Smackdown
Date: January 1, 2004
Location: Laredo Entertainment Center, Laredo, Texas
Attendance: 5,100
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This year has to be better right? Smackdown was the better of the two shows but it’s not like 2003 was very good either way. We’ve got three shows left before the Royal Rumble and aside from Hardcore Holly vs. Brock Lesnar for the Smackdown World Title, there’s very little set up. Let’s get to it.

Here are the results from two weeks ago if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of two weeks ago where Holly became # 1 contender thanks to A-Train screwing up again. That certainly seems to be a trend with him.

Opening sequence.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is challenging. They grapple to start with neither being able to get anywhere and it’s a standoff. Tajiri takes him down by the leg but gets reversed into a rollup for two. A chest first whip into the corner takes Rey down but the handspring elbow is countered with a dropkick to the back.

That means a big flip dive to really put Tajiri down as we go to a break. Not a bad way to get us going in the new year. Back with Sakoda breaking up the 619 so Tajiri can start back in on the knee. A dropkick to the knee in the Tree of Woe gets two but the bad knee is fine enough for a middle rope hurricanrana to get Rey out of trouble. The springboard seated senton is countered into a half crab though and Mysterio is right back in trouble again.

Rey makes the rope and, since the match has been going on for a while now, it’s time for a ref bump. He’s back up in time for a two off Tajiri’s sitout powerbomb and we keep going. Another springboard bangs the knee up though (you knew that had to happen eventually) and Tajiri kicks him in the face. The green mist hits Sakoda by mistake though and a standing hurricanrana gives Rey the pin and the title.

Rating: B. Tajiri had held the title for a nice, long (by this title’s standards) reign and putting it back on Mysterio made sense. Changing the title to open the year was a good idea and the fact that it was a longer match made things that much better. Rey can drop it to a hot heel down the line and he’s still the biggest name in the division by a mile and a half.

Post match Rey thanks the fans and says he’ll be champion around the world. Cue Big Show to say that’s nice but it’s time to shill the new Big Show t-shirt. Rey takes it away and threatens to make it a souvenir for a fan despite Big Show telling him not to. He does it anyway of course and gets beaten down, because this is what you do with a new champion. Hardcore Holly comes in for the save.

Some soldiers say Happy New Year.

Post break Big Show breaks a bunch of stuff so Paul Heyman gives him Holly later tonight.

Bradshaw vs. Rhyno

The rubber match. Bradshaw knees him in the corner and gets two off a shoulder. A DDT gives Rhyno the same but Bradshaw hits the Last Call followed by a big boot. The Clothesline puts Rhyno away in short order. And that’s the feud.

Earlier today, Los Guerreros were at a low rider parade.

The announcers talk about Tribute to the Troops.

Video on Tribute to the Troops.

John Cena comes up to Heyman in the back and asks where Heyman was last week in Baghdad. Heyman wasn’t there and Cena thinks he’s a coward. That’s too far for Heyman, who says he’s a leader of men. Therefore, let’s see what kind of an idea Heyman can come up with regarding say, the Royal Rumble. Cena isn’t currently included (no one is) but if he wins tonight, he can be included. All he has to do is find a partner to face all three members of the FBI. Oh and if Cena and his partner lose, neither are in the Rumble. That match is next by the way, so HAPPY NEW YEAR.

John Cena/Chris Benoit vs. FBI

And Cena/Benoit are supposed to be underdogs here? Cena’s pre-match rap says the FBI is stupid while Benoit actually rhymes an acceptance (Benoit: “I’m sick and tired of Heyman’s crap, I’ll be your partner tonight and make these b****** tap. Word life.”). The numbers game has the good guys in trouble to start but Cena easily takes over on Stamboli, mainly because it’s John Cena vs. Johnny Stamboli. The FBI gets Cena into the corner for the rotating stomps and Palumbo adds a good suplex.

The vocal Benoit starts a Cena chant, which is cut off by a big right hand from Palumbo. We hit the chinlock from Stamboli for a bit until Cena finally dives over and brings Benoit in for a long series of suplexes. A double clothesline takes Benoit down for two, with Stamboli looking over for Cena to make the save twice in a row. Palumbo’s superkick to Benoit breaks up the Sharpshooter and gets another near fall but the Crossface makes Stamboli tap a few seconds later.

Rating: C. Not bad at all here as it turned into a hot finish but who in the world thought Cena and Benoit couldn’t beat these schmucks? Benoit and Cena are going to be big players in the Rumble and since WWE has taken their sweet time getting here, they can only build up a story in very short order.

Clips of troops in a very long line for autographs in Baghdad.

Here’s the returning Kurt Angle for a chat. Angle has been away on a break but last week, those troops inspired him to come back to the ring. He was over there a few weeks ago and got to meet a lot of the soldiers as well. It made him proud to be an American and he met one soldier in particular. This guy had been over there for a year and when he left, his wife was eight months pregnant. All he wanted was to get back to see his new baby girl. Angle has a daughter of his own and he wants to make her proud of him too. Therefore, he’s entering the Royal Rumble and he’s winning for the troops.

Big Show vs. Hardcore Holly

Non-title as we’re still waiting on Big Show to defend the thing two and a half months after he won it. Holly punches away to start but Show clotheslines him down with authority. I’m not sure whose authority but it certainly worked. A big headbutt puts Holly down and the Hog Log gets two. Show drives an elbow into the neck so Holly goes after the knee to take him down.

A top rope clothesline gets two but Holly walks into a side slam to put him down again. It’s almost like Holly doesn’t have anywhere near the level of offense to be a realistic threat against Big Show. It’s back to the neck with a full nelson, drawing in Mysterio with a chair. Show knocks him down too so Holly goes low for the DQ.

Rating: F. So what was the point here? To make the #1 contender look like he can’t beat the US Champion? To make the US Champion look like a big monster, which you can kind of tell just by looking at him? The ending makes things that much worse as not only does Holly lose but it’s just a cheap way to make him look even more worthless than he has since he came back.

Holly beats him down with the chair.

Billy Gunn is back at the Rumble. I know the brand split made the rosters thin but between this and Hardcore Holly as a World Title challenger, they’re in real trouble on Thursdays.

Benoit comes in to see Heyman, who calls Benoit a working stiff like him. Heyman is management though and that’s what’s going to stop him at the Rumble. His solution: Benoit is going to be #1 (with Heyman almost screaming as he rants about how Benoit is done at the Rumble). Benoit grabs Heyman’s finger and bends it back before going into his own rant about how he’s fighting for his family and everything he has sacrificed to get here. This show has seen Benoit do more intense/emotional talking than I’ve seen him do in years.

Various low level guys congratulate Mysterio on winning the title until Eddie comes in to celebrate in Spanish. Chavo looks on in disgust as Eddie enters the Royal Rumble. He takes Eddie aside to talk about how they need to win the Tag Team Titles. Chavo isn’t exactly thrilled with Eddie at the moment and you can feel the tension.

Ad saying watch Smackdown. Glad to see I did my job already.

Los Guerreros vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

The Eddie chants get on Chavo’s nerves again as Eddie takes Haas into the corner to start. It’s off to Chavo, who is taken into the wrong corner and caught with an overhead t-bone suplex. Chavo stops a charge in the corner with a raised boot but won’t tag, instead walking into a powerslam. Haas gets knocked down again and Chavo is right next to Eddie but goes back into the fight again. A double knockdown puts both Chavo and Haas down so Eddie distracts the referee, allowing him to pull Chavo to the corner.

This time Eddie cuts out the middle man and tags himself in so the pace can pick up. Three Amigos have Haas down but Chavo tags himself in to really further the issues. The distraction lets Eddie get knocked to the floor and Chavo’s frog splash hits knees. Shelton superkicks the heck out of Chavo and Haas gets the pin.

Rating: D+. This was much more of an angle than a match and that’s fine. They’ve been teasing this split for so long now that they almost have to do it here before the thing gets stale. Chavo’s reasoning for the heel turn makes sense but he’s coming off like a jerk, which is exactly the kind of thing that should lead to such a split. The match was bad, but that’s not the point of something like this.

Post Chavo blames Eddie for the loss because he’s sick of not hearing his name cheered. Eddie immediately tries to start a CHAVO chant but just gets cheered even louder. Chavo is sick of Eddie and slaps him in the face. Eddie looks ready to snap but here’s Angle to break things up.

Post break, Angle tells Eddie he’s doing this for the troops but Eddie is being selfish for doing this to his flesh and blood. Angle talks about this being traditional family values (Eddie: “FAMILY VALUES???”) and wants Eddie to look in the mirror.

The announcers talk about what just happened….and that’s how the show ends.

Overall Rating: C-. This show went off a cliff after the halfway point and that ending was really weird. I’ll give them some points for hitting the ground running with the Rumble build though as they went from no one to four big names being in the match in one night. That’s what they had to do and it worked well. What didn’t work well was most of the wrestling here, which took a hard backseat to the angle advancement. That’s more important, but it was a rocky way to get there.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

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Smackdown
Date: December 25, 2003
Location: Camp Victory, Baghdad, Iraq
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This is a very special show as it’s Christmas in Iraq for the first of a series later called Tribute to the Troops. Back in the day they actually went overseas for the shows, giving this a very special feeling indeed. The focus isn’t going to be on the wrestling tonight but rather the atmosphere as a whole, which is how things should be going for something like this. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with the National Anthem, though not by Lilian Garcia for a change.

Here’s Vince McMahon to get things going and he’s staying in character with the scowl. That’s gone pretty quickly though as on behalf of freedom loving people around the world, WWE is hear to say thank you. Vince thanks everyone for their sacrifices and for protecting our great nation. Oh and thanks for catching Saddam. Vince wants to say one more thing….but here’s a rather rotund Santa Claus with bags of presents.

The presents aren’t for Vince though, because they’re for the troops. Santa starts handing out shirts from the bags but Vince wants him to come back in for one more thing. Vince wants his present and thinks it’s somewhere in Santa’s stomach. And why didn’t Santa come visit him when he was a kid? Vince shoves Santa over and the hat comes off….to reveal a bald head. There’s the Stunner and let’s drink some beer.

Austin isn’t done though and, while still wearing the furry Santa boots, says he’s going to go backstage and drink some more beer instead of hurting us by trying to sing Christmas carols. He thanks the troops and talks about how much WWE supports them before having the troops throw up the middle fingers to Saddam. Perfect way to open things up with one of the few timeless segments that will never stop working.

We see some of the wrestlers being told what to do if terrorists attack. That’s a rather sobering discussion.

Clip of the ring and arena being set up. The troops who helped got to sit in the front row.

World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. APA

Bradshaw is in a helmet and flack jacket. Shelton takes Faarooq into the corner to start but gets taken down by a middle rope shoulder. Bradshaw comes in to forearm Haas in the back for two but has to let go of an early torture rack as Shelton tries to make a save. The Dominator doesn’t work on Haas and Shelton gets in a cheap shot to take over. Faarooq shoves Haas away and brings in Bradshaw to clean house. Everything breaks down and Shelton superkicks Bradshaw down. Not that it matters as Faarooq tosses Shelton to the floor, leaving Bradshaw to Clothesline Haas for the pin.

Rating: C. I’m going to be a lot nicer to the wrestling here as that’s not the point to a show like this one. This match was about letting the APA, a popular team, come in and get a quick win and to have Bradshaw, who was one of the big names behind the whole idea, out there as he should be. If nothing else, Bradshaw hitting a Clothesline that hard is going to get a reaction.

Austin gives Chris Benoit a pep talk before his match with Eddie Guerrero. That’s kind of an odd segment as it’s not like they’re great friends or anything.

Some troops say hi to their families.

Rikishi vs. Rhyno

Rhyno gets shoved away to start as the announcers talk about this being in the middle of an active war zone. Some kicks to the, ahem, thong arena, have Rikishi in some trouble but he stops a charge with a superkick. The announcers actually act like they’re there (commentary is being recorded in Connecticut), even talking about their clothes in the desert for a little flavor. The Rump Shaker hits raised knees but the Gore misses. Rikishi grabs a Samoan drop for the fast pin.

Post match, Rhyno takes a Stinkface and dancing ensues with some (armed) troops coming into the ring.

Video of wrestlers meeting troops.

Some wrestlers went up on a helicopter to another camp to meet more troops.

Here’s John Cena for a chat. He wants to give Torrie Wilson a pearl necklace for Christmas but tonight he has to deal with Big Show. Sure he’s wrestling a giant but the real big show is in his crotch. Show is picking the wrong day to fight when Cena has all of the troops behind him and Saddam should be buried in a hole.

Now Austin gives Eddie Guerrero a pep talk. Apparently Benoit promised to lie, steal and cheat tonight. Eddie: “THAT’S MY STUFF!”

More troops say hello.

Wrestlers signed autographs and met troops at the other camp. Cena even had some battle raps.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Feeling out process to start as Cole and Tazz go over the history between these two. Eddie starts in on the arm and gets two off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Benoit comes back with some forearms and Eddie grabs the referee’s waist for security. Hang on as a security helicopter flies over the ring so Eddie puts on a flack jacket. As you might expect, Eddie throws the jacket at Benoit and takes over with a dropkick.

They fall out to the floor and we take a break. Back with Benoit cranking on both arms as the fans chant for Eddie. That seems to do him some good as he sends Benoit into the corner to take over again but falls off the ropes on a sunset bomb attempt. The Three Amigos are countered into the Crossface but Eddie rolls over to the ropes.

Some rolling German suplex soften Eddie up a bit more and a shoulder breaker has the arm banged up even more. Benoit barely misses the Swan Dive but avoids the frog splash for another double knockdown. Back up and Eddie gets in a rollup with feet on the ropes for the fast pin.

Rating: B-. That’s all you can ask for her with the two guys who know each other well enough to have a good match in their sleep. There were a few botches here but wrestling in that kind of heat in this kind of atmosphere isn’t the easiest thing in the world. The fans were more into Eddie anyway and it’s not like a win or a loss on this show means much.

Post match Eddie puts the jacket and helmet back on for a handshake.

We look at the opening segment again.

More soldiers say hello.

Another video on wrestlers meeting troops.

More soldiers say hello.

Wrestlers shoot guns with Big Show being the best shot.

It’s time for a Santa’s Little Helper’s contest between Torrie Wilson, Dawn Marie and Sable as Cole tries to figure out the rules. Thankfully Tazz points out the obvious that the rules really aren’t likely to mean much here. Cole: “I’d like to be the Crocodile Hunter and Dawn Marie be the crocodile.” I…really don’t know what that means and I think I’ll keep it that way. It’s a dance contest, they all look great, and Torrie wins. A brawl breaks out, which is rather difficult as Torrie is in lingerie. Sable gets stripped and the villains bail. This was exactly what you would expect.

Wrestlers visited wounded troops.

One more video of the wrestlers with the troops.

One more video of troops saying hello to their families.

John Cena vs. Big Show

Say it with me: non-title. Cena gets chokeslammed about five seconds in and rolls to the floor for a breather. Back in and Show hits the overhand chop in the corner, followed by a hard headbutt to put Cena down. It’s off to the abdominal stretch for a few seconds but the ref gets kicked down. Show grabs the chain but gets kicked low, allowing Cena to hit him with the chain for two. Another chokeslam is countered into the FU to give Cena the pin.

Rating: C. I remember watching this match with my dad, who is one of those people who tends to not think much of wrestling because it’s fake. When Cena tossed Show onto his shoulders and flipped him over like it was nothing, my dad’s jaw dropped for a second. There’s nothing to the match of course and it’s not like Show losing means anything to his title reign, which is as unnecessary as any I can ever remember.

Post match Austin comes out to Stun both guys. Austin calls out the ladies and the locker room for one last celebration. One more Stunner to Big Show and beer consumption ends the show.

Overall Rating: B. As mentioned, the wrestling really isn’t the point to something like this. The wrestling is secondary to entertaining the troops and that’s what happened. It did exactly what it was designed to do and felt important, unlike what this show would eventually become. This had nothing to do with storylines and nothing was advanced, which didn’t need to be the case. It was a fun show and having Austin as a big star was the right call. Just let it be fun and come back home for the real stuff later on. And be glad La Resistance didn’t get squashed.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: November 20, 2003
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past Survivor Series and that means a few months of calm as Smackdown doesn’t have a pay per view until January and it’s own show isn’t until February. There are several ways to go with the World Title hunt at the moment but Chris Benoit, who made Brock Lesnar tap out on Sunday, should be the likely next challenger. Let’s get to it.

Here’s a very banged up Vince McMahon, accompanied by Sable, to get things going. Vince can barely breathe once he gets in and says he almost died. He was pummeled and bleeding from various places to the point that he had to have a transfusion. Undertaker “practically pummeled his privates” and Sable had to relieve the pain with a massage. Then Undertaker shattered his ankle and hit him in the head with a shovel.

After all that they went to the grave but Vince never lost faith. The higher power sent an avenging angel in the form of Kane and Vince was saved. Kane will be here tonight for Undertaker’s eulogy and Vince has never felt more powerful. He feels invincible and untouchable….and here’s John Cena.

Vince is confused and Cena accuses him of stealing his catchphrases. Maybe Vince just has nothing to touch. We could ask Sable, who is just here for the money. When Vince is gone, she comes to tickle Cena’s funny bone. Vince is standing in his ring so Cena offers to stretch him. Oh and Sable is good for one thing: she taught Vince how to suck. Funny stuff, and it’s nice to see Cena getting a rub like this.

Brock Lesnar yells at his Survivor Series team, blaming them for the loss. They’re the reasons he tapped out to Chris Benoit and THEY MADE THE FANS CHANT YOU TAPPED OUT! He’s the WWE Champion and that shouldn’t happen to him. He’ll be getting respect and tonight, the team will be facing the members of Team Angle tonight. Lesnar gives them all individual pep talks and wants them out of his face because they disgust him.

Rey Mysterio vs. Akio

Tajiri and Sakoda only come to the entrance so Akio is here alone. Rey slugs away to start but gets dropped by a hard shoulder from the bigger Akio. A tilt-a-whirl headscissors works a bit better for Mysterio so Akio takes him down and pulls on the arms while putting his foot on Rey’s head. One heck of a clothesline turns Rey inside out for two and we hit the neck crank.

For some reason Akio goes up top but gets crotched down, which Cole thinks might be a turning point. You mean because control turned on a point Cole? Rey gets two off a tornado DDT but gets kicked in the face. Akio’s corkscrew moonsault misses though and it’s the 619 to set up the West Coast Pop for the pin.

Rating: C. This was getting going when they wrapped it up. Mysterio beating one of Tajiri’s goons should move him closer to a Cruiserweight Title shot, which would be a nice story for everyone involved. Tajiri is starting to get some traction so eventually losing the title to Mysterio would work well. As usual, having goons around is a great way to extend a feud like this.

Paul Heyman is looking for Shannon Moore but finds the Bashams chained up with a ball gag in Danny’s mouth as Shaniqua whips them. CHAMPIONS ladies and gentlemen. Shaniqua says they’re celebrating and the Bashams seem very pleased but Shannon comes in to save us all. Heyman is ready to make Shannon a star and he has a match next. His opponent: Matt Morgan.

Matt Morgan vs. Shannon Moore

Shannon slaps him in the face and hammers away to start, earning a heck of a faceplant. Matt chokes in the corner and hits a hard slam, only to have Shannon kick him in the head. Morgan throws him around even more, including a one handed toss over the top, giving us one of Shannon’s great bumps. Back in and Matt pulls him up at two, followed by a spinning sitout powerbomb to complete the destruction.

Ad for Smackdown, showing nothing but the women in various stages of undress. I’ve heard of worse advertising campaigns, but this feels so out there compared to today’s family friendly stuff.

A-Train vs. Bradshaw

Rematch from last week because of reasons. The brawl is on in the aisle before the bell, meaning we’re officially getting a bonus. They get inside with Bradshaw pounding on the back and in the corner until A-Train knocks him down and gets two off a splash. Bradshaw gets a horrible looking DDT (A-Train fell to the side) and they’re both down. A-Train is sent outside and it’s a Derailer on the floor to knock Bradshaw silly. That’s only good for two back inside and Bradshaw gets the same off a small package. A-Train’s Vader Bomb hits a raised boot and a bicycle kick blocks the Clothesline for the pin.

Rating: D. Who in the world was asking for this to be a trilogy? They had two matches and Bradshaw pinned A-Train on Sunday. Other than Hardcore Holly, it’s not like you can get much lower on the Angle team than Bradshaw so why would I want to see him fight over and over? Not the worst match but some of the least interest I can imagine having.

Nathan Jones vs. Chris Benoit

Brock Lesnar is with Jones. Benoit goes straight for the knee but gets shoved outside for his efforts. Back in and Jones gets low bridged to the floor because Jones may be strong but Benoit is smart. Lesnar throws him back in and Jones doesn’t disappoint him by grabbing a powerslam. A chinlock is somewhat more disappointing but a spinning side slam gets two.

It’s already back to the chinlock (try a neck crank next time) until Benoit fights up and avoids a running big boot. The rolling German suplexes set up a missile dropkick (pretty rare for Benoit) but the Swan Dive only hits mat. Benoit slips out of a gorilla press, slaps on the Crossface, takes Lesnar out, grabs the Crossface again and gets the tap.

Rating: D+. Benoit was trying here and Jones could have been worse, but it’s clear that he’s not ready for this spot no matter how much WWE is obsessed with his look. Thankfully it looks like they’re setting up Benoit vs. Lesnar, likely in the big TV show when they don’t have a pay per view in December, so at least we have something to look forward to.

Post match Lesnar goes after Benoit but Hardcore Holly runs in and puts on the dreaded full nelson until Heyman and security come out to have Holly arrested. Oh and he’s indefinitely suspended too. As I said before the pay per view: I still don’t know why WWE thinks people care about Holly.

Here’s Kane to eulogize Undertaker. Kane talks about how the man we knew as Undertaker has been dead for a long time. They used to be monsters together and strike fear into the hearts of mortal men. Then Undertaker betrayed his family by having compassion and defended Stephanie (add this to the list of stories she’s driving without being here).

A monster isn’t supposed to have weaknesses and Undertaker is a fraud. The people cheering for him are true to their nature, unlike Undertaker who was dead before Survivor Series. All Kane can say to him is rest in peace. That’s the start of a long term story if I’ve ever heard one.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is defending after successfully doing so this Sunday on Heat. The referee throws Akio and Sakoda out so this is going to be one on one. Jamie wastes no time in chopping away as the announcers recap Tajiri blinding Nidia. Noble gets sent outside and walks back in for a spinning kick to the shoulder.

We hit the armbar for a bit until Tajiri kicks him in the arm again to cut off the comeback. La majistral gets two on the champ so he kicks Noble in the head to slow him down again. Another kick to the head gets two but the Buzzsaw kick misses. Noble’s tiger bomb gets two as Tajiri gets his foot on the ropes. Cue the blind Nidia for an accidental distraction, allowing Tajiri to grab a rollup (with jeans) to retain.

Rating: C. Can we please let these two have about ten minutes for once? If you add up both of their matches, they don’t even have nine minutes total. They have chemistry but you can’t get much out there in less than five minutes, especially with the ending being angle advancement. That being said, there’s a good chance this is it for Jamie as he’s lost twice in a row now and seems to be moving on to something else. Unfortunately, that something else is likely not going to get him much TV time.

The World’s Greatest Tag Team wants to get their hands on Los Guerreros and put them on the shelf, just like Eddie and Chavo did to them. Haas: “What he said.”

Los Guerreros vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

The brawl is on in a hurry with Chavo dropkicking Shelton down. That’s it for Los Guerreros to start as Shelton goes for Chavo’s knee and takes over early on. Haas comes in and grabs a Boston crab for a few seconds before it’s back to Shelton for more knee work. The Haas of Pain goes on but Eddie is right there to rake his boot over Haas’ eyes for the break. That’s enough for the hot tag to Eddie and things speed up in a hurry. Shelton gets monkey flipped into Haas and a rope walk hurricanrana drops Charlie again. Chavo tornado DDTs Benjamin and springboards into a bulldog on Haas, setting up a frog splash for the pin.

Rating: C. Another match that could have been better with more time but I’ll take what I can get. At least what we had was good while it lasted and it’s nice to see Eddie getting a win for a change. It’s pretty clear that there’s something big coming between he and Chavo and I’m all for that, especially if it goes somewhere bigger for Eddie.

Post match Haas and Benjamin clean house and wreck Chavo’s knee, including wrapping a chair around it and putting on the Haas of Pain. Eddie makes the save with another chair but Chavo wants to know what’s going on.

The Cat got a key to Boise, Idaho in a really badly scripted segment. He debuts next week. Back in the arena, Cole dances to Cat’s music.

Chavo is still yelling at Eddie and blames him for everything while getting treatment for his knee. Eddie leaves and Chavo yells at the trainer, saying it’s time to rely on his real friends.

Vince gives Big Show a pep talk.

Big Show vs. John Cena

Non-title because Big Show is holding the title hostage. Cena starts fast with a baseball slide but walks into a hard clothesline to cut him down. That’s enough for Cole to compare Show’s hand to a frying pan because that’s what he does every time Show chops someone. A big clubbing forearm to the back has Cena in early trouble and Show pulls on his face. Cena gets tossed around the ring, leaving him down so Show can stand on his head.

Cena gets in a dropkick and avoids a big boot to crotch Show on top. The Throwback gets two and Cena grabs a chair…..as a decoy so he can kick Show low. Well to be fair he was still a heel like two weeks ago. That doesn’t seem to have much effort so Show hammers on Cena in the corner. The chain to the head rocks Show again but Cena collapses in an FU attempt. They head outside with Show loading up the announcers’ table, only to drive Cena back first into the post instead.

Back in and the referee gets bumped, allowing Show to grab the steps. He lifts them above his head in the fashion only done for the sake of having Cena kick his knee out and send him face first into said steps. Another shot with the steps is good for the pin, counted by another referee who was paying enough attention to see that a referee was needed but not enough to see the steps shot that set up the cover.

Rating: C-. This was a little too weapons based for me and, again, another instance of Big Show not really doing anything worthy of being US Champion other than being tall. I mean, I know that’s about all there is to him a lot of the time but that’s WWE for you. Cena is still shaking off the heel mannerisms and that might take some time but the fans want to cheer for him, which WWE is at least acknowledging.

Overall Rating: C+. There was a story going on throughout the show and that’s always better than throwing a bunch of stuff out there and hoping for the best. We’re heading for Cena vs. Vince/whomever he picks to fight for him and Lesnar vs. Benoit (and eventually Holly) so we have to get through the good before we get to the bad. This show was mainly wrestling focused so at least they’re moving in the right direction in certain ways.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: November 13, 2003
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Survivor Series and that means it’s time for a bunch of matches to set up Sunday’s elimination match. However, one of those matches needs a participant as Kurt Angle’s team only has four members at this point. You can probably guess the last member but the official announcement probably takes place tonight. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Later tonight: Brock Lesnar/Big Show vs. Chris Benoit/the fifth member.

Kurt Angle vs. Nathan Jones

Jones has Matt Morgan in his corner but he’s ejected before the music even turns off. A top wristlock goes very badly for Angle so he switches to a double leg takedown for some better results. You know, by using wrestling. Back up and a big boot misses so Angle can knock him out to the floor. Jones drops him face first onto the barricade though and Angle is in some sudden trouble. Not enough trouble that he can’t punch his way out of it, followed by a middle rope dropkick for two.

A hard slam plants Angle though and we hit a very lazy looking neck crank. Jones drops an elbow for two, which Cole calls impressive. That would be a vintage low standard. Back up and Angle’s clotheslines just get on Jones’ nerves but the rolling German suplexes work far better. Kurt grabs the Angle Slam and ankle lock but Morgan comes back in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Angle was trying as hard as he could here but it’s clear that Jones is still very limited. If only there was a place they could send him for development of his skills or something like that. The match didn’t have time for Angle to build anything up, but I’m scared to imagine what it might have been if this wasn’t either Angle or Benoit or someone with the energy and skill to pull this off as well as he did.

The beatdown is on until Hardcore Holly makes his, ahem, triumphant return with a chair for the save. Holly wants Lesnar right now but gets no one.

After a break, Holly is still hunting for Lesnar but Paul Heyman threatens to suspend him if he doesn’t calm down. Heyman begs him to leave tonight because he’s not medically cleared until Sunday. Holly eventually leaves and yeah, the fact that it’s Hardcore Holly completely kills what they’re going for here.

Sable and Vince McMahon are looking at the WWE 24 book with pictures of Vince’s dog. Vince isn’t interested because he has a headache but a picture of Undertaker makes him angry. He talks about a dream he had where he was watching maggots eat his dead body but he wound up eating them. Then he couldn’t move and laid there in a stench until they ate him again and again in a loop. Eventually he woke up and smelled the same stench because he had soiled himself. Vince: “What does this mean?” It means that Vince wrote this segment and doesn’t understand why this feud is so bad.

Here’s Jamie Noble to call out Tajiri before Survivor Series. Tajiri actually comes out but the goons, now named as as Akio and Sakoda, follow him for the beatdown. Rey Mysterio runs in for the save though and clears the ring.

Akio/Sakoda vs. Rey Mysterio/Jamie Noble

Joined in progress after a break with Noble slamming Akio before it’s off to Sakoda for some stomping. Mysterio springboards in with a high crossbody to speed things up, only to walk into a hot shot. We hit the front facelock and then a cravate as the new guys are a decent power team, at least for their size. Rey slides between his legs but Akio (who the announcers keep calling Sakada) cuts Tajiri off.

Akio grabs a choke with his knees in Rey’s back but Rey pops up with a headscissors into a reverse DDT for the double knockdown. The hot tag brings in Noble so things can speed up again. Everything breaks down and Akio spinwheel kicks Noble down. The West Coast Pop is broken up though and Tajiri comes in to kick Tajiri in the head, giving Akio the pin. The referee doesn’t even notice that Akio’s feet are underneath the ropes. Fire this man.

Rating: D+. Not the worst match in the world here but Akio and Sakoda aren’t the most thrilling team. Tajiri being built up is a good idea and there’s something to this Noble feud as I want to see Jamie get some revenge. The wrestling wasn’t great though and the ending was a little messy. I do want to see Noble vs. Tajiri more though and that’s the point of the match.

Eddie and Chavo are in the back when a detective comes in. Eddie’s wife’s sister has been in a horrible accident in El Paso so Eddie has to leave. Chavo isn’t happy with this because of their Tag Team Title match tonight. Eddie glares at him and Chavo calms down.

Post break Chavo goes to Paul Heyman, who postpones the title match until Survivor Series. For tonight though, Chavo has to have a handicap match. Shaniqua and the Bashams agree to the idea with Shaniqua accusing Chavo of not having any huevos. The match is made.

The announcers plug the Unscripted book. I remember wanting to read that.

Undertaker is in the graveyard, saying Vince is the one that has to pay. Sunday is Vince’s day of reckoning and he’ll become another victim. Undertaker talks about all the people he’s destroyed but none of them have wanted his wife raped or his children kidnapped. Keep in mind that this is coming from Undertaker, who once kidnapped Vince’s daughter and tried to force her to become his wife in a demonic wedding.

Undertaker shovels dirt into the grave and talks about wanting Vince to suffocate on the thoughts of what he’s done to people over the years. This is said over shots of Vince torturing Stephanie, because somehow, this is still about her. Even when Stephanie isn’t here she drives stories.

Basham Brothers vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo takes Danny to the mat to start as Tazz determines why Eddie is called Latino Heat: He’s Latino and he has heat. An armdrag into some dropkicks have Danny in trouble so Shaniqua gives the Brothers a little whipping for motivation. Chavo kicks Doug in the ribs and dives off the apron onto Danny, followed by a Boston crab back inside. That’s broken up and we hit the double teaming in the corner.

Doug grabs a chinlock as the announcers debate Heyman’s issues with family. The hold goes nowhere so Doug goes up for the dive onto Chavo’s raised foot. Everything breaks down and Chavo hits a tornado DDT to send Doug outside. Shaniqua tries to come in and it’s Twin Magic so Danny can get a small package for the pin.

Rating: D. So in other words it’s the same match as last week but Chavo isn’t as good as Eddie. There’s not enough to this story to keep it going for so many weeks, mainly because the Bashams have no characters other than liking to be whipped by Shaniqua. Chavo is trying but at the end of the day, he’s Chavo Guerrero and working with Eddie. There’s only so much he can do.

Post match Shaniqua kicks Chavo in the face, setting up a double beatdown.

Kurt Angle won’t talk about the fifth member.

Chavo gets treatment as the Bashams laugh from the locker room. IT WAS A RUSE! So now the Bashams and Shaniqua are outsmarting Eddie and Chavo?

Bradshaw vs. A-Train

….oh dear. They fight over a lockup to start until Train clubs him upside the head a few times. Bradshaw sends him to the floor to no avail as Train runs him over back inside. The catapult into the middle rope has Bradshaw in more trouble and we hit a bad sleeper. Bradshaw reverses into one of his own but gets suplexed down. Somehow, that’s enough to keep A-Train down at the same time, mainly because wrestling is weird that way. Bradshaw gets in a dropkick (!) and swinging neckbreaker but charges into an elbow in the corner. The Derailer gets two and it’s the Clothesline to put A-Train away.

Rating: D. Oddly enough I didn’t hate this as they just hit each other really hard for a while. The problem is they did that for over six minutes, which is far longer than these two should be out there. The other problem is Bradshaw. There’s nothing about him (at least in this version) that makes him anything more than a big guy with a hard clothesline. I need something more than that to get invested in.

Angle and Benoit are in the back with Benoit really not liking Angle’s pick for the fifth team member. Whoever it is has made a career out of making them miserable and they can’t be trusted. Angle points out that they feel the same way about each other but sometimes you have to deal with it to reach a common goal. John Cena comes in to say he doesn’t like them either but he’ll team with them to get his hands on Team Lesnar. Benoit threatens Cena and promises to take it out on Angle if things go badly.

Vince is stressed so Sable brings in a priest to relieve some tension. Sable leaves them alone and Vince recaps the situation. The priest starts praying but Vince asks why his eyes are open. Is he that awed by Vince’s presence? Next Vince wants to pray on their knees but that doesn’t work either. The prayer continues and Vince breaks into laughter. See, this prayer needs to be for Undertaker because Vince has heard the calling. Vince cuts a promo on Undertaker and the priest is stunned. As has been the case since it started, this is stupid.

Video on Raw’s matches.

Tazz and Cole run down the blue show matches.

Brock Lesnar/Big Show vs. John Cena/Chris Benoit

Cena and Lesnar start things off and it feels so much more natural to have Cena as a face. Lesnar throws him around without much effort and drives the shoulders in the corner. Some power drives Lesnar into the corner and it’s off to Benoit for the rapid fire kicks to the ribs. A snap suplex gets two but Show comes in to headbutt Cena down without much effort. The fans chant SUBWAY because that passes for clever around here. Show gets in the chokeslam but Benoit pulls Cena to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Cena caught in an abdominal stretch and getting suplexed by Brock. Lesnar tries one too many suplexes though (I’m as shocked as you are) and gets taken down, allowing the hot tag to Benoit. A release German suplex sets up the Swan Dive for two with Show making the save. One heck of a clothesline takes Benoit down and it’s back to Show for more tossing. That means more SUBWAY chants as Show sits on Benoit’s chest.

Brock’s chinlock keeps things slow until Benoit chops his way up and grabs another German suplex. The hot tag isn’t seen though and Cena is taken back to the apron, allowing Lesnar to grab a DDT. Benoit finally gets in an enziguri for the real hot tag to Cena and everything breaks down. The Crossface to Lesnar has the referee distracted, allowing Cena to low blow Show and hit him with the chain for the pin.

Rating: D+. Dull match, but the ending was the right idea. Cena is still brand new at the good guy thing and it makes perfect sense to have him act like a villain until he gets used to this new role. He cheated to win here but he’s cheating against bad guys. Once this feud is over, he can become the full on good guy that he’s destined to be.

Overall Rating: D. There’s no way around it: Survivor Series isn’t looking great overall and the blue side is much weaker than its red counterpart. Undertaker vs. Vince is a bad story and the Survivor Series match feels thrown together (when Hardcore Holly and Bradshaw are two of your best options, there’s a major problem). Like, are Angle, Cena and Benoit going after the title after this? They’re certainly not acting like it at the moment. Throw in something like that and see if this gets better. As things are now, things aren’t looking good but maybe they can surprise me. Save us Raw?

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Smackdown
Date: November 5, 2003
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re coming up on Survivor Series and that means things are picking up fast on the blue show. Last week saw most of the Survivor Series match being set up, which may or may not be something that interests you. The big part though: John Cena seems to be turning from the evil side to the good. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

John Cena vs. Rey Mysterio

Cena says Rey beating him is like Big Show eating one Cheerio. Oh and Rey is a midget dominatrix. The fans love Cena’s jokes and give him a CENA chant as the turn is really starting to click. Cena drops to his knees to start and then bails when certain references are made. A hard shoulder works a bit better for Cena and he breaks up a springboard with a hard right hand. We hit the chinlock back inside but Rey fights up with the sitout bulldog for two. The springboard seated senton gets the same but Cena breaks up a top rope dive with a low blow. An FU is good for the pin.

Rating: C. Cena winning is the right call here as they’re doing something with him and having him lose to Rey would have made him lose some steam as they head into Survivor Series. It’s not like Mysterio needs to win every match so everything is fine here, especially with Cena getting a nice boost.

Post match here’s Team Lesnar, complete with Paul Heyman. Paul likes the idea of Cena taking things like that win, but tonight he’s going to give Cena something. Not a title like he has to earn, but the fifth spot on Team Lesnar at Survivor Series. Actually hang on a second though because no one tells him what to do. Besides, he doesn’t fit in on Team Sasquatch. Cue A-Train from behind to beat Cena down with the rest of the team coming in to join the attack. Lesnar cracks him over the head with a chair and Cena is done.

I know he cheated to do it, but having Cena win makes this better. Today, WWE would do this after he lost a nothing match and then wonder why the angle does nothing. It’s such a logical detail but for some reason it tends to elude WWE time after time, which gets very annoying in a hurry.

Post break, Heyman gives A-Train the fifth spot.

We recap everything falling apart for Eddie Guerrero. Break him down so you can build him up.

Chavo Guerrero tells Eddie that he can’t be out there for Eddie’s handicap match against the Bashams. Eddie needs to do this himself because he’s been the one who caused all of these issues.

Big Show vs. Bradshaw

Non-title. Bradshaw wastes no time in hammering away, just like the fans waste no time in calling this boring. A big boot puts Big Show on the floor and it’s Bradshaw hammering away even more as they get back in. Show kicks him in the face to take over though and the pace gets much slower. Some headbutts have Bradshaw in more trouble as Cole talks about how heavy Team Lesnar is. Bradshaw knees him in the face and takes it outside again with a hard whip sending Show into the barricade. Back in and a chokeslam ends Bradshaw in a hurry. It’s that fast.

Rating: D. There’s not much else that these two are going to do and the short time helped as much as it could. Bradshaw as a singles guy isn’t working very well when it’s just APA Bradshaw as a singles wrestler, doing exactly the same thing. You can only rip of Stan Hansen so many times and it’s not exactly thrilling stuff with Bradshaw on his own.

Heyman tells Torrie that he’s in charge now, backs her against the wall, and tells her she’s going to do this his way.

Kurt Angle is upset that Faarooq is officially out of Survivor Series. Chris Benoit tells him to calm down when Torrie comes in to say Heyman is sending them a message. Tonight it’s Benoit/Angle vs. Team Lesnar (minus Show).

We get a sitdown interview with Undertaker, who hates Vince for costing him the title. Therefore, Vince must be destroyed. Vince doesn’t respect the wrestlers and that’s not cool with Undertaker, so a beating has to take place. You have to be held accountable for your actions and that’s what Vince has waiting on him at Survivor Series.

Ernest Miller is still coming.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Basham Brothers

If Eddie wins, he and Chavo get a title shot next week. Eddie stomps away at Danny to start but Danny grabs a pumphandle, with a hard thrust as Eddie is bent over in front of him. That’s not cool with Eddie or the crowd for that matter as they don’t really react to it. Something like a reverse Michinoku Driver gives Doug two but Eddie walks the ropes for a hurricanrana. A slingshot dive drops Doug but Shaniqua kicks Eddie in the face to cut him off again. The lazy announcers don’t even call her an Amazon this time.

A double slingshot suplex puts Eddie down for two and we hit the chinlock. Eddie gets out with a jumping jawbreaker and avoids a top rope legdrop (with some serious height). Backdrops a go-go give Eddie some momentum and he takes them down at the same time. It’s frog splash time but Eddie has to deal with Shaniqua, allowing the Twin Magic switch. Not that it matters as Eddie steals Shaniqua’s whip and gives the ref a spank. Danny gets caught with the whip and while defending himself, gets rolled up to give Eddie the fluke pin.

