Today’s is a wrestler that is much more about the legacy than any individual accomplishments: Abdullah the Butcher.

Abdullah is a guy who took on an entirely different persona than he actually lived. Born in Canada, he took on the persona of a crazy man from the Sudan who never spoke in America and had handlers to do his talking for him. He never stuck around in one place for too long, meaning he was never going to win much more than a regional title. More often than not his story was that he was brought in by a big heel to take care of a big face, meaning this is going to be a different kind of look today. Basically I’ll just be looking at a handful of random matches from around the world, as Abdullah has been everywhere other than the WWF.

First up we’ll look at a match from World Championship Wrestling in the 1970s. Now a lot of you must be saying WCW didn’t exist in the 70s and if you only know of one WCW, you would be correct. This is World Championship Wrestling from Australia. I’m not sure on a date but the promotion closed in December 1978 so it’s before then at the latest.

Mark Lewin vs. Abdullah the Butcher

This is a called a war match so I’m assuming this is an old feud. Lewin is a guy most famous for his brawling so it should be a good fight. Butcher headbutts him into the corner and chokes away but Lewin comes back with some hard right hands to the head. More right hands knock the Butcher around before Lewin whips him into the corner over and over. Now it’s Butcher with right hands as this has been almost nothing but punches. Lewin grabs his sleeper finisher but has to dropkick Butcher’s handler Big Bad John. Butcher ducks a charging Lewin to send him into the ropes, tying his head in the cables for the eventual DQ.

Rating: D. This was exactly what it was supposed to be, though I’ve never heard of a war ending on a disqualifications. Lewin was a guy who was only going to work in the old system of wrestling. He wasn’t bad but it was all character instead of much to see in the ring, which was perfect for the 70s.

Post match King Curtis Iaukea (top star of the territory) comes out for the save but is sent into the buckle to put him down. Butcher goes after the referee but Iaukea gets up and fights Butcher off. Lewin declares the war is still on.

Now it’s off to Japan in 1982 for a match with a guy you may have heard of: Hulk Hogan.

Abdullah the Butcher vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan looks far less cut up here. He’s still big and muscular but there’s nowhere near the definition. A LOUD Hogan chant starts up but Butcher shoves him away. Hulk shoves him right back but no one goes anywhere off running shoulder blocks. A jumping knee is enough to send Butcher to the floor though as the crowd is way into this. We hit the bearhug from Hogan for a change and he lifts the 400lb Butcher up in a nice power display.

Butcher finally goes to the eyes to escape and sends Hogan outside with one shot. They brawl on the floor with Hogan taking over and putting on a sleeper back inside. A running clothesline puts Butcher down but Hulk’s splash hits legs. Not knees, but legs as Butcher doesn’t raise anything. Butcher goes to the forehead and you can see Hogan blade.

A fork shot to the cut has Hogan’s blood all over Abdullah’s ample stomach and he rolls to the floor. Back in and Butcher hits a brainbuster and the elbow for two but it’s time to Hulk Up (not yet perfected). Hogan punches him to the floor and they head into the crowd for a double countout.

Rating: D+. Eh it’s Hogan against a monster with a hot crowd so what else are you expecting? Butcher would have been great as a heel of the month against Hogan on the WWF house show circuit but he never came to the company. Hogan was his usual self here instead of being the different guy he normally was in Japan.

To avoid the scorn of certain commenters, here’s a match against Andre the Giant from Puerto Rico at the WWC’s first anniversary show on September 13, 1983.

Andre the Giant vs. Abdullah the Butcher

Andre easily knocks him out to the floor with ease before bringing him back inside for some HARD right hands and chops in the corner. The Butcher stops a “charging” Andre with an uppercut in the corner before headbutting him down to the mat. Choking ensues but Andre comes back with chops to the chest. Abduallah pulls something out of his pants and jabs Andre in the throat before they lay on each other in the corner. Andre gets tired of this fighting stuff and just goes off on the Butcher, knocking him out through the ropes and into the crowd for a double countout.

Rating: D-. The wrestling sucked but watching Andre beat on people is always worth seeing, especially when he could still move. It’s not a good match at all but the fans were into seeing the EVIL Butcher get what was coming to him from someone he couldn’t push around. More fun than good and there’s nothing wrong with that.

We’ll stay in Puerto Rico with an ultra rare Zeus match from the 1990 anniversary show on July 7, 1990. And yes, it’s that Zeus.

Zeus vs. Abdullah the Butcher

In case you’ve never heard of him, Zeus was an actor that was brought in as a monster heel against Hogan, only for everyone to realize that he’s an actor, meaning he can’t wrestle. It’s a brawl on the floor to start as the fans are INSANE for this match. Zeus mauls the Butcher on the floor before the bell and poses in the ring but that just warms Abdullah up. We go inside with Butcher, apparently a crowd favorite here, staring at Zeus as trash is thrown into the ring.

Zeus chokes away in the corner before putting on an awkward looking bearhug. Butcher gets pounded down in the corner as Zeus clearly can’t do more than one or two moves. Again, not his fault as he’s not a wrestler. The Butcher comes back with a shot to the throat but Zeus pounds away with left hands and chokes Abdullah into the corner. Abdullah won’t go down though and pulls out his trusty fork, only to have Zeus take it away and put on another bearhug.

Butcher finally remembers those Hulk Hogan tapes he watched and goes to the eyes to escape and Zeus is in big trouble. The elbow (signature move) only gets one on Zeus and it’s back to the choking. No one goes anywhere off some shoulder blocks so Zeus chokes some more. Butcher comes back with a single right hand to put Zeus on the mat and it’s off to a nerve hold.

Zeus glares his way out of the hold and monkey flips Abdullah (seriously) down for some more choking. A few kicks to the ribs put Zeus in more trouble and they slug it out some more. Butcher knocks Zeus outside but he puts on a bearhug from the apron. They head outside and Zeus blasts him with a wooden podium as we get a double countout.

Rating: C. That rating only works if you look at it as ANYTHING other than a wrestling match. This was a spectacle instead of a match and that’s the best way it could have worked. Zeus wasn’t a wrestler and couldn’t do much more than bearhugs and chokes but you can’t hold that against him. Incredibly fun stuff here.

We’ll close things out with one of only three matches from Butcher’s most famous run in America. It’s the Chamber of Horrors match at Halloween Havoc 1991, which is a huge team match but when else am I going to get to talk about this?

Cactus Jack/Abdullah The Butcher/Diamond Studd/Big Van Vader vs. Steiner Brothers/El Gignate/Sting

Oh boy it’s the Chamber of Horrors. Now if you’ve never heard of this, clear some room off your list of absurd gimmicks. This is inside a cage similar to the Cell, although there’s no top on it and the holes in the cage are bigger. Inside are coffins, skeletons and a few weapons. The idea of the match is that everyone is fighting at once and at some point during the match, an electric chair will lower from the ceiling. Someone must be placed in the chair, strapped down and someone from the other team has to throw a switch, “electrocuting” them. And somehow, it’ll be even dumber than it sounds.

Oh and Gigante is replacing the injured Windham and Cactus is replacing Oz, although Oz will be in a match later and apparently Oz replaced Jack in that match. No idea why they made the switch. Jack comes out with a chainsaw minus the chain. Sting is US Champion here and yes, this is really what they’re using him for. Cactus jumps Sting on the ramp and Abdullah helps, but Rick comes out for the save. This is before we’re even in the cage. Well Rick was but he left because it’s just a cage so why should it be hard to stay inside?

In the ring Scott kills the Studd with a Tiger Driver while Gigante fights Vader. Sting gets a kendo stick to pound away on everyone he sees. Well everyone that isn’t on his team that is. Or the referee either. Speaking of the referee, he has a camera on his head here which is really more annoying than anything else. That could be an interesting idea for an angle but it never went anywhere.

People in masks pop out of those caskets. They don’t do anything but they pop out anyway. Sting clotheslines Vader to the floor and Gigante pulls Studd off of the cage wall. The Steiners hit their top rope DDT on Cactus as the chair is lowered. Vader knocks Rick into the chair but Rick clotheslines his way out of it. Sting throws a casket lid up in the air so it lands on Cactus’ head.

Now we have ghouls coming out with a stretcher. Again they don’t do anything but they’re there. Scott shatters a kendo stick over Cactus’ head, breaking him open. Cactus and Sting climb the cage and ram each other into it, which is one of the few actual clear brawls in the match. The rest of it is too hard to call because of the awful camera work. Sting has the stick now and stabs Hall with it.

It’s pretty much impossible to call this match as everything is all over the place and it’s just random brawling. Sting is busted open, as is Abdullah. Cactus goes for the switch as Rick is put in the chair, but the future Freakzilla makes the save. The heels get Rick into the chair for a second but he fights out of it pretty quickly. He gets put in there again and Cactus goes for the switch. Steiner suplexes Abdullah into the chair instead and after Cactus takes FOREVER to stand next to the switch, he throws the lever and Abdullah gets “electrocuted.”

Rating: W. As in wow, what were they smoking, or why. You can pick whichever you like and I think it’ll be fine. This was a huge mess but to me, this is pure nostalgia. I haven’t seen this match in years but I still remember about 80% of the commentary word for word. The match is terrible and incredibly stupid but it’s a fond memory for me so I can’t hate it.

Cactus checks on Abdullah post match but the Butcher gets up and beats up the ghouls that brought out the stretcher earlier.

Abdullah the Butcher is one of those guys that doesn’t have a definitive history because he was the traveling attraction of the old days. As I said, he never was around in one place all that much and if it was he was little more than a bigger villain’s hired goon. He’s a guy who lived off his reputation and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

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Global Warning
Date: August 10, 2002
Location: Colonial Stadium, Melbourne, Australia
Attendance: 56,734
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

So this is another one of those it’s really a house show but we’ll put it on DVD and give you a really big card and a PPV feeling shows. This is the only PPV from Australia that I can think of other than some all-star shows and the like. The main event is HHH vs. Rock vs. Lesnar as Summerslam where Brock became champion was like two weeks away. Other than that there isn’t much here, but this is one of those obscure shows I’ve needed to do so let’s get to it. Oh and it’s a Smackdown show.

Apparently there were three matches on the card that didn’t come on the home video: Mark Henry/Randy Orton vs. D-Von/Batista (yes they were a real team), Hardcore Holly/Chavo vs. Billy/Chuck and Kurt Angle vs. Test.

Stephanie, the GM of Smackdown, comes out first. Dang I forgot how hot she could be. The crowd is HUGE here and it looks great. Also the ramp is freaking huge as it takes her almost 30 seconds to get to the ring at regular speed. She actually does a decent job of hyping the crowd which is impressive.

