Impact Wrestling – September 16, 2015: Go Home And Take TNA With You
Impact Wrestling Date: September 16, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
It’s the final night of the invasion as we’ll be having Lethal Lockdown between TNA and GFW for total control of the company. This is likely going to be a one match show for the most part as nothing else of note has been announced. There’s also the chance that someone could turn on their company. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the invasion leading up to tonight’s showdown inside the cage.
Jeremy Borash is in the ring for the contract signing between Dixie Carter and Jeff Jarrett. Yes they’re really saving this for the same show as the blowoff match. Since this is TNA, shouldn’t the signing be delayed? Dixie talks about how Jeff is still causing all this trouble because of how he left the company years ago.
It was Jeff’s action that led him out of TNA and Dixie was hoping that they could work together again. That didn’t happen though and it’s all in the past. Dixie is here to fight for this company going forward and it’s going forward without Jarrett. Jeff says this is a moment in history, but it’s summed up by one man: Eric Young.
Eric is a TNA original who hates Jeff’s guts and is under contract to Dixie, but he’s siding with Global Force Wrestling. What more proof does Dixie need than that? Tonight Jeff is going to take over his second wrestling company and Dixie will be out in the cold where she belongs. The papers are sealed in a briefcase but Jeff punches Jeremy Borash when he tries to take it. Dixie can hang onto it for now because the Jarrett’s will pick it up later.
Jeff Hardy drives Ethan Carter III and Tyrus to the arena. He’s sent to the back for his assignment for the night. Carter will be there when he’s watched ten to twelve cat videos on his phone.
We’re actually getting a series of videos throughout the night on the history between Dixie Carter and Jeff Jarrett. Someone, please, hit me in the head with something very very hard. I don’t think I can take this all night.
We get a quick recap of Mahabali Sheera vs. the Revolution.
Abyss vs. Mahabali Sheera
Sheera is now a dancer and dances with a guy in a Bigfoot costume at ringside. Abyss isn’t interested in dancing and attacks from behind. They’re quickly on the floor to start with Sheera ramming him into the steps, only to eat a splash back inside. We hit the neck crank for a bit before Sheera fights up, only to eat a chokeslam. The swing from Janice misses though and Sheera chokeslams him for two. Cue Storm with a chair but he hits Abyss with the cowbell by mistake. A quick Sky High (more like treetop high) gives Sheera the pin at 5:06.
Rating: D. So after spending all these weeks treating Sheera like he’s supposed to be a big deal, he’s a dancer. That’s the big idea they came up with after all this time? The guy has a look and some international appeal and he’s a dancer. Well done on giving him the definition of the dead on arrival gimmick guys. Abyss was his normal self here, which is fine for a first win for Sheera, but I can’t take him seriously with this dancing nonsense.
We IMMEDIATELY cut away to Ethan and Tyrus in the back. The champ promises a party tonight.
Here are Ethan and Tyrus to introduce Jeff Hardy, who is wearing a black suit covered with Ethan Carter faces. After Ethan cracks jokes, Jeff is forced to tell the fans to stop cheering for him. The fans don’t comply but Carter gives Jeff credit for trying. This brings out Rockstar Spud, who says this looks too familiar. When he came to this company, he did everything Ethan told him to do so he could get his foot in the door. This however is JEFF FREAKING HARDY, a man that makes the crowds go crazy. Ethan decks Spud and the three of them leave. Spud comes after Ethan but Tyrus lays him out. Jeff is forced to hit Spud.
More Dixie vs. Jeff history, including Jeff becoming the new TNA boss a few months back.
Jeff Jarrett tries to recruit Drew Galloway to GFW. TNA is a man down, so why should Drew stick around?
Earl Hebner is going into the TNA Hall of Fame.
Knockouts Title: Brooke vs. Lei’D Tapa vs. Awesome Kong vs. Gail Kim
Brooke is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Gail and Brooke go after the giants to start and are quickly thrown to the side. Tapa and Kong slug it out until Brooke and Gail beat on Tapa for a bit. Kong adds a splash and we take an early break. Back with Tapa dropping Gail face first off the barricade but Kong dives off the apron to crush Tapa with a cross body.
Gail and Brooke fight in the ring until Kong misses a charge at Tapa and takes out the champ. Tapa slams Gail down inside but Kim kicks away at the knee. Kong comes back in with a top rope splash to Tapa. Brooke’s top rope elbow hits Kong and all four are down. The giants are sent to the floor, leaving Brooke to try a sunset flip on Gail, who sits down on it for the pin and the title at 12:21.
Rating: C-. Who else? Who else could it have been but Gail Kim? She fits in so perfectly with the theme of the same tired ideas that we’ve seen dozens of times in TNA as they seem to be on their last legs (the most recent time that is), so why not just put the belt on her again so she can bore the fans to sleep one last time.
Drew gives Team TNA one more pep talk.
Ethan blames Hardy for having a World Title match next week. Jeff better help him retain the title or else.
One last Dixie vs. Jeff video, this time on Jarrett’s betrayal.
Team TNA vs. Team GFW
TNA: Lashley, Eddie Edwards, Davey Richards, Drew Galloway, ???
GFW: Sonjay Dutt, Chris Mordetzky, Jeff Jarrett, Eric Young, Brian Myers
It’s Lethal Lockdown, meaning WarGames. The first two will fight for three minutes until Team GFW sends in its second man for a two minute advantage. The teams alternate until all ten are in, which is when the roof, covered in weapons, lowers. First pin or submission after everyone has entered wins.
Sonjay sends Davey into the cage to start but Richards slugs away. That’s fine with Dutt who bites Davey’s hand and kicks him in the chest to take over. Davey kicks him in the ribs and tries a Texas Cloverleaf, but here’s Eric Young to give GFW the advantage. The slow beating continues until Drew Galloway is in to tie it up. Josh already gets his history wrong by saying Drew is the one that figured out Karen Jarrett was behind the attacks (Drew accused Jeff and Karen confessed).
Back from a break with Brian Myers in for GFW and the invaders in control. Lashley evens things up and this is really not the most even match. A bunch of spears clean house and TNA just waits around for Chris Mordetzky to make it 4-3. They all punch and kick each other until Eddie Edwards evens things up again. TNA takes over again because GFW is Eric Young and a bunch of career jobbers. Jeff Jarrett completes Team GFW and it’s time for a lot more punching. After two more minutes of nothing, Bram comes in as the tenth man.
The weapons are lowered and we take a break. Back with nothing having changed and everyone going for the weapons. The GFW guys take over for a bit until Lashley cleans house. Jarrett tries to escape but gets destroyed by every member of Team TNA until the GFW guys make the save with weapons. TNA shrugs it off like it’s nothing again, capped off by Galloway giving Myers a Future Shock on a trashcan for the pin at 31:30.
Rating: D-. This was one of the most boring, uninteresting, lamest gimmick matches I’ve seen in years. The GFW guys were a bunch of jobbers who couldn’t keep control even when they had a man advantage, mainly because they’re Eric Young, a mostly retired Jeff Jarrett, and three guys who have never won anything significant. That’s the big invading GFW force and we spent a fourth of the show kicking and punching before some lame weapons spots and a DDT end the thing. No high spots, next to no drama, no surprises, and TNA gets to beat a bunch of guys beneath them. Horrible match and nothing I ever want to think about again.
The Jarrett’s are carried out and Dixie comes to the ring for the big hero celebration to end the show.
Overall Rating: F. The best match was an average at best four way with an uninteresting ending. If this is supposed to be their big story that makes me want to care about TNA for months to come, they’re even dumber than I thought. This invasion is making me pine for the days of the Alliance as at least you got some good action in there on occasion. I was begging for this show to end and that’s never a good sign. Horrible show with one of the lamest major matches I’ve seen in years.
Results
Mahabali Sheera b. Abyss – Sky High
Gail Kim b. Brooke, Lei’D Tapa and Awesome Kong – Rollup to Brooke
Team TNA b. Team GFW – Future Shock to Myers
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
TNA One Night Only – Knockouts Knockdown III: One Of The Worst Shows I’ve Ever Seen
Knockouts Knockdown III Date: July 1, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,100
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Rockstar Spud
I’m finally getting back to these things after a few months away. Not because they didn’t air them or anything but because they’re hard to find. Can you blame people for not wanting to put them up though? It’s another series of qualifying matches for a big gauntlet match to end the show because that’s all these things know how to do. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is standard stuff that you would expect here. I’m thinking the “standard” part is going to be a recurring theme here.
Christy Hemme and Jeremy Borash are in the ring to open the show and explain the concept. This brings out the BroMans to judge the women who will be challenging the Knockouts because they need to fill in time. Jesse is dating Angelina Love and Robbie has dumped Brooke and gotten Velvet Sky fired. He’s single and ready to mingle. The crowd on the other hand sounds like they’re ready to go to a funeral.
After ejecting Christy and JB, Robbie brings out the aspiring Knockouts, lead by Mia Yim (Jade), making this even more dated than it already was. Jesse is handling the interviewing, starting with Mia, whose dream for tonight involves Jesse himself. She thinks of slapping him off the top two years ago, but Jesse says it didn’t count because his mom didn’t see it. Next up is Alisha from Boston, who keeps correcting Jesse that it’s Alisha, not Alicia. She’s better known as Alexxis Neveah and isn’t interested in going home with either BroMan tonight (probably because she’s married to Eddie Edwards).
Su Yung is from Seattle and is asked for her drink of choice. From Starbucks, you start with shots of vanilla and carmel, plus fat free, low calorie soy milk. Much like the other two, Robbie isn’t interested in taking a picture with her due to her taste in milk. Next up is someone Robbie has a crush on: Thea Trinidad, formerly known as Rosita. Robbie bends over to pick up his selfie stick but Thea thinks it’s disgusting. No picture, but then again you’re not aspiring when you’re a former champion in the company.
Solo Darling and her furry ears implies that Jesse and Robbie are a couple and thinks adorable is a number. Laura Dennis (Cherry Bomb) lives by the code of sex, weights and protein shakes, which is finally enough to get a picture with the team. Finally we have Mary Kate from Tampa says she didn’t come here to play games with these buffoons, but she kisses Robbie for a potential advantage in her match. Robbie: “I LIKE HER!!! I WANT TO MARRY HER!!!” DJZ announces the matches for tonight but I’ll leave those for a surprise. Each of the opponents comes out to drag this even further.
This segment ran twenty five minutes, out of a show that runs less than two hours and forty five minutes.
Clips of Gail Kim winning the first competition in 2013.
Clips of Madison Rayne winning the competition last year.
Madison asks Christy Hemme about her family but cuts her off because Madison doesn’t care. She promises to win tonight and get her crown back.
Madison Rayne vs. Alisha
Before the match, Madison tells Earl Hebner to hang on a second. Madison asks Alisha what her name is but doesn’t care to hear it. The crown belong to her so Alisha doesn’t even need to look that way. The opening bell rings over thirty two minutes into the show. A quick rollup gets two on Madison and Alisha sends her into the corner, prompting a demand for a timeout. Alisha hammers away as the commentators have set a record by staying on topic for the first two minutes of a match.
Rayne gets sent outside for a breather before getting two off a rollup of her own. This isn’t the most thrilling stuff in the world so far. Madison slams Alisha’s face into the mat in her signature way before they hit cross bodies at the same time. Madison takes over again with a kick to the head but stops to yell at Hebner, allowing Alisha to get two more off a rollup. Back up and Madison grabs a rollup (and trunks) for the pin to advance to the gauntlet main event.
Rating: D. Oh man this is going to be a long night. Madison is great as the evil stuck up character but I have a bad feeling we’re going to have a bunch of clones fighting the Knockouts. That doesn’t make things interesting because it makes the rest of the card feel like a waste of the time before we find out which Knockout is chosen to win tonight.
Thea Trinidad says she’s been in TNA before (thank goodness) and she’s here tonight get some revenge on Angelina Love for past issues. She talks about the Hardys and Tommy Dreamer mentoring her and this again feels like filling in time.
Angelina Love, with boyfriend Jesse Godderz, says she’s awesome and will be the Queen of the Knockouts tonight. Rebel and Crazzy Steve come up and honk a horn. Did I mention this was taped a long time ago?
Angelina Love vs. Thea Trinidad
Feeling out process to start until Trinidad gets two off a suplex. Love sends her into the middle rope for some choking, followed by some backbreakers for two. A quickly broken chinlock is countered into a small package to give Thea two. Love comes right back with a Hennig necksnap and it’s off to a full nelson with the legs. Back up and Thea kicks her in the face for two, Matrixes away from a kick, and totally botches a bulldog.
After copying three of Trish Stratus’ signature moves (minus the springboard on the bulldog), Thea connects with a moonsault but Jesse gets on the apron for a distraction. Cue Crazzy Steve to pull him off though, allowing Thea to knock Angelina off the apron and out onto Godderz. Apparently that one crash is enough for the countout to advance Trinidad.
Rating: D. So we had to sit through seven and a half minutes to get to part of the Menagerie causing a countout because Love can get knocked down for ten seconds off what was basically a high cross body. Unfortunately I’d assume we’re using this to set up a tag match later in the show because they have no idea how to fill in two and a half hours on a Knockouts show.
Post match Robbie and DJZ come in to help with the beatdown so here’s Knux for the save to set up the six person tag for later. Oh and it’s elimination rules to make it even longer.
Gail Kim, who is pro women’s wrestling, says this is her favorite show of the year. She wants the crown.
Gail Kim vs. Laura Dennis
Before the match, Gail brings up Laura answering an open challenge back in 2013. Gail offers a handshake but Laura pulls her into for a cheap shot to take over early. That’s more personality than the other two have shown so far. Gail avoids a charge in the corner though and sends her face first into the buckle, setting up the figure four around the post. Well she is Canadian after all.
Dennis crawls up the ramp so Gail can’t dive on her. Back in and Laura gets in a knee to the ribs to take over again before busting out some Cattle Mutilation. Gail rolls out of that and ties up the arm while bending Laura’s leg over her shoulder to make it kind of a half crab. The hold looks too awesome to keep it on very long so Gail hits a Stinger Splash and the running cross body to the ribs for two. Eat Defeat puts Dennis away.
Rating: C-. I have a feeling this isn’t getting topped tonight. As you might expect, the most talented in ring Knockout there is and the one who has been wrestling for ten years had a good match. Dennis was solid enough out there, but like I’ve said too often tonight, I can’t get much out of them in a seven minute match and a quick promo.
Quick Knockouts music video. Nice job on showing Taryn in her Dollhouse gimmick after showing her as the old version in the arena.
Havok wants to fight Amazing Kong. Yes Amazing.
Solo Darling vs. Havok
Darling has furry ears and a long tail. Heaven help me she’s wrestling with the tail on. Havok throws her around to start and it’s time to talk about Spud’s pajamas. Solo’s right hands to the stomach have no effect so Havok puts on a weak full nelson. A backbreaker sets up some choking in the corner, followed by some hard running kicks to the jaw. Solo avoids another kick and comes back with some of the lamest shots to the ribs that I’ve ever seen. Havok’s powerbomb is countered with a hurricanrana but a chokeslam ends Darling in a hurry.
Rating: D. Just a squash here but Darling’s offense looked pathetic. To be fair though this was back when Havok was interesting (and employed) so it was cool to see her built up as someone who could fight Kong in a big showdown. Ignore the fact that the showdown wound up being lame of course. Finally, what was up with the tail? I mean…..actually no. I don’t want to know.
Post match Kong’s music sounds like it’s starting but Havok says they’ll fight tonight.
And now, since filling in two hours and forty minutes when you have music videos, interviews and a twenty five minute promo, here’s a fifteen minute match from Impact on November 19, 2014.
Knockouts Title: Havok vs. Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell
Havok is defending and this is one fall to a finish. The challengers go right at Havok but get dropped with a double clothesline. Havok throws Gail onto Taryn and then sends her shoulder first into the post. A spinebuster plants Taryn but Gail tries AJ Lee’s Black Widow on the champ. Havok is in trouble and Taryn adds an Indian Deathlock for good measure. Somehow Havok powers out of it and they all fight to the floor with Havok catching Terrell, only to have Gail dive on both of them as we take a break.
Back with Havok still on the floor and Taryn rolling Gail up for two. A running flip neckbreaker puts Gail down again but Havok pulls Taryn from the ring and drops her throat first across the barricade. Gail heads outside also but gets spinebustered onto the floor. Back in and Havok splashes both girls for two but Gail is up first and drapes Havok across the top rope.
A kind of Fameasser from the top puts Havok on the floor but Taryn jumps Gail from behind. Terrell takes her to the top but Havok comes back in to make it a Tower of Doom. The champ stacks them up again but misses a middle rope splash. Taryn and Gail break out of a double chokeslam attempt and hammer away until Gail scores with a DDT. A cross body gets two each before Eat Defeat and an RKO get two for Terrell. Gail rolls up Taryn but gets caught in a sunset flip to give Terrell the title at 14:32.
Rating: B-. This was the best Knockouts match in awhile but it doesn’t mean what TNA wants it to be. First of all, as mentioned, Havok has won something like five matches in TNA over the course of six weeks with one of those being a battle royal. That’s hardly taking the title off Roode after seven months. Also, Terrell pinned Gail, which likely sets up a showdown later. It’s a good match but nowhere near the moment they were hoping for.
Taryn says she wants the crown. These promos have been the exact same thing every time.
Su Yung vs. Taryn Terrell
Yung dances to the ring and freaks out that she’s actually getting to face Terrell. So she’s Bayley’s original character. Feeling out process to start with Taryn grabbing a headlock followed by a shoulder block. Taryn slams her down a few times so Yung shakes her hand in thanks. A monkey flip sends Su down as this is one sided so far. Yung gets in some of her first offense by putting Taryn in the Tree of Woe for some running dropkicks to the ribs. That’s about it for Su though as she gets slammed off the top, followed by a missile dropkick and high cross body for two. The Hot Mess (RKO) sends Taryn to the gauntlet.
Rating: D+. It’s hard to argue with find fault when I have to look at Taryn Terrell for a few minutes. Young had more charisma than any jobber not named Cherry Bomb yet and that made the match a lot easier to sit through. However, it’s still a pretty lame match as we’re merely killing time before the gauntlet match.
Speaking of killing time, here’s a history of the Knockouts Title video.
Brooke makes fun of Robbie E. and says she wants the crown.
Brooke vs. Mia Yim
First bad sign here: the announcers call Mia by her new name of Jade, even though no one had called her that on this show. That’s the extent of talk about Mia though, as they switch over to talking about Brooke’s figure. A fall away slam sends Brooke flying to start and Mia gives her a quick Stink Face. Oh yeah we have a theme here.
Mia channels her inner Kevin Owens by telling the crowd to get ready before slapping on a regular chinlock. Brooke avoids a running book in the corner but stops to shake her hips, giving the announcers a new reason to talk about her. After a quickly broken surfboard, Mia misses a Cannonball in the corner, allowing Brooke to come off the top with a mostly missing hurricanrana. Another Stink Face sets up the Tesshocker to give us another full time Knockout in the gauntlet.
Rating: D. Comedy match without the comedy here as the main roster Knockouts’ dominance is getting really old by now. As has been the case with everything else on this show, the squash matches have felt like a way to kill time because they have nothing else to do. Mia is talented but there’s nothing she can do in a five minute comedy match.
Video on Awesome Kong (not Amazing Havok) being dominant.
Awesome Kong vs. Mary Kate
You might remember Mary Kate as Rosie Lottalove, though she’s since lost well over 120lbs and looks far better. Before the match, Mary talks about talking out Knockouts in her first run (meaning she was so big and horrible in the ring that she injured Daffney) but now she’s here to dominate. It makes sense as everyone else seems to be here to do exactly that.
They test out power to start with Mary forearming Kong in the back. We get a test of strength and Kong takes over almost instantly. They slug it out with Mary actually getting in some shots and putting Kong down with a dropkick. Kong shrugs it all off though and takes Mary’s head off with a spinning backfist, followed by a chokeslam for the pin.
Rating: D+. I’m rating this higher because of the remarkable weight loss for Mary and that spinning backfist, which knocked Mary’s head off. They’re not really hiding the fact that Kong is the one to beat in the gauntlet match so why bother pretending that they’re going with anything else?
Havok and Kong stare each other down in the aisle.
We recap the six person elimination tag being set up earlier tonight.
Menagerie vs. Angelina Love/BroMans
It’s Crazzy Steve/Knux/Rebel for the carnival freaks. Robbie starts with a war/rain dance, followed by a cartwheel. Knux does the same and it’s time for a comedy match to fill in time. Steve gets slammed onto Robbie for two so it’s off to Jesse, who can’t figure out Steve either. Remember a few months ago with Robbie was scared of clowns? Don’t worry because TNA doesn’t either.
Off to the girls (you know, the point of the show) with Angelina scoring with a running knee lift. Rebel fights back with kick to the ribs and a delayed slam, followed by the splits legdrop for the elimination. Jesse runs in to roll Rebel up to tie up a second later, meaning we’re now stuck with the men fighting on the Knockouts show. The good guys take over with Knux slamming Steve on Jesse for two more but some BroMans’ double teaming takes over again.
Robbie’s sleeper slows Knux down but he’s still able to counter a cross body into a powerslam. Steve comes in to clean house, causing Spud to call the clown a crazy fool. Jesse grabs a quick rollup to eliminate Steve, which JB says makes it 3-1. Knux gets rid of Jesse with a cross body (yes a cross body) before a Sister Abigail puts Robbie away.
Rating: D-. I don’t think the men having most of the action in a match on the women’s show really requires that much of an explanation. Rebel continues to be there because of how good she looks in trunks and that’s about it. Love is out of things to do in TNA and there’s no real reason for her to stick around. Granted the same thing is true of the Menagerie, who I actually liked.
In case you haven’t had one in too long, here’s a video of how the Knockouts got to the gauntlet. You know, all but one of the main roster set, with the one aspiring Knockout being a former title holder in TNA.
Gauntlet Match
Royal Rumble style until it’s down to the final two when it’s pin/submission. Thea Trinidad is in at #1 and Gail Kim is in at #2. They trade what would have been rollups had there been covers to start until Gail takes over with a neckbreaker. Madison Rayne is in at #3 after what seemed to be a two minute interval. Some clotheslines put Gail and Thea down to start before choking in the corner kills even more time.
After almost nothing interesting in two minutes, Havok is in at #4. They’re barely doing anything here and it’s borderline depressing. Thea kicks away at Havok but gets dumped as Taryn Terrell is in at #5. Taryn starts cleaning house until they pair off to get this back to dull. Havok rams Gail and Madison together and it’s Brooke in at #6, with Spud wanting us to sing her song. Madison gets eliminated and Gail gets a Stink Face from Brooke. You can ink (not pencil) in Havok vs. Kong as the final from here.
Kong comes in at #7 and if you can’t keep track of who is still in there at this point, you’re beyond my help. Brooke is thrown out almost immediately and Taryn follows her a few seconds later. Gail tries a high cross body to both monsters and gets dumped out with ease. Now it’s one on one with pins or submissions for the win. They trade big shots and Kong scores with a cross body before sitting on Havok’s chest for two. Havok’s choke takedown (you have to go into the air for a slam) gets two and Kong’s chokeslam gets the same. A second chokeslam gives Kong the crown.
Rating: F. We waited two hours for a boring fifteen minute main event with the most obvious winner in the history of obvious winners. The fact that this might have been their best idea is disturbing and makes these shows even more worthless than the seemed to be in the past. I didn’t think that was possible but as usual, TNA manages to get worse than anyone thought they ever could.
Kong won’t wear the crown and beats up the referee to end the show.
Overall Rating: L. As in a loss, both for and by the Knockouts. This was one of the worst shows that I’ve ever seen, bar none. They completely failed at any of the objectives they were attempting to achieve and made the division look like the least interesting thing in the history of their promotion. On top of that, it was clear that they didn’t even have time to fill in an hour and a half, let alone two hours and forty minutes.
Let’s look at the things they used to fill time here: multiple music videos, a TWENTY FIVE MINUTE OPENING SEGMENT, a fifteen minute match from the previous year (plus an extra three minutes for entrances), a bunch of worthless interviews and recap videos. This show felt like it was nearly half recap/filler and above all else, the BroMans got WAY more time than any of the women with a twenty five minute segment and a ten minute match. Well nearly ten minutes (9:50), or the longest new match on the show by two minutes.
This thing was a disaster and made the entire division look boring and horribly uninteresting. They would have been far better off airing a Best Of show instead because these things aren’t working. It was mainly the same women fighting that we’ve seen for years in some of the worst matches I can remember. Instead of adding time to the matches, the aired an old match and had a long, unfunny comedy segment. I would LOVE to hear someone from TNA defend this mess because I’m convinced it can’t be done.
I know TNA had a bad reputation on a lot of things and some of it is unfair, but then you have something like this and how in the world can you argue for them? How? This is their bright idea for the month and something they think is worthy of airing. Instead of ANOTHER gauntlet/tournament, why not just have the girls go out there and have some long twenty minute matches? TNA loves to brag about how awesome the Knockouts are and this is what they give us. This was unacceptable and easily one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – July 1, 2015: They’re In Trouble. Trouble. Trouble.
Impact Wrestling Date: July 1, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
This is a big special show called Bell to Bell, headlined by Ethan Carter III challenging Kurt Angle for the World Title. We’re also coming off a pretty lackluster Slammiversary with the main story being Jeff Jarrett winning King of the Mountain and taking the newly created title to Global Force Wrestling. We also have a thirty minute Iron Man match for the Tag Team Titles so this is a packed show. Let’s get to it.
The opening video looks at Angle’s TNA career but tonight he’s up against someone who has never lost. It’s a simple video but it hits every point it needed to touch.
The Rising vs. Beat Down Clan
The losing team must disband, thank goodness. It’s also a 4-3 elimination match with Hernandez/MVP/Kenny King/Low Ki vs. Drew Galloway/Mica/Eli Drake. MVP and Drew get things going with Galloway kicking him in the face and hammering away in the corner. Low Ki comes in and loses some skin off Galloway’s chops. It’s off to King vs. Mica with the former taking Mica down with ease for a bunch of right hands to the head. That’s more aggression than you usually see from him.
The BDC starts taking over but Hernandez isn’t pleased that he didn’t get a tag. Ki gets a nice running start into the corner and kicks Mica in the head for the elimination. Back with Ki suplexing Galloway for two as this is very one sided so far. Drew quickly rolls over to the corner for the hot tag to Drake for some house cleaning, including a dive to take MVP down on the floor. Drake comes up favoring his knee though and it’s time for the trainers. That’s officially an elimination so it’s Galloway vs. the entire BDC.
Hernandez gets things going for his team as the Pope talks about pork chops. They chop it out in the corner (dang maybe Pope is on to something) but it’s quickly off to Ki, who accidentally kicks King in the head, allowing Drew to roll up Low Ki for the elimination, followed by a quick cover on King to get it down to 2-1. See, now that’s logical thinking and doesn’t make the whole match seem fake.
Drew gives Ki a shoulder breaker onto the steps, likely to write Ki off the show, only to walk into a Border Toss. MVP’s Playmaker (or whatever he’s calling that stupid move these days) drops Galloway again but he tells MVP to bring it, earning him a Drive By to the head for the pin at 16:45.
Rating: C. Well, at least it’s finally done. The Rising was one of the most worthless stables I’ve ever seen as they just had no reason to exist. The BDC is nothing special either but at least they seem to have a purpose. Galloway was clearly several steps ahead of his partners so getting rid of Drake and Mica is a good thing for him.
Post break, MVP is told that Low Ki is heading to the hospital for his shoulder. Oh yeah that’s his way off TV.
Here’s Magnus with something to say. He doesn’t think much of James Storm and doesn’t care that Storm’s parents didn’t give him enough hugs and kisses. That’s an image I didn’t expect to think of today. Storm played some mind games but what he forgot was the power of a man when his family is threatened. Magnus brings out Mickie James, who is totally fine after that near death thing. Mickie thanks Magnus for always being there for him because he’s the man for her.
Cue Storm and Khoya, with the Cowboy saying he’s here to talk to Mickie. He thinks Mickie should be be thanking him for not pushing her a little bit harder. Storm didn’t want her in the Revolution, but rather to prove how easy it is to manipulate a woman. He could have any woman he wanted but Mickie doesn’t seem to take too kindly to this line of thinking.
Mickie would love to take the bet that Storm can’t find one woman to be on his side, because she and Magnus will fight the two of them anytime. This was a pretty awkward exchange but at least it gets Mickie back in the ring and maybe some fresh blood in the Knockouts division. One other thing: it’s always amusing to hear the commentary reference a match happening but not being able to say who actually won.
Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. Dirty Heels
The belts are vacant coming in and this is a thirty minute Iron Man match for the fifth match in a best of five series. I’m so glad this is it for these teams as I’m long past over caring about watching them fight. Oddly enough they say that Aries won but couldn’t say who won between Storm and Magnus.
Davey and Aries fight into the corner to start before it’s off to the partners with the Wolves taking over on Roode’s arm. Back to Aries who takes Eddie down as they’re clearly taking their time to start. An elbow to the back gets two on Eddie but he easily drives Aries into the corner for the tag. Things speed up a bit with some Wolves double teaming before Eddie suplexes Austin for no cover. Instead it’s off to Davey vs. Roode with Richards putting on a kind of reverse Figure Four.
Ever the smart heel, Aries pushes the bottom rope towards his partner for the save. The Heels (stupid meta name) take over in the corner and start working on Eddie’s leg to really slow things down. We hit the ten minute mark as the leg work continues. The Heels make a wish on Eddie’s legs but he finally snaps off a hurricanrana to make the tag off to Richards. Davey takes over and everything breaks down with Bobby getting tied up in the Tree of Woe, setting up a swan dive into the corner (cool spot) for two.
We take a break and come back with just under twelve minutes to go and no score. Richards is in trouble and Aries’ top rope ax handle to the floor makes it even worse. Edwards breaks up a cover with ten minutes to go. Davey breaks up a catapult into a forearm and stomps Roode down, finally allowing the tag off to Eddie. Edwards kicks Roode off the top and hits a backpack Stunner for a very close two. A jackknife cover gets another near fall on Roode and Eddie is stunned.
Now the catapult works with Aries adding a slingshot elbow drop for two of his own. The Last Chancery nearly gets a submission but Davey makes the save. It’s not like that move EVER WORKS ANYWAY so I didn’t get the drama. The double top rope double stomp gets a VERY close two on Aries and we hit five minutes to go. Roode plants Edwards with a spinebuster and Aries nails the 450 for the first fall with four minutes left.
The Heels get smart by throwing the Wolves to the floor to kill some time and Aries keeps up the intelligence with a suicide dive to take them both out. Eddie starts fighting back at the two minute mark and the powerbomb/Backstabber combo ties things up with about seventy five seconds left. Roode sneaks in with a belt shot to the head for two but Eddie counters the Roode Bomb into a rollup for the pin. The last ten seconds quickly run out and the Wolves get the titles back at 30:00.
Rating: B+. I’m really not wild on the feud as a whole but the last two matches were far more entertaining than the first three. This match was a really good example of a match taking its time and the wrestlers thinking instead of just throwing everything in at the same time. Really well done match here and I never once questioned the Wolves’ ability to get two straight falls near the end. That’s a very good sign and the match worked really well.
Knockouts Title: Awesome Kong vs. Brooke vs. Taryn Terrell
Taryn is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Brooke and Taryn get in a brawl to start as Kong stomps around the ring. The champ gets double teamed with Kong hitting a corner splash, sending Taryn running to the floor for a breather. Simple heel strategy at least. It’s fine with Kong who chinlocks Brooke down and then swings her around by the throat. Taryn comes back in with a dropkick to Kong but she turns around and eats a dropkick from Brooke.
There’s a chokeslam from Kong on the champ but the Dollhouse pulls her to the floor for a quick beating. Brooke hits a pretty lame spear on Taryn as Josh wants the Dollhouse gone forever. Yes because the last thing we need are three good looking women on the show. Jade hits a quick Stunner over the top rope to daze Kong, setting up the Taryn Cutter for the pin at 4:44.
Rating: D. This felt like something out of the Divas division, as the match was more about the heel champion escaping than anything about the match itself. It’s not the worst I’ve ever seen, but the Knockouts work better when there’s a bit more time for them to work with. Taryn retaining is good though because whoever takes it from her is going to look like a giant killer.
Post match the PLAYTIME IS OVER video comes on again…..and it’s Gail Kim. Well of course it is, as it’s been at least six weeks since she’s been out there reminding us how SERIOUS this is and how she’s a real wrestler. I know Kim is one of the best Knockouts ever (and probably the best ever) but she’s basically the female Dean Malenko: incredibly talented, but the charisma of a frozen turkey dinner.
It’s time for the big sitdown interview with the Jarretts. Here’s the whole thing: the last eight days were shocking, there’s a future between TNA and Global Force, and Jeff is excited about it. This wasn’t even two minutes long.
TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. Kurt Angle
Angle is defending and Carter is undefeated. After some Big Match Intros we’re ready to go with the fans sounding pretty much behind the champ. Thankfully the bell rings after a break so we don’t have to miss a bunch of time after a few opening seconds. I wish WWE would figure out that mentality. The fans start the dueling chants as we have a very basic standoff to get things going.
Angle takes him down into a wristlock but is all like SCREW YOU NECK TUMOR and starts busting out the suplexes. Carter is sent to the floor and gets suplexed out there as well with Kurt in all fired up mode. Back in and Carter scores with a clothesline for one and it’s off to a chinlock. There’s the Stinger Splash, followed by a TKO of all things (always loved that move) for two. Angle misses a charge into the post and gets DDT’d (DDP’d according to Josh) on the apron.
Back from a break with Carter holding a full nelson but Kurt easily powers out because neck surgeries mean nothing to him. Both guys are down off a clothesline but it’s Kurt quickly up and busting out the suplexes. The Angle Slam is countered so it’s time to roll some more Germans. Now the Slam gets two but Carter breaks up the ankle lock and sends Kurt to the floor. Tyrus finally gets involved with a clothesline but the 1%er is countered into another ankle lock.
That goes nowhere so it’s back to the Germans because Kurt is really, really repetitive at times. Another Slam gets another two (remember that repetitive thing?) and it’s back to the ankle lock, only to have the referee get bumped on the counter. Tyrus takes Angle out and the 1%er gets two more. Well at least they didn’t go with the obvious ending. The monster tries to bring in a chair (because monsters need chairs) and gets ejected as Josh becomes a face announcer again by saying it’s the right call.
Another 1%er is countered into the ankle lock with the grapevine but Carter actually makes the rope. I can’t imagine there are more than five people that have gotten out of the grapevine version so well done there. Another Angle Slam is countered into a rollup to give Carter the title at 20:16.
Rating: B-. Well it was good, but I’m not really sure how I like Carter winning with a rollup. On one hand, I like the idea of having Carter win on a fluke, but this is going to set up another period of Angle chasing the title, which really isn’t something TNA needs to do at this point. Angle is still good, but I really do not want to see him near the World Title ever again in all of history. Still though, good match and Carter winning was the only right answer, but this really didn’t make Carter feel like anything bigger than he was before.
Overall Rating: B. Good show for the most part here but there were some major issues. The Knockouts Title match and the elimination tag were bad and boring respectfully and the Jarrett interview was more insulting than anything else. The rest was good though and it felt like a major night, but it certainly didn’t light anything new on fire.
Results
Beat Down Clan b. The Rising – Drive By to Galloway
Wolves b. Dirty Heels – Rollup to Roode
Taryn Terrell b. Awesome Kong and Brooke – Taryn Cutter to Kong
Ethan Carter III b. Kurt Angle – Rollup
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
It’s another TNA pay per view and now, instead of being better than WWE’s offerings, the question is can they be better than One Night Only. It’s almost impossible to not beat Bound For Glory from last year, and at least there’s something borderline important on this show. Let’s get to it.
So this could be interesting as I’m not entirely sure what’s on the card in the first place.
We’ll start with the six man ladder match for the X-Division Title with new champion Tigre Uno defending against Rockstar Spud, Kenny King, Crazzy Steve, Manik and Mandrews. This is another example of the title meaning nothing as there are no feuds to be seen and it’s just throwing everyone out there for the sake of a big multi-man spot fest. It’s also telling that less than a week after the title changed hands, it’s already time for a fresh batch of opponents, despite Uno having no real connection to any of them. Tigre retains as he just got the belt earlier in the week.
I’ll take Davey over Aries to pick the stipulation for the final title match, because for some reason TNA thinks faces should pick stipulations in matches instead of heels, as common sense would suggest.
Matt Morgan will likely beat Bram via DQ or just cleanly because Bram is one of the biggest wastes in all of the company. This whole challenging anyone on the roster is really just a thing that he’s doing with no real upside. What good does it do him or anyone for that matter to have a bunch of one off matches? At least Morgan was successful in TNA. Kind of. In tag teams. Some of the time.
Ethan Carter III/Tyrus should beat Lashley and Anderson because there is zero logical reason for Anderson and Lashley to win given Carter’s upcoming title shot. Actually there’s no real reason for them to be teaming together other than they’re a pair of losers at the moment, but then again this is just another meaningless match.
Brooke and Kong over the Dollhouse in what should be another obvious ending. These are starting to worry me though as TNA is going to have to screw up something obvious sooner or later.
Jesse Godderz will beat Robbie E. because, again, there’s no logical reason for Robbie to go over. Godderz is getting a nice push as the new self obsessed heel, and having him lose to Robbie would be about the dumbest thing they could do here. Godderz won’t go very far with this character (his finisher is a Boston crab) but what they’re doing so far is working well.
Jeff Jarrett wins the King of the Mountain title. Yeah it’s now a title and the other participants are Matt Hardy, Eric Young, Drew Galloway and Bobby Roode. I love that they’re setting up a midcard title again, but their track record with these things kind of sucks. Well there’s no kind of to it actually. Maybe this will be different, assuming Jarrett actually sticks around.
Finally, James Storm over Magnus as this is probably continuing.
Overall, Slammiversary doesn’t look that bad. The card is WAY better than Bound For Glory looked last year as A, stuff actually matters here and B, I’ve heard of everyone on the card. I don’t think the show is going to mean anything other than being a long episode of Impact, but at least it could be entertaining. The build for this has barely existed because TNA can’t do something as simple as schedule things properly, but that’s the least of their problems right now. This show could be good, but it’s the most cautious optimism possible.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling Date: April 24, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentator: Josh Matthews
This is a special episode, focusing on the Knockouts. We’ll be seeing new Knockouts debut, a Knockouts Title match with Taryn Terrell defending against Awesome Kong, a four way for the #1 contendership and an announcement on Mickie James’ in ring future. In non-Knockouts news, we have another announcement from Ethan Carter III and Kurt Angle defending the World Title against Eric Young. Let’s get to it.
The opening video hypes this up as TKO: A Night of Knockouts.
Here’s Angle to call out Eric Young for a talk. Eric comes out in his crazy attire instead of the old version that Kurt wanted to see. Before they fight tonight, Angle wants to know which version he’s getting. Young talks about being called crazy all his life but one day last year, that turned into a World Title. The crazy kept going but last week it stopped when Angle turned his back on him to offer Eric a free shot. Eric says he’ll fight Angle tonight, but it’s going to be the best version of him.
They shake hands but here’s Austin Aries, who says he’s cashing in tonight so Eric can find something else to do. He tells Angle to go get ready because it’s going to be one of the biggest fights of his life. Young doesn’t look pleased and will likely be back around for later in the night. Sidebar: what exactly is crazy about Eric Young? He’s certainly angry and aggressive, but not crazy.
Taryn Terrell says she’s keeping the title.
Gail Kim vs. Angelina Love vs. Brooke vs. Madison Rayne
Madison jumps Brooke in the aisle and it’s a big brawl before the bell. We take a very early break and come back with Brooke and Madison fighting over a suplex until Brooke gets sent to the apron, only to snap both Madison and Angelina across the top rope. Gail gets back in it with a double dropkick and a splash to Madison, only to eat Angelina’s spinwheel kick to put her down again. Brooke gets knocked to the floor, leaving Madison to get two off a northern lights suplex.
Gail sidesteps a missile dropkick but Brooke intercepts her charge and hammers on Madison in the corner. A middle rope X Factor gets two on Madison and Love gets dropped by a flapjack. We get the big multi-submission spot which has never gotten a fall ever, followed by Brooke dropping a top rope elbow on Rayne. Gail dropkicks Love down before both good girls cross body each other down. It’s time for the parade of finishers and Brooke hits the Tesshocker on Madison for the pin at 10:40.
Rating: C. If the Divas got time like this, I might be able to care about them a lot more. I also like that there aren’t many perky, happy Knockouts. It helps to have some shades of gray in there and girls with slightly more developed characters. Queen Bee, perky model and serious wrestler aren’t in depth characters, but they’re miles more defined than Alicia Fox, Layla and Natalya.
The Rising wants a fight with the BDC tonight, one on one. I’m still waiting on an explanation for why the Rising needs to exist.
Eric Young isn’t happy.
Micah vs. Kenny King
Rising vs. BDC. MVP says it’s going to be one on one but King jumps Micah in a surprise to get things going. The Rising is quickly ejected as Micah fights back and stomps King in the corner. King sends him to the floor for a beating from the BDC and puts on a chinlock, only to miss a spinning kick to the head. A Big Ending puts King down but MVP distracts the referee, allowing Low Ki to grab Micah’s foot. King kicks Micah in the head for two but springboards into a Samoan drop to give Micah the pin at 5:00.
Rating: C-. The match was fine but I have no idea why this feud needs to exist. Both teams are pretty generic and they would have been better off just doing MVP vs. Galloway. Not a bad match here but it’s a story I don’t care about because I haven’t been given a reason to care.
The Rising runs in but gets beaten down, including some shots with a pipe.
Post break, Galloway wants Low Ki next week in a steel pipe on a pole.
Jade vs. Laura Dennis
Dennis is better known as indy wrestler Cherry Bomb while Jade is Mia Yim as one half of the Dollhouse. She and Marti Belle skip to the ring to piano music and dance with each other in the ring. Laura kicks her in the side of the head to start as a Cherry Bomb chant starts up. Jade gets more fired up and pounds Laura in the head for two. Marti hands Jade something that looked like a jawbreaker, which seems to fire Jade up even more as she hits Laura in the head. Marti trips Laura up and gets ejected so she nails the referee and helps with a double team on Laura for the DQ at 4:03.
Rating: D+. Well that was creepy. Dollhouse is definitely something interesting and WAY different than the rest of the Knockouts. It’s the kind of different we haven’t seen since Winter, but hopefully this doesn’t turn into something really stupid. Really effective debut though and I want to see more from this team.
Dollhouse isn’t cool with how Christy announces the decision so they beat her up and stick the jawbreaker in her mouth and dropkick her into the steps.
Angle tells Young that he didn’t know Aries was going to do that. Young says history keeps repeating itself but Angle offers him the next shot. That’s not cool with Young, who threatens to leave. Amazingly enough, Angle doesn’t try to stop him. Smart man that Kurt.
Magnus introduces Mickie James for her big announcement. Mickie talks about her history in the ring and how amazing it feels to be in action, but now she has something more important: their son Donovan. She’s very grateful for the fans, but as of tonight, she’s going home to be a mom. This brings out James Storm, who says people know he loves hot women, fast cars and cold beer. He sees a female version of himself in Mickie and knows she loves to hear those chants.
No one wants to see her go, but Magnus says this was too hard of a decision. James keeps going but Mickie asks him to stop because her decision is made. Storm understands the love she has for her son but these people love Mickie James. He’s asking for one more match and actually talks Mickie into it. This was more Cowboy James Storm than Revolution James Storm, which is rather interesting indeed. Magnus looks annoyed at the decision but forces a smile.
During the break, Magnus says he supports the decision but still doesn’t look thrilled. Davey Richards comes up and warns Magnus to stay away from Storm because he’s evil. Magnus appreciates the advice.
Davey Richards vs. Manik
In a case of bad editing, Davey is in the ring three seconds after he was shown walking to the ring and Manik gets an entrance. Feeling out process to start with Davey nailing a dropkick but charging into a hurricanrana with Manik going into a cross armbreaker. A snap suplex into a belly to back puts Richards down for two and we hit the chinlock. Manik puts on another armbreaker over the ropes but dives into a kick to the chest. The double stomp misses so Davey throws him into the air for a kick to the chest, setting up Creeping Death for the pin at 5:40.
Rating: C. Well, that was in fact a wrestling match and I’m kind of struggling to come up with anything else to say about it. The X-Division is just filler at the moment and I actually had to think for a second to figure out who has the title right now. Nothing to see here but the match was fine.
Post match the Revolution comes out to beat on Davey but the Hardys make the save, likely setting up a six man.
Ethan Carter says he debuts a new campaign tonight.
Here are Ethan and Tyrus (in a suit and hat, holding balloons) for the announcement. Josh says we’ve been wondering about this for weeks. I’ve been wondering about it for maybe an hour and a half as I hadn’t heard about it until the beginning of this show. Carter declares himself the next World Champion and brags about beating every member of the Hall of Fame. This brings out Mr. Anderson for some easy political jokes but Tyrus gets in his face. Anderson gives a good speech about the work it takes to win championships but Ethan wants to fight. They start brawling but Carter bails before it gets too bad.
Video on Taryn Terrell wanting to fight Awesome Kong.
Knockouts Title: Awesome Kong vs. Taryn Terrell
Terrell is defending. Before the match, Taryn asks to make this No DQ and Kong has no issue. Kong easily knocks her to the floor and giant swings the champ into the barricade. It’s kendo stick time, because those were just laying under the ring in case a No DQ match broke out. Taryn escapes a powerbomb into the steps and avoids a splash back inside.
An ax handle puts Kong down and it’s table time, as per the fans’ request. As she’s setting it up though, here’s the Dollhouse. They stand at ringside as Kong puts Taryn on the table for a splash before getting on the apron for some very weak kendo stick shots. Taryn gets up and a triple powerbomb puts Kong through the table for the pin at 5:12.
Rating: D+. Angle instead of a match here but I’m digging the idea of Taryn leading the Dollhouse. It’s certainly an interesting idea that they haven’t tried before, and the Knockouts division has needed some fresh blood for way too long now. Good idea here and an interesting turn.
Taryn grabs a mic and says everyone told her she couldn’t do it. Well now no one can beat her because her friends don’t play nice. This is their house: the Dollhouse. Jade and Marti dance around her before giving Kong the jawbreaker.
Aries is coming to the ring and runs into Young as he leaves. Austin apologizes and offers Eric the first shot.
Magnus comes up to the production staff and asks them to follow Mickie while he’s working.
TNA World Title: Austin Aries vs. Kurt Angle
Angle is defending but it’s 10:56 and Angle’s music hasn’t even started playing yet. As you probably expect, Eric Young sneaks in and attacks Aries with the briefcase before Kurt appears and piledrives him on the floor. A second piledriver on the steps FINALLY brings Angle out for some shouting. Young sends Angle into the steps to bust him open and goes after the knee, setting up the Figure Four.
The show ends with a preview for next week’s Hardcore Justice, which was April’s One Night Only and includes at least one match from the show. That’s a new idea and based on the old One Night Only shows, one of the worst possible things they could do.
Overall Rating: B. Other than the Eric Young stuff (more on that later), I really liked this show. The Dollhouse is an interesting idea and a fresh direction for the division and the focus on the Knockouts held up WAY better than I was expecting. As I said earlier, just adding some character to their matches helps it so much and gives you something to cheer for. I also dug the idea of Storm going after the family unit for whatever reason. Him not having the Revolution around him makes him so much more enjoyable too.
As for Young, this was another example of why I don’t like him in this spot. In addition to not liking the CRAZY thing (because he isn’t acting crazy), there are so many other people who could be in this spot. Storm, Carter, Bram, Aries, even MVP or Galloway would be more interesting opponents for Angle. Young comes off as a guy who is in over his head and is just there to get beaten in the end. Why have average when you could have really good? Anyway, really solid show tonight and a very big surprise.
Results
Brooke b. Gail Kim, Angelina Love and Madison Rayne – Tesshocker to Rayne
Micah b. Kenny King – Samoan drop
Laura Dennis b. Jade via DQ when Marti Belle interfered
Davey Richards b. Manik – Creeping Death
Taryn Terrell b. Awesome Kong – Powerbomb through a table
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – April 10, 2015: Wanted: Top Level Heel, No Experience Preferred
Impact Wrestling Date: April 10, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Taz, Josh Matthews
This is an interesting time for TNA as they have a bunch of potential challengers for Kurt Angle’s World Title but it seems that Lashley has the most valid claim to a shot. Last week Angle pinned Lashley but the replay showed that Lashley’s shoulder was up. Other than that we have Drew Galloway’s Rising ready to deal with MVP’s Beat Down Clan. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Galloway debuting a few weeks back to try and take back wrestling from the Beat Down Clan. He now has his friends in the Rising to help in his battle.
Tonight, fan Tweets will be airing on screen. This is apparently interesting for reasons that I don’t really understand but WWE does it so it’s a good idea right?
Here’s Kurt Angle to address the end of last week’s show. There’s been a lot of buzz over the match with Lashley so he’d like Lashley out here right now. We look at the tape of Lashley’s shoulder being up and the fans want a rematch. Angle says he won’t back down from a title defense because he knows he can beat Lashley again. They’re ready to fight tonight but Eric Young comes out to crank up the suck.
Eric says he’s #1 contender and the rankings say so. He’s a main event champion and Angle is holding his belt. The fans don’t seem to agree but Young grabs Lashley’s face. Angle goes for Young but Lashley spears the champ down by mistake. Oh the drama. Maybe we can see Eric Young get in a match way over his head again but get to see him survive because he’s Eric Young and has been around forever and for some reason that makes him interesting. I mean, he’s not tall like Big Show but he has been around a long time.
Post break, Angle is still in the ring and says he’ll fight Lashley and Young tonight at the same time.
Video on the history of Awesome Kong vs. Gail Kim.
Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong
#1 contenders match. They go nose to nose until Gail gets launched across the ring by the hair. Back up and Kin gets in a few unsold shots before being tossed right back down. As the match goes on, I get THRILLING Tweets of fans saying they like the match and that they’re watching the show. You can’t buy journalism like this people. Gail fights up from a camel clutch but runs into a hard clothesline. King rips the turnbuckle pad off and sends Gail outside, only to get dropkicked into the barricade.
Back in and Gail fires off forearms to the chest before getting two off a spinning cross body. Kong misses a charge into the exposed buckle to give Gail two as we get a Tweet from Jim Ross about how good Gail is. See, that’s the kind of thing we need live commentary to point out. Eat Defeat gets another near fall but Kong just grabs her by the throat and sets Kim on the top rope. Gail dives again and goes right into the Awesome Bomb for the pin at 7:18.
Rating: C. This is one of those old, storied feuds in TNA that was indeed cool ten years ago or however long it was, but now it’s more like “hey, I remember when they had matches back then.” Thankfully they didn’t play that up too strong here and it was really just a step above a Kong squash. Taryn vs. Kong could be good if they book it right.
We immediately cut to James Storm and Mickie James. Mickie thanks him for the save last week but that’s just how southerners are raised. This is more like the old Storm. She goes to leave but he asks for a hug. Manik comes up and asks what was up with that but Storm goes back into Revolution mode and tells Manik to never question his motives. He orders Manik to round up the team for a fight. That transition from Kong to Storm was way too fast and something TNA needs to work on. It’s ok to stay on the winner more than two seconds before you get to your next thing.
Back from a break with the Revolution in the ring and Storm sitting in a chair. He’s brought them out here to make things very clear: this is about a revolution, not for him to take care of them. Each and every one of the men in this ring failed him, which is why Sanada is gone. Storm yells at Khoya, saying he brought him out of that horrible country but now Khoya has failed him.
There’s always room for one more, but now there can always be room for one less. He’s going to win this Tag Team Title tournament and one of them is going to be his partner. The fans chant for Manik, but Storm makes a three way to determine who gets the spot. A referee comes out and Storm insists that there must be a winner.
Abyss vs. Khoya vs. Manik
Abyss cleans house but Manik hits him with a chair, which seems to be legal. Khoya picks up a stick that Storm left in the ring but Abyss knocks him into the corner. Apparently the title match is next week in Ultimate X. That’s rather sudden but that’s life in TNA. Manik counters a chokeslam into a standing cross armbreaker (Six Second Magic for you No Mercy fans out there) but Khoya comes in for the save. A Sky High to Manik is enough to get Khoya the spot in the tournament at 2:50.
We go back to James Storm’s barn with the ghost hunters from last week. The results are inconclusive.
Here’s the Rising for a chat. Drew really does fit in this role. He’s so awesome that he can cut a promo and have his LIVE Tweet show up on screen at the same time. Drew says he’d give us the shirt off his back and that’s exactly what he does. He started the Stand Up campaign to bring wrestling back where it belongs and the fans are part of the Rising with them. Drew hands the microphone off for the official introductions.
First up we have Micah, formerly known as Camacho. The BDC is a bunch of bullies and it’s time to punch them right in the mouth. The other member is Eli Drake (you might know him as Shaun Ricker) and he talks about how they’re definitely not Superstars, but professional wrestlers. Drew throws down the gauntlet and here’s the BDC to answer. King thinks they’re rising like a yeast infection and MVP accepts the challenge. Drew counts down from three to one and the brawl is on in the aisle as we go to a break. Drake and Micah are just warm bodies but they were fine here.
