Royal Rumble 2003
Date: January 19, 2003
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,338
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

To say a lot has changed in the last year is a huge understatement. We have the Brand Split now and there are two world titles. That brings us to the part of this show that is most remembered: the world title matches. We have HHH defending the Raw Title in one of the worst matches ever, followed by Angle defending the Smackdown Title in one of the best matches ever. Also Brock Lesnar is here and has taken Smackdown by storm. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about what you would expect it to be: thirty men wanting to go to Wrestlemania.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

The loser is out of the Rumble. Big Show has Heyman with him, which I’m sure makes him the best wrestler EVER right? Show won the title from Lesnar at Survivor Series after Heyman turned on Brock in one of those matches where they were backed into a corner out of their own stupidity. Show shoves him around to start so Brock snaps off a belly to belly suplex to fire up the crowd.

There’s a second suplex and Show is in trouble early. Lesnar loads up a third but Show grabs him by the throat and shoves him to the floor. Show throws Lesnar around the ring which looks awesome when you consider Brock is a massive dude. Lesnar avoids a charge in the corner and hits a release German suplex for two.

A big boot slows Brock down and a side slam looks to set up the chokeslam. Brock kind of rolls through it into a two count, followed by another belly to belly. Heyman gets dragged in but Show saves him from an F5. The chokeslam gets two as Heyman is losing his mind. Show gets rammed into Heyman and the F5 sends Brock to the Rumble.

Rating: C+. As intricate as modern wrestling has become, there’s something to be said about having two big guys get out there and throw each other around for five minutes. The power displays here made the fans gasp which is the right idea. At the end of the day, wrestling is a spectacle and having larger than life characters doing larger than life things is a surefire idea. This wasn’t so much good as it was fun, which is the right choice for an opener.

Jericho says he’ll win the Rumble.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Regal and Storm are defending and Regal is STILL doing the brass knuckles thing. Storm and Ray get things going with Lance working on the arm, only to get powered down with ease. Bubba hits one of his LOUD chops in the corner and takes Storm down with a kind of chokebomb. In something I’ve never seen him do otherwise, Bubba hooks a standing Figure Four. Actually I can’t think of anyone who has ever used that.

Off to D-Von for a dropkick (what’s gotten into the Dudleys tonight?) and here’s Regal to get slammed down immediately. The champs double team D-Von down and we get into the standard tag team formula. Storm takes D-Von to the mat and it’s off to Regal for a front facelock. Lance comes back in with a cravate into a sleeper as this continues to meander along.

D-Von rolls Storm away and makes the tag to Bubba who speeds things up. The guy has emotion if nothing else. A big running splash in the corner crushes both champions and a side slam gets two on Storm. The American hits a German on the Canadian for two, followed by a spear to the Englishman. The Bubba Bomb gets two on Lance and Regal takes What’s Up. A double flapjack (stupid fans: “3D!”) gets two on Storm and here’s Chief of Staff Sean Morely. Regal finds the brass knuckles but walks into the 3D. D-Von hits Storm with the knuckles for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. This didn’t work for me. It felt like a Raw match that was trying to be a PPV match but never got near the hump they were trying to get over. The ending was stupid on top of that, as they had Regal beaten with the 3D, so why use the knuckles? Also it didn’t help that Bubba single handedly beat up the tag champions for about two minutes straight. Bad match.

Lawler on that match: “I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.” What is WITH the announcers and their similies/metaphors in this company?

Nathan Jones is coming. Oh geez.

We recap the Torrie vs. Dawn feud. This is one of those stories where you look at it in awe and wonder what they were thinking. Dawn Marie (a gorgeous Diva) fell in love with and married Torrie’s fifty something year old dad Al Wilson, then screwed him to death (literally) on their honeymoon. There was some lesbianism (as in kissing on screen and unfilmed other stuff) involved which was there to tease the audience and wasn’t bad at all. This is supposed to be a stepmother vs. stepdaughter match. Again, I have no idea what this was supposed to accomplish.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Dawn comes to the ring in a veil because she’s in mourning. Torrie gets blasted in the face to start before spearing Dawn down and things get sloppy. Marie tries an armbar because we need some wrestling in this I guess. Torrie gets beaten on for a bit until they collide and hit the mat. Dawn hits a springboard spinning clothesline for no cover, giving us the highlight of the match. Torrie hits a neckbreaker out of nowhere for the win.

Rating: D-. Anything with these two in those outfits can’t be considered a failure, but at the end of the day, there is no real defending this match in the slightest. It was HORRIBLE and the story was borderline insulting to my intelligence, but the girls looked good and I guess that was the whole point. Why not just have a regular match if you want to is beyond me, but it’s 2003 so what do you expect?

Stephanie seems to hit on some young guy in the back when Eric comes up to trade some weak trash talk. They’re both GM’s at this point. Stephanie has a bombshell for Smackdown which would wind up being Hogan. They argue over money or blood being more important and nothing goes anywhere. That young guy by the way? Randy Orton.

House show ads, including one for 7pm on a Monday night.

Sean O’Haire as the Devil’s Advocate promo. Sweet goodness this could have been HUGE.

Nathan Jones is STILL coming. Seriously did we need that twice in 30 minutes?

We recap HHH vs. Scott Steiner as I begin to take deep breaths. HHH was giving a promo about how awesome he was when Steiner interrupted and demanded a title shot. This led to a series of contests like pushups and bench presses which went nowhere. Note that Steiner hadn’t actually had a match in WWE up to this point. I wonder why.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Scott Steiner

HHH has red trunks on here for some reason. He mixed them up every now and then and rarely did the other colors work. Stick with basic black Game. Hebner brings them to the middle for instructions which is ultra rare stuff. Steiner wins an early slugout and pounds on the champion in the corner. A gorilla press sends HHH to the floor and Steiner pounds away with those weird looking overhand punches of his.

Steiner suplexes him back in for two and works on the back some more. An elbow to the face puts HHH down and there’s an appropriate Boston Crab. HHH powers out of it and hits the facebuster but Steiner no sells it. There’s a bear hug which is quickly broken but Steiner snaps off an overhead belly to belly (1) for two. Flair saves HHH from being put in the Steiner Recliner and Steiner charges into a boot in the corner to finally change the momentum.

We head to the floor again where Scott goes into the steps. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled with this so far but they’ve still got time to crank it up a bit. Flair chokes away with his jacket and HHH hits his second neckbreaker in about 30 seconds for two. Since we didn’t allido it properly the first time, Flair chokes away even more. A Pedigree attempt is countered into a slingshot into the buckle. Steiner looks like he’s going through labor.

An overhead suplex (2) puts HHH down and I kid you not: Steiner FALLS DOWN due to exhaustion. He’s clearly sucking wind and HHH didn’t touch him at all. Speaking of HHH, he counters a tombstone attempt into a….I think it was supposed to be the third neckbreaker in about 90 seconds but Steiner took it wrong, causing it to look like a cutter where he fell backwards instead of forwards. That gets two and the fans are starting to boo.

HHH is loudly calling spots to try to salvage this before he hits a vertical suplex. For no apparent reason he goes up and jumps into a belly to belly (3). Steiner can barely punch so he settles for some clotheslines. There’s an overhead belly to belly (4) and an overhead belly to belly (5) and an overhead belly to belly (6). The fans are openly booing Steiner now. His response? To hold HHH’s hair while HHH rams his own head into the buckles (seriously, Steiner clearly isn’t even pushing) and to hit a spinning belly to belly (7) for two and even more booing.

Steiner tries a butterfly powerbomb and literally falls backwards as he does it, causing HHH to land on Steiner’s knees. The fans groan at the sight of this so HHH goes up top to get superplexed down. He’s handing these spots to Steiner. THANKFULLY HHH tries to walk out but Steiner won’t have it, because WE HAVE TO KEEP GOING. Steiner blasts HHH with the belt to bust him open to try to get the fans to care but the match is long past salvageable at this point.

Back in and Steiner hits ANOTHER belly to belly (8), causing the fans to get MAD. They’re not annoyed, they’re not wanting a new champion, they want Steiner to get out of their ring now. HHH tries to get counted out but Steiner goes after him AGAIN. Back in and Steiner does the pushups to tick off the fans even more as Flair is BEGGING the referee to stop the match.

Now HHH throws the referee to the floor but HEBNER WON’T STOP IT. I mean he pulls his arm up to ring the bell but stops and says keep it going. Steiner hits the NINTH belly to belly suplex (9) of the match for two so HHH hits him low and grabs a fast rollup for two. HHH finally gives up and hits Steiner with the sledgehammer for the DQ.

Rating: H. As in HHH, who I feel sorry for here. Now everyone knows I’m no fan of the guy in 2003, but he was in a HORRIBLE situation here. HHH was trying to keep this a coherent match, but Steiner was beyond worthless here, causing the match to sink to levels far below what any other main event “talent” would be capable of. After about seven minutes (out of eighteen), Steiner stopped doing anything resembling trying to have a match and was just doing suplexes.

Remember that back stuff he did at the beginning? Completely forgotten. Did you see him try his finisher? Not even once. He somehow managed a belly to belly suplex every two minutes, despite being on defense for a good third of the match. This was absolutely horrible and quite possibly the worst world title match I can EVER remember, which is covering a lot of ground.

Post match, Steiner beats up HHH and Flair with the hammer, which gets SYMPATHY from the fans. HHH is getting SYMPATHY from a crowd. Think about that for a minute. And what’s worse: THEY HAD A REMATCH! Oh and there’s the Steiner Recliner to absolutely nothing positive from the crowd at all. Bischoff has to come get Steiner off HHH.

We cut to Cole and Tazz and even MICHAEL FREAKING COLE has a look on his face as if to say “WOW that was an abomination.”

We recap Benoit vs. Angle. Angle won the title from Big Show at Armageddon thanks to Lesnar before revealing that he hired Paul Heyman to be his new manager. Heyman said anyone could get a shot other than Brock Lesnar and brought in Team Angle (Haas and Benjamin) to protect Kurt during a knee injury. Benoit won a title shot over Big Show to set this up.

Smackdown World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Team Angle is immediately ejected to make sure it’s one on one. Benoit grabs a headlock to start before trying the Sharpshooter to send Angle to the floor. Back in and Angle goes for the ankle but gets dropkicked away. Benoit grabs a kind up reverse Figure Four but Angle grabs the rope. This is all holds/counter holds so far. Benoit gets sent shoulder first into the post followed by an Angle suplex for two.

They chop it out with Benoit taking over and hitting a reverse clothesline to take Angle down. Angle drops Benoit across the top rope but gets guillotined down by the Canadian. They head to the apron with Benoit DDTing him down onto the side of the ring. The champion has a busted nose now. Back in and the Swan Dive misses but Benoit rolls out of the Angle Slam. There’s the Sharpshooter to Angle who eventually gets to a rope. A belly to back suplex gets two for Chris but Angle snaps off an overhead belly to belly (just one so far).

Back to the floor where Benoit gets dropped onto the barricade to further mess with his head. Off to a rear naked choke back inside so Kurt can overly loudly call some spots. Angle catches Benoit in another belly to belly followed by a belly to back for two. Back to the chinlock for a bit until a double clothesline puts both guys down. Benoit rolls some Germans but so does Angle. And people wonder why their necks were held together by tape.

Benoit gets the final German but Angle runs the ropes to hit the belly to belly off the top to put both guys down. That gets two but the Angle Slam is countered into the Crossface. Angle gets the rope, so Benoit shifts to an ankle lock. Angle reverses into one of his own and now Benoit is in trouble. Benoit goes to kick off but instead grabs another Crossface. Kurt counters into a rollup but Benoit put the Crossface on the other (right) arm this time. Angle stands up and hits the Angle Slam but can’t immediately cover.

Angle takes the straps down but another German attempt is countered into a rollup for two. They trade HARD Germans until Benoit hooks a release German to put both guys down. Before anyone asks, the difference between this and the previous match with the suplexes is how hard these are. Steiner looked like he was at a dance recital but here they look like they’re trying to kill one another. Not to mention there’s OTHER STUFF in between the suplexes.

Benoit hits the longest diving headbutt you’ll EVER see, but he can’t cover because of his head getting jarred like that. Angle counters the Crossface into a reverse powerbomb onto the buckle. The Angle Slam gets a VERY close two as the crowd is losing their minds. Back to the Crossface but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock. Benoit rolls over but can’t break the hold. He kicks Kurt off but Angle goes right back to the hold. Benoit keeps trying to kick him off but Angle hooks the grapevine and Benoit has to tap.

Rating: A+. That’s your match of the year right there people. Oh wait according to Meltzer there was some match in Japan that no one but him ever saw and that has to be better than this right? Anyway, these two DESTROYED each other with some absolutely amazing counters and awesome sequences out there while suplexing the tar out of each other. This both guy’s best match ever, and that’s saying A LOT.

Benoit gets a standing ovation, showing that he was ready to be world champion. Naturally that’s why he had to wait fifteen months to get the title, because the world was BEGGING for another Steiner match, the Nash feud with HHH, and the Goldberg run of doom. Ok Goldberg I can live with but the other two? Screw that.

Van Dam and Kane say they’ll knock each other out to win the Rumble.

Royal Rumble

The intervals are two minutes if you listen to Fink and 90 seconds if you listen to JR. There are fifteen Raw guys and fifteen Smackdown guys this year which would be the norm for a few years to come. Shawn gets #1 and Jericho gets #2, but it’s Christian playing the role of Jericho at the entrance, allowing Jericho to sneak in from behind and jump Shawn. Jericho hits Shawn low and starts the beat down before getting a chair to crack Shawn open.

Chris Nowitski is #3 and he’s perfectly fine with letting Jericho maul Shawn. Jericho easily dumps Shawn, setting up their classic at Wrestlemania. Nowitski isn’t in the ring yet. Rey Mysterio (still pretty new here) is #4 as things speed up a lot. A springboard dropkick and rana take Jericho down but Nowitski gets in as well….or not as he slid back out. Rey escapes a gorilla press and dropkicks Jericho into the ropes, only to get jumped by Nowitski.

Edge is #5 for a big pop. He would have been world champion by summer if he hadn’t hurt his neck. Jericho is sent into the post and Nowitski is knocked down, allowing the two good guys to pound away on each other while both miss finishers. A springboard rana by Rey is countered into a sitout powerbomb and Christian is #6. He hugs his brother but Edge spears him down out of common sense. Nowitski tries to dump Edge and Rey but gets caught by a “double” dropkick (read as Mysterio hit him but Edge completely missed and landed on Chris after he was already down).

The Bronco Buster hits Nowitski and Chavo is #7. He immediately takes Rey down but gets caught in a 619. Rey drops the dime on Chavo and hits a 619 on Christian. He tries a springboard rana on Christian but lands on Nowitski and takes him to the floor in the process. Jericho puts Mysterio out, leaving us with Jericho, Edge, Christian and Chavo at the moment. You can add Tajiri at #8 to that list.

Christian gets the tar kicked out of him and Chavo gets put in a spinning backbreaker. Not bad for the first twenty seconds for Tajiri. Bill DeMott is #9 and no one cares. At this point, he had been a Tough Enough trainer and his gimmick was that the rookies had ticked him off so much that he was basically a sociopath. I’ve heard of worse. Tommy Dreamer is #10 and he brings some toys with him.

There are too many people in the ring at the moment. Edge gets in some kendo stick shots on DeMott for an elimination. Christian and Jericho hit Dreamer with trashcan lids in a modified Conchairto for another elimination. Tajiri elbows both guys down but tries the Tarantula on Jericho and gets dumped as a result. B2, as in Bull Buchanan as Cena’s ex-lackey, is #11. Edge knocks out Chavo as the ring is thinning out nicely.

Jericho gets sent over the top but skins the cat and pulls out Edge and Christian in the process. Jericho is busted open but he’s left all alone in the ring. RVD is #12 and man alive do the fans love him. They slug it out for a bit with Van Dam hitting a slingshot to send Jericho to the apron but not out. Matt Hardy (who strongly dislikes mustard) is #13. The heels (as in those not named RVD) double team the good guy (as in those named RVD) but Jericho is too weak to do much and Matt kind of sucks so Van Dam takes them down.

There’s a Five Star to Jericho and Eddie is #14. He pounds away on Van Dam as well and hits a Frog Splash of his own, only to walk into a Twist of Fate from Matt. Jeff Hardy is #15 and Matt tries an alliance, only to get kicked in the gut. Jeff throws Matt to the apron but Matt’s MF’er Shannon Moore prevents the elimination. There’s the Twist of Fate to Matt but Shannon covers up Matt from the Swanton. Jeff just dives on both of them and Rosey of 3 Minute Warning is #16.

Absolutely nothing of note happens here so Test with Stacy is #17. He cleans house until John Cena is #18 with a rap for us. He manages to rhyme “Explain it to ya” with Wrestlemania so I’m impressed. He spends forever rapping until Van Dam throws him inside. The ring is way too full again. After Cena is in the ring for about eight seconds, Charlie Haas is #19. Van Dam and Jeff slug it out until Jeff goes up top like an IDIOT and gets shoved out. He would burn out and leave the company in about three months anyway.

Eddie walks the buckles and hits a rana on Jericho as Rikishi is #20, giving us Jericho, Van Dam, Matt, Eddie, Rosey, Test, Cena, Haas and Rikishi. Again that’s too many people. Rosey and Rikishi square off but nothing happens. Instead they team up and beat up Matt and Shannon because they can, until Rosey clotheslines the heck out of Rikishi. Jamal of 3 Minute Warning (you know him better as Umaga) is #21.

Rikishi superkicks Jamal down almost immediately and there’s a Stinkface for him. Kane is #22 and I think we have eleven people in there at the moment. He cleans as much house as you can clean with that many people in there before FINALLY putting someone out in the form of Rosey. Jericho gets thrown to the apron but hangs on. Shelton Benjamin is #23 and Team Angle starts taking over. Booker T is #24 and we DESPERATELY need someone to clear some guys out.

Booker immediately kicks Kane down and fires up a Spinarooni to a BIG pop. Eddie gets backdropped out and Booker pounds on Rikishi. A-Train (Albert/Tensai) is #25 and the hometown boy gets to beat up a lot of people in a hurry. Shawn Michaels runs in with a bandage on his head and goes after Jericho, causing Test to dump Jericho out. See, that way it’s legal.

Maven from Tough Enough (finally with actual trunks) is #26. He goes right for Kane like an idiot and gets punched in the face for his efforts. Goldust is #27 and he barely makes it 45 seconds before Haas and Benjamin put him out. Booker goes off on Haas in the corner but gets thrown out by Team Angle as well. He would get the world title shot at HHH as a consolation prize.

Big Dave Batista is #28 and you can hear the fans react to him. The first guy he hits? John Cena. It’s always cool to see the future in there like that. Test takes him down with a full nelson slam but Batista low bridges him for the elimination. Batista takes down Rikishi with a spinebuster before clotheslining him out. At least the ring is clearing out a bit. Brock Lesnar is #29 and is the odds on favorite to win this thing.

Brock immediately eliminates Team Angle by himself before F5ing Matt on top of them. A-Train hits a bicycle kick to take Batista down as Undertaker is #30 to a big ovation. The final grouping: Van Dam, Cena, Jamal, Kane, A-Train, Maven, Batista, Lesnar and Undertaker. Drop Maven and A-Train and that’s a pretty stacked field. To the shock of no one paying attention, Taker is returning here. There’s a 9 hour DVD of matches and moments where Undertaker returns easily.

Taker punches everyone and dumps Cena and Jamal with ease. Maven dropkicks Taker in the back and celebrates, earning himself a chokeslam. The elimination is academic. A-Train hits the chokebomb on Taker to finally slow him down as Kane chokeslams Lesnar. Kane and Van Dam, the Raw tag champions, start teaming up to beat people up but A-Train takes them both down. Van Dam saves Kane from a backbreaker and the champs double clothesline Albert out.

Kane tells Van Dam to let him pick Van Dam up and drop him on Batista, but Kane turns (not heel) on Van Dam to throw RVD out. We’re down to Lesnar, Undertaker, Kane and Batista which is awesome by today’s standards. Taker and Lesnar have a showdown but the other two guys break it up. Taker pounds away on Batista in a preview of the feud of the year in 2007.

A big spinebuster puts Taker down and Lesnar fights off the two Raw (Batista/Kane) guys. There’s an F5 for Kane and NOW we get Taker vs. Brock. They slug it out and after Taker says big boot, he hits a big boot to take Brock’s head off. The F5 is escaped but there’s a tombstone for Brock. A clothesline casually puts Batista out to get us down to three. Taker teases an alliance with Kane but dumps him as well. He has to knock away an invading Batista and Brock dumps Undertaker to go to Wrestlemania.

Rating: B-. Good but definitely not great Rumble here. You could see the next generation in the blocks but the problem is they were just that: the NEXT generation. Taker was the only possible winner here other than Brock and that’s a recipe for a bad Rumble. You need more than one candidate for the Rumble and as soon as Lesnar’s music hit, it was clear who was winning this.

Taker says go win the title but he wants the first shot. Brock says ok to end the show. Did we need that?

Overall Rating: C-. The problem with this show is that the excellent match on the card is brought down by the HORRENDOUS match just before it. The Rumble is good but it isn’t good enough to save an otherwise bad card. The show isn’t terrible, but it’s a sign of things to come for this year, especially with HHH on the Raw side. Not much to see here other than Benoit vs. Angle of course. HHH vs. Steiner is only worth seeing if you want to see a trainwreck.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

Redo: C+

Dudley Boys vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Original: C

Redo: D

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie

Original: DD

Redo: D-

Scott Steiner vs. HHH

Original: G-

Redo: H (As in HHH)

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: B

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C-

I’m not sure what I was thinking the first time. The show just isn’t that good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2003-best-match-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 12, 2015
Location: Smoothie King Center, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Booker T., John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

We’re back in the same building as the excellent post Wrestlemania Raw and the big story is what happens to the three guys (Ziggler, Ryback and Rowan) who were fired last week. The Authority is running roughshod on the company all over again and the question is will Cena be able to focus on his war against the team and get the title back from Lesnar at the Royal Rumble. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Authority’s return to Raw last week (after being on the show the previous week) and firing Erick Rowan, Dolph Ziggler and Ryback to end the show, followed by a major celebration for John Cena.

Here’s Cena to open the show. He doesn’t seem all that upset after costing three people their jobs last week. Cena talks about how New Orleans is about having a good time, even though the Authority is back in power. He can’t believe he works for two people who got their jobs back because their whipping boy held a Hall of Famer hostage and made Cena gamble with his health. That’s the same decision he would make every time though because it’s the right thing.

HHH is a first ballot Hall of Famer and one of the best of all time but he’s only going to be remembered as a slimy villain who wants to make us all miserable. Last week the Authority fired three men so Cena has to appeal to the audience. Did any of them deserve to be fired? Do the fans want to see them back tonight? Cena asks us to to go on social media and use the hashtag Authoritysucks to voice their opinions.

However, Cena has a backup plan: win the WWE World Heavyweight Title at the Royal Rumble. As soon as he can say THE CHAMP IS HERE, is the very moment that he can say you can’t see me. He’ll win the championship and go home until those three guys are rehired, or else this show’s most coveted prize is going away and won’t be at Wrestlemania.

This brings out the Authority with smirks on their faces. Stephanie laughs off the Authoritysucks bit and says the three guys will be thrilled to see Cena win the title and walk away. HHH expected more than seeing Cena take his ball and go home. He recaps Survivor Series again and talks about how the Authority was gone, but now they’ve found a way back in. A hero wouldn’t turn his back on WWE, but the Authority is going to give Cena another chance.

HHH polls the audience about bringing the three guys back and, upon hearing an affirmative reply, asks Cena how much he wants those three back. All Cena has to do to get their jobs back is win his match tonight. Cena asks how many guys he’s up against tonight but HHH says it’s nothing that complicated. It’s a one on one match with Seth Rollins but they’re going to make it a lumberjack match to keep things fair. Here come the lumberjacks because the match starts right now.

John Cena vs. Seth Rollins

We have Big Show, Kane, Cesaro and pretty much every other heel on the roster as lumberjacks. Rollins stomps him down to start and throws Cena to the floor for the traditional beating. A clothesline puts Rollins on the floor and he isn’t touched as we go to a break. Exactly as you would expect so far, meaning it’s time to crank it up in a few minutes when the NCAA National Championship game starts.

Back with Cena in trouble after Barrett tripped him during the break. Booker is calling this whole situation unfair as he’s the good guy commentator. The ProtoBomb sets up the Shuffle and the AA but the Stooges get on the apron, allowing Rollins to get outside. Cena dives onto the pile of lumberjacks and Fandango is holding his knee. I’ll let you make your own dancing jokes. Back in and Cena covers for two, only to eat the low superkick for the same. Seth goes up top and counters a superplex attempt into an across the ring buckle bomb for two. That kind of power out of Rollins always surprises me.

Cena tries a pop up powerbomb but doesn’t get under Rollins enough, making it look more like a spinebuster. Seth flips out of the AA and hits a standing Sliced Bread #2 for another near fall. There’s another AA but the lumberjacks (including Fandango who seems to be fine) pull Cena to the floor for a beating, including the Cesaro Swing into the barricade. Back in and the Curb Stomp is countered into the STF but Kane pulls Rollins’ arm towards the ropes. It turns into a tug of war over Rollins but Big Show pulls Cena to the floor for the KO Punch, giving Rollins the pin at 13:50.

Rating: B. This worked well but I’m really tired of seeing these two fight. In the span of less than a month, they’ve now had a regular match, a tables match, a cage match and a lumberjack match. That should be at least four months worth of matches but we’re getting it in four weeks. They’ve done the same thing with Ambrose vs. Wyatt and it’s having the same result: it’s really hard to care about what we’re seeing because they just had another big match a week or so ago.

The Usos are in Stephanie’s office when Dean Ambrose comes in. All three of them had some negative things to say on Smackdown about the firings. That’s fine and there are no firings. The Usos go to leave, but Stephanie stops them and asks Jimmy to tell Naomi that she’s competing with one arm behind her back tonight. As for Dean, he checked himself out of the hospital last week so he might be a danger to himself. Therefore, tonight he has to pass a psychiatric evaluation or he’s out of the Rumble. This has some potential if they do it right.

Miz talks about his close friend George Clooney winning the Cecil B. DeMille Award last night at the Golden Globes. Keep it up and he’ll win a Slammy.

It’s already time for the evaluation. Dean thinks he’s here because he’s been a “bad widdle boy.” Ambrose is freaked out by the doctor’s ticking clock and we go to a break. I love watching Dean be one step off and being all twitchy. It makes him seem like a more well rounded character instead of someone who was created in a board room to make sure he’s the best corporate character they can put together.

New Day vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd

It’s Kofi and Woods in action here with Big E. and Adam Rose on the floor. Cesaro and Kidd attacked Big E. last week because New Day is just too positive all the time. So they’re just curmudgeons? I approve of this gimmick. Kofi starts with Cesaro but Kidd gets a blind tag and kicks Kofi in the chest.

Cesaro stomps away and swings Kofi into the dropkick for two. Back up and Kofi kicks everyone down to the floor before diving over to Woods for the hot tag. The Honor Roll (flipping clothesline) drops Kidd and Cesaro gets low bridged to the floor. Rose gets on the apron but his distraction doesn’t work, allowing Woods to plant him with a backbreaker, followed by a top rope double stomp from Kofi for the pin at 3:48.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here and I’m liking the fact that New Day keeps winning, as long as their first loss isn’t something totally meaningless that ends with “oh, they lost.” Speaking of losing, it’s very frustrating to see Cesaro and Kidd put together for a team, just to see them job every time. Have they actually won a match yet?

We get a barrage of wrestlers doing their best OH YEAH in honor of Randy Savage being “expected” to be inducted into the Hall of Fame tonight. Above all else, I want Xavier Woods’ NES controller hat.

The Indianapolis Colts celebrates their win yesterday like Ric Flair.

Here’s Big Show for a chat. Whoever said that all men are created equal was obviously not a giant. Most of you were probably scared on your first day of work. On his first day, he beat Hulk Hogan for the World Title. The fans chant boring but Big Show laughs them off and calls everyone losers. Competition is supposed to be good for America, but no one wants competition at work. Everyone here would stab someone in the back for job security, just like he did to Cena.

That brings him to Roman Reigns, who he doesn’t see as competition. He sees Reigns like the New York Knicks, currently on a 15 game losing streak. Show is going to knock him into the front row next to Spike Lee (longtime Knicks fan) and make him a loser. Therefore, if you like Roman Reigns, you’re a loser as well.

Cue Reigns for the big brawl but Show walks out. Reigns thought he wasn’t a threat so why is Show leaving? Roman says he doesn’t want Show’s spot, but he does remember that first title win over Hogan. He was twelve years old or so and that makes him think of a story. A long time ago in a land far away, there was a little boy named Roman Reigns. It’s the story of Jack and the Beanstalk but Roman hit the giant in the mouth. The giant ran away, and that’s why Big Show is the loser.

Roman Reigns vs. Luke Harper

This has potential. Harper hammers away in the corner to start but Reigns knocks him to the floor as we take a break less than a minute in. Back with Reigns hitting a knee lift and raking Harper’s face across the rope. Three straight suplex attempts are blocked and Roman counters into a kind of Jackhammer. Someone really should use that as their finisher again. Harper dropkicks him out to the floor and sends Reigns hard into the steps. Back in and Harper busts out a freaking slingshot hilo for two. That’s not something a guy his size should be able to do.

Reigns comes back with a neckbreaker but Harper rips the face to break up the Samoan drop. Luke’s powerbomb is countered into something like the ProtoBomb. The Superman Punch is loaded up but Big Show throws a chair at Reigns. Naturally, that isn’t a DQ because wrestling rules as made up depending on the situation. A Boss Man Slam gets two for Harper but he turns into the Superman Punch. Show interferes again and Harper nails a superkick for two. The discus lariat misses though and a spear puts Harper away at 10:46.

Rating: B-. Luke Harper is a freaking STAR. He wrestles like someone Shawn Michaels’ size but has the look and size of a monster. Why aren’t we gearing up for a showdown between Harper and Reigns with Big Show being the cannon fodder? For reasons I will never understand, it looks like we’re not getting Show vs. Reigns (well, the blowoff at least as we’ve seen them fight twice already) until Fast Lane. That’s our reward for sticking with this show.

We recap the lumberjack match.

Miz talks about Boyhood winning Best Picture at the Golden Globes. It was filmed over several years with the same actors. Mizdow has been doing the same thing at Miz’s house, allowing him to film a movie called Manhood. Both guys shudder a bit.

Naomi vs. Alicia Fox

Naomi has one arm behind her back. Fox makes fun of her by trying a test of strength before getting two off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. She cranks on the good arm until Naomi takes her to the floor for some rams into the apron. Back in and the ax kick gives Fox the pin at 2:37. This would be the match where you’re hit over the head with how mean the Authority is because you’re not smart enough to understand a concept without it being shown to you over and over.

Back to the evaluation, where Dean is going to look at pictures and saying the first word that comes to his mind. “THURSDAY!”

HHH – Irritable bowel syndrome

Rollins – Scumbag

Reigns – Brotha

Kane – Toothpaste

Duggan – HO!

Stephanie – HO!

Minor note here: Ambrose was bouncing up and down during the interview. It’s the little stuff like that which takes people to a new level. Instead of just sitting there waiting for his line, he’s actually doing something and staying in character. It feels so much more natural than the stiff and scripted stuff we usually get.

Here are Lesnar and Heyman for the first time in a few weeks. Heyman talks about being in New Orleans several months back, where we witnessed the Streak dying. Lesnar isn’t one to live in the past, but if he was, he would list off all of his accomplishments. No man has ever been NCAA, UFC and WWE Champion, but one beast has. Heyman however loves to live in the past and runs down the fans for being crushed when the Streak ended.

On the other hand, you have this fantasy in WWE of “then, now and forever.” The fantasy was the Streak running forever or that the Ce-Nation will rise above Lesnar at the Royal Rumble. Now the idea is that Rollins is the future of the WWE, but tonight Lesnar will see both challengers face to face.

More people give us their OH YEAHS with Miz knocking it out of the park and Nikki trying to make it sexy.

Jey Uso vs. Miz

Miz hits his running clothesline in the corner to start but jumps into a shot to the ribs. Jey loads up a slam and Mizdow comes in to slam himself off the top. The partners get involved in a tug of war, allowing Miz to grab a quick Skull Crushing Finale for the pin at 2:09. This feud needs to end like a month ago.

Here’s Daniel Bryan in the city where he won the World Title at Wrestlemania XXX. Bryan thinks something big happened here the last time he was in New Orleans. It slowly starts coming back to him that he won the main event of Wrestlemania XXX, which isn’t bad for a lumberjack looking B+ player. Since this is the city of his greatest accomplishment, he should declare his intention to do it all over again and win the main event of Wrestlemania XXXI.

This brings out Stephanie with a copy of her fitness DVD for Bryan, complete with a mini commercial. Bryan isn’t interested so Stephanie talks about making history at Wrestlemania XXX a couple of miles from here (the buildings are actually adjacent), but this is what she remembers. We see a clip of Kane tombstoning Bryan on the floor, steps and table. Stephanie says an A+ player not only wins the big one but stays on top.

She isn’t sure if he’s ready to do this again, but YES of course he is. Bryan: “Go ahead and raise your arms. I bet it’s a better workout than you get on that DVD. HO!” He’s an average Joe who will never stop fighting. They will never stop fighting. We will never stop fighting and go through Wrestlemania XXXI until they prove the Authority wrong again. Stephanie says Bryan’s first match back will be on Smackdown (this was already announced) against Kane. The monster comes out and the fight is on, but Bryan fights out of a tombstone on the steps and hammers away on Kane. He even busts out the Flying Goat.

Rollins is in the back when Lesnar comes up to mock the idea of Rollins winning the title. Seth stares him down and says he’s the future, but Lesnar says the future starts when he says it does. Heyman thinks maybe they can get rid of Cena together and then the best man wins. He looks very nervous about Rollins, who has stared Lesnar down the entire time. For the first time, I saw that real star power in Rollins from this one exchange. Simple but perfect.

Brie Bella vs. Paige

Natalya, Kidd and Nikki are at ringside. Paige goes right at her to start but gets sent into the buckle, allowing Brie to hit the middle rope dropkick. Paige fights out of a chinock but Kidd gets on the apron for a distraction, allowing Brie to roll her up for the pin at 2:10.

After the match, Paige slaps Kidd and Natalya doesn’t seem to mind. I love Paige, but I fully support anyone wearing a cat shirt.

We look back at last week’s ambulance match.

Bray Wyatt says thirty souls enter the Royal Rumble and 29 will have to realize that they’re not in Wonerland any longer. Some will laugh, some will cry but some will sit in silence at how Bray changes the world. No one on earth will be immune to his wrath. Run.

We finally have it confirmed: Randy Savage is the first entrant of the Hall of Fame Class of 2015. He will be inducted by Hulk Hogan.

Ascension vs. ???/???

Konor takes #1 into the corner to start as JBL is ripping on the jobbers again. Booker and Cole are a bit nicer and say they have to fight whoever they’re put up against and that they’ve won every match they’ve had so far. Fall of Man ends #2 at 1:20.

Ambrose is now counciling the doctor and gets his approval on the papers to stay in the Rumble. As soon as the papers are signed and the doctor is still crying, Ambrose calls him a spineless, gutless pile of cow waste. This really could have been a better comedy idea but it wasn’t bad.

Here are Lana and Rusev to thank the Authority for firing Ryback before the showdown tonight. They also thank Cena for failing to save his friends like any American would. Maybe Ryback can get a job in a deli like he had in that stupid story a few weeks back. Rusev calls Ryback lucky for being fired and because the super American John Cena couldn’t get his job back. He was going to throw Ryback and twenty eight other men out of the Rumble, so here’s Ambrose to easily knock him to the floor.

Rusev vs. Dean Ambrose

Joined in progress after a break with Ambrose bulldogging Rusev. The Russian kicks at the knee (injured in the ambulance match) to take over and wraps it around the ropes. Dean counters the jumping superkick into a rollup for two and the Macho Elbow gets the same. The referee tries to stop the match due to the knee and has no choice after Dean is tied in the Tree of Woe at 4:38.

Rating: C. This was more of an angle than anything else and Ambrose loses again, like he almost always does. At least in this case it wasn’t through another pin or submission and the loss can be blamed on the referee more than Ambrose. I did like them planting the seeds of Cena vs. Rusev though because that’s the big match at Wrestlemania, especially if Rusev wins.

Here’s the Authority to moderate the contract signing. After everyone comes out, Heyman says he can’t take credit for bringing back the Authority because it was all Rollins’ plan. The plan was endorsed by Heyman and desperately needed by John Cena. What’s bad for Cena is good for Lesnar and best for business. Heyman doesn’t like the idea of a triple threat match because it could mean a double cross where Lesnar doesn’t have to lose to drop the title.

Rollins thanks Heyman for reciting the rules of ever triple threat match ever and asks if Lesnar is scared of a triple threat. Paul gets cut off because Rollins isn’t done. Seth doesn’t have the list of accomplishments that Lesnar have, but Lesnar doesn’t have the list that Seth has. He built and destroyed the Shield, won Money in the Bank, and pinned John Cena’s shoulders to the mat. Either by plan A (the match) or plan B (the briefcase), Rollins is is leaving with the title. Lesnar says he conquered Undertaker, HHH and Cena, so he’ll conquer Rollins at the Rumble.

Cena says it’s time for a beating and he’s walking out champion before signing. Rollins lists off all the plans that Cena has had but failed before the fight is on. Seth is knocked to the floor and Lesnar takes the AA through the table, only to have Rollins Curb Stomp Cena. There’s a Curb Stomp to Brock to end the show.  More importantly than all else: Rollins looked like an equal.  That cannot be understated.

Overall Rating: B. Yes that’s probably high but man was this show easier to sit through. They actually had some good matches and set up some stuff for the future, but most importantly of all they had a chance to breathe. Instead of just packing every thing they possibly could into the show, there were a few breaks in there and it makes things so much easier.

On top of that though, the best moments were from Harper and Rollins. Those two looked AWESOME tonight and they gave me new hopes for both of them. Harper can move like almost no one else in the company and Rollins looked like a star standing there in front of Lesnar. I had a really good time with this show (save for a bit too much Stephanie) and didn’t once feel like it was dragging on forever. That’s the most important step in the right direction they could have.

Results

Seth Rollins b. John Cena – Pin after a KO Punch from Big Show

New Day b. Tyson Kidd/Cesaro – Backbreaker/top rope double stomp combo

Roman Reigns b. Luke Harper – Spear

Alicia Fox b. Naomi – Ax kick

Miz b. Jey Uso – Skull Crushing Finale

Brie Bella b. Paige – Rollup

Ascension b. ???/??? – Fall of Man to #2

Rusev b. Dean Ambrose via referee stoppage

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Well the Authority is back and I’m not sure what else you’re expecting the show to focus on this week. The previous week Cena agreed to bring them back for the sake of protecting his BEST FRIEND EVER Edge, and of course the Authority just happened to be there that night. This is likely to set up Wrestlemania and the return of Sting, which should be awesome when it finally happens. Let’s get to it.

The roster was in the ring for the Authority’s big return. As in their return from last week when the really came back because of course they were in the back. Screw suspension of disbelief and all that nonsense. They actually kept this one short as the Authority’s only announcements were Rollins being added to the title match at the Rumble, John Cena Appreciation Night later, and Dolph Ziggler defending the Intercontinental Title against Bad News Barrett right now.

First up we’ll look at the PPV title match. I REALLY like Rollins being added to make it a triple threat, as we’ve seen Cena vs. Lesnar far too often now. At the end of the day, why am I supposed to care about seeing the same guys fight each other with Cena getting closer and closer every time? This also opens a door to avoid Lesnar vs. Reigns for the title at Wrestlemania. There are multiple ways out now, and that’s the best news we could have had in a long time.

Bad News Barrett took the Intercontinental Title back from Dolph Ziggler in classic Russo booking. Ziggler pinned him in less than three minutes but Kane came out to say it’s 2/3 falls, with Barrett winning the next two. This is the start of the night’s big idea and it really should have been more obvious after you know where it’s going. I’m not wild on another title change, especially after Barrett looked like a face last week. Then again, you can’t expect something like week to week continuity around here. It’s not like this is NXT or something.

All night had some great John Cena moments, most of which are the same ones you always see for something like this. I really would like to see them bust out some fresh ones every now and then.

Roman Reigns still can’t talk. I’m interested in where this is going though, because on Smackdown he cut a really goofy promo but then said of course it was hard to say and winked at the camera, acknowledging that it’s a badly scripted promo. I doubt that goes anywhere, but it’s an interesting possibility.

Bray Wyatt is still creepy.

The Ascension came out for the promo and reaction from the announcers that I’ve already written far too much about.

Roman Reigns beat Big Show via DQ in the feud that will not die. They’re still dragging this thing out and I’m scared that they won’t blow it off until Fast Lane. Does anyone even remember why they’re fighting? Was there ever a reason in the first place? It’s a boring feud and for some reason it just keeps going. It didn’t help that Show basically squashed him and then lost via DQ.

Nikki Bella beat Natalya for the second time in two weeks. I’m still just waiting for Naomi to take the title and end this ridiculous Bella domination. Or we could just cancel Total Divas already and stop these stupid stories.

Dean Ambrose is violent.

Erick Rowan lost to Luke Harper via a fast count from the Stooges. More angle advancement and thankfully we haven’t had the big showdown between these two. Then again, it’s not like WWE knows how to build a match other than to have them fight each other a bunch, nor do they seem to have any sort of a plan for or interest in Rowan.

Alicia Fox beat up Naomi in the back because Total Divas thinks it’s interesting.

Bray Wyatt beat Dean Ambrose again in an ambulance match to end their feud. As usual, WWE doesn’t know how to pace a feud. We started with a TLC match then had a bunch of street fights and they end it with an ambulance match. Why an ambulance you ask? No clue, as there’s no connection to an ambulance in their feud. They wound up feuding just because they were feuding before and that almost never makes for a good story.

On top of that, the match was nothing interesting. It’s the problem with having a feud based on violent matches: eventually you get numb to what they’re doing. Ambrose has dropped how many elbows through tables now? I don’t know why I’m supposed to care now because the table has a red cross painted on.

Miz/Damien Mizdow/Alicia Fox beat the Usos/Naomi in a six person tag. This feud has run out of steam, meaning we’re likely getting it for another six weeks. The match was nothing special and it didn’t help that it came on a long, draining show.

Ryback’s punishment is a handicap match against Rollins and Kane but his big moment is he wasn’t knocked out by the first Curb Stomp. He was however knocked out by the second Curb Stomp to give the villains the win.

Big E. beat Adam Rose via DQ when two masked men, played by Cesaro and Tyson Kidd, interfered. They just HAD to put this in? The show felt like it had been going on for a year at this point and I really could have used a breather. Air a video package or something but stop cramming everything in every chance they have. It’s ok to let the show breathe for a minute, but WWE insists on jamming in every story and angle they can. It makes the show very tiring and I don’t want to see any more at this point.

The big ending segment was the Authority praising Cena and then bringing out the other members of Team Cena from Survivor Series (the show that will not die). The Authority fired Ziggler, Ryback and Rowan for a big dramatic moment. Things picked up though as confetti and balloons fell and music played to celebrate John Cena to end the show. I’ll give them that one as the look on Cena’s face as the Authority smiled was perfect.

This show was LONG. That’s my big complaint here in case you missed it the first dozen or so times. It felt like they were cramming in every single idea they had and it makes for a very tiring show. The big angle isn’t going to mean anything long term because I’d be stunned if those three weren’t back for the Rumble. The ending scene was about breaking Cena’s spirit…..which is a really questionable idea. Why you ask?

Has Cena even mentioned Lesnar at the Rumble? We haven’t gotten one promo about the match, one reason to think that Cena is focused, or one thing that really makes me want to see him fight Lesnar again. Sure he’ll mention Brock once in awhile, but it’s always broken up by something from the Authority or Rollins. The title match is a complete afterthought at this point and that’s not what we should be having going into the Road to Wrestlemania. I can’t wait for Lesnar to lose the title so we can get back to something resembling normal around here.

Other than Cena and the Authority, this show just didn’t do anything for me. We’ve seen the same feuds and stories for so long now that it’s almost impossible to care about them again. I know we keep saying the Road to Wrestlemania will re-energize things, but nothing ever seems to change. Maybe it’s coming soon, but the Rumble needs to be a home run at this point.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2000
Date: January 23, 2000
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 19,231
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

After sitting through 1998 and 1999, this is my reward. What we have here might be the best Rumble show of them all with one of the best matches ever and a great Rumble on top of it. 2000 is the best in ring year the company ever had and this was a great way to kick that year off. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Cactus Jack challenging HHH for the world title in a street fight. This is that “one of the best matches ever” that I was talking about. The idea is simple: Cactus wants the title back and he’s facing HHH in a street fight, which means HHH is in WAY over his head. We’re in Foley’s hometown in Foley’s match with Foley’s most hardcore character. How can this not be a masterpiece?

Kurt Angle vs. ???

Angle is undefeated at this point. Kurt says he’s a real winner here, unlike the New York Knicks. This is goofy Kurt, which means he’s hilarious. He says that the mystery opponent must be scared to come face him, but the opponent needs to take a deep breath, come out here, and face Angle like a man. The self-help thing here is hilarious. The fans chant WE WANT TAZ….and here he is!

Kurt Angle vs. Tazz

Tazz pounds away on Angle and hits a HUGE backdrop to send him to the floor. Angle escapes a suplex in the aisle (painted like a street with a big cab hanging above the entrance, which looks like an alley. It’s really cool) and takes over. Back in and Kurt hits a forearm for two and chokes away in the corner. A belly to belly puts Tazz down but Angle goes up and gets crotched. Tazz hits a super Tazplex for two before getting rolled up for two. Angle gets two more off a bridging German before walking into a release German from Tazz. We unleash the suplexes on Kurt before the Tazmission ends Angle’s undefeated streak.

Rating: C+. This was short, but to say it was an effective debut is an understatement. The place ERUPTED when Tazz won which is exactly the point of the opening match. See, this is what you call LISTENING to the audience. WWF knew they had to appeal to the ECW fans and what better way than to have Tazz debut here? Today, Tazz would be in some comedy match and would likely lose, because Heaven forbid that the fans get what they want in one city for one night.

Angle does a stretcher job.

We go to the Hardys in the back and get a clip of them and the Dudleys putting each other through tables. Terri, the Hardys’ manager here, is told to stay in the back. She would be gone from the team soon, thank goodness.

Tazz says Angle is just the first victim.

Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

I believe match #1 or #2 in a series of roughly 8000 and it’s an elimination tables match. Bubba praises John Rocker of the Braves who had recently gone on a massive anti-New York rant in Sports Illustrated. The Hardys hit the ring and the match starts fast with Bubba hitting the Bubba Bomb on Jeff. No tags here thank goodness. Bubba sets up a table in the ring but before he can get another one, Jeff takes him out with a HUGE flip dive.

Jeff gets sent into the steps as Matt escapes a powerbomb through the table. D-Von suplexes Matt as Jeff CRACKS Bubba in the head with a chair. In a SICK spot, Jeff tries to run the railing but Bubba throws the table at Jeff, knocking him out of the air. That sounded GREAT. The pairings trade off and Bubba loads up the backsplash through the table, only for Jeff to come back and try a double superplex. D-Von moves the table but doesn’t stop the suplex.

Matt brings in a ladder because this might as well be a TLC style match. We head to the floor where the ladder is set up in front of a table with Bubba on it. Matt dives through Bubba through the table just as Jeff dives in from off camera with a splash, sending Bubba through the table in another awesome looking spot. So it’s 2-1 now with Jeff leaning a table up against the barricade. The steps are set up on their end and a table is set up like a bridge between the steps and the apron.

D-Von is placed on the bridged table but moves before Matt dives through him. He moves AGAIN to avoid a diving Jeff, sending him through the leaning table. Cool sequence there by Ninja D-Von. Apparently Bubba doesn’t have to leave. Ok that makes things more interesting. The Dudleys set up two steps in the ring and put a table across them before hitting a HUGE powerbomb on Matt to eliminate (in a sense) him. The tables are LOUD tonight too. Jeff gets beaten into the aisle but Matt quickly follows, only to get WHACKED in the head with a chair.

The Dudleys stack up four tables in front of the entrance (it’s the MSG setup where the entrance is opposite the cameras). Matt gets put on the tables and Jeff is CRACKED in the head again to break up the save attempt. Bubba climbs onto the taxi over the aisle to splash Matt, but remember that wouldn’t win the match. Jeff climbs up after him (I’m not sure where D-Von went) and blasts him with a chair, knocking him through two of the tables (still doesn’t win). Matt puts D-Von on the table and Jeff dives off the taxi with the Swanton through D-Von through the table for the win.

Rating: B+. This was AWESOME with all four guys being young and hungry here. The Dudleys were out to prove themselves and the Hardys were out to show they could hang in a fight. They had already proven they could fight in a violent match like the ladder match, but this was a brawl instead of a high flying match. REALLY fun stuff here though and well worth a look if you haven’t seen it. The Dudleys would get the titles next month, setting up the first triangle ladder match at Mania.

Angle gets a concussion test and complains that being choked out is illegal.

It’s time for the Miss Rumble Bikini contest with Sgt. Slaughter, Tony Garea, Moolah, Johnny V, FREDDY FREAKING BLASSIE and Andy Richter from Late Night with Conan O’Brien as judges. Jerry gets to emcee of course. The contestants are Ivory, Terri, Kat, Jackie, BB (You shouldn’t remember her) and Luna. The idea here is that Kat legitimately took her top off (full exposure too, the only intentional female nudity in WWF history) at Armageddon and more nudity was promised here.

Ivory doesn’t want to do it but eventually does. Terri does her usual skin colored one which we’ve seen before. Lawler freaks out over her bending over the ropes. Jackie…no one cares. BB isn’t bad but again, the whole point of this is for Kat to win. Luna won’t show. Kat is in a bikini made of bubble wrap. Creative if nothing else. The judges start tallying their scores but here’s Mae Young to enter as well. She takes off her robe, and THERE is the nudity (it was fake). Mae wins to complete the joke. Lawler’s reaction of “OH MY GOD I SAW THEM” is priceless. Mark Henry comes in to save our collective retinas.

The recently hired Coach doesn’t have much to say from WWF New York.

Chyna and Jericho, the co-IC Champions, argue over who gets to wear the belt to the ring. There was a double pin in a title match and they became co-champions as a result, which is a pretty creative idea.

Angle says he’s still undefeated. Rock would pin him on Smackdown a few weeks later.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

You know Jericho is fired up to be in MSG. He talks about how awesome his championship celebration will be, as it will make the millennium celebration look like his sister’s seventh birthday party. Holly piefaces Chyna down to start before getting in a slap fight with Jericho. Chyna gets sent to the floor for the Slaughter fall, leaving the blondes to fight for a bit. Holly hits that perfect dropkick of his but Jericho comes back with the forearm.

They slug it out until Holly tries a rana (huh?), only to get caught in the Walls. Chyna makes the save, basically turning heel at the same time. Chyna sends Holly to the floor and gets drilled by Jericho. Holly and Chyna go to the floor where Jericho tries a dive but slips and only hits Holly. Back in and there’s the handspring elbow and DDT from Chyna to the Canadian for two. Everyone heads to the floor where Jericho saves Chyna from a chair shot. Back in and both champions go up for a kind of double splash for two.

They both tried for a cover and a fight breaks out as a result. Chyna escapes a belly to back suplex and hits Jericho low, followed by a Pedigree for two on Holly. Chyna goes up but gets caught in a modified Doomsday Device (cross body instead of a clothesline) for a very close two. That probably should have been the finish. Now Jericho loads up a superplex but gets crotched for his efforts. Holly gets superplexed by Chyna but gets two on her off the bounce. Chyna chairs Holly in the head and puts on the Walls, only to have Jericho break it up and hit the Lionsault for the undisputed title and a BIG pop.

Rating: C+. This was pretty good and too short to get bad. It could have been on Raw but see, back in 2000, there was this crazy idea of finishing angles on PPV. I know that’s insane now and everything ends in a big match on Raw or rather just stops happening one day, but back in the old days, they ended like this. Match was fine.

Rock is worried about two and only two men in the Rumble: Crash Holly and Headbanger Mosh. Cole (minus facial hair) suggests maybe Rock should be worried about, say, Big Show. Rock says go make a glass of shut up juice (not one of his better catchphrases) and tells Big Show he doesn’t care what he thinks. He guarantees to win the Rumble right here in New York City and the place eats it up. I want one of those jerseys he’s wearing.

Jericho says he said he’d win and he’ll lead the Jerichoholics like a pied piper.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws are defending and there’s a backstory that doesn’t deserve to be listed. Who would have thought that THIRTEEN YEARS LATER the Outlaws would be on house shows for the WWE again? The Outlaws are heels here but they’re over like free beer in a frat house here in New York. The APA storms the ring and the beating is on quickly. Bradshaw and Billy officially get us started with Billy taking a fast beating. Both guys tag as the referee is adjusting his ear piece.

Faarooq imitates Dogg’s dance before getting double teamed a bit. Bradshaw breaks up the shaky knee drop and everything breaks down. The Clothesline kills Billy and there’s the spinebuster to Roadie….but Billy pulls the referee out. The ref is bumped and Road Dogg is hit with a double powerbomb. X-Pac runs in and kicks Bradshaw’s head off. The Fameasser to the future JBL retains the titles in like two and a half minutes. This had to be cut for time. The Outlaws would lose the titles to the Dudleys next month and that would be the end of the team.

Dogg rhymes about keeping the titles.

We recap HHH vs. Cactus Jack. HHH won the title the night after Summerslam from Mankind via cheating. Big Show got the title at Survivor Series but lost it back to HHH in January. Mankind stood up to the newly formed McMahon-Helmsley Era and got beaten down for his efforts. Foley got fired and we had a fake Mankind get humiliated. Rock then said that every single wrestler would walk out and form the Rock Wrestling Federation if Foley wasn’t rehired. See how different storylines could be back then? Mankind got HHH to agree to a street fight at the Rumble but got beaten up for his efforts.

This led to an AWESOME promo on Smackdown, where Mankind said he wasn’t ready to face HHH in a street fight, but he knew someone who did. He took off his mask and ripped open his shirt to reveal Cactus Jack, scaring HHH to death. These two, as in Cactus Jack and HHH, had fought in 1997 in the match that basically brought hardcore to the WWF and they did it in MSG, with Cactus winning clean. This was an excellent story and there was a VERY real feeling that Cactus could pull this off, because HHH was in WAY over his head. Check out the build to this match as it’s some of the best stuff you’ll EVER see.

WWF World Title: Cactus Jack vs. HHH

Street fight. It should also be noted that Foley lost about 30 pounds inside of a month and a half and is by far the slimmest you’ll ever see him look here. HHH does the long slow walk to the ring which makes things feel even more epic. Stephanie heads to the back which is probably a good thing. Dang I miss that big title. It’s SO much better looking than the stupid spinner version. Even now when it doesn’t spin it doesn’t look like something special but rather something like a toy. The belt on HHH looks classy.

Cactus looks like and animal and HHH looks terrified. Jack wins a quick slugout and pounds HHH down into the corner. We head to the floor for a swinging neckbreaker on HHH and a legdrop onto the apron knocks the Game back to the floor. HHH is rammed into various metal objects but comes back with a bell shot to take over. NOW we get to the fun part as the first chair is brought in.

Back in and Jack charges right into a chair shot like an idiot. Granted for him, that’s playing the character right. HHH goes to unhook the buckle instead of covering for some reason and Jack pops up to clothesline the champ down. There’s a legdrop onto a chair onto HHH’s head for two and we head outside again. HHH gets backdropped into the crowd and the beating begins again. JR: “They’re out in the sea of humanity.” Jerry: “Humanity? JR we’re in New York.”

HHH gets rammed into something made of metal that we can’t see and they head into the aisle. Cactus sets up a wooden pallet and suplexes HHH onto it before screaming in his face. This isn’t falls count anywhere mind you. There’s a trashcan to the head and HHH gets rammed into the steel doors. The fans chant for Foley as he gets suplexed onto the trashcan. The crowd is just RUTHLESS against HHH here as they head back to the ring. The aisle is really short so it’s not a long walk.

Jack rams a knee into HHH’s head to drive it into the steps and it’s back inside now. This is almost all Jack so far. There’s the 2×4 in barbed wire but HHH hits him low to get the board away. Some shots to Cactus’ ribs and back have him in trouble and HHH looks at the board as if to say “did I just do that?” Cactus blocks a shot to the head and hits HHH in the balls with the board. The double arm DDT puts HHH down as the referee takes the board out of the ring, drawing the loudest booing of the night.

Cactus wants the board back and beats up the Spanish announce team who the board was left with. He gets a board (clearly not the same one but that’s likely for safety reasons) and after the referee is crushed, HHH gets hit in the forehead with the wire. The board is driven into HHH’s forehead and he’s busted something fierce now. The referee is back up now and we get the most famous spot of the match with Jack ripping the wire across HHH’s cut to make him scream.

Cactus tries to piledrive HHH through the announce table (same thing he won the 97 match with) but HHH counters with a backdrop. JR: “The champion is bleeding like a horse.” When does a horse bleed? HHH is bleeding from his leg which is a rare sight to see. The place LOUDLY cheers for Foley and we head back inside. The Pedigree is countered into a slingshot into the post and a bulldog on the wire gets two.

HHH has a spot called to him about the steps before the Cactus Clothesline takes them both to the floor. Cactus charges but gets hiptossed into the steps, banging his knee in the process. You know a Flair disciple like HHH knows how to work on a knee. Back inside and HHH clips him down before picking up the barbed wire for another shot to the knee. HHH pulls out some handcuffs in a flashback to last year.

Cactus fights back and hits HHH in the head with the cuffs in a smart move. The cuffs are locked up a few seconds later though and HHH starts pounding away. The steps are brought in but Foley comes out of nowhere with a drop toehold to send HHH face first into the steel. A low blow keeps HHH down and Cactus bites away. HHH gets back up and grabs a chair which he literally BREAKS over the back of Cactus. They head outside again and Cactus takes some shots to the head from the chair.

Cactus says hit me again but before HHH can crush the skull, Rock pops out of nowhere and blasts HHH in the head with a chair of his own. A cop comes in and unlocks the cuffs, freeing Cactus. HHH starts backpedaling fast but gets caught on the Spanish Announce Table. The piledriver hits this time but the table DOESN’T BREAK.

We haven’t gotten violent enough yet, so here’s a bag of thumbtacks. Stephanie comes out (complete with snakeskin choker in a nod to Cactus) and HHH comes back with a backdrop onto the tacks. There’s the Pedigree but Cactus kicks out at two to blow the roof off the place. It doesn’t last long though as a Pedigree ONTO THE TACKS finally ends Cactus.

Rating: A+. FREAKING OW MAN! If there’s a match that made a guy into a legitimate force better than this one made HHH, I’d love to see it. This was an absolute war with both guys destroying each other for about 27 minutes. The place never gave up on Foley and it’s easily one of his best matches ever. This is one of the best brawls ever and yet again it’s well worth checking out.

HHH is taken out on a stretcher but Cactus pulls him back into the arena. There’s a barbed wire shot to the head and the place cheers like crazy for Mick some more.

Linda is at WWF New York to talk about HHH’s title reign. Wait no she’s not. She would NEVER be involved with something involving bloodshed. And Stephanie is oh so precious and does SO much work for charity don’t you know.

Royal Rumble

The intervals are “two minutes or less” according to the Fink. We get a quick look at Shawn’s miracle save in 95 which would play a role in the coming weeks. D’Lo Brown is #1 and Grandmaster Sexay is #2. Feeling out process to start with Sexay countering Brown’s running powerbomb into a rana. A middle rope missile dropkick puts Brown down and Mosh, complete with cones on his chest, is #3.

Kai En Tai, two guys ticked off about not being in the Rumble, runs in and are immediately thrown out. Nothing else happens for a minute or so until Christian (with his AWESOME solo theme called Blood Brother. Look it up) is #4. Nothing happens again so here’s Rikishi to a POP at #5. Mosh, Christian and Brown are quickly dispatched, leaving Grandmaster and Rikishi.

Scotty 2 Hotty is #6 to complete the trio…..and it’s time to DANCE! The place absolutely loses it over this until Rikishi clotheslines and eliminates them both. Note that it is NOT a heel turn and just business, which Too Cool is ok with. Rikishi dances a bit more on his own and the place is still erupting.

The company took notice of those eruptions too, and the three of them wound up feuding with the Radicalz for the next four months or so, resulting in Too Cool getting the tag titles and Rikishi getting the IC Title. In other words, they were given a stupid gimmick, got it over, and were rewarded. Today, you get to lose the US Title to Jack Swagger and become a jobber to the stars if you get yourselves over. As I typed that, Steve Blackman came in at #7 and was eliminated.

Viscera is #8 and you know New York loves itself a fat boy battle. Big Visc rams into him a few times but misses a charge and three straight superkicks put him. Big Boss Man is #9 and won’t get in, drawing some good heel heat. He stays out on the floor until Test is #10. Test pounds away on Boss Man to finally get all three guys in there. Boss Man hits Test low but Rikishi hits Test low to put both guys down.

British Bulldog is #11 as things slow down a bit. There’s a low blow for Rikishi as well and Bulldog tries to get him out until Gangrel is #12. Kai En Tai comes out again and Taka is thrown over the top into a 360, landing face first on the floor. FREAKING OW MAN. This would be played multiple times over the rest of the match, much to Lawler’s amusement. Edge (starting to mean something and over in New York) is #13.

Boss Man takes a Banzai Drop and Bob freaking Backlund is #14. He comes out to Hail to the Chief as he’s legitimately running for Congress in Connecticut at this point. You would think that would have been a tip for Linda’s future but alas no. Everyone goes after Rikishi and dumps him out to get us to the second part of the match. To recap, we’ve got Boss Man, Bulldog, Test, Gangrel, Backlund and Edge in there at the moment. Jericho is #15 to his third or fourth big pop of the night.

Jericho goes right for Edge in a match that would be for the world title eventually. That doesn’t last long though as Jericho dumps Backlund, who yells at some fans before leaving. Actually he goes into the crowd to look for Connecticut registered voters. For a guy as bland as he was back in the day, Crazy Backlund is one of the best performances I’ve ever seen.

Crash is #16 and gets a double spanking from Edge and Bulldog. Ok then. Edge is sent to the apron by Bulldog so he punches the British Boy in the balls. Chyna is #17 in the far less remembered Rumble appearance. She goes right for Jericho and suplexes him out in about 30 seconds but gets knocked out by Boss Man almost immediately. Faarooq is #18 and here’s the Mean Street Posse who is also out of the Rumble. Those three and Kai En Tai were all thrown out of the Rumble on Heat so five more guys could be added in.

Anyway Faarooq is quickly dumped and Road Dogg is #19. The crowd does his entrance for him but he runs right into a low blow. The fans want Puppies, a term Road Dogg invented. Crash survives an elimination and Al Snow is #20. Roadie throws out the Bulldog and Val Venis is #21. Funaki runs in on his own and is thrown out almost immediately again. Prince Albert (Tensai) is #22 and there goes Edge.

The ring is getting too full now with Boss Man, Test, Gangrel, Crash, Road Dogg, Snow, Venis and Albert. Dogg continues his strategy: hide in the corner and wrap all four limbs around the bottom rope. I’ve heard worse ideas. Hardcore Holly is #23 and we’re getting down to almost only big names left. Crash gets knocked to the apron but gets back in AGAIN.

Now we get to the final part of the match as The Rock is #24 to bring everyone to their feet. Boss Man is the first victim, being eliminated by a spit punch. Venis and Test double team him but Rock hangs on in the corner. He beats up Hardcore for a bit as Billy Gunn is #25. He goes right for Rocky but since no one believes Billy Gunn is going to eliminate Rock, the Great One throws out Crash to give himself something to do instead. Dogg has shifted over to another corner now.

Big Show, Rock’s opponent for this match, is #26. Rocky pounds on him immediately but Albert sticks his fat head in Rock’s business. Show dumps Gangrel and Test before going to stomp on Rocky. Bradshaw is #27 and is out in about 30 seconds at the hands of the Outlaws and the Mean Street Posse. Kane is #28 complete with the still sexy Tori. Venis gets thrown out almost immediately and Show stupidly gorilla presses Gunn down instead of out. Kane knocks Albert out as Godfather is #29. The Ho’s are especially good looking tonight.

Funaki comes out for the fourth time. JR: “For the love of Pete.” Jerry: “No that’s Funaki.” X-Pac is #30 which was announced in advance. The final group is Road Dogg, Al Snow, Hardcore Holly, Rock, Gunn, Show, Kane, Godfather and X-Pac. Snow dumps Holly and Show puts Godfather out. Rock dumps Snow to get us to six. Billy dumps a talking too much Roadie just before getting dumped by Show.

We’ve got X-Pac, Kane, Big Show and Rock as the final four. I’ve seen far worse. Rock throws out X-Pac but the referee is with Kane who is fighting the Outlaws on the floor. Pac gets back in and the guys pair off. Show sends Rock into Kane for a big boot as the giants choke each other. Pac kicks Rock down and Kane hits a pretty good enziguri and an even better slam on Big Show. Pac kicks Kane out and a Bronco Buster on Big Show.

Rock dumps X-Pac and we’re down to two. The spinebuster sets up the Elbow but since IT’S JUST A FREAKING ELBOW DROP, Show gets up and chokeslams Rock down. Show takes WAY too much time though and Rock holds onto the top rope, sending Big Show out to go to Wrestlemania. Awesome ending to an awesome match.

Rating: A. AWESOME Rumble here with the absolute right ending. This was the Rock’s Rumble and there was no other person who should have won it. The only part that was a little dull here was the middle but it’s certainly not bad. This followed the three part structure as all great Rumbles do and as usual, it worked like a charm. Great Rumble and one that might have a claim to best ever.

Rock says he’s going to Wrestlemania when Big Show comes in and knocks him to the floor. Show stands in the ring as Rock leaves to end the show.

Overall Rating: A+. This is one of the best shows the WWF has ever put on. Period. There isn’t a bad match on the whole card, the crowd is ON FIRE all night and you have two excellent matches to round out the show. I can’t imagine anything in the next 12 years surpassing this one and I can’t recommend it highly enough. Outstanding show.

Ratings Comparison

Tazz vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-

Redo: C+

Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: A

Redo: B+

Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: C

Redo: C+

New Age Outlaws vs. Acolytes

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

HHH vs. Cactus Jack

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: A-

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

Still great and still the best Rumble ever.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/19/royal-rumble-count-up-2000-match-of-the-decade-maybe-yeah/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: January 9, 2015
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tom Phillips, John Bradshaw Layfield

This is the last show on Fridays as the show moves back to the original Thursday time slot next week. We’re coming off a pretty poorly received episode of Raw where the Authority reminded us that this is their company and we’re just lucky enough to be watching it. Nothing major has been announced for tonight but you can smell the big tag match from here. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Cena bringing back the Authority from last week and the Authority’s path of rage this past Monday. They added Rollins to the Royal Rumble title match and destroyed Ziggler, Rowan and Ryback before firing them all to end the show. I’m sure they’ll be back for the Rumble. This took almost four minutes.

Here’s Seth Rollins to get things going. He’s feeling good after the look on Cena’s face at the end of Raw. It was so good that we need to take another look at it, but thankfully it’s just a still here. Rollins made Cena go back on his word and now the Authority is back. If that isn’t enough, Cena is responsible for three men getting fired (Rowan got the biggest reaction of those names, which makes me think some piping in is afoot).

On top of all that though, Cena is responsible for Rollins being in the main event of the Royal Rumble. Rollins isn’t a bad guy though. He asks the crowd for ten seconds of silence while the bell is rung in the memory of Ziggler, Rowan and Ryback. At about six bells, here’s Reigns to cut things off. Seth says it’s good to see you brother but Reigns says Rollins is full of it. That would be sufferin suckatash of course. Apparently there are a lot of Sylvester fans in the audience as a brief Roman Reigns chant starts up.

Roman gets right to it and nails Seth in the jaw to put him on the floor. This brings out Big Show and Kane with the latter making Big Show/Rollins vs. Reigns, unless Reigns can find a partner. However, anyone that agrees to be his partner is going to be going against the Authority. Fan: “SANDOW!” Big Show compares his fist to the Superman Punch and promises to knock out everyone that doesn’t like it. The fact is Roman is screwed.

That ends the segment and hopefully Reigns’ talking for the night. I like Reigns quite a bit, but the guy just isn’t ready to be on a live mic at this level. There’s no shame to this as there are a lot of guys who have been unable to talk (look back to Big Show’s early WCW days where he was clearly reading off cue cards) but none that are supposed to be the next top guy. It seems that he’s put the pressure on himself to take that spot and it’s not working. Reigns spent the first year or so of his WWE run just looking menacing and saying a few words. Now he’s supposed to talk people into the building? I don’t get WWE’s logic here.

Miz and Mizdow come in to see Kane. It must feel wonderful to have the Authority back in power, even though they canceled MizTV tonight. They really canceled an idea they came up with a day earlier? It amazes me how fast they have to change things around here. Anyway, Miz and Mizdow don’t like the idea of being in a three way tag tonight. Kane agrees, so Miz asks Mizdow for some water. The water goes on Kane instead, so the triple threat is back on.

Big E. vs. Adam Rose

Raw rematch, which really didn’t need to be thrown in on Monday to give the show a chance to breathe. Cesaro and Kidd are in Rose’s corner after laying out New Day on Raw. Rose takes him down and drops some knees for two before we’re in the chinlock less than a minute in. Big E. fights up with a belly to belly but stops to wipe off his sweat. That’s really his gimmick people. The Big Ending is countered and Rose hits a nice tornado DDT for two more. The Big Ending is good for the pin a few seconds later at 2:36.

Ascension vs. Mad-1/Spartan

Those are the only names I can find for Ascension’s meal tonight. JBL’s stance on Ascension this time: they’re 3-0 so far but that doesn’t make them the Road Warriors. That right there is all he needed to say on Raw without making the team sound worthless. Ascension brings up the Road Warriors again, saying they couldn’t carry their shoulder pads. As for the Powers of Pain, Ascension’s power would cause them pain. Konor kicks I think Mad-1 around the ring to start before Viktor clotheslines him on the floor. Back in and Fall of Man is good for the pin at 46 seconds.

The Usos think Monday’s firings are unfair but neither is putting them in a triple threat title defense. They’ll do what they do though and rise to the occasion to fight for their titles.

Alicia Fox vs. Naomi

This is due to Fox attacking Naomi on Monday after Fox replaced Naomi on Total Divas. Naomi dropkicks her at the bell and hits a running corner splash. Fox comes out of the corner with a sunset flip into a rollup and throws her feet on the ropes to pin Naomi at 1:16. I miss old school cheating like that.

HHH’s sitdown interview this week focused on those guys deserved to be fired. Cena begged them to go to war but eventually brought back the Authority as he needed to. That’s the kind of guy HHH wants to go to war with, at least until he changes sides and then he’ll be on him like a rabid dog.

We look at the ambulance match from Monday.

Bray says Ambrose is just like the rest of the people who tried to climb out of a jar. Fate is a pretty girl with a sword in her hand and she’s leading him to a new destination. In three weeks, Bray Wyatt will arrive at the Royal Rumble.

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Goldust/Stardust vs. Miz/Damien Mizdow

Usos are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Jey and Miz get things going but Goldust tries to tag himself in early on. Miz shoves Jey down but they go into a pinfall reversal sequence for about four near falls each. We finally settle down to Miz being caught in a headlock with Jimmy coming in off the top to keep Miz in trouble. Miz makes a quick comeback but Stardust tags himself in. A big chop puts him in the corner though and it’s back to Jey for a headbutt. Goldust gets in a cheap shot from the apron (and quite the reaction) as Cole is oddly silent.

The Usos send the other brothers and Miz out to the floor (Mizdow is kind enough to do it himself) and the big dives take them down again. Stardust adds the Falling Star but Jimmy takes him out a second later. Jey gets crotched down coming back in and we take a break. Back with Jimmy enziguring Stardust but Miz tags himself in to get the two count. Mizdow tags himself in for the Reality Check and a nice nipup (Cole: “Well HBK does have a beard.”) but Goldust tags himself in to run Mizdow over.

A jawbreaker gets Mizdow out of a chinlock but Stardust keeps him in trouble. They’re fully in meandering mode here. It’s back to Goldust for another chinlock before Stardust kicks Miz off the apron. Mizdow gets loose but there’s no partner to tag, so he dives over to tag Jey instead. A release Samoan drop puts Stardust down but Goldust saves him from the running Umaga attack. Everything breaks down and the double superkick drops Goldust but Miz makes the save. Stardust low bridges his brother by mistake and Jimmy dives on him for good measure. Back in and the Superfly Splash to Goldust retains the titles at 16:27.

Rating: C. Well I’ve seen worse but it’s still not the most interesting match in the world. The Usos have basically cleaned out the division at this point (unless you count Cesaro and Kidd), leaving only the Ascension to fight them. That would be quite the way to make JBL think more of them, and based on his comment that the Usos are becoming the best team of this generation, I could see them going there. The match was nothing all that great though as it was getting sloppy and felt about three minutes longer than it needed to.

Here’s Bad News Barrett with the good news that he’s the new Intercontinental Champion. He invites Ziggler out here right now for a rematch before remembering that Ziggler is fired. Barrett officially enters the Royal Rumble and promises to win the title at Wrestlemania.

Sin Cara vs. Bad News Barrett

Non-title and Eden calls this a match instead of a contest. Barrett hammers him down to start and we’re already in a chinlock. Cara fights up and hits a spinning springboard headbutt, only to walk into Winds of Change for two. Wasteland is countered into a rollup for two but Cara kicks him in the head, setting up a Swanton for the pin at 2:03. This has to be some kind of a bad running joke right? I often make jokes about how winning the title leads to a losing streak and that joke started with Barrett. Who thinks this is a good idea?

Barrett Bull Hammers him post match.

We get some exclusive comments from the three fired guys after Raw went off the air.

Ryback says he’s trained every day to have this job that he loves more than anything. Now the Authority is abusing its power and taken that away from him and it’s the worst feeling in the world.

Rowan says disappointment comes to mind.

Ziggler did everything he could at Survivor Series and now he’s lost everything.

Daniel Bryan is back in the ring next week.

Roman Reigns/??? vs. Seth Rollins/Big Show

Jobber entrance for Show and Rollins. Reigns has no partner at first but Dean Ambrose comes out to team with him. The look on Rollins’ face is similar to Vince when the glass shatters. The former Shield members clear the ring to start, leaving Seth to shout that Dean was taken away in an ambulance. After a meeting on the floor, it’s Rollins vs. Ambrose for the opening bell. Dean takes over to start and quickly brings in Reigns to throw Seth into the corner.

Big Show is shouting very loudly tonight and you can hear almost everything he’s saying, including “HE KNEED HIM IN THE FACE!” Show finally pulls Seth out to the floor to get him away from Ambrose as we take a break. Back with Big Show chopping Dean in the corner and kicking his leg out. Hopefully he doesn’t just copy Ryback and actually sells the injury. Rollins comes back in and steps on Dean’s hand before dropping an elbow on the leg. He takes too much time talking trash though and Dean hops from the good leg to nail Rollins in the face.

Seth is smart enough to go back to the knee though and Ambrose is still in trouble. The Stooges get in some cheap shots on the floor before Big Show just throws Dean around the ring. Dean won’t stay down though (even with Big Show telling him to stay down) and raises the good leg in the corner to stop a charge. A tornado DDT is enough to make the hot tag to Reigns as things speed up.

Roman plants Seth with a tilt-a-whirl slam and the Superman Punch takes out both Stooges at the same time. Reigns loads up the spear but walks into a chokeslam, only to have Dean dropkick Show down (with only the good leg connecting). The standing elbow drop puts the Stooges and Kane down, leaving Reigns to spear Rollins for the pin at 12:02.

Rating: C+. Dean Ambrose just stole the show by doing things exactly like he was supposed to. It’s so rare to see someone get injured and then just do their same offense before holding the injury a second later. Ambrose wrestled the second half of this match on one leg and I really liked the extra realism it brought. For a contrast, look at Ryback last week. Big Show injured his knee, but Ryback just did the same stuff, including all of his power moves, like the knee was fine. That sort of thing gets old in a hurry and seeing Dean do it the right way is so refreshing.

Overall Rating: C. This show really doesn’t mean anything as it’s the last show in the death slot of Friday prime time. I’m hoping the potential of a much larger audience on Thursday night makes Samckdown mean something again, because I’m getting tired of sitting through these shows where it’s just wasting two hours of my time. This episode wasn’t anything great but Ambrose looked good and the rest of the matches ranged from decent to too short to mean anything. In other words, this was the standard Friday episode of Smackdown: acceptable wrestling and nothing that matters.

Results

Big E. b. Adam Rose – Big Ending

Ascension b. Mad-1/Spartan – Fall of Man to Mad-1

Alicia Fox b. Naomi – Rollup with feet on the ropes

Usos b. Miz/Damien Mizdow and Goldust/Stardust – Superfly Splash to Goldust

Sin Cara b. Bad News Barrett – Swanton Bomb

Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose b. Big Show/Seth Rollins – Spear to Rollins

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 5, 2015
Location: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Booker T.

It took awhile to get here but we’re finally into Royal Rumble season. The big story from last week (biggest out of many that is) was the return of the Authority, after a grand absence of about a month. Now that they’re back they can oppose Daniel Bryan as he tries to make it to Wrestlemania to take the World Title off the corporate backed champion. Well it worked the first time so why not now? Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap from the end of last week with Rollins setting the stage for the Authority’s return by threatening to cripple Edge. I still have issues with a simple “I respect you” making up for all of Cena and Edge’s issues.

Opening sequence. We haven’t had one of those in forever.

The roster is in the ring and around ringside to open the show. Cena would like to apologize for what’s coming, because he had to go back on his word and bring the Authority back last week. He thought he could slide in at the last second like Superman and save Edge but he just wasn’t sure. Now the Authority is back, but 2015 is going to be…..cut off by the Authority’s music. Cole: “Stephanie McMahon on the left, HHH on the right.” In case you thought HHH had become a woman you see.

Stephanie hopes we all had a great new year and HHH knows we were all begging for them to come back. He mocks the guest GM’s and praises Seth Rollins for ensuring their return. Rollins tells Cena Happy New Year but HHH has a surprise for him: he’s officially added to the WWE World Title match at the Royal Rumble, making it a triple threat with Lesnar defending against Rollins and Cena.

That brings us back to Cena, because last week he showed that he knows what’s best for business. Stephanie declares tonight John Cena Appreciation Night and Cena’s attendance is mandatory. As for everyone else, this is a new year, meaning they’ll all get what they deserve. That means Ziggler is up first and will be defending the Intercontinental Title against Bad News Barrett. I see no reason why the entire roster had to be out there, but they’re out of the opening segment at just 8:14.

Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett

Barrett is challenging due to Barrett having to vacate the title due to an injury. The champ nails a dropkick to start but tries to get too high in the corner and takes a kick to the ribs. We’re in a chinlock less than two minute in, meaning I don’t see this lasting long. Ziggler pops up and grabs a crucifix of all things to retain the title at 2:38.

Barrett destroys Ziggler post match and sends him into the and steps over and over. Cue Corporate Kane to say the Authority forgot to mention that this match is 2/3 falls. Ziggler is barely able to get up and Wasteland ties us up about thirty seconds in. The referee calls the trainers in before the third fall and we take a break. Back with Ziggler insisting he can continue but taking a boot to the face. Wasteland plants him again for two and Barrett puts him in the ropes for another boot.

Barrett cranks on the arms as Cole gets something as simple as Barrett’s hometown wrong (Prescott instead of Preston). We hit the chinlock on the champ but he fights out with a Stunner, followed by a swinging neckbreaker. The Fameasser doesn’t work but the Winds of Change gets two. I still really like that move. Barrett’s Bull Hammer misses and Dolph scores with a superkick for another near fall. Kane gets up on the apron and eats a superkick, only to have the Bull Hammer knock Ziggler cold to give Barrett the title back at 16:39 total, counting the breaks between the falls.

Rating: C. The match was good but it was almost all angle. Barrett getting the title back is fine and it makes him a five time champion, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up given his past experiences as champion. I’m curious to see where Ziggler goes from here, but again they protected him with the big beatdown leading to his loss. He’s looking like a bigger star now and stacking the deck against him is going to make that work as much as anything else.

We get our first John Cena great moment, starting on Smackdown, July 27, 2002 when he answered Kurt Angle’s open challenge and took him to the limit. The Undertaker endorsed him post match to really make it mean something.

Clip from last week of Big Show interfering to break up Rollins vs. Reigns. Show buried Reigns under the announcers’ table, only to have Reigns do the same to him on Smackdown. Reigns vs. Show again tonight.

Reigns doesn’t know what to expect tonight but he knows Big Show can expect a man faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap tall building in a single bound, and more powerful than a locomotive. Believe that.

Bray Wyatt asks Dean Ambrose about his new year’s resolution. Is it to become a better father or to get to know his imprisoned father? Well tonight he’ll get the chance, because tonight he’s going to be locked in an ambulance. Ambrose’s lunatic fringe will be forever locked inside his own nightmare. The devil is suffering and pain and tonight he walks beside Wyatt.

Here’s the Ascension for a chat. There have been a lot of dominant teams over the years, but they’ll demolish Demolition and throw the Road Warriors off the road. Oh what a rush? Oh what a JOKE. Welcome to the wasteland. JBL of course buries them by saying they couldn’t carry the Road Warriors’ bags and Booker calls them stupid.

Ascension vs. ???/???

Fall of Man in 41 seconds.

Lana and Rusev tell America to stay out of Russia’s business. How dare America disrupt Russia’s tradition and heritage? Only Vladimir Putin can bring this world to peace, and only Rusev is undefeated.

John Cena beat JBL to win his first World Title at Wrestlemania XXI.

Roman Reigns vs. Big Show

Show spears him down to start and steps over Reigns’ ribs. Some kicks have the ribs in even more trouble as the announcers do their job by reminding us that Reigns’ had surgery on his abdomen to put him out of action late last year. A hard knee to the face gets to more and Big Show gets back to stepping on the stomach. We hit the bearhug before Reigns fights back, only to have the Superman Punch blocked. They head to the floor and Show hits him with the steps for the DQ at 4:19.

Rating: F. Failure, for the simple reason that this feud MUST CONTINUE! WHY IS IT CONTINUING??? How can WWE sit there and validate keeping Reigns locked up with Big Show for months on end and think that it’s going to get him over? Just look at this match too: Big Show dominates, swats away Reigns’ big move, and then loses because he beats him up too badly. This was a Big Show squash until the ending, making this match an even bigger waste of time than it looked like on paper. They’re going out of their way to annoy fans at this point.

We recap the opening segment.

Natalya vs. Nikki Bella

Rematch from last week when Natalya lost in a minute. Tyson Kidd isn’t out here after possibly costing Natalya the match last week. Cue Paige, who started a feud with Natalya last night on Total Divas. Natalya shoves Nikki down to start but can’t grab the Sharpshooter. Instead Nikki blasts her in the face as Paige and Brie are about to get into it on the floor. Paige easily destroys Brie but the distraction lets Natalya roll up Nikki for the pin in 1:23.

Paige saves Natalya from a post match beatdown.

Ambrose doesn’t have any new year’s resolution other than beating Wyatt up and throwing him into an ambulance. This match is going to be brutal and end their feud once and for all. That’s the way Dean lives his life and it’s the way he’s ending Bray’s.

The commentators offer their condolences to the family of ESPN anchor Stuart Scott as he passed away yesterday.

Luke Harper vs. Erick Rowan

Noble and Mercury are guest referees. Rowan sends him into the corner to start but the referees get in his way. He nails Harper with a spinwheel kick but the referees argue over who will do the count. Rowan yells at them and eats the discus lariat for a fast count pin at 1:00.

The Stooges beat up Rowan post match, allowing Harper to hit another discus lariat.

We see Cena’s first night as an official member of the Raw roster. That’s the night he was officially anointed as the top star of the company.

The WWE Network is coming to the UK on January 19. Allegedly.

Alicia Fox comes up to Naomi in the back and says they’ll be friends after they’re on different sides in the mixed tag. Fox brags about being part of the Total Divas cast and talks down to Naomi for being off the show. She beats Naomi up and screams a lot until more of the cast comes up to stop her.

We recap Ambrose vs. Wyatt, which has been a series of hardcore brawls since Wyatt cost him the Cell match against Rollins.

Bray Wyatt vs. Dean Ambrose

Ambulance match where you have to throw your opponent in the ambulance to win. This is billed as the end of the story, which I don’t buy for some reason. They quickly fight tot he floor with Wyatt being sent over the announcers’ table and thrown into the crowd. They’re quickly up by the ambulance and Dean has a red cross table. Well of course he does. Bray comes back with a stretcher to the knees and they fight back down to ringside with Wyatt sending him knee first into the post.

Back from a break with Bray splashing Dean in the corner and tossing his hair around. I guess he’s a Kevin Nash fan. Sister Abigail is broken up and the Rebound Clothesline puts both guys down. Bray comes right back with a shot to the bad knee (because he’s smart like that) and they head to the floor again. Up to the ambulance and Dean is able to clothesline him off the stage for a nice spot. Bray sends him into the ambulance….where there’s a chair waiting. Dean pelts it at Wyatt’s head but of course the fans only want tables. I’m so sick of hearing that chant every single week.

Another clothesline drops Bray but the knee is too banged up for Dean to give it the full effect. Ambrose nails him with the back board from a stretcher before loading up the red cross table. He lays Bray on it….and looks at the ambulance. With the limp slowing him down, Dean gets on top of the ambulance and drops the elbow to drive Wyatt through the wood, with the table breaking so clean that it ruins almost the entire visual. Not that it matters as Bray hits Sister Abigail into ambulance door. Dean is still able to fight out though, only to take a slow motion Sister Abigail on the concrete to give Wyatt the win at 19:40.

Rating: B-. The violence was fun but this felt like it went on forever. I’m not really sure why am ambulance match is supposed to be the be all and end all of this feud. It wasn’t anything we haven’t seen them do a bunch of times, but at least Wyatt definitively wins the feud and can now move on to something else. Good brawl, but I’d have liked them to go on and do something new instead of the same old stuff in a different setting.

Time to insult the fans who still pay for regular pay per view.

Remember that opening segment? Well here it is again.

Usos/Naomi vs. Alicia Fox/Miz/Damien Mizdow

Another Total Divas match. The girls get things going with Naomi throwing Alicia around with ease before it’s off to Miz for a neckbreaker and chinlock on Jimmy. Mizdow gets the tag and is back out three seconds later before any contact. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone else? Miz ax handles Jimmy from the apron to the floor and it’s back to the chinlock. Jimmy finally escapes and makes the hot tag as everything breaks down. In the melee, Jimmy has to stop himself from running into Naomi, allowing Miz to roll Jimmy up with a handful of the tights for the pin at 4:12.

Rating: D. This show is dying before our eyes. The story is starting to drag as there’s really no reason for these people to be fighting anymore, other than the required crutch of a rematch that they just have to have. If they wanted to make things interesting they would have Fox get the new projects that were promised to Naomi to show her that Miz was lying to wrap things up, but something tells me the Naomi part is just going to be dropped.

WWE Network song.

Ryback vs. Seth Rollins

Wait a second as Kane comes out to make it a handicap match.

Kane/Seth Rollins vs. Ryback

Ryback runs into Kane’s uppercut to start but comes back with the Thesz Press and Warrior splash for one. Off to Rollins who bails in the face of a monster like a villain should. We get a Flair slam from the top and Kane is sent outside as well as we take a break. Back with Ryback fighting out of a chinlock but eating a dropkick from Rollins. Rollins chokes a bit and Kane puts on one of the worst chinlocks I can ever remember seeing. It’s like when you’re a kid and you do wrestling moves to your friends but you don’t know what you’re doing and it looks horrible, but this is a former World Champion doing it instead.

Ryback suplexes Kane down for a breather and nails Rollins with a nice spinebuster. The Stooges offer a distraction but Rollins takes the Meat Hook anyway. Kane breaks up Shell Shock but takes it himself, only to have Seth nail the Curb Stomp. He does it again for no particular reason and gets the pin at 11:54.

Rating: D-. END THIS ALREADY! This show has been dragging on and on for the last two hours and I have no idea who thinks this is a good idea. Rollins getting the pin makes sense but if all the fans pass out due to boredom, no one is going to care. Also, well done on giving Ryback the big promo last week and then jobbing him here. You could have at least made this Rollins and Rusev to help build the match, but instead let’s just get Kane out there.

Big E. vs. Adam Rose

Rose actually takes over to start and throws Big E. into the corner before slapping on a chinlock. Big E. makes his comeback but we’ve got masked men for the DQ at 1:50.

Big E. takes a powerbomb/Blockbuster combo and the masked men are Cesaro and Tyson Kidd.

Preview of tonight’s new episode of Countdown.

Here’s the Authority to introduce Cena for John Cena Appreciation Night at 10:58. We see the ending of last week’s show again and Stephanie calls Cena her hero. HHH says he thought Cena was horrible when he debuted and then he had to sit through all those years of hustle, loyalty and respect. Last week though, Cena changed his mind when Cena brought back the Authority. This ring is all that matters to HHH and before the night is over, a lot of people are going to appreciate John Cena (it didn’t make sense when he said it either).

HHH brings out Ryback, Rowan and Ziggler, none of whom have had a good night. He recaps how everyone joined Team Cena and now it’s time for the punishments: Rowan is suspended for thirty days, Ryback is suspended for sixty days, and Ziggler….has to wait while the Authority walks up the aisle in a conference about what to do. Their decision: they’re all fired. HHH: “LET’S HEAR IT FOR JOHN CENA!” Music plays, confetti and balloons fall, and Stephanie does a little dance to end the show.

Overall Rating: F+. The plus is only due to some good action when they could get away from the stories. This show was downright infuriating as they basically forgot everything interesting and entertaining from last week and took us back to the stupid Survivor Series fallout, which has now gone on longer than the build and pay per view itself. They were packing every single thing they could into this show and making sure that the fans had as little fun as possible.

Above all else though, this show lost me with how the announcers talked about Ascension. I know the team isn’t for everyone, but this company’s philosophy seems to be “let’s put every possible thing against the new guys and see how hard they’re willing to get it over.” Then when it fails, oh well it wasn’t the company’s fault for whatever reason. The announcers referred to the new team as stupid and basically called them worthless. I’m so glad they got a year as NXT Tag Team Champions only to be shot down like this a week after they debut.

That’s just part of the downside to this show. It just went on and on and kept feeling like they were trying to get on the fans’ nerves. And for what? To set up some big moment where the Authority is defeated? Again? As in after they were defeated at Wrestlemania and then again at Survivor Series? I’m supposed to care that they lose again, only to come back a few months later like nothing ever happened? This show drove me crazy and I gave up on it about an hour in. If this is the start of the Road to Wrestlemania, we’re in for a long, long ride.

Results

Bad News Barrett b. Dolph Ziggler – Bull Hammer

Ascension b. ???/??? – Fall of Man to #1

Roman Reigns b. Big Show via DQ when Big Show used the stairs

Natalya b. Nikki Bella – Rollup

Luke Harper b. Erick Rowan – Discus lariat

Bray Wyatt b. Dean Ambrose – Wyatt threw Ambrose in the ambulance

Alicia Fox/Miz/Damien Mizdow b. Naomi/Usos – Rollup with a handful of tights

Big E. b. Adam Rose via DQ when Cesaro and Tyson Kidd interfered

Seth Rollins/Kane b. Ryback – Curb Stomp

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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Smackdown
Date: January 2, 2015
Location: Norfolk Scope Arena, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tom Phillips, John Bradshaw Layfield

So the Authority is back because WWE can’t wait more than a few weeks without having a full time heel GM running the show. Other than that, Edge and Christian are allegedly in charge tonight, despite filing a multi-million dollar lawsuit against WWE on Main Event, because if there’s one thing WWE fans like more than evil authority figures, it’s the fun characters filing lawsuits. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the ending of Raw. Seth Rollins is awesome in this heel role and comes off as evil when he’s given the chance. I remember thinking that if he really wants to nail this, he’ll go to stomp Edge anyway, and that’s exactly what he did.

A somewhat subdued E & C open things up as Cole brings up the lawsuit. Edge (in a Cesaro shirt this time) says he’s played the scene from Raw in his head over and over and it’s his fault. He apologizes for what happened, but there’s nothing they can do physically to Rollins. Don’t worry though because there’s a John Cena sized missile coming after Rollins very soon. They have an amazing show planned and there’s nothing the Authority can do about it.

Before they can though, we see a limo on screen with the Stooges alone getting out. They head to the ring with Mercury holding a document. Edge suggests they climb under the bottom rope next time because it’s better suited to their height. The document is a prepared statement from the Authority, which says they didn’t know what Rollins was going to do on Monday.

The Authority officially apologizes and won’t interfere with Edge and Christian running Smackdown tonight, but the Stooges will be their official observers tonight. Edge smiles and makes his first match of the night: the Stooges vs. Ryback. The Stooges panic so Edge makes it Ryback vs. Big Show. Christian agrees that that’s a main event in any arena in the country, but thinks he can one up Edge with Rusev vs. Roman Reigns. Noble says this is going on their permanent files. Edge: “You know I don’t work here right?” He gets in their faces and says he and Christian are running things tonight, period.

Erick Rowan vs. Bray Wyatt

Bray tells Rowan to lay down because they’re not meant to fight. Erick goes right at him and drives Bray face first into the buckle but misses a charge into the post. Bray asks why Rowan is doing this to him and puts Rowan on the mat with his head against the post. He tries what looked like a clothesline and clearly didn’t touch Rowan’s head so I’m not sure what effect that was supposed to have. I know a lot of moves don’t connect but you can usually tell what they were supposed to be.

Back in and Rowan pops up because his genius IQ (remember that?) insulates his skull or something. He slams Bray around a few times and the fans buy into the false hope of the comeback attempt. Rowan slowly picks Bray up and says he’s sorry, only to eat Sister Abigail for the pin at 4:02.

Rating: D+. So is Rowan possibly going back to Wyatt? It’s better than whatever he’s doing now, which seems to be turning into a genius then forgetting about it while he jobs to Big Show. As usual, WWE builds someone up, gets bored with them and throws them out of their crib like a baby with a toy more than a week old. In this case though it was about two matches as Rowan has been treated like a joke since the day after Survivor Series.

Bray looks remorseful after getting the pin, almost like he feels sorry for having to hurt Rowan. Wyatt grabs the mic and says he gave their only begotten son. If he’s willing to do that to someone he loves, what is he going to do to Dean Ambrose on Monday? It’s been fun, but all good things must come to an end. Their story ends with Dean in the back of an ambulance. Follow the buzzards.

Edge and Christian make sure the Stooges hear them practicing the Five Second Pose. The Stooges cut it off and do it themselves in a bit that really isn’t as funny as they were shooting for.

R-Truth/Usos vs. Goldust/Stardust/Adam Rose

Rose tries to do WHAT’S UP and gets booed out of the space he’s standing in (there was nowhere near enough of a reaction for it to be out of the room). Truth even takes us back to the past with a WHOMP THERE IT IS! Adam tries the same and gets rolled up for two. Jey comes in and is quickly sent to the floor as we take a break. Back with powerslamming Jey for two. Goldust: “COME ON KEY!” At least that’s what it sounded like.

Off to Stardust to stand on Jey’s chest as the announcers go over the history of the Dusts and the Usos. They even manage to make that sound dull as there’s just no emotion in Phillips’ voice and it’s clear that he’s just reading this off a piece of paper in front of him. Go watch some Gorilla and Jesse to learn how to sound interested in something, even if there’s nothing interesting to talk about.

Jey gets popped in the mouth by Rose but knocks Adam and Stardust off the apron before backdropping Goldust out next to them. Jimmy (Uso, not Little Jimmy) comes in with some clotheslines for Rose and there goes the orange shirt. Everything breaks down and Truth dives onto Goldust, setting up the superkick and Superfly Splash to Rose for the pin at 8:20.

Rating: C-. So I guess it’s back to the Usos vs. Goldust/Stardust because almost a year of the same idea isn’t enough. I still can’t believe how badly they screwed up Rose. He should have had a job for years from just coming out to start a house show, getting the fans to dance and beating a low level heel (“This isn’t some party! This is business!”) in two minutes before dancing away. In other words, he should have been the PG version of the Godfather. Instead he’s this: a guy that feuds with a Bunny and R-Truth over a battle of rollups. Stop making things more complicated than they should be.

The Rosebuds try to go after Truth and the Usos and are dispatched with ease. The Usos steal their hats and it’s time to dance.

We look back at Bryan’s announcement from Raw. That’s such good news to hear as he’s worked so hard to get where he is and now he gets to keep going.

Ryback vs. Big Show

We get a clip of Ryback’s big speech on Monday where he talked about his career, including the bad leg injury he suffered back in 2010. The fans look so bored as Big Show comes through the curtain. Show easily shoves Ryback out to the floor and drags him back in by his head. Back in and Ryback drops him with some middle rope ax handles, but unfortunately that’s the extent of Randy Savage’s influence on this match.

We take a break and come back with both guys trading clubbing blows until Big Show drops him with a boot. Show goes after the leg, showing some thinking after Ryback mentioned the ankle and leg injuries almost ending his career. He takes Ryback’s knee pad down and lifts him up by the leg to stay on it. Off to an old school Lasso From El Paso but Ryback is right next to the ropes. I miss that hold but it wasn’t as good as the Haas of Pain. Big Show slams him down, making sure that the leg hits the ropes.

Ryback sends him out to the floor for a breather before firing off some shoulder blocks. A Thesz Press and Warrior Splash have Show in trouble but Ryback has to limp for a bit to pretend he knows how to sell. Doing your usual offense and then limping isn’t the same thing as selling an injury. The chokeslam is countered into a spinebuster but the Russian flag drops to break up the Meat Hook. The distraction lets Big Show KO Ryback to the floor for the countout at 11:30.

Rating: D+. This was a decent enough power match until Ryback just popped up and stopped selling the leg until he got his offense in. Big Show basically wasted his time on the leg, especially with the ending they went with. That being said, it wasn’t the worst idea in the world as they kept both guys looking strong, and you know Big Show isn’t going to lose a match when he can knock someone out and look dominant, because Big Show exists to be pushed as hard as he can.

JBL tries to save Ryback by saying he wasn’t completely out cold from the KO. In other words, he was starting to move his limbs at six. That’s his consolation prize. Rusev comes after Ryback but takes a Meat Hook to knock him outside again.

Christian is in the bathroom so Jamie Noble goes in to keep an eye on him. A woman screams and Edge says that was the women’s bathroom. COMEDY!

Cesaro/Tyson Kidd vs. Los Matadores

Thankfully they haven’t used the rumored name The Masters Of The WWE Universe for Kidd and Cesaro yet. They say they’re glad the Authority is back and want the titles in an inset interview. Fernando runs into Kidd’s elbow to start and his suicide dive hits Cesaro’s uppercut. Back in and Kidd hammers away before it’s off to Cesaro for a chinlock. Not the most exciting stuff in the world here.

They pick things up a bit with the Cesaro Swing into the dropkick from Kidd. That’s a really good spot when they can time it right. Kidd gets dropkicked out of the air and the lukewarm tag brings in Diego. Everything breaks down and Diego gets caught in a Cesaro powerbomb with Kidd adding a Blockbuster for the pin at 4:02.

Rating: D+. Kidd and Cesaro had some good double team spots but there aren’t enough of them to carry a match. Los Matadores were fun for awhile but they’ve dropped down to what people were expecting them to be when the gimmick was introduced: standard high flying jobbers that might get the crowd going for a few moments before losing. Dull match.

Dean Ambrose vs. Curtis Axel

The match never starts as Ambrose goes after Axel before the bell and lays him out with Dirty Deeds.

Ambrose grabs the mic and walks up the ramp, saying he hopes Bray is listening. They have the first ambulance match in the history of Monday Night Raw to kick off 2015. Dean walks up to an ambulance next to the ramp and promises to run Bray over, then break all of his fingers, then run him over again, then attach him to the ambulance and drag him around the arena. Then he’ll FINALLY put him into the ambulance and drive him away for a Happy New Year.

Ascension says first it was Hawk and Animal, then it was Ax and Smash, but now it’s Viktor and Konnor. I like that they’re acknowledging that they’re a modern version of the old school power tag team.

We look at the end of Raw again. Lesnar standing off in the background and looking annoyed intrigues me.

Ascension vs. ???/???

Ascension has gained 21lbs combined since Raw as they came in at a laughable 480 there and 501 here. Viktor fires off elbows in the corner to jobber #1 before it’s off to the 280lb Konnor, allegedly putting Viktor at 221. I have a problem believing he’s within a few pounds of CM Punk’s listed weight. After beating on #1 some more, the Fall of Man ends Jobber #2 at 1:20.

Edge and Christian are in the Authority’s office when the Stooges come in and say they need to get it ready for the Authority’s return. Is there a reason they’re setting up an office in Virginia when Raw is being held in Corpus Christi, Texas? The Stooges leave and the Canadians draw on the Authority’s Muscle and Fitness cover. This needed more Slick references.

Rusev vs. Roman Reigns

Non-title. Feeling out process to start with Rusev getting the first blows in as he stomps Reigns down in the corner. They’re being very liberal with the piped in chants again tonight. Reigns nails a quick clothesline to put Rusev on the floor and we take a break. Back with Reigns fighting out of a front facelock and snapping Rusev’s throat over the top rope. Rusev takes him down to the mat with a waistlock and the fans just go silent. The Russian mixes things up with a chinlock and the release fall away slam for two. Yet another chinlock makes me groan out loud.

Reigns blocks a ram into the buckle but Rusev throws him out to the floor. Back in and they shove each other a few times until Reigns nails some running clotheslines. A dropkick stops the Superman Punch but Reigns nails the second attempt. Reigns has to throw Rusev back inside and here’s the required Big Show interference. He doesn’t touch Reigns but eats a Superman Punch so we’re not done yet. The jumping superkick gets two but Reigns pops up with the spear, drawing in Big Show for the DQ at 13:12.

Rating: D. If this is the best they’ve got for Wrestlemania, they’re in big, big trouble. Reigns isn’t even bad in the ring or anything. He’s just REALLY boring a lot of the time, but to be fair a lot of this match was dull because of all the chinlocks and facelocks Rusev kept using. Reigns needs a lot more seasoning and a lot more character development before he’s ready for anything resembling a big time main event. There’s no emotion behind him and the best main events of Wrestlemania, or any major show for that matter, are usually built on the emotion the stars bring to the match.

Another thing working against this match was how obvious the ending was. The only question was whether it would be Ryback, Big Show or both guys interfering to cause the DQ. In other words, we sat through a boring match with an obvious ending to continue a feud that not a lot of people want to see to end a really dull show. Happy New Year people.

Post match Big Show spears Reigns and loads up a chokeslam, only to be slammed face first into the table. Show loads up another spear but misses and goes flying over the announcers’ table. Reigns turns the table over on Show to finally end the night.

Overall Rating: D-. I don’t know how fair it is to criticize Reigns at the moment because he’s stuck in one of the least interesting feuds I can remember in a very long time. This feud should have lasted all of two weeks but somehow they’re stretching it into the new year and it dies a little more every time they drag it out. We’ve seen Big Show built up as a monster for the better part of twenty years now and the story of someone bringing him down is the same almost every time. Why should we care more about it with Reigns instead of everyone else that has done this story over the years?

Other than that….dang this show was dull. The big problem here is they’re stuck in a holding pattern until Monday when the Authority is back full time, making tonight just a placeholder show until things really pick up on Monday, complete with slow speaking twenty five minute opening speeches with a bunch of “I told you so’s”. The wrestling was nothing special and felt like a waste of my time for the most part.

That being said, there’s a good deal of hope for the future as the Rumble field is shaping up and Lesnar is wide open after Cena. It’s Wrestlemania season and hopefully that means they’re going to put in some efforts and fresh ideas instead of the same tired old feuds and stories. Maybe this is the last of the bad shows for awhile, but I’m not thrilled with what they’ve done with Smackdown in the last few weeks. This show was a disaster and really felt like a chore to sit through rather than something I was supposed to enjoy.

Results

Bray Wyatt b. Erick Rowan – Sister Abigail

Usos/R-Truth b. Adam Rose/Goldust/Stardust – Superfly Splash to Rose

Big Show b. Ryback via countout

Cesaro/Tyson Kidd b. Los Matadores – Powerbomb/Blockbuster combo to Diego

Ascension b. ???/??? – Fall of Man to #1

Roman Reigns b. Rusev via DQ when Big Show interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 29, 2014
Location: Verizon Center, Washington D.C.
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the final show of the year and WWE has managed to double book the show. There’s a house show in Virginia tonight, meaning a lot of the roster is going to be there instead of here for Raw. We do however have Cena and Lesnar guaranteed and the potential debut of the Ascension to keep us until the full roster is back to start the new year. Also in some breaking news, Daniel Bryan has a major announcement which could mean his retirement. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of Edge’s retirement a little less than four years ago. That was such a shocking moment and actually got to me a little bit. He and Christian are hosting tonight, which should be a lot of fun if they just let those two have fun.

Here are Edge and Christian to open things up. Chimmel (before doing the voice cracking deal) lists off their resumes and it’s hilarious to hear how much more Edge accomplished as a singles guy. Christian thinks we should have this show E&C style, which Edge, who appears to be wearing a Sami Zayn shirt, likes. That means we should have a special edition of the Peep Show, which Edge doesn’t like. Why not have it be the Cutting Edge instead of something that sounds like a perverted idea from the 1920s? Instead it’s going to be a Cutting Edge Peep Show with special guest Seth Rollins.

The fans aren’t thrilled, so Edge makes Rollins vs. Reigns to make them feel better. It’s Christian’s turn now as he makes Rusev vs. Ziggler in a Champion vs. Champion match……and they’ll both be completely sans clothing? Christian: “Maybe just Lana then?” He tries to get the fans back by asking if the fans would like to see Daniel Bryan and I’ll let you guess the reaction. We’ll wrap it up with a five second pose, but here’s Brock Lesnar instead. Of note here, Lawler says that both Edge AND Christian are retired, which I believe is the first official confirmation for Christian.

Heyman says both guys are too damaged to be in the same ring with someone like Lesnar, so Brock won’t hurt either of them. Instead, Heyman thinks Lesnar wants to “penetrate the virgin neck” of John Cena. Cue Cena as the Canadians kind of hide in the corner. Cena isn’t going to knock Lesnar into 2015 so he doesn’t have an excuse at the Rumble. He does have a new year’s resolution to take that title off him at the Rumble. Cena grabs Heyman by the throat but throws a charging Lesnar up for the AA, only for the champ to bail to the floor.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Rusev

Non-title. Ziggler gets in a few cheap shots to start but Rusev nails him in the face to take over. This time the announcers talk about how no one has beaten Rusev, but don’t suggest Ziggler could be the one to beat him. Instead they’re too busy getting in Ziggler buzzwords like “stealing the show”, because getting in buzzwords and catchphrases has replaced the idea of actually calling a match. Ziggler comes back with a dropkick and the swinging DDT as we head to a break.

Back with Rusev in control and putting on a side choke instead of having one on already. We get a full screen replay of Ziggler getting catapulted into the corner from the App, which isn’t the worst idea during a chinlock. Dolph fights up and tries a high cross body, only to get caught in the fall away slam. Ziggler escapes that as well and nails a middle rope dropkick to put both guys down. He tries something like the Stinger Splash (which may or may not be a tribute) but has to settle for ducking the superkick and nailing the Fameasser.

It might have injured his knee though, allowing Rusev to throw him by the leg into the corner for a smart move. What isn’t a smart move though is trying a splash when Ziggler is down in the corner. Moves like that just get on my nerves because there is no logical reason to try something like that. A kick (clearly missing) to the knee has Ziggler in trouble and Rusev stomps away in the corner for the DQ at 10:10.

Rating: C. The match was decent enough and the ending was the most logical, as at least Ziggler didn’t get destroyed and then win at the end. I’m still not feeling Ziggler on this massive push that some see, but at least he isn’t jobbing clean on free TV anymore. I’m also glad that they didn’t make this title for title as that would have made the ending even more obvious than what we had here. Ziggler could use a feud too.

Rusev puts Ziggler in the Accolade in the ropes (doesn’t really add anything) until Ryback makes the save.

Time to insult fans who are still buying the pay per views, because telling someone they’re an idiot for giving you $55 is certainly going to make them want to pay you $10 a month right?

Ryback is still in the ring after a break and he has something to say. Ever since he debuted in the WWE as Ryback (his words), there are a lot of things about him that you don’t know about him. He was a guest bell ringer at his first WWE show when he was twelve years old. Then ten years ago he got his start on Tough Enough as the Silverback. We get a clip of Ryback, then known as Ryan Reeves, being eliminated.

After that, he lost his dream job and fell into a deep depression. He didn’t talk to his family for over a year and got a job at some barbecue joint in Louisville, Kentucky with only a stack of Wrestlemania DVDs to get him through his time. Then he read a book called the Secret on being positive. It changed his life and shortly thereafter he got rehired by WWE, leading to him making his redebut as part of the Nexus. We see a clip of the awesome Nexus beatdown that introduced us to the Meat Hook.

Then he broke his ankle and leg in three places in a match in Hawaii and missed a long, long time. This led to the debut of the Ryback character, which leads us to a package on Ryback’s domination. Now he’s here, which brings Ryback to Rusev. This isn’t about the USA vs. Russia. It’s about one big guy beating up another big guy, because Ryback likes to eat big negative people. Then he looks at someone like Rusev and says FEED ME MORE.

Did I mention that half the roster isn’t here tonight and they need to fill in time? I’ll give them this though: I’d much rather have a reason to care about someone like Ryback than some lame comedy match or a bunch of chinlocks. This was a far better use of time than I was expecting so at least it could have been worse.

Nikki Bella vs. Natalya

The idea here was that Tyson was wearing a Nikki Bella hat last week and Natalya isn’t happy. To continue the annoying run of commentary buzzwords and terms, Cole says a win here could put Natalya in the title hunt. WELL WHAT ELSE HAS SHE BEEN IN FOR WEEKS NOW??? Not that it matters as Natayla kicks Nikki off the apron and into Tyson’s arms, only to have the distraction let Nikki hit the Rack Attack for the pin at 1:05. So much for Natalya’s push. Cole: “Let’s see how things play out on Total Divas this Sunday!”

Naomi comes up to hug Miz in the back, because the producers want to meet with her. She even wishes him luck in the title defense against the Usos.

John Cena came in seventh in some celebrity charity deal that no one has heard of nor cares about.

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Miz/Damien Mizdow

This is the TLC rematch due to Miz using the Slammy Award for the DQ. The best thing of this match: JBL dubs Mizdow’s small titles the Subtitles. The Usos aren’t in shirts for a change. Miz hides from Jimmy in the corner to start and of course the fans want Mizdow. They feel each other out a bit until Jimmy sends Miz into the corner for a nice running splash. Off to Jey who eats a chinlock as the announcers, I kid you not, actually talk about the match. Jey goes into slow motion for an uppercut to Miz’s jaw before slapping on an armbar.

An even slower double atomic drop have Miz in trouble but Mizdow comes in to do the same motions. He’s dedicated if nothing else. Both champions go to the floor and the Usos aren’t sure what to think. Jimmy loads up the dive but gets snapped across the top, setting up Miz’s big boot for two. Back from a break with Miz in control on Jey but not willing to tag Mizdow. Jey misses an enziguri but makes the hot tag just seconds later. Now the big dive connects but Jimmy comes up favoring his arm or wrist. I always worry about things like that on those dives.

It doesn’t seem bad, but Miz nails the low DDT for two. Jey and Mizdow are nowhere to be seen and both guys are down. We see Mizdow down on the floor, but for once he isn’t mimicking Miz. There’s the Figure Four on Jimmy but he finally makes the rope. Still no sign of Jey. Another Figure Four attempt is countered into Konnan’s Tequila Sunrise but Mizdow comes in for the save.

It’s Mizdow eating a superkick but Miz grabs a rollup for two. The superkick drops Miz but the Superfly Splash hits Miz’s knees. The Skull Crushing Finale plants Jey for…..two? That’s not a move you see kicked out of that often. Think about it for a second. Almost no one kicks out of that. The hot tag brings in Jimmy for another superkick and a mostly missed double superkick sets up Jimmy’s Superfly Splash to give us new champions at 13:06.

Rating: B-. Well that happened and I’m actually surprised for once. That sequence with the Finale had me checking the match time and my head actually snapping to the side when the three didn’t go down. The sloppiness on the moves at the end brought things down a bit, but this was a genuine surprise and that’s a very nice thing to have on this incredibly predictable show for a change.

Naomi comes out to celebrate and the Usos say they’re going to have a big party with JR’s barbecue and champagne. Jimmy says they played Miz to get where they are here and nothing major happens. Cool surprise here and I’d assume it sets up Usos vs. Ascension.

The announcers hype up Bryan’s announcement and imply he’s retiring.

Video on Shield splitting and the beginnings of Reigns vs. Rollins to set up their match tonight.

Cesaro is in the corner ala Raven for his match but has a mic because he has a few things to get off his chest. 2014 should have been his year. He won the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal at Wrestlemania, but now WWE is telling him that he doesn’t connect. That’s true, because he delivers instead of connect. And who does he not connect with? The WWE Universe? He doesn’t care about connecting with them, because he doesn’t care about anything except what happens in this ring. No one in WWE can hold a candle to him inside this ring, and if anyone back there doubts him, come out here and make his day.

Cesaro vs. Bad News Barrett

Barrett: “It’s me it’s me it’s BNB!” He has some bad news for Cesaro: Cesaro may not care about caring with the fans, but this Bull Hammer is connecting with his head. Cesaro nails him in the face to start and stomps Barrett down in the corner. Barrett looks leaner here and seems to be playing to the crowd like a face for the first time. He knocks Cesaro to the floor but gets dropped face first onto the barricade.

Back in and a very nice top rope ax handle drops Barrett, but the announcers are of course ripping on Cesaro for slipping up and saying no one can touch him inside “these four ropes”. You know, because…..well you get the idea by now. Cesaro hits a great looking German suplex but Barrett kicks him in the side of the head for two. The pumphandle slam is countered into the Cesaro Swing but he pops up with the Bull Hammer for the pin at 3:40.

Rating: C. Well so much for Cesaro’s awesome heel promo. I’m sure there was NO ONE else to have out there for a chat before jobbing to Barrett right? As usual it’s like WWE has no idea how to set up something other than by having someone lose. Not that it matters of course as the commentators CAN’T FREAKING SHUT UP with their stupid jokes and jabs because Heaven forbid someone say one thing wrong. Keep in mind that this is MICHAEL COLE mocking people for slipping up on lines and you’ll see why this is so stupid.

Harper is in the dark again and says people like him are thrown aside like trash. He is a product of our environment and a nightmare come to life. Sweet dreams.

Jack Swagger vs. Luke Harper

Harper knocks him into the corner to start and cranks on Jack’s head a bit. A nice dropkick gets two and we hit the Gator Roll. Jack is able to take it outside though and nails a clothesline as we take a break. Back with Harper holding a chinlock and kicking Jack hard enough that JBL stops mocking Cole and calls the match. We hit another chinlock as the filler for this show continues.

Swagger fights up and hits the usual to set up the Patriot Lock. You know Luke isn’t tapping to that though so it’s a superkick for two. Harper touches the sides of his own head like he’s hearing voices for a bizarre bit that totally fits him. The Patriot Lock gets the same result but the Vader Bomb hits knees. Harper’s discus lariat (JBL: “Clothesline From Smell!”) is enough for the pin at 9:46.

Rating: C-. This is exactly the kind of thing I’d like to see more often: two guys have a match, one guy wins with his finisher, no interference etc. Harper got a win over a guy that means something (work with me here) and does it without Wyatt or any help. This raises his stock and reenforces Swagger’s status as a jobber to the stars. It wasn’t a great match or anything, but it just needed to be Harper getting a win and that’s what we got.

We recap the opening segment.

Cena is talking about the old times in the back with Edge and Christian until Christian brings up the time Edge beat up Cena’s dad. He leaves before death ensues and Cena and Edge have a nice feel good moment to I guess officially bury the hatchet. Wasn’t that buried liked five years ago?

Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns

Big Show is on commentary. Rollins is tentative to start and gets shoved out to the floor for his efforts. They seem to be treating this like a big deal, which is exactly what they should be doing. These guys are going to be the future of the company and a showdown should matter. Back in and Roman goes after the arm for some psychology, including a ram into the buckle.

Big Show says Rollins is the future and should be the Superstar of the Year. For once I actually agree with him. Reigns runs into a boot in the corner and they head outside for a change. It’s Rollins sending him into the corner and we hit the chinlock back inside. Show isn’t exactly being impartial on commentary but he’s actually entertaining by just cheering for Rollins.

Roman fights up and hits a nice powerbomb to send Rollins outside yet again. That goes nowhere so Reigns puts him in the ropes for the Apron Kick. That’s still a cool looking spot, but a distraction by the Stooges lets Rollins knock him into the barricade as we take a break. Back with, of course, Reigns in a chinlock. Seth starts changing strategy by kicking the knee out dropkicking Reigns for two. That ends our interesting idea phase as it’s back to the chinlock. Reigns fights up again but we hit chinlock #3 in about two minutes. No following up on the leg kick or anything. Just another chinlock.

The hold is escaped again but Rollins downward spirals him down into the buckle, only to eat a tilt-a-whirl powerslam for two. A belly to back slam gets the same as Big Show is still playing cheerleader. Rollins pops back up with an enziguri and low superkick for two as both guys are down again. This match really doesn’t have the energy that it should, but the fans haven’t been all that interested in most of the stuff they’ve seen all night. The Curb Stomp misses and Roman sidesteps the springboard knee, setting up the Superman Punch. Not that it matters as Big Show comes in for the DQ at 16:20.

Rating: C. If this is supposed to be their next big guy, they’ve got a major problem. Reigns isn’t the worst guy in the world by any stretch, but he’s just not the guy you want as the top guy right now. There’s nothing wrong with not being ready, but there is something very bad about pushing him as the next top guy when he isn’t ready. It’s crippled people before and it could ruin a lot of things for Reigns. On a side note, at least Rollins didn’t get pinned. They’ve been doing a somewhat better job of not giving bigger names meaningless losses lately.

Big Show throws Reigns over the announcers’ table and shoves all the equipment on top of him. Cole makes a big point of Reigns’ leg being crushed so this might be an injury angle.

Post break, Rollins promises to offer a New Year’s toast to John Cena on the Cutting Edge Peep Show.

We recap Wyatt vs. Ambrose, who will be having an ambulance match next week.

Bray Wyatt, sitting in the back of an ambulance, says everything must come full circle, like an ambulance taking you to a place where life begins an ends. It all ends next week but Dean died long ago. Bray and Bray alone has his soul. He closes the doors and the ambulance drives away.

Here’s Bryan, who JBL declares as being back despite not being gone more than a few weeks at most. Daniel says it’s an honor to be in this ring every single time. Who would have thought that a small kid from Aberdeen, Washington who was labeled a B+ player could have main evented Wrestlemania? No one, except for the fans. Thanks to the people, he beat HHH, Randy Orton and Batista in one night in front of 75,000 people. Five days later, he married the woman of his dreams to complete the greatest week of his life.

Then everything changed. Two days after their honeymoon ended, his dad died. Bryan was here wrestling that night and wasn’t there for his dad. Then a few weeks later, he had a career changing neck injury, and all he could do was sit at home on his couch and watch. All he wanted to do was be here in front of these people competing because it’s all that can take the pain away. He’s starting to cry as he says this.

No one cheered louder than he did when Ziggler got rid of the Authority. It was a great moment but it hurt because he couldn’t be there in the ring. He talked to everyone including Edge, who knows a thing or two about career ending injuries. You reach a point where you have to think about making a decision. He isn’t sure if all of this is worth it or not.

The fans all say NO, but Bryan wanted to make this announcement in front of all of the people. Is his career over? NO. That is not his announcement, because he is ready to fight and compete. His announcement: he will be in the 2015 Royal Rumble! Now THAT woke the crowd up.

Edge and Christian are playing the kazoos when Miz and Mizdow come up. Christian says Miz needs a Tic Tac and Edge has a puppet for a stunt double. They’ll be getting a rematch tonight…..but not for the title and not against the Usos. Mizdow is watching the puppet.

Miz/Damien Mizdow vs. Ascension

We already open with a gaffe, as the Ascension’s combined weight is listed as 480lbs but Cole says Konnor weighs 290 and Viktor 240. Miz immediately hides on the floor, leaving Mizdow to take a big power beating. The Fall of Man (high/low with a running back elbow from Viktor) is enough for the pin at 1:10. This worked.

Rollins would like Lesnar to join he and Cena in the ring next.

It’s time for the first ever Cutting Edge Peep Show with special guest the Walking Pile of Suck (Christian came up with that one) Seth Rollins. The Stooges come out carrying champagne and are dubbed the Geek Squad by the Canadians. Rollins says Edge and Christian pioneered a generation and he might not be here without then. Edge and Christian see this as condescending, but Rollins goes on to talk about what a great year he had.

He ended the Shield, won Money in the Bank, should have been named Superstar of the Year, and has become the future of WWE. Who else has had a better year? “Cena?” “Daniel Bryan?” “Sting?” Edge: “The Doctor of Style Slick?” Christian: “He was a jive soul bro who always lied to his friends.” Rollins, somewhat bewildered by the reference, says he wants to start a new year. The old Seth Rollins is dead and it’s going to be a new version next year.

First of all, Rollins would like Big Show to come out here. Show comes out applauding Rollins, but Rollins gets nothing when he requests Cena. Edge thinks it’s due to Rollins’ lack of charisma. Apparently Rollins wouldn’t have charisma if he had a live sex celebration right here with Big Show. Seth still wants Cena out here and nails Christian with the briefcase. Edge gets in his face but is surrounded and injured.

The villains put Edge’s head onto the briefcase until Cena runs down to ringside. Rollins stops him at ringside and says Cena knows what Seth wants. The announcers point out that Rollins wants the Authority back as Seth says Edge is a husband and father. If Cena wants Edge to be with his wife and play with his kid, Cena better give Rollins what he wants. Let’s find out if Cena is Mr. Hustle, Loyalty and Respect. Bring the Authority back or Edge gets paralyzed.

Cena finally says ok but Rollins makes Noble go to him with a mic to make sure it’s clear. John confirms that the Authority is back but Rollins loads up the Curb Stomp anyway. Cena comes in for the save but the numbers are too high. The Curb Stomp lays out Cena as Big Show tries to start an Authority chant. Lesnar and Heyman come out as Rollins and Big Show celebrate. Heyman shakes Rollins’ hand and the Authority just happens to be here to celebrate. They were there the night after Survivor Series, so they weren’t even gone five weeks. JBL is thrilled to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. They should keep the roster split more often because this show was FAR more entertaining than most of the previous months. The show had a chance to breathe and a lot more stuff happened as a result. In other words, stuff had a chance to make an impact instead of jumping to something else over and over again. The worst part of the packed shows is they have to get in all the comedy/filler stuff instead of letting the important things take their time.

The wrestling wasn’t great tonight, but it felt like the show was in gear again. Between Ryback getting to talk (and not doing badly), Ascension’s debut and Bryan’s announcement, it felt like new stuff happened tonight instead of just rehashing the same stuff over and over again. The end of 2014 wasn’t kind to WWE, so maybe things are going to be looking up going into the new year. It’s better than Big Show dancing in a diaper at least…and then the Authority came back to make the last month plus Survivor Series totally meaningless. Well done WWE. You wasted the best story you’ve had all year to bring them back.

Results

Dolph Ziggler b. Rusev via DQ when Rusev wouldn’t stop stomping in the corner

Nikki Bella b. Natalya – Rack Attack

Usos b. Miz/Damien Mizdow – Superfly Splash to Miz

Bad News Barrett b. Cesaro – Bullhammer

Luke Harper b. Jack Swagger – Discus lariat

Roman Reigns b. Seth Rollins via DQ when Big Show interfered

Ascension b. Miz/Damien Mizdow – Fall of Man to Mizdow

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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Finally, I’m holding a Holiday Special for my e-books: any two of them for just $5.  Check out the details here.

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Last week’s show was the Christmas episode, which has been little more than a dull show with a big main event for years, but the common expectations seemed to be the greatest show of all time, because wrestling fans have short attention spans. Other than that though, Hogan is here as the guest host, Ho Ho Hogan. Let’s get to it.

Hogan opened things up as Santa Claus. I’m really hoping this is better than Santa With Muscles, which really was a disaster, even by Hulk movie standards. That being said, Hulk Hogan as Santa……might be the most amazing thing in the history of ever. Anyway, Hogan made some matches which we’ll get to later, but John Cena interrupted him for the big hero buddy shot.

Cena sang Let It Go. I’m going to pause to let you think about that for a few seconds now. Cena actually praised Rollins for beating him fair and square last week, which is a very cool line to hear. It’s a good rub for Seth because he did in fact win the match without breaking any rules. He wanted Rollins again tonight, so Seth came out for basically the exact same promo Cena has heard for a year or so: go away because it’s my time. Think about it: for the last year, what have you heard said to Cena besides that or “come to the dark side”? Rollins did his usual whining about the Authority and the obvious match was made for the opener.

The match was good as usual, with Cena winning via overcoming the odds. I’m fine with this, as Rollins got his big win the previous week. There isn’t much to say about this one, which is usually the case about good matches. Rollins losing isn’t a problem because a top star like John Cena shouldn’t be losing clean (or semi-clean) to almost anyone. Seth beat Cena last week with all the cheating and that’s all he ever needed to do.

Fandango beat Jack Swagger clean in about two minutes. This one was more annoying than anything else, but the more I think about it, the less there is to get mad about. At the end of the day, Fandango isn’t going to go anywhere. He’s a one idea character who has only gotten the attention he’s gotten because of how he speaks and the good looking women that dance with him. He isn’t going to become a big star or anything more than a midcarder because, barring changing a lot of things about him, he’s about reached his peak.

That brings us to Swagger, who does have room to grow, which is what got on my nerves about him losing. The more I think about it though, the less annoyed I am. Swagger may have room to grow, but he’s been so damaged over the last few years that there’s just no saving him, at least not without a major repackaging. The guy just isn’t going to get any better with this character because he’s been branded as a loser by the fans. That’s almost impossible to come back from and I don’t see it happening with him either.

R-Truth beat Adam Rose in less than a minute. Rose laid out the Bunny post match for what felt like his official heel turn.

Here’s the thing with Rose: he never should have been anything more than the modern day Godfather. He comes out to open a house show, talks about what a fun party this is, gets challenged by some low level heel (Titus, Slater, you get the idea), beats him in like two minutes and dances off while the crowd is fired up and ready to have a good time. That alone should have kept Rose employed for……oh I’d say three years at minimum.

But instead, they decided to give him a character, which hasn’t gone anywhere since it started. It seemed for a bit like they were focusing on the Bunny for awhile, but then that stopped being a thing for about a month and was seemingly dropped. Now no one cares about Rose and the guy that should have been one of the easiest opening acts ever has taken one of the dumbest heel turns I can remember in a long time. In other words, as usual, WWE doesn’t get the idea that some people have a spot and shouldn’t leave that spot no matter what.

Roman Reigns beat Big Show by countout in a quick match. This was just to set up their big showdown later in the future, even though I don’t know of many people who want to see it. People complain about Reigns not being ready, and this is a good example as to why. He’s being dragged down by this feud with Big Show that no one cares about, meaning he isn’t getting to grow.

Big Show continues to be this guy that is just thrown into main event level feuds without ever winning one, but in theory this is why they’ve had him look so dominant for so long recently. For some reason WWE thinks people care about Big Show, because so many people have responded to his recent efforts. The problem with him is simple: when you put EVERYONE over, putting someone else over doesn’t mean as much. Just ask Mick Foley or Chris Jericho.

Ambrose still wants to beat up Wyatt. They’ve reached the point where they’re fighting because they’ve been fighting for months and that’s rarely a good thing.

Natalya made Brie Bella tap out in the usual Bella match. I guess they’re trying to make Nikki the next big deal, but my goodness it’s not working. But hey, some unknown critic likes Total Divas so that’s something right?

In another match where the writers aren’t thinking, Goldust and Stardust lost to Los Matadores and El Torito. Let me repeat that: the heels lost a handicap match to the good guys. In wrestling, the idea behind a face, most of the time at least, is that he’s fighting an uphill battle. Austin was fighting McMahon’s money and power, Hogan was fighting the entire Heenan Family, Los Matadores and Torito were fighting with a three man to two advantage. It goes against the basic logic of wrestling and should have made Goldust and Stardust faces. I’m supposed to boo someone who lost in a disadvantage? That makes no sense.

Ziggler retained the Intercontinental Title over Luke Harper in the same match they’ve had half a dozen times now. I like the matches, but at the same time it’s really hard to care about something we’ve done that many times. Other than that, I didn’t like the spot where Harper no sold a superkick. That’s similar to the stuff from Japan that drives me crazy, though to be fair this was one time instead of five in a single match. At least it was only once, but I really hope that doesn’t become a thing in WWE.

Lana and Rusev were in Piper’s Pit until Ryback came out wearing a big bow. Piper was about as pointless of a cameo as I’ve ever seen here as he served no purpose other than to say he had a surprise for Rusev and bring out Ryback. He wasn’t even funny or serious to make it even less interesting.

Divas, bad match, moving on. The good girls won if you care for some reason.

Jimmy Uso and the Miz had the same match they’ve had a few times now. I still care about the story and want to see where it goes though, which is more than I can say about most of the things going on in WWE today. Nothing is going to matter until Naomi gets directly involved, and that needs to happen sooner rather than later.

The main event was another long match between Ambrose and Wyatt with Dean hammering on Bray for over twenty minutes before losing at the very end. They went with the Christmas presents idea here and opened up a bunch of weapons to make this a fun match. That being said, just like Ziggler vs. Harper, how many times can I sit here and watch these guys fight? The good thing is that Ambrose is still over, but that’s only going to last so long.

Overall Raw wasn’t nearly as bad as people say it was, but it’s still nothing all that great. The good stuff was good, but when they start dogging it with the filler that no one cares about, this show can fall down through a hole that it never recovers from. The three good matches more than carry it to a passing grade, but my goodness some of this stuff, mainly involving the Divas, was incredibly lame. They need to get to Rumble season, which has potential to be awesome, especially if Reigns isn’t a lock to win the whole thing. Acceptable, but still not great or even solid show this week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, I’m holding a Holiday Special for my e-books: any two of them for just $5.  Check out the details here.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/11/28/holiday-sale/

Smackdown
Date: December 26, 2014
Location: Tyson Events Center, Sioux City, Iowa
Attendance: 4,000
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Tom Phillips, Michael Cole

It’s the show after Christmas which means that Hulk Hogan is still in charge tonight. All that means is he’ll make a match and say BROTHER a lot, but that’s at least better than some of the previous bosses this company has had. Other than that we’re still in the dull period before they start caring about the Rumble so let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Hogan walking through the same Christmas set from Raw to open things up. I really wish they would mix those things up a bit more often. Anymore it’s just the same set from Raw but with blue as the main color. Switch things up a bit and make Smackdown feel more unique. Maybe they’ll do that when the show moves back to Thursdays.

Anyway, Hogan has something to tell us brother (1), he’s in charge tonight brother (2). We hear some of his fondest memories from being on Smackdown, including winning the Tag Team Titles with Edge, who will be hosting Raw with Christian on Monday. That’s another thing I wouldn’t mind seeing more of: plug those announcements. It’s simple and quick yet gets the word out there.

Hogan is about to go on but Rollins and the Stooges cut him off. Seth calls him a champion, a Hall of Famer and the embodiment of Wrestlemania. He asks for and receives a handshake before saying if Hogan keeps it up, they might start calling him the Seth Rollins of the 80s. Hogan may have been great, but he doesn’t belong in Rollins’ ring anymore. That’s a bit too far for our American hero, who says he’s running Smackdown tonight. Hogan: “So if you don’t mind brother (3)…” Rollins: “Well I do mind brother. AND DON’T YOU BROTHER ME!”

Seth talks about how great the Authority was for business but now they’ve been replaced by a sideshow act like Hogan. As the future of WWE, this is Seth’s business and he’d like Hulk to officially endorse him. After that, Hogan can get out of this ring because it’s almost 2015. Hulk isn’t sure Rollins is getting out of this ring alive if he keeps talking like that. He can think of several people who could lead this company into the future, like Dolph Ziggler for instance.

Cue Dolph, who calls Rollins the future. If you don’t believe that, just ask Seth because that’s all he talks about. Rollins says Ziggler just doesn’t get it. The future isn’t just a popularity contest and Rollins should just Curb Stomp him right in front of Hogan. How does that sound brother? Ziggler has been curb stomped before and keeps getting up, so what does Seth want to do about it brother?

Here’s Big Show to say that sometime you have to just use force, so now he’s going to come out here and knock out Hogan and Ziggler. This brings out Reigns who tells Show not to come through those ropes unless he wants to get hit in the mouth again, right in front of his wife and kids. Hogan makes the tag match main event and actually doesn’t drop a ninth brother (yes I counted) of the segment.

Kane vs. Ryback

Jobber entrance for Kane. We see Ryback sending Rusev running on Monday before things get going. Ryback fires off to start but runs into a boot to the…..shoulder I think to put him down. So Kane can’t even sell for ten seconds now? Cole crushes several dreams by confirming that Rose and the Bunny have split, partially due to the tombstones from Kane. Ryback grabs a spinebuster and loads up the Meat Hook but we’ve got Russians. He’s still able to escape the chokeslam though and hits the Meat Hook and Shell Shock for the pin at 2:10. Now THAT is what Kane should be used for more often than not.

Rusev gets in the ring for a staredown but Kane comes back in to chokeslam Ryback, setting up the Accolade. I’m still not sure who wins this feud, even though it should be obvious. That’s always a good sign.

After a break, Hogan runs into the Russians to tell Rusev that the US Title is on the line tonight. Giving champions almost no notice to defend their titles is the American way you see, BROTHER. And SISTER!

Alicia Fox vs. Naomi

They start fast with Naomi nipping up, only to eat a kick to the face for two. More speedy kicks get two for Naomi as Miz is watching from the back. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Alicia and we hit the chinlock. That goes nowhere so Naomi heads to the apron for a kind of Twist of Fate onto the top rope. Naomi gets tired of carrying Fox and kicks her in the head, setting up the split legged moonsault for the pin at 3:18. She even throws in counting the pin along with the referee because she’s kind of awesome.

Rating: C. I’m so glad that Naomi is getting an actual story instead of the usual stuff we’ve been seeing with the Divas for years. She’s an athletic freak and, in a description I wish I had thought of, the female Shelton Benjamin. No one in the division can keep up with her and unfortunately it means that WWE doesn’t know what to do with her. It’s good to see that they’ve given her some kind of a story though, because far too often the Divas’ stories revolve around just wanting the title or some catty story that makes them all look ridiculous.

We recap the matches Hogan set up on Raw.

Jimmy and Naomi have a badly scripted conversation about Jimmy beating Miz later tonight.

R-Truth vs. Adam Rose

Rematch from Monday where the Bunny was beaten up by Rose after he lost to Truth. Therefore, Rose comes out sans Bunny and doesn’t even do the fall, waving the Rosebuds off instead. Rose is much more aggressive here and takes Truth into the corner for some mule kick stomping. A nice snap suplex gets two on Truth and we hit the chinlock.

Phillips tries to bring up the incident on Halloween where Truth said the Bunny was the star of the team to set up this mini feud. Since that’s doing his job and keeping up continuity, JBL just buries him in response, saying how stupid the whole thing is. Back up and Truth makes his comeback, only to be sent into the post to set up the Party Foul for the pin at 2:07. Rose actually plays a decent heel, but his in ring work is still average at best.

Here are Rusev and Lana for a chat before the title defense. It’s a short one this time, basically saying Rusev will crush anyone before he faces. Cue his opponent.

US Title: Dean Ambrose vs. Rusev

It’s kind of amazing how Ambrose keeps getting these major matches despite barely ever winning anything. They take turns stomping each other down in the corner to start until Dean ties him in the ropes for chops and the running dropkick. A suicide dive drops Rusev again and Dean grabs a jackknife cover of all things for two.

The fans chant USA as Rusev runs Dean over and drops rapid fire elbows ala Hulk Hogan back in the day. You would think that the Russian imitating an AMERICAN would satiate the fans chanting USA but it doesn’t quite work that way. A chinlock stays on even shorter than usual but Rusev ties him in the ropes and hits a running Vader clothesline to the back knocking him out to the floor as we take a break.

Back with the champ holding a nerve hold before the fall away slam gets two. Ambrose actually escapes the Accolade attempt and avoids a charge, sending Rusev head first into the post. The Rebound Clothesline sets up the standing elbow (love that move) for two and Ambrose’s tongue is hanging out. They head outside with the champion going into the barricade, only to have Wyatt interfere for the DQ at 13:00.

Rating: C+. These matches are like a vacation: they’re fun while they last but you know you’re going to be disappointed by the ending. There was no doubt that it was going to end by countout or DQ because that’s how these things end in WWE. It’s a problem with how the company books its shows anymore but unfortunately it’s something you have to live with. As usual Dean looks good, but when was the last time he had a fall on a show that actually mattered? And no, Tribute to the Troops doesn’t matter.

Rusev leaves and Bray throws Dean over the timekeeper’s area, only to have Dean come up throwing chairs. About five are thrown into the ring and Bray bails as well. I have no idea where they’re going with this, but it’s modern WWE and a major gimmick match doesn’t end anything anymore.

Miz vs. Jimmy Uso

Cole plugs a new app where you’re a backstage assistant in WWE and solve problems which have nothing to do with anything happening in the ring. Levels include identifying a spot as fatty tissue, yelling at someone for not memorizing a script, trying to figure out what the heck the commentators are talking about and finding stronger ear plugs so HHH doesn’t hear the BORING chants.

Miz kicks him down to start but we get a quick chase scene around the ring. JBL, of course, is talking about fast food mascots. Jimmy can’t hit the running Umaga attack but eats a right hand from Jey. Naturally, that’s not a DQ. Back in and Miz begs off to offer more mainstream connections. The fans aren’t really happy with the match stopping for nearly a minute of Miz standing there with his hand out saying “come on let’s be Usos”, so Jimmy hits two superkicks and the Superfly Splash for the pin at 3:08.

Rating: D. I’m liking the idea of the Usos having some singles matches. Of course it shouldn’t lead anywhere because splitting them up for singles runs would be a terrible idea, but I like that they’re not just doing the same tag match every week. Imagine that: trying something else to keep things fresh for the bigger shows. There’s so much in WWE that is going right but at the same time the big problems are just so wrong.

Ascension is coming next week.

Goldust looks at an electric orb and sees that the new year will be……something we don’t get to hear as the ball shocks him. Stardust comes in to say it’s going to be his year.

Seth Rollins/Big Show vs. Roman Reigns/Dolph Ziggler

Ziggler and Rollins get things going as Cole recaps Survivor Series gets an achievement for recapping Survivor Series for the 200^th time. A quick hiptoss has Rollins down so it’s off to the power guys. Reigns can’t get things moving too fast thanks to a shoulder from Big Show. Like the masterful heel that he is, Rollins comes in when Roman is down to stomp away. Reigns is able to get back up though due to the power of wetter hair, allowing for the hot tag off to Ziggler.

The Stooges get involved, and somehow don’t get caught, by tripping up Ziggler as we take a break. Back with Dolph fighting out of a chinlock, only to be catapulted into the corner. The fans display their ventriloquism skills by chanting BIG SLOW without moving their mouths….or anything else for that matter. Reigns smiles at Show as the chant is getting annoying in a hurry. A few fans chant for Reigns but they’re quickly drowned out by BIG SLOW.

Show misses a charge and eats a Fameasser, setting up the hot tag to Reigns. Mercury breaks up the Superman Punch and Seth nails the low superkick for two. The fans chant for Reigns (again with the ventriloquism) and he backdrops out of a buckle bomb attempt. The chokeslam doesn’t work either and Dolph levels Big Show with a superkick, setting up the spear for the pin.

Nah I’m kidding. You know Big Show isn’t going to get pinned when there’s some hotshot with a future to take the fall for him. Rollins sends both opponents to the floor and suicide dives Reigns. Back in and Ziggler breaks up the springboard knee, setting up the spear to Rollins for the pin at 13:13.

Rating: C. The match was your standard main event tag (with another bad ending but I guess that huge fall over Show is supposed to make Reigns) but the chants were the most interesting part. Of course they were piped in, but I find it interesting that they seem more interested in playing down Big Show than playing up Reigns.

They were similar to the LET’S GO CENA/CENA SUCKS chants: yeah they’re against Cena, but they’re not for his opponent. The chants made this sound like it was all about Big Show with the few Reigns chants only lasting a few seconds compared to the near minute of Show chants. I’m not sure what to make of that.

Overall Rating: C-. Yet another worthless episode of Smackdown with whichever main eventers we have on hand being thrown into a tag team main event. The Ryback vs. Rusev showdown still looks good, though I’m not sure they can stretch it out for another four weeks. Other than that, there really isn’t much to talk about here. It’s another basic episode of the same show they’ve done every Friday for weeks now and I get less and less enthusiastic about it every time. Oh wait Kane actually took a fall. He’s been getting a bit better about that.

Results

Ryback b. Kane – Shell Shock

Naomi b. Alicia Fox – Split legged moonsault

Adam Rose b. R-Truth – Party Foul

Dean Ambrose b. Rusev via DQ when Bray Wyatt interfered

Jimmy Uso b. The Miz – Superfly Splash

Roman Reigns/Dolph Ziggler b. Big Show/Seth Rollins – Spear to Rollins

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