December to Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

So this is more or less considered the standard for worst WWE PPV of all time. There are quite a few reasons for that and I’d say it’s likely true. Number one is Vince McMahon. Heyman was told to run this show and he put together a run sheet and the endings to matches etc.

Since Big Show had made it clear that he was leaving the company as soon as his contract was up two days after the show, the title change was clearly coming. Heyman’s original idea was Punk and Show start the Chamber match and Punk gets Show to tap out inside of four minutes. Punk liked it, Heyman liked it, Show LOVED it, the writers liked it, Vince hated it.

Vince insisted on Lashley getting the belt and a massive celebration ending the show. Heyman said allegedly three or four times that this was going to bomb. It did indeed bomb and guess what happened. Yep, Vince blamed Heyman for the whole thing and Paul quit/was thrown out. The second issue here is that we had seen Survivor Series SEVEN DAYS EARLIER.

Yeah, this is our second PPV in two weeks, so of course the buyrate was through the floor. That was of course Heyman’s fault too. Finally, this was called an ECW show. The problem was it was more or less a really long episode of the TV show with a bit main event. This wasn’t like the TV show now either. This was back when the show was awful and more or less held together with tape and gum every week. Let’s get this over with.

Of course the opening video is all about the Chamber. Oh, it’s an EXTREME Elimination Chamber as the four in pods will all have weapons. Give me a break.

Joey says this show might be infamous. That’s just amusing. He follows this by freaking up and saying there will be a new champion tonight. Thanks for the spoiler Joey.

MNM vs. Hardys

This was an open challenge that was accepted by MNM. Who cares that neither was on ECW at the time? This was one of two matches announced for the show. What does that tell you? MNM beat up the Hardys on Tuesday and that’s all there is to it. Jeff is IC Champion here by the way. Matt and Mercury start us off.

The Hardys are dominating and throw in a spin cycle which is always a cool move. It’s like a double suplex but they spin the other guy around. It’s hard to explain. And now we get the weird part of this: ECW chants by fans that actually think this is a real ECW show. They start a she’s a crack w**** chant at Melina and no one knows how to react to it.

Matt hits splash mountain on Nitro (Morrison) for two. Apparently Melina has herpes. This show really was doomed from the start on this. I didn’t know Scott Armstrong was refereeing this far back. Tazz isn’t helping things either with his idiotic commentary. To be fair though, he could be far more annoying, like that scream from Melina.

Tazz throws in that Cole doesn’t like women. If true, I’m not entirely surprised. In a funny bit, MNM go for the Twist of Fate and Swanton but Matt fights off and gets the hot tag to Jeff. Matt hits a Pescado on Mercury which is more or less caught and reversed to set up the big pile of aerial moves which never gets old.

Jeff misses the Swanton as Mercury pulls Nitro out. This has been pretty good so far. Tazz gets off on the screaming I think. Morrison looks weird with blonde hair. It’s MNM in control now as they beat up Jeff. Yeah Tazz is driving me crazy. Melina is a crack w**** again apparently. It amazes me that she was more or less just the sexy valet at this point and became a great worker (by comparison) in just a few years.

They’re being given a lot of time if nothing else as we’re about 15 minutes into this and there seems to be a good amount of time to go in it. Is Tazz supposed to be Jerry Lawler or something? If he is he’s somehow more annoying than Jerry if that’s possible. Jeff gets a Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere to set up the tag to Matt.

In a cool spot, Jeff is tagged back in and goes up. Matt tries to set Mercury up for a powerbomb by handing him to Jeff but Nitro makes the save and then shoves Mercury up to Jeff so he can hit a hurricanrana. That was freaking cool. Nitro accidentally dropkicks Melina and Jeff rolls him up for a LONG two.

Jeff takes the Snapshot but Matt makes the save. This is awesome stuff now. MNM sets for a top rope Snapshot but Matt saves with a double cutter to let Jeff hit a Swanton onto both of them for the pin. By the way, the Snapshot is Nitro holding up the other guy and Mercury hitting an elevated DDT.

Rating: B+. This was very good stuff as they were given a lot of time and it worked very well. This was a way to let MNM look good, even though at the end of the day they weren’t even the best tag team that Morrison was even a part of. Either way this was good stuff and it worked very well. Definitely good, but the show would go all downhill from here.

Van Dam says he’ll win the title tonight.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

See what I mean about them not advertising anything? I think you can see why based on this one alone. They had been feuding back in the day and no one cared so let’s have people pay to see the “blowoff” to it. They kept saying that Striker was a former teacher that had to resign but it was never explained why: he got in trouble for going to wrestle at night.

The match tonight is under Striker’s Rules, meaning very strict. There is no eye gouging, no hair pulling, no top rope moves, and no foul language. I didn’t know that Bill Watts booked ECW. Balls comes out to a bad cover of Big Balls. They make jokes about Striker having a picture of himself on his tights.

If there has ever been a match that belonged on TV, this is it. It’s ok, but it’s certainly not worth paying anything for. After even more boring stuff, this time mainly arm work from Balls, he hits the Nutcracker Sweet, of course not called that here, to get the win.

Rating: D. Not only was it boring, but this was something people had to pay to see without it being mentioned or advertised. Other than the opener and the main event, that’s the case all around tonight actually. You’re starting to get the idea why this show is considered awful.

Punk is getting ready.

Sabu is hurt and Hardcore Holly is replacing him in the main event. The fans, knowing what’s going on, loudly chant bull at this.

Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke vs. F.B.I.

This FBI is Guido and Tony Mamaluke. Burke is the Pope from TNA, and yet, he’s still overrated and more or less worthless. “But KB, he can talk so well!” Well that would bet true if it wasn’t nonsenes. He’s talking now and he’s annoying me already. Now in TNA he’s a modern day Slick and just as annoying.

The only good thing about the FBI is they have Trinity and she looks very good. Yep, that’s all I’m going to care about here. Terkay is more or less an MMA guy that wrestled. Apparently Tazz needs a cold shower. Can we please get to the end of this show PLEASE? We have a very weak where’s my pizza chant as I feel so sorry for the live fans.

This was a massive slap in the face of all of ECW and its fans, but hey, Vince gets to feel like he killed the place and his delusions of grandeur are fulfilled for one more day right? All is right with the world now. More or less this is a way for Terkay to beat people up. It’s more or less a squash.

Actually screw that: it is a squash. Naturally the ECW guys get their heads handed to them on an ECW show so that the WWE guys can look great. Oh and after the match, Terkay uses a Muscle Buster to get a big TNA chant going. Ok so not big but whatever. Just move on please.

Rating: D-. Screw you Vince. This was just freaking dumb. I get that you hate ECW but if you’re going to rip off the audience like this, screw you.

Sabu is put in an ambulance.

We get an ad for Raw, on an ECW show. This is freaking garbage.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Daivari is more commonly known as Sheik Abdul Bashir recently and here he’s known as the manager of the Great Khali. I wonder what’s going to happen here. Dreamer jobbing would be ok I guess. Those poor fans actually think Dreamer has a chance in this. Khali is thrown out. And now no one else cares. It’s Dreamer vs. a tiny guy that never does anything else.

Dreamer gets some of his big spots in to get the crowd going a bit, but naturally as he goes for the DDT, Daivari just rolls him up with the tights for the pin. I hate this show more and more every time. Of course Khali comes out and chokeslams him on the ramp. Tazz is legit tick off as you can tell.

Rating: W. That stands for who possible cares anymore. I’m not even an ECW fan and I’m even an ECW critic and this is ticking me off. Tell me one reason why Daivari should have gone over like that here. If you’re going to have Khali destroy him, fine, but have that be the reason to end the match. This is just mindless.

Dreamer takes forever to get up as we’re an hour and 15 minutes into this and we have two matches left, one of which is a mixed tag.

Ad for See No Evil, which is of course, a WWE thing and not an ECW thing.

I actually took a break at this point to watch a bad Disney Channel movie. That’s how annoyed I am with this show.

Heyman gives Hardcore Holly the spot in the main event. The fans pause and then know what’s coming, as Holly gets the spot. I actually can’t understand Holly’s first line as the fans are booing so loudly. This was a freaking atrocity and it’s pathetic that it has to be. The fans are just freaking dead now.

Ariel/Kevin Thorn vs. Kelly/Mike Knox

Kelly dated Knox apparently. Kelly at this point is an exhibitionist and AWFUL. I mean she’s ridiculously bad so we get Knox and Thorn. Knox has no beard at this point and is somehow more worthless than he was before. Oh dang it they’re letting him talk. Oh good Kelly is talking instead. She likes Punk, who gets a chant. That chant didn’t happen though. No one likes Punk. What people want is HARDCORE HOLLY AND TEST!!!

Thorn is a vampire and Ariel is a fortune telling gypsy or something. She would become Salinas in TNA in case you’re more familiar with them. This is a freaking disgrace. I’m glad no one bought it as it makes things seem a bit better. No one cares about this either as since both girls can’t wrestle we more or less have a Knox vs. Thorn match.

And here they are. At least Kelly looks hot. Kelly tries to get the tag to Knox but he leaves. Note: the fans chant for Punk to come make the save. To make sure it’s clear: Punk is OVER. Sandman makes the save instead which gets a nice pop.

Rating: D-. Kelly looking hot is the only reason this passes. I just want to get to the end of this.

We get a long ad for Armageddon, which was the third PPV in four weeks. WWE was so stupid at this point that I can’t comprehend it.

Some RIDICULOUSLY hot chick named Rebecca interviews Lashley. She can’t talk but she doesn’t need to. It’s mainly about how Lashley has had to put up with a ton of garbage, more or less confirming that he’ll win tonight, which only Vince wanted to see.

Three of the people in the chamber come to the ring together. We get the same exact video as the one that opened the show. Oh man they knew they had jack. We’re about an hour and a half into the show at this point mind you.

Heyman comes out and talks while saying nothing at all. This is nothing more than trying desperately to fill in time.

ECW World Title: CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Test vs. Hardcore Holly vs Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Now keep in mind, Punk and Lashley were more or less worthless at this point, so the only two legit main event guys you have in there are RVD who was hated by the company at this point and Show who didn’t care as he was leaving in 48 hours. RVD and Holly start. Remember that as soon as each pod opens up, the person comes out with a weapon which I’ll get to as each pod opens.

Holly is booed out of the building. Naturally Vince will insist that it’s because of how great a heel he is or whatever. So we have to watch Holly and Van Dam for five minutes. Oh joy. The entrances took almost ten minutes mind you. The fans are dead here by the way. We get Rolling Thunder on the cage, which is impressive but we’ve seen it before.

They’ve managed to make the Elimination Chamber boring. That’s just impressive. Note: another Punk chant goes up. I can’t emphasize this enough: PUNK IS OVER. In third is Punk and his chair to a freaking ERUPTION. It’s a shame that he didn’t have a chance to win here. And Van Dam kicks the chair into him so he’s down 30 seconds in.

Ok to be fair, they’re the two most over guys in there so that’s ok I guess. Van Dam is bleeding. Apparently you can get pins outside on the cage now. That’s new I think. Heyman is the evil GM here in case you didn’t know. Punk is getting destroyed by Holly here in case you weren’t sure.

Also Punk would have his first loss in the company to Holly in about a month with the justification being that Holly was the bigger star and should go over. Again: if it’s not Vince’s idea, it’s not a good idea. In fourth is Test with a crowbar. Naturally he nails Punk with it. This is freaking stupid. Test and Hardcore Holly are in the MAIN EVENT OF A PAY PER VIEW.

The idea here is that the heels are all working together which is completely pointless considering the idea of the match but that can’t be Vince’s idea. Heyman “booked” this remember? And then Van Dam hits this Five Star and Punk is gone. Yep, the most over guy in the match is out first while Test and Holly get to stick around.

Test puts Holly out ten seconds later with a big boot. It was only a two but the referee calls it three. The announcers and fans are confused but since this show isn’t for the fans it doesn’t matter. Van Dam goes up on top of Big Show’s pod but a chair shot puts him down. Test hits a big elbow off the pod…and Van Dam is out. Let’s see. Why is this stupid? Number one, the most over guy left is Big Show.

Second, now THERE’S NO ONE FOR TEST TO FIGHT, so it’s just dead time now. Third, you had FREAKING TEST beat RVD. We’re still just sitting around after two replays of the elbow and just waiting on ANYTHING to happen. The fans have completely turned on the match at this point and don’t care at all. Thankfully the next guy in is Lashley.

He gets NO pop at all. Heyman’s security try to hold him in the pod, but using the WOODEN table in the pod with him, he breaks the STEEL chains on top of the pod. ARE YOU CENSORED KIDDING ME??? The table is still in the pod mind you so it’s not like it’s even being used. They keep ramming Test into the Plexiglas to set up Lashley vs. Show.

Yeah, that’s what this whole thing is supposed to end with: the massive showdown between Show and a heavily muscled guy. I know I’ve said it before, but Vince has to have repressed homosexual desires towards musclemen. I mean really, is there any doubt of it at this point? The fans HATE this mind you.

A spear puts Test out with a minute and a half left until Show comes out. In other words, we have nothing to do but wait for the time to run out. You might as well quit reading now as you know exactly what’s coming. Show comes in with his barbed wire ball bat and naturally he gets in no offense as it’s ALL Lashley here.

He avoids the chokeslam and they slug it out. Lashley is terrible in the ring at this point mind you, so this is even more torture. And he wins it with a spear. The main event is over two hours and five minutes into the show.

Rating: D-. This was just completely ridiculous for reasons I’ve already gone into. For another thing, SABU, the guy that has somehow made a whole career out of doing stupid stunts in a ring, is left out here in favor of Holly. Are you freaking KIDDING? This was just so dumb and nothing more than Vince deciding that he’s smarter than the fans once again.

And that’s it. No seriously, the show which cost 40 dollars started at 8pm and was over at 10:05pm, the last 4 minutes being the celebration by Lashley. Do I even need to insult this?

Overall Rating: I. For incomplete. Where’s the last 45 minutes of this? I know WWE cuts their shows early, but this was inexcusable. Not only does it end 40 minutes early, but there were two matches allegedly worth seeing and the Hardys vs. MNM was the only good thing of it at all. This wasn’t a PPV. It was Vince making sure that ECW died the way he wanted it to.

If Vince would listen once all night, he could have heard the fans BEGGING for this to be Punk but the rookie muscle guy gets it instead. Heyman was of course blamed for the whole thing because while he wrote the show, it was his third one or so and the only reason he went with it was because Vince wouldn’t accept anything.

Like I said, the initial idea was Punk puts Show out in about three minutes and we end with Van Dam, Punk and Lashley (if we have to) in a 20 minute war. Alas, that would have been entertaining though so they went with Lashley being given the hero push so Vince would have nice wet dreams that night. This was an abomination and not a PPV at all.

Get the Hardys/MNM match if you like tag wrestling, but other than that don’t do anything with this show so Vince doesn’t get anything out of it. This was an insult to the fans at best and an ego trip by Vince of epic proportions.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Smackdown
Date: November 30, 2012
Location: CenturyLink Center, Bossier City, Louisiana
Commentators: Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield

Remember when Smackdown used to be good? Like when it was the best wrestling show on TV? I’m trying to give myself a nice feeling before I get into this show. We’re going to get the Shield interview from Raw I’m sure, along with Cena and AJ’s latest kiss at least once or twice on top of that. Oh and the world champions will get a quick bit of time too if we can squeeze them in. Let’s get to it.

The opening voiceover is about Shield and Show vs. Sheamus at the end.

Here’s Cena to open the show. Before Cena can eve talk, we get a recap of him vs. Ziggler. Cena talks about now being on Smackdown that often, but he’s here tonight because Dolph is in the main event. He makes fun of Ziggler for being world champion for about ten minutes once and for losing the MITB case whenever he cashes it in. Tonight it’s Sheamus vs. Ziggler and Cena is excited about it.

This brings out….Alberto Del Rio? Cena sucks up to the fans a bit as Alberto says the show belongs to him. Del Rio lists off his accomplishments, all of which Cena himself has done if I remember correctly. Alberto tells Cena to get out but Cena wants to see the main event. Cena says he won’t leave now because he has a match with Del Rio RIGHT NOW.

John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio

After a break we come back for the opening bell and to see Cena shoulder block Del Rio to the floor. We head to the outside and Cena gets rammed back first into the announce table. Back in and Alberto hits a top rope ax handle/punch to the face for two. We get a recap from before the break that set this match up via a splitscreen. Do they really think we need that much assistance in getting through a show?

A running kick to the face puts Cena down and a suplex gets two. Ziggler is watching in the back as Del Rio hooks an armbar. Cena blocks a second suplex attempt into one of his own, only to have Alberto hit a running kick to the arm in the corner. Another ax handle gets two and it’s back to the armbar. We take a break and come back with Del Rio missing a backsplash off the middle rope.

Cena initiates his finishing sequence and hits the Shuffle but the AA is countered into a Backstabber for two. The armbreaker is countered into a neckbreaker by Cena and both guys are down. John heads up top but Del Rio takes him down with an enziguri. Another enziguri misses but Cena can’t get the STF. A backbreaker puts Cena down for two more so Del Rio goes up yet again. His third attempt at an ax handle is blocked by a Cena dropkick to put both guys down. The AA is countered into the armbreaker which is countered into the STF by Cena.

Alberto FINALLY makes a rope and heads to the apron. As Cena tries to pull him back in, there’s an armbreaker over the ropes to slow Cena down. Alberto tries a sunset flip but gets caught in another AA attempt. THAT gets reversed into a German suplex for two so Alberto puts Cena in the Tree of Woe. Del Rio tries a spear to an upside down Cena but hits the post shoulder first instead. The top rope Fameasser hits perfectly for the pin on Alberto at 11:23 shown of 14:53.

Rating: B. This was a solid nearly PPV quality match with one thing that really set it apart: the ending. It’s nice to see something other than one of Cena’s two finishers ending a match for a change. Seeing the same moves get the same two counts over and over can start to seem like a waste of time after awhile, so having one of those moves get a pin every now and then is a good thing. The match was good stuff too and one of their better matches.

As Cena poses on the stage, Dolph blasts him in the back of the head with the briefcase. Josh: “You don’t want to see something like that happen to John Cena.” John: “Why not?”

Time for another recap, this time of the main event of Raw where Punk beat Kane and then the Shield ran in to beat up the monster. The beatdown on Ryback isn’t shown.

HELL NO is glaring at each other in the back when Kofi comes up to tell them to get along because they have a six man tonight. The tag champions shout compliments to each other and agree that they can get along. Kofi doesn’t know what to think of this.

Cena yells at Booker that he wants Ziggler. Booker says let the match with Sheamus vs. Ziggler take place tonight. Cena agrees because of his past with Booker.

Great Khali vs. David Otunga

Josh says this might be harder for Otunga than passing the bar exam, causing JBL to go on a big rant. Khali knocks Otunga to the floor where Horny jumps him, only to get chased away. Khali pulls Otunga back into the ring for the big chop and the pin at 1:26.

Horny and Khali dance post match.

Prime Time Players/Wade Barrett vs. HELL NO/Kofi Kingston

Take two feuds, put them into one match. This is something that could be done far more often. Kane vs. Darren gets things going here with Young getting punched down very quickly. Off to Bryan for a running dropkick in the corner and some regular kicks to a seated Young as well. Kane hits a seated dropkick of his own for two as Young shouts for Titus.

Darren finally gets in a single shot and runs over to Titus for the tag. O’Neal has his head kicked off for two and he’s sent to the floor. There’s Bryan’s running knee off the apron and we take a break. Back with Kofi getting two on Young off a dropkick. Back to Kane who does nothing so here’s Bryan again. Daniel fires off kicks and chops but Titus comes in off a blind tag to take over for the first time.

The Players take Bryan down with a double shoulder for two by Young. Off to a surfboard hold with the knee in the back by Darren. That goes nowhere so here’s Barrett for the first time. Pumphandle slam gets two on Bryan and it’s off to a reverse chinlock. Titus hits a reverse slam on Bryan before suplexing Young down onto him for two.

Darren hooks a chinlock but Bryan fights up with a bunch of forearms. Young comes back with a northern lights suplex for two as we’re waiting on the big hot tag. Titus works on the back of Bryan but charges into a boot in the corner to give Bryan a breather. There’s the tag to Kane who beats the tar out of Young, getting two off a side slam.

The top rope clothesline connects but Titus breaks things up. Kofi comes in sans tag (such a bad influence on the children) and everything breaks down. Young tries to come in of the top but jumps into a chokeslam. Swan Dive and the NO Lock from Bryan get the tap at 10:38 shown of 14:08.

Rating: C. This might as well have been the Players vs. the champions with Kofi and Barrett as managers. The two singles guys were in the match for maybe a minute each at most and I actually forgot who they were when I was writing up the results. The match wasn’t bad or anything, but I’m not sure why Barrett and Kingston didn’t get more time.

Sheamus is very excited about kicking Ziggler in the head later.

Raw ReBound is the ending of the show, most of which we saw earlier.

Here’s Damien Sandow, who says he’s going to be focusing on individuals instead of the masses from now on, which is why he’s going to search for an apprentice. He goes through the front row and finds a guy in a Punk shirt that suits him. Damien asks the fan some basic questions (how many wheels on a tricycle and how often does the US hold presidential elections) before asking what the velocity of Jupiter’s moon Europa. Sandow’s reply of “YOU IGNARAMOUS!” when the guy doesn’t know is hilarious. He says the fan has disgraced Louisiana and wants him out of his country.

Damien Sandow vs. Tyson Kidd

Kidd chases Sandow to the apron but Damien rams him face first into said apron to take over. Back in and the Wind-Up Elbow gets two but Kidd comes back with kicks to the head for two of his own. Sandow heads to the floor and gets caught in a suicide dive from Kidd. Back in and Kidd tries his springboard elbow but it lands on Sandow’s knee. For some reason this hurts Kidd instead of Damien’s knee is beyond me but whatever. Terminus ends this at 2:49.

Video on Cena’s 300^th Make-A-Wish granted.

Ziggler says that Cena is a liar and liars get what they deserve: MITB case shots to the back of their heads. There’s a really bad superhero parody skit in there somewhere.

Usos vs. 3 Man Band

It’s Slater/Mahal again. Slater vs. Jey to get things going here as the fans go pretty silent after booing 3MB’s entrance. It’s quickly off to Jimmy who now has a sleeve tattoo which helps tell them apart. A middle rope splash gets two on Slater but it’s off to Mahal to take over with a knee and chinlock. A hot tag brings in Jey for some fast paced offense including a shot to the face and a Samoan Drop for no cover. The running Umaga attack in the corner gets two but some Slater interference lets Mahal hit the full nelson slam for the pin at 2:41. This was nothing.

We recap Show and Sheamus’ staredown from Raw with Show breaking a chair.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus

Ziggler takes over to start but the showing off lets Sheamus get in a few shots to take control away. Dolph sends him to the floor but dives into a fall away slam into the barricade. Ziggler is thrown back in, only to fall right back to the floor. Sheamus throws him back in again but Ziggler guillotines him down to break up the ten forearms. We take a break and come back with Ziggler hitting a splash in the corner for two.

Off to a chinlock by the smaller guy, followed by a kick to Sheamus’ head for two. Ziggler chokes and stomps away in the corner but his charge is countered by a backdrop to the apron. There are the ten forearms to the chest but Ziggler avoids the top rope shoulder. Brogue Kick misses and Ziggler gets two off the jumping DDT. The Fameasser misses as well and there’s the Irish Curse for two. White Noise is countered but Sheamus counters the counter into the Cloverleaf but here’s Big Show for the DQ at 8:45 shown of 12:15.

Rating: C. Nothing significant here as it was all leading up to a run-in finish. It’s nice to see Ziggler not lose clean for once which happens way too often for a guy who is likely going to be a world champion in the next few months. Other than that though, nothing to see here for the most part but it wasn’t bad.

Cena comes out to save Sheamus from a double team. There’s an AA to Ziggler and a double suplex to Show. A double shoulder puts Show on the floor and the good guys celebrate to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Let’s see: recaps kept far lower than previous weeks, some pretty good and long matches, nothing being horrible for the most part, and a 3 Man Band sighting. By comparison to most of what we’ve gotten from WWE lately, this was one of the best shows in months. I’d be much happier with Smackdown if it were like this all the time, as in NOT ABOUT RAW.

Results

John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – Top Rope Fameasser

Great Khali b. David Otunga – Chop

HELL NO/Kofi Kingston b. Wade Barrett/Prime Time Players – NO Lock to Young

Damien Sandow b. Tyson Kidd – Terminus

3 Man Band b. Uso Brothers – Full Nelson Slam to Jey

Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Big Show interefered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

This is one of those things I put in a Smackdown review recently and it bares repeating.A few weeks ago, Big Show fought William Regal on Smackdown.  It lasted like two minutes and was a Big Show squash, making it pretty uninteresting.  My idea: make it a title match.  Regal never stood a chance, but if you make it a title match there’s a tiny chance that we could see a title change, and that makes the match more interesting.  It doesn’t hurt Show and it makes Regal look like a bigger deal, so why not do it?

Smackdown
Date: November 23, 2012
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Commentators: Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the night after Thanksgiving and we’re just after Survivor Series. Big Show is still champion and it looks like we’re getting Show vs. Sheamus III in a chairs match at TLC. Other than that it’s hard to say what we’re going to get at that show, but I have a feeling it’ll be a lot of rematches. Let’s get to it.

It’s the voiceover deal to start, recapping Raw with the Cena/AJ stuff. You know, in case seeing it five times on Raw wasn’t enough for you. We also see the ending with Ryback getting beaten down again.

We open with MizTV. The guest tonight? John Cena. Well you can’t say they’re being weak with the guests on this one. Cena sits on a couch and says this is awesome. Miz talks about how Cena is more famous for his in ring stuff but lately it’s been like a TMZ story. To prove it, we see the Cena/AJ kiss for the second time in five minutes. Miz asks how the kiss was and how Cena’s knee is after the attack by Ziggler. Apparently Cena has a tweeked knee but it’s nothing serious.

Well that’s enough about wrestling, so let’s talk about AJ some more. Miz wants to know if Cena and AJ are more than just friends, but Cena is tired of hearing that question. Cena does admit that AJ is a good kisser though. Riveting stuff here people. Miz again asks if they’re more than just friends and here’s AJ before Cena can answer. AJ says Cena was just doing that to prove a point to Vickie but Cena seems to dispute this. Miz makes fun of them for being in love, but Cena calls Miz an idiot.

This brings out Ziggler because this segment needs to keep going for some reason. Ziggler says that it’s AJ’s fault that Cena hurt his knee because she burst into the men’s locker room. Pay no attention to the fact that Cena hurt his knee jumping out of the ring after Ziggler which we already saw a video of today I guess. This of course leads to ANOTHER video from Raw with AJ going into the locker room and yelling at Ziggler, leading to a brawl between Dolph and Cena.

Since we haven’t covered this entire storyline yet, here’s Vickie to run her mouth a bit more. Vickie says Dolph kisses real woman which Cena calls a lie because there’s no proof Vickie is an actual woman. Guerrero insists their relationship is just professional and Dolph says he’d bring the woman out of AJ. Cena says Vickie is nuts and Dolph is still looking for his. The segment finally ends with nothing at all new being added.

Ryback vs. Darren Young

Young comes out second which is kind of odd. Titus sits in on commentary. Young pounds away to start but Ryback casually shoves him down. Young gets his head slammed into the mat and Titus blows the whistle at him. Ryback takes Young’s head off with a clothesline on the floor and we head back in. Titus: “Somebody get that boy some medication. Something’s wrong with him.” Meat Hook and Shell Shock end this in 2:03. I’m sure Young will in a title match soon after this and WWE will be confused when no one buys him as a title contender.

Titus yells at Ryback post match and gets a Shell Shock too.

R-Truth vs. Antonio Cesaro

This is non-title and is happening because Cesaro has only beaten Truth clean once so far, which means absolutely nothing in the modern WWE. Cesaro insults Thanksgiving before the match as you would expect him to do. Cesaro immediately hits the gutwrench suplex followed by a double stomp and a body vice. Truth comes back with punches and a side kick before countering the Neutralizer with a backdrop. Little Jimmy hits for the clean pin at 1:33.

Just to recap: Cesaro pinned Truth 100% clean at Survivor Series, then Truth gets another match with him and pins him in under two minutes. I SO want to see another match between them now and this certainly doesn’t hurt Cesaro’s credibility at all. My goodness they bring so many problems on themselves it’s unreal. Have Truth beat ANYONE else to earn another shot and this problem does not exist. Is it any surprise that Cesaro is a total afterthought at this point?

Sheamus arrives and Booker stops him from going to the locker room. Due to the attack at Survivor Series, Sheamus can’t compete tonight. Instead Booker gives him a chairs match for the title at TLC. Sheamus gets to go to Booker’s personal suite and watch the show. Big Show has a handicap match later against HELL NO.

Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio

The lights are back. JBL says Del Rio is a former AAA champion but I can find no record of that anywhere. Cara immediately knocks him to the floor and hits a big dive on Del Rio and Rodriguez for two back inside. A big running kick misses Del Rio and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Alberto. Cara’s right shoulder goes into the post and we take a break.

Back with Alberto pulling on the mask before shifting over to a chokehold. Del Rio fires off kicks to the back as JBL continues to amuse me. Josh talks about how he and JBL watched the 2/3 falls match earlier today, but JBL makes sure to point out that they were in separate rooms so people don’t think they’re friends. Back to the chinlock by Alberto but Cara comes back with a rana for two. Del Rio hits a kick to the side of the head, drawing a big gasp from the crowd but only getting two.

Things slow down a bit as JBL rips into Mil Mascaras a bit more. Alberto slams Cara down as the announcers stay in their argument. At least this one is entertaining though, unlike Titus and Jerry’s debate about washcloths on Raw. Back to the chinlock for a bit but Cara speeds things up and hits an armdrag and cross body for two. The Tajiri Elbow looks to set up the Swanton but Del Rio arm drags Cara off the top and the Cross Armbreaker gets the tap at 6:21 shown of 9:51.

Rating: C. The commentary was more entertaining than the match here but the match wasn’t bad. Seeing Del Rio ground Cara and work the arm over was another example of the solid psychology that Alberto has, which is one of the things that makes him so fun to watch. Pretty decent little TV match here.

Bryan tells Kane to stay out of his way tonight because he can beat Big Show in 45 seconds. Kane asks Bryan if he thinks that’s going to happen again. Guess what Bryan says. Kane says he and Show used to be tag champions and thinks Bryan and Show could be a team called No Show. Bryan: “Is this because I didn’t invite you to my house for Thanksgiving?” Kane: “…….maybe.” Bryan says it was great because they had vegan turkey. Kane wants to know what the point is. If they win tonight, Kane gets to come over for Christmas and beat up Santa Claus. These two are still hilarious.

Big Show vs. HELL NO

The champs (as in the tag champs) have to tag here and Bryan starts with Big Show. Bryan’s trunks are partially black tonight which is a new look for him. Bryan fires off kicks to the leg but Show shoves him down with ease to take over. Show sends him shoulder first into the buckle and works over the arm a bit which isn’t usually his custom. Show lifts him up in the air by the beard as JBL kind of rips into Josh for calling Bryan a goat face.

Bryan comes back with more kicks but Show casually shoves him back down. Back to the arm as Show drops a knee on it and shouts at Kane a bit. Do all the shouting you want as long as we don’t have to sit through another Show vs. Kane match. Show misses a middle rope elbow as Regal and Sheamus are watching from the sky box. Bryan has a chance to tag but shouts NO instead and fires off kicks to Show.

A big kick to the head puts Show down but Show LAUNCHES Bryan off of the cover at two. The chokeslam is countered into a guillotine choke but Show (who is supposed to have a knee injury isn’t he?) throws him off. It’s a sleeper now from Bryan which lasts for over a minute without Show going down at all. There’s the hot tag to Kane who dropkicks Show’s knee out and hits a top rope flying body attack (it was supposed to be the clothesline) but the chokeslam is broken up. A DDT puts Show down but Bryan tags himself in. Bryan tries the NO Lock and Kane walks. The hold is broken and the chokeslam ends Bryan at 10:02.

Rating: C. Not bad here but did this need to be against the tag champions? That’s the problem with the way they’ve set up the roster: there are only a handful of teams that could challenge Big Show, but Show has been booked so strong that no one can give him a legit fight. Also you don’t want Show vs. Kane again as that might be considered torturing the audience. At the end of the day, there wasn’t much they could do here but job the champions. Again.

HELL NO beats up Big Show post match, because we need to make sure everyone stays strong. I know the idea of DON’T HAVE THEM FIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE is hard to grasp, but it might be a better way to go.

Show yells at Sheamus, saying that he’ll have a chair too. Sheamus is all BRING IT ON!

Barrett comes out for commentary for the next match.

Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Damien Sandow

Damien hits a quick suplex for two but Kofi rolls out of a belly to back suplex and sends Sandow to the outside. Kofi gets sent into the buckle and to the floor as well as we take a break. Back with Damien holding a kind of crossface chickenwing before hitting a knee to the ribs to keep control. Apparently Barrett has earned an IC Title shot from his win on Monday. What exactly did Damien do to get this show?

The Wind-Up Elbow gets two for Sandow followed by the running hip attack to the back of Kofi while he’s in 619 position (you come up with a name for it) for two. Off to a chinlock which doesn’t last long. A quick slugout goes to Sandow because of Kofi’s bad eye and Kofi’s back gets rammed into the apron.

Sandow stomps away but Kofi gets up top for the cross body for two. Damien sends him into the middle buckle for a rollup for two, followed by the SOS for the same result for the champion. Kingston speeds things up and fires off chops and a dropkick to put Sandow down. There’s the Boom Drop and Trouble in Paradise for the pin at 5:57 shown of 9:27.

Rating: C+. As usual, the midcard champion is in need of a win to get any kind of momentum back. You know, because we had to have him lose on Monday to Barrett. The better idea would have been to have Barrett win by referee’s stoppage, making it so that Kofi didn’t get pinned but acknowledging that he’s in danger against Barrett. But instead let’s just have him get pinned and have him lose some credibility because, you know, who cares about stuff like that. The match was fine.

Barrett says he’s coming for the title.

According to my watch, we’ve gone a whole twenty minutes since we talked about something on Raw, so here’s a recap of the end of the show with the Championship Celebration and Ryback getting beaten down again.

Reigns, Rollins and Ambrose will speak on Raw.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Randy Orton

Main event time here. Orton pounds away to start and Ziggler hides in the corner. Ziggler takes him to the mat before pounding away on Randy’s head in the corner. Orton comes back with his dropkick for two and a slingshot suplex for the same. They head to the outside with Ziggler trying to hide in the crowd, but it’s kind of hard for a large man with blonde hair and pink trunks to hide, even in a mass of people.

Ziggler gets knocked down on the concrete as we take a break. Back with Dolph breaking out of a chinlock before Orton suplexes him right back down for two. With Ziggler laying on the apron, Orton stomps away and hits a slingshot to send Dolph throat first into the bottom rope and out to the floor. Ziggler throws Orton into the announce table and dropkicks him down, but Dolph might have injured his own knee in the process.

Back in and Ziggler erupts on Randy, pounding away on him with kicks and punches. The jumping elbow gets two and it’s off to a chinlock. Ziggler’s knee seems to be fine. Orton fights up and gets that rolling cradle out of the corner for two. We get a dueling chant from the crowd as the chinlock goes on again, this time resulting in Orton punching his way out of it. Ziggler stops the comeback dead with a DDT for a close two. This is starting to get better.

Dolph goes up top and is immediately superplexed right back down. It’s cool to see Orton expanding his moveset with stuff like the superplex and the slingshot suplex he used earlier. There’s the powerslam followed by the Elevated DDT but the RKO is countered into a rollup with trunks for the surprise pin at 9:37 shown of 13:07.

Rating: B-. Solid TV main event here but it’s a match we’ve seen several times before. It’s nice to see Dolph win here and a little bit of cheating never huts a good heel. Orton is one of those guys who isn’t going to be hurt badly by a loss so there’s no problem on his end. Dolph seems to be getting a push lately, which is nice to see as it seems that he’ll be cashing in his case soon. Then again it’s felt like that for months now.

Post match Ricardo and Alberto try to run in but Orton hits the RKO on Ricardo and Alberto stops on the apron. WHY IS THIS STILL GOING??? Cena comes out and puts Ziggler in the STF on the stage to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Did I miss something or did almost nothing happen on this show? It felt like a supplement to Raw, and while it usually feels like one of those, this was even worse than usual. There was just nothing going on here at all and the booking made limited sense at best. The main event stuff seems to be pointing to a tag match which is fine, but other than that I’m not sure what the point of this show was. Nothing to see here at all.

Results

Ryback b. Darren Young – Shell Shock

R-Truth b. Antonio Cesaro – Little Jimmy

Alberto Del Rio b. Sin Cara – Cross Armbreaker

Big Show b. HELL NO – Chokeslam to Bryan

Kofi Kingston b. Damien Sandow – Trouble in Paradise

Dolph Ziggler b. Randy Orton – Rollup with a handful of trunks

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Survivor Series 2012
Date: November 18, 2012
Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indianapolis
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re up to one of the Big Four PPVs and I really don’t care. Seriously, what reason is there for me to care about this show? We have a rematch from last month and a triple threat with Cena involved this time but no Cell. Oh and a Survivor Series match between two teams with captains that have talked all of maybe twice ever since we decided to change the main event after a week. Let’s get to it.

Pre Show: 3MB vs. Santino Marella/Zack Ryder

It’s Slater and Mahal here. Ryder vs. Mahal gets things going as Striker rips on Ryder for being so prominent on Facebook and Twitter. That may indeed be stupid, but if Ryder ever gets out of wrestling, he can legitimately call himself a creator of a successful web series, and that’ll likely get him a job in the real world. Not bad for some social media geek is it? Off to Santino who works on Mahal’s arm before it’s off to Ryder again to beat on Slater. A running elbow in the corner gets two as the announcers talk about music.

McIntyre trips up Santino and the heels take over. That lasts so short of an amount of time that I don’t have anything to type about it before Santino comes in and beats up the band members. Slater gets in a knee to the ribs and 3MB takes over again. A clothesline to the back of the head gets two and it’s chinlock time. Santino dives away from Mahal and there’s the hot tag to Ryder. House is cleaned and the Broski Boot hits Mahal. The Rough Ryder puts Slater down but McIntyre blasts Zack in the back of the head with a cast. A full nelson slam from Mahal gets the pin on Ryder for the pin at 6:11.

Rating: C-. Just a tag match here but having 3MB on my screen is always a good thing anymore. It’s a great example of how a simple repackaging into something different can breathe new life into someone’s career. That’s old school booking and it often gives you the right answer that you’re looking for. Having McIntyre go out there and be called the Chosen One or the guy that was often called the Chosen One for years on end isn’t going to get him anywhere. Changing him into something completely different and repackaging him has given his character more life than anything he’s done since he debuted.

The opening video is the same history deal they’ve done for the last five years or so. Is there any show that does that? They talk about the two world title matches as well, but the Survivor Series isn’t mentioned at all.

David Otunga is replacing Rhodes.

Team Clay vs. Team Tensai

Brodus Clay, Sin Cara, Rey Mysterio, Tyson Kidd, Justin Gabriel

Tensai, Prime Time Players, Primo, Epico

My goodness they’re USING THE BIG FREAKING ROSTER THEY HAVE. This is a smart move that they never use for some reason. I miss the King’s stupid lines. Apparently the fans got to pick Rosa’s dress tonight. Uh….sure. Kidd and Epico start things off with Kidd taking it down to the mat quickly. Off to an armbar by Kidd before Epico bridges into a backslide. This is some awesome stuff actually. Kidd sends him to the floor but Epico slams him face first into the apron to take over.

Off to Gabriel for some kicks and a legsweep before it’s right back to Kidd. Scratch that as it’s Young vs. Mysterio now as this is hitting a bit of a dull spot. Cara and Mysterio hit a combination wheelbarrow slam/X-Factor for two for Cara. Primo comes in and takes the Tajiri Elbow and a rana to send him into the corner. Primo slams him down and it’s off to the Big Bald. JBL rattles off some NJPW stats for Tensai and it’s off to O’Neal.

That also goes nowhere so it’s off to Epico again for a camel clutch. Cara finally escapes and hits an enziguri before making the tag to Brodus. Everything breaks down and the four tag team guys on the heel team are sent to the floor. Kidd and Gabriel hit stereo suicide dives to take out the Puerto Ricans and the masked guys hit stereo Asai Moonsaults to take out the Players. Awesome sequence there.

This leaves the two monsters left in the ring alone in a match we’ve seen a lot of times before. Clay tries his overhead suplex attempt but it basically turns into a Downward Spiral, which makes me wonder if there’s more to Ryback not being able to Shell Shock Tensai. Brodus misses a splash in the corner and gets shoulder blocked down. The backsplash from Tensai takes out Clay and we’re down to 5-4.

Kidd tries to fire off some kicks but gets run over as well. Off to Titus again with an abdominal stretch to slow things down. A backbreaker from Titus puts Gabriel down and the backsplash from Tensai gets two. A second attempt misses and Justin rolls him up for the pin. Back to O’Neal as we’re down to what this match likely should have been in the first place.

Epico comes in to chop away and hit a butterfly suplex for two on Gabriel. Off to some chinlockery but Epico misses an elbow drop and there’s the hot tag to Kidd. Scratch the hot part as he’s immediately sent to the floor and stomped on by Primo. Back to Titus for more pounding but a big boot misses and O’Neal crotches himself on the top rope, allowing Kidd to hook his spinning sunset flip for the elimination.

Young immediately comes in to stomp away as it’s Cara/Mysterio/Kidd/Gabriel vs. Epico/Primo/Young. Epico comes in and rolls some belly to back suplexes but Kidd sweeps the legs and it’s a Sharpshooter for the elimination. It is Survivor Series after all. Primo comes in now and suplexes Kidd down, only to dive off the top onto some knees.

There’s the hot tag to Rey who speeds things up and kicks Primo in the head for two. The seated senton by Rey gets two and La Magistral leaves Young on his own. There’s the 619, a Swanton from Cara, a top rope Lionsault from Justin, a top rope elbow from Kidd and a top rope splash from Rey to END Young for the win at 18:27.

Rating: B-. Very solid choice for an opener here with everyone looking good to great out there. This is what they should do with the three hour Raw’s: let the small guys go out there and tear the house down for ten minutes or so to fire up the crowd. This worked really well for an opening match and the high flying sequences were all really fun. Good, fun match here which is what the roster is capable of when it doesn’t have stupid writing weighing it down.

Kaitlyn is heading to the ring when some blonde chick attacks her. Oh it’s Aksans in a wig. Eve comes up and pretends to know nothing about this. Kaitlyn shoves her down and makes fun of her.

Divas Title: Kaitlyn vs. Eve Torres

Eve is defending after ducking Kaitlyn for a few months now. It’s a catfight to start with Kaitlyn throwing the wig in her face. Kaitlyn pounds away on her as you can see how bad she really is out there. She has no idea what she’s doing for the most part and is doing stuff that looks like she’s imitating wrestling more than anything else. Eve tries to run into the crowd and is thrown into the barricade for her efforts.

Back in and Eve kicks Kaitlyn down to take over. Kaitlyn gets choked in the corner and the champ drops an elbow for two. Off to that triangle choke that Eve uses to fill in some time while giving us some good shots of Eve’s legs. Eve loads up the moonsault but gets shoved down to the apron. Kaitlyn comes back and pounds away some more with a gutbuster getting two. Eve trips her up and hits her spinning neckbreaker out of nowhere to retain at 7:02.

Rating: D-. As usual, Kaitlyn proves she’s just not very good in the ring. She’s built and has a pretty face which is all you need in modern WWE to be a successful Diva, but at the same time it doesn’t mean her matches are any less painful to sit through. Eve is at least competent in the ring but she needs more to work with here.

We get a clip from the preshow where Del Rio and Ziggler argue over the tag match. Team Foley argued too until Foley calmed them down and said he needed all of them to work together.

US Title: Antonio Cesaro vs. R-Truth

Truth is challenging for no apparent reason at all. Cesaro makes fun of Thanksgiving before the match because Americans have nothing to be thankful for. He makes fun of how bad things are in America compared to Europe and the energy Cesaro has here is good stuff. Truth quickly rolls him up twice for two each and punches him in the head a few times. Cesaro comes back with some punches in the corner of his own as JBL talks about Antonio trying to learn Russian.

Off to a double arm submission attempt followed by a gutwrench to slow Truth down. This is REALLY not the kind of a match they needed to wake up a crowd that is kind of dead so far. The gutwrench suplex gets two and the uppercut gets the same. Back to the freaking gutwrench before Truth fights up and gets two off a spin kick and the same off a Stunner. The ax kick misses and it’s the uppercut and Neutralizer to retain the title at 6:58.

Rating: D. This was a Smackdown match and nothing more. After a match which was literally added to the card tonight and a terrible Divas match, this wasn’t the right idea. Truth had no chance coming into this match and he only had a few moments where he was even on offense. Nothing to see here at all for the most part.

TLC ad which is like an Otunga law ad.

We watch the AJ/Cena/Vickie segment from Raw. THIS IS A FREAKING PAY PER VIEW. WHY ARE WE WATCHING A SEGMENT FROM RAW??? Oh, because here’s AJ for ANOTHER segment in this story that no one cares about BECAUSE IT DOESN’T MATTER. They’re both single but apparently Vickie is just being evil and oh what’s the freaking point. She accuses Vickie of having a secret of her own and here’s Vickie to yell some more.

We get stupid fake Photoshopped images of Vickie and Ricardo Rodriguez sharing burritos. There’s another one of her with JR and one with her and Brodus. They admit this is stupid and stare at each other a bit until AJ says that if either touches the other, they’re fired. SO WHAT ARE WE BUILDING TOWARDS THEN??? Oh apparently it’s Tamina Snuka we’re building to, as she jumps AJ and beats her down. You know, because this feud doesn’t have enough worthless people in it already.

Heyman talks about how Punk is the 8^th longest reigning WWE Champion ever and how he’s the best in the world.

We recap Sheamus vs. Big Show. They had a great match at HIAC where Show won the title off a pair of KO Punches. Tonight is the rematch and Sheamus is MAD.

Smackdown World Title: Sheamus vs. Big Show

Show is defending in case you’re rather stupid. We get some big match intros and we’re ready to go. Sheamus pounds away to start but Show punches him down to take over. The chops in the corner have Sheamus in trouble but he comes back with a shoulder to take out Show’s leg. We go old school to have Show tied up in the ropes where Sheamus pounds away. The ten forearms in the ropes hit but Show rolls to the floor to avoid a Brogue Kick.

Back in and Sheamus tries the top rope shoulder but Show spears him out of the air. This is one of those battle of the giants which is always cool. There’s not much better than two big guys beating on each other. Sheamus gets knocked to the floor for a bit as Show is in full control. Back in and Cole talks about Show winning the world title in the main event of Survivor Series 1999 in, and I quote, one of the greatest Survivor Series matches ever. Does anyone even remember that match? If you don’t, trust me when I say it’s not anything great.

Show works over the arm for some reason before pounding him down even more. This is a slow match but it’s not terrible or anything. Sheamus gets knocked to the floor but comes back in with the slingshot shoulder. Not that it means anything as Show kicks him down and gets two off an elbow. It’s nerve hold time followed by a side slam for two. Sheamus fights up and goes with the classic strategy of choking Show out while on his back.

Sheamus pounds away but misses a charge, sending him shoulder first into the post. Show loads up the Vader Bomb but in the HOKEY SMOKE spot of the match, Sheamus counters into an electric chair drop for two. They slug it out from their knees with Sheamus taking over. A KO Punch misses and there’s a shoulder to take Show down. A double ax does the same followed by Sheamus escaping the chokeslam and hitting White Noise for two. Here comes the Brogue Kick but Show pulls the referee in the way. With the referee being checked on, Show knocks out Sheamus and pins him to retain at 14:40.

Rating: C-. This was nowhere near as good as last month but this was a completely different kind of match. This was more of a regular match with a stupid ending which is designed to do nothing more than keep the feud going. While that’s better than the reasons we got more Sheamus vs. Del Rio (Del Rio wanting more shots), it doesn’t mean we need another match in the feud at all. The match here was slow, although not boring and the fans were getting into it which is a good thing. The ending hurt it more than anything else.

Oh and one more thing: JBL is great on commentary here in the vein of Jesse Ventura. He was cheering for Sheamus at the end because Sheamus earned his praise by being tough during the match. It’s nice to see commentators who can be swayed during the match like that.

Show gets disqualified by another referee and Sheamus wins. Well sure why not. Sheamus destroys Show and his knee with a chair and Brogue Kicks Show while Show is on one knee. Methinks a chairs match is obvious now.

Show literally crawls up the aisle as the fans cheer for Ziggler. He gets on a knee and we go to a Rolling Stones concert ad. According to a live report I read, Show got up and walked to the back like it was fine. You know, because limping is too much to ask for of him.

Team Ziggler vs. Team Foley

Dolph Ziggler, Damien Sandow, David Otunga, Alberto Del Rio, Wade Barrett

Randy Orton, The Miz, HELL NO, Kofi Kingston

If you can figure out why Foley and Ziggler are feuding, you’re smarter than I am because for all I can tell, they’ve spoken about twice ever. Otunga and Kofi get things going with Kingston getting a rollup for two. Trouble in Paradise is teased but David heads to the floor and gets dived on. Off to Bryan for the fans to chant YES a lot but Otunga comes back with a side slam for two.

Sandow comes in for the Wind-Up Elbow for two and it’s off to a chinlock. Bryan fights up and hits a running knee in the corner and some hard kicks to keep Sandow in trouble. Damien starts walking out but Kane throws him back in for a chokeslam and the first elimination. Bryan and Kane argue some more until Kane shoves Bryan to the floor. The distraction allows Ziggler to Zig Zag Kane down for the elimination. That move really does look all that great, especially when Kane is completely fresh.