Rising vs. Beat Down Clan
This would be the second match made by the wrestlers in the first hour. King grabs a headlock on Drake to start but gets caught in a powerslam. It’s quickly off to Micah vs. MVP with the BDC taking over and stomping away in the corner. MVP comes back in and puts on a chinlock before kicking Micah in the face for two. Micah scores with a Samoan drop and Drew gets the hot tag to clean house. Everything breaks down with the Rising clearing the ring, leaving Micah to dive onto all three of them. Drew and Drake pose but a masked man in BDC gear sneaks in with what looked like a pipe for the DQ at 6:52.
Rating: D+. This match was watchable but I’m really not seeing why I should care. Rising is a bunch of newcomers and Drew stands out, but I’m not really sure why these teams need to fight. The BDC hasn’t actually won anything other than the X Title once or twice. Do we really need a stable to fight against them?
The masked man is Homicide. Oh…..great.
Angle says he’s ready to prove himself again when Eric Young jumps him. After a break, Angle insists he’s fighting tonight.
DJZ vs. Davey Richards
Feeling out process to start with both guys flying around a bit until Davey dropkicks him out to the floor. Davey kicks him in the face from the apron but DJZ comes back with some shots of his own back inside. That’s fine with Davey as he wins a slugout and sends DJZ to the floor for a suicide dive. Back in again and a running kick gets two for Davey but he misses the top rope stomp. Instead he throws DJZ up in the air for the kick to the chest, setting up a spinning kick to the head (Creeping Death) for the pin at 5:32.
Rating: C. Well that happened. I guess they’re setting up the tag tournament next week but it was announced as the X-Division match of the night. The match was entertaining enough but having matches for the sake of having a match isn’t the best way to get my interest up. Still though, watchable.
Homicide says the BDC is familia. MVP says they’re the Beat Down Clan and they do what they do because they can. I’ve heard worse catchphrases.
We see some girls playing with dolls. The Dollhouse is coming soon. The girls appeared to be Marti Belle and Mia Yim.
Here are the Hardys to celebrate beating James Storm last week. Next on their list is winning the Tag Team Champions for the first time in TNA. This brings out Ethan Carter III and Tyrus to remind us that Ethan is undefeated for nineteen months, but somehow he hasn’t gotten his title shot. He’s entering the tournament to get a Tag Team Title, but he needs a partner. He wants someone who can hurt people and that man is…..Bram. Now that’s interesting. Bram comes out and says he hates everyone, but he’ll team up with Carter because he hates him the least.
This brings out Anderson, who asks if Carter just said he and Bram are the odds on favorites. Carter: “Yup.” Anderson: “Huh?” “Yeah.” “Huh?” “I do.” “Huh?” “Indeed.” This goes on for about ten more seconds because Carter is rather entertaining on the mic. Anderson’s partner is Spud and they have a quick argument over Spud grabbing Anderson’s microphone. The two of them head to the ring but Austin Aries comes out, talks about loving gold, and announces Roode as his partner.
A preview for next week shows that we have four qualifying matches and the winners going to an Ultimate X match for the Tag Team Titles. It also shows the four teams in the Ultimate X match because these previews aren’t thought out in advance.
TNA World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Eric Young vs. Lashley
Angle is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Young hides on the floor to start and lets the suplex machines fight, but they quickly get together and beat Young back and forth. Lashley plays Bret on a Hart Attack and Young gets beaten up on the floor as we take a break. Back with Angle busting out the suplexes on both guys and clotheslining Lashley to the floor. Kurt ducks his head and eats a piledriver but Lashley makes the save and throws Eric outside.
The running powerslam gets two on the champ and a big spear gets the same with Young making the save. Lashley tweaks his ankle on a leapfrog but is still able to low bridge Eric to the floor due to Eric sucking so much. Both challengers get rolling Germans but Young breaks up the ankle lock (it lasts about 20 seconds, which Josh timed as three minutes) and puts Lashley in the Figure Four. Lashley makes the rope so Eric wedges a chair in the corner, only to get caught in the delayed vertical. The spear hits the chair though and Angle Slams both guys, setting up the moonsault onto Lashley’s bad leg for the pin at 13:43.
Rating: B-. So now we get Angle vs. Young because Young will be CRAZY while saying he never got beat right? You know, because we absolutely, totally and completely need Eric Young in our lives and main events. He’s been around for years you know. The match was decent enough, as long as Young was kept reined in.
Post match Angle leaves so Young goes after Bobby’s leg with the chair and puts on another figure four.
Overall Rating: C+. Decent enough show that set up the tournament next week, but the wrestling outside of the main event was only so good. The stories don’t have the same heat they did a few weeks back, but at least we’ve still got enough good stuff to keep things going. I would however appreciate a top heel instead of a bunch of mid level ones running around. Angle seems to be a transitional champion and that’s the right kind of reign for him at the moment, hopefully with Carter rising up to the top spot soon enough.
Results
Awesome Kong b. Gail Kim – Awesome Bomb
Khoya b. Abyss and Manik – Sky High to Manik
Rising b. Beat Down Clan via DQ when Homicide interfered
Davey Richards b. DJZ – Creeping Death
Kurt Angle b. Lashley and Eric Young – Moonsault to Lashley
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – March 27, 2015: The Old Standard
Impact Wrestling Date: March 27, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Taz
We’re finally back in America after a pretty awesome UK tour and the main story is Kurt Angle defeating Lashley to win the World Title. As for tonight, the big story is the return of Jeff Hardy from his annual “I can’t go to Europe” leave for a showdown inside a cage against James Storm. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Storm shoving Hardy off the cage a few weeks ago to put him out of action.
Here are Storm and Khoya for a chat to get things going. Storm says tonight is supposed to be about Hardy’s revenge but Hardy isn’t here. A few weeks back, Storm did exactly what he said he was going to do when he put out Jeff and then last week he did the same to Matt. Jeff Hardy is known for diving off cages so Storm just tried to help him. The fans chant for Hardy so Storm pulls out a watermelon and says this is Hardy before throwing it over the cage and out to the floor.
This brings out Jeff who says Storm did what no one else could do and put him out for a bit, but Jeff is still standing. He wants to start now, but here’s Manik to get in a cheap shot and lay Hardy out. Storm orders Manik to break his arm but Jeff hits a twisting Stunner to put Manik down. This brings out Abyss to send Jeff into the cage but Hardy takes the chair away from Abyss and lays him out. Jeff asks someone to lower the roof of the cage, which happens to be full of weapons. The match is later tonight.
We look at Austin Aries getting his Feast or Fired briefcase back, allowing Spud to win the X-Division Title.
The BDC says they can’t replace someone (meaning Joe) but MVP says it’s time for Low Ki to get the X-Division Title back tonight.
Ad for the Sting DVD set. How long has it been since they had a DVD release?
Storm sends Khoya to get rid of Jeff Hardy.
X-Division Title: Low Ki vs. Rockstar Spud
Rematch from last week’s “match”. I’m not the biggest Low Ki fan so hopefully this doesn’t end Spud’s hot streak. It’s a slow start until Ki takes him down to the mat for a hard kick to the ribs. Spud’s chops have no effect but some right hands do. That’s the extent of his offense though as Spud gets dropped again and keeps shaking his head. A double stomp knocks Spud silly and he has to beat a ten count back up.
Back up and Spud snaps off some left hands followed by a dropkick as he tries to speed things up. He plants Ki with a running DDT and takes off the bowtie. Cue MVP and King for distractions to break up the Underdog, but Drew Galloway distracts them, allowing Spud to small Low Ki for the pin at 5:11.
Rating: D. Spud got beaten up for most of the match here before a fluke ending. I’ve never been a fan of booking that makes the champion look weak and that’s exactly how Spud came off. He doesn’t have the highest stature in the first place and this isn’t the best way for him to look stronger. Drew vs. the BDC isn’t the most interesting feud in the world either.
Post break the BDC is still in the ring (oh joy) to rant about Galloway and threaten to send him to the hospital. MVP wants Drew out here right now and that’s exactly what he gets. Drew admits that he’s both dumb and crazy because he’s still here after King hit him with a pipe. He wants to know who will stand up with him tonight and asks the fans if they’re tired of the BDC.
Drew says they have a rising going on right now but King turns it into a Braveheart analogy. Ki wants Low Ki right now and it’s on, with two guys (the recently released Camacho and indy wrestler Shaun Ricker) jumping in from the crowd for a three on three brawl. The newly named Rising clear the ring. Great. ANOTHER faction.
Video on Kong wanting to take Taryn Terrell’s Knockout Title.
The BDC is ready to call someone to replace Joe.
Brooke vs. Awesome Kong
Let the squashing begin. Brooke fires off kicks to the leg but gets run over by a standing clothesline. A front slam drops Brooke again before King stands on her hair. Brooke even tries to fight back from the mat but her forearms have no effect. Kong shrugs off some clotheslines but the Awesome Bomb is countered (Kidman!) into a faceplant. A top rope elbow gets two on Kong but she comes back with a chokeslam and the Implant Buster for the pin at 4:15.
Rating: D+. I’m glad that they’re back to having Brooke just be eye candy instead of having her do WACKY COMEDY with Robbie E. At least this match made Kong look dominant instead of having her lose in a triple threat, even though that’s the calling card of the Knockouts division.
Kong hits another Implant Buster and gets a table from under the ring. Taryn comes in to hammer on Kong, eventually putting her down with a missile dropkick and low bridging her to the floor. Kong shrugs all that off though and powerbombs Terrell through the table.
Video on Lashley vs. Angle from last week.
Aries implies he’s cashing in tonight.
Jeff Hardy is talking about the match tonight when Khoya comes in. Hardy fights him off and finds a conveniently placed ladder to get in even more damage. Khoya tries to get up so Jeff breaks bottles over his face. That’s a bit excessive.
Here’s Kurt Angle for his championship celebration. He says this is title #14 (it’s still a huge stretch Kurt) but this one is different. Kurt talks about having to work this much harder to get here and it’s his proudest moment thus far. Cue Ethan Carter III (FINALLY) to talk about how Angle has inspired everyone in the back, even him.
Angle did the impossible last week when he beat Lashley, but it seems impossible to go 18 months undefeated and beat every TNA Hall of Famer (minus D-Von but who cares about him anyway). Angle doesn’t buy it but here’s Roode to interrupt as well. He wants his rematch for the title and Angle doesn’t seem opposed to the idea. Angle deserves this moment but it’s just a moment.
This brings out Eric Young (of freaking course) to say he took the title from Bobby Roode because he’s always been better than Bobby. Young says the title goes through him but Austin Aries comes out carrying the briefcase. After pointing out that Carter hasn’t won the title, he opens the briefcase and reveals a bottle of champagne. The question is who the toast is for. Angle says he’ll fight anyone anywhere anytime. As he goes to leave, Lashley comes out to say it’s his rematch time. That’s fine with Angle but a huge brawl breaks out with all the people in the ring. We’re still not done because Mr. Anderson comes out to join in.
Austin Aries/Mr. Anderson/Bobby Roode vs. Ethan Carter III/Eric Young/Tyrus
Joined in progress after a break with Carter in trouble. Roode catapults Carter into a forearm from Aries for two before it’s off to Anderson to stay on the arm. Off to Tyrus vs. Roode with the big man suplexing Bobby down. Off to Carter to choke on the ropes before putting on a chinlock. Young can’t get the piledriver as Roode counters with a backdrop and makes the hot tag to Aries.
Everything breaks down with Tyrus nailing Aries with a clothesline but Anderson takes out the big man. Aries forearms Carter to the floor and hits the suicide dive but Young posts Anderson. Back in and Roode spinebusters Young down, setting up the 450 but Aries only hits mat. He also bangs up his knee, allowing Young to slap on a Figure Four for the submission at 7:26.
Rating: C-. This match was a good example of a lot of TNA’s problems in a single match: too many people involved in a story and stuff happening WAY too fast. Set this up for next week’s main event instead of just throwing everything together at once. I like the idea of everyone wanting the belt as it’s what wrestling is built on, but let things breathe a bit and build the anticipation.
Here’s Bram to call Magnus a coward over and over. Magnus has been sending his old lady out here to fight his battles, but it makes sense as she’s more of a man than he’ll ever be. A mention of Magnus’ son is enough to bring Magnus himself out to say this is about to become more than anyone can handle. Bram promises to make Mickie cry, but she says they’ll be tears of joy when Bram is beaten all around the Impact Zone.
That’s what Bram wanted to hear, because he thinks Mickie will have to go back to an empty house. Don’t worry though because his door is always open. It’s on now but a low blow puts Magnus down. Bram grabs Mickie and tries to make her kiss his boot before just trying to kiss her instead.
Magnus gets back up and suplexes him down before beating Bram with that wrench Bram carries. They go to leave but Mickie has to get in some shots of her own. This is still an awesome story and the promos are on fire. It also helps that it’s something relatable. Instead of a cult leader messing with a psychedelic daredevil, it’s a man defending his family.
Angle says he beat Lashley once but beating him again will be tough. He won’t be intimidated though.
James Storm vs. Jeff Hardy
Inside the cage with weapons and Storm blasts him with a trashcan before the bell. Hardy quickly fights back and sends him into some buckles. Poetry in Motion with a chair connects once but misses the second time to give Storm control again. Back with Matthews telling us which guy is which and recapping the events that set this up in about ten seconds. I miss basic announcing like that and it’s so refreshing to hear it again. Storm tells the fans to shut up and gets taken down by a running clothesline. The Swanton hits knees though and the Eye of the Storm gets two.
Closing Time into a Backstabber sets up the Last Call but Storm wants the cowbell. Hardy takes it away and hits Storm with it, setting up the Swanton for two. Back up and Storm goes up top so Jeff grabs the top of the cage for some dropkicks into a hurricanrana for another near fall. They’re just going spot to spot at this point. Some trashcan lid shots to the head and a cowbell shot look to set up the Swanton but Jeff monkey bars across the top into a swinging Vader Bomb (minus the pumping) for the pin at 14:55.
Rating: C+. Fun match but there are some issues here, starting with the weapons. A single moment a few weeks ago really doesn’t warrant a gimmick cage match in the first match back for Jeff. Where is this feud supposed to go? That’s one of TNA’s long running issues: knowing how to end a feud. This is probably going to continue for weeks after the big match happened early on. Still though, it was a fun match, assuming you can ignore the parts that didn’t need to be there.
After a preview for next week, we get a nice In Memory Of graphic for Perro Aguayo Jr. WWE didn’t do that.
Overall Rating: C. This show was a great example of one of TNA’s major problems flaring up again: they don’t know how to calm down and let things breathe. Look at earlier: we have three stables, a gimmick cage match, a falls count anywhere match next week, and a World Title match next week. That kind of stuff should fill up six weeks, not two shows. Let the show take its time instead of firing off everything at once and see how much better the builds are. It’s a good show this week with Magnus and Bram as the highlights, but these shows wear me out more often than not and that’s more like Raw than anything else.
Results
Rockstar Spud b. Low Ki – Small package
Awesome Kong b. Brooke – Implant Buster
Eric Young/Ethan Carter III/Tyrus vs. Bobby Roode/Austin Aries/Mr. Anderson – Figure four to Aries
Jeff Hardy b. James Storm – Swinging splash from the roof of the cage
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – March 20, 2015: It’s Still True
Impact Wrestling Date: March 20, 2015
Location: Wembley Arena, London, England
Attendance: 4,500 Commentators: Taz, Josh Matthews
This is the last show of the European tour and they have a big main event to cap things off: Lashley defending the World Title against Kurt Angle. This is a match they’ve built up very well in the last few weeks and it feels like a match worthy of closing things out. There’s also a triple threat Ultimate X match for the Tag Team Titles, but that’s not important enough to advertise on TV. Let’s get to it.
Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. BroMans vs. Manik/Great Sanada
Ultimate X, meaning the titles are hung above the ring where they’re suspended from two ropes in the shape of an X. You have to climb up the structures at the corners of the ring and crawl along the ropes to retrieve the titles. The Wolves are defending and it’s DJZ and Jesse Godderz this time due to Robbie being shaken up by losing to Brooke last week. The champs get quadruple teamed to start but they easily fight off the schmucks and lackeys to clean house.
Jesse gets beaten down by the champs but Angelina offers a distraction to break up a double dive. That’s fine with the Wolves as they throw DJZ over the top onto the Revolution. Nice way to get the best of both worlds, if you consider Angelina the best that is. The challengers finally get things together and beat Edwards and Richards down until Jesse holds Richards long enough to nearly allow Manik to get the belts. Instead he dropkicks Manik down, followed by a double backbreaker for good measure.
The BroMans try to get the belts without climbing and actually get their fingers on them, but the Revolution comes in to turn it into a game of chicken. That brings the Wolves back in for stereo dropkicks and all six guys are down. Richards powerbombs Manik into a Backstabber for a save and DJZ gets shoved into the truss. Jesse gets some mist to the face but Edwards crotches Sanada. A hurricanrana into the double stomp from Edwards has Sanada out of it, leaving the Wolves to take down the belts to retain at 9:23.
Rating: B-. This felt like a really good house show match: they didn’t do much besides the big stuff and the titles were never in any real danger, but it’s entertaining stuff and the crowd got into it. They weren’t going for some masterpiece here and it would have been a stretch for the Wolves to have a major problem dispatching either team. Good stuff here and exactly what it was supposed to be.
The announcers preview the main event.
Here’s Austin Aries with something to say. He hasn’t been around the last few weeks and it’s because of the Beat Down Clan. They beat him up and stole his briefcase, so get out here right now and give it back. Cue Samoa Joe and Low Ki with the briefcase with Low Ki saying possession is 9/10 of the law, so Aries can’t play his games right now.
Aries has two points: Low Ki isn’t Austin Aries because he doesn’t cash in that briefcase. Second, Low Ki isn’t Austin Aries because that briefcase doesn’t have his name on it. Aries wants his X-Division Title back too and is willing to put his briefcase up for a shot at it. Ki agrees, but only if Aries can get through Joe. Joe nails Aries and we go to a break.
Samoa Joe vs. Austin Aries
Joined in progress after a break with Aries in big trouble. His comeback is easily broken up as Joe gets in a shot to the shoulder and throws Aries to the floor. The arm gets sent into the steps before an overhead belly to belly gets two back inside. We hit the chinlock followed by a nerve hold as things slow way down. The backsplash misses though and Aries fires off some left hands in the corner. Joe is too big for the brainbuster though and he takes Aries down for a Fujiwara armbar on the bad arm. Aries makes the rope and sends Joe outside, setting up a big suicide dive, only to have Low Ki nail Aries for the DQ at 6:55.
Rating: C. This was just a match to set up the angle but it still worked well enough. Aries is able to have a good match with almost anyone in the company and I like that Low Ki seemed scared to go after the briefcase but trusted in his numbers advantage to take Aries down. Nice stuff here.
The BDC goes after Aries but Low Ki nails Joe in the head with the briefcase (great shot too) to knock him cold. Aries forearms the briefcase into Ki’s head and leaves with the belt. Cue Rockstar Spud with his X-Division Feast or Fired case and it’s time for a cash in!
X-Division Title: Rockstar Spud vs. Low Ki
Underdog gives Spud the title in seven seconds. Spud deserves something for all the work he’s done lately.
Magnus is beating Bram up in the back and throws him onto a cart. They come into the arena with Bram being knocked down the aisle. Magnus erupts on him with a chair but referees pulls him off. Mickie James comes out and kicks Bram in the ribs. That’s enough of an opening for Magnus to take Bram up to the stage for a powerbomb to leave Bram laying.
The roster is looking forward to the main event. MVP says they’re fighting for his title.
Knockouts Title: Awesome Kong vs. Taryn Terrell vs. Gail Kim
Terrell is defending. The early double teaming of Kong gets her down but she sends Gail into Taryn to take over. Kong lifts Taryn up for a slam but Gail dropkicks Terrell in the back. That doesn’t phase Kong and she drops Taryn on Gail in a cool spot. Taryn gets clotheslined out of the air but Gail counters the Implant Buster.
More double teaming fails and Gail is knocked to the floor. A middle rope dropkick staggers Kong but she shoves off the Taryn Cutter. There go the gloves but she misses the splash, allowing Taryn to hit the second attempt at the cutter for two. Instead a dropkick sends Kong to the floor where Gail nails her with a huge dive. Back in and Gail sunset bombs Taryn for two but gets rolled up for the pin to retain Taryn’s title at 6:16.
Rating: B-. I’d love to see the Divas get a chance to do something like this. Seeing the Knockouts and NXT Girls having matches like this one make me wonder why the Divas aren’t given the chance to pull off something similar. The time helped here but the whole thing wasn’t even seven minutes long, meaning it doesn’t even take a long time to put together a classic.
James Storm flips a coin to determine what happens to Matt Hardy. The decision is to cause him severe pain.
Video on Angle vs. Lashley with a theme of surviving changes in life.
Angle says he’s ready.
James Storm vs. Matt Hardy
No DQ. The brawl starts in the aisle again with Matt getting the better of it and throwing a bunch of chairs into the ring. Storm comes back by wedging a chair in the corner before they trade trashcan shots to the head. Matt gets crotched on the top and kicked in the head, setting up a superplex onto two open chairs for two. Abyss throws in some tacks but Matt knocks James’ back first onto them, followed by a top rope elbow for two.
The Twist of Fate connects but Abyss pulls the referee out at two. The rest of the Revolution gets involved but are easily dispatched, only to have Storm send him into the chair in the corner for a close two. Another Twist of Fate drops Storm but Matt can’t cover. Instead Abyss hands Storm the bell as Sanada mists Matt. A cowbell to the back of the head and two Last Calls are good for the pin at 6:48.
Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one as it felt like they were cramming way too much stuff into this. I’m not even sure why the Revolution is going after the Hardys but it’s better than them having nothing to do and just wasting time while adding more people to their ranks. This one missed though and it was due to just not letting the match build and going too hard with it.
James says he put Jeff out of wrestling and has the Revolution hold Matt.
TNA World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Lashley
Lashley is defending. We get the old school long walks through the back to the ring to really make this feel like a big deal. After the big match intros we’re ready to go with nearly twenty five minutes for this match. The fans are behind Angle but Lashley throws him into the corner with ease. A big clothesline puts Angle down again as it’s all champ so far. Kurt goes back to basics with rolling Germans and sends Lashley to the floor, but the champ takes over again with pure power.
Back in and Lashley pounds him down in the corner before starting in on the arm and shoulder. Kurt fights up and escapes, setting up a middle rope shoulder to drop Lashley. It’s time to roll some Germans and Lashley is in trouble. Kurt lets go but snaps off five more Germans before taking down the straps. The ankle lock is countered and Lashley nails the powerslam for two as we take a break.
Back with Lashley going shoulder first into the post and getting caught in the ankle lock again. Lashley rolls through but charges into a boot, setting up the Angle Slam for two. Now the spear connects for two but Lashley takes way too much time going up, allowing Angle to avoid a splash. This time it’s Kurt going up for a high cross body but Lashley rolls through into an ankle lock of his own. Kurt grabs the rope and hits another Angle Slam only to get caught in a cross armbreaker. That gets turned over into another ankle lock with the grapevine and Lashley taps at 20:18.
Rating: B+. It’s really good but it’s clear that Angle just doesn’t have the same reserves he used to. I’m ok with the title win as it feels more like one last reign for Angle instead of making him the long term top guy again. Angle more than deserves a reign like that and if he puts over a young star (which he likely will), this is fine. Lashley looks good in a loss, but the match didn’t hit the levels of epic they were hoping for. Still though, really good stuff.
Overall Rating: A-. Really solid show this week in TNA’s form of a pay per view. It’s a great way to blow off the UK tour and it felt like a major show. The big deal next week is the return of Jeff Hardy, and it’s going to be interesting to see if they can keep this momentum back in Orlando. History suggests otherwise, but this has been their best run in years. Really good show though and it’s nice to see TNA deliver when they were supposed to.
Results
Wolves b. BroMans and Manik/Great Sanada – Edwards pulled down the belts
Austin Aries b. Samoa Joe via DQ when Low Ki interfered
Rockstar Spud b. Low Ki – Underdog
James Storm b. Matt Hardy – Twist of Fate
Kurt Angle b. Bobby Lashley – Ankle lock
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
TNA One Night Only – Jokers Wild III: And Now, For A Twist
Jokers Wild III Date: March 6, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,100
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash
This is the old standard for TNA as this series has somehow reached a third year. Thanks a lot TNA for screwing up your pay per views so I have to sit through even more of these things. It’s another show with a series of qualifying matches for a big gauntlet match for money at the end. Maybe Matthews can save the commentary here. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is the standard preview of the show that we’ve come to know and….I can’t imagine anyone looks forward to these things.
JB and Christy are drawing all of the names before each match. I won’t be mentioning any of these unless something of note happens. All matches are qualifying matches for the gauntlet match main event.
Robbie E./Jesse Godderz vs. Mr. Anderson/Al Snow
Hopefully this is the only required “random” pairing of a regular team. Anderson does Snow’s entrance: “WHAT IS EVERYONE INTERESTED IN??? WHAT DOES MR. ANDERSON REQUIRE???” Robbie pauses for a picture after the bell and says he wants Snow. The fans agree and we get Al vs. Robbie…..for five seconds until Robbie tags out. We’re still waiting on any significant contact until Snow slams Jesse a few times.
Off to Robbie who is terrified of Head. Snow takes him down into something like a Regal Stretch (arm trap STF) and pulls on his nipple. Anderson comes back in to crank on the arm (ignoring the nipple. So much for psychology) before it’s back to Snow, who gets caught in the double team. It’s already SO much easier here with the announcers focusing on the match instead of talking about anything else.
Snow takes Robbie over to the corner and Jesse, ever the schnook, grabs his partner’s arm by mistake and works it over. The non-Bros (sisters?) steal the selfie stick to show Jesse what he did and tensions are teased. Instead we get a double noggin knocker so Anderson and Snow can stand tall. Back in and Robbie interferes, allowing Jesse to nail a dropkick before E. comes in to stomp on the arm for two. The hot tag brings in Snow and everything breaks down. Anderson sneaks Head in to Snow so he can knock Jesse silly, only to get rolled up by Robbie for a surprise pin.
Rating: D+. This was a decent enough match but hokey smoke does the commentary make it easier to sit through. I used to dread these shows because of how horrible Tenay and Taz were but again, Josh Matthews is his average self and it’s more than a huge improvement. The BroMans winning makes sense here and the less I have to watch Mr. Anderson be his run of the mill standard, the better I am.
The BroMans say they’re winning the $100,000 and spending it in one night.
DJZ/Samuel Shaw vs. Rockstar Spud/Awesome Kong
This could be a trainwreck. Thankfully this was taped less than a month before it aired so a lot of this is up to date, but unfortunately some is also ahead of schedule. For instance, Spud is bald here, a week before the hair vs. hair match took place. TNA goes Back to the Future? Spud is very, very happy with his partner. Spud and DJZ get things going and I really want to see DJZ hit on Kong.
They start with a basic cruiserweight style sequence until Spud dances in front of Kong. She tags herself in and actually gets caught in a headlock from DJZ, only to pull him down by the mohawk. Shaw comes in with a creepy mustache but Spud tags himself in to say that Kong is a lady. He stops Shaw from slapping her in the face and hammers away with some Popeye wind-up punches.
Spud gets double teamed in the corner as, get this, the announcers TALK ABOUT UPCOMING SHOWS TO MAKE US WANT TO SEE THEM. Not football, not references 8% of the audience will get, and not inside jokes. They actually do their jobs for a change and it’s just a step beneath glory. Kong gets the hot tag and cleans house with a crotch claw to Samuel and a chokeslam to DJZ, setting up the Jimmy Snuka/Andre the Giant shoulders splash for the pin on DJZ.
Rating: D+. Again this was fine and a big shorter than the first match. It’s still not a good match or anything like that, but Spud is almost always a highlight of these things, even when he has nothing to work with like he did here. Is Shaw even with the company anymore? I don’t remember the last time he was on Impact and I can’t say I’m complaining. The guy is just one idea that has been played to death.
Spud is terrified of Kong so she kisses him. He seems to like it and faints.
Ethan Carter III says luck is power. Luck is having stroke. Luck is having your aunt own the company. Last year he won the competition and burned the money at Burning Man because he’s awesome like that.
Davey Richards/Eddie Edwards vs. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode
If this isn’t the longest tag match of the night, it’s a crying shame. Josh gets his facts wrong by saying Aries has the record for most X-Division Title reigns with six (Sabin had eight). Aries and Roode both try to go to the apron and then both start try to get in. I saw them team live once and they had the most entertaining match of the night.
We finally get down to Richards vs. Aries with Austin taking him down by the wrist. A series of tags leads to top rope elbows to the arm as the announcers talk about where the Wolves came up with their name. Apparently it has to do with teaming together in Wolverhampton, England. This leads to a quick discussion about JB being in that city before and it’s right back to talking about the match. Why does Taz have a job again?
The Wolves double team Aries in the corner and drop elbows on his back, only to have their double dive broken up by a double clothesline. We settle down to Roode dropping a knee on Richards for two. Aries slaps on the Last Chancery and the fans get behind the Wolves. That lasts all of three seconds before it’s back to Roode for a hard clothesline. Davey fights back out of the corner but the double teaming brings him back down.
The match gets a bit boring, so the announcers make predictions for the gauntlet. I love this new team. Aries and Roode keep tagging in and out for chops and punches in the corner. Davey finally comes back with the eternally stupid “make your opponent DDT his partner” spot and the hot tag brings in Eddie. Everything breaks down and Davey has to save his partner from a double suplex, setting up the German suplex into a jackknife cover for two on Roode.
Aries makes the save and sends Davey to the floor before hitting the running dropkick in the corner to Edwards. The Wolves headbutt out of stereo superplex attempts but miss stereo double stomps. The Roode Bomb and brainbuster are escaped as well, setting up stereo rollups for the pin. Eh I prefer monaural but this was good enough.
Rating: B. I think we can pencil this in for match of the night. Yeah it makes it very clear that the drawings are rigged, but this was so much easier to sit through than another comedy match with WACKY partners. There are better matches out there, but this is a classic by One Night Only standards. Good stuff.
Spud, with lipstick on his face, is with Kong and asks about room rates at Motel 6. Kong puts her arm around his shoulders. Spud: “Sup baby?” This cracked me up.
Ethan Carter III is chosen for the next match but has to say all the jokers here are in the audience. He has a pretty good feeling that he might be paired with Tyrus. “Christy, I’ll tumble for you if you tumble for me first.”
Ethan Carter III/Crazzy Steve vs. Tyrus/Knux
Well what are the odds of that? I’m getting a bit tired of thinking something like that over and over. Steve has a pair of Carter’s trunks on because he’s a painted up thief. He redeems himself a bit by doing Ethan’s pose. JB thinks Tyrus is going to lay down for his boss, which isn’t something an announcer just flat out suggests most of the time. Knux’s beard is now curled to either side like pigtails.
Steve and Tyrus get things going but Carter tags himself in to tell the big man to lay down. Tyrus won’t do it though as he could win $100,000….and it’s one finger to the chest for two as Knux makes the save. Steve comes back in to grab a rollup as this slow motion continues.
Knux picks Steve up and walks him around the ring, accidentally kicking Tyrus in the face. We get the Bushwhackers march until Steve rolls Knux up for two. It’s back to Tyrus (I don’t remember a tag in the last two minutes) who misses a splash in the corner, leaving Knux to punch Carter. A dropkick and cross body put Carter down but Tyrus nails Knux from behind to give Carter the pin.
Rating: D. I really don’t care for this kind of match and unfortunately this show feels like it was made by Vince Russo to get all these wacky finishes into three hours. It doesn’t help that they’re just throwing these matches out there and not even trying to hide that the draw is rigged. I’d love to see an actual random draw, just for the fun of it.
James Storm says tonight is a game of chances so even the Revolution aren’t friends and allies tonight.
Eric Young/Bram vs. Magnus/Tommy Dreamer
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I’ve sat through every show in this series and I get ERIC YOUNG AND TOMMY FREAKING DREAMER IN THE SAME MATCH??? My early guess: this match is going to suck. Magnus doesn’t even wait on his partner to get here (can you blame him?) and the fight is on in the aisle.
Now the double brawl is on in the aisle with Dreamer and Young going at it. It’s like my greatest nightmare come to life. Some people are scared of death. Some are scared of their loved ones getting hurt. I’m scared of Eric Young vs. Tommy Dreamer. Thankfully they switch off and start fighting in the ring for the opening bell with Magnus working on the arm…..and of course tagging out to increase the suck.
Bram comes in and gets caught in a spinebuster before Dreamer does a People’s Elbow. Seriously. If Tommy Dreamer is the People’s Champion, I’m defecting to the leeches and rodents. Eric breaks it up and Bram (in his violent pink trunks) hammers away on the floor before putting on a chinlock. Dreamer won’t let Young cover him so the heels tag behind the referee’s back to trade places. At least they were polite enough to make a tag.
Young hooks a chinlock as the announcers talk about what the earlier winners do before they head to the gauntlet. This might be stupid, but it’s better than most of the nonsense I usually have to hear. Dreamer finally hooks an atomic drop and the hot tag brings in Magnus to clean house. Suddenly the match is so much less aneurysm inducing. Young gets thrown to the floor and Dreamer puts on a rooster hat. Well of course he does. Idiot. A fat splash gets two on Bram but Young kicks Tommy low to set up Brighter Side of Suffering from Bram for the pin.
Rating: D. Even though Eric Young sucks and I wouldn’t mind seeing him sacrificed to a pagan crocodile god, he’s much more in his element here with a brawling style and a match that means nothing. I get far more annoyed with him when he’s in the main event and World Title pictures, so throwing him in something like this is more acceptable. Dreamer needs to be thrown into the center of the sun. Maybe his tears about ECW dying can cool things down.
The Wolves enjoy being challenged and Eddie thinks the win was a good sign. That’s some serious insight.
James Storm/Gunner vs. Kenny King/Chris Melendez
Can we get a second match with no screwy booking? It can’t be that hard. Storm and King get things going before it’s quickly off to Gunner, who doesn’t seem to care for Kenny’s antics. They trade leapfrogs until King drop toeholds him down, only to run to the floor from an angry Gunner.
Melendez comes in to face Gunner and they’re nice enough to shake hands. Chris wants Storm but James bails to the floor as the fans tell him he has Herpes. Gunner finally tags out by slapping James in the face. Storm easily takes Melendez down and puts on a Figure Four to really hammer in the evil. If nothing else it proves which leg that hold hurts.
That goes nowhere so Storm and King mock saluting each other, drawing in Gunner to clean house. James tags himself back in but gets cut by some Melendez clotheslines. A tornado DDT gets two on Storm and everything breaks down. Matthews calls King an (uncensored) SOB for a cheap shot to Melendez. Storm sidesteps a horrible spear from Gunner which hits Melendez, giving James the pin.
Rating: D+. This wasn’t much to see but for the love of all things good and holy come up with a new way of booking these things. You can almost guarantee that you’ll have a team who has been together before or a team that is currently feuding, but in this case they doubled up on the lame booking.
Young says he and Bram love having extra opportunities to hurt people. Why not go jump on a pile of chainsaws to hurt yourself then?
Tigre Uno/Manik vs. Sonjay Dutt/Gail Kim
Well that’s certainly different. Feeling out process to start with Sonjay and Tigre trading dropkicks but Manik tags himself in. Sonjay cranks on a wristlock until Manik does a way too complicated flipping escape. Gail comes in and slaps Manik in the mask, only to get shoved down. She avoids a springboard missile dropkick though and does a springboard wristdrag with a headscissors to Tigre as a bonus. Back up and Manik throws her down by the hair but Gail puts on something like AJ’s Black Widow.
Everything breaks down and Manik cleans house to a polite smattering of applause. Manik rolls some suplexes on Sonjay as Matthews talks about being a potential X-Division talent back in the day. I think I’ve heard that before and it’s not the most thrilling idea for the division. Sonjay fights out of a chinlock and sends Manik into the buckle as the announcers discuss Grado. I still don’t get it. Kim comes back in and takes Tigre down with a headscissors, followed by Eat Defeat to both guys. Sonjay adds a top rope splash for the pin on Uno.
Rating: D+. Total spot fest here with no flow, direction or anything unique other than Gail being involved. I like it better than just having your standard match and Kim is more than good enough to hang in there with some guys, but the match was just a bunch of spots by guys that don’t seems like they know how to structure a match.
Lashley/Khoya vs. Abyss/Great Sanada
Well that’s one way to push Lashley. This is the last qualifying match. Lashley and Sanada get things started by trading wristlocks until Lashley plants him with a slam. Khoya won’t tag in though so it’s Lashley vs. Abyss. That’s fine with Lashley as he runs Abyss over as well before hitting a nice suplex for no cover.
Khoya drops to the floor to avoid another tag so Lashley hits a delayed suplex for two on Sanada. Abyss comes back in as the announcers talk about Gail Kim’s love of shoes. We get some stable miscommunication as Abyss hits Khoya by mistake and start slugging it out with Khoya getting the better of it. Both guys grab the other by the throat but Storm tells Khoya to come outside and then go to the back.
So it’s a handicap match now with Abyss splashing Lashley in the corner, followed by Sanada choking with some tape. That doesn’t knock Lashley out because this is wrestling, so Bobby gets up and starts cleaning house with clotheslines. Abyss’ chokeslam is no sold and Lashley spears both guys down for the pin.
Rating: D+. That was different and a good way to get Lashley over, but it’s still not a good match for the most part. On the other hand, the Revolution SUCKS. There are far too many people in it and I have no idea what the point of the team even is at anymore. This was another lame match but that’s almost required at this point.
Gauntlet Match
Basically a Royal Rumble with two minute intervals. Awesome Kong in at #1 and Gail Kim in at #2 for another SHOCKING twist. Gail hammers away in the corner but Kong tosses her down with ease. Some right hands drop Gail again and Kong stands on her hair. Jesse Godderz is in at #3 and offers to let the girls keep fighting. Gail forearms him in the jaw and dropkicks him in the corner, only to be thrown over the top and out to the floor. That earns Godderz a right hand to the ribs but AMAZINGLY, Robbie E. is in at #4.
Kong fights them both off again and no sells Robbie’s chops. The BroMans stand on her hands but Kong goes beast mode to shove them off as Rockstar Spud is in at #5. He cleans house with dropkicks and checks on Kong, who splashes the BroMans in the corner. Spud has to hang on to avoid an elimination but gets thrown to the floor through the ropes. That’s perfect timing as Ethan Carter III is in at #6 and the fight is on in the aisle.
They get back in and Carter sidesteps a charging Spud, sending him into Kong instead. The distraught Spud is eliminated and it’s the BroMans, Carter and Kong. All three guys team up to fail at eliminating her so here’s Gunner at #7. The BroMans double team him down as Kong misses a charge and gets low bridged to the floor for an elimination. Eddie Edwards is in at #8 but the heels triple team him as well. There’s nothing to talk about in this match and Davey Richards is in at #9.
The Wolves start cleaning house with their wide variety of kicks. Carter gets splashed by all three good guys and gets thrown over, only to land on the steps for a save. James Storm is in at #10 to give us Storm, Gunner, Richards, Edwards, Robbie E., Godderz and Carter. Storm is fine with waiting at ringside as Carter begs him for help. That story lasts all of ten seconds before Storm gets in and adds to the incredible levels of dullness in this match.
Sonjay Dutt is in at #11 and is quickly Last Called and dumped. That’s probably good as he might have sped things up and gotten them interesting. Gunner gets a Last Call for an elimination as well. Crazzy Steve, still in Carter’s trunks, is in at #12 and tries to dump Carter until Storm makes the save. Eddie pulls Storm’s shirt over his face and chops away as Khoya is in at #13. We’ve got Khoya, Storm, Richards, Edwards, Carter, Steve, Robbie E. and Godderz at the moment.
Steve bites Carters fingers to send him to the steps again but Carter has some Kofi in him and makes a save. Bram is in at #14 and takes his time to stay away from the ring. That goes nowhere so Lashley is in at #15 to eliminate both BroMans and Khoya in short order. Storm chokes Lashley in the corner to slow him down and Eric Young is in at #16. No wonder this match sucks. Eric Young is the grand finale. The final group is Young, Steve, Lashley, Carter, Storm, Edwards, Richards and Bram.
