Vengeance 2007
Date: June 24, 2007
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 15,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Joey Styles, Tazz, John Layfield

So this is the final actual Vengeance show and its official title is Vengeance: Night of Champions. This show is infamous for one reason: it’s the Benoit Show. The next day we would find out what he did and he’s not here tonight for “personal reasons.” For those of you that are new to this, Chris Benoit went insane and murdered his wife and son before killing himself at his home. He was supposed to win the ECW Title here but that obviously never happened. Other than that, all titles are on the line. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how everyone wants to be a champion, which is very true I guess. We get clips of all of the big matches tonight which is good for helping to bring us all up to date considering this is a 3 year old show.

Oh and we’re done with the brand exclusive shows at this point which is a MAJOR plus for me.

We’re going to have legends introduced all night which is a cool thing. The first are the US Express: Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo, who continues to change his last name from Rotundo to Rotunda every time he appears.

Raw Tag Titles: The Hardys vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

This was a reunion that went on for a few months because they had nothing else to do for them. Jeff’s rise to awesomeness would come soon enough. Matt would stay uninteresting. The country boys are the champions here. They took them from the Hardys about three weeks before this. It’s weird to think that only Matt is still with the company now. Dang Matt is over here. And Jeff is even more over.

They dominate early on which leads me to think the champions will retain. The champions try to run away and we have a red carpet here. Man I didn’t know Murdoch could run that fast. We hit the formula here which is likely the right thing to do. I’ve always wondered why partners start to come in at 2. It’s not like they’re The Flash or something. Murdoch has a bad eye apparently. Is he like Rocky now? Murdoch’s country music gimmick a few years after this really was comically bad.

Sorry for being so random but this just isn’t an interesting match at all so I’m trying to kill the time. Murdoch hooks a LONG half crab to kill even more time. Well to be fair Matt has a bad knee apparently. Jeff gets the hot tag and the crowd is VERY hot here. Jeff beats the heck out of everyone and hits his sitout Gordbuster. Matt Hardy accidentally distracts the referee and Jeff gets double teamed into Cade’s sitout spinebuster for the pin to retain.

Rating: D+. Boring match but considering there are so many matches tonight they likely have to hurry. This is a match that shows the issues with both the division and the show though as there is no need for this to be on PPV as it should have been on Raw instead of here. This was the Hardys’ last official tag match together for awhile so there you are.

Booker lists off his accomplishments. He would be in TNA in like four months.

Ad for Summerslam which was going to be the stupid MTV show. Thankfully that never happened, so instead TNA did it and it completely bombed.

We have a little profile on Eddie, because this is a WWE show and we need to get every bit of sympathy out of Eddie’s corpse that we can right? They completely leave out Goldberg interfering in that Lesnar match for obvious reasons.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Jimmy Wang Yang

We get a bit on Dean Malenko as he was a great Cruiserweight Champion back in the day. Jimmy comes out to NO reaction. I mean NOTHING. This is about a month before Chavo lost the belt to Horny. Oh dear. Apparently the WCW Light Heavyweight Title is now the official forerunner to the Cruiserweight Title. Ok then. The division was really pretty worthless at this point so I guess killing the title was the right idea.

Then again that could be Yang since no one buys him as a threat to the title here at all. He does however hit a SWEET dive off the top to the floor. That looked awesome. JBL really was solid at announcing. He wasn’t great or anything but he had recent credibility which is the most important thing so there we are. Chavo takes over as this just isn’t that interesting at all for some reason. I just do not care at all. We’re reminded again that the name Guerrero means warrior. We get it.

It’s a bad sign when the best thing you can say about a guy is he has a never say die attitude. Jimmy gets some offense in and manages to get the crowd to make noise. And there are the Three Amigos to get rid of that. The top rope moonsault from Yang misses and you can feel it getting close to the end. You can see people getting up and leaving or getting back from the concession stands as Chavo wins with a Frog Splash.

Rating: D+. The wrestling wasn’t bad here, but DANG this just wasn’t any good. Again this should have been a TV match and not a PPV match. You can really see how little development there were for a lot of these titles back in the day and it really wasn’t a great idea to have these matches on PPV. It’s not bad, but there’s just no point to it.

We recap the Vince Limo Explosion which is really put into context by what would be revealed the next night. I remember watching this on TV and saying that the lim was going to blow up. No idea why I thought that but I just knew it. Another way you could tell it was fake was a puddle appears just prior to the explosion.

It was a great editing job though as I had to read that on WZ to notice it. There’s a poll question on WWE.com as to who you think the culprit is. Only Vince would use his own murder as publicity.

Lashley is mad at Vince but didn’t do it.

We see clips of Taz being a tough guy. He’s credited with being the first guy to make people tap out to indicate submission. I’ve heard that from non-WWE sources too so maybe there’s some truth to that.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. Johnny Nitro

Again this was supposed to be Benoit instead of Nitro which had me drooling over the thought of it. Punk cleanshaven is odd looking. Nitro would become Morrison in about a month or so. We hear the term “personal reasons” which no one knew the meaning of at the time. It would be discovered tomorrow afternoon which is chilling when you think about it. What was he doing during this show?

I made a thread once about these two being the real rivalry in WWE over the last 3 years and I still think that. The fans want tables. Good luck with that. Nitro hits that springboard rotating kick which looks great. Johnny Nitro sounds like a guy Sandman should massacre in a TV squash. I think that might have been the idea actually. This is the standard decent match between the two of them but it’s really nothing all that special.

Nitro was little more than a glorified jobber that had a decent feud with Jeff Hardy a few months earlier but other than that he had a hot girlfriend and that’s about it. Oh and nice abs. Nitro uses the ropes to get extra leverage and like any other heel, it gets heat for him. Again, less is more. Simple cheating will get the crowd to boo you. Nitro hits that corkscrew neckbreaker while Punk’s feet are on the ropes like Orton’s elevated DDT to get the win and the title. Wow that match flew by and I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing in this case.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but not great at all. Nitro wasn’t very good yet and it was clear here. He would become John Morrison and gain confidence in a few weeks which was huge to his career and still works to an extent today. Anyway, this wasn’t bad, but they would have FAR better matches later.

We recap Shawn vs. Bret in the Iron Man match to show Shawn’s first title win. This is a cool theme for a show if nothing else.

Foley is getting ready. He’s in the main event tonight. And here’s Randy Orton to be a jerk. Man I can’t wait to get to that match.

Ricky Steamboat is here.

Intercontinental Title: Santino Marella vs. Umaga

Just make it quick please. Santino is the plucky young rookie here that is still a face and currently stabbing the title through the heart every second he has the belt but whatever. Apparently Umaga half killed Foley on Raw. Santino is wrestling legit here and it’s amazing to think of how I guess you could say far he’s come today? Umaga kicks his head off to take care of that.

There’s the nerve hold or whatever you want to call it. Is that just a Samoan thing? Umaga gets him in the corner and pounds him down, which is apparently enough for the CHEAP DQ. Umaga destroys him for good measure. He would get the title back in eight days or so. He crushes Santino with a splash and gets a face chant for it.

ARE YOU LISTENING VINCE? Umaga finishes it off with the spike. The post match beatdown was longer than the match itself I think. He gets a LOUD face chant which of course isn’t acknowledged at all. Ok seriously, the match has been over for like 5 minutes now. End it.

Rating: N/A. First person that finds a point to this anywhere, please let us know. Good lucky on finding one also.

Ad for the Great American Bash.

We go to a press conference thing from Friday, held by the lead investigator in Vince’s case. Also there’s apparently another well-known personality’s DNA in the limo. Ok then. Tomorrow we have a 3 hour Raw as a memorial for Vince. This is actually hard to watch when you know what’s coming.

MAGNUM TA IS HERE! That mustache is awesome. He could have been something special.

US Title: MVP vs. Ric Flair

MVP is the ridiculously cocky heel here and actually interesting to an extent. You would NEVER hear that today. He gets in Magnum’s face and says it’s all about MVP now. If all of MVP’s matches wind up combining to be half as good as the I Quit Cage match I’ll be stunned. Flair just looks stupid in pink. He’s no Bret Hart in that regard. Flair shows MVP up with bare bones basic moves and it’s hilarious. Flair is busted open! I CAN FEEL MY INNOCENCE BEING RIPPED FROM MY BODY! SPARE ME PLEASE!!!!

In a funny moment, Flair chops the heck out of MVP and after MVP takes over, he opens up his vest and checks his chest for welts. JBL says Flair’s chops are better than anyone else’s. And I believe him since he was a wrestler not long before this. Lawler needs to remind us he used to be a wrestler. Even Striker reminds us of that. This is another one of that matches that likely belongs on TV but we need a US Title match so here is one for you.

MVP’s knee hits the buckle and Flair goes for the wrong one, thereby proving that some things never change. There it is and we’re in Flair Formula time. It’s still passable too so I can’t complain that much. In a nice ending, Flair goes after MVP but the referee blocks him, allowing MVP to poke him in the eye and hit the Playmaker for the retaining. Why is that nice? Because that is Flair 101: distract the referee and cheat. I love that.

Rating: C. The ending helped that a lot. It’s your standard Flair match, but look at him put ANOTHER guy over. Dang I’m defending Flair. What the heck is wrong with me? This is when Flair was still bearable but he was on the verge of being gone, which I think is for the best. Match was average.

Cena says nothing as Edge interrupts. Edge accuses Cena of being behind of the Vince thing. Cena says Edge is too much of a softie to have been behind it. Edge says he’s vicious and can do evil things, and of course the detective is behind him. Oh good. My eyes rolled so far around that I’m looking at the screen again.

Tony Garea and Rick Martel are here. Was Tito Santana busy or something?

Smackdown Tag Titles: Deuce N Dominovs. ???/???

It’s an open challenge here so the challengers are unknown. Deuce says this place is full of old people. Domino doesn’t like them either. This team was either great or completely idiotic. In short, they’re Fonzie from Happy Days. Cherry, their manager, in short is hot. Deuce is more commonly known as Sim Snuka or the guy that kept Taker from breaking his neck at Mania 25. The challengers are Sgt. Slaughter and Jimmy Snuka. Allow me to quote the 25th letter of the alphabet: WHY???????????/

Smackdown Tag Titles: Deuce N Domino vs. Sgt. Slaughter/Jimmy Snuka

Remember that Snuka is Deuce’s father. JBL says if the champions lose then he’s calling Ron Simmons up and reforming the APA. JBL suggests their name could be the Coffin Dodgers. Oh that’s funny. Sarge looks good here and we get a jab at the Ultimate Warrior. They beat the tar out of Domino here as you would expect them to. Again though, this is on PPV in 2007. There’s the Cobra Clutch which is his signature finisher, which always amused me.

The one time he used a different finisher, he won the WWF Title. So naturally he used the old one and never did anything again. This has been dominance so far. Deuce finally comes in and this is dragging badly. Snuka beating up his son is just kind of surreal. I don’t know if I’d want to be in that position or not. Snuka hits a top rope cross body but Deuce rolls through for the pin.

How annoying do you think he’s going to be with that at Thanksgiving? He pinned his HOF dad on PPV. How cool would it be to be able to say that? Post match there’s a beatdown and Martel and Garea jump the railing for the save.

Rating: D-. The match was horrible obviously, but the point here was to have the legends get a chance out there again. That doesn’t make up for it though. This is just not something I want to see on a PPV show. On TV is one thing I guess, but no way this should be on PPV.

Ad for the Vince Memorial Service. Still gets me thinking what would be airing instead.

We recap Edge vs. Batista which is a Last Chance match. Edge cashed in Kennedy’s MITB contract to beat the injured Taker for the belt. This is the music video package for the night.

Harley Race is here. Oh yes.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Batista

Dang that trenchcoat is awesome. He and Harley have a moment which is kind of odd. Big Dave gets a nice pop. Batista hugs Race too as his entrance is taking way too long. Batista starts how and beats the heck out of Edge, focusing on the arm which is weird looking for a power guy but whatever. You can tell this is going to be a long one. Smackdown always was the show that was more about wrestling than the entertainment aspect so this is expected.

Edge hits a baseball slide and is in control. Now Edge works on Batista’s arm. Well at least they’re being consistent here. His shoulder goes into the post as we hear that you don’t think of Edge and speed in the same sentence. How weird is it to think that he used to be a high flier back in the day? Edge uses a bit boot and hooks an armbar. We now get to the problem of guys working on the arm: it’s boring. Well at least he’s switching it up.

Edge counters a Samoan Drop into an arm hold. Nicely done. He’s on his third different hold in less than two minutes. That’s how you work an arm. You can switching things up like that and stick with one plan, which at least keeps things from being boring. A Boss Man Slam from nowhere hits Edge for two. Edge seems to be more popular here with the smark crowd. He goes for the belt but the referee stops him.

Batista hits a spear to block the spear. There’s a Zen riddle in there somewhere. Batista ANIMALS UP but Edge low blows him to keep the title. That’s a legit surprise to me as the face usually wins in those last chance matches. Edge would get legit hurt soon and have to drop the title which Khali won in a battle royal. Batista would get it in the fall. Hey here’s Teddy Long. He’s restarting the match because Edge cheated. Ok then.

If Edge intentionally gets disqualified here then Batista is champion. Spear gets two and the crowd is on fire. We go to the floor and Batista goes into the steps. Edge takes the Bomb on the floor but Batista gets counted out after rolling him back in which should have broken the count I believe. I have no idea why Long was needed here if that’s the ending they were going with but whatever.

Rating: B-. This was your traditional decent Smackdown world title match. They went through a period around this time where they just kind of went with the motions but had good matches anyway. The match worked as well as possible given who was in it though o I can live with that. Far from great, but Batista kind of sucked at this point.

Ad for Summerslam. They’re going way in advance here.

We talk about Fabulous Moolah, meaning it’s Women’s Title time. There was no Divas Title yet. We even get clips of the Original Screwjob. Basically Wendi Richter wouldn’t agree to have Moolah beat her for it so they put a mask on Moolah and had her shoot on Richter for the title. Very old school backstabbing there.

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Candace Michelle

Melina is champion here. So basically Melina is awesome and Candace is popular because she was in Playboy. Crowd is DEAD for this. Oh and Candace is awesome because she can do a dance too. This match is making my head hurt. It’s a great example of how bad the division was around this time.

And then Candace hits a spinwheel kick to win the title. She wound up taking one of the SICKEST bumps I’ve ever seen to get hurt and would never get the title back. She can’t even hold the belt right. I never really cared for her and this is no exception. They try to make this some big emotional moment and it just falls flat.

Rating: D. And that’s all for Melina. She carried Candace like a bag of potatoes here and it was painfully obvious. Melina is good but she’s not a miracle worker. It’s stuff like this that makes the division look like a joke and that’s never a good thing. Then again I’m not sure how many people actually were in the arena for this match so there we go.

ANOTHER ad for the Bash. Dang they’re going insane here with those things.

We recognize JBL before the main event. Naturally he has something to say which he hands to the announcer. We get JBL’s career bio which is funny for some reason. He is also YOUR wrestling god.

We recap Raw’s world title match which is just about being a champion or something like that. All five people talk about what it means to be a champion. Yes it’s clichéd but it works fairly well I think. It goes on WAY too long though but that’s WWE for you.

Raw World Title: Mick Foley vs. John Cena vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Randy Orton vs. King Booker

Cena is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Foley is only in this because he’s a former champion. How weird is it that Foley would win a world title after this but Booker and Lashley wouldn’t? Lashley won a good deal of titles in his time in the company which was really short. Foley gets a nice pop. Booker would be gone in October. Orton gets a face pop and would be getting really into the title picture in the fall, winning the title twice in one night.

Cena feels like a superstar here and with good reason I think. This is in the middle of his year long reign as champion which got him a lot of heat but I still ask you: who else was going to have the title put on them? Booker jumps to the floor immediately which is smart if nothing else. Very quickly we have Cena vs. Lashley which Vince much dream of at times. Lashley hits a SICK dive over the top to take out all four guys. That looked great.

Lashley hits Booker with what we would call Shock Treatment which is a cool move actually. This is ALL Lashley at this point as he’s dominating everyone. I still feel sorry for the ECW announcers as they have one match to call and then just sit there for the rest of the night. Lawler says the only good thing about being bitten by Foley is that he doesn’t have all of his teeth. For some reason that made me laugh. FU to Lashley through the table out of nowhere and a nice one at that.

We go to the standard multi-man match formula which is fine here as five people makes that kind of required. Cena goes for You Can’t See Me on Booker but walks into the RKO for two as Foley makes the save. He dominates for awhile as you would expect. It’s Socko time!

How amazing is it that he got so far with his signature thing being a sock? That would be like a guy saying nothing but nonsensical things about the Muppets’ sex lives on a wrestling forum and being called funny. Everything goes insane but Foley takes the FU for Cena to retain.

Rating: D+. They did the very smart thing here by keeping this short as it barely cracked ten minutes. With this many people though that was the smart thing. I’m not sure why they went with the five person match here instead of one on one but it was nice to have Foley come in there as it fit with the whole champions and legends deals all night. This was as good as you could have expected though given what was coming, which wasn’t horrible but was just kind of thrown on.

Overall Rating: D+. I’m not sure why but this worked for me somehow. They did a great job here of building up the whole championships all night long thing which is how it was supposed to go. It felt like a major show that was very important and while the wrestling was pretty bad, the atmosphere made up for it and everything seemed to work. I’d actually recommend this, but the wrestling is nothing at all to be excited about.

It’s about that special feeling you get when you hear “this contest is for the world championship!” It makes things more interesting and the feeling doesn’t weaken as the night goes on. This worked, even though it was pretty bad. Check it out.

So that’s Vengeance. At the end of the day it’s really just a minor PPV with nothing of note really coming from it other than the first show back in 2001. There were some good ones here and there with 05 being a GREAT show, but other than that there just wasn’t much at all to really talk about on these shows. They were ok but there just wasn’t really anything of note overall. I’ll be doing NOC 08 just to finish off the series and then moving on to Taboo Tuesday and Cyber Sunday which I’ll do back to back.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Vengeance 2005
Date: June 26, 2005
Location: Thomas & Mack Center, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 9,850
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

It’s a Raw show this time as we’re still in the middle of the single brand shows and will be for over another year. This is a two match show, but DANG these are two great matches. We have Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels the sequel and Batista vs. HHH in Hell in a Cell in the Mania rematch.  Also we have Christian vs. Jericho vs. Cena in a three way for the other Raw title. For over three weeks both belts were on Raw which was rather stupid but whatever. There are only six matches on the card, so I’d think that sums this up pretty well. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Cena being new to Raw and Batista not knowing what he’s doing in HIAC. Ok then. You can tell Big Dave is serious here: he calls HHH Hunter. Far more time spent on those two which makes sense I guess.

The arena has a casino theme. At least that makes sense.

IntercontinentalTitle: Carlitovs. SheltonBenjamin

This is about a month after the infamous Shelton vs. Shawn match so Shelton is the hottest thing in the company. Well he was until he dropped the title to Carlito who is still in the purple shorts six days prior to this. Coach is already annoying the heck out of me and we’re 6 minutes into the entire broadcast. This isn’t very interesting at all, although you could say the same thing about most of the Raw shows from this era.

Shelton is still pretty awesome as he continues dominating Carlito. Carly tries to run but Shelton decides he’s the better released guy and stops that. Apparently Benjamin has a concussion. That wouldn’t be allowed today but this was a simpler time I guess. He hits a sweet clothesline from the top and can’t immediately cover because of his head. The more recently fired one takes over and they actually chant for him. That’s a different one.

Let’s hit that chinlock! Shelton hits a Samoan Drop as we’ve got all kinds of cultures in this match. I want to punch Coach in the face. Carlito keeps trying to get a turnbuckle pad off and finally manages to do so. Those three words are fun to type in a row. I love the Dragon Whip, especially how it always hits people. Does no one watch tape? He gets the pad off and Shelton eats steal on the Stinger Splash. You know the rest.

Rating: D+. Not bad but a bit long and a bit boring at times. That and with the title change happening 6 days prior to this, there was no drama at all over who was winning. Carlito was somehow even less interesting at this point if you can believe that. I’ve seen worse though.

HHH and Flair are here.

Ross calls the Cell Satan’s Spa of Pain and Suffering. WHERE DOES HE COME UP WITH THESE THINGS?

We recap Christy Hemme vs. Victoria. This is over a swimsuit contest. Oh and Victoria (Tara) is insane, even though she has that idiotic I Ain’t The Lady to Mess With song.

ChristyHemmevs. Victoria

They start fast and Victoria does all kinds of evil things to Christy. This is non-title also since the title is on Smackdown at the moment. The cards in the set change based on who is in the current match. The fans don’t really care either. Lawler says this is about looks or whatever. Christy botches the heck out of a sunset flip. Yeah I’m stunned too.

Ross freaks because Christy can do a DDT. She can do one of the least complex moves of all time and she gets cheered for it. She goes for another sunset flip and Victoria drops down and grabs the ropes for the heel pin.

Rating: D-. The lack of failing is because these are two of the hottest Divas of all time. The match was totally awful though, if you didn’t guess that part.

Cena is with Todd Grisham, and talks about being the new kid. This is still rapper Cena which makes him sound like a guy that doesn’t belong in the spot that he’s in. This is greatly disturbing. In something very good though, he keeps that theme throughout the whole interview. That’s very nice indeed and it works very well as I like this promo.

We recap Kane vs. Edge. They met in the finals of a tournament for the #1 contenders’ spot and Lita turned on her husband Kane to join Edge. This was one that made people feel very sorry for Kane which was a great idea. Edge also married Lita on Raw, or at least tried to as Kane came up from under the ring which was an awesome moment. Keep in mind that I’m a big Kane mark. Kane tombstoning the minister is just awesome stuff.

Edgevs. Kane

I vaguely remember wanting to see this match. Wow I was about to be a senior in high school back then. Kane looks like a legitimate awesome face at this point. In something I like, Kane does the ten punches in the corner and then just goes off with punches, getting up to probably 25 or so. The fans want Matt, who is gone. In real life, Matt and Lita were dating and Lita left him for Edge, so WWE of course turned it into an angle. Have to love those heartfelt guys.

Kane stays ticked off as he’s dominating this for the most part. Edge would be world champion in like 7 months so I’d say he wound up winning this one. The spear hits on the floor to hit the formula in full stride. Lawler gets in a decent line on JR, saying that in Oklahoma Hee-Haw was a documentary. Kane Kanes Up and JR says he’s setting Edge on fire here. Again, what does that mean?

Crowd is WAY into Kane here oddly enough. Edge hits a nice dropkick to block the top rope clothesline. Man Lita is thin here. Snitsky comes out and interferes THREE FREAKING TIMES. Seriously, is there no reason at all to not have two referees in kayfabe? Not that I can think of. Anyway, eventually Edge accidentally hits Gene with the MITB case, chokeslam ends it.

Rating: B-. This was a pretty solid upper midcard match, but Snitsky’s run in hurt it. The main thing here is that it gave Kane a clean pin over Edge, which makes Kane a big time threat again. Also, it’s nice seeing him getting a big win as they’re rare for him which to me sucks but whatever. Either way, this was pretty good.

We recap Angle vs. Michaels, which mostly was everyone wanting a rematch after their classic at Mania, sort of like what Taker did but less intense.

Shawn says Vengeance will be his. See what he did there? Nice one. Imagine me saying that in the cheesiest voice imaginable.

KurtAnglevs. ShawnMichaels

This should be good and I believe Becca says it’s Shawn’s best match so that’s saying a lot. Seriously, what purpose does Coach serve? I know he’s supposed to be the heel analyst, but he makes points that Jerry should be making so Jerry, who is far better, has less to do. We get a long feeling out/technical sequence to start which I can’t complain at all about. Angle takes over with some solid stuff on the mat but we’re still mostly in the feeling out stage at this point.

Angle hooks a half crab to start working on the ankle. Nice. For a guy his size, Shawn could throw one heck of a chop. He hits a spinning sunset flip off the middle rope but Angle turns it into the ankle lock. This is a chess game and it’s working very well even though we’re only about 5 minutes in. Angle hits the slam on the table which doesn’t break for a FREAKING OW moment. We even get a freaking turnbuckle powerbomb. That just looks awesome every time.

It’s all Kurt here but you can tell they’re in for a long one here. Basically what we have is how much can Shawn take, as he’s getting beaten up very badly here but he keeps countering the finishers. Angle’s lip is bleeding and Shawn is bleeding just under his eye. This is a very slow build but the crowd is staying in it so that is certainly acceptable. Shawn hits his flying forearm and the nip up gets a great pop. His selling really is great stuff. However he does the longest set up for the Sweet Chin Music of all time and Angle easily blocks it. That took almost 30 seconds to set up.

Shawn keeps covering after a DDT which is what Angle did to Shawn earlier on. I love little things like that. Angle comes back with Rolling Germans and an Angle Slam for two as we approach epicness. There goes the referee of course. Has there ever been a big match where the referee didn’t go down? Shawn takes a GREAT bump to the floor off a back drop. He was in free fall and just crashed, hurting his knee. Lawler goes on a semi rant talking about how you can’t get medical attention during a match.

Where is that kind of talk recently? Shawn stays in the ankle lock for the better part of ever but FINALLY counters as Angle hits the post. Angle goes for Shawn but OUT OF NOWHERE Shawn hits the superkick. Of course it’s just two as the referee counts to eight on both guys. Coach makes my head hurt a lot by saying he’s never seen anyone kick out of Sweet Chin Music. Angle goes up top for a double axe handle of all things but comes down into the boot for the pin.

Rating: A. This was one fine wrestling match. These two are absolute masters out there and this is no exception at all as both worked themselves ragged with great selling and back and forth work. This is a classic in every sense of the word and definitely should be seen.

Angle gets an ovation as he leaves just like he should.

Great American Bash ad which is mainly about Torrie.

Coach talks to Batista, who says he’s not scared and he’s going to get his revenge tonight. He words it a lot better. HHH comes up and I want to submit to his mustache. Pull apart brawl ends this.

Lillian Garcia is here…uh just because I guess. This is something about Viscera apparently. What was Vince’s obsession with large black men being obsessed with sex? I smell a Godfather cameo here. Lillian deserves an Oscar and a raise for this. She sings a song for him which is a great song but it helps to not look at the screen except when she’s on it. She proposes to him, crowd pops, cue Godfather. I was right. I want a hat with a feather in it like that.

Godfather offers him 5 Ho’s and of course he takes them. Was there a point to this other than to have Lillian look all sad and depressed? This is horrible yet hilarious. Ah that’s right: since we have single brand PPVs we only have 6 matches so we get pointless filler like this. Can you imagine Lawler having sex with that creepy smile never leaving his face? That’s just bizarre sounding.

We recap the triple threat which started with Cena being the top pick in the draft and Christian and Tomko yelling at him. Christian get the #1 contender spot and Jericho is mad about it. Jericho turned heel to set up a 3-1 beatdown. The language and mannerisms here are so different from today that it’s insane.

RawWorldTitle (WWE): ChrisJerichovs. Christianvs. JohnCena

So Christian was about 3 months away from leaving and Jericho was about 2 months away, so this is one of their last big matches. At the moment Christian is little more than a midcarder in over his head. Christian’s music is just odd sounding when it’s at that slower pace. Actually all three of these guys have had almost the same music for almost five years. That’s very different. Oh and the spinner is new at this point. Wow that was freaking idiotic.

The one now isn’t nearly as bad as it used to be. Lawler bets on Christian and Ross doesn’t make a pick. That was a waste of time. Tomko interferes and is out. These are always hard to comment on as they’re mainly comprised of one on one segments and then a save before repeating about three times and go to the finish. Cena hits the FU on Christian to the floor to give us Jericho vs. Cena which is ok I guess. Apparently Cena’s CD is out at the moment.

Earlier Cena complained about Jericho using the WWE Title to sell records. That’s just hilarious actually. Cena is a freaking hypocrite. Lionsault of course misses and now Jericho is alone in the ring. The fans pop for the table being uncovered. We hit match number two as Christian and Cena go at it. Wow it’s weird to hear Christian being called a veteran. It’s time for the heels to fight now which would be a main event today but is a clash of the upper midcard here.

We get a Tower of Doom as Christian gets suplexed and Jericho is powerbombed by Cena. Nice one too. In another nice spot, Cena drop toeholds Christian’s head into Jericho’s and hits a double 5 Knuckle Shuffle. Tomko takes Cena down but Christian only gets two. The Walls are applied and of course they don’t work since this is a Chris Jericho match. Cena gets Christian in the FU and kicks Jericho in the face to get the pin.

Rating: B+. This took a long time to get going but the last five minutes are very good. They actually did some three person spots in there which make this feel like a triple threat match where anyone could win. There was little to no drama but at the same time this wound up working very well indeed and I liked it a lot.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Batista vs. HHH as they had been in Evolution together but after Batista won the Rumble he overheard HHH and Flair talking about how they have Big Dave around their little finger. Batista turned face more or less by force as he was so popular there was no other choice. He beat HHH at Mania and then at Backlash so HHH left Raw for a few weeks before coming back for a beatdown and challenging him to this. This really was a well built up feud and it feels like a huge match.

RawWorldTitle (World): Batistavs. HHH

Apparently the Cell is now the Devil’s Duplex. Seriously, what is JR on because I want some of it. Also it’s now a sentient being as it has something like emotions I guess. The Cell is still half up as Batista’s music hits. I didn’t realize he had I Walk Alone this early but apparently he did. He also had the gun pyro which is rather cool. He’s also embarking on his maiden voyage inside Hell in a Cell. Is he a boar captain all of a sudden? You can never accuse JR of using basic language.

The Cell being lowered really is a cool moment as you know you’re about to see some violence. Lawler says there is no way out. Today that would likely get him yelled at by Vince for bringing up memories of a defunct show. Why is he so paranoid about so many things? Batista is in the white tights here so you know he’s serious. They point out how fairly stupid it is to give HHH back to back shots by more or less saying this is the last chance for him.

HHH goes to the arm by sending it into the post. That’s smart I guess as it’s hard to Batista Bomb someone with one arm, although you would think the leg would be smarter. Then again he married Stephanie so he’s smarter than we are. And now HHH gets a tool box. This cannot turn into another Home Improvement match like it was vs. Nash. Well if nothing else Batista is better than Nash so I can live with that.

There’s a big chain, which at least is something that I guess you could understand having in a tool box assuming you could use it to secure something or to get a grip on something. I should host a tool show. Batista manages to survive about a minute of being choked by a chain which is being pulled by a 6’4 270lb man. What? You don’t see how that makes sense?

I love fans that encourage violence that could potentially kill a man. Well to be fair HHH is supposed to anger the fans so he’s getting that right. Batista hits four spinebusters on the floor. Not really as he just rammed HHH into the post but whatever Ross says goes I guess. HHH mimics Flair and is busted open. The white boots are working for Big Dave. HHH hits a real spinebuster to get us back to even.

He gets a barbed wire steel chair from under the ring which is there to cover any and all of their barbed wire steel chair needs. Batista takes a SICK shot of it to the back. I know it’s rubbed tipped or fixed to an extent, but DANG it looked great. The face of Batista more or less says a combination of OH MY GOODNESS, OW and DANG I COULD GO FOR A POPSICLE. He gets the chair and DRILLS HHH in the head with it. That sounded and looked great.

I love the raking of a person’s face into the cage. That just looks awesome every time they do it and it never gets old. It’s ALL Batista at this point. HHH takes a powerslam onto the barbed wire. Ok so it landed on his leg but whatever. I guess those Buns of Steel videos helped a lot there. HHH counters with a DDT onto it as this is getting very good. Both guys are bleeding now. See, this is a great example of using blood to make a match better.

Instead of just randomly bleeding in every match, this has been a brutal fight that has built up to this moment and it feels epic. Rather than having blood in every match where it becomes clichéd, the blood here is a sight that makes you think about how brutal this is. A sledgehammer shot to the face gets two as we’ve reached epic. Batista kicks out of a punch wrapped in chain to a HUGE pop.

A lot of people that that was it apparently and I can’t say I blame them. In a cool spot right after that, HHH jumps at Batista with the chain but Batista holds up the hammer so that it slams into HHH’s jaw/throat. He stands there for about 8 seconds before just collapsing. I love that visual. HHH got LAUNCHED over the corner. After this long of a match I’m surprised he can take a bump like that. Batista busts out some steps and gets them in the ring with HHH down.

HHH is just getting destroyed here as Batista is just in a zone here. Batista Bomb is countered with a low blow and the Pedigree for a LONG two. The steps are set up in the middle of the ring and Batista is in trouble. Pedigree is blocked into a spinebuster onto the steps and a Batista Bomb for the pin.

In a nice move, HHH picked up the hammer but gets dropped before he can hit it. When he’s pinned it’s still in his hand which is like the scene that ends a movie, or in this case a great match. HHH would be gone four months for this as Cena became top dog on Raw. I’m sure HHH’s diminishes spotlight had nothing to do with his absence at all.

Rating: A. This was a WAR. This is what Hell in a Cell is supposed to be like: two guys that absolutely cannot stand each other beating the hell out of the other person for a single prize. The blood was great, the violence was great, and both guys were great. See this match for sure as it’s awesome and I’m pretty sure it’s on the Hell in a Cell DVD. Great match and it made Batista look unstoppable.

OverallRating: A-. That might be a bit high but with two GREAT matches and one that’s very good along with a decent Kane/Edge match, an ok opener and Christy looking great, what more can you ask for here? Angle vs. Shawn is a great wrestling match and the main event is a great sports entertainment match. Either way you can’t go wrong. Throw in a very good Cena match and the last hour and a half of this show are about as perfect as you can get. GREAT show and definitely go check this out.a

Remember to follow me o Twitter @kbreviews

Armageddon 2003
Date: December 14, 2003
Location: TD Waterhouse Centre, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 9,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We continue this series with 2003’s show, which something tells me won’t be all that good. The main event is Kane vs. Goldberg vs. HHH for the Raw world title. This is Raw only so we’re not going to see much else other than that of note. This was a bad time for the company as the whole show on Raw was about HHH and there wasn’t much else to say. Benoit was on the rise though and that guy named Cena was making some noise on Smackdown. Anyway let’s get to this.

Foley has some authority here which I don’t remember at all.

Lillian sings the national anthem. Oh ok this is right after Sadaam Hussein was caught. That explains it.

The opening video quotes the Bible a lot.

Booker T vs. Mark Henry

Henry is getting a big heel push here which would be over soon. He beat Booker at Survivor Series to eliminate him from that match. Henry won a street fight also so we finish the feud with a regular match of course. Booker goes straight at him and that fails pretty quickly. Teddy Long manages Henry because they’re both black I guess. Henry tosses him to the floor and Booker fires off a kick. That gets him rammed into the steps so I guess that was a bad idea.

Booker manages a plancha to the floor and Henry is rocked a bit. Back in and the missile dropkick gets two. Henry gets him in position for the World’s Strongest Slam but I guess falling all the way down is too much for him so he settles for a backbreaker. Bow and arrow goes on and Henry is dominating. Off to the chinlock now to waste some time. Booker keeps slapping the mat but that’s not a tap because it’s not the planned finish I guess.

Oh now it’s a bearhug for rest hold #3 in a row. I guess the resting took too much out of Henry. Henry takes him down again but misses a legdrop to give Booker a breather. Booker gets in some kicks and the axe kick gets two. Henry gets a spinebuster for two as Henry is spent. Leg drop hits as Ross blames Henry’s lack of experience. Are you kidding me? Another slam gets two. And out of nowhere Booker gets a kick to the ribs and the second scissors kick to end it. Totally random ending.

Rating: D+. Not bad but Booker was in against someone that he couldn’t carry for the most part. Henry is someone that doesn’t need to be out there for nearly ten minutes, especially in the opening match. Not much here as for the most part it was pretty dull. Also the ending being all insane didn’t help.

Bischoff tells Christian and Jericho that they need to beat Lita and Trish tonight. Jericho is apprehensive about this which would lead to his face turn. They’re interrupted by Foley’s music in the arena.

Here’s Foley complete with a cheap pop for saying Orlando. There’s a petition to bring Austin back apparently and there are a lot of signatures on it. Stacy comes out as a cheerleader to celebrate with Foley for getting that many signatures. Even Foley does a cartwheel. Here’s Evolution to complain though, in the form of Orton and Flair. Orton vs. Foley was teased forever but they didn’t pull the trigger for a long time. Orton says Austin is gone and Orton wants the IC Title. Foley takes off his shirt and is refereeing the IC Title match, which is RIGHT NOW.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Orton

Rob takes him down quickly and Orton heads to the floor. Back in and we get some surprisingly decent chain wrestling, resulting in a standoff. Rob gets a shot to the ribs and a cross body off the top for two. Spinwheel kick puts Orton on the floor as Rob has been in control nearly the entire match so far. Big dive takes Orton out again as Rob threatens Flair a bit.

Slingshot legdrop gets two. He tries to go up again but Orton manages to shove him off, flying into the railing in one of his signature spots. Out to the floor and Orton gets that awesome dropkick of his. Back in and Orton chokes away with Rob making a hilarious face at the same time. Foley pulls Orton off Rob and Flair is TICKED.

Orton takes over with his usual stuff. Well usual for this time at least. It’s so weird to see him with only a few tattoos and normal looking skin. There’s the chinlock just to confirm it’s an Orton match. Big clothesline by Orton but he poses instead of covering. Seated dropkick gets two and it’s chinlock city again. Rob grabs a rolling cradle out of nowhere for two.

Split legged moonsault gets two. Orton hits a move of his I’ve always loved: he puts Rob on his shoulder like for a powerbomb and steps forward, pulling Rob down into a neckbreaker. Love that. Oh look here’s another chinlock. I know that’s a cliché for him but it’s true. Rob fights out of it after WAY too long and hits his spin kick to take over.

Off to the floor again and with Orton draped over the railing, Rob hits that spinwheel kick off the apron. Elevated DDT coming back in gets two. Knee drop by Orton misses and Van Dam gets a rollup with his legs for two. Rolling Thunder hits and there goes Flair whose hair is DRENCHED. Spinning kick takes down Randy again and it’s Five Star time. Flair has something in his hand but Foley takes him down. Orton dropkicks Rob off the ropes and there’s the RKO for the title.

Rating: C+. Pretty good here but Orton clearly didn’t know how to work a long match, although to be fair he still pretty much doesn’t. Van Dam is a weird guy to have carry you so Orton had to do a lot here. Foley would get spat on the next night and leave until the Rumble and then wrestle against Orton at Mania and Backlash. Either way, not bad here but not a classic.

We recap Christian/Jericho vs. Trish/Lita. This was a long story but a pretty good one at the same time. Jericho and Christian tried to hook up with Trish and Lita respectively with a secret bet being that whoever got to sleep with their respective chick first wins a single dollar, Canadian. Trish started to fall for Jericho and then overheard the whole story behind the bet.

The girls came out and held up the Canadian dollar that Christian put down for the bet. They actually beat up the Canadian guys and Eric made an intergender tag match. Jericho however started to feel bad about all this, beginning his face turn. This was a really good story and it worked all the way through Mania.

Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Lita/Trish Stratus

JR says that Bischoff is like Hussein. No, he isn’t. Jericho and Trish start us off and Jericho tries to explain. A right hand slap misses but the left connects. After all those years of Trish being the best female wrestler in the country, Trish becomes a slap fighter. Jericho spanks her which wakes Trish up a bit so she starts firing off some headscissors and dropkicks.

Christian tags himself in and wants Lita. Lita at least tries some more leverage and speed moves which is what she does in her regular matches so it makes sense. A slam puts Lita down and it’s off to Jericho. Then he stands on her hair and pulls her up. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Lita counters a powerbomb into a rana and it’s off to Christian. There goes Lita’s top which makes Christian far more popular.

Lita manages to get a low blow in and there’s Trish. THANKFULLY she wakes up and fights like she’s capable of doing, snapping off her forearms and the Chick Kick. Stratusfaction doesn’t work but she ducks to avoid a charging Christian and he goes to the floor. Lita crotches Jericho but the Stratusphere doesn’t work. Christian gets two but the Matrish sends Christian into Jericho for two. Lita snaps off a rana which she does better than almost anyone. Jericho checks on Trish and Christian rolls her up for the pin.

Rating: C. All things considered, not too bad here. Once Trish remembered how to wrestle this got a lot better. The men vs. women matches can work and this got close as the girls weren’t out there using nothing but chokes and slaps as they used their regular stuff and it worked pretty well. Not a great match or anything but for the purposes of this it was fine.

We recap Shawn vs. Batista. Shawn was the last man standing in the Survivor Series match and was making an incredibly comeback but Batista ran in and drilled Shawn with the Batista Bomb and Shawn couldn’t get up from that. Eric and Shawn blamed each other for Austin being gone as per the stipulations of the loss. Batista said he cost Shawn his job and Shawn said come get some, hence the following match.

Shawn Michaels vs. Batista

Batista hadn’t been back long after a triceps injury so this is one of his first major singles feuds. This is Shawn’s 68^th PPV match. That’s a pretty awesome number, especially when this is Batista’s third match on PPV. Flair is with Batista here again. Shawn snaps off some punches in the corner which don’t do much damage but they’re something I guess. More of them land and Batista is getting annoyed.

Shawn fires some kicks into the leg and tags Ric on the floor. Back in the ring Batista gets his hands on Shawn and the pain begins. Suplex gets two. Big Dave works on the back which is still the focal point of Shawn every time he’s out there. There’s the forearm but Batista kills him with a clothesline after the nipup. To the floor we go and Shawn eats steps.

More back worth by Dave, this time in the form of a backbreaker. Shawn starts his comeback with a bunch of strikes and there’s a second forearm/nipup. A two handed choke by Batista is countered into a DDT to put both guys down. The big elbow hits and the fans are into it all of a sudden. Chin music is countered into a spinebuster though and there’s a second one. Batista Bomb is countered out of nowhere and Shawn hits the kick, falling on top for the pin.

Rating: B-. Not terrible but I wasn’t feeling the ending. I get the theory of it, which is Shawn can’t go toe to toe with him and needs to use his experience to get that one big shot in to take Batista down, but that doesn’t mean it worked. Not a bad match but Batista was still getting the hang of things and it showed. Shawn helped him through a lot of this, and that’s the point of a veteran.

Maven vs. Matt Hardy

Maven comes out while Batista is still in the ring and Big Dave is MAD. This is still Matt Hardy V 1.0. Today’s Matt fact is that his fingernails go quickly. They start it out on the ramp as Batista and Flair are still in the ring. Matt throws Maven into the ring and Batista kills him with some clotheslines and various other attacks, finishing it with the Bomb. Make that a pair of Bombs. No match due to the attack. This match was added on Heat so it’s not like this is some huge match that they’re taking from us. Matt counts a pin of his own which doesn’t count.

In the back Batista is still freaking out. See what I mean about the whole show being around one set of people? Flair tells him they’re walking out with title belts tonight.

Raw Tag Titles: Tag Team Turmoil

Gauntlet match more or less, with two teams starting and the winners advancing to face the next team. There are six teams total and we start with La Resistance vs. Rosey/Hurricane. The Dudleys are the champions coming in. Rosey takes over on Conway to start but it’s off to Hurricane very quickly. Out to the floor quickly which goes nowhere so back in for a full nelson by Conway.

Swinging neckbreaker gets no count because he’s under the ropes. Dupree comes in as we talk about France in Iraq. Never let it be said that Vince passes up a chance to cheer on AMERICA. Hurricane gets a face buster to escape and there’s a double tag. Rosey cleans house and throws out Dupree. A super splash off the shoulders of Rosey off the second rope ends Conway.

Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade are in next, running through the crowd and stealing a rollup pin in maybe 20 seconds.

In next are Storm and Venis with the new guys taking over on Jindrak who escapes to bring in Cade. The fans tell Storm he’s boring which is a point to his character at this point. Storm speeds things up a bit but double teaming by the heels takes the heel down. Wait, actually I guess Storm and Venis are good guys. Works for me I guess. Storm avoids a splash in the corner and here’s Venis.

Val cleans house, destroying both guys with relative ease. He was always a pretty steady hand so that doesn’t really surprise me. Lance hits a Cactus Clothesline to take himself and Cade out. Val tries a suplex to bring Jindrak back in but it’s the Warrior at Mania 5 ending for them.

Team number five are the Dudleys, the reigning champions. The Dudleys take over and it’s a Tree of Woe for Cade. They’re only ten time champions here so this is a LONG time ago for them. Off to D-Von and Jindrak with Jindrak hitting a clothesline to get two. Jindrak isn’t that good at stomping. Cade goes up but mostly misses an elbow. Double tag and Bubba cranks it up. Everything breaks down and D-Von and Jindrak trade rollups. Dropkick misses and 3D ends Jindrak.

The final team is Steiner/Test. Bubba may have hurt his shoulder. Double team on Bubba but he manages to take Test down. Suplex sends Bubba flying and Test works on his arm a bit. We finally get something normal going with Steiner vs. Bubba. Steiner drops the elbow and actually covers, getting two. Fujiwara Armbar by Steiner and it’s off to Test who works on the arm even more.

Up to the corner and Bubba shoves Test off and ACTUALLY HITS THE BACKSPLASH!!! I’ve never seen him hit that ever and shockingly enough the guy he hit it on is now dead. Double tag brings in Steiner and D-Von. Neckbreaker takes Scotty down and another one to Test gets two. Double teaming occurs by the challengers and Test gets a sidewalk slam for two. Test accidentally kicks Steiner but Test gets a full nelson slam to D-Von for two. Nice move by the Canadian to send in the belt as a decoy and then he gets a chair shot with the referee distracted. Doesn’t work as a Bubba Bomb gets the pin on Test but nice idea.

That would be the end in theory but here’s Bischoff to announce that there’s a final team, who have used their favor for winning at Survivor Series. Yep it’s Flair/Batista. This lasts about 90 seconds and the Dudleys get in maybe two punches combined. Batista gets the powerbomb on D-Von for the titles.

Rating: C-. Hard to call these because they’re more or less just a bunch of Raw matches thrown together into a 20 minute match. It’s ok but if you’ve seen one of these you’ve seen the vast majority of them. It really does show you how weak the division is when the Dudleys are the only realistic team that could win in there. Nothing great but I’ve seen worse.

We hear about Christmas in Baghdad a bit and we get some clips of a press conference about it.

Raw Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Ivory

This is a bonus match. Molly is champion and there’s no story to this whatsoever. The thing with Molly at this point is she’s a virgin and she’s frustrated all the time. From what I remember she was a virgin until she was married in real life. That’s rather cool. Molly is sent to the floor as no one cares about this at all. Ivory hits a flip off the apron to take Molly down again.

Back inside as there’s nothing going on here at all. You can tell this is the food break match before the main event and that’s fine. You have to have one of those I guess. Armbar goes on by Molly as we talk about anything but this match. JR apologizes for having nothing to say because he doesn’t have any notes for it. Molly hits a Muta elbow for two. Ivory gets a rollup which is reversed into one by Molly for the pin.

Rating: D+. Just a match really here. Was there going to be anything of note here at all expected? It’s just a bonus match so it’s not like you can really complain here. Neither of these chicks would wind up doing anything else in the division for more or less the rest of time, so there you are.

We recap the main event. Goldberg beat HHH at Survivor Series on a broken ankle. You would think that would end the feud but HHH said we’re not done yet. Then Kane just kind of jumped in for no apparent reason. A triple threat was made and we get a music video out of it.

Raw World Title: Kane vs. HHH vs. Goldberg

Goldberg is champion. The first minute is literally just standing around yelling at each other. Way to use that PPV time guys! The first shot hits after about a minute and twenty seconds and Goldberg gets double teamed. After a solid beating, Goldberg gets a shot in via a clothesline but Kane takes him down with ease. Goldberg fights them both off for a bit and knocks HHH to the floor.

Kane sits up and it’s time for the showdown. After the taller one takes over, Goldberg gets a spinning neckbreaker but HHH comes back in before he can capitalize. The top rope clothesline is countered by a slam but Goldberg actually can’t get HHH up for a gorilla press. Spear is loaded up and the crowd gets up for it, only for Kane to kick his head off and hammer away on his fellow member of the bald brotherhood.

Double suplex to Goldberg and HHH applauds Kane, who hits a powerslam on Billy Boy. HHH tries to steal the pin and we knew we’d get here eventually. HHH gets knocked to the floor but Kane clothesline Goldberg on the top rope. JR calls it bowling shoe ugly as HHH pops Kane with a chair to prevent a chokeslam. Goldberg gets the chair and goes to Pillmanize HHH’s ankle like HHH hired Batista to do.

Kane saves the Game for no apparent reason. I guess this doesn’t have a password system. Out to the floor and we load up the announce table. Goldberg fights Kane off and tries to Jackhammer him through the table, but HHH gets a chair shot in to break it up. Kane chokeslams the other bald dude on the table but it doesn’t break. HHH drops an elbow to put him though it though and pops him with a chair also.

Kane sees HHH holding the chair and isn’t happy. Then again Kane is never happy so that works out well. Kane actually lets HHH live, only to be sent into the steps as soon as he turns his back. Pedigree on the floor doesn’t work and Kane goes all evil again. Back in the ring and Kane hits some of his signature spots. The big clothesline looks to set up the chokeslam, but HHH gets a thumb to the eye to break it up.

DDT puts Kane down but Kane sits up. Neckbreaker doesn’t get a cover either so Kane sits up again. They fight to the floor as Goldberg is still down. Pretty weak chokeslam on the ramp so only Kane is left standing. Everyone gets back in the ring and Goldberg spears Kane down for two. Everybody punches everybody and Goldberg takes over. Another spear to Kane and one to HHH as well. Cue Evolution and we keep going. Goldberg and Kane choke each other to huge booing and there’s a low blow to set up the chokeslam on Goldberg. Batista pops up to pull Kane out so HHH can steal the title.

Rating: D+. This ran twenty minutes which is really not something that you want to do when you have three people that work more or less the exact same style. Not a very good match here as this got old quickly. It’s also rather boring to see the same stuff over and over again in three ways. This really needed a different guy besides Kane out there to change up the styles and it would have helped a lot if that had been the case.

Overall Rating: D. Really weak show here with nothing at all being very good. The total Evolution dominance isn’t that interesting either as it’s all the same stuff over and over again all night long. I’ve seen worse shows, but at the same time things just dragged on this show. This is another example of a show that would have been ok as an In Your House, but as a regular PPV, this wasn’t very good at all. Nothing to see here.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Tables Ladders And Chairs 2009
Date: December 13, 2009
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 15,226
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Matt Striker

So here we are as I finish off this string of shows and have everything from Night of Champions 09 to whatever show is the latest when you read this review. This show is about violence as we have FOUR gimmick matches: a ladder match, a table match, a chair match and a combo platter with a TLC match. This was a pretty weak looking card on paper but I had a lot of fun with this show. That being said, let’s wrap up this string of shows and get to it.

The video is about going through all of those weapons. Oddly enough just minutes before this, we heard that chair shots to the head are no longer legal under the Wellness Policy. Talk about irony. The set is cool as there are ladders hanging from the ceiling. I like that.

ECW Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian

This is the ladder match. I had almost gotten to the point of being sure that Benjamin would be winning here. Ah sweet we have the three man commentary team now. That’s a great thing to have for the PPVs. Christian gets a solid pop. Dang man there are ladders EVERYWHERE. Why in the world would you ask Lawler about his strategy for a ladder match? Actually that’s good as that’s his job.

Cole has gotten better at setting him up with softball questions which is what King is there for. This should be very awesome. The ECW Title has never changed hands in Texas. Could be because ECW didn’t go to Texas that much but whatever. We hit the floor and Christian gets the BIG ladder. And that doesn’t work so there we are. He’s in the ring with a ladder first but something tells me this isn’t how the match ends and I’m right as Shelton makes the save.

If nothing else Shelton is one of the few people that truly impresses me in the ring at times. Not a lot of people have ever been able to do that but there are times when he has my jaw hanging open. Christian is busted open and I’m pretty sure it’s legit as a ladder fell on his head. Yeah that’s legit. And here’s a guy to check on him. Oh dear. The fans chant WE WANT BLOOD. I love modern crowds. There’s a Santa in the crowd. That’s cool if nothing else.

For no apparent reason Shelton climbs a ladder on the floor. Sure why not? And it’s table time now. Apparently not as Shelton sets up a ladder between the ring and the announce table. Something tells me I know what’s coming. Nothing happens with it yet as we’re back in the ring. Shelton sets for what would be a Stinger Splash but Christian just throws the ladder at him. Simple yet effective.

Crowd is WAY behind Christian. I’m not sure if I like them going with the big ladders here or not. I think I do but I’m not sure. Shelton gets up the ladder and Christian shoves him off very slowly, but Shelton lands on the top rope on his feet. Think about that for a minute. That’s amazing. I know there isn’t much to criticize here but it’s a solid match. Yeah those ladders hanging from the ceiling look awesome. Shelton with a powerslam from the top of the ladder that looks better than it sounds.

Shelton does the Jeff Hardy spot where he hangs from the belt. I’ve always found that stupid. Why not just unhook the stupid thing? Striker wants to know that too. Spotfests are fun. In a mostly cool looking spot, Shelton does that slingshot sunset flip into a powerbomb but Christian reverses into a hurricanrana. Nicely done but slightly botched which is understandable given the move they were trying to do. And now we get to the ladder they set up as a table earlier.

Shelton is trying to hit a German Suplex to Christian through the ladder but it’s blocked and Shelton lands on it. Christian dives through it and the ladder breaks. Has NOTHING on the Hardy/Edge version. Not a thing and the crowd is clearly not as into it as they wanted them to be. It ends the match though.

Rating: B+. Total spotfest but fun. It was missing that epic spot to make it legendary though. Still though, perfect choice for the opener and it did exactly what it was supposed to do: get the crowd into the show. Very entertaining match and I think I lowballed it here.

We recap DX vs. Chris Jericho from Raw where Show beat up DX with ease and Jericho ACTUALLY PINNED HHH! Oh never mind that was a different show.

Intercontinental Title: Drew McIntyre vs. John Morrison

McIntyre was somehow more bland here than he is now if you can believe that. He doesn’t have the sweet entrance yet either. Morrison gets the preteen girl pop. The slow-mo entrance is cool no matter what people say. Striker says it’s been 20 years since there had been a new IC Champion in Texas. That’s so wrong I don’t know where to start. We’ll ignore Rey at Mania 25 right?

Drew is dominating the early parts of the match so far which is expected. This is a far more traditional match than the previous one which comes off as a nice change of pace to me. McIntyre hits a reverse Alabama Slam. I like that. Striker calls it an Alabama Jam, which was Bobby Eaton’s top rope legdrop so that’s just wrong. We’re on the floor now as this has been a pretty decent match. Starship Pain kind of hits.

Cole and Striker actually aren’t sure if it did or not. That’s not a good sign at all. Drew’s foot is under the rope though so there you are. Striker cites the official’s handbook. I want to read that someday. Could be fun. Drew has a foreign object which makes sense for him and the double arm DDT ends Morrison’s reign.

Rating: B-. Solid stuff here. I liked McIntyre more because of this match as Morrison looked good in a loss which is all you can ask of him. I like the double arm DDT as it’s Foley’s move which makes it awesome. Morrison would be in a main event in two months so what more can you ask for?

Quick question: Cole says this is his first major singles title. What’s a minor singles title?

Promo for the Slammys. That show sucked.

Vince congratulates Drew but Josh interrupts…and Vince leaves? Ok then. Drew says it was inevitable. Sheamus shows up and says that was impressive but he’s going to win too.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Mickie Jamesvs. Michelle McCool

I think the Piggy James story just started. Ah yes it has. I liked that angle actually. Michelle looks a tad off here but she still looks decent. We get the Piggy James skit too to hammer this home. Dang Layla looks good too. Lawler points out the obvious: Mickie James is hot. Michelle has crosses on her outfit and Striker says she should be in the HOF. Ok then. We get a weird staredown from the floor to the ring. It’s weirder than it sounds.

This isn’t much at all as it’s your standard TV women’s match. They say the wrong name of the Bash, calling it the Great American version of it. You ethnocentric jerks! Boring match so far. Oh great now we’re on the floor. Who would want to be on the floor with one of these two? Yeah I hate this match. All I can do is look at the women here so there we are. And Layla interferes and Michelle gets the pin. Well at least it’s over now.

She just kicked her? It was a regular kick and that’s enough to get the pin? Cole, San Antonio isn’t the 2nd biggest city in Texas. last it can we get a competent announcer? Please? Oh. Apparently it is bigger than Dallas. Well Cole still sucks so there we are.

Rating: D-. Oh this was bad. I never once cared about this match at all and at least at the time it made no sense because of the Piggy James thing. Now to be fair by the end of it Mickie won…only to lose again. This was a horrible match though that sucked beyond belief. The only perk was the women so there we are.

Recap of Cena vs. Sheamus. Sheamus won a battle royal to get this match and it was deemed a tables match. I like it and at the time I actually had this little feeling that Sheamus would do it. I never said it because I believed it was nuts. Let’s get to it though. The booking here was nothing short of brilliant.

Everything both guy said was true and I totally bought into the whole thing. Rewatching this I’m totally buying into the build for it. That’s a great sign. Cena saying he can make Sheamus a footnote is a great line.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. John Cena

Oh man I’m actually fired up for this match. That’s impressive as that hardly ever happens to me on live show let alone ones that are three months old. We see an Irish newspaper with Sheamus in it. That’s just awesome. Oh there are also tables and chairs hanging from the ceilings. That really is a cool look. There’s the little kid pop for Cena. Love it. Love him or hate him, the guy gets a reaction everywhere he goes. Can’t beat that.

It’s big match intro time which really does help things out a lot I think. It makes you feel like you’re watching something special. I’m glad they never had Lawler follow up on getting kicked. Cole says the last foreign born WWE Champion was Yokozuna. Jericho and Edge think Cole is an idiot. Sheamus goes for a table after about 2 minutes. At least he gets to the point. His back is either bleeding or bruised badly.

Either way it has some color to it now. This is the first time Sheamus has ever really been tested so that’s something to keep in mind. Cena gets the first table out but no one goes through it. Back in the ring we get a tease of Cena going through the table as he’s on the apron and Sheamus pounds on him. The drama here is so simple yet it’s great. FU through the table is blocked.

The idea here is simple: Sheamus doesn’t have to pin him or get a tap or anything like that. He has to knock him down in the right spot. That’s brilliant booking when you think about it as it’s unrealistic that Sheamus could beat Cena clean yet, but it’s perfectly reasonable for him to put Cena through a table as he’s done it once before. In case you can’t tell, I like the idea of this match. FU is reversed again. This has been decent so far.

Actually it’s been more than decent as they’re fighting on the ramp now. Cena is ticked off now and it’s more interesting because of it. He’s a great character. Yeah I said it. Back in the ring and Cena has another table. I wonder how packed it is underneath that ring. There’s the pump kick from Sheamus and Cena is down. We’ve got a table in the ring now with Cena down. Make that in the corner but whatever. I’m digging this match.

Five Knuckle Shuffle hits. Sheamus throws the table out. Brilliant again. It’s not often that you see psychology in gimmick matches but that was a good bit of it there. Table in play again as you can feel the ending coming. Cena’s cardio is uncanny. It really is as they’ve been fighting almost 15 minutes and Cena is barely breathing hard.

With the table in the middle of the ring, Cena puts Sheamus on the top to set up the FU. You can feel the crowd being nervous here as Sheamus counters. Instead he goes for a suplex but it’s countered and Cena is shoved through the table and SHEAMUS WINS THE TITLE! I have never heard a crowd go that silent that fast. Love it.

Rating: A. Not for the quality of the match, but for the shock. To anyone that says Cena doesn’t put people over or that WWE doesn’t make any new stars, I give you Exhibit A. This was legit shocking and a legit upset. The Live Discussion I was in for the PPV came to a screeching halt when this happened. Great moment that did exactly what it was supposed to do. I loved this and it was a great moment. The kids being in shock is a great sight.

Cena leaves, completely shocked. He picks up a small piece of the table and slips it into his pocket and leaves to cheers, which is the name of the show I have on in the background oddly enough.

Promo for Tribute To The Troops which is just straight up cool.

Lawler tries to argue that Cena fell through rather than getting pushed which lasts all of 2 seconds.

Switchfoot did the theme song. Worst live band I’ve ever heard.

We recap Taker vs. Batista which is really just Batista’s heel turn and getting the shot through some win that meant nothing. Ok this recap is WAY too long.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

This is a chairs match, which means that chairs are legal. Holy crap what a stupid match idea that is. No one knew what it was leading up to the match as we couldn’t fathom that this was what it would be. We were wrong I guess. We immediately get to the stupidity of the rules. You can only win by pinfall or submission. Ok, cool. That means no DQ right? If you can’t lose by disqualification, that means there are no disqualifications right?

Well if that’s the case, why do chairs need to be deemed legal? If there are no disqualifications, doesn’t that mean that everything, including chairs are legal? If you can’t get disqualified then why are only chairs legal? Also, have you ever noticed that everyone Taker fights, Cole says they dominate the Undertaker like no other? In that case wouldn’t it mean they all dominate him the same? Maybe I’m thinking into this too much.

Batista belongs as a heel. That’s all there is to it. I have to say all this to kill time as both guys’ entrances take the better part of ever. Dude, someone light a fire on Taker to get him to the ring faster. It worked at Elimination Chamber so it’ll work here. Oddly enough Lawler talks about the flames on the way to the ring which is just amusing. Apparently Batista has been Taker’s toughest competition.

That would be Bret Hart who Taker never beat in a title match so there you are. Oh and remember: Batista is NOT afraid. This is BY FAR the longest intro to a match I’ve written in a long time. I like being all wordy like this again. Ok, NOW there can be countouts and DQs? Then why did the announcer say that you can only win by pinfall or submission? I hate WWE at times. That’s the nature of the beast though.

Oh apparently Batista beat Kane to be number one contender. Good to know I guess. Chairs are in play now. This is really just a no DQ match which is ok, but the chair thing is just kind of stupid when you think of it. It’s ok, but at the same time there’s just nothing special really. The ring sounds overly metallic tonight too. It’s not at the levels that The Wrestling Classic was at but it’s still loud.

There’s the spear which I think is growing on me from Batista. He’s got the size to pull it off if nothing else. Spinebuster onto a chair and Batista is WARRIORING UP! He goes for Taker but instead we get the Go Go Platypus from Taker. After some more stuff we get the most oversold low blow this side of Honky Tonk Man from Taker. And a chair shot from Batista…gives him the belt? Cue up Long. I can feel the Dusty Finish coming and there it is.

No music but he’s talking so it’s close enough. Long says pardon his interruption. Are they watching my TV or something as PTI is on now. Long of course says no title switch on the low blow. My head hurts. Restart the match. Tombstone ends it in about 30 seconds.

Rating: D. I did not like this match at all and the ending just killed it even worse than the match itself did. The rules were overly complicated and they should have gone with a chair on a pole or something match like that. This was by far and away the weakest in their usually very good series. Did not like this at all.

Naturally we get a ton of replays of what we just saw. Was Batista champion for a few seconds there? I’m not sure.

Ad for the really good Rumble from this current year.

For a change of pace, let’s recap something! This time it’s Kofi vs. Orton, which was a really good buildup to me. Also it got rid of Kofi’s stupid accent so that’s a perk. The car promo is still great. During this period, Kofi stopped being a goof and started being a credible worker. We also get the MSG Boom Drop which is awesome as all goodness still.

Kofi is in the back warming up and Legacy walks up to him. Yep this is pointless. And Kofi walks into Orton’s locker room. This is odd.

Mariachis are singing on the River Walk. That sounds like some weird code for something or other.

Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton

Randy is getting some slight pops at this point. I think I like Kofi’s weird starting stance. This feud got a decent build to it and I think this is their first full on match one on one. When I say full on I mean they had a short one on Raw that ended in a DQ which was just a few minutes long. I guess Orton has been around long enough to have a vintage. I love that snap powerslam he does if nothing else. Gah Scott Armstrong is the referee here.

I’m glad he’s gone if nothing else. In a SWEET sequence, Kofi catwalks up the steps to the apron up the buckles and then comes off the ropes with a dive to the floor but Orton hits a perfect dropkick to the ribs to block it. That was SWEET. I said SWEET twice. You could even say that was just….two….SWEET! Wow that was a bad pun. Back to the match I think. Orton kicks Kingston in the ribs a lot. Orton is getting more and more pops here and it’s odd to hear.

The pace of this match needs to pick up a bit and as I say that it begins to. Wow I have good timing. Boom Drop hits. The spin kick hits but Orton gets the ropes to a BIG reaction, so the crowd is into this at least. Out of nowhere Orton hits the elevated DDT. Wouldn’t Kofi’s hair block some of that? The Punt is blocked. Dive on the ball you idiots! Another Trouble In Paradise misses to set up the RKO for the ending.

Rating: B-. Good here but not great. Kingston looked good in losing as the whole story leading up to this was about him shedding his goofy image and it worked very well. Kingston wasn’t ready to beat Orton clean so that’s good I think. I liked it but it felt a bit flat. I think it was because this was added 6 days prior to the show so it kind of felt like filler. Still good though.

Don’t try this at home.

Batista is mad at Long and threatens him. He’s right too. Long, don’t try to act. You’re really bad at it.

Watch the awful Slammys tomorrow!

Unified Tag Titles: Degeneration X vs. Chris Jericho/Big Show

No recap here. Odd. Hmm let’s see. DX, the most ridiculously over tag team in the better part of ever in Shawn’s hometown main eventing a PPV that the main event is named after for titles they’ve never won. Yeah my money is on the champions too. In case you need a recap, they just don’t like each other. There’s your recap. I think I like Striker saying “In this analyst’s opinion.” It’s different if nothing else.

And now that they’re broken up, I like Jerishow’s music. This really was the only choice for the main event given the name of the show. Lawler points out the weight issues that Show is going to have with the ladder which is true. Table is brought in first. This really is a star studded main event. I think Show has the fewest world titles with what, 4-5? Or is it Shawn with 4? Either way, that’s saying a heck of a lot.

Yeah not counting the ECW Title as a world title, it’s Show with 4 and Shawn with 4 so you could go with Show ahead with the ECW Title as back then you could argue it was a world title. Even still it’s quite impressive. Naturally the first few minutes aren’t worth much but what do you expect really? HHH has a Pedigree countered on the ramp and all four of them are up there now.

Jericho and Shawn have a chair duel which is fun for a Zorro fan like me. It’s nice to see big stars get into matches like this. I like it if nothing else. The ring looks odd on an HD feed. You might notice I’m not talking about the match much but at this point there’s not much to talk about. DX suplexes a ladder onto Jericho in a cool spot. I love how they say it’s Shawn’s ladder match experience that tells him where to put the ladder.

I’d call it common sense myself but that’s just me. Shawn does a Flair Flip into HHH who is in the corner and hanging upside down from a ladder. Only in wrestling would that sound anything close to normal. In a SICK spot, HHH just throws a ladder over the top rope and hits Jericho in the head with it. Not quite to the level of Kane and Umaga with the steps but close enough I guess. It’s secondary finishers a go-go as Show is the only one left. He sets up a ladder but HHH gets him with a chair shot.

Show just shakes it off. I love that. DX stops his next attempt and hits a double Pedigree. HHH busts out a powerbomb to save the match. That’s a new one from him I think. And Show breaks the ladder. Thank you Striker for making sense of it: now DX can’t climb it. I don’t think I would have gotten that otherwise, and that’s not sarcasm. Oh wait: there’s more than one ladder, making that whole sequence TOTALLY POINTLESS.

The ladder is literally in two pieces. That’s freaking scary when you think about it since Show ripped it up by himself. In a cute spot, Jericho gets on Show’s shoulders but DX is waiting on them. Shawn gets up and kicks the defenseless Show, sending Jericho over the top rope and HEAD FIRST into a table.

That was one of the most painful looking bumps I have ever seen period. It’s a creative ending if nothing else. Now, using a little thing called common sense, HHH holds up the half of the ladder and Shawn climbs it. See why being a heel is bad now? It makes you stupid. Massive posing ends the show.

Rating: B. This was a bit weaker, but the right ending happened which is always a good sign. This sent the fans home happy and ended JeriShow’s reign properly. I’m not wild on the match itself, but it did what it was supposed to do so it gets a solid grade for it. There were some decent spots too and it’s far from a bad match, just not a great one.

OverallRating: B+. I really liked this show. I liked it a lot actually. I think I can safely call this the best of the “gimmick” shows so far as the whole night was about violence and how the gimmicks change things, such as with the Sheamus match. This had a good bit of everything in it and it came off as great to me.

The Divas match was weak but even still it had hot women and was relatively short. The Chair match is bearable I guess and Taker fans will like it. Still, 5/7 is a solid rating and I liked just about everything on this whole card. Definitely worth checking out as it’s a good show and a great ending to the year.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Survivor Series 2007
Date: November 18, 2007
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz, Joey Styles

This is one of those shows where there’s a little bit of something good and a little bit of something bad. First the bad: there’s Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali. The good though is Batista vs. the Undertaker inside the Cell, which almost has to be almost has to be good. Other than that the card looks fine and we’ve got Shawn in a world title match which is almost guaranteed to be at least decent. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how this started twenty years ago, as you would expect it to. It also talks about the main event matches tonight, as you would expect it to as well.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz

Punk is defending and Miz and Morrison are tag champions. The tag champions of course jump at the same time because one on one, neither have a chance to beat Punk. Punk kicks the tar out of Miz’s head and gets a quick two on Morrison. Both tag champions are sent to the floor where Punk takes both of them out with a suicide dive. Back in and Punk gets caught in a double suplex after the springboard clothesline fails.

Miz and Morrison double team Punk but Miz is the first of the heels to go extra heel, dumping Morrison out to the floor. He hooks a chinlock on Punk but has to let go to knock Morrison back to the outside. Punk kicks Miz in the head but Morrison comes back in with a backbreaker to the champ (as in the ECW Champ) followed by a cobra clutch (called a Japanese sleeper by Joey Styles because he likes to sound smarter than he actually is).

Miz pulls Punk to the floor and rams him into the concrete to get us down to the tag champions fighting. Morrison sends him into the corner chest first and hits the yet to be named Starship Pain for two. Punk comes back in and ranas Morrison off the top into a powerbomb from Miz in a SWEET looking move. That only gets two but it got a BIG reaction from the crowd.

With Morrison pretty much dead, Punk kicks Miz in the face for two and hits the knee/bulldog combo for the same. Punk hits a backbreaker on Miz but Morrison grabs a rollup and trunks on the champ for two. Morrison escapes the GTS but gets knocked to the floor, allowing Punk to hit the GTS on Miz for the pin to retain.

Rating: C. Other than that rana/powerbomb spot, this was only ok. Punk had to carry the whole thing, but you could see something special in Miz. It’s a little easier to see it now, but a buddy of mine said that he thought Miz would be the bigger deal because of this match. I’m not sure if I’d agree based on this match, but Miz did indeed look better than Morrison here. This was a pretty good choice for an opener, but the execution wasn’t great because Punk didn’t have enough to work with.

We recap MVP turning on Matt Hardy and taking out his knee. They had been partners for awhile before this but everyone thought MVP was evil the whole time, and this was the not very shocking turn.

MVP says that Matt won’t be competing tonight because he needs crutches to get by. That doesn’t surprise MVP, because Matt has always needed a crutch, be it either Jeff or MVP. Oh and he’s better than Matt.

Mickie James/Maria/Torrie Wilson/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Layla

One fall to a finish here and Beth is Women’s Champion. The Divas Title doesn’t exist yet which is how things should have stayed. Layla is WAY hotter being evil and Melina has some gorgeous hair. She also falls off the apron during her splits entrance which is worth a chuckle. The second attempt works and thankfully she’s smiling after screwing it up. Mickie and Maria are ridiculously good looking as well.

Victoria and Michelle start things off with Michelle taking over with a headlock. A big boot puts Victoria (Tara in TNA if you’re new at this) down and it’s off to Torrie who can’t wrestle a watchable match to save her life. Victoria kills her mostly dead with a side slam and it’s off to Layla who is so bad here that she can’t even beat up torrie. Kelly and Jillian come in and Jillian tries to scream a bit, only to get rolled up for two. Maria comes in, basically wearing a bikini.

Thankfully Beth comes in to flatten Maria before handing it right back to Layla. Actually make that Melina, who misses a charge at Maria and crotches herself, allowing for the hot tag to Mickie. James beats up everyone in sight, has her partners take out Beth, and hits the Long Kiss Goodnight on Melina for the pin. What’s the Long Kiss Goodnight you ask? That would be every 13 year old’s dream: Mickie literally bends Melina back and kisses her before kicking her in the head for the pin.

Rating: D. Yes, the match sucked. Yes, most of the women in this are horrible wrestlers. Yes, if you’re complaining about these things, you’re missing the point. This was pure fan service as you had ten girls in either tight or barely there outfits and one hot woman kissing another hot woman before kicking her in the head. If you’re looking for a wrestling match here, you’re in the wrong place.

Coach and Regal are in the back looking smug. Hornswoggle, who is Vince’s son at this point, is pacing very nervously. Remember that he faces Khali tonight.

Orton says history isn’t going to be made tonight. He’s going to beat Shawn because if Shawn uses the superkick, Shawn loses the match.

Shawn is here for revenge tonight because Orton has tried to hurt him and take his livelihood. Therefore tonight, Shawn is going to take the title.

Raw Tag Titles: Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes

Cade and Murdoch are defending. Rhodes is brand new at this point and spent weeks getting beaten up by Holly before Holly respected him enough to team with him. Cody and Cade start things off with the rookie getting hiptossed down. The crowd pretty much died as soon as the bell rang, which should tell you about the tag team situation at the time as these are the best Raw had for their belts.

Off to the very redneck Trevor Murdoch who chops away but gets caught in a headlock. Yeah Cody didn’t quite get anywhere as a worker for awhile. Holly comes in and is immediately beaten down by Cade. The crowd is reacting a bit so it’s not totally dead but it’s nothing special. The heels are sent into each other and fall out to the floor as Holly takes over. We actually get a HOLLY chant for the only time I can ever remember.

A rollup gets two for Hardcore and it’s off to Murdoch via a blind tag. Holly gets his head kicked off and things slow back down again. The champs tag in and out a lot before Cade picks up Murdoch to drop him down with a legdrop for two. We hit the chinlock on Holly which goes nowhere so Holly suplexes Trevor down. Cade misses an elbow drop but Holly still can’t tag out.

Cade tries that dropping Murdoch into a legdrop move again but as almost always is the case, it doesn’t work this time. Warm tag brings in Cody who hits a missile dropkick on Lance for two. Holly and Cade fall to the floor and Murdoch hits the stupid cousin of a Canadian Destroyer (much more like a sunset flip than a piledriver) to retain.

Rating: C-. Another so-so match here but at the end of the day, it’s Hardcore Holly and a rookie Cody Rhodes vs. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch. That’s only going to take you so far as the fans aren’t going to care about it for the most part. I don’t get why they didn’t change the titles here as Holly and Rhodes would get the belts in a month (and hold them for SIX MONTHS) anyway.

The announcers explain the concept of a Survivor Series match to the uninitiated. That’s something you hardly ever see anymore: a basic explanation of WHAT IS GOING ON. Sometimes you need to slow things down a bit and tell people what’s going on. If you’re flipping through the channels and see something flashy like wrestling, you’re likely to stop but if you have no idea what’s going on, you’re not likely to stay. Gorilla Monsoon was a master at doing this.

Team HHH isn’t worried about being down 5-4 coming into the match (Matt was hurt remember) but Kane says he isn’t an underdog. We recap the Katie Vick angle (HHH: “Uh…..yeah sorry about that.) and Jeff reminds HHH that he put him in the hospital. HHH is sorry about that too and says tonight they can unite in the idea of doing something terrible to someone else.

Team HHH vs. Team Umaga

HHH, Kane, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio

Umaga, Mr. Kennedy, MVP, Finlay, Big Daddy V

Kennedy’s mic doesn’t work for the live intro at first so we can only hear the ending. Jeff is IC Champion and MVP is US Champion. Remember that we’re starting at 5-4 because Matt is gone. Rey and Kennedy get things going with Kennedy using a rare power advantage to take over. Kennedy pounds in the corner but gets caught in a sunset bomb before it’s off to Jeff for a BIG pop. Rey and Jeff combine for some Poetry in Motion and Kennedy is in trouble.

Scratch that trouble as Jeff runs into an elbow (JBL: “That’ll knock the purple out of your hair!”) and it’s off to MVP. MVP limps a bit which apparently is a fake injury or something. Or maybe he’s making fun of Matt Hardy. I never cared for MVP so I really don’t care. Off to the 550lb Big Daddy V who uses his big fat man offense on Jeff, before stupidly throwing Jeff to the corner for a tag to Kane.

V almost immediately belly to belly suplexes Kane down for two but Kane comes back with some clotheslines in the corner. A top rope clothesline puts V down again but Kane has to chokeslam Finlay. V hits a Samoan Drop and a big elbow on Kane for the upset (yeah it’s an upset) elimination. HHH comes in and hits the facebuster on the monster but gets caught by a clothesline to shift the momentum right back.

We get the match that everyone is looking forward to in HHH vs. Umaga and the fans don’t react at all. Umaga takes the Game down with a belly to belly of his own and a headbutt has HHH in trouble. Umaga misses a middle rope headbutt and there’s the hot tag to Rey. Rey pounds away but almost immediately gets knocked down by the other monster. Mysterio goes after the leg but a rana is just a bad idea. Actually it is as he swings Umaga into the 619, followed by a springboard seated senton for two. Umaga is like BIG SAMOAN SCREAM and hits a spinning release Rock Bottom and the Spike to eliminate Rey.

So it’s all five villains vs. Jeff and HHH, and it’s not that the two superheroes are likely to run through all five and win or anything like that of course. Jeff vs. Kennedy starts things off and Hardy is in trouble quickly. I don’t think Jeff really gets going until he looks like he’s been thrown out of a building though. Jeff comes back with a dropkick but the slingshot dropkick in the corner misses due to an MVP assist. Cole talks about how that’s the second time MVP has caused that move to miss in three days. JBL: “Maybe MVP is just smarter than the Hardys.” I love it when JBL cuts Cole off at the knees. No one does it better.

Off to MVP who hooks a chinlock on Jeff which goes on for awhile. Jeff fights up but gets gets caught in a fireman’s carry drop. MVP starts talking trash to the fans and walks into a Twist of Fate to make it 4-2. Kennedy is in next and walks into an enziguri, which allows for the tag off to HHH. A high knee sets up a clothesline for two for HHH followed by a spinebsuter. HHH sees the human whale known as Big Daddy V coming and avoids an elbow which crushes Kennedy and allows HHH to make it 3-2.

V gets both superheroes on the floor and crushes Hardy against the post which probably put Jeff on the harder stuff for a few days. What the harder stuff for Jeff is I’m not sure but it has to be illegal. Back in the ring HHH and Hardy avoid a charge in the corner and hit a double DDT on V for the elimination. I’ve always wondered how basic moves when a monster is fresh is enough to eliminate them. These guys have no stamina at all.

It’s HHH/Jeff vs. Finlay/Umaga if you’re keeping track. Finaly comes in and pounds away on HHH while JBL talks about how great Finlay is. Does anyone ever have a bad thing to say about this guy? Here’s something bad to say about him: he does the stupidest looking spot in wrestling where he goes the middle rope and jumps into a boot in a move that is only designed for him to jump into a boot.

Hot tag brings in Jeff for a hard (and appropriate) Irish whip into the corner and the slingshot dropkick for two. Jeff goes to the apron and is immediately drilled by Umaga to give the evil foreigners control again. Finlay whips Jeff into the corner but gets caught by a Whisper in the Wind. A mule kick staggers Umaga and there’s the hot tag to HHH to meet Finlay. The high knee puts Finlay down and there’s a spinebuster to follow it up.

The Pedigree is loaded up but Umaga kicks HHH’s head off (there must be a great surgeon in WWE for all the times that happens) to break it up. The Celtic Cross (White Noise. It’s an Irish thing) is escaped and there’s the Pedigree to make it 2-1. Umaga DESTROYS HHH in the corner but the running attack misses by a mile. Pedigree, Swanton, we’re done.

Rating: B-. The match was pretty fun stuff but once we got down to 5-2, it was a matter of guessing what order the five were going out in rather than who was going to win. That being said, it’s probably the right move as HHH would move on from Umaga after this and take to feud with Orton. That feud would follow Hardy vs. Orton at the Rumble, so this was definitely a launching pad for the two survivors back to the main event.

Buy Smackdown vs. Raw! For some reason when they do the HIAC on the game as you would expect them to, Batista has a Smackdown tag title, a title he hadn’t held in almost two years, instead of the world title he currently held.

Shaquille O’Neal is here.

Hornswoggle is still nervous in the back. Tonight’s match is another of those tough love things from Vince. Speaking of the boss, he comes in and Hornswoggle immediately hugs his leg. This is one of those things that I think WWE missed about Horny: he acts like a child. HE HAS A FULL BEARD! THE GUY IS IN HIS TWENTIES! HORNSWOGGLE IS NOT A CHIL……why am I annoyed by this? It’s Horswoggle. Vince says he made this match because Horny is a McMahon and therefore has to rise to the occasion. He compares this to his battles with Turner and the US government. Vince gives him a pep talk and Horny is ready.

Here’s Shane McMahon to the arena, rocking a suit. Shane introduces Vince and apparently they’ll be in the corner of Horny tonight. Well that’s nice of them. JBL says this is going to be Biblical. Cole: “This isn’t the Bible.” Vince isn’t in his headset either. That’s the natural reaction that Cole has. Why does he get to keep his job for so long?

Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali

Runjin Singh, Khali’s manager, says we should have the wrestlers get together for the reading of the rules. This results in Singh talking over the referee as he translates. The fans want Shaq but they get the bell instead. The fans realize Shaq is here and Vince tells him to sit down. Vince tells the fans he doesn’t care what they want. Now there’s a shoot if there’s ever been one. Horny takes off his jacket and hat and kicks Singh in the face. Horny kicks at the legs of Khali…and wisely runs away. Singh runs his mouth some more and gets GREEN MIST IN THE FACE!

Horny dives on Singh and pounds away before hiding from Khali under the ring. The small guy finds that Irish club and calls Khali in but the stick is of course caught. Khali kicks him down but before the Vice Grip can go on, Finlay runs in for the save and face turn. This ran over three minutes but it doesn’t deserve to be rated. At least this did serve a purpose though, so it’s not a total failure. It should have been on Raw though.

Finlay beats up Singh and Khali with the club. It would eventually be revealed that Finlay was Horny’s father, but I’m not quite sure why Vince agreed to the whole thing in storyline.

Watch this DVD about Taker being 15-0! I guarantee you it won’t be out of date in about six months or so!

Alfonso Soriano, a baseball player, is here.

We recap Shawn vs. Orton. Shawn had the title won in a previous match but Orton intentionally got himself disqualified and then Punted Shawn to the shelf for a few months. Shawn admitted he wanted revenge but Vince banned the superkick for no apparent reason other than being evil.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending, if Orton gets DQ’ed the title changes, Shawn can get no more shots if he loses, and if Shawn attempts to use the Superkick, he loses the match. Got all that? Shawn almost immediately goes to the cravate and Orton spends nearly two minutes trying to fight out of it. Now that’s a (European) headlock. Orton escapes in the corner and Shawn raises his leg for the kick but the referee says that wasn’t an attempt. It’s going to be one of those referees I guess.

Orton drops down as Shawn runs the ropes so Shawn gets on Randy’s back and chokes away. The hold switches to a front facelock as they’re spending a lot of time in holds so far. Randy finally gets to the floor where Shawn fakes diving over the top so he can dropkick him through the ropes before faking ANOTHER dive and hitting an Asai Moonsault in a good sequence. Back in and Orton rolls through a crossbody for two before hitting an uppercut to take over.

Shawn fights up and throws on the required Sharpshooter and Orton finally makes the rope. I know when holds go on I’m not very descriptive, but what is there to say? You know what the hold looks like and it’s really hard to convey the drama of someone crawling to the ropes. Orton comes back with a thumb to the eye and snaps Shawn across the top rope to take over. The Elevated DDT hits for two. I didn’t remember Randy doing that move back then.

It’s off to a chinlock by Orton as the hold marathon continues. It’s not boring or bad but it’s a very different way of going about a match. Shawn fights back but walks into a dropkick for two. Shawn catches another dropkick in mid air and slams Randy down a few times before hitting the top rope elbow for two. By instinct, Shawn tunes up the band but he fakes Orton out by making him duck and grabs a rollup for two. Brilliant psychology there.

In a move I was shocked to see at the time, Shawn puts on a Crossface. Remember that this is just five months after Benoit, so that’s not a move you would have expected to see here. Orton finally gets a leg over the rope and Shawn looks spent from that not working. He tries the hold again but Randy clotheslines his head off for two. Orton hits the backbreaker and loads up the same Punt which kept Shawn out for five months.

Randy gets a running start but Shawn grabs an ankle lock with a grapevine to make Orton scream. Orton uses the good leg to kick Shawn away and break the hold. Why don’t more people do that to angle? Michaels tries the Figure Four but Orton kicks him into the post. Shawn pulls up the foot for the kick but since he has to stop, Orton hits the RKO for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: B. I was digging the psychology here as Shawn had to come up with all kinds of ways to beat Orton instead of the RKO. It says a lot about Shawn that the only way they could have Orton be able to hang in a fight with him was to take away Shawn’s big move. Orton would hold the title for another five months or so until HHH (of course) took it away from him.

Orton demands that Shawn say Orton is the future but Shawn is pretty out of it. There’s the superkick we were waiting on.

Cole is talking about the main event and SAVE US. For those of you unfamiliar, this was a series of videos that popped up at random on shows with what looked like the Matrix announcing that someone was coming to SAVE US. It would be revealed tomorrow night that it was the return of Chris Jericho.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Batista vs. Undertaker. Batista lost the belt to Undertaker at Wrestlemania and they feuded for the title on a few PPVs. After a cage match on Smackdown, Edge cashed in the MITB contract and won the title from Undertaker. Later, Edge was hurt and had to vacate the belt, which was won by Khali. Batista eventually beat Khali for the belt and Taker came back to challenge him for it.

They fought at Cyber Sunday with Batista winning, which made them 1-1 with a few draws. Taker wanted one more match and Batista was perfectly cool with that, but Taker wanted it in the Cell. See how that worked? It was a natural progression with the Cell being the FINAL match between them (one on one at least). That’s a logical progression that you rarely get anymore. This was an excellent feud which won Feud of the Year from Meltzer. I can’t argue with that at all as it was great.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Big Dave is defending. Taker charges to start and is caught in a headlock before getting run over by Big Dave. Taker shrugs it off and tries an early chokeslam but Batista fights out of it. This is one of those feuds where you don’t bother with the basic stuff and go with the big power moves because that’s all that’s going to have any effect. Taker clotheslines him down and pounds away in the corner. We’re still in the early going here so this doesn’t mean a lot yet.

The Snake Eyes and Big Boot get two for Taker and it’s chair time. Batista hits a BIG spear to take Undertaker down and gets the chair. That goes badly for the champ as Taker kicks the chair back into his face and gets two off a clothesline. They head outside and Taker keeps control with a solid shot into the steps. Batista gets raked against the Cell and there’s the legdrop on the apron.

To stay on the throat, Taker puts the chair over Batista’s throat and slams the bottom of the chair into the steps. The champ is bleeding from the mouth now. Back in and Taker covers by driving a forearm into the throat. Taker is kind of the heel in this match I think, which says A LOT about how over Batista was here. Back in Taker loads up Old School but Batista catches him in the spinebuster in a cool counter.

They slug it out and Batista takes over with a clothesline that gets two. Batista hits a powerslam and takes it back to the floor. They’ve done a solid job here of having both guys dominate for a long stretch which usually works well for a big time match. Taker whips Batista into the Cell to take over again so maybe what I just said is nonsense. Batista gets rammed head first into the Cell and things are starting to pick up.

A chair shot keeps Batista down and the champ is cut open on the forehead. Batista blocks Old School again and hits a superplex to put both guys down. As Big Dave is crawling over to Taker, the Dead Man tries the Hell’s Gate (triangle choke) but it’s not on full. Batista makes the rope and heads to the floor for a breather. Has Batista never watched a big time Taker match? He deserves the Taker Dive that he gets.

Taker picks up the steps and tries to ram Batista with them, but Batista pulls himself up using the cage and kicks them back into Taker’s face. Batista picks up the steps and just rams Taker in the head with them four or five times, busting the Dead Man open. Back in and Batista does the stupid thing of punching Taker in the corner and gets a Last Ride for his efforts. That only gets two and the pop isn’t huge from the crowd. They know we’re getting A LOT of finishers before a pin here.

There’s a chokeslam but it only gets two. The Tombstone is countered into a spinebuster for two and there’s another spinebuster for good measure. It’s table time and Batista easily powerbombs him through it….for two. There’s the pop from the crowd on the kickout that we were looking for. Now the Animal loads up the steps but Taker backdrops him onto said steps for two. The Tombstone hits….for two. If my memory is right, Batista and Shawn are the only two people to take all three of Taker’s finishers and kick out of all three. Batista might have done it more than once but I’m not sure.

Taker KILLS Batista with a Tombstone on the steps but at two, someone pulls the referee out of the ring. It’s the returning Edge, who I presume was hiding under the ring. He steals a camera and clocks Taker with it before hitting a Conchairto on the steps. Batista has no idea this is going on after the Tombstone. Edge pulls the champ on top and the pin is pretty much academic.

Rating: B+. This was very good but it never quite got to that level that they were hoping for it to I don’t think. The problem is this was match was based on respect instead of hatred which takes a lot out of a match like this. Edge would win the title in a triple threat next month and eventually lose it to Taker at Wrestlemania.

After the Cell is raised, Edge beats on Taker some more to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a nice surprise. The tag title match is some uninspired stuff but other than that (ignoring the non-match between Khali and Horny) there’s nothing bad on here at all. The Divas match is what it is and if the worst thing I have to do is look at Kelly Kelly and Maria in barely there shorts for five minutes, I’ve got a good show on my hands. The big matches delivered and the other matches aren’t bad so this is a solid show all around and worth checking out.

Ratings Comparison

CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz

Original: B-

Redo: C

Mickie James/Maria/Torrie Wilson/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Layla

Original: D

Redo: D

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes

Original: D

Redo: C-

Team HHH vs. Team Umaga

Original: C-

Redo: B-

Great Khali vs. Hornswoggle

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: D+

Redo: B

Batista vs. Undertaker

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B

The main thing I’ve learned about myself from these redos is that I was a lot looser with my grades back then. The redo grades here are a lot more toned down and it’s a bit harder to please me now.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/16/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2007-batista-vs-undertaker-in-the-cell/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Survivor Series 2006
Date: November 26, 2006
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 15,400
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

After last year’s solid edition, the main event this year is Booker T vs. Batista. Think about that match for a minute and it just sounds like something that’s going to be dull. This is also a Last Chance match, meaning that if Batista doesn’t win the title here, he gets NO MORE CHANCES at Booker. If that’s not a sign as to what’s coming, you’re beyond my help. The other match that people remember here is Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO. Let’s get to it.

This is the 20^th show so we talk about tradition and all that jazz. Then it turns into a regular video about a PPV, but a good one.

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Ric Flair, Sgt. Slaughter, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes

Kenny, Johnny, Nicky, Mikey

Slaughter is replacing a cancer ridden Roddy Piper. Actually he got very lucky as he got a concussion because of a Conchairto from Edge, and on the tests the cancer was found. Arn Anderson is here with the Legends and we get the awesome Horsemen music. The only member of the Squad still around is Nicky, more famous as Dolph Ziggler. Mikey is Mike Mondo in ROH at the moment.

Simmons and Mikey start things off and guess who wins the slugout. Simmons beats up all of them but Mitch, the fifth member of the squad not in the match, interferes and gets Ron on the floor. Mitch’s distraction leads to Simmons getting counted out. Mitch gets ejected but Simmons beats him up first. Anderson gets ejected as well for no apparent reason. The Philly fans are TICKED. Nicky comes in to face Sarge and he mocks the salute. Fan: “PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!”

Sarge beats him up with ease and it’s off to Dusty for some gyrating and elbows to the arm. It’s off to Flair and you know the Philly fans are all for that one. A chop later and it’s right back to Slaughter who hooks the Cobra Clutch, but Dusty and Kenny come in to fight, allowing Johnny to kick Sarge in the head to give Nicky a pin. Off to Dusty who hits the bionic elbow for the immediate elimination of Nicky, making it 3-2. Dusty gets caught in the corner but he gyrates it off.

The Flip Flop and Fly takes Kenny down but another elbow misses, giving Kenny a rollup (with jeans) pin. It’s Kenny/Johnny/Mikey vs. Flair now with Mikey starting first. Flair chops him into the corner but Mikey starts punching away. Ric hits a quick atomic drop and gets a rollup with feet on the ropes (now THAT is vintage Flair) for the elimination. Kenny gets in some shots but ducks his head and gets cradled for the pin, leaving Flair vs. Johnny. Less than a minute later it’s a Figure Four to give Flair the win.

Rating: C-. This was exactly what it was expected to be and that’s all it should have been. The legends were there to have a feel good nostalgia moment and get eliminated so Flair, the only one who had been active in the last three years or so, could knock out all of the Squad and give the fans a feel good moment. Also it’s only about ten minutes long so it’s not like this was anything major. It’s not a good technical match, but if that’s what you’re expecting here, you missed the point entirely. Besides, the Squad was gone literally the next night.

Post match the Squad beats down Flair and the Legends….are nowhere in sight. Kind of a downer.

We recap Benoit vs. Chavo. Benoit came back from an injury and won the US Title but Vickie and Chavo, his former friends, wanted nothing to do with him. Chavo and Vickie didn’t like Rey making his name off Eddie’s legacy, which is true but I don’t blame Rey for it. Chavo injured Rey’s knee (Mysterio needed time off for surgery) but when Benoit tried to make the save, the Guerreros weren’t happy. I’ve heard of worse reasons for a title match. There was some nonsense about Eddie’s estate that I don’t remember going anywhere. That would be one of those worse reasons.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Benoit, the champion, pounds away to start and hits a quick backbreaker for one. Some knees to the ribs set up a snap suplex for another two. Chavo comes back with a bunch of forearms and stomps in the corner, only to get caught in the Crossface. Vickie makes the save by putting Chavo’s boot on the face. JBL: “You don’t know what she shaves Chavo.” Chavo hits a pair of suplexes for two and it’s off to a chinlock.

Benoit comes out of it with a Samoan Drop of all things but gets dropkicked right back down for two. Another suplex is countered and Benoit rolls some Germans to set up the Swan Dive. Vickie grabs Benoit’s foot and the distraction makes the Swan Dive miss, sending his head crashing into the mat again. Chavo suplexes him down (again) but the Frog Splash only gets two. Benoit loads up the Sharpshooter but gets kicked off into Vickie who is on the apron. There’s the Crossface and Chavo taps out.

Rating: D+. That’s likely a bit low but this was a dull match. Chavo came off as more of an annoyance than a challenge here and that never makes for an entertaining match. I still shudder whenever I see Benoit take a head shot like he did off the Swan Dive as I always wonder which shot was the point of no return for him.

Watch the Extreme Elimination Chamber at December to Dismember! NEXT SUNDAY!!!

Lita says that she’s done after tonight’s match (that’s actually true) and she’s glad it’s in front of these horrible fans in Philadelphia. Edge makes some Donovan McNabb jokes and says his team is going to take out Team DX. After he leaves, Cryme Tyme leaves Lita’s locker room with a box of her stuff.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Mickie James

Lita is defending. I miss Mickie with those skirts that keep flying up. Lita slaps Mickie in the face to start, causing Mickie to choke away in the corner. The champ comes back by literally throwing Mickie around which is a bit less than what you would expect from someone as talented as Lita. Mickie goes up and gets slammed off the top as this is one sided so far.

A quick snap suplex gets two for Lita as this continues to be slow. I can’t at all complain about the upskirt shots of Mickie though. Off to a sleeper by Lita which is the last thing this match needed. Mickie gets in the ropes and avoids a charge in the corner. She goes up and is immediately suplexed down for two. Now the fans think Lita has herpes.

Mickie hits a SWEET spinning kick to take Lita’s head off followed by a fisherman’s suplex for two (and a GREAT crotch shot of Mickie). Moonsault gets two for Lita but the Edgecution is countered, giving Mickie two. They trade rollups and Mickie hits the jumping DDT to retire Lita and win the title.

Rating: D. Most of that is for getting great views of Mickie and Lita’s rocking cleavage. Other than that, this was some pretty uninspired stuff. Lita left when she should have as she had nothing left to accomplish and no one like Trish to work with. Pretty terrible match here but it passed the torch to Mickie who was indeed the future of the division.

Lita asks for a microphone and makes Lillian tell the crowd to cheer for her. She doesn’t like being booed and is glad to get to leave in front of Philly because its fans suck. Here’s Cryme Tyme with a box of Lita’s stuff they stole earlier. They’re having a HO Sale and it’s cash only. The first item sold: Lita’s yeast infection medicine for one dollar.

Cryme Tyme realizes JBL is at the announce table and offer the goods to him. He says he’s the only person in America who doesn’t have some of Lita’s panties so he gives them $100. The next item: Lita’s vibrator. Dang she’s bored in the locker room. That goes for 25 bucks and there’s only one thing left. It’s cheap, it’s wide, you can put your head in it: it’s Lita’s box. That goes for I think 20 bucks to end a hilarious segment.

Batista has nothing to say about the title match tonight. Booker attacked Batista at the contract signing and hit him in the throat with a scepter. After seeing a clip of it, Batista says he’s leaving tonight with the title.

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

Shawn Michaels, HHH, Hardy Boys, CM Punk

Edge, Randy Orton, Johnny Nitro, Mike Knox, Gregory Helms

This is Punk’s first major match and Jeff is IC Champion. DX plays to the crowd for a LONG time before the heel entrances. The fans of course LOVE Punk, so he gets to ask if the fans are ready. I believe Helms, the current Cruiserweight Champion, is feuding with Matt Hardy at this point. Knox has some chick named Kelly Kelly with him and at the moment, she’s an exhibitionist. Rated-RKO are the Raw Champions too so most of the gold in the company is in this match.

HHH asks Kelly to flash him and has Shawn cover his eyes. Knox comes in to stop it, Shawn kicks him in the face to eliminate him. Shawn to HHH: “Who was that guy?” Points for a funny bit if nothing else. Nitro comes in to speed things up but Shawn slides to the floor and puts his arm around Melina. We’ve got a comedy match here. Off to Jeff who works on the arm of Nitro. Apparently these two have been feuding a bit too lately.

Off to Matt so the Hardys can hit some nice double team stuff. Nitro finally gets in a shot to the face and it’s off to Helms. Matt is slammed off the top and it’s off to Edge to stomp on Matt. Well that’s appropriate. Back to Helms for a suplex and it’s immediately off to Orton. After some very basic stuff, here’s Nitro again so Melina can SCREECH. Matt hooks the Side Effect and there’s the tag to Punk. Punk immediately starts his strikes and hits the knee/bulldog in the corner.

Nitro blocks the Rock Bottom but the second attempt (with an assist from Matt) sets up the Vice for the tap out. Edge comes in to face Punk and you can feel the internet’s orgasm coming (pun intended). Punk pounds on him in the corner but Orton guillotines Punk on the top rope to give the heels their first advantage. Randy comes in and hits a dropkick for two before it’s back to Helms. After some knees to the face, Helms hits a one knee Codebreaker to put Punk down.

Back to Orton for a slugout with Punk, resulting in the RKO taking Punk down. Why Randy can’t cover immediately isn’t quite clear but Shawn makes the save anyway. Edge gets the tag but spears the buckle. JR: “That middle turnbuckle isn’t in the match!” Hot tag brings in HHH to face Helms and the beating is on fast. A facebuster puts Helms down but the Edge-O-Matic breaks up the Pedigree. Everything breaks down and Jeff and Shawn dive on Rated-RKO.

Matt comes in with the Twist on Helms followed by a Swanton to make it 5-2. The heels take their belts and walk but the Hardys will have none of that. Team DX take turns beating up both members and it’s Sweet Chin Music to eliminate Edge. So it’s Orton vs. five guys now and Randy tries to run, but the Hardys and Punk stop him. Back in and it’s Chin Music and the Pedigree to complete the sweep.

Rating: C-. This was entertaining but when you consider the captains were in a pretty big feud, this is kind of a questionable ending. The guy that gets the big rub here is Punk, as he goes from a guy on the C show to rubbing elbows with two of the biggest stars ever and one of the best tag teams ever. Fun match here but it didn’t really accomplish much.

We recap Kennedy vs. Undertaker. Basically Kennedy wants to break the legend of Taker, or about the same thing as about half the feuds Taker has had in years. It’s a first blood tonight because Kennedy busted Taker open on Smackdown recently. Kennedy got a blood bath from Taker’s magic powers.

Kennedy isn’t worried but MVP comes up and notices the vasoline on Kennedy’s forehead. Apparently these two are friends.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

I keep typing Anderson instead of Kennedy. Kennedy immediately drops to the floor to try to get an early advantage, but as soon as they get back in Taker punches him down. We head back to the floor and Kennedy gets punched over the announce table with Taker in total control. We head to the crowd and Taker hits a pair of headbutts. Back to ringside and Kennedy gets in his first big move by sending Taker into the steps.

Kennedy tries to dive off the apron but gets caught and rammed into the post. This has been almost all Taker so far. We head back in and Taker busts out a freaking superplex to put Kennedy down. The offense looks good but don’t you need to go for the head? I don’t know if internal bleeding counts but it’s the best I can come up with. Kennedy hits Taker low but Taker immediately comes back with a kick to the face.

A buckle was taken off somewhere in there by Kennedy but Taker sends him into it twice in a row. Kennedy kicks Taker low again and Kennedy is bleeding from the mouth. He rolls to the floor before the referee can see it and here’s MVP with a towel to clean up the blood. They start to walk away, but MVP throws Kennedy back in the ring which is payback for Kennedy doing the same thing to MVP on Smackdown.

Taker pounds away in the corner but Kennedy drops him face first on the exposed buckle. Kennedy starts pounding away but MVP brings in a chair to hit….someone, but it winds up hitting Taker and busts him open to give Kennedy the upset win. The fans boo that out of the building because Taker is such a legend at this point.

Rating: C. This was a decent brawl but the ending, which was to advance Taker/Kane vs. MVP/Kennedy, kind of sucks. The feud just never worked because at the end of the day, it’s two guys who are career midcarders at this point against two former world champions who can beat up anyone. Kennedy never got to the point where they wanted him to be due to various reasons, but this is the fifth former world champion he had beaten.

Kennedy beats up Taker post match but Taker snaps up and pounds him down as well. Taker WHACKS him with the chair to get a gasp from the crowd. JBL LOSES IT as Kennedy gets beaten up even more and tombstoned.

Buy Piper’s DVD! No really, that one is worth checking out. Stay FAR away from his book though. It’s HORRIBLE.

Sharmell tells Booker to be excited because tonight is Batista’s last chance.

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

John Cena, Kane, Bobby Lashley, Sabu, Rob Van Dam

Big Show, Test, MVP, Finlay, Umaga

Let’s see. It’s Philadelphia and we’ve got Sabu and RVD on one team. Who do you think the fans are going to be cheering for? Cena is Raw World Champion and Big Show is ECW Champion. Umaga is still undefeated and a monster. Naturally Cena is booed out of the building. Cena and Umaga start things off with Cena knocking Umaga to the floor. Everything breaks down and Umaga gets a monitor to knock out RVD for a DQ. Umaga also destroys the rest of Team Cena because that’s what savages do.

We finally get down to Finlay vs. RVD but it’s quickly off to Test for some bland big man power stuff. Back to Irish dude for some stomping and then to really mix things up, MVP comes in and stomps as well. Van Dam is bleeding from the mouth as MVP puts on a chinlock. Rob comes back with a cradle for two and a spin kick to take MVP down. Van Dam kicks all of the heels including a LOUD one to Finlay. Test tries to ram RVD into the post but since he’s big and dumb, Test’s head goes into it instead. Kane chokeslams MVP and the Five Star gets the pin for Rob.

While Van Dam is getting up, Test immediately comes in and kicks his head off to make it 4-3. Test gets sent to the floor and Lashley spears him down, followed by a tornado DDT from Sabu back inside for the pin. Show immediately chokeslams Sabu to make it 3-2 and it’s time for the giants to fight. Oh joy indeed. They both grabs chokeslam grips but here’s Hornswoggle (the Little Bastard at the moment) for a distraction. Finlay clocks Kane with that club that I can’t spell so Show can pin Kane after a chokeslam. Starting with MVP’s pin, those five eliminations all came within less than two minutes. I didn’t skip anything in there.

To recap, it’s Show/Finlay vs. Cena/Lashley. Cena comes in to face the monster but is immediately taken down. Off to Finlay for a clothesline and some good old fashioned cheating. Show sends Cena flying off a headbutt and it’s back to the heel corner. After more of a beating, Cena fights them both off and makes the hot tag to Lashley. Powerslam is escaped but a spear puts Finlay down for two.

A double clothesline from Show puts Cena and Lashley down and here’s Horny again. Cena loads him up in the FU and in the distraction, Lashley spears Finlay down to make it 2-1. Both good guys take their turns on Show including stuff like double DDTs and double suplexes. JR calls Cena cock strong and I don’t want to know what that one means. Lashley breaks up the chokeslam with a spear and the FU gets the final pin.

Rating: D. As I was writing that, it felt like I was just saying what was happening and nothing special was going on. The reason it felt like nothing was going on was because nothing was going on. This match was as paint by numbers as you could ever ask for and that makes for a VERY dull match. Cena hitting the FU on Show is always worth seeing, but this didn’t work at all.

JR says that Lashley is debuting at Survivor Series tonight which is flat out wrong. To be a bit fair though, JR wasn’t on commentary for that match last year.

The Extreme Elimination Chamber is coming.

We recap Booker T vs. Batista. Booker won the King of the Ring and became a king with a bad British accent before winning the title off Rey Mysterio. He kept cheating to beat Batista and tonight is Big Dave’s last shot at the title unless he wins. Batista never lost the title in the first place and had to drop it due to injury, so tonight is his last chance to regain what he thinks is still his.

Before the match, Teddy comes out and says that if Booker gets counted out or DQ’ed, he loses the title.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Booker T

Booker is defending in case you’re really stupid. Batista jumps him in the aisle and the referee says you have to get it in the ring. Why? Batista can win the title via countout, so no he doesn’t need to get it in the ring. Booker fires off some chops in the corner and is immediately punched in the face for his efforts. A suplex puts Booker down but he escapes an early Batista Bomb attempt.

After Booker gets back in, Batista hits a clothesline for two. This isn’t really working so far. Booker finally comes back with a hot shot to take over before slingshotting Batista’s throat into the bottom rope. Batista comes back with some right hands but Booker pokes him in the eye. We’re about five minutes into this and it’s not clicking at all. Big Dave comes out of nowhere with a side slam for two followed by a Jackhammer. Why has no one made that a finisher since Goldberg? It’s a good power move but no one uses it really. That’s very odd.

A Boss Man Slam gets two for Batista and they head to the apron to slug it out. Cole brings up a good question: what happens if there’s a double countout or double DQ? Presumably it would be a draw and Booker keeps the title? Right? A Sharmell distraction lets Booker take over as JBL goes on a tirade about Teddy Long being racist. Side kick puts Batista down for two. We hit a chinlock to fill in some time which is probably the last thing they should do right now. Batista comes back with some right hands and a belly to belly suplex for two.

Batista cranks things up and knocks Booker to the floor before sending him into the steps. Back in and a top rope shoulder gets two. The spinebuster gets the same but Booker grabs the Bookend for two. Batista comes back with the Batista Bomb but the champ grabs the rope. Sharmell gives Booker the title, Batista takes it from him and clocks Booker with it, new champion. Yep that’s really how this ends. Not with a Batista Bomb, but with Batista cheating.

Rating: D-. A horrible match to end a horrible show is always appropriate. Batista getting the title back was probably the right move as he was insanely over and hadn’t been champion since January. This match didn’t work at all though and it was the last time Booker would be near the world title, which is probably a good thing if he’s as bad as he looked here.

Overall Rating: D-. When the second best match of your show is a group of guys in their late fifties or early sixties beating up male cheerleaders for ten minutes, your show is in trouble. There’s NOTHING worth seeing here at all and this show sucked. The other odd thing here is where the time went.

This show runs about two hours and forty minutes and the longest match (main event) doesn’t break fourteen minutes. There’s no big segment on it either so I have no idea where the time went. Other than the main event nothing is awful but there’s nothing worth watching. Either way, this is an awful show and probably the worst since the 90s.

Ratings Comparison

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Original: B

Redo: D+

Mickie James vs. Lita

Original: B

Redo: D

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

Original: B

Redo: C-

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

Redo: C

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

Original: D+

Redo: D

Batista vs. Booker T

Original: D-

Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D-

WHAT WAS I THINKING ON THOSE EARLIER MATCHES???

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/15/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2006-who-thought-batista-vs-booker-was-a-good-idea/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

So there’s a report that says Batista may be back at the Rumble.  Now those of you that read my thoughts on things like this know that I always go with the theory of “I’ll believe it when I see it.”  I’m not saying the report is valid or not because I have no idea if it is or not. What I’m asking is would you want Batista back in WWE?  Let’s think about this:Batista is in his mid 40s and didn’t seem to be thrilled with being in the WWE all the time.  He’s had some issues with people backstage and can be kind of a diva at times.

On the other hand, the guy is a legit main eventer and could be put in the world title hunt immediately with no questions asked.  He’s got a great look, is insanely over with the fans, and was on a roll when he left.

Overall, I’d be for it as he’s still got some years left in him and he could put some people over on his way out.  There’s nothing wrong with that at all, especially with how weak the main event pool is at this point.

Thoughts?

Armageddon 2005
Date: December 18, 2005
Location: Dunkin Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

You know I was trying to think of some background to this show and it occurs to me that nothing really happened in 2005. There was One Night Stand and that’s about it. This is a Smackdown show with the main event being Taker vs. Orton inside the Cell. Other than that, there really isn’t much. Batista is world champion and a tag team champion with Rey but he’s in a non-title match. Weird. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Taker vs. Orton and how this is the beginning of the end for Orton.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Matt Hardy

This is one of the issues with watching these older shows: I don’t remember this feud at all. Apparently JBL interrupted an interview and Matt made fun of him for leaving a lot of tag partners, allegedly out of fear. Jillian Hall is with JBL and looks awesome in a white pantsuit. This was during the I WILL NOT DIE phase for Matt for which JBL bashes him for. The man could talk when he got on a roll and he does here.

Matt comes in through the crowd and the fight is on. He hammers on JBL on the floor and rams him into the apron a few times, but gets his head caught in the ropes as he comes back in which chokes him badly. JBL, ever the nice guy, kicks him in the head while he’s caught in the hold. Big clothesline on the floor puts Matt down again.

Back in the ring he drops a bunch of elbows on Matt and by a bunch I mean like 8 of them but doesn’t cover. And people wonder why he lost the belt. Matt grabs a DDT (called a swinging neckbreaker by the idiot known as Michael Cole) for a quick two. When Tazz has to correct you, it’s saying a lot. A shoulder block by JBL gives him the advantage again and pounds away even more.

He sets for a belly to back superplex but Matt knocks him off and gets a moonsault press for two. Thankfully Matt hit it or we would have had an earthquake in Rhode Island. Bradshaw gets the buckle cover off and whips Matt into it. The big clothesline ends it a few seconds afterwards.

Rating: C. Nothing special here and I have no idea why JBL who was world champion for most of the previous year is opening a very low level PPV against a career midcarder but like I said, it was a weird year. Just a semi-squash here that was pretty pointless overall, especially since it was only put on the card two days prior to this.

We get a clip of Melina screwing Batista to try to convince him to not kill MNM on Friday. Naturally Batista got done screwing her and killed them anyway, winning the tag titles in the process. Dang Melina needs the blonde highlights back.

The Mexicools will cancel their match with MNM tonight if Melina will screw them. She declines.

Clip of a past HIAC match, in this case Foley going for a little ride. Then another ride. That first one is one of those things where it still blows my mind that he even lived.

MNM vs. Mexicools

MNM is John Morrison (Nitro here) and Joey Mercury. The Mexicools are Super Crazy and Psicosis. See, they’re Mexicans and they ride lawnmowers. That’s their gimmick. Mercury vs. Psicosis to start us off. Off to Nitro who doesn’t do any better so it’s off to Mercury again. Ok make that Nitro. Yeah it’s Nitro. Not that I can’t tell them apart mind you. They’re just tagging in and out that much.

Psicosis misses a charge but gets a punch to Mercury’s stomach off the top. Spinwheel kick sends Mercury to the floor and here come the dives. Crazy uses the referee as a launching pad to dive onto MNM in a nice spot. Psicosis loads up the guillotine legdrop but Melina crotches him to shift momentum. Psicosis gets a sunset flip but a blind tag breaks up anything he’s about to get going.

Clothesline gets two for Mercury. Psicosis gets a nice headlock takeover/headscissors to take both guys down. No tag though as Mercury brings Nitro back in. Nitro takes Crazy out which is a smart move because when Psicosis breaks free for a tag attempt there’s no one to tag. Nitro grabs a Cravate and Psicosis still can’t make a tag. Mercury almost jumps into a boot in the stupidest spot ever but he catches himself which is a sigh of relief from me.

Psicosis gets an enziguri and it’s hot tag to Crazy. He sends MNM into each other and fires off some dropkicks for everyone. Tornado DDT gets two on Mercury. Nitro and Psicosis go to the floor and Crazy hits the moonsault after kicking Melina to the floor. Nitro makes a last second save. Crazy gets up and walks into the Snapshot (3D position but Mercury holds him there and Nitro hits a DDT) for the pin.

Rating: B. I know that’s probably high but I really liked this. The Mexicools were flying all over the place at times but it was never to the point where it was just high spots and nothing of actual significance. MNM was good too and Melina in that tiny skirt of hers helped too. Really fun tag match and I’d like to see them get a long match (this was about 9 minutes).

JBL is giving an interview to WWE.com.

Booker is asked about his fourth match in the best of seven series for the US Title. He’s up 3-0 at the moment but Sharmell doesn’t want him to talk about it. Booker says he’ll win and then Sharmell insults the hotter Krystal.

We recap Booker vs. Benoit. Booker turned heel to cheat and win the title and Benoit got a rematch, only for there to be a double pin. This results in a Best of Seven series like they did in WCW but that might have been a best of five. I don’t think it was though. Booker won the first three but only one clean.

US Title: Booker T vs. Chris Benoit

If Booker wins he’s champion but if Benoit wins the series continues. Technically this is a title match I guess. Sharmell has a broom with her for the sweep thing. Long feeling out process to start. Heel kick misses for Booker and here comes Benoit, sending Booker to the floor with a chop. They go to the mat and just guess who wins there. Crowd is totally behind Benoit.

Booker gets a hammerlock to take Benoit down but gets reversed into a Crossface attempt. Booker makes the rope though and clears his head on the floor. Back in a Sharpshooter doesn’t work so Benoit just works on the leg like only he can. Benoit knows what he’s doing to keep the crowd into it as he changes up the holds he’s using. That’s so helpful because it keeps things from getting dull.

Booker rakes the eyes to escape and hammers away in the corner. Benoit fires off some chops and snaps off a German for two. A knee sends Benoit to the floor and they chop it out until Benoit gets rammed into the post. Off to an abdominal stretch in the ring by Booker. Benoit escapes and a double clothesline gives both guys a rest. The Canadian hits a German on the American for two.

Benoit unleashes some awesome suplexes and we get Three Amigos, a month after Eddie passed away. That gets a nice reaction from the crowd as well as a two count. Time for Rolling Germans and he goes up for the Swan Dive but Sharmell’s interference stops it. They botch a move out of the corner but to be fair it was next to impossible. Booker was setting for a superplex but Benoit tried to jump over into a German suplex off the ropes. He slipped off but again, not exactly an easy spot.

Booker gets a missile dropkick for a long two and everyone is shocked. Crowd is into this one. Benoit chops away but walks into a superkick. Sharmell gets a low blow and the axe kick hits, but only for two. ERUPTION for that kickout. Bookend is countered into the Crossface in the middle of the ring but somehow Booker crawls to the rope. More rolling Germans and Booker is just done. Swan Dive hits but SOMEHOW Booker gets out. This is great stuff.

Booker tries a left hand for some reason but gets caught in a Crossface attempt. They hit the mat and the referee goes down. Benoit gets the Sharpshooter and Booker taps but there’s no referee. Sharmell hits him with the broom and Benoit doesn’t even blink. Booker gets up to try another Bookend but Benoit gets a DDT to counter and Booker taps to make it 3-1 in a great match.

Rating: A-. Just a great match here as Booker went all out to try to beat Benoit but the back against the wall aspect was enough for Benoit to survive. Booker was DONE at the end and looked like he fell out of a building. The only thing really holding this back was that it didn’t end the series. Booker would win the series but Orton would be a sub for him for the next two matches and would ultimately win the title for him in match 7.

MNM is on WWE.com.

Another Cell moment is Rikishi being thrown off.

Here’s Teddy with network executive Palmer Cannon. Teddy thanks the fans for helping Smackdown win at Survivor Series. That’s all he has to say but Cannon, the epitome of useless, brings out Santa Claus with his elf. And it’s Vito and Nunzio. Well at least Nunzio, who is handing out coal. Yep it’s Vito.

He runs down the crowd and says they’re tired of giving. Instead, they think they should get title shots for Christmas. And cue Boogeyman. After the slowest walk this side of Taker, he gets in the ring and “sings” a Christmas song about beating them up, which he then does. Why couldn’t we get more Booker vs. Benoit instead of this? He leaves Vito and a bunch of worms in the ring, which of course we have to keep zooming in on.

We get a clip from No Mercy where Orton channeled his inner 7ft bald dude and put Taker in a casket which he then lit on fire. Orton then got “haunted” by Taker. It’s as goofy as it sounds too. Of course we saw all of the images in Orton’s head because that’s how WWE rolls. This turns into a full recap video for Taker vs. Orton, which would be due to clear the ring I guess. Basically Orton realized he did too much so he tried to get out of the match by retiring but Randy’s dad got involved and that was enough for Randy I guess to keep going.

The Ortons say they’re not worried because Randy is the master of mind games.

William Regal/Paul Burchill vs. Bobby Lashley

They have to tag. No real story here other than Lashley needs villagers to eat. He’s beaten both of them in one on one matches so this is the next challenge. Burchill starts and that doesn’t go well at all. Bobby pulls Regal in also and beats them both up with ease. Regal gets a kick in and cheats a bit on the floor. Just a bit though so don’t judge him. The British dudes use their technical stuff as we’re just waiting on Lashley to take over. Top rope knee gets two for Burchill. Lashley wakes up and mauls them both, ending Burchill with a Dominator.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here that was there to give Lashley a chance to look awesome. Granted Burchill and Regal didn’t mean anything at this point but the beating looked good. Lashley wouldn’t ever become the superstar they were hoping for but nice try at least I guess. No idea why this was on PPV though. Easily could have gone on Smackdown.

We throw it to Josh Matthews at the FRIENDLY TAP! Oh no. Oh not this. The owner is former referee Tim White and he’s not happy. He keeps drinking and drinking until Josh talks about the last match White refereed which was inside the Cell with HHH vs. Jericho. We get a clip of said match where White got hurt, ending his refereeing career.

White is still drinking and won’t say anything. He finally says that the Cell ruined his life and everyone left him. He took his pain out on everyone he cared about. He mentions his medical problems and starts crying. Then he pulls out a rifle and staggers off camera where a gunshot is heard. This is exactly what it sounds like.

In January it was announced that he had somehow missed and shot himself in the foot. Less than three months after Eddie died, WWE had a series of videos up on WWE.com called Lunchtime Suicides. Every week, White would try to kill himself in a different way. He failed each time, ultimately shooting Josh Matthews, who was something of a host for these videos. I kid you not: this actually happened.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud vs. Kid Kash

Just Juventud now and he’s champion coming in here. Yes, they’re really just going on like nothing happened at all. Another pointless Cruiserweight match here with no real story. By no real one I mean Kash probably pinned him recently or something like that. All Juvy to start and he gets a standing rana for two. Fujiwara armbar goes on for a bit so Kash hits the floor. Juvy hits a plancha to keep up his advantage.

Kash manages to ram his shoulder into the post a few times to take over. Hammerlock slam gets two. Kash hammers away for a bit but misses a charge into the corner. Juvy can’t capitalize though and Kash keeps the advantage. Shoulderbreaker gets two. A springboard moonsault by Kash eats knees and here comes Juvy.

The champ chops away and uses really basic offense. Sunset flip doesn’t work for Kash and Juvy kicks him in the face for two. Loud END THIS MATCH chant starts up. You can tell that’s not a good sign. They go up to the top rope and Juvy hits a super rana but might have hurt his knee. Kash wants time out but gets caught by an enziguri for two. They trade some escapes and Juvy hits the Juvy Driver for two. 450 misses though and the Dead Level (brainbuster) gives Kash the title.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t exactly bad, but dude no one cared at all. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a crowd beg for a match to end like that. This is what you get when you have no story to speak of and use guys that are just there instead of having characters or stories or anything like that. Just not interesting at all, but it was fine from a technical standpoint.

Lashley is on the website now.

Ad for the Rumble, which was the really weird Roman theme. No idea why they went with that but then again Mania never made a lot of sense with its ad campaigns.

We recap Kane/Big Show vs. Mysterio/Batista. They’re each show’s respective tag champions and this is supposed to be some big epic clash. A lot of this stemmed from Survivor Series and the fallout from the whole brand split war. Batista is world heavyweight champion and more or less unstoppable. He and Mysterio won the titles two days before this. Naturally it’s a non title match.

Batista/Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show/Kane

Rey has 619 cut into his beard. Batista vs. Show to start us off. Show throws him around a bit so Big Dave fires off right hands. Something resembling a shoulder block takes Show down but he gets up and hits what could be called a superkick that was pretty awesome all things considered. Off to Kane who Batista can work with a bit better. Sidewalk slam puts the Animal down and Kane goes up. He channels his inner Flair though and gets slammed down.

Off to Rey who stomps away and this a standing moonsault for one. Kane no sells some kicks so Rey tries to hit and run. A middle rope axehandle staggers Kane and Rey gets a springboard dropkick to send him to the floor. Batista takes his head off with a clothesline and Rey loads up the 619, only for Show to make the save. He rams Rey’s back (somewhat injured coming in) into the post.

Back in the ring and Show chops away at Rey. That sound makes me cringe. Kane comes in and Rey is able to get some shots in to set up the sitout bulldog. Show knocks Batista off the apron though to break up the tag. Batista pops back in and everything breaks down. Big Dave takes down the monsters and hits a spinebuster on Kane. Show and Batista fight to the floor and Rey hits the 619, only for Kane to catch the West Coast Pop and chokeslam Rey into dust to end it.

Rating: C. That’s it? This could have been the main event of any given Raw or Smackdown and there was nothing interesting going on for the most part. It’s not bad or anything, but there’s no appeal hear at all. The lack of anything being on the line really hurts this because in short, this changes nothing. MNM would get the titles back by the end of the year, making this whole title reign pretty pointless.

Video on Tribute to the Troops or whatever they’re calling it this year, which is the next night.

Another Cell moment is Shawn’s destruction by Taker. Still the best one ever.

The Cell is lowered.

The Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

This is the final blowoff from the Mania match. Taker of course won there, Orton won at Summerslam and this is the rubber match. Orton has his papa and Taker’s urn with him. Orton tries to run to start and Taker tries to close in on him. Taker gets a shoulder block and Orton heads to the floor. We get a headlock inside the Cell. Orton gets a hip toss and dropkick but can’t keep Taker down.

Taker hammers away and we go to the floor. He tries to harpoon Orton into the Cell but Orton escapes and takes over back inside the ring. Taker is like boy no you didn’t and grabs him by the throat, throwing him into the corner. Taker hammers away as they have a ton of time so the slow start is fine. Orton’s ribs go into the post and Taker keeps up the attack on the floor, mainly working on the ribs and chest.

The Deadman finds a chair and cracks Orton over the head with it. Orton is busted so Taker keeps pounding him with the chair. Taker rakes his face across the cage as Cole makes the cheese grater comparison. Orton finds a chain somewhere but gets his head rammed into the steps before he can use it. It’s so weird to see Cole as a face. Taker gets the chain and chokes away at Orton who is back in the ring now.

This time Taker is able to get the harpoon thing, sending Orton’s face into the cage. He gets the steps but Orton fights back out of desperation. There’s blood on one of the posts. Orton tries to get the steps but Taker kicks them back into his face. Back into the ring and there’s a chair in there. Orton grabs an “RKO” across the top rope but it’s more like just clotheslining him onto it. Close enough though.

It sent Taker to the floor into the cage though and Orton finally takes over. This time the steps show works. Now Orton gets to rake Taker’s face into the cage in a nice bit of evilness from earlier. Taker is busted open now and Orton chokes away with the chain. Big chair shot puts Taker down for two. Taker gets up again though and hammers away on the floor, firing off headbutts.

I love that look Taker gets on his face when he’s losing blood and he’s staggering around. Taker gets a running charge and climbs up the steps, hitting more or less a flying hip attack into Orton against the cage. Back in the ring now and Taker walks the ropes, only to miss an elbow. He must be fired up tonight to bust out moves like that. Orton grabs a table and sends Taker to the floor via a boot. Bob grabs Taker’s hair through the cage to hold him in place next to the wall.

Taker is like oh no you didn’t and rams Bob into the cage via a small hole in it. Taker drills Randy as Bob is bleeding (BIG issue here as Bob has Hepatitis, which is a disease transmitted by blood). Orton gets something resembling a powerslam to ram Taker into the Cell. Apparently you can pin people on the floor now as Randy gets two. Back in the ring and Taker gets his jumping clothesline for two. Old School hits this time, followed by a Downward Spiral.

Taker is getting all ticked off now and hits the Snake Eyes/Big Boot combo. Leg drop gets two. Chokeslam gets two due to a foot on the ropes. Taker gets a running knee in the corner but misses a running boot. Orton hits a low blow with the chain. He sets up the table brought in earlier and hits a splash mostly through it. That gets two as the table is thrown to the floor.

Orton, ever the genius, goes up for ten punches in the corner. DOES NO ONE WATCH TAPE OF TAKER MATCHES??? He deserves the Last Ride but gets out of it and Taker punches the referee by mistake. RKO out of nowhere but there’s no referee. Another referee opens the door to count and Bob comes in to get on our nerves. There’s the Last Ride to Randy but Bob makes the save.

Taker beats up Bob and rams him into the cage. Taker loads up the Tombstone on Randy which is reversed into one by Orton. Seriously, the guy never learns. That gets two and Taker sits up and is MAD. Orton keeps knocking him down and Taker keeps sitting up. After a bunch of punches Taker can’t sit up. He’s playing possum though and grabs Randy by the throat. Bob comes in again with the urn but Taker gets it, clocks both Ortons with it and a pair of Tombstones ends this.

Rating: A-. Now this is what the Cell is supposed to be. They beat the tar out of each other and this felt like a war. Taker going all insane and beating everyone down at the end as Orton just couldn’t stop him was perfect and showed that Taker is just better, which is the point of the final match of a feud. Well done and you NEVER get a decisive ending to a feud like this anymore, or at most maybe once a year.

Taker climbs the Cell to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. Where in the world did this come from? With two great matches in the main event and Benoit vs. Booker plus a nice surprise in the tag match earlier in the show and the worst match being a three and a half minute squash, how can you really complain? I liked this and it worked rather well. Good show and worth checking out actually.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Summerslam 2008
Date: August 17, 2008
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 15,997
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker

Another year and here we are at the final Summerslam before this year’s installment. The main guys are still the main guys, except CM Punk is now the World Heavyweight Champion. The belts have switched again by the way. The real main event here is Batista vs. Cena but the match going on last is Taker vs. Edge in the Cell to finally blow off this feud.

They tried to make this show more of a dream card and I think to an extent it worked. HHH vs. Great Khali is the other title match and it’s gotten a lot of criticism, but I’ve always liked it. Since it’s been such a short time since this show, there’s only so much I can rant on here, but let’s get to it.

The theme of this show is the biggest blockbuster of the summer. This led to some creative ideas of various wrestlers in movie roles, with the best one being Jericho as Indiana Jones. The voiceover guy says there’s never been a box office bust. He never saw Summerslam 1995 did he? They play up Taker and Edge as the main event which is fine as it’s likely the bigger match. I’ll get to that later as it deserves a real tribute for one of the promos that was done about it.

Jeff Hardy vs. MVP

Jeff would be launched into the world title scene shortly after this, eventually getting the title in December. Needless to say, he’s ridiculously over. Ross says that Hardy gets a Michael Phelps like reaction. That’s just funny knowing what we know now about Phelps. MVP is still full heel here as he should be every time he’s in the ring. The set looks cool too as it looks like a movie marquee with the match that’s going on at the moment on it. I like that.

MVP is dominating this. Hardy has had next to no offense the entire match as it’s been all MVP since he hit a belly to belly suplex very early on which messed up Jeff’s neck and back. Since then, that’s all MVP has worked on. What a great concept. Someone hurts something and you go after it. Who would have thought of something like that?

There’s so much back and neck work here that it’s like I’m watching an Angle match. Hardy gets to the apron and tries a springboard move but MVP just punches him in the face. I freaking LOVE that. When all else fails, just hit him in the face.

MVP gets him down in the corner and sets up for the Drive By, but apparently his slapping the mat, posing and yelling allows Jeff to hear him coming and he avoids it. Jeff makes his comeback but as he’s going for the Bomb, Shelton runs out and Jeff dives on him. He misses the Swanton this time and MVP kicks him in the head for the pin. I don’t remember Jeff and Shelton doing anything.

Rating: B. This was a good match. The psychology was right there and MVP got the win which he needed far more than Hardy. Hardy just got beaten up in this match and he got beaten up badly, so that’s a perk. Either way, this was a good match with both guys looking solid. Why they never pulled the trigger on MVP I’m not sure.

Maria is an interviewer tonight I guess and is with Santino and Beth. This was when Santino was I guess at his peak and so of course the company decided to shove him down our throats. Beth looks ungodly hot here.

We have a poll about will Edge and Vickie divorce? Yes they would about 6 months later.

IC/Women’s Title: Mickie/Kofi vs. Beth/Santino

There’s a very simple concept here as Adamle was out of room on the card for both matches so he put them together and the winners leave with both titles. I love Kofi as the IC Champion. He was young, good, popular and in need of the push. What more can you ask for from the IC Champion? Mickie needs to wear white more often. The men can fight the women here. Beth beats up Mickie but she beats up Santino as spellcheck hates this match.

Kofi beats up the Italian so this is getting better all the time. Kofi is one of the few guys that can pull off the all yellow look. This is a lot of stalling until Kofi can kick it into high gear. Santino is pure comedy here, or at least an attempt at it. Mickie beats him up even more, but Beth catches Mickie with the Implant Buster or whatever it’s called to win it. Cole calls Beth he I think by mistake. Beth carries Santino out on her shoulders.

Rating: D. Not only was it boring but the booking was stupid. Oh yeah let’s take the belt off of a great choice in Kofi for the sake of comedy! Yeah the belt will be just fine. This was the beginning of the killing of the IC belt that it took Rey to save. I hated this, but Kofi and Mickie’s figure brings us back to a passing grade.

Buy the Hardy Boys DVD.

We hear about Shawn’s eye injury from the Great American Bash. More or less, he’s going to announce if he’s retiring or not here tonight. Jericho wants him gone. He was wrestling at house shows in between the PPVs, so obviously he wasn’t’ that hurt. Shawn comes out with his very hot wife named ReBECCA for this big announcement. She’s taller than he is. That’s just funny. This is going to be a long segment.

Shawn surprisingly says that he’s going to retire. Shawn thanks the fans and goes through all of his career highlights, including the screwjob and beginning DX. Geez his hair is falling out fast. As he’s thanking everyone, Jericho’s music kicks on. You know for someone that’s gotten rid of everything old, he’s sticking to that music like processed horse. Jericho says that he wants Shawn to admit that he’s quitting because of Jericho and not the eye injury.

Shawn says he’ll sit his kids and his wife down and admit that but Jericho has to sit his wife and kids down and tell them that he’ll never be Shawn Michaels. The crowd pops like crazy over that as this is one of the best segments I’ve ever seen. To up this even further, Shawn turns to leave but Jericho throws a punch that hits Shawn’s wife. Jericho leaves as Shawn is panicking. Everyone runs out to help her as Jericho leaves. The fans are eating this up with a spoon.

She sold it perfectly too so that’s helping a lot. This would lead to Shawn nearly killing Jericho at Unforgiven where Jericho would actually win the title, leading to the ladder match at No Mercy to finally end this feud.

Some movie is sponsoring this show.

ECW Title: Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry

Henry is champion here. He came over to ECW and just tore the place up, leading to this match. This is what I guess you could call the Michael Hayes Special. It was around this time that Hayes had used some racial slurs in the back and Henry complained about it. Soon therafter, Kofi won the IC Title, Shelton got the US Title and Henry the ECW Title. You might call it a coincidence, but it’s a bit too much for me to believe.

Henry even got the new belt because it didn’t fit around his overly large gut. He also has Tony Atlas with him here for no apparent reason. I think it was because Henry is horrible as a talker. We get the big fight introductions which never cease being cool. Bell rings and we’re off. Striker tells us who is who and what colors they’re wearing since we couldn’t tell that ourselves. Matt pops him with some punches but Henry just powers him to the corner.

Wait, Matt hits the Twist and goes for the cover? What the heck? Atlas pulls him out…and it’s a DQ in 30 seconds. Um, WHAT THE HECK? I know the Shawn segment was long but DUDE, you couldn’t fit in a three minute match before we do this? Oh that’s right. We had to have Santino celebrate instead.

Atlas beats on Matt but Jeff runs out and helps fight the two muscle guys off. Striker says the Hardys might be the best tag team in the last twenty years. Yeah, I’m not going near that one as it’s too easy to make fun of.

Rating: N/A. Really, what was the point of this? Matt would get the title the next month.

Ad for the Summerslam Anthology.

Same poll question is asked.

We get a recap of JBL vs. Punk. Punk won the title back in June in an epic moment, stealing the belt from Edge with the MITB contract. The problem was Punk was treated badly as champion, just as he was in his second reign. Think about it. This past reign he lost clean to Morrison twice. In the first reign, Batista won or barely lost at least once. Why can they not just give him a clean win? Maybe they will here, but over a weak opponent.

Raw World Title: JBL vs. CM Punk

Punk’s line of “some people like to refer to me as a fluke. I like to refer to myself as world heavyweight champion.” is just great. Punk gets a solid reaction during the intros. It’s not huge but it’s good. They talk about how this is a culture clash and they’re exactly right. I really like that actually as it’s definitely old school vs. new school as they say it is. For once they’re absolutely right. I love that suicide dive that Punk throws out a lot of the time.

They actually call JBL Bradshaw which I haven’t heard him referred to in forever. JBL tries a bearhug but it turns into a reverse waistlock. JBL is pretty bad at this point as his injuries were just getting to be too much for him. The main thing here is Punk’s ribs being worked on, which while a bit generic is something that works just about every time. Bradshaw’s style works well there so it’s not like he is doing something out of the ordinary.

A few submissions follow but surprisingly enough Punk wins a slug out. He hits a leg lariat but in an unplanned spot, JBL’s head slams into Punk’s which busts him open without cutting him. That was just painful looking. They hammer on each other a bit more, but Punk avoids a big power move to hit the GTS for a clean pin. I know that was short, but it wasn’t designed to be an epic match.

It was about 11 minutes and it made Punk look good as it was supposed to. He needed a clean win with the GTS to make himself look at least respectable. Lawler and Cole don’t do him any favors as they still talk about how he’s a fluke champion and a Cinderella story. Why do they need to do that? We get it, but the point of that match was to build him up a bit harder. Why mention what they were trying to overcome here?

Rating: B-. It was pretty generic at times, but it was certainly solid. JBL was doing what he was best at: slow methodical offense that made Punk look good when he came back from it. This was what Punk needed to make his reign a lot more credible: a clean pinfall victory over a big name. He would lose the title without being in the match next month due to the Scramble while JBL would move on to HBK after he got done with Jericho.

Khali is warming up in the back. That leads us to this recap. There wasn’t much of a story here other than Khali wanting a shot. The basic idea of this feud is simple: HHH can’t get the Pedigree on Khali.

Smackdown World Title: HHH vs. Great Khali

The fans pop huge for HHH. Khali’s size is flat out scary. I’ve seen him at house shows and he’s just absolutely massive. We get a cool stat that the WWE Title has been defended 17 times out of 20 Summerslams but it’s only changed 3 times. That’s very impressive actually. One more time we get the big match introductions. Khali is booed pretty loudly. HHH is only 255 here so he’s slimmed down a bit. HHH is the faster guy here which isn’t something you see that often.

He goes for the Pedigree within 30 seconds which doesn’t hit. Less than a minute in Khali hits the double handed chokeslam and the vice. HHH becomes the first guy to escape that hold but it’s not him hogging the spotlight. He’s smart enough to kick the knees out, which plays to his being the Cerebral Assassin. That makes sense, so shut up HHH haters. Ok, we’ve been in this two minutes and Khali has used his three signature moves. That makes sense. MASSIVE you can’t wrestle chant.

Khali busts out a leg drop, so obviously he can wrestle, since that guy was an in ring general. The crowd isn’t convinced though as the chant starts again. It might be the neck grip that he’s using that doesn’t really cause a lot of pain I wouldn’t think. HHH gets the facebuster to lock Khali in the ropes.

Nothing comes of it though as he’s out very fast. Pedigree try #2 doesn’t work either. HHH is smart again as he goes for the knees. That’s the best thing to do against a guy this massive. He uses the vice again as this is very back and forth. The Game forces the hands off but they’re right back on again, and it’s knee time. The third time on the Pedigree works and HHH wins.

Rating: B+. Now a lot of people are going to say this match sucks, but I disagree. This is probably Khali’s best match ever, and I think a lot of the credit for that should go to HHH. The idea here was that HHH just had to survive until he could hit his one big home run move.

Once he got that the match was going to be over and that’s exactly what happened. That makes perfect sense. The whole match was about him trying to hit the Pedigree and when he did it won the match. What more can you ask for out of something like this? There’s only so much you can do with Khali, so they did the best they could, and it worked out very well to me.

We get the recap of Cena vs. Batista, which the more I think about it, the more I like the short buildup. This match was based on two titans clashing and that’s all there needed to be. Cena’s One Day promo is something I really like.

More or less what he says is that despite all the years of him being the supposed biggest thing in the company, Batista got all the accolades and that one day, they would have their showdown. When you hear Cena talk, you have to give him this: he admits he has faults, unlike someone like Hogan who just screams about how great he is. It’s nice to hear both sides of it for a change.

John Cena vs. Batista

Big staredown before the bell and it’s on. This definitely has the big fight atmosphere and it’s working perfectly. You may no like either guy but you can’t argue that this is the biggest match the company had for a long time. Seeing this as one of the main events at Wrestlemania is still just awesome looking. Batista Bomb is avoided early as it’s kind of a long feeling out process to start.

Release fisherman’s suplex gets two for Cena as I have a feeling a strong style is coming. Side slam by Batista gets two. FU is blocked and Big Dave goes for the knee. Batista gets a figure four as the fans all go WOO as you would think two people just kissed on a sitcom. After a rope is grabbed Cena hits the FU on Batista but it’s over the top rope so we kind of hit a break.

Here come the shoulders and the Protoplex sets up the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. Since it’s a freaking punch though Big Dave pops up and kicks Cena’s head off so that both guys are down. Big spinebuster by Batista but the Batista Bomb is countered into the STFU that has ZERO pressure on the neck or upper body at first. The fans boo the heck out of this.

The positioning of the knee in this hold is always freaky looking to me and looks horrendous every time. A rope is almost grabbed but Cena pulls them back to the center. He’s been in it nearly a full minute now but FINALLY the rope is grabbed. FU is blocked again into a rear naked choke of all things by the Animal. The good thing here is you get a closeup of the arm and it’s not fully on so there is a legit reason for Cena not dying.

After elbows get Cena out of the hold a BIG OLD SPEAR puts him down. Sometimes there’s nothing better than a big old tackle. Batista goes for a powerslam but Cena counters like people counter Tombstones into a BIG FU for a long two. Fans are WAY into this too.

Cena goes up top but Batista goes up too and we slug it out on the buckle. Nice place for the boo/yay spot. Cena shoves him off but goes for the leg drop into the powerbomb which more or less snapped his neck after it was already hurt and put him out for three months until the biggest shock in like ever as he was #30 in the Rumble. Somehow it gets two so Batista hits one of the biggest Batista Bombs ever ends this clean.

Rating: A. This was the super match that everyone wanted to see and it was a great one. Both guys were spot on to say the least. Batista gets an unfair reputation as being bad, but when it’s a big match, he brings it. The ending of this match was excellent, with neither guy being able to do it. I don’t like the strong style like that being used that often, but when it’s done right, it’s a thing of beauty.

The ending with Batista just losing it and beating Cena down until there was no way he was getting up was great as it plays up to the Animal theory. This was a showdown that lived up to the hype and left the door open for the Mania rematch that we know is coming one day. This loss does something else: it keeps Cena human.

He’s dominated everyone, but there’s one man that he just can’t beat: Batista. It gives him something to shoot for. He lost the Rumble to him in 2005 and he lost here as well. That’s a great touch indeed.

The poll results say that Vickie and Edge will divorce.

The Cell is lowered and the fans pop huge. This is the newer model of the cell which is less wide but taller, making it look more like a cell than a cage. We get the recap for the feud. It started with Taker going after the title and beating Edge at Mania. Edge cheated on his wife later on, resulting in her punishing him with the Cell match upon Taker’s return from suspension.

The title aspect of the feud was long over by this point, so this was a bit weird for a choice. Before the show though, Edge and Foley cut an in ring promo where Foley said that Edge wasn’t the same guy he used to be and that Edge would get killed if he didn’t change. It was probably the best promo of the year and was absolutely great to say the least.

Hell in a Cell: Undertaker vs. Edge

Both guys are well received, but of course Taker gets the mega pop as he’s beyond legendary status at this point. We start with a fistfight and of course Taker dominates. He hits a SWEET kick to the face to get a real advantage. Taker always gets insane out there and it’s great every time. His most famous moment has to be throwing Foley, so if nothing else consider that for his stuff in here.

They’re already on the floor and have spent more time there than they did in the ring. Stairs are brought into the ring so we’re going hardcore already. Taker hits Snake Eyes onto the stairs but Edge blocks it I guess as he really isn’t hurt by it. Spear is hit into the steps, (granted Taker is sitting up against them so it’s more like a running shoulder block) so they’re saying screw the thought process I guess.

Oh look it’s a table, so I guess this is the hardcore cell now? Another table is leaned against the cage. We have a double stack of tables on the floor. I’m curious to see how that’s going to work as there’s far less room between the cage and the ring than there used to be. Edge gets a chair so we’re up to three different weapons in less than ten minutes. At least they’re staying true to the original concept. I hate changes to a match like this.

You can hear the fans chanting Edge so even back then he had a lot of fans. It’ll be good for him to come back as a face. He’s a great heel, but it’s not going to kill him to change a bit. Sick chair shot to Taker as Edge is completely in control here, which I think I expected him to be. This isn’t your standard HIAC match yet though as it’s been more of a hardcore match in a cage, which I don’t think I like that much. And now we have a ladder.

They had a TLC match already, so I guess they need one in a cage too? We get a ton of weapons shots but it ends with Edge trying a conchairto that Taker just sits up and chokes him to escape and take back over. Back on the outside, Taker just kills Edge with the steps. The sound on this was just great. Edge of course is back on offense in about 8 seconds and he spears Taker through a section of the Cell which crashes down onto the table.

It wasn’t as cool as when Lashley did it to Umaga, but it certainly wasn’t bad. Now they’re on the floor in front of the cage. You know, I don’t remember if there’s ever been a Cell match that stayed in the cage. It’s almost a running joke. Again, there’s only so much I can make fun of here as it’s been an intense, well fought match. Edge runs across some tables and spears him through the ECW table which has replaced the Spanish Announcer Table as the destroyed furniture of choice.

Taker pops up of course and is now dominating. The no selling is getting to be very annoying now. They’re back in the cell now with Edge beating on him with the ladder as the Home Depot main event continues. We see Vickie and the remnants of La Familia, the worst stable in recent history, looking on. The commentators try to figure out if they’re happy or not. Well they’re not clapping their hands, so if they’re happy they don’t know it. Edge brings in a camera so maybe it’s a Staples match.

Taker avoids the spear and chokeslams Edge for a long two. Jim Ross must be the Chris Berman of wrestling with all of these annoying nicknames for people. Also, why does he have to keep referring to the cell like it has thoughts of its own? Is this a wrestling match or a Stephen King story? Edgecution which is called the Impaler, which needs to come back. It’s such a better move than the spear which a lot of people use and he’s not that good at it either.

Taker sets for the Last Ride through the double stack of tables on the outside but takes a spear instead. They say that Taker has had more issues dealing with Edge than anyone else. I think Kane and Foley would disagree. Also the fact that he never beat Bret Hart could be a factor in there. Last Ride gets two. Ross gets the great line of Last Ride means Last Rites. If you thought I was being legit there, you need help.

Edge is pretty much dead at this point but he comes back long enough to hit an Edge-a-Matic on the stairs to make ANOTHER comeback out of the Tombstone. Ross points out that Taker isn’t standing. That’s another line that I don’t even need to make fun of. Edge tries Old School. Now, let’s count how many ways this is going to not work. Well, Taker chokeslamming him through the two tables outside would be the best way I guess, and that’s what he does.

Tazz says that Edge looks like he fell off of a building. Actually I’d say he looks like he got chokeslammed off of the top rope through two tables inside a Hell in a Cell cage by the Undertaker at Summerslam 2008, but keep in mind I’m not a professional. How many buildings do you know of that have tables stacked up on the ground outside of them? Back in the ring, Edge gets speared as Taker shows how you steal a move.

It was B+A while in special mode on No Mercy for those of you interested. He follows this up with a SICK camera shot to Edge’s head. Dang this is more of a slaughter than he should have gotten in the WZ Tournament this year. Conchairto is next, as Edge never should be able to wrestle again. The tombstones finishes this absolute massacre. La Familia is applauding. Taker walks up the aisle but turns around and comes back.

Ok, I’m not huge on Edge, but dang it let the man live. He gets the ladder which isn’t much taller than Taker is actually. He stands Edge up on it so it’s like he was climbing and fell asleep. Taker gets another ladder next to it as I’m not sure what he’s setting for. He chokeslams Edge through the ring to FINALLY end the show.

OR DOES HE???

Taker gets on his knees and raises his arms, as fire stars shooting out of the hole. JR says where Taker sent Edge. Oh man it why did they have to go there? Yeah, that hurt things a LOT.

Rating: A-. I’m not wild on the weapons in there. The idea of the Cell is to have it be enough to hurt people. More or less you had a TLC match in the cage, which both worked and didn’t work at the same time. On one hand, you had an incredibly violent match with a definitive winner of the feud in Taker, but you also had a lot of clutter in there.

I think the weapons could work but they just used FAR too many of them. The fire at the end was just stupid. So wait, Edge is there now? If so, then why was he back on TV a few months later completely fine? See why it makes NO FREAKING SENSE???

Overall Rating: A-. A very solid show here, as there’s just one bad match and one headscratcher in the double title match. Other than that, this is a very good show. Your two non title matches are both great, the world title matches are solid, and you have a solid segment.

The only thing I think that’s missing would be the match with Hardy and Henry. Why not have like 3 minutes worth instead of 30 seconds? Were they running so close to the time limit that they couldn’t spare two minutes or so? Either way, this was a great show and one of the better ones I’ve seen.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews