Smackdown
Date: March 9, 2012
Location: Mohegan Sun Casion, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Booker T, Michael Cole

Johnny Ace is in charge tonight and if it’s the same as when Teddy ran Raw on Monday, then we’re in for a very uneventful night indeed. Other than that I don’t think we have much else announced for tonight. Hopefully we get anything on the story for Sheamus vs. Bryan as we need any reason to care about them. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Ace hosting tonight and implying he’s out to steal the job permanently.

We open with a cage being lowered. Otunga and Ace are in the ring. Tonight we’re starting with a championship match in a cage because Teddy has never done that.

US Title: Santino Marella vs. Jack Swagger

Swagger throws him into the corner and pounds Santino down followed by a modified powerslam for two. Clothesline gets two. This has been all Swagger in the first two minutes. Santino tries to escape but Swagger launches him face first into the steel. Santino comes back with some punches and his signature stuff. Headbutt gets two and here comes the Cobra. Ziggler tries to climb in so his hands get hit by the Cobra to knock him to the floor.

Swagger grabs Marella in a belly to back suplex but Santino hits the Cobra to escape and both guys are down. Ziggler is ejected and we take a break. Back with Santino taking a knee to the ribs to put him down. Swagger takes the Cobra glove off and throws it to the floor. Rollup gets one for Santino and a sunset flip gets two. Swagger throws him down and hits a Vader Bomb for two.

He tries to climb but gets crotched and covered for two. Santino gets most of the way over but Swagger saves and they’re both back inside now. Santino comes back with a tornado DDT and crawls for the door. Santino kicks Swagger off and dives again but Swagger grabs the ankle lock. Vickie tries to slam the door on Santino’s head but hits Swagger instead, allowing Santino to crawl out to retain at 7:33 shown of 11:03.

Rating: C. This was fine all things considered. Why this was in a cage is beyond me, but I guess it’s to further the Ace vs. Long feud somehow. The match was just ok as neither is particularly great in the ring but the crowd was way into Santino. It’s better than Swagger having the title as he actually gets on TV too. I guess this is Ryder’s push too.

Teddy comes out to celebrate with Santino.

Teddy comes to see Ace/Otunga and doesn’t want Aksana to have to face Kane. Ace enjoys seeing Teddy squirm and Teddy begs a bit. Ace proposes a match between himself and Teddy. If Ace loses, Aksana will face Kane. Ok then.

Shawn will confront Undertaker on Monday.

Here’s Drew McIntyre in his gear. Is anyone surprised by this? Drew says that Ace will rehired him if he wins a match against a mystery opponent.

Drew McIntyre vs. Great Khali

And never mind as Otunga says Khali isn’t in the match, so here’s the real opponent.

Drew McIntyre vs. Hornswoggle

So why did Khali come out there at all? Horny is terrified despite regularly beating full sized guys before. Drew dominates him and keeps pulling him up after slams. The referee stops it at 1:39.

Khali chops Drew post match.

Aksana is scared for Teddy but he says it’s ok.

Ace is warming up in a track suit.

Ezekiel Jackson vs. Mark Henry

So the word on the street is that Henry is in hot water for not being tough enough for working through his injuries, despite being out there almost every week working through his injuries. There’s your lesson guys: don’t work hard, don’t enhance your character, don’t work through injuries, or you might be in danger of being released. Slugout to start but Zeke gets beaten down quickly. Zeke comes back with the clotheslines in the corner but Henry runs him over again. World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 1:41. Well Jackson is moving up. Now he’s getting squashed by bigger names.

John Laurinitis vs. Teddy Long

Remember if Teddy wins, it’s Aksana vs. Kane. This gets big match intros. Ace grabs a mic after the bell rings and tries to talk Teddy out of this. Ace yells at Teddy to do the right thing and lay down, but Teddy won’t do it. Aksana freaks so Ace waves down Kane. Orton runs through the crowd and RKOs Kane, allowing Teddy to roll Ace up at about 2:30. Is this company aware the Wrestlemania is in three weeks? So to clarify, as soon as Kane gets up, he has to face Aksana right? Right?

According to the announcers, Teddy did that because Kane has been taken out so there won’t be a match. I’m as shocked as you are. Teddy and Aksana leave to have a nice dinner.

Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Primo/Epico

Uh oh. Kofi was starting to get over as a legit guy again so we better put him in the black tag team of the month. Now the Kane vs. Aksana match isn’t happening because Teddy and Aksana left. So why didn’t Teddy just send Aksana away earlier in the night? Epico and Kofi start with Epico being monkey flipped to the corner. Off to Truth who dances around and hits a spinning legdrop for two.

Back to Kofi and Primo hooks the rope to send Kofi to the floor. Booker praises the cheating for being the right move. See, that’s what most commentators are horrible at: being subtle. Things settle down a bit and it’s Kofi in trouble against Primo. Kofi comes back with a knee to the head and there’s the hot tag to Truth. Everything breaks down and the Little Jimmy gets the pin on Primo at 5:11.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much but the tag champions get to job AGAIN to these two that have teamed together what, three times now? Why did Bourne have to get all drugged up when the division was actually getting some stability to it? This wasn’t a particularly good match, mainly because you knew the champions weren’t going to win.

Three minutes on Cena vs. Rock from Monday.

Here’s Cole in the ring to talk to Sheamus and Bryan. Yes, they’re actually talking about this match. Cole’s first question is to Bryan, asking how much of a role luck has played in his title reign. Bryan says you don’t need to be lucky when you’re good like he is. Nothing has been luck in any of his accomplishments, which he lists off. It’s been living a vegan lifestyle and scientific skill that has given him the title. That and charisma and sex appeal.

Sheamus says everyone needs a bit of luck. He’s lucky to be from Ireland and to be in WWE and in America and in front of all these people here. You make your own luck however and Sheamus has fought his way here. He also hasn’t hid behind a 99lb girl who looks like she should be in a Catholic schoolgirl uniform. AJ: “Well from my point of view…” Bryan: “AJ shut up.” Sheamus says Bryan should be wearing the skirt. At Wrestlemania, Bryan’s luck runs out.

Sheamus/Randy Orton/Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes/Daniel Bryan/The Miz

The staredown got cut short for Cody’s entrance, meaning once again this match gets like 3 minutes a week if it’s lucky. Sheamus vs. Cody gets things going. Quickly off to Randy as we hear again about Legacy and their history together. Orton stomps him down but Cody gets in a dropkick and the tag to Bryan. Cole says he’s starting to respect Bryan. Off to Big Show who throws the champion around a little bit more.

Bryan finally gets away and tags in his former NXT Pro. You know, in ancient history when NXT actually had a structure to it. Show throws Miz around too so Miz tags out to Cody. Cody comes in and tags out to Miz immediately. Show doesn’t care and brings Miz back in as we take a break. Back with Sheamus pounding on Miz. Miz comes back with some lefts in the corner but Sheamus comes back with a rolling fireman’s carry slam.

Off to Cody who gets the ten clubbing forearms in ropes. Miz finally gets in a shot to send him to the floor and Bryan adds the knee off the apron. Bryan vs. Sheamus now and Sheamus towers over him. Bryan keeps taking him down and strikes away with the knees and feet. Off to Miz who hits a running boot to the chest for two. Cody comes in as the heels are moving in and out well.

Back to Daniel who shouts YES with every kick in a funny bit. Miz hooks the chinlock and the knee to the back gets two. Here’s Cody again (see how fast they’re tagging?) as Cole makes fun of GI Bro. Celtic Cross out of nowhere is countered into a Russian legsweep for two. Irish Curse takes Cody down and there’s the hot tag to Randy. Everything breaks down and Show stalks Cody up the ramp. Elevated DDT takes Miz down but Bryan avoids it. Sheamus LAUNCHES Bryan into the barricade and they fight into the crowd. The Finale is countered into an RKO for the pin at 10:39 shown of 14:09.

Rating: C+. This was a good main event tag, but I’m really not sure why Miz was involved. Was Kane that injured off a single RKO? At least we got some in ring time for the two matches, although I’m worried that they’re going to give the title to Big Show which is one of the last people that they need to put a title on. Good match overall though.

Kane comes out post match and pulls Orton out to the floor. Kane knocks him into the crowd (called the Universe by Cole to make me roll my eyes) and they fight up the steps to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I REALLY didn’t like this show. It’s like the main matches are being pushed back for the sake of the Teddy Long and Johnny Ace and Aksana. As I said earlier, do they realize that there are three weeks before Wrestlemania? I know Ace vs. Teddy is going to be lead to a match at Mania but the rest of the show felt thrown together. We have an unneeded gimmick match, Drew being rehired again, meaning that weeks of losses add up to nothing, a Henry squash, and the tag champions losing again. This show had no focus at all and it was a pain to sit through as a result. Bad show.

Results
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Marella escaped the cage
Drew McIntyre b. Hornswoggle due to referee stoppage
Mark Henry b. Ezekiel Jackson – World’s Strongest Slam
Teddy Long b. John Laurinitis – Rollup
Kofi Kingston/R-Truth b. Primo/Epico – Little Jimmy to Primo
Randy Orton/Sheamus/Big Show b. The Miz/Cody Rhodes/Daniel Bryan – RKO to Miz

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No Mercy 2004
Date: October 3, 2004
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This finally finished downloading so I can stop watching Alabama wrestling shows. The main event here is JBL vs. Undertaker in a Last Ride match which is an ambulance match but with a hearse instead. Other than that there’s pretty much nothing of interest on this entire card. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how there’s no such thing as mercy, spread around between the various top feuds. That’s your first sign of a bad show: a lazy opening video.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Luther Reigns

If I remember right, Reigns was part of Angle’s team at this point along with Jindrak and of course Angle. Reigns starts with the power game but Eddie dropkicks the knee to take over. BIG Eddie chant starts but it dies pretty quickly. Jindrak is at ringside too. Snapmare gets two for Eddie. Luther comes back with a delayed gorilla press for two. There’s a bear hug as I’m starting to remember why I was bored with Reigns most of the time.

Eddie escapes with a poke in the eye but gets his head kicked off for two. Some left hands get the same result. Off to a surfboard hold to waste some time. Belly to back gets two. Luther hits a backbreaker and bends Eddie over. Over his knee you sick freaks. Eddie rolls to the floor for a second before coming back in and trying to go a bit amateur on Luther. Back to the backbreaker with Eddie being bent over the knee.

Powerslam gets two but when Luther tries Roll the Dice (Cross Rhodes), Eddie climbs the ropes and backflips into a reverse DDT for a close two. Eddie pounds away at the ribs and Luther is in trouble. Guerrero loads up Three Amigos but can only get two of them. He goes to the floor holding his ribs. Must be Mama Guerrero’s Taco Surprise.

While he’s near the railing, Eddie steals a blackjack or a police baton from a cop. Eddie brings in a chair which Luther steals, but Eddie dropkicks the chair into Jindrak’s face. Luther is knocked down as well but Eddie misses the Frog Splash. While the referee puts the chair out, Eddie hits Luther with the baton and the Frog Splash wins this.

Rating: C. Not a terrible opening but this is similar to what Eddie did for about a year and a half. It was clever once in awhile but the whole pretending to do something while doing something else got a little bit old to me. Never bad mind you, but kind of repetitive. Not a bad match but it went too long.

We recap the Dawn Marie vs. Jackie Gayda feud. Jackie was with Charlie Haas and engaged but Dawn said she was with Charlie when Jackie wasn’t paying attention. Josh (sounding like he went through reverse puberty) asks her why Dawn did that and she says she’ll do it again tonight. Dawn goes in to see Jackie who is topless. Dawn says Charlie is being blackmailed into marrying her. Oral sex is implied.

Cruiserweight Title: Spike Dudley vs. Nunzio

Spike is EVIL and defending. He’s the Dudley Boss here or something like that. Nunzio got a non-title win to get this shot. They go into a long collar and elbow sequence but Nunzio comes back with right forearms. He hiptosses Spike to the floor as I wonder why this isn’t on Smackdown. Some quick pinfall attempt get two. Spike gets sent to the floor again and Nunzio hits a dive, getting two back inside.

He goes up but Bubba shoves him off to change momentum. Spike uses some of the same rollups that Nunzio used, one of which gets reversed into a Nunzio two count. Johnny the Bull is outside also, meaning we have far too many people here for a Cruiserweight Title match. Spike hooks a full nelson on the mat. Tazz says Cole’s finishing move would be a quarter nelson. Cole says he’d call it the Cole-plex.

Nunzio makes his comeback but gets thrown to the floor. Spike follows him out there but gets backdropped. A backslide gets two in the ring for the challenger. Johnny and D-Von get into it on the floor so Bubba can crotch Nunzio on the post. Spike gets the easy pin to retain. Yep that was lame.

Rating: D+. For everyone that says there needs to be a Cruiserweight Title again, I’d point them to the title after about 2003. The matches and feuds were thrown together and the matches didn’t mean anything at all. This went nowhere and wasn’t an interesting match at all, although there are better Cruiserweights on the roster so maybe this is a bad example.

Undertaker career highlight: beating Hogan for the title.

We recap London vs. Kidman. They were a tag team who won the titles for awhile but Kidman messed up a Shooting Star one night and hurt Chavo’s face. Everyone shunned Kidman and he couldn’t use the move anymore because of psychological issues. Instead he walked away and the team lost the titles eventually as a result. London blamed Kidman and he was labeled a quitter because he wouldn’t give the fans the move they wanted. He said that the fans were bloodthirsty so London slapped him. If Kidman doesn’t fight, he’s fired.

Billy Kidman vs. Paul London

London sprints to the ring but Kidman runs. Paul wants answers. I’m not sure what the question is but I guess that’s up for interpretation. London controls to start and hits a leg lariat for two. A clothesline puts Kidman down and then out to the floor. London hits a sweet springboard moonsault but he might have hit the apron on the way down. Slingshot splash gets two back inside.

Kidman comes back by ramming his face into the buckle and kicking him in the face. London’s ribs are rammed into the post and Kidman goes after the ribs. All Billy at this point as he smacks London in the face. Apparently London had a broken nose recently. See, that’s something good a commentator can do: remind us of something that makes offense more vicious.

Billy stretches the ribs more and catches London in a gutbuster for two. Off to a seated abdominal stretch and London is in big trouble. Kidman gets back up and tries a tornado DDT for some reason. London blocks and hits an enziguri, but his powerbomb is blocked into an X Factor for two. Kidman tries a Low Down but London countered with a rana for two. London tries to speed things up but gets caught by a dropkick. Billy looks to the corner but walks off instead. He comes back at a count of seven and walks into a superkick. London tries a Shooting Star but it lands on knees. Kidman’s Shooting Star ends this.

Rating: C+. That was a solid heel turn match for Kidman. The rib work was great and the ending was solid too. I was liking this quite a bit with a good story the whole time, which is more than you can ask for more often than not. Kidman would be gone by June and London would get stuck in Cruiserweight Title limbo, but it was a good way to get there at least.

London is bleeding from the mouth so Billy blames the fans for it. London is strapped to a back board so Kidman goes up and hits another Shooting Star to the defenseless man. Nice.

Another Undertaker title moment: beating Sid at Wrestlemania 13.

JBL wants to know why the PPV is biased to the Undertaker. Why does everyone think JBL will lose tonight? How is that fair and biased? He talks about how he’s guaranteed victory in all of his title matches but can’t bring himself to say it here.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Kenzo Suzuki/Rene Dupree vs. Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio

I vaguely remember Suzuki and Dupree as champions. My guess is that there’s a reason I don’t remember more. I know I remember thinking Kenzo bored me to death. Kenzo tries to sing Born in the USA pre match. Rob and Rene start us off. A quick powerbomb attempt is countered into a pin attempt by Rob and we get a standoff. Rey tags himself in and the challengers speed things up, resulting in a dropkick by Rey for two.

Suzuki comes in. Cole refers to him by his nickname of the bronze warrior, causing Tazz to say “Do you think he aspires to be a golden warrior?” Well at least it wasn’t about pigeons. The champs are both sent to the floor and the challengers hit stereo dives. Cole: “Only on Smackdown!” Except when it’s on PPV right Cole? Rob vs. Kenzo in the ring now but Rob is quickly send to the floor as Rene pushed him off the top.

We hear about Kenzo winning the Young Lions Cup and it’s back to Rene for a neck crank. A knee drop by Kenzo gets two. There’s the hot tag to Rey (minus the hot part) who cleans house and destroys Kenzo. Seated senton gets two. Rene breaks up the 619 but Rob breaks up a powerbomb. Rolling Thunder takes out Dupree and now the 619 connects. Dupree breaks up the West Coast Pop though, only to get taken out by Van Dam. Kenzo cradles Mysterio and grabs the rope for the pin.

Rating: C-. It wasn’t horrible but you could really see that the tag titles were in shambles at this point. To be fair they had been for years so that’s hardly breaking news, but you get the idea. Not much of a match but it didn’t suck, which is really all you can ask for from these thrown together matches.

We recap Angle vs. Big Show. Show came back again and laid waste to everyone which impressed Teddy. Big Show was given a choice of facing Eddie or Angle. Show had injured Angle months ago so he picked Angle for a revenge match. Angle had recruited Jindrak to join him and Reigns against Show. Then on Smackdown, Angle shot Big Show with a tranquilizer dart and the trio shaved his head.

Kurt Angle vs. Big Show

If Luther or Jindrak interfere, they’re fired. Show threatens Angle a lot to start and shoves him away with ease. He runs Angle over and Cole says it’s like running into a concrete wall. Cole: “Go outside and run into a concrete wall to see how that feels.” Tazz: “Yeah don’t do that.” There’s a toss around the ring after Kurt can’t come close to suplexing him. There’s a suplex and Kurt is in big trouble. Angle gets thrown around and says screw this and takes the countout loss.

Never mind as Teddy pops in and says if you leave, you’ll never wrestle on Smackdown again. Yeah because it’s not like there’s another show he can wrestle on where they would welcome him with open arms or anything. Kurt has a ten count to get back in and he does so at nine after tripping over the steps. That was funny. Show keeps up the dominance with a headbutt and chops in the corner.

Now he stands on Angle’s chest. Why get more complicated than you have to? Out to the floor and Show punches a chair into Angle’s face. Back in Show drops a leg and chops some more. Angle has had zero offense and we’re over five minutes into this. He gets in an elbow but jumps into a slam. Here comes the chokeslam but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock. He gets the grapevine but lets it go a few seconds later. Kind of stupid no? Yeah it was because Show kicks him off and into the referee.

Kurt heads to the floor and grabs a chair which goes into the knee. Then it goes onto it a few more times. He hooks a knee bar over the apron and Show is in trouble. Show gets up and shrugs off all of the offense. A big boot puts Angle down but a second crotches him on the ropes. Angle Slam gets two. He heads to the floor and gets the tranquilizer gun again but Show grabs it away and breaks it over his knee. Ok that was cool. Reverse powerbomb kills Kurt and a chokeslam off the top ends this clean.

Rating: C. I liked this for some reason. There’s something cool about having Show just go off on people and destroy them with reckless abandon. That chokeslam looked great as Angle crashed to the mat. Fun match with Angle putting people over which is something he’s always been cool with it seems.

We recap Cena vs. Booker. It’s the final match in a best of five series for the title. Angle was GM and stripped Cena of the title. There was an eight man elimination match where Booker legally stole the title. Teddy Long made Cena #1 contender in a best of five series because of that hater Kurt Angle stealing the title from him. Cena won at Summerslam, Booker won on Smackdown, Booker won at a Smackdown house show, Cena won at Smackdown, tonight is the final match.

US Title: Booker T vs. John Cena

The title can change hands on a DQ or countout here. Cena slugs away to start and gets two off a shoulder block. Booker is sent to the floor and for once it makes sense for Cena to not go after him. Back in and a clothesline gets two for Cena but he walks into a spinebuster for the same. Out to the floor and Cena goes into the steps. Pretty slow start so far. Now Booker goes into the steps.

Back in Booker loads up the side kick but settles for a superkick instead, getting two. Off to a chinlock to kill some time. Cena comes back with a cross body for two. Booker suplexes him and it’s back to the chinlock. Cena hits a fisherman’s suplex for two and it’s back to Booker in control. This is really boring so far. Booker misses the side kick and crotches himself on the top rope.

Cena wins a slugout and a clothesline takes Booker down. The Shuffle gets two. He pumps up the shoes but the FU is countered. Booker comes back with the Book End for two as the crowd is getting behind Cena. Booker goes to get a chair but has to drop it to save the title. Scissors kick misses and Cena gets two off the crash. The FU ends this clean. Wow that was anti-climactic.

Rating: D+. I really didn’t like this one. Cena got a lot better in the next year or two but at this point he was really weak out there. Booker would do nothing for the next year until he won the world title and turned British in about a year and a half. Cena would lose the title on Smackdown to the debuting Carlito.

Taker won his third title at Over the Edge from Austin. That was the Owen Hart show.

Dudley Boys/Dawn Marie vs. Rico/Charlie Hass/Miss Jackie

I miss Dawn. She was gorgeous. Jackie is no slouch either. Bubba and Haas start us off but D-Von jumps him to give them the early advantage. D-Von beats on Charlie but Dawn tags herself in to hit on Charlie. Jackie comes in and there goes Dawn’s top. Bubba pulls Jackie’s hair to give Dawn the advantage then comes in to kiss her. Bubba makes the mistake of closing his eyes though and gets a kiss from Rico instead.

Out to the floor and Bubba is about to be sick. It’s such a shame that Rico got this gimmick as he was AWESOME in OVW, regularly outworking guys like Orton and Cena. Bubba walks out and Rico gets a bunch of (fruit) rollups on D-Von. Bubba comes back to crotch Rico and then officially comes in to give Rico a heterosexual beating. Rico grabs a DDT out of nowhere and double tags bring in the other guys.

Haas cleans house and causes some heel miscommunication. A German takes down Bubba but Dawn distracts him, allowing D-Von to get in some offense. Rico makes a blind tag and hits a cross body for two as everything breaks down. The Dudleys load up What’s Up but Rico is WAY too excited for it, rubbing his crotch and begging D-Von to jump. D-Von won’t do it so we get a catfight instead. Charlie takes down D-Von and Rico finishes him with a moonsault.

Rating: C+. It was a comedy tag match, but every time I watch Rico I love him more and more. This guy was doing everything he could to get this dead end gimmick over and it worked. Rico cracked me up which was the whole point of the character. It’s a shame he wasn’t allowed to just be himself and awesome. Fun match.

Taker won the title from Hogan again.

We recap JBL vs. Taker. Taker had chokeslammed JBL through the limo at Summerslam, resulting in JBL being injured and one of the funniest visuals ever in WWE. JBL was in a neck brace and hat his cowboy hat attached to the top of the halo, making the hat about three feet above his head. It was hilarious. Anyway, Taker was granted the rematch and beat up a lot of JBL’s cronies. it’s a Last Ride match, meaning ambulance match but with a hearse instead.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. The Undertaker

The champ jumps him to start which is surprising for him. Taker pounds him down and drops some elbows. He’s in full striking mode here. Old School puts JBL down but the champ gets a thumb to Taker’s eye. Taker goes Zombie Mode and chokeslams JBL down but it’s way too early to put him in the hearse.

JBL gets beaten down again and takes the apron legdrop. They fight in the aisle for a bit and JBL goes into the steps. Taker loads up the announce table but walks into steps to the head to give the champ his first real advantage. JBL kicks him up the aisle and hits Taker with the steps again. After a quick trip towards the hearse, they come back into the ring and JBL hits a top rope shoulder to put the Deadman down.

Taker grabs a triangle choke and JBL taps but it doesn’t mean anything. Out to the floor and Taker pounds some more because he’s not that smart at times. Taker loads up the table again but JBL hits him with the steps to break it up. That’s strangely familiar. A piledriver on the steps is attempted (Taker did it to Lesnar last year and Cole was fine with it, but here it’s evil) but Undertaker backdrops him.

They fight into the crowd with Taker in control. Back to ringside and Taker hits a Tombstone on the steps. Cole didn’t seem to think that was evil either. Bradshaw is busted but finds a chair to whack Taker in the head with out of nowhere. That sounded great. A monitor to the head puts Taker on a table. JBL gets the chair and winds up getting chokeslammed through the other table.

JBL’s face is covered in blood. I’ll give the guy this: he knows how to do bladejobs. Taker gets up first and wants to head to the hearse. Into a fireman’s carry and up the aisle they go. Taker opens the door but Heidenreich pops out. He knocks Undertaker out with ether and sends the hearse away but Taker pops out of that too. He pounds on Heidenreich but walks into the Clothesline for Bradshaw to retain.

Rating: D+. Some ok violence but for the love of all things good and holy can we get ANYONE but JBL as champion? His reign probably looks better over time, but at the time it happened it was awful with some of the lowest buyrates of all time as a result. Naturally it went on until Wrestlemania to make sure absolutely no one cared by the end of it.

JBL says never bet against him.

The hearse was being driven by Heyman who instructs Heidenreich to ram a car into it. Taker is blown up AGAIN to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. There’s some ok stuff on here, but there’s no great match like there was last year with Angle and Cena. The main event is lame and the whole car blowing up bit was eye rolling material, as we’ve seen Taker die so many times that it’s almost a cliché at this point. Not a memorable show at all and certainly not worth watching.

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No Mercy 2003
Date: October 19, 2003
Location: 1st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re finally back to WWE PPVs here with three more No Mercy’s. This is a smackdown show with the main event being a Biker Chain match with Brock defending against Taker. Also on the card is Vince vs. Stephanie where Stephanie is fighting for control of the brand. This is the culmination of a VERY badly received feud between these two where they wouldn’t get off of the show no matter how much people said they were sick of Vince vs. Steph. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about Stephanie vs. Vince. This was by far and away pushed as the main event of the show. This is tied into home movies of the two of them and how she was daddy’s little girl. Oh and there’s a world title match too.

The set looks cheap and like it had about 4 seconds of thought put into it.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is defending and is the EVIL Japanese guy who spat mist at Nidia to blind her recently. They tie up and roll to the floor quickly but head back in to strike it off. Rey goes into a leglock to control which is reversed into an armbar by Tajiri. Rey dropkicks the knee out and counters the handspring elbow with a dropkick to the back. There’s a big dive and the crowd gets into it a bit.

Back in Rey goes up but has his arm draped over the top and the champ takes over. Tajiri kicks him HARD in the corner and works over the arm again. Rey hits his climbing the ropes wristdrag but Tajiri kicks him in the arm again and adds one to the head to take over. No one has been able to keep an advantage that long at all. They go up but Tajiri is knocked off, allowing Rey to hit a tornado DDT for two.

Springboard crossbody gets two as well. Crucifix is countered by Tajiri but Rey counters into a pin attempt of his own. With one good arm, Rey uses his legs to send Tajiri to the floor and adds a rana to take over. Back in Tajiri kicks him in the stomach and whips him in but Rey comes back with a 619 to the ribs. West Coast Pop is countered into a powerbomb for a close two.

Rey gets launched onto the top but lands on his feet and hits a moonsault press for two. AWESOME looking sequence. Rey rolls through a sunset flip and hits a dropkick to the face. Here comes the 619 and Tajiri is in big trouble. Mysterio hits the West Coast Pop but a “fan” runs in. Rey goes after him, allowing Tajiri to kick him in the head for the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. The fan was Jimmy Yang who was supposed to be part of Tajiri’s Yakuza faction which never really came together. As for the match, the selling hurt this one a lot for me as Rey’s arm seemed fine after about ten seconds and Tajiri didn’t really sell anything at all. It’s a good opener but nothing really memorable.

Vince says anyone that interferes tonight is fired and will be blacklisted from this business. Josh Matthews looks like he’s about 14 here.

A-Train vs. Chris Benoit

A-Train got probably the biggest push of his career at this point as he was in the midcard. This would more or less be the last part of said push. Tazz: “They love pierced nipples in Denmark.” Benoit tries to go for the knee but A-Train runs him over with the power. Train throws him to the floor again and Benoit isn’t sure what to do with him. A-Train takes over again and pounds him down, hitting a splash for two.

We talk about Stu Hart dying three days before this as A-Train stomps away even more. Cole praises him as he always does while Train pounds on Benoit’s neck in the corner. He hits that slingshot into the middle rope move he used most of the time to further work on Benoit’s neck. Train loads up a Pedigree grip but lifts Benoit into the air and drives Benoit’s head into his knee, getting two and a busted mouth for the Wolverine.

Benoit fires back but Train rams him down with a double ax to the chest. Off to a bow and arrow hold but Benoit speeds things up and hits a DDT to slow the Train down. In a big change of pace, the American hits a German on the Canadian to put him down. A-Train goes to the floor and pulls in a chair. Train tries something on Benoit but Benoit tries to slide down into a sunset flip. Instead, Benoit falls and lands ON HIS HEAD on the chair. FREAKING OW MAN!!!

Benoit grabs the Crossface but A-Train counters. Instead it’s Rolling Germans time but A-Train gets up and slams him off the top to counter the Swan Dive. The bald one mocks the Benoit throat slit signal and looks to go up. He realizes how crazy that would be and comes down for a Derailer (chokebomb) instead. That only gets two so he loads up the bicycle kick. He kicks through the chair in the corner though, making Benoit dragon screw him and the Sharpshooter gets the tap.

Rating: C. This was better than I would have expected, but then again it’s Benoit against a big monster. That’s probably what he’s second best at and it worked well here. A-Train wouldn’t mean anything after this and after Benoit took everything he had, I can’t say I disagree with that. Decent match but I’m not sure it belonged on PPV.

Matt looks for Shannon Moore in the back for his match but finds him being choked by Heidenreich. Heidenreich talks about Little Johnny which is something they never really explained. There’s something about a highlight video being thrown away and Heidenreich being mad about it. Matt calms him down.

We acknowledge the presence of a bunch of military people heading to Iraq tomorrow. That’s a new war at this point.

Zach Gowen vs. Matt Hardy

Gowen is the guy with one leg that got pushed to the moon for some reason. Matt’s Facts for the night: Matt cannot be grossed out and Matt has survived five car wrecks. This has something to do with Brock breaking Gowen’s leg and Matt declaring a win over Gowen at Summerslam. Gowen uses his speed and some kicks to take over. A middle rope bulldog gets two.

Shannon breaks up a springboard to give Matt his first advantage. A big clothesline flips Gowen inside out for two. Matt hooks a suplex and works on the arms for some reason. Hey Matt, GO FOR THE LEG! Matt goes up and misses a moonsault as Gowen tries to get the crowd to care. Gowen kicks Matt to the floor and hits a somersalt plancha to the floor. Cross body gets two back inside. Matt grabs the Side Effect for two. Gowen goes up again but Matt follows. Hardy is knocked off and a moonsault by Gowen gets the pin.

Rating: D. And that’s the last you’ll see of Zach Gowen. That’s one of the more questionable booking choices you’ll ever see but it’s WWE in 2003 so what are you expecting? Gowen was supposed to be a feel good story but the word from backstage was that he was a total jerk who thought he was some huge star. I never got the appeal of him.

Linda appeals to Vince to not have the match. He says he’s going through with it but changes the rules of the match: Stephanie can pin him instead of just winning by submission. Oh and the match is now no holds barred.

Basham Brothers vs. APA

This is about the APA hurting the Basham’s manager Shaniqua. The Bashams are named Doug and Danny, which are the names of my uncles so I’ve always liked this team. Bradshaw is blonde here which doesn’t work for him at all. He and Doug start things off but it’s off to Farrooq quickly. Off to Danny who has no luck, just like his brother. Were they brothers? I know they really aren’t but were they on screen? I’m not sure.

Doug gets in a shot to take over but his splash hits Farrooq’s knees and a brawl breaks out. Cole and Tazz get into a stupid argument as the Dominator is escaped. The Bashams hit a double belly to back suplex for two and Farrooq is in trouble. Bradshaw runs in to try to help his partner, because doing it a minute ago worked oh so well.

Off to a chinlock to eat up a few minutes until Farrooq hits a spinebuster and makes the hot tag. Bradshaw cleans house and hits the powerbomb for two on Danny. Everything breaks down and it’s Last Calls (fall away slam) all around. There goes the referee and Bradshaw hits the Clothesline. Shaniqua comes in and hits Bradshaw with a club of some sort for the pin.

Rating: D. The match wasn’t terrible I guess, but what in the world was the reason to give this nine minutes on PPV? Also why did we have to see Shaniqua in a dominatrix outfit? The match should have been on Smackdown or cut in half, but that’s the danger of single branded PPVs. The Bashams were the flavor of the month on Smackdown while the APA would split in March.

The Bashams and Shaniqua celebrate in the back and Shaniqua talks about her chest swelling, which is her explanation for some plastic surgery. Whipping is promised. I didn’t need to see this.

We recap Vince vs. Stephanie, which of course gets the biggest build of anything on the show. They were all nice and close (the Alliance Era being completely overlooked I guess) and Vince made her the GM of Smackdown. There was something about Vince sleeping with Sable and wanting Steph to resign and A-Train was involved, beating up Stephanie. The recaps were really weak back then, making it hard to tell what was going on. Vince wanted Steph to quit but she wouldn’t resulting in an I Quit match where the loser would have to resign their job. The acting is cringe worthy.

Vince McMahon vs. Stephanie McMahon

I Quit match and Stephanie can win by pin as well. It’s also no holds barred and no one can interfere on her behalf. Linda is here too to make sure this match is acted even worse. Sable is with Vince. Vince jumps Stephanie to start. He’s evil you know. Stephanie jumps on his back and screams a lot. She kicks him into the corner so he runs her over. Vince throws her around and Cole is up to about 20 “THAT’S HIS DAUGHTER” lines a minute.

Sable slaps Stephanie so Linda chases her around. Vince hooks a half crab and Stephanie screams a lot. Off to a bow and arrow and Stephanie can’t even sell her face properly. Sable slides in a pipe but Linda stops her. Vince grabs Linda so she slaps him and Steph hits Vince low with the pipe for two. She pulls the pipe back and hits him in the ribs and the back and in the face but Vince doesn’t go down. A shot from the middle rope to the top of the head gets two.

This match has been going on about four minutes and I already hate it. Sable gets in a fight with Stephanie so Stephanie rams Vince into her and bulldogs him for two. She gets the pipe again but Vince grabs her by the throat and shoves her down. Now Vince has the pipe and hits her inthe ribs. He chokes her with the pipe and Linda shouts to quit because it’s not worth it. Linda throws in the towel because Stephanie can’t give up. You know, to protect her reputation and all that.

