Note that this is very old and the quality isn’t what it would be today.

Smackdown (Debut Weekly Episode)
Date: August 26, 1999
Location: Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Well, since I just reviewed Summerslam 99 for the series, I figured I’d throw this in as well. It’s four days since Summerslam, and all you really need to know is this: HHH won his first world title three days prior to this on Raw. That’s about it.  This is also the debut of one Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah.  Let’s get to it.

We open with what else, a recap of the end of Summerslam and then the next night on Raw where HHH breaks JR’s arm, followed by Shane demanding that Foley defend the title that night. Shane gives him a chair, and he hits Rock who for some reason was doing commentary.

A pedigree ends the epic reign of Mankind, and puts HHH one step closer to Flair. This was the big eagle belt too, so it looks amazing. For some reason, Ross is fine after having his arm snapped three days ago. You have to love pro wrestling. The music and pyro go off as I remember everything from this, which is used perfectly in the game series which I like.

We open with a video in which there naturally are no Smackdown clips. That’s likely the only time in history that’s happened. I miss the old setup and intro actually. Also, you may be thinking the first Smackdown was months before this, but that was just a special. This is the first regular weekly episode.

Anyway, we start with HHH coming to the ring for the first time as world champion, which is kind of a cool moment I guess. HHH winning the title was actually very well done, as he had built himself up for over three years at this point, and delaying it one extra day was brilliant. We get a loud vulgar chant as HHH says he has four words for them: I am the World Wrestling Federation Champion. Yeah, I have no idea how that’s four words either.

This is actually a bad promo as he’s rambling quite a bit. He more or less calls out Rock, and since HHH is a person, the People’s Champion comes out. It’s pretty cool that the show was named after one catchphrase. The fans are insane for this guy. You know, I think I used to be a Rock mark. I love his lines but back in the day I didn’t. That’s just kind of odd. Oh, Rock challenges for a title match tonight.

HHH says he’s not in his league. They turn this into a war of words and Rock just owns him on every line. Despite being a former world champion, you can really see that this is like his first time going for the belt, as his character was completely reinvented in just 6 months. Oh crud HBK is coming out. I forgot he was commissioner at the time.

He makes the match tonight, and somehow takes two minutes to say the match is tonight. Anyone that wants to criticize Vince for taking too long should go after HBK. It’s horrid. Oh and he’s the referee tonight. This was in a period where you couldn’t have a match without there being a guest referee. I couldn’t stand it.

Since this hasn’t gone on long enough, SHANE comes in as we reach 15 minutes for the opening segment. He makes himself the second guest referee for the match. HBK says that can’t happen because Shane will be busy in a match. Apparently it’s against Foley, who ALSO has to come out. Naturally he has a mic.

Apparently all the talk about stroking and screwing has his excited. He messes up some words (intentionally) and rips off some Rock stuff which always makes me laugh. I was always one of the dozens and dozens, just so it’s known. Rock says screw this and hits the ring and we’re on.

The Posse runs out to help Shane but X-Pac runs out to beat up the Posse, then the Pope runs out to fight off Pac, followed by Wolverine because he just doesn’t like the Pope, but he’s countered by the entire population of Uruguay. Literally, ten people were involved in that one segment. We’re twenty minutes in and that’s all that’s happened so far. This isn’t going to be easy is it?

Apparently there’s a triple threat tag title match tonight. Also some guy named Jericho has his first match. Test might get an answer to asking Stephanie to marry him, and we all know how well that winds up.

Jarrett is dragging Debra and Miss Kitty (who debuted Monday) to…some undisclosed location that I guess was supposed to be the ring. Billy Gunn is coming to the ring too.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Billy Gunn

Ok, so Jarrett won the IC and Euro belts on Sunday but on Monday he gave the Euro one to Mark Henry. Also, there was an open contract to face Jarrett for the IC belt and Gunn ran off to find a pen. In between Chyna signed it, kicking off her and Jarrett’s great feud. On Monday though, Jeff hit Chyna with a guitar, and Billy hit Jarrett, leading to this match.

See how nice it is to have two shows in a week where stories can be built up? See how nice that is? This is non title. I’m not a fan of Billy, but his running leapfrog was always pretty cool. Chyna comes out as Kitty gives Jeff a guitar. She accidentally nails Debra, allowing Gunn to roll up Jeff for the win. Chyna gets in and he starts to moon her but Chyna low blows him.

Rating: B. This is the first match in the history of Smackdown (technically) and Billy Gunn wins it? Wow, that’s a trivia answer no one wants. Anyway, this was actually a pretty good match. You have to judge TV and PPV matches differently due to time, and I’m doing so here.

Just keep that in mind: what I call a good match on TV doesn’t mean it would be good on PPV, which is what the majority of my scale is based on. Anyway, this was short but sweet with a lot of high impact moves in a very short timespan.

Lillian Garcia (WTF?) is with Al Snow in the back, saying that Pepper has been kidnapped by Bossman. Snow is freaked out over this.

Jericho has Finkel polishing his boots. That’s just funny.

We cut to Test who is pacing around nervously.

Tag Titles: APA vs. X–Pac/Kane vs. Big Show/Undertaker

APA lost the belts to Pac and Kane who lost them to the two tall guys, so there’s your backstory. The first thing that I notice here is that for the majority of his career, Taker simply has not cared about belts. Aside from his time with the WHC, do you ever remember him wearing a belt? On his way to the ring here as a tag champion, Paul Bearer is holding his belt for him.

It’s like Taker just doesn’t care, which can be good, but at the same time, I prefer someone like Austin who would throw the belt around and make sure that you KNEW he was the champion of the world. Anyway, just as the match starts, Taker sits down at the announce table, saying that this is going to be hard love for Show. Apparently Show wants to learn to be like Taker and he’ll do whatever it takes to do so.

This starts off fast and never stops being fast. Like I said in the Summerslam review, the problem here is that X-Pac is just out of his league here. Think about it. There are 6 people in this match. Aside from X-Pac, the smallest is Ron Simmons, who is a tank. X-Pac just doesn’t look right in there. This match really could be split into two parts.

Early in the match, we have the stereotypical Big Show, who is powerful, but can’t put together a good offense if his life depends on it. Kane and Bradshaw knock him to the floor and Taker calls him over. He slaps him in the head to begin the second half of the match. After this, Show dominates and once Kane is sent to the floor, Show chokeslams the tar out of Pac to win.

Rating: B. This was another good TV match. It’s about 5 minutes long but there are no slow periods in that 5 minutes at all. It is nonstop action the whole time which makes it very good. On TV you have to hold your audience as they have a bunch of other channels to watch. On PPV you don’t have to worry about that as you have their money already. This was well done and fast paced, making it a good match.

Test is still walking around. Stephanie arrives but doesn’t answer him yet.

Bossman comes out and says that Snow needs to come out. He says that Snow gets his dog back for a title shot. If not, he’ll kill the dog.

Commercial. There have been others but this is the only one where you can really tell that it is. Lawler pitching Magic cards is kind of funny.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Big Bossman

I guess he stole the dog on Monday. Yep, the dog is nervous and Jerry is no longer dry. Yeah that’s not really funny. Snow only cares about getting his dog back so he’s distracted. This is all of three minutes long and ends with Bossman slamming Snow in the head with the nightstick.

He of course leaves, stealing Pepper again in the process. A week later they would meet in a hotel room where Snow would be given dinner that was, you guessed it, Pepper. It ended up being decided in the Kennel From Hell match. If you from to see something awful, go look that one up.

Rating: C. I’ll go with average because it’s just too short to really grade. Snow did next to nothing, but that fit with the storyline of him being nervous and upset. I really don’t know where they thought this would wind up going, but whoever thought the Kennel match was a good idea should be shot.

In the back, X-Pac leaves, yelling about how he’s tired of losing. Yep, two losses to a dream team really is a horrible thing Sean. Kane calls out for him, and Ross says the rather dumb line of was that Kane? No JR. It was Elvis.

Jericho is on his way to the ring for his first match.

In the arena, Snow wakes up and is told that Pepper is gone. He SPRINTS to the back. I’ve never seen someone in wrestling run that fast.

Commercial.

Rock and HHH are shown on a split screen getting ready, as Ross says another brilliant line: it’ll never get any bigger than this. Well thanks JR. Now I know there’s no point to watching the future shows since this one will be the best ever. Seriously, how is he in the HOF and Solie isn’t?

Snow is frantically looking for Pepper and Bossman.

Road Dogg vs. Chris Jericho

As I said in the Summerslam review, Road Dogg was perfect for Jericho as he was someone that was equally good on the mic and therefore could match Jericho on the mic. Also at this time, Jericho was using the double power bomb for his finisher. We get some generic insults, but as predictable as he was, Road Dogg had all kinds of energy and charisma which no one can deny.

At this time, Jericho was the internet god who was being wasted in WCW forever and when he was signed, the IWC collectively orgasmed. Ross says this should be something. Yes JR, it’s called a wrestling match. If it wasn’t something, nothing would be happening. Jericho gets his Canadian teeth kicked in early on by Road Dogg, until the warrior Howard Finkle (I didn’t name him that) comes down and sprays something in Roadie’s eyes.

This lets Jericho just go nuts on his back, eventually turning into a Dudley and grabbing a table. He sets it up for Road Dogg but it gets countered into a DDT. We get a short comeback before Jericho counters into the double powerbomb with the seconds through the table. You know, if Roadie hadn’t grabbed Jericho’s hands, Jericho might not have been able to lift him for the second. Just a thought. Walls of Jericho follows as the suits run out for the save.

Rating: C+. It was ok I guess. I don’t get the point in having Jericho lose his first match other than to make Jericho look insane. That works I guess, but the in ring work wasn’t great for me.

Back from commercial, we see Jericho talking to Howard about how he had his job stolen by Tony Chimmel, and that Howard is a warrior and should go get it back. We cut to the arena where Tony is introducing a match, only to be interrupted by the music of the Ullllllllllllllltimate Warrior.

Fink runs down, hits the ropes and pounds on his chest as I try not to hurt myself from laughing so hard. He yells at Tony, which is weird to hear in that velvet smooth voice. He shoves Tony down, but of course gets the tar beaten out of him for it by Tony. This was hilarious, but the fans aren’t sure what to make of it. Jericho comes out and gets Fink and they leave.

Ken Shamrock vs. Val Venis

This never happens and Val is never seen. Ken passes Jericho and Fink on the way out and Jericho sends Fink after him. You can guess how this goes, but he distracts Ken long enough for Jericho to nail him with a chair and kick off Jericho’s first feud. Shamrock would be fed to Jericho and never be heard from again.

Stephanie comes out next. She needs to heave her hair straightened more often. Test is getting a very solid pop here. For the life of me I don’t get why they just threw him in a tag team. I heard rumors they were going to actually put the belt on him for all of a week but instead it stayed with HHH.

Granted this was about 5-6 months later. The fact that Stephanie said that doing this in the ring was perfect is just funny to me. I guess wrestling runs in her blood. Anyway, Test gets on one knee and she says yes immediately, completely no selling the question. Shane and the Posse run out, breaking their word from Sunday’s stipulation. Mankind comes out and chairs all of them for the save. He grabs a mic and says that they need to have their match right now.

Mankind vs. Shane McMahon

Before we start, Mankind says that Shane can have one good shot first. He turns his back and Shane hits him, but Foley is down for about 5 seconds before popping up and beating the tar out of Shane. The Posse is still out cold in the ring while this is happening. Just as I say that Mick rolls them out. Shane tries to run but gets caught because Foley is the fastest man alive. Just making sure you were paying attention.

Foley hits a side Communist legsweep but the Posse beats on him. Test conveniently gets up at the same time to fight them off as the Stooges run out to also help beat on the Posse. This is just flat out fun. Even Stephanie gets in on it, beating on one of them. Back in the ring, Chyna and HHH run out and hit Mankind in the….some undeterminable area with a chair to let Shane win. This just further proves my Foley is a career jobber theory, now available in the Old School section.

Rating: C-. This was just a big brawl and Shane’s offense was a clothesline I think. It was meant to just kind of progress the feud without actually doing anything, so I can’t really grade it fairly.

Jericho and Fink are running away, but Jericho leaves him behind so Shamrock can beat on him.

Cole is following Tori down the hall as she’s topless. For no apparent reason, she takes her pants off and walks down the hall in just a thong without saying anything.

Cole interviews Austin from something that happened earlier in the week. Austin says that he’ll be back from the knee injury that HHH caused at Summerslam in about a month or so. Austin is asked about how HHH has been a lot more aggressive lately, which he has been, and whether or not he stole it from Austin, which he did.

Evening Gown Match: Ivory vs. Tori

You know the drill here: get them to their underwear to win. These two had one of the worst matches of all time at Summerslam, followed by Ivory trying to make Tori lose her clothes. This was just weird. I forgot how much I hate Ivory’s music.

We cut to the back where the suits won’t let Tori come out. For some reason King doesn’t understand the difference between various states of undress, which isn’t really that complicated. She comes out in a tshirt over her thong. The announcers call Ivory Tori about 5 times which is annoying. It’s over in about a minute as Ivory is stripped. Luna comes out to pull Tori off Ivory.

Rating: N/A. Not enough to grade, but it was just completely pointless.

Lillian is with HHH and Chyna. The booing is so loud you can’t hear Lillian talking. HHH threatens Shawn to stay out of his way or else.

Rock is walking down the hallway towards the ring. Shawn is walking down the hallway towards the ring. Al Snow is still looking for Pepper. Test and Stephanie are congratulated as they leave.

WWF Title: Rock vs. HHH

Like I’ve said, Shawn is guest referee. His shorts are downright absurd. HHH comes out first and I think I like this music more. Rock comes out and they start very fast. It’s HHH getting his head handed to him early on and after a brief comeback, Rock gets him ready for the Rock Bottom. He doesn’t get it though because he has to drag HHH to the middle of the ring so the move happens at a good camera angle.

Pedigree misses too, so that’s 1-1 on missed finishers. They brawl up on the ramp for awhile with Rock just beating the heck out of him. They brawl in front of the announce table and with HBK looking right at them, Chyna low blows Rock. She gets ejected and then spends at least a minute arguing, costing Rock a chance at a can’t miss near fall. I mean really, how rude. Rock could have gotten a solid two there.

Shane comes out as HHH is in control here in the main event of the night of run ins. The rest of the match is mainly Shawn and Shane arguing. Rock starts his comeback as Lawler keeps thinking Shawn is going to screw HHH. Shane finally gets punched. Rock Bottom leads to the elbow, but as he turns to drop it, he gets kicked in the face by Shawn. This is shocking for some reason, despite the fact that HHH and Shawn used to be best friends. Pedigree ends the show as Chyna, Shane, HHH and Shawn celebrate.

Rating: B. By far and away the match of the night. It was like a PPV main event but moving at fast forward speed. It was good and there was a decent flow to it. No one thought Rock had a legit chance at winning, so they did the best they could and it came out pretty well. The chemistry these two had was off the charts to say the least and this was just paving the way for the classics they would have next year.

Overall Rating: B. This is a show that benefited from one thing: it was just an extension of Raw and painted blue. By doing this, it more or less inherits the Raw juggernaut upon being created. This feels like an episode of Raw which means it’s great. If you like WWF at this time, you’ll love this. It’s a packed show, but it never feels rushed, which is a good thing. Find it if you’re interested. It’s not great, but it’s certainly not dull.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews, and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Summerslam 2009
Date: August 23, 2009
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,129
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

Not a lot has changed in the last year other than some names have risen up the card. Jeff Hardy is the Smackdown Champion and is defending tonight against the on fire CM Punk who is now a heel, bragging about how great he is due to being straightedge. We also have Orton vs. Cena #875 although only their second match here at Summerslam. It’s a decent looking card on paper so let’s get to it.

The opening video is set up like a movie theater, but DX takes it over by making shadow puppets on the screen. Shawn wins by putting up Abraham Lincoln. They finally break the projector but Shawn says he can fix it. He turns it into a DX highlight video but breaks the camera one more time.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler

Rey is defending after a long but awesome feud with Jericho. Ziggler pounds him down into the corner before getting two off a powerslam. Dolph throws him over his shoulders to the top but Rey bounces off with a moonsault press for two. Out to the floor and a cameraman is taken out via I think a hurricanrana. Back in and Ziggler catches (kind of) a rana off the top in a buckle bomb for two to take over.

We hit the chinlock before Dolph gets two off a side slam. The jumping elbow gets two and it’s back to the chinlock. Back up and Rey drop toeholds him into the corner before, only to have his head taken off by a clothesline for another near fall. A fireman’s carry gutbuster gets two and it’s back to the chinlock. Rey fights up again and hits a hard kick to the head for a near fall of his own. Dolph comes back with a dropkick to take down a flying Mysterio for two more as these covers are getting very hot.

Back up and Rey tries to roll up Ziggler’s body into a sunset flip but Ziggler falls onto him for two. A wicked clothesline gets two more for the challenger but Rey kicks him into 619 position, only to have Ziggler drop to the floor. Back in and the Fameasser gets two for Dolph but Rey gets the same off a sunset flip.

Rey hits a kind of tornado DDT for two more and an armdrag sets up the 619 but Ziggler avoids the springboard splash. Ziggler gets a quick near fall off the miss and the fans are split on who to cheer for. A kick to Rey’s head sends him to the apron so Ziggler loads up a top rope gutbuster, only to have Rey counter into a hurricanrana in mid air to retain the title.

Rating: B+. Excellent opener here with Ziggler being able to go move for move with one of the best high fliers of all time. It was clear that Dolph was going to be a big deal and this was a great example of why. Rey was on fire at this point but he would be derailed by a Wellness violation a few weeks later, forcing him to drop the title to John Morrison.

Jack Swagger and MVP are in the back. Swagger says his match with MVP tonight is a culture clash between the All American American and an ex-con. MVP is nothing but a stepping stone but MVP says he made some bad decisions. Tonight he’s teaching Swagger a lesson and the teacher is an MVP.

Jack Swagger vs. MVP

MVP jumps over Swagger in the corner and hits a quick clothesline for two to start. Swagger rolls to the floor to avoid the Ballin Elbow, only to be caught by a suicide dive. Back in and Swagger gets in some shots to the ribs to take over followed by a forearm to the back. MVP counters another shot with an elbow to the face, only to get caught in an abdominal stretch.

A hard clothesline puts MVP down for two and it’s off to a camel clutch. MVP stands up and breaks the hold with an electric chair for two. This is really basic stuff and the fans aren’t all that thrilled. Back up and MVP pops him in the jaw with a right hand, setting up the Ballin Elbow for two. A big boot in the corner sets up the Playmaker for the pin on Swagger.

Rating: D. The match wasn’t even that bad but it was very dull. Neither guy did anything special out there and it was about six minutes of boring, yet acceptable, wrestling. Swagger would go on to a world title the following year for reasons no one can quite fathom while MVP would do nothing of note for the rest of his WWE run.

Luke Perry is here.

Video on celebrities guest hosting Raw. Did we really have to relive this stupid idea?

Nancy O’Dell from Access Hollywood is here to talk about her ALS charity. No one cares. At all. She interviews Freddy Prinze Jr., one of the recent guest hosts. O’Dell sounds like any other celebrity who has never watched a wrestling show before.

Tag Titles: Chris Jericho/Big Show vs. Cryme Tyme

Jericho and Show (I can’t stand those combined names) are defending and the belts are unified at this point, meaning the champions have two belts apiece. Jericho says he and Show are the real celebrities here tonight and that’s about it. JTG (how is he still employed in 2013? Seriously, I want an answer to that) starts against Jericho and a nice flip neckbreaker gets two on Chris. A quick Walls attempt is countered and JTG hits a middle rope leg lariat for two.

Todd Grisham: “They bring the right kind of flava eh JR?” JR: “Flava? Like barbecue or cheddar?” Off to Big Show who knocks JTG into the corner and puts on a hard headlock. JTG gets up a pair of boots in the corner before bringing in the much bigger Shad Gaspard. Jericho charges in but gets caught in a gorilla press. The distraction is enough to let Show run Shad over to take control again. A hard chop in the corner puts Shad down and it’s back to the Canadian.

Shad gets in a jawbreaker but Jericho is smart enough to knock JTG to the floor before there’s a hot tag. Show puts on a full nelson but throws Gaspard down to bring Jericho back in. We hit the chinlock before Shad fights up and hits a powerslam to put both guys down. The hot tag brings in JTG but the fans don’t care at all. Everything breaks down and a clothesline sends Shad and Show to the floor. JTG is put in the Walls but makes the rope, only to be knocked out by Big Show to retain the titles.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but I don’t think anyone believed the titles were in jeopardy. Cryme Tyme was a fun team (on occasion) but most of the time they were jobbers to the stars. Jericho and Big Show at least gave the tag titles some fresh life for a few months so I can’t complain about them all that much. The match was standard stuff though.

Punk has a screenplay called the Jeff Hardy Story. In the movie, Jeff survives and beats Punk tonight in the TLC match. That’s as phony as everyone here in LA, where the only real person is Punk himself. Punk goes on a rant against America’s obsession with cool pop culture and says no one makes movies about him because he doesn’t support the Hollywood lifestyle. Punk is FEELING IT here.

Kane vs. Great Khali

Here’s a Wrestlemania rematch that no one was asking for. Kane is the heel here and has attacked Khali’s brother a few times before this. Khali shoves him into the corner to start and throws Kane out to the floor. Back in and Khali clotheslines him down but misses a legdrop, allowing Kane to hit a low dropkick for two. Both guys break up chokeslams and Khali takes over again.

He pounds Kane on the mat for two and hits a hard chop in the corner. Khali charges (and I use that word loosely) into a boot in the corner, allowing Kane to hit the top rope clothesline for two. We hit the chinlock before Khali makes a slow motion comeback and chops Kane down for two. Kane pulls Runjin Singh (Khali’s brother) in and the distraction lets Kane dropkick Khali’s knee. A bad looking DDT is enough for Kane to get the pin.

Rating: D-. Erg why do they keep doing these battles of the giants when they know they’re going to suck? Khali was getting so slow at this point and it was easy to see where the insults about his abilities were coming from. Kane would float around for most of the next year until he saved Undertaker and won the world title as a result.

Slash, Robert Patrick and Maria Menunos are here.

We recap DX vs. Legacy. Rhodes and DiBiase had been destroying HHH for months so he made a call to Shawn. HHH then had to get Shawn out of his job as a short order cook (don’t ask) and tonight is the big reunion match against Legacy.

Legacy vs. D-Generation X

DX comes in on a tank, trailing behind a bunch of soldiers on an Army jeep. Ok points for an AWESOME entrance. HHH starts with DiBiase as Ted fires off right hands in the corner. They have even less effect than you would expect so HHH suplexes him down and drops a knee for two. Off to Cody who walks into the high knee to the face from the Game and slaps Shawn as a result. Shawn gets the tag to a big pop but gets slapped again after running the ropes a bit.

Fed up, Shawn tackles Cody down but gets pounded in the face a few more times. Shawn comes back with a Thesz Press and right hands to another big reaction. The Band is tuned up but Cody bails to the floor and comes back in to a headlock. A belly to back suplex puts Shawn down and it’s off to DiBiase to keep up the punching motif. Ted slams him down to stay on Shawn’s back but Michaels gets a quick neckbreaker for a breather.

The hot tag brings in HHH to clean part of the house but Cody breaks up a Pedigree attempt. Everything breaks down and HHH backdrops Michaels over the top and onto Cody. Ted gets in a cheap shot on HHH to take over, meaning we’re in for a long one here. Legacy takes over o the Game in the corner and the double teaming begins. DiBiase hooks a long chinlock, but HHH keeps fighting to get to Shawn. See how easily that can be done? Instead of just laying on the mat until it was time for the comeback, HHH is constantly moving and trying to keep the fans alive. That’s such a lost art and it’s rather sad.

Anyway HHH suplexes out of the hold but Cody comes in with a DDT to stop the tag to Michaels. Off to a front facelock and of course this time HHH lays on the mat after I praised him for one of the few times after the year 2000. HHH powers out of the hold but DiBiase breaks up another hot tag. You know HHH isn’t going to stand for that for very long so he launches Ted over the top and out to the floor and finally makes the tag to Shawn.

House is really cleaned now with Shawn picking Rhodes apart. The atomic drop sets up the flying forearm but DiBiase breaks up the nipup attempt. Everything breaks down and HHH sends DiBiase into the stands as Cody goes up, only to miss a top rope elbow. Shawn loads up his own elbow but gets crotched down onto the buckle. He can still block a superplex though and now the elbow launches, only to hit Cody’s knee. Shouldn’t that hurt the leg a lot more than Shawn?

There’s no DiBiase to tag so Shawn gets up and puts on a Figure Four, only to have DiBiase make the save. HHH can’t hit a Pedigree as Cody takes him down and actually hits Cross Rhodes on Shawn for two. Now a Pedigree connects on Cody but DiBiase hits Dream Street (cobra clutch slam) on Shaw. HHH and Ted fight on the floor as both guys are down in the ring. Both guys get up at the same time and it’s Sweet Chin Music to knock Cody senseless for the collapsing pin from Shawn.

Rating: B+. Another excellent match here with all four guys working the tag team formula to perfection. Shawn continues to be able to time a comeback like no one ever could and HHH was clicking tonight. Legacy looked great and would actually beat DX in the next month’s match. I was surprised by how well the rookies looked here and DX actually had to sweat a bit here. I wouldn’t say they were in jeopardy but it wasn’t an easy win by any stretch.

ECW Title: Christian vs. William Regal

Christian is defending. Remember Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry going 32 seconds last week? This is a quarter of that as Christian grabs the Killswitch as Regal is taking his robe off for the pin to retain.

Post match Regal’s heavies Vladimir Kozlov and Ezekiel Jackson lay out Christian so Regal can put on the Regal Stretch.

Video on the Summerslam festivities in Los Angeles.

We recap Orton vs. Cena. Orton has dominated the year and Cena is the latest guy to try to take the title. Not much here but do these two really need a backstory?

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending. Cena takes him down with a front facelock but Orton counters into a hammerlock. Randy takes him into the corner and kicks at the ribs a bit, cuing a Cena comeback with rights and lefts. Orton comes back with an elbow to the face and his VERY slow stomping. This is the main criticism of Orton around this time: he wrestled in slow motion and it makes for very dull matches. The big knee drop to the chest gets two.

Cena comes back with some right hands but walks into the backbreaker for two. We hit the chinlock and the dueling chants begin. Cena finally powers up and initiates his finishing sequence. The Shuffle connects but Orton escapes the FU into the powerslam (NOT A SCOOP SLAM COLE, YOU STUPID STUPID MAN!) for two. Orton misses a knee drop but Cena’s shoulder block only hits air, sending him out to the floor. The Elevated DDT is good for two as Orton keeps things slow.

Cena gets in another shot and pops up top for the Fameasser, good for two. Orton grabs the ropes to block the FU and a double clothesline puts them both down. They slug it out with Cena taking over and speeding things up, but Orton shoves the referee for the LAME DQ. To be fair though it was the first fast paced thing he did all match.

Lillian, Rhodes Scholar that she is, calls Cena the new champion before saying Vince gave her word that the match restarts and if Orton gets DQ’d again he loses the title. This would be an entirely pointless bit that stopped the match cold. Back in and Orton takes over before whipping Cena into the steps. Orton slams him down and goes to get the title and walk out. We get the same announcement and the match continues again.

Back in and the STF, RKO and FU are all countered and Orton grabs a rollup with his feet on the ropes for the pin. As you might expect, we’re STILL not done as a second referee comes out and tells the first what happened. So on the third restart Cena puts on the STF but a “fan” runs in for a distraction, stopping things cold again. Cena walks around with his hands on his hips but Orton comes in and hits an RKO to retain the title. For real this time.

Rating: D. On top of the INSANE overbooking, the match was really boring with Orton being his usual slow self. These two would feud forever and trade the title back and forth. The matches would get better but people were sick of seeing them fight at the end. This match was a great example of how overthinking can screw up a match. Brett DiBiase was the fan but that was never acknowledged on TV and I don’t think it was ever addressed again.

We recap the main event. This is a pure culture clash with Jeff Hardy being the free spirit and Punk being the serious straightedge guy who lives a very strict life. Punk cashed in MITB against Hardy at Extreme Rules but Jeff won the title back two months later. This gets the music video treatment with a song featuring lyrics of “I don’t want to be like you.” Nice touch.

Smackdown World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk

TLC match here. They fight over a lockup to start until Punk takes him into the corner for some knees to the chest. He stomps Hardy down and throws him to the floor before grabbing the first chair. A shot to the ribs and back allows Punk to go up but Hardy makes a quick save. Hardy stomps him down in the corner and hits the slingshot dropkick before going up. This time it’s Punk making the save but Hardy sends him into the ladder to put both guys down.

Back up and Hardy loads up Poetry in Motion but Punk drops him onto the open chair to take over. A series of ladder shots to the back have Hardy in big trouble. Punk sends him to the floor and hits a suicide dive but misses a chair shot. Hardy sends him into the post and gets in a chair shot to the elbow to take over. This is a slower paced match so far which is usually the best way to go about TLC matches. Now Poetry In Motion hits against the barricade and Punk is in trouble.

Hardy puts him on a table but Punk moves before Hardy can splash him through it, sending Hardy down in a big crash. We get another ladder in the ring as JR calls this a carcinogenic match. Punk goes up but Jeff literally jumps over him to go after it himself, only to get caught in an electric chair, only to counter that into a sunset bomb to put both guys down. The champion goes up first but Punk shoves him onto the corner in a SCARY landing with Jeff’s leg hitting the rope.

Punk says on him with a superplex onto the ladder in another cringe inducing landing. Somehow Jeff snaps off a quick Twist of Fate but the Swanton hits knees. Punk hits the running knee in the corner but the bulldog is countered by Hardy throwing Punk over the top and through a table. Jeff starts to climb but Punk is back up to dropkick Hardy off the ladder. They head outside with Punk’s knees being sent into the steps, allowing Hardy to go NUTS on Punk with a chair.

Hardy loads up a table next to the ring and this Punk in the head with part of the announce table and a monitor. A chair shot puts Punk down again as Hardy is in full control. Jeff sets up the big ladder and hits an INSANE Swanton Bomb through Punk through the announce table. That looked NUTS but the crash was great. Both guys are checked on as the stretcher is brought out. Hardy is taken out but Punk is crawling towards the ladder. Jeff gets off the stretcher and goes after Punk, only to be kicked off the ladder in another big crash, giving Punk the title.

Rating: A-. This was an excellent war with a great story being told: Punk played it safe while Hardy lived for the moment and lost the title as a result. The Swanton spot looked amazing and it was the last straw for Hardy as he just couldn’t keep getting up from all these crashes. Awesome match here and a great bit of storytelling.

Punk stands over Hardy with the title in the air and the lights go off. A gong strikes and the lights come up with Undertaker in Hardy’s place. He hits a huge chokeslam on Punk and poses on the stage to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. There’s some bad stuff on here but the good stuff far outweighs it. Its biggest problem is the Orton vs. Cena match which was slow and dull leading up to the STUPID ending. The other big matches delivered though and the opener is excellent. The show is worth watching, but pop in the Cena vs. Orton match from Breaking Point instead. Good show here that could have been a classic with a better Raw Title match.

Ratings Comparison

Dolph Ziggler vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Jack Swagger vs. MVP

Original: C

Redo: D

Chris Jericho/Big Show vs. Cryme Tyme

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Kane vs. Great Khali

Original: D+

Redo: D-

D-Generation X vs. Legacy

Original: A

Redo: B+

William Regal vs. Christian

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

Redo: D

CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy

Original: A

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: B

The Cena vs. Orton match carries or sinks this show depending on how you look at it.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/12/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2009-punk-in-another-main-event-3/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling book as low as $4 at:

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: November 28, 2006
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s finally the go home show for December to Dismember which means this is the end of an era in ECW. After this, the last of the terrible ECW stuff ends and we get into the real WWECW, meaning the quality goes way up. The main event tonight is Lashley vs. Big Show, which you would think would have gotten more of a build. Let’s get to it.

We open with Heyman, flanked by his security, in the ring to talk about the Chamber. He explains the rules of the match to us including telling us that each pod will contain a weapon. The new information for us tonight is what those weapons will be. The weapons will include a chair, a crowbar, a table, and a barbed wire ball bat and we get a demonstration of each. Oh man they knew this was going to SUCK.

Theme song.

RVD knows he might not walk out of the Chamber but the chance of being ECW Champion again makes the risk worth it.

Sabu vs. Rob Van Dam

Sabu says that he’ll sacrifice anything to be ECW Champion. Yeah he talks here, why do you ask? Feeling out process to start until Van Dam takes him down with a monkey flip for two. Sabu wisely grabs a leg but Van Dam arm drags him down for two more. Sabu’s top rope rana doesn’t work as Rob hangs onto the top rope before scooting down the rope to sit in the middle of it. Sabu tries a springboard dive but Van Dam jumps off the ropes into a cross body in a great midair collision.

We take a break and come back with Van Dam landing on the apron but not being able to suplex Sabu to the apron. Sabu tries a sunset bomb but Van Dam holds the ropes, sending Sabu crashing to the floor. A moonsault over the ropes mostly misses Sabu but Van Dam still gets two off a German suplex. Sabu takes the knee out and hits a springboard legdrop tot he back of Van Dan’s head. A slingshot legdrop misses though and Rob connects with Rolling Thunder. Back up and Sabu hits some springboard shots to the face for two but Van Dam blocks a springboard tornado DDT, setting up the Five Star for the pin.

Rating: D. The chemistry was really lacking here for two guys who have worked together as much as these two have. Sabu didn’t botch that much stuff so this would be considered a good performance for him. He’s so much better when he he keeps the crazy stuff to a minimum but the match never clicked here.

Video on Big Show vs. Lashley.

Hardy Boys vs. Elijah Burke/Sylvester Terkay

Terkay is a big MMA style guy who never did much in America. Jeff and Burke get things going with Hardy taking Elijah down with a headscissors. Off to Matt for a top wristlock won by Matt before Jeff comes back in with a dropkick for two. Terkay comes in and drills Jeff with a slam but misses a hard charge into the post. Matt comes in with a Side Effect for Burke and some clotheslines for Terkay. The Hardys double team Terkay down and hit Poetry in Motion, followed by the Twist/Swanton for the pin.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here but it wasn’t terrible. At the end of the day the Hardys were slumming it in ECW until they were ready for their real reunion tour on Raw and Samckdown. The match wasn’t anything of note but then again neither were Burke or Terkay in WWE at all.

Post match MNM, the Hardys’ opponents on Sunday, run in and lay out the brothers.

Some fans in Augusta (PPV site) are ready for the PPV. There was a press conference which is pathetic given how laughable the PPV has been. Note that there are a total of two matches announced and we’re five days from the show.

CM Punk vs. Test

Test pounds him down in the corner to start but Punk fires off forearms of his own. They head to the floor where Test is sent into the post before going back inside for a springboard clothesline from Punk. Test comes back with a tilt-a-whirl slam and a chinlock but Punk sends him to the floor for a suicide dive. Punk sends him into the steps and they fight into the crowd for the double countout.

Rating: D+. If this sounded like it had no transitions and was just move after move, that’s exactly what it was. Test was such a generic heel at this point that there wasn’t much you could do with him. He reminds me of TNA’s Gunner during the period where Gunner was Mr. Intensity. There’s nothing to that and it’s really hard to get invested in a character like him.

Heyman tries to talk Big Show out of the match with Lashley but Show keeps walking.

We recap the Hardys’ match and beatdown by MNM. MNM says that was just a sample of how baller they are. Nitro’s words, not mine.

Another video on the Chamber.

Bobby Lashley vs. Big Show

Non-title of course. Lashley pounds away to start but Show comes back with a quick clothesline to take him down. A suplex does the same and Show follows it up with a superkick for no cover. Show continues his slow lumbering offense before going to the middle rope, allowing Lashley to suplex him down. The spear puts Show down but Heyman calls in his security for the DQ.

Rating: D. Big Show was such a disaster at this point and he was in desperate need of some time off to heal up and lose weight. The match was slow and dull with the majority being spent on Big Show walking around and waiting to do anything of note. The match just sucked as a result, much like a lot of ECW stuff around this time.

Test comes in to join in on the beatdown as Big Show hits a chokeslam. Heyman slaps Lashley over and over and Big Show knocks him out with the belt. Show covers him and Heyman counts a pin to end the show.

Overall Rating: F+. Oh man they knew December to Dismember was going to be terrible. Literally there are two matches announced and the rest of the show isn’t going to be announced until the show itself. As I said, the show is going to be a turning point for the brand and things won’t be the same afterwords. This show was terrible with everything being about the Chamber which did nothing to make me interested in the show at all. Absolutely awful all around with nothing of value at all.

Here’s December to Dismember if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2010/12/25/merry-christmas-have-some-december-to-dismember/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: November 21, 2006
Location: Nassau Coliseum, New York City, New York
Attendance: 10,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Taz

I’ve really got to stop these five month breaks between reviewing shows. The main story here is we’re a week from Survivor Series and two weeks from December to Dismember. Yeah there was a week between PPVs and WWE was still surprised when the ECW show bombed. Tonight we finalize some plans for the Extreme Elimination Chamber match with RVD defending his spot against Hardcore Holly. Let’s get to it.

We open with Heyman narrating a video on Lashley jumping Hardcore Holly to take the last spot in the Extreme Elimination Chamber and taking Big Show down.

In a special treat tonight, the Hardy Boys will reunite.

Matt Striker has his classroom set up in the ring and says that we don’t have to wait for December to Dismember to see destruction. He compares his time as a teacher to Lashley’s tour of duty in the military but gets cut off by his opponent.

Bobby Lashley vs. Matt Striker

Lashley clears the classroom stuff out of the ring, including launching a DESK over his head. I’m talking about one of the big desks, not a school desk. Striker finally comes into the ring and is tossed around like a doll. A delayed vertical suplex sets up a spear and the Dominator ends Striker quick.

We get a clip of Jeff retaining the IC Title over Johnny Nitro in a ladder match last night.

Hardy Boys vs. Full Blooded Italians

Matt starts with Guido and cranks on the arm. It’s quickly off to the banged up Jeff to stay on the arm. The Hardys take turns cranking on the Italian’s limb before dropping Guido with a double back elbow. Tony Mamaluke comes in, only to walk into the Spin Cycle to put him down as well. Trinity, the Italians’ barely clothed manager, trips Jeff up to put him in trouble for the first time.

Mamaluke and Guido drop a double elbow on Jeff for two and it’s the Italians’ turn for some double teaming. Jeff finally fights up and hits a double dropkick to set up the hot tag to Matt. House is cleaned and the middle rope legdrop gets two on Guido. The Side Effect to Mamaluke sets up a middle rope powerbomb/neckbreaker combo to kill him dead. Matt lays Mamaluke out with the Twist and the Swanton is good for the pin.

Rating: C. Just a glorified squash here but there were a few dollars to be made off a Hardys reunion run so I can’t blame them for taking a shot here. The team still looked good together and were much more dangerous given their singles success around this time. The Mamalukes could have been any two guys and had the same result.

Heyman tells Van Dam that if he loses to Holly tonight, Holly gets his Chamber spot.

CM Punk vs. Kevin Thorn

Punk tries a go behind but Thorn pounds him down with ease instead. CM comes back with some kicks to the ribs, only to be dropped throat first on the top rope for his efforts. A backbreaker gets two for Thorn and it’s off to an early chinlock. Thorn transitions to a Boston crab as Kelly Kelly comes out to cheer Punk on. The cheering works as Punk slips through his legs and hooks the Anaconda Vice for the quick submission.

Post match Kelly celebrates with Punk but Ariel comes in for a catfight. Punk makes the save and the good people stand tall. Mike Knox stares them down from the ramp.

Here are Big Show and Heyman with something to say. Show talks about how dangerous the Chamber is going to be while using words like barbaric and brutality. He’s up against five challengers in the match but he likes his odds. No one from Undertaker to Flair to Batista has been able to beat him….and here’s Lashley. Bobby is ready to go but Show walks away, only to slug Lashley down. He loads up the WMD but Lashley beats him to the punch and sends him to the floor. Lashley wants to fight but Heyman holds him back.

Video on the EVILS of the Chamber.

Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly

This is extreme rules and the winner goes to the Chamber. Before the match, Test fires Holly up in the back in a pointless moment. Were they running 15 seconds short or something? They slug it out to start with Rob taking over and kicking Holly in the head. Rolling Thunder gets two on Holly and Van Dam takes him to the floor for the spin kick to the back. We take a break and come back with Rob catapulting Holly into the bottom rope and hitting a spinwheel kick in the corner.

Rob stalks Holly but gets launched head first into a chair wedged between the ropes during the break. Holly stomps the chair onto Rob’s face for two and a hot shot onto the chair gets the same. Off to a chinlock for a bit but Van Dam comes back with a Stunner over the top rope to put Holly down. Van Dam tries to bring in another chair but Holly dropkicks him right back to the floor. Back in again and Hardcore puts the chair over Rob’s face for a guillotine legdrop, crushing Van Dam’s face.

Holly can’t follow up due to banging his leg on the chair and both guys are down. It’s Holly up first and stealing the timekeeper’s belt to give Rob a whooping. Van Dam knocks it out of his hands and kicks Holly in the face to get himself a breather. They slug it out with Rob taking over before superkicking Holly down.

A monkey flip sets up a top rope kick to the chest followed by the skateboard chair shot to the face. Rolling Thunder onto the chair gets two but Holly pelts the chair at Van Dam’s head to put him back down. Holly gets crotched on the top and superplexed down onto the chair, followed by the Five Star onto the chair for the pin.

Rating: C+. This started slow but got better in the end. As usual in ECW, the heels being very weak make these matches hard to get into. I mean, I’m supposed to believe Hardcore Holly is going to beat Rob Van Dam? Anyway, Holly was trying and the weapon shots weren’t bad, but the guys in the ring made it too hard to buy into.

Overall Rating: C. This wasn’t a bad show and they’re doing a good job of setting up the Chamber. Sabu and Test were barely here at all and RVD and Punk have their own stories going on instead of the Chamber, but Lashley is a monster who could hang with Big Show. By this point it’s clear that this is the WWE version of ECW instead of the original and thank goodness for that.

Here’s Survivor Series if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/11/12/survivor-series-count-up-2012-redo-2006-man-this-year-sucked/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 2, 2012
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re in the second half of the year now with Raw again. We have four MITB contestants so far and there’s a rumor of a fifth showing up. I believe it’ll be a former champion but it’s hard to say given how this company keeps its stipulations straight. Lesnar is supposed to be here tonight too so we’ll get more of him vs. HHH. This is one of those shows that is going to be used to build towards the PPV. Let’s get to it.

After more technical difficulties, here’s Cena to open things up. He talks about how last week was his crash course in MITB because you never know when someone is going to come and break things up. He’ll win the case and the title and all the stuff you would expect him to say. Cue Bryan chanting YES. Cena: “See? Even Bryan agrees with me.” Bryan says he’ll win the title at MITB so Cena won’t be the next champion.

Cue Punk who says he disagrees with Bryan’s claim that he’ll win. He asks people if they disagree with Bryan, getting a lot of YES chants. For some reason only Cena has had theme music so far. Punk says that Bryan’s ex-girlfriend will be counting the shoulders down, and then it’s Punk vs. Cena all over again. Cue Jericho (with music) who says he’s tired of people stealing his catchphrases. Bryan cuts him off and is told to shut up as only Jericho can say it.

Jericho welcomes us to Raw Is Jericho and says that after tonight no one will evvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvver be the same again. He says he’ll win MITB and dares anyone to come out and say otherwise, and of course he’s Kane. Kane says otherwise in something that made me chuckle. Cue Big Show and it’s a big brawl. Kane beats on Jericho and Cena goes after Big Show while Bryan and Punk are both going to the floor. Kane goes after Big Show but Show knocks everyone down.

David Otunga/Cody Rhodes/Prime Time Players vs. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth/Christian/Santino Marella

Christiana nd Young start things off and a middle rope missile dropkick gets two for the Canadian. Off to Truth for his first action in months after a broken foot. Young tries a right hand but gets gyrated at instead. Off to Kofi who hits a middle rope shoulder for two. Boom Drop is broken up by Titus who pulls Darren to the floor. Kofi dives onto Titus but gets clotheslined down by Young as everything breaks down.

We take a break and come back with Cody holding Kofi in a surfboard. AW is mic’d up now for some reason. Titus comes in and slams Kofi for two. Kofi gets in a shot and it’s off to Santino vs. Otunga. Santino hits that quick suplex and a Stunner for two. Everything breaks down again and the Prime Time Players walk off. Santino hits his usual and Cody walks out on Otunga. Cue Brodus Clay of all people as Santino loads up the Cobra. Otunga keeps trying to run but gets thrown into the Cobra for the pin at 6:24. Too short to rate given what we saw but this was organized chaos at its best.

Otunga takes a bunch of finishers post match and we get a big dance party.

Teddy (in charge tonight) is dancing in the back when Alberto and Ricardo come in. Alberto earned his one on one title match and he wants it by Jorge. The Board has said that Alberto gets his title match at MITB but tonight, Alberto has a surprise opponent.

Stephanie talks about her dad getting ready for the 99 Rumble. It was basically a Rocky parody mixed with a way to show off that Vince was in great shape.

Alberto Del Rio vs. ???

Cole talks about how the car was driven here from Alberto’s home near Mexico City. That makes me wonder: how does he get these cars everywhere? Does he have a big fleet of people driving/transporting them all over the country? If so….that’s kind of awesome. The fans GO OFF on Alberto with some Spanish swearing. Here’s the opponent.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sin Cara

Think Cara is popular in south Texas? Cole calls Mexican wrestlers lucha libres. Mike Tenay he is not. Del Rio jumps Cara as he comes into the ring and goes insane on him. The bell hasn’t rung yet. Del Rio destroys Cara on the floor and puts him in the armbreaker so Cara taps. There was no match.

Bryan is in the back and steals a flower from a random bouquet. He comes up to AJ and apologizes, even though AJ has Punk X’s on his hands. She says that’s sweet and of course has nothing to do with the title match at the PPV. Tonight she’s going to win and run into the arms of her soul mate. She destroys the flower and leaves.

Heyman is live via satellite instead of Lesnar being here.

There’s a 20 man battle royal tomorrow on Smackdown. The winner is next week’s GM of Smackdown. Ok then.

After a recap of the Heyman/HHH challenge to Lesnar, we’re told by Heyman that Brock will deliver his answer to HHH in person at the 1000th Raw. Lesnar wants to face HHH at Summerslam but not for the reasons people thing. HHH will do it because he needs money for the lawsuit. Also, it’s his exit strategy for his career, because after this HHH will never be able to wrestle again. After Summerslam, he can be the executive that everyone says went down in a blaze of glory.

Kane vs. Big Show later on in a No DQ match. Heaven help me.

Vickie Guerrero/Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus/AJ

This looks odd on paper but when you think about it all of the connections are there. The guys start us off after Sheamus puts AJ on the apron. Dolph dropkicks him down but gets launched into the air soon thereafter. A running ax handle gets two for the champ but Dolph takes him down into a chinlock. Sheamus breaks that up and hits White Noise. He loads up the Brogue Kick but Dolph tags Vickie before it can hit. Sheamus kicks his head off to send him to the floor and AJ comes in. Shining Wizard kills Vickie at 3:27.

Rating: C-. This was VERY short but DANG that Shining Wizard was awesome. AJ continues to be insane but it looks like we’re heading up to the payoff at MITB which is the right play. This was barely long enough to grade and I’m not sure what the point was in basically destroying Ziggler like that. Still though, that Shining Wizard was awesome.

AJ does the YES chant and heads to the back. She finds Punk who is on the phone with his sister. He missed the match and AJ is crushed.

We get a video of Slater’s destruction at the hands of old people, leading to this.

Heath Slater vs. Doink The Clown

This is basically a squash with Slater hitting his spinning sleeper mat slam (didn’t that have a name?) for the pin at 1:20.

Post match, here’s DDP to a BIG reaction and a Diamond Cutter.

Video on John Cena and Alicia Fox visiting sick/injured troops.

Kane vs. Big Show

This is No DQ. Show controls to start and sends Kane to the floor. He pulls Kane up from the floor BY HIS HEAD, onlyt o knocks Kane back to the floor again. Show misses a charge into the barricade but he throws Kane into the steps to take over. They fight over a chokeslam onto the announce table but Show superkicks him down instead. Show brings a chair in but walks into a DDT for two. The top rope clothesline misses but Kane grabs the chair. Show spears him down and chokeslams Kane onto the chair for the pin at 3:44.

Rating: D+. This was probably the best possible idea for them: keep things short. This wasn’t horrible but I’m not sure what the point of the stipulation was. It came out of nowhere, but to be fair it probably made the match as watchable as it was. These two have never had good chemistry together so keeping it short was probably their best option.

Teddy runs into Eve in the back and she sucks up to him. Teddy gives her a nametag in a funny bit. She rips it up and runs into AJ, telling her to leave the mind games to the big girls and telling AJ to go sit in the corner and cry. AJ wants to know who Eve is going to brown nose next. Eve will do anything to get attention, so AJ says she’ll show everyone how to do just that.

DX invading WCW was a big deal as well. This one actually was.

Tyson Kidd vs. Tensai

Tensai takes him into the corner and fires off the headbutts but misses a charge. Kidd rolls him up……AND GETS THE PIN AT 20 SECONDS???? WOW.

Tensai beats up Sakamoto post match.

Jericho and Bryan debate jackets and a catchphrase duel breaks out. YES vs. EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVER is hilarious.

Punk tells Cena to follow his lead out there.

Tensai destroys Kidd in the locker room.

Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan vs. CM Punk/John Cena

Punk and Bryan start things off. They speed things up of course and Punk takes control. He sends Bryan into the corner and it’s a double tag. Cena dominates Jericho as he is known to do, knocking him off the apron as we take a break. Back with Jericho getting two on Cena and taunting him for not being able to tag Punk. The Lionsault misses but Bryan breaks up the tag again.

The corner dropkick gets two for Bryan and it’s off to Jericho again. The dueling chants begin but Jericho blocks the fisherman’s suplex. The AA is countered into a DDT but Cena fires Jericho into the corner to put both guys down. There’s the diving tag to Punk, who comes in with a springboard clothesline to take over on the fresh Bryan. Powerslam gets two and Bryan gets put in the Vice. Jericho FINALLY makes a save but Cena fights him up the aisle and into the back.

Punk and Bryan are the legal guys left, as well as the only two still in the ring. Bryan moonsaults out of the corner but gets caught in a sunset flip for two. Bryan starts firing off the kicks and a big one to the head gets two. Bryan goes up but gets superplexed down for another two. And here’s AJ to skip around the ring. No one looks at her so she gets on the apron as Bryan fires off kicks to Punk.

No one looks at her still so she gets down as the guys hit cross bodies at the same time. AJ goes under the ring and pulls out….a table? She sets it up at ringside and very slowly climbs the steps. AJ goes up top but Bryan gets in front of the table. Punk gets up on the ropes to stop her as well, so she kisses him. Then she shoves him through Bryan through the table and starts a YES chant. The match ends at we’ll say 17:30.

Rating: B. The match was great and while the ending was confusing, it’s certainly intriguing. This certainly keeps things interesting as she still hasn’t picked anyone. She’s the most interesting character in the company right now by far, because in short you don’t know what she (AJ for you idiots out there) is going to do next. Good ending to a good match.

Overall Rating: C. The first hour was similar to having a blind monk with Parkinson’s Disease brand me with an iron while Chinese torture masters ripped out my fingernails. The second hour was better, to the point where I was really getting into things before the show ended. Kidd pulling off that upset was the perfect move as it gives him even more momentum going into the PPV. In short, very good second hour, pretty bad first hour.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

Why do so many people think this match isn’t happening?  You need seven people for the match right?  Here are some options:Rhodes

Sandow

Ambrose

Sin Cara

Rey Mysterio

Khali

Cesaro

Langston

Big Show

Fandango

Miz

Barrett

Axel

R-Truth

There are a TON of people you could throw in there.  Why do so many people think it’s not happening?

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: June 13, 2006
Location: Sovereign Bank Arena, Trenton, New Jersey
Attendance: 5,100
Commentators: Joey Styles, Taz

So this is the debut of ECW on Sci-Fi which I found online out of boredom. Since I’m getting dangerously close to the end of the ECW PPVs, I figured I’d do the first and last shows of ECW on Sci-Fi and TNN just for the heck of it. This show is considered a miserable failure so let’s find out why. The main event is a battle royal to determine who fights Cena at Vengeance. ECW came back officially two days before this so it’s brand new and this is the big debut. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the second One Night Stand which was where the If Cena Wins We Riot sign debuted. Cena says he’ll be on ECW tonight, thereby killing ECW on its opening night. This was supposed to be the real ECW but you could tell that was never going to happen a few seconds after it debuted.

Heyman opens us up here and brings out RVD. They even have the hole in the brick wall entryway. RVD is WWE Champion here, having won it two nights ago. His voice reminds me of a less depressed Vin Diesel for some reason. They keep saying he’s the champion without saying WWE. Heyman declares him the ECW World Champion. Taz says no one knows what RVD is feeling. I think that should say no one knows why RVD never won the title in the original ECW. He says he’s just going to defend both titles. Van Dam wants the other one because it spins.

And here’s the #1 contender: Edge. Edge is ok because he could have made it in the original ECW I think. He cost Cena the title at Vengeance so he’s WAY over. Edge spears him after complimenting him. He goes through the crowd and Cena is behind him. RVD and Cena fight over who gets to beat up Edge. This of course allows Edge to escape. And remember, this is ECW. Pay no attention to the argument going on over the WWE Title with WWE guys.

After a house show ad, Heyman gives a speech to the locker room and says they’re invading Raw on Monday. You know it might work better if you didn’t say it on national TV.

The Zombie vs. The Sandman

And this right here is where ECW died completely. Since they could only get on Sci-Fi, they tried to get more sci-fi stuff on the show, hence this. And cue Sandman to not Metallica. Styles and Taz don’t even try to take this seriously. This is like a bad indy show joke or something. Sandman canes the heck out of him to a great pop and the White Russian Leg Sweep ends this in like 10 seconds. Dust flew off of Zombie. No rating obviously.

Kelly is an exhibitionist and wants to take off all of her clothes.

DX is coming back. On ECW. Shoot me. Better yet shoot Heyman as he doesn’t deserve this.

We see the whole Taz destroying King match from the PPV two days ago. It’s a 30 second squash but we see the whole thing, including intros.

Kurt Angle vs. Justin Credible

Angle would be in TNA later this year so what does that tell you about their luck? He had been the big guy sent to ECW to make them credible which to be fair is a good idea since he was in ECW before he was in WWE if you squint really hard when you look at it. Also his personality fits for ECW so it’s not that much of a stretch. Angle of course destroys Justin by throwing him all over the place and treating him like a video game character. Justin shoves him and Angle hits something close to the Tazmission to make him tap in maybe 90 seconds, which is somehow the longest match of the night, tripling the second place offering so far. No rating again obviously. He calls out Orton for a rematch at Vengeance.

Heyman says he’s throwing out everything he had planned and we’re having an extreme battle royal for the shot against Cena at Vengeance.

Read the Rise and Fall of ECW.

An unnamed character (Kevin Thorn) looks up at the ECW sign as Joey and Tazz say he couldn’t be what they think he is (vampire).

Kelly comes out to strip for us. She only has one name so far. She gets down to her underwear and unhooks her bra and puts her hands over her chest and leaves. Was there a point to that at all?

Extreme Battle Royal

Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, Big Guido, Little Guido, Stevie Richards, Big Show, Roadkill, Danny Doring, Al Snow, Tony Mamaluke, Balls Mahoney

So despite Heyman saying 10 there are 11. Sure why not. The weapons are all on the floor which completely goes against the logic of a battle royal. Balls has a bad cover of AC/DC. Show has hair here. That’s not something I’m used to. Wait didn’t he get his head shaved before this? Everyone runs from Show and it’s almost impossible to keep track of who is eliminated and who is just running. Roadkill takes a fallaway slam and we go to a break. No one has been eliminated since they all went through the ropes. We get some token weapons shots and I want this to end.

Taz tries to play this off as being more extreme than anything else and I feel sorry for him. Sabu sets up a table. Everyone jumps Show and it does nothing at all. Show puts out Snow. And Doring. Uh Richards too. Might as well say Roadkill too. Balls Mahoney is number five. This is all in a row so I’m not skipping anything. Dreamer goes after Show with something made of metal and of course it does jack. He goes through a table on the floor. It’s Show, the FBI and Sabu. Show puts all three of the non-fake Arabians out in about 45 seconds and then Sabu hits him while he’s on the ropes to win it.

Rating: F. Oh sweet mama this was bad. Show literally eliminated everyone other than Sabu in less than 4 minutes. There’s domination and then there’s this. One of the worst battle royals ever to fittingly close out one of the worst hours ever.

Overall Rating: G. This is one of those weird shows that actually goes beyond failing and blazes new territory. Other than the main event if you want to call it that, the longest match was less than 100 seconds long. One match had a zombie and one was from a PPV so it wasn’t even new. They had no freaking clue what they were doing with this and it showed badly. They more or less redid the whole thing the next week when this bombed so terribly. Not even worth it for the historical value. Terrible show.

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No Way Out 2005
Date: February 20, 2005
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 9,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Taz

Not much to say here. It’s a Smackdown show and we’re in the very last stages of JBL’s title reign as he would lose to Cena at Mania. Other than that we have Cena vs. Angle which is probably for the Mania title shot. I really with they could come up with something more interesting than that, which I guess they have with the Chamber matches. There’s nothing else to talk about in the intro so let’s get to it.

Oh I almost forgot: the main event is a barbed wire steel cage match for the title with JBL vs. Big Show.

The video is about being trapped in the cage and there being no way out. Glad to see them be inventive with these things.

We look at the cage during Cole’s intro and there are certainly no barbs on it. It’s a regular cage with the barbed wire along the top where you climb over. There are no visible barbs there either.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Rey Mysterio/Eddie Guerrero vs. Basham Brothers

The brothers have the belts here. This is the beginning of Eddie’s last major feud with Rey which ended at Summerslam. He would feud with Batista a bit before dying. The Bashams are JBL’s secretaries of defense. Eddie vs. Danny to start us off. Tazz calls Rey a jaguar. That was rather odd. The challengers beat up on the Bashams for a bit as you know that other than a screwy finish there was no way the titles weren’t changing here.

Eddie gets in some trouble and can’t bring in Rey. The Bashams work him over as we talk about the main event some. Ah there’s Rey as things naturally start going faster. Rey gets his bulldog and Cole thinks it’s a DDT. Seriously does he even pay attention? Some twin magic has Rey in trouble again which Cole says is fine due to it being a family tradition.

Rey’s bumping has always been straight up awesome and this is no exception. He makes even basic moves look like he’s being destroyed. Mysterio hits a BIG moonsault to take Doug down for two but he still can’t tag. Crowd isn’t really that into it as I guess they know the formula at this point.

We get a weird bit about Eddie and tag ropes which is supposed to be funny I guess and I do not get it at all. Big double team move that sends Rey down face first and then it turns into a comedy/acrobatic segment with Rey diving all over the place and finally getting a tag. The Bashams beat down Eddie a bit and hit what is more or less a double chokeslam for no cover.

Rey gets back in and it’s a big brawl. Eddie goes to the floor and grabs a title belt but Rey stops him as does the referee. Was there a point to that? He goes for the Frog Splash but rolls through. Doug thinks he crashed (in the words of Marvin the Martian, “where’s the kaboom?” Isn’t that kind of a problem?) and gets rolled up for two. A belt shot from Eddie in all the confusion gives them the belts. Odd ending sequence there.

Rating: C. Not bad but absolutely nothing we haven’t seen a dozen times a year. Rey and Eddie would open Mania in a one on one match which was pretty good. This wasn’t much of a tag match but at least the right team won and at least they had some history so it wasn’t a totally random pairing. Nothing special at all though but the fifteen minutes it got went by fast.

Teddy talks to a producer and says that when Batista gets here (he was debating which brand to come to for his Royal Rumble win title match) to give him whatever he wants. Carlito and the wife of a member of the board comes in and says they hope he signs Batista. It’s a way for Carlito to get Teddy fired which was his big thing. If Teddy doesn’t sign Batista he’s fired apparently.

There is a Smackdown Diva Rookie of the Year contest tonight. Apparently there are enough rookie Divas on Smackdown to warrant a contest and we’re determining it in late February. Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie are the hosts. The first event is an evening gown contest and the first is Joy Giovanni. It makes me want to play Pokemon if nothing else.

Second is Rochelle Loewen who was in Playboy. There’s nothing to this as they walk to the ring and then the next person comes out. Third is Lauren Jones and again no one knows who she is. The hosts don’t like Lauren. The last is Michelle McCool who you may have heard of. The hosts are at the announce table too. This was about as big of a waste of five minutes as you could ask for. Oh and there are two more competitions.

Ad for Mania which is the Hollywood campaign that I always loved. They put some thought into these and they came off far better than most others. This one is Pulp Fiction with Booker T as Samuel L. Jackson and Eddie as John Travolta. I think you know the scene that they’re doing. Booker hands the guy a pair of Mania tickets rather than a gun. They accidentally shoot the guy anyway.

Heidenreich vs. Booker T

No real backstory here other than Heidenreich needed a feud after Taker got done beating him up. This was made after Smackdown apparently when Booker thought Heidenreich was laughing at Booker after a loss. He reads a poem before the match which isn’t very good. It’s kind of hard to get into this as it’s about as thrown onto the card as you could want a match to be.

Basic match to start and Jon (not typing that whole name out every time) talks to himself and hits himself in the head. Pretty back and forth here as Booker hits him a good deal but can’t drop him. Jon wasn’t an invincible guy which more or less took away any fear he would instill in anyone else. Well that and when he raped Cole. Jon takes over and gets a key lock as this is rather uninteresting.

Booker makes a comeback but gets kicked in the face to stop that. And now back to the same hold as he had on before. Booker makes another comeback and hits a superkick to set up the Spinarooni. Jon is sent to the floor where he grabs a chair and blasts Booker in the throat with it for the DQ.

Rating: F+. It was too long, it wasn’t interesting, there was no story, the ending sucked and the wrestling was boring. Why in the world was this on a pay per view? Heidenreich was a pretty big misfire if there ever has been one as he never was interesting or a threat to anyone really. This was a great example of how worthless he was.

Post match Heidenreich covers Booker because he’s insane. Moving on.

Eddie and Rey are celebrating with random faces when Cena comes in. Eddie wants to talk to him alone and offers a nice thing saying if he doesn’t beat Angle it would be understandable. This is a big night tonight because if Cena wins he goes to Mania which is the point of everything. Eddie sounds like he’s about to cry. He says not to tap because it would tick Angle off and that’s Cena’s chance. In other words Cena, you’re not good enough to beat Angle yourself, so make him beat himself. Nice guy that Eddie. No idea what the point of this was.

Cruiserweight Title: Paul London vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Akio vs. Spike Dudley vs. Funaki vs. Shannon Moore

This is a Cruiserweight Open. The idea is a gauntlet match by random draw and the winner is the champion. Everyone comes out in random order and will stand at ringside rather than coming down the aisle. The first pairing is Paul London and Funaki who is champion coming in. Nothing special at all here as they go back and forth a bit. Chavo tries to come in but Spike (the former champion and a heel) drills Funaki in the back and London gets to roll him up for the pin.

Funaki hits Spike so London gets him and we’re down to four in less than two minutes. Shannon Moore is in at #4. More basic stuff here with nothing special going on. Shannon whips London into the corner chest first a few times. London hits two moves, a back elbow and the 450, to get the pin. Wow I hate these matches.

Akio (Jimmy Wang Yang) is in at #5. He beats on the tired London and hooks a chinlock in a freaking cruiserweight match. London has had maybe four moves total in his three wins. London gets a swinging neckbreaker off the top and both guys are down since there isn’t really any difference in how either guy lands. We get the double count and Akio doesn’t make it. I have NEVER seen anyone lose that way before.

So it’s Chavo vs. London for the title. London gets beaten down even more but hits a Dragon Suplex for two. This is probably about over which is what makes this even stupider. London makes a real comeback, hammering away with everything he’s got. A Dropsault gets two and then Chavo rolls him up with the ropes for the title. Chavo was in the ring less than three minutes.

Rating: F. I can’t stand these things. The champion got pinned in less than 100 seconds and the longest “match” was less than three and a half minutes. The pins are WAY too fast to be realistic and you can’t get into any pairing. Also London getting in nothing before the very last match was very stupid. I can’t stand these things and this as no exception.

We see a clip from Smackdown where Batista destroyed JBL’s limo after it almost ran him over on Raw. Show and Batista wanted to go after JBL but he ran away.

Show is worried about the cage. Or maybe he wants to eat a small animal, like a cow.

We actually get a graphic from Tazz explaining that you can win the cage match by pin, submission and escape. Apparently there won’t be access through the door.

Wrestlemania Recall: THE GIMMICK BATTLE ROYAL! That might be the best Mania match of all time ever.

Time for round two of the Rookie Diva stuff. This is the talent competition. They have to reintroduce the contestants. There are only six matches on the card and yet they have to pad it out with THIS? There wasn’t something better to do than to put SIX Cruiserweights in the same match? Joy goes first and her talent is massage so she rubs Torrie’s back. I feel like I’m watching outtakes of NXT.

Rochelle tells jokes. They suck.

Lauren, who is SHORT, dances. Not bad but in essence she strips.

Michelle’s talent is slamming Dawn who has run her mouth the whole time. I’m cracking up at this: a person’s special talent in a competition about being the best in a wrestling company was WRESTLING. WHAT A CONCEPT!

JBL tells Josh that he’s not scared. Who would have guessed Josh is still on the payroll and JBL isn’t? He talks way too long as it’s very clear they’re trying as hard as possible to fill in time.

Luther Reigns vs. Undertaker

No story here. Reigns is part of Angle’s team and they don’t like Undertaker. That’s it. Reigns was just a big power guy that was pretty generic to put it mildly. Mark Jindrak is out there with Reigns. And so much for that as he gets thrown out. This is more time wasting if you didn’t get that. Is there a reason why we had six matches on this card? We get a clip from Smackdown where Reigns hit Taker with a camera just after he beat Jindrak.

Taker is only 12-0 at Mania here so you know it’s a long time ago. Basic striking contest to start and guess who wins there. Reigns gets the turnbuckle pad off but Taker blocks the shot into it. This is your standard big man vs. big man match here. Reigns goes back first into the buckle as I’m kind of surprised Taker is staying in control this long as it’s not something you often see.

Apron legdrop has Luther in real trouble. Ah there’s the low blow to get Taker in trouble so he can make his traditional comeback. His head goes into the buckle and it’s the same spot that got hit by the buckle. Basic power stuff focusing on the head by Luther here as nothing special is going on here at all. There is ZERO heat here as the fans know that Luther isn’t going to win and we’re just waiting for Taker to make his comeback.

Taker gets a jumping….double axe handle to take over. What the heck? When does he do ANYTHING but the clothesline there? Snake eyes are blocked and a big boot takes Luther down. The fans flat out do not care. Chokeslam hits but Tombstone is countered into a reverse DDT. Cole SCREAMS at us that it was a swinging neckbreaker which was Reigns’ finisher and he looks like a total idiot because of it.

Taz calls it the same thing. Seriously are they THAT stupid? He goes for the actual move and Taker counters into a DDT. The Tombstone ends it seconds later. Sweet goodness those announcers are idiots.

Rating: D+. Totally by the book match here which we’ve seen a thousand times from Taker. Reigns never really meant anything at all and would be gone relatively soon and never heard from again. Taker beating up muscle guys who hit their finishers on him is about as standard as you could want from him and this was no exception. Boring match but I’ve seen worse.

Teddy is worried that Batista isn’t here yet.

We get another Mania ad, this one from Basic Instinct with Benoit and Jericho interrogating Stacy. Stacy smokes and makes lesbian jokes about her and Trish which give Jericho and Benoit some, ahem, issues. Christian, who means nothing at this point, is there too. Mae and Moolah come in and flash the interrogators.

Time for the final round of this nonsense. Dawn won’t come out for this one. This is the swimsuit round and they come out to Candace’s music. Joy comes out in a jersey and the others in robes. I don’t think I ever remember seeing Michelle in a swimsuit. Joy is wearing little shorts over a thong and won’t take them off. Rochelle trips but catches herself.

Lauren’s is too big as this isn’t going anywhere at all other than, say it with me, WASTING MORE TIME. Michelle looks good but nothing that special. This is just stupid. Rochelle probably looks best. We poll the audience while we wait on the votes to be tallied. They like Joy, who is the hottest looking overall, best. Joy DOMINATES, getting 65% of the votes. Lauren gets 6%. Rochelle, Joy and Lauren were gone in a few weeks, making this even MORE pointless if that’s possible.

We recap the #1 contender’s tournament where the finals are tonight. In order, Booker beat Eddie, Cena beat Orlando Jordan, Taker and Dupree had a draw and Angle beat Rey, sending him to the finals. Cena beat Booker, setting up Cena vs. Angle for the spot in the title match at Mania. There’s a short thing about Angle vs. Cena too as you can see the star in Cena about to explode.

John Cena vs. Kurt Angle

Cena is the second hottest thing in the world at this point just after Batista. He’s US Champion here also. Angle doesn’t get much of a big hometown pop which says something about his heat gathering abilities. Angle takes him to the mat to start as they’re going to have a lot of time to work with here. He gets a pretty bad belly to belly into what can best be described as a reverse chickenwing which looked pretty awesome.

Cena makes a comeback and knocks Angle to the floor and is booed LOUDLY. They brawl onto the announce table with Cena in control. Release Fisherman’s Suplex gets two. I think the back in the ring aspect was a given there. Angle avoids the FU and hits the floor for a breather. You can see the look in Cena’s eyes and it’s awesome.

He beats Angle down in the corner but Angle reverses and hits a release German into the buckle which was a cool looking spot. We go to a body scissors and Angle loudly calls spots to Cena. I love little things like those for some reason. Angle wrestles him down every time and Cena responds by just punching him. Angle rolls the Germans for two. Cena gets up and hits a spinebuster for two.

FU is reversed into a sunset flip and then a belly to belly as Cena is in trouble again. Angle Slam is reversed and Cena gets a DDT for two. Tazz isn’t sure if Cena winning would be an upset or not. FU is blocked again into the ankle lock and Cena is in big non-trouble as he reverses, sending Angle to the floor. He gets the top rope Fameasser as Angle is getting in for two.

Angle charges at Cena but walks into the FU for a LONG two. Kurt kicks him in the knee and goes after the leg. Angle Slam hits after some submission holds get Angle nowhere. Ankle lock goes on and Cena is in the middle of the ring. Gee do you think he’ll tap? How can you get away with pulling a guy back to the middle after he has the ropes already? I’ve never gotten that.

And Angle shoves the referee down for no adequately explained reason. He grabs Cena’s chain off the corner which is apparently Cena’s pride and joy. Screw that US Title thing. FU hits and amazingly enough that gets the pin as the referee was down before that. Cena winning was a legit surprise here as I think it was still a huge upset. He would lose the US Title to Jordan before the PPV. Yes, Orlando Jordan beat John Cena for a title.

Rating: B. Solid match here but it never quite got into that high gear to make it great. Cena’s match would get about 10 minutes while Angle would have a classic with Shawn that went over twenty. Still though this this was rather good and both guys were working out there. I think that Cena had more skills than Batista but Batista was flat out bigger at this point. Solid match though but I wonder how much of that is because of Angle.

Batista still isn’t here.

The cage is lowered. We need to have a general spam discussion match on PPV one time.

The recap of the main event match talks about Jindrak and Reigns costing Show the title at the Rumble. Show wanted it one on one so we got this. Batista is mentioned here too but not how he fits in here. A lot of this is the same stuff from the earlier package.

Smackdown World Title: JBL vs. Big Show

Basic stuff to start as JBL takes Show down with a flying tackle. He goes up but is afraid of the barbed wire. He tries a cross body and guess how well that goes for him. They’re staying away from the wire so far and it’s just a basic match for the most part here. Show is busted open after eating some cage. Bradshaw in full control here.

He rips the tag rope off the corner and chokes away with it. Show hits something like a superkick to put JBL down. Does Cole have Show’s measurements tattooed on the inside of his eyelids? He can snap those things off like they’re nothing. Powerbomb by Show and JBL is in trouble. The fans chant RVD who was hurt at the time.

Cole says the cage is a carnivore. Why do steel structures always have to have lives of their own in this company? Show gets a slingshot (Cole says monkey flip) into the cage. Here’s Jordan to climb the cage. The Bashams cut through part of the cage but Teddy comes out, saying to leave. Jordan manages to slip some bolt cutters to JBL who pops Show with them and adds the Clothesline From Hell for two.

For some reason there’s more or less no reaction for the kickout from the world champion’s finisher. Chokeslam hits for two as well which gets kind of a reaction but nothing huge. Another chokeslam is blocked though as JBL kicks the little Shows and adds a boot to the face. The door is closed and locked and isn’t eligible for escaping.

Bradshaw climbs up and uses the bolt cutters to cut through some of the wire. Show gets up and knocks them out of his hand. JBL is slammed into the cage a few times as the wire has more or less meant jack so far in this match. Show grabs him by the throat and chokeslams him through the ring, prompting a pretty weak holy expletive chant.

Show finds a safe spot and climbs down but he’s not sure what to do. Some things never change I guess. Instead Show pulls on the chain and lock which he rips apart with his bare hands. Well why mess with what works? He opens the door and climbs to the floor as JBL is declared the winner and still champion. While Show was wasting all kinds of time, JBL climbed through the hole in the ring and hit the floor first to retain. I love that ending because JBL followed the rules perfectly and Show’s reliance on power cost him.

Rating: D+. I REALLY wasn’t impressed here. If this was a regular cage match then it’s ok I guess but the barbed wire was just stupid. It did a total of nothing other than acting as a deterrent I guess, which a regular cage would have done just as fine or a cage with a top on it. This was a waste of time for the most part and didn’t work that well at all. Weak main event.

The Cabinet, JBL’s crew, comes out for the big beatdown and Batista comes out for the save. He’s in his gear of course. Don’t you travel like that? JBL tries to leave but Cena stops him. Apparently Cena vs. JBL is already made, which makes the signing of the contract totally pointless. Cena gives him a spinebuster onto the equipment. Apparently it’s either Cena vs. JBL or a triple threat. Yeah because I’m SURE they would let HHH have the night off right?

Overall Rating: D. This was bad. The Cena/Angle match is good and there’s some ok stuff elsewhere on the card, but the vast majority of this stuff is fast forward time. These split branded shows were just awful and this is a great example. They had SIX matches and had to give three different segments to the rookie Divas and nothing happened with them but they got about 15 minutes total. I hated this PPV but the Rumble and Mania were both good so they were allowed to have a bad show I guess. Take a pass here and find the better Cena/Angle matches elsewhere.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

Smackdown
Date: May 24, 2013
Location: CenturyLink Center Omaha, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re past Extreme Rules and the main story is of course HHH. He collapsed at the end of Raw while Curtis Axel was laying in the ring with no one paying a bit of attention to him, so odds are we’ll hear about getting an update on him on Raw tonight. Other than that we have Del Rio confirmed as the #1 contender for Ziggler whenever Dolph is healthy again. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the HHH/Heyman stuff from both Extreme Rules and Raw. We also get a little bit about Shield winning three belts as tonight it’s Kofi vs. Ambrose for the US Title.

Here’s the Miz for MizTV to open the show. Miz says that he’s versatile because he’s going to host this show and then he’ll win back the Intercontinental Title soon after. The guest tonight is Fandango who thankfully brings Summer Rae with him. Before Miz can ask him a question, Fandango stops him for the correct pronunciation of his name. Miz counters with some “reallys” and shows us a clip of the tag match from Raw where Fandango stopped for a dance.

Miz wants to know how obnoxious Fandango is. Fandango threatens to dance all over the face of anyone who comes near Summer before questioning Miz’s own ego. Miz says that Fandango looks like a dancing bag of Skittles which isn’t too far from accurate. The fans chant bag of Skittles, making Miz declare Fandango the new Fruity Pebbles. This brings out Wade Barrett with his horrible new music.

Barrett says he’ll get to Miz in a minute but first of all he’s angry at Fandango for tiptoeing through the tulips instead of being Barrett’s partner. Wade threatens Fandango if he ever does that again, so Fandango corrects his pronunciation. Miz says Barrett needs to focus on him because Miz has a title shot later tonight. Barrett punches Miz in the face and the brawl is on. Fandango and Summer leave as a referee comes out to break it up.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Wade Barrett

This is joined in progress after a break with Miz challenging. Fandango is also sitting in on commentary. Miz fights out of a chinlock and hits a flapjack, only to be taken down by a back elbow. Fandango says that he had to go to the back on Monday because his glitter was coming off. Barrett puts Miz on the top rope for a kick to the ribs for two and it’s off to a chinlock.

Back up and Miz hits a running knee lift and a bit boot. Fandango asks JBL to hit his music because apparently Bradshaw can do that. It’s time for some dancing as well as for the Winds of Change to Miz for two. Miz gets two of his own off a rollup before hitting a baseball slide to Fandango. A dropkick takes out Barrett’s knee but Fandango kicks Miz in the head for the DQ at 2:56 shown. This was angle advancement and barely a match at all.

Fandango and Barrett double team Miz post match but Barrett hits Fandango with the Bull Hammer as a receipt for Monday night. In something you almost never get to say anymore, Barrett stands tall.

Daniel Bryan is muttering to himself in the back when Kane comes in. He says that they both lost the titles, which Bryan interprets as Kane blaming him. Bryan insists that he isn’t the weak link as his paranoia continues.

Jack Swagger vs. Daniel Bryan

No entrance for Swagger again. Bryan goes right at Swagger and pounds away before sending Jack to the floor for the suicide dive. He fires off kicks to the chest against the barricade before taking it back inside for a near fall off a missile dropkick. Jack takes Bryan down off of a clothesline before putting him in the Tree of Woe for some knees. We take a break and come back with the two of them colliding before Bryan hits a running kick to the face in the corner.

More kicks to the chest have Jack in trouble and a running kick to the face gets two. Swagger finally catches one of the kicks in a high angle belly to belly for two of his own. Daniel rolls out of a gutwrench suplex but gets caught in the Patriot Lock, only to be rolled through for another near fall. The Vader Bomb hits knees and a HARD kick to Swagger’s head sees Bryan not cover but rather stomp Swagger even more. There’s the NO Lock for the tap out at 5:36 shown of 9:06.

Rating: C+. This was pretty decent and it’s cool to see a far more aggressive Bryan. I could go with the idea of him destroying people because he wants to prove how awesome he is in the ring. Also, when is the last time he beat someone with the NO Lock? It also seems that Swagger is back in the midcard all over again, which is pretty much what was expected once this feud with Del Rio died down.

Post match Bryan beats on him even more. The referee mentioned something about reversing the decision but no official announcement was ever made.

We get a package of stills from the last man standing match on Sunday. Cena will be back on Raw.

We also get all the Ryback stuff from Monday with him challenging for an ambulance match and throwing Ryder in the ambulance.

Here’s Damien Sandow in the ring wearing a suit. There’s a table in front of him and as usual, he seems annoyed. Sandow talks about seeing two people compete in a series of stupid competitions, ranging from a tug of war to arm wrestling to a truck pull. Tonight, Sandow wants them to deal with some mental issues. There’s a tied up rope on the table and we hear the story of the Gordian Knot. Sandow has Matt Striker try to untie the knot while making fun of the education system when Striker can’t do it.

Cue Sheamus who makes fun of Sandow’s hobby of playing with knots. Sheamus talks about playing with Rubic’s Cubes as a kid before picking up the knot. He tries to untie it but Sandow gets impatient. Damien pulls out a pair of bolt cutters and hacks it up. Sheamus tries a Brogue Kick but Damien bails to the floor, shouting I KNEW IT! Instead Shaemus offers to teach him about Newton’s Law, which means he throws Striker through the ropes at Sandow. Your lesson of the night: when you get outsmarted, throw human beings.

Chris Jericho vs. Big Show

That’s a pretty fast recovery from Orton’s punt. Jericho charges straight at Big Show for some reason as Matthews compares Jericho to Johnny Depp. JBL: “Johnny Depp never has been been inside a WWE ring and neither has Jay Silverheels or Tonto.” Show shoves him down with ease and catches Jericho in a bearhug. He lets it go for no apparent reason, allowing Jericho to dropkick Show’s knee out and pound away, only to be caught by a spear for two. Jericho escapes the chokeslam attempt and goes up, only to jump into a loud chop to the chest.

Show goes to the middle rope but misses an elbow drop, allowing Jericho to hit the Lionsault for two. The Codebreaker is countered into a sunset flip attempt but Show pulls him up with a chokeslam, only to be pulled down by a DDT for two. The Walls are easily shoved away and there’s the chokeslam but Jericho rolls to the floor. Jericho escapes a ram into the post by sending Show into the post himself. Jericho hits a decent Codebreaker to send Show into the timekeeper’s area which is good for a countout win for Jericho at 6:30.

Rating: C. As usual, there’s only so much Jericho can do with a guy Big Show’s size but they tried. The Codebreaker was better than I would have expected and Jericho managed to not get crushed. This is also a good win for Jericho to bounce back with, as both guys are capable of losing match after match but be just fine.

Post match Big Show picks up a chair but Jericho kicks it out of his hands and beats Big Show with it for fun.

The Raw ReBound is the introduction of Curtis Axel and the match with HHH, followed by HHH collapsing.

Here are Heyman and Axel with something to say. Heyman brags about his success with Lesnar and Punk and now he’s pointing his finger at Axel. Curtis himself gets to speak and says that in one night, he accomplished more than his father and grandfather ever accomplished. He took HHH’s best shot and then left him laying. Curtis says that he won on Monday and says his name a few more times. That was just day one and tonight is day two.

Curtis Axel vs. Sin Cara

This is joined in progress after the break with the stupid lights back again. Sin Cara spines out of a fireman’s carry before firing off some kicks. A standing rana takes Curtis down and there’s the wrist drag out of the corner. Curtis throws Cara to the apron and stomps away in the corner. Randy Orton is talking about Curtis Axel RIGHT NOW on the WWE App. Cara comes back with the Tajiri handspring elbow and a crossbody for two. A top rope version of the crossbody misses though and the formerly known McGillicutter (running one arm neckbreaker) gets the pin on Cara at 3:00 shown.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here but at least Axel got the win. Why he couldn’t have hit that move on Monday and won by countout or something is beyond me, but I’m sure he somehow got a bigger rub by not winning than winning or something like that. Anyway, he looks fine here and while it would be interesting to see him go straight at someone like Orton right away, I can’t picture that happening.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Dean Ambrose

Kofi is challenging of course. Dean goes it alone on this one and seems to have some fans on his side. Kofi fires off some kicks and right hands but gets taken down by a fast shoulder block. Back up and Kofi gets no count off a dropkick before getting taken down by another shoulder. Ambrose chokes with his leg on the mat but Kofi fires off more dropkicks. A middle rope ax handle gets two on Dean but as Kofi goes up top he has to dive on Reigns outside. Roman and Seth come in for the DQ at 2:30.

Post match Shield beats on Kofi until Sheamus and Randy Orton make the save. If you’re a Smackdown fan, you know the drill from here.

Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. Shield

Joined in progress again with Sheamus slamming Reigns down for two. Off to Orton for some headbutts to Rollins and right hands in the corner. Kofi comes in to work on the arm for a bit before it’s back to Randy to crank on the arm as well. Rollins finally gets in a knee to the face and makes the tag off to Ambrose who takes the US Champion down with ease. A knee rake across the face allows for the tag back to Sheamus but Ambrose gets in a shot to the ribs.

Back to Rollins who pounds away in the corner, only to get caught in mid air off a middle rope cross body. Reigns and Ambrose have to save their partner from the ten forearms to the chest as we take a break. Back with Ambrose hitting a knee to Sheamus’ ribs before it’s back to Reigns for stomps in the corner and a lot of trash talk. Sheamus fights out and avoids a charge from Reigns, sending him shoulder first into the post. Hot tag brings in Orton for all his favorites, including the Elevated DDT.

Ambrose bails to the floor to avoid the RKO and Reigns gets in a shot to Orton. Reigns comes up limping though, which is apparently a legit ankle injury. Back in and Rollins pounds on Orton before it’s back to Dean for a front facelock. Rollins comes in again for some right hands to the head as this is basically a handicap match now. Randy gets in a right hand but gets caught in a downward spiral into the middle buckle to put him right back down. Orton comes back with more right hands and snaps off a quick superplex to put both guys down.

The hot tag brings in Sheamus to face Ambrose (Reigns didn’t have his hand out but was instead waving Rollins over to Ambrose) and house is cleaned. Even Reigns takes a shoulder to the ribs before Ambrose is hit with the rolling senton into the forearms to Rollins’ chest. Reigns breaks up White Noise on Dean with a spear but rolls to the floor for an RKO from from Orton. Kofi comes in and gets two on Dean, but it’s Rollins tripping Kingston up, allowing Dean to hit the bulldog driver for the pin at 11:48 shown of 15:18.

Rating: B-. The usual good wild six man tag for Shield here. The fact that Reigns was able to take a shot to the ribs, throw a spear and then take an RKO suggests that the injury isn’t all that bad so maybe he just tweaked the ankle a bit. We also got the ending we needed here with Dean pinning Kofi, so hopefully we don’t have to sit through another rematch on PPV between them.

Overall Rating: B. This show worked well for the most part. We got the potential start of a three way feud for the Intercontinental Title, Bryan being edgier, Axel winning a match and the usual good Shield match. On the other hand, I’m not sure where Jericho vs. Big Show can go that would be all that interesting. Also what was up with that Sheamus segment? I can’t imagine him in a feud with Sandow after how many times he’s beaten Damien up. Also the segment didn’t really tell us anything we didn’t already know, so what was the point of that? Good show this week for the most part though.

Results

The Miz b. Wade Barrett via DQ when Fandango interfered

Daniel Bryan b. Jack Swagger – NO Lock

Chris Jericho b. Big Show via countout

Curtis Axel b. Sin Cara – McGillicutter

Kofi Kingston b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Shield interfered

Shield b. Kofi Kingston/Sheamus/Randy Orton – Bulldog Driver to Kingston

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

ECW on Sci–Fi
Date: February 16, 2010
Location: Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Byron Saxton

Well as you can tell this is the final edition of the modern ECW show. There are a total of two matches on the show: a tag title match and Big Zeke, a muscleheaded no talent hack that would never have gotten more of a second look in ECW and Christian who would have been ok there. Take a guess as to how this is going to end. NXT would debut the next week so let’s get to it.

We get to meet the NXT rookies and pros tonight.

Tag Titles: The Miz/Big Show vs. Goldust/Yoshi Tatsu

Miz has three belts at the moment, all of which would cause him to become my #1 draft pick in the fantasy league. Doesn’t this make you riveted to the screen? I mean it’s clear that two guys like Dust and Tatsu have a great chance to win the belts here. Goldust and the smaller champion start us off. Yoshi is fast but Goldust comes in and gets drilled by Show as we take a break.

Tatsu comes in and kicks a lot which gets him nowhere. Show busts out a headlock takeover of all things. Well that’s not something you expected. Yoshi has an eternal flame of pride. This just isn’t that interesting as there’s just a total lack of drama and it’s hurting things here. Goldie comes in and cleans the kitchen (not enough to be the whole house) but gets punched and the Skull Crushing Finale ends this.

Rating: D+. It looked like they were trying but come on: Tatsu and Goldust? Is that really the best they could do? They couldn’t bring Dreamer out of mothballs for this? It just didn’t do anything for me and while it was ok, no one cares about Goldust as a serious contender at this point and Tatsu hadn’t done a thing. It just fell flat and that’s never good.

The first pairing we see is Jericho/Barrett. Barrett is obsessed with money apparently. Where did that aspect of his character go?

Next up is Hardy/Gabriel. Gabriel is a cross between Johnny Damon and Adam Lambert.

Tiffany, the GM still and not a member of Blonterouge or whatever the name is now, addresses the ECW audience and is interrupted by Ryder and Rosa. He wants into the title match and says there’s nothing Tiffany can do about it.

MVP and Skip Sheffield are a team. No not really.

We do the final Abraham Washington Show and I have a feeling this isn’t going to be funny. He thinks they’re in St. Louis to get cheap heel heat. He talks about how he’ll be a free agent soon so people get to pay for him. He says he has the biggest name in wrestling for his final guest and of course it’s himself. Cue Shelton for no apparent reason.

Shelton really was bad on the mic. This is painful. He reminds Abe that everyone is a free agent now and gets interrupted by Vance Archer who had been feuding with Shelton for awhile. The Dudebusters come out and say they’re the most important thing on the show. Kozlov comes out and yells. Dang Vince really wanted to kick the original ECW to death didn’t he?

There’s the big brawl and Washington is mad because they’re messing up his furniture when he’s a single payment away from getting his security deposit back. Kozlov and Shelton shake hands and leave for no apparent reason.

Another pairing is Carlito and Michael Tarver.

The I think fifth pair is Daniel Bryan and Miz. And cue the IWC exploding over it.

We talk about the Elimination Chamber since that’s on Sunday.

Christian and Slater are announced.

Christian comes out and says it’s been a year since he came back. ECW isn’t a demotion to him but rather home. He talks about how he got to be the star on ECW and he’s loved every bit of it. Tonight is for the ECW Originals and for ECW. Oh come on now you know he’s losing. There’s an ECW chant for you. He’ll be proud to be the final ECW Champion. This came off well and made ECW sound very respectable and like a good thing.

Punk and Young, who apparently has incredible strength, will be a team.

ECW Title: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Christian

This is under Extreme Rules and Christian brought a shopping cart of weapons. Christian gets him to the floor and here’s Ryder to be a jerk. He gets beaten up like a little nitwit and Tiffany bounces down to the ring to take down Rosa. Back from a break and it’s all Big Zeke. Christian hits the Pendulum Kick into a trash can lid into Zeke.

Regal and Zeke set up a table but get it knocked into their faces. Some WEAK kendo stick shots give the advantage back to the Canadian. This was far better on the first viewing. Regal interferes and breaks up the Killswitch and Jackson slams Christian through a table to completely kill the history of ECW forever. Until TNA redoes it soon and kills its corpse.

Rating: C-. It’s ok but the ending was again fairly clear. You knew Vince was going to go with the big title change to end things and that it would be fairly stupid. The match was ok at best but with three interferences for Jackson it became watered down and overbooked. Glad to see they kept with the original ECW vision on that one.

We close the show and the brand with R-Truth being Otunga’s pro and the big musclehead holding the ECW Title. I’d love to see Heyman’s reaction to that.

Overall Rating: D. This was just bad. It’s really more of a commercial for NXT than anything else. Christian’s speech was nice but this was about ending ECW once and for all which was just done to let Vince have a good feeling about it at the end of the day. I wish this had been the end of ECW but of course TNA wants to get a few more dollars out of it while they can so here we go all over again. ECW dies once again with nothing to show for it. Yeah I’m stunned too.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at: