Time for the perfect combination of beauty and power: Beth Phoenix.

Phoenix got her start in 2001 and we’ll pick things up in 2004 at a WXW show. I don’t know where that is either.

Elite 8 Second Round: Beth Phoenix vs. Angel Williams

Angel is better known as Angelina Love. Phoenix comes in holding her neck so Williams grabs two quick rollups for a near fall each. We quickly hit a chinlock to work on Beth’s neck but Phoenix comes back with a gutwrench suplex. Angel slaps on a dragon sleeper but Tracy Brooks and a chick named Belladonna come out for a distraction, allowing Beth to grab a quick rollup for the pin.

Beth would sign with WWE and be sent to OVW, including this match on March 22, 2006.

Beth Phoenix vs. Trinity

If nothing else Trinity comes out to Sad But True by Metallica, making her even more awesome than usual. Trinity takes Beth down and hammers away with forearms, sending Phoenix running out to the floor. Back in and Beth tries a Whiplash but Trinity slips out, only to get speared down for two. An O’Connor Roll gets two for Trinity so Beth slaps her a lot. Trinity calmly grabs her for a Rock Bottom and Beth rolls to the floor. Trinity goes up for a dive but Beth moves, giving us a great looking crash. Beth smiles at Trinity probably having about nineteen broken bones and takes her back in for a super Whiplash and the pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here but I’ve always liked Trinity. That missed dive and the Whiplash (fireman’s carry into a sitout Death Valley Driver) looked awesome. Both girls were nailing it here but the time hurt them a lot. Trinity never did much in WWE but was kind of a deal in TNA a few years earlier.

It was off to WWE soona fter that with Beth getting an early title shot at No Mercy 2007.

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle

Candace is defending and looks like an idiot with the angel’s wings on her outfit. Beth throws her into the corner to start but Candice manages a nice bridging cradle for two. She goes for Beth’s arm but we get the Davey Boy Smith/Shawn Michaels move of the pullup from the ground. Powerslam gets two and it’s off to a chinlock.

Actually it’s a cobra clutch but it’s the same idea. Candice climbs the corner ala Bret vs. Austin for two but can’t break the hold. She finally rams Beth into the buckle to escape and a top rope cross body gets two, as does a sunset flip out of the corner. Beth grabs her into a fisherman’s buster which is enough for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. Candice was supposed to be the next big thing in the Divas division but this was her only title reign and not many people really remember her. Beth would become a much bigger deal with multiple title reigns, including the one that is going on now which will seemingly never end. This wasn’t bad.

Here’s a defense of that title at Armageddon 2007.

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix

Beth is champion here. Mickie tries to attack the knees but that doesn’t get her anywhere. Neither does a rana attempt. Beth puts on a dragon sleeper and then the double chickenwing which Beth escapes. Now the rana works and there’s a Thesz Press. Neckbreaker puts Beth down but she didn’t cover. And never mind as Beth hits a release fisherman’s suplex for the pin to retain.

Rating: D-. The match sucked but any time you have Beth in a shirt and Mickie in small amounts of clothing, the match simply isn’t a failure. The match was just a way to give the fans a breather before we get to the main event, which is all that’s left. Nothing of note here and Beth dominated the majority of the match.

Off to Wrestlemania XXIV.

Maria/Ashley vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina

This is a Playboy lumberjill match with Snoop Dogg as master of ceremonies in a golf cart. Snoop of course comes out with all of the lumberjills because that’s what Snoop would do. Ashley is her usual self and Maria looks great. Also, her theme song continues to be ridiculously catchy. Oh and Beth is Women’s Champion and has Santino with her. Melina has uh….wings.

Ashley tries to fight Beth and is immediately thrown around. Maria tries a double hip toss with Ashley which goes as well as you would expect two talentless models to be able to do. Melina is thrown to the floor and beaten up by the good Divas and takes a bad Bronco Buster from Maria. Ashley gets a running start to climb to the middle ropes to punch Melina as this mess continues. Melina takes over and catapults Ashley into a bearhug by Beth.

Melina hits a moonsault off of Beth’s shoulders for two before we get a stupid trip from Ashley. Off to Maria for some kicks as the lights go out. They finally get a spotlight on as this continues to fall apart. Maria tries to counter the Glam Slam into a bulldog but can’t even do that right. Melina breaks up the pin and we get heel miscommunication. Maria hits a kind of top rope bulldog but Santino breaks up the pin. Lawler punches out Santino but Beth hits a fisherman’s buster for the pin on Maria.

Rating: F+. That’s ALL for Maria looking great. I forgot this match was a lumberjill match after about a minute and the rest of the girls couldn’t even be seen after that long. Maria was TERRIBLE here and she was the better worker on her team. This didn’t work at all and was the disaster to end all disasters for Divas matches.

Here’s a lame match with an awesome visual at One Night Stand 2008.

Beth Phoenix vs. Melina

Recaps? Context? Point to the match? Who needs those stupid things? This is an I Quit match. We get a clip from Judgment Day of Beth hitting a double backbreaker on Melina and Mickie at the same time which is rather awesome. Dang it’s fun to watch Melina gyrate. Beth backs her into the ropes immediately to intimidate her so Melina grabs a guillotine choke of all things and Beth is in trouble early.

Beth easily counters out of it but it was working for awhile. Backbreaker gives Beth control and a bow and arrow has Melina in trouble. Something resembling a face jam/tornado DDT to Beth sets up an Indian Deathlock with a bridge which is always awesome looking. Beth crawls to the floor because ropes mean nothing. That looked pretty cool at least. Over the shoulder backbreaker has Melina in trouble as there is no flow to this match at all.

The fans want Chyna which should tell you how uninteresting this is. JR and King kind of shut up for a bit as Beth puts on a chinlock. Melina manages to send her into the middle buckle and Beth’s shoulder hits the post a bit later. Headscissors sets up an armbar, almost like La Mistica. Cross Armbreaker goes on as the crowd flat out does not care. Off to an arm choke but Beth is like screw that and hits a powerbomb to break it. Seated double chickenwing goes on and Melina looks like she’s about to cry. Beth then grabs the chin and pulls back to the point where Melina’s head is touching her own feet and that’s it.

Rating: D+. Another ridiculously boring match but at least Beth was hot. Seriously, other than that there was next to nothing going on here. Also, Divas don’t need ten minutes because it doesn’t take that long to go buy a Coke. Pretty weak match overall and nothing special in the slightest.

Beth would start dating Santino Marella, setting up this double title match at Summerslam 2008.

Intercontinental Title/Women’s Title: Glamarella vs. Mickie James/Kofi Kingston

Mickie and Kofi have both belts coming in but the winning team walks out with all the gold. Kofi is still relatively new here and has only won the IC Title once, as opposed to his 89 or so reigns now. The girls get things going with Beth easily overpowering James. Mickie comes back with some quick dropkicks for two before it’s off to Santino. James easily monkey flips him over before it’s off to Kofi for some of his usual stuff. The jumping punches in the corner have Santino on the floor where Beth yells at him.

Kingston loads up a charge but hangs on, only to send Santino jumping into Beth’s arms. Kofi pulls him back in but gets his neck snapped across the top rope for one. Beth beats on Kofi for a bit before bringing Santino back in for his basic offense. A suplex sets up a chinlock but Kofi fights up and butts heads with Santino, allowing for the double tags to the girls. Mickie cleans house and clotheslines Beth down before snapping off her hurricanrana on Beth. Kofi comes in and misses a charge like an idiot but the MickieDT puts Santino down. Beth decks Mickie and hits the Glam Slam for both titles.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing special and could have been on any given Raw. I don’t know of a better way they could have gotten the title on Santino though so you can’t fault the for trying. Kofi would begin his long float in the midcard which would last for the next several years other than a cup of coffee in the upper midcard. The girls looked good here but that’s about it.

Back to one of her original rivals at No Mercy 2008.

Women’s Title: Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix

Beth is defending in the rematch from last year. Candice immediately kicks the knee out for two. A dropkick to the head of Beth as she’s getting up gets the same. An enziguri slows Phoenix down as Candice is starting off fast. A charge is caught and Beth rams her into the buckle to stop that cold.

Beth hooks a modified cross armbreaker which lasts for a few moments. Candice comes back with some of the weakest clotheslines I can ever remember. Her arms are TINY which is what makes them so weak. Beth puts her down and goes up top, only to get crotched and dropkicked for two. Santino had to make the save so Candice dropkicks him through the ropes. Back inside the glam Slam quickly ends this.

Rating: D+. Candice slowly fell down a mountain after she lost the title a year before this. Like I said her offense was mostly dropkicks and not very good ones at that. On top of that there were the clotheslines which were embarrassing. The Divas took a nosedive around this point as the good chicks were just not there with the talent other than one in a handful. Also there were two titles by this point which didn’t help anything at all.

Here’s Beth against a chick she fought about a million times, from Raw on January 19, 2009.

Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly

Beth is Women’s Champion but this is non-title. This was before Kelly got good. Let that sink in for a minute. Kelly is in a Blackhawks jersey and tries to speed things up, only to get run over. Glam Slam and we’re done in about a minute.

We’ll jump ahead a bit to Bragging Rights 2009.

Michelle McCool/Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. Melina/Kelly Kelly/Gail Kim

Beth in blue is an amazing sight. This was when Michelle got really hot really fast. Look at the rosters. Who do you think is going to win? Beth and Gail start. Can’t believe I’m typing this but DANG at Michelle. All three Smackdown girls have been in there in less than a minute. Kelly tries a sunset flip. It’s bad. This is just painfully uninteresting as there is less than zero chance for Raw to win two in a row. I mean the match is ok, but people just couldn’t care any less as there is zero drama. Crowd is more or less dead too. Glam Slam ends Melina for the pin.

Rating: W. As in who cares? Like I said, the idea that THIS was going to decide the cup and not the big tag was just ridiculous and it crippled the match. Also the match was just generic as all goodness. This could have been any other Divas match which really shows how bland the division is at this point.

Beth had a chance to get the title back at Extreme Rules 2010.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Michelle McCool

This is an Extreme Makeover match. Michelle looks great of course. The music helps a lot here for her I think. There’s a table of makeup etc at ringside. Beth gets a semi-pop. Can someone shut Beth up? Please? Michelle is possibly the best women’s athlete ever? Really? That’s just pitiful. Basically we’re just making fun of Vickie and using random weapons like hairspray and ironing boards. Beth counters the hairspray again and it’s one on one now. Vickie has a broom. Make your own jokes. Glam Slam ends it like it should have.

Rating: D. And that’s mainly due to Beth’s awesome cleavage in this one. This was a comedy match to put it nicely and it didn’t come off well to put it nicely. The girls looked hot, but having them use things like makeup and ironing boards? Really? The division was just such a mess at this point and this didn’t help things.

A torn ACL kept Beth out of action for months but she was back in time for TLC 2010 and this tag team tables match.

Beth Phoenix/Natalya vs. Laycool

Quick recap video which is of the table on Friday which didn’t work. No tagging here thank goodness. The pink table with the painting from Friday is brought in as Laycool is down early. Crowd is QUIET here. Lawler says he’s never seen a Diva go through a table. That’s just amusing. Double fireman’s carry by Beth is very impressive. Striker makes an important point: any method of going through the table counts. Also it’s only one Diva required for a win.

Laycool in control now as the fans do not care at all. Beth is on the floor now as Laycool takes over. SICK landing by Beth as her foot gets hooked on a rope and she lands straight on her back/head. That was painful as all goodness, it had to be. Michelle sets for a Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) through a table on Nattie but Beth comes back for the save.

Not table for Michelle (“JUST WAIT UNTIL MARK HEARS ABOUT THIS!!!”) as Layla rakes Beth’s eyes. Layla beats on Beth for awhile but can’t suplex her through it. Double gorilla press by the blondes to Layla until Michelle kicks both in the ribs. Natalya puts Layla on top of Michelle and puts them BOTH in a Sharpshooter at the same time. TAKE THAT BRET!!!

The nice chicks set up the tables but Michelle sends Beth to the floor to make it 2-1 again. They set for a double superplex but Beth saves again. A lot of near finishes in this one indeed. Down goes Beth so they set for it again but they’re shoved off. The table DID NOT BREAK so Natalya is like screw it and splashes them through it to end this.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t as bad as you would have thought as Laycool fought them off far better than people would have predicted. It was a good match even but did anyone ever think Laycool had a realistic shot out there? Not a bad match or anything but at the same time it didn’t really get me into the match and it kind of dragged. Still fun though and that Sharpshooter was GREAT.

Time for another title run. From Hell in a Cell 2011.

Divas Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly

Kelly runs at her and hits what are supposed to be Thesz Presses (popular move tonight) and the screaming headscissors which is countered into a backbreaker. Beth takes over and chokes her down with what looks like a dragon sleeper. Off to another backbreaker but this time she bends Kelly over her knee but Kelly counters into a rollup for two. Slingshot suplex gets two for Beth.

Kelly starts her comeback and uses generic offense and a neckbreaker for two. She tries the bad bulldog but Beth counters into a Glam Slam attempt. Beth pounds away in the corner but Kelly fights out and hits the handspring elbow. Cole calls it vintage and Great Muta rolls his eyes somewhere. Top rope bulldog by Kelly gets a very close two. Eve and Nattie get into it on the floor and Eve goes flying into the barricade.

K2 is countered and Beth kicks Kelly between the legs for some reason. Beth hooks up that freaky submission that Natalya has been using lately and Nattie gets on the mic and tells Kelly to scream. Kelly makes the ropes and Natalya pops her with the mic which somehow the referee didn’t hear. Glam Slam FINALLY ends Kelly’s reign at 8:34. Yes they’re that long on time.

Rating: C. This was way too long and I can’t get over the ending: Beth Phoenix needed a mic shot to beat Kelly Kelly? I don’t get that at all as they’ve made Beth look weak already with two straight losses but at least she finally has the belt. I’d assume this sets up Eve vs. Kelly as they fill in as much time as they can for the Kharma return in like another 7 months or however long it is.

Another defense at Vengeance 2011.

Divas Title: Eve Torres vs. Beth Phoenix

We get a clip from earlier in the day with the evil girls attacking Kelly as Eve makes the save. I guess Kelly is Crazy is going into the pool of the forgotten right? Eve has new music too and it sounds awful. At least we can look at her awesome legs. Kelly and Natalya are banned from ringside. Eve grabs a sunset flip to start and we’re talking about Beth’s underwear for some reason.

They fight over to the ropes…and Beth is now handcuffed to the ropes via something on her own outfit. Eve kicks away and Beth is free. Uh, point to that? Beth takes over on the floor and gets two back in the ring. The fans are bored out of their minds here which is saying a lot as they were hot for the first half hour.

Gutbuster kind of move gets two and we’re off to our second rest hold in a minute. Beth slaps her head and screams at her to cry. Eve starts her comeback and puts Beth down with a clothesline and a flipping splash for two. Eve gets some kind of choke out while she on Beth’s shoulders and it turns into something resembling a triangle choke. The cool looking submission doesn’t work though because that might get it over as a finisher and Eve has one of those already. Glam Slam is countered into a rollup for two. Eve gets a kick in and goes up for the moonsault but Beth moves. Glam Slam ends this at 7:16.

Rating: D+. I’ve watched a lot of wrestling in my time and I don’t recall a division or story that I was less interested in than the Divas in WWE at the moment. I mean there is nothing of interest or note at all about them. They kill the crowds other than Kelly and the matches are as unnatural looking as any I’ve ever seen. I mean there is nothing interesting to them at all and I dread watching them every show. The match wasn’t bad. I just didn’t want to watch it.

Another defense from Elimination Chamber 2012.

Divas Title: Tamina Snuka vs. Beth Phoenix

Beth is wearing something inspired by Piper. This match could be subtitled “How many times can we remind you that Tamina is Jimmy Snuka’s daughter in a last ditch effort to make you care about her”. Tamina goes up quickly but gets knocked down to the outside. Beth pounds on her and Tamina barely gets back inside. Tamina gets up and hits a Samoan Drop but the Splash is broken up. Superplex gets two for Beth and Tamina chops her down. Superfly Splash gets two. Tamina goes up again but Beth brings her down, sends her into the buckle and the Glam Slam retains the title at 7:00.

Rating: D+. Call me sexist, call me a chauvinist, call me whatever you want, but I’m bored out of my mind every time the Divas are on screen. They’re waiting on Beth vs. Kharma which basically means they’re spending a year putting the whole division on hold, but at the end of the day is anyone going to care? I mean, who is Kharma going to feud with once she beats Beth? The division means nothing and it’s so uninteresting. The US Title can’t get on PPV because we have to see this. Right.

We’ll wrap up Beth’s WWE run on Raw, October 29, 2012.

AJ vs. Beth Phoenix

Beth glares at AJ to start and says AJ should be scared. Beth shoves her and AJ goes nuts, but Beth slams her down onto the mat. AJ gets her face rubbed into the mat and we head to the floor. AJ gets rammed into the barricade but back inside she grabs a rollup for the pin at 2:08.

Vickie comes out post match and demands more from AJ. Beth jumps her so Vickie says restart the match. Glam Slam gets the pin in like ten seconds.

That would be Beth’s last match as she retired soon after due to some personal issues. Beth was a good choice for the dominant Diva as she was big, strong, and talented but still very good looking as opposed to the usual freakish looking monsters. Unfortunately she didn’t have much talent around her and it showed with a lot of bad matches. Still though, she did her thing quite well.

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Today we’re going to look at a Diva who got good, married a legend, then got great. Today is Michelle McCool.

Michelle got her start through the 2004 Diva Search. After a bit in developmental, McCool would be on Smackdown, including this match on June 30, 2005. This is Melina’s debut.

Melina vs. Michelle McCool

Melina is doing the A-List gimmick and talked about all the celebrities coming to see her first match. There were even paparazzi waiting for her as she made her entrance. Michelle isn’t much yet other than a hot blonde in barely there shorts. Melina is sent to the floor and kicked through the ropes but Michelle drags her back inside.

A rollup gets two for Michelle and a kick to the face gets the same. Melina begs off and offers a handshake and the tall blonde actually goes for it. She earns that right hand to the face and Melina chokes away for awhile. An awkward looking kick to the face puts Michelle down as her shorts don’t want to stay down. Melina powerbombs Michelle out of the corner and rolls her up with feet on the ropes for the pin. Too short to rate but the outfits were better than the match.

We’ll jump ahead to the next year to Smackdown on October 6, 2006. Michelle is now a sexy teacher with a team of KC James and Idol “Damien Sandow” Stevens.

Michelle McCool vs. Ashley

McCool stomps away at the ribs to start and takes Ashley into the corner for a hair drag. Ashley comes back with some forearms to the spine and a Boston crab but James comes out to drag Michelle to the ropes. They trade forearms until McCool rolls through a cross body and grabs the skirt for the pin. Ashley looked TERRIBLE here.

Another one off match from Smackdown, I believe on May 10, 2007.

Michelle McCool vs. Jillian Hall

Jillian takes her into the corner to start and cartwheels into an elbow drop. A chinlock doesn’t get Hall anywhere and Michelle rolls her up for two. Michelle flips into a jackknife cover for two before a belly to belly gets the same. After all that, a backbreaker of all things is enough to give Michelle the pin.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad but you can see Michelle getting better out there. She still isn’t what you would call good yet but she didn’t embarrass herself out there and actually looked like she could wrestle longer than a few minutes. The belly to belly and backbreaker weren’t bad and both were a nice change of pace from the usual Diva offense.

Off to Survivor Series 2007 for the big Divas mess.

Mickie James/Maria/Torrie Wilson/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Layla

One fall to a finish here and Beth is Women’s Champion. The Divas Title doesn’t exist yet which is how things should have stayed. Layla is WAY hotter being evil and Melina has some gorgeous hair. She also falls off the apron during her splits entrance which is worth a chuckle. The second attempt works and thankfully she’s smiling after screwing it up. Mickie and Maria are ridiculously good looking as well.

Victoria and Michelle start things off with Michelle taking over with a headlock. A big boot puts Victoria (Tara in TNA if you’re new at this) down and it’s off to Torrie who can’t wrestle a watchable match to save her life. Victoria kills her mostly dead with a side slam and it’s off to Layla who is so bad here that she can’t even beat up torrie. Kelly and Jillian come in and Jillian tries to scream a bit, only to get rolled up for two. Maria comes in, basically wearing a bikini.

Thankfully Beth comes in to flatten Maria before handing it right back to Layla. Actually make that Melina, who misses a charge at Maria and crotches herself, allowing for the hot tag to Mickie. James beats up everyone in sight, has her partners take out Beth, and hits the Long Kiss Goodnight on Melina for the pin. What’s the Long Kiss Goodnight you ask? That would be every 13 year old’s dream: Mickie literally bends Melina back and kisses her before kicking her in the head for the pin.

Rating: D. Yes, the match sucked. Yes, most of the women in this are horrible wrestlers. Yes, if you’re complaining about these things, you’re missing the point. This was pure fan service as you had ten girls in either tight or barely there outfits and one hot woman kissing another hot woman before kicking her in the head. If you’re looking for a wrestling match here, you’re in the wrong place.

Here’s a title match from Great American Bash 2008.

Divas Title: Michelle McCool vs. Natalya

This is for the inaugural title and there’s probably some stupid tournament that set this up. Michelle takes her to the mat and speeds things up. Natalya takes over and hooks a surfboard but Michelle counters (impressively so) into a heel hook attempt which is countered. Nattie hooks the Sharpshooter but Michelle gets the ropes. A second attempt is countered into the heel hook and Michelle wins the title.

Rating: D. The joke here was that hopefully Michelle enjoyed the Undertaker semen that came with that belt. I’m not sure how much anyone cared or if anyone on the planet that didn’t work for WWE thinks there was a need for another female title, but they unified it…eventually, as in like two years later.

And another from Unforgiven 2008.

Divas Title: Maryse vs. Michelle McCool

Michelle is champion. Michelle as a face just never worked. She’s such a natural villain and her pumping her fist doesn’t work at all. She hurts her knee going to the floor and Maryse works on it as we’re waiting for the people to get back from popcorn time to end this. Michelle works on Maryse’s leg in a heel hook but she gets a rope. The fans are all over this match already. A sitout gordbuster keeps the title on McCool.

Rating: D-. Michelle and Maryse are too hot to be a failure but the match was terrible. NO ONE cared and that was very clear. Nothing to see here and we’re moving on. Why this got almost six minutes was crazy but I’d assume that it was due to a long line at the Cena shirt booths. Horrible match.

Michelle would get another shot at the title at The Bash.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Melina vs. Michelle McCool

Melina was just freaking stunning at this point once she dyed her hair black. Michelle was getting there too and she has Alicia with her here for reasons that I’m sure don’t mean anything. For some reason I like Michelle’s music. Melina comes out hot. And she’s being intense too. Michelle can actually work pretty well.

She hooks a hold where Melina’s foot is touching Melina’s head from behind. DANG that girl is flexible. Ok five minutes have passed but I’m back now. Melina’s knee is hurt of course as it always is. Michelle kicks her head off for two. That sounded painful as all goodness. Styles Clash gives Michelle the title.

Rating: C-. It did its job. This was just supposed to be an appetizer to the remainder of the show and that’s what it did. And I think that’s enough padding to say that the girls looked great here and that was the whole point to this. I’m glad they kept this quick because neither girl was able to carry the other.

Michelle was on the Smackdown team at Bragging Rights 2009.

Michelle McCool/Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. Melina/Kelly Kelly/Gail Kim

Beth in blue is an amazing sight. This was when Michelle got really hot really fast. Look at the rosters. Who do you think is going to win? Beth and Gail start. Can’t believe I’m typing this but DANG at Michelle. All three Smackdown girls have been in there in less than a minute. Kelly tries a sunset flip. It’s bad. This is just painfully uninteresting as there is less than zero chance for Raw to win two in a row. I mean the match is ok, but people just couldn’t care any less as there is zero drama. Crowd is more or less dead too. Glam Slam ends Melina for the pin.

Rating: W. As in who cares? Like I said, the idea that THIS was going to decide the cup and not the big tag was just ridiculous and it crippled the match. Also the match was just generic. This could have been any other Divas match which really shows how bland the division is at this point.

We’ll jump ahead to Night of Champions 2010 for a title unification match against Melina.

Women’s Titles: Michelle McCool vs. Melina

Michelle in red: DANG. Nice back shot of her as the bell rings. Layla is ticked at her for being in there as we hear about the history of the Women’s Title, which is of course mostly nonsense but whatever. Crowd is DEAD. Yes, a Chicago crowd is dead. Michelle sends her to the floor but no one sends her back in. NICE Blockbuster from Orton’s elevated DDT position by Michelle. I love the Blockbuster (jumping front flip neckbreaker) so that was sweet for me.

Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) is blocked and Melina takes over. Decent belly to belly suplex for two by the blonde. Kelly gets up on the apron marking the first time they do anything all night as Melina has her rolled up. Kelly is for Melina here but just doesn’t get it I guess. The girls all beat up Michelle and send her back in. They need to stop slapping the mat as I think it’s a referee count.

Melina does the Matrix Move but Michelle just kicks her. Again: kicking and punching people works best a lot of the time. Both girls hit the floor as the girls yell at Michelle, showing off their acting…..talent. Layla interferes and Michelle gets to hit a, wait for it, wait for it, BIG BOOT TO UNIFY THE BELTS.

Rating: C-. Surprisingly decent match here although the girls were absolutely pointless out there. Layla interfering is fine as it’s expected, but what about the heat between them allegedly? This wasn’t much but at least it gets rid of the stupid Divas Title, or at least I hope so. Better than most Divas matches though so I’ll give it that.

Another Divas Title match at Hell in a Cell 2010.

Divas Title: Michelle McCool vs. Natalya

Michelle looks good in her gold shorts if nothing else. Striker tries to claim Michelle is the best in ring working woman ever. I’m not even going to make a joke about that because it’s not fair to make fun of people that stupid. Michelle dominates for a bit with leg based offence but Natalya takes over with power stuff. This is rather boring if you couldn’t tell. Michelle accidently drills Layla and Natalya gets a rollup for two. Sharpshooter goes on, is countered into a heel hook and is countered again. Then Layla throws in her shoe for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Yeah I don’t care either. The division was such a disaster at this point but unifying the titles was the smartest move all around. There just wasn’t a valid reason to have both belts around, especially when the talent pool was very deep. It would get better, but as usual it wasn’t going to last.

Michelle would be in a battle royal on Raw, December 13, 2010.

Battle Royal

Laycool, Kelly, Maryse, Eve, Bella Twins, Rose, Melina, Alicia, Kaitlyn, Beth, Tamina, Natalya

I think that’s everyone but I’m not sure. Everyone surrounds Laycool and to their credit they’re like BRING IT ON. Tamina chills in the corner for a bit but puts out Kaitlyn. You can go through the ropes here. Rosa is out second. She has never won a match on the main roster. Tamina is out.

A Bella is out as they’re flying out of here insanely fast. The other Bella goes out with ease as Laycool is dominating. Maryse is gone. There’s no particular rhyme or reason here as you would expect in a battle royal. Michelle, looking GREAT in those red shorts, puts out Kelly who looks GREAT in those white shorts. Beth Glam Slams Melina out.

Down to Laycool, Beth, Natalya, Gail and Alicia. Beth kicks Layla out and she FREAKS. She distracts the Glamazon long enough to let Michelle put out Beth. Natalya puts out Alicia and Gail and walks into a big kick from Michelle who wins this at approximately 3:30.

Rating: C. This is hard to grade as battle royals aren’t something that there are standards for. This was fine for what it was and one of the girls that should have won it got the award so I can’t complain. Also you have hot women so how much can you really complain? Good stuff.

Time for a gimmick match at TLC 2010.

Beth Phoenix/Natalya vs. Laycool

Tables match. Quick recap video which is of the table on Friday which didn’t work. No tagging here thank goodness. The pink table with the painting from Friday is brought in as Laycool is down early. Crowd is QUIET here. Lawler says he’s never seen a Diva go through a table. That’s just amusing. Double fireman’s carry by Beth is very impressive. Striker makes an important point: any method of going through the table counts. Also it’s only one Diva required for a win.

Laycool in control now as the fans do not care at all. Beth is on the floor now as Laycool takes over. SICK landing by Beth as her foot gets hooked on a rope and she lands straight on her back/head. That was painful as heck, it had to be. Michelle sets for a Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) through a table on Nattie but Beth comes back for the save.

Not table for Michelle (“JUST WAIT UNTIL MARK HEARS ABOUT THIS!!!”) as Layla rakes Beth’s eyes. Layla beats on Beth for awhile but can’t suplex her through it. Double gorilla press by the blondes to Layla until Michelle kicks both in the ribs. Beth may have fallen out for a bit. HOKEY SMOKE!!! Natalya puts Layla on top of Michelle and puts them BOTH in a Sharpshooter at the same time. TAKE THAT BRET!!!

The nice chicks set up the tables but Michelle sends Beth to the floor to make it 2-1 again. They set for a double superplex but Beth saves again. A lot of near finishes in this one indeed. Down goes Beth so they set for it again but they’re shoved off. The table DID NOT BREAK so Natalya is like screw it and splashes them through it to end this.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t as bad as you would have thought as Laycool fought them off far better than people would have predicted. It was a good match even but did anyone ever think Laycool had a realistic shot out there? Not a bad match or anything but at the same time it didn’t really get me into the match and it kind of dragged. Still fun though and that Sharpshooter was GREAT.

At the start of 2011, Laycool was still hanging out with Vickie Guerrero, who was with Dolph Ziggler. Vickie wanted Dolph to become World Heavyweight Champion, so she made this match on Smackdown, February 4, 2011.

Smackdown World Title: Kelly Kelly/Edge vs. Laycool/Dolph Ziggler

We even get big match intros for this. Chimmel has cut down on the throat cracking during Edge’s intro. The genders have to match here. Vickie says if there’s a spear the title is vacated. The guys start us off with Edge in control. He wants the spear and Vickie shouts at him to do it. Ziggler tags both members of Laycool so we get Michelle. Off to Kelly to make it Kelly Kelly vs. Michelle McCool for the World Heavyweight Championship as we take a break.

Kelly is all fired up here and beats up both members of Laycool with her gymnastics. Instead though Michelle catches a rana on the floor and spins Kelly into the barricade. That gets two back in the ring. Dolph: “Stay down Barbie!” Layla in now as Kelly is in trouble. Belly to belly by Michelle gets two. Kelly backflips out of a suplex and slaps the heck out of McCool to put both girls down.

Is there a reason why the initials on Dolph’s tights are backwards? Layla gets a head scissors choke on Kelly for a bit. Kelly fights back and it’s an X-Factor to break the momentum. The referee misses the tag to Edge allows Layla to beat on Kelly a bit more. Edge goes after Ziggler anyway but Michelle misses a big kick to Layla. Edge is ready for the tag but instead Kelly spears Layla to retain the world title at 6:50 shown of 10:20.

Rating: C. Decent main event here with a nice ending. Vickie said Edge couldn’t use a spear, not Kelly. It’s kind of cheap but it worked just fine for the ending to a TV main event. I’d have liked more Edge though as he was in there maybe a minute. I guess that was the point though as it made the title seem to be in jeopardy. This was just ok though as it was really Kelly vs. Laycool for the most part. Still though, creative way to have Edge be in trouble.

Here’s one of Laycool’s final matches together as the problems are mounting up. From Wrestlemania XXVII.

John Morrison/Snooki/Trish Stratus vs. Laycool/Dolph Ziggler

Barely any story here as it’s just there to give us Snooki, which is supposed to mean something. Vickie is with Laycool here because she’s already screwing Dolph at this point. Trish is STUNNING as a brunette here too. Laycool attacks to start and the guys get involved as well. Michelle shoves Layla to start so Trish comes in and beats Michelle up. The Matrish is broken up with a stomp but Trish escapes the Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) with a facebuster.

Michelle and Stratus slug it out on the top before falling to the floor at the same time. Layla tries to interfere and gets decked as well, only to have Trish dive off the apron and take both of them out. The Chick Kick gets two on Michelle as the guys come in sans tags. Starship Pain to the floor takes Ziggy out and there’s the tag to Snooki for a handspring elbow to Michelle. That and a splash are good for the pin.

Rating: D+. Trish and Laycool looked hot, Snooki did her two moves decently enough, the guys did almost nothing at all and Vickie was kept to a minimum in the less than three and a half minutes this ran. For a match that short with Trish looking that good, how much can you really complain here? Laycool would be split in a month with Michelle leaving the company.

We’ll wrap it up with Michelle’s last match in WWE, from Extreme Rules 2011.

Michelle McCool vs. Layla

More or less a street fight here and the loser leaves WWE. Michelle wisely jumps Layla during her lay on the rope entrance. Out to the floor as this is another intense brawl. A shot into the table gets two for Michelle. Big boot misses and here comes Layla. Belly to belly gets two for Michelle as we hit the floor again.

They fight on the barrier of all things with Michelle taking over. DIAMOND DUST gets two for Layla as they come back in. Faithbreaker is countered into the Layout for two. Michelle counters a jackknife cover into a Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) but can’t cover immediately. Layla counters the cover into a rollup/crucifix pin to get rid of Michelle.

Rating: C+. I liked this again. The Divas can do pretty well if they’re given the proper amount of time. Layla winning here is probably due to Michelle leaving soon if not tonight apparently which is fine. Definitely one of the better matches with the females in awhile as this worked fine. Layle is getting a lot better every time she gets in there, which is definitely a good sign.

Layla cries as she leaves.

Michelle gets the goodbye song treatment but Kharma (Awesome Kong) debuts. Implant Buster kills Michelle dead with ease. All of the Divas are freaked out. Beth is made to look the most prominent here.

Michelle McCool is a woman with a very simple formula: tall, blonde, good looking, small outfits, passable in the ring. She gets a lot of the HHH treatment as people say it’s just because of her spouse but Michelle was good long before then. The Laycool team was a perfect fit for her and I had fun watching her. She and Layla carried the Divas division for a long time and they made it work better than anyone in the years around their time.

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Time for the best looking Hart. Today is Natalya.

Neidhart got her stars in the early 2000s and wrestled in the indies and Japan. I’m not sure when this is from but it seems to be from before Natalya was in developmental. From Japan.

Amazing Kong vs. Nattie Neidhart

Nattie bounces off of her twice in a row before the third attempt puts Nattie down. She starts thinking though and dropkicks Kong’s knee. The effect is limited so Nattie kicks away, only to have Kong run her over with ease. They head outside and into the crowd with Nattie literally begging Kong for mercy. Kong suplexes her on a platform before taking her back to the ring for a lifting Pedigree.

She misses a middle rope splash though and Nattie takes her down with a Fameasser for no count. A spinning backfist gets one on Nattie but she comes back with a release German for a close two. Kong actually gets powerslammed for two more and a hurricanrana gets the same for Nattie. The Amazing one shrugs it off and hits a wicked sitout powerbomb and a hard clothesline for the pin.

Rating: C-. Natalya was just outmatched here and the power was too much for her to overcome. This was a really physical match though with both girls beating the tar out of each other for a few minutes. That being said, the brawling part out in the crowd felt really out of place and brought things down a bit.

Natalya would head to WWE in the latter half of the decade, debuting on Smackdown on April 25, 2008.

Natalya vs. Cherry

Cherry is a chick from the 50s and has Michelle McCool in her corner to oppose Natalya’s second, Victoria. Cherry looks scared to death to start. Natalya easily takes her down and puts on a chinlock with Cherry in big trouble. Some slaps in the corner tick Cherry off so she slaps Natalya right back, only to have the Canadian go after the knee to take over again. Natalya cranks on the leg (Cole: “Apparently it’s a submission hold!”) but Cherry makes a rope. Cherry comes back with a bulldog for two but gets slammed out of the corner. The Sharpshooter gets the easy submission from Cherry.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here as Cherry wasn’t exactly a great worker. Natalya looked like a killer though and that’s the right idea for a debut match. She would get better when she was in there with some better opponents, but this wasn’t a terrible way for her to make a debut.

Natalya would be successful very quickly and would make it to the finals of a tournament for the first Divas Title at Great American Bash 2008.

Divas Title: Michelle McCool vs. Natalya

This is for the inaugural title and there’s probably some stupid tournament that set this up. Michelle takes her to the mat and speeds things up. Natalya takes over and hooks a surfboard but Michelle counters (impressively so) into a heel hook attempt which is countered. Nattie hooks the Sharpshooter but Michelle gets the ropes. A second attempt is countered into the heel hook and Michelle wins the title.

Rating: D. The joke here was that hopefully Michelle enjoyed the Undertaker semen that came with that belt. I’m not sure how much anyone cared or if anyone on the planet that didn’t work for WWE thinks there was a need for another female title, but they unified it…eventually, as in like two years later.

Natalya would be in an elimination match at Survivor Series 2008.

Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown

Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Candice Michelle, Jillian Hall
Michelle McCool, Victoria, Maria, Maryse, Natalya

Beth is the captain of Team Raw and McCool is captain of Team Smackdown. They’re also Women’s and Divas Champions respectively. Santino is here with Beth because awkward romances are funny right? Mickie has her signature look down now and is very bouncy. For the sake of simplicity, only Michelle McCool will be referred to as Michelle. Beth and Michelle start things off with Beth controlling via a top wristlock. Michelle uses some decent chain wrestling to set up a dropkick to send Beth backwards a bit.

Maryse tags herself in and gets in a brawl with her own partner Michelle. Team Raw: “LET THEM FIGHT!” After the brawl is broken up, it’s Beth vs. Maria with Maria avoiding a charge and hitting a slow motion headscissors. Off to Kelly vs. Maria and hopefully this doesn’t last long. Victoria tags herself in and gets caught in a rana by Kelly for the pin. Kelly tries the same thing on Maryse for two so Maryse hits a backbreaker and gets the pin.

It’s 4-4 now if you’re keeping track and Mickie comes in while swearing a bit. A Thesz Press puts Maryse down and it’s off to Michelle again. They try to bridge into a backslide, fail miserably, and try again to a standoff. McCool hits a Russian legsweep for two and Mickie hits a clothesline for the same, but Maria’s save hits McCool on the save, allowing Mickie to hit the jumping DDT and pin Michelle. Mickie gets in an argument with Beth and gets rolled up by Maryse to tie it right back up.

Off to Candice vs. Natalya and they trade some rollups for two. Natalya busts out a Sharpshooter (it is the Survivor Series after all) but Jillian makes the save. Candice hits a spear for a quick pin on Natalya and it’s 3-2. For those of you keeping track, it’s Jillian, Beth and Candice vs. Maria and Maryse.

It’s Jillian vs. Maria with Jillian getting two off a Samoan Drop. Maria grabs a quick victory roll to eliminate Jillian and ten seconds later, Candice hits a northern lights suplex to put Maria out. Maryse hooks an inverted figure four on Candice and we’re down to one on one. Maryse gets in a few shots and a rollup but the Glam Slam gets the final pin very quickly.

Rating: D. As decent as last year’s was, this felt like your traditional Divas match. You had some decent workers but most of the girls are models who are there because of how they look in swimsuits. I’ve seen worse matches and the right choice was the survivor, but this just didn’t work for the most part.

We’ll jump ahead a bit to September 4, 2009 and a Smackdown tag match with a backstory that doesn’t make a ton of sense.

Maria/Eve Torres vs. Layla/Natalya

Apparently this is the fallout from a six person tag last night where Eve had Natalya beaten but Tyson Kidd cost her the fall. Nattie and Maria start things off. I don’t know if it’s my thing for redheads or what but Maria has always been gorgeous. Layla distracts Maria and Nattie takes her head off with a clothesline to take over.

Off to Layla who hooks her reverse Tarantula and hits a shot to the back of Maria for two. The evil ones (Layla/Natalya) take turns beating up Maria until it’s finally off to Eve. She comes in and fires off some kicks before getting kicked in the face by Layla for two. Everything breaks down and eve hits a cartwheel into a moonsault to Layla for the pin.

Rating: C-. I say this a lot but it’s amazing how much more interesting the girls used to be like a year ago. I can’t quite put my finger on it but they come off as much stronger and more serious characters here instead of the girls today where they come off as cute and perky. The older ones come off as serious and tougher and more like wrestlers than Divas, which is a good thing.

In 2010, Natalya would be placed in her most famous team: the Hart Dynasty, as she managed and wrestled with David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd. They would be in a six person tag at Fatal Four Way.

Hart Dynasty vs. Usos/Tamina

When did this stop being a tag title match? Whatever. The Usos have beaten Goldust and Mark Henry. Oh joy. The women start us off. The Usos are a nice idea as they’re Samoans that aren’t savages. You know, because Rikishi and Rock were SAVAGES. Jimmy Uso sounds like Jimmy Olsen. This is better than the previous match, but why not a tag?

To be fair the girls can wrestle here so it’s harder to complain here. Jimmy Snuka was pushed to the back allegedly. Uh, yeah. He was pushed to the back of HULK HOGAN. That’s not discrimination. That’s basic intelligence in booking. Tyson is playing Ricky Morton here Everything goes all messy as Tyson hits a nice dive over the top. Oh and Natalya is in vs. Tamina. Tamina misses a top rope splash which Natalya was up before she jumped for but whatever. A discus lariat ends it for Natalya.

Rating: D+. Not bad here but it’s pure filler. I would have gone with the tag titles on the line here but it could certainly be argued that the Usos haven’t won enough to get a title shot yet which is true. This wasn’t horrible though but it belongs on Raw instead of here on PPV.

Natalya would soon enter a feud with Laycool over the Divas Title. She beat up McCool, then she beat up Layla, then she had a chance to face both of them at once for the Divas Title at Survivor Series 2010.

Divas Title: Laycool vs. Natalya

I miss Laycool’s entrance, if nothing else for how they look in the shorts. Laycool are the co champions here as both have belts in a story that wasn’t that interesting in the first place. The champs have to tag here and it’s Michelle to start. Natalya takes it to the mat early on and Michelle actually takes over with the amateur stuff. Off to the hometown heel in Layla who distracts the referee so Michelle can pull Nattie onto the floor.

Back in and Natalya supelxes both chicks at once but her back is hurt in the process. Michelle blasts her in said back on the floor, but Natalya shoves Michelle over the barricade. They all brawl at ringside for a bit before Natalya and Michelle head into the ring. McCool gets rammed into Layla and the Sharpshooter gives Natalya the title.

Rating: D. Here’s this whole feud in a nutshell: Natalya beat up Layla, then Natalya beat up Michelle, then Natalya beat up both of them at once. This wasn’t much of a match but it’s the kind of breather that you have to give the fans before you get to the big stuff later on. Laycool would be around for a few more months, but once they split they fell off the face of the planet all of a sudden.

Natalya would defend the title on Raw, January 24, 2011.

Divas Title: Melina vs. Natalya

Melina is shrieking early and knocks Natalya to the floor very early.  Natalya is in trouble and Melina locks on a Full Nelson using her legs while sitting on the mat.  That’s a new one on me for sure.  Natalya stands up and rams Melina in the corner and fires off some forearms.

She pulls back for a big right hand but Melina drills her to take her down.  Melina tries a leg lock but Natalya grabs the legs and pulls into a Sharpshooter, wrenching back on it so hard that she’s laying on her back.  There’s the easy submission at 2:45.  Too short to grade but that submission was great.

She would lose the title six days later so we’ll jump ahead to August 30, 2011 on Smackdown when Natalya had hooked up with Beth Phoenix as the Divas of Doom.

Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly/Alicia Fox

Aksana is guest ring announcer which is supposed to be connected to her hitting on Teddy. So Alicia is a face now? Nattie vs. Kelly to start. Kelly looks like the victim of a bubblegum accident. Cold tag to Alicia and after some offense from her, the Glam Slam takes care of this at 2:00.

Natalya would pop up on NXT on April 4, 2012.

Natalya vs. Kaitlyn

New music for Kaitlyn and Kidd is on commentary. Nattie takes her down and Kidd says there’s nothing going on with them. Bridging rollup gets two for Natalya. I think Natalya is a face here but I really have no idea. Kidd admits that he isn’t a Hart, which ticked him off when McGillicutty rubbed it in his face weeks ago. Natalya works on the arm and uses more holds on whatever part of the body she picks. Kaitlyn’s first offense is a cross body but Natalya laughs it off and the Sharpshooter gets the submission at 3:30.

Rating: C-. This was a squash for Natalya as she picked apart Kaitlyn with ease. I’m so glad they’ve dropped that idiotic gimmick she’s been using for the last few months as she’s very talented and can make even someone like Kaitlyn look good. I’m still not sure if she’s a face or a heel though, but I doubt WWE has put any thought into it either.

Natalya would join a comedy group with Hornswoggle and Great Khali, including this match on Smackdown, January 25, 2013.

Natalya vs. Rosa Mendes

Epico, Primo, Horny and Khali are all on commentary here. Rosa takes Nattie down to the mat with a headscissors as JBL makes short people jokes. A hair pull puts Natalya down again and it’s off to a modified bow and arrow hold. Primo asks if we can focus on the match instead of JBL’s WWE.com show as Rosa gets to the rope to avoid the Sharpshooter. Rosa dances in the ring so Horny dances on the table. The distraction is enough for Natalya to hook the Sharpshooter for the submission at 2:46. I think this was supposed to be funny.

Natalya would chase Divas Champion AJ for a long time, including this match on Smackdown, June 20, 2013.

AJ Lee vs. Natalya

Non-title. Natalya immediately takes AJ down but can’t hook the Sharpshooter. Instead she puts on a strange looking leglock where Natalya’s knees are between AJ’s knees and stretching them apart with both girls on their backs. AJ makes the rope and puts on a quick sleeper…..as we take a break? In this match? Back with Natalya getting two off a snap suplex and a clothesline. Natalya shouts that AJ has no respect but AJ counters a slam into the Black Widow for the pin at 2:20 shown of 4:50.

Then Total Divas happened so we got a match as a result of jealousy over the show’s storyline at Summerslam 2013.

Brie Bella vs. Natalya

This is the Total Divas match with Nikki, Eva Marie and the Funkadactyls in the corner. Feeling out process until we get to the catfight stuff, culminating in Brie having to bail from a Sharpshooter attempt. Eva and Nikki pull the ring skirt down to send Natalya to the floor, allowing Brie to take over. The fans chant for JBL and then Lawler as they completely turn on the match. Brie cranks on Nattie’s arm as the fans want tables.

After a faceplant it’s right back to the hold as this match is dragging three minutes in. Natalya makes a quick comeback and puts on the Sharpshooter but Brie kicks away and no sells the pain. The girls get in a brawl on the floor and we’re in the third use of the SAME hold. Someone get Fit Finlay back in this company immediately. The fans are chanting for Ryder as Natayla hits an Alabama Slam and the Sharpshooter gets the tap out from Brie at 5:20.

Rating: F. This was HORRIBLE with both girls looking bad. The Divas are horrid right now other than AJ and occasionally Layla but these reality “stars” are getting TV time because people like to see them argue and be insecure. Natalya is good in the ring but she can’t work a miracle with a model out there. Horrid match and they need to win the crowd back immediately.

Back to the Divas Title hunt at TLC 2013.

Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Natalya

Natalya is challenging. AJ takes her down to start with a headscissors before Natalya reverses into an armbar. A low dropkick has Natalya in trouble so she heads outside, only to be distracted by Tamina, allowing AJ to send her face first into the apron. Off to a chinlock by AJ followed by a spinwheel kick to the jaw. Natalya comes back and sends AJ into the corner, only to get caught in a nice guillotine choke.

The blonde powers out and hits a basement dropkick to the face followed by some clotheslines. Some suplexes set up the Sharpshooter and Natalya brings her back to the middle of the ring, only to have AJ kick free. The Black Widow goes on but Natalya rolls out, breaking it for the first time. A clothesline puts AJ down again but another Sharpshooter attempt is countered into a small package for the pin at 6:42.

Rating: C. There were some nice false finishes in there but I’m over Natalya challenging for the title. AJ has completely cleaned out the division except for Tamina, setting up the showdown whenever they go that way. I’m sure we’ll hear about AJ vs. Total Divas again though, because just beating them about five PPVs in a row isn’t enough proof of who is better.

And one more time from Main Event on March 11, 2014.

Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Natalya

Nattie made champion AJ tap in a non-title match on Snackdown to set this up. Before the match AJ says she’s bored due to the lack of competition here, but worry not because she’ll beat Natalya again tonight. After some big match intros, Natalya takes it to the mat to start with a headlock. A rollup sends AJ crawling for the ropes and it’s right back to the headlock.

Natalya does the Owen Hart counter to escape a wristlock before cranking on Lee’s leg. AJ gets into the ropes again as they’re in very slow but deliberate mode to start here. Back up and Natalya cranks on an abdominal stretch with the leg lifted as well. AJ slips out but gets dropkicked to the floor as we take a break. Back with AJ getting two off something we didn’t see before putting on a chinlock.

That doesn’t last long as Nattie fights up and tries a slam, only to be countered into the guillotine choke. Natalya can’t slam her down to escape and gets clotheslined down for two. It’s time for the skipping around the ring followed by another wicked clothesline. A running dropkick puts the champion down but she kicks Natalya over and over in the corner to take over again. Back to the guillotine which transitions into a sleeper but Nattie throws AJ down.

The blonde makes her comeback with clotheslines and a hard slam for two of her own. AJ grabs the Black Widow out of nowhere but gets slammed down into Sharpshooter position. That gets countered as well into a cradle for two but the second attempt gets the hold on. Nattie doesn’t sit down on it that well though, allowing Lee to crawl over to the ropes. Tamina gets on the apron and the distraction lets AJ nail the Shining Wizard, setting up the Black Widow for the submission. The referee calmly telling her to “tap whenever you’re ready” hurt the scene a bit.

Rating: B-. The match got a bit repetitive at the end but it’s a good sign that two girls can have a seventeen minute match and make it work this well. The idea of AJ being a better technical wrestler but getting caught by the power worked really well, as did the ways AJ could contort and bend out there.

We’ll wrap it up with Natalya in the finals of a tournament to become NXT Women’s Champion at NXT Takeover.

Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Natalya

This is a tournament final for the vacant championship. Charlotte has a remixed Ric Flair theme song and it’s really not working. After some big match intros, we’re ready to go. Feeling out process to start as the legends play cheerleaders. Natalya takes her down by the arm but gets caught in a headscissors. Back up and Natalya grabs the headlock as well. That goes nowhere either so they fight over wristlocks until Charlotte grabs an armbar.

Natalya does the Owen Hart roll out and grabs a leg lock to take over. Back up again and Natalya takes her right back down with another leg tie. Charlotte reaches around to grab a chinlock which goes into a front facelock. They hit the ropes for a bit with Natalya countering a wheelbarrow slam into a cradle for two. Natalya grabs a body scissors but Charlotte rolls to the ropes to avoid a cross armbreaker.

Charlotte gets tired of submission stuff and slaps Natalya in the face. A BIG chop puts Natalya down and Ric loses his mind going WOO. Natalya tries a sleeper but gets caught in an over the shoulder Stunner for two. Charlotte slams the Canadian’s face into the mat over and over before choking in the corner a bit. Off to a figure four headlock complete with Madison Rayne’s face ram into the mat.

Back up and it’s off to an abdominal stretch on Natalya, albeit not a very good one. Natalya reverses into a much better one and even grabs Charlotte’s leg for good measure. Charlotte rolls out and hits a low dropkick for two. Natalya fights back with power and a low dropkick of her own, followed by a whip into the corner for a Flair Flip. They head outside with Charlotte whipping Natalya off the apron by the leg. Back in and Charlotte goes up, only to miss a moonsault.

A discus lariat gets two for Natalya and the Sharpshooter goes on, but Charlotte rolls out and puts on the Figure Four. Natalya somehow reverses the pressure without turning the hold over and Charlotte crawls to the apron. She falls to the floor with the hold still on and both girls are in trouble. Natalya is sent knee first into the steps and it’s back inside for a bad Sharpshooter (complete with a glare at Bret) but Natalya rolls through, only to be kicked away from the Sharpshooter. Charlotte hits Bow Down To The Queen out of nowhere for the pin and the title at 16:55.

Rating: B+. Who would have thought THIS would be awesome? Charlotte has somehow become awesome in like two months and more than held her own out there. It was hard to imagine Natalya winning here but it was still an absolutely awesome match between two wrestlers who happen to be girls.

Natalya is one of the many Divas who is talented but has to deal with a lot of pretty lame challengers. She’s the wrestling Diva for the most part but occasionally gets to showcase her looks. That’s one of the things that drives me crazy about Total Divas: Natalya is treated like the old maid of the show despite being 31 years old and gorgeous. It’s life in the WWE and unfortunately a lot of life in general.

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Believe it or not I still do these. Today is Melina.

Melina tried out for Tough Enough III but didn’t make the final cut. However she was able to get a job a little over a year later and went down to OVW. After a few appearances on Raw and Smackdown in various Divas wearing little clothing segments, she made her real debut as the manager of MNM (Mercury, Nitro and Melina) in April of 2005. She would make her in ring debut a few months later on the June 30, 2005 episode of Smackdown.

Melina vs. Michelle McCool

Melina is doing the A-List gimmick and talked about all the celebrities coming to see her first match. There were even paparazzi waiting for her as she made her entrance. Michelle isn’t much yet other than a hot blonde in barely there shorts. Melina is sent to the floor and kicked through the ropes but Michelle drags her back inside.

A rollup gets two for Michelle and a kick to the face gets the same. Melina begs off and offers a handshake and the tall blonde actually goes for it. She earns that right hand to the face and Melina chokes away for awhile. An awkward looking kick to the face puts Michelle down as her shorts don’t want to stay down. Melina powerbombs Michelle out of the corner and rolls her up with feet on the ropes for the pin. Too short to rate but the outfits were better than the match.

Soon after this MNM would get into a feud with Animal/Heidenreich over the Smackdown Tag Team Titles. This led to a six person tag at No Mercy 2005 with Christy Hemme joining the alleged Legion of Doom.

MNM vs. Legion of Doom/Christy Hemme

This is Animal/Heidenreich which never worked at all. They’re the tag champions here. My goodness Christy was gorgeous. She took a Snapshot on Smackdown so she’s injured coming in. Animal has a taped up shoulder too. Heidenreich pulls Nitro in and the beating is on before he can even take the fur coat off. Heidenreich is all fired up and hits a three point clothesline for two. Off to the large gut with the Animal attached but Mercury gets in a kick to the shoulder to take over.

He keeps kicking at it and knocks Heidenreich to take draw him in. MNM hits the Snapshot on Animal very quickly but it only gets two because of the delay in getting to the cover. Mercury snaps the shoulder over the top rope to let Nitro get two. The double team continues and Animal is in trouble. Neckbreaker gets two. Mercury goes up but jumps into an almost powerslam for two. Everything breaks down and Melina tags herself in. She dives onto Animal and gets caught. Off to Christy for a bad Hart Attack and then a HORRIBLE rana. As in the legs were around Melina’s arms. Doomsday Device ends Melina.

Rating: D-. Christy Hemme is a fine example of a girl that looks good in tight pants and a black bra. She’s incredibly attractive and sexy, but but she had no business being in a wrestling ring as a competitor. It didn’t work for her at all and she was only in the ring for about 45 seconds. Again though, she’s there for her looks and those work very well.

Melina wouldn’t get in the ring much in 2006 as she was mainly used as a plot device for a feud between Mick Foley and Ric Flair. Apparently Melina and Foley were friends in real life and Foley had to degrade himself to keep her job. Melina turned on him anyway and Foley was fired. The whole thing never made a ton of sense and isn’t talked about that much. Melina would get back in the ring in early 2007 and have a Women’s Title shot February 19, 2007 on Raw.

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Mickie James

It’s amazing how much harder the girls’ sexuality was pushed at this point. Melina comes out gyrating more than the Bellas do in a year and Mickie’s skirt flies up about four times during her entrance alone. It’s so different than today and I see very little to complain about. Mickie armdrags Melina down to start but Melina comes back with a string of kicks. A running dropkick sends Melina outside but she blocks a baseball slide.

Back in and Melina takes over with some shots to the back before tossing Mickie down by the hair. Mickie gets tired of the shots to the head and takes Melina down for some right hands. A hair toss sends Melina down this time but she blocks a throw out of the corner. Mickie’s head hits the mat and Melina gets a jackknife cover for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t bad but the girls looked great and it was a nice to see them just brawling instead of trying to go through wrestling matches. I appreciate it when girls like Nikki and Brie try, but it looks awful most of the time. Why do something badly when you can do this style better?

Melina would lose and win the title back at a house show a few weeks later before defending the title against Mickie again in a few months at Backlash 2007.

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Mickie James

Melina is defending. Mickie is getting her return match here and is looking very bouncy tonight. They head to the mat to start with Mickie hitting a monkey flip for one. Off to a headlock by the challenger which is reversed into one by Melina. Mickie escapes that with ease so Melina pounds away as she can’t win a wrestling match here. Mickie mounts her (lucky) and pounds away as well.

James goes up top but gets sent out to the floor to give Melina control. She chokes Mickie in the ropes and then hooks a full nelson with her legs. Now it’s a choke in the corner but Mickie escapes. And never mind as Melina comes off with a seated senton to take over again immediately. That gets two so Mickie tries her spin kick. That fails also as Melina counters, sending Mickie down into the splits. James hooks Melina’s legs and they slug it out with both girls in a splits position.

Mickie makes her comeback with forearms and hair tosses. She’s very fired up here and it looks like a good comeback instead of the usual lame Divas offense. Mickie’s rana out of the corner is countered as Melina sends her to the apron. She pops back up and hits a top rope cross body for two. Back to the corner and Melina hits a kick to the head followed by a reverse DDT to retain.

Rating: C+. This was one of the best Divas match I’ve seen in YEARS. Mickie was awesome as was Melina, but most importantly of all: this was treated like a match between two women, rather than a Divas match if that makes sense. The match wasn’t treated like anything different, which is the best thing they could do with the Divas anymore. Also it got time, which helped a lot.

There wasn’t much else for Melina in 2007 other than getting annoyed at Ashley Massaro for being in Playboy. This was followed by Maria posing in the magazine and a tag match at Wrestlemania XXIV.

Maria/Ashley vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina

This is a Playboy lumberjill match with Snoop Dogg as master of ceremonies in a golf cart. Snoop of course comes out with all of the lumberjills because that’s what Snoop would do. Ashley is her usual self and Maria looks great. Also, her theme song continues to be ridiculously catchy. Oh and Beth is Women’s Champion and has Santino with her. Melina has uh….wings.

Ashley tries to fight Beth and is immediately thrown around. Maria tries a double hip toss with Ashley which goes as well as you would expect two talentless models to be able to do. Melina is thrown to the floor and beaten up by the good Divas and takes a bad Bronco Buster from Maria. Ashley gets a running start to climb to the middle ropes to punch Melina as this mess continues. Melina takes over and catapults Ashley into a bearhug by Beth.

Melina hits a moonsault off of Beth’s shoulders for two before we get a stupid trip from Ashley. Off to Maria for some kicks as the lights go out. They finally get a spotlight on as this continues to fall apart. Maria tries to counter the Glam Slam into a bulldog but can’t even do that right. Melina breaks up the pin and we get heel miscommunication. Maria hits a kind of top rope bulldog but Santino breaks up the pin. Lawler punches out Santino but Beth hits a fisherman’s buster for the pin on Maria.

Rating: F+. That’s ALL for Maria looking great. I forgot this match was a lumberjill match after about a minute and the rest of the girls couldn’t even be seen after that long. Maria was TERRIBLE here and she was the better worker on her team. This didn’t work at all and was the disaster to end all disasters for Divas matches.

Melina would start feuding with Beth soon after this (shocking I know) leading to a rare Divas gimmick match at One Night Stand 2008.

Beth Phoenix vs. Melina

Recaps? Context? Point to the match? Who needs those stupid things? This is an I Quit match. We get a clip from Judgment Day of Beth hitting a double backbreaker on Melina and Mickie at the same time which is rather awesome. Dang it’s fun to watch Melina gyrate. Beth backs her into the ropes immediately to intimidate her so Melina grabs a guillotine choke of all things and Beth is in trouble early.

Beth easily counters out of it but it was working for awhile. Backbreaker gives Beth control and a bow and arrow has Melina in trouble. Something resembling a face jam/tornado DDT to Beth sets up an Indian Deathlock with a bridge which is always awesome looking. Beth crawls to the floor because ropes mean nothing. That looked pretty cool at least. Over the shoulder backbreaker has Melina in trouble as there is no flow to this match at all.

The fans want Chyna which should tell you how uninteresting this is. JR and King kind of shut up for a bit as Beth puts on a chinlock. Melina manages to send her into the middle buckle and Beth’s shoulder hits the post a bit later. Headscissors sets up an armbar, almost like La Mistica. Cross Armbreaker goes on as the crowd flat out does not care. Off to an arm choke but Beth is like screw that and hits a powerbomb to break it. Seated double chickenwing goes on and Melina looks like she’s about to cry. Beth then grabs the chin and pulls back to the point where Melina’s head is touching her own feet and that’s it.

Rating: D+. Another ridiculously boring match but at least Beth was hot. Seriously, other than that there was next to nothing going on here. Also, Divas don’t need ten minutes because it doesn’t take that long to go buy a Coke. Pretty weak match overall and nothing special in the slightest.

Melina would turn face soon after this but injure her heel, putting her out of action until late November. Once she came back, Melina won a battle royal to earn a title match against Beth Phoenix at the 2009 Royal Rumble.

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Melina

Melina is challenging and Beth has Santino with her here. Beth shoves her around to start before easily breaking out of a headlock. A LOUD Santino chant starts up as Beth throws Melina around. Melina comes back with a shot to the head but gets shoved down immediately again. The challenger hooks an armbar of all things but Beth easily stands up while Melina stands on her shoulder.

Melina gets on Beth’s shoulders again but Beth shoves her down in a crash. A running Umaga attack in the corner puts Melina down again and Beth is in full control. In a freaky looking move, Beth grabs Melina’s leg in a kind of ankle lock position and bends the leg forward to make Melina kick herself in the back of the head. FREAKING OW MAN! Melina escapes a gorilla press and fires off some forearms before getting two off a sunset flip. Two knees into Beth’s back have her staggered and a hair drag gets two. Out of nowhere, Melina grabs a spinning rollup for the pin and the title. As sudden as it sounds.

Rating: D+. Not terrible here and the girls looked good so I can’t complain much. That leg lock thing of Beth’s was SICK and it’s one of those moves that just looks painful all around. At the end of the day though, does it matter who has either of the female belts? They’re completely interchangeable and this one was retired the next year.

Melina would drop the title soon and chase the belt for a few months. Soon after she would be sent to Raw and get a title shot on her first night on the red show.

Divas Title: Jillian Hall vs. Melina

Jillian won the title literally five minutes before this. Bell, Jillian hides in the corner, sunset bomb, new champion.

Melina would defend against Alicia Fox on Raw a few weeks later on November 16, 2009.

Divas Title: Alicia Fox vs. Melina

Melina is champion and Alicia won some battle royal. Alicia says to announcer her as the next Divas Champion. He says no and it’s now a lumberjill match with the members of the Survivor Series teams as the girls on the floor. Melina does her Matrix move and gets sent to the floor where the heel chicks beat on her. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Fox. And never mind as a sunset bomb gets the pin for Melina.

Unfortunately Melina would tear her ACL a few weeks later and be out for eight months. Soon after returning she would get a Divas Title match against champion Alicia Fox at Summerslam 2010.

Divas Title: Alicia Fox vs. Melina

Alicia is champion and the flavor of the month of the division. Melina has on a headdress that makes her look like a peacock. She looks….stupid. Melina takes forever taking off her furry boots before we’re finally ready to go. After they stare at each other for a good while Melina shoves her into the corner and then they stare at each other some more. The champion takes it to the mat with a headlock before Melina comes up with forearms. Off to a kind of Indian Deathlock with a curb stomp to Fox followed by a pair of knees to Fox’s ribs.

Some more forearms have Fox in trouble but Melina lands on her bad knee which cost her eight months off. The knee is good enough for Melina to superkick Fox, only to be sent shoulder first into the post. Back in and Fox goes after the arm because she’s not that bright. Melina realizes how stupid this is and makes her comeback with a kick to the ribs. A LOUD scream sets up a kick to the back and kind of a Diamond Cutter faceplant for the pin and the title.

Rating: D-. Both girls looked great but my dear merciful goodness Fox was embarrassing out there. When Jerry Lawler is making fun of you for having a lack of psychology, it’s a bad sign for your match. The Divas division hit a black hole after Trish and Lita left and this was a great example of how bad it was getting.

Post match Josh Matthews goes in to talk to Melina but here’s Laycool to interrupt. They’re the co-women’s champions here after literally tearing the belt in two. They try to take a picture with Melina but she kicks them both in the ribs. Layla trips Melina up though, allowing Michelle to clearly not make contact on a big boot. Fox tries to join in but gets beaten down as well. The titles would be unified next month.

And here’s that unification match from Night of Champions 2010.

Women’s Titles: Michelle McCool vs. Melina

Michelle in red: DANG. Nice back shot of her as the bell rings. Layla is ticked at her for being in there as we hear about the history of the Women’s Title, which is of course mostly nonsense but whatever. Crowd is DEAD. Yes, a Chicago crowd is dead. Michelle sends her to the floor but no one sends her back in. NICE Blockbuster from Orton’s elevated DDT position by Michelle. I love the Blockbuster (jumping front flip neckbreaker) so that was sweet for me.

Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) is blocked and Melina takes over. Decent belly to belly suplex for two by the blonde. Kelly gets up on the apron marking the first time they do anything all night as Melina has her rolled up. Kelly is for Melina here but just doesn’t get it I guess. The girls all beat up Michelle and send her back in. They need to stop slapping the mat as I think it’s a referee count.

Melina does the Matrix Move but Michelle just kicks her. Again: kicking and punching people works best a lot of the time. Both girls hit the floor as the girls yell at Michelle, showing off their acting…..talent. Layla interferes and Michelle gets to hit a, wait for it, wait for it, BIG BOOT TO UNIFY THE BELTS.

Rating: C-. Surprisingly decent match here although the girls were absolutely pointless out there. Layla interfering is fine as it’s expected, but what about the heat between them allegedly? This wasn’t much but at least it gets rid of the Divas Title, or at least I hope so. Better than most Divas matches though so I’ll give it that.

That would be about it for Melina as far as matches that mattered. Here’s one last match from July 11, 2011.

Kelly Kelly vs. Melina

The Bellas are on commentary and talking about how one of them will be champion after Money in the Bank on Sunday. The evil Melina chokes away to start as the Bellas rip into Kelly on commentary. A neckbreaker gets two for Kelly and a quick K2 is enough for the pin on Melina.

Overall Melina was successful but she was much better known for those gyrations than anything else. With good reason too as she was gorgeous and could shake her hips like no one else could. She’s not the best worker in the world or anything though and her horrible attitude backstage is well known. Still though, she’s very nice to look at with the great curves and perfect black hair.

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Superstars
Date: March 15, 2012
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio/Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Matt Striker, Scott Stanford

This was a request that I got yesterday and I had nothing else to do so here it is. Superstars is a show I often get requests for and for some reason I don’t ever do it. It’s the D show for WWE and is more or less there for the sake of giving the somewhat big name that they don’t have time to get on Raw and/or Smackdown. Let’s get to it.

I don’t think I’ve watched this show in like three years.

Justin Gabriel vs. Hunico

Hunico keeps up the tradition of saying something in Spanish and then saying it again in English. Hunico uses a nice wristlock to start and flips around a bit. They fight for control over the arm and Gabriel gets a backslide for two. Hunico bails to the floor and things slow down a bit. Back in and things speed up again which Striker says favors Gabriel. I’m not sure about that but Gabriel hits a monkey flip and sends Hunico back to the floor.

In a cool move, Gabriel does something like a 619 as he swings his legs into the ring and then back out to kick Hunico in the chest. Hunico rams Justin’s back into the apron and we take a break. Back with Hunico holding a chinlock which is quickly broken. Justin tries a sunset flip but Hunico rolls through and hits a Tajiri style kick to the head. Out to the floor and Camacho gets in a shot to keep Justin down.

Back to the chinlock and then Hunico goes up. Striker makes a Super Calo reference for some reason as Hunico jumps into a dropkick. Gabriel slugs away and hits another dropkick to knock Hunico to the floor. Justin hits a springboard plancha to take out both guys in a cool spot. Springboard missile dropkick to the back gets two.

Hunico comes back with a Saito Suplex for two. Gabriel comes back but his tornado DDT is countered into a northern lights suplex for two. A second attempt at the DDT works and both guys are down. Gabriel sets for the 450 but has to get rid of Camacho first so Hunico crotches him. A Death Valley Driver off the middle rope gets the pin for Hunico at at 11:58.

Rating: B-. This was entertaining and longer than most matches you’ll see anymore. Gabriel is a guy that they have something solid (not great but solid) with but if he’s never going to get out of Superstars and NXT, that doesn’t mean anything. Hunico is better than I expected him to be as well but he needs to get out of the generic Mexican dude gimmick. This was a good back and forth match but it never quite got to a great level.

Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks

Man I thought I was free of these guys off NXT. We actually hear about the Regal feud on NXT. I can’t escape that show. Kofi vs. Hawkins to start things off. Apparently Little Jimmy has named the team the Hip Hop Express. Off to Truth as the NXT guys are in trouble. A spinning legdrop gets two for Truth but it’s off to Reks. Back to Kofi who hits a middle rope forearm for two.

Reks gets a boot up in the corner as Striker calls him Rex-y. Tyler pounds him down but Truth knocks him to the floor with a leg lariat. Back to Kofi who uses Truth as a stepping stone for a somersault plancha to the outside. We take a break and come back with Kofi working on Reks. Tyler gets in a shot but charges into the pendulum kick and a top rope cross body for two.

Kofi goes after Hawkins for some reason and is sent to the floor on a low bridge. Back to Reks who gets two on Kofi. He hooks a front facelock and a modified Eye of the Hurricane for two. Hawkins puts Kofi in the Tree of Woe and fires off some kicks for two. He draws Truth in so the heels can go High Low on Kofi for two. Back to Reks who stalls a lot. Something that looked like it was going to be Snake Eyes is countered into a spinning kind of mat slam to put both guys down. Hot tag brings in Truth and he cleans house. Everything breaks down and Trouble in Paradise into the Little Jimmy gets the pin at 10:10.

Rating: C+. This was standard tag team formula stuff and that’s usually the best idea you can have. That being said, I don’t like the Kofi/Truth team as there’s so much Kofi could do but instead the answer seems to be just throw him into a tag team because that’s all he’s good for I guess. I’ll never get that mindset but WWE seems stuck on it.

Raw ReBound recap the rap vs. rock thing.

Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix

Apparently Natalya has said she can beat Beth. Kelly stomps away in the corner and uses her typical stuff: handspring elbow, Stinkface, headscissor choke over the rope etc. Thesz Press puts Beth down and a rana gets two. Beth comes back and drops an elbow to the back for two.

Off to a surfboard hold and then a modified full seated full nelson. Beth beats on her but misses a charge in the corner. Kelly’s momentum lasts all of two seconds as Beth kills her with a clothesline for two. Dragon sleeper to Kelly but she makes her comeback and hits that headscissor spin of hers. Glam Slam is countered into a rollup for two. The second attempt works and gets the pin at 6:36.

Rating: D. I’ve said many times that I don’t like the Divas and that’s true for a variety of reasons. Number one of all though is probably that most of them just aren’t that good. Kelly looked like she could barely run the ropes properly and because she can do a few moves ok at best, she’s one of the top Divas in the WWE. This was the usual boring stuff from them but with more time.

Overall Rating: B-. I enjoyed it well enough for 45 minutes but it’s not something I’d watch every week I don’t think. First of all, any show that gives a Divas match six and a half minutes needs to have a curse of festering boils put on it. The problem I’d have with this show is that while the matches are ok, a lot of these guys don’t get on regular TV for a reason: they’re not that interesting. The show was decent though which is all that matters I guess, especially given that it’s basically a collection of the week’s dark matches.

Results

Hunico b. Justin Gabriel – Death Valley Driver from the second rope
R-Truth/Kofi Kingston b. Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks – Little Jimmy to Hawkins
Beth Phoenix b. Kelly Kelly – Glam Slam
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