IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 26, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews

We’re past Redemption and that means it’s time to get ready for Slammiversary. What that means is kind of up in the air at this point but it really could go in a variety of directions. Above all else though, we have a new World Champion as Pentagon Jr. defeated Austin Aries and Fenix in a triple threat match on Sunday. Let’s get to it.

Here are the Redemption results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of Redemption, including results from every match.

Earlier today, Austin Aries talked to the roster and said he’s still the Grand Champion so it’s now the top title. Aries makes a bunch of excuses and Moose calls him out on them before walking out. The rest of the people leave as well. Sounds heel turnish to me.

Opening sequence.

The pay per view set is now the regular set.

Brian Cage vs. Trevor Lee

Lee drops to the floor for a meeting with Caleb Konley to start before a shoulder drops him to the floor again. Cage throws him around and shrugs off a forearm but a Konley distraction lets Lee kick him outside. Back in and a bridging German suplex gives Lee two and Konley adds in some choking. That’s enough for Cage who Hulks Up and hits a powerslam, followed by the apron superplex. The Drill Claw puts Lee away at 5:04.

Rating: D+. Cage is starting to run through some bigger names and it wouldn’t shock me if the names get bigger and bigger as we move forward. There’s a certain monster quality to him and I wouldn’t be surprised to see him near the World Title picture within the next year or so. Lee isn’t going to lose anything by getting destroyed here, but it was nice to have him get in some offense.

A livid Eddie Edwards arrived earlier today and ran into Tommy Dreamer (in a Lucha Underground shirt). Tommy told him to go be with his wife but Eddie shoved him out of the way.

Here’s Eddie in the arena to talk about putting Sami Callihan in the hospital. He’s not done though because he wants to put OVE in there right next to Sami. Cue OVE for the 2-1 fight and Eddie runs through them before grabbing the kendo stick. We cut to the hospital room where someone in a wheelchair with balloons covering his face rolls up to Alisha Edwards’ bed. It’s a very banged up Callihan, who says he wants to talk.

OH MY GOODNESS how stupid can Eddie be? A few weeks ago he sees OVE in his wife’s hotel and then LEAVES after checking on her for a few seconds. Now he leaves her IN THE SAME HOSPITAL WHERE CALLIHAN IS STAYING??? My goodness I know he’s a face in wrestling but Sting would find this dumb.

We look at Sunday’s main event.

Classic clip: the Steiner Brothers vs. Team 3D at Bound For Glory. I really wouldn’t point out that one half of your Tag Team Champions was old eleven years ago.

Video on DJZ, who is back after over a year away.

Moose vs. Braxton Sutter

Sutter’s pre-match promo is cut off by Moose’s music. Moose throws him into the corner to start and dropkicks him out to the floor in a heap. Sutter gets in a whip to send Moose into the barricade, followed by a suplex into the corner for two. That earns Sutter a running elbow and running dropkick in the corner, followed by a spear for the pin at 3:32.

Rating: D. Nearly a total squash here, which makes sense as Sutter has announced that he’s done with the promotion. It’s not like Sutter has done anything of note in the company and now that he and Su Yung seem to be done, there’s no reason to not have him go out on his back like this.

Post match the fans chant HAPPY BIRTHDAY at Moose. He wants Pentagon Jr. and the World Title.

Matt Sydal promises to retain the X-Division Title against Taiji Ishimori. A commotion is heard and we go to see someone (not clear who) unconscious with an X on their chest.

LAX wants the titles back but also want to know what’s happened to Konnan.

Knockouts Title: Taya Valkyrie vs. Allie

Allie is defending. Taya wastes no time in jumping Allie and hammering away in the corner. Allie’s comeback is cut off in very short order as Taya powers her down without much effort. A running dropkick in the corner only hits buckle and Allie is in even more trouble. Taya is all fired up but the Road to Valhalla is broken up, allowing Allie to hit the superkick and Codebreaker to retain at 4:17. That was pretty much all of her offense.

Rating: D. Nothing to this one and Taya deserved more than that in a title shot. Allie shrugged off everything Taya threw at her and won with her regular stuff in short order. The match needed more time, but then we wouldn’t have been able to plug the Steiner Brothers vs. Team 3D match and that’s WAY more important.

Post match Su Yung appears, flanked by a bunch of dead brides. They load up a casket but Rosemary appears for the showdown. The lights go out again and Su is gone.

Slammiversary is in Toronto.

KM yells at Fallah Bahh, his partner for next week. Why in the world are these two getting TV time?

Eddie goes to the hospital to see Alisha, who isn’t happy with him leaving her there. He goes into Callihan’s room and beats the heck out of him until a bunch of doctors make the save. This crazy Eddie character is actually working for me.

Video on Kongo Kong vs. Johnny Impact from last week.

Tag Team Titles: Eli Drake/Scott Steiner vs. LAX

Drake and Steiner are defending. Before the match, Steiner says he promised he’d win “last night” (which he says twice) because he’s world famous. Konnan was at Taco Bell due to a discount on burritos so we know his priorities. The champs stall on the floor for a long time before Ortiz drives Drake into the corner to start. Santana comes in for a chop of his own but gets taken outside and sent into the steps by Steiner as we take a break. Back with Steiner getting two off a belly to belly as he picks Santana up.

The fans chant for LAX but get cut off when Steiner “hits” a belly to belly superplex (not rotating enough and nearly falling backwards). It’s back to Drake (thankfully) for a chinlock as we hear that Edwards has been arrested. Well duh. Santana rolls over for a tag so Ortiz can get two off a short DDT. The Death Valley Driver gets two more on Drake but the Street Sweeper is countered into a powerslam (ala Rick Steiner back in the day) to pin Ortiz and retain the titles at 10:54.

Rating: D+. Steiner continues to be scary with some of those near botches, but at least they have a “big name” on the roster now right? Steiner does offer some star power but really, how much is he going to be able to offer without maiming someone? I can’t imagine that he’s going to be around very long but I’m still not a fan.

Post match Drake holds up the World Title briefcase and suggests that he’s cashing in right now. Actually it’s just a warning, but here’s Aries anyway. Back from a break, Aries says he’s healing from a dislocated elbow and looks at the “suitcase”. The fans chant for Aries, who says he wishes they were here on Sunday. The Grand Championship is what matters now but he’ll get the World Title back soon enough.

Drake wants to fight Pentagon, Aries and the Easter Bunny because it means he’s getting the title back. Cue Pentagon Jr. to say CERO MIEDO (zero fear) but Steiner and Drake beat down Pentagon and Aries. They fight back and clear the champs out of the ring, leaving Aries and Pentagon to stare each other down to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I wasn’t feeling this one, as there wasn’t a lot in the vein of storyline advancement and the wrestling was nothing of note. Allie and Rosemary continue to be an interesting team but really, there’s not much else to go on here. That being said, they have a ton of time to get ready for the next pay per view so it’s not like this needed to be incredible. Not the worst, but nothing that pulled me in.

Results

Brian Cage b. Trevor Lee – Drill Claw

Moose b. Braxton Sutter – Spear

Allie b. Taya Valkyrie – Codebreaker

Eli Drake/Scott Steiner b. LAX – Powerslam to Ortiz

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 5, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Sonjay Dutt, Josh Matthews

Things continue to change around here as many names seem to be either debuting or departing. There’s a lot going on at the moment, including the build to the first regular pay per view in about six months. It’s time to really start the build towards Redemption and a lot of that could take place tonight. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Brian Cage beating Bobby Lashley in a big upset with the rematch taking place tonight. Austin Aries vs. Alberto El Patron gets some focus as well.

Opening sequence.

Here’s an annoyed Bobby Lashley to rant about everyone wanting to prove themselves against him. He’s not going to have Cage out here saying he proved something by winning once on a fluke. Come out here and do it again.

Bobby Lashley vs. Brian Cage

Lashley knocks Cage off the apron before a bell and hammers away without taking off his hat and shirt. Cage shrugs it off and gets two off an F5 but Lashley hides behind the referee to avoid the discus lariat. A low blow gets two on Cage and Lashley hammers away in the corner while Dutt mocks Josh for losing his title last week.

Cage grabs a German suplex and a Death Valley Driver for two more, followed by the apron superplex to drop Lashley again. Lashley gets in a superplex of his own for two and the spear is good for the same. Instead it’s the Drill Claw to put Lashley away at 8:06 for Cage’s second straight win over him.

Rating: C+. Nice power match here and another good way to make Cage look like the new monster now that Lashley is on his way out. There’s a good chance that this is Lashley’s last match with the company and that’s probably the best all around. There’s nothing left for him to do around here so go back to WWE and see what you can do there.

The announcers preview the show.

Here’s Allie for a chat. Allie isn’t afraid of Su Yung and ACTUALLY SWEARS as she demands that Yung come out here for a fight.

Allie vs. Su Yung

Non-title. Allie hammers away to start but the superkick is blocked with a kick to the ribs. Back from a very early break with Allie getting stomped down in the corner. Yung brings in the kendo stick but Allie knocks it away. A running dropkick sends Yung into the corner but here’s Braxton Sutter to beg Allie’s forgiveness. Allie doesn’t care and gets two off a Codebreaker but Yung hits her with the kendo stick for the DQ at 7:44.

Rating: D. Not a good match but clearly just there to advance us to the likely title match at Redemption. Yung is a more sinister Rosemary and that’s a good way to play off of Allie. She can be a good first title defense as Allie needs to get away from being Gail Kim’s fangirl for a long time. There’s potential in Allie, but she needs some big wins.

Rosemary wants to face Taya next week and finish this once and for all.

Matt Sydal and Josh Matthews rant about Austin Aries and want to get rid of him once and for all. Sydal is ready for Petey Williams at Redemption but next week, Josh will face Petey himself. Egads.

KM sends Richard Justice to the ring for a match.

Post break, KM comes to the ring and berates Justice for being a fat embarrassment to wrestling. Well yeah. After some more fat jokes, Justice starts crying. KM: “I’m sorry I have to say this to your face. I would have said it behind your back but my car only has a half a tank of gas.” Fallah Bahh comes in with Josh saying fat shaming is bad. The Cult of Lee comes in and beats down Bahh, bringing in Tyrus for the real save. A six man is likely for next week.

Eli Drake is ready to win the other briefcase so tonight he can swim in gold like Scrooge McDuck.

Taiji Ishimori vs. Johnny Impact

They fight over wristlocks to start until Johnny takes over with a headlock and front facelock. A dropkick puts Impact on the floor as the announcers try to dub him Johnny Gorgeous. Ishimori’s middle rope moonsault to the floor puts Johnny down again and they’re both a bit winded.

Back in and Johnny wins a slugout before taking Ishimori down without too much trouble. A standing shooting star gives Johnny two but his sunset bomb is countered into a hurricanrana for two. Not that it matters as Impact is right back with a running knee to the face, followed by Starship Pain for the pin at 7:55.

Rating: C+. Not bad here but the hyping of “FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER” was a bit of a stretch here. They’re both good, but I need something a bit stronger for that to be the match’s selling point. Johnny winning helps set him up for Kongo Kong, because Impact Wrestling is the kind of promotion where you have Alberto El Patron fighting for the World Title and Kongo Kong feuding with Johnny Impact.

Post match here are Jimmy Jacobs and Kong to destroy Impact. Johnny fights back and hits a dive to clear out the villains.

Long video on Aries vs. El Patron. Aries recently returned and won the World Title after fighting to get where he is. Alberto talks about being from Mexico and having to fight for his one shot. He was stripped of the World Title and needs a chance to get it back on his own (this is talked about with shots of the domestic violence headlines shown).

They both know they can’t get in the other’s head and they both need to be ready for the fight of their lives. Aries knows he can’t intimidate Alberto because he’s been on the biggest stage so he’ll just have to beat him. It’s about redemption for both of them. This ran nearly eight minutes and was really good stuff as there’s actually a story there.

Moose would love to win another briefcase.

Classic Clip: Kurt Angle vs. Jay Lethal from No Surrender 2007. That’s still a great job of putting someone over and I’m sure Angle had something to do with the decision.

LAX doesn’t care who leaves with the briefcase.

Moose vs. Eli Drake

Winner gets both briefcases. Moose wastes no time in dropkicking Drake outside and then lawn darting him onto the apron. Drake posts him though and we take a break. Back with Drake hitting a guillotine legdrop and hitting a powerslam. The E-LI-DRAKE elbow gets two and we hit the chinlock.

Drake gets the same off a neckbreaker but misses a charge and gets caught with a buckle bomb. The Game Changer hits the referee (erg) so here’s OVE to take out Moose. Cue Eddie Edwards for the save and Jake Crist takes a powerbomb from Moose. Drake picks up the bat and hits Moose in the face for two, followed by the Gravy Train for the pin at 13:38.

Rating: C. I’m so over OVE. They’re not entertaining, they’re not very good, and their whole thing is hitting someone in the face with a bat, which apparently doesn’t work very well. The match was just a match until the ending, when things got a little stupid. I like Drake winning though as he’s the more interesting of the two (better promo at least) and thankfully they’re leaving him in the main event at least for now.

Overall Rating: C+. Nice show this week with some good wrestling and story advancement as they’re getting ready for what should be a solid pay per view. They also got some stuff ready for next week, which is always a welcome addition to any show. Just deliver on what you’ve set up and things will be fine.

Results

Brian Cage b. Bobby Lashley – Drill Claw

Allie b. Su Yung via DQ when Yung used a kendo stick

Johnny Impact b. Taiji Ishimori – Starship Pain

Eli Drake b. Moose – Gravy Train

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: March 8, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Sonjay Dutt

It’s a big show tonight with Crossroads. The name doesn’t really mean anything but it’s a stacked card with Austin Aries defending the World Title against Johnny Impact as the main event. Last week’s show saw Sami Callihan crush Eddie Edwards’ face with a baseball bat so you can almost guarantee some fallout there. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

In the studio, Dutt and Matthews run down the card and talk about how important tonight is.

We recap LAX vs. the Cult of Lee, which boils down to “LAX needs challengers and the Cult of Lee is all we have”.

Tag Team Titles: LAX vs. Cult of Lee

LAX is defending and jumps the Cult before the bell. They slug it out on the floor with Caleb Konley throwing Ortiz into the steps to take over. We finally settle down to Santana and Konley in the ring with a Lionsault/legdrop combination crushing Caleb as we take a break. Back with Santana hitting a running kick to the face to put Lee down. The hot tag brings in Ortiz for some running ax handles and a backdrop.

The champs start their double teaming, followed by the barrage of flip dives. Back in and some hard forearms into a superkick rock LAX, followed by a Samoan Driver for two on Santana. Ortiz hits a quick suplex into a Stunner but Lee breaks up the Street Sweeper. Konnan offers a quick distraction though and now the Street Sweeper puts Konley away at 13:00.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t interesting coming in but the action more than made up for it. The problem of course is where do the champs go from here, but odds are it’s going to be a long series of rematches with the Cult. Hopefully they’re like this though as it was a lot of fun and better than I ever would have expected.

Bobby Lashley doesn’t have a partner tonight but is ready to face OVE on his own tonight.

Classic clip: Monty Brown vs. Christian.

We recap Taiji Ishimori vs. Matt Sydal in a title for title match. Grand Champion Sydal has been following the advice of his spirit guide and won the title as a result. Now the guide has told him to go win the X-Division Title as well.

X-Division Title/Grand Championship: Taiji Ishimori vs. Matt Sydal

Title for title. I didn’t hear a bell ring but it’s a feeling out process to start with Sydal taking him up against the ropes and saying PEACE twice in a row. Ishimori spins out of a wristlock as the announcers make fun of internet reports. Sydal takes him up top but gets shoved down, followed by a jumping Codebreaker as we take a break.

Back with Ishimori holding a chinlock but getting slammed head first into the mat for the break. A half crab keeps Ishimori down and a reverse Muta Lock makes things even worse. Ishimori fights up and hits a running kick to the chest, followed by a Vader Bomb double stomp (I still don’t get how that doesn’t crack a rib) for two. A modified TKO (Sydal’s back was against the back of Ishimori’s head) gets two more but Sydal snaps off a middle rope hurricanrana to get things to even.

Sydal is sent outside and Ishimori gets a running start down the ramp for a hurricanrana. Back in and they exchange near falls until Sydal’s jumping knee t the face drops Ishimori. The shooting star misses and Ishimori’s Tombstone gutbuster puts him down. The 450 hits knees though and Sydal hits the shooting star for the pin at 16:25.

Rating: B. Heck of a match here with both guys hitting each other with everything they had. The clean ending is kind of surprising but hopefully this leads to the end of the Grand Championship. This show just doesn’t need that many titles floating around, especially when the Grand Championship is just a standard midcard title anymore.

Allie is ready to win the Knockouts Title back because she’s grown as a Knockout. She’ll dedicate the win to Gail Kim. WELL OF COURSE SHE WILL!

We recap Allie vs. Laurel Van Ness. Laurel is all crazy and such but Allie is growing up and immune to her mind games.

Knockouts Title: Laurel Van Ness vs. Allie

Laurel is defending and Allie jumps her in the aisle to start. They head inside with Laurel hammering away and pounding Allie in the face on the mat. Laurel misses a dive off the top though and walks into a Codebreaker for a double knockdown. Allie suplexes her into the corner and takes Laurel outside where the champ is sat in a chair.

A running elbow drops Laurel but she grabs an Unprettier onto the floor to knock Allie silly. That’s only good for nine so Laurel stomps away back inside and a curb stomp sends Allie face first into the buckle. Laurel grabs the belt but walks into a Death Valley Driver. A superkick is enough to give Allie the title back at 8:40.

Rating: C. This didn’t have time to really go anywhere but Allie getting the title back should have happened about a year ago. It’s nice to have her FINALLY get to do something positive instead of being a glorified joke. Good enough match here too, but it’s really just a way to get the title off of Laurel before she leaves the promotion.

Post break, Gail congratulates Allie. Good, now go away.

Austin Aries is sore from carrying the world on his back. Tonight, he’s ready to defeat Johnny Impact because he doesn’t take nights off.

We recap OVE vs. Lashley. OVE decided to go after a big prize like Lashley but Eddie Edwards came to Lashley’s aide. Then Sami Callihan crushed Eddie’s face with a baseball bat, making this a handicap match.

Lashley vs. OVE

Lashley clotheslines them down on the ramp and then suplexes both of them inside. Some kicks to the ribs take Lashley down though and we take an early break. Back with Lashley still in trouble but here’s Brian Cage to tag himself in and start cleaning house. Dave is sent to the floor so Sami comes in with the baseball bat. That earns him a spear though and Cage Drill Claws Jake for the pin at 9:56.

Rating: D. This was more of an angle than a match and really, that’s fine. It’s not like there was a ton of motivation from OVE in the first place so having them lost (in dominant fashion) to Cage was a good idea. Not a good match or anything, but it’s fun to see Cage destroy people as he’s exceptionally good at doing so.

Post match Cage won’t shake Lashley’s hand.

Johnny Impact has more names than Aries has titles but he doesn’t call himself the greatest man that ever lived. He’s not that insecure and only wants the Impact World Title. Tonight is his night.

Feast or Fired is back next week.

Impact Wrestling World Title: Austin Aries vs. Johnny Impact

Johnny is challenging. Feeling out process to start with Aries rolling into the corner for a standoff. Aries jumps over him in the corner and snaps off an armdrag into an armbar. That’s broken up so Aries settles for a basement dropkick instead. Back from a break with Johnny hitting a jumping fall away slam and grabbing a cobra clutch with a body scissors. Johnny lets go but Aries breaks up a springboard by knocking the legs out.

