Smackdown
Date: March 14, 2014
Location: Verizon Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

The major matches are now set for Wrestlemania and all we have left is to fill in the roster for the battle royal and get the midcard taken care of. Aside from all of the big stuff from Raw, the other top story we might get some more on tonight is Shield having some issues with Kane, which might lead to Kane embracing his hate and dropping the corporate character. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

We look back at Occupy Raw.

Here’s HHH sans Stephanie to open things up. He’s greated by a YES chant and HHH says that must feel good. Monday was one of the greatest nights of their lives and it must have been one of Daniel Bryan’s best nights ever as well. That was their moment in the sun though and Daniel Bryan isn’t here tonight. He’ll be dealt with on Raw and everything will be ended at Wrestlemania, but tonight he has to deal with the fans.

The people chant NO which tells HHH that they would have jumped in the ring and participated had they been at Raw. However, they traded in all of their happy tomorrows for the end of the YES Movement. HHH has protected Daniel Bryan over the last few months by keeping him away from the deep end of the roster so the people could have hope.

That’s what the YES Movement represents: hope for the people and all of their miserable lives. The fans chant for Bryan, who HHH says is just like each and every one of the people here: good, but just not good enough to succeed. At Wrestlemania he’ll crush those hopes and dreams because there will be no triple threat and more happily ever after. However let’s get to business tonight, so get out here Damien Sandow. HHH cuts him off before the apology can get started. Sandow gets a match against an opponent picked by Vickie Guerrero.

Damien Sandow vs. Seth Rollins

This is joined in progress after a break with Seth in full control. Sandow gets in a few shots and Rollins heads outside for a second. Back in and Seth does his backflip in the corner into the downward spiral into the middle buckle. A running forearm in the corner sets up a dropkick but Sandow gets outside to avoid the top rope Black Out. Shield distracts him so Seth can hit a suicide dive, followed by the Black Out for the pin at 2:27. The announcers spent the match arguing about this being a conspiracy.

Ambrose sends Sandow into the ring again for the first Triple Bomb in months.

We look back at Hogan announcing the battle royal.

Fandango vs. Big E.

Non-title. Before the match Fandango enters the battle royal. Fandango takes over to start but Big E. fights up and hits the belly to belly. The Warrior Splash connects and Big E. runs Fandango over, takes down the strap and Big Endings his way to a win at 1:37. Total squash.

We take a quick look at Heyman and Undertaker’s segment on Raw.

Bad News Barrett says the Streak will end and children will cry. Therefore, parents won’t get any sleep and fall asleep at a meeting and get fired.

Real Americans vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust

We recap the Americans’ problems from Monday with Cesaro crushing Jack’s hand. Goldust and Swagger get things going with Goldust scoring off a shoulder and the uppercut. Off to Cody to crank on the arm but Jack drives him into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs. Cody escapes a belly to back suplex and drops to the mat for an uppercut to the face. A springboard dropkick knocks Swagger off the apron and a backdrop puts Cesaro outside but he catches Cody’s plancha in mid air.

Rhodes is gutwrenched onto the floor and we take a break. Back with Cody firing off some right hands and backdropping Swagger to the floor. Cesaro blocks the tag with the Swing (JBL: “He’s swinging him so much his daddy’s polka dots are dizzy!”) but Swagger’s Vader Bomb hits boots.

Cesaro breaks up another tag attempt but the Real Americans argue over a tag. It’s Cesaro staying in with a vertical suplex right in front of Jack. Swagger tags himself in as Zeb is losing his mind. Jack realizes what’s about to happen and knocks Goldust off the apron, only to get caught in a backslide to give Cody the pin at 7:48.

Rating: C-. That loss is all on Swagger and Cesaro shouldn’t get much of the blame. Seriously, how do you lose to a backslide of all things? The lack of a hot tag was a change of pace from the usual formula and it’s kind of nice to see. The pin was a surprise as I’m so used to waiting on the big hot sequence and it was nice to not know what was coming.

The Real Americans destroy Cody post match until the Usos make the save.

We recap Bray vs. Cena from Raw and Wyatt accepting the challenge.

Bray Wyatt vs. Kofi Kingston

Bray’s eyes bug out at the bell and Kofi gets in a right hand, making Wyatt smile. He sits in the corner and shouts at Kingston before grabbing him by the leg and shoving him down. Kofi grabs Bray’s leg and spin kicks Wyatt out to the floor. Back in and Kofi hammers away but Wyatt shoves him down with ease. Kofi comes back with a springboard shot to the head but Bray just throws him over the ropes and out to the floor. A backsplash gets two on Kingston and Bray just runs him over with a clothesline. Sister Abigail is good for the pin at 3:54.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t much to see but Bray’s eyes and power stuff looked good. There’s something so off about him that it’s hard not to watch him every time he’s out there. Kofi is a good sacrificial lamb for Bray or anyone for that matter as he’s going to be the same guy no matter what happens to him.

Kane tells Shield to be at ringside for the main event but they say they don’t listen to him. They’ll be out there because it’s best for business.

Nikki Bella vs. Tamina Snuka

AJ sits in on commentary as Tamina takes Nikki down by the hair. Nikki is sent to the floor and holds her knee, prompting some amusing fake concern from the champ. Back in and Nikki gets slammed down but still avoids the Superfly Splash. AJ tries to figure out who the #1 contender is as Tamina kicks Nikki’s head off for two. Tamina gets bored with Nikki and throws Brie into the barricade for fun. It doesn’t pay off though as Nikki hits the Rack for the pin at 3:13.

Rating: D. Divas, regular match, Nikki’s turn for a push. Next.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio is in the battle royal as well, saying it’s the only thing he has left to win. Ziggler quickly knocks Alberto outside before tossing him right back in for the ten elbows. Del Rio avoids a charge in the corner and double stomps him to the mat and we go to a break. Back with Ziggler (Dolph Showoff according to Cole) hammering away in the corner and getting two off a neckbreaker.

Alberto catches a charging Ziggler in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but the low superkick misses, setting up the jumping DDT from Ziggler. Now the low superkick connects for a close two but Ziggler countered the armbreaker. Ziggler ducks the running enziguri in the corner and hits the Fameasser for an even closer two. Dolph goes up but gets crotched and caught in the reverse superplex for two. The armbreaker is countered again but this time into the Zig Zag to give Dolph the pin at 6:03 shown of 9:33.

Rating: B-. This was pretty much just the ending sequence to a main event match after cutting off all the buildup. I could get used to this idea in matches that don’t mean anything such as this. Del Rio and Ziggler are another of those combinations where they’re fought so many times that I just don’t care to see them ever again. This was entertaining though.

Dolph enters the battle royal and says it will be his Wrestlemania moment.

The next inductee into the Hall of Fame is Carlos Colon.

WWE Network tutorial.

It’s Wyatts time. Luke says everything has been forgotten and the lie has become the truth. Bray says he never sleeps but is always dreaming, and lately his dreams have been of John Cena. They’ll be sharing a war in New Orleans but off in the distance there’s a woman’s voice. Bray can’t understand it but the closer he gets the clearer it becomes. The voice is saying she loves him and how proud she is of Bray. Now he sees Cena for what he’ll become. Eventually he’ll be a lonely old man full of regret. Cena shouldn’t worry about a thing because he’ll make it quick. Follow the buzzards.

Kane vs. Big Show

Shield is nowhere in sight. Kane whips Show across the ring but Show does the same to him as Shield comes to ringside. A headbutt drops Kane and a chop sends him to the floor, right in front of the Shield. Back in and Kane avoids a knee drop and gets two off a low dropkick. We hit a leg lock on the bigger monster but Big Show counters out with pure leg strength.

Back up and Kane gets two off a running DDT but Show breaks the chokeslam attempt. Show runs him over with a spear but rolls to the floor to glare at Shield. He goes up but gets chokeslammed off the top for two. Shield gets on the apron and Kane orders them to attack but Shield bails and Kane walks into a bad looking chokeslam (thankfully the camera hid it) for the pin at 5:30.

Rating: D. These guys just are not fun to watch. WWE has this theory that you can put these two against each other and it’s going to be entertaining because they’re both big and strong. They’ve fought several dozen times over the years and I don’t remember any of them being anything better than watchable.

Reigns spears Kane to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. There were some decent matches tonight but a lot of them were just quick ones that didn’t really add anything. It was nice to see some stuff actually happen here, such as the battle royal growing and the Hall of Fame announcement, but there still wasn’t much of interest to this show. You have to expect that once Wrestlemania is made though.

Sheamus vs. Heath Slater was taped but not aired. That appears to be a thing they’re doing on Smackdown anymore. The spoilers indicate it’s presented as part of the taping and not a dark match. Sheamus won via Brogue Kick in about five minutes.

Results

Seth Rollins b. Damien Sandow – Black Out

Big E. b. Fandango – Big Ending

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Real Americans – Backslide to Swagger

Bray Wyatt b. Kofi Kingston – Sister Abigail

Nikki Bella b. Tamina Snuka – Rack

Dolph Ziggler b. Alberto Del Rio – Zig Zag

Big Show b. Kane – Chokeslam

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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We’ve got a lot to cover this week after a huge Raw last night.

 

First up was Hogan making his announcement that he could rip the bumper off a Cadillac (jack) and wanting to wrestle the whole neighborhood. Other than that the big announcement was the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal which is a great way to put thirty names on the card. That’s the best way they can go about doing so as the roster is huge and they couldn’t fit everyone in without having about thirteen matches with a bunch of multi-man matches. The battle royal also opens up the possibilities of some new faces, hopefully from NXT.

 

After the announcement, John Cena showed up to praise Hogan and throw his name in the battle royal. While a lot of people may not like them, Cena and Hogan are two of the biggest stars of all time and seeing them together for a glorified photo-op is worth seeing. After the usual speeches, the Wyatts showed up with Bray making an incredible speech with the great line of if Cena looks up at him he’ll see a friend, if he looks down at Bray he’ll see an enemy but if he looks Bray in the eye, he’ll see a god.

 

Cena responded with the usual jokes and a Jimmy Buffett song. You knew this was coming and thankfully it was just a quick blast of jokes before he went on to challenging Wyatt for a match at Wrestlemania. Later in the night Bray accepted the challenge after saying he saw Cena’s future in Hogan. There’s probably a lot of truth in that and an interesting look at where we could be moving with Cena’s character. At some point Cena is going to start facing the end of his career and it’s going to be interesting considering how WWE is his life. That’s a very interesting idea and something we haven’t ever really gotten to see.

 

Oh and Cena beat Rowan after getting destroyed (just like he was by Cesaro) before getting a quick pin. Rowan has a future and has looked very good in his two matches with Cena and Bryan.

 

Moving on we had the Authority demanding an apology from Daniel Bryan. I’ll save the rest for later as it’s a huge moment.

 

The Usos beat up Ryback and Curtis Axel in a quick match and it’s pretty clear the Outlaws are getting a rematch at Wrestlemania. Not much else to say here.

 

Kane made Shield vs. the Rhodes Brothers, saying their problems started when they lost the Tag Titles. The Shield said that Kane was deflecting his anger from losing two straight matches last week on them. It seems like a way for Kane to leave the Authority by giving into the inner hate and losing his corporate image. It makes sense and is the logical progression for the character, assuming they go there.

 

Big E. beat Swagger with the second rollup finish in under three and a half minutes of the night. The story here though was the Real Americans being forced to shake hands after Cesaro refused to help Swagger cheat. Again it implies a face turn for someone which is interesting given how strong he’s been pushed lately.

 

We got Undertaker doing his usual Wrestlemania promo on Brock Lesnar after being interrupted by Paul Heyman. There isn’t much to say here as it was the same stuff we’ve always heard: Brock will dominate, Undertaker is unbeatable, the match will be a way. The most intriguing part here was the commentators saying Brock had almost no chance at Wrestlemania. That’s not something you hear that often and it’s another interesting twist to the match.

 

One other note: Paul Heyman mentioned that Shawn Michaels had never won two straight matches at Wrestlemania. Incorrect, as he won at Wrestlemanias VII and VIII. Yeah VII was the Rockers but Undertaker won a handicap/tag match at Wrestlemania XIX so pick one or the other.

 

Shield vs. Rhodes Brothers was exactly what you would expect after these teams fighting over and over. Cody and Goldust are pretty much done as a top tag team but it’s nice to see that they haven’t split. The Black Out from Rollins was awesome looking though and is a good finishing move for him.

 

Next up was the Divas match which continues to prove one simple truth: the Bella Twins are not very good in the ring. You can see them making sure to go through every single spot step by step without being natural about it at all. They’re basically wrestling in swimsuits (nothing wrong with that) but treating them like they can keep up with the traditional wrestlers is just wrong. Nikki pinned AJ and held up the title while looking at Natalya. I’m thinking a multi-woman match at Wrestlemania for the belt.

 

This brings us to the big segment of the night. Daniel Bryan came out for the apology but said tonight he was getting what the fans wanted by occupying Raw. The show went to a break and came back to see probably over 100 fans in and around the ring, all in Daniel Bryan shirts and chanting YES. Bryan stayed on the corner and said the show wasn’t going anywhere until he got his match at Wrestlemania with HHH. The Authority came out and said no way, but security walked away from trying to clear the ring.

 

After a LONG back and forth segment, HHH finally agreed to the match. That still wasn’t enough for Bryan though because he knew the fans wanted to see him wrestling for the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania. Therefore he threw out an idea: if he defeats HHH, Bryan gets inserted into the title match in the main event. HHH said it would destroy Bryan but finally agreed.

 

This was quite the spectacle but it wasn’t perfect. For one thing, the segment went on too long and HHH looked like he just snapped instead of letting this build up over time. On top of that, the Authority just can’t act. Stephanie’s acting has always been a joke but HHH sounds like he’s trying to take it too far. The segment felt a bit forced but it didn’t go terribly.

 

That being said, it got the job done. There was really no other option to get the results that were needed at Wrestlemania short of a fourway which I don’t think would have worked at all. It seems obvious that Bryan wins the title after beating HHH, but I can’t shake a feeling that Batista walks out with the title. I don’t think Bryan loses to HHH of course, but for some reason I think he loses the main event, probably setting up a rematch at Extreme Rules.

 

Sheamus vs. Christian was good and a nice blowoff to their feud. I could have done without the musical instruments stuff, but it was a good brawl with some nice false finishes. Sheamus still does need to lose once in awhile, but at least the match wasn’t a squash. Christian is falling apart before our eyes though and I can’t picture him being around much longer.

 

That brings us to the main event which didn’t mean anything at all. Occupy Raw should have closed out the night and the match just didn’t work as a result. It was basically a reason to get Bryan in there with the title contenders and there’s nothing wrong with that, but the match was a letdown after the bigger moments earlier in the night.

 

Raw last night was all about the heavy lifting for Wrestlemania. We got Bryan vs. HHH, Cena vs. Wyatt and a thirty man battle royal all set up for the PPV. It solved a lot of the problems the show had been facing and gave us some awesome moments in the process. It was a show that needed to happen for awhile now and a lot of things look better. Wrestlemania is a stacked show now with almost everything of note set up. That’s what these shows need to do and they’re doing it quite well.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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We’ll switch from Canada to Puerto Rico today with Carlito.

Carlito is of course the son of legendary Puerto Rican wrestler Carlos Colon and got his start in his dad’s promotion, the World Wrestling Council. To be clear, I don’t know a ton about Puerto Rican wrestling so I’ll keep it simpler with them. From what I can tell, one of Carlito’s (Carly Colon in the WWC) biggest rivals is Ray Gonzales, so here’s their first meeting from January 6, 2000.

Carly Colon vs. Ray Gonzalez

Carlito has almost no hair here and is in a white undershirt and black pants. It’s actually a FAR better look than he had in the WWE. Gonzalez shoves him down to start and slams him for good measure as we’re still in first gear. Carlito comes back with a hiptoss and slam of his own, sending Ray out to the floor. A backdrop puts Gonzalez down and the stalling continues. Since when is Puerto Rico in south Memphis? Carlito hammers away in the corner before jumping over Gonzalez and trying what looked to be a Stunner, sending Ray running to the floor.

The fans are firmly behind Carlito here and he takes Gonzalez down with a headlock. Gonzalez fights up and is sent outside as the very slow pace continues. I think we take a break and come back with Carlito getting two off a rollup. Carlito hammers away in the corner and goes for the legs but Gonzales rolls outside AGAIN. Back in and Carlito counters a backbreaker attempt with a headscissors but Gonzalez slams him down to take over.

Ray pounds away at Carlito’s head but Carlito comes back with left hands of his own. A nice TKO puts Carlito down again but Gonzalez puts on a chinlock instead of covering. This goes on for a LONG while as the announcers freak out about something. Back up and Carlito gets a delayed sunset flip for two but Ray takes his head off with a clothesline and it’s back to the chinlock. Gonzalez elbows him down and goes up but Carlito slams him down with ease.

A rollup gets two for Carlito as things speed WAY up. Ray loads up a foreign object but Carlito kicks it away and avoids a charge. The referee goes down as Carlito puts on a figure four, drawing in a second referee. Ray makes the ropes and kicks Carlito low before going outside to get a shovel. Carlito throws powder in his face though and blasts Gonzalez in the face with the shovel for the pin. A bunch of fans swarm Carlito after the match to celebrate.

Rating: C-. I have a feeling there’s a big story here that I didn’t get at all. I liked Carlito here as his look was FAR easier to take seriously, but at the same time it was clear he didn’t know how to get through a long match. Gonzalez would get the Universal Title a few days after this and drop it to Carlito before the end of the month. Not bad but the story would help a lot.

Carlito stuck around for a few more years before heading to OVW in 2003. After about a year there, he debuted on Smackdown on October 7, 2004. He would actually get a US Title match that night after talking his way onto champion John Cena’s bad side.

US Title: John Cena vs. Carlito Caribbean Cool

They would shorten the name later. Carlito bails to the floor from a ticked off Cena and we’re off fast. A clothesline puts the challeger down on the floor and Cena blasts him in the face with an inflatable hand. Back in and Cena takes him up for a suplex and does squats while holding Carlito in the air. A big backdrop takes Carlito down again and a legdrop gets two. There’s a side slam to send Carlito outside and John whips him into the steps for good measure.

Back in and Cena gets low bridged to the floor and Carlito rams him into the announce table. Carlito rakes the eyes and loads up a piledriver, only to be catapulted into the crowd. We take a break and come back with Cena ramming Carlito into the buckle but missing a middle rope cross body. A suplex gets two on the champion and a slingshot elbow drop gets the same.

We hit the chinlock on John but he fights back with a backdrop. Cena makes his comeback and gets two off the Shuffle but Carlito counters the AA. He bails to the floor and brings in the title belt but it’s only a distraction. The referee takes it away so Carlito gets Cena’s chain and knocks him out cold for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. That’s quite the debut but it doesn’t make him look like anything impressive. I remember watching this live and not getting the appeal of Carlito at all. He looked different but he didn’t do anything to impress me at all. This feud never worked for me either and I’m afraid that’s mainly on Carlito.

Carlito would hold the title for a few months before dropping it to a ticked off Cena in about 30 seconds. He would then pick up a bodyguard in Matt Morgan and face Big Show at Judgment Day 2005.

Big Show vs. Carlito

After a quick Carlito promo running down Minnesota we’re ready to go. Carlito runs a lot until Show finally gets his hands on him. Show chops away as Cole says that’s like hitting yourself in the chest with a frying pan. One, why would you know what that feels like? Two, why would you hit yourself with a frying pan? Three, wouldn’t it be like someone hitting you with a frying pan? Four, why am I paying attention to Michael Cole?

Anyway, Show dominates because Carlito has nothing to fight him with. Morgan interferes and gets in some offense on the floor but Show kicks out of the covers from Carlito with ease. Cole says Show’s head is like a typewriter. How in the world does his head remind you of a typewriter? Show keeps hammering away but accidently elbows the referee. Low blow puts Show down and Morgan pops in for a big boot and an F5 (bad execution, awesome setup) for Carlito to get the pin.

Rating: D. This probably should have been on Smackdown to set up Morgan vs. Show which is a more interesting match. No one was really interested in Show vs. Carlito as Carlito had no real threat to Show at all as you saw here. Pretty boring match but Morgan looked very impressive.

Soon after this Carlito would be sent to Raw and receive an Intercontinental Title shot in his first match on Mondays, facing Shelton Benjamin on June 20, 2005.

Intercontinental Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito

Carlito hammers away to start but runs to the floor when Shelton looks up at him. Shelton tries a dive over the ropes but doesn’t get a running start and hooks his toe on the ropes, leaving him short of Carlito and crashing down onto the floor. That wasn’t on Carlito as he was in place but Shelton didn’t get far enough. We take a break and come back with Carlito getting two off some kicks to the back.

Shelton fights out of a front facelock and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Benjamin goes up top for a top rope clothesline and a two count. He looks very shaky out there after crashing on the floor. A northern lights suplex gets two for the champion but he walks into a DDT for two. Shelton comes out of the corner with a sunset flip for two and a Samoan drop for the same off a very sloppy looking cover. Even JR points out how bad it looked. Carlito grabs a rollup out of nowhere for the pin with a grab of the ropes.

Rating: D+. The match was pretty bad but a lot of that was due to the botch and subsequent injuries. Shelton just did not look right at all after that and it was really messing things up out there. Carlito was getting more into a groove at this point but it still didn’t work all that well.

That win means Carlito won titles in his debut matches as a member of the Raw and Smackdown rosters. After losing the title he would eventually hook up with the newcomer Chris Masters, eventually receiving a Tag Team Title shot at Wrestlemania 22.

Raw Tag Titles: Carlito/Chris Masters vs. Big Show/Kane

The monsters are defending here. Kane and Masters start stuff out and the 6’5 Masters looks tiny by comparison. Show headbutts him from the apron before coming in legally for some chops. A poke to Big Show’s eye slows him down and here’s Carlito who is immediately chopped down. Masters is slammed down as well with Show throwing Carlito over the top and out onto Chris.

Kane goes up top and dives onto both guys as the challengers are in trouble. Somewhere in between there the turnbuckle pad has been removed and Show misses a charge, going head first into said buckle. It doesn’t seem to have much effect though as Show suplexes both guys down with ease. Off to Kane as everything breaks down. Kane pounds away on Carlito in the corner and hits the side slam for no cover.

The top rope clothesline misses Masters though and there’s the Masterlock to Kane. Show breaks it up seconds later but there’s the Backstabber to Kane. The chokeslam is broken up by Masters and Show is sent to the floor. Kane’s double chokeslam attempt is broken up but after causing some heel miscommunication, a solo version to Carlito retains the titles.

Rating: C. Not bad here but this is one of the matches that probably could have been cut for the sake of trimming the show a bit. The match was a squash and not a very interesting one either. That’s the problem with a pair of giants like Big Show and Kane: there’s no one that can stop them and the resulting matches are dull at times. Not bad but it felt like a Raw match.

Carlito would turn face over the summer by hooking up with Trish Stratus. Evil Randy Orton would go after Trish, setting up a quick feud with a match at Unforgiven 2006.

Randy Orton vs. Carlito

I still like Burn in My Light better than Voices. This is more or less the apex of Carlito’s WWE push. Standard stuff to start which is fine. Randy takes over and we get an RKO chant. I love Canadian crowds. So much for that Randy takes over aspect as Carlito hits some nice springboard splashes. Both guys have nice dropkicks also. Orton’s mouth is busted, which today would bring a match to a screeching halt.

It’s chinlock time, which was more prevalent back in the day if you can believe that. Carlito hits a Downward Spiral which is a required move in this company I think. RKO is countered into the Backcracker and is told they have two minutes left. To end it, Carlito does a double springboard into a spinning clothesline. It doesn’t hit though as Orton pulls him into the RKO in a SWEET counter. Awesome ending to a bad match.

Rating: D+. This was rather boring. It’s nothing great at all as the whole thing was about the ending. Carlito was a rather odd worker as he had such a different style but it just never clicked for more than like one match in a row. This was rather short and didn’t really ever get off the ground, but after the long celebration with Trish they’re likely short on time.

Carlitp wouldn’t do much at all for the next year though he would get back into the title scene at Summerslam 2007 in a triple threat match for the Intercontinental Title with champion Umaga and Mr. Kennedy.

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Kennedy vs. Carlito vs. Umaga

No real story here other than Umaga is defending and these two are at the Intercontinental level. Kennedy tries to negotiate and gets punched in the face by Umaga. Carlito loads up the apple but gets punched as well, giving the champion complete control so far. The challengers fall out to the floor and finally start going after Umaga at the same time, though it has the same result. Carlito gets in a cheap shot from behind to send Umaga to the floor and Kennedy rams the champion into the steps.

Back in and Carlito gets two off a rollup but gets caught using the ropes. Everyone in this is either a heel or close enough to call them one. Carlito hits a springboard back elbow to the jaw for two on Kennedy but gets caught in a Stroke for no cover. Instead Kennedy goes after Umaga but gets pulled to the floor instead of getting in a cheap shot. Umaga hits a middle rope headbutt on Carlito but Kennedy saves Carlito from a charging Samoan.

Carlito knocks Kennedy to the floor and gets two on the champion before asking for an alliance with Kennedy. The champion won’t be double suplexed but easily hits one on the other guys. Umaga is back up first to clean house and a spinning Rock Bottom gets two on Kennedy. A superkick puts Carlito in the corner and a running hip attack crushes him again. Kennedy sends Umaga to the floor and hits a rolling senton on Carlito, only to have Umaga come back in with the Samoan Spike on Kennedy for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t bad but this could have been on any given episode of Raw. Umaga was fine for a monster and would soon be slain by Jeff Hardy. Kennedy was supposed to be in a huge story coming up but a Wellness violation derailed those plans. As for Carlito…..there’s just nothing interesting to say about him. He exists and that’s about it.

It would be another year before Carlito would do anything else of note when he hooked up with his cousin Primo. The two received a Smackdown Tag Title shot on September 26, 2008.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Primo/Epico vs. Edgeheads

That would be Zack Ryder/Curt Hawkins defending the titles. Hawkins and Primo get things going with Primo grabbing a quick flying headscissors for two. Off to Carlito for a slam before he drops Primo on top of Hawkins for two. Ryder offers a distraction and Hawkins sends Carlito shoulder first into the post.

Off to Zack who works on the injured arm with a hammerlock before it’s back to Hawkins for some kicks to the back. Armbars a go-go continue as Carlito keeps trying to get over for a tag. We take a quick break and come back with Primo coming in and cleaning house as everything breaks down. Carlito gets a quick tag and a Backstabber to Ryder is enough for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much to see either as they didn’t have time to go anywhere and the arm work was completely forgotten after the break. Hawkins and Ryder weren’t much of a tag team and the division was pretty clearly not going to last much longer. Thankfully that would change soon.

The two Tag Titles would be unified at Wrestlemania 25 with the Colons winning the belts. Here’s a title defense in a triple threat from The Bash.

Unified Tag Titles: Edge/Chris Jericho vs. Colons vs. Legacy

The original two teams won’t let Jericho and Edge in to start which is a nice bit of thinking. Carlito and Ted start and Carlito does a gorgeous moonsault off the top. The team that speaks Spanish has the belts here. They’re trying to keep Edge and Jericho out of the ring, I’m assuming betting they’ll win if they get in, which is kind of odd for faces to be all scared like that. I think the fans are chanting for Christian of all people.

This is similar to the Horsemen/Dungeon of Doom match from Bash at the Beach 96 where Benoit and Anderson knew the Giant would destroy them if he came in so they wouldn’t let him in. It made sense and this does as well. Primo gets a nice rollup on Rhodes for two. It’s so strange hearing Orton talked about as being so hated a mere year ago and 9 months before he was the hottest thing in the world. Cody hooks an inverted Gory Special that looks awesome.

The fans love Edge here which is rather odd indeed. Jericho takes Primo out with a Codebreaker and we have Edge vs. fired guy. Carlito misses it though and Rhodes gets a backstabber. A spear gives the Canadians the belts after being in the match all of 20 seconds combined. As I type that, Lawler says it. At least I wasn’t imagining it.

Rating: B. While the wrestling wasn’t anything spectacular, the thought process here was perfect. They planned this one out very well and it made perfect sense which is a great thing in my eyes. They knew they couldn’t stop Edge or Jericho so they kept them out as long as they could. That’s smart booking and it worked just fine.

Carlito would be gone by early 2011 and it was back to Puerto Rico. We’ll wrap this up with a match against Savio Vega at Summer Madness 2013.

Carlito vs. Savio Vega

Again I’m not sure what’s going on here but I think it’s some kind of a power struggle. Vega jumps him to start and the brawl starts on the floor. Carlito gets choked up against the steps and they head inside for the first time. Carlito avoids a charge into the post and DEAR GOODNESS SOMEONE KILL THE FAN WITH THE HORN!!! Vega comes back in but gets stomped down as Carlito walks around a lot.

Back up and Vega scores with some right hands, only to get dropped by a big one from Carlito. Vega still has his vest on and we’re nearly seven minutes into this. Carlito slowly sends him into the corner before scoring with a suplex. Vega tries to get up but gets pummeled with punches and slaps. That guy is still honking his horn. Is that a thing in Puerto Rico or something? Savio misses a splash in the corner and Carlito stands around even more. You could cut out ten minutes of standing there and the match would have the same amount of action.

An elbow to the jaw puts Savio down again for a very delayed two count and we hit the chinlock. Back up and Carlito charges into a boot to the jaw followed by some right hands. Carlito tries a springboard but lands on his feet and gets kicked in the jaw as Savio mistimed the landing. Vega misses a spinwheel kick but kicks out at two as both guys are spent.

Carlito heads outside and pulls out a chair, only to have the referee try to take it away. Savio scores with a nice superkick for two and picks up the chair, only to get into a pulling match with the referee (who seems to be a special guest). Savio lets go and Carlito gets blasted in the head but kicks out at two. A superkick by Carlito gets two for him as well so he loads up the apple. Savio ducks and fires off green mist which misses as well, but Vega grabs a rollup for the fast pin.

Rating: C+. I liked this far better than the Gonzalez match as they were telling a story in the ring rather than something you needed a backstory to understand. Vega seemed to be the face here and made the classic comeback before countering Carlito spit for spit and winning with a rollup. Nice touch.

Overall….I just don’t get Carlito. I didn’t care for him when he was in WWE and I haven’t cared for anything else he’s done before or since. The hair was a big problem for him as he looks more like Sideshow Bob than a tough guy and the purple trunks made it even worse. Give him the skills he had with the look he was using back in 2000 and he’s WAY easier to buy. Not my favorite guy to put it mildly.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Not one of my more exact ideas but it’s pretty accurate.Orton tends to work better against guys smaller than he is.  Think about it.

 

Good Matches With Orton

Cena

Christian

Ziggler

Shawn Michaels

 

Not So Good Matches With Orton

HHH

Sheamus

Big Show

Edge

 

Orton is about 6’4, or the same height as Edge and HHH.  Like I said, not an exact science but most things in wrestling aren’t.

Today we go with someone bigger than most of the tag teams I’ve talked about: The Big Show.

Big Show is perhaps the only member of a select group of wrestlers to win a world title in his debut match. His in ring debut was at Halloween Havoc 1995, but that wasn’t his first action of the night. Before the wrestling match that night, the Giant and his opponent for later in the night, Hulk Hogan, had a battle of monster trucks on the roof of Detroit’s Cobo Hall. This is important for the match later in the night.

We go to the roof and a few things to note. First of all, Hogan stands about 7’8 apparently as he TOWERS over those “six foot tall” tires. Second, the rules are you have to get both sets of axels out of the ring, which is 100ft in diameter. Ok, fair enough. Third, we’re going to weld the trucks together. Pay no attention to the fact that they were welded together earlier (this was taped the night before but that isn’t mentioned).

Also for no apparent reason, in this ring we have two charges that will go off if you run over them. Yes, allegedly, on the roof of a building, there are BOMBS that will go off if a truck runs over them. The idiocy here is off the charts. Let’s get this over with.

First of all, we waste a few minutes welding the trucks together. Allegedly these trucks run on alcohol. So wait. There are BOMBS, as in EXPLODING FIRE, near alcohol based fuel? And this company made money??? Again, someone was PAID to make this up. That’s sad.

Oh and they have co-pilots so they’re only driving one set of axels. Hogan gets put halfway out but makes the save. Hogan’s truck has a flag kind of thing that is supposed to be the bandana I guess. One of the bombs goes off and my head hurts. Ah I think I know why Tony left: he has integrity. And Hogan wins of course. Somehow, the idiocy is just beginning.

Giant gets out of his truck and goes after Hogan, and the champ goes back towards the edge of the building. They fight some more up on the ledge and Hogan accidentally knocks Giant OFF THE ROOF. Yes, this was on a major Pay Per View broadcast by a major wrestling company. Hogan’s acting here makes Mr. Nanny look like De Niro. The monster truck dude has to sit here and not break up laughing. That’s just awesome.

And now, the wrestling match.

WCW World Title: The Giant vs. Hulk Hogan

They introduce Giant first but Hogan comes out instead, all in black and sans facial hair. Wow that’s odd to see. Was Hart being Hogan’s BFF ever explained? Giant of course walks out with no explanation at all. In what might be the funniest thing that I have EVER seen in wrestling, the camera shoots back to Hogan just in time for him to turn to the camera and blankly stare while his mouth hangs open in awe.

I laughed out loud for a LONG time. I mean the timing was better than you could have planned if you tried forever. This was hilarious stuff to say the least. Heenan sounds orgasmic over this. His hatred of Hogan stayed forever if nothing else. Hogan has black horns painted on his head. Uh….deep?

He can’t slam him though. Oh and Giant is allegedly Andre’s son. Heenan: Eat Hogan like you would eat villagers! Ok then. Giant hooks a test of strength once Hogan is on his knees already. You know that might be more effective if your muscles were flexing or if you had ANY torque on them.

Heenan says he’s never seen Hogan wrestle in anything other than yellow and red. Odd that he’s seemingly managed against him in blue or white tights but what do I know? Giant is destroying him here. Hogan makes a comeback to some SOLID face pops and knocks Giant to the floor. Taskmaster tries to get Giant to leave but Hogan, like an idiot, stops him. Giant gets a SWEET backbreaker. Hogan was WAY in the air for that and it looked awesome.

Heenan points out how stupid Giant is for not going for Hogan’s bad neck. Give the guy a break Bobby. I mean he just fell off the frekaing roof! The bear hug goes on and Tony cracks me up by making it sound like it’s perfectly normal to come back after falling off a roof. Even in kayfabe this is ridiculous. With the paint knocked off Hogan’s head it looks like there’s a Triforce on it. And back to the bear hug. He powers out but walks into the chokeslam. He powers out of that too.

He Hulks Up and the usual puts Giant down, but the referee goes down too. The fans say Jimmy did it. Just to add to the stupidity of this match, when Hogan is yelling at Hart, you can see Giant stick his head up three separate times to see what’s going on. Even playing devil’s advocate and saying he’s playing possum, you don’t have a 7’ monster playing peek-a-boo!

Anyway, Jimmy hits Hogan with the belt but Giant saves him. And it’s bear hug time again. Luger and Savage come out. Luger of course turns heel and….here it comes. This is the thing I didn’t want to talk about all night. On the previous Nitro, the Master had said he had a surprise. At the end of the show, a random block of ice blew up and a mummy came out of it. Yes, I said a mummy.

They called him a Yeti, but he’s a large man wrapped in bandages and tape. What the heck would you call him? With Giant having him in a bear hug, Yeti comes up behind Hogan and more or less dry humps him without actually hurting him at all. It’s Reese from the Flock if you care who is under there.

Luger puts Hogan in the rack to something resembling a pop. They dry hump Savage and rack him too. Giant wins by DQ because he was Hogan’s manager when he hit the referee. They announce that the title can’t change hands on DQ.

OR CAN IT?

Yeah in this match, Hart slipped a clause in, stating that the title CAN change hands on a DQ, so the Giant is the champion. They would strip him of the title in like two weeks and put it up in the inaugural World War Three Battle Royal, which is complete nonsense as Hogan lost the title via a stipulation in a contract he signed without reading. That’s not Giant’s fault but whatever. Hogan and Savage are helped out to end the show. Heenan crying from happiness is funny.

Rating: D. This was a Hogan match with a big angle to end it and nothing more. Giant wasn’t capable of doing much here as he was just a 23 year old kid that had like 5 matches under his belt but he was 7’0 tall, athletic beyond belief and could talk. I’d push him hard like that too.

Anyway, this wasn’t that good but it was Hogan fighting a monster which was what he was best at so I can’t fault them there. A bit long with FAR too many bear hugs but to be fair Giant had no experience and no real style set yet. He would get a lot better. Yeah this was his WCW debut. I’d say this was fine given the circumstances then.

The title would be held up due to the controversial ending but Giant would be back very soon and get a title shot against Ric Flair on Nitro on April 29, 1996.

WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. The Giant

Flair hits on Debra again which would eventually set up a tag match at the Great American Bash where Mongo joined the Horsemen. Giant shoves him around to start as the camera pans up at him. Flair charges at him and literally bounces off of him with a shoulder block. We hit the floor and Flair runs. Flair gets a jumping thumb to the eye but Giant shrugs a chop off.

There’s your standard slam off the top for Flair and Giant gets a suplex for no cover. Giant tries a chokeslam but Flair holds onto the ropes and gets a low blow. Foreign object to the head of Giant and he’s out….not cold as the Figure Four goes on and it means nothing. Giant grabs him by the throat, pulls him to his feet, breaks the hold in the process and a chokeslam gives Giant his first non-shenanigan world title. For you trivia people out there, yes, Jimmy Hart did manage a legit world champion.

Rating: C-. Can’t really give this a fair grade as it was more or less a squash but they were trying at least. Giant looked great which is the best thing they could have done. Never let it be said that Flair doesn’t put people over. Giant getting the title was fine and they would protect him for months, which is the right idea indeed. Fine for a squash, bad match otherwise.

 

Giant would hold the title for the summer before losing it to Hollywood Hogan in August. He would join and leave the NWO over the fall and winter before teaming up with Lex Luger for a shot at the Tag Team Titles at SuperBrawl 1997.

Tag Titles: Outsiders vs. The Giant

Ok so there’s a backstory here. Giant and Luger are partners but Luger has a broken hand/arm and couldn’t get a doctor’s clearance in time so Giant has to go this alone. Syxx is with the champs. Hall starts off here with the idea being to tick Giant off. Hall hammers away which seems to just be getting him in trouble. One armed slam by Giant and it’s off to Nash. This was the teased match for an entire year which didn’t happen until the following January because Nash didn’t want to job to Giant.

Giant gets a dropkick to send Nash to the floor and manhandles him with ease, including ramming him into the post. Elbow gets two back in the ring. Nash gets in a shot with the Cruiserweight Title and Hall adds what was supposed to be a bulldog but Hall manages to wind up behind Giant, making it more like a Zig Zag.

Basically this is 3-1 and that’s about what was expected. Nash misses the running pelvis to the head with Giant on the middle rope in a 619 position. That move REALLY needs a name. Off to Hall again who hammers away in the corner. Giant fights them off as Syxx comes in and slips the belt to Hall who drops Giant with it. Nash manages to powerbomb Giant in a cool spot as somehow we haven’t had a DQ yet.

Here’s Luger with a cast on to clean house. He Racks Nash who hurt his back on the powerbomb. That rings a bell for a submission somehow but wait, Nash wasn’t legal. Therefore Giant (illegal) chokeslams Hall, the legal man, and pins him for the definitive pin. Naturally this was overturned the next night on Nitro for literally no reason other than “that wasn’t legal” but it was a stupid moment so I can forgive it.

Rating: D+. Match was junk for the most part but that powerbomb was indeed awesome. Nash vs. Giant would FINALLY get blown off 11 months later because WCW saw no problem with Nash screwing over a PPV audience at Starrcade. Anyway, this was more stupid stuff that meant nothing if you were paying attention but it’s WCW so there you go.

The war against the NWO would continue over the summer with nothing of note happening. One of the few matches of interest during this was against Randy Savage at Road Wild 1997.

The Giant vs. Randy Savage

Nothing special to the match, but it’s the third biggest match in company history at worst. That would include being ahead of Luger winning the title on Monday I guess. Savage is NWO and Giant is one of WCW’s main soldiers against him. Savage stalls like the true Memphis man that he is. He gets in and tries to slam Giant which fails of course. Giant works him over with his usual power stuff until Savage heads to the floor.

That goes badly for him as well with Giant picking up the human shield known as Liz and moving her to the other side. Back in Savage takes out the knee and gets Giant down. He wraps the knee around the post and stomps on the knee some more. Double ax gets two but the second attempt is countered into a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash but that’s ok for the most part. Giant would move on to feuding with Nash soon after this in one of the stupidest and most pathetic displays I can remember in a long time. Anyway, the match was short enough to keep from getting boring which is more than I can say for the rest of the show.

Giant would get caught up in the shuffle of the NWO civil war and rejoin the NWO again in 1998 to continue a long running feud with Kevin Nash. In the fall he would have a meaningless match with the monster Meng on September 14’s Nitro which is incredibly entertaining.

Giant vs. Meng

Meng slaps Giant back into the corner and kicks at the legs before they get into a brawl with neither guy going anywhere. Meng staggers Giant with a kick right to the face so the strap comes down. Giant hits him again and Meng is all FOREIGN SHOUTING. A headbutt has no effect on Meng and neither does a right hand to the head. Another kick to the face staggers Giant and Meng loads up the Death Grip, but Giant uses his reach advantage to grab the chokeslam as Meng can’t get to his throat. REALLY fun match for two minutes.

Other than a decent match against Diamond Dallas Page at the horrible Starrcade 1998, Giant was off to the WWF under his more famous name of Big Show. His first major match was at Wrestlemania XV against Mankind in a match to determine the guest referee for the main event.

Big Show vs. Mankind

The winner gets to referee the title match tonight. Big Show already cost Mankind the world title on Raw a few weeks ago and Mankind is banged up coming into this. Mankind pounds away to start but is easily sent out to the floor by the power of the giant. Mankind is all cool with a brawl though and he sends Big Show head first into the steps. A DDT is broken up by Show though and the guy in a mask tastes the steps as well.

Back in and Show chops him down before hitting a Russian legsweep for no cover. Mankind gets in a shot and loads up the Claw, only to be sent flying for a second. The Claw goes on but Show headbutts him down with ease. Back to the Claw and a low blow is enough to keep the hold on for a bit.

Despite being in a former world champion’s hold for about a minute straight, Show gets Mankind on his back and crashes down onto Foley to break the hold. Foley’s ribs are messed up bad now and Show stomps away even more. They head to the floor and Show hits him in the ribs with a chair….and that’s not a DQ. Show throws two chairs into the ring and sets them up. He chokeslams Mankind through both chairs and THAT is enough for the DQ.

Rating: D. Yeah this sucked. This would fall into the category of matches that were overbooked to overbook another match. If that doesn’t sum up the Russo Era in a nutshell, I’m not sure what does. The match sucked on top of all that, as it was a very slow power brawl. Foley would take awhile to get back into form but at this point he was just kind of going through the motions.

After forming an on again/off again tag team with Undertaker and winning a few tag titles, it was time for Big Show to turn face again in the fall. At Survivor Series 1999, Steve Austin was run over by a car and replaced in the main event by our big lovable monster.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. HHH vs. ???

The third man is…..shockingly not Test but rather the Big Show. I mentioned Test over and over again tonight because every sign on the planet pointed to him being the guy but they went with Show instead. That’s not to say this is a horrible idea or that it doesn’t make sense because there were no clues or anything beforehand, but it was certainly a surprising pick.

Rock and HHH attack Show to start but to no avail. Show shoulder blocks them down but Rock breaks up a chokeslam on the Game. HHH is defending if that’s not clear. Rock and HHH team up to clothesline Show to the floor but Rock is quickly pulled to the floor. All three guys wind up on the floor with HHH getting dropped on the barricade. Back in and Show misses a splash in the corner and gets caught in a Russian legsweep for no cover.

The People’s Elbow gets one on Show as HHH saves. This is one fall to a finish in case you were wondering. HHH chokes Rock in the corner but Show gets back up and side slams Rock for two. Show kicks HHH to the floor and knocks the Game up the aisle. The fans don’t seem to be sure what to think of Show in this spot but they’re not bored. Rock charges up the aisle to clothesline Show down before going after HHH again.

HHH gets knocked through a production table and Rock is in control. Scratch that theory as Show comes in and beats the tar out of HHH, only to have Rock hit Show with a fire extinguisher. Rock and HHH start heading back to the ring but HHH suplexes him in the aisle. Show is back because the guy can’t be kept down. Show drops HHH on the announce table but Rock drills Show in the head with the bell. Rock and HHH hit a double suplex on Show through the table for the WHOA spot of the match.

Rock and HHH head into the crowd to brawl as this has been a wild fight for the majority of the match so far. Back to the ring and the referee gets clotheslined down by Rock by mistake. The Rock Bottom and Pedigree are both countered, the latter being countered into a catapult into the buckle. There’s the Rock Bottom but there’s no referee. Shane runs out in a referee’s shirt to count two.

Another Rock Bottom hits but Show pulls Shane out of the ring. Rock goes after Show on the floor which goes about as well as you would expect. Actually scratch that as you might expect Rock to beat Show up. Show puts him on the table and goes back into the ring to knock HHH down before going back to beat on Rock some more. Rock gets thrown into the steps and HHH has the belt, only for Shane to take it away. HHH Pedigrees Shane and they’re all back inside again. Here’s DX to go after Big Show and Rock but here’s Vince as well. He knocks HHH out with the belt and a chokeslam makes Show champion.

Rating: C-. This didn’t work that well for me at all. Show has no connection to the feud at all which hurts things a bit, but at the end of the day there was no real flow to the match at all. Show winning is a good pick as it gives some closure to the week for him where his dad died and all that, but his title reign wouldn’t work all that well due to him mainly feuding with Big Boss Man. Still though, decent moment but a bad match.

The title reign would only last for a few months before turning heel (notice a patter here?) for Wrestlemania and his only main event there before Kurt Angle yelled at him for not taking things seriously enough. This led to a hilarious moment at Backlash 2000.

Kurt Angle vs. Big Show

Angle runs down Marian Berry, who is mayor of Washington DC. He’s also a former crackhead. The lack of integrity is what’s wrong with America. That means we need a Real American…..and that’s what we get. Here’s Big Show doing the absolute best Hulk Hogan imitation you’ll EVER see. He’s got a Showster t-shirt with the rips in the back, yellow boots, a bald skull cap with blonde hair down the sides, he does the hand to the ear, rips the shirt and throws it, and does the swinging arms warmup that Hulk did. And then, he talks.

Doing an even better Hogan imitation, he talks about being to the top of the mountain and says dude and brother more times than should be humanly allowed. Angle jumps him but Show HULKS UP almost immediately. Right hand doesn’t work (JR: “The old no sell!”) so Show punches him three times and hits the big boot. LEG DROP gets two and a bigger reaction than anything else so far, which is saying a lot as the fans were going nuts the entire time so far.

Angle goes for the leg and the fans chant for Hogan. Show (who has his goatee dyed too) rips off the cap and hair and destroys Angle in the corner. Chokeslam ends this quick. It’s too short to rate but as a match it was worthless. From an entertainment perspective, this is one of the best and funniest moments you’ll ever see. Check this out as it’s well worth it if you’re a Hogan fan.

Soon after this it was determined that Big Show was WAY overweight and needed to get in shape, so he was sent to OVW and spent the remainder of the year there. One of his biggest feuds was against a muscle headed rookie named Leviathan, who is more famous as Batista. Their first match was at one of OVW’s biggest shows of the year with Leviathan scoring a huge upset. This is the rematch from OVW TV in November.

Big Show vs. Leviathan

The brawl is on while Big Show’s music is still playing with Big Show sending him into the corner for an overhead chop but Leviathan shoves him off. Show comes back with a nice powerbomb but Leviathan LAUNCHES him into the air on the kickout and right onto the referee. A bunch of guys come out to brawl and Big Show kisses Leviathan’s manager Synn. Mark Henry comes in with a chair to Show’s back and the referee rolls over for the pin. More of a historical curiosity than anything else.

Big Show was back on the main roster in early 2001 and would enter the hardcore division for awhile. Like almost everything else that year, it would be swallowed up by the Alliance. After helping get rid of WCW and ECW, Big Show would turn heel to help Ric Flair before joining the short lived NWO. After the group split, Big Show was sent to Smackdown and got a world title shot against Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series 2002.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending here and is mostly a face now. It’s on in a hurry as the fans are behind Lesnar. Show gets in a shot to the ribs in the corner and launches Brock across the ring. Brock is all like BRING IT ON and grabs a double leg to take Show down. They head to the floor and Brock gets rammed into the post. Back in and Brock pounds away before hitting something like a belly to back suplex. Show misses a charge and Brock “hits” a German, which means Show lands on Brock’s head. Brock tries an F5 but Show knees him in the ribs.

The referee gets bumped and Brock THROWS Big Show down with an overhead belly to belly. Heyman throws in a chair and Brock cracks Show over the head with it. There’s the F5 and a new referee but Heyman pulls the referee out of the ring. This makes no sense and I’ll get to why in a second. Lesnar figures out what’s going on and gives chase, but charges right into a pair of chair shots to the ribs. Show chokeslams Brock onto the chair for the pin and the title. That’s Brock’s first ever loss.

Rating: D+. Most of that is for Lesnar’s INSANE power. Here’s why this match ticks me off: Lesnar had to get the title taken off of him because of injury. That’s fine. So they pick BIG SHOW to take it from him? This is the same idea as Nash beating Goldberg: you have an unstoppable monster and you take the title off of him for the sake of this old dude? You have Angle, Benoit, Eddie Guerrero and Edge on the Smackdown roster and you pick BIG SHOW? Now to be fair Angle got the title in a month, but why not just cut out the middle man and make a new star?

As for why Heyman’s turn makes no sense, the whole idea of the match was that Heyman didn’t think Lesnar could suplex, F5 or beat Big Show. He did the first two things and had Show beat until Heyman turned. Heyman is a lot of things, but he’s always been someone that knows what kind of a monster he’s got and sticks with them to the end. This is out of character for him, especially when an injured Brock had proven he could beat Show. So on top of being a bad match with bad booking, it makes no sense. Nice job WWE.

The title reign would only last a month before Kurt Angle slayed the giant to take the title. It was soon back to the old stomping grounds of feuding with Undertaker for a few months before back to even older stomping grounds of fighting a small man, in this case Rey Mysterio at Backlash 2003.

Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show

 

Apparently Mysterio embarrassed Show recently. A fan things Big Show loves Cher. Is that an insult? Rey gets Show to chase him which frustrates the giant. Things go exactly as you would expect: Rey fires off some offense, Show uses power, Rey speeds things up again. Backbreaker puts Rey down and Show takes over. Rey gets sent to the floor and gets in a chair shot and seated senton for two. A pair of 619s take Show down and a third staggers Show but he jumps into the chokeslam for the pin.

 

Rating: D. I can’t stand these matches. The one perk here is that Show didn’t look like an idiot for the most part. At the end of the day, without making the giants look stupid in these matches, there’s no real conceivable way to have a competent giant lose these matches. Rey’s offense would have no effect here and for the most part it didn’t. The ending helped it but the rest of it was junk.

Big Show would win the US Title later in the year and never defend it before losing the title to a young phenom named John Cena at Wrestlemania XX. He would miss about five months in the middle of 2004 before coming back to win a feud with Kurt Angle. Next up was another world title chase, culminating in a barbed wire steel cage match against champion John Bradshaw Layfield at No Way Out 2005.

Smackdown World Title: JBL vs. Big Show

Basic stuff to start as JBL takes Show down with a flying tackle. He goes up but is afraid of the barbed wire. He tries a cross body and guess how well that goes for him. They’re staying away from the wire so far and it’s just a basic match for the most part here. Show is busted open after eating some cage. Bradshaw in full control here.

He rips the tag rope off the corner and chokes away with it. Show hits something like a superkick to put JBL down. Does Cole have Show’s measurements tattooed on the inside of his eyelids? He can snap those things off like they’re nothing. Powerbomb by Show and JBL is in trouble. The fans chant RVD who was hurt at the time.

Cole says the cage is a carnivore. Why do steel structures always have to have lives of their own in this company? Show gets a slingshot (Cole says monkey flip) into the cage. Here’s Jordan to climb the cage. The Bashams cut through part of the cage but Teddy comes out, saying to leave. Jordan manages to slip some bolt cutters to JBL who pops Show with them and adds the Clothesline From JBL for two.

For some reason there’s more or less no reaction for the kickout from the world champion’s finisher. Chokeslam hits for two as well which gets kind of a reaction but nothing huge. Another chokeslam is blocked though as JBL kicks the little Shows and adds a boot to the face. The door is closed and locked and isn’t eligible for escaping.

Bradshaw climbs up and uses the bolt cutters to cut through some of the wire. Show gets up and knocks them out of his hand. JBL is slammed into the cage a few times as the wire has more or less meant jack so far in this match. Show grabs him by the throat and chokeslams him through the ring, prompting a pretty weak holy crap chant.

Show finds a safe spot and climbs down but he’s not sure what to do. Some things never change I guess. Instead Show pulls on the chain and lock which he rips apart with his bare hands. Well why mess with what works? He opens the door and climbs to the floor as JBL is declared the winner and still champion. While Show was wasting all kinds of time, JBL climbed through the hole in the ring and hit the floor first to retain. I love that ending because JBL followed the rules perfectly and Show’s reliance on power cost him.

Rating: D+. I REALLY wasn’t impressed here. If this was a regular cage match then it’s ok I guess but the barbed wire was just stupid. It did a total of nothing other than acting as a deterrent I guess, which a regular cage would have done just as fine or a cage with a top on it. This was a waste of time for the most part and didn’t work that well at all. Weak main event.

The rest of the year was spent in a bunch of worthless feuds until Big Show teamed up with Kane (again) to win the Tag Titles (again) before feuding with Kane (again). Big Show would eventually be drafted to the revived ECW and win its title on July 4, 2006. His first defense was against Ric Flair the following week.

ECW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Big Show

Extreme Rules again. Show throws him to the floor and we take a break. Back with Flair pounding away in the corner. Joey calls this historic. Not exactly the word I’d use but whatever. Show press slams him and Flair is busted open from something. Knowing him it was a stiff breeze. Flair tries chopping him but gets knocked down by one from Show. They head to the floor for another slugout, won by Show.

To keep up the tradition, Flair chops and punches but Show chops him down with one or two shots. Show measures him but Flair hits him low. Keeping with the tradition theme, Flair hits him low a second and third time. Make it four and Show is in trouble. Flair finds a barbed wire ball bat from somewhere and hits Show in the head with it before digging it into Show’s face.

Trashcan shot to the head staggers Show as does a chair to the chest and back. Show goes down but it only gets two. Flair busts out some tacks and knocks Show into them with about five chair shots to the head. That just ticks him off though so he pulls Flair into the chokeslam and a cobra clutch backbreaker. He keeps the clutch on for the knockout win. Show throws Flair into the tacks post match.

Rating: B-. I liked this a lot more than I was expecting to. Flair is still a master of making you believe that it could happen, which is what he did here. Also, notice that he puts Show over by making it look like Show shrugged off all that offense and won with ease. That’s hot you make someone look good, which Flair made a career out of.

Big Show would defend the title for the rest of the year before losing it in the Extreme Elimination Chamber in December. He would leave the company for a year before coming back to face boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. at Wrestlemania. After a summer of nothing special, he would turn heel (after turning face earlier in the year) by joining Vickie Guerrero and facing Undertaker at No Mercy 2008.

Big Show vs. Undertaker

JR talks about how Undertaker is like a Sasquatch that has wrapped his arms around us and how Big Show is Cyclopean. He has two eyes. WHAT IS WRONG WITH JIM ROSS??? Sasquatch and Cyclopean? With smoke still in the ring Taker goes right at him but gets hit in the ribs to slow him down. Taker gets knocked to the floor but lands on his feet. They slug it out on the apron and Taker Stuns him on the top rope.

Out to the floor and Show pounds away on the ribs. Show throws him into the barricade and Taker throws him into the post. This is a total war so far. Now Undertaker’s right hands are malignant. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? Legdrop on the apron and they head inside. Taker gets a boot up in the corner but Big Show clotheslines him down. Show slams him down and drops an elbow for two.

Show tries a Vader Bomb elbow but Taker moves to send Show crashing. They slug it out again with Taker punching him into the corner and working over the ribs. Show misses two WMDs so Taker clotheslines him down and drops a leg for two. Taker tries Old School but jumps into a chokeslam for two. WMD (it wasn’t called that back then but you get the idea) misses and they both try chokeslams.

Show wins the battle but Taker pulls him down into a DDT for two. Taker punches him down in the corner but stops to chase the referee, allowing Big Show to expose the buckle. A shot into that and the big punch, a second big punch (this one is pretentious according to JR) and a third one (this one a rabbit punch) makes the referee stop the match.

Rating: B. This was ten minutes long and they beat the tar out of each other the whole time. It’s probably the best Show vs. Undertaker match I’ve ever seen which is quite a selection as I’m sure you know. Good match here and while it didn’t quite get any better after this, it’s a great match from these two which is shocking for me.

He feuded with Cena for about the 58^th time and chased the title for about the 983^rd time before filling in for an injured Edge in a World Tag Team Title match with Chris Jericho at Night of Champions 2009.

UnifiedTagTitles: Legacyvs. ChrisJericho/???

So Edge snapped his ankle and has no partner, meaning anyone that’s paid attention for the past few months knows who this is going to be. We get the video of Edge’s injury saying he’ll come back and take care of Jericho. That’s going to be an awesome feud. And it’s the Big Show. No one got this and the rumor was they picked him seconds before with the video being shown to buy them some more time.

There are cool banners with pictures of the belts hanging from them. It looks sweet. Rhodes and Show start us off. Show just beats the heck out of both guys as you would expect. You could bet on Jerishow retaining here even from the perspective of watching it live. In a nice move, Legacy hits a tandem chop block and clothesline. Not bad at all. Rhodes whispers something into the ear of Jericho but he does it just subtly enough that unless you knew to look for it you wouldn’t notice it. Well done.

Rhodes busts out a nice moonsault to Jericho. He’s underrated in the ring as his offense keeps changing up. The problem with this match becomes apparent quickly: Jericho and Show are the default faces even though they’re supposed to be the heels. We hit insanity mode and Show puts down both guys and after a Codebreaker, the Colossal Clutch ends it.

Rating: C+. It was fine. That’s the only thing I can think of to say for this one. It was designed to be a pure squash for the new champions to get them over and that’s exactly what it did. Rather boring match but it served its purpose very well.

Jericho and Big Show would hold the titles for the better part of five months before losing them to DX at TLC 2009. He would hook up with Miz to win the titles back about two months later and hold them for another two and a half months. After a world title chase went nowhere, it was off to a feud with CM Punk’s Straight Edge Society at Summerslam 2010.

Big Show vs. Straight Edge Society

Three on one handicap match. Punk has already grown his hair to a bit shorter than it is in 2013. We continue the awesome that is CM Punk as he wears a shirt saying “I Broke Big Show’s Hand”, which is a reference to Greg Valentine’s “I Broke Wahoo’s Leg” shirt from about thirty years ago. Show takes off his cast to reveal that the hand is fully healed and to freak Punk out a bit.

Mercury charges right into a chop and Gallows gets the same. The Society has to tag in and out here so Punk calls a conference on the apron. Gallows and Mercury jump Big Show and apparently tagging isn’t required here. Show easily throws away the lackeys and palms Mercury by the head, throwing him over the top and onto Gallows. Punk is the only one left now and a few shots to the back easily put him down. Show misses a chop and hits the steps, giving the Society an opening to go after the hand.

The Society pounds away with really basic stuff as we’re just waiting on the comeback. Punk charges into a back elbow and Show cleans house for a bit until Punk hits a high kick to slow him down. Some running knees in the corner stagger the giant before a double DDT from Punk and Mercury gets two. Punk goes nuts on the hand but Show picks him up on his shoulders. After dropping Punk over the top, the lackeys are destroyed again and Show chokeslams Mercury onto Gallows for a double pin.

Rating: D. Another dull match here as Big Show never once felt like he was in any kind of danger at all. That was the problem with this whole feud: Show treated Punk like an annoyance rather than an opponent. This would lead up to the destruction of Punk in a one on one match next month because Big Show needed that push right?

Most of 2011 was a waste of time for Big Show as he teamed up with his on again/off again heterosexual life mate Kane to fight a Nexus knockoff called the Corre. That went nowhere (shocking) so Big Show tried to stop Mark Henry’s Hall of Pain, resulting in a broken leg. Big Show returned a few months later and eventually challenged Henry for the World Heavyweight Championship at TLC 2011.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Mark Henry

It’s a chairs match, meaning they’re legal. Show’s singlet is now camo. Show immediately goes to the floor and throws in like ten chairs. Him just casually tossing them about ten feet in the air is scary impressive. They both have chairs now but Henry drops his and gets out. He grabs the title and says this isn’t happening. Show goes after him and ducks a title shot so he can wear Henry out with chair shots.

They start slugging it out and Henry cracks him with a chair. Henry goes after the hand so that Show can’t use his two finishers. Show tries to come back but his hand is worthless. Henry makes a pile of chairs but the Slam is broken up. He goes for a chair shot but Show fires off the big punch. AND IT GETS THE PIN AT 5:35????? REALLY?????

Rating: C. Call me crazy but I liked it. There’s something cool about two guys just going off on each other with chair shots. This worked pretty well for what it was and keeping it short was the right idea. The important thing is coming though so I’m cutting this short.

The important thing would be Daniel Bryan cashing in his Money in the Bank contract. After losing the title, Big Show got this idea that he needed a Wrestlemania moment, despite being in the main event of Wrestlemania 2000. This led to an Intercontinental Title match against Cody Rhodes at Wrestlemania 28.

Intercontinental Title: Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show

Cody is defending and the idea here is that Big Show has never had a good Wrestlemania moment. You know, because winning a meaningless midcard title in 2012 is more important than main eventing the show in possibly the biggest and best year the company has ever had. During the entrance we get some “highlights” from Show’s career. Naturally the pin in the 8 man tag last year is never mentioned at all.

Cody runs to the floor to start but Show easily throws him back into the ring. There’s a beal across the ring and a hard chop in the corner, followed by a Stink Face for good measure. Cody comes back with some dropkicks to the knee and pounds away as much as he can. Rhodes pounds on Show’s back a bit and is LAUNCHED off on the kickout. The champion works on the knee a bit with a standing leg lock and a DDT to take it down. After some stomps to Show’s head, he shoves Cody away with ease but gets caught by the Disaster Kick. A second is countered with a spear though and the WMD makes Show the champion.

Rating: D+. What were you expecting here? At the end of the day, Cody has nothing that was going to keep Show down and with all the building up of the match about Show’s past embarrassments, there was only one way this could end. That and it’s only about five minutes so it didn’t have enough time to suck or anything. Not great but it was exactly what it was expect to be.

We’ll wrap things up with what might be Big Show’s last good match to date, from Hell in a Cell 2012.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Sheamus

Sheamus is defending. Show throws him around to start and Sheamus tries to brawl with him. That results in the champion being knocked down into the corner and Show is in command. Ziggler is watching with the case in the back. Sheamus knocks Show to the floor and as the challenger gets back in, Sheamus fires away with all he’s got. It does a bit of damage but Show shrugs it off and knocks Sheamus to the floor again.

We head to the floor with Show throwing Sheamus into the barricade. Back in and Show keeps pounding on Sheamus very slowly. He steps on Sheamus’ head and knocks the champ to the floor before sending him over the announce table. This has been almost all Show so far and Sheamus is looking like a ragdoll. Back in and Show hits the Eye of the Hurricane for two. I think he used to call that the Final Cut. Sheamus tries to fight back with some punches to the ribs but Show throws him over the top to the floor.

As Sheamus comes back in, he hits the slingshot shoulder but charges right into a superkick for two. Show knocks him down again with Sheamus only being able to get in some punches before charging into a bearhug. Show gets on his knee instead of picking Sheamus up, allowing Sheamus to hit some forearms. A slam doesn’t work at all and the Vader Bomb Elbow gets two for Show. He calls for the chokeslam but Sheamus counters into a DDT but the kickout sends Sheamus out to the floor.

Sheamus tries the ten forearms in the corner but Show shoves him off. The chokeslam hits but it only gets two. Show is getting ticked off now but he can’t hook the Colossal Clutch. Sheamus avoids an elbow and tries the Cloverleaf of all things but Show kicks him off. They head to the floor and Sheamus drives Show into the post a few times. Back in and Sheamus goes after the knee before hitting some ax handles to take Show down.

Sheamus hits White Noise and does it with EASE. That looked better than a lot of the AA’s Cena hits on Show. That only gets two and Sheamus charges into the WMD…..for two. Show tries another punch but Sheamus kicks Show’s head off…..FOR TWO. This is getting AWESOME. Sheamus gets WAY fires up but the Brogue Kick charges into the WMD for the pin and the title at 21:37.

Rating: B+. This was exactly what it was supposed to be: a heavyweight slugfest with Sheamus pounding away with everything he had but it just wasn’t enough. I would initially say that Show winning the title was a bad thing but the way they were going with the feud it was probably the best idea. This was a great match though and WAY better than I was expecting. The kickouts were great and the match worked really well. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but match of the night so far.

After losing the title to Alberto Del Rio in January, Show would go on to feud with the Shield and then get into a story with HHH and the Authority/Randy Orton which would be some of the stupidest stuff I’ve seen in years.

Big Show is a guy that had a ton of talent but has become VERY repetitive over the years. I can’t count how many times he’s become the big evil monster then turned back into the fun loving giant and gotten a small guy or a giant as a tag partner before starting the whole thing over again. At the end of the day, he’s turned so many times over the years that it’s hard to care about almost anything he does. Stick him in matches like the one with Sheamus where he can have someone fight him down in a big brawl and let it be entertaining for awhile and that’s it. Back in 1996 the guy was slim and insanely athletic but then he just relied on his size and nothing else.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 22, 2002
Location: Savvis Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Thankfully we’re past Backlash but Hulk Hogan is once again WWF Champion after winning one of the most boring main events in recorded history last night. The result: he gets another match with Undertaker at Judgment Day as we drag this company even further back into the 90s. Hopefully the show is more interesting than last week’s mess. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the title change last night to make everyone feel good. Uh yeah….good is the right word.

Brock Lesnar vs. Matt Hardy

Matt comes in through the crowd to get in a cheap shot on Brock but Lesnar comes back with a spinebuster to reinjure the damaged ribs. Three straight backbreakers have Hardy in even more trouble and there’s a bearhug for good measure. Brock misses a charge into the post and injures his arm so Matt wraps it around the post. A Side Effect sets up a pair of legdrops off the ropes but Brock easily counters the Twist of Fate into the F5. A spinning powerbomb is enough for the referee to stop the match before Matt’s dead body starts decomposing.

Rating: C-. Not a total squash but it was exactly what it needed to be. Brock comes off like a monster who just destroyed a former multiple time champion. The Hardys were on the down side of their team career at this point but they were still good to be fed to Lesnar like pieces of tattooed meat.

Some tech guys are annoyed at Flair for costing Austin the title shot last night despite it being an honest mistake. Undertaker pops up and says he owes Flair one.

Here’s Undertaker with something to say. He thanks Flair for a job well done last night and says he would have won no matter who was refereeing last night. This takes a bit longer than it should due to the WHAT treatment. Now he gets to go to Judgment Day to face Hulk Hogan and the nostalgia trip. Hogan can thank him later for giving him the victory over HHH, but at Judgment Day Undertaker is Hulkamania’s judge, jury and executioner.

As Undertaker is talking, here’s HHH coming down to the ring and wanting a fight. Undertaker rightly points out that only champions can be on both shows but it’s HHH so rules don’t apply I guess. The fight is on and heads outside with HHH in control and blasting Undertaker in the head with a monitor. Referees finally drag HHH off but he beats them up too and goes after the bloody Undertaker. They fight into the back with HHH throwing Undertaker into various objects before pulling out a sledgehammer. Referees finally break it up before any murdering occurs.

And now: Booker T and Goldust at the Movies! Today’s feature: the Scorpion King. Goldust talks about deep meanings in the film but Booker says just roll the footage. Booker liked the movie but thinks he would have been a better star. We get another clip with Booker (in wrestling gear) superimposed over Rock. “I’m a five time WCW Champion. AND I GOT A SWORD TOO!” Goldust has the same kind of clip and it’s rather disturbing. Booker: “If you had starred in this movie, it would have been the Scorpion QUEEN!”

William Regal, old villain that he is, liked Flair’s officiating last night.

Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Perfect

Intercontinental Champion Eddie Guerrero is on commentary and offers a distraction to let Perfect get in a cheap shot. They head outside with Van Dam scoring with a moonsault from the apron and heading back inside. Eddie rips on JR in Spanish with Jerry cracking up. Back in and Rob misses a kick but hits the second attempt for two. Rolling Thunder connects for two more and Perfect gets the same off a rollup with his feet on the ropes. Not that it matters as Rob kicks him again and the Five Star is good for the pin.

Eddie immediately gets in the ring and lays out RVD but misses the Frog Splash.

We get a Hogan Flashback to his first title win, just a short 18 years ago.

Trish Stratus/Jacqueline vs. Molly Holly/Jazz

Jackie grabs a headlock on Molly to start before hiptossing her down. Trish gets to come in and get a piece of Jazz, avoiding a charge into the corner and cranking on Jazz’s arm. Jazz gets in a shot to Trish’s bad back before slamming her down by the hair. Jackie and Molly come back in as everything breaks down. Trish is whipped HARD into the steps and Jazz hits Jackie with the belt, allowing Molly to pin her off a clothesline. That whip into the steps made up for the short match.

Arn Anderson doesn’t know if he can trust Flair after last night either.

Here’s Flair to talk about the Austin situation from last night. It was an accident and he totally respects Austin and doesn’t want a war. Austin comes out and with a lot of WHATs, says he doesn’t care how many titles Flair has won. Flair cuts him off and says it’s 16 before offering Austin a peace treaty: a match with Bradshaw as his partner against the NWO. Guess how Austin reacts.

Dudley Boys vs. Goldust/Booker T

Spike dives on Booker and Goldust during their entrances and we start fast. Bubba chops Goldust to start and sends him into the corner for some right hands to the ribs and a belly to back suplex. The middle rope backsplash misses and it’s Goldust with right hands of his own. Bubba comes right back with the Flip Flop and Fly and Spike comes in off the top with a double stomp for two.

Booker finally does something by kneeing Spike in the back, allowing Goldust to clothesline him to the floor. T keeps up his offense by sending Spike into the steps and then comes in to stomp in the corner. A big flapjack (Spike sells that so well) puts the little man down and it’s back to Goldie who gets rolled up for a quick two. Off to a sleeper from Goldust but Spike gets free and kicks him away, allowing the tag to Bubba.

The future Bully cleans house and shouts “COME ON YOU BIG BLACK MAN” at Booker before taking him down with a side slam. The fans want tables as Bubba drops a bunch of elbows, dances, and drops another elbow. Spike adds a top rope seated senton for two on Booker and Bubba wants some tables. Bubba goes to get one on his own, allowing Booker to hit a quick ax kick for the pin on Spike.

Rating: D+. Standard tag team formula here but it’s nothing interesting at all. With the Tag Titles over on Smackdown, these matches are really just filling time and not going anywhere. It also doesn’t help that Booker and Goldust are a funny team but still portrayed as heels. Well closer to heel than faces at least.

Post match Steven Richards comes out to try and steal the Hardcore Title but Spike makes the save and lets Bubba powerbomb Richards through the table.

Tommy Dreamer runs into Shawn Stasiak and Shawn isn’t pleased. Oh wait it’s PLANET Stasiak here, whatever that means. Regal comes up to laugh and winds up with a match against Stasiak.

William Regal vs. Shawn Stasiak

Brass knuckles, no bell, pin for Regal anyway in 12 seconds. Why the referee counted while literally watching Regal put the knuckles in his trunks is beyond me.

Bradshaw is out cold in the back and Flair thinks he knows whodunit.

Flair goes to find Hall and X-Pac and Kevin Nash walks out of a bathroom. Nash gets ejected and Big Show is added as Austin’s partner. I knew Big Show was joining that night when I saw this live.

Hogan comes out for his big celebration but just says he showed Vince and thanks the fans. Hulkamania is running wild and all that jazz you see.

Big Show/Steve Austin vs. NWO

X-Pac tries a spinwheel kick on Big Show and just bounces off. Hall comes in and is shoved down as well (JR: “Like a cheeseburger!”) so he wants Austin. Steve cleans house but gets caught by a knee lift from Hall followed by some right hands. Back to X-Pac and it’s spinebusters all around for the NWO. Big Show doesn’t seem interested in helping Austin deal with the double teaming.

A series of chops have X-Pac in trouble and Austin stomps a mudhole in both NWO members at the same time. Austin misses a charge and crotches himself on the ropes to give the NWO a few moments of control. A quick Thesz Press and middle finger elbow have Hall in trouble but X-Pac makes the save to stop any comeback.

Austin fights out of an abdominal stretch, only to walk into a clothesline for a few two counts. X-Pac comes back in but gets pounded in the face very quickly. Austin gets taken down by a spinwheel kick and it’s back to Hall for some running clotheslines in the corner. They trade sleepers until Austin fights out and tags Big Show, who immediately chokeslams Austin for the no contest.

Rating: D+. Boy it sure is convenient that Flair picked someone about to join the NWO. Of course Flair wasn’t in on it or anything (not being sarcastic) so the whole thing is a stretch, even by wrestling logic. The match sucked as you would expect it to with the NWO just not being an interesting concept at all.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s a more energetic show with less (though still existing) stupid moments. They had nowhere to go but up after last week so it’s not a huge compliment but I could at least tolerate this episode. Austin vs. Flair just isn’t doing it for me and I don’t think many people felt differently. There’s just not much to care about right now and it’s showing badly. Also: they managed to last a month without screwing up the Brand Extension. That’s better than I expected.

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So I’ve had a night to sleep on one of the most controversial shows I’ve ever seen. I didn’t have the chance to go as in depth as I wanted to with some of my thoughts last night because the Rumble is such a fast paced match. Let’s take a closer look the whole show in more of a rapid fire format.

 

First of all, the New Age Outlaws are the new Tag Team Champions. The more I think about this, the less I care for the idea. Yeah the Outlaws are on a nice reunion tour, but so were the Rhodes Brothers. Cody has the potential to become something important in the future, while the Outlaws are here for nostalgia and not much more. I get the idea of the Authority being corrupt and giving their friends title shots, but it doesn’t come off as cronyism when they won the title match clean.

 

Moving on to the actual show, the opening match was outstanding. That’s the kind of a win that Bray Wyatt needed because he’s the kind of character that is going to take a big hit when he loses his first big match. The win was good but the fact that it was one of the best openers in company history helped a lot.

 

Brock Lesnar is a terrifying human being. Seriously, the guy is just a beast and that F5 to Big Show had me screaming at my screen.

 

That brings us to what I thought was the bigger insult to the wrestlers of the night. John Cena vs. Randy Orton was a good match last night, but the fans treated it horribly. I understand that they wanted Daniel Bryan to be in the title picture, but it was incredibly rude to go off on those two because he wasn’t in there.

 

The worst part of it all: it was a good match. It’s true that Orton vs. Cena has been done several times and no one wanted to see this rematch, but the fans were chanting BORING less than 20 seconds in. If the mtch is actually boring then chant that, but don’t go off on it from the beginning. The stealing finishers stuff was good and thankfully it calmed the crowd down a bit, even though Orton went nuts several times out there.

 

One last thing about the match: John Cena continues to be an absolute master at working a crowd. Look back to the show in Portland (somewhere in the northwest at least) right before TLC when the fans chanted for Bryan throughout the Championship Celebration. Cena was smart enough to bring Bryan into his promo. Last night the fans were chanting for Y2J and Cena tried a Liontamer. The crowd immediately calmed down because they knew that someone was listenting to them and that’s all they wanted. It was still a very good match though.

 

That brings us to the ending of the match and its post match antics. It would seem that Cena’s Wrestlemania program is with the Wyatts and that’s good news all around. If there’s a better way to give Wyatt a big rub, I certainly can’t think of it. This is what the fans have been asking for: getting new stars to the top of the roster. Bray got the biggest win of his career last night and will now have the biggest match of his life ten weeks. It helps that Bray has shown he can have great matches and is more than just a great worker.

 

Now hopefully it’s just a singles match instead of turning it into a rumored tag match with Cena and Bryan teaming up against the Wyatts. Daniel is at the point where he doesn’t need a rub like that and we don’t want the Cena vs. Wyatt match stolen by fans who want to see something completely different from Bryan.

 

So that brings us to the big one of the evening and we’ll start from the beginning.

 

CM Punk was the Rumble’s Iron Man and I don’t think most people noticed. Punk spent a long stretch of the match laying around and waiting to get to the final four before Kane eliminated him in a very quick scene that didn’t have the impact they were hoping for. Kane vs. Punk at Elimination Chamber should be good but it felt like they were rushing to get to that moment last night and it took away from Punk’s Rumble performance. Good, but not memorable night for Punk last night.

 

The same can be said for Rollins and Ambrose. Both guys were in the Rumble for a long time but neither did anything all that special. The most interesting thing was Dean trying to throw out Reigns, but you could easily write that off by just saying it was trying to win the Rumble. I’d be fine if that’s what they did, but it feels like another seed being planted for the big Reigns face turn.

 

Alexander Rusev had a good debut and looked like a monster. I wish he had gotten to throw some people out, but having five or so people combine to eliminate him was a nice touch. He’s the kind of guy that would have been headlining house shows against Hogan back in 1986 and his NXT matches have all been good. He’ll be a force if given some time and it looks like his first program is with Kofi, who he’s traded wins with in NXT.

 

As for Kofi, his running jump back to the apron last night was a nice change of pace from the last few years worth of saves. More often than not they’ve been creative or clever, but this one was all about Kofi showing off how athletic he is. It was awesome looking and that’s all it was supposed to be.

 

Dolph Ziggler returned. It’s over.

 

Kevin Nash was a surprise so let’s look at all of the legends/comedy characters at once. It was a lighter year for these guys this time with only a handful of appearances. Nash was Nash, El Torito was there as a comedy segment (for the love of all things good and holy, don’t let this start Horny vs. Chavo II with Torito and Fandango), and then there’s JBL. While it was a fine idea, Cole saying “this is the first time the JBL character has appeared in the Rumble” made me groan. I know kayfabe is dead, but don’t pummel its corpse. Also the lack of Jake Roberts surprised me.

 

I’ll save Reigns and Batista for later.

 

Sheamus also returned last night and you can see the same problems that plagued him during his last year: he’s in severe need for a story. At the moment, Sheamus is just a strong guy who kicks people in the head. He hasn’t had the slightest bit of adversity or problems since he was World Heavyweight Champion. That makes for a very uninteresting character and not something that is going to carry Sheamus much further. Give us a reason to care about Sheamus the person, not Sheamus the fighter.

 

On a more positive note: that’s three straight final threes in the Rumble for Sheamus. Him being successful in the Rumble fits his fighter character really well, just like it did with Austin. Little things like that are when you can tell the writers are actually paying attention and it’s very nice to see.

 

Miz had a nice showing last night as well. If you let him show some aggression and stop with the stupid Figure Four stuff (that’s been going on for over a year now), there’s still hope for that guy.

 

Del Rio was just there and thankfully it doesn’t look like he’ll be doing anything of note for awhile.

 

I watched last year’s Rumble for the redos and it’s astounding how far Ryback has fallen in just a year. He came in at #30 in 2013 and destroyed the world before being in a showdown with Cena. Now he’s a midcard comedy act and little more. There’s still hope for him, but it’s not as a heel.

 

Big E. Langston was the worst disappointment to me last night. He came in, eliminated no one, and basically did nothing in his entire time in the Rumble. I’m still very high on the guy but he needs to have a good night soon to make up for that. Obviously it’s not all on him, but the Usos had better performances in the Rumble than Langston did.

 

I feel very sorry for Rey Mysterio. He could have been Santa Claus with a bag full of Corvettes for the crowd and would have been the biggest disappointment of the entire night. Anybody in that spot not named Bryan was going to be booed last night and it’s not Mysterio’s fault at all.

 

That brings us to the important stuff of the match last night. First off, Roman Reigns is getting the push that people have been expecting him to get for a long time (time for a little bragging: I’ve said he would be the biggest star out of the three since the beginning) and breaking Kane’s record was a big step towards that. Keep in mind that Reigns came in at #15 and Kane came in at #6 when he set the old record and the twelve eliminations last night are even more impressive. More on Reigns later.

 

Now it’s time to get to the most controversial guy in the Rumble: Big Dave Batista. I think I’m one of the few who sees it this way, but Batista was find as the Rumble winner. Yeah he’s been back for six days, but he was a big deal when he left and it’s not like he pinned someone to win the thing. Batista came back at the wrong time due to the whole Bryan fiasco. If this was any other year, people wouldn’t mind nearly as much. No he’s not in the same shape as he was in before, but give him more than ten minutes in the Rumble to get back to form. Also for people criticizing his spear, he was never good at that move. Why should he be now?

 

And now, for the Daniel Bryan situation. I don’t think people were saying he had to win or else. It wasn’t that Bryan didn’t win the Rumble, but that he wasn’t even in it. If Bryan was in the Rumble, got down to say the final three or even four before being screwed out of the match, it would have been a FAR better reaction. As a very smart guy named Barbosa said on WrestleZone last night:

 

“Pardon me and the thousands of others for having some expectation of the hottest act being put in a position to win the Royal Rumble.”

That sums it up as well as anything else could. Bryan didn’t need to win, but he needed to place or show. The crowd knew what they wanted last night and did not care what else they were going to get as a consolation. As I said in the review, I’ve never seen a crowd just turn on a match as fast as they did when Mysterio’s music hit. They did not care to see anyone but Bryan and they made that very clear in a few seconds.

This brings me to the reception the show received. I’ve seen people calling it the worst show the company ever produced and that just makes me laugh. First and foremost, Wyatt vs. Bryan was more than enough to make it an acceptable show. Also listen to the crowd for the entire Rumble up to Mysterio’s music hitting. They’re totally into the match and care about everything going on, but that one moment changes everything. It’s a great show with a bad last fifteen minutes, not a horrible show at all.

Oh and one more thing which unfortunately I can’t take credit for. Picture this:

#30 hits and Daniel Bryan’s music plays.

“I’m afraid I’ve got some BAD NEWS for you all. Daniel Bryan isn’t in the Royal Rumble but BAD NEWS BARRETT IS!”

He would be a made man for years.

So now let’s look at what we should have on tap for Mania.

Punk vs. HHH. Obvious before the Rumble and even more confirmed now.

It would seem that we’re getting Orton vs. Batista, but for the life of me I can’t picture that being the main event or even for the title. I’m not sure what replaces it yet, but if that’s for the title then they’ll be lucky if the fans don’t set the ring on fire.

Cena vs. Bray Wyatt. Should be awesome, though there’s a chance it’ll be Cena/Bryan vs. the Wyatt Family, which doesn’t blow my skirt up.

That leaves us with four men who now need Wrestlemania matches and I think we get the following matches out of it:

Daniel Bryan vs. Brock Lesnar and the Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns.

Can you imagine the David vs. Goliath story with Bryan fighting back against Lesnar’s power? Punk made a great match out of it and Bryan can do the same. That would placate the audience well enough in New Orleans I believe.

Roman Reigns is as perfect of a Wrestlemania opponent as you could have for Undertaker. He’s been built up as a record breaker with the Survivor Series (he tied it there but it’s the same idea) and then last night with Kane’s Rumble record, so why not go after the biggest record of them all? Picture Reigns hitting the spear and Undertaker kicking out at the last second or Reigns Superman Punching his way out of the chokeslam. It would be an epic showdown.

Overall it was a very good show but the booking was questionable at best and horrendous at worst. The good thing coming out of it is the number ten, as in how many weeks we have until Wrestlemania. There’s a lot of time to fix the problems shown last night and I have confidence that they’ll fix things instead of letting Wrestlemania be hijacked by the fans. Bryan doesn’t have to be in the title match, but if they put him out there with Cena or against Sheamus, there’s going to be a very big problem that they brought entirely on themselves.

 

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Royal Rumble 2014
Date: January 26, 2014
Location: Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

Tonight marks the official start of the Road to Wrestlemania. We’re ten weeks away from the biggest show of the year and barring some surprising changes, the main event will be set in place tonight. The odds on favorite for the Rumble would seem to be Batista, but for the life of me I can’t imagine anyone but Daniel Bryan winning it. He isn’t entered yet, but there are about ten slots left open. Give him a late number and listen to the roof blow off the place. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust

Cody and Goldust are defending and lost a non-title match to the Outlaws to set this up. Road Dogg starts with Cody and is taken down by a quick shoulder block. Back up and Roadie hits his shaky fist but has to duck the Disaster Kick. Gunn comes in off the tag but is quickly sent to the floor for a top rope clothesline as we take a break. Back with Road Dogg dropping a knee on Goldust for two and putting on a chinlock.

Goldust fights back up and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Billy breaks up a tag attempt as the announcers brag about how Gunn hasn’t aged a bit since the 90s. For 50 years old the guys is in good shape. Goldust finally makes the hot tag and Cody speeds things up, including a double springboard missile dropkick to put both Outlaws down. Cross Rhodes lays out Road Dogg but Billy saves at two. Billy comes in off a blind tag as Cody hits the Disaster Kick to Roadie, setting up the Fameasser for the pin and the titles at 6:30.

Rating: C. I was surprised here. Not only was this not the result I was expecting, but the match was better than I thought it was going to be. The Brothers had been on one heck of a roll since the fall, but this likely leads into the Authority being corrupt storyline. That doesn’t make sense given that the Outlaws just won the match clean, but I’m assuming that’s the idea.

The opening video focuses on a countdown and how the Road to Wrestlemania begins tonight.

We recap Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt. Daniel joined the Wyatt Family a few weeks ago but only lasted two weeks in the group before turning on Bray in the huge face turn, despite him barely ever being a heel. Tonight is the showdown we’ve been waiting for.

Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt

The Family is with Bray here, despite the idea of the match being that they’re not supposed to be here. Daniel fires off kicks to the leg and takes Bray down with a running knee but Bray gets in a shot of his own to take over. The Wyatts get in a few blows of their own and are ejected, with Bray saying he doesn’t need them to fight this war. Back in and Daniel gets in some kicks to the leg and a high cross body for two, only to be sent to the floor. Bray misses a charge into the steps and injures his knee again, giving Bryan the opening he’s been needing.

Daniel hooks something resembling an Indian Deathlock before stomping Bray’s face into the mat for two. They slug it out on the apron with the fans chanting YES/NO in time. Bray headbutts Daniel to stagger him and wrings his arm down onto the apron to take over. Back in and Bray is in serious mode now. We hit the chinlock but Daniel quickly fights up with forearms, only to be backdropped to the floor.

The annoying fans chant Jerry Lawler as Bray rams Daniel’s head into the post and drives in forearms for good measure. A running senton backsplash has Daniel in even more trouble and Bray asks the fans why they don’t help him. Bray catapults Daniel throat first into the ropes and we hit another chinlock. Wyatt does his spider walk out of the corner and the announcers of course laugh at Linda Blair jokes. He stays on Daniel’s neck with another chinlock but Daniel gets in a shot to the head and shakes the ropes before firing off even more strikes.

A drop toehold sends Bray into the middle buckle and there are the YES Kicks to the chest and leg. Daniel hooks a hurricanrana from the middle rope to send the big man flying but he’s out at two. Now the fans are into it by saying this is awesome and there’s the moonsault in the corner. Daniel loads up the clothesline but thankfully Bray knows what’s coming and hits a running elbow to stop Bryan’s comeback.

Bray misses a charge and falls to the floor, allowing Bryan to hit a running tornado DDT off the apron. Awesome looking move. There’s the running dropkick to knock Bray into the barricade and the missile dropkick puts him down back inside. Now the real YES Kicks have Bray in even more trouble as the fans are going nuts. The big kick to the head gets two and Daniel loads up the running dropkicks in the corner but Bray clotheslines him inside out for a very near fall.

Sister Abigail is countered into a rollup for two and there’s the YES Lock but Bray bites the hand for the break. Bray’s superplex is countered with headbutts and Daniel hits a top rope splash to crush Wyatt. Daniel loads up the running knee but Bray bails to the floor. Bryan dives at him with the FLYING GOAT but Bray catches him in midair and hits a wicked Sister Abigail into the barricade. Sister Abigail connects for the pin at 21:37.

Rating: A. Well that was awesome. This was a good example of a match where both guys could look great and only one could win. Daniel losing here isn’t a bad thing as he could still come back later and win the Rumble to make up for this. Both guys look better coming out of this and Bray was the one that needed the win more. As soon as he loses, a lot of his mystique is gone. Outstanding match here and something Bray needed.

The expert panel (HBK, Flair, Duggan) are impressed. Shawn seems fine after his fight with Bryan a few weeks ago.

Paul Heyman says Brock wants a title shot and talks about how great Big Show is. It doesn’t matter though as Brock is going to destroy him and then take over the WWE.

We recap Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar. Show doesn’t like Lesnar and is tired of him being a bully so tonight he’s standing up to him. He also stuffed a Lesnar takedown attempt on Raw earlier this week to show how strong he was.

Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show

For once this is under regular rules. Brock takes him down before the bell like an MMA fight and just mauls Big Show before blasting him over and over with a chair. More chair shots put Show on the mat as Jerry butchers history, saying Big Show gave Brock his first loss at the 2002 Royal Rumble (it was the 2002 Survivor Series). Show is beaten down even more with chair shot after chair shot. The bell still hasn’t rung.

The referee runs from Brock and Big Show says ring the bell. Brock comes at him with the chair but walks into the KO Punch which knocks Lesnar silly. He rolls to the floor and Big Show throws him around with ease. Back in and Brock ducks another KO Punch and gets caught in the F5. Lesnar WALKS AROUND WITH BIG SHOW ON HIS SHOULDERS and hits the biggest F5 you’ll ever see, making it more like an AA, for the pin at 2:05.

Post match Brock destroys him with even more chair shots, each one louder than the last. He bends two chairs over Show’s back so he goes to get a third and beats on Show’s leg. Show is left in a heap after what was much more of a segment than a match.

The Shield won’t tell each other their numbers. Rollins says the only number that matters is three.

Randy Orton says he’ll beat John Cena tonight and send him to the back of the line. Renee Young mentions Batista, Brock Lesnar and Bray Wyatt wanting title shots. Orton: “Bray Wyatt? He’s a Duck Dynasty reject.” The crowd laughs as Orton says it’s not John Cena’s night.

We get a LONG recap of John Cena vs. Randy Orton. Randy beat him at TLC for the Undisputed Title in a TLC match but tonight it’s one fall with no stipulations. On top of that Orton attacked Cena’s father a few weeks ago on Raw to make it personal.

WWE Title: Randy Orton vs. John Cena

We’re ready to go after the big match intros. The fans chant for Daniel Bryan and then that the match is boring. Cena takes him down with a headscissors and the chant shifts to the usual dueling Cena chants. Orton grabs a headlock and suplexes Cena down as the chants go to WE WANT ANGLE and Randy Savage. There’s a Y2J chant…..AND CENA TRIES FOR A LIONTAMER! It shifts the chants to Undertaker as Orton suplexes Cena back inside for two.

The fans think it’s boring as we’re in a chinlock less than five minutes into the match. They head outside with Cena being sent into the steps as the crowd is restless again. Back to the Bryan chant and Orton actually shouts that he’s the champion and not Bryan. A nice DDT puts Cena down for two and the fans think both guys suck. Cena comes back with an electric chair for two and the shoulder blocks followed by the ProtoBomb. Orton counters the Shuffle with the powerslam but Cena comes back with his half nelson slam into a neckbreaker for two of his own.

Cena loads up the top rope Fameasser but first has to block a superplex attempt before connecting for two. Orton throws him to the apron but Cena backdrops him to the floor to counter the Elevated DDT. The crowd has calmed down a bit now. Orton comes right back with the Elevated DDT on the floor and holds a finger to his ear for the crowd. Back inside and the RKO is countered into the STF as the crowd just does not care, probably because they know a title match isn’t ending less than fifteen minutes in.

Randy crawls over to the rope and gets in a shot to the head for a breather on the floor. Back in and Cena grabs another ProtoBomb followed by the Shuffle but Orton grabs the rope to block the AA. The referee gets bumped and there’s the STF, making Randy tap but there’s no referee. Randy hits him in the face with the belt for two as the doctor revives the referee.

The fans think this is awful as an AA gets two for John. An RKO gets the same and the fans still don’t buy that the match is ending yet. Orton poses as the fans say they want Divas. With nothing else to do, Orton puts Cena in the STF but Cena is quickly out and has Orton in a Crossface. That’s countered into a rollup for two and Orton hits an AA (done more like Cena used to do it without going down) for two more.

Cena of course hits an RKO for two of his own before loading up the middle rope AA, only to have Orton get free pretty quickly. A tornado DDT puts Orton down and sets up the STF in the middle of the ring….and cue the Wyatts. Cena chases them off but walks into the RKO for the pin at 20:53. Orton was surprised by the Wyatts being there.

Rating: B. The worst part about the crowd: the match was good. Trading finishers was something new for these guys, which is impressive as they’ve had about a dozen matches on PPV alone. The Wyatts interfering would seem to set up Cena vs. Wyatt at Mania, which is interesting to say the least. Good stuff here, as the show continues to rock.

Cena is destroyed as Orton bails. Bray hits Sister Abigail after shouting BEHOLD THE CREATORS OF THE NEW WORLD.

The New Age Outlaws tell Renee Young to put some more onto their intro. We look at the end of the preshow match and it’s a new record for longest time between title reigns at 14 years. They have two words for Renee: new champs.

We even get old school Rumble promos!

Miz will do whatever it takes to headline Wrestlemania again.

The Usos say only one can win and go to Wrestlemania.

Langston is ready.

Fandango wants to go to the Big Dance.

Batista: “Exactly.”

Sandow says insanity means trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. He won’t make them again.

Ryback says his unlimited energy takes him to Wrestlemania.

Rey Mysterio says he’ll shock the world again.

Back to the expert panel. Shawn picks Shield or Punk. Flair picks Batista. Duggan picks…..Dolph Ziggler?

Royal Rumble

90 second entrants this year and it’s Punk at #1 and Rollins at #2. Punk takes him back into the corner to start but Rollins puts him onto the top, only to be elbowed in the head. Punk comes back with strikes but Rollins just punches him into the face. A kick to Seth’s ribs slows him down but he avoids a big kick to the face and hits a running dropkick. There’s a running forearm in the corner but Punk comes back with the running knee. He calls for the GTS but gets caught by an enziguri. Punk kicks him in the face and both guys are down as Damien Sandow is in at #3.

Sandow goes right for Punk as Rollins gets a breather. Punk gets double teamed but comes back with a neckbreaker to Rollins/DDT to Sandow combo to put both guys down. He tries to throw Rollins out but Sandow breaks it up. Cody Rhodes is in at #4, meaning people from earlier in the night can be in as well. He hits a quick Cross Rhodes on Damien but Seth prevents an elimination. Sandow charges at Punk and is backdropped out to get us back to three.

Rollins gets double teamed but Kane is #5, wrestling in black dress pants. He goes right after Punk and stomps him down in the corner before hitting a nice side slam. Punk blocks the chokeslam with a high kick and throws Kane out with relative ease. Alexander Rusev, a Bulgarian monster from NXT, is in at #6. He immediately starts cleaning house but only throws Cody and Rollins to the apron. Alexander picks up Punk and throws him around with a fallaway slam and it’s Jack Swagger at #7.

Jack charges to the ring and hits a quick Vader Bomb on Rollins and Cody as the ring is filling up a bit. We get a showdown between Rusev and Swagger and the fans chant USA. Rusev takes over with a clothesline and a charge in the corner but Rollins takes Alexander’s leg out and it’s a triple team with everyone not named Punk stomping the Bulgarian. The fans are WAY into this.

Kofi Kingston is in at #8 and you can feel the big save coming. He rolls into the ring and immediately punches Punk down but can’t throw him out. Cody hits the Disaster Kick on Swagger as Kofi goes after Rusev, who he’s been feuding with in NXT. Swagger has Rollins upside down in the corner but can’t get him out. Jimmy Uso is in at #9 and hits a quick Bubba Bomb on Rollins and gets in shots on everyone else. Punk headbutts Jimmy and we get some good old fashioned racial sterotypes as it has no effect.

Goldust is in at #10, giving us a group of Punk, Rollins, Rhodes, Kingston, Rusev, Swagger and Uso. He takes Rollins down with some right hands and hits the kneeling uppercut on Jimmy. Rusev punches the paint off Goldie’s face to stop his momentum and eveyrone gangs up on Alexander again. We need some eliminations here. A big group of about five people get Rusev out in a showing that could have gone longer.

Kofi is knocked to the apron and into Rusev’s arms, so he lays him on the barricade and drives knees into Kingston’s back. Kofi stands up on the barricade and tightropes across before jumping ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE APRON in an incredible athletic display. Ambrose (coming through the entrance) is in at #11. He goes right for Kofi and then Punk as Swagger is in big trouble but gets back inside. Things slow down a bit as Goldust slides back in under the ropes. Dolph Ziggler returns at #12.

Ziggler speeds things up by pounding on everyone but is put on the apron in just a few seconds. The ring is really getting full as we need a monster to clear it out. Instead we get R-Truth at #13 but is double teamed by the two Shield members. They toss him to the apron and Ambrose kicks him out with ease. Jimmy goes up but gets kicked in the head, allowing Ambrose to shove him out as well. Kofi is on the apron but has to block a boot from Swagger. He holds onto it so long that he’s literally hanging in by his feet and pulls Jack’s boot off.

Kevin Nash of all people is in at #14, giving us a group of Punk, Rollins, Nash, Ziggler, Ambrose, Goldust, Swagger, Rhodes and Kingston. Nash puts out Swagger as soon as he gets in but has to deal with Shield. Things slow down again and it’s Roman Reigns in at #15 to put the entire Shield in the match. There’s a spear to Cody and a headbutt to Nash’s chest. Roman catches Trouble in Paradise and throws Kofi out but shrugs off the Zig Zag and hits a GREAT spear on Ziggler for a quick elimination.

Nash is low bridged out by Reigns as well as the ring is rapidly emptying out. Goldust and Cody go after Reigns but Rollins makes a save. Great Khali is in at #16 and Shield is on him as he comes in. The giant shoves all of them down but a Superman Punch knocks him into the ropes, allowing all three of them to put Khali out. Goldust, Punk and Rhodes pair off with the three guys but Cody is sent to the floor, only to be accidentally knocked out by his brother. Reigns dumps Goldust and we’re down to Punk vs. Shield.

Things even up a lot as Sheamus returns at #17. Shield is right on him but the pale one fights them off and gets them all in different corners. There are the ten forearms to Ambrose’s chest with the last one being to the exposed chest. An Irish Curse puts Rollins down and a Brogue Kick knocks Reigns silly. Sheamus stands tall but Reigns is dead weight. Rollins and Ambrose double team Sheamus and it’s Miz at #18, giving us Shield, Punk, Sheamus and Miz.

Everyone pairs off again but they all wind up in one corner. Punk has been down for a long time now but is likely just getting a breather. The clock is going very fast tonight as Fandango is in at #19. Shield swarms Sheamus as Fandango goes after Miz. Punk is still down in the corner. The fans want Daniel Bryan but get El Torito at #20. As in the little guy in the white bull costume.

Naturally he beats up a few guys but Punk gives him a look that channels Miz by saying “really?” Punk grabs him by the head but gets caught in a freaking hurricanrana. Fandango runs him over (JBL: “PETA is going to be mad. I head Mantaur is his grandfather.”) but gets hurricanranaed to the apron and dropkicked out by the bull. Torito dives on Reigns like an idiot though and is LAUNCHED onto Fandango for his sixth elimination. We’re back to Miz, Sheamus and Punk vs. Shield.

Cesaro is in at #21 and picks Miz up for a quick Cesaro Swing. Punk gets one as well but Rollins and Ambrose break it up. Cesaro rams them into each other and swings Rollins until it’s Luke Harper at #22. Reigns spears Cesaro down as things slow again. Rollins and Cesaro slug it out and Jey Uso is in at #23, giving us Shield, Sheamus, Miz, Jey, Punk, Cesaro and Harper. Speaking of Cesaro and Harper, they have a big power slugout with Harper kicking Cesaro’s head off to take over.

JBL of all people is in at #24 to a BIG pop and comes in wearing a full suit and tie. He yells at Cole to come take his coat, allowing Reigns to throw him out with ease. That’s #7 for Reigns. Erick Rowan is in at #25 and teams up with Harper to dump Miz, leaving us Shield, the Wyatt Family, Miz, Punk, Sheamus, Cesaro and Jey Uso. Jey is kicked out by Harper and Shield stares down the Wyatts as Ryback is in at #26. Everyone brawls and Alberto Del Rio is #27.

Nothing much happens until Batista is in for the big cleanup spot at #28. He’s in very short shorts instead of trunks but still looks good. He clotheslines Rowan out and it’s showdown time with Ryback. They slug it out and Cesaro has to dive out of the way of a launched Batista. Ryback is backdropped out by Big Dave but Del Rio clips Batista and kicks him in the head. Batista easily picks Alberto up and tosses him out though, right before Big E. Langston is in at #29.

Langston starts with a nice belly to belly on Batista and a series of backbreakers to Sheamus. The fans start chanting YES as the clock is ticking down. #30 is…….Rey Mysterio, completely letting the air out of the arena. The final group is Punk, Shield, Harper, Sheamus, Cesaro, Mysteiro, Langston and Batista. Rey and Rollins try to eliminate each other but neither go out. Sheamus knocks out Langston to get us down to ten but the fans just do not care now.

Rollins tosses Mysterio to a pop because he’s not who the fans wanted to see. Rollins and Ambrose stomp Sheamus down in the corner and get Harper to the apron but Reigns Superman Punches him out. Ambrose tries to get rid of Reigns but can’t quite do it, triggering an argument. Cesaro goes after both of them so Reigns dumps Cesaro, Rollins and Ambrose, which ties Kane’s record of eleven. His reward is a spinebuster as we’re down to four: Punk, Batista, Sheamus and Reigns.

Make that three as Kane comes in and pulls Punk out before chokeslamming him through the table. The final three are Reigns, Batista and Sheamus who are all down as the fans chant for Mysterio. Everyone slowly gets back up and the fans boo this out of the building. This would be Sheamus’ third straight final three by the way. Batista breaks up a spear to Sheamus as the NO chants begin. Sheamus rewards him with the Regal Roll but Batista ducks the Brogue Kick.

A backdrop puts Sheamus on the apron and Reigns dumps him for the record at 12 eliminations. Batista thinks he dumps Reigns but Roman slides back in as we’re down to two. Roman unzips the vest and stares Batista down as the fans are somewhat into this. They slug it out with Reigns taking over but Batista comes back with a spear. The fans are COMPLETELY behind Reigns here as he spears Batista right back. He’s all fired up….but Batista easily throws him out for the win at 55:10, letting the air out of the arena again.

Rating: B. It was a really good Rumble, but man alive if that crowd reaction doesn’t change something, nothing is going to. I’ve been watching wrestling my entire life and I have never ever heard a crowd just go silent like they did when Mysterio came out. I mean they just DIED. Batista was destined to win this thing, even though he was the completely wrong pick. Reigns looks like a STAR here but needed the win to cement it. Batista just was not the right pick here, but you knew it was coming the entire time.

The fans are not pleased as a lot of fireworks go off to end the show.

Overall Rating: A. Very ticked off crowd to say the least, this was an outstanding show. Everything was either good to excellent with only the world title match being a step below the rest. Raw tomorrow night is going to be VERY interesting as they’re either going to change a lot of stuff or have the worst crowd reaction to a Wrestlemania of all time. I had an awesome night with this show, but Batista should not have gotten that win, period.

I’ll have more in depth thoughts and analysis on the Rumble tomorrow after it’s had a better chance to process.

Results

Bray Wyatt b. Daniel Bryan – Sister Abigail

Brock Lesnar b. Big Show – F5

Randy Orton b. John Cena – RKO

Batista won the Royal Rumble, last eliminating Roman Reigns

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After Smackdown last night I’m actually excited for the show.

As always we’ll start with the pre-show match.  I can’t imagine they’ll take the belts off the Rhodes Brothers and give them to the Outlaws, especially not on a pre-show.  The Brothers have been on fire as of late and come off like main event players, so the belts stay with them.  The Outlaws have been impressive though as they’re basically at the same level they were on fifteen years ago.

Lesnar over Big Show.  There’s a chance they’ll do a double DQ, but Big Show doesn’t get hurt by losing as he’ll get at least two world title shots on PPV this year.

Orton keeps the title in a match I think people forget exists.  The booking of this feud has been completely backwards with the title match being booked and then making it personal and the gimmick match leading off the feud.  I don’t believe for a second that there won’t be interference of some sort and Orton keeps the title.  I have very little desire to see this match.

I have a feeling we get a no contest/unclean ending to Bray vs. Bryan.  THe Wyatts losing kills most of the mystique but Bryan is so hot right now that you can’t have him lose at a big PPV.  I think they drag this out to another show which isn’t the worst thing in the world.

Now for the real main event with the Rumble itself.  Until #30 enters and it’s not Bryan, I’ll take Daniel Bryan as the favorite to win.  He’s the hottest thing in years and there are only twenty entrants accounted for so far.  Yeah there are a lot of rumors out there about what might be coming for him at Wrestlemania but I’ll believe the card when it’s announced on Raw.  If Bryan isn’t in there, this is going to Batista, which it likely is anyway.  Punk will make a good run but Kane will screw him over, setting up Punk vs. Kane at Elimination Chamber which sets up Punk vs. HHH at Wrestlemania.

If AJ vs. Naomi is added, the champion keeps the title.

Overall the show definitely has me interested because the Rumble is a match that can go several ways.  Yeah Batista is the big favorite at this point, but there are other options to winning it.  The other matches should be fun though I have less of a desire to see them.  The good thing about the RUmble is that a third of the show is spent on one match, so the entire show hinges on that alone.

Thoughts/predictions?

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Smackdown
Date: January 24, 2014
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Josh Matthews

It’s the go home show for the Rumble and not a lot changed this past week on Raw. Batista is back and apparently people are still interested in him, meaning I can’t imagine anyone else taking the Rumble at this point. Since it’s Friday, I’m guessing we’ll be getting a big tag match to close out the week. Let’s get to it.

We open with an in memory of George Scott graphic. Always nice to see.

Opening sequence actually opens us up.

The main event tonight is a ten man tag with the Usos/Rhodes Brothers/Langston vs. Shield/New Age Outlaws.

The Real Americans are in the ring to start with Colter ranting about Big Show attacking him. Unfortunately his voice is better now and not as awesome as it was last week. We get a clip from two weeks ago of Big Show knocking Colter out cold which set up tonight’s tag match with Show/Mysterio vs. the Real Americans. Colter doesn’t think Mysterio is his real name either. Speaking of names, Colter comes up with various names for Big Show/Mysterio: the Border Jumping Buddies, Tacos Supremos Hold the Salsa and El Gordito and the Jumping Bean.

Real Americans vs. Big Show/Rey Mysterio

Swagger charges at Big Show to start and is easily thrown down. Some forearms to the back send Jack running to the corner for a tag off to Cesaro who is thrown around as well. Show puts his foot on Cesaro’s face and lifts him up by the arm for a kind of reverse curb stomp. Cesaro is tossed out to the floor and Mysterio takes him down with a seated senton off the apron. A kick to the face drops Swagger and we take a break. Back with Cesaro holding a chinlock on Mysterio until Rey fights up and gets two off a rollup.

Antonio doesn’t like being covered so he Swings Mysterio around for a few seconds. Off to Swagger who counters catches a middle rope hurricanrana in midair, only to be sent face first into the middle buckle. Cesaro comes back in but the Real Americans get caught in a double DDT, allowing for the hot tag to Big Show. The monster hiptosses both Americans with ONE ARM. That’s very cool looking, even if both of them helped with the throw. A 619 sets up the WMD and the splash off Big Show’s shoulders for the pin on Cesaro at 8:52.

Rating: C-. The match was formula stuff but it made Big Show look good going into the showdown on Sunday. Mysterio was just kind of there but it’s good to see him in the ring instead of on the injured list all the time. He’s nowhere near what he used to be but at his age and with his knees held together with glue, it’s about as good as you can expect.

Heyman comes out post match and tells Big Show to enjoy his health while he can, because there will be nothing to celebrate on Sunday. Big Show did throw Lesnar around on Monday, but it’s only made Brock want to hurt Big Show even more. Lesnar will be WWE Champion after dealing with the giant.

The Miz vs. Brodus Clay

Before the match, Wade Barrett’s podium rises up and he informs us that while the ten man tag will be awesome tonight, this is going to be one of the worst matches in WWE history. He starts the MIZ IS AWFUL chant and bangs his gavel in place of the five clap sequence. That’s really not something you should say on your programming, even for a Miz match. Miz jumps Barrett while the crowd takes up the chant. Barrett keeps taking jabs at the match, calling it one of the worst things he’s ever seen and thinking the crowd wants milk and cookies. He asks Clay to dance and the distraction lets Miz hits a DDT for the pin at 1:22.

Miz goes up to the podium but Barrett laughs down at him.

Rumble By The Numbers promo.

AJ Lee vs. Cameron

Non-title. AJ quickly takes her down but charges into a boot in the corner. Cameron stops to dance a bit before dropping a leg for two. A baseball slide puts Naomi down but she walks into a Shining Wizard for the pin at 1:32.

Post match Tamina goes after Cameron but Naomi makes the save and lays AJ out with a Bubba Bomb.

Raw ReBound shows Batista returning and laying out Alberto.

Shield says twenty seven other men are going to enter the Royal Rumble as hungry dogs. Those other people can pretend they’re going to have a chance but it’s just wishful thinking. All of the other men are casualties and Reigns says he’ll win.

Ryback/Curtis Axel vs. Los Matadores

JBL thinks El Torito is a descendant of Mr. Ed. Ryback slams Diego down for an early two before Axel comes in to ram Diego into the corner. A nice running dropkick keeps Diego in trouble, causing Josh to say Torito has a look of concern on his face. JBL: “HE’S A BULL!” Back to Ryback who toys with Diego even more before jumping off the middle rope into a pair of boots. Axel can’t break up the hot tag attempt and Fernando comes in to clean house. A double arm DDT gets two on Axel but Ryback makes the save and throws Diego to the floor. Fernando throws Ryback out, only to get rolled up by Axel for the pin at 3:20.

Rating: C-. I believe that’s Los Matadores’ first loss, but thankfully they stayed undefeated for so long because they haven’t been on TV all that much. They’re just not an interesting team at all and I can’t picture them lasting much longer without being relegated to Superstars. It’s nice to see Axel get a pin as well.

Post match Torito IMMEDIATELY sends Axel to the floor and dives on him Ryback so the fans won’t have their spirits crushed or something.

Here’s Punk to address Kane making him #1 in the Rumble. We get a clip of Punk calling Kane a suck up last week, earning himself a chokeslam as well as a clip from Raw of Kane apologizing and getting knocked to the floor. Punk talks about the Authority’s lapdog making him the #1 entrant in the Rumble to stack the deck against him. That’s what he expected from HHH and Stephanie but it just motivates him to become WWE Champion again.

He’s done a lot in the WWE but the one glaring omission is winning the Rumble. Now that he’s #1 it might be the toughest match he’s ever competed in, but that’s what you have to expect if you call yourself the best in the world. On Sunday he’s going to punch the lion in the face and do everything he can to be the last man standing.

This brings out Kane who says that Punk has a .000000186 chance of winning, or one in five hundred million. Maybe his odds are a little better because he’s best in the world though. Punk says never tell him the odds and that it’s sad to see what has happened to the Devil’s Favorite Demon. Is he the Authority’s Favorite Statistician now? Punk isn’t worried because the #1 entrant has won before and he’s been the best since day one.

We recap Bryan vs. Wyatt who have a match on Sunday. I’m actually looking forward to that showdown.

Wyatt Family vs. Prime Time Players

Harper pounds on Young in the corner to start before kicking his head off with a big boot. Off to Rowan who takes off the mask to reveal that hideous face of his. Harper loads up a whip to send Rowan into the corner but instead Rowan whips Harper into the other corner to take out Titus. The discus lariat ends Young at 1:05 in a total squash.

Darren gets Sister Abigail post match and Bray says he’ll change the world. You can hear some Bo Dallas in his voice as he speaks, only to have Daniel Bryan cut him off. Bryan says listen to these people because they don’t fear fate, the reapers or burning with the saints. On Sunday, Daniel will no longer be trapped in Bray’s madness, but Bray will be trapped in Daniel’s prison. He’ll find out who the real monster is as the fans chant YES.

Fandango vs. Kofi Kingston

During the entrances we get an inset interview from Kofi who says that he’s done some amazing things to stay in the Rumble, but this Sunday he’s going to perform his greatest feat of all: win the Royal Rumble and go on to headline Wrestlemania. Simple, to the point, ties into his character’s history. I’d love these sort of promos to be more common.

A shoulder block puts Kofi down and Fandango gyrates a bit. Back up and Kofi throws him over the top and out to the corner (nice touch) and we get an Emma sighting. Fandango rams him into the apron to take over and something resembling a Pele gets two on Kofi back inside. Kingston pops back up and sends Fandango into the ropes for Trouble in Paradise and the pin at 2:57. Just a match.

Rumble By The Numbers Part II.

Long recap of Cena vs. Orton.

New Age Outlaws/Shield vs. Usos/Cody Rhodes/Goldust/Big E. Langston

Jimmy and Rollins get things going with Seth stomping him down in the corner. They run the ropes a few times until Jimmy stops to dance and grab an arm. Ambrose comes in and has his arm worked on for a few minutes before a right hand gets two. Langston gets the tag and charges into Ambrose’s ribs in the corner before hitting a series of backbreakers to keep Dean in trouble. Dean gets a boot up in the corner and tags in Reigns for a big running clothesline.

Big E. gets triple teamed for a bit but just powers Shield off and makes the tag to Cody. Things speed up a bit with a springboard missile dropkick and the Disaster Kick but Gunn comes in for a shot from behind to take over. We take a break and come back with Cody sunset flipping Rollins for two before Seth takes him down again. Gunn gets the tag and drops a knee for two. The heels continue their tagging with Reigns hammering on his back and holding him in place with a cravate.

Dean comes back in with a spinning belly to back suplex for two but Cody fights out of a belly to back superplex and hits the moonsault press on the now legal Reigns. Goldust gets the hot tag to clean house and even hits a top rope hurricanrana to blow everyone’s minds. A powerslam gets two on Road Dogg and here’s Langston for the Big Ending on Rollins but Roman makes the save with a spear.

Jey superkicks Reigns down and Jimmy adds the Superfly Splash but throws Dean to the floor instead of covering. The Usos load up the stereo dives but Billy cuts off Jimmy and takes him down with the Fameasser. Cody comes back in for the Disaster Kick but Roadie takes him down with the pumphandle slam, only to have Goldust grab a rollup but Shield makes a save as the match is thrown out at 13:20.

Rating: B-. This was an old formula tag match but the very hot finish helped it out a lot. I’m a sucker for the parade of finishers to set up the ending and when you have ten guys it’s quite a long parade. The DQ ending is a smart move here as you don’t want anyone doing a job going into the Rumble or a title match.

Everybody gets in and we get the traditional huge brawl with everyone else announced for the Rumble (other than Batista of course) coming to join in the fight. CM Punk comes out to a BIG pop to get in on the brawl as the show goes off the air.

Overall Rating: B. This is the show they’ve been needing to have since the beginning of the year. Tonight was about the Rumble match itself with people wanting to go to Wrestlemania, which is the whole point of the show this Sunday. The other matches got some nice build as well and for once I’m excited for the entire show. Tonight wasn’t supposed to be about good matches or the in ring action and it wasn’t the focus. Good episode tonight which did its job.

Results

Big Show/Rey Mysterio b. Real Americans – Splash to Cesaro

The Miz b. Wade Barrett – DDT

AJ Lee b. Cameron – Shining Wizard

Curtis Axel/Ryback b. Los Matadores – Rollup to Fernando

Wyatt Family b. Prime Time Players – Discus lariat to Young

Kofi Kingston b. Fandango – Trouble in Paradise

Usos/Big E. Langston/Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Shield/New Age Outlaws via DQ when all three members of Shield came into the ring

 

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