Smackdown
Date: January 3, 2014
Location: Verizon Center, Washington D.C.
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re coming up on the Rumble and there are two major stories coming out of Monday: the return of Brock Lesnar and Daniel Bryan joining the Wyatts. The main reaction seems to be that Bryan joining is a slap in the fans’ face and I’m not sure where this idea is coming from. The first thing I thought when he agreed to join was that it was a plan by Bryan to infiltrate the Family and take them apart from the inside. I can’t imagine this doesn’t end with anything other than Bryan doing something to cost the Wyatts big, setting up a showdown between Bray and Daniel, perhaps in the Rumble? Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of Raw with Bryan turning his back on the fans and joining the Family.

Here’s the Shield in the ring to open the show. Ambrose says they’ve heard all the stories about the Shield crumbling from within and that some egos (with an arm around Reigns) are out of control. All of those rumors are dead wrong and if CM Punk thinks he can take down the Shield he’s in for a surprise. Reigns thinks the weak link in the team is obvious (with a look over at Ambrose): there isn’t a weak link. Rollins says the setbacks are temporary because the Shield will come together and dominate WWE.

Shield vs. Usos

Ambrose is the odd man out and sits in on commentary. Reigns gets things going with Jimmy and headbutts him in the corner. Jimmy gets taken down to the mat and stomped by Roman before it’s off to Seth who walks into a clothesline. Off to Jey for the first time and a back elbow to the jaw for two. The Usos get two more off a double elbow drop as Ambrose talks about taking over the WWE and closing down every bar and saloon from Dallas to Singapore. I miss wrestlers implying that they associate with each other off television.

Jimmy gets two off a backdrop before it’s back to Jey for an armdrag into an armbar. An uppercut stops Seth’s comeback and a clothesline puts him on the floor. The Usos hit stereo kicks to Reigns’ ribs to send him outside before backdropping Rollins on top of him. We take a break and come back with Jey holding Rollins in a chickenwing before Seth takes him into the corner for a tag to Reigns.

Roman takes Jey down with an elbow to the jaw as Shield takes over. Seth comes back in off the top with a right hand to the ribs. The announcers actually talk about unifying the midcard titles, meaning it might be a real possibility at the moment. Cole asks Ambrose if he’d like to face Langston. Ambrose, partially in song no less, says no and asks Cole to stop bullying him and “BE A STAR.” Can we just get Punk and Ambrose to do commentary on random matches? I’d buy the Network for that alone.

Off to a cobra clutch by Rollins before Reigns comes back in to bend Jey’s arm around the rope. Ambrose keeps spinning around in his chair at commentary. Reigns misses a charge and falls out to the floor. Seth can’t make a diving save so Jey makes the hot tag off to Jimmy. Everything breaks down and Rollins gets Samoan dropped but rolls to the floor before the Umaga attack can connect. Reigns is sent outside as well but Ambrose runs in for the DQ at 9:03 shown of 12:03.

Rating: C+. These teams are reaching the point where they could have good matches in their sleep. The Usos are becoming the Kofi Kingstons of the tag division as you’re guaranteed a good match but they’re never going to go anywhere beyond where they are now. Hopefully they can break that mold and eventually get the titles that they’re long overdue to win.

Before Shield can get far in their triple team, CM Punk comes out for the save.

Throughout the night we’re going to get New Year’s Resolutions from Superstars. Up first are the Prime Time Players who want to use their talents to do more good and…..get a macaroni recipe?

Vickie, six man tag, etc.

Fandango vs. R-Truth

Xavier gets in on commentary as Fandango pounds Truth into the corner. Truth does his backflip to the middle of the ring and hiptosses Fandango down. Woods brags about getting a PHD and being the only man in history to be a doctor and work for WWE. JBL: “What about Dr. Jerry Graham and Dr. Tom Pritchard?”

Woods sums up the connection between he and Truth: they’re friends and Truth got him into wrestling. Works for me. Fandango comes back with a quick spinwheel kick to the jaw for two and we hit the reverse chinlock. Truth fires off right hands but runs into a boot. Woods calls out the Funkadactyls and gets on the table (wearing JBL’s hat) to dance. The distraction lets Truth hit Little Jimmy for the pin at 2:52. Have we reached the point where the distraction is someone’s official set up move? Also shouldn’t that be considered a heel move?

Dancing ensues.

Video on Tribute to the Troops.

Big E. Langston talks about Brock destroying his friend on Monday and says he wouldn’t want to be Brock Lesnar right now. Curtis Axel comes in and says he’s sorry for what happened to Mark but he’ll be laughing all the way to the bank after beating Langston tonight. Big E. says no one will be laughing after the match.

Video on Bryan joining the Wyatts on Monday.

Tag Titles: Goldust/Cody Rhodes vs. Wyatt Family

Cody and Goldust are defending but there’s no Bray and/or Bryan. Goldust and Harper get things going with Luke driving him into the corner. The crowd is very quiet tonight for some reason. Harper is taken into the corner and a double suplex gets a one count for Luke. Back to Goldust who gets fingers in his eyes before it’s off to Rowan. The monsters make some quick tags to take over on Goldust but he comes back with right hands in the corner.

Rowan is knocked to the apron but Luke clotheslines Goldust down and puts on a chinlock. Goldust fights up and gets a quick two off a sunset flip. The hot tag (kind of as the crowd is still barely responding at all) brings in Cody for a knee lift and the Disaster Kick to send Harper to the floor. Cody follows him out but gets sent into the barricade and steps as we take a break.

Back with Rowan firing off more right hands put Cody down as we look at the empty rocking chair. Back to Harper for a running elbow in the corner to knock Cody down again. There’s the Gator Roll followed by another chinlock but Harper lets go of the hold to knock Goldust off the apron.

Rowan comes back in but gets sent to the floor, only to have Harper knock Goldust down again. A BIG sitout powerbomb gets two on Cody as Goldust makes the save. Everything breaks down and Harper kicks Cody in the face to knock him silly. Cody breaks up what looks like a belly to back superplex and hits the moonsault to a standing Harper. Goldust makes a blind tag and grabs an O’Connor roll for the pin on Rowan at 12:25.

Rating: B. I’m more and more impressed by Goldust and Cody every time they go out there. There’s that natural chemistry that you get with brothers that you just can’t teach and it’s taking these guys to another level. The Wyatts get better in the ring with every match they have as well with Rowan more than holding up his end of the team.

Miz’s resolution is to be awesome.

Nikki Bella vs. Aksana

This is fallout from Aksana pinning Nikki on Monday in the ten Diva tag. They shove each other to start until Nikki hiptosses her down and drives shoulders in the corner. Aksana rolls outside and grabs Nikki’s arm to slam it into the post. The announcers are comparing Aksana to Hannibal Lecter for some reason as she gets two off a side slam. Off to an arm lock on Nikki but she fights back with clotheslines and dropkicks. Aksana comes back with a kick to the ribs and forearms in the corner, only to get Racked. Nikki drops to her knees (that move HAS to be a rib somehow) into a backbreaker for the pin at 4:00.

Rating: D. The girls both look good in tight outfits but they have no business in the ring. If nothing else this makes Brie look that much better as she’s miles ahead of Nikki as far as wrestling skills go. Aksana is there as eye candy, which makes me wonder why they had get the pin on Monday.

We get the video package on Orton’s career from Raw.

Big E. Langston vs. Curtis Axel

Non-title. Axel gets in some right hands to start but gets his head taken off by a clothesline. Big E. charges into a boot in the corner but knocks Axel out of the air with a shoulder block for two. Curtis comes back with some right hands and knee drops before hooking an armbar. Langston pops up and hits a quick belly to belly followed by the Warrior Splash. Axel escapes the Big Ending and snaps Langston’s throat across the top rope but walks into the Big Ending for the pin at 3:55.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash for Langston and there’s nothing wrong with that. He needs to keep racking up wins like this to make him feel like an unstoppable force before someone knocks him off for the title so Big E. can move to the main event. It worked for Warrior and it can work for Langston.

The Raw ReBound looks at Lesnar destroying Mark Henry.

We get a sitdown interview with Heyman who says Brock is back because there’s one WWE Champion. Brock wants to be the one and only champion and it doesn’t matter who comes out of the Rumble with the title. Heyman says Brock is looking to do something Old School next week, meaning he’ll be on Raw.

Time for Bad News Barrett with his nifty rising podium. The bad news tonight: no one is going to keep their new year’s resolutions so this time next year, everyone will be just as fat, unhealthy and unproductive as they are now.

CM Punk/Usos vs. Shield

Ambrose and Punk get us going with CM being driven into the corner, only to have Punk whip him over to the other Shield members. Off to Rollins who grabs a hammerlock but Punk counters into a headlock so he can loudly shout spots in Rollins’ ear. A neckbreaker puts Seth down for two and it’s off to Jey for a running headbutt. He puts Seth in a Boston crab as the now legal Jimmy drops a leg on the back of Seth’s head.

A leg lariat puts Seth down and it’s back to Jey for a superkick to the chest. Ambrose is sent to the floor but Reigns blocks a big dive from Jey as we take a break. Back with Reigns driving a headbutt into Jimmy’s chest and getting two off the Superman Punch. Rollins comes in with a backsplash for two and we hit the neck crank. Seth goes up but gets crotched down, only to have Ambrose come in to break up the hot tag attempt.

Jimmy breaks a chinlock with a jawbreaker and elbows his way out of a belly to back superplex attempt. Reigns comes in with Jimmy still on the top and gets taken down by a top rope cross body. Rollins knocks Jey off the apron but can’t stop the tag to Punk. CM comes in with a springboard clothesline and the running knee in the corner. Ambrose distracts Punk from dropping the Macho Elbow and Rollins crotches him on the top.

Punk rolls through a crossbody to put Rollins in the Anaconda Vice but Reigns makes the save. Another Superman Punch puts Jey down and we get down to the legal Punk vs. Rollins. Seth crawls over and tags in Dean who hits a butterfly superplex on Punk for two. Punk comes back with a GTS attempt but drops him before Reigns can launch the spear. A double superkick drops Roman and Seth gets backdropped to the floor. The twins hit stereo dives and the GTS ends Ambrose at 13:48.

Rating: B-. Good stuff here as you would expect, even with Ambrose taking the fall again. I’m assuming they’re building up to Reigns calling Ambrose out for all of the losses but get the title off of him if that’s where they’re going. If nothing else Shield hasn’t turned into a joke and they’re potentially splitting while still having awesome matches.

A video from Bray Wyatt talking about Bryan needing the Family to be his home ends the show.

Overall Rating: C. They focused on the tag stuff again tonight but the taping schedule messed a few things up. It’s annoying that we have to wait for Monday for anything on Bryan but it’s better to do it on a big Raw than on a regular Smackdown anyway. This is another show that you didn’t need to see but it was a fine enough way to spend two hours.

Results

Usos b. Shield via DQ when Dean Ambrose interfered

R-Truth b. Fandango – Little Jimmy

Goldust/Cody Rhodes b. Wyatt Family – O’Connor roll to Rowan

Nikki Bella b. Aksana – Torture rack backbreaker

Big E. Langston b. Curtis Axel – Big Ending

CM Punk/Usos b. Shield – GTS to Ambrose

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Smackdown
Date: December 27, 2013
Location: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

It’s the final blue show of the year and I don’t remember anything being announced on Raw. The main story from Monday was Big E. Langston/Cena/Punk running off the Shield after being them for the DQ, meaning it’s payback time tonight. We’re getting closer to the Rumble and have less than 100 days until Wrestlemania so the times are getting exciting. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Cena to get things going. After looking at a clip of the end of Raw, Cena says the last Smackdown of the year is even more important than that. Tonight the WWE Universe is going to ring in the new year so we need NOISE. They have to have fun tonight because after the new year everyone has to worry about new year’s resolutions.

Cena would like to give a bear hug to a real bear or star in a 1-800-Fella commercial or land the lead role in a musical production of No Holds Barred (dead silence on that line) or make a hip hop album with Great Khali (lukewarm) or reboot an animated Manimal series with Michael Cole in the lead role or, and only if he has time, get started early on his XFL fantasy team (nice chuckle).

There’s one other thing he wants to do: gain forty pounds. Luckily for him he doesn’t have to wait for the new year because the WWE World Heavyweight Championship weighs about forty pounds and he has a rematch clause. If Orton is listening he can get out here right now but instead here’s Shield. They surround the ring and easily take Cena down but here’s Mark Henry for the save. When that doesn’t work, Big E. Langston comes out for the real save to clear the ring. Kane comes out on stage and makes three singles matches for tonight: Langston vs. Ambrose (non-title), Reigns vs. Henry and Rollins vs. Cena.

Usos vs. Wyatt Family

Before the match we get a clip of the Family throwing Bryan off a ledge last week. The Usos send the monsters to the floor and Jey takes Rowan down with a dive. Jimmy gets two off a rollup to Harper and a Whisper in the Wind gets the same. Rowan makes a blind tag and takes Jimmy’s head off with a clothesline. A splash is enough to pin Jimmy in just 1:10.

Post match Bray gives Jey Sister Abigail.

Renee Young asks Randy Orton if he has any new year’s resolutions. Orton says he’s beaten everyone else in the company so maybe he’ll win the Royal Rumble so he can spend Wrestlemania in a skybox writing his Hall of Fame introduction speech. Ziggler comes up and says he’ll shut Orton up tonight. Orton promises an RKO until Kane comes in to make the match for later. Ziggler leaves and Kane says backstage must be a safe zone, but out there anything goes.

Cody Rhodes vs. Antonio Cesaro

Colter’s sign this week: “Press 1 for English, press 2 for INS.” Cesaro is now residing in the US. This is fallout from Main Event when Cody went after Cesaro for interfering in a Swagger vs. Goldust match. Cody grabs a headlock to start as the announcers talk about Kane being the eyes and ears of the Authority tonight. Cody takes Cesaro to the mat and then out to the floor where Goldust gives Antonio a deep breath.

Back in and Cesaro punches Cody in the jaw and kicks him out to the floor. After a Goldust staredown leads nowhere, Cesaro takes Rhodes back inside for a pummeling in the corner. Cody quickly breaks out of a chinlock and comes back with a front suplex for two but a Swagger distraction lets Cesaro get in a cheap shot and a rollup for the pin at 4:11.

Rating: D+. Another match that changes nothing as we wait for the title match that may never come. I’m not a fan of champions losing but at least this was a singles match instead of yet another tag loss. On the good side though, Cesaro getting a pin in a singles match is a nice thing to see and hopefully the first of many.

Prime Time Players vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

I refuse to refer to them as “Rybaxel.” Ryback pounds on Young to start but Darren scores with a right hand to the jaw and a dropkick to the knee. Off to Titus for the front suplex to Darren onto Ryback for no cover. A hard shoulder puts Ryback down but Axel gets in a knee to O’Neil’s back to take him down. Curtis chokes him in the corner (“BARK LIKE A DOG!”) before it’s quickly back to Ryback for a front facelock.

The heels take turns on O’Neil in the corner with Axel slapping him in the back of the head, only to run into a big boot. Darren gets the tag and scores with an overhead belly to belly on Axel before getting two off a northern lights suplex. Everything breaks down and Ryback is clotheslined to the floor, allowing Young to pin Axel at 4:51.

Rating: D+. The underlying problems with the tag division continues: it doesn’t matter if you build up teams if the teams are boring and keep trading meaningless wins with no advancement in sight. This match doesn’t change anything for either team and doesn’t move the Players up towards a title program, at least not anytime soon.

We get a clip from the 50 Years of WWE DVD focusing on Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler

Another non-title match. Ziggler now has a streak of pink hair which leaves JBL stunned. Dolph gets taken into the corner but comes back with a shot to the jaw to send the champion out to the floor. Back in and Orton headlocks him down and takes Ziggler’s head off with a clothesline. Dolph comes back with right hands in the corner and the big jumping elbow for two. I guess the ten elbow drops spot is long gone.

Orton pulls Ziggler face first into the middle buckle to take over again and walks around very slowly. He walks around too long though and Ziggler gets in a dropkick, sending Orton to the floor and us to a break. Back with Orton stomping away on a fallen Ziggler. Randy puts on a reverse chinlock for a bit but Ziggler gets out with a jawbreaker. Dolph pounds away in the corner and scores with a neckbreaker before getting two off a neckbreaker.

The Fameasser misses but Ziggler avoids the powerslam and gets two off a jumping DDT. Dolph gets crotched on the top but breaks up a superplex attempt. A bad looking missile dropkick gets two and Orton is sent shoulder first into the post (same thing Orton did to him during a break). A bulldog gets two for Ziggy but Orton pokes him in the eye and RKOs Ziggler for the pin at 13:20.

Rating: B-. I like the ending with Orton taking the easy way out again, just like Cena accused him of doing leading up to TLC. The match was the usual good stuff from these guys as they’ve shown that they have chemistry. Ziggler getting to show off a little bit is much better than seeing him in nothing matches against Fandango.

Post match Orton takes Ziggler outside and gives him the Elevated DDT off the barricade.

Shield says they’ll win all their matches tonight. Cena vs. Rollins sounds promising.

Daniel Bryan vs. Damien Sandow

JBL wants to know why there was a good Santa and a bad Santa on Monday. Cole: “That’s the way the story was written?” JBL: “WHAT KIND OF AN ANSWER IS THAT???” Bryan fires off some kicks in the corner to start followed by some knees to the ribs to put Sandow down. Damien comes back with some forearms to the back and sends Daniel out to the floor. The Russian legsweep sets up the Wind-Up Elbow for two and we hit the crossface chickenwing. Back up and Bryan hits the running clothesline and dropkick in the corner to set up the top rope hurricanrana. The YES Kicks set up the running knee for the pin at 4:01.

Rating: D+. Just a quick win here for Bryan in the kind of matches I wouldn’t mind seeing more of. Well, more of as long as the opponents change every now and then and we don’t have to sit through the same pairing every week. Sandow doesn’t lose anything here as he’s not ready to beat someone on Bryan’s level so there’s nothing bad in this whole thing.

Post match Bray appears on stage and says he realizes that Bryan is the one the people want. That means Bray has to destroy him.

Dean Ambrose vs. Big E. Langston

Neither title is on the line. In addition to the other Shield members, Cena and Henry are both at ringside as well. Langston shoves Ambrose into the corner to start and drives shoulders into the ribs but gets clotheslined down. Dean pounds away with rights and lefts on the mat before hitting the running dropkick against the ropes.

We hit the chinlock for a bit before Ambrose goes up top, only to be slammed down like a ham sandwich being thrown off a cliff. A belly to belly puts Ambrose down again but he sends Langston to the floor for a standoff. No brawling ensues and Ambrose throws Langston back inside, only to have the big man run Dean over, setting up the Big Ending for the pin at 2:46. That was close. I thought they wouldn’t have Ambrose job clean again before the year was out.

Reigns comes in for the showdown with Langston but Henry moves Big E. out of the way.

Mark Henry vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns wants a test of strength to start but headbutts Henry instead. A hard clothesline sends Reigns to the floor and a headbutt from Henry puts him down. Back in and a big boot to the jaw puts Reigns down as the slow pace continues. Roman snaps Henry’s throat across the top rope and gets two off the Superman Punch. We hit a chinlock on Henry for a bit but he comes back with the JYD headbutts. Reigns will have nothing to do with that jive turkey nonsense and lifts Henry up for a Samoan drop. Another Superman Punch and the spear are good for the pin on Mark at 4:01.

Rating: D. Reigns looked good but he had to work through a lot of Mark Henry suck. It’s a good sign that he’s pinning former world champions clean in four minutes though. There’s a BIG future for Reigns and the fact that these wins are becoming more and more natural are telling signs for him.

John Cena vs. Seth Rollins

There’s a lot of time left for this. Cena quickly takes him down and works on a hammerlock. Back up and Cena sends Seth to the floor with a hiptoss for a meeting with Shield. Back in and Rollins gets in some shots to knock Cena into the corner. Rollins blocks a bulldog and drops a knee for two before putting on a cobra clutch of all things. Cena tries to fight out and gets caught in a one arm camel clutch, only to fight up and drive Rollins into the corner to escape.

Rollins gets a boot up in the corner to stop a charging John and gets two off a neckbreaker as we take a break. Back with Rollins firing off right hands to the jaw. Cena is sent into the corner but he reverses a whip into the corner to put both guys down again. John tries a comeback but gets caught in a quick Downward Spiral into the middle buckle. Rollins does You Can’t See Me but Cena counters a neckbreaker into the ProtoBomb and hits the Shuffle. Rollins flips out of the AA and hits a Buff Blockbuster (that’s a finisher that needs to be pulled out of mothballs) for two.

Cena gets taken down by a Stinger Splash but avoids the second attempt. He grabs a half nelson and lifts Rollins up before spinning into what was supposed to be a neckbreaker. Cena landed a foot or so away from Rollins but luckily the move could have passed for a half nelson slam. Rollins kicks out at two so Cena goes up, only to get knocked down to the mat.

The standing Sliced Bread #2 gets another near fall for Seth but Cena comes back with a Batista Bomb (not gimmick infringement just yet) for two. Cena tries to pull Rollins away from the ropes but Seth lands on his feet again and hits a jumping enziguri for a VERY close two. Rollins gets the same off a top rope knee to the face and the frustration sets in. The Black Out (running curb stomp) is countered in the STF but Rollins is into the ropes before too much damage can be done.

Ambrose tries to come in but gets picked off by Langston before he can make any contact. Dean is thrown over the announce table but Reigns hits a running clothesline to drop Langston. Henry throws Reigns onto Ambrose as Cena rolls through Rollins’ cross body into the AA for the pin at 17:40.

Rating: B+. I was digging the heck out of this match and I was so glad that the ending wasn’t a DQ. Rollins looked outstanding in there as he continues to prove his worth once the Shield breaks up. I could see him being the next Kofi Kingston, having awesome matches with anyone they put him out there with but never getting the big break. That’s not a bad career to have at all.

Overall Rating: B-. This took some time to get going and the main event was by far the best part of the show. The first half of the show is only ok but the Orton vs. Ziggler match along with Rollins vs. Cena more than make up for it. This was using the old formula of wrestling on Smackdown and that’s what was needed after a more entertainment based Raw. It’s a nice way to close out the year and hopefully a good way to get us into 2014.

Results

Wyatt Family b. Usos – Splash to Jimmy

Antonio Cesaro b. Cody Rhodes – Rollup

Prime Time Players b. Ryback/Curtis Axel – Rollup to Axel

Randy Orton b. Dolph Ziggler – RKO

Daniel Bryan b. Damien Sandow – Running knee

Big E. Langston b. Dean Ambrose – Big Ending

Roman Reigns b. Mark Henry – Spear

John Cena b. Seth Rollins – AA

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Part one of a double shot today as I forgot to put anything up yesterday.

Rookie of the year is a tricky award in wrestling.  What do you classify as a rookie?  Bray Wyatt debuted in WWE in 2013, but Husky Harris was around years ago.  There’s little argument that Shield has been a force in WWE, but they had one match in 2012.  It’s hard to come up with official criteria, but for the sake of these we’ll go with any new character in 2013.  I’ll leave Shield off because they’ll win enough this year.  Based on that, there are a lot of nominees this year.

A few honorable mentions:

Sami Zayn.  If you watch NXT, you get this one immediately.  Sami Zayn is the former El Generico and is currently chasing Bo Dallas’ NXT Title.  He is about as perfect an underdog as you can ask for and has put on some outstanding matches against guys like Antonio Cesaro and Jack Swagger.  He’s going to move up to WWE one day and will fit like a glove.

Ethan Carter III. He’s the Rick Rude of modern wrestling.  Now before you old school fans jump down my throat, think about this for a minute.  Rude was a glorified comedy wrestler in the WWF but once he jumped to WCW, he became a killer and the top heel in the company for over a year.  Carter was as goofy as you could ask a wrestler to be in WWE but he jumped over to TNA and is now playing a solid heel.  The guy is going to be a big deal in TNA and is a rare instance of TNA getting a good steal from WWE.

Now for some actual nominees.

Wyatt Family.  These guys are CREEPY.  If you watch Survivor Series 1990, the crowd goes silent for Undertaker’s debut.  Not because they’re bored, but because they have no idea what to make of the guy in front of them.  That’s the vibe I get from these guys.  Wyatt is so perfect for the character it’s unreal as well as a good sign.  Instead of lettting him be Husky Harris and having him lose for a year before cutting him, they realized the talent that was there and found something that fit him perfectly.

However, he might not have the most potential out of all of them.  I dig Luke Harper more and more every time he’s out there.  That discus clothesline of his is AWESOME and looks like it could take anyone out.  The look in his eyes is just disturbing and he’s got a great finisher to top it off.  What more can you ask for from a guy?  He’s got a future once the Family breaks up and the gimmick change is so easy too.

Now for the winner: Big E. Langston.  This guy is actually a rookie by WWE’s standards and looks like he’s going to be a big deal for a long time.  He’s been treated like a monster (save for that stupid loss to Del Rio) and is already in the main event scene.  They’re actually protecting this guy and he has the promo skills to back it up.  Considering he only started wrestling about four years ago and is just 27 years old, that’s remarkable.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 23, 2013
Location: Frank Erwin Center, Austin, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

Tonight is the taped Christmas special featuring the potentially amazing Damien Sandow vs. Mark Henry battle to save Christmas. Again, it’s the 400lb monster who talks about splitting wigs fighting a Latin speaking know it all to prevent Christmas from being canceled. There is no way this won’t be awesome. Let’s get to it.

We open with Santa Henry and Damien Claus taking turns reading their own versions of the WWE Night Before Christmas. Henry’s reindeer: Stone Cold, Hitman and Sexy. Sandow’s: Mountie, Blassie and Irwin R. Schyster.

The Christmas set looks awesome with presents, trees and even snow falling in the arena.

Here’s the Authority in Santa hats with Kane handing out Christmas candy. They even have an elf in a suit. Stephanie and Hunter talk about how important it is to give back around this time of year and hype up the Battle of the Santas. We’re also getting the Rhodes Brothers/Bryan vs. the Wyatt Family plus Shield vs. Langston/Punk/Cena. I’m sold. HHH starts to leave but Orton interrupts him, still with both belts but he puts the WHC under the WWE Title for his promo.

He’s thankful for the Authority having his back lately and wants to give them a gift in return. Their gift is one of a kind and comes wrapped in a golden bow: the WWE World Heavyweight Champion. He thanks them for the night off and we get a group hug. Orton goes to leave and Kane quotes the end of Twas the Night Before Christmas and hits the post fire.

Vickie Guerrero/Tamina Snuka/Aksana/Alicia Fox/Summer Rae/Kaitlyn vs. Total Divas

AJ is on commentary wearing a Grinch shirt while everyone else is in a holiday outfit of some kind. Everyone tags in and out quickly so fast that I can’t keep up with them. Naomi hits a nice hurricanrana on Alicia before it’s back to Cameron for a double suplex. We get some stripper dancing and a double splits legdrop before it’s back to I think Nikki for some clotheslines.

Fox grabs a northern lights suplex into a perfect bridge for two before it’s off to Vickie. Guerrero immediately runs away from Nikki and it’s off to Aksana vs. Natalya. Everything quickly breaks down and the Total Divas do what is either a creative or ridiculous crack the whip with each one hitting a clothesline. Natalya Sharpshooters Aksana for the win at 3:49.

Rating: N/A. This was nothing resembling a match and the outfits weren’t even all that sexy. The crack the whip sequence (it started with Natalya hitting a clothesline before she locked arms with Brie who hit a clothesline and went on until it was all six) gets stupider every time I think about it. They’re booking themselves into a corner with the Total Divas as AJ is just so much better than they are but someone is going to have to take the title eventually.

Curtis Axel vs. Sin Cara

Cara cuts a quick promo wishing us a Merry Christmas before the match. There’s another thing he has up on Mistico. Curtis gets in a few quick shots to start but a headscissors puts him on the floor. Axel slams him onto the apron and into the post to take over. We head inside for a front facelock as JBL compares Cara to other evil masked men over the years, including Hannibal Lecter and Darth Vader.

Axel rubs the masked face into the mat but Cara makes a comeback by sending Axel to the floor for a nice flip dive. Back inside and Cara gets two off a springboard clothesline and a handspring elbow gets the same. Something resembling a Samoan drop sets up the Swanton for the pin at 5:26.

Result: D. This felt way longer than five and a half minutes. Axel just has nothing special about him and a complete lack of character doesn’t help him at all. It’s time to repackage the guy and let him do ANYTHING else to get over again. Hunico on the other hand is thriving in this role and is everything WWE was hoping Mistico would have been.

We recap the handicap tag from Smackdown with Cena and Punk beating Shield by DQ. Langston made the post match save, setting up the six man tonight.

Damien Sandow makes a little girl cry.

Bad News Barrett collected donations for something on the streets earlier….and that’s it. For now I’m assuming.

Video on Bryan vs. the Wyatts, including them injuring Bryan on Smackdown. Bray continues to disturb.

Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Wyatt Family

Rowan and Cody get things going with Rhodes taking over on the arm. Cody drags him into the corner for a tag off to Goldust who drives in some shoulders. Off to Bryan for a big pop but Rowan throws him around with ease. Back to Goldust who gets to face Harper with the big man sending him into the corner. Goldust grabs a cravate of all things and puts his boot on the top rope for Cody to tag. That’s certainly bizarre.

Bryan comes back in for kicks to Harper’s leg and avoids a big boot in the corner to crotch Harper. Luke gets caught in the Tree of Woe and dropkicks in the face. He bails to the corner and Bryan wants Bray but gets a commercial instead. We come back with Harper putting Cody in a front facelock and Gator Rolling him for good measure. Cody fights back with a running clothesline and tags off to his brother. An atomic drop and kick to the jaw have Harper in trouble and Goldust rains right hands down in the corner.

A middle rope hurricanrana of all things put Harper down but he comes right back with a big boot. Now we get Bray for some hard elbow drops and the upside down look out of the corner. Back to Harper to break up a tag attempt but he quickly tags out to Rowan for a neck crank. We get a claw of all things with Cole asking when was the last time you saw that. The answer would be Friday when Rowan used it on Smackdown, which was taped after this to be fair.

Anyway Goldust comes back with a DDT to Harper and tags in Bryan to speed things up. Daniel fires off the kicks to Rowan and the Swan Dive connects. Instead of covering though Daniel has to go after Bray who leads Bryan right into Rowan. A staredown on the floor takes us to our second break. Back with Bray beating on a helpless Daniel before it’s back to Rowan for some stomping. Daniel finally comes back with a tornado DDT and we get the hot tag to Cody.

A nice springboard missile dropkick puts Harper down and there’s a Disaster Kick to knock Rowan off the apron. The moonsault press gets two and everything breaks down. Bryan takes Wyatt down with a missile dropkick and the FLYING GOAT drops Bray again. Rowan saves his leader but it’s Goldust diving off the apron to take Erick out. Cody hits the Disaster Kick to Harper but Bray makes a blind tag and hits Sister Abigail (complete with a quick kiss to the forehead) for the pin on Cody at 22:28.

Rating: B-. This match flew by in a good way. I’m not wild on the champions losing again but it looks like we’re headed for Wyatts against the Brothers which should be an awesome match if given time. Bray vs. Daniel has a ton of potential and the blowoff match will be great when we get there.

Post match Bray has the Family hold Bryan while he shouts that he can take Daniel’s pain away. The lights go out and come back on to show the Wyatts are at ringside.

Mark Henry makes a child happy.

More of Bad News Barrett collecting donations.

We get a Christmas Carol singing contest. Up first are Xavier Woods and R-Truth with O Holy Night. Woods can actually sing but Truth shouts various lines to screw it up. Next we have Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal who go back and forth on a bad rendition of Jingle Bells. Cole: “Was Jillian busy?” Khali and Santino go last with Deck the Halls. Khali handles the fa-la-la-la-laing and brings home the win for his team. 3MB are sore losers and get beaten up. The good guys wish us a Merry Christmas to end the segment. Stupid filler but it could have been worse.

Fandango vs. Dolph Ziggler

This is a Christmas present on a pole match. The present: an Intercontinental Title shot next week. We start with a string of failed climb attempt with Ziggler battling his trunks more than Fandango. Fandango tries a powerbomb out of the corner but gets countered into a Fameasser. Ziggler goes for the present but a hard clothesline sends him into the post and out to the floor. Both guys go for the present but Fandango gets in a kick to the head to hang Ziggler upside down. Dolph fights back to crotch the dancer but gets rammed into the post again, knocking him into the steps. Fandango grabs the present for the win at 4:45.

Rating: D. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but that might have been the right idea. The best thing out of all this though: it seems we’re moving away from they’re moving away from the beat the champ to get a title shot style of booking. I have no idea what’s so bad about having someone beat a string of opponents and getting a title shot as a result. Also Ziggler building himself up in the midcard is as good as he can hope for at the moment.

Here are the Prime Time Players with Darren saying we’re in Houston instead of Austin. The fans are all over Darren as Titus says the three things the Players want for Christmas: a win tonight, a title shot, and everyone to join them in the Millions of Dollars dance.

Prime Time Players vs. Usos

Titus shoulder blocks Jey down to start and leapfrogs over him in a nice athletic display. He picks Jey up for a fallaway slam but drops him to the side in a different style move. Off to Darren who gets suplexed down onto Jey for two but walks into an armdrag. Jimmy comes in as the fans chant THIS IS AUSTIN.

We hit the armbar on Young before Jey comes back in with an ax handle to the arm. The arm hold stays on until the fans are nearly silent. Young comes back with a northern lights suplex and a clothesline but Jimmy comes in off a blind tag. A Samoan drop puts Young down and Titus is sent to the floor, allowing Jey (who dons a Rudolph nose) to hit the Superfly Splash on Darren for the pin at 4:55.

Rating: D. This was REALLY dull for most of the match as those arm holds just brought the match to a screeching halt. The face vs. face idea was interesting but the execution didn’t work at all for the most part. I don’t know if they were tired or what but the match didn’t do it for me.

Everyone dances post match.

We get a tale of the tape between good and bad Santa. It’s completely gimmicked complete with sleigh model, gifts they plan to give (Xbox vs. onions) and favorite hobbies (filling stockings vs. throwing snowballs at carolers). This is going to be GREAT.

Good Santa vs. Bad Santa

Sandow of course brings coal to the ring, but more importantly he comes out to Xanta Claus’ theme song. Look him up. Henry opens a present to reveal a toilet and shoves Sandow’s face in the bowl. JBL: “This is like George Bailey vs. Mr. Potter.” Damien gets a present of his own to reveal a fire extinguisher…..which doesn’t work. Henry shoves him down and pulls out the pin (safety first you see) and hoses Damien down. They head up the ramp and Sandow finds a candy kendo stick. He beats Henry down and shoves over a Christmas tree, drawing the most heat of his entire career.

Henry breaks the stick and shoves Sandow down the aisle. Damien grabs a star off the top of a tree which is too much for JBL to take. Henry knocks Sandow into the tree and they head back inside where Sandow still can’t get the extinguisher to work. Mark sprays him down again and hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 3:15.

Rating: A+. A 400lb muscle man just beat a Latin speaking know it all to save Christmas. If you don’t get why this is an A+, you don’t understand entertainment.

Henry shoves Christmas cupcakes in Sandow’s face post match.

Punk is very happy to have Langston and Cena as his partners. Cena wants Langston to knock Reigns’ teeth in and to give Rollins an Attitude Adjustment. Also they need to Ambrose a pillow because he’s going to sleep.

Real Americans vs. Los Matadores

Before the match Colter says more immigrants need to be like Santa: leave the same day they arrive. Also it’s Merry Christmas, not Feliz Navidad. Torito is in white for some reason tonight. Cesaro pounds on I believe Diego to get things going but Diego flips over Antonio’s back and hurricanranas him down. A flying headscissors puts Cesaro down but a middle rope hurricanrana is caught in the Cesaro Swing. This might be the longest one ever, going over thirty seconds.

Diego rolls to the floor and we get a switch, allowing Fernando to get a small package for two. The third blind tag of the night brings Diego back in for a top rope cannonball and a near fall. Diego goes up top as Cesaro sends Fernando into the barricade. Torito gores Cesaro and Diego pins Swagger with a high cross body at 3:25.

Rating: D-. Dang it why do these things have to be long enough to rate? I’d like to reiterate that Los Matadores and Torito simply are not funny. I know they’re not aimed at my age bracket, but I do not find them funny in the slightest. The match was there for the Swing and Gore spots and that’s not enough to carry something like this.

We recap the handicap match from Smackdown again.

Kofi Kingston vs. Ryback

Ryback shoves Kofi down to start but gets caught by a forearm to the face. A dropkick sends Ryback to the corner and out to the floor, allowing Kofi to hit a HUGE flip dive. Ryback barely caught him but Kingston appears to be ok. Back in and Kofi hits a hard clothesline to send him back to the floor and take over.

Ryback chops him against the ropes and puts on a bearhug. Kofi’s cross body is countered into a suplex in a nice move but Ryback’s middle rope splash lands on boots. Kofi comes back with a middle rope dropkick and the Boom Drop, followed by a nice springboard cross body for two. Ryback shrugs it off and drops Kofi face first onto the buckle. There’s the Meat Hook and Kofi is Shell Shocked for the pin at 4:45.

Rating: C-. Not a bad power vs. speed match here but again it doesn’t have time to go anywhere. Ryback getting a clean win is a good sign for him and as always, Kofi loses nothing by getting pinned. There’s still money in Ryback if he’s used properly, but WWE seems incapable of pulling that off.

Bad News Barrett’s bad news: he’s keeping the money.

Shield says Punk needs help because he’s in pain. Rollins talks about how many times Cena and Punk have tried this before and they know the result. Reigns says Langston is in the deep end of the pool now. Believe in the Shield.

John Cena/Big E. Langston/CM Punk vs. Shield

Cena and Rollins get things started with Seth’s speed not being able to do anything of note on the power guy. Cena shoulder blocks Rollins down and it’s off to Reigns for the big showdown. Right hands have Reigns staggered but he hits a Samoan drop to gain control as we take our last break. Back with Rollins scoring with a knee for two on Cena before bringing Ambrose back in.

Dean hooks a sleeper to get the crowd into things a bit. Cena cuts out the middle man by walking over to the corner and tagging Punk while still in the hold. Smart man that Cena. Punk comes in to clean house with the swining neckbreaker and knee in the corner to Ambrose. A Reigns distraction breaks up the Macho Elbow however and Ambrose suplexes Punk on the floor.

Back in and we get Shield cutting the ring off because old school tag team wrestling isn’t dead. Reigns drops Punk with a knee to the ribs and smirks over to the good guys in the corner. I love little stuff like that. We get a bearhug on Punk followed by a chinlock from Reigns but he comes back with a belly to back suplex. Dean comes in without a tag to knock Cena to the floor and Reigns hits him with something the camera missed.

Punk finally breaks free and makes the hot tag so Langston can clean house. He doesn’t get to fight Reigns though as everything breaks down and Reigns spears Cena down. The Big Ending looks to finish Ambrose but his partners make the save, drawing a weak DQ at 16:00.

Rating: C. This was just there to send the fans home happy and it worked well enough. Langston vs. Reigns has the potential to be something very special but more importantly they’ve both been protected. It’s so rare anymore to see guys actually get built up with few blemishes and the payoff will be sweet.

Ambrose and Rollins get an AA and GTS respectively, followed by all three good guys’ musics playing to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a very laid back and entertaining show but it overstayed its welcome a bit. The lesson to be learned here is that it’s nice to have some time between PPVs where you can just have a throwaway show like this which doesn’t mean much of anything long term. Having everything be serious all the time gets old fast so it was nice to mix things up a bit here. We got some decent matches and a fun Christmas match and that’s all you can ask for on a show like this.

Results

Total Divas b. Vickie Guerrero/Tamina Snuka/Aksana/Alicia Fox/Summer Rae/Kaitlyn – Sharpshooter to Aksana

Sin Cara b. Curtis Axel – Swanton Bomb

Wyatt Family b. Cody Rhodes/Goldust/Daniel Bryan – Sister Abigail to Rhodes

Fandango b. Dolph Ziggler – Fandango pulled down the present

Good Santa b. Bad Santa – World’s Strongest Slam

Ryback b. Kofi Kingston – SHell Shock

CM Punk/John Cena/Big E. Langston b. Shield via DQ when Shield triple teamed Langston

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 16, 2013
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

Well it’s the night after the BIGGEST MATCH EVER and Randy Orton is still world champion, just like he was going into the show. The Authority seems to be ok with these circumstances though the returning Vince didn’t seem completely thrilled. Other than that, Bryan lost to the Wyatts and the Shield is going to be having some problems as we get closer to Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.

We open with the roster on the stage with HHH and Stephanie in the ring. The Authority talks about what a huge moment last night was with a new Champion of Champions being crowned. Orton is introduced and just like Jericho 12 years ago, has both belts around his shoulders. Randy talks about how amazing he is and how he takes any opportunity that is given to him. Cena can be seen looking upset on the stage.

Last week Orton stood in the ring with 20 other superstars and now he’s the champion of champions. Orton goes to brag about himself even more when Cena cuts him off by calling Randy an idiot. Here’s what Orton is going to say: “Viper, viper, apex, apex, apex, handcuffs (“Those were clever by the way”), and now I’ve saved these people twenty minutes.” However Stone Cold Steve Austin has said that being champion means you have to put up or shut up every night, and that’s true for Orton tonight.

Cena isn’t talking about himself though. Last week he told a certain someone getting the first title shot if he won, and that means Orton should face Daniel Bryan tonight. Orton calls for security to get rid of both guys but Cena says Orton is just scared. Randy says no way, even though he doesn’t have to listen to anyone. Stephanie: “Except for us.” HHH says Bryan doesn’t deserve a title shot yet, but the Authority always listens to the fans. Orton protests but HHH makes the match anyway.

Rey Mysterio/Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust

This is non-title and determined by a fan vote with the other options being the Real Americans and Ryback/Axel. Mysterio sends Cody to the floor to start and hits a nice baseball slide. Rey actually hits that slide into a splash which is usually a bump instead of a move. Back inside and Cody pulls Rey off the top before the Disaster Kick hits for two. Goldust drops a knee to the back of Mysterio’s head for two and drops some more knees to Rey’s arm. Back to Cody who runs into a Big Show clothesline as we take a break.

We come back to see Big Show slamming Cole as the announcers take pictures of themselves for no apparent reason. Big Show shrugs off some shots to the face and puts on something resembling a cobra clutch as the announcers take more pictures and talk about tweeting the picture. We’re now at about a minute straight with the match being completely ignored.

Big Show has Cody almost out cold and the fans want Goldust. The Final Cut gets two on Cody so Big Show goes to the middle rope. Cody avoids an elbow drop to prevent death and makes the hot tag off to Goldust. The painted one tries to fire away on Show but walks into a chokeslam. Cody breaks it up at two but is sent to the floor, allowing Big Show to knock Goldust silly. Rey splashes Goldust from Show’s shoulders for the pin at 12:39.

Rating: C-. The match was a glorified squash as Big Show dominated everything while he was in there. I’d assume we’re leading to the Rhodes split before they fight each other at Wrestlemania, even though they’re as good as any team we’ve seen in a long time. That’s the problem of writing instead of booking. The logical move would be to have the two of them team until they were running out o steam, but the end goal is the split so that’s what we’re getting, period.

Goldust is helped to his feet post match. Mysterio is clearly limping.

We get an amusing vignette for a Good Santa vs. Bad Santa match with Mark Henry and Damien Sandow playing the respective characters.

Bad News Barrett says there’s a lot of money to be won in the lottery but none of us will win it. He has a gavel now too.

Orton comes in to yell at the Authority some more but they talk to him about how serious it is to be undisputed champion. He has to do twice the work now and they hope he can handle it.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Fandango

This is a rematch of last night’s bad pre show match. Ziggler quickly dropkicks him down and sends Fandango to the floor, only to have the dancer clothesline Ziggler down. Back in and Fandango punches Dolph in the face and suplexes him down for two. We hit the reverse chinlock for a bit on Ziggler but he comes back with a quick rollup for the pin at 3:27. It’s as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: D. Well this happened. There was nothing to the match and I have no idea why we had to watch it two nights in a row. Odds are we’re going to see it again next week in a rubber match because WWE writers can’t come up with another idea for these guys so they just have them fight over and over again. Nothing to see here.

Real Americans vs. Big E. Langston/Mark Henry

Swagger and Langston get things going with Big E. leapfrogging Jack and running him down with a shoulder. Off to Cesaro as Cole talks about Snap Chat, which is apparently a social media site. The fans think OU (Oklahoma University, Swagger’s alma mater) sucks. Henry throws Langston into the corner for a shoulder to Swagger’s ribs and Big E. hits an unassisted one of his own.

Mark drops down onto Swagger’s back a few times before it’s back to Langston for right hands in the corner. Some right hands let Jack tag in Cesaro, only to have Henry come in to throw Antonio around with ease. Langston gorilla presses him down and knocks Cesaro the floor for a lull in the match. Back in and Cesaro comes back with some shots to the ribs and Swagger pulls Langston so Swagger can stomp away.

Back with Cesaro cranking on Big E.’s arm before hitting a nice gutwrench suplex for two. Cesaro breaks up a tag attempt and catapults Langston into Swagger for a belly to belly throw for two. Langton comes back by throwing Swagger to the floor and suplexing Cesaro down, setting up the tag to Henry. A powerslam gets two on Antonio but he comes back with a clothesline. Langston breaks up the Cesaro Swing attempt to Henry and the Big Ending is good for the pin at 15:30.

Rating: D+. WAY too long here and the match dragged several times. I have no idea why they keep jobbing the Real Americans and wasting Cesaro, as it’s not like the main event scene could use a new heel. Also, is it really necessary to make a team out of the two strong black guys? Are the writers that creatively bankrupt? That’s a rhetorical question as of course they are.

Weekly how to download the App video.

Bad Santa Sandow and his elves Tamina and AJ torment a young girl by telling her there are no presents this year and Christmas is canceled. The battle of the Santas is next Monday.

Ryback/Curtis Axel vs. Tons of Funk

Man alive there are a lot of tag matches tonight. Truth and Woods are on commentary. Axel dropkicks Tensai down to start before it’s off to Ryback who gets two off a powerslam. Tensai avoids a charge in the corner but Brodus walks away from the tag. Ryback Meat Hooks and Shell Shocks Tensai for the pin at 2:22.

Brodus beats up Tensai post match until Woods and Truth make the save. Truth asks the Funkadactyls come in for a dance to Brodus’ music. Brodus is furious. Cole dances at the announcers’ table, giving us this from JBL: “You are the worst white man in the history of dancing.”

Here’s Punk to talk about his win last night. He isn’t a big Christmas guy but he can’t believe he won last night. The war probably isn’t over, but he still thinks there’s more to Shield attacking him than meets the eye. Punk thinks there’s something to the idea that the Authority was behind Shield attacking him, which isn’t a big surprise. Everyone knows Punk isn’t one to get along with authority, especially when they’re trying to sweep him under the rug. He calls out HHH to hash all this out right now, but instead here’s Shawn Michaels.

Punk calls out HHH and Stephanie again but Shawn says he understands Punk’s problems with the Authority. The fans think Shawn sold out but when the chant dies out Shawn says they couldn’t keep it up. Shawn is right there with Punk being anti-authority and since he superkicked Punk last week, shouldn’t Punk’s problem be with him?

The fans chant one more match (Punk: “I’m sure I’ll have more than one more!”) and Punk says the 15 year old him was thrilled that Shawn kicked him in the face last week, but if Shawn does it again, Punk will be the one kicking. Shawn says he’s always liked Punk but what he’s about to do is going to hurt him more than it hurts Punk. He introduces Punk’s opponents: Shield, who were announced earlier tonight.

An App poll determines Punk’s partners. Shocking no one, the Usos crush the Prime Time Players and Los Matadores.

Usos/CM Punk vs. Shield

Jimmy slams Ambrose down to start before it’s off to Jey for a running forearm in the corner. Punk comes in to keep up the arm work before it’s off to Rollins vs. Jimmy. Seth is quickly taken down with an armbar as the match slows down. A hiptoss puts Rollins down and it’s back to Jey for an uppercut. Jey Cactus Clotheslines Seth to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Jey trying to fight out of a double team but getting caught in the corner again for some stomping by Rollins. Jey rolls away from the corner and tags in Jimmy to speed things up a bit. Jimmy gets two off a Samoan drop but Rollins enziguris him right back down. Shield starts their tagging in and out to work over Jimmy as the match slows down again. Reigns slams Jimmy down for two and we hit the chinlock.

Jimmy FINALLY kicks Roman in the face and tags in Punk to wake up the crowd. CM fights off the rest of the Shield at the same time with a DDT/neckbreaker combination to Ambrose and Rollins. Everything breaks down and Reigns is taken down by a Jey dive to the floor. Rollins throws Jey into the barricade but gets caught by a suicide dive. Ambrose charges into a right hand from Punk, setting up the Macho Elbow for two. The GTS puts Ambrose down again but Reigns comes in off a blind tag and spears Punk for the pin at 16:18.

Rating: C+. The match was decent enough but the fans seem to be getting burned out on these tag matches. I can’t say I disagree as this was the fourth tag match in less than two hours. It doesn’t help that we’ve seen the Usos vs. Shield about 95 times in the last few months with the Usos never really getting anywhere as a result.

We recap the opening segment.

The Wyatts interrupt some WWE 2K14 footage with Bray talking about the long process of bringing down the machine. Bryan is a miniscule ant trying to break through a scorpion’s armor. Bray told him he could take the pain away and is sorry for doubting Abigail. He understands what they have to do now and says if Bryan will not walk with the reapers, then he will burn with the saints. It was Harper finishing the statement, speaking for the first time ever I believe. The Family has been looking at something off camera while talking to Abigail. We pan over to see the empty rocking chair.

Bella Twins/Natalya vs. Alicia Fox/AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka

Since this feud just won’t die. Natalya grabs a quick rollup for two on Alicia before Fox can’t quite tilt-a-whirl slam the Canadian. Off to Brie who gets slammed off the middle rope for two before it’s off to Tamina to throw a shirt at Brie. We hit the chinlock as the match is dragging yet again. The announcers talk about the Will Ferrell movie Elf as Tamina slams Brie down. AJ gets the tag and the fans freak out, only to have Brie dropkick AJ down. The hot tag brings in Nikki who cleans house and puts AJ in a torture rack, only to have Tamina hit a GREAT superkick to put Nikki down. A Shining Wizard from AJ is enough to pin Nikki at 5:15.

Rating: C-. The match was saved by that kick alone. Even Shawn would have been jealous of that one. Tamina vs. AJ would seem to be the end goal of all this, but I’m not sure how we get there at this point. This was nothing of note for the most part as the Bellas trying to be all tough is more laughable than entertaining. That kick was sweet though.

Good Santa Henry with Bella and Horswoggle elves make a boy feel better by telling him that Christmas won’t be canceled. I know it’s stupid, I know it’s corny, I know they do it every year, but I can’t help but smile at these things.

Randy Orton doesn’t know why the Authority is listening to the fans.

Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan

Non-title, as acknowledged by Cole. Orton gets caught by an early shot to the head and bails outside, only to come back inside and get caught in a headlock. Randy counters into a headscissors but Bryan comes back with an Indian Deathlock, sending Orton out to the floor again. Back in and Bryan drops elbows on Orton’s knee before wrapping it around the post. The Beard wins a quick slugout and knees Orton in the ribs, followed by a kick to the same area.

Orton rakes Bryan’s eyes to get a breather but his Thesz Press is rolled through into a half crab. Randy makes the rope and gets in a stomp to Bryan’s arm, sending Bryan into the corner in agony. JBL praises Orton extensively as Orton goes after the arm and stomps on Bryan’s foot. We hit the armbar for a big before Orton wristdrags Daniel down. There’s the Orton circle stomp but Bryan comes back by biting Orton’s face. A running dropkick puts Orton on the floor but Randy sidesteps the FLYING GOAT, sending Bryan down onto his bad arm again.

Back with Orton holding a chinlock followed by a knee to the ribs, sending Bryan to the apron. Daniel gets knocked into the barricade and Orton drops him back first onto wall as well. Back in and a gorgeous superplex gets two on Bryan but he comes back again with the moonsault out of the corner and the running clothesline. Two straight running kicks in the corner set up a top rope hurricanrana but Bryan’s arm injury prevents the immediate cover. The fans are correct as they call this awesome.

Bryan gets caught in the backbreaker but gets a quick YES Lock attempt to stop Orton’s momentum. A catapult sends Bryan over the top but he skins the cat, only to get kicked in the ribs. The Elevated DDT drops Daniel again but the RKO is countered into a backslide for two. The big kick to Orton’s head gets the same and both guys are down. There’s the big YES chant and Bryan goes up top, only to get crotched down. Bryan breaks up another superplex attempt and scores with the swan dive for another near fall. The fans are losing their minds on these kickouts and with good reason.

More kicks in the corner have Orton in trouble but he misses a running kick to the opposite corner to give Randy a breather. A rollup gets two for Orton but he gets caught in the YES Lock out of nowhere. The hold isn’t on all the way though and Randy gets over to the rope and out to the floor. Now the FLYING GOAT connects and Bryan hits a leg lariat up against the barricade. Back in and the missile dropkick connects, setting up the chest kicks. Orton ducks the head kick and low blows Bryan for the LAME DQ at 25:00.

Rating: A-. Gah they were ROLLING until that ending. Bryan had me believing in him like he never has before and the match worked better than any of their previous bouts. Orton was in a zone out there which people often forget he can reach. Really good stuff here and the best match Randy has had in a good while.

Post match here’s Cena to go after Orton but he checks on Bryan, only to walk into an RKO. Orton poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. The show was good enough overall but the tag team overload was a bit much at times. It’s nice to see them focus on tag teams again, but it might help if the tag teams were actually interesting or, you know, good. The main event was outstanding stuff with Bryan’s arm stuff being very well done and it keeps some doors open for later. The Christmas special next week should be good and we have Punk setting his sights on the Authority to likely set up Wrestlemania. Good stuff but not a great show.

Results

Big Show/Rey Mysterio b. Cody Rhodes/Goldust – Splash to Goldust

Dolph Ziggler b. Fandango – Rollup

Big E. Langston/Mark Henry b. Real Americans – Big Ending to Cesaro

Ryback/Curtis Axel b. Tons of Funk – Shell Shock to Cesaro

Shield b. Usos/CM Punk – Spear to Punk

AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka/Alicia Fox b. Bella Twins/Natalya – Shining Wizard to Nikki

Daniel Bryan b. Randy Orton via DQ – Orton hit Bryan low

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Tables Ladders and Chairs 2013
Date: December 15, 2013
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We’re at the final PPV of the year and the main story tonight is of course the TLC title unification match between Orton and Cena to give us one world champion. It didn’t make a ton of sense when they did this in December of 2001 and it doesn’t make the most sense in December of 2013. This could headline Wrestlemania, but I guess they wants a big buyrate for December, so why not shoot everything they have at it and forget the incredible money it could draw four months from now. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Fandango vs. Dolph Ziggler

How was Ziggler world champion six months ago? Fandango puts him down with a shoulder block but walks into a nice dropkick. Ziggler is sent tot he floor and we take an early break. Back with Ziggler breaking out of a chinlock, only to get caught by a dropkick and rollup for two each. Dolph comes back with a quick Fameasser for two, causing Cole to say it’s shades of Billy Gunn, even though Ziggler has done more with that move than Gunn could ever dream of.

Ziggler pounds away in the corner and gets two off a clothesline. The Zig Zag is countered into a falcon’s arrow for two but he gets crotched going up top. Summer Rae distracts Ziggler though, allowing Fandango to hit the guillotine legdrop for the pin at 4:22. Too much was spent in the commercial to rate but the match was a glorified dark match with a surprise ending.

The pay per view opens with HHH and Stephanie coming to the arena. Vince was seen on the pre-show but is nowhere in sight here. Stephanie talks about what an important moment this is and acknowledges the crowd by saying YES, this is a huge moment. HHH says the World Championship dates back to Lou Thesz as champion (not true in the short version of a long story) and talks about how big tonight is.

The opening video talks about how the wrestling industry is defined by the champion and the future path of wrestling will be determined tonight. There will be only one if that wasn’t made clear.

Cole confirms that the winner will be the WWE World Heavyweight Champion which is the easiest layup possible.

CM Punk vs. Shield

Ambrose starts things up for Shield and feels Punk out a little bit. Punk wisely runs instead of being dragged into the Shield corner and shouts that he’s beaten Dean twice already so give someone else a shot. It’s off to Rollins so Punk bails to the floor to play some head games. Rollins chases him back into the ring and gets caught by some shoulders in the corner followed by three straight neckbreakers for two.

Seth fights up and brings in Reigns to throw Punk into the Shield corner. Rollins and Reigns make a wish on Punk’s legs before Seth hits a neckbreaker of his own. Back to Ambrose for some rib stomps before it’s off to Reigns for a hard clothesline. Shield is taking their time here instead of their usual fast tagging. Punk is thrown to the floor but still has enough in him to avoid Reigns’ spear over the announce table. Roman looks to have injured his eye when he went over the table.

Reigns is dazed but makes it back inside where Punk goes after his eyes. He rakes and punches away at it but Roman sends him outside again to get a breather. It’s off to Rollins as a doctor looks at Roman’s eye. A knee to Punk’s head is good for two but he shoves Rollins into Ambrose, knocking Dean to the floor. The high kick gets two on Seth and Punk speeds things up with ax handles to the face.

A great looking running knee in the corner sets up a high cross body for two and the Anaconda Vice is on. Ambrose makes a diving save and comes in off the tag. Dean loads up a superplex but gets headbutted down, setting up the Macho Elbow. The cover is delayed as Punk had to take out Rollins and Dean kicks out at two. Rollins charges in but gets caught in the GTS. Punk goes after Ambrose, only to sidestep a charging Reigns who spears Ambrose down by mistake. Punk sends him to the floor and gets the upset pin on Ambrose at 13:10.

Rating: C+. To clarify, Punk just beat the unbeatable Shield by pin with no outside interference. Let me guess: this is great, whereas if say Cena did this, it would be him playing Superman again. The match was fine but more storytelling than anything else. It should be interesting to see where Punk goes now, as he’s due for a return to the title picture after some time away.

AJ tells Renee that there’s only one Diva that matters around here. She isn’t on some silly reality show like Natalya and is going to be the one laughing after tonight. AJ is also counting days as champion now.

Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Natalya

Natalya is challenging. AJ takes her down to start with a headscissors before Natalya reverses into an armbar. A low dropkick has Natalya in trouble so she heads outside, only to be distracted by Tamina, allowing AJ to send her face first into the apron. Off to a chinlock by AJ followed by a spinwheel kick to the jaw. Natalya comes back and sends AJ into the corner, only to get caught in a nice guillotine choke.

The blonde powers out and hits a basement dropkick to the face followed by some clotheslines. Some suplexes set up the Sharpshooter and Natalya brings her back to the middle of the ring, only to have AJ kick free. The Black Widow goes on but Natalya rolls out, breaking it for the first time. A clothesline puts AJ down again but another Sharpshooter attempt is countered into a small package for the pin at 6:42.

Rating: C. There were some nice false finishes in there but I’m over Natalya challenging for the title. AJ has completely cleaned out the division except for Tamina, setting up the showdown whenever they go that way. I’m sure we’ll hear about AJ vs. Total Divas again though, because just beating them about five PPVs in a row isn’t enough proof of who is better.

The announcers play up that AJ pulled hair to get the small package.

We get a video package on the world titles that we’ve seen on Raw and Smackdown with Flair and Rhodes and others talking about what winning the title means.

Intercontinental Title: Big E. Langston vs. Damien Sandow

Before the match, Sandow tells the Texas crowd some assorted phrases that are worthless: y’all, ye if followed by haw, and Big E. Langston: Intercontinental Champion. Nice touch. Langston throws the challenger into the corner to start and hits a corner splash to keep Damien in trouble. They head outside with Langston in trouble, only to miss a charge into the post to change momentum.

Back in and Damien pounds away at Big E.’s head before putting on a chinlock. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two for Sandow and we’re back to the chinlock again. Langston powers out of the hold and drops Damien with an electric chair. A belly to belly sets up the Warrior Splash for two but the Big Ending is countered into an Edge-O-Matic for two by Sandow. Another Big Ending attempt is countered into a small package for two but Langston is done messing around. He runs Sandow over with ease and the Big Ending is enough to retain the title at 6:25.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing you wouldn’t see on Smackdown. These two did virtually the same match with the same story earlier this year for Langston’s NXT Title so there was some practice coming in. Langston has a bright future and a title defense on PPV isn’t going to hurt him at all.

Vince is in the back and shakes Orton’s hand. They appeared to be talking but there was no sound.

We recap Kofi attacking Miz on the pre-show, setting up a No DQ match later tonight.

Tag Titles: Real Americans vs. Big Show/Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Rhodes and Goldust are defending and this is elimination rules. Ryback and Axel have both beaten the champions in the last few weeks while Big Show and Mysterio have teamed together I believe once. Ryback shoves Rhodes around to start but gets caught in a half crab, allowing Goldust to come in with an elbow to the back of Ryback’s head. Off to Axel for a nice dropkick, only to get caught in a wristlock.

Axel fights up but Goldust makes a tag off to Big Show who keeps up the arm work. There’s the skin ripping chop and the fans want it one more time. Show does it a third time and Axel sells it like he got shot. Mysterio comes in for some forearms but Axel sends him into the corner. Ryback gets the tag and pounds Mysterio down, only to bring Axel back in for something resembling stereo cross bodies to put both guys down.

Double tags bring in Ryback and Goldust with the champion scoring off the uppercut and a spinebuster. Ryback loads up a powerbomb but gets rolled up for the pin by Goldust, getting us down to three teams at 6:12. Cesaro comes in to pummel Goldust in the corner before it’s off to Swagger for a front facelock. The fans start chanting WE THE PEOPLE as Goldust is sent to the floor for a clothesline from Swagger.

Back inside and Cesaro gets two off the gutwrench suplex and we hit the chinlock. Off to Jack again for a bearhug as Big Show plays cheerleader for Goldust. Goldie fights back with right hands and a springboard elbow to the jaw. Cesaro easily takes him down and we get a short version Cesaro Swing. A Swagger belly to belly suplex puts Goldust down again and we get the Vader Bomb/double stomp sequence from the Real Americans for another two.

Antonio puts on another chinlock but this time Goldust escapes with a jawbreaker. Cesaro can’t break up the tag but Swagger runs around the ring and pulls Cody off the apron. Cody is holding his knee as Big Show throws Swagger into the barricade and Goldust catches Cesaro with a hurricanrana. A powerslam puts Cesaro down again and the hot tag brings in Big Show. Cesaro is thrown all over the ring and a shoulder block turns him inside out. Both Americans get punched in the jaw and Big Show pins Cesaro for the elimination at 14:42.

So we’re down to the two good guy teams but Big Show waits for the champions to get on their feet. A hard shoulder block puts Goldust on the floor and Cody gives him a somewhat angry pep talk. Goldust comes back in for a top rope cross body with Big Show waiting on the impact for about eight seconds. The chokeslam is countered into a DDT for two and it’s off to Cody for a double suplex on Big Show for two. The fans are rapidly losing interest.

Big Show swats a Disaster Kick out of the air and it’s off to Mysterio (remember him?) for a springboard seated senton to Cody. Now the Disaster Kick connects for two on Mysterio and Cody is getting frustrated. Cross Rhodes is countered into the 619 to both champions. Goldust is sent into the barricade by Big Show but Cody sends the giant into the post.

Cody tries a springboard dropkick but gets caught in a powerbomb by Rey (how often do you hear that?) for two. Cross Rhodes are countered again but the 619 is countered into an Alabama Slam which is countered into a sunset flip for a VERY close two. The third attempt at Cross Rhodes FINALLY connects for the pin to retain the titles at 21:06.

Rating: A-. This dragged a bit in the middle but man alive that ending was great. Cody and Goldust are just awesome right now and I’m so glad they didn’t give the titles to another thrown together team. I have no idea why the Usos weren’t in there somehow other than putting in two bigger names. Really good match here though.

A bunch of people play with Brawling Buddies in a head throbbing segment. The payoff is Kane scaring everyone off and having the Brodus Clay Buddy beat up the Cena Buddy. Cole: “…..Yep.”

Brodus Clay vs. R-Truth

Bonus match due to Brodus going nuts on Truth’s buddy Xavier Woods on Raw. Truth takes him into the corner to start and scores with a dropkick, sending Brodus to the floor. A nice dive takes Brodus out again but he comes right back with a Banzai Drop for no cover. He finally drags Truth back into the middle for two before throwing him corner to corner again.

A running splash in the corner crushes Truth but he still won’t go for the pin. They head outside with Tensai yelling at Clay to go for the win but instead Brodus puts Truth in the Tree of Woe. Tensai gets up on the apron for a shouting match before walking out. The Funkadactyls walk out as well and Truth hits a side kick into a rollup for the pin at 6:06.

Rating: D. This was much more of an angle than a match which is acceptable if they actually do something with Clay. The guy has a chance to be something interesting if he’s pushed properly, but given how they’ve pushed him twice before I can’t imagine it actually working. Good heel turn though.

Vince wishes Cena luck.

Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz

No DQ and set up by Miz attacking Kofi a few times recently in addition to the pre-show stuff earlier. Kofi goes nuts on Miz with right hands to start with Miz being sent to the floor. A Kofi dive is blocked by a right hand but Kingston drives him into the barricade. Miz is shoved up against the post but Kofi’s Trouble in Paradise hits the post, badly injuring his ankle in the process. Miz DDT’s the leg onto the floor and gets two back inside.

Kofi is in trouble but gets two off a quick rollup for a breather. Lawler talks about telegrams for some reason as Miz goes after the bad leg for some storytelling. Miz’s cannonball down onto the leg is countered with a kick to send him to the floor, only to have Kofi miss a dive, sending him into the barricade. Back in again and Miz unhooks a turnbuckle pad, setting up something big. The Skull Crushing Finale into the pad is countered into a rollup for two as we get a breather. Miz goes up but dives into a dropkick as a boring chant starts up. Back up and Kofi quickly sends Miz into the buckle to set up Trouble in Paradise for the pin at 8:03.

Rating: D+. This was longer than it needed to be and the ending didn’t do much for either guy. The leg stuff didn’t go anywhere at all which is one of the things that drives me crazy in matches. This feud isn’t going anywhere for either guy but they’re still feuding for no apparent reason.

Tribute to the Troops ad.

We recap Bryan vs. the Wyatts with Bray wanting Daniel to join the Family but getting kneed in the face instead.

Daniel Bryan vs. Wyatt Family

Bray of course sits in the rocking chair to start. Rowan gets us going for the team and takes Bryan’s head off with an elbow to the jaw. Daniel gets caught in the corner and it’s off to Harper for a lot of yeah yeah yeah. Bryan comes back with the surfboard knee stomps and some kicks but a shot to the ribs gives Luke control. Back to Rowan for some shots to the gut and a bearhug to slow the match down.

Harper slams Daniel down and Bray stands up. Wyatt himself comes in and shouts that he could have helped Daniel before splashing him in the corner. Bray goes nuts on Bryan before stopping for that evil look of his. A suplex/toss sends Daniel flying and Bray does the incredibly creepy Exorcist spider walk over to the corner for a tag to Harper. Fans: “THAT WAS CREEPY!”

Luke puts on a chinlock before Rowan throws Daniel back into the corner. A big boot from Harper puts Bryan down and it’s back to Bray who shouts about the fans. He offers Daniel his hand but Daniel kicks it away and pounds on Wyatt’s jaw. Bray will have none of that though and runs Daniel over before bringing Harper back in. Back up and Bryan avoids a charging Bray to send him into Rowan before avoiding a running big boot from Harper.

Daniel busts out an awesome belly to back superplex on Luke for two before firing off the kicks. The big one to the head sets up the swan dive but Daniel has to fire off the kicks to Rowan, tying him up in the ropes. A tag brings in Bray who gets rolled up for two but Wyatt runs him over again. Bryan is whipped into the ropes but he scores with the FLYING GOAT to Harper. Back in the missile dropkick drops Bray but he counters the YES Lock and pummels Bryan down. Sister Abigail ends Bryan at 12:25.

Rating: B-. I was digging this a lot by the end with Bryan giving it everything he had. The most interesting thing here though was Wyatt. He’s the kind of guy who you just have to watch when he’s on screen, which is a rare thing to find anymore. In a word, he’s mesmerizing. As for the result, there’s no way you can put both singles guys over in the handicap matches and it doesn’t hurt Bryan to lose here at all.

The expert panel (Booker and Foley) talk a bit.

We recap Orton vs. Cena which has been covered already. It’s to determine who is champion of champions and we get the video package of their parallel histories from Smackdown.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Randy Orton vs. John Cena

TLC match, winner take all. They have a ton of time to used for this too. Naturally we get big match intros and we’re ready to go. They head into the corner to start and Cena grabs a headlock. The wrestling gets boring though and we get our first ladder and table with the wooden one being set up in the corner. Orton escapes an AA through the table and heads to the floor for a chair. Cena can’t avoid the shot to the back and Randy is in control.

They head outside again but Orton misses a chair shot and hits the post, allowing Cena to pick up the chair. A series of chair shots puts Orton down and John loads up another table on the floor. The distraction lets Orton send him into the steps to take over again as the dueling Cena chants begin. Orton tries to climb but Cena makes a fast save. The ladder is thrown to the floor and Orton headbutts him down. Some kicks to the ribs have Cena in trouble but he comes back with knees and right hands, only to walk into the powerslam.

Randy brings in another ladder but gets it rammed into his ribs, allowing Cena to climb. Orton quickly suplexes him down but misses a ladder shot, sending the ladder to the floor. That’s fine with Orton though as he cracks Cena in the back with a chair before wedging it into the corner. Cena blocks the shot into the chair and comes back with his finishing sequence, only to have Orton poke him in the eye and send him into the chair. Another ladder is brought in but Cena makes yet another save.

They both fight on the ladder until Cena throws Orton over the top and through the table. He can’t climb that fast though and Orton pulls him down for an RKO. Both guys are down again but it’s Cena up first with a clothesline to send him to the floor. Cena blasts Orton in the head with the steps and Randy might be busted a little bit. John brings in another table, giving us two tables in opposite corners. With all of the metal stuff at ringside, Orton hits Cena in the head with the microphone to take over again.

Orton loads up the announce table but instead clears out a path to Cena. John avoids the Punt though and catches Orton in an AA through the table to put both guys down again. Cena very slowly gets back in and grabs both belts without pulling them down. Instead it’s Orton shoving the ladder away to leave Cena hanging, allowing Orton a free shot with the chair. Cena comes right back with a spear through one of the tables and both guys are down again.

Randy heads outside again and starts peeling back the mats to find some hidden handcuffs. Cena gets tied to the bottom rope and Orton teases him with the key. This didn’t work at Breaking Point but call backs to old matches are usually fun. Cena tries to break the chain as Orton goes to pick up the big ladder for some shots to Cena’s ribs.

Randy goes back inside as Cena beats on the cuffs with a chair to no avail. Cena pulls hard enough to rip the bottom rope off and go up to knock Orton off the ladder but he only has one free arm due to the rope. Orton grabs the rope and uses the power of gravity to pull Cena down, sending him head first into the table which DOESN’T BREAK. That looked bad. Orton goes up again and pulls down both titles for the surprise win at 24:35.

Rating: B. I liked the match and the ropes idea was good, but that ending came out of nowhere. Given how badly Cena’s head went into that table, I wouldn’t be shocked if he had an actual injury. Orton winning makes more sense but I’m kind of shocked it was clean. Well as clean as you can get in a TLC match of course. Good stuff here but the ending leaves a lot of doors open.

Post match here’s the Authority and Vince to congratulate Orton with no drama to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This show was about one match and the match delivered. The handicap matches both worked quite well too and the tag match ROCKED. It wasn’t a classic show or anything but it was much better overall than I expected. The ending sets up a lot of questions about where we’re going, but that makes things all the more interesting. Good show here and a solid ending to the year.

Results

CM Punk b. Shield – Punk pinned Ambrose after a spear from Reigns

AJ Lee b. Natalya – Small package

Big E. Langston b. Damien Sandow – Big Ending

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Real Americans, Big Show/Rey Mysterio and Ryback/Curtis Axel – Cross Rhodes to Mysterio

Kofi Kingston b. The Miz – Trouble in Paradise

Wyatt Family b. Daniel Bryan – Sister Abigail

Randy Orton b. John Cena – Orton pulled down the title belts

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 18, 2013
Location: Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

Tonight Raw goes country because WWE hates me. The only things we’ve been told about for tonight is the band Florida Georgia Line performing and likely being confronted by 3MB. Other than that we might get a confrontation between Oakland A’s pitcher Jason Reddick and Daniel Bryan because they’ve been having a Twitter feud. This is what life is like on the go home show for Survivor Series in 2013. Let’s get to it.

The opening video recaps last week’s struggle to fill in the power vacuum left due to the Authority being on vacation.

Langston vs. Axel for the Intercontinental Title tonight.

Here’s the Authority to open the show. HHH talks about how things went nuts in the absence of true authority and no one likes chaos. Those who caused things to fall apart last week, such as Brad Maddox and Vickie Guerrero, will be dealt with tonight. This brings out a ticked off Randy Orton who says that the Authority is to blame for a lot of the troubles around here.

They’re the ones that gave Big Show a title match he didn’t deserve and thinks he can’t beat Big Show on his own this Sunday on his own. HHH gets in his face but Stephanie plays peacekeeper. Brad and Vickie interrupt with Vickie saying excuse me in a very timid voice. Brad apologizes but insists it was all Vickie’s fault because that’s the kind of guy he is. Stephanie doesn’t want to hear this and makes individual matches for the GM’s. Vickie gets AJ and Brad gets Randy Orton. The latter of those two is right now. HHH makes it No DQ because he can. Maddox tries to leave but Kane stops him.

Randy Orton vs. Brad Maddox

No DQ. Brad bails to the floor then does it again when Orton goes for him. Maddox gets on a mic and says Orton doesn’t want to do this but gets caught running away again. Orton tries to get him into the ring but Brad hits him with the microphone before sending him into the post. A DDT gets two in the ring and Orton is MAD. He throws Brad over the top rope and then over the announce table. Maddox is sent into the steps and loses his shirt before Orton posts him. The Elevated DDT on the floor knocks Maddox out cold. Back in and Orton hits him about 25 times in the head with the microphone until the referee stops it 3:50.

Rating: N/A. This was a glorified segment rather than a match so I’m not going to bother rating it. They’re going to turn Maddox face at this rate which isn’t a bad idea for the most part. They need someone with authority to stand up to the Authority, even though the Authority would likely just strip him of his job. The fans seem to be into Maddox too, which likely isn’t a good sign for him.

Maddox was take out on a stretcher during the break. As he’s being put in the ambulance, Vickie looks terrified.

Intercontinental Title: Big E. Langston vs. Curtis Axel

They treat this as a big deal with full entrances and the big match intros. Axel, the champion, is officially no longer a Paul Heyman guy. Langston easily takes him to the mat but gets elbowed in the face to give Axel a breather. Big E. easily tosses Axel around and sends him to the floor to start a chase. Back in and Langston clotheslines him down like it’s nothing as this is one sided so far.

A standing backdrop gets two on the champion but he hits a quick hot shot to get a breather. Axel pounds on his back a bit and we take a break. Back with Axel getting two off a dropkick and hooking a front facelock. Langston finally gets up and just throws Curtis off of him before scoring with some clotheslines. A belly to belly puts Axel down and there’s the Warrior Splash for two. The straps come down and the Big Ending gives Langston the title at 8:50.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t bad but it does beg the question: if they want to make Langston into a big deal, why in the world would you job him clean to Del Rio last week in four minutes? Either way, it was definitely the right idea to switch the belt here as Axel is long past the point of mattering. A gimmick change could help him a lot at the moment because the potential is definitely there.

Orton, in a jacket of all things, is with Shield in the back. He tells them that they’ll have his back because that’s what the Authority wants. Reigns is cool with that, as long as Orton has their back as well. Orton doesn’t say yes.

Time for our first country music bit: Divas musical chairs. The song is by Florida Georgia Line and played over the PA system. The girls don’t circle the chairs and it’s Natalya out first. Alicia goes next and a brawl is about to break out. JBL: “This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen.” Thankfully it only lasts about two rounds until the fight breaks out. Cole: “Musical chairs has broken down.” JBL: “It always does.” The Total Divas actually clear the ring, likely setting up another Survivor Series match.

Big Show vs. Ryback

They shove each other around to start with Big Show throwing Ryback into the corner for some right hands and a headbutt. A hard chop and a shoulder puts Ryback on the floor for a nine count as things slow down. Back in and Ryback pounds away before taking out the knee. Some forearms to the back and a leg drop get two and we hit the front facelock followed by a chinlock.

The hold stays on for a good while as Ryback calls a lot of spots. Show finally suplexes his way out before scoring with some clotheslines. Ryback comes back with a very nice spinebuster (all things considered) for two but the Meathook is countered into a chokeslam attempt. Ryback kicks out of it and hits the Meathook before actually hitting Shell Shock on Big Show for two. Ryback tries it again but Big Show shoves him away and hits the WMD for the pin at 7:57.

Rating: C. This is a good example of WWE not thinking more than a week in advance. Ryback hitting Shell Shock on Big Show was rumored to be a major spot at Wrestlemania, but here it’s used as a near fall in a warmup match on a gimmick Raw show. Why in the world would you use it here instead of using it to make Ryback look like a big deal? Oh wait: it’s time for Big Show’s latest push that no one cares about. How could I forget?

Post match Orton tries to sneak in but gets speared down.

Zack Ryder is with Florida Georgia Line when 3MB comes in dressed as cowboys. They’re the Rhinestone Cowboys this week and nothing funny occurs.

Orton is having his ribs taped up.

The Miz/Kofi Kingston vs. Real Americans

Real Americans vs. Goldust/Cody Rhodes for the tag titles on Friday. Miz gets caught in a quick wristlock by Cesaro before hitting the corner clothesline and the top rope ax handle for two. Cesaro catches him in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for no cover before sending Miz to the floor and tagging in Swagger. Jack sends him into the corner for the Vader Bomb followed by the Cesaro double stomp for two.

Off to a quick arm hold, only to have Miz fight up and make the hot tag off to Kofi. House is quickly cleaned with all of Kofi’s jumps and dives, only to be caught in a powerslam for two by Swagger. Kingston spins around Jack’s clothesline into a DDT before going over to Miz for the tag…..but Miz turns on him, allowing Swagger to hook the Patriot Lock for the win at 4:45.

Rating: C-. The match was obvious as soon as they announced the title match on Friday. Miz turning heel is the right move as his face turn just wasn’t working at all. The guy is just a natural heel and wasn’t doing anything as a good guy. If nothing else maybe he’ll stop using the stupid Figure Four which doesn’t work at all for him.

Vickie pretends to have been attacked to get out of her match with AJ.

Stephanie doesn’t buy the injury despite Vickie being loaded onto a stretcher. Could it be because Vickie looked right at the camera before pretending to pass out?

AJ Lee vs. Vickie Guerrero

Vickie is wheeled to the arena, screaming that this can’t happen. I have no idea who the face is supposed to be in this thing but I’m sure I just don’t get what’s going on. Vickie “passes out” again and asks for some water before the bell. She tries to run again and actually gets by Tamina but AJ chases her down. Back in and the Black Widow (the only move of the match) gets the submission at 1:28.

Vickie faints again post match.

There will indeed be a fourteen Diva Survivor Series match on Sunday with the Total Divas against everyone else.

HHH makes a Broadway Brawl between Ziggler and Sandow for tonight. What does that mean? HHH: “I don’t even know.”

Dolph Ziggler vs. Damien Sandow

There are a bunch of musical instruments in the ring, mainly string stuff. Sandow throws him to the floor but misses a shot with an electric guitar. Ziggler dives off the steps to take him down as the announcers reference musical acts from the 70s and earlier. Back in and Damien pounds away before getting caught by a nice dropkick to send him back outside. Ziggler goes up top but dives into a shot from an organ to the ribs as we take a break.

Back with Sandow stomping away on Ziggler in the corner as Cole talks about Lawler meeting Ronnie Milsap. Ziggler comes back but misses a fiddle shot, allowing Sandow to hit him with a guitar for two. Dolph hits a DDT and breaks the fiddle over Sandow’s head before the Fameasser gets two. Sandow goes nuts again and launches Ziggler into the corner before ramming Dolph head first into a chair in the corner for a close two.

Ziggler gets thrown into the drums and hit with a guitar for two. Sandow misses a charge into the post and Ziggler rolls him up for two. A snare drum over Damien’s head and a bass drum does the same, basically tying Sandow up. Ziggler grabs the only remaining guitar, struts over, and blasts Sandow in the head for the pin at 10:17.

Rating: D. Was this supposed to be funny? That’s a genuine question. The announcers were treating it like a comedy match but apparently these two don’t like each other. I say apparently because I don’t remember them having any altercations in recent history, unless I’m forgetting some throwaway segment on Smackdown somewhere. The match was dumb as are most gimmick matches though. We’re also supposed to ignore Sandow’s shoulders being inside the drum and not on the mat.

We look at the opening of Raw and Big Show spearing Orton down again.

Orton goes into the Authority’s office and asks where Shield was earlier. He wants to know if he has the Authority’s confidence but Stephanie says they have to think about it.

Cena talks to Florida Georgia Line.

Here’s Cena with his arm in a sling again, saying he’s had to watch what Del Rio did to his arm on Smackdown every day since it happened. We get a clip of Cena winning the arm wrestling contest, only to have Del Rio put him through a table and lock on the armbreaker in a chair again. Cena says he came back for the fans but thinks maybe he came back too soon and shouldn’t be World Heavyweight Champion. Then he looks around and feels the atmosphere which makes him know he should be champion.

A champion is made of things like determination and toughness instead of cheap shots like Del Rio. Cena says Del Rio doesn’t know what he’s getting into on Sunday and he’ll walk out with the title. This brings out Del Rio who says we have a real superhero in the house. Cena almost made him cry, which Cena says is good because on Sunday he’ll make Del Rio tap.

Del Rio asks Cena to lift up the title with the arm in a sling which Cena can’t do. Alberto gets in the ring while talking about taking advantages of every opportunity. Cena says that’s what champions do and pounds on Alberto before trying the AA, only to have Del Rio escape to the floor.

Rhinestone Cowboys vs. R-Truth/Xavier Woods

3MB remember and it’s Slater on the floor this time. Woods is the former Consequences Creed in TNA and has been in NXT for a good while now. Truth starts with Jinder and we get some hip gyrations. Off to Woods for a dropkick to Mahal followed by a headscissors. McIntyre gets a blind tag but gets caught by a forearm to the face. Woods tries to fight both of them off and gets kicked in the face by Drew to take over.

Woods escapes a slam attempt and tags in Truth who catches Drew with a jumping kick to the head. The sitout front suplex takes McIntyre down again and the suplex into a Stunner sets up the tag to Woods. The Honor Roll (front flip clothesline) sets up the Best in the Woods (Eat Defeat though it’s called Lost in the Woods in NXT) for the pin on McIntyre at 3:15.

Rating: C. This was fine. I kind of like the idea of having Woods just show up in a match instead of some big buildup. I’m not the biggest fan of Xavier but he looked good in the ring and is a good asset to the company since he’s already got a masters degree and is going for his PH.D.

The winners dance post match.

The Authority says they have confidence in Orton but he has no Shield to help him on Sunday. When he wins, he’ll prove to everyone that he’s the face of the WWE. Orton promises to show them confidence.

Florida Georgia Line performs Round Here, the theme song of tonight’s show.

Shield/Wyatt Family vs. Daniel Bryan/CM Punk/Cody Rhodes/Goldust/Usos

There’s a lot of time for this. Jimmy Uso starts against Dean Ambrose with Dean taking him down with a shoulder, only to be clotheslined right back. Off to Jey vs. Reigns with Jey suckering him into the good guy corner where the tag champions work on Roman’s arms. It’s Goldust staying in to backdrop the now legal Rollins before hitting a quick uppercut and atomic drop. A kick to the side of Seth’s head gets two and it’s off to Jey, who charges into an elbow in the corner.

Rollins sends him to the floor but Harper tags himself in to get a piece. The two three man teams argue on the floor as we take a break. Back with Goldust working on Seth’s arm before bringing his brother back in for some right hands. Seth sends Cody into the buckle and the heels take over. Reigns comes in to pound Cody down before it’s back to Seth. Shield is intentionally not tagging in the Wyatts.

Ambrose comes in and pounds away in the corner before clotheslining Cody down for two. Rollins comes back in but has to stop Cody from making a hot tag. Shield finally brings in Rollins who gets taken down by Cody, allowing the hot tag to Bryan. It’s kicks a go-go with Bryan taking down everyone in sight. Harper is sent to the corner but Bryan has to go after Rollins, taking him down with a release German suplex instead of going after Luke. Bryan finally goes after the monster but gets caught in a running sitout powerbomb out of the corner.

The tag brings in Bray Wyatt for some hard elbow drops to Bryan. Bray looks over at Shield and asks if he can trust them before tagging in Reigns. Shield takes their turns beating on Bryan with Ambrose coming in for a modified STF. Bryan gets out and clotheslines Ambrose down but all five of Dean’s partners knock Bryan’s partners off the country as we take another break.

Back with Reigns pounding away on Bryan but getting caught in a DDT. The fans beg him to make the tag and get their wish as Punk comes in for the first time to clean whatever is still dirty in the house. He takes out every heel in sight, including Rollins and Ambrose with a DDT and neckbreaker at the same time. Punk hits the Macho Elbow on Ambrose but Bray distracts him from hitting the GTS.

Instead Punk slaps the Anaconda Vice on Dean, allowing the Family to break it up. Everything breaks down with the Usos hitting their stereo dives on the Family and Ambrose escaping the GTS into the bulldog driver for two. We hit the parade of finishers which goes too fast to keep up with. Punk and Bryan hit a Hart Attack on Rollins because they’re old school like that. The GTS to Ambrose is good for the pin at 24:04.

Rating: C+. This was more long than it was good but the ending sequence was awesome, as almost all parades of finishers are. Again though, why does Ambrose have to take the pin? There are five other guys out there but the only champion on the team has to get pinned? Really? Still though, good stuff.

Post match the Real Americans and other heels come in for the beatdown but REY MYSTERIO returns for the save, apparently as the fifth man on the team at Survivor Series.

Overall Rating: C-. I’m thinking about officially naming this kind of show the Raw Special: it would have been a solid two hour show but the third hour dragged it back to earth. There was some interesting stuff on here like Langston winning the title and Miz turning heel like he should have been all along, but then there’s the other half. Some of the stuff on here was horrid, such as the Cena/Del Rio promo, the AJ vs. Vickie “match” and Ziggler vs. Sandow. At least we fleshed out some of the Survivor Series card, but that doesn’t make this any kind of a good go home show.

Results

Randy Orton b. Brad Maddox via referee stoppage

Big E. Langston b. Curtis Axel – Big Ending

Big Show b. Ryback – WMD

Real Americans b. The Miz/Kofi Kingston – Patriot Lock to Kingston

AJ Lee b. Vickie Guerrero – Black Widow

Dolph Ziggler b. Damien Sandow – Guitar shot to the head

R-Truth/Xavier Woods b. Rhinestone Cowboys – Best in the Woods to McIntyre

CM Punk/Daniel Bryan/Usos/Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Shield/Wyatt Family – GTS to Ambrose

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 11, 2013
Location: Phones4u Arena, Manchester, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s a rare taped show tonight as the company is over in England. The main story coming in is Big Show being the new guy to stand up to the regime, having forced his way back into a job. Kane has also joined the bad guys and is now the director of operations, a position which hasn’t exactly been defined yet. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video honoring American’s military veterans narrated by John Cena. Classy as always.

We recap the angle at the end of last week’s show with Big Show getting his job back as well as a title shot at Survivor Series. The video also includes the handicap match and Big Show being put through a table.

The Authority (the official name for HHH and Stephanie) isn’t here tonight so it’s not clear who is in charge.

Here’s Orton to open the show. He thinks he’s going to win at Survivor Series and says that since the Authority isn’t here, he’s in charge tonight. This brings out Brad Maddox to say he’s the GM and therefore in charge, but here’s Kane before he can make his first match. Kane says that he’s in charge in the absence of the Authority.

Maddox says he’s actually in charge, so the opening match is Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes. Kane says no, because it’s Orton vs. Goldust. Maddox says not so fast and Orton says pick an opponent because he can’t fight them both.. Here’s Vickie to suck up to the Authority a bit before saying she’s confident in Orton’s authority. The crowd shouts her down so much that you can barely hear her, but she makes Orton vs. Goldust and Rhodes in a handicap match.

Goldust/Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton

Goldust gets things going and quickly hiptosses and armdrags Orton down for two. Off to Cody to stay on the arm as the fans are all behind the Golden One. The release gordbuster gets two and it’s back to Goldust who is stomped down in the corner. The fans chant Randy’s Boring before starting what I believe was a JBL chant. Now it’s a Jerry chant. Orton runs into a boot in the corner but kicks Goldust off the middle rope as we take a break.

Back with Goldust fighting out of a chinlock and catching Orton in a powerslam. A double clothesline puts both guys down and there’s the hot tag to Cody who comes in with a missile dropkick. A spinning sunset flip out of the corner gets two for Rhodes and the moonsault press gets the same. Everything breaks down and Cody fights out of the RKO before a double clothesline puts Orton on the floor. Orton takes the countout at 8:50.

Rating: C-. This was ok but the ending was obvious. I’m glad they didn’t have either side do the job as it would mess up too much momentum that has been built over the last few months. It’s interesting to see Vickie act like something resembling a face, but she’s not exactly the right choice for it.

Post match here’s Big Show (said to not be here in a story that lasted 20 minutes) to destroy Orton and chokeslam him through the announce table.

Big Show left during a break to go get a pint.

Los Matadores/Santino Marella vs. Union Jacks

The Union Jacks are 3MB (no masks or anything) in British flag attire. Santino has bull horns on his head. Slater and Diego get us going but Mahal makes a blind tag and gets two off a knee to the head. A 3MB triple team takes Diego down and it’s McIntyre with a stomp to the head.

Santino tags himself in and pounds away on Mahal but his headbutt hits knees. Torito distracts Slater and chases him around, allowing Santino to gore Slater from behind. McIntyre finally catches the bull but Los Matadores dive through the ropes for the save. Torito goes up top and dives onto Slater, allowing Santino to hit the Cobra (with horns) on Mahal for the pin at 2:55.

Brad Maddox apologizes to Orton when Vickie comes up to apologize as well. Orton doesn’t want to hear it but Kane comes in and tells Orton to quit mouthing off. Randy sends them all off because his shoulder is messed up.

Damien Sandow vs. Kofi Kingston

Damien is still very aggressive and pounds Kingston down to start. He puts on a chinlock before dropping a knee for two. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two more but Kofi avoids a legdrop. Kofi fights back with some right hands and a kick to the head but gets knocked off the top and walks into You’re Welcome for the pin at 3:50.

Rating: D+. This was just an extended squash but that’s what Kofi is good for. He’s probably never going to get past this level but he’s capable of putting on a good match with just about anyone and can make anybody look better. Sandow being aggressive is a decent idea and having a new finisher is the best thing that could happen to him.

Intercontinental Title: Curtis Axel vs. Dolph Ziggler

Cole goes into his Hall of Fame stat sheet as Axel grabs a headlock to start. An elbow to the jaw puts Ziggler into the corner and Axel stomps him down. They trade dropkicks for two each and Ziggler swivels his hips a bit. Ziggler takes him down again and drops the ten elbows for two. Curtis sends him to the floor and slaps him around back inside but Ziggler scores with a jumping DDT to put both guys down.

Ziggler avoids a charge and sends Axel shoulder first into the post before another elbow gets two. Axel comes back with a nice catapult into the buckle for two but Ziggler hits a Fameasser for the same. A Saito Suplex gets two for the champion but he takes too much time going up, allowing Ziggler to hit a middle rope X Factor for two. The Zig Zag is countered into a kind of release flapjack, allowing Axel to hit the neckbreaker into a faceplant for the pin at 9:09.

Rating: C+. This was MUCH better than I was expecting here with both guys hitting a lot of big spots for some nice near falls. Axel is a guy who can have good matches but he’s such damaged goods at this point that it’s almost impossible to take him seriously. Ziggler is clearly not going back to the main event scene anytime soon so having him do stuff like this is the right call.

Kane demands respect from Brad Maddox so Brad makes the Real Americans vs. John Cena in another handicap match. Kane one ups him by making Shield vs. Daniel Bryan and CM Punk. No handshake is given.

Zack Ryder is the WWE merchandise schiller of the night.

Tamina Snuka vs. Nikki Bella

Nikki gets thrown around as the announcers plug Total Divas. Tamina bends Nikki over her knee in the most awkward backbreaker you’ll see in a long time. We get more choking and chinlockery before Nikki makes a comeback with a backdrop from her knees and a headscissors where Tamina flipped over when Nikki wasn’t touching her. AJ gets in a cheap shot to put Nikki down, allowing Tamina to hit the Superfly Splash for the pin at 4:18.

Rating: D-. This division sucks but Nikki looks great so it’s not a failure. That is all.

Brie cleans house post match.

WWE 2K14 stuff.

Shield comes in to see Orton, who yells at them for not saving him from Big Show. They say it’s none of his business where they were during Big Show’s attack because they don’t work for anyone.

Fandango vs. Tyson Kidd

This is set up from a clip of a Total Divas episode that hasn’t aired yet. Fandango is in Union Jack tights for no apparent reason. Feeling out process to start until Fandango throws Kidd out of the corner and out to the floor. Back in and Kidd hurricanranas Fandango into the middle buckle. A springboard dropkick sends Fandango to the floor and a bad looking hurricanrana off the apron takes him down again. Back in and a springboard sunset flip is countered into a Fandango rollup for the pin at 2:59.

John Cena vs. Real Americans

Colter runs down England to start, saying that there are some bad people over here, ranging from monarchs to soccer hooligans to, dare he say it, Mr. Bean fans. Swagger goes after the bad arm to start as Cena’s underwear is sticking out. Here’s Del Rio with the Mexican flag as Cesaro throws Cena to the floor. Back from a break with Del Rio on commentary and Cesaro bringing in Swagger for a chinlock.

The running Vader Bomb hits Cena’s knees and John shoulder blocks both guys down, only to run into a European uppercut from Cesaro. The Swing is countered into an STF attempt but Antonio makes the tag off to Swagger. Jack can’t get the Patriot Lock but Cesaro goes up top, only to have his cross body rolled into an AA attempt. Swagger makes the save with a chop block to the leg but Cena backdrops out of a Neutralizer attempt.

Cena hits his finishing sequence on Swagger but the AA is countered into the Patriot Lock. John rolls out and hits the AA but Cesaro breaks up the pin at two. A powerbomb gets two on Cesaro but he comes back with Swiss Death for the same result. Cesaro loads up what looked to be a top rope huricanrana but Cena shoves him into a tag to Swagger. Jack’s running suplex is countered into a top rope cross body from Cena and the STF makes Jack tap at 12:56.

Rating: B-. This was good but was there ever any doubt as to how this was going to end? That’s one of the big problems with matches like this and how far down the Americans have been pushed: no one believed the team had a chance and even though there were some good spots, the ending was never in doubt.

Post match Del Rio goes after Cena and puts him in the armbreaker with a chair around the arm. Big E. Langston makes the save and gets a nice chant from the audience.

Del Rio complains to the bosses about Langston and a match is made for later tonight.

R-Truth vs. Ryback

Truth does an unfunny rap about Ryback on the way to the ring, talking about how Ryback is a bully with bad breath. Truth grabs a headlock to start and kicks Ryback in the face, only to be driven into a few corners. Ryback keeps pounding away with his power stuff, but the Meathook misses, allowing Truth to grab a quick rollup for the pin at 4:00.

Rating: D. And yet they wonder why Ryback isn’t over. He jobs to Punk over and over again, gets a win last week where he gets to show off, and now loses to R-Truth. The match was junk though with no one caring and mostly dominance until the quick ending. I’m assuming Ryback eventually gets his win back though, meaning we’ll be right back where we started.

Big E. Langston vs. Alberto Del Rio

Langston pounds on Alberto but Del Rio comes back with some shots to the head and a chinlock. The fans sound like they’re at a funeral for this match. Langston fights out with suplex and the Warrior Splash as the Wave has begun in the crowd. Del Rio hits the enziguri in the corner but Langston runs him over with ease. The Big Ending is countered into the armbreaker for the submission at 4:04.

Rating: D. GAH WHY DO THEY KEEP DOING THIS NONSENSE??? They want to push Langston as a big deal so their solution is to put him in match after match that he isn’t allowed to win because it would hurt the other guy. SO STOP PUTTING HIM IN MATCHES AGAINST THAT KIND OF COMPETITION ALREADY!!! Why is that so freaking complicated???

Veterans video again.

Axel is with a very damaged Heyman in the ring. Paul is in a neck brace, a cast on his leg and his arm is in a sling while sitting in a wheelchair. He blames Ryback for this beating because Ryback messed up by not being there to save him. Ryback bit off more than he could chew and Punk used the chance to destroy Heyman. However, the real blame is on every fan in the audience for cheering Punk on as he climbed the Cell.

Tonight though, Heyman is here to have every member of the audience as a witness to this statement. He’ll be back with a vengeance and hang over CM Punk like the sword of Damocles. Heyman talks about driving the sword into Punk when Punk’s music hits. Heyman: “OH NO!” Punk charges to the ring and beats up Axel, laying him out with the GTS. CM stares at Heyman and pulls a kendo stick out from under the ring. Heyman is spun around in the chair and then dumped onto the mat so Punk can destroy him with the stick even more. Heyman is also in a back brace to complete the list of injuries.

CM Punk/Daniel Bryan vs. Shield

Punk clotheslines Ambrose down to start before bringing Bryan in for a double suplex for two. Rollins comes in and is almost immediately caught in the surfboard. Punk gets the tag and kicks Seth in the chest for two but the GTS is escaped. Off to Reigns for a staredown but Bryan comes in for some stereo kicks to the legs. Reigns shrugs them off and clotheslines both guys down before taking Bryan into the Shield corner.

Rollins comes in but gets caught in a release German suplex and a top rope hurricanrana gets two. A kick to the head puts Bryan down again and we take our last break. Back with Ambrose working on Bryan in the corner before handing it over to Reigns for a headbutt. Back to Rollins as the slow attack but fast tags continue. A slam puts Bryan down and we hit the chinlock. Bryan fights up and sends Rollins into Reigns, allowing for the hot tag off to Punk.

Everything breaks down and the Macho Elbow gets two on Ambrose. Bryan’s top rope knee takes down Rollins and the FLYING GOAT drops Ambrose. Reigns takes out Bryan but Punk hits a suicide dive to take out Roman. Punk and Ambrose trade some insanely fast counters until Punk hooks the Anaconda Vice. Ambrose is about to tap when we’ve got Wyatts. We’ll say the match was thrown out at about 13:00.

Rating: C+. This took awhile to get going but the last few minutes were hot. Not a great match or anything though as the fans were entirely burnt out by the end. Also it didn’t help that everyone was waiting on the big appearance by the Wyatts but at least they waited until the last possible second.

Punk and Bryan wisely bail to the floor, leaving Shield to argue with the freaky dudes. Bray and Reigns get in an argument on the floor before fighting into the ring. Both teams get in a huge brawl but Bray eventually separates them, saying Punk and Bryan are the common enemies. Punk and Bryan get in the ring for a brawl and get beaten down until the Usos, Goldust and Cody make the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This really didn’t do it for me. The constant handicap matches got old in a hurry and the show felt like it didn’t matter at all for the most part. I’m not sure where they’re going with the Shield due to their actions with Orton but turning all three at them at once isn’t the best idea. Nothing at all on here felt important though and that can make for a very long three hours.

Results

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Randy Orton via countout

Santino Marella/Los Matadores b. Union Jacks – Cobra to Mahal

Damien Sandow b. Kofi Kingston – You’re Welcome

Curtis Axel b. Dolph Ziggler – Neckbreaker into a faceplant

Tamina Snuka b. Nikki Bella – Superfly Splash

Fandango b. Tyson Kidd – Countered sunset flip

John Cena b. Real Americans – STF to Swagger

R-Truth b. Ryback – Rollup

Alberto Del Rio b. Big E. Langston – Cross armbreaker

Daniel Bryan/CM Punk vs. Shield went to a no contest

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 4, 2013
Location: Bon Secours Wellness Arena, Grenville, South Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re back to the red show after last week’s solid outing. There are a lot of things going on at the moment so it’s hard to guess what the focus is going to be tonight. Maybe they’ll even explain why or how Big Show has been doing everything he’s been doing. It would be nice for a change. Let’s get to it.

CM Punk vs. Luke Harper

Punk fires off some right hands to start but Harper easily runs him over with a hard forearm. Naturally Punk fires away as well as he can, backdropping Harper up and over the ropes to the floor. The suicide dive is broken up by a forearm to the head, stopping Punk cold again. Harper puts on the Gator Roll (rolling front facelock) and stops Punk’s comeback with a HARD shot to the face. Punk avoids a charge in the corner though, sending Harper to the floor. Now the suicide dive connects and we take a break.

Back with Harper ripping at Punk’s face before choking him with a boot for a bit. We get another Gator Roll into a chinlock but Punk fights up with some elbows. They slug it out a bit until Punk takes him down with a leg lariat. They blow the swinging neckbreaker spot so Punk hits the running knee in the corner but dives on Rowan instead of hitting the Macho Elbow. Punk loads up the springboard clothesline but dives into Harper’s boot. Luke loads up the discus lariat but Punk ducks underneath and rolls Harper up for the pin at 11:12.

Rating: C. This was fine. I have no problem with Punk beating the help because they’re just impressive minions for Wyatt himself. Harper got to look good out there and that’s what Punk is good for in this feud. The monsters will have their day soon enough and the blowoff match with Wyatt himself will be awesome.

Post match the beatdown is on but Bryan makes the save with a chair to a BIG reaction.

We get a clip from a sitdown interview with HHH where he bans Big Show from WWE for life.

You can pick Orton’s opponent tonight. It’s either Dolph Ziggler, Big E. Langston or The Miz.

Post break Punk says he’s not the only one who hates the Wyatts and he know what it’s like to be outnumbered.

Paul Heyman calls in to say he’s in Europe due to the injuries he suffered at Punk’s hands on top of the Cell. He has herniated discs in his back, bruised kidneys and a broken nose. Heyman starts crying and hangs up.

Earlier tonight Ryback messed with Hornswoggle and Santino until Khali intervened. Ryback called them freaks.

Ryback vs. Great Khali

This is a pretty far fall for Ryback. Khali shoves him down to start and there’s the loud chop in the corner. Ryback is picked up by the ear and chopped over and over in the corner. He comes back with a clothesline but Khali kicks him in the face. The big chop misses and Ryback hits the Meat Hook for the pin at 2:26. This was what it was.

Post match Ryback goes after Hornswoggle and Santino.

We get another clip of Big Show coming in when he was banned. I sense a theme here tonight.

Kofi Kingston vs. Alberto Del Rio

Alberto fires off kicks to the leg to start and easily stops a comeback attempt. Kofi’s jumping back elbow puts Del Rio down and a clothesline puts him on the floor. Kingston totally overshoots a flip dive and only grazes Del Rio with his arm. Back in and Del Rio blocks the pendulum kick in the corner and hits a nice double stomp to the chest. The enziguri gets two and we hit the chinlock.

That goes nowhere so Alberto gets two off a German suplex. Del Rio mocks Kofi’s hand slap and gets two off a snap suplex. The tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets the same and we’re off to the chinlock. Back up again and Del Rio’s corner enziguri misses, allowing Kofi to hit an ax handle from the middle rope for two. Kofi’s middle rope cross body gets two more and things speed up a bit, only to have Del Rio kick him in the ribs. A rollup gets two on Alberto but he counters into the armbreaker for the submission at 6:50.

Rating: C. Not bad again here but the ending was never in doubt. That’s what Kofi is best at: making people look good while losing almost all the time. He’s fine with not getting a major push up the card because his legacy is already firmly set. Del Rio is still the same guy he’s been for years though and that’s not good.

We get a video on Big Show’s reasons for a lawsuit, including individual charges.

The announcers tell us all the cool things we can do on the WWE App.

Randy Orton vs. ???

Lawler goes to announce the winner of the poll but Orton says hang on a second. The people don’t have a choice because they’re all failures. All they can do is pick his next victim, which is Langston in a major landslide. Non-title of course. Langston runs Orton over to start, sending him out to the floor. Back in and Langston puts on a front facelock before ramming some forearms into Orton’s face. The champ bails to the floor again and gets knocked HARD off the apron as we take a break.

Back with Orton being rammed into the steps but avoiding another charge from Langston, sending the big man out to the floor. Back in and Orton very slowly stomps away before putting on a chinlock. Langston fights up and rams Orton back first into the buckle before hitting a hard shoulder in the corner. A belly to belly puts Orton down and the Warrior Splash gets two. Orton’s backbreaker gets the same and there’s the Elevated DDT for no cover. The RKO is countered with a big clothesline but Orton escapes the Big Ending and the RKO gets the pin at 12:07.

Rating: C+. This worked though they booked themselves into a corner (again) because you don’t want to job Langston but you also can’t have Orton get pinned without setting up a title program. At least Langston looked good before jobbing, but he shouldn’t have been an option in the stupid poll either.

We see HHH banning Big Show again in case you didn’t get the idea already. We also get more clips of Big Show defying HHH’s regime.

Here’s Cena vs. Rock from Wrestlemania 29….in WWE 2K14.

Fandango/Summer Rae vs. Natalya/Tyson Kidd

Naturally we get to look at a clip from Total Divas before the match starts. The guys get us going with Fandango getting kicked in the ribs. Off to the girls with Summer slapping Natalya in the face and catching her in a body scissors. The announcers spend part of the match reading Tweets, including one from Natalya.

The hot tag brings in The guys with Kidd flying around and pulling Fandango to the floor. A HARD kick to the face from the apron drops Fandango again but a Summer distraction lets Fandango drop Kidd onto the apron. Back in and the guillotine legdrop is countered into the Sharpshooter on Fandango for the win at 3:43.

Rating: D+. Kidd looked good and Summer’s legs were as amazing as ever, but this was a four minute ad for Total Divas and nothing more. That’s been the theme tonight: what can we showcase with wrestling as a backdrop? We’ve gotten plugs for the reality show, the video game, the App, and any other WWE product they can think of other than focusing on the stories.

Damien Sandow looks at a clip of losing his cash-in last week. He’s been looking at himself and doesn’t see an intellectual savior but rather someone who is doing whatever he has to do to get what he wants. The Real Americans come in with Zeb praising Sandow before their six man tag tonight.

The announcers continue their Big Show debate. Seriously, each is getting to present evidence of whether he should be banned or not.

Here’s Cena for his match but beforehand he talks about how great WWE is for partnering with the Susan G. Kommen Foundation to help cure cancer. Some breast cancer survivors are here tonight.

John Cena/Goldust/Cody Rhodes vs. Real Americans/Damien Sandow

Rematch from the great main event on Smackdown. Colter and Del Rio are on commentary so the bickering can continue. Cena and Sandow get us going but it’s quickly off to Cody with a sunset flip out of the corner for two. Off to Goldust who cranks on Swagger’s arm before bringing in Cody for a double back elbow. Tyson Kidd is the #1 trending topic in the world, which Cole says, and I quote, “shows the power of Total Divas.”

Anyway, Cesaro comes in for a showdown with Cena as the announcers continue their mindless bickering. Cesaro shoves him into the corner for an uppercut but walks into a fisherman’s suplex for two. We hit a chinlock on Antonio before Goldust comes back in with a bulldog for two. Cena comes back in and chases Sandow to the floor as we take a break. Back with Cesaro hitting Swiss Death on Cena for two. Swagger comes in with the Vader Bomb for the same and it’s quickly back to Sandow.

Cena takes him down with a shoulder but Swagger breaks up the hot tag attempt. The announcers are now using one word Spanish insults on each other, making it sound like a bad sitcom. Swagger’s Patriot Lock doesn’t last long on Cena so it’s back to Antonio, only to have Cena score with a hurricanrana. Sandow breaks up the tag attempt again by going after the bad arm for two. Cena powers out of a top wristlock but can’t hit the AA. Sandow clotheslines him down but Cena counters another one into a powerbomb of all things. There’s the hot tag to Goldust as things speed up.

Cesaro gets caught by the top rope crossbody for two as everything breaks down. Everyone hits their finishers with Swagger and Cena being sent to the floor. There’s the Cesaro Swing to Goldust with JBL counting in Spanish for absolutely no apparent reason. Goldust falls to the floor so Cena sends Cesaro into Colter. Back inside and Goldust hits the ugliest springboard bulldog ever for two. Cody’s moonsault press puts Sandow down and Cena hits a high cross body on Cesaro. Goldust’s Final Cut (spinning suplex into a neckbreaker) pins Antonio at 15:20.

Rating: B-. The original on Smackdown was better but I really liked the action here. On the other hand, the commentary was absolutely horrendous. It wasn’t funny, it didn’t add ANYTHING to the match, it distracted me from what was going on in the ring, and ignored the match for the sake of stupid Spanish jokes. The commentary felt like a scene from a sitcom which was trying WAY too hard. Absolutely horrible waste of a solid match.

In case you didn’t get the idea earlier, here’s the EXACT SAME VIDEO on Big Show’s lawsuit.

Big Show, the man banned for life about five times now, is of course here.

HHH is furious but Stephanie comes in and says she let him in at the board of directors’ insistence. It’s not about HHH and Stephanie anymore but rather the business. Stephanie throws in a line about HHH never minding to take the McMahon money but not liking the responsibilities that come with it.

Curtis Axel vs. Dolph Ziggler

Non-title again. Axel takes him down to start and drops some elbows to the back of Dolph’s head and we hit the chinlock. The announcers continue the debate about Big Show’s charges because the fans watch wrestling to hear a legal debate, right? Ziggler fights back and pounds away in the corner but gets caught with a clothesline to the back of the head for two. Not that it matters as the Zig Zag connects for the pin on Axel at 4:47.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t horrible but there’s no value in beating Axel anymore. I’m guessing the story is that Axel can’t win because he doesn’t have Heyman to guide him, but considering he hardly ever wins anyway, why is this supposed to be anything of note? Ziggler continues to float around doing nothing of note.

We recap the opening segment. Bryan says he was out for payback tonight.

Vickie doesn’t bring Big Show to HHH’s office as ordered but says Big Show wants to meet HHH in the ring.

3MB vs. Usos

Slater and McIntyre here with 3MB starting off fast with Slater hitting a springboard dropkick of all things. A double suplex puts Jimmy down and we hit a quick armbar on the Uso. Back to McIntyre who gets kicked in the face, allowing for the hot tag to Jey. The Superfly Splash is good for the pin on Drew at 2:20. Absolutely nothing here.

Los Matadores are in the back with Renee Young when Torito comes in. Apparently he’s horny and might gore Renee in the knees. She is WAY too talented for this.

Bella Twins/Eva Marie vs. Aksana/AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka

Tamina starts with a Samoan Drop to Nikki before it’s off to AJ for a guillotine choke. Nikki slams her down and brings in Brie to clean house. Tamina will have none of that though and runs over Brie and Eva, only to miss the Superfly Splash. Eva tags herself in and steals the pin on Tamina at 2:45. I really think WWE expects us to care about this.

Here are HHH and Stephanie to call out Big Show. The giant trades a few jabs with them before saying this isn’t about money, but rather just wanting his job back. Stephanie gives it back to him so Big Show starts a YES chant. Oh and he wants a huge bonus too. He doesn’t want money though, but rather to be the face of the WWE since he’s been here 18 years (It’s 14. He debuted 18 years ago). This brings out Shield and we take a break.

Post break Big Show tells HHH to tread lightly because of what he’s got hanging over HHH’s head (the lawsuit I believe?). Big Show demands a title shot at Survivor Series but HHH gets in his face and threatens to leave Big Show laying if he doesn’t drop it. Big Show leaves but threatens to sue WWE for ownership of the company. HHH gives him the title shot after Big Show makes him say it four times. On top of that, HHH makes a match right now.

Big Show vs. Shield/Randy Orton

Show is in a suit and Orton’s music hits at 11:04pm. The four of them swarm Big Show and there’s a spear about 15 seconds into the match. Shield beats him down and Orton tells them to pick him up. Show fights out of an attempted TripleBomb and chokeslams Reigns down. The other Shield guys are taken down by a double suplex, leaving us one on one.

This brings out Kane in a suit with some very short hair (the look really works for him actually) for a distraction, allowing Seth to hit a top rope knee to the head. The RKO connects but Orton wants a chair, drawing the DQ at 3:07. If you’re expecting a rating you haven’t been paying attention.

Post match Orton wants Big show put through the table. The TripleBomb (not a bad looking one either) through the table ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a REALLY tough one to grade. I actually liked most of the wrestling tonight which kept some stories going and came off more like an episode of Smackdown in a good way. On the other hand though, there’s everything else. To begin with, the constant plugging of everything on the planet is annoying, though understandable. WWE is a business after all and they need to shill stuff. I can live with that.

Then there’s the stuff that you might have noticed getting on my nerves tonight. Above all else, there’s the commentary. It has reached the point where it’s making good matches a misery to sit through because of how unbearable it is. Cole, JBL and Jerry aren’t funny and have the most unnaturally forced “chemistry” I’ve ever heard. They spend WAY too much time on unfunny jokes that most people aren’t going to get and even fewer people are going to care about at all. It needs to stop and stop soon. I understand the idea of trying to sound like people watching the show, but it’s not working in the slightest.

Finally there’s the story that dominated the show. This Big Show vs. HHH story is just not working and a lot of that is due to the overuse of the lawsuit idea in recent months. I can probably come up with four different instances of someone in WWE suing someone else in the last year and a half. That’s reaching the level of stable wars in TNA and that’s not good.

We had to sit through video package after video package about Big Show being suspended and then he just strolls into the arena, making the rest of the show a waste of our time. That’s not going to get people to watch and it’s hard to sit through. Good wrestling, bad everything else tonight.

Results

CM Punk b. Luke Harper – Rollup

Ryback b. Great Khali – Meat Hook

Alberto Del Rio b. Kofi Kingston – Cross armbreaker

Randy Orton b. Big E. Langston – RKO

Tyson Kidd/Natalya b. Summer Rae/Fandango – Sharpshooter to Fandango

John Cena/Goldust/Cody Rhodes b. Real Americans/Damien Sandow – Final Cut to Cesaro

Usos b. 3MB – Superfly Splash to McIntyre

Bella Twins/Eva Marie b. Tamina Snuka/AJ Lee/Aksana – Rollup to Snuka

Big Show b. Randy Orton/Shield via DQ when Orton and Shield used chairs

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Langston vs. Axel is off due to an apparent injury to Axel.  No word on if this is real or a story.  Also no word on a replacement match.