Aries follows him to the floor with an ax handle and a middle rope elbow to the back gets two. The sliding German suplex gets Johnny out of trouble and a double springboard Flying Chuck gives him a near fall of his own. A leg lariat and the standing shooting star give Johnny two more but Aries is right back with the Last Chancery.

Johnny gets a foot on the ropes for the break and manages to catch Aries on top with a Spanish Fly. That’s not enough for the Countdown to Impact as Aries blasts him in the face and pulls Johnny to the apron. A Death Valley Driver on the apron knocks Johnny silly, followed by the brainbuster to retain the title at 18:11.

Rating: B+. These two know how to have a big match against each other and that’s what we got here. I could have used a story between them but that’s just not the way Impact does big time matches like this. Aries winning is another big deal for him and whenever he loses, the new champion is going to look like a big deal, which is very important for a reign like this.

Alberto El Patron comes out to applaud Aries to end the show. Well where would we be without Alberto getting a title shot?

Overall Rating: A-. Heck of a show here, as is usually the case with these specials. They don’t try to be anything more than a bunch of very good matches and that’s what we got here. The problem of course is going back to the storytelling episodes, which are rarely the strongest things in the world. Impact knows how to do something like this very well though and they did it again here.

Results

LAX b. Cult of Lee – Street Sweeper to Konley

Matt Sydal b. Taiji Ishimori – Shooting star press

Allie b. Laurel Van Ness – Superkick

Austin Aries b. Johnny Impact – Brainbuster

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: January 25, 2018
Location: Aberdeen Pavilion, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

So apparently this is one of their big shows, which was only first mentioned last week. Most of the titles are on the line tonight, including a triple threat match inside a cage with Eli Drake defending against Johnny Impact and Alberto El Patron. It’s hard to say what else they might throw out here so let’s get to it.

The opening video is your standard look at the bigger names talking about what their matches mean. It might help if this show had some more build, or if I could tell you what this show had to offer. What we get here is good though as it’s a stylish way to put out a simple concept.

Opening sequence.

Grand Championship: Matt Sydal vs. Ethan Carter III

Carter is defending and there are no judges, rounds or scoring, but rather a standard match. Sydal dropkicks him at the bell and the champ is knocked outside early on. Back in and a pair of basement dropkicks give Sydal two but Carter gets a breather off a running clothesline. A cravate doesn’t work very well for the champ so he whips Sydal into the corner a few times.

Carter can’t hit a Stinger Splash though and the double knees from the top give Matt two. Back up and Sydal’s super hurricanrana misses with Matt’s face slamming straight into the turnbuckle. We take a break to make sure Sydal’s head isn’t broken and come back with Carter hitting a cutter for two. A TK3 over the top rope connects but Sydal is right back up with a spinwheel kick.

They head to the apron with Carter grabbing a DDT, only to have Sydal pop right back up again. That’s getting a bit annoying as he’s barely staying down off these big shots to the head. Sydal knees him in the face but can’t hit the shooting star press. For some reason Carter takes him to the top for a super TK3, only to get shoved down for the shooting star to give Sydal the title at 15:59.

Rating: C. Sydal’s selling issues aside, this was the right call. Sydal has been called a choker who can never win the big match so he got things down to a regular one on one match and won the title here. I’m really hoping the title shifts towards a regular title full time as there’s just no need for the round system. This made for a fine match with a good story and that’s all you could want out of this. It’s a TV Title and that’s all it should be.

Stills on the Barbed Wire Massacre mess from last week.

We look at the still awesome XXX vs. AMW cage match from Turning Point 2004. That cage walk is still pretty easily the greatest spot in the company’s history and it’s never been approached since. To be fair though, how can you follow that?

We recap the Knockouts Title match. Laurel Van Ness won the title a few weeks back but Gail Kim (take a shot) wanted Allie to win. Allie started talking about wanting the shot so here we go, with Allie being a lot more serious.

Knockouts Title: Laurel Van Ness vs. Allie

Allie is challenging and Laurel leaves the belt on the steps, which is quite the Chekov’s Gun. They lock up and fight to the floor without breaking the lock until Allie takes her back inside for some clotheslines. That’s enough inside as they go to the floor again with Allie being sent into the apron as we take a break.

Back with Laurel in control inside, sending Allie into three straight buckles. A running flip neckbreaker gets two and the counts are getting on the champ’s nerves. Laurel’s chinlock doesn’t do much so it’s a clothesline instead, allowing Josh to plug his podcast. Allie avoids a charge and suplexes Van Ness into the corner for two. A Codebreaker gets the same and a superkick is even closer with Laurel having to put her foot on the ropes. The ref is bumped and a quick belt shot lets Laurel retain the title at 14:03.

Rating: D+. Well that ending was terrible. I know they set it up at the beginning but it felt like the cheapest ending they could come up with as a way to keep things going. Why do I have a feeling that it means we’ll be seeing Gail give Allie another pep talk to really get her ready? It might make Gail look more important and you know that’s what this promotion is all about.

We recap American Top Team vs. Moose, in case you haven’t gotten this story yet. The MMA guys are here to prove that wrestling is fake and they’ve already gotten rid of James Storm. Moose is ready to try his luck again.

Moose vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley has Dan Lambert and KM in his corner. After some early stalling, Lashley sends him into the corner and stomps away as the announcers talk about various other places you can watch Impact. So yeah, go there and watch that now because this show doesn’t matter. Moose’s comeback doesn’t get him anywhere and it’s a snap suplex for two. Some shoulders in the corner don’t get Lashley anywhere as Moose scores with a spinning middle rope crossbody. KM offers a distraction though and Lashley clotheslines him down as we take a break.

Back with Lashley stomping on the arm and seemingly unsure which hold to try. Instead he throws Moose outside to ram him into various things, only to start in on the other arm. Moose dropkicks him off the top and out to the floor but Lashley calmly whips him into the steps as the dominance continues. KM pulls out a completely unnecessary table and Lashley isn’t happy, allowing Moose to crush him in the corner.

The middle rope chokebomb gets two but Lashley is right back with a running hurricanrana. Well of course he is. Seriously that’s not normal. The spear gets two with Moose throwing a boot on the ropes and Lashley is stunned. KM gets on the apron for no logical reason (how typical of him), allowing Moose to ram them together and hit the discus lariat for two. The Game Changer gives Moose the pin at 16:43, making that previous kickout rather dumb.

Rating: C+. It’s nice to see Moose get the pin, even if this should have been months ago at Bound For Glory. I’m sure this story will keep going because this company has never understood how or when to stop an angle but hopefully we move past this already. It’s not like it has much of a shelf life and we’ve proven that many times over now.

Post match Moose FINALLY lays Lambert out and Lashley does the same to KM. Lashley spears Lambert through a table and they both beat up the MMA guy who is all bandaged up. Did we really just spend all those months setting up a Lashley face turn? That was their big goal?

The announcers recap the show so far.

X-Division Title: Taiji Ishimori vs. Andrew Everett

This is from Pro Wrestling Noah with Everett challenging. Joined in progress with Ishimori hitting some running knees to the chest in the corner. Everett comes back with an enziguri and a Lionsault for two but a shooting star gets two. Back up and one heck of a clothesline takes Everett down for two more and a suplex into a gutbuster gets the same. The 450 retains the title at 4:38 shown.

Rating: C-. The time was a problem here as there’s only so much you can do with so little time. Then again, it’s hard to say how good the match was with all the time it was given. Ishimori is a good champion, but he needs more than just under five minutes shown to have much of an impact. Well that and a more interesting opponent.

Impact Wrestling World Title: Eli Drake vs. Alberto El Patron vs. Johnny Impact

Drake is defending inside a cage with pinfall, submission or escape to win. If Drake retains, neither ever gets a title shot at Drake again. Johnny gets stomped down in the corner to start as we have our first soon to be broken alliance. A double ram into the cage drops Johnny and the villains are already slugging it out. Neither can get over the top so Impact is back up for the save.

Drake gets catapulted into the cage and the flip neckbreaker gives Johnny two. Alberto, wrestling in a shirt for some reason, pulls Johnny off the cage and sends Drake into the steel. Impact is tied up in the Tree of Woe with Alberto missing the double stomp off the cage (likely to avoid a bad case of death), only to have Drake drop Johnny with that backwards Big Ending of his. Everyone is down and we take a break after a pretty good start.

Back with Drake low blowing both of them and sending them into the cage. Johnny of course walks the cage wall and sends Drake into the cage for the coolest spot of the match, which gets no reaction. Alberto is back up with a kick to Johnny’s ribs before whipping Drake into the cage over and over. A DDT gets two on the champ and Alberto knocks Johnny into the Tree of Woe.

This time the stomp works but Johnny is still able to break up the armbreaker on Drake. Everyone goes up in the same corner but Johnny knocks them down and hits a double high crossbody…..to no reaction. I even rewound it in hopes that I had just missed it but the sound just isn’t there and that’s very sad. That’s a big time move and the fans just did not care. Like at all.

The Gravy Train gets two on Johnny so Drake climbs with Impact right behind him. Johnny drops down to catch Alberto but an enziguri cuts him off. Alberto tries to go out the door but Chris Adonis slams it on his head. Johnny JUMPS up and sprints over the top of the cage, somehow beating Drake down, only to have Adonis catch him in the air. The delay allows Drake to drop down and retain at 18:05.

Rating: B-. And they’re DONE. I’m tired of this three way feud and it’s long past time to have some fresh talent challenging for the title. Drake looks good and gets his big win (even one in front of the actual Impact fans) but this story wasn’t interesting going into Bound For Glory and waiting several months didn’t make things even better. The blowoff match was solid enough but the story didn’t do anything for me.

Overall Rating: C+. Well that certainly was a big time show. I’m not sure what else to say about it but it is certainly a big time show. The matches had been built up for a while now but they haven’t been done all that well. The Grand Championship match was the best told story and felt like closure, but everything else felt like it was just there or existed to set up something else in the future. It’s fine enough, but I really need more than a week to get excited for a big show.

Results

Matt Sydal b. Ethan Carter III – Shooting star press

Laurel Van Ness b. Allie – Title to the face

Moose b. Lashley – Game Changer

Taiji Isimori b. Andrew Everett – 450 splash

Eli Drake b. Alberto El Patron and Johnny Impact – Drake escaped the cage

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 14, 2017
Location: Aberdeen Pavilion, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

Impact actually has some wrestling competition tonight as WWE is presenting its annual Tribute to the Troops. This week’s big match is for the vacant Knockouts Title as Rosemary vs. Laurel Van Ness wraps up the mini tournament. Other than that we’re likely to get more build between Alberto El Patron, Johnny Impact and Eli Drake for the World Title. Let’s get to it.

Laurel and Rosemary arrive.

Recap of Gail Kim vacating the title and the tournament being set up. Again: it was two triple threat matches and a singles match. It’s not exactly some game changer.

Opening sequence.

Sienna vs. KC Spinelli vs. Madison Rayne vs. Allie

#1 contenders match and one fall to a finish. Allie gets triple teamed in the corner to start but Spinelli and Rayne quickly turn on Sienna. A northern lights suplex gives Spinelli two and Madison does the same move for the same result. Spinelli is back with a spinout Rock Bottom but Allie is back in to take both of them down at once. A hair takedown drops Allie though and it’s Sienna coming back in with a big boot to KC.

Sienna tosses Spinelli with a fall away slam for two as Allie makes the save. Back from a break with Sienna faceplanting Madison and throwing Allie down as well. Spinelli and Sienna hit a double clothesline and everyone is down. It’s Allie up first and cleaning house, including a Codebreaker for two on Sienna. Spinelli is loaded up into the AK47 but Allie rolls Sienna up for the pin at 12:39.

Rating: C-. Not much to this one but they got the finish right, especially if we’re heading for Laurel winning the title. Allie is still the most popular name in the division (or second most at worst) and giving her a push towards the title would make sense. That being said, it feels like it’s just being kept warm while we wait on Taya’s visa issues to be resolved, which makes some sense.

Trevor Lee/Caleb Konley vs. Dezmond Xavier/Taiji Ishimori

Lee and Ishimori start things off as we hear about expansion into Italy. Maybe we can see some Italian wrestlers that mean nothing around here for a change. Xavier comes in and uppercuts Lee a few times before dropkicking him in the back of the head. Lee sends Dezmond outside and scores with a running kick to the face as we take a break. Back with Xavier still in trouble as Konley sends him hard into the corner. Lee comes back in for a chinlock and a hard clothesline.

Somehow, during an X-Division match, the commentary manages to bring the discussion back to Gail Kim. We saw her during the opening and we discussed her during the Knockouts match and now we’re hearing about her too. Well of course we are. The hot tag brings in Ishimori to thankfully speed things up a bit, only to have Lee grab a German suplex for two. Everything breaks down and Dezmond gets caught in the Tree of Woe. For some reason they try a spike piledriver in the same corner though, allowing Xavier to make the save. Ishimori rolls Lee up for the pin at 12:49.

Rating: C. This division is so dull and so much of that is due to the villains. You can only do the “I’m the champion and you want the title” story for so long and they passed that point a LONG time ago. Completely average match here as we keep waiting for Ishimori to hopefully save us from the drek that is Lee’s X-Division Title reign.

We recap Dan Lambert pinning James Storm last week.

Alberto El Patron, Petey Williams and Johnny Impact aren’t happy with having to team together tonight. El Patron and Johnny talk a bunch of trash while Petey just stands around like someone who doesn’t belong here. Well you can’t fault him for his way of thinking.

We see the last five minutes of the Knockouts Gauntlet Match to crown the first ever Knockouts Champion at Bound For Glory 2007. The winner of course: Gail Kim.

Chris Adonis and Eli Drake seem to have found their partner for the six man tag in the form of Jimmy Jacobs.

Alberto El Patron/Johnny Impact/Petey Williams vs. Eli Drake/Chris Adonis/Kongo Kong

Or not actually as Jacobs comes out to say he’s a good guy. He’s here to help, which is why he’s found Adonis and Drake a partner. Quick question: has Impact ever explained who Jacobs is or why he’s here? Or are we just supposed to have a working knowledge of who has left WWE over the last few months?

Alberto hammers on Adonis to start but gets shoved into a tag to Impact. That goes nowhere so Petey chases Adonis into the corner….and earns a shot against Kong. A rolling backsplash crushes Williams and it’s back to Adonis to stomp in the corner. The slow beatdown continues and we’re just lucky enough to see more Kong. Drake comes in after a splash and drops an elbow for good measure.

Adonis almost hits Kong by mistake and the apology allows the hot tag off to Johnny. There’s a Flying Chuck for two on Drake but Alberto comes in to break up some attempted cheating. That’s enough being nice though as Alberto hits a Backstabber on Johnny. Petey gets caught in a double flapjack but Kong misses his top rope splash.

Johnny dives onto Drake but Petey’s slingshot hurricanrana is countered with a powerbomb into the crowd. Kong and Petey head to the back, leaving Johnny to deck Alberto. There’s Starship Pain but Alberto DDTs Johnny on the ramp. A frog splash to Drake is good for the pin at 8:32.

Rating: B-. Alberto logic made sense and it’s fine to have the champ get pinned in a tag match, but you really could have done almost the same match without Kong and Williams. This got a lot better at the end and once we got to the storyline stuff, but even the worst part of it wasn’t that bad. Just don’t let Alberto talk.

The Legion of Doom was in TNA for a cup of coffee back in the early days.

Alberto gets a title shot on the January 4 show.

The Park Family is proud of how well business is going but Chandler wants to be a wrestler. Joseph isn’t sure.

Video on the Grand Championship match, which will now be a three way involving champion Ethan Carter III, Fallah Bahh and Matt Sydal. That also takes place on January 4.

Also on January 4, Taiji Ishimori vs. Trevor Lee for the X-Division Title.

The next two weeks will be Best of 2017 specials.

Here are Moose and Storm to talk about American Top Team. After explaining to Storm that he doesn’t mean AT&T, Moose talks about having Lashley beaten multiple times but having the MMA guys jump in time after time. Maybe Lashley just can’t beat him. Cue Lambert and Lashley with the latter saying he can beat either of them at any time. Storm gets in Lambert’s face, saying he respects Dan but they have a problem.

All Storm wants is to face Lambert one on one. Dan goes into his usual wrestling sucks speech and eventually calls Storm the face of the company. Here’s the deal: if they fight each other, Storm’s career is on the line. Storm agrees, but if he wins, the MMA guys are all gone. Lashley and Moose start fighting and here’s KM, who is quickly cut off by a Last Call.

Storm vs. Lambert is set for the January 4 show.

Knockouts Title: Rosemary vs. Laurel Van Ness

The title is vacant coming in. Van Ness is sent outside and we take a break less than a minute in. Back (after a good while) with Rosemary hammering away in the corner and Cactus Clotheslining her outside. Laurel is up first and kicks Rosemary face first onto the ramp. That’s only good for two back inside and it’s time to shove each other a lot. Rosemary is up first and grabs her leaning back choke over the ropes.

They fall outside again with an exploder suplex dropping Laurel on the floor. Back in and Rosemary spears her down but has to escape an Unprettier. The Red Wedding doesn’t work either and Rosemary misses the mist. The delay allows Laurel to hit the Unprettier off the top for the pin and the title at 14:04.

Rating: C+. I’m a bit surprised by the ending but at least we have Laurel vs. Allie to look forward to. The match wasn’t bad but treating this like some kind of huge tournament win and a passing of the torch from Kim (who was mentioned almost as much as either finalist leading up to the match) is quite the stretch.

We go to a meeting between Konnan and Sami Callihan. They argue over who is in charge of this company and a match is made with titles vs. careers. Konnan agrees and says after LAX is done with OVE, they’ll be like O’Reilly and Spacey. Callihan throws a fireball at Konnan’s face to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Pretty solid show here as they’re setting up something big for the January 4 show. That being said, I might have liked the show more because it means I get two weeks off from watching the show for the most part. If nothing else this show needs a breather and hopefully they have something a little more interesting when they get to the next taping cycle. This show worked better because it was mainly wrestling and didn’t feature much of Impact’s very sub par writing. Do that more often and the show gets better, though I don’t trust them to pull it off.

Results

Allie b. KC Spinelli, Madison Rayne and Sienna – Rollup to Sienna

Taiji Ishimori/Dezmond Xavier b. Caleb Konley/Trevor Lee – Rollup to Lee

Alberto El Patron/Johnny Impact/Petey Williams b. Eli Drake/Chris Adonis/Kongo Kong – Frog splash to Drake

Laurel Van Ness b. Rosemary – Super Unprettier

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 23, 2017
Location: Aberdeen Pavilion, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

We’re getting into the swing of these Canadian tapings but there’s a good chance this show isn’t going to mean much for the most part due to the holiday. The big story tonight is the return of Johnny Impact and Alberto El Patron after one full week away. It’s hard to say what they’ll do, though I’d put my money on brawling. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Tonight, the Turkey Bowl is back. There’s a match between a bunch of people and the loser gets put in a turkey suit.

The Turkey Bowl is so cool that we need to go back to the 2008 version!

Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Rhyno vs. Alex Shelley

Bashir is X-Division Champion and helps Shelley for a double team on Rhyno. That goes nowhere as Rhyno easily slugs both of them away and scores with a belly to belly for two on Bashir. Clipped to Rhyno getting double teamed again but the others keep getting in an argument over scoring the pin (and a $25,000 prize). Bashir rolls Shelley up for two but gets caught in a super atomic drop. Rhyno uses the distraction to Gore Shelley for the pin at 2:48 shown.

Post match, Mick Foley tells Shelley he has to put the suit on but Shelley doesn’t want to. See, the women won’t be happy and that would hurt the ratings. That’s cool with Foley, but Shelley is fired if he doesn’t do it. Shelley finally puts it on and Foley makes gibblet jokes. Foley: “Is that a gizzard in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” The suit goes on and more jokes are made. If this is the case, I can go with it more than holding a regular show on Thanksgiving.

Robert Irvine has prepared a Thanksgiving dinner and I think you know where this is going later in the night.

We hear some Thanksgiving memories from wrestlers.

Eli Drake and Chris Adonis interrupt the Thanksgiving festivities and tells a story about his daddy’s mashed potatoes, which is one of the things his family does best (along with beating people up of course). The Turkey Bowl is now Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot and we’ll be drawing some random names for the five on five match. One team will be captained by Eddie Edwards.

Eddie is excited and says this is a big check off his wrestling bucket list.

The other captain is El Hijo Del Fantasma, who says Thanksgiving doesn’t mean anything in Mexico. It sounds like a party though and every party needs chocolate.

Video on the upcoming Knockouts Title tournament. It ticks Sienna off, making me think that Sienna has some intelligence to her.

Wrestlers list their favorite Thanksgiving foods.

Preview for next week’s show, including Johnny Impact vs. Alberto El Patron.

From 2011.

Robbie E. vs. Eric Young

Joined in progress with Robbie beating up the turkey suit before dropping a middle rope elbow for two. We’re clipped to Young hitting a piledriver for the pin at 1:12 shown.

Post match, Robbie is still out so he can’t put on the suit. Therefore, Young says Robbie’s buddy Robbie T. can put it on instead. The referee says that if T. doesn’t, E. loses the TV Title (yes they had the TV Champion lose a match like this) so the suit goes on.

Allie joins Team Edwards and is really excited to get to wear the suit…until she finds out she has to lose first. She isn’t interested.

Caleb Konley joins Team Fantasma and Trevor Lee isn’t too happy with it.

Richard Justice is on Eddie’s team but he’s worried he can’t fit in the suit.

Various wrestlers are thankful for various things.

KM is on Fantasma’s team but doesn’t care about anything other than impressing American Top Team.

Laurel Van Ness is also on Team Edwards (despite being a villain) and makes turkey noises.

Wrestlers talk about Thanksgiving memories.

From 2016.

Robbie E. vs. Grado

I think we’re in comedy match territory. They trade fists to start but it’s a fist pound instead. That leads to back to back nipple twists before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Both guys try rollups with feet on the ropes but enforcer Aiden O’Shea cuts them off. Grado tries a sunset flip but Robbie sits on him for the pin at 2:49.

O’Shea makes Grado put the suit on but he starts to get into it. Dancing ensues.

Fallah Bahh is in the match as well. I’m assuming on Team Fantasma if they’re still alternating picks. Bahh can only say his last name and gobble gobble.

Garza Jr. is in as well and says everyone in the tournament (What tournament?) is underestimating him due to his injury.

The final entrant, and announced as a team captain, is Chris Adonis. Wait so was it five in a row or alternating? Why would they not just say that the first and last names pulled out are captains? My goodness how can they manage to screw up PULLING NAMES OUT OF A HAT??? Would a graphic have been too much to ask for?

Adonis rallies his team as we’re just forgetting the whole “Fantasma is captain” thing.

Team Edwards is ready.

Team Edwards vs. Team Adonis

Eddie Edwards, Garza Jr., Allie, Fallah Bahh, Richard Justice

Chris Adonis, Caleb Konley, Laurel Van Ness, KM, El Hijo Del Fantasma

The loser of the fall wears a turkey suit and there’s food at ringside, along with Eli Drake. We’re not ready yet though as the teams sit down at the food tables as Drake insists that everyone has to put on the suit if they lose. He has a statement for JB to read, which pretty much just says everyone play nice.

Justice sticks his finger in Konley’s mouth to start and gets two off a rollup. Laurel comes in and jumps on Justice’s back so it’s off to the women for a change. KM and Bahh are up next with some shots to Bahh’s head taking us to a break. Back with Bahh crossbodying KM and bringing in Garza….WHO TAKES OFF HIS PANTS! I’m rather thankful.

Garza gets punched down though and it’s time for the heel beatdown. Adonis comes in for two off a legdrop and it’s time for a bearhug (on a guy with a bad shoulder). That goes nowhere and the hot tag brings in Eddie to clean house. Everything breaks down in a hurry and KM gets crushed between Justice and Bahh.

We get the big crash to the floor and Justice falls off the apron, only to be caught without much effort. Allie dives onto everyone to break up the pile and everyone is down. Back in and Adonis can’t grab the Adonis Lock, allowing Eddie to roll him up for the pin at 16:04, meaning Adonis gets to wear the suit.

Rating: C-. Oh what were you expecting here? This was all in good fun and nothing more than a comedy match. The match was just there for the sake of having a one off match for a holiday special and as a result, it’s really hard to be harsh on it. Adonis having to wear the suit is fine and it continues a (rather goofy) tradition. It wasn’t anything good, but it’s perfectly harmless.

Post break, Adonis refuses to wear the suit. Security actually stops him as the referee holds up the suit like an executioner’s ax. After a lot of persuading and a GOBBLE GOBBLE (One of us?) chant, Adonis finally puts it on and walks around a bit. Adonis isn’t cool with the chants though and the required food fight, with Adonis hitting Drake in the face with a pie, ends the show. This was actually entertaining as they just went with the simple comedy and it worked perfectly well.

Overall Rating: C. Just like the main event, this was nothing you needed to see but it’s completely harmless fun. I’m rather glad they didn’t waste a regular show on a night where even fewer people than usual would be watching. Just let the show be a lighter edition for a change and get back to the regular stuff next week. This was an easy show to sit through and that’s all it should have been. If you ignore the more complicated than necessary name drawing system (Just throw up a graphic so we know who is on which side. Or drop the captains entirely as they didn’t mean anything.), this was a fun little show and that’s a good sign.

Results

Team Edwards b. Team Adonis – Rollup to Adonis

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: October 12, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

We’re less than a month away from Bound For Glory and some of the card is starting to come together. You can pretty much guess a lot of the things they’re going to do, though one question is will Moose manage to do something dumber than walk into an MMA gym alone and pick a fight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Eli Drake and Chris Adonis attacking Johnny Impact, only to have Garza Jr. interrupt. This sets up Impact vs. Garza for the Bound For Glory title shot.

Garza says he’ll win. No dude, you won’t.

Opening sequence.

We look at Eddie Edwards winning the GHC Title and Garza trying to win the title. As usual, GFW is really, really overestimating how interesting these other companies are.

Eli Drake is defending the title in Japan this week.

Here’s LAX with something to say. They want their title match right now and don’t care what rules they have to abide by. This brings out OVE to say bring it, even if it’s a 5150 street fight. The champs don’t care but Diamante says it’s all of LAX vs. OVE at the same time. The match, and the brawl, is on with the champs getting beaten down, including Dave being sent through a table at ringside.

We look at a press conference announcing GFW wrestlers going over to Tokyo to invade Pro Wrestling Noah. Is it really an invasion if you announce a working relationship and hold a press conference announcing the matches? More on this later, because we’re just that lucky.

Video on American Top Team, including them attacking various GFW employees and Moose going to their gym and getting beaten down. This is a compilation of clips and packages we’ve seen before.

Another video on Garza Jr. By the way it’s 8:31 and we haven’t had a match yet. I’m not sure if that’s a complaint or not.

Rosemary vs. Hannah Harper

Red Wedding ends Harper in 59 seconds. Nearly half of that was them staring at each other.

Post match Rosemary calls out Taya Valkyrie for a dance with the demon. Taya comes out and mists Rosemary for a change of pace, followed by the Road to Valhalla.

We look at Moose getting beaten down at the American Top Team facility.

Moose is going back to the facility, but this time he has backup.

Here’s Taryn Terrell to tell us all to shut up. She’s got a Knockouts Title shot at Bound For Glory but now she wants to focus on Gail Kim. Taryn talks about Gail’s husband Robert Irvine and says after she’s done, they’ll be heading appearing on Divorce Court. Gail comes out and says she won’t be attacking Taryn, only to slap her anyway.

Alberto El Patron is back at Bound For Glory. DANG IT MAN JUST GO AWAY ALREADY!!!

Sienna is ready for a mixed tag tonight and can’t wait to beat up Allie. One of her partners, Texano, says AAA is awesome. The other partner, Caleb Konley, says North Carolina is awesome.

Grado is very tired and says no more. Joseph Park comes up in an expensive car with a bunch of good looking women. They’re just interns, though one of them calls Grado the meal ticket. Grado isn’t happy as Park leaves with the ladies.

Wrestlers talk about the importance of Bound For Glory. This is probably the fifth promo for the show in the first hour to go with the 53 seconds of in-ring action.

We’re an hour into this show and it’s been little more than a recap show so far. 53 seconds of wrestling and an announcement of a tag match for the pay per view. Wrestling Challenge was run better than this.

Sienna/Caleb Konley/Texano vs. Allie/Dezmond Xavier/James Storm

We finally break a whole minute of wrestling an hour and nine minutes into the show. Sienna stomps Allie in the corner to start but gets taken down with a clothesline. It’s off to Texano vs. Storm but Konley comes in instead. Some villainous cheating has Storm in trouble but Storm is quickly out of a chinlock. A leg lariat gives Texano two and Sienna stomps away as well.

Texano gets dropped again and the diving tag brings in Xavier. Kicks abound and a standing corkscrew moonsault gets two with Sienna making the save. Everything breaks down and it’s a Codebreaker from Allie into a Backstabber from Storm. Konley comes back in with a swinging slap, only to have Xavier hit a 619 around the post. Lee breaks up something off the top but it’s the Last Call to end Konley at 6:38.

Rating: D+. Normally I’m a fan of throwing a bunch of feuds into one match but what happens when the feuds aren’t interesting in the slightest? This was more evidence that Bound For Glory isn’t an interesting show as the TV building it up isn’t compelling in the slightest. There’s no reason for AAA and GFW to be feuding and Xavier feels like he hasn’t been around in weeks. I’m sure he’ll be in the X Title match at the pay per view because that’s what they do with that title most of the time. More uninspired booking here, which is becoming a trend.

Here’s a slightly different package on the wrestlers in Japan. Some of the quotes and clips are the same.

Yet ANOTHER video on Garza Jr., this time of him in Japan.

This week’s Global Forged as this show is allergic to wrestling. This one focuses on Jon Bolen, the head trainer.

LAX is ready for the street fight.

Moose went to the American Top Team facility again (we’ve seen the clip of him on the phone at least five times now), though this time he has backup. Fellow MMA fighter Stephan Bonnar (not named until after the segment is over) is there this time though and they have pipes. They walk in and that’s all for now.

Garza Jr. vs. Johnny Impact

The winner faces Eli Drake at Bound For Glory. Feeling out process to start until Impact takes him down with a headlock. Garza sends him outside for a suicide dive as the announcers promise more American Top Team stuff later tonight. Johnny is back up with a flipping elbow off the steps and we take a break. Back with Garza forearming Impact in the corner but LET’S TAKE OFF THOSE PANTS!

Some kicks to the face have Johnny in trouble and they slug it out, followed by a crossbody to put both guys down. Back up and Johnny kicks him down for two more but he has to bail out of Starship Pain. A second attempt completely misses and Garza gets two off a standing moonsault. Garza’s missile dropkick gets another near fall but a pinfall reversal sequence goes to Impact for the pin at 13:50.

Rating: C+. I don’t know how else to say it but no one cares about Garza. He’s just a guy who was in the lucha tag team and then he’s randomly in the #1 contenders match. A bunch of packages on him for one night isn’t enough to make me care about him in this spot, especially when they weren’t hiding the fact that Impact was winning.

Post match Cornette comes in to interview Impact but Adonis comes in and breaks a board over his head.

And now, back to the real story with American Top Team and UFC LEGEND (yes UFC LEGEND I say, along with JB who says it multiple times) Stephan Bonnar. Everyone is gone (it’s the middle of the night) so they just break stuff with the pipes instead and Moose steals some MMA belts. They also wreck the merchandise area. This is the way they’re hyping up the biggest show of the year people. It’s the best idea they have. Moose leaves a note with the receptionist (who didn’t say a word while in the same room where all this was happening) to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This is only above a failure because the main event wasn’t bad. I just sat through two hours of Bound For Glory ads, the same clip of Moose on the phone saying he needed help, videos that didn’t make me interested in Garza Jr. and GFW in Japan. If you take out the commercial from the main event, there was less than twenty minutes of action on the show and less than two minutes out of the first seventy were spent on wrestling.

I know they’re strapped with all the taping marathons and such but with this many wrestlers running around, there’s really no excuse to have almost no one to put on the shows. Come up with something better than a squash, a six person tag and a really obvious main event. With as many people as they have, including all the talent they bring in, there’s not much of an excuse for this. This show wasn’t so much bad as it was unacceptable, which is much worse.

Results

Rosemary b. Hannah Harper – Red Wedding

James Storm/Dezmond Xavier/Allie b. Sienna/Caleb Konley/Texano – Last Call to Konley

Johnny Impact b. Garza Jr. – Rollup

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Impact Wrestling
Date: September 7, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

As the company tries to go a week without some kind of controversy, here we are with more continuing adventures of a bunch of MMA fighters. That’s the top story at the moment as American Top Team and Bobby Lashley continue to dominate the show, which seems to be setting up a big deal at Bound For Glory. In actual wrestling news, tonight Eli Drake defends the World Title against Matt Sydal. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Caleb Konley/Trevor Lee vs. Sonjay Dutt/Petey Williams

Dutt armbars Konley to start before it’s off to Petey to speed things up. As assisted Sliced Bread #2 gets two on Konley as everything breaks down early on. The villains are put in the Tree of Woe with Petey standing on both of them and singing O Canada. Petey gets caught in the wrong corner for some double teaming, only to slip away for the hot tag to Dutt a few seconds later.

The tornado DDT gets two on Konley and everything breaks down again. Another tornado DDT (this time with Petey being used as a launching pad) puts Konley down again (bad night for his head) and there’s the Canadian Destroyer. Dutt’s top rope splash puts him away at 7:24.

Rating: C+. Just four guys doing moves to each other but at least it was energetic. The division really isn’t the best in the world right now and having someone like Williams, who was a star nearly fifteen years ago, isn’t the best course of action. Granted the whole thing has been a mess for years now so this is hardly anything new. Nice opener though.

LAX vs. John Bolin/Zachary Wentz

Non-title. The jobbers get stomped down in the corner as OVE is watching from the back. Bolin gets caught in a hanging Stunner/bicycle kick combination, only to have Wentz thrown onto him. The Street Sweeper ends Zachary at 1:37. Total squash.

Post match OVE comes out to challenge for the titles but Konnan says they’ll do it in the Crash. That’s cool with the brothers.

Taryn Terrell/Sienna vs. Gail Kim/Allie

Gail goes after Taryn to start but settles for some clotheslines on Sienna. A flapjack cuts Gail off though and it’s Taryn coming in for a few cheap shots before handing it right back to Sienna. Taryn’s running flip neckbreaker keeps Gail in trouble but she hurricanranas Sienna down and brings in Allie to clean house. Sliced Bread #2 gets two on Sienna as Braxton Sutter and KM brawl to the back. Allie goes up for a high crossbody but Sienna rolls through and grabs the tights for the pin at 4:24.

Rating: D+. I feel so sorry for Sienna. She’s done what she can but as always, the division belongs to Gail and whomever she’s feuding with because this company is obsessed with pushing her through the roof. Even Roman Reigns probably thinks the push is a bit too much. Hopefully they don’t give her the title as a retirement present as she never needs to be near the thing again.

Post match Allie gets beaten down until Rosemary comes out for the save. Cue the debuting Taya Valkyrie for quite the impressive entrance. Taya gets in Sienna’s face but knocks Rosemary down instead, setting up a double chickenwing faceplant. You can probably book the six Knockouts tag already.

Eli Drake is ready for Matt Sydal.

Here’s Jim Cornette for a chat. Jim praises some of the talent including Johnny Impact before hyping up the main event. Cornette would put his money on Sydal but here’s Impact to interrupt. Impact gets straight to the point: he wants the winner of tonight’s match. This brings out LAX with Low Ki leading the way.

Cornette doesn’t think five against one is a good thing but Konnan gets in Johnny’s face to say Impact’s opinion doesn’t mean anything. What’s up with Konnan overlooking Low Ki for a title shot? Cornette says it has nothing to do with them being Latino and Low Ki is in line just like everyone else. The brawl is on with Johnny holding his own until security breaks it up.

Post break Cornette makes Impact vs. Low Ki for the #1 contendership.

Joseph Park tells Grado that there’s a big problem with Laurel Van Ness being Canadian. Grado hugs Laurel but the wedding is off. He tells her not to cry but Laurel seems to snap again, despite Grado’s high five.

Video on GFW’s involvement in TripleMania. There’s a focus on Lashley and Moose appearing in a battle royal. It was actually a team battle royal and their partner, Jeff Jarrett, isn’t mentioned at all. Moose eliminated Bobby and tensions ran high.

Video on Johnny Impact being so dominant in AAA, where he’s a triple champion. Impact successfully defended his titles in a three way ladder match and says his gold means more than Drake’s.

Video on the Sexy Star/Rosemary incident from TripleMania as we hit twenty minutes of packages on the show. Sexy Star was never mentioned.

Video on how important the talent relationship between the companies is.

Next week it’s OVE vs. LAX for the titles from Tijuana.

Video on Dezmond Xavier, who credits his military training with getting him into wrestling.

Pagano is coming.

Eddie Edwards is the first American to win the GHC (Pro Wrestling Noah from Japan) Title.

Video on Garza Jr.

Richard Justice is still exercising after being hurt last week.

Matt Sydal is ready to win the title in what is his official cash-in for beating Lashley.

GFW World Title: Eli Drake vs. Matt Sydal

Drake is defending and shoves him around to start but Sydal doesn’t seem too shaken. Some kicks to the leg set up la majistral for two on Drake as we talk about TripleMania some more. The champ hammers away to take over again as this isn’t exactly thrilling so far. A pop up Big Ending (with Sydal flipping backwards to land on his back instead of his stomach) gets two and we take a break.

Back with Drake elbowing him in the chest and hitting a powerslam. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Drake’s jumping neckbreaker gets two more. Drake gets posted though and Sydal scores with some chops for a breather. Eli stomps him right back down and grabs a DDT for two.

A kneedrop only hits mat though and Sydal hits a backdrop to put both guys down. Matt’s standing moonsault gets two and an ELI SUCKS chant starts up. The top rope double knees put Drake down for two so Adonis throws in the title. Sydal gets in a jumping knee to the face for another near fall. The shooting star is loaded up but Adonis offers a distraction, setting up a belt shot to the head. Drake adds the Gravy Train to retain the title at 19:28.

Rating: C-. The ending was better but it wasn’t the most thrilling match in the world. Drake getting a title defense under his belt helps though and this felt like a big enough deal. Adonis is fine in his role too and works as some extra muscle. Also, it’s nice to have the main event finish without the MMA guys coming in to take all the attention.

Overall Rating: C. This show was rolling along until it hit the wall that was the TripleMania stuff. That was literally over twenty minutes of just talking about a show where the GFW talents were supporting players, save for Impact. If you cut that WAY down and focus on other stuff that actually deserves some attention (assuming the promotion actually has that), this is a much better show. The fast paced first forty five minutes are good but outside of that, the show fell apart.

Results

Sonjay Dutt/Petey Williams b. Caleb Konley/Trevor Lee – Top rope splash to Konley

LAX b. John Bolin/Zachary Wentz – Street Sweeper to Wentz

Sienna/Taryn Terrell b. Allie/Gail Kim – Reversed crossbody with a handful of tights

Eli Drake b. Matt Sydal – Gravy Train

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Impact Wrestling
Date: March 30, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

So we’re still in Orlando….with a regular episode of Impact. One might think they might try to do something special with the wrestling world’s eyes on their hometown but last week’s show ended with Karen Jarrett returning, seemingly to start a feud with heel commentator Josh Matthews. That’s special, right? Let’s get to it.

We open with a board meeting where Dutch Mantel is handing out ideas while Matthews wants to be in on everything. Karen comes in and says she needs one of the bosses to send Sienna to the ring. So wait: does Karen have authority or not? Dutch flat out said he’s not an authority figure yet he seems to be running things, so I guess Bruce Prichard is in charge? Can I get a flow chart? Anyway, Bruce and Dutch call the meeting because Josh and JB keep arguing.

The opening recap looks at the end of last week’s show with Matthews getting in Karen’s face and getting slapped down.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Karen to open things up as the announcers are already bickering. She’s here to talk about Maria Kanellis leaving, especially how Sienna has used the departure to become a huge bully. Cue Sienna (Why did Karen need Dutch/Bruce to get her to the ring if she can just call Sienna out?), who asks if there’s a problem.

Karen has been here a short amount of time and hasn’t heard one nice thing about Sienna. She’s not going to tolerate any bullying from anyone but Sienna wants to know where Karen heard this. Sienna thinks it was Allie and doesn’t think much of Karen because she didn’t marry her way into the show.

Cue a big man who Pope knows but the fans greet with a WHO ARE YOU chant. Karen looks terrified as the guy introduces himself as KM (Kevin Matthews, though not mentioned here) and says he’s Sienna’s cousin. KM shouts about demanding respect and tells Karen to shut up. Braxton Sutter and Allie come out for the save and now Karen has a backbone again. Sutter vs. KM is set for later. This was FAR longer than it needed to be, especially when most of it was just so Karen could do her best Stephanie McMahon impression.

The X-Division wants to make Impact Wrestling great.

DJZ vs. Andrew Everett

Everett kicks him to the floor to start but it’s time for a flip off, allowing the announcers to talk about AJ Styles. An armdrag sends Everett to the floor for a big flip dive, followed by some kicks in the corner. Speaking of AJ, Everett gets in a quick Pele but his moonsault hits raised feet. The ZDT is loaded up but Everett small packages him for the pin at 4:26.

Rating: C-. Impact Wrestling could go through a million bosses and regime changes and the X-Division would still get about five minutes in a meaningless match with the announcers talking about the good old days and how important it is while ignoring most of what happens in the ring. Such is life in the X-Division of course and I don’t see it ever changes. Either do something with it or scrap the thing already because this is just lip service at best.

Post match Gregory Shane Helms comes out to say that Everett has earned an opportunity of some sort for next week.

Fury will be unleashed on April 13.

We look back at the horrible Rebel vs. ODB match from last week with Earl Hebner kissing both of them for reasons of unfunny comedy. After a break, ODB and Hebner seemed to go on a date. There is no way this can possibly end well.

Here’s Rosemary, who has somehow been Knockouts Champion for five months, is here for the Burial of the Knockouts Celebration. She talks about all the women’s she’s destroyed but ODB comes out to interrupt. ODB calls herself a four time “Knocked Up Champion” and wants a shot at the title. Rosemary says the Hive disagrees and goes to leave but here are Brandi Rhodes and five other women to chase her back to the ring. A huge brawl breaks out and that’s enough to take us to a break.

Ethan Carter III wants to make Impact great again.

Announcers, bickering, nothing of note.

Here’s Carter for a chat. He wants to apologize to Karen for what happened last week but he wasn’t happy with the man he was becoming. This place is changing and he needs to change with it. Carter was the man who beat everyone around here and it’s time for him to get back to that point. He needs to be the real EC3 and become an EC3 time World Champion.

Cue James Storm in regular clothes (and with no music for some reason). He didn’t hear his name mentioned in Carter’s list of former World Champions (maybe because he was listing multiple time World Champions). Storm wants to know where Carter was when Storm was on the first pay per view. Carter: “At my buddy’s house watching the pay per view.” We hear about AMW and Beer Money so Storm wants to know where Carter was back then. Carter: “I was probably drinking a lot of beer and making a lot of money.” Storm: “Ok that’s a really good answer!”

Both of them want to be the World Champion again and, since they’re allowed to do this, they decide that the fans will get to pick which of them will be the new #1 contender. I like the idea of these two wanting to be World Champion and I especially like the idea of Storm being out of the DCC even more. This sounds like a way to turn Carter heel again, which would probably be best all around.

Garza Jr. and Laredo Kid want to win the Tag Team Titles tonight.

Reno Scum want to show everyone that they’re the best.

We recap Cody vs. Moose for the Grand Championship. Cody wants the title but Moose was in Japan so tonight they can finally have the title match.

Grand Championship: Moose vs. Cody

Moose is defending but Cody comes out with his Nex-Gen Title again. Cody gets shouldered into the corner to start but a quick DDT drops Moose. That just earns Cody a powerbomb and a middle rope moonsault for two. A big chop hits the post though and Cody superkicks one of the judges by mistake, because this match didn’t have enough rules already and needed an angle. Cody can’t quite get a cover as the first round ends. Bruce Prichard comes out to replace the injured judge and it’s Moose winning round one.

Round two starts with Cody kicking the knee but missing a big kick to the head. Moose apron bombs him and grabs a chair, only to have Brandi get in his way. The distraction lets another leg shot set up the Figure Four but Moose hangs on to end the round. Cody wins the round to tie it up and round three starts with Brandi yelling at her husband and walking out.

They slug it out with Cody getting the better of it and the announcers bickering over Josh’s wife being a fair judge. I mean, she’s not a judge but she would be a fair one if she was. Moose peppers him with left hands but eats the Disaster Kick for no cover. They slug it out again and the round ends at 9:00 with neither having an advantage. Moose wins via split decision and Josh loses it.

Rating: C. This match showed my major problem with the entire concept: they had a nine minute match with a commercial and another break between the second and third rounds, yet at eight minutes in neither can stand up? You would think they should have a deeper gas tank than that. Nine minutes is a rather odd time limit, but then again so is a round system in general. Also, what was the point in the judge going down? I’m assuming Cody will claim conspiracy, because that’s the kind of original thinking that’s going to get this company to the top.

Video on Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards. Next week it’s a last man standing match.

Eli Drake wants to make Impact Wrestling great.

We look at Moose vs. Cody again.

Karen brings JB a message about a Knockouts gauntlet battle royal to crown a new #1 contender. I see absolutely no reason for Karen to have been out here for this scene.

KM vs. Braxton Sutter

The much bigger KM (billed at 6’8) drives Braxton into the corner to start but gets kicked in the face. KM dropkicks him down and we’re off to a quickly broken chinlock. Instead it’s a double clothesline to put both of them down, leaving the women to get into a chase on the floor. Sienna grabs Allie though and the distraction lets KM grab a powerbomb into a Backstabber for the pin at 3:37.

Rating: D+. The time hurt this and I’m glad it wasn’t a clean pin. Sutter hasn’t won a big match in months and I don’t know how much longer the strength of the wedding angle and his relationship with Allie can carry him. Giving KM a victory is a good idea and there’s nothing wrong with establishing new talent, but it might help to further establish your older talent first.

Post match the four of them get in a fight with the forces of good clearing the ring. Laurel Van Ness stumbles out, somehow looking creepier every single week. Sutter and Allie look terrified.

We go to the LAX clubhouse where Konnan talks to the team before the Tag Team Title match. Has anyone brought up that Konnan has brought in a team to fight against the team that works for his own company? Like, wouldn’t it mean more money if Garza and Laredo won? I guess loyalty goes before money? It would be nice to have it brought up at least.

Davey Richards wants to make Impact Wrestling better.

Fury is still coming.

Tag Team Titles: Garza Jr./Laredo Kid vs. LAX vs. Decay vs. Reno Scum

The titles are vacant coming in and this is one fall to a finish. Thornstone and Kid start things off with Scum taking over in a hurry. Ortiz tags himself in for some lucha, capped off with a backbreaker to drop the Kid. Everything breaks down in a hurry and Kid dives onto a huge pile of people, followed by Garza doing the same as we take a break.

Back with Garza getting two off a Lionsault but LAX makes the save. Abyss comes in and clotheslines Kid against the ropes but Scum tags themselves in for some corner clotheslines. Kid scores with a DDT so both members of LAX come in to clean house, including a top rope double stomp onto a hanging cutter to Steve. It means posing instead of covering though, leaving Rosemary and Diamante to get into a catfight. Ortiz loads Laredo up for a powerbomb with Santana coming off the top with a Blockbuster for the pin and the titles at 12:13.

Rating: B. I had more fun with this than I was expecting and LAX wining is the right call. We’ve had Decay as champions, Scum really isn’t interesting and the Crash guys are fine but nothing all that memorable. LAX is over and arguably better than any other team here so making them the new champions makes the most sense. Good action here too with a bunch of chaos, which is the best option given how little we know about the teams. Keep things moving and let the action be the draw.

Overall Rating: C+. This show accomplished one major thing above all others: it helped bolster almost everything on the show. We have people fighting to be #1 contender for the World and Knockouts Titles, the X-Division Title got a mention, the Grand Championship was defended and we have new Tag Team Champions. That’s quite the usage of two hours and it’s very nice to see them actually doing something with a lot of the roster instead of just doing the same stuff over and over.

Unfortunately, there’s a lot of bad stuff here to go right along with it. I know I asked this earlier, but who in the world is running this show? I know there are multiple names but various people seem to have authority at some point or another. The worst part is the show doesn’t even need an authority figure (just say the Impact Wrestling bosses have made a decision) but with three being introduced, you’re going to wonder who is running things.

One of the names who might have authority is Karen Jarrett and we saw WAY too much of her tonight. The far too long opening segment really didn’t need Karen as Sienna could have called out Allie to the same result. It really does come off like a Stephanie impression and that’s not a good idea, especially when Karen is supposed to be a face yet she was ready to fight Sienna, who should be able to kill her. So I guess she’s a hybrid between Stephanie and Shane?

On top of that, a lot of the wrestling really wasn’t that great. It was completely watchable but that’s not quite enough. When everyone is putting their best effort out for the biggest weekend of the wrestling year, you need to do something a little better than just a somewhat above average show. The main event is definitely the best thing about the show and it helped things quite a bit.

Overall the show had more good than bad but it needs a lot of work. Getting rid of multiple authority figures (and probably a title or two) would do some good and dropping the MAKE IMPACT GREAT vignettes would give them some more time for the matches. This was a good step in the right direction but since it’s Impact, I have no reason to believe it’s going to last.

Results

Andrew Everett b. DJZ – Small package

Moose b. Cody via split decision

KM b. Braxton Sutter – Powerbomb into a Backstabber

LAX b. Reno Scum, Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. and Decay – Sitout powerbomb/Blockbuster combo to Kid

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Impact Wrestling
Date: February 23, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

Time for a wedding! It’s one of the last nights of the TNA tapings and we’re getting a major angle in the form of Braxton Sutter being forced to marry Laurel Van Ness for reasons that still aren’t clear. Other than that we have Bobby Lashley defending the TNA World Title against newcomer Josh Barnett at some point in the near future. Let’s get to it.

In memory of George Steele, Ivan Koloff Nicole Bass and Chavo Guerrero Sr.

Matt Hardy is at House Hardy where he talks to George Washington (the giraffe), who is worried about Vanguard I’s drinking issues. The Seven Deities are going to teleport Matt somewhere for his transformation into the King of Gold. However, he might lose some of his abilities so therefore he has to transfer them into Jeff’s body. Jeff has a pre-mo-nition which tells him that Matt is going to Egypt. Vanguard I takes Matt away.

Wedding video.

Here are Cody and Brandi Rhodes for a chat. Cody doesn’t like the idea that his wife was dubbed Mini Moose (still a dumb name) last week so he’d like Moose out here right now. This brings out Moose and Cody gets straight to the point by asking if they’re going to sleep together soon. Brandi isn’t cool with that and asks if Cody is telling the truth. Cody says he was kidding but lays Moose out while shouting to Brandi that it’s a joke. Cross Rhodes leaves Moose laying.

Post break, Cody has no comment.

Eli Drake thinks Tyrus stepped way over the line and tonight he has to take a beating.

Tyrus never liked Drake.

Eli Drake vs. Tyrus

Before he gets in the ring, we get a little more Drake trash talk which is basically a way to plug the fact that Tyrus is a Fox News contributor. A single shoulder puts Drake on the floor so he offers Tyrus more money. Tyrus growls at him so Drake lays out the referee for the DQ at 2:35.

Post match Drake offers Tyrus a raise and they hug. In other words: “I hate you!” “I hate you too!” “Want more money?” “Yeah we’re cool.” Pope says this won’t happen when the new management takes over. The Anthem Owl told him so.

Maria and company are getting ready for the wedding but can’t find Allie.

Matt comes back from his quest and now has a regal robe. He’s learned what it’s going to take to make the Expedition of Gold a success. That means Skarrsgard is no longer a dilapidated boat but rather the Ark of Gold, where all the title belts will be stored.

Here’s Jade to say her rivalry with Rosemary (“Red vs. Blue”) is far from over. Jade wants to take the division back from the sick freak (Why does it feel like 80% of TNA storylines are about getting us back to what something is supposed to be? Sting had that feud roughly 485 times.) so here’s Rosemary, who I barely remember being champion.

Josh and Pope get in an argument during the entrance and Pope hints that changes are coming to the booth. Rosemary wants the Knockouts to decay so Jade talks about going through Monster’s Ball and coming out standing. We get a challenge for a Last Knockouts Standing match with Rosemary accepting. This felt really forced and Jade is far from a smooth talker.

Mike Bennett tries to give an annoyed Braxton Sutter a pep talk. Champagne is consumed and Bennett doesn’t seem thrilled with his own marriage. Sutter brings up Allie but Maria has that covered.

Bram vs. Jesse Godderz

They slug it out to start as Pope keeps hinting that Josh is going to be gone soon. Godderz plants him with a belly to back suplex and a Blockbuster to set up the Adonis Lock. Kingston gets on the apron for a distraction so Jesse catapults Bram into him, setting up the rollup for the pin on Bram at 3:57.

Rating: D. Good grief TNA. If you were just going to treat the DCC like a bunch of goofs, why did you bother putting them together in the first place? At this point the guys are the Job Squad as they can never win a match and there’s still not exactly a clear point to why they’re together in the first place. Nothing to see here.

Godderz cleans house and bails before he gets beaten down.

The Hardys teleport to the Mid-Atlantic territory where they say they wan the Tag Team Titles. A team called the Mid-Atlantic Outlaws say they’re the #1 contenders so a challenge is issued but another guy says this is their way to get out of this territory and on to a better life. Apparently this means anyone winning the Tag Team Titles so they’re all off to find the champions.

The Lady Squad is getting ready for the wedding when Allie finally shows up. They yell at her a bit and tell her to make sure the hotel room is ready. Allie leaves and runs into Braxton, who can’t explain why he’s doing this. If that’s not what he wants to do, then don’t do it.

Back to Mid-Atlantic where a locker room brawl breaks out and the Hardys get a title shot. Just like last week, it’s a clipped up match with the Hardys beating Mathis and Rage to become champions.

Josh Barnett hasn’t been impressed by Lashley and thinks he needs to show Lashley how to be a champion. I still have no idea why I’m supposed to be impressed by/care about Barnett but that’s never stopped TNA before.

Bad Bones vs. Josh Barnett

Bad Bones is a tough looking guy from Germany and Lashley is on commentary. Barnett takes him to the mat and tries a chinlock but let’s look at Lashley talking instead of the debuting #1 contender. A bunch of strikes have Bones in trouble but he gets in a spear through the ropes. Barnett suplexes him and gets in a nasty Jackknife followed by a keylock for the submission at 2:43. Lashley is impressed.

X-Division Title: DJZ vs. Trevor Lee

DJZ is getting his rema ch and has a bad ankle coming in. That doesn’t stop him from diving over the top onto the champion to start. A hurricanrana off the apron bangs up the ankle again so Lee goes after it in a smart move. The slow beating continues until an enziguri staggers Lee again. That means a Schitt’s Creek plug as DJZ grabs a reverse hurricanrana. DJZ loads up the ZDT but Helms grabs the leg, allowing Lee to get in a rollup with a handful of tights to retain at 4:31.

Rating: D+. Standard X-Division match here, meaning no chance to go anywhere, high spots that were more interesting the first thousand or so times we’ve seen them and little surprise to the ending because you only get one change of this title every five months or so. Nothing to see here, as expected.

Post match Lee loads up the Pillmanizing but Andrew Everett comes in for the save.

Maria comes up to see Sutter and offers to remind him why this is happening. Sutter says he knows and Maria threatens him with consequences if there’s no wedding. We still don’t know what those consequences are.

It’s time for the wedding with an already drunk Bennett as the best man. Spud is flower man and Aron Rex comes out in his gear. Maria and Sienna are the bridal party and after a break, here’s Laurel as the fans chant for ODB. Maria does her signature stuff and brings out Allie, who looks stunning in her bridesmaid’s dress and causes Braxton’s jaw to drop.

Laurel reads her own vows, talking about how your bank account is what matters and promising to buy Braxton a new wardrobe. The fans drown this out with DELETE chants and Sutter says he forgot to bring his vows. We get to the “any objections” part and Maria shouts the fans down before Allie can say anything. Maria trips her and yells when the rings fall because that’s what Maria and Allie do.

Laurel says I Do but Braxton can’t get the second word out. Fans: “JUST SAY NO!” Braxton says no because he can’t stand being around Laurel. There’s a guy out there for Laurel to make completely miserable but it’s just not him. Braxton says he loves Allie and for once the fans seem to genuinely freak out over this (It couldn’t be because these are characters the fans can relate to and get behind because they can’t stand the villain could it?).

He knows Maria is going to fire Allie for this and he’ll never see her again but he loves her and that’s all that matters. Maria fires Allie but she quits instead. This might have been more effective if they hadn’t had the big split moment two or three times already. Sutter punches Bennett down and Brooke comes out to help Allie. Robbie E. goes after Aron and the big kiss ends the show as Pope teases the changes AGAIN.

The big angle was good because I have a reason to care about the characters but as usual, TNA screwed themselves over by hyping this as the “most controversial wedding in wrestling history”. Not only does that basically say they know what’s coming but also…..this was exactly what people were expecting. It’s not like this was anything that we haven’t seen a half dozen times before. The Brooke wedding a few years back where Tazz joined Aces and 8’s was a bigger surprise than this one. Again though, that’s TNA in a nutshell: make something bigger than it is and be disappointing because Josh can’t shut up about it.

Overall Rating: D. Assuming you even count the first “match” as wrestling, this show didn’t even have fourteen minutes of actual bell time (not counting the Hardys which was a bunch of clips instead of a match). The Hardys are still running around doing whatever they want, despite it not seeming to lead to anything (other than Ring of Honor) at the moment. Everything else is just there with no particular rhyme or reason, which doesn’t make for a good show. The wedding was entertaining for what it was but that’s not enough to carry a show.

I know none of this really matters as they’re resetting everything (AGAIN) in two weeks but they better knock it out of the park with the new stuff because this has been really dull lately. They’re certainly teasing some new stuff and that’s a good thing, though if there’s one thing TNA knows how to do, it’s underwhelm on their bragging.

Results

Tyrus b. Eli Drake via DQ when Tyrus hit the referee

Jesse Godderz b. Bram – Rollup

Josh Barnett b. Bad Bones – Keylock

Trevor Lee b. DJZ – Rollup with a handful of tights

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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