Raw was a holiday show this week and it was a mess like it almost always is. However this week went further into the drek than it’s gone in a long time. I’m sure you’ve heard all of the problems already but I don’t think I accurately described how horrible it really was. Let’s get to it.

We started with the traditional long interview with a backdrop of the Highlight Reel. Jericho’s guest was supposed to be Randy Orton but he got every male member of the Authority instead. HHH talked about how he was considering changing Brock’s opponent for Night of Champions. Everyone suggested they should get the shot in Cena’s place.

This of course drew out Cena to say he’s going to be ready and he actually threatened a lawsuit if HHH changed things. We can file this in the category of STUPID IDEAS THAT WWE USES EVERY FREAKING MONTH AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND HOLY CUT IT OUT ALREADY! Anyway, Cena talks about how he’ll be COO and will fire HHH if he changes the match. HHH laughs this off and says he knows Cena has changed. Orton took the mic and insulted Reigns, which of course brought him down. The obvious six man was made as a way for HHH to determine who wants it the most.

We got a good midcard tag match with the champions Dolph Ziggler/Sheamus vs. their respective challengers in The Miz/Cesaro. The wrestling wasn’t bad but the ending was creative. Miz (who had a makeup lady and director’s chair) tagged in his stunt double Damien Mizdow to take the Zig Zag with him. Ziggler got caught up in the heat of the moment and got caught by the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin.

There’s an actual story here and it’s getting interesting for the most part. That’s a rare thing for the midcard scene and it’s very refreshing. Miz continues to nail this character. He won’t be World Champion but it’s a great midcard character for him to rebuild his career. I’ve always been a fan of the guy and it’s good to see him getting another chance like this.

Now we get to the part of the show that everyone hated. Well one of them at least. We got the first of the Growing Up Bella segments, which consisted of Nikki telling stories about how horrible Brie was growing up. These ranged from Brie stealing her prom date, costing Nikki her driver’s license and wrecking their car to Nikki taking Brie’s high school exams for her.

These were treated like the most dramatic moments in history and as you would expect, Nikki Bella ruined any drama they could have had. This is the problem with the whole Bella storys (among other things): the Bellas can’t act and the stories are so over the top that they can’t be taken seriously. I have no idea why I’m supposed to care about whatever nonsense they had like fifteen years ago or however long it was. I understand that this is to make people watch Total Divas, but for the love of all things good and holy, if this is what is popular on reality TV, I shudder at the future of the human race.

In case you didn’t get it the first time, we had a horrible eight Divas tag to promote the show even more. It lasted a minute and ended in a big brawl. Again, I understand that it’s cross promotion, but this is making the whole division look like an even bigger joke than it ever has, and that’s covering a lot of ground.

Mark Henry and Big Show beat the Wyatts via DQ when Rusev interfered. This is the third time these teams have fought in a few weeks and these matches are getting weaker every time. It’s not that they’re bad, but they’ve pretty much done everything they could to each other at this point so why would I want to see them fight even more?

Michael Sam was invited to Raw next week. Even though he hadn’t accepted yet and there was a very solid chance he could get signed to an NFL practice squad, WWE put him on a graphic saying next week. This screams of desperation and a way to make people care about them when Monday Night Football debuts next week. Instead of having good action, they’re resorting to gimmicks because they’ve wasted so much stuff over the last few months.

Oh and Sam signed with the Dallas Cowboys so he’s not going to be on Raw, making the whole thing a waste of time.

Recap of last week with Cena, Lesnar and Heyman’s promos.

Heyman talked about how hard Cena is working but insists it won’t matter. Short and sweet here.

Jack Swagger beat Curtis Axel in a short match with the Patriot Lock. After the match, Bo Dallas had three people talk about how Swagger ruined their lives by losing to Rusev. This was a hilarious bit and makes me like Dallas even more. Just like the tag match earlier, it’s nice to see the midcard getting some attention. Above all else though, they’re actually using some fresh stories instead of the same nonsense over and over.

Adam Rose beat Titus O’Neil in a nothing match that was more focused on Heath Slater vs. the bunny. Again, instead of doing something interesting or important, this is what we get on Raw.

Rusev squashed Ryder and got chased off by Mark Henry. More filler but at least it helped build a story and made sense given what happened earlier.

Stephanie brought out Nikki Bella and gave her a Divas Title shot. Brie came out and they did their usual schtick with Nikki ranting about Bryan leaving Brie one day and Nikki will be the Bella everyone is talking about. AJ Lee came out and talked about how she’s the #1 contender and how she’s getting the shot. Paige came out and said she’s the Divas Champion but Nikki and Brie took over the segment again with Nikki shouting that she’ll forgive Brie if she quits again and doesn’t come back. Brie shoved Nikki down and left, AJ picked up the title but handed it back to Stephanie, and Paige just kind of looked around.

Somehow that segment took the better part of fifteen minutes. Again, this is designed to make people care about Total Divas and give the show drama, but now it’s looking like it’s taking over the Divas Title as well. Everything Paige and AJ have done is being sacrificed for the sake of giving the producers of the most overly scripted reality show I’ve ever seen extra drama. We now get to listen to the Bellas talk about betrayal and all their drama and dear goodness is it going to be bad.

At the end of the day, the biggest problem is this leads to Nikki vs. Brie, likely in a major match. If I stretch, I might be able to think of three Bella matches that are worth watching. They’re just not good workers but it’s going to be a big focus of the shows going forward because we need more drama for Total Divas. The match is going to be a disaster because it’s going to be treated like the most important thing ever and the overacting is going to cripple it. It’s not exactly Once In A Lifetime or the Mega Powers Exploding and the build is horrible. But hey, the ratings for Total Divas might be up because there’s a huge crossover there right?

Jericho vs. Wyatt in a cage next week so Bray talked about a rat running from a snake.

Goldust beat Jimmy Uso in another nothing match. Goldust crushed Jey’s already injured knee after the match to cement the heel turn.

Big Show told Henry he’d have his back against Rusev but Henry wants to do it himself. This seems to set up Show’s latest heel turn.

The six man main event was fine and built on the story of Cena finally getting in and cleaning house. However, after he got the tag and destroyed everyone, Cena tagged out to Reigns for the spear and the pin. There really wasn’t much great here but the match was long and the first good wrestling we had all night.

Raw this week was a borderline disaster and a lot of it was due to the Bellas. I’ve said it a few dozen times now, but the Bellas are not good actresses and the story isn’t working. It’s just so overdone and overexposed and the rest of the company is suffering as a result. This is the same problem that TNA often has: if you don’t like this story, don’t bother watching the show because it’s what you’re getting. Raw was basically three stories: Cena vs. Authority, Henry vs. Rusev and the Bellas with the other stuff just being there to fill in time. That doesn’t make a good three hour show and it’s really causing a lot of problems week to week.

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The show is a hit.  Let the Did You Knows begin!

NXT
Date: April 10, 2013
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Brad Maddox

Things have changed a bit down in NXT now as Conor O’Brian has been vanquished by Big E. Langston, leaving us without a number one contender. On top of that we’ve still got Bo Dallas feuding with the Wyatt Family and Summer Rae feuding with Paige. Also if I remember correctly tonight is Regal vs. Ohno in the culmination of along simmering feud. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Ohno vs. Regal, which is based on Regal training Ohno and Ohno wanting to have a bigger legacy than Regal. It’s the classic teacher vs. student story and it still works to this day. Both guys have attacked the other at the announcers’ desk in the past two weeks.

Percy Watson/Axl Keegan/Scott Dawson vs. Shield

That’s quite an opener. Shield clears the ring before the bell and head to the floor to keep beating up their prey. We actually get a bell as Reigns is pounding on Dawson in the ring. Ambrose and Rollins both come in to beat on for dropkicks and it’s Dean stomping away on Dawson. Scott finally slides away to bring in Keegan, who is immediately put in a surfboard by Ambrose with Rollins dropping a top rope knee onto Axl’s chest. Reigns clears out the corner and Seth hits a standing Sliced Bread for the pin on Keegan at 2:17. Complete and total squash.

Dawson gets hit with the TripleBomb post match.

Shield talks about how awesome they are when Corey Graves pops up on screen. He says he doesn’t believe in the Shield because NXT is his own personal wasteland. Next week, he want any one of them one on one. Rollins says next week Ambrose and Reigns can take the night off because he’ll fight Graves on his own.

Summer Rae says she ran away last week because she left her curling iron on and didn’t want to burn the building down. If she hadn’t run back there, it would have been Paige’s career burning down instead of the building.

Emma says she’s like Lady Gaga and stops talking. She changes it to Madonna and the interviewer isn’t sure what to think. The fans think Emma is a klutz but Emma thinks those crazy kids with their Macarena are confused. She trips as she leaves.

Bellas vs. Funkadactyls

During the entrances we get one of the problems with NXT being taped: this is described as a Wrestlemania rematch because of what happened there. This is a problem because the match that it’s a rematch of didn’t happen at Wrestlemania due to time constraints. Naomi and Brie start things off with Naomi being sent into the corner. She comes out with a standing Stinkface and the Rear View, showing off the extent of her offensive skills.

Off to Cameron for a double legdrop but Nikki breaks up the cover. The Bellas choke away on Cameron in the corner and it’s off to a chinlock by Nikki. Cameron fights up and hits a quick neckbreaker to put both girls down. The hot tag brings in Naomi but the Bellas immediately take her down. The twins both wrap up one of Naomi’s legs like they’re setting up a Sharpshooter and roll her forward into a mat slam for the pin at 3:38.

Rating: D. Once again, the main roster shows why they have no business being in NXT. The match was nothing of note and the ending was very weak with Naomi getting the hot tag and being pinned fifteen seconds later. The NXT girls are so far ahead of these models who know how to do a few moves that it’s unreal.

Kassius Ohno is in the back in a William Regal REAL MAN’S MAN shirt, making him far more awesome than he ever has been before. Ohno talks about how he’s watched everything there is to watch about Regal, but after tonight, no one is going to hear Regal’s voice again.

In two weeks it’s a Night of Champions with four title matches.

We look at Wrestlemania week.

Regal is ready for Ohno.

Next week it’s Graves vs. Rollins in a lumberjack match.

Kassius Ohno vs. William Regal

They lock up to start with Regal shoving Ohno back. Brad’s stupid joke of the week is to call Dawson Jerry every few moments. Back to the lockup until Regal takes over with an armbar. Ohno is taken to the mat by the arm as Regal cranks away even more. Now it’s a hammerlock and after a drop toehold Ohno still can’t get back up. Regal lets him back up and Ohno grabs a wristlock, only to be easily sent into the corner and stomped down by the old villain.

A forearm puts Ohno down as this has been one sided so far. Ohno finally gets in a shot to the ribs to send Regal to the floor. A baseball slide puts Regal into the barricade and we take a break. Back with Kassius getting two off something we didn’t see and firing off some HARD kicks in the corner to Regal’s head. Now it’s a full nelson to stay on the neck and upper body of Regal. William uses a nice counter to escape and stomps on Kassius’ fingers for good measure. He bends them back around the ropes as momentum changes again.

Regal stays on the arm and hand and drives some knees into Ohno’s face. Ohno comes back with a hard kick to the head to take Regal down as the ear is hurt even more. Another kick crushes Regal’s head against the post but Ohno can’t hook his cravate hold. Kassius kicks Regal again for two but he still can’t hook the Kassius Clutch. Off to a quick chinlock instead but Regal rolls out and hits a quick exploder suplex. His balance is WAY off though so he can’t hook the Regal Stretch.

A belly to back suplex puts Regal on his head again for two more and Kassius is getting frustrated. William is getting all fired up and gets to his feet, only to have his head kicked off for two. Ohno loads up the rolling elbow but Regal nails him in the ribs to set up the Knee Trembler for the pin at 14:06 shown of 17:36.

Rating: B+. This was a match based on emotion and the injury to Regal which worked very well. The story of teacher vs. student is one that always works and it did the job again here. The good thing here is that Regal didn’t look dominant at all at the end, which keeps Ohno from looking weak. Really good and physical match here with a solid story throughout.

Overall Rating: B. Another solid show here as NXT does what it does best: make any feud feel like the biggest thing going on in the promotion at the time. Regal vs. Ohno was a well built feud with a classic story and the resulting match worked out very well. What more can you really ask for than that? Good show here and more compelling TV with a match set up for next week.

Results

Shield b. Axl Keegan/Scott Dawson/Percy Watson – Standing Sliced Bread to Keegan

The Bellas b. The Funkadactyls – Rolling mat slam to Naomi

William Regal b. Kassius Ohno – Knee Trembler

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I wouldn’t be surprised to see this get bumped to the pre-show as well.This is the big return of the Bellas in what is supposed to be part of the resurgence of the Divas division by giving the Funkadactyls a rub.  The problem with that theory is that no one is going to care about any Diva if they’re treated like schmucks like Kaitlyn.  As for the male counterparts…..eh.  Tons of Funk are a glorified comedy team with the dancing stuff but the kids like them a lot in the same vein of Rikishi and Too Cool back in the day.  The Scholars on the other hand are back together and still losing almost every time they’re out there.  I’m hoping the team is done for good after this so we can get them doing something worthwhile.  Given that the tag division reboot is dead, having them as singles guys is the only thing left for them.

As for the match, I think it goes to the dancing team, presumably with Naomi getting the win.  It’s clear that WWE sees them as the next big thing in the Divas division.  She got a spot in a PPV title match late last year and was showcased in the tag match on Monday.  She’s much better in the ring than Cameron, but Cameron is better in the looks department which tends to be the bigger deal anymore.  This isn’t going to be much of a match and it might get eight minutes at most.  I’d bet on the dancers to win though, if nothing else for the big dance party post match.