Impact Wrestling
Date: December 27, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Tazz

Hey it’s Open Fight Night, BECAUSE WE JUST HAD A FREAKING GIMMICK SHOW LAST WEEK! Pay no attention to the fact that these shows never accomplish anything and the ratings keep going down, because clearly these stupid gimmicks are the only thing holding them up as high as they go. The show will likely be fine but man alive I don’t care about this Open Fight thing. Let’s get to it.

After the usual opening recap, here’s Bully Ray with something to say. He realizes he and Hogan can’t get along because Hogan won’t trust him. Tonight, he’s calling Hulk out for a talk rather than a fight. The music plays but there’s no Hulk. Instead we get Brooke who says Hulk isn’t here. We get the melodramatic promo from Brooke about how someone had a camera or something because Hulk knows. DOES NO ONE WATCH THEIR OWN TV SHOWS ANYMORE??? Ray denies anything exists and leaves with Brooke trying to talk sense into him.

Here’s Aries who doesn’t care what the fans think of him. He’ll win the title back soon but tonight, he’s going to be in the main event against Roode for costing him the title last week.

Samoa Joe calls out the hammer guy from Aces and 8’s and promises to take his mask.

Samoa Joe vs. Masked Man

Joe pounds away to start but gets beaten down in the corner. The masked guy (I believe Mike Knox) hits the running crotch attack in 619 position but misses a charge in the corner. Joe tries the MuscleBuster but gets kicked away. There’s the Clutch instead and the masked guy is out at 2:56.

Joe goes for the mask but the rest of the bikers come in for the save. Of course they do.

Robbie E and Jesse have a Dude/Bro off. I’m strangely intrigued by this. The challenge is for a Bro Off later rather than a match of course.

Kenny King tells Christian York to watch tonight and maybe he’ll get an X Title match.

It’s time for the Bro Off, which has three rules: every bro for himself, you have to end everything in bro….and the third rule isn’t listed. Apparently this is a dance off. Scratch that as Robbie dances and Jesse poses. Jesse presses Tara over his head but apparently it’s Bros and not Hoes, so Robbie wins by DQ. Robbie T says that’s not it because he’s in this too. He poses as well before pressing Robbie E over his head. T also fist pumps, backflips, does one handed pushups and humps the mat. The look on E and Jesse’s faces are HILARIOUS. T wins apparently.

Van Dam, looking higher than I’ve ever seen him, calls out Christian York instead of Kenny King.

Christian York vs. Rob Van Dam

Feeling out process to start with both guys missing some strikes. York hits a half nelson suplex to take over and a kick to Van Dam’s back to follow up. A rana sends Van Dam to the outside and a missile dropkick back inside for no cover. The Mood Swing (Eve’s rolling neckbreaker) gets two as does a kick out of the corner from York. York hits a top rope double stomp to the back for two but misses a charge in the corner. Van Dam hits a split legged moonsault for two and Rolling Thunder for no cover. Five Star gets the pin at 4:03.

Rating: C. Nice spot fest here but literally that’s it. There was nothing between these moves which gets really annoying really fast. York is a guy who they’re at least making look competent, which is all you can ask for with a new guy like him. Also at least there’s something to look at, unlike the other Gut Check people who never show up again.

D-Von talks about getting someone new to join the club. Doc is with some girls and approves of the plan.

We get a package on Joseph Park in OVW. Park: “I’m setting the bar for training.” Danny Davis: “He’s dumber than a box of rocks.” We get the clip of Park morphing into Abyss which was the potential that Davis was looking for.

Bad Influence goes to make sure they don’t have any merchandise on sale. They have a post-Christmas present for everyone.

Remember to vote for Superstar of the Year.

Roode says he’s winning tonight and getting the title back at Genesis.

Sting is still going to be back on 1-3-13.

Daniels dances out to the ring and says greetings and salutations to all you ham sandwiches. He’s the reason AJ hasn’t been around anymore so why not do it one more time? He calls out AJ and naturally it’s Kaz in the AJ gear. Kaz cuts a promo in a GREAT AJ impersonation and says how great Daniels is. Kaz: “I’m not going to wrestle you. I’m going to go find Clair Lynch and….” Daniels: “NO! NOBODY WANTS THAT!”

The tag champions come out and challenge Bad Influence for right now.

Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero vs. Bad Influence

Fast paced start with Daniels getting thrown around by Chavo. Off to Hernandez for a bearhug into a belly to belly overhead suplex. The champions pound away on Daniels before slamming Kaz onto Daniels for no cover. Daniels begs away from Hernandez and we take a break. Back with Hernandez doing his delayed vertical suplex on Daniels. I’m not sure if any time has actually passed since we left. Things break down and Daniels takes over on SuperMex.

The non-champions hit back to back slingshot strikes on Hernandez to take over. The match drags on and gets very boring in a hurry with the heels in control. After about 8 hours, the lukewarm tag brings in Chavo who hits Three Amigos on Kaz. Bad Influence hits a Hart Attack for two but Hernandez sends them to the floor. The champs hit a double dive to the floor before throwing Kaz back in for the Frog Splash and the pin at 14:30.

Rating: C. The match was fine but OH MY GOODNESS Chavo and Hernandez are boring. You have Bad Influence getting some of the funniest lines in this company in years and they get to job time after time to this generic Latino tag team. Seriously, that’s the ONLY thing about the champs that sets them apart from any two other guys. They’re the champions and they’re going to have them for a long time, because there is no tag division in TNA.

Hardy has little to say.

Video on Aces and 8’s attacking people with the hammer.

We see the guy that Aces and 8’s wants to join….and it’s Mr. Anderson. He’s offered women to help them out and apparently they’re good enough to sway him into considering it.

Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher

You know, for those people who wanted this feud to be picked up again. Tessmacher takes over to start and does the Stinkface thing in the corner. Gail gets knocked to the floor but takes over back inside. Kim loads up a super rana but Tessmacher blocks it, sending Gail down onto her head. FREAKING OW MAN! A dragon sleeper in the corner doesn’t do much for Tessmacher so Gail takes over again. The sloppiness continues but Tessmacher can’t hit that Tesshocker thing of hers. A top rope elbow misses Gail and Eat Defeat ends this at 5:24.

Rating: D. I can’t stand the Knockouts anymore and these two sucking the charisma out of things that don’t even have charisma in the first place are a good reason for that. Nothing to see here at all and I barely have enough to say to fill in the four lines of space that I try to have for each rating.

Next week it’s Aces and 8’s vs. Angle/Joe in a cage. Sure why not.

Bobby Roode vs. Austin Aries

Feeling out process to start until Aries sends Roode to the floor. He loads up the suicide dive but stops cold when Roode is waiting on him. We take a break (complete with a Hardy voiceover) and come back to see them hammering on each other before Aries is sat on top. They ring each others’ ears and trade pokes to the eyes. Aries knocks Roode down and tries what looks like an elbow, only to roll through when Roode moves.

Bobby loads up a spear but gets caught in the Last Chancery. Roode pokes the eyes to escape and puts on the Crossface which I guess is his secondary finisher. Aries goes to the eyes as well to escape, showing some nice storytelling here. Roode begs off in the corner but trips Aries up for two with his feet on the ropes.

Aries tries a rollup with trunks for two of his own but walks into the spinebuster for two. Hebner disarms Roode of the chair he picked up, allowing Aries to hit a discus elbow for two. Now Austin brings in the chair but Henber will still have none of it. Hebner goes off on both guys so they both deck him and toss him to the floor, throwing the match out at about 13:00.

Rating: B-. I had a great time with this and I’m glad neither guy won. There was no reason to have one guy go over the other and the stereo cheating was a great touch. It’s clear they’re setting up a threeway and that’s probably the right move to go with until we set up Aries vs. Hardy whatever at Lockdown. Good stuff here.

Post match they both go for the chair but Hardy runs out and takes both guys out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The first hour was pretty good but after that this show fell off a cliff. I’m not sure what it was but I think the tag match had something to do with it. The problem with TNA is when something is bad, it’s REALLY bad and that’s what happened here. We’re two weeks away from Genesis and as usual, we have NOTHING scheduled yet. The three way is pretty obvious, but other than that the card could go in a lot of directions. By this point though, we should have hit some stops as we head in a direction.

Results

Samoa Joe b. Masked Man – Koquina Clutch

Rob Van Dam b. Christian York – Five Star Frog Splash

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez b. Bad Influence – Frog Splash to Kazarian

Gail Kim b. Miss Tessmacher – Eat Defeat

Austin Aries vs. Bobby Roode went to a no contest

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: October 25, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Todd Kenely, Mike Tenay, Taz

It’s Championship Night or whatever the latest gimmick show these guys have going on is called. I’m not a big fan of having I think three title matches less than two weeks after BFG, but since the shows themselves aren’t worth watching, they need a gimmick to draw in fans. There’s a world title match tonight with an opponent for Hardy to be announced. Let’s get to it.

We open with Hogan and Hardy in the back. Hogan is picking Hardy’s first challenger tonight and Hardy is ready for anyone. Hardy leaves and we get a really stupid voiceover from Hardy, talking about all of his potential opponents. He doesn’t care who he faces here.

X-Division Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Zema Ion

We’ve got split announcers tonight, with Kenely (not sure who he is) and JB doing the first hour and the usual boys doing the second. Ion tries a quick rollup for two but it’s a standoff. Rob gets a gorilla press of all thigns and a pair of moonsaults for two. Ion heads to the floor and Rob is sent into the barricade when he follows. Ion charges into a kick in the ring but Rob misses a dive to the floor. Zema hits a flip dive over the top to take the champ out. Back in and Ion misses a majorly flippy dive so Rob kicks him in the face and hits Rolling Thunder for no cover. The Five Star retains the title at 4:33.

Rating: C-. Van Dam is a good pick for the title because you’re going to get at least a watchable match out of him and a win over him will mean something. Thankfully this should get him past Ion who was champion because….I’m not sure why he was champion, but it might be because he’s still around when everyone else from the X-Division revival

As Van Dam celebrates, Matt Morgan takes his head off with the Carbon Footprint. Joey Ryan has the X Title and poses with it. Morgan says this is what Hogan wanted.

Austin Aries is listening to the people trying to get the title match. The options are Angle, Anderson, Storm and Ray. Aries gets a shot anyway so he doesn’t care. We get some good jabs at Hogan’s “acting” and Aries says he’s going to use these guys for his personal amusement once they’re eliminated.

Here are Daniels and Kaz who don’t like the lack of tricks they’ve been getting for all the tricks they’ve been through. Daniels was left alone last week because Hogan screwed with Kaz’s travel. Kaz thinks the new champions are here in this country illegally. Daniels takes the mic from him and says that it’s not really Championship Thursday is it Suburban Commando? It’s a crime that everyone else is getting a shot but not them.

Daniels accuses Dixie of pandering to a Latino audience and says they should wear sombreros and drink tequila. Maybe they should call themselves Dos Stereotipicos. Daniels has a petition to get another title match. Well that’s better than the auto rematch clause. Cue the champions who say they’ll help with the petition. Hernandez has his title wrapped a chain around his neck. The brawl is on and the champs clear the ring in about a second. I think we have a rematch made. Kaz: “GIVE ME THAT CLIPBOARD BACK! THAT’S AN EXPENSIVE PEN!”

Hogan eliminates Anderson for nothing having enough fire. Aries tries to interview him. “Was it not taking enough vitamins? Not saying enough BROTHERS?” Aries says Anderson would be an easy opponent than him and throws a drink in Anderson’s face. The fight is on and Aries is down off a WICKED PAPER POSTER SHOT TO THE HEAD! A match is made and Anderson laughs. Then, to further the stupidity, we hear the director yell CUT. I mean…..really?

D-Von is with Aces and 8’s. The President has said no masks can come off. There are some women here to entertain them apparently, but first they have to take someone out. A member throws a dart at a bunch of pictures of wrestlers but we don’t see who it hit.

TV Title: Robbie T vs. Samoa Joe

Geez enough with the Robs getting title shots! Joe pounds away in the corner to start but T comes back with a spin kick to take him down. Joe puts on the Clutch and after a meaningless Robbie E distraction, Joe puts the hold on again while jumping on T’s back. Terry falls back on him but in an AWESOME moment, Joe sits up and with an INSANE look on his face, puts the hold back on and gets the tap at 2:28. Look up that ending. It looked great.

We recap Tara taking the title from Tessmacher along with Jesse from Big Brother. Did I mention I can’t stand reality TV?

Back to Hogan’s office and Ray apparently isn’t focused enough. He’s going to find D-Von and take care of him, basically eliminating himself.

Anderson yells at a guy in a headset and apparently it’s Anderson vs. Aries next. I know this because the announcer said it’s Anderson vs. Aries next.

Mr. Anderson vs. Austin Aries

They start immediately and Anderson yells mean things at Austin. Anderson takes his shirt off as Aries chills on the floor. A fireman’s carry goes nowhere and things slow down. Aries puts brass knuckles in Anderson’s tights but the referee takes them away. That was kind of odd. The fans chant cheater and Anderson pounds him into the corner again. Anderson gets sent to the floor and there’s the suicide dive as we take a break.

Back with Aries still in control but the fans are cheering for the cheater now. Anderson tries to fight back with some elbows and a clothesline that spins Aries inside out. Anderson’s spinning neckbreaker takes Aries down but the Regal Roll is countered again. The double rotation kick sends Aries to the floor and Anderson adds a plancha.

The fireman’s carry is loaded up again but Aries takes out the referee. Aries steals the knuckles from Aries and Anderson gets them. The referee takes them away and Aries knocks him cold with another pair. Aries pulls Anderson on top of him to feign a pin attempt before putting on the Last Chancery for the pin at 11:49.

Rating: C-. This was an awkward match, likely because Anderson is so unorthodox in the ring. Not a horrible match but it was missing by a half beat. Aries is doing some cool stuff and I like him way better as a heel. I like Anderson way better off my TV, but I guess he’s better in this role than another, but it’s not like it’s a great improvement.

Brooke and Tara/Jesse do their usual stuff. Brooke tells Jesse that ODB has an eye on him. Isn’t ODB married?

Tenay and Taz take over in what is supposed to be a big deal I think. We recap the show up to this point.

Knockouts Title: Miss Tessmacher vs. Tara

Tara is defending and gets jumped before she can get in the ring. After more of a beating, a Jesse distraction lets Tara take over with some cheap shots. Tara slams Tessmacher’s face into the mat a few times but stops for a kiss. From Jesse unfortunately. More kissing occurs and Tara misses her slingshot somersault legdrop. Tessmacher comes back and hits her Stinkface before hitting an X Factor out of the corner. Tara grabs Terrell and Jesse lowbridges Tessmacher. Widow’s Peak retains the title at 3:57.

Rating: D+. Annoying non-celebrity aside, Tessmacher contines to do nothing at all for me. She’s just there and is exactly the same character she was a year ago. Also she’s just not that good in the ring, period. Her looks are great but mix up the outfits a bit already. Tara continues to be annoying with Jesse so it’s a success on that front. Hopefully this feud is done now.

Post match more making out occurs until Brooke comes out to shake her head. Apparently ODB is calling out Jesse next week on Open Fight Night.

Joseph Park goes in to talk to Hogan about fighting Aces and 8’s. Hogan says Park has had one match (he’s had two) and also he’s worried about Park’s liability. Park has a piece of paper. Hogan: “What’s that?” Park: “It’s a piece of paper.” He goes on to say it’s a letter of indemnification which means if he gets hurt fighting Aces and 8’s, it’s no one’s fault but Park’s and there’s no legal responsibility for anyone else.

Here’s Ray who again thanks Sting for letting him be his partner. Not much shocks Ray anymore, but the D-Von reveal did. Ray wants an explanation from D-Von but gets the whole group instead. They get in the ring and D-Von says they’re not friends or a team or anything anymore. D-Von says this has nothing to do with Ray anymore and it’s all about Hogan. Apparently this is because Hogan said that he wanted D-Von re-signed to the company, but Hogan and Dixie never called. In other words, if you don’t follow TNA online and follow Hogan on Twitter, this whole story makes VERY little sense.

D-Von says it’s over but Ray says it’s over when he says it’s over. Ray says D-Von is lying and he talks about the Guns coming back from 3D like two years ago and how they should have retired as champions. Years ago D-Von said they’re rich so screw the fans. D-Von says yeah he said it, so Ray wants to fight one on one right now. D-Von says it’s on his time but Ray says he’ll call him out next week on Open Fight Night.

Ryan says he wants the X Title and Morgan says Hogan started this.

It’s also Gut Check next week. The wrestler is Christian York. He wrestled on the first TNA show and in ECW.

Hogan says he’s got something big planned for Storm in the future but tonight Angle has the title shot.

TNA World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy

Jeff has two belts here: the vanity belt around his waist and the real one over his shoulder. We get some big match intros and we’re ready to go. Jeff takes him down with an armbar followed by the slingshot dropkick in the corner. Jeff goes to the corner but gets shoved out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Hardy escaping a chinlock and they clothesline each other.

Hardy starts speeding things up and kicks Angle to the floor. There’s a big clothesline off the apron and back inside for Whisper in the Wind for two. Angle comes back with Rolling Germans for two. The Slam is countered into the Twisting Stunner for no cover. Hardy goes up for the Swanton but Angle throws him off the top for two. Angle busts out a powerbomb for two and puts on a quick ankle lock, but Jeff kicks him off. The same kick puts Angle down but the Swanton misses.

The Angle Slam gets two so Jeff hits two straight Twists and the Swanton for just two. Jeff charges at Kurt and gets backdropped to the floor. Angle is spitting up blood. There go the straps as Hardy is thrown back in. Another Slam is countered into a rollup for the pin at 14:29 to keep the belt on Hardy.

Rating: B. When you need a solid match, call Kurt Angle. He’s great in spots like this where you need a main event and have no one else to throw in there. His resume is good enough to buy as a challenger no matter what he’s been doing lately. Either way, good stuff here and a very solid TV main event.

Post match Aries jumps Hardy and says the rematch is at Turning Point. Aries is so confident he’ll win that he takes the belt with him. The original, not the stupid one.

We cut to the back to see Angle getting destroyed by Aces and 8’s to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. I liked the show, but man alive was it exhausting. There’s WAY too much stuff going on here between all of the title matches and the backstage stuff and the reality show stuff with Hogan and it’s all just too much. TNA is the opposite of WWE in that respect as while WWE has too much time on their hands, TNA doesn’t have enough and you get shows like this where there’s so much stuff going on that you can’t get a chance to breathe.

Still though, this was WAY better than last week and I feel better about where they’re going now. One more note: slow down on the gimmick shows. We’re going from Championship Thursday to Open Fight Night next week. Space them out or cut one. Back to back is too much, and there’s likely another gimmick that I can’t think of.

Results

Rob Van Dam b. Zema Ion – Five Star Frog Splash

Samoa Joe b. Robbie T – Koquina Clutch

Austin Aries b. Mr. Anderson – Last Chancery

Tara b. Miss Tessmacher – Widow’s Peak

Jeff Hardy b. Kurt Angle – Swanton Bomb

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Bound For Glory 2010
Date: October 10, 2010
Location: Ocean Center, Daytona Beach, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

So here it is. This is the show that they have spent MONTHS building to. This is their Wrestlemania and by far their biggest show of the year. We get a new champion tonight and find out who THEY are. Even I’m excited and I’ve made no secret that I’m a big critic of this company. Tonight is the final match for Abyss apparently which I don’t buy at all. Let’s get to it.

Main event is no time limit, no count out and no DQ. That makes me nervous.

There’s and entrance ramp as well as three video screens. The production values are rather solid here, especially by TNA standards.

Tag Titles: Motor City Machine Guns vs. Generation Me

Good choice for an opener. Shelley and Max (does it matter?) start us off. Naturally it’s insanely fast paced to start us off. The Guns get all tricky and destroy Max in the corner. A big elbow Poetry in Motion move gets two on Max. The heels are getting dominated here for the most part as we hear a lot about Shelley’s neck.

Double DDT out of the corner to Shelly and he’s in big trouble. Shelley keeps fighting and manages to get out with a big double stomp off the top. Hot tag to Sabin as this isn’t bad at all so far. The Guns and everything else go completely insane and Sabin hits Punk’s springboard clothesline to Jeremy for a close two. Tenay is right that no one has tag wrestling like this.

The Guns are just straight up fun to watch. I’m not sold on making this the opener though as this is something that probably should have been used to fire up the crowd in case they get bored later on. Max gets two and is legit shocked that Sabin kicked out. They go for the DDT again but Shelley makes the save.

Elevated Sliced Bread is blocked and Jeremy takes out Sabin with a big dive. A Piledriver like move is broken up by Sabin at two. Very fast paced match naturally. This is too fast to call. We actually get a tag. Are you kidding me? They set for More Bang For Your Buck but a nice counter sets up a running German off the top by Sabin. Skull and Bones on Max ends this.

Rating: B. Very fast paced and fun match. Do I need to explain this one again? It’s an insanely fast paced tag match to open up a show. That’s PPV 101 but I worry that this might be the high point of the show. We get the awesome Motor City music twice though and the Guns keeping the belts is a good thing so I’m happy.

Tara and Madison go nuts on Christy about hair dye or something. Tara is grateful to Madison for life apparently.

We recap the Knockouts Title situation which I think you all know by now. It’s all about the Beautiful People and that’s about it. This again becomes all about them and nothing else. Keep in mind Mickie James is the referee here.

Knockouts Title: Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Skye vs. Tara

Dang Mickie looks good. I could go without the hardcore country thing though. One fall to a finish here and tags are required. Angelina vs. Madison to start us off. Off to the regular Beautiful People now which is the only match left in that division I suppose. Madison comes in and gets in Mickie’s face but that goes nowhere.

This is another match that is going too fast to really keep track of. Tara vs. Velvet at the moment. How in the world did Hefner think Tara didn’t look good enough for Playboy? Octopus Hold from Velvet to Tara which blows my mind a million ways to Monday. The tagging thing is of course abandoned soon.

Widow’s Peak doesn’t go on as Angelina makes a save. And then she rolls up Velvet with some tights being pulled to give her the title. We get the BROKEN song so I’m very happy. Madison goes off on her and Mickie takes her out. So it’s Tara vs. Mickie now? Ok then.

Rating: D+. Pretty much just a mess here and only a way to get the title on the show. This wasn’t much at all but you had five hot women and you get to add Mickie to the division now which is definitely not a bad thing at all as it was dying for some fresh blood. Nothing very good here but I’ve seen worse.

Eric Young babbles about some code. Yeah I don’t care either.

We recap the “feud”. Yeah I don’t care either. Let’s get this over with.

Eric Young/Orlando Jordan vs. Ink Inc

Eric has the TNA rule book while Orlando is in a white suit with a beekeeper mask. And now Eric has fake tattoos or something. I give up. Jordan and Neal start us off because someone has to. Let the gay jokes begin.

Taz recommends that Shannon avoid the crotch of Orlando. I give up. Total meh match here as it was boring on Impact and it’s boring here. This is really just an outlet for Taz to make gay jokes about Orlando which aren’t incredibly funny. Eric gets crotched on the top rope.

Orlando vs. Shannon at the moment. Eric is fooling with the rule book because it’s been a few seconds without “comedy.” We talk about the German broadcast team for no apparent reason. Eric starts cheating by pretending to tag in and Taz is just like “screw it’. Eric tags himself in to fight Orlando. We get a Midnight Rocker reference which makes Taz laugh. Eric causes Orlando to get caught by Shannon for the pin.

Rating: D. Just move on please. I hate comedy matches, especially when they lack comedy.

Jeff says he’s going to win with the Twist of Fate and Swanton Bomb.

X–Division Title: Douglas Williams vs. Jay Lethal

This is the return match apparently from Impact a few weeks ago when Lethal won it in the first place. Non-British tights for Williams here. What would the Bulldog think? Fast paced start until Williams gets a hold on Lethal to take over. And so much for that. Tenay talks about the new tights because that’s interesting I guess?

Apparently his family crest is on it. No mention of Fourtune here which is kind of odd. Williams takes it to the mat and we stay there for awhile. Williams is getting back into the style of hating the X Division style that worked so well for him in the spring and early summer.

Lethal cranks up the speed to make things work a bit better. Taz likes suplexes and you can hear it in his voice. It changes when Williams uses a few of them. He even throws in some analysis of them for fun. Hey he sounds like an analyst. I thought this was 10/10 not 10/31.

Chaos Theory out of nowhere gets two. Dang I love that move. Williams gets all ticked off and takes him up top and sets for a rana. Lethal gets a SWEET counter where he rolls through it perfectly into a sunset flip for the pin to retain. He celebrates in the crowd which is always a nice touch.

Rating: C+. Nothing special here but the ending was rather good. This felt like a decent Impact match but it was totally tacked on here with no particular rhyme or reason. Blast I need to stop listening to Shinedown. This wasn’t bad but it was just kind of thrown on there to get the match on the card.

And while he’s in the crowd SHORE attacks him. Like the idiot that he is, he says he’s winning the title and taking it back to Jersey. You know, where Lethal is from.

We recap RVD vs. Abyss which is a bit early on the card I’d think for it. I can’t imagine this is where THEY are revealed. That’s just way too early for it I’d think but who knows? The idea here is RVD isn’t at 100% but he wants revenge no matter what.

Rob Van Dam vs. Abyss

Monster’s Ball here which means anything goes. And remember this is his last match EVER! He brings Janice and Bob, which are the names of Dixie Carter’s parents in what I’d assume is a rib, and puts them on the announce table. Abyss says RVD is done and THEY are coming. And remember this is once a century. You know, like EVERY OTHER DATE.

RVD of course kicks the heck out of him to start to a HUGE RVD chant. Van Dam is in a t-shirt here for some reason. There’s a barbed wire table at ringside. Total dominance so far by Van Dam who is on fire. He gets taken down by an elbow of all things. Given the shirt I’d bet on RVD going into barbed wire.

Chokeslam is countered and of course Abyss eats barbed wire. This would be more effective if we hadn’t seen it just three days ago with bigger stars. And of course he’s up again just a few seconds later, dodging a splash that send RVD into the wire. Abyss busts out a regular table as we talk about THEY.

Trash can to the head of Van Dam as Abyss tries to make a barbed wire platform between the railing and the ring. Oh never mind it’s just a regular table. Abyss winds up on it and RVD hits Rolling Thunder onto it. Cool spot. Too many dead spots here though as we hit a spot and then stop to look for more stuff to use in the next one.

RVD sets up Coast to Coast but gets shoved off and RVD winds up in barbed wire. Sick looking bump. The match more or less stops as the referee is thinking about stopping it. Instead we throw him back into the ring and Abyss gets…nothing. Ok then. Instead we get the Hogan ear taunt.

Van Dam comes back and sends him into the barbed wire board in the corner. Now it’s Abyss in trouble. RVD goes for the Five Star but Abyss moves and RVD has a tummy ache. And now It’s time for Janice. Well of course it is. RVD counters though and gets a pair of shots with Janice to the gut of Abyss and the Five Star. Abyss is bleeding from the mouth.

Rating: B-. Fun hardcore match with everyone beating the tar out of each other. Ok so maybe saying everyone for two people is a stretch but you get the concept. This worked fine for what it was with lots of weapons being used and all that jazz. They’re dragging this angle out for all it’s worth and more though so points for that….I think. Fun match.

Abyss says here WE come. Oh great.

We recap the handicap match with the whole Deception thing. This is the other major angle and Hogan is VERY hurt keep in mind. Yeah I don’t buy it either.

Jeff Jarrett/Samoa Joe vs. D’Angelo Dinero/Kevin Nash/Sting

Joe vs. Pope start us off. Oh and Joe is fighting for Hulk’s honor despite having zero connection to him. Nothing special so far and we hit the floor. It more or less has broken down with Jarrett fighting Pope and the old guys vs. Joe. And so much for that as we get back to Nash vs. Joe.

The entrance ramp really does look good. Pretty basic match so far. Joe gets beaten on for a good while but FINALLY gets a shot in on Nash to get away. He goes for the tag and there goes Jarrett for your swerve. Nash says I told you and Joe is in trouble. Now it really is 3-1. Jackknife to Joe ends it.

Rating: D+. Just the match that no one cared about to build to the swerve. Pay no attention to the fact that we’ve been building up Sting vs. Jeff for months and now it’s all cool. I’ll allow him an explanation but dude, this was supposed to be the explanation, not more questions. Whatever man.

Anderson says he’ll win.

Here’s 3D for their major announcement. Yep they’re retiring, but they want one more match, and of course they want the Guns. They’re retiring either way. Nice. This is solid I think and it’s good that they’ll retire this way.

We recap Fourtune vs. EV 2.0. If there is ANY justice in the world, EV loses here. Naturally it’s more about Flair vs. Foley than anyone else.

Fourtune says exactly what you would expect them to say. Regular vest for AJ thank goodness.

Fourtune vs. EV 2.0

This is a one ring WarGames match. A man from each team starts and after a set amount of time (5 minutes I think) there’s a coin toss and another guy comes in from the winning team. That goes on for two minutes then a guy from the losing team comes in. Two more minutes of that and then the winning team gets the advantage again. Alternate until all 8 are in and then we lower the roof, complete with weapons. No pins or submissions until everyone is in.

EV has Dreamer, Sabu, Rhyno, Richards and Raven. Yeah ten people in there great. Foley is with them. Flair brings out AJ, Storm, Roode, Kaz and Morgan. Fourtune has the advantage so screw the coin flip idea. Flair is in an undershirt. Oh dear.

The old guys go at it before the match starts and we try to figure out who starts the match. Kaz and Richards to start. Again Taz wants to say ECW and can’t do it. Kaz beats the tar out of him to start. And he continues doing so. Well that’s what you get for sending in Richards as your leadoff man.

Stevie gets a Downward Spiral into a modified Koji Clutch but AJ comes in seconds later to make it 2-1. Richards is of course in WAY over his head and gets destroyed. Figure four on Richards and he’s almost dead. Dreamer is in next. How in the world is this guy feuding with AJ Styles?

Dreamer spits mist or something at AJ as Richards gets back into it. All of Fourtune is in blue which is a cool idea I guess. Roode goes in third as this is going to take awhile to just get everyone in. Flair punches Dreamer through the camera hole. I love that thing as it gives you far better shots.

Sabu comes in and hooks a seated crossface chickenwing on AJ which we’ll call a camel clutch for fun I guess. This is REALLY slow now with EV controlling. Dreamer is bleeding fairly badly. Storm is in so it’ll be Morgan and Raven or Rhyno in last. Storm turns the tide and we get BEER MONEY!

With nothing left in the other minute here’s Raven who looks stupid with blonde hair. He cleans some house and shoves a snot rag in someone’s face. Ah ok it was Roode. Dreamer gets his crotch stepped on for fun. Dude seriously, Raven is your hot tag in essence? Roode is busted open.

Sabu is busted too. Morgan comes in as the final member of Fourtune. He drills Richards and drills Sabu back first into the cage. Dreamer takes the elbows in the corner as the advantage does the same thing it’s done the whole time so far. Raven is bleeding too so every member of EV who is in the match is busted.

Big Gore to Storm and here comes the roof. This is where the advantage is supposed to come for EV I guess. Flair and Foley get into it of course as is their custom. EV takes over and there are bigger weapons on top of the cage such as a table, a ladder and something else that I can’t make out.

Raven and Morgan beat the heck out of each other as EV is mostly in control. Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint and misses, hitting the door which doesn’t move at all. Kaz gets drilled into the door and there it goes. Richards and Kaz go up and we set up the ladder up there. This always scared the living heck out of me.

Sabu dives through the door to take out Morgan and maybe Storm. Richards sets up the table on top of the cage and Kaz goes up the ladder and here’s Kendrick on top of the cage too. Kaz goes through the table and Kendrick appears to be meditating or something. In the ring Dreamer drills AJ in the leg and drops him on a chair, winning the match. Yes, EV won the match and everything seems to be fine with it. WELL OF COURSE THEY ARE.

Rating: D+. Not much here as there were a lot of very slow spots. Also the Kendrick thing just did nothing for it. The weapons were ok but the ending felt kind of tacked on. This never got to the level that they wanted it to get to and that hurt it a lot. This was one of the weaker matches they’ve done with this gimmick and I think a lot of that is due to the participants.

Oh yeah. DID I MENTION EV 2.0 JUST FREAKING BEAT FOURTUNE and that TOMMY DREAMER PINNED AJ FREAKING STYLES??? And people wonder why this company can’t be taken seriously.

Music video about the main event.

TNA World Title: Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy

Hardy has new music. Nothing all that special as again you can barely understand it. He’s called challenger #1. Who exactly is he challenging if no one has the title? Anderson is in gray tights which is odd. It’s 10:33 and we’re just starting. Think they’re cutting this close? No big match intros either which is weird also.

Angle is knocked to the floor and Anderson gets a neckbreaker on Hardy for two. Angle pops in and goes for Anderson’s knee. Big old belly to belly as it’s all Angle here. Then Hardy saves and it’s all Hardy. Little theme going on there. Angle Germans Hardy who Germans Anderson to take both of them over in a cool spot.

It gets two on Hardy as we keep going. 10:37 and no sign of THEY which scares the daylights

out of me. Hardy sends Angle up and over and might be hurt. I don’t buy it but whatever. Hardy goes over the top in a dive to take out everyone. Back in and Angle is ok, hooking a chinlock on Hardy after a cover gets two.

Running German to Hardy and he’s up seconds later. Ok then. Hey we went a full two hours and 40 minutes before we got a shot of Dixie. Angle is busted open a bit. Angle busts out some Germans on Anderson as Hardy is down. Hardy gets some of the same. Ankle Lock on the face painted one.

Anderson tries to save and winds up in the ankle lock. Angle locks the ankle lock on BOTH of them at once. That looks awesome. Naturally it doesn’t work but it looked cool while it was on. Anderson gets that rolling fireman’s carry slam from the middle rope on Angle so that Hardy can cover both for two.

10:45 now as this has somehow been going 12 minutes. Angle Slam gets two on Hardy. Top rope Angle Slam on Anderson but Hardy gets the cover for two. The fans think this is awesome and it’s not bad. Twist of Fate to Anderson and the Swanton hits. Angle saves into the ankle lock and Hardy is in trouble.

Jeff kicks off and sends Angle into a Mic Check for a VERY close two. Pinfall reversal sequence gets a lot of two counts. Angle is the only one left and hits the moonsault on Hardy for two again as Anderson is still down. Angle and Anderson go at it and block each others’ finishers.

And there goes the referee. Oh dang it. Everyone is down and here comes Eric with a chair. And here it comes. This is what TNA has spent the last 4 months building to. And what a shock: HULK IS HERE! Or at least his music is here. Yep there he is but on crutches. He needs help getting into the ring which I don’t buy.

Hulk looks ticked at Eric who throws the chair out and wipes his hands. Hardy stumbles to his feet on the floor and gets in. Both Bischoff and Hogan have crutches and Hogan gives Jeff his. Angle is up. Hardy pops Angle with the crutch and Hogan points at Jeff. Yes, it appears that Jeff Hardy, the most popular star in the world, is part of They. Twist of Fate to Anderson, and Hardy is world champion.

Rating: B. Ending aside obviously, this was a solid main event. It felt like a big match, but then again I would prefer a singles match for the title. That’s the traditionalist in me talking but if there is a match to end the biggest show of the year, only on very special occasions (this isn’t one of them) should it not be one on one for the world title.

Here comes Jeff Jarrett and Abyss. The fans throw trash in for no apparent reason. Hogan and Abyss hug, and THEY are revealed. Yes, it was Hogan and Bischoff with Hardy all along. RVD comes down and yells at Jeff and is of course laid out. Massive posing ends the show.

OverallRating: B-. This one took me a very long time to reach as it’s now almost 330 Monday afternoon as I write this. This show, without a doubt, was not boring. The ending was a legit shock and I think lived up to most of the hype, but we’ll get to that later.

As for the rest of the card, there are two important things here. Number one, Lethal vs. Williams was the only standard one on one match. Number two, expect to see a lot less wrestling in the near future. Nothing was incredibly bad, but not a lot really stood out.

What I saw in this card was a great example of an old school WCW card: the opening stuff was great, then the stars come on and things go downhill a bit. For instance, Fourtune loses? Why? I understand the whole heels win at the end so faces have to win something, but dude, Tommy Dreamer beat AJ Styles at the biggest show of the year in 2010. The theory may work fine but when you put it into action that doesn’t mean it works.

And now for the big reason this show has perplexed me so: the main event. The match itself was rather good and considering my disdain for triple threats that’s saying a lot. As for the angle, the best thing I can say about it is that it was shocking. I didn’t see Hardy turning. Hogan and Bischoff I did and I have the LD posts to prove it.

The common issue with the turn is that it makes no sense. It does make sense to a degree but it’s one of those things that you have to suspend a lot of disbelief, think about a lot of things, ignore a lot of things and just accept parts of. That’s rarely good and I don’t think it’s good here.

The big comparison has been to Vince and Austin at Mania 17. Not really as in that it was simple as JR put it: “Steve Austin has sold his soul to the devil himself to win the WWF Title!” There. That’s it. That’s your explanation. There is no conspiracy, there is no hidden meaning, there is nothing but Austin saying he’s not good enough to beat Rock on his own and is taking the shortcut to get what he wants.

This is a huge conspiracy that is going to require a lot of explanation and in which something is going to get fouled up. I’ve said this many times: I don’t want to have to have a pencil and paper and a flow chart to understand an angle. TNA should not be more complicated than Lost.

Now after all that is said, the show was still good I thought. The ending was good. The shock was good. Impact is going to be through the roof for a few weeks. That being said, the real ratings are going to show through in a few weeks. They’ll be most interesting. I was VERY intrigued last night and while I think it came off as a letdown, the PPV has to be viewed as a success, despite Hogan managing to be the focus of the end of ANOTHER major show and angle.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

This should be interesting:
– The current “10 Count” with Matt Striker on WWE Classics on Demand ranks the top 10 Superstars to never win a world championship. The list is as follows:

Honorable Mentions: Killer Kowalski, Lance Storm

10. Arn Anderson
9. Chief Jay Strongbow
8. Paul Orndorff
7. Nikita Koloff
6. Junkyard Dog
5. Scott Hall
4. Jake “The Snake” Roberts
3. British Bulldog
2. “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase
1. “Rowdy” Roddy Roddy Piper

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 3, 2002
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 7,800
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a request for a reason that I can’t remember at all. I also got a request to do the following week’s show so I’ll be doing both in a row. This is right around the time when Austin bailed on the company and I don’t think he would be there next week for Raw. Actually I would be at a house show they were having the Saturday after this so this show has a bit of personal history for me. Let’s get to it.

Flair is in the back with Guerrero, Benoit and Andreson. Ric says they’re ready for Austin and everyone but Anderson goes to the ring, along with about 15 security guards.

Theme song hits.

Kevin Nash has a major announcement to make later tonight.

Here’s Flair along with Benoit and Eddie to open things up. Benoit is from Smackdown but he’s here anyway. Flair says he loves when a plan comes together and we get a clip from last week with Benoit turning heel and helping Eddie beat up Austin. Benoit says last week was a special appearance to see Austin. He says he can’t wrestle tonight because of Austin injuring him at King of the Ring. Austin took away Benoit’s dream of being WWE Champion last year. He’s run out of patience so the punishment begins tonight.

Eddie says last week he had his IC Title stolen from him by Rob Van Dam. It’s made him feel like less of a man and he thinks he’s losing his Latinoism. The Frog Splash to Austin made him feel a lot better and more hot blooded. Flair says Eddie is cool, which kind of defeats the point of what he just said doesn’t it? Ric says Austin won’t be wrestling tonight because he’s been benched. If Austin doesn’t like that, he can talk to Arn Anderson.

Anderson pops up on screen with Austin shaking his arms and talking for him like a puppet. Austin says he just beat up the Enforcer and he doesn’t like being benched. Tonight it’s him vs. Benoit or Guerrero or else. Flair says Austin doesn’t call the shots. Since Eddie is already in a match and Benoit isn’t medically cleared tonight, Austin gets no match. Austin asks for Flair instead, and if Austin wins he’s off the bench.

Flair says it’s on, but it’s going to be a WRESTLING match, just like in the old days. If Austin loses, he’s on the bench forever. Austin wants to know why Flair is called the Nature Boy. Does he like nature? Does he like boys? Austin stomps on Anderson instead of waiting for an answer before relieving himself on Anderson, which looks like mustard.

Hardcore Title: Steven Richards vs. Bradshaw

Steven is defending and this is joined in progress for some reason. Bradshaw quickly takes him down and hits him with a cowbell. Jackie is defending for whatever annoying reason she probably shouted about. Richards gets pumphandle slammed and tied up. Bradshaw finds a saddle and bullhorns under the ring but Steven hits him with a trashcan lid. The fallaway slam puts Richards down and Spike Dudley runs in. That goes nowhere as the Clothesline gives Bradshaw the title. This was nothing.

Justin Credible comes in post match and gets beaten up just as quickly. Crash comes out and gets the same treatment.

The NWO (Nash, Pac, Big Show and Booker) are arguing but Nash won’t say what the announcement is. Goldust comes in and imitates Coach, asking about the announcement. He thinks that he might be joining the team soon and Booker thinks it’s a good idea. He suggests that if Goldust can beat Pac tonight he gets Pac’s spot. Nash says ok.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Goldust vs. X-Pac

On top of getting into the tournament, the winner gets to be in the NWO. Goldust hits an atomic drop and a lariat for two followed by guillotining Pac on the top rope. Pac comes back with the spinwheel kick for two. Goldust gets his fake beard ripped off for some reason and Pac kicks him in the corner. The Bronco Buster misses and Goldie pounds away in the corner. Goldust hits a Bronco Buster of his own but an attempt at a second hits a boot and the X-Factor keeps Pac on the team.

Rating: D. This was nothing at all here with an angle being thrown together five minutes ago, because getting into a tournament on PPV isn’t important enough right? Goldust was a hilarious character around this point and they needed to get him with Booker soon enough so that the comedy duo could hit as well as it did. The match was nothing at all though.

Video package on RVD vs. Eddie in a ladder match last week where Van Dam got the IC Title back.

Van Dam says he’d do everything again to get the title back. Heyman and Brock come up to make fun of him. They’re in a tag match later. Heyman says that since he dumped Rob, he’s gotten Brock to replace him.

Jeff is playing guitar in the back when Matt comes up to see him. Jeff wants to know what else there is to life. He doesn’t think the Hardys are extreme or live for the moment anymore. He hands Matt the guitar and leaves.

Flair wants more stipulations in the main event tonight. If Flair wins, Austin is Flair’s new personal assistant. Also if Austin throws a single punch, it’s over. Austin comes in and signs the contract without reading it.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Terri

They’re both in lingerie. Trish is Women’s Champion due to reasons of common sense. Why would Terri get a title match anyway? Terri attacks to start and hits a top rope cross body for two. Trish charges into a boot and has her powerbomb countered. This is all for the sex spots of course. A bulldog (not springboard variety yet) FINALLY ends this. It was barely two minutes long but it felt like two hours.

Molly runs out post match and punches the belt by mistake, only to get laid out by a belt shot. Trish takes off her panties to reveal a thong.

Arn Anderson (thankfully in a fresh shirt) goes on a rant to Benoit. Flair will win tonight and Austin is going to be cleaning toilets.

Brock Lesnar/Eddie Guerrero vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Rob Van Dam

These were both singles matches last week so there’s your backstory. Eddie and Van Dam start things off which is probably the best possible combination. Scratch that as it’s Brock before any contact. Make that Bubba vs. Brock for the first contact. Eddie runs in for a double beating which is allowed because RVD is being put out in the corner. Eddie stomps Bubba down in the corner but walks into the big side slam for two.

Back to Brock who throws Bubba around like a monster throwing around a fat boy. Bubba grabs a DDT for two and it’s back to Rob. Van Dam fires off a kick but gets caught in a backbreaker and powerslam for two. Eddie comes in and things speed way up in a hurry. A spinwheel kick puts Guerrero down and there’s the tag back to Bubba. He pounds away with left hands and the elbow.

Brock tries to come in but gets suplexed out of his shoes by Bubba. Now there’s something I didn’t think I’d see. Bubba gets a table but Eddie dropkicks it into Ray’s face. It’s back to Eddie vs. Bubba in the ring but Guerrero can’t suplex him. Ok maybe he can and it’s followed by a slingshot hilo into a neckbreaker because Bubba sat up instead of laying down. Back to Lesnar who slugs Bubba down but walks into a Bubba Bomb.

Hot tag brings in RVD who hits his usual hot tag stuff on Eddie. Rolling Thunder gets two and everything breaks down. Brock comes in and runs over everything but Van Dam kicks him down. Heyman breaks up the Five Star and the F5 takes Van Dam down so that the Frog Splash can pin Rob.

Rating: C. Not bad here for the main event style tag match with the midcard talent (and NO commercials either) as everyone had at least a small chance to show off, which is a good thing. Brock would get a lot better, which is why it’s a good idea to put someone like Eddie in there to help him get through a match. This was pretty easily the best part of the show so far.

Regal doesn’t like what Trish did to Molly. He says he should be King of the Ring because he’s British, so Booker comes in to talk about the Revolutionary War. We need Rock to make Thomas Jefferson jokes.

We recap the Tough Enough 2 finale, which was a big surprise because it was never mentioned that the one male/one female winner rule was eliminated for this season.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Booker T vs. William Regal

Regal is European Champion and Booker is NWO despite being very popular. Regal takes it to the mat as you would expect him to. Booker pops back up and elbows him to the floor which goes nowhere. Back in the ring Regal hits a knee to the head but gets kicked back down. Booker hits the ax kick but Regal goes to the floor and grabs the belt and a chair. The referee puts the chair out which allows Booker to hit him with the belt for the pin.

Rating: D+. This is the night of the million meh’s so far as this was another uninteresting match with a stupid ending. When the longest match of the night so far has gotten about nine minutes, it means that we either have a long main event or a long segment left in the show. This was nothing though.

Booker does a Spinarooni post match.

Dreamer watches a clip from Smackdown where Undertaker beat up HHH and vomits as a result. See why no one talks about this period from the show’s history?

Undertaker vs. Tommy Dreamer

Taker is world champion and Dreamer eats his own vomit. This is disgusting and embarrassing to me as a wrestling fan. Dreamer jumps him and knocks him to the floor but Taker powerslams him off the apron. Guess what comes out of Dreamer’s mouth on the landing. Chokeslam and dragon sleeper end this. Good freaking grief.

Taker “slops” Dreamer post match until Jeff Hardy dropkicks Taker into the puddle. Yes, this is how they set up the feud.

Taker beats up Matt in the back since he can’t find Jeff.

Here’s Nash for the big announcement. He keeps it short and says that Shawn Michaels is the newest member of the NWO. They pose together but nothing is said. I guess the main event is long then.

Austin is getting ready with Debra. She finds out that the contract says if Austin wins, Flair is his personal assistant as well. This intrigues the Rattlesnake.

Ric Flair vs. Steve Austin

This was (depending on who you believe) supposed to be the main event of Starrcade 1994 but Hogan decided that Hogan vs. Beefcake was the real best option and that there was no use for Austin in black trunks. You remember Austin back in WCW. He was the guy that was starting to swear a lot and show a complete lack of respect for the veterans and old stars. Hulk Hogan: brilliance.

The loser is the winner’s personal assistant and if Austin throws a punch he’s disqualified. There’s something hilarious about them having to hype up the main event as a wrestling match like it’s a brand new innovative concept. They go to the mat to start and Austin pulls his fist back but the referee stops him. Flair says WOO so Austin flips him off. Austin takes him down and hooks a half crab.

After that’s broken they head into the corner where Austin pulls back his hand but chops Flair instead. Austin hits the Thesz Press but chokes instead. A clothesline gets two for Austin. Here comes Benoit just as Austin gets the Stunner but there’s no one to count. Eddie comes in from behind and hits Austin low, followed by a Frog Splash which gets no cover because Flair is still down.

We take a break and come back with Flair poking Austin in the eye to take over again. Out to the floor with Flair chopping away and getting chopped right back for his troubles. Austin backdrops him on the floor and we head back inside. Flair begs off so Austin chops his chest off. Austin goes for a punch but the referee stops him, allowing Flair to use an illegal punch, which sends Austin flying for some reason.

They chop it out as Flair seems almost hesitant to go after the knee. Naturally just as I say that the Figure Four goes on. Austin reverses it but Flair makes a quick rope. They chop it out and then collide to put both guys down. Flair goes up and you know how that ends with him. Austin stomps a mudhole but Flair grabs a small package for two. They chop it out some more and there’s a Stunner out of nowhere for the pin. It’s as random as it sounds.

Rating: B. See, sometimes it’s ok to not throw a single punch. The stipulations after the match are really stupid but the match to get there was quite good. This would be Austin’s last hurrah for about eight months though, as he would bail on the company about six days after this, due to the show being as stupid as it was, which is pretty true for the most part.

Austin beats up Flair a bit more to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was a pretty terrible show save for the main event and a decent tag match. The rest of this though was TERRIBLE, with some flat out disgusting moments that went nowhere at all. Austin bailed sometime between Saturday and Monday and honestly….can you blame him? Earlier today we saw him urinate on Arn Anderson and we saw Tommy Dreamer, Undertaker and Jeff Hardy involved with a bucket of vomit. Also, who is the second biggest face on Raw? RVD? I guess so and that’s ok for the most part, but does that make the third biggest Bubba Ray Dudley?

The show was in such a total mess around this point and that wouldn’t be corrected for the better part of two years until we got to Benoit and Guerrero as champions and even they were basically a six month stop gap until Cena and Batista (more Batista at first) really came along to help them get things back to normal. Austin leaving didn’t send them into a tailspin. It just took away the only safety mechanism they had left, and that’s ok by me.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Halloween Havoc 1990
Date: October 27, 1990
Location: UIC Pavilion, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul E. Dangerously

This is a somewhat forgotten period of the company’s history as Sting is world champion and he’s being haunted by the Black Scorpion. You would think a Halloween show would be perfect for a supernatural character to be blown off but that wound up happening at Starrcade. Instead tonight it’s Sting vs. Sid for the title as well as Luger vs. Stan Hansen for the US Title. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is just shots of the guys on the show.

Ross has a fedora on while Dangerously is a vampire.

Tony is a phantom of some kind. He talks to Ricky Morton and Tommy Rich who are teaming together because Robert Gibson is hurt.

Ricky Morton/Tommy Rich vs. Midnight Express

This would be Lane/Eaton’s last WCW match as Lane left to start SMW with Cornette. Their music (which is still freaking cool) gets a big pop. The Freebirds injured Gibson so there isn’t much heat here. Morton and Eaton get us going and it’s stalling early on. Eaton hiptosses Morton down and then does it again out of the corner. Eaton’s tights are so high up you can’t see his navel. He jumps into a punch to the ribs and Morton takes over a big.

We get a crisscross and hits a rana before it’s off to Lane. Actually scratch that as he’s just being nefarious. Now he comes in legally for a double team as Morton is in trouble again, this time off a Lane powerslam. A slingshot clothesline puts Morton down and Eaton adds an elbow drop. The Midnights are starting to cook here. Ricky gets sent to the floor and Eaton completely misses his top rope shot to the head.

Everyone but Lane is on the floor and Cornette gets in a racket shot to the throat. Morton is finally thrown back in and Lane fires off his karate shots. Cornette acts like the great manager that he is and distracts the referee so that Morton’s sunset flip is missed. Morton gets sent to the floor again and Lane hits him with a slam. The Express hits the Rocket Launcher onto Morton on the ramp in a good looking move.

Cornette gets in another racket shot to Morton as we’re almost ten minute in without Rich being in the match at all yet. He tries to come in but all that does is allow Lane to throw Ricky over the top. The idea is that Rich has no idea how to wrestle in a tag team so the Midnights are destroying the tag team expert. On the floor Morton hits a standing rana on Eaton before coming back in to small package Lane for two.

Eaton comes back in and hits the Alabama Jam but doesn’t cover for some reason. Back to Lane for more karate but Morton comes back by ramming Lane into the buckle. Still no tag but the second Rocket Launcher attempt hits knees. Eaton tags in Lane but Morton rolls into the corner to tag in Wildfire. Rich’s Thesz press is broken up so he goes up, only to get clocked by the racket. The Southern Boys come out dressed as Cornette for a distraction, allowing Morton to whack Lane with the racket for Rich to get the pin.

Rating: B. Good stuff here with the full tag team formula working to near perfection. Ricky Morton is perfect for what he was doing here, getting destroyed for about ten minutes before Rich comes in to do nothing before the ending. It’s perfect also that the Midnights go out after losing to Morton.

Bill Irwin vs. Terry Taylor

This is before Taylor is computerized and he’s no longer a farm animal. Jack Brickhouse of the Chicago Cubs is on commentary here. He’s a commentator so at least he has an idea here. The ring mat is red here and the buckles are orange if I forgot to mention that. Taylor works on the arm to start and things slow down a lot already. Irwin is a cowboy kind of guy so he has the bandana around his neck.

Taylor comes back with a missile dropkick for two. He takes it to the mat and hooks a headlock to slow things down again. Brickhouse used to be a wrestling announcer apparently. Irwin takes over and rams Taylor into his knee. A knee drop misses and it’s back to the headlock. Brickhouse snaps off a bunch of names he’s watched over the years, including Gotch and Hackenschmidt. Dang how old is this guy? His age would mean he couldn’t have seen them so apparently the guy is a liar. Good to know.

Irwin takes over again and the announcers insult Gordon Solie a bit. Brickhouse names off some other guys he used to watch, most of which you’ve heard of. He also knows most of the modern guys which is interesting. This guy could be a regular commentator. The match is being TOTALLY ignore but to be fair, it’s nothing of note with mostly rest holds. Irwin puts on a chinlock as JR is talking football.

There’s a boring chant going on now and it’s completely appropriate. Dangerously tries to get the commentary back on the match but I really don’t care to hear about it. Sleeper goes on as Brickhouse talks about Verne Gagne developing that move. I seem to remember it being Johnny Weaver but Gagne was certainly around first so maybe it was him. Then again it’s just a choke so it’s kind of a stretch to say any one person invented it.

A bridging belly to back gets two for Taylor but he walks into a tombstone for the same. Now we’re talking about the WCW Top Ten which was one of those things that was around for years but it never really meant anything. They head outside and Irwin is knocked off the ramp to the floor. Taylor takes over and drops a knee for two. Irwin chokes some more but gets caught in a sunset flip for two. A small package gets the same for Rooster Man, as does a rollup. Irwin puts him down with a spinebuster but doesn’t cover him properly, allowing Taylor to roll him up for the pin.

Rating: D-. What a boring match. Brickhouse, a guy that would have been in his mid 70s at this point, was by far the most interesting thing here. He seemed interested in being there and was talking wrestling almost the entire match, which is far more than you’ll get from most guest commentators. The match itself sucked as no one wanted to see it and neither guy did anything to make it better.

Tony brings out Sting to talk about his title defense later on tonight against Sid as well as the Black Scorpion. He’s tired of hearing about how big and bad Sid is and he just wants to start the fight now. Cue the Black Scorpion who is behind Sting on the stage as opposed to the platform Sting is on. Black Scorpion kidnaps some fan from next to the stage and puts her in a conveniently placed box/cage and makes her disappear. Then he pops up on the other side of the stage with the girl who Sting catches. There’s a reason this is considered the worst angle of all time.

J.W. Storm vs. Brad Armstrong

Armstrong is the Candyman which is another gimmick they gave him which was just a nickname that went nowhere. Storm is undefeated coming in and gets a good reaction. He’s 6’6 and in a leather jacket, which is taken off to reveal a good look. Why have I never heard of this guy? Storm blocks a hiptoss and kills Armstrong with a clothesline. Armstrong hits that perfect dropkick to send Storm out to the floor.

Storm comes back into the ring and charges right at Brad, taking him down with a clothesline. A big back elbow puts Armstrong down and it’s off to a chinlock. Brad fights out of it but gets caught in a hot shot for his troubles. Snap suplex gets two and a powerslam puts Brad down. Storm misses a dropkick and Armstrong hits a knee lift. They slug it out and mess up a rollup spot before Armstrong hooks a small package for the pin. Wait WHAT? That’s a huge surprise.

Rating: D+. This was a total head scratcher. Storm was undefeated coming in and was treated as a total monster for the whole match before a jobber to the stars pins him? This would be like Derrick Bateman getting repackaged and beating Tensai on Raw. I don’t get this one at all and I also don’t get why Storm didn’t get more of a push. He was in a jobber tag team called Maximum Overdrive but that’s about it. He had a great look and was a big guy who the fans seemed to be into. I don’t get it.

Southern Boys vs. Master Blasters

The Southern Boys are Tracy Smothers and Steve Armstrong while the Master Blasters are Blade and Steel. Blade is Al Green, a guy you might possibly remember as The Dog when WCW was dying. He was also part of a team called The Wrecking Crew in the early 90s which was nothing special. Steel on the other hand is Kevin Nash, who you may have heard of.

The Blasters look like the Road Warriors. Cornette comes out in a Confederate Army uniform for some reason and complains about the Armstrong Family, which you know is hilarious. Steve and Blade get us going with Blade being clotheslined to the floor. Cornette goes on a rant about how messed up the family is, including a bunch of stories about the odd family members. Off to Smothers who Cornette has stories about too. Nash comes in and is thrown to the floor with ease.

Cornette and Heyman are about to start the Civil War up all over again as Cornette is defending the south and Dangerously is standing up for the north. The Southern Boys try a double team move but even piling onto Steel they can’t get a two count. Cornette talks about how Smothers has some famous relatives: Rock Hudson, Liberace and Truman Capote. Here’s a hint about what they all have in common: they’re all gay (well maybe in Liberace’s case but he was certainly flamboyant).

Now Cornette goes on about how his granddaddy convinced Jefferson Davis to throw the Civil War because they didn’t want to have to live in New York once they took it over. Dangerously and Cornette go at it and JR sounds completely defeated trying to talk about the match. The Blasters run over everyone and HOKEY SMOKE NASH JUST GOT UP IN THE AIR ON A LEAPFROG! I mean he got WAY up there too.

Cornette goes to cheer on the Blasters as Dangerously has no idea what to make of him. Blade goes up but jumps into a boot. Back to Armstrong and JR calls Steel Rock for some reason. The Southern Boys hit their dropkick/spinebuster combination but Cornette interferes, allowing Blade to kill Armstrong with a clothesline for the pin.

Rating: D. The match sucked but the commentary is absolutely hilarious. When Cornette gets on a roll, there is almost no one in the world that can keep up with him. The match was a squash for the most part, but the Master Blasters never wound up doing anything. See, back in the old times, you would often have tag matches or even singles matches like these on PPV or TV. There’s no real point to them and the guys might not be going anywhere, but you set them up like this in case they might go somewhere. It was a good way of having a large amount of people to pick from, but it makes for some lousy PPVs.

Freebirds vs. Renegade Warriors

The Warriors are Chris and Mark Youngblood and they’re Indians. They’re also boring beyond belief, to the point that the HATED Freebirds are cheered coming to the ring. The Birds have jobber Rocky King as their roadie Little Richard Marley here. Hayes dances around to start before chopping Mark. The Youngbloods gang up on them and clear the ring so we can stall some more.

Off to Chris vs. Garvin with Jimmy suplexing him down and throwing him over the top to the floor while the referee isn’t looking. King gets in some weak offense on the floor and it’s off to a chinlock. Hayes comes in and it’s chinlock number two. That gets reversed into a sleeper but Hayes makes a blind tag to break up the hold. Back to Hayes so he and Chris can trade chops and punches. This is a really dull match so far.

Right back to the chinlock by Hayes to make sure this doesn’t get interesting. And the hold keeps going. And keeps going. This hold has been going for FOUR MINUTES. Shouldn’t Youngblood be legally dead by this point? If nothing else it’s certainly killing the crowd. Granted the rest of the match had already killed them but this is just pouring more and more dirt onto the grave.

They FINALLY get up and Hayes sets for the DDT, drawing the loudest pop since Sting was here. Remember that the Freebirds had been injuring a lot of people lately and were hated. That’s how bad the Warriors are. Either way it gets reversed and it’s off to Garvin. They head to the floor for nothing of note as this needs to end immediately. Hayes comes back in and drops an elbow for two before THE FREAKING CHINLOCK COMES BACK AGAIN! The announcers argue over Jon freaking Lovitz as Youngblood breaks the hold, only to have it put on AGAIN.

Hayes slams him down and goes up top for some reason. That gets him slammed down and it’s off to Mark. You would think the fans would cheer after a FIFTEEN MINUTE beating, but no one is all that interested. Everything breaks down and King gets in too. The referee puts him out and the distraction lets Hayes DDT Mark for the pin.

Rating: F. There were seven chinlocks in an 18 minute long match. The fans were loudly cheering for the hated heels. I think that sums up everything as well as anything else I could say. The Warriors really were that bad and the Birds didn’t help anything at all here. This was one of the most boring match I have ever seen, and that’s covering a lot of ground.

The Horsemen (Arn, Flair and Sid. The fourth is Barry Windham but he’s not here. Remember that because it becomes important later) warn Doom and Sting that they still have time to run before the belts come to the Horsemen.

US Tag Titles: Steiner Brothers vs. Nasty Boys

This is a BIG feud and the Steiners are defending. The Nasties had beaten down the Steiners and left them bloodied after the match was made, which was unheard of at this point. It’s a brawl to start and Scott gets hit with a chair. He and Sags go into the ring with Scott escaping the superplex. He runs up the corner and hits a belly to belly superplex to take Jerry down. The crowd is going NUTS for this whole thing.

Knobbs interferes and it’s Jerry in control as he starts with Scott. Scott comes back with a Tiger Driver and Rick comes in to clean the ring. The Steiner Bulldog KILLS Sags but Knobbs breaks it up with a chair shot as the referee is getting Rick out. Knobbs, the illegal man, gets two off that. A side slam puts Scott down and the Steiners are in trouble. Powerslam gets two.

They go to the floor and Sags drops a knee on Scott, who is in big trouble. Sags comes in legally and hits a pumphandle slam for no cover. Side salto gets two with Rick making the save. The Nasties switch without a tag again so it’s back to Knobbs for more beating. Abdominal stretch goes on and the cheating draws in Rick again so the Nasties can switch again. Sags puts on a bearhug to stay on the bad back.

Scott comes out of it with the natural counter: a belly to belly suplex. The tag brings in Rick who cleans house with the Steiner Line. Rick gets knocked over the top to the floor and the Nasties hit a spike piledriver on Scott. Rick is like screw that and pops Sags with the chair. The referee is really lax about these tags. Jerry is busted open but he brings in Brian to prevent the tag to Rick.

Knobbs puts the bearhug on again and rams Scott’s back into the buckle a few times. Sags puts on a Boston Crab but Scott does a pushup to break it up, but Knobbs breaks up the tag again. A reverse chinlock goes on but Scott breaks out of that too. The Nasties try to cheat again but Scott avoids a charge and hits the Steiner Line on Jerry. Hot tag to Rick and everything breaks down.

The Steiners start pounding on the Nasties but they both get thrown to the floor. Rick comes back in with a double top rope clothesline to send the Nasties to the floor, but it lets them beat up Scott while they’re out there. Scott pulls Sags to the floor again and Rick KILLS Knobbs with a Steiner Line. There’s the Frankensteiner and I don’t care who you are, in 1990 that means it’s over.

Rating: B. What a great brawl this was. If you cut about three minutes out of this it’s a classic. This is the match that made the Nasty Boys, but since this is WCW, the idea of signing them up was unheard of so they were in the Royal Rumble less than three months after this and winning the tag titles from the Hart Foundation in about six months. The match was good, but the Steiners were so far and away better than any other team in the world at this point that it didn’t matter who they were facing.

The Nasties jump the Steiners again, hitting them with the same belt shots that started the feud.

Junkyard Dog vs. Moondog Rex

Please make this short. The Dog sends the Moondog to the floor and it’s time to stall. Back in the ring and they collide before JYD does the all fours headbutts. Moondog looks nothing like he usually does. He doesn’t even have a bone with him. A chair is brought in but it doesn’t go anywhere. Rex pounds him down while Paul asks why Mr. and Mrs. Dog named their son Junkyard. Oh ok there is a bone there but it’s on the corner. The referee takes it from him and a headbutt by the Dog gets the pin. This was nothing.

Tony talks to Scott who says it’s the Nasties’ blood on his tights, not his own. The Nasties, dressed as concession stand workers for some reason, jump Scott and beat him down. Dangerously thinks it’s hilarious.

World Tag Titles: Doom vs. Ric Flair/Arn Anderson

Doom has the titles and are recently turned faces. Anderson and Simmons start things off and AA gets shoved around. Simmons suplexes him down and headbutts him to the floor, making the Horsemen take a time out. Back in and Flair hits a knee to the back, but the suplex Anderson hits is no sold. Simmons comes back with right hands and Reed hits a knee of his own the back of Anderson. Powerslam gets two for Big Ron.

Teddy Long slaps Flair and Dangerously freaks out. Naitch comes in to face Reed and it’s time to strut. Flair goes to the eyes and takes over on a power man like only he can. Reed comes back with punches of his own and Doom hits stereo gorilla press slams to take over again. It gets back to Reed vs. Flair in the corner and the chops just don’t work on him Ric.

Reed sends him into the corner and the Flair Flip lands on a cameraman.

Simmons pounds Flair up the ramp and the chops STILL don’t work. Back to ringside and the Horsemen are in trouble. Anderson comes in to face Reed but it’s quickly off to Simmons. The Horsemen finally realize they can’t overpower Doom so they do what they do best: cheat! Flair comes back in and now his chops work. Anderson’s spinebuster gets two on Ron. Back to Flair and it’s time to go after the knee. There’s the Figure Four (on the correct leg and everything) and they even cheat during that.

Simmons finally makes it to the rope but Anderson is right there to keep Ron in the ring. Ron fights back but his right hands only get him so far. A dropkick misses and they get into a test of strength on the mat, letting Arn do his jump in the air and crotch himself spot. Back to Flair and even with Simmons worn down he can’t drop him with a shoulder. To the floor and Flair gets sent into the barricade to give Simmons a chance.

A sunset flip on Arn doesn’t work as Anderson makes the tag to Flair on the way down. Simmons hits a kind of clothesline (looked more like a jumping fist) but AA stops the tag AGAIN. Simmons is finally like screw this and drills Anderson so he can make the tag to Butch. Everything breaks down and Reed kills Anderson with a top rope shoulder for two. DDT kills Reed but Simmons makes the save. They fight to the floor and it’s a double countout which isn’t that popular of a decision.

Rating: B. I was digging this match until the end, but it was really just a setup for the better street fight at Starrcade. Granted that had Windham and Anderson due to Flair having to do something else that night but it was still the Horsemen. Anyway, good match here but the ending was more or less just a setup for a street fight later on.

Stan Hansen breaks a pumpkin which represents Lex Luger.

US Title: Stan Hansen vs. Lex Luger

Luger has held the title for an insane seventeen months coming into this, a record which is about six months longer than anyone else ever. Luger goes nuts on Hansen to start and elbows him to the floor. Back in and Hansen takes it right back to the floor, sending Luger into the post. They head back in (again) and Lex slams him down but gets taken down with a headlock takeover. A charge misses Luger in the corner and Hansen lands on the floor.

Luger rams Hansen into the ramp a few times and heads back in to drop some knees. A snap suplex puts Stan back in control and an elbow drop gets two. Hansen hits a headbutt and bulldog for two. He goes up for some reason but misses an elbow. Luger comes back with a dropkick and pounds away on the challenger.

Elbow drop gets two as does a suplex. Hansen comes back but shoves a referee which doesn’t draw a DQ for some reason. The Lariat misses but Luger hits a clothesline of his own. Here’s Dan Spivey, Hansen’s protege, to throw in the cowbell. Luger avoids that and bulldogs him down. He calls for the Rack but walks into the Lariat for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. The match was a lot of punching and kicking, but to their credit they had Hansen win the title almost completely clean here. The weapon shot didn’t hit, Spivey didn’t touch Luger, the referee didn’t see anything at all and it was the Lariat that got the pin. Hansen would lose the title at Starrcade but this was a good surprise. The match was pretty dull though.

Teddy Long says nothing of note.

Missy Hyatt thinks Sid will win. I have no idea why she was here.

NWA World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Sting

Sid is a Horseman here. They talk some trash and Sid blasts him in the back, only to get caught by a cross body. Sid doesn’t go down, but puts Sting in a backbreaker instead. That gets no sold so Sting clotheslines him to the floor. Back in and Sid misses a clothesline, sending him up and over the top. Sid gets sent into the post and we head back inside. It’s a fast paced match so far.

Sting grabs the arm and cranks on it for awhile while we look at the crowd a bit. They go to the mat in a surprising move. Sid realizes how crazy it is to go to the mat when you’re almost seven feet tall and pops up with a clothesline to take over. JR calls Sid’s powerbomb (he was one of if not the first guy to popularize it in America) a version of a bodyslam. Another clothesline puts the champion down and gets a very delayed two.

Off to a nerve hold which is broken pretty quickly. Sting fights out of it but walks into a powerslam for two and it’s time for choking. Sting fights back again but misses the Splash in the corner. Sid hammers on him on the apron but Sting pops up to the top for a cross body, getting two. Sid takes him right back down and Sting goes out to the floor. Back to the apron and a forearm to the chest ala Sheamus gets two for Sid.

Sid goes back to the chinlock but the crowd is starting to wake up. Sting escapes but both guys miss elbows and it’s right back to Vicious in control. A bulldog out of nowhere put Sid down but Sid hits a big boot to send Sting to the apron. They fight up the ramp with Sting being left laying.

Sid goes to the ring and poses, so Sting charges, dives over the top, and takes the big man down. A dropkick puts Sid on the floor and Sting follows him out with a plancha. They fight into a convenient opening in the barricade as the Horsemen show up. Sid and Sting disappear but come back, only for Sting to pick Sid up for a slam, fall down and lose the title.

Rating: C-. The match was just ok with Sting doing what he could, but Sid’s offense was shall we say limited. He didn’t have the chokeslam yet for a secondary finisher so it was powerbomb or nothing. That being said, he never even tried for the powerbomb, which makes the ending kind of strange.

Oh and one more thing: that wasn’t Sting that got pinned. As Sid is celebrating and the fireworks are going off, Sting comes back with ropes around his wrist. He hits Sid with the belt, hits the Stinger Splash and hooks a small package to really win the match. The other Sting would be revealed as Barry Windham but it rally wasn’t that important.

Overall Rating: D+. This show isn’t the worst ever, but there really isn’t anything worth seeing. The Nasties match wound up being nothing, the Horsemen vs. Doom would be improved upon at the next PPV, the main event didn’t mean anything, and the rest of the card is pretty much worthless. The home video version, as usual, cuts down a lot of the awful stuff here and gives you a decent show. This isn’t a horrible show but there’s nothing worth seeing here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: July 12, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the beginning of the Age of Aries which is more astrology than I ever expected to use in this show. Aries beat Roode for the title on Sunday in a big upset but it worked very well. Also the people that attacked Sting are here tonight which should be interesting. TNA continued its roll on Sunday and hopefully they can get a new Impact streak going tonight. Let’s get to it.

Bully Ray vs. Joseph Park

This is the rematch after their match at whatever show that was. Slammiversary I believe? This is anything goes and Abyss is barred from the building. We start with some comedy stuff as Park puts his hands up like he did at the PPV, but Ray has had enough of the attorney and beats him down. He even tweets something during the match. Ray heads to the floor and gets some weapons in a trashcan. Park takes Ray down but takes too long getting a chair ready and Ray takes over.

Park makes a comeback with some rights and lefts but he gets caught by a big boot to the head. Ray heads to the floor and pulls out a bag of something. Ah it’s the classic bag of tacks and Ray asks for the mic. He says this is what he should have done to Abyss a long time ago. Park comes back with a cheese grater to the balls and a kendo stick shot to the head for two. He hits something like a chokeslam onto the tacks for two and Ray gets the chain. A shot to Park’s face with that gets the pin at about 6:00 (I missed the opening bell).

Rating: C. This was the only possible outcome they could have here. Park winning once on a fluke with Abyss helping was one thing, but when it was one on one there wasn’t much else they could do. This was exactly what you would expect it to be and there’s nothing wrong with that. Fun match and the right continuation for the feud.

The shot busted Park open and he freaks out about it. Ray charges at Park and runs into the Black Hole Slam. Park wakes up and doesn’t believe what just happened. Tenay: “Ray just brought out the monster in Park.” Subtle Mike.

Sting is in the back with the Dead Man’s Hand from last week. That should be interesting.

After a break Ray wants to know who that was. He beat Joseph Park, but who was that.

Here are the updated BFG Series Standings:

Samoa Joe 37

James Storm 36

Jeff Hardy 21

Kurt Angle 20

Magnus 14

Mr. Anderson 9

D’Angelo Dinero 7

Rob Van Dam 7

AJ Styles 7

Christopher Daniels 5

Bully Ray 0

Robbie E 0

Bound For Glory Series: Samoa Joe vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam has fewer points so he goes for a fast submission. Joe will have none of that and stands Van Dam up, taking his head off with a clothesline. Van Dam heads to the floor but gets caught in a dragon screw leg whip back inside. Joe fires off kicks and rolls into a heel hook. Snap powerslam sets up a cross armbreaker but RVD makes a fast rope. Van Dam makes a comeback and hits Rolling Thunder. Joe takes him down and puts on a modified figure four, but RVD counters into a small package for the pin at 4:54.

Rating: C+. This was another fun little match. Van Dam needs some points to get back in the tournament and a small package win over Joe is a fine way to do that. The idea of the match was that Joe was so focused on the submission that he left himself open to be pinned. That’s a basic idea but it worked very well. Good stuff here and it did a few good jobs at once, which is hard to do.

Clair says she has nothing to say.

Hogan is looking for someone.

Here are Daniels and Kaz for a chat. Kaz says that AJ thinks this is ending but it’s just the beginning. They’ve been feuding HOW MANY YEARS now and it’s just beginning? Daniels agrees that what AJ did at the PPV was wrong, but that’s what you have to expect from Styles. He has Clair come out and talks about how she’s gone through a lot, which made her make mistakes. Clair reached out for someone, and that someone wound up being AJ.

Cue Styles who tells Daniels to let it die. Daniels says that there’s something that Styles doesn’t know. He says that he (Daniels) and Clair have talked about this and that there’s something Clair wants to admit. Clair keeps trying to talk but AJ keeps cutting him off. Clair finally gets in and says that Daniels is right about AJ being the father of the baby. AJ says no he’s not and we go to a break.

AJ has no idea what’s going on.

Anderson talks about his match with Angle.

We recap the X Title tournament on Sunday with Ion getting the title. When Sorensen comes back and beats him, the roof is coming off the Impact Zone.

Dakota Darsow says he doesn’t like Ion and what he did on Sunday. Of all the people in the tournament, you pick THIS GUY to put on first?

Zema Ion vs. Dakota Darsow

Non-title. Ion points to his neck so Darsow goes after him. Darsow takes over for a second but gets sent to the apron. In a cool counter, Darsow hits a slingshot spear through the ropes to take Ion down again. Ion hits a Stunner on the top rope and a jumping DDT to take Darsow down and the snap Gory Bomb gets the pin at 2:22. Just a step above a squash.

Ion snaps Darsow’s arm post match. SWEET. Ion says that if Sorensen doesn’t want to see his friends get hurt anymore, he needs to realize that Ion is dangerous. When have Darsow and Sorensen been friends on camera?

Here’s Aries to celebrate his title win. He says this was a great moment for the wrestling industry and actually asks the fans to chill with the cheering so he can talk. It wasn’t in a rude way though. He talks about how wrestling has down cycles and then it booms. TNA is about to lead wrestling into the next boom. He’s gotten congratulations from a lot of people, including celebrities, NFL players, and world champions from other organizations. This is the most important title in wrestling now because he holds it.

Cue Roode who is so angry that he can barely speak. He tries to yell at Aries about having all of this now but he can’t get the words out. There goes his jacket and he shouts the word YOU a lot. He finally calls Aries a fluke and Aries says he may be a fluke, but he’s the champ. Roode freaks out and leaves. Good stuff here.

Sting and Hulk are in the back talking about the attack when D-Von and Garrett come in and says they’re offering protection in case the guys jump Sting again. All Sting has to do is say the word. Hogan says thanks but we’ve got it covered.

Angle talks about his match later tonight.

Madison talks about how she likes Hebner.

Knockout Title: Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher

Brooke Hogan is on commentary because I haven’t suffered enough today. Gail takes over to start and works on the arm of the champ. She hooks a belly to back suplex with a hammerlock slam at the same time. Gail hooks some kind of a hold on the arm, followed by Cattle Mutilation of all things. Tessmacher makes her comeback with a facejam out of the corner and that Russian legsweep into a clothesline gets two. A rollup gets two for Gail and she stomps away. Tessmacher knocks her down and hits a top rope elbow off the top to retain at 5:12.

Rating: D+. These girls are getting worse again. Tessmacher is someone who has charisma and looks good in those shorts of hers, but there’s no skill in the ring that I can see. She’s about as good as you can get at this point in her career as she was a model and dancer up to this point, but her matches are nothing to see. Gail was her usual self here.

Clair says she has proof that AJ is the father.

Magnus talks about calling out James Storm next week.

Bound For Glory Series: Kurt Angle vs. Mr. Anderson

Anderson takes him to the mat to start which is surprising. Angle gets put in an armbar but Kurt quickly breaks it. He takes over with a belly to belly as we take a break. Back with Anderson hitting a suplex to put both guys down. He hits a neckbreaker but Angle rolls the Germans. Angle Slam is countered and there’s the Regal Roll to Angle. That gets two and the Mic Check misses. Angle Slam gets two and there’s the ankle lock, which stays on for a LONG time. Anderson finally rolls out of it and there’s there Mic Check for two. With the bad ankle hindering him, Anderson walks into the Angle Slam for the pin at a time I didn’t get.

Roode rants to Hogan and Sting and it’s going to be Roode vs. Aries next week and if Roode wins, he gets the rematch for the title at Hardcore Justice.

Here’s Sting to close the show. He says it’s great to be back in the Impact Zone and calls out Hogan for his assistance. And there’s no Hogan. The music plays three times and there’s no Hulk. We cut to the back where Brooke is running off what appeared to be four masked guys who have jumped Hulk. Hogan says it’s his leg and the guys jump Sting in the arena. There are five of them here.

Overall Rating: C+. I wasn’t feeling this one. There was way too much focus on Sting and Hogan here and Aries, the guy leading the company into the new era, was on for what, six minutes? That’s not a good sign as while the Sting story is interesting, it’s not what the focus should be on in this company. Decent show overall and WAY better than last week, but it looks like the focus is shifting to the old guys again and that’s the last thing they want to do at this point.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

The show is officially later tonight and as usual I can barely remember most of the card.I’ll go with Roode to retain.  It’s a filler main event, but I don’t see any reason for him to lose the title.

Anderson over Hardy.  I flipped a coin.
AJ to lose to Angle due to being all messed up.

Now I have to look at the list of matches because that’s all I can remember.

The Robs take the title somehow because this feud hasn’t gone on long enough.

I’ll take the tag champs to retain.  They’re facing Daniels/Kaz.  I don’t remember hearing about it either.

Tessmacher to take the title.

Finally I’ll go with Aries over Ray because of Abyss.

Overall the show is 100% filler, although it looks better than Victory Road, but that isn’t saying much.

Thoughts/Predictions?

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 10, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Sacrifice and I don’t think much has been announced for the show. It’ll probably be more about RVD vs. Roode which hasn’t been built up all that well for the most part. I mean the material is there but it hasn’t really grabbed me yet. Either way the match is set for Sunday and it should be entertaining enough. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Roode to open the show and say his usual stuff. I’m sure you know this speech by now. He took out Anderson, Hardy and RVD last week because he’s the champion and that’s what he does. He’ll be the longest reigning champion in 14 days and no one can stop him, especially not RVD on Sunday.

Cue RVD for a brawl with Roode going to the floor. RVD holds up the belt and Anderson comes out to beat up Roode too. Hardy comes in and it’s a 3-1 beatdown. Hardy and Anderson get in a fight because that’s what they do. Cue Hogan who has an idea for a fatal fourway tonight with everyone in the brawl in it. If Anderson or Hardy win, they get the RVD’s title match. If Roode wins, he can pick which of the three he wants to face. If RVD wins, he gets to pick the stipulation. RVD says cool let’s do it. Well at least it plays up to the Sacrifice name. Too bad this is IMPACT and not Sacrifice.

Ray isn’t worried about the tiny man known as Austin Aries. He says he’s going to take care of Aries tonight so stay tuned.

Gail is panicking about her match with Brook while Madison gets ready. Madison wants to look perfect for some guy but won’t say who.

Velvet Sky vs. Brooke Tessmacher

Velvet sends her to the corner and shakes her hips. Brooke sends her to the corner and shakes her hips. Ok then. They do some basic stuff until Brooke knocks her into the corner and uses her hips to ram Velvet’s face. Velvet comes back and hits a basement dropkick but In Yo Face is countered. Brooke hits a drop toehold to send her into the buckle and that belly to back mat slam for the pin at 3:42.

Rating: D-. This was REALLY bad with both girls missing a lot of stuff. It looked like their stuff was missing too, which is what can usually be covered up by people with more talent than this. Also I get tired of the hip stuff quickly. We get it: you know how to shake your hips. Now do something else.

Gail comes out and Brook Eats Defeat.

AJ has no comment on the secret thing and is focused on Angle this Sunday.

Hardy is ready for the main event.

Matt Morgan vs. Crimson

Bully Ray jumps Morgan with the chain before Morgan can get into the ring. He adds in a chair shot to the head and says that’ll be Aries in a stoic voice. No match as Morgan is taken out on a stretcher.

Post break and Morgan is still being taken out. Crimson gets on the mic and says that week after week Morgan claims to be the man to break the streak. He makes the referee ring the bell and count to ten.

Crimson vs. Matt Morgan

Ten count, 39 seconds.

RVD talks about Greek mythology and choosing the life of the hero instead of the long peaceful one.

X-Division Title: Zema Ion vs. Austin Aries

Aries takes over to start with a seated dropkick and it’s out to the floor. Aries misses a double ax off the top rope and hits the barricade. Ion hits a big flip dive which gets two back in the ring. Backbreaker gets two. A middle rope moonsault gets knees so Aries clotheslines him to the floor. Suicide dive takes Ion out and back in, a Tajiri handspring leads to a back elbow on the mat for two. A pair of dropkicks sets up the brainbuster to retain at 4:16.

Rating: C. The match was fine but it was basically a squash. Aries has zero competition and hasn’t for months, which makes these matches pretty dull as there’s no drama at all. It’s good that he’s moving up to the regular midcard but they need to get the title off of him. It’s not that hard to do it either but for some reason they keep waiting on it.

Kaz is worried about revealing the secret but Daniels says it’s ok.

RVD is ready for the win tonight and he’ll win the title on Sunday.

Quick recap on the latest incarnation of Daniels vs. AJ.

Daniels and Kaz are in the ring and Daniels invites AJ out to set the record straight. Cue AJ who says that this is a mistake but Kaz cuts him off. Kaz says that he protected AJ and then saw what was in the envelope and he stopped realizing why he was protecting AJ. Kaz opens the envelope and it’s a photo of AJ and Dixie Carter holding hands. AJ says so what so we get another of AJ with his hands on her face. The third is of them kissing. Daniels drops the pictures and leaves AJ stunned.

TV Title: Robbie E vs. D-Von

D-Von clears the ring of Big Robbie to start and hits a Thesz Press with punches. Headbutt keeps E down but T pulls D-Von to the floor. That goes badly for the big guy and E gets clotheslined as he tries to jump D-Von. Spinebuster ends this in 1:13.

Robbie T powerslams D-Von post match to keep this feud going another week.

We go to Tennessee to hear from Storm about how he has no excuse to lose. He’s put a lot of work into everything on his farm and in wrestling and he’s never second guessed himself until now. He didn’t get the job done at Lockdown and it kills him.

If RVD wins, it’s a ladder match. Apparently this was revealed earlier.

Joseph Park needs help finding the ring.

D-Von challenges the Rob’s to a handicap match at Sacrifice.

We recap the Abyss Is Missing story and how Joseph is looking for him.

Here’s Joseph in the arena and he has issues getting in the ring. He says everyone here knows who he is and what he’s doing. Every lead he’s had has said find Bully Ray so he’s not going away. Joseph says that he might buy a ticket and come to Sacrifice on Sunday to watch the show. Why bother? You’ve walked into every show here for months now.

Ray comes out and yells, saying this isn’t a court room and that Joseph needs to get out. Joseph says that Ray lost to Abyss in Abyss’ last appearance, plus he lost to D-Von two weeks ago. Then last week a guy half of Ray’s size named Austin Aries beat Ray down. How is that bully thing working out for you Ray? Ray shoves Joseph down and leaves as Park smiles.

Anderson is looking forward to not having his match on Sunday.

We get a great moment in TNA history which is Hogan arriving and throwing The Band out.

Angle is ready for AJ.

We run down the Sacrifice card.

RVD is ready for Sacrifice.

Rob Van Dam vs. Bobby Roode vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Anderson

If Rob wins, Roode vs. Van Dam is a ladder match. If Roode wins, he gets to pick his opponent on Sunday. If Hardy or Anderson win, they get RVD’s spot. Everyone jumps Roode to start but Anderson shoves Hardy off. They fight to the floor so it’s RVD vs. Roode with the champ hitting a suplex as we take a break.

Back with Roode getting two off another suplex. Anderson comes back in and gets his spinning neckbreaker for two on RVD. Van Dam comes back with the split legged moonsault for the same result. He loads up the Rolling Thunder but Roode catches him in the spinebuster for two in a nice counter. Rob superkicks Roode into the corner but his monkey flip to Jeff is countered. Whisper in the Wind gets two on RVD. Rolling Thunder hits Hardy but Roode throws Van Dam to the floor. Twist of Fate and Mic Check to Roode followed by Anderson spearing Hardy to the floor. Five Star pins Roode at 8:30.

Rating: C-. That’s the longest match of the night and it ran less than nine minutes, about four of which were spent in a commercial. I don’t think anyone thought anybody but Van Dam was going to win here which is ok, but they should have set up the stipulation way earlier than this instead of waiting for three days to go before the PPV.

Post match RVD puts up a ladder and here’s Abyss on the stage. He whispers to the camera and says Joseph is getting too close to the fire and to back off before he gets burned.

Overall Rating: D+. This show didn’t work for me for the most part. There was WAY too much talking and a lot of this felt like they were getting ready for TV later instead of the PPV on Sunday. That’s a major problem this company has: they book for TV instead of their major shows which doesn’t make much sense.

Why would anyone want to pay money (which is what TNA”s goal is: to make money) if the focus is on TV instead of the PPVs? Some of the matches got built somewhat ok, but adding a ladder stipulation to the title match three days early is a bad idea as you had a month you could have built that up with. Either way, not a good show heading into a filler PPV.

Results
Brooke Tessmacher b. Velvet Sky – Belly to Back Mat Slam
Crimson b. Matt Morgan via countout
Austin Aries b. Zema Ion – Brainbuster
D-Von b. Robbie E – Spinebuster
Rob Van Dam b. Jeff Hardy, Bobby Roode and Mr. Anderson – Five Star Frog Splash to Roode

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 3, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s time for another TNA show but it’s hard to say where things go from here. We had Open Fight Night last week which was nothing special at all in my eyes. The end of the show was Eric Bischoff being covered in human waste and since he’s gone FOREVER, it doesn’t really give any indication of where things are going next. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of last week’s show.

Flair is in the ring complaining about Hogan and how Hulk ran Eric Bischoff out of the building. You spell his name R-i-c G-o-d F-l-a-i-r. That’s an awesome line. He calls out Hogan and eventually here’s Hulk. Flair says this is good vs. evil and Hogan is good, while Flair is the “most evil man in the planet.” Flair says he’ll get power back. Hogan says he isn’t here to fight him, but he’s here to step the game up. The real evil one is Eric though because he did everything. Hogan says he hung up his boots when the GM position came open and he’s here to make this the longest running company.

Hogan says he’s Flair’s boss and offers Flair a spot as a judge on the Gut Check stuff. So wait they had a guy come in and compete without having the judges already picked? Flair can teach anyone more than they could ever learn and he’d love Flair to head up the judging. Flair actually says he’ll do it.

Roode and RVD pick each others’ opponents tonight.

Velvet thinks Gail is a cheater. Tessmacher says she never got a shot.

Brooke Tessmacher/Velvet Sky vs. Madison Rayne/Gail Kim

Gail and Velvet start with Brooke being knocked to the floor. The May 31 time slot change is confirmed and there’s going to be a huge surprise on that show. Velvet gets double teamed and it’s Madison in now, humping the mat as usual. Back to Gail who hammers her down for two. A top rope rana is countered and Velvet comes off the middle rope with a bulldog kind of move to set up the tag. The ring gets cleared out and Brooke winds up hitting Eat Defeat on Gail for the pin at 4:45.

Rating: D+. How in the world was this almost five minutes? It felt like it came and went inside of thirty seconds, which doesn’t really surprise me as these matches are usually pretty forgettable. It’s been a very steady and basic build for Brooke vs. Gail and Gail needs to lose the title already anyway. The looks of the four girls are the highlights here again as usual.

Since we’re coming up on the ten year anniversary of the company, we get some clips of the previous ten years, including sabu showing up and costing Raven a title match against Jarrett which was a big deal at the time.

Here’s RVD to face whoever Roode picks for him. RVD says that he’s one of a kind and he’ll win the title from Roode. Cue Roode who says RVD always has his head in the clouds and was on a HIGHatus, and at Sacrifice RVD will be added to the list of everyone that Roode has beaten. Roode says RVD can announce Roode’s opponent first. RVD implies Storm for a bit but it’s Mr. Anderson. Roode picks Jeff Hardy.

TV Title: D-Von vs. Robbie T

This is fallout from Lockdown. Robbie jumps him in the corner and takes over quickly. He slams D-Von down for two but runs into a boot in the corner. D-Von comes back with his usual stuff like shoulders and punches. Swan Dive headbutt gets two. Robbie E is brought in and does nothing so D-Von spears T down. E hits him in the head with The List for the DQ at 2:45.

Snow and Flair meet in the back and the third judge is the Senior Vice President of Talent Relations: Bruce Pritchard (Brother Love).

After a quick recap of Silva’s performance last week, the judges talk with overly dramatic music playing. Pritchard and Flair aren’t thrilled but Snow pleads his case. Flair says he isn’t big enough so Snow suggests the X-Division. Flair still isn’t sold and Pritchard seems to have no idea what side he’s on. We’ll get the decision later I guess. So they sat there talking for four minutes for nothing?

Hogan tells Anderson his match tonight is No DQ and no countout.

Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam

They fight over a wristlock to start and RVD takes him into a rollup for two. Jeff sends him to the floor and hits a clothesline off the apron which gets two back in. Whisper in the Wind gets two. Van Dam takes out the knee and hits Rolling Thunder for two. Cue Roode with the belt but the referee sees him coming. Jeff gets sent into the ropes and Roode hits him in the back with the belt, allowing Rob to superkick Jeff down for the pin at 3:40.

Rating: D+. Bad match but it’s mainly because of how short the match was. With less than four minutes and a piece of that being spent on the referee yelling at Roode, they can only make it so interesting. Nothing to see here and I really don’t get the ending unless Roode hit Jeff by mistake.

Ray is walking through the back and runs into Joseph Park who says he’ll prove that Ray had something to do with Abyss’ disappearance. Ray shoves him away and threatens Park if he doesn’t back off.

JB says that he did what he did to Bischoff last week because of the last two and a half years of stuff he’s had to put up with. Bully Ray shows up and drags JB to the ring, saying they’ll talk about it out there. Out in the ring, Ray says that he’s tired of this anti-bullying nonsense and goes off on JB (never hitting him) about how JB is the kind of guy that guys like Bully pick on.

Cue Austin Aries who goes off on Ray, saying that Ray has picked on him for his size like everyone else has. Aries says that Ray was fat for most of his career and now he’s in shape and….Ray knocks the mic out of his hand and yells at Aries until Aries blasts him in the head. Aries beats him into the corner and beats him down in the corner. Security comes out to stop Aries and Ray kicks him low to end this.

Kaz and Daniels talk about getting the tag titles until Angle yells at them. They’re in a six man tonight. Angle isn’t thrilled about being their partner.

Roode isn’t worried about facing Mr. Anderson.

Kurt Angle/Christopher Daniels/Kazarian vs. Samoa Joe/Magnus/AJ Styles

AJ has those stupid black gloves again. The champs hit the ring and the brawl is on. Those four head to the floor so it’s AJ vs. Angle in the ring. This certainly works. AJ does the dropdown into a dropkick sequence but Daniels comes in to jump him. Angle doesn’t like it so he shoves Daniels into the corner. Joe comes in and pounds Angle down before tagging Magnus back in.

Kurt takes him down and we hit the chinlock. Magnus fights up and hits a clothesline for the tag to AJ. Styles cleans house and loads up the Clash but Daniels breaks it up with an enziguri. Everything breaks down and Magnus makes a blind tag. Daniels is sent to the floor with Magnus following him. Suicide elbow takes Daniels out. AJ sets for a dive but Angle picks the ankle and hooks the lock but Kaz tags himself in while the hold is on. Joe runs Angle into Daniels and Magnus breaks up Fade to Black, allowing Styles to hit the Clash on Kaz for the pin at 4:30.

Rating: C+. This was the best match on the show by about a mile so far. They were moving out there and while you had a bunch of angles going on in one match it was still entertaining. It’s going to continue Daniels vs. AJ which needs to end forever already but it also continues Styles vs. Angle which is good.

Daniels says next week, AJ needs to reveal the secret or he’ll do it himself.

Time for the Gut Check deal. Snow introduces the three judges (himself, Pritchard and Flair). This is straight out of a reality show as Silva stands there in a spotlight while the guys talk about him. Flair says no, Snow says yes, Pritchard says….something, and Silva gets thirty seconds to talk.

He’s from Quebec so he has a thick accent. This is his dream and he gets cut off with Flair saying to talk to them, not the marks. Silva says that he stands up for himself every single night and that he’s here for his contract. Flair says ok you’re in. Shouldn’t that do it? Pritchard says that sways him so it’s all three now and he gets a contract.

We run down the card for Sacrifice.

Mr. Anderson vs. Bobby Roode

This is No DQ. They start on the floor with Roode in control but Anderson sends him into the post. The Regal Roll puts Bobby down and we take a break. Back with Roode pulling the referee in front of him as a shield and then hitting a low blow to take over. Out to the floor again and Roode knocks Anderson around. Roode gets a chair and slides it in where it gets wedged between the top and middle rope.

Since this is a wrestling match, Anderson sends Roode into it instead. Anderson makes the comeback and hits the high kick for two. Mic Check is broken up and Anderson charges into a boot. Roode counters another Regal Roll into a spinebuster for two. Here’s Hardy out of nowhere to beat up Roode but as he goes to get Anderson up he takes the Mic Check. There’s another Sacrifice match I guess. Roode hits Anderson with the chair and this the fisherman’s for the pin at 11:10, a lot of which was in a commercial.

Rating: C. Not bad here but it was more to set up Anderson vs. Hardy than to do anything about Van Dam vs. Roode. At least it broke ten minutes which helps a bit but the match was nothing great at all. Roode needs time to make his matches better and since he didn’t have that here, the match suffered.

Roode lays them both out with the chair until Van Dam comes in for the save. Roode leaves but comes back to beat down RVD, hitting a DDT onto the chair to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This one missed for me. It wasn’t that the show was bad but much more that it was boring. I didn’t like the Silva stuff for the most part and that was pretty much the main focus of the show. There was less Hogan tonight which helped and while it wasn’t annoying like last week, I just kept wanting the show to move along. The really short matches other than the main event didn’t help things either. Not a horrible show but it didn’t work that well for me.

Results
Brooke Tessmacher/Velvet Sky b. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne – Eat Defeat to Kim
D-Von b. Robbie T via DQ when Robbie E interfered
Rob Van Dam b. Jeff hardy – Superkick
AJ Styles/Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Christopher Daniels/Kazarian/Kurt Angle – Styles Clash to Kazarian
Bobby Roode b. Mr. Anderson – Fisherman’s Suplex

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