Royal Rumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the show where you can really see the next generation rising up. The main events other than the Rumble are Lesnar vs. Holly and HBK vs. HHH. Ok so maybe the next generation only comes up in the Rumble. Other than that we don’t have much going on here but this show is all about Benoit in the Rumble. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about Shawn vs. HHH because that’s what people are watching the ROYAL RUMBLE for right? The theme of the video is that things can change in the blink of an eye.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Evolution

Flair and Batista are defending here and this is a tables match. Coach is ticked off at the Dudleys for putting him through a table six nights ago on Raw, because if there’s one man you need to give a reason to be a heel, it’s COACH. Batista makes fun of the Eagles because he hasn’t broken through to the other side of the glass ceiling yet. The fight starts in the aisle as you would expect. This is one table to a finish, meaning only one guy has to go through to end it.

Bubba slides in a table but shoves it hard enough that it slides across the ring and hits Batista in the ribs on the other side of the floor. Flair gets double teamed to start and caught in a powerslam by D-Von. There’s a table set up in the ring but Batista moves it before Flair gets suplexed through it. D-Von hits a Cactus Clothesline on Batista as Flair chops Bubba against a table in the corner.

Big Dave comes back in with some clotheslines to clean house but misses a charge into the post. The belly to back neckbreaker from the Dudleys puts him down and it’s Flair getting double teamed again. According to JR, the Dudleys are the only team to win the (non-vacant) world tag team titles at the Rumble. Coach heads to the ring to distract the Dudleys and prevent a 3D to Flair. Flair saves Coach and Batista hits a spinebuster to put D-Von through a table to retain.

Rating: D. This match fell into the same trap that all bad tables matches fall into: the dull set of spots that fail until one works for the win. You rarely get something that gets around this through sheer carnage such as the match at the 2000 Rumble, but this was just terrible. I have no idea what they were going for here as the fans were disappointed and they only had four and a half minutes to get into it. Also: real smart WWE. This is the right way to start a show in Philadelphia: have some of the most famous ECW guys ever lose.

Cena raps about winning the Rumble when RVD comes in to steal the joke. Weed jokes are made. Josh Matthews looks like the king of all tools here.

There’s an empty seat for Mick Foley in the front row.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Rey is defending. This is during the Nidia is Blind phase which didn’t do anything for anyone. They speed things WAY up to start with Jamie avoiding the 619 and launching Rey into the air to take over. The champ gets draped over the top rope for two and a hard kick to the back gets the same.

Jamie hooks a chinlock which shifts into a seated abdominal stretch. Rey fights up and hits a dropkick and a springboard rana followed by the sitout bulldog for two. He springboards into a gutbuster from Noble for two though and momentum shifts again. Nidia accidentally grabs Noble’s foot, allowing Rey to hit the 619 and springboard legdrop…..for the pin? Huh?

Rating: D+. This was fast paced while it lasted, but those three words are the key: while it lasted. This barely broke three minutes which simply isn’t enough for a PPV title match. Unless I was missing it there was no sign of an injury or anything like that, but the match ends that fast. I have no idea what they were going for here but it didn’t work in any way at all. That’s a shame too because they were going well while it lasted.

Noble yells at Nidia post match.

We recap the battle of the Guerreros. Eddie was clearly the bigger star which was fine while they were champions, but once they lost the belts to the Bashams, Chavo blamed Eddie and turned on his uncle for losing his title. The Guerreros almost made up but they lost the rematch, after which Chavo let Eddie get double teamed by the Bashams. This was actually a pretty solid story despite how basic it was. Sometimes less is more. Oh and Kurt Angle was playing peacemaker and Chavo Guerrero Senior is in his son’s corner.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo bails to the floor before the bell and the fans are totally behind Eddie here. They fight over a lockup to start with no one being able to get an advantage. Chavo slaps Eddie in the face and now we’re ready to go. We hit the mat for a bit before Eddie starts snapping off chops in the corner. Chavo shoulders him down and we have a standoff. They chop it out again and Eddie goes to the eye like a true Guerrero.

Back to the mat with Eddie working on the arm before Chavo nips up and hooks a rana to send them both to the floor. Chavo sends Eddie into the announce table to finally take over and get some of the aggression going. Back in and they get into a kind of MMA style brawl on the mat until Eddie hooks a cross armbreaker of all things. That goes nowhere so Chavo suplexes Eddie down for two, followed by the Three Amigos. Eddie counters a tornado DDT and hits Three Amigos of his own. Chavo is down so Eddie goes up and hits the Frog Splash for the pin. ANOTHER quick ending tonight.

Rating: C+. This was way better than the other matches, but this felt like it was missing fifteen minutes or so. Three matches so far have combined to be about fifteen minutes long which is pretty lame for a modern PPV, even for the Rumble. This could have been a lot more, but the feud was completely done after tonight. Eddie would become #1 contender on the following Smackdown.

Eddie destroys Chavo post match in a pretty heelish display. Chavo gets busted open.

Ad for Mick Foley’s Greatest Hits and Misses. That’s the most entertaining part of the show so far.

Benoit likes his odds even though he’s #1 in the Rumble. Evolution comes up and says Orton is going to win the Rumble. Flair says Benoit may be great, but this is about Evolution tonight.

We recap Hardcore Holly vs. Lesnar. Brock broke Holly’s neck (legit) and Holly gets a world title shot out of it a year later. This is the textbook definition of the Rumble title shot where no one buys the champion as being in any danger whatsoever.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Holly jumps Lesnar in the aisle and sends him into the post because he wants to break Lesnar’s neck. We get a bell and Holly misses an elbow off the top to give Brock control. They head to the floor where Holly’s back is rammed into the apron and Lesnar hooks a reverse body vice back inside. That goes nowhere so Brock hits a Shell Shock for two and it’s right back to the hold.

We shift to a bearhug and then one of the most wicked overhead belly to belly suplexes you’ll ever see. Off to a kind of rear naked choke by Lesnar to keep things dull. Holly makes his comeback with the dropkick and hits the Alabama Slam but goes for a full nelson and revenge instead of the title. Holly hooks the hold and goes to the floor with it but has to break the count. The F5 hits a few seconds later to complete the inevitable.

Rating: D. This was Brock Lesnar defending the world title against Hardcore Holly on pay per view. If you can’t figure out why this got the rating it got, I can’t help you.

We recap HHH vs. HBK which is allegedly seven years in the making. I’m guessing THIS is supposed to be the FINAL blowoff to their feud instead of the classic in 2002.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

HHH is defending and this is a last man standing match. They chop it out to start and punch each other in the corner a lot. Shawn tries a backslide before realizing that makes no sense here, so it’s back to the chops. Michaels gets caught in a facebuster as things slow down a bit. A HARD whip into the corner has Shawn’s back in trouble and a backbreaker makes it even worse.

Out of nowhere Shawn takes out the leg and hooks a Figure Four, because where would we be without a Flair tribute? That gets a five count so Shawn hits a chop block for a four. HHH low bridges Shawn and we head to the floor for a bit. HHH loads up the announce table but Shawn blocks a Pedigree attempt. They slug it out on the table with HHH getting knocked to the floor, drawing a bunch of booing from the bloodthirsty Philadelphia fans.

Back in and Shawn counters a Pedigree with a backdrop to the floor but he injures his back in the process. Shawn tries a springboard cross body to the floor but crashes through the table instead as only he can. Instead of letting the now busted open Shawn get counted out, HHH throws him back in for the count, which reaches seven. The champ pounds Shawn down a few times for a few counts, most of which don’t get that far.

A fast spinebuster (literally, as Shawn was flying at HHH and it almost looked like a belly to belly instead of a spinebuster) gets about six. That’s the problem with most last man standing matches: it’s a big move then standing around for the count. That makes it very hard to get any kind of flow going to the match. HHH cracks Shawn in the back with a chair but Shawn gets up again. A Pedigree onto the chair is countered into a slingshot into the post, busting HHH open as well.

Now Shawn cracks HHH in the head with a chair, allowing HHH to do his weird “my head hurts and I’m not sure where I am” face. There’s the forearm followed by the nipup from Shawn, followed by an atomic drop and the top rope elbow. That gets about seven so Shawn tunes up the band, only to walk into a low blow to put both guys down. Shawn hooks a sleeper which eventually gets an eight count before walking into a DDT to put both guys down.

That gets a double eight count before we head to the corner. HHH tries a belly to back superplex but Shawn counters into a cross body for another double eight count. The Pedigree hits but it’s only good for a nine. Shawn pops up out of nowhere with some more Sweet Chin Music, putting both guys down for ten which keeps the title on HHH.

Rating: C-. The problem here is exactly what I said earlier: this was a lot of laying around. The last seven minutes or so had about five moves combined, as most of the match was “move, lay down, move, lay down, move, lay down.” The idea is supposed to be a ton of drama, but that didn’t happen here. Shawn would turn into a jerk in the next few weeks and insert himself in the Mania main event because of this ending.

Rumble video with a focus on Benoit.

The Fink is ready to start the Rumble but here’s Bischoff to run his mouth. He says that a Raw guy is going to win the Rumble because he’s respected as a GM. He runs down ECW, which brings out Heyman for a brawl. Cue Austin on his ATV to say that these two are both in violation of the law (he was called Sheriff Austin at this point) and wants to know who started it. Heyman and Bischoff: “HE DID!” Both guys get Stunners and the fans love it.

Goldberg, #30 in the Rumble, doesn’t get to talk because Lesnar comes in to interrupt him. Lesnar is called a coward, which will come into play later.

JR has to admit Foley is a coward because he isn’t here yet.

Royal Rumble

Benoit is #1 and the Intercontinental Champion Randy Orton is #2. Two minute intervals here again. They pound away on each other to start with Benoit taking him to the mat to stomp away. Mark Henry is #3 when he was a fat power guy with no direction at all. Allow me to be more specific: he’s still with Teddy Long. Benoit gets double teamed for awhile until Tajiri is #4. These intervals don’t seem to be two minutes or anywhere close to it.

The handspring elbow takes Orton down but Benoit rolls some Germans on Tajiri to take him down. Tajiri only gets two as I guess Benoit is conserving strength. Henry throws Orton to the apron but stops looking like an idiot. Bradshaw is #5 and he immediately clotheslines down everyone not named Benoit. Benoit takes offense to being left out and puts Bradshaw in the Crossface before pulling Bradshaw out. Eh he would get a nine month title reign stating in the summer so I feel no sympathy for him.

Rhyno is #6 as we’re flying through this so far. He goes after the two starters as Tajiri fires off kicks on Henry. Tajiri gets a half Tarantula on Henry but Henry gets Gored, knocking Tajiri out in the process. Benoit clotheslines Henry out and we’re down to three again. Matt Hardy is #7 and Benoit throws him to the apron almost immediately. In FAR less than two minutes, here’s Scott Steiner at #8. Oh dear it’s Scott Steiner at the Royal Rumble. This could be a disaster.

He starts firing off suplexes immediately but at least this time there are some t-bones to go with the belly to bellies. Benoit rolls some Germans on him as if to say THIS IS HOW YOU SUPLEX SOMEBODY. Things slow down a bit and here’s Matt Morgan at #9. He takes Benoit down with a Batista Bomb takes Benoit down and pounds away on Orton in the corner.

The Hurricane is #10 and comes in off the top with a cross body to Hardy. He goes after Morgan for no apparent reason and is thrown out in less than twenty seconds. Morgan throws Hardy to the apron again but can’t get him out. Booker T, complete with the stupid remix of his theme music with Booker singing, is #11. Booker immediately goes after Steiner in a revisiting of their WCW feud that no one was asking for.

Nothing of note happens until Kane is #12. This is after he buried Taker alive. For the first time. Steiner gets dumped by Booker during Kane’s entrance. Kane starts firing off chokeslams and other various power moves for which he is well known. The clock runs down at #13 and there go the lights. A gong goes off and Kane PANICS. Booker uses the distraction to dump Kane and here’s Spike Dudley at #13. He never makes it to the ring as Kane destroys him for setting off the gong.

Everyone tries to throw each other out while laying on the ropes until Rikishi is #14. Benoit dumps Rhyno to keep us at six people (Benoit, Orton, Rikishi, Booker, Morgan, Hardy) in the ring. Morgan gets a Stinkface and nothing else happens for a bit. Renee Dupree with the French Tickler is #15. In a surprising moment, Dupree actually knocks Matt out, only to be superkicked out by Rikishi a second later.

A-Train is #16 and goes right for Rikishi. Benoit avoids the yet to be named Carbon Footprint and dumps Morgan. I love that they’re keeping the ring from getting full. Orton dumps Rikishi and Booker as Shelton Benjamin is #17. Benoit dumps A-Train during his entrance and Orton dumps Shelton a few seconds later to get us back to two. Orton pounds on him a bit but they crack heads to put both guys down.

Lamont, the announcer for Ernest Miller (complete with the music that would go to Brodus Clay eight years later), runs out to introduce the Cat at #18. After some dancing (and singing by Tazz), Orton dumps him out. Miller would be released in like two weeks. Kurt Angle is #19 and he might be a bit harder to get out. He’s fighting for AMERICA here so the fans tell him he sucks.

Benoit and Angle destroy each other with chops and punches as only they can while Orton is content to chill in the corner. Rico, now in his Adrian Street phase, is #20. He fires off some kicks but lasts about as long as you would expect him to in a match with Orton, Angle and Benoit. The RKO takes care of Rico as Benoit rolls a ton of Germans on Angle. Test is #21…..and is nowhere in sight.

Orton RKO’s Angle and we cut to the back to see Test unconscious. Austin sees someone off camera and says they’re #21. The off camera man and presumable attacker: MICK FREAKING FOLEY! Orton, the guy who spat in Foley’s face and called him a coward, PANICS. The place goes nuts and Foley explodes on Orton, beating him half to death and hitting a Cactus Clothesline to put both of them out. This would lead to some AWESOME matches at Mania and Backlash which put Orton up to the world title in August.

Foley keeps beating on Orton as Christian is #22. Mick picks up the steps and BLASTS a security guy who tries to stop him. Orton comes back with two chair shots and fires back at Mick. They brawl up the ramp and Foley pulls out Socko, only to put it on Nunzio who comes in at #23. We haven’t seen anything of the match for awhile but I can live with that for a hot brawl like this. Orton kicks Foley low and runs as we go back to the ring.

Angle is getting double teamed as Nunzio is down on the floor. Big Show is #24 and apparently that’s Tazz’s pick. Thankfully he’s in the singlet and shorts again instead of the one piece swimsuit. Angle immediately goes after him but Show throws everyone around. Jericho is #25 as he’s in a weird phase of his career. He wasn’t a main event guy anymore but he had feuded with everyone in the midcard already so he just kind of hung around and filled in spots on the card.

All four guys go after Big Show (who has a head like a typewriter according to Tazz) but they can’t get him out. Charlie Haas is #26 but gets double teamed by Jericho and Christian. Currently we have Benoit, Angle, Jericho, Christian, Haas, Big Show and Nunzio who is on the floor. Jericho backdrops Christian out for the second year in a row as Billy Gunn is #27. Apparently this is a return for him. It’s Fameassers all around and then things slow down again.

John Cena is #28 and that pop is growing at an alarming rate. Show stares him down so Cena throws Nunzio in to kill some time. Nunzio goes after Show for some reason but Cena takes over for him to make it fair. RVD is #29 to a big pop of his own. It’s spin kicks all around until things settle down a bit. There’s an FU to Angle and Goldberg is #30. The final group: Benoit, Angle, Big Show, Jericho, Nunzio, Haas, Gunn, Cena, RVD and Goldberg. At least the ring didn’t fill up until the end so that’s not too bad.

Goldie spears a lot of people down to start before Nunzio jumps on his back like an idiot. Haas is put out and Nunzio takes a HUGE spear. Gunn is out as is Nunzio to get us down to seven. Goldberg loads up a Jackhammer on Show but Lesnar runs in with an F5 to break it up. Goldberg stares down Brock, allowing Angle to dump him out. All five remaining guys not named Big Show go after the one named Big Show but it still doesn’t work.

Everyone hits their finishers on Show instead with Cena (Show’s feud at the time) hitting the Shuffle instead of the FU, which I’m assuming they were saving for Mania. They try to dead lift Show and realize they screwed up by knocking a giant unconscious. Show shoves them all off and dumps Cena followed by Van Dam a few seconds later.

So it’s Big Show, Benoit, Angle and Jericho as the final four. Jericho gets sent to the apron twice and manages to hang on before bulldogging Show down. The Walls go on Show and he taps but Angle breaks the hold up for no apparent reason. Show chokeslams Benoit down but chokeslams Jericho even further, sending him to the floor to get us to three. A side slam puts Angle down and there’s another chokeslam to Benoit.

Show breaks up a German attempt from Angle but can’t block an Angle Slam. There’s a Slam to Benoit (it was a belly to back suplex but whatever) and the ankle lock to Show. Show taps again, but again it doesn’t mean anything. The big guy rolls through the hold and eliminates Angle in the process, getting us down to two.

Benoit dropkicks Show but knocks him back into the ring by mistake. A chokeslam is countered into the Crossface and Show taps again, but you know the drill by now. Show shrugs it off and picks Benoit up in a chokeslam. Benoit graps a front chancery though and pulls Show to the apron….then has him teetering on the ropes…..AND BENOIT WINS! The crowd kept getting louder as Benoit pulled further and further. Awesome sequence there.

Rating: A. There were some slow spots but this was ALL about Benoit and I can’t complain about that at all. The ending sequence here with all three submission guys making Show tap was a cool idea and different than the ending to any other Rumble. They didn’t throw a stupid curve here and made Benoit look like a star here, which is exactly what he was supposed to do. Great Rumble.

Overall Rating: B-. The Rumble is really REALLY good but the rest is horrible. Don’t watch the rest of the show, but if you’re a Benoit fan and can still sit through a long match of his, this is absolutely required viewing. Things would change a bit more the next year as two REALLY big names would be the stars of the Rumble, but that’s not for another year. For now, this was all about Benoit and he nailed it.

Ratings Comparison

Evolution vs. Dudley Boys

Original: C

Redo: D

Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Original: N/A

Redo: D+

Chavo Guerrero vs. Eddie Guerero

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: D-

Redo: D

HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Just as last time, the Rumble is the only thing worth seeing.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/23/royal-rumble-count-up-2004-he-who-must-not-be-named/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Royal Rumble 2001
Date: January 21, 2001
Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 16,056
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Austin is back and that’s by far the biggest change from last year. He’s been on a warpath after Rikishi and I think HHH for running him down last year. Other than that there isn’t much going on in the Rumble. We also have Angle defending against HHH and Jericho vs. Benoit with twenty minutes and a ladder. I think we’ll have another solid show here. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is what you would expect: one out of thirty will win and the rest will fall.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boys

The Canadians have the titles and the Dudleys have concussions. It’s a brawl to start with the champions trying to bail very quickly. We wind up with Edge vs. D-Von to start as the challenger gets two off a neckbreaker. Off to Christian who is elbowed down for two of his own. Bubba comes in as Jerry makes fun of the Dudleys’ injuries. A side slam gets two on Christian and it’s off to D-Von vs. Edge again.

Christian finally goes for the back of D-Von’s injured head to give Edge control and we get into the meat of the match. Christian gets the tag and starts pounding away on D-Von’s head, followed by a neckbreaker from Edge for two. After a quick chinlock Edge hits a neckbreaker for two more as Bubba looks like he’s about to cry. Since it’s a Dudleys match, the fans want tables. Lawler wants gumbo.

D-Von breaks up a spike piledriver for reasons of wanting to stay alive, catapulting Edge into Christian. Edge and D-Von clothesline each other and the referee misses the ensuing hot tag. A Conchairto misses D-Von and there’s the seen hot tag to Bubba. A pair of hot shots takes down a pair of Canadians and there’s a Bubba Bomb to Christian. What’s Up hits Edge but wouldn’t that hurt D-Von’s head even more?

D-Von goes to get a table and the distraction lets Edge get a title belt. Bubba ducks the shot and gets a VERY close two off a rollup. 3D is broken up by a spear to Bubba and a DDT to D-Von but Bubba kicks out again. The champions try What’s Up but the Dudleys escape and the 3D on Edge gives us new champions.

Rating: B. This is one of those annoying matches where it’s really good and therefore there’s nothing to make fun of. These guys had some of the best tag matches the WWF has ever seen and this was no exception, with all four guys looking great out there. Notice something about Edge and Christian and the Hardys: they came from tag teams but they were allowed to grow up in said tag teams, meaning once they made the transition to singles matches they had a far easier time. That NEVER happens today which is why tag teams don’t make good singles wrestlers anymore. The crowd is white hot tonight too.

Drew Carey is here. He’s promoting an improv comedy PPV and somehow got in the WWE HOF out of it.

Vince says Austin will be in the Rumble despite what happened on Smackdown with HHH. What actually happened isn’t mentioned but whatever.

HHH tells Stephanie to not come to the ring with her tonight but she says she’ll be there to take care of Trish. Drew Carey comes in and pleasantries are exchanged. He talks about meeting Kamala in an airport and plugs his PPV a bit. Drew seems cool here at least. Stephanie offers to introduce him to Trish for some reason.

The APA shows each other their Rumble numbers. Crash comes in and says he’ll throw them both out even though they’re friends.

We recap Jericho vs. Benoit. Do you really need an explanation here? They suplex each other a lot and fight over the IC Title so tonight it’s a ladder match with Benoit defending. Oh and Benoit has hurt Jericho’s arm.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

It’s a slugout to start with Jericho getting a very early advantage. Benoit tries the Crossface but has to escape the Walls instead. Jericho misses a charge and hits the post before missing the springboard dropkick and crashing to the floor. Benoit posts him and goes for the ladder but stops to send Jericho into the steps. We’re only three minutes into the match though so Jericho stops Benoit’s climb. A ladder shot to the face puts Benoit down and the referee tells them they have thirteen minutes left.

Jericho lays the ladder across the top rope and of course goes face first into it as a result. Good to see that even Canadians follow the first law of wrestling. Benoit tries a suicide dive but Jericho puts up a chair, causing Benoit massive head trauma. Jericho tries to ride the ladder from the apron onto Benoit on the barricade but the other Chris moves out of the way. A ladder to the face stops Jericho again and now Benoit swings a chair.

Back in and Benoit loads up a ladder in the corner before ramming Jericho face first into it. Jericho gets up and puts the ladder in the corner again before tying Benoit’s legs between the rungs for a kind of Russian legsweep off the middle rope. Benoit comes right back with a dropkick to send the ladder into Jericho’s face and a hard belly to back suplex. The ladder is placed on the top rope again and Benoit’s face is whipped into it HARD. Jericho immediately follows up by see-sawing the ladder into Benoit’s face. Almost every one of these shots would be classified as FREAKING OW MAN.

A missile dropkick puts Benoit down again but he saves a climb attempt by Jericho. Benoit suplexes Jericho out to the floor and both guys are down again. Benoit goes up again but has to stop to kick Jericho away. Jericho gets up anyway and bends Benoit backwards into the Walls ON TOP OF THE LADDER. Benoit falls on his head but still kicks the ladder over to stop Jericho. AWESOME sequence there.

Jericho drills him with the ladder and goes up, but Benoit immediately pulls him down into the Crossface. Jericho taps out but it means nothing other than pleasure for Benoit here. Benoit sends him shoulder first into the post but Jericho comes back by sending Benoit face first into the ladder. The ladder is moved to the corner and both guys climb, resulting in Jericho being superplexed back down.

The Swan Dive hits the mat though and Benoit is in big trouble. Jericho puts the ladder on top of Benoit’s ribs, but the champion shoves it over anyway from the mat, sending Jericho face first into the buckle and out to the floor. Benoit goes up again but gets shoved out to the floor, allowing Jericho to sprint up the ladder and win the title.

Rating: A+. Take two Canadians, give them a ladder and 19 minutes and this is what you should expect. These two beat on each other HARD and the match was excellent as a result. They came up with some new stuff while mixing in basic stuff like HIT THE GUY IN THE FACE WITH A LADDER but it was so intense that it became a classic. Check this one out.

Drew hits on Trish but she says no because she’s involved with someone. Vince comes in and isn’t exactly cool with Drew being around Trish. More PPV plugging ensues and Vince says to promote the PPV, Drew should be in the Royal Rumble. Drew says sure why not.

Billy Gunn is worried about Chyna hurting her neck again in the next match.

Jericho says he proved Benoit wrong.

We recap Chyna vs. Ivory. The RTC (Ivory’s censorship group) hurt Chyna’s neck with a spike piledriver and tonight is about revenge. This forces us to sit through Chyna trying to be emotional.

Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Ivory

Ivory is defending here. Chyna immediately runs her over with a pair of clotheslines and a toss around by the hair. Stomping ensues and Chyna knocks her out to the floor. They head into the crowd so Chyna gorilla presses her right back to ringside. Back in and Steven Richards gets beaten up as well. In an ending to set up Wrestlemania, Chyna tries the Muta Handspring Elbow but hurts her neck (on the softest bump in the corner you’ll see in years) and Ivory gets the pin to retain.

Rating: D. Ivory was squashed until the end when she won off an injury. What are you expecting from a match like this? This was designed to get more attention on Chyna because no female could conceivably beat her, so making her Women’s Champion for her Playboy hype wouldn’t do much good. Nothing to see here at all unless you’re a fan of Chyna in leather.

Chyna gets looked at by Lawler, Gunn and medics, resulting in a stretcher job.

Trish and Stephanie run into each other and still don’t get along. I can’t decide if Chyna or Stephanie is a worse actress.

Drew Carey gets some gear and talks to Kane. Nothing funny is said and much glaring ensues.

Low Down, as in Headbanger Mosh and D’Lo Brown doing an Arab comedy gimmick (don’t ask) is told that the Rumble spot they won earlier on Heat will be going to Drew Carey. See, THIS is a good use of a celebrity. Who cares if Mosh or Brown isn’t in the Rumble? Carey isn’t exactly a huge star, but he’s more interesting than either of those two. He promotes his PPV, the WWF gets some publicity, life is good.

Fans at WWF New York talk about the world title match.

HHH breathes a lot.

We recap Angle vs. HHH. Angle is on the roll of a lifetime to begin a career, having won the title from the Rock and defended it against Undertaker. HHH got the shot through some corruption and says he’s allowed Angle to be champion this long. Trish is playing both sides of the field, being in Kurt’s corner tonight but obviously sleeping with Vince, who is on HHH’s side at the moment. Stephanie couldn’t act, but dang she looked good in leather pants while she argued with Trish.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending. They trade wristlocks to start with Angle taking it to the mat before HHH takes it to the corner. A clothesline puts HHH on the floor as things slow down early. Back in and Angle escapes a suplex and hits three of his own for a near fall. HHH bails tot he floor and gets punched for his efforts, but he manages to send Angle into the barricade to slow things down.

Back in and HHH takes Angle to the mat which isn’t likely his best option. Since it’s a HHH match, we go old school with an Indian Deathlock. A dragon screw leg whip puts Angle down again but as he loads up another one, Angle takes him down with an enziguri for two. Kurt comes back with a whip to send HHH over the corner and out to the floor. This is slow to start but they have a ton of time.

They slug it out on the floor and HHH goes into the steps. Angle punches him around a bit more until a Stephanie distraction lets HHH crack Angle’s knee with a chair. Still good psychology so far and I’m digging the pace. We get our first Flair move as HHH hits a knee crusher onto the steps. They head back inside after about three minutes on the floor and HHH cranks on the knee even more.

Off to an inverted Indian Deathlock because we can’t quite reach the 80s yet. The facebuster gets two for HHH and it’s time for a bad looking Figure Four, although at least it’s on the correct leg. Trish interferes to try to break it up and we get a catfight on the Spanish announce table. Vince comes down to break it up as we completely stop watching the match. Vince carries Trish away but Stephanie pulls her off her dad’s shoulder. We haven’t seen anything in the ring for about two minutes now.

We FINALLY return to the match for a small package for two for Angle before it’s back to the knee. HHH gets kicked into the buckle and Angle grabs a DDT for two. A Russian legsweep looks to set up the moonsault but HHH hits him low to block. HHH busts out a Razor’s Edge out of the corner of all things for two. I’ve never seen him use that other than here. The Pedigree is countered into a slingshot into the post and Angle headbutts HHH in the crotch to boot.

Now the moonsault hits (I’m as shocked as you are) but he hurts his knee in the process. It only gets two as a result and Angle heads to the floor to walk his knee out. HHH dives off the apron and takes out Hebner by mistake. Angle goes into the post and we head back in where Angle runs the ropes (selling the knee? What’s that?) for an armdrag off the top. Angle tries to get Hebner up but HHH rams Angle into Hebner, sending Earl into the steps as a result.

HHH grabs the belt but Angle counters into an overhead belly to belly. Now Kurt gets the belt but HHH blocks into a Pedigree for no cover. Austin runs out and beats on HHH before hitting him in the face with the belt. He throws Hebner back inside but Angle is still down. A Stunner puts the bloody HHH down and Angle gets a VERY delayed pin to retain the title.

Rating: B. This was good but the overbooking brings it way down. Basically you have two matches here with the dividing line being the Vince/girls stuff. The match was starting off as a great psychological battle and it turned into an Attitude Era main event which it just didn’t need to be. This was disappointing after the way the match started.

Rikishi (#30) and Undertaker warm up for the Rumble.

Rock talks about how the Rumble is like a big bowl of jambalaya. As for Kane and Undertaker possibly being together, he doesn’t really care if they want to give each other a box of chocolates or kick each others’ faces in, because Rocky is throwing them both out. It could come down to Rock vs. Bull Buchanan, Rock vs. Perry Saturn, or Rock vs. Steve Austin, but either way he’s going to Wrestlemania. Rocky was feeling it here.

Rumbly hype video, where there are a legit high number of possible winners. Austin is the favorite but it’s not 100% as long as Rocky is in there. This is also one of the last years where they really pushed the idea that ANYONE could win.

Royal Rumble

Jeff Hardy is #1 and Bull Buchanan is #2. Bull charges into the ring and the beating is on fast. Jeff fights back and goes up top before hitting a headscissors. The intervals are two minutes again this year if you care about those kinds of things. They slug it out in the corner with no one getting an advantage until Matt Hardy is #3. Poetry in Motion and a double clothesline quickly dispatch Bull, so the Hardys fight for awhile.

The clock starts so the Hardys stop brawling as Faarooq is #4. Things don’t go any better for Faarooq than they did for Buchanan, resulting in a Twist of Fate and Swanton to knock him out as well. Jeff poses and Matt tries to dump him, resulting in some friction. Matt wins a slugout but gets caught by a Whisper in the Wind. Drew Carey is #5 and he wisely stands at ringside as the Hardys eliminate each other off the corner.

Drew is the only one left standing and the crowd seems amused. Then Kane is #6. JR: “Oh my God oh my God oh my God.” Drew begs the Hardys to get back in as Kane stalks him. After about a minute, Kane gets in and Drew offers a handshake and then cash. Kane grabs Drew by the throat until Raven is #7. Drew wisely eliminates himself, high fives some fans and bails. This was perfectly fine as he was in there like 3 minutes and gave us a decently funny moment. Also he seemed to enjoy being there which is more than I can say for most celebrities. Good stuff.

Anyway, Raven pounds on Kane with a kendo stick and a fire extinguisher blast. Al Snow jumps the gun at #8 to pound on Raven who eliminated him recently. Snow legally comes in a few seconds later with trashcans and lids, followed by a bowling ball which goes into Raven’s crotch. Big gasp from the crowd for that one. JR: “It looks like a hurricane has blown through New Orleans.”

Snow and Raven pound away on Kane with everything they can find before FINALLY taking him down with a double drop toehold into a trashcan. Perry Saturn is #9 and goes after Kane’s knee which is pretty stupid in a battle royal. Everyone takes their shots at Kane and some triple teaming finally gets him to his knees. Steve Blackman with his hardcore fighting sticks is #10 as the hardcore segment continues.

Things slow down a bit as they are known to do in hardcore matches until Grandmaster Sexay is #11. Kane finds a trashcan and explodes, eliminating everyone in about thirty seconds. Honky Tonk Man, Lawler’s second straight relative, is #12. He brings his guitar and starts to sing until Kane destroys the guitar over his head and gets his sixth elimination in a row.

Kane is standing tall so here’s the Rock at #13 for our first big showdown. Rock goes off with punches and a jumping clothesline but Kane blocks the elimination attempt. Rock keeps pounding but runs into a big boot to put him down. Goodfather is #14 and Rock eliminates him after two punches. Kane pounds him down again, prompting JR to say “Kane is a carnivore chewing on a big piece of Rock Burger.” Lawler: “…..Rock Burger?” Tazz is #15 and lasts even less time than Goodfather.

Rock and Kane slug it out for a bit until Rock hits a Samoan Drop. Both guys are down until Bradshaw is #16. He’s cool with fighting both guys and hits the Clothesline on Rock. Rock comes back with the spinebuster but Kane clotheslines Rock down to take over again. Albert is #17 to keep up the size and power trend. Albert and Bradshaw pair off as do the other two guys but we can’t get an elimination.

Hardcore Holly is #18 as Albert hits the chokebomb on Bradshaw. A bicycle kick from Albert puts Kane down in a pretty impressive looking move. Rock tries do dump Kane but the dude in the mask stays in. K-Kwik (R-Truth) is #19 and is immediately slammed down by Bradshaw. Nothing of note happens until Val Venis is #20. The ring is getting full now with Kane, Rock, Bradshaw, Albert, Holly, K-Kwik and Venis.

Rock powerslams Kwik down and William Regal is #21. He also beats up Kwik who isn’t having a good night so far. Nothing of note happens again until Test is #22. He immediately knocks out Regal before pounding away on Albert. Big Show makes his return from a trip to OVW to try (and fail) to lose weight. He clotheslines Test out and dumps Kwik as well. Everyone not named Rock gets chokeslammed as Rock kicks Show low and eliminates him for the second year in a row.

As Crash Holly is #24, Big Show seemingly turns heel and chokeslams Rock through the announce table. Everyone goes after Kane and Undertaker is #25, meaning it’s finally time to get rid of some of these guys. The Brothers clear the ring other than the two of them and Rock left on the floor. The tall guys stare each other down and Scotty 2 Hotty is #26. Not exactly the brightest guy in the world, Scotty gets inside and is gone in about 45 seconds.

Austin is #27 but HHH runs out to avenge the earlier interference. Rock climbs in as the Brothers watch Austin get beaten up on the floor. Austin is busted open as Taker beats on Rock off camera. Billy Gunn is #28 to save Rock for some reason. Taker DDTs Rock down as HHH leaves. Haku, as in Meng, the reigning WCW Hardcore Champion, is #29. He goes right for Taker and pounds him into the corner and everyone pairs off. Rikishi is #30, giving us a final group of Rikishi, Haku, Rock, Austin, Undertaker, Kane and Billy Gunn.

Rikishi gets in a fight with Austin on the floor and everyone is in the ring now. Austin dumps Haku as Taker ERUPTS on Rikishi. A chokeslam puts Rikishi down but a pair of headbutts go badly for the Dead Man. Rikishi superkicks Undertaker out in a pretty big upset. As impressive as that was for him, he tries the Banzai Drop on Rock and deserves the elimination he gets.

We’re down to four with Kane, Austin, Rock and Gunn. Gee I wonder which one is going out first. Gunn escapes the Stunner and hits the Fameasser on Austin but gets thrown out anyway a few seconds later. Rock DDTs Kane down as Austin chills in the corner. Rock and Austin lock eyes and the fight is on. That’s Wrestlemania people. The spit punch drops a weakened Austin but he escapes the Rock Bottom. The Stunner hits but Austin stops to go after Kane and charges into a Rock Bottom.

Kane gets back up and gets sent through the ropes by Rock, leaving Rock vs. Austin for the moment. They slug it out some more and fight for an elimination, but Kane comes back in and dumps Rock in a shocker. That also gives Kane the record for most eliminations in a Rumble at 11. Austin kicks Kane low to put both guys down and Kane bails to the floor. Kane brings in a chair but walks into a Stunner. About four chair shots and a clothesline send Austin to the main event of the best show ever.

Rating: B+. It’s not as good as last year but it was awesome for the most part with some BIG star power out there. They did a great job of keeping you guessing until the end as Rocky winning here was a very legitimate possibility. Austin is back from his surgery and back where he was before, which is exactly what he needed to do. Very good Rumble with some nice surprises.

Overall Rating: A. While it’s not quite as great as last year, this is pretty easily the second best Rumble so far. The ladder match is excellent and the Rumble is quite good as well. The world title match is great too and there’s a solid opening tag match on top of that. The Women’s Title match sucks but it’s less than four minutes long. Great show again, but things would be coming down soon.

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boys vs. Edge and Christian

Original: B-

Redo: B

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

Original: A

Redo: A+

Ivory vs. Chyna

Original: N/A

Redo: D

Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Original: B

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: B

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

I’m surprised that I liked it that much less last time. Still a great show.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/20/royal-rumble-count-up-2001-drew-carey-could-go-to-wrestlemania/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Royal Rumble 2000
Date: January 23, 2000
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 19,231
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

After sitting through 1998 and 1999, this is my reward. What we have here might be the best Rumble show of them all with one of the best matches ever and a great Rumble on top of it. 2000 is the best in ring year the company ever had and this was a great way to kick that year off. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Cactus Jack challenging HHH for the world title in a street fight. This is that “one of the best matches ever” that I was talking about. The idea is simple: Cactus wants the title back and he’s facing HHH in a street fight, which means HHH is in WAY over his head. We’re in Foley’s hometown in Foley’s match with Foley’s most hardcore character. How can this not be a masterpiece?

Kurt Angle vs. ???

Angle is undefeated at this point. Kurt says he’s a real winner here, unlike the New York Knicks. This is goofy Kurt, which means he’s hilarious. He says that the mystery opponent must be scared to come face him, but the opponent needs to take a deep breath, come out here, and face Angle like a man. The self-help thing here is hilarious. The fans chant WE WANT TAZ….and here he is!

Kurt Angle vs. Tazz

Tazz pounds away on Angle and hits a HUGE backdrop to send him to the floor. Angle escapes a suplex in the aisle (painted like a street with a big cab hanging above the entrance, which looks like an alley. It’s really cool) and takes over. Back in and Kurt hits a forearm for two and chokes away in the corner. A belly to belly puts Tazz down but Angle goes up and gets crotched. Tazz hits a super Tazplex for two before getting rolled up for two. Angle gets two more off a bridging German before walking into a release German from Tazz. We unleash the suplexes on Kurt before the Tazmission ends Angle’s undefeated streak.

Rating: C+. This was short, but to say it was an effective debut is an understatement. The place ERUPTED when Tazz won which is exactly the point of the opening match. See, this is what you call LISTENING to the audience. WWF knew they had to appeal to the ECW fans and what better way than to have Tazz debut here? Today, Tazz would be in some comedy match and would likely lose, because Heaven forbid that the fans get what they want in one city for one night.

Angle does a stretcher job.

We go to the Hardys in the back and get a clip of them and the Dudleys putting each other through tables. Terri, the Hardys’ manager here, is told to stay in the back. She would be gone from the team soon, thank goodness.

Tazz says Angle is just the first victim.

Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

I believe match #1 or #2 in a series of roughly 8000 and it’s an elimination tables match. Bubba praises John Rocker of the Braves who had recently gone on a massive anti-New York rant in Sports Illustrated. The Hardys hit the ring and the match starts fast with Bubba hitting the Bubba Bomb on Jeff. No tags here thank goodness. Bubba sets up a table in the ring but before he can get another one, Jeff takes him out with a HUGE flip dive.

Jeff gets sent into the steps as Matt escapes a powerbomb through the table. D-Von suplexes Matt as Jeff CRACKS Bubba in the head with a chair. In a SICK spot, Jeff tries to run the railing but Bubba throws the table at Jeff, knocking him out of the air. That sounded GREAT. The pairings trade off and Bubba loads up the backsplash through the table, only for Jeff to come back and try a double superplex. D-Von moves the table but doesn’t stop the suplex.

Matt brings in a ladder because this might as well be a TLC style match. We head to the floor where the ladder is set up in front of a table with Bubba on it. Matt dives through Bubba through the table just as Jeff dives in from off camera with a splash, sending Bubba through the table in another awesome looking spot. So it’s 2-1 now with Jeff leaning a table up against the barricade. The steps are set up on their end and a table is set up like a bridge between the steps and the apron.

D-Von is placed on the bridged table but moves before Matt dives through him. He moves AGAIN to avoid a diving Jeff, sending him through the leaning table. Cool sequence there by Ninja D-Von. Apparently Bubba doesn’t have to leave. Ok that makes things more interesting. The Dudleys set up two steps in the ring and put a table across them before hitting a HUGE powerbomb on Matt to eliminate (in a sense) him. The tables are LOUD tonight too. Jeff gets beaten into the aisle but Matt quickly follows, only to get WHACKED in the head with a chair.

The Dudleys stack up four tables in front of the entrance (it’s the MSG setup where the entrance is opposite the cameras). Matt gets put on the tables and Jeff is CRACKED in the head again to break up the save attempt. Bubba climbs onto the taxi over the aisle to splash Matt, but remember that wouldn’t win the match. Jeff climbs up after him (I’m not sure where D-Von went) and blasts him with a chair, knocking him through two of the tables (still doesn’t win). Matt puts D-Von on the table and Jeff dives off the taxi with the Swanton through D-Von through the table for the win.

Rating: B+. This was AWESOME with all four guys being young and hungry here. The Dudleys were out to prove themselves and the Hardys were out to show they could hang in a fight. They had already proven they could fight in a violent match like the ladder match, but this was a brawl instead of a high flying match. REALLY fun stuff here though and well worth a look if you haven’t seen it. The Dudleys would get the titles next month, setting up the first triangle ladder match at Mania.

Angle gets a concussion test and complains that being choked out is illegal.

It’s time for the Miss Rumble Bikini contest with Sgt. Slaughter, Tony Garea, Moolah, Johnny V, FREDDY FREAKING BLASSIE and Andy Richter from Late Night with Conan O’Brien as judges. Jerry gets to emcee of course. The contestants are Ivory, Terri, Kat, Jackie, BB (You shouldn’t remember her) and Luna. The idea here is that Kat legitimately took her top off (full exposure too, the only intentional female nudity in WWF history) at Armageddon and more nudity was promised here.

Ivory doesn’t want to do it but eventually does. Terri does her usual skin colored one which we’ve seen before. Lawler freaks out over her bending over the ropes. Jackie…no one cares. BB isn’t bad but again, the whole point of this is for Kat to win. Luna won’t show. Kat is in a bikini made of bubble wrap. Creative if nothing else. The judges start tallying their scores but here’s Mae Young to enter as well. She takes off her robe, and THERE is the nudity (it was fake). Mae wins to complete the joke. Lawler’s reaction of “OH MY GOD I SAW THEM” is priceless. Mark Henry comes in to save our collective retinas.

The recently hired Coach doesn’t have much to say from WWF New York.

Chyna and Jericho, the co-IC Champions, argue over who gets to wear the belt to the ring. There was a double pin in a title match and they became co-champions as a result, which is a pretty creative idea.

Angle says he’s still undefeated. Rock would pin him on Smackdown a few weeks later.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

You know Jericho is fired up to be in MSG. He talks about how awesome his championship celebration will be, as it will make the millennium celebration look like his sister’s seventh birthday party. Holly piefaces Chyna down to start before getting in a slap fight with Jericho. Chyna gets sent to the floor for the Slaughter fall, leaving the blondes to fight for a bit. Holly hits that perfect dropkick of his but Jericho comes back with the forearm.

They slug it out until Holly tries a rana (huh?), only to get caught in the Walls. Chyna makes the save, basically turning heel at the same time. Chyna sends Holly to the floor and gets drilled by Jericho. Holly and Chyna go to the floor where Jericho tries a dive but slips and only hits Holly. Back in and there’s the handspring elbow and DDT from Chyna to the Canadian for two. Everyone heads to the floor where Jericho saves Chyna from a chair shot. Back in and both champions go up for a kind of double splash for two.

They both tried for a cover and a fight breaks out as a result. Chyna escapes a belly to back suplex and hits Jericho low, followed by a Pedigree for two on Holly. Chyna goes up but gets caught in a modified Doomsday Device (cross body instead of a clothesline) for a very close two. That probably should have been the finish. Now Jericho loads up a superplex but gets crotched for his efforts. Holly gets superplexed by Chyna but gets two on her off the bounce. Chyna chairs Holly in the head and puts on the Walls, only to have Jericho break it up and hit the Lionsault for the undisputed title and a BIG pop.

Rating: C+. This was pretty good and too short to get bad. It could have been on Raw but see, back in 2000, there was this crazy idea of finishing angles on PPV. I know that’s insane now and everything ends in a big match on Raw or rather just stops happening one day, but back in the old days, they ended like this. Match was fine.

Rock is worried about two and only two men in the Rumble: Crash Holly and Headbanger Mosh. Cole (minus facial hair) suggests maybe Rock should be worried about, say, Big Show. Rock says go make a glass of shut up juice (not one of his better catchphrases) and tells Big Show he doesn’t care what he thinks. He guarantees to win the Rumble right here in New York City and the place eats it up. I want one of those jerseys he’s wearing.

Jericho says he said he’d win and he’ll lead the Jerichoholics like a pied piper.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws are defending and there’s a backstory that doesn’t deserve to be listed. Who would have thought that THIRTEEN YEARS LATER the Outlaws would be on house shows for the WWE again? The Outlaws are heels here but they’re over like free beer in a frat house here in New York. The APA storms the ring and the beating is on quickly. Bradshaw and Billy officially get us started with Billy taking a fast beating. Both guys tag as the referee is adjusting his ear piece.

Faarooq imitates Dogg’s dance before getting double teamed a bit. Bradshaw breaks up the shaky knee drop and everything breaks down. The Clothesline kills Billy and there’s the spinebuster to Roadie….but Billy pulls the referee out. The ref is bumped and Road Dogg is hit with a double powerbomb. X-Pac runs in and kicks Bradshaw’s head off. The Fameasser to the future JBL retains the titles in like two and a half minutes. This had to be cut for time. The Outlaws would lose the titles to the Dudleys next month and that would be the end of the team.

Dogg rhymes about keeping the titles.

We recap HHH vs. Cactus Jack. HHH won the title the night after Summerslam from Mankind via cheating. Big Show got the title at Survivor Series but lost it back to HHH in January. Mankind stood up to the newly formed McMahon-Helmsley Era and got beaten down for his efforts. Foley got fired and we had a fake Mankind get humiliated. Rock then said that every single wrestler would walk out and form the Rock Wrestling Federation if Foley wasn’t rehired. See how different storylines could be back then? Mankind got HHH to agree to a street fight at the Rumble but got beaten up for his efforts.

This led to an AWESOME promo on Smackdown, where Mankind said he wasn’t ready to face HHH in a street fight, but he knew someone who did. He took off his mask and ripped open his shirt to reveal Cactus Jack, scaring HHH to death. These two, as in Cactus Jack and HHH, had fought in 1997 in the match that basically brought hardcore to the WWF and they did it in MSG, with Cactus winning clean. This was an excellent story and there was a VERY real feeling that Cactus could pull this off, because HHH was in WAY over his head. Check out the build to this match as it’s some of the best stuff you’ll EVER see.

WWF World Title: Cactus Jack vs. HHH

Street fight. It should also be noted that Foley lost about 30 pounds inside of a month and a half and is by far the slimmest you’ll ever see him look here. HHH does the long slow walk to the ring which makes things feel even more epic. Stephanie heads to the back which is probably a good thing. Dang I miss that big title. It’s SO much better looking than the stupid spinner version. Even now when it doesn’t spin it doesn’t look like something special but rather something like a toy. The belt on HHH looks classy.

Cactus looks like and animal and HHH looks terrified. Jack wins a quick slugout and pounds HHH down into the corner. We head to the floor for a swinging neckbreaker on HHH and a legdrop onto the apron knocks the Game back to the floor. HHH is rammed into various metal objects but comes back with a bell shot to take over. NOW we get to the fun part as the first chair is brought in.

Back in and Jack charges right into a chair shot like an idiot. Granted for him, that’s playing the character right. HHH goes to unhook the buckle instead of covering for some reason and Jack pops up to clothesline the champ down. There’s a legdrop onto a chair onto HHH’s head for two and we head outside again. HHH gets backdropped into the crowd and the beating begins again. JR: “They’re out in the sea of humanity.” Jerry: “Humanity? JR we’re in New York.”

HHH gets rammed into something made of metal that we can’t see and they head into the aisle. Cactus sets up a wooden pallet and suplexes HHH onto it before screaming in his face. This isn’t falls count anywhere mind you. There’s a trashcan to the head and HHH gets rammed into the steel doors. The fans chant for Foley as he gets suplexed onto the trashcan. The crowd is just RUTHLESS against HHH here as they head back to the ring. The aisle is really short so it’s not a long walk.

Jack rams a knee into HHH’s head to drive it into the steps and it’s back inside now. This is almost all Jack so far. There’s the 2×4 in barbed wire but HHH hits him low to get the board away. Some shots to Cactus’ ribs and back have him in trouble and HHH looks at the board as if to say “did I just do that?” Cactus blocks a shot to the head and hits HHH in the balls with the board. The double arm DDT puts HHH down as the referee takes the board out of the ring, drawing the loudest booing of the ngiht.

Cactus wants the board back and beats up the Spanish announce team who the board was left with. He gets a board (clearly not the same one but that’s likely for safety reasons) and after the referee is crushed, HHH gets hit in the forehead with the wire. The board is driven into HHH’s forehead and he’s busted something fierce now. The referee is back up now and we get the most famous spot of the match with Jack ripping the wire across HHH’s cut to make him scream.

Cactus tries to piledrive HHH through the announce table (same thing he won the 97 match with) but HHH counters with a backdrop. JR: “The champion is bleeding like a horse.” When does a horse bleed? HHH is bleeding from his leg which is a rare sight to see. The place LOUDLY cheers for Foley and we head back inside. The Pedigree is countered into a slingshot into the post and a bulldog on the wire gets two.

HHH has a spot called to him about the steps before the Cactus Clothesline takes them both to the floor. Cactus charges but gets hiptossed into the steps, banging his knee in the process. You know a Flair disciple like HHH knows how to work on a knee. Back inside and HHH clips him down before picking up the barbed wire for another shot to the knee. HHH pulls out some handcuffs in a flashback to last year.

Cactus fights back and hits HHH in the head with the cuffs in a smart move. The cuffs are locked up a few seconds later though and HHH starts pounding away. The steps are brought in but Foley comes out of nowhere with a drop toehold to send HHH face first into the steel. A low blow keeps HHH down and Cactus bites away. HHH gets back up and grabs a chair which he literally BREAKS over the back of Cactus. They head outside again and Cactus takes some shots to the head from the chair.

Cactus says hit me again but before HHH can crush the skull, Rock pops out of nowhere and blasts HHH in the head with a chair of his own. A cop comes in and unlocks the cuffs, freeing Cactus. HHH starts backpedaling fast but gets caught on the Spanish Announce Table. The piledriver hits this time but the table DOESN’T BREAK.

We haven’t gotten violent enough yet, so here’s a bag of thumbtacks. Stephanie comes out (complete with snakeskin choker in a nod to Cactus) and HHH comes back with a backdrop onto the tacks. There’s the Pedigree but Cactus kicks out at two to blow the roof off the place. It doesn’t last long though as a Pedigree ONTO THE TACKS finally ends Cactus.

Rating: A+. FREAKING OW MAN! If there’s a match that made a guy into a legitimate force better than this one made HHH, I’d love to see it. This was an absolute war with both guys destroying each other for about 27 minutes. The place never gave up on Foley and it’s easily one of his best matches ever. This is one of the best brawls ever and yet again it’s well worth checking out.

HHH is taken out on a stretcher but Cactus pulls him back into the arena. There’s a barbed wire shot to the head and the place cheers like crazy for Mick some more.

Linda is at WWF New York to talk about HHH’s title reign. Wait no she’s not. She would NEVER be involved with something involving bloodshed. And Stephanie is oh so precious and does SO much work for charity don’t you know.

Royal Rumble

The intervals are “two minutes or less” according to the Fink. We get a quick look at Shawn’s miracle save in 95 which would play a role in the coming weeks. D’Lo Brown is #1 and Grandmaster Sexay is #2. Feeling out process to start with Sexay countering Brown’s running powerbomb into a rana. A middle rope missile dropkick puts Brown down and Mosh, complete with cones on his chest, is #3.

Kai En Tai, two guys ticked off about not being in the Rumble, runs in and are immediately thrown out. Nothing else happens for a minute or so until Christian (with his AWESOME solo theme called Blood Brother. Look it up) is #4. Nothing happens again so here’s Rikishi to a POP at #5. Mosh, Christian and Brown are quickly dispatched, leaving Grandmaster and Rikishi.

Scotty 2 Hotty is #6 to complete the trio…..and it’s time to DANCE! The place absolutely loses it over this until Rikishi clotheslines and eliminates them both. Note that it is NOT a heel turn and just business, which Too Cool is ok with. Rikishi dances a bit more on his own and the place is still erupting.

The company took notice of those eruptions too, and the three of them wound up feuding with the Radicalz for the next four months or so, resulting in Too Cool getting the tag titles and Rikishi getting the IC Title. In other words, they were given a stupid gimmick, got it over, and were rewarded. Today, you get to lose the US Title to Jack Swagger and become a jobber to the stars if you get yourselves over. As I typed that, Steve Blackman came in at #7 and was eliminated.

Viscera is #8 and you know New York loves itself a fat boy battle. Big Visc rams into him a few times but misses a charge and three straight superkicks put him him. Big Boss Man is #9 and won’t get in, drawing some good heel heat. He stays out on the floor until Test is #10. Test pounds away on Boss Man to finally get all three guys in there. Boss Man hits Test low but Rikishi hits Test low to put both guys down.

British Bulldog is #11 as things slow down a bit. There’s a low blow for Rikishi as well and Bulldog tries to get him out until Gangrel is #12. Kai En Tai comes out again and Taka is thrown over the top into a 360, landing face first on the floor. FREAKING OW MAN. This would be played multiple times over the rest of the match, much to Lawler’s amusement. Edge (starting to mean something and over in New York) is #13.

Boss Man takes a Banzai Drop and Bob freaking Backlund is #14. He comes out to Hail to the Chief as he’s legitimately running for Congress in Connecticut at this point. You would think that would have been a tip for Linda’s future but alas no. Everyone goes after Rikishi and dumps him out to get us to the second part of the match. To recap, we’ve got Boss Man, Bulldog, Test, Gangrel, Backlund and Edge in there at the moment. Jericho is #15 to his third or fourth big pop of the night.

Jericho goes right for Edge in a match that would be for the world title eventually. That doesn’t last long though as Jericho dumps Backlund, who yells at some fans before leaving. Actually he goes into the crowd to look for Connecticut registered voters. For a guy as bland as he was back in the day, Crazy Backlund is one of the best performances I’ve ever seen.

Crash is #16 and gets a double spanking from Edge and Bulldog. Ok then. Edge is sent to the apron by Bulldog so he punches the British Boy in the balls. Chyna is #17 in the far less remembered Rumble appearance. She goes right for Jericho and suplexes him out in about 30 seconds but gets knocked out by Boss Man almost immediately. Faarooq is #18 and here’s the Mean Street Posse who is also out of the Rumble. Those three and Kai En Tai were all thrown out of the Rumble on Heat so five more guys could be added in.

Anyway Faarooq is quickly dumped and Road Dogg is #19. The crowd does his entrance for him but he runs right into a low blow. The fans want Puppies, a term Road Dogg invented. Crash survives an elimination and Al Snow is #20. Roadie throws out the Bulldog and Val Venis is #21. Funaki runs in on his own and is thrown out almost immediately again. Prince Albert (Tensai) is #22 and there goes Edge.

The ring is getting too full now with Boss Man, Test, Gangrel, Crash, Road Dogg, Snow, Venis and Albert. Dogg continues his strategy: hide in the corner and wrap all four limbs around the bottom rope. I’ve heard worse ideas. Hardcore Holly is #23 and we’re getting down to almost only big names left. Crash gets knocked to the apron but gets back in AGAIN.

Now we get to the final part of the match as The Rock is #24 to bring everyone to their feet. Boss Man is the first victim, being eliminated by a spit punch. Venis and Test double team him but Rock hangs on in the corner. He beats up Hardcore for a bit as Billy Gunn is #25. He goes right for Rocky but since no one believes Billy Gunn is going to eliminate Rock, the Great One throws out Crash to give himself something to do instead. Dogg has shifted over to another corner now.

Big Show, Rock’s opponent for this match, is #26. Rocky pounds on him immediately but Albert sticks his fat head in Rock’s business. Show dumps Gangrel and Test before going to stomp on Rocky. Bradshaw is #27 and is out in about 30 seconds at the hands of the Outlaws and the Mean Street Posse. Kane is #28 complete with the still sexy Tori. Venis gets thrown out almost immediately and Show stupidly gorilla presses Gunn down instead of out. Kane knocks Albert out as Godfather is #29. The Ho’s are especially good looking tonight.

Funaki comes out for the fourth time. JR: “For the love of Pete.” Jerry: “No that’s Funaki.” X-Pac is #30 which was announced in advance. The final group is Road Dogg, Al Snow, Hardcore Holly, Rock, Gunn, Show, Kane, Godfather and X-Pac. Snow dumps Holly and Show puts Godfather out. Rock dumps Snow to get us to six. Billy dumps a talking too much Roadie just before getting dumped by Show.

We’ve got X-Pac, Kane, Big Show and Rock as the final four. I’ve seen far worse. Rock throws out X-Pac but the referee is with Kane who is fighting the Outlaws on the floor. Pac gets back in and the guys pair off. Show sends Rock into Kane for a big boot as the giants choke each other. Pac kicks Rock down and Kane hits a pretty good enziguri and an even better slam on Big Show. Pac kicks Kane out and a Bronco Buster on Big Show.

Rock dumps X-Pac and we’re down to two. The spinebuster sets up the Elbow but since IT’S JUST A FREAKING ELBOW DROP, Show gets up and chokeslams Rock down. Show takes WAY too much time though and Rock holds onto the top rope, sending Big Show out to go to Wrestlemania. Awesome ending to an awesome match.

Rating: A. AWESOME Rumble here with the absolute right ending. This was the Rock’s Rumble and there was no other person who should have won it. The only part that was a little dull here was the middle but it’s certainly not bad. This followed the three part structure as all great Rumbles do and as usual, it worked like a charm. Great Rumble and one that might have a claim to best ever.

Rock says he’s going to Wrestlemania when Big Show comes in and knocks him to the floor. Show stands in the ring as Rock leaves to end the show.

Overall Rating: A+. This is one of the best shows the WWF has ever put on. Period. There isn’t a bad match on the whole card, the crowd is ON FIRE all night and you have two excellent matches to round out the show. I can’t imagine anything in the next 12 years surpassing this one and I can’t recommend it highly enough. Outstanding show.

Ratings Comparison

Tazz vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-

Redo: C+

Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: A

Redo: B+

Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: C

Redo: C+

New Age Outlaws vs. Acolytes

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

HHH vs. Cactus Jack

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: A-

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

Still great and still the best Rumble ever.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/19/royal-rumble-count-up-2000-match-of-the-decade-maybe-yeah/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Smackdown
Date: January 13, 2000
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 13,253
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is another request that I don’t remember the reason behind. This is right around the Rumble so I’d bet on there being a lot of hype for the show. We’re in a good time for the company as 2000 is probably the best year the company has ever had, which is saying a lot as they had some solid years around this point. I have no idea what to expect here so let’s get to it.

The opening video is from Raw with Rock demanding that HHH and Stephanie reinstate Mick Foley before the entire roster walks out. Rock also demanded an eight man tag with DX vs. the Acolytes and Rock N Sock Connection. DX walked out on HHH for some reason and Foley got Pedigreed through the table and in the ring for the pin. Mankind came back and beat HHH up anyway.

Cue HHH and Stephanie to open the show. Stephanie says she wants to clear something up: no Superstars are leaving this company because the two of them have righted the wrongs. Why would anyone ever want to leave? Their doors are always open and they’re always fair. Stephanie says she’s the ONLY McMahon running things in this company.

HHH says that he needs to get something off his chest. He needs to apologize, but it’s not to the fans or to the guys that were going to walk out on Monday. HHH is their world champion and it’s for the fans. He will however apologize to DX. HHH talks about trying to show DX tough love and getting tough love in exchange when they walked out on him.

He wants to right the wrongs tonight, so it’s the Outlaws vs. Bradshaw in a No DQ handicap match. If Farrooq interferes, the Acolytes lose their title shot at the Rumble. The Outlaws get to have the same match with Farrooq too. As for X-Pac, tonight he’s teaming up with HHH to face Big Show and The Rock. As for Mick Foley, on Monday he was left in a puddle of blood. That’s just a taste of what’s coming at the Rumble in New York City. HHH has nothing to do right now, so get out here Foley.

Here’s Foley but it’s a fake. The fake one kneels before HHH and begs for mercy until the real Mankind comes out. He talks about how HHH has tried to take away his job and his dignity, but then on Monday he took away the best night of his career. HHH bloodied him and ruined his shirt. On Monday as the cool water of the shower hit him, he realized that Mankind may be entertaining and a good author, he’s not ready to face HHH in a street fight at the Royal Rumble.

However, the fans deserve a replacement, and that replacement is here tonight. Foley takes off the mask and rips open his shirt, revealing the Cactus Jack WANTED DEAD shirt. Cactus says that his first official act as a part of the WWF is kicking HHH’s teeth all over Chicago. He pounds HHH down in the corner (in what I believe Foley called the best punches he ever threw) and shrugs off a chair shot from the Fake Foley. HHH bails as the other one gets beaten up. Cactus says he’ll bleed at the Rumble but he’s going to beat HHH all over New York City and take the WWF Title from him. AWESOME segment here.

New Age Outlaws vs. Bradshaw

Road Dogg runs down the fans for not getting the catchphrase right. Bradshaw throws powder at the Outlaws who amazingly don’t snort it. Billy gets thrown into the steps and Billy is clotheslined to the floor. Bradshaw puts the steps in the ring and sets up a piledriver to Billy on said steps but Road Dogg saves with a chair shot. The double beating goes on until Bradshaw fights back in vain. Bradshaw kicks the chair into Roadie’s face but as he goes to slam Billy, Road Dogg chairs him in the head with Billy falling on top for the pin.

Here’s Rock in the back who welcomes this new guy named Jonathan Coachman to the WWF. Coach says he’s called Coach which Rock doesn’t like. Rock says it doesn’t matter if he’s teaming with Big Show or Big Bird, he’ll win. It doesn’t matter how Coach got the name Coach and that’s about it.

Too Cool/Rikishi vs. Hardcore Holly/Crash Holly/Al Snow

This was during Snow’s questionable heel turn phase. Hardcore and Grandmaster start us off and Holly is taken over by a hip toss. Off to Crash who gets the same treatment. Scotty comes in and things speed up. A kind of pumphandle slam puts Crash down and it’s Worm time. Snow pulls Scotty to the floor and Hardcore takes over on him. The former racecar dude jumps into a boot and it’s hot tag Rikishi. A one man 3D kills Crash but Hardcore dropkicks him down. Snow gets crotched on the post as the Rikishi Driver ends Crash.

Rating: D+. Not much here but the fans popped big for Rikishi and his dancing pals. For the life of me I don’t get the point of making him a heel. I mean…..why would anyone do that? The match was nothing of note but it filled in about five minutes which is the right idea I guess. Nothing much to see here though.

Snow beats up the Hollies with Head. Too Cool and Rikishi dance.

HHH congratulates the Outlaws but they don’t know where X-Pac is.

Clip of Cactus Jack in Japan being all psycho. Good thing they had this ready just in case he transformed isn’t it?

Test vs. Gangrel

Test has a broken nose or something like that coming in here. He starts off fast but walks into a belly to belly. Test gets sent to the floor where Luna attacks. Back in and Gangrel gets crushed by the gutwrench powerbomb but Luna distracts referee Teddy Long. There’s the full nelson slam but Luna pulls the referee to the floor and decks him. She jumps on Test and gets spanked for her efforts. The match is thrown out and that’s probably a good thing.

Test beats up both of them post match.

Jericho and Chyna are in the back and try to make up after losing in a tag match on Monday.

Hardy Boys vs. Big Bossman/Prince Albert

This is before Lita joined the team so it’s Terri with them here. Albert is currently known as Tensai. He and Jeff get us going with Jeff having to evade a lot. Off to Matt for some successful double teaming on the current Japanese enthusiast. Albert gets Matt up for a spinning rack neckbreaker and it’s off to Bossman. He beats Matt down even more and kidnaps Terri which goes nowhere. Everything breaks down and Jeff avoids a charging Albert, sending him into Bossman. Albert and Bossman had been arguing a lot lately so while they fight some more, Jeff dropkicks Bossman into Alberto and rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here really but it was all about splitting up Albert and Bossman for good, which needed to be done. Bossman would do nothing of note while Albert would join T&A which gave us some very hot shots of Trish Stratus. The match was nothing of note though and was just there as a means to an end.

Big Show wants to face HHH but says he doesn’t like being called a jabroni by Rock. Maybe he’ll win the Rumble instead of Rock.

Chyna goes up to Tori (not Wilson) and has bad news for her. I guess we’ll get more on that later.

Kurt Angle/Steve Blackman vs. Edge/Christian

Angle is VERY new here, having about three months under his belt at this point. Edge and Blackman get us going with Edge dominating through a lot of dropkicks. Off to Christian vs. Angle with the Olympian getting run over. Christian misses a charge and runs into the post to give the cannon fodder control. It’s so weird to see Angle as a rookie like this and the lowest level guy as far as accomplishments go. Angle hooks a quick chinlock but the Angle Slam is countered into a DDT by Christian. Blackman fires off some kicks to Edge….and here’s Val Venis. He plays with Blackman’s kendo stick so Edge can hit a German for the pin.

Rating: D. I have no idea what the point of this was as I don’t remember Blackman vs. Val at all and I have no idea why this would have been a feud at all. Angle would become the first big star out of this with Edge close behind him and again it’s weird to see something like this with both of them being lower midcard guys. The match was nothing.

Chyna is talking to Tori in the back still and says that Jericho is crossing a line. He’s been looking at Tori apparently and maybe Kane, Tori’s boyfriend, should kill Jericho as long as it’s not for the co-owned IC Title that Jericho and Chyna share. Tori freaks out and agrees.

Clip of Cactus diving into a dumpster and getting shoved off the stage.

New Age Outlaws vs. Farrooq

Farrooq jumps them both to start but the numbers catch up with him quickly. Billy hits a Jackhammer and the shaky knee gets the pin with Billy helping out. This wasn’t even 90 seconds.

Bradshaw runs out with a pipe for the save.

DX is still looking for X-Pac.

D’Lo Brown/Godfather vs. Headbangers

What is with all the tag matches tonight? An orange logo pops up on screen with a 13 in the middle and says the mood is about to change. That would wind up being Taz. Godfather asks if the Headbangers are gay but Mosh says Godfather’s problem is that they look better than his ladies. Mosh and Brown get us going but both quickly tag. Godfather runs Thrasher over and hits the spinning legdrop. Brown comes back in for a double suplex The Bangers double team D’Lo but since they don’t recognize, it’s quickly back to Godfather for the Ho Train. Low Down gets the quick pin. This was basically a squash.

Big Show and Rock are in the back and Big Show doesn’t want Rock in his way tonight. Rock says Big Show is a worthy opponent but he’ll never be People’s Champion. HHH can have the back of his hand while X-Pac has the front during the beatdown tonight. Rock is just CRAZY over here.

More Classic Cactus shows him winning a random hardcore match over Mideon and Viscera.

Chris Jericho vs. Kane

Pre-match Jericho runs his mouth of course, saying that he doesn’t find Tori attractive and you’d have to be stupid to do so. The beating begins as Chyna is watching in the back with a big smile on her face. Kane grabs him to start but Jericho comes back with the forearm….which does nothing at all. A powerbomb puts the Canadian down and a shoulder sends Jericho to the floor.

Kane mixes it up and tries a clothesline off the steps but Jericho ducks. They go to the apron with Jericho dropkicking Kane to the floor. Jericho finally gets a breather by hitting a drop toehold onto the steps. Back in the missile dropkick looks to set up the Walls but the Kat (Chyna’s implied lesbian worship slave) comes out to steal the IC belt. The distraction lets the chokeslam and tombstone get the pin.

Rating: C-. Nothing here but these two had some chemistry together at times. The co-champions angle didn’t really work but it was certainly a unique idea. Kane would move on to feud with X-Pac over Tori while Jericho would have crazy good matches with Angle and Benoit for like ever.

X-Pac is here, making the whole “where is he” stuff from earlier mean nothing. Pac isn’t worried about tonight but doesn’t like having to get beaten up every week. HHH says trust him.

X-Pac/HHH vs. Big Show/The Rock

HHH tries to drive a wedge between his opponents by saying Rock has to come out last to get the big pop because of his ego. Big Show looks mad before starting with HHH. Show pounds him down and hits a headbutt before stomping away in the corner. He refuses to tag Rock so when he calls for the chokeslam, Rock tags himself in. Off to Pac and Rock destroys him, throwing him to the outside. Spinebuster to HHH looks to set up the Elbow but Pac hits him in the back with a chair.

Pac comes in but the Bronco Buster is killed by a clothesline. Rock takes a spinwheel kick for two and it’s back to HHH. DX tags off a few times until HHH walks into a DDT. Rock crawls over to Big Show but the big man walks out on him, officially turning heel. A low blow and Pedigree get the pin on Rock.

Rating: D+. Nothing much to see here as this was much more about the angle than the match. Rock vs. HHH would obviously be a bigger deal later on in the year and would go on to produce one of the best feuds of all time. Big Show would turn face again just after Wrestlemania. That guy must hold a record for most turns.

Post match Big Show chokeslams Rock to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t the worst show ever but it had an excellent opener to start things off. The Rumble would wind up being awesome and almost everything here touched on matches there other than Hardys vs. Dudleys but I can live with that. The opening segment is legendary and it is for a reason, as it worked perfectly. Not a good show for the most part but it had its moments.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Smackdown
Date: January 11, 2013
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’ll begin with a little history here: twenty years ago today, a show called Monday Night Raw premiered. To celebrate, tonight the main event is a last man standing match with Big Show facing Alberto Del Rio as his major face push continues, near Santa killing aside. Also, for the first time in longer than I can remember, Rock is on Smackdown tonight. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is all about the Rock which is the right decision. Oh and we’re in his hometown too. Show vs. Del Rio gets a bit of time at the end.

Here’s Booker to open the show. He doesn’t like being one upped by Raw with Ziggler vs. Cena, so tonight it’s Orton vs. Cesaro. Rock is here too, and we go to a screen shot of Del Rio vs. Show as Booker does what is clearly a voiceover saying it’ll be a last man standing match for the title. I wonder what they changed there.

Anyway Big Show comes out sans music to yell at Booker for his decision. He goes to the floor to get a mic (Show to the guys at ringside: “Somebody get me a mic. There are ten of you over there. What do you all do?” That’s a really good question actually.) and accuses Booker of playing up to the Latino population here in Miami.

Show says Del Rio is beneath him and people like the ones here in Miami don’t deserve heroes. Show: “There are no Latino heroes.” I’m not touching that one. He says an Irishman couldn’t stop him, a Latino can’t stop him and a viper can’t stop him. Show gets back in the ring and grabs Booker by the throat but here’s Del Rio for the save. He dropkicks Show into the corner and hits the running enziguri to send Show to the floor.

We get a classic Rock on Smackdown moment from the post 9/11 Smackdown with Rock hitting Stasiak with a Rock Bottom to beat him in three seconds.

Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro

Not bad for an opener. As he comes to the ring, Cesaro says in an inset interview that he’ll be in the Rumble. Cesaro pounds away to start and hits some European uppercuts before being sent to the floor. Orton clotheslines him down on the floor and we take a break. Back with Cesaro holding Randy in a chinlock before getting two off a clothesline. There’s the gutwrench suplex for two more and Cesaro punches away in the corner.

We get another quick chinlock but Orton fights out and gets two off his rollup out of the corner. A Michinoku Driver of all things gets two for Antonio as JBL gets on Josh’s case for mentioning the word complacent when talking about Cesaro. Orton snaps off his powerslam but gets tossed into the air for the uppercut for two. Randy escapes a whip into the corner and hits his backbreaker followed by the Elevated DDT. He loads up the RKO and here’s the Shield for the DQ at 5:48 shown of 9:18.

Rating: C. I like both of these guys and it’s a good sign to see Cesaro kept strong again. It seems like we’re heading for Sheamus/Orton/Ryback vs. Shield at the Rumble which would work out fine. If nothing else, Shield getting to rub elbows with these guys makes them look like big deals. The match here was fine and I wouldn’t object to seeing a longer version of this.

The TripleBomb takes Orton down and the Shield stands tall.

3MB talks about being in the Rumble. Slater called his mom and was told that they have a ten percent chance of winning. Apparently they’re dealing with Sheamus tonight.

Punk and Heyman are at Sun Life Stadium, home of Wrestlemania 28 and the Miami Hurricanes football team. Punk talks about how big a fan he is of Rock and his football career. He pulls out a Johnson jersey #94 (Rock’s old jersey) and says he’s a big college football aficionado.

He wanted to come to where Rock played back in the day, but that was in the Orange Bowl which is demolished and gone. That’s like WWE now, because this isn’t Rock’s WWE anymore. It’s Punk’s WWE now and Rock has no place in it. Punk says Rock can come back to Miami, but he can never go home again. Good stuff here and it’s always nice to see them outside of the arena.

Del Rio says Big Show has no idea what the Latino people are like and says he’ll win the title tonight.

Dolph Ziggler/AJ vs. Natalya/Great Khali

The guys start things off with Ziggler quickly getting chopped a few times. Off to the girls and AJ jumps on Khali’s back. Natalya takes her down and rams AJ’s head into the mat a few times. Nattie loads up the Sharpshooter but AJ bites her finger. They head to the corner where AJ bites Natalya’s ear before hitting a Sliced Bread #2 for the pin at 2:43. Nothing here but AJ craziness.

Post match Langston runs over Khali and hits the Big Ending on Hornswoggle. Freaking sweet.

Punk is still at the stadium and talks about how Rock sounds like a superhero returning to save the people. The people don’t deserve to be saved though. Rather they deserve to rot, because Punk is better than the people. Heyman says that’s Rock’s vision, but in CM Punk’s WWE, it doesn’t matter what Rock’s vision is. Punk takes off the jersey and drops it on the ground before walking away. Still awesome stuff here.

Another classic Rock moment shows us Rock N Sock Connection hijinks.

Here’s Rocky to an eruption. He shows us his arm and the goosebumps on it before saying FINALLY. Rock says Flo Rida is here and says this is a very special show. He talks about Raw and hitting the Rock Bottom on Punk but tonight the champ isn’t here. Rock talks about being in school in Miami and football practice at a field that the local fans recognize the name of. Rock says that it feels good to be home, but the real home he’s going to is the Royal Rumble where he’ll win the title again.

He asks the people if they want to have fun tonight and here are the Rhodes Scholars to interrupt. Sandow introduces himself and Cody to the crowd and Cody says they they don’t think Rock should be here. They’re the ones that are going to be champions soon, so it should be their time. Rock talks about how the Scholars came down here (WHAT) to the People’s ring (WHAT) on the Rock’s show (WHAT) dressed like that (you get the drill) with a dead caterpillar on Cody’s lip. Rock goes to say something but has to ask what in the name of sweet tap dancing Jesus is on Cody’s face.

Sandow wants to ask Rock three questions, and if Rock gets them right, he can stay. If he gets them wrong, he has to leave. Rock says bring those questions but Cody says there’s no point since Rock went to Miami (one of the best academic schools in the country). The first question is who was the 19^th President of the United States, which Rock correctly identifies as Rutherford B. Hayes. Sandow: “That is correct.” Rock: “The Rock knows his 19^th century.”

Cody asks what movie won Best Picture in 1993. Rock says it wasn’t Tooth Fairy but rather Schindler’s List. Sandow is about to ask the third question but Rock has one for Damien instead. If Sandow gets it right, he gets a prize from Rock and Miami. The question is what happens when you combine a geological aggregate of minerals with its lowest form. That would be a Rock Bottom says Damien. Rock says exactly, and there’s his Rock Bottom. Cody and Rock have a staredown and Cody is ready to fight, so here’s a spinebuster and the People’s Elbow for him. Incredibly entertaining segment here with Rock giving two guys a rub.

Sheamus vs. 3MB

Good old fashioned handicap match here. The Band does have to tag though. Slater starts but immediately bails to the floor where his teammates join him. They try to charge in at once but only Slater goes in, catching a Brogue Kick for the pin at 45 seconds.

HELL NO vs. Prime Time Players

Darren and Daniel start things off and slug it out in the corner. Off to Titus for a release slam but he charges into a pair of boots from Bryan in the corner. Kane comes in and cleans house, getting two off a sidewalk slam. The Players break up a double chokeslam attempt but a single one gets the pin on Darren at 2:22. Just a squash.

Eve vs. Kaitlyn is confirmed for Raw. Again.

We recap the opening segment.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio

Last man standing and Show is defending. Show starts with a hard chop and a slam to put Del Rio down for a short count. Del Rio comes back with a superkick to the stomach but gets chopped right back down again. Show pulls out a table but sets it up between the announcers’ table and the ring instead of putting it inside. Rather than saving it for later Show pulls Del Rio to the floor and casually slams him through the table for a six count.

Back in and Del Rio kicks Show in the ribs to knock a chair out of his hands. Del Rio GOES OFF on Show with some chair shots, showing more emotion in a ten second stretch than he’s shown in the last two years combined. He goes for the cross armbreaker but Show picks him up and carries him to the ropes. Show tries to throw him to the floor but Del Rio hooks the armbreaker over the ropes for a few moments before finally dropping him.

The fall from the apron gets a seven count on Del Rio as Show rests his arm. We take a break and come back with Alberto hitting a running kick to Show’s arm on the floor. Show gets in a shot to break the momentum and slides in another table. Del Rio fires off more kicks to the ribs and dropkicks Show through the table to a big reaction. I’ll give Alberto this: he isn’t backing down.

That only gets a seven as well so Del Rio jumps on Show’s back. After about thirty seconds Show flips Del Rio over but Alberto fires off whatever strikes he can get off to stagger the big man, including a pair of boots in the corner. Del Rio charges into a chokeslam though, drawing an eight count. A headbutt puts Del Rio on the floor and there’s the spear through the barricade as Show is known to do.

Alberto gets up AGAIN at nine this time so Show sends him into the ring again. The WMD connects clean…..but Del Rio gets up at eight AGAIN. The crowd is losing it in a hurry. Del Rio is down at nine but he was up enough to stop the count. Show picks up the steps but misses a charge into the post and drives the steps into his own head.

Alberto blasts Show with the steps and then hits him with them again in the bad shoulder. A THIRD shot finally puts Show down behind the announce table and in a brilliant move, Del Rio turns the announce table over on top of Show. Show can’t escape and Del Rio wins the title at 14:08 shown of 17:38. Ricardo can barely even make the announcement from being so excited.

Rating: B. This wasn’t much of a match, but man alive did they put Del Rio over STRONG here. I don’t think he’ll make it to Mania or even through Elimination Chamber with the title, but this was a great moment and the place legitimately seemed thrilled that Del Rio won the title. To say they’re pushing him as a big deal is an understatement. One thing though: JBL said Alberto survived two KO punches and I read the same in a spoiler, but I only saw one here. Not that it matters much but that was curious.

Overall Rating: B. Smackdown is BACK. You can always tell when WWE is trying and when they’re just killing time until the next major show and this was an episode where they were trying. We had Rocky out there doing his thing, matches being set up, angle advancement, and a big time main event with a surprise ending. Enjoy it while it lasts though, because the summer will be here before you know it. Really good show here.

Results

Randy Orton b. Antonio Cesaro via DQ when Shield interfered

AJ/Dolph Ziggler b. Natalya/Great Khali – Sliced Bread #2 to Natalya

Sheamus b. 3MB – Brogue Kick to Slater

HELL NO b. Prime Time Players – Chokeslam to Young

Alberto Del Rio b. Big Show – Big Show couldn’t answer the ten count

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

As confirmed by WWE.comAlberto Del Rio beat Big Show in a last man standing match to win the World Heavyweight Title.  I’m very surprised by this and the field is now open for guesses on what it means for the Rumble and Mania, but I can’t imagine Del Rio holding the title until then.  Also for you trivia people, this is the first time the title has changed hands on Smackdown since 2011.

Thoughts/predictions?

Smackdown
Date: January 4, 2013
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Josh Matthews

Welcome to the day of the year where more stuff happens in wrestling than any other. Whether it be the NJPW supershow or the Fingerpoke of Doom or Foley winning the title or Hogan debuting on Impact or Bret and Shawn burying the hatchet, something ALWAYS happens on January 4. Odds are not much of note will happen tonight, but things in the WWE will pick up big on Monday when Rock returns. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Orton returning to fight the Shield tonight as Alberto attacking Big Show after Ricardo got beaten up.

Here’s Orton to open the show. He says that his new year’s resolution is to become World Champion again. For some reason Smackdown isn’t his show anymore, so he’s entering the Royal Rumble. This brings out Sheamus who enters the Rumble as well. He’s also here to thank Orton for his help with the Shield on Raw. Orton says that was for himself and now Sheamus and starts talking about the Rumble again. Sheamus says he knows a bit about the Rumble since he won it last year. They say they’ll eliminate each other, so here’s Big Show with something of his own to say.

The champ says all the winner of the Rumble gets is a shot at his fist, which is what Sheamus has gotten every single time they’ve fought. If Orton wants a shot, that’s fine with him so come take a shot. Cue Cesaro who makes fun of these bragging Americans. Sheamus says he’s from Ireland but Cesaro doesn’t really care. Orton says how about this lazy American comes and RKOs Cesaro. Booker, tag match set, end opening segment.

Kingston gets his rematch tonight.

The Miz vs. Heath Slater

Did Drew always have that cowboy hat? JBL: “Here comes the air guitar playing version of the Spirit Squad.” So which one is Dolph Ziggler? Apparently this is because of 3MB being on MizTV the week before the Slammys. Feeling out process to start with Miz cranking on Slater’s arm. A dropkick of all things puts Heath down and Miz works on a headlock. That stays on for a good while, suggesting this is going to be a long match.

Miz makes fun of the air guitar playing and pokes Slater in the eye. I would say it worked for Roddy Piper but Miz hasn’t acted like Piper in years. Think back to the time he was champion: he ran his mouth a lot, he wasn’t the best technical guy in the world, no one could seem to beat him no matter what, he had a lackey who was better in the ring than he was, and he somehow kept getting by the top guy in the company. Sound like any famous kilt wearing wrestlers?

Miz hiptosses Slater down but McIntyre trips him up to change momentum. Miz has to fight off the other 3MB guys, drawing an ejection for them and a quick rollup for two on Slater. We take a break and come back with Slater pounding away in the corner. Miz fights back so Slater bails again, only to get clotheslined down again. JBL talks about how important it was for Miz to team with Cena on Raw. Remember kids: title reigns from two years ago aren’t as important as a one off tag match that opens up a New Year’s Eve episode of Raw that no one watched.

Back inside, Miz misses a charge and his shoulder goes into the post, giving Slater something to focus on. After escaping a quick arm hold, Miz grabs a sunset flip for two before having his head kicked off for the same result for Slater. The sequence works so well that we do the exact same thing but with a clothesline instead of a kick by Slater. Miz comes back with a knee to the ribs and a kick to the face for two, only to have Slater send him into the buckle to stop the comeback.

Slater wraps Miz’s arm around the post as JBL goes back and forth between praising Slater’s abilities and blasting his non-existent singing abilities. Miz suplexes out of a headlock and both guys are down. Slater goes back to the arm so Miz uses the good elbow to take over again. A neckbreaker gets two for Heath but Miz shrugs it off and hits his signature stuff, finishing Slater with the Skull Crushing Finale at 12:22 shown of 15:22.

Rating: C. My first guess as to why Miz isn’t getting over as a face: it took him fifteen minutes to beat Heath Slater in a one on one match. That being said, I’m not going to complain about a match with a decent story in it and some psychology thrown in. The fact that Slater had nothing to be able to finish Miz off with didn’t help, but I could come up with far worse ways to kill time on this show.

We recap Kofi losing the title on Monday.

Barrett doesn’t want to talk about losing to Kofi in a gauntlet match on Main Event.

Great Khali/Hornswoggle/Natalya vs. Primo/Epico/Rosa Mendes

This is an excuse to show the Mae Young stuff from Raw again. You know, because THAT is something to be proud of. The girls start things off with Natalya taking over with ease. Rosa tags in Epico, who gets to fight Khali. Epico turns around, sees Khali, and tags out to Primo. Khali hits a big chop and it’s off to Horny for some comedy offense. He hits a Stunner on Epico but Primo finally takes him down with a shot to the head. JBL: “Doesn’t PETA have rules against that?” Horny finally tags Khali, house is cleaned, and the big chop pins Epico at 4:03.

Rating: D. I feel sorry for Epico and Primo. They aren’t ever going to be the kings of the tag division, but man alive they deserve better than to have to sell for Hornswoggle’s offense. This was one of those comedy matches that was lacking the comedy, but at least it was pretty short.

Kofi says this isn’t about momentum because it’s likely his last chance at the title. I highly doubt that.

Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett

Feeling out process to start with Kofi using his speed to escape the power brawling Barrett. Off to an armbar by the challenger which doesn’t last that long. Wade bails to the floor but Kofi follows him out and sends him into the steps to take over again. Back in and a springboard forearm to the head gets two. The champ sends him into the corner and things slow down again. It’s rather interesting how the fans seemed to be WAY more interested in Miz vs. Slater than they are here for a title match. I’m sure the fans not moving during the Miz match isn’t noteworthy at all.

We hit the chinlock which doesn’t last long as Kofi tries some fast rollups for two each. Barrett gets backdropped to the floor, followed by a dive from Kofi to take him out. Barrett seems fine to chill on the floor for a countout while claiming an injury but Kofi will have none of that. Wade hides in the ropes again as we take a break. Back with Wade knocking Kingston down with something we didn’t see for no cover.

Back to the chinlock before Barrett shifts his attack to the ribs, firing off some kicks and dropping a middle rope elbow for two. Kofi gets placed in the ropes and kicked to the floor again, drawing what appears to be legitimate heat from the crowd. Kingston gets back in at nine and immediately has to block a superplex. The top rope cross body gets two on Barrett and Kofi wins a slugout.

Kofi loads up another springboard but Barrett avoids it, only to get caught in the SOS for two. A BIG running kick to the side of Barrett’s head sets up the Boom Drop. Kofi loads up Trouble in Paradise but Barrett ducks, setting off a very hot sequence of near falls for both guys. Winds of Change (Boss Man Slam) gets two for Wade but Kofi kicks his head off, sending him out to the floor.

After Kofi finally gets him back inside, Barrett grabs the rope at two. The place is really getting into this. Kingston charges into a boot in the corner but ducks the Bull Hammer, only to jump off the middle rope right into said Hammer, which retains the title for Barrett at 13:14 shown of 16:44.

Rating: B-. What is with all this wrestling tonight? That’s two matches out three that broke fifteen minutes, which is almost unheard of anymore. Kofi continues to be the guy that can have a good match with anyone and contrary to some opinions, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having that role for the next five years for him. Just because he doesn’t make it to the main event doesn’t mean he’s a failure by any stretch. Good match here as you would expect from these two.

Layla vs. Tamina Snuka

Tamina chokes Layla against the ropes to start. Layla stares at Tamina like an idiot before getting shoved to the outside. We hit the chinlock as the crowd is SILENT. JBL makes fun of Josh’s inability to talk to women as the match is dragging despite only running a minute and a half so far. Layla makes her comeback and hits a dropkick to the side of the head before screaming. When you can understand every word she’s shouting, you might need to do a better job at firing up the crowd. The bouncing cross body is caught in a slam and the Superfly Splash gets the pin at 3:05. I think you can figure out the rating by yourselves.

The Raw ReBound is the really stupid ending to the show.

Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. Big Show/Antonio Cesaro

Cesaro and Sheamus start things off and pound on each other for a bit as you would expect the two of them to do. Off to Orton for a suplex for two and here’s Sheamus again. Cesaro gets pounded some more as Big Show yells instructions to him. Orton comes in and pounds him in the head for a bit before Sheamus gets another tag. Cesaro finally gets in some shots to the ribs and there’s the tag to Big Show.

Show puts Sheamus down and swings at Orton, allowing Sheamus to come back with a shot to the head. The good guys double clothesline Show to the floor and we take a break. Back with Sheamus sending Cesaro to the apron for the ten forearms. Show makes a blind tag and spears Sheamus down as momentum really shifts for the first time. Cesaro can be heard telling Show what to do (a recurring theme tonight) as Show gets two off an elbow drop.

The referee tells Show to let Sheamus out of the corner, but Show yelling at the referee allows Sheamus to get in some offense for a change. Show misses a charge in the corner but comes back with a chokeslam for two. I guess that’s officially just another big move for Show anymore. The KO punch misses and Sheamus kicks Show’s head off to put both guys down.

Double tags bring in Cesaro and Orton and it’s time for Randy’s finishing seq uence. Cesaro counters the Elevated DDT and Sheamus tags himself in, much to Orton’s annoyance. White Noise takes Cesaro down but as Sheamus loads up the Brogue Kick, Orton comes in with an RKO. Sheamus reluctantly gets the pin at 10:36 shown of 14:06.

Rating: C+. Standard main event tag match here but it’s clear that they’re sowing the seeds for at least the Rumble and possibly an Orton heel turn and the world title match at Wrestlemania. They didn’t have any actual contact but they didn’t need to, which is something a tag match like this is good for. I’m talking about Orton and Sheamus if that wasn’t really clear.

Sheamus and Orton stare each other down (not really out of rage) to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. When you have three matches that are about fifteen minutes each, it’s hard to say it’s not at least a pretty good show. This is the kind of stuff that Smackdown can offer as a legit different style from Raw, as there were zero backstage segments here and almost all wrestling. The quality wasn’t always great, but it was nice to see a wrestling show for a change. Good stuff.

Results

The Miz b. Heath Slater – Skull Crushing Finale

Great Khali/Hornswoggle/Natalya b. Primo/Epico/Rosa Mendes – Chop to Epico

Wade Barrett b. Kofi Kingston – Bull Hammer

Tamina Snuka b. Layla – Superfly Splash

Sheamus/Randy Orton b. Big Show/Antonio Cesaro – RKO to Cesaro

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Smackdown
Date: December 28, 2012
Location: Blue Cross Arena, Rochester, New York
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Josh Matthews

We close out the year here with a taped Smackdown, which is the norm around here. Odds are this isn’t going to have anything of note on it because we’re in that odd period between TKC and the Rumble. Also after Monday it looks like we’re going to have more Sheamus vs. Big Show, because they’ve only had three straight PPV matches. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the latest stuff with Big Show vs. Sheamus, complete with the voiceover. The AJ/Langston/Cena stuff is thrown in also.

Here’s Sheamus to open things up. He hopes we all had a Merry Christmas because he had a great one. He drank gallons of egg nog flavored ale, got a bunch of sweaters he’ll never use, and a bunch of sunscreen from his mom. Are we going for ironic humor now? Anyway, his New Year’s resolution is to win the title back, so get out here Big Show.

Here’s the champ who wants to know if he looks like Santa Claus. The fans and Sheamus say yes, but Show is fatter. Show makes fun of Sheamus’ bad humor and says no more title shots. He says the victory on Monday meant nothing because Show wasn’t really trying. Show was in Christmas mode and it wasn’t even for the title. Sheamus calls him a coward and says Show’s pride was on the line on Monday and says he’s here for the title. If he can’t get that though, he’ll have to settle for a fight.

Cue Booker before things get physical of course because that’s not how we roll on Smackdown. So much for what Bradshaw says I guess. Booker agrees with Show and says that Sheamus lost at TLC. He did however win on Raw but Show doesn’t want to hear this. Show says no one in the locker room is worthy of a shot at him because it reeks of inferiority. Booker says Show is in action tonight and there’s going to be a drawing to determine Show’s opponent.

The drawing is right now as I guess the entire roster was waiting in line behind the curtain. Teddy and Eve argue over who gets to spin the tumbler because that story is still going for some reason. The tumbler is knocked over to fill in more time. Santino wins the match which I don’t think is for the title. They have a brief staredown which results in non-comdy. Apparently it is for the title.

Primo vs. Brodus Clay

Well if nothing else the girls give us something to look at before the match. Epico offers a quick distraction which gives Primo his only offense. Clay catches a cross body in a powerslam before headbutting Primo down. Splash and we’re done at 1:13.

The Funkadactyls beat up Rosa post match for no apparent reason. Dancing ensues.

Santino is having a sandwich in the back with Sheamus but the pale one throws said sandwich away. Sheamus is offering him some advice and Santino asks to learn the Brogue Kick. Marella can’t get his foot above his waist so Sheamus fires him up. Santino tries it again….and pulls his hamstring, sending him to the floor in screaming pain.

HELL NO/Kofi Kingston vs. Rhodes Scholars/Wade Barrett

This would be the Christmas gift for those of you interested in stuff WAY past its expiration date. Cody and Bryan start things off with Rhodes actually taking him to the mat. Off to Kane instead who isn’t as easy to take down. Kane misses a charge into the corner and it’s off to Sandow instead. There’s a side slam to Damien for two and it’s Kofi in off the tag. Not much to see so far. Cody comes back in for about three seconds before it’s off to Barrett.

Kingston hits his jumping back elbow and puts on a front facelock. Everyone gets in for a standoff and we take a break. Back with the Scholars pounding on Bryan. There’s the Wind-Up Elbow followed by some knees to the face and the big boot in the ropes from Barrett. We hit a camel clutch for a bit before Cody comes in to a LOUD Cody Sucks chant. Bryan escapes a chinlock and drills Rhodes to bring in Kofi. Everything breaks down and everyone hits a mid level signature move. Trouble in Paradise takes out Cody but Kofi walks into the Bull Hammer for the pin at 7:05 shown of 10:05.

Rating: C+. This was fine from a technical standpoint, but man why can’t WWE get this idea of once someone is pinned clean, there’s no reason to continue a feud? Kofi has beaten Barrett 100% clean on PPV, but they’re going to have another match, presumably at the Rumble or on a special. Why in the world should they fight again if we’ve already seen it happen? Well, aside from the writers being lazy and incapable of coming up with more than one idea for a guy every three months of course.

Santino is injured and can’t fight tonight, so we draw another name for Show’s match. The name will be announced later apparently, and by later they mean after a break. It’s Ricardo Rodriguez. Show is very pleased and makes fun of Ricardo by putting the title on his shoulder. He makes Ricardo do the announcement that he (Ricardo) has won the title, but Show knocks him cold instead. Booker promises that Show is in trouble.

Zack Ryder vs. Antonio Cesaro

Non-title again. Cesaro shoves him into the corner to start and suplexes him down for two. We hit a quick chinlock as the fans chant USA. Cesaro cranks on the arm and hits the gutwrench suplex for two. A big double stomp gets another two and we hit a body vice. Ryder fights up and hits a missile dropkick but the Broski Boot misses. The European Uppercut and the Neutralizer end this at 3:28.

Rating: D. This was exactly the same Cesaro vs. Ryder match we’ve seen half a dozen times now. Why would I want to watch this again? This is another of WWE’s problems that I keep harping on: they have a HUGE roster yet they use the same matches over and over again. Was there no one else in the back that can’t be used here? Geez at this point they might as well bring in jobbers. It’s not like anybody buys Ryder as a threat to win this match anyway, especially with Khali getting a shot at the title on Wednesday.

We recap the MizTV segment from Raw.

Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz

I’m not usually one to notice fake pops, but there is no way Miz is getting that kind of a reaction. During the entrances, we see MORE from MizTV. For those of you with a REALLY short attention span I guess. Well to be fair no one watched Raw on Monday anyway so it’s not the worst idea. AJ continues to look great in the Ziggler shirt and shorts.

Miz takes over to start with a headlock as JBL lists off Langston’s power lifting records. Josh runs his mouth so JBL threatens to smack him every time Matthews says something stupid. JBL: “I would do it but I’d hit you so often it would sound like applause.” Miz hits a flapjack and throws Ziggler to the floor, but Langston catches him in mid air. Back in and Ziggler takes over, getting two off the jumping elbow drop.

We hit the chinlock for a bit until Miz comes back with some ground and pound. We take a break and come back with Ziggler getting another two off another elbow drop. Dolph hooks another chinlock as we repeat the same sequence from before the break for no apparent reason. Miz comes back with some clotheslines and avoids the Fameasser. There’s the corner clothesline followed by the top rope ax handle, but a Big E. distraction lets Ziggler hit the Zig Zag for the pin at 7:50 shown of 11:20.

Rating: C. Miz still isn’t over as a face but having him face heels is going to help him a bit. It’s certainly going to do more for him than being an annoying talk show host. I’m a Miz fan but this turn isn’t working for him. The biggest issue for him is he never really had a moment where he turned. He just kind of started to fight heels and that doesn’t work too well. The match was perfectly fine.

Miz makes fun of AJ post match and implies she’s a rather loose woman. Ziggler runs in and takes a mic to the head but Langston runs Miz over.

Ricardo is out of the title shot tonight. Brad Maddox comes in and wants one more shot. For no apparent reason, Booker gives him ONE MORE shot. So Maddox is Christan from last year now? Brad leaves and Alberto says he wants a shot at Big Show for what he did, so Booker gives him the title shot tonight. So is Alberto face again after being a heel on Raw after being a face for weeks after being a heel for years?

Brad Maddox vs. Sheamus

Exactly what you would expect with the only entertaining part being JBL’s response to Josh asking what percentage JBL gives Maddox in this. “About the same as you becoming a good announcer.” The Brogue Kick ends this at 3:54.

Rating: D+. Boring match, HILARIOUS commentary. Maddox needs to change things up now because you can only do this so many times. It doesn’t help that he has nothing going for him at all. Nothing to see here, just like the case for every other Brad Maddox match he’s ever had in any organization.

Raw ReBound is the Santa story along with the main event. I love people that say this insults their intelligence. They’re watching WWE and THIS is what insults their intelligence?

Prime Time Players vs. Usos

The Players have new music which isn’t as catchy. Young and Jey start things off and Darren gets double teamed a bit. Titus makes a blind tag and kicks Jey in the head to take over. There’s some heel miscommunication but Young hits the gutbuster for two on Jey anyway. The twins switch allowing Jimmy to roll up Young for the pin at 2:07.

We hear from the Shield again where they recap everything they’ve done over the year. They promise more next year.

Big Show doesn’t think much of Alberto.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio gets an even bigger fake pop than Miz from earlier. After some big match intros (it’s so odd hearing Alberto’s entrance in English), Del Rio pounds away to start and blocks the chop in the corner. The second attempt isn’t blocked though and down goes Alberto. Show takes him to the mat with a headlock takeover and cranks away on the head.

He throws Alberto to the outside and sends him into the steps before hooking an armbar back inside. Alberto comes back with a kick to the head and some shots to the arm but the armbreaker is broken up by a shove to the floor. Show tries to leave but Sheamus jumps him in the aisle for the DQ at 5:21.

Rating: C-. They kept this short here and that was definitely the right idea. This was a styles clash because Del Rio only has one move that could win here and Show is too big to get it on. Having Del Rio stand up against a bully is the best idea to make him a face that could be used aside from using his money for something good. Not a bad match, but it would have been with more time.

Show walks away but runs into about half the roster (including heels) who beat him back into the ring for an enziguri from Del Rio and a Brogue Kick from Sheamus.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t terrible but it certainly wasn’t good. It did a good job of pushing Del Rio as a face…..which makes almost no sense given what happened on raw but to be fair that was four days ago so we’re not supposed to remember it. The Rumble build will likely begin next week, but most of that show is going to be based around the Rock anyway so it’s interesting to see where the Rumble will rate in importance in the month before the show.

Results

Brodus Clay b. Primo – Splash

Wade Barrett/Rhodes Scholars b. HELL NO/Kofi Kingston – Bull Hammer to Kingston

Antonio Cesaro b. Zack Ryder – Neutralizer

Dolph Ziggler b. The Miz – Zig Zag

Sheamus b. Brad Maddox – Brogue Kick

Usos b. Prime Time Players – Small package to Young

Big Show b. Alberto Del Rio via DQ when Sheamus interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 24, 2012
Location: Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Greetings and welcome to the dumbest idea WWE has had in YEARS. That’s right, it’s a three hour show on CHRISTMAS FREAKING EVE. You know, the night when the target audience goes to bed early to make sure they’re up early the next morning. I’m REALLY not looking forward to this and odds are it’s going to suck because they don’t want to waste good ideas. Let’s get to it.

We open with the roster singing a WWE themed Christmas carol which to be fair is pretty funny stuff.

Here’s Santa Claus to be guest host tonight. He’s handing out presents….and gets run over by Alberto’s car. In something I never thought I’d have to say, Santa does a stretcher job. He gives a thumb up as we take a break. This was so campy that it was hilarious.

Back with Booker telling everyone to get through the night because that’s what Santa would want. Everyone yells at Del Rio when Cena comes in to really rub it in. Alberto says it wasn’t his fault, so Booker makes Cena vs. Del Rio in a Miracle on 34^th Street Fight. Cena: “I’LL DO IT FOR SANTA!”

Cody Rhodes vs. Kane

Kane throws him around to start but Cody comes back with a dropkick to the knee. Rhodes is sent to the floor but manages to send Kane’s arm into the post from the outside. Not bad. Back in and a middle rope dropkick gets one on Kane. Cole: “Kane is in his Christmas gear in red here.” Cody works over the arm as the match slows down a lot. A side slam puts Cody back down and there’s the clothesline from the top. Rhodes goes after the arm to block the chokeslam and hits the Disaster Kick to the shoulder. That means absolutely nothing as the chokeslam pins Cody at 5:53.

Rating: C. Just a match here as the Scholars and HELL NO continue to fight despite the champs beating them every single time they’ve fought. I don’t know of anyone who has fallen further in a year than Cody has, as he hasn’t done a thing of note this year aside from grow an overly popular mustache. Nothing to see here.

Rosa Mendes/Tamina Snuka/Aksana/Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox/Natalya/Kaitlyn/Layla

Natalya and Aksana start things off as this is your usual excuse to have eight chicks in sexy Christmas outfits. Aksana gets beaten up so it’s off to Alicia who is thrown around by the hair. Off to Layla who I’m digging as a blonde. Rosa distracts Layla so Tamina can get in a shot so the match can drag on even longer. Layla finally comes back with a dropkick and it’s off to Kaitlyn to clean house. A shoulder gets two on Eve and everything breaks down. We get the parade of finishers (Aksana’s is a spinebuster) and Kaitlyn pins Eve at 5:27 after a gutbuster.

Rating: D. Eve looked great, Layla looked great, the rest didn’t look bad, that’s it. These matches happen every year and no one cares other than 13 year old boys. Kaitlyn needs to beat Eve for the freaking title already so no one can care anymore for the next few months again. Nothing to see here.

AJ and Dolph cuddle up and watch TLC.

We recap Santa’s injuries.

Here are some lumberjacks for the next match.

Big Show vs. Sheamus

Lumberjack match as I said. They shove each other around to start until Sheamus grabs a headlock. This is non-title as well. Show shoves him around a bit but gets guillotined on the top rope, allowing Sheamus to hit the ten forearms and the shoulder off the top. The Brogue Kick is loaded up but Show hits the floor and we hit a break.

Back with Show running over Sheamus before cranking on Sheamus’ arm. He even sings a Christmas song as he cranks. Sheamus grabs Show’s nose to escape but a slam attempt doesn’t work. We head to the floor where the lumberjacks work over Sheamus as they’re required to do. Back in and Sheamus is suplexed down for no cover, allowing Tensai to get in a cheap shot on Sheamus.

Show goes for some punches in the corner but Sheamus comes out of it with an electric chair drop. Cool visual there. Sheamus pounds away but gets caught in a chokeslam for two. Show’s standing legdrop gets two and the champ is getting frustrated. We hit a LONG bearhug until Sheamus punches his way out of it. Sheamus pounds away in the corner but gets caught by a clothesline for two.

A big old elbow gets two more for Show so he loads up the Vader Bomb. Naturally it misses so there’s White Noise for two. A Brogue Kick is blocked and the pale one is sent to the floor, triggering another brawl. Back in and Show misses the WMD, allowing Sheamus to hit a GREAT Brogue Kick for the pin at 14:00.

Rating: C+. These two work well together as always, but it doesn’t say much when a PPV match is now thrown onto TV with the world champion getting pinned 100% clean in the middle of the ring. Sheamus vs. Show simply does not need to continue, but since there are barely any top heels on Smackdown anymore, what else is Sheamus supposed to do?

Sheamus and the good lumberjacks clear the ring.

We get the Miz segment with the Muppets from Tribute to the Troops.

Here’s Otunga to explain why Santa was at fault earlier. Cue Ryder to say how stupid this is and squash Otunga.

Zack Ryder vs. David Otunga

Ryder starts fast and gets two off some clotheslines. Otunga takes it into the corner and pounds away a bit before getting two off a posing neckbreaker. We hit an early chinlock which goes nowhere, so Otunga goes back to the clotheslines. Back to the chinlock as we have another match that is going on longer than it has any right to do. Ryder fights up and hits his usual stuff like the middle rope dropkick and the Broski Boot. After the first one is blocked, the Rough Ryder gets the pin at 4:53.

Rating: D. If it wasn’t clear earlier that they were filling in time tonight with anything they could find, I think they’ve proven it now. Nothing to see here but the fans still respond to Ryder. Not like he should have another shot or anything, because he’s just done in a few months what writers can’t accomplish in months: getting himself over.

Booker and Teddy are in the back when Brad Maddox comes in. The usual results follow and his opponent will be an elf.

Kofi Kingston/The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro/Wade Barrett

Miz and Cesaro start things off with Antonio shoving him around with ease. Now Miz frustrates Cesaro before hitting a flapjack for two. Barrett comes in and pounds away a bit before getting dropkicked down for two. Off to Kofi to work on the English dude’s arm. Wade bails from Trouble in Paradise and here’s Cesaro again. A kind of spinebuster puts Kofi down and the heels take over again.

Barrett comes back in for a surfboard hold, followed by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. There’s the gutwrench suplexe from Cesaro and we hit a fast chinlock. Kofi kicks him away and there’s the not very hot tag to Miz. He cleans house on Barrett before hitting the top rope ax handle for no cover. The Finale is broken up by Cesaro but Miz kicks Wade into the ropes. Kofi kicks Wade in the head, allowing Miz to hit the Finale for the pin at 5:56. Barrett got pinned if that wasn’t clear.

Rating: C-. Not much to see here but they’re still trying to give Miz a push no matter how awkward it’s coming off so far. At least they’re trying hard for once. Other than that though, nothing to see as AGAIN they’re just letting these feuds continue for the sake of letting them continue. Wasn’t Miz feuding with Sandow though?

Santa is still hurt.

AJ gives Ziggler his MITB case and takes off her robe to reveal a Ziggler shirt and her tiny shorts. Kissing ensues.

Brad Maddox vs. Great Khali

Maddox tells Khali that he (Khali) isn’t an elf. Maddox gets the chest chops that he deserves and is sent to the floor where Horny works him over a bit. Brad goes after the knee and takes Khali down, working on the knee in the process. A chop puts Maddox down but he poses from one knee. Brad goes to the middle rope, gets chopped, clotheslined and hit with a Punjabi Plunge for the pin at 3:12 Screw rating this. It was a squash and that’s it.

Khali and Horny sing and dance.

Here are Punk and Heyman to make fun of Christmas carols and Pittsburgh. Punk makes fun of the Steelers by saying he’s a Cubs fan. Girl in the audience: “WHO ARE THE CUBS?” Idiot. Punk says Ryback has ruined Christmas and Hanukah, but has Ryback been punished? Of course not. Instead, he gets a title shot on the first Raw of the new year. Maybe Ryback should get a shot if there was ANY proof that Punk was working with Maddox or the Shield, but there’s no proof of that at all.

Punk complains about being in rehab and physical therapy over the holidays, unlike the Pittsburgh fans who are out bar hopping. Heyman talks about how Punk has been the victim of a conspiracy over the last 400 days. Ryback has failed in both of his title shots but he’s getting a third. Cue Ryback, who announces that the match on the seventh is a TLC match. He starts a TLC match and that’s that.

Daniel Bryan vs. Damien Sandow

It’s a battle of the classical music. Bryan shouts NO at Sandow when Sandow asks for silence. Bryan tries a fast NO Lock but Damien heads to the floor where Bryan hits the knee off the apron. Back in and there’s a running dropkick in the corner for one for Daniel. There’s the moonsault out of the corner by Bryan and it’s time for the kicks to the chest. A big kick misses though and Sandow rolls him up for tow.

Bryan is sent to the apron and into the buckle, knocking him to the outside. A few shots into the apron get two for Damien and we hit the chinlock. Sandow hits the Russian legsweep and Wind-Up Elbow for two. He loads up a superplex but gets knocked down, but Bryan misses the swan dive. Not that it matters as there’s the NO Lock for the tap out at 5:38.

Rating: C+. Another decent match here that really accomplished nothing. We get it: the champs can beat the Scholars. They’ve done it about ten times now, which means I’d bet on the Scholars getting the titles before the end of the Rumble. The match itself was fine, but there was nothing to remember in it at all.

Prime Time Players/Tensai/3MB vs. Brodus Clay/Santino Marella/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd/Usos

Take 12 guys, throw them into a tag match I guess. Brodus and Young start and Darren has his arm worked on. Off to Tyson who continues the idea before hitting some dropkicks. Off to Tensai who suplexes Gabriel, only to get kicked in the face. Hot tag brings in Santino who gets taken down by Mahal. Off to Jey vs. O’Neal as we try to get everyone into the match.

Titus throws him around but gets sent into the corner, allowing for double tags to Jimmy and Slater. A Bubba Bomb puts Heath down and there’s the running Umaga attack in the corner. Everything breaks down and Brodus runs over everyone. Finishers are hit everywhere until everyone hits a big move on Slater. Jimmy hits the Superfly Splash on him for the pin at 6:13.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here but the ending with a bunch of finishers hitting in a row is almost always cool. The tag division is falling down again as only about two teams are getting to do anything anymore. Still though, at least these guys are getting on TV which is more than they’ve done in awhile.

HELL NO exchanges presents. Bryan gets a Slammy and Kane gets a puppy. Kane: “Thanks! I’m starving!” Bryan loses it and takes the puppy back.

AJ and Dolph read the Night Before Christmas, with AJ enjoying beating up Cena far too much. That’s a running theme tonight. The make out under some mistletoe and knock over the Christmas tree.

Santa is still unconscious but his heart monitor starts playing Jingle Bells. His feet start knocking together, and the fans ERUPT. You can’t beat the classics.

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena

Street fight here. Cena pounds away in the corner to start and we quickly head to the floor. Del Rio whips him into the steps and goes after the arm. Isn’t Del Rio supposed to be a face? Back in and Alberto gets a mic, saying that what happened to Santa was an accident. Del Rio hits Cena with the mic, but Cena blocks another try and shouts SAAAAAAAAANTA before pounding away on Del Rio.

John heads to the floor to open a present, finding a chair. A few shots to Del Rio’s back get two as Ricardo pulls the referee to the floor. After a chase, Del Rio catches Cena coming in with a clothesline. Ricardo hands Del rio a present, and it’s a pie. You know whose head that is going upside. I hope Ricardo knows a good cleaner. They head up the ramp and Cena opens another package, finding a television monitor. Del Rio is knocked loopy as we take a break.

Back with Del Rio in trouble and opening another package. Inside this one…..is a teddy bear. Del Rio throws the bear at John, giving Cena the line of the night: Cena: “A BEAR? SERIOUSLY???” Ricardo gets wrapped up in a wreath and has a box broken over his head. Cena knocks Del Rio down and goes to look for another weapon. Fans: “USE THE TREE! USE THE TREE! USE THE TREE!” Del Rio gets crushed with the tree and Cena opens another box, finding a bowling ball. He rolls it down the ramp, hitting a perfectly placed Del Rio. Cena is a good shot actually.

John pulls out a fire extinguisher and sprays Del Rio down to make it a white Christmas. Cole and Jerry are probably reaching a record for the most Christmas puns in one night. Ricardo jumps on Cena’s back and actually chokes him down…..BUT SANTA IS BACK! He whacks Ricardo over the head with his bag of toys and puts an oven mit on his hand. That acts as a sock in this case for a mandible claw, which sets up the AA for the pin at 14:53.

Rating: B. If you didn’t like this match, I feel sorry for your non-existent soul. I had a blast with this match as it was exactly the kind of fun and goofy match that we needed to end a show like this. Seriously, how can you not have fun with something like this? The presents were a great touch and having Santa come out at the end was great.

Cena and presumably Mick Claus hug to end the show. Cena is worried about the time because Santa has work to do.

Overall Rating: B. I still say this show didn’t need to exist and should have been the Tribute to the Troops special, but the main event was very fun. Nothing here was bad at all and having the Santa story going through the show was fine. They didn’t add anything here and they really didn’t need to as no one is watching tonight. This was a fun episode but the rating is going to be lucky to crack a 2.0.

Results

Kane b. Cody Rhodes – Chokeslam

Kaitlyn/Alicia Fox/Natalya/Layla b. Rosa Mendes/Aksana/Eve Torres/Tamina Snuka – Gutbuster to Eve

Sheamus b. Big Show – Brogue Kick

Zack Ryder b. David Otunga – Rough Ryder

The Miz/Kofi Kingston b. Wade Barrett/Antonio Cesaro – Skull Crushing Finale to Barrett

Great Khali b. Brad Maddox – Punjabi Plunge

Usos/Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel/Brodus Clay/Santino Marella b. 3MB/Tensai/Prime Time Players – Superfly Splash to Slater

John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – Attitude Adjustment

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

NXT
Date: December 19, 2012
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: William Regal, Tony Dawson

We’re into the new cycle of NXT now, but the problem continues to be the gap between the current WWE product and the current NXT product. It’s a bit off putting to have the Shield version of Rollins on Raw and this version of him on NXT. It looks like we’re moving towards Rollins vs. Graves in the main event scene around here. Oh and Big Show vs. Bo Dallas is tonight. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is all about Dallas vs. Big Show.

Welcome Home.

Primo/Epico vs. Usos

Jimmy starts with Primo and we quickly hit the mat. There’s an armdrag to put Primo down but Primo comes back with a hammerlock. Primo rolls away from an arm hold by Jimmy and we’ve got a standoff. Rosa gives Primo a quick kiss which earns him an elbow to the face. Back to the armbar and here’s Jey for the first time. Epico comes in as well and immediately puts on a chinlock which doesn’t last long either. This is a back and forth match so far but no one has any kind of long term advantage.

The Usos load up the Superfly Splash but Primo bails to the floor for a breather. Jey is all cool with that and hits a HUGE dive to take out the cousins. We take a break and come back with Epico holding a chinlock on Jey. Epico rolls some belly to back suplexes for two. Primo gets the same off a dropkick as the fans want Carlito. Jey avoids a dropkick in the corner and gets Primo caught in the Tree of Woe for a few seconds.

Hot tag brings in Jimmy but the referee didn’t see it. Nice touch. Jey counters a whip into the corner and hits a big backdrop to give himself a breather. There’s the real hot tag to Jimmy and a Bubba Bomb takes Primo down. The running Umaga attack in the corner sets up a Samoan Drop for two. Everything breaks down and a Jimmy superkick sets up the Superfly Splash to Epico for the pin at 8:28 shown of 11:58.

Rating: C+. They stuck with the formula here and it worked really well. The Usos are so talented and smooth together out there but they can barely ever get on TV. The few times recently where they were on television, they got the biggest reactions of the match. Interesting how that works. Anyway, good stuff here and a nice opener.

Post match the lights go out and it’s Ascension (complete with recently released Kenneth Cameron) on the screen, telling the Usos that the war is far from over.

Camacho/Aiden English vs. Big E. Langston

Camacho can pick anyone to fight Langston with him and he picks this jobber? English has to start and is immediately pounded down by knees in the ribs and a running clothesline. Langston drags English over to Camacho and extends English’s hand for a tag but Camacho bails. Big Ending ends English at 1:12.

Post match there’s another Big Ending and the FIVE, then does both of them again. The reactions for the FIVE thing are tremendous.

Percy Watson vs. Kassius Ohno

Watson speeds things up to start and pounds on Ohno’s back to start. Ohno comes back with a suplex and a corner splash followed by some high energy stomps/knees to the head. Off to a dragon sleeper by Kassius followed by some choking on the top rope. They chop it out a bit but Ohno charges into an elbow to the face. Percy makes his comeback but the Persecution is blocked. Ohno Blade (or whatever he’s calling that elbow now) knocks Watson out cold at 5:23.

Rating: D. I am so bored with Ohno. The guy is talented but he’s got NOTHING going for him at all. He’s a bad guy who likes to strike people, but his attitude is all wrong for it. There’s nothing to dislike about him and that makes him a weak heel. He’s just kind of there and has his time every week. Watson continues to be nothing.

Ohno shouts at Regal post match.

Here’s Seth Rollins for a chat with JR. Seth says he’s here for anyone that wants to fight him and he’s not hard to find. Corey Graves jumps Rollins from behind and puts him in the 13^th Step leg lock. Graves talks about how his tattoos all tell a story and now he wants the Title. He says Rollins feeds off the fans and he’ll see Seth in his nightmares. Not bad here but calling himself the Savior of Misbehavior isn’t going to get him over.

Cena tells us to watch the NXT Year In Review show next week.

Bo Dallas vs. Big Show

Non-title I’d assume. This is about what you would expect to start: Dallas goes nuts with strikes and is easily shoved away. The beating goes on for awhile until Dallas gets on his back and chokes away. Show falls back on him to break the hold but misses an elbow. Dallas escapes the chokeslam but a bulldog is countered with a basic slam. WMD ends this at 4:53.

Rating: D. What in the world were you expecting here? It’s a tiny minor league guy against a massive world champion. I have no idea why they picked Show here because it doesn’t do Dallas any good and the match sucked as a result. I don’t get this one at all, as there are a ton of guys you could bring in to beat Dallas but get a better match out of him at the same time. Odd choice here.

Overall Rating: C. This didn’t work all that well for me. It wasn’t a bad show or anything, but this didn’t really advance anything. The only storyline stuff we got was Ascension vs. Usos which we’ve done before and Ohno staring at Regal. Oh and Graves vs. Rollins, but we already knew that was coming. Not much to see here but it wasn’t terrible or anything.

Results

Usos b. Epico/Primo – Superfly Splash to Epico

Big E. Langston b. Camacho/Aiden English – Big Ending to English

Kassius Ohno b. Percy Watson – Ohno Blade

Big Show b. Bo Dallas – WMD

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews