Monday Night Raw
Date: March 15, 1999
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 13,146
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’ve only got two weeks left before Wrestlemania and the card is pretty much ready to go. Well in the world of logical booking and common sense it is. The Wrestlemania 15 card will change a lot tonight for reasons that I’m sure will make me roll my eyes and want to punch someone in the face over. Also hopefully Paul Wight is dubbed Big Show soon because it’s hard not to call him that. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Rock and Big Show’s (finally called that) issues. Rock slapped Big Show last night on Heat before Big Show lifted the ring off the floor. Why Rock didn’t just hop out is beyond me.

Here’s Rock to open the show. I love how he holds the belt in his arm like a football. He talks about how Austin has 13 days before the beating of his life, but the fans stop him to say that Rocky sucks. Austin should go lay down on the train tracks because the Smackdown Express is about to run him over. As for Big Show, Rock knew he couldn’t trust him but it’s clear that Austin and Big Show are in cahoots. He wants Vince out here right now or he’ll kick his roody poo candy…..but Rock has to stop to remind the fans that THIS IS NOT SING A LONG WITH THE ROCK!

Anyway cue Vince who looks very annoyed at this inconvenience. He thinks that Rock is cooking a big load of monkey crap because all this Rock stuff is going to the champ’s head. Maybe Dwayne needs a reality check. Vince asks Rock about the stuff the McMahon family has done for Rock’s family and says that the championship belongs to Vince, not the Rock. However, Rock isn’t going to lose that title to Austin. Vince’s family has been looking out for Rock’s family for three generations so he’s going to protect Rock now. He’s brought in Big Show to help Rock and the Corporation and Show has done a lot for Rock already.

This brings out Big Show himself and he’s not pleased with what Vince is implying about him. Maybe Big Show should cash in one of his big checks on the Rock and then use the change on Vince. McMahon says he pays Big Show and that means Big Show does what he says. Show chokes Vince into the corner but Vince says this is what Austin and the people want. Instead, they’re going to get Rock and Big Show vs. Mankind and Austin. Rock and Big Show shake hands,

Some construction guys come out and start building a table in front of the regular announce table. They don’t know why they’re doing it but apparently that’s their assignment.

Intercontinental Title: Road Dogg vs. Val Venis

This is because Venis, the champion, pinned Road Dogg in a tag match on Heat. Trust me: that’s far from the most backwards thing tonight. Road Dogg says he’ll win and become the Intercontinental Champion of the world. Dogg misses a charges into the corner to start and Val pounds away. A spinebuster gets two for the champion as do some elbows. Apparently Venis has guaranteed a win in three minutes.

There’s a powerslam to the Dogg but the Money Shot misses. Dogg starts pounding away and hits the shaky knee drop and a pumphandle slam for two. The construction guys are still working and have a power saw going. A snap suplex gets two for Val but Roadie catches him in a DDT for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing of note and I really have no idea why the title change happened. Val wasn’t the best champion ever but he had a feud going on for the title with three other guys, but now Road Dogg is champion. Nothing to see here as the main focus was on the carpenters at ringside.

Rock tells Big Show he can win the tag match by himself.

DX celebrates Road Dogg’s new title in the back. Billy apparently wants a shot.

Here’s Shane to say that beating X-Pac at Wrestlemania will be as easy as 1-2-3. Kid. Eh point for a funny line. Anyway, right now he’s going to challenge the Legion of Doom to a handicap match……and it’s Patterson and Brisco in LOD attire.

Shane McMahon vs. Legion of Doom

Vince is on commentary. This is exactly what you would expect as Shane destroys the “LOD”. Brisco is Hawk in case you were wondering. Both guys get Bronco Busters as X-Pac is watching in the back. Shane hits them both with the European Title and gets a double pin. This was a long joke, not a match.

As the McMahons leave, Undertaker’s voice comes over the speakers and we get a shot of apparently Vince’s house. Taker says a woman is coming home soon. The Ministry is at Vince’s house and apparently they’re trying to get in.

Vince calls his security company but they’re not at the house yet.

Cue JR and Steve Williams. Apparently JR is going to do his own commentary and the carpenters were building him his own announce table. Yes, this is what we’ve spent 20 minutes setting up. The table says JR is Raw.

Tag Titles: Jeff Jarrett/Owen Hart vs. Public Enemy

Earlier today the challengers said they don’t want anything handed to them. It’s a big brawl to start and Rocco almost immediately tries to put Jarrett through a table. We hear about people being annoyed at where Public Enemy used to work (both ECW and WCW) as Owen hammers away on Rocco. The champions (Jarrett and Hart of course) split Rocco’s legs before it’s back to Hart to pound away in the corner. Rocco avoids a charge into the corner and it’s hot tag to Johnny. He cleans house and there’s a guitar shot, leading to the pin for Jarrett. This was like 90 seconds.

JR thanks the fans for their support as Jerry and Cole talk about the match.

The cops won’t go to Vince’s house because they think it’s a publicity stunt.

Post break Vince is upset because no one will answer. Shane offers to call his friends to go help but there’s a phone call from Undertaker. Apparently Undertaker asks if Vince knows where his family is.

A steel cage is lowered.

Wrestlemania is coming.

Vince has a meeting with the Corporation.

Mankind is sitting inside a shark’s mouth (literally) and says he’s going to give Mr. Socko a bath with Paul Wight’s saliva.

Mideon vs. Big Bossman

This is inside a cage and Mideon is here all alone tonight. Apparently this is a Hard Time cage match, whatever that means. You win by escape only and Boss Man dominates Mideon to start. A splash in the corner puts Mideon down and Boss Man throws him face first into the cage. Boss Man pulls out a chain and blasts Mideon in the face for good measure. Here’s the rest of the Corporation as the cage door is open. The beatdown is on and the match is again thrown out after about two minutes.

Vince talks to Undertaker, saying that if Undertaker doesn’t leave Vince’s home, Mideon will be destroyed. We cut to a shot of Vince’s house where Taker says his men exist to die for him. Taker says he’s going to do what he has to do and a car pulls up. The feed cuts out and we go to a commercial.

Post break Vince and company are panicking while trying to get someone on the phone.

Now, let’s go to the Playboy Mansion with Lawler getting a tour. If you can’t figure out what’s going on here, you’re in the wrong review. The acting on this is worse than almost anything else I can remember in WWE. The King is thrown out of course.

Here’s Sable to show us the entire Playboy spread. I’m sure. She’s basically in S&M gear here and shows us the pictures. They’re censored of course, making this rather pointless. If the fans want to see the uncensored ones, they have to pay. Anyway, this brings out Tori who now has entrance music. She insists she’s as good as Sable and won’t stand in the shadow any longer. Tori offers to show everything she has. Her voice sounds like it’s coming from a machine. A challenge is made and accepted for Wrestlemania. Tori strips to some very large underwear.

Cops arrive at Vince’s house and look around to see if there’s anything to Vince’s claims.

We go from that to a video on how tough things are on the mean streets of Greenwich, Connecticut, featuring the Mean Street Posse.

Hardcore Title: Billy Gunn vs. Hardcore Holly

Gunn is challenging of course. It’s a brawl to start and odds are that’s what we’re going to see for awhile here. Gunn is sent to the floor and Holly pulls out a garbage can for a hard shot to the head. Billy comes back with a whip into the steps for two but a piledriver on the floor is blocked, as it always is. They head inside with Billy breaking a broomstick over Holly’s back. A shot to the throat gets two on Holly and it’s chair time.

Holly comes back with a facejam onto the chair and a clothesline to put Gunn on the outside. Gunn tries a comeback but walks into a drink to the head as we go back inside. A chair to Billy’s head gets two but Holly is thrown onto JR’s table, apparently knocking the signal out. Cole and Jerry can still talk though and they get to call Billy hitting a Fameasser onto the chair for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. So yeah, Russo’s BRILLIANT conclusion to two simultaneous midcard title feuds is to swap the champions out for each other. Gunn would defend the Hardcore Title in a three way at Mania and Road Dogg would be in the fourway. The problem is none of those challengers have any issues with either respective champion, so the matches wound up being worthless. But hey, it’s a SWERVE you see? Who needs logical storytelling when you can have SWERVES?

Vince is told the cops left but gets a call from Undertaker, saying that he’s going to be the father that Vince never could be, or maybe he could just torture her. Who this “her” is hasn’t been revealed yet. Taker’s symbol is burning on Vince’s lawn.

Here’s HHH with something to say. Apparently Chyna has a partially burned retina. HHH is mad that it was his eye that Kane was shooting for, so get out here right now for a burning. Cue Kane and the brawl is on in the aisle. As they fight at ringside, here comes Vince with his head hanging down. Vince wants Kane to try to talk to Undertaker (Vince’s voice is mic’d here but his hands are empty) but HHH won’t let Kane leave. Kane shakes his head no…..and unmasks to reveal Undertaker. The lights go out and Taker says he can get Vince anytime anywhere. Kane’s pyro goes off and his music plays to end this stupid segment.

Seriously, what in the world is going on here? Presumably Undertaker wasn’t ever in Connecticut (remember this show is in California), but we saw him on camera there, as we saw the cop. Even if it does make sense, it’s WAY more complicated than it needs to be, much like this entire angle.

Wrestlemania ad.

The Stooges try to console Vince.

Mankind/Steve Austin vs. Big Show/The Rock

Rock says that he’s going to win at Wrestlemania before we get going here. Mankind gets beaten down before Austin gets here, only to have the Rattlesnake come in and make the save. Austin and Rock get things going with Austin hitting the Thesz Press before he even takes the vest off. Off to Mankind who is punched in the face by the world champion. Mankind comes back with some right hands to the head and the running knee to a seated Rock in the corner.

Back to Austin as Rock is in big trouble. There’s a sleeper by Austin but Rock rams him into the corner for the break. Rock charges into a boot in the corner but rolls to the floor to avoid a Stunner. The champ tries to leave but you know Austin isn’t letting something like that happen. Back in and a bad looking spinebuster gets two on Rock before it’s back to Mankind for his own version of the People’s Elbow. Mankind hits the ropes once too often though, allowing Big Show to kick him in the back of the head. That and a DDT are enough for a two count for Rock.

Off to Big Show for the first time as the fans chant for Austin. Thankfully we don’t have JR on commentary anymore, but it means that Cole and Lawler can talk about how huge a deal that was for Vince. Big Show chokes away with those long legs in the corner as he makes the 6’4 Mankind look tiny. A Russian legsweep puts Mankind down and it’s back to the champion. Austin breaks up a near fall off the People’s Elbow but it’s back to Big Show for more punishment on Mankind.

Show chokes with the ropes as Rock draws Austin in again, allowing for a low blow. Rock brags a bit too much though and gets caught in a double arm DDT to put both guys down. There’s the hot tag to Austin and Rock freaks. Austin stomps a mudhole in Rock’s chest but has to fight out of a Rock Bottom attempt. Instead it’s a neckbreaker getting two for Austin but everything breaks down. Everyone goes to the floor and the match is thrown out.

Rating: C. Rock vs. Austin is always worth seeing and I can’t complain a bit about putting both big matches from Wrestlemania into a tag match like this. It was a regular main event tag match other than that though so it’s hard to complain here. The match wasn’t anything of note and the ending sucked, but the rest of it wasn’t bad. That’s as back and forth as I can get so we’ll say the rating is right in the middle.

Austin and Rock go through the announce table, which means Big Show isn’t doing his job.

Overall Rating: D. This is Russo when he’s getting WAY too much freedom. I felt like I was watching a low budget horror movie here with some screwball comedy thrown in. The midcard title swap makes NO sense and is as stupid of an idea as they could have had. It makes the matches worthless and throws out weeks of buildup. Then there’s the Undertaker stuff which feels like it’s out of a low budget Halloween ripoff. There was almost nothing good here and it’s hard to imagine we’re two weeks from Wrestlemania.

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 8, 1999
Location: Civic Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 13,497
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

we’re inching closer to Wrestlemania now with only Raws to go before the big night. At the moment though, the main story continues to be Vince vs. Undertaker with Austin and Rock off in a corner doing their own thing to get ready for the biggest match of the year. You can clearly see what the card should be for Wrestlemania and the build for it hasn’t been bad at all. Let’s get to it.

Oh and for you history people: this show was taped on Tuesday as was almost every other Raw. Before the show, Sunday Night Heat was taped as well. During that show, Indian wrestler Tiger Ali Singh would ask fans if they would do various things for money, including blowing their nose in an American flag. One fan agreed to do so for $5000 but instead used Singh’s Indian flag. Singh attacked him and was belly to belly suplexed. The fan’s name: Kurt Angle, in his WWF TV debut.

We open with a recap from Heat last night with Rock calling out Paul Wight until Austin’s music hit. Rock sent Show to head him off but Austin snuck through the crowd and Stunned the champ.

Here’s Rock to open things up. He has a problem with Paul Wight (whose name needs to change already) and we get a clip of the Stunner from last night. Instead here’s Vince who doesn’t look happy either. He tells Rock to stop airing corporate laundry in public, or else certain corporate members might start wondering what the Rock is smoking. Vince blames the fans for these circumstances for putting such pressure on the Rock. He assures Rock that Wight is a card carrying member of the Corporation in good standing.

Rock believes what Vince is saying but there have been far too many coincidences involving Paul Wight for there to be nothing to all of this. Rock doesn’t like the cards that Wight is carrying, and here’s Wight himself. Wight says that it was Rock who sent him into the aisle to head off Austin, leading to the Stunner. Maybe it’s not worth all of Vince’s money. Maybe he should give the money back and take the Bull and his horns and shove them…..somewhere that we don’t get to hear because Mankind’s music interrupts.

Apparently Mankind is officially the second guest referee in the main event of Wrestlemania. Did I mention that Russo was booking things at this point? Mankind says that if Rock and Wight want to get it on, he’s more than willing to be the referee for the fight. If you smell what the Sock is cooking that is.

Vince says Mankind isn’t quite the guest referee at Wrestlemania yet. Instead Mankind has to face Austin first (no mention of Mankind winning) right here tonight with Paul Wight as guest referee. Did I mention WWF was OBSESSED with guest referees at this point? Vince offers Rock a spot on commentary for the match. We’re still not done though as here’s Austin with something to say.

Austin says that everyone is out here making rulings which don’t mean anything to him. He doesn’t care about any of these people because no matter who the guest referee is going to be at Wrestlemania or tonight, he’s walking out of Philadelphia with the WWF Title. Simple but effective promo here.

The Ministy is here en masse and looking for the Boss Man. They destroy some jobbers in the locker room.

Austin is talking to Mankind and reiterates that he doesn’t care who the referee is.

D’Lo Brown vs. Owen Hart

This is a street fight because what would a match be without a gimmick right? For the first time we hear about a battle royal on Heat the night of Wrestlemania with the final two men getting a tag title shot. That’s how bad the tag division was at this point. Brown pounds away with what looks like a street sign to start but gets caught by a spinning heel kick to give the Canadian control. A piledriver down onto the sign gets two for Hart.

They head to the floor with Brown being sent into the steps. King is talking about Salty Balls from South Park as they head up the ramp. Brown finally gets in a low blow and a clothesline to put Owen down. They’re on the stage now and Owen comes right back down with a DDT onto the steel. Back to the ring they go with Brown shrugging off the DDT and pounding away with the sign. Both guys find broomsticks from somewhere and ram them together, which puts both guys down for some reason. Jeff Jarrett comes out with a guitar but Brown intercepts it and knocks Owen out cold for the pin.

Rating: D+. I’m not wild on this kind of stuff with Brown getting up from a piledriver and DDT onto steel like they were nothing of note at all. That was really distracting in what was just a five minute match. I’m assuming Henry was injured at this point because having it as a handicap feud isn’t quite working at the moment.

There’s a sign in the crowd of D’Lo posing on the ropes and his head slides back and forth. That’s rather awesome.

Taker sends the Ministry out to find the Boss Man.

New Age Outlaws vs. Al Snow/Hardcore Holly

During the entrances we’re told about Hardcore Holly vs. Snow vs. Road Dogg at Mania for the Hardcore Title. Remember that match. Holly pounds on Roadie to start but Snow tags himself in, ticking off the champion. Snow gets in some shots of his own but Holly tags himself right back in. Now Snow and Holly get in a fight over who gets to beat up Road Dogg, allowing Roadie to tag in Gunn. The hardcore guys get in another fight and Snow hits Holly with Head. A spike piledriver on Holly ends this quick.

Post match the lights go out and the Ministry arrives to beat up all four guys. Taker says tonight, Boss Man will come face to face with his maker and the lord of darkness.

Jim Ross gives Steve Williams a pep talk, explaining how great Williams is.

Here’s JR to the arena with a bag in his hand. He asks Cole to get in the ring and says he has a revolutionary idea. JR talks about how this is sports entertainment and not wrestling. He pulls out a red gi, pants and a mask. Apparently this is the gimmick that was created for Steve Williams and that’s a bunch of nonsense. As for Cole, JR talks about how he was the first man to come to Cole and ask if there was anything he could do. Cole never thanked JR for this and now Cole sits there like a little pretty boy. Apparently Cole tried to steal JR’s job so JR kicks him low. Ross gets back on commentary now as this stupid angle continues.

Vince and the Stooges tell Terry Taylor that Cole is off for the rest of the night and to go remove JR from commentary. The Stooges are assigned to watch the Ministry.

Terry Taylor comes out to remove JR from commentary as Ross goes on a rant about wanting to make a living. JR makes Red Rooster jokes and Steve Williams comes out to back JR but he leaves anyway. This is such a stupid angle. Taylor and Lawler are on commentary now.

Ryan Shamrock is on Goldust’s lap in the back and Blue Meanie is jealous of her.

The Stooges go looking for the Ministry in druid attire.

Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust

Shamrock meets Goldust in the aisle and rams him into the steps before going inside the ring. Now we go in for the bell and Shamrock pounds him into the corner before getting up an elbow to stop a charging Goldust. Goldie gets in a shot to the head and loads up Shattered Dreams, but he sees Meanie kissing Ryan on the floor. The distraction lets Shamrock hit a belly to belly suplex for the fast pin. This was again, an angle instead of a match.

Post match Shamrock beats up Blue Meanie as Goldust escapes with Ryan.

Shane, Test and Chyna are walking in the back.

Brisco and Patterson find some Ministry members and Brisco wants to go in and beat them down.

Test vs. X-Pac

Shane jumps in on commentary. Test LAUNCHES Pac over the top rope to start in a very impressive power display. Back in and Test rolls away from the Bronco Buster but Pac puts the brakes on before crotching himself. A big boot takes Pac’s head off as Shane is his usual VERY excited self. The full nelson slam gets two for Test and it’s off to the chinlock. Pac fights up but gets taken down by a very quick neckbreaker for two more.

We get the stupid “dive into a raised boot” spot from Test and both guys are down. Back up and a quick clothesline gets two for Pac, but he walks into a gutwrench powerbomb for two. Pac comes back with a spin kick as HHH stops Shane from interfering. Chyna gets taken out as well and there’s the Bronco Buster to Test. The melee lets Shane hit Pac with the European Title to give Test the easy pin.

Rating: C-. Not bad here and thankfully we didn’t have to see X-Pac do the giant killer thing here again. This set up Shane vs. X-Pac even more which wasn’t all that bad of a feud for the most part. Considering Shane wasn’t a wrestler, he did quite well in this role. Also his commentary here was somewhere between amazing and really annoying but it worked well enough.

Post match Chyna lays out HHH with a clothesline.

HHH says he’s sick of this and he’s going to drag Chyna to this ring and humiliate her right here tonight.

Patterson and Brisco (with what sounds like Vince’s voice giving them instructions) barge in and find Godfather and his ho’s. Comedy ladies and gentlemen.

HHH is hunting for Chyna.

Steve Blackman vs. Godfather

Before the match, Godfather offers Blackman a choice of either having the match or leaving with the Ho’s. Blackman leaves with the girls. That’s more interesting than the match would have been anyway. Droz tries to run in but gets beaten down…..and here’s the Ministry to take all three guys out. Taker asks how many people have to be attacked until Boss Man shows up. There will be a sacrifice tonight.

Here’s Chyna to the ring to call out HHH. He’s here almost immediately but as HHH gets to the ring, the lights go out and here comes Kane. HHH goes after Kane but Chyna grabs the Game’s arms. Kane loads up a fireball but hits Chyna by mistake. HHH immediately looks after her but Kane shoves HHH away and covers up her face. EMT’s get beaten up as well.

Post break Kane is holding a towel over Chyna’s face in the back.

Tori vs. Luna Vachon

Are you a big fan of someone in the WWF? In just two weeks, you too can be in a wrestling match on Monday Night Raw! Sable is on commentary here. We get some clips of an autograph signing of Sable’s Playboy and there are a lot of people in line. Make no mistake: she was a BIG deal back then. Sable brings King a copy of the Playboy and he freaks out. Luna spears Tori down to start and drops her with a DDT for no cover. Terry doesn’t get to look in the magazine as Luna chokes Tori enough for a DQ. This was another 45 second “match”.

Post match Sable rips off Tori’s Sable shirt. She also takes the Playboy back from King.

Boss Man shows up and is met by Taker but the Ministry surrounds him for the beatdown. WWF does realize that this is the Big Boss Man right?

Post break the Ministry drags Boss Man to the arena and sacrifice him, meaning they tie him to Taker’s symbol. It looks like a crucifixion which is still pretty creepy stuff. Taker says the Corporation will fall until there is only one left and then SHE will fall as well. Boss Man breaks off the symbol and the Corporation comes out for a brawl with Paul Wight cleaning house. The police finally show up and Taker puts his hands out to be arrested, lighting his symbol on fire in the process.

Post break Taker is put in a cop car with Vince talking trash.

Steve Austin vs. Mankind

Rock is on commentary and Wight is the referee. Austin and Wight argue a lot but Austin catches Mankind coming in and they head to the floor. Mankind whips him into the steps to take over as the fans go nuts for Austin. Steve goes face first into the announce table but moves before Mankind can dive off the middle rope to the table. Austin knocks him off the announce table and stomps a mudhole as Rock freaks out. They head back inside with Mankind hitting something resembling a Stunner onto the top rope to put Austin down.

Austin comes right back and crotches Mankind against the post before they head back inside. Mankind apparently is rocking the testicular fortitude tonight because the crotching seems to have had no effect. He pounds Austin right back down to the floor but misses the running knee into the steps. Instead it’s Austin ramming Mankind face first into the steps before heading back inside for a sleeper. A quick reversal by Mankind is countered into a jawbreaker and both guys are down.

Austin misses the running crotch attack in 619 position and an elbow drop gets two for Mankind. Off to a front facelock of all things, which might be the only instance of such a move in this era. Mankind shifts it over into a chinlock instead but Austin fights up into a double clothesline.

Steve gets up first and stomps a mudhole in Mankind before hitting the running crotch attack for two. Mankind puts him down with the double arm DDT and here’s Socko. The Stunner is countered with an elbow to the face and there’s the Claw with Austin on the apron. Wight counts INSANELY fast and Austin is counted out, making Mankind the second referee at Wrestlemania.

Rating: C. Not their best work here as this was mainly random brawling before the screwy ending. This was another match where the ending didn’t make much sense at the time as there’s no reason for the Corporation to want Mankind to be involved in the main event of Wrestlemania at all. I’m sure we’ll get a convoluted answer soon enough though.

Post match Wight chokeslams Mankind as Vince comes out to…..do something that he doesn’t get to do as Austin gets in as well. Wight gets between the two of them, allowing Rock to jump Austin and run. Kind of a lame ending segment here.

Overall Rating: D+. As was the case last week, it’s very clear that Austin vs. Rock is kind of happening in the background of Undertaker vs. McMahon, which would go on for months after Wrestlemania ended. The Boss Man was a horrible choice to put in that spot, especially when you have people like Paul Wight and Kane to fight Undertaker. Kane feuding with HHH makes sense, but for goodness’ sake Wight is fighting to be a guest referee later in the show. Not a good show but at least the world title got some buildup.

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Insurrextion 2002
Date: May 4, 2002
Location: Wembley Arena, London, England
Attendance: 10,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is just after Backlash 2002 where Hogan won the world title from HHH. Naturally the Undisputed Champion isn’t here but why should he waste his time on something like that? The two most important things here though are that two days after this we GET THE F OUT and it’s WWE. This is also the debut of the single brand show, making this an historical show which is likely going to suck. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about bringing the fight across the ocean or something like that. It’s REALLY bland which is how most of these shows were.

Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrerovs. Rob Van Dam

This show sold out in 21 minutes apparently. Not bad.Well this should be good if nothing else. Eddie won the title at Backlash and this is one of the rematches. They trade control to start as the fans are way behind RVD. Both of these guys are incredibly fast. Catching Van Dam is like pouring smoke through a keyhole. Where does he get these metaphors? Eddie takes over as I have a feeling this is going to be the best match on the card for the rest of the night.

The fans are all over Eddie here as he puts on something like an ankle lock. You know for two guys of this caliber, this isn’t really anything special. That always plagues these shows: everything you see here has been done elsewhere and done better. That and you know there’s nothing significant coming so why bother watching? I guess that’s the benefit of being in America as we get the main stuff.

Van Dam gets us to even with a superkick which is fair since Shawn is still out hurt. Monkey flips are fun but how did they get that name I wonder. Five Star misses though and I wonder how alive Eddie’s hair is. There’s no way that’s not a creature that lives there in hiding. Eddie goes to get the belt but nails the referee for the DQ when he tries to take it from him. RVD beats him up afterwards and hits a Five Star to make the fans smile.

Rating: C+. Nothing all that great here but it was ok. A match with these two is really hard to mess up and this was certainly watchable. It just didn’t have that pop though and that hurts it a bit. It got the crowd going though so that’s the main goal. Van Dam was very exciting back around this time when he wasn’t getting old (he’s like 32 here) . He would get the title back in like a month.

Molly and Jazz get Trish and Jackie later. Molly hates Terri, the interviewer.Molly can’t act at all. This is in the virgin period which was rather funny. It ends with Terri showing her bra to the girls. This was idiotic.

Trish Stratus/Jackie vs. Molly Holly/Jazz

Trish was just starting to get the hang of wrestling here but had a long way to go. Lawler makes various sex jokes and Ross’ reaction of not getting it is great. Apparently the virgin aspect was a real life thing for Molly. That’s very awesome. Trish comes in and Lawler keeps using slang that I don’t get. I still don’t get why they picked Jazz if they wanted to have a girl from ECW. She wasn’t very well known there at all but I get the whole fighter thing.

Why do so many women use the handspring elbow? Trish throws those forearms of hers and takes Jazz down. She gets a backslide but Jackie messes things up. Yeah I’m stunned too. We get some BAD spot calling which is always fun to catch. This isn’t terrible but it’s kind of all over the place. Trish vs. Jazz or Molly would have worked much better.

Jackie gets caught in a Boston Crab and taps her fingers on the mat. STF is broken up by Trish as Lawler talks about flying puppies. Jackie hits a tornado DDT on Molly and Trish hits Stratusfaction on Jazz to get a double pin. Trish was clearly getting better and was clearly going to be a big star. Lita was out with a broken neck but she was getting back soon.

Rating: C. Not bad here at all but Jackie and Jazz kind of held it back a bit. Not that they’re bad in the ring but that they just weren’t that interesting and not a lot of people cared about them at all. This was more of a way to get Trish over than anything else which is what it was supposed to do.

X-Pac tells Hall to stay in the back for his match in a kind of pointless segment.

Bradshaw vs. X–Pac

This is NWO time here which would be done in like a month. Bradshaw kept getting little mini-pushes to see how he would handle them. He would be world champion in a little over two years though so apparently they worked. Pac has Kane’s mask for some reason that I don’t remember. Oh yeah Kane was the guardian of the NWO or something according to the Draft.

Who would have guessed that Bradshaw would be a far more successful guy in the end than Pac? The middle turnbuckle gets exposed and the referee is fine with this for some reason. He’s busted open now and Pac goes for it. This is nothing special but it’s working to fill in the time. It’s just a weird pairing though. Pac uses one of the worst chokes I’ve seen in a long time.

He does the ten punches in the corner and gets powerbombed out of his shoes. Wow my sarcasm isn’t coming at all here. Not sure if that’s because of me or the match but it’s just not there this time. I think it’s because of the match as I just do not care about this at all, but that could be the era and the British aspect. These shows all have tendencies to just not be interesting at all for obvious reasons.

Bradshaw gets a nice top rope shoulderblock which is as simple of a move as possible: just throw yourself at the other guy with as much weight as possible behind it. Fall Away Slam gets two and here’s Hall, probably to sue for copyright issues. He hits Bradshaw in the head with knunchucks for two which I thought was the finish. The Bronco Buster misses and I begin to smile. Hall interferes again and the X-Factor ends it. I hate that move.

Rating: C-. It’s not bad really which surprises me. I expected this to be pretty horrible but it really worked in the end. Pac against a big guy being watchable isn’t something I’m used to typing but this was actually decent. I’m still not sure why this was happening but they mentioned something about Austin and Bradshaw and the NWO stopping them from teaming up. I was pleasantly surprised here though.

Taker talks about beating up HHH. He’s a heel here and a real American. It’s weird hearing him talk like this.

Hardcore Title: Steven Richards vs. Booker T

Now here’s a weird pairing. Stevie has short hair here and won the title on Raw from Bubba Dudley. Booker fighting for the Hardcore Title is just weird. Richards is in long black and blue tights which look weird on him. We start breaking out the weapons with nothing being out of the ordinary. Richards throws them out as Booker throws them in. He wants a straight match with Booker?

We get a few weapons used as we realize that Booker is Booker and Richards is Richards and it just goes downhill from there for the champion. DANG that trashcan lid cracked over Booker’s head. A sidekick misses and Booker is in trouble. We get a chinlock in a hardcore match. There isn’t much going on here but to see this pairing is just odd. Also, Booker is high enough on the card that he’s in a hardcore title match? Really?

Missile dropkick into a trash can into Richards only gets two in a surprising kickout. SICK Steven Kick and down goes Booker. That looked GREAT. Booker catches him in a Book End and pins him in easily the biggest win of his career. Crash takes a Scissors Kick and Booker is a two time champion. Justin Credible and Tommy Dreamer run out and beat down Booker. He fights them off and it’s Spinarooni Time! It’s also Jazz and Richards time as they come in and hit a flapjack onto the table. It doesn’t break and only gets two in a painful looking spot. Another one goes through it and Steven gets the title back and bails.

Rating: C+. The match was actually pretty entertaining. Richards could have decent matches in the ring when he was being serious as he was here. Booker beating him makes sense though as he’s a former world champion so it’s not like he was going to lose the initial match one on one. These title changes were fun for the house shows as you see multiple title changes and get to see history, but it changes really fast which makes it fun. That’s what this was: fun.

We recap Brock’s first PPV match which was a total squash of Jeff Hardy. Brock’s partner tonight is…..Shawn Stasiak? He’s completely insane here and Heyman goes over the battle plan: Brock starts, Brock finishes and Shawn never comes in. It’s so weird to look at Brock here and then as the unstoppable force that made Carwin tap.

Hardy Boys vs. Shawn Stasiak/Brock Lesnar

I can’t imagine this ends with anything other than the Hardys pinning Stasiak. Apparently Lita just got hurt and had surgery like 5 days before this so she’s gone for awhile. Stasiak runs past Brock and Heyman so he can start. They double team Shawn and it’s not pretty. Lesnar comes in and Matt beats the tar out of him. Lesnar is like boy please and just kills him with shoulders.

Brock just destroys Matt and this is fun to watch. Ross put Lesnar over like a god and that’s what he came off as. Heyman is either on a mic or really loud and his yelling is awesome. Brock misses a charge and hits the post so Shawn tags himself in. Jeff gets the hot tag and beats Shawn down before the Hardy’s usual stuff ends him. Both of them get F5s (not named yet) and Stasiak gets a powerbomb. Lesnar was freaking SCARY and still is to this day.

Rating: D+. Pretty basic match but the idea was perfect: Brock dominates but the Hardys win while keeping Brock undefeated. This was fine for what it was and a decent enough match. I still don’t get how Brock was ever allowed to leave. You pay him whatever you want and do it as fast as you can to get him to stay. Either way, he made the right choice it seems. Match was fine.

We see clips of a charity dinner last night for Make-A-Wish. Nothing wrong with that so no jokes.

Coach is with Regal who of course gets cheered. He has Spike tonight for the European Title and cuts a heel promo about it. Nothing special at all here.

European Title: Spike Dudley vs. William Regal

I can imagine someone in the crowd looking up at their mother and saying “Mummy, he weighs money?” Spike is very hated here but he should be used to that over the years. And Spike has hurt his ankle. It looks legit and the match more or less stops as the trainer comes down to check on it. They start to take him to the back and Regal jumps him, taking away any semblance of realness here. Regal beats him up but gets small packaged for the pin. Power of the Punch hits after that.

Rating: N/A. With so much of the match being based around the ankle thing you can’t really grade it fairly. I don’t really get the idea of not putting the belt on Regal here as it’s not like it meant anything and it would have given the fans a thrill. This at least wasn’t the same basic ending as always.

We recap Show vs. Austin. Flair is guest referee which started because at Backlash, Taker beat Austin but Austin had his foot on the rope. Flair was referee there too and didn’t see it which makes sense. This led to Show joining the NWO for the reason of he’s the Giant and that’s what they did in WCW so they’re going to do it here.

Big Show vs. Steve Austin

Flair is the referee and the owner of Raw at this point. He says that he’s there to keep X-Pac and Hall out. Oh he’s just the outside referee. Show is the biggest athlete in the history of sports entertainment apparently. Old school Austin music here and a great pop, but not like it used to be.

Austin flips him off to start and we stand around a lot. Ok we need to like DO something here. This was right before Austin bailed just because he was unhappy with his angles or something. We finally get some offense in as Show pounds away on Austin’s chest. This is during the WHAT period so we get it a lot.

He goes for the knees as you would expect. Why does Show think a one piece swimsuit is a good idea? The fans think Show is a big fat bastard. It’s weird to see Austin on offense this long. The straps come down and Austin is in trouble. It’s all Show for awhile here as he beats up Austin for a good bit here.

We hit a bearhug for awhile just to waste some time. Why do all bearhugs end with punches and biting? It amuses me greatly that we have Austin, perhaps the greatest brawler ever while using a move named after one of the most famous technical guys ever. Stunner hits but the referee is down. Hall and Pac come out and that goes nowhere as Flair chases them off.

Nash shows up and takes a Stunner. A jumping Stunner ends Show in a cool visual. Flair comes back and chases off Nash before we have a beer bash. Flair drinks too without being asked. Guess what happens. Flair kisses up to him for some reason and it goes nowhere. He doesn’t sell the kick at all and there it is.

Rating: D+. Pretty boring match here with not a lot actually happening. This was just a way to get the crowd excited as Austin was certainly still a big deal. He was about to start feuding with Flair which led to him leaving for about 8 months before coming back for his last match with Rock at Mania 19. Not a very good match but the fans liked it.

We recap HHH vs. Taker. Taker cost HHH the Undisputed Title at Backlash and that’s about it.

Undertaker vs. HHH

Taker’s music is dubbed over here with generic rock music even though you see Limp Biskit on the screen. Taker gets a much better pop than HHH. HHH is a Smackdown guy but since this is a grudge match it’s ok I guess. We start with a small slugout and HHH wins. Taker goes Old School but HHH “jerks him off” to escape.

We brawl on the floor again as this is far different than their really good Mania match from about 14 months before this. HHH is really good at overselling stuff. Taker goes for the knee which HHH had repaired recently. HHH comes back and the top rope breaks on an Irish Whip. You can hear them talking to make sure they know what’s going on which is always interesting.

Taker with short hair just never worked for me. He just didn’t fee right. A bunch of powerw stuff doesn’t work on him and HHH isn’t sure what to do. I think HHH countered the chokeslam into a DDT. That chokeslam hits though as the Pedigree is countered. Taker broke HHH’s heart when he cost him the title. That’s just amusing for some reason.

Taker was using a Dragon Sleeper around this time and tries to do so here but it doesn’t work. Out of nowhere HHH gets the Pedigree to end this. Yes, Taker did a perfectly clean job in the middle of the ring. I can’t believe it either.

Rating: B. This wasn’t exactly their Mania match, but it was a fun slugout and they beat the tar out of each other. Taker jobbing is always fun to see if nothing else. This was designed to be a big main event and that’s what it was. How many times do you see these two fight? It’s not a match that you get very often which is what makes it special. Taker would win the title at the next PPV.

Overall Rating: B. This was probably the best European show that I can think of. The main event was fun and we actually got some title changes although you know there should be some asterisks there. The show was fun here and everything worked very well overall. The crowd clearly was into it and for a glorified house show, this was very fun and definitely worth checking out at some point.

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 22, 1999
Location: UTC Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Attendance: 7,900
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re about five weeks from Wrestlemania and it’s been awhile since I’ve looked at Raw from this year. The main story going on right now is that Rock is the world champion again and Big Show is now around as Vince’s latest heavy. The main event tonight is Kane vs. Undertaker in an inferno match, which is a pretty big deal for Raw. Let’s get to it.

We open with clips from last week with Big Show costing Mankind the world title last week in the ladder match.

Here’s Vince to open things up. He tells us that tonight is not a night for the squeamish because tonight we’re roasting human flesh. This is payback against Undertaker for his threats against Vince. Presumably they’re talking about the envelope from last week but the contents weren’t explained yet. Now let’s talk about Wrestlemania and what might be the most electrifying WWF Title match in history. A guy in the crowd has a sign made up like a street corner with Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive.

Vince brings out Paul Wight, who would become known as Big Show and will be refereeing the Rock vs. Austin match in five weeks. Show says he’s walked out of a nightmare and promises that the WWF will never be the same again. In two days, Austin went flying through a steel cage (and beat your boss at the same time Big Show) and then Mankind lost the WWF Title.

Now here’s Rock to a pretty big face pop. Vince gives him an intro like only a wrestling promoter can. Now we get the ROCKY SUCKS chants to make things all better. Rock isn’t pleased with Big Show taking credit for Rock being WWF Champion. Show says he said it and he’s surprised Rock heard it through that thick skull of his. Rock wants to know who Big Show thinks he is because he should know his role and shut his mouth. Show tells the Pebble to close his mouth before Show closes it with his fist. Rock’s ready to go and they get nose to nose, but here’s Mankind.

He wants to be the guest referee for the main event and to prove what he’s capable of, he wants to referee Rock vs. Big Show tonight. Even Socko has a referee shirt painted on. Big Show likes the idea of a title match tonight and the fans seems interested as well. Rock says let’s to it and I guess we have a second main event.

Post break the Corporation has to keep Rock and Big Show apart in the back.

Brood vs. Public Enemy

Yeah ECW’s Public Enemy had a cup of coffee in the WWF. The Brood is Gangrel and Edge here and they’re part of the Ministry. They jump Public Enemy as they come in and send the two ECW guys together to take over. Edge dives on Rocco in the corner but Grunge trips them up and takes both Brood members out with a double bulldog. A hiptoss into a double kind of powerbomb puts Gangrel down but not for a cover. Instead they hit the Quebecers’ old Cannonball move onto Gangrel but Christian runs in for the DQ. This was barely 90 seconds long.

Public Enemy leaves but gets a blood bath for their efforts.

During the break the Ministry beat up the Brood for losing the match.

Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn

The winner gets an Intercontinental Title shot at Wrestlemania. Val Venis, the champion, is on commentary. Billy can’t quite do the Outlaws entrance like Roadie can. It’s a brawl on the floor to start before we head inside. Billy misses a splash in the corner as Val makes a lot of sex jokes. The belly to belly gets two for Shamrock but Gunn comes back with a Fameasser. Shamrock looks…..how would you put it……he looks like a confused Sylvester Stallone.

Anyway Ken comes back up with a hard clothesline as Val makes erection jokes. The leg lariat sets up a standing rana on Billy, sending him to the floor. Val throws him back in but Shamrock jumps Val as a result. Gunn goes to the floor as well and the big brawl causes the match to be thrown out.

Rating: D+. Shamrock was good but the jokes on commentary sounded like they were from a 12 year old. The three way feud was interesting, but Billy wouldn’t wrestle either guy at Wrestlemania for reasons of Russo stupidity. This solved nothing but there are still several weeks until Wrestlemania.

Vince tries to talk Rock down but Rock will have none of it.

Here’s Women’s Champion Sable as her heel turns continues. Sable talks about how the fans aren’t taken aback by her recent actions, but rather they’re just in awe. She brags about being on Regis and Kathy Lee before stopping to talk to her obsessed fan Tori. This time Tori gets to come into the ring and introduce herself. Tori talks about all the things she admires about Sable but Sable calls her pathetic and says Tori needs to get a life.

As Tori is about to cry, here’s Luna to speak very humbly. She says that everyone can’t be as beautiful as Sable. Everyone has to play the cards they’re dealt but they don’t use people like Sable does. The only reason Sable is Women’s Champion is because of her looks. Well that and the willingness to take off her clothes for Playboy but that isn’t mentioned. Sable says she only cares about the men and Luna needs to reshuffle the deck if she doesn’t like her cards. As the champion is about to leave she lays out Luna and Tori with the belt.

Now Vince tries to talk Show down but he wants the shot tonight. He makes a good point by saying whoever wins, the belt will still be in the Corporation.

Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett vs. D’Lo Brown

Owen and Jeff are tag champions and took out Brown’s partner Mark Henry recently. The champions jump Brown to start until we get down to just Jeff in the ring. A quick Sky High gets two on Jarrett but Owen comes in with a surprise bulldog to take over. Owen comes in legally and gets two off the enziguri before it’s back to Jeff for a middle rope ax handle to the face. Brown fights out of the corner and takes both champions down, but here are Terri and Jacqueline with the latter dropkicking Brown into a spinwheel kick from Owen for the pin.

Rating: D. Have I ever mentioned how much I can’t stand Jacqueline? Her mere presence brings a match downhill as she’s so ridiculously annoying that I hate the match that much more. The PMS vs. Brown feud would go on for far longer than anyone cared and would stop Brown’s momentum. The tag division was in such a mess at this point and it would take the Dudleys to save it.

Post match the champions beat down D’Lo.

Mankind practices being a referee in the back.

WWF Title: The Rock vs. Paul Wight

Vince comes out to try to calm them down again and Mankind is guest referee. Rock tells Vince to go do commentary because he doesn’t want to be in the middle of this fight. The bell rings…..and it’s a setup as they both jump Mankind. Vince: “THIS IS FUN!”

Mankind gets beaten down by all three guys.

The Corporation celebrates post match.

Steve Blackman vs. Droz

Droz, who is just back from a two week suspension for attacking Kevin Kelly, jumps Blackman to start. A quick sunset flip gets two for Steve but a jumping elbow drop gets the same for Droz. Steve is sent to the floor as this match is hardly keeping people’s attention. Droz misses a middle rope elbow and Steve comes back with basic strikes. An elbow drop gets two for Blackman as does a powerslam for Droz. The bicycle kick gets the pin for Blackman.

Rating: D. Does this need an explanation? I didn’t think so.

Post match Droz lays out Blackman with Steve’s martial arts sticks.

Vince tells Kane to make Undertaker burn.

Undertaker gives one of those evil promos where he talks about serving his master. He isn’t afraid of the inferno match at all. There’s a surprise for Vince tonight.

Goldust vs. Val Venis

Non-title here. Goldust takes him down to start and pounds away in the corner, only to be run over by a Venis clothesline out of the corner. An elbow drop misses and Goldie goes after the knee with some kicks and a shinbreaker. Val comes back with some running knees into the ribs and a Russian legsweep for no cover. We get the bump and grind from Venis and a spinebuster gets no cover on Goldie. Val tries a leapfrog but crotches himself in the process, sending him out to the floor. Venis pulls him out as well as the Blue Meanie is here. With Goldust thrown back inside, Meanie lays Val out with a DDT, giving Goldust the pin.

Rating: D+. Again not much to see here but this would lead to the bizarre but perfectly appropriate for the time period feud between Goldust and Meanie, leading to Blue Dust. I don’t quite get the need for the champion to lose by (dirty) pin but it’s not like the title meant anything in 1999 anyway.

Shane models his new European Title for Chyna.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Holly vs. Bart Gunn

THE NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS BUBBLES A BIT! Yeah there’s no way this team could ever explode. Bob is defending coming in. Gunn starts with some left hands as we head to the outside. Bob cracks a glass or a jar over Bart’s head and grabs a chair. A hard shot to the head puts Bart down for no cover followed by a shot to the back. Bart comes back with a water pitcher of his own to Hardcore’s head followed by I think the bell.

They head into the crowd with Holly being rammed head first into a piece of the exposed barricade. Back to ringside and Holly blasts him with a spray from a fire extinguisher. Bart gets sent shoulder first into the steps but comes back with a suplex onto the ramp for two. Now Holly is sent into the steps and sprayed with the extinguisher for good measure. They head up the ramp with Bart being sent into the set under the Titantron.

Bart finds a watermelon for no apparent reason and breaks it open over Holly’s head. A piece of metal gets cracked over Holly’s back for no cover but he comes back with a low blow and, I kid you not, a crate of bananas to the head. Now Holly stops for a potassium fix and a trashcan shot to Bart’s head. They slug it out and Bart hits him in the head with a sack of flour. Now here’s a guy in kabuki attire to throw Bart off the stage and through a table, giving Holly the easy pin.

Rating: B-. This was one of the rare hardcore matches where the whole thing is a mixture of brutal and fun at the same time, making for a good match. Bart wasn’t around long other than to get DESTROYED by Butterbean at Wrestlemania while Holly would do the same bit for years on end.

X-Pac vs. Chyna

If Pac wins he gets a title shot at Shane at Mania. HHH is with Pac to counter Shane but Chyna hits X-Pac low almost immediately. Trips chases Shane around ringside as Chyna misses a Bronco Buster. Now X-Pac chases Shane, allowing HHH to come in and hit Chyna with a Pedigree, giving Pac the easy pin. Angle, not a match.

Austin will be on Nash Bridges on Friday. His character on there was so popular they considered giving him his own spinoff.

Here’s Vince again with what looks to be a rolled up paper in his hand. He says that if anyone doesn’t like the smell of burning flesh, leave now. He’s holding the envelope that Undertaker gave him last week and shouts about how no one goes after Vince outside the WWF.

Kane vs. Undertaker

As mentioned, this is an inferno match, meaning the ring is surrounded by fire and you have to light your opponent up to win. Vince sits in on commentary and refuses to talk about what’s in the envelope. Kane jumps Taker to start and the flames go up. Taker hits Old School and the flames go up every time something hits the mat. Kane fights off an attempt to put him in the fire and kicks Taker in the face. A powerslam puts Taker down again and Kane chokes away a bit.

Kane fires off some uppercuts as Taker is next to the ropes. The camera shots are mainly from ground level so it’s really hard to see through the fire. Paul Bearer shows up at ringside with a box for Vince. Taker is sent hard into the corner as Vince won’t open his present. Vince finally opens the box (“We can put Undertaker’s ashes in here.”) and finds….a teddy bear.

McMahon gets up from the table and looks up at Undertaker while walking at Paul. He asks Paul what he’s doing with the bear as Taker is thrown over the flames and out to the floor. Kane misses a dive off the top and hits the announce table as Vince stares at the bear. Vince looks broken as Taker is sent into the steps. Kane tries a big boot but Taker grabs the foot and puts it in the fire for the win.

Rating: D. This was barely a wrestling match as the majority of it was spent on a bear that was delivered to a billionaire by a former mortician. Did I mention this is the height of Russo’s influence? At the same time though, it’s also near the height of the show’s ratings, which really shouldn’t surprise anyone. The match barely existed.

Post match Taker takes the bear and burns it, bringing Vince to his knees to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a hard one to grade. They’re starting the build up for Wrestlemania, but all the insane drama with the Undertaker and Vince lead to such a ridiculous conclusion that it’s hard to take this seriously. That being said, when this was first happening, I was glued to the TV set every Monday watching this and being very grateful that Nitro had a replay just after Raw ended. The show wasn’t terrible but it was all drama and little action, making it a typical 1999 Raw.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Smackdown
Date: April 26, 2013
Location: O2 Arena, London, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re still in London and still in the 02 Arena for the blue WWE show. The main event tonight is a rare singles match on free TV for the Undertaker as he faces Dean Ambrose of the Shield. Other than that we’ve got Swagger vs. Del Rio in a No DQ match which should be good if it’s anything like last week’s match. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the six man tag from Raw where Shield beat Undertaker and HELL NO. We also hear a bit about the No DQ match tonight.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger

No DQ as mentioned twice already. Del Rio starts fast and clotheslines Swagger out to the floor. A suicide dive takes Swagger down and Del Rio’s seems to be fine. Alberto pulls out a kendo stick but gets whacked in the now injured knee with it. Del Rio blocks a shot to the chest but gets sent to the floor, down onto the knee. They slug it out in the aisle and Del Rio suplexes him onto the ramp.

Del Rio pulls out a ladder and launches a charging Swagger face first into it as we take a break. Back with Swagger holding a front facelock on Del Rio after gaining control with kendo stick shots during the break. A belly to belly suplex gets two for Jack and he gets a chair from ringside. Since he’s a heel though, Swagger talks a lot of trash and gets caught by an enziguri on the apron. Del Rio pounds away but Jack takes out the knee to slow him down again.

Swagger wedges a chair between the top and middle rope, only to walk into the Codebreaker to the arm. Some clotheslines to Swagger set up the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, followed by some kendo stick shots to the back. For someone who uses an arm submission, Del Rio certainly works on the back a lot. A Backstabber gets two on Swagger but the armbreaker is countered. Del Rio settles for a low superkick for two but Swagger grabs the ankle lock from the mat. Del Rio rolls through into the armbreaker but Jack escapes and sends Alberto face first into the chair for two.

Jack knocks the chair to the floor and opts for the ladder instead, only to have Del Rio see-saw it into Jack’s chin. Colter tries a cheap shot and the distraction is enough to let Swagger get a running ladder shot to Del Rio’s face. The Vader Bomb hits knees and Del Rio puts on the armbreaker again. Colter slides in the kendo stick though and Swagger pounds away to break the hold. Jack beats on Alberto with the stick to escape, drops the ladder on his body and gets the pin off the gutwrench powerbomb at 11:00 shown of 13:30.

Rating: B-. Good match here but not as good as last week. It seems that the more time these two get the better matches they can have. This was designed to even things up going into the triple threat, but as usual it just makes both guys look the same while crippling the momentum that either guy has. But hey, wins and losses mean nothing in WWE right?

Layla vs. Aksana

Layla is her usual bubbly self again, so I guess the heel tease from a few weeks ago is added to the list of dropped angles. Aksana is sent to the apron where she poses, only to charge back in for some near falls. Layla gets caught by a running knee to the head for two before she starts working on Layla’s hand. Aksana bends Layla’s arm around the ropes and easily stops some martial arts from Layla. The British chick gets a running start and hooks a side roll after a bunch of flips for the pin on Aksana at 3:04.

Rating: D+. Dang it why did it have to break three minutes? This was just a way to have the home country girl get a win and look good in British flag shorts. As usual, the Divas continue to be nothing of note and a mere time filler on most of the shows. Aksana wasn’t as terrible as she usually is here though.

Apparently the spinning side roll is called Infinity. They’re naming glorified rollups now?

Video on the Divas show coming to E!

Video on Shield being awesome.

We get most of the six man tag match from Raw, as in over ten minutes of it.

Shield says justice prevailed on Monday when they broke the unbreakable. It’s an injustice that HELL NO still has the tag belts but they won’t be doing so for long. Ambrose wants to finish the job tonight against Undertaker. After tonight, Shield is going to be immortal instead of Undertaker.

Fandango vs. Justin Gabriel

Gabriel dances a bit to start and Fandango lunges at him. An armdrag and legsweep put Fandango down and the fans are singing the Fandango theme song. The fans keep getting louder as Fandango ties Gabriel up in the ropes for some forearms to the back of the head. Justin fires off some kicks including a nice spinning one to take Fandango down. He goes up top and dives into a knee to the ribs though, allowing Fandango to hit the spinning downward spiral and guillotine legdrop for the pin at 3:03.

Rating: C-. Not bad here and this is the kind of win that Fandango should have gotten last week. Gabriel is a good choice for a jobber as he’s not going anywhere but is still good enough in the ring to believe there’s a chance of a big upset. They seem stalled with Fandango though as there’s nowhere to go with him from here. Hopefully he doesn’t fall into the midcard abyss though as that would be horrible for him.

Big Show vs. Sheamus

Before the match we recap Sheamus’ issues with Mark Henry. Show shoves him down to start but Sheamus pounds away in the corner. Big Show will have none of that and fires off chops to Sheamus’ chest while the Irishman is tied up in the ropes. They head to the floor with Show in control, but as they come back in Sheamus hits a shoulder to the ribs, followed by the forearms to the chest.

Back in and Sheamus charges into a side slam followed by a big elbow drop for two. Final Cut gets the same and Sheamus is having trouble breathing. Sheamus fires off some right hands but Show falls on him during a slam attempt for two. Big Show keeps him on the mat as the pace slows down a lot. A hard slap to Sheamus’ chest sounds like it’s ripping skin off as we take a break.

Back with Sheamus being sent shoulder first into the post and out tot he floor. Show sends him into the steps as this is still one sided for the most part. Sheamus makes it back in at 8 so Show sends him into the buckle. Off to a top wristlock but Sheamus fights up and hits a DDT to get himself a breather. They slug it out from their knees with Sheamus taking over and hitting some shoulder blocks.

The top rope shoulder puts Show down but Sheamus can’t hit White Noise. Scratch that actually as he escapes the chokeslam and connects with White Noise before loading up the Brogue Kick. Show bails to the floor so Sheamus dives off the steps to take him out. Back in again and Sheamus loads up the top rope shoulder, but here’s Henry to distract him, allowing Big Show to knock Sheamus out with the WMD for the pin at 10:52 shown of 13:52.

Rating: B-. As usual these two have good chemistry together and they had the slow build going here. I’ve always liked seeing these two have their battles of the titans with both guys hitting each other with harder and harder shots until one of them can’t get up. They did that here and it worked quite well, as always.

William Regal vs. Wade Barrett

Non-title here. Before the match, Barrett says there must be something to the idea of grave robberies in London since it’s standing right there in the ring. Barrett pounds away to start but gets sent into the corner where Regal pounds away as well. The knee trembler misses though and it’s the Bull Hammer from Barrett for the pin at 56 seconds.

We get the HHH/Heyman segment from Raw.

Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry

The World’s Strongest Slam is attempted less than twenty seconds into the match but Orton slips over the back and pounds away with right hands. We head to the floor with Henry getting in some hard shots, only to head back inside and get stomped down. Henry runs Orton over again and beats him down in the corner but Randy comes back with clotheslines of his own. Orton covers but Henry kicks him out hard enough to have Randy land on his feet. The Elevated DDT puts Henry down but he rolls to the floor to avoid an RKO. Mark gets back in and walks into a Brogue Kick from an interfering Sheamus for the DQ at 4:19.

Rating: C-. No time to go anywhere here but the match wasn’t bad or anything. This is where the WWE style of booking gets annoying as you knew the ending to this as soon as Sheamus vs. Big Show ended. Sheamus vs. Henry should be good and hopefully the match doesn’t have some stupid gimmick that limits what they can do in the ring against each other.

Orton gives Henry an RKO post match and doesn’t seem mad at Sheamus at all.

We look at the end of Raw with Foley, Ryback and Cena.

Undertaker vs. Dean Ambrose

This is quite the rub for Ambrose. Apparently HELL NO isn’t here tonight so Undertaker is on his own. Ambrose takes it to the corner to start which is about the dumbest thing you can do against undertaker. As expected, Taker launches Dean into the corner and pounds away before hitting the apron legdrop. Back in and Taker misses a big boot in the corner, crotching himself in the process.

Ambrose sends him to the floor and goes off on the big man before sending him into the apron. Back in and Dean pounds away even more with that cocky/psycho look on his face. After a quick two count, Dean pounds on Taker’s jaw and yells about justice. He shouts a bit too much though and gets grabbed around the throat. Taker tries to run the ropes but gets caught with a running knee to the ribs. That gets him nowhere though as Taker snaps off a chokeslam but he has to fight off Shield. Ambrose grabs a DDT for a VERY close two but walks into the Hell’s Gate for the tap out at 4:40.

Rating: C+. You want to talk about a rub, look at what you just saw here. The Shield debuted just six months ago and now one of them is fighting the Undertaker in the main event of Smackdown. Ambrose had Taker in trouble too and never once looked like he was in over his head. This is one of the best initial pushes I’ve ever seen and is showing no signs of slowing down at all.

Post match the Shield attacks but Taker actually fights them off since Ambrose is down. He loads up a chokeslam on Rollins on the floor but Reigns hits the big spear through the barricade. Ambrose hits him with a chair and shouts that Taker didn’t beat him. Shield TripleBombs Taker through the table, presumably writing him off TV for the a long time.

Overall Rating: B. This was a STACKED show with a Wrestlemania rematch, two matches which could headline the Smackdown half of a PPV, and a big rub to Shield. The matches were almost all decent to good and nothing on here was really bad. This is what Smackdown is known for and it worked quite well here. Very entertaining and big time show.

Results

Jack Swagger b. Alberto Del Rio – Gutwrench powerbomb

Layla b. Aksana – Infinity

Fandango b. Justin Gabriel – Guillotine legdrop

Big Show b. Sheamus – WMD

Wade Barrett b. William Regal – Bull Hammer

Mark Henry b. Randy Orton via DQ when Sheamus interfered

Undertaker b. Dean Ambrose – Hell’s Gate

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Smackdown
Date: April 19, 2013
Location: Thompson-Boling Arena, Knoxville, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield

Back to the blue team again as we’re starting to set up Extreme Rules. The main stories around here are Ziggler vs. Del Rio vs. Swagger and Henry vs. Sheamus which were both furthered on Raw. We’re still in that limbo period between the aftermath of Wrestlemania and the build to Extreme Rules so it’s kind of hard to guess what’s coming tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Swagger breaking up Alberto’s rematch and then beating the champion on Raw, only to be beaten up by Del Rio seconds later, thereby making everyone look weak at the same time.

Here’s Fandango to open the show. Cole tells us how Fandangoing is taking over the world, continuing to bury the idea into the ground. Fandango hits on Lillian who doesn’t seem repulsed by him. He asks if she’s ever Fandangoed before and that’s too much for her……until he spins her around and dips her back. Apparently she’s terrible though so Fandango drops her to the mat. Fandango asks Lillian to pronounce his name but is interrupted by Santino.

Marella says that Fandango can dance but he’s a very rude person. He liked watching the cheerleaders on Youtube Fandangoing a lot better than he likes watching the real thing. Santino offers to Fandango for us here but introduces us to his dance partner the Cobra. The dance discombobulates Fandango and he gets sent to the floor. The match is after a break.

Santino Marella vs. Fandango

Fandango pounds him down as the announcers tell us about all of the Fandangoing around the world. The fans think Fandango can’t wrestle as he stomps on Santino. Santino tries to nip up but can’t do it so Fandango pounds on him even more. Off to a quick cravate but Santino comes back and gets the nipup this time. The Cobra is countered into a downward spiral for the pin for Fandango at 3:10. Yes make sure to take away the one good looking move he has and replace it with one of the most overused finishers in wrestling.

Rating: D. It really is pitiful how WWE has screwed up ANOTHER hot start for a character. Fandango got hot for a single week, so WWE’s move is for him to not have a match on Raw and then squash a jobber to open Smackdown. That’s fine for most people, but when your first match is against Jericho at Wrestlemania and now you’re doing this two weeks later, it’s a big step down. They should have given him the US Title on Raw or something like that, as it would at least show they’re doing SOMETHING with him, other than telling us how awesome Fandangoing is and killing the concept right out of the gate.

Booker yells as Teddy for making Swagger vs. Ziggler on Monday when Big Show comes in. He thanks Teddy for giving him a partner tonight, unlike Booker who gave him a handicap match. Booker glares at Teddy so he leaves with Big Show.

Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett

Non-title all around. Barrett pounds Kofi down to start but gets caught in a standing rana for two. A dropkick gets the same for Kingston and it’s off to an armbar. Believe it or not, Barrett actually uses his punching background for a few seconds here but Kofi easily fights him off with a kick to the head. Back to the arm for a bit but Barrett knocks him off the top rope.

Wade takes Kofi to the floor and rams Kofi’s face into the announce table. That’s only good for two on Kingston so Wade pounds on the ribs to keep Kofi down. Barrett pulls him off the top again for two and it’s back to the chinlock. That goes nowhere so Wade hits a kind of Samoan Drop, but he covers arrogantly and gets rolled up for the pin at 5:32.

Rating: C. Not bad here but was there NO ONE else that Kofi could have pinned other than the Intercontinental Champion? Were the Prime Time Players off getting dance lessons? Were the 3MB guys trying to get Rhythm and Blues to open for them? Apparently so because we just had to have a champion get pinned here to make KOFI FREAKING KINGSTON look strong as a midcard champion.

We recap Sheamus being attacked by Mark Henry.

Henry says he attacked Sheamus because he can and that’s what he does. Sheamus jumps him for a change.

We recap the world title situation with Del Rio and Swagger both wanting title shots. Del Rio was jumped by Swagger as he tried to get his rematch, so Swagger got the match and pinned Ziggler. It’s a good thing he did too because Ziggler was starting to look credible for a few moments there. A triple threat match has officially been announced for Extreme Rules.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger

Swagger goes for the bad leg to start but Del Rio goes to Jack’s bad arm to escape. Del Rio stays on the arm and it’s another standoff. Jack takes him down with a quick headlock before going after the bad leg. Swagger tries to wrap it around the post but Del Rio punches his way out of danger. Alberto rams the bad arm into the steps and we head back inside for a hard kick to Swagger’s back for two.

Del Rio misses a charge into the corner though and is backdropped onto the ropes, hurting his leg again in the process. Colter talks trash as Del Rio falls to the floor and we take a break. Back with Albeto fighting out of a leg lock and kicking away at the arm again. Swagger goes right back to the knee for two more and hooks a leg lock on the mat. A crucifix gets two for Del Rio but Swagger kicks him in the face to put both guys down again.

Swagger takes it to the corner again and wraps the leg around the ropes before taking the bandage off the bad knee. Alberto fights up again but misses the running enziguri in the corner. Swagger puts him on the apron but as he goes for Del Rio, Alberto grabs a quick armbar over the ropes. The bad knee saves Swagger again though and it’s time to shout WE THE PEOPLE a lot. Alberto ducks a big boot and comes back with the backbreaker but hurts his own knee in the process.

There are the forearms to the back and a Backstabber for two on Swagger. The armbreaker is broken up once and a second attempt is countered into the Patriot Lock in a nice counter. Alberto gets to the ropes so Swagger immediately hits the Vader Bomb for a close two. Del Rio comes back with the Codebreaker to the arm but the armbreaker is countered with Swagger sending him out to the floor.

They head back inside and a HARD superkick to Swagger gets two as Jack grabs the rope. The Patriot Lock goes on again but Del Rio counters into the armbreaker. Swagger counters into a rollup but Alberto counters THAT into a small package for the pin at 14:32 shown of 18:02. Really good finish.

Rating: A-. That’s likely a bit high but I was WAY into this at the end. If they had done this match at Wrestlemania it would be a match of the night candidate with ease. The arm vs. leg stuff here was great and the submissions both played into the finish. Stupid booking aside, this was really good stuff and I had a great time with it.

We get an abbreviated version of Ryback’s reasoning for attacking Cena and their confrontation and the Shield beating down Cena to end Raw.

Shield says Monday was a moment that Cena won’t forget anytime soon. They claim that Ryback has learned to not mess with the Shield anymore and saw a look on his face. They say the same look on Undertaker’s face a few weeks ago and Undertaker is afraid. Ambrose promises to prove that Undertaker is mortal on Raw.

Great Khali/Natalya/Hornswoggle vs. Epico/Primo/Rosa Mendes

We actually get a reason for this match: Epico/Primo/Rosa stole Horny’s parking spot earlier and there’s video to prove it. I’ve heard worse. I can’t think of anything off the top of my head but I’ve heard worse. Nattie takes Rosa down to start but can’t hook the Sharpshooter. Rosa comes back with a kick to the back and a chinlock but Natalya fights back with a clothesline. Off to Epico and Khali with the giant hitting some hard chops in the corner. Primo tries to help but gets sent into the same corner as Epico for simultaneous chops. Horny annoys Rosa into a chase and Khali hits the Punjabi Plunge to pin Epico at 3:18.

Rating: D. Rosa was basically in half of a swimsuit and a vest so it doesn’t fail based on that alone. That’s about the extent of the good parts of the match though as none of these are people I care to see. At the end of the day they’re fighting over a parking lot, but how many people can’t get on television? Remarkable.

We get most of Punk’s promo from Raw where he walked out.

We get Heyman challenging HHH to fight Brock in a cage match at Extreme Rules.

Mark Henry/Big Show vs. Randy Orton/Sheamus

Henry and Sheamus start and immediately talk trash, but Henry brings in Big Show before there’s any contact. They immediately start brawling and Big Show sends him to the apron for chops to the chest like Sheamus would hit forearms. Sheamus comes back and hits the forearms to take over. Sheamus goes up top for the shoulder but has to jump over Show instead, allowing the giant to hit a superkick to take him down. An elbow drop misses and it’s off to Orton.

The side slam puts Orton down and here’s Henry to continue slowly pounding on Orton. A bearhug has Orton in trouble and it’s back to Big Show to stay on the ribs. The chokeslam is countered into a DDT and both guys are down. Hot tag brings in Sheamus for his running forearms and the top rope shoulder for no cover. White Noise connects but a Henry distraction lets Show spear Sheamus down as we take a break.

Back with Show kneeing Sheamus in the head and getting two off the Final Cut. Henry comes in for a nerve hold before Big Show comes in for the same thing. Sheamus tries to fight up and finally manages a chop block to put Big Show down. Hot tag brings in Orton to pound on Henry and some clotheslines drop the smaller of the two monsters. A DDT gets two but Henry powers out. Show tries to come in but gets caught in the Elevated DDT. Everything breaks down and Show chokeslams Orton for the pin at 13:32 shown of 17:02.

Rating: B. This was the tag team formula to the letter and that’s all you need a lot of the time. I’m a big fan of combining two feuds into one match like this as you can get those stories advanced while also adding in something different. Henry vs. Sheamus is going to be good stuff when we get to it and Orton vs. Big Show might not be bad either. Good main event here.

Overall Rating: B+. This is exactly what Smackdown should be: a wrestling heavy show with long matches and angle advancement. Tonight was incredibly entertaining and blew by which is a good sign. Swagger vs. Del Rio is well worth seeing and the main event is solid stuff too. The rest of the stuff is very hit or miss but when you have an hour and a half of actual TV and about 40 minutes of that is top shelf stuff, you can’t complain that much at all. Very good show.

Results

Fandango b. Santino Marella – Downward Spiral

Kofi Kingston b. Wade Barret – Crucifix

Alberto Del Rio b. Jack Swagger – Small Package

Great Khali/Natalya/Hornswoggle b. Epico/Primo/Rosa Mendes – Punjabi Plunge to Epico

Mark Henry/Big Show b. Randy Orton/Sheamus – Chokeslam to Orton

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Monday Night Raw\
Date: April 15, 2013
Location: BI-LO Center, Greenville, South Carolina
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

After last week’s bizarre show with the most interesting crowd in years, we’re now in a far different kind of city in front of a far different kind of people. The main story is that Ryback turned on Cena last week to presumably set up a match for the title at Extreme Rules. Other than that we have Ziggler as the new world champion and Sheamus appearing to feud with Mark Henry. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Ryback turning on Cena from last week. Punk is also here tonight.

Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. Big Show

Sheamus starts and is immediately sent back into the corner. He tries to fight out of it but his headlock is countered by a belly to back suplex from Big Show. A hard chop sends Sheamus to the apron but he comes back with some shoulders to the ribs and the forearms to the chest. A top rope shoulder gets two for Sheamus but the Brogue Kick is easily blocked and Sheamus is sent to the floor. Back in and Show chops Sheamus’ chest half to death before getting two off the Final Cut.

Off to a quick nerve hold but Sheamus fights up, only to be caught in a side slam for two. Show loads up the Vader Bomb but Sheamus counters in an impressive looking electric chair. There’s the hot tag to Orton who pounds away with everything he’s got. A nice dropkick sends Show to the apron for the Elevated DDT. The RKO is countered but Sheamus breaks up the chokeslam with a Brogue Kick. RKO finishes Show at 6:10.

Rating: C-. Well that happened. Seriously I don’t know what else there is to say here. Big Show was at a disadvantage and got beat relatively cleanly. You would think that there was a feud for months between these guys but Orton and Sheamus had no animosity here and Big Show lost like it was no big deal, so I guess we’re just moving on.

We look at 3MB interrupting HHH but getting beaten up by Shield.

3MB says they’re calling out Shield.

Here’s 3MB to do just that but instead of Shield, they get Brock Lesnar for a big old beating of the band. Slater gets two nasty F5’s onto the barricade until Heyman comes out to call off the monster. Heyman says that Lesnar is ready for a fight and wants one with Triple H. At Wrestlemania, HHH knocked out Brock Lesnar which proves that HHH is a real man. Brock however doesn’t see things that way. Now the rivalry is 1-1, so we need a third match at Extreme Rules. Since it’s going to be extreme, we’ll make it an old fashioned steel cage match.

US Title: Antonio Cesaro vs. Kofi Kingston

Cesaro gets a mic and yodels all the way to the ring. Kofi gets a quick rollup and backslide for two each but misses a splash into the corner. A hard clothesline puts Kofi down and there’s the gutwrench suplex for two. Cesaro hooks a quick chinlock but Kofi comes back with some strikes of his own. The Boom Drop hits but Trouble in Paradise is ducked, allowing Cesaro to hit the big European uppercut for two. We take a break and come back with Cesaro pounding away with headbutts and punches in the corner.

Kofi comes back with the SOS for two and Trouble in Paradise sends Antonio to the floor. Back inside and Kofi gets two before going up top. His cross body is caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a VERY close two but Cesaro charges into a boot in the corner. Kofi tries a springboard cross body but gets caught in the Neutralizer position. They trade some VERY fast near falls until Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise for the pin and the title at 9:25.

Rating: B-. The early part was dull stuff but that pinfall reversal sequence was awesome. The problem here is simple though: we’ve seen this like five times now from Kofi. Kingston is good in the ring and will give you a solid performance every night, but he’s not going to do anything special with the belt, primarily because he’s not going to be given the opportunity to do so. Either way, decent match here.

Kofi says he brought the US Title back home.

We look at Ziggler cashing in last week to win the title. By that I mean they show us the entire match.

Here are Ziggler and company with something to say. Ziggler talks about how great a moment his win was last week but now he needs to top himself. He’s going to start by being better than anyone else ever and not caring about the fans booing him. You show off when you’re better than everyone else, but he backs it up every single night. Ziggler talks about the perks that come with being champion but here’s Del Rio to interrupt.

Del Rio says he’ll get his title back because he wants his rematch right now. Vickie comes out and says the match is starting RIGHT NOW. Alberto is barely able to walk here.

Smackdown World Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Alberto Del Rio

Before the bell rings, here are Swagger and Colter to interrupt. Colter says that it was because of Swagger that Ziggler won the title, so it should be Swagger getting the title show. Alberto decks Swagger but as he turns around to face Ziggler. Jack pulls Alberto to the floor and wraps the leg around the post. The Patriot Lock messes up the ankle even more so no match.

HELL NO vs. Prime Time Players

Next week it’s Bryan/Kane/Taker vs. Shield from London. Bryan and Titus start things off with the hard kicks to O’Neal’s chest for two. Young comes in and has some better luck, allowing him to take over on Bryan. Back to Titus for a fall away slam before it’s back to Young for a chinlock. Bryan fights up for the hot tag to Kane who cleans house and gets two off a side slam. The top rope clothesline gets two so it’s the chokeslam to set up the top rope headbutt for the pin at 3:32.

Rating: D+. This is one of those matches that I never need to see again. We get it: the champions can beat up the Players and can beat them in about four minutes no matter what disadvantage they may be at. I know this because I’ve seen it happen about eight times now. Nothing to see here other than the champions on TV as usual.

Ryback (not even in the arena) talks about how Wrestlemania was the greatest night of Cena’s career and the worst night of his own. Cena could only go down and Ryback could only go up. We get a clip of the beatdown last week and Ryback says he wasn’t going to wait at the bottom of the ladder anymore after everything he had been through. Ryback talks about Cena giving Ryback his title shot when he was injured.

It made Ryback feel like he belonged but a promise of friendship from Cena is just a guarantee to sit in the backseat. Ryback talks about how Cena left him alone as we see clips of Shield destroying him over the last few months. We see Cena eliminating Ryback to win the Rumble and then Cena leaving Ryback alone to fight Shield and give up the pinfall because Cena had his title shot at Wrestlemania already. Last week Ryback waited for Cena to mention him but it never came, so it’s time for Ryback to step out of Cena’s shadow.

R-Truth vs. Wade Barrett

Non-title here. Barrett pounds away to start but Truth comes back with a side kick to the face. Barrett shrugs it off and puts Truth on the top rope before pounding away on the chest. Off to a seated abdominal stretch before Truth fights up and hits some clotheslines. The ax kick misses but Little Jimmy hits for the pin at 3:02.

Rating: D. Not that this means anything because there’s a battle royal on Main Event for the #1 contendership. It also doesn’t help that one of Barrett’s finishing moves is basically the same thing as taking a Little Jimmy, so the ending was kind of confusing. Also, is there a point to Barrett having the title anymore? He’s lost twice in 8 days as champion now.

Teddy Long comes in to see Brad Maddox and Vickie Guerrero and suggests Swagger vs. Ziggler tonight. Apparently it’s happening later.

Great Khali/Santino Marella vs. Rhodes Scholars

The Scholars talk about being dwarfs on the shoulders of giants on the way to the ring. Sandow and Khali start things off with the giant hitting a loud chop in the corner. Off to Cody who wants and gets Santino. Rhodes takes over and pounds away before bringing in Damien for more of the same. There’s the Wind-Up Elbow for two but Santino makes his comeback with the usual. The Cobra takes down Sandow but Cody bails to the floor. Hornswoggle hits him in the ribs with a mini Cobra to no effect so Khali steps in for the save. During the distraction, Sandow rolls up Marella for the pin at 3:19.

Rating: D+. Just a quick little tag match here as we try to give the Scholars some credibility after losing for so many months on end. If nothing else their characters are still almost perfect, which is more than you can say about most people in the company today. Also, it’s REALLY nice to see some random teams like Santino and Khali. WWE has such a huge roster so it’s nice to see them use it once in awhile.

Jerry is in the ring and shows us a video of people Fandangoing around the world over the last week. This actually has become a popular trend at the moment. Fandango and his chick come out and dance for a bit before cutting Jerry off during the interview attempt. Fandango asks how Lawler’s hips feel.

He asks if some fans want to go Fandangoing but since this is South Carolina, most fans don’t seem interested. Before they can do it though, the fans have to pronounce his name correctly. He leads them in a pronunciation and the fans sing the song again. Fandango decides they can’t say his name so they can go Fandango themselves.

Cena says he’ll be in the ring if Ryback wants to come see him tonight.

Jack Swagger vs. Dolph Ziggler

Non-title again. Swagger pounds him into the corner to start so the champion slaps him. Dolph runs to the floor and jumps Swagger as he comes back in. A big boot puts Dolph down though and some knees in the corner have him in trouble. Dolph gets an elbow up in the corner and takes Swagger down with a neckbreaker for no cover. The Patriot Lock is escaped but Jack manages to crotch Ziggler on the top rope as we take a break.

Back with Swagger going shoulder first into the post and a small package getting two for Dolph. The running Vader Bomb hits the champion’s feet and Ziggler makes his comeback. A dropkick and the jumping DDT get two but the Fameasser is countered into a powerbomb position. Swagger drops Ziggler back onto the top rope and gets the quick pin at 9:57.

Rating: C. This match wasn’t half bad until the STUPID ending. I can’t stand this concept of making the champion lose to get someone into the title hunt. You know an easier way to do this? Have Swagger in control and have Del Rio come out for the DQ. Ziggler doesn’t get pinned, Swagger can claim he had the match won, and we get the same result. But hey, why do that when we can just job the champion who has the stigma of being a glorified jobber already?

Post match Alberto pops up and beats up Swagger, putting him in the armbreaker over the stage.

Mark Henry attacks Sheamus again in the back.

Here’s Punk with something to say. The fans chant for Punk in one of the few reactions of the night. Punk doesn’t say anything for a bit before saying he couldn’t enjoy his 434 days as champion because he was always looking around the corner. He wanted that next challenge and found it in the Rock. After that he went after the one that that could be bigger than the title he loved by going after the Streak at Wrestlemania. We get dueling Undertaker/CM Punk chants from the crowd as Punk looks sad. Punk hugs Heyman and walks away beneath the Titantron.

Booker is annoyed at Teddy in the back and makes Ziggler vs. Del Rio vs. Swagger in a triple threat,, presumably at Extreme Rules.

Kaitlyn vs. Nikki Bella

Kaitlyn shoves her around to start and then out to the floor. A baseball slide puts both Bellas down but Kaitlyn is sent into the apron a few times. Back in and Nikki stands on Kaitlyn’s hair as Jerry talks about one Bella being larger than the other. Off to a chinlock for a bit until Kaitlyn fights back with some shoulder blocks. The gutbuster hits but we get Twin Magic, allowing Brie to send Kaitlyn into the ropes for the pin at 5:09.

Rating: D-. The Bellas looked hot and that’s about it. The Twin Magic thing has been done so many times already, but now that one has a double D cup and the other is maybe ¼ of that makes it REALLY difficult to buy as a finish. Then again this is the same company that said Ax and Smash were impossible to tell apart so this is easier to believe.

Sheamus/Orton vs. Big Show/Henry on Smackdown. Should be good.

Here’s Cena to call out Ryback. The monster comes out a few seconds later and Cena says he isn’t shaking in his boots. He says he issued an open challenge last week to any WWE Superstar but instead of coming at him like a man, Ryback waited to come at him when his back was turned. For some reason we cut to the Shield in the back as Cena talks. Production glitch I’m assuming.

Anyway, Cena says that earlier tonight Ryback made us sit through a highlight reel of excuses. There shouldn’t be any excuses though because Ryback should be standing on his own feet. The things Ryback is lacking is something between his ears and something between his legs, not help from Cena. The champion gets ready to fight and they get in each others’ faces, but Ryback walks away. With Cena alone in the ring, here’s Shield. The announcers keep saying it’s 3-2 but Shield only goes after Cena. Ryback just watches as Cena is beaten down and hit with the TripleBomb. Shield stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Let’s see: World, Intercontinental and Divas Champions all get pinned, Fandango is WASTED, and we’re getting HHH vs. Lesnar III when no one even wanted to see a second one. This was one of those shows where there’s good stuff but the bad stuff makes you shake your head so much that you don’t even remember the good. I don’t know if this was some kind of bizarre punishment for last week or what, but it’s REALLY stupid on a lot of counts.

Results

Sheamus/Randy Orton b. Big Show – RKO

Kofi Kingston b. Antonio Cesaro – Trouble in Paradise

HELL NO b. Prime Time Players – Headbutt to Young

R-Truth b. Wade Barrett – Little Jimmy

Rhodes Scholars b. Santino Marella/Great Khali – Rollup to Marella

Jack Swagger b. Dolph Ziggler – Powerbomb into a jackknife

Nikki Bella b. Kaitlyn – Clothesline into the middle rope

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Smackdown
Date: April 12, 2013
Location: TD Banknorth Garden Arena, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

It’s the first show after Wrestlemania but more importantly it’s the first show after Raw where Dolph Ziggler FINALLY cashed in the MITB case and won the world title from Del Rio. Therefore tonight is likely going to be dealing with the fallout from both that and Wrestlemania, which includes an appearance from HHH. Also, given the insanity of the crowd last Monday on Raw, it should be interesting to see how the crowd to night reacts to the show. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is like a movie trailer with the focus on HHH returning to Smackdown to discuss the match with Lesnar at Wrestlemania. We’ll also be talking about Ziggler cashing in the briefcase for the title of course.

Big E. Langston (with no music) opens the show by introducing us to the new World Heavyweight Champion, Dolph Ziggler. Langston can hold a note about as well as Ricardo can. Dolph talks about how he’s the most physically gifted athlete anyone has ever seen and that’s an understatement. He’s been called the future and this championship proves that the future is now. Dolph heard 80,000 people at Wrestlemania cheering his name in a match he wasn’t even in. His voice sounds really hoarse here. He didn’t win the title because of the fans but rather in spite of them.

Cue Swagger and Colter with the latter congratulating Ziggler for being born in Ohio and living in Florida. However, since Swagger is the one who did the damage to Alberto which allowed Del Rio to take the title. Dolph points out the obvious: Swagger blew his chance at the title at Wrestlemania so go to the back of the line. Jack goes to the ring, looks at Langston, and steps down. Colter says Swagger deserves a title shot and they go to leave, but Dolph cuts the music and keeps talking about how awesome he is.

This brings out Del Rio with a bad limp so Dolph invites him to the ring for his rematch right now. Alberto instead congratulates Ziggler on winning the title because he did the same thing in 2011. When his ankle heals and he gets his rematch, he’ll be getting the title back but until then, hasta la vista baby. Ziggler once again says cut the music because this is STILL his interview time. He’s tired of being interrupted so the next person who comes out here will find out why he’s the best in the world.

Cue Jericho to a big ovation with a big grin on his face. He asks Dolph to shut up because apparently Ziggler is crazy. Oh wait it’s AJ that’s crazy, which sends her into a bit of a fit. Jericho says he’s the original showoff and says that he just came from Booker T’s office. He talks about the Jerichoholics and the Dolphins (apparently Ziggler’s fans) getting to see Ziggler’s first match as champion against Y2J himself.

HELL NO vs. Prime Time Players

Non-title of course. Titus and Kane get things going with O’Neil taking him into the corner for an early advantage. Kane slugs him down and hits the top rope clothesline to take over. Young comes in but runs into the kicks of Bryan as everything breaks down. The NO Lock ends Titus at 1:39.

Shield pops up on screen and congratulates the champions on another win. Ambrose says they didn’t back down on Raw but rather weren’t ready to strike. Believe in the Shield.

Santino Marella vs. Wade Barrett

Another non-title match. Barrett runs him over with a shoulder so Santino tries to nip up, only to crash down to the mat instead of landing on his feet. Barrett kicks him in the ribs and Marella fails another nip up. Off to a chinlock by Barrett followed by a good looking Winds of Change for two. Barrett loads up the Bull Hammer but Santino finally nips up and hits his usual finishing sequence, only to get kicked in the face when he tries the Cobra. Bull Hammer ends this at 2:24.

We look at the Wrestlemania Week video from Raw.

Sheamus comes in to see Booker and is mad about everything Booker did on Raw. They get in an argument when Orton pops in. He wants to know why they were put together in a match but Teddy says calm down and don’t yell at him. Booker makes Orton/Sheamus vs. Big Show in a handicap match.

Funkadactyls/Kaitlyn vs. Tamina Snuka/Bella Twins

Kaitlyn and Tamina start things off and Kaitlyn spears down both Tamina and I think Brie within the first thirty seconds. Off to Naomi for a cross body on Nikki and a mostly botched headscissors. The Rear View slows Nikki down but Brie trips Naomi off the top. Everything breaks down and Nikki slams the back of Naomi’s head onto the mat for the pin at 1:30.

Here’s HHH for his first speech since beating Lesnar. He’s in sunglasses here and says he told us he’d be back. HHH had told Lesnar they weren’t going to fight but rather to war….and here’s 3MB. Slater tells HHH to shut up because 3MB wants to get noticed, so they’re here to jump on HHH. Before they can get in the ring here’s Shield of all people. They pull 3MB off the apron and destroy the Band before starting to swarm HHH themselves. Before they can do anything though, here’s HELL NO for the save. No contact made just like on Raw.

Big Show comes in to yell at Teddy and Booker so Teddy ducks out. Show accuses Booker of being biased against him and threatens to walk out because he doesn’t have to do what Booker says. Booker says go ahead and walk if you want, because Booker is tired of hearing about this contract.

Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. Big Show

Orton’s ribs are taped up. During the entrances we get a video on Sheamus vs. Orton from Raw which edits out all of the chants. Orton and Sheamus have an argument about who starts the match until it’s finally Orton. Randy pounds away in the corner to start but walks into a side slam to change momentum.

Show stands on Orton’s ribs and slams him down for good measure, only to miss a middle rope elbow. The hot tag brings in Sheamus to take Show down with some ax handles to the head. Show comes right back with a spear and a right hand to Orton’s ribs. Orton comes back out of nowhere with an RKO and the Brogue Kick puts Show on the floor for the countout at 4:02.

Rating: D+. This is the first match of the night that I can rate and that’s the best they can do? This was more about story development than the match, even though I’m not sure what this exactly advances. Orton vs. Sheamus would be an interesting feud and the winner would likely be the next challenger to Ziggler, assuming Orton doesn’t turn heel in the process.

Sheamus and Orton are in the back after a break and seem to be fine. Orton goes to get his ribs looked at while Sheamus says that he doesn’t mind that it took two people to get revenge on Big Show. He says size doesn’t matter in the WWE, so here’s Mark Henry to run him over and say yeah it does matter. So much for Orton vs. Sheamus I guess.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Kofi Kingston

Non-title yet again. Cesaro overpowers him to start and fires off some forearms, only to get caught in a sunset flip for two. Cesaro hits the gutwrench suplex and the Yodeling Uppercut in the corner for two of his own. Off to a quick reverse chinlock but Kofi fights up and hits some fast chops to take over. Antonio throws Kofi into the air for the European Uppercut to change momentum again but Kofi hits the pendulum kick in the corner. A top rope cross body is caught in a powerslam, only for Kofi to slip down the back and hit Trouble in Paradise for the pin at 3:05. Antonio looked sleepy instead of out cold.

Rating: C-. Wrestlemania has passed, Kofi is still Kofi and Cesaro is still Cesaro. I wouldn’t care for Kingston being champion again as he’s been down that road about five times before, but at least it would protect the title a bit better than Cesaro has been able to do. When did he last get a pin anyway?

We see the end of Raw with Ryback turning on Cena. I’m still not sure if that was a heel turn or not. The video seems to treat it like one.

We hear about Rock being badly injured in the main event of Wrestlemania.

Fandango comes out for the main event. Some fans sing the song but it’s nowhere near Monday.

Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler

It’s non-title again. Ziggler wears the belt backwards for a bit for his entrance and even JBL thinks that’s disrespectful. Jericho hiptosses him down to start and the fans start singing Fandango’s song. Ziggler sends Jericho into the corner and pounds away before charging into a boot from Jericho. Chris chokes away on the ropes but has to chase AJ off, allowing Dolph to hit a Fameasser for two.

We take a break and come back with Ziggler driving an elbow into Jericho’s face. A neckbreaker gets two for the champion and we hit the chinlock. Jericho fights up and hits some shoulder blocks followed by a top rope shot to the head. Ziggler comes right back with a jumping DDT for two and both guys are down. Chris is up first and takes out Langston before getting two off a top rope cross body.

Dolph comes back with a great dropkick for two but the Zig Zag is blocked. The Walls don’t work either but Jericho bulldogs Dolph down and gets two off the Lionsault. Fandango gets on the apron but gets caught by the springboard dropkick. Jericho blocks another Fameasser attempt but is sent into Langston who blasts him a rollup by Dolph for the pin at 7:37 shown of 11:07.

Rating: B-. This was about what you would expect from Jericho vs. Ziggler. Dolph getting a win, even by interference, is fine as he had to get a win after winning the title on Monday. It doesn’t erase nearly a year of being destroyed by everyone in sight but you have to start somewhere I guess. Anyway, fine match for Ziggler to debut with as champion.

Post match Jericho goes after Dolph but Langston lays him out.

Fandango hits the top rope legdrop on the back of Jericho’s neck and poss to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was ok, although I’m torn on the ending. Yeah Ziggler is the new world champion, but this Fandango thing has actual mainstream status at the moment. It’s not going to last long though, so I’d find some way to strike while they can. At the same time it would be nice to see Dolph get the spotlight, but he did win and he won because of his enforcer and not Fandango, so at least he’s got that. The crowd wasn’t as interesting tonight but the show was better overall, so Smackdown is ahead of raw after Wrestlemania so far.

Results

HELL NO b. Prime Time Players – NO Lock to O’Neal

Wade Barrett b. Santino Marella – Bull Hammer

Tamina Snuka/Bella Twins b. Funkadactyls/Kaitlyn – Mat slam to Naomi

Sheamus/Randy Orton b. Big Show via countout

Kofi Kingston b. Antonio Cesaro – Trouble in Paradise

Dolph Ziggler b. Chris Jericho – Rollup

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book from Amazon on the History of the WWE Championship for just $5 at:

Judgment Day 2003
Date: May 18, 2003
Location: Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, North Carolina
Attendance: 13,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

 

We continue this series with another show that wasn’t all that good. 2003 was like the year of death for Raw as everything was completely dull with HHH gobbling up everything in sight and having terrible feud after terrible feud. Tonight he has Kevin Nash and would face him again in the Cell the next month. Also tonight it’s Mr. America vs. Roddy Piper and Brock vs. Show for the title. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video is about being hung and facing your judgment day which is very similar to the one from last year. There’s an electric chair in this one though so it’s very different.

 

Little note: this is the final joint branded show before the lower level shows went to individual brands.

 

Here’s Austin, the co-GM of Raw, to open the show. He says there are a lot of good fans here so he’s going to sit in the stands with the fans….in a skybox. He goes through the crowd to get there at least so that helps somewhat.

 

John Cena/FBI vs. Chris Benoit/Spanky/Rhyno

 

Cena is a heel rapper here and he does a rap about mafia movies. The FBI here is Palumbo/Stambolli. Who put that face team together too? Benoit had a mini feud with the FBI for no apparent reason and they interfered in Benoit vs. Cena on Smackdown. Spanky and Rhyno are Benoit’s friends apparently. Works well enough I suppose. Spanky is Brian Kendrick if you’ve never heard that name.

 

The faces clear the ring so Benoit and Rhyno make a launching pad so that Spanky can take them all out on the floor. Cena vs. Spanky to start us off. Enziguri puts Cena down and everything breaks down quickly. Cole calls himself a shoe lace for some reason. Apparently the FBI has a hit list and they’ve taken out various big names. Palumbo comes in as Spanky is getting destroyed here so far.

 

Bear hug goes on by Chucky who apparently has stopped deciding to be effeminate and is all tough and Italian now. He lets the hold go just because and gets two anyway. And now he puts it right back on again. Sure why not. Spanky hammers his way out of it and it’s off to Benoit vs. Cena.

 

Everything breaks down and it’s Germans for the Italians from the Canadian. Swan Dive to Palumbo and it’s a blind tag from Spanky. He tries Sliced Bread #2 on Palumbo but Nunzio interferes and the Kiss of Death (Demolition Decapitator but with a leg drop instead of an elbow) ends this. Benoit had Cena in the Crossface at the same time.

 

Rating: D. Dude, a four minute opener in a six man tag? Rhyno was never even in the match legally. This wasn’t much at all and really had no point being on this show. That was a telling sign of what was to come with the whole brand split show as there simply weren’t going to be enough matches to fill out a card. This was something that would hint at that.

 

Austin buys a hot dog and the cute girl offers some ketchup. Austin inquires about a burger but here comes Bischoff to solid heat. They’re co-GMs so Eric says half of this is his, including the food. There are crates of beer against the wall. Austin offers him the hot dog he was about to eat and Bischoff skeptically eats it. I’m sure the fans are riveted by this. Bischoff wants Scotch but gets a beer instead. He wants it in a cup which Austin doesn’t like. Naturally, Austin crushes the cup with his can. This SO needed to be on PPV.

 

We recap the debut of La Resistance who started a feud with Scott Steiner over the whole Iraq War and the lack of support from French troops, which is what created Freedom Fries which was so stupid I can’t fathom it. Stacy was dating Test at the time and got him and Steiner together as a bad team to fight them, which led to an awful feud.

 

Test/Scott Steiner vs. La Resistance

 

And you get to pay to see it! Test is a heel here while Steiner is all about AMERICA! La Resistance looks rather stupid but whatever. The French guys say they’re innocent in all this and that the American government promotes hatred. I’ll spare you all a long political rant here. Stacy likes Steiner but Test is insanely jealous. This of course would turn into Steiner “winning” her and turning heel.

 

Test and Dupree start us off and they slap it out while Rene dances. Resistance is Rene Dupree and Sylvan Grenier if the names are confusing you. Off to Steiner and it’s incredibly telling to see how far he’s fallen since having the world title match at the Rumble. Steiner uses the power of AMERICA to take over. Grenier is sent to the floor but Steiner walks into a hot shot to shift the momentum.

 

Double suplex gets two on Steiner and we hit the chinlock. Middle rope clothesline gets two for Grenier and it’s off to Dupree. He comes off the top and jumps into a T-Bone suplex and both guys are down. Off to Test again and some rooms are cleaned. Pumphandle doesn’t work but the full nelson slam gets two. Steiner gets sent into the barrier and Test steals a beret.

 

Grenier gets two with feet on the ropes and it’s a double team. Steiner is back in now and here comes the pumphandle from Test. The slam hits and there’s no referee. Grenier gets a dropkick which knocks Test into Stacy who is caught by Steiner. Rollup gets two for Grenier and Steiner makes a blind tag. Downward spiral gets no cover as Test accidentally kicks Scott’s head off. A double spinebuster beats Steiner.

 

Rating: D. Why in the world is this, ANOTHER TV match on PPV? This is one of those matches that went nowhere as the people didn’t care in the slightest and everyone knew it. The French guys were the tag team of note for a few years and then they just went away and no one really cared. Weak match, as expected.

 

Stacy wants to check on Scott but Test drags her away. This story went on for months.

 

Mr. America is walking around and runs into Gregory Helms, ace reporter. The joke is that everyone and their mother knows it’s Hogan but he keeps saying I’m not Hogan. Helms accuses him of being Hogan and Mr. America accuses him of being the Hurricane. Both say they’re wrong. We do get Hogan to say whatsupwitdat?

 

Team Angle has given Eddie an offer of have a handicap match or forfeit the match since Chavo is injured. Eddie says a lot to Josh Matthews (in glasses) in Spanish and says he’s found a partner. It’s Tajiri and they have the gold medals for some reason. Tajiri says he lies, he cheats and he steals. This one is for Chavo.

 

Smackdown Tag Titles: Team Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero/Tajiri

 

Team Angle (Haas and Benjamin) are champions here. The brawl starts in the aisle as this should be rather good. Benjamin throws Eddie into a ladder and Tajiri takes his medal off. Team Angle beats Tajiri down with Eddie having been slammed into the ladder earlier. Ah there’s Eddie. And so much for that as he gets dropped on Haas’ knee to take care of that. Apparently Team Angle not knowing where a ladder is makes them inexperienced.

 

Tajiri and Eddie botch the heck out of something as they drop Tajiri onto the floor instead of a ladder. That looked awful. A handspring elbow by Tajiri to the ladder takes it and the champions down. Ladder goes into Charlie’s balls and the look on his face is priceless. Another ladder comes into the ring and Haas gets sandwiched between them as Eddie hits the hilo onto the ladder onto Charlie onto the ladder.

 

Shelton pulls Tajiri off the ladder and Tajiri’s face hits the rung on the way down. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Shelton powerslams Eddie into the ladder and the challengers are in trouble. This is one of those matches where there are just spots happening with very little going on in between. Not bad but kind of tiring. Team Angle does that jump on the back thing but from a ladder onto the ladder with Tajiri in between. That was awesome looking.

 

Haas almost gets up there but Eddie pops up to send Haas flying to the floor. The ladder gets wedged between the top and middle rope and Eddie is sent flying into it. Time for the Tajiri kicks and a ladder shot. Tarantula goes onto Haas which gets a big pop. Shelton saves his partner by driving the ladder into the head of the Japanese man. The champions take over again with Eddie in trouble.

 

The idea here is supposed to be that Team Angle doesn’t know how to win a ladder match due to inexperience. The problem with that is simple: you climb the stupid thing. That’s how you win. See the belts? Go get them! How hard is that? Eddie goes up but Charlie keeps slowing him down.

 

Shelton goes after him too but Eddie knocks him down and drops a Frog Splash on him in a cool spot. Eddie vs. Charlie on top of the ladder and Charlie takes a sunset bomb to the mat. Always loved that move. Tajiri is finally back and his Mists Shelton to let Eddie grab the belts as we have new champions.

 

Rating: B-. This was good but the problem is that we’ve seen all this before. The MITB match coming up would make everything else done not called TLC seem weak. This was a good match and belonged on the PPV but it feels pretty worthless all things considered now. Good match, nothing we haven’t seen before though.

 

Bischoff and Austin argue about who should try to sign Eddie. Bischoff doesn’t want a burger or another beer. Austin doesn’t like the way Eric sips his beer so he opens the skybox and makes fun of the way Eric drinks his beer. He says the match was awesome too which is pretty true. The fans make fun of Eric too and this is pretty stupid.

 

Jericho says he’s going to be IC Champion again and Roddy Piper pops up. Jericho says he’s old, Piper makes fun of the Highlight Reel. Chris says Piper is fat and Piper makes unfunny jokes. Yep this is pointless.

 

We recap the history of the IC Title which is coming back tonight. The title had been unified with the world title because someone thought we needed one champion per show for no apparent reason so they dropped the midcard titles. It comes back tonight and the US Title would be back in June. Tonight we’re going to have a battle royal of only former champions plus Booker T who was rather confusing. This is an awesome video which shows some great moments in the title’s history which really does have a long history.

 

Intercontinental Title: Battle Royal

 

Val Venis (returning here after being Chief Morely for awhile), Chris Jericho, Goldust, Lance Storm, Rob Van Dam, Christian, Test (pulling a double tonight), Kane, Booker T (not a former champion yet in this anyway)

 

Pat Patterson handles the introductions. Only 9 people in this which is a rather odd number. Standard over the top rules here. Kane and RVD, the Raw tag champions, go at it immediately. Everyone gangs up on Kane and he’s like boys please and tosses Storm. RVD takes the knee out and it’s another pile on Kane. This time they get him out so we’re down to seven.

 

Kane comes back in to beat them up for fun. Booker puts Test out and Goldust throws out Val. Jericho gets his springboard dropkick to put Van Dam out so it’s down to Goldust, Jericho, Booker and Christian. Goldie cleans house for a bit but the Canadians come back to take over. Goldust comes back and bulldogs both Canadians. This is getting boring in a hurry.

 

With the help of Booker, both Canadians gets Shattered Dreams. There’s the Spinarooni but Goldust lunges at him, only to get tossed as well. It’s down to Booker vs. Christian vs. Jericho. The fans are all behind Booker here. This isn’t his year though as he was beaten by a racist heel at Mania (People “like Booker” don’t win world titles. What do you think that was implying?) and gets double teamed here.

 

Booker fights them off for a bit and Jericho skins the cat. Down goes Booker again as the words GET ON WITH THIS play over and over in my head. Jericho is bleeding from the nose. Jericho sets for the Lionsault and Christian shoves him out! I love double crosses. Booker beats on him for awhile and a referee somehow is knocked down. Christian hit a baseball slide into him if you’re curious.

 

Yes, it’s going to be a Dusty Finish in a battle royal. Scissors kick misses and Christian goes to the apron. Booker sends him into the buckle and wins this. The music plays and Christian steals the belt from Patterson. A belt shot to the head and a toss out later and it’s Christian that officially wins the title. Booker would get it back about two months later. Everyone hates this mind you. Yes, a Dusty Finish in a battle royal. I told you this era was weak.

 

Rating: D+. Another boring match tonight which is a theme here. Was there a point to this being a battle royal other than not wanting to have two tournaments going at once? For some reason they were afraid to give Booker anything even though he was on a roll and was over at this point. That’s Vince for you though. Weak match with a bad ending.

 

Sable tells Torrie not to be nervous. They have a bikini contest next. They were doing this weird lesbian angle here and it didn’t go anywhere really. Sable oils her legs to try to make Torrie want her and it goes nowhere.

 

We recap this….whatever which is set to bad music. There was a body contest where Torrie more or less gave her a lapdance. Hot, but pointless for the most part.

 

They do that silhouette dance behind the curtain thing while Lillian does the theme music of Torrie. It’s live for once and it’s her gyrating with Torrie so I can’t complain. I’m not sure what to say here. They’re both hot, Sable looks better, the fans cheer for her, but before she’s declared the winner Torrie takes her bikini off to reveal a much smaller one, making her the winner. Torrie kisses her post contest. This was a waste of 10 minutes. They’ve both been in Playboy so I kind of fail to see the point of something like this. Lawler’s reaction is hilarious.

 

Bischoff says he has a condom in his wallet. He’s half drunk and half sick from the food. Austin offers him a pizza and Bischoff can barely move. Instead he gives him some “pickles”, more commonly known as peppers and Eric is in agony.

 

Piper talks to O’Haire and Vince comes in. Vince gives Piper a pep talk and wants him to destroy Mr. America so that Vince can rip the mask off.

 

We get a clip of Smackdown where Mr. America gave a “fan” (Zach Gowen) an American flag and the kid jumped the barrier to stop them from unmasking Hogan, only to discover that he has one leg.

 

Mr. America vs. Roddy Piper

 

Get this over with. FAST. Sean O’Haire is with Piper here and Gowen is with Hogan. The joke is an old one here but still kind of funny. Piper, in regular trunks, jumps Hogan along with O’Haire to take over early. O’Haire, in wrestling gear for no apparent reason, hammers away on Hogan a bit too. Here comes Mr. America with the “24 inch Patriots” and the beating is on.

 

Out to the floor and Hogan chokes O’Haire with the weight belt. Hogan whips Piper with it a bit as we haven’t had a single wrestling move other than a punch or whip in this whole thing. Sleeper goes on and it’s AWFUL. Piper is almost poking him in the eyes. Hogan fights that off and gets taken down by an axe handle to the back. American hammers away again and it’s Vince to the rescue! Low blow by Piper but a pipe shot from O’Haire hits Piper and the leg drop ends it. Gowen kept Vince from saving it.

 

Rating: F+. Why in the world is Roddy Piper in trunks in a featured match on PPV in 2003? Hogan….eh I guess you can stretch to let that be here, but put him against O’Haire and let HIM get the rub. He was a cool character and he gets fed to Hogan instead of growing a bit. That’s the criticism you get for Hogan and at times it makes sense. Granted this one isn’t Hogan’s fault, but it’s the stereotype of him. This one is on the company though.

 

Stephanie tells HHH to be careful. That’s all there is to this meeting.

 

We recap HHH vs. Nash. Nash was back for the 10^th time and naturally he’s #1 contender just because. He wants to be with his friends apparently but he got caught in the middle of HHH vs. Shawn and he doesn’t like it. HHH says this is how it is now and he’s never going to be friends with Shawn. Let alone reform DX 5 times and win the tag titles. Flair got after Shawn to save the title and it was a big mess. In short, Flair/HHH vs. Shawn/Nash. The feud had zero heat and no one thought Nash had a chance and they were right. Jericho was involved here also but it didn’t really matter.

 

Raw World Title: Kevin Nash vs. HHH

 

Shawn, Flair, Nash and HHH all get entrances. Remember that Shawn and Flair were listed in the ad for the match. Naturally Flair gets the biggest pop of them all since we’re in Charlotte. Nash jumps him in the aisle and we pair off. Is there a reason why this isn’t a tag match? Flair and Michaels fight to the back and they’re gone without even a bell.

 

There’s the bell and it’s all Nash so far. By the way, we won’t be seeing Flair or HBK for the rest of the match. So glad that they got a PPV payday here. Nash gets a backdrop and HHH tries to run and hide. Back in the ring and down goes the Game. Side slam and an elbow drop by Nash. There’s another elbow and HHH shoves down the referee. Somehow that’s not a DQ but whatever.

 

HHH finally gets a neckbreaker to take Nash down. HHH is in purple here. Back off to Nash who hammers away and then shoves the referee too. Hebner is underappreciated for doing stuff like this. After a brief chase HHH accidentally clotheslines the referee and low blows Nash. There goes the turnbuckle and HHH goes…into another corner.

 

Sidewalk slam sends HHH down and Nash goes through some of his favorites like the elbows and a big boot. Snake Eyes is attempted into the exposed buckle and Nash shoves the referee down AGAIN. HHH reverses it and rams Nash in so that the Pedigree can get two.

 

Another attempt is reversed into a backdrop over the ropes and HHH finds the sledgehammer. HHH hits Hebner in the chest with it and finally it’s a DQ after less than 8 minutes. The fans are not thrilled and boo heavily then die. This set up Hell in a Cell in two months in one of the weakest major gimmick matches ever. HHH takes a Jackknife post match.

 

Rating: F. This was there to set up Bad Blood and that’s all there is to it. The match sucked beyond belief and no one cared at all about this. Nash was here because he was one of HHH’s friends and no one bought that the title was changing. 2003 was the worst year in the history of Raw and this is one of the major reasons why.

 

Nash goes all psycho post match and Jackknifes HHH through the announce table.

 

We waste some time with HHH being taken out.

 

Austin gives Bischoff some jalapenos and Bischoff vomits. AND WE GET REPLAYS!!! This clearly needed a total of ten minutes on PPV while the opening match got 4 minutes and had Benoit and Cena in it.

 

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline vs. Jazz vs. Victoria

 

This should be mostly painless. At least Victoria and Trish look hot. Stevie Richards is here for Victoria. Jackie is a face here…I think. She and Trish clear the ring and square off. This is one fall to a finish. Crowd is more or less dead here. We’re totally in the formula here: two girls fight, a third saves and then she fights the other girl. Teddy Long manages Jazz.

Jazz cleans the ring until Trish comes back and pops her with some forearms. STF goes on from Jazz to Trish and Jackie puts the half crab on Victoria to give us a weird race thing. Trish makes the ropes so Jazz drills Jackie. STF to Victoria as I want this to end badly. Matrix and Chick Kick get two on Jazz. Ranas for both heels but Trish gets dumped to the floor by Victoria. Jazz DDTs Jackie to retain. Yeah Jazz was champion coming into this if I didn’t mention that.

 

Rating: F+. Jazz sucked. That’s what this boiled down to at the end of the day. Jazz sucked and yet they wouldn’t let her push with the title die. The division existed for hot women and Jazz wasn’t your traditional Diva. This was boring and everyone knew it sucked. Terribly weak match.

 

We recap Lesnar vs. Show. Show injured Rey in a fairly psycho attack at Backlash. Rey wasn’t sure whether he could wrestle again out of fear. Show came at him and Lesnar stood up for the locker room and made it a stretcher match because that’s what Rey was on when Show hurt him.

 

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show

 

You win by putting a guy on a stretcher and pushing him past the line. Brock looked awesome as a face for some reason. He’s like a soldier or something ready for war. The idea is the stretcher is too big to put Show on. Show brings a back board but Lesnar gets it and beats Show up with it. It’s fun watching Brock fire away for some reason. Basically this is both guys hammering away with the stretcher parts at various times.

 

Big old chokeslam and Show puts him on a stretcher before dropping a leg for some reason. He almost gets Brock across but instead clotheslines him to the floor. Back at ringside and Brock beats on Show with a stretcher and chokes him out with a cord. There isn’t anything to say here. It’s a pretty good brawl but at the same time the stretcher thing is pretty stupid.

 

Cole asks if you can imagine Lesnar as a linebacker. I think he was a defensive lineman but yeah I can imagine it. He slams Show onto the stretcher but Show falls off. They fight with the stretcher and try to ram it into the other’s ribs. Lesnar goes into the post back/back of the head first to take him down. There’s another back board under the ring for some reason. Shouldn’t the first aid people have that?

 

Lesnar knocks Show off the apron and onto a stretcher which he drops off of. Lesnar leaves the arena and here’s Rey with a 619 to the balls but he can’t do anything else. Here comes the chokeslam but here’s Lesnar with a forklift. He dives off said forklift onto Show and goes off on him with a suplex and FU. Yes I said FU as that wasn’t an F5. Way better than any Cena ever gave him either. Stretcher onto the forklift, Show onto the stretcher, match and show over.

 

Rating: B-. Hard one to grade here as it was entertaining but at the same time the thing was so back and forth that it’s hard to say if it was good or not. On this show though I need something to have that’s decent so I’ll give this the benefit of the doubt. Show was so big at this point that it just didn’t work anymore.

 

Overall Rating: F. This was just weak. There are two ok matches and that’s about it. The show was just dead from an idea standpoint and the HHH match is proof of that. Hogan and Piper would feud for a few months before Hogan left/got fired/whatever and no one cared. This was a terrible show and definitely not worth seeing. Even the good matches are pretty bad. That’s not a good thing at all.

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Smackdown
Date: April 8, 2011
Location: Times Union Center, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

 

We’re kind of in the new year here on Fridays as Edge is still World Champion. Tonight we’ll probably start the build to Extreme Rules. Since we’ve kind of passed go here, it’s rather hard to tell what else is going to go on. It should be interesting as things usually are on this show. Let’s get to it.

 

The theme song opens us up. I guess the enemy this week is wrestling as this isn’t a wrestling company anymore. The fact that Vince thinks this will get them more accepted by the mainstream is absolutely hysterical and head shaking at the same time.

 

Cue Alberto minus his car. Is there a reason why he doesn’t have one as he apparently has like 50 of them? He says that destiny can be delayed as it was at Wrestlemania. He blames Edge and Christian for delaying his destiny and destroying his car. It’s not about the money though, but those cars are like his children. He starts to talk about revenge but is cut off by Edge.

 

Edge comes out in a tow truck which is pulling the Rolls Royce. Nice bit there. He says that if this car is like his child, Del Rio needs to love it unconditionally. With a little tender loving care it can be fine again. Edge pulls out some spray paint and writes something that I think was just scribbles. Del Rio says he almost got him to tap out at Mania but Edge points out that he didn’t do it. Alberto wants a rematch and Edge says no because there are people more deserving of title shots.

 

The driver of the tow truck honks the horn and it’s Christian. Edge says Christian has beaten Del Rio multiple times so obviously Christian is ahead of Del Rio in line. Here’s Teddy who makes Del Rio vs. Christian for the shot at Extreme Rules. The match at the PPV will be a ladder match.

 

We’ll get to see Cena and Rock again tonight. By that I mean the same thing from Raw. They say highlights though which helps a bit.

 

There’s a rematch of the 8 man tag from Mania next that Josh says has a twist tonight that they’ll explain when we come back. Now I’m no genius, but given that the graphic of the match says “2 out of 3 falls”, I’m thinking it’s in a cage. I could be wrong though.

 

Corre vs. Big Show/Kane/Kofi Kingston/Santino Marella

 

We get a clip from the PPV of Show knocking out Slater and that looked AWESOME. Kofi’s tights are lime green tonight. It looked like there was a small edit during Kofi’s entrance but I could be wrong. The video and song seemed to jump forward a bit. Gabriel vs. Santino to start us off. Slater comes in quickly and Corre takes over. Remember that this is 2/3 falls.

 

Santino reverses a right hand into a throw and it’s off to Kane. Show beats on him for a bit also and we get the Andre/Snuka splash with Kofi on top of Slater for two. He sets for Trouble in Paradise but Gabriel and Barrett make the save as we go to a break. Back with Kane working over the Intercontinental Champion in the corner. Booker sounds out of breath for some reason.

 

Off to Jackson to face Kane. Jackson gets Kane into the corner and Corre alternates in and out very quickly to hammer away on him. Finally it’s off to Gabriel who gets a missile dropkick on Kane for two. Kane finally remembers he’s fighting a cruiserweight and launches Gabriel to the mat. Off to Kofi who cleans house and gets the first fall off a top rope cross body at 5:30 shown of 9:00. Kofi looks shocked that he actually got a pin.

 

We take another break and come back with Slater vs. Santino. Booker keeps going on and on about being ahead on points or something like that. Santino escapes a sleeper but is taken down by a forearm for two. Santino speeds things up and loads up the Cobra (I still can’t believe a move that Jon Lovitz taught him caught on like it did) but gets his head kicked off by Barrett. Wasteland ties us up at 7:23 shown of 14:23.

 

Why doesn’t Barrett just cover him again? There was no mention of a rest period or anything like that. Barrett hammers away and it’s off to Slater again. Jackson comes in and this should be a slaughter. Clothesline in the corner gets two as Big Show DIVES to make the save. Off to Gabriel and we hit the chinlock. Show starts a weak Santino chant.

 

Gabriel misses a cannonball kind of move and it’s off to Kane. Big side slam to Barrett gets two as does the top rope clothesline. Everything breaks down as Corre takes over. Kane sets for a chokeslam but all of Corre comes in to take him out for the DQ in the third fall at 11:10 shown of 18:10 (assuming 3:30 for commercials. I watch a preairing from Australia so it’s hard to say for sure).

 

Rating: B-. Nice long match here to treat this like a match that deserved to be on Wrestlemania. I like that they allowed this to play out so that Corre doesn’t look completely inept. Also, when’s the last time you remember getting a nearly 20 minute match on free TV after getting a 15 minute one on Raw? This worked rather well and was better than I expected.

 

The winners beat up Corre post match, including a triple (Santino helped) chokeslam to Jackson.

 

Sin Cara is still coming, even though he’s already been on Raw.

 

Cody Rhodes vs. Trent Barreta

 

I love Cody’s character right now. At the forums I post on someone made a great point: Cody’s reaction to this is all the more psychological because everyone can see he looks exactly the same but in his mind he’s hideous now. That’s very interesting. Cody takes him down quickly and hammers away. Trent gets a springboard dropkick to get two though so maybe this won’t be a total squash. Russian leg sweep gets two for Cody. This is the aggressive Rhodes as he sends Trent into the post shoulder first and Cross Rhodes ends this at 1:30. Ok so maybe it was a squash. Too short to rate.

 

Post match Cody beats on Trent some more until Rey makes the save.

 

We get the Rock vs. Cena confrontation from Raw again. Eats up almost 15 minutes. I get that it’s a major moment, but you could easily trim it down by at least half. There’s no real need to use 1/8 of your total show and about 1/5 of your TV time to just show a segment from the more watched show. I get that it’s huge, but they do this every week. I’m curious about Corre if nothing else.

 

Edge says he hopes Christian wins because he’d love to have a ladder match with Christian. Christian implies he’d win in the ladder match and says Edge can cheer for Alberto if he likes. The camera stays on Christian after Edge leaves and he looks at the belt which Edge forgot. Edge comes back and Christian says keep an eye on that, referring to the belt. No sign of tension or anything here.

 

Laycool vs. Kelly Kelly/Beth Phoenix

 

Is Natalya injured or something? I haven’t seen her in months. Apparently she’s been on Superstars. Ok then. Josh asks Cole why he’s not in his singlet tonight. Cole almost says he’s not wrestling tonight but cuts himself off to say entertaining. The level of idiocy of this continues to astound me. So remember people: this is an entertainment feature, not a match. So in other words we have girls in small outfits performing choreographed moves while coming out to hip hop/R&B music while on a platform above the guests and gyrating around with other women. Sound familiar to anyone else?

 

Beth vs. Michelle to start us off with Beth destroying her. Michelle is knocked into Layla so Layla is yelled at. Backbreaker gets two for Beth. Layla is tagged in as Laycool argues. After a scary press slam, Kelly is brought in and does her Tarantula kind of move to Layla. X Factor gets two. Layla reaches for a tag and McCool falls to the floor like Layla did, allowing Kelly to roll Layla up for the pin at 2:50. Far more story advancement than match and that’s fine.

 

Laycool argues in the aisle.

 

We get a clip from Raw of Cole spraying barbecue sauce on Lawler. In the arena Cole asks who shot JR. HE DID! Cole brings out Swagger who says training Cole was easy because Cole is smart and talented. Swagger declares Cole the new Mr. Wrestlemania. They take a victory lap but some music hits. It’s Sin Cara who does his trampoline jump into the ring and takes Swagger down using a variety of speed moves including a corkscrew plancha to the floor.

 

We get the end of the Miz/Austin clip from Raw which was good.

 

Layla comes up to Michelle in the back and hands her a paper. They’re going to have couples counseling. Michelle says they’re not a couple. Layla says just show up.

 

Decent length video recapping the Hall of Fame inductions.

 

Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio

 

Lot of time for this one. We take a break before Christian’s entrance which is a nice perk because it means there will be some more time before the first break in the match. Edge comes out to be on commentary. Edge isn’t sure who he prefers to face as Christian is good with the ladders also. Edge has been in 19 ladder matches. That’s insane.

 

Christian takes Del Rio down with a headlock to start us off. Both are sent to the floor at different times with Christian being the last one in the ring. Big dropkick sends Del Rio crashing onto the floor again. We take a break and come back with Christian being slammed into the steps. Del Rio takes over and chokes him on the ropes back in the ring.

 

Time to start on the arm now as is Del Rio’s custom. Christian fires off a bit right hand and goes up which gets him nowhere. Well he went up but it didn’t advance him in the match anywhere. Maybe I should just move on. Superplex puts both guys down and Christian plays possum to get a cradle for two. Edge is ripping into Cole here and it’s rather funny stuff.

 

Back to the floor again with both guys via a Cactus Clothesline from Christian. Better than up their noses with a rubber hose I guess. Christian fights back and gets an elbow off the middle rope for two. Top rope cross body gets two. Ricky Steamboat he is not. Killswitch is reversed into an attempt at the armbreaker but that is broken up also. Del Rio sends him into the corner and grabs the armbreaker but Christian gets a rope. Christian sets for something but Brodus stops him. Edge spears Brodus but the distraction allows Del Rio to hit the enziguri off the top for the pin at 10:30 shown of 14:00.

 

Rating: C+. Surprisingly enough this wasn’t very good. It’s not bad but I couldn’t get into this one at all. They were trying but at the same time nothing ever really got going. Del Rio winning is probably the best choice as Edge vs. Christian is a potentially big match that needs to be on a big stage. That being said I think we can pencil it in for Over the Limit. Not bad, but I wasn’t huge on this one.

 

Overall Rating: B. Good show this week as it was very wrestling heavy and we had multiple storylines advanced at the same time. Things seem to be staying the same after Mania but that’s ok I guess as it tends to be the custom after Mania. Good show here but then again that’s par for the course here. They’ve gotten very good at the use of squashes to advance stories which is incredibly hard to do in today’s product. Solid show overall here though.
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