Wrestlemania XXXIII
Date: April 2, 2017
Location: Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 75,245
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

This hasn’t been quite a year yet but I have a feeling it’s going to be a very long night. Like a few years before, I was in the stadium for this show but haven’t seen it since I reviewed it last year. This is a show that was well received at the time and it could be interesting to see how it holds up a year later. Let’s get to it.

The set is one of the most intricate they’ve ever done, with a big Wrestlemania globe (ala Universal Studios) and a roller coaster next to it (I think you get this). There’s also an inflatable ring atop the structure above the regular ring, which I somehow didn’t notice until about an hour and a half of being in the stadium). The theme was the Ultimate Thrill Ride and the visual certainly works. It’s really cool looking and worked very well. Unfortunately the stadium isn’t the best looking in the world and it made the whole thing feel a bit out of place. Oh and the CRAZY LONG RAMP, which is something like seventy yards long.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Austin Aries vs. Neville

Aries is challenging after Neville has dominated the division for months and needs someone fresh to challenge him. The fans are behind Aries, which isn’t that surprising though Neville was nothing short (ok he was always short) of awesome at this point. Aries takes him down with an armbar but Neville is right back out with a headscissors. Back up and Neville has to bail to the floor so Aries has a rest on the top rope. I know it’s a Shawn Michaels spot but Aries sells the heck out of it.

Neville comes back in and eats a basement dropkick, followed by the middle rope elbow to the back for two. The suicide dive is blocked with a kick to the head though as the back and forth continues. A missile dropkick gives Neville two and we take a break. Back with Neville holding a chinlock (They even do it on the Kickoff Shows!) but taking WAY too long to glare at the crowd before trying a middle rope Phoenix splash (makes sense given his King thing).

One heck of a backdrop puts Neville on the floor and Aries is right back after him with the suicide dive. You can hear the fans getting back into this and that’s a good result from these two. The main reason to put something like this on is to get the fans fired up for the real show and it’s a great place to put them in.

They come back in with Aries blocking the superplex and nailing his own missile dropkick (looked awesome too) for a near fall. A snap German suplex plants Aries though and Neville takes over again. Another suplex gets another two and Neville is starting to look annoyed. With the technical stuff not working, Neville just kicks him in the face in the corner.

Aries is fine enough to reverse the Rings of Saturn attempt into a rollup and now the Discus knocks Neville hard to the floor. Back in and Aries hits a top hurricanrana and the 450 (with a really annoying crowd reaction shot) gets two. The Last Chancery goes on but Neville rips at the eye (which was recently reconstructed) to break the hold. Aries is writhing in pain and it’s the Red Arrow to retain the title at 15:40.

Rating: B. I remember hearing that this would be on the Kickoff Show and being very relieved as I didn’t think the main show would allow it nearly the amount of time that it needed and deserved. I’m glad to see that I was right here as they had a heck of a chess match here with both guys getting in everything they could and showing how back and forth the whole thing was. Neville cheating to win in the end fit him well, as he finally had someone who could match him and had to take a shortcut. Really good stuff here as Neville continues his unbelievable roll.

If the pay per view started here, it would have been a perfect Kickoff Show. But nah, we need two more matches.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Killian Dain, Sin Cara, Luke Harper, Kalisto, Sami Zayn, R-Truth, Chad Gable, Konnor, Braun Strowman, Curt Hawkins, Apollo Crews, Titus O’Neil, Curtis Axel, Goldust, Jimmy Uso, Jinder Mahal, Big Show, Simon Gotch, Aiden English, Tyler Breeze, Heath Slater, Epico, Bo Dallas, Fandango, Big Show, Rhyno, Primo, Viktor, Jason Jordan, Tian Bing, Jey Uso, Dolph Ziggler, Mark Henry

Rob Gronkowski, a friend of Mojo Rawley, is in the front row. Big Show’s music plays everyone but Braun Strowman to the ring. Braun tosses Primo two seconds into the match as the ring needs some serious cleaning out. Kalisto and Simon Gotch are tossed as well and Strowman eliminates Slater. Jimmy Uso and Goldust follow them out as they’re not wasting time here.

There goes Konnor but it’s time for the Show vs. Strowman showdown. Everyone stops to watch but Sami jumps Braun due to reasons of general stupidity. That goes nowhere so it’s Strowman dumping Show. Everyone goes after Strowman but he gets rid of Viktor in the process. Strowman is eliminated, making him look like a loser/afterthought in the process (oh….just wait). Hawkins is out and Ziggler gets to do his usual false hope spot. We get into the required “everyone hits everyone but doesn’t really try to win” portion as things slow down.

Ziggler low bridges Truth out as I manage to remember that Truth is employed. There goes Rhyno and Ziggler is thrown over the top, only to hang on again. There goes English, followed by American Alpha dropkicking English out. Jey Uso and Jason Jordan are tossed, followed by Chad Gable as the ring is really thinning out. Tian Bing gets rid of Fandango and Breeze, followed by Henry eliminating Sin Cara (in some sweet Wrestlemania gear). Henry is out next as there’s nothing between these eliminations.

Ziggler superkicks Bing out and that’s about it for Tian’s career accomplishments to date. Sami’s Helluva Kick gets rid of Epico and we’re down to nine. It’s been too long since Ziggler was nearly eliminated so Harper chokes him on the apron this time around. Mojo dumps Bo and Mahal eliminates Crews, followed by Rawley tossing Ziggler. Harper is out next and we’re down to Mojo, Jinder, Titus, Dain and Zayn.

A running clothesline gets rid of Titus but Dain eliminates Sami, completely sucking the life out of the crowd. Why you ask? Well we’re left with Dain, Rawley and Mahal. How excited would you be? Jinder gets clotheslined down and we get a Dain vs. Mojo showdown. A Pounce drops Dain but Jinder pulls Mojo through the ropes and out to the floor. Jinder follows him out and sends Rawley into the barricade, right in front of Gronkowski.

That means a drink going into Gronkowski’s face and here he comes over the barricade. This gives us the funniest part of the show as a security guard runs over to stop him, only to have a ringside guy tap her on the arm as some referees come over and allow Gronkowski to get in. Gronkowski runs Mahal over (your future WWE Champion everyone) and Mojo’s running right hands get rid of Dain. Another running punch to Mahal gives Rawley the win at 14:09.

Rating: D-. And this just LAUNCHED Mojo to the moon right? I know the idea here was to get Gronkowski involved (possibly as a substitute for Shaquille O’Neal) but Sami Zayn was RIGHT THERE to get the big win but nah, let’s go with the nothing guy winning the match. This wasn’t the best result for the battle royal but at least they were trying with Rawley, who took the time to talk to an entire group of fans when I saw him walking through Axxess that same weekend. Hopefully he gets somewhere in the future. The rest of the match was terrible with everyone being thrown out in short order and a bad ending.

Kickoff Show: Intercontinental Title: Baron Corbin vs. Dean Ambrose

Ambrose is defending and I have no idea why this was on the Kickoff Show. Corbin crushed Ambrose underneath a forklift to set this up, giving us the hilarious visual of the referees trying to LIFT IT UP despite the key being in the ignition. They waste no time in fighting to the floor with Dean getting the better of it and heading back inside.

That earns him a hard whip to send Ambrose’s ribs into the post and give Corbin a nice big target. Or 24 of them in this case. A choke shove puts Dean down for two and Baron whips him into the barricade for good measure. We hit the chinlock for a few moments before Dean avoids a charge to send Corbin shoulder first into the post. Corbin avoids the top rope elbow and blocks Dirty Deeds for good measure. That earns him a trip to the floor but Baron knocks him out of the air on a slingshot dive.

The top rope elbow puts Corbin down again though and Dean gets two off a swinging neckbreaker. These two aren’t exactly clicking so far. Deep Six gives Corbin two and works on the ribs a bit more. The Rebound Lariat runs Baron over again but he’s right back with a powerbomb to stay on the ribs. That’s about it for Corbin though as Dean jumps up and hits Dirty Deeds to retain at 10:44.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling this one but the bigger issue was with the ending, as Baron winning the title would have made the most sense. Making it even worse was the fact that Baron won a street fight non-title rematch two days later but none of that matters as the Superstar Shakeup changed everything a week later. The match was nothing to see either as they didn’t go into the brawl that would have suited them best.

And now on the main show, which is FIVE HOURS AND TEN MINUTES LONG. Sweet goodness and they wonder why it’s hard to make new fans.

Tinashe, who looks like a low rent Beyonce (still very attractive though with a great voice) sings America the Beautiful. This includes the Air Force flyover, which will nearly knock you off your feet.

The opening video is about how everyone wants to come here, either as a fan or as a wrestler. This is the biggest show of the year and it is the ultimate thrill ride. The video turns into a roller coaster, starting with some historic moments and going into clips of wrestlers on tonight’s show. It’s continuing the theme and that’s a good thing when so many of these shows only have a loose theme at best. Ignore the fans cheering for Miz and AJ Styles and booing the heck out of Roman Reigns of course.

Here are your hosts for the evening: the New Day, in Final Fantasy inspired gear, with Kofi riding in on their bicycle powered ice cream cart. I still have one major question: HOW DID THEY NOT HAVE ICE CREAM FOR SALE??? They teased that for weeks and NOTHING. I was looking forward to it but for some reason it just never happened. After some dancing and gyrating, Xavier says there were a lot of options to host the show. Fans: “WOO!” It was your boys the NEW DAY who got the call though and they get to tell us about all the action that we’ll be seeing tonight.

It’s time to officially pulls their levers (making Kofi and Xavier cringe) and Big E. starts sending the smiling glances over to Woods as he freaks out. This was just after the sex tape fiasco, which was hinted at but never mentioned on WWE TV. In other words, this was a nice little inside joke for the fans while not giving away anything that would be un-PG. Well done and the way this needed to be handled. New Day’s level of rock is confirmed and that’s it, wrapping up this year’s installment of an unnecessary addition to the Wrestlemania card.

We recap AJ Styles babysitting Shane McMahon. AJ lost the Smackdown World Title to John Cena at the Royal Rumble and Daniel Bryan/Shane put him in the Elimination Chamber instead of giving him a one on one rematch for the title. That’s not cool with AJ, so he beat up Shane to set up this year’s “Shane can totally wrestle if you give him one of the best performers in the world” match. They’ve attacked each other a few times each since with Shane’s punches somehow getting a little worse since last year.

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Shane’s kids are at ringside because what would Wrestlemania be without them? AJ isn’t interested in throwing punches so a quick standing switch sends Shane into the ropes. A headlock and snapmare have Shane down as AJ is toying with him to start. Shane gets in some armdrags and takes Styles down for a rollup, giving us some frustration to send AJ outside.

Back in and AJ punches him in the face as it turns into a boxing match. You know you don’t have to ask Shane to do that twice so we let the suck fly, followed by an elbow to AJ’s face. One heck of a baseball slide sends Shane over the announcers’ table as control goes hard to Styles. Back in and a knee drop rocks Shane again but of course he can shake off the Phenomenal Blitz.

The Phenomenal Forearm is broken up and Shane starts his dance that was stupid back in the 90s so today it’s awesome (like everything in the Attitude Era). An Angle Slam gets two on AJ but he’s right back with the Calf Crusher. Shane reverses into a rear naked choke, a cross armbreaker and something like the Rings of Saturn. He trains MMA you see. AJ shrugs them off and drops Shane again but the springboard 450 is countered into a triangle choke. That’s reversed into a one armed Styles Clash, and of course Shane is up at two.

They slug it out and the fans are entirely behind AJ, even more than you might have expected them to be. I know he’s going to be the favorite coming in but this star treatment of Shane is making it even worse. The ref gets bumped (well duh) and it’s trashcan time. AJ loads up his own Coast to Coast but Shane throws the can at him (with AJ having to pull up on the dive, making it look horrible). Phillips: “AJ has stepped into Shane’s world now!” You mean high flying wrestling?

Shane’s Coast to Coast gets two and it’s time to load up the announcers’ table. The big elbow misses but of course Shane is fine enough to counter the Phenomenal Forearm into a Maiavia Hurricane. That’s not enough from Shane though as he gets to try the shooting star, which only hits mat. The Phenomenal Forearm connects to finally put Shane away at 20:31.

Rating: B. Well that was Shane, with some Shane on the side and then more Shane to wrap it up. AJ looked awesome but that’s all he supposed to be. This was all about Shane getting to counter and hang with AJ, which doesn’t do Styles any good. A 40+ year old who doesn’t wrestle shouldn’t be hanging with a guy who was World Champion less than three months ago. But hey, Shane, right?

James Ellsworth is having issues working out so Ric Flair comes in to give him a Snickers. Then Ellsworth becomes Charlotte. Uh, yeah.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens. Their friendship had been having some issues of late so Jericho put together the Festival of Friendship, an over the top celebration of all things Owens and Jericho. At the end of it, Owens turns on Jericho and beat the heck out of him. Jericho came back and cost him the Universal Title at Fastlane so Owens is coming for Jericho’s Universal Title. The question became could Owens win without Jericho and now we get the chance to find out.

US Title: Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is challenging. Jericho’s entrance brings back the countdown for a nice touch. Throw in the light up scarf and a big List of Jericho on the stage and this is advantage Chris. They slug it out to start with the Walls going on less than thirty seconds in. That sends Owens bailing to the floor and a top rope forearm to the head drops Owens back inside. Owens kicks him in the face and hammers away to take over.

We hit the chinlock, with some horribly obvious spot calling, followed by the backsplash for two. They head outside for the third time with Jericho backdropping his way out of the apron powerbomb. Jericho chops away and gets two off a super hurricanrana but gets clotheslined down. The frog splash misses, the Lionsault hits knees, and the Swanton hits knees as well to give us a slow down stretch.

Now the Lionsault connects for a delayed two but Owens gets in his own Walls of Jericho. A rope is grabbed so Owens tries the Cannonball, only to be reversed into the Walls. Kevin grabs the rope for the break and is right back with the Pop Up Powerbomb for two. Another Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into the Codebreaker but Owens touches the rope with one finger for the save. That’s a sweet heel touch. Owens rolls outside and superkicks the knee, setting up the apron powerbomb to give him the pin and the title at 16:46.

Rating: C+. Not bad but they never cranked up the violence that you would have expected after seeing the Festival of Friendship. These two should have been ready to destroy each other and instead it’s just a match with Owens working the ribs and looking for a powerbomb. They accomplished the goal of making Owens look like he can win on his own, but this isn’t the way they should have gone about it.

We recap the Raw Women’s Title match. Charlotte and Sasha Banks had raised the women’s division to entirely new levels and Charlotte needed a new challenger. Enter Bayley, who won the title on Raw in a big surprise, completely defeating the purpose of her character and leaving her with nothing to do. This problem would plague her for the next year and still does to this day. Nia Jax was added to the other three because you need to have as many people in Wrestlemania matches as possible.

Raw Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax vs. Bayley

Bayley is defending under elimination rules. The tube men are at ringside for a special change of pace. Sasha rides in on the back of a chauffeured car because that’s what Sasha does. Charlotte gets a crazy amount of pyro, making her look even more like a star than usual. Everyone goes after Nia to start but she wrecks them in increasingly short order. A Banzai Drop crushes Bayley and Nia throws Charlotte off the apron onto both Bayley and Sasha. There’s something about people being thrown around like weapons.

All three get together to go after Nia with Sasha wisely grabbing the leg to keep her in place. Charlotte boots Nia in the face for a double German suplex for two in a painful looking crash. Nia is back up and tries a second Banzai, only to get TripleBombed out of the corner for the elimination at 4:08.

As usual, Nia chokes in the big match because that’s just how she rolls. Charlotte pulls Bayley to the floor and it’s Sasha hitting a flip dive to take the champ down. As you might expect, it’s the corkscrew moonsault from the top to take Bayley and Sasha down again in a huge crash.

Back in and Natural Selection is countered into a failed Bank Statement attempt. Instead Charlotte gets two off a backbreaker and rips off a turnbuckle pad in frustration. Sasha’s top rope double knees are good for two of her own and the Bank Statement goes on. Sasha goes with a rollup and the kickout sends her face first into the buckle for the elimination at 8:10.

Bayley comes back in and gets her knee rammed into the exposed buckle. The moonsault, with the wind blowing Charlotte’s hair around, only hits mat to give Bayley a near fall. Charlotte is fine enough to go after the knee and grab the Figure Eight. Bayley gets to the rope so Charlotte takes her into the Tree of Woe, only to get backdropped from the top in a big crash. The big elbow is enough to retain the title at 12:04.

Rating: D. Why can’t they get these big matches right? This was completely backwards with Nia being thrown in there at the last minute and lasting all of four minutes. Then it’s Bayley not really overcoming the odds and just pinning Charlotte after shrugging off some of the offense. It’s not some come from behind win or a big moment, but really just a match where Charlotte happened to lose.

Video on the Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Hearing Jim Cornette’s voice in WWE is just wrong.

Diamond Dallas Page. Nice reaction and WELL deserved just for his stuff with Hall and Roberts alone.

Rock N Roll Express. WAY overdue.

Rick Rude. See the Rock N Roll Express.

Teddy Long. I defy you to not smile at this.

Eric LeGrand. Warrior Award and that’s fine.

Beth Phoenix. Fine enough if a female entrant is required.

Kurt Angle. Yep. Moving on.

Support the Boys and Girls Club! Fair request actually.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

No real story here as this is they’ve just been feuding and it’s time for a title match. Anderson and Gallows are defending and this is a ladder match because we have to have one. Enzo and Cass’ speech is short this time as they say they’re climbing every rung to win the titles. We’re ready to go….and here’s New Day. Yeah remember them?

Anyway they’re in wrestling gear here but first, an announcement. This is now a FATAL FOUR WAY with one more team to be added. That would be the HARDY BOYZ, making a shocking return and giving us a legitimate Wrestlemania moment. Before the music hit, I stood up and said “they wouldn’t”, which was aided as I couldn’t see that New Day was in ring gear. Amazing moment here and the twenty six million YouTube views suggest that it’s quite the popular idea. Cole says thinks are about to be BROKEN and Matt does the DELETE pose.

It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) and the Hardys waste no time with Poetry in Motion to Gallows. Enzo and Cass are taken down as well as the fans are entire enamored with the Hardys all over again. A Whisper in the Wind takes both Sheamus and Cesaro down and it’s time for the first ladder. Jeff goes up but it’s Gallows making a pretty easy save. Cesaro comes back in and climbs onto Gallows’ shoulders for a double stomp onto Anderson’s ribs. Well that worked.

This time it’s Enzo and Cass coming in, just to make sure that everyone gets their turn in you see. That goes nowhere so the Hardys bridge the ladders between the ring and the apron but Cesaro and Sheamus slam them together. With a little too much Sheamus on offense, Cass launches Enzo over the ladders like a cannonball to take him down.

Back in and Sheamus hits the ten forearms to Gallows while Cesaro Swings Anderson. Despite what Cole thinks, that’s not exactly working together. We hear about the Tag Team Titles not changing hands at Wrestlemania in SIXTEEN YEARS (that’s inexcusable) until Sheamus Brogue Kicks the heck out of Cass. Enzo shoves the ladder over to drop Gallows and Sheamus and goes up, sending Graves into hysterics over the horrible possibilities.

Sheamus and Gallows come back in for the save but don’t bother to knock him off the ladder. Instead it’s Anderson climbing the ladder and knocking Cesaro into the ladder. There’s a Magic Killer to Cesaro but Matt hits them both with a Twist of Fate, including a big one off of the ladder to Anderson. Jeff hits the required Swanton off the ladder to drive Cesaro through a bridged ladder, leaving Matt to pull the titles down at 11:05.

Rating: C+. There’s only so much you can get out of a ladder match like this with almost nothing to it other than the big Hardys return. That being said, they absolutely got the ending right as there was no other way to go here. Enzo and Cass weren’t going to work after something as special as the Hardys showing up so don’t even try. There wasn’t much to this in the way of high spots either, but this was ALL about Matt and Jeff, as it should have been.

Jimmy Fallon is here.

We recap the Miz/Maryse vs. John Cena/Nikki Bella, which is mostly about Nikki and Cena teaming together for the first time ever. The idea is that Cena won’t marry Nikki so Miz and Maryse are better, meaning we’re just waiting on Cena to pop the question here. In the show stealing moment of the year though, Miz and Maryse did some parody videos of Cena and Nikki and Total Divas/Bellas, giving us some of the funniest things WWE has ever done.

They nailed the ridiculous nature of the shows to perfection and made Miz look like the guy who should be ready to break through every ceiling above her. Oh and Maryse as Nikki Bella: sweet GOODNESS that worked on about a million levels. Finally though, a year later with Miz and Maryse now as parents, Cena’s jokes about Miz “firing blanks” are pretty much dead.

Jerry Lawler is on commentary.

Nikki Bella/John Cena vs. Maryse/The Miz

Al Roker is guest ring announcer for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than having a celebrity appearance. This is Maryse’s first match nearly six years and she doesn’t look like she’s lost a step. Cena and Nikki run down the ramp and we see a wide shot for a cool visual. Cena’s mom is in the front row and he seems shocked to see her, which would be a heck of a surprise.

The women start and there’s no contact for a minute so let’s bring in the guys instead. Miz poses on the ropes and then bails to the floor to start a chase. Back in and Miz finally stomps away as we finally make contact nearly two minutes in. Maryse gets in a poke to the eye so Miz can fire off a left hand. Cena and Nikki have had no offense so far. The fans are very pleased with Miz’s beating of Cena, mainly because they realize how awesome those Total Bellas parodies were.

Miz misses the running clothesline in the corner but Maryse breaks up the hot tag attempt by pulling Nikki off the apron. A DDT gives Miz two and he slowly does Daniel Bryan’s pose (How amazing is it that the match could ACTUALLY HAPPEN?). The YES Kicks keep Cena rocked but Miz makes the mistake of telling Nikki that she can’t see him.

A big slap puts Miz on the floor and a diving tag brings in Nikki. Some bad forearms to Maryse’s arms (Shane could do better than that) don’t do much damage so Nikki runs Miz over instead. Back in and Nikki’s big forearm sets up stereo Five Knuckle Shuffles. The AA and a Rack Attack 2.0 give us a double pin at 9:38.

Rating: D-. What in the world was that? Miz beat Cena up for about eight minutes and then it was hot tag Nikki to put the villains away Hogan style. After all the work and amazing promos, this is Miz’s Wrestlemania reward. I’m so glad this is what they went with instead of Cena vs. Undertaker, which was likely possible at this show. But hey, Total Divas and Total Bellas got a plot out of it.

Post match Cena says this is what Nikki wanted when she was rehabbing her neck. He tells a downright creepy story about Nikki being groggy before going inf or surgery. Apparently Cena asked if Nikki knew he would marry her one day. She said yes, and today is that day. Cena proposes and we get the big moment as she says yes. I’m SO glad this is what Cena, in the final few years that he has in WWE, is spending one of them doing this. It’s a sweet moment, but my goodness do this on Total Bellas where the fans want to see it.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. HHH, in another dumb story. So Rollins was HHH’s big ace in the hole a few years back and everything was all evil and great. Then Rollins tore his ACL and had to vacate the World Title, which HHH took as not being good enough to be the top guy. Let me repeat that: HHH said that leg issues were signs that someone wasn’t good enough to be the man in WWE. HHH then cost the returning Rollins the title to turn him face but now it’s time for revenge with a fired up Rollins wanting to burn the place down to destroy HHH.

Seth Rollins vs. HHH

Anything goes and, as usual, HHH gets the coolest entrance of the night with a big motorcycle and a police escort, plus Stephanie as a CRAZY HOT biker chick. Seriously, I know she can be irritating but she can rock the heck out of some leather pants. He gets the biggest entrance every year and it takes up a bunch of the spotlight but I can live with it if she’s in outfits like that.

Rollins’ entrance involves holding up a torch and touching it to the ground, sending digital flames down the ramp. I get the burn it down thing but it’s rather lame, along with coming after the really cool entrance. Well done again HHH, as he continues to be smarter than most wrestlers today.

They waste no time in slugging it out with Rollins getting the better of it (therefore I must remind you: HHH once won a slugout with modern day Brock Lesnar) to knock HHH outside. A dragon screw legwhip takes Rollins down by the knee that wasn’t hurt in the first place. Rollins shrugs it off and punches him away, followed by an enziguri back inside. The suicide dive sends HHH into the barricade and it’s already time for the announcers’ table. As usual, Rollins tries a Pedigree onto the table but gets countered with a DDT which doesn’t break the table.

HHH cranks up the violence with a chair to the knee before bridging Rollins’ knee between the ring and the table so he can drive his own knee into Rollins’. Back in and the slow knee work continues, because that’s how HHH loves to work on a show this big. Rollins tries the sunset bomb but hurts his knee all over again. It’s fine enough to hit the Buckle Bomb and a hard whip sends HHH over the corner to the floor. With HHH staggered, Rollins goes up top (Graves: “He’s screwed if he hits this or not.”) and scores with a high crossbody to the floor.

Since it’s an anything goes match, Rollins loads up a pair of chairs and a table on the floor instead of just bashing HHH with the chair. A frog splash to the back keeps HHH down but he kicks the knee out to cut Rollins off again. HHH takes forever to get up top though and gets a chair pelted at his head, setting up the superplex into the Falcon Arrow for two. You know, on the bad knee.

Stephanie breaks up the Phoenix Splash by pulling the knee onto the ropes and we hit a reverse Figure Four. That’s reversed into a Gargano Escape of all things but HHH goes smart by punching him in the knee. The reverse Figure Four goes on outside so Rollins reaches underneath the ring to find weapons. Naturally this includes the sledgehammer but HHH lets the hold go.

Back in and Rollins’ knee is fine enough for a low superkick to the face, followed by an enziguri to really hammer the point home. Stephanie takes the hammer away from Rollins though and a Pedigree gives HHH two. The fans barely even reacted to that one and I can’t say I blame them.

HHH channels his inner CM Punk and loads up a super Pedigree but gets backdropped down (already done by Bayley earlier). Now the Phoenix Splash gets two but neither can hit a Pedigree. Instead HHH hits him in the knee but walks into a superkick, which knocks Stephanie off the apron and through a table. That wakes the fans WAY up just in time for the Pedigree to give Rollins the pin at 25:25.

Rating: B-. This is an interesting one I was bored out of my mind watching it live but it flies by watching it back. That being said, the constant knee work got very dull, especially when it wasn’t even Rollins’ bad knee. As usual, the Stephanie bump got by far the strongest reaction of the night because it’s something you don’t see very often. It’s not a bad match at all but you EASILY could have chopped off ten minutes and no one would have missed a thing.

Pitbull performs the theme song and eats up way too much time.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt for the Smackdown World Title. Orton joined the Wyatt Family after becoming tired of being beaten down by the team. Then he won the Royal Rumble and promised to never cash in the title shot on new champion Wyatt. It wound up being a ruse though and Orton used his newfound access to the Wyatt Family compound to destroy the whole place. Then Bray poured Sister Abigail’s ashes over himself and gained her powers as this story got REALLY stupid. There was also something about Luke Harper nearly becoming #1 contender that went nowhere but warrants a quick mention.

Smackdown World Title: Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Orton is challenging and has a viper go down the ramp, which he himself called stupid. We get the Big Match Intros and Orton takes him down with a Thesz press and some right hands. They head to the floor for more right hands but Bray goes caveman with a running headbutt back inside. And then the lights go out (which I thought was a blackout) until the mat is covered with a projection of maggots. We’re about two minutes into the match and this is already in the pantheon of dumbest ideas ever.

Bray runs him over again and this time it’s worms on the mat. The referee jumps out of the ring, possibly because he wants to go work for a sensible company like TNA. A Rock Bottom into a backsplash gives Bray two but Sister Abigail is countered into a rollup for two. I mean, it doesn’t matter as they’ve completely lost the fans after that stupid, STUPID idea but never let that stop WWE.

They head outside again with Bray diving off the apron and straight into a dropkick. Sister Abigail into the barricade drops Orton again but he’s back up with an RKO to knock Bray silly on the floor. That’s only good for two back inside and Sister Abigail is countered into the backbreaker. Orton’s hanging DDT looks to set up the RKO but this time Sister Abigail connects for two. But hang on because let’s hit those roaches to complete the trio of stupid! Orton is finally done with all this nonsense and hits the RKO for the pin and the title at 10:13.

Rating: F. You are the winter, fall and spring. You are the sun that summertime brings. You are the stars in the nighttime sky. You are my girl and I’m your guy. You got me all tied up in knots and I’m lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m just lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m lovin’ you lots and lots.

That doesn’t make sense? Neither does what we just saw. Moving on.

The pilots from the flyover are here. That’s kind of cool.

We recap the Universal Title match, which all started because of a video game. Goldberg came back at Survivor Series to face Brock Lesnar in a rematch of the nightmare that was Wrestlemania XX. In a shocker, Goldberg won in about a minute and a half. Then it was decided that Goldberg could win the title again. He went on to eliminate Brock from the Royal Rumble and then won the Universal Title in about thirty seconds at Fastlane. Lesnar needed to defeat Goldberg once and for all so we’re having the match for the title tonight. This is all narrated by Paul Heyman, who talks about fantasies coming to an end in a nice touch.

Here’s the thing: you could do this same story without the title. Have Lesnar put up his career to get one more shot at Goldberg (it’s not like there was any doubt on the winner here anyway) so let us have the original plan: Owens dropping the title to Jericho (who never won the World Title as a face) and then Lesnar winning it the next month. Nah. We need GOLDBERG winning the title in a nostalgia moment for whatever reason.

Universal Title: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Goldberg is defending and gets the long walk to the ring which might as well be the long walk to the gallows. Lesnar wastes no time and hits three German suplexes in nineteen seconds. In a great visual, the camera is on Lesnar when Goldberg cuts him down with a spear. A second spear sends Lesnar bailing and the third spear takes Lesnar through the barricade. That’s the first MINUTE of this match as they’re certainly starting fast.

Back in and both finishers are escaped, setting up another spear to Lesnar. The Jackhammer gets two, making Lesnar the second person to ever kick out (the other being Hogan, who only did it because of a missed cue). That means another spear (Heyman: “HE’S IN POSITION AGAIN!”) but this time Lesnar leapfrogs him and Goldberg hits the buckles. More suplexes (make it ten total) set up the F5 to officially conquer Goldberg at 4:47.

Rating: B. This was PERFECT for what they had to work with. Goldberg wasn’t going to be out there for a long match (he didn’t in his prime either) and they went with the right path. This was as action packed of a nearly five minute match as all you could have done. That first spear looked awesome and Goldberg gets to go out on his big moment. I’m pleased, though not as much as Goldberg, who probably made a ton of money for less than ten minutes combined of wrestling time in his comeback.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Alexa is defending and this is the most thrown together match that I can remember in a good while. They’re also rushing through the entrances due to the time issues. You know, because NOW they care about time issues. Naomi is the hometown girl and MY GOODNESS the Glow entrance is a sight to behold in a stadium. There are no tags of course so it’s a big brawl to start.

Naomi gets sent to the floor for a double suplex from Natalya and Carmella. Back in and Becky kicks the two of them down but James Ellsworth (Remember that?) grabs Becky’s foot to take over. Bliss breaks up a cover and screams at Carmella to get out of her ring. The DDT gets two on Natalya but Becky breaks it up this time, only to have Ellsworth come in. No Chin Music is countered into a Bexploder and it’s Naomi coming back in this time.

Naomi slingshots in to sunset flip Natalya, who German suplexes Becky at the same time. Speaking of the same time, Natalya tries a double Sharpshooter on Carmella and Naomi but can’t get the legs up. Well, not surprising, but it’s so bad that the camera cuts to her back. Naomi comes back in for a Rear View to Bliss and a big dive to take everyone out. Back in and Naomi’s reverse Rings of Saturn makes Bliss tap for the title at 5:33.

Rating: D. The timing issues KILLED this and there’s no way around it. Much like the ladder match earlier, there’s nothing you can do when you have five minutes and six people in a match. Naomi winning the title back is cool, but I still have no idea why her winning it back in her hometown is supposed to be some huge deal. Yeah it’s cool, but it’s not like this is some great moment.

Wrestlemania XXXIV is in New Orleans. Those songs will drive you crazy by the end of the weekend.

New Day comes out to thank the fans for the record attendance of 75,245. The team is still funny but egads they could have been cut out of this whole thing and not been missed.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Undertaker. Reigns eliminated him from the Rumble and now we have a match to determine who is the real Big Dog.

Jim Ross is out to do commentary for the main event. That’s even more impressive when you consider his wife died days before this show.

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

No holds barred, first announced before the entrances. Reigns is booed out of the stadium, as has become a custom. In a smart move, Undertaker rises from the middle of the ramp (with a cool visual of smoke building up and clearing to reveal him standing there). I completely missed this as I was looking at the stage and then glanced down to the ring and saw him climbing the steps.

Undertaker slugs away in the corner to start and knocks Reigns to the floor. Back in and Reigns knocks him over the top as well, with Undertaker landing on his feet. Reigns hammers him down to take over and they head outside so this can be more of a brawl, which is the only way to go. The apron dropkick (to a standing Undertaker) puts Undertaker down again but he wins a slugout back inside. Reigns hits him in the face and Undertaker just looks mad.

Snake Eyes and the big boot set up the legdrop for two. The threat of a chokeslam sends Reigns outside again and this time the apron dropkick is punched out of the air. Another dropkick staggers Undertaker but it’s a chokeslam onto the announcers’ table. They climb onto the other tables and it’s a spear to drive Undertaker through (almost in a running spinebuster) for the double knockout.

Reigns is the only one back in….and Undertaker sits up. Back in and Reigns does the corner clotheslines into the corner right hands, meaning the Last Ride (an AWFUL one at that with little impact and more Undertaker dropping Reigns than slamming him down). It’s chair time but Undertaker takes it away and beats him down instead. A quick Superman Punch knocks Undertaker into the ropes but another is countered into a chokeslam onto the chair.

The Tombstone gets two and the fans, who are supposed to be smart at Wrestlemania, seem shocked at the kickout. Off the first Tombstone. In a Wrestlemania match. Who’s the smart one here? Another Tombstone is loaded up but this time Reigns backflips….and just can’t lift Undertaker for the counter. They try a few more times but just stop for the sake of embarrassment with Reigns trying a Superman Punch instead.

The spear connects but Undertaker is fine enough to put on Hell’s Gate. The rope is reached for a break (erg) and Reigns unloads with the chair. Another spear gets another two and another spear gets another two and another Superman Punch (Undertaker sits up and falls over) sets up another spear to give Undertaker his second Wrestlemania loss at 22:57. That last sequence took nearly five minutes.

Rating: D+. It’s not terrible, but Undertaker looked like an old man who should have hung it up a few years ago. The problem here was the crowd being completely dead and it showed really badly. There’s only so much energy you can have in an academic match at the end of a seven hour show. Reigns winning makes complete sense but it was a bad match (the botches and CRAZY amount of time spent standing around didn’t do it any favors) and there’s no way around that.

Reigns gets the big pyro display behind him as he stands on the ramp (great shot) but we’re not done yet. Undertaker slowly sits up and we go to a bunch of replays. Back to live and it’s Undertaker standing in the ring with the hat and coat on. I use that term loosely as it looks like Mark Callaway standing there dressed as Undertaker. For the first time, it seems like we’re seeing the real person instead of the character, which is a MAJOR change for him.

He looks around to the crowd, takes off his gloves, coat and hat and folds them up in the ring. With the fans applauding, he goes outside, kisses Michelle McCool, and walks up the ramp. Undertaker stops, looks back one more time, raises the fist, and lowers down through the ramp, fist still in the air, to end the show with the gong sounding one more time. There was no commentary for the last ten minutes, without even a goodbye (appropriate here).

That’s about as perfect of a sendoff as WWE has ever done. It was emotional, it felt special, and it came off like the real thing. Undertaker is the last vestige of that older generation and him breaking character for the first time ever and leaving is incredible to see. It’s why I don’t want to see him wrestle again and why it makes me sad to think that he will. Incredible stuff, and Thank You Taker.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s no way around it: this show is way way way way way way way WAY too long. I got through an hour of the show a few days back (you know I’m not watching this in one sitting) and looked down at the bar in near horror of how little space I had covered. Five hours, plus TWO HOURS of a Kickoff Show is just too much, especially when there’s stuff to be cut. What could be cut? Well off the top of my head:

AJ vs. Shane (move AJ to ANYTHING else and drop Shane) entirely or at least cut it down by about eight minutes

Corbin vs. Ambrose (I know it’s the Intercontinental Title but on a show this huge, it’s understandable)

Smackdown Women’s Title (it’s just nothing and felt like total filler)

Five to ten minutes each off of Reigns vs. Undertaker and HHH vs. Rollins (those combine for nearly fifty minutes total)

Pitbull

AT LEAST get this down to four and a half hours of main show. That can’t be too much to ask, right?

Other than the timing issues though, the show is mostly solid. There’s a ton of good stuff up until the mixed tag and then things start to fall apart. The Universal Title match was as perfect as it was going to be get but there’s just so much bad around it (Bray vs. Orton, Reigns vs. Undertaker, HHH vs. Rollins in that match that is still going on somewhere, with HHH still working the knee) that the good is dragged down.

At the end of the day, it all comes back to the timing issues as there’s almost no way to make a show this long work. It’s too much to sit through and it becomes a chore at the end. Just cut this down by a good hour (or two) and things are much better, but bigger is better for WWE and that’s not changing anytime soon. As it is, the show works more than it misses but it’s still not a classic by any means.

Ratings Comparison

Neville vs. Austin Aries

Original: A-

2018 Redo: B

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin

Original: C+

2018 Redo: C-

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax

Original: C-

2018 Redo: D

Hardy Boyz vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

John Cena/Nikki Bella vs. The Miz/Maryse

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

HHH vs. Seth Rollins

Original: C+

2018 Redo: B-

Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Original: F

2018 Redo: F

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Original: D-

2018 Redo: D

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

Original: D+

2018 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Yeah I overrated a lot of this the first time around. It’s good, but not that good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/04/07/wrestlemania-xxxiii-a-long-wait-for-a-long-show-with-a-long-ramp/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXXIII
Date: April 2, 2017
Location: Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 75,245
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips
America the Beautiful: Tinashe

Here we go. I really don’t think Wrestlemania needs much of an introduction, especially just a few days after it took place. This is an interesting show as we have multiple potential main events, some of which have people more than a bit nervous. The show has serious potential though and that’s more than enough to rope me in. Let’s get to it.

I was in the stadium for the show so this is my second time seeing it. My seat was in the upper deck and I had the hard cameras opposite me with the set (amazing visual which looked even better at night) on my right, basically in line with the upper right hand corner of the ring. This presented a bit of an issue as you could see two of the screens above the ring, meaning I was looking at most of one screen and the right side of another. In other words, when New Day was out for example and standing Woods, Big E. and Kofi, I was seeing Kofi, Woods, Big E., and Kofi again. That took some getting used to.

Before we get into the show, a few quick notes about the stadium. This was by far and away the easiest entrance to any Wrestlemania I’ve been to. After maybe seven minutes waiting for security, I walked into the stadium and had two or three people in line in front of me to scan my ticket. The previous two shows took well over half an hour to get in and seemed much more based on being unorganized than anything else.

The stadium itself wasn’t in the best shape and it took a long time to get around, especially since you can only change levels on the long sides of the building. Obviously it’s no AT&T Stadium but the place really didn’t come off as all that great looking. It wasn’t the best experience, but then again the stadium itself isn’t the reason we’re there so it doesn’t make a huge difference.

The ramp is HUGE, apparently running eighty yards and coming down from what would have been the second deck of stands.

Pre-Show: Austin Aries vs. Neville

Neville is defending after having destroyed the entire division for months. Aries is back from injury and the best possible option to take the title. In one of my favorite visuals, you can see Aries taking in the whole sight of the stadium. Feeling out process to start as the announcers talk about Aries’ eye injury.

Wristlocks don’t go anywhere so Aries armdrags him into an armbar. A backslide looks to set up the Last Chancery but Neville bails out to the floor. That’s fine with Aries as he takes a rest on the top rope. Back in and Aries wins another battle on the mat, this time with a basement dropkick to really rock the champ. Aries loads up a dive but gets kicked in the face, setting up a hard top rope dropkick for two.

We take a break and come back with Neville holding a chinlock, as is the common action when coming back for some reason. Neville takes too long yelling at the fans and misses a Phoenix splash, allowing Aries to hit the big ax handle to the floor. Another kick to the face stops Aries but he shoves the superplex away.

One heck of a missile dropkick (that looked great) gets two on Neville, who responds by sending Aries into the ropes for a snap German suplex. They’re just beating the heck out of each other and trading big shots. A bridging German suplex gets two on Aries and Neville cranks up the trash talking as only he can (the accent really does help in that area).

Aries flips out of the Rings of Saturn and scores with the discus Fivearm to send Neville to the floor. Neville gets pulled back in for a top rope hurricanrana and the 450 connects for a SWEET false finish. There’s the Last Chancery in the middle of the ring but Neville rips at Aries’ eye (which was recently reconstructed), setting up the Red Arrow to retain the title at 15:39.

Rating: A-. Well that worked. This was one of the matches that a lot of people wanted to see coming into this show and it’s easy to see why. I was really happy to see this moved to the pre-show as it meant the match would have time instead of being lucky to get six minutes. These guys beat the heck out of each other and the extra time did them a lot of good. Instead of doing a bunch of flips, this was a heavyweight style match between two guys who hit each other really, really hard and only one of them could stay up. There’s almost a guaranteed rematch and that’s a very good thing.

Pre-Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Aiden English, Apollo Crews, Bo Dallas, Braun Strowman, Chad Gable, Curt Hawkins, Curtis Axel, Dolph Ziggler, Epico, Fandango, Goldust, Heath Slater, Jason Jordan, Jey Uso, Jimmy Uso, Jinder Mahal, Kalisto, Killian Dain, Konnor, Luke Harper, Mark Henry, Mojo Rawley, Primo, R-Truth, Rhyno, Sami Zayn, Simon Gotch, Sin Cara, The Big Show, Tian Bing, Titus O’Neil, Tyler Breeze, Viktor

Only Big Show and Braun Strowman get introductions. We see Rob Gronkowski in the front row, just in case you wanted to have some drama about the ending. Braun tosses Primo at the bell and Kalisto goes out a few seconds later. What in the world happened to him? Gotch and Slater are gone, followed by Jey Uso and Goldust. Everyone has been put out by Big Show and Strowman so far to really hammer the idea home.

Show gets rid of Konnor and it’s time for the big showdown. Sami breaks it up though and the masses get rid of Show. Strowman dumps Viktor but the rest of the match gets together to eliminate him as well. A break is teased but the audio just goes off for a bit with the video staying on. Hawkins is out and things slow WAY down after a very fast three minutes.

That makes sense though as you have to get rid of a bunch of the dead weight in this thing. Ziggler is sent to the apron for a second time but hangs on again and manages to backdrop Truth out. Rhyno follows him to the floor and Mahal puts Ziggler on the apron again to no avail. American Alpha dumps English, Axel and Jimmy Uso as the ring is rapidly clearing out.

The announcers talk about a commercial break but the video never stopped. Rather odd but I’ll always take extra wrestling. A bunch of people get rid of American Alpha and Bing gets rid of Breezango. Henry tosses Sin Cara onto the pile but gets dumped a few seconds later. There’s nothing to talk about in between these eliminations, as is so often the case in these things.

Ziggler superkicks Bing out and the Helluva Kick eliminates Epico. We’re down to Zayn, Ziggler, Rawley, Dain, Mahal, Crews, O’Neil, Harper and Dallas. Harper sends Ziggler to the apron AGAIN but Titus makes a rather stupid save. You can tell it’s bad when even JBL calls him out on it. Rawley eliminates Dallas (you can hear the booing….er, Bo-ing) and Crews goes out a few seconds later.

Mojo finally gets rid of Ziggler and Titus kicks Harper out (Huh?) to get us down to five. Sami clotheslines Titus to the floor but gets dumped by Dain to suck the life out of the crowd. Mahal is down in the corner so we get Mojo vs. Dain, which sounds a lot more interesting than I was expecting. A tackle actually drops the monster but Mahal sends Mojo through the ropes to the floor.

As you might expect, they wind up right in front of Gronkowski and arguing ensues. Mahal throws a drink at him and it’s time to jump the barricade, with the security guard running over to calm things down, only to have the referees come over to smarten her up. There’s something hilarious about them saying it’s that scripted but I’ll take this over the Big Show vs. Shaw match.

Gronkowski gets in and runs Mahal over and Rawley hits the running right hand to Dain, setting up a clean elimination. Mahal gets sent to the apron and eventually the running fist gives Mojo the win at 14:08. I was legitimately scared they were going to give it to Mahal at the end so well done on the fake out.

Rating: D. Yeah it was boring (and flat out bad at times) but it was on the pre-show and we got a good choice for the winner (and not just because I picked Rawley for the win). This is the kind of match where you can give someone a rub without damaging anyone else so if it bombs, no one loses anything as a result. The Gronkowski stuff was harmless (and gave me a good laugh with the referees having to get rid of security) and Rawley is going to energize the crowd. Also, what the heck happened to Strowman? He goes from a potential main eventer to this in a month? Really?

Pre-Show: Intercontinental Title: Baron Corbin vs. Dean Ambrose

Ambrose is defending after eliminating Corbin from the Elimination Chamber. Corbin retaliated by CRUSHING AMBROSE WITH A FORKLIFT because that’s an appropriate response. For some reason we see the Gronkowski stuff during Ambrose’s entrance. Eh I’m sure showing a highlight that’s going to be on Sportscenter is more important than a title match at Wrestlemania.

Ambrose charges right at him and gets dropped twice in a row. Corbin tries his slide underneath the bottom rope and gets taken down by a suicide dive. Back in and Dean is sent ribs/back first into the post as the beatdown begins. We get another audio break with no video break and come back (I think?) with Corbin working on the ribs. A choke shove (stop stealing from Alexa Bliss) drops Ambrose for two and Baron sends him into the barricade to vent some frustration.

Back in and we hit the chinlock with Dean looking more bored than in pain. Corbin is sent shoulder first into the post but the top rope elbow is partially blocked. Dirty Deeds is fully blocked but Corbin is sent outside. Dean sends him into the steps and now the top rope elbow connects. Back in and Deep Six gets two on the champ, only to have the rebound lariat put Corbin down as well. Corbin gets up first and starts talking trash, only to take too much time with End of Days, allowing Ambrose to grab Dirty Deeds to retain at 10:54.

Rating: C+. I really don’t get the idea here as this should have been Corbin winning the title to end Ambrose’s fairly nothing reign. The match was completely watchable and Ambrose winning made the fans happy (the only reason I can imagine to have him win) so it’s hardly a horrible choice. Just a bit headscratch inducing.

And now, after that two hour pre-show, here’s the five hour (and ten minute) regular show!

Tinashe sings America the Beautiful. I’m not sure who she is but she’s an attractive woman and has a very pretty voice. Some military jets fly over.

The opening video focuses on the Ultimate Thrill Ride concept with a camera going down a roller coaster. Almost everyone on the card is seen at one point. All of the usual suspects were booed out of the building, though Miz and Maryse got one heck of a pop. Lesnar received a mixed reaction, which could make for one heck of an interesting Raw World Title match.

Here’s New Day, our hosts for the evening, to open things up. We also get the first pyro of the show, which is a very bad thing for someone who doesn’t like loud noises (And is sitting in the upper deck with a fear of heights. Why did I go to this again?). New Day is in Final Fantasy gear, which I’m sure Cole read off a card. Kofi and Big E. have swords while Woods only has the trombone. Apparently a bunch of names were considered for this job but New Day was the final choice.

Big E. says it’s time to pull our levers, which freaks Woods and Kofi out. In a very funny moment, Big E. keeps flicking his eyes over at Woods with a VERY knowing smile, drawing a huge laugh. He meant pull the lever on the Ultimate Thrill Ride because New Day rocks. This was short but illustrated the point that New Day really doesn’t need to be here. Also, somehow there was no mention of the ice cream all weekend. I really can’t imagine they couldn’t find a way to throw those together, just for a novelty if nothing else.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles, which I really wouldn’t have bet on opening the show. AJ was mad that he wasn’t on the card and blamed Shane, eventually throwing him head first through a car window. Shane wanted to fight and we’re having a match (yes a wrestling match instead of a street fight etc) as a result.

AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon

There’s something so cool about the wind blowing the wrestlers’ hair around. It makes things feel more unique for some reason. AJ hammerlocks him to start and promises to embarrass Shane. A snapmare takes Shane down again and AJ does Shane’s dance for a nice touch. Shane actually grabs a headlock takeover and some armdrags, sending a frustrated Styles outside.

Back in and AJ wants to know if they’re fighting or wrestling. It turns into a quick boxing match with Shane’s horrible looking shots taking over, only to have AJ pull him to the floor. A baseball slide puts Shane over the announcers’ table (Why do I have a feeling that’s going to be a big target tonight?) before they head back inside for another strike off. AJ gets the better of it but his springboard is broken up to give Shane his first opening.

That means it’s time to pepper AJ in the jaw, including the jumping back elbow. An Angle Slam gets one but Styles comes right back with a Calf Crusher but Shane reverses into a rear naked choke. That goes into a cross armbreaker as the MMA vs. wrestler shenanigans continue. AJ finally rolls out and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Thankfully it’s AJ up first with the springboard 450 but Shane is right there to catch him in a triangle choke.

AJ reverses that into a one leg/arm Styles Clash for two (because that move is worthless anymore) and both guys are spent. A slugout goes to Shane but the referee gets bumped, allowing AJ to go and grab a trashcan. As luck would have it he loads up Shane for the Coast to Coast, which is broken up by Shane using the can to knock him out of the air.

Shane is able to hit the Coast to Coast (as the referee, who is on his back and coming to, somehow sees NONE of this) for two. That means it’s time for the elbow through the table but Shane moves, giving us our first broken table of the night. The Phenomenal Forearm is countered into a Maivia Hurricane DDT, only to miss the Shooting Star. Now the Forearm is enough to give AJ the pin at 20:30.

Rating: B. First and foremost, this was WAY better than it had any right to be, which means I’m going to have a hard time finding anything to really complain about. Above all else, it’s a bit longer than it needed to be and it was clear that this was ALL AJ, who was walking Shane through every single step. Granted a lot of that has to do with Shane not being a wrestler who doesn’t need to be in this spot in the first place. At least AJ won a good match at Wrestlemania though, which he certainly deserved to do at some point in his career.

James Ellsworth eats a Snickers and turns into Charlotte. So based off last year’s commercial, Ellsworth is also Zack Ryder? I think I can live with this as these commercials are funny.

We recap Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho. They were best friends but Owens was just using Jericho to watch his back. Jericho realized that the people were all his friends and now is out to defend his title and get some revenge on Owens for attacking him. I really, really liked this story as the Festival of Friendship was so over the top and entertaining but they paid it off perfectly with Owens having his own list with Jericho’s name on it. That gave us a reason to care about Jericho and hate Owens all the more, which is what makes wrestling work so well instead of quick swerves and ridiculous stories that only work to a degree on paper.

US Title: Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is defending and we even get a return of the countdown in the form of a list counting down from ten to one. If that’s not awesome enough for you, Jericho has a light up scarf. They slug it out to start with Jericho getting the Walls less than thirty seconds in. Owens bails to the floor but gets caught with a dive. The fans chant STUPID IDIOT as Jericho drops a top rope ax handle but charges into a superkick.

Owens hits a Cannonball inside and another on the apron, which shows some nice balance if nothing else. We hit the trash talk with Owens asking where Jericho’s friends are now before hitting the chinlock, which no one can break of course. The apron powerbomb is countered with a backdrop but Owens comes right back with the package piledriver slam for another near fall.

Owens takes him to the top but gets pulled down with a hurricanrana. Naturally the Lionsault misses though and Jericho gets superkicked again. Owens is no Shawn though, meaning the Swanton hits Jericho’s raised knees. Thankfully Jericho can’t follow up because he’s holding his knees, which is something I’ve always wondered about when knees are used for a block. The Pop Up Powerbomb doesn’t work so Jericho elbows him down and scores with the Lionsault for two of his own.

Since it’s a Wrestlemania match, Owens steals the finisher by putting Jericho in the Walls, though they’re pretty easily escaped since it’s just a Boston crab. Back up and Owens hits his third superkick of the match, followed by the third Cannonball but Jericho reverses into the Walls for a sweet counter. That’s escaped as well and now the Pop Up Powerbomb is good for two.

In the spot of the match, Owens loads up another Pop Up Powerbomb but gets countered into the Codebreaker. Jericho covers but Owens gets ONE FINGER on the ropes for the break. From the seats it looked like he just grabbed the rope so that’s a very nice touch (figuratively and literally). Jericho is stunned as Owens rolls outside. A kick to the leg is enough to set up an apron bomb to give Owens the pin and the title at 16:48.

Rating: B. This was an interesting match as they definitely had a good one but it feels like a step in a much longer story. The story called for a huge, violent match and I have a feeling that’s what we’ll get for the eventual rematch. It’s exactly what the long story called for with Owens beating Jericho clean and setting up the gimmick match. I still really liked it though and the story makes it all the better to go with the solid match.

We recap the Raw Women’s Title match. Charlotte and Sasha Banks traded the title for months on end until Charlotte won the blowoff match. That left Bayley to come after the title, which she won in a very odd/questionable booking choice on Raw, followed by a successful title defense at Fastlane, which ended Charlotte’s pay per view winning streak. Since it’s WWE, this set up a triple threat also involving Banks but Nia Jax was added as a monster because we just needed a fourth here.

Raw Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax

Bayley is defending and this is under elimination rules. For some reason Bayley comes out first and slips on one of the tube men. At least it’s no Ultimo Dragon. Since she’s a Boss, Sasha rides on the back of a car, driven by a chauffeur, to the ring. In a great touch, Bayley looks worried by all three of her challengers. There’s also a sweet visual of Charlotte spinning on the ramp with the fireworks going off behind her.

Charlotte goes right after Nia with Sasha and Bayley helping, only to have the monster shrug them all off. Sasha and Bayley get splashed in the corner, leaving Charlotte to chop away at Nia. With Bayley and Sasha on the floor, Nia throws Charlotte onto them and everyone is down. Back in and everyone goes after Nia at the same time, including a big boot into a double belly to back suplex for two.

Nia runs them over again as a WE CAN’T SEE chant starts up from the fans across from the entrance. Apparently the lights were right in their eyes, which would be one of the most annoying possibilities at a show like this. Nia goes to the corner again but gets triple bombed out for the pin and the elimination at 4:14. Then what in the world was the point in having her in the match in the first place???

Charlotte bails to the floor and tells the two of them to fight, only to pull Bayley to the floor so Sasha can score with a flip dive. Charlotte busts out the corkscrew dive and hits it PERFECTLY for a change, which is an incredibly rare sight. Back in and Natural Selection is countered the Bank Statement but Charlotte slips out again.

With frustration setting in, Charlotte rips the middle buckle….partially off but gets caught by Sasha’s top rope double knees for two. Banks grabs a rollup, only to have Charlotte kick her into the turnbuckle pad (which was supposed to be the exposed steel) for the elimination at 8:18, leaving us with Bayley vs. Charlotte.

Bayley goes knee first into the steel but Charlotte misses the moonsault. The knee is too banged up though and Charlotte grabs the Figure Four, sending Bayley crawling to the ropes (which she doesn’t realize she could have grabbed ten seconds earlier). Charlotte ties her in the Tree of Woe but Bayley sits up and backdrops her down for a big crash. A Macho Elbow retains the title at 12:13.

Rating: C-. I really wasn’t feeling this one as they were rushing through the three eliminations and the ending felt a bit flat. This really just should have been a regular triple threat or Bayley beating Charlotte once and for all but why have the logical match when you can throw more people in there and have a big mess?

Cole says the ending is symbolic of the thirty year anniversary of Wrestlemania III when Savage fought Steamboat. You know, except for the fact that that show wasn’t thirty years ago to the day and Savage LOST there.

We recap the Hall of Fame ceremony. Teddy Long’s line of “I’m a holla holla holla famer!” was great.

The Hall of Fame Class of 2017 is presented:

Diamond Dallas Page (LONG overdue for what he did after retirement if nothing else)

Rock N Roll Express (Even longer overdue)

Rick Rude (I don’t see how anyone could complain about this)

Teddy Long (One of the most versatile performers ever)

Eric LeGrand (That’s fine of course)

Beth Phoenix (Good worker in a bad era)

Kurt Angle (One of the best of all time and easily deserving of the headlining spot)

This is almost ALL about Angle, as it really should be. The rest of the class is great but come on. It’s Kurt Angle. If nothing else it’s great to hear the music in WWE one more time for a big old YOU SUCK chant.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Anderson and Gallows are defending and this is a ladder match. In your trivia of the night, Enzo’s gear is apparently worth $50,000 due to jewelry and some one of a kind apparel. Sheamus and Cesaro come out in matching kilts and sunglasses. Actually hang on a second as here’s New Day (Remember them?) in their gear to say……we’ll pause for the DELETE chants…..that this is going to be a fatal fourway.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Hardy Boyz

And that’s your pop of the night, if not of the year. Cole: “THINGS ARE ABOUT TO BE BROKEN!” This is one of those things that we probably should have seen coming the second the ladder match was announced but I didn’t think they’d actually do it. They’re not Broken here but Matt still has the black and white hair and is doing a lot of the Broken poses.

It’s a huge brawl to start (as it should be) with the champs each taking Poetry in Motion. Enzo and Cass are quickly dispatched as well, followed by a Whisper in the Wind to Sheamus and Cesaro. The Hardys start cleaning house with the ladders but Gallows and Anderson come in to take them down. Sheamus and Cesaro come back in though with Cesaro coming off the ladder with a double stomp to Anderson’s ribs.

One of the ladders seems to be broken so Cass kicks people in the face. It’s time to bridge the ladders between the ring and the barricade with Enzo being launched over both of them to drop Gallows. Anderson gets Swung while Sheamus hits thirty forearms to Gallows’ chest. Sheamus and Gallows go up top but Enzo of all people makes the save.

Cass puts Enzo on his shoulders for the big climb but a quick save is made, only to have Enzo stay on the ladder, requiring Anderson to make the real save. The four power guys get into it but here’s Matt with a Twist of Fate to Gallows. Cesaro and Sheamus are laid out on the bridged ladders….and Jeff gets out the big ladder. Cesaro is crushed while Sheamus just falls off of his ladder, leaving Matt to grab the belts for the win at 11:05.

Rating: B. My goodness what a moment. There’s almost no way to argue against them winning the titles and it really did make the show feel special. The Hardys are some of the biggest stars in the history of the division and perhaps the most amazing redemption stories in recent memory. This was a great moment and a very good match to boot. In your trivia of the night, this is the first time the Tag Team Titles have changed hands at Wrestlemania since XVII (pre-show doesn’t count).

We recap the Miz/Maryse vs. John Cena/Nikki Bella. This is built around the idea of Miz and Maryse being a real couple and Cena/Bella being a robotic couple who are only there for the cameras. Cena and Nikki finally started acknowledging their relationship on TV and a mixed tag was set, which set up some hilarious parodies of Total Bellas with Miz and Maryse impersonating Cena and Nikki.

This was almost a guaranteed setup for a proposal after the match, which might not have been the most interesting idea in the world to some but it’s something you just have to go along with. This story has made Miz the heavy face going in as it’s really easy to get his point about Cena/Nikki sounding robotic and only being in this for the sake of their brand.

John Cena/Nikki Bella vs. Miz/Maryse

Jerry Lawler is here as guest commentator and Al Roker is here as guest ring announcer in the definition of the most worthless celebrity cameo in Wrestlemania history. Cena runs down the ramp with Nikki joining him about halfway down for a nice entrance. The women start things off but Maryse tags out without doing anything. That means it’s off to the men so it’s time to hit the stall button.

Cena chases Miz outside but gets stomped on the way back in for the first contact nearly two minutes in. Maryse even gets in a slap as Miz is cheered all over the stadium. The running corner clothesline rocks Cena again as I don’t think he’s had any offense in the first four minutes. Lawler is stunned at the MIZ IS AWESOME chants so he switches to jokes about Maryse cheating on Miz. Cena gets kicked in the face a few times but avoids another running clothesline.

Maryse pulls Nikki off the apron though and a Reality Check drops Cena again. A quick AA attempt is countered into a short DDT for two, followed by the YES Kicks. Miz tells Nikki that she can’t see him, earning himself a slap into a backdrop over the top for Cena’s first significant offense in nearly eight minutes. There’s the hot tag to Nikki for a spear to Maryse, leaving Nikki to dive onto Miz. Nikki’s big forearm and the ProtoBomb set up stereo Five Knuckle Shuffles and the Rack Attack 2.0/AA for the double pins at 9:42.

Rating: D. So that happened. Miz dominated Cena for eight minutes, took three moves from him and then got pinned clean. Unfortunately this was about all you could have expected and that’s par for the course: Miz owns the world on the mic but we need to give Nikki her Wrestlemania moment. I really could have gone for Nikki pinning Maryse here but why do that when you can have Miz lose too?

Post match Cena tells a borderline creepy story about asking Nikki if she knew he would marry him while she was drugged up for surgery. Cena proposes and kissing ensues. Yeah it’s corny, yeah it feels forced and set up for a reality show but if they love each other, good for them. They kept this short and while it’s really not for me, I get that there’s an audience for this stuff. At least the fans didn’t boo it out of the stadium.

We recap HHH vs. Seth Rollins. HHH turned Rollins into his new protege a few years back, setting the stage for Rollins to win the WWE World Title. Then Rollins tore his ACL, which HHH interpreted as Rollins letting him down. Once Rollins came back, HHH cost him a chance to become Universal Champion and wrecked the knee again. Rollins had to sign a paper saying he couldn’t sue HHH or WWE for any injuries, making the match unsanctioned. At the end of the day, this match is about six months overdue and I’m not sure how many people care about it as a result. It’s not HHH vs. Reigns but it’s still nothing great.

HHH vs. Seth Rollins

Anything goes. In his annual over the top entrance, HHH comes out on a three wheeled motorcycle flanked by police motorcycles. This is completely redeemed by Stephanie as biker girl in leather pants. I know she gets on my nerves a lot but my goodness she looks great here. Seth has a torch for some reason, which I guess symbolizes burning the place down. Rollins kicks him to the floor to start but a dragon screw legwhip to the good knee takes Rollins down.

The knee is good enough for a springboard off the barricade into a clothesline, followed by a pair of suicide dives. It’s time to load up the German announcers’ table (which is next to a restored English announcers’ table) but HHH DDTs Rollins onto it instead with the table not breaking. A chair to the already bad knee gets us into the next phase of the match and Rollins is in big trouble.

HHH bridges the knee between the announcers’ table and the barricade before dropping his knee onto Seth’s knee. The leg work begins until a Downward Spiral sends HHH into the buckle. Seth tries a sunset bomb but bangs up his knee again, just like the way it was injured back in 2015.

The knee is fine enough for a Buckle Bomb, followed by a high crossbody to the floor to take HHH out again. It’s time to set up two chairs and a table (with Stephanie wisely telling HHH that the weapons are there). Rollins hits a frog splash for two but a kick to the knee makes him drop the chair.

Now things get a bit rough as HHH Pillmanizes the knee twice in a row. He goes up top for the third, only to have Seth pelt a chair at his head, setting up a superplex into the Falcon’s Arrow. So he had a knee that should have him back in rehab the day after this show, had it crushed by a chair twice in a row, and is up doing stuff off the top thirty seconds later? I know I complain about a lack of selling a bit too much but this is pretty far beyond anything realistic.

HHH throws him in the reverse Figure Four which put Rollins out for weeks but Rollins reverses into a modified Crossface. That goes nowhere so HHH chairs the knee again and puts the hold on outside. Rollins tries to go underneath the ring to find whatever he can, including a sledgehammer which he throws to HHH for reasons of general stupidity. They head back inside with Rollins not only being able to stand but also being able to win a slugout.

One heck of a clothesline turns Rollins inside out but he scores with an enziguri to knock the hammer away. A Stephanie distraction lets HHH get a Pedigree for a very close two so he teases a super Pedigree. That’s broken up as well so Rollins hits a Phoenix splash (oh come on) for two of his own. They trade Pedigree attempts until HHH is knocked into Stephanie, sending her through the table.

That one spot COMPLETELY woke the crowd up after this long match had sucked the life out of them and shows what happens when you finally give the fans the comeuppance that a villain has earned (granted it might be nice if it happened more than once a year but you take what you can get with Stephanie). Rollins hits the Pedigree for the pin at 25:25.

Rating: C+. Major knee issues aside, this was actually much, much easier to sit through on a second viewing. It was a horribly boring match live and I was checking out reaction to the show instead of paying attention to the match. This viewing felt like the time was cut in half and I never really got bored.

That being said, it’s still not a great match because it ran at least seven minutes too long and you can only watch HHH hit him in the knee so many times before Rollins is mostly fine a minute later before it loses its charm. I really have issues with Rollins having his knee crushed twice and hitting a Phoenix splash in the same match but that’s just how wrestling works these days. Rollins was out of action just a week ago and wasn’t cleared for the match but he can do this here? That’s not a bit of a stretch? It’s still a good enough match though and Rollins won, though he should have done this back in October or so.

Pitbull and company perform. You could actually see the fans stand up almost in unison and head for the concourse.

After that eats up about eight minutes (a far more reasonable time than Kid Rock’s 20+ minutes), we recap Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton for the Smackdown World Title. Orton was tormented by the Wyatt Family so he joined the team and won the Royal Rumble. It turned out that it was a ruse (which wasn’t exactly a shock, though it wasn’t meant to be) and Orton burned down Bray’s barn, which was Sister Abigail’s grave. Bray then rubbed the dirt from the grave on his face to make himself all powerful for the match. Yeah it doesn’t make a ton of sense and is a good example of why they’re better off staying vague with Wyatt’s stuff.

Smackdown World Title: Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Bray is defending and my goodness the Fireflies entrance looks amazing in a stadium. There’s no way you could look at this and not thing Wyatt is something very special. Orton, who comes out second for some reason, has a very cool entrance of his own with the fireworks shower returning and a digital snake that follows him down the ramp for something you don’t see very often.

Orton hits the powerslam early on but the threat of an RKO sends Wyatt bailing to the floor thirty seconds in. Back in and a hard headbutt puts Orton down….and there go the lights. With Orton down, maggots are projected down onto the mat. As you might expect, Orton immediately heads outside, which seems to show that it only wakes him up instead of causing him any kind of harm.

Bray runs him over again and hits a clothesline, which means it’s time to project worms on the mat. This changes nothing as they disappear and Bray just hits him a few more times. The release Rock Bottom and a backsplash give Bray two and they head outside for Sister Abigail into the barricade. Orton is right back up and rolling to the other side of the floor. Bray gives chase and runs right into the RKO.

That’s only good for two so Orton tries the Punt. Of course that’s countered so Orton settles for the backbreaker and hanging DDT, only to get caught in Sister Abigail. Orton is down again….and we’ve got cockroaches this time. Bray pulls him up and Orton is finally like “forget this nonsense” and hits the RKO for the pin and the title at 10:21.

Rating: F. I have no idea what to make of that and I’d pay to hear it explained. Not only do we have Wyatt choke AGAIN in the big match but Orton just hits his finisher to win the title after all that nonsense. I get the idea of playing mind games or whatever but could you at least try to have something that made sense? It didn’t even make sense in Bray’s world and that’s giving them a lot of ground.

Above all else though, it’s just a lame way to end the match. There’s no big moment, there’s no real storyline change, there’s no big climax. It’s just Orton shrugging off all the weird stuff and hitting his finisher for the 100% clean pin. Orton didn’t need the title and while there’s always the chance that Bray will get the title back in the rematch, but this was a big, big dagger to the knees of his career.

The pilots from the fly over are here.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg, which thankfully isn’t closing. Goldberg was awesome in the 90s and then had a horrible match with Lesnar in 2004. Then Goldberg retired for twelve years, only to return at Survivor Series 2016 and beat Lesnar in 90 seconds. He also eliminated Lesnar from the Royal Rumble so now we have one more match for the Raw World Title. Don’t you just see the money signs here?

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

Lesnar is challenging and Goldberg gets the full entrance because this show apparently doesn’t have a time limit. Lesnar hits the first German suplex eight seconds in and the third one connects less than ten seconds later. Goldberg pops up and hits back to back spears to send Brock outside for a third spear through the barricade. They’re both down and we’re not even a minute into this yet. Back in and the F5 is escaped, setting up a fourth spear.

The Jackhammer only gets two (I believe Hogan is the only other person to kick out of that, which I think was due to Nash missing his cue) and you can see the life come back into Heyman. Goldberg loads up another spear but Lesnar leapfrogs him, sending Goldberg into the buckle. Seven more German suplexes (for the sake of the Tye Dillinger TEN from the crowd) sets up an F5 to give Lesnar the title back at 4:47.

Rating: B. Given the circumstances, this was as good as it was going to get. Goldberg took a ton of bumps here and put Lesnar over completely clean on his way out as Lesnar looks like the Beast again. I’m really glad they didn’t even bother with anything other than big power moves because that’s all anyone wanted to see them do in the first place. It might not be a great match or anything resembling one but it was EXACTLY what these two should have done. The major downside though is the title likely going away for awhile as we build towards Reigns vs. Lesnar next year because that’s the main event no matter what.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya vs. Becky Lynch

Bliss is defending and this is one fall to a finish. They’re clearly rushing to get this started because NOW we care about saving time. Mickie, looking great here, comes out in a Native American headdress for a rather odd costume choice. Thankfully Carmella has James Ellsworth in the most over the top Wrestlemania themed gear you’re ever going to find. Naomi’s entrance is one heck of a trip with the colors going all over the place.

Everyone brawls to start and there’s almost no point in trying to call most of this. The big showdown is Mickie vs. Becky with Lynch cleaning house until Ellsworth grabs her boot, allowing Carmella to grab a hurricanrana. Bliss chokeshoves Carmella down and hits a Maivia Hurricane of her own for two as trash is talked. Some Bexploders clean house, including one to get rid of Ellsworth, but Mickie takes Becky down with a seated senton. Natalya loads up a German suplex on Becky with Naomi adding a sunset flip (after botching the first attempt) to send Becky flying.

Naomi and Carmella are put in a double Sharpshooter which falls apart before Natalya can even turn it over. The MickDT gets two on Becky and Mickie runs into a superkick (literally, as in she was out of range and had to move forward). Naomi clears the ring and hits the Rear View on Bliss before diving onto everyone else. Back in and Bliss punches Naomi out of the air, only to get caught in a weird submission (kind of a reverse Crossface actually) to give Naomi the title at 5:33.

Rating: D-. Yeah this really didn’t work and a lot of that is due to the time. They were crammed in there with as much action as they could fit into less than six minutes. This was more about getting the girls onto the stage in their special gear and having them try to do as much stuff as they could without seriously injuring each other. That’s on the company instead of the women so I certainly don’t blame them. Naomi winning was obvious and fine, though still not as important as WWE would have you believe.

New Day announces the attendance record of 75,245. Again, I forgot they were a part of this show.

We recap Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns. This is your pretty standard story: Undertaker is the old guard and Reigns is the new young star who thinks this is his yard. I know you hear this kind of story with Undertaker a lot but it really did feel different this time around.

Jim Ross makes a surprise return to call the main event. If you didn’t know something was up here, you should now.

Roman Reigns vs. Undertaker

This is announced as no holds barred, which is a new stipulation. In a very smart idea, Undertaker rises out of the middle of the ramp instead of walking all the way down. I completely missed that as I was looking at the stage and then glanced down to the ring as he was getting in. No matter how old he is, that entrance is still chilling live.

Undertaker starts fast and knocks Reigns to the floor and says this is still his yard. Back in and Reigns scores with a right hand before sending Undertaker over the top and right onto his feet. Reigns goes into the steps, only to come back with a Samoan drop to put Undertaker down. They head outside again with Undertaker popping him in the jaw to cut off the momentum, which makes sense from someone billed as a great striker. They head back inside again with the Snake Eyes into the big boot dropping Reigns for two.

Another trip to the floor (which really does suggest they’re hiding Undertaker’s limitations) sees Reigns try the apron boot and getting punched in the face again. Reigns tries again and gets chokeslammed onto the STRONGEST TABLE IN THE WORLD which again doesn’t break. Undertaker climbs onto the table but get speared through another one to put both guys down.

Reigns is up first and gets inside, only to have Undertaker sit up. Back in again and Reigns fires off the corner clotheslines but makes the mistake of raining in the punches, meaning a powerbomb out of the corner (hardly a Last Ride) gets two. It’s chair time and a series of shots look to set up a chokeslam, sending Reigns bailing for cover. Back in (again) and some Superman Punches rock Undertaker, only to have a third countered with a chokeslam onto the chair for two.

The Tombstone gets the same and you can feel the air go out of the arena, along with a BS chant. Undertaker loads up a second Tombstone but Reigns reverses…..and just can’t get Undertaker up. Eventually he just gives up and gets two off a Superman Punch for your horribly botched sequence of the match. The first spear connects but Undertaker pulls him into Hell’s Gate.

Reigns makes it to the ropes, which shouldn’t mean a thing in a no holds barred match. I believe that would be the third person ever to survive all of Undertaker’s finishers (HHH and Batista if memory serves). Undertaker is completely gassed so Reigns grabs the chair and wears him out, all the while imploring Undertaker to stay down. Two more spears add up to four and the fans try to believe that Undertaker has a chance.

Reigns Superman Punches him again so Undertaker sits up….only to collapse again. Undertaker pulls himself to his knees and says Reigns can’t do it…..before some miscommunication sees Reigns have to stop running the ropes and try it again. Another big spear puts Undertaker down for the pin and likely forever at 22:59.

Rating: D+. I don’t think anyone is going to consider this match great or even very good but it told a perfectly fine story (Undertaker gave it everything he had but just couldn’t last as long as the younger and stronger Reigns) and had some good enough moments at the beginning. It’s a good passing of the torch moment, albeit in a pretty bad match.

Reigns poses in front of the big fireworks display in what would normally end the show.

With Reigns gone, Undertaker is still down. The THANK YOU TAKER chants start up until he finally does the sit up. We look at some replays and come back with Undertaker in the ring wearing his hat and coat underneath the blue lights. He looks around the stadium as this feels like Mark Calaway in Undertaker attire instead of the Undertaker. Almost looking like he’s in tears, Undertaker goes to the ropes but stops and goes back to the middle of the ring and looks around some more.

He takes off the gloves (just like last year), the coat and finally, with a heavy sigh, the hat, leaving all of them in a pile on the mat. Undertaker finally leaves the ring, kisses Michelle McCool in the front row, and walks up the stage to the riser that brought him up for his entrance. With one last look back (and what appear to be tears), Undertaker raises his fist one last time as he descends to the gong sounding and THANK YOU TAKER CHANTS.

As a wrestling fan, it’s very rare to have something reach you on an emotional level. That’s what happened here though, as this truly does seem to be Undertaker’s retirement. I know he took the gloves off last year but it was more of an afterthought than anything else. This felt like it’s finally over, and I think that’s for the best. Undertaker’s performances haven’t been great for a good while now and you can only trot him out there for so long. If they do bring him back, it’s going to be almost impossible to top this exit and I don’t think Undertaker is the kind of performer who would want to. Thank you Taker.

Overall Rating: B. This is an interesting case as there’s a lot of good stuff on here but at the same time there’s a lot of bad dragging the good way back down. Let’s get the big problem out of the way first: this show is way, way too long and it kills so much momentum. Unless you’re a Wrestlemania XVII level show, this is too much in one night and there’s no way to keep up the energy.

Now that being said, a major upgrade over last year was we knew it was going that long. With XXXII, it wasn’t clear when things were going to end and that made an incredibly long night feel even longer. You do reach a point where there’s no reason to keep going other than to fill time, which this show didn’t quite reach. Yeah I was getting tired, but I knew when the show was ending and it took away a lot of the dragging feeling.

It also helped that there was no 30 minute Shane vs. Undertaker match (hour long segment), no 27 minute waiting period (another nearly hour long segment) disguised as a match while we counted down until the most obvious ending ever and no Rock playing with a flamethrower for five minutes. Undertaker vs. Reigns, which eventually feeling obvious, didn’t come off like we were just waiting around for Reigns to spear him down for the pin.

I never felt like this show was desperately trying to fill time or make the show longer. This time around it felt like they had put too much in, though nothing felt like it was just there for the sake of being there. Yeah there’s stuff that could be trimmed or cut, but this year it only feels like a bit could be cut off here and there. Last year, there’s probably a good hour that could be cut without too much trouble.

As for the actual wrestling, I’d call it a big improvement as well. There wasn’t any blow away match (unless you count the pre-show) but other than the Smackdown World Title match (which was mainly the booking more than anything else) and the Women’s Title match (time more than anything else), nothing on here was really terrible. There may not be a classic but there’s more than enough good to bring the show up.

Overall, the show is certainly entertaining and I had a better time watching it back than watching it live (not surprising as I did so over the course of two days). It’s a marked improvement over the previous year’s effort, though there are still some issues that are dragging it down. Trim the show down (wrap it up before midnight) by a bit and this show goes up a few more steps. As it is, it’s quite good but it has some major problems.

Results

AJ Styles b. Shane McMahon – Phenomenal Forearm

Kevin Owens b. Chris Jericho – Apron powerbomb

Bayley b. Nia Jax, Sasha Banks and Charlotte – Top rope elbow to Charlotte

Hardy Boyz b. Anderson and Gallows, Sheamus/Cesaro and Enzo Amore/Big Cass – Matt pulled down the titles

John Cena/Nikki Bella b. Miz/Maryse – AA to Miz and Rack Attack 2.0 to Maryse

Seth Rollins b. HHH – Pedigree

Randy Orton b. Bray Wyatt – RKO

Brock Lesnar b. Goldberg – F5

Naomi b. Carmella, Alexa Bliss, Mickie James, Becky Lynch and Natalya – Arm trap submission to Bliss

Roman Reigns b. Undertaker – Spear

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Smackdown
Date: February 19, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves

It’s the go home show for Elimination Chamber and I’m really not sure how much more there is to add to the show. Most of the matches would seem to be set, but there is always room to add one or two more things. The main event this time around is a six man tag featuring all of the Elimination Chamber participants. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here’s Edge to open things up. He has a big decision to make and this Sunday, things are going to get a lot clearer. You have the two World Titles on the line but Roman Reigns is being the smart one by facing the winner of the Elimination Chamber. That means there are thirteen possible opponents for Wrestlemania so he needs to start evaluating things.

Cue Roman Reigns, flanked by Jey Uso and Paul Heyman, for a pretty long entrance. Roman says there aren’t thirteen possible opponents because there is one main event. You have Drew McIntyre who is a main eventer, but Roman Reigns is the main event. Edge thinks Reigns is sounding insecure because he needs to face Edge to be in the main event of Wrestlemania. Whomever Edge faces is the main event, be it anyone from Raw or Smackdown.

Cue Sami Zayn to say he’s the real champion because he’s the champion of the people. As Sami asks his camera crew to film him pointing at the sign, Jey superkicks him down. Reigns stares Edge down and hands the title off to Heyman before opening his hands, seemingly in peace. Reigns walks over to Edge and whispers something in his ear (which we can’t hear) before leaving with Heyman and Uso.

Apollo Crews vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Big E., on his couch, is on commentary. Before the match, we get a quick interview from Apollo, talking about how he doesn’t like being told to go back to catering. Nakamura runs him over for an early two to start but Crews nails a dropkick to send Nakamura outside. That’s enough to send him into Big E.’s snack tray, which means the big staredown to send us to a break.

Back with Nakamura hitting his sliding German suplex out of the corner for two. Crews grabs a spinebuster for two but gets pulled into a cross armbreaker, which Nakamura turns into a rollup for the pin at 5:58. Not enough shown to rate but it was just a quick match to have Crews and Big E. out there.

Post match Crews jumps Nakamura again and goes for the steps but Big E. says that isn’t happening. Big E. tells Crews to go to the back but Crews jumps him from behind with the steps. Crews isn’t going back to catering and throws the steps and Big E. back inside. The referee intervenes and Big E. rolls to the floor, with Crews throwing the steps onto him (with the camera not showing the crash of course) to leave Big E. laying. Medics come out immediately and, after the break, Big E. is taken out on a stretcher.

I’m sure this sets up a title match, but wouldn’t it be better to have Crews win, get denied a shot because Big E. has beaten him time after time, and then attack anyway? This made him feel like even more or a loser than he was when Big E. beat him over and over and that’s not the best way to go.

As Big E. is wheeled out, here’s Seth Rollins to say that was a tragedy, just like what happened last week. We see everyone walking out on Rollins last week, which earned Cesaro a big beating after the segment. As a result, Rollins has written a formal protest to WWE because everyone ruined last week out of fear. There are already millions who have embraced the vision for a better future, but the biggest loser is Cesaro. That’s why Cesaro was taken out last week. Everyone should embrace the vision, unlike that loser Cesaro. Embrace the vision. This is really the best they have for Rollins?

Edge comes up to Kevin Owens in the back and says that he understands what it’s like to have to keep getting back up. Owens appreciates that because he has come close to winning the Universal Title time after time over the last few months so now it is all he can think about. They appreciate the idea of facing each other at Wrestlemania.

Big E. is taken to the ambulance.

Riott Squad vs. Tamina/Natalya

Neither gets an entrance, as they shouldn’t for the sake of saving some time. Riott chops away at Tamina to start before handing it off to Liv for some kicks of her own. Morgan’s springboard something is knocked out of the air so it’s off to Natalya to strike away. Riott comes back in for a Codebreaker into an STO for two as Billie Kay, in a Tamina shirt with Natalya ears, comes out. That’s enough of a distraction for Tamina to hit a swinging Rock Bottom to finish Riott at 3:03.

Rating: D+. This was the latest match between one team thrown together and another team who isn’t likely to make it to the title scene anytime soon. Instead, The Riott Squad is the kind of team that only exists for the sake of putting other teams over. The women’s tag division is awful right now, but that has been the case for a pretty long time now. Just keep throwing teams together I guess, because it’s not like the division is going to mean anything anytime soon.

Billie comes in to celebrate with them and gets laid out.

Edge runs into King Corbin, who says he’s the main event of Wrestlemania. Corbin talks about a $39,000 watch but Edge holds up a phone, which tells the time and takes pictures.

It’s time for Ding Dong Hello with Bayley, who says it’s episode dos, which means two in case you’re like Michael Cole and don’t speak Spanish. Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler are the guests and come in through the door, with Jax talking about how Bayley shouldn’t be upset that they took the titles from her. They’re glad Bayley got rid of Sasha Banks, because Banks is such a waste of time. Like, almost as bad as Bianca Belair.

Cue Reginald, who says Banks is like a fine wine and the two of them are like a boxed wine. He thinks Belair and Banks could take the Tag Team Titles so here’s Banks to interrupt. Banks doesn’t like Reginald speaking for him but promises to beat Belair at Wrestlemania. Cue Belair to say not so fast and issue the six person tag challenge.

Bianca Belair/Reginald/Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler/Bayley

Banks strikes away at Baszler to start and manages to take her down, but Reginald comes in for the stretching and then leaves. Jax takes Banks down so Bayley, in street clothes, comes in to stomp away. Baszler starts working on the leg but Jax misses a running splash in the corner. We settle down to Nia yelling at Reginald about how she isn’t the boxed wine. Reginald starts picking up the pace with the dodges, only to get run over again. Bayley and Baszler beat on Banks outside as Nia catches Reginald’s crossbody. A double dropkick to the back puts Reginald on top of Jax for the surprise pin at 5:05.

Rating: D+. I’m still not sure where they’re going with this whole thing but it’s still weird to see men and women in the same match. Jax losing doesn’t mean anything anymore after how things have been going for her in recent weeks, but this was certainly a strange way to go with everything. Throw in the fact that it might be a one off deal and it’s even weirder.

Cesaro feels sorry for Seth Rollins, who had the chance to come back as someone new but then did the same thing he did before he left. There is time to deal with Rollins later, because Cesaro need to go win the Elimination Chamber and then the Universal Title. Edge comes up and Wrestlemania is teased.

Rey Mysterio/Dominik Mysterio vs. Alpha Academy

Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode are on commentary, where they insist that they are not ducking the Street Profits. Dominik can’t get very far by trying to wrestle Gable so it’s off to Rey vs. Otis. That goes badly for Rey as well as it’s a World’s Strongest Slam into a big splash. Instead of covering, Otis hits a splash, followed by a few more, which is a DQ at 1:30 when Otis won’t listen to the referee telling him to stop.

Post match Rey is destroyed some more, including a middle rope splash.

Edge and Daniel Bryan bond over bringing their careers back to life. Bryan appreciates that and thinks Edge can thank him by challenging him after Bryan wins the title on Sunday.

Post break, Rey is very slowly helped to the back.

Daniel Bryan, Cesaro and Kevin Owens discuss how often Kevin Owens has turned on people. Bryan: “There have been so many times. I should have made a list.” Owens says they won’t have to worry about a Stunner tonight. Just worry about it on Sunday. Or maybe two, three, four. Cesaro: “At least he’s honest.” Bryan: “Is he?”

Reginald brings Carmella some wine and tries to hide the fact that he was in the match earlier. She’s not mad, because she knows he’ll do the right thing. Or else. Carmella drinks the wine, deems it disgusting, and throws it in his face.

Sasha Banks and Bianca Belair are getting a Women’s Tag Team Title match on Sunday.

Sami Zayn/King Corbin/Jey Uso vs. Daniel Bryan/Kevin Owens/Cesaro

Edge is on commentary as Bryan forearms Uso into the corner. Cesaro comes in for a double slam so Jey bails over to Corbin for the tag. A few shots to the face mean it’s off to Bryan to uppercut Sami into the corner as well. Corbin comes back in for some knees to the ribs but it’s right back to Cesaro to clean house. Some uppercuts put Sami on the floor but Corbin throws him back in like a good partner. That’s fine with Cesaro, who can’t quite get the Swing. Instead Corbin comes back in and gets Swung into a commercial.

Back with the Swing continuing (now that’s a well done editing trick) but Cesaro gets sent outside and thrown over the announcers’ table. Paul Heyman has joined commentary as Cesaro gets beaten up in the corner, including some choking from Corbin. Uso comes back in and hammers away, allowing the tag back to Corbin to continue the hammering away.

Cesaro finally gets in a shot to Corbin and the hot tag brings in Bryan, which Cole and Heyman ignore to keep bickering. Everything breaks down with Owens hitting the Cannonball off the apron to Uso. Zayn rolls Bryan up for two and hits the Blue Thunder Bomb for two with Cesaro making the save. Corbin knocks Cesaro outside as Bryan butterfly superplexes Zayn down, setting up the YES Lock for the tap at 13:07.

Rating: C+. This was fun, though it wasn’t like it means anything other than some minor momentum for Sunday. I like Bryan getting a little push, as they really could go in a bunch of different ways for the Chamber. Bryan is certainly one of them, but it’s not like there is any secret to the fact that this is all about Edge vs. Reigns at Wrestlemania in the end.

Post match the Parade of Finishers is on, with Edge getting in a spear on Uso but getting speared down by Roman Reigns to end the show (note that Reigns just sticks his hand out so Heyman can hand him the title, because that’s what Reigns sees him as being good for).

Overall Rating: C. The reason this show worked out so well was that it didn’t drag. They kept things moving and got to the point, even if they are still trying to hide the fact that Reigns vs. Edge seems all but carved into stone for Wrestlemania. I’m not sure what a lot of the other people are going to get to do, but they had a nice build up to Sunday, which is a nice start on the way there. Good enough show, and it did a nice job of advancing a lot of stories.

Results

Shinsuke Nakamura b. Apollo Crews – Cradle

Natalya/Tamina b. Riott Squad – Swinging Rock Bottom to Riott

Bianca Belair/Reginald/Sasha Banks b. Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler/Bayley – Crossbody to Jax

Rey Mysterio/Dominik Mysterio b. Alpha Academy via DQ when Otis continued attacking Rey

Daniel Bryan/Cesaro/Kevin Owens b. Jey Uso/King Corbin/Sami Zayn – YES Lock to Zayn

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 

Smackdown
Date: February 12, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves

We’re less than two weeks away from Elimination Chamber but you might not realize it around here. There has not been a single Smackdown match announced for the show but that might be changing this week. Roman Reigns apparently has a big announcement and that could be a good thing. Seth Rollins is back too so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here are Roman Reigns, Jey Uso and Paul Heyman for a chat with Adam Pearce, who is already in the ring. Reigns tells Pearce that he isn’t waiting on him so let’s get on with this. Pearce doesn’t call any shots around here and Reigns isn’t waiting on Pearce or Edge. Reigns knows that Edge hasn’t announced his Wrestlemania match because he knows Reigns will beat him all the way onto a Legends contract.

No one is taking the title from him so Edge is holding out hope that someone pulls a miracle before Wrestlemania. Speaking of contracts, Pearce has one in his hand and that is for Reigns’ title defense inside the Elimination Chamber. Reigns hands Heyman the mic, who says Reigns’ contract says he has to defend the title AT Elimination Chamber rather than INSIDE the Elimination Chamber. Instead, the winner can receive a title shot on the against Reigns, who won’t be in the Chamber itself.

Pearce seems to laugh it off but Heyman asks what he’s going to do about it. Fire Reigns this close to Wrestlemania? Last year’s show didn’t have Reigns and it was the lowest attended Wrestlemania of all time. Pearce says it’s time to start the qualifying process, and there are going to be two names who don’t need qualifying matches. Those would be Jey Uso and Kevin Owens, the latter of whom has Reigns outside the ring and in Pearce’s face. Reigns doesn’t think Pearce gets this but Heyman says it’s going to be on Reigns’ time.

Post break Pearce is freaking out over having to get all of the qualifying matches together but Sonya Deville has an idea: a tag team qualifying match with the winning team both getting into the Chamber. Pearce likes the idea, which is good because Sonya has already booked it.

Commentary confirms that the winner of the Chamber match will face Reigns that night.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Rey Mysterio/Dominik Mysterio vs. King Corbin/Sami Zayn

Before the match, Sami talks about how he and Corbin don’t get along but tonight they’re working together so WWE can’t give the Mysterios the spots in the Chamber. Rey and Dominik start fast by sending them to the floor for the double dives and we take a break. Back with Dominik rolling Sami into the corner and hitting a running elbow. Sami is right back with the Blue Thunder Bomb for two and it’s off to Corbin. Everything breaks down and the double 619 hits Corbin, with Rey taking him to the floor. That leaves Dominik to be suplexed into the corner, setting up the Helluva Kick for the pin at 7:33.

Rating: D+. I’m not sure how much drama there was to this one and that’s ok. The Mysterios continue to have problems and a showdown at Wrestlemania wouldn’t surprise me. Zayn and Corbin inside the Chamber should work out wee as they’re the perfect kind of midcarders who could beef things up a little bit.

Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode come in to see Deville and Pearce. They want in the Elimination Chamber, and are even willing to be in different pods. Sonya gives them a chance, in another tag team qualifying match, against Cesaro and Daniel Bryan.

We look back at Bianca Belair talking to Sasha Banks last week when Carmella and Reginald interfered, earning Reginald a whipping.

Reginald brings Sasha Banks some wine but Banks isn’t buying it. She takes the drink anyway and keeps talking to Kalisto.

Here’s Big E. for a chat. He is going to be a fighting champion and, after a Gorilla Glue reference, he mentions being past the Apollo Crews chapter….and here’s Crews to interrupt. Crews accepts the challenge, but Big E. was going to issue the challenge to anyone here except Crews you see. Big E. was looking forward to Michael Cole accepting the challenge but Crews implies Big E. is scared. Big E. lowers the mic and says he has beaten Crews time after time so go back to catering and get your paycheck. Crews gets in his face and a lot of arguing ensues, with Big E. saying they’re done so bring out the next challenger.

Intercontinental Title: Big E. vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Nakamura is challenging and Big E. powers him around to start. That earns him some kicks down and the champ is in some trouble. It’s already time for the Kinshasa but Big E. pulls him into the Big Ending. That’s broken up and Nakamura kicks him in the back of the head. Another Kinshasa is loaded up but Crews runs in to dropkick Big E. for the DQ at 3:24.

Rating: C-. No time for much here as we continue to build towards Crews’ final showdown, likely at Elimination Chamber. That should work out well as Crews at least has a bit more of a background after that US Title reign. I liked how serious Big E. got, but saying Crews can’t have a match isn’t the most heroic thing to do. I don’t think there’s a turn coming or anything, but it didn’t quite feel right.

Video on Seth Rollins.

The locker room comes to the ring for Rollins’ return. After a break here’s Rollins, with BURN IT DOWN again. He’s still in the suit with the one glove though so I’m getting mixed messages here. Rollins is glad to be back and knows that things have changed since he sacrificed himself at Survivor Series. The thing that has changed the most though is him though, because he has become a parent for the first time. He is now the father of a beautiful, perfect baby girl, who has changed his life in ways he never dreamed of.

Rollins sees the talent around here and he wonders where he fits in. Now he knows where that is: Rollins is the great leader that Smackdown needs to push it into the future. Leadership isn’t about what they can do for him but what he can do for them. Everyone walks out as Rollins talks about being a leader and a mentor. Rollins says all you have to do for a better Smackdown is embrace the vision. The lights come back up and he realizes that only Cesaro is left at ringside. Then Cesaro shakes his head and leaves as well, only to have Rollins run to the floor and chop block him. The beatdown is on until referees break it up.

Video on the Elimination Chamber.

Bayley vs. Liv Morgan

Ruby Riott is here with Morgan, who starts fast and hammers away. Bayley misses a clothesline and Morgan hits a middle rope dropkick to the floor, meaning it’s time for a trip to the floor. A dive off the steps takes a bit too long for Morgan and Bayley sends her hard into the barricade instead. Back in and Bayley hits a shoulder breaker to rock Morgan but it’s an enziguri to give Morgan two. Cue Billie Kay to offer Riott her resume, which Riott throws away. The referee gets rid of them though and it’s the Rose Plant to finish Morgan at 3:45.

Rating: D+. The story continues and that’s one of the things I really wish WWE would stop. Bayley beat one half of the Riott Squad thanks to Billie messing up last week and now she did it to the other half this week. It was no secret that they were going in this direction after last week and that’s because WWE is pretty repetitive. That’s not good and it wasn’t even much of a match in the first place.

The Street Profits were at Daytona Motor Speedway this week.

Street Profits vs. Otis/Chad Gable

During the entrances, the Profits say they want the titles back and Otis/Gable train for the smoke. Gable takes Dawkins to the mat to start but Dawkins manages to reverse. They send each other into opposite corners for a standoff so Ford comes in instead. An armdrag into an armbar has Ford flailing around but it’s back to Dawkins to take Gable down. That doesn’t last long as Otis gets the tag and starts to throw Profits around. Ford low bridges Otis to the floor to break up a clothesline though and it’s the Cash Out to finish Gable at 4:50.

Rating: C+. This was a pretty snappy match and that was a nice surprise. Gable and Otis work well together and I could go for seeing them develop a bit more in the future. The Profits continue to be great and you know the rematch for the titles has to be coming sooner rather than later. Everyone was working here though and the pretty short amount of time flew by.

Here’s Sasha Banks to talk about Wrestlemania. She has been dealing with Bianca Belair, who is like a little sister. Cue Belair to say Banks isn’t the boss of her. Those are fighting words so here are Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler to interrupt. Jax can’t believe how big their egos are and asks Shayna if she cares about Belair’s pick. Belair shows us the MY HOLE clip from Raw so the brawl is on. Baszler is knocked down so Jax is tripped onto the apron, meaning she has to stop herself from shouting about….well you get the idea. Belair and Banks take out Baszler as well and the two stand tall.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Bobby Roode/Dolph Ziggler vs. Daniel Bryan/Cesaro

Non-title. Ziggler takes Bryan down for an early two but Cesaro comes in for a double slam. It’s off to Roode, who has to avoid the YES Lock, and gets sent outside. Cesaro is right there and is whipped into the steps. Sami Zayn and King Corbin come out to watch and we take a break.

Back with Bryan in trouble as Roode snaps off a suplex for two and hands it back to Ziggler. Bryan takes Ziggler down but Roode decks Cesaro, allowing Bryan to grab a rollup for two. Roode’s spinebuster gets two more on Bryan but Ziggler misses a charge in the corner, allowing the hot tag to Cesaro. Everything breaks down and Bryan hits Roode with the running knee. The Fameasser gets two on Cesaro but he’s right back up with the Swing into the Sharpshooter to make Ziggler tap at 11:04.

Rating: C+. Another good match between talented teams, even if the Tag Team Titles get their annual smack in the face for the sake of some qualifying matches. In this case I’m not sure who else could have taken the loss, but I would have preferred it not to be the champs. Bryan and Cesaro winning was mostly but not entirely obvious and that’s a nice feeling.

Post match Jey Uso, Sami Zayn and King Corbin all come in for the brawl. Everyone goes at it until Kevin Owens runs in for the Stunnerfest. Roman Reigns watches from the back as Owens sits down, saying that he’s coming for Reigns to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This show worked well for me for one reason: those tag team qualifying matches. Both of them were pretty good, but the real reason they were nice to see was they were different. Instead of the usual four singles matches, they actually threw in something fresh for a change and that’s nice to see. Not so much the idea was brilliant, but it was a change from the norm and I can absolutely go for that over the same old stuff that they do all the time. The rest of the show was fine enough, but I like that they’re actually taking some different paths week to week.

Results

Sami Zayn/King Corbin b. Rey Mysterio/Dominik Mysterio – Helluva Kick to Dominik

Big E. b. Shinsuke Nakamura via DQ when Apollo Crews interfered

Bayley b. Liv Morgan – Rose Plant

Street Profits b. Chad Gable/Otis – Cash Out to Gable

Cesaro/Daniel Bryan b. Dolph Ziggler/Robert Roode – Sharpshooter to Ziggler

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Smackdown
Date: February 5, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves

The Royal Rumble has come and gone and, should the men’s winner Edge take the blue route, he will be challenging Roman Reigns, who retained the Universal Title. He has about nine weeks to decide where to go, as does Bianca Belair, who won the women’s Royal Rumble. Let’s get to it.

Here’s the Royal Rumble if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the Royal Rumbles.

Here are Roman Reigns (Cole: “The ever aloof.”), Jey Uso and Paul Heyman to get things going. Reigns says he doesn’t says he doesn’t like talking about the past and would rather look to the future, because the future seems to be Edge. Reigns goes on a rant about how he’s the best (including calling himself WWE Champion) and asking why Edge is wasting time on Raw and NXT. Why not come here and bring yourself to the island of relevancy?

Now why is he out here first anyway? Edge is making the head of the table wait? Heyman says Edge is here so he needs to get out here right now. Heyman: “Music and entrance for Edge please. PYRO FOR EDGE PLEASE!” No one shows up and Heyman whispers something to Reigns, who does not seem pleased. Reigns isn’t happy with Edge disrespecting him and gets serious, saying Edge is going to give him his decision by the end of the night.

King Corbin vs. Dominick Mysterio

Rey Mysterio is here with Dominick but Corbin jumps both of them on the way to the ring, including launching Rey off the stage. We start after a break with Dominick firing off a dropkick but getting knocked down in a hurry. Rey is having his knee examined as Corbin continues to hammer away and grabs a chinlock. Corbin elbows him down again and asks if Rey has been training Dominick.

Back up and Dominick manages to send him outside for the dive as Rey drags himself to ringside. We take a break and come back with Dominick hitting a neckbreaker for two. Deep Six plants Dominick for two but he sends Corbin outside again. Rey has gone underneath the ring and grabs Corbin’s leg, setting up the 619. The frog splash gives Dominick the pin at 9:23.

Rating: C-. Well that was pretty nefarious. I’m not exactly feeling what is coming off as a bit of a Dominick heel leaning but Dominick vs. Rey could be somewhat interesting if that is where we wind up going. That being said, having Corbin involved is not exactly the best way to go with anything, but that hasn’t stopped WWE before.

We look at Sami Zayn interfering in the Intercontinental Title match two weeks ago.

Big E. talks about being ready to fight tonight to defend his Intercontinental Title. Much like Lady Liberty, bring him your tired, hungry, bearded and bald because we are going to fight for this prize.

Daniel Bryan vs. Cesaro

They start fast with Bryan going after the arm and then backdropping Cesaro out to the floor. The dive takes Cesaro down again but he blasts Bryan with an uppercut back inside. We see Shinsuke Nakamura watching from the back before Bryan kicks the springboard corkscrew uppercut out of the air. A YES Kick gets two but Cesaro (who has been cut open on the side of his head) is back up with a torture rack into a backbreaker. The Swing sets up the Sharpshooter….and Bryan taps at 4:14.

Rating: C. I wouldn’t have bet on that one but dang if they aren’t giving Cesaro a nice something as of late. I’m still far from believing that any of this is going to matter in the long run after being burned far too many times, but it’s nice to see for a change. If nothing else, who would have expected such a clean and easy win?

Respect is shown post match.

We look at Bianca Belair winning the Royal Rumble.

We see Bianca Belair’s parents watching her win live, including her dad climbing onto the coffee table and then falling over the back of the couch.

Belair is asked who she is going to face but she is so excited and can’t listen to everyone telling her what to do. She is going to do it her way and announce her decision soon.

Seth Rollins is back next week. Again.

Bayley vs. Ruby Riott

Liv Morgan is at ringside and Billie Kay is on commentary, where she insists that she was only allegedly thrown out of both the Riott Squad and Royal Rumble. Riott nails an early Riott Kick for two but Bayley throws her face first into the top turnbuckle. It’s time to work on the armbar but Riott fights up and sends her face first into the buckle to even things up.

Riott’s rollup gets two so Bayley sends her throat first (a lot of firsts in this one) into the bottom rope. A Stunner over the middle rope sets up another armbar so Billie gets up to shove the ropes closer to Riott. Morgan doesn’t like that and gets in an argument with Billie, leaving Riott to get caught with the bulldog driver for the pin at 3:59.

Rating: C-. This was more about the Riott Squad than anything else and that’s not the worst thing. Billie continues to be an absolute gem and has come miles after going I guess what you call solo. The resume thing is hilarious and now I’m not sure she even needs to rejoin Peyton Royce. At this point, she’s far more entertaining on her own and that’s great to see.

Post match Billie offers Bayley a resume.

Edge is here.

Here’s Bianca Belair for her big interview after winning the Royal Rumble. Everything has blown up since she won the Royal Rumble and she has had to ask who a lot of people are with all of these texts. Now she has a decision to make because Asuka and Sasha Banks are both interesting opponents. Cue Reginald to say Belair can’t beat Sasha or Carmella, which draws out Carmella to say the same thing.

Now it’s Sasha coming out to say she isn’t looking at Carmella anymore because that’s in the rear view mirror. Belair has her attention now because she has seen what Belair can do in the Royal Rumble. Yeah Belair can be the strongest and the fastest but the best? Belair may have it all, but she doesn’t have the title. Reginald says Belair will lose if she picks Sasha so Belair whips him out with the hair to wrap things up with no decision.

Roman Reigns is told Edge is here.

Sami Zayn can’t believe how unfair everything has been to him but tonight it’s time for some happy footage when he gets the Intercontinental Title back.

Otis/Chad Gable vs. Robert Roode/Dolph Ziggler

Non-title and the Street Profits are doing commentary in a window in the corner of the screen. Gable easily outwrestles Ziggler and takes him into the corner, where a dropkick puts Gable down. The Profits try to figure out why they can’t get a rematch as Roode suplexes Gable for two. Gable kicks him away though and the hot tag brings in Otis to start throwing people around. The Caterpillar (with the Profits bouncing along with Otis) hits Roode and it’s Gable hitting the Rolling Chaos Theory on Ziggler. Roode is back up though and the Glorious DDT finishes Gable at 3:31.

Rating: C. I know the Profits probably got on people’s nerves here and that’s understandable. However, the thing that made this work was it was different. If there is one thing that WWE really needs to fix, it is how stale their presentation feels. Just throwing something in there like this made the match at least feel different and that’s a good thing. WWE needs some fresh ideas and if they are actually trying something, good for them.

We look at the first ever Main Event, thirty three years ago today.

Hulk Hogan (with Jimmy Hart in the background) talks about the match and hypes up Edge’s decision. Hogan had absolutely nothing to say here and it was obvious.

Edge meets Shinsuke Nakamura.

Intercontinental Title: Apollo Crews vs. Sami Zayn vs. Big E.

Big E. is defending and Sami is chased outside early. Crews rolls some German suplexes for two on Big E. with Sami coming in for the save. Sami is sent outside though with Big E. following him, allowing Crews to hit the big flip dive onto the champ. Crews nails a great looking apron moonsault to crush Big E. again but Sami dives off the steps to take him down.

We come back from a break with Sami choking on the ropes but Big E. fights up and snaps off the suplexes to Crews. Sami gets put down as well and there’s the double Warrior Splash. With Sami on the floor, Crews hits an enziguri on Big E. but gets dumped to the floor. The release Rock Bottom out of the corner plants Sami for two more but Crews knocks Big E. down again.

Crews’ frog splash gets two on Sami, only to have Big E. suplex both of them at the same time. With that crazy power display taken care of, Big E.’s spear through the ropes is cut off by a knee to the face. The Helluva Kick hits Big E. for two with Crews making the save this time. Now Sami is frustrated again so Crews hits him in the head over and over. Crews throws Sami over the timekeeper’s table but walks into the Big Ending for the pin at 11:54.

Rating: B. This felt like a really nice B level house show main event. There wasn’t a ton of drama about Big E. winning but they had him break enough of a sweat that it felt like a title change could have been a remote possibility. I wouldn’t have bet on that in this one, which felt like it went a lot further than it should have. Nice job.

Post match Big E. is all fired up but Crews glares at him from behind.

Seth Rollins is still back next week.

Here’s Edge for the big closing segment. Edge talks about how he spent the last seven months dreaming. He was dreaming every mile he logged because he wanted to get back something that was his. Then he outlasted twenty nine of the best in the world today to win the Royal Rumble. Now he isn’t sure who he should face at the Royal Rumble. He asks his family and gets one answer, then he asks his friend and gets another answer. Then he was on his way here tonight and asked someone on the corner and got another answer. Edge: “His name was John. He was a nice guy.”

Cue Roman Reigns and company to cut things off though as we get a bit more serious. Edge thinks it’s funny that Reigns already needs backup, but Reigns promises that Paul won’t make a move. Reigns sends Jey to the bus because he has this himself. Edge has one chance to acknowledge him as the main event of Wrestlemania….but here’s Kevin Owens with a Stunner to Reigns before Edge can say a word to end the show. I don’t think anyone was really expecting a decision from Edge here and they still have time to set things up in the future, but we’re really not done with Owens vs. Reigns?

Overall Rating: C+. Unlike Raw, this show actually had some energy and that’s one of the best things that can be said about a big follow up show. They have time to announce the Rumble decisions later, so this was more along the lines of setting up the new reality. We now have Wrestlemania coming up a heck of a lot sooner than later and that is going to dominate everything. It certainly dominated Elimination Chamber, which wasn’t even mentioned despite being in just over two weeks. Overall, good show here, with some solid action and a nice feeling that the stakes are being raised.

Results

Dominick Mysterio b. King Corbin – Frog splash

Cesaro b. Daniel Bryan – Sharpshooter

Bayley b. Ruby Riott – Bulldog driver

Robert Roode/Dolph Ziggler b. Otis/Chad Gable – Glorious DDT to Gable

Big E. b. Apollo Crews and Sami Zayn – Big Ending to Crews

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 2021
Date: January 31, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Samoa Joe, Tom Phillips

It’s officially the Road To Wrestlemania and that should only be a good thing. The other major positive this year is how wide open both Rumbles could be, which means we could be in for a lot of drama. Other than that though, it is going to be a bit sad to watch the Rumble with no crowd. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Women’s Tag Team Titles: Asuka/Charlotte vs. Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler

Jax and Baszler are challenging and it’s Charlotte grappling with Baszler to start. Charlotte gets the better of things and takes it over to Asuka in the corner for an exchange of kicks with Baszler. Jax and Charlotte come back in with Charlotte driving her into the corner and handing it back to Asuka. That means a running splash in the corner from Jax and Baszler starts pulling on the arm. Asuka fights up and manages a facebuster but Jax is right back with a sitout powerbomb for two.

Baszler comes back in but Asuka gets over for the tag to Charlotte so the pace can pick up. A double Natural Selection drops both challengers and gets two on Baszler. Jax is still down so Baszler hits a hard running knee for two on Charlotte. With Jax and Baszler both on the floor, Charlotte hits a moonsault onto both of them but here’s Ric Flair. Charlotte shrugs off the distraction though and grabs the Figure Eight, only to have Lacey Evans pop up with the Woman’s Right with brass knuckles to knock Charlotte silly. The big leg from Jax finishes Charlotte for the titles at 10:27.

Rating: C. This could have been on any given Raw but I’m getting scared of the idea of building up to a Charlotte vs. Lacey Evans match at Wrestlemania with all of the focus on Ric. The match was acceptable enough, but the important thing was the title change. Charlotte and Asuka never should have been champions and thankfully this mess of a reign ended in about a month.

The opening video looks at some famous Rumble finishes over the years and how this can mean a new beginning for anyone who could win. Not bad at all.

We recap Goldberg vs. Drew McIntyre for the WWE Title. Goldberg made a surprise return at Raw Legends and challenged McIntyre. There isn’t much more to it than that but the key has been that Goldberg returns and wins titles.

Raw World Title: Goldberg vs. Drew McIntyre

McIntyre is defending and a Glasgow Kiss sets up a spear to Goldberg before the bell. They head outside with Goldberg sending him into the steps and there’s a spear through the barricade. McIntyre manages to get back in and the bell rings, with the Claymore hitting for two at about five seconds. Another Claymore misses and the ribs are banged up so Goldberg hits the spear. Another spear connects for two and a not very good Jackhammer gets two on McIntyre (now THAT is something you don’t see very often). Goldberg misses another spear and the Claymore retains the title at 2:32. And there’s the sigh of relief.

Post match respect is shown and Goldberg says McIntyre passed the test.

Sasha Banks says she is going to be celebrating when she drinks the finest champagne of Carmella’s tears.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Sasha Banks vs. Carmella

Carmella, with Reginald, is challenging despite having failed to win the title in multiple previous title shots. An early Bank Statement attempt sends Carmella bailing to the floor and the trash talk starts from there. Back in and Banks takes her down with a front facelock before trying the rope walk armdrag. That’s broken up and a Reginald distraction lets Carmella knock her down and the chinlock is on. Back up and Carmella takes her to the top but gets knocked away, setting up the Meteora.

Banks comes up favoring her knee so Carmella hammers away and shouts about how much better she is. Carmella gets knocked into the corner again and the slingshot double knees connect for two. Two Amigos connect and Banks is thrown outside, with Reginald making a catch. Sasha headscissors him down so Reginald is ejected but Carmella nails a suicide dive. Back in and a trio of rollups give Banks two each, followed by the Third Amigo. The frog splash hits knees though and Carmella nails a low superkick for two. Not that it matters as Banks pulls her into the Bank Statement to retain at 10:22.

Rating: C-. Total TV level match here without the most drama in the world. Banks is not about to lose the title to Carmella, who never really felt like that big of a threat. The match worked out fine enough, but the build wasn’t great and it felt like more of a matter of killing time with a token title defense more than anything else.

Big E. fires up Xavier Woods in the back, saying they need an hour to take their place among the wrestling gods. Sami Zayn comes up to say they’re part of the conspiracy but Kofi Kingston, in gear, comes up to hype up the team. Of note: New Day has matching Brodie Lee/Luke Harper gear.

Bad Bunny, with Booker T., performs his song about Booker T.

Rumble By The Numbers video.

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals, Jerry Lawler is on commentary and Bayley (with COLE cut into the back of her hair because she wants to challenge him after she wins) is in at #1 and Naomi is in at #2. Bayley talks trash to start but Naomi jumps over her and snaps off a hurricanrana (minus most of the snap). A springboard kick to the face sets up the Rear View but neither can get the elimination. Bianca Belair is in at #3 and it’s a spinebuster into a handspring moonsault for two on Bayley.

Naomi tries a powerbomb on Belair but they roll around (as in they do something close to cartwheels without letting to, causing Lawler to say “that’s how I roll”) until Naomi winds up on the apron. Billie Kay is in at #4 but sits in on commentary because the ring is stacked at the moment (her words). Bayley shoulders them both in the corner and it’s Shotzi Blackheart, with tank, in at #5.

Billie tries to offer her resume so Shotzi fires said cannon at her to draw some screams. Shotzi gets in and cleans house as Kay is back on commentary to wait for a better partner. Shayna Baszler is in at #6 so Baszler offers a resume, earning herself a shove into the barricade. To continue the tradition, Baszler gets in and hits a bunch of people but no one has been eliminated yet, though Billie still hasn’t gotten in the ring.

It’s Toni Storm in at #7 and THIS TIME FOR SURE for Billie, but this time time Toni just walks past her. Toni hits some hip attacks but walks into the Rear View as Billie can’t believe how badly this has gone so far. Baszler gets rid of Shotzi and Jillian Hall, with the song, is in at #8. Billie proposes a team of Billie and Jillie…..and Hall actually goes for it, with Billie finally getting in the ring. There’s a double suplex to Naomi and it’s Ruby Riott in at #9.

Riott strikes away at Storm but gets caught with a German suplex. Kay saves Riott for some reason and now Jillian agrees to help them as well, though Riott doesn’t seem interested. Victoria is another surprise return at #10, giving us Bayley, Naomi, Belair, Kay, Baszler, Storm, Hall, Riott and Victoria for a rather full ring.

Peyton Royce is in at #11 but Billie isn’t sure if she should do the IIconics pose with Peyton or keep teaming with Riott. Victoria gets annoyed at Peyton for doing something like the Widow’s Peak and shows her how it’s done. Santana Garrett from NXT is in at #12 and some eliminations are teased with no one going out. Again. Liv Morgan is in at #13 and it’s Oblivion to Bayley.

The Riott Squad gets together until Jillian kicks them down, only to turn on Victoria as well. Billie kicks Jillian out and screams about it so the Squad gets rid of her as well. Rhea Ripley is in at #14 and now we should clear out some of these people. House is cleaned with a series of kicks to the face and Storm is out in a hurry. Victoria grabs a Tarantula on Shayna and with that broken up, the Kirifuda Clutch is good for the fast elimination. Some kicks to the face get rid of Garrett and it’s Charlotte in at #15, though she’s walking rather slowly.

House is cleaned in a hurry, with Charlotte knocking Ripley down twice and getting in a pair of nipups. Bayley and Riott are knocked outside, but only Riott is eliminated as Bayley went through the ropes. Dana Brooke is in at #16 and goes up top for a flip dive onto a bunch of people. Liv’s handspring headscissors is a bad idea as Peyton kicks her out and it’s Torrie Wilson in at #17 (allowing commentary to continue the myth that she was ever anything serious).

Ripley is sent to the apron so Brooke charges, only to get powerbombed onto the apron for the elimination as Ripley seemed like she barely held on. Ric Flair introduces Lacey Evans, in a copy of Charlotte’s robe, who is in at #18. The match basically stops so Charlotte can stare at Lacey and then beat the fire out of her. They fight to the floor (neither is eliminated) and the ring is full of feathers from the robe. Charlotte gets back on the apron and pulls Royce out, followed by Shayna getting rid of Torrie and Belair dumping Bayley.

Mickie James, billed as a legend, is in at #19 and the staredown with Charlotte is on in a hurry. They slug it out for a bit until Mickie manages a hurricanrana out of the corner to drop Charlotte. With no one being eliminated, Nikki Cross is in at #20, giving us Naomi, Belair, Baszler, Ripley, Charlotte, Evans, James and Cross.

It’s Cross getting to clean house and Alicia Fox of all people is in at #21. Hold on though as here’s R-Truth to try and enter the match, with the gang of morons following. Actually Fox pins him to win the title but it’s Mandy Rose in at #22. Fox is tossed and Truth gets the title back, meaning the chase is on again. NXT’s Dakota Kai is in at #23 and hits a bunch of clothesline. Lacey punches James out but Belair can’t get rid of Naomi. Carmella is in at #24, with Reginald giving her water and the required mirror.

Ripley drops Kai HARD onto the apron for the eliminations (referees are right there to check on her) and then gets rid of Mandy as a bonus. Cross tries to toss Carmella but Reginald makes the save, allowing Carmella to toss Cross instead. Tamina is in st #25 and superkicks Reginald, who was saving Carmella, meaning it’s another elimination.

Tamina and Ripley have a staredown, with Tom Phillips lying to us by calling it “interesting”. Belair knocks Naomi to the floor but she lands on her back, meaning the feet never touched. Naomi grabs Belair by the hair and uses it like a rope to pull herself back in (with Belair hanging onto the bottom rope by her feet).

They’re both back in and it’s Lana in at #26. She can’t get rid of Ripley and things settle back down in a hurry. Alexa Bliss is in at #27 and gets to clean house for a bit but everyone jumps her….and the lights go out because she starts becoming the Fiend…..but Ripley tosses her anyway. Well at least it fixed the lights. Ember Moon is in at #28 and it’s a not great Eclipse to Baszler. A double middle rope Codebreaker hits Charlotte and Tamina and Nia Jax is in at #29.

Baszler kicks Lacey out and Jax gets rid of Moon to clear the ring a bit. Jax and Baszler get rid of Naomi but Jax sides with Tamina (family) over Baszler. Tamina superkicks Jax though, with Baszler making the save to get rid of Tamina in a hurry. Baszler and Jax slug it out until Ripley breaks it up, only to have Jax toss Baszler. Lana jumps on Jax’s back, followed by a low bridge to get rid of Jax. Natalya is in at #30 to complete the field, giving us Belair, Charlotte, Lana, Belair and Natalya, but Jax and Baszler jump Natalya in the aisle.

Jax and Baszler beat up everyone else and then throw Natalya inside, with everyone down. We get another reunion between Natalya and Lana, with the former turning on her again for the elimination. Natalya gets Ripley to the apron but Belair dumps Natalya to get us down to three. Charlotte smiles at Ripley and Belair and it’s time for the three way staredown. Charlotte goes after both of them and manages a suplex on Belair. A missed big boot puts Charlotte on the apron though and a pair of forearms gets us down to Ripley vs. Belair.

They’re both on the apron in a hurry and wind up sitting down for the staredown. They agree to get back in and it’s Belair driving in shoulders in the corner. Ripley is knocked to the apron again but she slides through Belair’s legs and a double hair takedown gives them a breather. Back up and they slug it out with the Glam Slam and Riptide being countered. The KOD is broken up as well but Belair ducks a shot and clotheslines Ripley out to win at 58:55.

Rating: B-. The ending is what mattered here as you had two young, mostly unproven stars fighting for the big win and Belair pulled it off. That’s what the point of the Royal Rumble is all about and it worked here. The rest of the match was pretty good but not great, with a few too many goofy/legendary (ok that might be a stretch) entrants and turning on each other spots, but that’s minor by comparison. Belair winning is the right call in a match where they could have gone a lot of different ways.

Post match Belair is in tears as she dedicates the win to her parents. How in the world is she better as a face?

Miz and John Morrison talk to Bad Bunny but get scared off by Booker T.

The Kickoff Show panel talk about the women’s Rumble and the Kickoff Show title change. Cue R-Truth, who is distracted by a possible John Cena sighting. Peter Rosenberg hits him low and steals the 24/7 Title.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens for Reigns’ Universal Title. Owens has had Reigns beaten twice but Reigns has cheated to retain the title. The key is that Owens won’t stay down, so tonight it’s a Last Man Standing match. WWE official Adam Pearce was involved as well, as he was #1 contender but handed it to Owens to mess with Reigns.

Smackdown World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is challenging and it’s Last Man Standing. Reigns starts fast with a Superman Punch for four but Owens is right back with the Pop Up Powerbomb for the same. They head outside with Owens being sent into the steps and getting caught with a spear for nowhere near ten. That means Reigns can start hammering him with the steps as they head off to the area near the stage.

Owens manages to get in a shot to the face though and the shot with the steps puts Reigns on a table. A missed chair shot lets Reigns get in another right hand and they fight into the area around the fan screens. They head up another level and Owens gets in a few chair shots to the knees. Reigns is back with some chair shots of his own but gets caught by a Stunner. That’s fine with Reigns, who gets in a shot to the face and throws Owens off the stands and through the tables.

Owens is up at nine and stumbles backstage….where Reigns runs him over with a golf cart (strike up the AEW fans). Reigns makes the mistake of saying that Owens’ grandfathers aren’t happy with Owens, sending Owens into a rage. The Pop Up Powerbomb puts Reigns onto a table and a frog splash drives him through it for the crash. Reigns makes it up again so Owens hits him in the face with a ladder. Owens puts him on a table and then raises a forklift to give him something to use for a Swanton (good thing there was a camera above the forklift for a good angle).

Somehow Reigns beats the count at nine but is down at ten, which is good enough to keep things going. They head back into the arena with Reigns almost begging off but managing a spear through the set. That’s only good for nine as Owens rolls off the stage, with Reigns looking rather frustrated. Reigns says he can’t quit because he can’t go home if he does, and pulls out some handcuffs.

Owens manages another Stunner and handcuffs Reigns to the set, where Reigns can’t get to his feet. The referee gets to nine so Reigns sends him face first into the set, allowing Paul Heyman to come up and unlock the cuffs. Actually hang on as it takes so long that the referee spontaneously stops counting. Reigns finally gets out and guillotine chokes Owens out for the win at 24:54.

Rating: B-. Oh man that ending destroyed everything they had going on as Heyman took probably over a minute to unhook those handcuffs. As usual, this was like watching a hardcore match where your video kept buffering as they would do a spot, then stop, then do a spot, then stop. Reigns winning was the right call and there were some good spots, but the ending hurt it and there was a lot of stalling again.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals and Edge is in at #1 and Randy Orton is in at #2. They waste no time in brawling to the floor, with both guys ramming the other into the announcers’ table. Sami Zayn is in at #3 and they fight inside, with Edge getting double teamed. Mustafa Ali is in at #4 and goes after Edge because he doesn’t like Hall of Famers and legends coming in and taking his spot. Fair enough actually.

Jeff Hardy is in at #5 but Orton starts snapping off RKO’s. Edge hits a spear to Orton though and they head outside with Edge hammering away again. Dolph Ziggler is in at #6 as Edge hits an Impaler onto the announcers’ table Orton is busted open as Edge chairs him in the knee. Ziggler eliminates Hardy as referees come out to pull Edge off of Orton. Shinsuke Nakamura is in at #7 as Orton is slowly carried to the back.

It’s Carlito in at #8 as the first surprise return so we can get a battle of the apple with Nakamura. Xavier Woods is in at #9 and goes right after Ali but gets jumped by Zayn. Big E. is in at #10, giving us Edge, Orton (out but not eliminated), Zayn, Ali, Ziggler, Nakamura, Carlito, Woods and Big E.

New Day gets together to clean some house as John Morrison is in at #11. Big E. gets rid of Zayn and Ali dumps Woods but gets tossed out by Big E. to clear the ring a bit. Ricochet is in at #12 and gets to pick up the pace a lot. Edge can’t keep up with Ricochet and it’s Elias in at #13 to clean house, with Graves not being pleased. A jumping knee catches Carlito and Elias tosses him out.

Nakamura suplexes Ziggler and it’s Damian Priest in at #14. The Reckoning hits Elias and some kicks to the face rock Morrison. Priest tosses Elias as we see Orton getting his knee treated. Edge and Priest slug it out but neither is out as Miz is in at #15. Hold on though as he needs to stop and destroy Bad Bunny’s DJ setup. With that out of the way, it’s the Skull Crushing Finale on Big E. Miz and Morrison start cleaning house but cue Bad Bunny, allowing Priest to toss the two of them. Bunny dives onto Miz and Morrison and it’s Riddle in at #16.

A Nakamura vs. Riddle slugout gets the fans’ attention but Priest breaks it up. Daniel Bryan is in at #17 and strikes away with little avail. Kane (looking like he’s just done with this stuff) is in at #18 and gets rid of Ziggler and Ricochet. We get a Team H*** NO reunion but Kane drops Bryan in a hurry. Priest and Kane have a showdown with Priest escaping the chokeslam and striking away.

Kane is tossed to give Priest his badge of honor and it’s King Corbin in at #19. Nakamura kicks him in the face as commentary talks about Giant Gonzalez. Corbin gives Nakamura Deep Six and tosses him out. Otis is in at #20, giving us Edge, Orton (in the back), Big E., Priest, Riddle, Bryan, Corbin and Otis for a big field. The Caterpillar connects but Corbin tosses Otis in a hurry.

Dominick Mysterio is in at #21 and is taken down by Corbin in a hurry. That doesn’t last long though as Dominick gets up and tosses Corbin, sending Cole through the roof. Riddle and Priest slug it out as Bobby Lashley is in at #22. Lashley sends Dominick flying out and clotheslines Priest out as well. Big E. and Lashley slug it out as I’m much more intrigued than I would have expected. Lashley gets powered up and has no idea what to do with Big E., who wants him to bring it. That’s broken up and it’s Hurricane in at #23.

The double chokeslam to Big E. and Lashley doesn’t work (Graves: “There’s a difference between being delusional and having a death wish.”) and Hurricane is out in a hurry. In your big surprise, Christian of all people is in at #24 (Edge is stunned but then smiles) and helps low bridge Lashley out. Christian hits the Unprettier on Big E. (remember: he was #1 contender to the Intercontinental Title when he retired) and we get the big (and rather emotional) reunion with Edge. Riddle tries to interfere and gets taken down in a hurry, setting up Edge’s assisted splash.

AJ Styles, with Omos, is in at #25 and Peles Christian (dang that’s nice to be able to say) in a hurry. The spear drops AJ and it’s Rey Mysterio (with a beer themed mask as WWE is now endorsing the product, meaning Cole gets in a commercial) in at #26. Omos saves AJ from getting eliminated and then pulls Big E. out. Big E. gets knocked over the announcers’ table and it’s Christian vs. Bryan against the ropes. Sheamus is in at #27 and gives Edge the ten forearms to the chest.

Omos breaks up a 619 to AJ and pulls Rey (with his stupid beer mask, including logo) out for an elimination. Cesaro is in at #28 and Swings Sheamus (Sheamus: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING???”), followed by one to Bryan as well. Seth Rollins makes his big return at #29 and slugs it out with Cesaro. It’s Braun Strowman in at #30, giving us a final group of Edge, Orton (still not eliminated), Riddle, Bryan, Christian, Styles, Sheamus, Cesaro, Rollins and Strowman.

It’s time to clean some house as Strowman gets rid of Cesaro, Sheamus and Styles in a hurry. Edge and Christian spear Strowman down as Rollins is on the floor without being eliminated. Bryan and Riddle strike it out but Edge takes Riddle’s place. The running knee has Edge in trouble but he hangs on to avoid the elimination. There’s a running dropkick to Christian and another one to Strowman in the corner. Riddle and Bryan fight again with Bryan being sent to the apron, only to come back in with a missile dropkick.

Rollins comes back in with a Stomp to Bryan and the elimination, setting up a showdown with Riddle. The Final Flash sends Rollins outside but Strowman gives Riddle a right hand. A Stomp on the apron gets rid of Riddle, so Rollins tells Strowman that they need to team up. Strowman throws Rollins down instead and runs over Edge and Christian. Edge gets to the apron and tries to leverage Strowman out so Christian comes over to help. Rollins dumps Edge and Christian and Edge tosses Rollins…..so Orton can come back in with the RKO. Edge is right back up to toss Orton though and wins at 59:12.

Rating: B. The ending helped this one a lot as I wouldn’t have bet on Edge winning the whole thing. It felt like a genuine surprise and the impossible dream of returning to the top of the mountain can be an incredible story. You can go a lot of ways with that and it was nice to have the Orton “surprise” run in not work for him. Hopefully they don’t do another Edge vs. Orton match, but they can burn it off at Fastlane or Elimination Chamber if they have to.

As for the rest of the match, thank goodness they had Christian for a genuine surprise because it was lacking pretty hard otherwise. There were some good moments but a lot of it felt like going through the motions. The limited surprises they had were just ok, save for Christian who actually shocked me. Overall it’s a pretty strong Rumble, but the Edge and Christian focus made up a good chunk of the positives.

A .7 Rousey sign pointing ends the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a weird one as the Rumbles are both good and I was happy with the winners, but I wasn’t wild on the majority of the Rumble matches. The rest of the card was the usual hit or miss show, but overall this show, like every Royal Rumble, is going to be judged based on the Rumble finishes. Those worked well here and they have a direction for Wrestlemania, though they have a lot of other questions left to answer on the way there.

Results

Drew McIntyre b. Goldberg – Claymore

Sasha Banks b. Carmella – Bank Statement

Bianca Belair won the women’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Rhea Ripley

Roman Reigns b. Kevin Owens – Owens could not answer the ten count

Edge won the men’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Randy Orton

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2020
Date: January 26, 2020
Location: Minute Maid Park, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Vic Joseph, Jerry Lawler, Tom Phillips

It’s time to get started on the Road to Wrestlemania and while you could say the Rumbles are predictable, you could also say that they’re wide open. This is a very strange situation and I’m rather pleased with that. I’m not sure who is going to win either but they’re going to mean a lot. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Shorty G. vs. Sheamus

Tale as old as time: monster vs. guy with a stupid name. Sheamus shrugs off a wristlock to start and hits a crossface shot to the face. Gable is back up with a running crossbody over the top so Sheamus hits him a few more time. Gable’s ear is bleeding and Sheamus grabs an armbar as we take a break.

Back with Sheamus working on the arm and then hitting the ten forearms to the chest. More forearms to the chest on the floor make it worse but Gable is back with a dropkick to the knee to stagger him. Some Liger kicks in the corner put Sheamus down and Gable stomps away at the leg. The moonsault connects for two and it’s Rolling Chaos Theory for the same. Gable grabs the ankle lock but Sheamus rolls out, only to have it go on again. That’s broken up again and Gables gets two off a crucifix. Back up the Brogue Kick gives Sheamus the pin at 12:31.

Rating: C. Just a match here and they were smart to put this on the Kickoff Show instead of doing it on the regular card. This is the kind of match that wasn’t exactly hard to predict as it was all about Sheamus being the monster and running over Gable, which isn’t quite a story that gets people excited but at least WWE can make more short jokes.

Kickoff Show: United States Title: Andrade vs. Humberto Carrillo

Andrade is defending and they go with the dodging to start. Carrillo sends him outside for the slingshot dropkick through the ropes but the dive off the top only hits barricade. Back from a break with Andrade hitting a running kick to the side of the head and countering the high angle armdrag. Carrillo elbows him in the head though and now the springboard crossbody can drop the champ.

The rolling moonsault hits raised knees though and Andrade tries a baseball slide, only to wind up on the floor for an Asai moonsault. Back in and Andrade tries Three Amigos but Carrillo reverses the third into one of his own. The top rope moonsault misses as well though and Andrade rolls him up into the corner. Andrade’s running knees in the corner get two and they stagger to their feet to slug it out. They go to the corner with Andrade getting in a shot to the face, only to have Carrillo snap off a super hurricanrana for two. Carrillo tries another hurricanrana but Andrade reverses into a sunset flip to retain at 14:31.

Rating: C. This never got into that next gear, though they got the winner right. Carrillo is someone who the fans haven’t taken to yet and really, I’m not sure what it’s going to take to make them care. There isn’t much to him as far as charisma goes and that’s not enough when you have people who can fly just as well if not better. Fine for a Kickoff Show match, but that’s all it needed to be.

The opening video is narrated by Steve Austin, who talks about how important the Royal Rumble is because it can send you to Wrestlemania. Always cool to see Austin used for something important.

Roman Reigns vs. King Corbin

Falls Count Anywhere. Reigns goes after Corbin’s throne carriers and the fight is on before they get in the ring. Corbin is sent into the post and Reigns hammers away inside. The Samoan drop is blocked though and Corbin gets in a right hand for a breather. Corbin heads outside but gets pulled back over the barricade so the fight can continue. Back in and Corbin hits Deep Six for two but Reigns is right back up.

They fight outside again and over the barricade, this time into the crowd for the walking around the stadium sequence. It’s back to ringside with Reigns being dropped onto the announcers’ table for two, followed by a chokeslam through another announcers’ table for the same. With Corbin being rather frustrated, it’s time to go back through the crowd for more punching.

Reigns hits a Samoan drop through an international announcers’ table and then does the same thing again for two. They go over to the tech area and here are Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode to jump Reigns (you knew that was coming). Ziggler busts out a chain but here are the Usos to even things up. We stay on this brawl for a good while with Roode and Ziggler getting the better of things….until Jimmy dives off a balcony to take them down. Corbin remembers he’s in the match and drops Jimmy onto a barricade.

Reigns is back with a Superman Punch to Corbin and then hits another one…before throwing Corbin in a portable toilet. Of course it’s turned over, because doing this gag with Braun Strowman and Kevin Owens in 2018 is completely forgotten. Corbin rolls out (thankfully without the sight gag) and they fight towards ringside with Corbin hitting him onto the dugout. They fight on top of the dugout with Reigns hitting a Superman punch and spear for the pin at 21:17.

Rating: D+. Completely bleh match with little drama and the pure fact that it was Reigns vs. Corbin for 20+ minutes. WWE seems to think that this is some epic feud and it’s just not, mainly because Reigns is a top star and Corbin isn’t a main event level heel. Hopefully this is it because there’s no need to continue it, which is why you can probably pencil them in for two more matches at least.

Kevin Owens talks to Samoa Joe about his success in Houston and thinks he can win tonight. Samoa Joe likes the idea of getting rid of Seth Rollins but he’ll go through Owens if he has to.

Fire & Desire are ready for the Rumble but Sonya is willing to eliminate herself so Mandy can win. Mandy looks rather confused.

Cole offers condolences to the families of Kobe Bryan and everyone else involved in the helicopter crash.

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals with Alexa Bliss in at #1 and Bianca Belair is in at #2. Belair wastes no time in hitting a running shoulder in the corner and takes Bliss to the middle rope for some forearms. A running headscissors is countered into a backbreaker to put Bliss down again and Mighty Molly of all people is in at #3 (and to the Hurricane’s music of course). She clotheslines Bliss and Belair down and a high crossbody does the same. Molly can’t get Belair out and it’s Nikki Cross in at #4.

Bliss and Cross get to clean some house but stop to hug, only to have Molly and Belair run them over. Belair gives Cross the KOD onto Bliss, who is right back up with a sunset bomb. A neckbreaker drops Molly and everyone is down until Lana is in at #5. Hold on though as she takes her sweet time getting the ring because she needs to talk about how great she is and how this is for her hot husband.

Lana finally gets to the ring and can’t eliminate Molly as Mercedes Martinez is in at #6. Martinez gets to clean house, including a butterfly suplex to Lana (in the Captain Marvel gear). It’s not enough to get rid of her though and it’s Liv Morgan in at #7 to eliminate Lana. For some reason Liv goes up so Lana shoves her off for an elimination, meaning the fight is on.

Mandy Rose is in at #8 and puts Nikki on the apron to no avail. Candice LeRae is in at #9 and hits a running dropkick on Cross, followed by the Lionsault. Belair gets rid of Molly and Bliss tosses Mandy…who lands on a conveniently placed Otis in a surprise save. Sonya Deville is in at #10, giving us Bliss, Belair, Cross, Martinez, Rose, LeRae and Deville.

Fire & Desire get together to toss Martinez as Kairi Sane is in at #11. Sane spears down Bliss and Cross, followed by a running Blockbuster to Rose. The Insane Elbow hits Rose and Mia Yim is in at #12. Cross saves Bliss from Belair’s gorilla press but gets sent to the apron so Belair can swing Bliss into her for the elimination. Bliss grabs Belair’s hair to save herself as Mandy is sent over the top, and right into Otis’ arms. Belair sends Deville over the top onto both of them so Deville and Rose are both out.

Dana Brooke is in at #13 and hits the Swanton on Mia. Belair tosses Candice and Bliss slaps Sane off the top for an elimination in a bit of an upset. Tamina is in at #14 to superkick Brooke and get in the brawl with Belair. A charge lets Belair backdrop Tamina out for Belair’s sixth elimination so far. Dakota Kai is in at #15 to get us to the halfway point and there’s the running kick to Brooke in the corner.

Bliss gets rid of Yim and it’s Chelsea Green in at #16 (to Summer Rae’s old NXT theme). Green dumps Kai but gets tossed by Bliss, followed by by Belair knocking out Brooke. Bliss knocks Belair down but Twisted Bliss hits knees. They both go over the top to the apron and Belair knocks her out to stand alone until….Charlotte is in at #17. Charlotte starts with the chops but Belair knocks her into the corner.

Naomi is in at #18 for a return and a big reaction. Charlotte and Naomi trade missed dropkicks and nip up for a staredown. They both go after Belair and it’s Beth Phoenix in at #19, sending Charlotte into a panic. Naomi gets sent to the apron but manages to springboard back in to take down Charlotte and Beth. Charlotte pairs off with Naomi as Beth tries to get rid of Belair and Toni Storm is in at #20, giving us Charlotte, Naomi, Phoenix, Belair and Storm.

Belair goes up top and Charlotte tosses her out, with the fans not being pleased. Kelly Kelly is in at #21 and hits her screaming headscissors on Storm. The Stinkface to Storm is Kelly having more fun as Beth goes nuts trying to get rid of Charlotte. Sarah Logan is in at #22 and Charlotte gets rid of her in a hurry. Kelly tries to dump Charlotte and gets knocked out a second later for her efforts.

Natalya is in at #23 for a bunch of discus lariats, followed by teaming up with Beth for a powerbomb to bring Charlotte out of the corner. Xia Li is in at #24 and starts with the rapid fire kicks as the back of Beth’s head is busted open. Zelina Vega is in at #25 and hurricanranas Beth, who probably shouldn’t be messed with given her head. Charlotte survives a three on one elimination attempt and Shotzi Blackheart is in at #26.

Naomi gets sent to the apron but runs down the steps and dives onto the barricade with her feet inches above the floor. She gets onto an announcers’ table and tries to figure it out as Carmella is in at #27. Carmella gets a very long headscissors on Natalya as Naomi goes to another table. The Glam Slam hits Charlotte as Naomi goes to the third table. Charlotte goes through the ropes to the floor to a big reaction as fans have some false hope. Tegan Nox is in at #28 and walks into a Glam Slam as Beth’s hair is almost half red from all of the blood.

Beth is the only one left standing…..and Santina Marella is in at #29. Santina dances a bit but gets caught between Beth and Natalya. I’m no Marella fan but that was very funny. That means it’s Cobra time…which she uses on herself for the self-elimination. Shayna Baszler is in at #30, giving us a final group of Charlotte, Naomi, Phoenix, Storm, Natalya, Li, Vega, Blackheart, Carmella, Nox and Baszler. Li and Nox are out in a hurry and Vega follows. Blackheart tries to get rid of Baszler in a callback to NXT but gets tossed this time.

Naomi FINALLY uses an announcers’ table cover to make it back to the ring as Baszler gets rid of Carmella, plus Storm who was put out somewhere in there. Naomi is back in and the missed Rear View lets Baszler get rid of her as well. Natalya and Beth get together for a Hart Attack on Baszler but Beth dumps Natalya in a surprise. Charlotte tries to dump Baszler and Beth but they both save themselves, meaning it’s a Charlotte vs. Baszler showdown. That’s broken up and Baszler gets rid of Phoenix but can’t toss Charlotte, who skins the cat and eliminates Baszler to win at 54:31.

Rating: B. A few weeks back, I picked Charlotte to win, no matter how illogical or annoying it might be because that’s what Charlotte does. I changed my mind to Baszler because that made more sense and now here we are, because WWE can’t help themselves with Charlotte. It’s such an anti-climactic ending because Charlotte has been in a major spot so many times that it doesn’t mean anything anymore. And now, more weeks of hearing how great Charlotte is, because we haven’t heard that recently enough.

Other than that, this was a very good Rumble with far better pacing than last year and the NXT women carrying the slack. Belair and Baszler looked like killers and I’m hoping Shayna is main roster bound. There’s nothing left for her to do in NXT and she looked awesome here. Even the Santina bit was funny for some comedy. This was a solid Rumble, despite the disappointing ending.

Post match, Charlotte says she knows some people aren’t happy with her winning but she’s the diamond and will win the title again.

Corbin says Reigns made a mockery of their match so tonight, he’s tossing Roman.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Lacey Evans

Lacey is challenging and her daughter is here. Bayley gets taken down early to start so she goes to the corner to try for a turnbuckle. That just earns her a sweep of the leg and a slingshot elbow, meaning it’s time to claim a knee injury. The obvious goldbricking is obvious and Bayley hits her with a forearm, setting up a top rope elbow for two on Evans. Bayley grabs a chinlock as we hear Lacey’s military resume. The hold stays on for a good while and Bayley mocks Evans for being a mother. That’s quite the odd insult.

Evans fights up and gets in a knee from the apron. A slingshot rollup gets two but Bayley mocks the salute, allowing Evans to dodge a middle rope crossbody. The slingshot dropkick hits Bayley (and Evans has to catch her foot on the rope to keep from falling). Bayley rolls to the floor and avoids a slingshot dive, drawing hisses from Lacey’s daughter. Back in and the Bayley to Belly is blocked but so is the double jump moonsault, with Bayley grabbing a rollup with trunks to retain at 9:23.

Rating: C-. I got a nice chuckle out of Lacey losing in front of her daughter because having a child is quite the stretch for a reason to cheer for her. Bayley retaining the title is a bit of a shaky decision, but I’d assume that we’re getting Charlotte vs. Bayley at Wrestlemania in one of those fresh matches that WWE loves. Kind of boring, but it was coming after a huge match and there wasn’t much they could do.

We recap the Fiend vs. Daniel Bryan for the Smackdown World Title. Fiend beat him at Survivor Series so Bryan brought back the YES Movement (and cut his hair) for one more shot. This time it’s a strap match so Fiend can’t run away.

Smackdown World Title: Fiend vs. Daniel Bryan

Fiend is defending and they’re strapped together at the wrist with pin or submission to win. More importantly though: NO RED LIGHTS! After the Big Match Intros, Bryan goes right at him in the corner with the kicks and right hands. Those just earn him a powerbomb though as Fiend doesn’t seem to mind the pain. It’s time to start the whipping and a headbutt rocks Bryan. A missed charge puts Fiend on the floor so Bryan tries a dive, only to get sent into the barricade.

Back in and Fiend ties him in the Tree of Woe to continue the whipping. Bryan finally gets in some kicks to the head and the running knee gets two. Fiend is sent outside again and this time Bryan’s top rope dive connects. Another running knee off the apron…has no effect as Fiend blasts him with a clothesline. They go to the announcers’ table with Bryan hitting four straight low blows and a DDT not through the table. Bryan starts the whipping and unloads on Fiend, followed by a missile dropkick back inside.

Alternating YES Kicks and whips keep Fiend down and the big one connects. Fiend pops back up and asks for more so Bryan kicks him in the head again. The running knee is countered into Sister Abigail for two and Fiend looks confused. Bryan is back with a kick to the face but Fiend slaps on the Mandible Claw with Bryan on the top.

Bryan pulls him into a triangle but Fiend keeps the Claw on, only to get reversed into the LeBell Lock with the strap over the mouth. That’s broken up as well though and Fiend whips him some more. Sister Abigail is countered into a rollup for two and another running knee gets another two. Fiend pops up again and stares down at Bryan, who whips him with the strap. That just earns him the Claw, including a Claw slam, for the pin to retain at 17:28.

Rating: B. They beat each other up rather well, though the lack of drama on the near falls hurt a lot. What didn’t hurt a lot was the lack of the red light, which didn’t take away a lot of the monster effect but did take away a lot of the stupid. Fiend came off as in control here though, as he looked like he shrugged off everything Bryan threw at him and then won the match because he was done with the torture. Bryan can move on to something else now and Fiend can get ready for something at Wrestlemania. Good match, but not much drama.

Post match Fiend disappears and Bryan has to be helped out. He probably does need a break after this one.

Super Showdown is confirmed for Saudi Arabia on February 27.

We recap Asuka vs. Becky Lynch for the Raw Women’s Title. Asuka beat Lynch last year at the Royal Rumble, which was Becky’s last loss before she went on towards the main event of Wrestlemania. Lynch has been champion since and wants to avenge her loss.

Raw Women’s Title: Becky Lynch vs. Asuka

Asuka is challenging and has Kairi Sane with her. Becky avoids a dropkick to start and Asuka seems to be favoring her arm early on. Her feet are fine though as she kicks Lynch down to take over. Asuka throws her into the corner but charges into some elbows. A bulldog into a low dropkick gives the champ two and she hits a release front suplex off the apron.

Back in and the guillotine legdrop gives Becky two but Asuka slugs away. Something like a suplex into a sitdown drop gives Asuka two and they fight to the apron. That means a hip attack can send Becky into the post, but she’s right back with a middle rope Rock Bottom for two. Becky goes up again and mistimes a dive into a Codebreaker, only to go for the arm immediately after the kickout.

That’s broken up with a foot on the rope so Asuka unloads with kicks to the head. Becky has to grab the referee to prevent the referee stoppage so Asuka kicks her in the head for a very close near fall. A quick Disarm-Her attempt doesn’t work so Becky plants her for two instead. Becky goes for the arm again but the referee almost gets bumped. Asuka loads up the mist but Becky kicks her in the ribs, sending the mist into the arm. Now the Disarm-Her can go on to make Asuka tap at 16:32.

Rating: B. Another good match here as Becky gets the win over the one person she couldn’t beat. They beat each other up with Becky seeming desperate to finally beat Asuka, who was ruthless with her aggression. Asuka’s cheating coming back to cost her the match played into their story well too. This doesn’t leave her with many options, but she could wind up against Baszler or Ronda Rousey at Wrestlemania, either of which could be awesome. With the match out of the way, maybe WWE can remember that Asuka is already a champion.

The Street Profits aren’t sure who will win the Royal Rumble, with Dawkins humming various theme musics.

Bobby Lashley and Rusev are out of the Rumble after getting in a fight in the parking lot earlier today.

Booker T. joins commentary.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals, Brock Lesnar is in at #1 and Elias is in at #2 (more bad luck as he was #1 last year). Elias talks about the gorilla in the ring and asks the fans to clap along for his new song, Sacrificial Lamb. Lesnar gets annoyed at the song and chases Elias (tripping a bit on the way out of the ring), meaning the match can start with Brock taking him down.

The first German suplex connects and Lesnar breaks the guitar over Elias’ back. That’s the first elimination so Brock gets a breather until Erick Rowan, with crate, is in at #3. Rowan blocks the German suplex and gets clotheslined out in about eight seconds. Robert Roode is in at #4, slugs away, gets clotheslined, F5, Brock stands alone. Brock poses with the title until John Morrison is in at #5 and it’s a belly to belly over the top in nine seconds.

Kofi Kingston is in at #6 and starts slugging away until Lesnar drives him into the corner. The first German suplex drops Kofi on his head and Brock starts smiling. The clock speeds WAY up so Rey Mysterio can come in at #7. Rey tries to run the ropes but gets sent into Kofi in the corner.

A German suplex each has Kofi and Rey in more trouble and it’s Big E. in at #8. The distraction lets Kofi hit Trouble in Paradise and Big E. adds the Big Ending, setting up the 619. Rey charges at Brock and gets tossed, followed by Big E. going out as well. An F5 gets rid of Kofi as well and it’s Brock alone to face Cesaro, who is in at #9. Suplex, clothesline, Cesaro is out. Shelton Benjamin is in at #10 to give us…well Lesnar and Benjamin.

Heyman tries to get Shelton to reunite with Lesnar and Shelton seems to…until Lesnar suplexes and clotheslines him out. Shinsuke Nakamura is in at #11 in a match that would be more interesting in Japan. Some strikes connect and Lesnar gets rid of him in about fifteen seconds. MVP of all people is in at #12 and gets the same treatment, though I did miss his music. Keith Lee is in at #13 and Brock looks interested.

They stare each other down and Lee shrugs off some knees, setting up a clothesline to put Brock down. Lee gets in a few shots in the corner and a collision puts them both down. Braun Strowman is in at #14 and knocks Lee out through the ropes. Brock is back up with a pair of German suplexes each and they’re all down. It’s Lee vs. Strowman for the monster slugout…and Brock throws them both out.

Ricochet is in at #15 and gets caught with a quick backbreaker. There’s a German suplex as Cole says he doesn’t want to hear about Lesnar not defending his title. In a non-title match. Drew McIntyre is in at #16 and gets in a staredown with Lesnar. Ricochet gets in a low blow from behind and McIntyre eliminates Lesnar to a nice reaction. McIntyre gets rid of Ricochet as well and Miz is in at #17.

Drew knocks Miz down and glares down at Lesnar, setting up the Claymore to get rid of Miz and stand alone. Lesnar and Heyman are still standing behind the barricade as AJ Styles is in at #18. Some early shots take AJ down but he pulls McIntyre down into the Calf Crusher. That’s broken up as well and Dolph Ziggler is in at #19.

Ziggler and AJ double team McIntyre until Ziggler punches AJ in the face. That means a suplex from McIntyre as Karl Anderson is in at #20, giving us McIntyre, Styles, Ziggler and Anderson. Everything settles down and it’s EDGE (THAT FREAKING LIAR!) at #21. Spears abound and we get an Edge vs. Styles showdown, capped off by another spear. King Corbin is in at #22 (YOU SHALL NOT BE ENTERTAINED!!!) and cleans house with Ziggler until Edge dumps AJ (who may have been favoring his wrist).

Matt Riddle is in at #23 and yes he gets in the shoe flip. Riddle knees Edge down…and is eliminated by Corbin. Luke Gallows is in at #24 and McIntyre throws Corbin out (I knew I liked him for a reason). Randy Orton is in at #25 for a few RKOs before the staredown with Edge. Stereo Rated RKO clotheslines get rid of the OC and it’s Roman Reigns in at #26. A spear hits Ziggler and Reigns dumps him, making me like him a little bit more.

Reigns no sells McIntyre’s chops and it’s Kevin Owens at lucky #27. Cannonballs abound and there’s a Stunner to Reigns. Another one hits Orton and it’s Aleister Black in at #28. A jumping knee hits Owens and a running one drops Edge, followed by Black Mass to McIntyre. Samoa Joe is in at #29 and Black is waiting on him with the strikes.

Joe kicks him down, smiles at Owens, and starts the slugout again. Seth Rollins is in st #30 (sweet, no Velasquez), giving us Orton, Reigns, Owens, Black, McIntyre, Edge, Rollins and Joe. Rollins comes out with Buddy Murphy (who was scheduled to be in this) and the AOP so Joe and Owens roll outside to start the fight. Rollins and Murphy pull Edge outside before throwing Orton over the announcers’ table (not eliminated).

The Stomp hits Reigns and Rollins eliminates Black and Owens. The Koquina Clutch has Rollins in trouble but Murphy makes the save so Rollins can eliminate Joe as well. Owens, Black and Joe brawl to the back with Murphy/AOP, leaving us with Reigns, Rollins, Edge, Orton and McIntyre. Everyone surrounds Rollins so he tries to reunite with Reigns. That just earns him a Superman punch into an Orton powerslam into the Claymore so McIntyre can get the elimination.

The RKO hits McIntyre and Edge adds a spear, followed by a double RKO from Orton and Edge. Orton teases the RKO to Edge but begs off…and gets eliminated by Edge. We’re down to Reigns, Edge and McIntyre with Reigns and Edge slugging it out. The Superman punch hits Edge but the spear misses, allowing Edge to hit his own.

Reigns hangs onto the bottom rope to stay alive and he pulls Edge to the apron with him. Edge gets knocked off and Reigns gets back in for the fight with McIntyre, who nails the Claymore. McIntyre tosses Reigns to win at 1:00:09 (Sally, I know you’re smiling. Don’t worry if you don’t get this reference.).

Rating: B+. The ending is what matters most here, as McIntyre has been ready to move up to the next level for the better part of ever now. They FINALLY pulled the trigger on him and while it is another step to win the World Title at Wrestlemania, this is a heck of a good sign for him and his future.

Then there’s the first half of the Rumble and your mileage is probably going to vary. I wasn’t wild on it, but it didn’t ruin the match for me. I didn’t need Lesnar to run through that many people, but at least the right person won in the end and we should be in for a big Wrestlemania showdown. It could have been a lot worse, and McIntyre winning warms the cockles of my heart (whatever cockles are).

Drew looks very emotional to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. It’s a good show and WAY better than last year’s (partially due to it being half an hour shorter) with Reigns vs. Corbin and Bayley vs. Evans not being great. Other than that, it’s a very solid show with two good Rumbles and one good winner. Becky vs. Asuka was awesome too and Bryan vs. Fiend was solid storytelling. Wrestlemania is feeling a lot more interesting than it was just a few days ago and that’s the best feeling you can have coming out of this show. Now just keep it up going into Tampa.

Results

Roman Reigns b. King Corbin – Spear

Charlotte won the Women’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Shayna Baszler

Bayley b. Lacey Evans – Rollup with trunks

Fiend b. Daniel Bryan – Mandible Claw

Becky Lynch b. Asuka – Disarm-Her

Drew McIntyre won the Men’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Roman Reigns

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: January 29, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves

It’s the final show before the Royal Rumble and that means there are probably going to be a few surprises to really hammer things home. That can be a good thing but sometimes they leave you wondering if this is really all that WWE has to offer. Hopefully that is not the case here as there are some things that need to be upgraded. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Daniel Bryan to get things going and he is rather excited that it is Royal Rumble weekend. As his daughter likes to say, we are just two sleeps away. Bryan talks about being proud of everything he has accomplished in his career, but he has one thing left to do: win the Royal Rumble and go on to the main event of Wrestlemania. No one knows what that means more than him and to climb that mountain one more time involves him going through twenty nine other men.

The honest truth is that he doesn’t know how many more Wrestlemania Moments he has left, but if he wants to go to the main event one more time, he is going to have to win the Royal Rumble. The Alpha Academy has him ready and he can’t wait to see everything you’ll only see at the Rumble….and here are AJ Styles and Omos. AJ talks about throwing everyone over the top to win the match, with Omos adding in that AJ is here because of the Quarterly Brand To Brand Invitational.

With that idea having been successfully dragged out of mothballs, AJ says Bryan doesn’t look ready for the Rumble. Bryan is in his sports coat, so AJ thinks Bryan might be the GM again. The challenge is on for tonight and AJ shoves him down, with Omos getting between them. Bryan seems in, and if Omos is there or not, Bryan is going to give AJ a beating.

We look back at Bayley and Bianca Belair running the obstacle course, with Bayley attacking Belair after losing.

Bayley brags about winning, plugs Belair’s WWE Network Chronicle special, and promises to beat her again tonight. Then Belair can go into the dark-est hole of her life.

Bianca Belair vs. Bayley

The 8K cameras are back and yeah they’re still creepy in a way. Belair slams her down a few times to start and it’s already a standoff. A suplex gives Belair two but Bayley is back up with a running clothesline for two. Belair’s arm is banged up so Bayley shouts DING DONG, which is enough to make Belair snap. A bunch of forearms to the back have Bayley out on the apron, followed by a standing moonsault back inside for two. We take a break and come back with Belair driving shoulders into Bayley’s ribs in the corner but Bayley fights back.

Cole says Bayley is jealous, prompting Bayley to shout “I’M NOT JEALOUS MICHAEL!” A knee to the face gives Bayley two (the replay made it look even worse) and it’s time to go back to Belair’s arm. The middle rope elbow gives Bayley two but Belair grabs a crucifix for the same. Back up and Belair punches her in the face but the bad arm gives out on a Glam Slam attempt. Belair manages a hot shot though and the KOD finishes Bayley at 10:48.

Rating: C+. Belair has grown on me at a crazy level over the last year and I’m liking her more and more in the ring every time. A win in the Royal Rumble isn’t out of the question and that is pretty impressive given that she only debuted in the Royal Rumble last year. Good stuff here, with Bayley putting her over clean to give Belair a huge win.

Post match Belair can’t believer what she has accomplished because that was the biggest win of her career. She sounds like she is near tears and says the only thing that tops this is winning the Royal Rumble.

Dominick Mysterio vs. King Corbin

Dominick jumps Corbin during the entrances and the beatdown is on in the aisle as we take a break. We come back with Rey Mysterio on commentary and the opening bell, which sees Dominick make Corbin chase him. That lets Dominick hit (mostly) an awkward looking slingshot knee to the head. Back in and Corbin hits a belly to back suplex and knocking Dominick down while shouting at Rey.

Dominick manages to send him into the corner and nails a middle rope dropkick as Rey coaches from the floor. The 619 is broken up so Dominick settles for a hurricanrana into the corner. Corbin sends him face first into the corner as well, only to have Dominick come back with a tornado DDT for two. Corbin cuts him off again though and the End of Days is good for the pin at 4:44.

Rating: C-. Dominick continues to seem like he is trending towards a heel turn and the more I think about it, the more interested I kind of am in seeing it. That’s about as non-committal of a position as I can come up with for it but that’s just how Dominick goes. He doesn’t have much to him other than being Rey’s son, but at least he can do a thing or two in the ring.

Post match Corbin goes after Rey but gets taken out.

Big E. offers Sonya Deville a dollar and an Arby’s coupon to find out his Royal Rumble number. That isn’t happening, so here are Miz and John Morrison (erg) to suggest they might cash in on Roman Reigns tonight. Morrison makes some Gamestop stock jokes and that’s enough for Sonya to leave. Big E.: “I love the pop culture reference too.” He has things to do though so a lot of laughter ensues but Big E. gets serious and calls them over the hill with no chance to win the Royal Rumble. The brawl is on with Big E. not having much trouble taking both of them out. Referees break it up.

Tomorrow on Backstage: Tamina vs. Natalya to determine the #30 entrant in the Royal Rumble. So they’re doing that instead of the men’s #30 and the women’s #1 and #2? Sure why not.

We look at Sasha Banks defeating Reginald last week, which gave Carmella a Royal Rumble title shot.

Sasha Banks is walking through the back when Kalisto hits on her a bit. With that out of the way, Sasha runs into Reginald, who offers her a bottle of win to go with losing her title. Banks hits on him and then promises to break Carmella’s jaw. Reginald can keep the wine because he needs a drink.

Long video on Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns.

Bad Bunny will be performing his song about Booker T. at the Royal Rumble.

Sami Zayn stops Shinsuke Nakamura in the back because he finds it suspicious that the Raw wrestlers are here. He also thinks Nakamura and Cesaro are splitting up so since Sami helped liberate Nakamura, it’s time for Nakamura to return the family. Sami needs his Intercontinental Title back and takes credit for everything Nakamura has done in NXT and WWE. Nakamura says he appreciates everything Sami has done but Sami can go to h***.

We get a split screen sitdown interview with Roman Reigns and Kevin Owens (in an Ever Rise shirt). Owens doesn’t think anything is going to be different on Sunday because he has beaten Reigns twice. There is nothing that Reigns or his family can do to keep Owens down because he will be the Last Man Standing. Paul Heyman joins Reigns and tells Owens not to speak of the tribal chief that way. Owens asks if Reigns is going to let Heyman rehash his old statements so Reigns says we should talk about Owens’ family.

What kind of a man was Owens’ father? Owens’ father is (not was) a great man, so Reigns needs to watch where he is going. Reigns asks if Owens’ father is a smart man, which Owens confirms and again warns Reigns about where he is going with this. Reigns says Owens isn’t built for this because he isn’t a castle, a knight, a bishop or a queen. Owens is a pawn and Reigns is the king because everything revolves around him.

What Owens doesn’t understand is that he will never be Universal Champion and it isn’t his fault. That makes Owens a fool and his father a fool too. If that’s the case, it means Owens’ grandfather is a fool as well. Owens isn’t happy but says he knows what Reigns is trying to do. On Sunday, they’re going to be in the same room, but Reigns says Owens still doesn’t get it. One day Owens is going to see his grandfathers again and they are going to call him a disgrace for not acknowledging Reigns as his tribal chief.

Owens throws his water down and says the only thing his grandfathers would acknowledge Reigns as is a delusional jackass surrounded by yes men. Reigns is some mafia boss who projects toughness to hide that he is an emotional bully. Owens goes off, shouting about how his family made him the man he is today.

After Sunday, he is going to be the same Kevin Owens, but he’ll be Universal Champion. Reigns’ feed cuts out and Owens storms off. This was GREAT and you could feel the emotion because it felt like two adults talking with one of them going very personal to drive the other over the edge. The mind games were awesome but the emotions were better and that’s why this feud has worked so well.

Video on Goldberg vs. Drew McIntyre.

AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan

Omos is here with AJ but AJ sends him to the back to do this one on his own. Cesaro is on commentary as they go to the mat with AJ not being able to keep Bryan down. The test of strength lets them trade some flips until Bryan’s cross armbreaker sends AJ over to the ropes. Bryan starts working on the arm but AJ gets up for a shoulder. There’s a knee to the ribs to put Bryan down again but he’s right back with a butterfly suplex.

Cue Sami Zayn (he’s got signs) for a distraction though, allowing AJ to knock Bryan off the top. A whip into the steps has Bryan down and we take a break. Back with AJ slowly pounding Bryan down but a running corner dropkick rocks AJ for a change. There are some kicks to the chest as Cesaro is getting annoyed at Sami at ringside. A top rope hurricanrana gives Bryan two but AJ is right back with the Calf Crusher.

The rope is finally grabbed and Sami yells about how the referee is finally doing his job. The Phenomenal Forearm is pulled out of the air though and the YES Lock (or most of one) goes on, with AJ getting a foot on the rope. Hold on though as here’s Big E. to run Sami over but Cesaro jumps Big E. for his efforts. Bryan dives onto Cesaro and Sami but AJ throws him back inside. That’s enough for Sami to come in to jump Bryan for the DQ at 12:10.

Rating: B-. There was a lot of stuff going on at ringside but I think I can live with twelve minutes of these two doing their awesome things to each other. This was what you would expect from an AJ vs. Bryan match and as usual, I could have gone for another twenty minutes of so. Like they wouldn’t have made it work.

Post match Cesaro beats on Big E. in the ring but here’s Shinsuke Nakamura to kick Sami and AJ in the head. Nakamura and Cesaro have a staredown but Sami is up to knock Nakamura into Cesaro, meaning nothing bad can happen. The villains are sent outside and it’s time for a smark dream six man (With I guess Big E. being the least internet friendly name?).

AJ Styles/Cesaro/Sami Zayn vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Daniel Bryan/Big E.

Nakamura misses a sliding knee to start and gets clotheslined down by Cesaro. Nakamura hits a kick to the back of the head as Cole tries to figure out the lineups (this seems to be a little tricky for him). A front facelock lets Nakamura drag Cesaro into the corner for the tag to Big E., who is uppercutted down. Sami comes in to strike away at Big E.’s head, which doesn’t seem to hut that much as he’s over for the tag to Bryan without much effort.

A double hiptoss drops Sami to give the already legal again Big E. two. Sami kicks Bryan in the back of the knee to put him in trouble and AJ wraps the leg around the post. We take a break and come back with AJ stomping on the knee and giving it a DDT. Zayn’s superplex is broken up though and Bryan nails a missile dropkick.

The hot tag brings in Big E. for the rapid fire belly to belly suplexes to all three villains. Cesaro is back up with that sweet springboard corkscrew uppercut for two but the Neutralizer is broken up. Big E. loads up the Big Ending but this time it’s Miz and John Morrison coming out to jump Nakamura and Big E. for the DQ at 9:53.

Rating: C+. This was another good one with quite the talented lineup so I’m not sure how much you can complain here. I mean aside from the same ending, but given how much time there is left in the show, I think you know where this is going. The Royal Rumble shows always have something like this going on so it’s forgivable to see this much interference, even if it was in a pretty nice match.

Post match the big beatdown is on but here’s Otis for the save and yes indeed that’s where we’re going. Otis cleans house as commentary asks who is going to be able to dump him over the top. Last week Bianca Belair fireman’s carried him and walked around with him. I don’t think it’s that big of a task. Anyway a double Caterpillar hits Miz and Morrison and we take a break.

AJ Styles/Cesaro/Sami Zayn/Miz/John Morrison vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Daniel Bryan/Big E./Otis

Miz and Bryan go straight to the brawling to start as Cole thinks it’s a ten man tag, with Corey Graves being there to handle the counting and explain that it’s a handicap match. Miz takes Bryan outside and drops the knee onto the announcers’ table, setting up the Figure Four back inside. That’s broken up with some right hands (a counter you don’t see often enough) but Sami comes in with a Blue Thunder Bomb. Graves: “We could be two days away from the Road To Zaynylvania!”

Morrison comes in to put Bryan down again and Miz adds a kick to the ribs. Bryan finally manages stereo crossbodies with AJ and everything breaks down without Bryan making a tag. Cue Sheamus to be the partner though and the hot tag brings in in to run over everyone. The Irish Curse sets up the Cloverleaf on Sami but Morrison makes the save. The parade of secondary finishers is on with Sami being the last man standing. That doesn’t last long though as Sheamus hits a heck of a Brogue Kick to pin Sami at 5:25.

Rating: C. I didn’t hate this and some of that is due to Sheamus kicking Sami’s head off at the end. It was a little chaotic and having it come after about thirty five minutes was a lot, but the talent was all there and they did some chaotic action at times. Now granted I’m not sure how much this helps build the Rumble, but at least it was something different. I can completely get someone not liking it though as it was rather WWE with all of the rapid fire additions.

Post match (of course) Miz and Morrison jump Sheamus but Braun Strowman makes his big return to wreck EVERYONE to end the show. Now that works as a big moment to hype up the Rumble.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a rather weird show but I liked what I got out of the whole thing. Owens and Reigns had a great segment and the last forty or so minutes were designed to build to the Rumble. It’s not like the pay per view needs that much build so anything we got here was a bonus. Much like the main event(s), I can see why someone wouldn’t be a fan, but I want to see the Rumble and that’s what matters the most.

Results

Bianca Belair b. Bayley – KOD

King Corbin b. Dominick Mysterio – End of Days

Daniel Bryan b. AJ Styles via DQ when Sami Zayn interfered

Daniel Bryan/Big E./Shinsuke Nakamura b. AJ Styles/Cesaro/Sami Zayn via DQ when Miz and John Morrison interfered

Daniel Bryan/Big E./Shinsuke Nakamura/Otis/Sheamus b. AJ Styles/Cesaro/Sami Zayn/John Morrison/Miz – Brogue Kick to Zayn

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 2017
Date: January 29, 2017
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 52,020
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Mauro Ranallo, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

It’s kind of amazing how much this show has been forgotten in just about a year. Other than AJ Styles vs. John Cena, I can barely remember a single thing about this show. I know who won the Rumble and who were some of the bigger stars in the match but the rest is kind of a blur, which isn’t a good sign for what I’m in for here. Let’s get to it.

The aisle is crazy long and would require a cart to bring some of the wrestlers to the ring during the Rumble. There’s something cool about that, on both fronts actually.

Kickoff Show: Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

This would be the “throw all the Smackdown women into one match” match. Oh and dang I forgot how stupid the four person announcers’ booth on Smackdown was. It’s almost as stupid as having a 50,000 person dome and having a match an hour and a half before the show starts because THE PLACE IS FREAKING EMPTY! Like is anyone going to not watch this show on the Network if there isn’t a match going on the two hour pre-show?

This is mainly about Becky vs. James/Bliss and the rest are there because….well because the writers don’t know how to write singles matches for the women and still don’t do this day. For a secondary story, Natalya and Nikki are feuding because Natalya is jealous so she said that Cena will never marry Nikki. You know those are fighting words.

Nikki and Natalya start things off with Natalya doing You Can’t See Me. That means a slap to the face and there are so few people being so quiet that you can hear what the women are saying. Bliss comes in and gets caught with a facebuster for two. It’s off to Naomi for half of a double dropkick with Nikki’s part not even coming close. Nikki and company hit a triple suplex to send them outside, followed by a dive from Naomi as we take a break.

Back with Becky clotheslining Natalya and hitting a running forearm in the corner. They head outside with Mickie getting in a cheap shot to drop Becky, allowing Natalya to snap a suplex to really take over. Back in and Becky gets driven into the corner again, allowing Bliss to choke a bit. Mickie adds a hard kick to the face as the announcers argue over whether or not cheating is smart.

A Michinoku Driver plants Becky but Natalya can’t get Suplex City (Her words. Well Lesnar’s words, though JR said it about thirteen years earlier.). Instead it’s a double clothesline so Naomi can come in and clean house. The still dumb looking dancing kicks drop Bliss as everything breaks down. A kick to the head sets up the split legged moonsault to give Naomi the pin on Bliss at 9:39.

Rating: C-. The lack of a crowd either in their seats or really interested in this one hurt it a lot but the work wasn’t terrible. The women’s division had gotten so much better by this point that you could trust them to go out and have a match like this, though the stories need to be stronger. I’m really having an issue caring about Nikki never getting to marry her dream husband and complete her fairy tale story but I’m not exactly the target audience.*

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Sheamus and Cesaro are defending and there are two referees due to some screwy finishes as of late. The crowd is MUCH better now, making the place look like there’s an actual audience for the show. Cesaro dropkicks Anderson at the bell for two and a gutwrench suplex gets the same less than thirty seconds in.

Gallows loads up a cheap shot from the apron but the second referee catches him, making the gimmick actually work. Sheamus grabs a Regal Roll into Cesaro’s jumping double stomp for two more but Anderson is back up with a kick to the face to take over. It’s off to Gallows, who is quickly kicked down so the champs can take him into the corner. This has been mostly one sided so far but Gallows gets in a backdrop for a breather. Not that the fans seem to care for the most part though.

A big boot knocks Sheamus off the apron and we take a break. Back (after the commercial has been cut from the Network) with Cesaro suplexing Gallows and rolling over to bring Sheamus back in. The ten forearms to the chest have Gallows in trouble and a top rope clothesline gets two. Super White Noise gets the same but Gallows shoves Sheamus away and makes the hot tag to Anderson.

The second referee won’t allow some cheating so Swiss Death gives Cesaro two. A 619 and a high crossbody give him the same but Anderson kicks him down again. Sheamus breaks up the Magic Killer and a referee eats a Brogue Kick. The second referee comes in to see Cesaro put Anderson in the Sharpshooter, only to have Gallows break it up with a kick to the face. Everything breaks down again and it’s a Magic Killer for Sheamus, followed by a rollup with tights to pin Cesaro at 10:28.

Rating: C+. Nice power fight here with both teams hitting each other rather hard. That’s all this needed to be, though I could go for adding a different style in there. Power vs. power isn’t going to work all that well in the long term but at least they had a good match here. These title changes didn’t really matter though as it was all going to change when the Hardys came back. No one knew that yet though and at least we had something good here.

Kickoff Show: Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Nia injured her a month or so ago and tonight is about revenge. Sasha doesn’t have her knee brace on as Nia drives her into the ropes and easily shoves off a headlock. A rope walk springboard goes just as badly as Banks can’t get anything going early on. Jax runs her over and we take an early break.

Back with Sasha trying a standing Bank Statement and having it broken up with ease. Jax grabs a Brock Lock and swings Banks around until a rope can be grabbed. Sasha finally avoids a charge to send Jax into the post, followed by the top rope double knees for two. Sasha comes up holding her knee though and the pop up Samoan drop puts her away at 5:13.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash and really only served to keep Nia around. Banks is going to be fine after a loss like this while Nia still doesn’t have the big defining win (which would still be the case a year later). There was no need for this to be on pay per view though and it could have easily been done on Raw. That’s never a good sign.

And now, a nearly four hour show. I know I say this a lot but I’m almost gassed just watching that Kickoff Show. There’s really no need to do it this way, especially when you have the horrible empty stadium for the first match.

Completely standard opening video, though they do play in the cool “Remember the Rumble” tagline to show off a lot of the famous clips. If there’s one thing WWE does well, it’s look back at their own history. The rest of the matches get some time as well with each one having something to remember as well.

Raw Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Charlotte

Charlotte is defending and still has never lost a singles match on pay per view. Bayley gets wrestled down to start as Charlotte grabs a front facelock. The fans seem split here despite giving Bayley a heck of a reaction on her entrance. Charlotte heads outside for no apparent reason, allowing Bayley to grab her by the hair and snap her over the middle rope (basically a Stunner) to take over. A headscissors gets two and it’s already time to hit the stalling.

Bayley makes the mistake of going outside and gets kicked into the steps as she doesn’t have much of an answer for Charlotte’s power game. Back in and Charlotte slams Bayley’s face into the mat a few times but makes sure to throw in a quick pose (that’s the Flair in her). We hit the chinlock with Charlotte’s hair falling over Bayley’s face, giving us a rather odd visual of Bayley as a blonde. A knee drop gets two on Bayley and Charlotte is getting annoyed at Bayley sticking around.

Yet another kickout off a neckbreaker makes the frustration even worse so Charlotte does her figure four necklock into the face plants on the mat. The flips to send Bayley back first into the mat make it even worse as Charlotte is completely dominant so far. Charlotte stops to mock Bayley though and a heck of a slap cuts the champ off. A battle of the chops goes to Charlotte (well duh) but Bayley bounces out of the corner with an armdrag. A springboard crossbody (with a few too many bounces) drops Charlotte again and a jumping spinning Downward Spiral (not bad) does it again.

The top rope elbow (which looked awesome on impact) gets a very close two and you can feel the crowd breathe on the kickout. Charlotte (who might be bleeding from the mouth) kicks the knee out though and the Figure Four goes on. The referee catches her grabbing the ropes though and both women are down. Charlotte is up first but her moonsault only grazes knees to give Bayley two. Bayley goes up but gets shoved off to the floor in a heap. As she gets back in, Natural Selection onto the apron retains the title at 13:01.

Rating: B-. Bayley was fighting here but came up short, which is exactly how her character needs to go. For some reason WWE didn’t quite get this and instead put the title on her two weeks later in a nothing Raw match, ignoring the idea of building her up as an underdog. Charlotte was her usual awesome self here and that makes for a fun match, though the future didn’t go the way it should have. At least the first match was solid though.

The shark cage is lowered. This might require an explanation.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Roman Reigns had come close to taking the title from Kevin Owens but Chris Jericho interfered to cost Reigns the match. Therefore it’s time for a rematch with Jericho in a one man cage (the shark cage) above the ring. Jericho is of course scared of heights so this should be fun. It would be a better idea if they hadn’t done it in NXT not too long before this.

Raw World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is defending and this is No DQ. Jericho takes his sweet time getting into the cage (as he should) and is still not in even when Reigns comes out. The Canadians try some double teaming and knock Reigns into the cage all, only to have Reigns fight them off (and the fans are really, REALLY not pleased) and send Jericho into the cage to get us going. The cage is raised like a sexy pinata (Jericho’s very accurate term for himself) and Owens jumps Reigns from behind.

They waste no time in fighting out to the floor and then into the crowd with Reigns hitting him in the ribs with a metal stand. Back to ringside with Owens being bounced off the German announcers’ table but coming back with a whip into the steps. Owens pulls six chairs from underneath the ring and sets up four at ringside, two by two. A monitor shot to the ribs sets up the Cannonball against the barricade and Owens continues to be over like free beer in a frat house.

With Reigns down, Owens sets up two more chairs on top of the four he already had. One more is placed on top but of course the powerbomb and suplex attempts don’t work to prevent a broken back. Back in and Reigns sends him shoulder first into the post before loading up a table. That’s enough to make the fans cheer Reigns (I’m as shocked as you are) but a Backstabber gives Owens two.

Another Cannonball, with Owens mocking Reigns’ spear pose, is countered into a powerbomb. The apron dropkick rocks the champ again as this has been better than I was expecting so far. They’re beating each other up quite well and it’s pretty entertaining, despite Jericho being a non-factor so far. They head outside with Reigns getting superkicked onto a table, setting up a frog splash from the top to the floor in a big crash.

That’s only good for two (well duh) so Owens dedicates a chair shot to Jericho and gets another near fall. A chair is wedged into the corner because wrestlers never learn a thing. Owens scores with a superkick and manages to send Reigns into the chair as I’m not sure what to think. It’s not like that’s never worked before but it’s about as rare as Jericho eating crab cakes and goat’s milk.

With that not working, Jericho tosses Owens some brass knuckles but Reigns blocks the Superman Punch. Roman’s Superman Punch gets two and a Samoan drop through the chair is good for the same. You would think being driven THROUGH A CHAIR would be a big time match but since this is modern wrestling, something that big is now just a regular move. It’s the price you pay for all the big spots and violence.

Roman puts another table in the corner before another Superman Punch gets two. A spear is countered into a Stunner of all things but Reigns kicks out again. We continue the Austin homage with a mudhole stomping and a Cannonball (not so much Austin) as Owens is getting frustrated. That makes him do something dumb, like trying a superplex through that pile of chairs.

Reigns breaks that up and Superman Punches Owens through the pile instead for a very loud crash. A powerbomb puts Reigns through the announcers’ table but here’s Braun Strowman to beat the heck out of Reigns. Roman is sent into the post, followed by the running powerslam through the table in the corner to retain Owens’ title at 23:27.

Rating: B+. This was better than I was expecting and while it feels like a similar ending to Randy Orton vs. John Cena from Royal Rumble 2015, it’s still a good way to keep the title on Owens for the time being. They had a very good power brawl and Owens retaining is the right move, especially with the feud with Strowman getting a big boost. Jericho was barely a factor and that’s a good thing given that they were about to split in the near future.

To really fill in time, we’re doing a countdown of the thirty greatest moments in Rumble history, starting with 30-16 (or 30-15 as Cole puts it). Well kind of as the list is actually 30 facts, which is kind of Rumble By The Numbers.

30. Bret Hart was the first entrant

29. 870 people have entered

28. 3 women have entered and each has eliminated at least one man

27. 23 people have won, meaning 98% of the entrants are losers

26. 4 Rumbles have been in Texas

25. California and Florida have held 5 Rumbles each

24. 507,102 fans have seen the Rumble

23. Rey Mysterio lasted longer than anyone ever at 1:02:12

22. Edge won the Rumble in 7:37

21. Santino Marella was eliminated in 1 second

20. The longest time in a single Rumble without winning is Bob Backlund with 1:01:10

19. HHH has spent the most time in the Rumble with 4:06:08.

18. 46 Hall of Famers have competed

17. 9 Hall of Famers have won

16. Mick Foley entered the Rumble 3 times in 1998

Raw boss Stephanie McMahon mocks Raw underling Mick for Strowman interfering when Smackdown bosses Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan come in. They roll the tumbler so Sami Zayn can come in and pick his number, which of course takes some time. Before Sami can open his ball, Dean Ambrose comes in searching for churros. He gets a number but is off to take a nap until he’s due in the Rumble. After going to a crowd shot of watching this in the arena (erg), Sami gets #8.

Austin Aries joins commentary for the Cruiserweight Title match.

We recap Rich Swann vs. Neville. Swann is the Cruiserweight Champion but Neville has declared himself the King of the Cruiserweights. That’s completely accurate and it’s time for Swann to take a heck of a beating and give up a title that doesn’t belong to him. This is about as obvious of an ending as you’re going to get. They throw in some history between the two with Neville mentoring Swann both in Japan and here in America. That’s better than nothing and more than I would expect from a match like this, even if Neville winning is pretty much guaranteed.

Cruiserweight Title: Neville vs. Rich Swann

Neville is challenging and stops himself from doing his usual entrance because the fans don’t deserve it. That’s a nice touch and makes him feel different instead of the same guy who just happens to be a villain now. Feeling out process to start until Swann flips over Neville and misses a dropkick.

Neville gets sent outside for a dive but is fine enough to drive Swann right into the corner. A missile dropkick sets up a jackknife cover for two and Neville stands on Swann’s head. Neville wants to know if this is it and gets crucifixed for two. Back up and Neville forearms the heck out of Swann for two more and we’re off to the chinlock. The comeback is enough to have Neville take him outside for some whips into the barricade.

Back in and Neville comes up the top, diving straight into a superkick to the jaw. That one looked awesome and both guys are down. Another kick to the jaw and a super hurricanrana sets up a Phoenix flip dive to the floor to put Neville in trouble. They head back inside with Swann hammering away before getting two off something like a Warrior splash.

Neville isn’t down enough that he can’t crotch Swann on top. He also can’t hit the superplex but settles for a hard superkick to stagger the champ. Rich’s spinning kick to the head gets two as Neville gets his foot on the ropes. Swann again takes too long to get up top, allowing Neville to superplex him into the Rings of Saturn for the tap to make Neville champion at 13:29.

Rating: B-. They were beating the heck out of each other in a better than average match. Instead of having Neville squash him in relatively short order, Swann got in some offense, only to eventually not be good enough to overcome the King of the Cruiserweights. This was entertaining, but Neville is going to need some better challengers.

We recap AJ Styles vs. John Cena. Styles defeated Cena twice in a row last year, including with one clean pinfall. Then Cena said he wanted to challenge the champion at the Rumble and since he’s John Cena and one title shy of tying Ric Flair’s record, the match was made.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. John Cena

Cena is challenging and has the black shorts on here so you know it’s a big night. AJ scores with a kick to the leg so Cena clotheslines him to the apron. Cena gets in a few right hands but charges into a boot in the corner to let AJ take over. Back to back knee drops have Cena in trouble but AJ stops to yell at the crowd. A third knee, this time with a You Can’t See Me, misses and Cena is right back with a backdrop.

AJ sticks the landing on an AA though and there’s an enziguri to put Cena down again. There’s a hurricanrana and Cena doesn’t seem to know what to do with Styles. The running seated forearm gives AJ two more but Cena punches him in the face. The Shuffle is broken up though and AJ grabs a wheelbarrow facebuster to put Cena down again. AJ hits the Phenomenal Blitz, only to have Cena hit that hard running clothesline for a breather that he uses when he needs a breather.

Now the Shuffle connects but it’s way too early for the AA. AJ grabs a torture rack into a spinning powerbomb for two more and we get a bit of a pause. They’re doing a good job here of going with the slower pace to build things up here, which is exactly what they should be doing.

The Phenomenal Forearm misses and it’s an AA for two. Another hard running clothesline gives Cena two more but he charges into a Pele to the shoulder. Now the Forearm connects for two more as they’re even in the near falls off the finishers. AJ starts firing off the hard kicks to the chest and Cena doesn’t seem like he’s breathing very well. One too many kicks earns him an electric chair into a faceplant though and Cena is right back into it.

They slug it out with JBL describing AJ as blocking every punch with his face. Apparently that’s fine enough to reverse a right hand into the Calf Crusher but of course Cena reverses into the STF to a nice round of applause. At least they respect some wrestling abilities. Somehow AJ reverses that into an STF of his own but Cena powers to his feet. Instead of an AA though, it’s off to a Figure Four on the champ (because we must praise Flair, though it’s appropriate here).

AJ pulls himself up though and tries a cross armbreaker, which of course is countered into a powerbomb for two. Cena goes up top for the Fameasser but gets powerbombed out of the air. Now the Styles Clash is good for two as the fans are feeling the near falls (as they should with the match picking WAY up in a hurry). Code Red gives Cena two more, followed by AJ’s fireman’s carry backbreaker for the same.

Something like a swinging Big Ending (called a cutter by Mauro) gives Cena two more so it’s time for the big guns. Cena busts out the super AA…….for two. You can see the look of disbelief on Cena’s face and now the fans aren’t sure what to think. The Styles Clash gives AJ his own near fall but Cena counters the Phenomenal Forearm into back to back AA’s for the pin and the title at 24:01.

Rating: A. This took its time to build up and it’s one of the best matches of 2017. Cena using raw power to start but eventually learning what AJ was going to throw at him and adapting made for a great story. He couldn’t win with the mega power move either, eventually having to counter AJ to beat him. That builds on their previous matches and it’s a classic match as a result.

Cena celebrates. JBL: “Man that was good!” Yeah pretty much. Cena heads into the crowd and hands the title to a Make-A-Wish kid because he’s that awesome.

We look at Seth Rollins invading Takeover: San Antonio to call out HHH, who cost him his spot in the Rumble. HHH said Rollins needs to be careful what he wished for. Worry not though as STEPHANIE will be on Raw tomorrow night to deal with Rollins. I’d be terrified too.

Jerry Lawler comes out for commentary on the Rumble.

Back to the Rumble by the Numbers.

15. Only 16 of the 30 possible numbers have won

14. 7 winners are from 1-10

13. 4 have been from 11-20

12. 19 have been from 21-40

11. 27 is the lucky number

10. 1 and 2 have produced 4 winners

9. 1 and 2 have been the final two entrants twice (1995 and 1999)

8. Only one person has won from the same number twice (Batista at #28)

7. Kane has entered the most Royal Rumbles

6. Kane has the most career eliminations

5. Roman Reigns has the most eliminations in one match

4. The World Title has been on the line twice

3. Three men have been runner up twice (Cena, Big Show, HHH)

2. Five men have won twice (Cena, HHH, Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Batista)

1. Only Steve Austin has won three Rumbles

Royal Rumble

Two minutes intervals and it’s Big Cass in at #1, meaning Enzo Amore gets to do the full entrance. We’re just that lucky I guess but the fans are still eating it up at this point. Since everything is bigger in Texas, it would make sense for Big Cass to win here tonight. We hear about some of the bigger names but Cass is going to toss all of them out because Cass is like HBK in 1995. Chris Jericho is in at #2 as his bad luck in the Rumble draws continue (this is his third time as #2).

Cass tosses him down with a fall away slam but an early Empire Elbow misses. The Walls are broken up and it’s Kalisto in at #3 after only ninety seconds. A springboard dropkick staggers Cass and a regular one drops Jericho. Cass can’t powerslam Kalisto and it’s some kicks to cut Cass down again. Mojo Rawley is in at #4 as we’re not even three minutes and fifteen seconds in yet. Corey: “Smackdown Live’s resident blithering idiot.” Lawler: “That’s an insult to blithering idiots”.

Cass takes Rawley into the corner while the other two are down on the apron. Jericho breaks four hours in the Rumble to give him the all time record as Jack Gallagher is in at #5. The length of the aisle really becomes an issue here as Jack takes forever to get to the ring. Once there though he cleans house with the umbrella, including a low blow to a posing Jericho. One heck of a toss sends Kalisto to the mat and it’s Mark Henry in at #6.

Everyone is down when his music hits but Gallagher has enough time to get up and stomp on Jericho by the time he gets there. Gallagher’s headbutt just annoys Mark so he tosses Jack through the ropes (not an elimination). Jack does his Mary Poppins dive with the umbrella and is promptly eliminated. Braun Strowman is in at #7, taking twenty five seconds from the start of his music to get to the ring. Jericho hides on the floor (Jericho: “HE’S HUGE!”) as Strowman gets rid of Mojo, Cass, Kalisto and Henry, the latter after a battle of the giants.

Sami Zayn is in at #8 and is stupid enough to charge into the ring and slug away as fast as he can. Sami stops a charge with a boot but tries a suplex for some reason. Strowman misses a charge into the post but comes right back with a running splash in the corner as Big Show is #9 (to a VERY strong reaction, oddly enough).

We get the big, long walk to the ring where Sami is down in the corner and Jericho is still on the floor. Strowman clotheslines Show down without much effort but a chokeslam cuts him down. Jericho picks now to come back in and is promptly punched down, leaving the giants to lift each other up for failed slam attempts. Strowman manages to muscle Show out though and is the only one standing. The debuting Tye Dillinger is #10 (in the perfect (ten) entrance), giving us Jericho, Strowman, Zayn and Dillinger. Tye goes straight at Strowman with forearms and left hands as Sami gets up to help him slug away at the giant.

They get suplexed down without much effort though and it’s James Ellsworth in at #11. He and Carmella run to the ring (in a relationship that was never explained) but don’t get in, allowing Tye and Sami to pull Strowman to the apron. Dean Ambrose is in at #12 and tricks Ellsworth into charging in on his own where Strowman eliminates him in all of ten seconds. That’s better than I was expecting. Dean gets in but can’t do much with Strowman (well duh) but Tye and Sami get back up to help Dean out. That earns them all running clotheslines in the corner and it’s Baron Corbin in at #13.

That means four on one on Strowman, who shrugs them all away. Strowman dumps Tye but Sami grabs him by the beard for a breather. A Helluva Kick rocks Strowman and Corbin gets rid of the monster after a star making performance. Dean hits a quick Dirty Deeds on Corbin but doesn’t try to eliminate him. Dean never was the smartest guy in the world.

Kofi Kingston is in at #14 and the countdown is on to the cool save. Kofi gets knocked into the ropes and Corbin does his slide underneath the ropes into a clothesline on Dean. The Miz is in at #15 (thankfully with Maryse), giving us Jericho (STILL on the floor), Sami, Ambrose, Corbin and Miz at the moment.

A Skull Crushing Finale drops Dean but Miz doesn’t go for the elimination. Deep Six cuts Miz off as the crowd oddly dies for a bit. For no logical reason, Kofi climbs to the top of the post but gets knocked down onto his chest. He still manages to hang on though and scores with Trouble in Paradise on Corbin. Sheamus is in at #16 and it’s time for some powerslams. Miz backs away from Sheamus but gets caught in the ten forearms to the chest. Jericho gets back up and is promptly Brogue Kicked down.

Big E. is in at #17 and it’s a quick abdominal stretch on Miz, allowing for some spanking. If that’s what he’s into I guess. The ring is getting too full and Rusev (with a broken nose) makes it even worse at #18. Right hands have Dean in trouble but no one is seriously close to being eliminated.

Sheamus gets in a hard knee on Miz and it’s Cesaro in at #19. It’s an early Swing to Miz and a second to Sami. Jerry: “Use him as a weapon!” Ambrose and Kofi are swung as well, followed by Big E. and Corbin but Rusev saves Sheamus from the same fate for some reason. You might notice a lot of names being swung and that’s because there are WAY too many people in the ring.

Xavier Woods is in at #20, giving us Jericho, Zayn, Ambrose, Corbin, Kingston, Miz, Sheamus, Big E. Rusev, Cesaro and Woods. We’re two thirds of the way into the match and over half of the people are still in. New Day beats Sheamus up and Woods has to save Kofi from an elimination at Miz’s hands. A pair of boots rock Miz but he’s not going anywhere yet. Bray Wyatt, with the lights going out, is in at #21 and the Fireflies coming out during the match is a cool visual.

Miz gets the release Rock Bottom and house is cleaned until Woods stares Wyatt down in a call back to Woods being terrified of Bray. Woods is sent to the apron and Kofi is put there next to him. Big E. saves his buddies from Cesaro and Sheamus as Apollo Crews is in at #22. Crews’ standing moonsault hits Miz as this is looking like a regular battle royal rather than the Rumble. Big E. pulls Woods and Kofi back inside but Sheamus and Cesaro get rid of all three of them at once to let the ring breathe a bit. Sheamus tries to dump Cesaro but Jericho runs in to get rid of both of them. Well the ring is certainly emptier in a hurry.

Randy Orton (of the Wyatt Family because reasons) is in at #23 with a quick RKO to Corbin and Rusev. Sami goes up top for some reason and dives right into another RKO. Dolph Ziggler is in at #24 and superkicks abound. The fans are begging for Goldberg to come in and get rid of some of these people but have to settle for Luke Harper at #25. We have five spots left and Goldberg, Undertaker and Brock Lesnar still to go. Harper gets rid of Crews but stops for a staredown with Orton. Wyatt has to play peacekeeper until Harper clotheslines Bray down. Orton breaks up Sister Abigail on Bray with an RKO as the ring is too full again.

Brock Lesnar is in at #26 and now we can get rid of some people. Ziggler and Ambrose are tossed with ease and it’s Suplex/F5 City. Everyone is down and the fans want Goldberg at #27. Instead it’s Enzo Amore in at #27 and I’ll let you figure out what happens. Graves: “THIS MAY BE THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!” Brock throws some suplexes until Goldberg is in at #28 for the big showdown. A spear and a clothesline get rid of Lesnar in all of fifteen seconds, stunning both the crowd and commentary at once. Sami eats a Jackhammer and Orton/Wyatt take a double spear.

Goldberg is the only man standing and it’s Undertaker in at #29 to a ROAR. Thankfully he appears in the ring instead of doing the ridiculously long walk down the ramp. Cole: “THIS IS A MOMENT!” Well those are what matter more than anything else. Corbin and Rusev break up the showdown and are promptly eliminated. A spear takes Undertaker down but Goldberg turns his attention to eliminate Harper, allowing Undertaker to dump him. Undertaker chokeslams a few people and it’s Roman Reigns at #30 (imagine the booing) to give us Jericho, Sami, Miz, Wyatt, Orton, Undertaker and Reigns.

That means another staredown and Reigns wins the slugout. The fans are LIVID and call this BS until Undertaker stops the Superman Punch with a chokeslam. Undertaker dumps Miz and Zayn like they’re nothing but takes too long calling for a Tombstone, allowing Reigns to dump him. That earns Reigns a glare to set up the Wrestlemania main event.

Jericho is dead so Reigns tosses him without much effort, giving Jericho the most meaningless hour run in Rumble history. Reigns is left alone with Orton and Wyatt with the double teaming starting in short order. The hanging DDT plants Reigns but Superman Punches get Roman out of trouble. Wyatt is eliminated but it’s an RKO and a clothesline to send Orton to Wrestlemania at 1:02:08.

Rating: D. And that’s being pretty generous. There are tons of problems here, but we’ll start with all the midcarders who were around forever and did nothing. Here are some of the people who weren’t going to win but were in the match for at least twenty minutes each:

Sami Zayn (47:12)

Dean Ambrose (26:55)

Baron Corbin (32:39)

Miz (32:44)

Rusev (22:31)

Those five names combined for one elimination. That’s a crazy amount of time to basically do nothing. If they’re not going to be factors (and none of them were as they were almost all glorified cannon fodder), don’t leave them out there go clog up the ring. It doesn’t do Sami any good to be out there for forty five minutes and do nothing, just like it doesn’t help Miz to be there for half an hour so people can beat on him. Jericho was a potential winner and stayed in there over an hour (spending a lot of it on the floor) but what good is an hour stay if he’s tossed out like he’s nothing after a mere two eliminations?

That brings us to the second problem: the three big names. This match was built around Goldberg, Brock Lesnar and Undertaker (the three of them and Cena are dead center on the post) and they combined to get rid of TEN people (over a third of the eliminations) despite being in the match for less time combined than any of the five names mentioned above. None of them made the final four but they cleared the way for the grouping. That’s some really bad planning and a lack of drama, especially when it makes everyone left look life afterthoughts. Let one of them be there as a dragon for the winner to slay at the very least.

Throw in a lack of meaningful surprises (Reigns was the only name of value not announced in advance) and no nostalgia to be seen (but we needed Apollo Crews and Dolph Ziggler to combine for ten minutes in the ring and not get rid of anyone) and there was very little to care about for the biggest part of the Rumble. Strowman stuff was fun, but after him there was a FIFTEEN MINUTE stretch with no eliminations. This was a terribly planned out Rumble and managed to turn one of the most entertaining matches of the year into something incredibly boring.

Overall Rating: C+. It says a lot when the Royal Rumble is the only bad thing on the show. Other than that, the worst match is…..I guess the women’s match? This show was rather awesome but the Rumble itself was such a mess that it brings the rest of the show way down. This was a good show that cold have been great and I have no idea how they thought that was the right idea with the Rumble. That should usually be the most important thing on the show but it felt like something they threw together here, which really misses the point. Fix the Rumble and it’s a classic. As it is, it’s just good.

Ratings Comparison

Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Original: C

Redo: C-

Sheamus and Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Bayley vs. Charlotte Flair

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

Original: B

Redo: B+

Rich Swann vs. Neville

Original: C+

Redo: B-

John Cena vs. AJ Styles

Original: A-

Redo: A

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: C+

That Rumble rating is ridiculous. Most of the rest of the matches are in the same ballpark though and that’s a good thing.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/01/29/royal-rumble-2017-i-can-go-with-that/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Superstar Spectacle
Date: January 26, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Shahoz Ali

This is the start of WWE’s latest attempt to make it into India, as we are getting a special (taped in Florida, like everything else) featuring WWE stars in the ring with Indian stars. Eventually we could be seeing an NXT India out of the whole thing so consider this getting the feet wet. Let’s get to it.

This is being broadcast on television in India so there will be some commercials included despite it being a Network special. It is airing on Republic Day, which is the anniversary of the day India became a republic (seems like something similar to (I’m aware it’s not the same) the 4^th of July for Americans). Cool.

HHH narrates a video (I know this because we get a Narrated By Triple H graphic) about WWE’s history in India, showing various wrestlers in the country over the years, including footage of Bret Hart with the Winged Eagle belt to show you how far back things go. Various stars of Indian descent talk about what this means to them and now it is time to start a new future. HHH talks over clips of new Indian wrestlers (complete with name graphics as these people are mostly making their debuts) and we’re ready to go.

The fans on the Thunderdome screens are all from India.

We get a video on Guru Raaj, who is a high flier who came from a rough childhood, including being run over by a tractor. Well that’s extreme.

Finn Balor vs. Guru Raaj

Non-title. Balor armbars him down but Raaj snapmares his way to freedom and puts on an armbar of his own. Back up and we hit the standoff so Balor headlocks him down. Raaj is back up with a headlock takeover of his own but this time Balor rolls out and hits a basement dropkick. We take a break and come back with Raaj fighting out of an abdominal stretch. An elbow to the face sets up a backsplash, with Raaj getting up but then remembering he wanted to nip up instead.

Balor takes him into the corner and unloads with stomps before chopping Raaj into another corner. The Sling Blade connects but the shotgun dropkick is countered with an enziguri for two. A bunch of kicks, capped off by a jumping shot to the head, sets up a high crossbody for two. That’s enough for Ali to remember that he’s on commentary and actually say something, but the shotgun dropkick quiets him down all over again. The Coup de Grace into 1916 finishes Raaj at 10:39.

Rating: C. All things considered, this was not bad at all. Raaj has not been training long (a year, which is nothing in wrestling) and while he looked a little unsure and rough at times, he certainly did not embarrass himself. There is no shame in losing to a former World Champion so this went as well as could be expected and gives me hope for what we’re going to be seeing.

We get a post match handshake (side note: I’m not sure if it’s the new 8k cameras, but there have been some shots that look like they’re in either a movie or a video game and they’re messing me up every single time).

We meet Giant Zanjeer, who, like many others on this show, was trained by Great Khali. He thinks if he trains hard, he can be champion too.

We meet Dilshar Shanky, who is 7’ tall and wants to do this for his parents.

Rey Mysterio/Giant Zanjeer/Dilsher Shanky/Ricochet vs. Cesaro/King Corbin/Shinsuke Nakamura/Dolph Ziggler

So Nakamura is a heel again (or at least he’s teaming with them) and Ziggler isn’t even in there with his regular partner? Shanky goes 7’ and is the second tallest member of the team, after the 7’2 Zanjeer. Well that should get them noticed somewhere. Ziggler goes for Shanky’s leg to start and is tossed into the corner without much trouble. Nakamura tries a cheap shot and is thrown into the corner for the big running splash. Zanjeer comes in, tosses Corbin onto the pile, and adds a chop. Cesaro thinks better of fighting both giants on his own and we take a break.

Back with Cesaro throwing Mysterio back inside and handing it off to Nakamura, who sends Mysterio into the corner. Corbin gets in a few shots and brings Ziggler back in as they take turns on Ziggler. All of the villains get together to knock the giants and Ricochet to the floor but Rey manages to hurricanrana Corbin into the corner. That’s enough for the hot tag off to Ricochet, who grabs a spinning suplex. The standing shooting star gets two on Ziggler, who is right back with the Zig Zag.

Ricochet slips away and brings in Zanjeer, who cleans house with some big shoulders. Shanky comes back in and drops and elbow for two but gets swarmed by everyone else. Everything breaks down and Zanjeer throws Ricochet onto the pile on the floor. Cesaro dumps Zanjeer to the floor but gets booted in the face by Shanky. That sets up the 619 and the splash off of Shanky’s shoulders lets Rey pin Cesaro at 9:58.

Rating: C+. Again, this worked because they aren’t letting these guys out of their comfort zones. The giants are going to be limited because they’re so big, but they didn’t do anything outside of standard big man stuff. The key to that is the did the basic stuff well, which is WAY better than trying something complicated and screwing it up. They got in, did their stuff well, and got out to let the veterans do the main work. This went well and the giants looked pretty good at what they were doing.

Rey and Ricochet get on the giants’ shoulders to celebrate.

WWE is working with a charity to help girls get scholarships. Nothing wrong with that.

Paul Heyman and Roman Reigns aren’t happy but wish us a happy Republic Day.

Video on Jeet Rama, whose grandfather was a wrestler and apparently has been with WWE for a good many years without ever making it to television.

AJ Styles vs. Jeet Rama

Omos is here with AJ. Rama is a multiple time national champion in some form of grappling and has some size to him (not a giant, but fairly tall and has some muscle on him). AJ goes for the arm to start but gets taken into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs. Rama’s armbar is broken up with a shot to the head and AJ knocks him to the floor for the slingshot forearm.

We take a break and come back with AJ holding a chinlock as Cole says Rama is following in the footsteps of stars like Runjin Singh. Rama gets in a pair of suplexes for two but AJ catches him on top for a drop onto the turnbuckle. It’s too early for the Styles Clash so AJ settles for the Calf Crusher. The hold stays on for a good bit until Rama manages to drive AJ’s head into the mat for the break. Rama gets in a belly to belly but Omos breaks up a belly to belly superplex. The Phenomenal Forearm finishes at 11:42.

Rating: C. You can tell that Rama has a lot more experience and a style that works for him, but the match was only ok. The lack of even a limp after spending that long in the Calf Crusher didn’t help, but Omos interfering to (possibly) save Styles worked. Perfectly watchable match as this show continues to work out well.

Post match, AJ and Omos give Rama some applause.

Video on Indus Sher, who you might remember from a very brief run as a monster team in NXT. One of them was on a popular TV show and the other was a professional baseball player and the subject of the movie Million Dollar Arm.

Big E. and Xavier Woods to introduce a Bollywood dance but here are the Street Profits to help them. The four of them introduce a musical dance troupe for a pretty cool performance. More men and women dance in the ring with the rest of the troupe joining them. This looked rather awesome.

Great Khali, surrounded by I’m assuming his students, says what sounds like something positive.

Charlotte/Sareena Sandhu vs. Bayley/Natalya

Bayley and Sandhu have the same trainer. Charlotte’s gear is in the colors of the Indian flag and she shrugs off Natalya’s wristlock to start. Bayley comes in so Charlotte sends both of them into the corner. It’s off to Sandhu for a double high crossbody and stereo baseball slides put Bayley and Natalya on the floor as we take a break (with Charlotte and Sandhu dancing a bit).

Back with Charlotte suplexing Bayley and hitting the backbreaker into the Downward Spiral into the corner. Sandhu gets two off a butterfly suplex and a small package gets the same on Natalya. Bayley offers a distraction though and Natalya kicks Sandhu to the floor. The leglock has Sandhu in trouble but she reverses into one of her own. That’s enough to bring Bayley in for the save and she knocks Charlotte off the apron for a bonus. Charlotte kicks Bayley in the face but Natalya clotheslines Sandhu down. The Sharpshooter goes on but Charlotte makes the save with Natural Selection, giving Sandhu the pin at 6:08.

Rating: C-. Probably the weakest match of the night but it’s not like it was anything bad. Natalya isn’t going to give up anything by taking a fall here and it gives Sandhu a little credibility. They kept this moving and the match worked out fine enough and it’s ok that Sandhu needed a bit of help to pin Natalya.

Video on Kavita Devi, who had to miss the show due to a family emergency in India. She has been in a few battle royals and the Mae Young Classics and wants to be a role model in India.

Here’s Ric Flair (they really will put him on anything) to say how cool it is to have this many fans from India here and wishes everyone a happy Republic Day.

Jinder Mahal/Bollywood Boyz vs. Drew McIntyre/Indus Sher

McIntyre’s entrance cuts off Mahal’s usual speech. Drew says he’s glad to have Mahal back but you NEVER interrupt Ric Flair. Mahal has a nice three man team but McIntyre has his own three man band of destruction and introduces Indus Sher, who are about McIntyre’s size. McIntyre and Mahal (now mostly bald) start things off but it’s off to Sunil Singh, who hits McIntyre in the face.

That goes very badly for him and it’s off to Rinku for a big elbow. Saurav comes in for a World’s Strongest Slam so Samir comes in to get beaten up as well. Samir is tossed over the top and onto Sunil and it’s the good guys clearing the ring as we take a break. Back with Samir slipping over Rinku’s back and hammering away before handing it off to Mahal. Rinku goes shoulder first into the post and Sunil gets two off a top rope elbow.

Samir’s armbar doesn’t exactly work so he tries to pull on Rinku’s leg instead. Mahal has some more luck with the armbar but he makes the misatke of going after Saurav, allowing Rinku to get in a shot to the face. The hot tag bring in McIntyre to clean house but a jumping knee cuts off the Claymore. Saurav comes in and wrecks the Boyz, leaving McIntyre to Claymore Mahal. A side slam/middle rope elbow combination (the replay was quite the relief as I had thought it was a horribly missed legdrop) finishes Sunil at 9:04.

Rating: C. They had the more experienced guys in the main event here and that was a good idea as it felt like a better match all around. McIntyre and Mahal having enough of a history worked out well and it means something to have Mahal in there, just due to the success that he had. Perfectly fine main event here and McIntyre being in there makes sense as one of the faces of the company.

A bunch of people and the dance troupe come out to applaud to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I’d call this a rather nice success as the whole point was just getting a little sample of what you could see in an NXT India. The wrestlers need a lot of experience (which is where a Performance Center can come into play) but they were far from terrible here. Granted it helps to be in there with some of the best workers in WWE, but that’s the exact right idea. Have some veterans in there who can keep things as under control as possible. It’s not a great show on its own, but it did what it was supposed to do and felt cool. There is a long way to go, but for a start, it worked out well.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.