Impact Wrestling
Date: October 30, 2025
Hosts: Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy

Hopefully they have something fresh around here, as we’re now coming up on an entire month since Bound For Glory. If would be nice to get some actual build towards something new, as you can only recap so much from the pay per view until it loses any impact it might have. Let’s get to it.

The opening sequence shows….that it’s a Very Hardy Halloween. Oh boy.

The Broken Hardys welcome us to the show and say that tonight we’re going to see the goings on at the Hardy Compound over the years, starting with the Final Deletion.

From July 5, 2016.

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy

This is outside and in the dark in somewhat rickety looking ring. Before the match, Matt tells the referee (who he makes sure is licensed) to count the pin or call the submission. Matt plays the violin (given to him by Antonio Stradivari, who died in 1737) to summon the enigma. Jeff rides up and Matt tells him to prepare for his deletion. We come back from a break where the gardener reads us a statement saying not to try this. It’s in Spanish but it’s a nice gesture.

They trade punches to start and the longest stretch without the camera cutting is about four seconds. Jeff superplexes Matt (slow motion) and gets two off a splash before pulling out what appear to be shutters covered in ivy. Matt goes through those for two as we have music playing instead of commentary. Matt takes over with a kendo stick to the back as this is only a match in the loosest of terms.

We’ve got a ladder less than two minutes in with Jeff being knocked back into the corner and choked with the rungs (Matt: “DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!”). The Side Effect onto the ladder is countered and Jeff hits a Twist of Fate before taking his shirt off. The Swanton gets two and Jeff puts the ladder on the middle rope. That’s not enough though as he climbs into a tree (yes a tree) and dives off, hitting only the ladder on the way down. That only gets two so Matt hits him with a chair and pulls out a firework cannon to shoot at Jeff, who blocks it with a trashcan lid.

Since that didn’t work, Matt pulls out a rake and calls for Brother Nero. Jeff has his own fireworks to shoot at Matt, who hides behind a metal boat as the music switches from something resembling classical to rock. Jeff turns the boat over but gets caught in a sleeper because after fireworks, of course you use wrestling moves. They fall into the water and Jeff disappears with Matt saying he’s been flushed. Jeff pops out of the water in full Willow gear and chokes Matt with the umbrella until the gardener comes up with a stun gun to knock Jeff out for the pin at 7:27.

Actually not so fast as Matt takes the mask off and it’s….the gardener. Jeff pops back up and knocks Matt into a dirt pit for more choking but lets go when he sees a massive Hardy logo. Jeff climbs onto that as we go to a Wyatt style montage of the birthday party. Reby hands Matt a candle and he sets the symbol on fire to knock Jeff off for the pin at 9:36.

Rating: N/A. No rating since this had nothing to do with wrestling and was heavily edited throughout. Normally I would explain something stupid here but do I really need to? This was Matt and Jeff shouting LOOK AT OUR BRILLIANCE and Dixie being stupid enough to let them do whatever they wanted. Words don’t describe this one well enough but I hope Matt and Jeff financed this themselves because TNA is broke enough that they can barely afford to pay their production staff but they can have this…..thing which probably cost a small fortune.

The Hardys talk about what happened when they fought. Then it was time to fight someone else though, so it’s off to Delete Or Decay.

From September 8, 2016.

It’s time for Final Deletion II. Decay goes after Senor Benjamin but he turns a shovel around to show the word DELETE. We cut to Decay arriving at the house, which Rosemary calls home sweet home. They look through the window to see Reby holding Maxel but here’s Matt, who KNEW THEY WOULD COME.

Back from a break and it’s time for the showdown with the Hardys (the three adults) holding up their fireworks. Abyss: “THIS IS NOT BEAUTIFUL!” Hang on because there are going to be a lot of very quick cuts in this thing. The Hardys chase them off with the fireworks and a ladder is knocked over. It’s really hard to see what’s going on here but for some reason fireworks are being shot horizontally at Decay but a camera cut shows them exploding in the air.

Matt sends Reby back to the house as Decay hides behind ye olde dilapidated boat. Abyss tells someone to get to the house and Jeff dropkicks the boat into the water. Cue Senor Benjamin to say Matt needs the boat. Jeff disappears and Benjamin starts pulling the boat but Joseph Park walks out of the water. Park: “Brother Benjamin! I loved you in Final Deletion!” Benjamin tases Park and puts him in a conveniently placed bulldozer.

It’s off to Steve, who tries to send Jeff face first into a fire inside a big tire. That earns Steve a sitout gordbuster into a pool and they fight underwater. Matt is walking through smoke and calling for Rosemary as Benjamin dumps Park (presumably) into a grave. Jeff chokes Steve out under the water and sits on the side of the pool, only to be pulled back in ala the end of Friday the 13th.

Back to Benjamin who laughs at the grave but Abyss pops out to choke him. Steve and Jeff fight over a pool toy but it’s back to Abyss going after Matt and pulling out Janice. Jeff takes the shot to the ribs for his brother but here’s Vanguard I to launch rockets at Decay. The Hardy symbol in the grass is lit on fire with Steve inside.

We cut back to the house where Rosemary has Maxel. Vanguard I tells her to put him down so she blows mist at the drone to knock it offline. Maxel escaped somewhere in there and here’s Matt to say Rosemary has crossed a line. She mists him but he sucks it into his mouth and spits it back at her. Maxel staggers over to Matt as Reby reappears. The family is reunited but we cut back to Jeff who is laying on the ground in agony. Steve laughs at the fallen Benjamin and a car, I guess containing Decay, leaves to end the match at around 17:00.

So yeah, the Final Deletion is basically Sharknado. It was a lot of fun the first time because it was just so stupid but the second version is really just a bigger budget version where you expect the same stuff over and over again. Other than the random Joseph Park cameo (really funny), this was a lot of the same bits that they did the first time but without the “what am I watching” reactions. I had fun with it and all but I really don’t need to see this again unless they come up with something fresh next time. It also doesn’t help that this set up (in theory) a regular tag match at Bound For Glory. Isn’t that kind of backwards?

The Hardys talk about how awesome that was and now it’s time to crank it up again, with Tag Team Apocalypto.

From December 15, 2016.

Tag Team Titles: Tag Team Apocalypto

The Hardys are defending and this is under elimination rules with eliminations coming via pinfall or submission. The match starts in the arena so we get to see who is in at the start. Here’s the lineup:

Hardys, Helms Dynasty, Rock N Roll Express, Decay

That’s it for now as smoke fills the arena and everyone has to evacuate the building. We see Lashley and Edwards still fighting before cutting back to the teams. Everything goes insane and the teams are outside with firework guns. Abyss: “NO! NOT AGAIN!” The fireworks going into the air and Helms tells his boys to get out. Matt appears in the back of their truck and attacks Lee so Jeff tells the referee to get on the back of his motorcycle to chase after them.

A bunch of teams are at the entrance to the Compound and Decay lets them in because this is going to be beautiful. Matt throws Everett into the Cameron City Limits sign for two (yes there are counts in this) with Helms making the save. It’s a huge fight as some of the teams get in, though none of them are introduced. Crazzy Steve snaps one of their necks for a pin on someone never identified.

Another team is allowed in as Spud is shown waiting on his partner. The Bravado Brothers (Harlem and Lance) show up as the Dynasty and Hardys fight in front of an antique store. Where did the Express go? Back at the entrance, a team called the Ugly Ducklings (maybe) enter and are eliminated in just a few seconds via Abyss’ chokeslam.

The Hardys and Dynasty keep fighting as Abyss beats up a team called Showtime. The Bravado Brothers sneak in as Showtime is quickly dispatched by way or a rock to the head. I’m almost certain we’re not supposed to know who any of those teams were though it’s not like we got a good shot at almost any of their faces. Spud’s partner finally arrives and we take a break.

Back with Spud’s partner being revealed as……Hornswoggle. Decay lets them pass so we cut back to the brawl taking place by the Lake of Reincarnation. A jumping knee to Jeff’s face gets two as Matt makes the save by moving the boat with his mind. The Dynasty starts stomping on the boat until Jeff makes the save with a double noggin knocker.

Matt shoves Helms into the Lake and it’s time for a 3 Count reunion, by which I mean Shane being part of 3 Count and yelling that Everett and Lee are no Evan Karagias and Shannon Moore. They superkick Helms into the Lake as the Bravados show up to roll them up for two each. The Express are in another ring (four sided this time) nearby and call the Hardys in for a fight.

This goes as well as it’s going to go in 2016 but now we cut back to Edwards and Lashley because that’s still going. Wait now it’s back to the Dynasty vs. the Bravados with the referee coming out of a portable toilet to do his job. Everett hits a standing moonsault onto I believe Lance, leaving Harlem to be sent into a wall. They head inside the arena to keep brawling as we cut back to the other ring. Ricky and Jeff are in the kind of machines used to get people to the top of telephone poles and it’s time for another break.

Back with the cranes coming together so Ricky can work on the arm. The volcano is going off in the background as Robert works on a spinning toehold. Matt grabs one of the crane’s controls to send Morton flying through the air. We go back to the other arena where Everett is covered for two. We’re back to the cranes though with Jeff Swantoning out and missing Robert, only to have Matt hit a Twist of Fate to get rid of the Express.

So I believe we’re down to Decay, Spud/Hornswoggle, the Bravados and the Dynasty, assuming no one else arrives. Back in the other arena, Spud and Hornswoggle go after the two downed teams with Hornswoggle swinging a chair. Spud eliminates the Bravados but gets powerbombed by Hornswoggle, setting up the Tadpole Splash. Everett pins Spud to get rid of another team.

Back to Lashley choking Edwards with a cord of some kind as Morton is still stuck on the crane, demanding to be let down. Road Warrior Animal of all people is here, asking how Morton got stuck up there. Decay finds James Storm in a mask but multiple other DCC members show up. One of them takes off his mask and Storm has no idea who it is. Whoever it is gets knocked out with Abyss getting the pin, which eliminates the entire DCC. Storm gets in a superkick for good measure. Steve wants to go add to this pile of bones and we take another break.

We come back again with the Hardys and Decay fighting near the volcano and Lashley and Edwards fighting nearby. The volcano erupts violently and we’ve got the Hurricane rising from the Lake. That means it’s time for breaking news with news anchor Gilbert Corsey saying Cameron North Carolina’s fate is in the Hardys’ hands.

Back to the outside ring with Decay and the Dynasty each picking a Hardy to beat on. Matt is taken to a graveyard of Hardy logos as Jeff fights back on Decay. Janice is brought in and Jeff’s comeback is cut off by a low blow. Vanguard I comes in and that means another fireworks war. Abyss takes one to the eye and Vanguard celebrates.

To the other teams as Hurricane saves Matt from a shovel to the head. Apparently the Dynasty is broken and a double pin (Can Hurricane do that?) gets rid of Everett and Lee. Matt and Hurricane bury them, which Matt says would make even the man with three H’s proud. Lashley throws Eddie onto the house’s porch and then no sells a Hornswoggle spear.

Abyss is back up but a huge Hardy symbol catches on fire around him. A lot of brawling ends with Abyss taking Matt back into the ring. Matt gets Janice though and a shot to the ribs (with some quick edits) means Matt can make his weird noises. Steve and Jeff fight near the volcano with a Twisting Stunner sending Steve into the mouth. A big explosion sends Steve’s charred body flying into the ring so Matt can get the pin to retain at 44:10.

Rating: N/A. You think I have any idea hot to rate this? As I’ve said many times, I rate wrestling, not a bunch of people running around a big field with a few wrestling rings involved. I know there’s an audience for this and I was excited about what it might be, but you knew they were over hyping this to death.

All that talk about teams breaking contracts and such to show up turned out to be the nonsense that it was expected to be, leaving us with a joke like the Rock N Roll Express, an indy team in the Bravados, Spud and Hornswoggle as another joke (I think?) and three TNA teams. Oh and the jobbers. Don’t forget the jobbers.

No one really bought that any WWE names were going to show up here and the match was a big mess of standing around waiting for the bigger names to show up. The big moment here (I guess) was the Hurricane return and that’s really nothing special. If you knew you weren’t going to be able to get anyone here (Young Bucks? Maybe?), don’t hype it up like it’s a done deal. No they never said it, but if it’s nothing outlandish, mentioning a name in wrestling means THEY’RE GOING TO SHOW UP.

I was really, really disappointed in this as I bought into the hype of the whole thing. But, of course, TNA manages to let me down and thinks that I’m going to be entertained by a joke about HHH burying people when the Hardys (combined age of 81) just beat almost the entire tag team division in less than an hour. There was no big moment, there was no big surprise and there was no big difference between this and the rest of the Hardy specials.

Oh and for a bonus: Reby reveals that she’s pregnant and pyro goes off.

From December 15, 2016.

We go to the Dome of Deletion, a mini arena set up with a live crowd, a ring and an entrance shaped like Matt’s open mouth. The Hardys come out with Matt promising fifty of his followers appearing tonight. If they don’t prove their greatness tonight, the Seven Deities will remove the powers of deletion.

Cue Rockstar Spud to say he’s sick of all this, including King Maxel. The infant gets a chant so Spud wants to be his first opponent because the kid hasn’t had a match yet and he’s more over than Spud has ever been. Spud promises to stretch Maxel and make him a loser like his father. Matt actually sanctions the match and makes it No DQ.

King Maxel vs. Rockstar Spud

Maxel drives to the ring in a mini Mercedes because of course he does. The bell rings, Benjamin tases Spud and Maxel gets the pin in 19 seconds. Cool moment, though Kevin Owens basically did the same thing in PWG a few years back.

The Hardys don’t like that the Nemeths came to the Hardy Compound and escaped. That must be revisited.

From April 24, 2025.

The Nemeth’s go to the Hardy Compound and see Willow (with umbrella) waiting for them. Back from a break (because this needs to go longer), the Nemeth’s are in the compound and Willow starts dancing. Then a light flashes and Willow disappears, leaving his umbrella behind. Jeff Hardy jumps Nic and sends him into a tree before beating on him with an umbrella.