Miz and Orton get in an argument before Randy gets to fight Dolph. Off to Kofi for another version of a match that is almost always good. A big monkey flip sends Ziggler flying and it’s off to Bryan for more chanting from the fans. Ziggler takes over again and here’s Barrett to kick Bryan in the ribs. Otunga comes in with a shoulder block but gets quickly pulled into the NO Lock for the tap out.

Alberto comes in and hooks a chinlock on Bryan as things slow down for a few seconds. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker puts Bryan down but Daniel comes back, sending Del Rio to the floor. There’s the tag to Kofi but the fans don’t seem that interested at the moment. Trouble in Paradise is broken up but there’s a big spinning cross body off the top for two. Barrett gets the tag and the Winds of Change set up the Bull Hammer to make sure the IC Champion is pinned again.

To recap it’s Barrett/Del Rio/Ziggler vs. Miz/Bryan/Orton. It’s Orton coming in to face Barrett and a suplex puts the Brit down. Orton reaches for a tag but Miz wants nothing to do with it. Instead here’s Bryan to work on the arm and get two off a middle rope missile dropkick (JBL: “THE FLYING GOAT!”). Barrett clotheslines him down and brings in Del Rio as this match continues to take forever. The NO Lock doesn’t work on Alberto so there’s the running enziguri in the corner and the Armbreaker gets the submission from Bryan.

Here’s Miz for the first time and he doesn’t really do much before it’s back to Orton for the circle stomp. Ziggler comes in and gets thrown into the air in a big crashing bump from Orton. There’s the hot tag to Miz who gets a decent reaction from the crowd and sends Ziggler to the floor. The top rope double ax puts Wade down and after escaping the pumphandle slam, Miz gets the elimination on Barrett after the Finale.

A German suplex from Del Rio puts Miz down for two and the corner enziguri eliminates him, making it Orton vs. Del Rio and Ziggler. Del Rio and Orton slug it out and a Ziggler distraction lets Del Rio get a fast two count. Off to Ziggler who does nothing of note and Orton makes his comeback. He stops for an Elevated DDT attempt on Ricardo but Ziggler makes the save. There’s Socko to Ricardo and Ziggler accidentally dropkicks Del Rio. Randy sends Ziggler into the post and RKOs Del Rio to get us down to one on one.

Orton looks over at Ziggler who is pretty much out cold in the corner and it’s time to load up the RKO, but Ziggler holds the ropes and hits the Zig Zag for two. The place is WAY into Orton here and both guys are down. The Fameasser misses and there’s the Elevated DDT. Orton is bleeding from the mouth. He sees the blood and loads up the Punt instead of the RKO. Instead he charges into a superkick and Ziggler gets the 100% clean pin at 23:44.

Rating: C-. The problem here is that it’s long. Well that and the fact that the feuds were all thrown off due to changing the writing or injuries, but we’ll stick to the length here. At the end of the day, this was mainly filling time until the very end. On top of that, I forgot Foley was involved at all in this until the end. They would have been WAY better off by making this Team Orton or Team Kofi, but they had to stick with the feud they set up, even though it was gone.

Fans TOUT IT OUT about who Rock should face at the Rumble.

We recap the triple threat. Punk is champion, Ryback got screwed out of the title, Cena is Cena. That’s all I’ve got, but the recap shows EVERYTHING in this feud, which isn’t really even a feud.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk vs. Ryback

Cena has a new shirt focusing on how he’s been around for ten years. Ryback comes out third and most people don’t seem thrilled. Punk immediately bails to the floor and both challengers chase after him. It’s Cena that catches up with him but the challengers get in an argument over who gets to fight him. Ryback boots Punk down and Cena adds a bulldog until we get the big showdown.

Before there’s any contact, it’s time for the dueling chants. Cena tries a quick AA but Ryback escapes and runs him over with a shoulder. Ryback knocks him to the floor and Punk is back in to beat on the bald guy. Punk knocks him down and is immediately gorilla pressed down by Ryback. Cena tries a chinlock on Ryback but Punk breaks it up with a top rope ax handle for some reason.

Ryback takes an ax handle as well but Punk’s attempt at a second one is caught in mid air. Punk gets rammed into the corner but Cena comes back in and walks into a Punk DDT for two. Punk puts Cena in the Last Chancery but Ryback pulls him up and powerslams him down for two. Cena hits the spinning slam on Ryback but it’s completely no sold. Ryback sends him to the floor and Cena is sent into the steps as things continue to not really slow at all here.

Punk hooks a chinlock on Ryback in the ring but it’s easily broken up. The Meat Hook sets up the Shell Shock but Cena stops Ryback before he can drop Punk. There’s the STF on Ryback, so Punk takes FOREVER going up top and pointing into the air before dropping the Macho Elbow to break it up. Punk and Cena slug it out so Ryback clotheslines them both down at once. Both guys get sent to the floor by the monster where he tries a double Shell Shock on the floor.

Since that would likely kill one of them, Punk escapes and joins forces with Cena for a double suplex to put Ryback through the announce table. Back in the ring and Cena cranks things up with the shoulders and the Shuffle. The AA is countered and the GTS gets two, as does the AA that follows it. Punk fires off kicks and blocks an STF attempt.

The running knee in the corner hits but the bulldog is countered into the STF. Ryback makes the save and kills them both with Meat Hooks. Punk gets Shell Shocked but Cena makes the save at the last second. There’s a Shell Shock for Cena….and here are Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose from FCW to beat up Ryback. Cole says all of their names and they hit a triple powerbomb on Ryback through the other announce table. Punk pins the dead Cena to retain at 17:56.

Rating: B-. The ending was to set up something else in the future of course and to make sure Punk keeps the title until the Rumble so we can have Rock beat Punk after he holds the title for fourteen months or whatever they think we’re going to care about. The lack of a flow here hurt and the crowd wasn’t into this at all for the most part. Seeing three new guys come in was a nice touch though.

Punk celebrates a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I don’t want to say the show was bad because it wasn’t but there’s nothing here worth watching. We had a match added to the show, a bad Divas match, a worthless match, a match used to set up next month, a match with a feud that doesn’t exist, and a match that was about setting up another feud while advancing towards the Rumble. If that’s not a filler PPV I don’t know what is. The matches that mattered weren’t bad but there’s nothing here that you need to see at all. Not a bad show, just not an interesting one at all.

Results

Team Clay b. Team Tensai – Top Rope Splash to Young

Eve Torres b. Kaitlyn – Spinning Neckbreaker

Antonio Cesaro b. R-Truth – Neutralizer

Sheamus b. Big Show via DQ when Show pulled the referee in the way of a Brogue Kick

Team Ziggler b. Team Foley – Superkick to Orton

CM Punk b. John Cena and Ryback – Punk pinned Cena after a Shell Shock

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Smackdown
Date: November 16, 2012
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re two days away from Survivor Series and did you know Sheamus is fighting Big Show again? That’s a serious question actually as it’s been passed over even more than most Smackdown main event matches have been in recent memory. Other than that this is likely going to be used to talk about Foley vs. Ziggler some more, because there’s no real reason for that match to happen, but it’s happening anyway because WWE has no idea what they want to do right now. Let’s get to it.

They do the voiceover nonsense again to preview the show. It’s a recap of Raw and a quick discussion of Sheamus vs. Show.

Sheamus is in the parking lot and waiting on Show I think.

Here’s the freshly face Miz to open the show with MizTV. This will help the face reactions but it’ll be interesting to see what happens when he’s not in his hometown. He gets a Miz Is Awesome chant and welcomes us to his show before talking about his match on Sunday. Miz sucks up to the fans about voting him into the PPV but thinks it might be because he’s on the poster.

He talks about how he’s accomplished more than anyone else in the match, including Ziggler. This brings him to the guest of the evening: Mick Foley. Foley immediately goes for the cheap pop but Miz says this is his hometown so he gets the cheap pop. After a cheap plug for Foley’s new book, Mick talks about how Miz is a new person at the moment. However, he isn’t sure which Miz is going to show up at Survivor Series. Will it be the one that beat Cena in the main event of Wrestlemania or the one that is always taking vacations and growing a weak beard?

Miz thinks there’s no point to asking that question because Miz is the last person who Foley has to worry about. There’s the guy that stole the Intercontinental Title from Miz and tag champions that don’t like each other. Foley brings out those three people (Kofi and HELL NO) along with Orton, which is all of Team Foley. Foley tells someone to start the conversation, leading to an argument between Bryan and Kane.

Kane says his back feels better from not having to carry Miz on Monday. Bryan says because of him, Kane isn’t roaming basements and scaring little children. Kane: “I roam basements and scare little children regardless.” Kofi breaks up the argument so Miz yells at Kingston for playing peacekeeper. He didn’t like Kofi kicking him in the face last week and Foley has to break up another argument.

Orton talks about his history with Foley but says he likes Foley more than anyone else on the team. Orton shoves down part of the set and here’s Team Ziggler. I completely forgot Barrett was on that team at all. Ziggler says that team is pretty sad even for Foley, which is kind of a stretch I’d think. Dolph talks about team unity but keeps having to call down Del Rio for talking to Ricardo too much.

Del Rio wants to be team leader and an argument breaks out until Foley says he has match making power tonight. Well sure, why not. It’s Ziggler/Del Rio vs. Miz/Orton. Ziggler says Barrett is better than Miz so it’s Barrett vs….Kane? Bryan yells NO a lot but Sandow demands SILENCE. He runs down the team but Kofi cuts them off and it’s Kingston vs. Damien right now.

Damien Sandow vs. Kofi Kingston

Non-title of course and the pink trunks are back. Kofi snaps off some armdrags as we see the backdrop that hurt Cody. Kofi sends Sandow to the floor and hits a dropkick back inside for two. More kicks put Damien down for two and we head back to the floor for a suicide dive by Kofi. We take a break and come back with Kingston hammering away but Damien hitting a running flip neckbreaker for two.

The Wind-Up elbow gets two more and it’s time for Kofi’s comeback. He fires off forearms and a Boom Drop for two, followed by the top rope cross body for the same. Sandow kicks him in the knee and rolls Kofi up with trunks for the pin at 6:05 shown of 9:35. It’s just as quick and out of nowhere as it sounds.

Rating: C-. Sandow getting another win is only a good thing for him, but the problem with having so many champions on a team is that someone has to lose at some point. Sandow looked fine here and it’s a good sign that his in ring work is where it is, as he’s mainly a mic based character. Any good stuff in the ring is a bonus.

Sheamus is still in the back.

We recap (as in reair) the AJ/Cena/Vickie stuff from Raw.

Natalya/Layla/Kaitlyn vs. Alicia Fox/Eve Torres/Aksana

We start with Natalya beating on Aksana before Layla beats on her a bit. Off to Alicia for a mat slam by the hair for two before it’s off to Eve for a flip splash on Layla for two. JBL tries to talk about the Kaitlyn attack storyline as if anyone cares anymore. Off to Alicia who gets kicked away and the tag is made to Kaitlyn. House is cleaned and the crowd is dead. Kaitlyn dropkicks Alicia into Eve and hits the reverse DDT for the pin at 3:42.

Rating: D. That’s becoming my standard rating for Divas matches anymore. They’re fine I guess but man alive I don’t care about this storyline. I don’t think they really know what the story is anymore other than someone attacked Kaitlyn like two months ago and a bunch of other girls are involved also. It’s not even four minutes though so I can’t complain much.

Booker comes up to Sheamus and says Big Show isn’t going to show up with Sheamus in the parking lot. Sheamus says if Show has any guts he’ll meet Sheamus in the ring. Booker threatens consequences if anything happens.

Randy Orton/The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio

Miz and Ziggler start things off at a fast pace with Miz hitting a flapjack for two. JBL and Josh continue to be hilarious. Josh: “Of course Orton was the sole survivor of JBL’s Survivor Series team.” JBL: “I’m about to be the sole survivor of this commentary booth if you bring that up again.” Miz misses a charge and hits the floor as Del Rio knocks Orton to the outside as well.

We take a break and come back with Orton fighting out of a Ziggler chinlock. A knee to the ribs and elbow drop get two for Dolph and it’s back to Alberto. After he does nothing of note, Ziggler comes in for a foot on the chest for two. Orton starts another comeback but gets kicked in the face for his efforts. A clothesline puts Ziggler down and it’s off to Miz. The hometown boy pounds on Ziggler in the corner and hits the top rope ax handle for two.

Miz goes up again but a Ricardo distraction lets Alberto shove Miz off the top and out to the floor. Ziggler and Del Rio take some cheap shots on Miz and Alberto hits a running kick in the corner to Miz’s arm. Miz avoids a charge and sends Del Rio to the floor, allowing for the hot tag to Orton. Both heels take powerslams and there’s the Elevated DDT to Del Rio. Miz tags himself in though and hits the Finale on Alberto for the pin at 7:24 shown of 10:54.

Rating: C. This was your standard main event tag match which was only decent. They’re pushing the idea of the teams arguing a lot but it’s not really coming through on the Ziggler side. Orton and Miz looked fine here as Miz is basically his old self but with a leapfrog now. It’s too early to tell how his face push is going to go, but they need to change something about him other than who he fights.

Orton is annoyed at Miz post match and gives him an RKO to a good deal of booing.

Here’s Sheamus to confront Big Show. Sheamus rants about Big Show attacking Regal on Raw and being a bully. Well Sheamus wants to BE A STAR and wants to fight. Maybe he isn’t being a star after all. Here’s Show who says Sheamus should thank him for not coming down there. Sheamus comes up the aisle but Booker says no and tells Sheamus to leave the building. Sheamus goes for Show again and we go to a break.

In the back, Show acts like he’s Booker’s buddy but Booker doesn’t see it that way. Booker puts Show in the main event against a surprise opponent. It’s not Sheamus though. Booker says no one is bigger than the show. Ok then.

Kane vs. Wade Barrett

This has potential. Barrett immediately pounds away and hits the Winds of Change for no count. Kane boots him down and clotheslines Barrett to the floor….and here’s Team Ziggler for the DQ at 57 seconds.

Bryan comes in for the save and there are no other partners with him. Oh wait here’s Kofi but the numbers are too great. Orton finally makes the save and it’s RKO’s all around for Team Ziggler. Miz comes out to glare at Team Foley.

We recap the Raw World Title stuff from Raw.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Sin Cara

Truth comes out for commentary. Cesaro takes him to the mat to start but Cara grabs his arm and hits a rana out of the corner. Antonio immediately comes back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two followed by the gutwrench suplex. A European Uppercut to the back of Cara’s head puts him down but a big spinning headscissors takes Cesaro down. West Coast Pop gets two for Cara but Cesaro throws him into the air for the uppercut followed by the Neutralizer for the pin at 2:20. Just a squash for the most part.

R-Truth quotes Jim Duggan and starts a USA chant.

Big Show vs. Great Khali

Non-title of course. This is going to be your standard battle of the giants with a lot of slow offense. Khali stomps him down in the corner but Show slugs away at him. A spear puts Khali down for two but Khali breaks up the chokeslam and chops Show down for two. The Punjabi Plunge is broken up and the KO Punch gets the pin at 3:32.

Rating: D. Was there any real doubt about how this was going to go? Nothing match here with Khali basically being a body for Show to beat up and bump from a bit. If nothing else, it’s good to see Khali back in the ring after having brain surgery or whatever it was he had done. Not exactly a quality main event here though.

Sheamus’ music plays but he doesn’t come out so it’s back to Show’s music.

Post match Show walks to the back but Sheamus jumps him as he gets on his bus. Show fights back and shoves Sheamus through the windshield of a car, but Shemaus dives off the car and rams Show into another windshield. Booker pulls Sheamus off to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This is one of those shows where it depends on how you look at it. From a quality standpoint, it was nothing at all of note. It was full of nothing of note matches and nothing new being added for the most part. From the standpoint of a go home show, it pushed the two main Smackdown matches which is what the final show before a PPV is supposed to do. That being said, I still don’t care about the show because we have no reason to care about Ziggler vs. Foley and the world title match has been done before. Not much here but it’s not horrible. As with most WWE at the moment, it’s just kind of there.

Results

Damien Sandown b. Kofi Kingston – Rollup with a handful of trunks

Natalya/Kaitlyn/Layla b. Alicia Fox/Eve Torres/Aksana – Reverse DDT to Fox

Randy Orton/The Miz b. Alberto Del Rio/Dolph Ziggler – Skull Crushing Finale to Del Rio

Kane b. Wade Barrett via DQ when Team Ziggler interefered

Antonio Cesaro b. Sin Cara – Neutralizer

Big Show b. Great Khali – KO Punch

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Survivor Series 2006
Date: November 26, 2006
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 15,400
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

After last year’s solid edition, the main event this year is Booker T vs. Batista. Think about that match for a minute and it just sounds like something that’s going to be dull. This is also a Last Chance match, meaning that if Batista doesn’t win the title here, he gets NO MORE CHANCES at Booker. If that’s not a sign as to what’s coming, you’re beyond my help. The other match that people remember here is Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO. Let’s get to it.

This is the 20^th show so we talk about tradition and all that jazz. Then it turns into a regular video about a PPV, but a good one.

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Ric Flair, Sgt. Slaughter, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes

Kenny, Johnny, Nicky, Mikey

Slaughter is replacing a cancer ridden Roddy Piper. Actually he got very lucky as he got a concussion because of a Conchairto from Edge, and on the tests the cancer was found. Arn Anderson is here with the Legends and we get the awesome Horsemen music. The only member of the Squad still around is Nicky, more famous as Dolph Ziggler. Mikey is Mike Mondo in ROH at the moment.

Simmons and Mikey start things off and guess who wins the slugout. Simmons beats up all of them but Mitch, the fifth member of the squad not in the match, interferes and gets Ron on the floor. Mitch’s distraction leads to Simmons getting counted out. Mitch gets ejected but Simmons beats him up first. Anderson gets ejected as well for no apparent reason. The Philly fans are TICKED. Nicky comes in to face Sarge and he mocks the salute. Fan: “PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!”

Sarge beats him up with ease and it’s off to Dusty for some gyrating and elbows to the arm. It’s off to Flair and you know the Philly fans are all for that one. A chop later and it’s right back to Slaughter who hooks the Cobra Clutch, but Dusty and Kenny come in to fight, allowing Johnny to kick Sarge in the head to give Nicky a pin. Off to Dusty who hits the bionic elbow for the immediate elimination of Nicky, making it 3-2. Dusty gets caught in the corner but he gyrates it off.

The Flip Flop and Fly takes Kenny down but another elbow misses, giving Kenny a rollup (with jeans) pin. It’s Kenny/Johnny/Mikey vs. Flair now with Mikey starting first. Flair chops him into the corner but Mikey starts punching away. Ric hits a quick atomic drop and gets a rollup with feet on the ropes (now THAT is vintage Flair) for the elimination. Kenny gets in some shots but ducks his head and gets cradled for the pin, leaving Flair vs. Johnny. Less than a minute later it’s a Figure Four to give Flair the win.

Rating: C-. This was exactly what it was expected to be and that’s all it should have been. The legends were there to have a feel good nostalgia moment and get eliminated so Flair, the only one who had been active in the last three years or so, could knock out all of the Squad and give the fans a feel good moment. Also it’s only about ten minutes long so it’s not like this was anything major. It’s not a good technical match, but if that’s what you’re expecting here, you missed the point entirely. Besides, the Squad was gone literally the next night.

Post match the Squad beats down Flair and the Legends….are nowhere in sight. Kind of a downer.

We recap Benoit vs. Chavo. Benoit came back from an injury and won the US Title but Vickie and Chavo, his former friends, wanted nothing to do with him. Chavo and Vickie didn’t like Rey making his name off Eddie’s legacy, which is true but I don’t blame Rey for it. Chavo injured Rey’s knee (Mysterio needed time off for surgery) but when Benoit tried to make the save, the Guerreros weren’t happy. I’ve heard of worse reasons for a title match. There was some nonsense about Eddie’s estate that I don’t remember going anywhere. That would be one of those worse reasons.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Benoit, the champion, pounds away to start and hits a quick backbreaker for one. Some knees to the ribs set up a snap suplex for another two. Chavo comes back with a bunch of forearms and stomps in the corner, only to get caught in the Crossface. Vickie makes the save by putting Chavo’s boot on the face. JBL: “You don’t know what she shaves Chavo.” Chavo hits a pair of suplexes for two and it’s off to a chinlock.

Benoit comes out of it with a Samoan Drop of all things but gets dropkicked right back down for two. Another suplex is countered and Benoit rolls some Germans to set up the Swan Dive. Vickie grabs Benoit’s foot and the distraction makes the Swan Dive miss, sending his head crashing into the mat again. Chavo suplexes him down (again) but the Frog Splash only gets two. Benoit loads up the Sharpshooter but gets kicked off into Vickie who is on the apron. There’s the Crossface and Chavo taps out.

Rating: D+. That’s likely a bit low but this was a dull match. Chavo came off as more of an annoyance than a challenge here and that never makes for an entertaining match. I still shudder whenever I see Benoit take a head shot like he did off the Swan Dive as I always wonder which shot was the point of no return for him.

Watch the Extreme Elimination Chamber at December to Dismember! NEXT SUNDAY!!!

Lita says that she’s done after tonight’s match (that’s actually true) and she’s glad it’s in front of these horrible fans in Philadelphia. Edge makes some Donovan McNabb jokes and says his team is going to take out Team DX. After he leaves, Cryme Tyme leaves Lita’s locker room with a box of her stuff.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Mickie James

Lita is defending. I miss Mickie with those skirts that keep flying up. Lita slaps Mickie in the face to start, causing Mickie to choke away in the corner. The champ comes back by literally throwing Mickie around which is a bit less than what you would expect from someone as talented as Lita. Mickie goes up and gets slammed off the top as this is one sided so far.

A quick snap suplex gets two for Lita as this continues to be slow. I can’t at all complain about the upskirt shots of Mickie though. Off to a sleeper by Lita which is the last thing this match needed. Mickie gets in the ropes and avoids a charge in the corner. She goes up and is immediately suplexed down for two. Now the fans think Lita has herpes.

Mickie hits a SWEET spinning kick to take Lita’s head off followed by a fisherman’s suplex for two (and a GREAT crotch shot of Mickie). Moonsault gets two for Lita but the Edgecution is countered, giving Mickie two. They trade rollups and Mickie hits the jumping DDT to retire Lita and win the title.

Rating: D. Most of that is for getting great views of Mickie and Lita’s rocking cleavage. Other than that, this was some pretty uninspired stuff. Lita left when she should have as she had nothing left to accomplish and no one like Trish to work with. Pretty terrible match here but it passed the torch to Mickie who was indeed the future of the division.

Lita asks for a microphone and makes Lillian tell the crowd to cheer for her. She doesn’t like being booed and is glad to get to leave in front of Philly because its fans suck. Here’s Cryme Tyme with a box of Lita’s stuff they stole earlier. They’re having a HO Sale and it’s cash only. The first item sold: Lita’s yeast infection medicine for one dollar.

Cryme Tyme realizes JBL is at the announce table and offer the goods to him. He says he’s the only person in America who doesn’t have some of Lita’s panties so he gives them $100. The next item: Lita’s vibrator. Dang she’s bored in the locker room. That goes for 25 bucks and there’s only one thing left. It’s cheap, it’s wide, you can put your head in it: it’s Lita’s box. That goes for I think 20 bucks to end a hilarious segment.

Batista has nothing to say about the title match tonight. Booker attacked Batista at the contract signing and hit him in the throat with a scepter. After seeing a clip of it, Batista says he’s leaving tonight with the title.

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

Shawn Michaels, HHH, Hardy Boys, CM Punk

Edge, Randy Orton, Johnny Nitro, Mike Knox, Gregory Helms

This is Punk’s first major match and Jeff is IC Champion. DX plays to the crowd for a LONG time before the heel entrances. The fans of course LOVE Punk, so he gets to ask if the fans are ready. I believe Helms, the current Cruiserweight Champion, is feuding with Matt Hardy at this point. Knox has some chick named Kelly Kelly with him and at the moment, she’s an exhibitionist. Rated-RKO are the Raw Champions too so most of the gold in the company is in this match.

HHH asks Kelly to flash him and has Shawn cover his eyes. Knox comes in to stop it, Shawn kicks him in the face to eliminate him. Shawn to HHH: “Who was that guy?” Points for a funny bit if nothing else. Nitro comes in to speed things up but Shawn slides to the floor and puts his arm around Melina. We’ve got a comedy match here. Off to Jeff who works on the arm of Nitro. Apparently these two have been feuding a bit too lately.

Off to Matt so the Hardys can hit some nice double team stuff. Nitro finally gets in a shot to the face and it’s off to Helms. Matt is slammed off the top and it’s off to Edge to stomp on Matt. Well that’s appropriate. Back to Helms for a suplex and it’s immediately off to Orton. After some very basic stuff, here’s Nitro again so Melina can SCREECH. Matt hooks the Side Effect and there’s the tag to Punk. Punk immediately starts his strikes and hits the knee/bulldog in the corner.

Nitro blocks the Rock Bottom but the second attempt (with an assist from Matt) sets up the Vice for the tap out. Edge comes in to face Punk and you can feel the internet’s orgasm coming (pun intended). Punk pounds on him in the corner but Orton guillotines Punk on the top rope to give the heels their first advantage. Randy comes in and hits a dropkick for two before it’s back to Helms. After some knees to the face, Helms hits a one knee Codebreaker to put Punk down.

Back to Orton for a slugout with Punk, resulting in the RKO taking Punk down. Why Randy can’t cover immediately isn’t quite clear but Shawn makes the save anyway. Edge gets the tag but spears the buckle. JR: “That middle turnbuckle isn’t in the match!” Hot tag brings in HHH to face Helms and the beating is on fast. A facebuster puts Helms down but the Edge-O-Matic breaks up the Pedigree. Everything breaks down and Jeff and Shawn dive on Rated-RKO.

Matt comes in with the Twist on Helms followed by a Swanton to make it 5-2. The heels take their belts and walk but the Hardys will have none of that. Team DX take turns beating up both members and it’s Sweet Chin Music to eliminate Edge. So it’s Orton vs. five guys now and Randy tries to run, but the Hardys and Punk stop him. Back in and it’s Chin Music and the Pedigree to complete the sweep.

Rating: C-. This was entertaining but when you consider the captains were in a pretty big feud, this is kind of a questionable ending. The guy that gets the big rub here is Punk, as he goes from a guy on the C show to rubbing elbows with two of the biggest stars ever and one of the best tag teams ever. Fun match here but it didn’t really accomplish much.

We recap Kennedy vs. Undertaker. Basically Kennedy wants to break the legend of Taker, or about the same thing as about half the feuds Taker has had in years. It’s a first blood tonight because Kennedy busted Taker open on Smackdown recently. Kennedy got a blood bath from Taker’s magic powers.

Kennedy isn’t worried but MVP comes up and notices the vasoline on Kennedy’s forehead. Apparently these two are friends.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

I keep typing Anderson instead of Kennedy. Kennedy immediately drops to the floor to try to get an early advantage, but as soon as they get back in Taker punches him down. We head back to the floor and Kennedy gets punched over the announce table with Taker in total control. We head to the crowd and Taker hits a pair of headbutts. Back to ringside and Kennedy gets in his first big move by sending Taker into the steps.

Kennedy tries to dive off the apron but gets caught and rammed into the post. This has been almost all Taker so far. We head back in and Taker busts out a freaking superplex to put Kennedy down. The offense looks good but don’t you need to go for the head? I don’t know if internal bleeding counts but it’s the best I can come up with. Kennedy hits Taker low but Taker immediately comes back with a kick to the face.

A buckle was taken off somewhere in there by Kennedy but Taker sends him into it twice in a row. Kennedy kicks Taker low again and Kennedy is bleeding from the mouth. He rolls to the floor before the referee can see it and here’s MVP with a towel to clean up the blood. They start to walk away, but MVP throws Kennedy back in the ring which is payback for Kennedy doing the same thing to MVP on Smackdown.

Taker pounds away in the corner but Kennedy drops him face first on the exposed buckle. Kennedy starts pounding away but MVP brings in a chair to hit….someone, but it winds up hitting Taker and busts him open to give Kennedy the upset win. The fans boo that out of the building because Taker is such a legend at this point.

Rating: C. This was a decent brawl but the ending, which was to advance Taker/Kane vs. MVP/Kennedy, kind of sucks. The feud just never worked because at the end of the day, it’s two guys who are career midcarders at this point against two former world champions who can beat up anyone. Kennedy never got to the point where they wanted him to be due to various reasons, but this is the fifth former world champion he had beaten.

Kennedy beats up Taker post match but Taker snaps up and pounds him down as well. Taker WHACKS him with the chair to get a gasp from the crowd. JBL LOSES IT as Kennedy gets beaten up even more and tombstoned.

Buy Piper’s DVD! No really, that one is worth checking out. Stay FAR away from his book though. It’s HORRIBLE.

Sharmell tells Booker to be excited because tonight is Batista’s last chance.

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

John Cena, Kane, Bobby Lashley, Sabu, Rob Van Dam

Big Show, Test, MVP, Finlay, Umaga

Let’s see. It’s Philadelphia and we’ve got Sabu and RVD on one team. Who do you think the fans are going to be cheering for? Cena is Raw World Champion and Big Show is ECW Champion. Umaga is still undefeated and a monster. Naturally Cena is booed out of the building. Cena and Umaga start things off with Cena knocking Umaga to the floor. Everything breaks down and Umaga gets a monitor to knock out RVD for a DQ. Umaga also destroys the rest of Team Cena because that’s what savages do.

We finally get down to Finlay vs. RVD but it’s quickly off to Test for some bland big man power stuff. Back to Irish dude for some stomping and then to really mix things up, MVP comes in and stomps as well. Van Dam is bleeding from the mouth as MVP puts on a chinlock. Rob comes back with a cradle for two and a spin kick to take MVP down. Van Dam kicks all of the heels including a LOUD one to Finlay. Test tries to ram RVD into the post but since he’s big and dumb, Test’s head goes into it instead. Kane chokeslams MVP and the Five Star gets the pin for Rob.

While Van Dam is getting up, Test immediately comes in and kicks his head off to make it 4-3. Test gets sent to the floor and Lashley spears him down, followed by a tornado DDT from Sabu back inside for the pin. Show immediately chokeslams Sabu to make it 3-2 and it’s time for the giants to fight. Oh joy indeed. They both grabs chokeslam grips but here’s Hornswoggle (the Little Bastard at the moment) for a distraction. Finlay clocks Kane with that club that I can’t spell so Show can pin Kane after a chokeslam. Starting with MVP’s pin, those five eliminations all came within less than two minutes. I didn’t skip anything in there.

To recap, it’s Show/Finlay vs. Cena/Lashley. Cena comes in to face the monster but is immediately taken down. Off to Finlay for a clothesline and some good old fashioned cheating. Show sends Cena flying off a headbutt and it’s back to the heel corner. After more of a beating, Cena fights them both off and makes the hot tag to Lashley. Powerslam is escaped but a spear puts Finlay down for two.

A double clothesline from Show puts Cena and Lashley down and here’s Horny again. Cena loads him up in the FU and in the distraction, Lashley spears Finlay down to make it 2-1. Both good guys take their turns on Show including stuff like double DDTs and double suplexes. JR calls Cena cock strong and I don’t want to know what that one means. Lashley breaks up the chokeslam with a spear and the FU gets the final pin.

Rating: D. As I was writing that, it felt like I was just saying what was happening and nothing special was going on. The reason it felt like nothing was going on was because nothing was going on. This match was as paint by numbers as you could ever ask for and that makes for a VERY dull match. Cena hitting the FU on Show is always worth seeing, but this didn’t work at all.

JR says that Lashley is debuting at Survivor Series tonight which is flat out wrong. To be a bit fair though, JR wasn’t on commentary for that match last year.

The Extreme Elimination Chamber is coming.

We recap Booker T vs. Batista. Booker won the King of the Ring and became a king with a bad British accent before winning the title off Rey Mysterio. He kept cheating to beat Batista and tonight is Big Dave’s last shot at the title unless he wins. Batista never lost the title in the first place and had to drop it due to injury, so tonight is his last chance to regain what he thinks is still his.

Before the match, Teddy comes out and says that if Booker gets counted out or DQ’ed, he loses the title.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Booker T

Booker is defending in case you’re really stupid. Batista jumps him in the aisle and the referee says you have to get it in the ring. Why? Batista can win the title via countout, so no he doesn’t need to get it in the ring. Booker fires off some chops in the corner and is immediately punched in the face for his efforts. A suplex puts Booker down but he escapes an early Batista Bomb attempt.

After Booker gets back in, Batista hits a clothesline for two. This isn’t really working so far. Booker finally comes back with a hot shot to take over before slingshotting Batista’s throat into the bottom rope. Batista comes back with some right hands but Booker pokes him in the eye. We’re about five minutes into this and it’s not clicking at all. Big Dave comes out of nowhere with a side slam for two followed by a Jackhammer. Why has no one made that a finisher since Goldberg? It’s a good power move but no one uses it really. That’s very odd.

A Boss Man Slam gets two for Batista and they head to the apron to slug it out. Cole brings up a good question: what happens if there’s a double countout or double DQ? Presumably it would be a draw and Booker keeps the title? Right? A Sharmell distraction lets Booker take over as JBL goes on a tirade about Teddy Long being racist. Side kick puts Batista down for two. We hit a chinlock to fill in some time which is probably the last thing they should do right now. Batista comes back with some right hands and a belly to belly suplex for two.

Batista cranks things up and knocks Booker to the floor before sending him into the steps. Back in and a top rope shoulder gets two. The spinebuster gets the same but Booker grabs the Bookend for two. Batista comes back with the Batista Bomb but the champ grabs the rope. Sharmell gives Booker the title, Batista takes it from him and clocks Booker with it, new champion. Yep that’s really how this ends. Not with a Batista Bomb, but with Batista cheating.

Rating: D-. A horrible match to end a horrible show is always appropriate. Batista getting the title back was probably the right move as he was insanely over and hadn’t been champion since January. This match didn’t work at all though and it was the last time Booker would be near the world title, which is probably a good thing if he’s as bad as he looked here.

Overall Rating: D-. When the second best match of your show is a group of guys in their late fifties or early sixties beating up male cheerleaders for ten minutes, your show is in trouble. There’s NOTHING worth seeing here at all and this show sucked. The other odd thing here is where the time went.

This show runs about two hours and forty minutes and the longest match (main event) doesn’t break fourteen minutes. There’s no big segment on it either so I have no idea where the time went. Other than the main event nothing is awful but there’s nothing worth watching. Either way, this is an awful show and probably the worst since the 90s.

Ratings Comparison

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Original: B

Redo: D+

Mickie James vs. Lita

Original: B

Redo: D

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

Original: B

Redo: C-

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

Redo: C

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

Original: D+

Redo: D

Batista vs. Booker T

Original: D-

Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D-

WHAT WAS I THINKING ON THOSE EARLIER MATCHES???

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/15/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2006-who-thought-batista-vs-booker-was-a-good-idea/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Smackdown
Date: November 6, 2012
Location: LG Arena, Birmingham, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

This is one of those cockamamie live Smackdowns that almost no one watches because there’s no reason to care about Smackdown. The main event for tonight is Del Rio vs. Orton, because we need it hammered into our heads that we wasted our time watching the three Barrett vs. Orton matches. Other than that there’s nothing announced for this week. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap from last night with the Survivor Series elimination match being shifted around.

Here’s Sheamus in the ring to open things up. Apparently there was an incident in a pub last night and we’ve got footage of it. It shows Regal, Sheamus and Big Show in a pub and a brawl breaks out. Show destroys Sheamus using various furniture. Back in the arena, Sheamus tells Cole to get out of the ring. He doesn’t respect Show because of Regal getting attacked in the pub, so Sheamus wants to fight right now. Not for the title, but just to fight.

Instead Show pops up on screen and calls Sheamus an ungrateful ginger. Show held back in the pub but at Survivor Series Show is going to go at Sheamus full speed. Sheamus calls him out again but here’s Barrett instead. Barrett says that Sheamus already has to face him on Main Event so don’t even worry about Big Show tonight. Sweet goodness just make the tag match already. Sheamus calls him to the ring again but Barrett leaves.

Barrett is in the back post match and Booker makes the tag match. Why do they bother having these ten minute openings when that’s the match announced every time? Seriously, that’s good TV time being totally wasted on pandering when you know the outcome the second the names are mentioned. It’s Sheamus/Regal vs. Show/Barrett if that’s not clear.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston

Kofi is defending. Now remember: Miz has lost three straight times to Kofi but he got a pin in a tag match. That pin after a Show punch was apparently enough to convince Booker to give us this match. The first thing said during this match is that Kofi has Miz’s number. They’re not even hiding that there’s no reason to believe Miz can win here. The ropes seem extra loose here for some reason.

After a headlock by the champion he hits a monkey flip and clothesline to put Miz on the floor. A baseball slide misses for Kofi and Miz puts him on the barricade. Kofi is fine with that and walks the barricade like Jeff Hardy used to do, hitting a clothesline to take Miz down. Back in and Miz drops Kofi out of the corner and might have hurt the champ’s knee. We take a break and come back with Miz getting two off something we didn’t see.

Miz holds onto the ankle in a hold that really doesn’t look like it hurts. During the break Miz dropped Lofi’s knee on the steps and back live a dropkick to said knee gets two. Miz hooks a weird kind of standing Figure Four before going to the mat with a generic leg lock. Kofi’s solution? Kick him in the face. Why overcomplicate things? Kofi fights back and hits the Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise is countered. The Finale is countered into a series of rollups before Miz hooks a half crab. Kofi goes up again but gets crotched. Miz’s superplex attempt is blocked and Kofi hits a top rope cross body to retain at 11:29.

Rating: C+. We get it: Kofi can beat Miz. Now why did we need to see this for a fourth time? I’ve heard the plan is to move Miz to the main event again, so the solution is to have him lose FOUR TIMES? The lack of drama hurts this, as the announcers kept harping on the 3-0 that Kofi has been since this feud started. Not a bad match but it was beating a dead horse.

Post match Miz offers a handshake (you read that right) but Kofi dropkicks him to the floor. Jerk.

Prime Time Players vs. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio

Young vs. Cara to start with Darren taking control. Titus adds his power stuff before it’s back to Young with a cravate. Titus breaks up a hot tag for a second before an enziguri from Cara lets him tag Mysterio. Rey speeds things up and ranas Titus into 619 position, only to have Darren break it up. Titus grabs a charging Rey and hits the Clash of the Titus for the pin at 3:13.

Rating: D+. At least with this feud that keeps going the teams are alternating wins. Titus and Young have charisma to them where they’re fun to watch. Mysterio and Cara are going to be popular no matter what they do, so there’s nothing for them to lose here. This was short but it was competitive enough to not be terrible.

Post match Striker tries to interview the Players, but the Players interview themselves with every answer being millions of dollars. They make Striker say it too but he’s not so enthusiastic. They try to get Striker to do the millions of dollars dance but he gets whistled at for having no rhythm and a bad mustache. The Players do the dance instead.

As this is being written, Linda McMahon has officially lost her race in the Senate.

We recap the Cena/AJ/Vickie stuff from last night and by recap, I mean show the whole thing. We’re going to get MORE footage on Raw. Good grief END THIS STUPID STORY ALREADY!

Booker and Teddy talk about the tag match tonight with Teddy saying that he made a lot of tag matches too. This turns into Booker implying Teddy is sucking up to him. Oh wait Booker is just kidding.

Big Show/Wade Barrett vs. William Regal/Sheamus

After the break, we look at the video from earlier again in case someone forgot it. BIG pop for Regal. Sheamus chases the heels to the floor before the match starts and we stall a lot. Show wants to start with Regal but both guys tag to bring in Barrett vs. Sheamus. It’s their usual power brawling stuff to start with Sheamus finally getting two off a clothesline. Off to Regal in his one piece women’s swimsuit for his usual hard stuff to Barrett’s chest. Sheamus hits the slingshot shoulder for two.

Show yells at the referee a lot and it’s back to Regal, who gets a pop on his second tag instead of the first. Regal gets his legs swept out from under him and Big Show comes in to pound him down. The heels double team the home country guy but Regal keeps fighting back. Show shoulders him right back down and puts on a nerve hold as we take a break. Back with Barrett still working over Regal before bringing Show back in.

Show works on Regal’s arm and Regal yells a lot while having an EVIL look on his face. I think JBL said that the Souvenir has been changed to the Bull Hammer now. I wouldn’t be complaining about the name change. Barrett hooks a front facelock but Regal shakes him off. That and a forearm to Barrett’s face are enough to make the tag to Sheamus who fires off a bunch of ax handles to drop Show. The top rope shoulder looks to set up the Brogue Kick but a Barrett distraction allows Show to spear Sheamus down. Off to Regal who fires on Show with everything he’s got, but the WMD knocks him silly for the pin at about 14:00.

Rating: C-. This was your standard main event tag match for the hometown audience. I’m kind of glad they didn’t have Regal get a win over either of these guys because it would have been silly to have a guy never on the show get a win over a top guy. If this were a house show it would have been fine but on TV Regal losing was the right call.

We recap the food fight last week with Orton and Del Rio.

Del Rio doesn’t have much to say but Rosa wishes him luck.

We get the Brad Maddox segment from Raw. This one is clipped though.

Orton says he’s crazy and doesn’t mind being called names by Del Rio.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton

This is falls count anywhere and anything goes, since I guess Hardcore is on the not cool list of terms now. We come back from a break but WAIT, before the match we have to look at some SyFy show to fill in more time so we don’t have a 25 minute main event. Here’s Alberto, but here’s ANOTHER recap before the bell can ring. If anything goes here, why doesn’t Ricardo come in and help Alberto?

He hands Del Rio a chair but Orton knocks it away from Alberto. The chair gets wedged between the top and middle rope in the corner but Orton dropkicks Del Rio to the floor. Alberto sends him into the barricade and has to escape the Elevated DDT. They head into the crowd with Randy giving chase. Del Rio whips him into some big metal cases. They head into the concourse and we take a break.

Back with the brawl continuing in the back before they head into the arena again. Del Rio drapes him over a barricade and hits a knee lift for two. They fight back up the steps with Orton pounding him in the head. A cameraman goes down as we go to a flat area where Del Rio hits a superkick and a chair shot for two. We take another break and come back with Del Rio having steps placed in the ring. Orton fights back and they go to the floor by the stage where Orton backdrops Del Rio from the floor to the ramp for two.

Ricardo tries to choke Randy a bit and is immediately shrugged off. Orton throws Ricardo into the British phone booth on the stage and pounds on him a bit. It’s about time some of those props up there were used. Orton hits the clotheslines back in the ring and sends Del Rio into the chair that Alberto set up earlier. Del Rio sends Orton to the apron but Orton comes back with a headbutt.

There’s a table set up at ringside but Orton can’t suplex Bertie through it. Instead Alberto hits an enzugri to send Randy through it VERY slowly. That gets two on the floor and Alberto grabs a mic. He says he’s the new Apex Predator of the WWE and there’s the armbreaker. Apparently rope breaks don’t count here (yet they count in the Cell I believe) so Orton has to hit Del Rio in the head with the mic to escape. Alberto sends him shoulder first into the post and pulls the steps into position. Del Rio tries an Elevated DDT onto those steps but Randy escapes and it’s the RKO onto the steps for the pin at 21:45.

Rating: B. For a main event on free TV, this was a solid hardcore match. Does Orton ever lose matches with rules like this one had? They beat on each other really well with Orton getting the better of it for the most part, but Alberto didn’t look bad at all. Hopefully this ends the feud like traditional storytelling would dictate.

Josh’s line to close the show: “Who is the Apex Predator of the WWE?” SO WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS FREAKING MATCH??? Orton just beat him in a brutal match but we’re still not sure? And they wonder why no one is interested in their stories anymore.

Overall Rating: C. The main event was good but the rest of the show was only ok. Te real problem here is that Smackdown adds absolutely nothing to WWE anymore. It’s a lot of matches you different versions of on Raw and a big tag match that doesn’t mean anything outside of England. On top of that you get long recaps from Raw and that’s it. Seriously, what else is there on Smackdown? Oh there’s that wacky Teddy and Booker bantering.

This show is worthless anymore and the rating is going to bomb with the election being tight at the moment. But hey, when you have a ton of bad stuff on Raw, the solution is to just air it again right? Tonight’s episode did not need to be on Tuesday and it’s not going to mean anything, as these feuds are the same ones you get on Raw. Why the WWE thinks people want to see them again on Tuesday/Friday is beyond me, but what do I know?

Results

Kofi Kingston b. The Miz – Cross Body

Prime Time Players b. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio – Clash of the Titus to Rey

Big Show/Wade Barrett b. Sheamus/William Regal – WMD to Regal

Randy Orton b. Alberto Del Rio – RKO onto steel steps

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 5, 2012
Location: LG Arena, Birmingham, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross

We’re in England for another taped show here which usually don’t come off all that well. Survivor Series is in less than two weeks and while we have a main event not, it doesn’t really mean anything overall. The main issue tonight is finding out why Brad Maddox screwed Ryback out of the title at HIAC which is apparently opening the show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of last week’s show with the announcement of the teams.

Earlier today (like the rest of the show), Miz asked Heyman what kind of a leader runs away from his team. Heyman says it’s the Art of War….and Miz QUITS the team!

Theme song.

We get a stupid narrator doing a voiceover about the stuff with Vickie and Cena last week. STOP DOING THIS ON WRESTLING SHOWS! IT SOUNDS FREAKING DUMB!

Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/R-Truth vs. Prime Time Players/Antonio Cesaro

So much for Maddox starting the show I guess. Cesaro and Truth Tout to each other that they don’t like each other. Seriously? We go from Gabriel and Kidd to R-Truth? That’s the best they’ve got? The masked dudes make fun of the Players’ dance which is always funny. Cesaro and Cara start things off here and Antonio takes it to the mat. Cara will have none of that and nips up before hitting a quick rana to take Cesaro down. Off to Young vs. Truth with Darren getting in trouble fast.

Titus and Rey come in and the masked guys hit stereo kicks to a seated Titus for two. Truth does the same with a low dropkick for two and all six guys stare at each other as we go to a break. Back with Cara jumping in to hit Young in the arm before firing off forearms. Cara slips going up the ropes for the armdrag but it didn’t look terrible. Rey loads up the 619 on Young but Cesaro makes a blind tag and picks off Rey into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.

That gets two and here’s Titus for a series of backbreakers. Cesaro’s gutwrench sets up a front facelock on Rey but Mysterio sends him into the corner. Everything breaks down and Truth hits a suplex into a Stunner on Cesaro for two. Young’s gutbuster is escaped by Cara and it’s a 619 and Little Jimmy from Truth to pin Cesaro at 7:50 shown of 10:50.

Rating: C. Not bad here but this thing about Truth and Cesaro “developing a rivalry” that fast is a joke. No, Touting about each other and being in a six man doesn’t develop a rivalry. It means they’re setting up a match at Survivor Series and nothing else. Stop overhyping everything immediately as it makes things sound stupid. The match was fine.

Lawler is back next week.

We recap Vickie/Cena from last week again.

Here’s Vickie with some IRON CLAD video evidence of the affair between Cena and AJ. She shows us the SAME VIDEOS FROM LAST WEEK. GOOD FREAKING GRIEF WE AREN’T THIS FREAKING STUPID! Cena comes out before the new video is shown to interrupt Vickie and make fun of her a bit. “Vickie Guerrero running a clean show isn’t going to happen. It’s like me learning a new move. I’ve got five and that’s it.”

Cena brings up Vickie’s relationships with Edge and Ziggler but Vickie doesn’t seem to care. We get the video of AJ in a robe going into someone’s room but we can’t see who. Cena says that proves nothing but we get a clip of Cena in a towel coming out of the same room to get something. Cena says the footage is bogus and Vickie says the lies are exhausting. They’re not the only things kid.

Vickie wants AJ to come out here but she gets AJ on the screen instead. AJ says Vickie doesn’t want her out here because it’ll result in the beating of Vickie’s life and AJ will get fired. Ziggler pops up and puts his arm around AJ and implies she’s a w****. That’s it…again. As in YET AGAIN nothing happens in this story.

Heyman recruits Barrett (POP) to replace Miz. That would actually make sense so I doubt it’ll happen. Yep, Barrett turns him down because he doesn’t trust Heyman. Barrett steps off camera and immediately comes back on, saying he’ll join the team but Heyman owes him. Heyman says ok.

Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes

HELL NO gets one of the biggest pops of the night. Feeling out process to start until Bryan moonsaults out of the corner and starts firing off the kicks. Cody gets backdropped to the floor where Sandow jumps Kane. Bryan actually stands up for his partner by hitting the suicide dive to take out Sandow. Cody hits the Disaster Kick off the apron….and slides Bryan in for the Cross Rhodes and pin at 1:55? Great way to kill your hot crowd WWE.

Cody brags about the win and says Sandow could do the same to Bryan just as easily. Kane pulls Damien in, and apparently we’re doing the EXACT SAME THING that the Players and Mysterio/Cara did last week. Are they THIS bankrupt for ideas?

Kane vs. Damien Sandow

This is joined in progress after a break with Kane in control. Sandow gets in some offense but Kane is like boy please and knocks him back down. Bryan and Cody get into a fight on the floor and get ejected. Back to the match with Kane still in control. A side slam puts Sandow down and the chokeslam gets the pin clean at 3:58.

Rating: D+. Yep, it’s exactly the same thing they did a week ago with those other two tag teams, even down to the traded finishes. I’m utterly amazed at how creatively bankrupt this company seems anymore as it’s like they’re not even trying to do something interesting anymore. Between doing the exact same thing in back to back weeks and the STUPID AJ/Vickie/Cena thing and TOUTING to each other being grounds for a title feud, this first hour has been rather stupid so far.

Here’s Cole to talk to referee Brad Maddox. Naturally we have to see a video of something before we can advance though. I need to time how long we spend on recaps one week. Cole asks if Maddox is working with Heyman and Punk, but Brad says it’s all him. All his life, all he’s wanted to do is be a WWE Superstar. The fans keep chanting Feed Me More so this is taking a good while to get through. Maddox says he’s tried to get his foot in the door but it’s been shut over and over. He’s sent tapes everywhere and even once paid two grand for a tryout.

After all that, he was given a chance with a developmental contract. Even in developmental he wasn’t good enough because he doesn’t look right or wasn’t big enough or because he can’t flip enough. WWE told him he’d never get to the main roster but he wouldn’t let his dream die. He said he’d do whatever it took to get to the WWE, so he became a referee. When Raw got expanded to 3 hours, he only needed one chance to make an impact.

Maddox reiterates that Punk had nothing to do with it but Punk was shocked. Ryback and Punk and everyone else noticed him though and he’s famous. Maddox wants to face Ryback. Oh dear I hope that doesn’t actually happen. Here’s Vince to say that he doesn’t believe what Maddox is saying, but he offers Maddox a million dollar contract if he can beat Ryback next week.

Maddox gets out of the ring and Vince says hang on a second and goes to the back. He comes back with Vickie and asks her if she believes Punk was involved somehow. Vince leans on her a bit and she says she agrees, so Vince asks why Punk is getting to hide behind all these people in a Survivor Series match. Instead it should be a title defense against…..Dolph Ziggler? Vince says that’s the wrong answer so it’s now Punk defending against Ryback…and Cena. So to be clear, Vince can override Vickie (he threatened to fire her) but he just doesn’t for some reason most of the time. Good to know.

Sheamus vs. The Miz

Show comes out just behind Miz to watch the match. Sheamus runs Miz over to start but Miz slips down to the floor to avoid the forearms on the apron. Cole brings up the White Noise from last week and Show yells a lot. Miz pounds away in the corner but Sheamus comes back with the Regal Roll. The pale one drapes Miz over the top rope and pounds on him with the forearms to knock Miz to the floor. Sheamus gets sent into the announce table and Miz takes over.

Back in and Miz hits a kick to the chest and puts on a chinlock as we take a break. Back with Miz hitting a top rope ax handle for two. Off to a chinlock as Show torments Cole some more. Sheamus suplexes out of the hold but walks into the Reality Check. Miz’s corner clothesline is countered by the ax handle to the face. A knee lift looks to set up White Noise but Sheamus has to settle for a powerslam instead.

The top rope shoulder gets two for Sheamus but White Noise is countered again. The short DDT gets two and Show double dog dares Cole to bring up the 45 seconds reign. Miz avoids the Cloverleaf and the Brogue Kick, but Sheamus escapes the Finale and hits White Noise. Brogue Kick gets the pin at 14:40.

Rating: C. So. Freaking. What. That can sum up this entire show. Sheamus beats up Miz which is the only logical solution as Miz has nothing going on right now and we’re supposed to believe that a win over Miz means ANYTHING anymore. Sheamus vs. Show is probably the best story going on right now and even that is nothing special whatsoever. As I said, this whole show seems like it doesn’t matter at all.

Vickie comes out of Vince’s office to talk to Dolph It’s officially Team Ziggler at Survivor Series. Punk comes up to claim a conspiracy and goes on a rant about Vince. Tonight it’s Ziggler/Punk vs. Ryback/Cena. Great. ANOTHER worthless tag match.

Regal and Sheamus talk in the back and nothing is said.

We get almost the entire AJ/Vickie/Cena segment from earlier.

Eve Torres/Aksana vs. Layla/Kaitlyn

Aksana makes me feel better if nothing else. Aksana and Layla start things off with Layla grabbing a quick rollup for two. Layla tries her bouncing cross body out of the corner and thankfully Aksana decks her while she’s bouncing to take over. A kick to the face gets two for Aksana and it turns into kind of a fist fight which goes nowhere for the British chick.

Off to Eve for a front facelock to keep things slow. Eve kicks away Kaitlyn’s hand to stop the tag in a nice touch. The bouncing moonsault from Eve is blocked by Layla and there’s the hot tag to Kaitlyn. Everything breaks down and Eve hits that neckbreaker on Layla but Kaitlyn hits a bad reverse DDT for the pin on Eve at 4:58.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t as bad as most of their matches have been lately. Again it helps that they’re giving them some extra time, which sounds simple but it gives them more practice. When you literally triple the amount of time they’re getting on TV a week, the amount of practice also triples. It’s still nothing to get excited about, but it’s notably better than it was.

Alberto yells at Ricardo in the back when Rosa literally bumps into him. They both seem interested by the other.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

During the entrance, we get clips of Orton and Del Rio fighting in the catering area on Smackdown. Has there been a match without a recap during the entrance so far tonight? Del Rio knocks Kofi down but Kingston comes back with a jumping back elbow. The announcers talk about who is going to be the new fifth member of Foley’s team. Is there a reason why Foley is involved at this point? Alberto pounds away in the corner and knocks Kofi to the floor.

Back in and Del Rio hits a double stomp and a suplex for two followed by a body scissors. Alberto works on the arm as this is dragging along. Kofi avoids a charge and Del Rio’s shoulder hits the post now. The fans are pretty dead for this. Some dropkicks put Alberto down and there’s the Boom Drop. The armbreaker is countered and the SOS gets two for Kofi. Kofi misses a springboard cross body….and here’s Orton. Well his music at least, allowing Kofi to roll up Del Rio for the pin at 7:45.

Rating: C-. This match felt like it went on for about twenty minutes instead of just under eight. Ignoring the idea of Kofi, the IC Champion, needing help from Orton to get a rollup win, the match was really dull with Del Rio continuing to be boring in the ring with his really basic arm work. Nothing to see here.

Orton comes in and hits the RKO on Del Rio post match.

We recap the Brad Maddox and Vince thing from earlier.

Santino Marella/Zack Ryder vs. Epico/Primo

Primo vs. Santino to start things off with marella taking him to the mat. Santino asks for a break and Santino starts marching around the ring. Off to an armbar by Marella and there’s the tag to Ryder. Zack misses a cross body and the cousins take over with stomping in the corner. Ryder grabs a rollup but Santino is arguing with the referee for some reason. Epico comes in and hits a dropkick for two. Off to the chinlock for a few seconds before Ryder escapes a suplex and hits a neckbreaker. There’s the tag to Santino and everything breaks down. Santino busts out the Cobra and lays out Epico for the pin 5:05.

Rating: D. Another boring match here which went on too long. I’ll give them this: they’ve developed a lower card for the tag teams now. This one was for the crowd though as the fans love Ryder and Santino. The match was fine enough I guess, but this show has been so draining already that it’s hard to care.

Brodus Clay vs. Wade Barrett

Brodus’ face looks different. Did he have facial hair and I never noticed it? Brodus hits his suplex and a legdrop for two. Barrett comes back with the Boss Man Slam and it’s off to a chinlock. Brodus hits a splash in the corner but a second one misses and it’s the Souvenir for the pin at 2:58. Just an extended squash.

Heath Slater vs. Jey Uso

THE USOS ARE STILL ALIVE! Slater plays the guitar to start but Jey charges into a boot in the corner. Slater plays more guitar and it’s off to a chinlock. Jey fights back but it’s time to hit that chinlock again. Back up and a side kick to the face gets two for Heath. There’s the third incarnation of the chinlock but Jey fights up and hits a superkick. Then he stands around before doing anything. A top rope splash hits knees and Slater hits an inverted DDT for the pin at 3:58. The DDT is called the Smash Hit apparently.

Rating: D. I love the 3MB. They’re so stupid and goofy and they’re exactly what these horribly boring Raw’s need. They’re the kind of act where you can totally turn your brain off and just have fun for about five minutes. Their promos are hilarious and they make the show fun for just a few moments. I mean, we can do that on anything else on the show, so take it where you can get it. Also the DDT is a way better move than that sleeper drop Slater used forever.

Here’s Punk before the main event with something to say. He talks about how he beat Ryback but people are trying to taint his victory because of Maddox. Punk says he’s going to get screwed by Vince at Survivor Series but he’ll win anyway because he’s the best in the world. We’re at 351 days, so Survivor Series is a big moment for him.

CM Punk/Dolph Ziggler vs. Ryback/John Cena

Cena vs. Punk starts things off and they fight over a top wristlock. It’s quickly off to Ziggler who gets caught in a surfboard submission. A bulldog puts Ziggler down and it’s off to Punk who is hiptossed for two. Double teaming puts Cena down and Ziggler drops about ten elbows for a two count. Back to Punk for a kick to the back of Cena’s head for two. Punk works on the arm but Cena hits an AA out of nowhere to put Punk down.

Back to Dolph who gets two off a Fameasser as does Punk off a neckbreaker. An electric chair puts Punk down again and it’s back to Ziggler. Dolph goes up but misses a missile dropkick and there’s the hot tag to Ryback to face Punk. Ryback destroys both guys and Meathooks Ziggler to the floor. Another Meathook puts Punk down and the Shell Shock gets the pin at 10:12.

Rating: C. This was your normal main event tag and it’s so cute that they want us to believe that Ryback has a chance in the main event of the PPV. Cena is there so they can keep the title on Punk without having Ryback get pinned again, because the stupid Rock vs. Punk match needs to happen, because….screw it. This is freaking dumb and having the match set seven months in advance was STUPID because no matter what Punk does, he’s never near Rock or Cena’s level and no one is going to believe Punk has a chance against Rock, but in modern WWE, who freaking cares because that’s what they want to do.

Ryback and Cena stare at each other to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The wrestling on this show, while long and drawn out at times, was mostly fine with some decent matches, but at the end of the day the show falls apart in the third hour when it’s clear that they’re filling in time however they can. The fact that they’ve changed the entire top of the card of the PPV a week later tells me they have no idea what they’re doing and no plan at all. Tonight’s show felt like it should have ended at about 10pm and the last few matches just dragged and dragged, which isn’t something you want to see.

I have no idea what they think they’re going to do to fix things, but if they think Rock is the solution to all of their problems, they’re in trouble. WWE has been able to turn it on in a single night before, but this is as bad as I can remember it being. It’s like they have no clue what they want to do or where any of this is going. Cena and Vickie’s feud is now thrown into a world title match which has nothing to do with Vickie and Ziggler is in the Survivor Series match to somehow feud with Foley who wasn’t even here tonight. This show is a huge mess anymore and a lot needs to change, starting with losing an hour.

Results

R-Truth/Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio b. Antonio Cesaro/Prime Time Players – Little Jimmy to Cesaro

Cody Rhodes b. Daniel Bryan – Cross Rhodes

Kane b. Damien Sandow – Chokeslam

Sheamus b. The Miz – Brogue Kick

Kaitlyn/Layla b. Aksana/Eve Torres – Reverse DDT to Eve

Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio – Rollup

Santino Marella/Zack Ryder b. Primo/Epico – Cobra to Epico

Wade Barrett b. Brodus Clay – Souvenir

Heath Slater b. Jey Uso – Smash Hit

Ryback/John Cena b. CM Punk/Dolph Ziggler – Shell Shock to Ziggler

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Survivor Series 1999
Date: November 14, 1999
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 18,735
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a BIG show (pun intended) as a lot of stuff happens here. We’ve got a hall of famer debuting, a new world champion, and Austin getting run over by a car, putting him out of action for about a year. Everyone remembers it for the ending and the car stuff, so maybe there’s other good stuff in here too. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about the world title match tonight which they promoted knowing that it wasn’t going to happen. Stay classy WWF.

Team Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Team Dudley Boys

Godfather, D’Lo Brown, Headbangers

Dudley Boys, Acolytes

The Dudleys are brand new, having been around maybe a month or two. This is the debut of Brown as Godfather’s partner in pimping. The Headbangers are dressed as pimps as well which is pretty funny. Bubba still has a bad stutter here which was his whole gimmick for a few months. Godfather makes fun of him to even further tick the Dudleys off. The Acolytes are freshly out of the Corporate Ministry which has broken up and are just big tough guys now.

Bubba vs. Mosh (in afro) start things off. Bubba steals said afro but things speed up and the Dudleys are in trouble. A HARD clothesline takes Mosh down and it’s off to D-Von. The Dudleys were awesome at this point and were like nothing anyone had seen in years. Even their look was totally different and it worked very well. Off to Thrasher who has an afro held on with a chinstrap.

Bradshaw comes in and pounds away on Thrasher a bit before pounding him upside the head. Thrasher misses a corner charge and the Clothesline eliminates him quickly. Off to Mosh vs. Farrooq with the latter missing a charge in the corner but not being affected by it that badly. Back to D-Von as Jerry talks about wanting ho’s for Christmas. Mosh hits the running crotch attack to D-Von’s back but it’s off to Bubba via a blind tag and the 3D puts out Mosh, making it 4-2.

Brown comes in with a forearm to the head of Bubba and a legdrop for two. For absolutely no apparent reason, Bradshaw blasts Brown with the chair for a DQ, and does the same to Bubba as well, knocking him out cold. D-Von and Farrooq both want the pin and get in a fight over it, resulting in a double countout for a double elimination despite neither of them being legal. That would be the Dudleys’ first real feud.

Back in the ring Bubba gets two on Brown as it’s apparently 2-1 now. A suplex gets two for Bubba and it’s time for the bouncing punches from Ray. Brown comes back with a Sky High for two and loads up a top rope rana, only to get caught in a middle rope sitout powerbomb for two which looked awesome. A double clothesline puts both guys down and it’s hot tag to Godfather. The Ho Train sets up the Low Down for the final elimination.

Rating: C. I remember reading someone say that Godfather was the perfect opening act because you were guaranteed a good pop whenever he was out there. The more I see of him in matches like this, the more I agree with that statement. The guy wasn’t that great or anything, but the fans loved him and he was always a fun character that you didn’t have to take too seriously. That kind of fun character is a great choice for an opener and this was a fine opener here too.

Remember that future hall of famer debuting tonight? We get a video telling us how awesome his name is and how awesome his life has been so far. His name: Kurt Angle.

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Stasiak

Stasiak is most famous for being an idiot in the Alliance and being the son of the most forgotten world champion ever in Stan Stasiak. Never heard of him? I think that proves my point. Angle has the Patriot’s old music which would become far more famous with its new owner. Angle immediately hits a fireman’s carry takeover and the boring chants start about fifteen seconds in.

They head to the mat with Angle hooking a hammerlock. The fans chant for the Redwings because someone actually wrestling in a wrestling match is an evil idea to fans in 1999. Stasiak comes back with a clothesline and a vertical suplex for two. Off to a chinlock which Kurt escapes pretty quickly. Angle comes back with a clothesline and goes to get the mic. He demands not to be booed because he’s the best in the world.

Back in and Kurt hits something like a dropkick but is put right back into the chinlock. The hold is broken again and Angle comes back with a powerslam for two. Stasiak hits a lay out F5 but misses a top rope cross body. The Olympic Slam gets the pin and starts the hottest rookie year ever in wrestling.

Rating: D+. For a debut, this wasn’t great. However, this would be the start of one of one of the best careers of all time. Angle being serious wasn’t the right choice for him and it wasn’t until he became a total goof that took himself WAY too seriously while being stupid at the same time that he became the awesome Kurt that we know and love. It helped that he could go with anyone in the ring too.

We get a clip from earlier on Heat where HHH called Austin and Rock to the ring in an attempted ambush but the combined forces of Road Dogg and X-Pac didn’t stop two of the biggest stars ever. He wasn’t quite the Cerebral Assassin yet.

Team Val Venis vs. Team British Bulldog

Val Venis, Mark Henry, Gangrel, Steve Blackman

British Bulldog, Mean Street Posse

Even JR says that Val’s team has nothing in common at all. The Posse is a group of three guys from Greenwich, Connecticut who wear sweater vests and never won a match that wasn’t a hardcore match that they won by mistake. I have no idea why this match exists but my guess is “we have no idea what else to do with these fifteen minutes.” Bulldog is European Champion here which is likely a title Val wants.

The captains start things off and after some quick offense from both, it’s off to Pete Gas (the Posse was Rodney, Pete Gas and Joey Abs). Pete is scared to death of having to actually wrestle so it’s back to Bulldog. Once Venis is down it’s off to Pete who hits a slingshot to send Val chest first into the buckle. A belly to back suplex gets two for Pete as Jerry asks where JR would get nice clothes in Oklahoma. JR: “Arkansas.” Off to Blackman for the only thing he could do: martial arts. A bicycle kick gets the quick elimination for Blackman.

Off to Rodney who has even less luck against Blackman, immediately getting taken down. Gangrel comes in who gets caught in a crucifix for two before Gangrel realizes he’s fighting Rodney. He pounds on the Posse dude, shrugs off a cheap shot from Joey, and plants Rodney with the implant DDT (Edgecution) for the elimination. Joey, by far the best of the three Posse members, comes in and gets to face Mark Henry. Joey actually hits a hot shot on Henry but crotches himself on the middle rope. Mark does about what you would expect him to and splashes him for the pin.

So it’s 4-1 now and Bulldog comes in to fight Henry. Mark runs Bulldog over with ease and it’s off to Gangrel. Gangrel goes up top and is immediately crotched and superplexed down to make it 3-1. Blackman is in next but he misses a middle rope headbutt. He argues with the referee and gets caught in a fisherman’s suplex to make it Henry/Val vs. Bulldog. Val gets to start but it’s quickly a double team. Jerry: “Hey what’s this?” JR: “Well it looks like Mark Henry and Val Venis double teaming the Bulldog King.” Val gets sent to the floor but Henry splashes Bulldog, allowing Val to come in off the top with the Money Shot for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was as worthless as it was advertised. The Posse is one of those groups that is funny in retrospect but at the time they were wasting PPV time when there had to have been better options for this spot. Venis would have been a bigger deal a year ago so I’m not quite sure why he was in this spot either. Little trivia note: this is the shortest four on four Survivor Series match ever, breaking the record set about 20 minutes ago.

Michael Cole walks in on the Divas locker room and has to rub oil on Ivory’s stomach. Next.

Fabulous Moolah/Mae Young/Tori/Debra vs. Ivory/Luna Vachon/Terri Runnels/Jacqueline

Thank goodness this isn’t an elimination match. For some reason Moolah and Mae were wrestling in 99 with Moolah even winning the Women’s Title at one point. Jerry’s face when Debra comes out is hilarious. Ivory is Women’s Champion at this point. Moolah jumps the champion in the aisle to start but gets shoved down for her efforts. We officially start with Tori vs. Jackie but Luna comes in for some double teaming.

Keep in mind that Tori is a wrestler in name only, Mae and Moolah combined to be over 150 years old, and Terri and Debra are there as eye candy. After less than two minutes, a double clothesline from the old chicks gives Moolah the pin on Ivory. This may have been the worst idea this side of the birth of a hand. This is what Raw is for people.

Moolah and Ivory “brawl” post match.

X-Pac lists off everything wrong with Kane and says he’ll win tonight. Short and simple here.

X-Pac vs. Kane

Pac turned on Kane when they were partners, starting a feud that went on for MONTHS. X-Pac eventually stole Kane’s girlfriend Tori as well, turning her into a smoking hot valet instead of a smoking hot bad wrestler. Earlier today, Tori and Kane said they don’t take what X-Pac has done personally. Kane has the awesome inverted tights colors tonight. Pac jumps Kane during the entrance and we start fast.

Kane no sells all of the shots to his head. I’ve always wondered if the mask is supposed to absorb the offense from the other guy. Kane chokes away and uppercuts Pac down for no cover. Kane goes up but Pac dropkicks him in the head on the way up in a nice counter. We head to the floor for a bit where Pac sends him into the post to take over. Kane comes back with an uppercut but gets kicked in the head to take him back down.

More kicking slows Kane down but the Bronco Buster is countered by a hand around the throat. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker puts Pac down and there’s the top rope clothesline. There’s the chokeslam but Road Dogg comes in to break up the pin. Kane stalks the Dogg to the floor but walks into the X-Factor for two. The tombstone is loaded up but HHH comes in with the world title shot to the head to draw the DQ.

Rating: C+. I liked this a lot more than most matches that X-Pac had going on at this time. The problem was that Pac would win all of his matches against monsters and it would get more and more unrealistic every time. Here though Kane took a lot of offense from Pac but it didn’t really hurt him, which is what made this much better. The feud would go on WAY too long though.

Post match Kane gets beaten down until Tori comes out. Pac kicks Tori in the face and Kane snaps, sending DX “scattering like quail” according to JR.

The Rock says nothing because HHH shows up and they brawl.

Big Show vs. Mideon/Viscera/Big Boss Man/Prince Albert

This was supposed to be Big Show and Kaientai and Blue Meanie but Show beat them up so he could do this himself. This is during Boss Man vs. Big Show, which is based around Boss Man making fun of Show for having his dad die (kayfabe). It led to a bad moment at a “funeral” where Boss Man stole the coffin and dragged Show along the ground on top of the coffin with a car. Show chokes Albert to the floor and chokeslams Mideon for the pin in less than 20 seconds. Albert is gone 10 seconds later to a chokeslam, as is Big Visc. Boss Man is like screw this and walks out. Show wins in less than 90 seconds.

Austin is in the back but HHH comes up to attack him too. HHH runs away with Austin chasing after him. Austin winds up in a parking garage and is run over by a car which speeds away. This was the way that Austin was written off TV for the better part of a year to have major neck surgery. He had needed it forever but it wasn’t until now when the company could afford to let him off for that long.

The question would eventually be who ran him over, and it would eventually be revealed as Rikishi in one of the biggest WHAT WERE THEY THINKING moments ever. Test, Stephanie, Vince and eventually HHH show up to look at Austin with most of them being concerned. JR goes to see him as well. Vince accuses HHH and DX but they deny any involvement.

Intercontinental Title: Chyna vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho has only been around a few months and is challenging here. Chyna has Miss Kitty here who isn’t even hiding that she’s T&A here, coming out in a bikini and that’s it. Oh and boots. It’s a brawl to start and Kitty is shoved down because Jericho is a jerk. They head to the floor with Jericho’s knees going into the steps, but Chyna misses a dive off said steps to give the Canadian control.

Back in and Jericho gets hot shotted onto the ropes and put in the Tree of Woe. Chyna tries a German but Jericho kicks her low….with no effect because Chyna isn’t a guy. A standing rana takes Jericho down but he pops back up and clotheslines her to the floor. The springboard dive takes Chyna out again as JR talks about not being into the match due to what happened to Austin. For once this is an acceptable statement.

Jericho throws Chyna over the announce table and pours water over her head because Jericho is a jerk. Back in and a missile dropkick gets two for Jericho as does a small package for Chyna. Chyna tries to make a comeback but Jericho bulldogs him down for two and a BIG face pop. A spinwheel kick puts Chyna down and Jericho is swaggering. A clothesline puts Chyna on the floor and Kitty gets kissed.

Chyna comes back with a spear and posts Jericho as the crowd noticeably gets quieter. Back in and Jericho hits a layout powerbomb for two and Jericho is getting frustrated. Lionsault misses and Chyna hits the springboard elbow and a DDT for two. With about two minutes left, Lawler mentions a stipulation that Jericho will get a sex change if he loses. Keep those priorities straight guys.

With the referee down, a belt shot to the head gets two for Chris but Chyna comes back with a Pedigree for two of her own. Jericho puts her in the Walls but Chyna finally makes the rope. The place boos the submission being broken. Jericho loads up a superplex but a Kitty distraction lets Chyna hit him low and a Pedigree (kind of) off the top gets the pin to retain the title.

Rating: B. This took a bit to get going but they hit a groove in that ending sequence. The most important thing here though was Jericho wrestled her like any other opponent rather than making a spectacle out of her being a woman. These two would stay at it for awhile until Chyna went nuts and eventually started wrestling women, which was the downfall of her career. Well that and being nuts and HHH breaking up with her, but that’s another story.

HHH comes in to see Shane, Stephanie and Test. He still denies having anything to do with it but wants to know if the match is now one on one. Shane says he’ll think of something. Note that Test is there with Shane.

Team Too Cool vs. Team Edge/Christian

Too Cool, The Hollys

Edge/Christian, Hardy Boys

This is just after the Hardys and the Canadians had the first tag team ladder match which would launch them into stardom soon after. Too Cool is still stupid here, as opposed to later on when they would be stupid and WAY over. The Hardys have Terri with them which wouldn’t last long. Edge and Scotty get things started as Jerry talks about Scotty’s pants. They chop it out in the corner before things speed up a bit and Edge spinwheel kicks him down.

Off to Crash vs. Matt with Matt getting two off a suplex. Crash gets crotched on the top and punched to the floor. Grandmaster sneaks up on Matt for a sunset bomb to the floor. We unleash the dives as everyone small enough to hits a big dive to take out everyone that was already on the floor with Jeff capping it off. Back in and Christian powerslams Crash for two. The Hollys hit a Hart Attack on Crash Christian for two of their own and Hardcore is in.

We’re promised an update on Austin at the end of this match because THIS MATCH of all things is more important than a guy being hit by a car. Off to Grandmaster whose bulldog is countered and he goes flying so far that he kicks the camera, giving us a cool visual. Off to Hardcore vs. Edge who starts spearing a lot of people. Grandmaster stops to dance and is immediately speared down. In the big melee, Hardcore rolls up Edge for the pin. Fifteen seconds later, Scotty hits a top rope DDT to eliminate Matt, making it 4-2.

Jeff and Scotty do a fast pinfall reversal sequence before Scotty hits the not yet popular Worm. A sitout powerbomb by Scotty with Grandmaster assisting gets two as does a middle rope missile dropkick from Sexay. Too Cool hits the second Hart Attack of the match which gets two on Jeff. Everything breaks down but the Hollys get in an argument. Terri gets on the apron for a distraction which lets Christian hit both of Too Cool low. Jeff hits a 450 on Scotty for the elimination.

So it’s Crash/Grandmaster/Hardcore Holly vs. Jeff and Christian. JR goes on a rant about Austin as Christian and Jeff try some Poetry in Motion, but Hardcore comes off the top with a missile dropkick in a SWEET looking counter. Grandmaster adds a guillotine legdrop for the elimination. Christian immediately hits a reverse DDT on Grandmaster to get us down to Christian vs. the Hollys.

JR continues to brood and want an update about Austin. Jerry needling him makes me chuckle as he’s awesome at being a jerk. Crash beats on Christian for a bit before it’s off to Hardcore again. Back to Crash who gets caught in the Unprettier/Killswitch for the pin. Christian tries a victory roll on Hardcore but Bob (Hardcore for you schmucks out there) falls on top for the final pin.

Rating: C+. The problem here was that the pairing that this should have been based around, Edge and Christian and the Hardys, were on the same team rather than getting to tear the house down against each other. The other two teams didn’t mean anything and the ending of this sucked. Once the Dudleys got involved with the brother teams, it was all gravy for almost two years.

Shane says that Vince is at the emergency room with Austin. Austin never lost consciousness but is still undergoing tests. Shane says there will be a triple threat tonight, but Austin won’t be in it. Test is there once again.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Mankind/Al Snow

The Outlaws are defending. Jerry accuses Billy of being the driver but Lawler doesn’t care at all. Mankind says Austin will get through this. Gunn and Mankind get things going with Billy getting two off a neckbreaker. We hit a sleeper like a minute in and then we look at the Head. JR and Jerry are arguing again as the guys in the ring go to th efloor, making them guys no longer in the ring.

Roadie accidentally hits Billy in the face and it’s off to Snow vs. Road Dogg. JR talks about Snow having his action figure pulled off the shelves at Wal-Mart because some stupid professor said that having a severed head included in a toy would send the wrong message to her kids about violence to women. This is going to be a quick sidebar.

First and foremost, it’s not a severed head. It’s a mannequin head and simply LOOKING AT THE FREAKING THING would tell you that. Second, if you’re concerned about what kind of impression a toy would give to your kids, either A, don’t buy it for them, or B, TELL THEM WHY YOU DON’T LIKE IT. Heaven forbid you have to tell your kid he can’t have something he wants because you deem it inappropriate. Third, and this is the part that I like best, Snow mentioned in a promo that clearly the stores care about their customers because they pulled the figure from the shelves, but the guns, bullets and knives are still on the shelves.

Anyway, now that the stupid people who can’t think before they run their mouths and have to decide how people should live their lives because apparently people aren’t smart enough to make decisions for themselves are out of the way, let’s get back to this dull match. Mankind pounds on Roadie in the corner and hits a running knee to the head. Snow pokes Road Dogg with a chair in the ribs which isn’t a DQ for some reason. Neither is the shot to Road Dogg’s back from Mankind.

Mankind hooks a reverse chinlock back in the ring followed by a lot of stomping in the corner from Al. Mankind gets two off a knee lift as things continue to go slowly. Snow hits his headbutts but Road Dogg fires off some lefts and a big right to take Snow down. Everything breaks down and the crowd is DEAD for this. They head to the floor with the Outlaws taking over.

Snow gets beaten on for awhile before clotheslining Roadie down and it’s not hot tag to Mankind. Mankind pounds away for a bit but gets caught by the Fameasser for two. Snow hits the Snow Plow on Road Dogg and here’s Socko. Both Outlaws get Clawed but they both hit Mankind low to escape. Snow hits Billy with Head to give Mankind a two count, followed quickly by the Outlaws hitting a spike piledriver on Mankind to retain.

Rating: D. This got better at the end but the twelve minutes before that were way too dull to be considered good at all. Mankind and Snow were there to fill in spots and while that’s ok, it doesn’t make for an interesting match. It didn’t help that the crowd was deader than Billy Gunn’s career for most of the match. Nothing to see here.

Since Vince is at the hospital, he won’t be refereeing the main event tonight.

We see Austin get run down again.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. HHH vs. ???

The third man is…..shockingly not Test but rather the Big Show. I mentioned Test over and over again tonight because every sign on the planet pointed to him being the guy but they went with Show instead. That’s not to say this is a horrible idea or that it doesn’t make sense because there were no clues or anything beforehand, but it was certainly a surprising pick.

Rock and HHH attack Show to start but to no avail. Show shoulder blocks them down but Rock breaks up a chokeslam on the Game. HHH is defending if that’s not clear. Rock and HHH team up to clothesline Show to the floor but Rock is quickly pulled to the floor. All three guys wind up on the floor with HHH getting dropped on the barricade. Back in and Show misses a splash in the corner and gets caught in a Russian legsweep for no cover.

The People’s Elbow gets one on Show as HHH saves. This is one fall to a finish in case you were wondering. HHH chokes Rock in the corner but Show gets back up and side slams Rock for two. Show kicks HHH to the floor and knocks the Game up the aisle. The fans don’t seem to be sure what to think of Show in this spot but they’re not bored. Rock charges up the aisle to clothesline Show down before going after HHH again.

HHH gets knocked through a production table and Rock is in control. Scratch that theory as Show comes in and beats the tar out of HHH, only to have Rock hit Show with a fire extinguisher. Rock and HHH start heading back to the ring but HHH suplexes him in the aisle. Show is back because the guy can’t be kept down. Show drops HHH on the announce table but Rock drills Show in the head with the bell. Rock and HHH hit a double suplex on Show through the table for the WHOA spot of the match.

Rock and HHH head into the crowd to brawl as this has been a wild fight for the majority of the match so far. Back to the ring and the referee gets clotheslined down by Rock by mistake. The Rock Bottom and Pedigree are both countered, the latter being countered into a catapult into the buckle. There’s the Rock Bottom but there’s no referee. Shane runs out in a referee’s shirt to count two.

Another Rock Bottom hits but Show pulls Shane out of the ring. Rock goes after Show on the floor which goes about as well as you would expect. Actually scratch that as you might expect Rock to beat Show up. Show puts him on the table and goes back into the ring to knock HHH down before going back to beat on Rock some more. Rock gets thrown into the steps and HHH has the belt, only for Shane to take it away. HHH Pedigrees Shane and they’re all back inside again. Here’s DX to go after Big Show and Rock but here’s Vince as well. He knocks HHH out with the belt and a chokeslam makes Show champion.

Rating: C-. This didn’t work that well for me at all. Show has no connection to the feud at all which hurts things a bit, but at the end of the day there was no real flow to the match at all. Show winning is a good pick as it gives some closure to the week for him where his dad died and all that, but his title reign wouldn’t work all that well due to him mainly feuding with Big Boss Man. Still though, decent moment but a bad match.

Show celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a very back and forth show as the stuff that was interesting was interesting (although not necessarily good) and the stuff that was bad and dull was VERY bad and dull. This show is much more about setting things up for the future, which is ok, but it doesn’t really do much for those of us watching this. Not really recommended, but there are some far worse shows out there.

Ratings Comparison

Team Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Team Dudley Boys

Original: B-

Redo: C

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Stasiak

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Team Val Venis vs. Team British Bulldog

Original: D+

Redo: D-

Team Mae Young vs. Team Ivory

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Kane vs. X-Pac

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Big Show vs. Team Big Boss Man

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Chyna vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: B

Team Too Cool vs. Team Edge/Christian

Original: B

Redo: C+

New Age Outlaws vs. Al Snow/Mankind

Original: D+

Redo: D

Big Show vs. HHH vs. The Rock

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: D+

I liked most of the matches better the first time and the overall rating was higher. Simple and easy, as usual.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/08/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1999-a-lot-happens-here/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews