Armageddon 2007
Date: December 16, 2007
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Taz

It’s the final pay per view of the year and it’s more or less a one match show. While there is a Raw main event of Chris Jericho challenging Randy Orton for the Raw World Title, the real main event here is Smackdown World Champion Batista defending the Smackdown World Title against Undertaker and Edge in a triple threat match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks exactly like what you would expect from a show called Armageddon, with clips of the major matches included.

United States Title: MVP vs. Rey Mysterio

MVP is defending and gets his legs kicked out to start. A springboard armdrag sends MVP outside, where he asks for a twenty second time out. Instead he gets Rey hitting a running corkscrew dive for the next big knockdown. Back in and MVP drops him face first onto the top turnbuckle, setting up a running boot to the head for two.

We hit the arm trap chinlock, which is quickly switched into an armbar for a rather meaningful change of pace. Rey tries to fight up and is pulled back down by the head for a clever counter. A fireman’s carry doesn’t work as well for MVP as Rey slips out and grabs a hurricanrana, followed by a springboard seated senton.

MVP is right back up with a shot to the face before going up top and….trying to superplex Rey to the floor. Since that is not very recommended, it’s a slugout on top instead until a super hurricanrana gets two on MVP. With nothing else working, MVP boots him in the face but has to duck a quick 619 attempt. That means Rey can hit the running hurricanrana off the apron, which is enough for MVP to take the countout.

Rating: C+. Nice enough opener here though the ending hurt it a good bit. You can only get so much out of a match that gets some time and then goes nowhere because the champion walks out to save the title. They didn’t have the title change to open things up but at least Rey was able to keep the fans hot.

Post match Rey gives MVP a 619 to blow off some steam.

We look at HHH and Jeff Hardy working together at Survivor Series.

Hardy knows what he has to do and it’s time for him to win a big match. He doesn’t believe in never.

Kane/CM Punk vs. Big Daddy V/Mark Henry

Matt Striker is here with the monsters. Henry shoves Punk around to start and it’s time to think of a new strategy. Punk tries striking away at the leg and gets thrown down again. That’s enough for Punk who brings Kane in to slug away at Henry for some more success. Punk comes back in but gets taken into the wrong corner for the big chop from V. A nasty gorilla press drop puts Punk down again and it’s back to Henry for some more clubbering.

Punk manages to duck a shot though and Kane comes back in for some uppercuts. V’s chokebomb gets two and it’s time to mount Kane, which has to be something that Vince finds hilarious. Thankfully there is no thrusting and Henry slaps on a bearhug. For some reason that doesn’t last long and it’s V coming back in for a clothesline. Kane manages to knock Henry down though and the tag brings in Punk for not the strongest reaction. Everything breaks down and Punk tries the springboard clothesline, which is countered into a Samoan drop to give V the pin.

Rating: C-. This felt like a big time ECW main event so they couldn’t have done much better. What matters here is having V (or Henry as it could have been either) get the pin to set up Punk’s next challenger. You can only have him run from the two of them for so long before it stops mattering and now V should be in line for the next title shot. Or to eat Punk, whichever comes first.

Vickie Guerrero has a victory celebration ready for Edge and says her pain and mental suffering will go away when he wins the title. A kiss for good luck ensues. On the hand that is.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Shawn Michaels

Before the match, Kennedy promises to hurt Shawn. They start fast with an exchange of shots to the face before Shawn goes to the leg to cut him down. Shawn can’t grab a suplex so he takes Kennedy down by the arm instead. We hit the Fujiwara armbar before Shawn goes a little more simple with a hammerlock. Kennedy can’t get out of the armbar so he drives Shawn through the ropes for a crash (and the break) instead.

That works for Shawn, who drives the bar arm into the steps and then stomps away on it back inside. They head to the apron for a breather but this time Kennedy sends him back first into the post to take over. There’s a whip into the corner to set up a running boot and a backbreaker keeps Shawn in trouble. Kennedy goes up but stops himself diving into a raised boot, instead dropping an elbow to the back for two.

The chinlock with a knee in Shawn’s back goes on but Shawn fights up again. This time it’s an elbow to the face and a backdrop to send Kennedy outside. Back in and it’s the flying forearm into the nip up to start Shawn’s real comeback. The top rope elbow looks to set up Sweet Chin Music but Kennedy reverses into a rollup for two. Kennedy sends him into the corner and the Regal Roll connects for two more. The Mic Check is blocked so Kennedy hits him so hard that he hurts his own hand. That’s all Shawn needs to hit the superkick for the pin.

Rating: B-. It wasn’t quite the best that Shawn is capable of doing but even just ok Shawn is still better than almost anyone else is going to be able to do. Kennedy losing is a bit of a surprise, but it isn’t like WWE is going to trust him so soon after multiple missed chances anyway. As usual, Shawn can bring someone up his level though and it worked out well here.

Randy Orton isn’t worried about who he is facing at the Royal Rumble, because he is going to destroy the virus that is Chris Jericho tonight. Orton has taken out all kinds of World Champions so please, don’t save us, but spare us.

Jeff Hardy vs. HHH

Non-title and the winner gets a shot at the WWE Title at the Royal Rumble. The lockup goes to HHH to start as Hardy is shoved down without much trouble. Some shoulders drop hardy again and there’s a clothesline to make it worse. A few armdrags work better for Hardy but they head outside where HHH knocks him down again.

Back in and HHH hits a heck of a slap, which seems to wake Hardy up a bit. It wakes him up enough that he can hit an atomic drop into the basement dropkick for two, which might not have been the best idea. They head outside where HHH whips him hard into the steps, meaning it’s time to drop elbows on Hardy’s back.

Hardy gets an elbow up in the corner and goes up, only to be shoved down for the big crash into the barricade as HHH continues to be smarter/one step ahead. Back in and HHH drops another elbow for two before grabbing the abdominal stretch to stay on the ribs. Hardy slips out of a suplex and hits the enziguri, followed by a dropkick. Some running forearms put HHH down but he rolls away from the slingshot dropkick in the corner.

Hardy is fine enough to knock him outside and of course that means the slingshot dive. Back in and the Whisper in the Wind gets two but the Twist of Fate is countered into a DDT to give HHH his own two. HHH unloads in the corner but gets mule kicked into another corner, setting up the slingshot dropkick. The Swanton misses for a crash though and HHH hits the spinebuster. The Pedigree is loaded up but Hardy reverses into a rollup for the surprise pin and the title shot.

Rating: B. This was the kind of match where you could see the story they were telling throughout. HHH is the Cerebral Assassin but Hardy is more about making it up as you go, meaning HHH was going to get frustrated and ultimately caught in the end. That’s good, logical storytelling and Hardy gets the biggest singles win of his career.

Great Khali is ready to destroy Finlay for saving Hornswoggle at Survivor Series. Tonight, Khali decimates both of them.

Great Khali vs. Finlay

Runjin Singh and Hornswoggle are here too. Khali starts fast with a chop and big boot to send Finlay outside early. Another chop only hits post but Khali tries it again to knock him down. Back in and we hit the nerve hold, followed by a kick to the face to put Finlay down again. Finlay fights out of another nerve hold and grabs the rope, drawing in Hornswoggle to…get tossed down with ease. Finlay grabs the Shillelagh but gets it taken away, allowing Hornswoggle to come in with another Shillelagh for a low blow. One heck of a Shillelagh shot knocks Khali cold to give Finlay the pin.

Rating: D. Just in case Khali hadn’t been damaged enough, he loses here again, albeit to someone who has become one of the stronger midcard stars on Smackdown. Finlay standing up for Hornswoggle is something anyone can get behind because he’s taking care of someone who can’t do it for themselves. Turning Finlay into a good guy is hard enough but they are making it work fairly well here.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton. Jericho came back and wanted a title shot to save WWE from Orton, so here we go.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is challenging and starts fast by dropping him ribs first across the top rope. A spinwheel kick puts Orton on the apron but he’s too smart for the triangle dropkick. Instead he drops to the floor so Jericho can hit a big dive as this is one sided so far. Back in and Jericho slips out of the hanging DDT but can’t get the Walls. Orton is right back with a DDT for two and the slow stomping begins.

We’re already in the chinlock for a bit before Jericho fights back up with a clothesline. Jericho walks into a powerslam though and Orton sends him shoulder first into the post. There’s the required superplex for two but Orton misses the dropkick, allowing Jericho to hit an enziguri.

The Lionsault hits knees though and Orton grabs that backbreaker of his. The RKO is blocked though and Jericho gets in a quick Lionsault for two more. Orton takes it outside and whips him into JBL on commentary, which doesn’t sit well with the cowboy hatted one. Back in and the Codebreaker is blocked but the Punt is countered into the Walls….so JBL comes in to kick Jericho in the head for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Not a great match but the ending was a smart enough way out of this. You don’t want to beat Jericho but Orton hasn’t been champion long enough. Letting JBL get physical again should open enough doors to make for some interesting options. They were trying to get into a higher gear near the end, though I never quite bought that the title was in danger.

Post match Orton hits an RKO for a bonus.

Before the Women’s Title match, here is Jillian Hall to badly sing Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas. Yeah it’s a deal they do all the time, but at least they have something to promote with her (and it’s kind of working).

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Mickie James

Phoenix is defending and powers Mickie around to start as you might have expected. Some knees to the back have Mickie in more trouble and we hit the quickly broken dragon sleeper. Back up and Mickie flips over her out of the corner, only to get caught in a double chickenwing. That’s broken up and a hurricanrana out of the corner gives Mickie a break, setting up a basement dropkick. The MickieDT is countered into a fisherman’s buster to retain the title.

Rating: C-. They had almost no time out here and there was only so much that they could do. It was basically get in, get out and do your thing without burning up time for the big matches and that is pretty limiting. They were working hard while they could and the match didn’t have any problems, but Beth isn’t losing the title in a match that doesn’t even get five minutes on pay per view.

We recap Batista vs. Edge vs. Undertaker for the Smackdown World Title. Batista FINALLY beat Undertaker to get the monkey off of his back but then Edge returned and got involved, attacking both of them in the process. It turns out that Edge is in cahoots (and perhaps more) with General Manager Vickie Guerrero, who got him back in the title picture. Triple threat time.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Undertaker vs. Batista

Batista is defending. Edge drops straight to the floor to start, leaving Batista and Undertaker to slug it out in various places. As Edge looks on, Batista kicks Undertaker in the face and gets glared at for his troubles. Edge finally gets involved by posting Undertaker and knocking Batista down on the floor.

Back in and Batista hits a swinging Boss Man Slam, followed by the driving shoulders in the corner. Undertaker breaks up the powerslam and loads up the apron legdrop but Batista cuts him off with a clothesline. Batista plants Edge again but gets pulled outside again, leaving Undertaker to hit Snake Eyes into the big boot on Edge. That leaves Batista to get pulled into Hell’s Gate….and Edge rings the bell in a clever way out.

Edge comes back in to spear Undertaker for two and grabs some chairs to make it worse. Batista breaks up the Conchairto by kicking Edge in the face and pulls Old School into a spinebuster. There’s a spear to Edge to send him outside…..where another Edge pops out from underneath the ring. Undertaker chokeslams the other Edge (not clear if he knows the difference or not) but has to counter the Batista Bomb. The Tombstone hits Batista but Edge is back in with a chair shot to Undertaker and steals the pin and the title.

Rating: B. The ending was a little weird as the other Edge was never identified or really shown on his own, but they had to put the title back on Edge here, just for the sake of changing things up a bit. Edge and Vickie are the top villains on the show and Batista vs. Undertaker has been done to death. Let someone fresh get in there, especially since Edge never lost the title in the first place. They kept things moving fast enough here and the match didn’t overstay its welcome, with enough action to make it a fun match with the right ending.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s enough good stuff on here to make the show good, but the weaker parts really did make it clear that this was a low level pay per view. The main event and Hardy vs. HHH were both good, but you can tell that things need to pick up on the way to the Royal Rumble. It’s nice that things are wrapping up here though, because the road here hasn’t been the most interesting.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Armageddon 2006
Date: December 17, 2006
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Attendance: 8,200
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re wrapping up the pay per view year with a Smackdown offering and it isn’t looking like the most important show. The card features a triple main event, including a Last Ride match, an Inferno match and a tag match with John Cena coming over from Raw as a guest star. I’m not sure if that is going to be enough but they certainly have some star power. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at the triple main event, which is nearly half of the card.

Kane vs. MVP

Inferno match, meaning the ring is surrounded by fire and you set your opponent on fire to win. After his intro, we get a video on MVP coming to Smackdown and getting on Kane’s bad side, setting up this match. MVP tries to bail but gets stopped by the flames, meaning it is time for Kane to start hammering away in the corner. A backdrop makes the flames pop up and there’s a forearm to the back of the head, which does nothing to the flames because it isn’t a big crash.

Kane’s superplex is broken up and MVP hits a high crossbody as they continue to use moves they don’t use in regular matches. MVP hits a running boot in the corner but Kane is back with a big boot of his own. The chokeslam connects and Kane rips a turnbuckle pad off…but it puts the flames out when he tries to light it on fire for no apparent reason. Instead Kane hits a side slam and sends MVP outside, setting up the top rope clothesline. Kane avoids being sent into the fire and chokes MVP into it for the win.

Rating: D. I’m not sure how much better this could have been as it is the kind of match that does not leave you with many options. They are stuck in the ring and the whole match is designed to tease the fire spot. Throw in the fact that so many of the moves and spots are designed to make the flames go up rather than anything they would usually do. They were trying, but you can only do so much.

Post match, MVP gets extinguished as JBL freaks out a lot.

Teddy Long is having a Christmas party for the Divas and has a present for them: a Naughty or Nice lingerie contest. Good thing they bring that stuff with them I guess.

JBL is still incensed over MVP as we kill off some time for the fire equipment to be removed.

Tag Team Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Dave Taylor/William Regal

London and Kendrick are defending….but hold on as here is Teddy Long, who is still in the Christmas spirit. Let’s make this a little more fun.

Tag Team Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Dave Taylor/William Regal

London and Kendrick are defending and this is now a ladder match. Hold on again though as Long isn’t done.

Tag Team Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Dave Taylor/William Regal vs. MNM vs. Hardys

London and Kendrick are defending and this is now a ladder match. I’m not sure what authority Long has over Raw stars appearing in teams that don’t exist anymore but oh well. JBL: “There is nobody better in ladder matches than the Hardys.” This is true as they won….no that was Edge and Christian. Uh….no that one was too. I’m sure they were the best like once or twice or so!

Anyway, it’s a brawl to start until we get the Hardys vs. London/Kendrick showdown, much to the fans’ delight. The Spin Cycle plants Kendrick but the villains come back in to clean house. MNM and the Hardys get in a fight over who gets to bring in the ladders with the Hardys throwing them inside, though managing to avoid the Brits. Poetry In Motion hits Taylor and MNM gives him a Snapshot to make it worse.

Matt whips Kendrick into a ladder (ow) but London dropkicks Jeff off of another ladder. Mercury climbs up so a bunch of people pick up the ladder and drop it, including Mercury, onto the ropes, sending Mercury onto Nitro on the floor. Another Poetry In Motion misses in the corner and only hits the ladder to knock Jeff silly again. London’s climb is cut off in a hurry and Kendrick is pulled down after getting just slightly higher. Matt gets dropped onto a bridged ladder for a top rope double stomp from Kendrick but gets up to stop Jeff from being superplexed onto some ladders.

Instead Jeff turns the ladder into a seesaw, which smashes Mercury’s nose halfway out of the arena, leaving him gushing blood and in no shape to continue. The replay shows Mercury’s head snapping back in a rather scary looking visual. Regal and Taylor get back up to start taking over and suplex London into a ladder in the corner. Matt gets up for a save and neckbreakers Taylor as Jeff brings in another ladder (and you can see the blood pooled up on the floor).

Nitro knocks the ladder out from under Jeff on the floor for another crash and then drops another down onto Regal inside. This time it’s Kendrick making the save so London springboards in with a dropkick to cut Nitro off. London catches Matt on top and hammers away until Matt backdrops him down for another huge crash.

Now it’s Nitro and Jeff’s turn, with Jeff busting out a huge sunset bomb. Matt climbs a pair of ladders but the Brits pull him down in a hurry. A running knee to the head drops Matt and Regal goes up, only to have Kendrick bring him down for a huge crash. London goes up top, punches Matt down, and pulls down the titles to retain.

Rating: A-. It deserves a bit of an upgrade just because of how bad Mercury’s face looked. This was all about one big spot after another and that worked out very well, as you kind of knew these teams would be able to do. Taylor and Regal felt out of their element but you need someone there to offer a change of style. London and Kendrick continue to look unstoppable and the idea of them against the Hardys is rather dream matchish at this point.

Kristal tries out her lingerie and JBL doesn’t seem to remember MVP’s troubles.

Miz vs. Boogeyman

JBL: “You had an inferno match, you had a ladder match and now you have this unfettered jackass.” Miz brags about beating Boogeyman tonight and JBL rants over him, as only Miz can make JBL this incensed. Boogeyman gyrates around to start and knocks Miz outside as JBL tries to figure out why Miz’s hair is cut that way. Cole thinks Miz winning here would be a huge upset. JBL: “Miz being in the ring would be a huge upset. He’s in the ring and I’m upset.” Boogeyman hits a backdrop but Miz hits a quick shot to the face. Miz goes up top, only to dive into a chokebomb (which takes a second to get right) for the pin.

Post match, Miz gets wormed.

Chavo Guerrero dedicates his US Title match to Vickie Guerrero, who thanks him for being a real man.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero, with Chavo accusing Benoit of being a woman beater due to accidentally running into Vickie at Survivor Series.

US Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Chavo is defending and has Vickie Guerrero with him. Chavo jumps him to start but Benoit chops away and forearms him in the face. Some right hands keep Chavo down and Benoit throws him outside to keep up the beating. Back in and the rolling German suplexes have Chavo rocked but it’s way too early for the Swan Dive.

Instead Chavo catches him on top for the superplex for two before starting in on the back. The reverse chinlock goes on so Benoit fights up, earning himself another knee to the back to keep him in trouble. Benoit’s Crossface attempt is broken up and Chavo gets to pose a bit. Chavo ties him in the Tree of Woe but a baseball slide only hits post. He’s fine enough to rake the eyes, hit the Eddie dance, and try Three Amigos.

That takes too long as well though as Benoit rolls eight straight German suplexes for a standing ovation. The threat of the Sharpshooter draws in Vickie with the title so Benoit tries it on her, only to get rolled up by Chavo for two. You don’t do that to Benoit, who reverses into the Sharpshooter to retain.

Rating: C+. These two work well together, though I’m not sure how much drama there was in the idea of Chavo winning the title. He has been well built and the story seemed to call for the change, but that is a bit too far to imagine Chavo actually going. Benoit winning is fine too, as he could put over a bigger, or at least more promising, name down the line.

Cruiserweight Title: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Gregory Helms

Helms is defending. They go technical to start and that means an early standoff. Yang takes him down and goes up but has to bail out of a moonsault attempt. A quick suplex sets up an even more quickly broken chickenwing as Helms sends him outside. Some forearms to the back set up a neck snap across the top, followed by some choking. Yang manages a backdrop to the floor and a dive drops Helms again.

Back in and Helms kicks him down, setting up the chinlock to draw the BORING chants. JBL even acknowledges it and yells at the fans for not getting it (fair enough as it’s not that bad). Yang makes the comeback and hits a spinwheel kick in the corner for his own two. Helms catches him on top and hits a super neckbreaker as the chants continue. A dropkick knocks Helms out of the air and Yang goes up, only to miss a corkscrew moonsault. Helms grabs a yet to be named Codebreaker to retain.

Rating: C+. Pretty good here and the boring chants were fairly ridiculous. The problem is there is no reason to care about the title and WWE has made it even worse. At the end of the day, the title means nothing and the fact that Helms barely ever defends the thing makes it worse. Just saying that Helms has held the title forever isn’t going to make fans care about it. Having matches like this over and over could, but I have no reason to believer that is the case.

We recap Undertaker vs. Mr. Kennedy in the Last Ride match, which feels like the real main event of the show. Kennedy has attacked Undertaker a few times and even busted him open with a microphone. After Kennedy and MVP accidentally conspired to beat Undertaker in a First Blood match at Survivor Series, it is time to end Kennedy once and for all.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

Last Ride match, meaning a casket match but with a hearse that has to be driven out of the arena. The hearse is wheeled into the arena and Kennedy gets to promise to beat Undertaker again. Kennedy dodges around to start and the referee bails outside (Why was he in there in the first place?). Undertaker gets sick of the movement and grabs Kennedy by the neck, meaning the beating is on in a hurry.

There’s a toss over the announcers’ table and then another into the apron but Kennedy manages to get in a shot of his own. Kennedy’s dive off the apron is pulled out of the air, with Undertaker tossing him around again. They fight up to the hearse, with Undertaker being driven into the closed door. It’s way too early to get him inside and close the door though, with Undertaker kicking his way out. Kennedy gets dropped onto the steps and they head back inside with Undertaker nailing a superplex.

They’re already back outside with Kennedy getting smart by jumping onto Undertaker’s back for the choking. The unconscious Undertaker is sent inside but comes out the front door to escape and hammer away. Back in and Kennedy grabs a chair to knock Undertaker silly a few times, earning himself some quick situps. Kennedy bails and the chase is on as they head up the set. Undertaker is then thrown off said set, which is quite the crash that lands on a big pad.

We cut to some fans chanting for Kennedy as he puts the unconscious Undertaker inside for the second time. Kennedy gets in the driver’s seat and Undertaker sits up in the back (obvious but it worked). Undertaker pulls him out and hits a chair to the back. Another one to the head busts Kennedy open and there’s a chokeslam onto the roof. The Tombstone onto the roof knocks Kennedy silly and Undertaker puts him inside for the win.

Rating: B. It was violent and pretty definitive, though Undertaker winning the big blowoff in the end didn’t do Kennedy the biggest favors. What matters here though is that Kennedy got to look at least somewhat even in this big of a match against Undertaker. I’m not sure if it lived up to the brutality that JBL promised, but it was the best thing on the show so far and felt like a main event.

Finlay and King Booker promise to not double cross each other. Bickering begins to ensue but Queen Sharmell comes in to say cool it because they need each other. Finlay says he has the Leprechaun and all Booker has is Sharmell. Booker and Sharmell are incensed.

Here’s Santa Claus, sending JBL into a bit about wanting to buy the North Pole and cook the reindeer. Santa says it is cold at the North Pole so it’s time to heat things up here. Therefore, it’s time for the Diva lingerie contest. We have Kristal, Layla, Jillian Hall and Ashley. They all take their time modeling/dancing and the fans are a little more pleased with Layla and Ashley. Everyone winds up winning and Santa disrobes as Big Dick Johnson. Dancing ensues.

We recap Batista/John Cena vs. Finlay/King Booker. Batista has been dealing with both of them and gets to pick any partner he wants for the match. Guest starring ensued.

Batista/John Cena vs. Finlay/King Booker

Batista has a banged up arm coming in and Queen Sharmell is here with the villains. Cena and Booker get things going with a lockup until Booker drives him into the corner. Some knees to the ribs don’t do much good as Cena armdrags him into an armbar. Batista and Finlay come in with Batista grinding away on a headlock. Finlay gets up a knee in the corner but dives into Batista’s arms.

That means something like a MuscleBuster of all things with Booker breaking up the cover and coming in off the tag. A clothesline gets two on Booker and it’s back to Cena with a bulldog. Finlay has to break up the STFU and the distraction lets Sharmell slip Booker the scepter. A shot to Cena’s throat gives Booker two and a quick cheap shot from the Leprechaun has Cena in even more trouble.

Cena slips away from Booker and grabs a DDT though and they’re both down. The hot tag brings in Batista to clean house and a Boss Man Slam drops Booker. Everything breaks down and Finlay chairs Batista in the leg. The chair is kicked back into Finlay and the leg is fine enough for a spinebuster on Booker. The Batista Bomb is enough for the pin.

Rating: C-. I believe the words ho-hum would apply here, as this felt like little more than a house show main event. Seeing Cena and Batista together is cool, but it isn’t like this came off as anything close to feeling like a pay per view main event. It wasn’t a bad match as they kept this short and to the point, but it still wasn’t exactly something that felt like it belonged in this spot save for the star power.

Posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: B. Maybe it was the lower expectations but I had a good time with this one. The opener is the only thing that was particularly bad, and if you ignore the fact that this show means absolutely nothing and was only there because something had to be, you should have some fun with the thing. The ladder match is excellent and the Last Ride match is quite good as well. Good show here, even if it isn’t going to mean a thing in the long term.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

IMG Credit: WWE

Armageddon 2005
Date: December 18, 2005
Location: Dunkin Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re almost done with the year and we’ll wrap it up inside the Cell with Undertaker vs. Randy Orton in the final blowoff. Other than that, it’s the Raw Tag Team Champions vs. the Smackdown Tag Team Champions as Big Show/Kane face Rey Mysterio and Batista. I think you can tell they’re wrapping the year up with that second big match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is all about Undertaker vs. Orton. Fair enough in this case.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Matt Hardy

JBL’s leg is fine after being on crutches Friday. Before Matt comes out, JBL talks about how the smallest state has the biggest star tonight. Matt always talks about how he will not die, even though he lost his girlfriend and got fired. The shirt should say “I wish I was dead.” Matt’s intro cuts JBL off and the fight is on in a hurry. JBL slugs away and sends him into the ropes, with Matt’s head getting tied between them. Ever the villain, JBL kicks the tied head and then pulls on Matt’s legs.

The referee finally gets Matt loose so JBL drops a bunch of elbows. There’s another kick to the head but Matt fights up and hits a DDT for two. A big running shoulder takes Matt down again and JBL pokes him in the eye for good measure. Matt gets in a shot of his own and hits a top rope moonsault for two. JBL gets a turnbuckle pad off though and Matt gets whipped into the steel, setting up the Clothesline From JBL for the pin.

Rating: D+. This felt like it was added to fill in some time on the show as an interrupted interview isn’t exactly a hot angle to set up a pay per view match. On the one hand it makes sense to boost JBL up so he can be fed to someone else later, but my goodness it’s hard to watch Matt bounce down the ranks like he’s been doing.

We recap Melina failing to get Batista to back out of the Tag Team Title match on Friday. Batista and Rey Mysterio would go on to win the titles.

The Mexicools offer to cancel the match tonight in exchange for some, ahem, favors for Melina. She isn’t interested.

We look at Undertaker massacring Mankind inside the Cell. That one still has so much impact as Foley probably shouldn’t have survived.

MNM vs. Mexicools

Psicosis/Super Crazy for the Mexicools in a match that was supposed to be for the titles until Batista and Rey happened. Mercury works on Psicosis’ arm to start and it’s already off to Nitro, who is armdragged straight down. Psicosis misses his running dropkick in the corner as Cole makes various Melina jokes. MNM gets knocked outside for a dive from Psicosis, followed by Crazy diving over the referee in a cool spot.

Back in and Mercury stomps on Psicosis, followed by Nitro breaking up a sunset flip with a stomp to the face. Nitro’s breakdancing legdrop sets up a front facelock, followed by some straight right hands to the face. Psicosis gets in an enziguri though and the hot tag brings in Crazy to clean house. A tornado DDT gets two on Mercury and, after Melina is shoved off the apron, the moonsault hits Mercury for two with Nitro making the save. Back up and the Snapshot is good for the fast pin on Crazy.

Rating: C+. The Mexicools are a good lucha team and could have some nice high flying matches like this one. It’s a good idea to have MNM beat a high energy team like that before they get their rematch for the titles. If nothing else, it’s nice to act like there is an actual division rather than two teams fighting over the titles for a change.

Sharmell doesn’t like Booker being asked a question and says tonight, Booker is sweeping Chris Benoit. Interviewer Krystal can ride the broom home if she can’t find a car.

We recap the best of seven series, with Booker cheating to go up 3-0.

Booker T. vs. Chris Benoit

Booker is up 3-0 so it’s a title match for him. The early lockup doesn’t go anywhere but Booker stalls on the floor anyway. Back in and Booker drives him into the corner for a clean break so Benoit chops him to the floor. Back in again and Benoit takes him to the mat without much trouble but Booker actually grabs a hammerlock to take over. A quick Crossface attempt sends Booker outside again for another breather.

Booker gets back in so Benoit starts in on the leg but Booker is up again in a hurry. A back elbow to the face drops Benoit again and a hard suplex gives Booker two. Benoit is right back up with a snap German suplex for two, only to have Booker knee him to the floor. They chop it out until Benoit gets posted to cut him off again. The abdominal stretch goes on back inside but Benoit hiptosses his way to freedom.

A double clothesline gives us a double knockdown but it’s Benoit up first with the rolling German suplexes, plus Three Amigos for a bonus. Sharmell uses the broom to break up the Swan Dive though and Booker hits the missile dropkick for two. Sharmell offers another distraction and gets in a low blow so Booker’s ax kick can connect for two more.

The Crossface sends Booker to the ropes so Benoit rolls more German suplexes. Now it’s the Swan Dive for two but the referee gets bumped. Benoit gets the Sharpshooter to make Booker tap. That’s released so Benoit can check the referee, meaning Booker can try the Book End, which is reversed into a DDT. Now the Crossface can make Booker tap to make it 3-1.

Rating: B. These two can do this without missing a beat every single time and that was the case again here. Benoit had to fight to survive here and that will likely be the case again going forward. That being said, it’s getting a little more difficult to care about seeing a fourth match and the next three (more than likely) are going to have even less interest. Then again, the quality is still good so what do I know?

Undertaker chokeslammed Rikishi off the Cell. They do know we saw these clips on Smackdown right?

Here are Teddy Long and Palmer Cannon to thank the fans for a great 2005. They have a treat for the fans: Santa Claus and his elf, who may very well be Vito and Nunzio. They aren’t your traditional Santa and elf though as they’re tired of giving and want their own presents. Maybe a Tag Team Title shot, or a Cruiserweight Title shot! Cannon has a gift for them, so here’s the Boogeyman to sing a Christmas carol about how he’s coming to get you. Pain ensues and worms are consumed in a hurry as Vito has some issues controlling his inner functions, meaning the suit is probably ruined.

Video on Undertaker vs. Randy Orton to set up the Cell match. It feels like they’re filling in a lot of time here, though this might be to clear the ring.

Bobby Lashley vs. William Regal/Paul Burchill

Burchill starts for the team and actually takes Lashley down for some knees and elbows to the back. Regal comes in for more of the same, followed by Burchill’s knee to the back for two. Lashley drives Regal into the corner without much trouble and then snaps off a suplex to send Regal into the corner. The powerslam plants Regal though and a Dominator finishes Burchill without much trouble.

Rating: D+. Another match that could have been on Smackdown, but do we really need Lashley in a handicap match beating two low level guys? We’ve seen something like this for months now and Lashley was already in the main event of a major pay per view. It’s kind of a step backwards, but if this is the only rehab he needs, he should be fine.

And now, we go to the Friendly Tap, owned by former WWE referee Tim White. He doesn’t seem happy here and keeps drinking, even as we see him refereeing HHH vs. Chris Jericho inside the Cell in 2002. White injured his shoulder in the match and he says it ruined his life. He took it out on his wife and his family doesn’t talk to him anymore. White doesn’t have anything to live for anymore, so Josh Matthews wishes him a White Christmas. Josh: “Get it? Because your name is White!” In response, White whips out a shotgun, steps off camera, and fires.

This would lead to one of the most tasteless and, given what would happen in the company about a year and a half later, horrible series of segments ever with Lunchtime Suicides, where White would attempt to kill himself in a variety of ways for the next several weeks. That would be one of those things that WWE would bury in their archives while fans tried to figure out what the heck they were thinking with the videos.

So a former WWE name just shot himself on live pay per view. Less than fifteen seconds later, it’s time for our next match. Can’t grieve forever I guess.

Cruiserweight Title: Kid Kash vs. Juventud Guerrera

Kash is challenging and they hammer away at each other to start. A running dropkick stops Kash and a headscissors takes him down again. Juvy gets two off a standing hurricanrana and the Fujiwara armbar goes on. A backdrop puts Kash on the floor for a slingshot dive but Kash takes over on the arm. Back in and the armbar has Juvy in trouble so Kash sends him shoulder first into the buckle.

There’s a hammerlock slam for two as Cole talks to Tazz about Hooked on Phonics, because we’re supposed to ignore Tim White shooting himself five minutes ago. Kash’s double jump moonsault hits knees and Juvy kicks him in the face. They both wind up on top with Juvy snapping off a super hurricanrana for a delayed two. The Juvy Driver sets up….actually a flipping legdrop instead of the 450 but it doesn’t connect anyway. Kash hits the Dead Level brainbuster for the pin and the title.

Rating: C. This was another match that could have been on any given Smackdown (a trend tonight), though it still comes after a suicide on live television. I know it wound up being a joke but the shock value alone should be enough to pause for a second instead of going straight into another match. That’s not something that you can just drop and it isn’t working here whatsoever. It doesn’t help when you go to the Cruiserweight Title match, which is hardly top level interesting stuff in the first place.

We recap the Raw vs. Smackdown tag team match. It’s fallout from Survivor Series and the Smackdown Special, with Kane and Big Show attacking Rey Mysterio, drawing in Batista to help him out. They’re both Tag Team Champions as well.

Batista/Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show/Kane

Non-title and Batista starts with Big Show. Batista gets launched into the corner early on and then Show does it again for a bonus. A waistlock doesn’t work either for Batista so he slugs away and gets a boot up in the corner. The chokeslam attempt is broken up and Show kicks him in the face. Kane comes in and gets suplexed in a hurry, only to come back with the side slam. The top rope clothesline misses though and it’s off to Rey for some sticking and moving.

That just earns him a stare from Kane so Rey hammers away in the corner. Rey kicks him into the 619 position as everything breaks down. Rey gets taken to the floor with Show posting him and then tossing Rey over the top in a heap. Back in and Rey can’t get anywhere with right hands to Kane so he goes with the sitout bulldog instead. The hot tag brings in Batista for a spear and spinebuster to Kane. Batista and Show fight to the floor, leaving Kane to pop up for a chokeslam and the fast pin.

Rating: D+. What in the world was that? This was the second biggest show on the card and it felt like a house show main event where they wanted to get out of town and hit the road as fast as possible. There was nothing to this one and it’s pretty annoying that they changed the Tag Team Titles for the sake of this. I know it doesn’t matter in the short or long term, but this could have been a lot more, even though it was hardly important in the first place.

One more Undertaker Cell clip: destroying Shawn Michaels in 1997.

The Cell is lowered.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

Inside the Cell in case you don’t have the best attention span and Bob Orton is here with Randy. Orton runs away to start and tries a headlock, which earns him a hard knockdown. Back in and Undertaker’s own headlock doesn’t last long as Orton escapes and gets two off a dropkick. Some right hands in the corner just annoy Undertaker, who launches Orton into the corner and hammers away. They head outside with Undertaker kicking him in the face to send Orton crawling away in a great visual.

One heck of a chair shot drops Randy so Undertaker rakes Orton’s face across the Cell. That lets Cole compare it to a cheese grater to the head, as usual making me wonder why he knows what that is like. Orton is busted open as Undertaker wraps a chain around his throat, followed by a lawn darting into the Cell. Back up and Orton manages an RKO across the top rope (a variation you don’t get very often) for his first major offense.

The steps bounce off of Undertaker’s head to bust him open and adds another chair shot. Undertaker falls back to the floor but manages a headbutt, followed by a whip into the Cell. Back in and Undertaker goes up top (!), only to miss a top rope elbow. Orton brings in a chair as Undertaker falls outside again, with Bob grabbing him by the hair through the Cell. Bob gets punched and kicked in the face to bust him open as well.

Randy jumps Undertaker from behind and powerslams him into the Cell for two on the floor. Back in and Undertaker’s running clothesline gets two, followed by Old School. Snake Eyes into the big boot into the legdrop gets two and it’s a chokeslam to plant Orton. That’s only good for two though as Orton gets his foot on the rope. Normally I would roll my eyes and ask “In the Cell?” but it’s even dumber when they just had a near fall on the floor, meaning falls count anywhere, except in the ropes.

Orton fights back and puts Undertaker on the table for a top rope splash partially through it for two. The Last Ride out of the corner is countered so Undertaker punches out the referee. The RKO connects for no cover so here’s another referee to come in, with Bob (holding the urn), following him.

Undertaker kicks out at two and sits up, setting up the Last Ride. Bob takes out the second referee and gets sent into the Cell to make the blood even worse. Randy counters the Tombstone into one of his own (Tazz: “I’ve never seen anyone do that!”) and Undertaker can’t sit up. He does on the second time, blocks the RKO, urns and Tombstones Bob, and Tombstones Randy for the pin.

Rating: B+. This got going big near the end as it felt like a violent fight instead of a match that happened to take place in the Cell. That’s what the match needed to be and it worked well as Undertaker can still turn it on. Orton got going rather well too, and even though he was in way over his head, it was a heck of a fight that they needed to blow the feud off once and for all.

Undertaker poses on top of the Cell with the urn to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. There are two rather good matches on here but that’s not enough to save the rest of this mess. Of the seven matches on the card, three of them felt like they belonged on a pay per view and one of them was a big disappointment. I need a lot more than this for a two hour and forty minute show and it just didn’t work. Smackdown was in a bad place at the moment and while Booker vs. Benoit and the Cell were good, it’s not enough to warrant a pay per view level price.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Armageddon 2004
Date: December 12, 2004
Location: Gwinnett Center, Duluth, Georgia
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the final, and normally least inspired, pay per view of the year and this time around it’s all about JBL to make things even less interesting. Tonight JBL is defending the title against Undertaker, Eddie Guerrero and Booker T. in a four way, which takes away a lot of the talent from the rest of the card. Other than that we have….I guess the other big match is the Tough Enough boxing match? Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses entirely on the main event, which really is all that matters on this show.

Tag Team Titles: Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio vs. Rene Dupree/Kenzo Suzuki

Rob and Rey are defending after winning the titles earlier this week. Kenzo headscissors Rob down to start so it’s a bunch of flips to get us to a standoff. The (first of many) kick to the face drops Kenzo and it’s the 420 for two with Cole again explaining it as fast as he can. He does add in “of course” before the explanation, because it’s the ONLY possible meaning. Rey gets whipped hard into the corner and it’s the challengers taking over for the first time. Rene comes in and gets cocky so Rey picks up the pace but a Kenzo distraction cuts that off.

That earns Kenzo a springboard kick from Rob, knocking him into a powerbomb to the floor from Rey. The spinning kick to the back hits Rene in the back but he’s right back with a good looking dropkick to the face. Rob shrugs that off and catapults Rene into a springboard seated senton, which barely connects and didn’t look very good as a result. Kenzo gets in a kick of his own and the chinlock goes on. That doesn’t last long either as Rob kicks his way out and brings Rey in.

This time it’s Hiroko offering a distraction so Rene can get in a neck snap across the top. Cue Torrie to chase Hiroko off, leaving Kenzo to drop a knee for two on Rey. An armbar starts in on Rey’s arm and Rene adds a dropkick to the shoulder. Normally it would make more sense to go after Rey’s knee but at least there’s an idea. Rene’s powerbomb is broken up and Rey dives for the tag but Rene stops it with ease. The villains cut the ring off again with Kenzo hitting a running clothesline for two.

We now pause for the French Tickler, with Kenzo adding his own while on the apron. The dancing takes too long (as always) and Rene goes shoulder first into the post, allowing the hot tag off to Van Dam. Everything breaks down and the Chalupa Roll (slingshot legdrop/Rolling Thunder) gets two on Rene with Kenzo making the save. A sloppy looking crossbody gets the same on Rene with Kenzo saving again. Rey is fine enough to hit the double 619 and the Five Star to Rene retains the titles.

