Again, we might as well just name this after one of the Divas.
The problem with this award is how do you define bad. What makes a match worse than another? I mean, if a match lasts a minute and is horrible, is that worse than a match that lasts ten minutes but is just a hair higher quality? Is a match worse if it bombs on a big stage than if it’s a nothing match on some random TV show? For me, the lengths plays a role. I’d much rather sit through an atrocious four minute match than some 14:34 disaster that exists to promote a reality show.
In case you find that very specific, I think you can tell where I’m going. For me, this belongs to the Divas elimination match at Survivor Series 2014. This match went on FOREVER and featured more botches than a Sin Cara highlight reel. It’s clear that most of these girls could barely survive on a taped show so the solution was to throw them out there in front of the world? I know they need ring time, but make sure they know what they’re doing before they’re on the freaking Survivor Series.
To keep this from being short, here are a few other common answers that I didn’t select for one reason or another.
A popular pick is Undertaker vs. Lesnar, but I can’t call a match with that kind of historical significance that elicited that powerful of a reaction (more on that later) the Worst Match of the Year. Yeah it was horrible with Brock’s head not even coming close to the mat on the Tombstone, but I can forgive a lot of that with the Undertaker being injured early in the match.
Brock vs. Cena was much more of an angle than a match. Yeah it was a squash, but tell me you weren’t freaking out watching that. That made Lesnar look stronger than ever and blew my mind as I was watching it. I actually shouted NO WAY at my screen when he hit the F5 30 seconds in. It may have been dull, but it certainly got a response.
The last match I keep seeing was Orton vs. Cena at the Royal Rumble, which is much more bizarre than bad. It’s no masterpiece but it’s far from horrible. They know each other incredibly well and the fans really calm down after the first two or three minutes. It was much more an example of the fans rejecting something rather than it actually being bad. They even threw something new out there with the stealing finishers. It’s something I NEVER want to see again, but it’s certainly not the worst.
That Divas tag though is just a disaster. Cameron is somehow getting worse in the ring and dragging down the talented girls. Can’t we just have Naomi being the female Shelton Benjamin and Paige doing all her awesome stuff while Natalya and Alicia are in the background being passable? No, instead we have to watch the girls botch everything and then talk about how hard they work to get here and gain respect or whatever the latest Diva creed that Stephanie has come up with is.
2014 Awards – Worst Angle of the Year
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.
Anyone who has followed me this year should be able to figure this one out.
We’ll start with the weaker ones.
Dixie Carter going through a table. The fact that TNA showed this one a week before it took place hurt me a bit, but not as much as her back hurt after the bump broke two bones in it. The problem here is it came WAY too late and I really didn’t care by the end.
Daniel Bryan cheating on Brie. Thankfully this lasted like five days before they just pulled the plug on Claire Lynch Mach II.
Batista is a face. Seriously, that might be the biggest bomb of the year. See what I did there?
That leaves us with the thing I probably complained about more than anything else all year: the freaking Bella Twins. We had to go through MONTHS of these two running their mouths, having bad matches, the NEVER ENDING PROMOS and “I’ve never told anyone about this” before they just freaking reunited like nothing ever happened because they’re sisters. On top of that there’s Nikki trying to be all serious despite being an appetizer for most of the former big name Divas. I mean, can’t you picture Trish smiling at them and then just kicking them both in the face? These two drove me crazy all year and nothing about them worked.
Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: December 4, 2014
This is an interesting time for WWE as we just got done with a dull week after dropping off a high peak. However, with a show like TLC coming up, there’s only so much work that needs to be done. You can just split up Team Cena vs. the Authority and make a bunch of gimmick matches out of them, which works well enough due to the show being naturally fun. Let’s get to it.
We opened with the Anonymous Raw GM computer talking, only to be cut off by Cena, who didn’t want to rehash this stupid gimmick. Thankfully that more or less was the end of the computer for most of the night because it really doesn’t need to be around. However, the computer did create a major match at TLC: Cena vs. Rollins in a tables match, where Cena can lose his #1 contendership. Rollins has nothing to gain but pride, but that might change as we go along.
The rest of the segment was filled out, because Heaven forbid the opening segment isn’t twenty minutes long, with a huge brawl involving pretty much everyone from the elimination tag, eventually setting up a six man tag for the main event. Again, this could have been cut down by ten minutes but that’s the rule of thumb anymore. The good guys got the worst of it with Cena going through a table.
The Usos won a long Tag Team Turmoil match to earn a shot at the Tag Team Titles. As usual I’m not a fan of these matches as a lot of the falls end way too soon, which makes you wonder why the regular matches don’t end that fast. The important thing here though was the post match scene, as Miz offered Jimmy Uso’s wife Naomi a producer’s card, likely trying to get into her husband’s head. This led to Jimmy coming out and knocking the heck out of Miz later on. I love these little angles that enhance what would be an otherwise run of the mill match. Do more things like this.
In another important moment, Erick Rowan is revealed as a genius guitar playing wine enthusiast. I did a full column on this last night so I’ll keep it short here: adding little characteristics and details to people make them far more interesting than they are in the ring. Give me something that makes me want to see more, because the same matches aren’t going to keep my interest up.
Rowan beat Big Show via DQ when Show hit him with the steps. Those have been a recurring theme between the two of them so odds are we’re seeing something stupid like a steps match at the PPV.
Rusev attacked Zeb Colter off screen and cost us Fandango vs. Swagger. Jack came out a segment later to chase Rusev off and reignite their feud.
Mizdow beat Fernando in a dull match that took place so Jimmy could come out and slap Miz.
Bray Wyatt beat R-Truth for the millionth time before calling out Ambrose again. The key thing here was Dean breaking Bray’s chair, which gave us some of the first real emotions from Wyatt. He looked human for the first time and it opens up some interesting doors for the feud.
Naomi was AJ’s fan chosen partner to beat the Bellas in another lame match. Naturally AJ made Nikki tap because what else would happen?
Paul Heyman put Lesnar’s appearances over as the most important thing you’ll see all year, even though it doesn’t look like Brock is going to be there until after TLC. He also asked who becomes #1 contender after Cena loses at TLC, because Lesnar is going to smash whomever he faces.
The main event was Ryback/Cena/Ziggler vs. Kane/Harper/Rollins with Ziggler sunset flipping Harper for the pin. Big Show came in post match and got beaten up to end the show. This was a very long match at over 25 minutes, but unfortunately it felt more long than good with a ton of chinlocks. Ryback and Ziggler got to look good though as Cena continues to be just kind of in the background like he has been since Survivor Series. It’s kind of interesting for a change, but I could go for more of him talking at least.
Overall the show was more interesting than last week, but they’re going to have to give us something interesting at the Slammys next week. TLC is going to be fun because of how insane things can be with all the gimmicks, but they better be thankful that they only have three weeks to fill because these shows are really getting dull. Granted it probably has something to do with us seeing these exact same things on the way to Survivor Series, but when has that ever stopped the writing staff before?
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It’s time for this months pa…..you don’t actually have to pay for this, unless you pay for the Network every month. However, this is as one note of a show as you can find as the entire show is about Team Cena vs. Team Authority and the rest is barely mentioned. Even after Raw there were only four matches announced with a bonus being added later in the week. This show is going to be all about the main event which is usually a bad idea. Let’s get to it.
We’ll start with the preshow with the new and improved Fandango facing someone to be announced. I have a feeling this is a way to have a big name return against him and beat him, which would be more entertaining. Fandango stopped meaning anything after he didn’t win the Intercontinental Title so I don’t see this meaning anything.
I’ll go in reverse order this time so you might have a reason to keep reading.
Miz and Mizdow need the titles at this point as there’s no reason to not capitalize on Mizdow any longer. He has a short shelf life so giving him a Tag Team Title is about as good as you can ask for from him.
The Bellas get the Divas Title because it’s been a whole month since this stupid personal servant thing started and about three weeks since it meant anything. The sisters seem totally fine with each other anymore and I think we’re setting up a Bellas reunion as a season finale of Total Divas, making the last few months completely pointless. AJ doesn’t need the belt anymore, though to be fair I don’t need the Bellas anymore in general.
Paige, Cameron, Layla and Summer to win the elimination tag in a match that means even less than it seems to.
Bray vs. Dean is one of those matches where it’s a coin flip. Bray needs the win to rebuild himself and Dean has basically been thrown in a freezer since the Cell. The story is good but they need to actually go somewhere with it instead of just saying vague things about Ambrose’s dad causing him all this emotional damage. I can’t imagine this has a clean finish and I’d assume we’re seeing a gimmicky match next month.
That brings us to the main event, which is more along the lines of what kind of swerves we get. The possibilities range from someone turning on Cena to HHH offering immunity to a member of Team Cena to HHH having to step into the match himself and probably a lot more than that. I still think Orton returns and completes his face turn, likely setting up a showdown with Rollins, perhaps for the briefcase and then a feud with Lesnar. Or maybe I’m just wishful.
As for the match itself, I can’t imagine it winds up with anyone but Cena at the end, triumphing over the Authority and winning the day. While this could be a great chance to give someone else a rub, it doesn’t seem like that’s something that’s likely to happen. Rusev isn’t going to get pinned and odds are Ziggler or Rowan pins Harper to set up a match for the title later on. At the end though, it’s probably Cena pinning either HHH or Rollins to free the company from the Authority.
As for the big name rumored to make an appearance, as I’ve said millions of times, I’ll believe it when I see it. If he shows up here to plug the game and that’s the last we see of him, it’s like Dolph Ziggler’s 45 minute title reign a few years back: yeah it happened, but it’s a cheap way to check something off a list.
Overall Survivor Series really isn’t doing it for me, though the main event should be fun. There’s almost bound to be something extra added to the card, with Rose vs. the Bunny as a possibility. Of course they could add a third elimination tag without too much effort, but I can’t imagine they’ll actually do that at SURVIVOR SERIES.
Monday Night Raw – November 10, 2014: Keep Calm And Add Team Members
Monday Night Raw Date: November 10, 2014
Location: Echo Arena, Liverpool, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler
We’re in England for the annual fall tour and the show is taped tonight. The main story for tonight is the “return” of Cena to Raw after missing an entire week. He’ll be facing Ryback, but the important question is who will be added to the Survivor Series teams for the upcoming showdown. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the Authority’s issues last week, including Vince putting their power on the line and Rollins putting Orton out of action.
Here’s Cena to open things up with one of the loudest boos you’ll ever hear. He says the fans know how bad things are for him right now because Survivor Series is coming up. The Authority’s life is on the line and they don’t even want Cena to have a team. People like Zack Ryder tried to make a stand and now he’s going to be out six months.
However, he has two men ready to fight for him: Dolph Ziggler and former World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger. The fans say they want Ziggler and Cena blames the Authority for him not being out here. There’s one more man that Cena has his eye on and he’s a monster. The fans chant FEED ME MORE and that’s exactly who Cena wants out here right now.
Ryback comes out and says the big guy is back but the Authority cuts him off immediately. The entire group is here, complete with Mark Henry as the third man on the team. Stephanie thinks the English fans should love the Authority because they’re so used to being ruled by a monarchy. HHH says everything is on the line for the Authority and of course he’s trying to scare people out of being on Team Cena. The stakes have been raised so the game has changed. Who has the guts to join Team Cena when everything is on the line?
Cena only has two guys on his team right now but Ziggler isn’t likely to make it to Survivor Series. Cena: “You said the same thing about Daniel Bryan.” The HUGE YES chant suggests that Bryan is still over. HHH takes credit for Bryan being on the shelf and suggests that Ziggler will join him after facing Henry tonight. Stephanie brings it back to Ryback, saying that he could have many more main events if he joins Team Authority. Ryback might be the biggest monster the company has ever seen, but Kane doesn’t look happy with that idea.
Ryback seems to like the idea but Cena goes on another rant against the Authority. He doesn’t care who Ryback joins but know the pressure that comes with joining the Authority. The fans chant FEED ME MORE and Ryback says he isn’t afraid of the Authority, but he doesn’t see Cena’s name on the bottom of his paycheck. Ryback lays out Cena with a spinebuster and Stephanie starts a YES chant.
Seth Rollins vs. Jack Swagger
They trade shoulders to start until Rollins bails to the floor for a breather. Back in and Swagger snapmares him into an armbar to slow things down again. Rollins bails again and we take an early break. Back with Rollins in control and the fans chanting for JBL. Jack quickly breaks out of a chinlock and backdrops Seth out to the floor. The Stooges tell Colter to stay back and that’s exactly what the mustached wonder does.
Back in and a big boot sets up the Vader Bomb for two and the Patriot Lock goes on. Ropes are quickly grabbed though and Seth is sent out to the floor. Another Patriot Lock has Seth in trouble outside but he sends Swagger face first into the post. Back in and the Curb Stomp is good for the pin at 11:26.
Rating: C. Thanks for coming Jack, nice to see you’re still as big of a loser as you always were. At least have him beat someone before you crush him like this. Unless they’re going with the idea of Cena basically being on his own at the PPV, I really don’t see the need to have Swagger get beaten this decisively.
Post match the doctor looks at Swagger so Rollins gives Jack another Curb Stomp.
We look at Ambrose on the Peep Show from Smackdown. Wyatt interrupted and said Dean was just as broken as Harper and Rowan were. Bray mentioned Dean’s father being in prison and seemed to get under Ambrose’s skin.
Ambrose says he has a rap sheet as long as your arm but he doesn’t claim to be anyone’s hero. He’s fighting demons a lot scarier than Bray Wyatt but he doesn’t hide from anything. Dean is going to take Bray down hard with him and there’s a special place waiting for both of them. The match is official for Survivor Series.
Kane tells Ryback he’ll be at ringside for the main event. Ryback says he’s got it covered so Kane tells him to learn some humility. Ryback tells him to stay out of his way.
Paige vs. Alicia Fox
Guess who the fans are behind here. Fox jumps Paige to start and kicks her out to the floor. Back in and a northern lights suplex gets two for Alicia and a backbreaker gets the same. Paige gets all fired up and nails the Rampaige for the pin at 2:14.
Stephanie recruits Rusev for the Authority but Lana isn’t sure. They’ll consider it though. McMahon calls her a stuck up little Russian twit and offers to scratch Lana’s back if Lana will scratch hers.
Xavier Woods video. I believe this is the same as last week.
The Authority watches Vince’s speech from last week and say Vince has tried this kind of stuff before. HHH thinks he’s trying to split them up but says they’ll dominate at Survivor Series. Stephanie asks what if but HHH says they can’t think like that.
Here are the Russians for a victory celebration. Lana calls Rusev being US Champion ironic because Russia is superior to the United States. If not for Russia saving the British military, everyone here would be speaking German. A Russian guy in a suit reads a proclomation from Putin, basically saying woo hoo go Rusev. The Russian national anthem plays but Sheamus cuts things off. He storms the ring and Rusev bails to the floor.
We love veterans!
US Title: Sheamus vs. Rusev
Rusev is defending. Sheamus powers him into the corner to start and knocks the champion to the apron for the ten forearms. They head outside with Sheamus being sent into the apron and then thrown onto the announcers’ table for a good crash. Back in and Rusev puts on a hard front facelock to take Sheamus back down to the mat. Off to a cobra clutch for a bit before a big spinwheel kick puts Sheamus down again.
Back from a break with Sheamus fighting out of a chinlock as the Stooges are watching from ringside. Sheamus nails his running ax handles to the face but charges into a dropkick to put him right back down. A powerslam drops Rusev for two and Sheamus heads to the apron for the ten forearms. The slingshot shoulder sets up White Noise but Rusev rolls out. He doesn’t roll far enough though as Sheamus tries the Cloverleaf. Rusev kicks away but Sheamus grabs a jackknife rollup for two.
The champ comes right back with a gutwrench suplex for two and takes Sheamus to the corner, only to get caught in White Noise for an even closer two. The fans start an OLE chant as the Brogue Kick misses. Instead Rusev bails to the floor so Sheamus nails a top rope shoulder to drop him again.
Another ax handle to the head has Rusev in trouble and Sheamus throws him into the barricade over and over. Rusev dives back in and the referee checks on him as the Stooges jump Sheamus. The referee turns back around and starts the count at 8 (totally against the rules that have been in place for like, ever) to count Sheamus out at 15:47.
Rating: B-. As I was watching the finish, I actually said “they’re going to restart the count”, because THAT’S WHAT THEY ALWAYS DO. I mean, Gorilla Monsoon used to point that out and it’s been the case as long as I can remember. Then again, this is WWE where you can change the rules on a whim, especially when you need a way out of a good match. As usual, you can tell how good a Sheamus match is based on how sweaty his hair gets. Good stuff here.
Post break Lana agrees to put Rusev on Team Authority.
We recap the opening segment.
Rollins comes in to see Ryback and tells him to take orders from him instead of Kane. Ryback says he destroys whatever target is in front of him. Also, it’s the big man, not the big guy.
Los Matadores vs. Miz/Damien Mizdow
The actors have Hornswoggle in a black coat of his own. Miz runs over Fernando to start but Fernando keeps dropping to the mat until OLE! Diego comes in with a slingshot hilo for two but gets caught in a Reality Check. Lawler points out that almost all of the teams in the tag division look alike as the fans want Mizdow. Miz teases tagging him in but opts for a corner clothesline on Diego instead.
A top rope ax handle gets two on Diego as Jerry wants to know why Miz has a stunt double but Tom Cruise doesn’t. It’s finally off to Mizdow for one of the loudest pops of the night. Miz almost immediately tags himself back in and Diego runs over for a tag to Fernando. Everything breaks down and Miz kicks Fernando in the face. The little guys get into it and we get the Wrestlemania V ending with Mizdow holding down Fernando’s foot to give Miz the pin at 4:55.
Rating: D+. This is basically the same thing as we had last week with the tag teams having matches against each other. I’d almost bet on Goldust vs. Jey Uso either tonight or next week just to complete the foursome. Odds are it’s a fourway tag match at Survivor Series, even though I’m not sure how they fill in a card with 18 people in two matches.
Ziggler and Cena have a meeting in the back with Cena saying Swagger has been lost. Dolph isn’t going to let the same thing happen to him and Cena promises to have his back. Cena goes to leave when HHH dances in. HHH is cool with Cena having his back but not at ringside. The boss leaves, singing Another One Bites the Dust on the way out.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Mark Henry
Non-title again and we get the eyes talking to Dolph before the match again. The big man misses a charge in the corner and a rollup gets two for Dolph. Ziggler charges into a bearhug but faceplants Henry down to get a breather. They head outside with Henry missing a charge into the barricade but coming up with a chair for the DQ at 2:47.
Henry loads up the steps post match and loads up the World’s Strongest Slam. Cue Big Show who blocks a steps shot and knocks Henry to the floor. Show says he’s on Team Cena, which shouldn’t be that big of a surprise.
Video on Kofi Kingston in the exact same style of the Woods video, even shouting NEW DAY over and over. So the stable is happening.
Team Cena meets up in the back and says they need two more. Sheamus comes up and says they just need one more.
Brie Bella vs. AJ Lee
Non-title again. Brie quickly takes her down and gets two off a running knee to the face. A missile dropkick puts AJ down again but Brie charges into some knees in the corner. The Black Widow is good for the submission at 2:14.
Nikki lays out AJ with the Rack Attack post match.
We see the veteran who is walking again using some new technology from Smackdown. Still cool.
Henry comes in to see Ryback and talks down to him as well. I sense a theme building.
The Grumpy Cat is still guest starring on Raw next week. Seriously that’s happening.
Adam Rose vs. Tyson Kidd
Rose is still WAY over despite teasing a heel turn on Friday. The match is just getting going when Erick Rowan comes out and scares the Bunny half to death. He takes off the mask and says “she’s not here” before walking into the crowd. Natalya maybe? Rose kicks Kidd in the face and hits some running clotheslines but the Bunny gets on the top rope. Adam shouts him down but Kidd uses the distraction to put on the Sharpshooter for the submission at 2:20.
Post match the Bunny hops around Rose and helps him up, only to get kicked in the ribs for his efforts. Rose leaves with the Express, who doesn’t seem to mind.
We recap Vince’s speech from last week again to set up the stakes at Survivor Series.
The Authority (minus Ryback) is having a meeting. Kane thinks Ryback has an attitude when Ryback walks in. HHH says the match tonight is about Ryback so he should destroy Cena in short order. Stephanie gives them a pep talk.
Chris Jericho will be back on Smackdown for the Highlight Reel with the Authority.
Same Ambrose/Wyatt video from Friday as earlier.
Wyatt pops up on screen and says society tells us that we’re all imperfect. Everyone is to be accepted for who we are though. Even someone as different as a Dean Ambrose, when people would rather spit on him than throw him a dollar. Bray walks the same wire as Ambrose, who admits he was a sinner. Dean got that from his daddy, who was a sinner as well.
Society tells us that sin is bad but that’s just another lie they teach us. Bray knows the future for Ambrose because Bray is sin himself. If God walked this earth, he would make oceans to walk away from Wyatt himself. Dean can join Wyatt on the path of righteousness or he can walk away alone.
ECW Exposed is on the Network after Raw goes off the air. Joey Styles and Paul Heyman are at the studio and hype up the show a bit.
John Cena vs. Ryback
The Authority (minus the leaders) is at ringside. Ryback throws Cena around and runs him over with a shoulder to start. An early AA attempt is countered but Cena fights back with right hands to knock Ryback into the corner. The bulldog is easily countered into a powerslam for two and Cena is in trouble again. More right hands have little effect as Ryback throws Cena at the Authority’s feet. Kane yells at Ryback a bit, allowing Cena to send Ryback flying into Kane for a big crash as we take a break.
Back with Cena diving into a slam and getting suplexed for two. Cena grabs a belly to belly to put both guys down but gets caught with a Thesz Press. Ryback rams John’s head into the mat over and over before getting two off a splash. The Shell Shock is countered but Ryback counters the shoulder into a powerslam for two. Cena backflips out of a powerbomb and escapes something like a Razor’s Edge to put on the STF.
The hold is quickly broken and Ryback hits a kind of slingshot cross body for two. Cena comes right back with an STF in the middle of the ring but Ryback casually powers up into a Shell Shock. That’s countered as well into the ProtoBomb but Kane gets on the apron for a distraction. A spinebuster plants Cena again as the Authority is having issues on the floor. Kane gets in and nails Cena for the DQ at 15:07.
Rating: B-. These two have nice chemistry together and this was no exception. Ryback is capable of working more than just a quick match which is the best thing that could possibly happen for him. He may not be ready for the title but he can hold his own in the ring, which is a major problem for so many power guys.
Ryback shoves Kane post match so Rollins comes in to break it up. Ryback nails him so Kane boots him down as the Authority goes after Cena. Sheamus tries to come in for a save but gets caught by the numbers. Cue Big Show to knock out the Stooges but the numbers take him down as well. Ziggler is nowhere in sight but Ryback comes back in and destroys the Authority. He doesn’t say anything to Cena as he leaves. Cena counts his team and looks at Ryback before slowly applauding.
We cut to HHH and Stephanie in the back when Ziggler is thrown onto their couch. HHH looks up and sees Luke Harper, who says he’s a team player. The bosses aren’t sure what to do as we go off the air.
Overall Rating: C+. I liked this show for one major reason: stuff is actually happening again. There’s stuff like Rowan searching for someone, the teams taking shape, the tag feud (boring but happening) and the Bellas stuff (they look good at least). It’s so much better than the same boring stuff over and over again and makes the show so much easier to sit through. It’s still not great, but I’ll take this stuff over the dull episodes any day.
Results
Seth Rollins b. Jack Swagger – Curb Stomp
Paige b. Alicia Fox – Rampaige
Rusev b. Sheamus via countout
Miz/Damien Mizdow b. Los Matadores – Miz fell on Fernando
Dolph Ziggler b. Mark Henry via DQ when Henry hit him with a chair
AJ Lee b. Brie Bella – Black Widow
Tyson Kidd b. Adam Rose – Sharpshooter
John Cena b. Ryback via DQ when Kane interfered
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Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: September 22, 2014
We’re coming off Night of Champions and things have to be shaken a bit due to Roman Reigns’ injury. There’s a big hole at the top of the card at the moment and thankfully Dean Ambrose seems to be there to fill it. The other interesting thing is going to be what happens to the title now as we should be heading towards Cena vs. Lesnar III inside the Cell, but that match is a bit played at this point. It should be interesting to see what happens in the next five weeks. Let’s get to it.
Ambrose came out to open the show and said he wasn’t dead. He promised to stay in the ring all night until he got his hands on Rollins. Instead he got John Cena who teased a brawl because he wanted to beat up Rollins as well. The Authority came out and thankfully Cena and Ambrose just went after them instead of hiding behind the big invisible wall. Rollins got chased to the back and stole a car to avoid a beating from Cena and Ambrose. Dean as the new half of the Super Best Friends could be interesting, though he seems more like a loner than team player. Granted he was part of the best team in years so maybe it does work.
Ziggler got the Intercontinental Title back with the same rollup with a handful of trunks that Miz won it with the night before. I have no idea what the need was to change the title again, but at least it’s being defended. Can we get some new challengers now though?
Video on Reigns being taken out. That could change a lot of things going forward. Someone with a lot of time on their hands should write a column about that.
Jack Swagger beat Bo Dallas again. I’m not sure what the point of having these three trade wins for 8 days is.
Natalya beat Summer Rae in the Total Divas match. Rosa and Layla brawled and still no one cares. Just let them be hot and shake their hips a lot. It’s the only thing people are going to be interested in.
Ambrose beat Kane via DQ when Rollins ran in. Kane wasn’t as useless as he usually was here but it was only a six minute match. Dean fought them off with a chair but was eventually locked in a room by the Authority. Stephanie got in a great line: “Have we ever thrown someone out that didn’t come back?” I love it when they actually pay attention to continuity with little things like that.
Sheamus and the Usos pinned Cesaro and the Dusts in your usual “take two feuds and throw them together” match. This was longer than it needed to be but entertaining enough at the same time. Cesaro and Sheamus hitting each other very hard is all they need to do and it worked here. Usos vs. Dusts is fine, but I’d like to see a few more teams added to the mix. You know, like a division.
Rollins confronted Orton about Randy saying the Authority had to put on Rollins’ fires from earlier in the night. Nothing much came of this but it could be a seed for later.
The Next Generation thing they were hyping was video game stuff. Like it is EVERY FREAKING TIME.
Mark Henry came out to apologize for tapping out last night. The Russians came out to laugh and challenged him to another match. Henry made up for tapping out to the Accolade by only passing out to it this time. To be fair I don’ thtink anyone really believed he was going to knock off Rusev.
Adam Rose and the Bunny beat Slater and O’Neil. I can’t help but like this as it’s so goofy but they’re making it so goofy. All the heat is going to go away when the Bunny is unmasked though.
The Bellas are now arguing over the name Bella. Seriously. This might trump Booker T. and Ahmed Johnson fighting over the letter T. in WCW.
AJ beat Nikki Bella because Nikki is awful in the ring.
Cena beat Orton via DQ when the Authority interfered. There was a box at ringside and, as everyone who has ever watched a wrestling show knew, Ambrose was inside it and helped Cena clean house to end the show.
It’s very obvious that Ambrose is substituting for Reigns but that actually works so much better. Ambrose is the natural rebel whereas Reigns is a wrecking ball and doesn’t really fit in a war against the Authority. In other words, Ambrose is more like Austin while Reigns is more like Batista. That’s a VERY good career to have and Reigns is going to be a big star, but there are a lot more places to go with Ambrose’s character. It might be a better idea to have him as the top guy, assuming the fans buy into them, which they seem to be.
The show was a nice change of pace from the stuff we’ve been having for the last few weeks. Lesnar not being around is good in this case as they need to have some more stuff other than just Lesnar vs. the hero of the month. Cena can get his rematch later but it’s nice to give that feud some time to chill instead of just beating it into the ground. Rebuild Cena and let others fight Lesnar for awhile. Good show this week but it’s more about setting stuff up for later than anything on Monday.
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Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: September 8, 2014
This was a special episode billed as the season premiere. For those of you new to wrestling, that would be WWE code for “AHHH!!! MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL IS BACK AND OUR SHOW SUCKS!!!” WWE had a few weapons to fight the NFL, including Jericho vs. Wyatt in a cage, Orton vs. Reigns II and Jerry Springer, because Vince continues to be out of touch with reality. Let’s get to it.
We opened with a very good cage match between Wyatt and Jericho with Jericho hitting a huge dive off the top of the cage (and possibly breaking his toe in the process) for the big spot. He also tweaked his knee in the process though, allowing Bray to pound on it enough to escape. This was a better match than I was expecting and seems to completely write off the feud. Bray got to look evil and won almost entirely clean, save for the Family blocking Jericho from climbing down at one point. Bray needs to move up a notch with his next feud and a midcard title might be just the ticket.
Orton asked for and received permission to do something evil tonight. This would wind up being attacking Jericho in the trainer’s room, likely setting up a placeholder match for both guys at Night of Champions.
Time for the WWE’s favorite comic idea: fake pictures of a wrestler. This is their jab at the massive celebrity photo leak ordeal from a few weeks ago, because nothing makes me want to cheer someone more than mocking crime. The idea was Ziggler had photos of Miz, including Miz in a facial mask and getting his chest shaved. After Miz and Sandow came out for a brawl, Ziggler showed us the last one: Sandow spray tanning a less than clothed Miz. The segment probably made Vince laugh but I just don’t get it. They’re not offensively bad or anything but the joke doesn’t get more than the occasional chuckle from me.
Paige and AJ Lee beat Natalya/Rosa Mendes in the first Total Divas commercial of the week. The idea here is neither team could get along, but at the end of the day Rosa just isn’t very good and it caught up with her team. Apparently Natalya has taken Rosa under her wing, even though this story should have taken place about four months ago under the Total Divas timeline and we’re just now hearing about it. AJ and Paige both kissed the title belt post match.
Next up was the big segment of the week with Cena talking about how awesome he was before Heyman interrupted and tried to turn John to the dark side, saying it was the only way Cena could beat Lesnar. Paul explained that if Cena finally told the fans to shut up when they were booing him and saying CENA SUCKS that he would be able to take Lesnar out and get his title back. Cena teased it for a bit before going off on Heyman, talking about how he would never give up on what he believed in. He capped it off by telling Heyman to have Lesnar come here next week for a fight, or Cena will beat on Heyman instead.
This was a fifteen or twenty minute back for forth segment between two guys that are born to talk on a mic. The whole thing worked perfectly and Cena finally going toe to toe with Lesnar again next week is going to rock. They’ve done a good job of making me want to see Cena try his luck against Lesnar again, but the interesting part is going to be Cena dealing with better than his best not being good enough to stop Lesnar. They were getting close to this with Bray at Wrestlemania but it didn’t really go anywhere. This has potential though as Cena tries to define his legacy before he finally rides off.
Cesaro cost Sheamus a match against Rollins. There isn’t much to see here and the match wasn’t all that good. Cesaro beat Sheamus up post match to cap things off. It’s nothing new but this is one of the better builds they’ve had to a midcard title match in a long time. Unfortunately they’ve run this match so many times before that I don’t have much of an interest in this showdown. It’s the danger of running the same matches over and over again on TV.
Lana and Rusev did their thing. Nothing to see here, save for Lana of course.
Now we got to one of my favorite parts of the show: an NXT showcase match with Adrian Neville and Sami Zayn beating Tyler Breeze and Tyson Kidd. The interesting thing here was the commentary, as the announcers spent the entire five minute match hyping up the Takeover special and treating this like the only thing that mattered in the world. I know they can’t do that all the time but it was very nice for a change. Neville blew the crowd up with the Red Arrow for the pin on Breeze.
The stupid segment of the night was the Jerry Springer summit with the Bellas. This was basically a way to show clips from Total Divas and have the Bellas’ parents and brother talk about how horrible this fight was. The girls fought and Springer got taken down in the brawl. Here’s the good part though: this was the ONLY Bellas segment of the night and it made all the difference in the world. If they have to do this stupid story then so be it, but don’t make me sit through five segments a week. I can live with something like this where they’re out there like ten minutes total.
The Dusts beat Los Matadores in a nothing match but the Usos took them out post match.
Adam Rose beat Titus O’Neil. The story here was the Bunny, who superkicked Slater and hit a Superfly Splash after the match. I could go for an unmasking story.
Orton and Reigns had a good twenty minute match until Kane and Rollins came in for the DQ. There isn’t much to say about the match as a lot of it was the same as Summerslam, meaning it was good stuff. I like the booking though as there’s no need to have Orton lose clean twice in a row and Reigns already has the big win over Randy so there’s no need to do it again.
Post match Rollins and Kane had the cage lowered (with Rollins nearly getting stabbed by one of the poles in a genuinely scary moment) and Reigns, after fighting back for a bit, taking the Curb Stomp on a chair to end the show. This is the kind of adversity Reigns needs to face on his rise. It’s ok to have him get beaten down as long as he comes back and wins the big match in the end.
Raw this week was WAY easier to sit through as they kept the Bellas stuff contained to a single segment. That’s been the biggest complaint in the last few weeks and the show was much better once that was solved. The show wasn’t the best in the world, but after things have been this boring for so long, I’ll gladly take an ok show.
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Monday Night Raw – September 8, 2014: Two Bellas, A Bunny And A Springer Walk Into A Season Premiere
Monday Night Raw Date: September 8, 2014
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler
It’s the season premiere (code for a gimmick name to try and fight off Monday Night Football) and the show is actually kind of stacked. We have Jericho vs. Wyatt inside a cage and Orton vs. Reigns II, but there’s something else with an even bigger hype: Jerry Springer’s intervention with the Bellas, because WWE thinks it’s 1998. Let’s get to it.
The cage is lowered to open the show.
We get a Season Premiere video with the focus on Jerry Springer and then the two big matches.
Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt
In a cage and you win by pinfall, submission or escape. Bray says the town’s name again. Jericho hammers him down to start and catapults Bray throat before getting two off an enziguri. They slug it out in the corner but Bray pulls Jericho off the top to prevent an escape. A top rope shot to the head puts Bray down but Bray pops up and send shim into the cage. Bray splashes him against the cage and we take a break.
Back with Bray running Jericho over for two. He tries to climb but gets taken down in an electric chair drop. They slug it out with Jericho getting the better of it and taking Wyatt down with a bulldog. The Lionsault looks to set up the Walls but Bray kicks him off. Jericho sends him into the cage and dropkicks Wyatt’s head into the steel. Bray stops another escape attempt and they slug it out on the top rope until Wyatt superplexes him down.
Both guys are on the mat but Bray Spiders up and crawls for the door, only to get caught by the legs. Bray kicks him away again and hits a release Rock Bottom for two. He tries a catapult into the cage but Jericho catches himself on the ropes and tries to climb. Bray catches him again and hammers away on the top rope before nailing a top rope hurricanrana.
Jericho goes to the top of the cage but the Wyatts get in his way. Instead he goes back up and dives onto Bray but comes up holding his knee. Chris takes his knee brace and pad down but can barely get over to the door. Bray tries a charge but Jericho low bridges him into the steel. He’s still able to stop Jericho with shots to (the wrong) knee. They’re on top of each other half out of the cage and elbowing each other in the head. Bray finally starts hitting the correct knee and crawls over Jericho to escape at 17:00.
Rating: B. I was digging this one and it was almost all Bray’s work winning it. The Wyatts stopping the win was fine and Jericho caused the knee injury himself. The ending worked quite well and made sense so the whole thing was on. I’m assuming the knee injury writes Jericho off TV and onto his concert tour.
Bray slams the cage door onto Jericho’s knee to further the damage. He crushes it against the steps and takes him back inside for Sister Abigail.
Rollins and Kane are very excited about what they just saw when HHH and Orton come in. HHH wants to do something special tonight so Orton offers to do something to Orton that makes what happened to Ambrose look like a day at Sunday School. HHH gives him permission to do something.
Here’s Dolph Ziggler with something to say. Cole confirms Miz vs. Ziggler for Night of Champions. Ziggler talks about how big of a week it was in Hollywood last week with the release of all the personal photos. This gives us one of WWE’s favorite comic tropes: wacky wrestling photos!.
We get stuff like Miz wearing a facial mask and shaving his chest (JBL: “So who was taking the pictures?”) but Miz and Sandow interrupt. Miz rants about the invasion of privacy, with Sandow mimicking his hand gestures almost perfectly. They threaten to go after Ziggler so Dolph say she might as well show the last photo: Sandow tanning a less than clothed Miz. Sandow comes in and gets dropkicked and Zig Zagged while Miz walks away.
Paige/AJ Lee vs. Natalya/Rosa Mendes
Natalya takes Paige down to the mat to start and the Total Divas hit a double suplex on the Canadian. The idea here is that Natalya is mentoring Rosa, which I’m sure you know about after watching Total Divas last night. Pay no attention to the fact that the story would have started just after Wrestlemania but we’re just hearing about it now. Paige comes back on Rosa because she’s Rosa but misses a legdrop. Rosa won’t tag so Paige drives knees into her ribs. AJ grabs Paige’s hair for a tag and puts on the Black Widow to make Rosa tap at 2:36.
Post match the winners take turns kissing the Divas Title until AJ skips off.
We look back at the cage match and its aftermath.
Jericho is getting his knee looked at when Orton attacks him. “It’s the season premiere!”
Here’s Heyman for his weekly speech. He talks about walking through the valley of the Cenation, but he fears no thuganomics because he’s the advocate for Brock Lesnar. Heyman goes into his usual about Cena so here’s John to respond. The pose he makes on the stage with his hands on his hips really does make him look like a superhero.
Cena says that if Heyman wants to say something to his face, he’s right here. Heyman wants to give Cena some inside information: how to beat Brock Lesnar at Night of Champions. Cena says he knows how to do that already and it’s because of three simple words. Lesnar beat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania and we haven’t heard from him in six months. Then Lesnar beat Cena at Summerslam but Cena was ready to fight again. His three words are never give up and he hands Heyman a towel saying just that.
Heyman laughs and asks the fans if Cena just can’t help doing himself. He throws the towel down and says that’s Cena’s biggest problem: he lives to be John Cena. John is the kid that waits to come to the live events and chant LET’S GO CENA. But when Lesnar steps into the ring, he doesn’t hear anyone but the referee, Heyman, and his latest victim.
Paul has a gift for Cena tonight and tells him how to survive Lesnar: give in. Listen to those fans that chant CENA SUCKS and there’s no reason to fight anymore. Doesn’t Cena want to give in to that hatred when a fat unemployed man tells Cena that he sucks? Just one time doesn’t he want to tell them to shut up. Heyman offers to help Cena tell them to shut up and wants him to bust a rap on the fans.
Heyman demonstrates with some yo yo yoing and gets down on his knees to beg Cena to do it one time. He doesn’t need to sell his soul to the devil. All Cena has to do is forget this hustle loyalty and respect idea and then he can be the one that beat the 1 in 21-1. Or he can just be one of many victims that fell at Lesnar’s hands. Heyman gets in Cena’s face and says he believes in him, but Lesnar says Cena just doesn’t have it in him.
Cena actually goes to the ropes like Heyman wanted him to but comes back in. The dueling chants begin but Cena tells Heyman to shut up. Cena talks about how he’s not going to drop down to Heyman’s level to pop the fans in the second row and give them a reason to have a good laugh and then run back to the internet to tell Cena how much he sucks. Heyman lives in a world of “eat sleep conquer repeat” and he’d stab Lesnar in the back to get a chance to get himself forward.
Cena admits that Heyman is intelligence but he has no idea what it’s like to live a life with meaning. John’s world is “Eat, sleep, be John Cena, repeat” because that’s what he was born to be. He doesn’t want to change even if he could and loves to be the guy that makes that kid right there do his homework early so he can come here and cheer.
Cena does like being the guy the fathers come up to and say they don’t like him but thanks for doing right by his kid. He likes being the guy that a Make-A-Wish kid wants to spend the day with. He likes being the guy that gets to meet Purple Heart recipients on some Friday night who tell him that Cena inspires him and hands Cena the Purple Heart.
Now Heyman wants Cena to throw all that away to win one match. Paul backs off but Cena says this is what Heyman must love. This is the chance to get all that rage and hatred out of John Cena. John isn’t going to beat up Heyman here because it’s not worth it, but he’ll give Heyman one week to produce Lesnar for a fight. But if Lesnar wants another week off and let Heyman do his business for him then Cena is going to fight Heyman himself. Awesome exchange between two masters here.
Sheamus vs. Seth Rollins
Non-title. Sheamus elbows Rollins out to the floor where Rollins picks up the briefcase and lays it in the corner. Back in and a knee lift and suplex get two for Sheamus. The rolling fireman’s carry sets up a clothesline to put Rollins on the floor but here’s Cesaro for a distraction as we take a break.
Back with Rollins holding a chinlock before Sheamus fights up with elbows to the ribs. He tries the top rope shoulder but only hits mat, allowing Rollins to put the hold back on. This time Sheamus fights to his feet and drops Rollins onto his back for another escape. A tilt-a-whirl powerslam gets two for Sheamus but Cesaro picks up the US Title for another distraction. Seth grabs a rollup for two and walks into another powerslam. Now Cesaro gets up on the apron, allowing Rollins to drive him into the buckle. The Curb Stomp gets the pin on Sheamus at 10:00.
Rating: C-. The Curb Stomp didn’t look good at the end but at least the win wasn’t clean. Sheamus vs. Cesaro is actually getting a build this time instead of just throwing it out there for a match. The problem is we’ve seen it so many times that it’s harder to care again. At least they’re getting a big stage for it.
Post match Cesaro does Sheamus’ pose and Neutralizes him.
We recap Henry and Rusev from last week.
Here are Lana and Rusev to make fun of the national anthem before having the Russian version played.
Video on NXT Takeover II.
Sami Zayn/Adrian Neville vs. Tyson Kidd/Tyler Breeze
Well this is a surprise. Sami snaps off some armdrags on Breeze to start before spinning him into an armbar. It’s off to Kidd for a chinlock before Breeze comes in with a series of forearms. A neckbreaker gets two on Sami and it’s back to Tyson for another chinlock. Sami jawbreaks his way to freedom and spins over for a hot tag to Neville.
The fans don’t seem to care that much but Neville’s rapid fire kicks wake them up a bit. A standing shooting star gets two and Kidd is sent to the floor for a big dive from Sami. Neville flips forward twice in a row and kicks Breeze in the head, setting up the Red Arrow for the pin on Breeze at 4:23.
Rating: C. Just a showcase match here to get people to watch on Thursday. No one really knew who these people were but the fans waking up for the offense from Neville is a good sign. I got to see Sami at a live event a few years back and he did the exact same thing. That’s the sign of talent and it was on display here.
Here’s Stephanie to talk about her history in this arena. She even fought her father in this building about ten years ago, but they’ve since made up. Now it’s time to bring the Bellas back together and there’s one man that could do just that. The fans chant for Jerry and here’s Springer himself. Springer recaps the Bella drama and brings out both girls for the big talk.
Brie blames Nikki for all the problems and uses the “died in the womb line” again, drawing the same dead silence it got the first time. Nikki talks about how tired she is of being a second class sister and brags about her show having such good ratings. Brie talks about how this started at Summerslam but Springer shows us a montage of them having very stupid arguments over petty things on Total Divas.
Nikki blames Brie for their dad leaving and we get quick videos from the parents saying they never knew Nikki was this unhappy. Brie tries to bring this back to wrestling stuff but drags it down again by saying she has their brother JJ in their corner. JJ is here of course (billed as JJ Garcia after Jerry called him JJ Bella) and has to come out to the Total Divas song. JJ tells Nikki to stop acting like a victim and the brawl is on. Nikki accidentally slaps JJ so Brie spears her down. The Bellas, Springer and Stephanie get in a big pileup as this just keeps going. Referees break it up and Springer is taken out on a stretcher.
Goldust/Stardust vs. Los Matadores
Stardust takes Primo into the corner to start but the masked man knocks him outside. The Dusts tease taking a walk and get caught with a big double dive. Back inside and Goldust throws Diego into the corner before tagging in Stardust for Dark Matter and the pin at 2:10.
The Usos jump the Dusts on the stage, sending the golden ones running.
We get a tribute to Joan Rivers.
Adam Rose vs. Titus O’Neil
The guys slug it out in the ring as the camera stays on the bunny. Titus throws Rose down but goes after the Bunny who wants to fight. Slater misses a dive and gets superkicked by the Bunny, allowing Rose to hit the Party Foul for the pin at 1:20.
The Bunny hits a Superfly Splash for good measure. Cole and JBL are STUNNED.
Roman Reigns has the antidote for the Viper and holds up his fist.
Video on Lesnar’s dominance of Cena.
Lesnar will be on Raw next week.
Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns
This actually gets big match intros. Reigns punches him to the floor to start but Randy sends him face first into the steps for two. A quick suplex gets the same for Roman and he runs Orton over with a clothesline. Orton bails back to the floor and we take a break. Back with Orton holding Reigns in a chinlock before taking it outside again. Reigns fights back and rams him back first into the apron and barricade.
They head to the apron with Randy sending him into the buckle and nailing a superplex for two. Back with Reigns fighting out of a chinlock and nailing a Samoan drop for two. He hits the ropes but charges into a powerslam to give Orton a near fall of his own. The Elevated DDT is countered into the Apron Boot and the jumping clothesline gets two. Orton comes back with the backbreaker for the same but charges into a boot.
Reigns dives into another powerslam for another two and the second attempt at the Elevated DDT connects. The RKO is countered though and Roman nails a Superman Punch out of nowhere. Reigns can’t cover though so Orton calls out Kane and Rollins who bring security with them for the DQ at 20:24.
Rating: B. Nice long main event here and I kind of like the non-finish for a change. Reigns has already beaten Orton clean so there’s no need to see him do it again. The opposite is true for Orton as he has no need to lose twice in a row to Reigns. Also this helps to set up Rollins vs. Reigns at Night of Champions, though I’m not sure what Orton does at the show.
The guards are actually tech guys who lower the cage and lock it into place. Reigns fights back though and cleans house, leaving him alone with Orton and a chair. Rollins pulls a Jericho and dives off the top of the cage to take out Reigns but he might have hit the chair as well. Kane gets back in and sends Roman into the cage a few times before planting him with a chokeslam. Orton gets the chair and destroys Reigns while shouting that it isn’t Roman’s day. Rollins puts Reigns’ head on the chair and says that he made Roman. A Curb Stomp onto the chair ends the show.
Overall Rating: C+. The show wasn’t great but this was a HUGE improvement over last week’s mess. First and foremost, they kept the Bellas to ONE segment instead of the five or so from last week. The Springer stuff was a waste of time but at least it was short. The main event felt big and the NXT guys were a nice treat. You couple that with a good cage match and the show was much easier to sit through. It wasn’t a great show or anything and cutting out an hour would have helped, but it’s good enough.
Results
Bray Wyatt b. Chris Jericho – Wyatt escaped the cage
Paige/AJ Lee b. Natalya/Rosa Mendes – Black Widow to Mendes
Seth Rollins b. Sheamus – Curb Stomp
Sami Zayn/Adrian Neville b. Tyler Breeze/Tyson Kidd – Red Arrow to Breeze
Goldust/Stardust b. Los Matadores – Dark Matter to Diego
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Monday Night Raw – August 25, 2014: John Cena Redux
Monday Night Raw
Date: August 25, 2014
Location: Honda Center, Anaheim, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler
We’re getting away from Summerslam now and the main story is Cena vs. Lesnar III has been announced for Night of Champions. Cena is back tonight and gets to address the situation for the first time on TV after Summerslam. We also have a Hall of Fame forum with people like Hogan, Flair and HBK talking about the upcoming match. Let’s get to it.
We’re opening with the Hall of Fame forum so here are Flair, Hogan and Shawn to get things going. Cole recaps the Summerslam match with Lesnar vs. Cena and asks Shawn first about the rematch. Shawn thinks Cena doesn’t have a chance and thinks it might be time for Cena to give it up. Hogan disagrees and thinks Cena can still go. Flair sides with Shawn and thinks Cena is the franchise, but doesn’t want to see John vs. Lesnar again.
Hogan says Hustle, Loyalty and Respect is the real Cena and hopes Cena wins. Flair agrees and Shawn says that they all like Cena but no one thinks he has a chance. Hogan brings up the match at Extreme Rules and says you can never rule Cena out, but Shawn says no one can take a beating like that. Flair doesn’t think Hogan believes that and here’s Cena for a rebuttal.
Cena says everyone in the WWE Universe thinks he has no chance and now a group of WWE Hall of Famers think the same thing. John talks about the respect he has for all three men in the ring with him, including saying there would be no Cena without Hulk Hogan. Cena was at Summerslam and felt every one of those suplexes. There is no way around this: Summerslam was a beating and a 100% beatdown. He addresses Shawn saying this can’t happen again and Cena says he won’t do it again. Instead he’ll take the fight to Lesnar and is ready for Night of Champions.
The first 100 hours of Nitro is coming to the Network next week. That would be about 1995/1996 or so.
Rusev vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger takes it right to him to start and grabs an early Patriot Lock, sending Rusev out to the floor. Back in and Swagger takes Rusev down before heading outside again. Rusev goes face first into the announcer’s table but he sends Swagger ribs first into the ropes back inside. We take a break and come back with Swagger fighting out of a bearhug but walking into a spinwheel kick. Swagger nails a belly to belly suplex to get a breather and follows up with a Vader Bomb. Rusev gets his foot up but gets caught in the Patriot Lock. He bites his hand to fight the pin but crawls over to the ropes.
Back to the floor with Rusev ramming him back first into the apron a few times. The Accolade is countered into the Patriot Lock again but Jack has to settle for a jackknife cover for two. The jumping kick to the ribs puts Swagger down and Rusev pounds away in the corner. Rusev shouts a lot but Swagger comes back with WE THE PEOPLE! The beating on the ropes continues and Swagger is in big trouble. The referee checks on swagger but Rusev keeps stomping. A hard standing kick to the chest drops Jack again and the referee stops it at 11:35.
Rating: C+. Well that happened. It’s basically the same thing we saw at Summerslam. The match was entertaining but they can’t have Rusev lose so Swagger continues to get beaten over and over. In theory we’re setting up Cena vs. Rusev as the ultimate American vs. foreigner showdown but we don’t need Swagger to lose over and over again to get there. It’s the same issue he’s had for months now: he loses over and over again despite getting close. Eventually you don’t buy the close matches and they’re just waiting for the ending.
After a break, Swagger is getting his ribs looked at when Bo Dallas comes in. He says Swagger let his country down again, but all he needs to do is Bo-lieve.
Cesaro vs. Rob Van Dam
The winner gets Sheamus (on commentary) for the US Title, presumably at Night of Champions. Good to see that Van Dam is fine after getting DDT on concrete on Smackdown. Rob spins around to start and superkicks Cesaro into Rolling Thunder for two. Cesaro comes back with a right hand in the corner and we hit the cravate on Rob for a bit. A kick to the face drops Cesaro and sets up the split legged moonsault for two. The springboard kick to the face looks to set up the Five Star but Cesaro rolls to the floor. Back in and Cesaro picks up Rob for the Neutralizer and the pin at 3:38. It’s as abrupt as it sounds.
Rating: D+. The ending really hurt this as Cesaro just got back into the ring, kicked Rob in the ribs and Neutralized him for the title shot. Also, I have some issues with Rob beating Cesaro clean at Summerslam but then losing a match here to give Cesaro a title shot that easily. Why not have this match at Summerslam? The time and ending dragged this down a lot.
Post match Cesaro picks up the US Title and throws it back at Sheamus after a few seconds.
Network hype.
Natalya vs. Paige
Non-title again. Natalya gets a quick rollup for two but Paige nails her with a clothesline. They trade abdominal stretches before Natalya hooks a release German suplex. There’s the Sharpshooter but Paige crawls over to the ropes. Paige can’t hook the PTO and Natalya tries another Sharpshooter, only to get kicked in the face. The Paige Turner is good for the pin at 2:56.
AJ comes skipping out for a distraction and Natalya nails a discus lariat. The fans don’t react because that’s a very heelish thing to do after she got beat. AJ gets in the ring and helps Paige up, saying she’s sincere. She hugs Paige, freaking the champion out a bit. Now it’s a handshake offer but AJ has to lean over to grab her hand. She even kisses Paige’s hand and skips around a bit before leaving.
Kane introduces Seth Rollins to deliver Dean Ambrose’s eulogy. Rollins says he was the leader of the Shield. On to Dean, fear was never a factor for him. We get a clip of the match from last week with the Curb Stomp onto the conveniently placed cinder blocks. Rollins is curious about what went through Dean’s head as it was going down onto those blocks. How did Ambrose feel when he knew he was outmatched?
The blocks were there on purpose but Rollins wants to know what would have happened if Ambrose had known his place. As far as Rollins is concerned, he doesn’t think we’ll be seeing Ambrose again. He says he created the Shield….so here’s Roman Reigns. Kane goes after him and is easily sent into the steps. Reigns goes after Rollins but Kane makes the save and bails.
We look at the Hall of Fame forum again.
Goldust and Stardust want the Tag Team Titles and get their shot tonight.
Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Goldust/Stardust
The Usos are defending and we get some big match intros. Stardust rolls Jimmy up for two to start but Jimmy does the same to him. It’s off to the arm work for a bit to give Stardust another two count. The champions are sent to the floor with the Dusts nailing big dives to take them down again. Back from a break with Jimmy fighting out of a chinlock from Stardust. Off to Goldust and both guys try cross bodies, setting up a double hot tag. Jey hammers on Stardust and knocks him out to the floor. A huge dive takes Stardust down but Jey hurts his knee and can’t get back in, drawing a countout at 7:40.
Rating: C-. This was starting to get good at the end but the countout stopped that cold. That’s two straight losses for the Usos against this team but they keep the titles against. That sounds like the start of a heel turn but it’s not how it’s coming off. Instead it’s more like they’re just kind of inept.
Post match Goldust says the Usos got counted out on purpose. They want to keep going and the Dusts turn evil by attacking the injured Uso. I’ve heard worse ideas.
Rollins is annoyed at Reigns so Kane uses the old standard handicap match.
We get a sitdown interview with Lesnar and Heyman. Brock says he came back to conquer the world and that’s what he did. He gave Cena an F5 right off the bat, allowing Cena to have the chance to quit. Instead Cena kept going and took a horrible beating. Heyman calls Cena challenging Brock to a rematch a horrible decision. Brock imitates Cena’s dad and talks about how he’ll have the chance to be a man….and then Brock Lesnar appeared. The idea of what’s coming to Cena at Night of Champions almost brings a tear to Brock’s eye.
Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz
Non-title. Miz comes out in street clothes and talks about not having to wait in line at Disneyland this morning. As for his match tonight, he’ll be stepping out for his stunt double.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Damien Mizdow
Sandow is of course dressed as Miz. An early dropkick gets two for Ziggler but Sandow, now in all black, comes back with a clothesline and dropkick to the knee. He puts on the Figure Four (on the proper leg) but Ziggler turns over pretty quickly. Back up and the Zig Zag is good for the pin at 2:25.
It’s time for the third big in ring segment of the night as Lawler is hosting a Bella Twins reconciliation. We get a clip of Nikki saying Brie has cost them all their success and the big slap. Nikki comes out first in a tight black dress and moves her chair across the ring. Here’s Brie as well, again in her Brie Mode shirt. Brie gets all serious and asks Nikki to forgive her because this is bigger than WWE or Total Divas. Nikki doesn’t buy it and says she knows the real Brie.
She accuses Brie of holding her back and is sick of the family treating Brie better. Nikki insults Brie’s hair and her save the Earth lifestyle. This brings Nikki to the troll faced husband and how sick she is of supporting a sister that never cared about her. Nikki says Brie stole all her boyfriends when they were younger and the fans are really not interested.
We FINALLY get to the point of this: Brie quit and left Nikki alone to get beaten up week after week because she cared about getting herself over more than her sister. Brie starts crying and Lawler tries to intervene so Nikki tells the old man to get out. She wishes Brie died in the womb and throws her out of the chair. The beating is on until Lawler breaks it up. Nikki slaps him off camera and the referees finally make the save.
Hall of Fame forum again.
Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins/Kane
Kane is knocked over the top almost immediately and Reigns goes after Seth. The monster gets back up and helps his partner to take over but Rollins is backdropped to the floor. Reigns hammers on Kane in the corner and nails the apron kick for good measure. The Superman Punch is countered but Reigns hits the spear, only to get nailed with the briefcase for the DQ at 2:40.
The beating continues post match and Kane has more cinder blocks ready at ringside. Reigns is able to fight out of it though and Superman Punches Rollins instead. Kane is sent “into” the post (clearly missing by a good six inches) and Roman picks up a cinder block. It hits the post instead of Rollins’ head but the Superman Punch lays out Kane. Rollins bails and looks terrified.
Bray Wyatt thinks Cena’s shell is cracked after his fight with Brock Lesnar. He’ll put Cena out of his misery tonight. It’s nicer on the other side.
Los Matadores vs. Heath Slater/Titus O’Neal
Before the match, Slater and Titus argue over which superhero they both are. Diego hits a quick spinning cross body for two on Slater, allowing Fernando to come in with a slingshot hilo for two more. Back up and a hurricanrana sends Slater down, setting up an armbar. Slater finally gets in a shot to the face and makes the taag off to Titus for some backbreakers. Heath reluctantly comes back in for a chinlock and a clothesline before tagging out. The makeshift team keeps hammering away until Diego grabs a crucifix for the pin on Slater out of nowhere at 4:00.
Rating: D. Another dull match here but it’s kind of nice to have a match instead of a long talking segment in the ring. Slater and O’Neil are fine for a thrown together tag team, though I wouldn’t mind them winning a match. Or a better name than Slater Gator. I’m also shocked that Los Matadores lasted this long.
Hall of Fame forum x4.
Kofi Kingston vs. Bo Dallas
Kofi fires off kicks and a rollup to start. Bo comes back with a running knee to the ribs but Kofi does his mounted punches in the corner. Dallas avoids a charge in the corner and hits the Bodog for the pin at 1:40.
Bo says his usual post match but Swagger comes in and slams him.
John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt
Bray just appears in the ring instead of doing an entrance. We don’t even get the lantern shot. Cena takes him right into the corner to start and nails him with a hard running clothesline. A German suplex puts Bray down again and Wyatt looks shocked. Another German suplex does the same and Bray is in trouble. John hammers on Bray in the corner and hits a hard running knee to the head as this is totally one sided. There’s another German suplex but Bray elbows out of a fourth. There’s a running splash in the corner but Cena takes him down and hammers away, drawing in Harper and Rowan for the DQ at 4:28.
Rating: D+. I get the idea here but I REALLY don’t like them doing this to Wyatt when he’s coming off a big win at Summerslam. I mean….do this to Rowan or Harper but leave Wyatt himself out of something like that. The match could have been worse and the story makes sense, but it should have been against someone who could absorb a loss like this. Del Rio would have been perfect had he not bailed.
Big Show and Mark Henry run out and I smell a six man after the break.
Big Show/Mark Henry/John Cena vs. Wyatt Family
Joined in progress after a break with Big Show dropping an elbow on Rowan. Henry comes in off the top for more big man offense but gets nailed by Harper. We hit the chinlock for a bit before it’s back to Wyatt for some big right hands. Rowan slams Henry in an impressive power display but charges into a boot in the corner.
The hot tag brings in Big Show to clean house, only to have Harper dropkick him down. Rowan comes in and kicks Big Show as well before it’s back to Wyatt for the backsplash and two. Another kick to the face gets two for Harper but Bray gets another tag and walks into a chokeslam. The tag brings in Cena for German suplexes all around and the STF to make Harper tap at 6:55.
Rating: D+. There were some nice moments here from Cena with the power displays, but this might as well have been Cena in a handicap match. I get the idea and I’m MUCH happier with Harper taking a fall that isn’t going to hurt him as opposed to Bray, who has potential in the future. Not much to see here though as Cena getting the win was obvious.
All three Wyatts get AA’s post match.
Overall Rating: C-. It’s very clear that WWE cannot handle doing a three hour show every week with the talent roster they have right now. Between the CONSTANT replays and rematches, it’s clear that they just don’t have the depth to pull this off. The matches were mostly short too and stretching them out would have helped a lot. I’m not asking for Thesz vs. Funk here, but take those three minute matches and make them six minutes. It takes away the need for so many recaps to fill in time and gives you a better show. This wasn’t the worst episode ever, but it felt like it was dragging itself to a conclusion.
Results
Rusev b. Jack Swagger via referee stoppage
Cesaro b. Rob Van Dam – Neutralizer
Paige b. Natalya – Paige Turner
Goldust/Stardust b. Usos via countout
Dolph Ziggler b. Damien Mizdow – Zig Zag
Roman Reigns b. Seth Rollins and Kane via DQ when Rollins hit Reigns with the briefcase
Los Matadores b. Heath Slater/Titus O’Neil – Crucifix to Slater
Bo Dallas b. Kofi Kingston – Bodog
John Cena b. Bray Wyatt via DQ when the Wyatt Family interfered
John Cena/Big Show/Mark Henry b. Wyatt Family – STF to Harper
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