Rating: C-. I’m over the Bashams’ “comedy” and having them lose in a handicap match wasn’t the best idea in the world (though it makes Eddie look great again, which is the bigger priority). This sets up the title match, and you can almost bet on Los Guerreros losing to further their split, which should help Eddie in the long run.

Post match, Eddie and Chavo are all cool again and leave in the low rider.

Here’s Vince to talk about the buried alive match hanging over his head like the Sword of Damocles. Vince wants one more chance and asks for everyone to lower their heads and close their eyes for an invocation. He prays for forgiveness for what he has to do but he’s been chosen to destroy the Undertaker. As usual, I have no idea why this is supposed to be the top feud.

Hardcore Holly is still on his way back.

Tajiri/Nunzio vs. Jamie Noble/Ultimo Dragon

Noble is making a surprise return and goes charging after Tajiri but gets dropped by Nunzio. It’s quickly off to Dragon for the strikes to Nunzio, including the series of rapid fire kicks for two. Tajiri comes in and gets sent to the floor with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. His still unnamed goons offer a distraction though and Nunzio gets in a cheap shot to take over again.

The Sicilian Slice gets two on Dragon and the stomping continues. Back up and Nunzio tries a superplex but gets reversed into a faceplant for a double knockdown. That’s enough for the hot tag to Noble but he gets caught in the springboard flying armbar (Arrivederchi). Tajiri misses the handspring elbow though and gets rolled up to give Noble the pin.

Rating: C+. The cruiserweights are fine and this face turn from Noble has been really well done. I want to see him beat Tajiri up for what was done to Nidia and that means the story has been working. It’s not going to lead anywhere because it’s a cruiserweight match but at least we’re getting a nice little story in the meantime.

Survivor Series rundown, with Noble vs. Tajiri for the title announced.

We recap the Cena beatdown, just after the announcers were wondering who would be Angle’s fifth man.

Brock Lesnar/A-Train/Nathan Jones/Matt Morgan vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit

Brock sits in on commentary to start. Jones shoves Angle into the corner as Brock brags about how long Jones was in prison. A gorilla press is countered and Angle dropkicks the knee, allowing the tag to Benoit. Morgan tosses Benoit again, which Lesnar compares to throwing bales of hay on the farm. Lesnar: “I think he’s a farm kid.” Tazz: “He’s from Fairfield, Connecticut.” Lesnar: “They got farms up there!”

It’s back to Angle, who avoids a charge to send Morgan face first into the middle turnbuckle. A-Train comes in and bearhugs Benoit as Lesnar keeps listing off stats. Back from a break with A-Train running Benoit over again and throwing him outside. That’s enough to get Lesnar off of commentary and come in for some shots to Benoit’s back. A delayed fisherman’s suplex gives Brock two as the announcers declare Team Angle done because of how much Team Brock weighs. So not only is Cole Art Donovan’s dream commentator, but apparently wrestling really doesn’t matter in WWE.

Morgan grabs a bearhug of his own before handing it off to A-Train, who is taken down with a German suplex. The hot tag brings in Angle and it’s time for the rolling German suplexes. An Angle Slam drops Morgan and another one gets rid of Brock as the straps come down. Kurt gets the ankle lock on Lesnar while Benoit Crossfaces A-Train, drawing in Big Show for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Not terrible but the ending was pretty obvious. You’re not going to have most of THE GREATEST TEAM EVER losing ten days before Survivor Series, even if it’s to two of the best in the world. Jones and Morgan were kept to a minimum here and that’s a good thing. Let them get their feet wet in the next week before going into one of the biggest pay per views of the year. It’s totally logical.

Bradshaw runs in to clothesline Show but Morgan and Jones take him down. Cue Cena with a chair to clean half of the house until a Derailer cuts him off. Lesnar gets the chair and decks everyone, leaving Team Lesnar to stand really tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. They’re doing everything they can with this Survivor Series match but it’s turned into Big Show/Lesnar vs. Cena/Angle/Benoit and that’s not the most exciting thing in the world. As a show, this was fine and advanced the stories, but you have to remember which stories are being advanced and that brings things back down. Undertaker vs. Vince is a terrible main event and I’m having trouble remembering that Heyman is even running things at the moment. Not a bad show, but Survivor Series is looking bleak for the blue team.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Wrestlemania XXIV
Date: March 30, 2008
Location: Citrus Bowl, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 74,365
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re really entering into a different era around this time as Cena and Orton are steps ahead of everyone else and Edge is on the rise. This was an interesting time though as a lot of the people from the last few years are now firmly on top of the company, showing that you actually can rise up the ranks. If you’re a chosen one when you start of course. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Jim Duggan, Shannon Moore, Jimmy Wang Yang, Val Venis, Cody Rhodes, Hardcore Holly, Jesse, Festus, Stevie Richards, Jamie Noble, Tommy Dreamer, Kofi Kingston, Brian Kendrick, Kane, Great Khali, Miz, Mark Henry, Deuce, Domino, Elijah Burke, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch, Chuck Palumbo, Snitsky

There’s actually something on the line here as the winner gets an ECW Title shot during the regular show. Yang is a cowboy, Cody is Dusty’s son, Jesse is a country boy and his partner Festus is a vegetable until the bell rings, Kendrick is a high flier, Deuce and Domino are greasers (leather jackets, white shirts, slicked back hair like they’re from the 1950s), Miz is one half of the Smackdown Tag Team Champions and Palumbo is now a biker.

No Raw vs. Smackdown this year. Festus starts fast and throws out Deuce and Domino in the first minute. Khali gets rid of Duggan and Burke does the same to Richards. That earns Elijah a chokeslam to the floor from Kane. Miz is out a few seconds later but Cody is able to skin the cat to save himself. Henry backdrops Yang and Moore out at the same time. There goes Jesse, Murdoch, Festus, Kendrick and Cade in less than 45 seconds.

Kofi, Venis and Rhodes are gone in even less time, leaving us with Noble, Kane, Henry, Palumbo, Khali, Snitsky, Dreamer and Holly. Noble gets kicked to the floor and Khali chops Palumbo out a second later. Everyone left gets rid of Khali and Holly is out soon after. Dreamer follows him out and we’re down to Snitsky, Kane and Henry. Mark quickly throws out Snitsky but Kane kicks him in the head to win at 6:45.

Rating: D. That’s one of the fastest battle royals I’ve ever seen and I can barely tell you who was in it. Kane winning is a good choice as you can plug him into whatever you need and have him look good due to his size and power alone. At least this was short, which might have to do with it being streamed live on WWE.com. They might not have wanted it to go long in case something went wrong which makes thing easier on me.

We open with a military fly over which takes advantage of the unique venue.

John Legend sings America the Beautiful. There’s a big canopy over the ring for a pretty cool look. There are palm trees around the stadium for some atmosphere.

The opening video again focuses on Wrestlemania moments and how the entire year leads to this night. Flair caps it off by saying you never know when it could be your last. The second half of the video talks about how many things can happen in a year, which leads into the stories that are dominating this show.

Finlay vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

This is a Belfast Brawl, meaning street fight. This is part of a long story where Hornswoggle was revealed to be Vince’s illegitimate son so Vince tortured him with a bunch of matches he had no chance of winning. One such match was against Vince, but JBL (far slimmer after taking time off due to his back injury) beat Hornswoggle within an inch of his life instead. It was then revealed that Finlay was Hornswoggle’s father to make this especially personal.

Hornswoggle makes his big (work with me here) return and the fans are…..well it’s hard to say given how big the stadium is. They start brawling on the floor and it’s already time for some standard weapons. A string of trashcan lid and cookie sheet shots put Finlay down so JBL brings in some steps, only to have Finlay backdrop out of a powerbomb attempt. JBL kicks him in the face and grabs a garbage can, only to have Hornswoggle hit him in the back with a kendo stick to save his papa. The shillelagh to the head sends JBL outside and it’s table time.

Finlay loads one up in the corner but JBL slaps Hornswoggle, knocking him out cold. This was a good example of the weird way they treated Hornswoggle as he seemed to be a kid at times, despite having a beard and being in his early 20s. Finlay beats JBL up for the son abuse and loads up a suicide dive, only to go head first into a trashcan lid. To be fair that dive was going to be a foot short anyway.

JBL throws a trashcan at Hornswoggle because he knows how to be a great villain. Back in and Finlay hammers away with a trashcan lid and drives him through the table for two. Finlay loads up the steps but takes a kendo stick to the knees, driving his face into the steel. JBL’s Clothesline ends this at 8:37.

Rating: C+. I had a much better time with this than I probably should have but this was a fun match. JBL is an under appreciated heel as knows how to drive a crowd crazy and then takes a beating when he needs to. The Finlay story didn’t really go anywhere but it was cool to see someone as talented as he was getting a story for a change. Fun brawl too, though you would think Finlay goes over here.

Special guest host Kim Kardashian (just get through it) previews Money in the Bank until Mr. Kennedy comes in to say he’s going to win his second in a row. Kim looks terrified, because this is SO beneath the stuff on her shows.

John Morrison vs. Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. CM Punk vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. MVP vs. Chris Jericho

Money in the Bank. Morrison is Miz’s partner in the Smackdown Tag Team Champions, Shelton now wears gold and has yellow hair because he’s the gold standard (guess how well this went), MVP is US Champion (having won it the month after last year’s Wrestlemania) and Jericho, the Intercontinental Champion, came back in November. This would become a trend of the midcard titles not being defended at Wrestlemania.

Kennedy goes for a ladder before the bell but MVP pulls out a small ladder to clean house. Jericho knocks him down with a regular one so Morrison picks up the small ladder and throws it at Jericho to take over. In an awesome spot, Morrison takes the small ladder to the top and moonsaults down onto four people in a huge crash.

Kennedy goes up but Morrison rides another ladder out of the corner to land on the one in the middle. Kennedy loads up a superplex on Morrison but Shelton dives over the ladder to add a sunset bomb for a HUGE crash. Back up and Shelton tries the springboard onto the standing ladder but it topples over, leaving Punk to take Benjamin out with the GTS. Carlito has to deal with MVP by taking out his knee with another ladder. That’s a smart move that most people don’t think of for some reason.

Benjamin is back up with a spinwheel kick to drop Carlito but Kennedy and Carlito shove the ladder over, knocking Shelton through a ladder that was bridged between the apron and barricade ala Edge last year. Morrison and Jericho go up and John gets caught in the Walls on top of the ladder. Kennedy, Jericho and Punk climb at the same time but Carlito springboards onto the ladder as well. Not as high as Shelton got last year but it still looked good.

Kennedy pulls Punk down and Carlito gives Jericho a huge Backstabber to leave everyone down. MVP is left all alone but Matt Hardy makes his return through the crowd and takes him down with a Twist of Fate off the ladder. Morrison is put in the corner and a ladder is bridged over him, followed by the top of another ladder being wedged into the bottom rung of the first ladder, making a big V shape.

Morrison shoves the V forward and climbs the standing ladder thanks to the power of physics but the ladders are shoved down a few seconds later. Carlito goes up and spits apple in Jericho’s face, only to get pushed into another ladder in the corner. It’s Punk back in with the little ladder but Jericho takes him down with a Codebreaker onto the ladder. Punk gets back up in a hurry and both guys climb, only to have Punk trip Jericho, tying him into the rungs of the ladder and allowing Punk to win at 13:54.

Rating: B-. Another good match here as they had a bit more time, though again there were WAY too many people out there. Punk winning really was a big change of pace and a sign that there might be someone new coming up the ranks. The fans were behind him and he was getting over with pure hard work and a cool character. What more can you ask for than that?

Video of last night’s Hall of Fame ceremony with highlights of Rock inducting his father and grandfather and Flair’s induction.

Here’s the full Class of 2008 presentation for the live audience: the Brisco Brothers (Jack and Jerry), Gordon Solie (represented by his family), Rocky Johnson, Peter Maivia (represented his family), Eddie Graham (represented by his son Mike), Mae Young (who of course tries to strip until Mike Graham stops her) and Ric Flair (represented by his children, including future Divas Champion Charlotte). This was a VERY Championship Wrestling From Florida heavy show for a nice touch.

Snoop Dogg, the master of ceremonies for the Playboy match later tonight, is having a great time tonight. He’s found a friend in Festus because they like the same cars and movies. Santino Marella, still a villain, comes in to ask Snoopy where Charlie Brown is. Snoop isn’t interested and rings a bell to make Festus go nuts. Mick Foley comes in to say have a nice dizzle. Snoop came off as the most natural celebrity in years and someone who was actually enjoying himself.

Batista vs. Umaga

Battle for brand supremacy because that’s still a thing. Raw GM William Regal and Smackdown Assistant GM are in the ring for the entrance. As is his custom, Regal calls Umaga “Youmanga”. This is one heck of a drop for both guys as this is as much of a throwaway match as you can have on a show this big.

Batista hammers away and shoulders Umaga out to the floor for some Samoan shouting. Back in and Umaga simplifies things by kicking Batista in the face and splashing him for two. The slow stomping begins and we hit the nerve hold as the fans chant “OOO-OOO-UMAGA!” I think you can say Batista has lost a little bit in the last year or two.

Batista avoids a middle rope headbutt but his back gives out on a slam to give Umaga two more. Back to the nerve hold and the fans start up with that chant again. Umaga drags him to the corner but Batista gets to his feet and slugs away, drawing amazing boos. The Samoan Spike is blocked and Umaga goes head first into the post. Batista’s spinebuster sets up the Batista Bomb (with Batista falling down) for the pin at 7:07.

Rating: D-. Well that’s taken care of at least. They kept it short to help things out a bit but this was a waste of time. The fans clearly didn’t care because again, the brand supremacy thing is a bad idea. Why do I care if Raw or Smackdown is better, and above all else, how does this prove that one of them is better? It wasn’t even a good match as Umaga just beat him up for about five minutes and then Batista made his comeback with his finishers to win. Bad idea and lame match.

The announcers preview Floyd Mayweather Jr. vs. Big Show in an anything goes match.

Mayweather and his entourage are ready.

We recap Kane winning the battle royal on the pre-show.

ECW Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Kane

Chavo is defending. Kane comes out of the crowd to sneak up on Chavo and it’s bell, chokeslam, pin and a new champion in 11 seconds.

Here’s a vignette of Maria and Carlito at dinner. A seagull attacks him and is probably beaten to death. Maria is disgusted as you would expect. This is a commercial for….the show we’re already watching. Ok then.

Actress Raven-Symone is here for Make-A-Wish. She gets in the ring, shouts about the kids here REALLY LOUDLY, and then leaves. Remember how calm and laid back Snoop Dogg was? That’s not what happened here.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair. Shawn announced Ric as the first member of the Hall of Fame Class of2008 and Ric challenged him for a career ending match here. If Flair can’t beat Shawn, he doesn’t want to keep going. Shawn said he was bringing Flair his best but called Flair Old Yeller. That wasn’t cool with Flair, though this is 95% about respect. Like I said, pretty much everyone knows what’s happening here and there isn’t much of an effort to hide it. The video turns into a career highlight package on Flair, which is always cool to see.

Ric is asked about his game plan for tonight. Flair: “Game plan? To be the man.”

Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels

Flair’s career is on the line. Shawn reaches for his hands but Ric pulls them away and slicks back his hair for the strut. We’re in for a greatest hits match here and that’s all it needs to be. They trade hammerlocks to start until both guys go to the mat. Back up and a hiptoss annoys Shawn so Flair shoves him and shouts “OLD YELLER HUH?” That earns him a slap to the face and a bloody lip as things get a bit rougher.

Shawn stops a charge with a raised boot in the corner, only to get slammed off the top. Ric goes up this time and actually hits the cross body. Lawler: “IT WORKED!” Once every twenty five years is fine. The Figure Four is broken up and Flair is kicked to the floor, only to sidestep an Asai moonsault, sending Shawn ribs first into the edge of the table. That landing made me cringe and legitimately cracked Shawn’s ribs.

A belly to back gets two for Flair and JR points out that Charles Robinson, a lifelong Flair mega fan (called Little Naitch back in WCW) is refereeing. What a thrill that must be for him. Flair gets two more off a butterfly suplex but Shawn grabs a swinging neckbreaker to get a breather. They go back to the floor and Shawn, ever the crazy one, actually tries a moonsault to the floor, which only bangs up his ribs even more.

Back in and the ribs give out again but Shawn goes up top for the elbow anyway. The Band is tuned up but Shawn can’t do it, allowing Flair to sweep the legs and put on the Figure Four to one of the best reactions of the night. The hold is reversed and broken so Shawn gets two off a sunset flip. It’s time to get into Flair’s wheelhouse with a chopblock and now we get the long Figure Four. Ric blocks a counter attempt but Shawn is in the ropes soon.

A superkick out of nowhere gets two and Shawn doesn’t think he can bring himself to do it again. Flair blocks another superkick with a low blow but Shawn comes right back with a reverse Figure Four of all things. Flair makes the ropes again but pokes Shawn in the eye just in case. They chop it out from their knees until Shawn scores with a superkick out of nowhere. No cover though as they both very slowly get up. Flair puts up his fist and says come on, setting up the line of “I’m sorry, I love you” before the third Sweet Chin Music ends Flair’s career at 20:25.

Rating: B-. This is a really tough one to grade as while it’s full of emotion, it’s really not all that great. The ending being obvious and both guys respecting each other made this more of a countdown until the big superkick to end it. It’s definitely good and the ending was as close to perfect as you could get (though I would have gone with a hot ending sequence where Shawn’s instincts take over and he wins with a rollup before realizing what he did because a wrestler is supposed to go for the win).

This led to the tear jerking retirement ceremony the next night which was worth every bit of this match. Finally, this was going to close the show but Flair said absolutely not because the show should be about the World Title. It’s very cool to see someone do something selfless like that, because this is a far more emotional moment than either of those matches. Flair was way past being past his prime so this was about as good as it was going to get, which is sad but a fact of life.

Flair gets the big emotional sendoff (with nothing from the announcers, a trait they need to relearn today), walks up the ramp, and takes one last bow.

Smackdown World Champion Edge talks about being in the crowd at Wrestlemania VI where his hero Hulk Hogan lost. That loss took away his innocence, but tonight he can’t wait to take away the innocence of all the Undertaker’s fans when he takes out their hero.

Here are some fireworks to bring the fans back to life.

Beth Phoenix/Melina vs. Maria/Ashley

This is the Playboy lumberjill match (Maria was the new cover girl) with Snoop Dogg as….I guess you would say host. Either way he comes out in a golf cart with the other Divas around him. Snoop does the introductions and Maria’s theme music “With Legs Like That” continues to be one of the catchiest songs WWE has ever had. Beth, a very strong and talented wrestler, is Women’s Champion and Melina has big feathers in her hands that make her look like a peacock. Maria’s ex-boyfriend Santino is with Beth and Melina because he doesn’t like her being in Playboy.

Beth and Ashley get things going with Beth tossing her around like it’s noting. Maria comes in to help on a double hiptoss and it’s just sad. Melina is sent to the floor and the lumberjills kind of beat her up before throwing her back inside. Ashley does a bad headscissors and something like a facebuster out of the corner. Melina sends her to the floor for a beating and it’s off to Beth for a bearhug.

In a unique move, Beth puts Melina on her shoulders and flips her back into a moonsault for two. Ashley kicked out but Maria dove in for the save anyway. Ignore the fact that she was two seconds later. Maria comes back in and there go the lights. I know the match is bad but that’s a bit drastic. We get a spotlight back as Maria “bulldogs” her way out of the Glam Slam (double chickenwing slam).

Everything breaks down and Ashley dives onto some lumberjacks, leaving Maria to come off the top with a clothesline. Santino breaks up the cover so Lawler goes over to break him up (They’ve been having issues since Santino stole Lawler’s Subway sandwich. Just go with it.). In the melee, Phoenix takes Maria out with a fisherman’s buster for the pin at 5:58.

Rating: D-. Same problems in a different year. At the end of the day, Ashley and Maria just are not very good in the ring because they’re models with almost no experience. The match did its job of calming the fans down while the fans were still emotional and gave a lot of them good looking women to stare at so it worked on that end but good grief the match was bad.

Post match Santino goes after Maria but Snoop makes the save and kisses Maria.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Orton is defending, HHH earned a title shot inside the Elimination Chamber and Cena returned WAY early from an injury to win the 2008 Royal Rumble. Cena lost his title shot at No Way Out 2008 but beat Orton in a match on Raw to get another shot.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. HHH

Orton is defending and Cena’s big entrance this year is a marching band and drum majorettes. We even get some big match intros. Orton grabs the belt and hits HHH to get it down to one on one early on. Cena takes over but HHH is back up to take Orton to the floor for a beating against the announcers’ table. Back in and HHH goes with a devastating sleeper, only to have Cena pick them both up at once for a double FU.

HHH slips off and kicks Cena low, leaving the champ to hit a backbreaker on HHH for two. They head up top but HHH pulls Cena off and gets him on his shoulders. Orton comes back with a high cross body, followed by his elevated DDT to both guys. He goes into the crouched position but the RKO to Cena is shrugged off with Orton landing on HHH. The top rope Fameasser looks to set up the STFU on the champ but Orton sends him into the post instead.

HHH gets back up and starts in on Orton’s knee but walks into a quick RKO. It’s Cena back in with the STFU on the champ but just like he did with Shawn four years ago, HHH grabs the arm to block the tap. The Indian Deathlock puts Orton in trouble again until Cena breaks it up and sends HHH over the corner. There’s another STFU on Randy until HHH makes yet another save by pulling the arms apart and putting HHH in the Crossface.

With Orton down, Cena wins a slugout against HHH and initiates his finishing sequence. The FU is countered into the Pedigree which is countered just as quickly. HHH comes back with a facebuster and spinebuster (that’s a lot of busting) but has to take Orton’s knee out again. Now the Pedigree connects but Orton runs in with the Punt (running kick to the head) to pin Cena at 14:10.

Rating: B. They kept it moving out there but there’s no way you could have these three put together a match that was going to live up to the expectations of having the three top stars on Raw together in one match. It’s still entertaining and the match flew by as they didn’t bother trying anything aside from hitting big move. That’s not the easiest style in the world to work but it was solid enough here. Good match, though it didn’t feel like a big time Wrestlemania match.

We recap Mayweather vs. Big Show. Mayweather was at No Way Out and jumped the barricade for a fight with Show, who got down on one knee to compensate for the height. Show laughed at him so Mayweather threw punches so fast that Big Show couldn’t even see them, breaking Show’s nose. A match was made with the fighter vs. the wrestler, though it’s really not clear who is good and who is bad. Mayweather is the small guy but he’s been a huge jerk the whole time. Show on the other hand has been a bully who is talking about defending wrestling’s honor. It was really confusing, though I think Mayweather is the good guy.

Floyd Mayweather Jr. vs. Big Show

Anything goes. Money rains down during Mayweather’s entrance for a cool visual, even though it was done last year. They circle each other for most of the first minute until Mayweather gets in a body shot. Show is annoyed so Floyd gets in a few extended shots to the jaw. They head to the corner and Mayweather drinks water from a chalice. Show gets annoyed and decks part of Mayweather’s entourage as this is already falling apart.

Now the big man gets smart by trying to stomp on Mayweather’s hands. An attempt at a chokeslam is much dumber though as it puts Mayweather at eye level with him, allowing him to get in a right hand and sleeper. It works better than most wrestlers’ sleepers do on Show but he eventually flips Mayweather to the mat and stomps on the hand. There’s a BIG overhand chop in the corner and Show steps on Floyd’s back (Entourage member: “YOU CAN’T DO THAT!”).

Show plants him with a side slam and steps on the ribs, followed by playing to the fans like the hero. Again, Show, as in the guy a foot and a half taller and THREE HUNDRED POUNDS heavier is the good guy? Floyd tries to leave but gets caught with ease because a beaten down boxer can’t outrun a giant. Back in and another entourage member breaks up a chokeslam, only to take it himself. Floyd gets the chair and chops Show down a bit, followed by a low blow. Three chair shots to the head put Show on one knee and some brass knuckles to the jaw gives Mayweather the knockout win at 11:40.

Rating: B. This is old school insanity that you can only get in wrestling. Mayweather was a big draw here and the match was so much fun. Of course the quality isn’t there but what are you expecting from these guys? There’s no way you can have this be a competitive match as Show would just have to get his hands on him once to win so there wasn’t much else they could do here. Fun stuff here if you remember that it’s a show and not a competitive match.

Another commercial for the show we’re on.

Kim Kardashian (I forgot she was here) comes out to announce the attendance and clearly doesn’t want to be there.

We recap Undertaker vs. Edge, which is fallout from the previous year where Edge used Money in the Bank to take the title from Undertaker but then got hurt for most of the second half of the year. Undertaker won the Elimination Chamber (one of two that year) to get a spot here. Edge wants to break the Streak as well as defend his title.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Undertaker

Edge is defending and here come the druids. Smackdown GM and Edge’s perpetually injured girlfriend Vickie Guerrero is wheeled out to the stage. Edge goes right after him to start but that’s just fine with Undertaker, who hammers away in the corner. Old School is broken up but Undertaker throws Edge back into the corner for more choking. A running jumping knee of all things smashes Edge in the face. He gets the better of it though as Undertaker crashes out to the floor and might have hurt his back and/or arm.

Edge stays in control with a swinging neckbreaker across the top rope, followed by a running shoulder in the ribs. They’re slowing things up a bit now and it fits the match better. Edge tries to go up top but gets shoved all the way down to the floor for a crash. Is it any wonder that he retired due to all of his injuries? The Taker Dive makes things even worse for Edge and Undertaker scores with the apron legdrop (called a dropkick by Coach, who never was a very good commentator).

Back in and Undertaker’s back won’t let him use the Last Ride so Edge knocks him to the floor and drops him back first across the barricade and right next to what looks like a pulled pork sandwich. The champ throws on a half crab and puts a knee in the back to make it even worse. The hold stays on for a good while but they keep struggling instead of just laying on the mat. That’s something you don’t see enough these days as holds are often spent just laying around. Undertaker trying to fight out of it isn’t the most interesting thing in the world but it’s showing effort instead of resting.

Edge loses a slugout and takes Snake Eyes but stops the big boot with a dropkick. The Impaler gets two but the spear hits knee, setting up a chokeslam for two. Old School is broken up as well and a top rope superplex gets two more for the champ. There are the required right hands in the corner to set up the Last Ride but Edge is smart enough to slip out and grab a neckbreaker for two.

Edge can’t counter another Last Ride though so he has to kick out instead. You don’t see that very often. We’re not done with the counters as the Tombstone is reversed into the Edge-O-Matic (reverse X-Factor). Undertaker kicks Edge in the face but tries a second one and takes out the referee by mistake. With no one watching (save for 74,000 people), Edge gets in a low blow and a shot with a camera.

No referee though so Edge tries a Tombstone and is of course reversed because EVERYONE (not named Kane) IS REVERSED. Another referee runs down the LONG ramp to count a very delayed two but here come Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder (the Edgeheads, some of Edge’s cronies) for a distraction, allowing Edge to hit the spear for two. The spear connects again but Edge poses too long, allowing Undertaker to pull him into Hell’s Gate (modified triangle choke) for the tap at 23:48.

Rating: A-. This is a forgotten classic which would be trumped by even better matches between the two later in the year. All of the counters were a great idea until Edge got just a bit too cocky until Undertaker caught him in something he couldn’t get out of. Great match here and Undertaker’s amazing Wrestlemania resume somehow gets even longer. Three World Titles is a great career and he’s done it at the same show. That’s nuts, especially when he’s been around over seventeen years at this point and is still having great matches.

A lot of fireworks and the highlight package wrap it up.

Overall Rating: A-. People only remember the Flair match here but it’s actually a heck of a show with only Batista vs. Umaga and the Divas being bad. There’s emotion, great action, a good Money in the Bank and a big title change to close it out. That’s a really good Wrestlemania but for some reason people don’t talk about this one too much. Like I said, the main event is a forgotten classic and you have a lot of other good stuff backing it up. Great show and one of the better ones of this era.

Ratings Comparison

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Finlay

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C+

Shelton Benjamin vs. CM Punk vs. Carlito vs. Chris Jericho vs. MVP vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. John Morrison

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B-

Batista vs. Umaga

Original: F+

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: D-

Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B-

Beth Phoenix/Melina vs. Maria/Ashley

Original: F

2013 Redo: F+

2015 Redo: D-

John Cena vs. HHH vs. Randy Orton

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Floyd Mayweather vs. Big Show

Original: D-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B

Edge vs. Undertaker

Original: A-

2013 Redo: A

2015 Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

2013 Redo: A-

2015 Redo: A-

Dang that Mayweather vs. Show match got a nice bump.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/31/583/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/04/02/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xxiv-the-underrated-classic/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: October 30, 2003
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 2,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

The Heyman Era has its first full night this week and you can imagine that Vince McMahon isn’t all that happy with him. Last week’s show ended with Undertaker managing to defeat Big Show and Brock Lesnar in the same match. Naturally he pinned them both in one match because wins and losses don’t matter to champions in WWE. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s big story with Heyman becoming GM and Undertaker overcoming the odds to set up his Buried Alive match at Survivor Series. It’s amazing how much younger and energetic (and less bloated) Heyman looks here. This eats up over four minutes.

Opening sequence.

At Survivor Series: Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar.

A-Train/John Cena vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit

Rematch from last week where Angle and Benoit got in a fight. Before the match, Cena thinks Angle and Benoit are breaking up but then they were kissing and making up. Oh and he and A-Train are Han Solo and a Wookie. The chicks dig that about A-Train though. Benoit headlocks Cena to start as the announcers talk about who might be on which Survivor Series team.

A hiptoss sends Cena into the corner and it’s off to Angle to beat on him even more. A-Train comes in and gets suplexed, followed by a backdrop to Cena. That’s enough of a distraction for A-Train to blast Cena with a clothesline, followed by a Vader Bomb for two as the pace picks up a little bit. Something like a Polish Hammer gives Cena two (there’s a move that could come back) and the big clothesline puts Angle down again.

A DDT allows the hot tag to Benoit who starts cleaning house with a running forearm to A-Train. Benoit grabs the German suplex but the Swan Dive only hits mat. Angle is right back in with an Angle Slam to A-Train, only to walk into an FU. Not that it matters as Benoit rolls the German suplexes on A-Train, followed by the Swan Dive for the pin. How often do you see that get a clean fall?

Rating: C. This was entertaining and got a little bit of time to make things that much better. A-Train is good in the role of enforcer and Cena is getting better in the ring. You can see a lot of the Survivor Series teams from here and that makes for some fun times. They could put together a good match and if the build works as well, so be it.

Post match Cena yells at A-Train and gets slapped so Cena kicks him low. An FU plants A-Train and I think the face turn has begun.

Vince rips into Heyman for screwing everything up last week and says there won’t be a Buried Alive match because there won’t be an Undertaker at Survivor Series. Heyman says that’s going to be a problem because he’s given Undertaker time off until Survivor Series. The following is a direct quote.

Vince: “This is what’s gonna happen. Terrorists are going to burn down the Undertaker’s house. His children are going to be kidnapped. His wife, she’s gonna be raped by a motorcycle gang, right in front of him. That’s the plan I want implemented!” BUT REMEMBER! THE MOST DASTARDLY THING VINCE EVER DID WAS CLOTHESLINE AND BODY SLAM STEPHANIE! Vince wants all this done in fifteen minutes or he’s going to strangle Heyman to death in the arena.

Torrie Wilson is getting ready for a Trick or Treat contest and sizes up some of her options. Naturally she just got out of the shower and is in a towel.

Angle asks Benoit to be on his team and Chris accepts. They are NOT friends though.

Heyman goes to see Vince and tells him he didn’t go through with any part of Vince’s plan. Good for him to not be in on the terroristic threats and various other crimes. Vince isn’t happy and promises to strangle Heyman to death and THEN fire him. Paul asks why Vince has sunk this low. He used to go toe to toe with Steve Austin and now he’s happy with slapping around Paul Heyman, Zach Gowen and Stephanie McMahon? Heyman wants the ruthless Vince who destroyed WCW and stared down the federal government. We get the big inspirational speech and Vince seems to buy it.

The announcers want to know what’s going on.

Video on the recent house show tour. Are they running short tonight and needing to fill time?

Ultimate Dragon vs. Rey Mysterio

Tajiri sits in on commentary with his bodyguards at his side. Rey’s tights are rather odd as he has his usual blue/green tights but what looks to be purple cutoff jean shorts over top of them. A spinning springboard crossbody gets two on Dragon as Tajiri is rather tight lipped about anything Cole asks him. He does apologize for misting Nidia but says she’s not nice. Rey dropkicks the knee out and the sitout bulldog is good for two. Dragon backdrops him over the top to avoid the 619 and kicks him out of the air for good measure. The ref gets bumped and Tajiri kicks Rey (behind Dragon’s back) for the pin. Dragon is confused.

Post match Tajiri and the goons get in with Tajiri bowing to Dragon, who just shrugs and leaves.

Big Show and Brock Lesnar bicker about last week’s loss. A production assistant comes in to say Heyman wants to see Lesnar in the ring. Show: “That can’t be good.”

Here’s Heyman, flanked by Nathan Jones and another giant. Heyman introduces Jones as someone who is feared on several continents and was given bad advice by Undertaker. His fellow monster is Matt Morgan, meaning Heyman has scooped both Steve Austin and Eric Bischoff because Morgan will dominate everyone put in front of him. With the two of them guarding him, Heyman wants Lesnar here right now.

Cue Brock with a smile on his face and telling Paul to shut up. Brock isn’t dumb enough to get in there with those two monsters but Heyman wants to talk business. That’s cool with Lesnar but he brings out Big Show just in case. Lesnar still hates Heyman’s guts, but if he wants to talk business then it’s another thing. Heyman has named Lesnar a captain at Survivor Series and he’s already given Brock three team members: Big Show, Jones and Morgan. There are two other men who want to be the last member of the team, so tonight it’s Big Show/Lesnar vs. the APA. Heyman says to trust his greed, which seems to work for Brock.

Orlando Jordan and Paul London are playing Smackdown vs. Raw when Dawn Marie comes in to show off her costume. They seem pleased and go back to the game.

Hardcore Holly is still coming back.

Funaki, in an afro and loud jacket, is the emcee for the Trick or Treat contest. Torrie is a sexy bunny (complete with carrots) and Dawn is Wonder Woman (a required costume). They both get to present their costumes and of course Torrie wins, despite wearing a bit more than she usually does. Next up is bobbing for apples in chocolate with Dawn covering herself in said chocolate and taking her top off. Tazz says that’s the treat so let’s show Funaki the trick. Torrie shoves Tazz into the chocolate. Was this supposed to be funny? The costumes looked good but the “comedy”….not so much.

Ernest Miller is coming. WHY???

Brock offers Cena the last spot on the team but doesn’t get an answer.

Tazz, still covered in chocolate, hugs Cole.

Chavo Guerrero reminds Eddie of his recent losses. He’s sinking low again, like when he was on drugs and alcohol. What is with the writing on this show tonight?

We recap Eddie’s losses. Can we get a match anytime soon?

Here’s a depressed Eddie, on foot, for a chat as the lack of wrestling continues. Chavo wanted a public apology for Eddie losing two titles in a week. It’s true that Eddie let people down, including la familia. Eddie apologizes in Spanish and says what Chavo told him hurt. He’s been fighting his addictions for a long time and it’s life for him instead of a game. A fan says Eddie sucks and Eddie agrees with him. Why did Chavo have to bring that up?

Eddie talks about his character being defined by how he picks himself up after being knocked down. A smile creeps onto his face and Eddie says he’s going to fight for Chavo and his raza. Cue Shaniqua with the Tag Team Titles. Eddie: “A mamacita wannabe!” It’s a ruse so the Bashams can come in for a beatdown but Eddie fights all of them off. Danny breaks up a frog splash attempt though and Eddie gets beaten down. Way to use the energy from that really good promo guys. Chavo FINALLY comes in for the save.

Post break Eddie rants to Heyman about wanting the Bashams so he gets them next week….in a handicap match. You know, like last week. Eddie freaks out.

Angle announces the rest of his team: the APA and Bob Holly. And we’re supposed to pay to see those three against Jones and Morgan?

The announcers mess with the chocolate some more.

Survivor Series rundown.

Since we haven’t talked enough yet, Undertaker has a sitdown interview to talk about why he picked Vince. Sometimes you have to take beatings to get what you want but Big Show and Lesnar will get what’s coming to them later. Undertaker wants the title back so he has to get rid of Vince to get him there. Vince has dug his own grave.

Big Show/Brock Lesnar vs. APA

Yep, it’s your main event. Brock and Bradshaw start things off with the champ throwing him into the corner without much effort. Bradshaw gets in a shoulder but it’s off to Show to run him over again. A side slam and headbutt have Bradshaw rocked even more as this is one sided so far. Faarooq comes in for some better results, including charging at Show and clearly pulling up before hitting a shoulder. Show boots him in the face as everything breaks down. A chair to Faarooq’s back is enough for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Nothing match here but you can imagine the post match angle that it was there to allow. The APA just doesn’t matter in 2003 and there’s really no hiding it anymore. They used to be good but Faarooq is too old and it’s getting harder for them to find ways around it. There was nothing to see here and that was the planned idea.

Post match Lesnar and Show destroy Faarooq’s leg with a chair. Bradshaw gets chaired down as well but it’s Benoit and Angle coming in for the save. A double submission goes on but Morgan and Jones run in for the beatdown to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Total wrestling time on this show: 12:27. Now I can live with a show with very little wrestling if the rest is good but remember what we had on this show. We went from Vince wanting to have Undertaker’s wife raped to Nathan Jones/Matt Morgan being presented as main eventers to a costume contest with Tazz being shoved into chocolate to a speech about overcoming addictions to Bob Holly being presented as a main eventer. This was horrible and I don’t know if Vince was preoccupied with the wedding or something else but it was a complete mess with almost nothing of value in two hours.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: October 23, 2003
Location: Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past No Mercy and that means it’s time to get ready for Survivor Series. Thankfully it also means that Stephanie McMahon is gone after having been beaten by her father in an I Quit match. Since that’s going to get some focus tonight, we’ll move on to Brock Lesnar successfully defending the World Title against the Undertaker. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

And here’s No Mercy as a bonus.

The opening recap features the narration from Sunday’s opening video and some audio from Vince defeating Stephanie when Linda threw in the towel. We need to keep Stephanie strong for the off screen wedding you see.

Opening sequence.

Here are Vince and Sable to open things up. Vince brags about his win and had a lot of fun stomping Stephanie into the ground. We’re celebrating tonight, maybe even like he celebrated with Sable on Sunday. He didn’t spare the rod with Sable because he used it all night long. On Sunday he did what he wanted by leaving Stephanie unemployed and making sure Brock Lesnar remained WWE Champion.

It was Vince who turned the lights out and sent the FBI out before he had to help things out himself. The new rule: don’t cross the boss but do have sex with the man who signs your checks. I’m assuming he’s talking about Sable there but it’s not clear. That brings us to the position of General Manager and it’s not going to be Sable. Vince: “I have some other job positions in mind for you.” No the new General Manager is….Paul Heyman. Vince is REALLY nice about forgiving past grudges.

Cole and Tazz panic but here’s Undertaker to chase Vince and Sable off. Heyman says he’s the only hope that Undertaker has because Vince is never going to help him. Tonight, Undertaker is going to have a match against Brock Lesnar and Big Show. If he can win that, he gets any match he wants. Undertaker promises to make this blow up in Heyman’s face and get his revenge.

This is certainly a change of pace and odds are this is going to get rid of Vince, or at least lower the amount of time he’ll be spending on TV. There’s no need to have two heel authority figures and Heyman can more than hold his own with the talking. Undertaker vs. Lesnar continuing doesn’t do much for me, but Vince vs. Undertaker does even less. Heyman being the new boss is interesting though and he’s certainly an upgrade over Stephanie.

John Cena/A-Train vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit

Before the match, Cena says it’s time to shake Kurt’s hand….but that’s a b**** move. He’s about to snatch his thunder back like a five finger discount and people need to get off of his….well you know. Angle headlocks A-Train down to start but some knees in the corner have Kurt down. Cena comes in with a Michinoku Driver (Where has he been keeping that thing?) for two before it’s back to A-Train for a butterfly suplex.

A big German suplex gets Angle out of trouble and it’s off to Benoit for a German suplex of his own. A-Train has to break up the Sharpshooter on Cena as everything breaks down. An Angle Slam drops A-Train and it’s the ankle lock to Cena. A-Train is up way too fast for the save and the limping Cena grabs the chain. Benoit grabs a chair from A-Train but hits Angle by mistake, triggering a fight. Kurt gets caught in the Crossface and the match is thrown out. Why? It shouldn’t be a DQ and the referee didn’t see the chair shot.

Rating: C. This was fun while it lasted but there’s not much you can do with five minutes and getting in an angle at the same time. Benoit vs. Angle could be good, assuming it leads to someone getting a fresh shot at Lesnar. Brock is needing some new challengers right now and Benoit would be a better choice than Angle at the moment.

We look at Tajiri blinding Nidia last week.

Using a webcam, Jamie Noble is serious about fixing Nidia’s sight. All the money he got from his aunt means nothing if she’s not better. If Nidia doesn’t come out of this ok, Tajiri will be paying. Serious Jamie actually worked, despite the thick accent.

Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin are excited about Paul Heyman being back when Heyman comes in. He calls them liars (oh the irony) for not calling after Brock Lesnar took him out. Therefore, the Basham Brothers are getting the Tag Team Title shot instead of Haas and Benjamin. They can have another match and that is next.

Vince and Sable are in a box and wave to the little people.

Video on Stu Hart. This one is narrated by Cole instead of Vince in a nice bit of continuity if you treat Raw and Smackdown as two completely different things.

World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Rikishi/Scotty 2 Hotty

This is Rikishi’s first WWE match since June and Scotty’s first since April 2002. Scotty and Haas get things going with a quick takedown allowing Scotty to celebrate. A hiptoss drops Benjamin and we hit the Moonwalk. Benjamin gets in a shot from behind though and it’s time to take over as we wait on the hot tag to Rikishi.

It’s off to a chinlock for a bit before the jump over Charlie and onto Scotty’s back keeps him in trouble. A clothesline gets Scotty over to the corner for the tag and Rikishi cleans house….until Shelton superkicks him down. Everything breaks down and Scotty brings back the Worm to Shelton. Haas gets a Stinkface and Rikishi sits on Shelton’s chest for the pin.

Rating: D+. Uh, yay! I’m not sure who was wanting to see Rikishi and Scotty back but there are worse ideas out there. I’ll take them over a team like Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak on Raw as Rikishi and Scotty at least have some charisma and have been successful at one point. There are worse ideas so I’ll take what I can get.

Dancing ensues post match.

Vince and Sable join in on the dancing but Undertaker breaks into the sky box. After insulting Sable, Undertaker tells Vince to pray that he wins tonight. Otherwise, Undertaker will be back and there won’t be any talking.

Eddie Guerrero is getting treatment for the injuries from Sunday when Chavo comes in and tells him to suck it up. Chavo: “THIS IS FOR GRANDMA!”

Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are challenging. A fired up Eddie hammers on Doug in the corner to start before it’s off to Chavo for more of the same. Eddie comes back in with the slingshot hilo as this is completely one sided so far. It’s off to Danny, who has ever worse luck as Chavo snapmares him into the champions’ corner. Shaniqua grabs a foot though and the Bashams take over for the first time. It’s off to the chinlock for a bit before Danny slaps on a full nelson.

Like a nitwit, Doug charges straight at the two of them and gets backdropped. A wristdrag/headscissors combination takes the Bashams down and the hot tag brings in Chavo. Danny gets planted with a running tornado DDT (looked good) as everything breaks down. It’s back to Eddie for a slingshot hilo while Chavo holds Danny in a backbreaker (that’s a new one). Shaniqua offers a distraction and the Bashams switch, allowing Doug to hit Eddie with a nightstick for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C. This screams long term booking to me and there’s nothing wrong with that. Chavo getting on Eddie before the match suggests that the team is being broken up soon and if that means a big Eddie singles run, I’m rather pleased. The Bashams still need to drop Shaniqua but at least they had a few wins to set this up.

Post match Shaniqua says they’re going to, ahem, celebrate.

During the break, Chavo berated Eddie for the loss and walked away from him.

Tajiri vs. Zach Gowen

Non-title. Gowen is wrestling in a shirt this time around, which doesn’t exactly hide the fact that he’s the size of a middle school kid. Tajiri kicks him hard in the shoulder but gets armdragged down into an armbar. A tornado DDT is countered into a spinebuster and we hit the USA chant to annoy Tajiri. Zach avoids a knee drop (with Tajiri adding a high pitched squeal on the way down) and goes up, only to miss his moonsault. Tajiri kicks his head off for the pin.

Rating: D. That’s Gowen’s last match in WWE and I’m not going to miss him. He’s the definition of a novelty act that ran its course and then stuck around even longer. There’s no hiding the fact that most of his offense is built around fluke rollups and moves that wouldn’t do a great deal of damage. Couple that with the constant “this kid has heart” and “he’ll never give up” lines from Cole and the feel good story lost all of its charm in very short order.

Post match Tajiri’s unnamed associates come in and lay Gowen out again on Tajiri’s orders.

Lesnar tells Big Show to follow his lead tonight. That’s fine with Show, who warns Brock that he’ll be coming for the title soon.

Vince and Sable are still in the box.

Bob Holly is coming back after a year off with a neck injury. He’s coming for Lesnar and wants to break his neck. That works very well aside from the being Hardcore Holly part.

Video on Hawk, who passed away earlier in the week.

Undertaker vs. Big Show/Brock Lesnar

This has way more time than it needs so hopefully there’s something after the match. Show starts for the very large team and drives Undertaker into the corner to start. Undertaker takes a rare powder when they both come in at once and it’s already chair time. Lesnar comes in for the shoulders to the ribs (a far too popular move) as Tazz thinks they might be working on Undertaker’s midsection.

A suplex gives Brock two but as usual, Show screws up, this time by running into a big boot. Undertaker goes vintage with the jumping clothesline to both guys in turn but walks into a chokeslam from Show. It’s Lesnar tagging himself in for a delayed two and ordering Show to go up top. The spike piledriver (that sounds like something you wouldn’t see from the 80s) is broken up and Show gets slammed off the top for the pin. Vince is immediately on his feet and here’s Heyman to say that this is 2/3 falls. Therefore it should be 0-0 as Show wasn’t legal but Heyman never cared about rules.

Back from a break with Heyman in his office chair on the stage and Lesnar eating Snake Eyes into the big boot. Somehow the 7’2 500lb Show manages to sneak around the ring for a clothesline but Undertaker knocks him over the barricade. Some right hands to Lesnar are enough for the countout win….but Heyman says there are no countouts. Show chairs him in the back, there are no DQ’s, and we keep going. This time Undertaker gets smart and grabs the chain to knock the both silly for the pin on Lesnar.

Rating: D+. Well it wasn’t Austin vs. Love but it did the job. Above all else here though, was it really necessary to have Undertaker get two pins on the two singles champions, including the new US Champion? I’m getting rather tired of seeing Undertaker against these two but hopefully some fresh blood is on the way. Heyman screwing Undertaker over is fine for now, but having him lose this early on is more interesting. It’s nice to have a boss who gets taken down a peg or two so soon.

Post match Show lays Undertaker out with a chokeslam and Brock adds an F5 into the post. Vince wants to come see this in person so here he comes after a break. With Undertaker rolling up the ramp, Vince screams about how Undertaker will never be WWE Champion. Vince asks what match Undertaker wants with Lesnar so Undertaker says it’ll be at Survivor Series in a Buried Alive match…..against McMahon. As usual, Vince does the cocky to terrified transition better than anyone. This was a good reveal too as there was no reason to think Undertaker wouldn’t pick Lesnar, but going with McMahon makes sense.

Overall Rating: C-. There was some change in here to make the show better (read as a lack of Stephanie) but they’re continuing the stories that are still around as well. Heyman didn’t really get to do much on his first night but he’s a long overdue change in the power structure. Survivor Series is already starting to take shape, though there’s a lot of work left to be done. They’re off to an acceptable start, but there’s a very long way to go yet.

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Smackdown
Date: October 9, 2003
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

With less than two weeks to No Mercy, the question becomes how can we find more time to talk about Vince and Stephanie. That story dominated last week’s show and has done so for months now. At least we’re heading towards their pay per view blowoff and that means we might be free soon enough. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s Vince/Stephanie segment with Vince demanding that she quit (again) and Stephanie saying no (again) and getting in a fight with Sable (again).

Opening sequence.

Here’s Linda McMahon with the always awesome old school Wrestlemania theme music. She knows people are used to the McMahon Family drama but then Shane wrecked a limo with Kane inside. The week before that, Vince slammed Stephanie in the middle of this ring. Now there’s an I Quit match at No Mercy so maybe she can talk some sense into Stephanie. You know you can’t let Stephanie have that much attention without her being here in person so here she is.

She’s not going to back down and let Vince win….so here’s Vince because of course we need all of them out here. Vince talks about giving Stephanie a chance to get out of this match last week but now he wouldn’t let her out of it if she got on her knees and begged her. She’s made him brutalize her but he’ll do it with a clear conscience. His soul will be cleansed because he’s being forced to do it, just like Linda forced him to sire a second child. Linda says this match isn’t fair and asks what Vince is putting up. After a little goading, Vince puts up his Chairman spot to even things up.

We’re still not done though as Sable comes out with Vince calling her voluptuous. He introduces her to Linda and Sable rubs his chest while announcing she’ll be in Vince’s corner at No Mercy. Linda isn’t surprised because Sable will offer her services to anyone. Sable slaps Linda so Stephanie jumps her, only to get clotheslined by Vince. That’s your fifteen minute opening, because last year’s great wrestling show needed to be turned into the McMahon Variety Show.

Ultimo Dragon vs. Tajiri

Non-title and Rey Mysterio, announced as the #1 contender for No Mercy, is on commentary. Tajiri grabs a wristlock to start but the handspring elbow is broken up with a kick to the back. The Asai moonsault mostly misses and they head back inside. Dragon grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but Tajiri hits a Michinoku Driver for two of his own. The Tarantula is broken up and Rey talks about using these same counters. Makes sense. Not that it matters as the Buzzsaw kick ends Dragon in short order.

Rating: C-. Nothing wrong with this one as Tajiri gets some momentum heading into the title match. I liked Rey actually talking about what he could get out of doing commentary as most of the time it’s just a way to advance a story. You can do that after the match while also making it seem like there’s a reason to be out there in the first place. I’m still not sure what happened to Dragon though, as he came in and never even got warmed up before being turned into this.

Post match Tajiri kicks Dragon again, drawing Rey in for a 619.

Stephanie has big news: LINDA will be in her corner at No Mercy! That’s so lame I can’t even bother to make fun of it.

Undertaker comes out for a match but first he promises to break Lesnar at No Mercy. Vince is about to send the FBI out here to soften him up but he hasn’t come alone. Undertaker wants us to meet his best friend and pulls out a chain.

Undertaker vs. Chuck Palumbo

Yes the FBI still exists. Undertaker wastes no time in throwing Chuck around and hits an early Old School. Nunzio offers a distraction so Chuck can get in a few shots, only to miss a charge into the post. Another distraction lets Palumbo try a superkick, which is countered into the chokeslam for a fast pin.

Post match Lesnar comes in but Undertaker cleans house with the chain.

Paul London interrupts Vince and Sable and can’t get a handshake from the boss. He can however get a title match with Lesnar tonight. Didn’t we do this with Spanky earlier this year?

Big Show shoves a burrito into the face of some guy at catering.

Zach Gowen is back. Egads good for him.

Big Show vs. Orlando Jordan

Rematch from last week when Show’s burritos gave him some issues. The announcers discuss Show’s body fat as he throws Jordan around with ease. A dropkick to the back annoys Show so much that he clotheslines Jordan’s head off. Show boots him in the face and finishes with a chokeslam in short order.

In the back, Eddie says of course he’s nervous about Big Show chasing after him. The thing is, he has some cousins around here and if Show does get some revenge, it’s going to be a very stinky situation. Eddie compares this to Jack and the Beanstalk but Big Show jumps him and kicks the heck out of Eddie’s ribs.

We look at John Cena using a chain to beat Kurt Angle last week.

Tazz is emceeing a battle rap between Angle and Cena. It’s Cena out first to say Angle has less street cred than Michael Cole. Now those are fighting words. Cole: “I’ve got some street cred!” After Angle comes out, Cena goes first and raps his usual string of insults: Angle couldn’t win a bronze in the Special Olympics, he has no testicles, and….something that Angle cuts him off which sounded like foul language.

Angle praises the rapping skills and tells a story in rhyme, talking about how Cena thinks he’s black, threatening Cena if he uses the chain again (or a-gain as the story goes) and promising to make Cena tap. That’s enough for the fight to be on until Cena hits him with the mic. Cena gets in a few kicks tot he ribs but Angle rolls some German suplexes. The thread of an ankle lock sends Cena bailing. Fine segment, though it was no “I’m just a sexy Kurt, I’ll make your ankle hurt!”

Video on Zach Gowen.

Zach Gowen vs. Shannon Moore

Matt Hardy, who is not afraid to eat alone in public and likes portabella mushrooms, is on commentary. Moore puts him on top and gets kicked in the face, followed by another kick for two. Matt: “I may be going out on a limb here, one limb in particular, but Zach Gowen doesn’t impress me as a wrestler.” A suplex into the corner takes Gowen down and it’s off to a chinlock.

Back up and a springboard kick to the face drops Moore, followed by a swinging neckbreaker. Hardy offers a distraction and Moore gets two off a rollup. Gowen grabs a DDT but Matt shoves Gowen off the top (the referee seems fine with the idea that Gowen just dove down onto his back for no apparent reason), setting up Shannon’s running flip neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: D. And that’s a Zach Gowen match: he does fairly impressive moves and the announcers talk about how amazing it is. It still has the exact same problem as always though: if you’ve seen it once, there’s not much appeal to seeing it again. Now that I’ve seen it for several months now, I’m really over it as the action is nothing above an independent level and the commentary beating the idea into my head gets really old.

Undertaker leaves Stephanie’s office and laughs.

No Mercy rundown. The card isn’t too bad but that double main event is death.

We recap the opening segment and Linda sneering still isn’t intimidating.

Chris Benoit/APA vs. Basham Brothers/A-Train

Hang on a second as the Bashams chair the APA down, leaving Faarooq down in the aisle and making this a handicap match. This must be the start of transitioning Faarooq out as it’s the second time in a few weeks where Bradshaw has wrestled and Faarooq hasn’t for one reason or another.

The double teaming is on with Bradshaw getting taken apart, including a Vader Bomb from A-Train as Faarooq is taken out. Danny grabs a chinlock but A-Train misses another splash, allowing the hot tag to Benoit. A-Train takes a German suplex and the Sharpshooter makes Danny tap but he’s not legal. The referee says no and it’s A-Train hitting the Derailer for the pin.

Rating: D+. I know I’ve said this a lot tonight but that’s another match where it went as you would expect. A-Train pinning Benoit when he had an advantage was fine, but it’s still setting up A-Train vs. Benoit on pay per view. This also seems to be setting up Bradshaw’s singles run and….egads.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Paul London

Paul, who is challenging, doesn’t even get an entrance. Brock actually says he respects London for coming out here but gets cut off by the YOU TAPPED OUT chants. He offers London a chance to look at the title, which he might get to hold himself one day. London does touch is and gets a hard clothesline as the beating begins in a hurry. Powerslams and a powerbomb set up the F5 to destroy London in less than ninety seconds. In case you didn’t get the idea when he did this to Gowen and Spanky earlier this year.

Post match Brock loads up the F5 into the post but Spanky runs out for the failed save attempt. Lesnar throws him back first into the post for a great looking bump. Cue Undertaker to say Stephanie has made their match at No Mercy a biker chain match. That’s all we hear and the announcers are left wondering what the heck that is. Good thing Undertaker decided he liked chains earlier in the night.

We look back at Big Show attacking Eddie earlier.

Chavo Guerrero leaves the trainer’s room and says Eddie is pretty banged up. He’s going to call Big Show out.

Post break Chavo is in the ring calling Show out. Here’s Show in a suit to say he’s hitting the town. Oh dear I’m scared of where this is going. Chavo says he’s chicken and that’s actually enough to get a match started. Who knew Big Show was a Marty McFly fan?

Big Show vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo rolls outside and it’s a countout at about forty five seconds.

Chavo isn’t done as he waves a sewage truck out with Eddie riding on the back. For some reason, Big Show stands in the ring which Eddie talks about his cousin bringing this truck to the arena. Eddie talks about the hose on the truck that you put in the ground to pull out all the….well you know. He’s going to spray it on Show, who FINALLY gets out of the ring and runs away, only to trip over a cord. Eddie sprays him down a few times and Big Show falls down multiple times to end the show. Counting the stuff before the break, this was the last fifteen minutes of the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh man that was awful. The show started with a fifteen minute McMahon summit and then ended with a fifteen minute segment built around spraying Big Show with human waste. In between, there was something about Undertaker discovering a love of chains, a battle rap, and some short squashes. That’s how they’re going to make us want to see a pay per view featuring the battling McMahons and something called a biker chain match. This was a total misfire and one of the worst Smackdowns I can ever remember.

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Smackdown
Date: October 2, 2003
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Somehow we’re less than three weeks away from No Mercy but as luck would have it we already have a double main event. In this case it’s Vince McMahon vs. his daughter Stephanie in an I Quit match and Brock Lesnar defending the Smackdown World Title against Undertaker. This isn’t exactly the most thrilling stuff in the world but guess which one is going to get the most attention. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

Opening sequence, still including Sean O’Haire. I don’t remember the last time he was even on this show.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Matt Hardy

Matt, who has had four speeding tickets but gotten out of over twenty of them, is challenging. Eddie is ticked off at Matt for injuring his ribs last week so the stomping is on in a hurry. A shoulder puts Matt down but bangs up Eddie’s ribs all over again. Eddie gets dropped ribs first onto the top rope and Matt starts in like a villain should.

Matt plants him with a powerbomb for two and the Side Effect gets the same. A bow and arrow hold is countered into a neckbreaker and Eddie gets a breather. Three Amigos connect as Tazz is talking about Mexican hockey teams. Matt is ready for the frog splash though and brings Eddie down with a superplex.

A neckbreaker cuts Eddie down again but Matt would rather distract Chavo, allowing Shannon to come in with a title. This is what happens when you let lackeys run wild. Naturally Eddie takes it away and throws the title to Matt while feigning innocence. The referee gets rid of that belt but Chavo hits Matt with the other one because cheating is a family business. The frog splash retains the title.

Rating: C+. The endings might be a bit unoriginal but you try turning down that grin. Eddie had so much charisma that it’s almost impossible to not like him at least on some level and that’s what worked so well here. I could watch Eddie do this stuff for hours and the wrestling working so well helped too. Eddie has been the best thing about the last several shows and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Video on Wrestlemania tickets going on sale.

John Cena got annoyed at Josh Matthews for talking about “dope rhymes”. Tonight, Cena puts Angle in his shadow.

Eddie and Chavo run into Big Show and ask him about him attacking Eddie last week. Show doesn’t like “Eddie’s kind”, but he does like Mexican food. He shoves Eddie down and Chavo isn’t happy with the lack of Latino heat. Eddie is going to take care of this Guerrero style.

APA vs. Basham Brothers

It’s a brawl to start and of course the APA gets the better of it, easily clearing out the ring. Faarooq beats both of them up on his own before it’s off to Bradshaw for chops and a Last Call on Doug. Shaniqua offers a distraction though and Danny posts Bradshaw to take over. As usual, Shaniqua comes off like the star of the team, completely defeating the purpose of her being out there. Bradshaw suplexes his way out of a chinlock and it’s back to Faarooq for the house cleaning. The referee gets bumped (In this match?) so Shaniqua kicks Bradshaw in the face, leaving Faarooq to take the Ball and Gag for the pin.

Rating: D. Again, I’d like to point out that I’m supposed to be interested in a team whose finishing move is called the Ball and Gag. There are times where a gimmick is going to kill yo before you can do anything else and that’s what’s happened with the Bashams. I have no idea why they spent so much time down in developmental to be given this treatment on the main roster, but it shows the disconnect between the two places.

Post match, Bradshaw hits Shaniqua with the Clothesline. Again: she’s treated like a more important deal than the team she’s managing.

Chris Benoit vs. Charlie Haas

A-Train is on commentary. As you might expect, it’s a grappling exchange to start with neither being able to get much of an advantage on the mat. Charlie’s hammerlock is reversed into a wristlock as A-Train rants about Benoit not being able to get him in the Crossface. Benoit headlocks him down and does it again when Charlie tries to get up. It’s too early for the Crossface though and Benoit is sent outside.

A-Train actually does something by offering a distraction, allowing Haas to baseball slide Benoit down. Haas starts in on the ribs with a gutbuster before a clothesline gets two. Something like an abdominal stretch with Benoit on the mat keeps the ribs in trouble as A-Train continues to have nothing interesting to say. Some kicks to the ribs set up a normal standard abdominal stretch as Benoit just can’t get anything going.

A single German suplex rocks Charlie but he takes Benoit right back down to continue the wrestling clinic. Benoit finally gets in a clothesline and the release German suplex is good for two. Haas is right back with a suplex of his own, dropping Benoit on his head in a scary landing. Not that it matters as Benoit slaps on the Crossface, drawing A-Train in for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Haas is someone who sticks to a game plan very well as his finisher works the ribs so he beats on the opponent’s ribs for the entire match. What’s not all well and good is A-Train talking. He looks like a monster and wrestles a monster style, but egads he doesn’t need to be out there talking. It’s just not something he’s good at and him saying these really lame limes for the whole match didn’t make me want to see them fight. Stick to what people are good at and stop trying to wedge them into places where they don’t fit.

Post match A-Train puts Benoit in a Crossface of his own.

Here are Vince and Sable for their weekly segment as Cole tries to explain why Vince vs. Stephanie is still going. Tazz thinks it’s all a way to get Stephanie to quit. What gave you that idea Tazz? All the times where he ordered her to quit? Vince talks about everyone needing an opportunity to be forgiven for making a mistake, which brings him to Stephanie. She needs to reverse her decision to have Brock Lesnar defend the title against Undertaker and then quit immediately.

Cue Stephanie (nearly falling out of her top the entire way) to say she won’t do either of those things. Vince ups the ante for No Mercy: when she quits, she’s out of a job too. Stephanie almost begs him not to make the match but Vince goes into a rant about how Stephanie is throwing away all the years of their relationship. He calls what she’s doing defiance and Stephanie starts getting what she considers emotional.

Sable reminds Vince of what he called Stephanie last week so Stephanie tells her to go lay on her back in the men’s locker room like she does best. The catfight is on until Vince slams Stephanie, who starts crying. Undertaker comes out for the save and kicks fellow invader Brock Lesnar in the face as more crying ensues.

So quick recap of this story: we’re supposed to be on the side of and feel sympathy for the rather good looking (and surgically enhanced) millionaire heiress who is being told to quit her vanity job by the father who caused her to be a millionaire heiress in the first place? Oh and after EVERYTHING that Vince has done to people over the years (and that Stephanie has done to people over the years for that matter), a single slam is supposed to be this big, devastating moment? And this is their best idea?

A very stereotypical Mexican delivery guy (complete with a brightly colored blanket and a sombrero with MEXICO written on it) shouts about a delivery of burritos for Eddie. Big Show intercepts them and eats one before spitting in another, which is especially for Eddie. The delivery guy has no issue with any of this.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is defending. Kidman accidentally runs into the referee to start (not something you see very often) but manages to hurricanrana the champ out to the floor. That means a big dive as things are starting fast. Back in and Kidman’s slingshot is countered with a kick to the shoulder and Tajiri takes over. Tajiri starts in on the arm with a hammerlock and some knees as Tazz talks about the importance of intensity.

Another kick to the shoulder set s up another hammerlock as this isn’t exactly what you would expect from Tajiri. Kidman comes back with an enziguri for two but Tajiri kicks him out of the air (that’s more like it) to take Kidman down again. The BK Bomb gets two and Kidman ducks the Buzzsaw Kick, only to get caught with a low blow. Now the Buzzsaw Kick connects to retain the title.

Rating: C. The arm work was a nice change for Tajiri and it made for a fun match. The cruiserweight division isn’t the most interesting in the world right now but at least the talent still around is putting on some good to very good matches. That being said, what in the world happened to Ultimo Dragon? He’s still doing dark matches and Velocity, but that might be a record for the fastest fall from grace I can remember in a long time. It was like two weeks.

Orlando Jordan vs. Big Show

Show comes to the ring holding his stomach and seems to have some issues after kicking Jordan in the ribs. A clothesline puts Jordan down but Show bails to the floor and takes the countout due to stomach issues. Cole after the countout: “The burritos having a negative effect on Big Show!” Thirty seconds later: “What is wrong with Big Show???”

Zach Gowen joins us live via satellite and says he’s tired of being asked how he’s doing. He knows wrestling is for him and he’s back in the ring next week.

We now join Big Show in the bathroom with various sound effects. Eddie comes in and admits that he spiked the burritos, knowing that Show would steal them. He also steals the toilet paper because COMEDY! So to recap: a few weeks ago, Eddie was in a great fight with Cena inside a ring of cars and then became a double champion. Now it’s toilet humor. Thanks for that WWE.

John Cena/Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle/Undertaker

Cena’s rap says he makes it ok to root for the villain and something about a man dressed as a woman. The fans remind Lesnar that he tapped out as Kurt and Cena start things off. Kurt takes him down without much effort and armdrags Cena into an armbar. One heck of a clothesline gives Angle two and it’s off to Undertaker. The arm cranking continues but Undertaker stops to swing at Lesnar.

The distraction lets Cena poke Angle in the eye and Kurt gets beaten down in the corner. A good looking backdrop puts Cena down though and we take a break. Back with Lesnar firing off shoulders to Kurt’s ribs in the corner as we’re firmly in the tag team formula. Lesnar stomps on Kurt and hits a gorilla press, only to have Angle grab a German suplex. Cena offers a distraction though and the referee misses the ensuing hot tag.

A Shell Shock of all things gives Brock two and a powerslam plants Kurt again. Somehow Kurt is right back up with the Angle Slam and it’s a double knockdown. That’s enough for the hot tag to Undertaker, who comes in with the running corner clotheslines. Brock is thrown to the floor (nearly landing on his head in the process) but still comes back in to break up the cover on Cena. There’s a spinebuster to Undertaker though and it’s back to Angle via the power of Olympic recovery skills. Suplexes a go-go have the villains reeling but Cena grabs the chain to knock Angle cold for the fast pin.

Rating: B-. Pretty solid main event tag here as I’m always a fan of combining two feuds into one for an easy match like this. Cena pinning Angle is the right call as Angle showed he’s dominant with wrestling and playing by the rules but loses when Cena cheats. Undertaker being all fired up doesn’t do much for me but it’s all we’ve got for a co-main event right now.

Post match Lesnar loads up the F5 to put Undertaker through the table but gets reversed, setting a chokeslam through said table to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a show where the wrestling was completely acceptable for the majority of the show but the stuff outside of the matches was dreadful. I mean, spiked burritos and OH NO VINCE MCMAHON DID A WRESTLING MOVE??? We’re coming up on a pretty weak pay per view with the battling McMahons as the real main event but the rest of the show isn’t exactly thrilling either. At least the TV is watchable, which is more than can be said about the episodes of Raw leading up to Unforgiven.

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