They fight into the back of a truck and Jeff is backdropped off the top of said truck and through some well placed tables. Nic goes into the truck and finds a suitcase, with one of the title belts inside. In a case of what is likely breaking and entering, Nic goes into the house and we cut to Ryan getting jumped by Matt Hardy. As Nic wanders through the arcade, he finds a collection of titles and steals the other TNA tag team title, replacing it with a weight.

Matt has a pre-mo-neetion and spears Ryan into a pool. Then Ryan shows up in the arcade, where Senor Benjamin gives him a ticket. Ryan walks in, where Matt’s kids are sitting in chairs and eating popcorn. Benjamin sits down in one of the chairs next to Ryan and we see a silent movie about Maxel (Matt’s son) beating Ryan.

Then Ryan wakes up on a psychiatrist’s couch, with Maxel taking notes. Ryan talks about the issues that came with Nic’s suspension and all of the pressure on him. Then Ryan walks up to Reby playing the piano with her daughter by her side. Ryan and the daughter argue over the Nemeth’s wanting the Tag Team Titles. Then a bird appears and Ryan is now a goth and doing standup with one of Matt’s other sons.

The son asks if Ryan wants to hear a joke. Ryan: “Sure.” Matt’s son: “Your career.” Then Matt pulls Ryan out of the pool but stops to chase Nic, with the Tag Team Titles. One of Matt’s sons grabs Nic and gets shoved down, triggering a fight with Matt. Broken Jeff appears as the Nemeth’s escape with the titles. Counting a commercial, this was about twenty minutes. Because TNA hates us.

And one more, as the System visits the Hardy Compound.

From June 13, 2024.

The System looks for a way into the Hardy Compound. Post break, they find their way to the back, where Matt Hardy meets them from a balcony. His family, including Senior Benjamin, are waiting for him. Moose walks into a trap, which sets off a bunch of fireworks, while Brian Myers is confused by a Curt Hawkins figure. He goes into Matt’s arcade and finds more figures, as planed by one of Matt’s sons. Then Myers is scared by moments from his past, including a pair of Edge tights and discussions of his losing streaks.

We cut over to Eddie Edwards being stalked by another of Matt’s sons and then turning into the American Wolf (as in a werewolf). We cut to Alisha Edwards slowly walking through the house as Reby Hardy plays piano. Then Reby’s daughter uses magic to send things flying at Alisha.

We cut to another of Matt’s kids guiding Moose to Matt. This includes a stop at Senor Benjamin’s house, where he watches previous Broken Matt exploits. Matt pops up and attacks Moose, including putting him in a wheelchair. We cut to Reby seemingly beheading Alisha with a guillotine and then cut back to Matt sending Moose into the Lake Of Reincarnation. Moose comes out in football gear but Vanguard 1 shows up for a distraction, allowing Matt to hit a Twist of Fate. The System bails while still making threats.

This stuff was funny at one point but then it became the same jokes over and over again, as the Hardys are weird and their kids are creepy. It really feels like Matt is the only one who wants to do this and that doesn’t make for a good show over and over. This just kept going and was more about references from other promotions, which don’t make me want to see the matches on Friday, but rather just getting rid of Hardy in general. Not good here, though I’m sure it still has something of an audience.

The Hardys wrap it up, with Matt pre-mo-nating the biggest battle ever next year.

Overall Rating: C. Ok so as you can probably guess, this is absolutely not my thing. I get why they went with this for the Halloween show, but my goodness the charm here ran out very quickly. It’s a total detour for a special night, but at the same time, they absolutely need to get SOMETHING related to their major stories.

Every bit of momentum that they had from Bound For Glory is gone and it gets worse each week. Just have people cut promos or something and set something up. That really shouldn’t be too much to ask, but instead we’re flashing back nine years to people who have nothing to do with what is going on here. This was a totally wasted week and it was little more than something to completely skip.

Results
Matt Hardy b. Jeff Hardy – Jeff feel off the Hardy symbol
Hardys won Tag Team Apocalypto
King Maxel b. Rockstar Spud – Pin after a taser shock

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

More Awesome Battle Royals
Commentators: Michael Cole, The Miz, Antonio Cesaro, Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, Kaitlyn, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield, Gorilla Monsoon, Lord Alfred Hayes, Chris Cruise, Larry Zbyszko, Roddy Piper, Jim Ross, Les Thatcher

See there are battle royals, and then there are awesome battle royals, but these are the battle royals that were awesome, but not quite awesome enough to make the original batch. Yeah there isn’t much to say about a set like this, but that’s the case with most battle royals. I have no idea what they can do to fill in nearly two more hours of this stuff but let’s get to it.

From Main Event, December 26, 2012.

Battle Royal

Brodus Clay, Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow, Darren Young, Drew McIntyre, Epico, Great Khali, Jey Uso, Jimmy Uso, Jinder Mahal, Justin Gabriel, Primo, Santino Marella, Ted DiBiase Jr., Titus O’Neil, Tyson Kidd, Wade Barrett, William Regal, Yoshi Tatsu, Zack Ryder

For a future US Title shot against Antonio Cesaro, on commentary. A bunch of people go after Khali to start so he tosses Tatsu without much trouble. Primo is tossed as commentary discusses battle royal strategy. The Prime Time Players go after Khali, which goes as well as you would expect. Cesaro and Miz argue about their accomplishments, with Miz listing off his rather impressive resume, which would only get bigger.

Things slow WAY down until McIntyre (a good 40lbs lighter than he would later become) is out, but he pulls Kidd out as well. Gabriel and Mahal are out too, triggering a brawl at ringside and a likely tag match. We take a break and come back with Jey Uso being tossed and Regal going out after him. Marella tries to hammer on Epico in the corner but gets sent to the apron. That just lets Marella skin the cat and pull Epico out, leaving Clay and Khali to slug it out. Khali kicks him in the head and tosses him out. Some big chops have O’Neil in trouble and Jimmy Uso is out as well.

More chops have more people in quite the agony as we take another break. We come back with the Prime Time Players circling Khali and they get him on the mat, which is a rather dumb idea in a battle royal, with Cesaro pointing out the idiocy. The Players finally annoy Khali too much so he dumps both of them, plus Rhodes (with a nasty chop) and Sandow.

We’re down to Marella, Ryder, Barrett and Khali, with Marella hitting the Cobra on Barrett. Ryder goes after Barrett but Marella tosses Ryder out. Barrett gets rid of Marella, leaving Barrett and Khali. A big boot puts Khali down and Barrett hammers away but Khali shrugs that and chops him out for the win at 18:16.

Rating: C+. Khali was oddly motivated here and put in more effort than I’ve seen from him…maybe ever really. I love seeing this kind of thing as it’s such a nothing, random battle royal that it made me wonder who was going to win. That’s a nice feeling to have and it didn’t feel anywhere near as long as it came off. Nice job.

From Saturday Night’s Main Event XXIX.

Battle Royal

Hulk Hogan, Jake Roberts, Tanaka, Shawn Michaels, Kato, Earthquake, Jimmy Snuka, Marty Jannetty, Warlord, Mr. Perfect, Haku, Greg Valentine, Tugboat, Jim Duggan, British Bulldog, Hercules, Paul Roma, Big Boss Man, Texas Tornado, Barbarian

It’s a brawl to start with Hogan choking Earthquake in the corner, with Roberts helping him out. Jannetty gets rid of Roman, who knocks Jannetty out as well. We settle down to a bunch of slow fighting, with Perfect being brave enough to go to the middle rope for a right hand to Boss Man. Hogan and Valentine take turns elbowing Perfect in the head as Bulldog is tossed out.

Kato is sent out and Roberts follows him, only to get the snake out and basically bring the match to a screeching halt. We take a break and come back with Tugboat and Hogan slugging out it, which is broken up by Warlord, earning him some praise from fans everywhere. Hogan dumps Warlord and Tornado is tossed as well. Earthquake gets rid of Duggan but gets tossed by Hogan. Kato is eliminated but Tugboat gets rid of Hogan in a surprise.

Hercules and Tugboat are tossed as well and it’s suddenly a midcard match. Boss Man slugs away at Perfect, who dropkicks him into a backdrop from Barbarian for the elimination. Michaels dropkicks Haku out and we’re down to Michaels, Perfect, Valentine and Barbarian. A dropkick staggers Perfect but Michaels is sent out, leaving us with three. Valentine manages to get rid of Barbarian and gives Perfect a heck of a chop. Some elbows let Valentine send Perfect to the apron but Perfect sends him out for the win at 12:31.

Rating: C. As was the case with the other Saturday Night’s Main Event battle royal, the match just DIES when Hogan is eliminated. It doesn’t help that Hogan was eliminated by Tugboat of all people, as that made for a rather pathetic moment. Perfect winning is fine, but this was disappointing to say the least.

From Monday Night Raw, April 22, 2013.

Divas Battle Royal

AJ Lee, Aksana, Naomi, Tamina Snuka, Layla

Yeah five women for a future Divas Title shot. AJ jumps into Tamina’s arms to start and gets kicked in the face for her efforts. Layla (who should be the crowd favorite as we’re in England but receives no reaction because…well look at the match) kicks Aksana out and Naomi/Layla hip attack Tamina. Naomi is out as Kaitlyn jokes about Layla’s gear being flag themed, with Cole trying to avoid various commentary. Layla kicks Tamina out and AJ is still out cold off the superkick. She picks the dead weight AJ up…and AJ tosses her out to win at 3:19.

Rating: D. If you only have five women for a battle royal, just don’t have the battle royal. This was in that weird period for the women where they had some people who were trying but it was still not exactly being taken seriously. Hence a five woman battle royal which lasted about three minutes and featured one of them being laid out for a good while.

From WCW Saturday Night, November 8, 1997.

Lucha Libre Battle Royal

Lizmark Jr., Super Calo, Villano IV, Villano V, Silver King, Hector Garza, El Dandy, Ciclope, La Parka, Halloween, Psychosis, Damien, Juventud Guerrera

Ok then. It’s a brawl to start and Dusty Rhodes is having WAY too much fun with this. Halloween is out and Damien misses a running dropkick in the corner. Lizmark moonsaults onto Damien and Rhodes is THRILLED with El Dandy being involved. The Villanos take over and Psychosis tosses Ciclope for a NASTY crash on the floor. Damien is out and Guerrera punches his way out of a powerbomb from Lizmark. Dandy tosses Lizmark (more like Lizmark tosses himself), sending Dusty into “ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! EL DANDY IS STILL IN THERE!”.

The Villanos are both out at the same time (Rhodes: “They’re kin. They might as well go out together.”) and King is dropkicked out as well. Garza is backdropped out and Dandy gets rid of Calo, only to be kicked out by Parka (Rhodes: “Bless his heart. He did good!”). Guerrera monkey flips Parka and hits a heck of a springboard spinwheel kick. Psychosis gets Guerrera in an electric chair but Parka chairs Guerrera in the back and they’re both out, giving Parka the win at 7:00.

Rating: C+. Dusty Rhodes was the absolute star of this thing as he was having an absolute ball with the match. There are very few things as fun as listening to an energized Dusty Rhodes doing commentary when he gets to have fun and that was on full display here. The match was nothing, but dang the commentary was a blast.

From sometime in the mid to late 80s (possible December 1, 1986 in Fayetteville, North Carolina).

Bunkhouse Stampede

Ricky Morton, Bobby Eaton, Bill Dundee, Jimmy Garvin, Robert Gibson, Jimmy Valiant, Manny Fernandez, Italian Stallion, Krusher Khrushchev, Dennis Condrey, Arn Anderson, Rick Rude, Paul Ellering, Animal, Ivan Koloff, Tim Horner, Bobby Jaggers, Don Kernoodle, Barry Windham

I’m not even going to try to list everyone here as the audio isn’t great and the camera angles miss a bunch of the entrances anyway. It looks like we have about twenty in there but there is no commentary so it’s even more confusing. Some trashcan lids are brought in to make things even more violent though there are only so many elimination attempts. Fernandez and….someone go outside and seem to be out as Animal trashcan lids Koloff.

Horner (I think) is out as the ring is still way too full for much of note to go on. Jaggers is out and so is Khrushchev, who pulls someone with him. There goes Kernoodle as Anderson chokes Morton and Ron Garvin is out. Morton is tossed as the ring is finally clearing out a bit. Morton helps Gibson get rid of Rude, only for Gibson to be eliminated as well. Valiant is out and there goes Jimmy Garvin, followed by Ellering. We’re down to Anderson, Eaton, Animal, Condrey and…I think it’s Barry Windham.

Either way, Animal gets rid of Anderson and Condrey is tossed, followed by who I believe was Windham. That leaves Animal to hit Eaton with some kind of a whip plus a dropkick. Condrey gets in a cheap shot from the floor but Animal fights back and gets rid of Eaton for the win at 12:48.

Rating: C+. You can only get so much out of something like this as it’s just a wild brawl, but that’s the entire point. The idea was something like “come as you are” so a lot of them were in street clothes to make it feel more authentic. Then again there were also a bunch of trashcan lids involved so it could only be so serious. Good, fun brawl here though and a nice hidden surprise.

From Prime Time Wrestling, July 6, 1992.

Battle Royal

Beau Beverly, Blake Beverly, Virgil, Skinner, Koko B. Ware, Kato, Owen Hart, Brian Knobbs, Duane Gill, Jerry Sags, Tito Santana, Texas Tornado, Joe Mato, Tatanka, Jim Brunzell, Bret Hart, Barry Horowitz, Ron Starr, Sgt. Slaughter, Rick Martel, Ted DiBiase, IRS, Bret Johnson, Berzerker, JA Gooden, C. Martinez, Bob Bradley, Bob Knight, Bruce Mitchell, Gary Davis, Joe Holland, Jim Powers, Al Hunter, Scott Palantonio, Barry Hardy, Nick Ganger, British Bulldog

I got at least seven or eight of those jobbers’ names wrong, though they did at least get individual entrances. Berzerker is on the floor and pulls one of the jobbers out and beats him up, leaving Hayes to mock the guy for getting this kind of a match. Various jobbers are tossed out as commentary has no idea who these people are thus far. Berzerker finally gets inside as Powers is tossed out.