Rating: B-. Not too bad here as the chemistry continues. They got some extra time here to make things that much better, as Kenzo and Rene had some good, old school styling. Rob and Rey winning the titles here would have been a nice moment but it’s not like it’s that big of a problem one way or another. Good opener, though there was some sloppiness to overcome.

Daniel Puder promises to make Mike Mizanin feel the two true pains: his right and his left. He says Mike over and over again and stumbles a few times, but the intensity helps.

Here’s Kurt Angle for a bonus Kurt Angle Invitational before his scheduled match later tonight. Angle has found a perfect challenger, who is admired by millions and takes his job very seriously. Ladies and gentlemen, SANTA CLAUS!!! Santa throws out candy to the fans but Angle says he needs to get back to the North Pole with Tazz and the other elves. Kurt doesn’t like him though because his daughter only wants to write letters to Santa instead of talking to him. Tonight, Santa is tapping out.

Kurt Angle vs. Santa Claus

Angle Slam and ankle lock for the win in 45 seconds. I bet he gets Cole for Christmas.

Mizanin says he’s never been an underdog and he won’t look stupid tonight. The underdog is going to have some bite tonight. It’s not much of a promo but the last two he’s had have had a point to them and he’s stuck with it so he’s learning.

Long recap of the entire Tough Enough contest so far.

Daniel Puder vs. Mike Mizanin

This is a boxing match with three one minute rounds and Al Snow on commentary. Theodore Long comes out for a long introduction and we actually have boxing commission representatives and a state issued referee because this is apparently serious. They both go nuts with punches with Miz (thank goodness that name is officially used now and I don’t have to go back and change it every time) throwing wildly and Puder showing what is likely some boxing training for MMA. Puder slips a bit and goes down to a knee with neither being a definitive winner.

Tazz actually brings up the Brawl For All between the rounds, likely earning himself a fine. The second round is a lot more subdued as they’re both winded. Puder gets in a clear rabbit punch and a few good shots have Miz staggered to end the round. The fans are loudly booing now as round three starts and they slug it out again with Puder getting the better of it to wrap things up. Puder wins on a fan decision, which is the right call as he won the second and third rounds. This was awful in case that wasn’t clear.

Post match Miz says Puder has a great overhand right. Puder says this isn’t his fight and he’s all about breaking arms.

Eddie Guerrero and Booker T. want to hurt JBL tonight and take the title. They both think they could beat each other but they each find the other’s idea hilarious. Eddie remembers that they have to deal with Undertaker though and they agree to team up against the other two. Undertaker comes in, stares at both of them, and keeps walking. You don’t see Undertaker in these segments very often and it felt out of place for him.

Basham Brothers vs. Charlie Haas/Hardcore Holly

Bonus match because only a handful of matches got any kind of proper build on this show. Holly headlocks Doug to start and hits some chops in the corner, followed by some general stomping. It’s off to Haas, who gets sent into the corner so the Bashams can take over. That lasts all of three seconds until Haas armdrags Danny down, only to get kicked in the back. The chinlock doesn’t last long so Danny punches him in the face for two.

An exploder suplex gets Haas out of trouble and it’s Holly coming in with a top rope clothesline. Cue Dawn Marie to check on Charlie, drawing out Jackie Gayda to yell. As Charlie’s life continues to crumble around him (I feel so sorry over a professional wrestler having two gorgeous women fighting over him), Doug gets the worst small package I’ve ever see (it didn’t go down smoothly and Holly’s shoulders were so far off the mat I couldn’t tell who was covering whom) for the pin.

Rating: D-. It’s a really bad sign when a show needs this kind of filler to break the two and a half hour mark. This was awful and would have been bad anywhere, even as a middle of the show match on Velocity. The Bashams aren’t the worst team in the world but they’re involved with the World Champion and needed the love triangle to beat Holly and Haas. Just bad all around.

We recap John Cena vs. Jesus. Cena lost the US Title to Carlito and was then stabbed in a club later that night. Then he came back and destroyed the injured Carlito to win the title back. Tonight Cena gets to beat up Jesus, who is likely the person who stabbed him. This was Cena’s launch up to the next level as he was suddenly this main event level monster with a fire in his eyes and you knew it was a matter of time before he took over the show.

US Title: John Cena vs. Jesus

Cena is defending and it’s a street fight with falls counting anywhere. Just to rub in the awful of this show, Cena debuts the spinner US Title design which would beget the most annoying title in wrestling history. Jesus, still carrying Cena’s chain, and Carlito mock Cena’s kidney injury because they’re not that bright. Cena starts before the bell and hits one of the longest strings of punches I can remember to knock Jesus silly early on.

Carlito slips Jesus a kendo stick for a shot to the bad kidney but Cena takes it away and beats on Jesus even more. The stick is broken over Jesus’ arm and Cena glares Carlito up the ramp. A busted open Jesus is kicked into the crowd and Cena knocks him around the arena as this is completely one sided. Carlito runs back in for a cheap shot to save Jesus from being thrown off a balcony but Cena doesn’t seem to mind. The beating takes Jesus back to ringside and some metal shots to the head make things even worse. The FU finishes Jesus in a complete squash.

Rating: D. This was a squash that just happened to go about eight minutes. It was smart to have Cena pushed this hard because it’s not like anyone was buying Jesus as a threat to the title at all. After a performance like that, there is no way you can hold him back from the main event much longer and I think WWE knows it. This was it for Jesus too, as there wasn’t much you could do with him at the moment without a big repackaging.

Jackie promises to finish Dawn once and for all tonight. Charlie is sick of this but puts on his referee shirt anyway. She promises to make it up to him tonight, which calms him down a bit. Charlie makes sure she takes her engagement ring off and puts it in his pocket.

Dawn Marie vs. Jackie Gayda

Charlie comes out with Jackie, just in case you were expecting impartiality. They trade slaps to start and then slug it out. Dawn gets the better of it and sends her into the buckle, followed by the rolling over the referee spot. A rollup with tights gives Dawn the pin.

Post match Charlie admits to the affair and ends the engagement. Jackie is too much like a dead wet fish in various ways but Dawn is like Atlanta on the 4^th of July. Charlie pulls out the engagement ring and drops to a knee for a question. Charlie: “Dawn, why are you such a s***?” He wouldn’t marry either of them and walks out.

Hey remember the Diva Search? Well now you can see a pay per view highlight package of the whole thing!

Joy Giovanni kisses Big Show for good luck. It’s quite the relationship, having gone for like two and a half weeks now.

Big Show vs. Kurt Angle/Mark Jindrak/Luther Reigns

Cole: “Here comes the man who earlier tonight made Santa Claus tap out.” This is the latest blowoff to the Angle vs. Show feud from the fall, which included Angle shooting him with a tranquilizer dart and shaving his head. Jindrak starts for the team but hang on as we need to look at his bicep. As the announcers debate whether Cole was in a bodybuilding competition or the Ziegfeld Follies, Show takes Jindrak into the corner for the overhand chop.

Angle comes in instead and is shoved right back away, meaning here’s Reigns for the first time. That’s not enough for Show, who pulls Jindrak in for a bonus. An Angle cheap shot gets Show caught up in the ropes and some kicks to the ribs keep him down. As expected, it’s Reigns and Jindrak doing most of the work, including a double suplex to give Jindrak two.

Angle comes back in for the reverse chinlock with a knee in Show’s back, followed by a choke over the bottom rope. Now it’s Jindrak with his own reverse chinlock until Show powers up and cleans house. The Alley Oop drops Jindrak and reigns is tossed to the floor but Angle gets in the Slam. The ankle lock is broken up in a hurry so Angle goes for the steps, which are kicked into his face. An F5 of all things finishes Jindrak.

Rating: D+. This felt like a Smackdown main event so it could have been a lot worse. The good thing is that there is nowhere else for the feud to go, meaning we should be done now that this match is over. The match wasn’t very good, but Show is pretty clearly next in line for a title shot after three major pay per view wins in a row.

Video on last year’s Tribute to the Troops. This year’s edition is in less than two weeks.

Funaki interviews himself about his Cruiserweight Title shot. Cruiserweight Champion Spike Dudley comes in to call this pathetic and says Funaki will never be champion. Funaki doesn’t seem to agree.

Cruiserweight Title: Funaki vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is defending after Funaki won a battle royal earlier this week. Feeling out process to start with Funaki taking it to the mat for some early frustration. Some rollups give Funaki two each as Tazz makes small package jokes about Cole. A little cranking on Spike’s arm sends him to the floor for a baseball slide as Spike can’t get anything going so far. Back in and they fight over a superplex to the floor until a release gordbuster drops Funaki to the floor this time.

It’s time to start in on the ribs with Spike grabbing an abdominal stretch with Funaki’s knee down on the mat. A regular abdominal stretch keeps Funaki in trouble until he sends Spike into the corner for the break. Funaki’s high crossbody gets two so Spike tries the Dudley Dog, which is reverses into a jackknife cover to give Funaki the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. Not too bad here, even if it was in the spot where no one was going to care about the thing. There’s only so much you can do for a Spike vs. Funaki match and everyone knew that. At least they got the title off of Spike, who wasn’t a bad champion but his time had come and gone. Now that being said, he’s a better option than Funaki, who feels as bottom of the barrel as you can get.

We recap the World Title match. JBL has cheated his way to retaining the title over all three challengers so tonight he has to face them all at once. This gets the music video treatment because it’s the only match that has gotten a major push on TV. How often do you see a multi man match with everyone from the same state in a national promotion?

The Cabinet gives JBL a subdued pep talk as he looks like he’s walking to the gallows.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Eddie Guerrero vs. Booker T. vs. Undertaker

JBL is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. The Cabinet is barred from ringside and if they interfere, JBL is stripped of the title. But if they help him win, doesn’t he just get the title back a few minutes later? If nothing else JBL is selling the heck out of his terror. JBL lets the other three beat each other up to start and it’s Undertaker booting Booker in the face so JBL can steal a near fall. No one is happy with that so it’s time to pinball him around between all three challengers at once.

With JBL down, Undertaker gets stomped in the corner, much to the fans’ annoyance. Undertaker gets knocked to the floor so it’s JBL getting double teamed for a change. As usual though, Booker gets annoyed at Eddie for going for a cover, allowing JBL to grab his own near fall. Undertaker comes back in and starts wrecking things so everyone heads outside. JBL loads up the announcers’ table but Undertaker backdrops him before anything can happen. Undertaker stalks Eddie back inside for a match I could have gone for in a much longer form.

Another backdrop gives Undertaker two and it’s Booker taking Eddie’s place. The running big boot in the corner misses so JBL comes in to beat on Booker. Choking on the ropes has Eddie and Undertaker in trouble but Undertaker is up with a spinebuster to cut Booker off. Old School and the Downward Spiral give Undertaker two with Eddie making the save so Undertaker launches him over the top with some raw power.

There’s the apron legdrop but JBL runs Undertaker over on the floor. Back in and JBL chokes Booker with some tape as Eddie pulls out a rather unnecessary ladder. After that takes Undertaker out, JBL grabs the title but Booker starts cleaning house with kicks to the face and head. The ax kick gets two on Eddie and Booker’s NO WAY face is great. It’s back to the floor with JBL badly powerbombing Booker onto the announcers’ table and then elbowing him through it.

The Last Ride puts JBL through the other table, leaving Eddie to play dead in the ring. The chokeslam connects and it’s time for the Last Ride but Eddie gets in a belt shot to the head. A pair of frog splashes gets two and now it’s Eddie’s turn to be terrified. With wrestling not working, Eddie brings in the ladder for a mega frog splash but his own knee is banged up so it’s a delayed two with JBL pulling the referee out.

Rating: B. They were working out there and the match didn’t feel as long as it was, but the JBL title reign has lost its charm in a hurry. It’s becoming more and more clear that we’re not getting out of this anytime soon and seeing him get beaten up so often but escaping with the title is rather tiring. It’s the same thing we had to see from HHH for years and the Cabinet is no Evolution.

Cole: “This could be the beginning of a long title reign for JBL!” He’s been champion five and a half months!

Overall Rating: D. There are far worse shows but there was no hiding how unimportant this show was. We’re just waiting on the Rumble at this point because both brands are dying for some fresh blood. Unfortunately that means a long wait and stuff like Dawn vs. Jackie, the Tough Enough boxing match and that lame Bashams tag match to get through first. There is some good stuff on here, but it’s certainly not worth watching the rest of the show to get to it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Armageddon 2003
Date: December 14, 2003
Location: TD Waterhouse Centre, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 12,672
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’ll wrap up the pay per view schedule for the year here with another show that is hardly inspiring. The main event here is a triple threat match between Raw World Champion Goldberg, HHH and Kane, because why have one challenger who can’t bring out the best in Goldberg when you can have two? I’m almost scared of how lame this could be so let’s get to it.

Here’s the go home Raw if you need a recap.

The Fink opens us up. Fink: “Would you please rise TO HONOR THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA???” Lillian Garcia does her usual great rendition but I don’t have the urge to punch a French guy, meaning it’s kind of a failure on WWE’s part. This is the day after Saddam Hussein was caught so it’s not as random as it seems.

The opening video is your standard collection of Bible verses about Armageddon and as expected, it’s all about the triple threat.

Booker T. vs. Mark Henry

Booker goes aggressive to start with a long series of right hands and is shoved down just as fast. We even get a rare Booker T. chant until Henry clotheslines him to the floor to calm them right back down. A whip sends Booker into the steps but he’s right back up with a slingshot dive to take Henry out. Back in and the missile dropkick puts Henry down again as the fans are sticking with this one early on.

Teddy Long offers a distraction though and Henry runs Booker over to cut him off and the pace slows right back down. We hit a modified bow and arrow for a bit before a running crotch attack to Booker’s back has him in even more trouble. Back in and we hit the chinlock as Henry isn’t exactly known for his varied offense. He mixes things up (by his standards at least) with a bearhug. See now he’s squeezing a different part of Booker so it’s a completely different style.

A hard clothesline cuts off Booker’s comeback but the legdrop misses. Booker’s bicycle kick sets up an ax kick for two in what might have been his big shot. Henry grabs a spinebuster and nearly collapses when covering for two. Dude it’s eight minutes into the match. You shouldn’t be that tired. Now the legdrop is good for two and Henry hits a jackknife of all things, which looked more like Booker slipped than being intentional. Possibly out of fear of his safety, Booker hits another ax kick for the pin.

Rating: D+. Henry has been wrestling for going on eight years at this point and somehow he’s still not getting better. The power moves look good in spurts but the powerbomb looked horrible (not to mention dangerous) and you can only do so much squeezing in a nine minute match. At least Booker won though and Henry can drop back down to the midcard (at best) where he belongs.

Eric Bischoff is livid and gives Christian and Chris Jericho a pep talk for their mixed tag later tonight. Jericho looks hesitant but here’s Mick Foley in the arena to cut them off. Foley talks about how he’s here in Orlando to deliver his first pay per view as co-manager (I’m sure he’ll be yelled at for getting the title wrong.) of Raw. The Steve Austin petition has now broken one million signatures and that means it’s time for a celebration. Cue Stacy Keibler as a cheerleader for a series of cartwheels and the obvious visual appeal.

With Foley picking Stacy up, here are Randy Orton and Ric Flair to interrupt. Orton holds that Foley didn’t pull anything because he’ll need to be ready to count the pin in the Intercontinental Title match. Austin is gone because Orton got rid of him at Survivor Series so it’s time to crown a new champion. Foley says Orton wants to go so let’s have the title match right now.

Intercontinental Title: Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam

Orton is challenging and Foley is guest referee. Rob sweeps the leg to start and Orton is already taking a breather on the floor. Back in and they hit a technical sequence with Orton not being able to do anything and leading to a standoff. Rob goes with what he does best and kicks Orton down. Another kick sets up a running flip dive to the floor as Orton can’t get much going so far.

Rob gets caught on top and shoved into the barricade though, which happens to him far too often. Then again it’s not like wrestlers are people who learn very well in the first place. Flair gets in some choking from the floor and Foley yells at him, which just lets Orton hammer away even more. We hit the chinlock (requirement fulfilled) for a good while until Rob gets two off a rollup.

Orton throws him onto his shoulder for a powerbomb but takes a step forward into a neckbreaker for a cool move. That means another chinlock until Rob fights up with a spinwheel kick. Rob (with his ponytail nearly out in a rare look) slugs away in the corner and gets two off a northern lights suplex, sending Orton bailing to the floor again.

The breather works as Orton grabs the hanging DDT back inside and yells at Foley on the two count. As you might guess, Van Dam kicks him down again and hits Rolling Thunder but has to kick Flair away. There’s the stepover kick to set up the Five Star but another Flair distraction lets Orton crotch Rob. The RKO gives Orton the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. This is the perfect role for Rob: he can keep the title warm and give you a good match to make a bigger and better name champion. Orton had to win here as it’s high time to make him look like he has more than potential. Evolution looks better here too as the team has a second champion instead of HHH and three lackeys. Good match, even with Rob being his pretty usual self. Then again, it’s not like he cranked it up to another level most of the time in WWE.

Orton’s post match celebration makes the title seem like a huge deal as he seems blown away by winning it. You don’t see that often enough.

We recap the battle of the sexes with Jericho and Christian romancing Trish Stratus and Lita to some success. It turned out to be a bet between the guys though, which crushed both women and broke their hearts. Now though, Jericho seems to be having second thoughts, even as Bischoff has set up this mixed tag.

Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Trish Stratus/Lita

Jericho tries to talk his way out of trouble with Trish but gets slapped, setting up the forearms that you would expect from Sapphire instead of a multiple time Women’s Champion. That earns Trish a spanking so she kicks him away and slaps him in the head. Some bad dropkicks have Jericho in trouble so it’s off to Lita vs. Christian. Lita slaps him as well and then runs away, followed by some equally lame forearms.

A headscissors puts Christian down but Jericho gets in a cheap shot from the apron in a good heel move. It’s off to Jericho for some trash talking and some standing on Lita’s hair. A powerbomb is countered into a loose hurricanrana for two and Lita loses her top to the delight of both Lawler and the fans. Lita finally gets smart with a low blow, allowing the tag to Trish who thankfully throws the forearms that she would throw in matches instead of like she’s a terrified schoolgirl.

The Chick Kick rocks Christian and Jericho gets crotched on top. He’s fine enough to block the Stratusphere but Christian gets sent into Jericho. That’s enough for two off a rollup but a hard clothesline takes Trish’s head off. Lita comes back in with a hurricanrana, only to have Jericho make a save. Jericho checks on Trish and seems to show some sympathy until Christian rolls Trish up for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was two different matches in one as the first half felt like something out of Memphis in 1974 and the second felt like it could have been interesting. In other words, once Trish and Lita realized they were Trish Stratus and Lita rather than fans in over their heads, it got a lot better. If that was the case throughout, this could have been a fun underdog match but for what we got, it was too little two late.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Batista. Shawn was trying to survive for Team Austin at Survivor Series when Batista interfered and cost him the match. Batista wasn’t done though and beat Shawn up some more, setting up the match tonight. In other words, they’re hoping Shawn can pull off a good match to make Batista look better than he is. I mean, it’s not the worst idea in the world.

Shawn Michaels vs. Batista

Shawn goes with the speed to start and snaps off some rights and lefts in the corner to annoy Batista. More punches get the same result and a slide between Batista’s legs allows Shawn to punch Ric Flair out. Things reset a bit and this time Batista goes with power in the form of some knees in the corner.

Flair goes into cheerleader mode as Batista starts in on the back with a hard whip, followed by just driving an elbow into the side of Shawn’s head. Shawn blocks a belly to back superplex though and gets two off a moonsault press (which was a foot or so off center). There’s the nip up so Batista takes it outside for a whip into the steps to put Shawn down again. They’re doing well with the power vs. heart/experience idea here.

Some backbreakers get Batista back to where he was going before with Flair losing his mind that the referee hasn’t stopped it yet. Back up and Shawn hits the forearm into the nip up before countering a chokebomb into a DDT. The top rope elbow connects but Sweet Chin Music is countered into a spinebuster. That means it’s Batista Bomb time but Shawn slips out and nails Sweet Chin Music for the pin.

Rating: C. This was a shorter version of Orton vs. Michaels from a few months back and that’s the right way to go. I can live with Evolution not winning every match and Shaw using the experience and intelligence to win over a muscle head like Batista makes enough sense. If nothing else just have Batista power through some nitwit and he’ll be fine.

Post match Batista is so out of it that he thinks he won and here’s Maven for a match added on Heat. One beatdown later and Maven is done, meaning Matt Hardy (whose fingernails grow very quickly), his opponent for tonight, can get a forfeit win. That’s the fast track version of getting Batista back to normal.

In the back, a very sweaty Flair has to calm Batista down and say that Batista is better than Shawn. Everyone trips, but the good ones get back in the game. Flair has an idea and says they’re both leaving with titles. Thanks for the spoiler Naitch.

Tag Team Titles: Tag Team Turmoil

Gauntlet match for the titles with the Dudleys defending. La Resistance vs. Rosey/The Hurricane starts things off with Conway slugging at Hurricane to start. A low bridge puts Hurricane on the floor as the USA chants begin. As usual, the fact that two Americans are currently wrestling goes completely over their heads. Dupree comes in and now that the chants are more appropriate, they starts dying down.

Hurricane gets in an X Factor and tags in Rosey to as much of a reaction as a tag to Rosey is going to draw about two minutes into a match. Rosey splashes Conway and dumps Dupree over the top before getting on the middle rope. Hurricane gets on his shoulders for a big splash to pin Dupree. Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade come in third and roll Hurricane up for the pin in about four seconds.

Lance Storm and Val Venis are in fourth with Venis and Jindrak starting things off. That goes nowhere so Garrison and Lance trade armdrags and headlocks. The BORING chants begin and you can see the empty seats from people hitting the concession stands. One heck of a left hand breaks up a springboard and Jindrak come in to crank on Storm’s arms. A missed charge allows the hot tag to Venis as everything breaks down. The Blue Thunder Bomb gets two on Jindrak so Venis tries a suplex but falls victim to the Rick Rude/Ultimate Warrior finish for the pin.

It’s the Dudley Boyz in fifth to clean house with Cade getting caught in the Tree of Woe and Bubba abusing his chest. Jindrak comes in for one heck of a clothesline on D-Von and it’s off to the chinlock. A top rope elbow hits D-Von but “misses” and the hot tag brings in Bubba. Everything breaks down and Jindrak rolls D-Von up for two, only to have the 3D send the Dudleys on. Cade decks both Dudleys as Scott Steiner and Test are in sixth. The villains come in with little resistance and Steiner’s push-up elbow gets two.

It’s off to a Fujiwara armbar of all things before Test comes in for some stomping. A regular armbar has as much effect so Bubba throws him down for a breather. The middle rope backsplash ACTUALLY connects for two on Test and it’s back to D-Von to pick things up a bit. A rollup gets two on Test but he’s right back with the full nelson slam for two. With the wrestling not working, Test does the old throw in the belt so you can use a chair spot for two on D-Von. The Bubba Bomb hits Test though and D-Von gets the pin to retain.

Well hang on a second as here’s Bischoff that we have a seventh team. In case you’re really slow, it’s Flair and Batista as evil bosses are still evil bosses. The beatdown is on with Flair putting Ray in the Figure Four and the Batista Bomb pinning D-Von. Evolution was in there for about thirty seconds.

Rating: D. This was long and uneventful until the screwy finish. The problem was the same as usual with most gauntlet matches: there’s nothing to the matches because they have to go so fast and in this case, most of the teams are so lame that it’s not exactly something worth watching. This could have been much worse with less time but still, just a screwy way to set up the ending of the show.

Video on the Tribute to the Troops announcement.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Molly Holly

Molly is defending in a match that I don’t think was even mentioned coming into the show. Ivory sends her out to the floor to start as the announcers debate sexual frustration. A dropkick to the leg knocks Ivory face first into the apron so the champ can take over. It’s off to an armbar and the discussion is off to Molly drinking prune juice. There’s a handspring elbow to Ivory as you can see even more empty seats now than during the tag match. Ivory sends her face first into the buckle for two but Molly reverses into a rollup with the tights for the pin to retain.

Rating: D. There’s no story and they had four minutes. What else can you expect from a match like this? It’s not their fault here as they were put in a match to fill in time and given nothing to work with, meaning the deck was entirely stacked against them. The division needs some fresh blood and Ivory isn’t the right person to challenge for the title.

We recap the World Title match. Goldberg is defending, HHH is HHH and Kane decided to attack Goldberg so HHH could say it was a different match when he gets the title back again.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Kane vs. Goldberg

One fall to a finish. The bell rings and they stand around staring at each other for a long time. After a minute of standing there, Goldberg walks to HHH and Kane walks to Goldberg, allowing HHH to jump the champ from behind. The double teaming is on as we’re waiting on who gets to cover Goldberg. A clothesline takes HHH down and a powerslam does the same to Kane as the fans are trying to get into this.

Kane sits up so Goldberg knocks him down again, followed by doing the same to HHH. Goldberg slams Kane off the top for a bonus and powerslams HHH for no cover. The distraction lets Kane get in a big boot and some right hands to Goldberg as I’m not expecting much of a story to break out here. A double suplex drops Goldberg and HHH covers for two, much to Kane’s annoyance.

Kane clotheslines HHH to the floor by mistake so HHH chairs him in the back, breaking up a chokeslam to Goldberg in the process. Goldberg takes the chair from HHH and wraps it around his ankle but Kane breaks up the Pillmanization. They head outside with Goldberg trying a Jackhammer through the table, only to be broken up with a chair to the ribs from HHH. You know, because why would you want Goldberg to get rid of Kane and then wear him out with the chair in your hands and a free shot?

HHH elbows Goldberg through the table but winds up in front of Kane while holding the chair that he used to put him down. Kane beats on HHH a bit as this just keeps going. They head inside with HHH getting beaten up some more, including the side slam for no cover. The chokeslam is blocked by a poke to the eye and a DDT plants Kane. That’s enough for the ring so they head up the ramp with Kane chokeslamming him there instead. Goldberg is finally back up and spearing Kane as they come back inside for two with HHH making the save.

It’s a three way slugout with Goldberg getting the better of it, including a double clothesline to take both guys down. There’s another spear to Kane and one to HHH, drawing in Evolution for a distraction. They’re quickly dispatched so Goldberg and Kane choke each other until HHH hits Goldberg low. Kane chokeslams the champ but Batista pulls him to the floor, allowing HHH to get the pin and the title. Merry Christmas to us.

Rating: D+. Much like the whole show, this was much more dull and boring than bad. There was a grand total of zero doubt that HHH would win as you have the Evolution title dominance to go with HHH not being World Champion in a few months, which is completely unacceptable. This was as good as “you hit me, I hit him, he hits you, now we switch” for twenty minutes was going to be, which should tell you everything you need to know.

Evolution celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. There are worse shows, but this was 2003 Raw in a nutshell: a lot of Evolution, a good match here and there, but the whole thing is just so slow paced that nothing is really exciting. Also, much like a lot of the shows on the year, it barely broke two and a half hours, including the National Anthem. These one brand pay per views aren’t ready yet and that’s getting more and more obvious every single time they’re out there. These things need to be closer to two hours than three, but then they couldn’t charge as much and that wouldn’t be good, much like this show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Another request and another old review that is far from my usual standards.

Armageddon 2006
Date: December 17, 2006
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Attendance: 8,200
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

Just three to go so I think you know what I’m going to do here. Anyway this is a very weak show with the main event being Booker/Finlay vs. Batista/Cena. No titles or anything but just a tag match. And people wonder why Armageddon was considered the weakest of all the PPVs. However, there is a saving grace match here as there’s a fatal fourway ladder match for the Smackdown tag titles which is AWESOME. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is more or less exactly the same thing that you would expect it to be. They never really changed this other than changing the participants in it.

Kane vs. MVP

This is the ultra rare inferno match. There’s fire around the ring and you set your opponent on fire to win it. MVP is doing the big free agent thing and Kane is his first major feud. It’s a tag team feud at the moment with Kane/Taker vs. Kennedy/MVP with Taker vs. MVP happening later. Kane lost in a cage match and that set up this one.

The flames keep going up and down. You might even say big flames popping. Kane kicks him in the face and hammers him into the corner to start. MVP gets his feet up in the corner and thinks of going up but stops due to fear. Kane puts him in a wheelbarrow position and climbs the corner, only to get slammed on his face. Kane sets for a superplex but MVP knocks him off. The flames go up a second after he hits but it looks cool either way.

MVP stays on the top for a bit before coming off with a cross body. He instinctively covers but then settles for hammering away. Kane goes down and then sits up almost immediately. Big boot puts MVP down and there’s the chokeslam. The big bald takes the turnbuckle off and tries to light it on fire but the flames go down. The second attempt works but MVP uses the distraction to take over.

He tries a baseball slide to put Kane into the fire but Kane gets up before it hits. Kane takes over again and a corner clothesline hits. The side that got put out is back on now. MVP climbs the corner and Kane shoves him to the floor past the flames. Kane is like cool and dives off the top over the flames too. They fight to put each other into the “five hundred degree flames” and Kane grabs him by the throat and puts him into the fire for the win.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Dave Taylor/William Regal

Londrick are champions here. Before the match gets started here’s Teddy. He makes this a ladder match so here are some ladders. Regal FREAKS but Teddy isn’t done. He adds two more teams to make it a fatal fourway title match.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Daven Taylor/William Regal vs. MNM vs. The Hardys

MNM lost the titles to Londrick and are returning here since Nitro (Morrison) is on Raw. The Hardys are also on Raw but who cares? Jeff is IC Champion and they’re not Boys anymore. The crowd is WAY behind the Hardys. The heels are sent to the floor so it’s Londrick vs. the legends. Matt and London take over but Kendrick and Jeff come back. Spin Cycle takes out London and appropriately enough the Brits come back in.

Matt and I think Nitro pick up ladders and the fight goes to the floor. The Hardys come down the aisle with ladders as Regal and Taylor try to keep them out. Just about everyone is back in now and there’s a pair of ladders. Poetry in Motion hits Regal and Taylor takes a Snapshot. Double superkick puts Regal down again and things slow down a bit.

The champs and the Hardys go at it, including Matt throwing Kendrick into a ladder HARD. Jeff goes up but London makes the save. London goes up but the Hardys save. Nitro tried a springboard move to take him out but the ladder was already down so the spot landing looked sick. Mercury is almost up there but London/Kendrick/Hardys pick up the ladder and shove Mercury over the top onto Nitro.

Poetry in Motion is attempted but London moves and Jeff crashes into the ladder. With everyone down, Kendrick makes a run but Matt saves. Neckbreaker puts Kendrick down and London hits a suplex on Regal outside. Matt gets put on a ladder leaned against the ropes so Kendrick hits a double stomp to the ribs.

Now we get to the famous part of this match. MNM sets up a see-saw thing using a pair of ladders. They put Jeff on the top and set for a double suplex but Matt makes the save. Jeff dives off and the ladder is slammed into Mercury’s face, absolutely destroying his nose. I’ve never seen more blood so fast. His nose was shattered and he would be out for a few weeks and would need 20 stitches.

Due to the injury it’s now a seven man match with the Brits in control. Half nelson release suplex sends London into the ladder. Taylor holds the ladder and Regal goes up but comes down due to fear. Taylor goes up instead but Kendrick comes in for the save. Mercury is already on his way to the hospital. Matt comes back in and hits a Twist of Fate to Taylor. Jeff sets up a ladder on the floor and tries to dive into the ring but Nitro hits a baseball slide to take out the ladder, sending Jeff’s throat into the ropes.

Nitro rides a ladder down onto Regal as a ladder is set up in the ring. Kendrick makes a save and takes Nitro down again. Matt throws Kendrick off the ladder and London has to make the save. Matt backdrops London off but the ladder falls. Jeff vs. Nitro on a ladder now and Jeff gets a big old sunset bomb and the Brits are back to take everyone down.

Kendrick gets up there and pounds away on Regal but Taylor pulls him down again. Everyone is down and London starts crawling for the ladders. Matt is up again and goes for the same ladder. There are two ladders next to each other. Matt gets knocked down and London pulls the titles down to retain after a war.

Boogeyman vs. The Miz

Miz is undefeated here and still has the shorts. Miz says he’s going to give Boogeyman a Reality Check. HOO-RAH! Boogey takes over to start and Miz hits the floor. Miz gets a Stunner to Boogey’s arm and goes up. He jumps into a sloppy chokebomb and we’re done. This was more or less a TV match.

Boogey puts worms in Miz’s mouth post match.

Chavo dedicates the upcoming match to the injured (and mostly blonde) Vickie. Benoit hurt her somehow and tonight Chavo is going for the title for revenge. Chavo was fighting Benoit at Survivor Series and Chris got knocked into her, causing her neck injury. Vickie slapped Benoit and he growled at her.

US Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Chavo hammers him to start but Benoit is like man I’m crazy and grabs a suplex. He stomps on Chavo but can’t get the Sharpshooter. Chavo is sent over the top and the fight goes to the floor. That doesn’t last long so the Canadian hits a German to the American back in the ring. Benoit goes up but gets crotched and caught in a superplex. Pretty good stuff to start off here.

Chavo beats on him outside a bit including ramming the ribs into the post. Camel clutch goes on (JBL says Gory, Chavo’s grandfather, invented it). Benoit fights out of it into a belly to back but Chavo reverses into a cross body for two. Sorry for all the play by play here but there’s almost nothing to make fun of here. Crossface attempt almost hits but Chavo makes a rope.

There’s a European uppercut to the back of the head. That’s a new one. Into the Tree of Woe we go and Benoit’s back gets worked some more. Electric chair doesn’t work but Chavo loads up Three Amigos to a very limited response. Benoit counters it into Rolling Germans. By Rolling Germans, I mean eight of them for a standing ovation. Can’t say I blame them either.

Chavo gets put in the Sharpshooter and here’s Vickie to get involved. Benoit says don’t do it and she drops the title she brought in. Chris sets for a Sharpshooter to her also and gets rolled up for two. There’s the real Sharpshooter and Chavo taps to keep the title on Benoit. He would finally lose it at Backlash about four months later to MVP.

Rating: B. I was really liking this until Vickie got involved. Benoit never seemed like he was in any danger and more or less just shrugged her off to keep the title. Vickie would get better but here she was just loud and annoying with no heat. Good match with a bad ending, namely due to her.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Jimmy Wang Yang

Helms is champion. Feeling out process to start as we’re told how awesome Helms is. He won the title at the Rumble and would hold it over a year overall. JBL is accused of not liking Yang because he’s Asian. Moonsault press misses but Yang lands on his feet. The quick change allows Helms to get some shots in but a dropkick to Helms stops that cold.

Spinwheel kick into the corner misses and Yang goes to the floor. Baseball slide sends him into the railing as we hear about how a bunch of countries are watching the shows. I still don’t get why Vince doesn’t let them go on at the same time local time. I mean, is anyone in Morocco going to care if it’s on tape delay? Headlock goes on to give them a breather.

Helms keeps the advantage until we go to the floor. Yang hits a big dive and JBL gets in the great line of “this card is as loaded as a Freebird on a Saturday night.” Rather boring match so far. The fans agree with me and JBL gets all annoyed at them for it. Say what you want about him but the man had pride. Yang starts a comeback but they go up and Helms hits a neckbreaker off the top to put both guys down.

Helms goes up again and jumps into a spinwheel kick which didn’t look like it felt all that nice. JBL is ranting about the Confederacy now. Yang tries another moonsault with a bit of a corkscrew to it this time. It misses though because Helms has to keep the title, doing so in this case with a one knee Codebreaker.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

It’s a Last Ride match, meaning you have to put someone in a hearse and drive it out of the arena. In other words, it’s a stretcher match with a car involved. The druids chant for the entrance of the holy….automobile. Kennedy does a promo saying he’ll win again tonight. Taker’s entrance literally takes over three minutes. Kennedy runs from Taker a lot and there’s a referee in there despite Cole telling us time and time again that there are no rules.

They go outside and Taker sends him into the steps. Kennedy goes onto the announce table and the beating continues. I guess morale hasn’t improved yet. Back into the ring and right back out again as Kennedy gets a shot in. And never mind as Taker catches him and rams him into the post to take over again. They head for the hearse but Taker gets sent into the door.

Kennedy hammers Taker into the hearse but can’t get it shut. Taker fights back as the crowd is only partially interested in it. There are some people close to them cheering but the rest of the people don’t sound very interested. Back to the ring and Taker hits a big boot to the side of Kennedy’s head. There’s the apron legdrop. Kennedy grabs the bottom rope to try to hide and you can hear individual fans shouting stuff.

Taker busts out a top rope superplex and the sit-up gets a nice reaction. Back to the aisle again and Taker throws him on his shoulder but Kennedy slips on a sleeper which is rather smart in this match. It’s enough to get Taker in the car and shut the door but Kennedy has to drive it out still. In a Taker moment, he’s in the front seat and nails Kennedy as the door opens. That’s so Deadman.

They go back to ringside and Taker loads up the table. The delay lets Kennedy get a chair and hammer away. Back into the ring we go and he has the chair still. Kennedy (I keep wanting to type Anderson) cracks him in the head and Taker shrugs it off. They go up the aisle with Kennedy more running than anything else. Ken climbs the set and they’re fighting on the set near the Armageddon sign which looks like a broken rock wall.

Taker hammers him down and calls for a chokeslam but Kennedy kicks him in the balls. Kennedy throws him off the set. Dead Man Flying I guess. The spot looks great but the crash pad beneath Taker really hurts the effect. Kennedy literally has to drag Taker to the car which is kind of a funny visual. Taker of course fights out just as he’s about to go in and sends Kennedy into the hearse.

Kennedy comes out and they’re slugging it out. JBL suggests that Kennedy just runs. In a nice move, Taker swings a chair and Kennedy ducks so Taker swings it at an angle to crack him. A pipe shot goes through the window. Taker is all fired up and Kennedy is nice and busted. They go to the top of the hearse and Taker hits a chokeslam with Kennedy bouncing a bit. A tombstone on the roof and Kennedy is dead. Taker throws him in and drives out to end this.

Booker T/Finlay vs. Batista/John Cena

Booker is a king again now. Ok then. So we have two guys that can’t get along fighting two unstoppable champions. Gee I wonder how this is going to end. Cena gets a bigger pop than Batista but it’s close. Big Dave has a bad arm. Cena and Booker start us off and Cena hooks an armbar. Off to Batista as the fans are only moderately interested. I can’t really blame them as there’s no point to get into it.

No matter what happens, nothing major changes. The titles can’t change and it’s just a tag match. I’ll never get the point in having just a regular match as the main event. Finlay comes in and gets a knee up at a charging Dave. Batista catches him in the air and just sets him down then slaps him. Into the corner and Batista hooks him up for what looks like a Musclebuster but he drops it like a suplex.

Off to Booker again who gets some strikes in but Batista blocks a hip toss and clotheslines him down for two. Cena in again but Booker gets a thumb to the eye. Total paint by numbers stuff so far here. Kick to the face gets two for Book. Cena fights up and there’s the Protobomb and the Shuffle. FU doesn’t hit so he settles for the STFU instead. Finlay has to come in to break it up and here’s Batista also.

Sharmell slips Booker his scepter to drill Cena in the throat and the heels finally get an advantage. Harlem Side Kick gets two. Finlay comes in for some chinlockery and Batista tries to come in. Here’s Horny who tries to punt Cena but he actually kicks himself in the head by mistake. Booker comes in with an arm hold which Cena counters into a DDT to put both guys down. Batista comes in, everything breaks down and Booker accidently kicks Finlay. Batista gets a HORRIBLE looking Boss Man slam but Finlay takes him down. Cena and Finlay hit the floor so that the spinebuster and Batista Bomb can end Booker.

Rating: F+. I know the term “this should have been on Raw” is thrown around a lot, but this is exactly the term to use here. Very boring here and by the numbers stuff. I have no idea why they thought this was a PPV main event. Nothing interesting happened and it was just there for the most part. Not interesting in the slightest at all and it was rather bad too, especially Booker vs. Batista.