Rating: F. This got more of a build than the world title match, the US Title match and the Angle vs. Cena match. You figure out why this was a failure.

We get about four minutes of replays and Vince gloating because we really need to drive the point home. Stephanie does the big walkout because people are supposed to care. Paul Heyman would replace her as GM. Cole and Tazz treat this like Stephanie was murdered in front of us.

We recap Cena vs. Angle. Cena is a rapper here who says he’s the real American icon and Angle is jealous about replacing him. Cena is the heel here which is a rare sight. This gets the music video treatment. There was a battle rap which was pretty funny, as was Angle dressing as a “thug”. There was an Angle midget too, which is the height of WWE comedy.

John Cena vs. Kurt Angle

Cena does a quick rap implying that Kurt is stupid and isn’t, uh, large. Oh and he’s gay. Cena as a totally disrespectful young punk is an interesting character for him. Angle is here as the old veteran that’s going to beat respect into Cena. Kurt takes him to the mat and runs him all over the place. Cena gets to the corner and looks terrified. The fans chant for Cena as the fans are still starting to like him here.

John runs him over a few times but Kurt easily takes him to the mat and works on the arm again. Angle ducks under a right hand and flips Cena a double bird. Cena comes back with a HARD clothesline and gets to the ground and pound. Angle comes back with a shoulder to the ribs in the corner but a second one hits post. Neckbreaker gets two for Cena. Protobomb gets the same and it’s off to the front facelock.

The dueling chants begin and Angle fires off some punches but he walks into a spinebuster for two. Cena goes up but Angle runs the corner. He gets knocked off so Cena jumps off with a double ax, but Angle dropkicks the knee on the way down. I can’t believe it: Angle actually hurting the leg before the ankle lock. Kurt wins a slugout and hits a Russian legsweep for two. He grabs the ankle lock but Cena grabs the rope immediately.

Out to the floor but they’re back in before I finish typing that sentence. They slug it out on the apron and Angle tries to German him off to the floor. Cena counters and DDTs him (landing on the shoulder) onto the apron to put Kurt down. Angle staggers back in but Cena dives off the top with the Fameasser for two. Kurt comes back with a German but Cena dropkicks Kurt’s knee out. Throwback gets two.

Cena misses a charge and it’s time for the the Rolling Germans which get two. Kurt can’t follow up so Cena hits a Buckle Bomb for two. The FU hits but Angle gets out at 2.9. I know the finish to the match already and even I thought that was going to be three. Another FU is countered into the Angle Slam but Cena gets out at two as well. Cena gets the chain but has them taken away. Gold medals to the head get two. Another FU attempt is countered into a backslide for two. FU is countered into the ankle lock and Cena taps. There’s something you don’t see everyday.

Rating: B+. It’s Cena vs. Angle for 18 minutes. What were you expecting here? Cena was nowhere near as good as he’d get but you could see the abilities here that were about to shine through. The near falls in this were great and it was clear that they had something special with Cena. He would turn face by Mania and would win the US Title there and the world title the next year.

Wrestlemania is coming.

We recap Big Show vs. Eddie. Eddie poured human wasted on Show so Show destroyed Eddie on a truck.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Big Show

Eddie is defending. His back looks AWFUL from going through the windshield of the truck on Smackdown. Eddie jumps Show to start which goes about as well as you would expect. Show comes back with a clothesline and works over the bad back of Eddie. Guerrero manages to duck a charging Show and send him to the outside. Eddie throws in a chair to distract the referee then whacks Show in the head with a trashcan lid.

Back in and Eddie chops him which just angers the monster. He takes it to the floor and rams Eddie into the barricade. Back in and Show stays on the back. The fans aren’t all that thrilled but Eddie manages to ram Show’s head into the exposed buckle. When the buckle was exposed I’m not sure but it certainly was exposed. Froggy Cross Body gets two and the referee gets crushed.

Eddie pulls out a foreign object to clock Show and wakes up the referee for a two count. He hits Show in the head with the title and hits the Frog Splash but the slow count only gets two. Show’s arm didn’t actually get off the mat but whatever. Eddie charges into a spinebuster for two. There’s a chokeslam but Eddie gets his foot on the rope at two. Eddie kicks him low to break up another chokeslam and a DDT puts Show down for two. And then a chokeslam gives Show the title. Totally anti-climactic ending.

Rating: C-. This was pretty dull. The problem as always with Big Show is that it’s hard for anyone to get much realistic offense in on him. Eddie was certainly trying here but the ending didn’t help anything at all. It just happened and that’s usually the worst kind of a loss. Eddie would be world champion in February, so I don’t get this one at all.

Show says he told us so.

We recap Brock vs. Taker. Brock had turned heel recently and was Vince’s main monster so Taker is his first challenger. This gets another music video treatment.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker

This is a Biker Chain match which means chain on a pole. Brock runs from Taker to start but Taker grabs the arm. Lesnar hooks a bearhug to block it, so Taker spends the next two minutes trying to get the stupid thing but still can’t hook it. FINALLY he hits the thing and rolls Brock up for two. The chain is optional apparently. Out to the floor and Taker is sent into the barricade to give the champ control.

Brock takes over back in the ring and rams Taker into the corner. Fisherman’s suplex gets two. The crowd doesn’t care at all here. Out to the floor again and Taker hits an elbow to the face. Taker comes back with a clothesline for two and then hot shots Brock to buy himself a break. Taker goes after the chain and the lights go out. He hops down and Brock breaks up his run up the corner.

A powerslam gets two for the champ. This is so boring it’s unreal. The steps are brought in so this is No DQ I guess. Brock does the Raven drop toehold to send Taker into the steps. Deadman blocks some shots into the steps and knocks Lesnar to the floor. Taker follows and piledrives Brock onto the steps. Cole thinks Taker might have gotten the worst of it. How exactly? Brock is down, Taker is up and walking around. Why am I trying to figure Cole out?

Taker goes after the chain again but Brock saves. As he brings Taker down, Brock gets caught in a triangle choke over the top rope. Back in and the steps go into Taker’s head for two. The steps are kicked into Brock’s head on the second attempt. The steps are accidentally thrown to the floor and Taker loads up the Last Ride. Lesnar escapes and they collide to put both guys down.

Clothesline sets up snake eyes which sets up the big boot. Taker calls for the chokeslam but Lesnar counters and hits a spinebuster for two. The cover is countered into a triangle choke minus the choke. The chain has been completely forgotten here. Lesnar powerbombs out of the choke and knocks Undertaker down again. Brock gets caught in a standing Dragon Sleeper but he counters into the F5. This is a lot less interesting than it sounds. The F5 gets two.

Brock goes for the chain but gets chokeslammed off the top. Naturally Taker looks for the chain instead of covering the dead champion. It wakes the crowd up at least but the freaking FBI runs in to break up the attempt. They’re a jobbing trio that Taker beat up earlier in the year. Taker beats them up and the F5 is countered into the Last Ride. Ok, so Lesnar is done. Taker’s next move? The Taker Dive onto the FBI. Why are faces such idiots? Nunzio goes after the chain but Taker knocks him down and FINALLY gets the chain. Then Vince pops up to crotch Taker and Brock gets the chain and knocks Taker out to retain.

Rating: D-. AWFUL ending to a boring match. It was like the whole point of this match was to bore the crowd as much as they could and then tease them with something interesting before the fourth guy running in could cause the ending. This set up Survivor Series with Taker vs. Vince which set up Taker leaving and becoming the Dead Man again. Just awful here though and no one cared until about 22 minutes in.

Overall Rating: D. It’s not the worst show ever, but it’s that awful combination of bad and boring which only a few shows have. Angle vs. Cena is quite good but the rest of it is stuff that isn’t required viewing at all. This is a show you easily could have passed on and I’d assume most people probably did, especially due to Vince and Stephanie being pushed this hard. Bad show.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 27, 1999
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Another request that I don’t remember. This is the final show of the year 1999 and the main event is Big Show, who I think is WWF Champion at this point. Also there’s a Pink Slip on a Pole match between Mankind and Rock. I’m not sure if you would want to win that or not based on the name. This was during the McMahon-Helmsley Era so HHH is in charge on Raw. Let’s get to it.

Here’s DX to open the show, which includes HHH and Steph. HHH says they’re running the show and they want something right here and right now. This is when the big screens that usually say RAW have pictures of HHH and Stephanie. They talk about the near perfect plan and that the only thing missing is HHH being WWF Champion. Tonight it’s Show vs. HHH for the title.

Stephanie looks and sounds so much younger here. She’s 23 here so you know she looks good. X-Pac vs. Kane tonight. HHH yells about Foley trying to raise a revolution and that Foley needs to accept that they’re the power now. Cue Mankind….er Mick actually. Tonight there won’t be a union or mutiny. He talks about how he used to think DX was pretty cool. 364 days ago (a rare admission that Raw is taped) they carried him around after he won the world title.

Now he sees a lot of young children running around and trying to hide from their mom and dad. He asks Roadie how it felt to have Test drop an elbow on him. How did it feel when Kane choked Billy down. As for Pac, he’s being thrown to the wolves tonight. HHH only cares about winning the WWF Title. Mick is in the ring now. As soon as HHH wins the title, he’ll drop DX. DX jumps Foley and Rock makes the save.

HHH says he’s sick of this and that the WWF isn’t big enough for the two of them and DX. Stephanie whispers to him and HHH says the Rock N Sock Connection will never team up again. Tonight it’s the two of them in a pink slip on a pole match. One of them is gone after tonight.

Kane is waiting for Tori to get here. Last week the Outlaws threatened Tori, costing Kane the world title. DX kidnapped Tori.

Chyna vs. Crash Holly

The Kat is with Chyna during their implied lesbian S&M period. Crash has been talking trash about Chyna so Chyna wants to fight right here. This was probably a little after Chyna’s peak. Hardcore sits in on commentary. Crash jumped Chyna to start but gets punched in the ribs and DDTed for two. A sleeper drop ends this very quickly.

Tori gets back and says she loved Christmas. She says Pac was a gentleman and Kane isn’t happy. She could have left but stayed to honor his commitment. Kane is puzzled.

During the break Tori ran into Steve Lombardi. They chatted and nothing was wrong. Test came in and put his arm around her and she freaked and backed away.

For some reason, the Mean Street Posse are doing the ring announcing, time keeping and refereeing for this.

Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Dudley Boys vs. Acolytes vs. Edge/Christian

The Dudleys have only been around since late August so they’re new and on fire at this point. JR still has to say which is which. Joey Abs is guest referee and Pete Gas says that the Posse is good friends with the Acolytes. D-Von and Christian start things off. This is one fall to a finish. Brown replaces Christian and Bubba does the same with D-Von. Sky High out of nowhere gets two. Back to D-Von who gets Farrooq. The Posse jumps Bradshaw and the Dudleys hit a reverse 3D on Farrooq for a fast count pin. Too short to rate but it was pretty bad. The Canadians were never in the match.

Bradshaw KILLS the Posse with chair shots post match. Pete takes a double spinebuster and double jackknife.

Tori is crying and Kane asks what’s wrong. She says Test touched her. It was innocent but she’s acting like he groped her. Tori says he violated her so Kane GROWLS.

HHH has bought Stephanie a diamond. Speaking of Rocks (that’s their transition, not mine) he might be out of them tonight. HHH also wants Angle to lose his undefeated streak tonight. Stephanie doesn’t like that but Kane and Tori come in and Kane demands a match with Test. Gee, that certainly gets X-Pac out of trouble doesn’t it?

Kurt Angle vs. Headbangers

Angle is still a goofy idiot and YOUR American hero so he makes sure to tell us about his Three I’s. I love this version of him as he was hilarious. He says that even though Greensboro isn’t that smart, but if they stick with Integrity and Intensity, they’ll do just fine. They have to tag. Not that it matters as Steve Blackman comes out, hits Mosh with a kendo stick and puts Angle on top for the pin. I think this was where Blackman wanted to end Angle’s streak. Depending on how you determine it, that would have been either Tazz (Angle passed out but didn’t tap) or Rock who pinned him clean.

HHH isn’t happy with Blackman’s interference. Stephanie had told him not to do that but he must have forgotten. Stephanie seems to think Angle is cute.

Mankind says that he’s sorry but tonight he’s going to have to do some unpopular things because he’s not ready to be fired yet.

Here’s Snow for some ranting. Snow is a heel here due to being shunned by Mankind for Rock. He says he’s not here for your entertainment. He’s been in this business for 17 years and he’s sacrificed a lot of things. And for what? These people? He won’t make any more sacrifices…but here’s Chris Jericho. Chris tells Snow to shut up to solve his problems.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Al Snow

Sunset flip gets two for Jericho and they trade pinfall reversals. Snow slaps him and Jericho gets all mad. They go to the floor and Jericho rams his knee into Snow’s head. Jericho tries a rana but gets powerbombed instead. Snow Plow puts Jericho down but Chyna runs in and hits Snow in the head with Head to save the IC Title. Chyna leaves all smiley. Chyna would get a title shot on Thursday which would result in co-champions. Snow’s heel turn lasted about two more weeks until the company realized they were trying to push Al Snow as a heel and came to their senses.

Mark Henry tells Harvey Whippleman that he has a lot of sexual frustration built up and he needs to be alone with Mae. However he needs Harvey to take Moolah. Harvey says no way so Moolah grabs him by the ear and chokes him as she demands they go. This can’t end well.

The Rock vs. Mankind

The loser gets fired. They’re friends so no one wants to start this off. Foley hits a quick shoulder block and goes for the pole but gets pulled down. The same thing happens with Rock but Mankind pulls him down too. DX is watching on a very small monitor in the back. Rock puts him down with a DDT but Al Snow runs in and knocks Rock out with the Head. He wakes Mankind up and tells him to go up but Mankind won’t take it that way and drills Snow, throwing him to the floor.

Mankind turns around and walks into a Rock Bottom. Snow yells at Foley and says he’ll never help him again. Rock goes up but Mankind gets a low blow to stop it. They slug it out but Mankind ducks the clothesline and puts Rock down with a double arm DDT. There’s Mr. Socko and Rock is in trouble. Mankind goes up but Rock stops him. They fight on the corner and Rock rams Foley’s head into the pole and shoves him to the floor. Rock wins and Foley is fired.

Rating: C+. This was an interesting match. The idea is that you can’t really criticize them for being tentative because that’s character driven. They’re friends so they don’t want to hurt each other but they have to do what they have to do to survive. This worked pretty well I thought although it wasn’t that exciting.

Foley gets a standing ovation and says he’s not ashamed to lose to Rock. He’s ashamed as to how it happened though. He was going to retire in the year 2000 but it’s still 1999. What just happened kind of sucks. He loved everything he’s done and please pop in a Mankind tape and know he loved this. Just don’t watch this match because DX sucks. His firing lasted like a week.

The boys thank Foley for everything in the back.

Ivory/Prince Albert vs. The Kat/Val Venis vs. Gangrel/Luna vs. Jacqueline/Viscera

Kat is Women’s Champion. Why this match exists is beyond me. Val and Albert start this off. Val gets caught in a chokebomb and a slam. He tags in….Luna? Albert runs over her so she hits him low and brings in Val to face Viscera. Gangrel comes in illegally and takes a spinebuster. There’s the Money Shot but Teddy Long (referee) says that’s not the right referee. Bicycle kick from Albert pins Val quickly. What a mess.

Time for comedy! Harvey/Mark/Mae/Moolah are at dinner. Mark reads Mae a poem and wants her in bed. Harvey doesn’t know a poem for Moolah so he makes one up that insults her breath.

Foley says goodbye to the guys in the production truck.

X-Pac vs. Jeff Hardy

Hardy means nothing at this point so this should be a show stealer. Not that it would be hard but you get the idea. Matt comes out with Jeff, as does their valet Terri. Jeff avoids some suplexes and dropkicks Pac down. Out to the floor and Jeff hits a sweet baseball slide. Whisper in the Wind to a grounded X-Pac misses and Pac takes over. Jeff comes back and a headscissors sends Pac to the floor. He runs the railing but X-Pac hits him in the ribs on the way down. Terri comes in and helps Jeff with Poetry in Motion. Swanton (called a Senton here) gets two. Jeff tries a moonsault but Pac kicks him low and hits the X-Factor for the pin.

Rating: B-. It was good but not as good as you would have expected. Jeff had nothing to lose here so he went up in the air as much as he could. That being said, he was still really young here (22) so he wasn’t quite ready to do all the flying and flips that he was supposed to be able to do here. Good high flying match though.

Back to the date and a fan asks Henry for an autograph. Harvey tries to help him spell it and the fan asks Henry why he’s such a loser. MAE HITS THE GUY IN THE CHEST! Moolah chokes him until Henry saves the guy. Mae and Mark leave to cuddle.

Kane vs. Test

Test tries to explain to Test what happened but then says give Tori Prozac or Midol. However he’ll fight if that’s what Kane wants. Kane hammers him into the corner and Tori eggs him on. Test gets some offense in but goes to the floor for some reason. Kane hits Test in the face with the steps which isn’t a DQ somehow. Now he shoves the referee and that’s the DQ. This was a beating, not a match.

Tori slaps Test post match.

Foley is still saying goodbye so HHH and Stephanie are going to send security to get rid of him.

Big Show says everything is a game anymore and the game is being run by HHH. He’s squashed everyone he’s been against and tonight, it’s Game Over.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Too Cool

Rikishi comes out for moral support. Road Dogg and Scotty start and Scotty speeds things up to start. Here comes the Worm (centipede according to Lawler so maybe it’s not perfected yet) but Dogg pops up and punches Scotty down. Off to Billy (in a sky blue t-shirt) who is in for about 5 seconds. Roadie misses a middle rope legdrop and here’s Grandmaster. Scotty and Billy fight on the floor as Rikishi takes Billy out. Sexay hits what we would call the Skull Crushing Finale and a top rope legdrop to Roadie but X-Pac comes in with an X-Factor to let Road Dogg get the pin. Short and average.

Rikishi piledrives Road Dogg post match and destroys X-Pac with a belly to belly. The Outlaws save him from the Banzai Drop though. Too Cool does get to dance though.

HHH and Stephanie have Foley thrown out.

Mae and Mark are in bed while Moolah and Harvey are in the other one. No clothing can be seen anywhere. COMEDY!

WWF Title: Big Show vs. HHH

Show still has long hair here. HHH makes this no DQ and tells DX to stay away but doesn’t sound that serious. HHH slugs him back into the corner but Show throws him in even harder. HHH knocks him to the floor and counters Show, ramming him into the post. Back in and Show Shows Up. There goes the referee and here comes DX. Roadie hits him low and Billy hits him with the belt.

That only gets two though and here comes Big Show. He knocks everyone down and powerslams HHH for two. Here comes Stephanie as it’s already 4-1. Show takes the Outlaws down with a flying clothesline and chokeslams X-Pac. Steph gives HHH a chair which caves his head in but Mankind runs in and hits HHH with the chair. Chokeslam ends this.

Rating: C-. Vince Russo may have left a few months earlier but his style was still firmly in place. This was a Russo main event with added gimmicks and run-ins galore (5 in a 6 minute match. That has to be some sort of record) on top of two chair shots and a ref bump. The match was nothing of note and Show winning capped off a bad night.

Overall Rating: C-. I have no idea if this show was any good or not. That’s due to 1999’s major strength/flaw (depending on where you sit): everything goes by so fast that you can’t tell if something was good or not because you’re busy looking at the other stuff. As for the stuff happening on this show, most of it didn’t matter as HHH would win the title the following week and Foley would be reinstated the week thereafter. That’s 1999 booking for you in a nutshell, and it was the most successful year WWF ever had by about a mile. Ok show, but not if you want in ring action.

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It’s the last show before we really get on the Road to Wrestlemania.I think I’m going to go with the champions to retain.  I don’t see anyone taking Bryan out, especially if Big Show is going to fight Shaq at Mania like the rumors say.  Same with Punk, unless they go with Jericho to set up Punk proving he’s the best in the world by taking his title back.

Tamina I guess, not that it matters.

Cena over Kane for obvious reasons.

I’ll throw in a pair of bonus matches of Swagger retains over whomever he defends against and Sheamus squashes someone.

Your thoughts/picks?

Smackdown
Date: February 17, 2012
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

This is the final show before the Elimination Chamber. By the time you read this you’ll know that Orton is out of the Chamber so tonight it’s all about finding a replacement. Other than that, I wouldn’t expect a ton of stuff to be talked about. I mean it’s not like there needs to be stories for a show like this. Why should the writers need to waste time on character development or plots when they can just throw everyone in a cage and put their feet up for three weeks? Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the Show vs. Orton match from Raw. That Super DDT was kind of cool. Bryan hit Orton twice with the belt which gave him a concussion. I’ve heard conflicting reports about whether that’s a legit injury or if he was injured somewhere else and that’s their story for taking him out.

Orton is in Teddy’s office and Teddy says its out of both of their hands. Teddy can’t let him compete because he’s not medically cleared. Security is going to escort him out of the building because Teddy is concerned about his health. We’re officially told that Orton is out of the Chamber.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is procrastination.

Big Show/Great Khali vs. Wade Barrett/Cody Rhodes

Now Barrett and Rhodes lost last week, so the logical move would be to have them win here to get their heat back going into the Chamber. Barrett starts with Khali. Wade tries to kick him in the side but Khali shoves him down. Khali chops him in the corner so Barrett tags out. Cody has even less luck and tags out also.

Before he leaves though he kicks Khali in the knee which lets Barrett kick him in the head to knock him down. Cody hooks a quick chinlock but Khali shrugs him off and tags in Big Show. He cleans house and spears Barrett down. Cody gets knocked out of the air and the chokeslam pins Wade clean at 3:32.

Rating: D. This was a squash. The guy that didn’t lose a match all of the end of last year and the Intercontinental Champion just got squashed by Big Show and Great Khali. This is what people mean when they talk about pushes starting nice and strong and then getting dropped. Barrett has gone from the top choice to be a breakout star to a guy getting squashed by Big Show in the span of 6 weeks. That’s pathetic and a big reason why there are practically no new stars being made. Also, why in the world would I buy them as having a chance in the Chamber now?

Big Show knocks Khali out post match.

Teddy is on the phone and says he doesn’t know what he’s going to do about the empty spot. Henry shows up and says he wants the spot. Teddy looks like he’s thinking about it. Big Show comes in before Teddy answers and says he wants Daniel Bryan tonight. Henry says wait your turn. Show knocks him out too. He tells Teddy to give him what he wants and then destroys Teddy’s office.

Video on the UAE tour.

Teddy tells security to wait for Big Show to calm down and then escort him out of the building. One of the guards says no way so Teddy says he’ll call for backup.

Ted DiBiase vs. Hunico

Ted’s cast is smaller this week. Hopefully this is the end of the dull feud. Hunico beats him into the corner to start but Teddy counters and beats him down as well. Big boot gets two for DiBiase. Hunico works on Ted’s bad arm/wrist but DiBiase slams him to the mat. DiBiase dropkicks him out of the air but Camacho hits DiBiase, allowing Hunico to roll him up and grab the tights for the pin at 1:45. Now GET THEM SOMETHING NEW TO DO!

Short version of the Shawn/HHH/Undertaker segment from Raw.

Usos vs. Epico/Primo

Great. ANOTHER match we’ve seen twice already. Primo and Jey start us off. The Usos double team to get control but Jimmy goes to the corner and Primo slams him off. He gets double teamed in the champions’ corner as Booker and Cole get into it again. Cole was doing well about staying on focus to start too.

Primo hooks a chinlock but misses a corner dropkick, tying him up in the Tree of Woe. There’s the tag to Jay as well as Epico. The crowd is into the Usos, as usual. The Umaga running corner shot misses but a Samoan Drop gets two. Backstabber by Primo misses and there’s the superkick. Jey’s Superfly Splash hits knees and the Backstabber gets the pin at 4:45.

Rating: D+. I’d be fine with Primo and Epico as champions if they weren’t so boring. That’s the problem I have with them: there’s nothing interesting about them at all. Rosa is interesting because she’s fun to watch shaking her hips but other than that, there’s nothing about this team that makes me want to watch them. With the Usos at least you get the Siva Tao which catches your attention. Epico and Primo will probably hold the belts for months too.

Big Show has left the arena willingly.

Bryan is here.

Video on the Chamber.

Here’s Bryan in the arena. Bryan says on Monday he got two for one. We see a clip of Bryan hitting Orton and Show with the title on Raw. He says that if either of them had any guts, they’d be out here facing him right now. However they’re both afraid. Everyone is afraid of Daniel Bryan. Everyone is afraid of tapping out because he just keeps winning. He’s proven all of us wrong and he’ll do it again on Sunday. He would have won tonight and he’ll win on Sunday. Orton isn’t here but he wants Lillian to announce him as the winner via forfeit. She does and Bryan does the huge celebration to his music.

Here’s Teddy to say hold on a minute playa. He says Bryan hasn’t competed yet, which is what everyone wants to see. It won’t be Orton, but there’s a volunteer to take his place.

Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan

Sheamus takes him down with a headlock and works on the arm to open up. Bryan comes back with some kicks but Sheamus punches him in the ribs. There are the ten forearms in the rope and thankfully they stopped calling it whatever that Irish word they had given it. Bryan tries to walk out but Sheamus runs him over. Bryan gets up on the apron and hits the running knee to the head. Back in and Bryan hits a dropkick to the ribs.

Sheamus fires back with right hands but Bryan picks the ankle to stop him. A running low dropkick in the corner gives the champion control again. This is the most offense anyone has gotten in on Sheamus in months. He blocks the kicks and makes his comeback, hitting a powerslam for two.

Irish Curse is countered into a LeBell Lock attempt. Sheamus rolls out of it but Bryan escapes the Celtic Cross. Sheamus goes after him in the corner and Bryan slaps him. The referee pulls him back and I think Bryan spits on him (the camera cut away) and that’s enough for Sheamus to throw the referee down for the DQ at 6:45.

Rating: C. This was fairly dull but it was obvious they weren’t going to give us a full on Bryan vs. Sheamus match. They would have been stupid to do that anyway as that’s a potential Mania title match. Granted that’s never stopped them before but you get the idea. The ending was a good choice as it plays up Bryan’s heel character while keeping Sheamus looking like he needs adjustments before he can go for the big one.

Barrett wants to know who Orton’s replacement is. Cody wants to know also. Teddy says there’s a battle royal tonight with anyone in WWE, from Raw to Smackdown to Superstars to NXT.

The Rock is a movie star! This is much shorter than the one on Raw, thank goodness.

Jinder Mahal vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Mahal hits a bunch of knees to the ribs as Cole suggests Johnny Curtis could head to the Chamber. Jackson runs him over in the corner and hits a side slam. The Rack is countered and Mahal hits a DDT. He hooks the camel clutch but Zeke gets out of it. A Downward Spiral sets up another camel clutch (how does that hurt the back any more?) which gets the tap at 2:06. Zeke is done. I mean he’s just DONE.

Tamina Snuka/Alicia Fox vs. Beth Phoenix/Natalya

Beth grabs Alicia to start and Fox dropkicks her down. Off to Natalya and we get a nice gymnastics demonstration from them. Natalya slides to the floor and comes back in to drop Fox for two. Beth adds in a kick to keep Fox in trouble. Natalya hooks the Sharpshooter… and the referee doesn’t see the tap because Natalya’s stupid gimmick makes him need a breath of fresh air. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? It allows Tamina to come in and hit the Samoan Drop and Superfly Splash for the pin at 2:52. I hate the Divas because of stupid stuff like this. Seriously, if this is the best they can come up with for them, drop the division.

Tamina knocks Beth out post match but she avoids the splash.

Ace and Otunga come to see Teddy. Ace says the Chamber is about charisma and star power. He suggests just putting Otunga in the Chamber instead of having the battle royal. Teddy says Otunga has the stink of a lawyer. What’s with the smell nonsense on this show lately?

Recap of the Cena/Kane/Ryder stuff from Monday.

Battle Royal

I’m not going to try to list off everyone in it. Imagine every non-main event guy and he’s probably in this. Otunga gets his own entrance. The NXT guys are in there. Bateman is the first out and it’s a standard battle royal: everyone is fighting and there’s no point in talking about anything other than eliminations until we get down to about five people. Watson is gone. Titus and an Uso follow him. Drew gorilla presses Kidd out.

DiBiase low bridges Darren Young and they both hang on to the rope to avoid elimination. DiBiase kicks him in the stomach and Young is gone. The ring is clearing out a bit but there are still too many people to count. Hunico throws Tatsu out. DiBiase knocks Camacho out as does Gabriel to McGillicutty. We take a break and come back with not much having changed.

There are about twelve people left. Make that about eleven as Hawkins is out. Riley tries the TKO on either Epico or Primo for some reason but he gets double teamed and tossed. The champs try to do the same to Reks but decide that’s not good enough, so they throw Curtis at Reks to get rid of both of them. They throw the other Uso out as well, then Primo dumps Epico.

Ok it’s down to manageable now. Hunico dumps DiBiase but DiBiase pulls him out too to keep their feud going. Gabriel and Primo throw each other to the apron but both save themselves. The camera won’t stay on a wide shot long enough for me to list off everyone in still. The both go to the apron twice more until Gabriel finally knocks Primo to the floor. Jackson knocks Gabriel out too.

It’s Otunga, Jackson, Mahal (elimianted as I type that), McIntyre and Santino. Santino loads up the Cobra but Otunga and McIntyre jump him. Drew is running over everyone with big boots….and then Santino dumps him. Otunga tries to throw out Santino but Jackson saves him. The fans are all chanting for Santino and he ducks under Jackson to put him out.

It’s Santino vs. Otunga. Santino Italianadians up and hits the Cobra but Otunga gets in a right hand to stop the momentum. A horrible neckbreaker takes Marella down. He goes to throw Santino out but is reversed and eliminated to give Santino the win at 13:12 shown of 16:42. Cole: “WE REPLACED A VIPER WITH A COBRA???”

Rating: D. To get it out of the way, the battle royal was your classic bad battle royal which I’m sure you’ve all seen dozens of. Now let’s get to the big issue here: Santino Marella is going to be in a major match for the world title on a pay per view. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I like it. Now before I get into why, I completely accept the counter argument of “IT’S SANTINO.” That’s perfectly fine and I won’t put up much of a defense against that.

However, think of some of the major criticisms of the company as of late: no new names in the main event, no surprises, no listening to the fans. Santino addresses all of those and even if he’s a comedy guy, he’s not going to win the title. He’ll be in there maybe three minutes and Big Show will knock him out or something like that. Kids are now excited for him and he’ll add some comic relief to the match (which isn’t really needed but it’s there). Also, there’s a very good chance someone will take him out and get his spot anyway.

Santino celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The show wasn’t bad this week but it’s clear they’ve had no new ideas or thoughts since the Chamber was announced. Everything since then has been about gaining momentum going into the PPV, but the problem is that it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just winning matches against other people in the match which has no bearing on the Chamber match itself. Tonight was about adding someone new and they did that, but it’s a questionable choice to put it mildly. Not a very entertaining show and they booked themselves into that corner.

Results
Big Show/Great Khali b. Wade Barrett/Cody Rhodes – Chokeslam to Barrett
Hunico b. Ted DiBiase – Rollup
Primo/Epico b. The Usos – Backstabber to Jey Uso
Daniel Bryan b. Sheamus via DQ when Sheamus shoved the referee
Jinder Mahal b. Ezekiel Jackson – Camel Clutch
Tamina Snuka/Alicia Fox b. Beth Phoenix/Natalya – Superfly Splash to Natalya
Santino Marella won a battle royal last eliminating David Otunga

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Smackdown
Date: February 24, 2000
Location: Nashville Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This was a request for reasons that I don’t remember. It’s the go home show for No Way Out where HHH faced Cactus in the Cell. The Radicals have been around for all of five minutes now and are quickly getting entrenched into the show. The main event here is what else, a tag match. Did you expect something different on Smackdown? Anyway let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from Raw of Rock making fun of HHH’s promos. There was a six man later that night where Cactus broke the window of their bus.

Hardcore Title: Crash vs. Test

Test is champion. He immediately kicks Crash in the face to start and they head to the outside. They go into the crowd and Test puts a trashcan over Crash’s head. Cole says this is what the Cell match is going to be like. Not really Cole, not really. Back to ringside and Test takes a fire extinguisher blast to the face.

Crash finds a kendo stick to whack Test as Hardcore Holly is out to watch. Crash uses the steps but jumps into a wicked chair shot. He avoids a powerbomb through two tables but walks into a big boot. Crash hits him low to escape the pumphandle and they go to the floor. Hardcore hits Test with a chair to allow Crash to win. I think he was swinging for Crash but he celebrates with him anyway.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for an opening match. The Hardcore Title was used mainly for comic relief and to give the fans a breather from the important stuff later in the show, but here it’s opening things up without anything happening beforehand. That’s very different but it wasn’t bad.

The DX Express (their bus) is here. HHH makes some midcard matches. Only HHH can go after Cactus.

Here’s Big Show who wants to know why the people don’t like him anymore. He doesn’t think he’s changed that much in the last two months. Being called a jabroni hurt his feelings. He never got a rematch with HHH after losing the title and he won the Rumble (kind of). Show has footage of the Rumble which show Rocky’s feet hitting the mat. He shows it to us three times and doesn’t get how this is right.

Cue Angle who says he’s glad to have found someone else with integrity. He shakes Show’s hand and tells us a story about integrity. Before he can get into it though, here’s Jericho. Jericho is IC Champion and has Chyna with him. He rips on both of them and says Angle makes even Show look entertaining. Jericho has an I of his own: “I wish that you would shut up!” Angel wants to have the match tonight but says let’s make it a tag match. Jericho needs a partner so here’s Rock.

Rock says he isn’t a tag wrestler but he’ll do it tonight if he can get his hands on Big Show. He doesn’t care about Angle but if it means getting to Big Show, he’ll fight Kurt too. Rock has heard all of Show’s talk and Show is absolutely right. His feet did hit the ground first and he did call Show a jabroni. The people boo him and they should. Rock has a video of his own. It’s of Rock imitating Show’s chokeslam signal. We see it again from a different angle and again in slow motion. The people boo Show because he whines and complains. Rock ends it with his usual catchphrases.

Video on the Cell.

Chris Benoit vs. Kane

All of the Radicalz come out for this, including Eddie in a sling. Kane fights them all off but Benoit takes him down. The other three get thrown out before the match officially starts. Benoit tries to suplex Kane in but Kane picks him up and drops him into the ring. Benoit takes him down and hits the Swan Dive but Kane sits up. Something that was supposed to be a tilt-a-whirl slam puts Chris down.

Kane uses his big shots to knock Benoit around and then hits the top rope clothesline. He calls for the chokeslam but instead clotheslines Benoit out to the floor. They brawl to the outside and here’s Kane’s ex-girlfriend Tori. This is being written on Valentine’s Day so it’s kind of appropriate. She and Bearer get into it but the match is a double countout.

Rating: C-. This was exactly what you would expect from a Benoit vs. Kane match. At this point Kane was a much bigger star than Benoit so the result was probably a good thing for Chris. Kane would feud with Pac for awhile and then do nothing of note for the next few months. Benoit would get the IC Title at Mania.

Kane stalks her up the ramp but X-Pac comes out and FIRES A FLAMETHROWER AT KANE. Sweet cheese and crackers that’s a bit much isn’t it?

Hardy Boys/Edge/Christian vs. Al Snow/Steve Blackman/Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn

Head Cheese lives!!! Christian vs. Blackman starts us off with Blackman running him over a few times. A kick to the face takes the Canadian down and the fans chant Head Cheese. Off to Snow and then Malenko quickly. Saturn comes in to keep up the beating on Christian. Christian manages a rollup for two and a double clothesline puts both he and Saturn down.

Hot tag brings in Jeff with a Whisper in the Wind. Everything breaks down quickly and Jeff avoids a double flapjack by the Radicalz. Jeff dives onto Saturn on the floor as Christian hits a reverse DDT on Dean. Matt is shoved off the top onto Edge as Dean dropkicks Jeff into a suplex by Saturn for the pin.

Rating: D+. It was good while it lasted but when you have to run through things like this, there’s only so much you can do. Points to them for getting all of the heel team in there in such a short match, but Matt and Edge never even got into the match. Not a bad match or anything, but too many people with too little time.

The Hardys and Edge/Christian fight post match.

Rikishi/Too Cool vs. HHH/X-Pac/Road Dogg

Roadie and Grandmaster start things off. Dogg is knocked down by a middle rope dropkick which gets two. The Radicalz are watching. Off to HHH and Grandmaster takes him down with a middle rope clothesline. Scotty sets up the Worm but Pac kicks his head off. HHH doesn’t fight low level guys so he brings Road Dogg back in. A jumping back elbow by Scotty is enough to bring Rikishi in and he cleans house.

Rikishi has a bad ankle so as he loads up the Rikishi Driver, HHH chop blocks him to break it up. DX works over the ankle and Rikishi is in a lot of pain. Pac fires off kicks to the chest but Rikishi gets all ticked off. He slams Pac to the mat but Rikishi is down too. Here’s Grandmaster who knocks everyone down. A powerslam puts X-Pac down and Scotty hits the Worm. Everything breaks down and as Rikishi loads up the Banzai Drop, HHH pops him with a chair. Too Cool hits a double elbow on Grandmaster as HHH hits Rikishi in the ankle with the chair. X-Factor pins Sexay.

Rating: C-. Standard main event style six man here. The Radicalz face Too Cool/Rikishi on Sunday which is why this match happened. That was their first feud and it would end on Sunday with the Radicalz winning of course. They would kind of split after that while HHH would move on to feud with Rock over the summer. This was fine.

HHH gets in another chair shot to the ankle post match because he’s evil.

Big Bossman/Prince Albert vs. D’Lo Brown/Godfather

Albert and Bossman beat up Tazz on Monday. No idea what that has to do with this but we see a clip of it anyway. Brown vs. Boss to start and Brown hits a middle rope dropkick for the early advantage. Albert comes in to take over. They always seemed to want to push Albert hard but it never quite happened. A moonsault by Brown misses (no idea where he was aiming) and Albert takes him down with a DDT. Godfather comes in and cleans house. Tazz comes in and hits Albert, allowing the Pimp Drop (Death Valley Driver) to pin Albert. This was short.

Here’s Cactus Jack to talk about his career in case it ends. He’s an 8 time tag team champion which is often forgotten. He talks about remembering the Thrilla In Manilla and how amazing it sounded. Then he got to see the fight later on and it ended with Frazier sitting on a stool. Foley says he’s not going to be remembered for sitting on a stool. He fought HHH at the Rumble and they tore the house down.

So then he thought he’d challenge HHH to a match in the Cell. Do you remember what happened in the last Cell match he was in? He almost died and had more injuries than he thought were possible. It was the greatest day in his career because he finished the match on his own feet. He’s seen a lot of guys prostituting themselves for one last payday and he will not do that. If he can’t beat HHH, he’ll end his career. For a month that is.

He thanks all of the fans for the times when they supported him like when he won his first world title and when they bought his book. He can’t guarantee that he’ll win on Sunday but he can guarantee he won’t end his career sitting on a stool. He’ll go down swinging or he won’t go down at all. Also, win, lose or draw, he’ll dive off the cage and land on HHH. For the Mankind fans, Have a Nice Day, and for the Cactus Jack fans, BANG BANG! AWESOME promo here and I want to see the Cell match now.

Foley goes to leave but here’s Stephanie because we can’t have a great moment without her can we? She says she’s passionate too and has dreams of her own. Last Monday her dream turned into a nightmare when he damaged her bus. He cost her a lot of money in damages but Sunday night he’ll pay with his career. She has a warrant for his arrest so he’ll be in jail. Here are cops to arrest Foley and he goes quietly. They cuff him and HHH comes out to laugh. There was no need to have them come out here but hey, at least Foley doesn’t get a big sendoff right?

Back from a break and a very young looking Coach says Kane has second degree burns on his neck and possible vision issues.

HHH and Stephanie laugh at Foley even more. Foley is in a small cage in the back instead of in jail. Only in wrestling. HHH gets the keys because the cops are stupid.

Steph and HHH taunt Foley post break.

Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Billy Gunn

The Dudleys get a tag title shot on Sunday. D-Von is brought in and thrown into Bubba. Neckbreaker gets two for Billy. Fameasser is countered into a powerbomb but Bubba misses the backsplash. Billy misses a splash but hits a Jackhammer. He loads up the Fameasser but D-Von pulls the top rope down and that’s a DQ.

The Dudleys load up a table but Road Dogg comes in for the save and Bubba takes the Fameasser through the table. Cole is very happy that a Dudley went through a table. The Dudleys would get their first tag titles on Sunday.

More taunting by HHH and Stephanie. Then they attach the cage to their bus.

The Rock/Chris Jericho vs. Big Show/Kurt Angle

Angle and Jericho start things off and Jericho gets a backbreaker for two. Rock and Show come in and Rock hits a spinebuster and pounds away. Back to Jericho who is thrown around with ease. Back to Kurt and both partners interefere. Jericho hits the bulldog and it’s back to Rock. He sets up the Elbow on Kurt but Show takes his head off. A missile dropkick puts Show down but he pops up and hits a big old chokeslam to Jericho. Chyna comes in and hits Show with a chair for the DQ.

Rating: C+. This was really short (as in like four minutes) but they had a lot of stuff going on in there. This was a very energetic match and more fun than most of the main event tags that you see in modern wrestling. It got both feuds in the ring at the same time and a lot of the time that’s all you can ask for.

The brawls continue with Show and Rock fighting up the ramp. Angle gets put in the Walls back in the ring. Show and Rock head to the back and Rock is thrown through a wall.

HHH and Stephanie drag Cactus away in the cage as it’s attached to the bus to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was fine. The wrestling wasn’t anything to remember but all of the feuds were touched on which is the top priority for a go home show. Rock and Show would have a good match and the two main event feuds would combine into a fourway at Mania which I thought was better than most people do. Good show but not great.

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Smackdown
Date: February 10, 2012
Location: BOK Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

Tonight’s main event is Orton vs. Bryan in a non title match. That means the match should be a lot better as we have one of the best in ring workers in the world today in there and on the other side we have the world champion. It’ll be nice to see him against someone who isn’t a giant and someone who might be effected by Bryan’s offense. Let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is a snow storm that might slow down the airport.

Here’s Sheamus to open the show who talks about how he has to pick which champion to face at Mania. When he was a kid he was bullied but he started fighting back. He got better with each fight until he was good enough that he got here. Sheamus says he isn’t going to change his ways because they’ve gotten him this far. Cue Barrett who says that he respects Sheamusa bit but Sheamus needs to go for the Raw title. Sheamus says he was thinking about Orton beating Barrett all over the ring last week.

Cue Cody who says he knows what it’s like to be a champion. The Chamber is a tax on the mind and he’s the strongest mentally of all of them. He’ll be a double champion as well. Here’s Big Show who says he won’t tell Sheamus what to do. He will however tell Cody to shut up. Show won’t make promises about the Chamber but asks Sheamus to think about facing him at Mania for the title.

Barrett cuts Show off and calls him a Wrestlemania punchline because Snooki has a better record at Wrestlemania than Big Show. Cody calls him the reverse Undertaker. Show takes him down and a brawl erupts. Sheamus and Show clear the ring. Gee, I wonder if we’ll have a tag match for later?

Great Khali vs. Jinder Mahal

Mahal does a ceremonial headware removal thing. Total domination by Khali as he wins with the Punjabi Plunge in 2:05. See, this is what they should have been doing to build to the Chamber: have the participants beat up jobbers. As in, you know, having jobbers do what they’re supposed to do.

We get a video of Teddy indefinitely suspending Henry last week.

In the back, Aksana and Teddy do their usual thing with Aksana kissing Teddy on the cheek. Bryan comes in and doesn’t like what he sees. Aksana leaves and Bryan goes on a rant about the barbecue that Teddy held earlier. He talks about how it was dead animal flesh and charred meat. Teddy: “I put some of JR’s barbecue sauce on it. Tasted fine to me.” Bryan says that makes him sick so Teddy says stop trying to get out of facing Orton tonight.

Beth Phoenix vs. Alicia Fox

Beth sits on the ropes and tells Alicia to get out of her ring. Fox takes her to the corner but Beth shoves her away. Alicia tries a Matrix move but gets sledged down. Glam Slam pins her at 1:17.

Phoenix loads up another Glam Slam but Tamina runs out and stares at her for the save. Beth seems happy to finally have a challenger.

Another way too long video about how awesome Rock is.

More of the very stupid Natalya gimmick. I’m not going to bother going into what it is because it’s that awful.

Big Show/Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett/Cody Rhodes

The entrances are out of order for some reason, as it goes Show, Rhodes, Barrett, Sheamus. Show vs. Rhodes gets us going and Show barks him into tagging. Barrett gets tossed in and chopped to the floor so it’s back to Cody. Show loads up the right hand so Cody bails to the corner. Off to Barrett vs. Sheamus with Sheamus running him over very easily.

Barrett gets in a knee and tags Cody back in. The IC Champion has as much success as he did before as Sheamus throws him outside. We take a break and come back with Cody getting beaten up again. The rolling fireman’s carry slam gets two. The heels finally double team Show down with some High/Low action. A missile dropkick gets two for Cody. A chinlock is easily broken but Barrett chop blocks Show to break up the tag.

Barrett chinlocks him but Show just stands up and breaks it up with a ram into the corner. Cody comes in with the Beautiful Disaster for two before Show can make the tag. Show breaks up a chinlock and makes the tag to Sheamus. A pair of Brogue Kicks later and Sheamus gets the pin on Barrett at 9:24 shown of 12:54.

Rating: C. Not bad for a main event style tag match, but it sums up the problem with Big Show: there aren’t very many ways to make an attack on him believable. It’s the same problem that Bryan has had: no matter what he does, Show can shrug it off and hit one big punch to end a match. He works better as a heel in that regard, as most monsters do because it means you can see someone slay the giant.

Here’s AJ who says she should be back in a few weeks and competing in the spring. She thanks people who supported her….and Cole goes into jerk mode, talking about how no one knows who she is. Cole asks about Monday where Big Show almost ran her over again. AJ says it was an accident, but it’s been Cole that has made things worse than anyone else. He’s never believed in Bryan and he’s stirred things up.

AJ rips into Cole and says that the WWE would be a better place if he would just shut his mouth. Cole argues back and says everyone is saying that Bryan set AJ up to get hurt. Cole will be in his glory when Bryan loses. Cue Bryan who yells at Cole and then says that on Sunday, he took a nature walk instead of eating a bunch of meat and beer. After so many people did that, how many of them recycled? He cares about future generations and he cares about AJ. Due to the people being so mean to her, Bryan is leaving the arena to take AJ home. They’ll be leaving in a Prius as well.

They leave and Cole goes on a rant about Bryan. Is Cole supposed to be a face or a heel? I really don’t think they have any idea anymore either. Booker defends Bryan….I think?

Bryan and AJ are in the back and start to leave when Teddy comes up. He says he’ll be glad to find transportation for AJ, but if Bryan leaves he’ll be stripped of the title.

Ted DiBiase vs. Hunico

DiBiase still has a cast on his wrist which is now a hard cast instead of the soft one he had two weeks ago. DiBiase fights with the right arm and knocks Hunico to the floor with a clothesline. Camacho distracts Ted a bit and Hunico gets him to the floor and rams the bad wrist into the post. Hunico throws on a few submissions but DiBiase rolls him up as he tries a cross armbreaker for the pin at 2:42.

Don’t be a bully.

Video on the Chamber and how it leads to Wrestlemania.

We get an interview with Johnny Ace from Abu Dhabi where he says WWE is awesome and that’s about it.

Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton

Big Show is on commentary for this. This is their first meeting according to Cole. They jockey for position to start and Randy controls with an armbar. Bryan comes back with some offense of his own but no one can get a clear advantage. Randy heads to the floor and shoots a glare at Big Show. Bryan hits a baseball slide and the running knee off the apron to take Randy down and we take a break.

Back with Bryan working on the arm but Randy countering into the backbreaker to cause the separation. Bryan gets another shot into the arm but as he goes up, Randy crotches him. A superplex is broken up but Bryan’s top rope splash misses. Orton comes back with his powerslam but the elevated DDT is countered by a high kick. Bryan goes up and is crotched again and this time the superplex works, getting two.

Orton starts the Stomp as Cole asks Big Show how many Wrestlemania matches he’s won. Booker: “Will you just hit him in the mouth please?” Bryan comes back and hits a running dropkick in the corner. A bunch of kicks hit but Bryan gets rolled up for two. The rollup is countered into a LeBell Lock attempt but Randy counters that into a slingshot to send Bryan to the apron. Elevated DDT looks to set up the RKO but Bryan heads to the apron. He rolls to the floor and shoves Big Show, drawing the DQ at 10:05 shown of 13:35.

Rating: B. I was really getting into this match by the end. Orton seemingly can’t have a bad match anymore and Bryan is really getting better when he’s against normal sized guys like Orton here and Punk from a few weeks ago on Raw. The ending is fine because Bryan is afraid to get beaten or fight himself, but it’s getting old to see that every week.

Orton gets in Show’s face and Show shoves him. A big brawl ends the show as Bryan smiles. Cole gets the famous line of “it’s breaking loose in Tulsa” wrong by saying “it’s breaking down in Tulsa.” I’ve never heard the second of those but maybe it’s a correct one.

Overall Rating: B-. They’re in buildup mode for the Chamber and that’s what they needed to do. Everyone in the chamber was in action tonight and we have Bryan looking like a puppet master out there, which is something that he needs to be rather than the plucky babyface that escapes with the title. Good show, but not as good as Smackdown is capable of.

Results
Great Khali b. Jinder Mahal – Punjabi Plunge
Beth Phoenix b. Alicia Fox – Glam Slam
Big Show/Sheamus b. Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett – Brogue Kick to Sheamus
Ted DiBiase b. Hunico – Rollup
Daniel Bryan b. Randy Orton via DQ when Big Show interfered

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Smackdown
Date: February 3, 2012
Location: Qwest Center Omaha, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

Well I’m another year older and Smackdown hopefully is a little better than last week. Last year there really weren’t any long matches to be seen. Bryan is still champion and tonight we find out who he’ll be defending against inside the Smackdown Elimination Chamber. I think I like the three week build better for this as the match is set tonight so what’s the point in drawing it out when the Chamber sells the show? Let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is too much cake.

Teddy is in the ring to open the show. He says there’s going to be a Smackdown Elimination Chamber match as well and here are the participants: Bryan, Barrett, Big Show, Rhodes, Orton, Henry. Those are the top guys on the roster so I can’t really argue with them. After Teddy gives us a brief explanation of the rules, here’s Henry. He complains about having a one in six chance at the PPV and demands a title match one on one tonight. Teddy says be thankful you’re in after losing the cage.

He follows that up by saying Henry is out of the Chamber and gets no title match tonight. Henry gets in Teddy’s face so Teddy suspends him indefinitely. Henry says that if he’s suspended, he’s going to earn it and grabs Long’s tie. Cue Sheamus who makes the save. They stare each other down and Sheamus kicks his head off and Henry heads to the floor.

Henry leaves and Teddy asks Sheamus if he knows which champion he’ll face at Mania. Sheamus isn’t sure yet but will announce it after the Chamber. Cue Cody who says he did all the work in the Rumble and eliminated the most people but Sheamus got the win and the glory. Cody is going to take that momentum into the Chamber and become the first dual champion since the Ultimate Warrior. Teddy makes Sheamus vs. Rhodes right now.

Cody Rhodes vs. Sheamus

This is joined in progress after a break but I don’t think we missed much. Cody tries to come out of the corner but gets caught in a rolling fireman’s carry slam. Out to the floor with Sheamus still in control. Cody manages to dropkick him into the post and hits the Beautiful Disaster off the barricade. Moonsault press gets two for Cody and he hooks a crossface kind of move. Sheamus fires back and a powerslam gets two. They go up and Sheamus knocks Cody off and hits the flying shoulder. Brogue Kick misses as does the Beautiful Disaster and Sheamus loads up the move Finlay called the Celtic Cross for the pin at 5:17.

Rating: C. Was there really a reason for Sheamus to get another finisher? What exactly was wrong with kicking the guy’s head off? Anyway, good match to get Sheamus more momentum, although I could have gone without them having Cody lose again. Sheamus is the bigger star, but there are others he could do this to.

Cody is still at ringside after the break.

Justin Gabriel vs. Hunico

No match as Cody runs in for the beatdown and is joined by Hunico and Camacho. Khali comes out for the save. Hunico takes the Pubjabi Plunge.

Drew is in the back and Teddy says it’s too predictable when Drew is in the ring. Why does Drew have a job still? He leaves and Santino comes in. Santino comes in and suggests a new tag team: SantinHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Duggan comes in and we get stereo USA/ITALIA chants. They leave and Aksana comes in. Sex jokes are made and Duggan says HOOOOOOOO!

Mike Tyson Hall of Fame video.

Santino Marella/Jim Duggan vs. Epico/Hunico

Epico vs. Santino gets us going. Off to Duggan quickly who does nothing of note but clothesline. Back to Santino who does all of his usual stuff. Santino loads up Cobra but Rosa distracts him and the Backstabber from Primo ends him at 2:42.

Back from a break and Cole is in the ring to interview the champ. Cole says that he doesn’t like to admit it, but Bryan survived. Bryan takes the mic and says this is about him. He succeeded on Sunday and calls himself a role model. Bryan talks about how being a vegan is a good thing and the fans are killing themselves by eating meat. He says he’s healthier than everyone in the building without clogged arteries and a lack of heart failure. Everyone should be a vegan but the fans say he sucks.

It isn’t fair that he has to be in the Elimination Chamber, especially against someone that he’s dominated like Big Show. Big Show is a failure in both the ring and in life due to him running over AJ. If Teddy doesn’t take him out of the Chamber, Bryan is going to the Board of Directors and Teddy may join Johnny Ace on the unemployment line. So Ace is officially gone?

Cue Big Show who says he would have been here sooner but he was in the back finishing a steak. Bryan has been calling himself a role model but it doesn’t matter if you tell people that. Show says Bryan has been lucky and a pompous jerk. After the Chamber, he’ll still be a jerk but he won’t be champion anymore. Bryan pokes him in the chest and says that he’s overcome the odds over and over again. Show goes right at him and the beating is on. He chokeslams Bryan and AJ comes out in a neckbrace. She stops the big right hand and leaves. Bryan promises to keep her safe.

Beth and Natalya are doing Hindu squats and the stupid joke/gimmick that Natalya started last week continues. Give me a break.

Beth Phoenix/Natalya vs. Tamina/Aksana

Glam Slam pins Aksana in 43 seconds.

Tamina breaks up a Sharpshooter by Natalya post match with a superkick and hits a Superfly Splash to leave her holding her ribs.

Don’t be a bully.

Great Khali will replace Henry in the Chamber.

Five minute video on how awesome John Cena is.

Orton says he’ll win the Chamber match and beat whomever he has to beat.

Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton

This is no disqualification. Bryan and AJ are watching from the back. They brawl to start as Booker calls Barrett a future Hall of Famer. Orton takes over with a suplex and hits the Stomp. Out to the floor and Barrett throws him into the barricade. Orton throws him back in and pulls out a table as we take a break. Back with Orton trying a superplex and being countered by Barrett who shoves him through it for two.

Barrett goes after the bad back of Orton by bending it around the post. Orton has his back rammed into the apron and they go back inside. Barrett hits a bunch of knees and a big boot to knock Randy right back to the floor. They go into the crowd for a bit with Orton hammering on Barrett even more. Back to ringside and Orton jumps off the apron with a double ax to the head.

Wade manages to reverse Orton into the steps and take over. He brings in a chair and tries for Wasteland but Orton escapes and clotheslines Barrett down. Now Orton gets the chair and pops Barrett over the back with it a bunch of times. The chair is wedged between the top and middle rope and Orton whips Barrett into it.

A dropkick puts Barrett down and they head to the floor again. Barrett takes more of a beating and back inside Orton hits the Elevated DDT. RKO is countered into the Winds of Change for two. Barrett loads up a pumphandle slam onto the chair but Orton counters and hits an RKO. He doesn’t cover though and moves the chair to the middle of the ring. RKO onto the chair ends this at 13:51 shown of 17:21.

Rating: C+. This was long and more of a beating by Orton than a match. I’m not sure why they had Barrett get taken down so hard here but it’s a pretty definitive ending to this feud. The match was fine and it’s not like Orton has destroyed Barrett the entire feud or anything. I liked it well enough and it was fine for a long TV main event.

AJ and Bryan are in the back and Teddy makes Bryan vs. Orton for next week. Bryan tells AJ to stay here where it’s safe and watch this. Bryan comes to the ring and celebrates while Orton is posing. The champ leaves and the celebration in the aisle ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. It was a better show than last week and we definitely launched towards Elimination Chamber pretty strong. I like them having a lot of the Chamber guys in matches beforehand as you get good matches out of it and the matches have a built in backstory. The show was better than last week but not exactly a classic. Oh and on a side note: there was a Brodus match taped but there was no sign of it here.

Results
Sheamus b. Cody Rhodes – Inverted Emerald Flosion
Epico/Primo b. Jim Duggan/Santino Marella – Backstabber to Marella
Beth Phoenix/Natalya b. Tamina/Aksana – Glam Slam to Aksana
Randy Orton b. Wade Barrett – RKO onto a chair

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