Impact Wrestling
Date: June 16, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re past Slammiversary now and on the way to Victory Road.  Tonight we apparently also begin the Bound For Glory Series which is a competition between 12 people that I guess we’ll hear the details of tonight.  Also we have a new world champion in the form of Mr. Anderson who has a #1 contender in the form of Kurt Angle.  Finally we also get to begin the build for the Victory Road PPV which is an X-Division themed show involving some people being brought in from the past and outside as well.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a highlight package of Slammiversary with post match soundbytes from a lot of the guys.  Jarrett says it’s over with Angle when he says it’s over.

Anderson is here with the title and what looks like a black eye.  There’s a bunch of stuff in the ring such as a basketball goal, a pinball machine, a stripper pole, some food and beer kegs.  This is his championship reception.  Anderson says he doesn’t need anyone in the back or the fans.  There are five people that are important to him: his niece, his wife, me, myself and I.

Here’s Gunner to crash the party.  He talks about how Anderson asked him for help last week and wants a title match as his reward.  Anderson thanks him but says Gunner’s services are no longer required and he wishes him the best in all of his future endeavors.  Gunner has a hick accent.  Anderson says no because there are more deserving people than Gunner.  He’s thirsty apparently and pours a beer for himself which of course goes into Gunner’s face.  Gunner puts him through the table of food to end the segment.

The Bound For Glory series is for the title shot at BFG.  That’s a nice prize.

Sting is here.

D-Von vs. Hernandez

This stems off a match on Xplosion where D-Von beat Anarquia and was beaten down post match, only for Pope to make the save.  Hernandez jumps him to start thanks to Sarita distracting the referee.  D-Von gets a clothesline for two and spears Hernandez coming out of the corner to keep his advantage.

D-Von has slimmed down a bit apparently.  Pope saunters out and sits next to D-Von’s family, allowing Hernandez to roll up D-Von for two.  Thesz Press by D-Von and here’s Mexican America to run in for the DQ at 1:52.  Well this was pointless.  Pope makes the save after D-Von’s sons insist he do so.  They have a weird staredown post match.

Anderson storms into Bischoff’s office and says Eric needs to control Gunner.  Eric says no because Anderson turned down Immortal awhile ago.  It’s Anderson vs. Gunner, presumably tonight.  Ah yes it’s tonight.

Kurt is here with his kids.

After the break here’s Kurt, minus his kids.  Did he leave them with Abyss in daycare or something?  Angle talks about how you don’t just put a gold medal on the line on a whim.  He says that in 1996 he trained very hard and managed to make the Olympic team and even won a gold medal to represent his country.  Angle says he wants to do it again and is trying out for the 2012 Olympic wrestling team at the age of 43.  That’s legit from what I understand.

Here’s Jarrett who says it’s not over yet.  He says this started with a handshake in Pittsburgh so let’s end this tonight.  Jeff says that the company can’t hold both of them.  He wants one more match and doesn’t care if it means leaving the country or moving to Mexico.  Well he is going to be at AAA’s biggest show of the year this weekend so there’s some truth to that.

Angle says Jeff should have more honor than this and needs to just leave.  Jeff apparently says that there was nothing going on with him and Karen and he lied so Jeff’s word means nothing.  If Jeff can get a document together by the end of the show saying he’ll go to Mexico if he loses, Kurt will see him in the parking lot tonight.  The FINAL BATTLE was four days ago right?

We’ll explain the BFG Series next.

Ok so here’s the deal.  There are 12 people in it and the winner is in the BFG Title Match.  Points can be won in any kind of match on any TNA show, including house shows.  Here’s how the scoring works:

Submission: 10 points

Pin: 7 points

Count Out: 5 points

DQ Win: 3 points

Draw: 2 points

DQ Loss: -10 points

The top four compete at an unspecified date and the winner gets the title shot at the biggest show of the year.  RVD vs. Samoa Joe is the first match tonight.

Eric Young is talking to Matt Morgan about how he needs to get ready for his TV Title match tonight.  Morgan says he needs to get ready for the BFG Series.  If any match counts for that, why not beat Young at the same time?  Anyway, Young says it has to be a TV star he faces for the TV Title.  Morgan says an executive producer here used to be on a sitcom so go find him.

Apparently there’s going to be a 12 man tournament with the winner getting a contract at the PPV.

Austin Aries vs. Kid Kash vs. Jimmy Rave

This is part of the aforementioned tournament apparently.  Rave has the way old Christian style see through shirt.  Aries wants a test of strength with either guy.  Next week there are going to be three new X guys apparently.  Aries is sent to the floor and Rave takes over on Kash.  Aries comes back in and that goes nowhere as Kash pulls him to the floor.  Kash tries a springboard but jumps into a spear by Rave for two.  Aries cleans house and sends them both to the floor to set up a suicide dive to take them both out.

BIG Austin Aries chant starts up as it’s pretty clear that he’s the biggest deal here.  Kash takes both guys out with a huge spinning dive.  Back in the ring Kash and Aries slug it out with Kash getting two.  Aries breaks up a Rave cover and plants him with a brainbuster to end this at 4:25.

Rating: B-. Very fast paced match here and it’s pretty clear that Aries is the best guy out there, but at the same time I’m not getting overly excited for this series.  Once a year they build up the X-Division and after that show the whole thing goes back into the regular flow of things.  The matches will certainly be fun though so there’s that to look forward to at least.

Knockout Tag Titles: Velvet Sky/Miss Tessmacher vs. Sarita/Rosita

Sarita and Velvet start us off.  Mexican America has been sent to the back apparently.  Velvet sends her flying and it’s off to Rosita and Tessmacher.  The challengers dominate for awhile so it’s off to Sarita again.  This is your standard Knockouts match, in that they’re nice to look at but at the same time it’s a lot of yelling and not much on the wrestling.  Tessmacher looks incredible in those little shorts but she can’t wrestle that well at all.  Everything breaks down but as the challengers want a double suplex, here’s ODB to distract Velvet.  The champs double team Tessmacher and a flip splash by Rosita gets the pin at 3:52.

Rating: D. Nothing of note at all here as the whole thing was just to set up more ODB vs. Velvet which is nothing interesting in the slightest.  The girls aren’t incredibly good in the ring but they’re trying at least.  They needed someone in there to anchor this match and it hurt things a lot.

Post match ODB and Velvet yell at each other a lot and here’s Jackie freaking Moore for the double beatdown on Velvet.  Oh joy.  The girls beat up security and Velvet for a long while until they get split up.

Jarrett signs the contract with Hogan for later and Hogan calls him the King of Kings.  Jeff leaves and Sting pops up.  On the 14^th of July it’s the rematch, the show after Destination X.  Sting believes him and Hogan says there’s a history between them that no one knows about.  Sting asks if there’s a shred of the old Hogan left.  Sting rants about Hogan’s legacy in WCW and the catchphrases and Hogan’s legacy that he’s leaving for Brooke and Nick (Hulk’s kids) which sets Hogan off.

Hogan throws him out and Sting freaks out, saying he’s not ready to leave.  He goes insane, yelling at “Terry”, asking if Terry wants to wear a mask.  Sting gets the paint from last week and paints on Hulk’s face while pushing him into the corner.  Sting shouts about making the choice and we finally see Hogan with paint all over his face.  WEIRD segment to say the least.

Jackie and ODB rant about cleaning up the division and Velvet jumps ODB.  This results in the heels yelling a lot and sounding very annoying.

Austin Aries says he’s going to make the X-Division matter again.  Eric Young pops up and tries to start a TV Title match with the interviewer.  He superkicks him and gets a pin with Aries counting.  Oh it was Jason Hervey from the Wonder Years.

Bound For Glory Series: Rob Van Dam vs. Samoa Joe

This is billed as a dream match.  Ok then.  The bell is after a break.  Joe takes over to start but RVD reverses into a body press for two and hits the floor.  Joe catches a slingshot dives into a belly to belly for two in a solid looking spot.  RVD avoids a shot in the corner and hits a spinwheel kick to the face of Joe in the corner.  Monkey flip out of the corner doesn’t work though as Rob lands on the apron, only to get clotheslined across the top to the floor.  Suicide elbow takes RVD out again and Joe is in full control.

They change some reversals in the ring and Joe crushes Rob into the corner.  Joe’s skin is blood red for some reason.  Kick to the back of the head gets two for the Samoan.  Joe fires some LOUD chops but runs into a boot in the corner.  Rob tries a spinning cross body but Joe goes old school and just moves out of the way of it, letting Rob crash.  I love it when he does that.

Knee drop gets two and we hit a modified chinlock.  RVD fights out of it and gets a Stunner to set up a superkick.  Rolling Thunder gets two.  Joe counters a leapfrog of all things but walks into the spin kick of Van Dam’s.  Release Rock Bottom out of the corner takes Rob down again and Joe loads up the Musclebuster.  Rob blocks it so Joe tries a superplex instead.  Van Dam breaks it up and the Five Star ends this at 9:10 to give Rob seven points.

Rating: C+. I liked this actually as both guys did a decent job out there.  Once they got past the first few minutes things got going a bit better and it became a big match showdown which is what these two should be having.  Also nice to see a match get some time tonight as that’s normally a perk and it was here.

Gunner is getting medical attention from earlier and says he doesn’t like anyone.

Gunner vs. Mr. Anderson

Gunner has Bischoff with him but Bischoff heads to the back rather quickly.  Non-title here.  Interesting note about Anderson here as his first title match is on July 14, meaning there won’t be a world title match at Destination X.  After a brief run around outside Anderson gets that neckbreaker of his for two.  Off to the chinlock about 90 seconds in with the champion in control.  Anderson has a bit of a gut on him.

More shots to the back of the head and then Anderson just hammers away.  He slams Gunner but misses a Swanton Bomb.  Gunner fights back and gets a belly to back suplex for two.  There’s a big bandage on Gunner’s nose so I guess he got cut from the cup earlier.  Rolling fireman’s carry slam gets two for Anderson so he hammers away a bit more.  And now Anderson calls down the mic.  He announces that he’s still world champion and walks into the F5 for the pin at 8:45.

Rating: C-. Didn’t really get into this and the ending really hurt it I think.  I get that Anderson is cocky but why would he be that arrogant?  Also really not a fan of having the world champion lose in his first match.  I will give them credit for pushing some new young guys though in the form of Crimson and Gunner, so there’s certainly that.

Steiner vs. Ray next week in a BFG match.  Steiner rants about not knowing how to do anything other than beat people up.  He has no sugar for Ray and can’t play the guitar either.  This is one of those so insane it’s funny promos from Steiner.

Ray says not to crack jokes.  This match has the potential to be either the biggest trainwreck of all time or a pretty awesome brawl.

Time for the parking lot brawl with the circle of cars and wrestlers out there.  Do you win by pin I guess?  Angle takes him down with relative ease and hammers him.  This is shot like a fight instead of a match and Angle grabs an armbreaker.  Jeff fights out of it and it’s almost all Kurt so far.  Jeff sends him into a car and Ray yells him on.

Jeff says he’ll never leave TNA (again) and tells Kurt to go to train for the Olympics before hitting the Stroke on the concrete.  Angle gets up as Jeff leaves and they go at it some more.  Angle Slam onto a car and Angle chokes him with his shirt.  “Say adios Jarrett!”  Jeff is done and Angle leaves.  Ray says Jeff enver gave up.  Jarrett wakes up and says adios to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Well you certainly can’t say that they didn’t throw a lot at us here.  I really didn’t like the middle section with the girls yelling and the Sting/Hogan thing.  Not that segment didn’t grab my attention and get incredibly intense because it did, but it probably leads to Hogan vs. Sting and there’s no way that’s going to be worth seeing.  Not a huge fan of this show, but they were certainly trying which I can definitely give them point for.  The two tournaments going on at once are a stretch, but it could be more of the same I guess, which means this is a better alternative.

Results

D-Von b. Hernandez via DQ when Mexican America interfered

Austin Aries b. Jimmy Rave and Kid Kash – Brainbuster to Rave

Rosita/Sarita b. Velvet Sky/Miss Tessmacher – Flip Splash to Tessmacher

Rob Van Dam b. Samoa Joe – Five Star Frog Splash

Gunner b. Mr. Anderson – F5

Slammiversary 2011
Date: June 12, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s anniversary day for TNA again as this time they’re turning nine.  The main event is Sting vs. Anderson in what I’m sure will live up to all of the hype.  Given the matches and such they’ve had so far for this setup, that shouldn’t take much.  Other than that we’ve got Angle vs. Jarrett in another final match, this time with the medals and the title shot next month on the line.  Other than that, standard TNA fair.  Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Sting vs. Anderson to no surprise.  Now let’s talk about the Knockouts and Angle/Jarrett.  Jarrett vs. Angle is the main topic.  Nothing about the whole anniversary aspect yet.  Sting vs. Anderson is the last part of it.  Nothing special at all here.

Tag Titles: British Invasion vs. James Storm/Alex Shelley

Shelley is subbing for the injured Robert Roode here.  The Brits are Magnus and Williams who now have matching jackets.  Roode sits in on commentary.  Williams is in trunks now which is going to take some getting used to.  Storm vs. Williams to start us off but it’s off to Shelley quickly.  Shelley of course speeds things way up but a blind tag brings in Storm to face Magnus.  Very fast paced stuff so far.

Double dropkick takes Magnus down so it’s off to Williams.  They do one of the Guns’ moves with the bridging neck hold but Storm adds in a pair of fingers to the eyes instead of a dropkick.  Shelley gets pulled to the floor and the tide turns a bit.  Williams chokes away a bit and drops a knee for two.  The Brits get an overly elaborate double neckbreaker as Shelley plays face in peril for awhile.

Magnus hits a suplex and Shelley wants a tag.  Nice double team moves sets up a middle rope elbow for Williams.  Exploder suplex by Williams looks to set up Rolling Chaos Theory but Shelly counters into a Downward Spiral into the middle buckle.  Hot tag to Storm who sends Williams to the floor.  Williams is sent to the floor again, this time on top of Magnus.  Suicide dive by Shelley takes Williams down again.  That’s not a good few seconds for him at all.

They even stop to do the BEER MONEY thing.  Shelley stuns Magnus on the top rope and Storm sets for the Eye of the Storm but Williams reverses.  Superkick is blocked as is the Rolling Chaos.  Superkicks all around and a Codebreaker sets up a top rope double stomp for a close two on Williams.

Top rope kick puts Magnus down and Storm loads up the beer, which of course goes into Shelley’s eyes.  Shelley drills Storm and a top rope variation of the Hart Attack (European Uppercut instead of a clothesline) gets a very close two on Storm.  Shelley pops in again and it’s a superkick to Magnus to set up the Sliced Bread to end this.  Solid opener.

Rating: B. Good stuff to start us off here and that’s exactly what it was supposed to be.  Tags are more or less the perfect opener to shows, especially when they’re fast paced like this one was.  They worked hard out there and we have a solid pace set for the show, which is what the opener is for.  I’m very pleased here.

Jarrett and Angle got here earlier today.

Steiner says his arms are bigger than Morgan’s so he’ll beat him down tonight.  Oh and he’ll take Morgan’s girlfriend.

Matt Morgan vs. Scott Steiner

Let the war of alliteration begin!  Steiner is billed from the Detroit University of Michigan.  The university is in Ann Arbor but who cares I guess.  Morgan dominates to start and takes Steiner to the floor rather quickly.  Back in Steiner hits a low blow and takes over.  I can’t imagine this is going to go long.  Belly to belly gets two.  There’s the clothesline/elbow/pushups.  Steiner’s offense is rather slow so let’s talk about the Impact Wrestling fantasy game.

Steiner yells at the fans a lot and continues his very slow style.  Tazz calls it veteran pacing.  I call it he’s old and slow.  Morgan wakes up a bit and hammers away to start his comeback.  Steiner goes into the buckle and it’s a splash to set up a side slam for no cover.  Michinoku Driver gets two.  Steiner gets a suplex (I’m shocked too) to break the momentum and two at the same time.  Isn’t he efficient?

Downward Spiral by Steiner for two.  Steiner Recliner goes on and there’s zero torque on it at all.  Morgan gets underneath him and lifts him up but Steiner USES A VICTORY ROLL for two.  WOW.  Chokeslam and belly to belly are blocked and the Carbon Footprint ends this.  Well at least the right guy won there.

Rating: C-. Not a horrible battle of the big men here and I’m still recovering from that victory roll.  It was a pretty good one on top of that.  Now for the love of all things good and holy, get Morgan something else to do that isn’t a random power vs. power feud.  He’s been doing those forever now and they’re old.

Jarrett says he’s already taken Kurt’s greatest accomplishment and she’s sitting in Sleeping Giant.  Oh wait that’s just Morgan’s music still playing.  Karen is the greatest accomplishment apparently.  On Thursday Jeff is going to be awarded the gold medal apparently.  This victory is going to be dedicated to Karen.

Recap of the X-Division triple threat.  Abyss got the title from Kaz and quoted Art of War a lot.  Kaz and Kendrick are trying to get the title off of him to save the X-Division.  Oh and Abyss calls it the Xtreme Title.

X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Abyss vs. Kazarian

Kendrick is all serious here.  You would think this would be a handicap match for the most part.  Kendrick is down within seconds so Kaz tries to hammer away to no real result.  Dropkick works a bit but Kaz is knocked to the floor a second later.  Abyss is like screw these tiny men and throws Kendrick to the floor on top of Kaz.  They finally wake up and double team him which puts him down in the corner.

Out to the floor and more double teaming takes Abyss down.  Back in the ring and Kaz tries to send Kendrick into Abyss but thankfully Abyss remembers that his finisher is a spinning slam so it’s a Black Hole Slam for Kendrick.  Big boot takes Kaz down and the monster stands tall.  Abyss beats on Kaz and knocks Kendrick back to the floor before he can do anything.

Big lumbering clothesline in the corner puts Kaz down as we’ve slowed this way down.  Kaz tries to bite Abyss and that fails as well.  Off to a neck crank as Kendrick comes back in again.  And scratch that as he falls down again.  Kaz tries a comeback but gets caught in Shock Treatment.  Vader Bomb misses as the previously assumed dead Kendrick is back in.  Some dropkicks put Abyss down for two.  More kicks set up a decent tornado DDT for two.  Abyss gets all ticked off and chokeslams Kendrick.  Pretty bad rana takes Abyss down as does a double dropkick.

Slingshot legdrop by Kaz sets up a frog splash by Kendrick for a double stacked two.  Chokeslam to Kaz is countered into a rollup for two.  Kaz is thrown into Kendrick and Abyss falls to the floor.  Kendrick and Kaz fire off some rights to each other and some F Bombs.  Well this had to happen eventually.  Kaz puts him on the top and Abyss is still down.  Kaz tries a top rope C4 to Kendrick but settles for the Fade To Black.  That doesn’t work either as Kendrick reverses and nails Kaz with a leg lariat.  And here’s Abyss to steal the pin to retain.

Rating: C. The selling was kind of overkill here but at the same time they had the story down pretty well.  It entered into the triple threat formula at the end but at the same time they kind of had to do that to make the match work.  Not a horrible match or anything but just about what was expected.  Abyss will likely lose next month.

Crimson vs. Joe is recapped.  It’s a battle of the undefeated streaks so look for Crimson to win here, which would be his biggest win.  Oh and we get a clip of the “viral” video of the bar fight.

Samoa Joe vs. Crimson

Crimson hits the ring and they slug it out immediately.  The fans think Joe’s Gonna Kill Crimson.  Suicide dive is blocked by a forearm from the floor and there’s a big boot back in the ring by Crimson.  Neckbreaker gets two.  Cravate goes on so Joe gets a bad dragon screw leg whip to take the red dude down.  Crimson hammers away on Joe but walks into a kind of atomic drop sort of a move to the knee.  That was different.

He takes Crimson down with relative ease and there’s a leg bar for a few seconds.  Spinning toe hold by Joe as we go back to the mid 1870s.  Crimson counters into a triangle choke and then an arm bar which gets him nowhere.  T-Bone suplex by Crimson takes Joe down as the fans are trying to get into this.  Double arm DDT gets two.  The fans chant Mercer, which is Crimson’s real name I believe.

Suplex and a clothesline by Joe get two.  Joe goes up to the middle rope for a Rough Ryder for two.  Joe is all frustrated.  “Dang man end this match already before the buffet is empty.”  Powerbomb gets two and it’s off to a half crab.  We get a Gumby reference of all things as the hold stays on.  They slap it out and Crimson gets a spear to take Joe down.  They slug it out again with Crimson knocking him back into the corner.  Now Joe knocks him back into the corner but can’t get the Musclebuster.  Clutch can’t go on either so there’s the Red Sky to end this.

Rating: C+. Pretty good big slugout here and it’s good to see Crimson actually face big time competition for a change.  Pretty good match here with the ending being pretty clear, but a nice test for Crimson nonetheless.  I don’t think Crimson is as great as he’s made out to be, but this worked pretty well for what it was.

They shake hands post match and Joe pulls Crimson in close to say we’ll do this again.

Winter and Angelina do their usual thing.  Winning the title is a step closer to the final destiny apparently.  Angelina turns down the pill this time and says it’s not necessary anymore because they’re on the same page.

Knockout Title: Angelina Love vs. Mickie James

Fans are totally behind Mickie here.  There’s a fat guest timekeeper that Taz makes jokes about.  Angelina does her zombie thing and it turns into kind of a catfight.  Love works on the arm so Mickie gets a rana out of the corner, only to walk into a snap suplex for two.  Mickie blows a kiss at Winter so Winter takes her down.  Not into swinging I guess.  Mickie gets a clothesline to take both girls down.

And there she goes right back to the floor.  Angelina is sent into the steps which gets about a seven on the floor.  Back in and Mickie takes over one more time with a bunch of clotheslines.  Thesz Press off the top gets no cover.  Winter grabs Mickie’s foot again which gets her nowhere at all.

Botox Injection (name totally doesn’t fit anymore) gets two so Angelina goes all psycho on Mickie again.  She tries that backbreaker thing she’s been doing which is countered into the DDT attempt.  Northern lights suplex gets two.  Winter cheating on a rollup gets two.  They botch the jumping DDT like never before but it gets the pin anyway.  Horrible looking ending and considering Mickie was involved in it, that says a lot.

Rating: D+. The botches were flowing harder than a sorority’s menstrual cycle here and it really hurt the match.  They need to get somewhere already with this story because they’re moving like molasses with it.  Just get to the lesbian stuff or have Angelina wake up already.  Mickie keeping the title here is probably only temporary but whatever.

Mickie gets choked out after the match.

Ray says he’s a man unlike AJ and that he’ll destroy AJ.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray.  Ray is being a bully (shocking) and doesn’t like how AJ acts as a wrestler, saying he’s a boy.

Bully Ray vs. AJ Styles

Last man standing here.  AJ is listed as being from Gainesville, Florida instead of Georgia.  Christy looks good, but dude, go wear low cut shirts and that’s about it.  Staredown to start and then AJ hammers away.  Ray runs him over so that gets us nowhere.  This is going to take awhile to get anywhere, much like any last man standing match.  Ray pounds away and we go to the floor for awhile.

Bully sets up the steps but chops away instead.  He drops AJ onto the steps but pulls him up at about 4.  Ray puts the steps on AJ and then stands on him, which should get a ten.  Naturally Ray lets him up because he’s not that intelligent at times.  That and a few more shots get a four.  Back into the ring for some more hard chops as this has almost been all Ray.

AJ says bring it and holds his chest out.  More chopping follows and Styles says keep em coming.  Ray of course stands around and lets AJ get up because again, he’s not that smart.  Instead he punches him in the jaw this time which works a bit better.  AJ gets back up and his chest is all kinds of messed up.  Styles hammers away and gets Ray down with the Pele.  Springboard forearm gets six.

Ray goes up so AJ hits a Pele up there.  AJ goes up there for a rana but gets caught in a sitout powerbomb.  That looks awesome coming off the top and it gets like five here.  They both stumble to the floor and Ray has a chain.  That hits post though and Ray’s hand is hurt.  AJ gets the chain and a jumping punch with it sends Ray under the ring to blade.  Ooo and it’s a good one too.

Back in the ring and AJ gets his springboard 450 for a count of about 8.  AJ picks Ray up and throws him to the floor and down goes a cameraman.  Pescado puts Ray down again and it’s Styles Clash time.  That of course doesn’t work so we go back up the ramp.  Ray wants the powerbomb again but AJ hits a pair of Peles and a punt to send Ray to the floor.

AJ is like screw it and dives off the stage to Ray and it looks like his head slammed into Ray’s shoulder.  That only gets 9.  Styles loads up a table and puts it in front of the stage.  Chair to the back puts Ray on it and it’s huge spot time.  He sets for a running dive but realizes it’s too far.  Instead he climbs up the truss and hits one of the biggest dives you’ll EVER see to kill Ray.  I was legit scared there.  And then Ray kicks him through the stage wall and wins the freaking thing.  HORRIBLE ending as AJ was built up perfectly and then oh wait let’s make sure Ray wins because AJ freaking Styles isn’t a big enough star right?

Rating: B. Great match and the ending ruined it.  AJ hits one of the biggest spots in company history and then BULLY FREAKING RAY beats him with a kick to the back?  Are you freaking kidding me?  Zero reason at all for Ray to win this and the shot he wins it with was freaking weak.  AJ’s dive is worth seeing and is up there with the Swanton Jeff Hardy did to Orton on Raw like three years ago for scary dives.  Hate the ending though.  Absolutely hate it.

Anderson says it’s serious time tonight.

We recap the world title match which is Anderson trying to get under Sting’s skin, which never really made a lot of sense but whatever.

TNA World Title: Sting vs. Mr. Anderson

Sting comes in and jumps Anderson during the entrance.  He’s in all red here and has that paint on his face making him look like the Joker.  All Sting so far as Anderson can’t even get his shirt off.  Into the crowd they go and Anderson goes into a wall.  There’s black/gray around Sting’s mouth for some reason.  Anderson gets a quick reversal and that gets him nowhere at all as Sting pounds on him even more.

Up the steps they go even further and this is wasting a ton of time.  To the ring finally and Sting is sent into the post.  Anderson sends Sting’s hand into the steps and then pulls the arm around the post for awhile.  More F Bombs dropped as an armbar goes on Sting.  Clothesline puts Sting down again for two.  Anderson wastes forever and does Sting’s chest pound before missing a horrible Stinger Splash.

Modified world’s strongest slam gets two.  Anderson is covering a lot here.  Back to the armbar which makes some sense here at least.  Sting starts his comeback and pounds on his chest as he is known to do at times.  Clothesline sets up a backdrop and the splash in the corner.  Scorpion is set up….and here’s Bischoff.  Another Stinger Splash misses and Anderson gets a very close two.

Sting gets a regular DDT with the bad arm for two.  He tries something close to a Banzai Drop but gets caught in the little stingers which gets two for Anderson.  Mic Check hits on the second attempt for two.  Stinger Splash and the Death Drop hit but Bischoff interferes and messes with the count so there was only a two count instead of the three.  Low blow RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REFEREE sets up the Mic Check and we have a new champion.  Wow indeed.

Rating: C. The chicanery hits again.  I really hope this doesn’t set up Anderson joining Immortal because it really seemed like it was dying there for awhile.  Bischoff is the source of drama again which is his custom.  Hopefully this sticks around so we don’t have Sting vs. Hogan for the title.  Surprising ending and it more or less locks up Angle winning tonight in the main event.

Karen says Kurt pushed her which is what caused her injuries.  The medal comes to Tennessee tonight.  Tenay calls her a ball buster.

We recap Jarrett vs. Angle which is the final battle tonight.  They’ve had like six PPV matches tonight and this one is mainly over Karen being “injured” (read as going off to get implants) which we couldn’t see the details of.

Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett

Winner gets the title shot next month and if Jeff wins he gets Kurt’s medal.  I can live with this being the main event because it’s the anniversary show and this has been built up better than Sting vs. Anderson.  Angle’s right arm is taped a bit.  Feeling out process to start as they’re going for the big epic match here which they probably should.  Angle takes it to the mat as is his custom.

Headlock goes on for awhile by Angle and he adds a hiptoss to take over.  Jeff backdrops him to the floor and Kurt is holding his shoulder which I’d assume is kayfabe.  Jeff works him over on the floor for awhile and we head back into the ring.  Jarrett hammers away as Angle is in trouble.  He hits that move where one guy is in position for the 619 and you jump on their back.  Both try cross bodies and they both go down.

There’s the sleeper to give them a breather.  Angle rams him into the corner and there’s a German.  Boo/yay punching sequence with the yays having it.  Belly to belly gets two.  Dropkick off the middle rope gets two.  Jarrett tries a rana I think which is countered into a powerbomb for two.  Ankle lock goes on for a bit but Jeff gets a DDT for two.  Stroke is countered into the Angle Slam for two.  Moonsault misses and he would have barely hit Jeff’s feet anyway.

Tombstone doesn’t work and it’s ankle lock time again.  Jeff rolls through and down goes the referee.  Low blow takes Kurt down and Jeff grabs a guitar on the floor.  Down goes Kurt and for once he moves the pieces out of the ring.  He leaves one though and here’s another referee who apparently wasn’t watching the screen in the back.  That gets two and Jeff is ticked.

Earl and Jeff get into a shoving match, resulting in a Kurt rollup for two.  Here are the Germans for a long two.  Jeff goes up and there’s the running suplex for a long two.  The crowd isn’t really getting into this for some reason.  Angle charges and goes shoulder first into the post.  Middle rope Stroke only gets two.  Jeff gets the Angle Slam and the ankle lock to Kurt, including the leg lace.  Jeff stands up for some reason and Kurt rolls through into the ankle lock with the lace and Jeff taps.

Rating: B+. Very good match here and mostly worthy of a main event of a PPV, but at the same time it never hit that epic level that they were looking for.  Anderson vs. Angle at the next PPV should be ok but we’ve seen it before.  At least it hasn’t happened recently though so that helps.  This was a rather good match here and a fitting match for the final battle.  Good match, but not quite great.

Overall Rating: B-. Overall this was good but at the same time there were some rather questionable booking decisions on this show.  The Bischoff thing I’m not sure about at all but that’s coming on Impact I guess.  Ray vs. AJ was freaking stupid after the great match which doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.  Overall it’s good, but some of the booking and the first hour being pretty weak overall hurts it.  Still good though and one of the better TNA shows in a good while.

Results

James Storm/Alex Shelley b. British Invasion – Sliced Bread #2 to Magnus

Matt Morgan b. Scott Steiner – Carbon Footprint

Abyss b. Brian Kendrick and Kazarian – Abyss pinned Kazarian after a leg lariat from Kendrick

Crimson b. Samoa Joe – Red Sky

Mickie James b. Angelina Love – Jumping DDT

Bully Ray b. AJ Styles – Styles couldn’t answer the ten count

Mr. Anderson b. Sting – Mic Check

Kurt Angle b. Jeff Jarrett – Ankle Lock

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 2, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s Thursday, which means it’s time for Impact.  After last week’s less than inspired effort, hopefully tonight there are no 40 minute rests between matches.  We have two weeks left before Slammiversary and most of the card seems to be all set up.  I’d expect more shenanigans from Anderson tonight as far as Sting and more build between Jarrett and Angle because we haven’t seen enough of that yet right?  Let’s get to it.

Bischoff arrives and is served legal papers by the Network.  Because when you think of wrestling, you think of old men with gray hair, network dealings and legal paperwork right?

We open with a big brawl between Velvet and ODB in the back.  Velvet fights back and hits a spear through….a big piece of paper.  ODB shouts about Velvet being the reason why ODB doesn’t have a job.  ODB beats her up and carries her into the Impact Zone, shouting about how Velvet slept her way to her job and all that jazz.

The producers FINALLY come out to break this up and that goes nowhere so ODB rips off the shirt Velvet is wearing so we at least get to see Sky in a bikini which is never a bad thing.  After Velvet is left laying and ODB leaves Tessmacher finally comes out to help her.  Some friend.  This ate up like five minutes total.

AJ and Bully Ray have a confrontation later.  Not a match mind you, a confrontation.

Also Jarrett/Steiner vs. Angle/Morgan.

Here’s Sting and never mind as it’s really Anderson again in old school Sting clothes.  He’s going to face someone from Sting’s past tonight and that’s about it.

Bischoff is on the phone and Kendrick comes up, saying he wants another shot at Abyss.  Kaz has the shot at the PPV apparently but tonight instead it’s Kaz vs. Kendrick and the winner gets Abyss at Slammiversary.

Bischoff is still on the phone, apparently to Hogan.  He actually says SpikeTV instead of The Network for once.  He comes into the arena and apparently that was during the break.  Hogan will be here later it seems.  Bischoff calls down Beer Money and apparently Roode isn’t cleared to wrestle at the PPV.  They’re facing the British Invasion apparently.  Uh….why?  Roode says he’ll be at the PPV so here comes Alex Shelley.

Apparently Sabin as torn ligaments in his knee and won’t be back until 2012.  Shelley talks about the best of 5 series that the Guns had last year with Beer Money and how he wants to defend the titles in Roode’s place.  Bischoff says no way but Shelley has Network authority.  They team is now Gun Money apparently.  Shouldn’t it be Beer Guns or Motor Beer or something?

Matt Hardy vs. Crimson

Crimson is introduced as the undefeated Crimson.  It’s Crimson vs. Joe at the PPV apparently.  Matt gets taken down by a clothesline quickly and sent to the floor for a breather.  Very basic match so far as Crimson uses his power and Matt uses his basic offense.  A middle rope clothesline puts Crimson down and an elbow gets two.  Matt works on the neck which makes sense for a guy whose finisher is the Twist of Hate.  Crimson tries to go up but Matt knocks him off and hits a middle rope legdrop for two.

Crimson starts his comeback and hits a double arm DDT for two.  His offense is kind of limited for the most part and he doesn’t wrestle like the power guy you would think he is based on his looks.  Twist of Fate doesn’t hit but the Sky High (wasn’t that called Red Sky or something last week?) ends this out of nowhere at 6:05.

Rating: C. Pretty boring here as Crimson didn’t look so much like a monster here but rather someone that escaped with a victory.  That’s ok because Matt is probably the biggest one on one match he’s had off the top of my head other than Joe, but this wasn’t anything all that great.  Not bad either though.  Just kind of there if that makes sense.

Joe comes out post match and is speared out of the ring before he can even throw a punch.

Anderson comes up to Young in the back and wants to talk to him.  Young has both titles on him still.  Apparently the world is clamoring for Young to have seminars to show how to have matches like Young and Gunner had last week.  Anderson wants Young to pretend to be Great Muta tonight for the match.  This is about respect though, not disrespect, so Young agrees.

Winter tells Angelina that tonight the respect begins again with Tessmacher.  Angelina actually talks, saying she remembers a better time when they were loved and alone and they need to go back to that time, which starts tonight.  Winter seems thrilled.

Eric gives an emotional speech to Immortal (including the Jarretts for once), saying that he didn’t think it would end like this.  Hogan will be here later and will explain things.  Immortal wants to know what happens to them as Bischoff leaves.

Miss Tessmacher vs. Angelina Love

Love vs. James at the PPV.  Tessmacher gets a pair of rollups within the first ten seconds for two each.  Angelina starts no selling stuff and hammers away on Tessmacher.  Cross body gets two for Tessmacher but Love knocks her to the floor.  Side slam is kind of dropped and Angelina rams her into the corner a few times.  Tessmacher fires back but takes forever setting up a victory roll and gets countered.  A reverse DDT into a backbreaker ends this at 3:35.

Rating: D+. Tessmacher isn’t much in the ring but thankfully they’ve figured that out, letting her more or less being a stripper and only be out there for her looks.  Not the worst match ever but really just par for the course with a weak Knockout against a decent one.  At least Tessmacher looked hot.

Post match Angelina chokes Tessmacher until Winter pulls her off.

Mr. Anderson vs. Eric Young

This is billed as Sting vs. the Not-So-Great Muta.  This feud was what, 22 years ago?  I know TNA is supposed to be an alternative to the kids show, but anyone under about 25 isn’t going to remember the original feud.  And yet it’s somehow better than Disco Inferno last week.  Anderson does slow motion Stinger Splashes in the corner while Young stands around.  Young goes to leave but Anderson stops him and overacts on everything.  Young’s face paint looks like Darth Maul.  Splash misses in the corner and Young fights back with a forearm for two.

Belly to belly gets two as does a crucifix.  Anderson tries to fight back and hits a reverse neckbreaker for two.  Young actually hits the moonsault for two and here’s Gunner.  The referee makes the stop and it allows Young to spit green mist at Anderson and a small package gets the pin at 3:58.  That’s an upset I guess, but not as big a one as they’re making it out to be.  The winner is announced as the Not-So-Great Muta.

Rating: C. For a comedy match, this wasn’t all that bad.  Young’s impression was pretty much dead on Muta, but I don’t really get the point in having the midcard champion be an impersonator like this.  It was entertaining, but I’m also not sure what the point of this is from Anderson’s perspective.  Is this supposed to tick Sting off or be rude to him?  By saying you had some great feuds in the past?  I don’t really get how that’s insulting.

Gunner and Anderson beat down Young post match until Sting makes the save.

Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian

Winner gets Abyss for the X-Title at the PPV.  They shake hands pre-match to establish that they’re both good guys.  Very technical back and forth stuff to start us off here as neither guy can get an extended advantage.  Release gutwrench suplex puts Kendrick down and we head to the floor.  Brian misses a dive and Kaz takes over.  Back in the ring a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Kaz.

Kaz takes over completely, hitting a leg lariat for two.  Off to a cross arm pulling hold by Kazarian to give them a quick breather.  Kendrick gets a kick to the face to switch momentum and a missile dropkick gets two.  Moonsault misses for Kendrick but an enziguri puts Kaz down.  Sliced Bread #2 is countered into a neckbreaker for two for Kaz.  Good match so far.

Fade to Black doesn’t work so Kendrick kicks his head off with a superkick.  Frog splash gets knees though and a Shining Wizard puts Kendrick on the floor.  They trade two counts back in the ring as neither guy can take advantage again.  With a rollup the bell rings for a time limit draw at 7:57.  Dude, seriously?  You can’t give them an extra two minutes and three seconds for the sake of people who, I don’t know, might have looked at a clock before the match?

Thankfully they’re given five more minutes.  They both hit cross bodies at the same time and both guys are down.  And never mind as here comes Abyss to beat them both up for the DQ at a minute into the overtime so the total time is approximately 9:00.

Rating: B. Ok even though TNA can’t tell time apparently, this was one of the best TV matches I’ve seen in a long time.  This is what you can get with two young and talented guys that are out there working hard and giving you a good match.  I enjoyed this, even though the ending was rather stupid.  Very good match.

Here’s AJ to call out Ray.  He calls the Impact Zone his house so here’s Ray to rebut.  Ray says Daniels and AJ didn’t beat him last week.  They beat Dreamer, who was another weak partner apparently.  Ray says that AJ is everything he hates in a modern pro wrestler.  Instead of playing on a laptop, AJ needs to be in a strip club, getting a lap dance.

AJ says Ray is rather, ahem, small, which freaks Ray out.  Styles says that a bully is like a bully: you only have to pop it once to get rid of it.  A last man standing match is made for Slammiversary.  That could be good.  Ray asks if AJ knows what he’s getting himself into.  AJ asks if Ray knows what he’s getting into.  Not bad here.

Jeff Jarrett/Scott Steiner vs. Matt Morgan/Kurt Angle

They do the Karen in a chair thing to kill some time before the match starts.  Actually they completely throw her out.  Angle vs. Steiner start but Morgan and Jarrett are tagged in less than five seconds after the bell.  Jeff has black in his tights now.  Ok let’s tag it out again and have Steiner vs. Angle.  There’s a minute down in this match.  Angle gets a belly to belly and it’s off to Jarrett again rather quickly.

There’s the ankle lock but Jeff kicks off and Angle tags out also.  Headbutt takes Jarrett down and it’s off to Kurt again.  Oh never mind as we need to cut to the back to see Hogan being handed papers by Bischoff.  Back and Jeff hits an enziguri on Angle and brings in Steiner.  At this point, Impact officially has had more wrestling than NXT had this past week and it only took them an extra hour.

Steiner gets a belly to belly on Angle for two and it’s off to Jeff again.  Lots of tagging in this match.  It’s Sting/Young vs. Gunner/Anderson next week.  Stroke attempt is countered into an ankle lock but Jeff reverses again and both guys are down.  Off to Morgan and Steiner with Morgan claiming the advantage in the battle of alliteration.

Michinoku Driver gets two for Morgan as Jarrett saves.  Kurt and Jeff fight up the ramp and it’s an ankle lock on the stage, broken up by Karen.  We don’t bother watching the ring at this point but Jeff knocks Kurt into Karen and apparently she fell down a flight of stairs.  In the ring Steiner pins Morgan at 6:34 with a move we didn’t see at all.

Rating: C. Just a main event tag match here that was about a minute of nothing but tagging to start.  The ending…well….we have no idea what it was so it might have been good I guess.  Steiner hit Morgan low but there was a long delay between that and the pin so that probably wasn’t the pin.  Either way, just a main event tag here but nothing too bad.

Angle yells down at Jeff, saying it’s Jeff’s fault and we need paramedics.

Back and Karen is put in an ambulance as the announcers are all serious.

Here are Bischoff and Hogan.  Bischoff talks about Foley and how he’s known him for 19 years.  Foley could always talk but in the ring he couldn’t do much.  Foley is a puppet master because he’s made a career out of having a sock on his hand.  Hogan starts talking now, saying that Eric is his partner and that’s all that matters.  Hogan opens the paper which he looked at earlier, apparently reading it the first time.  He reads the legal issues out loud and Foley is fired apparently.  So Bischoff read those papers ALL FREAKING NIGHT and he never saw that part?  Hogan and Bischoff hug to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Well it wasn’t great, but this was miles ahead of what they had last week.  First and foremost the pacing was MUCH better.  There were no long breaks between matches and while there wasn’t much more wrestling, it was spaced out better which can make a huge difference.  Stuff was advanced this week and it was overall a much more entertaining show.  Better, but still not a great show or anything.

Results

Crimson b. Matt Hardy – Sky High

Angelina Love b. Miss Tessmacher – Reverse DDT into a backbreaker

Eric Young b. Mr. Anderson – Small Package

Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian went to a no contest when Abyss interfered

Scott Steiner/Jeff Jarrett b. Kurt Angle/Matt Morgan – Steiner pinned Morgan

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 26, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the second week of Impact Wrestling and hopefully tonight we’ll have a bit more actual wrestling rather than last week when there was as much on a regular episode of Impact.  Anyway we’re also going to have some more advance in the Sting vs. Anderson feud as last week Anderson laid the champion out.  Also if I remember right we’re going to get Hogan and Foley again tonight which is rather fun.  Anyway, let’s get to it.

An opening graphic says in memory of Randy Savage.  Classy.

Sting talks about being champion and we get a clip of Anderson jumping him last week as the old Sting.

We actually start with a match, called a tag team competition by Christy.

Tommy Dreamer/Bully Ray vs. Christopher Daniels/AJ Styles

This is a street fight.  Tonight there’s going to be something called the Scorpion Sitdown which is Sting’s interview segment.  AJ is still in a neckbrace so he can barely move here.  This is a smaller one though and looks like a big pad.  We start on the floor in a big brawl.  Ray vs. Daniels is going on at ringside while Dreamer and AJ head into the crowd.  AJ manages to throw Dreamer off a small balcony and dives on him to take out both guys.  Daniels busts out some weapons in the ring and beats Ray down with them.

BME eats a boot as at least AJ is back at ringside.  Rock Bottom gets two for Ray but he walks into a Pele.  Dreamer is back in the ring also.  The neck brace comes off as Immortal takes over.  Neckbreaker hits for Ray and Dreamer adds one of his own.  Daniels is still down so this is more or less open season on AJ.  Daniels goes down again as they keep showing replays.  Daniels gets back in time to break up a spike Piledriver and kills Ray with a kendo stick.  Spike Piledriver with Daniels doing the spiking ends Dreamer at 5:00.

Rating: C. Not bad for a brawl here but how weak does Immortal look when they can’t even beat a guy with a bad neck after working on his neck?  Anyway not bad but I kind of wonder what the point is in having AJ doing an injury angle when he can wrestle through it without any real issues.  Either way, nice to start off with a match.

Hogan is here.

Time for the Scorpion Sitdown and it’s Anderson as Sting.  Nothing like a talking segment on a WRESTLING show right?  Anderson says that it’s a sitdown because he’s too old to wrestle.  Remember that he’s talking as Sting.  His guest: Disco Inferno.  He’s a guy that was with Sting throughout WCW despite them never interacting that I remember.  Disco doesn’t get why he’s here but he’ll tell Anderson the truth about Sting.

Anderson randomly shouts during Disco’s talk and Disco gets ticked off at him.  Disco says that whether you liked Sting or not, he commanded respect.  Everyone grew up loving him and that’s all there is to it.  Anderson gets all annoyed and says that Disco is here to bury Sting and that’s the entire point.  Disco wants to know why Anderson is a jerk.  He even says it into the mic and gets up.  And there’s a Mic to the head and a Mic Check to Disco.  The real Sting comes off to run Anderson off.

Eric Young, still with the TV Title, goes into a bathroom and Gunner jumps him but Young has an idea.  Young will lay down tonight and Gunner will get the TV Title belt back while Young will get his old world title back.  Young leaves and Gunner calls him an idiot.

Velvet calls out ODB, saying she’s got a little explaining to do.  Well she looks better than Desi Arnaz.  ODB comes out and says Velvet got her fired last year.  Velvet says she’s worked her way here and ODB says she’s gotten here on her back.  Since Velvet hasn’t ever even been Knockouts Champion she must not be that good in the sack.  ODB drills her and the beating is on.  Velvet more or less runs and Velvet still doesn’t get what’s going on.

Video on RVD vs. Angle tonight which they’re trying to make seem like a huge level match.

Back from a break and we recap the ending to last week’s show with Roode having his arm destroyed by Immortal.

Beer Money is in Bischoff’s office and the doctor says Roode is kind of iffy about being able to wrestle.  They have a tag title match at Slammiversary and it’s 30 days for a defense so if the titles aren’t defended the belts will be stripped.  Storm says it’s a torn pectoral so he won’t be cleared in three weeks.  Bischoff has to know by the end of next week and says he might appoint a replacement.  Bischoff suggests that the Hillbilly Jesus (Storm) go get some manure and put it on Roode’s arm to heal it.  Storm threatens Bischoff and Bischoff says do it and you’ll never work again.  The champs leave and that’s that.

We actually get a clip from Xplosion where Pope hit on D-Von’s wife and D-Von wasn’t happy with it.  Pope says D-Von needs to chill.

Angle is with Morgan in the back as I guess wrestling matters so much they’re afraid to have any of it in case it gets wasted.  Angle says watch out for Karen.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Matt Morgan

I guess the competition thing is going to be a regular thing.  Supposed to sound real perhaps?  Karen is on crutches and looks very good in blue.  Before the match Jeff grabs a chair to give Karen something to sit in.  Earl doesn’t like it and throws Karen out.  Oh wait he’s allowing Karen to sit but she has to sit at the end of the ramp.  Jeff gets a thumb to the eye very early and hits a top rope cross body for two.

That goes nowhere and it’s time for the elbows in the corner to give Morgan control.  Side slam gets two.  Carbon Footprint misses in the corner and Jeff works on the leg.  Fallaway Slam gets two as another cross body doesn’t work.  Karen comes down to ringside as Morgan gets a Michinoku Driver of all things for two.

And never mind as Karen gives him the crutch and a shot with that sets up the Stroke for only two.  Thought that was the ending.  Jeff jumps into a chokeslam but Morgan instead shifts into an atomic drop.  Carbon Footprint hits but Karen hits Hebner in the knee with the crutch.  Scott Steiner comes in and hits a Downward Spiral to Morgan and that’s good for the pin at 3:06.  Dang it I have to rate it.

Rating: D+. More or less nothing here but the nice little swerve there was pretty good as I thought the Stroke would end it.  Steiner vs. Morgan is nothing I’m fired up about seeing as it seems like a step down for Morgan as he was talking about wanting the world title.  Either way though, not a terrible match but WAY too short with way too much going on in just three minutes.

We recap Foley being revealed as Network Executive and Bischoff going after the X-Division last week.

Bischoff is in the ring and is all smiley.  Apparently Hogan had a great week with the network last week in New York as Bischoff predicted.  Here’s Hogan who is the leader of Impact Wrestling apparently.  Hogan says that the Network has given him authority to run this show.  Oh joy.  He pitched a bunch of ideas to the executives so now they think he’s a genius.  Hogan wants to talk about Bischoff for a minute because he’s proud of what Bischoff did to the X-Division.

Here’s Foley who doesn’t need an invitation apparently because he’s a network executive.  All Hogan did was tick the Network off apparently because after Hogan left, Foley explained that the X Division put it on the map and we’re going to expand it.  He’s going to go around the world finding new X-Division talent for an Ultimate X match.  Oh and Foley has power regarding PPV because they promote the PPVs.  Wouldn’t that give them control over all of the companies that advertise on Spike TV?

Hogan says Foley should do something for the X-Division tonight, like challenge for the X-Division Title.  Bischoff gets WAY too excited about that but before Foley can answer here’s Brian Kendrick and his X buddies.  He talks in his poetic speak and more or less asks for Foley’s title shot tonight.  They’re here to get rid of the reptilians that have acquired power apparently.  This was very tedious to say the least.

Winter is rubbing Angelina’s back and says that everything is about to change and they’re going to fulfill the promise they made to each other in another lifetime.  I shutter to think where this is going to go.

Winter vs. Mickie James

Non-Title here.  Tenay acknowledges that the Winter/Angelina thing goes back centuries, which makes me think this is going to get very stupid very fast.  Northern Lights Suplex gets two for Winter as she takes over.  Scratch that as Mickie gets a snapmare and a seated dropkick to set up a rana out of the corner.  Flapjack sets up a nipup and after countering the spin out Rock Bottom Mickie hits the jumping DDT for the pin at 2:18.  No rating due to shortness but this was just a step ahead of a squash.

Angelina destroys Mickie post match due to Winter having some blood on her chin.

Abyss says he’s going to destroy Kendrick tonight.  He’s reading Art of War again and has Janice with him.  Someone with long hair that we can’t see jump him.  Oh it’s Kaz and he takes Janice with him.

X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Abyss

Abyss is all banged up due to the attack by Kaz.  Kendrick dives through the ropes with a kick that kind of hits to get us going.  Abyss charges into the steps and we go into the ring.  Amazingly enough they actually reference Abyss being a former world champion and say he’s the second Grand Slam winner.  I haven’t heard them reference that reign in years.

Abyss takes over and crushes Kendrick in the corner with an avalanche.  The beatdown commences but Kendrick counters a gorilla press slam and fires off some dropkicks.  Missile dropkick puts him down for two.  Brian goes up again but gets knocked off as Abyss hits the ropes.  Black Hole Slam and we’re done at 4:13.

Rating: D+. Not much here at all as Kendrick looks like a jobber all over again.  I guess we’re waiting on some savior of the X-Division to pop up, which might be AJ or Kaz.  Either way, something tells me Abyss is going to be champion and destroy random people for a few weeks to come.  Not horrible, but really nothing here at all.

Abyss rants about the Art of War some more.

Same RVD vs. Angle video from earlier.

Angle says the main event is a big match.

TV Title: Eric Young vs. Gunner

Young has the title itself because Gunner stole back the wrong belt last week.  I guess the whole “one is black and one is red” thing is too hard to keep track of.  They reenact the Fingerpoke of Doom but Young rolls him up for the pin and the title at 32 seconds.  Whatever man, whatever.

The Jarretts come out for the main event on commentary.

Rob Van Dam vs. Kurt Angle

We also get big match intros to kill even more time.  Jeff talks about how RVD is his handpicked opponent as RVD kicks Angle to the floor.  RVD hammers away but walks into a suplex.  A snap variety gets two for Kurt and we hit a reverse grip to waste some time.  They majority of this match is spent on a split screen so we can see the Jarretts talk while the wrestlers lay around.  RVD gets his top rope kick for two.  Angle gets a slam and both guys go down.

There’s been more laying around in this match than actual wrestling.  Ankle lock goes on and RVD is thinking about tapping.  He kicks out of it but the Five Star misses.  Angle Slam actually gets the fall on the first attempt at 7:36.  Yes, this epic five star first time ever main event didn’t even make it 8 minutes and is the longest match of the night so far.  Give me a break.

Rating: C-. This was built up as being an epic match and it was about 8 minutes of them laying around pretending that this was a huge match.  The camera was on the Jarretts about half the match which isn’t helping anyone at all.  Weak main event and the proper ending to one of the worst shows I can remember in a very long time.

Overall Rating: F+. I absolutely could not stand this show.  The wrestling was bad, nothing really was advanced, and the whole wrestling matters concept was more or less thrown out completely.  This was a terribly dull show as they had forty minutes between the first two matches and twenty between the second and third.  There’s no reason to have them just talk that entire time.  The main event was just ok after all that buildup and that doesn’t make up for two hours of nonsense before it.  Terrible show with more or less nothing happening at all.  The longest match was 7:36.  Let that sink in for a bit.

Results

Christopher Daniels/AJ Styles b. Bully Ray/Tommy Dreamer – Spike Piledriver to Dreamer

Jeff Jarrett b. Matt Morgan – Pin after a Downward Spiral from Scott Steiner

Mickie James b. Winter – Jumping DDT

Abyss b. Brian Kendrick – Black Hole Slam

Eric Young b. Gunner – Small Package

Kurt Angle b. Rob Van Dam – Angle Slam

Impact
Date:  May 12, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: The Network’s Revenge

Tonight is a big night for TNA as we find out the identities of both Kurt Angle’s mistress and the network executive.  It should be remembered that last week Sting said a network representative would be here and not necessarily the network representative, so there’s no guarantee this ends tonight.  Oh and Sacrifice is Sunday.  I’m sure we’ll fit that in somewhere if we have time.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a shot of Hogan with his pipe, waiting for the Network representative.  Bischoff comes up and says that he needs to think this through, not beat it out of them.  They should play the game but play to win.

We get a video on the Jarretts and Angle’s mistress.  That transitions into Hogan and Bischoff going through a few possible identities of the representative.

Here are the Jarretts to open the show.  They want a truce with Kurt and say that Karen could never hurt a fly.  It’s a crime to have anyone hurt Karen apparently.  Karen says she’s a good person and has been a good ex-wife.  Everything has been for Kurt, including the restraining order against him.

Here’s Kurt who says it’s done.  After ten years of marriage you would think she’d learn to not push him.  Karen is going to wind up taking Jeff for everything he’s worth before Jeff figures that out.  There’s going to be a mixed tag at Sacrifice between the Jarretts and Angle/the mistress.  Jeff knows who the chick is apparently, despite Angle saying two weeks ago that no one knew who she is.

Miss Tessmacher/Mickie James vs. Tara/Madison Rayne

All four girls looking especially hot tonight.  Tara and Mickie start us off with Tara acting respectful towards Mickie, namely due to the possibility of getting out of her contract with Madison.  Speaking of Madison she comes in being all evil to Mickie with a kick to the head.  Tessmacher comes in and quickly gets a victory roll to Madison for the clean pin at 2:11.  Can we just look at the girls for about two more hours?

Flair goes into Hogan’s office and Hogan rants at Flair, saying he’s the Network rep.  Flair says he was out with a shoulder injury and Hogan apologizes.

A black limo is here.

Tara wants to be free from Madison.  Madison comes up and hears the end of the rant and doesn’t like it.

Tommy Dreamer doesn’t want to talk but says it’s a personal thing.  The interviewer won’t shut up and AJ pops up, also demanding answers.  Tommy says AJ is too young to understand.  AJ says he’s a grown man with three kids and thinks it’s about EV 2.0.  Dreamer still won’t answer so AJ challenges him for Sacrifice.  Dreamer backs off and AJ calls him out on it.  Tommy says maybe no one ever knew him.  He asks what would Tommy Dreamer do, and Dreamer leaves.

Sting is doing a photo shoot with the title and says his hands are full with RVD.  The network person is here apparently.

Here’s Beer Money to find out who Matt’s mystery partner is, implying that it’s Jeff Hardy.  Matt comes out quickly and talks to Roode about calling out Hogan last week.  He gets on Roode for being a worthless drunk as I begin to chuckle.  Matt runs down Canadians like Roode and says he and his partner will win at Sacrifice.

Beer Money comes out to face Matt and James takes a long drink.  He says he’s the man that would walk into a bar, punch you in the face and leave with his girl.  The partner isn’t Jeff, but rather Storm’s old partner: Chris Harris.  WWE fans might remember him as Braden Walker, the guy that was on WWECW for about three weeks.  Harris stares Beer Money down as we go to a break.

Sangriento vs. Suicide

Rematch from last week.  Suicide jumps him to start but gets taken down with relative ease.  Corkscrew plancha to the floor by Sangriento and a dropkick back in the ring take Suicide down.  Suicide fights back as the announcers talk about the identity of the mistress.  Sangriento gets the same double spin kick that Amazing Red uses in the clip from the New York house show to Jay Lethal.

I guess he’s been watching his film (and yes I know who Sangriento is for those that don’t get tongue in cheek humor).  Tornado DDT by Sangriento gets two.  Suicide takes over again for a bit but the springboard cutter from last week returns, giving Sangriento the pin at 3:50.

Rating: C. Not bad here but too short to really get going.  Not sure what the point is to having more or less the exact same match from last week but it certainly wasn’t that bad.  It’s good to see Red getting something to do at least and a quick match like this helps fill in some time so no real complaints here.

Immortal’s leaders in the form of Hogan, Bischoff and Flair come out just after the match ends.  Flair kicks Suicide in the balls and sends him to the floor.  Hogan rants about the Network representative, saying he or she needs to get out here.  The reveal is after the break.

Back and the Jarretts are in the ring also with Jeff in wrestling gear.  And the representative is Mick Foley.  He talks very quickly, saying that Hogan’s plans started to unravel March 3^rd.  Foley piefaces Bischoff and says to Hogan to go ahead and drill him if you want to.  This show is no longer about Hogan but about wrestling.  This is no longer TNA Wrestling, but is rather Impact Wrestling.  The main event is now a 25 man battle royal for the #1 contender spot.

Foley is talking faster than I’ve ever heard him talk here.  Foley brings out Angle’s mistress/partner and it’s Chyna.  Yes, that Chyna.

We recap the segment we just saw and apparently the show is now called Impact Wrestling.  Not sure if the whole name for the company is changing or not.

Foley says wrestling matters here and is very energetic.  Chyna is next to him and he tells her about the main event and wants Chyna to be where Karen is.  Not a word from her yet.  Foley mentions the vague sexual tension between them for a nice throwback line.

Anderson is ticked off about Foley denying him his title shot but he’ll get it tonight.  I assume the winner gets the shot at the PPV after Sacrifice.

Crimson vs. Abyss vs. Samoa Joe

Crimson and Abyss hammer on each other as Joe chills for a bit.  And never mind as Joe hammers on both of them to take over.  Big boot and backsplash to Abyss but Crimson takes Joe down and gets a neckbreaker to Abyss.  Crimson and Joe hammer away on each other and Crimson grabs a cravate and fires in some knees.  Joe gets a powerslam but walks into the Black Hole Slam.  Crimson spears Abyss and steals the pin on Joe at 2:34.  No rating due to the length but this was fine.

Joe gets ready to jump Crimson but Abyss jumps Crimson before Joe does anything.  Joe says cool and leaves Abyss to beat on Crimson.  As Joe leaves he says you live by the sword and die by the sword.  Black Hole Slam to Crimson and Abyss’ bottom teeth are still missing from the kick by RVD.

RVD says he’ll be watching the battle royal for future information.

Battle Royal

25 people in this and more or less everyone you can think of of note in TNA is here.  Most of them are in the ring already so I’ll try to list them.  Everyone in Fourtune, Matt Hardy, Gunner, Jeff Jarrett, Bully Ray, Matt Morgan, British Invasion, Ink Inc, D-Von, Dreamer, Mexican America, Orlando Jordan, Anderson, Steiner, Angle, Eric Young, Robbie E, and I can’t figure out the 25^th.

Both British guys (Williams and Magnus) are out almost immediately due to Morgan.  Add Jordan to that list as well as Anarquia.  All four by Morgan’s hands.  Tenay says the show is now Impact Wrestling on Spike TV.  No word on if the company is still called TNA or not but I’d assume it is.  Young is on the floor but I don’t think he’s been eliminated.  Ah the 25^th is Pope.  That makes me feel better.

No eliminates for awhile now but a lot of the bigger names have come close.  Kaz slides back in as Morgan chokes on Shannon Moore.  There isn’t a ton to say in matches like these in the early going as it’s really just a lot of standing around.  There goes Neal and Shannon back to back thanks to Hernandez.  Morgan throws out his fifth guy in the form of Robbie E.

Eric keeps throwing him self over the top and bringing himself back in.  Then he throws out the TV Champion and eliminates himself.  Eric steals the TV Title and Gunner chases him out so I guess that’s Gunner’s first feud.  We take a break with that.  Back and no one seems to be gone that I can tell.  There appears to be about 15-17 people left.  Storm and Angle both save themselves.

Jarrett eliminates Kaz who might have hurt his knee.  Storm and Matt put each other out so Storm hammers on Matt a bit.  When the referees try to break the argument up Matt pulls Roode out.  Foley jumps in on commentary.  There goes Daniels and Pope is on the floor but not out, as is D-Von.  Morgan sends Hernandez out but Steiner puts out Morgan.  Ray surprises Steiner and we’re down to 8 it appears.

The final 8 are Ray, Anderson, Dreamer, Styles, Jarrett, Angle, D-Von and Pope.  Morgan and Steiner fight up the ramp while Ray pounds on Kurt’s knee.  Ray kicks D-Von in the head for old time’s sake and appears to dance a bit before kicking AJ in the head.  Dreamer is told by Ray to put AJ out.  Ray throw Angle but Kurt hangs on.  Pope fires elbows to D-Von’s head as apparently AJ vs. Dreamer is on for Sunday.

Pope goes to the apron and D-Von charges him, naturally getting caught and eliminated.  Kurt takes Pope out with a clothesline and we’re down to six as we take a break.  Back and only Ray is standing, just as everything was before the break.  Literally everyone is in the same place.  The final six are Jarrett, AJ, Ray, Angle, Anderson and Dreamer.  AJ goes off on Jarrett and Ray but Dreamer takes him down.  Ankle lock to Angle and Dreamer breaks that up also.  Dreamer manages to put AJ out of all things.  Ray puts Dreamer out for his troubles.  AJ drills Dreamer on the floor.

Anderson gets Ray to the apron but can’t get rid of him.  Angle can’t get Jarrett out and Ray makes the save.  Neckbreaker by Anderson takes Ray down and the two of them go to the floor through the ropes.  Angle vs. Jarrett alone with Angle taking over.  Karen saves Jeff from elimination but Kurt takes his head off with a clothesline.  Kurt goes after her and Jeff tosses him.

She gets in the ring as Jeff thinks he’s won but Anderson and Ray are still in it due to going through the ropes.  Chyna comes in and tosses Jeff.  Ray and Anderson both come back in and slug it out with Ray winning said battle.  Big clothesline takes Anderson down but Anderson fights back.  He can’t hit a Swanton as it eats knees.  They go to the apron but Anderson hangs on.  Ray goes for him, only to get slowly pulled out for the Anderson win at 28:10 total.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but battle royals are rather hard to grade.  Anderson winning was pretty obvious given the overcoming the odds deal but that’s fine.  This wasn’t too bad with a long build but the last six guys being in there were a big weak, especially guys like Dreamer and D-Von.  At least we have the next PPV main event set though.

Anderson talks post match, comparing himself to the Navy SEALS that took out bin Laden.  Bit of a stretch there but ok.

Sting says bring on Anderson.  RVD pops up and says not so fast as he’ll be facing Anderson.  Anderson pops up and says it can be either of them at Slammiversary.

Overall Rating: C+. This show was heavy on storyline tonight which is ok, especially when this was the culmination of some big stories.  Sacrifice actually feels like the end of a lot of things rather than just another stop, which is what TNA has been lacking lately.  Not a great show but pretty high on excitement.  The problem is that with so much time going to the main event we didn’t get to a lot of midcard stuff, but I guess that’s ok.  Pretty fun show overall and Sunday is looking good, which is a good sign.

Results

Mickie James/Miss Tessmacher b. Tara/Madison Rayne – Tessmacher pinned Rayne with a victory roll

Sangriento b. Suicide – Jumping Reverse Cutter

Crimson b. Samoa Joe and Abyss – Crimson pinned Joe after a Black Hole Slam

Mr. Anderson won a battle royal, last eliminating Bully Ray

Impact
Date: April 21, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: Two Horses for Sister Karen

We’re past Lockdown now which means we can move on from some of the stuff we had been building to.  Sting is still world champion and AJ is back.  Not a lot really changed at the PPV which is kind of odd but it is what it is.  Anyway, tonight we begin the road to Sacrifice which doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as Road to Lockdown.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Lockdown including all three major matches.  Jarrett vs. Angle resulted in multiple injuries.  Why do I have a feeling this feud is going to continue?  Karen says it’s over.  We also recap Lethal Lockdown with AJ’s return after…..17 days of being gone.  Also Sting wants to fight Hogan.

Cue AJ to open the show, repelling down from the ceiling into a cage full of weapons.  He talks about Bully Ray and his big return at Lockdown.  The only reason AJ was there was to get his revenge but he’s not done.  He wants Ray in the cage tonight.  AJ rips off his shirt and is ready to fight.  Here’s Ray for his reply.

Ray talks about putting AJ in a hospital for a month.  Uh….not quite.  Ray says that he’ll do it again and do it even worse this time.  Then he’ll go AJ’s house and take care of his wife and kids.  The wife part doesn’t sound that bad apparently.  AJ is waiting in the ring instead of going after Ray for some reason, perhaps due to not wanting to be jumped by Immortal.  Rey comes to the cage but stops early.  Ray has nothing left to prove since he’s already taken AJ out once.

He turns to leave but Daniels jumps the Bully in the aisle.  Daniels throws Ray into the cage and the beatdown is on.  Ray is sent into the cage a few times and takes a Pele to put him down.  Big trashcan shot to the head and Ray is down.  Gunner comes out to try to make the save but is picked off by Daniels.  They fight up the ramp and AJ puts Ray on the table.  Is the rest of Immortal just busy or something?  Ray has a BIG knot on his forehead.  With Ray on the table, AJ goes to the top of the cage, only for Ray to get off the table and head out the door.

We recap Lethal Lockdown and are told that Flair had a torn rotator cuff due to the armbar by Roode.  He’s been hurt for awhile so that’s the angle to get him off TV.  That’s probably the best thing for him really.

Rob Terry and Murphy come out to the cage and run off the guys clearing out the weapons.  They’re here to get payback on Beer Money for hurting Flair so they’re going to take the tag titles right now.  Beer Money comes out and says cool.  The match starts after the break.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Murphy/Rob Terry

The match has started during the break apparently as Roode is in trouble when we come back.  Terry gets a World’s Strongest Slam for two.  There are weapons hanging around the ring as well.  Off to Murphy who works on the back a bit more.  Terry sends him into the cage and a clothesline gets two.  Roode finally gets in a shot and both guys are down.

Hot tag to Storm who hammers away on both guys.  Codebreaker takes Murphy down as does a DDT and superkick to Terry.  Everything breaks down and the AA Spinebuster to Terry puts him down.  Double suplex to Murphy and it’s time for a double taunt.  DWI ends Terry at 4:03 shown.

Rating: C-. Run of the mill throwaway tag match here but Beer Money looked good.  It also advances Immortal vs. Fourtune which helps a bit.  Beer Money is in desperate need of challengers at this point and with various teams being dismantled they need to find some new ones very quickly.

The Jarretts take a carriage ride and Jeff praises Karen a lot.  It’s her night apparently.  Since Jeff is King of the Mountain, she gets crowned Queen of the Mountain tonight.  This is going to trump the royal wedding apparently.  We look at the horses which I guess is what the episode title is referencing.

Hogan is on his way to the ring, pipe in hand.

Here’s Hogan after a break.  He says he’s awesome and wants RVD here now.  Hogan says everyone knows RVD is a few fries short of a Happy Meal.  Not quite as 90s as bad mamma jamma but close.  RVD asks if Hogan remembers the time before he was a heel.  He turned his back on everyone for ratings though.  Hogan says nothing has changed and RVD says now everyone wishes Hogan would just go away.

RVD says he accomplished everything he’s accomplished with respect.  I’m not touching that one.  A leg drop isn’t enough anymore because things have changed, but RVD won’t.  Hogan says RVD has always been a big fish in a small pond.  Uh….what?  As long as Hogan is around, RVD will only be in the midcard apparently.

Cue Sting who says he invited himself.  RVD is a main eventer apparently because he’ll be in the main event at Sacrifice thanks to the Network.  Hogan: “Are you high too Stinger?  Because if you are give me some!”  Apparently the Network says that Sting gets to pick his opponents now.  Hogan says he runs the show but Sting says the executives are coming soon.  Hogan says RVD has a problem tonight against Abyss with Hogan in Abyss’ corner.  Also Sting vs. Matt Hardy as a chance for revenge for Matt’s brother.  No word on if the main event is a title match.

Kurt is looking for the Jarretts and someone saw them in the parking lot.

Madison and Tara argue in the back because it’s apparently Tara’s fault Madison lost the title.  There’s a Knockouts Tag Title match tonight also.

Eric is feeding the horses which he names Mongo and Sid, apparently the best Horsemen of all time.  I give up.  Young is feeding them beans.  Angle says go get some buckets.  Kurt has evil ideas about buckets apparently.

Knockouts Tag Titles: Sarita/Rosita vs. Madison Rayne/Tara

Matt vs. Sting is for the title apparently.  Mexican America looks like they want to let the flag come down but it doesn’t show up.  Anarquia runs down America a bit.  Ah there’s the flag.  The match starts after the break.  Just like earlier we come back with the match in progress.  Tara slaps Madison on the arm to tag her and they almost come to blows.  Sarita dances and hits a dropkick.

Madison slams her into the mat and adds a big boot so she can yell at both chicks again.  Now she yells at Tara.  Some of you might be noticing a pattern here.  The guys distract the referee so Rosita can throw Madison into a clothesline to end this at 1:54 shown.  Yes, Madison kept the Knockout Title for 6 months and here she loses to a clothesline.  Too short to grade.

Time for Karen to be crowned.  Jeff talks about how awesome Karen is for awhile.  They’re both in pure white too.  She’s officially the Queen of the Mountain.  And of course there’s manure in the crown.  Kurt comes out and hits an Angle Slam on Jarrett to a chair.  Angle says he has a mistress that will hurt Karen for him and she’ll be here soon.

Hogan gives Abyss a pep talk in the back.  Hogan goes over to Anderson and asks if Anderson knows who the Network person is.  Anderson makes fun of Hogan, saying that this has to be a rib.  Hogan says Anderson is the only person that he hates in wrestling and he hates being in the same room with him.  Then why does Hogan keep going to talk to him?  Hogan says if this was about 10 years ago this would end differently for Anderson.  Anderson says he’s bored so he has to go annoy someone else.

Back and we recap what we just saw.  The manure came from the ceiling, not out of the crown.  I thought there was a lot of it to fit in the crown.

Abyss vs. Rob Van Dam

They start the brawl almost immediately and Abyss goes down.  Big boot puts RVD down and we hit the neck crank almost immediately.  This is far more of a brawl than a match which is what it should be.  RVD lands a kick which apparently knocked out two of Abyss’ teeth.  RVD makes his comeback and Hogan distracts the referee.  It’s a ruse though for him to slide the pipe in to Abyss who pops Van Dam in the ribs with it.  Black Hole Slam ends this at 3:51.

Rating: C. Just a quick match here to set up the post match stuff.  I believe this is the first time since the attack with Janice in the fall/summer of last year but I’m not sure.  Either way, nothing too bad here but it was way too short to be great.  Granted if it hadn’t been we couldn’t have shown Karen having horse manure dropped on her head again so they clearly made the right choice.

Hogan and Abyss set to attack RVD but Crimson makes the save.

Sting says he can’t wait to wrestle because that’s what he does.

Matt has Jeff’s title belt and we reference him a bit.  Matt is COLD BLOODED!

Here’s Matt Morgan to talk about wanting the world title.  He’s tired of waiting and wants the title right now.  Cue Scott Steiner of all people.  He talks about Morgan being the DNA of TNA.  If Steiner had Morgan’s DNA he’d kill himself then hang himself.  The line for world title shots starts behind Steiner apparently.  Steiner says Morgan is beneath him, just like Morgan’s girlfriend was last night.

Morgan says Steiner was an inspiration to him and talks about Steiner bringing athleticism back to this art form.  Don’t misinterpret the respect for weakness though because there’s nothing weak on him.  They make the obvious match.  They shake hands and Steiner kicks him low.  Steiner Recliner goes on and Morgan is left laying.

Tessmacher is back.  Ok then.

Velvet and Winter have their usual moment of the week.  Velvet is going to go to the authorities with this.  Angelina destroys her.

TNA World Title: Matt Hardy vs. Sting

Matt has Jeff’s world title, making it the third world title belt currently being worn by someone in TNA.  Immortal is waiting on Sting in the aisle but Fourtune runs out for the save.  Sting never got touched if that’s not clear.  As Sting gets in the ring, Gunner gets a shot to the knee with a pipe.  Matt takes over on a one legged Sting and a second rope leg drop gets two.

Moonsault misses though as Sting manages to roll out of the way.  Scorpion is attempted but Matt kicks him off at the last second so he can go after the knee again.  Chop block gets two.  We take a break with Sting avoiding an elbow drop.  Back with Matt working over Sting who is in the t-shirt again this week.  The injured leg has changed to the right one now but I guess left and right is hard to keep track of.  Back to the left one now.  Sting makes a comeback but misses the Splash.  Hot shot into snake eyes sets up the Scorpion Death Drop to keep Sting’s title at 9:30 total.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match here for the most part as Matt was just a midcard guy getting a title shot.  I like that actually as it allows you to have both guys lose nothing.  Sting beats a guy he’s supposed to beat and Matt loses nothing because he shouldn’t beat Sting.  The leg work stuff was fine too as it added a little story to the match.  Not bad at all here which was a nice surprise.

Anderson comes out and hits Mic Checks on both guys, saying to Sting that he’s not going away yet.

Karen FREAKS over the Angle thing and yells at Jeff even though he can barely move.  Jeff wants to know how many times he has to beat Angle.  Karen is REALLY annoying here, which she’s supposed to be.

Hogan says Anderson is done.  He says the Network is coming at him like a double fisted kangaroo.  Has he been chilling with JR or something?

Anderson says they had that coming to them.

Sting says who cares about whatever happens as all that matters is what Anderson did.  He wants revenge.

Overall Rating: C. I liked this again for the most part.  They were kind of in a holding pattern here which is perfectly fine.  Something that you notice about TNA is that there are a lot of people that miss the show some weeks because of a lack of time to fit everyone in, such as Mickie, Pope and Joe.  That’s not a bad thing as they do what they have to do with just two hours a week but it’s something that becomes a bit of an issue as it can get hard to keep up with stories.

No Bischoff this week which helped a lot.  Too many authority figures hurts things a lot and that’s a problem TNA needs to address.  You have Hogan, Bischoff and the Network plus various people making matches at a whim it seems.  Sting vs. Van Dam is fine for a PPV main event and it helps a lot here to see a random world title match that made a bit of sense.  More wrestling please though.

Results

Beer Money b. Rob Terry/Murphy – DWI to Terry

Rosita/Sarita b. Madison Rayne/Tara – Clothesline to Rayne

Abyss b. Rob Van Dam – Black Hole Slam

Sting b. Matt Hardy – Scorpion Death Drop

Lockdown 2008
Date: April 13, 2008
Location: Tsongas Arena, Lowell, Massachusetts
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Don West, Mike Tenay

Lockdown very well may be the dumbest idea for a PPV that I’ve ever heard of in my life. Let’s think about this for a minute. For one thing, they’re actually putting matches like Gail Kim and ODB vs. Kong and Saed in there. That’s the biggest problem: so many of these matches flat out do not need to be inside a cage, which ties into the second problem: the matches that actually belong in the cage like Lethal Lockdown and Joe vs. Angle 19 or whatever it was are cheapened because weaker matches are in the cage as well.

As for matches tonight, TNA FINALLY is pulling the trigger on Joe, two years after they should have which means everything is all well and good. Other than that it’s of course Team Christian vs. Team Top Heel of the Month in Lethal Lockdown, their version of War Games. Let’s get to it.

Tenay says that tonight Joe’s life is on the line and that apparently all he knows is wrestling. Yeah TNA doesn’t get overdramatic at all. The video is about how EVIL, yes EVIL I say that steel is. They have a Latin prayer or something. TNA always went WAY too far with these things.

The fans are energetic if nothing else. JB and West are in the stands which is a cool idea I guess. It’s been done a million times but not in awhile.

X-Division Title: Jay Lethal vs. Johnny Devine vs. Shark Boy vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Consequences Creed vs. Curry Man

So the idea here is elimination but once you get down to two you have to get out of the cage. I always liked Curry Man. He was based off of a commercial that Daniels saw in India I believe. If nothing else you certainly remember him don’t you. Good night Devine is bland. He’s the X-Division traitor at the moment and hanging out with Team 3D. It went nowhere.

Creed is a guy that had his character completely changed as he started out like R-Truth was supposed to be and is now a total comedy character. Sonjay is Lethal and Socal Val’s best friend, so of course he would turn on them in like a month to take the title and Val. And this is the era of Stone Cold Shark Boy. This was so stupid I actually got headaches from it. Oh and Lethal is still Macho Man.

So we have a guy that would become Apollo Creed, a guy impersonating Steve Austin, a guy impersonating Macho Man, a guy as an Indian guru, a guy imitating an Indian curry commercial, and a guy named Johnny Devine that is bland . Does anyone else thing that this sounds like a bad parody instead of a match? Also note that it’s taken 11 minutes and 49 seconds for the first bell to ring.

Wait, they have to TAG? Dutt and Devine start as my head is hurting more and more here every second. One thing that TNA got very right with the cage matches: putting a hole in the cage to get camera shots with nothing barring the shot. Now we just get completely ridiculous with the spots. I mean they just don’t even try to make it seem like they aren’t totally planned out.

After Dutt saves Lethal he gets rolled up by Devine for the pin to begin the wedge between the two of them. Creed hits a bad DDT on Shark Boy after Curry Man messes up and he’s out. Something tells me this is supposed to be epic and it’s just failing completely. We go back to nothing but big spots that are completely insane but make for good TV when you don’t think too hard about them.

After a dive off the top of the very tall cage that should have killed him, Curry Man hits a Burning Hammer which is called the Spice Rack to put Creed out. Devine, the idiot that he is, breaks up the pin on Lethal to hit the Devine Intervention, a double underhook piledriver, on Curry Man to get us down to one on one under elimination rules. Devine puts him down but Dutt won’t let him go through the door. What a great face move to do there. And Lethal dives out the door to win. That was just stupid for an ending.

Rating: C-. Well, considering what they were going for with the opener here, this was ok. The spots were RIDICULOUS looking though and I hated the ending. You could see Dutt getting ticked off slowly but surely and the feud was coming soon. It sucked too.

Frank Trigg is in the back and says that both guys are getting ready. Good to know. The problem here is that Trigg might as well be Angle’s twin. He had an ok TV presence but they went a bit stupid here by trying to make this an MMA fight when it was a wrestling match. To be fair though, this was a good idea to have a legit MMA guy come in and give an analysis here.

Roxxi vs. Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky vs. Salinas vs. Rhaka Khan vs. Traci vs. Christy vs. Jacqueline

Yep 8 knockouts in a single cage is JUST fine. I still think Christy Hemme is a robot. No human can look that good. Has ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE, ever cared about Jackie? EVER? Traci Brooks comes out to Aerosmith’s Rag Doll. I hardly ever notice those things. Somehow the rules are as follows: you fight on the floor and the first two INSIDE the cage have a one on one match. Could this be any stupider?

So wait, the idea of this show is that every match is INSIDE the cage right? I’m not confused on that am I? And after about 2 minutes Love and Roxxi get in with ease. The match is about three minutes long and while it’s ok, that’s just it: it’s ok. It’s not particularly good or bad. It’s just ok. I think this one gets the it’s just there rating, as there’s nothing to talk about here and it’s hardly bad either. Roxxi gets a shot at Kong for this which she wouldn’t win.

Rating: F. It’s failing for just being stupid. At a show about cages, there was a match outside a cage where the point was to get into the cage. In what wrestling universe does that even begin to make sense in?

Lauren makes her TNA debut here and GOOD FREAKING NIGHT she looks amazing. She looks like Jenny McCarthy back when McCarthy looked hot. Joe says he’s not retiring. No really? Apparently Joe will sacrifice his life to be champion. Again, TONE IT DOWN.

Kip James (Billy Gunn) cuts the most cue card based promo that I’ve ever heard about being an animal in a cage.

BG James (Road Dogg) says he’s coming for James.

BG James vs. Kip James

Seriously, how has this match not happened before? This started as Roadie won a tag title shot in Feast or Fired and had his 60+ year old father be his partner of all things. No one bought it and this is what it was setting up. This should have been the finals of the 99 KOTR but that would have made sense so there we go. Billy breaks out a Diamond Cutter of all things to counter the punches of Roadie. Sorry, I refuse to call him Kip James.

Roadie is easier to type than BG James also, even though that really is closer than Jesse James. The problem with this whole PPV shows up again: while this could actually be a decent feud/match, the first match of it simply doesn’t belong in a cage as it’s just a regular match but in a cage. A Fameasser gets two and then a low blow has both guys down.

Naturally the finish sucks: Billy stomps his foot three times before going for a splash which misses and Roadie rolls him up for the pin. They do the reunion for about two seconds and Kip does the heel turn which no one cares about but of course it’s evil and no one saw it coming. After a bad and short feud with Matt Morgan, Billy would be Cute Kip to just end any shred of credibility he had.

Rating: D-. What was the point of this again? Actually that’s not a fair question. This match actually had a point. However, giving them seven minutes in a pointless cage match is just freaking stupid by TNA as they throw away a potentially kind of big match with no time and a terrible finish. Makes sense at least.

Angle says he wanted to come to TNA to fight Joe. And he did: this is match number 5. Angle looks like he’s under 200lbs here. Oh and it’s personal here.

Rock N Rave Infection vs. MCMG vs. Eric Young/Kaz vs. LAX vs. Scott Steiner/Petey Williams vs. Black Reign/Rellik

This is Cuffed in the Cage: all 12 in the match at once and it’s elimination by being cuffed to a rope, last man standing gets his team a shot at the tag titles at a future date. Reign and Rellik (Killer backwards. Clever huh?) beat up Eric backstage before they can come out. The entrances take a few hours or so. Oh and Black Reign (Goldust but a cheap knockoff that no one bought) and Killer are supposed to be monsters. This is idiotic.

How in the WORLD have the Guns not been tag champions yet? There are two sets of tag titles in TNA (don’t even get me started on how freaking stupid that is) and they can’t get one of them. That’s just stupid. Oh LAX already have a title shot, so they’re getting a chance to get a second one here, because it would make NO SENSE to take two people out of here to, oh I don’t know, unclutter the stupid thing a tiny bit???

This was back when Petey was Maple Leaf Muscle, as in a tiny version of Steiner. Is this supposed to be Mexico or something? Steiner just beats the heck out of everyone until LAX takes him down. About four people get him cuffed to eliminate him. What would be smart here? Perhaps having him leave? Nope, that would make too much sense, so he just stays in the cage cuffed to the cage. Someone was actually paid to think of this. That’s just sad.

Young comes down and gets scared by the monsters. You can’t tell a thing that’s going on because THERE ARE ELEVEN PEOPLE IN THERE AT ONCE. Sabin and Shelley get cuffed at the same time. Petey is put out and I just couldn’t care less. The problem here is that you get some decent stuff and spots but there are just so many people in there and the camera jumps around so much that you can’t tell a stupid thing at all. LAX are both out.

Kaz is out as we have Killer and Rock N Rave and Black Reign left. The fans already get the idea as they chant Super Eric. The idea is this: Eric Young puts on a shirt, a mask and a cape and all of a sudden he’s not scared anymore and is a tough fighter. This is making me lose intelligence very rapidly. He does a HUGE dive off the top of the cage to put four guys down. Ok that was pretty cool looking. Hoyt (Vance Archer) is put out.

The other problem becomes that no one can move anywhere as there are people on so many parts of the cage. Oh Jimmy Rave is out too. Young gets the two monsters to win the thing. To further drain my intelligence, here’s how this played out. Eric and Kaz won the tag titles (why they’re not being defended here and why the X Title isn’t being defended here is beyond me.

Tomko and AJ FREAKING STYLES were the tag champions, yet they’re not on the PPV. Upon further review they’re in the Lethal Lockdown match so that makes it a bit better) at the next Impact but because Super Eric wasn’t the guy Kaz entered the match with they didn’t get the titles.

Instead they were held up and a whole PPV, Sacrifice, was dedicated to getting new champions with LAX and 3D fighting in the finals of the Deuces Wild tag tournament where you had random partners fighting established teams but the random partners WON NO MATCHES. THIS WAS PRAISED by TNA fans. They thought this was a good idea.

Rating: F-. This was just so freaking stupid that I can’t believe it exists. Seriously, TWELVE PEOPLE in the cage at once and you handcuff them to eliminate them. I wanted wrestling, not some screwed up sex fantasy that even Vince McMahon would say slow down when offered. Seriously, screw Dave Meltzer. He said that Edge vs. HHH vs. Kozlov was worse than this? Dave is a brilliant guy, but his anti-WWE bias gets out of hands at times.

And we go to Samoa Joe’s family who are dressed in “traditional” clothing. This makes my head hurt. Yes because Samoans apparently have no idea of what the modern world is like and they all wear grass for clothing. If nothing else though, Lauren is entering Hemme territory in hotness.

We recap the Knockouts tag match which again doesn’t belong in a cage match.

Gail Kim/ODB vs. Awesome Kong/Raisha Saeed

Please…make it quick. Don’t get me wrong, three of the four here are very talented, but WHY IS THIS IN A CAGE? You can’t just call it a grudge match and make it interesting. I get the feud here, and it should be a decent match, but the cage is just freaking pointless here. Kong and ODB start us off. Both of the faces want Saeed for some reason that isn’t covered at all because that would be too helpful.

Oh apparently she’s cost both faces the title which Kong holds. I found that online, not from here of course. She’s more commonly known as Cheerleader Melissa, who is amazingly talented and very good looking as well. Kong rams Kim’s head into the cage to turn the tide. Kong hasn’t actually been in the match yet by the way. Dang it how do I time these things so well?

She beats the living tar out of Kim who is half dead already. And Kong is already out again. ODB comes in to clean house as she was being pushed very hard around this time. Naturally nothing ever came of it as they had Kong beat her anyway. Everyone is in now and the referee says nothing, meaning they never needed to tag at all. Gail gets a SWEET hurricanrana from the top of the cage. Kong accidentally knocks the heck out of Saeed and a splash from ODB ends it.

Rating: D+. The match was indeed fine, but there was no point to having this on PPV. It’s ok, but it’s just ok, and that’s the problem here. Why should I pay money to see this? Nothing was accomplished as Roxxi had the title shot next and Kong wasn’t even involved in the pin. The wrestling is fine and even good at times, but why is this on PPV is what I want to know.

Karen Angle is here and it’s no shock now that Jarrett slept with her. She supports Kurt.

We take a SPECIAL look at Booker vs. Robert Roode. Why is it special? We’re never told but we know it’s SPECIAL. Roode makes a great point: he keeps moving up the charts and someone from WWE kept showing up and instantly being handed a push. He’s absolutely right. The feud is over Roode accidentally hitting Sharmell, and no one would want that of course.

The announce guy calls this a towering inferno of rage. Do I even need to make fun of this? Naturally it’s a mixed tag instead of one on one, because Booker was so nervous about his wife being hurt that he has her in a match here. Oh and it was a punch heard around the world. It wasn’t even heard around Wrestlezone.

Peyton Banks/Robert Roode vs. Booker T/Sharmell

They don’t even try to hide the theme music being a rip off here. Ok so the match is now over and I have the same complaints I had for the previous match: why is this in a cage and why is this on PPV? Literally, the girls are in there for 30 seconds total as it’s all Booker vs. Roode and then Sharmell is tagged in and rolls up Banks for the pin.

It’s just Booker vs. Roode again in a feud that went on for like 6 months and no one really cared about it. I mean the match is ok, but again that’s just it: it’s just ok. Why should I want to pay my money to watch this show? I can’t think of a reason to do so. Roode leaves Banks in the ring and goes back on his own.

Rating: D. This was the same thing as the previous match but the previous one had better wrestling in it. This is the big problem that the company has with this show and I’ve said it a dozen times now I think: not every match needs to be in a cage. It’s complete overkill and makes no sense at all, and that’s what’s going on here. If this was a regular match, it’s probably a C or so.

We go to the gorgeous Lauren who is with Marcus Davis who trained Joe for the fight. Again, I get the idea, but this is wrestling, not MMA.

We look at Lethal Lockdown. The rules are just like WarGames but with one ring and after the last person comes in the roof comes down and there are weapons attached, and only then can you win the match. It’s kind of a nice twist but this needs to be 3 on 3 and not 5 on 5 as one ring is just too much. Oh and you can win by pin. That’s fine.

Team Cage vs. Team Tomko

Christian, Nash, Sting, Rhino, Matt Morgan
Tomko, Bubba, D-Von, AJ Styles, James Storm

Remember that AJ is a comedy heel here so the talent is a bit one sided. Christian and AJ start as the smarks explode. Tomko teases being number one for his team but he sends AJ in instead. Now remember they’re going for five minutes and then after the coin toss whoever wins will have a two minute advantage and after that two minutes the losing team makes it 2-2.

That continues until all ten are in. Ten men are WAY too many but I love me some WarGames so this is fun. The heel team of course wins to continue the tradition. AJ is freaking amazing. He might be better at this point than he is now if you can believe that. AJ is dominating here and we have another heel coming. What is our future ECW Champion going to do???

Christian takes over for a bit but we get back to even as Brother Ray comes out. One of the beauties of this match is that you have seventeen minutes at least of wrestling before you get to the finale of the match. It’s a nice little break from those never ending matches that get rather boring.

Ray wears a Yankees jersey and remember we’re just outside of Boston (those teams hate each other for you non baseball fans). And Ray uses a Boston Crab. That’s just amusing. Rhyno ties us up. Didn’t they hate each other for like ever? The clock is ten kinds of messed up now so it’s anyone’s guess how close they get to the right time. James Storm comes out maybe a minute and twenty seconds later. He’s got Jackie with him. Yeah I don’t care either.

He and Roode would hook up soon. For no explainable reason AJ climbs the cage and he and Christian fight on the top but Christian climbs down on the outside and gets knocked to the floor. Nash ties it up but Christian is still on the floor. He launches an AWESOME high cross body to Bubba and Storm. That was sweet looking. D-Von comes in after maybe a minute.

The clock is completely insane, but I can’t criticize it as the Royal Rumble is never anywhere close. I never remember a team that turns face or heel faster than 3D. I like the booking here as they’re letting the heels dominate when they’re way behind in talent but the booking is realistic. Matt Morgan comes in next and he’s as green as possible. He had been Cornette’s bodyguard forever but never got in the ring until here. We know it’s Tomko and Sting left so that’s no mystery.

There’s a lot of laying around here but you have to do that in a sense here as there are just too many people in there. AJ and Matt hook up for awhile which is a PPV main event someday if they quit messing around with Morgan. Oh that’s right: we need to have Hogan’s boys in the main event. Christian and Tomko go at it as the two captains which is always interesting.

D-Von is bleeding pretty well. The fans want Sting. Everyone stops to meet Sting but he pulls a 96 WarGames and beats them all up by himself. In a cool spot, Sting throws AJ up like for a back body drop but just kicks him in the balls instead. The roof with the weapons is lowered. Everybody grabs one as they have them on the roof too. Yeah they’re not even bothering trying to hide that they’re going up there.

Oh ok there’s a trap door so it’s more obvious. I kind of like that. Storm and Christian go up there which unclutters the ring a bit as it badly needs. There’s a bit hole in the roof which is kind of a cool visual. Nash and Morgan do a double chokeslam on 3D. AJ grabs a kendo stick and just massacres people with it. We have a table on the roof and AJ heads up there too so there are three up there and seven in the ring. AJ sets up a ladder ON TOP OF THE CAGE. Once he climbs it, he might be higher up than on top of the HIAC. I’m pretty sure he is.

As someone afraid of heights, that’s scary to me. Christian climbs up too and Storm shoves the ladder over. Nothing at all is happening in the cage mind you. They couldn’t have gone any further without a potential serious injury. And then Rhyno gores Storm for the pin. What the heck was that???? It’s like they ran out of time all of a sudden and said go home NOW.

Rating: B-. That’s mainly for the bad ending. There was no big dramatic moment or anything and they just had the Gore for the pin. I’m not wild on that at all. The ten people are just WAY too many for one ring. This should have been 3-3 or so and nothing more. Actually 4-4 could work. There were also far too many dead spots too.

This is definitely a good idea but it needs a lot of tweaking with the main thing being an adjustment to the amount of people. I’m probably shortchanging this a bit, but there were too many people and too much laying around doing nothing because of the confined space. The two ring, 8 man matches were always, well at least almost always, awesome because they found that balance. If TNA can do that then these matches go WAY up in value.

We recap the Angle/Joe feud. Let me make this clear: counting the intros, this takes over 12 minutes. That’s not counting the JB intros where he says who each guy is. Counting that we hit 15 minutes. It is 18 minutes from the end of Lethal Lockdown to the start of this match. That’s just ridiculous.

TNA World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe

Now the first thing you notice is that this is more or less designed as a half MMA fight and half wrestling match. Now I get the idea here as they want to spread out the audience, but this isn’t something I can get into. I’m not saying it’s a bad idea, but it’s just not the greatest idea in the world to me. It’s new though so I have to give them credit for not just doing the same match.

They use a lot of MMA techniques and it’s actually working pretty well. They have Frank Trigg on commentary which is a good idea as he offers a perspective that we wouldn’t usually get, much like Tenay used to do with the cruiserweights in WCW. This is about seventeen minutes of primarily submission based stuff and while it’s not my style, it’s certainly great stuff.

You can tell there’s been a lot of training done for both guys to incorporate a lot of new submissions. In a CREEPY moment, Joe gets a crossface on Angle and the fans chant Joe’s gonna kill you. I don’t think it was intentional or anything, but that’s rather chilling. After a ton of submission attempts, and I mean at least 12 apiece, Joe hits the Muscle Buster to get the pin. Massive posing and celebrating ends the show.

Rating: A-. That might be a bit high but after what I went through with the idiocy earlier, this was gold for me. It’s a completely different style but it worked exactly like they wanted it to so I can’t complain at all. This was named match of the year in TNA and I can buy that.

I’m glad this was a one off thing though as it’s not something I’d want to become the norm. Either way, this was a great way to put the belt on Joe, but because it came two freaking years too late, no one cared and he was a boring champion.

Overall Rating: D. Well, the two main events were really good, but that’s all this show has going for it. The all cage thing is just not a good idea at all. The last two matches belong in a cage and by having another I believe 6 matches before that, it just makes the last two seem weak.

If you take away the cage earlier for everything other than maybe the X match, then this is easily a C+ or so. The matches are ok, but the Women’s match and the tag match were just so freaking STUPID. What was the point of those gimmicks? Anyway, this was a bad idea but if tweaked could turn into a much better one. Show sucked for the most part though. Get Joe/Angle and the Lethal Lockdown if you’re very bored, but you’ll be better off with an old WarGames match. Other than that, not worth it.

Final Resolution 2009
Date: December 20, 2009
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,200
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

This is the final PPV before we got to the Hogan Era and the difference is remarkable.  AJ is world champion here and the main event is him vs. Christopher Daniels for the title.  On the undercard is Angle vs. Desmond Wolfe in a 2/3 falls match which should be awesome.  Notice how the emphasis is on the older guys mixing with the younger guys in order to make the younger ones look good.  That’s called giving someone a rub which you don’t see enough of anymore.  Let’s get to it.

Also expect the TNA shows to have a lot of 2009 coming as I found every show from that year which is a big plus since it’s hard finding TNA PPVs that are complete.

We open up here with a Christmas theme set in front of the wrestlers which then turns to fire and clips of the aforementioned main feuds.  This looks like the opening video to a TV show rather than a PPV.

Tag Titles: British Invasion vs. Motor City Machine Guns

The idea here is that the Brits are just there and the Guns are tired of being overlooked which is a very true statement.  At least we get the Motorcity song.  The Invasion is part of World Elite and is comprised of Magnus and Doug Williams.  The ropes are red and green here which is either cool or stupid.  Not sure which.

Sabin vs. Williams to start us off here.  Williams takes him down with a wristlock and they roll around on the mat a bit.  Off to Shelley and it’s a bit more of the same.  Magnus comes in and the fourth guy works on a wristlock.  Shelley tries to jump at Magnus and it just fails.  Right back to the arm because we’ve gone a full 8 seconds without doing that.  The Guns both come in and kick away to take both members of the Brits now.

Stereo double dives from the middle rope on the inside to the Brits on the floor in an awesome spot.  Back in now with Magnus taking Shelley down and it’s off to Williams.  Technically this has been very sound so far.  Williams gets an inverted Gory Special to drive Shelley into the top turnbuckle in a cool spot.  Shelley manages to get a top rope cross body for two.

Back off to Magnus now for some double teaming.  Shelley and Williams (these Brits tag too much) have a nice technical piece and Magnus takes down Sabin to prevent the tag.  Full nelson by Magnus gets him nowhere.  A Vader Bomb by Magnus eats knees and it’s off to Sabin vs. Williams now for a nice change of pace.  Tornado DDT by Sabin gets two.

Back off to Shelley and Magnus and Shelly hits a top rope kick to the chest (think RVD) for two.  The tagging thing is more or less being more forgotten by the second here.  Sabin dives through Shelley’s legs to take Williams into the guard rail.  Sliced Bread #2 to Magnus gets a close two.  Double stomp by Shelley misses and he runs into an exploder suplex by Williams.

Everyone in now as the Guns are taken down one by one.  That would be all as far as numbers go as there are only two Guns.  Shelley and Magnus slug it out in the ring as we’re back to a standard tag format now.  Back off to Sabin again and the Guns hit a double team downward spiral/missile dropkick for two.  Rolling Chaos doesn’t work as Sabin saves Alex by hitting a Cutter on Williams.  The unnamed Skull and Bones gets two on Magnus.  Double team Sliced Bread doesn’t work and Sabin gets caught in a sweet powerbomb/European Uppercut off the top combination to end this.

Rating: B. Good stuff here as it was fast paced and the fans were into it.  For the life of me though I don’t get why they waited for so long to put the belts on the Guns as they got them due to Hall being released for being Scott Hall.  This was a good match and I was getting into it by the end, which says a lot given that I knew who was winning.

We talk about Hogan and we all know how well that’s gone for the company.  Jeff Hardy appeared there too.  Oh dear.

We run down the remaining card in case someone decided to randomly buy a PPV 20 minutes in.  Oh it’s just the main event.  Ok then.

Knockout Title: Tara vs. ODB

These two feuded forever around this time and I think they’re both faces.  I get to hear the Broken song so I’m a bit happier.  She still has that stupid spider though which is rather stupid and I never got the point of it.  Dang Tara is hot.  Actually ODB might be a heel here.  She’s acting a bit cowardly.  I never got the appeal to her in the slightest.  And never mind as she jumps Tara when the referee is taking the belt away.

Tara grabs a quick Tarantula and adds a leg drop for two.  They do some sloppy stuff and ODB gets a knee to the ribs.  BAD shoulder breaker by ODB gets two.  Bronco Buster doesn’t work as instead it’s a kick to Tara’s shapely chest.  Almost all ODB to this point other than a quick attack at the beginning.  Fall away slam and a nip up by ODB.  After a LONG delay she gets two.

Tara grabs the sloppiest jackknife cover of all time for two.  There’s no Impact on Thursday due to it being Christmas Eve.  There’s a New Year’s Eve show with a Knockouts Tournament apparently.  Hey TNA is having a tournament.  I’m SHOCKED.  ODB tries….something and falls on her face.  Tara slugs away and gets a flapjack for no cover.  Standing moonsault gets two.  No shake first which makes me sad.  ODB puts her in a fireman’s carry but Tara reverses into something like a sunset flip/rollup for the pin.  Wow this was bad.

Rating: D-. The ONLY thing keeping this from failing is Tara looking great.  I mean this was terrible.  They were sloppy here and ODB constantly rubbing herself doesn’t help anything.  Weak match and I couldn’t wait to get this done.  Terrible match and a great example of why the Knockouts Division was dying around this time.

Tara is happy to have won.

We get a video on Hogan coming to Impact on 1/4.  That 1.5 rating they got is the highest they’ve gotten as of this writing, in March of 2011.

Feast or Fired

Jay Lethal, Consequences Creed, Cody Deaner, Robert Roode, James Storm, Eric Young, Homicide, Kiyoshi, Sheik Abdul Bashir, Rob Terry, Kevin Nash, Samoa Joe

Everyone from Young to Nash is in World Elite, making up half of the lineup here.  Simple concept: four cases, one has a world title shot, one has an X Title shot, one has a tag title shot, one has a pink slip.  You pull down a case, that’s what you get.  Like I said, simple concept.  This is of course almost impossible to call as everyone is doing random stuff and it’s a big fight so far.

Lethal goes up early, only to be stopped by Kiyoshi.  The idea here is that World Elite doesn’t want Beer Money or Lethal Consequences to get a case so that the Brits don’t have to fight them.  Smart actually.  Joe hammers on Young as we hear about how experienced Homicide is in these.  Deaner almost gets up but can’t quite get there.  Apparently all of World Elite is banned from going up.  Stupid but whatever.

Deaner goes up again but gets pulled down.  This is a total mess with two people in the ring and the other nine being outside.  Bashir goes up for the third time but Deaner stops him.  They have been the only two in the ring forever now.  Sheik rakes the eyes but he falls off and it’s Lethal Consequences beating on various people.

Lethal plays defense while Creed goes up but he gets knocked off by Bashir.  Deaner challenges him for it and it falls off.  They fight for it on the floor and Bashir kicks him in the knee and clocks him with it to get case #2.  In the ring Rob Terry gets #4.  Young gets all ticked off at him as does the rest of the World Elite team.  Beer Money is like screw this and jumps them.

Beer Money double teams Nash and then Young.  I can understand them not going up there as Nash was on his feet so that makes sense.  BEER MONEY runs into Kiyoshi who doesn’t last long.  All Beer Money here as they beat the tar out of everyone.  Roode goes up but it’s Nash with the save.  He goes up and easily gets case #1.  The people that get cases leave by the way.

Joe gets in the ring for the first time as the fans are clearly behind him.  He beats on Lethal Consequences because he can but he doesn’t have as much luck with Beer Money.  Finishers all around now with Homicide hitting a top rope cutter to take down Roode.  Deaner is up now but Joe is like boy what the world do you think you’re doing and kicks him to the floor and grabs #3 to end this.

Rating: D. No idea what to really think about these matches but this wasn’t very interesting.  It’s like a battle royal but it was messed up beyond belief.  Deaner being in there way too much always hurts things.  Nothing any good here but then again these matches never were worth anything.  Boring but it sets up future storylines so I guess it has that going for it.

Angle and AJ are in the back and Angle says that Wolfe is one of the best he’s ever faced.  He implies he’s coming after AJ once he beats Wolfe.  AJ says cool but first he has to get by Daniels.  Christy was there also and good grief she was gorgeous.

Time to unveil the cases.  Remember it’s World Title, Tag Titles, X Title and being fired.  First up is Nash and he gets a tag title shot.  He and Hall would use that in like May to give the Band the tag titles after not mentioning he had the case for four and a half months.

Joe goes second and gets a World Title shot which he would cash in at Against All Odds and lose.

We do the last two at the same time.  It’s Rob Terry and Sheik Abdul Bashir if you’ve lost track.  Terry gets the X Division Title shot which he gave to Douglas Williams who won the title.  Bashir is fired and then actually left the company.  He gets the future endeavored line and the Goodbye Song as parting gifts.

Taz insists this isn’t part of the show.  Yeah the last 17 minutes for that stuff wasn’t part of the show at all.

Matt Morgan/Hernandez/D’Angelo Dinero/Suicide vs. Rhyno/Team 3D/Jesse Neal

This is an elimination match so think Survivor Series.  Actually for the first five minutes it’s 1 on 4 and that would be Hernandez vs. the other four.  Why is that the case?  Who freaking cares?  Apparently not TNA as they barely mention it.  Leave it to TNA to be able to screw this up.  If Hernandez loses in this five minutes it’s over but it’s just an elimination for the other guys.  Leave it to TNA to manage to screw up an elimination tag with overly complicated rules.

Neal is a total jobber at this point and just a student of Team 3D.  Hernandez is coming off a super push where he was almost world champion but was then pushed down into a tag team with Morgan just because.  Ray beats on Hernandez a bit and it’s off to Rhyno.  Why are these teams feuding?  Not necessary information.  Gore hits for two so we know Rhyno won’t last long.  Another Gore misses and a rollup makes it 1-3 which is soon to be 4-3.

Neal is sent out to get a chair but the heels just stand around while the rest of the time runs out and here are the other three.  Morgan is also in the middle of a big push which would just die when Hogan got there.  Hernandez dives out on everyone at once and we get down to regular stuff.  Suicide (Kazarian) hammers on Neal to start.  They have this whole thing backwards at this point as the faces are dominating, which is the total wrong idea in matches like these.

Not being very intelligent, Neal picks up the chair and pops Suicide with it.  Hernandez, not being very intelligent either, picks up the same chair and pops Neal with it.  So it’s a DQ if you hit someone no longer in the match?  3D takes out Suicide so it’s 2-2 now….wait why is Neal still out there?  He cracked Suicide with the chair and the referee clearly saw it.  Heck he reacted to it.  Why does this surprise me?  What the heck ever man.

It’s Dinero vs. Ray at the moment and now Neal leaves as it’s a DQ for him.  How do you make a simple DQ complicated?  Pope gets a top rope clothesline for two.  3D takes Pope out and it’s 2-1 finally.  Team 3D hammers him together for awhile which the referee doesn’t seem to have much of an issue with.  Morgan hits a double clothesline and splashes them both in the corner.

D-Von takes the corner elbows but can still save Ray from a chokeslam.  Oh and the Dudleys are the IWGP Tag Champions here.  Not that it means anything to the vast majority of wrestling fans but TNA insisted it mattered so there we are.  There hasn’t been any time during the 2-1 part where a Dudley has been on the apron.

Big boot takes out D-Von, even though the hand didn’t hit the mat the third time and they wait 15 seconds to announce his elimination.  So it’s Ray vs. Morgan now which would be a win for Ray at the moment somehow.  Ray counters the Hellevator into a DDT and it’s chair time.  Carbon Footprint into the chair ends it.

Rating: D. What the heck were they thinking here?  Was there any need for the five minute thing or for this to take up sixteen minutes or air time?  I mean dude, seriously?  It wasn’t even anything special with the two DQs and the total lack of drama as the biggest star on the other team was who, Ray?  This was boring and another example ot TNA managing to take something simple and overcomplicate it.

We recap Abyss vs. Dr. Stevie which incorporated Foley on Abyss’ side and Raven on Richards’ side.  Richards lit Abyss’ leg on fire which I don’t remember at all.

Oh wait that’s not next.  This is next.

We recap Lashley vs. Steiner.  I’m not kidding here.  They just flat out said they aired the wrong video and this is the next match.  Steiner thinks Lashley’s wife loves her or something.

Scott Steiner vs. Bobby Lashley

Last man standing here as Steiner had hit him with a pipe last month in their match to end Lashley’s unbeaten streak.  Kristal, the wife, is thrown out before the match.  Steiner goes after her and Bobby chases.  Bobby catches Steiner and does nothing.  Steiner drills him and we start on the floor.  Back in the ring now and it’s a T-Bone by Bobby to take over.

Dragon sleeper goes on as Steiner is in trouble.  Since Lashley lets Steiner go, that isn’t enough to end it.  Scott’s leg may be messed up here.  Out to the floor and Lashley hits him with a chair.  Steiner hits him with a pipe and down goes Lashley.  Naturally a lead pipe to the head by a huge muscle man like Steiner isn’t enough to keep him down though as he’s up at 7.

Lashley goes into the post and then the steps.  Back in the ring and Steiner gets a downward spiral from the top rope (Lashley’s feet were on it and Steiner was on the mat) for 9.  Belly to belly suplex off the top (with Bobby landing on his head and Taz making a Cole Vintage joke) gets about 8.  Steiner jumps into a suplex of his own Powerslam for Bobby gets two and a Frankensteiner gets the same.  The pipe is retrieved but Kristal comes down to steal it.  A spear and a pipe shot from Steiner end this.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much at all as Steiner was pretty uninteresting at this point to say the least.  Lashley would be gone in a month as he became a full time MMA guy and didn’t exactly do that well at it.  Boring match here that was more or less just there.  At least this ended the feud though.  The Lashleys would turn heel on January 4^th to no one really caring.

We talk about the upcoming tag match for a bit before it happens.

Raven/Dr. Stevie vs. Mick Foley/Abyss

Is there a reason why we’re supposed to believe that he’s a doctor?  This is now No DQ which makes things a bit better I guess.  Yep Foley makes it anything goes.  Total mess to start where you can barely keep track of what’s going on.  Abyss beats on Stevie near the announce booth and pulls out a table.  The fan on Tenay’s desk amuses me for some reason.

Abyss wanted to powerbomb Stevie off the stage through a table but Raven makes the save with a kendo stick.  It’s broken over Abyss’ back and jabbed into various parts of his body.  Foley is nowhere to be seen.  Back at ringside Raven rams into Abyss and bites him.  This isn’t much to look at.  Abyss’ leather pants have burn holes in them.  Raven pulls out some gasoline but Foley pops up with a shopping cart full of weapons.

A barbed wire bat is rammed into both heels stomachs and a Piledriver gets two on Raven.  He and Stevie are stacked on top of each other and Abyss sits on them.  Here comes Socko but Raven throws powder into Foley’s eyes.  Abyss saves his partner and puts Stevie in the Shock Treatment while at the same time dropping a leg on Raven in a cool spot.  Abyss has his own sock.  I give up.

Stereo Mandible Claws but Raven gets a low blow and the DDT for two on Abyss.  Foley makes more or less a lasso of barbed wire and wraps it around Richards.  He sets Richards on a table and dives off the stage onto the table with an elbow.  Daffney comes out and hits Abyss with a chair but Raven saves.  Black Hole Slam ends Raven and it’s over.

Rating: C-. If you’ve seen one of these hardcore matches you’ve seen them all.  There’s nothing special about them at all for the most part as they’re all the same thing after awhile.  The big ending spot if Foley diving off and it’s treated like any other elbow drop in a match instead of a huge spot like it was.  Not bad though.

Joe says he’d win and he did.  He isn’t sure when he’s cashing in but it could be tonight.  This is to fill in time to clear the ring.

We recap Wolfe vs. Angle which is the end of the feud.  Wolfe is brand new and keeps beating on Angle but can’t quite beat him by pin or submission (he won by a referee stoppage in a street fight).  This is 2/3 falls with the first being pin only, second being submission only and third is in a cage which is escape only.

Taz and Tenay talk for too long.  Oh it’s for the cage.  I see.  So all three falls are in the cage?  That’s kind of cool actually.

Desmond Wolfe vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is still in a Mafia shirt even though that’s long since dead.  They have a ton of time here so they start slowly with ground work.  Angle grabs the leg and down to the mat we go.  Off to a cobra clutch by Wolfe.  Lots of technical stuff here which is pretty solid of course given who is in there.  Hammerlock by Angle and we look at some guy and his kid in the crowd for no apparent reason at all.

Multiple covers get nothing for Wolfe.  A knee drop misses for Wolfe so Angle goes after the leg.  Headlock takedown and it’s Wolfe in control.  They’re in first gear here or maybe a mild second one but it’s still entertaining.  The dueling chants have already started.  Angle fights up and gets a buckle bomb for our first big high impact move.  We’ve been at this almost 8 minutes now so you can tell this is going slowly.

Wolfe in control again with Wolfe working on the arm a bit more.  Modified cobra clutch goes on for a bit but Kurt fights back.  Overhead belly to belly but Kurt can’t get the Angle Slam.  A single arm DDT hits but Wolfe misses a big clothesline misses.  Rolling Germans go on in a set of about five or six.

Angle goes up and gets caught in the Tower of London for two.  It’s a Diamond Cutter off the top if you’re wondering.  The lariat misses again and it’s another attempt at the Tower of London but Kurt escapes and the Angle Slam gets two.  Angle tries the moonsault and, say it with me, it misses by a mile.  Clothesline hits this time and the Tower of London gets the first fall for Wolfe.  Really should have been after the clothesline.

Wolfe goes straight for the arm and Kurt is in big trouble already.  The crank that Wolfe has it on there is INSANE.  Kurt rolls out of it though and it’s time for a figure four out of nowhere.  The rope is grabbed and we’re back to the arm again.  Wolfe puts on a ton of arm holds and they’re all at least somewhat different.  Kurt reverses one of them into the ankle lock and Wolfe is in trouble.

Wolfe reverses into the LeBell Lock minus the crossface.  That gets rolled through and it’s back to the ankle lock.  This is a technical masterpiece so far.  Angle reverses ANOTHER arm hold into the ankle lock which Wolfe reverses into an ankle lock of his own.  Angle grabs something like a triangle choke which gets reversed into an arm lock again.  Triangle choke goes on but Kurt runs through it into an ankle lock again and it’s the grapevine added that ends fall 2.

Ok so it’s now escape to win it.  Oh that guy they showed earlier is Jason Williams of the Orlando Magic.  WWE is in town tonight so they’re making fun of it somehow.  Angle puts Wolfe down and goes up so they fight on the ropes a bit.  Wolfe rams the arm into the cage which is rather smart and basic.  Wolfe goes up so Kurt does the same thing to Wolfe’s leg.  I like that as it’s nice storytelling.

Wolfe knocks him off the ropes so Kurt pops up and throws him off in the running suplex.  Desmond is busted BAD.  Kurt goes up but Wolfe gets a boot up which might have hit Angle’s bad arm.  It was Wolfe’s bad leg though so everyone is down.  Desmond calls for the door to be open but Kurt makes the save again.  Wolfe taps forever but Kurt won’t let go.  Desmond passes out and Kurt climbs out.  Wolfe almost made it but couldn’t quite do it.

Rating: A. Great match here with some incredible back and forth stuff in the submission round.  I don’t tend to like matches like these but this was very fun to see.  Wolfe being left laying like that at the end was great but I would have had him stay there until Kurt had won.  Either way, great match and the whole thing worked incredibly well.  Brutal match with a clear winner, which is the point of matches like these.

Mick Foley talks about Hogan for no apparent reason.

We recap Daniels vs. AJ.  There was a masked man running around jumping AJ and he thought it was Daniels.  There was a three way match at Turning Point where AJ pinned Joe, stealing Daniels’ pin.  The idea here is that Daniels is equal to AJ but Daniels has never gotten anything out of AJ’s friendship.  In short, it’s Anderson vs. Flair.

TNA World Title: Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles

Anyone that has read my reviews knows I don’t like Daniels at all for the most part.  This is AJ before they turned him into the Flair tribute character, therefore making him awesome.  The challenger is called Daniels here but I need more names to swap in and out so there you go.  They stare each other down for awhile and then lock up with no one really having control to start.

Daniels grabs the arm when AJ is talking to the referee and takes over.  AJ tries a nip up to escape but Daniels drops down onto him in a nice counter.  Daniels stays on the arm for a good while but tries a dropkick which AJ holds the ropes for.  We speed things up now and AJ pops off an awesome dropkick to take over.

We head to the floor with AJ doing his flips and dives to take down Daniels.  Back in and a hilo sets up a discus clothesline for no cover as it’s all AJ at the moment.  Off to the chinlock and the fans chant for Angle.  Or is it Angel?  Daniels goes with those palm strikes and a monkey flip to send AJ flying.  Clothesline sends AJ to the floor but his foot gets caught on the rope and he lands on his head.

On the floor and Daniels puts AJ in a chair.  He picks up another chair and tries to swing it.  The referee stops him but when he’s not looking Daniels hits a release Rock Bottom onto the chair AJ was sitting in.  Taz asks a good question: “Does the referee think the chair just exploded?”  Back in the ring a side slam gets two as Daniels keeps up the assault on the back of AJ.

A headscissors out of nowhere puts Daniels down but it’s only for a second.  Daniels sits AJ up on the ropes facing the crowd.  He picks AJ up for something like a belly to back suplex but rotates him a bit to drop AJ back first on the turnbuckle in a sick bump for two. Moonsault “hits” and Daniels locks on a crossface minus the arm trap.  Doesn’t go on long but it looked good.  I don’t get why AJ couldn’t just put his arms down to break the pressure but what do I know?

Lionsault minus the running start misses and AJ hits a suplex to put both guys down for a bit.  AJ goes to the apron so Daniels tries a rana to the floor.  AJ just drops him down in a powerbomb which sounded awesome.  He hammers on Daniels and we go back into the ring.  AJ hits an FU into a backbreaker and the backflip into the reverse DDT for two.

Daniels is able to get something like a backdrop onto the top rope to crotch AJ.  From there Daniels steps onto the middle rope and suplexes AJ back in with a unique move.  With AJ sitting on the top rope Daniels hits a HUGE palm strike to the head.  A Frankensteiner and a Shining Wizard gets two.  The fans say someone got served in this youth language that I’m not familiar with.  Stupid young whippersnappers.  BIG knot on Daniels’ head here.

They fight over a suplex but AJ settles for a big old brainbuster instead.  There’s the springboard forearm that I always love for a long two.  Styles Clash is blocked so it’s a Pele instead.  Another attempt is blocked by a palm strike.  Another release Rock Bottom by Daniels sets up the Best Moonsault Ever for a long two.

Daniels hammers away as I think that knot on his head could take over a small country at this point.  AJ sends him chest first into the corner and rolls through into the Styles Clash for two.  Daniels gets up and puts AJ on the second turnbuckle on the inside (I had to channel Gorilla once or twice) but goes for a rana and is caught in the Clash from the middle rope to end it.

Rating: B+. Good match but it’s definitely a step or two behind the previous one.  Daniels was never a real threat here as eventually he has to win something to be classified as a real threat.  This was when AJ had a lot of meaningless matches as champion, but they were good enough that you could overlook that.  Either way, this was good but not as good as the match before it, which hurts it a bit.

Overall Rating: B-. This show suffers from what came after it.  In 15 days, Hogan showed up and all of this was tossed out the window.  They were clearly just holding down the fort at this point and while some of it was good, parts of it are utterly forgettable or just weak.  After the opener, everything until Angle vs. Wolfe is AWFUL.  It’s definitely not the worst TNA show and it’s actually good, but as far as importance goes, this means nothing at all due to Hogan and Bischoff hitting the reset button.  Good show, but the definition of not important.

Impact
Date: March 31, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: R-V-Damed!!!

So we’ve got three more shows before Lockdown which seems like a lot for some reason.  It’s nice to have them focusing on a PPV instead of a TV show though as this gives us something to look forward to at the PPV.  Last week’s show gives me some hope for this week although I really hope we won’t get another #1 contender’s match tonight.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the #1 contender’s match last week with Anderson getting disqualified.  Sting claims he didn’t call for the bell so Anderson accuses Sting of being afraid to face him.

In the arena and Anderson more or less runs Earl Hebner to the ring.  Anderson gets in Hebner’s face, yelling at him about ringing the bell and handing the match to RVD.  Hebner says that Anderson needs to show respect to the striped shirt and that Anderson was disqualified for disrespecting Sting, the referee last week.  Hebner says the decision stands and  if Anderson tries anything or disrespects him then Anderson will be suspended for 90 days period.

Hebner tries to leave but Anderson grabs him and sets for the Mic Check.  Hebner’s son, fellow referee Brian Hebner, comes out for the save so Anderson says go for it.  Anderson wants to know if Earl is going to screw him over now too since that’s what he does.  Earl pulls his fist back until Sting comes down for the save.  Sting says pick on him instead and Anderson says this is his country.  Sting drills him and the security comes out to pull them apart.

Cue RVD, now complete with his memory, comes out and says he doesn’t want the win like that and tells Hebner to make it a threeway at Lockdown.  He can’t do that though, but apparently he can make it stand?  Makes sense actually.  Cue Hogan to say ok let’s do that.  What a shock: the #1 contender’s match again meant nothing.  Bischoff has a ratings idea so tonight it’s the three in the ring vs. Flair’s team of Abyss, Matt and Bubba in a cage.  Sting and Anderson brawl as we go to a break.

Back and Anderson has no comment.

RVD says he likes having everyone in the ring at once because he can take care of all of them at once.

Sting says he’ll get an apology for the disrespect from Anderson.

Shannon Moore vs. Scott Steiner up next.  As Gorilla would say “A main event anywhere in the world.”

Shannon says he’s the new generation and he disrespected Steiner because he has no respect for Steiner.

Steiner says that’s not disrespect.  If he wanted to disrespect Shannon he’d spend the night with his girlfriend.  This is going to be a beatdown, not a match.

Bubba says that he’s not wanting to talk about AJ and he lets his attitude do the talking.  There’s a chip on his shoulder and Hogan wants to borrow it.  Ok then.

Jordan and Young are on their way to the ring.  I guess they’re up next now.

The Jarretts are talking to Hogan and Bischoff, more or less begging to call off the Angle match.  Didn’t Angle say he’d get the Jarretts if he tried to do this?  There’s a Rob Terry thing apparently to take care of Angle.  Hogan calls Karen the key to this.

Scott Steiner vs. Shannon Moore

Orlando Jordan and Eric Young are on commentary here…just because I guess.  Crimson and Neal are here as seconds.  Young has an announcement and they’re going to be in a four way tag match at Lockdown.  Steiner/Crimson vs. Ink Inc vs. Jordan/Young vs. a mystery team.  Jordan is dressed like a peacock.  I’ve got nothing.  Young says the mystery team might be Demolition.  That would be awesome.

Moore tries to run and gets thrown back in by Crimson to let the beating begin.  Steiner is destroying him here wit his power stuff.  The referee gets in the way a bit as Steiner drops Moore with a back elbow.  Belly to belly gets two.  Young speculates on the Beverly Brothers.  It’s always fun to hear obscure names like those dropped.  Moore gets in a shot to the leg and does some pushups to tick Scott off.

Shannon puts on Steiner’s headgear but misses a moonsault.  There are all kinds of sexual jokes from Jordan and Young here, none of which are really all that funny.  Steiner wakes up and starts the proper squashing here.  Frankensteiner from the top ends this at 4:25.  Was there ever any real doubt as to the ending?

Rating: D. Boring match here as Steiner was never in any real danger and it was just a step past an extended squash.  Nothing of note here at all but at least we got some wrestling here.  At least this stupid feud is mostly over now though.  I still don’t get the appeal of Moore and I never have.

Jordan and Young with Jordan in rainbow wings and what can best be described as feather briefs, go to the ring to congratulate the winners but are jumped by Doug Williams and Brutus Magnus who apparently are the fourth team.  Good job with Williams guys: from a face that is stealing the show with AJ to a heel in the same generic tag team he was in years ago.

Back with Anderson talking to a poster of himself.  The poster says that he won’t apologize to Sting.

The Jarretts are complaining about Anderson being on the poster.  HEY!  Did you know that ANDERSON is supposed to be the star of this show?  Didn’t know if they made that clear enough with his three of four appearances in 40 minutes.  Karen is mad at Jeff in case the plan doesn’t work and he has to face Kurt at Lockdown.  Jeff says it’s ok.

We recap Generation Me being awesome but apparently Jeremy has turned on Max and Max isn’t happy about it.  This is about one trying to get the title at the last PPV.

Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck

Jeremy is mad about Max stealing the glory.  They go incredibly fast paced of course with Max being sent to the floor.  Jeremy invites Max back into the ring which is accepted.  Jeremy tries a handshake but is pulled into a headlock.  We’re getting a lot of quick covers and counters here but now Max is getting all ticked off.  Rana by Jeremy gets two.

Max sends him to the floor and Jeremy might have hurt his elbow.  Now Max holds the ropes open for Jeremy just like Jermy did for him earlier.  Max kicks him in the head though and adds a jumping flipping cutter from the top rope to end this at 4:00.  Cool finisher to say the least.

Rating: C. Pretty fun match here but the feud just came and went.  We haven’t heard from them since the PPV, they have a random match on Impact and now they’re done.  I guess that’s all there is to this though so at least it’s done.  Fun match with lots of fast spots so a nice alternative to the previous match.

Fourtune is here and are happy about someone arriving at an airport.

Back with Winter giving Angelina a drink and talking to her about Velvet.  Methinks hijinks are afoot with that cup.

We recap the Angelina and Winter stuff with Velvet not being able to see her at first and then Winter being all psycho protective over Angelina.  We get what is probably the 6^th use of the word witch in 50 minutes during this.

Winter vs. Velvet Sky

The match starts after the break.  Back with the bell and Velvet charging straight at Winter.  Lots of shoulders into the corner follow and Velvet is in control.  Never mind as it’s off to Winter as Taz babbles about how hot they look and something about Lelani Kai.  Winter keeps up the beating and gets a backbreaker for two.  Velvet comes back and gets some clothesline to take Winter down.  Bulldog puts her down again but Angelina comes down the aisle.  She’s all trance like as Winter drills Velvet.  A spinning backbreaker sets up a kind of choke to end Velvet at 3:57.  Angelina continues to just stand there and not move.

Rating: D. Pretty weak match here as the drink thing gave away the ending.  At least they’re finally going somewhere with the Winter being weird thing so at least we get some advancement other than Velvet and her whining every 8 seconds.  Weak match but the wrestling wasn’t the point here.

Here’s Anderson….again.  He calls out Sting and sucker punches him.  They brawl some more and go into the crowd.  After about two minutes, Immortal comes out for he beat down to get the advantage for the cage match later tonight.  Van Dam FINALLY comes out for the save and beats on Ray a bit.  He lets Immortal hammer on Anderson after saving Sting.  RVD leaves Anderson to the wolves.  Immortal throws Anderson to Sting who pops him and chases off Immortal.

The Jarretts pretend that Angle is attacking them on the phone, I’m assuming to the police.

Angle is up next against some mystery guy.  Gee I wonder if it could be the guy that Hogan mentioned by name as a potential solution for Kurt.

Back with Flair talking about how awesome Immortal is and how there’s no point to the match tonight as it’s a team against three individuals.  All three people talk about how awesome Immortal is.

Velvet complains about Winter and says you don’t come to TNA to mess with the Beautiful People.  She’s going to break the hold that Winter has on her no matter what it takes.

Here’s Kurt and he has no idea who he’s fighting tonight.  Kurt calls out Jeff Jarrett and here he comes, along with Rob Terry.  Yes, surprisingly enough it’s the guy that Hogan said was the solution to the Angle problem.  Is this supposed to be a surprise?

Rob Terry vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is in street clothes here.  Jarrett distracts Kurt to let Terry take over to start us off here.  Kurt gets a boot up but jumps into a front slam as he tries a cross body.  Terry gets him in a tombstone position but Kurt reverses into the ankle lock for the submission at 1:36.

Angle gets his hands on Jeff for a split second post match but only gets his shoe.  Kurt chases after Jarrett and chokes him with I think a shirt.  Angle Slam on the stage is reversed and Jeff runs backstage.  Kurt might catch him if he was actually running.  Jeff hides behind a wall or something and Kurt walks into some cops as Karen shouts.  Kurt is arrested and taken away.  I can’t wait to get to Lockdown so this can end already.  It was good to start but this has gone on far too long.

Fourtune isn’t sure what RVD is doing and they want to back up Sting tonight.  Roode talks about having a fourth person and that they need to go talk to someone.

Hogan and Bischoff say they can pick and choose whoever they want to join Immortal with how mad those three are at each other.

Matt Hardy/Abyss/Bully Ray vs. Sting/Rob Van Dam/Mr. Anderson

This is in a cage remember.  They have almost 25 minutes left in the show so this could get a lot of time.  Sting jumps Anderson as he’s doing the intro and suplexes him on the stage.  Flair hits RVD with a low blow and puts him in the cage.  Sting comes in and it’s 3-2 to start us off.  Stinger Splashes all around and the atomic drop by Hardy is no sold.  This is one of those annoying cage matches where you have to tag.

Immortal doesn’t seem to care about those rules though which is something I really like.  It’s a cage match where it’s supposed to be about survival, but make sure to tag in and out.  Anderson sits in a chair on the floor and watches as we take a break.  Back with Sting getting destroyed by all three Immortals.

As the beatdown continues here’s Hogan complete with back brace.  He tells Anderson to get in the cage but Anderson doesn’t want to.  Hogan calls him a jerk and Anderson wants to fight.  Hogan says he has glasses and a back brace and jumps Anderson.  Anderson is thrown in and I guess now the match REALLY begins.  Sting nails Anderson who gets rammed into the cage.

All Immortal here and Flair goes after a cameraman.  Ray wants to get the paint off Sting’s face.  Hardy gets two on Sting.  Ok, so now we’re going into tagging mode.  Uh…so why didn’t we do that in the first ten minutes?  Matt vs. Sting officially starts us I guess.  Sting hammers away but his knee is gone.  Off to Abyss with Ray shouting KILL HIM!  Off to Ray now as he and Abyss are in at the same time.

Sting avoids them and has them clothesline each other then clotheslines both of them to bring in Van Dam.  Anderson is down in a neutral corner.  Top rope kick looks to set up the Frog Splash but Anderson shoves him off and the Bubba Bomb ends Van Dam at 13:00.  Anderson bails as the beating continues on Sting and Van Dam.

Rating: C-. This was about what you expected.  The cage is there to preview Lockdown I guess but this wasn’t much of a match but rather an extended beatdown.  Not terrible, but kind of paint by numbers and nothing out of the ordinary.  That’s what the post match stuff is for, which we’ll get to now.

The beating continues but Fourtune hits the ring for the save.  Flair locks everyone in and Immortal takes over.  Kaz is busted open as there are a lot of chains in there for some reason.  Did Orlando visit the cage earlier?  With the beating continuing even longer, a bald man climbs the side of the cage.  It’s the returning CHRISTOPHER DANIELS who dives on Immortal and clears the cage as we take a break.

We get a quick recap of the match and post match stuff we just saw including Daniels with a big dive that looks pretty cool.

Flair rants about who Daniels is and Abyss says it’s AJ’s best friend.  Flair looks like the grandfather in a Shirley Temple movie.  Ray rants about how awesome the blood was.

Daniels, looking like he’s wearing eyeliner, says that it’s time to be back.  He says he’ll have Ray’s blood on his hands at Lockdown.  Kaz says he’s willing to bleed.  Apparently Daniels is the fourth man at Lockdown.  If AJ is out that’s as good a replacement as they can get I think so I can’t complain here.  Storm rants about how awesome Fourtune is and Daniels says TNA was built on blood.

Sting says that was just a warmup.  At Lockdown it’s SHOWTIME!

Anderson leaves with no comment.  Oh ok he just makes them in another room.  He’s mad about getting screwed over and Ran Dam jumps him.  Van Dam says thanks for tonight and leaves Anderson laying.  Anderson curses a lot as we go off the air.

Overall Rating: C. This wasn’t too bad but nothing that stood out here.  This was kind of a filler show to get to Lockdown but it was passable.  The cage match seemed a bit unnecessary but it served its purpose.  It’s got me wondering who is going to turn at Lockdown but I have a feeling it’s going to be the one that is least expected.  Also I’ve never been a fan of Daniels but if they need someone to fill in for Styles at the PPV he’s a nice surprise for a replacement.  Anyway not a bad show tonight but nothing worth going out of your way to see.

Results

Scott Steiner b. Shannon Moore – Frankensteiner

Max Buck b. Jeremy Buck – Flipping Cutter off the top

Winter b. Velvet Sky – Choke

Kurt Angle b. Rob Terry – Ankle Lock

Bully Ray/Matt Hardy/Abyss b. Sting/Mr. Anderson/Rob Van Dam – Bubba Bomb to Van Dam

Impact
Date: March 3, 2011
Location: Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re finally to the big night for TNA where we’re out of the Impact Zone for the first time in years.  Tonight we have the revelation of the 3-3-11 video (I wonder if the fans there will be confused by it as the show was taped while Impact was aired last week), the final verdict in the Dixie vs. Hogan court case and the renewal of the wedding vows of the Jarretts.  Let’s get to it.

We open with Dixie looking very sad.  After thanking the fans for their support, she says things didn’t go the way she planned in the court case and here’s Immortal.  Bischoff more or less says hit the bricks but that he respects her.  He says she has a massive set of guts for being a woman in a man’s sport.  Flair says that if she had slept with him back in Orlando none of this would have happened.  He says it’s about money and power and whoever has the most wins.  Here’s Hulk for the first time in I think 14 weeks?

Hogan says he was in court earlier today and he now controls all of TNA.  Ok so now can we do something other than a power struggle?  Dixie gets fired to no one’s shock.  The place looks far better than the Impact Zone.  Dixie starts crying as Hulk says he and Eric used her to get back on top of the wrestling business.  She supplies the money and that’s it apparently.  So what was the point in firing her then?  Hogan does a freaky country accent when he says he’s about to take her dignity.

Dixie tries to say that the fans can do something about this which isn’t really clear.  After Hogan earlier said she was fired, Hogan says it’s him and her running TNA now.  Cue Fourtune with AJ saying they like doing it the hard way.  He says there’s a woman in the ring and she brought them there.  The arena looks kind of like the final days of Nitro but with the tron videos instead of the WCW logo on the big screen.

Roode says Hogan was his idol but now he’s let Roode down.  Flair says he and Hogan are friends but Roode cuts him off.  Flair keeps talking anyway.  Fourtune storms the ring but security stops them as we go to a break.

Back with Immortal celebrating in the back and Hogan introduces them to Bart Scott, a member of the New York Jets.  Scott and Matt go somewhere.  Neither of the Jeffs have been seen so far.  Matt and Bart run into Dixie who is with Fourtune and they shout stuff at her while Dixie runs.  Kaz and AJ get in a fight with them as I guess Immortal went somewhere else.  Security breaks it up.  While this is going on the Jarretts show up and walk between the brawling guys.

Here’s a video recapping the Jarretts vs. Angle which is finally done tonight.  Tonight Kurt walks Karen down the aisle for the renewal of the Jarretts’ wedding vows.

Back with Bischoff telling Hogan that Jeff Hardy has to defend the title tonight but the network won’t tell him the opponent.  Hogan says they’ll be ready.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Gunner/Murphy

Amazing how much better Gunner and Murphy look in actual tights.  I actually buy them as challengers….kind of.  Storm has the stupid Boozer Cruiser back again.  The ring looks smaller than usual.  Gunner/Murphy jump the champions to start but Storm fights out of it and hits a Codebreaker to I think Gunner.  Off to Roode who gets a nice pop.  He cleans house as this arena looks and feels a lot better than the Impact Zone already.  Spinebuster gets two on Gunner but Murphy kicks Roode’s head off.  After some heel miscommunication, Beer Money hits DWI on Gunner to end this at 3:07.

Rating: C-. Well Gunner and Murphy didn’t look quite like jobbers here.  They looked even lower than that somehow.  This was just a workout for Beer Money as no one bought Gunner/Murphy as legit challengers.  This was no challenge at all with no drama.  Pretty weak match but at least the champions looked strong.

Ink Inc comes out post match and say they want a title match.  Moore says DILLIGAF means do I look like I give a, and here he throws it to the crowd, and it’s censored.  That was a bit odd but whatever.  Beer Money accepts the challenge and apparently it’s at the PPV.

The Jarretts are ready and Young pops up in a tuxedo t-shirt and wants to be the best man.  He’s turned down and wants to be the maid of honor, flower girl or ring bearer.  Apparently the last one is accepted.

Some Jersey Shore chick is here.

Kurt is here with his son.

Sarita vs. Velvet Sky

I’m pretty sure Sarita swore she would be here alone but Rosita is there too.  If Velvet loses she’s gone.  No sexy entrance for the Beautiful People to lower this match already.  Velvet pulls Sarita by the hair and takes her down with a clothesline.  Belly to back is reversed by Sky for two.  Dropkick by Saita misses and Velvet gets an armdrag.  Rosita tries to come in and Angelina makes the save.  They both get thrown out and it’s one on one.

Sarita takes over with some knees to the back and then dances a bit.  After Tenay plugs a new Spike TV show, Sarita tries a Pedigree or something like one but Velvet reversed into a DDT for the pin at 2:00.  No rating due to the shortness but at least that ends it clean once and for all.

Post match Cookie and Robbie E come out with the other Jersey Shore chick: Angelina.  This is about J-Woww, the other Jersey Short chick that was here.  Jersey Angelina says she wants J-Woww there and wants the Beautiful People to tell her.  Velvet says do it yourself and turns to leave.  Catfight of course breaks out and Sarita helps in the beatdown.  Angelina Love says there will be a six way next week, so the Jersey Shore chick is fighting.  No clue if the Beautiful People will have J-Woww or likely Winter with them.

Back with Anderson saying he’ll get his title back and that he is ratings.  He sounds very, very drunk.

Eric says that he’s the ring bearer and Orlando is flower girl.  Eric says that Jordan stole Karen’s ring which is in his nose.  The ring is actually in Eric’s shoe.  Uh…yeah.

Jeff Jarrett is in the bathroom getting ready and they have a ten foot tall wedding cake.  Flair comes in to talk about the honeymoon.  Jeff has a big honeymoon plan and they’re going to Orlando to take the family to the Harry Potter park.  I want to go!  Flair says he’s an idiot.

Kurt is taping his fists and his son leaves with a production guy.  The wedding is next.

Back with Hogan talking on the phone to someone in Paris.  I think it’s the network people.  Yeah it is as Hogan is complaining about not knowing the opponent as he wants Anderson.  Hogan says he doesn’t like the idea of surprises = ratings.  He agrees to whatever the network guy says and hangs up, clearly annoyed.

Time for the wedding.  Eric Young is the ring bearer and Orlando Jordan is the flower girl.  Jeff comes out thankfully not to his theme music.  Tazz keeps calling Karen by the name Karen Angle.  And of course here’s Kurt and the brawl is on.  Jeff almost goes into the definitely not ten foot cake.  Kurt hits a clothesline and here’s Karen.  She slaps Kurt and goes into the cake.  Angle’s music plays it out.  This whole thing might have lasted two and a half minutes.

Hogan is in the back with Jeff Hardy and Hogan says no more ladder matches.  That’s something they can control.  What they can’t control is that Jeff is labeled as a fighting champion and he has to fight tonight.  Jeff doesn’t like not knowing his opponent.  Hogan blames the ratings for the problem.  He says Jeff is like a son to him and gives him a pep talk.  Jeff says he’ll do it and we go to a break.

The Jarretts are all ticked off and yell at Flair and Bischoff.  Even Flair is scared of her.  Eric says the wedding will still take place while Karen screams.  Hogan pops up and asks if Eric knows who’s coming from the Network but they might have an idea.  They don’t say a name though.  Flair is sent to take care of the wedding thing.

Rob Terry vs. Scott Steiner

Oh this could be bad.  During Terry’s entrance we get a clip of him jumping Steiner last week during the posedown.  Scott dominates to start and sends Terry to the floor.  Steiner goes into the post with both his face and his back.  Powerslam by Terry gets two.  Steiner gets a boot up and a belly to belly to set up a Downward Spiral.  Steiner Line puts him down again.  There’s the elbow and the pushups.  Angle Slam from the middle rope sets up the Recliner and it’s over at 3:15.

Rating: C. Considering who was in here this was a near miracle.  Steiner more or less did a greatest hits collection here minus the Frankensteiner.  That’s probably the best thing they could do as Steiner is the far more talented guy out there.  Not nearly as terrible as it could have been but that’s because they kept it short.

Flair and Bart Scott go up to Angle in the locker room and apparently Bart is going to be the enforcer for the wedding.

Some MMA guy (I don’t follow MMA so I only vaguely know what Bellator is) is here for commentary on this match.

Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

Hernandez jumps him quickly but Morgan takes him down.  The MMA guy has energy if nothing else.  I don’t have a problem with guest commentators that aren’t wrestling guys as long as they sound like they want to be there, which he does.  Hernandez tries to leave so Morgan grabs him and brings him back in.

Hernandez blocks a side slam and tries the shirt throw.  Morgan blocks and Hernandez goes flying.  That looked great.  Hernandez takes a clothesline to take him to the floor.  Out to the floor and Hernandez suckers him into the stairs to take over.  Morgan gets rammed in again and again and Hebner throws it out at 4:30 for the longest match of the night so far.

Rating: D. Weak match here that really didn’t solve anything.  They’ll keep feuding and likely have the match at Victory Road.  Not interesting in the slightest and it was sloppy on top of that.  Also that commentator was trying but he was out of his element, which is understandable.

Hogan more or less cuts a promo on some guy on the phone, demanding to know the opponent.  Anderson comes in and is told he doesn’t get his shot again.  Hogan is upset about not knowing what happens to Immortal after this.  Anderson doesn’t seem to care.  Hogan has to stop to put on a back brace.  That’s like the ending to a bad joke.   Anderson says Hogan disgusts him now.  Hogan says let him know when he slams a 700lb giant.  Good line.

Now we get a preview for the new Spike show.

Time for wedding #2.  Young it still wedding bearer and Jordan is still flower girl.  Jeff doesn’t have a coat on this time.  Kurt walks Karen down the aisle.  He’s smiling and Karen seems to still have cake on her face.  Kurt is all happy here and it’s rather amusing.  No Bart Scott in sight.  The fans boo at the or forever hold your piece line.  They both say I will and all that jazz.  The minister asks the fans if they’ll support the Jarretts.  Take a guess how that goes over.

Now we get to hear CUSTOM vows.  We’ve had a combined 12 minutes of wrestling and we’re getting custom vows.  Wow indeed.  Jeff says he’s long winded and would be nervous so he wrote his out.  He runs down Kurt the whole time and Kurt just keeps smiling away.  He’s looking over Jeff’s shoulder and it’s rather creepy.  Karen is the wind beneath his wings.

Karen says Jeff is a real man and the princess is taken care of.  Oh and Kurt didn’t screw her enough apparently.  Jeff completes her.  The minister announces them as husband and wife through the power vested in him by the department of motor vehicles.  The unintentional comedy is helping here.  They actually get through the kissing of the bride, so Kurt busts out an axe and starts hacking the set to pieces, all with that creepy grin on his face.  That was kind of awesome.

Bischoff sends out Bart Scott.  Yes send your celebrity out to the CRAZY MAN WITH AN AXE!  Surprisingly enough they go at it and Kurt grabs the ankle lock and cranks on it.  Didn’t expect that.  Segment went WAY too long but the ending helped it a lot.

Hardy says he’s ready.

Some feet get out of a limo.  Yeah that hasn’t been done recently either.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. ???

Ok so this is the announcement that’s going to CHANGE WRESTLING FOREVER!  It’s 11pm and the opponent is…..Sting.  HAHA WWE couldn’t do it so TNA can.  Yes Eric you’re very cute.  Sting is winning the title tonight isn’t he?  And Sting is in sequins.  There’s red in his paint though so I guess this is a bit different now?  He has red sequins on his legs and crotch but points for the actual ring jacket/robe instead of a big trenchcoat.

Taz flat out says this was about where Sting would wind up so yes this is yet again shifting the entire main event around for a shot at WWE.  Sting goes right for him and Hardy bails.  Back in and Hardy beats Sting down with three shots.  COME ON HERO (ten points to whoever knows what I’m referencing).  Hardy can’t get a suplex and there’s the Scorpion already but Jeff is on his hands.  Sting looks like he’s ordering dinner.

A rope is grabbed and we head to the aisle.  Suplex by Sting on the ramp as it’s more or less all Sting here.  Sting (of course) misses the splash on the railing and we hit the chinlock back in the ring.  That gets him nowhere as Sting thumps his chest and hits the Scorpion Death Drop for two.  Whisper in the Wind is crotched and Sting gets another Death Drop from the ropes.  Another gets the pin and the title at 6:15 for the longest match of the night by far.

Rating: C-. So let me get this straight.  Anderson had a rematch clause, won a #1 contender’s match last week, and Sting wins the title here, likely owing Jeff a rematch now?  In other words, we now have no reason to ever buy a #1 contender match again right?  The surprise is good and the match was just a main event WWE style brawl from the late 90s.  It wasn’t terrible but the booking is a BIG question mark for me.  Not terrible though.

Big celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Well this one was hard.  There were good and bad things here for sure.  First of all, the arena looked great and there’s definitely an energy about being out of the Impact Zone.  A lot of stuff was taken care of tonight and we moved forward on some stuff.  The bad stuff however though was there too and I think was more prevalent.

First of all, the wedding was way too long and ate up too much time.  Coupling that with about 20 minutes of wrestling, this was another talking heavy show which is getting old.  I’m getting fed up with a bunch of 3 minute matches and a ten minute main event.  Also the Sting title win makes the whole main event scene all turned around again, but it does set up Victory Road…kind of.  Either way, this wasn’t bad and was definitely better than Raw this week.

Results

Beer Money b. Gunner/Murphy – DWI to Gunner

Velvet Sky b. Sarita – DDT

Scott Steiner b. Rob Terry – Steiner Recliner

Matt Morgan b. Hernandez via DQ when Hernandez rammed Morgan into the stairs multiple times

Sting b. Jeff Hardy – Scorpion Death Drop