Tables Ladders and Chairs 2012
Date: December 16, 2012
Location: Barclays Center, Brooklyn, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

This is the final stop before we get to the Rumble where Rock can finally get his title shot, meaning we can stop having everything lead up to that instead of having stuff that matters. The main event is a six man tag because Punk is injured. Other than that we’ve got Cena vs. Ziggler for the MITB case and Sheamus vs. Show in a chairs match for the Smackdown Title. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Divas Battle Royal

Layla, Kaitlyn, Alicia Fox, Natalya, Tamina Snuka, Aksana, Rosa Mendes, Cameron, Naomi

The winner gets the title shot presumably later tonight. They’re all in Santa outfits here and Eve is on commentary. Rosa is put out quickly and the Funkadactyls do some splits on I think Alicia. I think Cameron is put out and Aksana lays on the ropes like an idiot. She deserves the elimination she gets. Striker says that there might be a dancing basketball rivalry because Layla and Eve danced for different NBA teams.

Tamina eliminates Layla and Kaitlyn dropkicks Nattie out. We’ve got Kaitlyn, Naomi and Tamina left as Alicia was put out off camera earlier I guess. Naomi actually puts out Tamina and we get a rematch of NXT Season 3. Kaitlyn spears her down but misses a dropkick. Naomi puts her on the apron and Layla adds a slap, allowing Naomi to dropkick Kaitlyn out for the win at 5:26.

Rating: D. Yes, one of the Funkadactyls, the dancers of Brodus Clay who hasn’t been on TV in weeks, is the #1 contender to the Divas Title. Has she ever spoken a word on television or been seen on her own? Wait why am I even trying to figure this out? It’s the freaking Divas division so what difference does it make?

The regular show opens with a twenty six bell salute to those who died in the shooting in Connecticut.

There are ladders EVERYWHERE, including hanging from the rafters over the stage.

Rhodes Scholars vs. Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara

Tables match where only one member has to go through for a win. The winners get a title shot at some point in the future. Sandow wants to know if there’s anyone lower in life than the Brooklyn hipster. They’re literally the unwashed masses. Cody makes fun of facial hair and we’re ready to go. Thankfully we don’t have tags and Rey sends Cody to the floor very quickly. Sandow is sent out as well and there are stereo dives by the masked men.

Rey and Cara pull out a table and ram both Scholars with it. Rhodes has to save Sandow from being slammed through the table and Rey is sent out to the floor. Mysterio saves Cara from going through the table, allowing Sin to hit the armdrag out of the corner on Rhodes. There’s the Disaster Kick to Cara though and everyone in a mask is down. The Scholars slam Cara into the steps and Rey goes into the barricade. The Mustache gets another chant as the Scholars set up a pair of tables.

After walking around forever, Rey trips up Sandow and hits the seated senton. Cody’s powerbomb is countered into a rana to send him to the floor. Cara takes out Sandow with a springboard cross body and a rana that slips a bit. A corkscrew plancha to the floor takes Damien out again and Rey hits the 619 on Cody. Sandow breaks up the top rope splash through the table though as Cole lists off some Tweets. Cara kicks Sandow in the head and kicks Cody to the apron. After firing off about eight kicks to the head from the apron, Cody knocks Cara off the top rope and through a table for the win at 9:36.

Rating: D+. Not the best opener in the world here as they spent a lot of time walking around looking for a spot to do. The Scholars were the obvious winners here and there’s nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t make for the most entertaining match in the world. It was probably a good idea to get this out of the way though.

We get another Joker Shield promo, saying about what you would expect them to say: they’re going to take out Ryback and HELL NO one by one tonight and that’s about it. The main reason they want to beat those three up though: they just don’t like them. How simple yet effective.

US Title: Antonio Cesaro vs. R-Truth

Cesaro is defending in what should be a layup for him. We start with a clean break in the corner and Truth does his pelvic thrusting. Cesaro throws Truth around before getting rolled up for a few two counts. Antonio works on the ribs as the fans chant for the USA. Off to a modified cobra clutch by the champion which goes on for a good while.

Truth fights up and hits the spinning forearm followed by the ax kick for two. A side kick puts Cesaro down for two more and the fans start a Little Jimmy chant. Cesaro escapes the suplex into a stunner before hitting the European uppercut to the back of the head. Neutralizer (BIG pop for that) retains the title at 6:44.

Rating: C. This was better than I was expecting, which isn’t saying much as I was expecting a basic TV level match. Truth is just filling in a spot here and there’s nothing wrong with that, but we’re just waiting for a big time AMERICAN to come in and save the title for the country. Decent enough match here though.

Post match Cesaro says that when the fans boo him, they’re booing themselves.

Some people from Tribute to the Troops don’t have much to say.

Ziggler says Cena is going to try to steal the case from him tonight. Cena already lost his own case earlier this year, so why should Ziggler have to earn it a second time? Ziggler says Cena’s career should be over if John loses tonight.

Here’s 3MB on MizTV to waste some time. Apparently they’re going to finally perform tomorrow night on Raw. Mahal makes fun of the Spanish announce team, telling them to speak AMERICAN. The bullying goes on until Ricardo Rodriguez of all people makes the save. 3MB beats on him too until Del Rio makes the save. Is that a face turn? Miz and Del Rio wind up cleaning house. A six man is proposed to fill in some time later. The fans want Ryder to be Miz and Del Rio’s partner.

Rock will indeed be at the Rumble.

HELL NO fires themselves up and talk about how hard it is to talk to Ryback. Tonight, they’ll feed all of the Shield to him.

Wade Barrett says he’s going to take out Kofi tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Wade Barrett vs. Kofi Kingston

Kofi is defending. Barrett takes it into the corner to start and pounds away for two. There’s the bouncing elbow by Kofi for two but Wade clotheslines him out to the floor. Kofi slides back in and hits a suicide dive to take Wade right back out. Back in and momentum shifts again, this time with Barrett kicking Kofi in the ribs.

A backbreaker gets two for Wade and it’s off to a bow and arrow with a knee in Kofi’s back. That doesn’t last long so Wade settles for two off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Back to the chinlock for a bit, followed by Kofi fighting up and hitting another clothesline to take Wade down. There’s the Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise misses. The Boss Man Slam is countered into the SOS for two for Kofi.

A spinning full nelson slam gets the same for Barrett but Wade is getting frustrated. I love Wade moveset as he constantly mixes in new things. Kofi’s top rope cross body is rolled through for two, followed by a Boss Man Slam for the same result. In another sudden ending tonight, the Bull Hammer is countered into Trouble in Paradise to retain at 8:19.

Rating: C+. Nice back and forth match here with a surprising ending. This could have been on Smackdown but it wasn’t out of place on PPV. Kofi winning is the surprise though as he would seem to be set up to be fed to Barrett. Odds are there will be a rematch though, because clearly a clean win isn’t enough to warrant the end of a program right?

Punk and Heyman are in a sky box and Punk says the status of his knee is none of their business. Punk talks about how he would have destroyed Ryback tonight and how he’ll be champion for as long as he likes. Oh and he’s not associated with the Shield.

Ryback/HELL NO vs. The Shield

It’s a TLC match but you can win by pin/submission because there’s nothing to hang above the ring. Shield comes through the crowd of course. The brawl starts on the floor of course with Bryan vs. Rollins, Kane vs. Reigns and Ambrose vs. Ryback. Ryback and Ambrose get in the ring and the smart aleck fans just have to chant Goldberg. Shield gets Ryback 3-1 but he shrugs them off. Kane tries to bring in a ladder but Rollins dropkicks it into the monster’s ribs.

Bryan takes a ladder to the face as well but here’s Ryback to beat them all up. Reigns takes Kane down with a chair but Kane makes the save. I think Ryback is busted a bit. Bryan kicks Reigns in the corner and the fans are WAY into Danny boy. Reigns is thrown into a ladder which gets two for Kane. Bryan saves Ryback and the fans want tables. Rollins jumps into a Kane uppercut for two before getting put inside a ladder. Kane beats on the ladder with a chair for a bit but Ambrose takes Kane out with a DDT onto the chair.

Ryback rams Rollins and Ambrose into the corner and there’s another Goldberg chant. The fans still want tables. Ryback blocks a beal into the ladder in the corner and pounds Ambrose and Rollins down again. A splash crushes both of them against the ladder, followed by a suplex from Ryback to put both of them on the ladder. Reigns breaks up the double Shell Shock and it’s another three on one beating. Where did HELL NO go?

Shield loads up the triple powerbomb….and it actually works. Seriously, no save from the champions until a few seconds later. Bryan goes off on everyone but gets caught in the numbers game. Kane finally comes back but gets beaten down as well. Back into the ring and it’s time for the chairs portion of the match. Bryan gets beaten down before being double superplexed off a table on the top. Kane barely makes a save but he gets beaten down by the chair as well.

Ambrose and Rollins try the double superplex on Kane as well but he shoves Rollins to the floor and clotheslines Ambrose down. The side slam puts Reigns down but Dean makes the save. Instead of I think a DDT on Kane though, it’s a chokeslam for Dean through the chair for two. Back to the floor and Reigns spears Kane through the barricade to a BIG reaction. Kane gets buried under a bunch of stuff, but in the chaos, Bryan grabs the NO Lock on Ambrose. He eventually gets it on all three guys but the numbers catch up to him.

Bryan fights back AGAIN with a bunch of kicks but eventually he falls prey to the Blackout (running curb stomp) onto the EDGE OF THE CHAIR from Rollins. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Ryback is up though and house is cleaned. Rollins is thrown onto Ambrose and it’s chair time for Reigns. Ambrose comes back AGAIN but gets speared down. There’s a Meat Hook for Dean followed by Shell Shock for two as Rollins saves. Ryback goes to the floor but gets caught by some chair shots. Ryback charges at Reigns to tackle into whatever is in his path in a cool visual.

The Shield and Ryback are all up by the entrance and Ambrose chairs him in the back to take him down again. They shove a ladder onto Ryback and destroy him with some chair shots and put him on a table. There’s a HUGE, as in bigger than the usual HUGE ladders, and Rollins climbs up. Ryback fights up though and Rollins is in trouble. Ryback throws Seth through a big stack of tables, but Ambrose and Reigns are double teaming Bryan in the ring. Reigns superbombs Bryan through the table for the pin at 22:55.

Rating: A. AWESOME brawl here with a great story being told throughout. Ryback gets two do the big spot to look strong and the Shield’s pack mentality worked very well too. Great match here and definitely better than I was expecting. Shield looked like they could more than hang in there, and that was the main thing they had to worry about. Great stuff.

Carnage is removed for a bit. Rollins took a NASTY bump into the table on that fall, slamming his head onto the edge.

Divas Title: Naomi vs. Eve Torres

Naomi does her flashy stuff to start and Eve hides on the floor. The reaction to taking the champ out? DANCE TIME! Naomi fakes her out a lot, botches a jump to the top, and misses a spinning cross body. Eve’s neckbreaker ends this at 3:08.

Rating: D. Eve is hot and Naomi can shake her hips so I can’t call this a failure. The division is such a joke anymore and AJ isn’t going to fix anything immediately. They need to get this Kaitlyn title reign over already though because it’s already past the point where it should have happened. Nothing to see but Eve’s legs here as usual.

Eve does her posing thing post match which is pretty awesome.

Big Show says Sheamus has no chance to get the title back tonight.

We recap Sheamus vs. Show. Show won the title at TLC and retained it at Survivor Series, but after the second match, Sheamus hit Show 31 times with a chair. The chairs match stipulation tonight was obvious.

Smackdown World Title: Sheamus vs. Big Show

Note that with the Raw Champion off the show, this was never once mentioned as a possible replacement main event. This is a chairs match, which means chair shots are legal. Sheamus pounds him down to start and goes for the knee. The first chair is brought in but Sheamus is knocked to the floor. Show superkicks the chair into Sheamus’ face and there’s the LOUD chop. Sheamus comes back with the shoulder off the apron and we head inside again.

Show pounds him down again but Sheamus slams him down for two. Why is it a surprise that he kicked out of that? It’s just a slam. A top rope chair shot puts Show down but a second attempt is countered with a spear out of the air to take him down. Back in and Sheamus pounds away but charges into a chokeslam for two. Show goes under the ring and pulls out a bunch of chairs.

A Vader Bomb onto a chair onto Sheamus gets two so Show loads up two chairs in the middle of the ring. Sheamus fights back and hits White Noise onto both chairs but it only gets two. Sheamus gets all fired up but the Brogue Kick hits the rope instead. The WMD lays Sheamus out but it only gets two. In a pretty dumb ending, Show pulls out a GIANT chair and clocks Sheamus in the head with it to retain at 14:40.

Rating: B-. Good match here but it was several steps below what they’ve done before. I really didn’t know who was winning here and with Show winning, I doubt we’re going to have a cash in tonight, which is probably the right call. Decent but not great match here, which surprisingly enough is a downgrade for this feud. Hopefully this is the end for these two here.

AJ comes up to Cena in a cutoff Cena shirt. Good look on her. Basically he says she can thank him after he wins.

3MB vs. Alberto Del Rio/The Miz/Brooklyn Brawler

You know what? Why not? He’s in a Brooklyn Nets jersey as apparently he’s abandoned the Yankees (Bronx, not Brooklyn) shirt. Ignore those RYDER chants of course. Del Rio and Slater start things off with Alberto in control. Off to Brawler who beats up Mahal a bit before getting punched down by Heath. Brawler avoids a middle rope knee drop as we hear about 3MB having their tattoos messed up. Not hot tag brings in Miz who gets two on Jinder off a DDT. Del Rio drives Drew into the remnants of the announce table. The Finale takes down Mahal and the Brawler gets the win off a Boston Crab at 3:37.

Rating: D. It should have been Ryder. Seriously, what else do you want me to say here?

We recap Ziggler vs. Cena, which is more about AJ and Vickie than anything else. Eventually Dolph and Cena got dragged into it and Ziggy’s MITB case was put up for grabs in a ladder match.

Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena

Ladder match for the case here. Cena runs him over with a shoulder to start and they stare at each other for a bit. The fans are almost universally behind Dolph here. Cena takes him down with a headlock, probably for the first time in the history of ladder matches. He works on Dolph’s arm and hits a fisherman’s suplex. There’s a monkey flip out of the corner and Ziggler is sent to the floor.

Ziggler gets a chair to take Cena down and wedges it between the top and middle rope. We get the first ladder brought in but Cena rams it into Dolph’s face. Cena might be cut over the eye. The dueling Cena chants begin as he crushes Ziggler’s head with the steps. It’s table time but Dolph knocks Cena down and goes for a climb. They slug it out and it’s boo/yay time. Dolph hooks the sleeper and Cena turns red, but he climbs the ladder anyway with Ziggler on his back.

This of course goes badly and they crash backwards through a table in the ring. In a very cool spot, Ziggler goes up the ladder, so Cena PICKS UP THE LADDER FOR THE AA. Ziggler escapes what would have likely resulted in death and hits the Fameasser to put both guys down. Cena puts on a quick STF but Ziggler escapes the AA and hits the Zig Zag. Ziggler seems to be a big ginger on his leg as he gets another table.

The table is placed in the corner but Cena hits four of the five moves of doom. Dolph counters the AA and hits the jumping DDT to put Cena down again. Ziggler goes for the big ladder but Cena stops him at the top. They slug it out up there with Cena shoving Ziggler off. There’s no one to stop Cena….except himself as Cena does the stupid VERY slow climb, allowing Ziggler to take him down. Ziggler rams the bad eye into the ladder but Cena BUSTS OUT A FREAKING HURRICANRANA to send Ziggy through the table in the corner.

John pounds Ziggler into the corner and puts him on the top rope. Ziggler shoves him away and tries a top rope cross body, but Cena rolls through into the AA. That gets countered too and a chair shot puts Cena down. Ziggler misses a kick and there’s an AA. There’s nothing in the ring at the moment though so here’s Vickie with a chair. Cue AJ to take Guerrero down with the Five Moves of Doom. Well close enough I guess. Cena climbs the ladder and AJ shoves it down, turning heel. Ziggler has no idea what’s going on but AJ goes all happy psycho again. Ziggler retains the case at 23:38.

Rating: B+. I’d like this a lot more if it wasn’t about AJ. At the end of the day, I get that she’s nuts but she’s gotten WAY too much focus and it means this story must continue. I get what they’re going for here, but man alive they’ve run this story into the ground for so long that I don’t care anymore. The match was very good though as the ladders were props in the match, which is what makes the best ladder matches.

Ziggler celebrates a ton to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. Once we got by the obvious matches to open the show, this turned into the usual excellent show that TLC is. It’s not so much about the quality of it, but it’s FUN, which is a good idea to end the year with. Things get serious now as the Road to Wrestlemania begins. Very fun show here with a serious match of the year candidate included. Check this one out.

Results

Rhodes Scholars b. Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara – Rhodes shoved Cara through a table

Antonio Cesaro b. R-Truth – Neutralizer

Kofi Kingston b. Wade Barrett – Trouble in Paradise

The Shield b. Ryback/HELL NO – Superbomb to Bryan

Eve Torres b. Naomi – Spinning Neckbreaker

Big Show b. Sheamus – Chair to the back

Albeto Del Rio/The Miz/Brooklyn Brawler b. 3MB – Boston Crab to Mahal

Dolph Ziggler b. John Cena – Ziggler pulled down the case

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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It’s awards time again.  I’ve got 18 awards to hand out this year and as is my custom, I’ll be doing one of these a day until the end of the year, which just so happens to be the day the Royal Rumble Count-Up stars.  Up first: Worst Angle of the Year.I know it’s easy, but I’m going with Big Show’s firing/crying/threats of lawsuits.  This story went on for months, never gave us any real conclusion (Big Show got cheated out of the title match and just started teaming with Mysterio like nothing happened) and wost of all, it involved LAWYERS.

This is rapidly becoming one of the most annoying things in wrestling.  It’s in WWE, TNA and was in ROH during the few weeks I watched their TV show.  WWE has become obsessed with this idea and even had a recurring lawyer character in David Otunga (which is understandable as he actually is a lawyer).  Think about it though: Christian used to threaten lawsuits for one more match, Del Rio threatened legal action against Sheamus, everyone threatens lawsuits against everyone at times and dear goodness it gets old fast.  Stop having wrestlers hide behind lawyers and have them FIGHT.

We’re getting closer to the Road to Wrestlemania, which means I need to start packing for the biggest show of the year.  The major story for the show is the world title unification which has been thrown together in less than three weeks for reasons that aren’t quite clear.  Let’s get to it.We’ll start with the pre-show as always.  In case you missed the throwaway line on Raw, the match is Ziggler vs. Fandango in a match of who has fallen further since the summer.  I’ll take Ziggler to win in a match that will likely make people cancel their PPV orders instead of buying the show.

As for matches people might actually care about, I’m going with Orton to get both titles.  The seeds for a Cena heel turn are so obvious that they feel like they’re fakes and the Authority will screw him over.  These two in a TLC match should be a great brawl but everyone is waiting for the big story stuff at the end of the match.  Orton wins in an entertaining match.

I’ll take Bryan over the Wyatts due to Bray sitting at ringside and Bryan somehow hitting the knee on Rowan for a fast pin.  The key to the Wyatts has always been in their talking so even losing here isn’t the worst result in the world.  Bray will probably sit on the floor for most of the match anyway.

Shield over Punk as CM fights off Ambrose and Rollins but gets speared down for the pin.  Ambrose of course takes the credit, furthering the split.

Langston keeps the Intercontinental Title in the obvious result of the night.

Natalya has to win the title eventually right?  AJ has held the thing for months now and since it’s WWE, having a challenger lose most of the early title shots to win in the end is the norm, even though they look worthless leading up to the match.  Total Divas has wrapped up too, so I have no idea why they’d change the title now, making it all the more likely.

In the bonus match I’ll take Mysterio and Big Show to win the tag titles.  Why?  Because the tag division is getting really good so the solution is to put the belts on a thrown together team with I believe one match together at all.

If Miz vs. Kofi is added as it should be, I’ll take Miz with another freaking rollup.

Overall TLC is a one match show but it’s one heck of a match.  The idea of unifying the titles is something that needed to happen a long time ago and thankfully will get rid of a lot of the annoying problems WWE has, such as four people having 50 title reigns between the two of them in less than twelve years.  It’s far more about the big story to end the show and get us rolling down the road to Wrestlemania, The show should be entertaining enough, though adding in a ladder, chairs or tables match might have helped a bit.  Still though, it should be fun.

Thoughts/predictions?

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Smackdown
Date: December 13, 2013
Location: Rose Garden Arena, Portland, Oregon
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the final show before TLC, meaning this is the last night with two world champions. It’s hard to say what we’ll get tonight but given that this is the blue show, I’ll take a guess and say it ends in a big tag match. Other than that, maybe we’ll get a tables, ladder or chairs match added to the Tables, Ladders and Chairs show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of the ending segment from Raw with Cena calling out Orton for living on his reputation and the huge brawl which seems to plant seeds for Wrestlemania. I still don’t think Shawn is getting back in the ring though.

The belts are hanging above the ring and there are probably fifteen ladders and tables set up around the ring.

Daniel Bryan vs. Erick Rowan

Bryan has one of the Slammys he won on Monday with him. Rowan shoves Daniel down to start but Daniel comes back with a running forearm to stagger Erick. The kicks get him nowhere though as Rowan easily shoves him down. Rowan gets in a forearm of his own to Daniel’s back and puts on a bearhug followed by a fallaway slam.

A splash in the corner gets two on Daniel as Harper looks…..confused I guess you would call it. Bryan gets a boot up in the corner and a middle rope dropkick to drop Erick. Now the kicks work a bit better with the big one to the head dropping Rowan. The FLYING GOAT takes out Harper and Rowan is sent outside as well, only to have Bray trip up Bryan for the DQ at 3:06.

Rating: D+. This was just a quick trailer for the match on Sunday to illustrate what Bryan is going to have to go through. I actually like it better that way as we’ve seen Bryan vs. Rowan in a long match recently so there’s little need to see the same thing again. Also it keeps Rowan looking strong instead of having him lose a second match, meaning there’s some actual thought to the booking for a change.

Bryan has to fight off the monsters post match and manages to get out of the ring for a bad looking running knee to take Bray out.

Real Americans vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust

Non-title. Before the match Colter rants about Santa Claus telling him Feliz Navidad. That sounds like an illegal immigrant to him and that means we need to strengthen our border with the North Pole. Goldust runs Cesaro down to start and it’s quickly off to Cody as the champions start in on Antonio’s arm. Swagger comes in with some right hands to Cody’s jaw and the Americans start some quick tagging of their own. The Vader Bomb misses as a moderate We The People chant starts up.

Goldust comes in with the uppercut and a spinebuster to Swagger but a blind tag brings in Cesaro to knock Goldust out to the floor. We take a break and come back with Swagger holding Goldust in a front facelock. The Americans take their turns on Goldust with Swagger putting on a chinlock. Goldust fights up and comes off the second rope for a collision with Swagger.

The double tag brings in Cody for the sunset flip out of the corner and the Alabama Slam for two each on Antonio. Goldust has to break up the Swing and Cody gets two more off the Disaster Kick. Both Americans are sent to the floor and Cody hits a great looking dive to take Cesaro out. Back in and Cody loads up the moonsault press but gets distracted by Swagger, allowing Cesaro to pull him into the European uppercut for the pin at 6:17 shown of 9:47.

Rating: C-. It’s been at least a few weeks since we last had the champions lose a few matches to set up a title shot so it was long overdue. The Americans getting wins is fine, but there must be some teams they could beat other than the champions. If nothing else, take some of those guys that have nothing else to do and make quick teams out of them. It’s worked many times before.

Video package on what the history of the titles means for the unification match. This transitions into a nice package shows Cena and Orton’s career paths.

Bad News Barrett calls us losers for voting on the Slammy winners.

Damien Sandow vs. Mark Henry

Langston is on commentary again. Henry throws Sandow around to start and shrugs off a boot in the corner. Sandow is sent to the floor and takes the countout to save himself for Sunday at 1:17.

Langston throws Sandow back inside for the beating he deserves.

AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka vs. Bella Twins

Natalya is on commentary. Nikki is shoved to the mat by Tamina to start but uses the power of yelling to come back. A snap suplex and a Samoan drop put Nikki down as Natalya talks about Total Divas. Off to AJ who skips around a lot but misses a charge into the corner, allowing for the hot tag to Brie. The girl named after cheese cleans a little bit of the house but is quickly caught in the Black Widow for the submission at 2:36.

Here’s Cena for the PPV hard sell. Cena talks about how Monday was the first time that the two world champions both handed the world title away. 99% of the superstars in WWE history will never hold one of those (true, though if you go by the WWE roster currently listed on Wikipedia, which to be fair includes Rock, Undertaker, Lesnar and other part timers as well as names like Ezekiel Jackson and Evan Bourne, it’s about 30% of all male wrestlers. Think about that for a minute and you’ll see why the titles should be unified) but they gave the titles away. Why would they do that?

It’s because of the moment on Sunday when the unification will change everything. Cena knows what Orton is capable of, but he also knows something Orton wishes he doesn’t know: Orton has a glass jaw. Think about it: whenever Orton gets hurt, he runs away. This Sunday there’s nowhere to run though and Orton is going to have to suffer through the pain from falling off a ladder or going through a table. Cena doesn’t know what Orton is going to do but he’s going to get back up every time. The question is does Orton run again or does he get back up? This Sunday there’s one champion and his name is John Cena.

We look back at Punk beating Ambrose on Raw but getting speared down after the match.

Shield vs. Usos

Ambrose is on commentary here to continue a theme tonight. Jimmy leapfrogs Rollins to start and punches him in the face before tagging Jey. The twins hit a higher flying version of the Demolition Decapitator for two before Jimmy puts on a standing armbar. Rollins pushes him into the corner for the tag off to Reigns and Shield takes over. Jimmy tries to speed things up by hitting the ropes, allowing Jey to make a blind tag. Some Uso double teaming knocks Rollins out to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Jimmy fighting out of a Seth front facelock and getting two off a backslide. Reigns comes back in and shoves Jimmy into the corner for a chinlock. Jimmy escapes with a jawbreaker but Roman runs him over with a clothesline. Shield tries some double teaming but Rollins gets low bridged to the floor. Jimmy DDTs Reigns down and dives over for the tag to Jey. Rollins comes back in to speed things up with the throw in the air Samoan drop for a VERY close two.

The superkick sets up the Superfly Splash but Seth rolls to the floor. That’s cool with Jey who takes him out with a cross body, putting all four guys outside. Reigns comes out of nowhere with a spear to Jimmy and Jey is sent into the post. Jey barely beats the count but gets caught by the Black Out (running curb stomp). Rollins loads up a GTS but puts Jey on his feet instead of hitting him with the knee, only to set up another spear for the pin at 8:55 shown of 11:10.

Rating: C+. The tag matches continue to be good in WWE as they’re given the time to develop. I still hope the Usos get the titles eventually as they’ve spent years on the roster and consistently put on entertaining matches. At the same time, Shield, is able to have good matches no matter what combination we get from them.

After the match Punk appears on screen from the basement ala Shield’s promos. Punk didn’t like it when Shield put their hands on him and he’s going to do something about it on Sunday. He knows he’s going down, but the question is how many of them are going with him.

Ryback vs. Big Show

Axel and Mysterio are the seconds here. Before the match we get the announcement of a four way tag title match on Sunday: Rhodes/Goldust vs. Ryback/Axel vs. Real Americans vs. Big Show/Rey Mysterio. Big Show chops Ryback down to start and hits the loud chop in the corner. A headbutt staggers Ryback and there’s another loud chop. Ryback comes back with a nice spinebuster for two but the Meat Hook is caught in a chokeslam to give Big Show the pin at 1:44.

Axel takes a 619 post match.

We look at Bryan attacking Bray earlier.

The Wyatts come on screen and Bray says he was trying to prove Daniel wrong. Bray yells that he (Bray) was a blind fool though and starts singing about walking with the reaper and leaving this world behind. That’s his special lullaby song that he sings to all of his babies before he puts them down. See you Sunday Bryan.

Kofi Kingston vs. Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio gets the jobber entrance. No match again this week as Miz jumps Kofi and gives him a Skull Crushing Finale on the floor. I’d assume we have a TLC match set as a result.

In the weekly sitdown interview, HHH says he might listen to an apology from Orton for him running into Stephanie on Monday.

Here’s Orton for the apology to end the show. He talks about the end of Monday’s show and seeing Stephanie laid out on the mat. Orton can’t get the image out of his head and wants to apologize to the Authority in person. This brings out HHH as Orton says it was clearly an accident. He says it’s clearly an accident if you look at the footage so here’s the ending sequence again.

There’s more footage from a different angle in slow motion but we have to wait for the YES chant to die down first. Orton talks over the Daniel Bryan chant and talks about how their relationship is important and he wants HHH and Stephanie to accept his apology. HHH says he’s seen the footage over and over because they’re his cameras in the first place. There are a lot of people that need to apologize but he isn’t one of them. They both know he could fire Orton for this but that wouldn’t be best for business. For this one time, Orton’s apology is accepted.

Orton is grateful, but there’s one more thing he needs to ask about. We look at the footage of Cena helping Stephanie to her feet and standing next to the Authority and Orton would like an explanation. Randy talks about proving himself on Sunday but wants to know if the Authority has the same amount of faith in him that he has in himself. HHH says don’t worry about it because they know exactly where their faith lies. Orton is confused to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was designed to set up the main matches for Sunday but we didn’t really get anything new here. Bryan got in a shot at Bray and that’s really about all that has changed. Cena still seems to be the Authority’s guy (though I don’t buy it at all) and Punk is still promising to take the Shield down with him. Other than adding the four way tag match, there really isn’t anything new for Sunday. The wrestling here was just ok but the point was setting up the PPV. Everything was covered, but other than the main event there isn’t much of interest to see, which cuts tonight’s show down.

Results

Daniel Bryan b. Erick Rowan via DQ when Bray Wyatt interfered

Real Americans b. Goldust/Cody Rhodes – European uppercut to Rhodes

AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka b. Bella Twins – Black Widow to Brie

Shield b. Usos – Spear to Jey

Big Show b. Ryback – Chokeslam

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Vengeance 2001
Date: December 9, 2001
Location: San Diego Sports Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 11,800
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The first one here is kind of huge as we unify the WWF and WCW World Titles. I’ve spent months if not years trying to figure out why this is at Vengeance and not like a month later at the Rumble. The idea is that HHH was supposed to be the first Undisputed Champion but wasn’t ready yet. But he was back at the Rumble so why didn’t they just do it there? Or at Mania for that matter?

Either way, it’s more or less a small tournament with Austin vs. Angle for the WWF Title and Rock vs. Jericho for the WCW Title, then the winners fight. Austin and Rock are Austin and Rock, Angle kept beating Austin and Jericho was the best in the world at the time. Other than that, there’s nothing of note on the card. Let’s get to it.

We open with this weird old silent movie that allegedly was made by Freddie Blassie about having only one champion. It’s freaky to put it mildly. Seriously, this is disturbing. Sinner is a good song once we get to the arena at least.

And here’s Vince. Apparently on Thursday, Vince got his head shoved into Rikishi’s thong. Good to know. We’re in the full fledged WHAT stage at the moment too so that’s getting old quickly. Vince is upset that the fans laughed at it like it was some kind of comedy skit. A man that walks with his chest out like a girl trying to make sure you notice her had his head shoved into the back of a thong-wearing street dancing sumo wrestler and Vince is mad that it’s being treated like a comedy skit.

The whole idea of Vince at times is one of the funniest things in the world. He says “he who laughs last laughs best”. And here’s Flair who owns half of the company at the moment. Why do I feel like I’m watching Impact? Flair looks like an idiot. Yeah it’s Impact. We’re pushing ten minutes into the show and the youngest guy so far has been Vince McMahon. Flair starts a match.

Albert/Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Christian/Test

GO BACK TO THE OLD GUYS! Albert is the Hip Hop Hippo at the moment. Egads. They aren’t the Unamericans yet. And the Heat match was the APA vs. Billy and Chuck. Why can’t we see that instead? You know these reviews aren’t really as angry as they used to be. Granted that could be because these shows are far less insulting to my intelligence. They may be weaker shows but they’re competent at least which is more than a lot of shows give you.

Christian is European Champion at the time. Albert is the Hip Hop Hippo at this point. Take me now. And remember people: this guy was INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION. He was one of those guys that always seemed like was on the verge of a big push but it never happened. Lawler makes some bad jokes about potential names for the faces. He’s just making this more painful if that’s somehow possible. Wow it’s weird seeing Teddy Long as a worthless referee.

Far more used to him being a useless GM. Scotty and Test work the majority of this match for reasons that completely elude me. Oh look it’s Albert vs. Christian rather than Test vs. Albert, as in you know, FORMER TAG PARTNERS FIGHTING. I guess that would make too much sense. We get a Giant Swing and a Don Leo Jonathan reference. Wow indeed. Albert just massacres both heels.

With some tweeking to his gimmick, he could have been passable. And now Christian does the Worm. We get a surprisingly decent sequence as Scotty is down. And of course we get the Worm. These kinds of moves are just stupid. A simple bulldog keeps Test down for about 20 seconds which it takes for the setup for it? See why that’s idiotic? Baldo Bomb, a two handed chokeslam into a powerbomb, ends it. It actually got a pop.

Rating: D. Just…why? What in the world was the point of having this match on PPV? This was something that belonged on Velocity or Heat or something like that. It was as generic as you could ask a match to be also. This was just a head scratcher and not that good.

Regal cuts a decent promo on Edge. Now bad at all.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. William Regal

So Edge at this time is getting a massive push as he goes from a tag team star to more or less the top of the midcard in less than six months. Think of him like what the Miz has been doing for the last year or so, but even faster. He was as popular as ever and allegedly was going to win the Raw World Title at the next Survivor Series in the debut of the Elimination Chamber but Shawn and HHH decided Shawn should more or less come in off the streets and beat HHH, Jericho, Booker T, RVD and Kane instead.

Edge has been laughing at Regal for a long time to set this up. Great heat on Regal. More or less the British guy is just doing very bad things to Edge with all kinds of ridiculous strikes and basic stuff. Edge busts out a hurricanrana of all things. Before he hurt his neck, he was a completely different worker. Check out his 2002 stuff and you’ll be very impressed. Edge goes for a spear on the floor and hits the steps, allowing Regal to get some brass knuckles.

That was his big thing at the time and it was a very solid heel tactic to use. He throws out back to back Tiger Drivers in a surprising sequence. Not sure why it’s surprising but that’s the first thing that came to mind. Regal goes for the brass knuckles but takes a spear for Edge to get a quick pin. Regal made that match for the most part.

Rating: D+. This just missed for me. It’s not terrible or anything, but at the same time it just felt like there wasn’t much here. Regal more or less dominated but took a quick spear to get pinned. Not sure how much I like that at all. Still though, the crowd was really into this which helped it a lot. Again, not terrible but not very good at all.

Flair is on the phone and Angle comes in. He’s a 14 time champion here so somewhere he picked up two more. I guess they gave him two more NWA reigns somewhere.

Lita, the guest referee for the next match, is stretching. Matt comes in and says he’s sorry for dragging Lita into this. Lita with straight hair is freaking delicious looking. She’s going to call it right down the middle.

We recap the Hardys’ rise to this point. Cool memories if nothing else. They’re fighting because Jeff has been costing them a bunch of stuff lately, namely because he keeps trying high spots rather than winning matches.

Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy

Lita is guest referee here of course. Dang she looked great back then. Jeff has that stupid hat on like he used to wear back then for no explained reason. The fans like Lita more than anyone else. I can’t blame them as this was just a few steps ahead of Cryme Tyme exploding. This works SO much better as face vs. face rather than face vs. heel like they were trying to do last year at Mania.

The psychology is here too as you have two guys that know each other very well and keep countering each others’ signature stuff. The main thing here though is Lita as she’s dating Matt but is being fair. It’s a nice aspect to it that adds tension and fits the storyline perfectly. Jeff gets a nice counter to avoid being powerbombed onto the floor. Sloppy, but it was intelligent at least. Jeff hurts his leg getting back in and Matt goes for it. This is very basic but it’s coming off quite well.

Matt is clearly the heel in this as he won’t let go of a half crab when Jeff is in the ropes, I guess assuming Lita would never DQ him. Crowd likes Jeff more. I’m stunned too. Jeff blocks a Twist of Fate with that leg drop he would do at times. The killer instinct isn’t here again just like last time though. They keep countering the Twist of Fate which makes sense. Maybe it could have something to do with standing there in that position and the other guy shouting before doing it.

That would give me a hint as to what was coming if nothing else. Matt is kind of hinting at full heel here and it’s working fairly well. He’s about 40lbs lighter here also. Twist of Fate off the second rope is blocked and Jeff gets the Swanton for the clean pin. This was just missing something and I think it was the full hatred. That and this wasn’t a huge match yet, although it was getting close.

Rating: B-. Not terrible and WAY better than the Mania 25 match. This was far more ground based and it came off pretty well. It’s no classic by any means, but it’s certainly a passable match. Matt flirting with going heel worked. And then they were all fine and good at the Rumble so none of that mattered.

Rock and Trish have a weird moment. How hot would their kids be? She kisses him on the cheek. Rock more or less says after tonight, come see him again and he’ll screw her. Ok then.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Big Show/Kane

Stacy is managing the Dudleys here and I’ve always thought this was her hottest period, which is saying a whole lot. The Dudleys weren’t useless yet at this point. Since it’s 2001, Show destroys both of the champions. Kane takes them both out with a double top rope clothesline. Show spanks Stacy. Ok then. A red thong shot on Stacy is never bad though. Yeah I don’t care about this match in the slightest. Kane destroys both of them.

Big Show destroys both of them. Some of you may be beginning to notice a pattern here. Kane accidentally hits the top rope clothesline on Show. To my complete and utter shock, Show and Kane get into an argument. Oh and Show is wearing his sexy one piece swimsuit. I can’t stand that thing. I truly can’t.

Is that supposed to look good? Is he supposed to be intimidating? Show goes after Stacy…again. D-von tries for the save and SLAMS INTO STACY. Yeah thanks for helping there bubbles. The champions take a turnbuckle pad off and slam Show into it with a double flapjack, naturally called 3D by JR.

Rating: F+. This just was not interesting at all. Show vs. Kane has been DONE. And I mean done a LOT. The ending was creative and Stacy was hot though. Even still though, this just didn’t work at all. The styles clash was so apparent here and it didn’t come off well at all.

Don’t try this at home. Feel free to though at your grandparents’ house.

Lita tries to apologize. It doesn’t work.

Sinner is the theme song. I saw that band last night.

So Taker was ticked off at Vince for not telling him that Angle was the mole in the Alliance. Because of that, he turned heel and started his RESPECT ME thing. He talked about all the people he beat up and that he kissed up to Vince more than anyone else. He saved JR from kissing Vince, and then beat him up and made him kiss it. Nicely done. Oh and he went after RVD. This was his heel turn for a long time.

Hardcore Title: Rob Van Dam vs. The Undertaker

Taker still gets face pops, but that likely has something to do with the Limp Bizkit song and the Harley. I say the song because it lowers intelligence so much that people forget what they were told on television. Oh and Taker got a massive haircut. Van Dam doesn’t have his signature theme yet at this point but it was coming soon. Like the next night or close to it soon. Taker is the America Tough Guy here and the style is remarkably different.

We hit the crowd here which at least makes sense due to the hardcore aspect. This is actually a pretty interesting match from a star power perspective, although it would be like 5 years before RVD was a main event guy. Never mind his solid in ring stuff (no it’s not as great as it’s made out to be) and the MASSIVE pops he got. He just wasn’t ready yet and wouldn’t be for years. Also he was out like a year with a bad knee so that wasn’t something anyone could control.

We get to the weapons and RVD saves himself with a fire extinguisher. Van Dam does a balcony dive and in an amusing visual, the stuff they land on shoots up a bunch of dust. It might have been Taker. They’re fighting behind the TitanTron now and you can see why WWF was so far ahead of ECW when it was still in business: there is a camera right there with a perfect shot of them. You can see every single thing that happens rather than seeing a random arm or leg. It’s very nice indeed.

Taker picks him up and rams him head first into the set which he goes partially through. Nice looking spot. Van Dam gets Rolling Thunder on the stage since a head injury that severe of course is something you can get up from very quickly. Van Dam does his running chair shot dropkick thing and it’s called a Van Daminator.

I would ask if JR ever watched ECW but I think I already know the answer to that. Taker wears him out with a chair and of course he’s fine. Van Daminator misses and RVD gets chokeslammed off the stage through some tables and is pinned. Taker as Hardcore Champion is an interesting idea.

Rating: B-. Not bad here but the majority of the rating comes from the oddness of seeing Taker in the midcard title hunt. Having a guy like RVD rub elbows with a guy like Taker is only a good thing for him at this point, although this was Taker trying out his new image and I’m not so sure how it was working. Fun match though and not your traditional hardcore stuff at all.

Jericho comes in and complains to Flair about….life in general I guess. Flair is half owner in case I forgot to mention that. Jericho’s big thing was he can’t win the big one, which is the case here. The Brand Split hadn’t happened yet either. I think that was the night after Mania or like 2 weeks after that.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline

To say Trish looks good in white is a dramatic understatement. I think this is her first title reign as they didn’t know she had talent until around this time. Seriously, who cares about Jackie? I can’t think of a soul that does. This isn’t interesting at all. Stratusfaction is blocked before it has a name. Trish wins with a backslide of all things in like 3 minutes.

Rating: N/A. Just boring as heck and not interesting at all. See what I mean by how boring this was? That was proper English to me. Trish wasn’t any good yet and it was apparent.

We recap Vince getting his head shoved into Rikishi’s thong. The look on his face is priceless. You have to give him this: there is very little Vince won’t do for his company. No one can take that away from him.

At WWF New York, Rikishi is there. He says he’s back. I guess we’ll forgive the whole vehicular manslaughter thing. There was no point to this whole thing apparently.

We recap Survivor Series where these were the final four and Jericho and Rock beat the Alliance. Vince says Austin is stripped and as the sole owner of the company, he’s naming Angle as world champion. Enter Flair, who says that’s not the case as Rock is still the (WCW) World Champion. That sets us up to hear. There’s a montage in there somewhere but you can figure that out.

WWF Title: Kurt Angle vs. Steve Austin

Austin comes in as champion. These two had a very good rivalry in August/September. Austin as champion just feels right. They start off slow. Seeing these two as face vs. face is kind of weird. We knew Angle was great at the time but Austin was a legend to put it mildly. Ok scratch that Angle as a face part I think. It’s actually hard to tell. Weird to say but it’s true. I’m pretty sure he had Kane at Mania. Actually yeah he is a heel. Yeah I’m pretty sure that’s right.

Austin runs from a mat wrestling thing so at least he’s thinking out there. This is a chess game to start us off which is very odd indeed. Austin works on the arm. See what I mean? When do you remember him doing something like that? I guess it would be difficult for him to do his normal stuff with just one good arm. Angle…shakes it off I guess and starts stomping Austin. Austin stays on the arm though which is the right thing to do. Now, is Angle smart enough to sell the stupid thing?

Ankle lock is on and the arm seems fine to me. Ah there are the ropes. Angle goes for the leg. At least that makes sense. Just like most main event guys, Angle had solid chemistry with Austin. I love watching Angle bust out suplexes, especially when he’s healthy. He freaking LAUNCHES people. Angle starts busting out Germans, which is a really awesome and simple move when you think about it: you pick up a guy and slam them on the back of their head.

That just sounds painful doesn’t it? The moonsault of course misses. Did he EVER hit that in WWF? It looked perfect if nothing else. Thesz Press hits, the crowd pops. Yeah he was still WAY over at this point. Austin shows his coolness and busts out Rolling Germans of his own.

He even goes further than Angle, hitting FIVE of them. Dang that would have freaking hurt. Angle hits another German. Oh wait he spun around about 9 degrees so it’s the Angle Slam. Got it. It gets two and there’s the Stunner to end it. Austin is in the main event.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here as always from these two. I don’t think anyone believed Austin would lose here. I mean while he’s past his prime at this point, he’s still a huge star. Still though, very solid match as these two brought out some good stuff in each other. Seeing Austin mix things up was always fun.

Trish is in a towel and getting ready, when Test comes in. More or less he hits on her and she doesn’t like it, but he can’t be fired. In other words, sexual harassment laws are trumped by battle royal victories. Sure why not? Vehicular manslaughter and necrophilia and assault and battery are never prosecuted here, so why not harassment?

World Championship: The Rock vs. Chris Jericho

Yeah the WCW Title is the World Championship, which actually sounds more encompassing than the WWF Title, but why use logic? This was a pretty solid feud back in the day, if nothing else for the promos. Jericho is heel here. Seeing Rock bust out armdrags and leapfrogs makes me appreciate him even more. Remember, he’s about the same size as Batista or so. Imagine a guy Batista’s size doing athletic things like that. I love that springboard dropkick that Jericho does. It’s just awesome looking.

This is more of a fight than the last match as the angle was more built up in this pairing. Jericho hits a sleeper like five minutes in which is odd. Jericho is no Dolph Ziggler though so it doesn’t work. Lionsault gets two as Jericho is FREAKING. We hit the floor and this has more or less been all Jericho. Like I said earlier, he was probably at the best he ever was in his career around this time and he’s getting to showcase it here. I love when guys break a count that isn’t happening.

How often do count outs consistently get threatened? Jericho gets DDTed through the table. Didn’t look as good as it sounded. The replay makes it look a bit better. It’s fun watching Rock throw punches. Jericho hooks a Breakdown, which is more commonly known as a Skull Crushing Finale. Jericho hits the People’s Elbow, and when I say hit I mean misses completely and almost gets hooked in the Sharpshooter.

Somehow he gets the Walls, but since he’s a heel at the time it doesn’t work at all. Actually he has a Sharpshooter on Rock. Same result though. Rock hits the Rock Bottom out of NOWHERE. That was sweet. And here’s Vince. At least it makes sense in storyline terms. Rock goes for the Elbow, but stops to fight Vince.

He drops a regular elbow and of course Jericho gets up because IT IS A REGULAR ELBOW DROP. Jericho gets a low blow and Rock Bottom to win the world title. Ok then. Hearing it called the world champion is odd to say the least.

Rating: B-. This was a different style than the previous match which is a nice touch I think as it was for a different title. I’d hardly think it was intentional, but it came off pretty well. Jericho was great in the ring, but I still want to see him wrestle as a face champion. It really could work.

Austin is here NOW for the title match. Jericho isn’t even back to his feet yet when Austin is stomping him.

Undisputed Title: Chris Jericho vs. Steve Austin

Nearly immediately, Angle is here and hits him with a chair. Rock is here and hits a Rock Bottom. I guess this makes us even? The fans chant for HHH, who was semi-advertised for the show. He was in a short video earlier and that’s about it. He’ll be back in about a month to the loudest pop I have ever heard. We hit the floor for a bit with Austin dominating. Ok make that a LONG bit. Jericho goes for the Walls on the remaining table but it doesn’t work of course.

Jericho hooks an armbar despite Austin LIMPING to the ring and having Angle working on the knee the whole match. The Walls go on and there goes the referee since this is still an Attitude-Era style. HHH chant again. Jericho hits a Stunner. Vince brings out another referee, Nick Patrick in this case. I’m SHOCKED! They’re OVERBOOKING A TITLE MATCH! Flair is here and the old guys go at it, foreshadowing their match at the Rumble. Austin hits McMahon to a BIG pop.

See, it still worked to an extent. Jericho taps to the Walls (you read that right) and there’s no referee. BOOKER T comes out and blasts Austin with a belt. And yes, THAT is how they end it, and I never realized this was Austin’s final match as a world champion. Yeah, Austin leaves the title picture other than a one off rematch at No Way Out like this, thanks to Booker T. WOW. Jericho holds up both belts with Ross freaking. Wow this came off bad at the end.

Rating: C-. This was overbooked to heck and back. Even once Flair came in, I was hating it. Booker costing Austin the title is fine to build a storyline, but at the same time, it just didn’t work for me. The match wasn’t terrible, but it’s a total letdown, which fits this show perfectly.

OverallRating: C-. The problem here is simple: the Undisputed Title, the first one EVER, was at a throwaway PPV like Vengeance. Seriously, this is in December and between Survivor Series and the Rumble. This is a filler PPV and they have the Undisputed Title decided here? The ending, while putting it on the right man in Jericho, was just BUTCHERED as it took like 4 people to beat Austin. Jericho needed to go over almost cleanly here and he didn’t do it.

Dang he didn’t even beat Rock clean. Other than the final three matches, nothing here matters at all. This just did not live up anywhere near to what it should have been and it’s not a good show as a result. Definitely worth seeing for the historical aspect though.

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Some of these are actually big deals.

Breakout Star of the Year: The Shield

“This is Awesome!” Moment of the Year: Big Show knocks out Triple H

Trending Now (Hashtag of the Year): #BelieveInTheShield

Beard of the Year: Daniel Bryan

The following Slammy Awards were given out on WWE.com today:

“What a Maneuver!” Award: Roman Reigns’ spear

Faction of the Year: The Shield

“You Still Got It!” Award: Goldust

Couple of the Year: Daniel Bryan & Brie Bella

Tag Team of the Year: Cody Rhodes & Goldust

Feat of Strength Award: Mark Henry pulls two trucks with his bare hands

“Say What!?” Quote of the Year: Dustry Rhodes “huckleberry” promo

Best Dance Moves: The Funkadactyls

Favorite Web Show: The JBL & Cole Show

Best Crowd of the Year: Raw after WrestleMania 29 (East Rutherford, NJ)

Catchphrase of the Year: “YES! YES! YES!”

Smackdown
Date: December 6, 2013
Location: BOK Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

We’re closing in on TLC and a lot more of the card has been set in stone. The main stories coming out of Raw are the two handicap matches for TLC with Punk taking on the Shield and Bryan facing the Wyatts. Tonight it’s Punk against a member of Shield to be announced tonight. Other than that we’re likely to get talking from Orton and/or Cena. Let’s get to it.

Theme song.

Here’s Orton to open the show. He talks about becoming the champion of champions at TLC (still sounds better than Unified Champion) and shows us a clip from the end of Raw where Cena put him through a table. Even though Orton has about five injuries as a result, he’ll still prove his greatness at TLC. He may not be the most likeable of characters but he’s never liked any of us or John Cena. Orton does however revere Stephanie and HHH because they know what’s best for business. Maybe he’s taken some things they’ve done for him for granted so Orton would like to apologize.

Before he can get all the way through though, here’s Daniel Bryan to point his fingers in the air a lot. Bryan says Orton needs to apologize for being a champion. In all of their title matches, Orton never once legitimately beat him. Just because Bryan has been targeted by the Wyatts, he hasn’t forgotten about Orton or what Orton did to him. Daniel says that after TLC, he’s going to be first in line for a title shot at the new champion. Tonight though he’s looking at the face of the WWE and feels like putting a knee on that face. Orton says no but Bryan appeals to the crowd for a YES chant. Randy just stands there.

Big E. Langston vs. Fandango

Non-title and Sandow is on commentary. Langston’s music seems to have been remixed. The champion throws Fandango around with ease and drives his shoulder into Fandango’s ribs. Fandango is sent to the floor but Langston takes too much time going after him and gets clotheslined down. Back in and Fandango puts on a front facelock but shoves Fandango off like he’s a cruiserweight. Some clotheslines set up the Warrior splash but Fandango comes back with a kick to the head and a knee to the jaw for two. Langston shrugs it off and hits the Big Ending for the pin at 2:35.

Post match Sandow gets in the ring to point at Langston’s belt. Dang they’re warming up for the Wrestlemania Point early this year.

We get the opening of Smackdown from WWE 2K14 via Youtube. Riveting stuff of course.

Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Non-title. This is fallout from Main Event where Goldust had Ryback beaten but Curtis came in for the DQ. Cody starts with Ryback as JBL tries some portmanteaus of Ryback and Axel’s names. Goldust quickly comes in and gets caught in a gorilla press for two. Ryback hits a middle rope splash and Axel drops a middle rope elbow for two as the announcers talk about Superstar of the Year. The former Heyman Guys take turns on Goldust until it’s off to Axel for a chinlock.

Back up and Axel misses a dropkick and walks into a powerslam to give Goldie a breather. The not hot tag brings in Cody with a missile dropkick and the sunset flip out of the corner for two. Cody’s moonsault press gets two and everything breaks down. Goldust knocks Ryback to the floor and Cody lays him out with a Disaster Kick off the announcers’ table. Rhodes heads back inside and is immediately rolled up by Axel for the pin at 4:24.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to go anywhere, but are we really jobbing one of the hottest acts in the company to Axel and Ryback? I was hoping this whole “champions lose to set up a title match” bit was taking a hiatus but apparently WWE was just luring me into a false sense of security.

Orton vs. Bryan is official for later.

Bad News Barrett tells us that we’re all sheep who will follow each other to the slaughter.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

Del Rio jumps Kingston on the floor before the bell and sends him into the barricade. Kofi gets put in the armbreaker for some screaming as referees try to pull Del Rio off. No match, but haven’t we seen Del Rio destroy Kofi after a loss before?

We recap Punk’s issues with Shield leading up to the handicap match at TLC.

Shield promises to hurt Punk tonight but they’re going to leave him healthy enough to make it to TLC. It’s going to be Ambrose facing Punk tonight.

Dean Ambrose vs. CM Punk

Non-title because the US Title is nothing but a trophy again. Rollins and Reigns stay in the crowd to keep it one on one. Punk has bad ribs coming into this. Cole: “Punk didn’t tape his ribs. Why put a target on his back?” Punk grabs a headlock to start but misses the high kick as Ambrose hangs onto the rope. Dean charges into a big boot of all things from Punk, setting up four straight legdrops for two for Punk.

Dean comes back with a knee to the ribs to take over and Cole completely ignores it to read more nominees. We hit the chinlock for a bit but Punk fights out and forearms Ambrose in the head. The GTS is countered with another shot to the ribs but Ambrose bails to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Dean stomping on the bad ribs like the smart heel that he is. Dean keeps taunting Punk as he peppers him with right hands before hooking a crossface chicken wing. Punk is down so Ambrose goes up, only to miss a top rope elbow drop. The springboard clothesline gets two for Punk and the running knee in the corner gets the same. Ambrose counters the swinging neckbreaker into a backslide which sets up a Fujiwara Armbar to stay on the arm.

Dean lets it go for some reason but counters another GTS attempt into a sleeper. Punk rolls through that into the Anaconda Vice but Dean quickly makes a rope. The Macho Elbow is broken up with a superplex for two and Dean goes back to the armbar. Punk gets into the ropes as well and finally scores with the high kick for two. The GTS, Bulldog Driver and another GTS are all countered and Punk is sent shoulder first into the post, giving Ambrose a rollup (with a handful of trunks) for two more. Not that it matters as another high kick sets up the GTS for the pin at 13:00.

Rating: B-. Good match, annoying booking. There are three Shield members to pick from. One is a champion, one is the golden boy and the other is Seth Rollins. Why in the would wasn’t this Rollins doing a job for Punk? The match would have been entertaining and you keep the title looking strong at the same time. It’s really not that complicated of an idea but WWE continues to mess it up. The match was what you would expect from Punk vs. Ambrose for 13 minutes, but why did Ambrose go after the arm so much when Punk had bad ribs coming in?

Renee Young (looking stunning in a red dress) is with Rey Mysterio in the back. She asks Rey which world title means more. Before Rey can answer, the Real Americans (now in matching jackets with Cesaro’s saying Toni and Swagger’s saying Big Hoss) come up and asks to see Rey’s papers.

Colter wants to know what’s up with Mysterio’s mask, if that’s even his real name. Rey says he was born and raised in San Diego, California but is Mexican in his heart. Colter thinks Rey’s title reigns should be stricken from the record books but Rey thinks the Real Americans should be stricken from the building. Zeb throws out a challenge for a tag match with Rey getting a partner. Rey says si.

Natalya vs. Tamina Snuka

AJ is on commentary and talks about how she was the most interesting Diva in the match just by skipping around in a circle. Tamina gets caught by a quick clothesline for two but she easily shoves Natalya to the floor. Nattie gets rammed ribs first into the apron a few times before Tamina takes it back inside to crank on Natalya’s arms.

Cole spends the match trying to make AJ into a heel by asking why she thinks she’s above the title which just isn’t working. Natalya gets two off a low dropkick but Tamina kicks out of the Sharpshooter. A Samoan drop puts Natalya down but she misses the Superfly Splash, giving Natalya the pin at 2:59.

Post match Natalya yells at AJ to no effect.

The Funkadactyls sell stuff and annoy me by existing.

Real Americans vs. Rey Mysterio/???

The mystery partner is Big Show, who apparently is just going to forget about the whole Authority ruining his life thing. Big Show chops Swagger in the corner and headbutts him down to start. Off to Rey for a top rope hurricanrana but Swager counters the sitout bulldog into a wheelbarrow slam in a nice move. Cesaro gets in a neck snap across the top rope as Cole brings up Cesaro making Titus sick last week.

Mysterio fights out of the corner but Jack sends him out to the floor. Back in and the Real Americans take turns pounding on Rey until the sitout bulldog takes Swagger down. Double tags bring in Cesaro and Big Show so the giant can clean house. A spear gets two on Cesaro as Swagger makes the save, only to have Rey hit a quick 619 to Jack. Big Show chokeslams Cesaro, setting up a Rey splash from Big Show’s shoulders for the pin at 4:20.

Rating: D+. Just a match here with a very short version of the tag team formula. Big Show being in the midcard again is a better fit for him, but I really hope this doesn’t lead to a big man/little man tag team. The Real Americans continue to go from hot to cold like no one else on the roster.

We get a video package of various champions over the years, talking about what being champion meant to them. It’s mainly a collection of promos from their careers with a few guys sitting down to talk about what the win means. Cool stuff.

HHH’s sitdown interview talks about how great the unification match will be and guarantees that the King of Kings will crown the Champion of Champions.

Bad News Barrett has some good news for us. There will be a Champion of Champions after TLC, but that man will have a target on his chest. He’ll be the hunted, making him the envy of the locker room, meaning he’s doomed.

Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton

Non-title of course. They fight into the corner to start with neither being able to get an advantage. Orton takes over with some right hands but Bryan fights out of the corner with punches of his own. Daniel goes after the arm as the announcers discuss Bryan joining the Wyatts. Orton comes back with the backbreaker for two and a clothesline puts Bryan down. Bryan scores with a dropkick to send Orton to the floor but Orton moves before the FLYING GOAT can launch.

We take a break and come back with Orton getting two off something we didn’t see before putting on a chinlock. Bryan fights out and moonsaults over Randy to set up the running clothesline. A pair of running dropkicks in the corner set up some kicks to Orton’s chest and a top rope hurricanrana gets two for Bryan. Daniel sends him to the floor and now the FLYING GOAT connects.

Back in and the missile dropkick drops Randy again and there are the YES kicks. The big one misses as is the new custom and Orton gets two off a powerslam. Orton connects with the Elevated DDT but Bryan counters the RKO into a backslide for two. Now the big kick lays out Orton and the Swan Dive…..doesn’t launch because we’ve got Wyatts. The distraction lets Orton hit the RKO for the pin at 8:44 shown of 12:14.

Rating: C+. Bryan continues his roll but it’s clear his time on top is over. The ending keeps the Bryan vs. Wyatts feud going but doesn’t do much for Daniel himself. It does however give Bryan some more momentum going into the PPV which is a good idea, but unfortunately it’s at Bryan’s expense.

Post match Bray pops up on screen and says tick tock over and over. He doesn’t mean to keep haunting Bryan, but how many times does Bryan have to cross a burning bridge to know he doesn’t have to fight this battle alone? Bryan knows what they are, but at TLC he’ll learn what he himself is. Bray laughs to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. They’re doing a decent job of building up to TLC but not everything was clicking tonight. Bad News Barrett is going to bomb and it’s going to bomb badly. There’s just nothing there at the moment and the insults are as easy as you can think of. On the other hand, the handicap matches are going to be solid with Bryan vs. Wyatts getting more interesting every show. The world title match is looking more and more like a screwy finish every week, but at least we have a new buzz phrase with Champion of Champions.

Results

Big E. Langston b. Fandango – Big Ending

Curtis Axel/Ryback b. Cody Rhodes/Goldust – Rollup to Rhodes

CM Punk b. Dean Ambrose – GTS

Natalya b. Tamina Snuka – Pin after a missed Superfly Splash

Big Show/Rey Mysterio b. Real Americans – Splash to Swagger

Randy Orton b. Daniel Bryan – RKO

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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It’s the closest thing to a major Christmas show I could think of. Also, what better way to almost close out the year than with an absolutely horrible show?

December to Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

So this is more or less considered the standard for worst WWE PPV of all time. There are quite a few reasons for that and I’d say it’s likely true. Number one is Vince McMahon. Heyman was told to run this show and he put together a run sheet and the endings to matches etc.

Since Big Show had made it clear that he was leaving the company as soon as his contract was up two days after the show, the title change was clearly coming. Heyman’s original idea was Punk and Show start the Chamber match and Punk gets Show to tap out inside of four minutes. Punk liked it, Heyman liked it, Show LOVED it, the writers liked it, Vince hated it.

Vince insisted on Lashley getting the belt and a huge celebration ending the show. Heyman said allegedly three or four times that this was going to bomb. It did indeed bomb and guess what happened. Yep, Vince blamed Heyman for the whole thing and Paul quit/was thrown out. The second issue here is that we had seen Survivor Series SEVEN DAYS EARLIER.

Yeah, this is our second PPV in two weeks, so of course the buyrate was through the floor. That was of course Heyman’s fault too. Finally, this was called an ECW show. The problem was it was more or less a really long episode of the TV show with a bit main event. This wasn’t like the TV show now either. This was back when the show was awful and more or less held together with tape and gum every week. Let’s get this over with.

Of course the opening video is all about the Chamber. Oh, it’s an EXTREME Elimination Chamber as the four in pods will all have weapons. Give me a break.

Joey says this show might be infamous. That’s just amusing. He follows this by screwing up and saying there will be a new champion tonight. Thanks for the spoiler Joey.

MNM vs. Hardys

This was an open challenge that was accepted by MNM. Who cares that neither was on ECW at the time? This was one of two matches announced for the show. What does that tell you? MNM beat up the Hardys on Tuesday and that’s all there is to it. Jeff is IC Champion here by the way. Matt and Mercury start us off.

The Hardys are dominating and throw in a spin cycle which is always a cool move. It’s like a double suplex but they spin the other guy around. It’s hard to explain. And now we get the weird part of this: ECW chants by fans that actually think this is a real ECW show. They start a she’s a crack w**** chant at Melina and no one knows how to react to it.

Matt hits splash mountain on Nitro (Morrison) for two. Apparently Melina has herpes. This show really was doomed from the start on this. I didn’t know Scott Armstrong was refereeing this far back. Tazz isn’t helping things either with his idiotic commentary. To be fair though, he could be far more annoying, like that scream from Melina.

Tazz throws in that Cole doesn’t like women. If true, I’m not entirely surprised. In a funny bit, MNM go for the Twist of Fate and Swanton but Matt fights off and gets the hot tag to Jeff. Matt hits a Pescado on Mercury which is more or less caught and reversed to set up the big pile of aerial moves which never gets old.

Jeff misses the Swanton as Mercury pulls Nitro out. This has been pretty good so far. Tazz gets off on the screaming I think. Morrison looks weird with blonde hair. It’s MNM in control now as they beat up Jeff. Yeah Tazz is driving me crazy. Melina is a crack w**** again apparently. It amazes me that she was more or less just the sexy valet at this point and became a great worker (by comparison) in just a few years.

They’re being given a lot of time if nothing else as we’re about 15 minutes into this and there seems to be a good amount of time to go in it. Is Tazz supposed to be Jerry Lawler or something? If he is he’s somehow more annoying than Jerry if that’s possible. Jeff gets a Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere to set up the tag to Matt.

In a cool spot, Jeff is tagged back in and goes up. Matt tries to set Mercury up for a powerbomb by handing him to Jeff but Nitro makes the save and then shoves Mercury up to Jeff so he can hit a hurricanrana. That was freaking cool. Nitro accidentally dropkicks Melina and Jeff rolls him up for a LONG two.

Jeff takes the Snapshot but Matt makes the save. This is awesome stuff now. MNM sets for a top rope Snapshot but Matt saves with a double cutter to let Jeff hit a Swanton onto both of them for the pin. By the way, the Snapshot is Nitro holding up the other guy and Mercury hitting an elevated DDT.

Rating: B+. This was very good stuff as they were given a lot of time and it worked very well. This was a way to let MNM look good, even though at the end of the day they weren’t even the best tag team that Morrison was even a part of. Either way this was good stuff and it worked very well. Definitely good, but the show would go all downhill from here.

Van Dam says he’ll win the title tonight.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

See what I mean about them not advertising anything? I think you can see why based on this one alone. They had been feuding back in the day and no one cared so let’s have people pay to see the “blowoff” to it. They kept saying that Striker was a former teacher that had to resign but it was never explained why: he got in trouble for going to wrestle at night.

The match tonight is under Striker’s Rules, meaning very strict. There is no eye gouging, no hair pulling, no top rope moves, and no foul language. I didn’t know that Bill Watts booked ECW. Balls comes out to a bad cover of Big Balls. They make jokes about Striker having a picture of himself on his body.

If there has ever been a match that belonged on TV, this is it. It’s ok, but it’s certainly not worth paying anything for. After even more boring stuff, this time mainly arm work from Balls, he hits the Nutcracker Sweet, of course not called that here, to get the win.

Rating: D. Not only was it boring, but this was something people had to pay to see without it being mentioned or advertised. Other than the opener and the main event, that’s the case all around tonight actually. You’re starting to get the idea why this show is considered awful.

Punk is getting ready.

Sabu is hurt and Hardcore Holly is replacing him in the main event. The fans, knowing what’s going on, loudly chant BS at this.

Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke vs. F.B.I.

This FBI is Guido and Tony Mamaluke. Burke is the Pope from TNA, and yet, he’s still overrated and more or less worthless. “But KB, he can talk so well!” Well that would bet true if it wasn’t BS. He’s talking now and he’s annoying me already. Now in TNA he’s a modern day Slick and just as annoying.

The only good thing about the FBI is they have Trinity and she looks quite good. Yep, that’s all I’m going to care about here. Terkay is more or less an MMA guy that wrestled. Apparently Tazz needs a cold shower. Can we please get to the end of this show PLEASE? We have a very weak where’s my pizza chant as I feel so sorry for the live fans.

This was a massive slap in the face of all of ECW and its fans, but hey, Vince gets to feel like he killed the freaking place and his delusions of grandeur are fulfilled for one more day right? All is right with the world now. More or less this is a way for Terkay to beat people up. It’s more or less a squash.

Actually screw that: it is a squash. Naturally the ECW guys get destroyed on an ECW show so that the WWE guys can look great. Oh and after the match, Terkay uses a Muscle Buster to get a big TNA chant going. Ok so not big but whatever. Just move on please.

Rating: D-. Screw Vince. This was just dumb. I get that you hate ECW but if you’re going to screw the audience like this, get over yourself Vince.

Sabu is put in an ambulance.

We get an ad for Raw, on an ECW show. This is freaking garbage.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Daivari is more commonly known as Sheik Abdul Bashir recently and here he’s known as the manager of the Great Khali. I wonder what’s going to happen here. Dreamer jobbing would be ok I guess. Those poor fans actually think Dreamer has a chance in this. Khali is thrown out. And now no one else cares. It’s Dreamer vs. a tiny guy that never does anything else.

Dreamer gets some of his big spots in to get the crowd going a bit, but naturally as he goes for the DDT, Daivari just rolls him up with the tights for the pin. I hate this show more and more every time. Of course Khali comes out and chokeslams him on the ramp. Tazz is legit ticked off as you can tell.

Rating: W. That stands for who freaking cares anymore. I’m not even an ECW fan and I’m even an ECW critic and this is ticking me off. Tell me one reason why Daivari should have gone over like that here. If you’re going to have Khali destroy him, fine, but have that be the reason to end the freaking match. This is just mindless.

Dreamer takes forever to get up as we’re an hour and 15 minutes into this and we have two matches left, one of which is a mixed tag.

Ad for See No Evil, which is of course, a WWE thing and not an ECW thing.

I actually took a break at this point to watch a bad Disney Channel movie. That’s how annoyed I am with this show.

Heyman gives Hardcore Holly the spot in the main event. The fans pause and then know what’s coming, as Holly gets the spot. I actually can’t understand Holly’s first line as the fans are booing so loudly. This was a freaking atrocity and it’s pathetic that it has to be. The fans are just freaking dead now.

Ariel/Kevin Thorn vs. Kelly/Mike Knox

Kelly dated Knox apparently. Kelly at this point is an exhibitionist and AWFUL. I mean she’s ridiculously bad so we get Knox and Thorn. Knox has no beard at this point and is somehow more worthless than he was before. Oh dang it they’re letting him talk. Oh good Kelly is talking instead. She likes Punk, who gets a chant. That chant didn’t happen though. No one likes Punk. What people want is HARDCORE HOLLY AND TEST!!!

Thorn is a vampire and Ariel is a fortune telling gypsy or something. She would become Salinas in TNA in case you’re more familiar with them. This is a freaking disgrace. I’m glad no one bought it as it makes things seem a bit better. No one cares about this either as since both girls can’t wrestle we more or less have a Knox vs. Thorn match.

And here they are. At least Kelly looks hot. Kelly tries to get the tag to Knox but he leaves. Note: the fans chant for Punk to come make the save. To make sure it’s clear: Punk is WAY over. Sandman makes the save instead which gets a nice pop.

Rating: D-. Kelly looking hot is the only reason this passes. I just want to get to the end of this.

We get a long ad for Armageddon, which was the third PPV in four weeks. WWE was so stupid at this point that I can’t comprehend it.

Some RIDICULOUSLY hot chick named Rebecca interviews Lashley. She can’t talk but she doesn’t need to. It’s mainly about how Lashley has had to put up with a ton of nonsense, more or less confirming that he’ll win tonight, which only Vince wanted to see.

Three of the people in the chamber come to the ring together. We get the same exact video as the one that opened the show. Oh man they knew they had jack. We’re about an hour and a half into the show at this point mind you.

Heyman comes out and talks while saying nothing at all. This is nothing more than trying desperately to fill in time.

ECW World Title: CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Test vs. Hardcore Holly vs Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Now keep in mind, Punk and Lashley were more or less worthless at this point, so the only two legit main event guys you have in there are RVD who was hated by the company at this point and Show who didn’t care as he was leaving in 48 hours. RVD and Holly start. Remember that as soon as each pod opens up, the person comes out with a weapon which I’ll get to as each pod opens.

Holly is booed out of the building. Naturally Vince will insist that it’s because of how great a heel he is or whatever. So we have to watch Holly and Van Dam for five minutes. Oh joy. The entrances took almost ten minutes mind you. The fans are dead here by the way. We get Rolling Thunder on the cage, which is impressive but we’ve seen it before.

They’ve managed to make the Elimination Chamber boring. That’s just impressive. Note: another Punk chant goes up. I can’t emphasize this enough: PUNK IS OVER. In third is Punk and his chair to a freaking ERUPTION. It’s a shame that he didn’t have a chance to win here. And Van Dam kicks the chair into him so he’s down 30 seconds in.

Ok to be fair, they’re the two most over guys in there so that’s ok I guess. Van Dam is bleeding. Apparently you can get pins outside on the cage now. That’s new I think. Heyman is the evil GM here in case you didn’t know. Punk is getting destroyed by Holly here in case you weren’t sure.

Also Punk would have his first loss in the company to Holly in about a month with the justification being that Holly was the bigger star and should go over. Again: if it’s not Vince’s idea, it’s not a good idea. In fourth is Test with a crowbar. Naturally he nails Punk with it. This is freaking stupid. Test and Hardcore Holly are in THE MAIN EVENT OF A PAY PER VIEW.

The idea here is that the heels are all working together which is completely pointless considering the idea of the match but that can’t be Vince’s idea. Heyman “booked” this remember? And then Van Dam hits this Five Star and Punk is gone. Yep, the most over guy in the match is out first while Test and Holly get to stick around.

Test puts Holly out ten seconds later with a big boot. It was only a two but the referee calls it three. The announcers and fans are confused but since this show isn’t for the fans it doesn’t matter. Van Dam goes up on top of Big Show’s pod but a chair shot puts him down. Test hits a big elbow off the pod…and Van Dam is out. Let’s see. Why is this stupid? Number one, the most over guy left is Big Show.

Second, now THERE’S NO ONE FOR TEST TO FIGHT, so it’s just dead time now. Third, you had freaking TEST beat RVD. We’re still just sitting around after two replays of the elbow and just waiting on ANYTHING to happen. The fans have completely turned on the match at this point and don’t care at all. Thankfully the next guy in is Lashley.

He gets NO pop at all. Heyman’s security try to hold him in the pod, but using the WOODEN table in the pod with him, he breaks the STEEL chains on top of the pod. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? The table is still in the pod mind you so it’s not like it’s even being used. They keep ramming Test into the Plexiglas to set up Lashley vs. Show.

Yeah, that’s what this whole thing is supposed to end with: the massive showdown between Show and a heavily muscled guy. I know I’ve said it before, but Vince has to have repressed homosexual desires towards musclemen. I mean really, is there any doubt of it at this point? The fans HATE this mind you.

A spear puts Test out with a minute and a half left until Show comes out. In other words, we have nothing to do but wait for the time to run out. You might as well quit reading now as you know exactly what’s coming. Show comes in with his barbed wire ball bat and naturally he gets in no offense as it’s ALL Lashley here.

He avoids the chokeslam and they slug it out. Lashley is terrible in the ring at this point mind you, so this is even more torture. And he wins it with a spear. The main event is over two hours and five minutes into the show.

Rating: D-. This was just completely ridiculous for reasons I’ve already gone into. For another thing, SABU, the guy that has somehow made a whole career out of doing stupid stunts in a ring, is left out here in favor of Holly. Are you freaking KIDDING? This was just dumb and nothing more than Vince deciding that he’s smarter than the fans once again.

And that’s it. No seriously, the show which cost 40 dollars started at 8pm and was over at 10:05pm, the last 4 minutes being the celebration by Lashley. Do I even need to insult this?

Overall Rating: I. For incomplete. Where’s the last 45 minutes of this? I know WWE cuts their shows early, but this was inexcusable. Not only does it end 40 minutes early, but there were two matches allegedly worth seeing and the Hardys vs. MNM was the only good thing of it at all. This wasn’t a PPV. It was Vince making sure that ECW died the way he wanted it to.

If Vince would listen once all night, he could have heard the fans BEGGING for this to be Punk but the rookie muscle guy gets it instead. Heyman was of course blamed for the whole thing because while he wrote the show, it was his third one or so and the only reason he went with it was because Vince wouldn’t accept anything.

Like I said, the initial idea was Punk puts Show out in about three minutes and we end with Van Dam, Punk and Lashley (if we have to) in a 20 minute war. Alas, that would have been entertaining though so they went with Lashley being given the hero push so Vince would have nice wet dreams that night. This was an abomination and not a PPV at all.

Get the Hardys/MNM match if you like tag wrestling, but other than that don’t do anything with this show so Vince doesn’t get anything out of it. This was an insult to the fans at best and an ego trip by Vince of epic proportions.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: December 5, 2006
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s an important time in ECW as the only WWECW PPV has come and gone. December to Dismember was about as horrible of a show as you could ask for but it saw a new ECW Champion crowned as Bobby Lashley beat Big Show to win the title. Not that people wanted to see Lashley win but what personifies ECW better than a huge muscular man? Tonight is Big Show’s rematch. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Lashley winning the title at December to Dismember.

Heyman shows us Big Show’s blood on his tie. Big Show had agreed to turn ECW from a bingo hall promotion into a worldwide phenomenon. It took an Elimination Chamber and a 280lb man with a weapon to take the title from Big Show, so tonight there’s a rematch. Heyman is crying as he says all this.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam/CM Punk vs. Test/Hardcore Holly

Punk has a taped up shoulder. RVD says he knows Heyman was behind Sabu being attacked and not being able to compete inside the Chamber. Rob kicks Holly in the face to start and hits the split legged moonsault after Holly ducks the middle rope kick to the face. Holly sends him to the floor so Test can get in some cheap shots to give the heels control. Back in and Test pounds him down in the corner though the fans don’t seem to care.

Van Dam comes back with some kicks to the face but Test clotheslines him down and brings in Holly. Tazz amuses himself by saying Cacalacky over and over until RVD kicks Holly in the face, allowing for the tag off to Punk. The running knee and bulldog (which actually connect!) take Holly down and after Test is dispatched, the Rock Bottom sets up the Anaconda Vice, drawing in Heyman’s security for the DQ.

Rating: D+. As mentioned the fans didn’t seem to care for a good chunk of this and can you blame them? Who in the world is buying Test and Hardcore Holly as high level heels? There’s a reason they’re not on Raw and Smackdown after all. Punk getting a rub in the main event scene is a good thing though as he’s one of the most over guys on the show.

Post match Sabu comes out with his arm in a sling and destroys the security.

Daivari issues a challenge to Tommy Dreamer and throws in a video of Khali destroying Dreamer on Sunday.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari

Daivari jumps Dreamer during his entrance and goes after his injured ribs. Tommy fights out of a stretch on the mat and punches away before hitting the DDT for the pin in less than 90 seconds.

Post match here’s Khali with another Punjabi Plunge on a steel chair to Dreamer.

Next week’s show is on Saturday. Good to know.

Big Show says tonight Lashley is all alone and will get the beating of his life.

Kelly Kelly vs. Ariel

This is more fallout from a mixed tag Sunday. Kelly is all serious tonight which as usual doesn’t work when her song is about hollering in a club. Kevin Thorn is here with Ariel but there’s no Mike Knox in sight. Not that it matters as Thorn is ejected before the match gets started. Aries jumps her from behind and screams a lot while hitting some of the worst punches you’ll ever see. Kelly rolls her up for the pin after less than a minute. Riveting stuff here people.

Post match here’s Knox with roses for Kelly to beg her forgiveness. He’s sorry for walking out of the match on Sunday and gets on his knees in front of her. Knox says he’s sorry….for waiting so long to dump her. Kelly’s expression has barely changed from the time she came out to the ring. Knox hits her with the flowers and his finisher (Sister Abigail). Tazz gets out of his chair and chases Knox off to check on Kelly.

Back from a break and Tazz is singing about the show being on Saturday next week to show how serious the previous segment was.

ECW Title: Big Show vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley is defending and there are no special rules here. Big Show looks furious. Lashley ducks some punches to start and pounds away, only to be shoved down with ease. Bobby tries some more right hands but walks into a side slam to stop him cold. There’s a headbutt to Lashley and Show chokes away on the ropes. We hit the bearhug early on but Big Show drops to a knee to make the hold look less impressive.

Bobby fights back with even more right hands but can’t slam Big Show as we take a break. Back with Show standing on Lashley’s chest and slapping him on the back. An ax handle to the spine keeps Lashley in trouble and a whip into the corner puts him down again. Big Show stands on the back to make Lashley scream but he comes back with right hands (again) for two.

Lashley finally tries something new by kicking at Big Show’s legs but a shoulder block is only good for one. Both guys are down for a bit as Big Show is spent from a few right hands and a shoulder. Lashley still can’t slam Big Show and he can’t suplex him either, only to have Big Show suplex him down with ease. We hit the abdominal stretch (complete with the wrapped leg to make Monsoon happy) for a bit until Lashley comes back with more strikes.

A shoulder block just bounces off Show though and the challenger loads up a superplex. Bobby knocks him away and a top rope clothesline puts Big Show down. Some more clotheslines put him down again but Lashley charges into the chokeslam for two. Another chokeslam is countered and Lashley (kind of) slams him for two. A rather impressive delayed slam is enough to retain Lashley’s title.

Rating: C-. The match was boring but it was the perfect match for Lashley. He took everything Big Show had, kicked out of his finisher, and pinned Big Show clean with an impressive power display. That’s the perfect way to transition the top spot over to Lashley as Big Show was done at this point.

I mean that literally. Big Show wouldn’t be back in WWE for over a year.

Overall Rating: D. The main event as more well done than high quality and that’s the high point of the show. There’s nothing underneath the main event to speak of, other than RVD and Punk feuding with the remnants of Heyman’s regime. Thankfully this show is only an hour a week because more than that could be terrifying.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 25, 2013
Location: Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Uniondale, New York,
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Survivor Series and not a lot has changed. The main events all went exactly the same way everyone expected them to, but there was a surprise at the ending. John Cena and Randy Orton, both world champions, stood alone in the ring, seemingly teasing a title unification match at some point down the line. There might be some development on that tonight. Let’s get to it.

We recap the ending to last night’s show.

Here’s Orton to open the show. He brags about doing what he said he’d do and rise about the giant to keep the title last night. Orton asks HHH and Stephanie to come out here for something to say, and the Authority obliges. They seem very pleased with Orton on the way to the ring and Stephanie brags about how awesome he was last night. Orton talks about HHH and Stephanie lied about the interference.

Stephanie says they set everything up and there was no physical interference just like they said. It was all to motivate Orton you see. That’s not cool with Randy though because he was able to beat Big Show on his own. He’s the face of the WWE and the biggest star in all of wrestling.

This brings out John Cena who thinks there’s more than one champion right now. He talks about the fans being tired of being coddled and thinks we need to find out who the better man is. Orton protests a bit but Cena cuts him off, saying that this match is 11 years in the making, but there’s no way to avoid this any longer. If Orton wants to, let’s get rid of one championship and see who really is better.

HHH and Stephanie like the idea quite a bit and say in three weeks at TLC, they’re going to hang both titles above the ring. It’s going to be John Cena vs. Randy Orton in a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match. HHH never actually said the titles were on the line but I think that’s implied.

Shield vs. Rey Mysterio/Goldust/Cody Rhodes

Shield jumps the good guys to start and pull Goldust to their corner for an early advantage. Ambrose pounds away but Goldust counters his running dropkick into a catapult to the floor. Goldust uppercuts Dean down and backdrops the now legal Rollins to the floor. Seth springboards into an atomic drop but Reigns comes in with a running clothesline for two as we take a break.

Back with Goldust fighting off Ambrose and making the hot tag to Mysterio. Things immediately speed up as Rey snaps off a headscissors to Rollins, only to have both guys try cross bodies at the same time. Double tags bring in Ambrose and Rhodes with Cody hitting the missile dropkick and an Alabama Slam as everything breaks down. Reigns is sent to the floor but Reigns spears him down. Goldust gets one as well but Cody dropkicks Reigns to the floor. A Disaster Kick sends him to the floor again but Ambrose sneaks in with the bulldog driver to pin Cody at 8:30.

Rating: C+. Very fast paced match here with everyone moving the entire way through. Reigns got his big spears in and the seeds of his face turn continue. Notice that Ambrose got the pin after his finisher, but it was Reigns taking out two of the three opponents. That could come into play later.

You can pick Ziggler vs. Sandow’s stipulations: street fight, lumberjack match or hardcore match.

It’s time for MizTV with special guest NFL legend Michael Strahan. Instead it’s Titus O’Neil in a suit with some of his teeth blacked out ala Strahan’s gap between his teeth. Titus imitates Strahan’s odd way of speaking but Miz wants to know what’s up with the gap. Miz: “That thing is wider than the gap between the Giants and the playoffs.” “Strahan” things that Titus is awesome but here’s the real Strahan to protest.

Strahan doesn’t think the gap humor is very funny but thinks the fans want to have some fun. Tonight there’s going to be a double team main event. It’s going to be Orton/Del Rio vs. John Cena/Big Show. Miz approves of Strahan’s hosting abilities but wants to know if he can hang in the ring. Strahan dosn’t mind the idea of a fight but Titus plays peacekeeper.

Apparently a simple move could put Strahan out of work and wants to know if Michael can handle a hiptoss. Michael blocks the hiptoss pretty easily so Titus takes his jacket off to try his luck. The same thing happens again as the fans are just silent. Miz makes fun of the Giants (Strahan’s old team who are having a terrible season) and gets taken down with ease. There’s a hiptoss for Titus as well to end on a fun moment….I think? The Millions of Dollars dance ensues.

How to download the App to vote for the stipulations.

Big E. Langston/Mark Henry vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Langston starts with Axel but the former Heyman Guys double team Langston down with a spinebuster and splash for two. Ryback gorilla presses him down for two and it’s back to Axel for some stomping. Langston fights up and powers Ryback down, allowing for the double tag off to Henry and Axel. Everything breaks down with the power guys cleaning house. The World’s Strongest Slam ends Axel at 2:32.

We recap the opening segment. JBL flat out says one of them is leaving with both titles. That’s the first official confirmation.

Total Divas vs. Team AJ

Bella Twins/Funkadactyls/Natalya/Eva Marie/JoJo

Aksana/AJ Lee/Rosa Mendes/Summer Rae/Kaitlyn/Tamina Snuka/Alicia Fox

Yes, seriously and it’s elimination again. Brie starts with Aksana and gets a fast pin off something we missed due to the screen going dark. The Bellas double team Rosa for an elimination and it’s off to Cameron to face Tamina. Snuka easily throws her down so it’s off to Naomi for a double suplex on Tamina followed by some hip shaking. A superkick eliminates Naomi very quickly and it’s off to Cameron with a high cross body.

Tamina easily rolls through into a Samoan drop for the elimination but Natalya comes in to take out the monster. She slams Tamina down and tags in JoJo for the “shocking” pin. Alicia comes in and gets rolled up a few times, only to get caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for the elimination. Eva comes in to some insane heel heat before countering a sunset flip out of the corner to Fox for a pin.

Off to Kaitlyn vs. Natalya with the Canadian making Kaitlyn tap out in just a few seconds. It’s AJ/Summer vs. the Bellas/Eva/Natalya and AJ comes in first. Natalya tries a Sharpshooter again but AJ rolls her up for the pin, taking care of that potential challenger. Brie comes in with the Bella Buster and the pin, leaving Summer all alone. Summer realizes she’s outnumbered and starts dancing. Nikki comes in and does the Worm to a pop but Summer completely fails at it. The Bellas won’t let her leave and Nikki grabs a torture rack backbreaker for the pin at 8:24.

Rating: F+. You know my opinion on this already. Just pick a Total Diva to win the title in the big season finale and be done with it already.

Sandow is in the ring to protest having to be in a match selected by the fans. The match is going to be a Hamptons Hardcore Match.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Damien Sandow

The Hamptons is a VERY rich neighborhood in New York so there are golf clubs and tennis rackets around the ring. Ziggler wears a New York Islanders jersey to suck up to the crowd even more. Various objects are uses to hit both guys, including a trashcan to send Ziggler to the floor. Dolph sends Sandow over the timekeeper’s table as Cole talks about the Mean Street Posse in the Attitude Era. Ziggler puts Sandow in the trashcan and dropkicks him down as we take a break.

Back with Sandow dropping knees to the chest but getting sent into a food cart of some kind. Damien drapes the Islanders jersey over Ziggler for the Wind-Up Elbow for some cheap but decent heat. They head outside where Ziggler gets in a blast from a fire extinguisher before heading back inside. A shot with a broom sets up the Fameass for two on Damien. Ziggler hits a delayed jumping DDT onto a chair for two but Daniem breaks the broom over Ziggler’s back. You’re Welcome onto the trashcan is enough to pin Ziggler at 11:35.

Rating: C. This was fine all things around and I could see them doing several of these over the next few weeks. It’s a simple idea and something different from what they usually do so I can’t complain about it being repetitive. The matches aren’t terrible either, though Zack Ryder must be crying over these.

Trailer for Miz’s new ABC Family movie.

Santino is in the back with Strahan when Erick Rowan comes up with a sheep mask. Strahan puts it on and they stare at each other for awhile. Santino thinks it has something to do with Thanksgiving and suggests some turkey cooking techniques. Another strange segment in a series tonight.

Renee Young brings out Punk and Bryan for a chat. Punk asks Bryan if they survived last night, earning a quick YES. Do they want to take on the Wyatts again with Bray included? YES! Are we in Long Island? YES! Is it weird that we both have microphones and keep shouting answers while Renee doesn’t ask us any questions? YES! What is a better team name: the Goats, the Best and the Beard or the Best Team in the World? Bryan: “….that’s not a yes or no question.” Bryan says they’re ready and asks Punk what time it is. IT’S CLOBBERIN TIME!!! The Wyatts come out and we take a break.

CM Punk/Daniel Bryan vs. Wyatt Family

Three on two here. Punk and Rowan get things going with CM firing off kicks to the leg. Bryan comes in and kicks at the ribs like only he can but Rowan comes back with an elbow to the jaw. Off to Harper vs. Punk with CM taking Harper into the corner for some shoulders. Back to Bryan as they work on the other monster’s leg a bit this time. Harper comes back with a hard shot to the face and now it’s time for Bray himself.

Bray blasts Daniel in the jaw and drops him with a headbutt before bringing Rowan back in. Erick misses a big boot in the corner and the hot tag brings Punk in for some kicks and knees to the face. Rowan is knocked to the floor and Punk hits the suicide dive to send him into the barricade. Back in and the Macho Elbow gets two for Punk but Erick counters the GTS by LAUNCHING Punk out to the floor.

We take a break and come back with Punk fighting out of a Rowan chinlock. Harper comes in before the comeback though and puts on the Gator Roll into a headlock. Rowan comes in again for some choking but Punk kicks him in the head to put both guys down. A double tag brings in Bryan and Harper with Daniel dropkicking Bray out to the floor.

The FLYING GOAT takes Bray down again as Bryan speeds things way up. Back in and Harper catches Harper in a hurricanrana but Rowan breaks up the pin. Running dropkicks in the corner have the monsters in trouble but Harper hits the Michinoku Driver. Bray comes in for the big brawl and the match is thrown out at about 13:00.

Rating: C. Still good for the most part but nowhere near what last night’s match was. Rowan needs the ring time more than anything else right now so having two tag matches like this is a good thing for him. Bray being in the match helped too but it’s good that he was in small doses here. Fun match to continue the story.

Post match the heroes are laid out and Bryan gets taken away by the Wyatts. Punk goes after them but Shield takes Punk out in a surprise attack. The TripleBomb leaves Punk laying.

The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston

Kofi starts fast with some hiptosses to frustrate Miz and things already slow down. Miz bails to the floor but Kofi stops himself from diving after him. Back in and we hit the front facelock on Miz but he counters into a headlock. Kofi fights out with ease and kicks Miz down to set up the Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise is blocked as well. The Figure Four doesn’t work and the SOS gets two. Kofi hits a cross body for two but Miz quickly rolls him up for the pin at 5:00.

Rating: C-. This was fast paced for the most part but it wasn’t anything close to what they did last night. I’m still not sure what the idea is behind doing the same thing on back to back nights, especially when last night’s match was available for free. Kofi continues to be Kofi and no one cares about the Miz, so everything is the same.

Mick Foley, Dude Love and Mankind sell us stuff.

Some contest winner is here and already has shirts made for his gimmick: the Kosher Butcher. Ok then.

R-Truth is in the ring in street clothes to introduce Xavier Woods, who is being accompanied by the Funkadactyls tonight due a deal with Brodus Clay.

Xavier Woods vs. Heath Slater

Woods starts fast and flips Slater down to the mat before chopping in the corner. Slater avoids a charge in the corner and puts on a chinlock to kill more time. Woods fights up and hits the rolling clothesline followed by Lost in the Woods for the pin at 3:17.

Rating: D. They did what they were hoping to do here but it didn’t really change anything at all. Woods is going to be fine in the midcard for awhile but I can’t picture him going much further than that. Then again, that’s not a bad career to have. R-Truth isn’t going to do him much more good though.

The Total Divas hit on Strahan as he signs autographs for them. Eva hits on him but Goldust pops up behind Strahan for his bite thing.

Steve Austin is voted as Rock’s greatest Wrestlemania rival.

Cena and Strahan are cool with each other.

John Cena/Big Show vs. Randy Orton/Alberto Del Rio

Big Show and Del Rio get us going with the giant hitting some of those loud chops of his. Del Rio is thrown to the corner and it’s Orton’s chance at Big Show. More chops put Orton down and an elbow drop crushes him as we take a break. Back with Cena missing a charge into the corner, allowing Del Rio to hit the corner enziguri for two. Orton comes in for a chinlock followed by a Del Rio DDT for two.

Cena gets in a shoulder block and brings in Big Show off the hot tag and house is cleaned. Del Rio comes back with the low superkick to put Big Show down and his eyes look dazed. Big Show falls down off the ropes and Del Rio rakes at his eyes to show how evil he is. Back to Orton who does very little before bringing Del Rio back in for a kick to the head.

Remember that Big Show was punted last night. The giant tries to tag Orton and the doctor comes in to check on him. Big Show says he’s ok so Orton takes him down with a DDT. Another punt is countered by a spear and there’s the hot tag to Cena. House is cleaned, armbreaker is countered, Del Rio is tapping at 15:33.

Rating: D+. This was all about Big Show, which is dumb given the match that’s coming. We needed a big showdown here between Cena and Orton and we got a chinlock instead. The match was nothing to see of note but Big Show’s injury could be interesting going forward. I can’t imagine sitting through Big Show vs. Del Rio though. That just sounds dreadful.

Post match Cena beats up Del Rio a bit more but Orton lays him out with the title. Orton poses with both belts to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This is one of those shows where what was good was good but what was bad was bad. They felt like they were really rushing through this show though, packing in as much stuff as they could into three hours. I’m not a fan of having another PPV in three weeks but I have a hard time the title is going to be unified at TLC three weeks after the story is set up. That’s fast even for WWE standards. The Strahan stuff could have been MUCH worse but it wasn’t anything of note at all. If you cut out the boring stuff on this, it’s a good show but as it is, it’s just passable.

Results

Shield b. Rey Mysterio/Cody Rhodes/Goldust – Bulldog driver to Rhodes

Mark Henry/Big E. Langston b. Curtis Axel/Ryback – World’s Strongest Slam to Axel

Total Divas b. Team AJ – Torture Rack backbreaker to Summer Rae

Damien Sandow b. Dolph Ziggler – You’re Welcome onto a trashcan

CM Punk/Daniel Bryan vs. Wyatt Family went to a double disqualification when everyone brawled in the ring

Xavier Woods b. Heath Slater – Lost in the Woods

John Cena/Big Show b. Alberto Del Rio/Randy Orton – STF to Del Rio

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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