We take a break and come back with Martel and Gill being tossed out. Skinner dumps Tatanka and Santana does the same to DiBiase, followed by IRS going out. Owen and Virgil are gone too and the Beverlys and Bret are out as well. There goes Kato as the ring is suddenly FAR less full.

Sags is tossed and we’re down to Skinner, Bulldog, Berzerker, Santana, Ware and Tornado. Ware and Santana are tossed out rather quickly and Skinner actually gets Bulldog out. We’re down to Berzerker, Tornado and Skinner, which is one of the weirdest final groupings I’ve ever seen. Tornado slugs away at both of them but Berzerker comes back for the double elimination and the win at 9:58.

Rating: D+. Yeah not much to this one, with a good chunk of the entrants being jobbers who commentary couldn’t even identify. The idea here was to just have a spectacle of a match and that went well enough. They didn’t do anything special but again, the whole appeal was in having that many people involved at once, which went fine.

From New York City, New York, July 12, 1986.

Battle Royal

Junkyard Dog, Greg Valentine, King Tonga, Jimmy Hart, Billy Jack Haynes, Harley Race, Lanny Poffo, Iron Mike Sharpe, Pedro Morales, Brutus Beefcake, Tony Atlas, Moondog Spot, British Bulldog, Dynamite Kid, SD Jones, Johnny Valiant, Sivi Afi, Moondog Rex, Tony Garea, Big John Studd, Bobby Heenan, King Kong Bundy

A bunch of people go after Studd to get rid of him as Hart hides underneath the ring. Bundy is out as well, followed by Heenan (oh man seeing Heenan and Hart trying to have a match could have been great), who stops to yell on commentary for a bit. There goes Jones, followed by Sharpe and valiant.

Garea is tossed and Race is gone as well to get rid of the rest of the Heenan Family. There goes Afi and the Bulldogs dropkick the Moondogs out, leaving Dog and Haynes to lock up. Beefcake dumps Kid as Hart is still hiding underneath the ring. Morales is out and then Beefcake goes as well, leaving Valentine against five good guys.

Valentine manages to toss Hayes and Tonga, leaving Valentine, Dog, Bulldog, Poffo and Hart underneath the ring. Poffo and Bulldog are both tossed with Dog being sent through the ropes, where he finds Hart hiding. Dog throws Hart back inside and gets in a fight with Valentine. The two of them go over….and Hart wins at 12:57.

Rating: C. Call this one goofy fun, as it was a bunch of people doing their thing until Hart could come in and steal the win like a cowardly heel should. Hart would be able to brag about this for the better part of ever and that’s exactly how it should have been done. I had a good time with this, even if it was just a countdown to the obvious ending.

From WCW Pro, November 18, 1995.

Battle Royal

Dave Sullivan, Nasty Ned, Disco Inferno, Cobra, Mark Starr, Frankie Lancaster, Barrio Brother Ricky, Barrio Brother Fidel, Buddy Lee Parker, James Earl

Why? It’s a standard brawl to start and yes Disco wants to check his hair. They fight around the ropes until Lancaster is gone, followed by Cobra and Starr. A quick series of eliminations leaves us with Parker and Earl (regular partners) to beat on Disco, who fights up and tosses both of them for the win at 5:03. Disco is more annoyed at his hair getting messed up.

Rating: D+. The thing that interests me the most here is how many shows WCW had and kept running for YEARS. Pro went on until 1998 and was basically forgotten unless you happened to catch it at random. Case in point, any match where Disco Inferno is the biggest of the ten stars is not exactly a high level match, but it was a feature here.

From Superstars, February 16, 1991.

Tag Team Battle Royal

Nasty Boys, Power & Glory, Rockers, Legion Of Doom, Demolition, Bushwhackers, Orient Express

For the Wrestlemania Tag Team Title shot and only one member of a team has to be eliminated. They start the usual exchange of punching, with McMahon saying it’s too much action to call. Demolition loads up the Rockers in a double gorilla press but Marty pulls Shawn down in a smart move. A double superkick eliminates Smash and Demolition is out, followed by the Bushwhackers being thrown out.

Marty accidentally knocks Shawn out and we’re down to Power & Glory, the LOD, the Express and the Nasty Boys. Hawk dumps Kato to get rid of the Express and Animal gorilla presses Tanaka out for a bonus. Roma is sent through the ropes so Animal throws him back in (Piper: “No Animal! The other way!”). Hercules throws Roma at Animal, who pulls him out of the air and easily tosses him. We’re down to the Nastys and the LOD…but Roma crotches Hawk on top and dumps him out 6:19.

Rating: C. I’ve seen this one a few times before and it’s one of those ideas that works rather well. I’ll take it over some of the other ways to set up a title match and it was cool to see a bunch of teams getting to mix it up. The LOD were clearly the smashing machines here and it shouldn’t be a surprise that they would be champions in about six months.

From Smoky Mountain Wrestling TV, January 28, 1995.

Battle Royal

This seems to be more of a Royal Rumble with Robert Gibson in at #1 and New Jack in at #2. Jack kicks him in the face to start so Gibson grabs a small package, with commentary pointing out the instincts taking over. Chris Candido is in at #3 and teams up with Jack on Gibson with a string of elbows. Gibson manages to survive in the corner and it’s George South coming in at #4. The slow brawling ensues and it’s Boo Bradley (Balls Mahoney) in at #5 to go straight after Candido and toss him out. Buddy Landel is in at #6 and they start pairing off and Tommy Pitner is in at #7.

We take a break and the Dirty White Boy is in at #8 to chase Landel out and then go after him as well. So that’s two out, with Bryant Anderson in at #9. Anderson grabs an armbar on Bradley until Mustafa Saed (Jack’s partner) is in at #10. Saed and Jack collide for a double elimination as Bradley chills in the corner for a bit. The Wolfman is in at #11 and goes after Bradley, which doesn’t go well. D’Lo Brown is in at #12 and helps toss Gibson.

Scotty McKeever is in at #13 and Anderson is gone. Bradley and Brown are both out and it’s Unabomb (later known as Kane) is in at #14 for a bunch of powerbombs. Unabomb clears the ring and is left alone until Ricky Morton is in at #15. Morton strikes away as well as he can until Eddie Gilbert is in at #16. Gilbert wastes no time in throwing powder in Morton’s eyes for the elimination and apparently Gilbert and Unabomb both win (good for $5000) at 14:35.

Rating: C+. This was the Unabomb show and they clearly knew they had something special with him. He was huge, he could move, and he had a great look. Don’t bother trying to make it any more complicated than that and it should work. The rest of the match had some fun moments, but Unabomb stood out WAY above everyone else. And not just because he’s tall.

Overall Rating: C. Battle royals are hard to do in the first place, but I liked what they did here as it was a nice mixture of stuff. Rather than just having one battle royal after another, this featured different kinds of matches rather than the same wrestlers doing the same battle royals. It’s a set that was well set up and I’ll absolutely take that.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Even More One-Sided Beatdowns
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Taz, Tony Schiavone, Gordon Solie, Mr. Perfect, Randy Savage, Jerry Lawler, Bobby Heenan

The name here should tell you all you need to know. The WWE Vault had previously released a collection of squash matches and I had a blast with the whole thing. Now we get a sequel, which will be from all over wrestling history. This could be almost anything and that has me interested. Let’s get to it.

From Superstars, March 9, 1996.

Yokozuna vs. Denny Parton/Mark Kyle/Reginald Walker

You might possibly remember Kyle as Killer Kyle in SMW. Parton jumping Yokozuna to start doesn’t go well as he is sent outside and Kyle has the same result. Commentary talks about Yokozuna’s match with Vader at Wrestlemania, which would not wind up happening (well not as a singles match at least). The Banzai Drop hits Kyle and Yokozuna stacks the other two up for one of their own for the double pin at 2:40. This was close to the end for Yokozuna and it showed pretty badly.

From Smackdown, May 12, 2005.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Jimmy Jacobs

Guerrero has a bloody Rey Mysterio mask, which he puts on the ring post. The referee checks Guerrero for weapons and then does the same to Jacobs, with Guerrero using the distraction to jump him. A running elbow drops Jacobs and a belly to back suplex does it again. We pause for Guerrero to stop and yell at the mask, which he then puts on Jacobs’ head and hammers away. Jacobs is sent outside and rammed into the announcers’ table before Guerrero grabs a chair. The brainbuster onto the chair is enough for the DQ at 2:59. Total decimation.

From World Wide Wrestling, April 6, 1991.

Stan Hansen/Sid Vicious vs. David Isley/Keith Hart

We get an insert promo from Sting and Lex Luger, who are ready to go through the tag division and take on anyone. If your option is to face Sid and Hansen, you might want to look into selling furniture. Isley is thrown outside and dropped with a suplex, allowing Hansen to hammer away. Back in and the powerbomb finishes Hart at 2:38. Sid was made for matches like this one.

Post match the beatdown stays on with Isley being put on a stretcher. Sid throws Hart onto Isley, who is then wheeled into the post.

From Superstars, June 1, 1996.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Marty Garner

OH BOY it’s this match. Helmsley gets to woo his latest valet to start things off and then easily takes Garner down. We get an insert promo from Helmsley, who doesn’t think much of Jake Roberts. The curtsy lets Garner get in a dropkick to the back but a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker cuts him off. Helmsley slaps him around a bit and hits the jumping knee to the face. The Pedigree is loaded up and Helmsley SPIKES HIM ON HIS HEAD, with Garner taking it like a piledriver instead of like a faceplant. Either way, what’s left of Garner is pinned at 3:11.

Rating: C. Nothing to the match of course but this was ALL about the Pedigree, which is a clip that has made the rounds ever since. It was simply a case of Garner not taking the move properly and thankfully he didn’t break his neck in the process. If nothing else, it made the Pedigree look like a killer and that’s great.

From Monday Nitro, February 5, 2001.

Scott Steiner vs. Jung Dragons/Noble And Karagias

Steiner wastes no time in starting to slug away and drops the elbow on Noble. The pushups take too long though as Karagias springboards in with a moonsault and a pair of top rope splashes connect. A four way cover gets two but Steiner is back up with a double clothesline. An overhead belly to belly drops Noble and Yang gets crotched on top. Hayashi is tossed outside and Noble is thrown onto him. There goes Karagias as well and a t-bone superplex drops Yang. Steiner won’t let the referee count three though, instead suplexing Noble and Karagias. A triple Steiner Recliner finishes for Steiner at 3:03.

Rating: C+. When Scott Steiner gets going, it’s just fun to see him smashing through people. That’s exactly what we got here, even if it took a bit before Steiner got going. He was the huge monster heel at this point and it could have gone somewhere had the company not been dying around him.

From World Championship Wrestling, likely in 1986.

Animal vs. ???/???

Animal runs through them and clothesline them both for the double pin at 35 seconds. That worked.

From Superstars, August 21, 1993.

Quebecers vs. Dan Dubiel/Scott Despres

Jacques jumps them to start and gives Dubiel a package piledriver. Pierre is backdropped onto Dubiel and an Alabama Slam into the Boston crab lets Pierre drop a middle rope Fameasser (Savage: “I have just retired from wrestling!”) and Despres makes the save. Savage thinks that should dissolve the partnership and it’s Le Bombe de Rougeau to Despres. The Cannonball finishes a rather entertaining squash at 2:15.

From World Championship Wrestling, June 17, 1989.

Samoan Swat Team vs. Rock Hard Rick/Mike Awesome

Well there’s a surprise, with Awesome (in Hulk Hogan red kneepads and yellow trunks) getting knocked to the floor to start. Rick gets planted with a Hart Attack and a spinning faceplant. A scary backdrop plants Rick and it’s off to Awesome, who gets knocked into the corner. Samu hits a belly to back superplex and Fatu’s top rope splash (so that’s where Awesome got it) finishes at 2:14. This was 100% on there because of Awesome, but dang I can go for some Headshrinkers dominance.

From WCW Saturday Night, May 14, 1994.

Rick Rude vs. Mark Starr

Starr catches a boot to the ribs to start and gets thrown down by the head a few times. Some hard clotheslines drop Starr again and Rude hammers away. One heck of a piledriver plants Starr again as Rude calls out Vader. Some hard jabs and a belly to belly suplex get two and we hit the bearhug. Rude gets tired of that and finishes with the Rude Awakening at 3:34.

Rating: C+. Rude screaming for Vader was good stuff, but at the same time it’s very sad to see, because by the time this aired, Rude had already suffered the back injury that ended his full time career. He would go on to win the International Title but have to vacate the belt as a result of his injury. Rude as the big heavy hitter was working though and the look on his face made him feel all the more intense.

From Superstars, December 3, 1994.

Jim Neidhart vs. Jeff Harvey

Yes Harvey, and yes that is better known as Jeff HARDY. MIKE ADAMLE WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!!! Neidhart isn’t having any of this running the ropes thing and tosses Harvey over the top. A big backdrop drops Harvey on his back and a camel clutch finishes him off at 2:04. I knew it was going to be someone big facing Neidhart and they didn’t disappoint with a 17 year old Hardy. Er Harvey.

Overall Rating: B-. Yeah I had another good time with this, as it was nothing but big stars smashing through people, just as described. There is something fun about seeing this rather than a much bigger star needing ten minutes to beat someone not on their level. Fun stuff here, with some of the squashed being nothing short of devastation, which is often the most entertaining thing you’ll see in wrestling.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Wrestlemania Dark Matches
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Tazz, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Joey Styles, Josh Matthews

So this is pretty much as simple as you can get, with the WWE Vault releasing a collection of matches from before the full Wrestlemania cards begin. These matches are tasked with getting the show going and that can make for some interesting options. Some of these are going to be a lot better than others but they can be a lot of fun. Let’s get to it.

From Wrestlemania XVIII.

Mr. Perfect/Lance Storm/Test vs. Rikishi/Albert/Scotty 2 Hotty

Albert and Storm start things off and Jacqueline is the referee. A sitout press slam gives Albert two and it’s off to Scotty, who gets taken down with a leg lariat. Test comes in for a hard corner clothesline but Storm misses a middle rope elbow. Rikishi comes in for a Samoan drop on Perfect (who bounces off like a backdrop for a weird look) and Scotty Worms Storm to send him outside. The Albert Bomb (chokebomb) hits Test and it’s a Stinkface to Perfect, who is smart enough to pull up his towel just in time. Said towel gets stuck on Rikishi, who hits the Banzai Drop for the pin at 3:07.

Rating: C. Fast paced match but they didn’t have time to do much. You’re only going to get so much out of six people in just over three minutes but they managed to make it work well enough. If nothing else, points for not having one of the Canadians take the fall, which would have been such a WWF thing to do in Toronto.

Post match the winners and Jacqueline dance.

From Wrestlemania XXIII.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. Gregory Helms/Chavo Guerrero

This is a lumberjack match and Guerrero is the “Cruiserweight of the World” because Lilian Garcia makes a lot of mistakes. To make things even weirder, there is a big curtain over the entrance as the set hasn’t been revealed yet. Helms backs Flair into the corner to start but gets hiptossed for his efforts. Carlito comes in and gets poked in the eye, allowing Chavo to come in and get dropped in a hurry. A dropkick sends Chavo outside so Snitsky throws him back inside without much trouble. Back in and Helms takes over with a chinlock on Carlito and it’s back to Chavo as Cole puts over the awesomeness of Detroit.

The slow beating continues as there is very little heat to the whole thing as it’s already running long. Carlito gets in a shot of his own and brings in Flair to chop away. Helms breaks up the Figure Four so Carlito comes in as everything breaks down. Chavo misses the frog splash though and it’s back to Carlito to clean house. Helms gets backdropped onto the lumberjacks and Carlito hits a quick Backstabber to pin Chavo (because OF COURSE the champion had to take the fall) at 6:38.

Rating: C-. The point here was to get Flair in the ring and to have a bunch of people get on the DVD as a lumerback. That doesn’t make for the most thrilling match though as they went a lot longer than they should have. It wasn’t an interesting match in the first place and then it went long, which is never a good combination.

From Wrestlemania XXII.

Battle Royal

Eugene, Viscera, Snitsky, Goldust, Lance Cade, Rob Conway, Tyson Tomko, Trevor Murdoch, Matt Striker, Super Crazy, Funaki, Steven Richards, Simon Dean, Joey Mercury, Johnny Nitro, Psicosis, Animal, William Regal

Officially this is Raw vs. Smackdown, but it’s also every man for themselves so the logic is kind of contradictory. Cole: “I guess we have to be impartial here.” Tazz: “Why?” Simon Dean tries to tell us to get in shape and is promptly eliminated first. Brawling on the ropes ensues and Conway is out, followed by Funaki. Cade (Cole: “Who’s that?”) is out and Richards takes too much time posing, meaning he’s eliminated as well.

There goes Striker (thankfully) and Regal gets hit with Shattered Dreams. Murdoch dumps Eugene as the ring is thankfully clearing out a bit. Psicosis gets rid of Goldust in an upset and Eugene stops for a reunion with Regal. Snitsky isn’t having the risk of that being his fault so he tosses Regal without much effort. MNM hits a Snapshot on Eugene to get rid of him as well and we settle down to the final four from each show getting into a staredown. Psicosis gets rid of Murdoch and then gets knocked out by Tomko to get us down to six.

Tomko and Snitsky beat up Animal and Viscera crushes MNM in various corners. MNM fight back (the Melina screams might be powering them on) and avoid a Viscera charge, only to make the mistake of trying a Snapshot. The double Visagra (if you don’t know, don’t ask) has Melina cringing before MNM is out. Snitsky accidentally knocks Tomko out and it’s Animal left with Viscera and Snitsky, as I’ll let you guess who the Chicago fans are behind. For some reason Animal is eliminated and Snitsky misses a charge so Viscera wins at 9:03 without touching him.

Rating: D+. Why would you put Animal this close to getting the win in a meaningless battle royal on the pre-show and then have him lose for the sake of Snitsky and Viscera? This was the second time I’ve seen this match in about a month and it still doesn’t make a ton of sense. Maybe Viscera couldn’t take a bump over the top, but egads this seemed like it could have been a fun moment and it wound up just being forgettable.

From Wrestlemania XXV.

Tag Team Titles: John Morrison/The Miz vs. Colons

This is a lumberjack match to unify both sets of Tag Team Titles, with commentary saying this kind of match has NEVER happened before, about ten minutes after we saw it in the same collection. Primo and Morrison start things off with Primo getting in a headstand in the corner, setting up a hurricanrana to send Morrison outside. The beating lets Primo get two and it’s Carlito coming in for a double slingshot drop. Carlito misses a shot of his own though and it’s off to Miz for his Wrestlemania in-ring debut.

This goes as badly as you would expect, with Carlito knocking him down and hitting a double springboard flip dive. Morrison grabs Carlito by the hair though and throws him outside, nearly triggering a brawl with the lumberjacks. Back in and Carlito gets caught in a double hot shot for two and Miz grabs a chinlock. Carlito fights up for a double knockdown and does it again with Morrison, which is enough to bring Primo back in to clean house.

Some flips set up a dropkick (as Miz might not have been in position in time) but Morrison is right back in with the Flying Chuck for two. Everything breaks down and Carlito spears Miz through the ropes, leaving Morrison to roll through Primo’s high crossbody for two more. Morrison tries a reverse suplex but Primo flips over into a Backstabber in a sweet counter for the pin and the titles at 8:22.

Rating: B-. This was a more traditional match as the lumberjacks were barely a factor. The Colons winning was a nice way to go as it’s a bit of a surprise and a fun surprise to start the night. If nothing else, the finish was more than good enough to make for a big ending. Good stuff here, and one of the better pre-show matches to date.

From Wrestlemania XXIV.

Battle Royal

Elijah Burke, The Miz, Chuck Palumbo, Snitsky, Deuce, Tommy Dreamer, Shannon Moore, Jamie Noble, Kofi Kingston, Festus, Cody Rhodes, Lance Cade, Hardcore Holly, Jesse, Stevie Richards, Trevor Murdoch, The Brian Kendrick, The Great Khali, Jimmy Wang Yang, Domino, Mark Henry, Val Venis, Kane, Jim Duggan

For an ECW Title shot on the main card. It’s a brawl to start and Deuce and Domino are both out in a hurry. Khali chops away at some people as Tazz recommends hiding in the corner. There goes Duggan and Burke knocks out Richards, only to get tossed by Kane. It’s time for the required Kane vs. Khali fight before Miz is eliminated. Henry dumps out Yang and Moore and Jesse follows them both. There goes Murdoch and Festus is out, followed by Kendrick in a big crash.

Henry easily throws Kingston out and Palumbo tosses Noble…who lands on Kingston and climbs back inside (so THAT’S where Kingston learned it). Then he’s tossed out again. A bunch of people get together to toss Khali and Snitsky gets rid of Holly. We’re down to Kane, Snitsky and Henry, with the fans getting WAY into this. Snitsky spends too much time glaring and gets knocked out by Henry, leaving us with two. Henry’s gorilla press is broken up and Kane kicks him out for the win and the title shot (he would win the title in about ten seconds) at 6:22.

Rating: C. The important thing here is they kept it moving rather than waiting around for a long time. These things are only going to have a small handful of realistic winners so clearing them out that fast is a good way to go. ECW needed some bigger stars and Kane certainly fits the bill so this was a nice cross between smart and efficient.

From Wrestlemania XXIX.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Wade Barrett

Miz is challenging and kicks away in the corner, only to get hit in the face to cut that off. Barrett hammers away, shouts about Miz’s lack of awesomeness, but can’t hit the Wasteland. Miz can’t get the Skull Crushing Finale either though and Barrett is back with a swinging Boss Man Slam for two. The Bull Hammer misses though and Miz gets the Figure Four, giving us a reminder that Ric Flair gave the hold to the Miz. In case you hadn’t praised Flair enough recently you see. Barrett makes the rope and hits the Wasteland for two, only to get caught in the Figure Four for the tap and the title at 4:08.

Rating: C. Nothing much to see here, but at least we got a nice tribute to Ric Flair, who has absolutely nothing to do with this match. The match was just there for the sake of a moment to fire the fans up to start, as Miz would lose the title back to Barrett the next night. I like the idea of a Miz face run, but it wasn’t exactly working here, with the Figure Four not helping things.

From Wrestlemania XXVI.

Battle Royal

Mark Henry, Shad Gaspard, JTG, Goldust, Yoshi Tatsu, Santino Marella, Primo, Kung Fu Naki, Slam Master J., Jimmy Wang Yang, Chris Masters, Vladimir Kozlov, Great Khali, Finlay, William Regal, Luke Gallows, Carlito, Tyler Reks, Zack Ryder, Lance Archer, Mike Knox, Caylen Croft, Trent Beretta, Tyson Kidd, David Hart-Smith, Chavo Guerrero

The NXT rookies come out to watch from the stage and more than a few of them would go on to be bigger than a lot of the people int his match. Primo and J are both out in a hurry as there are too many people in there to be able to focus. Henry tosses Beretta and Croft, followed by Chavo. Khali chops Henry out and then a bunch of people get together to toss him out. Cryme Tyme gets rid of Gallows and then Shad tosses JTG in a funny moment. We slow way down until Masters, Kidd, Smith and Kozlov are thrown out in a row.

Funaki, Goldust, Regal, Gaspard and Regal all go out in a hurry and Santino Hulks Up, meaning it’s a sting of Cobras. Finlay cuts that off and tosses him out, followed by Yang and Archer going out as well. Hornswoggle comes in and helps Finlay hit various people with the shillelagh before Carlito is tossed. We’re down to Finlay, Knox, Ryder and Tatsu, with Ryder eliminating Knox and Finlay at once. Tatsu clotheslines Ryder to the apron and then kicks him out for the win at 8:31.

Rating: C. Nothing to the match, as you probably expected, but Tatsu is the kind of fun guy that you want winning something like this. If you don’t have someone local to win the match, let someone young and energetic like Tatsu take it instead. It didn’t exactly lead anywhere for him, but it also didn’t hurt anyone so go with something entertaining.

Sidenote: Tatsu’s music was so freaking catchy!

From Wrestlemania XIX.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Chief Morley/Lance Storm vs. Kane/Rob Van Dam

Morley/Storm are defending and have the Dudley Boyz in their corner, albeit the Dudleys are not here voluntarily. It’s a brawl to start with Kane and Van Dam clearing the ring without much trouble. Van Dam hits a big running flip dive to take the champs out and we take a break.

Back with Morley grabbing a chinlock on Van Dam before missing a middle rope elbow. Kane comes in to clean house, including the side slam and top rope clothesline to Storm. Van Dam kicks Morley down and the chokeslam plants Storm. The Five Star is broken up but the Dudleys give Storm a 3D…and deck Van Dam to give Storm the pin at 5:41.

Rating: C+. This could have been on any given episode of Raw and, believe it or not, Kane and Van Dam won the titles the next night in a three way match. Kane and Van Dam worked well together and it makes sense to see them getting in a spot like this. Nice match, albeit with an ending that could have been a lot happier given what was happening the next day.

Overall Rating: C. This is a weird thing to see as the matches aren’t supposed to be show stealers or anything close. They’re designed to be there for the sake of getting the crowd warm without spending a lot of time or burning through a big match. The battle royals were fun enough and that’s all this was supposed to be. It’s nothing mind blowing and nothing that hasn’t been seen before, but I’ve seen far worse historic flashbacks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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WWF Rampage 1991
Hosts: Sean Mooney, Gene Okerlund, Bobby Heenan
Commentators: Lord Alfred Hayes, Sean Mooney, Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan, Jim Neidhart, Vince McMahon, Roddy Piper

We’re still on the WWE Vault with another Coliseum Video, which should make for a bit of fun. These things are the definition of hit and miss but we can often see something good in there somewhere. Then again there can also be some drek to get through as this isn’t the best time for the company. Let’s get to it.

We’re on a golf course with Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan giving us some tips. Gene says his handicap is Heenan, who almost looks like a clown and thinks they’re about to play tennis.

From Fresno, California, June 18, 1991.

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Perfect vs. British Bulldog

Perfect, with Coach (gah that didn’t work), is defending. Bulldog wastes no time in shoving him down and easily wins an exchange of shoulders. After a breather on the floor, Perfect is smart enough to not go for a test of strength. Bulldog accuses him of being a chicken, which Hayes does not think is the British way. For some reason Perfect tries a test of strength and immediately screams “AH YOU SON OF A B****!”

Even commentary has to cover for that one, thankfully with Bulldog getting two off a rollup. They trade sunset flips for two each and Bulldog gets in a bunch of rams into the corner on various turnbuckles. Perfect is back up with a shot of his own though and we slow back down for a breather. A Boston crab, with a grab of a rope, has Bulldog’s back in trouble but he powers out anyway. Perfect’s nice dropkick sends Bulldog outside, where Coach gets in some rather lame stomps.

Cue Bret Hart to chase Coach off so Perfect hits the Hennig necksnap but the referee almost gets bumped. After a bit of chastisement, Perfect goes with the sleeper and gets a pair of arm drops. That’s enough to make Bulldog fight up and he crotches Perfect on top, naturally with a hilarious sell. The referee gets bumped though and Bulldog can’t get a count off a small package. Coach comes in so Hart cuts him off and counts the pin because he’s a bit nuts at the moment. Hart and Perfect get in a fight and the referee sees it for the DQ at 9:32.

Rating: C+. Nice enough stuff here and that shouldn’t be surprising given who was in there. These two are talented stars who can have a good match with anyone and they had a bit of time here. That being said, the ending felt like a bit of an escape hatch and having Hart counting the pin was just kind of nuts.

Post match Hart beats up Perfect even more but Bulldog isn’t overly happy.

Gene hits a shot which seems to be good, though there is nothing in the way of tips. Well other than where to send a postcard to request a fan favorite match.

From New York City, April 22, 1991.

Warlord vs. Texas Tornado

Commentary argues over which of these two is smarter and….yeah all hail the Warlord. They take their time to lock up and then stop to pose some more, with Warlord not being happy at not being so popular. We get the test of strength and Tornado goes down for a two count, which you don’t see very often. Tornado fights up and blocks a big boot, setting up the Tornado Punch.

For some reason Warlord doesn’t even go down, instead grabbing a bearhug. That’s finally broken up so Warlord knocks him to the floor, which Monsoon says is Tornado taking a break. Warlord drives him back first into the post and they come back in, with Tornado not being able to make a sunset flip work. The slow forearms to the back have Tornado in trouble, to the point where he can’t pick Warlord up.

Warlord misses….we’ll call it a splash so Tornado is up with the clothesline comeback. The Tornado Punch gets two with Warlord getting a foot on the rope. Tornado gets a sleeper but they crash out to the floor for the double countout at 9:18. Ignore Tornado being back in before the ten count, to the point where even Heenan thinks he made it.

Rating: D. Oh heck no as this was rather horrible with Tornado being pretty much useless. It’s a bad sign when Warlord is carrying the whole thing and then they had the lame finish on top of that. This was one of the worst matches I’ve seen in a good while and it somehow just kept getting worse.

Post match Tornado argues with the referee, probably asking where he parked his chicken.

From New York City, June 3, 1991.

Animal vs. Paul Roma

Before the match, Roma and Hercules have a coin toss to determine which one will face Animal, which might be slightly interesting if Mooney’s voiceover hadn’t said it would be Roma. Hercules just stays in the ring at the bell and distracts Animal so Roma can hammer away. They actually trade leapfrogs until Animal catches Roma with an atomic drop. A headbutt between the legs keeps Roma in trouble but he knocks Animal off the top to the floor.

Back in and Roma hammers away, setting up a rather high dropkick. Three straight backbreakers set up a top rope shot to Animal’s head as this is more one sided than you might think. Animal fights up and they trade reversals until the referee gets bumped. A flying shoulder hits Roma for no count so Hercules gets in a cheap shot. Roma accidentally missile dropkicks Hercules though, allowing Animal to grab a powerslam for the pin at 5:00.

Rating: C-. This was in the weird non-Hawk period for the Legion Of Doom and that isn’t the most memorable stretch of time for a reason. There wasn’t much to see here other than Animal winning a glorified handicap match, which thankfully didn’t last long. Roma’s dropkicks looked good at least.

It’s back to the golf course, where Gene explains the importance of a chip shot. Gene’s shot goes fairly well while Heenan’s club goes flying. They move on to a shot from a bunker, with Heenan advocating cheating while Gene hits a nice shot. Heenan cheats anyway and Gene is aghast. Finally we move on to putting, with Heenan cheating again to succeed, which has Gene stunned.

From Fresno, California, June 18, 1991.

Big Boss Man/Rockers vs. Nasty Boys/Mountie

In case you wanted the most 1991 match possible. Jimmy Hart is here with the villains and the Nastys are the Tag Team Champions. Knobbs holds up one of the titles in an early Ric Flair impression. Shawn, with his backwards neon green hat (again, 1991) starts with the Mountie but Shawn tags in Boss Man, who gets taken into the corner by Sags (for the first contact over two minutes in).

A fairly delayed powerslam plants Sags right back down Mountie comes in and gets spinebustered, with the villains being cleared out for a needed breather. Back in and Boss Man enziguris Knobbs so Jannetty can come in with a middle rope faceplant. A sunset flip gives Jannetty two and it’s back to Shawn for the superkick. Boss Man adds an elbow to the face and does that weird bouncing headlock of his.

Sags finally gets in a cheap shot from the apron and Boss Man crashes out to the floor so the villains can finally get control. Sags drops some elbows and Mountie’s elbow to the jaw gets two. To avoid being left out, Knobbs drops an elbow of his own for two more before taking Boss Man into the corner. The Rockers are drawn in, which is enough for the triple teaming to continue.

Mountie confirms his identity by shouting “I AM THE MOUNTIE!”, which is enough for Boss Man to fight up. Shawn comes in to clean house as everything breaks down. In the melee, Shawn intercepts the megaphone and knocks Knobs out, only to get shocked by Mountie’s shock stick. Not that it matters as Jannetty steals the pin at 10:12.

Rating: C+. This got better near the end but the heat segment didn’t last very long, meaning there was a lot of other stuff to cover the rest of the time. What helps here is the lineup was interesting enough that it gave for some nice options, which is the point of a six man tag. It’s not a great match but it’s perfectly fun for this kind of a spot.

From New York City, New York, June 3, 1991.

The Dragon vs. Smash

Sure why not. Demolition was done at this point and Smash was waiting for a new gimmick. The Dragon was Ricky Steamboat without being able to call him Ricky Steamboat because his divorce was really nasty (and ridiculous). Smash works on the arm to start but you know Steamboat is fine with doing something just like that. Back up and Steamboat has to skin the cat (of course) before sending Smash over the top.

Smash gets back in and is quickly armdragged into an armbar as Steamboat is quickly checking his boxes here. Some chops to the head (or about four inches in front of his head) have Smash in more trouble and we’re right back to the armdrag into the armbar. Back up and Smash gets something like a chokeslam to cut Steamboat down and a belly to back suplex gets two, with Monsoon really not being pleased with the technique.

The neck crank goes on for a bit before Smash sends him outside again, this time for a ram into the post. A slam on the floor and a backbreaker back inside sets up another neck crank, which he switches into a sleeper to keep Steamboat in trouble. Steamboat finally fights up and strikes away, setting up a dropkick to the floor. A middle rope dive to the floor takes Smash down again but he suplexes Steamboat back inside. Smash misses a charge though and the high crossbody gives Steamboat the win at 10:17.

Rating: D+. Oh come on what else were you expecting here? Steamboat can do something good with just about anyone but he needs something more than a bored Smash, who is barely a singles star in the first place. This did not work and was boring on top of going longer than it needed. If you have someone as talented as Steamboat, find a better way to use him.

From Green Bay, Wisconsin, May 7, 1991.

Jake Roberts vs. Barbarian

Barbarian, with Bobby Heenan, stalks him around to start and Jake’s left hands don’t do much good. An armbar doesn’t get Jake very far so Barbarian hammers away, at least until a knee lift takes him down. The threat of the DDT sends Barbarian bailing to the floor and we stall for a bit.

Back in and Barbarian pounds him down again, with Heenan getting in some choking. A backbreaker gives Barbarian two and he seems to rip at Jake’s face for a change. Jake’s short arm clothesline misses and Barbarian kicks him in the face, only for Jake to bounce back with a DDT. Cue Earthquake for a distraction so Jake busts out Damien and chases him off….for the countout at 7:27.

Rating: C-. Well, at least it was a bit shorter. This tape has hit a wall with the last two matches and I’m not sure I can see that getting much better. Barbarian is a prime example of someone who played a role perfectly well despite not being a big star. He was doing it again here, but Jake Roberts can’t beat the Barbarian in a match like this? That’s quite the stretch.

Bobby and Gene are seemingly off the course in an attempt to find a ball. Naturally, Bobby cheats again because that is his nature.

From London, England, April 24, 1991.

Greg Valentine vs. Haku

Oh come on. This is from the dreadful Valentine face run and he grabs a headlock to start. An atomic drop into a running elbow to the head sends Haku outside for a needed breather. Back in and Haku kind of bobs and weaves a bit before chopping away in the corner. Some backbreakers give Haku two and we hit the reverse chinlock.

Valentine fights up but gets caught in it again, only to fight up again (it worked the first time). Some rams into the buckle have Haku staggered, which has Vince a bit surprised on commentary. Piper: “Go after him Gregory!” The big elbow misses though and Haku strikes away again, only to get headbutted between the legs. The Figure Four attempt is blocked but Valentine grabs a sunset flip for the pin at 8:42.

Rating: C. This is a good example of a match that was technically fine but….who in the world was wanting to cheer Valentine? It’s just a weird idea and something that never exactly worked. That was on display here and while the match was ok because both of them are talented stars, it’s hard to get behind eternal heel Valentine, even against someone like Haku.

From Tuscon, Arizona, May 28, 1991.

Power & Glory vs. Orient Express

Slick and Mr. Fuji are here for a rather rare heel vs. heel match. We get a fairly long staredown to start until Hercules shoves Kato down to start. It works so well that Hercules does it again but Kato chops away in the corner. Hercules isn’t having that and blocks a whip out of the corner, only to miss an elbow. A gorilla press works a bit better on Tanaka as it’s weird to see the fans cheering for Power & Glory (at least more than they’re cheering for the Express).

Roma reminds the fans that the team is evil too and by coming in for a double clothesline. After some nice leapfrogs, Roma drops Tanaka again and hits a nice top rope elbow for two. Kato gets in a cheap shot though and comes in with an elbow to the face as things slow back down. Roma fights out of a chinlock but gets tripped by Fuji, giving us the threat of a manager brawl (actually….Slick vs. Fuji could be awesome).

Hercules gets drawn in so Tanaka can jump over Kato and onto Roma’s back for two. Roman jumps over a double clothesline and Hercules comes back in for his own double clothesline despite the lack of a tag. A heck of a dropkick to Kato gives Roma two and Tanaka’s sunset flip gets two more. Slick low bridges Kato down to the floor though and everyone goes outside for the double countout at 8:28.

Rating: C-. Not the worst match here, but dang it was more weird than anything else. Power & Glory fit into the good guys slot (albeit by default) pretty easily here and I could go for seeing them do it a bit more. That being said, I still want to see Slick vs. Fuji, as that just sounds fun. As in what a lot of this tape has not exactly been.

Back to the course, with Heenan lying to another player about where his ball went.

And now, At Home With Paul Bearer. After taking a very long time to get inside, Bearer is messing with a body in a casket, because he had to bring some of his work home. He apologizes for not tidying up and then sits down in something of a throne. Bearer offers us a drink, which might be made of human remains. He looks at some knickknacks, such as the Urn, a dead plant and a skull, plus a guillotine. This was pretty much little more than The WWF Addams Family and it wasn’t any good.

From Toronto, Ontario, Canada, June 2, 1991.

Undertaker vs. Ultimate Warrior

Paul Bearer is here with Undertaker. Warrior cleans house to start and hammers away, only to get his neck snapped over the top rope. Back in and Undertaker grabs Warrior by the face, which was a big thing for him back in the day. This goes on for far too long, with Warrior powering out after nearly three minutes of Undertaker just holding his face. Warrior fights up but gets knocked down again, only to avoid the big running elbow. Another comeback is cut off and Undertaker hits a quick Tombstone but Warrior pops up. Then Undertaker hits him with the Urn for the DQ at 7:44.

Rating: D-. Warrior did pretty much nothing here other than surviving the Tombstone but then the match just ended before anything else could happen. It isn’t a good sign when so much of the match was spent with the Undertaker just standing there with his hand over Warrior’s face. Pretty horrible match here, and probably the only reason this tape was uploaded in the first place.

Post match Undertaker and Bearer load up a body bag but Warrior fights out and clears the ring.

Heenan and Gene argue over who is paying for the golf and a golf cart chase takes us out.

Overall Rating: D+. There are a few passable matches early on in the tap to carry things but this just falls apart after the six man tag. It’s a pretty sad day when you have Greg Valentine vs. Haku as a high point for the second half of a nearly two hour tape. While there are worse tapes out there and this did have a nice variety (with no Hogan anywhere to be seen), but dang the match quality is just not there to back it up. Find something else to watch.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: March 17, 2006
Location: CenturyTelCenter, Bossier City, Louisiana
Commentators: Tazz, Michael Cole

It’s the go home show for Saturday Night’s Main Event, which is the last real stop on the Road to Wrestlemania. Things have been a little strange as of late as we have been building towards both shows at once, but Saturday Night is just a commercial for Wrestlemania anyway. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at last week’s main event tag and Undertaker challenging Mark Henry for the Wrestlemania casket match to end the show.

Opening sequence.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Finlay vs. Bobby Lashley

Lumberjack match. Lashley kicks Finlay outside to start and Finlay gets to beat up the lumberjacks. Back in and Lashley pulls him away from the ropes for a crash to the mat. A clothesline into a backdrop sends Finlay outside again and it’s time for the big staredown between everyone involved. Some cheap shots from the lumberjacks put Lashley down so Finlay throws him outside again to keep up the beating. The chinlock goes on back inside, followed by some forearms to the back.

Those just annoy Lashley, so Finlay sends him outside for more lumberjack fun. Finlay misses a charge into the post though and Lashley pops off a belly to belly. A clothesline gives Lashley two and there’s the one armed delayed vertical suplex. Lashley throws Finlay onto the lumberjacks and then goes outside to beat on him some more. I’m not sure if he understands the idea of a lumberjack match. Back in and Sylvan grabs a chair, but Lashley takes him down. The distraction works though as Finlay gets in the shillelagh shot for the pin.

Rating: C. This was a weird one as they were beating the heck out of each other but they kept going with the lumberjacks to make things a little off. What we had was a good brawl though and I liked all of the physicality. Sometimes you need to just throw people in there and have them beat each other up, which worked out well enough with two power guys like them.

Wrestlemania Big Time Moment: the Gimmick Battle Royal. Works for me.

MNM is gawking over Vince McMahon’s Muscle and Fitness cover and admiring his glutes. Melina comes up to take it away, revealing that they are looking at Candice Michelle’s Playboy. She keeps it for her own personal use. Nitro: “What are you going to do with it?” Melina: “Use your imagination.” Melina walks over to Kristal Marshall and says that she’s beautiful in the Divas Magazine, but Kristal needs to learn her place around here. Paul Burchill comes up so Melina call MNM over. Burchill whips out the sword and the villains run off.

William Regal/Jillian Hall vs. Kristal Marshall/Paul Burchill

Regal keeps stealing glances at Jillian in her gear. The women fight over a lockup to start with Jillian sending her into the corner. That allows commentary to discuss their gear, as commentary tends to do around here. Regal tries to break things up and gets slapped in the face so Burchill comes in for a running crossbody. A shove out of the corner puts Burchill down though and Regal kicks him in the head (simple things can work just fine). We hit the chinlock but Burchill fights up and it’s back to the women for the catfighting. Since that can’t last long, Burchill comes back in for the C4 to finish Regal in a hurry.

Rating: D+. It really is amazing to see the differences between people with Wrestlemania stories and people who are destined for the pre-show battle royal. They’re fighting over a magazine and Burchill’s choice to be a pirate, which doesn’t exactly make me think much of them going into the biggest show of the year. Then again I’m a sucker for most pirate shenanigans so this was entertaining in a few ways.

Sharmell and Booker are in the back with Sharmell screaming about how scared she is of the Boogeyman. Booker has a box for her though and knows everything will be ok.

Verne Gagne Hall of Fame video.

Booker T. vs. Jeremy Young

Sharmell is in a beekeeper’s suit. Booker runs Young over as Sharmell continues to panic on the floor. Some more shots to the face let Booker stomp him down in the corner and there’s a spinebuster to cut off the comeback. The ax kick finishes Young.

Rating: D. Yeah I don’t think there’s any secret to what they were going for here. I’m hoping they wrap up the Boogeyman stuff sooner rather than later as it is the kind of story that was fun once or twice (and that’s a stretch) and now it’s just silly. Well sillier that is. Let him be a special attraction if he has to be on the show, but having him with big names like this is a little too much.

Post match Boogeyman’s music plays so Booker and Sharmell hide underneath the ring. Guess who they find under there.

We look at last week’s main event again.

We get a sitdown interview with Randy Orton, Rey Mysterio and Kurt Angle. Orton cuts Cole off to ask Angle how healthy he is after last week’s attacks. Angle thinks it’s funny and loads up the broken freaking neck line but Orton cuts him off as well because we’ve heard it before. As for Mysterio, Orton is going to embarrass him at Wrestlemania because he doesn’t belong in the main event. Angle calls out Orton for not respecting Mysterio, who beat Orton to win the Royal Rumble.

Orton says Angle is a paper champion who won the title in a battle royal that Orton wasn’t even in. That sends Angle into a rant about Orton being a one time champion who held it for a month. Mysterio says he’ll win the title at Wrestlemania because dreams come true. Rey says he will have Angle’s back tonight and tomorrow, but that won’t be the case at Wrestlemania. Angle doesn’t want it any other way and Orton promises to dominate in all three matches. This didn’t add much but it worked well enough and reinforced what was already set up.

The Miz is coming.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Road Warrior Animal vs. Matt Hardy

Matt slugs away to start and gets shoved down. That’s fine with Matt as he takes Animal down and hammers away again. Animal goes after Matt’s banged up knee, which only draws up some louder HARDY chants. The leg cranking is on but Matt uses the good leg to kick him away. A reverse DDT into the Side Effect gets two and there’s another Side Effect to send Animal into the corner. Matt unloads in the corner but almost hits the referee, allowing Animal to get in a brass knuckles shot for the pin.

Rating: D. I’m not exactly expecting this to stand as even 2006 Smackdown isn’t insane enough to put Animal in a big match at Summerslam. The match was nothing of course because it’s Animal, but what else were you expecting? Was there really a rub to get from beating an old member of half of the Legion of Doom?

Post match the referee sees the knuckles and reverses the decision to send Matt to Wrestlemania. Dang Matt really can’t catch a break. Yeah he’s going to Wrestlemania, but he has to keep heat on Animal?

Orlando Jordan vs. Chris Benoit

Non-title and JBL is on commentary with a cooler of beer to hype up the beer drinking contest with Steve Austin. Benoit goes straight to the suplex to set up the corner chops. Jordan is sent outside for more chops, allowing Benoit to glare at JBL. Back in and Jordan takes him down by the arm as JBL goes into one of his rather intense rants about Austin meaning nothing in Texas. Benoit fights out of an armbar and snaps off the German suplexes. JBL: “I GOT FIRED IN GERMANY ONE TIME AND I REALLY DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT!” The Sharpshooter finishes Jordan.

Rating: D+. These two had to set some kind of a record for facing each other in matches that weren’t all that good. It isn’t like Jordan is making anyone look good as he’s someone out there to get beaten up with no doubt about who is winning. Can we see what Benoit can do against a stuff giraffe named Irving instead?

Post match JBL hits Benoit with the cooler (good shot too).

We look back at Mark Henry costing Kurt Angle the World Title two weeks ago.

Mark Henry isn’t scared of the casket or the Streak. Tomorrow, Undertaker can come face him on Saturday Night’s Main Event.

MNM/Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle/Randy Orton/Rey Mysterio

Melina and Daivari are here with the villains and Angle has bad ribs from last week. Orton slaps Nitro before the bell and it’s Angle top wristlocking Nitro to start. Mercury comes in and gets a knee to Angle’s ribs to take over in the corner. Angle’s ribs are fine enough to snap off a belly to belly and it’s off to Rey. The springboard moonsault gets two on Mercury and a spinning bulldog to Nitro gets the same.

Mysterio gets sent into the corner though and Henry comes in to step on Rey’s chest. The splash misses though and Rey hammers away in the corner, only to have Orton distract the referee so Daivari can get in a cheap shot. That of course means an EDDIE chant, because that’s all Rey means these days. We take a break and come back with Melina slapping Mysterio.

A headscissors choke on the apron (with the camera cutting to the other side of the ring because the skirt is a little short) keeps Rey down and Nitro drops an elbow on Rey’s back. Henry comes back in for the gorilla press drop but another splash misses. An enziguri allows the diving tag to Angle, as Orton stops to fix his boot. Angle starts cleaning house as everything breaks down, including the Angle Slam to Henry. There’s the 619 to Nitro but Orton tags himself in and throws Mysterio outside to steal the pin on Nitro.

Rating: C. And yes, the Tag Team Champions lose again. It was to a bigger name, but can we go a few weeks without them losing? Just for a change of pace? Anyway, this was another way of enforcing things that we already know, because there isn’t much else that can be done to set up the triple threat. That’s not good with two weeks to go before Wrestlemania, but it isn’t the deepest story in the world.

Overall Rating: C-. This was another show that bounced back and forth between building to Saturday Night’s Main Event and Wrestlemania but it didn’t work as well as Raw. The triple threat match is as set as it is going to be, though it was nice to have the three of them not bring up Eddie every few seconds. The wrestling wasn’t great, but that is rarely the point this time of year. Not a bad show, but the build for Wrestlemania is just tightening up everything that is already set, plus some MITB qualifying. That could make for some fairly week shows on the way to Chicago, but this could have been worse.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: March 3, 2006
Location: Verizon Center, Washington DC
Attendance: 11,700
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s a big one tonight as we have the No Way Out rematch between Undertaker and Kurt Angle for the Smackdown World Title. That alone should be enough to carry this show as it feels like one of those main events where they are going to give it some extra attention. Certainly works for me. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a video about Angle vs. Undertaker. If you insist.

Opening sequence.

Booker T. vs. Tatanka

What a clash of generations. Sharmell is on commentary. Tatanka works on the arm to start and Booker bails to the rope as Sharmell is already done listening to Cole. Booker loses a chop off so he goes to the eye and elbows him in the face. The hooking kick to the head misses though and Tatanka chops away even more. There’s a suplex but Booker pops up and strikes away in the corner.

A hot shot puts Tatanka down again and it’s a superkick for two. The chinlock goes on and naturally fuels the comeback, allowing Tatanka to chop him down again. Tatanka’s belly to back suplex sets up the top rope chop but Booker kicks him out of the air. The ax kick gives Booker….nothing as here’s the Boogeyman behind Sharmell. That’s enough for Tatanka to grab a rollup for the big upset.

Rating: D+. So to recap, you have all of the people available to WWE (from developmental alone) and you pick Tatanka? He isn’t the worst in the world or anything, but who looks back at Tatanka and thinks that’s the big idea? The match was nothing but a way to set up the angle at the end, as we continue towards Booker vs. Boogeyman because reasons.

Post match Boogeyman, with the worms, chases Booker off.

We recap Rey Mysterio being all depressed over losing his Wrestlemania title shot. Don’t worry though because Teddy Long made a tag match between Rey Mysterio and feeling happy by making a triple threat match at Wrestlemania.

Randy Orton vs. Super Crazy

Orton now has This Fire Burns by Killswitch Engage for theme music. Crazy gets stomped down in the corner to start and we’re in the chinlock in a hurry. Some forearms to the chest give Orton two and the chinlock goes on again. Crazy crawls over to the ropes and gets his feet to safety but Orton pulls him back for more chinlocking anyway.

Back up and Crazy throws him over for the break and hits a triangle dropkick to put Orton outside. The dive off the top hits Orton and they head back inside for two. A tornado DDT sends Orton throat first across the top but the moonsault only hits mat. Orton tries to go up but gets kicked in the head, only to shove Crazy back down. The RKO is good for the fast pin.

Rating: C-. This is the kind of match that can almost always work: take a talented guy who doesn’t get to do much against bigger names and let him have a five minute match. Orton was never in danger but they got to do a little something out there and it isn’t like Crazy loses anything in defeat. Do more stuff like this and save some of the bigger matches for important spots.

Video on Chris Benoit. I’m surprised that made the Network.

We look back at JBL’s hand being crushed last week, forcing him to undergo hand surgery this week.

At Wrestlemania: Benoit vs. JBL for the US Title.

MNM vs. Matt Hardy/Animal

Non-title. Matt rolls Mercury up for two to start and is quickly forearmed in the face for his efforts. Mercury misses a dropkick and gets rolled up for two, meaning it’s off to Animal for a hard whip into the corner. They head outside with Mercury being sent into the apron, allowing Melina to dive off the apron for a distraction. This one actually works as Nitro scores with a superkick to take over. Back in and a double legdrop gets two on Animal. The referees try to break things up so Melina adds a headscissor choke over the rope, with the fans not exactly complaining.

Animal fights up without much trouble and brings in Matt for the house cleaning. The middle rope elbow to the back of Mercury’s neck looks to set up the Twist of Fate but Matt has to go with a double DDT instead. Now the Twist of Fate gets two on Mercury with Nitro making the save. Everything breaks down and Animal goes up for the Doomsday Device, only to have Nitro chop block Hardy. Animal crashes, leaving Matt to take the Snapshot for the pin.

Rating: D+. Pretty formula based stuff but I don’t really need to see Animal again. It worked with Hawk but that isn’t going to happen again. The act was pretty tired in 1999 and we are a long way off from that. MNM needs a good team to face and I don’t know if I can imagine that happening anytime soon.

Post match Animal snaps on Hardy and rams Hardy’s injured knee in the post.

Big Time Wrestlemania Moment: Undertaker b. Sid at Wrestlemania XIII. You have that whole show and you pick that match? In a year where Bret Hart is going into the Hall of Fame?

Gene Okerlund Hall of Fame video.

Bobby Lashley vs. Finlay

Fallout from last week’s tag match. Lashley powers him up against the ropes to start and hits an atomic drop. Finlay gets run over with straight power but comes back with a clothesline and a knee to the back of the head. A suplex gives Lashley two and they head outside where Finlay throws in a bunch of chairs. The chair duel is good for the quick DQ.

Post match the brawl stays on with referees having to come down and break it up. This worked pretty well and I could go for another one.

We see Kristal attempting to disrobe last week when Jillian Hall interrupted. Clothes were removed and they fight next week. Can they please not?

William Regal comes up to Paul Burchill again and says Paul is embarrassing him again. Just come be a tag team again. Burchill says no because he has his first match next week and can’t wait to dress like this. Regal: “ARE YOU BLOODY MAD???”

Video on Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker

Angle is defending in a rematch from No Way Out. Angle slugs away in the corner to start and has to dodge Undertaker’s big shots. Undertaker gets taken down into a Fujiwara armbar but reverses into one of his own. A flying armbar has Angle in more trouble and Undertaker cranks on the arm in the corner. Old School is broken up though and Angle stomps him down some more. That just earns him another armbar but Angle breaks up Old School again.

The ten right hands in the corner are countered into a Last Ride but Undertaker has to drop him onto the ropes instead. A boot puts Angle on the floor and we take a break. Back with Angle sending him face first into the steps but Undertaker pops back up with a heck of a clothesline. Undertaker hits the apron legdrop to the back of the bad neck as he has another target.

Back in and Undertaker bends the neck around the rope but Angle snaps off a belly to belly for a delayed two. Now it’s Angle pounding him down for two and we hit the bodyscissors. That’s broken up as well but Undertaker’s running big boot misses in the corner. For some reason Undertaker goes up top, earning himself a top rope superplex for two.

We take another break and come back again with Angle holding a chinlock with a knee in the back. A clothesline puts Undertaker on the floor and Angle whips him knees first into the steps. Back in and Undertaker wins a slugout but misses another big boot. The release German suplex sends Undertaker flying but NOW the big boot connects for two. The chokeslam is countered into the ankle lock until Undertaker kicks him off. Neither can hit a Tombstone so Angle grabs the Angle Slam for two more.

Another ankle lock is countered into the chokeslam but the cover takes too long, allowing Angle to pull him into the ankle lock. That’s countered into the triangle choke, which is good for two arm drops. Angle grabs the rope for the break and counters a legdrop into the ankle lock. This time Undertaker reverses and hits a DDT for two but it’s Angle up first. The moonsault misses and there’s the sit up. Undertaker hits the Tombstone but here’s Mark Henry for the DQ.

Rating: A-. Yeah that worked and I don’t know why you would have expected anything else. This was a pair of great wrestlers going back and forth while trying to have a classic and they pretty much did. I’m not wild on the ending but we have already seen a clean finish between the two so it isn’t that big of a problem. There was no way this wasn’t going to work and it worked very well, as you had to expect.

Post match Henry beats Undertaker up even more, setting up a splash through the announcers’ table to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was like the In Your House of Smackdowns as the main event carried the show as far as it needed to go but the rest left you wondering why this was taking place. There are a lot of people who pretty clearly are just going through the motions with little to nothing to do for Wrestlemania and that can make for some rough time. Then you have Undertaker vs. Angle for about half an hour though and those problems don’t mean as much.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: September 30, 2005
Location: Entertainment Center, Laredo, Texas
Attendance: 3,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re almost ready for No Mercy and most of the card is either set or all but set. That makes for a show that is all about getting fans to want to buy the pay per view, which is often the hardest part. Maybe it works out well here though, even if the show might not seem like the biggest deal. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Cole gives us a quick rundown of Laredo and its location near the border. I don’t think I need a geography lesson to open the show.

Here’s JBL, with an inner tube, a sombrero and a donkey as I think you know where this is going. After a bit of Spanish, JBL tells the fans to find someone with a green card, if they can. The fans chant at him so JBL threatens a big call to immigration before talking about going to meet Rey’s relatives. This includes inner tubing at night and jump starting “peek up” trucks. JBL says the back of the donkey reminds of everyone he sees here, which is why he had to be careful in selecting a partner.

Mr. Kennedy/John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio/Hardcore Holly

Kennedy compares Tony Chimmel to the donkey on the way in. Rey does the Mexican hat dance around the sombrero before dropkicking Kennedy down for an early two. An inner tube shot to the back lets Kennedy take over and it’s JBL coming in. That earns him a DDT and a tag to Holly means more of a beating in the corner.

It’s already back to Mysterio vs. Kennedy with JBL breaking up a quick 619 attempt. The fall away slam sets up the bearhug until Rey bites his way out. After dispatching Kennedy, it’s off to Holly to pick the pace way up. A full nelson slam plants Kennedy and it’s the dropkick to JBL. The questionably low kick to the ribs drops JBL again but Kennedy grabs Holly, allowing the Clothesline From JBL to connect for the pin.

Rating: C-. Just a quick tag match to advance a pair of feuds and there is nothing wrong with that. JBL doing the anti-Mexico stuff is as JBL as you can get so I wouldn’t have expected anything else. Kennedy is growing on me in a hurry and I’m starting to see why he was as popular as he was for the time being.

We look at last week’s Eddie Is Sick deal with Dr. Barnett…uh…yeah.

Eddie is eating some Mexican food when Batista comes up and takes it away. Just looking out for his partner you see. Batista eats it anyway, making me want some Mexican food in the process.

Melina is in the parking lot when Christy Hemme rides up on a motorcycle (I’m not sure that’s the safest riding attire). They get in an argument and Melina breaks a nail, meaning a match is imminent.

Melina vs. Christy Hemme

MNM are at ringside. Christy sends her into the corner and tells Melina to watch her nail. That earns her a dropkick for two as Tazz rambles about Christy looking great on the motorcycle. An armbar has Christy in trouble until she makes it to the rope, only to have Melina drape the arm across said rope. Christy’s sunset flip out of the corner into a kick to the head lets Christy roll her up for two (with a rather suggestive form on the rollup). Mercury distracts the referee though, allowing Nitro to trip Christy for the pin.

Rating: D. If you’re getting pinned just because you call on your face, it might be time to stay out of the ring. This was every lackluster women’s match you would get around this time, but at least there wasn’t a ton of catfighting. They don’t seem to be trying to make this a bunch of serious women’s matches and given the current crop of talent, that’s best for everyone.

Post match Melina yells so Christy hits her in the face. MNM goes after her but Heidenreich and Animal make the save.

We look back at Undertaker popping out of the casket last week in a fairly effective segment.

Bob Orton vs. Undertaker

Before the match, Bob insists Randy won’t be around tonight so Bob can show no mercy. Never trust a cowboy. Bob snaps off a left hand to start and the glare sends him bailing to the floor. Back in and Undertaker doesn’t honor a timeout request and hammers away but the ref gets bumped early. That means the low blow so here’s Randy to jump Undertaker, because you can’t trust a cowboy.

The big beatdown is on, with Randy hammering away and sending Undertaker over the announcers’ table. They toss Undertaker over the top and back inside so Bob can get two, meaning it’s time for the pain. The ref gets bumped again so Randy can try the RKO….which is shoved away. The Tombstone finishes Bob before Randy can cheat again.

Rating: D. Bob was only 55 years old here so it’s not ridiculous to have him in a match where he actually has to work. The wrestling wasn’t the point here of course as it’s all a way to show that Undertaker might be in trouble when Randy and Bob are allowed to wrestle at the same time. I’m not sure how good the casket match will be, but at least it should be a bit better than this.

Post break, here’s what you saw pre break.

We take a quick look at Bobby Lashley debuting and destroying Simon Dean last week.

Bobby Lashley vs. Russell Simpson

Simpson can’t wrestle him down or whip him in so Lashley drives the not so bright jobber into the corner. Some kicks to the leg slow Lashley down until it’s a backbreaker to drop Simpson. The Dominator gives Lashley the fast pin.

Post match here’s Simon Dean to offer Lashley a shake before their match at No Mercy. This goes as you would expect, with the shake being squashed and Dean being pressed out to the floor.

It’s time for the Peep Show. Before we get to our guest, Christian wants to know why there is no United States Title match at No Mercy. Chris Benoit has been on a roll as of late until he ran into Christian. That’s why he should get the title shot, but here are Booker T. and Sharmell to interfere. Sharmell says Christian asked Booker what he had done lately so Booker talks about pinning Christian last week.

This brings out Orlando Jordan to say he deserves a shot because it’s time for him to get his revenge on Benoit. Booker: “It took you longer to say that than it took Benoit to make you tap out.” Teddy Long comes out and says Benoit gets to choose the opponent but first of all, let’s have a triple threat match so everyone can showcase themselves.

Orlando Jordan vs. Christian vs. Booker T.

Joined in progress with Booker getting double teamed but he sends Christian to the floor and beats Jordan up. Everyone heads to the floor with Jordan being sent into the steps but Christian takes Booker down into a neck crank. Christian heads up top so Booker follows him, only to have Jordan come back in for the Tower of Doom. Booker is up first and beats on Christian, including loading up a catapult. Jordan rolls him up though, sending Christian over the top and grabbing the trunks to finish Booker.

Rating: D+. This Jordan stuff needs to stop in a hurry. The joke ran its course but he’s still here despite having no apparent reason to be there. Other than being there for the sake of filling in a spot, what other justification is there? Nothing match of course but that’s probably best for something with Jordan involved.

Post match Benoit comes out and says he’ll fight them off. Makes a lot more sense than another Jordan match.

Vince McMahon comes in to see Teddy and Palmer Cannon. After Palmer sucks up to him, Vince wants to know the Smackdown match for Homecoming. Teddy knows who will be involved, but not who is in it yet. Teddy had four days and couldn’t come up with a match involving three good guys and three bad guys?

Tag Team Titles; Batista/Eddie Guerrero vs. Animal/Heidenreich

Animal/Heidenreich are defending and Eddie’s stomach seems fine this week. The bell rings and we take a break about two seconds in for an Undertaker vs. Ortons ad. Back with Heidenreich throwing Eddie around and firing off rights and lefts in the corner. Eddie makes the mistake of punching Animal so it’s off to Batista for the big power showdown.

Animal kicks him down but misses an elbow and it’s already back to Eddie and Heidenreich. Eddie feigns stomach pain and gets in a low blow. That doesn’t last long though as Heidenreich knocks him down and puts on the chinlock. Animal’s powerslam gets two but Eddie hurricanranas his way out of a Doomsday Device. It’s off to Batista so house can be cleaned, including the Batista Bomb to Heidenreich. Animal makes the save but here’s MNM for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was all about setting up the ending and thank goodness they didn’t change the titles. Eddie vs. Batista is interesting and having them go for the titles like this was fine, as long as they don’t actually win them. That’s a trope that needs to go far, far away and it’s quite the relief that they didn’t go that way this time around. Animal and Heidenreich do need to drop the belts, but not here.

MNM unloads on Batista and Eddie with chairs but Eddie takes one away, only to hit Batista by mistake (allegedly). Batista gets up and clears the ring, seemingly not knowing that Eddie hit him.

Overall Rating: D+. They’re in an interesting stretch here as Eddie vs. Batista is a feud where you have to wait and see what is really going on. That’s not normal for WWE and it’s nice to have a bit of a change. Other than that, Undertaker vs. the Ortons feels like it’s going to be going on beyond No Mercy and JBL vs. Mysterio only has so much potential. This show wasn’t great for the most part, but they do have a direction. I’m just not sure how good of a direction that is.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: September 9, 2005
Location: Gwinnett Center, Duluth, Georgia
Attendance: 4,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s a big night as Smackdown moves over to Fridays, where it would stay for a very long time to come. This is a stacked card with Batista defending the World Title against JBL in a bullrope match, Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio in a cage match and Heidenreich/Animal defending the Tag Team Titles against MNM. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

A small note about this show: the first hour was aired on WWE.com due to a benefit concert for the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Heidenreich/Animal vs. MNM

MNM is challenging with Melina at ringside. Heidenreich rushes both of them to start and the fight is on in a hurry, with Nitro’s flip over him only resulting in a crash. Animal drives Nitro into the barricade and punches Mercury in the face as the dominance is strong early on. Mercury’s arm is wrapped around the post but Melina offers a distraction so he can snap Heidenreich’s throat across the top.

A running knee in the corner lets Nitro hammer away and it’s back to Mercury for a front facelock. With Heidenreich down, Mercury goes up but takes his time, earning himself a slam right back down. The hot tag brings in Animal to clean house but the referee gets bumped. Melina brings in a title but gets caught, allowing Animal to belt Mercury in the head to retain.

Rating: D+. I was kind of surprised by how not horrible this was. Animal and Heidenreich have been champions for about a month now and while they really don’t need to be around much longer, they could have been worse. At least the ending wasn’t clean so there is a reason for a rematch in the near future.

Video on Randy Orton vs. Undertaker with Orton promising to retire the Undertaker.

Here’s Ken Kennedy for his match, but first he needs to tell Tony Chimmel that there are two things he sucks at: announcing and announcing. Kennedy handles his own introduction again and you really can feel the charisma dripping off of him.

Ken Kennedy vs. Paul London

Kennedy elbows him down to start and stomps away, setting up a middle rope elbow. A bearhug (what an odd visual) goes on but London is out in a hurry with a spinning kick to the head. London takes him up but gets caught with the middle rope Regal Roll for the pin, meaning Kennedy can handle the victory announcement.

Rating: D+. Not much to this one but Kennedy continues to roll. It’s easy to see what they see in Kennedy and I could go for more of him. The It Factor is strong with him, though it’s a little weird to have him go from beating Booker T. one week to beating Paul London the next. At least he looked dominant though and that’s the right idea early on.

Theodore Long and Palmer Cannon are shown watching. Yes, the bosses are in fact here.

Paul Burchill vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

Fallout from an attack on Velocity and William Regal is on commentary to make our lives better. Burchill declares himself the most dangerous import since Regal, which makes his eyebrows go up. Scotty slugs away to start but Burchill takes him down by the arm and hammers away. The armbar with a chinlock goes on early on but Scotty fights up. That earns him three straight whips into the post, setting up a shoulder breaker. The Fujiwara armbar makes Scotty tap.

Rating: C-. Burchill is someone else who gets your attention and has the aggression that can take him a long way. That and being out there with Regal will always help him, as the evil British guys is a trope that has worked for years. I liked what I saw here and they’re doing some interesting stuff with the new talent, so well done there.

Kennedy comes up to Sharmell in the back and introduces himself, while bragging about beating Booker T. last week. Sharmell leaves but Kennedy brings up the lack of title shots that Booker T. has received. Like say, against Chris Benoit. Friends shouldn’t let friends drive drunk but they should give friends title shots.

Here’s the Undertaker to deal with the Ortons. Undertaker says that he and death wait for no man so Randy and Bob can get out here right now. Cue the Ortons on the stage and Randy brings out the check for $1,416 towards Undertaker’s retirement fund. If Undertaker wants it, come get it. Instead, Undertaker sends a bolt of lightning to light it on fire. The idea of Undertaker and money is just wrong.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

In a cage and Eddie has new music. Eddie walks right over to him before the bell and hammers away in the corner before sending him into the cage three times in a row. Rey is back up with a spinning armdrag and a monkey flip but the cage prevents a 619. It’s too early to climb though and Eddie powerbombs him down for a double knockdown. Eddie pulls him down again, this time wrenching Rey’s knee (yes, a Mysterio knee injury) and we take a break.

Back with Rey trying to pull Eddie down and getting kicked away. Instead, he jumps up onto the ropes for a super Russian legsweep, because going Russian usually works. Rey goes up again and this time they both wind up sitting on top of the cage for the slugout. It’s Rey getting his legs over the side first but Eddie pulls him back in and they wind up on the top rope instead. In a pretty unique spot, Rey dropkicks him into the cage and they both crash down.

Eddie is back up with a DDT but Rey grabs the leg for the save. Back from another break with Rey hurricanranaing him off the top but tweaking the knee again. Rey goes up again but makes the rather dumb mistake of trying a high crossbody, earning the crash and burn landing. Eddie has the chance to leave but goes up top instead and hits the frog splash to FINALLY beat Rey.

Rating: B. This felt like a weird afterthought with Summerslam already done but at least Eddie FINALLY got a win over Rey. It’s the only way the story could end from Eddie’s side and that’s the right call if they’re going that way. Both guys are ready for something new and that’s long overdue at this point.

Linda McMahon asks you to donate to Hurricane Katrina relief.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan

Benoit is defending and we see both full title matches during his entrance. Jordan misses a right hand and gets Crossfaced for the tap at 22.5 seconds. Yeah it’s still funny.

Video on Batista.

Long and Cannon announce Undertaker vs. Randy Orton for next week.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Batista

Batista is defending in the four corners variety bullrope match. JBL slugs away to start but Batista uses the rope to cut him off in about half a second. The rope gets wrapped around JBL’s neck for a few buckle slaps (complete with the lights so you know who has scored) but JBL breaks it up. That earns him some stomping in the corner so JBL has to hit a big clothesline to cut Batista off again.

A poke to the eye and a kick to the head have Batista down in the corner and a cowbell to the head knocks him silly. That’s good for three turnbuckles but Batista pulls him back again, despite laying on the ropes at the time. Maybe JBL needs to hit the gym a bit harder. JBL hits him low with the rope and we take a break.

Back with Batista carrying him on his shoulders for two buckles but it’s broken up again and reset. The Clothesline From JBL is blocked with a forearm and the whipping begins. The Batista Bomb connects and JBL is busted open. Batista doesn’t mind as we get the slow walk around the ring with both of them hitting three buckles. A spinebuster lets Batista get to the fourth buckle for the win.

Rating: D+. What were you expecting from this one? These matches are only going to be so good with the gimmick limiting what they can do. This was almost every version of this that you’ve ever seen with both of them going cutting the other off and then the near tie to end the show. That’s almost all you see here and the lack of drama really hurt things. Not the worst, but really lame for a main event.

An Undertaker vs. Orton video ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The cage match was good and felt like a big moment, but this show came off as underwhelming. They had a lot of matches that felt important but almost none of them lived up to the hype. For a show on a new night, they didn’t exactly treat it like some major change, but at least we had that one good match. It’s not a bad show, but I was expecting a lot more.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Thunder
Date: March 21, 2001
Location: O’Connell Center, Gainesville, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay

We’ve arrived at the final shows. We’ll start off the final episode of the corporate mandate that was Thunder, which has somehow gotten even less important over the years. The big story coming out of Monday is Ric Flair’s face being pressed onto the back of a donkey and the upcoming Night of Champions on Monday. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Monday and most of the major stories. I’m still curious about who was attacking the Magnificent Seven. For some reason this recap starts with Dusty vs. Flair, goes to Booker vs. Steiner being announced and goes back to Dusty vs. Flair.

Air Raid vs. Jung Dragons

That would be Air Paris/AJ (now Air) Styles, now in matching G-Suits on the way to the ring. Yang and Styles get things going and hit the mat almost immediately with Yang getting two off a rollup. A headscissors gets Styles out of what looked like a Tombstone and it’s Paris sneaking in for a superkick. Everything breaks down for a few seconds before Styles hits the yet to be named Styles Clash (very little reaction from the announcers) for two on Kaz.

Yang comes back in and knocks AJ out to the floor but Raid double teams Yang down to take over for the first time. It’s off to Paris for a double faceplant, only to have Yang hit a running Liger Bomb out of the corner for two. The tag brings in Kaz to clean house with some martial arts but he walks into a Burning Hammer of all things from Paris. Styles dives into a dropkick but he gets up to counter Yang Time.

Air Raid loads up what looked like a superbomb/neckbreaker combo. Well for all I know they might have broken down into a Charleston dance off as the camera cut to the crowd so I’m assuming a botch. Something like an H Bomb gets two on Kaz with Yang making the save. Kaz gets back up and loads up something like Sister Abigail but jumps forward for something like a reverse bulldog for the pin on Styles.

Rating: C+. This was fun while it lasted and a good way for these four to go out. The Dragons went from a pretty generic high flying Japanese team to a downright above average high flying Japanese team. Styles is another name on the list of stars that WCW had though a few matches in a low level tag team aren’t really enough to blame WCW for screwing up again.

We recap the Rhodes Family beating Jeff Jarrett/Ric Flair on Sunday.

Here’s Dustin Rhodes with a bag of goodies and something to say. We see the clip of Flair and the donkey again so Dustin pulls out a game of Pin the Flair on the Jackass. To go with it: mouthwash, chapstick, and a hotel key for Flair and the donkey in case the idea wasn’t clear enough yet. Cue Flair to the screen to make Dustin vs. Jarrett/Scott Steiner for later tonight. Flair rants a lot so Dustin holds up the Horsemen sign but says it means to kiss the donkey again (Four words: Kiss My Daddy’s….)

Jason Jett vs. Cash

That would be Kid Kash. They trade arm holds to start and then flip each other around a bit with Jett being set out to the floor. A good looking slingshot hurricanrana has Jason in trouble but he dropkicks Cash out of the air to take over. Thankfully the announcers stop previewing Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Shawn Stasiak to talk about this match.

Kash sends him outside for a big flip dive off the top and an ECW chant. Back in and a double clothesline (with Kash coming off the middle rope and Jeff flipping into his) puts both of them down. Jett grabs a reverse kneeling piledriver but Kash runs the corner for a bad looking hurricanrana. The Crash Landing is broken up and the Moneymaker (double underhook lifting piledriver) gets two. Jett pops right back up and hits the Crash Landing for the pin.

Rating: C-. And so ends the Jason Jett story. There was potential but he was a far cry from what people like Guerrero and Helms were doing at the time. It could have gone somewhere with more time but alas Jett was another victim of the curse that was WCW going out of business for not knowing how to push people like Jason Jett. Among many other reasons of course.

Flair tries to calm Rick Steiner down after the team accused him of being the attacker.

Cat gives M.I. Smooth a pep talk.

The Cat/M.I. Smooth vs. Animal/Kanyon

Cat kicks Kanyon to start and drives some right hands into his head for good measure. It’s off to Smooth vs. Animal for the power brawl with Animal no selling a clothesline. Smooth no sells a clothesline though and it’s off to Cat, who walks right into a powerslam. A powerbomb out of the corner allows the tag off to Kanyon for some elbows, followed by a swinging neckbreaker.

Animal grabs a neck crank before handing it off to Kanyon for a chinlock. Kanyon’s middle rope Fameasser is countered with a powerbomb out of the corner but Animal breaks up the dancing elbow. Smooth comes in and cleans house on Kanyon as Cat kicks Animal on the floor. A trip puts Kanyon down and a splash gives Smooth the pin.

Rating: D+. Well at least Animal didn’t get the pin. Of all the things WCW did in its final months, hiring Animal is one of the most annoying. It’s such a WCW standard: bring in some name from the past that people don’t care about without his partner when you have people on the roster who could fill the role just as well. I’m sure Animal’s brother booking the show has nothing to do with it.

Rick Steiner vs. Hugh Morrus

Morrus has Konnan with him. As is so often the case in Rick matches, they’re on the floor in about thirty seconds with Steiner no selling Morrus’ offense. Hugh clotheslines the post by mistake so Rick throws him inside for an Angle Slam of all things. The cover only gets two as Rick has to yell at some fans. Well at least he’s doing something right. Rick’s bulldog gets two with Morrus getting his foot on the ropes.

That earns him a Steiner Line but Morrus comes back with a spinwheel kick. Steiner kicks him low (referee is fine with it) and gets in a chair shot (no complaints from the referee). He loads up some Pillmanizing (this referee is incompetent) but calls out Shane Douglas. Shane comes out for the brawl (HOW IS NONE OF THIS A DQ???) and hits Rick in the head with his cast, knocking him into a German suplex to give Morrus the pin.

Rating: D. Even on the final show Rick Steiner can’t pick things up a little bit? I’m assuming this was designed to set up Rick vs. Shane on Nitro (How appropriate: a Walking Dead match on the final Nitro.) or at some point in the future so I’ll actually give them some credit for trying to have some more angles for beyond Monday in case they were around.

Post match Douglas hands Dave Penzer a video. Shouldn’t he hand that to the production truck?

After a break, the tape shows Douglas challenging Steiner to a fight on Nitro. Was there a reason he just didn’t do this live on the mic?

Kid Romeo/Elix Skipper/Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Rey Mysterio/Kidman/Shane Helms

Kidman and Chavo start things off but Guerrero goes after Shane on the apron, allowing Kidman to grab a neckbreaker. Shane comes in for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but a Skipper distraction lets Chavo take over. It’s off to Romeo for some dancing until Shane kicks him in the face. A Samoan drop into a springboard legdrop keeps Romeo in trouble until Skipper gets in a cheap shot from the apron and comes in to take over.

Everyone heads outside for the series of dives in a nice sequence. Back in and Skipper plants Rey with a dragon suplex before handing it off to Chavo without bothering to cover. A Gory Bomb gets two for Chavo but Rey gets in a running DDT to drop Romeo. Kidman’s top rope elbow gets another two as everything breaks down. Chavo saves Romeo from the Vertebreaker so it’s the Kid Crusher to put Romeo away.

Rating: C+. One more good cruiserweight six man to go out on. I’m always a fan of combining two feuds into one match and they did fine here, especially with a challenger pinning a champion (fine as it was a six man and not a regular tag) to wrap it up. There isn’t much to say here but it was exactly what you would expect from these six.

Rick still isn’t happy. Was he ever?

Chuck Palumbo tells Lance Storm to stay out of this match.

Mike Awesome vs. Chuck Palumbo

They’re all alone here as Chuck starts off with that good right hand of his. Mike sends him outside and hits a great looking springboard clothesline, followed by a slingshot splash for two back inside. A camel clutch doesn’t go anywhere so Mike sends him outside again with Chuck’s knees going into the steps. Chuck takes a chair away and blasts Awesome in the back but can’t manage to jump over him in the corner. Not that it matters as Mike drops him anyway, making the whole thing look bad.

With the wrestling not working they head outside for the third time with Mike being whipped into the barricade. Awesome comes back in with a top rope shoulder but takes WAY too long setting up the Awesome Splash, allowing Palumbo to roll away just in time. Cue Storm and O’Haire to fight at ringside, leaving Palumbo to hit the Jungle Kick for the pin.

Rating: C. I like these guys and it’s nice to see them getting a push near the end. O’Haire was the star of the team but Palumbo was good enough to keep a job in WWE for years and have a nice little career of his own. It was certainly bigger than any other Thrillers after leaving WCW, which was probably quite the surprise.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Scott Steiner/Jeff Jarrett

Before the match, Jeff says Booker will be dead after this match, just like his daddy’s career. We go to a break before Dustin’s entrance and come back with Animal finding Flair laid out in the back. Dustin hammers on Jeff in the corner to start but Scott’s distraction lets Jeff escape the Dust Buster. So why didn’t he just climb out on his own earlier? Scott ties Dustin in the Tree of Woe for a bit before Jeff crotches himself on the ropes. The bulldog gets two on Jeff but a pipe shot to the back sets up the Recliner for the quick submission.

Rating: D. What a perfect way for Thunder to go out: heels winning a fairly short, meaningless handicap match with an old face that doesn’t get much of a response from the crowd. Dustin didn’t do anything wrong in this run but time has shown that people don’t really care about Dustin Rhodes on his own. He’s just a guy in trunks who has done an above average job of separating himself from his famous father. That’s commendable, but it’s not that interesting. Goldust is someone people care about while Rhodes is just there and that’s a common problem in wrestling.

Booker comes out for the save and says he’s taking the title.

A group shot of the Thunder production crew ends the show.

Overall Rating: C. This felt more like any given episode of Thunder, which really isn’t surprising given how little Thunder meant. The cruiserweights were good (shocking) and the main event didn’t mean anything so it was all business as usual. Most of this stuff doesn’t matter anyway as Monday is a special show but it was nice to see at least some effort as they close it out.

So that’s Thunder. It’s no secret that the show wasn’t WCW’s idea and only existed because Turner Sports told them to put on a second show. For once you actually can’t pin this one on WCW but it’s not like they did much to help themselves. Looking back at Thunder, in all 147 episodes, I didn’t rate anything, be it match or show overall, higher than a B. In three years and three months, you would think they would somehow have something that high but nothing ever broke that barrier.

Over 147 episodes, a grand total of five received an overall rating higher than a C+. Five. As in less than twice a year this show delivered what I would consider to be a strong episode. In those same 147 episodes, I rated a total of thirty three matches above a C+. Of those thirty three, nine didn’t involve the cruiserweights. Think about that for a minute.

In almost three and a half years, a weekly wrestling show produced nine heavyweight matches that were better than slightly above average. Shockingly enough, every single one of those nine matches involved Chris Benoit, Booker T., Raven or Diamond Dallas Page. So in reality, those four and the cruiserweights were the only people delivering good matches on this show and even they weren’t doing it on a regular basis.

If you want to know why Thunder was such a nothing show, that’s where you start: on a show that had let’s say 900 matches (147 shows at six matches a show would be 882 so we’ll round up a bit), about three percent of the matches were even a little bit above average and nothing would be considered great. At some point, you need to offer something that makes people stick around. Wrestling that is just ok with a bunch of older names having horrible matches to close the shows aren’t going to do it.

Thunder just wasn’t a very good show and much like Smackdown in recent years, you almost never needed to watch it because almost nothing ever happened there. Let’s do a quick comparison with Monday Nitro regarding title changes and look at how many times each title changed hands from the time Thunder debuted until the end of the promotion (not counting the title being vacated):

World Title:

Nitro – 15, Thunder – 4 (Two of which were Kevin Nash awarding himself the title and losing it in the same night, a third being David Arquette and the final one being Nash winning the title, only to give it to Flair the following week on Nitro.). Now to be fair, maybe the bigger problem is that there are nineteen World Title changes on TV alone in just over less than three and a half years.

TV Title:

Nitro – 5, Thunder – 1

United States Title:

Nitro – 15, Thunder – 1

Tag Team Titles:

Nitro – 14, Thunder – 5 (Two of which were on a single show)

Cruiserweight Title:

Nitro – 11, Thunder – 5

Hardcore Title:

Nitro – 9, Thunder – 4

In total, that’s 69 for Nitro and 21 for Thunder. (Again, part of the problem is having ninety title changes on TV in twenty one months. By comparison, in the history of Monday Night Raw, there have been 259 title changes in the history of Monday Night Raw. WCW had more than one third the number of title changes on two TV shows in less than three and a half years than the biggest wrestling show of all time has had in over twenty three years spread over thirteen championships).

That’s the grand summary of why Thunder didn’t work: average at best wrestling most of the time, few major events and a bunch of horrible main events featuring either old wrestlers far past their primes or low level stars in matches people didn’t want to see. Thunder was a horrible idea from the beginning and never got any better. Monday Nitro going away was a major story. Thunder going away was a reminder that Thunder was a show that existed.

Oh and there’s this still active website:

http://cgi.superstation.com/sports/thunder/index.htm

I know TBS saw WCW as a long term investment but this is a bit much.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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