No Surrender 2010
Date: September 5, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay

The main thing tonight is the semi-final matches in the world title tournament. They should be good but the rest of the card seems a bit lackluster. It’s not bad but I just don’t really care about what I’m seeing here. Dreamer vs. AJ on PPV? Really? This should be ok though as TNA PPVs can often surprise you. Let’s get to it.

We open with shots of the four guys in the semi-finals getting here earlier in the day. The video is your standard let’s hear from all four guys and get their opinions on the tournament. Nothing special at all but the idea works.

Tag Titles: Generation Me vs. Motor City Machine Guns

Ok so apparently London Brawling isn’t here so this is your replacement. Shelley and Jeremy start us off with some very nifty mat work. Shelley is in shorts here which is a weird look on him. Taz implies the challengers have an attitude now, which probably means a heel turn. Apparently Generation Me are Christian athletes. Nothing wrong with that, but interesting that this comes up just around the time they turn heel.

The fans call them the Bucks of course because they have to be smart right? Oh wait that’s the last name of Gen Me here right? It is as we prove again how stupid the name Generation Me is. Young Bucks is hardly a bad name. Shelley with a reverse Boston Crab into a surfboard. They’ve both been in there the whole time and just as I say that Sabin comes in.

We crank it up as Max hits an INSANE backflip into a Diamond Cutter. Neckbreaker on Shelly on the apron and Shelly may have a bad neck now. It turns into a gymnastics routine, which is always fun if nothing else. These are perfect choices for openers as they’re very exciting and gets the crowd going. I’d prefer them in the middle of the show though as they can breathe life into the show later if things start to drag.

The ring looks a bit smaller than usual here for some reason. Sabin gets the hot tag and it’s on again. Springboard Tornado DDT gets two. Cue R-Truth’s opening line as this is the part where we crank it up. Sabin and Max slug it out in the ring and another tornado DDT is blocked. Gen Me kick the heck out of Shelley and set up for More Bang For Your Buck. In a very innovative counter, Jeremy goes for a superkick but Shelley grabs it and throws the foot into Max’s head. Skull and Bones end it clean.

Rating: B. Solid opener as always between these two. They know how to just make things exciting and fire up the crowd, which is always a great thing to see in the opener. The Guns are without a doubt the best team in the world today and highlight the division about as well as anyone can. Very fast paced match that has me wanting to see the rest of the show.

Post match Gen Me jumps the Guns and beat up Shelley and continue the focus on his neck, including an elevated DDT to the floor. We get an X thrown up from the referee for dramatic effect. Nice to see them as heels for once. Shelley walks off with some help.

Taz and Mike welcome us to the show, 25 minutes in. They run down the main points of the card, which we’ve already bought.

X Division Title: Sabu vs. Douglas Williams

They say that this is the only singles title match tonight, which means the TV Title still isn’t on the line, which is a good thing. These X Factor things are again annoying. We get all these things already but we need a Powerpoint presentation to tell us them again? The Bombay, Michigan thing always makes me chuckle. Williams out moves Sabu to start as Sabu isn’t sure what to do here.

He’s one of those guys that can be decent in the ring but when he gets bad he gets really bad. It depends on how insane he goes I guess. We start on the mat a lot which is a nice change of pace. Slingshot legdrop is kind of a slingshot double boot as it sets up the one arm camel clutch. That name always makes me chuckle.

A table is set up at ringside but we get into the ring before it can be used. The fans of course aren’t happy about us sticking to actual wrestling. Taz talks about his rivalry with Sabu, which is a good thing. I’ve long since thought Lawler needs to remind fans that he used to be a wrestler and even a world champion. Most young fans probably don’t know that and it probably would give him credibility.

Sabu brings in a chair but does nothing with it again. Triple jump moonsault is just barely ok as it gets two. Loud Sabu chant which will be validation to keep him around according to Dixie. We hit the mat again and Williams uses some insane spinning chinlock. This hasn’t been great but it’s no trainwreck at all. Sabu goes No Mercy with a springboard back elbow. Williams kicks the chair into Sabu’s balls and gets a gutwrench suplex for two.

Sabu goes for a big assisted dive but can’t quite get it so he just jumps, and I use that word loosely, over the top. Williams is put on the table but Sabu goes through it instead. Was there a point to that being in the match at all? I mean what did that add at all? Hebner tries to get rid of the chair, allowing a belt shot to the head of Sabu to make Williams retain. Well at least he kept the belt.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t bad really. It’s no classic or anything, but this was much better than I was expecting. Sabu didn’t go completely insane and as usual, it was far better that way. Williams definitely should have won and thankfully he did. This was definitely a passable match and a nice surprise in a way.

Anderson says he’s going to preach tonight and gets the crowd to say they’re jerks. I hate that gimmick.

Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Skye

Madison in leather is something I could get used to. Tara interferes almost immediately as we get an early sex based chant. Dang I hate this crowd at times. Rayne goes for the head of Skye to start as this isn’t as good as expected. Knees to the crotch of Madison makes Taz wonder if that would hurt.

Are there any Knockouts other than the BP and Tara? If there are they never appear on TV. Tara goes for the helmet but Love makes the save. And then Velvet just gets a DDT to get the win. It was as abrupt as it sounds.

Rating: D. This just didn’t do it for me. It was on the exact level as a Divas match with very little wrestling but then again who cares about that when you have the looks? That was only half sarcasm mind you. The division has more or less died over this year and it didn’t get any better here. Pretty bad match.

Hardy, who looks a little blue, says tonight is for RVD. Well of course it is.

Abyss vs. Rhyno

This is falls count anywhere. Rhyno hits a nice dive to take out Abyss and we head to the back. They fight out near the amusement park as Taz is talking about a corndog. I haven’t had one of those in forever. Back into the Impact Zone as it’s your standard one punch knocks you three feet match here. The man beats goes into a trash can to give Abyss control.

The fans want Janice, once again proving how annoying they can be as they cheer the heel. Back on the floor again as Rhyno throws Abyss through part of the stage, where he is followed by Rhyno. The fans chant WE CAN’T SEE, which is true actually. We cut to Tenay and Taz, as I’m guessing Abyss needed a Twinkie break or something. And here comes Rhyno through the other side of the stage.

That gets two for Abyss so he rips apart the guard rail. Rhyno avoids it and hits a running clothesline because the Gore wasn’t appropriate there I guess? The fans chant for Rhyno, showing how fickle they are. Gore misses and a chokeslam onto a trash can gets two. He gets Janice but a Gore puts him down. Naturally it gets two, proving that the Stevie Kick is more powerful than the Gore. Black Hole Slam only gets two which is a surprise. Rhyno gores the guard rail and a Black Hole Slam ends it.

Rating: D+. Just a run of the mill weapons based match. Rhyno kicking out of the first Slam and Abyss doing the same with the Gore were nice surprises but they got no talking or reaction at all. This wasn’t horrible, but at the same time this just didn’t do much for me. Decent little weapons match, but the falls count anywhere portion was pretty pointless at the end of the day.

We recap Jarrett/Joe vs. Nash/Sting. I still don’t get the point of Joe being in this but whatever. This is one of the aspects of the THEY storyline, which isn’t a good thing as it needs to be toned down, but whatever. That and political storylines rarely work in wrestling, so let’s keep doing them right? This video is like 4 minutes long for no apparent reason.

Samoa Joe/Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting/Kevin Nash

Hogan isn’t here again, once again proving his worth to the company. Nash and Sting have the Wolfpack music going here. Sting and Joe start as we talk more about the vague references to things. Taz talks about the politics, which are RIVETING, yes RIVETING I say, to the casual fan that doesn’t get that meaning. Sting in a TNA shirt just looks weird. Joes takes down Nash with a big running jumping kick.

Nash comes in as we talk about how there is no Impact this week. Great to know that on a PPV rather than the TV show but whatever. Nash hits the side slam which is one of my favorite moves. And now we talk about politics and behind the scenes stuff, which makes my head hurt. I watch wrestling for wrestling, not a political drama. Stinger Splash and Jarrett is in trouble.

The crowd cheers for Sting, yet again not getting the point of being fans. Double clothesline and Sting and Jarrett both go down. Hot tag to Joe and the cleaning of house begins. Jarrett gets the bat and pops Sting a few times to a semi-heel (as heel as you can get in TNA that is) and the Clutch from Joe ends it as Sting is out.

Rating: D+. Not bad here but too short to mean much. The idea is that Jarrett shouldn’t have used the bat but did anyway due to insanity or something like that. It’s more overdoing an angle which is the last three months in a nutshell. Yet again a lack of answers which will lead to them just saying the same things over and over again.

We talk about AJ vs. Dreamer, which is the idea of EV 2.0 vs. Fourtune. The video really shows how messed up this feud is as most fans are likely to agree with Fourtune rather than the ECW guys. At least I do.

AJ Styles vs. Tommy Dreamer

I Quit rules. AJ hides behind the ramp to jump Dreamer as he comes through the curtain. Not a bad idea I guess. Shame that it doesn’t work though and we’re off and running. Styles shouts that Dreamer sucks while Dreamer chokes him. Dreamer gets a seated full nelson as he goes No Mercy as well. This has been more or less all Tommy so far, which gives me hope for AJ.

Styles takes over and goes for a figure four on the ramp, but Dreamer pops him with one of the lights that he rips off the ramp. Well that’s different. Crossface with….something across AJ’s mouth doesn’t quite work. Running clothesline while Dreamer is up against the ring. I don’t get how this is worthy of being an I Quit match already but whatever. There goes the padding on the floor which is old school heel stuff here.

Styles Clash on the concrete is blocked and AJ is in trouble after a shoulderbreaker. The fans cheer both guys. Can we get them a lesson in fandom? Semi-Pillmanizer to AJ’s arm and then Dreamer wraps the arm around the chair. AJ pulls a fork out of nowhere and goes for Dreamer’s face, resulting in another crossface. We head to the floor for a bit as Dreamer wraps AJ’s arm around the railing. AJ wraps Dreamer’s ankle around the railing because he’s a copycat. This of course doesn’t work either as we head back into the ring.

Figure four goes on but Dreamer rolls over. Figure Four on the post as I wonder what the post actually adds to it. AJ is kind of obsessed with that hold as he uses it for the third time in like 2 minutes. Dreamer finds the fork AJ had earlier but a Pele sends him to the floor. Suicide dive but AJ jumps into a kendo stick shot. Dreamer gets a crossface with the kendo stick around AJ”s eyes, but it breaks before he quits.

AJ gets another fork (has he been chilling with Abdullah lately?) and apparently stabs Dreamer in the eye with it. A thumb in the eye and a fish hook hold on the mouth makes Dreamer quit. The ending looked great as they continue to try to make AJ a heel no matter what they do. Shame he still gets cheered because HE WRESTLES LIKE A FACE.

Rating: C+. Very brutal and violent match, but again was there a point to having the stipulation there other than to have violence? I know they want it to be like ECW but do they want it to be that aspect of it? I wouldn’t think so, but then again I’m not TNA thank goodness. This was ok, but it just got a bit out there near the end.

Angle says he’ll win.

TNA World Title Tournament – Semi-Finals: Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy

Pope vs. Anderson goes on last? Really? Ah wait make sure we get Dixie a quick cameo. The fans are split here, which makes sense in this match at least. Long feeling out process to start which implies a long match. SICK powerbomb from Angle off a reversal but no cover. The fans think this is awesome three minutes in after one big move. They’re improving I suppose.

Angle is dominating for the most part here but Hardy keeps getting out. It’s rare to see a mostly face vs. face match but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. Angle with a reverse bearhug, which more or less equals sitting on the mat with a waistlock on Hardy. Slingshot dropkick misses first but not the second time. The fans of course tell Hardy that he screwed up because Heaven forbid he makes ONE mistake.

Belly to belly from Kurt as he still can throw one of those. Hardy gets a Stunner and Diamond Cutter which is of course called a Twist of Fate. How awesome is that running suplex that Angle does once in awhile? Angle slam sets up the ankle lock but Hardy gets out. Here are the Rolling Germans.

Moonsault and Whisper in the Wind both miss (as in there was no contact on the latter but Angle sold it anyway for two) so we head to the floor. Very solid match so far as they’re doing a slow build pace which is usually a good thing I think. Swanton hits Angle while he is on the floor so everyone is dead. Nice spot, drawing a Jesus Christmas line from Taz. Dixie is concerned and she looks like Morticia Adams.

Back in the ring and they slug it out. Kurt wins, getting a German before an awkward looking Frog Splash for two. The fans think this is awesome and for once they might have a point. It’s pretty good at least. After even more back and forth stuff, Angle takes two Swantons and manages to kick out.

A third gets knees and there’s the Angle Slam for two. We head to the floor again which lasts for about 4 seconds. Sorry for all the play by play but this is a very good match so it’s hard to make jokes. Ankle lock goes on forever (as in like a minute and a half), but Jeff doesn’t tap. There’s the bell, and it’s a time limit draw. There was no countdown or a time limit announced at the start of the match or anything, but what difference should that make?

Crowd COMPLETELY turns on this and boos the heck out of it. Cue Bischoff to add five more minutes. His ankle is dead though so there you go. Ankle lock goes on again but Jeff shakes it off. Naturally he’s mostly fine now and starts the comeback. Solid stuff again here as Jeff takes over.

So much for that as Kurt hits an Angle Slam off the top for two. I would have bet on that as being the ending. Hardy somehow sends him to the floor and Angle BARELY gets back in to avoid a count out. O’Connor Roll gets two and there’s a double clothesline. No pin though after Angle gets two at the very end so FIVE MORE MINUTES!

Ok is there a reason they just didn’t have one big long match? Jeff’s ankle is more or less done but Angle rams into the post. Angle is busted open after hitting the steps on the floor (allegedly). You know because there aren’t any steps in the ring so they had to be on the floor. Wow that was a stretch for a joke.

Hardy more or less puts on a Walls of Jericho and the blood is pouring out of Kurt’s head. Kurt reverses into the ankle lock but Jeff is in the ropes. Apparently being in the ropes for about 5 seconds doesn’t count anymore as Angle pulls him back to the middle of the ring and puts the ankle lock on for about 30 seconds but no tap.

Bischoff wants someone to look at Kurt’s head. This is pretty clearly filler as we need to spend time. Eric declares the match a no contest due to the cut. You have got to be kidding me. Also, do they really think Anderson vs. Pope is going to be able to follow this?

Rating: A-. Match was GREAT, booking is idiotic. This is a way to set up a triple threat or something (because they’re an alternative to WWE right?) like that. This was a great in ring performance though and one of Jeff’s best matches ever. This would be an A+ if not for the constant stoppages and the flat out stupid booking, but that’s TNA for you I guess: you have something great so you overbook it as much as they can.

Pope does a pretty stupid interview about enemas.

TNA World Title Tournament – Semi Finals: Mr. Anderson vs. D’Angelo Dinero

Shouldn’t this be for the title? They start on the mat as I wonder why this is on last. I guess so they didn’t have that idiotic ending end the show? Pope works on Anderson’s shoulder which plays into their feud, so there’s some continuity. I have a little trouble taking a match seriously when the fans all chant Anderson’s catchphrase. Anderson can’t really use the arm at the moment which is some nice selling.

Anderson works on Pope’s shoulder as this is a very slow paced match. Pope blocks a top rope suplex and Anderson goes to the floor. This has been pretty good but the slow pace is hurting it a bit. We hit the near falls aspect of the match and it’s still entertaining. Mic Check is blocked so Anderson hits it 2 seconds later for two. Crowd is pretty much dead mind you. DDE misses and Pope jumps into the Mic Check to end it. Anderson advances to the finals to fight….uh someone. Big F Bomb by Anderson after the match.

Rating: B. Pretty good match here with nothing notably bad and a totally clean ending which is nice. The crowd was just DEAD after the previous match though which is a bad thing and it hurt the match a bit. This was good though and much better than I expected from these two.

Overall Rating: B. Pretty solid show I thought. Nothing is really horrible other than the booking in the Angle/Hardy match. The matches all worked and have been built up to an extent on Impact. The PPVs are usually far better than Impact and this was no exception. With a great match in the first semi-final and some good stuff for the rest of the show, how can you really complain here? Solid show and I liked it FAR more than I expected to.

The show is tomorrow and I forgot to put this up until now.

There are only two things that matter so here are my picks for them:Given how they’ve changed the finals of the tournament from a fourway at the beginning to a tournament (I might have imagined that one since it makes the most sense) to whoever has the most points, I have no idea who is winning it.  I mean it’s not like TNA did anything on Impact to make us care about the matches or tell us who needs to do what to win for people that were being sold on the PPV at the last show, but that would have made sense and is why TNA never grows its audience.  I’ll take Roode for lack of anyone better.

As for the main event I’ll take Angle I guess but I’m not caring about the match or the show much at all.

Your picks?  You can predict any of the matches of course.

Impact Wrestling
Date: September 8, 2011
Location: Von Braun Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s week two in Alabama and it’s also the go home show for No Surrender. That being said, we only have most of the card so far and the world title match has only been announced on Facebook instead of, you know, on the TV show which the majority of the audience actually sees. The big thing tonight is the return of Jeff Hardy on the day that he was sentenced to ten days in jail on drug charges. The return speech could be very interesting. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about Jeff Hardy and the mess that was Victory Road. He’s back tonight you know.

We also get a clip of last week where Hogan beat Sting up with a chair and cost him the world title. Anderson gets his rematch tonight.

Here’s Anderson to open the show. He talks about how he hasn’t had much to say the last few weeks because he’s been a man of action recently. He signed a deal with the devil though, and that was his own fault. Anderson welcomes the boos for it. The wide shots are really good to see here as there are actual people there instead of it looking like they’re in a lunchbox.

He turns his attention to Bully Ray for keeping him on the outside looking in. Anderson promises to be more annoying than ever before and tonight it starts with him going after Angle. Anderson brings up the dreaded rematch clause and he’s cashing in tonight. He knows it won’t be one on one and he points to the ramp. Here’s Sting to be Anderson’s backup. Sting says he’s like a fungus that won’t go away. This week he’s got the power of the Network and he’ll be the enforcer in the main event.

D-Von/D’Angelo Dinero vs. British Invasion

Winners get Mexican America on Sunday. No intro for the Brits. Magnus vs. D-Von to start. Off to Pope quickly who hammers away with elbows to the head. Williams comes in and slows things down a bit as you would expect from him. A clothesline gets two for Magnus. Mexican America are on commentatry. A middle rope elbow by Magnus gets two for Williams.

Pope fires off a DDT to Magnus and both guys are down. There’s the hot tag to D-Von who cleans house with right hands and power moves. Powerslam gets two on Williams. A Cactus Clothesline by Pope puts Williams on the floor and a release spinebuster by D-Von ends Magnus at 3:56. They seem fine despite almost always having problems.

Rating: C-. Just a quick match here but it wasn’t that bad. Didn’t D-Von not particularly like Pope last week though? Also this is the best they can do for #1 contenders? They’ve won a total of one tag match (this one) and now they get a title shot. That’s wrestling for you I suppose.

An MMA fighter comes in to see Angle.

The Final Four in the BFG Series are Gunner, Roode, Storm and Ray. The matches Sunday are Roode vs. Gunner and Storm vs. Ray. The guy with the most points after those matches go to the PPV. It’s not a tournament, it’s really a points system to go to the biggest show of the year.

All four finalists are in the ring and Ray gets JB out of there. He respects Beer Money but neither of them is going to Bound For Glory. Ray talks about how tag teams want to become great individual wrestlers and every team has done it. Gunner is a guy that is willing to put his personal desires aside and will make sure Ray goes to BFG to win the title. Wrestlers are selfish so Beer Money won’t lay down for each other.

Roode says he doesn’t buy any of what Ray said but they have their eyes set on the world title. They want to be world champion and Sunday only one can walk out #1 contender. Roode asks Ray who is going to be the better man. It’s going to be Roode or Storm because it’s not going to be Gunner or Ray. Roode promises the Beer Money fans that no one will ever split them and no one will ever kill Beer Money. There’s a fatal fourway later on.

We get a recap of Eric’s Hollywood Adventures.

TV Title: Robbie E vs. Eric Young

That MMA guy is on commentary again. What he has to do with this is beyond me but who cares. Robbie keeps trying to put his feet on the ropes for covers and the referee stops counting. And there go Eric’s pants and he’s wearing Jersey Shore style trunks. He hits the top rope elbow for two. A piledriver ends this at 2:51. I’m fine with these antics if the title is defended.

Rob Terry beats up Young post match with a Last Ride.

RVD is looking for Jerry Lynn and hey there he is. Rob gets in his face and Jerry asks what about him. He complains about having to get a real job instead of getting contracts like Rob did. Eric and Hulk called him and asked him about showing up and he said he’s better than Rob. He admits to screwing him and Rob beats him down.

Velvet talks to Mickie who has a dog with her. She mentions wanting to be champion someday. Karen comes in and complains about life in general, saying get rid of the dog. Winter gets her rematch at No Surrender.

Jeff Hardy is here.

TNA World Title: Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle

Sting is guest enforcer. They exchange headlocks to start and it’s a tossup. Angle takes Anderson down with a clothesline and we hit the chinlock. They collide in the middle of the ring and both guys are down. They’re mirroring each other so far. Anderson tries to speed it up but gets caught in a belly to belly for two. Angle Slam is countered and Anderson hits the rolling fireman’s carry drop for two.

Kurt counters the Mic Check and hits the Rolling Germans for two. There go the straps and the ankle lock goes on. Anderson manages to roll through and get two before the Mic Check gets the same. The referee takes a thumb to the eye so Kurt kicks him low and hits the Slam but Sting pulls the referee out. Anderson hits another Mic Check but here’s Gunner for the DQ at 7:12.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t into this as it felt like they were just going through the motions to get to the DQ ending. I can’t stand matches like that because they’re boring and don’t show anything that these guys are capable of. Not a good match for the most part but when you handcuff them like this there’s only so much they can do.

Immortal beats down both guys post match. The fans chant for Hardy but that gets them nowhere.

Immortal is celebrating while Eric is on the phone and doesn’t look happy. He tells them to go outside and isn’t happy with what he hears. He’s almost freaking out about it, asking if it’s a prank call. No idea what it is.

Mickie James/Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love/Winter

Winter vs. Velvet to start but it’s off to Mickie vs. Angelina before there’s any contact at all. Mickie snaps off a rana out of the corner but a Winter distraction results in a kick to the ribs. Velvet gets a blind tag to come in and a low dropkick gets two. There’s a weak monkey flip and she takes both Winter and Angelina down with a headlock/headscissors combo. Love cheats again and Velvet gets beaten down for awhile. After a long beatdown she makes the hot tag to Mickie and we get the title match preview. With the big hulabaloo going on, Winter sprays blood into Mickie’s face at 5:10 for the pin.

Rating: D+. Love is so skinny it’s getting scary. Other than that, this was your typical Knockout tag: it’s not bad but it’s better than the Divas which is the entire point. I’m still not sure why they gave Mickie the title back already and I hope they don’t give it to Winter again on Sunday because it would be pretty stupid to have the change that fast. This wasn’t terrible though.

Here’s Austin Aries to say he’s going to win the title Sunday. He tells the fans to shut up a lot so clearly he’s not a nice person. Aries calls Kendrick a hypocrite and calls out Kendrick here and now. Here’s the champ in a suit with a briefacse. He talks about being tired of being a social outcast and wants to be a success, like Aries. “I’m even wearing shoes!” And yeah he hates them. He goes into a bit rant about how he needs to be free to reach his mother earth and quotes Buddha a bit. Kendrick calls the title materialistic and Aries insults him a lot. The brawl is on and Aries runs.

Hogan is freaking in a good way and Eric is still upset. He talks about going to the beach and Eric says we’re not done yet. The Network isn’t happy. Because of the beating that Hogan is so happy about there’s a three way for the title at No Surrender with Angle vs. Sting vs. Anderson.

James Storm vs. Robert Roode vs. Gunner vs. Bully Ray

One fall to a finish here. It’s tornado rules too. Here’s Joe almost immediately and here’s Morgan just as fast to stop him. Morgan vs. Joe on Sunday also. Ray and Storm stand tall for a bit until Ray runs Storm over. Beer Money cleans house and teases going at it until Ray breaks that up. Gunner goes for a cover and Ray isn’t happy with it. A big clothesline gets two on Roode.

Storm comes back in with a top rope cross body and beats up Gunner a bit. Roode hammers on Gunner and hits the spinebuster for two. Beer Money teases it again but instead they suplex Gunner and SHOUT THEIR NAMES. Ray runs them both over and takes them both out with power stuff. Gunner hits a running knee to Ray’s head for the pin at 5:00. That was nice as he was left in the background and then stole the pin.

Rating: C. This was ok but it was nothing great. I wish this had been the way the BFG Final went at the PPV because it would make more sense but I guess they need to flesh out the card more and have some overly complicated rules. Not bad here and Gunner winning was a nice surprise also. Nothing great but not bad.

Here’s Jeff with like two minutes left. He talks about how he was messed up last time and he’s sorry about it. He had a problem and hit rock bottom there. Everyone is mad at him and he can’t blame them. His eyes look decent at least. He wants one more shot. The fans chant one more shot. He says all he can do is ask and that’s it.

Overall Rating: B-. Pretty good show this week but you can see a lot of problems. For one thing we got three title matches added with three days left before the PPV, one of which is the main event. That’s a match that could draw in some people and they’re adding it in at the last minute. The Hardy thing is too early to tell but my initial instinct is not to trust him, which is partially the point and all of the problem. Good show this week but No Surrender feels thrown together and that’s not good.

Results

D-Von/D’Angelo Dinero b. British Invasion – Spinebuster to Williams

Eric Young b. Robbie E – Piledriver

Mr. Anderson b. Kurt Angle via DQ when Gunner interfered

Winter/Angelina Love b. Mickie James/Velvet Sky – Winter spit blood in James’ face

Gunner b. James Storm, Robert Roode and Bully Ray – Running knee to Ray

Impact Wrestling
Date: September 1, 2011
Location: Von Braun Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

No we’re NOT IN ORLANDO TONIGHT! This should be a nice change of pace and it’s always interesting to see the difference between a burned out crowd as the Orlando fans are as opposed to see a fresh group of people seeing it. We get some more building towards No Surrender and it might be the last night of the BFG Series. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Hogan to open the show and threaten to get in a fight with a fan in the front row. He talks about how the Network has approved Sting’s request for a match with Flair which will be in two weeks on the 15^th. If Sting wins, it’s Hogan vs. Sting (no date mentioned but Sting said BFG and I can’t imagine it would be any other date) but if Flair wins Sting has to retire. He says it’s time for the Network to start bowing to Hogan instead of the other way.

Here’s Kurt and Hogan apologizes for Dixie screwing him over. Carter can never run things again so tonight it’s Angle vs. Sting so that Angle can cut the cancer out of TNA once and for all. Angle says all of Hogan’s enemies are now his enemies. He promised to take out all of the young guys and would be glad to add a veteran to it.

This brings out Sting who does his usual insane stuff. He’s willing to fight Angle tonight because he wants to I guess. Sting is happy to face Angle so he can move onto Flair and then the big prize of Hogan. Once he beats Hogan, the evil will leave Hogan. Sting goes to leave but Hogan says cut the music. Hogan thinks there’s something going on so Hogan is the guest enforcer.

We get a clip of Crimson being beaten down by Joe and having his leg broken last week. He’s officially out of the BFG Series.

Ray talks about being in the Final Four of the BFG Series and says the title is next.

Roode talks about working his entire career to gethere.

Storm talks about wanting it more than anyone else.

Bound For Glory Series: Gunner vs. Rob Van Dam

For all intents and purposes, the winner is the fourth man. Everyone else is mathematically eliminated and I’m not going to bother listing off the points tonight. It almost has to be Rob going but that would make too much sense so I’m not sure. Joe comes out almost immediately and Morgan jumps up to stop him. Joe kicks him in the balls but security sends him out.

After that we’re back to the match at hand and there’s not much going on. Gunner gets a slingshot suplex but Rob almost rolls out of it. Rob fires off some kicks and hits the Rolling Thunder. Here’s Jerry Lynn but Rob sends him to the back which is probably smart. Rob actually shows some intelligence and doesn’t try to go for the Five Star after being on the floor for a bit.

They trade rollups and Rob falls off the top trying to hit the one footed kick. Rob goes up again but Lynn comes back and shoves him off the top, allowing Gunner to hit a running knee for the pin at 4:57. Lynn’s smile is pretty awesome. This also puts Gunner into the four way at No Surrender as the fourth man.

Rating: C. The match was so-so but the point of this is it sets up a few stories and potential matches. I’m hoping they save RVD vs. Lynn for Philadelphia because it’ll guarantee a huge response no matter what the match looks like. I’m not sure I get why Gunner is going to be in the four way but it’s better than some other choices. At least they seem to have a plan here, which is a big upgrade for them.

Angle vs. Sting is for the world title. I didn’t realize that.

All of the Knockouts are coming to the ring for the announcement about Knockout Law.

After a break here are Eric and Traci for the announcement. Eric praises the Knockouts but then says at the end of the day, they’re still women, meaning they can’t stay focused and are always whining. Traci came to him and offered to lead the Knockouts and more sex is implied. However, Traci isn’t in charge. Karen is and Traci is MAD. Karen has her own music which is an upbeat version of Jeff’s without lyrics.

Karen says the difference between her and the rest of them is she’s a lady. They have to respect her as well. First of all, ODB and Jackie have contracts. Dang it dang it DANG IT. Traci will still have a job, beneath Karen. You can form your own visuals on that one. She’ll be Karen’s assistant, meaning servant for the most part. Tessmacher looks at her bad and is threatened with being fired and sent back to the cabaret.

During the break Winter and Mickie had a staredown and Mickie shoved her, resulting in a catfight.

Jesse Sorensen/Brian Kendrick vs. Kid Kash/Austin Aries

Aries vs. Kendrick at the PPV. Kendrick vs. Kash to start with Kendrick moving way faster than Kash. Arm drag brings in Sorensen who hits a nice dropkick and grabs an armbar. Aries comes in for a bit and is out just as fast. The heels don’t seem to get along but they manage to keep Sorensen in trouble for a bit. He hits a foot to each of their chests and there’s the moderately hot tag to Kendrick.

He kicks both of them and it’s off to Sorensen who gets crotched and almost superplexed. Tower of Doom hits as we go old school X-Division. Sorensen looks dead but manages to send Kash to the floor. Aries hits a suicide dive on Jesse and celebrates a lot. Kendrick is like the chipmunk has pneumonia and takes Aries out. Back inside Kash hits a top rope clothesline and a release suplex to set up a powerbomb but Sorensen rolls him up for the pin at 5:10.

Rating: C+. They packed a lot of stuff in here but it was cool to see an old Cruiserweight style match. It advances both feuds but it’s still nothing I’m dying to see either way. It’s not great but for what it was supposed to be, which was just a five minute match to have Aries vs. Kendrick for a bit, this was fine.

We get a video on Winter and Angelina which was thankfully changed around a lot to keep it from getting way too creepy. Now they’re just vampires which is a lot better than what it could have been.

Winter talks to Angelina about having other lives again. Winter promises to suck the life out of Mickie and the two of them will feast on her bones.

Mickie is tired of the voodoo nonsense. She’s going to wrestle tonight, so Winter needs to bring her A-game.

Video on Jeff Hardy and we actually have the Victory Road incident referenced.

Angle is having coffee and Hogan comes in to yell. He wants Angle to come to New York and take care of the Network, specifically saying kill them. Angle isn’t happy. Hardy gets to have a live mic next week. Oh dear.

Knockouts Title: Winter vs. Mickie James

Mickie goes nuts on her to start and grabs a rollup for two. Angelina tries to throw the belt in and gets ejected. Mickie grabs a half crab and Tazz says it’s very hard to get out of. Less than 3 seconds later Winter grabs the rope and is out of it. Great analysis there Brooklyn dude. Mickie has dominated most of this. The jumping DDT is avoided and both grab the other by the hair and slam them into the mat.

Winter tries that spinning slam but Mickie gets some elbows in and a rollup gets two for each chick. A slow jumping DDT hits for Mickie but Winter gets her foot under the ropes. I’m really glad that wasn’t the ending as it would have looked bad. Enziguri puts Mickie down for two. Winter tries to choke Mickie with something but Hebner makes the save. Mickie kicks Winter upside her head and gets the title back at 6:00.

Rating: D+. This got sloppy in some places like Mickie intentionally having to cover Winter weird so she could get the foot on the ropes. I cannot stand stuff like that because it looks so fake and totally takes the drama out of a near fall. I also don’t get the point in putting the title right back on Mickie after Winter had it for just a few weeks but since this is TNA, I’m sure the answer is “GIVE IT MORE TIME.”

Video on Styles vs. Daniels which is basically Daniels wondering if it’s worth it anymore and wanting one more match to prove it to himself and the fans.

Here’s Morgan to rant about Joe. He says it’s one thing to go after everyone else but now he went suicidal by attacking the Blueprint. He wants a referee too. Joe comes out and beats up the referee and the fight is on. Morgan slugs away and Joe goes for his eyes. Morgan escapes that arm drop move Joe has been using and hammers away.

There are the elbows in the corner and a running Umaga shot in the corner. Joe bails to the floor but pulls the tall guy with him. Morgan loads up the Carbon Footprint but steps on the steps too much, letting Joe know he’s coming. Joe kicks him in the little blueprints and cracks Morgan with a chair to leave him laying. Morgan tries to get up and Joe cracks the arm with a chair against the post, trying to reinjure the torn pec.

Robbie E talks to Rob Terry again and is interrupted by Eric Young. They talk about working out and THE TV TITLE WILL BE DEFENDED NEXT WEEK!!!!! I need my medicine!

Styles and Daniels say it’s time for the last match. They talk about someone coming back again but don’t say who.

Hogan is mad about Hardy coming back and tells Immortal about it. Abyss is standing off in the back and isn’t happy it seems. Hogan talks about how the deck is stacked against Sting tonight and implies that he’ll be calling the rest of Immortal out to help Angle in the main event.

AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels

Back and forth stuff to start as they know each other so well. Daniels works a headlock which gets him nowhere. A big knee drop gets one for AJ. They go to the floor for a bit and AJ gets a bridging inverted chinlock (that Benoit submission that needs a name) and a gutbuster/backbreaker combo for two. Running STO gets two for Daniels but AJ hits the springboard forearm for two.

This has been very back and forth which makes sense given their history. They strike it out and AJ hits a Pele to send Daniels flying. The backflip into the reverse DDT is blocked and Daniels tries a moonsault (not the BME) which gets knees. AJ tries a springboard something and falls, letting Daniels grab the pin at 7:20.

Rating: B-. The match was good but the ending was designed to look like a botch and Daniels stole the pin. That’s perfectly fine if it leads to Daniels turning which he needs to do badly. It came off like he won on a fluke, which is he celebrates as a legit win will be perfect. It kind of cut the match off out of nowhere, but that’s what needed to happen. This was pretty good overall and the psychology was on.

Post match Daniels won’t shake his hand and is all happy that he finally won. It’s about time he turned.

TNA World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Sting

Hogan is guest enforcer on the outside. Sting has blue on his singlet tonight. They speed things up to start and Sting controls, sending Angle to the floor for a breather. Back in Kurt takes over and grabs a sleeper which doesn’t last long as Sting gets a belly to back. Angle snaps off a German for two but Sting grabs the Death Drop for the same.

Kurt grabs the ankle lock but Sting is able to escape. Angle gets all ticked off but charges into a big boot. There’s the Scorpion with Kurt tapping and Hogan calls out the troops, distracting the referee. Gunner runs down with a chair but the referee takes it from him. Hogan uses the distraction to pop Sting in the chest with a chair and that does nothing. Sting Hulks Up but gets caught in an Angle Slam onto the chair for the pin at 6:35.

Rating: C. This was their usual stuff played at fast forward. The problem of the time not being there for the main event comes into play again as this main evented a PPV a few weeks ago and now there isn’t even seven minutes to give to them. Not anything of note here but I guess it advances Sting vs. Hogan a bit.

Post match Sting gets up again but all of Immortal comes out for the beatdown. Anderson runs out with a bat and cleans house.

Overall Rating: C-. It really is amazing how the crowd being fresh can make a difference. They felt alive tonight and the look of the arena was much better. It felt more professional rather than second rate like they usually do in Orlando. Not a horrible show but the wrestling left a bit to be desired, namely due to nothing having a chance to get going.

For regular TV matches that’s fine but for stuff like the main event which is a big match, it needs time to develop which it didn’t get, due to having to cram everything into the show and have segments that just didn’t need to be there, like Hogan being mad at Hardy and the Knockouts coming out for the Knockout Law thing. This wasn’t as bad as some of their shows but it still wasn’t anything excellent.

Results

Gunner b. Rob Van Dam – Running knee to the head

Brian Kendrick/Jesse Sorensen b. Kid Kash/Austin Aries – Sorensen pinned Kash with a sunset flip

Mickie James b. Winter – High kick

Christopher Daniels b. AJ Styles – Pin after Styles slipped off the top rope

Kurt Angle b. Sting – Angle Slam onto a chair

Impact Wrestling
Date: August 25, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s another week closer to No Surrender, meaning the BFG Series is getting close to a finish. Tonight we have Angle vs. Crimson in what is almost guaranteed to have a screwy finish due to them both being big deals at the moment. Also I’m sure we’ll get more from the Hogan/Sting/Flair saga. Anyway let’s get to it.

Also I’m not watching live so the timing may be a bit off.

We open with a recap of the two major storylines in the form of Sting/Hogan/Flair plus Angle/Crimson.

Speaking of Angle, the champion opens us up and is in ring gear. He wants to talk to Crimson and here’s the big man. Angle says Crimson wants to be the big star and wants to be famous. Tonight he’ll face the consequences. Crimson talks about respect and Angle says Crimson has to earn it. Crimson says bring it and he’ll still be standing at the end of the match.

Cue Immortal with Ray saying that Crimson needs to respect Angle. Ray asks Kurt if he’s a part of them and Angle says he can handle this himself. He tells Immortal and especially Jeff to stay out of the match. It’s time to make Crimson famous.

ODB and Jackie talk to Velvet and are partners for some reason tonight. Velvet agrees to have their backs and the other chicks say they could take Velvet out and only the cameraman could see it. ODB just walks off.

The 8/16 episode of Impact was the highest rated ever in England and Ireland. That’s a perk.

Eric and Hogan yell at Flair, telling him to make Sting go away because Hogan isn’t getting in the ring with him, period. Flair says he’ll make it up to Hogan tonight. Hogan says he needs one thing from Ric and that is for Flair to keep his mouth shut. Nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan right?

Jackie/ODB/Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love/Sarita/Rosita

Jackie and ODB are still trying to be all nice to get their contracts. Jackie rolls up Sarita for two quickly as I’m really trying to care about them. Off to Velvet and Rosita and it’s face miscommunication time! After a lot of tagging it’s off to Sarita vs. Velvet in an old feud rekindled. As almost always it goes badly for Sky and the triple team begins in the corner. It’s saying a lot that Velvet Sky being triple teamed by three hot chicks is so uninteresting.

Angelina hasn’t been in yet and is complaining that the team is only working between the two of them. She tags herself in to beat on Velvet a bit more and is promptly kicked off. Since Velvet is there for her looks though she doesn’t take the wide open tag. I guess she isn’t a fan of ODB/Jackie either. Everything breaks down and the unlikely partners tease beating up Velvet in a triple team but save her instead, giving Angelina a double suplex and putting Velvet on top for the pin at 4:07.

Rating: C-. I know I use this term a lot but this was just a six person tag. It’s nothing great but this advances the whole ODB/Jackie thing and possibly starts something with the Mexican chicks against Angelina. If we can get some fresh feuds in there I’m all for it. This wasn’t nearly as bad as some of them have been lately.

Jesse Sorensen vs. Kid Kash

This is #2 vs. #3 respectively but I doubt those numbers are going to mean much for awhile. Kash looks old and Sorensen is a face, carrying a football with him because he’s from Texas. Well I guess a weak gimmick is better than no gimmick. Kash dominates early, hitting a suplex into a release slam.

Moneymaker is blocked and Sorensen starts his comeback with a HHH leaping knee and a pretty sweet dropkick for two. Something resembling the McGillicutter gets two and Jesse goes up. Top rope cross body gets a very close two and I’m liking this Sorensen a bit. And never mind as Kash reverses a rollup and uses the tights for the pin at 3:01.

Rating: C. I liked Sorensen a lot more than I thought I would. The guy can jump pretty well and was trying to play to the crowd a bit also. The football thing doesn’t mean much but it needs time to develop obviously. Kash I don’t see the appeal to as he just looks old. He’s not bad or anything but he’s about as the same as you can be after many years.

Post match Kash yells at Sorensen, calling him a boy. Jesse is all bring it on but he gets pie faced and security breaks it up.

BFG Series stuff with Gunner saying he wants to win it. Roode and RVD say the same thing.

BFG Series Standings:

Crimson 50

Bully Ray 42

Bobby Roode 42

James Storm 40

Gunner 35

Devon 30 (Injured)

Rob Van Dam 25

AJ Styles 24

Matt Morgan 24 (Injured)

Scott Steiner 21

D’Angelo Dinero 17

Samoa Joe -10

Does Joe ever get any matches anymore?

Bound For Glory Series: Rob Van Dam vs. D’Angelo Dinero

Morgan is on commentary because it’s a BFG Series match. Face vs. face here I think and there’s no Jerry Lynn. They’re going fast out there and Rolling Thunder hits knees. Thankfully Pope got his knees up above his chest instead of Rob just missing it which I can’t stand. Forearm gets two for Dinero.

Rob takes over again and gets a reverse bridging chinlock (Benoit used it a lot and their backs are to each other. You know the move) and then an abdominal stretch as he’s looking for the submission. They’re using the psychology here which is good to see. DDT gets two for Pope. Top rope fist drop gets two for Pope but he gets his head kicked off, resulting in a surfboard getting the submission (REALLY???) at 5:00. Rob won if that wasn’t clear.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this and while the psychology makes sense, I’m not wild on it at all as Rob using a submission just looks weird. Why wouldn’t he use the move like that the rest of the time if he can get a clean submission that fast? Not a horrible match or anything but it really could have been better given more time.

Back from a replay and Joe is here attacking Pope’s knee. He puts on a leg bar until D-Von hobbles out (he’s injured and out of the Series) and stops in front of his kids. The kids go make the save but he yells at them and eventually asks for a chair. Joe bails but D-Von did make the save.

Robbie E asks Rob Terry to be his partner/bodyguard. Terry says he’ll think about it and leaves.

Immortal has a meeting about their match and Steiner is mad.

Angelina is on the phone and the Mexican chicks come in and beat her down. Winter makes the save and FREAKS, choking I think Rosita with a curtain cord. The male Mexicans make the save.

For about the third time tonight we see some boots in the back.

Bischoff hits on Traci as she might be doing the Knockout Law thing again. Something important here: all that is mentioned here is Eric is thinking about Knockout Law. There’s no explanation about that or what Traci’s name is, so to someone new to the show, this is kind of confusing no? Eric wants to get together and sex is implied.

Here are Hogan and Flair to end the Sting situation. Hogan says the main problem right now is there’s a problem. He calls out Sting and the crazy dude is here. Hogan says this needs to end tonight because it’s gone way too far. Sting has no fries left in his Happy Meal now. Hulk says we can’t have all this craziness going on and even says he might be partially to blame. From this point forward the company will be run perfectly.

Sting says deal on one condition. Hogan says deal as he’ll do anything. Sting wants….milk and cookies for everyone. Maybe some balloons and a unicorn as well. What about puppies for all the people and some flowers (including a stereotypical gay voice for that one). This prompts some Mr. Nanny level acting from Hogan as he’s stunned. Sting kisses him on the cheek a few times and heeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Ric!

Flair goes into one of his usual insane moments, shoving Hogan and talking about how he’s the real insane one and he’ll beat Sting up when they fight because Sting respects him too much for the kill. An F Bomb is dropped in there also. Hogan is freaking Sting makes fun of Flair anyway. Sting doesn’t mind going through Flair to get to Hogan because he’s crazy like Flair. Sting wants Hogan at Bound For Glory, which I think we’ve all known was the ultimate end game for the last few months.

There’s supposed to be a hardcore BFG Series six man here but AJ comes out instead. He calls out Daniels who isn’t in the match tonight. AJ wants to talk about the rematch that Daniels wants. He doesn’t get why Chris wants the rematch and wants to know why right here. Daniels isn’t sure if he has it anymore and if he can do it at the top level anymore. He isn’t sure if he wants to be a wrestler anymore. AJ says one more time and it’s a big emotional moment. Daniels wants it at No Surrender but AJ says he’ll be in the BFG Series Final there so how about next week. Daniels says cool.

AJ Styles/Beer Money vs. Immortal

Ray/Gunner/Steiner here. This is Hardcore remember. Big brawl to start and Storm spits beer at someone, just like Steiner does at Roode. No one has been in the ring yet but they don’t have to be here. I think whoever gets the fall here gets the points. Gunner vs. AJ in the ring now and Abyss is watching from the ramp. Dang AJ has a great dropkick. It only gets one and here’s Steiner with a belly to belly.

Roode comes in and gets the Blockbuster for two. Ray kicks his head off for two and there have been no tags at all so far. Now it’s Storm with a kick to the head and a cross body for two on Ray. The former champs hit a double suplex on Ray and SHOUT THOSE NAMES. Roode looks jacked here. AJ wakes up and hits a HUGE dive to the floor to take out Ray. He’s holding his knee though.

Gunner sends Storm into the set for two and Steiner misses a chair shot. Abyss is still lookint down at them. We go split screen which for once is a good idea. The fans boo because as usual, THEY CAN’T SEE ANYTHING. Beer Money is getting beaten down and Storm has a locker dropped on his knees. Gunner, ever the smart dude, walks away as AJ hits the springboard clothesline for two on Ray back in the ring. Gunner comes back and AJ is distracted, letting Ray hit the Bubba Bomb for the pin on AJ at 6:00.

Rating: C. Meh just another six man hardcore match. It’s not bad or anything but it wasn’t great. Right in the middle works pretty well I think. It’s good to see someone move up in the ranks in the form of Ray but I’d like to see someone with an actual chance of going to BFG get the points instead. At the moment it’s looking like Beer Money, Ray and Crimson. For some reason, that doesn’t blow my skirt up.

Immortal sets for a beatdown but Anderson comes into the back in a Hummer for the save. He gets the chain from Ray and leaves Gunner gushing blood. I guess Anderson vs. Gunner or Ray can be penciled in for BFG. Granted it’s Anderson so who knows with him. Abyss walks away. I forgot he was even there.

Mickie rants about Winter/Angelina (not by name for awhile because that could tell people what they’re talking about) cheating and how she’s getting the title back next week.

Now it’s time for some Eric Young shenanigans as he finally finds Scott Baio. It actually turns into a chase scene and Young, in his underwear, jumps out of a tree onto Baio and counts the pin himself. Ladies and gentlemen, the TELEVISION CHAMPION!!! (for those counting, this would be the 12^th Impact in a row where the TV Title hasn’t been defended).

Crimson vs. Kurt Angle

There are some big match intros for you. This is non-title. The fans are split here and Crimson shoves him around to start. It’s almost all red man so far. There’s the cravate which have some knees and a neckbreaker added in for two. Angle finally gets in a shot to the bad knee and it’s time for a break.

Back with Angle holding a weird kind of arm/chinlock on Crimson. Double shoulder block puts both guys down and there’s a suplex for two. The German is no sold and the spear from Crimson gets two. There’s the ankle lock with the grapevine and Crimson actually manages to escape. The leg is no sold again and the Red Sky hits. Joe comes in for the DQ at 10:45 total as you would expect.

Rating: C+. Not horrible but the ending was all they could do. The problem here was that they had nothing else to do. With Crimson possibly looking to be in the main event of BFG and being undefeated, we can’t have him lose here. At the same time Angle can’t lose clean to him so the DQ ending was all they could do.

Joe and Angle have a brief staredown but Angle leaves so Joe can beat on him even more. Crimson no sells THAT and Joe runs.

Mike and Taz run down the card for next week.

Crimson says he wants Joe next week. Joe jumps him and beats him down (with ease) and breaks his leg using a cinder block, the steps and the power of fat.

Overall Rating: C. We’ll go with right in the middle here as there’s nothing too horrible on it but there’s nothing all that great either. Joe was the main focus of this show as it seems like he might be trying to take out everyone else and get in the back door of the tournament, which isn’t a horrible idea actually. I’m hoping they don’t do that as I wouldn’t want the whole thing to be wasted, but I’ve heard of worse ideas. Anyway not bad here but nothing great.

Impact Wrestling
Date: August 18, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Tonight we’re likely to get the fallout of Angle attacking Crimson last week as well as Sting vs. Hogan/Angle. I’m not wild on either story but that’s what we have to go with leading up to No Surrender. Also we should get an answer from AJ about Daniels challenging him for another match at the same PPV. Also there are Bound (get it?) to be be more Series matches. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s Angle segment with Sting and Hogan. The idea is Angle is mad at Dixie for lying about Karen and Jeff. Now he’s going after all of the young talent one by one, starting with Crimson.

Here’s Sting to open the show, chair and bat in hands. Sting stops to roll down the ramp. Uh…sure. He says it was a redoing of last week where he got beaten up. He doesn’t remember what happened but he does remember that he was nervous, as his shirt says. It was however awesome to be beaten up by Hogan, who still has the (cue singing) Eye of the Tiger.

Sting says the fans and he both want to see the Hulkster back in the ring right? He starts a Hogan chant because he wants Hogan in the ring tonight. Instead he gets…Ric Flair. He asks if Sting just called Hogan the greatest ever. Sting is in fact an icon and people ask Flair when they’ll wrestle again. The fans want one more Flair vs. Sting match. There goes the jacket and Flair says in order to get back to where he uses to be, he has to wrestle Sting again. He doesn’t have to win, but just wrestle him. If he beats Sting, Sting retires. If Sting wins, Flair will deliver Hogan to Sting.

Sting asks the people and they seem into it. Flair smells like garlic and Sting accepts the match.

Post break Flair goes into Hogan’s office and Hogan is FREAKING. Hogan wants to know if Flair is on goofball pills. He thinks Sting should be dead and Flair says it’s not a big problem. Flair says he’ll get the troops together tonight. Hogan swears he’ll never wrestle Sting so Flair hugs Hogan and kisses him on the cheek. Ok then.

Bound For Glory Series standings:

Crimson 50

Bully Ray 42

Bobby Roode 35

James Storm 33

Devon 30

Gunner 28

Rob Van Dam 25

Matt Morgan 24 (out)

AJ Styles 21

D’Angelo Dinero 17

Scott Steiner 14

Samoa Joe -10

There are three weeks left and the final four advance to BFG.

D-Von says he’ll beat Scott Steiner and is going to BFG.

Bound For Glory Series: Scott Steiner vs. Devon

D-Von’s kids are there of course. He takes over to start and gets a pair of two counts quickly. And never mind as Steiner gets a rollup and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin at 1:10. What the heck was that?

Post match Joe sneaks in on Joe and beats him up, putting a leg hold on him. D-Von’s kids want Pope to come help him but they jump the railing (security around here sucks) to stop it and Pope comes in late for the save.

There’s an X-Division gauntlet which determines the rankings of the division and #1 contender next.

Post break Joe says don’t act surprised because this is how he does things. He’s taking everyone down with him. He’s going to take out the entire Series.

Alex Shelley vs. Tony Nese vs. Kid Kash vs. Robbie E vs. Zema Ion vs. Jesse Sorensen vs. Mark Haskins vs. Austin Aries

This is a gauntlet match. Shelley vs. Haskins (who looks like Morrison but less tanned and built) with Shelley beating the tar out of him. The first person out is #8 in the rankings, making the whole rankings stupid because whoever got the first two spots have a 50/50 chance of being last. Shelley keeps trying Sliced Bread but Haskins keeps blocking it. They trade pinning combination attempts and Haskins gets something resembling the inbred cousin of the GTS for the pin at 1:56.

Robbie gets pinned at 2:20 (total time on each, meaning there were about 24 seconds between pins).

Ion comes in third and hits a missile dropkick and some nice stuff including throwing Haskins’ face into Ion’s feet (yes that’s what happened) for two. A 450 gets the pin at 3:30.

Off to Sorensen who starts fast but gets taken down just as quickly. 450 hits knees and Ion is gone thanks to something like a spinning DDT at 4:20. This is why I hate gauntlet matches: the pins come WAY too fast.

Nese is in next and likes to attack by running. The rankings are in reverse order, meaning that Shelley is #8, Robbie is #7 etc. German gets two on Sorensen. That same spinning DDT ends Nese at 5:50.

Kash comes in and we take a break. Back with Kash hitting a moonsault for two on Sorensen. Only Aries is left. Moneymaker, the double underhook piledriver is countered into a rollup for the pin at 10:50.

Aries is in last but Kash comes in and hits the Moneymaker to kill Sorensen. Aries comes in and puts his foot on the chest for two. Brainbuster is countered into a small package for two. There’s a running dropkick in the corner and now the brainbuster ends this at 12:20 total.

Rating: D. I cannot stand these kind of matches. Why in the world should I believe that a regular match should take longer than a minute and a half now when something like this had seven pins in less than 13 minutes (with who knows how much it was shortened during the break)? I wasn’t a fan of this, namely due to the speed of the pinfalls which is a problem with these matches in general.

Aries talks about Kendrick post match and the champ comes out to offer a handshake which Aries declines. Kendrick jumps him and beats the tar out of the #1 contender.

Flair is getting ready for a fight. Don’t tell me Sting vs. Flair is tonight.

Sting is pacing in the back.

Anderson is out with two ruptured eardrums.

BFG ad.

ODB and Jackie are excited for a match later where they’re going to get a roster spot. Oh freaking joy.

Traci comes in to see Eric and he hits on her. She has an idea for Eric and wants to be Knockout Law again. In essence she’s in charge of them and Eric makes her lean over so he can look down her shirt. She was in Playboy dude.

ODB vs. Mickie James

Mickie gets her rematch on September 1. Mickie hammers away but gets caught in a fallaway slam. I think Mickie’s hair is blonder now. It’s power vs. speed here and Mickie gets a neckbreaker to put both of them down. They nip up at the same time and slug it out. Some clotheslines put ODB down and a rana is blocked. James is sent to the floor and Jackie wants to jump her but can’t. Mickie gets back in but the DDT is blocked. Bronco Buster misses for ODB and the DDT hits this time, ending things at 5:47.

Rating: D+. Wasn’t feeling this one at all but I think that’s more for my utter disdain for Jackie. I’ve never been able to stand her, namely due to her being so freaking LOUD all the time. Her voice is annoying and I have no idea what people keep hiring her for. Her matches aren’t anything of note and she’s not interesting at all. Either way, the match was dull, namely due to ODB focusing on rubbing her body too much.

Winter and Angelina have a weird moment over the title. Just get them to a lesbian scene already. She says she can beat Mickie. They’re having wine and it looks like it’s got blood in it. Winter calls it orgasmic.

Bound For Glory Series: Rob Van Dam vs. AJ Styles

Lynn is outside again. Technical stuff as usual to start as they feel each other out a lot. AJ gets a backbreaker for two. Knee drop gets the same. BIG monkey flip sends Styles down though and it even gets a replay. Rolling Thunder hits for two. Lynn gets annoyed and Rob isn’t pleased with Jerry getting up.

RVD gets crotched and AJ looks to take over again with a superplex but Rob counters. Five Star hits knees and Styles gets two. They slug it out and an attempt at the Clash is broken up. AJ hits the Pele and Lynn pulls the referee out for the DQ at 5:22, costing RVD another ten points.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match but with only five minutes these two aren’t capable of getting anything going. That isn’t their fault but it’s really just kind of reality. Either way this wasn’t anything special. It felt like a collection of spots as a means to the end of the match, which was Lynn interfering. It’s pretty clear they’re going for RVD vs. Lynn at BFG, which isn’t a bad move. The match wasn’t bad or anything but it didn’t have time to go anywhere.

Rob yells at Lynn post break.

Flair is talking to no one it seems and things start moving around. He says Sting isn’t the Joker and we hear a pipe fall. Flair keeps looking for him and more stuff moves/falls. He calls out Sting but all he hears are more noises. Something big falls and Flair says he’s counting to five and is starting at four. He doesn’t have time for this as he has to go to a bar later. Sting finally appears but someone jumps him. It’s Gunner and Sting rams him into some boxes. Flair fires Gunner and leaves while Sting keeps beating on him. Sting tells Gunner he’ll go somewhere someday.

Time for more Eric Young hijinks. He tries to wrestle some woman and wants to find Scott Baio, again. He’s told Baio is in the Valley and the showdown is next week. Good for it.

Crimson is here and is limping.

Here’s Crimson in the arena and he’s limping badly. He says he used to respect Angle and calls him out because they have some issues now. Angle doesn’t respect him because he’s a nobody. The young talent, built around Angle, has meant nothing. Without Angle, Crimson is uncoordinated and green. Angle says Crimson needs him (Angle) to get anywhere. Crimson says no one in the back disrespects Angle and Angle calls Crimson nothing.

He goes to leave and Crimson stops him. Crimson challenges Angle for next week where he’ll show him why he’s the future and and the here and now. He’s REAL. He’s DANG REAL.

Mexican America says they’ll win the titles next.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Mexican America

The Jarretts are on commentary here. This is billed as the final showdown. The champs take over to start as Jeff talks about Mexico and is way funnier than he should be, especially given what he’s talking about. Hernandez gets a shot in on Storm and takes over, also getting two. Off to Anarquia who gets two off a double shoulder block.

Jeff and Karen are shocked that Tenay speaks so highly of the Guerreros. He accuses Hector of having some cerveza as Storm gets a shot in on Anarquia but Hernandez breaks up the tag. Border Toss is countered into a Codebreaker and here’s Roode off the hot tag. Blockbuster gets two. Angle has accepted Crimson’s challenge. Beer Money hits a slingshot into a DDT on Anarquia.

Double suplex puts Hernandez down and LET’S SHOUT OUR NAMES! Rosita comes in and spits beer in Storm’s face which doesn’t work for some reason here. They go after her and Karen bounces down to ringside. Jeff comes down as well and the distraction lets Hernandez get a shot to the head of Roode with the AAA belt and the Mexicans win the titles at 7:25.

Rating: C. Match wasn’t bad and they really needed to dot he title switch here. Beer Money had held the titles forever and the switch is the right thing here, especially with the Jarrett Mexican Champion thing going on. Not a great match or anything but it accomplished the goal that it needed to, which is really all you can ask for here.

Overall Rating: D+. This show wasn’t without merit but it felt like it was boring for the most part. It’s very hit or miss and the misses caught up with it at the end. Sting and Flair were on screen WAY too much tonight. The problem with that is it takes up from other stuff you can do, like have a match for example. Winter and Angelina are vampires or something (totally more serious than leprechauns right?) and Eric Young is still in Hollywood because COMEDY IS GREAT, especially when it keeps the champion from defending his title in two and a half months right?

On the other hand the Crimson thing was good and you can see the shapings of the next two PPVs really coming into focus. Having Joe do the run-in post match was interesting and it would make me think he’s going to No Surrender, but if he can never get a match how is that supposed to happen? I guess that’s what house shows are for but they’re rapidly running out of time. Anyway, hit and miss show tonight and it certainly wasn’t horrible, but it missed for the most part I thought.

Results

Scott Steiner b. Devon – Rollup with feet on the ropes

Austin Aries won a gauntlet match last eliminating Jesse Sorensen

Mickie James b. ODB – Jumping DDT

AJ Styles b. Rob Van Dam via DQ when Jerry Lynn interfered

Mexican America b. Beer Money – Hernandez pinned Roode after a belt shot

Impact Wrestling
Date: August 11, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the show after Hardcore Justice which last year was the Whole F’N Show but this year is more of an explanation show. Angle turned heel (it seems) on Sunday by hitting Sting with a chair to win the title. Hogan was there also but there was no evidence that he was combined with Angle. It should be interesting as we’re getting close to BFG time which could be rather shaky indeed. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from after the PPV ended and Angle says he took an opportunity which is something Sting would have done as well. We also get some stills from the match which shows Angle using the chair but Hogan not being involved. Kurt is champion now and he’ll take it like he did.

Here’s Immortal including Abyss to open the show. Anderson stays a few feet behind Ray and is the last in line. Ray is the mouthpiece as usual and says that Abyss is becoming a huge disappointment. He wants to know if Abyss seriously lost to AJ at the PPV. Abyss is on thin ice with Bischoff. Tonight there’s a fatal fourway in the BFG Series with three Immortal members and Crimson. Ray says he’s winning the series and winning the title.

On to Anderson now and Ray doesn’t like him. However he was impressed by the beating Anderson took on Sunday. Anderson belongs in Immortal and Immortal can benefit from having him. They need to put their problems aside though because it’s about Ray being world champion and Immortal taking over TNA and all that jazz.

He sticks his hand out to Anderson but Anderson laughs and doesn’t shake it. Ray yells at Anderson for not taking him seriously and the fight is on. Steiner tries to break it up so Anderson beats him up too. Gunner and Abyss get in a shot and a kind of weak beatdown is on. Ray loads up the chain and blasts Anderson with it to leave him laying. Anderson is bleeding and Ray says get him up again. Security comes down and gets beaten up to. The TNA agents come out and Immortal leaves. Didn’t see that coming. He’s taken out on a stretcher as we go to a break.

Back and Anderson doesn’t want to be on the stretcher but he’s taken to the hospital.

Bischoff apologizes to the team for bringing Anderson in. Ray says it’s ok. Eric says Hogan is coming here as is Angle. He doesn’t know what’s going on with Kurt though. Abyss says we’ll be ready. Eric doesn’t like the term we.

Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James

Winner is #1 contender to Winter. The mist from Sunday is now called blood. Oh and Mickie is fine. She tries to grab a rollup like she did at Lockdown. Madison gets on the mat and kind of kicks at Mickie who is just standing there. Now she throws what looked like a bracelet to James and while the referee isn’t looking goes for the eyes. Madison tries the hump the mat thing but Mickie counters into a rollup with a nice view. Spinning seated dropkick gets two. Mickie nips up and the Thesz Press off the top. With Madison’s tiara on the jumping DDT ends this at 3:00.

Rating: C. More or less a squash here for Mickie but when the girls look like this I can live with it a bit more. Mickie getting her rematch is a good thing because she got cheated out of the title in the first place. This was fine I guess and Mickie looked good both from a wrestling standpoint and a looks perspective so I’m fine all around here.

Angle is here.

Robbie E vs. Brian Kendrick

Austin Aries is on commentary. Non-title here I think. Robbie jumps Kendrick while the music is still playing. We’re on a chinlock less than a minute in. Kendrick gets sent to the floor and Cookie steps on his head a bit. Robbie yells at her for some reason. Back inside now and they slug it out with Kendrick winning. He fires off a bunch of forearms but Sliced Bread is broken up. Cookie sprays the hairspray into Robbie’s eyes (referee is like cool, whatever) and Sliced Bread ends this at 2:43. This was fine.

D-Von and Pope are talking and Pope gets a text from someone congratulating them on their match. D-Von congratulates Pope on the win but says if he cheats him tonight it’ll be a beating. Pope says let’s go win but D-Von doesn’t trust him still.

The Jarretts are here with Mexican clothing on.

Robbie yells at Cookie post break and there’s a lot of cursing. Cookie blames him, Robbie blames her, they say it’s over.

Bound For Glory Standings

Crimson 43

James Storm 33

Devon 30

Gunner 28

Bully Ray 28

Bobby Roode 28

Rob van Dam 25

Matt Morgan 24 (injured)

AJ Styles 21

D’Angelo Dinero 17

Scott Steiner 14

Samoa Joe -10

Bound For Glory Series: Beer Money vs. AJ Styles/Rob Van Dam vs. D-Von/D’Angelo Dinero

Rob’s left hand is taped. Christopher Daniels pops up on commentary and the match starts after a break. After the break (complete with the mini screen of Daniels talking) he challenges AJ to a rematch from Destination X. After issuing the challenge he leaves. D-Von starts with RVD and it’s off to Pope quickly. AJ comes in in a Lockdown 2010 rematch. Storm is tagged in and tried to steal a pin but AJ breaks it up.

D-Von and Pope work well together, resulting in a two count for D-Von on Storm. Storm goes up to the middle rope and hits an elbow, allowing Roode to get the tag. Spinebuster gets two on Pope but Van Dam saves. Beer Money, being the only real team in this, double teams the best as things quickly break down. AJ comes in with the forearm but D-Von takes him down with a spinebuster/chokeslam. Pope and D-Von clear the ring and set for something on AJ but D-Von takes Pope out by mistake. Roode comes in and a fisherman’s suplex pins Pope at 5:00.

Rating: C+. Pretty decent three way tag here and we get more of D-Von vs. Pope. It’s the same stuff we’ve been getting for the most part but at least it’s something. I think at least. Anyway, the Daniels vs. AJ 9 or whatever should be good if not a bit pointless. Beer Money winning shouldn’t shock anyone since they’re the champions and all.

Angle is up next.

Angle thanks the fans for their caring about the PPV. This isn’t about him joining the dark side or anything like that. He thanks Sting also. This is about Karen and Jeff and the marriage stuff. Someone that isn’t a wrestler called him and told him not to blame Karen or Jeff. There was a third party that caused the divorce, and that was Dixie Carter.

He went to Carter three years ago and was told that she knew nothing of the affair. The third party (the person that called him) told Kurt about this. Carter lied to prevent a media disaster and Kurt didn’t kill Jeff to prevent one also. This is the beginning of him keeping Carter from coming back and he’s going to stop all of the young talent to keep her away.

Angle goes to leave but Sting pops up on Kurt’s riser in the stage. Kurt holds up the chair for defense but Sting knocks it away with the bat. Angle drops down to his knees and Hogan comes out and cracks Sting with the chair. Angle says Hogan was the informant that told him about all of the affair and Carter’s lies. Hogan wears him out with the chair. He throws Sting in the ring (Sting in jeans is a weird sight) and beats him down with fists. Kurt comes in and Hogan raises Kurt’s arm.

Video on BFG being in Philadelphia and how this is the most important show of the year.

ODB/Jackie vs. Tara/Miss Tessmacher

There’s a Tessmacher chant as she and Jackie start us off. Tessmacher takes her down with a dropkick and it’s off to Tara who gets a sunset flip for two. Off to Tessmacher who does her stupid thing in the corner. Tara vs. Jackie now and a side blockbuster gets two for Tara. We get about the fourth headlock of the match and Tara avoids some cheating. Off to ODB now and Jackie won’t let her throw a punch. Tara gets a superplex to slow ODB down and everything breaks down. Jackie and ODB set for a stomping but Jackie says no. Brooke (her official first name now) takes the heels down and rolls up Jackie for the pin at 5:20.

Rating: D. This was either weird or stupid. The evil ones now have to play nice to impress Bischoff or something after being all evil for like two months. Why we’re supposed to care about them is beyond me but whatever. The match sucked, namely due to the girls not being sure what they were doing. Brooke is improving though.

A bunch of guys are outside Bischoff’s office.

The X-Division is in Eric’s office. Abyss is there and is scolded for messing things up. There’s now a 225lb weight limit on the division. There’s going to be a #1 contender gauntlet match next week. Aries sucks up to Eric a bit and gets to stay while everyone else leaves.

Here are the Jarretts in Mexican clothing. We get some clips of Triplemania where Jeff won the AAA Title (which is censored from the show). Jeff says this is all an act or something but it’s real. Jeff needs to learn the nuances of Mexico and needs the endorsement of the Mexican people and for the Immortal Title. He’s gone all over the Mexican cities (his words) and has gotten endorsed. He has the Lopez Brothers in the back to endorse him. They’ve done the landscaping for TNA since 2007.

It’s implied that they’re illegal aliens and their names are Jose and Jos-B. Say it out loud and you’ll get the joke. They’re both kind of short but it may be Jeff’s sombrero. Jeff wants an endorsement but they don’t speak English. They see Hector Guerrero in the Spanish announce table and FREAK, wanting him to come to the ring. Now they only know how to talk about Guerreros. Jeff beats them up but Hector comes out for the save. This was hilarious and one of the funniest things TNA has done in a LONG time.

Eric Young is still in Hollywood and is looking for Scott Baio. I give up.

Anderson, looking like a zombie with blood on his head still, is here again and comes into Immortal’s locker room (complete with lockers) and gets jumped by Gunner. There’s what sound like a beating with a chain that we don’t see.

Matt Morgan comes out for commentary, now out of his sling.

Bound For Glory Series: Crimson vs. Bully Ray vs. Gunner vs. Scott Steiner

This gets big match intros because it’s the last match. You have to tag in this. Ray starts it off but it’s off to Gunner very quickly. Crimson takes over quickly and grabs the cravate for some knees to the head. Gunner takes him down and Ray wants in. Crimson gets up so Ray tags in Steiner. Scott beats him down and there are the push-ups. Gunner uses the numbers but Crimson gets things going and sends Gunner into Ray and rolls up Gunner for the pin at 5:07.

Rating: C-. Nothing here really but the idea of Ray being scared to fight Crimson and the lack of Anderson running in was fine. It was good to make Crimson look good but at the same time it was pretty dull. What does it say that Immortal can’t beat one guy in five minutes though?

Post match Angle comes down and beats up Crimson, mainly going after the leg.

Overall Rating: B-. While there were some bad parts to this, the show overall worked pretty well. They’re setting up BFG now with some big matches it seems. I’m not thinking I’ll like most of them but they’re certainly setting them up which is the most important part right now. Either way, this was one of the better shows they’ve put on in awhile and much better than last week. I’ll even ignore the lack of ANY match reaching 6:00.

Results

Mickie James b. Madison Rayne – Jumping DDT

Brian Kendrick b. Robbie E – Sliced Bread #2

Beer Money b. AJ Styles/Rob Van Dam and D-Von/D’Angelo Dinero – Fisherman’s suplex to Dinero

Miss Tessmacher/Tara b. ODB/Jackie – Rollup to Jackie

Crimson b. Scott Steiner, Bully Ray and Gunner – Rollup to Gunner

Hardcore Justice 2011
Date: August 7, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

Well at least there’s no ECW tonight. This card looks like it’s loaded up with a lot of stuff that not many people other than the really big fans would be interested in. The main event is Sting vs. Angle because goodness knows we haven’t seen those two fight enough in the past. I’d assume some kind of shenanigans because this is a TNA show after all. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Sting vs. Angle with Sting going all crazy. He seems to like it. Angle is coming after Sting and the title though. Sting needs the belt right now to help fight Hogan and Bischoff and bring back Carter. Sting says he hasn’t snapped but that he just feels good. Angle says that it’s just business.

They even have a sponsor tonight: Direct Auto Insurance. That’s a good thing.

X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Alex Shelley vs. Austin Aries

Taz says he sees a lot of himself in Aries. Not sure on that one. Kendrick has some weird new music and he’s back in the shorts. Well long shorts but whatever. There’s a big brown thing on the front that looks like a huge patch. Aries is sent to the floor quickly and has no issues with just chilling out there. Well you can’t say he’s not thinking. Not that this isn’t the strategy of almost every heel in a triple threat or anything but still.

Down to a one on one match at the moment and Shelley takes him to the mat. They ask for Aries to come back in but he declines. Alex throws on a wristlock as Aries is getting back in very slowly. And never mind as he’s right back outside. The fans are behind Shelley here. Shelley backs him into the corner and Aries holds him in place there. Not sure why but he just kind of did.

Shelley pops Aries on the apron and Austin is down again. Ah there he is and never mind as he’s knocked to the floor again. They totally botch something as Shelley is suplexing Kendrick and Aries is supposed to catch him but he misses Kendrick completely. Then Austin rakes Shelley’s back…and falls down. No idea what that was supposed to be but it’s booed loudly.

The faces slug it out and Shelley is sent to the floor. Austin pops Kendrick to stop the dive though as Taz calls him a funky looking possum. Kendrick gets backdropped to the floor and hits his foot/ankle on the apron on the way down. Aries sets for a dive of some sort but Shelley breaks it up. What’s good for the funky possum is good for Skunk Boy I guess. Aries sends them both to the floor and stands tall for a few seconds. The Possum flies and his advantage continues.

Back in a Lionsault by Aries lands on the knees of Shelley. Aries is down and Kendrick gets caught in a Crossface. The only non rodent named person gets to the rope. Alex can’t get Sliced Bread but does get a Dragon Screw Leg Whip to put the champion down. Shelley goes up for what presumably was to be the splash but Aries makes the save. I’ve never gotten that: why not let Shelley take Kendrick out THEN jump Shelley so you can steal the pin on Kendrick?

Aries is sent to the floor (film at 11) and Shelley puts that freaky leg lock on the champion again. Aries saves and bulldogs Shelley, putting him into an inverted chinlock (Benoit used to do it a lot). Kendrick vs. Aries now and Austin takes two different feet to the face. Sliced Bread is countered again so they try a Tower of Doom/Mega Sliced Bread move on Shelley but Kendrick falls off the top. Brainbuster hits Shelley but Kendrick saves and hits Sliced Bread to Aries onto Shelley, who he pins to retain.

Rating: C+. The botches hurt this a lot here, especially the one at the end. When one noticeable botch happens it’s understandable it’s ok but two that big in one match hurts it too much. Still though, pretty fun although they never hit that huge gear you would have expected. A lack of dives, the whole point of the division, hurt it also. Still though fine for an opener and nothing bad.

Tessmacher and Tara talk about the brawl with Sarita/Rosita and we get to see why Tessmacher should be seen and not heard. Tara guarantees a win and says “Come on Brooke.” It’s about time she had a first name.

Knockout Tag Titles: Sarita/Rosita vs. Tara/Miss Tessmacher

The challengers (I’ve been yelled at for referring to a Mexican that portrays a Mexican who is called Mexicans as a Mexican so it’s challengers now) look good in their red, white and green flag outfits of a country it’s apparently racist to say by name. Tessmacher looks good in red but not as good as in blue. The challengers’ male counterparts (who are of no apparent nationality or race whatsoever) are sent to the back.

Tara vs. Rosita (loving the white shorts) start but it’s off to Sarita who looks like a freaky Christmas present. The challengers keep tagging quickly as it’s back to Rosita who snaps off a rana on Tara. Tara’s response: KICK HER IN THE FACE. Why mess with the basics? This breaks down quickly and it’s Tessmacher being all feisty. She gets her face rammed into the buckle though and the challengers take over.

The fans chant for Brooke and then Tessmacher. Tazz makes an Andy Devine reference or something similar to that. Tessmacher gets beaten down but manages to grab a rollup for two and a tag as well. Tara comes in but the Widow’s Peak (is that offensive to spiders? Insects maybe? Why not a thorax peak?) is broken up and Tara gets dropped on her shoulder out of a double underhook slam.

Rosita kicks Tara into a cover by Sarita for two. Sarita really likes to dance. Must be a freaky Christmas present looking thing. Widow’s Peak is countered again into a rollup by Rosita for two. Mike keeps calling Tara Powerfully Hot. I really hope that isn’t an attempt at a new nickname. Tessmacher makes the save again and this time, the third time (racist against even numbers much?) the Widow’s Peak (complete with its own chant) ends Rosita.

Rating: D+. They were playing up the power vs. speed thing here but it didn’t work for the most part. In short (or tall. Please don’t sue me!) it’s just boring. There’s no interest in these titles and I see no real reason for this match to have happened other than to get the rematch clause out of the way. The tag titles need to die already because they never had a point to them and the depth isn’t there anymore to support it.

Pope is trying to send out a tweet to D-Von to say the match doesn’t need to happen. If he’s so close to D-Von’s family, why not just go to them and get D-Von’s number? Pope says he’s been a good influence on the family so he doesn’t get why D-Von is mad. It’s going to be intense though because of the BFG aspect of it. He’s going to do the right thing.

D-Von is a submission away from being tied for first in the Series. That’s not right. Like at all.

Bound For Glory Series: Devon vs. D’Angelo Dinero

Matt Morgan is the official analyst for the Series now. I think he has a new version of his theme music but maybe not. D-Von’s kids are in the crowd and Pope says hi to them on the way to the ring. At No Surrender the top four in points will have two singles matches and the person with the most points after those matches go to Bound For Glory. Dudes, just make a tournament. Quit making it overly complicated.

Pope says D-Von is like his big brother and he expect a lot out of him, just like the kids expect something out of him. Their relationship is more important though so Pope is going to do the right thing again here. Morgan isn’t happy because he’s injured and Pope is laying down on this opportunity. D-Von isn’t taking it though and says get up, albeit it in more colorful language.

Basic stuff to start including D-Von getting a hip toss and covering, with Pope holding him down in an attempt to get pinned. Why doesn’t he just tap out while in a wristlock ala Chavo Guerrero? More basic stuff until Pope hits a forearm to take over. There’s a lot of arm work in this so far. Why do wrestling companies keep thinking we want to watch commentators talk? I didn’t pay $40 to watch Matt Morgan talk.

D-Von takes over again and it’s back to the arm. Jumping back elbow gets two, just like a headbutt. Out to the floor and Pope misses a charging D-Von, sending him into the post. Pope gets a chain and hands it to D-Von’s kids. Morgan is getting fed up with the total lack of focus on the match and I’m starting to agree with him.

Dinero starts getting something going and hammers away on the head a bit. Top rope cross body gets two. The crowd doesn’t seem to be all that interested. When you can manage to bore the Impact Zone, you might be really freaking boring. Pope sets for the DDE but stops dead, allowing D-Von to spear him for two. Morgan sighs and is about to growl. D-Von tries a chokeslam (really?) and gets rolled up for the pin. Sloppy rollup too.

Rating: C-. The match was ok, but it’s D-Von Dudley vs. Elijah Burke for nine minutes on a PPV in 2011. That sounds like something off a really bad indy show. This story has been going on for several months now and it’s more or less right where it started: Pope likes the kids, the kids like Pope, D-Von doesn’t like Pope. Are the kids going to turn on D-Von or something? Why would they do that? Why is this getting so much time? I don’t understand it.

D-Von wants to leave but his kids say shake his hand, which D-Von does.

RVD says he’ll beat Crimson when Jerry Lynn pops up. He says he’ll be in RVD’s corner and that’s that I guess.

We recap Winter vs. Mickie James which has been set up for months now but it’s not an X-Division match so it got put on hold. Angelina and Winter are working together because the zombie thing is over.

Knockout Title: Winter vs. Mickie James

Winter’s song is pretty awesome. Mickie and Winter are both looking hot here. Mickie takes over to start and grabs a leg. Kind of an awkward start as they seem like they’re not clicking in the slightest. Out to the floor and some double teaming sends Mickie into the front row. For no apparent reason Winter is all cool with getting a countout. This is what I mean by a lack of psychology.

The only good thing so far in this is all the upskirt shots of Mickie. Winter works on various parts of Mickie, currently working on the back. At one point Angelina comes in and hits her spinning backbreaker. She tries that spinning backbreaker of hers but Mickie escapes. A very weak dueling chant begins. Mickie grabs a tornado DDT to send Winter to the floor. Angelina comes in to try it again but Mickie takes her down. She tries to come in a third time but gets caught, allowing Winter to spit mist (think Muta) into her face for the pin and the title.

Rating: D-. Mickie having her skirt fly up all the time can’t be a failure but at the end of the day this was freaking bad. There was no flow to the match at all and Winter looked all over the place. Also the mist and the three run ins by Angelina were way too much booking. Not very good at all as the Knockouts are really failing now and we’re not even touching on the Velvet was bullied nonsense.

Kendrick is talking about winning earlier when Aries pops up, telling him to shush. That wasn’t a triple threat but rather a handicap match. Until Kendrick beats Aries, he’s not the real champion. Aries gives Kendrick the towel he was carrying and says go take a shower because you look homeless. I haven’t been to Minneapolis in years but I don’t think the homeless there have championship belts.

Bound For Glory Series: Crimson vs. Rob Van Dam

Lynn is with RVD here. The fans are behind RVD as you would expect. It’s a bit surprising I guess because we know so much about Crimson and have so many reasons to care about him right? An early Rolling Thunder attempt misses and Crimson gets a suplex for two. Van Dam starts kicking and there’s Rolling Thunder. Rob is holding his throat for some reason and Crimson adds in a neckbreaker for two.

Out to the floor and Van Dam uses some nice speed stuff to take Crimson down. Taz starts using bad lines to plug the sponsor like “he’s going to need some insurance after that. Better call Direct!” Back inside and Crimson takes over with basic strikes, namely elbows and forearms to the head. Off to a cravate which makes sense with the throat/neck stuff earlier.

That doesn’t last long and Van Dam gets the split legged moonsault but can’t get the kick off the top. Crimson gets something like a Falcon Arrow for two. Red Sky is countered by a kick to the chest. There’s the spinwheel kick from Van Dam which sets up the Five Star to NO reaction. The cover is delayed though and it only gets two. Tenay sounds like he’s ordering dinner when he calls the kickout. Crimson spears him down for two. In a weird ending, RVD misses a spin kick and Crimson hits Red Sky. He covers but Lynn comes in to break it up for the obvious DQ, costing RVD ten points.

Rating: C. Not horrible here but they tried I guess. The crowd flat out does not care about Crimson and that’s going to be a big problem moving forward. The problem is that we’ve been given zero reason to care about him through the form of promos or backstory so why are we supposed to want him to win? That hasn’t been addressed and it’s a problem.

Post match RVD yells at Lynn, saying he cost him a lot of points in the Series. Lynn apologizes so there’s No Surrender for you.

Anderson talks about Immortal being awesome. He curses a lot and makes noises that a 4 year old would make. This is so stupid I can’t comprehend it.

We recap Fourtune vs. Immortal. It’s a six man tag that is happening because they’re factions and we need a match on PPV between them.

Scott Steiner/Abyss/Gunner vs. AJ Styles/Kazarian/Daniels

And remember Daniels has been talking to AJ about something that hasn’t been established yet. Gunner vs. Kaz to start us off and they hit the mat. Kaz grabs a front facelock and Gunner taps. It doesn’t count for no apparent reason other than that isn’t what’s supposed to happen or something. Off to Steiner who shoves Banderas around a bit. Crucifix gets two for Kaz.

Off to AJ as Fourtune is all in black/gold trim here. Steiner is feeling rather colorful with his language tonight. The super best friends double team Steiner a bit and the bald dude comes in for Fourtune. Off to the Monster in a match that doesn’t sound very appealing. Daniels tries a springboard something and falls flat on his face. He does manage to get a foot to hit Abyss so it’s not a total loss.

Triple teaming puts Abyss down but Daniels charges into a spinebuster. Off to Gunner who throws on a chinlock. Steiner comes in with a suplex and it’s off to Abyss quickly. Immortal likes to tag a lot. Daniels rolls through to tag in Kaz who snaps off a rana which Abyss sells really strangely. Flux Capacitor gets two. Tornado DDT sends Abyss to the floor where Kaz hits a huge dive onto him.

Everything breaks down and they head to the floor. Steiner and Gunner set up a table to try to validate this as a hardcore show. Back to normal now with Steiner beating up Kaz. There are the push-ups. Gunner comes back in and continues to be as basic as possible while still trying to be all tough and evil. Off to Abyss as this has been domination for awhile.

Kaz manages to get a DDT to take Abyss down and there’s the hot tag to AJ. AJ fights off Immortal and hits a springboard cross body on Abyss for two. Styles Clash is countered as is Abyss’ chokeslam. Pele puts Abyss in 619 position but Gunner makes a save from a pin. Everything breaks down again and Daniels hits an STO into a Lionsault. AJ goes up but gets crotched and Gunner tries to F5 him through the table. Daniels saves and both he and Gunner go through the table. AJ hits a springboard Pele on Abyss for the pin.

Rating: B-. Not bad here but definitely the best match of the night so far. No tension or issue between AJ and Daniels at all so that was kind of odd. Still though it was a nice change of pace after being bored out of my mind for 90 minutes coming into this. Not a classic but this was fine for what it was.

Immortal yells at Abyss post match.

Ray says there’s only room for one of them in Immortal. Everyone makes mistakes. He carried D-Von around for 15 years. JB’s parents made a mistake when they had him. Even Hogan and Bischoff made a mistake when they let Anderson into Immortal. Anderson is going to get beaten out of Immortal.

We recap Anderson vs. Ray. Basically it’s about Ray volunteering Anderson to face Kurt Angle and then costing him the match. This is a contest over who can be a bigger jerk for the most part.

Mr. Anderson vs. Bully Ray

Ray comes out first and talks trash to Taz for some reason. He also sets for an attack on Anderson, who I guess doesn’t notice the lack of Bully Ray in the ring even though he would have come out second. Another thing I’ve always wondered: how do guys not get in fights when they’re waiting to come through the curtain? In a cool bit, Ray sneaks up on him and Anderson says into the mic “Yeah I know he’s behind me” and turns around to slug Ray.

After he beats on him for a bit he repeats his name. I’ll give him a pass for the cool bit before that. This might be a street fight but I’m not sure. They brawl around the railing and I don’t think a bell has rung yet. They haven’t been in the ring yet. Ray goes into the post/steps at the same time. Into the ring now and Ray gets a shot in to take over. Anderson takes forever to get up from a pretty normal shot.

Big chop in the corner as Ray has dominated the in ring aspect of this. I’m pretty surprised by that as he’s certainly more of a brawler than a wrestler. Side slam gets two. Ray hammers away and talks more trash which motivates Anderson. It’s about time something did. They slug it out from their knees and Bubba tries the Bubba Bomb which is countered into a DDT by Anderson to put both guys down.

It’s boo/yay time with Anderson being the popular and therefore successful one. Ray starts no selling stuff as clotheslines and shoulder blocks have no effect on him. An elbow does though as does a neckbreaker which gets two. Mic Check is blocked as is a release Rock Bottom. Another Mic Check is avoided but Anderson steals Amazing Red’s double spin kick for two.

Swanton hits for two as Ray reverses into a crucifix for two of his own. Cutter gets two for Ray. He grabs the chain but Kenderson picks him up in a fireman’s carry. Instead of the rollthrough that he usually does though he falls backwards by accident, adding yet another to the insane list of botches tonight. Ray tumbles into the ropes which gets two for some reason.

Ray tries to walk out but that doesn’t work all that well. Anderson is kind of wrestling face here by default, which of course messes up the whole dynamic of him but it’s TNA with a tweener so who cares? Anderson has the chain now which is quickly taken away. The delay allows Ray to low blow him and roll him up for the pin. Not wild on that ending.

Rating: C. The match was good but at the same time it never clicked as well as I think they were shooting for. Anderson needs the exact right kind of guy to get him to have a great match and Ray isn’t that kind of guy. Also the double heel thing didn’t work for the most part because Anderson tried to be a heel but he was cheered because he had to be by default. Not bad but not great.

Hogan and Bischoff are here. Gee how nice of them to grace us with their presence. Hogan isn’t happy and yells at Abyss, saying he isn’t a little cruiserweight out there. Bischoff yells at him too. Ray comes up and asks if they saw that and they don’t care. Immortal goes to have a meeting but Bischoff tells Abyss to stay there. If this leads to anything other than Abyssamania I’m happy.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Mexican America

TNA named them that so don’t yell at me for it. Remember that Roode has a bad shoulder and Storm hurt his back on Thursday. Anarquia complains about not being able to have the flag hang from the ceiling anymore so they brought their own. Roode vs. Hernandez to start. It’s officially Bobby now I guess. Roode hits the ropes a few times and takes him down with a jumping forearm.

Off to Storm for some double teaming. His back is talked about but it seems fine. Back to Roode whose arm seems fine as well. Anarquia tries a clothesline but gets caught in a Fujiwara Armbar which gets broken up by Hernandez quickly. Storm and Anarquia in at the moment with Storm getting a clothesline for two. Storm likes the clothesline as he uses one to send Hernandez to the floor.

Roode tosses Storm over the top to land on Anarquia. Off to Roode officially and he gets caught in the corner of the challengers. More double teaming by the heels follow. Nothing of note at all here as it’s been pretty dull and pedestrian. Hernandez chokes a bit and takes Roode down with a big shoulder.

Anarquia gets a butterfly suplex for two. Hernandez comes back in and walks into the Double R Spinebuster which makes no sense now as his name is Bobby again but whatever. Not really a fair comparison because Taker was still called Taker when he was a biker. Hot tag to Storm as the fans are DEAD. DDT gets no cover on Hernandez. Double suplex takes the big bald dude down and it’s time to SHOUT OUR NAMES!!!

Storm puts Anarquia on the top and smacks him before snapping off a hurricanrana. Big splash off the top gets two for Roode. Hernandez snaps off the slingshot shoulder block for two on Storm. Anarquia is up top and tries to dive onto Storm but Roode shoves him right into the superkick for Beer Money to retain…again.

Rating: C. Match was again just ok but at the same time, what are they waiting for with Beer Money? They’ve already had the longest title reign in the history of the belts and they’ve beaten everyone that there is to beat. Knowing TNA they’ll just hand the titles to part of Immortal but whatever. They need to drop the titles but I have no idea who they could do that to.  The back injury was never touched on at all and Storm looked fine.

Angle says he needs to beat Sting to be considered the best ever. Angle says he won’t lose and that’s it.

Hype video for the main event which is more or less a clash of the titans. Angle allegedly has never beaten Sting which is false but he did say he’s never beaten him without help, so they’re covered. Angle insists it’s just business, which is never a safe line to say in wrestling.

TNA World Title: Sting vs. Kurt Angle

Big match intros fill in some time. Sting is in gray which is a weird look on him. Sting grabs the arm to start as this seems like it’s going to be a feeling out process to start. I think they’re going for the big epic match but that’s just not going to happen here. Angle grabs a headlock which gets him nowhere. The dueling chants are already going and Sting’s paint is like 1/3 off less than two minutes in.

Now Angle works on the arm. The gray isn’t working for Sting as it looks like he’s dusty. Sting escapes and works on the leg to set up for the Scorpion. Angle fights back and hammers away. The champ backdrops him over the top and out to the floor as things slow down a bit. Out to the floor for the usual railing stuff. Back inside and Angle grabs a Samoan Drop for two.

There’s a seated reverse chinlock as Angle works on the back a lot. Off to a slightly modified version of the same chinlock after a few quick covers. Sting pops out of the corner with a clothesline and both guys are down. DDT gets two for the champ. Angle pops off the belly to belly for the same. Sting grabs the Death Drop and you would think Tenay was ordering lunch. Actually scratch that as picking the chicken salad would be more emphatic than that.

Rolling Germans by Angle get two. Tenay sounds like he doesn’t care at all about these covers and near falls. Moonsault misses so Sting hits an Angle Slam for two. There’s the Scorpion which isn’t sat down on at all. He finally makes a rope but Sting hits the Splash but the second one misses. Angle Slam hits for two and no reaction from anyone. Kurt charges at Sting in the corner but his shoulder hits the post.

Sting throws on the ankle lock and they speed things up a bit. Angle puts on the Scorpion Deathlock because that’s how Angle matches roll. Here are some more rolling Germans and Kurt grabs the ankle lock. Sting rolls through for two. And there goes the referee due to a misses enziguri by Kurt. Well it IS a TNA main event. Heeee’re Hulk with a chair. He gets the best reaction of the night and sets to pop Sting with the chair. Angle grabs it from him and Hogan leaves. Kurt blasts Sting with the chair and the Angle Slam gives him the world title.

Rating: C+. Good match overall but the crowd did not care for the most part and neither did Tenay. Not a horrible match but they didn’t get going like I think they wanted to. The finishers were never going to finish it and we were just waiting on the ref bump for the screwy ending. Good enough match but Kurt has had better matches in his sleep.

Hogan isn’t happy but he isn’t furious either. TUNE INTO IMPACT BABY!!!

Overall Rating: D. I’m sorry but no. Some of the matches were ok I guess but nothing other than Angle vs. Sting felt like it had any build at all. This show was boring and not hardcore in the slightest. No idea why they kept that name this year because there wasn’t even a street fight or anything like that on the card. Angle as champion will probably last until BFG with a match vs. RVD or something but that’s not exactly thrilling. It feels like we saw this two years ago, and that’s not good. Bad show.

Results

Brian Kendrick b. Alex Shelley and Austin Aries – Pinned Shelley after a brainbuster from Aries

Tara/Miss Tessmacher b. Rosita/Sarita – Widow’s Peak to Rosita

D’Angelo Dinero b. Devon – Rollup

Winter b. Mickie James – Pin after spitting mist into James’ face

Crimson b. Rob Van Dam via DQ when Jerry Lynn interfered

AJ Styles/Daniels/Kazarian b. Abyss/Gunner/Scott Steiner – Springboard Pele to Abyss

Bully Ray b. Mr. Anderson – Rollup

Beer Money b. Mexican America – Superkick to Anarquia

Kurt Angle b. Sting – Angle Slam

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Summerslam 2004
Date: August 15, 2004
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 17,640
Announcers: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Tazz

Once again another year has passed since Summerslam. Isn’t it odd how that’s always the case? Either way, things are indeed different now, as Chris Benoit finally broke through the glass ceiling and won the World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania 20. Tonight he faces Randy Orton who is 22 years old and has all the potential in the world. When he won a battle royal for the #1 contender spot, no one knew what to think other than oh craphe might win it.

Other than that we have JBL vs. Taker for the Smackdown Title, which means little as JBL was already sucking badly, although for a different reason. In this case, JBL just had no resume as the character was brand new and two months after debuting he won the world title. Why should we buy into this character? That question was never actually answered so for the most part we didn’t.

Oh and there’s some guy named Cena who was on the roster last year but couldn’t manage to get on the show. He’s wrestling Booker T tonight in the first of a best of 5 series for the US Title. That series wouldn’t end for two months, which in itself is just stupid. Let’s get to this, as the card looks….interesting I guess you’d say.

The entrance video is set to Rush’s Summertime Blues, so that’s a bit of a perk. The idea is that this is the culmination of the summer, and because of that we get a humorous video of WWE guys in Olympic events. Oddly enough Angle isn’t shown in that. For some reason, the Smackdown Title is listed last, and I mean completely last.

It’s billed after everything, which isn’t saying much for it. Oh also I forgot to mention, the third big match is Angle vs. Guerrero in a Wrestlemania rematch which should be good. The arena looks very cool with the screen shaped in a half circle over the entrance to the arena so it looks kind of like the sun setting.

Dudleys vs. Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman/Paul London

Here we have Spike as the new boss of the Dudleys. He’s the Cruiserweight champion and is heel now as well. He’s apparently been “calling the shots” for some time now, although no one has ever figured out what moron green lighted this angle. No one took Spike seriously, ever, so it’s stupid to think that they would here either. Anyway, Spike took the title from Rey so Rey got two of his jobber tag team friends to help him out and this is what you get.

For some reason that I have no idea of, I remember this match being booked and thought it would steal the show. I have no idea what I was on but I’d love to have some more of it. Cole calls something vintage Spike. And so it begins. Two of them in less than two minutes. Did we never notice this before somehow? London and Kidman are the Smackdown tag champions at this time by the way, so yeah, screw that whole defending belts on PPV idea.

That just can’t be done obviously. Rey and Spike finally get together and apparently this is the reason this match is happening. Of course this is the better way to go instead of, oh I don’t know, DEFENDING A TITLE ON PAY PER VIEW? Rey is beating up all three of them by himself. You have to love the super powers that star power gives you. It’s a mess now of course and Rey and Kidman actually use the Hart Attack with Kidman being the powerhouse of the team.

619 leads to a shooting star press but D-Von makes the save. Kidman tries to fight off the two Dudleys that weigh more than 18lbs but eventually gets caught in the 3D and Spike gets the pin. Cole has come to a conclusion: Spike is now the boss of the Dudleys. Thank you for telling us again what you said at the beginning of it.

Rating: B-. I really liked this match. 6 man tags are a good way to open a show as they’re usually fast paced and offer a variety of combinations so if one matchup is bad the rest can balance it out nicely. This was fine here as it was two title feuds combined into one so that’s all good. However, there’s a point to having PPVs. They’re places where big matches are supposed to happen. When I say big matches, I mean matches where titles are on the line.

Lawler in a suit just doesn’t look right.

It’s recap time as our subject right here is Matt Hardy vs. Kane. Here’s the deal: Matt and Lita were engaged, but for some reason Kane hated Matt. Lita slept with Kane to keep him at bay, and now she’s pregnant with his baby. Insert your own soap opera related title joke here. The winner of this match gets to marry her. Yeah I know just go with it.

Matt Hardy vs. Kane

I’ve always loved Lita’s theme at this time. Matt’s is pretty sweet too actually. Kane is finally in his traditional attire so we’re starting to look modern here. Amazingly enough, this isn’t the stupidest stipulation in the history of Summerslam. Matt at this point had more or less no track record to speak of. He was a low level guy and this was probably his biggest feud to date, so he’s the epitome of the underdog here. He starts off fast though.

This was also when he still wasn’t fat and was at least trying very hard out there, which is all you can ask for a lot of the time. Matt more or less throws everything he’s got at Kane inside the first three minutes, including a Twist of Fate on the floor which gets a 9 from the referee (it had a good beat but I couldn’t dance to it do I give it a 65). Anyway, Matt fights with everything he’s got, but it’s just not enough.

This match is just hard to comment on as it’s barely over 6 minutes with a minute of that being the outside sequence. Lita slides the bell in to Matt, and her shouting of MATT doesn’t clue the referee in on the fact that they’re cheating, nor does the bell sound when he hits Kane with it. Screw the company sending the old guys to rehab. Send the referees to an optometrist. Anyway, Kane finally gets going but he’s on offense all of 40 seconds, which somehow is enough.

He goes up top for the clothesline but Matt crotches him. He tries a DDT from the top but gets chokeslamed instead. Matt’s landing of almost trying to sit up and just falling backwards is just great. Lita is of course stunned. The wedding would be tomorrow night and of course, it went bad.

Rating: B. Call me crazy, but I really liked this. It was way to short to be considered great, but in the time they had, it was certainly intense. You could feel Matt and Lita’s nervousness and it paid off. The chokeslam was great too, and Lita’s face at the end was both beautiful and destroyed at the same time. Short but very sweet.

Randy Orton is in the back, being asked by Todd Grisham about his match tonight. Orton is talking about how he’s going to win tonight when Cena comes in. He’s a rapper at this point and completely annoying. The showdown between these two does look cool though, considering what was coming. Cena asks the fans who will win and they say Benoit. This was nothing special, but it still looked cool just for the future aspect.

Booker T vs. John Cena

This is the first match in a best of 5 series for the title, which I think I kind of like. However, this took TWO MONTHS to get through. How is that possible? PPV, Smackdown, House Show, Smackdown, PPV. There, one month, 5 matches. This feud wouldn’t end until October though, so what’s the point? Cena is still a rapper at this point, and is rocking the Blue Jays old school jersey which is awesome.

Again, THIS IS SHORT. I don’t get the point in having all these 6-7 minute matches. Either way, the problem here is simple: the fans don’t care because they know there’s at least two more matches with these guys, so why should they care about this one? Nothing is going to happen at the end of it, so why should they care? I certainly don’t and I can’t imagine they did when it was actually happening either.

Cena was really starting to find his audience here and in the coming months would be launched into the main event of Smackdown, although he would have perhaps the worst world title change in the history of Wrestlemania as that show was all about Batista and HHH.

Either way, this is just not that interesting of a match as they can’t waste their best stuff with four matches to go and the fans aren’t that interested. That being said, maybe it’s good that this match is about six and a half minutes. Booker spins up and Cena calmly picks him up and FUs him for the win. This could be a textbook definition of a quick and uninteresting finish.

Rating: D. Like I said, they couldn’t use much of their best stuff, no one was interested, and it was way too short. Either way, this was just a bad match and it showed really bad. They would go on to improve huge, but this was a very bad way to start.

Teddy Long, still the Smackdown GM, is joined by Bischoff who would be fired in about a year. They lay the groundwork for Raw vs. Smackdown at Survivor Series and talk about Eugene.

Diva Dodge ball later tonight. Oh this isn’t going to go well.

IC Title: Batista vs. Jericho vs. Edge

Edge is champion here, having returned from injury and declared war on Evolution, although I don’t remember him ever getting to HHH. At the time, Batista was the hottest thing in wrestling to say the least. He was getting great face pops every time he came out, while Jericho was a face at this point. Edge of course was awesome, but he still didn’t have that spark he had pre injury.

His style has completely changed here as you can tell he’s tentative about going too hard, but at this point it was finally starting to wear off. Batista is also rocking a near mullet here with much longer hair than you’re used to. Batista had been using this big running clothesline to knock people out lately, similar to Luger’s forearm. Jericho as the home country boy gets a big pop. Edge still has his old music, but gets a bigger pop as Toronto’s own, according to Lillian.

We already are getting the Batista shoulders in the corner which still have that little stomp before them. The red boots aren’t working for him either. Edge stops Batista from hitting the Bomb on Jericho, which makes no sense as it would have made it a one on one match, but what do I know? Lawler says that Edge is opportunistic, so maybe Lawler is smarter than we all gave him credit for.

JR says that he’s complex. Didn’t that aspect of his character get thrown out a long time ago? Edge just towers over Jericho which is very funny looking to me. Batista is down on the floor so it’s Canadian on Canadian violence. Surprisingly the crowd is behind Jericho. I mean they’re REALLY behind Jericho. Edge is actually getting no reaction at all while you’d think Bret Hart was the guy he was fighting.

Batista gets back in and Edge goes for a spear on him, but Jericho knocks Edge out of the way. WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? It would wipe Batista out and then it would be one on one again, and since Batista had to make a save to end the Walls of Jericho just a second ago, you’d think that Jericho would want it one on one with Edge.

Anyway, Batista, who for a guy that is supposed to be a killer is on the floor a lot, is on the floor again as Jericho and Edge go at it one more time. This time, Jericho knocks Batista BACK to the floor, allowing Edge to hit the spear to keep the belt to no reaction. I mean the place is silent. It’s very weird indeed.

Rating: C. This was kind of a bunch of revolving one on one matches and while it didn’t fail, it didn’t really work either. Batista needed more seasoning, but screw that I guess because he was put into the main event just a few months later as he won the Rumble and headlined Mania in about 8 months. Either way, this was more about Edge vs. Jericho and while that’s fine, it was supposed to be a triple threat and from that standpoint it was just ok.

Ad for the Benoit DVD.

Recap of Angle and Eddie. They fought at Mania with Eddie loosening his boot so Kurt couldn’t grip it for the ankle lock, leading to a roll up for the pin. Angle then was chokeslammed from a balcony, breaking his leg. He was upset that he had a real injury and Eddie faked one, and says that Eddie has to cheat to beat him.

Angle, the GM of Smackdown at the time, screwed Eddie out of the title in a cage match, so Eddie was ticked. That leads us here, and it really doesn’t sound that good when I think about it.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Luther Reigns, who did nothing at all, is with Kurt here. Eddie comes out in the lowrider, which I’ve always hated. What’s the point of it anyway? Oh look I have a car that can bounce. Yeah that’s really cool. Cole calls Angle a former Grand Slam Winner. For one thing, does that sounds like he won an eating competition at a Denny’s? Either way, how can he be a former winner of it? If he’s won it once, he’s always won it right?

They do a nice technical sequence to start with neither guy being able to hold an advantage for that long. Eddie even goes for the ankle in a nice touch. Angle gets a key lock on Eddie, which Tazz corrects Cole for calling an armbar. As Eddie is getting up, Tazz calls it an armbar. You have to love the thought process sometimes of Tazz, or his lack thereof. Angle finally ends this friendly natured competition with a German, but Eddie gets a full ankle lock on which just looks weird.

Angle counters and hits the slam, then his own ankle lock. In a cool looking spot, Eddie grabs his ankle and for a few seconds, both have ankle locks on the other. Eddie’s is broken though as he apparently has a titanium leg, because being in the hold for about a minute won’t make him tap. There’s having heart, and then there’s just being stupid. This is the latter.

Oh the straps were pulled down inside of 5 minutes. This has been like an Angle match in fast forward. They go to the mat…again. This is like a bad MMA fight where they’re just laying on each other the whole time and no one really does anything. The fans are just completely dead for it as even I’m getting drowsy. Seriously, they’ve been wrestling for about ten minutes and at least 7 of that has been submission holds.

Eddie has a spot whispered to him by Angle, who for no apparent reason has unlaced Eddie’s boot, which in theory would help his ankle by letting it loosen up a bit, but what do I know? Eddie hits a belly to back suplex to get out of another chinlock, but because he’s facing Angle, it’s called an Angle slam. I can’t stand that. Why is it that when anyone else does it it’s an average move, but when Angle does it it’s devastating?

The same holds true for a lot of people. JBL used a hard clothesline which the Steiners did for years, Jericho has a Boston Crab which is a bad example because it never beats anyone, and Lawler uses a fist. Why are these moves so devastating? It’s not like you’re going to get better at them with a lot of practice or strength like the chokeslam or a power bomb.

Anyway, Eddie comes back with punches and the third one is just after his stupid dance, so naturally the power behind it triples. Benoit is ripped off even more by the snap suplexes followed by Eddie going up for the splash. Angle does the run up the ropes belly to belly which is just flat out cool. Luther is shown and my theory that he’s completely pointless is confirmed as he hit Eddie once about 10 minutes ago and this is the first we’ve seen of him since.

After Angle hits a thumb to the eye, which Cole would make you think was a .45 caliber bullet to the face, Angle gets the boot completely off to expose the sock covered ankle. He gets the ankle lock on for about the 12th time after getting up from a frog splash to get Eddie to tap out. Seriously, Reigns was completely worthless here.

Rating: C-. This was just flat out boring for the first 8-10 minutes as it was nothing, and I mean nothing but submission holds. Now that’s fine in theory, but DANG it just got boring after awhile. It was nothing but chinlocks, headlocks and ankle locks. Now once they stopped doing that it got miles better but prior to that it was just flat out horrid.

The dozen ankle locks didn’t help either as it just got stupid after awhile. It made the hold look very weak as Eddie held on for probably three minutes total in it without ever giving up. It just didn’t work at all for me and while others would think it was great, this wasn’t good for me.

We recap HHH vs. Eugene. This is why this era from the WWE is looked down on so much. We have probably the best stable since the NWO and their leader is fighting a guy that’s slow. Anyway, this was actually a pretty creative storyline in my eyes.

Eugene was a guy that was a wrestling savant, meaning that while he had no actual training or anything of the sort, he had learned from watching wrestling for many years, and then got trained (on camera) by Regal, making him into a complete wrestler. In reality, Eugene was played by Nick Dinsmore who was a very talented technical wrestler. He’s the undisputed god of OVW, having won the heavyweight title 9 times and the tag titles 10 times or something like that.

Think of Lawler in Memphis kind of. Anyway, Eugene was saved by the Rock when people were making fun of him and he said that HHH was his favorite wrestler. Instead of HHH getting someone competent to help him though, he enlists Eugene as an honorary member of Evolution on a night where Eugene was guest GM.

Eugene booked Benoit vs. HHH for Vengeance for the WHC, which Eugene accidentally cost HHH. He then beat up Regal, who was Eugene’s mentor. That leads us here. The problem here is simple though: at the end of the day, while that storyline at least sounds good, IT’S STILL HHH VS. EUGENE. Doesn’t that just sound silly?

HHH vs. Eugene

I now remember why I hate Eugene: you can never get his song out of your head once you hear it. It’s freaking addictive. Why does the annoying character have to be from Kentucky? Oh yeah and Eugene is freakishly strong. In case you don’t remember don’t worry, the announcers will tell you every 38 seconds. HHH shoves Lillian down so Eugene helps her up but gets beaten on for his trouble.

HHH fakes a knee injury, prompting the referee to throw up the fake X. It’s pretty good I think though, as it is pretty good as a way to fool the marks in the audience. HHH jumps Eugene and immediately the crowd starts cheering him, which Lawler and Ross try to pass off as just due to the Canadian fans being bizarre. The thing that I forgot to mention was that the fans absolutely hated Eugene.

The problem was simple: he was used WAY too much. When he debuted he was a character that a lot of people actually liked. It was something that hadn’t been done this well before and the fact that he was actually a very good worker helped things a lot as well. The problem was that they screwed it up the same way they screwed up Santino.

He’s fine in small doses, maybe once a week, but there was a Raw where Eugene was in 6 separate segments and the fans just got sick of the sight of him. His character was never meant to be involved in serious storylines but they did it anyway. The WWE formula has long since been if a little bit of something works, then a lot of it will work a lot better, which simply isn’t the case and hardly ever is.

It certainly wasn’t here, and it never clicked in the WWE’s eyes. They blamed Eugene for not being able to get over, since the booking of WWE can never be wrong can it? Either way, it bombed bad after this, even to the point of them trying to turn him heel, which also failed completely. You can tell HHH is younger here. He’s only an eight time world champion. Eugene does other people’s moves, such as the Rock Bottom.

He goes for the People’s Elbow, but HHH has had enough of this bull of stealing moves, and he lets Eugene know about it by nailing him with a AA spinebuster. Lawler gets in a good line about Eugene: he wasn’t even his mother’s favorite and he’s an only child. I forgot to mention: Eugene is Bischoff’s nephew which is why he’s around at all. Eugene actually Hulks Up before flipping HHH off and stunning him as the fans are cheering for some guy named boo.

Flair comes out as Eugene kicks HHH in the face and drops a leg on him. This is stupider than words can describe. He even gets a pedigree but Flair saves him. The referee throws Flair out and Regal nails him with knuckles. HHH takes the time to hit the pedigree and end this finally.

Rating: D. Again, it comes down to this: HHH IS BEATING UP EUGENE. The fans hated him, the match was too long, it’s not believable, and the feud was just bad. It was complete overkill for the character and after this, aside from a tag title run that ended in injury, he never did anything else in WWE. This was just a waste of 15 minutes and I can’t believe this was all they could come up with for HHH.

Diva Dodge Ball

Yes, it’s the girls from the Diva Search, most of whom got hired, against the established divas in a game of dodge ball at the Raptors’ practice facility. Oh and look they’re all wearing bras and shorts.

Here are the rosters if you’re interested: Amy Weber, Joy Giovanni, Tracie Wright (never hired), Maria (hot as a dirty blonde), Christy and Michelle (pre plastic surgery) vs. Victoria, Gail Kim, Jazz, Stacy, Molly and Nidia. That right there shows how stupid the Diva Search was. All but one of the 6 finalists got jobs anyway. Apparently Trish is the captain. The Diva Search girls win.

Rating: F-. This was a waste of time and was for 12 year olds. I hate stuff like this. They actually wasted 5 minutes on this, and yet we get no recap for the Smackdown title match.

Smackdown World Title: JBL vs. Undertaker

We get literally no backstory here as they say these two are having a match and then the lights go out. Yeah that’s great guys. Basically, Taker just said he wanted a title shot and got one. This was just after JBL had won the belt so I think this was his first feud as champion. No one, and I mean no one, bought him as champion because literally this is how it went: Eddie wins title, JBL debuts as the rich guy, challenges, challenges again, wins title.

There was no buildup to his character at all. He had been Bradshaw for years now and all of a sudden he’s a self made millionaire and apparently has been for many years? Yeah, we’re just going to believe that I guess. It was just completely from left field and no one wanted to see him as top heel and it followed him for years as a stigma about him, which I think was unfair and should be blamed more on the bookers.

Until this, his career highlight was 6 days or so as European Champion, and now he’s challenging for the world title as a DiBiase rip off? Starting to see why this didn’t work for about two years? Taker’s entrance as always is awesome as he more or less walks through a tunnel of fire. Apparently JBL attacked Taker on Smackdown a few days ago. Thanks for that great story Cole. Taker is back to the Dead Man now.

JBL still has the big white limp with the horns. He’s accompanied by Orlando Jordan, somehow even more of a waste of space. I think I hate Nick Patrick. He’s just annoying as a referee. JBL is wearing orange/red tights that are just a complete and utter failure. Tazz says he’s not sure how to beat the Undertaker. I thought a pin would work fine but maybe there are separate rules for him. JBL actually goes up top and hits a flying shoulder block that looked pretty good.

Old School connects, which actually is vintage, and Cole reminds us of that. Jordan gets kicked in the head but JBL gets a shot into the knee to end any offense that Taker was on. The fans start doing the wave. I don’t know if that’s a cultural thing, but I’ve always found it rude. It’s not like the match is terrible or anything. If I’m one of the guys in the ring, then I don’t like the fact that the fans are apparently not interested in my match but are interested in throwing their hands up for no apparent reason.

JBL hits the clothesline and of course Taker kicks out of it since that move just completely sucks. Since this is a Taker match, the referee gets bumped and since it’s Nick Patrick, he stays down for about two days. In between we have all kinds of interference and finishers, including a standard clothesline that is called the finisher, which stuns Cole that Taker more or less pops up from it. Well DUH.

Taker does the power bomb out of the corner spot that he beat HHH with at Mania 17, but as he goes for the tombstone, Jordan tries to hit him with the belt. Taker does it instead and the referee wakes up just in time to DQ him. Post match, we get the best spot of the show as Taker beats JBL onto the limo then chokeslams him through the roof.

The spot is ok, but it’s great because it led to one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen that I wish I could find a picture of. JBL is in a halo and more or less has his hat tied to his head. It’s funnier than it sounds.

Rating: B-. This was ok I guess, although I think everyone knew Taker wouldn’t get the title off of JBL immediately. There was a rematch two months later at No Mercy that was ok I suppose. This feud was just filler until Cena was truly ready to go, so nothing of note happened here. It was fine though.

Wrestlemania 21 is in LA.

Raw World Title-Randy Orton vs. Chris Benoit

At the time, Orton was doing the thing where he was like look at me and bow to my greatness. He won a battle royal to get this shot, but that’s not important enough to be told. Fink has mic issues, which Jerry plays off by saying that even Fink is choked up. Ok so they do cover the battle royal thing, but dang did they take long enough? Benoit of course gets a huge pop. I think Lawler has a crush on Orton.

He says that Orton could be a model for statues. Dang Jerry just go blow him already. Test of strength is more or less a tossup. The first good part of this match is these two using all kinds of wrestling holds. It’s very interesting to see Orton working very well on the mat as that’s certainly not something you see from him very often. Granted it may be Benoit making him look good, but at least Randy is capitalizing on it.

Benoit hooks the Sharpshooter and you’d think everyone had been given money, food and sex. Good lord they blew up over it. It’s countered and Benoit’s shoulder is hurt, so the VIPER strikes on it. Did you know Orton is a viper now? Not sure if that caught on, but Orton is a viper! This is a good back and forth match so far. Benoit hits the suicide dive to the floor but Orton moves.

Benoit slams into the wall in an absolutely sick looking spot. I don’t know if that was planned or not but if not then goodness. Actually if yes then goodness as well. It’s time to chinlock it up as every Orton match comes complete with one. It’s like the toy in a Happy Meal, just not as entertaining. They do a double cross body, which looks awesome too. These two can work really well together actually. They go back and forth even longer and another Sharpshooter is put on.

Oddly enough there’s been limited Crossface attempts. However, I think that’s the best way to go as it wouldn’t make sense for Benoit to try it. Why should he? He’s worked the back and knees all match so why would he, a thinking wrestler, go for the neck and shoulder? He doesn’t and to me that’s a sign of a great wrestler. Finishing moves are fine, but they should make sense.

That’s one thing Ric Flair was always great at. Watch his matches and his offense, or at least 90% of it is either basic offense or working on the legs. That makes such perfect sense and it fits that he uses it like that. He never focused on the neck or back or anything like that, and he shouldn’t have. Benoit goes up and tries the headbutt, but Orton I think tries to roll out of the way.

Either way, the top of his head rams into Benoit’s head and it just looked painful. Just as soon as I type that big long rant about how smart Benoit is, we get the crossface, which I guess I see why that is done in this case because nothing else has worked, so he puts it on him and cranks for all he’s got as a last ditch effort.

Anyway, Orton gets the ropes and in one of my favorite finishes ever, Benoit tries for the Crossface again but Orton gets behind him and nails the RKO for the quick pin and the title. If it tells you anything about the match, the fans give them a standing ovation. The look on Orton’s face is just perfect as he’s completely stunned and it looks like he’s saying did I really just do that? Lawler’s orgasm could stop a drought.

Orton celebrates with the title as Benoit comes back in. He sticks out his hand and shouts for Orton to be a man. Orton shakes his hand as Benoit’s music plays us out. To be fair, he leaves and lets Orton be alone in the ring as he should be. The problem here though is the next night they had another great match for free on Raw. That match still haunts us today though, as it officially kicked off HHH vs. Randy Orton.

Yes, that was the night where Orton was kicked out of Evolution. Note: THAT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO, and they’re still feuding. The whole cool moment was wasted too, as Orton had the title a mere four weeks, losing his first title defense to, who else, HHH at Unforgiven.

HHH would hold it until Mania where he would drop it to Batista. I hate that as it’s more of HHH dominating the belt while another young guy has a short feud after being built up as the young phenom so well, but that’s Raw booking in 04 for you.

Rating: A. This was a great match. They were back and forth the whole time and while I don’t think anyone expected Orton to win, I think it fit really well as Benoit just couldn’t beat him no matter how hard he tried. It made Orton look like the better man and that’s how it should have been done. This is a very good match that you should check out if you haven’t seen it before.

Overall Rating: C+. This show is really up and down all night between decent stuff and flat out boring stuff. The main event is by far the best match of the show, but that’s not really a surprise. Eddie and Angle is something I definitely could see going either way but it just didn’t do it in my case.

JBL and Taker I thought was good but not great. The opening two matches were good enough, but HHH and Eugene along with the divas thing were just horrid to say the least. I’ll recommend it, but have a remote ready to fast forward some stuff.

Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

So Austin and Rock are retired, Lesnar is still a big name, HBK stuck around to shock the world even more, and that’s about it. Seriously, not much else has happened. Cena and Batista haven’t risen to power yet as they’re about a year and a half away from taking over the company. There is a new arrival however: Goldberg, who I wouldn’t call a flop but I’d call him a disappointment.

He’s at war with HHH over the title currently, so that’s your main feud, but of course they couldn’t just have them go one on one, so we get the second Elimination Chamber instead. Your other main event here is Brock vs. Angle in a Wrestlemania rematch. The card looks….ok I guess but a bit top heavy. Let’s see how it is.

Lillian Garcia sings the Star Spangled Banner with the Marine Corps Color Guard on the stage. To say she’s gorgeous is an understatement. They need to do this more often at PPVs. The opening video is pretty good, as we hear a clock striking what I would assume to be midnight and with each bell sound we see a clip of another match. Oh I forgot to mention: Lesnar is a heel again and is working for Vince.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

This is as simple as you can get here: the French champions make fun of American so the American team that’s never really been patriotic rally round the flag to fight for the Red White and Blue, despite the fact that the French flag has the same colors but you get the idea I guess. La Resistance are the guys that were the tag team of the year at this time, always holding the belts mainly due to the fact that they never had any opponents of note to face them.

The Dudleys were guys you could just throw into the title picture and it would work though, much like they do now in TNA. Guys like that are great to have because their resume makes them a legit threat so you know you’ll get a decent performance out of them and they make the other team look good. It’s the same thing that Shawn Michaels did in the last year or so.

He was never going to beat Jericho for the belt, but he was a legit challenger that you could count on for a solid match and he can be thrown into the title picture at a moment’s notice and be perfectly credible. That’s a very valuable asset to have. This was also back in the day of the old school tag title belts which I’ve always loved. JR touches on the idea that Bubba and D-Von are related which he kind of brushes off.

The faces are WAY over and take control early on which makes sense. They continue to dominate after a brief heel comeback, but after the 3D a cameraman comes in and hits D-Von with the picture taking machine for the pin. Bubba was too busy counting the three to stop the run in to break up the 3D, so the heels steal it. Post match, the camera guy beats up D-Von, Bubba and Spike who runs in for the attempted save, with the camera. Of course it’s Rob Conway, who didn’t have a name yet.

Rating: C. This felt like an extended TV match to me. It was ok, but nothing you wouldn’t see on Raw. The tag division was pretty much the same for about 5 years and it’s still that way today, with not much of anything of note going on other than the occasional title change. La Resistance was nothing special, but they were ok I guess. Not a bad match, just nothing that jumps off the page at me.

Coach interviews the Dudleys in the aisle, saying that the French were clever. Bubba doesn’t like this.

Bischoff is warming up and Christian talks to him like they’ve never met. Really? Bischoff is fighting Shane tonight for some reason. Christian is upset that he doesn’t have a match and Eric blames his co-GM, Stone Cold. The audio is bad here for some reason and I can’t make out all of what they’re saying.

We see the recap of Taker against A-Train. Basically Vince is hiring all the monsters he can find and Taker is the one he can’t get, so he’s the one that fights them off. A-Train started by attacking Stephanie last month at Vengeance to keep her from beating Sable, who Vince was having an open affair with.

Then, Taker fought back but A-Train kept making him lose matches, including one on Smackdown by pinfall to John Cena. Yes, Cena has indeed hit the FU to the Undertaker and pinned him in the middle of the ring. Anyway, that of course leads to this match.

Undertaker vs. A-Train

Taker’s music with lyrics is just awesome. This is the very end of his biker character though, as he was literally buried at Survivor Series by Kane in a Buried Alive match. I used to get the opening to A-Train’s music and JBL’s music confused. How can Sable be this hot at this age? She’s even hot now with Brock and this is 6 years later. Why is Taker in the second match of the night? Can I get an explanation?

Sable’s chest is EPIC here. Taker still has taped up ribs. Basic big man match for Taker which is probably his specialty: fighting monsters. A-Train was always someone that they wanted to push it seemed but it just never happened. Old School puts the train down.

We hit the floor for a bit and Taker’s back goes into the post as A-Train takes over. Can we just look at Sable’s chest some more? It’s certainly more entertaining. Taker grabs a sleeper of all things but walks into a belly to back suplex as Train keeps dominating. Taker gets out of the corner as nothing but punches. At times it seems like he does nothing but that and his finishers.

After some very basic stuff Taker can’t get the Last Ride and walks into a Derailer (choke powerbomb) for two of course. Good grief this is a formulamatic match. Down goes the referee as A-Train hits a bicycle kick and grabs a chair. It gets kicked into his face for two as we learn a good lesson about bringing a foreign object in. Use AMERICAN DANG IT! Chokeslam ends it clean.

Rating: D. Again, Taker is good at fighting monsters, but it feels like a TV match and nothing more. Why would I want to watch a TV match on PPV when I have to pay for it? It’s ok, but that’s all it is. A-Train was an underused talent, but come on. Taker deserves more than an underused talent, and to be fair he would be put into a title feud with Lesnar starting in the next week or two. Sable was hot as fire though.

Post match, Sable comes in to try to seduce Taker. Taker doesn’t go for that and chokes her until Stephanie returns and beats the heck out of her. Cole says she kicks the heck out of her, but I’m pretty sure it’s only punches. Then again, I’m no professional. Sable and A-Train bail as Cole freaks because of the power in the ring at the moment.

Brock has a new DVD.

We see Jericho stretching in the back as Coach is at ringside asking fans who they think will win the EC tonight. Everyone thinks Goldberg. If you’re going to waste time, I guess you might as well involve the audience.

Hit the recap button for Bischoff vs. Shane. This is REALLY long so I’ll try to summarize it as well as I can. Shane and Kane were feuding because Kane tombstoned Linda. Vince is being a jerk and won’t let Shane fight Kane, so Shane fights Bischoff. Kane saves Eric and helps him win. JR then decides that since Bischoff caused Kane to try to burn JR alive, that he’s going to sue Eric.

Austin comes out and says that JR won’t sue if Bischoff agrees to face someone. Eric, assuming it’s Shane, agrees. However, it’s Kane. For no apparent reason, Kane bails and Eric immediately wins by count out. However, the contract had a clause in it that said that the winner got Shane at Summerslam.

My that’s a fast contract to have drawn up in a matter of minutes isn’t it? Anyway, Bischoff goes to Vince’s house and kisses Linda and it’s implied he either raped her or slept with her with her being willing.

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

According to Tony Schiavone, anyone that follows tournament karate knows that Bischoff is a great fighter. In other words, about 4 people know that. Eric gets on the mic before Shane comes out and implies again that he slept with Linda. Eric is cut off by Shane’s music. You can tell he’s mad because he only dances a bit. They’re on the floor inside of a minute as Shane is just killing him as you would expect.

Shane keeps rolling in and breaking the count and then goes back out again and it’s getting annoying quickly. JR references an elevator company, and sadly enough I get the reference. Coach pops up and smacks Shane in the back with a chair. Bischoff gets on the mic and makes it a hardcore match. Bischoff says that since Coach is the best commentator of all time to cut off JR and Lawler so that Coach can do all of the commentary. Yeah, this isn’t going to be bad at all.

What was the appeal of Coach? I’ve yet to ever be entertained by him at all. Without commentary this is somehow more boring if that’s possible. Shane finally wakes up and fights them both off, breathing some much needed life back into the crowd, but Austin comes out to really wake things up. I miss JR screaming about this. Austin can’t hit Coach though unless he’s touched so we get the I’m not touching you joke.

Shane makes Coach touch him though, which I think is illegal in some states, leading to the Austin beatdown. Austin and Shane make a weird team to say the least. Austin thankfully turns the announcers back on, which I hope is illegal in all states. Bischoff slaps him and gets a stunner from the man that he fired via fed ex.

Shane puts Eric through the Spanish Announce Table, which is famous enough to get all capital letters, with the elbow for the pin on the floor. JR calls this coast to coast. No JR, no. Austin and Shane have beers to kill some more time.

Rating: D. This was more like a big angle and it went on WAY too long. There were parts of this where it was just dragging on and on and on. Austin coming out completely saved this as it was an incredible boring segment. Coach is a waste of air and always has been so why would I care about him?

This was just really bad with only Austin being interesting at all. You know, even after this, the problem for Shane is that it’s never known if Linda did anything or not, so what does Shane actually gain out of this?

Of all things, we get a Wrestlemania Recall. Dude, the show is EIGHT MONTHS AWAY. I get the idea of early promotion, but come on now isn’t that a bit much?

Nash is getting ready for the Elimination Chamber.

Flair is with Orton, talking about how HHH will win tonight. Evolution was in a weird stage at the moment as Batista was out with an injury. The real reign of terror would begin in October when he came back.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno vs. Tajiri

Eddie is champion here. All four are in the ring and the first person to either get a submission or as Chimmel puts it, catch a pinfall, is the champion. After announcing that, he says it again seconds later in case we weren’t listening I guess. There’s no backstory here that I know of and if there is they don’t cover it. I can’t find any mention of one, so I’m guessing it’s one of those let’s throw everyone together and have them do their best. That can be a great idea at times.

Eddie comes out in a car of course. He would very soon be pushed to the main event and given the WWE Title in one of the biggest head scratchers of all time as he wasn’t a big enough star and obviously wasn’t ready for it, and likely never would be ready for it. Oh so Eddie hit all of them with the belt on Smackdown so that’s our story? Dude, anyone can do better than that. The US Title is just over a month old at this point, so it’s not like there’s time for a real history.

Eddie beat Benoit for it in a tournament final at Vengeance the previous month. It’s funny seeing the table all destroyed with Eddie standing in front of it. It looks so out of place and it’s making me chuckle. It’s kind of cool to think that Benoit and Eddie would both be champions at the end of Mania in 8 months. I love the Rhyno character around this time as he was just completely insane and liked hurting people. I love that.

In other words, he was his normal self. Four ECW guys out there as well, so if nothing else ECW had an eye for talent. I always like the Lasso From El Paso. In a very cool spot, Benoit puts Rhyno in the Crossface at the same time Eddie has the Lasso From El Paso on Tajiri. For one thing, the referee isn’t sure who to check on, but Eddie has a problem. Does he try to win, or does he break up the Crossface to save the title? That’s very smart and I really like it.

Tajiri gets to the ropes though so that’s all over. Eddie gets put in it and it takes several kicks from Rhyno and Tajiri to get him to break it up. Why does ever spinebuster have to contain an Arn Anderson reference? We get it, he had a sweet move. I will always mark out for the rolling German suplexes. Rhyno hits a gore but Eddie is holding the belt which is an old and classic move. Benoit and Tajiri fight to the floor which allows Eddie to steal the pin with the Frog Splash.

Rating: B-. To me, this is perfect for a PPV title defense for a new champion. It looks challenging, he gets a clean pin over an opponent, it’s about 11 minutes long, and two guys save face, allowing them to challenge for the title in the future because they didn’t get pinned. The wrestling was fine, but as is the problem with multi-man matches, it can get hard to follow. Either way, this was fine and a great way to really start Eddie’s reign.

Shawn Michaels is in a hallway getting ready. I guess that’s better than being in a closet.

Metallica is doing the theme song, with St. Anger. Still not sure if I like that album or not. The song is good, but I’m not sold on it. It’s certainly not bad, but I’m not sure if it is good enough for Metallica.

Lesnar has been a monster lately and this past Thursday he beat up Zach Gowen, and for those of you that don’t know, he had one leg. He broke his leg apparently. Gowen was supposed to fight Matt Hardy on Heat, so Matt declared himself the winner. Matt saying that real wrestlers fight through injuries absolutely cracked me up.

We get the recap of the Angle/Lesnar feud, which they more or less say has only happened over the course of a month and not 8 months, which is the real case. Angle was a heel back then so I guess that’s why. Angle won the title at Vengeance as a face but it was a triple threat. Kurt and Brock formed kind of a super team in between the shows as Angle said Brock helped him through his injury. After he agreed to the title match though, Lesnar turned heel in a complicated angle.

Vince said that Brock had to earn the title shot, but he would have to beat Vince in a cage match to earn it. Ok, that makes little sense on Vince’s part so I guess that means everything is perfectly normal. To continue making things odd, he makes Kurt the guest referee. Before the match though, someone attacks him.

Lesnar goes into the match anyway but collapses. Angle beats up Vince but Lesnar is faking and turns heel by beating up Angle. I’m not wild on Lesnar being the heel, but I guess that works. I am glad that he comes out alone though.

Smackdown Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

They start with amateur moves which I’m always a fan of. It’s just cool to see guys that are so naturally talented at things like that and it’s always fun to watch. This was back when Angle still had meat on him and didn’t look like he was about 200lbs. He was also relatively sane at the time, which is always a plus. In a funny visual, Angle out wrestles Lesnar and sends him to the floor. The Spanish guys STILL have no table.

They have at least a dozen tables for hardcore matches but they can’t loan the Spanish guys one for the night? I’d love to hear how ticked off they are at times. It turns into more of a brawl and Lesnar takes over as is expected. Lesnar’s second press slam is countered into a rollup. I like that as it shows that Angle learns with every move that he uses. That’s a nice little touch that likely wasn’t even intentional at all.

Lesnar busts out a rear naked choke so I guess MMA was always in his blood. We slow it down a LOT as Brock takes over with some standard heel stuff which is fine, but when I watch Brock Lesnar I want to see more than just stomps and chin locks. They keep talking about how Brock won the title last year, which is stupid as I’m pretty sure he’s done more since then. In this match, we get some of the good Angle, as he gets into that zone of his and more or less wills himself to victory.

He continues to steal moves from other wrestlers as he launches into a series of Germans from that other guy. Angle gets thrown over his head as I completely love Brock’s belly to belly and I always have. This review is rather short but as I’ve said many times, it’s hard to make fun of a good match. Lesnar’s shoulder hit the post so it’s hurt as well. Angle counters the F5 into a DDT while making it look miles better than Eddie would at No Way Out.

He pulls the straps down and for likely the first time ever, I’m loving Kurt Angle. He’s much better as a face than a heel to me, but I’m odd in that area. In a very weird thing, Angle puts the straps back up, only to pull them down again. Um, why? It looked very odd to see him do that as he got the big pop for it once so I guess he wanted another big pop? Either way it came off as odd. Ankle lock is on after Brock kicks out of the slam. In a huge twist, the referee gets knocked down.

Angle looks like he’s going for a sunset flip but in a unique move he locks his legs around Brock’s head and I guess uses a sleeper? It looks cool and I could see it working as a knockout hold I guess. From this he transitions to the ankle again and after about 30 seconds and two ropes Brock taps but there’s no one to tap to. I guess Brock is a drunk man? Vince runs out and chairs Angle to break it up as I’m going into a play by play guy which I don’t like doing.

Vince looking around as if to say I didn’t do anything makes me laugh. To just show how much of a freak he is, Lesnar hits the F5 while standing on one leg. To say that’s insane is the understatement of all time. It looks completely sick too as Angle lands straight on his head. However since this is a major PPV, Angle kicks out. Vince’s shirt looks completely stupid. The F5 is reversed into the ankle lock but Brock gets to three of the bottom ropes (called all four by Cole as he’s just a stupid boy).

However, despite him touching the ropes and even grabbing them, Kurt pulls him back and the referee doesn’t count them I guess. Lesnar taps as Kurt Mir keeps the belt. Post match Vince tries to attack Kurt with a chair and in an odd looking bit Vince misses but falls on his back. Angle slam through the chair looks completely sick.

Rating: A-. This was a GREAT match. It was two machines working very hard out there and with the right amount of time they were able to make this something special. Brock would get the title back in a few weeks after an iron man match on Smackdown. This was a very good match all around with Angle having to go to lengths he rarely had to in order to keep the title. Very good match and you should watch it.

We get an ad for Shawn’s first DVD which is also available on VHS. That just sounds odd.

Goldberg is getting ready with IPod headphones in. That makes me chuckle.

I think it’s Vince’s birthday if I’m reading the commentator’s hints right.

We see the first diva search winner, Jamie. She never got a contract which is why you’ve never heard of her. She’s cute.

Recap of RVD and Kane. This came about because Kane had to unmask in a very creepy moment and he blamed RVD for it for no apparent reason. Since then he’s just been a violent big red monster. Van Dam tries to fight him off but Kane just keeps destroying him, leading to Van Dam being tortured.

RVD vs. Kane

Just before the match starts, Fink announces that it’s been made no holds barred. At the time Kane was wearing the singlet top with pants and no mask, so he looks like a freaking moron. Anyway, Van Dam comes out and Kane of course kicks his head in for the most part. The opening half is just about all Kane but Van Dam is able to get some random punches and kicks in, but of course since he’s a main event guy, they work better. I’ve always wondered that.

Why do jobber punches mean nothing while a single right hand from say Austin can stop a guy dead in his tracks? Is it the punch that makes a guy great or is it the guy that makes the punch great? We get weapons brought into the equation and now Van Dam at least has a fighting chance. I wouldn’t call this filler, but it’s certainly not a major match, at least not in my eyes, as it’s sandwiched between the two title matches.

It’s odd to think that RVD has been world champion for far longer than Kane was, twenty two times for that matter. Kane comes off the top with the diving clothesline but misses and hits the barrier which is awesome looking.

This is back when Kane was really quite good in the ring still, but for no reason at all they wouldn’t give Kane the belt in 2002 when he was at his hottest since his debut. Van Dam gets in his usual offense but it was fairly obvious that Kane was getting the win here. RVD goes for the Van Terminator but Kane moves. This leads to the tombstone on the stairs to end it.

Rating: C-. You have a former tag team, no rules, and a violent guy. That should be a solid match wouldn’t you think, especially with two of the bigger names around. This just fell flat to me. It’s ok, but it wasn’t something I wanted to really watch. Some people would probably say it was good and I likely wouldn’t argue with them, but I just couldn’t get into it. I think the placing on the card was bad for this.

In the back Eric is getting iced and Terri asks how he’s feeling. He asks if she’s stupid. This came off as really funny to me when it likely wasn’t that great, but I really liked it. Linda comes in and Eric gets all nervous. She slaps him.

HHH is looking at his title belt. I’ve always wondered if it talks back to him. Flair gives him a pep talk.

The Chamber is lowered.

We get a recap of the first chamber match, including HHH’s legit throat injury. The problem is that we’re never told why these 6 are in this match. We instead get a music video set to St. Anger. From the best I can tell, HHH and Shawn have been kind of feuding, Nash and Jericho I know were feuding, Orton is there because he’s in Evolution, and Goldberg is the next big feud for HHH and his current feud. This is all what I remember and infer from the video.

Raw World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Jericho vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Orton vs. Goldberg

In case you don’t know the rules, you start with six guys, four in the individual pods and two in the ring. After a set amount of time, one of the four are released. It’s pinfall or submission, last man standing wins. Orton is out first, so he’ll be in the pod, as will the next three. I’m 21 years old. That’s how old Orton is here. That’s absolutely scary. Nash, out second, got his hair cut by Jericho on Monday, which in reality was for a movie he was in.

Third is HHH, who I would say needs no introduction but he’s getting one anyway. Flair isn’t with him. Correction yes he is, but just very far behind. HHH was coming off a torn groin at the time so he’s rocking some shorts, kind of like Lashley wears but a bit longer. Think of Cena’s but tights. Goldberg is out fourth so Jericho and HBK will be starting. WWE of course had to change his music, which is dumb because his music was awesome.

The chants have already started. Him walking through the pyro was always cool. JR says that describing Goldberg as intense is like describing the universe as fairly large. Listen here fat boy, I use analogies, not you, UNDERSTAND? Goldberg is also wearing the shorts now and he also looks stupid. I guess it was to avoid looking too much like Austin, which makes sense as he was a pure rip off of him already. The fans are WAY into him.

Orton is just a kid here and he looks almost scared to death. Jericho is next, making Shawn last. HBK is the grizzled veteran here who once again is going for one more shot at the title which would be his storyline going into Mania. The Chamber really does look awesome. There’s the bell and we’re finally ready to go. Jericho and Shawn had the classic at WM 19 so this is going to be good. JR says a coin toss determined who starts. How can you have a six way coin toss?

JR says that HBK dominated the late 80s and early 90s. Am I thinking of a different HBK? The fans are chanting Goldberg so I’m not sure what promotion I’m watching. The announcers do a good job of playing up HBK vs. Jericho as JR talks about the history of the world title changing in Arizona. Dude, you’re either preparing WAY too much or you’re the most bored man in the history of the world. Wait, that’s not right anyway.

That was the original world title, not this one. This belt has only been around about a year at this point, so no it hasn’t changed in Arizona. Are you starting to see why I can’t stand JR? This is probably my favorite period in Jericho’s career. It’s a shame he was turned face soon and feuded with that waste of air Christian. Orton is in third so it’s 2-1 in favor of the heels. I wish he did that cross body more. It’s awesome and always has been.

We get the WOO for Jericho’s chops, which is interesting as Flair is at ringside. I wonder if he considers that a compliment. I’d have to think that he would. Ross is really getting annoying with his repetition of things. Ross calls for Orton to break free of HHH and work for himself. Give it about a year or so there Jimmy boy. They finally go outside the ring and hit the cage a bit and the match instantly gets more interesting.

Shawn goes for…something and Jericho catches him with the Walls. It looked bad as more or less Shawn jumped perfectly for the Walls. Nash is in now as they try as hard as they can to make him sound like a credible threat. Well, he’s been in there 15 seconds and he’s not hurt yet so he can consider tonight a victory of sorts I guess. He has short blond hair here, so he looks completely stupid.

He’s the jobber here as no one, and I mean no one thought he was a legit challenger, despite being the only guy here to actually have beaten Goldberg. Jericho is busted. Nash and HHH had easily the worst Cell match ever earlier this year, ending any credibility that he had left. Apparently Shawn is really close to a lot of people. It’s a shame none of them are named Becca.

Shawn super kicks Nash leading to a Jericho rollup to get rid of him, just furthering the theory that he’s a jobber. HHH is next and in a cool spot he steps through the door and HBK kicks him in the face. HHH falls back into the pod, out cold. Nash, desperate to get injured so he gets more time off with pay I guess, jackknifes Jericho and Orton before leaving. It’s a shame that he couldn’t stay healthy as he’s certainly a decent worker, especially when he’s talking.

He gets a solid pop when he throws his hand in the air, so if nothing else the people still liked him. HHH looks like he’s taking a nap. Shawn is bleeding now too, so at least we’re getting some solid violence in this one. This match isn’t very good. It’s about half the length of the original if even that and it’s just not interesting. All anyone wanted to see was Goldberg and HHH, yet for no good reason, we got this. It’s a novelty and nothing more, and in this case it’s hurting things.

Back in 2002, it was great because it was new and flashy. It’s been a letdown since then and this match is a great example of that. I think a big part of last year being a success also was Shawn’s big moment, which really was cool when you think about it. I’m actually pretty bored right now watching this. I think it’s the lack of drama. Everyone knew that it was coming down to Goldberg and HHH, so why have the other four?

There are a bunch of combinations you could put those guys in, so why have the Chamber other than to bump up buyrates? Goldberg and HHH had the one on one showdown the next month, so it’s not like it was never going to happen. It makes little sense to me and it’s really hurting things because we have to wait 20 minutes before Goldberg is there and another 10 before he and HHH get into it.

What’s the point? Most of the rant is over but I reserve the right to come back to it later on which I likely am going to do. Yeah this is another reason it sucks. Right now and for the last 45 seconds or so, EVERYONE IS DOWN. Literally, we’re watching them lay there and try to get up. Dude I can go to my aunt’s house and watch people lay around and do nothing if that’s what I’m looking for. Why would you have a match based on a lot of action and then do nothing with it?

Who do you think you are, TNA? Of course since we get a fistfight, JR says it’s like Saturday night in some obscure Oklahoma town. Is there really nothing better to do in Oklahoma than get in bar fights and choke in big football games? Oh yeah apparently you can overeat and become the world’s most annoying announcer who does nothing but shout and be a big country boy.

I get that JR is a great announcer and he’s had some masterful moments, but DANG he’s just annoying most of the time. Some of the stuff that he says blows my mind with how annoying it is.

Man I want to just sit here and rant about him for the next few minutes but I guess that would be fairly boring, so instead I’ll continue rambling like this. Oh Goldberg is in and the fans have a pulse again. Good for them. JR says he’s hitting everything with a heartbeat. If that’s so, why isn’t he hitting the camera guys or himself?

Jericho and Shawn commit an ultimate sin and cause a sign of the apocalypse by teaming up to fight Goldberg. Orton gets the heck speared out of him to eliminate him and HHH has been down a LONG time now. Oh he’s up. I guess that’s this being a cowardly heel thing I’ve heard about so many times. I know it’s hard to believe but yes, the WWE does make their heels cowardly from time to time.

In the first really good spot of the match, Goldberg spears Jericho through the Plexiglas. That just looked and sounded awesome. Sweet Chin Music is ducked and Shawn gets speared. I don’t have a Becca joke here. Jackhammer ends him. Just before that he points at HHH and JR says it’s as if he’s saying you’re next to HHH. My oh my what a great phrase JR has coined. How does he EVER come up with these things?

Jericho gets the same combo platter so it’s now one on one but HHH is still in his pod. There’s no way to get him out, so Goldberg kicks and punches the door in. That’s actually really stupid but it was all he could do. Anyway, HHH gets completely destroyed as you would expect. HHH starts coming back so at least this isn’t a squash. The showdown lasts all of 3 minutes though as they go into the ring and Flair slips the hammer to HHH.

Goldberg goes for the spear but he gets a hammer into the head. After the match we get the Evolution beat down. JR says that it’s felonious assault. You know what, that’s so stupid I’m not even going to make fun of it. You Jim Ross, are annoying, plain and simple.

They handcuff him to the cage as JR is saying that they think Evolution doesn’t want to see Goldberg around here anymore. Really JR? Did you figure that all by yourself? Did you manage to tie your own shoes together too? I guess Vince and Linda must like each other since they have kids. HHH poses with the belt as we go off the air.

Rating: D, For reasons already given, this match just sucks and it sucks badly. Actually that makes no sense because it means it’s bad at being bad, making it good. Oh dang it I’m turning into JR. Where’s my Texas shirt when I need it? Anyway, this match was horrible.

It was about two guys and they were together for all of 4 minutes out of 18 the match went for. Last year it was anyone’s to win, even guys like Booker or RVD. This year, we knew it would be one of the two, so why should we care? Add onto that the dead time and Nash and this was just really bad.

Overall Rating: D+. This was really quite bad. There’s one very good match here with Brock and Kurt, but other than that everything is either bad or average at best. I liked the US Title match but for the way it was booked more than the match itself. This show is pretty bad, as was most of the WWE around this time.

Nothing of interest was going on and it wouldn’t until the young blood stepped up and took over next year with Benoit’s title reign and Edge coming back from his injury to fight Evolution. Batista would be back in about a month or so to complete the team, which was both good and bad but that’s a rant for a later time. I wouldn’t watch this again, but Brock and Kurt is definitely worth checking out. Other than that, stay away.