ECW On Sci Fi
Date: February 19, 2008
Location: Sports Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re done with No Way Out and on the way to Wrestlemania, which probably won’t mean much for ECW. Chavo Guerrero retained the ECW World Title by defeating CM Punk, again, and that means we need something else on the way to Orlando. I doubt we get that this week, but you have to start somewhere. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Ric Flair to get things going with an in-ring interview with Tazz. After the traditional sucking up, Tazz congratulates Flair on being the first inductee into the 2008 Hall Of Fame class. Flair says it’s an honor, but being the first active wrestler to be inducted may be the ultimate honor. He isn’t going to retire, but he knows that he has to retire after his next loss. That won’t be happening anytime soon though, so WOO!

Cue Elijah Burke to interrupt and say he was a Flair fan growing up. Vince McMahon told him to usher in the new generation and that is what he’s done, so give him four fingers. Cue Shelton Benjamin to interrupt the interrupter and congratulate Flair for always being the Gold Standard. At least he was though, because now Benjamin is in that spot. Flair doesn’t buy their sincerity and says no matter what they do, they’ll never equal sixteen World Titles. The fight is on until CM Punk runs in for the save.

Post break Burke and Benjamin aren’t happy. Armando Alejandro Estrada comes in to make the obvious tag match.

Kofi Kingston vs. Jason Riggs

Riggs’ headlock doesn’t last long as Kingston slips out and armdrags him into an armbar. Back up and Riggs grabs a slam into a chinlock, with Kofi fighting up for the double chop. The double legdrop sets up Trouble In Paradise to give Kofi the fast pin.

Post match Kofi says he’ll keep winning.

We look at Vince McMahon and JBL destroying Hornswoggle in a cage on Raw. Finlay carrying Hornswoggle out was a great visual.

Miz vs. Colin Delaney

John Morrison and Tommy Dreamer are here too. Miz mocks the heavily bandaged Delaney to start and knocks him into the corner for the running clothesline. Delaney gets in a few shots so Morrison offers a distraction. That’s enough to earn himself an ejection and Delaney grabs a rollup for two. Miz isn’t having this and Reality Checks him for the pin.

Post match Dreamer goes after Miz but the villains beat down both Dreamer and Delaney without much trouble.

We look at Maria beating Beth Phoenix to earn the right to be in Playboy.

Kelly Kelly is proud of Maria and would love to be in Playboy someday.

Stevie Richards vs. James Curtis

We get another clip of Stevie’s interview from a few weeks ago and it’s now the third time we’ve heard the same story. Curtis clotheslines him down and Richards grabs his throat. Said throat is gone after with a chinlock but Richards kicks him in the ribs a few times. A running splash in the corner sets up the StevieT to finish Curtis fast.

Raw Rebound.

CM Punk/Ric Flair vs. Shelton Benjamin/Elijah Burke

Punk and Burke get things going as Joey explains that Flair’s career is NOT on the line because this is a tag match. At least that gives us a tiny bit more uncertainty about the winner. A slam drops Burke early and Flair comes in for the chops. Burke gets smart by poking him in the eye and Benjamin comes in, only for Flair to go up top for a DOUBLE SHOT TO THE VILLAINS and we take a break.

Back with Flair avoiding a charge in the corner and doing a Flair Flop into the corner for the tag to Punk (that was cute). House is cleaned but Benjamin shoves off a running bulldog attempt. The villains start working on the ribs, including Benjamin hitting a buckle bomb and almost powerbombing Punk out to the floor (that should have been a bigger deal). Back in and Punk escapes a powerbomb and hits a jumping enziguri, allowing the tag back to Flair. Everything breaks down and Benjamin kicks Flair’s leg out to break up a suplex. The Elijah Express misses though and Flair Figure Fours him for the win.

Rating: C. Completely basic match here with a grand total of almost nothing in the way of doubt about the result. Flair’s next loss is going to be a big deal and it isn’t happening to a pair of pretty midcard names on ECW. It’s nice to have Flair in a nothing match like this for a change though, and it isn’t like Burke losing hurts him in the slightest.

Overall Rating: C-. The show was watchable enough at best and that’s about all the praise I can give it. The biggest problem here is that it felt like a nothing show where they just got in and out without doing anything important. That doesn’t exactly get us onto the Road to Wrestlemania that well but at least they didn’t have anything to that badly. Uninteresting yes, but badly no.

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: February 12, 2008
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 14,307
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

The now seemingly never ending feud between Chavo Guerrero and CM Punk continues after Punk knocked Guerrero into the Gulf of Mexico last week. We are still on the way to their next match at No Way Out and odds are Guerrero is going to do something to get back at Punk this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at last week’s Gulf Of Mexico match.

Opening sequence.

Here is Chavo Guerrero to get things going. He stands before you, lucky to be alive, as CM Punk threw him into the Gulf Of Mexico and he can’t even swim! Now he has a HORRIBLE sinus infection, plus some pink spots on his throat. He’s had migraines too and these TV lights are making it worse. When he was in the water, he was stung by a jellyfish!

But he is a Mexican warrior so he’ll defend the ECW Title against Punk TONIGHT. Cue Armando Alejandro Estrada to say that while he is proud of Chavo, he can’t let that match happen. Chavo is still sick, but Punk can have a warmup match tonight….against Mark Henry. Works for Chavo!

We look at Stevie Richards’ sitdown interview last week where he talks about wanting to come back from his latest surgery. This was a great way to build sympathy for him and it worked well.

Stevie Richards vs. Rory Fox

Richards grabs a headlock to start before taking Fox down for a kick to the chest/back each. A big boot and a double underhook DDT finishes Fox in a hurry, leaving Richards looking very pleased.

Video on Mark Henry.

Kelly Kelly vs. Layla

Lena Yada is here with Layla, who takes Kelly down with a headscissors to start. Kelly fights up but gets knocked into the corner as Tazz tries to talk about their looks without sounding creepy and not quite making it work. Layla starts in on the arm, including legdrops and an armbar to mix things up a bit. Kelly breaks it up and manages a high crossbody for two, followed by a Fameasser for the pin.

Rating: C-. I don’t think it’s anys ecret that this crop of women weren’t exactly great in the ring but they did seem to be trying. Having a match that was just under four minutes and could have been far worse isn’t the worst result and they do seem to be getting more comfortable in the ring. Keep working on that and see just how far they can take things.

Kofi Kingston vs. Mike Knox

Kofi picks up the pace to start but can’t quite take the much bigger Knox down. He can however monkey flip Knox, who comes back with a shot to the face. Knox stomps him down in the corner as we do get a KOFI chant, though I’m not sure if enough people seem to be cheering it to reach that volume level. Kofi fights up and hits a kick to the face and the double legdrop. The spinning kick to the head finishes Knox off.

Rating: C. Another basic but effective match here as Kofi is starting to establish more of a style. He has a long way to go, but beating some slightly more difficult competition like Knox is a good thing. Knox hasn’t been a big deal in awhile, but beating someone who used to be a bigger deal is better than beating someone who has never been anything.

No Way Out rundown.

John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer

Miz and Colin Delaney are the seconds and the villains handle Dreamer and Delaney’s entrances in a rather negative way. Dreamer takes him down to start and sends things outside to keep up the beating. Miz grabs the foot though and Dreamer gets to crash out to the floor.

Back in and Morrison grabs a seated abdominal stretch before switching to the classic idea of punching him in the face. Dreamer avoids a charge though and Morrison crotches himself on the rope. After knocking Miz off the apron, Dreamer walks into Morrison’s springboard spinning kick to the face. The flipping neckbreaker is broken up though and Dreamer’s DDT finishes Morrison off.

Rating: C. It’s still low level stuff, but Delaney having any kind of a friend is a good thing and gives his story a better future. Sometimes that’s all you need and is has given the story a new life. Delaney takes a good beating and that can get him pretty far, with the obvious tag match being the big endgame from here.

Post match Miz and Morrison beat down Delaney and Dreamer.

Mark Henry says this is going to be a funeral.

CM Punk vs. Mark Henry

Chavo Guerrero comes out to watch. Punk slugs away and is promptly run over with a hard shoulder. The big elbow drop misses but Henry throws him down without any trouble. Henry posts him hard and then chokes inside for the DQ.

Post match Punk kicks Henry to the floor and gives Chavo the GTS to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. You can see the stories that they are putting together around here and while that is a good thing, it would be nice if the stories were a bit more interesting. The nothing women’s feud and a Tommy Dreamer mentor story are only going to get so far. At the same time it’s still CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero as the top feud. How far is that supposed to get you? Watchable enough show, but they still need something interesting.

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: February 5, 2008
Location: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Attendance: 3,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re in the Chavo Guerrero era and last week saw a rather obvious mariachi reveal (there’s a weird statement) as CM Punk is still trying to get his title back. Other than that, we have Tommy Dreamer standing up to help the eternally injured Colin Delaney, which could go in a few directions. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is CM Punk to get things going. Punk talks about Chavo Guerrero’s fiesta last week and we see a clip of Mariachi Punk hitting him with a guitar. Back in the arena, Punk says he is invoking his rematch clause right now and wants Chavo out here in this ring. Cue Chavo, who doesn’t think that rematch is happening tonight. Punk can have his rematch, but it’s going to be at No Way Out.

Last week, Punk embarrassed him so tonight, he is embarrassing Punk. We cut to Armando Alejandro Estrada, who is outside the arena, next to the Gulf of Mexico. Tonight, it’s Chavo vs. Punk in the first ever Gulf of Mexico match, where anything goes and you win by throwing your opponent into the Gulf. Well that’s unique.

Victoria/Layla vs. Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly

Lena Yada is here with Victoria/Layla. Kelly flips out of Layla’s wristlock to start before pretty badly mistiming a handspring elbow in the corner. Michelle comes in for a Hennig necksnap so it’s off to Victoria, who gets forearmed in the face. A shot in the corner slows Michelle down though and Victoria takes out her knee. That doesn’t last long as Michelle gets over to Kelly, who high crossbodies Victoria down. There’s a headscissors to make it worse but as everything breaks down, Lena grabs Kelly’s leg so the Widow’s Peak can give Victoria the pin.

Rating: C-. Kelly is trying to get better but you can only get so far with her timing issues. That can come with work and time but it isn’t there yet. Michelle is getting better as her size and athleticism helps, but you can only get so far wrestling Victoria so many times. Not a terrible match, though keeping the match this short was the only way to go.

We look back at Shelton Benjamin walking out on a match with Kane last week. Their rematch is on Smackdown.

Wrestlemania video, set to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Weird that this is included here but was missing on Raw.

John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer

Miz and Colin Delaney are here too. Dreamer hits a shoulder block to start and armdrags him into an armbar. Back up and Morrison gets in a shot of his own and chokes on the apron to send Dreamer outside. Dreamer has to save the heavily bandaged Delaney, allowing Morrison to get in another shot to take over again.

The chinlock goes on before something close to Miz’s old Mizard of Oz gets two. Morrison misses a corkscrew moonsault though and the comeback is on, including a flapjack to give Dreamer two. There’s the reverse DDT to drop Morrison but Delaney has to cut off an invading Miz. That’s enough of a distraction that Morrison can neckbreaker Dreamer for the pin.

Rating: C. Dreamer is still fine in this role and it isn’t like he is going to be in any major story for the time being. Having him act as Delaney’s protector makes sense and could turn into something down the line. Miz and Morrison need some challengers anyway so let someone be built up for a change.

We get a sitdown interview with Stevie Richards, who talks about his latest throat surgery. His neck was hurt back in 1997 when Terry Funk dropped a barricade on him (and yes we see a clip), which somehow hurt his vocal chords. He has had nine throat surgeries since then but he’ll be back in the ring next week. Richards has been a heck of a surprise in this ECW and I’m glad to see him back.

Kofi Kingston vs. James Curtis

Kofi takes him down into an armbar to start and then twists Curtis down by the wrist. Curtis is back up with his own armbar and works on his own wristlock as the fans do not sound overly interested. Thankfully they pick up the pace a bit with some chops and a jumping elbow dropping Curtis. There’s the jumping double leg and the spinning kick to the face gives Kofi the pin.

Rating: C-. Kofi is one of the more unique looking stars in a good while and it is cool to watch him do his stuff, but spending more than half of the match working on the arms is only going to get you so far. I still wonder if Curtis could have been something, as he had a decent look and could wrestle a competent enough match.

No Way Out rundown.

Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk

Non-title Gulf of Mexico match, meaning you win by throwing the other person into the Gulf. They’re both in jeans (and their respective t-shirts of course) to start before the brawl goes outside rather quickly. Chavo knocks him over the barricade and into some chairs but Punk is back with some strikes of his own. Punk gets dropped ribs first onto a wall but fight back and they fight out into the concourse. It’s time to go outside where Punk punches in him the face, earning himself a whip onto the hood of a well timed car.

We take a break and come back with Punk slamming him onto the hood of another car. A backdrop sends Chavo into the windshield but he’s right back with some kicks to the ribs. They go over towards the water, where they scare off some very confused fishermen. Chavo chucks the fishermen’s cooler at Punk but can’t manage to throw him into the Gulf. An attempt at a suplex into the Gulf is blocked and Punk GTS’s him into the water for the win.

Rating: C+. This worked in a weird way, partially due to the lack of commentary when they came back from the break and partially due to letting them have a unique fight. Punk vs. Chavo has been done to death in the ring so let them get out of the ring and mix it up a bit. The next title match is already set up and Punk getting to pose against the night sky after throwing Chavo into the Gulf of Mexico is certainly a way to make things more interesting.

Overall Rating: C. The main event was the best part of the show but it wasn’t enough to carry the rest. There were too many things on here that just weren’t very good and it dragged things down a bit. ECW is still a one to two story show at best and while it is only an hour a week, it isn’t the most interesting hour as the dull parts are really hurting the good pieces.

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: January 29, 2008
Location: Sovereign Center, Reading, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We are done with the Royal Rumble and that doesn’t mean much for ECW. Given that the new ECW World Champion Chavo Guerrero was in the Rumble and competing for a shot at a title rather than being the possible champion being challenged, there isn’t much to be excited about around here. I’m sure CM Punk will want some revenge though so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Chavo Guerrero stealing the ECW World Title from CM Punk with an assist from Edge.

Opening sequence.

Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin

This could have been very interesting a few years ago. Kane fires off the uppercuts to start and knocks Benjamin outside to keep up the beating. Back in and Benjamin jumps to the top rope to break up the clothesline and superplex Kane back down. Benjamin goes smart by going after the knee, including wrapping it around the post. A DDT on the leg sets up a half crab but Kane fights up. Kane grabs a powerslam and side slam, setting up the top rope clothesline. The chokeslam is broken up by the Dragon Whip but Kane kicks him in the face. That’s enough to send Benjamin to the floor where he takes the countout.

Rating: C. This is a match that felt like it had some potential and they were starting to go somewhere when Benjamin walked. They went with power vs. athleticism here and it worked pretty well, which had me wanting to see a longer version. Benjamin shouldn’t be losing yet and you don’t want to beat a monster like Kane so this was the best option they had.

Kelly Kelly vs. Victoria

Kelly looks sacred to start and Victoria sending her into the corner doesn’t make it much better. Cue Lena Yada and Layla as Victoria hammers away in the corner and tosses Kelly down by the hair. The spinning side slam is countered into a headscissors and Kelly makes the clothesline comeback. A rollup gives Kelly two but Victoria is right back with the Widow’s Peak for the fast pin.

Post match Yada and Layla beat Kelly down and leave with Victoria.

Colin Delaney, now with even more bandages, gets to wrestle again this week!

Miz/John Morrison vs. Colin Delaney

Non-title. Morrison knocks him into the corner to start and Miz whips Morrison into the same corner for a splash. With Delaney being sent outside, Miz holds him for a dropkick through the ropes from Morrison. Back in and the flipping neckbreaker sets up the double arrogant pin to finish Delaney off.

Post match the beatdown stays on but Tommy Dreamer makes the save.

CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

Punk grabs a headlock to start but Burke knocks him away, setting up a top rope forearm for two. The chinlock with a bodyscissors keeps Punk in trouble until he fights up, only to have Burke jumps on his back to pull him into the same hold. Back up and Punk sends him into the ropes, setting up the GTS for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. They didn’t do much here as it wasn’t a long match and a good chunk of it was spent in a chinlock. Punk has beaten Burke so many times now that it is hard to get interested in seeing it again but at least it has been a few weeks now. Punk is likely going after Chavo again and Burke….well he’s still here too.

We look at Rey Mysterio 619ing Vickie Guerrero at the Royal Rumble, putting her back in the wheelchair.

Kofi Kingston vs. Rob Eckos

Eckos is better known as Robbie E or Mr. Stone in NXT. Kofi grabs a headlock to start and takes him down by the leg. Eckos gets knocked down again and the double legdrop sets up the spinning kick to the head to give Kofi the fast pin.

And now, ECW goes mariachi as it’s time as Armando Alejandro Estrada is emceeing Chavo Guerrero’s title celebration. The fact that there is one band member with his back to the camera and happens to be rather CM Punk shaped is just a coincidence I assure you. Estrada apologizes to Chavo for Vickie Guerrero and Edge not being here but we do get a video from Edge, saying he’s there to comfort Vickie. The two of them congratulate Chavo for making Vickie’s dreams come true.

We see a video on Chavo’s WWE career, with a Bobby Heenan line from WCW for a weird fit. With that out of the way, Chavo talks about how Edge is his brother and friend. Chavo promises that Edge will get Rey Mysterio for what he did to Vickie before moves on to saying CM Punk is NOT the future of this business.

For now though, it is time for the fiesta and the band starts playing again as the red and green balloons fall. Then the CM Punk shaped band member turns to face the camera and why yes, it is CM Punk (with a big fake mustache), who blasts Chavo with the guitar. I’d really hope this wasn’t supposed to be a surprise because they couldn’t have made it much more obvious.

Overall Rating: C. This was a show heavy with short matches and that didn’t make for the best week. At the same time though, it doesn’t help that there was almost nothing coming out of the Royal Rumble for ECW. The Punk reveal at the end wasn’t quite a surprise, though I can’t imagine that is what they were trying for here. Punk vs. Chavo V or whatever it is next time isn’t that interesting, but at least it should mean Punk moves on to something else.

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: January 22, 2008
Location: John Paul Jones Arena, Charlottesville, Virginia
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s the go home show for the Royal Rumble but the bigger story here is that Chavo Guerrero is getting his shot against CM Punk and the ECW World Title. I say biggest with a bit of tongue in cheek because Chavo is only so interesting but maybe they can pull something off. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Edge costing CM Punk against Chavo Guerrero last week, setting up this week’s title match.

Opening sequence.

Battle Royal

Kane, Shelton Benjamin, Tommy Dreamer, John Morrison, Miz

Miz and Morrison go after Kane to start while Benjamin beats up Dreamer. With that broken up, Dreamer throws Morrison to the apron before slugging away at Kane, mainly because Dreamer isn’t that bright. Kane tosses Dreamer without much trouble and it’s time for everyone else to go after him. With Kane down, Miz hits a running clothesline to Benjamin in the corner but Kane is back up. House is cleaned and there go Miz and Morrison but Benjamin skins the cat to headscissor Kane out for the win.

Rating: D+. This is in the “well what else were you expecting” category as there is only so much that can be done with a match that barely breaks three minutes and features four eliminations. Benjamin of course has no chance on Sunday but it is nice to see him getting built up as a bigger deal around here. ECW doesn’t have much going on, so building up what they can makes sense.

Benjamin promises to win and then hit the mother load at Wrestlemania.

Jonathan Coachman emcees a best body contest between Lena Yada, Layla and Kelly Kelly. They all disrobe and dance, Kelly wins, the other two beat her up. This was every body/dance/bikini contest you’ve ever seen.

Kofi Kingston vs. David Owens

This is Kofi’s debut and he sweeps the leg to start. Back up and Kofi jumps at him in the corner, setting up something like a monkey flip. Kofi leapfrogs over him and kind of hits a crossbody (ignore Owens going down before Kofi hit him), setting up the double legdrop. The spinning kick to the head finishes Owens. Just a quick “here’s someone new” match and it wasn’t exactly great.

Vickie Guerrero and Edge give Chavo Guerrero a pep talk.

And now, Rumble By The Numbers!

569 wrestlers eliminated
36 wrestlers eliminated by Steve Austin
11 appearances by Shawn Michaels
11 wrestlers eliminated by Kane in 2001
3 Mick Foley personae to appear in the same Royal Rumble
2 feet that have to touch the ground
1 woman to enter the match, with Chyna
62:12 that Rey Mysterio lasted in 2006
2 seconds that Warlord lasted in 1990
3 Steve Austin wins
2 wins for the #1 spot, compared to 1 win for #30
#27 produces the most winners
73% of winners have gone on to win the title at Wrestlemania since 1993

Dang I love Rumble By The Numbers.

Royal Rumble rundown.

Armando Alejandro Estrada greets Vickie Guerrero and company.

Colin Delaney is back and we see how he got all those bandages. He’s at it again this week.

Great Khali vs. Colin Delaney

Chokebomb and head vice in less than 40 seconds.

Here’s the same video that opened the show.

ECW World Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk

Chavo is challenging and Edge is on commentary. The match is suddenly No DQ as the fix might be in. They slug it out to start with Punk sending him into the corner and hitting a forearm to the chest. Punk unties a turnbuckle pad before kicking Chavo down, only to get forearmed right back. Chavo is sent to the apron and kicked in the head to the floor, setting up the suicide dive.

A quick shot slows Punk down though and Chavo drops him ribs first onto the steps. Back in and Chavo hits a baseball slide to the ribs, setting up an abdominal stretch. Punk gets out and goes John Cena with the running clothesline out of the corner. The comeback is on and Chavo is sent into the exposed buckle, setting up the GTS. That’s enough to draw in Edge for a spear to Punk, giving Chavo the pin and the title.

Rating: C. They didn’t really hide what they were doing here and that is kind of nice for a change. What matters most here is that they changed the title and gave La Familia even more gold to make them feel that much bigger. The match wasn’t very good but we’ve seen it so many times already that it doesn’t have the same impact, but at least they did something here.

Chavo gets the big title presentation and La Familia comes out for the celebration to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. We had a debut and a title change but it still doesn’t feel like much of a show, even with Edge and Vickie Guerrero as the guest stars. ECW feels like such a nothing show most of the time, even with some of the newer talent getting a chance. That being said, it is still better than a lot of the ECW Originals stuff, even if it might not be thrilling TV. Not a great show here, though stuff did happen.

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: May 8, 2007
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s another big show as we have the ECW World Title on the line. This time around that means Rob Van Dam challenging Vince McMahon…..with Shane McMahon and Umaga, because that’s how the title goes. Since it’s supposed to be EXTREME though, the stipulation makes logical sense. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Earlier today, Bobby Lashley arrived but ran into Armando Alejandro Estrada, flanked by police. If Lashley tries to get in or touches Estrada, he’s under arrest. That’s fine with Lashley, who shoves Estrada (in his wheelchair) into a dumpster (after a long ride). Lashley: “I guess you guys have to arrest me.” How do you get through this without showing any emotion?

Opening sequence, capped off by Vince McMahon as ECW World Champion.

CM Punk vs. Marcus Cor Von

Elijah Burke, who is facing Punk at Judgment Day, is here with Cor Von. As the match starts, we get a crawler saying that Edge just became the new World Heavyweight Champion. That’s one way to advertise things. Punk knocks Cor Von outside but gets clotheslined down for his efforts. Back in and Cor Von starts hammering away at the ribs, setting up the bearhug.

Cor Von drives him into the corner and puts on the bearhug again, followed by a waistlock to stay on the ribs. Punk slips out and grabs a neckbreaker for a much needed breather and a rather delayed two. A neck snap across the top rope sets up a springboard clothesline to give Punk two more but the tornado DDT is tossed outside. Burke gets in a cheap shot, allowing Cor Von to hit the Pounce for the pin.

Rating: C. Storyline advancement 201 here and that’s what it should have been. Cor Von gets a win and the Punk vs. Burke match gets a little more advancement. That’s a rather nice way to spend ten minutes and it’s not like Punk is hurt by a cheating loss. I think you know where this is going at Judgment Day and that’s perfectly fine.

We recap Edge becoming Mr. Money in the Bank on Raw.

Here’s another look at the Condemned.

Sandman vs. Snitsky

Given that Snitsky is Raw bound, this might be interesting. The big boot finishes Sandman in less than a minute. This was not interesting.

Vince McMahon is rather pleased with the Sandman being destroyed. Now that Bobby Lashley is in jail, they’re going to crush Rob Van Dam. Umaga screams a lot.

Extreme Expose.

We recap Vince McMahon winning the ECW World Title, Vince tormenting Bobby Lashley last night on Raw and Lashley getting arrested earlier today.

Elijah Burke tells Matt Striker that the New Breed is on a role and takes credit for what they have been doing. Burke wants Striker at ringside for his match tonight.

Elijah Burke vs. Brian Major

Matt Striker and Brett Major are here too. Burke takes him into the corner to start and hits a hard knee to the face to put Major down. A hard right hand puts Major down again and Burke knocks him into the corner again. Major slugs away for a comeback, only to miss a springboard spinning crossbody. The Elijah Experience finishes in a hurry.

Post match Burke tells Striker that’s how it’s done.

Kevin Thorn and Ariel have a bright future (in fresh blood), but it’s not with the New Breed.

ECW World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Umaga/Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon

Van Dam is challenging and Shane handles his partners’ introductions. Shane starts for the team and it’s time for some shuffling. A rollup and armdrag have Shane in trouble, as he looks like he’s in over his head. Rob starts firing off the kicks, including one to cut off an invading Umaga. The numbers get the better of him though and Umaga shoves him into the barricade to take over.

Back in and Shane works on an armbar before throwing Van Dam back outside for another beating from Umaga. This time Umaga comes in to drop the big leg, followed by the Samoan drop. Van Dam gets pounded into the corner but manages a kick to the head to start the comeback. It’s time to go up but Shane crotches him, setting up the top rope superplex. Umaga adds the top rope splash and the Spike, allowing Vince to come in and steal the pin.

Rating: C. I’m not sure what else you were expecting here as it was Van Dam failing to beat impossible odds. While this match wasn’t great, it did a nice job of making Bobby Lashley look that much better when he pulls off the upset. Van Dam never had a chance here and I don’t think anyone was expecting otherwise, especially with the pay per view already set.

Post match the ECW Originals run out for the save to end the show. Joey: “Has Vince McMahon just killed the spirit of the original ECW?” After everything you’ve seen, that match is what killed ECW?

Overall Rating: C. Pretty run of the mill show here, which was more designed to set things up for the future than anything else. It wasn’t a bad show by any means but it also wasn’t particularly good, meaning we’ll put it right in the middle. There are things set up for the future and now we get to see how those stories play out, which means the plans are working.

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: May 1, 2007
Location: BJCC, Birmingham, Alabama
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Things changed again last week as CM Punk turned on the New Breed almost immediately after joining them. That certainly makes things more interesting, but it also makes Punk that much bigger of a star. If he isn’t a bigger deal than Rob Van Dam just yet, it isn’t going to be long. Oh and in a minor note: Vince McMahon is the new ECW World Champion. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Vince McMahon winning the ECW World Title at Backlash, with some help from Shane McMahon and Umaga.

Opening sequence.

Here is a ticked off Bobby Lashley to get things going. Vince McMahon may be the new ECW World Champion but no one outside of the McMahon family is happy about it. Lashley doesn’t care if his shoulder is banged up because he wants his rematch RIGHT NOW. Cue Armando Alejandro Estrada in a wheelchair and neck brace, saying Lashley isn’t going to ruin a special night.

Lashley is the reason Vince is bald and that Estrada is in the wheelchair (good for a sly smile), plus why he can’t manage Umaga right now. Vince has a message for Lashley though: he’ll get a rematch, but it won’t be tonight. Also, unless physically provoked, Lashley can’t touch either McMahon or Umaga. Lashley realizes that a certain name isn’t on that list and Estrada realizes the same. The wheelchair crashes shortly thereafter.

Elijah Burke gives the New Breed a pep talk, explaining how much CM Punk turned on all of them last week. From now on, follow his lead.

CM Punk comes out for a match so here is the New Breed, with Burke picking his opponent.

Kevin Thorn vs. CM Punk

Riveting choice. Thorn drives him into the corner and kicks away to start before pulling him throat first into the rope. The chinlock goes on as I can’t help but think there is something weird about a vampire/vampire enthusiast wearing a Nike elbow pad. Punk fights up and Thorn charges into some boots in the corner. The GTS finishes Thorn in a hurry.

The ECW Originals are annoyed at Vince McMahon for winning the ECW World Title. This aired on Raw.

Extreme Expose.

Kevin Thorn wants to know where the New Breed was. Elijah Burke doesn’t want to hear it and says any of the team could have beaten CM Punk. Thorn doesn’t want to hear it and quits the team.

More of the ECW Originals complaining about Vince McMahon winning the title. This also aired on Raw.

Snitsky video.

Marcus Cor Von/Matt Striker vs. Major Brothers

That would be Brett/Brian Major, better known as Zack Ryder/Curt Hawkins. Brian works on Striker’s wrist to start but gets pulled down by the hair for his efforts. The second attempt at arm cranking goes a bit better and it’s Brett coming in with a middle rope ax handle. Cor Von comes in and sends Brett outside so the beating can begin.

A gorilla press dropped back into a fall away slam gets two, with Brian having to make a save. The chinlock goes on to keep Brett in trouble but Cor Von misses a charge in the corner. The hot tag brings in Brian for two off a powerslam to Striker. Cor Von pulls Brett to the floor, leaving Striker to clothesline Brian. Back up and Brian hits a middle rope spinning crossbody for the completely clean pin on Striker.

Rating: C-. Not much of a match but dang that is a heck of an upset as the New Breed continues to fall apart. At some point you have to just give someone a win and that’s what they did here with the Major Brothers. The team was certainly more polished than your usual team from the corner to my left and it was a very nice surprise, especially with no interference.

Post match Striker claims a fast count but Elijah Burke doesn’t want to hear it. Striker walks away.

We look back at Umaga beating Rob Van Dam in a good match on Raw.

Here is Vince McMahon, and yes he does the open the jacket to reveal the belt thing (which he refers to as “exposing himself”. Vince is willing to defend the title against Lashley but Vince is going to decide on the details. We’ll get to that later though, because first up we have the ECW Originals. They aren’t happy with him as champion, but they should come say that to his face. The fans think someone sucks but Vince thinks they’re talking about the ECW Originals.

Vince invites the team out here and then gets in Van Dam’s face, with Van Dam saying Vince killed ECW. The title on Vince’s shoulder is a disgrace and it makes Van Dam sick. Vince moves on to Sabu….who we’ll talk to later as Sabu doesn’t talk. Sandman smells bad but he holds up three fingers and tells Vince to read between the lines.

Finally, Vince asks why Tommy Dreamer is wearing gold shoes and then asks what he thinks. Dreamer talks about the fans demanding the return of ECW and says the people at home pay his salary. They know about the spirit of ECW and that’s what matters. Vince asks which of them is ready to challenge him and all four are ready, but let’s have a four way #1 contenders dance instead. And let’s make it Extreme Rules! This idea makes sense on paper and it’s glorious to see Vince trolling ECW like this, but it’s a little hard to believe that Sandman or Sabu is going to work with Vince in any serious way.

Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Sandman

One fall to a finish and Extreme Rules and Vince provides all kinds of weapons. We get some rollups to start until they pair off, with Van Dam being kicked out to the floor. The weapons are brought in and Sandman clotheslines Sabu down for two. They start heading outside, with Sabu hitting a dive to take Van Dam off the apron for a nasty crash. Back in and Sandman bulldogs Dreamer onto a trashcan for two.

Vince is rather pleased that Dreamer is outside getting a chair to put Sandman in the Tree of Woe for the dropkick. Van Dam is back in to clean house with the chair but Dreamer hits him with a piledriver (giving us Van Dam’s bouncing sell). Sabu takes Sandman down and gets two off the triple jump moonsault. It’s time for the required table (Vince applauds), with Dreamer superplexing Sabu through Sandman through said table. Van Dam adds the Five Star to pin Sandman for the title shot.

Rating: C. This was about what you would expect from these four in this kind of a match, including a pretty obvious winner. Again, who else was going to be any kind of a realistic opponent for McMahon? Even in a one off match, it’s not like there is a ton of star power around here. This Vince vs. ECW deal sounds good on paper, but it kind of falls apart once you look at the ECW roster.

Overall Rating: C. They were focusing on setting things up for later here and you have to do that every now and then. I don’t know how much doubt is there for what is coming from these stories, but we got some nice steps on the way there. The show itself wasn’t bad, but this was about the future rather than the present, which worked out about as well as could be expected.

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: April 24, 2007
Location: Earl’s Court, London, England
Attendance: 11,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

ECW goes British for one night as we have the go home show for Backlash, which will have a pretty big title match. Other than that we have a pretty big match between the ECW Originals and the New Breed, despite CM Punk’s issues with his new team. That feud has gotten a bit better in recent weeks and maybe that can continue on the international version. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the New Breed’s recent issues with CM Punk. This do not seem to be going well with the new partnership.

CM Punk apologizes to the New Breed, but he doesn’t want to apologize for the things he has said. He wants to apologize for messing up and costing Elijah Burke his match last week. That’s all in the past though and now it’s time for an elimination tag against the ECW Originals. Everyone will talk about the New Breed after tonight and Punk shakes hands with everyone….except for Burke. Then he comes back to shake Burke’s hand because he’s just messing with him.

Opening sequence.

Umaga vs. Bobby Lashley

Non-title and Armando Alejandro Estrada is here with Umaga. Vince McMahon (dig that hat) is watching in the back as Lashley hammers away to start but Estrada offers a quick distraction. Umaga knocks Lashley off the apron and sends him into the steps as the champ is in early trouble. A ram into the apron makes it worse but Lashley comes back in with a top rope shot to Umaga’s head. You don’t hit a Samoan in the head though and he knocks Lashley down again. The middle rope headbutt misses though and Lashley slugs away for the comeback. A clothesline puts Umaga on the floor but Estrada comes in for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t much but what are you expecting in a match that doesn’t even last four minutes? It was only going to be so good and that’s what we got here, as they didn’t have time to do anything. At the same time, that’s kind of the point as this match was supposed to be a warmup for Sunday’s handicap match, and that’s all well and good.

Post match Vince McMahon comes out as Lashley beats up Estrada, including the spear. Lashley tosses Estrada outside (with no one catching him) and stands tall.

Remember the Condemned? It’s still a thing.

Elijah Burke talks to the New Breed, minus CM Punk. He thinks they might have made a mistake with bringing Punk onboard but Marcus Cor Von says there is no we. It was all Burke’s idea to bring him onto the team and the rest of the team doesn’t seem to want to hear this. Punk comes back in and things quiet down in a hurry.

Snitsky vs. Balls Mahoney

Snitsky wastes no time in running Mahoney over and drives him into the corner to make it worse. Mahoney fights back but gets kicked in the face for the pin.

CM Punk gives the New Breed, minus Elijah Burke, a pep talk. Burke comes in and doesn’t like this happening without him.

Backlash rundown.

ECW Originals vs. New Breed

ECW Originals: Sabu, Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, Rob Van Dam
New Breed: Matt Striker, Elijah Burke, Marcus Cor Von, Kevin Thorn, CM Punk

This is elimination rules and Punk is ready to start for the team, but Burke says he’s sitting this one out. Dreamer and Burke start things off with Burke running him over but charging into a slam. Sabu comes in and Dreamer slams him onto Burke for two, setting up Sandman’s top rope knee to the back. The Rolling Rock misses though and Burke rolls Sandman up, with jeans, for the first elimination.

It’s off to Sabu and Striker, with the former hitting a springboard tornado DDT. That’s enough from Sabu so it’s off to Van Dam for the monkey flip. Cor Von’s distraction doesn’t work though and it’s a sunset bomb into a split legged moonsault to get rid of Striker. Cor Von comes in for a snap suplex but Van Dam kicks him in the head. A springboard kick to the face puts Cor Von down again and it’s back to Sabu for the camel clutch. The referee has to get rid of Van Dam though and Burke comes in with a cheap shot.

Cor Von’s swinging neckbreaker gets two on Sabu, who manages a springboard leg lariat for a breather. That’s about it for the comeback though as the Pounce ends Sabu in a hurry. Dreamer comes in and we take a break. Back with Thorn stomping on Dreamer before Cor Von comes back in for a belly to belly. Dreamer gets taken outside and crotched on the barricade….which is a DQ to get rid of Cor Von. So we’re down to Thorn/Burke vs. Dreamer/Van Dam and it’s Thorn coming in to work on Dreamer’s banged up back.

The sitout spinebuster gets two and it’s back to Burke as Punk isn’t looking pleased with all of this. Dreamer grabs a DDT out of nowhere to get rid of Thorn but the Elijah Express finishes Dreamer to get us down to one on one. Burke takes Van Dam down in a hurry and cranks on the arm but Van Dam manages a backdrop. A spinwheel kick knocks Burke off the apron….and Punk kicks him in the back. Van Dam, who didn’t seem to see Punk, throws Burke back inside for the Five Star and the pin.

Rating: C. It got some time, but this felt like it should have been a special house show main event. What mattered here was Punk vs. Burke, meaning the 19 or so minutes to get there weren’t exactly interesting. They got the important part though and the rest wasn’t terrible, so this worked out fine for the stage they were on.

Post match Van Dam leaves, so Punk helps Burke up, gives him the GTS, and says he’s sorry one more time to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The matches weren’t great but this felt like a special edition of the show. I’m not sure how much interest there is going to be in this show once the McMahons move on, but it is certainly nice while it lasts. Punk turning on Burke still feels like a course correction, which works just fine because it’s what needs to be done.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 2, 2007
Location: Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Wrestlemania has come and gone and that means it is time for one of the other biggest shows of the year. Granted that is in theory at least as the tradition has only kind of been set so far. John Cena beat Shawn Michaels to retain the Raw World Title, but (possibly) more importantly, Vince McMahon is now bald. I sense fallout so let’s get to it.

Here is Wrestlemania if you need a recap.

We don’t even open with a recap as here is John Cena to get things going. The fans really don’t sound happy to see him, but he holds the title up because the champ is here. Before he can say anything else, here is Shawn Michaels to interrupt. Shawn says this is like reliving a bad dream because he’s right here again. Last night wasn’t about sportsmanship or mind games and politics (Shawn: “BROTHER!”) but about winning and losing.

Shawn lost, but he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like having to stick out his hand and tell someone that they are the better man. That isn’t happening this time anyway because Cena ISN’T the better man. Cena: “Anytime, anyplace.” Shawn isn’t busy right now so Dayton, Ohio sounds like a good place for him. Hold on though as here is Coach to say the Tag Team Titles need to be defended, so let’s have a ten team battle royal for those titles.

Tag Team Titles: Battle Royal

John Cena/Shawn Michaels, King Booker/Finlay, Kenny Dykstra/Chris Masters, Rob Van Dam/Sabu, Cryme Tyme, Deuce & Domino, Elijah Burke/Matt Striker, Eugene/Jim Duggan, Highlanders, Chavo Guerrero/Gregory Helms

Cena and Michaels are defending and only one member has to be eliminated. We’re joined in progress with Dykstra being tossed to clear the ring out a bit and the general brawling is on. Deuce gets rid of JTG and Burke dropkicks Eugene out as we’re already down to six. Er, five as Guerrero and Helms are missing too, though I don’t know if they were even in there when we came back from the break.

Anyway the Highlanders are tossed as well and Deuce & Domino go after Shawn, earning themselves an elimination from Cena. Striker is out as well and there goes Van Dam after him, leaving us with Finlay/Booker vs. Cena/Michaels. Finlay clotheslines Booker by mistake so Cena sends Finlay to the apron, where Shawn can superkick him out to retain.

Rating: D+. To paraphrase Statler and Waldorf, it was boring, it wasn’t very good, it was….short. That’s how you need to run something like this, as while Cena and Michaels can drop the titles, they probably aren’t dropping them to most of these teams. You have a bunch of jobbers, a few teams who have vanished in recent weeks and a few teams who might have teamed together on Heat at most. Where exactly was the drama here?

Hold on though as here is Coach again to say we need to do this again, with NINE MORE TEAMS!

Tag Team Titles: Battle Royal

John Cena/Shawn Michaels, Hardys, Paul London/Brian Kendrick, William Regal/Dave Taylor, Kevin Thorn/Marcus Cor Von, Gregory Helms/Chavo Guerrero, Sandman/Tommy Dreamer, Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch, Val Venis/Viscera, Johnny Nitro/The Miz,

Cena and Michaels are defending and either Guerrero/Helms are working a double or Lawler got confused when he mentioned them being in the first battle royal and there were only nine teams. Anyway, it’s a big brawl to start and the mob can’t get rid of Viscera. Growing brains at the same time though, they toss Venis in a hurry and we’re down to nine. Regal and Taylor are gone and Dreamer/Sandman join them as we take a break.

Back with JR’s voice going in a hurry and the champs getting rid of Miz and Nitro (in their first time teaming together for some trivia)….and then Shawn dumps Cena. Well that’s a curve ball. It’s smart, but it’s a curve ball. Kendrick and Chavo eliminate each other (with no mention of London and Kendrick possibly becoming double champions) so we’re down to the Hardys vs. Cade/Murdoch.

Jeff goes stupid (shocking I know) by hammering away with right hands in the corner on Murdoch but manages to get back down. An atomic drop/big boot combination knocks Jeff silly but Matt cuts off the toss attempt. The Hardys hit stereo middle rope legdrops, setting up Poetry In Motion to get rid of Murdoch for the win and the titles.

Rating: C-. The Hardys winning is completely fine as they are the veteran teams who can get the titles back and then drop them to someone in a bigger match. There is some value in one more run with the Hardys as champions so this is about as safe of a way to go for the titles as you can have. Cena and Michaels didn’t need the titles to continue their story so letting them go and be built back up again is the right move.

Timbaland (music producer) is here and does not want to be on camera.

Shawn Michaels did that because he wants the WWE Title and nothing more. Randy Orton comes in to say Cena can’t beat Shawn, but not him. We’ll see about that.

Wrestlemania highlight package set to Ladies And Gentlemen. That really is a heck of a show.

We go to the back to see Vince McMahon….or at least from his eyes (as in his eyes are serving as the camera) as he walks down the hallway. He takes off his hat to show Maria and Candice Michelle his hat. They, uh, like it, though Eugene and Cryme Tyme laugh. Ron Simmons can barely get his catchphrase out, so Vince is going to the ring so he can yell at the people. Vince: “I HATE TRUMP!”

Here is Vince, in a snappy hat, and he tells Lilian Garcia to stay in the ring. Vince talks about what a travesty of justice took place last night at the hands of Steve Austin. Had it not been for him, Donald Trump would be bald. Therefore, by his authority, Wrestlemania DID NOT HAPPEN for him, so Lilian gets to announce Vince as the winner of the Battle of the Billionaires.

To further prove his point about having authority, Bobby Lashley is defending the ECW World Title against Umaga tonight. As for Vince, you won’t be seeing him bald tonight (Vince: “You like the hat?”) because he has had his hat surgically attached to his head until his hair grows back. It’s going to be fast too, because his surgeon says Vince has more testosterone than an all male prison. He is happy to disappoint everyone and there is no chance in h*** that you will see his bald head.

Cue Lashley to rib the hat off (Lawler: “HIS HEAD’S POINTY!”) so Vince covers up with a towel. That’s covered up as well, so Vince hides under Lilian’s skirt. Lashley rips that off and Vince runs away. This was the good old fashioned humiliation segment and Vince excels at them like no other.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Torrie Wilson is here with Flair and Carlito as JR’s voice is almost completely gone. Benjamin clotheslines Carlito to start but walks into a knee lift. A kick to the face drops Carlito and Haas drives him into the corner. More pounding sets up a Benjamin suplex for two but Carlito is back up with a springboard elbow to the face. The hot tag brings in Flair to start chopping away but Benjamin grabs a backdrop. Carlito breaks up the Broken Arrow though and it’s the chop block into the Figure Four to make Haas tap in a hurry.

Rating: C-. Totally basic tag match to get Flair and Carlito out there for a fast appearance. I know the team is just a short story to give Flair something to do but there is something nice about seeing him celebrating any kind of a win. Flair has won more titles than he knows what to do with, but he seemed happy to have won a nothing tag match on Raw. That’s kind of the point, and it is so often forgotten.

Video on the Hall of Fame induction ceremony.

Timbaland is here as a fan and wants to hear a WOO. Some of the Divas are going to be in his next video and he is making his picks soon. He seemed rather down to earth here and like he was having a good time.

Here’s Melina for a Special Photo Op. She thinks she should be in Timbaland’s video and he seems to approve. Last night she proved that Ashley was nothing more than a pretty face, and being Women’s Champion means more than posing in Playboy. Therefore, to commemorate her win last night, she is going to have a special photo op for the paparazzi. Cue Mickie James to lay Melina out, including with the jumping DDT.

Mick Foley talks about how much WWE does with Make-A-Wish. Next week, we are going to see a special wish granted. That’s always cool.

Great Khali vs. Super Crazy

Crazy goes right at him and hits a missile dropkick. That’s about it though as the double chokeslam finishes him in less than a minute.

Vince McMahon is mad about Bobby Lashley and adds Armando Alejandro Estrada to the Lashley vs. Umaga match. Estrada better not fail him.

We look at Shawn Michaels turning on John Cena, followed by the Hardys winning the Tag Team Titles.

The Hardys are happy to win their sixth Tag Team Titles.

JR’s voice is DONE as he introduces the video from the premiere of the Condemned.

Here is Edge on the stage, saying a lesser man would not be standing here tonight. It took everything he had to get himself out of bed this morning. Edge talks about how he knows he can beat John Cena, Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels. They can call themselves whatever they want, but he calls himself the best. Everyone else can get ready to call him champion.

ECW World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga/Armando Alejandro Estrada

Lashley is defending but gets jumped before the bell and sent face first into the steps. Umaga charges into an elbow in the corner and Lashley drives Estrada into the corner with a shoulder. That’s broken up from behind though and Umaga sits on Lashley’s chest for two. Umaga chokes away on the rope and cuts off a comeback with the Samoan drop. A kick to the face gives Umaga two more but Lashley is able to chase Estrada outside.

Another slugout goes to Umaga and Estrada gets a quick two. A splash gives Umaga two more and he punches a charging Lashley down. Some choking puts Lashley down in the corner but Umaga has to cut him off again. The running hip attack connects in the corner and Umaga loads up the Spike. The shouting takes a bit too long though and Lashley knocks it away, setting up a spear to Umaga. Estrada makes the save but Umaga splashes him by mistake. Another spear sends Umaga outside and the running powerslam retains Lashley’s title.

Rating: D. House show style main event here with Lashley not doing much besides punching and the spears. I like that they didn’t do the same match two nights in a row and the Estrada factor let Umaga save some face. Not a good match or anything close to it, but what more could you want in a match like this one? If nothing else, it was interesting to hear Lawler call a match on his own as JR’s voice was completely gone.

Overall Rating: C. The wrestling wasn’t the point here and a lot of the show felt like they were taking the night off. The big story was Shawn vs. Cena continuing and getting rid of the Tag Team Titles. It was a fast moving show, but you’re only getting so much when they’re more or less basking in the Wrestlemania glow. Not a great show, but an easy one to watch after the pressure over the previous weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 15, 2007
Location: Centurytel Center, Bossier City, Louisiana
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are on the way to the Royal Rumble though you might not know it based on how the last few weeks have gone. Instead, the last few weeks have focused on various celebrities, or at least celebrity impersonators in last week’s case. The actual wrestling stories coming out of last week saw a likely rematch being set up between John Cena and Umaga for the Raw World Title, and Shawn Michaels vs. Rated-RKO this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with the traditional Martin Luther King Jr. Day video. That’s a rather nice tradition for the show.

Here is John Cena to get things going and we’ve got a contract signing. Boss Jonathan Coachman brings out Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada and Umaga turns the chair over in a hurry. Coach has an idea to make the match special, so Estrada gets to pick the stipulation. Estrada doesn’t want another fluke win, so we’ll be having a Last Man Standing match.

Since Umaga is, you know, a savage, Estrada signs for him, but Cena says he must be crazy to do this. Well sure why not, so Cena signs and then dives onto Umaga to start the fight. They go to the floor and Cena hits him in the head with the steps. Back in and the FU puts Estrada through the table. Counting the King video and the opening, we are done with this segment about ten minutes into the show. I can absolutely go with that kind of efficiency for a contract signing.

Johnny Nitro/Melina vs. Jeff Hardy/Maria

Maria doing Jeff’s entrance dance is certainly a sight. Nitro bails from the threat of an early Twist of Fate attempt so it’s off to Melina. Maria comes in and bulldogs her out of the corner for two but Nitro trips her from the apron. We hit the reverse chinlock to put Maria down for a change but she counters a backbreaker into a headscissors. It’s off to Nitro so Maria kicks him in the shin, allowing Jeff to hit the Whisper in the Wind. Maria takes Melina outside, leaving Jeff to break up a superplex attempt. The Swanton is good for the pin on Nitro.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to do much but it was a fine way to advance both feuds, even if the men should have wrapped up. Maria isn’t going to be a serious competitor in the ring but at least she can do enough basic stuff to get by in something like this. Let the experienced people get in and do their thing and get out, which is exactly what they did here.

Vince McMahon calls Donald Trump but Trump’s secretary, who doesn’t know who Vince is, says he is having dinner. Vince starts to give out the number but looks at Coach and stops himself. Coach doesn’t seem to buy that Trump is going to call back.

Here is Rated-RKO for a chat but DX’s music interrupts them. The music turns into a flatline sound though, with Randy Orton saying that is what is happening to DX. Tonight they are taking out Shawn Michaels and HHH is already sitting at home recovering from a torn quadricep muscle.

Orton leaves to take care of something backstage while Edge talks about how Shawn’s TV debut took place near here, so him being destroyed makes sense. Edge goes to check on Orton….and they drag out a bloody Jim Duggan. Since Duggan might help Shawn later, we need a demonstration of what Shawn has coming for him. Duggan gets a Conchairto and here are the referees, just a few seconds late of course.

Ric Flair vs. Kenny Dykstra

How many times are these guys going to fight??? Flair takes him into the corner for the chops to start and there’s a headlock takeover. Dykstra fights up and gets in a shot to Flair’s knee, setting up a Figure Four of his own. That’s broken up and Flair chops away before cutting off a charge with an elbow to the face. Flair goes up and actually hits something like a top rope clothesline for two. JR: “I think we just saw a moment!” Dykstra is right back with a rollup but gets caught grabbing the rope. Flair’s rollup with trunks gets two so he tries another and, this time with putting his feet on the ropes, gets the pin.

Rating: C-. And they’re done. Or at least they should be, as this feud has already gone on far too long. Flair took him to school here and got his win back. Now let the whole thing go and move on to anything else, because it wasn’t exactly an interesting feud in the first place. Dykstra is as midcard of a midcard heel as you can get so let’s move on to something else already.

Smackdown Rebound.

Shawn Michaels arrives and is told about what happened to Jim Duggan. That’s not what Shawn wanted but he only has one partner. He’ll do this alone tonight, but Ric Flair comes in to say he’ll fight with Shawn tonight. Shawn shakes his hand but still seems nervous.

Vince McMahon is still waiting on Donald Trump’s call but Coach suggests it might be Vince’s batteries. Vince: “There is nothing wrong with my batteries.” Coach asks Vince what the big deal is and Vince pulls out a letter that Trump sent him last week. The letter talks about how Trump is a big WWE fan but he didn’t like the Trump vs. Rosie O’Donnell match last week. Trump will be watching this week and wants something better. Oh and watch the Apprentice on Sunday nights. Coach is a fan, but Vince would rather talk about the compelling television you are about to see.

Wrestlemania is coming in 76 days.

Here is Vince McMahon to give us compelling television and I’m as scared as you are. He knows Donald Trump wants compelling television so let’s look at Rosie vs. Trump from last week. Hold on though as we need to see it in SLOW MOTION. Vince sees a difference between himself and Trump: instead of asking the audience what they want and then giving it to them like Trump, Vince decides what his fans wants and then gives it to them (How in the world is that not a FAR more quoted line?).

Vince moves on to the Miss USA controversy, as she did something that meant she should lose her crown. It turns out that Miss USA is here tonight, so here is Torrie Wilson in a gown. Torrie reluctantly says she has been a bad girl and asks how she can make it up to Vince, America’s Favorite Billionaire.

Cue an angry Carlito to interrupt and say that Vince is not cool. Trump vs. Rosie sucked and this is brutal. Trump was right: Vince doesn’t know what people want and the fans want to see people fight. Vince likes that idea and is ready to go right now…but let’s have Great Khali do it instead. Carlito gets in a few shots until a big chop and the double chokeslam leave him laying. Vince: “Now that? That’s cool.”

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Victoria

Mickie is defending so Victoria pulls her down by the hair. That’s fine enough as Mickie jumps over her in the corner and does the same thing. Mickie gets draped over the top rope so Mickie can throw in a few spanks. That earns Mickie a trip to the floor and a baseball slide takes her out in a hurry. Back in and Victoria tosses her around by the hair and then stands on it for a bonus. Mickie cradles her for two so Victoria pulls on her leg. That’s broken up but the MickieDT is countered into the swinging side slam. Mickie is sick of this and hits a spinning kick to the face to retain.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t exactly their best work as it felt sluggish to go with all of the botches. These two are capable of having a good match because they have the chemistry together, but it just wasn’t clicking this time. This should end the feud, as Mickie can move on to Melina while Victoria can continue to be more talented than most of the women featured on the show.

We recap the contract signing.

Royal Rumble rundown….now with 25 names already entered into the Rumble. There is something to be said for the “throw everyone in at once” method.

Here is Chris Masters for a chat. He is ready for the Royal Rumble and the winner is standing before you. Masters pulls out a note while talking about how no one can break the Masterlock. The note is a signed document from Vince McMahon himself, which says that since JBL interfered in Iraq, the Masterlock has NEVER been broken.

The Masterlock Challenge is on again so here is Ron Simmons of all people to accept. Masters immediately starts backing off but Simmons shoves him down. The hold goes on and, after the usual escape tease….Super Crazy of all people comes in to jump Masters. Simmons watches as Crazy lays Masters out, meaning it’s catchphrase time.

Wrestlemania Recall: Rob Van Dam wins Money in the Bank.

JR confirms that Simmons did NOT break the Masterlock, due to Crazy’s interference.

Ric Flair has been attacked and laid out. Again. What is that, three times since Rated-RKO formed?

JTG vs. Shelton Benjamin

Shad Gaspard and Charlie Haas are here too. Shelton breaks up an early headscissors to start by hitting a shoulder breaker out of the corner. A hammerlock stays on the arm and Shelton sends it hard into the buckle. The referee has to yell at Shad as JTG fights back, only to get kicked in the face. Shad uses the distraction to unhook a turnbuckle pad so Haas complains, allowing Shad to break up a powerbomb attempt to give JTG the pin.

Ric Flair is on his way to the hospital so Shawn Michaels is rather upset. He superkicks Todd Grisham to blow off some steam.

We get a video with HHH talking about his quad injury and surgery. This goes on for a good while.

Shawn Michaels vs. Rated-RKO

Non-title. Before the match, Rated-RKO mocks DX’s intro and has security confiscate all of the DX signs. Shawn charges in and starts fast by sending both of them out to the floor. We settle down to Edge getting chopped in the corner until he rakes the eyes to escape. Orton comes in and gets hammered down in a hurry. Shawn is sent outside though and Edge blasts him with a running clothesline.

Back in and Edge hammers Shawn down without much effort to bust him open. Orton’s backbreaker lets Edge hammer away even more until we take a break. It’s back to Orton to get in some right hands of his own but Shawn flips over in the corner and nails a clothesline. Edge comes back in and spears Orton by mistake and Shawn has a chance.

The comeback is on with the forearm into the nipup into the atomic drop. Shawn’s top rope elbow connects but he can’t follow up right away. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up but Shawn has to jump Orton as he comes back in. Edge hits the spear and now it’s time for the chairs so the referee throws it out.

Rating: C. This worked out about as well as it could have as there was only so much that could be done here. Shawn can’t beat the champs on his own but you don’t want them beating Shawn because he has no partner and no real place to go if he loses. It wasn’t a bad match at all, but it was much more about finding a way out than anything else.

Post match the Conchairto is loaded up but Shawn nips it up into Edge’s face which is only slightly better than I remember seeing it live. Shawn fights back and finds the sledgehammer to knock Orton out. A Conchairto is loaded up and Orton is crushed to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. I’m glad they have named most of the Royal Rumble entrants but the rest of the show was barely worth seeing. The contract signing worked, but it was one of those shows where it felt like they didn’t have much to do and jumped through the two hours as quickly as they could. While it isn’t a terrible show, it’s a totally skippable one (especially the Trump/Vince stuff), which tends to be the case until we get to the Rumble.

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