Young piledrives Steve for an easy elimination and the Wolves clothesline Bram to the floor. The Wolves get rid of Storm as well but Young and Gunner dump both of them, leaving us with Lashley, Carter and Young. Bobby clotheslines both of them at once but Carter saves his makeshift partner. A double suplex makes Lashley look strong again but they send him to the apron for more stomping. That goes badly as well as Lashley low bridges Young out, leaving him with Carter. The 1%er is easily countered and Lashley nails a spear for the elimination, FINALLY ending this.
Rating: D-. The wrestlers clearly didn’t want to be in there and much like everything else tonight, it went so fast that they didn’t have time to develop anything. This match felt like it went on forever and you knew Lashley was winning (ok maybe Carter could have won it again) pretty much the second his music hit. It’s more boring than bad but that’s not really a big improvement.
Lashley gets the check and a three and a half minute highlight package takes us out.
Overall Rating: D. I had some slightly elevated hopes for the new commentary team, but they couldn’t save this. They’re light years better than Taz and Tenay and made the show a lot easier to sit through, but it doesn’t make what you’re watching really dull. This was two hours of goofy booking instead of just throwing out random pairings and making it a bit more interesting before a REALLY boring main event. It’s a one idea show and that idea is done in about the first half hour. The lack of effort really shows in these things and they lose their charm way too fast, including on this one.
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Impact Wrestling – March 6, 2015: Stop. Before It Gets Bad.
Impact Wrestling Date: March 6, 2015
Location: Manchester Arena, Manchester, England
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Taz
Coming out of last week, we seem to not have a #1 contender. Lashley successfully defended the title against MVP, though the match featured a lot of interference. Other than that we have the continuing stories of Mr. Anderson/Spud/Mandrews vs. Tyrus/EC3, which has gone from a comedy feud to one of the more entertaining feuds in the company. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s main event with the Beat Down Clan getting close to taking the World Title from Lashley but Gunner and Drew Galloway made things even enough for Lashley to retain the belt.
Tonight it’s Bobby Roode vs. Kurt Angle vs. Eric Young for the #1 contendership.
Here’s the Beat Down Clan to get things going. Kenny King doesn’t want this Drew Galloway situation to get any further out of control. Drew is known as the Chosen One, but he choose to interfere in BDC business. I thought he was known as rhythm guitarist for some band with three guys. So now, it’s time for the BDC to choose what part of Drew they’re going to hurt.
MVP says this is Beat Down Clan business that was a year in the making. He arrived just over a year ago to become the World Champion but Drew got in the way. MVP is reasonable though and is willing to let Drew come out here and apologize. Galloway shows up in the crowd and says he’s at home right now. He came to the ring last week to stop MVP from stealing the title. He’s surrounded by wrestling fans, not sports entertainment fans.
Drew is here to give the fans a voice and asks some fans their names. Those are the people the BDC is screwing with and that isn’t going to fly. King says they demand retribution and threatens Galloway’s family if he doesn’t get in the ring tonight. Drew wants King one on one so King agrees to send his brothers to the back.
Drew Galloway vs. Kenny King
Both guys are in street clothes. King enziguris him down and MVP comes in for a few stomps. That’s not a DQ due to reasons not explained but Galloway comes back with knees in the corner and a snap suplex. King bails to the floor but Drew is fine with beating him up outside as well. He drops King over the barricade but King gets in some shots to the ribs to take over. A tilt-a-whirl slam onto the apron has King in even more trouble as this has barely been a match so far.
Back in and King drops him ribs first over the ropes and we hit the chinlock. An overhead belly to belly gets two for Kenny but Drew gets all fired up. He gets two off a top rope clothesline but King breaks up the Future Shock (snap double arm DDT). They need to go home already because this is getting bad. King hits a quick springboard Blockbuster for two more and frustration is setting in. He loads up a backslide of all things but gets countered into the Future Shock to give Galloway the pin at 6:25.
Rating: D. I really wasn’t feeling this one as they were just trading spots for a few minutes with no flow or structure to the match. Galloway is talented in the ring but having a big guy as the hero is always kind of awkward, especially when he’s in there against someone not very big. Not a good debut but at least Galloway won.
The BDC chases Drew off post match.
Here’s Roode to talk about the three way tonight. He promises to take out Young and get the title shot in one match. No one can stand in his way, but here’s Angle to disagree. He comes down to the ring but Eric Young sneaks in to go after Roode. Angle pulls him off and gets in a fight with Young, only to have Roode clear the ring.
Video on Awesome Kong vs. Taryn Terrell for the Knockouts Title later tonight.
James Storm talks to Bram about joining the Revolution and asks him to take out Matt Hardy later tonight. Bram seems intrigued.
Before we go to a break, we get a video on the winner of tonight’s triple threat facing Lashley for the title in two weeks. They say his name over and over, show his picture, and show him winning the triple threat. I’ll avoid spoilers, but my goodness TNA, cut this nonsense out.
Video on Kurt Angle.
Matt Hardy vs. Bram
The bell never rings before they start fighting in the corner. Matt avoids a charge and hits the clothesline and running bulldog, followed by a second clothesline to send Bram outside. The brawling favors Bram of course and he takes over by driving Matt into the apron. Back in and some right hands set up a chinlock. Matt fights up and scores with a Side Effect, followed by a moonsault to the legs for two. Bram shoves the referee away though, setting up a low blow and the Brighter Side of Suffering (inverted DDT) for the pin at 4:15.
Rating: D+. Just a quick brawl here but Bram joining the Revolution could be interesting. That being said, they need to actually do something with the team before it gets stale by just sitting there. This wasn’t much of a match though and I’m not wild on another DDT finisher from someone out of the UK.
Bram gets his wrench but Magnus runs down for the save. When Bram left him laying in an alley, Magnus had two choices: go home and hide, or be the kind of man that his son could be proud of. It’s personal now, and Magnus is going to make Bram’s blood stain the holy ground of England.
Spud promises Anderson that he’ll finish things with Ethan Carter III tonight.
Galloway says he’s tired of the Beat Down Clan dominating the show and he isn’t going to stand for it. He has an army in his corner and it begins tonight.
Recap of Spud vs. Carter.
Here’s Spud in a Union Jack flag to thank the fans for getting him through all these problems. Everything has to end though, so he’d like Ethan Carter III to come out here right now, face to face. That’s exactly what he gets with Carter in a suit of his own. Spud wants to end this man against man but Carter goes into his usual speech about his accomplishments.
That’s not what Spud wants to hear though as he tells Carter to shut up. Of course Spud knows everything about Ethan’s career because he was there with Carter every step of the way. If that’s so important to him, fight Spud one on one so he can end Carter’s streak. Carter agrees, provided that Spud puts up his hair. Spud agrees, but thinks Carter’s hair should be on the line too.
Ethan bends down to look Spud in the eye and says challenge accepted, but just remember one thing: in this world, the bad guys win. Carter goes to leave but Spud brings up all the times Carter told him he was a lion or a gazelle. Well he isn’t any of those things, because he’s a man. As usual, this is the best feud TNA has had in months if not years. I can’t believe I’m saying it but my goodness it’s awesome.
Eric Young video.
Knockouts Title: Awesome Kong vs. Taryn Terrell
Taryn is defending and goes right at Kong, only to bounce off the monster and hit the mat. Kong keeps pounding away and slams the champ down, only to miss a charge in the corner. Some right hands stun Kong for a few moments but the Taryn Cutter is shrugged off. The second attempt goes just as well but Kong shoves the referee away for the DQ at 4:15.
Rating: D. This was angle advancement instead of a match and that’s fine. They were clearly setting up the big showdown later on, but this protected Kong at the same time. The problem with someone like Kong is you have to either give her the title or beat her and end her credibility. It’s hard to grade this as a match though as it was basically a squash until the storyline ending.
Taryn gets beaten up post match but Gail Kim runs out for the save.
Video on Davey Richards turning down the Revolution’s offer to join, setting up a rivalry between the teams.
Bobby Roode video.
Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. Abyss/James Storm
The Wolves are challenging but get jumped by the rest of the Revolution during their entrance. We get the opening bell and everyone brawls in the ring with the Wolves sending Storm into Abyss and making the monster DDT his leader. I really, really hate that spot. Things settle down to Abyss hammering Richards down but missing a splash. Manik pulls Edwards down to the floor to break up the hot tag though and it’s off to Storm.
The Revolution tries to double team but Richards crawls between Storm’s legs for the hot tag to Edwards. Eddie starts cleaning house but eats a Backstabber and the Eye of the Storm for two. Cue Matt Hardy to stare at the rest of the Revolution, allowing Eddie to grab an O’Connor Roll for two. Storm grabs a jumping neckbreaker and tags in Abyss, only to have him get sent to the floor.
The Wolves hit three straight double dives to take out everyone not named Storm but Edwards kicks him down. Manik and Sanada sneak in but Sanada mists Manik by mistakes. Abyss tries to bring in the cowbell but Matt comes in with a Twist of Fate, setting up the top rope stomps from the Wolves (dubbed the Hammer of the Gods) for the pin at 8:15.
Rating: C-. Good night this was a mess and I was losing track of everything by the end. TNA really needs to cut down on the mass carnage and interference in their matches because this isn’t making things any better. The Wolves winning is fine, but three things: who do they defend against, what is the point of the Revolution at this point, and HOW BLIND IS THE REFEREE??? You had all that interference, a cowbell and MIST but he never calls a DQ? Really?
Post break, Matt endorses the new champs.
Spud vs. Carter in the hair vs. hair match is next week in London. Magnus vs. Bram as well.
Eric Young vs. Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode
One fall to a finish and the winner gets a title shot in two weeks. More on that later. For the third of five matches tonight, we have a brawl before the bell with Roode and Young beating each other up on the floor. Roode sends Young into the aisle before coming back in for a suplex from Angle. Eric gets back in and tries to German suplex Roode but Bobby grabs the referee. Instead it’s a neckbreaker to put Roode down as Angle is sent to the floor.
Young stays in control but gets small packaged for two, only to take Roode’s head off with a clothesline. A superplex on Roode is turned into a Tower of Doom with Angle powerbombing both guys down. Angle rolls a ridiculous ten Germans on Young but Roode counters the Angle Slam into the crossforehead. That’s countered into the ankle lock (probably because it wasn’t pulling back on Angle) but Roode rolls through into a crosseyes.
Young makes the save but takes the spinebuster from Roode, who gets Angle Slammed for two. There go the straps and Angle puts Young in the ankle lock but Eric makes the ropes. Angle rolls through the Roode Bomb into another ankle lock, only to have Roode roll through and bump the referee. Young hits Roode in the head with a chair, only to have Angle kick him down and hit the Slam on Roode for the title shot at 8:41.
Rating: C-. There were some major issues with this match. First and foremost was Eric Young, because he sucks. He makes things that shouldn’t possibly suck suck. Like an air pump that blows air into things. Eric Young could make it suck. You put Eric Young’s face on the New England Patriots’ jerseys? They suck.
Eric Young is appearing at a frat house and giving away free beer? The frat boys would go to church and drink orange juice instead because Eric Young sucks. Eric Young sucks. He sucks on trains, he sucks on cars, he probably sucks on orange flavored popsicles. Why would he do that? Because orange flavored popsicles suck, just like Eric Young.
So yeah, Eric Young sucks. Other than that though, this match needed to go longer to live up to the hype this match had been given in the show. It’s another short match that didn’t have the time to get anywhere because TNA has to pack everything they can into a single show and fit in all their promos that don’t advance anything.
There’s one last thing that held this match back though: TNA spoiled the ending. Yeah, earlier in the night there was a preview for the March 20 show. Here’s a paraphrased version of the audio. “KURT ANGLE has battled back to the top of TNA (with a clip of Angle pinning Roode) and is now the top contender to the World Title. On March 20, Angle will challenge TNA World Champion Bobby Lashley. Don’t miss this huge clash.”
So all that drama that they could squeeze in to the less than nine minutes they could give this match? Totally worthless, as they had given away the ending already. They did this a few weeks back when Lashley was in Lethal Lockdown. This is something they REALLY need to work on. You could easily have switched the audio to “WHO WON???” and the problem is solved. But it’s TNA, where the most basic things are difficult but having an entertaining show is becoming more common.
Lashley comes out for a staredown to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. This show was the end of the run of really good shows but it was still good. Here’s the thing TNA still has over Raw at the moment: they set stuff up, give it a good build, then mostly deliver on it (after spoiling it half the time). WWE is the opposite as they have a bad build but the payoff is usually good. They need to slow things down though and let some of the matches stretch out. That’s making the shows feel like Attitude Era episodes: they go by so fast that I can’t tell if it was good or not.
The other major issue here is the lack of a focus. So Galloway is now feuding with the entire BDC, the Revolution is….I think feuding with the Hardys and Wolves, Bram might be joining the Revolution and is feuding with Magnus, and we’re getting Roode vs. Young again because they’ve been feuding so now they keep feuding? There’s good stuff in TNA right now, but they feel like they’re holding things together with some strong duct tape. That’s only going to last so long and this episode showed some cracks.
Results
Drew Galloway b. Kenny King – Future Shock
Bram b. Matt Hardy – Brighter Side of Suffering
Taryn Terrell b. Awesome Kong via DQ when Kong shoved the referee
Wolves b. Abyss/James Storm – Hammer of the Gods to Abyss
Kurt Angle b. Bobby Roode and Eric Young – Angle Slam to Roode
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at: