A show I’ve seen a lot and my goodness I have no idea why.

 

Bash at the Beach 1996
Date: July 7, 1996
Location: Ocean Center, Daytona Beach, Florida
Attendance: 8,300
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone, Dusty Rhodes

This is one of the first non-WWE reviews I ever did so it is LONG overdue for a second try. I’m pretty sure you know this one, as it is built around the question of who is the third man. The Outsiders arrived about a month and a half ago and are now ready for their first match, but they need a partner. Now who is that going to be? Let’s get to it.

I do miss the WCW Home Video “And now, our feature presentation” graphic like it’s a Disney movie.

The opening video looks at the Hostile Takeover, which is the only thing that matters whatsoever.

Commentary welcomes us to the show with Dusty wanting the six man tag on first. Fair enough idea actually.

Psychosis vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

Mike Tenay joins commentary, thank goodness. Rey’s offer of a handshake earns him a slap in the face as Tenay talks about these two training at the same camp and hating each other as a result. They go to the mat with Psychosis slipping out of a cross armbreaker attempt but getting pulled into a leglock. That’s broken up as well as Tenay talks about how big lucha libre is in Mexico.

The pace picks up a bit with Rey getting headscissored to the floor, setting up the big suicide dive. Back in and a legdrop gives Psychosis two and the chinlock goes on. With that being a bit too boring, Psychosis hits a guillotine legdrop (his future finisher) for two and a running clothesline drops Rey again, setting up a fire four necklock. That’s broken up so they head to the apron with Rey launching him into the post. A running flying headscissors (Tenay: “They call it a hurricanrana!”) has Psychosis in more trouble and it’s back inside for Rey to work on the leg.

A kneebar sends Psychosis to the rope but he is fine enough to send Rey throat first onto the top. They head outside with Rey getting dropped onto the barricade, setting up a top rope backsplash to the floor (dang). Back in and an enziguri gives Psychosis two as Heenan wants to know where Tenay learns all of these names. Rey cartwheels up into a hurricanrana to the apron, setting up the top rope hurricanrana out to the floor in a huge crash.

Back in and a springboard moonsault gives Rey two more and a springboard missile dropkick sends Psychosis head first to the floor. The springboard spinning moonsault hits Psychosis again, but Rey’s knee bangs into the barricade. Back in and Rey’s springboard hurricanrana is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two more. Rey gets sent stomach first into the buckle and Psychosis loads up a super Razor’s Edge, which is countered into a super hurricanrana (Splash Mountain) for the pin at 14:22.

Rating: B. This took some time to get going but then it was all action with these two flying around like crazy. Rey snapping off hurricanranas all over the place to the point where only Tenay could keep up with them was great stuff. The other thing to remember is that this is 1996, when this kind of thing was unheard of on this kind of stage outside of about three people. Awesome opener and a heck of a match.

After explaining what we just saw, Konnan says he isn’t worried about facing Ric Flair tonight. Konnan hasn’t had time to develop any allies but he’ll take out all of Flair’s friends, including the women, to keep his US Title.

Big Bubba vs. John Tenta

This would be Big Boss Man (with Jimmy Hart) vs. Earthquake (who has had half of his head shaved to set this up) in a bag of silver dollars on a pole match, because that’s how WCW worked at this point. Bubba runs away to start but runs back in to get elbowed in the face. Tenta goes up but gets belly to back superplexed down for the huge crash. Now it’s Bubba’s turn to climb, earning himself a crotching. Tenta gets smart by trying to take the pole down, only to get whipped by Bubba’s belt.

Bubba tapes him to the middle rope and unloads with the belt to keep him down. For some reason Bubba only tapes one arm before going to cut more of the hair. That means a low blow to Bubba so Tenta can steal the scissors and cut himself free. Bubba is right back up with a spinebuster as Hart climbs the pole to get the bag (which is REALLY high). Tenta gets in a powerslam though and is right there to take the bag from Hart. One good shot to Bubba gives Tenta the win at 9:00.

Rating: D. Well this wasn’t exactly the same as the opener. I’m not sure why WCW would think that fans would want to cheer for an over the hill Earthquake just after he was the Shark, but I’ll assume “because WCW”. The match tried to have a few different things going on at once and most of them didn’t work, which you probably could have guessed.

Lex Luger, Sting and Randy Savage, all in face paint, are ready for the Outsiders and are all ready because they all have goosebumps.

Lord Of The Ring: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Jim Duggan

Page, defending in a taped fist match, has undergone a career renaissance in recent months, going from rich to poor to winning Battlebowl to losing the title shot which came with it to a lot closer to what you remember him as being. Duggan sends him outside in a hurry but gets shouldered in the ribs for his efforts. A neck snap across the top takes Duggan down again and Page tapes his legs around the post.

Referee Nick Patrick unhooks it though, making that a bit of a waste of time. Duggan is right back to knock Page into the ropes and out to the floor, setting up a suplex back in. Another suplex is blocked though and Page takes him down by the arm. Page goes up top but gets crotched (Dusty: “SOMEBODY CALL THE FAMILY!!!”) and Duggan starts hammering away again. They go outside but Page kicks the ropes on the way back in, setting up the Diamond Cutter for the pin at 5:57.

Rating: D. This didn’t work in the slightest and I’m not at all surprised. Page was on his way up but he still had a long way to go before he meant anything. You could see the effort there though and that is a great thing to see. Duggan….dang it he can be hard to like in WCW at this point, but it’s hard to not like someone who could be that goofy.

Post match Duggan is right up to wrap tape around his fist and knock Page silly.

The Dungeon of Doom is ready for the Horsemen, with Kevin Sullivan being ready to show that he is not the weak link. Giant, the World Champion, is ready to crush everyone in front of him. Gene Okerlund thinks Jimmy Hart needs to brush his teeth.

Arn Anderson wants to see what happens to the Outsiders, even though he is not a fan of Sting/Lex Luger/Randy Savage. As for tonight, he is ready to win the tag match and get a World Title shot to bring it back to the Horsemen. Chris Benoit is ready to leave Kevin Sullivan for dead.

Public Enemy vs. Nasty Boys

Double Dog Collar match and dang it I forgot how annoyingly catchy Public Enemy’s theme is. During the Boys’ entrance, Tony points out that they have a large variety of matches on this show and he is absolutely right. That’s something a lot of other promotions could learn from, even if they won’t. Johnny Grunge and Brian Knobbs are chained together and fight to the floor, with Jerry Sags and Rocco Rock following in a hurry.

It’s time for a trashcan (complete with trash for some bonus points) and thankfully we go split screen. Knobbs and Grunge fight up to the beach set, featuring Grunge being beaten with a rubber shark. Sags hits Rock with a surfboard (Tony: “You can do much more with a surfboard than with a rubber shark.”) but Rock climbs a lifeguard stand to flip down onto him. Rock sends Sags through the stand but he is back up to grab a table. Said table is thrown at Rock as we go single screen since they are all together.

A piledriver in the aisle gives Sags two with Grunge making the save. Grunge fights off of the table but gets hit in the head for his efforts. Sags is put through the table for two and it is time for everyone to head back to the ring. Rock sets up another table and goes up but Sags pulls him onto the table, which does not break as Rock bounces off. Sags wraps the chain around his arm and drops an elbow on Rock onto the table….which still doesn’t break. Grunge gets hung with the chain and Rock is sent into the stretched chain for the pin at 11:37.

Rating: D+. Your individual tastes may vary here but my goodness I miss those themed sets. There was sand, a lifeguard chair, a boardwalk and of course the rubber shark. Those things add so much to a show like this and that was certainly the case here. Do something like that and make the show feel special, as it isn’t like you see this very often anywhere these days.

Post match the brawl stays on with Sags being knocked off the apron and through the toughest table of all time.

We aren’t sure where Eric Bischoff is (he didn’t show up for the pre-show) and Gene Okerlund talks about all of the tension backstage. Ignore the Cruiserweight Title match graphic popping up as he talks.

Cruiserweight Title: Disco Inferno vs. Dean Malenko

Disco, in a lot of orange and carrying a gold record, is challenging and promises to dance after he wins the title. Malenko starts fast and knocks him to the floor for a whip into the barricade. A posting puts Disco down again and the leg lariat gives Malenko two back inside. We’re already off to the Figure Four necklock as this is one sided so far. A belly to back suplex drops Disco again and we hit the kneebar.

Malenko lets that go and dropkicks him in the back of the head, setting up an STF. With that broken up, Malenko grabs a sunset flip out of the corner for two. Disco manages to slug away in the corner though and grabs a Stroke for two of his own. They go outside again though and Disco is sent hard into the barricade. Back in and a double armbar goes on as Tony has to explain what it means to “thwart” something.

Disco stretches rather far with his feet to escape again and elbows Malenko down in the corner. The middle rope ax handle sets up a neckbreaker for a slightly delayed two. A swinging neckbreaker lets Disco dance for a second before covering for two more. Malenko catches him with a springboard dropkick but the Texas Cloverleaf is countered into a small package for another near fall. A backslide doesn’t work and Malenko has had it, meaning it’s a tiger bomb into the Cloverleaf to retain at 12:08.

Rating: C+. I think you can call this one a shocking near miracle as Disco was a complete goon most of the time but he was working here and almost pulled off a miracle. He was a good bit away from meaning anything, but at least he put in a heck of a performance here. Malenko was his usual good self and the perfect person to help make Disco look better.

Joe Gomez vs. Steve McMichael

McMichael (Mongo, with Debra, with her dog) is still new to the wrestling thing but this is a weird choice for a pay per view match. Some chops have Gomez in trouble but a backslide gives him two. Gomez manages to send him into the corner but Mongo gets the most obvious low blow imaginable (there was no way the referee didn’t see that). The beating is on with Mongo ramming him into the buckle and grabbing a reverse chinlock (Mongo: “NOW I GOT HIM!”).

The sleeper goes on but Gomez jawbreaks his way to freedom. A neckbreaker gives Mongo two but the Figure Four is countered into a small package for the same. Mongo’s powerbomb is countered with a backdrop and they screw up a sunset flip to give Gomez two more. Mongo has finally had it with this and hits his Tombstone (the one move he could do well) for the pin at 6:37 (ignore Gomez’s foot under the rope).

Rating: D. It’s only that high because of Mongo’s lack of experience but there were more problems than just that. The match was WAY more competitive than it should have been and made Gomez look like a bigger deal than Mongo. Throw in how sloppy it was (again, understandable) and the fact that this was actually on pay per view instead of on Nitro (with half the time) and this was a near disaster.

Ric Flair, with Woman and Elizabeth, says you can never have enough trophies in your career and it’s time to win the US Title. Then the Horsemen can win the tag match so Flair can win the World Title tomorrow and you know what that means: LA CUCARACHA! Then they can have a private party, with Woman being rather interested in having Gene Okerlund there. That was always a weird deal, but Woman made it work.

US Title: Konnan vs. Ric Flair

Flair, with Woman and Elizabeth, is challenging. We actually get a handshake to start until Flair takes him into the corner for a WOO. Konnan headlocks him down but they’re right back up, with Konnan hitting a dropkick. A slap to the face rocks Flair and another headlock takeover has him in trouble. Of note: Dusty says he has been in the ring with Konnan, which is something I need to see.

The surfboard goes on to make Flair scream again and Konnan kicks him in the back to make it even worse. There’s a gorilla press and it’s time for Flair to take a breather on the floor. Konnan clotheslines him off the apron but a Woman distraction lets Flair take over for the first time. Back in and Flair pokes him in the eye so the referee yells, allowing Woman to come in for a low blow. Now it’s Elizabeth offering a distraction so Flair can throw Konnan over the top (with Woman pulling the rope down).

Back in and the chinlock goes on but Konnan fights up and hammers away in the corner. A triangle dropkick puts Flair on the floor and it’s time to beg off back inside. Flair punches his way out of a sunset flip but the Figure Four is countered into a small package. Now Konnan gets his own Figure Four, drawing more Flair screaming. Flair grabs the rope and scores with a suplex, only to get slammed off the top (the classics never die).

The rolling clothesline gives Konnan two and there’s the abdominal stretch rollup for the same. That’s enough to draw Elizabeth onto the apron for a distraction, allowing Woman to hit Konnan in the head with the high heel. Flair covers (with feet on the ropes because he’s a villain) to win the title (for the first time since 1980 and the sixth time overall, still a record) at 15:35.

Rating: B-. I was expecting a styles clash here but they had a pretty good match with Flair knowing how to get the most out of just about anyone. The women cheating to make it easier for Flair is a classic story that will always work and Konnan looks strong in defeat. Rather nice surprise here and that’s always a good thing to see.

The third man has gone into the Outsiders’ dressing room but Gene can’t make out his voice. He knows he has heard it before but he just can’t place it. For some reason he doesn’t ask any of the four security guards, instead asking Tony Schiavone who he thinks it might be. Bobby Heenan suggests asking the guards (or even bribing them) but Gene stops himself because he doesn’t want to get caught up in one of Heenan’s schemes. This has been your latest example of WCW announcers being REALLY STUPID.

Chris Benoit/Arn Anderson vs. Giant/Kevin Sullivan

If Benoit/Anderson win in any way, a Horseman gets a World Title shot tomorrow. The fight is on in the aisle and here is Mongo with his briefcase to jump Giant. The chase is on, leaving Sullivan here on his own….for about three seconds. Sullivan punches his way out of Anderson’s wristlock and it’s time to scrap with Benoit, as tends to be their nature. Anderson comes back in for a knee that looked a bit low, allowing Benoit to take Sullivan outside for a ram into the barricade.

Back in and the double teaming continues, as the Horsemen know they’re done if Giant gets the tag. Anderson misses a charge into the post but Benoit makes the save and hits a running elbow in the corner. Giant makes the save but Anderson grabs the abdominal stretch to keep Sullivan in trouble.

It’s time to work on Sullivan’s leg as I try to get my mind around the idea of Sullivan fighting for a hot tag. Sullivan manages to catapult Anderson into the corner to crotch Benoit and there’s the tag to Giant. Benoit and Sullivan fight into the aisle and then the announcers’ area, leaving Anderson to get chokeslammed for the pin at 7:50.

Rating: C. It was much more of an angle than a match but there was certainly a good story being told. The idea that the Horsemen knew they were in trouble against the Giant meant that they had to keep Sullivan down made sense, as did Giant wrecking things as soon as he came in. Giant was rapidly improving at this point and you could see that he was getting the hang of things in a hurry.

Post match Benoit dives off of the set onto Sullivan as the beating continues. They had back to the ring (after Giant made a rather fast exit) with Benoit wrecking Sullivan. Cue Woman to call him off but the Giant makes the real save. Giant carries the out cold Sullivan off.

Long video on the Hostile Takeover, which really did feel like the biggest thing to happen in a VERY long time. The Outsiders kept appearing and even powerbombed Eric Bischoff off the stage at the Great American Bash. The idea was to present the team as….well as outsiders, and they made you believe that these guys were here to wreck things. I didn’t know what exactly was going on, but I knew it was great. They set this up to perfection and even at eight years old, I needed to know who the third man was going to be.

Outsiders/??? vs. Sting/Lex Luger/Randy Savage

The Outsiders, coming to the ring to some generic music (probably for the only time ever in a bit of trivia that no one ever wondered about), have no third man to crank the drama up even higher. Before Team WCW comes out, here is Gene Okerlund to ask the Outsiders what is up. They confirm that the third man is here but they can handle it themselves for now. Tony: “THEN COME OUT HERE AND KICK THEIR TEETH IN RIGHT NOW!!!” Team WCW is all painted up together for a nice touch.

Luger starts with….the yet to be named Scott Hall (“This Outsider” according to Tony) and takes him into the corner where Sting tries a Stinger Splash. That crushes Luger in the corner and he’s out cold, meaning he is being stretchered out (Now THAT is a great red herring!). Hall goes extra evil by stomping away while Luger is on the stretcher and Tony bothers to name (at least last name) the Outsiders. Sting hammers Hall down in the corner and the fans are WAY into this.

Savage comes in but gets punched out of the air, allowing Nash to get in a shot of his own. Hall gets knocked into the corner though and Nash comes in legally for the first time. Savage unloads in the corner but gets knocked down without much effort. The jumping elbow…I think misses, even though it made contact. Sting comes in and gets elbowed in the corner, setting up the boot choke. Tony brings up the question of why no one has come out to take Luger’s place, which I believe qualifies for a “because WCW”.

It’s back to Hall for the fall away slam and Nash adds the big boot. Sting gets in a shot to Nash’s ribs and a small package gets one on Hall. That’s not enough to bring Savage back in though and Hall grabs the abdominal stretch (and Nash’s hand to make it worse). Nash comes in for his own abdominal stretch, setting up Hall’s sleeper. With that not working, the big side slam gives Nash two but Sting strikes away. The diving tag brings Savage back in and commentary/the crowd is right back into it.

Everything breaks down and Nash gets in a low blow on Savage. Things are looking bleak….and here is Hulk Hogan. Heenan gets in the famous “BUT WHOSE SIDE IS HE ON”, which is still perfect for Heenan and not a spoiler like some have suggested. Hogan clears the ring, turns around, and drops the leg on Savage, revealing himself as the third man. We’ll call it a no contest at 16:52.

Rating: C-. This is just for the match and ignoring the ending. They had to take someone out of the match for the sake of keeping it 2-2, as putting the Outsiders at a disadvantage would mess everything up. The best thing about this is that Hall and Nash can wrestle a good match with anyone and it isn’t like the two of them vs. Sting/Savage was going to be bad. It was a bit dull at parts, but this is a case where 95% of the match means absolutely nothing and that is perfectly fine. The ending was all that mattered here and it worked better than anyone could have dreamed.

Post match we get some more legdrops, allowing Hall to count a pin on Savage. Hulk N Pals clear the ring, including kicking Sting to the floor. Commentary freaks out with some great lines, including Tony thinking this was all planned back in 1994 when Hogan debuted (not true of course, but absolutely something that would fit if they wanted to go that way).

Gene Okerlund gets in the ring for the famous interview, with Hogan telling the fans they need to shut up if they want to hear what he has to say. Hogan talks about how these two came from an organization up north and no one knows more about it than him. He became bigger than the organization and then Ted Turner promised him everything he could want. Well now Hogan is bored, so he wants these two as his friends because they are the new blood of wrestling.

They are going to destroy everything in their path and all the trash in the ring represents the fans. For two years, Hogan did everything for the charities and the kids, but then the fans booed him. Well those fans can stick it, because they wouldn’t be here without him and Eric Bischoff would still be selling meat from a truck in Minneapolis. Hogan: “I was selling out the world while they were bumming gas to put in their car to go to high school.” The New World Organization is running wrestling and whatcha gonna do? Tony signs off, saying Hogan can “Go to h***. Straight to h***.”

Where do you even begin? The first thing is that they actually did it. They actually turned Hulk Hogan, the biggest face in his generation heel. That’s hard to fathom but they did it. Not only did they do it, but they absolutely nailed it, as the fans were stunned by what they saw and responded accordingly. This absolutely holds up and it did exactly what it needed to do, as Hogan is completely fresh and WCW has their hottest angle…..ever.

As for what Hogan said, I don’t think you can argue with it hitting the right chords. Hogan acknowledging that he was booed by the fans and not really knowing how to handle it fits the whole thing perfectly as Hogan always was an egomaniac but could get away with it because the people loved him so much. Much like Austin joining the Alliance in 2001, I’m not sure I get the idea of turning on WCW and thereby fighting the same people you’ve been fighting before as a change of pace, I’d call that minor at best.

This is one of those moments in wrestling and it has absolutely deserved that right. You can’t praise it enough and you certainly can’t argue with how it went immediately thereafter. Hogan absolutely needed this turn to save his career, because the last year and a half had been so bad with him being pushed so hard. It opened up a new world, it was a great promo and it took me a few weeks to comprehend what happened as a kid. To say this holds up would be an understatement and it deserves all the praise that it gets.

Overall Rating: C-. Ignoring the huge main event angle, this was the usual up and down WCW show. You had the talented people turning in good matches but the lower half was its usual drek. That being said, WCW absolutely needed this show and it was absolutely the turning point for the company. As Vince McMahon said after Austin won the title, nothing that happened before tonight matters anymore and everything starts now. Not a great show, but the one point that matters worked very, very well.

 

 

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Bash at the Beach 1995
Date: July 16, 1995
Location: Huntington Beach, California
Attendance: 9,500
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

This is a pretty unique show as it is literally on a beach (and bashing is implied). The wrestling might be hit or miss, but it’s one of the coolest visuals you’ll see and that’s the kind of thing that WWE never does these days. Mixing things up a lot can help and when you have a double main event of Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan defending the World Title against Vader in a cage, we should be fine in the first place. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at the main events, while also serving as a Slim Jim commercial.

Video on Meng, who has quite the match on this show as well. Meng is ready to destroy anyone in front of him to defend his honor.

Sting is all fired up to be in his hometown and his parents are in the front row. That’s a death sentence in the WWF but maybe he can survive here.

US Title: Sting vs. Meng

Sting is defending in a rematch from Great American Bash when he beat Meng in a tournament final to become champion. Meng has Colonel Robert Parker with him. Sting has to avoid the strikes to start and drives him into the corner with a test of strength. With that not working so well, they slug it out until Meng yells at him. Meng powers him into the corner and fires off some shoulders to the ribs. Choking ensues to put Sting down and a legdrop gets two.

Back up and they fight over a suplex as they’re in a cross between first and second gear. A shot to the face just annoys Meng and you can see the reality setting in for Sting. Meng knocks him down again but misses the middle rope splash, meaning it’s time for the early Scorpion Deathlock attempt. Sting actually gets it over but Parker’s distraction breaks it up because, as usual, Sting is really stupid.

The distraction lets Meng hit some backbreakers, followed by a knee in the back while pulling on the legs. That’s switched into the abdominal stretch but Sting fights up and gets two off a sunset flip. A double knockdown gives us a bit of a breather until Meng grabs something like a Boston crab. Heenan: “But we’re not near Boston so it’s just a crab.”

Sting makes the rope and comes back with a belly to back suplex to start the comeback. A chop block into a Thesz press gets two, followed by a middle rope spinning crossbody for the same. The Stinger Splash is kicked out of the air though and Meng hits the middle rope splash for two. Back up and Meng misses a running kick to the face, allowing Sting to grab a quick rollup for the pin at 15:31.

Rating: C. Sting knows how to fight a monster and that’s what he had going on here. It wasn’t exactly a great match and I’m not sure how much drama there was over the idea of Meng winning the title, but Sting slaying a monster is going to work every time. It’s almost weird to see Sting as a midcard guy, but he’s going to bring credibility to the title and that’s a good idea.

Post match Meng jumps him again but here’s Road Warrior Hawk for the save as Tony and Bobby argue about the speed of the count.

Jimmy Hart says every wrestling magazine is talking about the Renegade (No Jimmy, they’re not. For those of you lucky enough to not remember, Renegade was as blatant of a ripoff character as you could get, looking and moving like the Ultimate Warrior, with Hulk Hogan even calling him the ULTIMATE surprise when he debuted. The problem was he made Warrior look like Lou Thesz, turning it into one of the more infamously terrible WCW ideas, if that is possible.), who says Hart has programmed him to terminate on sight. Gene Okerlund thinks the California heat has gotten to them.

TV Title: Paul Orndorff vs. Renegade

Renegade is defending and they start fast with Orndorff knocking him down early. A knee to the ribs sets up a knee to the face but Orndorff stops to yell at Hart. That means Renegade can get a boot up to stop Orndoff coming off the top (with the sole purpose of diving into a raised boot) and hit a clothesline to the floor. Tony says that could get some sand on Orndorff’s skin, with Heenan saying it could also break his ankle. These two have very different perspectives on injury risks.

Renegade pulls him back in by the head and then drops Orndorff face first on the mat. We hit the headlock and even that looks awkward, as Renegade just does not look comfortable out there. A running dropkick sends Orndorff outside again and this time it’s a handful of sand to blind Renegade. Some shots to the face keep Renegade in trouble and Orndorff hits hits own dropkick (Tony: “And that was a good one fans.”).

The piledriver is broken up with a backdrop though and the comeback is on, including another awful dropkick. There’s a powerslam but Renegade isn’t sure what to do next so Orndorff throws him outside instead. Back in and Renegade reverses a belly to back suplex into one of his own for the pin to retain at 6:08. Orndorff’s shoulder may have been up but anything to get out of here is a good idea at this point.

Rating: D-. I’ve liked Orndorff more after I watch him over the years but DANG he was fighting a losing battle here. At the end of the day, there was no reason for Renegade to be here other than he looked like Ultimate Warrior. The match was horrible because Renegade is so bad and there is no way around it. This shouldn’t have been on pay per view, but that has never stopped WCW before.

Post match Orndorff gives him the piledriver but Renegade pops up and hits a high crossbody.

We see how Kamala was introduced to the Dungeon of Doom as Taskmaster’s latest soldier against Hulk Hogan. Apparently he has walked the Sahara and climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. Yet he still can’t find shoes.

Jim Duggan is ready for Kamala because it’s no more Mr. Nice Guy. Have we flashed back to Mid-South?

Jim Duggan vs. Kamala

Kamala, despite being a savage, knows to hide in the ropes when Duggan swings the 2×4 around. Duggan slugs away to start but can’t get him down. A big shot has Kamala’s arms shaking and a big right hand finally puts him down. The USA chant only works so well this time so Kevin Sullivan points to Duggan and shouts HULKAMANIA, which is enough to send Kamala over the edge.

Choking sets up a bearhug but Duggan uses the power of stomping on bare toes for the break. Kamala goes with the chest claw (as stupid as it sounds) but Duggan is right back with a slam. Duggan goes after Sullivan though, allowing Zodiac to come in with Kamala’s mask to knock Duggan silly and give Kamala the pin at 6:06.

Rating: D. This was a way to introduce Kamala but that makes you realize that you are having to meet Kamala in 1995. I’m not sure how good of an idea that is, but at the same time I’m one of the few who liked the Dungeon of Doom. This stuff felt so out of place and Duggan as one of Hogan’s proxy fighters wasn’t quite enough to make a lot of people care. It would make for a good indy match, but not exactly on a major pay per view.

Randy Savage (I want that Slim Jim shirt) is ready to end things with Ric Flair and wants those lifeguards to keep Ric Flair in person. He’s from Florida and we’re in California but the beach is what matters.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Dave Sullivan

Page has Max Muscle (I think you can figure him out) and Kimberly (his pretty manager) with him. Dave Sullivan (with Ralph the Rabbit) is Kevin’s nitwit brother and one of the all time worst wrestlers to be on a big stage. A kid gives Kimberly some flowers so Page destroys them, because he’s quite the jealous guy (as he should be because he doesn’t have much going for himself, outside of winning $13 million in a Bingo game, because WCW was weird).

That’s enough to have Sullivan run to the ring and jump Page as the beating is on early. An atomic drop into a running clothesline keeps Page in trouble but Sullivan stops to wave at Kimberly). Page gets in a few cheap shots but charges into the bearhug. That’s broken up as well so Dave hammers away with his right hand/clothesline offense. The inverted bearhug (Dave lifts him up for a piledriver and squeezes, making it an inverted waistlock instead of a bearhug) goes on but Max gets on the apron for a distraction, allowing Page to hit the Diamond Cutter for the pin at 4:22.

Rating: D. Yeah what were you expecting here? Dave Sullivan is one of the worst mainstream performers you’ll see in recorded history and you could see that on display here. It doesn’t help that this was before Page got good, but he was certainly trying and improving, eventually setting up one of the most improbable main event runs of all time. Anyway, horrible match, but when you’re flat out copying George Steele/Randy Savage/Elizabeth, what are you expecting?

Sister Sherri says she and Harlem Heat are ready for the Blue Bloods and the Nasty Boys in the triangle match. Harlem Heat is ready too and rant accordingly. This is back when a triple threat was a pretty rare concept so there is some actual intrigue here.

Tag Team Titles: Blue Bloods vs. Nasty Boys vs. Harlem Heat

Harlem Heat is defending, the Blue Bloods are Robert (Bobby Eaton)/Steven (William) Regal and this has some weird rules. There is a coin toss to determine which teams start and it’s one fall to a finish, but you can be eliminated via DQ and turn it into a regular tag match. In one of the most “because WCW” moments in recent memory, they all flip the coins, but they have to do it again because they’re all heads. So yes, WCW couldn’t manage to rig/lie about A COIN TOSS WHERE YOU DON’T SEE THE COINS without having to try it again.

Booker and Knobbs start but it’s a brawl in just a few seconds because of course it is. Regal takes the Pit Stop and sells it as only he can, falling all the way outside. There’s another to send Eaton outside again and we settle down to Booker kicking Knobbs in the face. Regal tags himself in and stomps on Booker, who takes him down without much effort. The spinning kick to the face keeps Regal in trouble and it’s Eaton coming in, only to get backdropped down.

It’s off to Sags for a legdrop between the legs but Booker is up to forearm Regal as the fast tags continue. Tony points out the lack of logic in tagging another team in as the Nastys hit a double shoulder for two on Booker. Regal comes in to strike away on Stevie but then tags Sags in, causing Heenan to say the Blue Bloods don’t understand the match.

The Blue Bloods start taking turns on Stevie but again Regal tags Knobbs in, completely missing the point. Knobbs hits a splash for two with Regal making the save, earning some rarely deserved praise from Tony. Booker comes back in for a knee to Knobbs and then hands it right back to Stevie for a knee of his own. The Blue Bloods take over on Knobbs again as Heenan gets confused on the rules again.

Stevie gets to choke on Knobbs in the corner but Regal tags himself in to break up the ax kick from Booker. Knobbs sits down on Regal’s chest to break up the sunset flip attempt and everything breaks down again. Booker gets backdropped onto Regal and Knobbs adds a splash to give Sags the pin….on Booker, who is on Regal, meaning Harlem Heat retains at 13:09.

Rating: D+. They were trying something different here but at the end of the day, the teams seemed to get confused by the rules here and it was a big mess as a result. That being said, the ending was creative and I’ll take that over something that is done over and over again. They really needed to tighten up on the execution to make it work, but there was only so much you were going to be able to do with these three teams all at once.

Post match Sherri yells about how great Harlem Heat is and the team agrees. They aren’t worried about Bunkhouse Buck and Dick Slater either.

Commentary talks about the upcoming match while everything is set up.

Ric Flair talks about how Elizabeth left Savage for him (Gene: “Did she go to Space Mountain?”) and now it’s time for Savage to understand what is going on (as we copy another WWF story). Flair is ready to make the girls in California cry again.

Some Baywatch women come to the ring so Heenan gets on his chair for a better look.

Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage

This is a Lifeguard match, meaning Lumberjack. You can tell Savage is serious here because he’s throwing out Slim Jims. Savage punches him down to start and hammers away as commentary keeps talking about Savage’s dad being in attendance. Flair gets sent outside and the lumberjacks are already getting in a fight over throwing him back in. An atomic drop out of the corner lets Flair chop away before sending Savage outside. The same kind of shoving match ensues but Savage sends him into the buckle a few times back inside.

The Flair Flip into the corner is enough for a trip to the floor but Flair is back inside in a hurry. Savage is sent to the apron, where he suplexes Flair over the top and back outside (near the sand for a change, which Tony thinks could be a problem). Back in again and Flair gets in a thumb to the eye, setting up an elbow to the face. The sleeper goes on until Savage sends him into the corner for the break.

Flair sends him outside for a few cheap shots and it’s time to go for the leg. To really mix it up, Flair grabs the leg, goes to the middle rope, and flips forward to snap the leg (never seen him do it before or since). It’s enough to set up the Figure Four with Savage finally managing to turn it over. Flair gets two off a suplex but Savage is right back with right hands in the corner. Savage sends him outside with the lifeguards having to catch Flair from trying to escape.

There’s the top rope ax handle to the head but Savage has to knock Arn Anderson off the apron. Flair gets sent over the top and the referee is distracted, allowing Arn to come in with the DDT. That’s good for two, as is Savage’s backslide. Flair is slammed off the top and there’s another ax handle to the head. Savage heads up top again and does the fingers in the air (with the huge crowd and ocean behind him for a REALLY cool visual) for the elbow and the clean pin at 13:57.

Rating: B-. Savage vs. Flair is always worth a look but this was a pretty paint by numbers version of the match. The lumberjacks didn’t do much of anything aside from the Arn DDT, making it more of a gimmick than anyway else. It felt big because of who was in it, but there are roughly 14 better versions of this match available.

Post match Savage hugs one of the Baywatch women, who manages to not be physically ill on camera.

Video on Vader’s Road Kill Tour, which has involved him destroying everyone on the way to a cage match against Hulk Hogan here. More paint by numbers stuff, but it’s Hogan vs. a monster in a cage. Why mess with what works?

Vader breaks various things and promises to show Hogan who the man is, because Vader fears nothing. While Hogan was out there tanning on the beach, Vader was growing up in the toughest parts of Los Angeles and there is nowhere for Hogan to hide. Vader was extra fired up here.

Commentary hypes up the main event, with Tony calling Heenan a blathering idiot.

Video on Collision In Korea, which is almost hard to fathom these days.

Hulk Hogan, with Jimmy Hart and Dennis Rodman, talks about how they were looking for people to beat up last night. Now it’s time to make Woodstock look like a backyard barbecue while he throws Vader over the top of the cage. Uh, you can win by escape here Hulk. Rodman is going to be guarding the cage door.

WCW World Title: Vader vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan is defending in a cage and I’ll never not be a bit disturbed by Vader’s helmet. It’s pin/submission/escape to win here. Hogan goes right for him to start and the right hands in the corner have Vader in early trouble. The fans are into the counting here as Hogan can’t elbow him down. They both block rams into the cage and slug it out with Vader getting the better of things and sending him into the steel first.

Hogan sends him face first into the big helmet and then puts it on (Blasphemous!) for a disturbing visual. With that nonsense out of the way, Hogan rips at his face, only to be sent into the cage. The Vader Bomb gets no cover so Vader does it again for the near fall. There’s another ram into the cage and a release suplex drops Hogan again. Vader goes for the door but gets sent into the cage, only to knee Hogan in the head. The top rope backsplash (that’s a new one) misses but Hogan falls down on a slam attempt to give Vader two.

The chinlock goes on and Jimmy Hart instantly goes into cheerleader mode, as he is known to do. Hogan fights up and hits the slam, only to hurt his back. Vader’s middle rope splash gets two and it’s time to Hulk Up. Hogan isn’t having any of these forearms to the back or a ram to the cage, as Heenan is all “oh here we go again”. Vader is sent into the cage over and over and it’s a big boot….as Kevin Sullivan and Zodiac come out. Rodman dispatches them in a hurry as Hogan drops a pair of legs. That’s not enough for Hogan to escape (oh come on) so Hogan knocks him off the top and escapes at 13:13.

Rating: C-. This was as by the book of a Hogan cage match as you were going to get and there was absolutely no drama to the whole thing. Hogan beating a giant is one thing but could they at least make you believe the title was in the slightest bit of jeopardy? That being said, there is a reason that this formula worked so well for so long and the match wasn’t horrible, with the unique setting helping a lot.

Heenan is disgusted as the show ends….in theory at least, as Flair comes into the ring to yell at Vader. Tony isn’t sure if we’re still on the air as Arn Anderson has to come int o save Flair. Vader chases them both off without much trouble and shouts that Flair needs to stay out of his business.

Commentary recaps the cage match and post match shenanigans to wrap things up.

Roll credits.

Overall Rating: D. The two main events were upgrades, but there is a reason that this is such a dark period for WCW. The wrestling wasn’t very good, the stories were about as basic as you could get, and nothing is worth seeing. At least the visual was really cool though as going somewhere else for a special show like this does help. It was clear that they needed to change something up here though as this was a really rough one to sit through.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Now stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

Vince opened this week’s show and brought out Stephanie McMahon, Triple H and Shane McMahon, with the big announcement being that the four of them would be taking over both Monday Night Raw and SmackDown Live on a more permanent basis. While details weren’t clear, they said that middle management would no longer be running the shows, which could mean having no General Manager on either show, though this wasn’t confirmed. Baron Corbin attempted to become permanent General Manager again, but was defeated in a match with Corbin’s authority on the line.

So yeah, it’s more McMahons, more bosses, and more “matches we’ve never seen before”.  It sounds to me like we’re going to be seeing something else to go with this and a Draft/a bunch of callups wouldn’t shock me.  The problem here though is that it’s more of the same: a focus on the bosses disguised as the focus being on the fans.  The opening segment and match took more than thirty minutes and it didn’t include anything concrete.  It’s too early to say how this is going to go, but how long do you think it’ll be before we have a new GM style character?  February?  In a good world?

Bash at the Beach 2000
Date: July 9, 2000
Location: Ocean Center, Daytona Beach, Florida
Attendance: 6,572
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

Oh boy. After all those nice weeks of no Russo and/or Bischoff to screw things up, tonight we’re back to the old ways because this wrestling and storytelling stuff must be stopped at all costs. It’s a double main event of Goldberg vs. Kevin Nash for Scott Hall’s contract and Hulk Hogan challenging Jeff Jarrett for the World Title. Let’s get to it.

Cat sends Smooth the Limo Driver to tell the Filthy Animals and the Misfits in Action that they’re banned from ringside during the Cruiserweight Title match. The Jung Dragons show up and attack Cat, likely trying to get more money. See, now this is the kind of idea that doesn’t need to be here but makes SO much more sense with the context of watching Thunder. Unfortunately WCW doesn’t explain anything of it, thinking that everyone saw the one off segment that set it up.

The opening video is just stills of the four men in the two main events. No narration or anything, but it does have shots of Jarrett’s fat women.

We get some very lame pyro as Penzer is in a beach shirt.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Lieutenant Loco

Loco is defending but Juvy stole the belt on Thunder. Konnan tells Juvy to keep the title and wants Disco/Rey to go after the Tag Team Titles. The seconds are all sent out but the Animals stick around for a bit instead. Tony: “The bell has sounded in this sports entertainment opening bout.” Loco clotheslines him to the floor to start and it’s already time to stall.

Madden tries to figure out what was up with the Dragons so Scott, who seems to actually watch Thunder, explains the story. Mark has nothing in response, basically making this a quick production meeting for him. Back in and Juvy fires off some right hands but gets taken down into an armbar. Loco is wrestling a much slower paced style here which is normally the heel Cruiserweight Champion style.

Juvy blocks a charge with an elbow but a double cross body puts both of them down. Back up again and Chavo sends him to the floor for a big plancha as we’ve got the Filthy Animals in masks because we’re on a Russo show and two talented guys wrestling are going is going to bore the fans and make them change the channel FROM A PAY PER VIEW THEY ALREADY BOUGHT.

The Animals are taken to the back as Juvy drops a slingshot legdrop to the floor (thankfully not breaking his tailbone like Johnny the Bull). Back in and a springboard splash gets two for Juvy and a sunset Liger Bomb gets the same. Cue General Rection as Bill Clinton (just go with it) as a distraction for Major Gunns to come down (now with thong sticking out because Lita was doing it at the time) and get Juvy’s attention. The plan mostly works as Loco grabs a sitout reverse gordbuster (called a reverse powerslam by Hudson) for two. Loco’s tornado DDT retains the title a few seconds later.

Rating: C. This is one of Russo’s big problems summed up in one match. You had two talented guys who could put on a match that people wanted to see but instead here’s a WACKY idea of the two teams interfering with masks on in a story development that doesn’t mean a thing. Yeah Rection was dressed like Bill Clinton. How is that funny, interesting, noteworthy or ANYTHING besides something else to take the focus off the match? It’s a simple case of “Russo doesn’t get it”.

The Cat imitates Chris Tucker from Rush Hour as he tries to tell the Jung Dragons that it’s over. Jarrett comes in to ask where Hogan is because his fat viking woman is ready to sing. Total TV scene. Hogan isn’t here yet either and Jarrett is clearly wearing the replica title (notice the big black outline).

Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. Norman Smiley/Ralphus

Vito is defending in this unannounced match with mystery challengers. Tony explains that the match is supposed to start in the back and then come to the ring. Those sound a lot like rules. Vito hammers away with the stick on Ralphus and then sends Norman into the barricade. They go backstage so now I guess they can fight back into the arena so the match can end in the ring. Ralphus gets in some trashcan shots to the head for what might have been his first offense in history.

Some trashcan lid shots (you have to mix it up) have no effect on Vito so it’s time for the plastic dinnerware to come into play. Norman is thrown into a service elevator, leaving Vito to beat Ralphus back to the ring. That means it’s table time but it’s broken before it’s even thrown in. Vito splashes him through it anyway and retains the title as Norman comes back, only to be a hardcore loser all over again.

Rating: D-. Well thank goodness this got pay per view time. Norman, one of the most popular acts in the company for a few months, is still right where he was before and the heatless Vito keeps the title even longer with no one to challenge him. Bad match here as you would expect, but keep this stuff on Thunder where it belongs if you just have to do it.

Goldberg arrives with Hall’s contract in his pocket.

Nash says he hasn’t been nice lately and tonight he’s getting his friend back.

We recap Daffney vs. Miss Hancock, which is actually one of the better stories they’re running at the moment. David Flair and Daffney were engaged but he cheated on her with Miss Hancock (who was his real life girlfriend at the time). Daffney had her head shaved earlier this week so tonight it’s a wedding gown match for no apparent reason other than to have Hancock in limited clothing.

Miss Hancock vs. Daffney

There’s a wedding cake at ringside and the announcers acknowledge that it’s going to be destroyed. David is here with Hancock and they kiss before the match to drive Daffney crazier. That earns Flair a low blow and we start fast. Hopefully it ends fast as well. Hancock does a handspring elbow as they’re fighting in slow motion. Daffney keeps flipping her for the upskirt shots but David prevents Hancock from going into the cake.

The referee gets hit low and pantsed (with Tony pointing out how fast Hancock can get a man’s pants off). David gets the same treatment and we get the face first fall onto the crotch. They go after Daffney’s hair but Crowbar makes the save. Crowbar takes his own pants off and gives David the Mind Bender (Tony has forgotten the name from four days ago) as the women have disappeared. David is about to get shaved so Hancock strips to save him and end the match. I’m sure this was in no way, shape or form inspired by Patterson and Brisco having an evening gown match last month.

Rating: F. I get the idea here and I’m not going to complain about Hancock in limited clothing, but this gets old in about ten seconds. After that it stops being fun and entertaining and you’re asking yourself what the heck am I watching. That happened WAY too often in WCW around this time and it becomes much more embarrassing than entertaining. This is the lowest common denominator and that’s rarely quality television.

Crowbar and the referee sit down to watch but it’s cake time instead.

The Dragons sneak up on Cat, though he’s tipped off by the Japanese music playing. Cat is worried that Hogan hasn’t arrived yet and thinks Ox Baker might be available.

The announcers talk about Hogan not being here as we clean up the ring from Russo’s latest fantasy fulfillment. The ring must be very dirty as they go over Hogan bring in Shaquille O’Neal back in 1994 and then the formation of the NWO. We see the mats being picked up as the crew pours bottles of water onto the ground and wipe it up. THEY CAN’T AFFORD A MOP???

Tag Team Titles: Perfect Event vs. Kronik

Perfect Event is defending, even though Brian Adams and a production guy pinned them on Thunder but now Adams has Clark back. Adams and Palumbo (Palumbi according to Tony) get things going and it’s Chuck quickly being sent to the floor. Stasiak is thrown on top of him as well, which Madden says is like throwing a Frisbee. Mark Madden has never thrown a Frisbee has he?

Now the champs have cake on their trunks because WCW can’t even destroy a cake properly. Clark beats Stasiak up and gives him a release Rock Bottom before bringing Adams back in. Tony wants to know if Kronik will be happy with a simple win. Does anyone even remember what their issue is at this point or how the champs got the titles in the first place? Better yet, does it matter? Palumbo low bridges Adams to the floor and gets in a chair shot to take over.

We hit a sleeper as the fans are behind Kronik. That’s not boring enough so it’s off to Stasiak for a sleeper of his own. Back up and they hit heads (allegedly), setting up the tag to Clark as everything breaks down. Palumbo DDTs his way out of the Meltdown and Stasiak clotheslines Clark off the apron. Clark gets double teamed back inside and we get a really awkward exchange where he looks at the champs as if to say “ok, it’s your spot now.”

Adams breaks up a cover off a double flapjack and F5’s Shawn, setting up High Times. There’s a rumble that sounds like a motorcycle but doesn’t lead anywhere. Probably fans leaving this boring show. Palumbo takes High Times as well and a powerbomb/top rope clothesline combination (better move than the double chokeslam) gives Kronik the belts back. There’s smoke around the ring for no apparent reason.

Rating: D. Not the worst match in the world here but still the same boring match the Perfect Event has been having for weeks now. At least Kronik is a more interesting team who can have a watchable power match. Perfect Event is just flat out boring and I’m glad they’ve dropped the belts, even though they only held them for a few weeks.

The Cat hears the Dragons’ music AGAIN when Jarrett comes in AGAIN, claiming that he’s bored. Jarrett promises to screw with the show and leaves, allowing the Dragons to appear and attack Cat. Scott has to explain the story to Madden AGAIN.

Booker T. vs. Positively Kanyon

Tony calls this the sixth match because the show has dulled his abilities to count. Booker headlocks him to start and scores with the spinning kick to the face. Some elbows and a dropkick put Kanyon down again and there goes Kanyon’s shirt. Booker finds the brick in the book though Kanyon didn’t see that it’s been removed.

Kanyon sends him out to the floor and a whip puts Booker into the barricade. That’s enough for the wrestling so Kanyon crushes Booker’s arm under the steps and baseball slides Booker’s ribs into the post. The apron superplex gets two and Kanyon wedges chair in the corner for later. Kanyon puts on a reverse Boston crab but is quickly pushed into a rollup for two.

That means it’s time for a book to the head for two more because there’s no brick. Naturally picking up a book or a book with a brick inside feels EXACTLY the same and Kanyon just didn’t notice. Booker pops up with the kicks for two each, followed by the Book End for another near fall. This brings out Jeff Jarrett with the guitar (he was bored remember) to knock Booker out, setting up a middle rope Kanyon Cutter for the pin.

Rating: C+. Match was fine until the TV ending. Kanyon’s offense really was different enough to make you pay attention and it was cool to see him win a big match, but assuming WCW knows what’s coming tonight, the ending here is questionable at best. Still though, best match on the show by about a mile so far.

Mike Awesome is hitting on the overweight viking chick when Pamela comes in to ask about Scott Steiner. Awesome promises a win and insults Pamela before leaving.

US Title: Mike Awesome vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner is defending and dives onto Awesome (who, like Steiner, is in black trunks with red lettering) but gets sent into the crowd for a dive over the barricade. Awesome gets in a trashcan shot but takes it back to ringside with Steiner in control. They get inside for the first time for a belly to belly superplex to give Scott the first near fall.

Steiner stays on the back but Awesome takes it right back to the floor for a chair shot to the ribs. A bell to the head means it’s time to look at a fan holding up a sign about Awesome’s mullet. More chair shots set up a slingshot splash for two and here’s the Cat for no apparent reason. Steiner fights back and loads up the Recliner but Cat reminds us that it’s illegal.

The distraction lets Awesome get two off an Alabama Slam, followed by the Awesome Splash for the same. There goes the referee so Cat comes in and superkicks Awesome by mistake. Steiner’s belly to belly sets up the Recliner so Cat strips him of the title and calls for the DQ. Scott really doesn’t seem to care and the announcers have no idea if Awesome is champion or not.

Rating: C-. So Awesome doesn’t seem to get the title (he wouldn’t), Steiner doesn’t care, and Cat is apparently only a heel when he’s dealing with Steiner. This is more wasting of the US Title because Steiner clearly doesn’t care about it after spending months barely acknowledging that he was champion at all. The title has been worthless for years now but this made it even worse.

Steiner beats Awesome up and celebrates anyway.

Vampiro vs. The Demon

This is in a graveyard (Or maybe a big graveyard set. Would you put it past WCW to rent one for something this big?) and you win by getting back to the arena first. No word on how far the graveyard is from the arena so this match might require a bus trip from Branson, Missouri. Assuming the graveyard is in the same city as the arena (would you really put it past WCW to have it be somewhere else?), there’s always the chance that the wrestlers will get lost on the streets of Daytona Beach. Vampiro dives out of a tree to attack Demon….and now we have no light.

A superkick puts Demon down and Vampiro, clearly on a microphone, tells Demon to join him. Asya kicks Vampiro in the back and they fight into an open grave for a bit. You can barely see anything here and Vampiro chases Asya off. Demon gets out of the grave and the match has become a footrace.

Vampiro throws him in the water and Asya is rocking back and forth. She gets dragged off again until Demon gets out of the water as Tony brings up the fact that they have no idea where the graveyard is. Demon finds Asya next to a coffin but Vampiro pops out and sprays mist in his face. Vampiro says join him or die but Demon says no, only to get hit in the head with a tombstone and knocked into the coffin. Vampiro leaves and we cut to an interview, so screw the rules for the “match”.

Rating: N/A. I’m not rating this because this had nothing to do with wrestling. This was a scene out of some weird horror movie that Russo probably saw back in 1993 and decided to recreate it on his show. I mean…….what is there to say about this? They were fighting in a graveyard, then in a pond, then one guy got knocked into a grave. I can’t believe I’m saying this but the evening gown match had WAY more value than this did. Total waste of time, much like everything else Vampiro does.

Shane Douglas promises to beat Buff Bagwell tonight.

You can win a sweepstakes and become Goldberg’s manager. I’ve heard worse ideas.

Shane Douglas vs. Buff Bagwell

Another feud where I don’t think most fans remember why they’re fighting in the first place, though Hudson does at least explain it. Buff starts a FRANCHISE SUCKS chant and is already doing more than most people on this show to get the fans to care. Often times it’s something as simple as telling them to chant something. The fans are made part of the show, which is more than you can say the majority of the wrestlers tonight have done.

The fight quickly heads outside with Shane being sent into the barricade but coming back with what was probably a low blow. The mats are peeled back but Shane can’t pull off a piledriver. Buff kicks him in the ribs, only to have Shane punch a chair into his face. They head inside for a crank on Bagwell’s still bad neck but here’s the returning Torrie Wilson to slap Shane. She’s going to turn on Bagwell in…..I’ll say two minutes or less.

Torrie stays on the apron as Bagwell makes his comeback before getting in to kick him low (didn’t even make it a minute). The Pittsburgh Plunge gives Shane two but Torrie breaks up the Blockbuster, allowing Shane to debut the Franchiser (a lame jawbreaker) for the pin, with tights of course because Shane is a heel.

Rating: D. The match was boring and the swerve was the most predictable in a LONG time (which is covering a lot in WCW terms) but Torrie looked better than usual (which is also covering a lot) and it’s always good to see Bagwell take a beating for some reason. Bad match but Torrie is a better valet than Tammy at this point anyway.

Shane and Torrie kiss some more.

Hogan has finally arrived.

Jarrett says he has allies tonight.

Quick recap of Jarrett and the fat viking women. It still makes no sense and goes WAY too far for the sake of a joke.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Jeff Jarrett

Hogan is challenging. There’s no Jarrett at first so here’s Vince Russo. Jarrett comes out and so does Hogan to make it look like we’re ready to go. Jeff is standing on the stage though and I have a bad feeling this isn’t ending well. The bell rings and Jeff lays down because SCREW YOU RUSSO. Hogan says this is why WCW is in the place it’s in and covers Jarrett for the pin and the title. We’ll be coming back to this later so I’ll go into it after the other stuff.

The announcers talk about how this couldn’t have been what was scripted. Those lines make my head hurt badly enough so I’ll skip the usual ranting about how stupid this is.

And now, Vampiro is back! So the match is now officially done, putting it at about thirty minutes. Vampiro says the dark circle is now complete and Dale Torborg is gone. Cue eight guys in Sting masks carrying a coffin. Someone who might be Sting (but clearly isn’t due to the hair length) jumps out and beats Vampiro with the bat before throwing him into the coffin. This would be another story that I never want to think about again.

Goldberg is trying really hard not to rip up the contract. This is about a week and a half after he ate the thing so this speech is kind of hard to buy.

Here’s Russo, who is booed out of the building. Not likely because of what his character did but because of the bait and switch he just booked. Russo talks about leaving three weeks ago but the fans rip into him before he can get anywhere. He didn’t know if he was going to come back because of all the politics backstage. Remember that he debuted in WCW roughly eight months ago and only returned three months earlier. Based on the way he talked, you would think he had been dealing with it for twenty years.

Russo came back for all of the boys in the locker room like Booker T., (given a military gimmick that wasn’t going anywhere), everyone in MIA (Given another lame military gimmick based around sex puns and Major Gunns taking off her top. Oh and Pops. Don’t forget Pops.), for the Filthy Animals (spinning their wheels for months) and for Jarrett (no explanation needed on that).

So he cares about them, just not enough to make them into anything important. None of the old guys like Hogan care about this place because he’s just a politician. Hogan wanted to play his creative control card tonight, meaning he gets to win the World Title. That’s the last time you’ll ever see Hogan in WCW (it truly was) but no one is going home disappointed tonight (oh I doubt that). Tonight, there’s going to be a new WCW World Title, which still belongs to Jarrett as far as Russo is concerned.

Russo says Jarrett is one of the only people who comes out here and works hard whether you love him or hate him (True. Jarrett gets a lot of flack but he’s one of the few main eventers who does seem to work hard every single week. He’s a lame World Champion, but undoubtedly a talented guy.).

Tonight, Jarrett is defending against someone who has been fighting for a spot in WCW “for fourteen years.” Booker has only been wrestling for eleven years at this point and debuted in WCW in 1993 so we can add math to the things that Russo is horrible at. Russo promises that Booker and Jeff will tear the house down tonight and leaves.

Where do you start with this? First of all, there have been a ton of explanations for what happened here but the most common that you’ll hear is most of it was a work but it turned into a semi-shoot. Hogan was allegedly scheduled to come back in roughly three months and side with Bischoff against Russo’s new champion, leading to a big match down the line. Not the most interesting idea in the world but I can go with that.

That brings us to Russo’s shoot, which was supposed to set up Hogan leaving before he came back. Allegedly Russo went too far and Hogan got ticked off, resulting in him sitting at home. Therefore, Hogan is gone and Russo gets to look like a hero after finding a way to get rid of Hogan and putting Booker in the title picture. There’s likely a wrong detail or two in there, but it’s the best I can figure out.

Here’s where the whole thing stops working for me (not on the story of it, but on why this is a bad idea): it’s all about Russo. What do people remember about this show? Russo’s shoot. Who is supposed to come out looking like a hero after weeks and months of being the star villain of the show? Russo. The World Champion coming into this show was Jeff Jarrett and he looks like the biggest afterthought in history as he was mentioned in the same breath as the Misfits in Action during that speech.

Yeah in all this chaos, Vince Russo is the one that comes off looking good. No matter what happens in this company, you can count on Russo being the star because he builds the whole thing around him. Whether it’s hanging on in the Figure Four for over a minute and completely defeating Ric Flair or getting rid of the horrible Hulk Hogan here, Russo is the big star in the whole thing and it’s not going to help any of the problems.

Another reason it won’t: as usual, NONE OF THIS MADE SENSE TO THE FANS! Common questions you probably heard asked in the crowd during and immediately after this speech: “What’s creative control?” “Backstage politics?” “What is he talking about?” This story is still confusing fifteen years and a lot of details later. For the live fans, they just saw the World Champion get pinned in an angle that they saw nine months earlier at Halloween Havoc 1999.

Big angle or not, it’s a bait and switch. Booker T. getting the shot is cool, but that’s not what the fans paid to see. There are probably a lot of people (of the six thousand in the arena) who wanted to see Hogan in the ring and they got ripped off. I know it’s probably better long term (or at least it would have been two or three years ago) but if Hogan was advertised, they should have had him do the match somehow. Instead it’s yet another case where people are going to say WCW is making this up as it goes and the stories make no sense while changing the channel to see what Rock and HHH are doing this week.

Overall, it’s another bad idea in a long list of them from Russo. As usual, it’s a big angle over a big match and the old guys and/or Russo are the ones who look good at the end of the day. The fans didn’t want to see whatever insane angle they had going here because that’s not what they signed up for. Maybe this works as a standalone angle at a different time, but WCW had lost any and all credibility at this point and another big shoot angle was the worst thing they could have done here. I’m sure we’ll hear more about it on Nitro, but this really doesn’t hold up on its own.

The announcers are stunned.

We recap Goldberg vs. Kevin Nash which is over Scott Hall’s contract. Goldberg ate it at one point (which is shown in the recap video) but had it again the next week. It made as much sense as anything else at this point. Goldberg hates the Outsiders for whatever reason and is trying to kill them once and for all.

Scott Steiner says he’s too busy to have Nash’s back. Just turn him now.

Kevin Nash vs. Goldberg

The contract is all crumpled up after being perfect the last time we saw it. Goldberg slugs him down in the corner and gets two off a suplex. A superkick gets the same but Nash comes back with a chokeslam for two of his own. Cue Steiner and Midajah to play cheerleader. Nash stops a charge with a boot and sidesteps the spear, meaning it’s time to take down the straps. Steiner comes in to turn on Nash, allowing the spear and Jackhammer to put Nash away in less than six minutes.

Rating: D-. Another lame match after way too much buildup because Nash can’t deliver on the checks his mouth writes. Steiner turning on Nash was obvious from the second that he came to the ring because in Russo’s world, you expect the swerve instead of being surprised by it. They couldn’t do the epic style a year and a half ago and no one thought they could here either.

Goldberg tears the contract up as Steiner puts Nash in the Recliner.

Booker says he’s ready.

The announcers preview the main event with Madden saying Jarrett is the kind of guy that Hogan held down. Yeah the four time World Champion was held down.

WCW World Title: Booker T. vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett is defending, though I guess you could say the title is vacant as well. I know Russo’s world is screwy but a champion getting pinned in a title match means the title changed in some way to me. Jarrett’s music cuts off Buffer’s big introduction for Booker. The title is bent at the top again and it’s clearly the original belt. They fight over a headlock to start and there are a lot of empty seats for this one.

Booker sends him out to the floor as the announcers talk about the formation of the New Blood leading to this. Back in and a side kick has Jeff in more trouble and they fight into the crowd to kill some time. Jarrett gets sent into a wall but comes back with a chair shot at ringside. Jeff piledrives him onto the table, which doesn’t break. Scott: “They finally got the construction right on this thing!”

We hit the chinlock to slow things down before Jeff starts in on the leg. The Figure Four has Booker in trouble but he turns it over without too much trouble. A cannonball misses Booker’s leg and there are even more empty seats now. Booker’s spinebuster gets two but he misses the side kick and hits the ropes. The referee goes down and Jeff misses a belt shot, allowing Booker to nail Jeff for a close two. Some hero.

Jeff puts a chair in the corner but gets sent into it head first for two more. Jeff beats up the referee and gives him a Stroke (without ever leaving his feet) but the top rope guitar shot is caught in the Book End to give Booker the pin and the title to a legitimately strong reaction. Well from the people still here.

Rating: B. Well they didn’t tear the house down but they did have a good match. Booker winning the title is about a year too late but it’s cool to see someone young (35) get the title for a change. It certainly can’t save the show because it’s taking a big backseat to the big story. Booker is a better option that Jeff as he’s far more likeable, but it’s just too late to do much good.

Booker is overcome with emotion to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. As good as it is to get rid of Hogan and as good as it is to have Booker as champion, the long and boring Perfect Event match, the wedding gown match, the stuff in the graveyard, all Russo all the time and all the interference really drag this down. It’s certainly not the worst show from a quality perspective but for every problem Russo fixes, he creates ten more. That’s the thing dragging the show down at this point and Booker as champion is nowhere near enough to fix that.

If you need to sum up the problem here, it’s the shoot being what people remember most from this show. In other words, they remember Russo and the shenanigans instead of Booker taking the title in a good match (longest of the night as well, clocking in at 13:40). It’s always about the drama and insanity in WCW and that can’t work long term. It didn’t in the WWF and it’s not going to here, but it’s all Russo knew so that’s all we’re going to get. Well that and Russo, because the show is still all about him.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Bash at the Beach 1999
Date: July 11, 1999
Location: National Car Rental Center, Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Attendance: 13,624
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

We’re going in a new direction at this point in WCW as the promotion has gone from really boring to freaking insane in the course of a few weeks. A good chunk of this show was booked within the last few weeks and knowing the stories isn’t likely going to help me get through it. Let’s get to it.

I’ve actually seen this show far more often than I should as I found it at a Blockbuster for $2 when I was about thirteen. It took many years to suppress those memories but here we go again.

The opening video is a wordless montage about the four men in the main event. I mean, if there’s one story that doesn’t need a verbal explanation, it’s one about Savage and Sid trying to kill Nash and then the heroic champion kidnapping and potentially raping Gorgeous George, causing Savage to throw her out of their dressing room with a side plot of Sting potentially driving the Hummer that nearly killed Nash and then Nash changing the rules of the tag match so that anyone, including his partner, can pin him for the title. Also for some reason they air the video then show it about five more times as a very fast speed.

Tony says the tag match tonight started as a tag match. It was once going to be Sting/Nash vs. Savage/Sid in a tag team match, but it’s now Sting/Nash vs. Savage/Sid in a tag team match. No that’s not a misprint.

After those words of wisdom, Schiavone explains the junkyard match and the boxing match before throwing it to Gene for a Hotline ad.

Mike Tenay is at the junkyard, which he knows about because his sources told him where to go. Apparently there’s going to be a ring of cars with a bunch of obstacles to get around and the first person to jump over a fence and escape wins. This company is rapidly becoming more of a parody of wrestling than an actual wrestling promotion.

Video on the Cat vs. Disco Inferno. Cat had a kickboxing match with Jerry Flynn and lost via DQ so Flynn took him down in a brawl after the match. He and Disco had a dance off a week earlier, making the kickboxing stuff completely pointless.

Disco Inferno vs. The Cat

The original stipulation was the loser could never dance again but that has since been dropped. The lawyers must be working overtime as the match was announced three days ago and the stipulation was never mentioned on Thunder. Miller rants before the match and wants another dance contest before we get going. He demands that the people all vote for him or else he’ll beat them all up. Tony explains that he’ll lose because he threatened the fans because WCW thinks we’re rather thick headed. Disco dances for about two seconds before Cat goes after him and we’re ready to go.

Inferno starts like a kitchen of fire (not enough for a whole house) and sends Miller sliding out to the floor. Back in and Cat nails a few kicks, so Disco just tackles him to the mat and hammers away. Some atomic drops from Disco set up some miscommunication on what looked to be his swinging neckbreaker.

Cat comes back with a kick to the head and walks around as Sonny gets in a few shots of his own. Those are as effective as you would expect since Sonny, a legitimately accomplished karate fighter, is a manager and therefore incapable of hurting anyone. Back in and Disco grabs a quick sunset flip for two but gets his head kicked off again.

Another kick misses though and Disco legsweeps him down, setting up a middle rope elbow for two. Cat rakes the eyes and puts on the shoe, only to have Disco take it away and blast him in the face. Sonny’s distraction makes it only a two count though, allowing Cat to put the shoe back on and kick Disco for about the fifth time for the pin.

Rating: D. This really was the best thing they could think of to start a show? It’s really hard to care about a match with no build, no value and nothing beyond basic moves. The fact that it had Ernest Miller in there made things even less interesting. It’s not even a horrible match or anything, but there’s just no reason to care about something like that.

Judge Mills Lane won’t put up with any garbage tonight and will chase Bagwell or Piper if need be.

We recap the TV Title match. The video starts with Van Hammer surviving against Disco Inferno because the referee was down and a handful of tights. Then Flair saved Hammer from getting put through a table by banning hardcore matches, allowing Hammer to hit Hugh Morrus with a table and drive him through it. Somehow that earned him a TV Title shot here.

TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Van Hammer

Keep in mind that there really isn’t a face in this match as there’s no reason to like either guy. Steiner comes out first for no apparent reason. They trade hard shots to the face to start and Steiner is knocked out to the floor. Steiner goes into his new standard of just driving someone down to the mat and ripping at their face a lot. Back up and Rick hammers away before taking Hammer outside to send him into the barricade.

Rick hits a horrible looking DDT on the exposed concrete and covers on the floor to continue getting on my nerves. Back in and Hammer hits him low, only to have Rick punch him in the face to take over again. They head outside one more time with Hammer nailing him in the head with a chair before taking him back inside for the Alabama Slam for two. Steiner bites him between the legs, punts him in the same spot (referee just watches him) and hits the Steiner Bulldog to retain.

Rating: F. Rick Steiner has reached the point where he’s an embarrassment. Between never selling anything from a chair shot to a low blow, there’s just nothing Hammer (who isn’t the guy you want carrying a bag of groceries, let alone a PPV title match) can do. What WCW saw in him other than name recognition I’ll never know, but if someone thinks he’s skilled in the ring, they have no business being in charge of a wrestling company.

We get an overhead view of the junkyard, which really just looks like a parking lot with a bunch of cars stacked up in a circle. The winner gets a trophy but Tenay can’t answer who is going to be in the match because it’s unsanctioned.

We recap David Flair being named US Champion, meaning we just see the segment again. Again, weren’t the Flairs fighting months ago about David siding with Torrie and having his father hold him down? Now David has ten women around him (including Torrie) and his dad made him US Title. That’s a big jump in the span of five months.

US Title: Dean Malenko vs. David Flair

David is defending of course and comes out with Torrie, in a very pushed up tied off top, shirt that might be nine inches long, and a black cowboy hat. Ric, Arn and Asya are here too but Johnny Boone is refereeing. Tony says David hasn’t been impressive in all of his title defenses. You know, all one of them.

Dean of course throws him down with ease and stomps away in the corner before planting David with a suplex. Ric comes in but gets decked as Dean puts on the Cloverleaf. Anderson nails the referee with a spinebuster, allowing Robinson to take over as referee. Dean Cloverleafs Asya but Ric nails him with the US Title to give David the pin.

Rating: F. Dang it this was just long enough to grade. As I said in the Nitro review, I get the idea they’re going for here, but wasn’t there another scrub you could put in there instead of Malenko? I know Dean isn’t going to be headlining a PPV anytime soon, but he’s the kind of guy that should actually be the US Champion. This kind of story is good in the right circumstances, but WCW isn’t in a place where they can turn yet another title into a joke and keep beating their midcard guys into the ground, even in a match that doesn’t end anywhere near clean.

Long recap of the Rednecks vs. the No Limit Soldiers, complete with the full I Hate Rap video. Barry Windham is such a talented drummer that he just scares the drums into playing themselves because he certainly isn’t hitting them. This includes a lot of shouting HOOTY HOO, which amazingly enough didn’t get the rappers over. Master P. is long gone, apparently saying that there weren’t enough of “his people” in the audience for the night the angle took off. That would be in P.’s hometown in New Orleans if you aren’t big on guys who shout like owls.

No Limit Solders vs. West Texas Rednecks

Swoll, B.A., Rey Mysterio Jr., Konnan

Curt Hennig, Barry Windham, Kendall Windham, Bobby Duncum Jr.

Elimination tag, which I believe is the first explanation of the rules for this match. The best part of this: the camera comes back to the arena early, showing ring announcer David Penzer counting the fans down on when to cheer. Tony fails at covering for him by saying that he was saying hi to his five family members in the audience. The levels that this company falls to when trying to cover their mistakes is astounding. Heenan redeems things a bit by saying that the Soldiers’ problem could be solved if they just put a light in their closets. Rey and Konnan make sure to shout a lot before we’re ready to go.

Mysterio and Barry get things going with the Cruiserweight Champion getting hammered down in the corner. Rey comes back by sending Barry into the corner and getting two off a split legged moonsault. Off to Hennig vs. B.A. with Armstrong nailing a dropkick before trying to talk some trash. Thankfully that goes nowhere as it’s off to Duncum before the big Swoll comes in with a bad looking clothesline. Swoll hammers on Duncum but Kendall comes in with a cheap shot to take over.

Kendall misses a charge into the post so Mysterio comes in without a tag. Naturally the referee is fine with this. Kendall tries to beat the rules into him but Rey nails him with a springboard seated senton to knock both Kendall and Duncum out to the floor. Back in and it’s Konnan vs. Hennig before Rey hits another springboard seated senton on Hennig. Duncum and Hennig both get hammered in the corner until it’s Swoll ducking Duncum’s cross body for two in an awkward sequence. Rey adds a springboard legdrop and Swoll pins Bobby.

The other Soldiers, Chase and 4×4 (who makes Ezekiel Jackson look like David Flair) beat up Duncum in the aisle because they’re heroes. Barry and Konnan hammer away on each other until Curt comes back in for a double clothesline. Off to BA as the Rednecks keep control with Curt nailing a quick HennigPlex to make it 3-3. Mysterio tried to dive in for a save but came in too fast and basically started crawling in slow motion for no logical reason.

So it’s Konnan getting beaten down now with Kendall hitting a bad looking lariat and a slightly better looking slam. He misses a middle rope knee though and Konnan hits a rolling lariat of his own (called a DDT by Tony), followed by the facebuster for two. Rey dropkicks Kendall into a horrible “rollup” for the pin on Kendall. Barry DDTs Konnan for two as 4×4 and Chase beat up Kendall.

Everything breaks down with Barry going to the floor…..and being carried off by Chase with Konnan following. For some reason this isn’t a DQ and both guys are counted out. So it’s Hennig vs. Swoll/Mysterio. Swoll comes in for some incredibly sloppy offense as Barry comes back in. Curt tries to bail but 4×4 stops him in his tracks. Back in and Swoll hits his stupid palm strike to the chest before bringing in Rey for the Jimmy Snuka/Andre the Giant big splash off the shoulders for the pin.

Rating: C-. Swoll is horrible. Like he’s really, really bad, to the point that he can barely throw punches correctly. I understand that he was really new at this, but as WCW should have learned over the years, that’s why he shouldn’t be on a major show like this. The Soldiers continue to act entirely like heels here, just like they have for most of this feud.

The announcers chat for a bit about the rest of the card.

We get Hak’s challenge for the junkyard match.

Junkyard Invitational

Ciclope, Jerry Flynn, Johnny Grunge, Hak, Horace Hogan, Brian Knobs, Hugh Morrus, La Parka, Lord Steven Regal, Fit Finlay, Rocco Rock, Silver King, Squire David Taylor, and Mikey Whipwreck

They’re in a junkyard, first person to climb over a fence wins. The place is huge so there’s almost no way to see more than four or five people at once unless you go to a helicopter shots. Public Enemy (a surprise) flips a car over as I’m only going to be able to call big spots. There are barrels of fire everywhere. Jerry Flynn puts an electrical cord into an engine to make sparks fly out. Knobbs dives off one car for an elbow onto King on the roof of a van.

Finlay hits la Parka in the ribs with a bumper as Dave Taylor hits Morrus in the head with a trashcan lid. The annoyed look on Morrus’ face as he just keeps walking is rather amusing. The camera shots are only lasting about ten seconds at most so it’s hard to call much of anything. Jimmy Hart is running around in a yellow shirt and a hard hat. Rocco Rock is thrown into the window of a van. Morrus dives off a car with an elbow onto Rock because they’re already repeating spots.

I think Ciclope dives off a car onto about six guys before they start throwing things at each other instead of doing anything coherent. Finlay goes Captain America by blocking a punch with a trashcan lid and hitting Horace in the face with it. Brian wraps Taylor in a tire as we’re waiting on someone to try and win. Rocco and Horace make the first trip over with Horace making a last second save to keep Rock from escaping.

Silver King is bleeding from the arm as this just keeps going. Taylor has to dance out of a tire before Knobs and Hak put Finlay in a car. A forklift pops up and takes the car over to the crusher but Finlay gets out to prevent death. Of course the forklift hasn’t been seen all match until this point. Then another car blows up and Finlay climbs over the fence to win.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling, and quite frankly I’m really not sure what it was. Why in the world WCW thought this was a good idea is beyond me and I’m sure the live audience is going to be THRILLED after having sat there for fifteen minutes waiting on this to end. On top of all that, Finlay would hurt his leg soon after this at a house show (in a hardcore match of course) and be out for months, making the whole thing worthless. I can’t imagine he’s the only one to get injured in this mess either.

We recap the Triad vs. Saturn/Benoit. They fought each other, then they fought each other some more, then they had some singles matches, now they’re having a title match. For some reason we get a bunch of clips of the eight man tag from Nitro which doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, other than a boxing match. They’re trying to tie this into the old vs. new feud, which doesn’t even seem to be a thing anymore.

Tag Team Titles: Chris Benoit/Perry Saturn vs. Jersey Triad

The Triad is defending. Kanyon starts on the floor as Saturn and Page slug it out in the middle. It’s Saturn taking over with a bunch of right hands before knocking Bigelow and Kanyon off the apron for good measure. Off to Bigelow vs. Benoit as the announcers call Benoit an uncrowned champion. Hasn’t he been a three time champion by this point? Bam Bam gets dropped into the middle buckle and sent out to the floor for a meeting with his partners.

Back in and Kanyon fights out of a suplex from Saturn and knees him down against the ropes. He grabs the referee to block a German attempt, only to have Benoit chop him into a t-bone. Back to Benoit for the decapitation clothesline followed by a Liontamer (which he used before Jericho). A double clothesline drops Kanyon for two more as the challengers stay in full control. Benoit stomps Kanyon down in the corner and starts in on his leg.

Saturn drops a top rope legdrop for two but Page comes in without a tag to take over, sending Saturn to the floor for a triple team to take over. Bigelow comes in for a big suplex and a falling headbutt for two. Back to Kanyon after Bigelow uses Flair’s “how much time is left” trick. Kanyon drops a leg for one of the slowest two counts I can remember in a long time. The fans get distracted by something in the crowd so Bigelow puts Saturn in a chinlock.

Kanyon comes back in but gets crotched on the top, setting up a belly to belly superplex from Saturn. Benoit gets the hot tag and goes after Bigelow, only to have Page take him down with a top rope clothesline. Page is VERY pleased with this move, running out to the floor and celebrating like a mad man, even climbing onto the barricade. Back in and Page gets two off an elbow drop before it’s off to Bigelow for some fat man offense.

Page comes in again and runs Benoit over for two with Saturn making the save. We get a front chancery from Page but Benoit drives him into the corner for the hot tag, which of course the referee doesn’t see. That wicked sitout powerbomb from Page is good for two. Benoit finally suplexes Kanyon down but Bigelow breaks up a hot tag attempt. Bam Bam misses the moonsault though and we FINALLY get the hot tag to Saturn (which the camera doesn’t catch).

Saturn cleans house with suplexes and clotheslines Page and Kanyon out to the floor. Everything breaks down again and Saturn hits a top rope splash, followed by the Swan Dive from Benoit but Page comes in off the top for the save. Saturn loads Page up with the Death Valley Driver but Kanyon throws powder in his face, only to have it get in Page’s eyes too, causing him to Diamond Cut Kanyon. Bigelow makes the save but Benoit Germans Page for a VERY close two. Page throws in a metal trashcan as the referee gets bumped. He hits Kanyon by mistake but Bigelow comes in for a 3D on Saturn to retain the titles.

Rating: B+. Give that match a less messy finish and it’s a classic. There was a lot of good stuff in here and the majority of it was due to how much time they were given. Everyone was allowed to get in there for awhile and the fans bought into the idea of two guys trying to fight against the big cheating team. They gave it a great effort and the whole thing just worked. Really good stuff here, though not enough to save this disaster of the show.

Clip of Judge Mills Lane agreeing to referee the boxing match. That’s all of the recap because there was no reason for this to be a boxing match other than Piper barely being a wrestler anymore.

Roddy Piper vs. Buff Bagwell

Big time boxing referee Mills Lane is referee here to try to make people care. In case you’ve never seen him, just picture Mr. Strickland from Back to the Future. Piper has Flair in his corner. Buff’s gloves are actually labeled “Buff’s Left” and “Buff’s Right”. Bagwell sees Flair in Piper’s corner, so he has someone to have his back: HIS MOM, “Judge Judy” Bagwell. And I give up. Seriously it was bad enough when this was boxing instead of Piper just doing a freaking job for Bagwell like he should be doing, but now BUFF’S MOM IS HERE???

Flair gives Bagwell a chance to leave but Buff reminds him of the pin off the Blockbuster a few weeks back. You know, when Flair put Bagwell over in the middle of the ring in the whole point of this entire story. The rounds are two minutes long here. Piper sticks his chin out to start until Buff hammers him into the corner. The fans are dead at this point if you couldn’t guess. Bagwell tees off on Piper (well, as much as he can BECAUSE HE ISN’T A BOXER) to end the first round.

Flair sprays something on Piper’s gloves in between the rounds as this continues to fall apart. Piper hits a few jabs to the face and Bagwell’s eyes are burning. He gets punched down in the corner as Judy brings over a sponge to try and clean Buff’s eyes out. Back up and Piper wildly swings until Buff knocks Piper down in the corner in an identical sequence from Piper vs. Mr. T. thirteen years ago, because that’s what this is supposed to be….a tribute to I suppose? Piper gets up as round two ends.

I’m going to pause for a second here and give you a bit of context to what is about to happen. Fifteen months ago, WCW was still in control of the Monday Night Wars and hadn’t lost a night in the ratings in nearly two years. Their last win was about nine months before this. Yeah they were in trouble, but it’s not like they were so desperate for something good to happen that they had to go insane. A few weeks back, Buff Bagwell hit his finishing move and pinned Ric Flair in the middle of the ring on Nitro, which should have been the start of a huge push for him. After all that, I give you the third round of this boxing match.

Piper jumps Bagwell in the corner and attacks Bagwell early, so his mother Judy gets in the ring and bites Piper’s ear. She then dumps the spit bucket over Piper’s head as Buff punches Flair off the apron. Buff goes up and hits the Blockbuster on Piper as Judy holds Flair on the apron, allowing Buff to pin Piper for the win. Judy chases the President of WCW around the ring after the match.

Rating: G. As in below an F and for GOOD FREAKING GRIEF THEY REALLY COULDN’T COME UP WITH ANYTHING BETTER THAN THIS??? Piper wasn’t capable of doing a five minute match and doing a job for Bagwell? Does WCW really think that it’s important enough to protect him from taking a fall in a wrestling match that they’ll let him take a fall in a boxing match? Read that sentence back and see how insane it sounds. Now throw in Judy Bagwell and more hijinks than an episode of Looney Tunes and you see what happened to WCW in the summer of 1999.

We recap Nash/Sting vs. Savage/Sid. Savage being a woman beater and Nash potentially raping George is glossed over. On the other hand, the Fake Sting attacking Nash, causing Nash to go after Sting, even though the real Sting came out to beat up the Fake Sting, is left out with only the Fake Sting beating Nash down being shown. For some reason Nash wanted this to be a tag team match where anyone, including his partner, could pin him for the title. Again, this isn’t mentioned in the video. We’ll also ignore Nash saying he saw Sting driving the Hummer before we see that happening in the package.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious/Randy Savage vs. Kevin Nash/Sting

Nash is defending in what is more like a handicap fatal fourway than a tag match if that makes sense. In theory Sting can only pin Nash for the title, meaning it’s basically one on one on two. Thankfully Tony mentions the whole Sting can pin Nash and the real Sting coming out during the entrances. Yes, we’ve reached the point where Tony Schiavone is having to cover for the production team’s goofs.

George (living up to the gorgeous moniker tonight) comes out in sunglasses but takes them off to reveal a black eye as she goes to stand in Nash’s corner. The reason for the black eye isn’t explained because that really wasn’t something that should have happened, nor is it even referenced by the announcers. Savage and Sting start but Randy sees George changing corners and freaks out. Sting uses the chance to deck Savage and the fight is slowly on.

Off to Sid to face Sting as Tony explains the rules, making this match even more confusing that it was in the first place. Sting quickly knocks Sid out to the floor but Nash isn’t interested in tagging. So in theory, if Nash doesn’t get pinned, he doesn’t lose the title? It’s not like we’ve ever gotten a clear answer to that, though to be fair I doubt WCW thought it that far through. Sid and Savage start double teaming Sting with the big man putting on a bad looking camel clutch.

Savage comes in and spits at the champ, but thankfully doesn’t hit his hair. Sting finally rolls away and makes the tag to Nash for all the usual offense. He has Savage in trouble but gives Sting a very hard tag to get out. Sting takes it outside and splashes the barricade before Savage takes him back inside for some choking. Tony points out that almost no one has tries to pin Nash yet, making the whole stipulation rather pointless.

Sid hooks one of the lamest chinlocks I’ve ever seen on Sting, who is nice enough to go down to the mat in a heap. Granted he might have fainted after hearing some of the nonsense they actually aired on this show. Sting fights up again and does the falling low blow spot, allowing for the hot tag off to Nash.

Everything breaks down and the girls come in, only to have Sting splash both of them plus Sid. Savage and Nash get splashed at the same time, allowing Sid to plant Sting with a chokeslam. George gets in and low blows Nash (SHOCK AND AWE, SHOCK AND AWE), setting up the big elbow from Savage for the pin and the title.

Rating: D-. I wonder if they bothered to tell everyone else in the match about the whole Sting can pin Nash rule, because it was NEVER attempted and was a complete non factor. George’s face turn (can you even call it that?) lasted all of twelve minutes, meaning she’s picking the woman beater over the kidnapper and potential rapist. I can’t believe I just had to type that, so I’ll wrap it up by saying it’s a horrible match.

Overall Rating: F. The fact that a REALLY good twenty three minute Tag Team Title match is needed to bring this show up to a failure tells you all you need to know. This show had eight matches. One of them was a joke with David Flair needing an army to beat Malenko, one wasn’t wrestling because it was a big fight in a junkyard, and one was a boxing match. Two of the others were matches that belonged on Thunder at best, another one was a boring elimination tag, and one MADE NO FREAKING SENSE.

This show blew my mind in ways that I honestly didn’t think were possible. Just let some of this stuff sink in for a few minutes. Roddy Piper apparently can’t be trusted in a five minute match, we can’t have a DQ anymore because Rick Steiner wouldn’t be able to have a match break 10 seconds if we did, and we have to drop stipulations that are made less than three days before the match. WCW is dying before our eyes and it’s kind of amazing to see in a morbid way.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Bash at the Beach 1998
Date: July 12, 1998
Location: Cox Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 10,095
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

 

 

Tonight is all about the celebrities as the main event is DDP/Karl Malone vs. Hollywood Hogan/Dennis Rodman. We’ve also got football player Kevin Greene vs. the Giant in what was supposed to be a tag match. Their original partners are in a world title match as new champion Goldberg defends against Curt Hennig. The midcard matches should be solid, meaning this has potential to be something good. Let’s get to it.

 

 

The opening video focuses on the three major matches tonight with some shots of the beach cut in as well.

 

 

The set is the usual intricate beach setting with sand, lifeguard towers and beach balls. The announcers wearing hula shirts is a nice touch as well.

 

 

We get an intro from the announcers, bragging about all the media attention the show has been getting. Nothing wrong with that.

 

 

Gene, in a white tuxedo, hypes up the hotline.

 

 

Raven vs. Saturn

 

 

Under Raven’s Rules of course. Saturn is in trunks now instead of jeans. Raven of course has Riggs and Lodi with him, the latter being dressed like Hat Guy. Saturn meets him in the aisle to start and whips Raven into the barricade very hard. He chokes Raven with the shirt and takes it inside for the first time. Saturn slips on the top for a bit but comes back with a quick missile dropkick to put Raven down. An ankle lock is quickly broken by Raven grabbing the ropes, even though there are no rules so there’s nothing the referee can threaten Saturn with.

 

 

Raven avoids a legdrop and hits a quick knee lift to put Saturn down for a breather. It’s already table time (Tony: “He’s got a chair.”) but Raven gets crotched while trying to suplex Saturn over the top and through the table. They head to the floor with Raven hitting the Russian legsweep into the barricade for two, even with Raven’s feet on the ropes. Raven’s sleeper is countered by a jawbreaker and both guys are down again. Saturn is up first for some kicks in the corner and a suplex to take over.

 

 

Now it’s chair time (complete with jokes from Heenan at Tony’s expense) with Saturn hitting a spinning springboard legdrop onto Raven onto the chair for two. Saturn takes out Riggs and Lodi but crushes Nick Patrick in the corner with a springboard leg lariat in the corner. Out to the floor again with Raven being bulldogged into the steps.

 

 

Saturn sets up another table next on top of the original with Raven in between but here’s Kanyon to turn on Saturn, pulling Raven out from between the tables. We hit the shades of gray as Kanyon takes Raven inside and gives him the Flatliner onto the chair. Riggs rolls in Saturn and puts Raven on top for two. Saturn comes back with a Death Valley Driver to Riggs but the Even Flow is enough for the pin for Raven.

 

 

Rating: C. The match was fun but as usual, they’re not actually going anywhere with all this stuff. So many of the feuds just go in circles and that doesn’t help anyone at all in the end. Kanyon and Saturn need to do something soon to capitalize on all these awesome moments they’ve had but it seems like they’re going to be doing the same stuff they’ve been doing for months.

 

 

Here’s Eddie to talk about Chavo’s match with Stevie Ray before his hair vs. hair match with Eddie. This is the first mention of Stevie being involved in the PPV, which might be a good idea. Eddie says Stevie is going to destroy Chavo and Eddie will pick up the pieces.

 

 

Juventud Guerrera vs. Kidman

 

 

Wasn’t this supposed to be Juvy vs. Reese II? Kidman looks much cleaner than usual. They lock up to start with Kidman taking over with a headlock. Both guys hit the ropes a few times and they flip to a stalemate. Kidman gets chopped against the ropes and takes down by a headscissors. Lodi pulls Juvy to the floor for a quick beating but Kidman takes out his Flock mate on a dive. Guerrera slides back in and hits a HUGE dive to take both guys down.

 

 

Back in and Kidman slams him down before taking it right back to the floor. Juvy is dropped throat first across the barricade but Kidman misses a charge off the apron to send himself crashing into the barricade as well. They head to the apron with Juvy hitting a sunset bomb to slam Kidman onto the floor again. The fans of course get on Lodi instead of paying attention to the match.

 

 

Juvy throws him inside again and stomps Kidman in the corner a bit before loading up a top rope hurricanrana. Kidman counters with a low blow and a top rope sitout spinebuster for a big crash and two. Back up and Kidman chops away but gets rolled up for two. They head to the corner again and Kidman gets crotched on the top rope, allowing Juvy to hit a springboard hurricanrana for a close two. Kidman’s middle rope bulldog gets the same and they trade rollups for two. The Juvy Driver gets two but Kidman slams him down to set up the Seven Year Itch. Juvy rolls away at the last second though and it’s the 450 for the pin.

 

 

Rating: B-. Good match here as you would expect from these guys. It’s nowhere near their best but it’s better than Reese vs. Juvy would have been. This would have been a good choice for the opener as the fans got into it, even though a lot of their heat was directed at Lodi. Fun stuff.

 

 

Konnan is on WCW.com, talking about his family eating fish tacos.

 

 

Stevie Ray vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

 

 

This is a result of a one off conversation between these two on Nitro. Chavo has a Super Soaker and an inflatable duck around his waist. Eddie comes out to watch so Chavo dedicates the match to him. Chavo avoids contact for awhile before offering a handshake. Stevie shakes his hand…..and Chavo submits. For some reason, Stevie is mad even though he won.

 

 

Time for the hair vs. hair match and Eddie is livid.

 

 

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

 

 

Loser gets a haircut. They lock up to start and Eddie leapfrogs him, only to be bitten on the tights, sending him out to the floor. Back in and Eddie asks the referee to look at the injury but Charles Robinson is just fine thank you. Now Chavo wants to dance a bit. A frustrated Eddie kicks the turnbuckle and injures his foot, sending him out to the floor. Eddie throws in a chair but Chavo sits down in it and asks Eddie to come in. Things settle down a bit and Eddie gets on his knees to ask for a handshake. Chavo takes his hand and pulls Eddie into a clothesline as we actually get going.

 

 

Eddie hides in the corner at the referee’s knees but gets bitten again as the comedy continues. Eddie finally dropkicks the knee out and sends Chavo into the corner to take over. Some shoulders to Chavo’s back in the corner have him in even more trouble and a gutbuster puts him down again. A low dropkick sets up a slingshot hilo to stay on Chavo’s back and the nephew is in trouble. There’s the Gory Special in the middle of the ring but Chavo gets his legs free, only to be clotheslined right back down.

 

 

We hit a camel clutch on Chavo for a bit before Eddie fires off some chops against the ropes. Chavo avoids a dropkick and scores with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to put Eddie down. Eddie pulls the trunks to send Chavo to the floor and pulls back the mats. The brainbuster is countered though and Chavo suplexes him down onto the exposed concrete. Back in and Chavo goes up again but gets crotched down, setting up an Eddie superplex to put both guys down.

 

 

Back up and Chavo launches Eddie over his head and face first into the turnbuckle but Chavo’s frog splash hits knees. Eddie’s tornado DDT (Chavo’s finisher) puts Chavo down and Eddie goes for the scissors. That’s not cool with Little Naitch so Eddie tries the frog splash to a similar result. Now Chavo goes for the scissors but the referee takes them away, allowing Eddie to get a rollup for the pin.

 

 

Rating: B-. To no surprise, this was a good match. Chavo has grown up a lot in this feud and the matches are getting better and better every time. I’m digging Chavo being crazy yet brilliant with stuff like the handshake submission earlier. He’s gone from nothing to an interesting character which was the idea all along.

 

 

Post match Chavo grabs the electric clippers and shaves his own hair off. He offers to cut Eddie’s as well so they can be twins. Chavo: “You don’t want to cut my hair? What a psycho!” Chavo cuts his own hair and shaves the whole thing off.

 

 

We get an odd few moments during the haircut as Tony talks like the main event is up next before going into a full recap of Jericho vs. Malenko. Instead of either of those, we get this.

 

 

Disco Inferno vs. Konnan

 

 

This is a bonus match and Disco is officially from FUNKYTOWN. Before the match, Alex and Disco imitate Konnan in an unfunny bit. Nash and Luger come out with Konnan which is some serious overkill. They’re just a comedy tag team guys. Nash and Konnan do their full entrances and talking bits as we’re clearly filling time now.

 

 

Konnan takes him down with ease and stomps on Disco’s back. An X-Factor and the rolling lariat put Inferno down again but Wright pulls him to the floor for an attack. Luger Racks Alex, allowing Nash to Jackknife Disco. Konnan puts on the Tequila Sunrise for the easy submission. That’s three people interfering in a two minute match with no backstory for those of you keeping track. This is why we needed another NWO group?

 

 

Kevin Greene vs. The Giant

 

 

Greene is very fired up here. He rolls away from Giant to start and sneaks in a slap to the face. Giant growls at him so Kevin bails to the floor. Greene kicks the ropes to crotch Giant as they come back in before pounding away in the corner. The fans are into this and it helps that Greene could probably get a job on his looks and charisma alone. Giant catches him in a bearhug though and spinebusts him down to take over.

 

 

A Goldberg chant starts up so Giant pounds Greene in the head out of anger. Back up and Giant chops away as Tony talks about the Georgia Dome show getting 39,919 people. Every source I can find says it was over 40,000, so why would WCW understate it? I’ve never understood that.

 

 

Anyway Greene snaps Giant’s throat across the ropes but gets headbutted right back down. They head to the floor with Giant going face first into the barricade a few times before heading back inside. Kevin hits a top rope forearm to drop Giant for two and it’s time to go for the knees. That lasts about two seconds before Greene charges into a chokeslam in the corner for the pin.

 

 

Rating: C+. That’s on a very adjusted scale considering that Greene isn’t a wrestler. Factoring that in, this was some very impressive stuff. Greene looked completely comfortable out there and there wasn’t a single time there where he looked lost. If he wasn’t an incredible football player, he had a career in wrestling for sure. Entertaining stuff here again.

 

 

Hennig says Goldberg doesn’t have the heart to beat him.

 

 

We recap Jericho vs. Malenko with a video from Nitro, showing Malenko getting handcuffed for attacking Jericho after the insults about Dean’s dad.

 

 

We still don’t know who Jericho’s opponent is tonight so he comes to the ring with a cane while wearing a top hat as he promised to do. He teases a softshoe but here’s JJ to interrupt. Dillon thinks he might have made a mistake about Jericho, but we have an opponent. He hasn’t been in the ring in six months, but it’ll be a No DQ match like it was supposed to be with Malenko. Jericho: “Bring out the jobber!”

 

 

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

 

 

Rey is clearly limping on the way to the ring but has a VERY muscular physique. Rey fires off forearms in the corner and dropkicks Chris into the ropes. Jericho bails to the floor for a breather but comes back in to go after the bad knee. They head up the aisle and fight on the lifeguard’s before Rey hurricanranas him down onto the “irritating” (Tony’s word) sand.

 

 

Back in and Jericho rolls through a high cross body for two before hitting something like a top rope powerslam for no cover. Jericho grabs a chair and goes after the knee but spends too long mocking Rey, allowing Mysterio to get in some shots to Jericho’s knee. The West Coast Pop is badly botched to the point it looks like a powerbomb on Rey. He bails to the ropes to avoid the Liontamer but here’s the suspended Dean Malenko. The distraction lets Rey snap off a hurricanrana for the pin and the title.

 

 

Rating: D+. This didn’t work very well. It’s not a horrible match but Rey looked very rusty out there. The crowd was happy to see him, but they booked themselves into a corner with Dean. He needs to get his revenge on Jericho and be done with it but this just extends the story out even longer. Hopefully Rey gets better with some more ring time.

 

 

Post match Dean chases Jericho to the back and Arn Anderson slows Jericho down, allowing Malenko to get in some shots.

 

 

TV Title: Booker T vs. Bret Hart

 

 

Booker is defending after being goaded into the match by some Bret chair shots. Bret gets taken to the mat but comes back with right hands to the face to take over. A snapmare gets two for Booker and he sends Bret out to the floor. Bret comes back with a whip into the barricade and we head back inside for the first shots at Booker’s braced knee. Booker grabs a quick spinebuster for a floatover two count but Bret backdrops out him out to the floor.

 

 

Back in and Bret stays on the knee before getting two off a Russian legsweep. Booker gets stomped down in the corner but comes back with a quick side kick and the flapjack. There’s the Spinarooni but Booker doesn’t snap to his feet as he usually does. The missile dropkick gets two as Bret gets his foot on the ropes. Bret goes outside and grabs a chair to stop a diving Booker for a DQ.

 

 

Rating: D+. Well that happened. Really there isn’t much else to say about this match. The match was just there with Bret doing some stuff, Booker coming back, then Bret ending it with the chair. Bret is probably at the top of the list of guys who were wasted in WCW as he went from WWF Champion to losing in a lower card title match inside of eight months. That’s impressive even by WCW standards.

 

 

Bret goes after the knee with the chair and cracks it over the exposed knee cap. He hooks the Heartbreaker around the post and Stevie Ray takes his sweet time in making the save.

 

 

Video on Goldberg’s big night on Monday.

 

 

WCW World Title: Goldberg vs. Curt Hennig

 

 

No Rude for the challenger tonight. Goldberg runs him over to start and hits a kind of release belly to belly, sending Curt into the corner. Goldberg uses his legs to take Hennig down and Curt bails to the floor. Back in and Goldberg charges into a boot in the corner but Hennig gets caught in a gorilla press powerslam. Curt goes after the knee with a chop block and some cannonballs. The HennigPlex gets two and it’s the spear and Jackhammer to retain the title.

 

 

Rating: D. You know all those other Goldberg matches? Read whatever I said about any of those and swap out whatever that opponent’s name for Curt Hennig.

 

 

We recap the main event without words. Basically the basketball players don’t like each other because they played in the finals twice in a row and Hogan said some stuff about Page that DDP didn’t like.

 

 

Diamond Dallas Page/Karl Malone vs. Dennis Rodman/Hollywood Hogan

 

 

Page and Malone have matching attire, which look like they jumped into a vat of hot glue with their jeans on. They come out to some hip hop song that keeps saying “feel the bang.” Malone looks like he’s been carved out of granite while Rodman is in a t-shirt and jeans. The basketball players get us going but first Hogan has to take off Rodman’s glasses. Rodman runs to the ropes to hide and the fans are all over him. That works so well that they do it a second time. A test of strength doesn’t happen as we hit two minutes into the match.

 

 

Rodman grabs a headlock but bails to the floor when Malone charges at him. Off to Hogan for a posedown with Hollywood getting frustrated. Malone hooks a kind of standing chinlock (imagine a left arm Rock Bottom but he clasps his hands together and squeezes) before slamming Hogan down. We’re five minutes in now and it’s off to Page. DDP gets Rodman and shoves him down off a lockup. A shoulder puts Rodman down again as the stalling continues. They spit at each other and Rodman armdrags him down. Somehow we’re seven minutes into this match.

 

 

They hit the ropes a bit and collide to send both guys down. Back to the headlock by Rodman but Page reverses into one of his own. The fans are clearly getting restless. Rodman leapfrogs Page twice and they collide again to give us more laying down. Malone comes in and kicks at Rodman, sending him over to Hogan for the tag. Karl hooks a top wristlock and shoves Hogan to the mat. Hogan complains of a hair pull and Rodman gets in a cheap shot to get to the whole tag match idea for the first time.

 

 

Hogan chokes a lot and slams Malone down before raking the boot over Malone’s eyes. Rodman comes in with some elbow drops before it’s back to Hogan for a chinlock. Here’s Rodman again for some double teaming and a belly to back suplex from Hogan. Hollywood misses an elbow though and it’s hot tag to Page. DDP comes in with a top rope clothesline to Hogan but a cheap shot from Rodman lets the NWO take over again. Hogan chokes away in the corner with his boot followed by a running clothesline.

 

 

Rodman comes in for a double big boot and more choking before it’s back to Hogan for right hands in the corner. Page hits a quick elbow but Rodman breaks up the tag attempt and puts on a front facelock. Malone plays cheerleader on the apron and we get the unseen and phantom tag tropes to space the match out even more. The big boot puts Page down but he avoids the legdrop and it’s hot tag off to Malone.

 

 

Clotheslines all around put the NWO down and they both get slams. There’s a double noggin knocker followed by Hogan’s head going into the buckle. A big boot drops Hogan and it’s off to Page for a running Diamond Cutter (Hogan landed on his hands, making the move look horrible). Malone Diamond Cuts Rodman but Disciple sneaks in with a Stunner to Page, giving Hogan the pin and a face pop for some reason.

 

 

Rating: F. This was about what you knew it was going to be, though it could have been FAR worse. Malone was clearly taking this seriously which is more than you can say for most celebrities in matches. Rodman looked like your usual celebrity wrestler: decent at the one or two really basic moves he used but pretty worthless otherwise. I’ve read before that this was originally booked to go nearly an hour, which makes me shiver in fear. I guess Hogan needed this win as a thank you for the mainstream attention he brought in?

 

 

Malone gives Disciple and the referee Diamond Cutters (good ones too) and the NWO celebrates like this is a big deal.

 

 

The announcers talk a bit to wrap things up.

 

 

Overall Rating: C. This is the WCW PPV formula but a better version than usual. The earlier stuff is mostly good while the main events cripple it, though Goldberg’s match was what the fans wanted to see and was executed as well as it could have been. The problem with the company is the same as always though: the main stories aren’t going anywhere. The tag match doesn’t change anything here and everyone involved in it now needs to start a new story. It’s a good show overall, but as usual turn it off before the main event.

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I found this at a bookstore the other day and thought I’d throw it on ebay to see if anyone would buy it.  It’s the original VHS of Bash at the Beach 1996, the Hogan heel turn show, and is in good condition.  I have a few more wrestling things I might put up if this sells.  Buy it before the auction ends tomorrow.

 

 

http://www.ebay.com/itm/321179254556?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

Bash at the Beach 1998
Date: July 12, 1998
Location: Cox Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 10,095
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

 

Remember that horrible main event last year with an NBA player in it? Well this one has two NBA players. Yes this time it’s DDP/Karl Malone vs. Hogan/Rodman. At least there’s a world title match here though as this is 6 days after Goldberg beat Hogan for the title so he’s got Hennig tonight. Also the annoying Kevin Greene is back because we need MORE non-wrestling athletes. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video more or less just lists off the participants in the matches I just told you.

 

The announcers talk forever about how huge this is.

 

Raven vs. Perry Saturn

 

Raven’s Rules of course. This is the beginning of the Saturn frees the Flock stuff. Lodi is dressed like Hat Guy. Riggs is with Raven and let’s talk about the main event. I mean we gave them a full half second after the bell rang to be about them. They fight outside and Raven goes into the railing. Into the ring and Saturn slips off the top. He catches himself on the mat though and hits a dropkick.

 

Saturn throws on a hold and Raven taps but it doesn’t count for whatever reason. He misses a guillotine legdrop though and Raven is able to get a table. Saturn manages to crotch him but misses a dive and lands on the floor again. Raven hits the Russian leg sweep into the railing. Sleeper doesn’t get Raven anywhere as Saturn gets a jawbreaker to counter.

 

Raven gets drilled in the corner with a bunch of kicks and now a suplex. Saturn grabs a chair and bashes Raven with it a few times but only gets two. Saturn sets for something but Riggs and Lodi come in for the save. Perry suplexes them both at once to send them flying and accidentally drills the referee. Out to the floor and Raven gets bulldogged into the steps. Saturn sets up another table and puts a table on top of him.

 

Saturn goes up top but Kanyon comes out and pulls Raven off the table before Saturn jumps. Saturn jumps anyway so are we supposed to believe Saturn just couldn’t see it? Seriously? Saturn mostly misses the tables anyway so he wouldn’t have hit Raven even if Kanyon hadn’t moved him. Kanyon hits a Flatliner (Downward Spiral) on Raven onto the chair. Saturn is rolled in and Raven gets two. Riggs comes in again and takes a DVD but the opening allows Raven to get the Evenflow DDT to end this.

 

Rating: C+. Some of the bumps here were pretty good but these two had the same match for like a year. This wasn’t too bad though, although the table bump was really stupid looking due to the total miss and Saturn looking like a total idiot. This feud would go on a few more months until Saturn freed the Flock, more or less ending their usefulness outside of Kidman.

 

Eddie says he’ll win his hair vs. hair match against Chavo because Chavo is insane. Also Chavo has a match with Stevie Ray before he has to face Eddie.

 

Juventud Guerrera vs. Kidman

 

Not a title match here. Just a cruiserweight match for the sake of having a cruiserweight match. Juvy is a face and Kidman is a part of the Flock. They lock up to start and then slug it out for a bit before Kidman grabs a headlock. A lot of speed to start and Juvy takes over with a set of chops and a headscissors, followed by a clothesline to the floor. Lodi saves a big dive by Juvy and hits him with “Lethal” (Tony’s word not mine) forearms to the back.

 

Kidman misses a dive so Juvy shows him how it’s done, taking out Lodi and Kidman. He kicks Lodi’s hat and the fans boo. Back in the ring for another counter sequence but this one ends better for Kidman as he hits a wheelbarrow suplex. Out to the floor and Kidman picks him up for what looks like a powerbomb but drops Juvy backwards to clothesline him on the railing.

 

Kidman goes to the apron and dives into the railing by mistake to shift the momentum again. Juvy gets a sunset bomb to the floor after some resistance from Kidman. Tony of course calls it a sidewalk slam because he’s an idiot. Back in the ring Kidman uses a low blow to break up a top rope rana and hits a sitout spinebuster off the top in a cool move. It only gets two and we hit a well deserved chinlock.

 

More chopping and ducking follow and Juvy gets a rollup for two. Juvy gets tossed to the floor so Kidman goes up to dive. Juvy gets up for the save and Kidman gets crotched, followed by a springboard rana for two. Juvy gets a Rock Bottom suplex for two. Kidman pops up to hit a springboard bulldog for two (think Stratusfaction). Pinfall reversal sequence doesn’t go anywhere but Kidman walks into the Juvy Driver for two. Juvy charges at Kidman and gets caught in a spinebuster. Kidman misses the Shooting Star and the miss is enough for Juvy to get the 450 for the pin.

 

Rating: B. Really good match here as this is what the cruiserweights were supposed to be about: just going out there and going insane, hitting all kinds of stuff you wouldn’t see elsewhere. Kidman would get a lot better and Juvy would decline a bit as a heel but this was still awesome stuff. Really liked it as they just went out and had a good match. What more can you ask of them?

 

Konnan is on an internet chat. Konnan on the internet is never a good thing. Just ask X.

 

Stevie Ray vs. Chavo Guerrero

 

Not sure why Stevie was picked but this was so that Chavo wouldn’t be at 100% to face Eddie later. Chavo is crazy at this point. He comes out with a water gun and an inner tube around his stomach. Eddie comes out with some scissors to great heat. Chavo dedicates this to his favorite wrestler, Eddie Guerrero. The hair vs. hair match is right after this. Chavo avoids Stevie then poses and dances. He offers a handshake which Stevie actually accepts. While in the handshake, Chavo submits. Apparently Chavo is crazy like a psycho.

 

Chavo Guerrero vs. Eddie Guerrero

 

Chavo bites him to start as Mike talks about the significance of hair vs. hair in Mexico. Now Chavo dances some more as we haven’t had any significant contact in the first two minutes or so. Eddie gets a chair and that doesn’t work of course. Chavo sits in said chair and maybe now we can get a match? Eddie offers a handshake and Chavo takes it, pulling him into a clothesline.

 

We finally get going after two and a half minutes. Backdrop to Eddie so he hides with the referee. Chavo bites him again as this isn’t much of a match for the first three and a half minutes so far. Eddie gets a dropkick to the knee and fires off some shoulders to the back. Slingshot hilo has Chavo in more trouble. After nothing of note on the floor there’s the Gory Special to Chavo. Nice touch.

 

Camel clutch goes on. Did someone grab a camel in that once and say it seemed like a good name for a wrestling match? Out to the floor and Eddie rams his head into the steps. There go the mats at ringside and Eddie wants a brainbuster. Chavo counters into a regular suplex and Eddie is in trouble. The younger one goes up and is crotched so Eddie hits a superplex to put both guys down.

 

Chavo gets the advantage and tries a frog splash but Eddie gets the knees up just in time. Eddie tries Chavo’s tornado DDT and this time it hits, allowing Eddie to grab some scissors before it’s time. Frog splash by Eddie misses and now Chavo hits the tornado DDT. He grabs the scissors, allowing Eddie to get a small package for the pin.

 

Rating: C. Not as good as you would expect here as they were kind of all over the place. The comedy at the beginning didn’t work and they were more or less mirroring each other after that. It’s not bad but for Chavo vs. Eddie you kind of expect a lot more than what you got here.

 

Post match Chavo goes insane and cuts his own hair while he makes sound effects. He plays the psycho really well.

 

Apparently Malenko vs. Jericho is off due to Malenko snapping and beating up Jericho on Nitro. Jericho will defend the title against a mystery opponent later tonight.

 

Konnan vs. Disco Inferno

 

This is an added bonus match. It’s a Wrestlezone special I guess. Disco is billed from Funkytown of all places. Alex Wright is with Disco here and tries to speak some Spanish. Thankfully Mike and Tony are here to tell us they can’t speak Spanish. Where would we be without them to explain jokes to us? Nash and Luger are with Konnan. Gee I wonder what’s going to happen. Nash talks for awhile to eat up more time.

 

Disco gets beaten down quickly which shouldn’t surprise anyone. We hear about Disco’s legit good resume in wrestling which is often forgotten. Disco gets in some jobber offense as it’s pretty clear what we’ve got on our hands here. Wright gets in some shots while Luger/Nash aren’t thrilled with it. There’s a Rack for Wright and a powerbomb for Disco. Tequila Sunrise ends this squash.

 

The Giant vs. Kevin Greene

 

Giant is black and white and Greene is here because WCW isn’t that smart. Greene is a guy that wasn’t that skilled but he was clearly having a blast out there and wanted to be out there doing this. He runs a lot which is smart strategy. Greene kicks the rope into the Little Giants and tries some punches in the corner but gets caught in a spinebuster (called a gutwrench waistlock slam by Tony) and the beating begins.

 

The fans chant for Goldberg but he’s not coming for a bit longer. The scary thing about Giant here is that he’s 26 years old. Bobby implies that Giant might be able to reach Andre’s undefeated streak. Dude, seriously? Greene tries a comeback and a headbutt stops that cold. After a brief thing on the floor Greene hits a forearm off the top and goes after the knee. He charges out of the corner into the chokeslam though and we’re done.

 

Rating: C+. This grade isn’t the same as I would use for a regular wrestling match. This was a wrestler vs. a football player and considering that, this was pretty good actually. Greene wasn’t supposed to be anything special and he was trying, which is exactly what he was supposed to do. Nothing great mind you, but all things considered this was fine.

 

Hennig says he can beat Goldberg.

 

We recap Malenko losing his title shot after Jericho cost him a match and then implied that Dean’s dad slept around and that his mother was a w****.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. ???

 

Jericho doesn’t know who he’s facing and he comes out in a top hat with a cane and does a softshoe routine. JJ Dillon comes out and makes the match. Apparently it’s with a local kid that hasn’t wrestled in six months. It’s also No DQ still which was to be the stipulation with Malenko.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio

 

Rey takes over to start and is more muscular than he used to be. After a bit on the floor, Jericho gets a shot to the knee back in the ring. Jericho has apparently had enough and goes up to the set, more or less ending the interesting part of the match. They fight up a lifeguard chair and Rey dives onto Jericho on the sand. Back to the ring and Jericho gets a nice powerslam off the top (called a top rope powerslam by Tony. Wait that was correct. I need a minute to recover from that one).

 

Jericho tries to Pillmanize the leg but Rey moves, sending Jericho crashing into the chair. Rey swings away at it and dropkicks it into the knee. Jericho is in trouble all of a sudden and a facejam looks to set up the West Coast Pop. Liontamer is blocked and Rey gets to the ropes. Here comes Malenko as Jericho tries the Liontamer again. Rey rolls through for the pin and the title. Note here that Malenko DID NOT TOUCH JERICHO. He wasn’t in the ring, he wasn’t within 20 feet of the ring.

 

Rating: C-. Not much here at all but the opening was good. After that the whole thing changed and given that the match was only about six minutes long, I’m not sure what was going on here. Rey didn’t look completely comfortable on the knee so maybe that was it. Also, the reason to note Dean’s lack of involvement was the title would be returned to Jericho the next night due to Dean’s “interference”.

 

Malenko and Jericho fight to the back as Jericho tries to escape.

 

TV Title: Bret Hart vs. Booker T

 

Bret still hasn’t really done anything so let’s take that big acquisition and put him in the lower midcard and in the NWO. You know, because he’s just another guy. Booker is champion if that wasn’t clear. They head to the mat and Bret comes out ahead there. Booker gets a cross body for two. Bret is sent to the floor and is in trouble already. He does manage to take over on the floor and takes over back inside.

 

Booker is still in trouble as they go outside. He goes into the railing and Bret rams his back into the post which isn’t a DQ somehow. Five Moves of Doom get some two counts. This is really boring. Booker tries his Jack Brisco sunset flip out of the corner but botches it badly. Booker gets a kick to put Bret down and follows it up with the axe kick and Bret is down. There’s a flapjack and Booker spins up. Missile dropkick gets two. And never mind as Bret hits Booker with a chair for a DQ. Give me a break.

 

Rating: D-. Just a really boring match here as Bret continues to be totally wasted. I mean seriously, Booker T is good but at this point he should have bowed down to Bret and thanked him for beating him for the TV Title. Bret would FINALLY get something a few weeks later, winning the vacant US Title. Still though, this was really bad and the ending hurt it horribly.

 

Bret destroys the knee until Stevie walks out and tells him to stop.

 

Video on Goldberg who won the title six days ago. Also Hall got destroyed earlier in the night. The video makes it look like Goldberg squashed Hall in about 9 seconds. I still can’t believe they just had Goldberg beat Hogan on 4 days’ notice for the title on free TV. But hey, they managed to beat Raw for one night. Who cares that it would have brought in hundreds of thousands of buys and millions of dollars on PPV?

 

WCW World Title: Goldberg vs. Curt Hennig

 

This was added during the week, probably on Thunder. Hennig of course bounces around like a pinball. Goldberg tries his rolling leg lock and messes it up so Curt hits the floor. He tries to go up top and that totally fails. Hennig tries to go after the leg and spends a minute or so doing that as the fans chant for the champion. This time Goldberg manages to get the leg lock but walks into the Perfectplex for two. Spear and Jackhammer end this maybe a second later.

 

Rating: D. Just a squash here which isn’t what is supposed to happen on a PPV in a world title match. It wasn’t anything we hadn’t seen a hundred times (literally) before. Goldberg would mow through everyone until the idiocy of Halloween Havoc and the further idiocy of Starrcade. Nothing match here that wasn’t even four minutes long.

 

We recap the main event. Basically WCW decided to bring in celebrities for the sake of bringing in celebrities, making the main event wrestler/NBA player vs. wrestler/NBA player. Allegedly Rodman wasn’t seen until a few hours before show time and was in no condition to perform here. Did I mention this match is going to have half an hour to fill?

 

Hulk Hogan/Dennis Rodman vs. Diamond Dallas Page/Karl Malone

 

I actually watched this show when it aired with a buddy of mine and he said it looked like Malone and Page jumped into a vat of glue with their jeans on. I think he’s onto something with that theory. For some reason the heels’ music changes from Voodoo Child to the traditional NWO song halfway through their entrance. Malone comes out to some bad rap song. Dang he has long arms.

 

The basketball players start us off and it’s time to stall. Minute and a half of no contact yet. Test of strength is teased but Malone slaps Rodman’s hand away. It was Malone’s idea mind you. Two minutes in now and no real contact. They lock up and Rodman grabs a headlock. And never mind as we need to stall some more as Rodman goes to the floor. 2:45 in now with a headlock being all the contact. The world title match was 3:50. Off to Hogan vs. Malone and they have a pose off. Test of strength is teased….and doesn’t happen.

 

This match is officially longer than the world title match and we’ve had a total of one headlock. I actually want to see how far they can take this. At 4:12, they lock up. Malone puts on a hold that I don’t have an actual name for. It’s kind of like a headlock I guess. Picture a guy setting for a left armed Rock Bottom and clasping his arms around and kind of holding them there. Malone slams him (not bad) and it’s off to Page. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see DDP in a match.

 

Page of course wants Rodman because we haven’t been bored enough yet. They lock up and it’s time to stall AGAIN. The fans chant boring and I can’t blame them. We’re at 6:00 now and here’s what’s happened so far: headlock, tieup, that hold Malone did, slam and another tieup. Seriously, NOTHING ELSE HAS HAPPENED. Jericho vs. Mysterio was 6:00 and it was bad, but at least it was a match.

 

They tieup again and Page shoves him off again. Page and Rodman spit at each other as we add an “armdrag” to the list of what’s gone on. This is now longer than Giant vs. Greene. The announcers freak and Hogan struts on the apron. Page grabs a headlock and even Tony is saying this is something of note finally. They collide and Rodman goes down. Another lockup and Rodman puts on headlock #4 as we hit the 8:00 mark.

 

We now see why Rodman is either drunk, high, or just awful at this. Rodman has a headlock on and Page tries to shoot him into the ropes. That’s a counter that I’m sure you’ve seen hundreds of times. Nothing special about it and perfectly normal. Rodman falls down and pulls Page with him, resulting in Page getting a two count. This is just embarrassing at this point. Actually it was embarrassing five minutes ago.

 

Page now with a head/chin lock and gets sent into the ropes. Rodman rams him with a shoulder block….and falls forward, allowing Page to get two again. Fans are openly booing now as Malone comes in. Rodman never gets up and tags Hogan. Hogan puts on a top wristlock which is shrugged off by Malone. Malone obviously isn’t skilled, but he’s trying and is fired up out there, which is really all you can ask for.

 

We’re over ten minutes in now and somehow that’s not even halfway through. Rodman actually does something as he hits a double axe to Malone to give Hulk the advantage. Hogan chokes a lot as you have to wonder why DDP vs. Hogan hasn’t gotten more time. I mean, they actually, know how to wrestle and such. Hogan slams him and drops some elbows. Back to Rodman who looks sleepy.

 

Rodman rams Malone into Hogan’s boot and it’s back to Hulk. Malone’s selling is pretty good actually. Off to a chinlock for a bit and Rodman comes in to hold Malone. Hogan punches Malone and Rodman falls down. Belly to back to Malone with Hogan making sure to be as careful as possible. Malone finally gets the hot tag to Page and he comes in off the top with a clothesline.

 

Things wake up for about 15 seconds until Rodman knees him in the back to let Hulk take over again. There’s the weightlifting belt to Page’s back. This is so boring it’s unreal. Double clothesline puts Page down. Hogan chokes him in the corner as we’re finally in a regular match with more than a move every three minutes. And never mind as that’s enough for Hogan so it’s off to Dennis again.

 

The heels seem like they don’t want to stay in the ring at all. Hogan suplexes Page and it’s back to The Worm. The fans chant for Page who at least fights back. Rodman puts a front chancery on as Malone plays cheerleader. The heels switch without a tag and the legdrop misses. Off to Malone who does some very basic stuff but does it well enough, all things considered. Double noggin knocker puts the heels down.

 

Malone hits a big boot and it’s not bad at all. Off to Page again and there’s the Diamond Cutter to FINALLY wake the crowd up. Malone hits what is supposed to be a Diamond Cutter on Rodman but was more like he grabbed Rodman’s shirt and pulled him down with it. The referee has to get Malone out so Disciple comes in to hit a Stunner on Page for Hogan to get the cheap pin.

 

Rating: N. As in no or not acceptable. This was the match that the show was sold on and it was atrocious. The idea of putting celebrities in the main event, even athletic ones, is stupid for one simple reason: they can’t wrestle. They’re not trained to do it and they don’t know how to do it.

 

Having Malone and Rodman as seconds or enforcers or whatever while Page and Hogan have a match is fine, but having like 8 minutes of stalling because they don’t know what to do isn’t fine. This is on WCW, not Rodman who at least showed something resembling interest (despite failing completely) and Malone who was trying. Horrible, HORRIBLE main event and match in general.

 

Malone hits a much better Diamond Cutter on Disciple post match. The referee gets one too as the NWO celebrates.

 

Overall Rating: D-. This is a fine example of how short term thinking can mess up a whole show. This was all messed up because the two big matches, as in the world title and main event, were either bad or really short due to the booking being changed or stupid from the beginning. The rest of the card is just your run of the mill WCW show which means it’s mostly weak with a good match sprinkled in here or there. Overall though this felt awful and like a nothing show, which isn’t good. Somehow it would get even worse next month with Hogan/Bischoff vs. DDP/Jay Leno. We’ll get to that later.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

Bash at the Beach 1997
Date: July 13, 1997
Location: Ocean Center, Daytona Beach, Florida
Attendance: 7,851
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Dusty Rhodes

I’ll be doing the three Bashes in a row and then probably just doing individual shows again for awhile. It’s 1997 and the unofficial anniversary of the NWO being formed. This was in that weird period for WCW as everything was setting up for Sting vs. Hogan, but at the same time it took forever to get there because we waited 9 months between Sting’s moment of showing he was WCW and the actual match. The main event here is Luger/Giant vs. Hogan/Rodman. As in Dennis Rodman. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is Luger ranting about the NWO and how Rodman has been all mean to them and jumped them a few times.

The announcers talk a bit and apparently Page has a mystery partner for later that is either Curt Hennig, Sting or Raven.

Mortis/Wrath vs. Ernest Miller/Glacier

These four seemingly had more matches on PPV than I can count. Glacier is all ticked off to start and spears down Mortis so he can pound on him. He looks at Wrath and freezes him somehow so that Miller can hit a springboard dropkick to take the big man down. Off to Miller vs. Wrath now as we’re told Miller played for the Falcons and Patriots. I can’t find any evidence of this anywhere else and I’ve never heard of it otherwise. Why does that not shock me?

Miller fires off some kicks but gets caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but a middle rope elbow misses. Glacier comes in and hits a double dropkick with Miller to Wrath for two. Glacier goes to the floor where Mortis beats him up a bit. Wrath hits a pretty nice running somersault off the apron to take out the ice enthusiast. He finds a chair to put against Glacier’s head so Mortis can kick the chair into Glacier’s head into the post.

Back inside now for Glacier vs. Mortis. Heenan says there’s something between these two in the past but Glacier doesn’t want to go into what it is. Wrath comes back in and they hit Beer Money’s DWI for two. ROH fans will like this as Wrath throws on a Billy Goat’s Curse and Mortis drops a leg at the same time.

Mortis misses a moonsault and Miller comes in illegally to help Glacier. Feliner (Trouble in Paradise) takes out both heels. Everything breaks down and Glacier gets a DDT to put Mortis down for a delayed too. James Vandenberg, the manager of Mortis/Wrath puts a chain on Mortis’ foot so a kick to the chest ends this for Glacier’s first loss.

Rating: B-. Better match than you would expect here and I liked it for the most part. Mortis is more commonly known as Kanyon and he can do some interesting stuff. Wrath was shockingly good here too and is a guy I’ve always liked a little so that’s a nice perk. Also, notice how much better it is with guys to compliment the martial arts guys. You get a much better match.

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. Ultimo Dragon

Jericho is champion. He’s a face and hasn’t been champion long. I think Dragon is also but I’m not sure. To the shock of no one they start on the mat. Neither guy can hit a kick so they lock up again. Dragon does his handstand in the corner and of course no one can touch him as he does that. There are the kicks from Dragon and he puts on a nerve hold but just for a few seconds.

Jericho counters Dragon’s offense into a double powerbomb and a senton backsplash gets two. The fans want Sting. Just another five months for that guys. Jericho works on the back before the speed things up a bit. Moonsault press gets two for the Canadian as does a tiger driver. I’m not sure what happened here but they both go up to the top and Jericho tries a dropkick which clearly misses by about 8 inches but Dragon drops to the floor anyway. The announcers say he missed it and that Dragon fell to avoid it but it looked like a botch.

Anyway Jericho hits a plancha and they go back in. A rana by Dragon out of the corner doesn’t work as he gets shoved to the floor. Jericho dives on him but gets caught by a dropkick in a cool looking shot. Snap suplex on the floor has Jericho in trouble, yet he was back in the ring first. Dragon gets him to the floor and hits the Asai Moonsault to put both guys down.

Back in the ring and both guys try La Magistral but can’t get the pin. They speed things way up into some pinfall reversal sequences but Jericho counters a Dragon Sleeper attempt and they both go outside. Back in again and Jericho hits a Lionsault to the back for two. Another Lionsault attempt is countered by a dropkick and Dragon tries both his finisher with no success. Muta style moonsault gets no cover for Dragon and Jericho counters a powerbomb counter into a sunset flip to retain.

Rating: C+. This was actually kind of a mess. Far more of a collection of spots than a coherent match with any form of a story or anything like that throughout it. It’s certainly good and the big spots were cool, but I’m not sure if they really had this planned out all that well. They just kind of missed here.

Gene comes to the ring to talk to Raven. He asks Raven about being DDP’s mystery partner so Raven recites a poem. Stevie Richards pops up and mentions an announcement Raven has tomorrow on Nitro, earning him a backhand slap from Raven. The announcement might have been the formation of the Flock but I’m not sure.

Steiner Brothers vs. Masahiro Chono/Great Muta

They’re NWO Japan and if the Steiners win they’re #1 contenders….again. WCW has this really annoying habit of having teams (usually the Steiners) win title shots “somewhere down the line” but they never actually got them. The Japanese dudes clear the ring rather quickly so the Steiners go up top and hit a pair of clotheslines to send the foreigners to the floor. Chono gets in an argument with some guy at ringside before we get this going.

Scott and Muta get us going. Scott pounds away and Muta is like boy please and kicks away. Steiner finally gets his butterfly powerbomb to take over and hits a gorilla press to send Muta outside again. Off to Chono and Rick, whose eyes look all freaky. Chono gets annoyed with the bug eyes and hits a SICK Mafia kick to put Rick down.

Test of strength results in a kick to Rick’s ribs and they switch off again. Scott likes to pound Muta on the back. Belly to belly superplex to Muta doesn’t work as Chono grabs an electric chair drop and Muta hits the handspring elbow to take over. Chono goes up and he winds up taking the aforementioned belly to belly to put both guys down.

Hot tag Rick who hits belly to bellies on both guys. Steiner bulldog gets two. Scott goes up as the illegal man and gets caught in a rana by Muta. Rick by in and gets caught in a leg whip by Muta but manages a suplex for two. Everything breaks down again and while Chono argues with the referee, a super DDT (Rick puts him on his shoulders so Scott can hit a DDT off the top) ends Muta.

Rating: D+. Match was another mess with no flow to it at all. The Steiners were so bored/boring by this point that it was unreal. They had beaten every team in existence and there was no one left to challenge them. Since the Outsiders were allergic to wrestling I suppose, this was just another waste of time and it was pretty clear the Steiners didn’t care at all.

Juventud Guerrera/Hector Garza/Lizmark Jr. vs. La Parka/Psicosis/Villano IV

Ready for some pointless lucha libre for the sake of only having lucha libre? Onoo is with Parka and Psicosis. This is under lucha libre rules, meaning if you go to the floor someone else on your team can come in sans tag. Lizmark and Psicosis start us off as Tenay tries to explain rudos vs. technicos. Juventud’s team is technico here. They do some speed stuff and then Villano and Garza come in because they feel like it.

Things speed up and after this point I’m really not going to try to keep track of what’s going on because the point of it is to go completely insane for awhile. Sonny tries to kick Juvy but he moves and the kick hits La Parka instead. The power of money keeps him from mauling Onoo. Psicosis misses a running dropkick and the rudo team has an argument.

Juvy hits a springboard triple splash for two and all three technicos hit stereo planchas as the referee literally ducks and covers in the corner. Juvy tries a springboard cross body but Psicosis gets something like a dropkick up to block it. They go to the corner and Psicosis gets something like a sunset bomb on steroids for two. They do some more insane stuff and Garza gets a moonsault press for two.

Everything breaks down again as some heels collide. We get the four man move called the Star that never got over in America. Basically they’re all on the mat and have leg locks on someone while two guys get in the middle and do a move. It’s WAY too contrived to look good at all. Five man Tower of Doom is broken up and everyone goes to the floor.

Lizmark is the last one out with a big dive to Villano. Air Juvy (love that move) and again I can’t keep up with this at all. Garza hits his HUGE corkscrew plancha to take out everyone else. Villiano V comes out and switches with his brother but gets caught by a missile dropkick and standing moonsault for the pin by Garza.

Rating: B. This is a hard one to grade because from an American standpoint, it was an insane mess but from a lucha libre standpoint, I’d think it was rather good. It certainly was exciting and got the crowd going again, but at the same time this kind of stuff happened about once a PPV for WCW. This was one of the more fun ones though.

Kevin Sullivan vs. Chris Benoit

This is a career match and is out with Sullivan. No Woman though. Sullivan hasn’t wrestled in three months and Benoit is a Horseman. You figure the ending out. This is the final match of a feud that has gone on for a year now and it’s another slugfest which was done best the first time and has gone downhill ever since. Sullivan suplexes him to the floor and it’s a brawl already.

They tear apart a piece of the guardrail and Benoit suplexes Jackie. She of course no sells it because she’s Jackie and can take moves from men so she’s tough and should be on TV for the next 10 years right? Benoit is finally like screw this and tosses her at Sullivan then pounds on him for awhile. She interferes again because she can I guess. Jackie needs to get hit by a bus. Seriously.

They fight up to the set and Benoit goes through a surfboard house. I don’t think this is No DQ but who cares I guess. Benoit has sand all over him. They destroy most of the set and Sullivan is thrown into a tree. Sullivan takes a beach chair to the head and Jackie hits Benoit again. Seriously, go away. They fight to the other side of the set and keep punching each other.

Sullivan hits a Piledriver in the aisle and since it’s been 18 seconds since Jackie did something, she drops some elbows. Kevin gets a garbage can lid shot to Benoit’s lid but it just fires Chris up. And never mind as he gets sent to the floor so Jimmy can get some shots in. Benoit gets hung upside down with his back to the apron and Sullivan chops away even more.

Back in and Benoit pounds away on him even more. Sullivan bites his stomach so Benoit bites Sullivan’s ear. Crossface goes on but only gets two arm drops. Heenan says this show has the largest audience in the history of PPV. I won’t even start on that one. Benoit pulls him back to the middle and puts it right back on but can’t get it full.

The hold is broken so Chris kicks him a lot. Now he chops him a lot and Sullivan is a face somehow. He Hulks Up for lack of a better term and puts Benoit in the Tree of Woe. Three running knees hit him as Jackie gets a wooden chair. Jackie pops Sullivan with the chair for no apparent reason other than to give herself a reason to yell some more. Swan Dive ends Sullivan’s career.

Rating: C-. The problem for this comes down to one thing: they had the same match for a year straight. Why in the world would I want to watch another big brawl between these two so many times over and over again? It’s not horrible but we’ve seen it such a ridiculous amount of times that no one cares. Also, WAY too much Jackie time here.

Sullivan gets some big sendoff by the announcers like he was some great guy or something.

US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Steve McMichael

Jeff is champion here. They both pose with the belt to waste some time. It should be noted that Jarrett is about as popular as George Wells was. If you’re saying “who?” to that name, you’re getting the point. There’s a reason he would be back in the WWF in about three months. Jarrett takes him down to start and struts to waste some more time. He is from Tennessee after all.

He wastes too much time though and walks into a Bossman Slam. Mongo takes out the knee so Jeff heads to the floor a bit longer. For some reason Jeff accepts a test of strength with a big power wrestler. What could go wrong with this? It’s pretty clear Mongo has no idea how to actually pace a match or use psychology or anything like that at all but he’s not messing up every move anymore.

Out to the floor and Mongo goes into the steps. That doesn’t seem to hurt him and Jeff goes into the railing to further injure the knee. Mongo chokes him with a cord and we head back into the ring. Weak gorilla press is followed by a powerslam for two. Mongo misses a knee in the corner and now Jeff uses a football tackle on the knee. There’s a second one and Mongo is down. He sets for the Figure Four but Debra gets up on the apron, “accidentally” gives Jarrett the case and he hits Mongo with it….in the arm. He tries again and hits him in the head for the pin to retain. Debra leaves with Jeff.

Rating: D. The lack of psychology and anything remotely resembling it hurt this a lot. Mongo would get the title in a few weeks so it’s not like this mattered that much. Jarrett and Debra would go back to the WWF soon enough so we didn’t have to put up with this feud much longer. Jarrett got better with age but at this point he wasn’t nearly as good as he’s known as today.

Hogan and Rodman say nothing of note.

Scott Hall/Randy Savage vs. Diamond Dallas Page/???

Hall is a tag champion but is teaming with Savage here because Nash is busy at a taco festival I suppose. The partner is likely either Raven, Hennig or Sting. It’s pretty clearly not going to be Sting because it would be too big of a waste for his return. Raven….probably not due to it being kind of a big jump up for him in the card. Hennig was more or less the default pick and it turns out he is in fact the partner. This is his WCW debut in the ring, because he popped up on Nitro for no apparent reason other than to make sure this wasn’t an actual shocking debut at the PPV.

Page vs. Savage starts us off which is one that’s hard to screw up based on how obsessive they were about setting up matches beforehand. Page sends him to the floor and Savage stalls some more. There’s a bunch of stuff in the ring for some reason and Savage doesn’t want to fight. Not sure what it is but the referee keeps wiping it off the mat. Off to Hall vs. Hennig now and they look at each other a lot. They go to the corner and Hennig actually gives a clean break.

Both combinations seem more interested in seeing how long they can go without actually getting into a full on match. Curt hits an atomic drop and Hall does his hop selling. Back to Page so he can hammer on Scott a bit. Page gets beaten down and it’s the NWO in control. Since it’s a match between 1996 and 1999, Page has bad ribs. Out to the floor and the beating continues. Hall gets a discus punch for two.

Back off to Savage as Page gets a right hand in. Page kind of falls down and it’s ice cold tag to Hennig. Granted the match is like seven minutes old at this point so it’s not like he was in peril long. And since this is in 1997, Hennig of course turns on Page and leaves him to the wolves known as Hall and Savage. The beating goes on for awhile and the big elbow ends it. Hennig wouldn’t officially join the NWO for a few weeks after pretending to join the Horsemen.

Rating: D+. Total meh match here as the whole thing was about going from debut to the turn (if you can actually be one way or the other after five minutes) in under ten minutes, which is pretty wasteful but they’re trying at least. Hennig would join the Horsemen soon enough and then the NWO because that’s what everyone did, minute the Horsemen part I guess.

Roddy Piper vs. Ric Flair

Because the fans were BEGGING for it! WCW really doesn’t help themselves with the lack of recaps. I have no idea why most of these matches are happening and it’s totally random as to whether or not you get a recap of it. Even a quick sentence can sum up a lot of stuff. To the shock of no one, this is more of a brawl than a match. Piper beats the tar out of him to start and sends him to the floor.

Back in and Piper chops away in the corner and Flair is looking like a clueless putz. No idea if Flair is face or heel here. Piper hammers away in the corner and there’s a Flair Flip in the corner. Flair eats post and Piper chops away some more. I don’t think he’s done anything but punch or chop. Back in again and Flair gets a shot to the knee to take over. Figure Four goes on and Piper reverses it.

Roddy actually gets a swinging neckbreaker for two. Wouldn’t have expected that one. Low blow takes the Canadiscot down and it’s back to the knee. That doesn’t work either so Piper fires off punches and kicks Flair’s leg. Out to the floor again which doesn’t last long. Back in Flair gets a jawbreaker to quickly break up a sleeper.

After a bunch of two counts Flair goes up and you know how that goes. Figure Four goes onto Flair and is broken rather quickly. Illegal object from Flair is stolen by Piper and Flair goes out. Here are the Horsemen and Piper of course outsmarts them until Mongo of all people is able to piledrive him. That only gets two and Piper Hulks Up. Sleeper ends this which is supposed to be some big deal, even though WE HAVE NO IDEA WHY THEY’RE FIGHTING.

Rating: C+. Well I can’t really say it sucked, but is there any real point in having these guys fight? It’s not a bad match and is actually kind of good, but the time hurt it as this got nearly 15 minutes and with Piper only being able to chop and punch, how good can it really get? Also, no Malenko, Guerrero or Mysterio on here, but they get 15 minutes. And people wonder why this company went out of business.

Dennis Rodman/Hulk Hogan vs. Lex Luger/The Giant

I get that Rodman was a legit big draw and at the time he was an A-list celebrity so it’s not as stupid as it sounds like now, but what does this accomplish from a storyline perspective? Oh that’s right: it keeps Hogan from having to defend the title so he can hold it even longer. Buffer says tens of millions of people are watching this around the world. Savage is out with the heels here.

Luger and Hogan start and I’d expect Hogan to wrestle more in this match than he has in the past five weeks combined. They go to the mat and it’s just ugly. We put the camera on Andrew Galotta (boxer) and Rodman’s agent for awhile. Not much contact so far as Hogan is stalling a lot, mainly because were twenty five minutes left in the show when the bell rang.

The first major contact is a shoulder block by Hogan about three minutes in. Luger hits one as well and by hits I mean you can see a good three inches between their arms. Hogan hammers him down and it’s his usual heel stuff. He asks the fans if they want Rodman to come in and it’s pretty clear Rodman is the most popular guy in the building. Hogan goes over and makes the tag and it’s time for the announcers to overhype everything like never before.

Rodman is in sunglasses here. He stalls like Larry Zbyszko dreams of and they lock up. Rodman gets an armdrag and the reaction from the announcers (the WCW ones mind you, as in the ones that HATE the NWO) makes the one when Sting won the title later in the year pale in comparison. I mean they lose their minds because Rodman hit an armdrag. Luger armdrags both guys twice and the overreaction is just stupid. Have these guys never seen a Ricky Steamboat match? This is proving why the match is stupid, right here.

A leapfrog and a shoulder block by Rodman (meaning a basketball player is capable of jumping and leaning his arm forward) are hailed as “flashes of brilliance” by Tony. The guys on Tough Enough have flashes of brilliance in their second episode then. A single clothesline sends Rodman looking for a nurse and it’s off to Giant vs. Hogan. They proceed to do a basic Nitro match for a few minutes as no one cares with no Rodman in there.

Rodman offers to come in and fight the Giant and plays face because he doesn’t know any better. He tries more leapfrogs and then we realize that it’s stupid to try to jump over a guy called THE GIANT. Heenan loses his mind because his apparently new sexual object of desire known as Rodman is in trouble. If you were new to this product and heard the commentators, you would swear Hogan and Rodman were the good guys.

Hogan and Rodman get a double clothesline to Giant and Rodman breaks up Hogan’s pin attempt for some reason. Hot (and unseen) tag brings in Luger but Hogan takes him down pretty easily. Savage interferes and this is rapidly getting boring. There’s the legdrop for two and ZERO reaction from the crowd and announcers. This is the Hulk Hogan legdrop and it got no reaction. Maybe Hogan should try a leapfrog. Actually that would get a reaction.

Back off to Rodman as this slows down even more. There’s the foot choke in the corner which gets a bigger reaction than the Hogan legdrop. Another unseen tag brings in Giant but this one doesn’t count for some reason. Giant comes in anyway and here’s Not Sting. He hits Giant with the bat and everyone thinks he’s NWO. Pay no attention to the fact that he’s maybe an inch shorter than Giant and comes in over the top rope. Hogan accidentally hits Rodman and the Rack ends Hogan finally.

Rating: F+. Totally awful main event but the announcers overreacting is pretty funny stuff. In short, Rodman isn’t a wrestler so he’s not really at fault here. I mean, would you turn down probably a minimum of six figures for twenty minutes of “work”? He just took a check and did his thing out there to a huge reaction. That being said, this proves nothing and the whole thing was just a mess because we had to protect Rodman (again not his fault).

Luger Racks Rodman and Savage post match.

Overall Rating: D. This was a hard one to grade. It’s certainly a low level show and that needs to be kept in mind. This show wasn’t about having a good show but rather having a big buyrate due to Rodman. It’s definitely not the worst show ever but it shows a lot of what’s coming for WCW and how things would start falling apart. They clearly weren’t trying that much here and they wouldn’t do much next month either because it was in front of a bunch of drunk bikers. Bad show, but for different reasons than usual.

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