HIDDEN GEM: Legends Battle Royal: A Gem I Wanted Unhidden
Battle Royal
Date: November 16, 1987
Location: Meadowlands Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Baron Mikel Scicluna, Sailor Art Thomas, Pedro Morales, Edouard Carpentier, Al Costello, Gene Kiniski, Gino Brito, Bobo Brazil, Dominic DeNucci, The Crusher, Nick Bockwinkel, Pat O’Connor, Ray Stevens, Rene Goulet, Chief Jay Strongbow, Lou Thesz, Killer Kowalski, Arnold Skaaland
Now THIS is something I have wanted to see for a very long time now as it’s a legends battle royal between a bunch of names you do not often see in WWE. Each legend gets an individual entrance, as they should. We start with the usual brawling but the camera is WAY too zoomed in, meaning we miss the first few eliminations. Thesz puts out someone we can’t see and then brawls with Kowalski as we ignore everyone else.
We settle down to more brawling as I try to figure out who is who and who is still in. Costello catapults Garea out and we get a fight between Bockwinkel and Kiniski. Bockwinkel drives a bunch of shoulders into the ribs and then zoom in on Thesz trying to get rid of Crusher. Costello is tossed by DeNucci and Carpentier gets rid of Goulet. Kowalski goes after Thesz, who knocks him through the ropes.
Back in and Brazil is knocked out and we’re suddenly down to six, with Bockwinkel, Thesz, Crusher, Kowalski, O’Connor and Stevens. Stevens backdrops Crusher out and Thesz punches Kowalski off the top and out to the floor. O’Connor whips Stevens out and then gets rid of Bockwinkel, leaving us with O’Connor vs. Thesz. O’Connor takes him to the mat but gets caught in a hammerlock. They get back up and Thesz backdrops him out for the win at 11:11.
Rating: D. This was like a much more serious version of the Gimmick Battle Royal, as it was all about everyone getting one more entrance. Some of the wrestlers got far stronger reactions than others while a few just received polite applause. It was still great to see though, even if the quality had absolutely no value whatsoever.
Post match, Thesz and O’Connor pose together for old times’ sake.
And now we get THIRTY MINUTES of comments from almost involved, plus Freddie Blassie. I have no idea why this stuff wasn’t released in any kind of mainstream format before because it’s a great thing to see.
Worlds Collide: Battle Royals: All Those People In Search Of Something To Do
IMG Credit: WWE
Worlds Collide: Battle Royals Date: May 1, 2019 Location: Pier 12, New York City, New York Commentators: Vic Joseph, Percy Watson
Yes it’s a fourth one of these things and no I don’t get it either. As the name suggests, we’re looking at a pair of battle royals here (one for the men and one for the women) with almost everyone from the previous three shows plus a few bonus entrants. Your guess is as good as mine as to why we need to see this nearly a month after Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.
The audio commentary is really low here for some reason.
Women’s Battle Royal
Bianca Belair, Taynara Conti, Kacy Catanzaro, Deonna Purrazzo, Io Shirai, Marina Shafir, Jessamyn Duke, Jesse, Lacey Lane, Xia Li, Kavita Devi, Kay Lee Ray, Mia Yim, Piper Niven, Reina Gonzalez, Vanessa Borne, Aliyah, Toni Storm
Everyone gets an entrance, which I’ll certainly take over having to go through all the entrance in a big group shot. We start the same way most battle royals start, with a variety of teased eliminations and people saving themselves. Lane tries a double springboard due to reasons of not seeming that bright and gets kicked out, as she should be. Shafir and Duke get together again to eliminate Jesse and it’s back to more brawling on the ropes.
Niven dumps Ray, who seems to swear revenge. Conti gets knocked off the top but hangs onto the post and gets back in for this match’s Kofi Kingston save. Purrazzo gets rid of Li and Kacy does a crazy handstand on the top into a headscissors on Reina, who forearms her out a second later. Shirai tosses Purrazzo as the ring is starting to clear a lot. Gonzalez and Storm slug it out as Niven drops Conti with a hard forearm.
Devi and Gonzalez do the hoss fight with Devi getting kicked out. Almost everyone but Gonzalez is down for a bit until Niven and Storm get together, only to fail to eliminated Conti. Shafir accidentally knocks Duke out and then intentionally tosses Yim. Shirai sends Conti to the apron and dropkicks her out as the field is clearing out a lot. Belair forearms Shafir out and we’re down to Belair, Storm, Shirai, Aliyah, Niven, Gonzalez and Borne.
Niven Hulks Up on Borne and Aliyah but misses a charge and gets tossed. Excessive celebration lets Shirai and Storm get rid of Borne and Aliyah and we’re down to four. Niven chases the two of them out as Belair and Gonzalez’s alliance lasts all of fourteen seconds. Gonzalez sends Belair and Storm into the same corner for shoulders to the ribs. Shirai sends Gonzalez to the apron and forearms her out to get us down to three.
Belair fireman’s carries Storm and swings her into Shirai before dumping her out. We’re down to Belair vs. Shirai with a hard forearm knocking Shirai down. A headscissors sends both of them to the apron but Belair slides back in and avoids a springboard dropkick. The gorilla press toss eliminates Shirai to give Belair the win at 18:27.
Rating: D+. Well that was long. Belair winning is fine, though it doesn’t make her any better or fix any of the problems that have held her back so far. There isn’t much to say about something like this because it’s a bunch of standing around until the finish, which is always the case in battle royals. Gonzalez and Conti looked good here, but they’re more people who aren’t getting much of a chance anywhere.
Men’s Battle Royal
Ariya Daivari, Brian Kendrick, Dave Mastiff, Drew Gulak, Fabian Aichner, Eric Bugenhagen, Humberto Carrillo, Joe Coffey, Mark Coffey, Dominik Dijakovic, Ligero, Matt Riddle, Rinku Singh, Saurav Gurjar, Roderick Strong, Wesley Blake, Steve Cutler, Akira Tozawa, Travis Banks, Tyler Bate
It’s a brawl to start with Bugenhagen and Riddle heading outside for a jam sessions which makes way more sense than it should. Back in and it’s another standard battle royal opening as we wait on the ring to clear out a bit. Dijakovic sends Aichner to the apron and superkicks him out, followed by a toss to get rid of Tozawa. High levels of confidence allow Dijakovic to stop and pose, meaning it’s a group beatdown but so many split off that Dijakovic is able to shove everyone else away.
The cyclone boot eliminates Carrillo and Bugenhagen tosses Daivari for excessive jamming. Gurjar dumps Bugenhagen and you can feel the energy go out of the arena. The Forgotten Sons gets together to eliminate Ligero and Kendrick saves Gulak for no logical reason. There goes Banks as the ring is still rather full. Gulak and Riddle grapple on the mat and wind up on the apron but come back in after realizing they’re wasting their time. Mark Coffey is out and Riddle gives Dijakovic a GTS for another elimination.
Mastiff eliminates Gulak and Cutler but Kendrick (still in the leather jacket) saves himself. Riddle and Mastiff chop it out and Gurjar gets rid of Singh. Kendrick eliminates Blake but tries Sliced Bread on Coffey, earning himself his own elimination. We’re down to Riddle, Joe Coffey, Mastiff, Strong, Bate and Gurjar. Riddle unloads on Mastiff in the corner and knees him out but the backsplash hits Coffey’s knees.
Bate hits the rebound lariat to get rid of Coffey and it’s a four way staredown. Gurjar fights off all three of them with a good side slam planting Riddle. That’s enough to send Riddle to the apron and a big boot gets rid of him in a heck of an upset. Bate uses raw strength to get rid of Gurjar and the fans are very appreciative. Strong and Bate slug it out with Bate hitting an exploder suplex into the nip up. The Tyler Driver 97 is countered into a jumping knee to the face so Bate comes right back with the airplane spin.
That’s not enough for an elimination either so they chop it out with a hard one from Strong knocking him down. A running clothesline puts Strong on the apron but a few more knees let him get back in. More chops don’t get Strong very far as Bate sends him to the apron and blasts him with a dropkick…for no elimination. Strong pulls him to the apron as well and posts Bate, who comes right back with the head fake left hand. They make it back in and strike it out again until Strong sends him to the apron. Bate hits a forearm and tries a springboard but gets dropkicked out to the floor to give Strong the win at 19:30.
Rating: C+. The ending sequence alone made it better than the first match but this was another example of a long match with very little going on until we got to the finish. There were so many people in there until the ending and while the final grouping was pretty strong, there is only so much you can get out of waiting around to get there for half of the match.
Overall Rating: C-. The show was fine, though spending the better part of twenty minutes on entrances alone was kind of a stretch. The biggest thing I got from this was how many people WWE has down in developmental who aren’t likely to get a major push ever. Can you picture the Coffeys on the main roster? Or Xia Li?
They’re talented, but WWE would pick a lot of others before them and it’s just bloating the roster more and more. NXT UK has helped, but there are so many people under the WWE banner that they can run shows like this and still have a ton of roster members left over. That’s probably not good, but neither is running these four shows for the sake of adding content to the Network. We can have this but not Legends With JBL or Royal Rumble Rewind or more round table shows? Anyway, not bad, but really don’t waste your time.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:
Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania II: I Knew I Hated Triple Threats
Wrestlemania II
Date: April 7, 1986
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, New York City, New York/Rosemont Horizon, Chicago, Illinois/Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,585 (New York), 9,000 (Chicago), 14,500 (Los Angeles), 40,085 (Total)
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Susan St. James, Gene Okerlund, Gorilla Monsoon, Cathy Lee Crosby, Alfred Hayes, Jesse Ventura, Elvira
This is one of those ideas that they tried once and only once before never thinking about doing it again. After the success of Wrestlemania, the idea was that Wrestlemania 2 had to be bigger, so Vince came up with the idea of splitting it into three cities. This show is widely considered to be one of if not the worst Wrestlemania of all time and with main events such as Piper vs. Mr. T. in a boxing match and Hogan vs. Bundy in a cage it’s not hard to see why. Let’s get to it.
This is on a Monday for some reason.
This was a tape I watched to death back when I was a kid so the theme music for this brings a smile to my face.
Vince opens things up in New York and introduces Susan St. James, a popular actress of the day, to be his co-commentator.
Ray Charles sings America the Beautiful.
Gene is in Chicago and welcomes us to the city for later on.
Roddy Piper and his trainer for the fight Lou Duva (famous boxing trainer) say Piper is ready. Piper promises to quit wrestling and boxing if he gets knocked out. He’ll also quick playing tiddlywinks and dating girls, but he’ll stick with Bob Orton of course. Those two spent WAY too much time together.
Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco
This is fallout from the main event of Mania last year as Orndorff turned face due to Piper and Orton leaving him behind. Muraco is an associate of Piper so this is kind of a proxy feud for Paul. Muraco has Fuji with him too. Both guys say they’ll win in a voiceover as the match starts. Paul slams Muraco down to start and the crowd is already hot. Orndorff makes a slant eyes face at Fuji which today would get him thrown out of the company. In 1986, he was making $20,000 a week later in the year. It’s funny how times change.
Paul takes him down to the mat with an armbar as Susan St. James clearly has no idea what’s going on. She’s trying but this isn’t something she knows about at all it would seem. Paul cranks on a wristlock before going back down to the armbar. Susan: “He looks like he’s using some ancient Chinese techniques”. Uh…yeah. Muraco finally escapes and sends Paul into the corner, only to have Orndorff go off on him as they brawl to the floor. In something you won’t ever hear again I don’t think, the opening match of Wrestlemania goes to a double countout. The fans chant some expletives.
Rating: D. What do you want here? The match is four minutes long and ends in a double countout. It was hot while it lasted, but the problem is that it didn’t last long enough at all. This was a pretty big feud and it gets a four minute match? That’s all they can spare these guys? Orndorff would have a MEGA heel turn later in the summer which would eventually draw 74,000 people to an outdoor show in Toronto. That’s some drawing power.
Mr. T. says he doesn’t like to do a lot of talking before a fight before proceeding to talk more in 30 seconds than Goldberg said in his entire career. To show you the production values, he’s drowned out by Fink announcing the results of the previous match.
Intercontinental Title: George Steele vs. Randy Savage
This was a pretty big feud that also wound up meaning a lot more the next year than it does here. The basic idea is that George is in love with Liz and doesn’t like how Savage treats her. There’s a great angle right there that hasn’t been used in a LONG time (Punk/AJ/Bryan isn’t the same thing). Savage in an inset interview babbles as only Savage can without saying anything of note.
Steele does a freaky kind of dance and Savage immediately bails to the floor. That works so well that they do it again and make it three times until FINALLY George chases after him. Steele catches Savage going back in and bites his calf before they head back in. Randy hits a running knee to the chest but Steele easily lifts him into the air and chokes him down. George gets caught looking at Liz though and is tied up in the ropes so Savage pounds away.
A top rope cross body gets two for the champ (Savage in case you’re really young) and Steele throws him to the floor. Randy slips under the ring and sneaks up on George, only to get bitten on the arm. Savage goes to the floor and finds….a bouquet of flowers? George shoves them into Randy’s face before going to eat a turnbuckle (don’t ask).
The stuffing goes into Savage’s face but Steele AGAIN gets distracted by Liz, allowing Savage to hit the ax handle to the back. Back in and Savage hits the slam and elbow for two. Wait what? This is 1986 and the SAVAGE ELBOW only gets two? Steele grabs Savage by the face and sends him into the corner, only to get tripped up and pinned with the feet on the ropes to retain the title.
Rating: C-. This is one of those matches where your individual taste is going to vary a lot. On one hand, it’s a comedy match but not an incredibly funny one, while on the other hand it’s terrible from a wrestling perspective. On the other hand, you have three hands and should see a surgeon immediately. The point is this wasn’t much of a match and never would have made it onto a modern Mania card. Of course it wouldn’t; the Intercontinental Title doesn’t exist around Wrestlemania time. Also, of all the people in the WWF, GEORGE STEELE gets to kick out of the elbow? REALLY? This was fun for the goofiness if nothing else.
Savage and Liz immediately bail so Steele eats another buckle.
Bill Fralic (a football player) and Big John Studd are both in a battle royal later today and they talk some trash, once again being drowned out by Fink.
Vince asks Susan if she likes snakes. Make your own jokes.
Jake Roberts vs. George Wells
Wells is a former football player who never did another thing of note in wrestling other than be in this match. Jake is brand new at this point and is promptly run over and backdropped down in the first ten seconds. A flying shoulder takes Jake down and there’s a headbutt for good measure. Wells hits a decent flying headscissors followed by a slam for no cover. A knee lift has Jake draped in the ropes and a powerslam gets two. Roberts comes back with a poke to the eyes and a knee lift followed by the DDT for the fast pin. This was pretty much domination until the last ten seconds.
Jake wraps George up in the snake post match and makes Wells foam at the mouth.
We recap Piper vs. T which is allegedly based on a boxing match that happened in Phoenix, as apparently we’re ignoring ALL of the stuff from last year that set up the first Wrestlemania.
Hogan predicts T to win and says his ribs will be fine in the cage tonight.
We introduce the “celebrities.” First up is Joan Rivers as guest ring announcer, Darryl Dawkins, Cab Calloway and G. Gordon Liddy as guest judges and Herb from Burger King commercials (you won’t remember him) is guest timekeeper.
Roddy Piper vs. Mr. T.
This is a boxing match with ten three minute rounds. T has Joe Frazier as his trainer and the Haiti Kid to counter Orton. Piper is the aggressor to start as Vince calls T’s defensive stance a peek-a-boo style. Roddy grabs on the ropes and T fires away some body shots. These rounds might only be two minutes rounds. Piper takes him into the corner but T bobs and weaves before popping Roddy in the face a few times. It turns into another brawl on the ropes for the last thirty seconds or so of the round.
Everyone comes in to break up the brawl and we take a break between rounds. T gets in a few shots to the face to open round 2 but Piper apparently has a bunch of goo on his face. There’s an Orton/Piper joke in there somewhere. After the face gets cleaned off Piper starts pounding away and T is in trouble. I’ll change the numbers again because the rounds are indeed three minutes long. Piper gets him into the corner and pounds away, dropping him with a pair of shots to the head after about seven shots that missed BADLY. That gets an eight count and round 2 ends with T going down just after the bell.
Piper gets in a few cheap shots after the bell because that’s the kind of guy he is. We start round 3 with T firing away but they’re clearly getting tired. Piper goes down in his corner but pulls himself up before the count. T pounds him right back down in the corner and this time gets a seven count. This turns into move of a shoving match until T gets in a right hand to knock Piper out of the ring and out to the floor. Round 3 ends with nothing of note going on.
T talks trash in between rounds so Piper throws his stool across the ring as round 4 begins. They slug it out with T finally taking over. Piper DRILLS him with a right hand that knocks T’s mouthpiece out. T comes back with the same kind of a punch….and then Piper shoves the referee down and slams T for the DQ.
Rating: D. This was one of those things that everyone knew was going to be a disaster and the best chance they had was to make it goofy. Thankfully we’re talking about Roddy Piper in the 80s so you know he can bring the goofy. There were some decent punches in here but like all other wrestling boxing matches, you knew it would end with some sort of a DQ. This was pretty much it for Mr. T in the WWF other than a few cameos later on.
Off to Chicago!
Gene and Gorilla bring in Kathy Lee Crosby to do commentary.
Women’s Title: Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre
Moolah is defending of course and hits about five hair mares in a row to start things off. Velvet comes back with some one footed dropkicks before going up and missing a splash for Moolah to get the pin. This barely lasted 90 seconds which may have been due to McIntyre’s outfit breaking when she came off the ropes.
Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff
This is a flag match which means a regular match where the winner gets to wave their flag. For some reason the ring is VERY loud all of a sudden. Kirchner is a guy you likely won’t have heard of but he’s famous for being VERY stiff which is why he wasn’t around long. Blassie is with Nikolai here and his man hits a spinning kick to start.
We head to the floor where Volkoff rams him into the post and cuts the Corporal open with a piece of razor that he immediately puts back down into his trunks. Blassie yells at Kirchner a bit before they head back inside. It’s a slugout but Blassie throws in his cane which goes upside Nikolai’s head for the pin. This was another very short match.
Gene takes over the ring announcing for the NFL/WWF battle royal. There are six football players and fourteen wrestlers. Dick Butkus is a guest referee.
Battle Royal
NFL: Jimbo Covert, Harvey Martin, Ernie Holmes, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, William Perry
WWF: Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, Iron Sheik, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bruno Sammartino, Jim Neidhart, Bret Hart
Perry is the hometown boy but once they said Andre’s name there was little doubt as to who was winning. Ernie Ladd jumps in on commentary as a former wrestler and football player. Andre chills in the corner and beats up anyone that comes near him. Perry gets ganged up on a few times in the corner but fights them off as Covert and Tonga go out. Francis goes after Andre like a crazy man and Holmes is gone.
The two giants go at it for a bit and Brunzell is gone. There’s never much to talk about in battle royals as most of it is just a bunch of brawls and the occasional elimination like Atlas going out here. Studd beats up Perry in the corner as Martin and Morales put each other out. Arcidi loads up Blair but Bruno makes the save for some reason. Not that it matters though as Arcidi is put out just a few seconds later. Spivey is gone as are Blair and Hillbilly. We’re down to about eight or so.
Fralic is dumped out by a bunch of people and Bruno backdrops Sheik out. Studd dumps Bruno and we’re down to Andre, Studd, Francis, Perry and the Harts. Perry shrugs off both Harts and sends them to the apron for the biggest pop of the night. He starts firing off tackles at Studd before running into an elbow for the elimination. Perry offers a handshake but pulls Studd out to the floor to another big pop. The Harts get Andre tied in the ropes and easily dump Francis. They pound away on Andre a bit but the big man is like dude please. He grabs Neidhart by the beard and kicks him out before tossing Bret on Anvil to win.
Rating: D. This was another pretty lame match with the football players not being able to do much due to not being wrestlers. Perry was incredibly popular and got a great reaction from the crowd, but other than him the NFL guys didn’t add anything at all here. Andre winning was the only logical choice and there’s not much else to say here.
Vince and Susan talk to Piper in New York and of course he says he’s awesome and didn’t lose at all.
Back in Chicago Jimbo Covert says he got cheated by Fralic. Iron Sheik says he’s proven wrestlers are better than football players.
We look at the end of the battle royal again.
Tag Titles: Dream Team vs. British Bulldogs
The Dream Team is Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine and they’re defending. For absolutely no apparent reason, the Bulldogs have Ozzy freaking Osbourne in their corner. Smith and Valentine start things off with Davey pounding away in the corner. Off to a wristlock before Dynamite comes in to send Valentine into the buckle for two. There’s the snap suplex for no cover and it’s back to Davey for the delayed vertical.
Greg gets in a few shots in the corner including a forearm to the back to take over and finally bring in Brutus. He cranks on the arm and is immediately gorilla pressed down by Smith. Dynamite comes in again and gets two off a small package. Beefcake makes a blind tag though and Valentine comes in off the top via another forearm to the back and the champions take over. Kid comes right back and pounds away before bringing Smith back in.
The Bulldogs hit a double headbutt for two for Kid but Brutus comes in sans tag to switch momentum right back. Valentine gets two off a kneeling piledriver but falls victim to the Arn Anderson self-crotching mistake. He continues the Horsemen theme by going up top and getting slammed down ala Flair as everything breaks down. Dynamite gets sent to the floor so Smith comes in with the powerslam (not yet the finisher) for two on Valentine.
Davey misses a charges into the post though and his shoulder is hurt in a hurry. Brutus comes in to work over the arm and hits a kind of hammerlock slam. Valentine hits a shoulderbreaker but pulls up before covering. In a VERY sudden ending, Dynamite gets on the top rope while still illegal and Davey rams Valentine’s head into that of Dynamite for the pin and the title.
Rating: B. It’s not a great or even a very good match but after nearly two hours of lame wrestling with nothing matches, this was a great breath of fresh air. The Bulldogs would be champions for the better part of a year while the Dream Team would survive for another year before splitting at the next Wrestlemania. Good stuff here though.
Both sets of announcers talk about the title change. I’ll give the female celebrities this: they sound like they’re enjoying themselves and they’re trying at least.
Off to Los Angeles.
Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez
Lee Marshall of non-fame in WCW is the announcer. This was supposed to be Steamboat vs. Hart but WWF saw more star power in Hernandez. This wasn’t their best time from a thinking standpoint. Hercules pounds on him to start but Steamboat goes to the arm as is his custom. A kick to the ribs puts Hernandez down and it’s off to an armbar. Back up and Steamboat does some leapfrogs before elbowing Herc down.
We head to the armbar again until Hernandez rams him into the buckle and hits a clothesline to take Steamboat down. A hot shot has Steamboat in trouble again but he comes back with a failed slam attempt that gives Hercules two. A pair of elbows get two more due to a very lazy cover. Hercules hits a tilt-a-whirl slam for two and there’s a gorilla press slam to go with it. Make it a pair of gorilla presses but Hernandez’s splash hits knees, allowing Ricky to hit the top rope cross body for the pin.
Rating: C-. Very basic match here with power vs. speed, although most of the speed guy’s offense involved an armbar. That’s something you have to get used to in Steamboat matches though so it’s not a disappointment or anything. The match itself was pretty dull stuff but Steamboat in the 80s is never a bad thing.
Adrian Adonis vs. Uncle Elmer
We hit the stereotypes now the gay character vs. the hillbilly character. Elmer, weighing roughly 450lbs, runs off Adonis and Jimmy Hart before the match and we get a good shot of Adrian’s pink dress. We finally get inside and Elmer starts pounding away before sending Adonis into the corner for a Flair Flip. Adrian gets sent into the corner two more times in a row with the second time landing him on the floor. Back in and there goes the dress as Adrian gets tied up in the ropes. A single punch to the chest puts Elmer down but he comes back with a corner splash, only to miss the big leg drop. A top rope headbutt gives Adrian a pin.
Rating: D-. What are you expecting here? We’ve got REALLY basic gimmicks (although Adonis wasn’t bad in his day) in a three minute match involving a man wearing a dress. This is what you call filler, albeit terrible filler. Elmer wouldn’t ever really do much in the WWF but he was a pretty big deal in the indies.
Adonis puts a flower on Elmer’s back post match.
We get Hogan’s second promo of the show with him saying he’s ready for Bundy and he begs Heenan to get involved.
Funk Brothers vs. Junkyard Dog vs. Junkyard Dog/Tito Santana
It’s Terry and Hoss here, with the latter being more famous as Dory Jr. Hoss and Dog start things off with JYD sending one Funk into another and slamming them both down before the Funks head to the floor for a breather. Off to Tito vs. Terry for a bit now and it’s a short bit as Terry gets clotheslined to the floor. Hoss takes a dropkick to send him out to be with his brother and the heels huddle on the floor again. Oh and they have Jimmy Hart too.
Back to the Dog vs.. Terry and they slug it out with Dog taking over. JYD rams Terry into the buckle so many times that the pad starts to come off. Terry gets thrown to the unpadded floor yet again and it’s back to Hoss. Tito comes in as well and Hoss fires off the famous Funk forearms. Speaking of forearms, the flying variety takes Hoss down and the Funks head to the floor again.
Hoss gets back in for a crisscross with Terry hitting Tito in the back with a knee to take over. Tito gets knocked to the floor and JYD has to chase Jimmy off a few times before throwing Santana back in. Terry gets two off a suplex and argues with the referee a bit before getting suplexed himself. They hit the ropes and collide but Terry falls into his own corner to bring in Hoss. The Funks hit a double clothesline which gets two for Terry who is getting frustrated.
Santana finally slides between Terry’s legs and makes the hot tag to JYD. We prove we’re in the 80s with a double noggin knocker to both of the Funks and a punch sends Hoss to the outside. Terry has a rope from somewhere as everything breaks down. JYD throws Terry to the floor and slams him on a table for good measure. Terry’s knee is hurt and he can’t stand up but he gets back inside anyway as Jimmy gets decked. Everything breaks down again and Tito puts Hoss in the Figure Four but Terry blasts Dog in the head with the megaphone for the pin.
Rating: B-. I’ve said before that the 1980s were the best era ever for tag wrestling and this show proves it again. Most of the show hasn’t been all that great but the tag matches have been by far the best matches on the card. This was a fun and WILD match but not to the point where you couldn’t keep track of what was going on. Good stuff here and after two boring matches in the LA section this was a good match to pick things up.
We set up the cage, which is the big blue kind for the first time ever.
Hogan is lifting weights with bad ribs and we recap Hogan vs. Bundy. On SNME, Hogan defended the title against Don Muraco and after the match, Bundy ran in and destroyed Hogan with a bunch of splashes to injure the ribs. The doctor says Hogan shouldn’t be doing this, so Hulk does chinups with a 100lb weight around his neck.
Heenan and Bundy say they’re going to take the title from Hogan.
Elvira sends it to New York for comments from Susan and Vince.
WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy
Escape only here, as it should be. Tommy Lasorda of the LA Dodgers is guest ring announcer. Ricky Schroder, a child actor, is guest timekeeper and Robert Conrad, an adult actor, is guest referee. Hogan starts firing off right hands to start and knocks Bundy into the cage before choking Bundy with his own singlet. The following clothesline in the corner has Bundy in even more trouble and a forearm to the head staggers him even more. All Hogan so far.
Both guys block shots into the cage but King goes to the ribs to stop Hogan cold. There’s a slam to mess with the ribs even more and Bundy goes for the door. You know it’s not ending that fast though so Bundy comes back to choke with the tape a bit. Another attempt to escape goes about as well and Hulk comes back with an elbow in the corner. Bundy gets rammed into the cage to bust him open and Hogan rakes his back a bit. More cage ramming occurs and Hulk climbs to the top to choke away on the ropes.
Hogan goes for the slam but Bundy falls down onto him as you would expect him to. Bundy goes to the door but Hulk grabs him for some choking with the rib tape. The Avalanche splash hits in the corner and a regular one hits as well so Hogan can shake like a fish. Hogan dives to stop Bundy from getting out but takes another Avalanche….with no effect whatsoever. The champion busts out a powerslam of all things and easily climbs out to retain.
Rating: D. It’s Hogan vs. a monster in 1986 so what in the world were you expecting to see here? At the end of the day this was the safe move but with all of the other heels on the roster, this is the best they could come up with? I mean, you have Savage, Piper or even Roberts to be in there, but you pick Bundy? It’s not like this was some huge feud as the SNME that set this up was five weeks before this show. I’ve heard that Vince was trying desperately to get Nikita Koloff to jump and be in the main event but when they fell through, they picked a monster instead. Eh when all else fails, go with the safe pick.
Hogan beats up Heenan to close the show.
Overall Rating: D. This is a tough one to grade for the same reason that I don’t consider it the worst Mania ever: it was the second one and they had NO idea what they were doing here. The main thing that helps this show is that while most of the matches are worthless, they’re FAST. Of all the non-tag matches, only the cage match and the boxing match break ten minutes and the cage match does so by about 15 seconds. It’s certainly not a good show and if this happened today Vince would be jumping off a building, but for its time this wasn’t completely terrible.
Ratings Comparison
Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco
Original: D+
Redo: D
Randy Savage vs. George Steele
Original: C-
Redo: C-
Jake Roberts vs. George Wells
Original: F
Redo: D+
Mr. T. vs. Roddy Piper
Original: F
Redo: D
Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre
Original: N/A
Redo: N/A
Corporal Kirschner vs. Nikolai Volkoff
Original: D-
Redo: N/A
Battle Royal
Original: B
Redo: D
British Bulldog vs. Dream Team
Original: B-
Redo: B
Rick Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez
Original: C-
Redo: C-
Adrian Adonis vs. Uncle Elmer
Original: N/A
Redo: D-
Terry Funk/Hoss Funk vs. Tito Santana/Junkyard Dog
Original: B-
Redo: B-
Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy
Original: B-
Redo: D
Overall Rating
Original: D+
Redo: D
Dang those must have been the strong rose colored glasses back then.
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Wrestlemania XXXII Preview: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
In case you needed a match to throw in a bunch of midcarders to get them on the card.
Battle royals are really hard to predict. Like really hard to predict. However that’s not the case here as this should be one of the easiest battle royals to call in a long time. Simply put, there aren’t a lot of people who could win. Based on the currently listed entrants, the only major threats are going to be Big Show, Kane and……dang that’s really it isn’t it? You can almost bet the Wyatts will be involved so you can throw Strowman on there too, which is kind of necessary to avoid me going insane.
Of course there’s always the chance that someone could be added to the match as a big surprise (Cesaro is rumored) but unless they’re going to win the thing, save that for the next night on Raw. Barring a surprise winner, I think we’ll get Strowman here, even though Bray winning would make so much more sense. Even if Strowman clears the ring and then Bray orders him out ala Ted DiBiase or something, but Bray needs this way more than anyone else. I know he’s banged up but it’s a battle royal. He can work the whole match without taking any major bumps so just give it to him so he can actually win something for once.
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Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal Moved To Wrestlemania Pre-Show
No reason given but it’s likely due to it being a TWO HOUR pre-show and needing more than one match. I’m not sure if they have enough to fill in the PPV now but they did it with seven matches last year.
Wrestlemania XXX Preview: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Basically if you’re on the roster and not on the show, you’re in this.The push seems to be for Big Show to win here, but it seems too easy for that to happen. I think they might go with Sheamus, but the interesting thing is who the last three entrants are. My money is on Rob Van Dam, someone we don’t care about, and Sami Zayn. That being said, the rumor is CM Punk returning and winning, but that doesn’t jive with the idea of him feuding with Austin as has been planned, as it would put him up against Hogan, which doesn’t work at all.
Most of the people simply aren’t going to win, but I’ll take Sheamus for the surprise win. This isn’t the Royal Rumble, meaning you can have 29 people gang up on Big Show at once. Granted that rarely works on big names, so I think he makes the final two or three but eats a Brogue Kick for an elimination. The match can be good if they let it work, but the entrances are either going to be all together or take about an hour and a half. This has the potential to suck but it could be fun if they build some drama. The last three entrants should be fun as well.
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On This Day: November 29, 2011 – Smackdown: Christmas In November
Smackdown
Date: November 29, 2011
Location: Time Warner Cable Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews
This is a special edition of the show as it’s airing live on Tuesday. Also it’s the holiday episode, which I think is a catch all for Thanksgiving and Christmas, which is next month but whatever. Foley is the host for the evening and we have a world title match in a cage with Henry vs. Bryan. Let’s get to it.
The show opens with fake snow and Josh saying there was a snow storm that started a few seconds ago.
Here’s Foley. There’s a Christmas set. Aren’t they pulling this out a little early? I mean we have Christmas music, Foley in a Santa suit, Christmas lights at the table and all that jazz. He points out that it’s still November but he’s a Christmas fanatic. What Good Old JR is to barbecue sauce and what the Ultimate Warrior is to arm tassels, he is to Christmas. For us tonight, we have a world title match between Tiny Tim and the Ghost of Christmas Fear inside a steel cage. There’s also a miracle on 34th street fight, an over the top rope battle royal where the winner gets their Christmas wish granted…and Michael Cole.
Foley can’t get around the contract and Cole’s legal team, but he can pick how Cole has to dress. Cue Cole in a Rudolph costume. Josh is in an elf outfit so he can’t complain much. Foley also brings out Booker, who is also in a Santa outfit. Foley asks for a Spinarooni to make up for This is your Life from a few weeks ago. It’s set to the Dradle Song because they both spin. The hat comes off but the fans cheer for it so all is well.
Cue Cody all in white. Well mostly in white. He says that he’s seeing clearly now and says that he’s not going to let someone take up the time when that person can’t perform in the ring anymore. Booker says he can still go and calls Cody son. Foley cuts Cody off and makes Booker vs. Cody for later. No word on if this is for the title or not. First up, let’s have a Divas match.
Alicia Fox vs. Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella vs. Natalya vs. Kaitlyn vs. AJ vs. Tamina vs. Aksana
This is a mistletoe on a pole match, which means you have to climb up and get the mistletoe. The winner gets something they can cash in before Christmas. Brie wins at 57 seconds after climbing on Nikki. I have no idea if I got all the competitors or not, not do I care.
Foley says Brie gets to kiss any superstar she wants before Christmas. Ok then.
Justin Gabriel vs. Jinder Mahal
Mahal runs down Christmas before the show starts. We hear about how Mahal has hates DiBiase for giving away all his money. Cue DiBiase in a Santa hat with a bag. He throws out WWE gifts to fans. The distraction lets Gabriel hit an STO and the 450 for the pin at 2:15.
Foley is learning the Siva Tao from the Usos when Piper comes up. He wants a new straightjacket for Christmas. Horny and some good looking woman are having egg nog. Dusty Rhodes is here. He offers Horny a picture of Lagy Gaga and something about sandwich. Dusty says there are some strange people here and turns around into Goldust. There’s something awesome about that. Oh the chick is Maxine.
Piper is talking to someone when Otunga comes up with the coffee cup and has an announcement from Johnny Ace. The holiday music has to be in the public domain. Eh we might as well shut the party down now. Foley and Piper are like dude…..you are in WAY over your head. Foley puts Otunga in the street fight tonight against Randy Orton.
We recap Booker vs. Cody. Booker is in the back when Cody jumps him with the belt, injuring his arm.
Kofi Kingston vs. Tyson Kidd
This should be good. Booker vs. Cody is officially off. Tyson has hair now. They start off pretty fast and both guys go down off a double clothesline. Kidd hits the floor to avoid Trouble in Paradise but Kofi hits a dropkick out there anyway. Kofi gets in Cole’s face for some reason and steals the reindeer hat. Kidd gets in a shot and somehow this isn’t a double countout yet. Kofi puts the hat and nose on, finishing with the top rope cross body at 3:33.
Rating: C. Total comedy match and that’s fine. The idea of the reindeer flying to end it was good but we need to get Bourne back already so Kofi can defend the title instead of just holding it. I think he’s due back tomorrow or something so it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Decent match but with more time it would have been even better.
Kaitlyn tells Horny he should wish to be taller. Teddy and Sheamus are talking and Sheamus asks what the winner of the battle royal (20 man) gets. Teddy doesn’t know but whatever it is, it’ll be worth it. Cue Aksana who has mistletoe with her. And Aksana eats it instead of kissing Teddy.
Randy Orton vs. David Otunga
This is a street fight. There are a bunch of Christmas trees at ringside as well as presents that slide around the floor. Otunga is in red shorts now instead of his normal trunks. Randy throws him into a bunch of trees and then the announce table. There’s a tray of cookies there so Orton has a bite, gives a face as if to say not bad, then smacks Otunga with the tray.
He grabs a wreath off the post, shouts HO HO HO in Otunga’s face (legit made me laugh) and sends him into the steps. Otunga goes under the ring and finds a kendo stick made to look like a candy cane. Orton takes him down though and beats Otunga with it as Otunga runs. Orton picks up a present and chucks it at David’s head to knock him down.
They go up the stage and Otunga goes into the big tree. There’s an elevated DDT to the floor but Barrett runs out for the beatdown. It would have helped a lot had Orton not looked over his shoulder just before the DDT. The big boot he takes Orton down with gets two and Otunga’s time is measured in seconds. There’s the finishing sequence and the RKO ends this at 7:38.
Rating: C+. This was meant to be a totally fun match and that’s all it was ever supposed to be. Barrett running in even advances the storyline a bit and it helped things somewhat. I had a very good time with this but I’m a total Christmas geek so I’m about as biased as you can be here. Fun match and it worked all around.
Henry is getting taped up and Teddy comes in. Mark yells at him and says he’ll take his anger out on Bryan.
Battle Royal
There are twenty people in this and I’ll let you figure out who all is in it yourselves. I see Mahal, Slater, the Usos, Jackson, Sheamus, O’Neil, Watson, DiBiase, Hunico, Reks, Gabriel, Kidd and Horny. Sheamus is by far the biggest name in this. Hawkins and Young are in there. Young is out quickly as is I think Jey Uso. JTG is in this and as soon as I say this he’s eliminated. DiBiase and Gabriel try to get Hawkins out but can’t quite do it. Kofi and Yoshi Tatsu are in this and I think that’s everyone.
There goes Hawkins at the hands of Big Zeke. We get the showdown with Jackson and Sheamus with with pale One beating him down. Jackson sets for a big clotheline but Sheamus ducks to put him out. Johnny Curtis was the 20th guy in there and Sheamus puts him out easily. Kofi puts out the other Uso but Kidd dropkicks Kingston out seconds later.
Tatsu is gone and Kidd skins the cat and pulls out DiBiase at the same time. Horny slips out from the floor and pulls Kidd out. We take a break with about 8 people left. Back with eight people left: O’Neil, Hunico, Gabriel, Mahal, Reks, Sheamus, Slater and Horny. Gabriel tries to jump on the apron but Mahal knocks him to the floor. Clash of the Titus puts Reks down but he barks too much and Sheamus puts him out. Dang it I wanted him to wish for NXT to end.
Slater and Mahal jump Sheamus but he explodes and beats everyone down. Everyone goes to the floor through the ropes and beats Sheamus down. No one is in the ring at the moment. Ok so now everyone but Sheamus is in. It’s Mahal, Hunico, Slater and Reks. Mahal says we need to go find Horny. They all pick a side of the ring and dive under the ring. Mahal catches him and it’s 4-1. Slater shoves him down as does Hunico.
They all carefully stomp him but before the toss him Sheamus is back in. There goes Reks and Hucio is out as well. Mahal is out and a Brogue Kick puts Slater down. Ok so it’s Horny vs. Sheamus. Oh good grief. Horny says bring it on and Sheamus isn’t sure what to say. He tells Horny to get out but Horny tells him to get out. He kicks Sheamus in the shins but Sheamus grabs him by the beard and starts putting him out but Horny grabs the top rope. Sheamus gets on the apron and detatches him but Horny won’t get off the apron. Sheamus tries to talk to him and they hug, but Horny shoves him off for the win at 13:25.
Rating: C+. This was fun until the end, when it just got stupid. Why in the world would have put Horny over here for the sake of a comedy bit? Well at least this is for an obscure prize instead of something like a title shot so it could be a lot worse. Ok maybe not a lot worse but it could be worse.
Sheamus teases anger but smiles and Horny celebrates.
Ricardo hits on the Bellas at the party as Piper talks to Dusty. They’re talking about Cena and Dusty thinks it’s ridiculous to think the fans are going to get to Cena. Santa comes up and sits down for Horny to ask for his wish. There’s something about celery, Jonas Salk, Peter Falk and chalk. Foley has it wrong and it’s that Horny wants to TALK. They hug and Horny can speak. He goes around using his new powers and calls Vickie a grandma. Foley pops up in a Cactus Jack shirt and Santa is gone. Piper and Dream have no idea what’s going on and I don’t really want the answer.
AJ comes up to wish Bryan luck. Bryan tells Striker he’s ready.
The cage is lowered.
The Slammys are in two weeks.
Smackdown World Title: Mark Henry vs. Daniel Bryan
We even get big match intros. The winner gets Big Show at TLC. Bryan runs for the corner almost immediately. You can win by pin, submission or escape. Bryan keeps trying to run and avoid corners. He wisely goes for the bad leg so Henry throws him into the cage. He splashes Bryan against the wall and we take a break. Back with Henry still dominating. We get a clip from during the break with Henry pulling Bryan back and in essence sling shotting him into the cage.
Time for a nerve hold to waste some time. Bryan fires off a dropkick but Henry kills him with a clothesline. The leg is wearing out though as he kind of falls into the cover for two. Bryan wakes up and goes crazy on the ankle, getting Henry down on the mat and screaming in pain. Bryan climbs but Henry makes the catch, crotching Bryan on the ropes. Henry goes for the door but Bryan grabs the ankle again. Bryan fires off a dropkick to the knee and hooks the LeBell Lock but Henry powers out of it.
Off to an ankle lock and the place is really getting into this. Henry kicks Bryan off but he can’t get up to follow up on it. The challenger goes up but gets his tights partially pulled down. Now Henry goes up but Bryan follows him. He gets over the top but Henry grabs the arm and pulls him back in. There’s some good drama in this. Henry tries a powerbomb out of the corner but Bryan climbs over the top. Henry pulls him back in again and headbutts him into the World’s Strongest Slam from the top. And that takes care of Bryan at 11:15.
Rating: B. Good main event here and the drama towards the end was solid. I don’t think anyone had any realistic reason to believe that Bryan was going to win and they shouldn’t have. He’s a midcard guy getting his first chance in there with the big boys and he’s not ready for the title yet. Still though, very solid main event and Henry gets a win that he’s been lacking recently.
Overall Rating: A-. WWE is on a ROLL right now with their TV shows. Last night was great and tonight was as well. The idea that seems to work for them is to not linger on stuff too long and most importantly, not go back to things over and over again. This show was fine with all of its holiday themes and I liked it a lot. It could have been better, but if they were hoping to show that Smackdown can work live, they nailed it here. Good stuff again.
Results
Brie Bella won a Mistletoe On A Pole Match
Justin Gabriel b. Jinder Mahal – 450 Splash
Kofi Kingston b. Tyson Kidd – Top Rope Cross Body
Randy Orton b. David Otunga – RKO
Hornswoggle won a battle royal last eliminating Sheamus
Mark Henry b. Daniel Bryan – World’s Strongest Slam from the middle rope
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Monday Night Raw – August 12, 2013: The HHH Jokes Write Themselves
Monday Night Raw Date: August 12, 2013
Location: Sleeptrain Arena, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield
It’s the final show before Summerslam and things are finally in focus. The main story tonight is Punk getting a one on one shot with Heyman. As Punk said at Chicago Comic Con over the weekend, he’d be stupid to think Axel or Lesnar won’t get involved. Other than that we have a little bit of storytelling to go before we get to Sunday so let’s get to it.
No intro this week in a change of pace.
Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett
Brad Maddox is guest referee for no apparent reason. A quick dropkick puts Barrett down and Daniel goes after the leg. Bryan hooks a quick dragon screw leg whip before cannonballing down ion the legs a few times. Barrett is sent to the floor with a baseball slide but Bryan misses the running knee off the apron and gets caught with a big boot to the face. Back in and Bryan is knocked to the floor with ease and sent into the steps.
Back in the sequel sees Barrett have a chinlock quickly broken. Bryan speeds things up and hits the running clothesline before knocking Barrett to the floor again. There’s the FLYING GOAT followed by a missile dropkick. The hard kicks to the chest have Wade in trouble but he ducks a big one and rolls Bryan up for a fast count at 5:24.
Rating: C-. So we built up Bryan for MONTHS, only to have him lose via a fast count to WADE BARRETT six days before Summerslam? This seems like more WWE overbooking which continues to drive me crazy. We flat out do not need this addition to the Cena vs. Bryan match but I’m sure it’ll wind up being focused on the McMahons because that’s what matters at the end of the day.
Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow
Sandow ties his case to the post so Cody, on commentary here, can’t steal it. Damien grabs a quick headlock to start but gets dropped by an elbow to the jaw. Orton pounds down right hands in the corner and gets two off a snap suplex. A clothesline gets the same and we hit the chinlock. Nothing to see so far here. Damien comes back with a belly to back suplex but gets dropkicked off the apron as we take a break.
Back with Sandow escaping a superplex but charging into a boot in the corner. Orton goes back up top and positions himself so Sandow can shoves him out to the floor. Back in and we hit the chinlock followed by a knee to Orton’s ribs for two. There’s the Wind-Up Elbow for two more and we’re back in the chinlock.
Orton finally suplexes out of it and hits his clotheslines but Sandow avoids the powerslam and hits a running flip neckbreaker for a near fall. Orton sends him to the apron and hits the Elevated DDT but Sandow bails from the RKO. Damien sends him into the post for two and Cody goes after the briefcase, allowing for the RKO to connect for the pin at 13:45.
Rating: D+. STOP PUTTING THEM AGAINST EACH OTHER! My goodness this gets annoying to sit through as we have to wait for nearly 14 minutes until Sandow loses like he always does. Then a few months from now we’re supposed to buy him as a world champion because that’s what MITB does. The match wasn’t bad but it was just a waiting game until Sandow lost and there was never any doubt as to that being the finish. That’s why I can’t stand watching Damien matches: we’re just waiting for him to lose and there’s no point in watching anything else in the match.
There’s a battle royal for a US Title shot on Sunday.
Shield says they’re awesome and Ambrose will beat the winner of the battle royal on Sunday. He says he’s the best in the world and Cena just has a trophy. PLEASE let that be foreshadowing.
Video on Brock vs. Punk, the same one from Smackdown.
Punk says no one is afraid of Paul Heyman but Heyman is doing this for a reason. Paul hasn’t lost his mind or grown a set because it’s all a big chess game. The best is the best.
Natalya/Great Khali vs. Big E. Langston/AJ Lee
In an inset interview, Langston says no one has Dolph’s back now other than Kaitlyn and that’s not enough. The guys start but AJ wants to fight Khali. She slaps the big man but Natalya comes in to take over. Natalya drives AJ into the corner but gets rammed face first into the buckle to stop her cold. AJ hooks a cravate to no effect but a dropkick gets two. She shouts at Hornswoggle a lot but gets caught in the Sharpshooter as a result. Natalya starts letting go and AJ taps….but the referee doesn’t ring the bell. Natalya puts it on again and AJ taps at 3:45.
Rating: D. So horribly botched ending aside, this wasn’t much to see at all. The Khali/Horny/Natalya joke is done and wasn’t funny in the first place. I don’t get the point in having AJ tap here other than to set up a feud with Natalya for the title, even though her feud with Kaitlyn isn’t done yet.
Post match Langston goes after Horny but gets chopped down by Khali.
Here’s Vince McMahon to talk about what happened with Bryan vs. Barrett. He calls out Brad and asks him why he appointed himself guest referee. Brad says Bryan’s matches tend to get out of hands, so the fans would appreciate a referee capable of keeping things calm. The fast count wasn’t intentional and Maddox wants to be guest referee for Cena vs. Bryan at Summerslam. Vince asks if Brad would call it right down the line and Brad says of course he was. McMahon brings up all of insulting names you could call Bryan but Brad swears he won’t do it. Brad crosses his heart that he won’t cheat but here’s HHH to interrupt.
HHH thinks there should be a guest referee on Sunday to keep things calm and sane. However, it shouldn’t be Brad Maddox. The guest referee should of course be HHH himself. There’s a Pedigree to Maddox and Vince leaves before he has to get one himself. What this adds to the main event on Sunday isn’t clear but I’m sure Vince and HHH can explain it to us.
Video on Kane vs. Bray Wyatt so far.
Kane vs. Titus O’Neil
Kane slugs him down to start and takes Titus into the corner for more punishment. A side slam puts O’Neil down and the chokeslam is good for the pin at 1:51. Total squash.
Post match here are the Wyatts but when the lights come back on, Kane is on the stage. He lights the corners up and Bray drops to his knees and smiles.
The Bellas look at a clip of Eva Marie (from Total Divas) making fun of Natalya. They talk about how awesome they are when Natalya comes up. She challenges Brie to a match at Summerslam and here’s Eva Marie to respond to an insult. The Funkadactyls come in and we have a six Diva tag on Sunday. Joy.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston
Kofi takes over to start and pounds down right hands in the corner for two. He loads up the spinning cross body out of the corner but Del Rio knocks him into the Tree of Woe. The reverse superplex is good for two for Alberto and it’s off to a hard chinlock. Kofi comes back with a horrible looking dropkick and the Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise misses.
Del Rio gets two off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but gets caught in the SOS for two more. Another spin kick misses and Del Rio rolls to the floor, only to be cradled for two back inside. In an AWESOME counter, Del Rio catches the springboard cross body in a gutbuster. The cross armbreaker is good for the submission from Kofi at 6:10.
Rating: C+. This took awhile to get going but it picked WAY up at the end. Del Rio badly needed this win but at the same time his stock is way down after the losses last week. At least he beat Kofi, who is now 1-2 after his return from a few weeks ago. I’m sure he’ll be IC Champion in a few weeks.
Christian looks at a video of his career and says he’ll win on Sunday.
Colter and the Real Americans say they want to see California split off from America to make the country a better place.
Real Americans vs. Usos
Jey starts with Cesaro and the Usos look like they have taped up feet. Off to Swagger for a high/low for two on Jey before driving him into the corner. The Vader Bomb crushes Jey and Cesaro jumps over Jack’s shoulders for a double stomp, getting two. Jey comes back with some uppercuts but Swagger gets the tag before a sunset flip can cover Cesaro. Jack takes him down with a double chicken wing and it’s back to Cesaro.
There’s the standing chinlock but Jey takes him into the corner to break it up. Double tag brings in Jimmy to face Swagger as everything breaks down. The Usos hit stereo over the top rope dives to take the Real Americans out but Cesaro tries to break up the Superfly. The distraction is broken up and Jey makes a blind tag so he can roll up Swagger for the pin at 4:55.
Rating: C. Nice match here with the Usos continuing to look awesome. I’m still not sure why the Usos never got a title shot as they would be good transitional champions before dropping them to some strong team, ala Strike Force back in 1988. The match was entertaining though and that’s all it needed to be.
It’s time for MizTV with Cena and Bryan. Miz brings both guys down and Cena gets right to the point: he’s the WWE Champion and Bryan wants to be. Cena respects him and Bryan is going to put up a heck of a fight on Sunday. Miz tries to stir the pot by saying Cena is implying Bryan loses Sunday, but Bryan will have none of it. He goes after Cena for saying Bryan is going to lose and points out the fans booing Cena a lot of the time. Bryan talks about Cena being more style than substance and not being in this business for the wrestling.
Bryan says his shirt is a parody of Cena’s because Cena is a parody of wrestling. He doesn’t want to be a parody though but rather to be WWE Champion because it means he’s the best in the world. Cena takes off his shirt and is ready to go but stops himself. Cena says he’s out here for the same reason Bryan is out here: because they believe in Daniel Bryan. Bryan wants to be out here and prove that he believes in the fans as much as they believe in him.
That’s what WWE is about: picking your favorite wrestler and cheering them all the way to the end. Saying these are just shirts is like saying the American flag is just a cloth; it’s about what it means. Cena is loyal to the fans no matter what and he is not a parody. People have come here before and said Cena needs to go and Five Moves of Doom and all that jazz. Bryan may not be smart but he’s not deaf. Cena has shown up every day for the last twelve years and he’s out here every night for the fans and for the Make-A-Wish kids who say Never Give Up because Cena wears it on a t-shirt.
He’s proud of what he’s become: a man who has wrestled around the world for twelve years and has fought the biggest names in wrestling while holding the WWE Championship. So please think of him as a joke on Sunday because he’s beaten everyone who has thought of him like that: everyone from HHH to HBK to Orton to CM Punk to Rock. Bryan says he talks about those guys like they’re better than he is. Cena says Bryan is on his way but doesn’t belong there yet. If Bryan wants respect, earn it on Sunday. Bryan says that sums it up: Cena doesn’t respect him and isn’t treating him like a serious threat.
This is just another big title match for Cena but this is the biggest match of Bryan’s life. Bryan talks about a custom he learned in Japan: to fire someone up for a match they slap the other competitor in the face. He wishes he could do that to Cena but he can’t because Cena isn’t a wrestler and doesn’t deserve it. Cena says go ahead and slap him but slaps Bryan first. He says to slap him….but here’s HHH to kill the segment dead. Before he says anything, here’s Orton as well to hold up the case to end it. Great segment, stupid overbooking.
It’s time for a dance off between R-Truth and Fandango. Both guys dance and Fandango jumps Truth, only to be knocked to the floor where he pronounces his name. No match.
Heyman is getting ready but is having second thoughts about having the match.
Battle Royal
Rob Van Dam, Brodus Clay, Tensai, Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, Jinder Mahal, Ryback, Titus O’Neil, Jey Uso, Darren Young, Jimmy Uso, Antonio Cesaro, Justin Gabriel, Kofi Kingston, Great Khali, Jack Swagger, R-Truth, Wade Barrett, Mark Henry, Fandango
The winner gets a shot at Dean Ambrose and the US Title on Sunday’s preshow. I can’t tell who all is in there but Ryback throws out Gabriel and Young before running over Tensai for an elimination. Jimmy Uso is tossed by the Band as things slow down a lot. The fans chant for Sexual Chocolate as we have a lot of standing around doing nothing. Kofi nearly puts Mahal out as the match is dragging a lot. There’s almost nothing talk about in battle royals given how little happens most of the time.
R-Truth puts on Fandango but he comes back in and dumps R-Truth. Van Dam throws Fandango out and the ring is still way too full as we take a break. Back with far fewer people in the ring. The Real Americans put out Jey Uso before working on Mark Henry. We still have Kofi, Barrett, Ryback, Titus, RVD, the Real Americans and Henry. Van Dam clotheslines Titus out and we’re down to seven. Kofi is sent to the apron by Swagger but uses Cesaro to pull himself back in with a cool spot. Think of it as skinning the Cesaro. Not that it matters as Jack puts him out immediately thereafter.
RVD runs over the Real Americans with kick after kick but Ryback hits the Meat Hook to knock Rob out cold. The Real Americans pick up Henry but he shoves them away and knocks both guys out to get us to four. Henry picks up the pace and throws Barrett out. Rob is down but not out in the corner so the bulls go at it. Henry gets Ryback onto the apron where a kick from Ryback and a charge from Henry puts him out. Down to two and the fans go NUTS. Rob is crushed into the corner but comes back with a grea tkick. He goes up top but gets crotched to the apron, only to low bridge Henry out to win at 13:27.
Rating: C. This was more entertaining than mots battle royals but it still wasn’t all that great. Van Dam and Henry were the only real options in there so it was nice that the two of them were the last guys out there. Putting Ambrose over Van Dam on Sunday is a good rub for the champion, which is what Rob should be around for anymore. Nice stuff here in the real main event.
Post match Henry respects Van Dam….but here comes Shield. They surround the ring as Henry gets back in. Cue the returning Big Show to make the save. The camera cuts away from Rollins who clearly mouths “Oh Sh…..”. Shield bails, presumably setting up a tag match with the big guys vs. Show/Henry on Sunday.
Here’s Heyman for his fight with Punk. Heyman is in a shirt, vest and gloves. He’s in pants too if that wasn’t clear. Heyman says Punk’s fans are calling for their hero. He doesn’t blame Punk for what happened but rather all of the fans. Punk used to live for Heyman’s blessing but now he lives for the fans. Heyman admits this is a trap but he had a co-conspirator. He brings out Brock and shows him a video package of Lesnar’s history with Punk.
Here’s Heyman’s trap: he’ll fight Punk right here and now but it’s 2-1 instead of one on one. All Punk has to do is play the hero, which is the stupidest thing he could do. Punk has an option: either play the hero tonight or disappoint everyone in the arena here tonight. Cue Punk but instead he comes from behind and blasts Lesnar in the face with a TV camera. A HARD shot to the back has Lesnar in trouble and Heyman is panicking.
Punk hits a suicide dive to put Lesnar down before grabbing a chair. Punk appears to be limping a bit. A series of chair shots puts Lesnar down and it’s just Punk vs. Paul now. Heyman: “OH MY GOD!” Punk chases Lesnar to the back but has to stop an invading Curtis Axel. Punk rams him into the video screen and hits the GTS on the stage before staring down at Lesnar to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. This was a back and forth show all night. The earlier stuff really bored me but later on things picked WAY up as we started focusing on Sunday. HHH being added to the main event does NOTHING for me but it’s all about Vince vs. HHH at the end of the day so what are you supposed to expect? If you cut an hour or so off this show, it’s WAY better but that’s how WWE works today. Good stuff here, but I could easily see if different people see it completely differently.
Results
Wade Barrett b. Daniel Bryan – Rollup
Randy Orton b. Damien Sandow – RKO
Great Khali/Natalya b. AJ Lee/Big E. Langston – Sharpshooter to AJ
Kane b. Titus O’Neil – Chokeslam
Usos b. Real Americans – Rollup to Swagger
Rob Van Dam won a battle royal last eliminating Mark Henry
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Not A Great Comedy/Gimmick Match Idea
Watching Survivor Series 2001’s battle royal and this came to me:In the NWA/WCW, if you threw someone over the top rope it was an automatic DQ. In a battle royal, you had to throw someone over the top and out to the floor to eliminate them. What would happen in a battle royal where you could only be eliminated by throwing someone over the top rope for a DQ?
It could never happen you say? Well Russo came up with a battle royal where the idea was to get into the ring instead of staying out. Is this that much of a stretch?
Smackdown
Date: July 3, 2012
Location: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: Booker T, Josh Matthews, Michael Cole
It’s another live show here and in this case it’s the Great American Bash. The main event tonight is a 20 man battle royal with the winner getting to be GM next week on Friday. That’s up in the air and only offers a few interesting options, which means one of them is likely going to win. These shows are very hit and miss so hopefully this is the former of the two. Let’s get to it.
We open in the back with a big party. There are girls in small outfits, Hornswoggle in the tub and Teddy in a Kiss the GM apron. Eve is going to be the cleaning lady tonight. Santino is brought forward to light the barbecue to officially start things off. Teddy and Santino back off from lighting it as Kane is here. He lights the fire for them in a cute bit.
Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is having guests that are going to keep me from seeing Dark Knight Rises for another week.
Cole says he’s going to get inside AJ’s head tonight.
Here’s Del Rio to open the show. He’s going to talk about himself, namely his match at MITB with Sheamus. Sheamus is going to be sent back to Ireland because he’s just like all these people: a hooligan trying to take advantage of people like Del Rio. Alberto came here legally and is making money both here and in Mexico, unlike everyone here. He wants to send everyone here to the place where they belong, so he asks to see some people’s papers. One guy doesn’t have them so Alberto asks for security to take him out. The guy says this is Texas, not Arizona.
Cue Sheamus for the save and they brawl in the aisle. The champ throws Del Rio off the stage and into the barricade a few times. Ricardo keeps trying to help and eventually it allows Del Rio to kick Sheamus in the head. Ricardo opens the hood and Del Rio slams it down onto Sheamus’ back over and over.
Post break we look at most of the attack all over again. Sheamus is taken out and has some blood coming down his head.
Great Khali/Layla vs. Aksana/Antonio Cesaro
This is punishment from Teddy because he’s a sore loser. The guys start and it’s time for a chop in the corner to Cesaro. Khali misses a big boot and Antonio takes him down in the corner. Khali throws him aruond some more and it’s off to the girls. Layla isn’t exactly Trish or Lita but she’s by far the better in ring worker of the two here. Cesaro breaks up a cover and is thrown to the floor. Layout gets the pin at 1:45, and that means Layla pinned Aksana in case you can’t figure out that LAYla uses the LAYout and you can’t check the results below if you’re not sure.
Cody brags about having another qualifying match later tonight but Teddy informs him that it’s against Christian. Cody isn’t happy.
Raw Moment: Foley wins the title. They spend about as much time talking about WCW spoiling it and 600,000 people changing the channel than about the title change itself.
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Cody Rhodes vs. Christian
Non-title. The idea is that Cody has never beaten Christian so he’s in over his head here. Cody sends him to the apron and hits a Disaster Kick for two. Rhodes looks at the case a lot and we take a break. Back with Cody holding a hammerlock before hitting a release gordbuster for two. Christian comes back with a middle rope missile dropkick and gets fired up.
He slingshots to the floor and uppercuts Cody followed by a running seated dropkick. Top rope cross body gets two for the champ. Cody’s Alabama Slam is countered into a sunset flip for two. He goes to unhook the buckle but Christian grabs him with a reverse DDT for two. The spear is countered but Cody misses the Disaster Kick. Killswitch is countered into the Cross Rhodes for the completely clean pin at 9:12.
Rating: C+. Well that was kind of anti-climactic. Naturally there was NO ONE that Cody could beat other than Christian to qualify right? I mean, there was no one else that could job out there other than a champion. The match was good but it makes the title look weak again which they had been changing for awhile.
Backstage Ryder starts a dance party after Slater is run off. Brodus takes center stage.
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Dolph Ziggler vs. Alex Riley
Riley immediately hits a great dropkick for a fast two. Ziggler DDTs him down for a fast two and takes over. Riley makes a fast comeback with a clothesline in the corner and a spinebuster for two. The crowd continues to be into Riley which is interesting. Inverted DDT is countered but Ziggler’s Stinger Splash misses, giving Riley a rollup for a close two. Zig Zag gets the pin at 2:28.
Cole is in the ring to interview AJ. That theme song of hers’ is catchy. Cole says he’s fair and balanced, unlike AJ who is clearly unbalanced. We get a long video recapping everything AJ did last night. Cole cuts her off and says AJ wasn’t thinking. He calls her a teenager (she’s 25) and asks if she’s ever thought about pursuing a real man. One with power and influence and a former war correspondent who became the voice of the WWE.
Cue Bryan before this gets too weird. He calls Cole a sexist and says AJ didn’t mean for him to go through a table last night. It was all a misunderstanding. Cue Punk who angrily throws Cole out. He says AJ did something last night that directly affected both Bryan and himself last night. Punk isn’t going to pretend it didn’t happen just because AJ is guest referee. She’s not in a good place mentally and maybe some of that is Punk’s fault. Punk says AJ needs professional help but Bryan cuts him off.
Bryan says that Punk is trying to be tricky because AJ is the guest referee. The only thing Punk cares about is having AJ as guest referee because he needs her to retain the title. AJ kisses Bryan for awhile and Punk shakes his head and leaves. She goes after him and kisses him too. Bryan looks stunned and Punk looks confused. AJ skips off and does a YES chant on the stage.
Santino Marella/Sgt. Slaughter/Jim Duggan vs. Hunico/Camacho/Drew McIntyre
Camacho and Slaughter start things off and it’s quickly off to Santino. He gets in trouble in the evil dirty foreign corner and Drew pounds away a bit. A slam is countered and it’s hot tag to Duggan. There’s the Three Point Clothesline but everything breaks down. The ring is mostly cleared and the Cobra gets the pin on Hunico at 2:25.
Back to the party where Little Jimmy is jumping up and down. Sandow comes in and unplugs the cord. He says this isn’t what our founding fathers fought for. Ryder gets in his face but Sandow has a speech ready. A fight breaks out with the people chanting Ryder. Zach gets the punch bowl but it goes onto Eve. Everyone laughs at her and it’s time to keep dancing.
Hawkins and Reks both think they can beat Ryback but Hawkins won the coin toss and gets to face him.
Ryback vs. Curt Hawkins
Hawkins tries a sleeper but gets caught in the Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder. Ryback slams his head into the mat and hits an overhead choke suplex. Hawkins gets his head taken off by a clothesline and the Shell Shock gets the pin at 1:08.
Sheamus is out of the battle royal tonight.
Raw Moment: Vince Appreciation Night. Donald Trump made it rain money.
Here’s Teddy to thank the fans for letting him be the GM this week.
Battle Royal
Alberto Del Rio, Kane, Jack Swagger, John Cena, Heath Slater, Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, Big Show, Great Khali, Brodus Clay, Damien Sandow, Tensai, Ezekiel Jackson, Justin Gabriel, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, Zach Ryder, Santino Marella, Cody Rhodes, Christian
Only the big names get entrances as per usual. At the moment I’m probably missing some names but i’ll fill them in as we go. Show throws out Justin and Brodus quickly. A bunch of people team up to throw out Khali. I’m missing one guy but I’m not sure if Sheamus was replaced or now. Ryder knocks out Sandow and Cody throws out Santino. Oh Christian is #20. Show shoves out Kofi and Cody as we take a break.
Back with ten guys to go as Bryan and Punk slug it out. Bryan stands in front of the ropes and Punk charges at him, eliminating both guys. Ok so we have Kane, Ziggler, Cena, Christian, Del Rio, Tensai, Ryder and Big Show to go. Big Show chokeslams Cena but Kane chokeslams Big Show. Tensai goes after Kane and pounds him into the corner. Cena erupts and beats up everyone before tossing Del Rio. Kane takes an AA but Tensai slows Cena down.
Christian and Ryder work on Big Show but that gets them nowhere. Cena dumps Tensai but Show dumps Cena immediately thereafter. So it’s Big Show, Ryder, Christian, Ziggler and Kane. Show spears Ryder down and easily tosses out Christian to get us down to four. Ziggler puts Show in the sleeper but Kane kicks Show in the head to put them both out.
It’s Ryder vs. Kane now which isn’t the pairing I was expecting. Kane pounds him down but runs into the corner knees and the Broski Boot. Ryder tries the Rough Ryder because he’s not that bright, but he escapes the chokeslams and low bridges Kane for the elimination and the win at 10:50.
Rating: C+. Why not? Seriously, why not? You can’t say this was predictable and it was pretty fun at the same time. Ryder has nothing to do and it’s good to give him a featured spot on next week’s show. This is probably Ryder’s second biggest win ever and maybe it’ll be the start of a new push for him. Nothing special here but I had a good time with it.
Overall Rating: C+. This is one of those shows that’s more based around fun than quality. That’s ok but I’d kind of like to see something that actually matters on Smackdown once in awhile. This felt like any other episode and the live aspect didn’t really change anything other than the day it was airing on. As for the American aspect of it, there was almost nothing here other than some standard comedy bits and Duggan/Slaughter’s required appearances. Nothing to see here but it was nothing particularly bad so we’ll go with a little above average.
