IMG Credit: All Elite Wrestling

AEW Dark
Date: October 8, 2019
Location: Capitol One Arena, Washington DC
Commentators: Excalibur, Jim Ross

So this is something new (the second new show of the day) as AEW is releasing its dark matches (as “dark matches” enters a new definition) as a stand alone show on YouTube. Normally this is something that wouldn’t make a lot of sense but in this case, AEW needs to get their talent out there in front of an audience and that is what they’re doing here. There shouldn’t be any storylines here and it’s a pure wrestling show, which is nice for a change. Let’s get to it.

Tony Schiavone welcomes us to the show and explains the concept. He really is great at something like this and the voice is exactly the same as it was back in the 90s.

Darby Allin vs. Cima

Darby takes a bit too long looking into the crowd and gets caught with some double knees in the corner. That’s fine with Darby, who is right back with a springboard armdrag to the floor, followed by three straight suicide dives. Back in and the Coffin Drop completely misses, allowing Darby to dropkick him into the corner. Something like a Brock Lock on the mat keeps Darby down but he’s fine enough to crotch Cima on top.

That means a Tree of Woe with headbutts to the knee for a pretty unique set of offense. More shots to the knee have Cima in trouble but he’s right back with a tornado DDT for two. Back up and Cima offers him a chance for some chops, demanding Darby’s best shots. Instead Darby hits him in the face and flips over his back into a Stunner for two.

The Coffin Drop onto the knee bangs them both up a bit more so Cima is right back with the Perfect Driver for two of his own. A top top rope Meteora to the back of Darby’s head gets two more, only to have him get the same off a Code Red. That’s enough to set up the Coffin Drop, which finally connects as it’s supposed to, for the pin at 6:57.

Rating: C. I’m still not sure what to make of Allin, who is such a different kind of performer that it takes some time to get the idea of him down. The Coffin Drop comes off as rather stupid, though it fits into the kind of person Allin seems to be. Cima is someone who can have a fine match with anyone, though I’m not overly wild on either guy.

Tony explains the Tag Team Title tournament.

Lucha Bros/Hybrid Two vs. Private Party/Best Friends

Hybrid Two is Angelico/Jack Evans. Orange Cassidy is here with Private Party and Best Friends to a ROAR. Hang on though as Evans needs to yell about how he and Angelico are the A half of their team but a bunch of superkicks break that up in a hurry. Fenix dives onto the Best Friends and Quen gets sent over the top onto Evans and Angelico as I have a bad feeling about trying to keep track of all this stuff. Evans is already ranting about having to make saves until we settle down to Isaiah punching Angelico in the face and screaming.

A cheap shot from Evans takes Isaiah down so the Lucha Bros come in and try some double teaming, only to have Isaiah score with some enziguris for a breather. Evans and Angelico come in to beat on Isaiah instead as tagging is more of a suggestion here. Isaiah is fine enough to hurricanrana Angelico into Evans in the corner, which allows the tag off to Taylor as extra audio is bleeding through commentary.

Isaiah hits a heck of a flip dive to the floor but the Bros are back in to kick Quen in the head. With Fenix on the floor, Taylor finds his own sunglasses but stops to hug Barretta. That sets up the stereo suicide dives, leaving Cassidy to go up for the hands in pockets dive to the floor. Isn’t that a bit much energy for him? Back in and Fenix saves Pentagon from Strong Zero and a kick to the head sends Taylor into a Backstabber. Fenix hits a big corkscrew dive, leaving Pentagon to finish Taylor at 8:46.

Rating: B. That’s about as high as any of these matches can get and they did exactly what they were suppose do. This was designed to be complete and utter chaos with everyone involved looking rather good in the process. As a bonus, Excalibur was perfect for commentary here as he can rattle off all of those names. JR on the other hand…..well he tried, but he lost the battle of the generations here.

Post match the winners argue over who gets to pose.

Quick look at the women’s division.

Britt Baker/Allie vs. Penelope Ford/Bea Priestly

Priestly shoves Baker on the apron to start so Allie snaps off an armdrag. Hold on though as Priestly wants Baker, which is exactly what she gets. That sends Priestly over to Ford, as you probably expected. Baker gets two off her own armdrag but Ford sends her into the corner for a Great Muta handspring elbow (that’s more JR’s speed). A northern lights suplex gives Ford two but she gets sent into the corner as well, this time allowing the tag to Allie.

The sliding forearm in the corner gives Allie two and it’s time to strike away at Ford. Priestly gets in a cheap shot on the floor though and the villains take over. A stomp onto Allie’s arm keeps her down but Ford misses a second handspring elbow. Baker comes back in to trade forearms with Priestly, followed by the fisherman’s neckbreaker for two. Priestly’s belly to back suplex gets two but Baker kicks her down and hands it back to Allie for a rollup. Everything breaks down and Priestly kicks Baker in the head.

Allie Death Valley Drives Priestly for two before heading to the floor, leaving Allie to DDT Ford for two more with Priestly diving back inside for the save. They head outside again though, leaving Baker to Paige Turn Ford into the Rings of Saturn. With that still on, Baker grabs something like a Mandible Claw (makes sense) at the same time for the tap at 11:11.

Rating: C-. If they want Riho and Nyla Rose to be the stars of the division, they might not want to showcase these four like this. The match was more interesting, easier to get into and just all around more fun. Riho vs. Rose did tell a good story and was better from a technical standpoint, but they’re hardly head and shoulders above these four and that was very apparent here.

We look at Chris Jericho and company taking over at the end of Dynamite.

Here’s a look at the Tag Team Title tournament with Twitter users picking their winners.

Preview for this week’s Dynamite.

Full Gear ad.

Jurassic Express vs. SCU

Jurassic Express now has a rather awesome entrance, complete with steps making a glass of water shake. Daniels has a mic on a stand with him so he can shout SCU. Daniels and Stunt start things off and Stunt can’t do much outside of spinning around into a small package. A stomp onto the back sets up the Floss Dance (ERG), with Daniels countering with his own. Jungle Boy and Kazarian come in to trade near falls off some rollups and cradles until Kazarian knocks him down for the springboard spinning legdrop.

It’s off to Sky to get in a boot to the head but Boy gets over to Luchasaurus and you can feel the fans getting more into things. That’s a bit too good though and it’s back to Stunt, who gets flipped onto Daniels into a splash for two. Boy comes back in for a chinlock but Daniels is right back up with a tilt-a-whirl side slam for two of his own. Stunt’s crossbody bounces off of Sky so Luchasaurus comes back in. Some strikes have no effect for Sky but a DDT puts Luchasaurus down….and he nips right back up.

Stunt and Boy dive onto Daniels and Sky, leaving Kazarian to get chokeslammed and moonsaulted for another near fall. A headscissors faceplant of all things (because Luchasaurus can just do that) sets up Stunt’s running shooting star press as everything stays broken down. Luchasaurus gets sent outside though and it’s Celebrity Rehab on Boy and a powerbomb/Backstabber combination finishes Stunt at 9:17.

Rating: C. They weren’t going for anything more than a fun match here, though they did get in enough stuff to make it feel different than the eight man tag. Stunt taking the pin was the right call if SCU has to win, though it is beyond ridiculous to see him out there with no muscle definition or anything close to being a realistic threat to any of SCU. Even Jungle Boy, who is small, is more believable than Stunt. Let him be a mascot or something, but having him wrestle is a step too far.

Tony wraps us up in a hurry.

Overall Rating: C+. This is a situation where you need to consider the point of this show. It isn’t meant to be anything more than a supplement to Dynamite in a way to get the wrestlers in an AEW ring. You don’t need to see anything here and as long as they keep it that way, this is the most inoffensive thing you could ask for. It doesn’t need to be around permanently as you don’t need so many people featured every week, but for a few months, this is a fine idea.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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IMG Credit: WrestlePro

Does Funny = Money?
Date: April 3, 2019
Location: Rahway Recreation Center, Rahway, New Jersey
Commentators: David Sturchill, McKenzie Mitchell

This is from WrestlePro, a promotion I’ve heard about before but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a full show. From the description, it seems like it’s going to be a comedy show and that’s appropriate given that it’s the first show of Wrestlemania weekend. Hopefully the show has some redeeming value to it, but I’m not getting my hopes up. Let’s get to it.

As usual: I have no idea what’s going on around here so if I miss storyline/character stuff, I apologize in advance.

The host tries to introduce the first match but McKenzie Mitchell (former Impact backstage interviewer) interrupts. She thinks the host needs a co-host and a fan poll convinces him to let her.

Bobby Wayward vs. Kikutaro

Kikutaro is a Japanese comedy guy in a weird looking mask. Wayward takes him up against the ropes for a clean break and Kikutaro applauds his politeness. Kikutaro does the same and it’s off to an exchange of shoulders. Some armdrags into an armbar has Wayward in trouble until he pulls Kikutaro throat first into the top rope. Hang on though as Kikutaro wants time out. Ever the scoundrel, Wayward stomps him down anyway as the slow pace continues.

With nothing else working, Kikutaro whips the referee into Wayward in the corner. The low blow behind the referee’s back has Wayward in more trouble but he’s fine enough to do the same to Kikutaro. There’s a low blow to the referee as well and everyone is grabbing….yeah. Kikutaro Hulks Up and gets kicked in the face to Hulk him back down. Wayward grabs a fisherman’s suplex for two but the referee collapses before three. The referee gets whipped into the corner but Kikutaro reverses it and the referee clotheslines Wayward. Now the referee DDTs him and a Shining Wizard gives Kikutaro the pin at 9:47.

Rating: D+. Oh I’m in for a long night. This wasn’t exactly my style of wrestling but that’s the point of the show so I should have known what I was getting myself into. Kikutaro doesn’t exactly make me laugh but having him beat up a villain like Wayward is about as good as you were going to get here.

Here’s Dan Lambert (American Top Team owner who showed up in Impact and was the best villain in the company for awhile) with Colby Covington (UFC Champion) and John Harnett to issue a challenge to the locker room. Wrestling today sucks so if Lambert wants to watch good wrestling, he’ll have to watch on YouTube. Lambert lists off some great wrestlers and the fans applaud, which isn’t the best way to go. He was told that WrestlePro was better but after what he’s seen, he knows that his instincts were right: today’s wrestling sucks. Cue Scarlett Bordeaux and we have an answer to the challenge.

Scarlett Bordeaux vs. John Harnett

Scarlett goes straight at him and slaps away in the corner, setting up a running hip attack. An over the back reverse kneeling piledriver finishes Harnett at 55 seconds. Well that proved the point well enough.

Post match Lambert shoves Scarlett down and pulls out a board but Scarlett spears Harnett through it instead.

Pat Buck vs. Santana Jackson

Buck is a big star around here and has a cage around his head. He’s also called the Buzzkiller because he’s beating anyone with any kind of buzz. Buck isn’t having any of Santana’s Michael Jackson dancing (REALLY bad timing with that one) so he tries a test of strength. That’s broken up with more dancing and a dancing top rope wristdrag ticks Buck off so badly that he fires off a clothesline. A spinning Tombstone makes it worse….but Jackson sits up as Thriller starts to play.

Jackson hits a Stunner into a dancing People’s Elbow but Buck gets serious. In something a little different, Jackson grabs Buck’s hand and makes him punch himself low, which technically isn’t illegal. The Moonwalk DDT gets two and Buck bails to the floor, setting up a suicide dive (with Jackson losing a shoe). Buck carries him back inside for an AA over the top, setting up something close to the One Winged Angle (pulling the arm instead of lowering the head) for the pin at 6:14.

Rating: C. Now that was a little more like it as Jackson’s stuff was actually funny at times, with the Thriller bit being an actually good gag. Buck winning is the better move of course as you rarely want a comedy guy going over a top star but at least they did something good here with Jackson getting some strong reactions.

Johnny Clash vs. Anthony Bowens vs. Jake Manning vs. Matt Macintosh

Clash is the Create-A-Pro Champion though I don’t think the title is on the line. The same seems to be true of Macintosh’s WrestlePro Gold Title. Manning brings his tent with him because we need a prop that big. The tent is in the middle of the ring but Macintosh (The Bad Apple. Get it?) throws it out so they can, you know, wrestle. Macintosh sends Manning into the post as Clash and Bowens fight in the ring.

Macintosh’s jumping knee to the head rocks Bowens and he gets tied in the Tree of Woe for a boot to the crotch. Macintosh: “HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES???” Manning grabs a headlock and reads the scout manual, which has Mackenzie wondering what passage he’s picked. Back up and Macintosh keeps running the ropes as Manning has stepped aside to read in peace. Bowens is back up with a low superkick to Clash but Manning has found….a rope? Clash gets tied up and then untied for some dizzifying effects.

Manning makes it even worse with an airplane spin and then Bowens adds one of his own. A collision puts Bowens and Clash down and it’s time to throw the tent in again. Everyone but Manning gets thrown in and he zips it shut….but gets pulled in as what seems to be a struggle ensues. The fans call it awesome, because this is a shaking tent crowd. Clash dives over the top onto Bowens and Macintosh dives onto both of them.

Manning throws the tent onto them and while he can carry it by himself, three people can’t manage to have it dropped all of a foot and a half onto their raised arms. Back in and Bowens hits a Blockbuster for two on Macintosh with Clash making the save. Manning throws the tent in AGAIN (ok the joke is old now) but Bowens elbows him into it. Manning gets out of the tent and it’s a Tower of Doom through the tent (devastating McKenzie) to give Manning the pin on Macintosh at 10:38.

Rating: D+. The tent was a funny idea but they went back to it over and over to diminishing returns. I was sick of the thing at the end and the whole thing would have been better off if it was about two minutes shorter. The wrestlers were fairly talented though and I could see them moving up to bigger promotions later on. Maybe not Manning as he’s a rather gimmicky character, but the other three have a chance.

Team Tremendous vs. Demon Bunny

Team Tremendous is Dan Barry and Bill Carr (both detectives for some reason) while Demon Bunny is Rosemary/Allie, who are apparently best friends outside of the ring. That’s always cool to see. Team Tremendous steals belts from the crowd, along with the Gold Title which was left at ringside from the previous match, and throws them inside. With that out of the way, Barry and Allie start things up.

Allie works on the arm but Barry dances his way into a wristlock. Some armdrags into an armbar have Barry in trouble and it’s off to Rosemary to stay on the arm. The women keep alternating on the arm as this isn’t exactly funny so far. Rosemary pulls his nose so it’s off to the much bigger Carr, who sticks up his fingers like a gun. As Allie surrenders, Rosemary bites the fingers and it’s back to Barry for a dropkick. Carr can’t bring himself to chop Rosemary though so Barry comes in again, this time to get choked over the ropes.

A top rope DDT sends Barry into the corner and the hot tag brings in Allie. Some forearms have no effect on Carr but he misses a charge in the corner, allowing Allie to hit some sliding elbows. Rosemary comes back in and gets planted for her troubles, followed by a reverse Razor’s Edge toss into a Codebreaker to Allie (cool move). That’s broken up at two and the Doomsday Sliced Bread is broken up as well. Rosemary mists Carr and it’s a Codebreaker into a German suplex for the double pin on Barry at 9:35.

Rating: C-. I like Rosemary and Allie but I really don’t get the comedy here. This wasn’t overly funny and could have been on any given show. Team Tremendous come off as a low level team who don’t have a lot of success and probably bragged about how they would win easily here. Not a bad match, but I have no idea why it was on here.

Fifteen minute intermission.

Shawn Donovan vs. Buster Jackson

Bird Box (blindfold) match and Donovan is billed from the fifth floor of Trump Tower. Hang on as the referee is blindfolded as well to make it even more confusing. They take less time to make contact than Jake Roberts and Rick Martel but Jackson ducks away and Donovan yells at the turnbuckle. Jackson takes him down and hammers away as the announcers spoil Bird Box. The referee has barely left the corner as Donovan gets knocked down but comes right back with a slam.

Donovan grabs the referee, who hiptosses him in self defense. A shoulder puts Jackson on the floor and Donovan follows as Jackson gets back in. Not being able to figure out what’s going on, Donovan grabs a chair and hits the post (ala Roberts vs. Martel) before getting back in as well. Donovan finally gets smart and takes his blindfold off but he’s insane (ala the movie) and tries a Swanton with no one on the mat. Jackson covers and, after the referee crawls over (how he knew there was a cover isn’t clear) and checks the shoulders, counts the pin at 6:50.

Rating: F. And that’s supposed to be funny? This was another dumb idea that just kept going despite being a short match. It’s the same problem any match with this gimmick has and there’s no way around it. This isn’t something that works and it was just stupid instead of entertaining or funny. Also, if you haven’t seen Bird Box (which came out a few months ago and isn’t a big deal anymore), this made no sense at all, especially the ending.

Gauntlet Match

When did gauntlet matches become the hottest thing in wrestling? Grim and Freddie IV (pronounced I V, not Four/Fourth) are in first and the Shook Crew (Bryce Donovan and Max Caster with Bobby Orlando) are in second. Freddie is a hippie and keeps giving people flower necklaces but uses one to pull Caster down to get us started. A double hanging suplex (including a limbo) has Caster in trouble so it’s off to Donovan (Two wrestlers on the roster named Donovan?), who gets chopped by the bigger Grim. We get the required Stink Face and Freddie comes in to drop a backsplash on Caster for a bonus.

A big legdrop gets two and Grim does the Whale (a heavy version of the Worm, consisting of dropping down, standing up and dropping down again), sending the Crew out to the floor. Back in and Grim is so winded that he collapses into the corner for the tag to Freddie. A low blow into a rollup with tights gives Donovan the pin at 4:14.

The Breakfast Club (CPA/Kip Francis Stevens) are in third and thankfully they come out to Don’t You Forget About Me (as they should). Once they get to the ring, Caster has laid out cones to create a safe space (because that’s a thing Caster does). It’s a ruse though (Gee you think?) as Orlando is taking Donovan’s place. Orlando hits Caster by mistake and we get the stupid spot of Orlando DDTing Caster by mistake because he can’t just let go.

We go wide and see Grim still out cold due to exhaustion as the match continues. Things settle down to Orlando suplexing CPA for two and Caster grabbing a chinlock. That’s broken up in a hurry and the villains are knocked into the corner in a Human Centipede pose. The hot tag brings in Stevens for a bunch of clotheslines, including one to the freshly conscious Grim. CPA goes to the apron for a dive, followed by a big one from Kip to knock everyone down. Back in and a Hart Attack gets rid of the Crew at 10:08.

Naturally they beat down the Club until Massage Force (Yes MASSAGE FORCE. Dorian Graves and VSK because all you need are initials instead of a full name these days.) is in fourth. The Club gets neck massages until a double rollup gets a double near fall. We settle down to Graves (the masked man, oddly enough) rubbing Stevens’ neck before it’s off to VSK, who gets a massage from Graves. It’s good enough to bring in CPA for two off a missile dropkick.

Another Hart Attack misses so CPA has to hit a suicide dive on Graves instead. Back inside and VSK kicks Stevens in the face for two, followed by a Backstabber for the same. Massage Force wants the oil and it’s VSK sliding across Graves’ back (just go with it) for a headbutt to Stevens’ crotch. A Shatter Machine gets rid of the Club (Why are an accountant and a guy in business casual called the Breakfast Club?) at 17:17.

Job Security (Big Malcolm and Officer Ronald) are in fifth and try to beat the fun out of Massage Force. The World’s Greatest Tag Team’s jump over your partner onto someone’s back gets two on VSK but it’s quickly back to Graves to massage Ronald. A Swanton/reverse DDT combination hits Malcolm and it’s more oil so Malcolm can get sent into Ronald’s crotch. Another Shatter Machine gets rid of Job Security at 21:18.

KM and Fallah Bahh are in sixth and you can tell these two are rather popular here. They seem to like McKenzie, who sounds touched. Bahh puts VSK in a front facelock and adds a splash….before oiling up KM’s back. The slide is more of a crushing this time and everything breaks down. KM and Bahh both roll over Massage Force and they make the referee do it too. That’s not good enough though as they have McKenzie do it as well. A Banzai Drop finishes VSK at 28:22.

And just in case we haven’t gone over the edge already, the BWO (Nova/Blue Meanie) is in seventh. KM works on Nova’s arm for a good while to start, with the announcers wondering how many times a single arm can be turned around. Nova is back with a big boot that knocks KM out of the ring and up the ramp to the stage. Back in and KM wants Meanie….and then tags out to Bahh for the sumo wrestling collision. They argue over NO NO NO/YES YES YES and it’s Meanie tickling Bahh.

Everyone but Meanie head outside and the big dive is teased, sending the three of them running around the building in fear. Bahh runs so far away that he gets counted out at 37:12. KM asks where Bahh went because he’s riding Bahh’s coattails on TV. KM: “I’m his Marty Jannetty! I need him!” Bahh comes back with hot dogs….for everyone in the ring!

As they eat, Team Espana (Jos A and Jos B, the Tag Team Champions and thankfully with labeled shirts) are in eighth as the final team. Meanie gets beaten down in the corner but it’s off to Nova to throw the right hands. Everything breaks down and Nova’s suplex to B is broken up as A pulls the foot, allowing B to fall on top for the pin at 42:42.

Rating: D-. The only thing I learned from this is that the WrestlePro tag division is awful with some very goofy teams. I was rather bored with most of this because most of the teams barely stand out from the others and they seem to have one note gimmicks at best. I’ll give some credit to KM and Bahh though: they looked like stars compared to the other teams, though that’s not saying much. Crazy long here and there had to be a team or two that could be cut.

The BWO gets cheered out of the ring.

Dan Maff vs. Swoggle

Street fight. Maff weighs over 300lb and is kind of a legend around here. Swoggle brings in his own weapons and they talk trash to start. Some chairs are set up in the middle and they sit down in front of each other for a slap fight at the opening bell. Swoggle gets the better of it until Maff stands up and kicks him down.

The weapons are brought in and it’s a stepladder to Maff’s back. The trashcan goes over his head and Swoggle beats on him with a kendo stick and there’s a big shot to the head, which just annoys Maff even more. An even bigger trashcan shot to the head drops Swoggle and it’s time for the barbed wire chair. Swoggle pours out the building blocks (they’re not Legos) because that’s the big thing these days.

The staple gun doesn’t work for Maff as Swoggle bites him and staples his crotch. A Stunner gives Swoggle two and it’s a side slam onto the blocks. Swoggle kendo sticks him off the top and blasts Maff with the barbed wire chair for two. Maff shrugs it off and loads up the Burning Hammer but lets Swoggle down. Swoggle flips him off though and hits a low blow, setting up a small package for two. That’s it for Maff, who wraps the ladder around Swoggle’s head and pulls back like a camel clutch for the tap at 8:53.

Rating: D+. This was actually tolerable, though just having Swoggle in there didn’t make it funny. The spots were your usual hardcore deals, though the ending was good. Swoggle is a lot more than just a comedy act as he works hard and can have a match, which is a lot more than you would expect from him.

They show respect and trade shirts after the match.

Colt Cabana/Santino Marella vs. Heavenly Bodies

That would be Desirable Dustin/Gigolo Justin for this Bodies incarnation. We get the rapid tags before any contact is made with the first lockup coming nearly two minutes in. Justin bails away from the threat of the Cobra so it’s off to Dustin, who gets made fun of for having a large stomach. The threat of the Cobra makes him run away twice as that lockup is about all that has happened so far. Everything breaks down and it’s a power walk from Cabana and Santino, setting up the double Bionic elbows.

We settle down to Justin’s arm getting worked over with Santino climbing to the top but getting nervous and coming off the bottom rope instead. Colt and Santino can’t get their double teams on the same page and jokingly yell at each other. A sunset flip doesn’t work for Colt as Dustin gets the tag but a tag to Santino doesn’t count because he’s not in the corner. Therefore, being clever, Santino extends the tag rope and stands halfway down the apron while still holding the rope.

A belly to back suplex into a moonsault gets two on Cabana (the Flippy Doo) and Colt stays in trouble in the corner. Cabana’s diving tag lands about three feet short so he tries again, this time with Dustin pulling Santino off the apron. Colt finally shrugs off some stomping in the corner and brings in Santino for his usual comeback. The referee gets bumped and Santino loads up the Cobra but Killer Kross runs in to jump him.

Kross does a Rick Rude impression and says he’s here to prove that funny doesn’t equal money because it’s not best for business. He beats up Colt and Santino while mocking comedy wrestling. Cue Joey Ryan of all people but Kross immediately says he’s not going near it. Kross tries the low blow and hurts his leg so Joey hits a dropkick. The lollipop goes into Kross’ mouth for the superkick and it’s time for the Cobra. Hang on though as Cabana puts a sock on his own hand. We get a double You Plex and a pair of Cobras for the double pin at 16:26.

Rating: D+. I really can’t get mad at this as it kind of went exactly as you would expect it to with the run-ins being the right choices. The ending was never in doubt and it was really just a matter of time before the Cobra got the win. It this had been the featured goofy match at the end of a more balanced show it could have worked better, but you can only get so much after this long of a show.

Overall Rating: D. The one thing I’ve learned from this show is why it’s called comedy relief. The idea behind a comedy match is to give you some breathing room after everything gets serious on a show. By having the entire (over three hour long) card be comedy, and in some cases it’s a big stretch to call it such, it’s really hard to stay in the right mood for it.

This didn’t work and while it’s certainly an idea, it isn’t one that works throughout. By the end it felt like a sketch comedy show that had run out of ideas and they were just throwing stuff out there and hoping it was funny. That’s why this kind of an idea doesn’t work. You need a serious match to look forward to because once the jokes stop working, you’re just watching mostly bad matches.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: March 29, 2019
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews

We’re still in Las Vegas and on the way to the both United We Stand and Rebellion, meaning it’s hard to say what we’re going to be seeing in the next few weeks. I’m hoping we get something fresh in the main event again like last week, as a break from the seemingly never ending World Title story was a welcome change of pace. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap and preview, this time with narration for a change. Apparently this is a special called Against All Odds. Shouldn’t that be something a little better known?

Opening sequence.

Here are LAX and the Lucha Bros for an unsanctioned fight, meaning the Tag Team Titles aren’t on the lines. The fight is on in a hurry with a worried Konnan watching from ringside. Security is out in a hurry and the fans want to seem them fight. The Bros superkick security and manage to sneak up on LAX with a pair of chair shots. Now it’s table time but LAX gets up with a pair of spinebusters to put them through the tables instead. The champs are down and LAX pose with the titles to win this round. This almost has to set up Full Metal Mayhem, which is almost all there is left.

Post match LAX and Konnan are very happy.

The announcers tell us that there has indeed been a challenge for Full Metal Mayhem. That certainly makes sense. The usual preview ensues.

Glenn Gilbertti vs. Scarlett Bordeaux

This is Scarlett’s in-ring debut. Before the match, Glenn offers Scarlett a way out of this but that’s not happening. Scarlett goes for some early rollups for two and sends Glenn outside, leaving her alone for some rather seductive sitting. Back in and Glenn throws her down by the hair but misses an elbow. A Stunner to the elbow gives Scarlett a breather and a high crossbody gets two. Glenn has had it and clotheslines her head off for two. We get the Garvin Stomp as Callis is losing his mind at all of this.

Glenn stops to dance but misses a charge in the corner and gets forearmed in the face. A running hip attack sets up a dancing Stinkface, which thankfully is over in a hurry. Glenn’s Russian legsweep into the Village People’s Elbow gets two more and he goes for the ten punches in the corner. Glenn: “I’m going to give her the ten punches in the corner.” Technical term I believe. As you might guess, he takes too long though and gets powerbombed down for the pin at 6:20.

Rating: D. This was about what you would have expected, though I’ll give them points for having an actual match instead of some lame comedy segment with a fluke pin. Scarlett being a trained wrestler helps a lot as she can do something like this to go along with all of her more signature stuff. It wasn’t good by any means, but it did everything it needed to do.

Taya Valkyrie isn’t sweating Jordynne Grace. Johnny Impact is thinking about some low carb popcorn while Cage fights Killer Kross tonight.

Post break some fans laugh at Gilbertti.

GWN Flashback of the week: Lethal Consequences vs. Beer Money from Against All Odds 2009.

We recap Gail Kim attacking Tessa Blanchard, which has forced Gail to resign.

Tessa Blanchard is happy Gail is here to apologize because she has the company by the balls. Gail may be a legend but legends come and go. Diamonds are forever.

Madison Rayne is coming back. Good? I guess? She’s fine but this isn’t exactly a game changer.

The Lucha Bros are down for Full Metal Mayhem.

Here’s Tessa to gloat about Gail Kim’s forced apology and resignation. She talks about how it’s a night for justice so Gail needs to get out here right now. Here’s a sad Gail, with Tessa saying how bad it must be to have everything taken from you. Gail apologizes but Tessa wants to know what the apology is for. Even more defeated, Gail says she’s sorry for the attack that cost her the Knockouts Title.

Gail resigned earlier today so Tessa has an apology of her own. She’s sorry that Gail’s era is known for bra and panties matches while Tessa’s era is breaking barriers. Gail is ready to leave, but there’s one more thing: she’s out of retirement and coming for Tessa. The beatdown is on and a scared/angry Tessa bails. They’ve set this up very slowly and logically….but egads I never need to see Gail around here again.

We recap last week’s main event with Rich Swann retaining the X-Division Title over Sami Callihan but being attacked by the newest OVE member, Madman Fulton.

OVE….I guess you would say mentally initiates Fulton by breaking him down and getting him to think like Sami.

Knockouts Title: Taya Valkyrie vs. Jordynne Grace

Grace is challenging. The fans are behind Grace as she busts out a cartwheel into a crucifix to start. Taya gets up a knee in the corner for a breather but walks into a hard shoulder for two. More strikes have Jordynne in trouble so she snaps off a German suplex to drop Taya on her head. They fight outside with Grace going head first into the post, followed a running knee in the corner for two. Taya chokes in the corner but stops to pose again, asking if the fans are entertained. A good spear gets one more on Grace and we take a break.

Back with Grace snapping off a suplex and avoiding a charge to send Taya into the post. That means a Vader Bomb for two but the Johnny Impact slide between the legs gets Taya out of trouble again. The moonsault misses but Taya is fine enough to block the Grace Driver (that needs a better name). Taya comes up holding her ribs though and here’s Impact to help her out for the countout at 12:45.

Rating: C-. They didn’t have much here but the important thing was having Grace beat her up long enough to warrant a rematch, which they certainly did. It’s not a bad match at all and having the rematch set up is perfectly fine. The Knockouts division is really pretty diverse at the moment and they’re running several stories at the same time, which is a lot harder than it sounds. Well done indeed and hopefully they keep it up.

Post match Cage comes out before Impact and Taya can escape. Killer Kross comes out to choke and post Cage as we take a break.

Brian Cage vs. Killer Kross

Joined in progress with Cage hitting a hard clothesline to get himself out of trouble but Kross posts him again. A hammerlock slam stays on Cage’s arm and a DDT on the arm makes it even worse. Cage has to block a cross armbreaker and sends Kross to the apron for the apron superplex, which is quickly countered into an arm crank over the shoulder. Back in and we hit another armbar as it’s almost all Kross so far.

Another armbreaker is blocked with a rope break and Cage manages to send him outside as we take a quick break. We come back with Kross grabbing the Krossjacket choke but getting rammed into the corner. Cage’s powerslam gets two but he can’t manage a suplex. The Doomsday Saito gets one on Cage and he’s fine enough for a powerbomb backbreaker for two of his own.

There’s an F5 for two with Impact sneaking back in to put the foot on the ropes. Taya gets in a low blow and it’s another Doomsday Saito for….three at 15:32? I’m confused because Cage kicked out and Kross looked stunned but the referee called for the bell anyway. That sounds like a twist and maybe Johnny has a cheating referee.

Rating: C+. This was more about the angle than the match and they did that well enough. It’s smart to have some kind of screwiness at the end to cost Cage the win before his title match, which isn’t something that companies (and by that I mean WWE) tend to always get right. Kross looked dominant, though having him as Impact’s muscle still isn’t the greatest story in the world.

Post match Impact Pillmanizes Cage’s arm and kisses Taya.

The fight is on and Allie gets the better of Rosemary but can’t bring herself to actually stab her. Rosemary fights back and goes to stab Su but Mitchell has a clever to Kiera’s throat. The master comes in and it’s Kevin Sullivan of all people (makes sense really) to say Rosemary knows how this is going to end. All of this is for nothing because it’s never ending.

Su pops up with her Freddie Kruger razor glove but Allie shoves Rosemary out of the way and gets STABBED THROUGH THE THROAT, complete with blood. Kiera shoves Mitchell away (which I guess she could just do) and goes to hold Allie with Rosemary. Allie morphs back into her old self and says it’s ok and vanishes, leaving a furious Rosemary to end the show.

This was out of the Broken Hardys playbook and I liked it. Thank goodness they just got rid of Allie (while leaving a slight door open for her return) and gave us some closure to the story instead of something lame like her just leaving. The story has been over the top so far so keep it that way until the ending. I get why you might not like this one but if you’re into some off the regular path stuff, it worked.

Overall Rating: C. You could say this one was all over the place with storyline advancement, man vs. woman in something that wasn’t as comedy based as you would have thought and MURDER. That being said, this show blew by with nothing being overly bad and two major matches being set up for Rebellion. The best thing here was having enough variety that it wasn’t boring, which is a good sign. Now if only Rebellion can be awesome, they’ll be in an even better place. This show was good enough with nothing but, though nothing was really high quality. Call it a mixed bag, but certainly not a boring one.

Results

Scarlett Bordeaux b. Glenn Gilbertti – Powerbomb

Jordynne Grace b. Taya Valkyrie via countout

Killer Kross b. Brian Cage – Doomsday Saito

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 6, 2018
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Don Callis

We’re a month away from Homecoming and the card is already starting to take shape. That means there’s plenty of time to build things a bit higher, including the main event which doesn’t exactly have the strongest setup so far. The most interesting story around here is the Tag Team Title situation, with Konnan playing a great wild card role. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the most recent stories, which is one of the best ways to open any show. Quick, easy and gets you up to date going into the night. Unfortunately it also serves as a reminder that Tommy Dreamer was in last week’s main event.

Opening sequence.

Ultimate X Qualifying Match: Jake Crist vs. Willie Mack

Mack is Chocolate Thunder for a pretty good nickname. Dave Crist and Sami Callihan are at ringside while Mack is alone. Mack hits an early dropkick as the announcers compare him to Refrigerator William Perry. Crist raises a boot in the corner and flips up to the top in one move (cool) for a top rope dropkick. That just earns him a fall away slam to send him outside, but he catches Mack with a superkick to take over again.

The chinlock doesn’t last long but adding in the second version makes it a longer form. A knee to the face gives Jake two and it’s off to the third chinlock. Mack fights up, likely out of boredom from all the chinlocks, and hits a few clotheslines. Crist charges into a pop up right hand and a Codebreaker (becoming WAY too popular of a move) gives Mack two.

A super sunset powerbomb gets two on Crist but he’s right back up with two spinning kicks to the face. That’s not enough though as a snap German suplex gives Crist two so Mack throws him down with an exploder suplex of his own. A quick distraction from Dave lets Sami crotch Mack on top though and it’s a super cutter to give Jake the pin at 8:35.

Rating: C. The ending looked very cool and it’s amazing how much more entertaining the Crist Brothers are when they’re not standing behind Sami and nodding. I’m rather surprised that Mack took a fall this early, even if it’s with some interference included. The match was fun though and the right choice for the opener as the Crists have a lot of cool offense that can get a crowd going.

Tessa Blanchard says Taya Valkyrie is nothing but Johnny Impact’s wife. That doesn’t matter tonight though, because Tessa has Mr. Impact Wrestling for her partner. That would be Moose, who promises to do the same thing to Johnny that he did to Eddie Edwards.

Allie vs. Heather Monroe

The Dark Allie look suits her very, very well. Heather slugs away at her to start and even hits a few running shots in the corner. Allie is right back with a Backstabber for two and she throws Heather into the corner for some hard stomping. The slow walking around the ring in between her offense works so well as it looks like she’s in another world. A missed charge in the corner lets Heather hit a running enziguri but Allie slaps herself in the face. That means a running superkick for two more and the Codebreaker finishes Heather at 3:36.

Rating: D+. The wrestling wasn’t great here, though Heather got in some more offense than you would have expected. What matters and works more here though is the character shift for Allie, who is nailing this new evil version. I’ve heard a lot of great things from her indy days but this is much better than I was expecting.

Post match Allie puts on Su Yung’s bloody glove and gets the Mandible Claw on Heather. Kiera Hogan comes out to try and talk some sense into Allie but gets her code broken instead. Allie and Su leave together.

Mack isn’t happy about the loss and talks about revenge to Rich Swann. Rich tells him to let it go because it’s not worth what comes with it. Swann will take care of Dave Crist next week.

Desi Hit Squad vs. Damien Hyde/Manny London

Raj shoves London into the corner to start as I try to stay awake during the Squad’s match. Hyde comes in and gets punched in the jaw for his efforts, followed by a neckbreaker. It’s off to Raju for a middle rope knee to the head and the rapid fire stomping in the corner doesn’t make things any more interesting. Everything breaks down and the jumping knee into the Samoan drop finishes London at 3:24.

Rating: D-. Does Impact owe the Hit Squad money or something? It’s the only explanation I can think of for why they keep them on the show. The rest of the tag division is actually pretty awesome at the moment but the Squad….is awful. I don’t know of any other way to put it and I don’t want to see them anymore.

Matt Sydal continues his babbling to Ethan Page for a pep talk.

Katarina introduces a friend to deal with Jordynne Grace: Ruby Raze, a woman of a similar build to Grace.

We look back at Chris Sabin cashing in Option C to become World Champion. What a waste of time that was.

Eli Drake leaves the bosses’ office and says that last week’s letter was an invitation to a Monster’s Ball match against Abyss at Homecoming. He doesn’t like the idea but he’ll take care of Abyss if he has to.

Scarlett Bordeaux comes to visit the Rascalz in their That 70s Show circle.

Ultimate X Qualifying Match: Ethan Page vs. Matt Sydal

Matt talks to him a lot to start before getting caught in a headlock. That lets Ethan point to his third eye and we hit a crisscross before they stop and chat some more. A headscissors doesn’t get Page very far as Sydal points to his head again and escapes. Some chops in the corner have Page in trouble until he sends Sydal to the apron.

Matt is fine enough to slip out of a powerslam attempt and hit a standing legdrop for two. A jumping kick to the face lets Sydal start in on the leg, followed by a running kick to the face in the corner. Sydal dives off the middle rope but gets caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Some shots in the corner set up a big boot to drop Sydal again.

A tilt-a-whirl faceplant sends Sydal to the apron, allowing Page to grab a cutter onto said apron as we take a break. Back with a chop off and more pointing to the head, followed by Sydal getting two off a hurricanrana. They both head to the corner with Page shoving him off, setting up a Swanton for two. That sets off a rollup exchange with Page grabbing the pin at 15:21.

Rating: C. I liked the match well enough but I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen someone whose in-ring work is so different from their character. Sydal is completely fine in the ring and can have a good match with anyone, but this third eye stuff is beyond annoying. It’s not entertaining and hopefully it leads to Page doing anything else. Page and Sydal are fine together. Just get rid of the third eye thing for both of them.

Post match Page offers respect to Sydal and everything is cool.

Video on Tessa Blanchard vs. Taya Valkyrie.

We go to Eddie Edwards’ mental hospital where he gets frustrated by a chess game with Raven. Why is Raven here you ask? Apparently he checks himself in once a month, but that’s not cool with Eddie because he shouldn’t be here. Raven recounts his feuds with Tommy Dreamer and Sandman and then picks an orderly’s pocket to give Eddie a keycard, granting him access to the whole building. Ok then.

We get a face to face meeting in the back between LAX and the Lucha Bros. It’s clearly not personal but Konnan seems to be panicking anyway.

Johnny Impact and Taya are ready for the main event tonight and their matches at Homecoming.

Video on Impact vs. Cage.

Moose/Tessa Blanchard vs. Johnny Impact/Taya Valkyrie

Taya has a far different entrance where she almost dances to the ring. Yeah I’m missing the old version. The guys start things off with Moose yelling at Tessa for no apparent reason, allowing Johnny to roll him up for an early two. A dropkick sends Moose crawling over for a tag off to Tessa so Taya comes in as well.

Taya stomps her down in the corner and Johnny hits the Flying Chuck on an invading Moose to send him outside. The villains are sent into the barricade but they knock Taya and Johnny into it as well to send us to a break. Back with Tessa choking Taya on the ropes and getting two off a running kick to the back of the neck. Moose knocks Johnny into the barricade again, leaving Tessa to put on a hammerlock with some hair pulling included.

Back up and Tessa misses a charge into the post (must be a modern wrestling heel), allowing the hot tag to Johnny. That means running knees to take Moose down but Starship Pain doesn’t work. A pop up powerbomb sets up a running backsplash for two on Johnny but Moose misses his own charge.

Johnny’s superkick into the Moonlight Drive gets two and it’s back to the women. Taya scores with the running knees in the corner but Tessa scores with a cutter. The Buzzsaw DDT is countered into a release German suplex for two with Moose pulling the referee out. That’s fine with Taya, who hits a curb stomp to set up the STF to make Tessa tap at 15:08.

Rating: C+. Perfectly fine main event here and I like them having Moose in there as someone who would actually want to fight Johnny instead of someone who would be conflicted. If nothing else we might get a Johnny vs. Cage match to fill in a little bit of the gap between now and Homecoming.

Post match Moose loads up the spear on Taya but Johnny takes the bullet for her. Killer Kross runs out to take a chair away from Tessa. Cage runs in to clean house but Kross walks away from the showdown. Johnny and Cage stare each other down to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t much of a buildup show as the best match on the Homecoming card only got the one backstage segment. The problem, as usual, is that a lot of stuff doesn’t feel personal around here. The stuff that does works, but the majority of the title pictures don’t have much life to them. That’s been an issue around here for years and it’s not getting any better. It’s likely to be a good pay per view, but nothing that has any staying power.

Results

Jake Crist b. Willie Mack – Super cutter

Allie b. Heather Monroe – Codebreaker

Desi Hit Squad b. Damien Hyde/Manny London – Jumping knee/Samoan drop combination to London

Ethan Page b. Matt Sydal – Rollup

Johnny Impact/Taya Valkyrie b. Tessa Blanchard/Moose – STF to Blanchard

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: October 25, 2018
Location: Melrose Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews

This show is still in a bit of a strange place as we’re less than two weeks removed from Bound For Glory, meaning there aren’t many major stories going on at the moment. There is however a World Title match tonight in the form of Fenix challenging for the World Title against Johnny Impact. That and I’m sure something else about Tommy Dreamer. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening video recaps last week’s events.

Opening sequence.

Scarlett Bordeaux comes out to scout talent.

Sami Callihan vs. Trevor Lee

Sami jumps him to start as Callis drools over Scarlett (fair enough). Trevor gets sent into the ropes so Dave Crist can kick him in the back. A kick to the back of the head staggers Sami but he’s right back with a Death Valley Driver for two. The chinlock goes on for a bit until Callihan grabs a neckbreaker out of the corner. With almost everyone looking at Scarlett, she takes a walk as Trevor elbows Sami down and dives onto the Crist Brothers. Jake is up in time to shove him off the top though and the Cactus Piledriver finishes Lee at 5:50.

Rating: C-. I wouldn’t have believed it possible but Sami has completely turned around for me. When you get him away from wrestling regular matches and let him be the far more naturally violent brawler, he can be entertaining. The lack of shouting about Ohio all the time does wonders for him too.

Post match Cage comes out and wrecks OVE. Sami’s bat shot is swatted away and Cage offers him a free shot. That’s blocked as well and the Crists save Sami from the Drill Claw.

King yells about not being able to touch Konnan. He has an idea of how to get around the bosses though and the OGz are with him.

Rohit Raju helps Gama Singh warm up before their match tonight. Sweet goodness put ANYTHING ELSE on this show.

Preview for the rest of the show.

Eli Drake invades the commentary booth and threatens Callis for bringing up the lawsuit Drake is filing.

Heavenly Bodies vs. LAX

Non-title. The Bodies are Desirable Dustin and Gigolo Justin. Santana chops away at we’ll say Dustin as the match is ignored to talk about the lawsuit. Ortiz lets Santana springboard off of him for a moonsault but the Bodies come back and knock Ortiz into the corner to take over. A missed charge allows the hot tag to Santana as Drake tries to remember wrestling on a show with the Bodies.

Everything breaks down and a reverse DDT/powerbomb combination gets two on Justin but a Michinoku Driver into a top rope splash gets the same on Santana. The Bodies put Santana on top but Ortiz powerbombs one of the down, leaving Dustin to take the Street Sweeper for the pin at 5:57.

Rating: C. Totally watchable match here as the Bodies may come off like a rather old school team but if they work like this, they could be regulars around here. The tag division is almost non-existent at this point so even having an average team added to the roster would do it some good. Drake was really entertaining on commentary here, even if he talked about the match for about thirty seconds.

Tessa Blanchard comes into Taya Valkyrie’s locker room and yells at her for the things she’s been saying. Blanchard is even willing to put the title on the line next week. Taya says see you next week then.

Matt Sydal and Ethan Page come up to LAX with Sydal not liking the way he’s treating his boys. Konnan doesn’t seem to care.

Moose is ready to beat up Fallah Bahh. Killer Kross says KM and Bahh are like two dogs chasing a car. Tonight, they’re both his. Kross: “Good talk. Tick tock.”

Video on Fenix, talking about his rise in the American wrestling scene, including his time in Lucha Underground.

Rich Swann and Willie Mack are glad to be here and Mack wants him to be his opponent for his debut match next week. Swann is cool with that.

Gama Singh vs. Rohit Raju

Singh introduces himself and lists off his resume. Gama shoves him away as the fans already start chanting YOU STILL GOT IT. A rake to the eyes has Raju in trouble and Gama slaps him for good measure. Cue someone from the back for a fireman’s carry gutbuster on Raju for the DQ at 1:50.

Post match Singh and the new guy beat Raju down but they all pose together because this seems to be the new Desi Hit Squad. I’m so thrilled.

Johnny Impact praises Fenix, who he says is like family. Some families fight though and tonight they’ll fight for the World Title. May the best man win.

Scarlett is in a bath to watch fan submitted applications for her talent search. They’re as bad as you would expect.

Killer Kross/Moose vs. Fallah Bahh/KM

KM and Moose start things off with KM shouldering him down in a bit of a surprise. Some right hands keep Moose in trouble but it’s off to Kross, who is a bit more skilled on the mat. KM actually takes him down as well, allowing Bahh to hit a corner splash. Moose comes back in and puts a People’s….foot on the face for your comedy of the match. It’s back to Kross, who just gets angry at being clotheslined. The beatdown is on with Bahh in trouble, mainly due to Moose not liking having toes in his mouth.

A lot of yelling ensues, with Moose calling Bahh fat. You don’t do that to Bahh, who hammers away and hits a crossbody. Kross will have none of that and starts dropping knees on Bahh to take over. Moose slugs away and Bahh shouts a lot, setting up a belly to belly suplex to cut him down. A Samoan drop takes Kross down as well but here’s Eddie Edwards to choke Moose with a kendo stick. As they fight to the back, Kross chokes KM out at 9:23.

Rating: C-. Remember how I said the tag division was basically non-existent? That’s even more frustrating when you consider how many teams there could be at the moment. Would you be interested in seeing Kross and Moose vs. LAX in a long brawl? You even have KM and Bahh as the resident comedy goofs. There’s a division there, if it was actually put together.

Post match Moose and Eddie fight all the way up to the roof with Eddie being tossed into the wall. Eddie gets in a stick shot to save himself from flying over the edge.

Classic Clip of the Week: Samoa Joe and AJ Styles vs. Sting and Kevin Nash from Impact in 2008. It’s very nice that they’ve cut these down to short clips instead of almost full matches.

Jordynne Grace is coming.

Eddie talks to his stick when Alisha comes in, panicking over what just happened. He kisses her and says she drives him crazy before leaving.

Kiera Hogan vs. Su Yung

Kiera goes straight at her on the ramp and hits a sliding kick to the face in the corner. A hurricanrana out of the corner gives Kiera two but Yung snaps her across the top rope by the hair. Kiera gets caught in the Tree of Woe so Yung charges, only to have Kiera sit up. That’s fine with Yung, who takes her down with a neckbreaker in a sweet counter.

The Mandible Claw is loaded up but Kiera gets a powerbomb where she nearly drops Yung. They fight onto the apron but here’s Allie to save Kiera from a Panic Switch on the ramp. Allie says she can’t help Kiera now though and leaves, only to have Yung hit a hanging Pedigree. The Panic Switch finishes Hogan at 4:52.

Rating: C-. This was energetic while it lasted and I’m wondering where the Allie story is going. A lot of it is built on the return of Rosemary, which could take some time and therefore allow this story to build up properly for a change. Hogan is becoming a star by association and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Next week: LAX vs. Sydal/Page for the Tag Team Titles and Blanchard vs. Valkyrie for the Knockouts Title.

Impact Wrestling World Title: Johnny Impact vs. Fenix

Impact is defending. Feeling out process to start as they exchange a few grapples. Fenix’s big kick misses but Impact’s doesn’t, only to have them flip into a standoff. They’re certainly nailing the battle of athleticism so far. Fenix grabs a nip up but Impact nips out of it for a second standoff. Impact tries a springboard inside but Fenix dives underneath it and lands on the ramp.

They both run for the same buckle but it’s Fenix shoving Impact off, setting up a spring springboard into a spinning crossbody for two, even though he nearly overshot Impact. A Russian legsweep takes Fenix down and the Flying Chuck takes us to a break. Back with Impact putting on a crossface (with the other arm pinned down for a little change of pace) but Fenix slips out.

They lock hands and somehow manage to jump to the middle rope without breaking their grip (geez) until Fenix springboards up into a huge hurricanrana for a near fall of his own. Fans: “THIS IS IMPACT!” Yeah and that’s Fenix. A quick Spanish Fly gives Impact two of his own and he drives Fenix into the corner for some shoulders.

Fenix backflips over him into a German suplex but the running knee into the standing shooting star gives Impact two more. The Countdown to Impact misses (of course) so Impact settles for the flipping neckbreaker instead. A springboard spinning headbutt takes Johnny down for two more but it’s too early for the Black Fire Driver as Johnny reverses into a DDT. Starship Pain retains the title at 14:23.

Rating: B. It’s not great as a technical exchange but you’re missing the point here if that’s what you’re looking for. This was all about an athletic spectacle and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just let two incredibly talented guys going in there and doing cool looking stuff. What more can you want from a fun match like this?

Impact shakes his hand and leaves, allowing the OGz to run in and beat down Fenix. Pentagon makes the save.

Kross talks about being crazy and trying to make change. He leaves, revealing Impact out cold to end the show. It was this or the Tag Team Titles so I’m fine with going here.

Overall Rating: B-. You know, if you cut out a few of the really bad things, you have a heck of a show here. The Desi Hit Squad is horrible and some of the wrestling could have been a lot better but the storytelling is there and I want to see where some of this stuff goes. That’s what matters most as the wrestling can catch up later on. Good show, and I want to see more like this.

Results

Sami Callihan b. Trevor Lee – Cactus Piledriver

LAX b. Heavenly Bodies – Street Sweeper to Dustin

Rohit Raju b. Gama Singh via DQ when an unnamed man interfered

Killer Kross/Moose b. KM/Fallah Bahh – Krossjacket Choke to KM

Su Yung b. Kiera Hogan – Panic Switch

Johnny Impact b. Fenix – Starship Pain

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: October 18, 2018
Location: Melrose Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Don Callis

It’s a big show this week as we’re officially past Bound For Glory, meaning the long road towards Homecoming begins. That can wait in a few weeks though as we’re now looking at the fallout from the biggest show of the year. Johnny Impact FINALLY won the World Title from Austin Aries, who seems to be done with the promotion for the time being. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Bound For Glory if you need a recap.

Of course we open with a long recap of Bound For Glory. It’s not like it could have been anything else.

Opening sequence.

The ring is still tiny. I know it’s due to the venue but egads.

Here’s new World Champion Johnny Impact to open things up. After saying wrestling is unpredictable and being cut off by a YOU DESERVE IT chant, he talks about how he wanted to do this for his entire life because he’s it’s like nothing else. He grew up watching it when he was a kid at the Great Western Forum and he’s always been someone who does things a little differently. People told him that making a movie with his own money was crazy but now it’s streaming on Netflix. Even if it’s in a bin at Dollar General, he’s proud of it.

He’s been told he just has the look of a wrestler but now he has the title on his shoulder. This business is what we make it and he’s not going to hide behind goons and tweet passive aggressively because he’s a coward. If someone deserves a title shot they can get it, so here’s Fenix to interrupt. Fenix says he’s won titles around the world but never here. It’s an incredible opportunity to fight for that title and he wants a show next week. Johnny: “Well it’s not like I can say no.” The match is on for next week.

Next week: the show moves to 10pm. That doesn’t sound good.

The announcers talk about Bound For Glory.

Tommy Dreamer talks about great football players who became great wrestlers. Moose wants to join the list but he doesn’t want to put in the work. Tonight, Tommy is going to beat something into him and doesn’t mind giving him a concussion. Not the best thing in the world to say at the moment.

Outside, Moose hits on McKenzie Mitchell and is ready to beat up Dreamer. Killer Kross asks if Dreamer feels in control and says they both accept his challenge.

Katarina vs. Taya Valkyrie

Katarina gets aggressive to start and stomps away in the corner as Callis talks about the ring skirt costing Taya the title “last night”. Some knees to the back set up a backbreaker for two as it’s all Katarina to start. A missed charge lets Taya forearm away and a pair of running knees, including one against the ropes, gets two. The Road To Valhalla finishes Katarina at 3:50.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but Taya will pretty clearly get a rematch with Tessa Blanchard for the title. Katarina has already cooled off since returning, though I’m sure they can find something for her to do. Just getting away from Grado is already doing her some good and finding a new star to manage will help a lot.

Post match, Taya says she doesn’t respect Tessa Blanchard for having to retain the title like that.

Matt Sydal and Ethan Page sit in the dark and talk about opening third eyes. Sydal has made Page in tune with himself and tonight, Page can show Trevor Lee how to suffer.

Gama Singh attacks Rohit Raju, who has one more test to pass: facing Gama Singh himself next week. I really can’t stand these people much longer.

Trevor Lee vs. Ethan Page

Sydal is here with Page. There’s something funny about Josh Matthews managing Sydal being banished from all history. Lee chokes him in the corner to start and then chokes differently to mix things up. Page comes back with some right hands and points at his forehead because that’s his gimmick.

Some stomping in the corner (a common move around here) doesn’t do much as Trevor sends him outside for the running kick from the apron. A Sydal distraction (with another offer to join) allows Page to hit a hanging double arm DDT for two as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer for here. Lee hits a jumping knee to the face and gets two off a middle rope moonsault. Page elbows him in the face, sends him into the corner and elbows him again, followed by a Rock Bottom for the pin at 6:22.

Rating: C-. Page looked good here and clearly has enough talent to make it in this company. However, Lee still does nothing for me at all. Now that being said, I’ve heard he’s WAY better outside of Impact and he wouldn’t be the first person to be in that situation. Maybe he just needs a refreshing, but at the moment he’s just the guy who can give you a watchable match.

Rich Swann, with Willie Mack, is ready to win the X-Division Title tonight. Mack had a good time on Sunday, but Swann has to do it on his own tonight. That’s cool with Swann.

Video on the Allie/Kiera Hogan/Rosemary/Su Yung/WHAT THE HECK EVER THAT WAS segment from Sunday.

Kiera talks to Allie, who insists she’s fine but clearly isn’t.

Classic Moment of the Week: Daniel Bryan beats Randy Orton for the World Title. They called it Eric Young beating Magnus but it was Bryan over Orton.

Petey Williams asks Scarlett Bordeaux when she’s going to announce him as her new client. She flirts on him for a bit, but says the talent search is ongoing, and open to fans too. Petey seems confused, but Petey confuses me more often than not.

Killer Kross vs. Tommy Dreamer

Moose is here with Kross of course. Kross misses an early knee drop and Dreamer knocks him out to the floor. Dreamer, wearing his Dusty Rhodes shirt and Dusty Rhodes pants, gets to do the Dusty Rhodes Bionic Elbow and gets choked down for all that gimmick infringement. Back in and a hard whip into the corner keeps Dreamer’s back in trouble and a t-bone suplex gets two.

The cravate goes on but Dreamer gets up top to catch him with a right hand. There’s a superplex as the fans chant ECW. Dreamer loses a slugout but escapes a German suplex and hits a cutter. Moose tries to come in but takes a cutter of his own. The Doomsday Saito is broken up with a bite to Kross’ head but the second attempt drops Dreamer on his head. Kross does it again and that’s a referee stoppage at 7:02.

Rating: D+. This was the not great Dreamer match that you would have expected. I’m still not sure why he keeps getting on TV shows as it’s not like he’s interesting on his own, but nostalgia is a powerful weapon. I had the same reaction to this one that I have to every Dreamer match and that’s not the best feeling in the world.

Post match Dreamer gets beaten up even more.

We see part of Abyss’ Hall of Fame induction speech, which sounds rather good. The fact that he’s the first Impact Original to go in is rather telling.

Eli Drake isn’t happy with Abyss putting him through a table because it’s an unsafe work environment. Those are words that I never need to hear in wrestling again. Oh and he’s suing the company. Well a lot of people have over the years so he might as well join the team.

LAX is celebrating their win when King comes in. According to the bosses, he and the OGz get to keep a piece of New York but they have to stay on their own sides. Konnan says get on your own side then and get out of here.

We look back at the opening sequence.

More announcers talking and recapping the show so far.

Allie vs. Alisha Edwards

Rating: C-. This was much more storytelling than wrestling and there’s nothing wrong with that. Allie can only be the Bayley style character for so long as she’s a very well rounded performer and the kind of person who could be a fixture in the division with a different character. Alisha is getting better as well so the future is starting to pick up for the Knockouts.

Post match Allie stays on Alisha until Kiera pulls her off. Fans: “PSYCHO BUNNY!”

Jordynne Grace is coming.

X-Division Title: Rich Swann vs. Brian Cage

Cage is defending. Swann starts with the dancing and gets shoved down for his efforts. Cage shrugs off a dropkick but Swann flips out of a German suplex attempt. A hurricanrana doesn’t work either as Cage throws him down and hits some Roman Reigns clotheslines in the corner. It’s too early for the Drill Claw though and Cage misses a charge to the floor.

For some reason Swann follows him and gets powerbombed into the post. An apron superplex brings Swann back in and we take a break. Back with Swann being sent chest first into the buckle and then kicked in the face. Cage throws him down again as Josh and Don plug a Titanic marathon on Sunday. An F5 is escaped and Swann tries a front flip seated senton but gets caught in the air.

Instead it’s a DDT to drop Cage but he avoids the Phoenix splash. They trade kicks to the face with Swann getting the better of it, including more kicks to the head for two. Swann tries one kick too many though and gets caught in a pumphandle faceplant. An Angle Slam gets two on Swann but he pulls Cage out of the air with a cutter. A Lethal Injection sets up a middle rope 450 for two but the Phoenix splash misses. Cage powerbombs him, buckle bombs him, and Weapon X’s him for the pin to retain at 14:43.

Rating: B. Easily the best match on the show here and that’s a good sign considering how much potential both of these guys have. Cage is the create-a-wrestler come to life and Swann is a ball of charisma. This was a really fun match and the kind of thing that the show needed after a lot of storyline heavy stuff earlier in the night.

Post match here’s Sami Callihan to show a loop of him pinning Cage on Sunday. A fight breaks out but the Crist Brothers run in for the save. Cage clears the ring to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This wasn’t a great show but you don’t have to do much on the first night after Bound For Glory. Instead of having a big time show, they went with a cool down show with some stuff that advanced stories and made you want to come back for more. That’s a different path from what WWE would do and that’s not a bad idea. It was a very easy show to watch and that’s often something you need after so many weeks of heavier shows. It works for NXT and it worked fine enough here. Not a great show, but the right choice for this week.

Results

Taya Valkyrie b. Katarina – Road To Valhalla

Ethan Page b. Trevor Lee – Rock Bottom

Killer Kross b. Tommy Dreamer via referee stoppage

Allie b. Alisha Edwards – Codebreaker

Brian Cage b. Rich Swann – Weapon X

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: August 30, 2018
Location: Rebel Sports Complex, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Don Callis

Tonight is the Redefined show, which could mean several things. We’ll be getting a few title matches, including Su Yung defending the Knockouts Title against Tessa Blanchard and Allie, along with Fenix challenging for the X-Division Title. I’m sure there will be some more with Eddie Edwards/Moose vs. Austin Aries/Killer Kross as well. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the two title matches plus the Edwards vs. Aries feud.

Opening sequence.

X-Division Title: Brian Cage vs. Fenix

Fenix is defending and has Pentagon Jr. with him. Some early flips keep Fenix away from Cage until a drop toehold sets up a 619 from the champ. Fenix tries some springboards but gets his head taken off with a clothesline. That’s not something you see most X-Division people doing but it works well for him. Another springboard is broken up and a delayed apron superplex has Fenix in even more trouble.

Fenix finally scores with some kicks to the face but Cage runs him over again without much effort. More kicks just get Fenix tossed onto the ramp but he manages a Lethal Injection onto the ramp for a breather. A Swanton gets two but Cage hits his own superkick and a reverse Death Valley Driver. The fans are already on the FIGHT FOREVER chants. People it’s been six minutes. Chill.

Rating: B. There was a story here with Fenix trying to hang with Cage as long as he could but Cage kept shrugging it off and hitting one more big move after another. The ending was great with Fenix just not being able to survive the power. I could go for Pentagon vs. Cage but I’m not sure who in the world is supposed to stop Cage. Unless we’re coming up on Option C again.

Post match OVE comes in for the beatdown but Cage makes the save.

Recap of Moose returning last week and saving Edwards from Kross and Aries.

Scarlett Bordeaux charms her way past security.

Classic Clip of the Week: Drew Galloway debuts in January 2015.

Impact is coming to Mexico.

We look at the OGz running over a kid last week to get at LAX.

King yells at the OGz for feeling sympathy about the kid. Someone calls King and he leaves.

We recap the Knockouts Title match, which is Allie trying to get revenge on Yung for all of her attacks on Allie’s friends. Tessa is here because she wants to be champion.

Tessa isn’t feeling pressure because she’s a Blanchard. That means you need something though, and that’s why she’s winning the title tonight.

Here’s Eli Drake for a chat. Eli has had the Cult of Lee following him around for the last few weeks. They’re never going to be friends and Drake wanted to see what happened last week when they got in over their heads. Cue Mr. Atlantis and Brandon Tidwell, the guys who beat the Cult of Lee last week. They’re not quite ready to be stars yet because they have one more test. After pausing to listen to the THEY ARE DUMMIES chant, Drake says one of them has to face him tonight. Atlantis volunteers so Drake says he’ll face Tidwell.

Eli Drake vs. Brandon Tidwell

Gravy Train in 24 seconds.

Atlantis takes a Gravy Train of his own.

Moose and Edwards are ready for revenge.

Impact. Mexico. Still happening.

Knockouts Title: Su Yung vs. Allie vs. Tessa Blanchard

Yung is defending and has the Undead Bridesmaids while Allie has Kiera Hogan. Tessa hits them both in the face but Allie snaps off a Backstabber to take over. Allie clotheslines Tessa to make her DDT Yung but the champ pops back up for a staredown with Tessa. That earns Yung a shot from Allie but Tessa takes her down into a leglock.

Yung is back up for an armbar on Allie at the same time but ropes are grabbed in short order. Tessa press slams Yung onto the Bridesmaids but gets suplexed into the corner to give Allie two. Allie superkicks Tessa into the Mandible Claw but takes one herself a few seconds later. A slam gets Allie out of trouble but Tessa rolls her up for the pin (with trunks) and the title at 6:21. Tessa looks shocked that she won.

Rating: D+. They didn’t have time to do much here but Yung dropping the title was the only option. She’s been a near afterthought to Tessa for a long time now and the real feud is Tessa vs. Allie anyway. Yung felt like a Rosemary knockoff since she debuted and that’s not exactly how you present a top star. Time killed this one but they got the ending right.

In the back, Tessa says she knew she could do it and proved it. Come try her to see how tough a diamond can be.

Gama Singh beats up the Desi Hit Squad for failing.

Aries and Kross promise pain for Moose and Edwards. They’ve turned everything upside down and no one is safe.

LAX isn’t happy with the kid being run over. Konnan tells them to take care of the kid’s family but gets a phone call from someone he calls sir and leaves. LAX isn’t sure what to think but they’re not happy.

Mexico part three.

It’s time for the Smoke Show with Grado, Katarina and Joe Hendry. Scarlett suggests that there’s something between Katarina and Hendry but Joe says it’s not true. They’ll have a tag match next week and Hendry’s song will fix things. Scarlett whispers something to Grado and the water shoots out of his bottle. Katarina isn’t happy and the guys run off, leaving her to yell at Scarlett. Can we please get somewhere with this story already?

Petey Williams vs. Rich Swann

Swann goes straight to the dancing to start and throws in some splits for good measure. Petey sends him outside but comes back in with the slingshot Codebreaker. Swann flips over him and scores with a dropkick, only to be sent outside in a heap. Back from a break with O CANADA but Swann avoids a charge in the corner.

A pinfall reversal sequence gives them two each until Petey pulls him down for a Sharpshooter attempt. Can we just change his name to Mr. Canada already? That’s broken up as well and Swann hits a Falcon Arrow for two more. Swann misses the middle rope Phoenix splash but slips out of the Canadian Destroyer. Another pinfall reversal sequence gives them two each and Swann this the running shooting star for the pin at 10:20.

Rating: C-. I am so over Williams. He’s not interesting, his whole offense revolves around one move and he’s only there for the Canadian fans. He was funny back in the Scott Steiner days but good grief that was the better part of ten years ago. Just find someone else to do this stuff already and stop talking about the Destroyer already.

The announcers talk about Konnan apparently having a boss.

Swann wants the X-Division Title when Matt Sydal comes in to say Swann doesn’t know what he’s in for. As Sydal offers his help, Moose is found with the X symbol next to him. I think you know where this is going.

Austin Aries/Killer Kross vs. Eddie Edwards

No Moose. Kross starts for the team and plants Eddie with an early spinebuster. Aries comes in for a kick to the back of the head but Eddie is back with some kicks of his own. A running kick can’t knock Kross off the apron so Eddie kicks Aries to the floor. Kross cuts him off though and Aries takes over again. The villains take turns kicking and stomping away but Aries takes too much time going up.

The Backpack Stunner out of the corner gives Eddie a breather and a Blue Thunder Bomb gets two. Kross gets knocked outside and Eddie drops Aries with a suicide dive. With Aries back in, Kross suplexes Eddie on the floor to take him down again. Back in and a tiger bomb plants Aries but here’s the taped up Moose to grab Aries by the throat….and then spear Eddie. The referee gets thrown out and we’ll call it a no contest at 7:40.

Rating: C. This was much more of an angle than a big time match and the ending was far from a shock. It’s been a trope in wrestling for years and while it’s not a bad idea, it wasn’t exactly surprising. I’m not sure why Aries needs two monsters with him when Kross was doing his own thing but it’s not the worst idea in the world.

Post match Moose chairs Eddie. Alisha runs out to yell and slap Moose, who glares at her to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. So uh, what exactly was redefined here? I’m curious about some of the stuff they’re setting up here (LAX’s story is interesting) and the main event angle could go somewhere. It could be interesting to see who challenges the new trio but Cage, Pentagon and someone joining them is an option. That being said, this show didn’t do much for me as a lot of the wrestling was just ok to average and the good opener doesn’t quite cover it.

Results

Brian Cage b. Fenix – Superbomb

Tessa Blanchard b. Su Yung and Allie – Rollup with trunks to Allie

Rich Swann b. Petey Williams – Running shooting star press

Austin Aries/Killer Kross vs. Eddie Edwards went to a no contest when Moose threw the referee out

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/07/23/new-book-kbs-complete-2003-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 31, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews

It’s a big night tonight with the Under Pressure special, headlined by Austin Aries challenging Pentagon Jr. for the Impact Wrestling World Title. Pentagon won the title last month at Redemption in a three way but Aries is getting his rematch in a singles match. Other than that, Allie is defending the Knockouts Title against Su Yung in a casket match. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Earlier today, Sonjay Dutt held a talent meeting (because Sonjay is a boss around here) about the X attacks. The locker room says they have to stick together.

We get a rapid fire series of hype videos about the entire card.

Opening sequence.

Eli Drake vs. Scott Steiner

They were Tag Team Champions and fell apart due to colliding egos. Drake talks trash to start and gets shouldered down, followed by the overhead belly to belly. A slingshot shoulder drops Steiner but the Push Up Elbow gives Steiner two. They head outside with Steiner driving him into the barricade but getting posted to cut him off again. Back in and Drake misses a Lionsault, only to put Steiner up in an electric chair for a throat first drop drop across the top rope. Steiner shoves the referee away so Drake sneaks in a chair shot for the pin at 6:13.

Rating: D. That needs to be it for Steiner as he’s not exactly doing anything in the ring or on the microphone, the latter of which being the only thing he’s good for anymore. Drake didn’t get much of a rub off the win but it was short and he got a quick Tag Team Title run out of it so now he can move on.

Callis and Matthews talk about the rest of the show.

We recap Tessa Blanchard vs. Madison Rayne. Tessa debuted a few weeks ago and talked about how she was that much better than everyone else. Madison didn’t like it and the match was set up as a result.

Madison Rayne vs. Tessa Blanchard

Feeling out process to start with Tessa scoring off a quick tilt-a-whirl slam. A kick to the face gets two on Madison and Tessa dropkicks her in the back, allowing more cockiness and trash talk. Tessa grabs a swinging neckbreaker for two and we hit the chinlock. Madison fights back up with a northern lights suplex but a hanging Downward Spiral cuts her right back off and gives Tessa two. Some swearing at the referee looks to set up the hammerlock DDT but Madison reversed into a rollup for the surprise pin at 6:09.

Rating: D+. I’m sorry what? I would really hope that this is leading somewhere else as Madison hasn’t done anything in forever and Tessa is as complete of a package as they’ve had in a long time. They did seem to be suggesting that Madison won on a fluke because Tessa was too cocky, but I’m really not sure about having Tessa lose in any way so soon after she debuts.

LAX is in the clubhouse and Kingston has some rather fetching women for the guys, plus a match with the Cult of Lee next week.

Video on Brian Cage wrecking people around the world.

Dezmond Xavier vs. Brian Cage

Dezmond gets shoved around by raw power to start but manages a dropkick to send Cage outside. A running splash and some kicks have very little effect so Cage throws him back in. Xavier’s DDT is thrown away with a butterfly suplex and we hit that Terminator clap. Dezmond is smart enough to hit and move, including another kick to send Cage to the floor for a Space Flying Tiger Drop (I love wacky Japanese names for moves). Back in and the Final Flash gets one and that’s about it for Dezmond’s already limited chances here. The Drill Claw gives Cage the pin at 5:40.

Rating: D. Dezmond got in a lot here but the ending was never in doubt. I can appreciate a good monster, especially one with such a great look, and it’s nice to have the designated victim getting in some offense. Cage is just more important than the lower card of the X-Division and it wouldn’t be shocking to see Cage as a World Title contender by the end of the year.

Austin Aries says he’s the man who makes the belts matter because that’s how it works around here. Back in the day he breathed some life into this place and that’s what he’s going to do tonight. This time it’s one on one and we get to find out what Pentagon Jr. has. He may have no fear, but after tonight he’ll have no title. Good promo.

We recap Allie vs. Su Yung. Allie is terrified of Yung, who made it even worse when she got rid of Allie’s freaky friend Rosemary. Now Allie seems ready to tap into the dark side to defeat Yung once and for all.

The undead bridesmaids bring out the casket.

Knockouts Title: Allie vs. Su Yung

Allie is defending and comes out with the Rosemary face paint, which actually works very well for her. The champ wastes no time with some clotheslines and a suplex into the corner as Yung seems freaked out by the paint. Yung takes her down into a bodyscissors and calls for the casket to be opened, forcing Allie to look at it. Back up and Allie misses a charge into the corner but fights out of the casket. A running clothesline off the casket drops Yung and we take a break.

Back with Allie missing another charge and getting kicked in the face, knocking her backwards with her legs underneath. Yung’s chair is kicked away with Allie using it for a Codebreaker instead in a smart counter. A superkick knocks Yung into the casket but she gets her leg out for the save. That means the Mandible Claw to knock Allie out, giving Yung the title at 11:48.

Rating: C-. Nothing much here but Allie losing makes sense. Rosemary is going to be gone for a long time and there’s a story to be told with Allie maturing and eventually fighting back against the evil Yung could work. The division is very stacked with heels right now though and I’m not sure who else could take the title from Yung.

From Destination X, the Last Rites match between Sting and Abyss. This would be the one where the fans chanted FIRE RUSSO.

Pentagon has no fear and knows that Aries is great, but he’s not great enough.

Diamante thinks there’s something up with LAX and Kingston.

Petey Williams, who was the most vocal in the talent meeting, is found standing over Sonjay with the X symbol over him.

We recap Sami Callihan vs. Eddie Edwards.

Eddie is ready to go murder Sami in the woods (his words) and tells Alisha to stay here.

Impact Wrestling World Title: Austin Aries vs. Pentagon Jr.

Aries is challenging and his Grand Championship isn’t on the line. Pentagon takes his time on the floor and Aries takes him down with a suicide dive to start fast. The champ puts him up against the post and chops away, hitting the post on the second attempt. They get inside for the opening bell and Aries has the Last Chancery in short order. With the hold broken in short order, Aries ties the string from the mask to the ropes.

You do NOT do that to a luchador and Pentagon gets fired up, only to eat a missile dropkick. Aries sends him face first into the middle buckle and the middle rope elbow to the back gets two. They slug it out with Pentagon kicking him outside and we take a break. Back with Pentagon chopping even more and hitting the back to back Sling Blades.

Hang on though as Aries gets back in and swears a lot, saying this needs to restart. Pentagon is game and gets forearmed into a Death Valley Driver onto the apron. Since it’s a World Title match, Pentagon pops up and hits the Fear Factor on the apron. That means another double countout at 18:40 but, of course, we start it again at Pentagon’s insistence. Aries tells the referee to ring the bell, kicks Pentagon low, and hits the brainbuster to regain the title at 20:21.

Rating: B. This felt very much like an Impact main event: long (in a good way) and doing its job, but nothing that is going to be remembered in a few hours. These matches just don’t have the best staying power and that’s part of why Impact has issues getting anywhere: Aries turning heel is smart, but am I supposed to be upset that Pentagon got screwed? I don’t know much about Pentagon other than a catchphrase. In other words, build up the characters and this will be better.

Overall Rating: C+. These special episodes work rather well for Impact as they take their time and get through everything that they’re supposed to. The matches might not have been good and at least one booking decision was questionable, but the storytelling was fine for the most part and that’s what they need to get down. The X attacker continues to interest me, but egads they could blow that horribly. Overall not a great show, but the good storytelling made it work well enough for a big night.

Results

Eli Drake b. Scott Steiner – Chair to the head

Madison Rayne b. Tessa Blanchard – Rollup

Brian Cage b. Dezmond Xavier – Drill Claw

Su Yung b. Allie – Yung put Allie in the casket

Austin Aries b. Pentagon Jr. – Brainbuster

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 3, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews

Things are starting to get more interesting around here and a lot of that is stemming from the World Title scene. Pentagon Jr. won the World Title at Redemption and now a nice list of people are starting to go after him. It seems that Austin Aries is at the top of the list, but there’s also Scott Steiner, who is getting to be a bigger and bigger name as the weeks go by. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a rather detailed recap of last week’s show.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Eli Drake with the Tag Team Title and the World Title Feast or Fired briefcase. Standing on the middle rope, Drake talks about all the dummies that he sees around the arena tonight. Why are they dummies? That’s because they’re booing one half of the World Tag Team Champions. He’s out here with the briefcase and now he wants to talk about becoming a two time World Champion.

Then Austin Aries and Pentagon Jr. want to come out here and talk about being champion, but that doesn’t matter because they’re not E-Li-Drake. Eli is cashing in his briefcase next week and Pentagon can take a one way trip on the Gravy Train while Drake takes the World Title back. Cue Pentagon for CERO MIEDO and trash talk ensues. Things don’t get physical and they both leave.

The announcers run down the card.

Earlier today, Kiera Hogan said she was ready to challenge Taya Valkyrie to a rematch. Tessa Blanchard came and laughed at her for thinking that any of it mattered. All that matters is Tessa and that’s not changing.

Grado is back (erg) and talks to Joseph Park about his (Grado’s) newest hot woman. Cue Austin Aries to mock them both and give Grado a banana.

OVE vs. KM/Fallah Bahh

KM runs Jake over to start as the announcers talk about an upcoming seminar in Pittsburgh later this month. Jake drives him into the wrong corner and it’s off to Dave for some choking. KM manages to suplex them both at the same time and it’s off to Fallah for a big man crossbody. Both Crists are down so Bahh rolls over the two of them in succession and then does it again for good measure. Jake pops up and superkicks Bahh down for a rollup and the pin at 3:43.

Rating: D+. So Bahh and KM are the newest oddball tag team, meaning you can probably pencil them in for a title run later in the year. Just by being a team they’re already in the top four (at worst) teams in the division and that’s a problem for this promotion. At this point, it might be a good idea to just drop the Tag Team Titles. You have two hours a week and that’s not enough to make those work very well, especially not with the low level of attention they put on the belts.

Moose promises to win the World Title this year. Jimmy Jacobs comes in and laughs the idea off so Moose chokes him. Jacobs issues a challenge for Moose to face Kongo Kong next week. Tell me they wouldn’t have him go over Moose too.

Taya Valkyrie vs. Kiera Hogan

Rematch from Redemption. Taya wastes no time in sending her face first into the buckle but misses a charge. Kiera knocks her to the floor but here’s Tessa to jump Hogan for the DQ at 2:43.

Tessa beats the heck out of Hogan post match.

Video on Brian Cage.

From World Series Wrestling in Australia.

Brian Cage vs. Brodie Marshall vs. Mick Moretti vs. Slex

It’s not mentioned but this is a Wrestle Circus Ringmaster Title match with Cage defending. At least Josh explains who the three people are and it’s a big brawl to start with Marshall being sent outside. Marshall crawls away from Moretti (sounds like an Ivory tribute) but it’s Cage coming back in with a running hurricanrana. Cage backdrops Marshall and it’s time for a pose down with the fall smaller Moretti.

Marshall takes an F5 and Slex hits Cage by mistake, meaning his days are numbered. Moretti’s F5 to Cage is no sold and he carries Moretti and Marshall at the same time for a double fall away slam. A big no hands flip dive takes all three down but Slex gets two off a springboard spinning kick to the face. Moretti hits a fisherman’s buster on Slex for two but Cage hits a buckle bomb to drop Slex. There’s a German suplex to Cage but he pops back up and hits the Drill Claw on Slex to retain at 7:57.

Rating: D+. This might as well have been Cage beating up three jobbers in the Impact Zone. The wrestlers were fine but I know as much about them as I do about any given local competitors, which is what TNA never understands: I need a reason to care about these people and at the same time, a reason to believe they’re a threat to Cage. That wasn’t the case here and that’s really annoying.

Drago/Aerostar/El Hijo Del Fantasma vs. Dezmond Xavier/DJZ/Andrew Everett

Lucha rules. Fantasma and Xavier (who has done nothing after winning the Super X Cup last year) start things off and it’s a standoff, allowing Aerostar to come in with a springboard hurricanrana. Things speed up in a hurry and the luchadors clear the ring without much effort. Everett scores with a springboard spinning kick to the face and let’s hit those upcoming date announcements because it’s not like there’s anything going on in the ring at the moment.

Fantasma chops Everett to slow things down and a kick to the face gives Drago two. Things speed up again as Everett goes to the floor and it’s off to Dezmond for a Backstabber. Everett and Dezmond try stereo Lionsaults from the same rope (cool) but only hit mat. It’s off to a four way submission until Aerostar breaks it up, likely due to the high levels of implausibility. Stereo Octopus Holds are broken up with stereo kicks to the face, followed by Xavier hitting a cartwheel into a moonsault onto the floor.

DJZ, with the horn, hits a dive of his own. Fantasma adds his suicide dive and Aerostar hits a springboard trust fall to take us to a break. Back with the luchadors down and the three Americans going to the top (same corner) for a trio of top rope splashes/dives for three near falls. Aerostar is back up with a springboard backsplash for two on DJZ, only to have Dezmond backflip kick Aerostar. Everett catches Aerostar on the top and the DZT is good for the pin at 16:32.

Rating: B-. It was fun, as most lucha matches are, but this went longer than it needed to go. These things don’t need to go very long as you get the idea in the first half. Why go longer and lose the impact that they can have later? And as a bonus, why are none of these people going after the X-Division Title? Could it be because there’s a certain group that goes after that title and these guys aren’t in it for whatever reason?

They do the big post match handshake. It wasn’t THAT good of a match.

Aries asks Drake about cashing in next week and wishes him luck. Not that it matters as he’s coming for the title no matter what. He knows he can beat Drake too.

We look at Ultimate X from Destination X 2012 with Zema Ion (DJZ) winning the title.

KM and Bahh argue with KM saying he can change Bahh’s life and make him cool. As they talk, we see someone else down in the back. The X symbol is seen again.

Last Friday, Eddie Edwards was released from jail when Tommy Dreamer came up and had him get in a car. Eddie: “Really?”

X-Division Title: Taiji Ishimori vs. Matt Sydal

Sydal is defending. They start slowly until Ishimori sends him to the floor for a teased springboard dive. Back from a break with Sydal grabbing an inverted Muta Lock, followed by a spinwheel kick. Double knees in the corner rock Sydal but he goes right back to the leg in a smart move.

The standing moonsault hits Ishimori’s legs but he has to roll through the 450. With that not working, the Tombstone into the double knees to the chest rock Sydal again. Not that it matters as he pops up and pulls Ishimori off the top for the front flip into the rollup to retain at 11:55.

Rating: C+. Nice match but I’m still not sure how interesting Sydal is as champion. The third eye and all that jazz doesn’t exactly thrill me and while his matches are good, they’re nothing all that great. Ishimori is a case of I’ve seen him a few times and I don’t need to see him again. He’s perfectly fine, but these ten minute matches aren’t going to let him showcase how good he can be.

Dreamer talks to Eddie about wasting so much time of his life trying to beat one person and says you can’t do this in 2018. You can however continue talking about ECW. It’s only been seventeen years.

Rosemary doesn’t want Allie at ringside with her tonight because that’s how it has to be.

LAX is panicking because they’ve lost everything, including the money and the girls. Maybe sell the clubhouse?

Su Yung vs. Rosemary

Yung tries to jump her on the floor and the fight starts on the outside with Yung being sent into the steps. The Panic Switch plants Rosemary on the floor and here come the army of demonic bridesmaids with a casket. There was no bell so no match.

Allie comes out for the save but the bridesmaids pull her away. Rosemary is back up and grabs the kendo stick to point at Yung. Su spits in her eyes and hits a Panic Switch off the stage through a table. Rosemary is put in the casket to end the show. Why do I have a feeling this is going to turn into Rosemary as Yung’s minion?

Overall Rating: C+. I liked this more than I was expecting to as it feels like they’re starting to turn things up a few notches. It’s nice to see them do something fresh and while they’re still doing some of the stories from before Redemption, at least they’re starting to go in some different directions with those stories. Better than what they’ve been doing lately and I can more than take that.

Results

OVE b. Fallah Bahh/KM – Rollup to Bahh

Kiera Hogan b. Taya Valkyrie via DQ when Tessa Blanchard interfered

Brian Cage b. Brodie Marshall, Mick Moretti and Slex – Drill Claw to Slex

DJZ/Andrew Everett/Dezmond Xavier b. Aerostar/El Hijo Del Fantasma/Drago – DZT to Aerostar

Matt Sydal b. Taiji Ishimori – Front flip into a rollup

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 26, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews

We’re past Redemption and that means it’s time to get ready for Slammiversary. What that means is kind of up in the air at this point but it really could go in a variety of directions. Above all else though, we have a new World Champion as Pentagon Jr. defeated Austin Aries and Fenix in a triple threat match on Sunday. Let’s get to it.

Here are the Redemption results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of Redemption, including results from every match.

Earlier today, Austin Aries talked to the roster and said he’s still the Grand Champion so it’s now the top title. Aries makes a bunch of excuses and Moose calls him out on them before walking out. The rest of the people leave as well. Sounds heel turnish to me.

Opening sequence.

The pay per view set is now the regular set.

Brian Cage vs. Trevor Lee

Lee drops to the floor for a meeting with Caleb Konley to start before a shoulder drops him to the floor again. Cage throws him around and shrugs off a forearm but a Konley distraction lets Lee kick him outside. Back in and a bridging German suplex gives Lee two and Konley adds in some choking. That’s enough for Cage who Hulks Up and hits a powerslam, followed by the apron superplex. The Drill Claw puts Lee away at 5:04.

Rating: D+. Cage is starting to run through some bigger names and it wouldn’t shock me if the names get bigger and bigger as we move forward. There’s a certain monster quality to him and I wouldn’t be surprised to see him near the World Title picture within the next year or so. Lee isn’t going to lose anything by getting destroyed here, but it was nice to have him get in some offense.

A livid Eddie Edwards arrived earlier today and ran into Tommy Dreamer (in a Lucha Underground shirt). Tommy told him to go be with his wife but Eddie shoved him out of the way.

Here’s Eddie in the arena to talk about putting Sami Callihan in the hospital. He’s not done though because he wants to put OVE in there right next to Sami. Cue OVE for the 2-1 fight and Eddie runs through them before grabbing the kendo stick. We cut to the hospital room where someone in a wheelchair with balloons covering his face rolls up to Alisha Edwards’ bed. It’s a very banged up Callihan, who says he wants to talk.

OH MY GOODNESS how stupid can Eddie be? A few weeks ago he sees OVE in his wife’s hotel and then LEAVES after checking on her for a few seconds. Now he leaves her IN THE SAME HOSPITAL WHERE CALLIHAN IS STAYING??? My goodness I know he’s a face in wrestling but Sting would find this dumb.

We look at Sunday’s main event.

Classic clip: the Steiner Brothers vs. Team 3D at Bound For Glory. I really wouldn’t point out that one half of your Tag Team Champions was old eleven years ago.

Video on DJZ, who is back after over a year away.

Moose vs. Braxton Sutter

Sutter’s pre-match promo is cut off by Moose’s music. Moose throws him into the corner to start and dropkicks him out to the floor in a heap. Sutter gets in a whip to send Moose into the barricade, followed by a suplex into the corner for two. That earns Sutter a running elbow and running dropkick in the corner, followed by a spear for the pin at 3:32.

Rating: D. Nearly a total squash here, which makes sense as Sutter has announced that he’s done with the promotion. It’s not like Sutter has done anything of note in the company and now that he and Su Yung seem to be done, there’s no reason to not have him go out on his back like this.

Post match the fans chant HAPPY BIRTHDAY at Moose. He wants Pentagon Jr. and the World Title.

Matt Sydal promises to retain the X-Division Title against Taiji Ishimori. A commotion is heard and we go to see someone (not clear who) unconscious with an X on their chest.

LAX wants the titles back but also want to know what’s happened to Konnan.

Knockouts Title: Taya Valkyrie vs. Allie

Allie is defending. Taya wastes no time in jumping Allie and hammering away in the corner. Allie’s comeback is cut off in very short order as Taya powers her down without much effort. A running dropkick in the corner only hits buckle and Allie is in even more trouble. Taya is all fired up but the Road to Valhalla is broken up, allowing Allie to hit the superkick and Codebreaker to retain at 4:17. That was pretty much all of her offense.

Rating: D. Nothing to this one and Taya deserved more than that in a title shot. Allie shrugged off everything Taya threw at her and won with her regular stuff in short order. The match needed more time, but then we wouldn’t have been able to plug the Steiner Brothers vs. Team 3D match and that’s WAY more important.

Post match Su Yung appears, flanked by a bunch of dead brides. They load up a casket but Rosemary appears for the showdown. The lights go out again and Su is gone.

Slammiversary is in Toronto.

KM yells at Fallah Bahh, his partner for next week. Why in the world are these two getting TV time?

Eddie goes to the hospital to see Alisha, who isn’t happy with him leaving her there. He goes into Callihan’s room and beats the heck out of him until a bunch of doctors make the save. This crazy Eddie character is actually working for me.

Video on Kongo Kong vs. Johnny Impact from last week.

Tag Team Titles: Eli Drake/Scott Steiner vs. LAX

Drake and Steiner are defending. Before the match, Steiner says he promised he’d win “last night” (which he says twice) because he’s world famous. Konnan was at Taco Bell due to a discount on burritos so we know his priorities. The champs stall on the floor for a long time before Ortiz drives Drake into the corner to start. Santana comes in for a chop of his own but gets taken outside and sent into the steps by Steiner as we take a break. Back with Steiner getting two off a belly to belly as he picks Santana up.

The fans chant for LAX but get cut off when Steiner “hits” a belly to belly superplex (not rotating enough and nearly falling backwards). It’s back to Drake (thankfully) for a chinlock as we hear that Edwards has been arrested. Well duh. Santana rolls over for a tag so Ortiz can get two off a short DDT. The Death Valley Driver gets two more on Drake but the Street Sweeper is countered into a powerslam (ala Rick Steiner back in the day) to pin Ortiz and retain the titles at 10:54.

Rating: D+. Steiner continues to be scary with some of those near botches, but at least they have a “big name” on the roster now right? Steiner does offer some star power but really, how much is he going to be able to offer without maiming someone? I can’t imagine that he’s going to be around very long but I’m still not a fan.

Post match Drake holds up the World Title briefcase and suggests that he’s cashing in right now. Actually it’s just a warning, but here’s Aries anyway. Back from a break, Aries says he’s healing from a dislocated elbow and looks at the “suitcase”. The fans chant for Aries, who says he wishes they were here on Sunday. The Grand Championship is what matters now but he’ll get the World Title back soon enough.

Drake wants to fight Pentagon, Aries and the Easter Bunny because it means he’s getting the title back. Cue Pentagon Jr. to say CERO MIEDO (zero fear) but Steiner and Drake beat down Pentagon and Aries. They fight back and clear the champs out of the ring, leaving Aries and Pentagon to stare each other down to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I wasn’t feeling this one, as there wasn’t a lot in the vein of storyline advancement and the wrestling was nothing of note. Allie and Rosemary continue to be an interesting team but really, there’s not much else to go on here. That being said, they have a ton of time to get ready for the next pay per view so it’s not like this needed to be incredible. Not the worst, but nothing that pulled me in.

Results

Brian Cage b. Trevor Lee – Drill Claw

Moose b. Braxton Sutter – Spear

Allie b. Taya Valkyrie – Codebreaker

Eli Drake/Scott Steiner b. LAX – Powerslam to Ortiz

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6