Monday Night Raw
Date: October 8, 2007
Location: Van Andel Arena, Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with No Mercy and Randy Orton is the new WWE Champion, having been awarded, losing and regaining the title in quite the rollercoaster of a night. Orton is going to need a new challenger now and that means we might be in for something interesting this week. Let’s get to it.

Here is No Mercy if you need a recap.

Here is Vince McMahon to get things going. He brags about living up to his word last night, when he guaranteed a new WWE Champion and a WWE Championship match. Well we had three WWE Championship matches and history was made. We get a package on the HHH vs. Randy Orton title matches (Umaga is omitted, which makes sense for Vince) before Vince guarantees that history be made again tonight. Every wrestler is going to come out here and shake Orton’s hand to wish him well. The next title defense will take place at Cyber Sunday, with Vince explaining the concept.

Cue HHH to interrupt and to tell Vince to shut up. These fans don’t care about Cyber Sunday because they care about tonight. That’s why HHH is invoking his rematch clause and he wants Orton this week. Vince advises him against it but says sure he can have his rematch….but we’ll throw in Umaga as Orton’s partner in a handicap match.

Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James/Candice Michelle/Maria

Maria takes Melina into the corner so Mickie can start working on the arm. A missed charge in the corner lets Melina get in a shot of her own though and it’s Beth coming in to throw Mickie around. Melina comes back in for a chinlock before handing it off to Jillian. Mickie kicks both of them away and the hot tag brings in Candice to clean house. Everything breaks down and Candice reverses a handspring elbow into a victory roll to finish Jillian.

Rating: C-. This was a way to rebuild Candice after her loss last night but it is pretty clear that her time as a serious title contender is over. Phoenix is a new breed of champion and she is going to need a more serious challenger. Out of the people here, that would pretty much just be Mickie, but for now it seems like we have to get Candice’s rematch out of the way.

William Regal has brought in some new stuff to spruce up Coach’s office, but Coach says that Elton John and George Michael are “queens” just like Elizabeth. Regal’s eyes are bugging out of his head but Vince McMahon comes in to say it’s ok. The two of them are supposed to keep an eye on Hornswoggle but they’re not sure where he is.

Video on last week’s Cyber Sunday.

Santino Marella vs. Val Venis

Fallout from Venis mocking Santino last week. Hold on though as Santino drops to the floor and says he can’t wrestle, but he has a replacement.

Snitsky vs. Val Venis

Snitsky goes straight to Venis’ bad knee and kicks at it in the corner before dropping a knee on the knee. A clothesline sets up the pumphandle powerslam to finish Venis fast.

Evander Holyfield is fighting on Saturday so here’s what he did on Saturday Night’s Main Event a few months back.

SAVE US!

John Cena joins us via satellite from Florida and says that he will be out of action 7-12 months. Lawler suggests Cena is glad he didn’t have to fight Randy Orton last night so Cena makes a Cleveland Indians joke, because he’s that horrible of a person. Cena is looking forward to seeing Orton have to shake everyone’s hands tonight and he’ll be back soon.

Randy Orton/Umaga vs. HHH

Non-title, though I thought this was HHH’s official rematch. The villains don’t have to tag here but HHH manages to send Umaga outside. A DDT plants Orton but Umaga gets him outside and starts hammering away. Back in and the double stomping is on as HHH’s banged up ribs get banged up even more. A dropkick puts HHH down and Umaga gets to stay on the ribs. HHH fights up and tries a fast Pedigree on Orton but has to send Umaga into the post. The spinebuster drops Orton but Umaga comes back in with a chair for the DQ.

Rating: C. They were working while it lasted but it didn’t last long. HHH gets screwed over and likely gets to continue his feud with Umaga, which does make sense as HHH was a last minute replacement opponent for Orton. It’s not like they have any current issues so let HHH destroy Umaga again in some kind of a brawl at Cyber Sunday while Orton fights….someone.

Post match Orton hits the RKO on HHH and Umaga crushes him even more, including the Samoan Spike. Referees have to help get HHH out but he shoves them away….and falls down.

Post break and HHH is still being helped out. That’s a pretty big injury angle.

In the back, Vince McMahon tells HHH that he has to be first to shake Randy Orton’s hand.

Highlanders vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick

The highlanders are sent outside to start and taken down by a double dive as JR says London and Kendrick were Smackdown Tag Team Champions for well over a year. Well over, not quite over, same thing. Back in and London has to fight out of a chinlock, allowing the hot tag to Kendrick so house can be cleaned. Rory makes a save so London takes him to the floor, leaving Robbie to avoid a charge in the corner. A rollup with feet on the ropes gives Robbie the fast pin as the heel turn is on. Not likely to go anywhere, but it’s on.

The Diva Search girls had some rapid fire questions. Next week: search and rescue.

Coach can’t find Hornswoggle.

Lilian Garcia sings the title track from her Quiero Vivir album. After the song, Santino Marella comes in, praises “Jillian’s” song, and proceeds to sing his own song about how Steve Austin can’t act. Apparently this is set to Amy Winehouse’s Rehab.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title. Kennedy works on a headlock to start but Hardy runs him over with a shoulder. A flipping legdrop misses though and Kennedy gets two off a northern lights suplex. Jeff knocks him to the floor though and there’s a ram into the apron to make it worse. A missed dive only hits barricade though and we take a break.

Back with Kennedy working on a half crab but Hardy fights out and goes up top. Kennedy breaks that up with a dropkick and we’re right back to the half crab. With that broken up, Hardy kicks off a Figure Four attempt so Kennedy chop blocks him back down. The knee is fine enough to hit the running sleeper drop but Kennedy’s rollup, with feet on the ropes, gets two. Hardy is back with the sitout gordbuster but the Swanton misses. Kennedy goes for a lazy cover, which is countered into a crucifix to give Hardy the pin.

Rating: C+. This was the best and longest match on the show, which shouldn’t be a surprise given that the talent was there too. I’m not sure I get why Hardy is pinning Kennedy if he is going to be the next challenger, but I’ll take some slightly sketchy logic over the champion losing. Or maybe they go in a different direction than Kennedy as the challenger, which may be the case for Cyber Sunday.

Vince McMahon tells William Regal to have everyone at ringside, including Hornswoggle. Regal says Hornswoggle is having a nap but Coach comes in to say he can’t find Hornswoggle anywhere. Then Hornswoggle pops up out of a trunk, seemingly having just woken up. Regal and Vince leave so Hornswoggle beats up Coach.

The roster is on the stage, with Vince McMahon in the ring to tell them all to show respect to Randy Orton. Cue Orton to stand on a platform in the ring, where he says no one deserves to be champion more than him. He is perfect at everything he does and he sees a lot of jealous faces on the stage. This dynasty has only just begun and he will be WWE Champion for a long time to come.

Now HHH needs to get down here and say “good luck champ”….but there is no HHH. Vince demand that HHH come out here right now but instead, Orton is sent to go get him. Orton goes to get him….and it’s Shawn Michaels, looking far more grizzled than before (the cowboy hat looks thinner). The fight is on, with Shawn taking Orton down and then hitting Sweet Chin Music. Shawn is rather fired up and glares at Vince to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Shawn’s return at the end was good and gives them a fresh main event that can get Orton over harder as the new champion. Other than that though, it seems that they are still trying to figure out what to do with Cena gone, which is going to take some time. The wrestling wasn’t very good for the most part and I’m not sure how well the angles are going to go with Cyber Sunday being such a wild card. Not the most thrilling show here, though it’s good to have Shawn back.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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No Mercy 2007
Date: October 7, 2007
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

It’s time for a special show as John Cena is no longer the WWE Champion due to suffering an injury on Raw. Therefore we are guaranteed a new champion, though it is not clear how the title will be decided. Other than that, the Smackdown side features Batista defending the World Title against Great Khali in a Punjabi Prison match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about the story of Noah, including sending out a dove, which led to Noah and his family being shown mercy. That won’t be the case tonight, as we will have a new WWE Champion.

Here are Vince McMahon and William Regal with the WWE Title underneath a covering in the ring. McMahon recaps John Cena’s injury (the fans don’t seem crushed) and promises that we will see a WWE Title match right here tonight. Vince talks about giving the fans the power and what they want, which leads to a big Y2J chant. Vince: “I’m not going to give you that!” Instead, he gives us the new WWE Champion: Randy Orton!

We get a long celebration from Orton, who still has to defend the title tonight. Regal even lets him pick his own opponent (Fans: “Y2J!”), so Orton makes it clear that he will NOT be facing Cena tonight (the fans approve). Orton talks about all the people he has put on the shelf and says there is no one that comes close to him.

Cue HHH in his gear and the fans approve of this one. HHH issues the challenge but Orton says no, with HHH thinking that’s a good idea. Orton wouldn’t want his second World Title reign to be shorter than his first. The fans seem to want HHH to get the show, so he goads Vince about it a bit and asks if Orton is scared. HHH accuses Vince of being scared and having no guts, or perhaps even any grapefruits. That’s finally enough to get the match so let’s do it right now.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

Orton is defending and a Vince distraction lets him jump HHH at the bell. An elbow to the face sends Orton outside but HHH isn’t going to let him walk out. Back in and Orton gets to stomp away but HHH nails the running knee. Orton’s backbreaker gives him his own two and it’s time to hammer away on the mat as this is pretty basic offense so far.

The powerslam gives Orton two and we hit the chinlock. HHH fights up again and hits a heck of a running clothesline, followed by an even bigger superplex for two. The spinebuster gets two more and HHH throws him outside, only to get caught with the hanging DDT on the way back in.

The RKO is countered but so is the Pedigree, leaving them both needing a breather. Orton misses the knee drop so HHH grabs a Figure Four, sending Orton straight to the ropes. Back up and Orton sends him to the floor so HHH comes in off the top, only to get pulled back down. Orton misses a charge into the post though and HHH grabs a rollup to give him the pin and the title.

Rating: B-. Yeah it’s hot shotting the title change but this is a bit of a special circumstance. HHH winning the title is a nice feel good moment as he is the undisputed top good guy on the roster right now. Let the fans have their nice moment to get them over Cena, even if it means that Orton had the title for about twenty minutes. Good match too, as evil Orton vs. heroic HHH hadn’t been done very often at this point.

HHH celebrates for a pretty long time.

Orton runs into Vince McMahon backstage and the boss walks away without saying a word.

Jeff Hardy/Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Mr. Kennedy

Bonus match, with Cade and Murdoch introducing Kennedy as their surprise partner. Cade and Kendrick start things off with Kendrick hitting a running crossbody. London comes in with a sunset flip for two and it’s off to Murdoch, who gets headlocked over almost immediately. Jeff uses London as Matt in Poetry in Motion but the sitout jawbreaker is shrugged off.

That lets Kennedy come in to stomp away but Jeff shrugs it off and hands it back to Kendrick. Cade gets forearmed and dropkicked, only to have Murdoch low bridge Kendrick to the floor. Murdoch gets dropped onto Kendrick for a legdrop and some knee drops make it worse. That lets Kennedy choke away in the corner and the cravate goes on. With that not getting him very far, it’s back to Cade, whose superplex attempt is cut off.

Instead, Kendrick comes back with a flying DDT and a VERY diving tag brings in Jeff to start cleaning house. The sitout gordbuster is dropped and Murdoch lands on his face but Hardy goes up for the Swanton anyway. Cade makes the save as everything breaks down, leaving Kennedy to hit the Green Bay Plunge to finish London.

Rating: C+. I can always go for the idea of throwing six people into one match and letting them do their thing like this. You can probably pencil in Kennedy as Hardy’s next Intercontinental Title challenger and that is the kind of place that would suit him well. Cade/Murdoch vs. London/Kendrick is a pairing that always works well enough so this was a fine use of pay per view time, especially for something unadvertised.

HHH and Batista admire their titles but HHH bumps into Vince McMahon. Vince doesn’t like to let his fans down, so HHH vs. Umaga is still on and the title is on the line.

ECW World Title: Big Daddy V vs. CM Punk

V, with Matt Striker, is challenging after winning a #1 contenders match against Tommy Dreamer, who was already the #1 contender. An early lockup goes badly for Punk as V shoves him outside. Back in and V mounts him for some shots to the face but Punk is back up with some kicks and forearms. V misses a charge into the corner though and Punk hits a missile dropkick, only to have Striker come in for the fast DQ.

Post match V destroys Punk with a Samoan drop and a bunch of elbow drops. V leaves and Punk has to be helped out of the ring as this will continue.

Long recap of MVP and Matt Hardy’s various sports contests over the last ten (egads) weeks.

And now, a pizza eating contest, as hosted by Taz and scored by Maria and Melina. After some long entrances, MVP complains about eating this many calories, like so many people from Chicago clearly are. Maria says she’s from Chicago, so is she fat? MVP says deep dish pizza doesn’t help your IQ, so he and Matt get into it over all of these competitions again. They finally sit down and have two minutes to eat the most slices, with the women keeping score. After two minutes, Matt somehow wins 2-0 and then vomits on MVP. This was longer than any match on the show so far.

We recap HHH vs. Umaga, which stems from HHH mocking Vince McMahon for being Hornswoggle’s father. Vince brought Umaga back and sent him after HHH, setting up this match. Thanks to HHH winning the title earlier tonight, it is now a title match.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Umaga

HHH is defending and they go right to the slugout to start. A DDT has no effect on Umaga so HHH low bridges him out to the floor. HHH’s ram into the steps has no effect so HHH gets sent into them for some more impact. Back in and Umaga hits a superkick before sitting down on his chest. The middle rope headbutt misses though and HHH is back with the facebuster, again to no avail. The Samoan Spike is countered into a Pedigree attempt, which is countered as well.

HHH pops back up with a spinebuster but another Pedigree attempt is countered into the Samoan drop. They head outside with HHH being sent ribs first into the apron, followed by the bearhug inside. Even wild Samoans have psychology. Umaga’s swinging Rock Bottom gets two more and Umaga stays on the ribs. The running hip attack misses though and so does a charge into the post. That’s enough to set up the Pedigree to retain HHH’s title.

Rating: C+. This felt like the match before intermission at a house show as they ran through it rather quickly, which is understandable as it’s HHH’s second match of the night. Umaga wasn’t going to win the title and they weren’t going to give him a big win so soon after he was back from a major suspension, but he is fine as a dragon for HHH to slay.

SAVE US video.

We look at the Punjabi Prison.

Great Khali is meditating and Runjin Singh talks about the evil that Khali is channeling for this match.

Rey Mysterio vs. Finlay

Finlay isn’t having this wristlock stuff to start and uppercuts Rey up against the ropes. A crossbody gets Rey out of trouble though and he hammers away in the corner to stagger Finlay for a change. Rey sends him outside but the baseball slid gets him caught in the ring skirt so the beating can be on again. Back in and Rey gets sent into the post, setting up the Fujiwara armbar.

A very hard clothesline takes Rey down again and Finlay grabs a hammerlock. Rey gets back up and sends him into the corner for the break, followed by another crossbody for another two. The springboard seated senton into a basement dropkick gets two but the 619 is cut off with another clothesline.

With the usual stuff not working, Finlay pulls off the turnbuckle pad. That’s a bit too obvious so Finlay grabs the Shillelagh, only to get hurricanranaed into the ropes. Finlay ducks the 619 (that’s a smart one) but Rey hits a top rope Fameasser instead, knocking Finlay off the apron straight onto the floor with a loud THUD. That looked horrible and the sound was even worse. It’s so bad that Finlay is out cold and the match is stopped as he is taken out on a stretcher.

Rating: C. There is always room for someone like Finlay against a fan favorite like Rey, though that ending is a rough thing to see. It’s always weird to rate a match that ends without a winner like this, but it was about what you would expect from these two. I could go with another from them when they get the chance to wrap it up properly.

Post match Finlay jumps off the stretcher and destroys Rey. That one got me so nicely done.

HHH is in the trainer’s room getting his ribs treated when Vince McMahon comes in. Vince guaranteed a new WWE Champion tonight and that is what we had. He guaranteed a WWE Title match and we did. The thing is, he also guaranteed a Last Man Standing match….so that is what HHH is getting, because Randy Orton has requested his automatic rematch. Vince: “If you can stand at all, champ.”

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle

Michelle is defending and gets powered straight into the corner to start. A rollup out of the corner gives Michelle two but Beth hits the running shoulder to the ribs to cut her off. Michelle dropkicks her way out of trouble and grabs a short armscissors of all things. That’s broken up as well and Michelle dives into a World’s Strongest Slam for two.

The cobra clutch of all things goes on but Michelle does her best Bret Hart and climbs the corner for the backflip for two, with Beth not letting go as she kicks out. Candice drives her into the corner for the break and there’s a spinwheel kick. A high crossbody gives Candice two more and so does a sunset flip out of the corner. Beth has had it and hits a backbreaker into the fisherman’s DDT for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. This was one of the flatter pay per view matches I can remember in a while as it just came and went. Candice losing the title is the right call, as there comes a point where her surviving against a monster like Phoenix is too much to accept. Phoenix is a different breed and should be a big thing in the division for a long time to come.

Post match Beth says this is the ushering in of the era of the Glamazon.

The Punjabi Prison is lowered.

We recap Batista vs. Great Khali for the Smackdown World Title. Batista won the title from Khali at Unforgiven in a triple threat and now it is time for the big showdown rematch. It’s basically “can Batista slay the monster” with some bells and whistles.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Great Khali

Batista is defending inside the Punjabi Prison. There is a bamboo cage around the ring and then a much bigger one outside the ring. The inner cage has four doors that you have to call to be opened, which will have it opened for sixty seconds. After that, it stays closed permanently. You have to get out of the inner cage and then get over the bigger one to win. In other words, it’s more complicated than it needs to be and kind of hard to see through the big bars too, which is why it was only used a few times ever.

Khali goes after him with the chops to start but Batista knocks him back in the ropes to tie up the giant’s arms. JBL points out that Batista should be calling for a door but instead he charges into a boot like a moron as Khali gets his arms out. The big chop knocks Batista silly so Khali has a door opened. Batista makes the save though and the first door is officially closed for the rest of the match.

Some elbows in the corner have Batista in trouble but he comes back with a spear. The second door is open but Khali cuts him off this time and chokes against the cage until the door is officially closed. Khali pulls a strap off the cage and whips Batista down before calling for the third door to be opened. Batista cuts him off with a spinebuster though and crawls for the door, only to have Khali pull him back, meaning the door is officially closed.

That doesn’t work for Batista, who uses the same strap to beat on Khali but gets knocked down again with a single shot. The vice grip goes on so Khali calls for the last door to be open. Batista is back with a low blow to drop Khali, who is up in time to slam the door onto Batista’s back. The fourth door is officially closed so they have to go over the top to get out of the first cage.

Batista starts to go up but Khali pulls him back down for a crash. Khali manages to climb over the top of the first cage (that is some strong bamboo, mainly because it is supported by steel, because steel supported bamboo is a thing) to the floor. Batista is climbing up the inner structure and gets to the top as Khali gets to the top of the outer structure. In a pretty impressive move, Batista jumps from the inner cage to the outer and then beats Khali over the top and to the floor to retain.

Rating: D+. This could have been worse, but the problem is pretty obvious: this whole concept is so big and more complicated than it needs to be that it isn’t even fun. Also, I’m not sure how much of a signature match it can be for Khali when he hasn’t actually been in one of them before this. The ending was cool though as it felt like something out of the end of a movie and showed Batista was smart, which he has been before. Not a good match, but a clever ending.

Long recap of the WWE Title situation.

HHH is ready to fight one more time.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH, with bad ribs, is defending in a Last Man Standing match. They stare at each other to start until Orton gets smart by going after the bad (and untaped) ribs. More shots to the ribs sent HHH outside, where his quick Pedigree attempt is countered with a legsweep to send the ribs into the ramp.

Back in and more shots to the ribs set up a belly to back drop onto the barricade for a six count. A whip into the steps gets six more so they head back inside. HHH manages a much needed facebuster for a breather but Orton’s backbreaker puts him down for eight more. That just has Orton frustrated so he grabs a TV cord and chokes HHH into some nasty spitting.

HHH gets up at nine so the annoyed Orton sends him outside. The ECW announcers’ table (with Joey and Tazz still there after their minute and thirty seven second match earlier) is loaded up and a monitor to the head rocks HHH. The RKO through the table is shoved off though and Orton crashes through the table hard. Orton is up at nine as well so HHH hits a spinebuster on the floor for another nine.

Some steps to the head get another nine count and they roll back inside. Orton manages a DDT onto a chair to stun HHH though and the RKO onto the open chair leave a bloody HHH down. The ropes get HHH back up and he throws in the crotch chop before falling to the mat again. Orton’s Punt is blocked though and HHH makes the fired up comeback by taking Orton outside and sending him into various objects.

Orton cuts him off though and a catapult sends HHH head first into the post for another near fall. The steps are picked up but HHH cuts him off with a low blow. That leaves Orton’s heads in the steps and it’s a chair shot to crush him again. Orton gets up again and the Pedigree is loaded up, only to have him counter into the RKO onto the table for the ten count and the title.

Rating: B. They picked it up in the end but this was a lot of standing around waiting after someone does something big. In other words, it’s a Last Man Standing match but it’s a Last Man Standing match without a reason for these two to hate each other. I do like that they gave us the kind of match they advertised, but it was a weird position to be in after the Cena vs. Orton feud got so personal and HHH was just a last minute substitute.

Overall Rating: B-. This is one of the weirder shows that WWE has ever presented and I’m not really sure what to think of it. The wrestling is mostly good, save for the Punjabi Prison mess, but it felt like a better version of a Russo era Raw with the three title matches in one night. They were in a tough spot here though and they did a pretty good job so well done with this, though it’s a pretty weird one.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 1, 2007
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for No Mercy and the show is mostly together. The big story continues to be John Cena vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Title, but we also seem to have the issues between Vince McMahon and HHH. The latter of those feuds comes to a head tonight as the two of them are facing off. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Vince McMahon to get things going, with three not so high level looking wrestlers in the ring with him. Vince hypes up his main event with HHH and promises to win. We see a clip of Vince beating up HHH in various ways before Vince turns his attention to the three guys in the ring. Each one represents a different fighting style, starting with a four time All American amateur wrestler, followed by a fifth degree kempo karate black belt and finally, the Ohio sumo champion (no one seems convinced).

Vince offers to face all of them, only to have someone else do it as a preview for what is going to happen to HHH at No Mercy. Cue the returning Umaga to destroy all three of them, with Vince looking rather pleased. Umaga beats them up even more for a bonus and Vince’s happiness rises.

Jeff Hardy/Brian Kendrick/Paul London vs. Shelton Benjamin/Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

London hurricanranas Murdoch down to start and hands it off to Kendrick. That means a gutbuster from Cade to take over, with Murdoch coming back in for a splash. A dropkick gets Kendrick out of trouble though and it’s Hardy coming in to pick up the pace. Everything breaks down and the Whisper in the Wind hits Cade but Hardy gets crotched on top. London hits a very out of nowhere dive and throws Murdoch back inside for Sliced Bread from Kendrick. Hardy drops the Swanton for the pin on Cade.

Rating: C+. It was a short match but they packed a lot into there, which is more than I would have expected. Hardy, London and Kendrick seem like three guys who would work well together as the high flying trio while the other three…well they’re feuding with the good guys so it makes sense to have them here. I’m not sure how much more you can get out of Benjamin vs. Hardy though, as Hardy needs some fresh competition.

Vince McMahon comes in to see William Regal and welcomes him back before praising Regal for making Mr. Kennedy vs. John Cena for tonight’s main event. He also asks Regal for a personal favor: take care of Hornswoggle tonight. Regal reluctantly agrees as Hornswoggle pops up. Vince leaves….and Regal has already lost Hornswoggle.

Randy Orton joins us via satellite and we see him Punting John Cena’s father a few weeks ago and then hitting him with an RKO two weeks ago. Orton promises to leave Cena laying the same way at No Mercy.

Some Cleveland Indians are here. That was a good year for the team so we’ll call that an upgrade.

The Diva Search girls ran an obstacle course on the beach.

William Regal goes looking for Hornswoggle and runs into the Highlanders. They haven’t seen Hornswoggle, but Regal wants to know why they turned down a match with Paul London and Brian Kendrick. Rory explains that it’s because they only want a Tag Team Title shot, which leaves Regal continuing his Hornswoggle search.

Hardcore Holly vs. Cody Rhodes

Rematch from last week when the returning Holly beat Rhodes without much trouble. Rhodes starts fast but gets shouldered down. Back up and Rhodes grabs an armbar but gets dropkicked for two. A small package gives Rhodes two so he tries to jump over Holly in the corner, earning himself an Alabama Slam for the fast pin.

Here is Beth Phoenix for a chat and she would like Lilian Garcia to stay in the ring with her. Beth promises to win the Women’s Title on Sunday and wants Lilian to practice announcing her as the winner tonight. Lilian does, but throws in a caveat about how Phoenix has to actually win on Sunday. Phoenix literally goes for her throat but Candice Michelle runs in for the save.

SAVE_US video, now with some fresh codes, including things such as “Tron image”, “GRAND_SLAM” and “8.2.11/SAVIOR_SELF”, the latter of which is featured several times.

Vince McMahon vs. HHH

Before the match, Vince shows us a clip of HHH attacking Umaga with a chair and the sledgehammer last week to send him into a steroid suspension. HHH comes out but Vince cuts off his entrance pre-corner pose and says let’s go. Hold on though as there is no referee, so here is Carlito to be the guest referee.

Carlito does the weapons check, allowing Vince to slap HHH in the face. The bell rings and Vince immediately hides in the ropes, with Carlito covering him up. Vince bails to the floor so the chase is on, with HHH finally going around the other side to catch Vince on the floor. The Pedigree is broken up with a Backstabber so HHH hits Carlito low, which is enough for the DQ.

Post match HHH stays on Vince but here is Umaga for the fight. HHH hits a DDT, which has the expected results. A superkick sends HHH into the corner and there’s the running hip attack. Umaga stops to yell at Carlito so HHH pulls out the sledgehammer to scare Umaga off.

And now Marella At The Movies, featuring Santino Marella and Maria, though she doesn’t seem thrilled to be here. This week they are going to review The Condemned, which Maria thought was fun. Marella says it was fun if you like having your head bashed in with a mallet. He should have been the star, meaning it’s time for a clip with Santino included.

Cue Val Venis to interrupt (this seems to get Maria’s attention), but Santino doesn’t think much of Venis’ acting. He couldn’t believe what Venis did to that donkey in the Shrek based film. Venis offers Maria a spot in his next movie and the beatdown is on with Venis’ leg getting destroyed. I continue to be astounded that Venis is still employed.

John Cena doesn’t think much of the idea that THEY are saying he is going to lose to Randy Orton. It is time to talk about THEY, who know that Cena is losing and that he has changed and that Todd Grisham has naked pictures of Umaga on his phone. At No Mercy, Orton can hit him with everything from a bell to a microphone to a snow cone to a student loan but Cena will keep getting up every time. You put anyone in front of him and he will always get up and never quit, so let them talk. He’s going to beat Orton so bad that THEY are never going to forget it.

Melina vs. Mickie James

Melina wins a battle over the lockup to start and they go to the mat with Melina kicking away. Mickie fights up and hits some hard forearms but Melina kicks her in the head for two. The screaming reverse DDT is loaded up but Hornswoggle pops up from under the ring for a distraction. The freaked out Melina gets rolled up for the pin.

Post match Hornswoggle chases Melina underneath the ring and comes out with Melina’s clothes. Hornswoggle runs off, leaving Melina screaming. This was bad back then and it doesn’t hold up well here.

Post break, William Regal yells at Hornswoggle over what happened but Steve-O (from Jackass, and starring in a new upcoming USA series), comes in. Steve-O is here to find a wuss (point of his show), and the distraction lets Hornswoggle leave.

No Mercy rundown.

Steve-O comes in to see Ron Simmons, suggesting that he can make Simmons be less of a wuss. Simmons literally throws him out and hits the catchphrase.

John Cena vs. Mr. Kennedy

Non-title. Before the match, Kennedy talks about how he is going to make a statement by beating Cena. Kennedy grabs a headlock to start and then shoulders him down but Cena is back up with a hiptoss. The armbar goes on but Kennedy gets up, only to get driven into the corner. Kennedy fights out of the corner and punches Cena down before taking him outside for a whip into the steps. We take a break and come back with Kennedy grabbing a chinlock to keep Cena in trouble. Cena fights up and grabs a suplex, setting p the STFU for the very fast tap.

Rating: C. The ending was very quick and there is a reason for that. Cena tore his pectoral muscle when he gave Kennedy the hiptoss, making this a one on one match. There is only so much that can be done when you’re wrestling with one arm and while Cena did what he could, the match wasn’t very good as a result. Kennedy carried it as well as he could, even with the very sudden finish.

Post match Randy Orton runs in, apparently guilty of satellite fraud, and lays out Cena. The steps to the face set up an RKO onto the announcers’ table, with Orton counting to ten as Cena is out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This show was the big final push towards no Mercy and it only went so well. The biggest problem is that Orton vs. Cena has been set up for several weeks now and there is only so much that they can get out of one more week of building. The HHH vs. Umaga match had to get a last second build and that worked fine, as the match was already set up a month ago. The rest of the show was only ok, though the Cena situation is going to cause some problems.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 24, 2007
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re on the way to No Mercy and the main event of John Cena defending the WWE Title against Randy Orton in a Last Man Standing match. That alone should be enough to carry the Raw side of the show but there is still time to fill in on the card. Maybe we can fill in some more of that this week, along with more Hornswoggle shenanigans. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Coach is in the ring, with security guards around him, and we see a recap of the recant issues between John Cena and Randy Orton. This includes last week, with Orton attacking John Cena’s father to end the show. As a result, Coach has suspended Orton indefinitely, but Coach isn’t going to let Cena take his rage out on everyone else. Coach brings out Vince McMahon, who talks about how everyone needs to show respect.

This includes HHH, who tried to embarrass him last week with a bunch of leprechaun jokes. Tonight, Vince is going to get that revenge as HHH faces Carlito inside a cage. Actually we’ll make it even bigger, as Vince himself will be Carlito’s partner. With that out of the way, Vince invites Hornswoggle to join them in the ring. Vince didn’t mean a bunch of the things he said last week and hopes that Hornswoggle loves him instead of wanting his money. Hornswoggle says he loves Vince and they share a big hug. Things seem to be going well and Vince even has a woman who would like to meet him.

Cue Melina in a green dress to say Hornswoggle (who is looking very nervous) is very cute. She asks “Horny” if he would like to get to know her so Hornswoggle jumps on her. Vince tells them to go have a beer and a good night (Vince: “Always use protection.”). With the two of them gone, Coach asks Vince if he can keep being General Manager when William Regal comes back next week but here is a ticked off John Cena to interrupt. Security comes in so Cena goes after Vince and Coach, with the bosses escaping. Vince says Cena’s title reign is in Coach’s hands.

Hardcore Holly vs. Cody Rhodes

This is Holly’s return after several months away. Before the match, Holly says Cody sounds like he belongs in a boy band instead of in a ring. Holly knocks him down without much trouble to start but Cody says hit him in the face. A sunset flip gives Cody two but Holly chops him in the corner. Cody snaps off a Russian legsweep for two and a dropkick keeps him in trouble. Something off the top rope misses though and the Alabama Slam gives Holly the pin.

Rating: C-. Short and to the point here as Holly beat Rhodes up without much effort, but Rhodes was trying as always. Holly’s return was treated as a big deal and I could see him going a little somewhere in the midcard. Rhodes losing is a bit weird after he had been on a winning streak, but at least it feels like he has a bit more experience now and isn’t just skating on his family history.

Post match, Holly shakes his head down at Rhodes.

We recap the John Cena/Coach situation.

Randy Orton joins us via satellite and calls Cena a phony. Cena knew he was in trouble at Unforgiven so he got himself disqualified. Maybe Cena’s dad just lives off of Cena, but Orton is a professional wrestler. Last week Orton took out Cena’s dad and now he’s going to be ready to take the title from Cena in the Last Man Standing match at No Mercy.

Santino Marella vs. Ron Simmons

Maria is here with Santino and we get the first mention of Teddy Long’s apparent heart attack on Smackdown. No update or anything, but it was mentioned. Simmons hammers him in the face to start so Santino bails out to the floor. The chase lets Santino catch him on the way back in and stomp away, setting up a reverse chinlock. Simmons fights up but the threat of a powerslam sends Marella bailing to the floor again, this time for the countout.

Rating: D. This was about what you would expect as neither of them was exactly on fire here. Simmons was long retired at this point and did little more than punch in between Marella’s running away. That’s about what the match should have been, and it would have been hard to accept the idea of Santino beating Simmons, even at this age.

Post match, Simmons hits the catchphrase.

The Diva Search girls had a limbo contest. Next week: the obstacle course.

Jillian Hall comes up to Melina in the back and asks where Hornswoggle is. Melina seems ok with going on a date with him before revealing that she’s only doing this for a shot at the Women’s Title. She’s off to take a shower.

The Highlanders ask Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch for a Tag Team Title shot with any stipulation the champs want. Then they pull up their kilts, much to the champions’ disgust.

The cage is lowered.

Carlito/Vince McMahon vs. HHH

Inside a cage. HHH punches Carlito down and pulls Vince off the cage wall. More right hands drop Carlito again and Vince gets pulled back through the door as well. HHH crotches Vince on top so Carlito hits HHH low and sends him into the cage. We take a break and come back with HHH throwing Carlito at Vince to drive him into the cage. Carlito has to save Vince from a Pedigree with a Backstabber so Vince goes up. HHH cuts off Carlito but Vince is able to escape for the win.

Rating: D+. They didn’t exactly burn the house down here as this was much more about giving us something to keep Vince vs. HHH going. Vince was added to the match out of nowhere, though that might be due to WWE realizing that Carlito vs. HHH isn’t exactly interesting. The match was nothing to see, though they didn’t stay on it for very long.

Post match Vince leaves but Carlito is left alone with HHH. Some rams into the cage set up a spinebuster and the Pedigree onto the chair leaves Carlito laying.

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick

Non-title, joined in progress and with the Highlanders at ringside. Cade hits a backbreaker on London so Murdoch can come in with an ax handle. The abdominal stretch doesn’t last long as London gets over to Kendrick. House is cleaned and a quick Sliced Bread….draws in the Highlanders to jump Kendrick for the DQ.

Post match the big beatdown is on as London and Kendrick are left laying.

Hornswoggle spies on Melina in the shower, then chases her around backstage and steals her towel. This freaks Melina out, but she didn’t seem to mind showering in front of a camera.

Ad for the Condemned, complete with Santino Marella saying he isn’t impressed with Steve Austin’s acting.

HHH comes up to Vince McMahon in the back and challenges him to a one on one match. Vince: “You’re on.” HHH: “And you’re screwed.”

Jeff Hardy/Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix/Shelton Benjamin

Milwaukee is the hometown girl. Benjamin takes Hardy into the corner to start but some shots to the face stagger Benjamin for a change. A mule kick sends Benjamin outside and Candice takes out Beth, leaving Hardy to hit a big dive to the floor. We take a break and come back with Beth working on a seated full nelson but Candice fights up (to a heck of a reaction).

The hot tag brings in Hardy for a Whisper in the Wind (with Lawler having to correct JR on the name). Benjamin powerbombs him down though and we hit a chinlock with a knee in Hardy’s back. A backbreaker gives Benjamin two but Hardy is back up with a crossbody. It’s back to the women, with a jawbreaker sending Beth into the corner. Candice plays Jeff in Poetry in Motion but Beth is back up with the fisherman’s buster for the pin.

Rating: C-. Well so much for the crowd being happy. It should set up a title rematch between Candice and Beth, which almost has to wrap up Candice’s title reign once and for all. The match was short enough and to the point, though Hardy and Benjamin were little more than extra players for the women’s stuff.

Coach has a press conference, suggesting that John Cena is about to be stripped of the title. Also, Randy Orton has been suspended for twenty four hours, because anyone could do what Orton did to Cena’s dad.

And now, for something new: a blue Matrix style video, with the words SAVE_US.222 popping up. Commentary doesn’t reference it, as I’m sure this won’t mean anything.

Coach is in the ring with security around him and a bunch of photographers on the floor. He orders Cena out here and after a bit, here is Cena, wearing the title for a change. Coach brings up Cena’s dad getting beaten up last week and now he wants Cena to BEG to keep his title. Cena’s shirt comes off and Coach’s jacket does too, with Coach issuing threats from the security. Hold on though as the bell rings and Lilian Garcia has a ruling from Mr. McMahon: Cena is still champion and will get to face Coach in a tables match RIGHT NOW!

John Cena vs. Jonathan Coachman

Non-title and Cena punches him down, grabs the STFU, and hits the FU through a table for the fast win.

Post match Hornswoggle comes out on the stage. Cena: “Thank you Mr. McMahon.” Ok that was clever.

Overall Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one as other than a few nice moments, there was nothing to cheer. Hornsowggle’s bit at the end was good, but it’s the same one who spied on Melina in the shower and then chased her around the arena. Other than that, there was some lame wrestling and little more than another week of filler on the way to another Orton vs. Cena title match. Not a good show, but maybe the returning stars will help them next week.

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Unforgiven 2007
Date: September 16, 2007
Location: FedEx Forum, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Layfield, Joey Styles, Taz

We’re in that weird period where we have a lot of Summerslam rematches and some of them are a bit more interesting than others. There are a few interesting possibilities though, as Undertaker is returning to face Mark Henry and Randy Orton is getting another WWE Title shot at a furious John Cena. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at Undertaker returning, although this one is a bit more intense and detailed. This time Undertaker is shown in the middle of a desert standing on a mountain (or close enough). And nothing else is happening on the show apparently.

ECW World Title: CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

Punk is defending and we see a recap of him taking the title from John Morrison. Then Morrison got busted in the steroids scandal so here is Burke challenging instead. Burke getting a jobber’s entrance should tell you all you need to know about this one. They fight over a lockup to start with neither getting anywhere early on. Now it’s to the mat, where Burke has to bail to the ropes to escape a cross armbreaker.

Back up and Burke starts elbowing at the head, only to get kicked right back down. Kicks to the legs and back keep Burke in trouble but he pulls Punk down out of the corner to take over. We hit a double arm crank until Punk mule kicks his way to freedom. The running knee in the corner sets up the springboard clothesline for two so Burke bails outside. Punk tries to go after him but gets pulled down for a crash (and a loud thud).

Back in and a running forearm to Punk’s back gets two and we hit the Boston crab. A screaming Punk makes it over to the rope for the break so Burke rolls some German suplexes. An STO gives Burke two and it’s off to something like what Rhea Ripley would dub the Prism Trap (minus the swinging around). Punk slips out and hits an enziguri, only to get punched in the head for two. Burke slaps him in the face on the mat a few times, only to get rolled up for the fast pin.

Rating: C+. Points for the quick and surprise ending there as that’s a nice thing to see for a change. There was almost zero doubt about the winner here and that doesn’t make for the best result. Burke had to be reheated after his feud with Punk was over about a month and a half ago but what else were they going to be able to do here? The ECW roster is rather weak at the moment and with Morrison gone, this is about as good as they could have done.

We look at the saga of Matt Hardy vs. MVP, which eventually saw them being forced to team up. Then they won the Tag Team Titles, which they have to defend tonight.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: MVP/Matt Hardy vs. Deuce N Domino

MVP/Hardy are defending and the challengers have Cherry with them. Matt and Domino look to start but MVP tags himself in to grab a wristlock instead. There’s a slam to put Domino in and MVP tags out via a slap to Matt’s chest. Hardy hits a neckbreaker on Deuce and brings MVP back in, allowing Deuce to take over in the corner.

MVP jumping bulldogs his way out of trouble and mocks Matt’s screaming elbow, allowing Deuce to get back up. Matt tags himself back in and teases his own Ballin. MVP snaps so Domino uses the distraction to come in and clean house. The chinlock doesn’t last long but an elbow to the face gives Deuce two. Something like a seated abdominal stretch goes on but he fights up and scores with the Side Effect.

That’s still not enough for the tag though as Domino knocks MVP off the apron and grabs another chinlock. MVP walks out, leaving Hardy to kick out of a suplex/high crossbody combination. Now MVP gets back on the apron as Matt hits a double clothesline. Another slap brings in MVP, who takes his time coming in to clean house. Ballin connects but Matt tags himself in and hits the Twist of Fate to retain instead.

Rating: C. This was much more about storytelling than the wrestling and in this case, that’s ok. The Matt/MVP story isn’t about the tag team stuff, which is little more than a way to keep things going until we get to the big showdown. The good side though is that the tag stuff has wound up being entertaining anyway so nothing has gotten boring yet. Totally fine match, but Deuce N Domino could have been anyone.

Matt celebrates with all three titles, just to rub it in to MVP.

Rey Mysterio acknowledges that he is not at 100% coming into tonight’s triple threat title match but he’s going to give it his all. He overcomes the odds and will do it again to win the title, just like he did last year.

HHH vs. Carlito

Only HHH can get disqualified. HHH elbows him to the floor to start and then punches away back inside. Carlito gets knocked outside again so let’s bring in a trashcan. Instead, HHH clotheslines him right back to the floor, this time following with a drive into the barricade. Back in and some elbows to the back keep Carlito in trouble, with a backbreaker making it worse. We hit the abdominal stretch as you don’t often get to see HHH picking someone apart like this.

HHH even grabs a rope, then switches to the hair when the referee goes to check. The hair finally gets him caught and the referee breaks it, earning himself some booing. They head outside again with Carlito being thrown over the announcers’ table but coming back with a bell shot to take over.

Back in and Carlito chokes away with a cable before switching to a different form of choking. The apple is loaded up but HHH Punches it out of his mouth. You don’t do that to Carlito, who pounds away with the trashcan for two more, leaving JR to wonder what kind of an apple Carlito had. A belly to back suplex onto the trashcan gets two so Carlito loads a fresh trashcan into the corner.

That takes way too long though and HHH hits a clothesline. There’s the jumping knee into the facebuster for two and HHH hammers away in the corner. Carlito finds some powder to blind HHH but a chair shot is countered into a spinebuster. The referee has to take a chair away from HHH, so it’s a low blow behind the referee’s back, setting up the Pedigree to give HHH the pin.

Rating: C+. This was about as good as you were going to get out of Carlito vs. HHH, as Carlito has never been anything resembling a threat at this level. Even stacking the deck against HHH didn’t make this a tough one, as HHH cut him apart and then won in the end. That being said, there is something fun about HHH beating Carlito down and then cheating ala Ric Flair to win in the end. Not a dramatic match, but it was fun.

Batista hits on Maria and then promises to win the World Title because the time for talking is over.

Video on Beth Phoenix wrecking everyone on her way to Candice Michelle and the Women’s Title.

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle

Michelle is defending and grabs a headlock to start. Phoenix isn’t having that and lifts her into the air by the arm. A wristdrag takes Phoenix down but she knocks Candice into the corner without much effort. The double arm crank goes on as Phoenix doesn’t exactly seem to think much of Phoenix.

An over the shoulder backbreaker has Candice in more trouble but she slips out and forearms away. That earns her a hard drive into the corner though and a gorilla press gives Phoenix two. Another backbreaker is loaded up but Candice reverses into a crucifix for the fast pin to retain the title.

Rating: C-. They were trying here but it was a glorified squash until Candice stole a win to retain the title. The good thing is that it sets up a rematch and it is hard to imagine that Phoenix doesn’t pick up the title in the second match. Candice is absolutely trying though and the match was more boring than bad, which is a step up from some of the stereotypical Divas matches.

Great Khali is ready to crush people and retain the title. He even demonstrates the Vice Grip on a some melons, one of which has a Rey Mysterio match applied.

We recap Great Khali defending the Smackdown World Title against Rey Mysterio and Batista. Khali is the unstoppable monster and the odd friends are going to try and get the title off of him. It is probably time for a title change, but Khali retaining, just because of WWE’s love of monsters, wouldn’t be shocking either.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Great Khali

Khali is defending and has to fight off both of them at once. Rey is sent outside, leaving Batista to get stomped down in the corner. That’s broken up and Batista hits the shoulders to the ribs until Rey comes back in. More double teaming is teased but Rey rolls Batista up for a surprise two. A springboard seated senton drops Batista but Khali kicks Rey in the face.

Batista blocks the Vice Grip for a bit before Khali manages to get it on. Rey’s chair to the back breaks it up, earning himself a punch to the face. Batista is sent outside, leaving Khali to get stomped down in the corner. Rey manages to fight out of a nerve hold but gets kicked in the face. The Vice Grip is loaded up again but Batista makes the save and ties Khali in the ropes. Rey is right there with a quick 619 to Batista and another to Khali. Batista powerbombs Rey onto Khali though and the spinebuster is enough to finish Khali to give Batista the title back.

Rating: C. This was about as good as it was going to get as it was basically Batista and Rey taking their turns against Khali, who could only do so much. The good thing is they did what they could and it could have been a lot worse. Batista getting the title back is one of the better ideas, as he can keep it warm until they get on to the next thing while still feeling like a big deal in his own right.

Batista celebrates for a long time.

Long recap of Hornswoggle being revealed as Mr. McMahon’s son.

HHH congratulates Batista on winning the title but reminds him how hard it is to keep it.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

London and Kendrick are challenging. Kendrick and Cade start things off with Kendrick grabbing a hammerlock. A hiptoss gets Cade out of trouble and he puts on a headlock to slow Kendrick down. Murdoch comes in and gets armdragged into an armbar, allowing London to hit a top rope elbow to the arm. There’s a top rope stomp to the arm, setting up a slingshot kick to Murdoch’s face to give London two.

Everything breaks down for a bit and the champs are knocked outside, setting up stereo dives. Back in and Murdoch knocks Kendrick off the apron for a hard crash. That’s good for two back inside and Murdoch sends him into the corner to give Cade his own near fall. Something like a middle rope powerslam plants Kendrick for two more, with London having to make the save.

The neck crank goes on to keep Kendrick down until he slips out, as you might have guessed because it was a neck crank. Cade charges into a raised boot in the corner so Murdoch goes up, only to try an ax handle to a downed Kendrick. Since that move is only designed to have Kendrick raise his boots to knock Murdoch out of the air, he raises his boots to knock Murdoch out of the air.

The hot tag brings in London to clean house, including a springboard double stomp to Cade’s back. A standing shooting star press gives London two and Kendrick’s high crossbody gets the same. Murdoch kicks Kendrick in the face for two more as everything breaks down. Sliced Bread is countered and Cade’s sitout spinebuster finishes Kendrick to retain the titles.

Rating: C+. These teams work well together and they got to do it again here, which was nice to see on the bigger stage. Brawlers (or however you describe Cade/Murdoch) vs. fast high fliers will work every time and that was the case again here. The match might not have been a classic, but it was a fine way to use some pay per view time (and almost the most given to any match on the show).

We recap John Cena vs. Randy Orton for Cena’s Raw World Title. Cena retained the title at Summerslam so Orton Punted Cena’s dad in the head, sending Cena into a rage. And a rematch.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Cena is defending and his dad is in the front row. They stare each other down and then slug away in the middle of the ring with Cena getting the better of things (shocking). Orton gets sent hard into the corner and they head outside with Cena standing on his head. Cena’s dad continues to have the angriest glare on his face as Cena takes it back inside to keep up the beating.

Orton catches him with an uppercut for a breather and there’s the hanging DDT for two. A sleeper goes on but Orton reverts to form and switches it into a chinlock. Cena actually has to power out and starts hammering away in the corner, eventually shoving the referee for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Well that was kind of lame, as this seemed to be more of a match to bridge us between the first match and the big blowoff instead of something that actually mattered. It wasn’t even eight minutes long and a good chunk of that was spent in a chinlock. Cena being angry and wanting to hurt Orton makes sense, but this felt like it should have been a run of the mill Raw main event rather than a pay per view title match.

Post match Cena goes after him again but gets his neck snapped across the top. Cena’s dad tries to make the save but gets beaten down again, drawing out Cena for the save. Cena grabs the STF so Cena’s dad can add a Punt of his own. That worked, even if the kick was kind of (understandably) terrible.

In the back, Coach yells at John Cena’s dad and makes Cena vs. Randy Orton III in a Last Man Standing match. Cena runs in to grab Coach by the lapels and say you don’t mess with family before throwing him down.

We recap Mark Henry vs. Undertaker. Henry attacked Henry and put him out of action a few months ago, meaning it is time for revenge. And pain.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Henry wants Undertaker out here, which triggers the big intro, complete with gong. The set even falls down to reveal Undertaker’s symbol, which catches on fire. Undertaker rises up and yeah this is going to hurt. Henry backs up from the staredown and Undertaker starts punching away at the bell. A charge is pulled out of the air though and Henry drives him into the corner.

Undertaker headbutts his way out of trouble but Old School is broken up. Instead it’s a superplex to bring Undertaker crashing back down but he doesn’t take kindly to being kicked in the face. A clothesline knocks Henry outside and Undertaker punches him up against the barricade. Undertaker stops to glare at the referee though, allowing Henry to hit what might have been a low blow.

Back in and a splash gives Henry two, followed by a second for two more. The third misses though, meaning it’s time for the slugout. Undertaker tries what looks to be a Downward Spiral but it gets countered into something like an STO (or Henry didn’t know how to take it). There’s another splash (ok we get the idea) but this time Undertaker sits up when Henry doesn’t cover.

Some charges in the corner set up Old School and the chokeslam drops Henry for another two. Henry cuts off a charge with a bearhug so Undertaker grabs him by the throat. That’s countered with a drive into the corner so Henry can rain down right hands. Since Henry has apparently not watched an Undertaker match in the last seven years or so, he earns the Last Ride out of the corner to give Undertaker the pin.

Rating: C+. I can go for Undertaker throwing people around and that Last Ride looked pretty awesome, as Henry pretty much crashed down from the ropes. Undertaker was going to win here, but it was about bringing him back and putting him straight into the main event scene again. Good enough power brawl, even if it wasn’t about the drama over the results.

Undertaker signals that he wants the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. It says a lot that it felt like nothing happened here despite the World Title changing hands. The wrestling was decent enough, though nothing is worth watching and some of the matches are forgettable just a little bit after the show ended. The show isn’t bad and there are some completely watchable parts, but it is the most skippable show I can remember in a very long time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 17, 2007
Location: Sommet Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with the waste of time that was Unforgiven and now it is time to start getting ready for No Mercy. Last night’s show was so important that they have already announced the main event for next month’s pay per view. John Cena got disqualified against Randy Orton, so it’s time for a Last Man Standing match for Cena’s title. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of John Cena vs. Randy Orton, with Cena snapping over Orton attacking Cena’s father.

Here is John Cena to get things going. Cena knows he hasn’t been himself lately and he wants to say he is sorry. Tonight he is better though and he feels FABULOUS. It feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders because he lost to Randy Orton! Last night his dad had the guts to show up and make him the proudest son in the world. Orton is stupid enough to think this is over and want a rematch. Then there is Coach, who made it even worse for Orton by giving him a Last Man Standing match at No Mercy.

That means no rules, no pinfalls and no disqualifications, so what he did last night is perfectly legal. At No Mercy, he is going through Orton like a hot knife through butter….but here is Coach to interrupt. Coach says that Cena should be glad he still has a job after last night, so tonight it’s payback time. Tonight it’s Orton vs. Cena, which works rather well for the champ. Hold on though, because Coach didn’t mean this Cena, but rather Cena’s dad, who can either have the match or have Cena stripped of the title.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

Hardy is defending and gets caught in a northern lights suplex just after the bell. An atomic drop sets up the legdrop between the legs to put Benjamin down though and Hardy takes over. There’s an armdrag into an armbar and they fight over a top wristlock. A backdrop puts Benjamin on the apron and there’s a kick to the chest to put him outside. Hardy hits the required dive to take Benjamin down again and we take a break.

Back with Benjamin working on a neck crank (with the replay showing Hardy missing the Whisper in the Wind and getting kicked in the head) before pounding away in the corner. A neckbreaker gives Benjamin two and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up as well and it’s a double clothesline for a double knockdown. Now the Whisper in the Wind can work but Benjamin grabs a backbreaker for two more. A reverse DDT gets the same so Benjamin puts him on top, only to get shoved down. The Swanton retains Jeff’s title.

Rating: C+. You knew these two were going to be able to have a good match with each other due to pure talent and it was a completely fine TV title defense for Hardy. It’s a way to get Hardy back on track after he got squashed by Khali last week so this was about as fine of a way as he had to be back to normal again.

The Diva Search finalists play beach volleyball. I think you get the idea here. In case you didn’t, there is a limbo competition on WWE.com.

Coach joins an annoyed Vince McMahon in his limo to try and calm him down. Vince is annoyed about Hornswoggle….who is in the limo also, eating Lucky Charms and restrained by tape because he’s an infant. How we didn’t hear Hornswoggle until the camera was on him is not clear, but Coach takes him inside (biting ensues).

John Cena tries to talk his dad out of wrestling tonight but Cena’s dad insists on doing it.

Santino knocks on the Divas locker room door, looking for Maria, but finding Jillian Hall instead. Maria wanted to see the Condemned, even though Steve Austin’s performance was worse than Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards. Jillian: “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!” Santino wants to impress Maria so Jillian suggests a country duet together (Nashville and all). She starts a little Achy Breaky Heart and Santino agrees to save his ears. Don’t worry either, as he has another idea.

Vince McMahon is still yelling at Coach but they hear Irish music coming from Vince’s office. The office is now filled with green balloons and shamrocks, plus piles of Lucky Charms. Vince: “THIS IS ON YOU!” Hornswoggle pops up so Coach chases him off as a unicorn pops up to scare Vince.

Jim Duggan vs. Daivari

Flag match because reasons. Daivari goes for the flag to start but gets pulled back down. They take turns pulling the others to the mat until Daivari gets crotched on top. Duggan punches him down, then sends him into the post and pulls down the flag for the win.

Cody Rhodes volunteers to take John Cena’s dad’s place against Randy Orton but Coach turns him down. John Cena comes in and threatens Coach, who gives Cena a match tonight. If Cena wins, his dad is off the hook, but if not, the match is still on.

Here is Vince McMahon for a chat. As you might have seen last week, he has indeed fathered a son in Hornswoggle, who comes out doing a jig. Vince kneels down next to Hornswoggle and says that when he dies, Hornswoggle will get a lot of money. Hornswoggle: “Money money!” Vince has some papers with him tonight….because he is putting Hornswoggle up for adoption!

Cue a couple (Ed and Alice Koskey) with their attorney but Hornswoggle hugs Vince. That doesn’t sit well with the boss, so Hornswoggle pulls down Ed’s pants and bites the back of Alice’s dress. The Koskeys run off so Vince gets serious and tells him to get away from him. Vince throws him out and the fans are not happy with him. He insists that anyone here would have done the same thing but here is HHH to interrupt.

HHH takes credit for decorating Vince’s office earlier, which was difficult because it’s hard to find a unicorn around here. He knew Vince had slept with some trolls, but he didn’t know about elves, fairies and hobgoblins. Vince: “I’VE NEVER SLEPT WITH FAIRIES!” HHH: “That’s not what I read on the internet.” HHH thinks the Genetic Jackhammer had too much genetic Jack Daniels and now he’s a genetic jackass.

It isn’t surprising though, because he is short tempered, short sighted and a certain part of him is microscopic. Vince: “Are you finished?” HHH: “That’s the same thing Hornswoggle’s mom asked you the night you slipped her the shillelagh.” Just between them, did they do it on the Yellow Brick Road? Vince is livid, but one more question: was she magically delicious? Vince puts him in a match right now, which I believe had been mentioned earlier.

HHH vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Non-title. Joined in progress with HHH clotheslining them down as Carlito comes out to watch. We settle down to Cade hitting a neckbreaker for two as we’ll be having tags in this one. Murdoch comes in and pounds away in the corner, setting up a Blockbuster for two. Cade grabs the neck crank before switching to a leg lariat for two. HHH fights up without much trouble though, knocks Murdoch off the apron, and finishes Cade with the spinebuster.

Rating: C-. I know it’s HHH, but beating the Tag Team Champions on your own so quickly isn’t exactly the easiest thing to see. It would be nice if there were some other villains who could have taken this spot but that isn’t how the tag team division works. This was about having HHH break a sweat before we get to continue the epic HHH vs. Carlito feud. I’m sure there are twelve people out there who want to see it keep going.

Post match Carlito, Cade and Murdoch stomp HHH down but Paul London and Brian Kendrick make the save. Cade and Murdoch leave so Carlito gets Pedigreed. HHH isn’t sure what to think….and Pedigrees both of them.

Candice Michelle/Mickie James vs. Melina/Jillian Hall

Beth Phoenix is at ringside. Mickie and Melina lock up to start until a neckbreaker takes Melina down. Jillian shoves Mickie off the top though and gets to come in to toss Mickie down by the hair. That’s about it for Mickie being in trouble though and she gets over for the tag off to Candice. House is cleaned and the Candy Wrapper finishes Jillian in short order.

Post match Beth Phoenix comes in to glare at Candice.

The Condemned is on DVD tomorrow.

Vince McMahon is leaving and recaps the night, with Coach saying no one has seen Hornswoggle since Vince yelled at him. With that, Vince gets in his limo to leave, with Hornswoggle popping out of the trunk.

John Cena vs. ???

Non-title and if Cena wins, his dad is out of the match with Randy Orton. The opponent is….Santino Marella, which has Cena wondering if this is serious. So Santino is doing this to impress Maria, but Coach agreed to it? Cena initiates the finishing sequence and hits the Shuffle but Randy Orton runs in to jump Cena for the DQ.

Post match Orton handcuffs him to the ropes. Cue Coach to say that the match is still on, because Cena had to win the match by pinfall. That feels like a quick correction for Orton hitting the wrong person.

Randy Orton vs. Mr. Cena

For reasons I don’t want to fathom, Orton went backstage during the break and does a full entrance here. John Cena is still on the floor and handcuffed to the bottom rope. The bell rings so Orton knocks him down and starts the stomping while looking down at Cena on the floor. The beating continues until Cody Rhodes runs in for the DQ.

Post match Orton sends Rhodes into the steps and RKO’s Mr. Cena. With his dad down, Cena unhooks the turnbuckle to escape and chases Orton off to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Outside of Vince now having a son and interacting with him, this felt like a show where almost nothing changed. Cena still wants to wreck Orton for what he did to his dad, HHH is still tormenting Vince and….what else is there here? It isn’t a bad show, but it seems like everything is in a holding pattern until everyone gets back from their suspensions. Understandable, but it isn’t making things easy to watch.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 10, 2007
Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Attendance: 5,800
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s time for the big reveal as this week will see the reveal of Vince McMahon’s illegitimate son. This is the kind of story that feels like it should be a huge moment, with Mr. Kennedy feeling like the likely surprise, but that pesky steroids suspension seems to be throwing a wrench into the plans. That should open up a new door too, so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We’re starting fast because here is Vince McMahon, with Coach, to get things going. Vince recaps the story, saying that he has an illegitimate son and that he is a “WWO” (Vince: “Let me try that again.”) superstar. Vince blames the mother for causing all of these problems before informing the fans that Coach DOES NOT suck. The only thing that makes Vince feel better is that his son isn’t from Green Bay, like Mr. Kennedy, who is on the current WWE Magazine. Vince happens to have a copy, which he has Coach rip up.

Enough of that though, as Vince wants to know who his son is, which brings out Great Khali. Runjin Singh translates for Great Khali, who said that “things are looking up” must mean him and he would be proud to be called The Great McMahon. Cue JBL to interrupt to talk about how he and Vince both love money. JBL: “Put Big Gulp on a leash.” Even in this market, he can guarantee and things are looking up. Vince owns wrestling and JBL is a wrestling god. They even go to the same barber!

He would love to be John Bradshaw McMahon but here is Jeff Hardy to interrupt this time. Coach: “What are you doing out here?” Jeff: “I’m not really sure.” Jeff thinks “things are looking up” might mean him diving off the ladder, but he certainly hopes he isn’t the son. JBL yells about Hardy and Khali’s hair, but here is Mr. Johnson, the son’s mother’s lawyer.

Vince goes into a rant about how much he hates attorneys before being told his son will be revealed at some point tonight. For now, the only thing Johnson will reveal is that Vince’s son is NOT Jeff Hardy. Jeff: “PRAISE THE LORD YEAH!” That celebration earns Jeff a singles match with Great Khali later tonight.

We see some photos of the South African tour, including Paul London and Brian Kendrick winning the Tag Team Titles from Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch, only to lose them back three days later.

Paul London vs. Lance Cade

Brian Kendrick and Trevor Murdoch are here too. Cade headlocks him down to start so London pops up with a hurricanrana. A belly to back suplex drops London right back down and we hit the neck crank. That doesn’t last long either as London is up with a springboard missile dropkick. Murdoch tries to offer a distraction….but it lets Kendrick come in for Sliced Bread. London adds the running shooting star press for the fast pin.

Rating: C. They kept this moving and it was a way to bridge the feud to Sunday. I like the title switches on the tour as it gave this feud a bit of life, as otherwise it was just London and Kendrick getting another title shot. You can only get so far when there is no chance of a title switch and now they gave the thing a bit more interest.

We recap Randy Orton attacking John Cena’s dad two weeks ago, sending Cena over the edge with an attack on William Regal last week. As a result, Cena is barred from the building this week.

Coach tells Vince McMahon that William Regal is doing better but has a lot of recovering to do. As a result, Coach has banned John Cena from the building tonight, which Vince doesn’t like. Coach has another idea though, as he brings in the man who the fans have voted as the second most likely star to be Vince’s son: Stevie Richards! Vince cracks up laughing and sends Stevie away before asking Coach who was #1 in the audience vote. That would be HHH, which doesn’t sit well with Vince.

We look back at HHH beating up Carlito and REALLY beating up Umaga.

Carlito is ready to destroy HHH on Sunday at Unforgiven. As for tonight, Carlito is full of surprises.

HHH vs. Shelton Benjamin

Carlito is at ringside. HHH wins an early slugout and sends him shoulder first into the post. It works so well that HHH does it again before throwing Shelton into Carlito. We take a break and come back with HHH fighting out of a chinlock but getting DDTed for two. The chinlock goes on again so HHH fights up again, only to get caught with the spinning clothesline from the top. HHH’s standing clothesline connects to put both of them down for a breather. Back up and HHH hits a spinebuster, setting up the Pedigree for the pin.

Rating: C. This was more like the old school Benjamin and that is a very good thing to see. It’s great to have him showing off his offense and he looked like his old self here. That being said, he was little more than cannon fodder for HHH, which isn’t a big surprise. Nice match here, as HHH continues to get back to normal.

Post match Carlito goes after HHH but gets cut off. Cue Coach to say Vince McMahon is sick of HHH being disrespectful. Therefore, Carlito vs. HHH at Unforgiven is now No DQ….for Carlito only.

A car arrives and since it isn’t John Cena’s, he can roll right in.

Here is Randy Orton, with security, for a chat. Orton knows John Cena is watching at home, maybe with his dad. If that is the case, he needs to turn the volume down because his dad’s head must be throbbing. This Sunday at Unforgiven, it is one year since Cena won the WWE Title. Orton is in Cena’s head though and he is going to use that opening to take Cena down. Cue Cena through the crowd to get his hands on Orton but security holds him back so Orton can escape.

In the back, Vince McMahon yells at Coach for not keeping Cena out. Cue security, who still can’t hold Cena back. Cena gets in Vince’s face and says, as a man, that he knows what is happening to Orton at Unforgiven. Orton is going to feel pain and vengeance in his bones for Cena’s father. That is something even Vince can understand, and with that, Cena leaves.

Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall

Candice Michelle is on commentary. Mickie flips out of an early snapmare attempt but gets whipped into the corner. That means a handspring elbow connects to give Jillian two as Candice talks about facing Beth Phoenix. Jillian pulls her down hard out of the corner and seems to rub Mickie’s face into her chest. Apparently it wakes Mickie up enough to kick Jillian in the head for the pin.

Post match Beth Phoenix runs in to take both of them out so Candice runs in for the failed save attempt.

Sandman vs. Santino Marella

Before the match, Santino mourns the loss of Luciano Pavarotti, but at least he passed away before he had to see Steve Austin in the Condemned. Santino doesn’t understand this lack of culture but Sandman’s entrance cuts him off. Once Sandman gets rid of the kendo stick, Santino starts pounding him down and goes after the leg. A splash hits raised knees though and Sandman knocks him outside. That means a big dive (there’s a surprise) from Sandman but Marella uses the kendo stick for the DQ.

Post match Santino tries to break the stick over his own knee but hurts himself. Sandman gets the cage to chase him off.

Post break Maria is talking to Ron Simmons about Santino being so different lately. She thinks they might need to split up but here is Santino to jump Simmons. Santino even does Simmons’ catchphrase, which should signal his doom.

The Diva Search is coming back. Great. We get the first look at the finalists, including Eve Torres, Taryn Terrell and Lena Yada.

Unforgiven rundown.

Great Khali vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title. Khali throws him into the corner to start for the elbow to the face. The Whisper in the Wind is knocked away and Khali hits a big boot. The Vice Grip finishes Hardy in a hurry. Your Intercontinental Champion everyone.

Post match here is Batista to spear Khali down without much effort.

Here are Vince McMahon and Coach for the big reveal, with the male roster surrounding the ring as well. HHH comes out last and Vince isn’t exactly pleased. Vince knows that one of these men is his son and wants to know who gets to be a McMahon. He wants to know who it is right now but here is Mr. Johnson on the Titantron. In accordance with his client’s wishes, he is going to eliminate some of the possible names.

First up, the son is not extreme, meaning ECW is out. Vince: “Thank God it’s not Balls Mahoney.” The son also has a fondness for gold, meaning he is a current or former champion. Next up is that the son’s skin is fair, which Vince (rather rapidly) points out means he is Caucasian. Vince has everyone left get in the ring, as he is told that the son’s hair is fair as well.

That leaves us with Sandman, JBL, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch and HHH, though the fans want Kennedy (not here). Vince shoots that down before giving us the next clue: “Individual.” That takes Vince some time to figure out but it means he isn’t a tag wrestler. The final clue: the son loves to play the game.

That seems to leave HHH, who isn’t happy either. Vince says this isn’t right, with Johnson agreeing. The son loves to play games, such as hide and seek or marbles….because it’s HORNSWOGGLE! HHH nearly falls over in laughter as Hornswoggle pops out, grabs Vince’s leg, and puts his hat on Vince’s head to end the show.

So there’s your big reveal. After several weeks, we get Hornswoggle as the big gag blowoff, which was disappointing back in the day and it’s disappointing now. This time it isn’t WWE’s fault as the Kennedy suspension blew up what could have been a career making story, but ultimately there is only so much that can be done when the key player is gone. Hornswoggle was a bit funny and there is some good comedy potential, but it feels like it could have been so much more.

Overall Rating: C-. This was ALL about the big angle at the end, with the wrestling being a complete afterthought. That made for a weird show, as Unforgiven took a backseat as well, leaving the pay per view without much of a final push and the big story with a pretty lame resolution. Again, it isn’t WWE’s fault this time, but it is still pretty disappointing.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 3, 2007
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re actually taped this week as WWE is on its way to an international tour next week. Unforgiven is coming up later this month and we need a card, but there are going to be a few people missing. Late last week, a group of wrestlers were suspended for thirty days over connections with Signature Pharmacy, which had been linked to performance enhancing drugs.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

As a result, after this week, Charlie Haas, Edge, Gregory Helms, John Morrison, William Regal, Ken Kennedy, Umaga, Sho Funaki, Chris Masters, and Chavo Guerrero Jr. are going to be gone until next month. Booker T. was so adamant that he didn’t do anything that he gave notice and is gone. Eugene is gone as well, after not having a prescription for painkillers. In an unrelated note, Cryme Tyme is gone as well, albeit over issues with Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch and yelling at a referee. Things could be rather different for the next few weeks so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Randy Orton attacking a variety of people, including John Cena’s dad to end last week’s show. In case it wasn’t clear in the first place, of course you know this means war.

Opening sequence.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

Umaga is defending and punches Hardy down to start fast. A kick to the face and a headbutt both drop Hardy again and there’s a chest first whip into the corner. Umaga superkicks him off the apron and we take a break. Back with Umaga grabbing the nerve hold and then nailing a Samoan drop.

The middle rope headbutt misses though and Hardy gets a much needed breather. Hardy forearms away and gets two off a baseball slide dropkick. The Whisper in the Wind gets two but Umaga is back with the swinging Rock Bottom for two of his own. Umaga goes up top but Hardy crotches him down….and gets the very fast pin for the title. Even Hardy is stunned as Umaga kicks him off and out to the floor.

Rating: C. Most of this match was a house show fight until the shock ending. They did a good job of making this feel like a squash until the underdog won off a fluke, giving it almost a Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna Wrestlemania X vibe. Umaga feels like he got caught slipping on a banana peel instead of taking a defeat, which lets him come back as a monster in a month. Hardy getting the title is always a fine way to go though and this was about as logical of a way out as they had.

Post match, Umaga breaks a lot of stuff.

Vince McMahon has a bunch of attorneys with him to deal with his families’ attorneys. Carlito, with a slightly less stupid looking (though still stupid looking) haircut, comes in and gets his singles match with HHH turned into a handicap match with Umaga on his side.

Maria is a bit worried about her match with Beth Phoenix, as set up by Santino Marella. Santino tells her not to worry, because he has something to get off his chest. Oh and he’ll protect her too. Maria doesn’t seem convinced.

William Regal tells a production assistant to send John Cena to him when Cena arrives. Melina pops up and whispers something to Regal about her, ahem, meeting with Vince McMahon. Regal calls her kinky and says she should be ashamed of herself. Stephanie and Linda McMahon show up to glare at Melina. Linda gets in a slap in slow motion and here is Ron Simmons for the catchphrase.

Maria vs. Beth Phoenix

Hold on though as first, Santino Marella says that he is going to beat up Ron Simmons as soon as his arm is better. He also calls the city a disgusting dump, but here is Sandman to interrupt. Santino says Sandman is jealous because Santino gets to make love to Maria, while Sandman only has his stick. Sandman canes him in the head and they go up the ramp, leaving Maria alone. This is completely edited off Peacock for whatever reason. As for the match, Beth throws Maria around with no trouble and finishes with a cradle suplex in less than a minute.

Post match, Beth says she is getting her Women’s Title shot at Unforgiven. Candice Michelle has never seen anything like her before and she beats up Maria again for a preview. Cue Candice for the save.

We see the aftermath of Randy Orton attacking John Cena’s father, including a nasty black eye.

Here is William Regal to recap Randy Orton attacking John Cena’s last week. As a result, Regal has given Orton the night off, but Orton is here via satellite. Orton makes it clear: Cena did this to himself and his father’s blood is on his hands. All Cena had to do was give Orton his rematch for the WWE Title, so does Cena want it now? Want it or not, Regal makes the match for Unforgiven.

Orton hopes Cena’s dad never forgives his son but here is Cena to no music. Cena comes to the ring and promptly beats the daylights out of Regal, including knocking him over the announcers’ table and putting him in the STFU. Referees finally make a late save but Regal is done.

Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

The winners get a Tag Team Title shot against Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch, on commentary, at Unforgiven. Kendrick and Haas start things off with Kendrick being in trouble on the technical side. A wristlock works a bit better and it’s London coming in to stay on Haas’ arm. Benjamin comes in for a gorilla press gutbuster to take over on London though and we hit the neck crank. Back up and London rams heads with Haas, allowing the crawling tag over to Kendrick. The fans get into things as Kendrick hits back to back dives on Haas and Benjamin. With Benjamin and London on the floor, Sliced Bread gives Kendrick the fast pin.

Rating: C+. London and Kendrick are valuable people to have on the roster as they can have a good match with anyone while getting the fans behind them. That should set them up as good #1 contenders and the match should be good enough. Haas and Benjamin continue to be fine opponents for anyone, as the tag division is starting to grow again. That being said, I do wonder if London and Kendrick were supposed to be Cryme Tyme.

Post match Cade and Murdoch get in the ring for what seems like some false sportsmanship.

William Regal is in an ambulance as Shane McMahon walks by.

Video on CM Punk, who is challenging for the ECW World Title tomorrow night.

Carlito tries to fire up Umaga by telling him that HHH was laughing at him for losing the Intercontinental Title.

Vince McMahon meets with his lawyers and asks about his money being secure. After seemingly making Coach GM in place of the injured William Regal, Vince fires a lawyer for suggesting he use a defensive strategy.

Here are Jillian Hall and Daivari, with the former saying she isn’t supposed to sing due having her wisdom teeth cut out but she’ll do it anyway! We get some Summer Lovin before it’s time for a tag match. This is also missing from Peacock.

Cody Rhodes/Mickie James vs. Daivari/Jillian Hall

The women start things off, with Jillian telling Mickie to avoid the teeth. Instead Mickie kicks her in the ribs and then in the face so it’s off to the men. Cody armdrags Daivari down into a few armbars but has to fight out of a chinlock. Daivari drops some elbows for two instead and the chinlock goes right back on. That’s broken up as well so Cody puts on a spinning toehold. Jillian tries a save but Mickie cuts her off, leaving Cody to hit a DDT for the pin.

Rating: C-. As has been the case since Cody’s push began, it isn’t about the match itself but rather Cody getting to establish himself. The good thing is that they have mixed it up a little bit, as he may be beating Daivari over and over, at least they are having it in different forms. It isn’t a huge push, but they’re going about it in a smart way.

Carlito/Umaga vs. HHH

Carlito throws the lefts at HHH to start but gets punched down for his efforts. HHH throws him down by the hair and then goes for Umaga but Carlito comes back in. Some double teaming is enough for the quick DQ.

Post match the big beatdown is on but Carlito grabs a chair, which HHH takes away and wrecks both of them (including several shots to Umaga’s head). The sledgehammer is brought in and HHH blasts Umaga in the head to bust him open. A big sledgehammer shot to the back of the head knocks Umaga cold and I’d assume it’ll take about thirty days for him to recover.

Unforgiven rundown.

Here are Vince McMahon and his attorneys to deal with the rest of the family. Vince knows this whole thing is about the money and everyone here wants a handout. Cue Linda McMahon, sans attorneys, to say she is the CEO of WWE so she has her own money. Thanks to Coach bringing all of those women out here to explain that Vince has had so many affairs, she can take him for everything he has. Vince tries to calm things down but here is Stephanie McMahon to interrupt.

Vince knows she’s the volatile one but they’ve had some great times together. He has a video for her looking at A Father’s Love (this could go so many different ways from Vince), which is him pummeling Linda and Stephanie over the years. Vince panics because it’s the wrong video, but HHH pops up on screen. HHH swears he had NOTHING to do with that. HHH: “Hi Steph.” That gets a smile from Stephanie, who thinks Vince should step down from his position as Chairman of the Board.

Now it’s Shane McMahon coming out to ask if he’s talking to Vince McMahon his father, or an arm swinging, death faking, egomaniacal lunatic. Shane thinks Vince needs to change in some way because this could all work out. Shane: “I always wanted a brother!” That gets a glare from Stephanie, but Vince says he never had any affairs. He was saying all of those things to make himself feel better and he only cheated on Linda ONE TIME. That was the woman who gave birth to the illegitimate son and Vince feels terrible about it. He gets on his knee to apologize but here is Mr. Kennedy to interrupt.

Kennedy says there are a lot of coincidences between himself and Vince and it just so happens that the son will be revealed next week in his hometown of Green Bay, Wisconsin. Kennedy flat out says he is Vince’s son, which Stephanie doesn’t buy. Hold on though, as Kennedy credits Vince for turning him into a WWE Superstar and then says his name loudly, with the MCMAHON at the end.

Vince hugs him, but here is a guy in a suit to say that he represents the mother of Vince’s illegitimate son. It is NOT Mr. Kennedy (darn that stupid pharmacy), but he does have a clue as to the son’s identity: Things Are Looking Up. Vince wants to know what that means to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was a really weird show as the biggest issue came from having to deal with having to wrap up so many people all at once. The Kennedy deal was the big one, as not only is he gone, but now he has lost the spot in what was probably the biggest angle of his career. The rest of the show wasn’t very good either, but I would wonder how many things had to be changed late because of all of the suspensions. Not a good show, though there were some rather unique circumstances.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 27, 2007
Location: TD Banknorth Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,135
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Summerslam and the big story is that John Cena defeated Randy Orton to retain the Raw World Title. That isn’t something I would have bet on and the ending so clean was even more of a surprise. Usually that would mean the end of a feud but that isn’t how things tend to work in WWE. Let’s get to it.

Here is Summerslam if you need a recap.

We look at John Cena retaining the Raw World Title over Randy Orton in the Summerslam main event.

Here is Orton to get things going. Orton can’t believe that Cena retained the title at Summerslam but now he wants a rematch. The next time will be different because he is demanding another shot against Cena. Cue Cena, who pauses to hug his dad (uh oh) in the front row. Cena talks about how Orton is making excuses but lost last night. Orton wanted to make a statement, but now Cena has a statement of his own: THE CHAMP IS HERE!

Last night, Orton lost and Cena thinks there is someone who made his return and deserves a shot. While he can’t make matches, Cena likes the idea of defending against HHH tonight. Cue William Regal to say Cena won’t be facing either HHH or Orton, because he’ll be facing an imperial man: King Booker. Cue Booker, so Orton tries a quick RKO on Cena but gets shoved away. Orton seethes and leaves after we got to the point more quickly than usual.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Jeff Hardy

Feeling out process to start with Kennedy taking him into the corner but getting slapped in the face. Hardy claps the fans into things and gets pummeled in the corner for his efforts. Some knees to the ribs and shots to the back of the head put Hardy down again but he fires off right hands in the corner of his own. A clothesline sends Kennedy outside and Hardy hits the big dive as we take a break.

Back with Kennedy working on a bodyscissors before sending Hardy ribs first into the post. The logic continues with an abdominal stretch before Kennedy drives him back first into the corner. That’s broken up and Hardy hits a quick Whisper in the Wind for a breather. A rollup gets two and there’s the slingshot dropkick in the corner to rock Kennedy again. The Swanton only hits knees though….and here is Umaga to chase Kennedy off and superkick Hardy for the DQ.

Rating: C+. This was oddly more about punching and kicking than you might expect, which isn’t usually Hardy’s style. They were getting into more of the rhythm that these two might have been expected to have before Umaga came in to kick Hardy’s head off. That should set up the next title feud and Hardy vs. the monster is something that could work very well. I’m not sure what is next for Kennedy, but he could use something else to do.

We see some clips of HHH returning to beat King Booker last night, with JR’s mic being a bit messed up.

Vince McMahon is on his way to the ring for an announcement on Carlito’s Cabana. Mr. Kennedy comes up and Vince compliments him on his match and says watch out for that Umaga. Kennedy wishes Vince a belated birthday and Vince points out that his middle name is Kennedy as well. This seems to leave Kennedy intrigued.

It’s time for Carlito’s Cabana with Vince McMahon as the special guest. Vince comes out and pleasantries are exchanged, with Vince saying he is now fifty years old (plus twelve more) and ordering everyone here to answer to him. Cue HHH to interrupt, with the fans going rather coconuts. HHH says Vince is now seventy and needs to worry about going senile.

Worry not though, because HHH is here and he has done some extensive research. He has narrowed the mother of Vince’s son down to four women so here they are. First up we have a woman from Wrestlemania III, who a drunken Vince thought was Aretha Franklin. That would be a rather large woman named Mary, with Vince saying she sang like Aretha that night. Then it’s One Eyed Wendy, who lost her sight in one eye due to Vince, ahem, missing. HHH: “Looks like a hole in one.”

Third is….Carlito’s sister! Vince tells Carlito that they thought he was asleep, but HHH wants to know why the sister (who basically looks like a female Carlito) isn’t spitting. Finally there is someone Vince knew as Frankie but now it’s Frank. Hold on though as Frank is out due to having the wrong physical attributes.

Vince throws them all out and HHH talks about Vince being accused of running an illegal cockfighting ring. This leads to Vince listing the animals he loves, capped off by saying he loves co…and he cuts himself off. Vince leaves so Carlito yells at HHH, including spitting the apple in his face. Destruction ensues and HHH has a seat in the chair. The gag wasn’t that great, but HHH being back and being less serious is a good thing.

The Condemned is on DVD.

World’s Greatest Tag Team/Daivari vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick/Cody Rhodes

London armbars Daivari to start and hands it off to Kendrick. That doesn’t go as well as it’s off to Haas, who gets caught in Haas’ overhead belly to belly suplex. The now blond Shelton Benjamin (that looks stupid) comes in to suplex Kendrick as well but Daivari misses an elbow. That’s enough to bring in Cody for a powerslam but Haas and Benjamin make the save. Everything breaks down and a high crossbody to Daivari gives Cody the fast pin.

Rating: C. Pretty by the book six man match here but what matters is continuing with Cody’s push. He isn’t getting any major wins or setting the world on fire but he is showing up and winning matches, which is how you make someone feel like a bigger deal. The other five guys just happened to be there, but it is better than having the same match over and over.

Post break Daivari is still in the ring but here is Cryme Tyme to interrupt his usual rant. They steal his head scarf (his “Durka Durka” according to JTG) and want $5 but Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch cut him off this time. Instead, JTG steals Cade’s hat and Cryme Tyme runs off. The hat is tossed into the crowd and chants of MONEY MONEY, YEAH YEAH are on.

Randy Orton storms into Vince McMahon’s office and demands a rematch with John Cena. Vince says not so fast, because Orton has to earn it. Orton storm off.

Maria vs. Beth Phoenix

Or not as Beth jumps her during the entrance and the big beatdown is on. Maria can’t go so no match.

Candice Michelle isn’t scared of Beth Phoenix and will face any challenge. She also isn’t scared of Snitsky, who pops up behind her. Snitsky says it is a challenge for him to limit his destruction.

Vince McMahon is ready to find out his son and thinks he’ll learn the identity next week. William Regal comes in with some information but wants Coach gone before he’ll say anything. Vince says say what it is, with Regal saying that Shane, Stephanie and Linda will be here next weeks, with attorneys. Silent glaring ensues.

King Booker vs. John Cena

Non-title and Queen Sharmell is here too. Cena backs him into the corner to start but Booker comes back with some kicks tot he face. The fisherman’s suplex drops Booker back down and the armbar goes on. Booker has to bail to the ropes to get out of the STFU and we take a break.

Back with Cena making a comeback but Booker hits a spinwheel kick to take him down. Cena has to power out of a chinlock and grabs a spinebuster to plant Booker again. The side slam gives Booker two and he puts on a top wristlock. Cena comes up again so it’s a superkick to give Booker two more. Another comeback is loaded up but Randy Orton runs in to take Cena out for the DQ.

Rating: C. This didn’t have the most drama as it was a match built around waiting on Orton to come in and jump Cena. They didn’t exactly hide what they were going for earlier today and that isn’t a bad thing. I’m not entirely wild on having Cena face Orton against after beating him clean, but it’s not like the two of them have fought forever and ever or anything.

Post match Orton and Booker beat Cena down. Orton gets all serious and rolls outside, where he grabs Cena’s dad. The Punt leaves Cena Sr. laying to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. They had a bit of a weird show here, as it wasn’t so much about the show they were running but rather the shows that they were setting up. Next week will see all of the McMahons here and that should be the sign for a big step forward in the search for Vince’s son. Other than that, we’re on the way to Unforgiven and that should be a sold Summerslam rematch show. Overall, not a great show here, but the bigger stuff seems to have been officially put on standby.

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Royal Rumble 2022
Date: January 29, 2022
Location: The Dome At America’s Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 44,390
Commentators: Jimmy Smith, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

We are officially kicking off the Road to WrestleMania XXXVIII and that means things should be starting big here. First up we have the Royal Rumbles themselves, plus what should be a pair of awesome World Title matches as Brock Lesnar defends against Bobby Lashley and Seth Rollins challenges Roman Reigns. Let’s get to it.

Note that I was in the stadium for this, sitting in the upper deck with the Titantron on my right.

No Kickoff Show matches this year, which was a bit weird.

The opening video looks at the start of the Road To Wrestlemania, with a look at just about everything on tonight’s card. Cool, even if it isn’t breaking new ground.

Smackdown World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins is challenging and comes out to the Shield theme, including in the Shield gear. He even flips over the apron as McAfee talks about how these two plus Mox ran roughshod on the wrestling world. This plays into the feud so well and it makes things that much more personal. Rollins starts sticking and moving early on and ducks a clothesline in the corner. The Sling Blade drops Reigns and Rollins hits back to back dives on the floor.

Back in and the springboard knee to the face is uppercutted out of the air to give Reigns a breather. There’s the apron boot to the face but Rollins catches the dive off the steps. A powerbomb puts Reigns through the announcers’ table and a frog splash gets two. The Phoenix splash misses but Rollins is right back with the Buckle Bomb. The Stomp gets two and Rollins can’t believe the kickout, allowing Reigns to comeback with a clothesline.

There’s a powerbomb for two on Rollins, who starts to laugh. Said laughter earns him some heavy shots to the head but he pulls Rollins into a triangle choke. Reigns doesn’t care for that and powerbombs his way to freedom before sending Rollins shoulder first into the post. They head outside with Reigns sending him into various objects. Back in and the Superman Punch gives Reigns two so Rollins rolls outside for a needed breather.

That’s fine with Reigns, who hits a spear, only to have another countered into a Pedigree back inside (how Rollins beat Reigns at Money in the Bank 2016) for two. Rollins takes too long with the BURN IT DOWN stomps and gets caught with another spear. Before Reigns can cover though, Rollins keeps laughing and holds out the Shield fist. Instead of falling for it, Reigns grabs a guillotine but Rollins makes the rope (with the referee picking it up and dropping it onto the rope). Reigns doesn’t let go though and that’s a DQ at 14:35.

Rating: B-. This was starting to roll at the end and then they went with the ending designed to set up a rematch rather than give us a winner. This is a match you could run back a few times based on their history alone but instead we get the screwy way out. They seem to be going with some weird Batman vs. Joker story, albeit with Rollins as a heroic Joker, and that is oddly intriguing. Unfortunately that isn’t enough to make up for a bad ending though and it brought things down.

Post match Reigns grabs a chair and destroys Rollins, ala how Rollins turned on him to break up the Shield years ago. That’s some good…symbolism I believe?

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals and Sasha banks is in at #1 (second time in five years and in Sailor Moon inspired gear.) and Melina is in at #2. The splits entrants gets a big ovation and they pose at each other to start. That’s enough for Banks, who dumps her out and poses again. Tamina is in at #3 and you can feel the silence. Banks jumps her on the floor to start but can’t get her over so soon. Some running knees in the corner rock Tamina instead and it’s Kelly Kelly in at #4. Kelly and Banks team up on Tamina but Kelly tries Figure Four necklock over the ropes.

That means an easy elimination to get rid of Kelly and it’s Aliyah taking her place at #5. Some teased eliminations don’t go anywhere and it’s Liv Morgan in at #6. The modified Backstabber has Banks in trouble and it’s Liv cleaning house, as the camera cuts go INSANE, to the point where I can’t even see everyone in the ring.

Queen Zelina is in at #7 as Tamina puts Banks on the apron. Tamina gets the elimination and the fans are not pleased, mainly because that leaves Liv Morgan as the biggest name in the match. Bianca Belair is in at #8 and the fans seem rather pleased as she goes after Tamina. Zelina gets suplexed and splashed but Tamina saves the elimination due to reasons of not thinking things through.

Dana Brooke, with Reggie, is in at #9 and gets to clean house but Tamina and Zelina double team her down. Michelle McCool is in at #10, giving us Tamina, Aliyah, Morgan, Zelina, Belair, Brooke and McCool. House is cleaned, including McCool’s Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) to Zelina. Brooke gets tossed by McCool and it’s Sonya Deville in at #11. Well not quite in as she joins commentary instead of heading inside. Sonya explains that the jacket staying on means she isn’t competing yet, because that is somehow literally the rule now.

Natalya is in at #12 as we continue the brawling on the ropes. Tamina is tossed but Belair saves herself as Cameron (to Somebody Call My Mama) in at #13. A reminder of Cameron’s history with Naomi is enough to get Sonya inside to eliminate Cameron. Oh no. Whatever would we do without Cameron? Naomi is in at #14 and the fight is on, with Naomi hitting the springboard kick to the face. Sonya is out in a hurry and it’s Carmella in at #15. Hold on though as she needs to put on her mask, meaning everyone else can brawl on the ropes (again).

Rhea Ripley is in at #16 and that should mean some eliminations. Instead of getting in immediately, she throws Carmella inside so she can toss Vega and Carmella at the same time. Ripley cleans house until Charlotte is in at #17 (this can’t be good for Rhea). Natalya gets triple teamed as Charlotte tosses Aliyah. Naomi is sent over the top but lands on her hands….so Sonya pops up to pull her out.

It’s Ivory in at #18 (that woman does not age) and she has a mic, saying that nothing has changed. She sees a lot of wayward, lost little girls, but she wants to see….and then Ripley picks her up. Ivory doesn’t stop talking (about Facebook followers) as Ripley puts her on the apron and then knocks her out. Funny gag and better than anything else in the match so far.

Brie Bella is in at #19 and the place goes coconuts. Graves: “One half of the Bella Reality Empire.” Natalya has to save herself from Brie, who has to kick her way to freedom as well. Mickie James, the Impact Women’s (yes Women’s) Champion is in at #20 and the camera cuts makes it a little difficult to see the title. That gives us Morgan, Belair, McCool, Natalya, Ripley, Charlotte, Brie Bella and James. Some kicks rock a few people and Mickie gets to nip up.

Mickie hurricanranas Michelle out and it’s Alicia Fox (thankfully with the dark hair instead of the blonde) in at #21. Brawling ensues and it’s Nikki Ash in at #22. Ripley waits at the ropes but Nikki comes through the crowd (because she knew that A, Rhea would be in at this point and B, knew that she would be looking at the entrance) to jump Rhea from behind. That’s not enough for an elimination though and Ripley gets to chop Charlotte. Summer Rae (with the CRAZY catchy Call To Me theme) is in at #23, hits a few kicks and then gets tossed by Natalya.

Nikki Bella is in at #24 (to a bit of a weaker reaction than Brie received) and gets to to clean house, including getting rid of Fox. Sarah Logan, in a kind of caveman style look, is in at #25. The Bellas get jumped and we get a quick Riott Squad reunion, only to have the Bellas toss both of them (and do the L on the head taunt because it’s 1992). Lita is in at #26 to give us a big dose of star power and gets to clean house. Mickie gets tossed over the top and a hanging DDT gives Lita the elimination.

We get the Lita vs. Charlotte showdown until Mighty Molly is in at #27. Nikki jumps her in the aisle though and throws Molly inside, where the cape is ripped off. That’s enough for Nikki to toss Molly out….and Ronda Rousey returns at #28 (for some reason, commentary gave Sarah Logan a MUCH stronger shocked reaction). Rousey gets rid of Ash and tries to knock out Nikki, only to have Brie knock Nikki out instead.

Brie gets beaten up in the corner and it’s Shotzi in at #29. Rousey dumps Brie and moves on to Ripley (that could be interesting) but switches to Belair. Shayna Baszler (perhaps with new music) is in at #30, giving us a final grouping of Belair, Natalya, Ripley, Charlotte, Lita, Rousey, Shotzi and Baszler. Rousey smiles at the sight of Baszler, who suplexes Lita and kicks Natalya.

We get the Rousey vs. Baszler showdown but Charlotte breaks that up. Rousey dumps Shotzi and Belair gets rid of Natalya…who gets back in, only to be dumped by Rousey as well. Ok then. The Twist of Fate hits Charlotte and there’s the middle rope hurricanrana to Ripley. The moonsault is loaded up but Charlotte kicks Lita out instead. Ripley has to get out of a triangle choke over the ropes by shoving Rousey into the post….and Charlotte kicks Rhea out (BECAUSE OF COURSE CHARLOTTE BEATS RIPLEY AGAIN!).

That gets us down to four with Charlotte getting kicked down. Belair flips out of Baszler’s Kirifuda Clutch but the threat of the KOD is broken up, allowing Charlotte to dump Belair and Baszler at the same time. That leaves us with Rousey vs. Charlotte and the big staredown is on. Charlotte charges with a running boot and gets tossed to give Rousey the win at 59:38 (the one on one stuff wasn’t even a minute long).

Rating: C-. And that is almost all because the last few minutes picked up. This was a perfect illustration of how shallow the women’s division is because WWE focuses on the same people over and over again. Counting everyone up, you had FIFTEEN WOMEN who were making some sort of return here, including several who weren’t exactly huge stars that I was wanting to see back in the first place.

For instance, Cameron was here. As in the Cameron who is best known for that time when she didn’t know how a cover worked. She was nothing more than a joke back in the day and now she gets a Rumble spot for the sake of advancing Naomi vs. Sonya? Was anyone wanting to see Sarah Logan and Summer Rae return for their combined minute and a half? Or Ivory and Molly Holly getting in their 45 seconds total? Of those fifteen returning legends/surprises, seven of them didn’t even last 75 seconds. If that’s the best you can do with them, what’s the point?

That leaves you with fifteen active names (including one of the Women’s Champions) and egads some of them were rough. There is no depth in the women’s division right now and I wouldn’t want to watch most of these women again, at least based on how they were presented here.

As has been the case for WAY too long in the women’s division, WWE cares about its top stars (save for Sasha Banks, who was a total nothing afterthought here for some reason) and no one else. Charlotte, Rousey and arguably Belair were presented as important here. Who else in the division gets treated like a big deal? Becky Lynch and…..is there anyone else? The talent is absolutely there and available, but if WWE is going to have a handful of people at the top, there is no need to have this match. At the very, very least, find a better lineup of people to come back as surprises, because this was really tough to watch.

A lot of sign pointing and pyro (remember that, because it becomes important later) ensue.

Titus O’Neil, who might be the greatest person in WWE history, did a bunch of charity work this week.

Raw Women’s Title: Doudrop vs. Becky Lynch

Lynch is defending and the idea is that Doudrop is a different kind of challenger. Doudrop powers her into the corner to start and a shoulder takes Lynch down again. The threat of the basement crossbody sends Lynch bailing outside for a breather, only to have Doudrop nail a headbutt back inside. A backsplash hits Becky’s spine but the Cannonball only hits stairs, allowing Becky to stomp away.

The chinlock doesn’t last long so Becky switches to a sleeper….as the fans are chanting about a fire. Yeah remember that pyro during Rousey’s celebration? Well it wound up causing the Wrestlemania sign to CATCH ON FIRE, with pieces of melted plastic falling down. The fans in the section were evacuated and the sign was lowered, because WWE has somehow managed to start a small fire from how much they put into pyro (though they couldn’t TURN DOWN THE SPOTLIGHTS that were shining into the fans’ eyes all night long, making most of the show half viewable).

Anyway, Doudrop powers out of a sleeper but misses a charge into the post. Becky’s missile dropkick gets one and she starts shouting about being straight fire. Doudrop runs her over and hits the full backsplash, only to have Becky come back with the Disarm-Her. That’s switched into a cross armbreaker but Doudrop powerbombs her way to freedom.

Now the Cannonball can connect in the corner but the Vader Bomb hits raised knees. Lynch busts out a Molly Go Round of all things for two so she hammers away at the head. Doudrop scores with some headbutts but gets draped over the top for Becky’s top rope Fameasser. Something like a Big Ending gives Doudrop two but the Vader Bomb is countered into a super Manhandle Slam to retain the title at 13:18.

Rating: C-. This is a good example of a match where there was no drama and it felt like we were sitting around waiting on the inevitable finish. Lynch isn’t going to lose to Doudrop, either now or with WrestleMania so soon. Doudrop was the victim of the month for Lynch and that is where things started to fall apart. The match wasn’t a bad one and Doudrop did her monster stuff well, but this was a bunch of sitting around waiting for Becky to beat her.

Tonight’s attendance: 44,390. It’s not a record or anything, but at least we stopped the show so WWE can pat itself on the back. Again.

We recap Bobby Lashley vs. Brock Lesnar, featuring the forged in fire video from a few weeks ago. This is great stuff, as it shows how similar their paths were on their way to this showdown. The video made me want to see the two of them fight and it warmed me up again here.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Bobby Lashley

Lesnar, with Paul Heyman, is defending while Lashley has MVP to even things out. They fight over a lockup to start and neither can shove the other away. Lesnar snaps off a German suplex and smiles but Lashley is right back up. Lashley hits a BIG German suplex of his own, sending Brock into the corner for some nodding and a big eyed “OK!”.

Back to back German suplexes rock Lashley but he’s right back on his feet again. Some right hands rock Lesnar and a pair of spears send Lesnar outside. Another spear only hits the barricade though, sending Lashley into the timekeeper’s area and allowing Lesnar to point at his intelligent head. Back in and Lashley misses a charge into the corner so Lesnar hits another German suplex. Lesnar does it a few more times and even keeps his own count.

The F5 is countered though and Lashley grabs the Hurt Lock out of nowhere. Lesnar can’t power out but he can drive Lashley into the corner, crushing the referee in the process. Lashley goes for it again but this time Lesnar reverses into the F5. There’s no count though…and here is Roman Reigns to spear Lesnar in half. Reigns stares down at Heyman, who hands over the WWE Title. A big belt shot knocks Lesnar silly and another referee comes out to count the pin, giving Lashley the title back at 10:17.

Rating: B-. I liked this one more the first time, as the rewatch just showed you how much of it was spent on German suplexes. That’s Lesnar’s favorite way to go and it doesn’t often make for the most exciting matches. There were good parts to this and Lashley looked like he had a real chance, but ultimately this was about Lesnar vs. Reigns and that’s where the main event scene is becoming a big problem. Lashley just won the WWE Title and is a total afterthought, which should never be the case.

Heyman leaves with Reigns in case it wasn’t clear.

We look at Ronda Rousey returning and winning the women’s Royal Rumble.

We recap Miz/Maryse vs. Edge/Beth Phoenix. They are two of the most powerful married wrestling couples and Edge already beat Miz earlier this month. Then Maryse went a bit nuts by hitting Phoenix in the head with a brick, meaning it’s time for the big mixed tag. Yeah it isn’t the most thrilling story but it’s the logical way to go.

Edge/Beth Phoenix vs. Miz/Maryse

The double entrances are quite good, including Edge and Beth high fiving each other as they pass on the stage. Beth chases Maryse outside to start and Miz has to make a save, accidentally pulling Maryse outside. Back in and the guys come in to slug it out, only to have Maryse offer a distraction so Miz can take over. The YES Kicks rock Edge but he counters the big one into a rollup. Maryse gets in a slap, sending Beth outside to chase her off with a chair. Edge gets in a quick shot, allowing Beth to start stomping the steps to fire him up.

The tag brings in Beth for a spinning side slam to rock Maryse again. Miz comes in for the save and gets in a staredown with Beth, who is driven into the corner for the right hands to the head. That is completely realistic in this case and the spot works as a result. Maryse makes a save with the loaded purse though and it’s time to stomp away. The signature pose sets up Maryse’s reverse chinlock but Beth powers up for a double clothesline. That’s enough for Edge to start stomping like Beth did earlier in a nice touch.

The hot tag brings in Edge to clean house, including an Edge-O-Matic and a top rope elbow (that’s a new one for him) but Edge misses a spear into the corner. Maryse hits a top rope hurricanrana (not exactly a signature for her and Lita’s was cooler, but that was a big one from Maryse) and the Skull Crushing Finale gets two. Beth is back in and it’s a double spear to Miz, setting up the stereo Glam Slams for the double pin at 12:30.

Rating: C. This felt like a big Raw main event and nowhere near a match that belonged in the same feud Edge and Miz started. Edge vs. Miz was fine, but Maryse couldn’t be presented as a real threat to Beth. That doesn’t make it much better when Miz is barely seen as a threat to Edge, making this a match that felt like it had another pretty clear ending from the get go. It was fun live, but watching it back just made it feel like Edge and Beth were doing some weird couples workout.

Video on Sasha Banks, which might be a better choice if she hadn’t been an afterthought in the Royal Rumble. This is one of those Peacock filler videos.

As the Banks video was airing in the arena, Edge and Beth Phoenix went over to their daughters in the front row and took them up to the stage, where one of them did Edge’s pose with him. It was one of the better parts all night and very sweet.

We get a video on a Medal of Honor winner, who was injured in Afghanistan and saved several lives. Four soldiers were killed that day though and now he wears a bracelet on his wrist in their memory.

The soldier, Captain Flo Groberg, is here, as part of a partnership between the Medal of Honor foundation and WWE. Cool.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals and the Wrestlemania sign is back up. AJ Styles is in at #1 and Shinsuke Nakamura is in at #2, meaning the star power is out in force to get things going. Nakamura strikes away to start but Styles is back with the sliding forearm. Austin Theory is in at #3 and this could get interesting. Theory breaks up the fight and tries to toss Nakamura but has to punch Styles instead.

Robert Roode is in at #4 and takes Nakamura down with a spinebuster, setting up a showdown with Styles. McAfee refers to this as a massive impact and AJ forearms Roode out for the first elimination. Nakamura runs Theory over as Ridge Holland is in at #5. Styles tosses Nakamura and the clock picks up quite a bit as Montez Ford is in at #6.

Holland plants Styles with a slam and then a backdrop as Damian Priest is in at #7. Some near eliminations ensue until Sami Zayn is in at #8 as the intervals is nowhere near ninety seconds. No one is eliminated again so here is Johnny Knoxville in at #9. He actually takes Sami down and hammers away but Styles drops Knoxville with a forearm. Ford hits a splash and Sami Helluva Kicks Knoxville out. It was short, it didn’t hut anything and it was a celebrity appearances. Not my kind of deal, but it wasn’t a problem in the match.

Sami is rather pleased but gets tossed out as well, with Angelo Dawkins in at #10 to replace him. That gives us Styles, Theory, Holland, Ford, Priest and Dawkins. With nothing happening, Omos is in at #11 and gets rid of Ford and Dawkins with back to back eliminations. Styles is sent back first into the post and it’s Ricochet in at #12 with a missile dropkick on Omos. That doesn’t work out so well so Ricochet strikes away, earning himself a big chop.

Chad Gable is in at #13 and rallies the troops, which results in…Priest going after Omos on his own. That means Priest is out so everyone goes after Omos together. This includes Dominik Mysterio coming in at #14 and helping eliminate Omos (though a charging shoulder from AJ helped a bit more). Happy Corbin is in at #15 (the clock might be going even faster) and tosses Ricochet, because that is what Ricochet is doing in WWE. Dolph Ziggler is in at #16 as the ring is filling up again. Deep Six hits Dominik and Corbin throws him out, just as Styles does to Theory (minus the Deep Six).

Sheamus is in at #17 and gets a quick pep talk from Holland, who is tossed during Sheamus’ entrance. Sheamus beats on various people and it’s Rick Boogs in at #18, with McAfee being surprised that he has his own music. Boogs powers Gable around and gorilla presses (with one arm) him out. Madcap Moss is in at #19 as Boogs gorilla presses Ziggler, who manages to save himself. Styles misses the Phenomenal Forearm on Moss and gets caught in Corbin’s chokebreaker.

That’s enough for Moss to toss AJ in quite the surprise as Riddle is in at #20. That gives us Corbin, Ziggler, Sheamus, Boogs, Moss and Riddle, as the first fourteen entrants are already out. After kicking off the flip flops, Riddle suplexes Boogs, who is tossed out by Corbin and Moss without much trouble.

It’s Drew McIntyre in at #21 (which actually surprised me) and that means the big staredown with Corbin and Moss (who put him on the shelf). McIntyre doesn’t waste time in tossing both of them, but he isn’t done. Instead, McIntyre grabs the steps and unloads on the two of them until referees break it up. Kevin Owens is in at #22 and sends McIntyre inside before beating on various people.

Owens even gets creative by stomping on Riddle’s bare feet as Rey Mysterio is in at #23. Rey almost eliminates Riddle but gets caught by a Stunner from Owens. Kofi Kingston is in at #24 and goes up, only to be shoved off by Owens….with his feet hitting the ground. Kingston tried to grab the barricade for his big signature save spot but he just didn’t land right. That’s disappointing, but this was bound to happen at some point as these things got so elaborate. Given what Kofi has done over the years, I’d say one slip is a pretty acceptable result.

Otis is in at #25 and runs some people over until Big E. is in at #26. Big E. gets to clean house as well until Bad Bunny returns at lucky #27. The high crossbody hits Sheamus and there’s a Canadian Destroyer to Riddle. Sheamus goes after Bunny and loads up the Brogue Kick but gets low bridged for a surprise elimination. Bunny helps Rey set up the 619 to Ziggler and then tosses Ziggler as well.

With his luck running strong, Bunny tries to get rid of Rey as Shane McMahon is in at #28 (to a VERY big reaction from commentary). Rey is eliminated by Otis as commentary can’t stop praising Shane. Owens goes after Shane and gets tossed, setting up a showdown with McIntyre (they used to be friends, a long time ago). Hometown boy Randy Orton is in at #29 and seems VERY happy to soak in those cheers. RKBro gets rid of Big E. and it’s jumping/running RKO from Riddle to Otis.

That’s enough to get rid of Otis….but Brock Lesnar is in at #30. We have a final grouping of Riddle, McIntyre, Bunny, McMahon, Orton and Lesnar, which isn’t exactly inspiring. Lesnar cleans house like you would expect him to do and there goes Orton. Bunny gets in Lesnar’s face and gets an F5, setting up another elimination. Lesnar tosses Riddle and Shane, leaving us with Lesnar vs. McIntyre. They slug it out until McIntyre has to escape the F5. The Claymore misses though and Lesnar tosses McIntyre for the win at 51:08.

Rating: C+. This was a better match than the women’s version, mainly because the star power was so much stronger and it didn’t leave me asking “really?” over and over. There were a lot of big names in here, but oddly enough this one suffered from a lack of surprises. You had McIntyre, Bunny and Shane, but other than that and Lesnar (who was there earlier in the night), there was nothing that jumped out. It didn’t have much in the way of comedy and nothing in the way of nostalgia, leaving this as a bit of a dry Rumble.

The other big problem is the ending, as Lesnar came in and erased everything else that ha happened. Lesnar was going to win the Rumble to get us to Reigns vs. Lesnar again, making the 51 minute match little more than a response to an angle that took place two matches earlier. That could have been done in a few ways, but they went with Lesnar being added at the end of a big match to get a title shot. Again.

Overall, this match was good enough, but part of that is due to the amount of bad that filled up the rest of the show. It’s definitely not a great Rumble and the ending left a(nother) bad taste in my mouth, but the McIntyre return and some of the bigger names helped a bit. If nothing else, this was even more proof that cutting so many wrestlers wasn’t a great idea when you need so many for one night.

Lesnar points at the sign so more pyro can go off (which caused the sign to catch on fire AGAIN) and replays can wrap us up.

Overall Rating: C-. It could have been worse, but this was one of the lamer Rumbles, and WWE events in general, in a long time. Nothing on here was exactly great and the two Rumbles highlighted a lot of WWE’s current problems. It feels like we are going to be seeing the same people (and Rousey) taking over another Wrestlemania. That wasn’t interesting in recent years and it isn’t interesting again here.

The biggest thing here is it felt like going back to the well and seeing whatever they can get out of the old names. The Rumble can be a great way to build someone up (like Belair and McIntyre in recent years) but this was designed to build up Rousey and Lesnar, who don’t exactly need the help. Throw in that we are probably getting Lesnar vs. Reigns again and there wasn’t much to get excited about here. The show might not have been horrible, but it was boring and uninspiring, which was a lot worse in this case.

Results
Seth Rollins b. Roman Reigns via DQ when Reigns would not release a guillotine
Ronda Rousey won the women’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Charlotte
Becky Lynch b. Doudrop – Super Manhandle Slam
Bobby Lashley b. Brock Lesnar – Belt shot from Roman Reigns
Edge/Beth Phoenix b. Miz/Maryse – Double Glam Slam
Brock Lesnar won the men’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Drew McIntyre

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