Impact Wrestling
Date: June 1, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re about a month away from Slammiversary 2017 and that means we need to really build up the card. While a lot of it is likely going to be set up during the upcoming India shows, we have a main event already set as Ethan Carter III will challenge Lashley for the World Title in a match that I’m sure won’t be changed. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of last week, including Scott Steiner returning to join Josh Matthews against JB and Joseph Park at Slammiversary and Carter becoming #1 contender.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Ethan Carter III with a barbershop quartet (in snappy hats) plus a violinist and bass player to sing his theme song. They also sing that he’s the #1 contender, which nobody can deny. Ethan talks about getting ready for the biggest fight of his life before having the group sing a goodbye song to Lashley.

Cue Alberto El Patron but before that can go anywhere, Karen Jarrett, Bruce Prichard and Dutch Mantel, flanked by Tyrus, cut them off. Bruce says it’s not going to happen this way so he makes El Patron vs. Carter tonight for the GFW Title and the shot at Lashley inside a cage. The other three never said a word and really didn’t need to be there.

The show heads to India next week.

Grand Championship: Moose vs. Eli Drake

Moose is defending and Drake has Chris Adonis with him. Mantel, Prichard and Scott D’Amore are guest judges here for no apparent reason. The champ kicks him in the face at the bell and tosses Drake into the corner with ease. Drake starts in on the knee and works it over before grabbing a Figure Four to take us to the end of the first round.

Eli wins round 1 and goes right after the knee again to start the second. Josh completely ignores the match to talk about the upcoming tag match at Slammiversary. The leg is wrapped around the post but Moose pulls Drake into it as the announcers bicker about commentary. Back in and Moose dropkicks him off the top to set up a backsplash and moonsault. The knee is too banged up for the cover though and round 2 ends as we take a break.

Back with Moose being announced as the winner, sending Adonis over to yell at the judges. They slug it out at the bell for round 3 with Moose getting the better of it and hitting his chokebomb for two. Drake comes back with some kind of a throw for two of his own. Moose slugs him right back drop but Adonis grabs the foot, allowing Moose to hit whatever he calls White Noise as the clock expires at 9:00. Moose retains via split decision.

Rating: C+. Same as always: it’s a fine match that really doesn’t need the rounds and doesn’t need the nine minute time limit. As usual Drake continues to look better in the ring almost every time but he needs to actually win something of note. Moose is being built into something interesting and when someone finally takes the title off of him, it might actually be a big deal.

We look back at Rosemary saving Allie.

Allie isn’t sure why Rosemary helped her but Rosemary comes up to freak her out even more. Rosemary says she heard something crying out and she knew Allie needed protection.

Impact will hold a house show on August 5 in Staten Island. I’ll believe it when the opening bell rings.

Matt Sydal talks about tonight’s X-Division Title match with Low Ki defending against Andrew Everett.

Swoggle is in the front row.

Allie vs. Amber Nova

Nova is billed from the Garage (Gradge?) and wears a rather small outfit. Allie shoves her away to start but eats a knee in the corner. The comeback doesn’t take long as Allie starts overcoming her self confidence issues and hits some clotheslines. A lot of shouting sets up a running Death Valley Driver to pin Nova at 3:34. Allie hugs everyone, which totally isn’t a Bayley knockoff in the slightest.

Rating: D+. Allie as TNA’s version of Bayley is fine as she’s certainly popular with the crowd and it’s nice to have her actually win something for a change. It would be nice to have her win a blowoff match against Laurel Van Ness to FINALLY end the story but odds are this gets dragged out even further for some reason. Nova wasn’t bad but you can only see so much out of a three and a half minute match.

Joseph Park and JB arrive in a golf cart.

GFW Tag Team Titles: LAX vs. Veterans of War

Tournament final with LAX’s Impact Tag Team Titles not on the line and no disqualifications. The rest of LAX comes in to help with an early beatdown (makes sense) but leaves after only a few seconds. Wilcox shrugs Ortiz off and brings in Mayweather for a big hiptoss as LAX takes a breather on the floor. Santana sneaks in from behind to clip Mayweather’s knee though and LAX takes over for the first time.

The beating begins in the corner with Ortiz stomping away and Mayweather taking out the knee for more of the same. Mayweather finally comes back with a Downward Spiral to get a breather The hot tag brings in Wilcox to clean house with the heavy clotheslines. Everything breaks down and Konnan hits Mayweather in the knee with a bat, allowing Homicide to blasts Wilcox in the back with a title belt. The Street Sweeper gives LAX the titles at 6:56.

Rating: D+. NOW UNIFY THE THINGS AND NEVER MENTION THE GFW TITLES AGAIN! That being said, this was a big disappointment as the VOW have already lost a match which is likely setting up a rematch at Slammiversary. I mean, it would have made sense to have them both have a title and unify them at the pay per view but this company has far bigger problems than that.

Park and JB have a really lame psych up segment and Park says it’s time to train. JB: “Have you lost your d*** mind?”

X-Division Title: Low Ki vs. Andrew Everett

Low Ki is defending and Sonjay Dutt is on commentary. The champ is in a suit to continue an idea whose origins probably don’t remember in the first place (yes I know what it is). They trade kicks to start with Low Ki getting the better of it and headbutting Everett into the corner. Everett is sent outside and Low Ki yells at Dutt as we take a break. Back with Low Ki in control and pulling Everett off the middle rope for two. We hit an abdominal stretch but Everett slips out and kicks him away.

A bad looking hurricanrana sends Low Ki into the middle turnbuckle, followed by a running shooting star for two. Everett goes for a springboard but completely botches it (calling Maffew, come in Maffew), landing about four feet away and giving Low Ki two off the crash. Andrew shoves him off the top and tries the shooting star, only to have it land on knees. The running dropkick into the corner sets up the Warrior’s Way to retain the title at 13:45.

Rating: C. The botch aside, this wasn’t the worst match in the world but they might as well have held up a big sign counting down to the start of Dutt vs. Low Ki for the title. That’s not a bad thing but it made this match seem a bit like a waste of time. Everett seemed primed and ready to win the title but somehow we’ve moved on to two guys from the original days of Impact for reasons I don’t want to fathom.

Low Ki yells at Dutt.

Lashley wants to make Impact great.

Spud jumps Swoggle and beats on his knee with a hammer. Josh: “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS???” I’m not sure why I’m so amazed every time Josh asks these stupid questions but it happens every time. Swoggle’s eye is busted and the fans call Spud a stupid idiot.

GFW Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Ethan Carter III

Patron is defending inside a cage and the winner faces Lashley at Slammiversary. Alberto starts kicking away (common trend tonight) but gets sent into the cage. A DDT gets Alberto out of trouble but Carter is right there to cut off an escape attempt. One heck of a Samoan drop off the cage plants Alberto and we take a break.

Back with Carter hitting a charge in the corner, only to get caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. A sitout electric chair faceplant gives Carter two but Alberto is up with a middle rope Backstabber to pull him off the corner. Alberto starts in on the arm with a Codebreaker and the cross armbreaker goes on in the middle of the ring.

Carter gets out again and the TK3 gets two more. A Batista Bomb lets Carter get to the middle of the cage but Patron pulls him down and hits a top rope double stomp from the top of the cage (FREAKING OW MAN). Since that’s not enough, Alberto adds a top rope splash for the pin at 17:40.

Rating: B-. Well I’m shocked. They’ve been setting up El Patron vs. Lashley II since the week after El Patron debuted and I don’t know how many people bought the idea of Carter getting the shot after all those weeks of talking about how the GFW Title was the golden ticket. Also, aside from the ending, there was no reason for this to be in a cage and it’s not like they had any chance to hype it up because, as is the case in way too many wrestling companies, they announced it at the beginning of the show and had the match an hour and a half later.

Overall Rating: B-. It’s amazing what happens when this show has something to build towards. After all the months of running around like seahorses on bicycles, they’ve FINALLY got something to go for instead of just doing the same things over and over again to little avail. The GFW stuff isn’t interesting and there’s no reason for a show with two hours of TV a week to have multiple titles for almost every division but at least they have something to focus on, which helps so much. Much better show here and the direction has so much to do with that.

Results

Moose b. Eli Drake via split decision

Allie b. Amber Nova – Death Valley Driver

Low Ki b. Andrew Everett – Warrior’s Way

Alberto El Patron b. Ethan Carter III – Frog splash

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: May 19, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re back to Orlando as Impact is featuring the X-Division again, this time in an Ultimate X match. Other than that we have the fallout from Alberto El Patron winning the GFW World Title last week, which is now the top story in the promotion as Lashley doesn’t seem to defend his TNA World Title anymore. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of LAX disrespecting the fallen Decay and promising to win the GFW Tag Team Titles. The Veterans of War came out to clean house. We also see a clip of El Patron winning the title.

Preview of Ultimate X.

Opening sequence.

GFW Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: LAX vs. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr.

So the Impact Tag Team Champions are in this tournament too? Didn’t they learn anything from the WCW/NWA Tag Team Title mess in 1992? It’s a brawl to start with LAX being sent outside for stereo moonsaults from Kid and Jr. Back in and Ortiz stomps on Kid in the corner until a crossbody drops the champ.

A Death Valley Driver connects on Laredo but Jr. tagged himself in so there’s no count. Everything breaks down with Garza getting beaten down, including a few cheap shots from Homicide. It’s nice for him to earn his check like that. Or the pile of office supplies that TNA probably used to pay him.

Santana kicks Garza in the back for two but he tells LAX to stop so he can strip…..and they’re nice enough to let him. After that ridiculous moment, Laredo comes in to speed things up. Santana and Laredo clothesline each other and we take a break. Back with Ortiz getting catapulted into a superkick, followed by a Lionsault for two. Diamante grabs a hurricanrana to take out Garza, leaving Laredo Kid to take a Canadian Destroyer and the Sweet Sweeper for the pin at 12:02.

Rating: B-. Good match here as they continue the solid wrestling around here. I’m not sure when that started happening but I’m hoping they keep it up. Now if only we can unify the titles or just drop one set of them as there’s no reason to have two tag team titles around here (or anywhere for that matter).

JB’s fans mock Josh but there’s no JB in sight.

Magnus comes up to Bruce Prichard in the back and wants to know what’s going on around here. Why is Bruce messing with Magnus’ career? Bruce says Magnus is out of the picture now (so much for rematch clauses) but Magnus promises to do something about it.

Video on Laurel Van Ness bringing in Kongo Kong (who she found…..somewhere) to take care of Braxton Sutter and Allie.

Kongo Kong vs. Braxton Sutter

Sutter ducks the fat man offense to start and slips out of a powerslam. That’s about it for him though as a belly to belly crushes Braxton. Kong shouts a lot as Laurel is playing with lipstick. Braxton avoids the Cannonball in the corner and hammers away but can’t drop the big man. Clotheslines and a bicycle kick don’t put him down so Kongo splashes him in the corner, followed by an Emerald Flowsion for the pin at 3:20.

Rating: D+. Not bad here but Kong continues to be disappointing in the ring. I love what Laurel is doing but if this doesn’t end with Sutter and Allie standing tall, I have no idea what they’re going for here. Those two should be one of the harder pushed acts in the company and instead they’re jobbing in midcard matches. I don’t quite get that.

Post match KM and Sienna come in and beat on Sutter while Allie is forced to watch. Mahabali Shera comes in for the save. Did I mention they’re going to India for tapings soon? Sutter issues a challenge for a tag match next week.

We look back at last week’s X-Division triple threat with Andrew Everett getting the win.

Matt Sydal loves the competition around here.

Video on the history of Ultimate X. This is cool, but it would be nicer if I believed any of these people had a chance of moving up the ladder to the main event scene.

Karen Jarrett makes Eddie Edwards/Alisha vs. Davey Richards/Angelina Love for next week. Magnus walks by and doesn’t pay any attention to her.

We look at EC3 whipping James Storm. That was quite the segment.

Ethan Carter III vs. James Storm

Well that’s…..sudden. Magnus is on commentary. Storm brings in his own strap but opts to clothesline Carter in the corner instead. The referee pulls Storm away so Carter can hit him from behind to really take over. Ethan is smart enough to go after the injured back before switching to the knee for no logical reason.

We hit the chinlock for a bit as the announcers discuss who may or may not be a stooge. A running knee to the back sends Storm outside but James gets in a kick to the side of the head. Magnus won’t let him use the strap though, drawing out Prichard to eject him. Back from a break with Carter working on a half camel clutch and slapping Storm in the back. That has no effect either so Storm grabs a neckbreaker, only to get crotched on top. The TK3 drops Storm and it’s strap time but Carter shoves the referee for the DQ at 14:55.

Rating: D+. I know we’re coming up on a rematch between these two, likely with the strap involved at Slammiversary, but this was an awkward choice for the followup to last week’s angle. Not only was Storm mostly fine but he didn’t seem to really want to hurt Carter. That should have set up a big brawling segment and instead it was mostly a regular match. Not the most logical move here.

Carter whips the referee but Storm makes the save, only to have Magnus come in and beat him down. That’s not cool with Carter so he argues with Magnus. Bruce Prichard comes out again and makes a triple threat for next week. Prichard isn’t done yet as he tells Carter to go find his testicles, earning himself a shove to the mat.

Spud is coming for Swoggle next week.

GFW Women’s Title: Sienna vs. ODB

ODB is challenging. Sienna wastes no time in throwing her to the floor before they trade splashes in the corner. The head shoves into the crotch have Sienna in trouble but the middle rope Thesz press misses. Sienna pounces her for the pin at 2:45. This was nothing.

The announcers bicker until JB comes out, carrying a microphone. JB has hired an attorney and he’s back around here full time. The attorney is Joseph Park, who I believe we established WASN’T A REAL ATTORNEY BECAUSE HE’S ABYSS. JB is back on commentary so Josh bickers with Park, who he calls Abyss. Park: “You get my insides burning just like my aunt’s famous chili.” A challenge is issued for a tag match if Josh can find a partner for Slammiversary. We have to listen to this build for another SIX WEEKS. Josh leaves to find a partner now and JB takes his place.

We look back at Patron winning the title last week.

Patron is happy to have won and praises Magnus’ skill.

X-Division Title: Low Ki vs. Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett

Low Ki is defending and this is Ultimate X, basically meaning a ladder match where you have to crawl across ropes instead of climbing in the middle. The champ is in a suit again and kicks away to start but gets sent into the metal structure that holds the cables when he tries to get the belt. Everett scores with the Frankendriver but Lee shoves both of them off the apron and into the barricade.

Back from an early break with Low Ki down, leaving Lee to send Everett into the corner again. Lee throws the champ outside again as the announcers ignore the match to talk about what we’re seeing next week. Everett is alone in the ring so of course he goes with a springboard shooting star press instead of grabbing the title. For some reason Low Ki is up first so Everett dropkicks him down.

Lee throws a chair to knock Everett off the ropes….but it bounces back and hits him in the head too. Low Ki gets back in and punches the chair into Lee’s face, only to eat the standing double stomp. Somehow the champ is up first again and he takes off the jacket to make things even more serious.

Everett ties him up in the structure but here’s Gregory Helms with a super swinging neckbreaker to drop Everett again. Lee stands on Helms’ shoulders and goes for the belt but OF COURSE Low Ki is back up for the save. The champ goes to the top of the structure and drops through the middle, knocks down both challengers and retains the title at 17:15.

Rating: B. Good match, Low Ki’s selling issues aside. This is the kind of thing that the X-Division thrives at but they really need a singles feud that lasts a long time and actually sets up a one on one match. Everett winning the title at Slammiversary would make sense, but they seemed to be setting up Sonjay Dutt for that role instead. Still though, fun match here and hopefully we get Lee vs. Everett in a big blowoff soon.

Overall Rating: B-. Maybe the Jarretts really were the answer, as this show keeps getting better week after week. There’s still a lot of things that need to be fixed (like waiting six weeks for the second blowoff to Josh vs. JB) but what they’re doing well, they’re doing very well. I don’t have a ton of faith in them keeping this going but I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.

Results

LAX b. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. – Street Sweeper to Kid

Kongo Kong b. Braxton Sutter – Emerald Flowsion

James Storm b. Ethan Carter III via DQ when Carter hit the referee

Low Ki b. Andrew Everett and Trevor Lee – Low Ki pulled down the belt

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: March 2, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

We’re in a weird spot here as this is the final taping before the promotion is completely overhauled into Jeff Jarrett’s new vision. It’s also the final show for a lot of talent, including the Hardys who have publicly stated they’ve left the company. Other than that we have Lashley defending the World Title against Josh Barnett. Let’s get to it.

Knockouts Title: Jade vs. Rosemary

No intro and Madison Rayne is on commentary. Jade is challenging and this is Last Knockout Standing. They start brawling in the aisle with Jade grabbing some German suplexes inside. Madison: “I think Jade knows it’s going to take more than some German suplexes to keep Rosemary down.” That’s the kind of commentary that people mock Madison for but I’m sure Josh will say she’s the best female commentator ever.

The weapons are brought in and Rosemary chokes Jade over the ropes. A short range Coast to Coast drives a garbage can into Jade’s face for a seven but Jade swings away with a kendo stick. Madison keeps prattling on until Pope cuts her off as Jade powerbombs Rosemary onto the can.

Jade comes off the top and dives into the mist and a Red Wedding (F5) for another near fall. Back up and Jade is knocked to the floor and another Red Wedding outside gets nine. Rosemary gets posted and Jade washes her eyes out before powerbombing the champion onto the steps. That’s still not enough to finish things off so Rosemary mists her again. A third Red Wedding on the stage retains the title at 11:09.

Rating: C. Jade hit a big move, Rosemary hit a big move, Jade hit another big move, Rosemary used the mist, Madison got really annoying every time she talked. This was entertaining while it lasted but it was also a very formula based match and a result we’ve seen so many times already. Rosemary really needs a new opponent and if it’s not Allie, I have no idea what they’re going for.

Moose wants Cody.

Matt Hardy has brought the family to his zoo for a day of togetherness. On top of that though, Matt wants to see how Jeff can handle his new found powers.

Moose calls Cody out for a fight and he doesn’t care what club he’s a part of. Cody comes in from behind as Josh rips on Moose for getting involved in Rhodes Family business. Moose fights back and powerbombs some production guys before getting into it with Cody again on the ramp. Wrestlers try to break it up and here’s Brandi to yell at Cody to stop. Cody agrees but beats up Josh Matthews instead. Well I’m a fan.

James Storm vs. Jesse Godderz

Josh is back on commentary and talking about his dedication to the job to be back. Tony Schiavone and Jim Ross would be out of action for months you see. Oh….joy. Storm jumps Jesse to start and grabs a belly to belly. It’s off to the Adonis Lock but here’s Kingston for a distraction so James can take out the knee. Josh: “I could have used someone like Kingston earlier when Cody was out here!”

We hit a quickly broken leglock as Josh is now insulting Jeremy Borash. Jesse fights up with a clothesline and gets two off a Blockbuster. Now we get to hear about Josh’s in-ring career (He was undefeated. Like a certain other heel commentator at Wrestlemania perhaps?) as Kingston gets inside. Jesse suplexes him and grabs another Adonis Lock to make Storm tap behind the referee’s back. Cue Bram to chair Jesse, setting up the Last Call for the pin at 6:30.

Rating: D. So you have two problems here and I’ll let you pick which is worse. First up, we have Matthews running his mouth non-stop and becoming the heel character who will be on the show for two hours straight every single week. Second, we have the DCC needing three weeks and cheating to beat Jesse Godderz, which is supposed to be a big deal. I really, really hope they make a change to commentary because Pope as the lead face and Josh as a heel isn’t going to work.

X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett

Lee is defending. Everett doesn’t waste time and gets in an early Pele to send Lee outside for a big flip dive. Another big flip dive takes Lee down again and a top rope Asai Moonsault has Lee reeling. Back in and Lee does his running C4 and hammers away but the announcers are arguing about something changing next week.

Lee stomps away in the corner and gets two off a clothesline as Josh tells Pope to cut out the comedy. A springboard missile dropkick puts Lee down but Everett can’t follow up. The hurricanrana driver plants Lee but Gregory Helms grabs the referee at two. Everett chases Gregory off and tries the shooting star which hits raised knees. Lee grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin to retain at 7:11.

Rating: C-. Everett was a good looking flipper and that’s about it. The Helms thing feels like an X-Division version of Ric Flair and HHH which isn’t the most interesting thing in the world. At least we had some entertaining stuff here but the division is in need of (another) overhaul and I don’t know if I believe TNA is going to do it.

Matt tells Jeff to feed a donkey named Vincent Van Gogh. Vincent tells him to get a shark and keep it in a salt water pool. Jeff has a pre-mo-nition that says they’ll be outnumbered in an upcoming fight. Everyone grabs Vanguard I and it’s time for the next trip on the Expedition of Gold.

Back from a break and the Hardys arrive at an undisclosed arena.

After a look at Lashley and Barnett warming up, the Hardys are backstage and demanding a shot at the National Tag Team Titles of the World. Senor Benjamin asks the #1 contenders (apparently named the Appalachian Outlaws, who won a sixty four team tournament) for their autographs and then electrocutes them. The Hardys offer to replace them and agree to work without being paid.

The match is made and turns into a hardcore brawl in the back with Matt being left alone. Jeff is stuck in the back getting beaten down by the Outlaws but Jeff and Benjamin bust out the fireworks. The Outlaws bail and Jeff comes back to the ring for the win and the titles, setting up a big celebration.

Drew Galloway comes up to Moose in the back and offers him a shot tonight.

Long recap of last week’s wedding.

Laurel is in the back, crying and screaming, still wearing the wedding dress and holding the champagne.

Global Title: Moose vs. Drew Galloway

Galloway is defending and kicks Moose in the face to start before it quickly goes outside. Drew gets the better of it and sends Moose into the steps, setting up the Celtic Cross onto said steps for a near countout. The bell saves Moose but he still loses the first round. The second round begins after a break with Moose kicking Drew in the face and running him over as a bonus. A moonsault gets two on the champ so he bails up the ramp, only to get caught like you would expect.

Something like an AA (not a Death Valley Driver) onto the apron drops Moose again but he powerbombs Drew onto the apron as well. Again it’s nearly a countout but this time Moose wins to tie the score. To continue the theme, they kick each other in the face to start the round. Moose is back up with the Game Changer for two but Galloway hits a Claymore and a Tombstone for the same. They slug it out with Moose getting the better of it and no selling another Claymore. A second Game Changer takes us to the end of the match at 15:13. Moose wins on a split decision and Josh starts complaining.

Rating: B-. This is mainly due to Galloway leaving and needing to get the title off of him in time. Now in theory that should have been done with the Hardys as well but you can’t expect TNA to get something right twice in a night. Anyway, they beat the heck out of each other here and Moose winning is the right idea, especially with a good performance like that. I’m not wild on Drew leaving but you have to get the title off of him here and that’s exactly what they did.

Drew throws a chair.

We get the same Barnett video from last week.

TNA World Title: Lashley vs. Josh Barnett

Lashley is defending and gets kicked in the head for his efforts. More kicks have Josh in control but Lashley takes him to the mat as we go to a break. Back with Lashley taking a jumping knee to the chest but grabbing an armbar to slow things down. The spear is countered into a cross armbreaker attempt but Lashley is in the ropes. Barnett’s keylock is countered and a spear gives Lashley the pin at 9:21.

Rating: D+. That’s an edited ending as there was originally a screwy finish with Barnett getting the pin but having it reversed a few moments later. As it is, this was little more than Lashley’s latest uninteresting test as Barnett doesn’t have much standing in TNA and his debut promo was weak at best. Just a match really and not a very interesting one, as is often the case with MMA style wrestling matches.

A preview of next week’s show with a list of names appearing (nothing out of the ordinary) takes us out.

Overall Rating: D+. And that’s it for this version of TNA. The big development here seems to be Josh Matthews doing his best Michael Cole impression. That character got old fast and Cole is FAR more enjoyable to hate than Matthews so I give this a good week before he’s the most annoying person in wrestling. Unfortunately it’s not in the good way but rather the “I’m not going to watch the show anymore because he’s driving me crazy” way that I’m sure a lot of fans will reach soon.

As for something resembling a season finale, it was fine enough with the Grand Championship changing hands and a main event with some resolution. I liked the show well enough, even though it’s not a show that is really going to mean anything going forward. When so much of the roster is gone and there’s a good chance a lot of it will be adjusted, there isn’t much of a point to this one. Still though, not horrible and that’s fine for what this was supposed to be.

Results

Rosemary b. Jade – Red Wedding on the stage

James Storm b. Jesse Godderz – Last Call

Trevor Lee b. Andrew Everett – Rollup with a handful of trunks

Moose b. Drew Galloway via split decision

Lashley b. Josh Barnett – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: November 24, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

It’s a holiday show and that means a lot of things could happen. In this case we’re also going to bear witness to Matt Hardy’s Ice Cream Social because this show is whatever the Hardys come up with to be all zany. As far as wrestling goes, we’ve got Ethan Carter III vs. Eli Drake with title shot vs. Drake being allowed to talk on the line. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the DCC attacking and defeating Eddie Edwards and Jeff Hardy last week.

Here’s Jeff to open things up in the arena. Jeff says today is all about family and while he’s not at home, the Creatures are still his family. As much as Jeff wants to jog Matt’s memory, he needs to deal with the DCC right now. Cue the DCC on screen to say they’re many, and can destroy the obsolete later tonight in a No DQ match. The unmasked men come to the ring but Jeff gets in a few shots and bails like a wise man.

At the Hardy Compound, Senor Benjamin is reading an adult magazine and Vanguard I is drinking lemonade. Matt goes off to set up for the Ice Cream Social and Vanguard I is worried that Matt will never get his memories back.

Andrew Everett/Trevor Lee/Marshe Rockett vs. Go For Broke vs. Rockstar Spud/Decay

Elimination rules meaning all three have to be eliminated (And NO, this isn’t TNA using a WWE idea. I need to stop being a WWE fanboy and shut up and enjoy this amazing concept!) and non-title since there isn’t a title for this Team X Gold thing. Mandrews, Steve and Lee start things off with the Brit cleaning house.

Spud comes in and gets slammed by six different people without an ejection because the rules are only enforced when it’s convenient. Abyss even gets in a slam on Spud because well why not. A missile dropkick puts Abyss down but Mandrews’ followup doesn’t work quite so well as he crashes to the floor. Abyss hits him with a chair and that’s a DQ. Oh wait it’s an EJECTION instead of a DQ. Ignore the whole rules being broken because apparently DQ’s have been replaced by ejections.

Mandrews taps out to a crossface chickenwing a few seconds later and Josh goes on a limb suggesting that the team with three members is in control at the moment. Everett moonsaults onto Steve for an elimination, only to get caught in the DJZ for an elimination almost immediately thereafter. So it’s DJZ/Sutter vs. Lee/Rockett vs. Spud. Sutter’s Flatliner gets rid of Lee but Spud and Rockett get in an argument over who gets to beat up DJZ. Unfortunately Spud realizes he has no partners left so it’s a kick to Spud’s face and a Rock Bottom for the elimination. Another Flatliner gives Sutter the final pin at 8:07.

Rating: D+. This is one of the dumbest concepts TNA has ever had and that’s saying a lot. There’s no structure, the rules make little sense (Hitting someone with a chair in front of the referee is a DQ. Stop trying to make this more complicated than it is.) and one team has completely dominated the whole thing. I really don’t get what they’re going for here but it’s falling really, really flat.

Allie is playing with dolls and talking about Thanksgiving when Maria and Laurel Van Ness come in. They rip on Allie for being stupid and Maria says Allie will be serving them dinner on their double date. Are we just supposed to forget Allie standing up to Maria a few weeks ago?

Matt says his food will make Robert Irvine’s cooking obsolete, sending Vanguard I a shot of hope. The first guest, a referee, comes up and has some tapes to show Matt.

It’s time for Thanksgiving dinner with Allie dressed as a Pilgrim. She doesn’t want Braxton Sutter to see her like this so guess who Laurel’s date is (Braxton has apparently taken the fastest shower in wrestling history as he looks fine here). Laurel and Mike Bennett say what they’re thankful for and Maria yells at Allie for trying to speak. Van Ness hits on Braxton and Allie finally snaps, calling Laurel a big meanie (Is there any wonder why she’s the most over person on the roster?). Maria gets pied and that’s about it. There was a chance for a followup there but since it’s TNA, we just go to the next segment.

Carter and Drake are ready for their main event tonight.

Matt looks at clips of becoming World Champion and can’t believe he was that violent. Reby doesn’t know what to do now.

Ethan Carter III vs. Eli Drake

Title shot vs. being able to speak for the rest of the year. They start brawling on the floor for a bit until Carter hits a dropkick inside to take over. Drake slowly pounds away but gets clotheslined right back to the floor as we take a break. Back with Drake being sent into the steps but he snaps Ethan’s throat over the top. We hit the chinlock for a bit, followed by a powerslam for two on Ethan.

With nothing else to do, Drake grabs a microphone and talks trash while stomping away. He slaps Carter in the face a few times but gets caught in the TK3. The 1%er is countered into a torture rack neckbreaker but Carter comes right back with a frog splash for the same. Blunt Force Trauma gets two for Eli and the 1%er gets the same. The rear naked choke makes Drake tap at 16:04.

Rating: B-. Not bad here as Drake continues to look good, though I have no idea where this rear naked choke came from. Carter just started using it a few weeks ago and now it’s some devastating finisher. Drake not being able to talk could be rather entertaining but I could go for him winning a big match for a change.

The Hardys hypnotize Matt to fix him. Well that’s underwhelming. Another snap of the hypnotist’s fingers turns Matt back into his one true self, meaning the one who doesn’t like wrestling.

Al Snow/Mahabali Shera vs. Tribunal

Snow and Baraka start things off with Basile yelling about the old man. The trapping headbutts have Snow in control and it’s off to Shera for the dancing. Thankfully that doesn’t last long and it’s back to Snow, who gets caught in the wrong corner. That only lasts a little while as well before it’s off to Shera for the Sky High and another near fall. Everything breaks down and the Snow Plow is broken up, leaving Baraka to hit Snow with a foreign object for the DQ at 6:34.

Rating: D-. THIS FEUD IS SO BORING! I can only imagine this feud is to appease the Sony Six audience as Shera is little more than a goon while Snow is a role that could be played by anyone else. It doesn’t help that this story has been going on and off for the better part of six months now with almost no advancement.

Grado and Robbie E. are put in a turkey suit match to bring back a tradition.

Grado vs. Robbie E.

They slug it out to start with Grado getting the better of it off the snap jabs. A double clothesline puts both guys down as this is a little less funny than I was expecting. Robbie grabs a rollup for the pin at 2:39.

Aiden O’Shea comes out to make Grado put on the suit and dancing ensues. Total waste of time here but at least it wasn’t Al Snow and the Tribunal.

Rosemary is ready for her cage match next week.

Jeff Hardy vs. Bram

Anything goes. Jeff knocks him to the floor to start and hits a dive, only to have to back off from the DCC. Back with Bram charging into boots in the corner but Storm comes in, which makes perfect sense. Well save for him waiting five minutes to interfere that is. Jeff makes another comeback but has to deal with Storm while Bram goes outside for a chair. The Whisper in the Wind gets rid of Storm and the Twisting Stunner gets two on Bram. A quick Last Call knocks Jeff into the Brighter Side of Suffering for the pin at 11:56.

Rating: C-. Well that happened. This was much more storytelling than a match as Jeff needs backup to help him fight off the odds (Where was Eddie Edwards tonight?), preferably in the form of his brother. There wasn’t much to this one and that’s fine enough, especially when it’s a story instead of a big match.

The DCC poses with the titles.

Reby is at her wits’ end with Matt but he just can’t remember what’s going on. Matt storms out of the house freaking out and asks the seven deities to send him a sign. He is then hit by a bolt of lightning, which turns him back into Broke Matt.

Overall Rating: D. Same problems as usual for TNA here: too much Hardy (though his normal self was making me chuckle) and a horrible lower card dragging down the good things this promotion does. Team X Gold gets more annoying every single time as there’s almost no consistency, let alone a point, to the whole thing. It also doesn’t help that TNA doesn’t really have anything to build towards since they only have Impact at the moment. I’ve seen worse episodes, but this wasn’t very good.

Results

Go For Broke b. Decay/Rockstar Spud and Marshe Rockett/Trevor Lee/Andrew Everett – Flatliner to Rockett

Ethan Carter III b. Eli Drake – Rear naked choke

Al Snow/Mahabali Shera b. Tribunal when Baraka used a foreign object

Robbie E. b. Grado – Rollup

Bram b. Jeff Hardy – Brighter Side of Suffering

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Impact Wrestling
Date: September 1, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

The countdown to Bound For Glory 2016 continues as we have five more weeks before the biggest show of the year. Things have changed a bit coming out of last week as Drew Galloway has turned heel by attacking Aron Rex, likely setting up Rex’s first feud and a Bound For Glory match. Let’s get to it.

We open with Reby (who looks like Matt from behind) and the Hardys playing the piano and singing the Obsolete song. Even Senor Benjamin, Vanguard One and Maxill get in on the sing a long. Maxill’s piano playing give Matt a pre-mo-nition that the battle with Decay will take place here at the Hardy Compound instead of at the Zone of Impact. Matt is worried but Reby has a sword to protect herself and Maxill.

In the arena (and out of that insanity), Mike Bennett and Maria are here for a chat. Mike is here to complete his kingdom of miracles by winning the World Title tonight. He’s so successful because he surrounds himself with people like Maria and Moose, who Mike would like to come down to settle things. Instead here’s Lashley to say he doesn’t have to fake confidence like Bennett does.

Lashley is so confident that he’s willing to let tonight’s title match be No DQ. Bennett thinks Lashley is jealous of Moose and doesn’t believe that they went to dinner last week. The champ says they did go to dinner (Are we on a Disney sitcom?) and maybe Lashley smartened him up a bit. Moose comes out to say he’s let his actions do the talking and tonight he’ll determine who wins the title. Bennett takes that as Moose saying he’ll win but Moose says not so fast before leaving.

Matt Hardy vs. Crazzy Steve

They look at each other to start because both of them are a bit insane. Steve dropkicks the knee out and we hit the chinlock. The fight goes outside with the fans telling Matt to DELETE him. So they want Steve to join Matt’s team? Jeff hits Steve with a boot a few times and the Twist of Fate puts Steve away at 4:20.

Rating: D. I’m very bored with the Hardys anytime they’re just having matches. The gimmick is so insane that it’s entertaining at times and the second Final Deletion (you know that’s coming) should be fun but the actual wrestling is just Matt and Jeff looking old and boring. Steve continues to be more of a character than good but he works well with Abyss so that’s a step up.

Post match Steve gets the mic and says Decay is at the Hardy Compound and Maxill is now Rosemary’s baby.

The X-Division guys try to explain the X-Division and basically say it’s about being fearless. So we can expect Nikki Bella showing up when?

After a break, Matt calls Reby (with his phone actually saying Broken Matt Hardy) but she doesn’t answer. The camera in the Hardy Compound shows Rosemary looking at Maxill.

X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. DJZ vs. Andrew Everett vs. Mandrews vs. Braxton Sutter vs. Rockstar Spud

The title is vacant coming in and this is a gauntlet match, meaning people are added at fixed intervals but you can pull the title down at any time. Trevor Lee and DJZ start things off and they slug it out for a bit before pulling each other down. Andrew Everett is in third and the time intervals seem to be two and a half minutes. DJZ gets double teamed so the Helms Dynasty (minus Helms showing up lately) goes up at the same time.

A knee to DJZ’s head knocks him silly but here’s Mandrews to break up the title grab attempt. Mandrews gets thrown off the top though and we take a break. Back with a replay package of what we saw before the commercial instead of what we missed. Braxton Sutter entered during the break and here’s Rockstar Spud to complete the field but it’s still too early to get the title with Sutter making the save.

We hit the big streak of dives before people get back in, only to be thrown out or knocked down seconds later. There’s nothing to talk about here as it’s just one move or spot after another with nothing in between. Spud uses a chair to knock Sutter off the cables but it’s the Helms Dynasty going up and grabbing the title at at the same time. No one comes down with it though so DJZ springboards in and pulls the title down to win at 16:23.

Rating: C+. I’m sure this is the revitalization that the X-Division has been needing for years now and that this will be different than the other half dozen times they’ve promised it’s not going to be left by the wayside again. The same problems they always have still apply here: no characters, no storylines other than they all want the title and get thrown together into one match and nothing we haven’t seen before. Fix some of those things and give us an actual story and the division might go somewhere.

Ethan Carter III is talking about his match last week when Eli Drake comes up to challenge him to a match tonight.

Drew Galloway promises an explanation.

We look at Allie accidentally winning the Knockouts Title last week.

Here’s Drew Galloway to explain his actions from last week. Drew says you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. He’s been asking why he stood up for TNA when he first arrived and he’s not sure. When he won the World Title, the celebration went on for a week. Then Ethan Carter http://ambienbuy.net screwed him over three straight times but the fans cheered for him. Then Aron Rex showed up and said the same things he said in his debut but the fans were cheering for him anyway.

Rex wants to be the next Drew Galloway so Drew has to teach him a few things. This brings out Billy Corgan to say Drew’s actions should earn him a suspension without pay but a little bird told him not to do it. Drew accuses Corgan of becoming the establishment and doing everything Dixie Carter tells him. Actually it was Rex who kept Drew from being suspended and here he is for the brawl but security quickly breaks it up. This was good stuff and Rex looked like a star who was on Drew’s level.

Reby answers the phone and Matt says the match tonight was just a setup. She and Maxill will go to the safe room but Vanguard One tells Matt that Rosemary is already there.

Ethan Carter III vs. Eli Drake

Drake is nice enough to spell his name out before they head to the floor with Ethan in control. Back in and Drake takes over with your standard heel offense (I love listening to him talk but his wrestling isn’t great) and escapes the TK3 attempt. A chinlock doesn’t go very far and the second TK3 attempt connects just fine. The 1%er is enough for the pin on Drake at 6:00.

Rating: D+. Not much to this one but there’s nothing wrong with that. This was a main eventer beating a midcarder who got in some offense before losing. That’s a simple booking plan and it works just fine with the big name getting a win over someone with credibility and the midcarder not losing any status because he was fighting a bigger star.

Allie is very excited about her title win and doesn’t mind Maria making her plan her own celebration.

Reby tells Matt to get back here now. Senor Benjamin is holding Maxill.

DJZ celebrates his title win and says he’s ready to defend it.

Here’s Allie for her title celebration. Before she can get anywhere, here are Maria and Sienna to interrupt. Maria sends Sienna to the back and yells at Allie for thinking this is actually about her. Allie screws everything up and couldn’t even get the right color balloons here. This celebration is for Allie’s opponent and Allie needs to lay down right now.

Knockouts Title: Maria Kanellis vs. Allie

Allie lays down and Maria is the new champion in three seconds.

Allie has to fight back tears as she announces Maria as the new champion.

Bennett tries to talk Moose into doing the right thing and hands him a pipe. Moose thinks about it.

Rosemary torments Reby but Senor Benjamin gets Maxill out. Reby tells Benjamin to prepare the field for battle.

TNA World Title: Mike Bennett vs. Lashley

Lashley is defending and this is no DQ. The champ leapfrogs Bennett and does the delayed vertical suplex but here’s Moose to offer a distraction as we take a break. Back with Bennett in control and kicking Lashley in the face. Maria hits Lashley in the head with the cast and the Knockouts Title but Lashley shrugs it off and suplexes Bennett for a breather. A torture rack (good move for Lashley) has Mike in trouble and a spinebuster makes it even worse. Maria breaks up the spear but Moose won’t give Mike the pipe. The distraction allows the spear to connect to retain the title at 10:59.

Rating: C-. This was much more storyline development than an important match, which shouldn’t be the case for a World Title match. Moose turning on Bennett this soon could be interesting but it’s not like they’ve really been a unit long enough to give this much of an impact. Bennett never felt like a threat to the title here and that’s not a good sign.

Post match Bennett yells at Moose and calls him a failed football player. Bennett slaps him in the face so Moose clotheslines Mike’s head off to end the show.

Next week: Decay goes to Cameron. That’s right: FINAL DELETION II!

Overall Rating: D+. I had forgotten how annoying it was to have the show cut back to the Hardy shenanigans every few minutes. It’s not so much the story that gets annoying (though it can) but more the fact that they’ll have something like eight segments (some very short) in two hours. You could stretch this stuff out for weeks but instead we see every few minutes and it’s really easy to get burned out.

The rest of the show was just kind of there. The X-Division Title match was your standard showcase that isn’t likely to lead anywhere, the main event was fine and…..what else really happened here? Rex and Galloway brawled, we had a nothing match between Drake and Carter (it was fine enough) and we have Maria vs. Gail set up in a match that we’ve known was coming for months. I’m not sure why we’re getting it but after all the time they’ve put into it they have to give it to us. This show wasn’t terrible but it got tiresome by the end, mainly due to the constant Hardy segments wearing me down.

Results

Matt Hardy b. Crazzy Steve – Twist of Fate

DJZ b. Mandrews, Rockstar Spud, Trevor Lee, Andrew Everett and Braxton Sutter – DJZ pulled down the title

Ethan Carter III b. Eli Drake – 1%er

Maria Kanellis b. Allie – Allie laid down

Lashley b. Mike Bennett – Spear

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Slammiversary 2016
Date: June 12, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

TNA is back on pay per view with their annual anniversary show featuring something close to a triple main event. First and foremost we have TNA World Champion Drew Galloway defending against Lashley in a submission/KO only match. Next, Mike Bennett is finally giving Ethan Carter III his rematch after Carter ran through a string of opponents to earn another shot at him. Finally there’s arguably the real main event as Matt Hardy faces Jeff Hardy in a Full Metal Mayhem match. Let’s get to it.

We open with the roster on the stage for a moment of silence for the victims in last night’s Orlando shooting.

The opening video is a pretty basic one with a quick clip on each match.

We hear Jeremy Borash hyping up Full Metal Mayhem, which I think was supposed to be just for the live crowd.

X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Andrew Everett vs. DJZ

Lee is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Before the bell, Shane Helms is banned from ringside. It’s a big brawl on the floor to start with DJZ chopping Trevor and Eddie fighting Everett on the other side. Everett is sent into the steps and the other three get inside for the opening bell. Lee gets double teamed until they all head to the floor, allowing Everett to get back inside for a big corkscrew plancha.

The Helms Dynasty (Everett and Lee) start double teaming Eddie with a drop toehold into a knee to the head, only to have DJZ to come back in with a double elbow to the jaw. DJZ holds the ropes open for an Edwards dive onto Everett, only to have Andrew run back inside for a running shooting star press and a near fall on DJZ. Lee isn’t happy with that and gets in an argument with his stablemate, leaving Eddie to chop both heels in the corner.

The champ gets two on Eddie off that spinning powerslam of his but Everett is right back up to eat a superkick from Edwards for two. Lee throws DJZ off the top for a big crash, leaving Everett to hit a springboard shooting star and a near fall on Eddie to leave everyone down. DJZ’s tornado DDT gets two on Everett but Lee blasts him with a jumping knee to the face. Back in and Eddie counters Trevor’s fisherman’s buster into a small package for the pin and the title at 10:11.

Rating: B. This was exactly what it needed to be with a bunch of big spots and a white hot pace throughout. Unfortunately that’s probably it for the title meaning anything until we get to Bound For Glory and the likely showdown between Helms and Edwards that I don’t think many people are really looking forward to seeing. This was nothing we haven’t seen before but it’s nice to have a regular match instead of Ultimate X for the sake of having Ultimate X.

Lashley is warming up.

The announcers run down the card.

Ethan Carter III says tonight he’s taking Mike Bennett to church where the people are going to be singing Trouble Trouble Trouble.

Clips of Sting being announced as the first member of the TNA Hall of Fame.

Tribunal vs. Grado/Mahabali Shera

Serious vs. fun with Al Snow as the Tribunal’s coach. Snow says his hero Donald Trump is going to make America great again and promises to make wrestling great again starting here tonight. The Tribunal jumps Shera to start and it’s Baraka choking him against the ropes. Baron chokes even more as the announcers talk about how none of these four have been on a Slammiversary yet. Considering two of them have only been hired for about a month, that’s not a huge surprise.

Baraka works on a chinlock but gets caught in a quick Sky High for a breather. Baron runs around the ring to pull Grado off the apron but Grado comes in anyway and starts cleaning house, including taking away Snow’s whistle. Shera springboards in to take out both French villains as everything breaks down. Shera and Dax go outside as Grado kicks Baraka in the chest for a delayed two as Snow had the referee. Back up and a quick backbreaker/middle rope elbow combination puts Grado away at 7:33.

Rating: D+. It was fine but should have been a nothing TV match instead of taking away a pay per view spot. The Tribunal really comes off as little more than a midcard heel act at their peak, despite both of them having a great look. Nothing match of course but was anyone expecting anything else?

Braxton Sutter comes up to James Storm for an introduction. They seem to get along and they go off for a chat.

We recap Maria Kanellis vs. Gail Kim despite Maria being out of the match with a broken hand. Basically it’s wrestling vs. entertainment as Maria is in charge of the Knockouts and wants to make them a bigger deal while Kim says she has no room to talk since she’s not a wrestler. Somehow this is supposed to make us want to cheer for Kim.

Gail Kim comes out for the match but Maria’s hand is in a cast. Allie says Maria deserves sympathy but Gail says Maria is a liar. Billy Corgan comes out to show us an X-Ray and the hand is indeed broken. Instead of just putting Allie in Maria’s place, Gail is being added to the Knockouts Title match right now.

Knockouts Title: Sienna vs. Gail Kim vs. Jade

Jade is defending. Sienna gets double teamed to start but she comes right back by choking Jade in the corner. Gail is tied up in the Tree of Woe and Sienna uses her break to crank on Jade’s neck. Everyone gets back up and Sienna fireman’s carries both of them at the same time for a big drop as everyone heads outside.

All three get knocked down but slide back in at the same time to start chopping it out. Sienna backdrops Gail to the floor and Jade springboards into a tornado DDT for two. Gail is back in with a hurricanrana on the champ and Sienna adds an AK-47. Eat Defeat drops Sienna but Allie pulls her out at two. Sienna gets the title as Marti Bell comes in to hit Jade with something to give Sienna the title at 7:40.

Rating: C-. Unnecessary ending aside, it’s nice to get the title off Jade to end that completely dead reign. Maria has become the first interesting thing in the division in a long time and it makes sense to have her get control of the title in addition to the division. Now we can have Gail Kim STAND UP FOR WRESTLING and take the title in a big showdown at Bound For Glory, likely after her Hall of Fame induction. Gail’s knee injury from Impact was mentioned but didn’t factor into the match.

Lashley says there’s a big fight feel tonight and makes JB practice announcing him as the new World Champion.

Here’s James Storm to talk about how fourteen years ago, this company gave a bunch of kids a chance on Wednesday nights. He’s still here though and loves the idea of doing things his way. Storm is here in Orlando, which draws an ORLANDO chant. Tonight, Storm wants to give a new kid an opportunity so get out here Braxton Sutter.

James Storm vs. Braxton Sutter

Apparently Storm told Sutter that it took him a few months to get his first win out of the way. Eh a few months, his second match, same difference. They start fast with Sutter dropping him with a shoulder but running into an armdrag. A dropkick staggers Sutter and an enziguri from the apron makes things worse. Sutter comes back with a high cross body for two and a powerslam for the same, followed by a suplex into the buckle for a third two count. Back up and Sutter charges into a Codebreaker, followed by the Last Call for the pin at 6:47.

Rating: C. Well that happened. I’m so glad they had Sutter get a strong push out of the gate and then have him lose here, probably for the sake of honoring TNA’s history or whatever. TNA is dying for fresh blood right now and having someone new with a lot of potential lose to James Storm clean isn’t the right way. I’d be more fine with this if Storm was heading up the card but I really can’t picture that happening.

Eli Drake says we won’t be seeing champions go 0-3 because he is the namer of the dummies. Bram might just be crazy enough to put his life on the line to take the King of the Mountain Title but if that’s what he thinks, Bram really is a cross eyed dummy, yeah. That guy can just command a camera.

Video of Kurt Angle being announced for the Hall of Fame.

King of the Mountain Title: Bram vs. Eli Drake

Bram is challenging after Drake cashed in Feast or Fired to take the title. Drake jumps him to start but backs off when Bram gets to his feet. An early Brighter Side of Suffering attempt sends the champ out to the floor and that’s enough for Eli so far. Drake tries to leave and says we’ll do this next month, only to have Bram punch him back to the ring.

Bram teases the Brighter Side of Suffering on exposed concrete but Drake backdrops him for a long count from the referee. A neckbreaker gets two for Drake but it’s a double clothesline to put both guys down. Back up and Bram starts slugging away, followed by a jumping knee to the face and Pop Up Powerbomb for two. Now the Brighter Side of Suffering connects and Drake rolls straight to the floor. Back in and Drake hits his clothesline and neckbreaker combo (Blunt Force Trauma) for the pin to retain at 8:36.

Rating: C. I’m a big Drake fan and he’s starting to come around (though a new finisher would really help him) so this was the right call. Bram is fine in his role and could be something if TNA would stick with him but Drake comes off like a Miz: he can command a crowd really well and can wrestle well enough to get through a match.

Mike Bennett talks about being the man who did what no one else could and promises that after tonight, the fans are going to say they believe.

Recap of Mike Bennett vs. Ethan Carter III, which is built around the idea of Bennett being the first person to ever beat Carter and Ethan wanting a rematch to get his revenge after all the cheating in their other matches. Carter had to walk through a road of redemption to get his shot.

Mike Bennett vs. Ethan Carter III

They lock up to start and it’s an early standoff. The fans chant NO WE DON’T as Carter scores with a few shoulders. Ethan knocks him to the floor but eats a clothesline as the fans stay on Carter’s side. Bennett makes things a bit more serious with an elevated DDT off the barricade onto the ramp. It’s way too early for that to end the match though so Bennett grabs a neckbreaker back inside.

The Miracle in Progress is broken up and Ethan plants him with a sitout powerbomb for two. Carter can’t get the 1%er either and Mike gets two off a spinebuster. Bennett gets in a cutter but Ethan pops up for a clothesline to put both guys down. A flapjack sets up the 1%er but Bennett gets out at two. They head to the apron with Carter hitting his TK3 onto the apron, only to go up top and dive into another cutter.

Bennett drops him with a piledriver for two but Ethan rolls some German suplexes and hits another 1%er with Maria throwing a chair in to distract the referee. The referee gets rid of her but it’s a Miracle in Progress onto the chair for two more. Ethan gets up and grabs another TK3 followed by the 1%er for the pin at 15:03.

Rating: B+. This was the match I was looking forward to the most and it delivered as well as I was expecting. These two are a pair of young guys with good chemistry and a lot of talent, which is why this has been the best feud TNA has done in a good while. I’m sure we’ll see a rubber match between them and it’s going to be a lot of fun as well, which gives me a reason to keep watching, for now at least.

Matt Hardy is ready to end Nero.

We recap Matt vs. Jeff, which is over Matt being obsessed with defeating his brother because Jeff has broken him or whatever Matt is babbling about this week. For some reason this has turned him into some combination of Raven and Sweeney Todd with a bad British accent.

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy

Full Metal Mayhem (basically TLC with pins) and Matt’s wife introduces him as broken, meaning he has piano music. Jeff attacks in the aisle to start but Matt comes back with a bunch of weapons. A snap suplex puts Jeff down on the floor as Matt empties a trashcan full of weapons, which only allows Jeff to take over with some hard shots. Jeff crushes him with a ladder up against the post and drives him through a table (that’s not metal) for two.

Back in and Jeff puts a huge ladder completely across the ring with Matt on top for a top rope splash and another near fall. The Swanton hits knees though and Matt gets two of his own. Matt starts biting Jeff’s ear because a Mike Tyson reference seems appropriate here. A Side Effect on the apron knocks Jeff silly but Matt pulls out a keyboard because he’s broken. He bridges it between the apron and a piece of the barricade so Matt can powerbomb Jeff through the keyboard for two.

Matt puts Jeff on a table on the floor and climbs a ladder inside, only to have Jeff come in and send them both crashing into the turnbuckle. It’s Jeff up first with a basement dropkick for two, followed by the Twist of Fate. Ok that he did rip off from Matt. Now the Swanton connects for two more and they head outside next to two tables. Jeff gets another Twist of Fate through one of the tables for two as the fans aren’t really reacting since they’re waiting on the big spot. Matt is laid on the other table and Jeff Swantons off the top through him for the pin at 16:56.

Rating: B-. Uh, that’s it? That’s what they’ve dedicated the most time of any match to on TV? A decent TLC match with a KEYBOARD as the big spot? The ending was nothing special but I’d rather have it be a “safe” (by comparison at least) spot instead of Jeff jumping off the roof or whatever he was hinting at doing. Hopefully this wraps the whole thing up though as Matt really doesn’t need to do anything else, though I’m sure we’ll get another match because these two are MONEY. Like enough money for a Coke or something but it’s still MONEY.

Matt walks off as Jeff celebrates with fans.

Decay says you can’t run from them because they never stay the same. The BroMans’ resurrection will lead to their demise.

Tag Team Titles: Decay vs. BroMans

Decay is defending. Robbie goes after Abyss to start but Steve gets in a cheap shot to take over. It’s quickly off to Jesse as everything breaks down early. Robbie dives off the top to take out the champs, followed by Jesse throwing Rosemary onto them as well. Things settle back down to Abyss choking Jesse in the corner and Steve gets in a shot to the back of the head.

Jesse finally knocks Abyss away and makes the hot tag off to Robbie for a Boom Drop on Steve. Rosemary mists Abyss by mistake and the blind monster chokeslams Steve. The BroDown and Adonis Lock has Steve tapping but Abyss mists the referee by mistake. The women get in a fight as Steve gets in a belt shot for two on Godderz because BLOWING MIST IN A REFEREE’S EYES isn’t a DQ anymore. The Adonis Lock goes on again but Abyss makes another save and grabs the Black Hole Slam on Jesse. Abyss powerbombs Steve on top of him to retain at 9:15.

Rating: C+. This was a lot better than I was expecting and they did a good job of making the BroMans seem like more than just a couple of goofs. The lack of a DQ off both mists was annoying but that’s par for the course anymore. We’re just waiting for the Wolves at this point but it’s good to have a team get a nice little push like this.

Drew Galloway says he’s ready to fight for wrestling.

TNA World Title: Lashley vs. Drew Galloway

Submission or KO (last man standing variety) only to win and Galloway, in a kilt, is defending. Drew Claymores him two seconds into the match but Lashley pops up and grabs a legbar. That goes nowhere so Drew tries to throw him into the steps, only to have Lashley jump on top of them. Back in and the Iron Maiden is easily broken so Drew grabs a second version.

Lashley fights up and gets in a spear, followed by an overhead belly to belly. Since it’s not a KO though, there’s really nothing to do but wait for Drew to get up. A cross armbreaker doesn’t last long on Drew as he kicks Lashley in the face and cuts his eye open. Lashley suplexes him again and starts pounding away in the corner. Drew blocks a superplex and this a top rope clothesline, followed by another Claymore. It doesn’t even get a count though as Lashley gets up and scores with a quick spear to put both guys down.

Drew gets in a big boot to put Lashley on the floor before sending him into the steps. The Celtic Cross onto the steps makes things even worse for Lashley but he’s still not out. That leaves Drew with nothing else (because the show is running out of time) to do but put on a Sharpshooter on the steps. The referee breaks it up despite DQ’s not being a factor in this match. Yet another Claymore drops Lashley and now it’s time for a table.

Drew’s flip dive over the top only hits the table though and both guys are down again. Lashley won’t let the count go yet though and pounds Drew in the head a bit first. The champ gets up but dives into a Crossface, which is quickly reversed into a Tombstone. Lashley is up again and blasts Drew in the face, setting up a side choke to knock Drew out for the title at 17:58.

Rating: B. The match was good but LASHLEY??? The epitome of “monster for someone to destroy” gets the title again? They’re going up against Smackdown in a few weeks and they put the title on Brock Lesnar minus charisma? This was set up perfectly to have Galloway win and look like a star but instead it’s Lashley again because the first two reigns were so great.

Josh acts like this is Lashley’s first reign to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I’ll be sticking around but egads this company makes it hard to sit through. As usual the show is much better when they just focus on the wrestling instead of all their “creative” stuff but this felt like TNA in a nutshell: the stuff they do is good but it’s just enough to squeak by. Instead of hitting a home run, this was a weak single over the third baseman’s head. There’s enough good in it to keep me watching but Impact is going to go downhill all over again because they have nothing to build towards for four months.

The matches that needed to deliver did so, but the stuff between the opener and Bennett vs. Carter was the usual collection of weak to average at best. As usual TNA survives again on hard work from the wrestlers but I’m not looking forward to Galloway chasing Lashley while Lashley talks about how awesome he is in that weird voice of his. It’s a good enough show, though nothing I’ll ever want to see again.

Results

Eddie Edwards b. Trevor Lee, Andrew Everett and DJZ – Small package to Lee

Tribunal b. Grado/Mahabali Shera – Backbreaker/Middle rope elbow combination to Grado

Sienna b. Jade and Gail Kim – Pin after Marti Bell hit Jade in the back

James Storm b. Braxton Sutter – Last Call

Eli Drake b. Bram – Blunt Force Trauma

Ethan Carter III b. Mike Bennett – 1%er

Jeff Hardy b. Matt Hardy – Swanton Bomb through a table

Lashley b. Drew Galloway – Side choke

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on NXT: The Full Sail Years Volume II at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: May 24, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

It’s a big show tonight with May Mayhem, meaning things are a bit more violent than the regular shows. As you might guess, this is a show that was announced a week ago with almost no other build. The big match tonight is Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III as Carter tries to get his rematch with Mike Bennett. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on everything we’re getting to see tonight.

Here’s Matt Hardy for a chat before his match with Ethan. Matt now has half black and half white hair (divided down the middle) which looks like Bozo the Clown’s. Before the match Matt talks about how he has evolved into something more dangerous. He sees this match as nothing more than a warmup for his match with Jeff at Slammiversary.

With something like a weak British accent, Matt says he has a contract for the match with his brother Nero, which brings out Rockstar Spud and Tyrus. Spud says he’s dedicated his life to Matt Hardy. Matt: “As you should.” That accent is REALLY weird and comes off like Matt trying to be all intelligent and brilliant and it’s really just creepy.

Spud blames the fans for this going too far but Tyrus really doesn’t care. Matt says it’s ok to say he looks like a psychotic lunatic. He has a deal for Nero tonight: if Nero can beat Spud and Tyrus in a ladder match, there will be a match between the brothers at Slammiversary. If Jeff loses though, there’s no match. Also if Jeff wins, Spud and Tyrus are done associating with Matt. This felt like someone shouting LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME and trying to be all interesting but coming off as a guy who is more sad than anything else. As usual, Matt is in over his head and is nowhere near as brilliant as he thinks he is.

Ethan Carter III vs. Matt Hardy

Matt pounds away in the corner as we hear about how amazing a transformation he’s undergone to become this lunatic. Carter charges into a boot to the face and gets elbowed in the jaw to keep him down. A bulldog out of the corner gets two for Matt and he whips Carter into the corner.

The slow pace continues with a legdrop until Carter comes back with a jawbreaker, only to miss a splash in the corner. Here’s Mike Bennett to watch as Matt gets two off a Side Effect. The Twist of Fate is countered into a cobra clutch but Bennett comes in for the DQ at 6:40. The stipulation said that Carter had to win by pin/submission to get his shot so Ethan gets nothing.

Rating: D+. Can we take up a collection to get rid of Matt Hardy? Like, how much would it cost for us to never have to sit through one of his speeches or matches again? His character is confusing/stupid, his promos are annoying, he gets WAY too much TV time and his matches aren’t even good. What are he and Jeff going to do at Slammiversary? Jump off something really high like they’ve done for nearly twenty years? I’m sure TNA fans will call it brilliant but this is moving into Hogan/Flair levels of sad.

Mike lays Carter out post match and says that he has failed. There will be no rematch at Slammiversary.

Post break Bennett says what he just did was art and you don’t have to explain art. A few weeks ago he had a vision for EC3’s Road to Redemption. Well now Ethan has failed because he didn’t get the job done, meaning no match at Slammiversary. This was just repeating what was said earlier.

Here’s Allie to introduce Maria for a speech. Maria talks about how she’s taking over the new future for the Knockouts and Velvet Sky is part of the past. This brings out Gail Kim, who says Maria manipulated her way to the top of the division. They argue over Velvet being fired with Maria saying she put on her boots just like Gail told her to and she attained power. Gail offers to beat her up right now but Maria threatens to have her fired. This results in Gail being put in a match with her career on the line, which brings in Sienna for a cheap shot from behind. Who is actually begging to see Gail vs. Maria in a straight match?

Grado promises Mahabali Shera that he’ll take care of Al Snow tonight. Grado has a chain wrapped around his fist while Shera eats what looks like a drumstick.

The BroMans call each other from about a foot away. Robbie thinks they need to move up a few levels while Jesse keeps stopping to talk to people. Apparently Robbie has found them a guru to take it to another level. A woman comes up to point out that they’re right next to each other and Robbie blames Jesse for not paying attention.

Gail rants about how angry she is.

We recap Al Snow vs. Grado in your standard “I’m old and grizzled and you’re not serious enough” feud. Snow claims to be a pure athlete and keeps cheating to win matches.

Al Snow vs. Grado

Street fight. Before the match, Snow asks if the fans want violence, chairs and tables. Well even if they do, they’re not going to get it because he’s a wrestler. Snow: “I’m your mom’s favorite wrestler!” Naturally he hides behind the set and jumps Grado from behind to start things off. The bell hasn’t rung yet as Snow slams Grado’s hand into the steps. They head inside for the bell with Snow slamming him down but missing the moonsault.

Snow’s powder is thrown back into his face as Shera brings in a trashcan full of weapons. Grado spanks him with a cookie sheet and it’s time for the drumstick (as in a bone with meat on it) for a low blow. A chain punch hits Grado in the jaw but here are two newcomers (NXT’s Marcus Louis and Sylvester LeFort) to pull the referee out. The distraction lets Snow hit the Snow Plow for the pin at 3:39.

Rating: D-. Yes this is continuing and Snow is going to have a stable. This really does feel like it’s 1999 but for some reason we’re getting an Al Snow win instead of any…..you know what? I don’t care. We’re reaching the point with TNA where I can’t even get mad about it anymore. This is what we’re stuck with because of all the people they have on their roster, it’s best to have Al Snow do this instead of ANYONE else.

I’m so sorry that TNA has no money because no one watches their shows and they’re stuck on a third rate network with no audience but it’s the kind of nonsense like pushing Matt Hardy as some psycho genius for the “real” main event of Slammiversary against his brother because Darlin Dixie is too thickheaded to realize that this nonsense doesn’t draw a thing anymore. This match and this show are such a waste of time anymore and they have no one to blame but themselves.

Matt Hardy (of course) is sitting in the dark when Reby comes in to ask what’s wrong. We get another monologue about how Matt needs to get rid of Nero for his life to continue. Reby talks about how he’s alienating everyone but Matt doesn’t care because it’s all about Nero.

Jeremy Borash is in the ring to talk about the end of last week’s show when Lashley interrupts. Lashley rants about how many fights he’s had without twenty idiots interrupting but here’s Drew Galloway to cut him off. Drew says Lashley can lay claim to being the only real fighter on the roster but he’ll stick to the title of World Heavyweight Champion. Last week he saw fear in Lashley’s eyes but Lashley doesn’t want to hear it.

Drew comes to the ring for a fight but Dixie Carter comes out to say this is ridiculous. Yeah we need to cut out this action on a wrestling show. I for one would love another Matt Hardy monologue right about now. Dixie makes the rematch for Slammiversary with only submissions or knockouts for the win. If I’m Drew, I’d be rather ticked off by that but of course he’s fine with everything.

Lashley calls him out and the fight is on again with Drew hitting a Claymore and pounding away. Security’s intervention only slows Drew down, allowing Lashley to get in a spear and hammer away. A referee gets speared and Lashley chokes Drew out with a belt. Lashley isn’t done yet and takes off his shirt but does nothing.

X-Division Title: Andrew Everett vs. Eddie Edwards vs. DJZ vs. Trevor Lee

Lee is defending and this is Ultimate X with the belt hung at the intersection of two cables. The first person to climb up and pull it down is champion. We come back from a break after Eddie’s entrance with the rest of the entrances because we haven’t wasted enough time on this show yet. Shane helms is out with Lee and Everett, who are introduced as a team. Eddie dives over the top to take out Everett before the bell rings.

It’s a huge brawl to start of course until Everett dropkicks everyone down and goes for the belt, only to have Lee pull him down and swear a bit. Helms tells his boys to calm down and Everett lets Lee get on his shoulders to help him get tot he belt. Eddie and DJZ come in for the save (why this isn’t a tag match and non-title is beyond me) with DJZ elbowing both heels in the jaw.

Edwards hurricanranas both of them down at the same time but Lee knees him in the face. DJZ pops up and rolls forward into a DDT on Trevor to knock the champ silly. Eddie goes up and pulls down the title, only to have Shane distract the referee so Trevor can steal the belt to retain at 5:59.

Rating: D. I mean, why wait and have the big gimmick match at Slammiversary when you can have it here in a nothing match that doesn’t even last six minutes and somehow includes a false finish? It’s nice of them to throw a bone to the X-Division but the title is still having the same issues that everything else does: not enough focus because other big stories get the time, stories that just keep going because there’s nothing else going on, and of course and older guy who is treated as being above the current stars.

Maria has chosen Sienna to take out Gail Kim by ripping out her heart.

Ethan talks about playing rigged games all his life. There is no honor in what Bennett did but the rematch is going to happen no matter what. Ethan is about to make a phone call he’s going to regret. Bennett was comparing himself to artists but those people had a life’s work. After Ethan is done, Mike isn’t even going to have a life. As usual, really good stuff here from Ethan as he kept it simple and responded to everything Mike said while advancing the story.

Sienna vs. Gail Kim

Allie and Maria are at ringside and Gail’s career is on the line. Sienna jumps Gail from behind but gets knocked away, allowing Gail to hit a quick high cross body for two. A hurricanrana takes both of them outside but Maria helps Sienna up, allowing her to send Gail into the barricade. Back in and a Samoan drop gets two for Sienna but Gail comes back with a reverse DDT. Maria shoves Gail off the ropes, only to have her reverse the spinning faceplant into a sunset flip to pin Sienna at 4:13.

Rating: C-. That’s about as good as a four minute match with two people interfering is going to get. I know the end game of this is Gail vs. Maria but how is that going to be anything other than a squash or Gail having to slow things WAY down to make the match work? The story makes sense here but it’s asking us to be interested in Gail Kim which just isn’t going to happen.

Sienna drops Gail post match and Maria pounds away.

Rockstar Spud begs Tyrus to win tonight for Matt’s sake. Reby comes in and says do it for her sake because Matt is insane over this Jeff stuff. Spud says having Matt back to normal is worth anything.

The BroMans go to meet their guru and it’s….actually a woman, who has purple hair and is in great shape. Her name is Raquel (Gabi from last year’s Tough Enough) and apparently she’s the guru they’ve been looking for. After a hard workout, she says she’ll see them in the pool.

Lashley and Drew Galloway will pick each other’s opponents next week.

Rockstar Spud/Tyrus vs. Jeff Hardy

Ladder match. If Jeff wins, he faces Matt at Slammiversary in a Full Metal Mayhem match and Spud/Tyrus are done associating with Matt. If Jeff loses, there’s no match and Matt is happy anyway. Jeff hands out what looks like CDs during his entrance, which is actually not a horrible idea. Spud jumps Jeff before the bell (because we haven’t seen that tonight) but Tyrus posts himself and gets a chair thrown at his back. Jeff throws in a ladder and we go to a break without the match actually starting.

The match is joined in progress with Tyrus pulling a ladder to send Jeff throat first into the ropes. A legdrop between Jeff’s legs should allow Tyrus to just sit on him so Spud can climb but instead Tyrus picks him up. Spud drops a top rope elbow and goes to get a ladder as Tyrus lifts Jeff up again.

Tyrus splashes Spud by mistake but Jeff can’t follow up. Spud is sent out to the floor and Tyrus tries to climb, only to be too heavy and break the rungs. Jeff laughs at him as Spud comes back in, only to have Tyrus get knocked outside. Spud goes up but gets caught in a Twist of Fate onto the top of the ladder, allowing Jeff to pull down the contract at 5:10.

Rating: F. A five minute ladder match with Tyrus being entirely stupid (just sit on him man) and an obvious ending.

Overall Rating: D-. If Slammiversary isn’t an upgrade (read as the Hardys don’t main event for one thing), I’m taking a break from this company. I’ve sat through years of this place’s nonsense but it’s never been so much of an effort to stick with them. This company has just never learned and it’s the same problem time after time: too much of a focus on stories with only short term value and far less importance being placed on things that could help them.

In other words, I’ve had it with Matt vs. Jeff. This feud has gone on forever (dating back to their WWE days) and TNA doesn’t understand that there is nothing to gain from these two fighting each other. They’ve taken over the show and pushed things like the World Title and the legitimately great Carter vs. Bennett feud (one of the only reasons I’m sticking around) so Matt can be a crazy genius or whatever moniker he’s giving himself this week.

TNA is never going to get entirely better but the least I can ask is for them to be watchable. I’ve given TNA my patience, my time and my money but I’ve had enough. This show had less than twenty six minutes of wrestling in two hours and nearly twelve of those were Matt and Jeff matches. If that’s what TNA cares about, I’m not going to be around to watch them screw this place up even more. I’m not flat out quitting but if Slammiversary isn’t at least a decent show (and I’ll be flexible with that), I’m done.

Results

Ethan Carter III b. Matt Hardy via DQ when Mike Bennett interfered

Al Snow b. Grado – Snow Plow

Trevor Lee b. Eddie Edwards, Andrew Everett and DJZ – Lee pulled down the title

Gail Kim b. Sienna – Sunset flip

Jeff Hardy b. Tyrus/Rockstar Spud – Jeff pulled down the contract

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on NXT: The Full Sail Years Volume II at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: May 17, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re getting closer to Slammiversary and one of the big questions coming out of last week is who is behind the Willow mask. Someone attacked Jeff Hardy last week while dressed as Jeff’s old alter ego in an attempt to take him out for good. Presumably this is the same person who sent Decay after Jeff two weeks ago. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Lashley attacking Drew Galloway a few weeks back. They fight for the World Title tonight but a fight broke out in the empty arena as they arrived earlier.

Here’s Willow to get things going. Josh: “The creation of the imagination of the mind of Jeff Hardy.” After the announcers talk about how Willow has come to life, he cackles about how he’s finally free. Cue Jeff Hardy to ask if Willow loves or hates before hammering away on him.

Jeff Hardy vs. Willow

Some right hands stagger Willow but he comes back with a Twist of Hate. The Twist of Fate puts Willow away at 39 seconds.

Jeff goes for the mask but here’s a bigger (though only average size) Willow to attack Jeff with the umbrella. A third Willow, clearly bigger than the other two, comes down the ramp to say something about giving Jeff his worst nightmare (the audio was very hard to understand).

Post break, Willow takes his mask off to reveal Matt Hardy. Matt talks about how Nero (Jeff’s middle name) got over because of Matt’s genius. A few weeks back, Jeff didn’t finish the job when he took Matt out so now it’s time to put Matt through his own personal nightmare. Matt chokes him out again and we’re finally done. If Matt being Willow surprised you in any way, shape or form, you haven’t been paying attention.

Velvet Sky is in the back where she was supposed to meet Maria. Instead there’s a newcomer named Allie, who is Maria’s bubbly new personal assistant (played by indy wrestler Cherry Bomb). Apparently Velvet is facing Sienna tonight and if she loses she’s fired.

Dixie Carter makes the World Title match a lumberjack match.

Velvet Sky vs. Sienna

Sienna rolls her up for a quick near fall before beating her into the corner. Velvet gets the same result off the same move before a running neckbreaker gives her another near fall. Not that it matters as Sienna puts Velvet on her shoulders for the spinning faceplant and the pin at 3:22.

Rating: D. Well uh, see you Velvet. That was quite the unceremonial ending to her TNA run as this was nothing more than a squash. Sienna is a good monster heel for Maria to hide behind and we’ve already gotten to the point of her character, which is about as simple of an idea as it needs to be. Nothing match here.

Mike Bennett and Maria Kanellis are sitting by their pool with Maria getting up and diving in for a swim. After the very gratuitous shots of her, she sits back down with Mike talking about how he wants to be the best of all time in TNA. Maria is going to get some sun and then they’re going to head to the Impact Zone.

Here are Mike and Maria in the ring for a chat. Mike talks about how Ethan Carter III needs his road to redemption and if he loses once, there’s no rematch. Tonight, Ethan has an opponent who has been around the world and is very well known for his black and white. Therefore, get out here EARL HEBNER! Earl comes out and Mike wants to fight him tonight, Hall of Famer vs. future Hall of Famer. Another referee comes out and Mike begs Earl to fight him, eventually getting himself a punch to the face. The bell rings.

Mike Bennett vs. Earl Hebner

One punch drops Earl and Mike takes his shirt off…..for a two count. Yes Earl actually kicked out and for some reason it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen on TNA in months. Earl hits the worst low blow in years but Maria goes after him. Earl actually takes his shirt off, earning himself a boot to the face for the pin at 1:49. I really shouldn’t be laughing at this but it was HILARIOUS.

Post match Ethan Carter III runs out for the save but Mike has an opponent for him. That would be Tyrus, who attacks Ethan from behind, kicking off a last man standing match.

Ethan Carter III vs. Tyrus

Last man standing and joined in progress with Tyrus holding a nerve hold. Tyrus goes outside to get a chair but makes the mistake of wedging it in the corner, which means he goes head first into it instead. A trio of Stinger Splashes in the corner don’t do much damage to Tyrus so Ethan avoids a splash in the corner, setting up a high cross body. Carter hits him in the back with a chair for a nine so it’s time to set up two chairs.

Tyrus suplexes him through them for a close call and it’s table time. Tyrus misses a Vader Bomb and only hits table but still gets up. Ethan grabs a chair but gets sent flying off a suplex. A spike to the neck sends Carter to the floor for an eight and a Big Ending on the ramp gets nine. With nothing else working, Ethan grabs a piece of the barricade but Carter elbows him in the head and drops Tyrus onto the barricade. Ethan puts the steps on him and then beats the steps with a chair for the win at 10:48.

Rating: B-. This was more entertaining than I was expecting as they didn’t bother wasting time with wrestling and just started beating on each other with metal objects. Carter winning was the obvious way to go but hopefully this ends things with him and Tyrus. I know there’s some value in Tyrus as a heavy but he’s really not working as a wrestler, which to be fair is almost always the case with him.

Mike Bennett comes out and looks at Ethan.

Lashley training video.

Jeff Hardy says Matt took his own creation and promises to finish this at Slammiversary.

Eddie Edwards/DJZ vs. Andrew Everett/Trevor Lee

It’s all over the place to start until we settle down to DJZ sending Everett into the corner. A chase on the floor ends with Lee kicking DJZ in the face to take over with a near fall inside. It’s off to Edwards as things break down with Eddie’s Backpack Stunner getting two on Everett. Andrew’s moonsault hits a raised boot and Eddie takes the champ down on the floor, leaving DJZ to hit a jumping DDT for the pin on Everett at 5:13.

Rating: C. The match was fine, albeit completely meaningless. That’s the problem with this division: it’s here one week and then back a few weeks later with one vague story of Helms creating a stable and Edwards fighting against it but there’s very little to care about. The champion has taken a big backseat to Helms and if Helms never wrestles, it’s a big waste of time.

Galloway training video.

It’s time for Fact of Life with Eli Drake. After calling some people dummies, Drake says he can change the world with this Feast or Fired briefcase. This brings him to his guest tonight, the future former King of the Mountain Champion, Bram. The champ says the briefcase may be dangerous but Drake himself isn’t. That earns him a DUMMY, YEAH as Drake talks about how he’s going to win the title one way or another so Bram could just hand him the title right now. Bram thinks he should just rip out Drake’s throat so Eli leaves. Bram questions Drake’s manhood and a fight breaks out with Bram standing tall.

Ethan wants his match with Bennett tonight but Bennett says there’s one more match for Ethan first. That would be against Matt Hardy next week and Matt is a lot more nuts than when he took the title from Carter in the first place.

TNA World Title: Drew Galloway vs. Lashley

Lashley is challenging and this is a lumberjack match. They lock up to start with Lashley taking him into the corner until a big boot puts Lashley down. The spear out of nowhere sends Drew outside though and we take a break. Back with Galloway being sent out to the floor before Lashley suplexes him again.

We hit a quickly broken chinlock before Drew starts slugging away, followed by a neckbreaker for a breather. A top rope clothesline drops Lashley but the Future Shock is broken up. Something like a chokeslam gets two for Lashley but Drew grabs the Celtic Cross. The Claymore is loaded up but the lumberjacks pull Drew outside for the DQ at 11:53.

Rating: C+. The match was fun while it lasted but it was clearly just a way to set up a rematch at Slammiversary. You could tell they were going for something screwy as soon as they put the lumberjacks out there and that makes for a less than thrilling main event. Drew vs. Lashley is a good enough match but the story is only hit or miss.

Post match the lumberjacks fight with DJZ hitting a dive to take out a bunch of them. Trevor Lee does the same thing before Eddie Edwards superplexes Everett onto the pile. Bram knees Lashley but Drake hits him in the back with the briefcase. Cue Jeff Hardy to take Eli down but Matt breaks up the Swanton. Bennett throws Drake to the floor but here’s Carter to chase him off, only to eat a spear. Drew gives Lashley the Claymore and flips onto the lumberjacks to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The ending was good but so much of this show felt like it was just sitting around waiting on the Hardys to do more stuff. Matt vs. Jeff is really dragging down what is an otherwise rapidly improving show with some feuds that make me want to see more of the show. The problem is Matt vs. Jeff is by far the biggest story going on and it wouldn’t shock me if they main evented the pay per view. There’s good stuff here but TNA’s standard problems keep holding it back.

Results

Jeff Hardy b. Willow – Twist of Fate

Sienna b. Velvet Sky – Spinning faceplant

Mike Bennett b. Earl Hebner – Big boot

Ethan Carter III b. Tyrus when Tyrus couldn’t answer the ten count

DJZ/Eddie Edwards b. Trevor Lee/Andrew Everett – Jumping DDT to Everett

Drew Galloway b. Lashley via DQ when the lumberjacks interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 3, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

For the first time in a long time, we’re coming up on a pay per view with Slammiversary airing in June. The big stories at the moment are Drew Galloway wanting to fight Lashley, probably in the pay per view main event, and Mike Bennett being the first man to defeat Ethan Carter III which likely sets up a rematch at Slammiversary as well. Now take all of that and forget most of it because it’s time to put the focus back on the Hardy Boyz. Let’s get to it.

Earlier today, Lashley attacked Drew Galloway at the gym and beat the champ down. They wound up in an MMA cage and Lashley knocked him down with one punch but couldn’t choke him out. Eventually some other wrestlers broke it up.

We look at Bennett pinning Carter last week.

Mike and Maria come out with the former bragging about being the one man to finally pull something off that no one else ever could last week. No one in the back can beat him and now he deserves to be World Champion. This brings out Jeff Hardy because of course it does, though at least it’s not so he can yell at Matt. Jeff doesn’t think much of Bennett beating Carter because it just makes him a joke. The fans say Jeff is better and a match is pitched for later tonight. Bennett says he’ll go ask Dixie but Jeff cleans house, prompting Mike to say we’ll do it.

Mike Bennett vs. Jeff Hardy

Joined in progress with Bennett slapping on a chinlock. Jeff fights back with an atomic drop and the legdrop between the legs but here’s Lashley to spear Jeff for the DQ at 1:48.

Bennett gets speared as well because Lashley is going to run through the entire roster until Dixie Carter gives him what he wants. Here’s Dixie who is indignant that Lashley wants to be handed a title shot. She makes Hardy vs. Bennett vs. Lashley for the #1 contendership as tonight’s main event with Drew as guest referee.

Rosemary asks Crazzy Steve is he’s ready for his transformation. He certainly is so she spits something into his mouth. Abyss takes off his mask and gets the same treatment. The stuff seems to burn both of their faces.

Here’s Decay for a chat. Rosemary talks about the team taking the titles from the people’s heroes last week and their transformations. Steve can now speak and talks about how Rosemary has changed him. Rosemary talks about how many people have tried to control Abyss, including his father and brother. Now though he can show his true self, which means he wears paint instead of a mask. Abyss says he’s beautiful and the fans seem to agree. Cue James Storm to say he’s a cowboy who drinks a lot of beer. It’s time for a fight and Decay is quickly dispatched. We’re not done yet though as Storm wants Abyss right now.

Abyss vs. James Storm

Joined in progress as well with Storm getting in a baseball slide to take the brawl outside. Rosemary and Steve go after Storm but neither draws a DQ, likely because of plot convenience. Storm fights back inside with his shots to the face and a bulldog for two. Abyss gets the same off a chokeslam but Storm puts him back down with a Sling Blade, setting up a top rope elbow for another near fall. Steve’s mist doesn’t work but Abyss’ blinds Storm so the Black Hole Slam can put him away at 6:00.

Rating: D+. This was what you would expect and the right ending with Abyss getting a win to confirm the Decay’s new power. I’m starting to like the stuff they’re going with after a long time of feeling like they were just another goth gimmick. If nothing else it’s actually getting more mileage out of Abyss which continues to astound me.

Maria wants Dixie to look at some papers. Jade better be smarter than Gail Kim was.

Jeff Hardy is more concerned about winning the title tonight than Matt.

Here’s Maria to call out Jade for a chat. Maria sees Jade’s star on the rise but thinks she needs to just hand over the title now because Jade wouldn’t be anywhere without her. Jade says no so Maria brings out her friend Sienna to fight the champ. Sienna throws her around to start but Jade gets in a few kicks. They head outside with Jade being sent hard into the steps. Back inside and Sienna gives her something like a spinning Big Ending to leave Jade laying.

Bram says he’s been called a lot of things and now he’s being called champion.

And now, in case you haven’t heard enough talking yet, we have a sitdown interview with Ethan Carter III. Well at least we would if he was here but Bennett comes in to say that Ethan is missing because he’s scared. Tonight he’ll get his title shot no matter what.

King of the Mountain Title: Bram vs. Eli Drake vs. Andrew Everett vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Jesse Godderz

Bram is defending in a King of the Mountain match, meaning you have to get a pin to become eligible to hang the title. If you pin someone, they’re sent to a penalty box for a minute so there’s some strategy involved. Jesse and Eli trade rollups to start as Everett hides on the floor with Shane Helms. Bram plants Everett with a powerbomb for the pin to become eligible early on.

Eddie grabs a half crab on Drake but Everett breaks it up for no logical reason. Edwards sends him out to the floor and hits a big dive, only to have Drake get in a cheap shot from behind for a rollup and pin to become eligible. Bram sets up a ladder and gets the belt but Jesse dropkicks him down. Drake slams Jesse but the champ comes back in for a Cactus Clothesline.

Everett misses a moonsault and gets caught in the Adonis Lock for a quick submission to make Jesse eligible. Edwards and Everett brawl to the back to leave us with three people. Godderz goes up but Drake pulls him down and hits him in the head with the Feast or Fired briefcase. He takes too long going up though and it’s Bram dropkicking the ladder down, allowing him to hang the title to retain at 7:25.

Rating: D+. I’m just not a fan of these matches and this didn’t change anything. It’s four guys getting title shots for no logical reason and this week the title is defended in a King of the Mountain match after last week’s title change was in a regular match. Just call the thing the TV Title and get rid of this stupid gimmick already because it’s way more complicated than it needs to be.

Drake tries to cash in post match but Bram gets up and chases him off.

Galloway says he’s had a rough day so he’d love to see Lashley try to put his hands on him.

Matt Hardy sits in the shadows and accuses Jeff of trying to remove him from this dimension. Their war isn’t done.

Before the main event, Ethan Carter III comes out to congratulate Bennett on the win. Carter isn’t like the rest of those people who lost to him over the years and then came out here to complain about it. He accepts this loss but it’s changed him. Bennett needs to go and win that World Title because he wants to take the title back from Mike one day. Carter rants about how the loss made him incomplete and kept him from becoming the best wrestler on the planet. He’ll be back for Bennett soon enough.

Jeff Hardy vs. Lashley vs. Mike Bennett

For the #1 contendership with champion Drew Galloway as guest referee. Drew promises to call this down the middle and we’re finally ready to go. It’s a slow start with both guys going after Lashley who easily powers them away. The big guy is sent outside though and Jeff takes them both out with a Whisper in the Wind as we go to a break.

Back with Jeff still fighting off both guys but eating a powerslam from Lashley. A long delayed vertical suplex, complete with a point to Galloway, plants Bennett. The spear hits Galloway though, followed by Bennett hitting the cutter on Lashley. Jeff dropkicks Bennett to the floor and adds the Swanton on Lashley for no count.

Bennett is sent face first into the steps over and over, followed by a Swanton onto Bennett on the steps. Cue the Decay for no apparent reason to go after Hardy, including a chokeslam onto the steps. Decay leaves so Lashley spears Jeff into the post for a great looking crash. Another spear gives Lashley the pin and the title shot at 14:02.

Rating: C. The match was entertaining enough at times and I’ll take Decay vs. Jeff over Hardy vs. Hardy any day. Lashley was the obvious winner here and that’s fine but this needed more time instead to really get good. If you take out the commercial and the Decay interference, this was under ten minutes long and that’s really not enough for a big epic match.

Lashley and Drew brawl to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This one really didn’t do it for me as they didn’t even have thirty minutes of wrestling in a two hour show. There was just WAY too much talking on here and even though there was some good stuff built up, you have to actually have something in there instead of just setting up stuff for six weeks from now. I wasn’t feeling this one and the pacing issues really need to be fixed, including less than eight minutes of wrestling in the first seventy five minutes of a show. Big miss this week and that’s not a good sign on the first show of a new taping cycle.

Results

Jeff Hardy b. Mike Bennett via DQ when Lashley interfered

Abyss b. James Storm – Black Hole Slam

Bram b. Eli Drake, Andrew Everett, Eddie Edwards and Jesse Godderz – Bram hung the title

Lashley b. Jeff Hardy and Mike Bennett – Spear to Hardy

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Bound For Glory 2015
Date: October 4, 2015
Location: Cabarrus Arena and Events Center, Concord, North Carolina
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

It’s TNA’s biggest show of the year and they’ve had all of two weeks to set it up. Well save for the main event which was changed with two minutes to go on the final episode of Impact. It’s hard to guess what to expect here but it could range from a fun show to another disaster for the company on what could be their last pay per view ever. Let’s get to it.

It’s a basic opening video with all of the matches getting a quick recap and a voiceover saying they’re all bound for glory.

X-Division Title: Tigre Uno vs. Manik vs. DJZ vs. Andrew Everett

Tigre Uno is defending and this is Ultimate X, meaning the title is hung from the structure above the ring and whoever pulls it down wins. It’s a big brawl to start as you can see the arena looking mostly dark, likely hiding a small crowd. Everyone is running all over the place with no flow or story to start. DJZ clotheslines Everett down but it’s Tigre sending the challengers to the floor, only to have Manik break up a dive.

DJZ comes back in and tries a dive of his own, which the camera misses. They saw him dive, but the crash is lost to the ages. Tigre and Everett’s dives are at least seen but Manik breaks up Everett’s climb attempt with some rolling suplexes. Manik and DJZ plant Tigre with a double facebuster but neither is able to get the belt down. Tigre comes back in with a reverse suplex into a Stunner on Everett, only to have Manik break up his attempt at the title.

Everett crushes the champ with a 630 for the big spot of the match. Not to be outdone, Tigre kicks DJZ to the floor and busts out a 450 from the top to the floor. Everett climbs on top of the ropes and walks across using the structure for balance but Tigre crawls over to kick him in the ribs for a big crash, allowing Tigre to retain at 9:42.

Rating: C+. It was fun and full of big spots but there’s nothing we haven’t seen before. Tigre winning is a good idea, but can we please get him a story? The only thing he’s had since he won the title was the joke with Donald Trump which was at least mildly entertaining as we got to hear something about him. Unfortunately, he’s never had anything in the ring to get people interested and it’s hurting things.

Post match here’s the debuting Gregory Helms to……raise Tigre’s arm. No attack or challenge or anything. One might think Helms vs. Uno could have been a good match for the title here but why have something interesting when you can have a gimmick instead?

The three people in the main event arrived earlier.

Here’s Ethan Carter III to complain about the main event being turned into a triple threat by the hands of his great Aunt Dixie. He rips on his opponents with Drew standing up for wrestling and Matt for already losing two title shots. Ethan has Bound for Glory in his blood but he’s beyond greatness. This was total and complete filler because they only booked seven matches on the biggest show of the year.

Bound For Gold Gauntlet Match

This is your standard gauntlet match, meaning a mini Royal Rumble but the final two will have a one on one match with the winner getting a future World Title shot. Mr. Anderson is in at #1 and his mic doesn’t drop. The guy has one aspect to his whole character and TNA managed to screw that up. Jesse Godderz is in at #2. They shake hands to start and Anderson scores with some armdrags. A gorilla press sends him into the corner though so Anderson offers another handshake.

Jesse catches the boot to the ribs but Anderson is waiting with a thumb to the eye. Eli Drake (minus the He-Man chest gear) is in at #3 and the heels double team Anderson. Mr. finally comes back with a double clothesline and it’s Al Snow (an unannounced name) in at #4. Al does all of his usual stuff including the trapping headbutts on Godderz. Jesse clotheslines Eli but gets dropkicked by Anderson.

Snow and Anderson clean house but don’t eliminate anyone until Aiden O’Shea (formerly known as Jay Bradley) is in at #5. He’s billed as a thug and looks like as a Sheamus knockoff. O’Shea hammers away and it’s Robbie E. (with no entrance video) in at #6. No eliminations yet. Robbie and Al form an awkward alliance to clean house until Snow punches Robbie in the face. A shot from Head eliminates Drake and it’s Mahabali Shera in at #7. Shera cleans house but stops to dance. As in the whole match stops for a dance party.

O’Shea finally remembers that he’s a brawler and starts fighting again, only to get clotheslined out to the floor. Tyrus is in at #8 and house is cleaned again. Everyone tries to slow the monster down and it’s Chris Melendez in at #9. Melendez kicks a few people with the combat boot until Tyrus puts out Melendez and Snow with ease. Shera is out as well and it’s Tommy Dreamer, in yellow polka dot pants, is in at #10. We currently have Dreamer, Tyrus, Robbie, Anderson and Jesse Godderz.

Dreamer gets in a low blow and cross body to put Tyrus down but Jesse dropkicks him in the face. Abyss is in at #11 and chokeslams Robbie. We get the showdown of the giants but since they haven’t ripped off a WWE gag in a long time, Pope jumps off commentary to enter at #12. Pope looks at Abyss and Tyrus, turns around and eliminates himself. Well at least it was funny. Dreamer and Anderson load up superplexes but Abyss and Tyrus turn them into Towers of Doom in a nice spot. Totally scripted looking but nice.

Abyss and Tyrus do another big staredown and it’s Tyrus getting the elimination, only to eat a double DDT from Dreamer and Robbie. Jesse and Robbie fight to the apron with Godderz grabbing a headscissors for the elimination. Anderson Mic Checks Dreamer and throws him out so it’s Anderson vs. Godderz vs. Tyrus. Another Mic Check lets Anderson eliminate Jesse so it’s Anderson vs. Tyrus in a regular match won by pin or submission.

Anderson picks Tyrus up for the Regal roll for two as Josh mentions that the winner of this can challenge for ANY title they want. That’s a new rule for the match and Pope immediately asks why you would want to try for any other title. Anderson tries another slam but Tyrus grabs a quick slam and drops a splash for the pin at 24:30.

Rating: D. It wasn’t horrible but it was clear that they were just filling in as much time as they could. On top of that, I’m supposed to get hyped up (potentially since TNA changes rules with thirty seconds to go in the match) for Brodus Clay vs. Derrick Bateman playing Diesel vs. Shawn Michaels? That’s the best they’ve got after all this time? I know Shera was stupid but at least he was a fresh name. Their solution is a 42 year old former dancing dinosaur? If that’s the best they can do, they’re in more trouble than anyone else is going to be able to save.

Post match Ethan comes out to say that he and Tyrus will be the next Tag Team Champions but Tyrus says he won this on his own. Therefore, he’s coming for the World Heavyweight Championship of the World.

Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. Brian Meyers/Trevor Lee

The Wolves are defending after taking the belts back from Meyers and Lee, who won with a Feast or Fired briefcase. Meyers and Lee attack to start but the Wolves take over on Brian with their smooth tandem offense. Brian gets Eddie into the corner and the challengers take over again with some hard stomps and a hair pull. Lee, billed as an internet sensation, pulls Eddie back to the corner and it’s off to Brian for a chinlock.

Meyers starts grabbing the leg before it’s back to Lee for a chinlock of his own. Eddie gets out with a Stunner but Brian breaks up a tag attempt. The chinlockery hour continues as the fans are trying to get into this. Eddie finally breaks free and dives over for the hot tag to Davey.

Everything breaks down and Eddie fights Meyers to the floor, leaving Davey to hit a handspring kick to the face. A t-bone suplex sends Lee outside and the Wolves hit stereo suicide dives in a nice spot. Back inside and Davey’s top rope double stomp gets two on Trevor with Meyers making the save. Lee’s German suplex gets a very close two on Eddie but it’s a hurricanrana to put Lee down, leaving the Wolves to hit something like Chasing the Dragon for the pin on Trevor at 14:03.

Rating: B. That’s probably the match of the night and I could live with that. The Wolves were never in any real jeopardy here but at least they got a good match here. Lee is definitely the class of the team as Meyers is just a guy in tights. The Wolves REALLY need competition at this point and it’s getting repetitive to watch them destroy everyone.

Drew Galloway says he’s in a No DQ match tonight and he’s willing to kill himself to be champion.

King of the Mountain Title: Bobby Roode vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley, wearing a sweat band, is challenging after answering an open challenge on Wednesday. Feeling out process to start with Lashley countering Roode’s wristlock into a headlock. Lashley’s delayed vertical suplex gets two and he easily escapes the Roode Bomb. A German suplex puts Roode down and we hit the chinlock. They seem to have a lot of time to work with here.

Roode comes back with a Blockbuster for two before they trade spinebusters. A running elbow knocks Roode off the apron and he crashes shoulder first into the barricade. Back in and the shoulder acts up, allowing Lashley to score with a powerslam. The spear gets two and a quick Roode Bomb gets the same as we do the completely traditional trading of finishers.

Lashley powers out of the crossface and grabs a Kimura. That goes nowhere either so both guys hit the other’s finisher for two each. They’re just going through the main event tropes here and it’s still not interesting after seeing it for years in WWE. Lashley pops back up and tries another Kimura, only to get countered into another Roode Bomb to retain Roode’s title at 14:17.

Rating: C+. Good match but nowhere near as good as their stuff from the beginning of the year. To be fair though that’s likely due to having no reason to fight each other besides “hey neither of us have a match.” It felt like a WWE style main event match and that’s fine in theory, but doing it for a midcard title that has more issues remembering what it’s called than who is fighting for it holds them back a bit.

Matt Hardy talks about growing up here in North Carolina and says nothing would be sweeter than winning the title in Charlotte. He’ll have to settle for the suburbs but Matt has always been a second rate version of a main event star.

Billy Corgan comes out to show us highlights from Earl Hebner being inducted into the TNA Hall of Fame and a package on Earl’s career.

Knockouts Title: Awesome Kong vs. Gail Kim

Kim is defending and these two have had a long rivalry over the years. Gail gets shoved down to start so she tries a headlock and gets thrown down again. You would think she would learn after the first time but wrestling rarely works that way. Kong nails a big clothesline as JB mentions that no one has had cell phone service in this building all day. Gail’s cross body gets two and the announcers start talking about her celebrity chef husband.

Kong hooks a camel clutch before switching over to a cross armbreaker. Gail rolls out and cranks on a front facelock. Back up and Gail tries something like a reverse Black Widow (as in Gail is upside down), only to have Kong Samoan drop her for two. This is technically fine but really not interesting stuff so far. Kong blocks Gail’s hurricanrana attempt and a middle rope splash gets two.

They head outside with Kong grabbing a chair but Gail’s husband Robert Irvine yells at her to break it up. As Hebner tells Irvine to sit down, Kong gives Gail a release Implant Buster onto the chair. The spinning back fist gets two back inside but Gail gets out of the middle rope Implant Buster with a kick to the head. More kicks set up Eat Defeat to retain Gail’s title at 10:05.

Rating: C+. Well sure why not. Gail can now head over to the other stories in the division and bore us against all of them for a change. This was their usual good match but I have no idea why Kong didn’t get the title back here as there’s really nothing left to see Gail do in the division and Kong hasn’t held the belt in years.

Jeff Hardy tells the creatures to mount up because nothing can save EC3.

Eric Young vs. Kurt Angle

This is a result of Young hurting Angle and Kurt coming back from injury to fight the crazy Eric. With no build, this is announced as a No DQ match. Young says he has no issue with crippling Kurt and taking away his livelihood but Kurt says this has been made No DQ, which the announcers already said. They head to the floor almost immediately with Angle in control, only to take it back in for a big belly to belly for two.

Young comes back with a piledriver and Angle rolls to the floor holding his head and neck. The match basically stops as medics come out to look at Angle. Kurt starts walking to the back but Young breaks it up and attacks the medics. Young throws Kurt back inside and hits him in the head with a chair. They head outside again and Angle grabs a German suplex to block a piledriver on the exposed concrete.

Back in and Kurt’s neck gives out again but he’s still able to flip Young off and roll some Germans. The Angle Slam gets two but Young pops up and sends him hard into the post twice in a row. The top rope elbow gets no cover as Young goes up for a second elbow drop to the back. Eric gets really evil and loads up a super piledriver, only to have Angle backdrop him out and grab the ankle lock. For some reason he lets go of the grapevine though and Eric gets the rope, only to have him pull Young back in for the grapevine again, making Young tap at 13:09.

Rating: D+. Well so much for Eric’s career and ALL HAIL KURT FREAKING ANGLE BECAUSE HE IS THE GREATEST THING EVER. This is TNA’s biggest problem in a nutshell: they’ve built Young up as this killer and then they have Angle come in and beat him despite Angle leaving in three months. All hail the old guys and screw anyone who might get over by getting a big win over them because that’s how TNA rolls: it’s all about people in their 40s and making sure they look as amazing as they can for one last payday because TNA’s future will take care of itself.

The announcers preview the main event a bit.

Video on the main event and of course the audio messes up. These jokes write themselves.

TNA World Title: Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III vs. Drew Galloway

Carter is defending and Jeff Hardy, Carter’s former employee, is guest referee. As usual, JB says Drew is standing when he’s kneeling. Tyrus tries to cheat thirty seconds in and gets ejected. Matt and Drew take turns punching Ethan in the corner and a clothesline puts the champ on the floor. Drew goes after Matt with some forearms to the back and a big headbutt as Ethan comes back in.

Carter knocks Matt out to the floor and stops to yell at Jeff for no apparent reason. A cravate slows Drew down but they trade cross bodies to drop both guys. Everyone gets back in but Matt and Ethan are quickly on the floor, allowing Drew to hit a big flip dive and take Hardy out. It’s table time but Drew picks Ethan up and hits a White Noise onto the steps for a big thud. Matt makes the save and puts Drew on top of Ethan (there’s no count for no apparent reason) for a double stack moonsault.

Ethan runs Jeff over by mistake and walks into the Side Effect but there’s no one to count. Carter is up first and puts Drew on the table at ringside, only to suplex Matt from the apron through Galloway in a big crash. Back in and a TKO gets two on Matt but Drew comes back in and tries to pull Matt off the top. Hardy headbutts him into the Tree of Woe but Ethan comes of to make it a superplex, only to have Drew do a sit up to add a German superplex in an impressive spot.

Matt and Drew slug it out so Ethan gives them both the 1%er at the same time for two each. The fans aren’t even reacting to these near falls and Jeff has barely been a factor so far. Ethan realizes that Jeff needs to get involved so he shoves the referee and demands a DQ. It’s No DQ though so Ethan grabs a chair, only to have Jeff take it away. Ethan slaps him again so Jeff lays Carter out with a Twisting Stunner. Drew adds a running boot and Matt hits the Twist of Fate on Drew for the pin and the title at 20:01.

Rating: C-. THEY ACTUALLY DID IT! They took the stupidest possible outcome of the three and actually went with it because TNA really is that stupid. Matt Hardy lost his two title shots, didn’t get the pin to get into this match, and then wins the title at 41 years old with help from his more popular brother when you have Drew at 30 and Ethan at 32 right there. Instead though, OLD GUYS RULE!

As for the match itself, it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. This was your standard triple threat match with some decent action but it didn’t do anything new. Galloway losing makes my head hurt but at least we had a watchable match instead of the disasters we had to sit through last year.

Ethan freaks out on Dixie in the back (because we NEEDED a Dixie cameo) and says she’s dead to him.

Matt’s wife and son get in, along with the Hardys’ dad (who looks like he would rather be ANYWHERE else) to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. To recap, Tyrus is 42, Gail Kim and Bobby Roode are 38, Kurt Angle is 46 and Matt Hardy is 41. These people are the winners and therefore bigger stars of the company. That’s your future people. A bunch of people who got famous in WWE (save for Roode) and are probably in the twilights of their careers. Now they’re actually setting up what looks like Matt Hardy vs. Tyrus for a title shot. I mean……yeah I think that speaks for itself actually.

Overall the show was just there. It had its moments and some good matches here and there, but that gauntlet just killed anything they could have gotten going. It was long, dull, and had a lame ending that not a lot of people wanted to see. The main event wasn’t bad and the Tag Team Title match worked, but nothing on here felt like a big match. A good chunk of that is due to how little time they had to build, but instead TNA decided their best bet to stay on TV was to have their all-star team beat a bunch of rookies and castoffs.

Matt winning the title was a fun moment but it’s really stupid when they’re in the position they’re in. TNA needs someone that fans can get behind and going off of a “HE FINALLY DID IT” moment isn’t going to make that work. This was much more about however many people they could find to accept free tickets tonight and not looking forward to the future, which has always been one of TNA’s biggest problems.

This show did nothing to make me think TNA has hope going forward and it was the same bunch of problems they’ve had for years now. Off to India like nothing is wrong though, because that’s the TNA mindset: shrug it off and pretend there are no problems while you get thrown off of yet another network because fewer and fewer people want to watch this nonsense.

Oh and in case you’re wondering: there was no mystery third announcer. Not mentioned, not referenced, not that it matters.

Results

Tigre Uno b. DJZ, Andrew Everett and Manik – Uno pulled down the title

Tyrus won a gauntlet match last eliminating Mr. Anderson

Wolves b. Brian Meyers/Trevor Lee – Brainbuster to Lee

Bobby Roode b. Bobby Lashley – Roode Bomb

Gail Kim b. Awesome Kong – Eat Defeat

Kurt Angle b. Eric Young – Ankle lock

Matt Hardy b. Drew Galloway and Ethan Carter III – Twist of Fate to Galloway

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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