Rikishi vs. Rico

The loser has to kiss up to the winner. Ok then. Stephanie dances with Rikishi on the way to the ring. Could we just watch that for a few hours instead?  Rico is still just the stylist here and isn’t the flamboyant character yet.  The fat man’s leg is taped up here for no explained reason. The crowd is great here. Maybe a minute and a half in Rikishi goes for the Rump Shaker but Rico gets out of the way. Rikishi was supposed to be this big deal on Smackdown but he never really was. Rico misses a moonsault (looked perfect by the way) and a Samoan Drop ends it.

This was VERY short, not even breaking 3 minutes. Rikishi gives him a Stink Face which counts as kissing I guess. Rikishi gets some kids into the ring and dances with them. That’s always cool.

Rating: N/A. This was too short to be anything but it did a great job of getting the crowd which was already hot even hotter which is what an opener is supposed to do. This did its job and I’ve always had a soft spot for Rico. The guy was on the roster for like 3 years and he always gave it his all despite having a horrible gimmick. That’s all you can ask for and I can always respect it.

We see a video of Nidia and Jamie Noble going surfing. There is really no point to this as it’s not funny or interesting or anything like that, but I guess the culture thing is ok. Jamie Noble wearing glasses is different.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Hurricane

Noble is champion and a heel here, despite us watching him talk about how beautiful scenery is in a total non-kayfabe interview. I don’t get that. What was the point if they’re not in character or anything like that? Hurricane goes for the chokeslam but it doesn’t work.

Nidia kisses him for no apparent reason other than to distract him. Cole and Taz talk about Australian Rules Football and Taz more or less could care less. That was kind of funny. Instead of a cover, Nidia kisses Noble. Sure why not? You can tell the announcers could care less about the censors or whatever as a lot of their jokes are sex related etc. I can’t imagine Vince is watching or anything like that so there we are.

I love that jumping neckbreaker that Helms does. Helms just goes insane with some cool offense and Noble is in trouble. Something a lot of you might not know is that Noble used to be the ROH World Champion and I think Punk beat him to win the title. There’s a different one.

Vertebreaker doesn’t connect but a Northern Lights from Noble gets two. Hurricane hits a swinging neckbreaker from the top which looked great. Nidia comes up on the apron and Noble wins with a backslide of all things. Hurricane hits a chokeslam on Noble after the match.

Rating: B-. This started really slow and then went WAY up very fast. They just let loose out there and it worked very well. This is what the cruiserweight division should have been about but it just never clicked. And then a leprechaun got the belt. Sure why not. Anyway, this was a great match after the first minute or two, but the predictable ending hurt it.

Christian and Lance Storm and some other guys go to the zoo. Angle gets called a bugger. Angle plays with a dog which is amusing. He talks about loving animals and wants to ride a giraffe. This is FAR better than the surfing thing as Angle is an interesting person and stays in character here for the most part. In other news, Christian tries to feed a kangaroo and Angle calls him Jay. His real name is Jason, so that’s WEIRD to head. He also says the words babyface and heel. What have I stumbled onto?

Tag Titles: Christian/Lance Storm vs. Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman

I’m pretty sure there were only one set of tag titles at this point. This is Raw vs. Smackdown actually with the champions, the Canadians, being from Raw. Kidman has some awesome music here. Yeah there is just one set of belts at this point. The Smackdown ones would be introduced about two and a half months after this in late October.

Rey is WAY over. We get a little history of Rey, including why he has a crown on his mask: Rey means King, hence his name meaning King of Mystery or Mystery King. Kidman and Storm start us off so I can’t complain. Taz talks about Christian’s history of tag team success and Cole comes from out of NOWHERE with some story about going to an oyster bar. Cole is being more annoying and random than usual here which is saying a lot.

Christian apparently wanted to come to the original ECW and Taz might have said no to him. Well that’s interesting. That came from commentary. I told you they’re being different here. Storm and Christian suck apparently. Storm hooks a modified crossface chickenwing.

I’ve always liked Storm’s work especially in ECW. Kidman gets the hot tag and takes over. There’s a belt in the ring along with all four guys. Christian takes a 619 and then Storm takes a SWEET double team assisted rana from Rey. Just a ton of crazy high spots here but Storm hits Kidman in the head with the title for the pin.

Rating: C+. Not bad here especially with the insane high spots near the end. This was what you would expect from a match like this on this kind of card though. No one expected a title change but that’s fine. It came off well and did what it was supposed to do so I can’t complain much there. This worked fine.

Kidman, Torrie and Edge go sight seeing. Torrie goes shopping. Kidman goes shopping. Edge goes shopping. This is riveting. And then they eat cake.

Chris Jericho vs. Edge

This works. Jericho is heel and Edge is face here I believe. Yeah that’s right. This is Raw vs. Smackdown also with Edge being on Smackdown. Edge was on the verge of a HUGE push here and had it not been for HHH and Shawn might have won the first Elimination Chamber.

The original plan had been for him to jump during the show and take someone’s spot to beat HHH for the title. HHH decided against it and thought Shawn should win the title. Dang that match ticked me off and that was before I knew about the Edge thing. SWEET GOODNESS Edge is popular here. He was the hottest thing in the world at this point and is filming everything here. The fans think Jericho is a wanker.

Jericho gets on the mic and yells at the fans for being rude to him before the match which is always a nice touch. Jericho is tied up in the ropes so I have a good feeling about this match. Taz keeps complaining about being stuck in his hotel room eating panda salad. The commentary on this show really is good. Cole goes on a rant about the taxis being clean in Melbourne. You can tell there’s no Vince yelling in their ears as they’re far looser here and it’s very nice.

Tazz wants to know if Cole has ever tried a vertical suplex on himself in his hotel room. There goes the turnbuckle pad. Cole says he wants to be unbiased. Given the Danielson angle, that’s very funny. Edge gets ALL FIRED UP and Jericho is in trouble. He gets a sitout Gordbuster from the top for two. Sweet looking move there.

Edge spears the referee by mistake and it’s chair time. They go through their finishers and the second spear from Edge only gets two. Ah there’s your chair to Edge’s throat. The Lionsault hits but only gets two. Yeah I’m stunned too. We go WAY old school with a slingshot into the exposed buckle and an Edge-O-Matic for two.

This is very solid stuff here. Jericho goes for the Walls but gets rolled up for the pin. Nice ending but a bit sudden. Jericho throws a fit afterwards which is an old standard for him. Edge climbs up a light tower and soaks in the crowd, which is indeed huge.

Rating: B-. Seriously, did you expect this to not be good? It was missing a little something but that’s fine. This was a great use of about 12 minutes and it worked out fine. Edge continues to be just freaking awesome here as you would expect him to be. Edge was going to be a huge star and if he hadn’t hurt his neck there was no telling how big.

We see highlights from the Fan Frenzy event which is like Access but not as big. These are always cool. Stacy Keibler is too pretty if that’s possible.

Val Venis is here. He’s likely the referee for the Bra and Panties match. Ah make that ring announcer. Well he can talk so that’s all that matters here. He uses the standard going down line which his voice is perfect for.

Torrie Wilson vs. Stacy Keibler

Torrie ties her up to start as this isn’t very interesting.  They do the spot with the referee where they roll onto him and there go HIS pants. And here’s Nidia for no apparent reason. Torrie “fight” them off and pulls Nidia’s shorts off. Torrie wins.

Rating: N/A. They made no secret here about what this was which is fine as it filled about 8 minutes or so.

We see highlights of a charity dinner for families with members that have cancer. There’s an auction too which is always cool. I’ll never make fun of charity stuff.

Undisputed Title: Brock Lesnar vs. The Rock vs. HHH

If I remember right, this is the last time HHH and the Rock were in the same ring. Hogan was supposed to be in this but bailed at the last minute. Last night at the charity dinner there were large paintings auctioned off and the third was of Hogan, not Lesnar. Brock was about two weeks from winning the world title, so the outcome here is pretty clear.

HHH is a heel here, having beaten up Shawn recently. No mention is made of Summerslam, which is odd. HHH vs. Lesnar is one heck of a staredown. That was supposed to be the main event of Mania 21 but Lesnar left. We got HHH vs. Batista instead so I can live with that I guess.

This doesn’t make sense: HHH had been revealed as the guy that put Shawn through the window, and he’s definitely over as a face here. Was Australian TV behind, as that happened about two weeks prior to this. That’s very odd. Ok Hogan was supposed to be in this but Brock hurt him, hence his absence. Ok then, at least that makes sense.

Wow it’s weird seeing Rock and HHH working together even for a few seconds. Pretty much they’re just competing to get in the last strike here which is kind of boring. HHH and Brock work together and Norcal smiles. Dang Brock can throw a freaking clothesline. Brock and Rock botch something and we hit the floor. Heyman jumps Rock and even Taz wants Heyman beaten down.

The two lighter skinned guys go at it in the ring with Brock dominating. Brock sets Rock for the F5 and for no apparent reason HHH interrupts it and goes for the Pedigree. So instead of letting Brock both use energy and take Rock out, HHH decides to do it himself. And remember: he’s BRILLIANT. HHH is busted open and Brock gets the bear hug. Rock takes a Pedigree but Brock makes the save. HHH takes an F5 for I think the only time ever.

Brock kicks out of the Elbow as this is pretty good. I love how Rock takes the F5. HHH of course makes the save. Notice right there that Brock kicked out of the Elbow but Rock had to be saved. Subtle but important. Then he kicks out of the PEDIGREE. Sweet GOODNESS he was pushed hard. HHH argues with the referee and walks into the Rock Bottom for Rock to retain. We’re off the air maybe 10 seconds after that, but the pin happened so it’s all good.

Rating: B-. This was fine for what it was. There was no way Rock would lose here, but they gave him an actual threat and that’s all they really needed to do I think. For the main event of a glorified house show, this came off great. Brock looked like a freaking MONSTER which was the point and Rock retains. HHH was a great placeholder, although there was zero mention of Shawn which was just odd. Still though, decent match and fine for the main event.

Overall Rating: B. This is on an adjusted scale since this wasn’t put on American TV until 24/7 came into existence so it’s not like it was supposed to be a huge show. Like I said earlier, this was a glorified house show but it was still good. There’s some decent wrestling and the matches made sense.

There’s a nice flow to it and a solid main event, so what more can you ask for? Considering how far away Australia is from America, this is a rare treat for the fans there and in front of this large of a crowd, this was a fine show. There’s really nothing worth going out of your way to see, but it’s not bad for a little under two hours.

 

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Rodman Down Under
Date: July 30, 2000
Location: Sydney SuperDome, Sydney, Australia
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince Mancini, Ted DiBiase

Why does Youtube have to torment me like this? This is a one off PPV from a tour of Australia that a bunch of old guys (and Dennis Rodman for no apparent reason) put together for a quick buck. The organization is called i-Generation Superstars of Wrestling for whatever reason they came up with. Let’s get to it.

The opening video shows Rodman jumping Hennig over and over, making him the heel for the main event. I’m as shocked as you are.

The production values aren’t bad at all as the show is well lit and there’s a pretty good crowd.

Ted and Vince run down the card and tell us the main event is an Australian Outback match, which likely means hardcore.

Here’s Hennig to open the show by talking. He talks about Rodman leaving the basketball court to come into the wrestling world where all Hennig has to do is show up. Hennig wants to fight Rodman RIGHT NOW but Rodman is still in street clothes. Dennis talks about how awesome he is and how he’s going to beat Hennig and can I get my money back for this nonsense? Hennig starts a Dennis Sucks chant but Rodman says they’re here to see him….and that’s it. This is already a waste of my time.

Public Enemy attacked the Road Warriors at a press conference. Good to know.

Tag Titles: Public Enemy vs. Road Warriors

Public Enemy is defending and this is a tables match for no reason whatsoever. Before anyone complains, yes I know Public Enemy does a lot of tables stuff, but there’s no story point to this being a tables match. There’s no story period but that’s to be expected. Public Enemy wants the fans to shut up during the match or Grunge will beat them all up. It’s going to be a night of cheap heat isn’t it? The Warriors’ stomachs are literally hanging over their tights in a sign of the times.

Rocco jumps Animal to start but the Warrior comes back with some lame clotheslines. Grunge comes in and is knocked to the floor seconds later as the announcers make fun of him for being out of shape. Hawk comes in to pound away and hits the flying shoulder to put Grunge down. These guys are really looking their age out there and it’s pretty sad to see. Back to Rocco who is slammed off the top and caught in a powerslam for two. Wait isn’t this a tables match?

Back to Animal vs. Grunge with Johnny clotheslining him out to the floor. Rock whips Animal into the barricade and hits him with the lethal bottle of water to the head. Public Enemy pounds him down in the corner but Rock misses a running crotch attack at the ropes. Grunge breaks up the hot tag attempt and Rocco goes up as this match is still in slow motion. Rocco jumps into a boot to the face and we finally get the hot tag to Hawk.

He takes both Enemies down with some lame neckbreakers before missing the top rope clothesline to a downed Grunge. Everything breaks down and Hawk is laid out on a table for the flip dive from Rocco….which doesn’t end the match. Rock is confused so he tries again on another table but drives himself through it instead. Animal hits a horrible shoulder to Grunge in the ring but Rock pops him with a chair. We get a table in the corner now and a spear/shoulder from Animal sends both Enemies through it for the titles.

Rating: D-. This is only above a failure because I love the LOD (Legion of Doom, meaning the Road Warriors for you young pups). It was sad to see these teams looking so old and out of shape but the rules made it even worse. They went back and forth between pins and tables with the table on the floor not counting. I’m assuming it’s because it wasn’t in the ring but the announcers nor the referee ever told us that.

Here are the I-Generettes to fill in time on an hour and forty five minute show.

Barbarian vs. Brute Force

Force is Brutus Beefcake and this is a hardcore match for no apparent reason. Brutus pulls Barbarian away from posing for a trashcan shot to start things off. Some broomstick choking has Barbarian down in the corner but a low blow stops Force’s force. Yeah I know that was bad but this show is dumbing me down and we’re not even half an hour into it. A headbutt low gets Barbarian yelled at for no reason but a trashcan to the head is fine. The announcers talk about a popcorn machine as Barbarian stomps him down in the corner. I could go for a hot snack to keep me awake too.

We head to the floor with Barbarian being rammed into the table and hit with the trashcan again. Barbarian fights from his back with trashcan lid shots but has to avoid a shot with the steps. Back in and Brutus is hit with a 2×4 and punched in the head a lot. Some choking with a chain does no good for Barbarian as Brutus comes back with an atomic drop and a low headbutt. A Stunner, a DDT and a piledriver get two each for Brutus but a single kick to the chest/ribs is good for the pin for Barbarian.

Rating: D-. This is a good example of the problem with gimmick matches: there’s no reason for this to be a hardcore match so it’s just two people hitting each other with trashcans for ten minutes. That doesn’t make for an interesting match but rather a boring waste of time until we get to a very stupid finish that made Barbarian of all people look tough instead of the hero.

More from the dancers.

Brandi Wine vs. Sweet Destiny

I’ve never heard of either chick and from what I can find they have about five career matches between the two of them. Wine has Fred Ottman (Tugboat) with him here under the name of Sugar Daddy for no apparent reason. Wouldn’t Sugar Daddy make more sense for the chick named Sweet? Instead Destiny has some boxer named Aussie Joe Martin as her second. Neither chick looks that good but Destiny is the face. She’s also the hips and stomach but I guess the dancers are all the skinny non-wrestlers the company could afford. Think a slightly chunkier Nidia.

Feeling out process to start which turns into a bad dance off. They seem to be avoiding contact due to a lack of talent. Destiny takes her down with a decent throw but is sent into the buckle very slowly. A catapult sends Destiny into the corner again as these girls are making the Bellas look like Trish and Lita. Brandi poses a lot and drags her down by the hair a few times. Bad choking ensues as this match just keeps going. A clothesline puts Destiny on the floor and Brandi rams her into the table a few times.

Wine poses a lot to further drag out the match time. How can a show have five matches and need to fill in this much on a card? A pinfall reversal sequence gets a few near falls each until Sugar Daddy trips up Destiny. Sugar Daddy and Aussie Joe (who is old and in a referee shirt for some reason) get in a fight with Joe dropping him with one right hand. Destiny gets two off a good German suplex but gets slammed off the top. Brandi goes up as well and gets superplexed down for the pin.

Rating: D. Somehow this was the match of the night so far. It wasn’t good in the slightest but they were trying and I’ve seen FAR worse female matches before. On the other hand, these girls looked lost out there at times, which makes you wonder why they got nearly fifteen minutes to work with. Nothing to see here at all, especially when you had Trish Stratus at the peak of her hotness in the WWF at this point.

Hey look: more dancing!

Australasian Title: One Man Gang vs. Tatanka

Yes seriously. Tatanka is defending and is the face, but wouldn’t you think he would be a heel for being so proud of being from another country? The Gang thanks the fans for their support but wants the women to wash their underwear before they throw them to him. Gang looks so old it’s unreal. He pounds away in the corner to start and gets two off a clothesline. Tatanka comes back with kicks and chops as this is somehow less interesting than the girls.

Gang is sent to the floor and complains about how bad he smells. He takes a walk up the aisle and after nearly a minute the fans fill the ring with trash. Back in and they trade wristlocks with Gang pounding down into the shoulder. Tatanka comes back with shots to Gang’s shoulder as well and a chop to the head for two. A nearly botched cross body gets two more for Tatanka but Gang hits one of his own for two. Tatanka works the leg for a bit as this is already going longer than it should.

Gang kicks him to the floor but gets caught in a sunset flip for two. The big man slowly drops knees as I go read Gone with the Wind to fill in the time. Off to a nerve hold until Gang drives some shoulders into Tatanka’s ribs. Gang misses a running charge in the corner but Tatanka charges into a boot in the corner. A big fat legdrop makes me wish I was watching a Yokozuna match but Tatanka avoids a second one. I’m assuming he does as the camera was on fans in NWO shirts.

Tatanka makes his comeback and a chop to the head gets two. He rams Gang’s head into the buckle but the referee is crushed off a whip. Gang is slammed off the top and chopped in the head but there’s no referee. The fat man loads up some brass knuckles and knocks out the Indian for the pin and the title after nearly TWENTY MINUTES.

Rating: F+. I’ll give Gang credit here: he was trying. He was playing to the crowd and actually moving a bit out there which is more than you can say for most of the wrestlers tonight. The match was WAY too long though and on a show already this bad there’s no reason for it to go this long. Did they only have twelve people for the show or something?

Remember those dancing girls who have done the same dance three times already? Well here’s a fourth edition.

We recap Rodman vs. Hennig with the same videos from earlier.

I-Generation World Title: Dennis Rodman vs. Curt Hennig

Hennig is defending and this is an Australian Outback match, which I think means street fight. Rodman jumps him to start and hits Hennig in the head with the belt. Curt is busted open so Rodman pounds away at the cut. We head to the floor with Hennig being rammed into the table. Curt finds a broomstick and pounds Rodman in the ribs before throwing him over the announce table. Rodman is rammed through the table and Hennig is ticked off.

Hennig pounds away on the floor before heading back inside for more stomping. This is already boring as Rodman can’t do anything but brawling so there isn’t much to see. Rodman hits him low and knocks Curt to the floor, only to have the champion come back with chops. Back in for more chopping but Rodman headbutts the referee for no apparent reason. They slug it out a bit more and Rodman throws the referee down for a DQ, making me wonder what an Australian Outback match is.

Rating: D-. Hennig looked good but there’s a reason Rodman is a basketball player: he doesn’t have much skill as a wrestler. This was yet another garbage brawl with nothing to see from Rodman. Curt could have had a good match with an actual wrestler, but that might be interesting so we can’t have that.

Rodman and Hennig keep brawling after the match but Brute Force (in a freaking zebra stripe suit) breaks it up.

Hennig is checked in the back and says it’s not over with Rodman.

A four minute highlight package and credits end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Well that was horrible but I can’t say it’s in Heroes of Wrestling territory. For one thing that show was nearly an hour longer and had some of the most embarrassing “wrestling” you’ll ever see. This was terrible stuff too but it wasn’t dragging the business down to never before seen lows. At the end of the day, this was only an hour and forty minutes with nearly twenty of that being spent on dancing or video packages. It’s terrible but it’s not the worst show of all time by a decent stretch.

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Global Warning
Date: August 10, 2002
Location: Colonial Stadium, Melbourne, Australia
Attendance: 56,734
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

So this is another one of those it’s really a house show but we’ll put it on DVD and give you a really big card and a PPV feeling shows. This is the only PPV from Australia that I can think of other than some all-star shows and the like. The main event is HHH vs. Rock vs. Lesnar as Summerslam where Brock became champion was like two weeks away. Other than that there isn’t much here, but this is one of those obscure shows I’ve needed to do so let’s get to it. Oh and it’s a Smackdown show.

Apparently there were three matches on the card that didn’t come on the home video: Mark Henry/Randy Orton vs. D-Von/Batista (yes they were a real team), Hardcore Holly/Chavo vs. Billy/Chuck and Kurt Angle vs. Test.

Stephanie, the GM of Smackdown, comes out first. Dang I forgot how hot she could be. The crowd is HUGE here and it looks great. Also the ramp is freaking huge as it takes her almost 30 seconds to get to the ring at regular speed. She actually does a decent job of hyping the crowd which is impressive.

Rikishi vs. Rico

This is a loses kisses up to the winner match. Ok then. Stephanie dances with Rikishi on the way to the ring. Could we just watch that for a few hours instead? It’s a regular match but the loser has to do the deed. Rico is still just the stylist here and isn’t the flamboyant character yet.

The fat man’s leg is taped up here for no explained reason. The crowd is great here. Maybe a minute and a half in Rikishi goes for the Rump Shaker but Rico gets out of the way. Rikishi was supposed to be this big deal on Smackdown but he never really was. Rico misses a moonsault (looked perfect by the way) and a Samoan Drop ends it.

This was VERY short, not even breaking 3 minutes. Rikishi gives him a Stink Face which counts as kissing I guess. Rikishi gets some kids into the ring and dances with them. That’s always cool.

Rating: N/A. This was too short to be anything but it did a great job of getting the crowd which was already hot even hotter which is what an opener is supposed to do. This did its job and I’ve always had a soft spot for Rico. The guy was on the roster for like 3 years and he always gave it his all despite having a horrible gimmick. That’s all you can ask for and I can always respect it.

We see a video of Nidia and Jamie Noble going surfing. There is really no point to this as it’s not funny or interesting or anything like that, but I guess the culture thing is ok. Jamie Noble wearing glasses is different.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Hurricane

Noble is champion and a heel here, despite us watching him talk about how beautiful scenery is in a total non-kayfabe interview. I don’t get that. What was the point if they’re not in character or anything like that? Hurricane goes for the chokeslam but it doesn’t work.

Nidia kisses him for no apparent reason other than to distract him. Cole and Taz talk about Australian Rules Football and Taz more or less could care less. That was kind of funny. Instead of a cover, Nidia kisses Noble. Sure why not? You can tell the announcers could care less about the censors or whatever as a lot of their jokes are sex related etc. I can’t imagine Vince is watching or anything like that so there we are.

I love that jumping neckbreaker that Helms does. Helms just goes insane with some cool offense and Noble is in trouble. Something a lot of you might not know is that Noble used to be the ROH World Champion and I think Punk beat him to win the title. There’s a different one.

Vertebreaker doesn’t connect but a Northern Lights from Noble gets two. Hurricane hits a swinging neckbreaker from the top which looked great. Nidia comes up on the apron and Noble wins with a backslide of all things. Hurricane hits a chokeslam on Noble after the match.

Rating: B-. This started really slow and then went WAY up very fast. They just let loose out there and it worked very well. This is what the cruiserweight division should have been about but it just never clicked. And then a leprechaun got the belt. Sure why not. Anyway, this was a great match after the first minute or two, but the predictable ending hurt it.

Christian and Lance Storm and some other guys go to the zoo. Angle gets called a bugger. Angle plays with a dog which is amusing. He talks about loving animals and wants to ride a giraffe. This is FAR better than the surfing thing as Angle is an interesting person and stays in character here for the most part. In other news, Christian tries to feed a kangaroo and Angle calls him Jay. His real name is Jason, so that’s WEIRD to head. He also says the words babyface and heel. What have I stumbled onto?

Tag Titles: Christian/Lance Storm vs. Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman

I’m pretty sure there were only one set of tag titles at this point. This is Raw vs. Smackdown actually with the champions, the Canadians, being from Raw. Kidman has some awesome music here. Yeah there is just one set of belts at this point. The Smackdown ones would be introduced about two and a half months after this in late October.

Rey is WAY over. We get a little history of Rey, including why he has a crown on his mask: Rey means King, hence his name meaning King of Mystery or Mystery King. Kidman and Storm start us off so I can’t complain. Taz talks about Christian’s history of tag team success and Cole comes from out of NOWHERE with some story about going to an oyster bar. Cole is being more annoying and random than usual here which is saying a lot.

Christian apparently wanted to come to the original ECW and Taz might have said no to him. Well that’s interesting. That came from commentary. I told you they’re being different here. Storm and Christian suck apparently. Storm hooks a modified crossface chickenwing.

I’ve always liked Storm’s work especially in ECW. Kidman gets the hot tag and takes over. There’s a belt in the ring along with all four guys. Christian takes a 619 and then Storm takes a SWEET double team assisted rana from Rey. Just a ton of crazy high spots here but Storm hits Kidman in the head with the title for the pin.

Rating: C+. Not bad here especially with the insane high spots near the end. This was what you would expect from a match like this on this kind of card though. No one expected a title change but that’s fine. It came off well and did what it was supposed to do so I can’t complain much there. This worked fine.

Kidman, Torrie and Edge go sight seeing. Torrie goes shopping. Kidman goes shopping. Edge goes shopping. This is riveting. And then they eat cake.

Chris Jericho vs. Edge

This works. Jericho is heel and Edge is face here I believe. Yeah that’s right. This is Raw vs. Smackdown also with Edge being on Smackdown. Edge was on the verge of a HUGE push here and had it not been for HHH and Shawn might have won the first Elimination Chamber.

The original plan had been for him to jump during the show and take someone’s spot to beat HHH for the title. HHH decided against it and thought Shawn should win the title. Dang that match ticked me off and that was before I knew about the Edge thing. MAN Edge is popular here. He was the hottest thing in the world at this point and is filming everything here. The fans think Jericho is a wanker.

Jericho gets on the mic and yells at the fans for being rude to him before the match which is always a nice touch. Jericho is tied up in the ropes so I have a good feeling about this match. Taz keeps complaining about being stuck in his hotel room eating panda salad. The commentary on this show really is good. Cole goes on a rant about the taxis being clean in Melbourne. You can tell there’s no Vince yelling in their ears as they’re far looser here and it’s very nice.

Tazz wants to know if Cole has ever tried a vertical suplex on himself in his hotel room. There goes the turnbuckle pad. Cole says he wants to be unbiased. Given the Danielson angle, that’s very funny. Edge gets ALL FIRED UP and Jericho is in trouble. He gets a sitout Gordbuster from the top for two. Sweet looking move there.

Edge spears the referee by mistake and it’s chair time. They go through their finishers and the second spear from Edge only gets two. Ah there’s your chair to Edge’s throat. The Lionsault hits but only gets two. Yeah I’m stunned too. We go WAY old school with a slingshot into the exposed buckle and an Edge-O-Matic for two.

This is very solid stuff here. Jericho goes for the Walls but gets rolled up for the pin. Nice ending but a bit sudden. Jericho throws a fit afterwards which is an old standard for him. Edge climbs up a light tower and soaks in the crowd, which is indeed huge.

Rating: B-. Seriously, did you expect this to not be good? It was missing a little something but that’s fine. This was a great use of about 12 minutes and it worked out fine. Edge continues to be just freaking awesome here as you would expect him to be. Edge was going to be a huge star and if he hadn’t hurt his neck there was no telling how big.

We see highlights from the Fan Frenzy event which is like Access but not as big. These are always cool. Stacy Keibler is too pretty if that’s possible.

Val Venis is here. He’s likely the referee for the Bra and Panties match. Ah make that ring announcer. Well he can talk so that’s all that matters here. He uses the standard going down line which his voice is perfect for.

Torrie Wilson vs. Stacy Keibler

as this isn’t very interesting. Torries ties it up. They do the spot with the referee where they roll onto him and there go HIS pants. And here’s Nidia for no apparent reason. Torrie “fight” them off and pulls Nidia’s shorts off. Torrie wins.

Rating: N/A. They made no secret here about what this was which is fine as it filled about 8 minutes or so.

We see highlights of a charity dinner for families with members that have cancer. There’s an auction too which is always cool. I’ll never make fun of charity stuff.

Undisputed Title: Brock Lesnar vs. The Rock vs. HHH

If I remember right, this is the last time HHH and the Rock were in the same ring. Hogan was supposed to be in this but bailed at the last minute. Last night at the charity dinner there were large paintings auctioned off and the third was of Hogan, not Lesnar. Brock was about two weeks from winning the world title, so the outcome here is pretty clear.

HHH is a heel here, having beaten up Shawn recently. No mention is made of Summerslam, which is odd. HHH vs. Lesnar is one heck of a staredown. That was supposed to be the main event of Mania 21 but Lesnar left. We got HHH vs. Batista instead so I can live with that I guess.

This doesn’t make sense: HHH had been revealed as the guy that put Shawn through the window, and he’s definitely over as a face here. Was Australian TV behind, as that happened about two weeks prior to this. That’s very odd. Ok Hogan was supposed to be in this but Brock hurt him, hence his absence. Ok then, at least that makes sense.

Wow it’s weird seeing Rock and HHH working together even for a few seconds. Pretty much they’re just competing to get in the last strike here which is kind of boring. HHH and Brock work together and Norcal smiles. Dang Brock can throw a freaking clothesline. Brock and Rock botch something and we hit the floor. Heyman jumps Rock and even Taz wants Heyman beaten down.

The two lighter skinned guys go at it in the ring with Brock dominating. Brock sets Rock for the F5 and for no apparent reason HHH interrupts it and goes for the Pedigree. So instead of letting Brock both use energy and take Rock out, HHH decides to do it himself. And remember: he’s BRILLIANT. HHH is busted open and Brock gets the bear hug. Rock takes a Pedigree but Brock makes the save. HHH takes an F5 for I think the only time ever.

Brock kicks out of the Elbow as this is pretty good. I love how Rock takes the F5. HHH of course makes the save. Notice right there that Brock kicked out of the Elbow but Rock had to be saved. Subtle but important. Then he kicks out of the PEDIGREE. Sweet GOODNESS he was pushed hard. HHH argues with the referee and walks into the Rock Bottom for Rock to retain. We’re off the air maybe 10 seconds after that, but the pin happened so it’s all good.

Rating: B-. This was fine for what it was. There was no way Rock would lose here, but they gave him an actual threat and that’s all they really needed to do I think. For the main event of a glorified house show, this came off great. Brock looked like a freaking MONSTER which was the point and Rock retains. HHH was a great placeholder, although there was zero mention of Shawn which was just odd. Still though, decent match and fine for the main event.

Overall Rating: B. This is on an adjusted scale since this wasn’t put on American TV until 24/7 came into existence so it’s not like it was supposed to be a huge show. Like I said earlier, this was a glorified house show but it was still good. There’s some decent wrestling and the matches made sense.

There’s a nice flow to it and a solid main event, so what more can you ask for? Considering how far away Australia is from America, this is a rare treat for the fans there and in front of this large of a crowd, this was a fine show. There’s really nothing worth going out of your way to see, but it’s not bad for a little under two hours.