IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: October 23, 2003
Location: Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past No Mercy and that means it’s time to get ready for Survivor Series. Thankfully it also means that Stephanie McMahon is gone after having been beaten by her father in an I Quit match. Since that’s going to get some focus tonight, we’ll move on to Brock Lesnar successfully defending the World Title against the Undertaker. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

And here’s No Mercy as a bonus.

The opening recap features the narration from Sunday’s opening video and some audio from Vince defeating Stephanie when Linda threw in the towel. We need to keep Stephanie strong for the off screen wedding you see.

Opening sequence.

Here are Vince and Sable to open things up. Vince brags about his win and had a lot of fun stomping Stephanie into the ground. We’re celebrating tonight, maybe even like he celebrated with Sable on Sunday. He didn’t spare the rod with Sable because he used it all night long. On Sunday he did what he wanted by leaving Stephanie unemployed and making sure Brock Lesnar remained WWE Champion.

It was Vince who turned the lights out and sent the FBI out before he had to help things out himself. The new rule: don’t cross the boss but do have sex with the man who signs your checks. I’m assuming he’s talking about Sable there but it’s not clear. That brings us to the position of General Manager and it’s not going to be Sable. Vince: “I have some other job positions in mind for you.” No the new General Manager is….Paul Heyman. Vince is REALLY nice about forgiving past grudges.

Cole and Tazz panic but here’s Undertaker to chase Vince and Sable off. Heyman says he’s the only hope that Undertaker has because Vince is never going to help him. Tonight, Undertaker is going to have a match against Brock Lesnar and Big Show. If he can win that, he gets any match he wants. Undertaker promises to make this blow up in Heyman’s face and get his revenge.

This is certainly a change of pace and odds are this is going to get rid of Vince, or at least lower the amount of time he’ll be spending on TV. There’s no need to have two heel authority figures and Heyman can more than hold his own with the talking. Undertaker vs. Lesnar continuing doesn’t do much for me, but Vince vs. Undertaker does even less. Heyman being the new boss is interesting though and he’s certainly an upgrade over Stephanie.

John Cena/A-Train vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit

Before the match, Cena says it’s time to shake Kurt’s hand….but that’s a b**** move. He’s about to snatch his thunder back like a five finger discount and people need to get off of his….well you know. Angle headlocks A-Train down to start but some knees in the corner have Kurt down. Cena comes in with a Michinoku Driver (Where has he been keeping that thing?) for two before it’s back to A-Train for a butterfly suplex.

A big German suplex gets Angle out of trouble and it’s off to Benoit for a German suplex of his own. A-Train has to break up the Sharpshooter on Cena as everything breaks down. An Angle Slam drops A-Train and it’s the ankle lock to Cena. A-Train is up way too fast for the save and the limping Cena grabs the chain. Benoit grabs a chair from A-Train but hits Angle by mistake, triggering a fight. Kurt gets caught in the Crossface and the match is thrown out. Why? It shouldn’t be a DQ and the referee didn’t see the chair shot.

Rating: C. This was fun while it lasted but there’s not much you can do with five minutes and getting in an angle at the same time. Benoit vs. Angle could be good, assuming it leads to someone getting a fresh shot at Lesnar. Brock is needing some new challengers right now and Benoit would be a better choice than Angle at the moment.

We look at Tajiri blinding Nidia last week.

Using a webcam, Jamie Noble is serious about fixing Nidia’s sight. All the money he got from his aunt means nothing if she’s not better. If Nidia doesn’t come out of this ok, Tajiri will be paying. Serious Jamie actually worked, despite the thick accent.

Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin are excited about Paul Heyman being back when Heyman comes in. He calls them liars (oh the irony) for not calling after Brock Lesnar took him out. Therefore, the Basham Brothers are getting the Tag Team Title shot instead of Haas and Benjamin. They can have another match and that is next.

Vince and Sable are in a box and wave to the little people.

Video on Stu Hart. This one is narrated by Cole instead of Vince in a nice bit of continuity if you treat Raw and Smackdown as two completely different things.

World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Rikishi/Scotty 2 Hotty

This is Rikishi’s first WWE match since June and Scotty’s first since April 2002. Scotty and Haas get things going with a quick takedown allowing Scotty to celebrate. A hiptoss drops Benjamin and we hit the Moonwalk. Benjamin gets in a shot from behind though and it’s time to take over as we wait on the hot tag to Rikishi.

It’s off to a chinlock for a bit before the jump over Charlie and onto Scotty’s back keeps him in trouble. A clothesline gets Scotty over to the corner for the tag and Rikishi cleans house….until Shelton superkicks him down. Everything breaks down and Scotty brings back the Worm to Shelton. Haas gets a Stinkface and Rikishi sits on Shelton’s chest for the pin.

Rating: D+. Uh, yay! I’m not sure who was wanting to see Rikishi and Scotty back but there are worse ideas out there. I’ll take them over a team like Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak on Raw as Rikishi and Scotty at least have some charisma and have been successful at one point. There are worse ideas so I’ll take what I can get.

Dancing ensues post match.

Vince and Sable join in on the dancing but Undertaker breaks into the sky box. After insulting Sable, Undertaker tells Vince to pray that he wins tonight. Otherwise, Undertaker will be back and there won’t be any talking.

Eddie Guerrero is getting treatment for the injuries from Sunday when Chavo comes in and tells him to suck it up. Chavo: “THIS IS FOR GRANDMA!”

Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are challenging. A fired up Eddie hammers on Doug in the corner to start before it’s off to Chavo for more of the same. Eddie comes back in with the slingshot hilo as this is completely one sided so far. It’s off to Danny, who has ever worse luck as Chavo snapmares him into the champions’ corner. Shaniqua grabs a foot though and the Bashams take over for the first time. It’s off to the chinlock for a bit before Danny slaps on a full nelson.

Like a nitwit, Doug charges straight at the two of them and gets backdropped. A wristdrag/headscissors combination takes the Bashams down and the hot tag brings in Chavo. Danny gets planted with a running tornado DDT (looked good) as everything breaks down. It’s back to Eddie for a slingshot hilo while Chavo holds Danny in a backbreaker (that’s a new one). Shaniqua offers a distraction and the Bashams switch, allowing Doug to hit Eddie with a nightstick for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C. This screams long term booking to me and there’s nothing wrong with that. Chavo getting on Eddie before the match suggests that the team is being broken up soon and if that means a big Eddie singles run, I’m rather pleased. The Bashams still need to drop Shaniqua but at least they had a few wins to set this up.

Post match Shaniqua says they’re going to, ahem, celebrate.

During the break, Chavo berated Eddie for the loss and walked away from him.

Tajiri vs. Zach Gowen

Non-title. Gowen is wrestling in a shirt this time around, which doesn’t exactly hide the fact that he’s the size of a middle school kid. Tajiri kicks him hard in the shoulder but gets armdragged down into an armbar. A tornado DDT is countered into a spinebuster and we hit the USA chant to annoy Tajiri. Zach avoids a knee drop (with Tajiri adding a high pitched squeal on the way down) and goes up, only to miss his moonsault. Tajiri kicks his head off for the pin.

Rating: D. That’s Gowen’s last match in WWE and I’m not going to miss him. He’s the definition of a novelty act that ran its course and then stuck around even longer. There’s no hiding the fact that most of his offense is built around fluke rollups and moves that wouldn’t do a great deal of damage. Couple that with the constant “this kid has heart” and “he’ll never give up” lines from Cole and the feel good story lost all of its charm in very short order.

Post match Tajiri’s unnamed associates come in and lay Gowen out again on Tajiri’s orders.

Lesnar tells Big Show to follow his lead tonight. That’s fine with Show, who warns Brock that he’ll be coming for the title soon.

Vince and Sable are still in the box.

Bob Holly is coming back after a year off with a neck injury. He’s coming for Lesnar and wants to break his neck. That works very well aside from the being Hardcore Holly part.

Video on Hawk, who passed away earlier in the week.

Undertaker vs. Big Show/Brock Lesnar

This has way more time than it needs so hopefully there’s something after the match. Show starts for the very large team and drives Undertaker into the corner to start. Undertaker takes a rare powder when they both come in at once and it’s already chair time. Lesnar comes in for the shoulders to the ribs (a far too popular move) as Tazz thinks they might be working on Undertaker’s midsection.

A suplex gives Brock two but as usual, Show screws up, this time by running into a big boot. Undertaker goes vintage with the jumping clothesline to both guys in turn but walks into a chokeslam from Show. It’s Lesnar tagging himself in for a delayed two and ordering Show to go up top. The spike piledriver (that sounds like something you wouldn’t see from the 80s) is broken up and Show gets slammed off the top for the pin. Vince is immediately on his feet and here’s Heyman to say that this is 2/3 falls. Therefore it should be 0-0 as Show wasn’t legal but Heyman never cared about rules.

Back from a break with Heyman in his office chair on the stage and Lesnar eating Snake Eyes into the big boot. Somehow the 7’2 500lb Show manages to sneak around the ring for a clothesline but Undertaker knocks him over the barricade. Some right hands to Lesnar are enough for the countout win….but Heyman says there are no countouts. Show chairs him in the back, there are no DQ’s, and we keep going. This time Undertaker gets smart and grabs the chain to knock the both silly for the pin on Lesnar.

Rating: D+. Well it wasn’t Austin vs. Love but it did the job. Above all else here though, was it really necessary to have Undertaker get two pins on the two singles champions, including the new US Champion? I’m getting rather tired of seeing Undertaker against these two but hopefully some fresh blood is on the way. Heyman screwing Undertaker over is fine for now, but having him lose this early on is more interesting. It’s nice to have a boss who gets taken down a peg or two so soon.

Post match Show lays Undertaker out with a chokeslam and Brock adds an F5 into the post. Vince wants to come see this in person so here he comes after a break. With Undertaker rolling up the ramp, Vince screams about how Undertaker will never be WWE Champion. Vince asks what match Undertaker wants with Lesnar so Undertaker says it’ll be at Survivor Series in a Buried Alive match…..against McMahon. As usual, Vince does the cocky to terrified transition better than anyone. This was a good reveal too as there was no reason to think Undertaker wouldn’t pick Lesnar, but going with McMahon makes sense.

Overall Rating: C-. There was some change in here to make the show better (read as a lack of Stephanie) but they’re continuing the stories that are still around as well. Heyman didn’t really get to do much on his first night but he’s a long overdue change in the power structure. Survivor Series is already starting to take shape, though there’s a lot of work left to be done. They’re off to an acceptable start, but there’s a very long way to go yet.

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IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: October 9, 2003
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

With less than two weeks to No Mercy, the question becomes how can we find more time to talk about Vince and Stephanie. That story dominated last week’s show and has done so for months now. At least we’re heading towards their pay per view blowoff and that means we might be free soon enough. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s Vince/Stephanie segment with Vince demanding that she quit (again) and Stephanie saying no (again) and getting in a fight with Sable (again).

Opening sequence.

Here’s Linda McMahon with the always awesome old school Wrestlemania theme music. She knows people are used to the McMahon Family drama but then Shane wrecked a limo with Kane inside. The week before that, Vince slammed Stephanie in the middle of this ring. Now there’s an I Quit match at No Mercy so maybe she can talk some sense into Stephanie. You know you can’t let Stephanie have that much attention without her being here in person so here she is.

She’s not going to back down and let Vince win….so here’s Vince because of course we need all of them out here. Vince talks about giving Stephanie a chance to get out of this match last week but now he wouldn’t let her out of it if she got on her knees and begged her. She’s made him brutalize her but he’ll do it with a clear conscience. His soul will be cleansed because he’s being forced to do it, just like Linda forced him to sire a second child. Linda says this match isn’t fair and asks what Vince is putting up. After a little goading, Vince puts up his Chairman spot to even things up.

We’re still not done though as Sable comes out with Vince calling her voluptuous. He introduces her to Linda and Sable rubs his chest while announcing she’ll be in Vince’s corner at No Mercy. Linda isn’t surprised because Sable will offer her services to anyone. Sable slaps Linda so Stephanie jumps her, only to get clotheslined by Vince. That’s your fifteen minute opening, because last year’s great wrestling show needed to be turned into the McMahon Variety Show.

Ultimo Dragon vs. Tajiri

Non-title and Rey Mysterio, announced as the #1 contender for No Mercy, is on commentary. Tajiri grabs a wristlock to start but the handspring elbow is broken up with a kick to the back. The Asai moonsault mostly misses and they head back inside. Dragon grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but Tajiri hits a Michinoku Driver for two of his own. The Tarantula is broken up and Rey talks about using these same counters. Makes sense. Not that it matters as the Buzzsaw kick ends Dragon in short order.

Rating: C-. Nothing wrong with this one as Tajiri gets some momentum heading into the title match. I liked Rey actually talking about what he could get out of doing commentary as most of the time it’s just a way to advance a story. You can do that after the match while also making it seem like there’s a reason to be out there in the first place. I’m still not sure what happened to Dragon though, as he came in and never even got warmed up before being turned into this.

Post match Tajiri kicks Dragon again, drawing Rey in for a 619.

Stephanie has big news: LINDA will be in her corner at No Mercy! That’s so lame I can’t even bother to make fun of it.

Undertaker comes out for a match but first he promises to break Lesnar at No Mercy. Vince is about to send the FBI out here to soften him up but he hasn’t come alone. Undertaker wants us to meet his best friend and pulls out a chain.

Undertaker vs. Chuck Palumbo

Yes the FBI still exists. Undertaker wastes no time in throwing Chuck around and hits an early Old School. Nunzio offers a distraction so Chuck can get in a few shots, only to miss a charge into the post. Another distraction lets Palumbo try a superkick, which is countered into the chokeslam for a fast pin.

Post match Lesnar comes in but Undertaker cleans house with the chain.

Paul London interrupts Vince and Sable and can’t get a handshake from the boss. He can however get a title match with Lesnar tonight. Didn’t we do this with Spanky earlier this year?

Big Show shoves a burrito into the face of some guy at catering.

Zach Gowen is back. Egads good for him.

Big Show vs. Orlando Jordan

Rematch from last week when Show’s burritos gave him some issues. The announcers discuss Show’s body fat as he throws Jordan around with ease. A dropkick to the back annoys Show so much that he clotheslines Jordan’s head off. Show boots him in the face and finishes with a chokeslam in short order.

In the back, Eddie says of course he’s nervous about Big Show chasing after him. The thing is, he has some cousins around here and if Show does get some revenge, it’s going to be a very stinky situation. Eddie compares this to Jack and the Beanstalk but Big Show jumps him and kicks the heck out of Eddie’s ribs.

We look at John Cena using a chain to beat Kurt Angle last week.

Tazz is emceeing a battle rap between Angle and Cena. It’s Cena out first to say Angle has less street cred than Michael Cole. Now those are fighting words. Cole: “I’ve got some street cred!” After Angle comes out, Cena goes first and raps his usual string of insults: Angle couldn’t win a bronze in the Special Olympics, he has no testicles, and….something that Angle cuts him off which sounded like foul language.

Angle praises the rapping skills and tells a story in rhyme, talking about how Cena thinks he’s black, threatening Cena if he uses the chain again (or a-gain as the story goes) and promising to make Cena tap. That’s enough for the fight to be on until Cena hits him with the mic. Cena gets in a few kicks tot he ribs but Angle rolls some German suplexes. The thread of an ankle lock sends Cena bailing. Fine segment, though it was no “I’m just a sexy Kurt, I’ll make your ankle hurt!”

Video on Zach Gowen.

Zach Gowen vs. Shannon Moore

Matt Hardy, who is not afraid to eat alone in public and likes portabella mushrooms, is on commentary. Moore puts him on top and gets kicked in the face, followed by another kick for two. Matt: “I may be going out on a limb here, one limb in particular, but Zach Gowen doesn’t impress me as a wrestler.” A suplex into the corner takes Gowen down and it’s off to a chinlock.

Back up and a springboard kick to the face drops Moore, followed by a swinging neckbreaker. Hardy offers a distraction and Moore gets two off a rollup. Gowen grabs a DDT but Matt shoves Gowen off the top (the referee seems fine with the idea that Gowen just dove down onto his back for no apparent reason), setting up Shannon’s running flip neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: D. And that’s a Zach Gowen match: he does fairly impressive moves and the announcers talk about how amazing it is. It still has the exact same problem as always though: if you’ve seen it once, there’s not much appeal to seeing it again. Now that I’ve seen it for several months now, I’m really over it as the action is nothing above an independent level and the commentary beating the idea into my head gets really old.

Undertaker leaves Stephanie’s office and laughs.

No Mercy rundown. The card isn’t too bad but that double main event is death.

We recap the opening segment and Linda sneering still isn’t intimidating.

Chris Benoit/APA vs. Basham Brothers/A-Train

Hang on a second as the Bashams chair the APA down, leaving Faarooq down in the aisle and making this a handicap match. This must be the start of transitioning Faarooq out as it’s the second time in a few weeks where Bradshaw has wrestled and Faarooq hasn’t for one reason or another.

The double teaming is on with Bradshaw getting taken apart, including a Vader Bomb from A-Train as Faarooq is taken out. Danny grabs a chinlock but A-Train misses another splash, allowing the hot tag to Benoit. A-Train takes a German suplex and the Sharpshooter makes Danny tap but he’s not legal. The referee says no and it’s A-Train hitting the Derailer for the pin.

Rating: D+. I know I’ve said this a lot tonight but that’s another match where it went as you would expect. A-Train pinning Benoit when he had an advantage was fine, but it’s still setting up A-Train vs. Benoit on pay per view. This also seems to be setting up Bradshaw’s singles run and….egads.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Paul London

Paul, who is challenging, doesn’t even get an entrance. Brock actually says he respects London for coming out here but gets cut off by the YOU TAPPED OUT chants. He offers London a chance to look at the title, which he might get to hold himself one day. London does touch is and gets a hard clothesline as the beating begins in a hurry. Powerslams and a powerbomb set up the F5 to destroy London in less than ninety seconds. In case you didn’t get the idea when he did this to Gowen and Spanky earlier this year.

Post match Brock loads up the F5 into the post but Spanky runs out for the failed save attempt. Lesnar throws him back first into the post for a great looking bump. Cue Undertaker to say Stephanie has made their match at No Mercy a biker chain match. That’s all we hear and the announcers are left wondering what the heck that is. Good thing Undertaker decided he liked chains earlier in the night.

We look back at Big Show attacking Eddie earlier.

Chavo Guerrero leaves the trainer’s room and says Eddie is pretty banged up. He’s going to call Big Show out.

Post break Chavo is in the ring calling Show out. Here’s Show in a suit to say he’s hitting the town. Oh dear I’m scared of where this is going. Chavo says he’s chicken and that’s actually enough to get a match started. Who knew Big Show was a Marty McFly fan?

Big Show vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo rolls outside and it’s a countout at about forty five seconds.

Chavo isn’t done as he waves a sewage truck out with Eddie riding on the back. For some reason, Big Show stands in the ring which Eddie talks about his cousin bringing this truck to the arena. Eddie talks about the hose on the truck that you put in the ground to pull out all the….well you know. He’s going to spray it on Show, who FINALLY gets out of the ring and runs away, only to trip over a cord. Eddie sprays him down a few times and Big Show falls down multiple times to end the show. Counting the stuff before the break, this was the last fifteen minutes of the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh man that was awful. The show started with a fifteen minute McMahon summit and then ended with a fifteen minute segment built around spraying Big Show with human waste. In between, there was something about Undertaker discovering a love of chains, a battle rap, and some short squashes. That’s how they’re going to make us want to see a pay per view featuring the battling McMahons and something called a biker chain match. This was a total misfire and one of the worst Smackdowns I can ever remember.

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IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: October 2, 2003
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Somehow we’re less than three weeks away from No Mercy but as luck would have it we already have a double main event. In this case it’s Vince McMahon vs. his daughter Stephanie in an I Quit match and Brock Lesnar defending the Smackdown World Title against Undertaker. This isn’t exactly the most thrilling stuff in the world but guess which one is going to get the most attention. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

Opening sequence, still including Sean O’Haire. I don’t remember the last time he was even on this show.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Matt Hardy

Matt, who has had four speeding tickets but gotten out of over twenty of them, is challenging. Eddie is ticked off at Matt for injuring his ribs last week so the stomping is on in a hurry. A shoulder puts Matt down but bangs up Eddie’s ribs all over again. Eddie gets dropped ribs first onto the top rope and Matt starts in like a villain should.

Matt plants him with a powerbomb for two and the Side Effect gets the same. A bow and arrow hold is countered into a neckbreaker and Eddie gets a breather. Three Amigos connect as Tazz is talking about Mexican hockey teams. Matt is ready for the frog splash though and brings Eddie down with a superplex.

A neckbreaker cuts Eddie down again but Matt would rather distract Chavo, allowing Shannon to come in with a title. This is what happens when you let lackeys run wild. Naturally Eddie takes it away and throws the title to Matt while feigning innocence. The referee gets rid of that belt but Chavo hits Matt with the other one because cheating is a family business. The frog splash retains the title.

Rating: C+. The endings might be a bit unoriginal but you try turning down that grin. Eddie had so much charisma that it’s almost impossible to not like him at least on some level and that’s what worked so well here. I could watch Eddie do this stuff for hours and the wrestling working so well helped too. Eddie has been the best thing about the last several shows and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Video on Wrestlemania tickets going on sale.

John Cena got annoyed at Josh Matthews for talking about “dope rhymes”. Tonight, Cena puts Angle in his shadow.

Eddie and Chavo run into Big Show and ask him about him attacking Eddie last week. Show doesn’t like “Eddie’s kind”, but he does like Mexican food. He shoves Eddie down and Chavo isn’t happy with the lack of Latino heat. Eddie is going to take care of this Guerrero style.

APA vs. Basham Brothers

It’s a brawl to start and of course the APA gets the better of it, easily clearing out the ring. Faarooq beats both of them up on his own before it’s off to Bradshaw for chops and a Last Call on Doug. Shaniqua offers a distraction though and Danny posts Bradshaw to take over. As usual, Shaniqua comes off like the star of the team, completely defeating the purpose of her being out there. Bradshaw suplexes his way out of a chinlock and it’s back to Faarooq for the house cleaning. The referee gets bumped (In this match?) so Shaniqua kicks Bradshaw in the face, leaving Faarooq to take the Ball and Gag for the pin.

Rating: D. Again, I’d like to point out that I’m supposed to be interested in a team whose finishing move is called the Ball and Gag. There are times where a gimmick is going to kill yo before you can do anything else and that’s what’s happened with the Bashams. I have no idea why they spent so much time down in developmental to be given this treatment on the main roster, but it shows the disconnect between the two places.

Post match, Bradshaw hits Shaniqua with the Clothesline. Again: she’s treated like a more important deal than the team she’s managing.

Chris Benoit vs. Charlie Haas

A-Train is on commentary. As you might expect, it’s a grappling exchange to start with neither being able to get much of an advantage on the mat. Charlie’s hammerlock is reversed into a wristlock as A-Train rants about Benoit not being able to get him in the Crossface. Benoit headlocks him down and does it again when Charlie tries to get up. It’s too early for the Crossface though and Benoit is sent outside.

A-Train actually does something by offering a distraction, allowing Haas to baseball slide Benoit down. Haas starts in on the ribs with a gutbuster before a clothesline gets two. Something like an abdominal stretch with Benoit on the mat keeps the ribs in trouble as A-Train continues to have nothing interesting to say. Some kicks to the ribs set up a normal standard abdominal stretch as Benoit just can’t get anything going.

A single German suplex rocks Charlie but he takes Benoit right back down to continue the wrestling clinic. Benoit finally gets in a clothesline and the release German suplex is good for two. Haas is right back with a suplex of his own, dropping Benoit on his head in a scary landing. Not that it matters as Benoit slaps on the Crossface, drawing A-Train in for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Haas is someone who sticks to a game plan very well as his finisher works the ribs so he beats on the opponent’s ribs for the entire match. What’s not all well and good is A-Train talking. He looks like a monster and wrestles a monster style, but egads he doesn’t need to be out there talking. It’s just not something he’s good at and him saying these really lame limes for the whole match didn’t make me want to see them fight. Stick to what people are good at and stop trying to wedge them into places where they don’t fit.

Post match A-Train puts Benoit in a Crossface of his own.

Here are Vince and Sable for their weekly segment as Cole tries to explain why Vince vs. Stephanie is still going. Tazz thinks it’s all a way to get Stephanie to quit. What gave you that idea Tazz? All the times where he ordered her to quit? Vince talks about everyone needing an opportunity to be forgiven for making a mistake, which brings him to Stephanie. She needs to reverse her decision to have Brock Lesnar defend the title against Undertaker and then quit immediately.

Cue Stephanie (nearly falling out of her top the entire way) to say she won’t do either of those things. Vince ups the ante for No Mercy: when she quits, she’s out of a job too. Stephanie almost begs him not to make the match but Vince goes into a rant about how Stephanie is throwing away all the years of their relationship. He calls what she’s doing defiance and Stephanie starts getting what she considers emotional.

Sable reminds Vince of what he called Stephanie last week so Stephanie tells her to go lay on her back in the men’s locker room like she does best. The catfight is on until Vince slams Stephanie, who starts crying. Undertaker comes out for the save and kicks fellow invader Brock Lesnar in the face as more crying ensues.

So quick recap of this story: we’re supposed to be on the side of and feel sympathy for the rather good looking (and surgically enhanced) millionaire heiress who is being told to quit her vanity job by the father who caused her to be a millionaire heiress in the first place? Oh and after EVERYTHING that Vince has done to people over the years (and that Stephanie has done to people over the years for that matter), a single slam is supposed to be this big, devastating moment? And this is their best idea?

A very stereotypical Mexican delivery guy (complete with a brightly colored blanket and a sombrero with MEXICO written on it) shouts about a delivery of burritos for Eddie. Big Show intercepts them and eats one before spitting in another, which is especially for Eddie. The delivery guy has no issue with any of this.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is defending. Kidman accidentally runs into the referee to start (not something you see very often) but manages to hurricanrana the champ out to the floor. That means a big dive as things are starting fast. Back in and Kidman’s slingshot is countered with a kick to the shoulder and Tajiri takes over. Tajiri starts in on the arm with a hammerlock and some knees as Tazz talks about the importance of intensity.

Another kick to the shoulder set s up another hammerlock as this isn’t exactly what you would expect from Tajiri. Kidman comes back with an enziguri for two but Tajiri kicks him out of the air (that’s more like it) to take Kidman down again. The BK Bomb gets two and Kidman ducks the Buzzsaw Kick, only to get caught with a low blow. Now the Buzzsaw Kick connects to retain the title.

Rating: C. The arm work was a nice change for Tajiri and it made for a fun match. The cruiserweight division isn’t the most interesting in the world right now but at least the talent still around is putting on some good to very good matches. That being said, what in the world happened to Ultimo Dragon? He’s still doing dark matches and Velocity, but that might be a record for the fastest fall from grace I can remember in a long time. It was like two weeks.

Orlando Jordan vs. Big Show

Show comes to the ring holding his stomach and seems to have some issues after kicking Jordan in the ribs. A clothesline puts Jordan down but Show bails to the floor and takes the countout due to stomach issues. Cole after the countout: “The burritos having a negative effect on Big Show!” Thirty seconds later: “What is wrong with Big Show???”

Zach Gowen joins us live via satellite and says he’s tired of being asked how he’s doing. He knows wrestling is for him and he’s back in the ring next week.

We now join Big Show in the bathroom with various sound effects. Eddie comes in and admits that he spiked the burritos, knowing that Show would steal them. He also steals the toilet paper because COMEDY! So to recap: a few weeks ago, Eddie was in a great fight with Cena inside a ring of cars and then became a double champion. Now it’s toilet humor. Thanks for that WWE.

John Cena/Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle/Undertaker

Cena’s rap says he makes it ok to root for the villain and something about a man dressed as a woman. The fans remind Lesnar that he tapped out as Kurt and Cena start things off. Kurt takes him down without much effort and armdrags Cena into an armbar. One heck of a clothesline gives Angle two and it’s off to Undertaker. The arm cranking continues but Undertaker stops to swing at Lesnar.

The distraction lets Cena poke Angle in the eye and Kurt gets beaten down in the corner. A good looking backdrop puts Cena down though and we take a break. Back with Lesnar firing off shoulders to Kurt’s ribs in the corner as we’re firmly in the tag team formula. Lesnar stomps on Kurt and hits a gorilla press, only to have Angle grab a German suplex. Cena offers a distraction though and the referee misses the ensuing hot tag.

A Shell Shock of all things gives Brock two and a powerslam plants Kurt again. Somehow Kurt is right back up with the Angle Slam and it’s a double knockdown. That’s enough for the hot tag to Undertaker, who comes in with the running corner clotheslines. Brock is thrown to the floor (nearly landing on his head in the process) but still comes back in to break up the cover on Cena. There’s a spinebuster to Undertaker though and it’s back to Angle via the power of Olympic recovery skills. Suplexes a go-go have the villains reeling but Cena grabs the chain to knock Angle cold for the fast pin.

Rating: B-. Pretty solid main event tag here as I’m always a fan of combining two feuds into one for an easy match like this. Cena pinning Angle is the right call as Angle showed he’s dominant with wrestling and playing by the rules but loses when Cena cheats. Undertaker being all fired up doesn’t do much for me but it’s all we’ve got for a co-main event right now.

Post match Lesnar loads up the F5 to put Undertaker through the table but gets reversed, setting a chokeslam through said table to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a show where the wrestling was completely acceptable for the majority of the show but the stuff outside of the matches was dreadful. I mean, spiked burritos and OH NO VINCE MCMAHON DID A WRESTLING MOVE??? We’re coming up on a pretty weak pay per view with the battling McMahons as the real main event but the rest of the show isn’t exactly thrilling either. At least the TV is watchable, which is more than can be said about the episodes of Raw leading up to Unforgiven.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: September 16, 1999
Attendance: 8,219
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is only the fourth episode of the show and there’s a big time main event which we’ll get to soon enough. We’re at the dying end of the Russo Era and that means things are going to be a little big screwy. In other words, expect a lot of stuff going on at once but almost no good wrestling in sight. Let’s get to it.

Earlier today, the referees were on strike. Why do wrestling companies think we care about referees?

Opening sequence, including a shot of Chris Jericho, who had only debuted about five weeks earlier. That’s some fast turnaround.

Cole calls this “the hottest action adventure series” on network TV. Vince must have had a thing about that kind of term around this time.

Here’s Steve Austin to get things going. Cole: “He is sports entertainment personified!” Oh yeah Vince wasn’t happy with something. Austin lost to HHH via DQ on Monday but that’s not it between them by a long shot. When HHH beat on his knees with a chair at Summerslam, he stopped way too early. As long as Austin is walking, he’s going to hunt HHH down like the jacka** he is.

Austin wants a rematch tonight and we might as well make it no holds barred. That’s the easy way, but HHH could go with the hard way and be taken out in a body bag. Cue HHH, flanked by Chyna and a bunch of cops, to respond. HHH says no shot tonight so Austin tells him what the fans are shouting. The title is on the line tonight but Austin isn’t getting the shot. Instead it’s someone of HHH’s choice and Austin has shared the ring with him before. Austin promises to follow him all night long.

Of note: this is your standard opening but, counting the opening sequence, they’re done about nine minutes into the broadcast. You CAN do these things in less than the fifteen to twenty minutes they tend to receive, but they decide to go long with them anyway. And yet people still can’t get TV time.

We see clips of referees getting beaten up.

Tonight: Big Boss Man vs. Al Snow in a PEPPER ON A POLE MATCH! Make your own Russo jokes.

Here’s Shane McMahon to call out Mean Street Posse member Joey Abs. Shane isn’t happy with Joey interfering in Stephanie’s personal life so it’s time to demonstrate some brotherly love.

Shane McMahon vs. Joey Abs

Joey has the rest of the Posse and Terri (a pairing I don’t remember at all) with him. Shane wastes no time in slugging away but the Posse comes in because there are no referees due to the strike. Then who ordered the bell to be rung? Gerald Brisco runs out to referee and counts two off Shane’s rollup.

Joey’s suplex gets the same so Shane elbows him in the jaw, only to have Pete Gas pull Brisco out at two. Somehow Pete gets the better of it but heel miscommunication drops Rodney. Cue Pat Patterson to count two off a small package with Rodney making another save. Shane hits a corkscrew swanton (because of course he does) for the pin with Shawn Stasiak running in as the third referee.

Rating: D. I have a feeling we’ve got a show long storyline here and since it’s about the referees, I have no idea why that’s supposed to be a good thing. WWE has a bad tendency to put focus on people who shouldn’t be getting said focus and that’s what’s going on here. Shane vs. the Posse is in the same boat but at least Shane has charisma.

Stephanie comes out to celebrate with the three referees and Shane as Test, Stephanie’s fiance, looks on. She also kicks Joey low for a bonus.

Internet celebrity Cindy Margolis is shown in the crowd and Women’s Champion Ivory isn’t happy.

Here’s Ivory to talk about all the people she gets to meet as champion. She introduces Margolis and asks for her to get in the ring, which Cindy declines. Ivory finally talks her into it and praises Cindy for being even more beautiful up close. She asks Cindy to do one of her poses but when Cindy says no, Ivory grabs her by the arm and makes her do it. Cue Jeff Jarrett to put Cindy in the Figure Four, sending her into….well it doesn’t seem to be pain. Fear maybe? Jarrett takes Ivory’s knee out too just for good measure. Just a celebrity cameo to advance Jarrett’s chauvinist run and there’s nothing wrong with that.

HHH won’t say who he’s challenging tonight but it won’t be Austin. This is kept short, mainly because it doesn’t change anything.

European Title: Mark Henry vs. Steve Blackman

Henry is defending after leaving Blackman in a tag match to go watch Godfather’s girls dance. Tony Garea of all people is refereeing as Blackman easily knocks Henry outside. Cue Val Venis with a kendo stick to take Blackman out, giving Henry the easy pin.

Henry’s ex-friend D’Lo Brown comes in and hits a REALLY impressive Sky High on Henry.

Jarrett yells at Cindy as she’s being taken away in an ambulance but Test comes in for a save.

Post break, Jeff challenges Test to an Intercontinental Title match.

Chris Jericho vs. Ken Shamrock

Jericho is flanked by Curtis Hughes, his bodyguard of three days. I barely ever remember this very short run, mainly as Jericho hasn’t even been around for six weeks yet and Shamrock is almost gone from the promotion. Before the match, Jericho insists that Shamrock has declared him as the World’s Most Dangerous Man. Therefore, tonight Jericho is allowing Hughes to take his place. Before we get started though, Jericho brings out his own guest referee: the masked EL DOPO!

Curtis Hughes vs. Ken Shamrock

Jericho jumps in on commentary and rips on Cole’s terrible commentary skills. Shamrock takes Hughes down to start and hammers away, only to be backdropped to the floor. Jericho gets up and the chase is on, allowing Hughes to clothesline Ken down. The double beatdown ensues but Shamrock picks the ankle for the ankle lock. Hughes grabs the rope and it’s an immediate DQ for not letting go of the hold.

Rating: D. This pairing feels so out of place, mainly because of two of the three people leaving the promotion so soon. Shamrock could have done well in the company around this time but he was just gone rather soon, not even wrestling at the upcoming pay per view. His last match would be the following week and it’s not like this one was anything worth seeing.

Mankind says he and Rock will be teaming together in this five man Royal Rumble. They’re like a finely tuned automobile: Rock is the front end and Mankind is the rear end, but the PEOPLE’S rear end!

The referees are still on strike.

Before the five man Royal Rumble, here’s Rock to tell his four opponents to go to a casino and play the people’s slot machine. Someone can pull the handle and get three Brahma Bulls. Maybe it’s Undertaker with his eyes rolling back while Kane uses his voice box to say WE WON WE WON LET’S PARTY and turn some cartwheels while Big Show makes odd noises. Then Rock will come in, shine up the gold coins and….well you know. I remember this from when I was a kid and thought it was the funniest thing I’d ever heard.

Royal Rumble

The winner gets….to start against HHH in the Six Pack Challenge at Unforgiven. That’s not the greatest prize in the world but the writing isn’t the best in the world around here either. Rock is in at #1 and Big Show is in at #2 with one minute intervals. A bunch of right hands and an attempt to throw Rock out don’t get us very far until it’s Mankind in at #3. Big Show gets double teamed and Rock actually gives Mankind a thumbs up.

Kane is in at #4 as the Royal Rumble stipulation is looking ridiculous. More punching ensues and it’s Undertaker, in street clothes, in at #5 to complete the field. Undertaker actually sits in on commentary (!) as Rock DDT’s Kane. Rock saves Mankind from a chokeslam and the pair gets rid of Kane. That’s it for the alliance though as Rock dumps Mankind, only to walk into a chokeslam. Show gets too cocky and can’t get rid of Rock, drawing Undertaker in to eliminate both of them for the win.

Rating: F. What in the world was the point of that? It wasn’t even five minutes long and the timed entrances meant absolutely nothing. Terrible stuff here and another instance of adding a gimmick that didn’t need to be there. As lame as a five man battle royal would have been, it would have been better than this.

Post match Show glares at Undertaker but Mideon and Viscera come out to get between them. Rock tries to come in with a chair and gets beaten down. That would be Undertaker’s last “match” on TV for about eight months as he was out with a groin injury and tore his pectoral muscle during a return in December. Next up for him: Biker Taker.

The Hollies come out to challenge Chyna, who has been looking for a partner.

Hollies vs. Chyna

And there’s no partner so this is a handicap match, at least to start. Chyna punches Crash in the face to start and it’s quickly off to Hardcore. A double low blow brings the Hollies down as Dave Hebner makes an ultra rare cameo appearance and doesn’t mind the blatant cheating. Cue Billy Gunn to be Chyna’s partner (despite them having issues at this point) as the Hollies elbow her in the face. Hardcore spends too much time running his mouth though and gets caught with a DDT. Gunn tags himself in and slugs away, even if Chyna doesn’t seem happy with it. The Fameasser puts Hardcore away in short order.

Rating: D-. Another short and nothing match that was just there to get people on the show. Chyna was doing what she could here and certainly looked to belong out there with the men, though it still feels like a bit of a novelty. At least they didn’t waste much time on this one and that’s how it should be.

Post match Jarrett comes out and decks Chyna. Cue Jeff’s ladies Debra and Miss Kitty, the latter of whom has a bag. They pull out a frying pan, soup ladle and apron, all of which wind up on/in Chyna’s hands. Jeff tells her to go start making his supper. So he’s a soup lover?

Big Boss Man has, I kid you not, the remains of Al Snow’s cooked dog Pepper in a doggie bag. Let’s put it on a pole! Seriously that’s what we’re doing.

Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man

Sgt. Slaughter is referee. Boss Man shrugs off a clothesline and punches Snow down. Al’s crossbody is blocked and Boss Man gets in a nightstick shot to the ribs. Cue the British Bulldog with some rottweilers to corner Boss Man (Because the KENNEL FROM H*** IS COMING!). With nothing else to do, Boss Man grabs the bag and throws it to the floor, where Snow picks it up for the win. Total and complete waste of time. Like more so than the Rumble.

HHH and the cops walk as Austin watches.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Test

Timekeeper Mark Yeaton is referee. Jarrett is defending and Test charges to the ring to grab an early spinning sidewalk slam for two. A gutwrench powerbomb gets the same and here are Pete Gas, Rodney and Terri to ringside. Jeff’s middle rope clothesline cuts Test off and here’s Stephanie to say stop this. Shane comes out to beat up Rodney but here are Patterson, Brisco and Stasiak as the match is thrown out. This was less than two and a half minutes and had EIGHT PEOPLE RUN IN.

Test’s shoulder is sent into the steps so Jeff hits a flying armbar. Shane has to save Stephanie from a Figure Four as Jeff runs off.

Post break, Stephanie and Test leave.

Here’s HHH for the title defense but he wants Shane of all people to be guest referee. In the back, Vince and Linda (in a rare cameo) ask Shane if he’s up for this and of course Shane is ready. Shane comes to the ring and seems cool with HHH (So he’s a face but cool with the heels?), who talks about all the people NOT challenging him tonight. It won’t be Austin, Undertaker, Kane, Big Show, Mankind or Rock.

That doesn’t leave too many people who have been in a main event with Austin (Wasn’t it just sharing the ring earlier?), but HHH has an idea. He calls out Vince, who comes to the arena after HHH suggests that Linda might like a little time with the Game. So to recap: Shane is on HHH’s side but was hanging out with HHH’s top rival? Can we get rid of Russo already? I’m getting a headache. Anyway here’s Vince in a suit with a mic but he can’t talk HHH down. HHH questions the grapefruits but Vince still says no. Another suggestion of sex with Linda is enough to get Vince to jump HHH and we’re on.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. Vince McMahon

HHH is defending and easily stomps Vince down to take over. Vince’s right hands are shrugged off and the boss is in even more trouble. Shane cheers Vince on as HHH stomps away and even tells Chyna to stay away. Vince goes to the eyes and hits HHH low (Which Shane cheers. So he’s not on HHH’s side but does what HHH asks and stands next to HHH and Chyna in peace?) but can’t follow up. They head outside with HHH using a cord for a choke, followed by an elbow to drive Vince through the announcers’ table.

Back in and HHH grabs a chair before shoving Shane down. A chair shot to Vince is enough to make Shane tackle the champ, earning himself a chair to the head. Cue Patterson, Brisco and Linda with the Stooges getting beaten down in short order. Chyna grabs Linda as HHH hammers on the bloody Vince. The Pedigree is loaded up and heeeere’s Austin (through the crowd to avoid the cops) for back to back Stunners to give Vince the title.

Rating: D. Egads where do I even begin? So not only is this basically Foley beating Rock for the title from ten months ago (even down to Austin being the one to run in and change the title) but AUSTIN WOULD NOT HELP VINCE GET THE TITLE! I don’t care who Vince is beating or what it gives Austin, he would NEVER do this and it’s very out of character for him. Austin isn’t going to just accept Vince as someone he’ll help just because Vince is now a face (you know, the guy revealed as the Higher Power THREE MONTHS AGO) and it’s very stupid to suggest otherwise.

Now for the interesting part: comparing this to Vince Russo winning the title about a year later. As is so often the case, of course it’s not the same thing and of course it’s more acceptable here. First of all, the WWF is riding high at this point and can afford to take some chances. Russo made himself champion when the company was dead in the water and living on borrowed time.

A risk like this is more acceptable when you’re on top of the mountain and not seemingly desperate to pop a rating. To go along with that, what good had Russo done for WCW? I’m guessing a lot less than McMahon had done for the WWF in that week alone. Russo was dragging the company down with him and decided to make himself champion pretty much for his own ego. What a boss.

Second, and more importantly, this advances several stories, including but not limited to Austin vs. HHH, Vince vs. HHH, Shane’s issues (whatever they are at the moment) and adds some drama to Unforgiven. Russo winning the title advanced Vince Russo, who had done it several times before. Sure McMahon looks good here, but he was also a big time character in the WWF and had been for a very long time. Speaking of looking good, consider their physiques. McMahon has been on the covers of fitness magazines while I’ve seen ten year olds with more muscle than Russo.

These are somewhat comparable angles, but one was well done and benefited several people. The other was an ego trip which served a bad writer who wanted to be a wrestler but wasn’t talented enough. Russo can try to say it’s the same thing all he wants, but then again he’s the kind of guy who still thinks he was some kind of a brilliant writer and….well just look at this show.

Vince is carried to his feet to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. And somehow, this is much better than a lot of what Russo does. Be it the rapid fire short matches which don’t have time to offer much of an impact or me trying to figure out which end is up on the face/heel alignments or the show revolving around a storyline about referees, I’m not sure what on here is supposed to be good. The ending is a big surprise but the rest of the show is such a mess and the wrestling is such a runaway train that there’s not much positive about the whole thing.

Here’s Unforgiven if you’re interested (bear in mind that this is old and really not very good):

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/04/19/unforgiven-1999-cracking-open-a-six-pack/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: August 28, 2003
Location: Haskins Center, El Paso, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Summerslam is over and done with and this show has to be better than Raw. I know Smackdown hasn’t been great in recent weeks but this week’s Raw was one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen. Kurt Angle could sit in the ring, read a newspaper and have a watercress sandwich and it would still beat Raw so they don’t have much of a bar to defeat. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero, who parks his car outside to make the already rabid fans wait on him a little longer. Eddie comes in through the crowd and is the biggest face to face around here in a LONG time (which isn’t much of a stretch as he’s been the hottest act on the show for months now). In a funny bit, Eddie hugs Tazz but ignores Cole before putting a sombrero on him. Eddie’s family is in the front row and my goodness this is one of the best receptions you’ll see in wrestling. I know it’s his hometown but the fans absolutely love Eddie. It gets even better when he greets them in Spanish and says he’s at home.

This is where lying, cheating and stealing started and we hear the Guerrero family history of his great, great grandmother walking the streets of El Paso, possibly after illegally jumping the border. One day a cop stopped her and asked if she belonged there. That earned the cop a tongue lashing in Spanish but she was just saying of course she belonged in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

That was the first ever Guerrero lie but then she had to take the citizenship test. It was all in English though so she looked over at the other grandmother….and beat the heck out of her before stealing the answers to become a citizen. Finally, as she was leaving the office, she saw a low rider. Eddie: “Ok they didn’t have low riders back then. It was a donkey.” This brings out John Cena, who is in WAY over his head here.

Cena makes his usual gay jokes and Eddie just smiles at him. He threatens to call border patrol and that’s a bit too far for Guerrero. Cena thinks Eddie should be a citizen before being the US Champion. A fight with Cena would be a setback because he would leave him with a broken…..well it rhymes with setback.

Eddie isn’t about to have Cena talk about his raza like that and accuses Cena of thinking he’s more of an American. Cena calms him down and talks Eddie into a US Title match later tonight. Cena implies he’ll leave with Eddie’s sister and the brawl is on. Eddie steals Cena’s jersey before rapping at him about how Cena will taste defeat thanks to the Latino Heat.

This was a GREAT face turn as Eddie is one of the most charismatic guys on the roster and the fans have been begging to cheer him for months now. Doing this to open the show in Eddie’s hometown was the perfect move and exactly how it should have gone. Oh and the stuff about the grandmother was hilarious.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Nunzio

Rey is def….hang on I need a minute. Rey is defending. Sorry I haven’t had to say that in a long time and I was out of practice. Cole mentions that Rey defended the title last night on Heat, which wasn’t important enough to mention in advance. The referee ejects the other Italians to make sure this is one on one. Nunzio takes him down without much effort to start and gets two off a harder clothesline than I thought Nunzio could pull off.

Back up and Rey sends him outside for a corkscrew dive over the top. A baseball slide is caught though and Nunzio drops him ribs first onto the barricade. Nunzio cranks on the arms for a bit but Rey fights up without much effort. Rey goes a little too fast though and the West Coast Pop is countered into a powerbomb (which Cole calls a gutbuster and a spinebuster) for two. A pinfall reversal sequence gets two each but Nunzio puts him on top. The belly to back superplex is reversed and Rey Drops the Dime to retain.

Rating: B-. Short match but they were rolling with the time they had. Nunzio is a talented guy and someone who can wrestle a surprisingly good match against a host of opponents. Mysterio is of course excellent but the Cruiserweight Title isn’t doing him any good. The fact that there’s no competition other than an occasional match doesn’t help either, but that’s the flaw with the title in general.

Chris Benoit vs. A-Train

A-Train has Sable in his corner, wearing a very short dress. Benoit gets thrown around with ease to start so of course he charges right at A-Train with more chops. A-Train throws him onto his shoulder to drive Benoit ribs first into the buckle and a single kick puts Benoit on the floor. The announcers make sex jokes about Sable as A-Train gets two off a double underhook gutbuster.

Instead of following up though, A-Train pulled a buckle pad off. Some chops and a German suplex give Benoit a breather and there’s the Swan Dive for two. Benoit it sent back first into the exposed buckle so the Derailer can get two. That’s fine with Benoit, who Crossfaces A-Train for the tap, despite A-Train’s legs being underneath the ropes.

Rating: C. So their method for building A-Train up is by having him lose most of his big matches? Such is life in WWE and that gets a little tiring. I mean, I know it’s just A-Train but if you want him to be a monster, I’d like to see more than him beating Stephanie in a “match”. Of course WWE thinks that means the world but it’s not exactly reality.

During the break, A-Train yelled at Benoit for not being able to beat him. A fight is about to break out but it’s a ruse so Rhyno can Gore Benoit through a door. What did Benoit do to get stuck with these feuds?

Eddie’s tire has been stolen and he accuses various people, eventually decking Johnny the Bull for smiling a bit too much.

Here’s Brock Lesnar for a chat, but only after telling us to shut up and sit down because he has something to say. Since Summerslam, everywhere he goes, he’s been told he tapped out. That’s quite the list of places in four days. Brock accidentally starts the YOU TAPPED OUT chant and he’s sick of it. Summerslam was a fluke, a mirage and a miracle because he’s never tapped out in his life.

Brock is no quitter, unlike everyone here who quits looking for jobs after they don’t find one immediately (kind of an odd choice of an insult but no one ever accused Brock of being a good talker). He’s been told there’s no shame in tapping out to an Olympic champion. Brock: “I’M BROCK LESNAR AND I’M SPECIAL!” He’s demanding a title rematch and insults Angle’s ears for not coming out here immediately.

Angle pops up on screen and says Brock sounds like a baby who lost his rattle. He thinks the fans want to see action…..like when he beat Brock at Summerslam. Angle offers to come out here and make Brock tap again but here’s Undertaker instead. It’s time for Brock to go to the back of the line because Undertaker hasn’t had a title shot in a long time. Now Brock is standing in Undertaker’s yard but before anything can happen, here’s Big Show to interrupt. Does he come with the show like parsley with a steak?

Show talks about hurting more people than anyone ever has but here’s Angle to keep this segment going even longer. Angle talks about wanting to face any of these people, all of whom he would make tap. He wants someone to make a decision….so here’s Stephanie, who is in charge tonight because Vince is gone. Isn’t that always supposed to be the case? Anyway it’s a triple threat for the #1 contendership later tonight. This was WAY longer than it needed to be and really only served to prove that Lesnar is a really bad talker.

During the break, Cena (now in a fresh jersey with a matching hat) denies any involvement with stealing Eddie’s tire.

US Title: John Cena vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie is defending and Cena comes out carrying a tire. Cole: “If this isn’t evidence, I don’t know what is.” You should need a license to be that stupid. Of course Cena stole it but unlike Eddie, he got away with it. That would be another stupid line. Eddie runs out and starts fast, busting Cena open in a hurry with some shots to the head.

The slingshot hilo connects and Eddie pounds at the cut in the corner. The ProtoBomb gets Cena out of trouble and a hard clothesline makes things even worse for the champ. Eddie gets in a few kicks and sends Cena outside but takes a bit too long, allowing Cena to hit him in the leg. That just earns him a ram into the announcers’ table to draw a little more blood. Eddie brings his tire in but it’s just a ruse to get in a chair to Cena’s back. The fans eat this up with a cuchara but the frog splash misses.

Back from an abrupt break with Cena holding a double chickenwing. A delayed vertical suplex gets two and Cena bearhugs him down for two arm drops. Eddie is back up with a suplex of his own and the FU is countered into a hurricanrana. The referee gets bumped and OF COURSE the frog splash connects a few seconds later. That means a delayed two, followed by the Three Amigos but Cena hits him low for the DQ.

Rating: B. Cena wasn’t ready to hang with Eddie in a long match (to be fair, not many people were on their best day) but Eddie is more than capable of carrying him to a good match. The rematch could be better but for a first match, this was about as good as it was going to get. At least neither lost clean though.

Post match Cena hits him with the chain to bust Eddie open. An FU onto the tire and it’s big rim makes it even worse.

We look back at Brock destroying Zach Gowen last week, making me a much bigger Lesnar fan in the process.

Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show

The winner gets Angle next week. Angle comes out to join commentary and the match starts after a break. Better than having thirty seconds of action and then going into a break. Back with Undertaker getting double teamed, including Brock hitting some shoulders in the corner. Show throws Undertaker down with a suplex so Brock can steal a near fall. You can imagine how well this goes and it starts with Undertaker being sent out to the floor.

Brock suplexes Show for two with Undertaker making the quick save. Undertaker starts slugging away and hits a jumping clothesline on Show (Angle: “Undertaker would probably miss me on that one.”) but Brock takes him down. Show decks Lesnar but Undertaker reverses a chokeslam into a Fujiwara armbar.

That’s broken up as well (they’re certainly not deviating from a pattern here) and Undertaker is knocked outside with his hands getting caught in the ropes. Show chairs Undertaker down and growls a lot as we take a break. Back with Brock on the floor and some right hands rocking Show. A triangle choke puts Show in trouble so Brock makes another save. The chokeslam gets two with Show pulling the referee out and then chokeslamming Undertaker for two of his own.

An F5 lays out Undertaker and Show makes ANOTHER save. Show chokeslams Brock for two and the kickout sends him up top for what looks to be a super chokeslam. Undertaker saves the ring from being broken and everyone is down with Show crotched on top. Brock goes up for a superplex of his own but gets caught in the Last Ride, leaving Show to fall off the top as Undertaker pins Lesnar.

Rating: D+. The constant near falls weren’t really dramatic or anything as you knew it was going to be something big to get to the finish. It was entertaining enough though and that’s a lot more than you can say about a lot of these matches. That being said, was there ANY reason not to have Big Show take the pin here? I mean….it’s Big Show. Suddenly we’re protecting him?

Angle and Undertaker do the big staredown to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. It was nowhere near perfect but this was an entertaining show. Swap out the horrible Lesnar promo with pretty much anything else and this show is a lot better but what we got was fine. Make no mistake about it though: this was the Eddie Guerrero Show with the hometown crowd loving their hero like no one I’ve seen in a long time. Some of the stories have me interested and that’s a nice feeling, especially after the mess that was Raw.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Royal Rumble 2015
Date: January 25, 2015
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,164
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Pre-Show: Tyson Kidd/Cesaro vs. New Day

Back with Cesaro holding Kofi in a chinlock but Kingston comes back with a dropkick to Kidd. Big E. starts cleaning house with clotheslines and the fans are REALLY not pleased. Cesaro charges into a Rock Bottom (well close enough to one) out of the corner for two. Kidd is sent to the floor for a flip dive from Kofi, followed by Big E. spearing Cesaro through the ropes for a big crash.

New Age Outlaws vs. Ascension

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Damien Mizdow/Miz

The Usos are defending but Mizdow is the most over guy in the match. Speaking of things that have changed a lot in a year. The Usos took the titles from Miz/Mizdow to close out 2014 so this is the rematch. Jey and Miz get things going and the fans already want Mizdow. Something like a top rope Demolition Decapitator gets two on Miz as Cole recap Miz trying to get Naomi on their side with promises of Hollywood fame.

Anyway, Jimmy gets away and tags in Jey to take over with the running Umaga Attack in the corner but Miz grabs a DDT for two. Everything breaks down and both Usos hit a dive to take out both challengers, though Jey almost misses Miz, drawing a rather rude chant from the fans.

The pre-show panel chats a bit and we look at the pre-show match.

Wrestlemania ad. I had forgotten how much I hated that theme song.

Bella Twins vs. Paige/Natalya

Fandango says no one understands the power of the tango.

YES, Daniel Bryan thinks he can get back to the main event of Wrestlemania.

We recap the triple threat for the World Title. Rollins tried to cash in Money in the Bank on Lesnar at Night of Champions while Cena was challenging, triggering a feud between Rollins and Cena. Tonight they both get their shot in what should be awesome.

WWE World Title: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins vs. Brock Lesnar

Rating: A. Good grief what a battle. This was the night where Rollins became a star and people knew that he was going to be champion soon. Cena put in his normal amazing performance here as well, but good night Brock looked like a monster. This is the beast that WWE wanted to build up for someone to take down and it worked perfectly here. Just outstanding action here with all three looking like they had been through a war. This was the instant match of the year leader and it would take something special to knock it off.

Brock walks off as the medics are stunned.

Rumble By The Numbers video.

Royal Rumble

Ziggler superkicks the giants and takes them both down with the running DDT. Barrett is sent to the apron and superkicked out but Ziggler gets caught in the Cesaro Swing. Cesaro sends him to the apron but Dolph gets him to the apron for a superkick and an elimination, only to have Big Show and Kane put Ziggler out. That also gives Kane the all time record for Rumble eliminations.

Rock poses with Reigns and the fans STILL boo. The Authority comes out to glare a lot as Reigns celebrates and points at the sign to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

Tyson Kidd/Cesaro vs. New Day

Original: B

Redo: B-

Ascension vs. New Age Outlaws

Original: D+

Redo: D

Miz/Damien Mizdow vs. Usos

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Bella Twins vs. Paige/Natalya

Original: D-

Redo: D

Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins

Original: A

Redo: A

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: D

How in the world did I add that one up last year?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/01/25/royal-rumble-2015-more-teasing-than-a-15-year-old-on-prom-night/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 2013
Date: January 27, 2013
Location: US Airways Center, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 13,00
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

Pre-Show: US Title: The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio

Big Show blocks the armbreaker with one arm and slams Del Rio down, sending him outside. Del Rio gets back in as Big Show gets a chair but the champion dropkicks him in the ribs to knock it out of his hands. A series of chair shots (crowd: “SI! SI! SI!”) has Big Show down but Alberto dives into a chokeslam for an eight count. We head outside again with Del Rio getting chopped to the floor with ease. This is a very slow paced match so far.

Send Slim Jims to the military!

Cena is ready for the Rumble because it means he can be champion again.

We recap Miz vs. Cesaro on the pre-show.

Tag Titles: HELL NO vs. Rhodes Scholars

JBL rants about Cole and Lawler hugging as Kane kicks Sandow in the face, knocking him out to the floor. The FLYING GOAT takes out the challengers but Cody low bridges Bryan to the floor to take over. Back in and a half crab has Daniel in trouble but he reverses into a small package to escape. Damien comes in again and drops an elbow for two before dropping the Wind-Up Elbow.

We look at the Royal Rumble Fan Fest which is another name for Axxess. This included a tournament of NXT wrestlers for a spot in the Rumble, won by Bo Dallas.

Royal Rumble

Everybody goes after Tensai to make a big cluster in the corner. That goes nowhere at all so Brodus Clay comes in at #13. We get a Tons of Funk preview before Goldust backdrops Cody to the apron, only to get pulled to the apron as well. Cody gets back in and sends Goldust into the post for the elimination and a lot of booing. Rey Mysterio is #14 to make the crowd happy again. Ziggler and Jericho get quick 619s and the top rope splash crushes Jericho. Things slow down a bit until we reach the halfway point with Darren Young at #15.

Coming Home ad for Wrestlemania. That still should have been Wrestlemania XXX.

Raw World Title: The Rock vs. CM Punk

Punk of course has Heyman with him. He charges right into the brawl and actually pounds Rock down into the corner. A quick Rock Bottom is countered but Punk is sent outside. Rock follows him outside and sends the champion into the barricade before loading up the announce table. Punk comes back with a shot to the ribs and puts the table back together in a great bit. Back in and Rock scores with more right hands to knock Punk to the floor again.

More choking follows and a knee to the back has Rock on the apron, followed by a springboard dropkick to send him outside. Punk tries a top rope ax handle to take Rock down but injures his knee in the process. Rock scores with some kicks to the knee but the champion easily sends him out to the floor to stop the comeback. Back in and Punk misses the springboard clothesline and reinjures the knee, giving Rock his opening.

A DDT gets one on Punk but he fights out of the Rock Bottom. The GTS is countered into a Sharpshooter attempt but Punk counters into the Anaconda Vice in a nice sequence. Rock rolls over into a cradle, forcing Punk to let go of the hold. Back up and tries the Rock Bottom but Punk counters into a rollup for two, only to be countered into a low seated Sharpshooter. Punk is next to the rope so naturally he takes thirty seconds to get the break.

Rock celebrates for about three minutes to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

Antonio Cesaro vs. The Miz

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show

Original: B

Redo: C-

HELL NO vs. Rhodes Scholars

Original: C

Redo: C

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: B

The Rock vs. CM Punk

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: B

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/27/royal-rumble-2013-by-the-book-and-still-awesome/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal  Rumble 2012
Date: January 29, 2012
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 18,121
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

The opening video is of course about going to Wrestlemania.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry

Long video on Cena and all the stuff he does for WWE. The man is insanely committed to that company.

Divas of Doom/Bella Twins vs. Eve Torres/Alicia Fox/Tamina/Kelly Kelly

We recap Ryder getting hurt at the hands of Kane. This was during the period where Ryder went from one of the hottest things in the company and US Champion to a rag doll that Kane destroyed over and over and over in the span of a few weeks until his push was completely destroyed. Eve blamed Cena for Ryder having his back broken for some reason.

Kane vs. John Cena

BE A STAR!

Drew McIntyre vs. Brodus Clay

This is right after Brodus redebuted as the Funkasaurus so he was still a new character at this point. Brodus dances a lot, Drew punches him in the corner, Brodus headbutts him and hits the cross body (called WHAT THE FUNK) for the pin in about a minute.

Buy Slim Jims! For the troops!

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler

Punk finally gets his hands on Ziggler and puts on an abdominal stretch, complete with a wrapped toe and slicking back his hair ala Ziggler. Dolph heads to the floor and gets taken out by a suicide dive but shoves Punk off the top rope once they get back inside. Ziggler drops about eight elbows in a row and a jumping version gets two. We hit the chinlock with Ziggler cranking on the head way more than necessary.

Rating: B+. This took awhile to get going as we were all waiting on the Ace stuff. The feud would go on for weeks until Jericho finally showed up to give Punk someone with charisma to feud with. The near falls at the end were a lot better than Ace, but it occurs to me that this was pretty much the same match he had last year. Good stuff though.

Rumble by the Numbers:

30 Superstars

1 winner

31 Hall of Famers in the Rumble

21 main events those Hall of Famers have been in at Wrestlemania

695 entrants who have been eliminated

39 entrants eliminated by Michaels, a record (Kane is second at 35)

13 consecutive Rumbles for Kane

11 eliminations for Kane in 2001

194,107lbs that have been in the Rumble, or over 97 tons, or 430 Big Show

421,883 people who have attended the Rumble

62:12 Rey Mysterio spent in the Rumble in 2006, a record

3 wins for Austin

1 second that Santino lasted in 2009

2 women who have competed in the Rumble

1, the entrant that has produced the same amount of winners as #30 at two each

27, the entrant with more winners than any other at four

55 percent of winners that have won the title at Wrestlemania

Royal Rumble

Ricardo takes Cody down and pounds away before proposing an alliance with Foley of all people. They actually do team up and toss Gabriel, allowing Ricardo to do a CM Punk knee slide. We keep the comedy going with Santino at #9 and Ricardo runs from the Cobra. Santino beats on Ricardo and literally rolls him around the ring before pulling his trunks up and tossing Rodriguez.

Kofi Kingston is #11 and hits a double springboard clothesline before hitting a double Boom Drop. In at #12 is Jerry Lawler (Cole: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING???”) and he causes Miz to hit Cody by mistake. Lawler speeds things up and hits the middle rope punch with the lowered strap, only to be put out by Cody. Ezekiel Jackson is #13 and gets to do the usual power moves on each guy while the others lay around.

Jinder Mahal is #14 and the fans start chanting USA, even though the only two Americans in this match are Rhodes and Miz. Great Khali comes in at #15 and Mahal panics. Everyone gets chops and Mahal is out in just a few seconds. Jackson tries to pound away and is put out almost immediately as well. Hunico is #16 on that stupid bicycle of his and hits a spinning cross body on Miz and his Angle Slam on Cody.

Sheamus is #22 to give us some A level star power. Well maybe B+ level. Things speed up with Sheamus destroying everyone and tossing Kofi out. There are the ten forearms in the ropes to Cody and ten to Miz as well. The Zig Zag is countered and Road Dogg is another surprise return at #23. He gets to clean house for a bit and earns a “you still got it” chant. In far less than 90 seconds, Jey Uso is #24.

Rating: A-. This is one of those Rumbles that is great fun as you watch it live but it loses some steam on a second viewing. They spent a bit too much time on nostalgia and funny ideas here but they were still really good ideas. The ending with Sheamus and Jericho ROCKED and I have no idea why they never got to have a long PPV match. This is a really good Rumble but it never reaches that excellent level that some of them get to.

Sheamus celebrates a lot to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry vs. Big Show

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Bella Twins/Divas of Doom vs. Alicia Fox/Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Tamina

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Kane vs. John Cena

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Brodus Clay vs. Drew McIntyre

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: B

Redo: B+

Royal Rumble

Original: B+

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B

Just like last year, not much difference here.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/01/29/royal-rumble-2012/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: August 21, 2003
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Opening sequence.

This brings out Vince to say that he can’t give Kurt what he wants tonight. See, tonight is about what Vince wants so Angle won’t be having a fight. If Angle lays a hand on either Vince or Brock tonight, he’s suspended and no longer champion. Instead, Angle can have a match with Big Show. This brings out Show and Angle is willing to fight him now, meaning the brawl is on in the aisle. Kurt easily kicks him low and gets in a belt shot until referees pull him off. This was a bit shorter than some recent opening segments and while it set up a match that we’ve covered enough, Angle showed some great fire.

Post match Show freaks out in the back and Vince tells him that the main event is now a falls count anywhere street fight.

Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy

Non-title because….you know the reasons by now. Therefore, Matt, who has never lost his cell phone and has hipper pants than Rey, can’t win the title. Hardy wastes no time in taking him down for some early two counts, only to have Rey come back with a springboard headscissors. Billy Kidman has to intercept a cheating Shannon Moore but the distraction lets Matt get in a thumb to the eye. That doesn’t stop Rey from hitting a corkscrew dive to the floor but a springboard is broken up with a hard forearm. Shannon misses a chair shot but Kidman is accused instead, earning him an ejection.

Back from a break with Rey being posted and an elbow drop getting two. A Side Effect plants Rey for two but he comes right back with a spinning DDT to put both guys down. The springboard seated senton gets two but Matt grabs a reverse Side Effect (that’s not a bad finisher) for two of his own. Rey’s moonsault press gives him two of his own but a Shannon distraction saves Matt from the 619. Cue Zach Gowen to cane Matt in the back, setting up the 619. West Coast Pop gives Rey the pin.

Rating: B. As usual, these two were working out there and if you give Rey an opponent who can keep up with him, you’re going to get a solid performance. I like the idea of Rey fighting off both guys and winning in the end, but setting up Matt vs. Gowen on Sunday when the Cruiserweight Champion, the Intercontinental Champion and the Smackdown Tag Team Champions don’t make the pay per view seems like missing the point.

Brock comes in to see Vince and says if Angle has a match, he wants one too. Vince gives him Gowen, making Brock laugh. He promises to break Gowen’s leg tonight. As in his good leg. Well it wouldn’t mean much otherwise.

We actually look back at A-Train brawling with Undertaker and pinning Stephanie in a match. Oh but that’s not good enough so we also see the BUILD to the match, including A-Train talking to Stephanie in the back. Do they really think that fans sympathize or identify with Stephanie? Who would actually write that story other than Stephanie herself?

Zack Gowen’s mother is here (Gowen is the hometown boy tonight) and is so proud of him but is also worried about seeing him get hurt.

Billy Gunn/Jamie Noble vs. Basham Brothers

Tazz: “Jamie’s Got a Gunn!” I’ve heard worse. The brawl starts on the floor with the announcers putting Shaniqua over as a monster, making me worried that she’s supposed to be the star of the whole thing. Billy gives Danny a tilt-a-whirl powerslam to start as the announcers talk about Lesnar wanting to break Gowen’s leg. Why is this so shocking? It kind of fits what he would normally do no?

The Bashams beat Billy down in the corner as Cole laments Stephanie not being here tonight. See, she can show up and fix everything of course. Billy gets stomped down for two more and some crossface shots to the face make it even worse. A charge in the corner misses though and Gunn Diamond Cuts his way into the hot tag to Noble.

Jamie comes in and starts cleaning house, including a swinging neckbreaker for two on Doug. A good looking top rope elbow gets the same as everything breaks down. Shaniqua pulls Jamie out of the ring and clotheslines Nidia and Torrie down with ease. The Fameasser plants Doug but the twins switch, including a riding crop shot to Gunn. Doug small packages Jamie for the pin.

Rating: D+. The Bashams get a much needed win but this story hasn’t exactly done anyone any favors. Billy is bringing Jamie down and it’s not exactly helping Noble to have him as a good guy when he’s a naturally good heel. The Bashams are playing second fiddle to their manager, who isn’t interesting in the first place. But at least we got that “funny” hotel segment between the good guys.

Lesnar threatens to break Gowen’s leg again.

We look at Brock destroying Spanky last week. Cool. Now do the same to Gowen.

Brock Lesnar vs. Zack Gowen

Gowen’s entrance focuses on his mom so you know this one is going to hurt. Before the bell, Brock goes outside and gets in the mom’s face but she won’t even shake his hand. The distraction lets Gowen hit a dive which I don’t believe would drop Lesnar for a second. Brock throws him down but gets hit with the prosthetic leg, only to drive Gowen into the post. Back in and we get the opening bell as the slaughter is in full swing. The mom continues to look completely emotionless, even as Brock hits the double powerbomb. A chair to the head gives Gowen the DQ win in short order. Good. Now keep him off TV.

Gowen is busted open (and it is a GUSHER, which is probably the reason for the TV-MA) so Brock F5’s the leg into the post. Another chair shot and another F5 into the post seems to destroy Gowen’s leg. Cole is LIVID over the idea that Lesnar would do this as Gowen goes out on a stretcher. Brock shoves the stretcher over and the VERY bloody Gowen crashes down while his mother….looks exactly the same as she did earlier.

Back from a break and we see the attack again. Cole: “Tragedy has struck Smackdown.” Oh good grief. Cole says he’s breaking tradition and taking sides here to rant against Lesnar. Tazz even takes off the sunglasses to talk about how he didn’t know Brock like he thought he did. This is as forced as trying to make me believe that Gowen could compete against WWE wrestlers.

Undertaker/Orlando Jordan vs. John Cena/A-Train

Pre-match, Cena rants about hating Detroit. If they think he sucks, Cena knows they swallow. Cole says that Vince has taken over with Stephanie gone. You know, because Stephanie was above Vince when she was around. Undertaker takes Cena down to start and hammers on the ribs but stops to glare at A-Train.

Back up and Cena low bridges Undertaker out to the floor for some shots to the back, only to get his throat snapped over the ropes. Old School gets two as Cole talks about the devastating work Undertaker did to Cena’s shoulder a few weeks back. It’s so devastating that Cena has been hiding the effects ever since.

Jordan and A-Train come in with A-Train easily suckering Jordan in and giving him an early beating. Orlando gets in a DDT and is already crawling over to the corner despite taking all of thirty seconds of offense. Undertaker comes in to do the work, including Snake Eyes into the big boot on Cena.

The alternating corner clotheslines have the villains in trouble and Undertaker grabs a dragon sleeper on Cena. Jordan cuts off A-Train and gets the Derailer for his efforts (my goodness this guy is worthless). Undertaker chokeslams A-Train but gets caught in a spinebuster from Cena. The Last Ride is broken up by a chain shot to the ribs, giving Cena the pin.

Rating: D. The only thing I got out of this is a good laugh at how pathetic Jordan was. Really, he gets beaten down for thirty seconds and can’t even get to his feet? This is supposed to be the guy Undertaker is mentoring? Cena pinning Undertaker was the right ending, even if Cena is another name on the long list of people not making the pay per view. Again: Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff and La Resistance are part of an eight match card where ten people are in two matches. If you can’t fit three different titles and an up and comer like Cena on there, learn to plan better.

Post break Sable hits on A-Train and wants to thank him on behalf of Vince for taking care of Stephanie. She gives him a hotel room key.

Eddie Guerrero/Rhyno vs. Chris Benoit/Tajiri

Rhyno gets a ride in the low rider. Tazz: “CALL THE ZOO!” Eddie has the REALLY strong hydraulics this week as he gets half of the car about three and a half feet off the ground and holds it there to show off. Eddie and Benoit start things off with Guerrero actually winning a chop off and sending Benoit into the corner. Benoit is back with a backdrop but Eddie hides behind the referee and gets in a shot to the knee.

It’s off to Rhyno for a backbreaker but Eddie has to break up a very fast Crossface. Eddie comes back in with a seated abdominal stretch, followed by the rolling suplexes. He takes a bit too long going up though and it’s a superplex back down, allowing the double tag to Rhyno and Tajiri. Rhyno gets caught in the Tarantula, leaving Benoit to hit the Swan Dive on Eddie. Tajiri decks Benoit by mistake though and the Gore is good for the pin.

Rating: C+. The four way is the only match I’m looking forward to outside of Lesnar vs. Angle and a good tag match helped the building process. Rhyno getting the pin gives him a little momentum and helps shake the feeling that only Benoit and Eddie are likely to leave as champion. This was an example of letting the wrestlers wrestle and that’s always going to work.

Post match Benoit puts Rhyno in the Crossface but Eddie breaks it up with a belt shot. Just to show it’s not personal, Eddie belts both Rhyno and Tajiri as a bonus.

Kurt Angle vs. Big Show

Non-title and hardcore. Angle waits at the entrance and hammers on Show as soon as he comes through the curtain. Show gets the better of the fight and knocks Angle down at ringside. It’s already table time but Show slides it in instead of setting it up. A slam onto the unset table keeps Angle down and a legdrop is good for two. There’s a big toss across the ring and one of those scary loud chops to Angle’s chest.

Show puts the table in front of Angle in the corner yet seems surprised when Angle shoves it into his charging head. The Angle Slam gets a delayed two but Show kicks him out to the floor again. The table is set but Kurt gets in a chair shot. That has very little effect though as Show punches the chair back into his face and Angle is down again.

A powerbomb through the table is countered with a chair to the head for two more, followed by a running chair shot to put Show outside. Show drops him over the barricade and loads up the steps but Angle grabs him low for a breather. The ankle lock over the steps is broken up so Angle knocks him over the table. An Arabian facebuster of all things gets two on Show but the Angle Slam through the table is enough to put Show away.

Rating: B. Actually a fun brawl here as they were doing some different spots instead of all the usual stuff you would see here. Angle getting a win helps, even though Big Show got in a lot of offense. Of course that doesn’t mean much as Big Show is another name not on Summerslam but why let that get in the way of a good match?

Lesnar comes out for the staredown to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a harder one to rate as the wrestling was good for the most part (the bad matches were mostly short) but it didn’t do a great job of making me want to see the pay per view. Undertaker vs. A-Train is going to be about Stephanie vs. Sable/Vince and I’m not exactly thrilled by the two good looking Smackdown matches. Maybe I’ll be surprised but with Raw looking dreadful, the possibilities aren’t strong.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2005
Date: January 30, 2005
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

The opening video is designed like a clock counting down in the Rumble. Cool idea there.

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

The Canadian is sent back to the floor but he catches Shawn in an Edge-O-Matic to take over again. A baseball slide keeps Shawn down and we head back inside. The fans are firmly behind Shawn here, which means the heel turn is working for Edge. Shawn tries a standing rana but gets caught in a powerbomb for two instead. Off to a rear naked choke from Edge which stays on for a good while.

Anyway Shawn pounds away in the corner and grabs a rollup for two, prompting Edge to try to walk out. The imbecile of a referee holds Shawn back, allowing Edge to sneak up from behind and spear Shawn to the floor. Shawn finally crawls back in and Edge dances a bit. Edge tunes up the band and spears Shawn down for two more, sending Edge into a fit. He pulls his own hair out and does those awesome facials that only Edge can do.

With nothing else to try, Edge puts Shawn on top for a superplex, only to get knocked down for the flying elbow from Shawn. Sweet Chin Music is countered into an electric chair drop for two more and Edge is very frustrated. Edge rolls through a sunset flip into the Edgeucator (imagine a Sharpshooter but with Edge behind Shawn like an ankle lock) but Shawn makes the rope. After a small package gets two for Shawn, Edge reverses a rollup into one of his own and grabs the ropes for the cheap pin.

Heidenreich is panicking about caskets when Snitsky comes up. Heavy breathing ensues and Snitsky says he has an idea.

The casket is brought out.

Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Big Show vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Rating: C+. This is one of those matches I was expecting to suck but it wound up being pretty solid. Angle is going to be good no matter what he does and Show had some solid motivation out there for a change. JBL escaping with the title was a recurring theme for nearly a year until he ran into a buzzsaw called John Cena in a few months. Shockingly good match here.

Batista goes to draw his number and hears Bischoff bar Evolution from ringside for the next match. Big Dave seems very happy to tell HHH.

Long video recapping HHH vs. Orton. They hate each other, Orton was never supposed to get another shot, so tonight he gets another shot.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

The Game goes after the taped up knee and wraps it around the post because he can. HHH modifies the cannonball down onto the leg by dropping an elbow instead of sitting on it. After a quick attempt at a small package by Orton, HHH puts on a LONG Figure Four, lasting way longer than almost any other I can remember. Orton finally turns it over, sending HHH retreating to the floor.

Orton counters a Pedigree attempt into a catapult but HHH counters the RKO for at least the third time before hitting the high knee for two. Randy is bleeding from the lip. The Pedigree is escaped again and Orton gets two off a clothesline. The champ rolls to the floor again and gets sent into the steps for trying to hide. Back in and Orton pounds away in the corner, only to miss a DDT attempt and possibly give himself a concussion.

Teddy tells JBL and company that Jibbles has to defend the title against Big Show in a barbed wire steel cage match at No Way Out.

Royal Rumble

Benoit and Eddie fire off chops in the corner followed by a double suplex because they can. Eddie hits Three Amigos and Hardcore Holly is #4. Holly asks if he can have some fun with Puder and rips some skin off with chops in the corner. Benoit and Eddie get in some chops of their own before Holly kicks Puder low, hits the Alabama Slam, and throws him out. Hurricane is #5 as Guerrero and Benoit dump Holly.

Hurricane gets double teamed but Eddie tries a double cross, only to get chopped for his efforts. Hurricane hits a Blockbuster on Eddie but Benoit chops him down and whips him into Eddie for the elimination. Kenzo Suzuki (one of the most forgettable footnotes in wrestling history) is #6. Just like everyone else, Benoit and Eddie pound on him in the corner with chops and suplexes, but Benoit turns on Eddie ala earlier but only throws him to the apron.

Shawn is #19 and superkicks Simon out, doing some Hindu Squats to celebrate. Edge tries to corner Mysterio in a corner. JR: “Makes a lot of sense.” Shawn backdrops Charlie out and Kurt Angle is #20. He hits Angle Slams on everything in sight but tries the ankle lock on Shawn. Michaels rolls through and superkicks Angle out after less than 40 seconds. Coach is #21 and you can hear JR groan. He gets in a single shot on Benoit and runs to hide.

Ratings Comparison

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B

Redo: B-

The Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Original: D-

Redo: D

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Big Show vs. Kurt Angle

Original: B

Redo: C+

HHH vs. Randy Orton

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Royal Rumble

Original: B-

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B

Like I said, I liked the Rumble a lot more this time around.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/24/royal-rumble-count-up-2005-the-rise-of-the-new-generation/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

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http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6