Smackdown – February 17, 2012 – They Wouldn’t! They Couldn’t!! THEY DID!!!

Smackdown
Date: February 17, 2012
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

This is the final show before the Elimination Chamber. By the time you read this you’ll know that Orton is out of the Chamber so tonight it’s all about finding a replacement. Other than that, I wouldn’t expect a ton of stuff to be talked about. I mean it’s not like there needs to be stories for a show like this. Why should the writers need to waste time on character development or plots when they can just throw everyone in a cage and put their feet up for three weeks? Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the Show vs. Orton match from Raw. That Super DDT was kind of cool. Bryan hit Orton twice with the belt which gave him a concussion. I’ve heard conflicting reports about whether that’s a legit injury or if he was injured somewhere else and that’s their story for taking him out.

Orton is in Teddy’s office and Teddy says its out of both of their hands. Teddy can’t let him compete because he’s not medically cleared. Security is going to escort him out of the building because Teddy is concerned about his health. We’re officially told that Orton is out of the Chamber.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is procrastination.

Big Show/Great Khali vs. Wade Barrett/Cody Rhodes

Now Barrett and Rhodes lost last week, so the logical move would be to have them win here to get their heat back going into the Chamber. Barrett starts with Khali. Wade tries to kick him in the side but Khali shoves him down. Khali chops him in the corner so Barrett tags out. Cody has even less luck and tags out also.

Before he leaves though he kicks Khali in the knee which lets Barrett kick him in the head to knock him down. Cody hooks a quick chinlock but Khali shrugs him off and tags in Big Show. He cleans house and spears Barrett down. Cody gets knocked out of the air and the chokeslam pins Wade clean at 3:32.

Rating: D. This was a squash. The guy that didn’t lose a match all of the end of last year and the Intercontinental Champion just got squashed by Big Show and Great Khali. This is what people mean when they talk about pushes starting nice and strong and then getting dropped. Barrett has gone from the top choice to be a breakout star to a guy getting squashed by Big Show in the span of 6 weeks. That’s pathetic and a big reason why there are practically no new stars being made. Also, why in the world would I buy them as having a chance in the Chamber now?

Big Show knocks Khali out post match.

Teddy is on the phone and says he doesn’t know what he’s going to do about the empty spot. Henry shows up and says he wants the spot. Teddy looks like he’s thinking about it. Big Show comes in before Teddy answers and says he wants Daniel Bryan tonight. Henry says wait your turn. Show knocks him out too. He tells Teddy to give him what he wants and then destroys Teddy’s office.

Video on the UAE tour.

Teddy tells security to wait for Big Show to calm down and then escort him out of the building. One of the guards says no way so Teddy says he’ll call for backup.

Ted DiBiase vs. Hunico

Ted’s cast is smaller this week. Hopefully this is the end of the dull feud. Hunico beats him into the corner to start but Teddy counters and beats him down as well. Big boot gets two for DiBiase. Hunico works on Ted’s bad arm/wrist but DiBiase slams him to the mat. DiBiase dropkicks him out of the air but Camacho hits DiBiase, allowing Hunico to roll him up and grab the tights for the pin at 1:45. Now GET THEM SOMETHING NEW TO DO!

Short version of the Shawn/HHH/Undertaker segment from Raw.

Usos vs. Epico/Primo

Great. ANOTHER match we’ve seen twice already. Primo and Jey start us off. The Usos double team to get control but Jimmy goes to the corner and Primo slams him off. He gets double teamed in the champions’ corner as Booker and Cole get into it again. Cole was doing well about staying on focus to start too.

Primo hooks a chinlock but misses a corner dropkick, tying him up in the Tree of Woe. There’s the tag to Jay as well as Epico. The crowd is into the Usos, as usual. The Umaga running corner shot misses but a Samoan Drop gets two. Backstabber by Primo misses and there’s the superkick. Jey’s Superfly Splash hits knees and the Backstabber gets the pin at 4:45.

Rating: D+. I’d be fine with Primo and Epico as champions if they weren’t so boring. That’s the problem I have with them: there’s nothing interesting about them at all. Rosa is interesting because she’s fun to watch shaking her hips but other than that, there’s nothing about this team that makes me want to watch them. With the Usos at least you get the Siva Tao which catches your attention. Epico and Primo will probably hold the belts for months too.

Big Show has left the arena willingly.

Bryan is here.

Video on the Chamber.

Here’s Bryan in the arena. Bryan says on Monday he got two for one. We see a clip of Bryan hitting Orton and Show with the title on Raw. He says that if either of them had any guts, they’d be out here facing him right now. However they’re both afraid. Everyone is afraid of Daniel Bryan. Everyone is afraid of tapping out because he just keeps winning. He’s proven all of us wrong and he’ll do it again on Sunday. He would have won tonight and he’ll win on Sunday. Orton isn’t here but he wants Lillian to announce him as the winner via forfeit. She does and Bryan does the huge celebration to his music.

Here’s Teddy to say hold on a minute playa. He says Bryan hasn’t competed yet, which is what everyone wants to see. It won’t be Orton, but there’s a volunteer to take his place.

Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan

Sheamus takes him down with a headlock and works on the arm to open up. Bryan comes back with some kicks but Sheamus punches him in the ribs. There are the ten forearms in the rope and thankfully they stopped calling it whatever that Irish word they had given it. Bryan tries to walk out but Sheamus runs him over. Bryan gets up on the apron and hits the running knee to the head. Back in and Bryan hits a dropkick to the ribs.

Sheamus fires back with right hands but Bryan picks the ankle to stop him. A running low dropkick in the corner gives the champion control again. This is the most offense anyone has gotten in on Sheamus in months. He blocks the kicks and makes his comeback, hitting a powerslam for two.

Irish Curse is countered into a LeBell Lock attempt. Sheamus rolls out of it but Bryan escapes the Celtic Cross. Sheamus goes after him in the corner and Bryan slaps him. The referee pulls him back and I think Bryan spits on him (the camera cut away) and that’s enough for Sheamus to throw the referee down for the DQ at 6:45.

Rating: C. This was fairly dull but it was obvious they weren’t going to give us a full on Bryan vs. Sheamus match. They would have been stupid to do that anyway as that’s a potential Mania title match. Granted that’s never stopped them before but you get the idea. The ending was a good choice as it plays up Bryan’s heel character while keeping Sheamus looking like he needs adjustments before he can go for the big one.

Barrett wants to know who Orton’s replacement is. Cody wants to know also. Teddy says there’s a battle royal tonight with anyone in WWE, from Raw to Smackdown to Superstars to NXT.

The Rock is a movie star! This is much shorter than the one on Raw, thank goodness.

Jinder Mahal vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Mahal hits a bunch of knees to the ribs as Cole suggests Johnny Curtis could head to the Chamber. Jackson runs him over in the corner and hits a side slam. The Rack is countered and Mahal hits a DDT. He hooks the camel clutch but Zeke gets out of it. A Downward Spiral sets up another camel clutch (how does that hurt the back any more?) which gets the tap at 2:06. Zeke is done. I mean he’s just DONE.

Tamina Snuka/Alicia Fox vs. Beth Phoenix/Natalya

Beth grabs Alicia to start and Fox dropkicks her down. Off to Natalya and we get a nice gymnastics demonstration from them. Natalya slides to the floor and comes back in to drop Fox for two. Beth adds in a kick to keep Fox in trouble. Natalya hooks the Sharpshooter… and the referee doesn’t see the tap because Natalya’s stupid gimmick makes him need a breath of fresh air. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? It allows Tamina to come in and hit the Samoan Drop and Superfly Splash for the pin at 2:52. I hate the Divas because of stupid stuff like this. Seriously, if this is the best they can come up with for them, drop the division.

Tamina knocks Beth out post match but she avoids the splash.

Ace and Otunga come to see Teddy. Ace says the Chamber is about charisma and star power. He suggests just putting Otunga in the Chamber instead of having the battle royal. Teddy says Otunga has the stink of a lawyer. What’s with the smell nonsense on this show lately?

Recap of the Cena/Kane/Ryder stuff from Monday.

Battle Royal

I’m not going to try to list off everyone in it. Imagine every non-main event guy and he’s probably in this. Otunga gets his own entrance. The NXT guys are in there. Bateman is the first out and it’s a standard battle royal: everyone is fighting and there’s no point in talking about anything other than eliminations until we get down to about five people. Watson is gone. Titus and an Uso follow him. Drew gorilla presses Kidd out.

DiBiase low bridges Darren Young and they both hang on to the rope to avoid elimination. DiBiase kicks him in the stomach and Young is gone. The ring is clearing out a bit but there are still too many people to count. Hunico throws Tatsu out. DiBiase knocks Camacho out as does Gabriel to McGillicutty. We take a break and come back with not much having changed.

There are about twelve people left. Make that about eleven as Hawkins is out. Riley tries the TKO on either Epico or Primo for some reason but he gets double teamed and tossed. The champs try to do the same to Reks but decide that’s not good enough, so they throw Curtis at Reks to get rid of both of them. They throw the other Uso out as well, then Primo dumps Epico.

Ok it’s down to manageable now. Hunico dumps DiBiase but DiBiase pulls him out too to keep their feud going. Gabriel and Primo throw each other to the apron but both save themselves. The camera won’t stay on a wide shot long enough for me to list off everyone in still. The both go to the apron twice more until Gabriel finally knocks Primo to the floor. Jackson knocks Gabriel out too.

It’s Otunga, Jackson, Mahal (elimianted as I type that), McIntyre and Santino. Santino loads up the Cobra but Otunga and McIntyre jump him. Drew is running over everyone with big boots….and then Santino dumps him. Otunga tries to throw out Santino but Jackson saves him. The fans are all chanting for Santino and he ducks under Jackson to put him out.

It’s Santino vs. Otunga. Santino Italianadians up and hits the Cobra but Otunga gets in a right hand to stop the momentum. A horrible neckbreaker takes Marella down. He goes to throw Santino out but is reversed and eliminated to give Santino the win at 13:12 shown of 16:42. Cole: “WE REPLACED A VIPER WITH A COBRA???”

Rating: D. To get it out of the way, the battle royal was your classic bad battle royal which I’m sure you’ve all seen dozens of. Now let’s get to the big issue here: Santino Marella is going to be in a major match for the world title on a pay per view. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I like it. Now before I get into why, I completely accept the counter argument of “IT’S SANTINO.” That’s perfectly fine and I won’t put up much of a defense against that.

However, think of some of the major criticisms of the company as of late: no new names in the main event, no surprises, no listening to the fans. Santino addresses all of those and even if he’s a comedy guy, he’s not going to win the title. He’ll be in there maybe three minutes and Big Show will knock him out or something like that. Kids are now excited for him and he’ll add some comic relief to the match (which isn’t really needed but it’s there). Also, there’s a very good chance someone will take him out and get his spot anyway.

Santino celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The show wasn’t bad this week but it’s clear they’ve had no new ideas or thoughts since the Chamber was announced. Everything since then has been about gaining momentum going into the PPV, but the problem is that it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just winning matches against other people in the match which has no bearing on the Chamber match itself. Tonight was about adding someone new and they did that, but it’s a questionable choice to put it mildly. Not a very entertaining show and they booked themselves into that corner.

Results
Big Show/Great Khali b. Wade Barrett/Cody Rhodes – Chokeslam to Barrett
Hunico b. Ted DiBiase – Rollup
Primo/Epico b. The Usos – Backstabber to Jey Uso
Daniel Bryan b. Sheamus via DQ when Sheamus shoved the referee
Jinder Mahal b. Ezekiel Jackson – Camel Clutch
Tamina Snuka/Alicia Fox b. Beth Phoenix/Natalya – Superfly Splash to Natalya
Santino Marella won a battle royal last eliminating David Otunga

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Smackdown – February 24, 2000 – One Of Foley’s Best Promos Ever

Smackdown
Date: February 24, 2000
Location: Nashville Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This was a request for reasons that I don’t remember. It’s the go home show for No Way Out where HHH faced Cactus in the Cell. The Radicals have been around for all of five minutes now and are quickly getting entrenched into the show. The main event here is what else, a tag match. Did you expect something different on Smackdown? Anyway let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from Raw of Rock making fun of HHH’s promos. There was a six man later that night where Cactus broke the window of their bus.

Hardcore Title: Crash vs. Test

Test is champion. He immediately kicks Crash in the face to start and they head to the outside. They go into the crowd and Test puts a trashcan over Crash’s head. Cole says this is what the Cell match is going to be like. Not really Cole, not really. Back to ringside and Test takes a fire extinguisher blast to the face.

Crash finds a kendo stick to whack Test as Hardcore Holly is out to watch. Crash uses the steps but jumps into a wicked chair shot. He avoids a powerbomb through two tables but walks into a big boot. Crash hits him low to escape the pumphandle and they go to the floor. Hardcore hits Test with a chair to allow Crash to win. I think he was swinging for Crash but he celebrates with him anyway.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for an opening match. The Hardcore Title was used mainly for comic relief and to give the fans a breather from the important stuff later in the show, but here it’s opening things up without anything happening beforehand. That’s very different but it wasn’t bad.

The DX Express (their bus) is here. HHH makes some midcard matches. Only HHH can go after Cactus.

Here’s Big Show who wants to know why the people don’t like him anymore. He doesn’t think he’s changed that much in the last two months. Being called a jabroni hurt his feelings. He never got a rematch with HHH after losing the title and he won the Rumble (kind of). Show has footage of the Rumble which show Rocky’s feet hitting the mat. He shows it to us three times and doesn’t get how this is right.

Cue Angle who says he’s glad to have found someone else with integrity. He shakes Show’s hand and tells us a story about integrity. Before he can get into it though, here’s Jericho. Jericho is IC Champion and has Chyna with him. He rips on both of them and says Angle makes even Show look entertaining. Jericho has an I of his own: “I wish that you would shut up!” Angel wants to have the match tonight but says let’s make it a tag match. Jericho needs a partner so here’s Rock.

Rock says he isn’t a tag wrestler but he’ll do it tonight if he can get his hands on Big Show. He doesn’t care about Angle but if it means getting to Big Show, he’ll fight Kurt too. Rock has heard all of Show’s talk and Show is absolutely right. His feet did hit the ground first and he did call Show a jabroni. The people boo him and they should. Rock has a video of his own. It’s of Rock imitating Show’s chokeslam signal. We see it again from a different angle and again in slow motion. The people boo Show because he whines and complains. Rock ends it with his usual catchphrases.

Video on the Cell.

Chris Benoit vs. Kane

All of the Radicalz come out for this, including Eddie in a sling. Kane fights them all off but Benoit takes him down. The other three get thrown out before the match officially starts. Benoit tries to suplex Kane in but Kane picks him up and drops him into the ring. Benoit takes him down and hits the Swan Dive but Kane sits up. Something that was supposed to be a tilt-a-whirl slam puts Chris down.

Kane uses his big shots to knock Benoit around and then hits the top rope clothesline. He calls for the chokeslam but instead clotheslines Benoit out to the floor. They brawl to the outside and here’s Kane’s ex-girlfriend Tori. This is being written on Valentine’s Day so it’s kind of appropriate. She and Bearer get into it but the match is a double countout.

Rating: C-. This was exactly what you would expect from a Benoit vs. Kane match. At this point Kane was a much bigger star than Benoit so the result was probably a good thing for Chris. Kane would feud with Pac for awhile and then do nothing of note for the next few months. Benoit would get the IC Title at Mania.

Kane stalks her up the ramp but X-Pac comes out and FIRES A FLAMETHROWER AT KANE. Sweet cheese and crackers that’s a bit much isn’t it?

Hardy Boys/Edge/Christian vs. Al Snow/Steve Blackman/Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn

Head Cheese lives!!! Christian vs. Blackman starts us off with Blackman running him over a few times. A kick to the face takes the Canadian down and the fans chant Head Cheese. Off to Snow and then Malenko quickly. Saturn comes in to keep up the beating on Christian. Christian manages a rollup for two and a double clothesline puts both he and Saturn down.

Hot tag brings in Jeff with a Whisper in the Wind. Everything breaks down quickly and Jeff avoids a double flapjack by the Radicalz. Jeff dives onto Saturn on the floor as Christian hits a reverse DDT on Dean. Matt is shoved off the top onto Edge as Dean dropkicks Jeff into a suplex by Saturn for the pin.

Rating: D+. It was good while it lasted but when you have to run through things like this, there’s only so much you can do. Points to them for getting all of the heel team in there in such a short match, but Matt and Edge never even got into the match. Not a bad match or anything, but too many people with too little time.

The Hardys and Edge/Christian fight post match.

Rikishi/Too Cool vs. HHH/X-Pac/Road Dogg

Roadie and Grandmaster start things off. Dogg is knocked down by a middle rope dropkick which gets two. The Radicalz are watching. Off to HHH and Grandmaster takes him down with a middle rope clothesline. Scotty sets up the Worm but Pac kicks his head off. HHH doesn’t fight low level guys so he brings Road Dogg back in. A jumping back elbow by Scotty is enough to bring Rikishi in and he cleans house.

Rikishi has a bad ankle so as he loads up the Rikishi Driver, HHH chop blocks him to break it up. DX works over the ankle and Rikishi is in a lot of pain. Pac fires off kicks to the chest but Rikishi gets all ticked off. He slams Pac to the mat but Rikishi is down too. Here’s Grandmaster who knocks everyone down. A powerslam puts X-Pac down and Scotty hits the Worm. Everything breaks down and as Rikishi loads up the Banzai Drop, HHH pops him with a chair. Too Cool hits a double elbow on Grandmaster as HHH hits Rikishi in the ankle with the chair. X-Factor pins Sexay.

Rating: C-. Standard main event style six man here. The Radicalz face Too Cool/Rikishi on Sunday which is why this match happened. That was their first feud and it would end on Sunday with the Radicalz winning of course. They would kind of split after that while HHH would move on to feud with Rock over the summer. This was fine.

HHH gets in another chair shot to the ankle post match because he’s evil.

Big Bossman/Prince Albert vs. D’Lo Brown/Godfather

Albert and Bossman beat up Tazz on Monday. No idea what that has to do with this but we see a clip of it anyway. Brown vs. Boss to start and Brown hits a middle rope dropkick for the early advantage. Albert comes in to take over. They always seemed to want to push Albert hard but it never quite happened. A moonsault by Brown misses (no idea where he was aiming) and Albert takes him down with a DDT. Godfather comes in and cleans house. Tazz comes in and hits Albert, allowing the Pimp Drop (Death Valley Driver) to pin Albert. This was short.

Here’s Cactus Jack to talk about his career in case it ends. He’s an 8 time tag team champion which is often forgotten. He talks about remembering the Thrilla In Manilla and how amazing it sounded. Then he got to see the fight later on and it ended with Frazier sitting on a stool. Foley says he’s not going to be remembered for sitting on a stool. He fought HHH at the Rumble and they tore the house down.

So then he thought he’d challenge HHH to a match in the Cell. Do you remember what happened in the last Cell match he was in? He almost died and had more injuries than he thought were possible. It was the greatest day in his career because he finished the match on his own feet. He’s seen a lot of guys prostituting themselves for one last payday and he will not do that. If he can’t beat HHH, he’ll end his career. For a month that is.

He thanks all of the fans for the times when they supported him like when he won his first world title and when they bought his book. He can’t guarantee that he’ll win on Sunday but he can guarantee he won’t end his career sitting on a stool. He’ll go down swinging or he won’t go down at all. Also, win, lose or draw, he’ll dive off the cage and land on HHH. For the Mankind fans, Have a Nice Day, and for the Cactus Jack fans, BANG BANG! AWESOME promo here and I want to see the Cell match now.

Foley goes to leave but here’s Stephanie because we can’t have a great moment without her can we? She says she’s passionate too and has dreams of her own. Last Monday her dream turned into a nightmare when he damaged her bus. He cost her a lot of money in damages but Sunday night he’ll pay with his career. She has a warrant for his arrest so he’ll be in jail. Here are cops to arrest Foley and he goes quietly. They cuff him and HHH comes out to laugh. There was no need to have them come out here but hey, at least Foley doesn’t get a big sendoff right?

Back from a break and a very young looking Coach says Kane has second degree burns on his neck and possible vision issues.

HHH and Stephanie laugh at Foley even more. Foley is in a small cage in the back instead of in jail. Only in wrestling. HHH gets the keys because the cops are stupid.

Steph and HHH taunt Foley post break.

Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Billy Gunn

The Dudleys get a tag title shot on Sunday. D-Von is brought in and thrown into Bubba. Neckbreaker gets two for Billy. Fameasser is countered into a powerbomb but Bubba misses the backsplash. Billy misses a splash but hits a Jackhammer. He loads up the Fameasser but D-Von pulls the top rope down and that’s a DQ.

The Dudleys load up a table but Road Dogg comes in for the save and Bubba takes the Fameasser through the table. Cole is very happy that a Dudley went through a table. The Dudleys would get their first tag titles on Sunday.

More taunting by HHH and Stephanie. Then they attach the cage to their bus.

The Rock/Chris Jericho vs. Big Show/Kurt Angle

Angle and Jericho start things off and Jericho gets a backbreaker for two. Rock and Show come in and Rock hits a spinebuster and pounds away. Back to Jericho who is thrown around with ease. Back to Kurt and both partners interefere. Jericho hits the bulldog and it’s back to Rock. He sets up the Elbow on Kurt but Show takes his head off. A missile dropkick puts Show down but he pops up and hits a big old chokeslam to Jericho. Chyna comes in and hits Show with a chair for the DQ.

Rating: C+. This was really short (as in like four minutes) but they had a lot of stuff going on in there. This was a very energetic match and more fun than most of the main event tags that you see in modern wrestling. It got both feuds in the ring at the same time and a lot of the time that’s all you can ask for.

The brawls continue with Show and Rock fighting up the ramp. Angle gets put in the Walls back in the ring. Show and Rock head to the back and Rock is thrown through a wall.

HHH and Stephanie drag Cactus away in the cage as it’s attached to the bus to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was fine. The wrestling wasn’t anything to remember but all of the feuds were touched on which is the top priority for a go home show. Rock and Show would have a good match and the two main event feuds would combine into a fourway at Mania which I thought was better than most people do. Good show but not great.

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Smackdown – February 10, 2012 – Can Orton Have A Bad Match?

Smackdown
Date: February 10, 2012
Location: BOK Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

Tonight’s main event is Orton vs. Bryan in a non title match. That means the match should be a lot better as we have one of the best in ring workers in the world today in there and on the other side we have the world champion. It’ll be nice to see him against someone who isn’t a giant and someone who might be effected by Bryan’s offense. Let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is a snow storm that might slow down the airport.

Here’s Sheamus to open the show who talks about how he has to pick which champion to face at Mania. When he was a kid he was bullied but he started fighting back. He got better with each fight until he was good enough that he got here. Sheamus says he isn’t going to change his ways because they’ve gotten him this far. Cue Barrett who says that he respects Sheamusa bit but Sheamus needs to go for the Raw title. Sheamus says he was thinking about Orton beating Barrett all over the ring last week.

Cue Cody who says he knows what it’s like to be a champion. The Chamber is a tax on the mind and he’s the strongest mentally of all of them. He’ll be a double champion as well. Here’s Big Show who says he won’t tell Sheamus what to do. He will however tell Cody to shut up. Show won’t make promises about the Chamber but asks Sheamus to think about facing him at Mania for the title.

Barrett cuts Show off and calls him a Wrestlemania punchline because Snooki has a better record at Wrestlemania than Big Show. Cody calls him the reverse Undertaker. Show takes him down and a brawl erupts. Sheamus and Show clear the ring. Gee, I wonder if we’ll have a tag match for later?

Great Khali vs. Jinder Mahal

Mahal does a ceremonial headware removal thing. Total domination by Khali as he wins with the Punjabi Plunge in 2:05. See, this is what they should have been doing to build to the Chamber: have the participants beat up jobbers. As in, you know, having jobbers do what they’re supposed to do.

We get a video of Teddy indefinitely suspending Henry last week.

In the back, Aksana and Teddy do their usual thing with Aksana kissing Teddy on the cheek. Bryan comes in and doesn’t like what he sees. Aksana leaves and Bryan goes on a rant about the barbecue that Teddy held earlier. He talks about how it was dead animal flesh and charred meat. Teddy: “I put some of JR’s barbecue sauce on it. Tasted fine to me.” Bryan says that makes him sick so Teddy says stop trying to get out of facing Orton tonight.

Beth Phoenix vs. Alicia Fox

Beth sits on the ropes and tells Alicia to get out of her ring. Fox takes her to the corner but Beth shoves her away. Alicia tries a Matrix move but gets sledged down. Glam Slam pins her at 1:17.

Phoenix loads up another Glam Slam but Tamina runs out and stares at her for the save. Beth seems happy to finally have a challenger.

Another way too long video about how awesome Rock is.

More of the very stupid Natalya gimmick. I’m not going to bother going into what it is because it’s that awful.

Big Show/Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett/Cody Rhodes

The entrances are out of order for some reason, as it goes Show, Rhodes, Barrett, Sheamus. Show vs. Rhodes gets us going and Show barks him into tagging. Barrett gets tossed in and chopped to the floor so it’s back to Cody. Show loads up the right hand so Cody bails to the corner. Off to Barrett vs. Sheamus with Sheamus running him over very easily.

Barrett gets in a knee and tags Cody back in. The IC Champion has as much success as he did before as Sheamus throws him outside. We take a break and come back with Cody getting beaten up again. The rolling fireman’s carry slam gets two. The heels finally double team Show down with some High/Low action. A missile dropkick gets two for Cody. A chinlock is easily broken but Barrett chop blocks Show to break up the tag.

Barrett chinlocks him but Show just stands up and breaks it up with a ram into the corner. Cody comes in with the Beautiful Disaster for two before Show can make the tag. Show breaks up a chinlock and makes the tag to Sheamus. A pair of Brogue Kicks later and Sheamus gets the pin on Barrett at 9:24 shown of 12:54.

Rating: C. Not bad for a main event style tag match, but it sums up the problem with Big Show: there aren’t very many ways to make an attack on him believable. It’s the same problem that Bryan has had: no matter what he does, Show can shrug it off and hit one big punch to end a match. He works better as a heel in that regard, as most monsters do because it means you can see someone slay the giant.

Here’s AJ who says she should be back in a few weeks and competing in the spring. She thanks people who supported her….and Cole goes into jerk mode, talking about how no one knows who she is. Cole asks about Monday where Big Show almost ran her over again. AJ says it was an accident, but it’s been Cole that has made things worse than anyone else. He’s never believed in Bryan and he’s stirred things up.

AJ rips into Cole and says that the WWE would be a better place if he would just shut his mouth. Cole argues back and says everyone is saying that Bryan set AJ up to get hurt. Cole will be in his glory when Bryan loses. Cue Bryan who yells at Cole and then says that on Sunday, he took a nature walk instead of eating a bunch of meat and beer. After so many people did that, how many of them recycled? He cares about future generations and he cares about AJ. Due to the people being so mean to her, Bryan is leaving the arena to take AJ home. They’ll be leaving in a Prius as well.

They leave and Cole goes on a rant about Bryan. Is Cole supposed to be a face or a heel? I really don’t think they have any idea anymore either. Booker defends Bryan….I think?

Bryan and AJ are in the back and start to leave when Teddy comes up. He says he’ll be glad to find transportation for AJ, but if Bryan leaves he’ll be stripped of the title.

Ted DiBiase vs. Hunico

DiBiase still has a cast on his wrist which is now a hard cast instead of the soft one he had two weeks ago. DiBiase fights with the right arm and knocks Hunico to the floor with a clothesline. Camacho distracts Ted a bit and Hunico gets him to the floor and rams the bad wrist into the post. Hunico throws on a few submissions but DiBiase rolls him up as he tries a cross armbreaker for the pin at 2:42.

Don’t be a bully.

Video on the Chamber and how it leads to Wrestlemania.

We get an interview with Johnny Ace from Abu Dhabi where he says WWE is awesome and that’s about it.

Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton

Big Show is on commentary for this. This is their first meeting according to Cole. They jockey for position to start and Randy controls with an armbar. Bryan comes back with some offense of his own but no one can get a clear advantage. Randy heads to the floor and shoots a glare at Big Show. Bryan hits a baseball slide and the running knee off the apron to take Randy down and we take a break.

Back with Bryan working on the arm but Randy countering into the backbreaker to cause the separation. Bryan gets another shot into the arm but as he goes up, Randy crotches him. A superplex is broken up but Bryan’s top rope splash misses. Orton comes back with his powerslam but the elevated DDT is countered by a high kick. Bryan goes up and is crotched again and this time the superplex works, getting two.

Orton starts the Stomp as Cole asks Big Show how many Wrestlemania matches he’s won. Booker: “Will you just hit him in the mouth please?” Bryan comes back and hits a running dropkick in the corner. A bunch of kicks hit but Bryan gets rolled up for two. The rollup is countered into a LeBell Lock attempt but Randy counters that into a slingshot to send Bryan to the apron. Elevated DDT looks to set up the RKO but Bryan heads to the apron. He rolls to the floor and shoves Big Show, drawing the DQ at 10:05 shown of 13:35.

Rating: B. I was really getting into this match by the end. Orton seemingly can’t have a bad match anymore and Bryan is really getting better when he’s against normal sized guys like Orton here and Punk from a few weeks ago on Raw. The ending is fine because Bryan is afraid to get beaten or fight himself, but it’s getting old to see that every week.

Orton gets in Show’s face and Show shoves him. A big brawl ends the show as Bryan smiles. Cole gets the famous line of “it’s breaking loose in Tulsa” wrong by saying “it’s breaking down in Tulsa.” I’ve never heard the second of those but maybe it’s a correct one.

Overall Rating: B-. They’re in buildup mode for the Chamber and that’s what they needed to do. Everyone in the chamber was in action tonight and we have Bryan looking like a puppet master out there, which is something that he needs to be rather than the plucky babyface that escapes with the title. Good show, but not as good as Smackdown is capable of.

Results
Great Khali b. Jinder Mahal – Punjabi Plunge
Beth Phoenix b. Alicia Fox – Glam Slam
Big Show/Sheamus b. Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett – Brogue Kick to Sheamus
Ted DiBiase b. Hunico – Rollup
Daniel Bryan b. Randy Orton via DQ when Big Show interfered

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Smackdown – February 3, 2012 – The Viper Is Back

Smackdown
Date: February 3, 2012
Location: Qwest Center Omaha, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

Well I’m another year older and Smackdown hopefully is a little better than last week. Last year there really weren’t any long matches to be seen. Bryan is still champion and tonight we find out who he’ll be defending against inside the Smackdown Elimination Chamber. I think I like the three week build better for this as the match is set tonight so what’s the point in drawing it out when the Chamber sells the show? Let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is too much cake.

Teddy is in the ring to open the show. He says there’s going to be a Smackdown Elimination Chamber match as well and here are the participants: Bryan, Barrett, Big Show, Rhodes, Orton, Henry. Those are the top guys on the roster so I can’t really argue with them. After Teddy gives us a brief explanation of the rules, here’s Henry. He complains about having a one in six chance at the PPV and demands a title match one on one tonight. Teddy says be thankful you’re in after losing the cage.

He follows that up by saying Henry is out of the Chamber and gets no title match tonight. Henry gets in Teddy’s face so Teddy suspends him indefinitely. Henry says that if he’s suspended, he’s going to earn it and grabs Long’s tie. Cue Sheamus who makes the save. They stare each other down and Sheamus kicks his head off and Henry heads to the floor.

Henry leaves and Teddy asks Sheamus if he knows which champion he’ll face at Mania. Sheamus isn’t sure yet but will announce it after the Chamber. Cue Cody who says he did all the work in the Rumble and eliminated the most people but Sheamus got the win and the glory. Cody is going to take that momentum into the Chamber and become the first dual champion since the Ultimate Warrior. Teddy makes Sheamus vs. Rhodes right now.

Cody Rhodes vs. Sheamus

This is joined in progress after a break but I don’t think we missed much. Cody tries to come out of the corner but gets caught in a rolling fireman’s carry slam. Out to the floor with Sheamus still in control. Cody manages to dropkick him into the post and hits the Beautiful Disaster off the barricade. Moonsault press gets two for Cody and he hooks a crossface kind of move. Sheamus fires back and a powerslam gets two. They go up and Sheamus knocks Cody off and hits the flying shoulder. Brogue Kick misses as does the Beautiful Disaster and Sheamus loads up the move Finlay called the Celtic Cross for the pin at 5:17.

Rating: C. Was there really a reason for Sheamus to get another finisher? What exactly was wrong with kicking the guy’s head off? Anyway, good match to get Sheamus more momentum, although I could have gone without them having Cody lose again. Sheamus is the bigger star, but there are others he could do this to.

Cody is still at ringside after the break.

Justin Gabriel vs. Hunico

No match as Cody runs in for the beatdown and is joined by Hunico and Camacho. Khali comes out for the save. Hunico takes the Pubjabi Plunge.

Drew is in the back and Teddy says it’s too predictable when Drew is in the ring. Why does Drew have a job still? He leaves and Santino comes in. Santino comes in and suggests a new tag team: SantinHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Duggan comes in and we get stereo USA/ITALIA chants. They leave and Aksana comes in. Sex jokes are made and Duggan says HOOOOOOOO!

Mike Tyson Hall of Fame video.

Santino Marella/Jim Duggan vs. Epico/Hunico

Epico vs. Santino gets us going. Off to Duggan quickly who does nothing of note but clothesline. Back to Santino who does all of his usual stuff. Santino loads up Cobra but Rosa distracts him and the Backstabber from Primo ends him at 2:42.

Back from a break and Cole is in the ring to interview the champ. Cole says that he doesn’t like to admit it, but Bryan survived. Bryan takes the mic and says this is about him. He succeeded on Sunday and calls himself a role model. Bryan talks about how being a vegan is a good thing and the fans are killing themselves by eating meat. He says he’s healthier than everyone in the building without clogged arteries and a lack of heart failure. Everyone should be a vegan but the fans say he sucks.

It isn’t fair that he has to be in the Elimination Chamber, especially against someone that he’s dominated like Big Show. Big Show is a failure in both the ring and in life due to him running over AJ. If Teddy doesn’t take him out of the Chamber, Bryan is going to the Board of Directors and Teddy may join Johnny Ace on the unemployment line. So Ace is officially gone?

Cue Big Show who says he would have been here sooner but he was in the back finishing a steak. Bryan has been calling himself a role model but it doesn’t matter if you tell people that. Show says Bryan has been lucky and a pompous jerk. After the Chamber, he’ll still be a jerk but he won’t be champion anymore. Bryan pokes him in the chest and says that he’s overcome the odds over and over again. Show goes right at him and the beating is on. He chokeslams Bryan and AJ comes out in a neckbrace. She stops the big right hand and leaves. Bryan promises to keep her safe.

Beth and Natalya are doing Hindu squats and the stupid joke/gimmick that Natalya started last week continues. Give me a break.

Beth Phoenix/Natalya vs. Tamina/Aksana

Glam Slam pins Aksana in 43 seconds.

Tamina breaks up a Sharpshooter by Natalya post match with a superkick and hits a Superfly Splash to leave her holding her ribs.

Don’t be a bully.

Great Khali will replace Henry in the Chamber.

Five minute video on how awesome John Cena is.

Orton says he’ll win the Chamber match and beat whomever he has to beat.

Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton

This is no disqualification. Bryan and AJ are watching from the back. They brawl to start as Booker calls Barrett a future Hall of Famer. Orton takes over with a suplex and hits the Stomp. Out to the floor and Barrett throws him into the barricade. Orton throws him back in and pulls out a table as we take a break. Back with Orton trying a superplex and being countered by Barrett who shoves him through it for two.

Barrett goes after the bad back of Orton by bending it around the post. Orton has his back rammed into the apron and they go back inside. Barrett hits a bunch of knees and a big boot to knock Randy right back to the floor. They go into the crowd for a bit with Orton hammering on Barrett even more. Back to ringside and Orton jumps off the apron with a double ax to the head.

Wade manages to reverse Orton into the steps and take over. He brings in a chair and tries for Wasteland but Orton escapes and clotheslines Barrett down. Now Orton gets the chair and pops Barrett over the back with it a bunch of times. The chair is wedged between the top and middle rope and Orton whips Barrett into it.

A dropkick puts Barrett down and they head to the floor again. Barrett takes more of a beating and back inside Orton hits the Elevated DDT. RKO is countered into the Winds of Change for two. Barrett loads up a pumphandle slam onto the chair but Orton counters and hits an RKO. He doesn’t cover though and moves the chair to the middle of the ring. RKO onto the chair ends this at 13:51 shown of 17:21.

Rating: C+. This was long and more of a beating by Orton than a match. I’m not sure why they had Barrett get taken down so hard here but it’s a pretty definitive ending to this feud. The match was fine and it’s not like Orton has destroyed Barrett the entire feud or anything. I liked it well enough and it was fine for a long TV main event.

AJ and Bryan are in the back and Teddy makes Bryan vs. Orton for next week. Bryan tells AJ to stay here where it’s safe and watch this. Bryan comes to the ring and celebrates while Orton is posing. The champ leaves and the celebration in the aisle ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. It was a better show than last week and we definitely launched towards Elimination Chamber pretty strong. I like them having a lot of the Chamber guys in matches beforehand as you get good matches out of it and the matches have a built in backstory. The show was better than last week but not exactly a classic. Oh and on a side note: there was a Brodus match taped but there was no sign of it here.

Results
Sheamus b. Cody Rhodes – Inverted Emerald Flosion
Epico/Primo b. Jim Duggan/Santino Marella – Backstabber to Marella
Beth Phoenix/Natalya b. Tamina/Aksana – Glam Slam to Aksana
Randy Orton b. Wade Barrett – RKO onto a chair

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Smackdown – January 27, 2012 – Who Shot Mark Henry?

Smackdown
Date: January 27, 2012
Location: Tucson Arena, Tucson, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

It’s the final show before the Rumble so we have to have some build for it tonight right? This year it seems that they’re focusing more on the regular matches and letting the Rumble build itself. That’s an unconventional idea but it’s not the worst in the world. The Rumble will draw on the fact that it’s the Rumble so why not let everything else get built up too? Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of AJ getting run over two weeks ago.

Here’s Big Show for the first time since that incident happened. He says he’s sorry for what happened and has already apologized to AJ in person which she accepted. Now he’s asking the fans to do the same. He can’t forgive himself for what happened though. Even when he was a kid he didn’t know his own strength and would hurt other kids when they were playing. He thought that being in WWE would change that and he wouldn’t hurt someone like that again.

Show loves it here but he’s not sure if he can continue his career after hurting AJ. After Sunday, he’s going to have to do some soul searching. He’s cut off by Daniel Bryan who doesn’t have the title for some reason. Bryan yells at Big Show and says that AJ doesn’t remember Show visiting due to the medication. Bryan remembers though.

He remembers watching as a kid and thinking it was a place for athletes, not genetic freaks. And before Show mentions Andre, just save it because he’s no Andre the Giant. Bryan goes off on him, yelling about how Show is a monster and there’s no way he’s going to retire or anything like that. Bryan slaps him and Show snaps, choking him into the corner and tossing Bryan across the ring. Here’s Henry to remind us that it’s a triple threat match on Sunday. He doesn’t care about Show’s feelings or Bryan’s Napoleon Complex. As for Bryan, he’s going to tear his skin off on general principle for what Bryan did last week.

Teddy stops the skin removal and makes a second main event (first is Barrett vs. Orton) in the form of Henry vs. Big Show. That’s a good choice actually as it means that every combination of the three have fought over the last three weeks, which is what Teddy said when he made it.

Cody Rhodes vs. Justin Gabriel

Non-title match. A quick inset interview from Cody says he’s doing this so Gabriel can tell his grandkids that he lost to the man that headlined Wrestlemania. A quick spin kick gets two for Gabriel. A quick Alabama Slam gets two for the champ. Booker wants to know why this isn’t for the title. Gabriel gets in a few kicks and a flying forearm. Out to the floor and Justin hits a dive. Back in and a springboard cross body is rolled through for two. A top rope Lionsault misses though, setting up the Beautiful Disaster and Cross Rhodes for the pin at 2:10.

Santino is in the back with Teddy and has a new match idea. It’s a loser leaves town match, but the loser has to join a group of monkeys and get in a spaceship and fly away from Earth. Yoshi Tatsu pops up and says that’s out of this world. They talk about a tag team but can’t decide if it’s called Yoshtino or Santoshi. Drew comes in and begs for one more chance. He talks about how Babe Ruth struck out five times in a game once. This is just a slump. Teddy says go break your slump against Sheamus.

Drew McIntyre vs. Sheamus

Big reaction for Sheamus. They pound away on each other to start until Sheamus hits that rolling fireman’s carry that Anderson and Finlay used. Drew comes back with a northern lights suplex for two. He works on the arm and a snap suplex gets two. A kick to the back just ticks Sheamus off. He pounds Drew down in the corner and hits his running axe handle shots. Brogue Kick finishes Drew off at 2:48. Sheamus needs a real feud (as in not against Mahal) for after the Rumble. These squashes are only going to take him so far.

Rumble by the Numbers.

Yoshi Tatsu/Santino Marella vs. Epico/Primo

It’s better than nothing to get Yoshi on TV I guess. Santino and Primo start things off and of course it’s a comedy match. Off to Yoshi who works on the arm. Cole goes on a big rant about the language issues in this match as Epico comes in and takes over on Yoshi. Backslide gets two for Yoshi and it’s off to Santino again. He takes over with his usual stuff and everything breaks down. Cobra takes out Primo but the Backstabber takes down Santino so Epico can pin him at 2:16. These matches have been short tonight but they’re long enough that you get something out of them. That’s a very good way to run a TV show.

Bryan gets in Henry’s ear and says that Teddy obviously wants Show to be champion. Henry should hurt Big Show tonight. He seems intrigued by the idea.

Here’s Wade for his match with Orton. He talks about how there’s a lot of pageantry to show tonight because Orton is returning. Barrett has heard that Orton isn’t healthy yet. Oh his back might be ok but he’s a broken man. We get a clip from last month where Orton was injured. Orton’s music hits and we get a full walk from the back from him.

Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton

They start in the aisle and the referee just lets them go. I never heard a bell. A bunch of referees come out to stop Randy and Barrett tries to leave. Teddy comes out and sends the NXT guys to pull Randy off him. Barrett uses the chance to kick him in the face. Back in the ring Orton spears Barrett and everyone is trying to pull him off. Barrett finally gets away. No match obviously. Orton RKOs the NXT guys, including the Usos, Barretta, Reks and Hawkins.

Rumble moment is Eddie Guerrero putting on a mask, calling himself Rey Mysterio and winning the Rumble.

Bryan talks to Kaitlyn because she’s AJ’s best friend. He wants Kaitlyn to warn Show about Henry trying to injure him later. Kaitlyn thinks that sounds like a favor for Bryan, not AJ. Bryan says it’s the same thing so she gives in. She does want to know how Bryan feels about AJ, which he won’t directly answer.

Hunico vs. Ted DiBiase

DiBiase has an injured wrist/hand. Cole wants DiBiase to release his income tax statements. Oh geez not more political stuff. Hunico goes after the wrist of course and hooks an armbar. DiBiase comes back and tries Dream Street but the wrist gives out. Huico hits a variation of an Angle Slam for the pin at 1:30. Instead of the usual Slam position, it was more compact and Hunico had DiBiase’s head hooked. It looked like an Angle Slam combined with a Samoan Drop if that makes sense.

Hunico and Camacho beat on the wrist more post match and stomp it on the steps.

Aksana and Teddy are in the back when Natalya comes in and demands a rematch with Tamina. Nattie says she can beat the wackjob known as Tamina and Aksana too. Teddy makes Aksana vs. Natalya. Bad comedy ensues.

Alex Riley vs. Brodus Clay

Even Riley dances during the entrance. They dance a bit to start and Brodus suplexes him, splashes him in the corner and What The Funk ends this at 36 seconds. I still love this guy.

Kaitlyn talks to Show in the back but we can’t hear it.

We get a LONG clip from Monday with the Cena/Ryder/Kane thing.

Aksana vs. Natalya

Natalya turns around, yells for Tamina, and Aksana rolls her up for the pin in 5 seconds. Yes, clearly this deserves TV time instead of ANYTHING ELSE. Natalya puts her in the Sharpshooter but Tamina runs in, beats up Natalya and hits the Superfly Splash.

Big Show vs. Mark Henry

Bryan comes out to watch. They to the floor almost immediately but Show throws him back in. There’s a headbutt by Show and he chops Henry in the corner. Henry comes back with right hands….and falls flat on his face. From what I’ve heard, this was a legit knee/leg injury. They immediately go to a commercial and when we come back, Big Show is being announced as the winner. Apparently Show knocked Henry to the floor and won by countout. We only saw about a minute of the match.

Bryan comes in with a chair and that doesn’t go well for him. Show goes after him and Bryan gets the chair back which puts Show down. He even gets the LeBell Lock. Show tosses Bryan off and chokeslams him. He loads up the knockout punch but Bryan runs.

Overall Rating: C. This was a very odd show. If I didn’t know any better or hadn’t seen the clips about the Rumble, I would have no idea that show was Sunday. Now that being said, there’s a logic there as the Rumble name itself is going to draw no matter what. As for Henry, that could be a problem, but they got lucky in that it’s a triple threat so either A, they could let him get knocked down early and stay down for the majority of the match, or they could just do Show vs. Bryan which would be fine. Anyway, this was a different kind of show as they got a lot done, but there was very little wrestling. It still worked though.

Results
Cody Rhodes b. Justin Gabriel – Cross Rhodes
Sheamus b. Drew McIntyre – Brogue Kick
Epico/Primo b. Yoshi Tatsu/Santino Marella – Backstabber to Epico
Hunico b. Ted DiBiase – Spinning Samoan Drop
Brodus Clay b. Alex Riley – What The Funk
Aksana b. Natalya – Rollup
Big Show b. Mark Henry via countout

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Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2004: Quite The Final Four

Royal Rumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman

So another year has passed and the only real change is that Evolution is running wild on Raw. Yeah, HHH is champion again, Benoit is still having great matches but getting nowhere with them, Brock still owns everything he’s in, and the Dudleys are still the only tag team worth anything. The levels of similarity between the two shows astounds me. Oh and Cena is now a face. Yeah that’s all I’ve got.

This really was a show that doesn’t mean much in the history of the company because nothing much happens. Shawn and HHH are going to have another classic in their endless series and Lesnar is having a match with Hardcore Holly of all people. Let that sink in for a bit before we start this up.

Naturally the opening video is about Shawn and HHH, because, you know, they’re more important than the match the show is named after. The whole thing is about roads which is fine but geez, could you be a bit more subtle next time? I didn’t really get what you were trying to talk about here.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Ric Flair/Batista

This is in the Evolution period so Flair thinks he’s a Horseman still I guess. It’s a tables match so at least we don’t have to worry about it lasting long. Evolution came in as champions here after having the belts stolen from them a month before. Oh and they’re 17 time champions here. They put Coach through a table on Raw in a pointless segment. Oh blast it they gave Batista a mic. Who thought this was a good idea at this point in his career?

The fight is on in the aisle, and I think Flair is on the verge of bleeding already. In a cool spot, Bubba is on one side of the ring and gets a table out. He slides it across the ring and it hits Batista on the floor on the other side of the ring. That was impressive. Seeing Dave with a lot of hair is just amusing. Flair is told to suck on that by Bubba which is an image I never want again. We go to a completely ranomd shot over the shoulders of the announcers. What the heck was the point of that?

The Dudleys hit that reverse neckbreaker that is always called a 3D by idiotic fans in the crowd. Shockingly, Flair is slammed off the top rope. Coach leaves for no apparent reason as Flair is about to get a 3D. He almost gets the What’s Up but Flair stops it. Batista puts D-Von through a table to end it. That was incredibly pointless.

Rating: C. It’s four and a half minutes long. How much of a rating could I actually give this thing? It was a way to give Evolution a bit more credibility as champions and that’s what it did. They lost them to RVD and Booker a few weeks later but whatever. This was fine for an opener I guess.

We go to the back and I have to take a break for a minute as Josh Matthews looks like a cross between Vanilla Ice and…something not associated with Vanilla Ice. I mean it’s just hilarious. Anyway, he’s with Cena who is a face now but he still raps. RVD interrupts him in a bizarre cameo. Cena was getting there but he wasn’t quite there yet.

We see a chair that’s reserved for Foley. This is in the middle of the angle where he was afraid of Orton and refused to fight him.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Talk about two careers that have gone in completely opposite directions since this. Rey comes out first for no apparent reason. If Noble’s music was any more generic it would be off an American Idol winner’s CD. Oh yeah and Nidia, Noble’s girlfriend, has been blinded by Tajiri. It’s a fake, and if that surprises you I have to wonder why you’re here. Apparently Noble has been using her to help him win matches without her knowing about it.

Cole gets in the flat out stupid line of “Nidia looking on”. Cole, you are a plague upon mankind. Even Tazz calls him out for saying something stupid. How bad does that tell you he is? Nidia trips Noble “by mistake” and Rey gets a 619 and drops the dime for the win. Yeah that’s really all that happened. It’s a 3 minute match.

Rating: N/A. There’s more or less nothing here to grade so I can’t do it justice. The angle was stupid though and this is kind of insulting to the crusierweights. They give them 3 minutes for their title? Seriously, what’s the point in even having them out there? This was stupid and is a great example of why this division is considered a freaking joke.

So Chavo can’t stand Eddie because he’s jealous or something stupid like that.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

I put Jr. because Chavo Sr. is with Chavo here. This was right before Eddie turned into the mega face and would become the most overrated wrestler in recent history. Yes Eddie was great, but you would think he was the second coming of Lou Thesz based on how much praise he got all of a sudden. He’s mad over here but still it’s annoying considering they’re still using his name in angles now.

Now in case you didn’t know that they grew up more or less as brothers, they’re going to let you know for the first time in the first two minutes. That should only be mentioned about 15 more times in the match. Oh and apparently Chavo hates Eddie now. I get that we have faces vs. heels, but this pro-Eddie stuff from Cole here is driving me insane. SHUT UP ALREADY. WE GET IT. In a funny spot, Chavo does Eddie’s dance thing and Eddie just flips him off. That was great.

Oh Eddie refuses to punch too. Chavo Sr., who is Eddie’s brother in case you can’t remember the family tree in your head, trips him to give Chavo the advantage. Since Chavo pales in the shadows of Eddie though, that lasts all of a second. Chavo steals Eddie’s sequence of moves, so Eddie follows it up by doing the exact same sequence. This allows for the frog splash to end it. That was just pointless. Eddie follows it up with a long beatdown of both Chavos to fill in some time.

Rating: C+. The wrestling here was quite good, but I still don’t get what was accomplished here. Eddie was just treading water at this point until less than a week later when he was launched into being number one contender for the Smackdown Title in a battle royal. This ended this mini feud so I guess that’s the point it served. I never liked Eddie vs. Chavo for some reason, but the wrestling was very solid.

Buy Mick Foley’s Greatest Hits and Misses. No you really should as it’s a cool set.

Benoit is in the back with Josh Matthews but Flair and Evolution interrupt him. If anyone can explain to me logically why Benoit was never made into the next big star of the Horsemen in WCW, I’ll get you a ham sandwich. They talk about Benoit being unable to win the big one, which more or less gives away the ending to the Rumble.

Since apparently I murdered a baby in a past life or something, we recap Bob Holly vs. Lesnar. It’s an even numbered year so it’s time to push him again. Holly fought Lesnar in 2002 and Lesnar messed up a powerbomb and it broke Holly’s neck. That apparently is what it takes for him to get a title shot. Holly kept jumping Brock and trying to hurt him with a full nelson. Yes, Hardcore Holly is getting a title shot at the Royal freaking Rumble. Just take me now.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

They announce Holly and that this is for the WWE Title and I expect Chimmel to just break up laughing. I mean seriously how could you keep a straight face announcing that? It’s amazing to think that Lesnar would be done with the WWE in three months. Holly jumps him before the match starts so the bell rings while Holly is waiting on Brock to get up. He misses a cross body, meaning that he was in control for all of two seconds of this match.

After that, it’s all Brock. I mean literally, four minutes have passed and Holly has been on defense since then. Tazz and Cole are really trying to make this sound like a legit match. They even say that Holly might be pound for pound the strongest guy in the company. That’s just completely stupid. Hey there’s offense! It’s a head slap and two punches and he’s down again. Also most of this is Brock with Holly on the mat in a hold.

He gets a slightly longer one here, even hitting his finisher, the Alabama Slam (think of a guy going for a sunset flip but not getting over and the guy he’s using it on grabbing his legs and slamming him back down to the mat). Naturally though he doesn’t cover but goes for the stupid submission and since that doesn’t work, the F5 ends this in like 6 minutes.

Rating: D-. This was a squash on PPV for the title. I can get the idea of having a throwaway feud that ends at the Rumble to set up the real feud at Mania, but this was just a waste of time. Serious, HARDCORE HOLLY is the best you can do? You couldn’t throw someone like Cena in there for a quick feud and title match that went 12 minutes or so? Vince loved Holly for some reason and refused to quit pushing him until he finally woke up and fired him.

We’re four matches into a six match card. The longest match so far: Eddie vs. Chavo at eight minutes and three seconds. I know I complain about PPVs being too much like a TV show but this is ridiculous.

HHH and Shawn are getting ready for their title match tonight. Of course it’s seven years in the making despite them feuding extensively since then. Basically this time Shawn had gotten a title shot in his home town and pinned HHH, but his shoulders were down too so HHH kept the belt.

That’s a great match that you should check out which I believe is on the Heartbreak and Triumph DVD. They go through the usual complaining about HHH taking Shawn’s spot after the injury and I want to beat myself with a rock. This highlight package literally goes on for almost four minutes. WE GET IT.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

This is last man standing. From the beginning of the recap package to the bell was about seven and a half minutes. Shawn is finally back to looking like a pro wrestler instead of looking like a tiny man that he was in the Elimination Chamber. What’s the deal with announcers always misusing the word literally? Monsoon said they were literally hanging from the rafters and Lawler says they’re literally beating the heck out of each other. No, not really.

Ross follows that up with a line saying that Michaels made a calculated mistake. I just shake my head and move on. In a shocking turn of events, HHH works on Shawn’s back. Lawler goes on a limb and says that Shawn’s back might be healed SIX YEARS AFTER HE HURT IT. I love how they try to make it sound like Shawn left and then HHH was a big deal the next day. In reality it took about a year for him to get to the big time and another year and the Rock before anyone took him seriously.

Shawn hooks on a figure four and Ross manages to plug the recently released Flair DVD. If anyone has ever been a better or more hardworking salesman than Vince McMahon, I want to meet them and buy something from them. We’re already seeing the problem that exists in every Last Man Standing match: the first fifteen minutes or so mean nothing.

You can go do something else while waiting on that part to end. There will be some decent spots, but it’s simply not going to end during that amount of time. We move to the let’s dodge each other’s finishers which is clichéd but fine I guess.

Shawn goes to the apron and tries a reverse springboard cross body to the floor but eats table in a good looking spot. Since it’s a big match, Shawn is bleeding. I know he emulates Flair but come on now. Hey let’s get a chair since we haven’t had enough violence so far. Naturally Shawn is up in time because we haven’t had the big face comeback yet. In case you can’t tell, I’m not thrilled by this match. It’s ok, but nothing great.

Shawn blocks a Pedigree and slingshots HHH in front of the turnbuckle so HHH can jump to hit the post. Shawn kills him with the chair for an eight or so. Both guys are bleeding. Shawn nips up and the fans are into this if nothing else. He initiates his ending sequence which is just like what Bret Hart would do even though he’s nothing like Bret Hart right?

For the life of me, if Shawn wants to hit a big kick, WHY DOES HE STOMP THE MAT WHILE THE OTHER GUY IS GETTING UP??? That’s just freaking STUPID. Oh come on now. After Shawn gets low blowed, he hooks a sleeper. While it’s psychologically a good move, it’s the best way possible to kill a crowd dead. This match has been 80% punching and chopping.

This match is going on, but all of the clichéd spots like the long double count are just getting annoying. A Pedigree puts Shawn down again. He gets up and since he just took a big finisher he’s able to hit Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere, because you know, that’s perfectly reasonable. This leads to a double count out which gets booed out of the freaking building.

This caused Shawn to be completely ridiculous and consistently demand that he get a title shot and generally coming off like a total whiny little man. This is why Shawn was in the Mania main event, and yes, I think it had a lot to do with HHH making sure that his buddy got to main event ANOTHER Mania and kept him from having to job to Benoit clean, but you’ve heard more than enough rants about that.

Rating: C+. This match felt like it was missing the middle part. It felt like 18 minutes of the feeling out process and then we shifted to the finish for about five minutes. The double count out thing I couldn’t stand but at least they had a plan for these two moving forward.

The problem though is that it’s just Shawn vs. HHH. This feud went on forever and while it’s a big match, it’s been done. That’s the thing: it’s just more of HHH only making his buddy look good instead of just allowing him to lay down for Benoit at Mania like he should have. It’s not bad, but once you think about it the match loses some luster.

We go to a long video package about the Rumble, mainly focusing on Benoit which completely gives away the winner. He’s number one and Goldberg is number 30. Yeah that’s about it.

Austin, Heyman and Bischoff get together. Hilarity ensues.

Brock and Goldberg look at each other. I think Goldberg wants to go get some coffee.

Royal Rumble

As mentioned, Benoit is first and Orton is number 2. Tazz and Ross are doing the commentary tonight and Orton is the IC Champion here. These two would headline Summerslam in about 7 months in a great match which led to Orton’s horribly botched face turn. GEEZ Orton looks different here as he more or less was all clean cut like some college kid. Compare that to what you see now and you’ll be amazed.

I’m not sure if I like this style of the Rumble. I like having bigger names in at the beginning, but they couldn’t have made it clearer that Benoit was winning if they put the WM 20 poster on the mat for this. I like these hard hitting people if nothing else. Henry is 3rd as I think the intervals are two minutes or so. Teddy Long is managing Henry here which means more or less nothing. After about a minute, Tajiri is 4th. I know this because there’s a graphic in the corner that says Tajiri 4th.

He and Benoit do some sweet looking technical stuff. Bradshaw is 5th and somehow he would be world champion in 6 months. He clotheslines everyone but Benoit who pulls him into a crossface. Bradshaw picks him up and tries to dump him but Benoit holds on and pulls Bradshaw out. Rhyno is 6th here as the intervals are actually staying pretty close to accurate here.

Tajiri puts Henry in the Tarantula but Rhyno gores Henry to knock Tajiri out. That’s actually pretty creative and I liked it. Benoit puts Henry out by just running into him a few times to a solid pop. It was bigger last year but we’re not going to speak of that. Oh Henry took some mist according to a replay to cause him to be in the Tarantula. Matt Hardy is seventh. We now have Benoit, Orton, Rhyno and Hardy in there. Hardy is a face here I think. Yeah he’s getting pops.

I just don’t think he means anything as a singles guy, which would date this show as sometime between 2001 and the present. The two successful singles guys and the two lesser so successful singles guys are together. In at eight is Scott Steiner who means more or less nothing at this point. He dominates for the most part with amazingly enough, more suplexes. In an amusing moment, Benoit is just like boy please and starts throwing Steiner around with them.

Ross points out something interesting by saying that no one in this Rumble has won before. Again, that’s the point of an announcer. Lines like that can do a lot as far as elevating a match. Number 9 is MATT FREAKING MORGAN! They know he’s awesome even here where he’s been around all of a few months. Even WWE bills him as 7’0 tall even though he’s about 6’8. He puts Benoit down with a huge power bomb though.

They refer to him as a rookie here so he hasn’t been around long. I know he came out of nowhere at SS 03 and then left around Mania before coming back as Carlito’s bodyguard. Hurricane is tenth. Morgan throws him out in a few seconds and he lands really badly on his leg and might be legit hurt. He almost puts out Hardy who makes a nice save.

Morgan just looks at him while he comes back in which just looks stupid. Booker is 11th and is apparently a favorite to win this? He has a bad rap version of his theme song. He and Steiner go at it and we get a WCW reference. Benoit and Morgan just sounds like a TNA dream match. Ross says that Benoit is still alive somehow. That’s a creepy line. Morgan has shrunk to 6’10 apparently but grows back to 6’11 before Kane is in at 12.

Steiner goes out off camera thanks to Booker. Morgan either has lifts in his shoes or something is weird about his height as he’s almost Kane’s size. They do a smart thing though and spin the camera angles a lot while they’re fighting though. As a recap, we have Benoit, Orton, Rhyno (who gores Hardy as I say that for his first noticeable anything in about 10 minutes), Hardy, Morgan, Booker and Kane.

Of those seven, three would be in TNA within four years. That’s either saying a lot or nothing at all and I’m not sure which. Kane is the only person up as the clock goes down to zero. The lights go out and a gong sounds. To say the crowd pops is an understatement. Kane had buried Taker alive (again) back at Survivor Series. Only in wrestling would that make perfect sense.

That had ended the biker gimmick as Taker would come back as the Dead Man at Mania to face Kane in a glorified squash match. Kane is distracted and Booker puts him out. Spike comes out as number 13 and never gets in the ring. You figure out why not. Rikishi is in at 14 after about a minute of waiting. Benoit puts out Rhyno as Rikishi gets in. Morgan gets a stink face as he must be counting the days to getting to TNA. Tazz mentions that Benoit is hanging in there, which sent a chill up my spine.

Less than 75 seconds later, Renee Dupree is number 15. He actually puts Matt Hardy out with relative ease. That’s surprising if nothing else. Rikishi puts him out a few seconds later. A-Train is in at 16 as he must be about gone from the company at this point. Yeah he would be gone in November after getting hurt in the summer. Benoit puts Morgan out. Orton puts out Booker and Rikishi in about 15 seconds. That’s not bad at all.

Benoit puts out A-Train just as Shelton gets in at number 17. A-Train goes over the ropes and to the floor, and Tazz says that he thinks A-Train is out and I shake my head. Orton puts out Shelton and we’re back to where we started out. Both are down as a guy in a fake afro comes out to introduce Ernest Miller at 18. This was one of the dumbest signings ever as Miller was barely over in WCW so he got hired here for no apparent reason.

Anyway, after dancing badly for a bit, Orton puts him out. In a very funny moment, Benoit tries to throw out Lamont, the guy that did the introduction but as he runs him to the ropes to throw him, just the hair goes off. It’s a lot better than it sounds. Angle is 19th to a HUGE pop. This is kind of a dream trip in there really. Naturally he and Benoit beat the tar out of each other.

Rico, now in his full gay stage, is 20th. Tazz sums him up in one line: you have to be as tough as Rico to wear those pants in the Royal Rumble. Rico was a guy that never got a fair shake as a wrestler. He was chained down by his gimmick and no one could ever take him seriously. If nothing else though, I’ve never heard a single bad thing about him and before and after wrestling he was a police officer in Nevada where he graduated at the top of his class both times.

Like him or not, that’s very impressive. Orton hits an RKO on him and puts him out. As Benoit and Angle beat even more heck out of each other, Test is 21st as no one cares. Main reason no one cares is he’s not here. Orton hits an RKO on Angle as we cut to the back where Test is out cold. Austin, who was sheriff or something like that at the time yells at someone we can’t see that they’re now number 21 as it was apparently the guys that did this to Test.

Austin sounds like Christian Bale from Dark Knight. It’s Mick Foley as the roof is completely gone after being blown off by his music. This was during an angle where Foley was afraid of Orton and refused to fight him on Raw back in December so he left the company. Ross says he knew Foley wasn’t a coward. The look on Orton’s face is absolutely perfect as he’s scared to death. Foley beats the living tar out of him and a Cactus Clothesline puts both of them out.

Foley beats on him even more on the floor as Christian is number 22. Oddly enough ECW is on at the moment and he’s in the main event (shocking isn’t it?). Orton is just getting killed by Foley this whole time. Scratch that he’s coming back with a SICK chair shot to Mick’s head. They fight up the entry way as they set up Rock and Foley vs. Evolution at Mania and the EPIC hardcore match at Backlash.

If you haven’t seen the Backlash match, go get Mick Foley’s Greatest Hits and Misses and check that match out. It’s a great DVD too. The final disc has four Foley matches on it where you can pick between original commentary or Foley and Joey Styles which is a cool idea. Nunzio is 23rd but he walks into Socko on the ramp. We haven’t seen anything in the ring for about a minute and a half at this point, but in this case it’s ok. The crowd is WAY into this.

Orton runs away and Foley staggers after him. Nunzio (Little Guido for you ECW fans) sits at ringside while everyone else fights in the ring. Tazz makes fun of Christian wearing pink tights. Ross says some great Canadians have worn pink tights which shuts Tazz up FAST. Big Show is in at 24. He’s finally back in normal looking tights which I couldn’t be happier about. Again, Ross says something very insightful: Yoko and Studd were both #24 when they won.

See, again, that’s something no one would ever pick up on and it offers something to think about. That’s the sign of a great announcer. Jericho is number 25. We have far too high of a Canadian to American ratio in there. Haas is in at 26th. Nunzio is still sitting outside. Jericho puts out Christian for the second year in a row apparently. Billy Gunn is 27th and is apparently returning.

Why in the world is he getting a pop? I just don’t get it. He gets a Fameasser on both Angle and Show which Ross points out is a bad idea because you have to have Show up to put him out. Ross stays on fire tonight by pointing out that number 27 has produced the most winners in history. Even Tazz says Ross is on a roll tonight.

Cena is number 28 to a solid pop. He would win his first title, the US, at Mania over Show who he’s feuding with at the moment. He puts Nunzio into the ring but gets jumped by the Italian and Show. Show slaps Nunzio on the back and Tazz says that’ll shake your hips for you. Where in the world did that come from??? RVD is 29th and we know Goldberg is 30th. Cena hits the FU on Angle.

Your final grouping as Goldberg comes in: Benoit, Haas, Nunzio, Angle, Show, Jericho, Gunn, Cena, RVD and Goldberg. That’s a pretty sweet grouping when you think about it. Of the ten in there, you have four former world champions and three that would be champion in the future. That’s not bad at all. Goldberg destroys everyone in sight and throws out Haas. There goes Gunn. Nunzio is out. He sets to Jackhammer Big Show and here’s Brock to mess that up.

He nails Goldberg and then Angle throws him out during the stare down. If either guy was staying at Mania, that could have been EPIC. We’ve got six now. Show gets the Andre treatment which doesn’t work at all. Everyone keeps beating on him and then they realize they screwed up because he’s out cold and weighs 500lbs.

Ok, I get that he’s dead weight, but Angle has freakish strength and RVD holds a world record for a dead lift while doing the splits, yet five grown professional wrestlers can’t get him up? Show just goes insane and puts out Cena and RVD. Jericho shows his intelligence and gets the Walls of Jericho on Show. Show puts him out with one arm to just show off. The final three are Angle, Benoit and Show.

If nothing else they’ve saved the best guys for the ending. Angle hits an Angle Slam on Show which never stops being impressive. Benoit takes one that’s close to it but not quite. Show gets a chokeslam but Angle rolls through it into an ankle lock and Show taps again.

In an awesome looking sequence, Show is in the ankle lock and climbs up the ropes, then he kind of rolls forward over them to pull Angle out, because Angle couldn’t you know, LET GO OF HIS FREAKING LEG or something like that. Benoit rolls through a chokeslam with the most basic counter there is to it and continues his streak of being the only guy in history to consistently work on the right arm of an opponent.

Show taps again. That’s a nice bit of continuity there as all three submission guys manages to get him to tap but it means nothing. I like it though as it shows they’ve at least thought this out a bit. It’s so simply yet it ties the match together and shows that while Jericho and Angle are both great, they’re not as great as Benoit as only he gets rid of Show in the end. That’s a nice little touch and it works so well.

Show is in that thing for at least thirty seconds too so that has to hurt. Show breaks it with a similar counter to what Bradshaw did earlier. Benoit breaks the hour mark. Show, with his handlebar mustache, gets Benoit in a gorilla press but Benoit shifts into a chancers (DDT grip with the arm held also) to pull Show over the ropes and in a cool looking finish gets enough leverage to get him out.

That’s a perfect ending as Benoit didn’t use power or some contrived move. He did what he does best: got a hold on Show and used leverage to get him out. That’s textbook Benoit and it’s the only way he should have won this. The pop is great and for smarks everywhere, this was a perfect moment.

Rating: A. This was a great Rumble for multiple reasons. First of all, Benoit wasn’t focused on until the very end, which made it far less obvious that he was going to be the winner. He blended into the background, which helped him out a lot here. In the 92 Rumble where Flair more or less went wire to wire, he was the focus of the match. Here, Benoit was mentioned but it was far more casual. Second, the ending 6 or so were awesome.

There were a bunch of people there that could have won. Angle winning wouldn’t have surprised anyone I don’t think, and Show is always a legit contender in something like this. This match went very well and while it may not have been great, it was very fun. That’s the best way to describe it: fun.

Overall Rating: C+. The Rumble is the only thing here worth much.  Look back at the show and see what else you have. The tag title match is a squash, the Cruiserweight title match is 3 minutes long, Eddie vs. Chavo is ok at best, Hardcore Holly got a title shot, and Shawn and HHH had a decent but far from great match with a bad ending. Then you have a great Rumble. That’s not a lot to go on really.

The part that kills it for me is HHH and Shawn being the only other match longer than eight and a half minutes. Seriously, you couldn’t chop off 6 minutes of that and give three each to the first two matches? Overall, the show isn’t much at all, but the Rumble is great.

I won’t really recommend it as a lot of this stuff felt like it was from a 3 hour special or something. This wasn’t much, but the Benoit Rumble win is great stuff. You won’t find a better example of someone being launched into the main event than that right there. Definitely check that out, but other than that take a pass.

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Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2000: Best Rumble Ever

Royal Rumble 2000
Date: January 23, 2000
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 19,200
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

At this point, the wars are over. WCW is practically dead and the WWF just keeps pouring it on. The main thing that’s different than last year though is simple: Austin is gone. With the company so far ahead that they would have to be WCW to manage to lose the lead they had built up, Austin was finally allowed to take the nearly yearlong break that he so badly needed to get his neck fixed once and for all.

With him out of the way, the Rock and HHH have stepped up. To all Rock fans, get this through your heads: without Austin taking this time off, Rock would be a fairly big star at best. He’s not bigger than Austin, he never was bigger than Austin, and he never will be bigger than Austin. He got as big as he got because of Austin not being there and that’s all there is to it.

Anyway, a lot of the roster is filled out now as we have guys like Jericho, Angle, the Dudleys, Show and I believe the Radicalz would debut the next night or eight days later so they were just over the horizon at this point. Your other main event tonight is HHH vs. Cactus Jack in a street fight, which was one of the best matches I’ve ever seen and since I want to get to it, we’re starting now.

The opening video is about how insane Cactus is and how sane HHH is. That was the real point of the street fight tonight: getting HHH over as a crazy man. In other words, Foley is doing what he might be the best ever at, and that’s even better than Flair: getting people over and making them look better than anyone else ever could. There’s no mention of the match at all here, which is odd. After a brief intro from Jerry and Jim, we’re ready to go.

Kurt Angle vs. ???

Angle was the undefeated rookie wonder here and he had issued an open challenge here or something like that. He’s the clean cut kid here that no one could touch at this point. It had leaked out who the opponent would be, but not to the general public. Angle of course gives a speech talking about how great he is. The crowd is very hot already as is customary of a New York crowd. He gets some cheap heat by ripping on the Knicks, which is just fine. Cheap heat is still heat.

This is less than a week after the MSG Raw before Survivor Series so I’m fired up about the Garden in general. Actually the fans are chanting for the guy he’s about to fight so I guess they know who’s coming. Angle was just ridiculously great in this role. The music hits, and the symbol that we’ve been seeing for a few months comes up for Taz, who is the mystery guy. The crowd pops like a cherry for him too. I mean they are LOUD.

Angle beats on him for a few minutes until Taz gets his hands on him and let the suplexing begin. After a German, a head and arms, and a T-Bone, the Tazmission debuts in the WWF and Angle is out cold in about 20 seconds, ending his undefeated streak and making Taz look like an insane killing machine. Now that is how you debut a guy. Once Taz got going, he DESTROYED Angle. Angle is taken out on a stretcher as apparently it was a choke and not a sleeper.

Rating: A-. Yeah it’s just over three minutes long, but DANG. That was a nearly perfect debut as Taz looked awesome there and Angle put him over like a master despite having only been around a few months at this point. Taz dominated here and was supposed to get the push that Benoit wound up getting, but because of Hardcore freaking Holly messing up a spot with a candy jar at Mania, Taz had an eye injury and had to take a lot of time off, so Benoit got the big IC title push instead.

Matt, Jeff and Terri are in the back to talk about the first ever tag team table match. Terri actually looks good here. They “won” her in the Terri Invitational Tournament (initials) so she’s their manager for awhile. This doesn’t last long as they realized Terri had no talent so that ended that. She was split from them by Mania I think. Anyway, the Dudleys have been putting people through tables so Matt and Jeff put them through some on Smackdown, leading to this match.

Taz says that he’s going to go right through this company.

Hardy Boys vs. Dudley Boys

Like I said, this is a table match. The Dudleys have been around for a few months here and were the best team that people had seen in forever as no one had seen two guys this violent in a mainstream promotion for more than a few weeks before. And no, Public Enemy doesn’t count due to a lack of talent. Bubba is still a southern stutterer here.

We get a John Rocker reference as Bubba says that’s his new favorite player. For those of you that have either forgotten him or haven’t ever heard of him, he was a decent relief pitcher for the Braves who went on this insane tirade one day, bashing just about every religious or ethnic group in existence and complaining that New York had all of them. It was a big deal and he got in a lot of trouble for it.

He was HATED in New York because of it so just saying his name was instant mega heat. There’s a taxi hanging above the entrance. The entry way is really cool as it looks like an alley or a street to play up the street fight later on. In this you have to put both people through tables so we’re guaranteed an extra table or so. Thankfully we don’t have the pointless tagging thing here.

Don’t you love how ECW had just gotten on television nationwide in late August and within five months three of their biggest stars ever are opening a WWF PPV to HUGE pops from the New York crowd? Yet Vince said he never stole stuff from them. Keep telling yourself that Vince. You just happened to have these three guys get their biggest exposure yet back to back in a gimmick match made famous in ECW in front of their second most important city?

I’m not saying it’s bad because it’s a great idea, but Vince stole these guys. Again, smart, but not original at all like he would like you to believe. Naturally Jeff is flying all over the place. Bubba takes a SWEET chair shot from Jeff. He follows that up by running along the barricade at Bubba, but the member of Team 3D picks up the table and just chucks it at Jeff, slamming into his head for a great sound effect. See, this is a great example of not overbooking a match.

With these four guys, there’s zero need to try to do something big and complex. Just tell these guys to go out there and beat the heck  out of each other using weapons and high spots. Honestly, what more do you need these guys to do? You just let the guys go out there and rock the place. This was the real answer to the Cruiserweights in WCW: bigger guys just going out there and having over the top gimmick matches. It seems to be working fine here, and it got people’s attention.

The Hardys get the advantage again and they set for a double suplex on Bubba from the middle rope, but D-Von moves the table. I’ve always loved spots like that, as the guy is more or less saying he doesn’t care if his partner is hurt or anything, as long as he doesn’t go through a table. That’s brilliant. Here’s your token ladder, which foreshadows and references past and future matches which is hard to do.

There are some SICK chair shots in this. Matt has Bubba on a table on the floor but D-Von almost makes a save. Matt shoves him straight into a fan which was a not so good looking spot. Matt gets the leg drop to put Bubba through, but from out of absolutely nowhere, Jeff jumps at the same time in a half splash half elbow half manbearpig onto Bubba. I mean he came from nowhere. Think Shelton jumping onto the ladder to stop I think Van Dam at Mania.

We have a huge HOLY CRAP chant as D-Von takes another great chair shot. Bubba can barely stand. I think he can still be in the match and it’s not an elimination. I’m not sure if I like that or not. In ANOTHER nice sequence, D-Von is on a table on the floor and Matt dives at him. He moves and stands in front of another table and dives out of the way so Jeff crashes through that one.

That looked like something out of a Die Hard movie. Bubba is back now and I’m completely into this match. They point out that since the Dudleys didn’t put them through tables, it’s not over. At least they follow the rules of the match. They set up an elevated table and power bomb Matt through it, which Ross says will cause some erection dysfunction. Don’t ask. I’ve always liked the euphoric thing Bubba did when he went through the tables. It was just cool.

The finish here is somehow the coolest part. They head to the entry way where the Dudleys set up double tables. They go up to the top of the set and get on the taxi, where Bubba tries to get a powerbomb. Jeff fights out of it and hits Bubba with a chair to knock him straight back off of it, which looks cool enough as is. After that, D-Von gets put on the table and the Swanton Bomb ends this freaking awesome match.

Rating: A. THIS WAS AWESOME! The spots were completely insane and the chemistry was undeniable here. The crowd ate it up too so it sounded great. There was no story here and there wasn’t supposed to be. There’s nothing wrong with just a wild brawl when it’s done right and this was a great example of that. Just all kinds of fun and the fans bought every bit of it.

Angle is groggy and acts like he has a concussion where he’s only concerned about being undefeated. It’s funnier than it sounds.

We’re now going to have the Miss Rumble pageant. This is coming off the heels of the Kat taking her top off at the last PPV and actually showing on screen for about 2-3 seconds which was a HUGE thing as nudity was actually shown on WWF TV with no issue about it. Of course then the PTC freaked the heck out about it as the company was apparently corrupting children’s minds by showing an adult image on a show that an adult had to order for their children on a show called Armageddon.

Dang, Vince really is trying so hard to corrupt the minds of the youth. It would be so simple to allow a 12 year old to see such a thing. All they would have to do is order a PPV while making sure to sound like an adult on the phone, find some way to keep their parents from noticing them watching it when a show they didn’t order is on, hide the cable bill from their parents and then manage to pay for the show themselves despite likely not having a checking account or a credit card.

I mean really Vince, at least have SOME kind of way to prevent kids from seeing the show. Anyway, this is a beauty pageant and according to the rating, there would be more nudity here. The judges are Slaughter, Tony Garea who no one under 35 knows, Fabulous Moolah, Johnny V and Freddie Blassie who gets a great pop. Lawler is the host for this. First up is Ivory who is wearing a big sweatshirt. Terri is second to a solid pop.

Jackie, who no one likes at all, is third. Fourth is a woman named Barbara Bush who was nicknamed BB and was an EMT or something. She lasted all of a month or two. Luna is 5th as this is going to take awhile. Kat is the final one and she gets a solid pop. She’s women’s champion at the moment. Of all people, the celebrity judge is ANDY RICHTER from “The Conan O’Brien Show.” Seriously that’s what they call it.

This is your standard thing so I’ll skip most of the details. Lawler’s jumping up and down is kind of funny. No one has ever cared about Jackie at all and no one does here either. This really is moronic. Luna, despite wearing a gown that is just buttoned in the front and a thong under it, won’t disrobe. Kat’s is made of bubble wrap. Yep, that’s your Women’s Champion.

Naturally Mae Young comes out and wants to compete also. She disrobes and takes her top off. The look on Lawler’s face when he sees them is priceless. That’s your nudity for the night, and yes, we see them. Mark Henry who was for no apparent reason dating Mae at the time comes out to cover her up. Mae wins unanimously. WZ actually had a link on the main page to a still shot of Mae’s chest. I wish I was making that up.

We go to WWF New York which is new to meet the debuting Coach. Good night that place would have been awesome to attend.

Don’t try this at home. Good advice.

Jericho and Chyna are in the back arguing about who should wear the belt. This was a very interesting angle they did where they were co champions. In other words, they could both defend the title individually but if say Jericho lost, Chyna lost too which made it something different. Unnecessary, but different.

Angle says that since he was choked out, he’s still undefeated.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

This is for the undisputed title. Holly is there because he’s beaten both of them one on one and it’s an even numbered year so we have to give him his next failure of a push. Seriously, he got more pushes than a grandmother that stands in front of a flight of stairs. Chyna was a big deal at the time as a woman legitimately competing with men was unheard of yet she was pulling it off.

Jericho is over to say the least. Jericho was awesome on the mic at this point as you could tell he was just so happy to be out of WCW. This is a standard match for the most part, which means one person goes down and the other two have a short singles match until the third comes back. Jericho is by far and away the favorite here. Chyna hits the handspring elbow which for the life of me I still don’t get the point of.

Chyna and Jericho keep vying to outdo each other and it’s not that interesting. Why in the world did Holly need to be in this? I just don’t get that. Holly takes a slow but decent Pedigree but kicks out anyway. They’re doing a lot of near falls near the end here, which at least is building a bit of drama. It’s not a bad match, but it’s just not that interesting. Jericho hits a Lionsault on Chyna to become undisputed champion, and that’s that.

Rating: C. Like I said, this wasn’t bad but it just wasn’t interesting at all. Holly flat out didn’t need to be in there since he wasn’t even involved in the decision. This wasn’t much, but it was ok and certainly watchable.

Rock, rocking the SWEET Brahma Bull jersey, is in the back with Cole and says that there are two people he’s worried about in the Rumble: Crash Holly and Mosh. Cole questions this so Rock says go have a glass of shut up juice. He calls out Big Show and says that he wants it to wind up as those two in the final pairing. The charisma here is completely ridiculous it’s so high. He really was a god on the mic.

Jericho cuts a traditionally great promo talking about how he’s going to lead the Jerichoholics to the promised land like a pied piper while holding up the Interchrisinental Title.

We recap the APA vs. the Outlaws, which is here because the APA won a battle royal thing.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. New Age Outlaws

After about a two minute entrance we’re ready to go. This match lasts two and a half minutes. The Acolytes beat the champions up. Or do they beat them down? I’m not sure actually. After a short mini match, X-Pac runs down and beats up Bradshaw, allowing Billy to his the Fameasser for the win.

I know that sounds like nothing but there’s just nothing at all to talk about. They brawled for 45 seconds, the Acolytes beat up the champions for a minute or so, then Pac was there for the finish. They much be setting up HHH/Foley for more time or something, which I’m fine with.

Rating: N/A. I can’t rate something this short at all.

Road Dogg says that even though they got beaten up they’re still the champions. You can’t argue that one.

We recap HHH vs. Foley, which started with HHH beating Show clean for the belt and having the McMahon-Helmsley Era run things. Foley calls them out and he’s fired due to losing a pink slip on a pole match. A fake Mankind (Mideon) showed up to make fun of him. Rock and the rest of the roster threatened to leave and form the Rock Wrestling Federation unless Foley was reinstated. Mankind comes back and HHH beats the heck out of him after agreeing to the street fight.

Then, in one of the coolest moments of this era as far as I’m concerned, Mankind comes out and says he’s not ready to fight HHH in a street fight, but he has a replacement ready to go. He pulls open his shirt and takes off the mask and turns into Cactus Jack. HHH is FREAKING and then gets his head handed to him by Jack, setting this up. The level of awesome that Foley was in this multiple personalities thing was just insane on so many levels.

WWF Title: Cactus Jack vs. HHH

Jack gets a crazy pop and HHH might as well be a Red Sock. Stephanie looks great as usual. I love HHH being so nervous about getting in the ring as it really plays up his being out of his element. The intros take just shy of eternity, but you hear in HHH’s My Time song the words The Marks, The Suits, McMahon. I guess those are people he doesn’t like, which is kind of cool. Finally we’re on.

Foley is called Mankind time after time by Ross. Ross is stuttering like no other. HUGE Cactus Jack chant gets going. It’s all Jack so far. And just as I say that HHH hits a bell shot to the head. Naturally it doesn’t do much. In shades of Rumble 98, Jack runs straight into a chair shot like he’s running home after a day of simple torture as a child. The crowd is hot here as Jack puts the chair on HHH’s head and drops a leg on it.

And that can shatter a skull right Cole? Ross says HHH might be the best technical champion in company history. I’m not even touching that one as it’s so freaking stupid. We hit the crowd and the crowd is making this match better. It’s been hard hitting so far but we’ve been at this five minutes so far. We’re in the entry way now and HHH is getting killed. Remember that the entry way is set up like an alley, so the trash cans being there at least make sense.

This is ALL Cactus here. I love how Foley can become such a better threat with the gimmick change. It really is brilliant. The crowd is rapidly approaching ECW levels here. Basically HHH keeps using his regular stuff and Jack keeps going insane on him with violent stuff. It’s a great bit of storytelling mixed in which almost never happens in these matches. Jack goes under the ring with HHH down and pulls out a 2×4 wrapped in barb wire. Oh yes.

Ross is of course freaking. Due to the idiot of a referee, HHH gets the board and puts Foley down with four stiff shots with it, all to the back and front. That’s brilliant actually as Foley is wearing a shirt which likely has padding underneath it. While I can’t imagine that’s real barb wire, the image is great and for people that aren’t sharp enough to see what’s going on here, it’s a great way to make this match seem about 10 times more violent.

It’s the little things like that which can make a match and it’s doing so here. A board shot to the lower back which is considered a low blow stops the momentum HHH has built up. I love how with low blows half the time they’re not even close to the groin. The crowd booing when the barb wire board is thrown out is just classic stuff. Twelve minutes in we have our first cover. That’s another nice touch as it makes it seem like it’s about the violence rather than the pin here, which is what it’s supposed to be. In case you can’t tell, I really like this match. Granted Foley is my all time favorite wrestler and this was by far his best period, so there we are.

The referee goes down and a barb wire shot to the face puts HHH down. Ross is selling this as insanity on a great level. HHH is bleeding and it’s a very good one. One is right next to his eye which looks even sicker. In a sick looking spot, HHH is trying to get out to the floor but Foley takes the board and the wire and puts it over the very cut forehead of HHH and just pulls back. The screaming is perfect as this match is awesome so far.

Ross here is great on the mic as he’s not getting insane through the whole match. He gets way into it in bursts which makes those moments seem more impressive. That’s the big issue with guys like Cole. He gets into the match WAY too early and it takes away from the later big spots. Ross gets into the big spots but other than that he’s rather calm which helps to build up later stuff, thereby adding credibility to the good stuff.

That’s the mark of a great commentator: they don’t take anything away from the match but they add so much to it, like Ross is doing here. I usually can’t stand him but this is great stuff from him. Jack goes through a table when he goes for a piledriver to get us back to even. HHH’s leg is bleeding, which is a very nice touch. Oddly the table that was destroyed wasn’t Spanish. That’s very odd indeed. MAN that’s a thick cut in his leg.

Cactus hits a bulldog onto the barb wire. One of the major keys here is that it’s completely unclear who is going to win. At the time, no one knew. That can completely make a match as in my eyes it’s the most important thing there is in wrestling. On the floor again, HHH gets a hip block onto the steps and Foley rams his knee into it. Using his generally good psychology, HHH goes for the knee with the barb wire.

The good thing is it’s still a sick thing to do despite how much it’s been used so far in this match alone. From nowhere HHH finds handcuffs and tries to put them on Foley, which after a brief comeback works. This is already a bit uneasy to watch but this is bringing flashbacks to last year. If nothing else there’s a bit of slack in these unlike last year so it looks a bit less awful if nothing else. Jack puts up a heck of a fight despite being in essence armless here. That’s just impressive.

I’ll go with this for how brutal this is: HHH actually breaks the chair from hitting Jack with it so hard. Has that ever happened before? With them back in the entry way, Jack begs HHH to hit him again, but Rock pops in from nowhere to half kill HHH with the chair. A cop pops in and unlocks Jack’s arms and we’re at it again, as the fans are right back into this thing. The piledriver works this time, but the table DOESN’T BREAK.

Think about that. How sick would that look? I mean HHH just stopped cold all of a sudden. We’re back in the ring now, as Jack pulls out a bag of thumbtacks. You have to remember, this is before Abyss made those look like watercolor paints. They were hardly ever used but they’re busting them out here. Jack goes into them via a backdrop just after Stephanie comes out. She’s wearing a leopard print choker, which is the same as Cactus’ boots in a nice little touch.

After that, the Pedigree gets two in what might have been the second cover of the match. Then to finish us off, in one of the sickest spots I’ve ever seen, Cactus gets Pedigreed onto the tacks for the pin. Jack is DEAD. HHH gets the belt and goes to the floor and just collapses. Stretchers come out and of course Jack is up to attack HHH one more time.

They would have a Cell match at No Way Out which was awesome as well where Foley would officially retire, and other than one match which was a surprise he kept true to that for the most part. I’m fine with short comebacks and occasional matches to put people over as he does so often. This made HHH look legit which is exactly what it was designed to do. This was awesome.

Rating: A+. Yes I’m being generous on the grades for this show, but DANG. These two half killed each other out there in easily the best brawl for the title I’ve ever seen. This was insanely violent and HHH came off looking great. There was a legit threat for Foley to take the title here which helped the drama a lot as well.

The blood was great and it added a completely new aspect to HHH’s character that’s still around today. These two beat the heck out of each other and it’s saying a lot when it’s Foley who has the job of making HHH look this great put into his hands, and luckily it worked and it worked very well. Go watch this match as it’s worth it. I’ve heard this match called the match of the decade and off the top of my head I can’t think of a better one.

After some generic interviews, it’s time.

Royal Rumble

D’lo Brown is number one and Grandmaster Sexay is 2nd. He gets a huge pop and we get more bad jokes about him not being Lawler’s kid. We’re doing 90 seconds here. X-Pac is 30th for reasons that would entail him winning some match no one remembered. Let the generic stuff begin. Granted they’re following a classic so there we go. I hate that laugh that Grandmaster does.

Mosh is third, dressed with two foot long cones sticking out of his chest. Kai En Tai runs out, despite not being in the match. They’re easily dispersed so that was completely pointless. They weren’t allowed in due to lack of room in case you were really bored. Mosh is hurt so we’re back to the original pairing while he hangs on the ropes. Christian, who has some of the most awesome music I’ve ever heard at this point, is 4th.

This is always the awkward part of the match as there aren’t enough people to have anything going yet and these guys have a combined chance of zero to do anything so few people really care but it’s better than nothing. Rikishi is 5th, 8 months before it turned out he tried to kill the biggest star in the world. He dumps everyone other than Grandmaster before anyone else comes out. That Rikishi Driver was a freaking awesome move.

Shockingly enough Scotty is 6th and we have the trio in the ring. You know what’s coming, and oddly enough I like this. It makes sense here. They’re all friends and even though it’s every man for themselves, this makes a lot of sense. The fans are very into it so that’s fine, and it doesn’t last long as Rikishi puts both guys out at the same time. I’m ok with that actually as it didn’t last long and it made sense.

Also, there’s still one guy there so it’s not like the next guy has to stand around waiting for a minute and a half. Things like this can work when done right, and this was done right. Also, the fans loved it so that automatically makes it far more ok. Rikishi’s nipples are really close together and it’s very odd looking. After they’re gone, Rikishi dances on his own a bit more. Steve Blackman is in at 7 and is gone in about 45 seconds.

See this right here is something the Rumble can be great at. Rikishi is a somewhat big star here, but he’s getting to show off here and he looks far more impressive now than he did when he came in. That’s a very simple way to get someone over and it worked here. Viscera is 8th and he actually hits a belly to belly on Rikishi. Three super kicks and a shoulder block and Big Daddy V is gone. Again, by just putting out a guy at a time he looks great and dominant.

They’re pushing him without him actually winning a match. Boss Man is 9th but he very slowly gets in. He stands on the floor and lets someone else come in to help him, which is smart. Granted this was considered a violation of the rules back in I think 94 but we can ignore that I think. Test comes in at 10 to a big old pop. I know it sounds absurd now, but he really could have gotten a brief title run sometime around here.

He should have gotten it at Survivor Series, but granted I can’t complain about going with Show when they did as he was completely dominant around that time. British Bulldog is 11th. One good thing here is there’s no dead weight in there to slow things down. Having people like Mosh and Grandmaster to fill out the roster is fine, but there’s no point to having them stay in there a long time, and here you can see why.

They were in the Rumble and there was no chance of them doing anything, so they got out early. It’s clear that the people in there now are higher up on the ladder and they’re in later, which makes them even possible dark horses to steal the thing. That’s very smart booking and some of the best I can ever remember for the Rumble.

Gangrel is 12th to get some jobbers in there which is fine to an extent. Kai En Tai runs out again and get thrown out with Gangrel just KILLING Taka. The bump he takes over the ropes is great as he over rotates and his face slams into the floor and bounces off. Edge is 13th to a solid pop. We get the Taka bump again to the delight of the king. BOB BACKLUND is 14th to a great pop.

Does this guy age? He’s 51 here and looks like he did 20 years ago. A ton of guys get together and throw out Rikishi. I’m impressed by Backlund. He looks great all things considered. Jericho is 15th as I’m loving the booking here. A few things are happening. They’re having little mini stories thrown in here and there to keep the match fresh and it’s working like a charm. It’s keeping the crowd entertained and they’re responding very well.

It’s a smart way to build up to the final guys which is the best way to go. This has been a very good Rumble. Jericho puts out Backlund. Crash Holly is 16th as I’ve never seen the resemblance to Elroy Jetson that everyone says exists. Chyna is 17th as Lawler starts picking everyone as being Rock. She puts Jericho out by suplexing him over the ropes but Boss Man puts her out seconds later.

To recap we have Gangrel, Edge, Test, Boss Man, Bulldog and Crash and they’re joined by Farrooq. The Mean Street Posse comes out as apparently they’re mad about not being in either. Boss Man puts out Farrooq due to their interference. Road Dogg is 19th. We’re kind of hitting a dead spot here as Al Snow is in at number 20. Road Dogg puts out Bulldog as JR makes dog jokes. Venis is 21st. Funaki is thrown out for the third time as Taka is apparently hurt.

That clip never gets old as they show it again. Prince Albert (A-Train) is 22nd as Edge is thrown out by Snow and Venis. Hardcore Holly is next. Amazingly enough, he gets no reaction. Rock is 24th to a HUGE reaction. There goes Boss Man. Billy Gunn is next as we’re getting close to the ending now. There goes Crash by the Rock. Road Dogg has hidden in the corner and has his arms and legs wrapped around the ropes. That’s rather smart.

Big Show is 26th. Rock hits him before he gets in and the pop is there. Test is gone in about 4 seconds. Gangrel lasts a bit longer than Test did against Big Show, making it about 8 seconds. Show still has long hair here so he looks more intimidating. Bradshaw is 27th and the Posse helps the Outlaws put him out with ease. Kane is 28th and we’re getting to the good part now. Tori looks AMAZING in this little black dress.

Kane puts out Snow in a few seconds and then Albert shortly thereafter. Godfather is 29th. I remember my father thinking he could have won this. Thankfully we don’t have a 20 second shot of the women to waste time. Funaki is back again and the joke is stupid now. X-Pac is in at 30 so our final group is X-Pac, Rock, Show, Kane, Snow, Billy Gunn, Road Dogg, Godfather and Holly.

Again note how this is a good thing: there are potential winners in there instead of just one guy that you know is going to get it. Holly is out and we’re down to 8. There goes Godfather as I type that. Snow is gone. Gunn puts out Road Dogg and Kane puts him out within a span of 5 seconds to bring us down to Rock, Show, Pac and Kane. At least the biggest four of the final 9 are left. Kane goes under the ropes to fight the Outlaws for no apparent reason.

X-Pac is thrown out but no one sees it. Kane and Big Show fight over a chokeslam as Kane slams him in a cool spot. Pac puts out Kane despite not being in there officially I guess. The Bronco Buster sucks the life out of this thing for me. Show throws him out with ease and we’re down to the best pairing possible with Big Show and Rock. The elbow gets a great pop. Show gets a chokeslam though to get crazy heat.

Show sets him for kind of a powerslam move which at least makes sense to throw him over but Rock grabs the top rope and Show goes over instead while Rock slides in under the bottom rope. Later on there would be a story where Show says that Rock’s feet actually touched and he had video to prove it. That led to Rock vs. Show at No Way Out for the Mania spot which Show won.

Vince came out and said that yes, Big Show was going to Mania, but the deal never said Rock wasn’t, so we got a triple threat. For no apparent reason, that match happened on Raw the Monday before. Linda then came out and said that it would be a four way at Mania, including the unretired for one night only Mick Foley.

There was a McMahon in every corner as they made sure that the main event of Wrestlemania was again about them instead of the wrestlers. But enough about that as this Rumble was great.

Rating: A-. This is how the Rumble is supposed to be done. Take a look at how they did this. You had the guys that were there to fill in the 30 spots in there first to make sure they were in and had an actual chance. Then we got the smartest move of the match: having Rikishi dominate.

This does a few things: it allows the jobbers to be cleared out as well as making Rikishi look good AND it offers a bridge to the next segment of the match where guys like Test and Boss Man could come in and hang around until we got to the final batch of guys. That’s very smart booking and it made this match work very well.

The Kai En Tai jokes were funny for the most part but it got to being overkill at the end. I was very happy with this whole match though as even though I knew the ending like the back of my hand, it worked and had me entertained. Excellent Rumble.

Overall Rating: A. This is a GREAT show. There’s one stupid part with the tag titles but if that was done to give the two main events more time then I’m completely fine with it. There was still a match there and they didn’t try to put an emphasis on a match that few would have been the most interested in rather than taking away from two great main events.

This was validation that the company could thrive without Austin and while I think he brings a lot to the table, he needed to go away for awhile to let some others get to his level. That was the issue: Rock or HHH or other people couldn’t get up to where Austin was because he was so high up there that it was impossible for anyone to touch him. His time taking time off gave everyone else a year to catch up, which was exactly what they needed. Definitely worth checking out.

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Smackdown – January 13, 2012 – AJ Gets Squashed

Smackdown
Date: January 13, 2012
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

Another Friday, another Smackdown. The main event tonight is Show vs. Bryan again, but this time it’s no DQ and no countout. They’re stacking the deck against Bryan, but that means he’ll probably escape with the title as that’s how most of these matches work on these big TV shows. Should be interesting though. Let’s get to it.

They do the thing where the show starts with what seems like a promo.

Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is Perez Hilton, who WWE.com says will be refereeing a match on Raw.

Lillian opens the show by bringing out Daniel Bryan. The fans don’t seem thrilled to see him. He’s being booed now but it’s not full blown yet. Once he talks about Big Show and defeating him last week it is though. Bryan says the fans on the message rooms and chatrooms (seriously?) because those people saying that he goaded Henry into doing that are wrong.

Bryan calls for Henry’s suspension for ruining the match and here’s Henry in the flesh. He yells at Bryan and says he had a meeting with Teddy as well. Due to Bryan goading him, he’s banned from ringside tonight. Bryan says that’s good so Henry calls him Tiny Tim. If Henry stays out of it tonight, he gets a shot next week.

Kofi says don’t try this at home, school or anywhere.

Justin Gabriel vs. Heath Slater

This is due to Gabriel making the save last week after Slater attacked Hornswoggle. They speed things up to start as Booker says Slater is just some guidance away from being something special. Gabriel kicks him in the face to take over but walks into a neckbreaker for two. Slater goes up but Horny’s music hits. The distraction lets Gabriel knock him down so that the 450 can get Gabriel the win at 2:46.

Bryan is warming up when AJ comes up. She’s proud of him and says she loves him. She leaves and Bryan seems pleased.

The Rumble Moment is from 1998 with Austin winning his first.

Here’s Cody to make fun of the people in Laredo only speaking Spanish. He wants to remind everyone that he’s been IC Champion for five months, which is cinco if the people are confused. He lists off some names he’s been champion longer than. Cody says he’s going to pull an Ultimate Warrior (which could mean a lot of things. His words, not mine) but he means being a double champion. He officially announces that he’s in the Rumble.

Ezekiel Jackson vs. Cody Rhodes

Cody takes over to start and Cole gets into it with Booker in possibly record time. Rhodes stomps him down and Josh does his usual job of getting us back on track by asking Booker what his thoughts are on Cody’s plans to be a double champion. Booker says good luck and it’s back to him vs. Cole. Total squash as the Beautiful Disaster and Cross Rhodes end this at 2:15.

You still shouldn’t try this at home.

Edge’s HOF video.

Santino is giving Teddy some new match ideas. A cage match with a giant cage with a medium cage inside and a small cage inside of that. Santino’s next idea is to go back and reverse Jack Tunney’s decision about allowing reptiles at ringside. Teddy has no idea what he’s talking about so Otunga pops up. They talk about the Rumble and David is here to get the names of the Smackdown guys in the Rumble. This turns into Santino vs. Otunga later. They leave and someone knocks. Teddy thinks it’s Aksana but it’s McIntyre. Teddy says he’s getting close to being fired so win tonight. Drew tries to talk but gets thrown out.

Drew McIntyre vs. Ted DiBiase

Hunico and Camaco on the BICYCLE OF DEATH come out pre match. Drew hits a very fast big boot for two. Hunico jumps in on commentary as Drew is knocked to the floor where DiBiase hits a nice suicide dive. Drew takes over again and I think Camacho is on commentary as well. Hunico says DiBiase should have one of his parties in the barrio. DiBiase comes back with the following clothesline for two. Ted jumps into a punch which gets two for McIntyre. Camacho says Hunico saved his life in the barrio which is why Camacho hangs out with him. Drew gets crotched on the top and Dream Street ends this at 3:46.

Rating: D+. Nothing here but the main idea was to have Hunico and Camacho further the story with Ted which is fine. Not a great match or anything but it did its job and that’s all it needed to do. I’m still amazed at how far Drew has fallen since he was so dominant for so long. It really goes to show you what getting beaten up by a blonde in a hotel room can do to your career.

Video on Wade Barrett’s career accomplishments thus far.

Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal

Mahal says something we can’t understand but apparently it translates to he’s going to win the Rumble. Sheamus pounds him into the corner, beating him like a stepchild as he’s done in almost all of their matches. He loads up the Cross but Jinder rolls to the floor. Slingshot shoulder gets two. There are the forearms in the ropes but Mahal gets in an elbow to escape. A jumping knee to the face gets one. Neckbreaker gets two and there’s the chinlock. Sheamus powers out of it and now hits the forearms. Top rope shoulder puts Jinder down and the Brogue Kick ends this at 3:53.

Rating: D+. For the life of me I do not understand what they want to do with Mahal. They had him run through jobbers to start, then they had him come back against DiBiase now they have him get built up for a bit but Sheamus beats him about 4 times in about 15 minutes combined. I don’t get it. This was just a step above a squash.

The referee is talking to Show in the back. Show says he knows the rules and everything is cool. Cue AJ who comes up to Show’s nipples. She’s worried about Daniel but Show says he’s not out to hurt Daniel. Bryan pops up and accuses Show of trying to steal his girl. Show says the title has changed Bryan and he’s not sure if it’s for the better. After tonight, that won’t be a problem. Show leaves and Bryan asks AJ if Show intimidated her. AJ says no and Bryan says he won’t let anything happen to her.

Don’t be a bully.

Another Rumble Moment: HHH wins in 2002.

Santino Marella vs. David Otunga

I don’t see the string of short matches being broken here. They go to the mat quickly with Santino being in control. Otunga takes him down and yells a lot but gets rolled up for two. An elbow drop gets two for David. Santino comes back with his usual stuff but the Cobra is blocked. Otunga grabs him into a fireman’s carry but tilts him down, driving him into kind of a reverse Emerald Flowsion. Imagine the same style move but starting in a Samoan Drop position instead of a powerslam position. Either way it gets the pin at 2:12.

The Horsemen are going to the HOF.

Still don’t try this at home. They’re drilling this into us tonight. Not a bad thing but they’re saying it a lot.

Raw ReBound eats up some time. Ryder isn’t severely hurt. Thank goodness.

IT’S FUNKASAURUS TIME!!!

Brodus Clay vs. Tyson Kidd

He gets the same entrance as on Raw, and the biggest thing he’s got going for him: he’s giving this everything he’s got. That sentence took longer than the match. Cross body and we’re done in 12 seconds. Literally, that’s it. You can’t say he’s forgettable.

Teddy is dancing to Clay’s song when Aksana comes in. She asks about the show in Vegas next week and Teddy implies stuff happening there. She wants to go to the roulette tables so she can hit on black. That chokes Teddy up but he says he’s fine.

Video on Santino, who is apparently tough.

Another Rumble video, this time on Shawn.

Tamina vs. Natalya

Natalya starts fast with a slap and suplex for two. Samoan drop, Superfly Splash, pin at 56 seconds. WHY DO THEY BOTHER WITH THESE THINGS???

As Tamina is leaving, Barrett comes out. I don’t think they’re related though. He says he’s not impressed by Sheamus, that he’ll win the Rumble, and God save the Queen. And that’s it. Ok then.

Same Kofi promo from earlier. That’s 4 times tonight.

Sheamus vs. Barrett next week, along with Henry’s title shot.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan

No DQ and no countout here with Henry getting the winner next week. AJ comes out too and my goodness she looks good. Bryan offers a handshake but Show gorilla presses him instead. There are the chops in the corner and a big toss. Bryan can sell quite well. Bryan gets in a few kicks in the corner but as he goes up, Show spears him out of the air and Bryan falls to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Show putting Bryan on the table and slapping him hard. Bryan manages to get a chair and hit about ten shots. Show shrugs them off and gets the chair. Bryan looks TERRIFIED. Show is smiling and the fans are cheering for him. Bryan manages to knock him off the apron and hit a few more shots but Show knocks it away again like it’s nothing. Back in the ring more kicks don’t do much to Show. A DDT onto the chair gets two and a power kickout from Show. Show slaps Bryan’s chest and takes over again.

Chokeslam is countered and Bryan hits a chop block. Back to the chair but Show punches it back, sending it partially into Bryan’s face. They go outside and Show sets up the announce table. Bryan breaks up the chokeslam and hits about 4 more chair shots, bringing the total up to around 20. He tries the running knee off the apron but jumps into a chop. Bryan runs and Show accidentally runs over AJ. The match is stopped and we’re done at roughly 8:15 shown of roughly 11:45.

Rating: C-. I liked the idea here, but at the end of the day we got the point about halfway through this: Bryan can’t hurt Show no matter what he does to him. After we established that, they basically did the same thing over and over again. It wasn’t a bad match, but it was repetitive. That’s what I was kind of worried about when this feud started.

AJ goes out on a stretcher. Show looks like he’s about to cry. It didn’t look like there was a ton of contact but the size difference makes up for it I guess. Bryan rips into Show, yelling about how the title isn’t worth this and calls Show a bastard. But did Show’s mama say so? Show is distraught to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. One thing Smackdown is really good at: they cover A LOT of stuff in one show. There were 8 matches, and yes most of them were really short, but it’s an old school style as it allows them to cover a bunch of stories in one show. With the Rumble coming up, most of the roster is only really going to be able to say that they’re going to win the Rumble and that’s about it. The PPV will be about four matches long so most of the people have no reason to get into major stories, which is fine. Good show, but the short matches got a bit annoying.

Results
Justin Gabriel b. Heath Slater – 450 Splash
Cody Rhodes b. Ezekiel Jackson – Cross Rhodes
Ted DiBiase b. Drew McIntyre – Dream Street
Sheamus b. Jinder Mahal – Brogue Kick
David Otunga b. Santino Marella – Over the shoulder piledriver
Brodus Clay b. Tyson Kidd – Cross body
Tamina b. Natalya – Superfly Splash
Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan went to a no contest

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Smackdown – January 6, 2012 – Make Mark Henry A Commentator!

Smackdown
Date: January 6, 2012
Location: Verizon Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

I’m presuming Booker will be on commentary here. Anyway tonight we have a double main event with two title matches. First of all we have Booker challenging Cody for the IC Title in their rubber match in what should be good. We also get Bryan defending the world title against Big Show in what should be an interesting match as I’m really not sure how well Bryan will be able to manage against a monster. He’s a great seller though which should help. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video of Orton vs. Barrett last week.

Booker isn’t on commentary.

Intercontinental Title: Booker T vs. Cody Rhodes

Feeling out process to start and Booker has a very mild advantage. Cody takes over and works on the arm. They chop it out with Booker winning. They’re starting slowly here which implies they’ll have a lot of time to work with. Booker sends him to the floor where he gets dropped onto the railing. We take a break with Rhodes in control. Back with the same circumstances, just in the ring this time.

Backslide gets two for the challenger as does a big kick. Rhodes blocks a shot into the corner and tries the top rope standing moonsault, which only partially hits. Cody seemed to have hurt his leg coming down. He isn’t limping so maybe it was just a quick flash of pain. Off to a double arm hold, as in imagine if Booker is sitting down and Cody has Booker’s arms like he’s trying a double arm DDT or butterfly suplex.

Spinebuster takes Cody down but Booker can’t hit the scissors kick or the Book End. The second attempt at the kick gets two. Big reaction on the kickout too. Cody gets up and sends Booker into the corner where he sets for the Jack Brisco sunset flip but Cody stays in the middle of the ring. Booker tries a side kick but Cody ducks and hits the Beautiful Disaster for the pin at 9:12 shown of 12:42.

Rating: C+. Pretty good match and they made Booker look good here as it came off like he got caught rather than he got beat. I’ve heard rumors he might have something else like this and I wouldn’t be all that opposed to it. There’s nothing wrong with a guy that still gets a reaction from the crowd being used to put someone over like he did for Rhodes here.

Cody is walking in the back and Dustin pops up to congratulate him on a big victory. Cody yells at him, saying this is why they don’t talk. He’s already more of a success than his brother and he might be a better one than his dad. If Dustin considers putting on the gold paint for one more run, think twice because he’s a joke but not a laughing stock. Cody can change that though, so don’t try it.

Ryder is with Teddy and says he’s stepping down as assistant to the GM. Drew pops in but Ryder offers up Santino to be the new assistant, which is accepted. Zack leaves and Santino mentions some of the things he can do for Teddy, including syncing his iPod. As for Drew, he’s got Santino tonight and if he loses, he’s on very thin ice. If Santino wins, he’s officially the assistant. Drew leaves and here’s Aksana. Santino leaves while the two of them make dinner plans.

Royal Rumble moment: Cena returns. Screw WWE.com’s list. That’s the #1 moment in the history of the Rumble…..maybe. It’s probably either that or Hogan vs. Warrior. Either way it’s better than their’s: Shawn survives from #1.

Alicia is talking to AJ and AJ is really happy with Daniel. She’s worried about his match though. Bryan pops up to a pop which I don’t buy. He brags about beating Big Show and Alicia leaves. AJ is nervous about the match and Bryan is very confident. Sex is implied for later.

Hornswoggle vs. Heath Slater

This is an over the top rope challenge, so basically a two man battle royal. Horny looks at something in the lights and when Slater looks, Horny stomps on his foot. Slater chokes in the corner as we’re certainly in a comedy match. Horny tries a middle rope cross body but gets caught. Slater tries to dump him but Horny uses leverage and hair for the win at 1:37. This was just for the kids.

Slater beats him down post match but Gabriel makes the save. He hits the 450 and we cut to a very closeup shot on Slater, as in it looked like it was about a foot from his body on the mat and pointed at the corner.

Don’t be a bully.

Ted DiBiase vs. Hunico

Camacho, the bodyguard, has a mic. Oh wait it’s Hunico with the mic and Camacho is riding the bike. Both of them talk and aren’t happy that they didn’t get invited to join the DiBiase Posse. That Lowrider bike just isn’t working for me. Hunico tries to speed things up to start and hooks a headscissors which DiBiase countered into kind of a reverse sitout powerbomb. That could be a solid finisher if used by some power guy.

Hunico takes it to the mat and hooks a Fujiwara Armbar. DiBiase comes back and hits some dropkicks but Dream Street is countered. The arm goes into the buckle and Hunico locks in one of the weirdest pinning combinations I’ve ever seen. Basically DiBiase looked like he was in a backslide but Hunico was on one knee with DiBiase’s legs on his shoulders and was looking the other way. No idea what that’s called but it gets the pin at 3:06.

Rating: C. I liked this a lot as there was some basic psychology in it. Hunico worked on the arm which weakened DiBiase’s finisher, then DiBiase couldn’t hit Dream Street, Hunico went back to the arm and it led straight to the finish. Now why can’t we see something that simple a lot more often?

At the end of the day though, they’re riding away on a bicycle. Not working for me.

Here’s Barret and apparently this is supposed to be an update on Orton. Barrett says he’ll be handling this update instead of the doctors. We see a clip of the end of the show last week. As for the medical update, he has a herniated disc. As for his career update, he’s done. Oh sure he might try to come back someday but his mental edge is gone.

That brings us to the Royal Rumble in Orton’s hometown, where Orton will have to sit in the crowd and watch him win. There isn’t a single superstar that can stop him from winning. Cue Sheamus with a rebuttal. I like the idea of this feud as Sheamus needs something to do until the Rumble and Barrett can’t get to Bryan yet while the monsters are still after him. Sheamus says Barrett is like his uncle: a big talker, but just a sheepherder. Well at least he’s not a bushwhacker. However the uncle had been kicked in the head as a child so he wasn’t all there. Now what’s Barrett’s excuse?

They’re about to fight when they’re interrupted by…..Jinder Mahal? He doesn’t say anything but slaps Sheamus in the face. Sheamus fights them off but sets for a Celtic Cross on Barrett. Mahal gets in a shot but Sheamus destroys him again. Sheamus walks into Winds of Change and Barrett leaves. Sheamus gets put in a camel clutch and Jinder stands tall. Why are they going with this match again? Sheamus has destroyed him every time they’ve been together and they’re doing it again? Why? Hopefully so it’ll lead to Barrett vs. Sheamus, which is what it probably is.

We recap the Show/Bryan/Henry ordeal at TLC.

Santino Marella vs. Drew McIntyre

If Santino wins he’s the assistant to the GM and Drew is on very thin ice. Santino does his splits and hammers away. Drew comes back with a suplex, getting two. Futureshock is countered but Drew keeps control. Drew sets up a superplex but Santino slips off the top (intentionally) and sends Drew into the post. Cobra ends this at 2:28. Cole: “We’re going to go the way of WCW with these two running the show.” I’m fine with Santino here as it’s going to be played for comedy and it gives him something to do. No harm no foul here as Drew isn’t doing anything anyway.

In the back, Drew is freaking out when Teddy comes in. Drew says that can’t count because of a greased rope or something. Teddy says that’s strike two and next week, if it’s strike three he very well may be out.

Epico/Primo vs. Air Boom

Non-title here. Rosa is rather enjoying to watch. We haven’t seen the champs in awhile. I think that’s Epico starting with Bourne. Bourne lands on his feet out of a snapmare attempt and it’s off to Kofi. The champs combine to do AJ Styles’ dropdown to the dropkick spot. Rosa: “Ay caramba!” Off to Primo as we hear about Epico playing baseball at Western Michigan University. Kofi gets in a shot and double tags bring in Bourne and Primo. Bourne speeds things up and everything breaks down. Kofi sets to dive but Rosa blocks I think Primo. Bourne tries Air Bourne but Epico pulls Primo out and Bourne crashes, getting pinned at 3:50.

Rating: C-. The match was ok with a little change of pace since it’s usually Kofi that plays cleanup. I’m really not wild on the way Epico and Primo seem to be getting their push towards the title here because they’ve already lost to the champs a few times so now why should they be getting more shots? It’s FAR too common of a way of building to a title match and I’ve never been a fan of it.

Big Show says that tonight he’ll be conscious and he’ll get the title back. Bryan may be a good wrestler….and here he is. Bryan comes off like a total jerk here, talking about how Show is all natural and Bryan had to work to get where he is. If Bryan had been born as big as Show is, it wouldn’t have been 9 years between his title reigns. Show puts his hand on his shoulder and says don’t make me hurt you out there. Bryan doesn’t like being touched and is very defensive about it. Pretty heelish promo by Bryan here.

Sheamus vs. Jinder next week.

Natalya vs. Tamina

We get a quick highlight package of both of their papas before the match. Natalya takes her down quickly and pounds away at Tamina, shouting about family. Tamina tries a cross body but bounces off Natalya instead of falling on top of her. A Samoan Drop sets up the Superfly Splash and we’re done at 1:42. Standard Divas match anymore.

Raw ReBound.

Still don’t be a bully. If we have to Stand Up For WWE this fall again I’ll pull my hair out.

The same Rumble moment from Raw is shown here: Hacksaw winning it.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan

Henry joins us for commentary, probably giving away the ending already. We get big match intros. Cole asks Henry who would win between Bryan and Hornswoggle. Henry GOES OFF, ranting about how that has nothing to do with this match and how it has nothing to do with him not having the title, which is all that matters here. Henry: “If you don’t got nothing intelligent to say, don’t say nothing at all.”

Show charges right at Bryan so the champ has to use speed maneuvers. Josh asks Henry if he thinks it’s fair that Show gets the first shot. Henry says no so Josh points out that Show was the champion that Bryan beat. He gets cut off by Henry who tells Josh to shut up. I’m LOVING Henry on commentary here. He’s all ticked off and tells people what he thinks. Show grabs him by the throat and throws him to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Bryan firing away kicks to no effect. He goes to the floor and after a quick switch, Bryan hits a baseball slide to send Show back to the table. Henry: “Why you all jumping?” Cole: “It might have something to do with a 500lb man coming at us.” A plancha is caught but Show’s knees go into the post. His head does the same and Bryan tries to win via countout. Back in and Show is mad.

Bryan manages to get his to his knees and fires off the kicks which have no effect. Cole and Henry are cracking me up with Henry refusing to admit he’s wrong on anything, even stuff that makes no sense and scaring Cole into agreeing. That’s what a monster should do. Bryan goes outside again so Show pulls him up by the hair. FREAKING OW MAN! Bryan tries something off the top but jumps into a chop. Show comes out of the corner and spears Bryan down for a very delayed two.

Henry is standing up now. He actually gives Bryan credit for kicking out of that. Show pulls the straps down and calls for the chokeslam but Bryan counters into a guillotine. Why Show doesn’t use his free hand to punch Bryan in the ribs is beyond me but whatever. Bryan is bleeding from the mouth and he shifts to a LeBell Lock. Show breaks it pretty easily and pulls up the big punch but Bryan hits the floor. Bryan gets in Henry’s face and Henry shoves him, so Bryan yells to the referee and it’s a DQ. Total heel move there by Bryan. Match ran 6:17 shown of 9:47.

Rating: C-. Well it wasn’t awful and Bryan made it more believable than I’d expect but the ending is a good thing. Without a ton of cheating or making Show look like an idiot, there aren’t many ways you can conceivably have Bryan win here. Show easily breaking the LeBell Lock was a good example of it. Bryan does know a bunch of holds, but Show is so big and powerful that it’s a stretch to believe he can keep Show in them. I’m interested in this heel turn that Bryan is heavily teasing though.

Bryan does the huge post match celebration as usual.

Overall Rating: B-. Not a great show but I thought this was pretty good. We got some stories advanced tonight and some new stuff like Barrett vs. Sheamus set up. Bryan’s heelish ways are interesting as he can only be interesting as the face champion that escapes with the title for so long. Good show here and a good way to start the new year.

Results
Cody Rhodes b. Booker T – Beautiful Disaster
Hornswoggle b. Heath Slater – Slater hit the floor
Hunico b. Ted DiBiase – Bridging Rollup
Santino Marella b. Drew McIntyre – Cobra
Epico/Primo b. Air Boom – Epico pinned Bourne after a missed Air Bourne
Tamina b. Natalya – Superfly Splash
Daniel Bryan b. Big Show via disqualification when Mark Henry interfered

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Smackdown – December 30, 2011 – In An Elevator? Really?

Smackdown
Date: December 30, 2011
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

It’s the final show of the year and we close things out with the Blue Guys. As long as it’s not Blue Meanie I’m cool with that. Anyway tonight we should get some advancement in the three way world title feud. I hope they don’t make Bryan look like a joke in this that can’t get in any offense and has to escape with whatever kind of win he can get. Those title reigns completely defeat the purpose of being a champion. Then again so does MITB in general but whatever. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about Barrett vs. Orton. Their match tonight is the main event and it’s falls count anywhere. I’m curious to see how this ends, which I’m sure you’ve heard about already.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is the number 2012, since I’ll be writing 2011 for at least two more weeks.

Here’s Booker coming out to do commentary. You know, his job. I wonder if he gets his pay docked for being late like this. He talks about how this has been a great year for him, starting with the Rumble and then joining the commentary booth. Then on Monday he beat Cody Rhodes and that’s all because of the fans. He goes for his catchphrase but here’s Cody to interrupt him.

Cody makes fun of local spots teams and the Indy 500 because that’s what heels do. No seriously, it’s a fine way to get the crowd booing you so why not do it? Rhodes talks about his year, ranging from being injured to beating Mysterio to winning the IC Title. Then he took a washed up announcer and pushed him to regain some of his former glory. Booker says that when he beat Cody on Monday, he wasn’t that washed up. If Cody respected the business, he’d be congratulating Booker right now.

The champ actually agrees and says that he doesn’t want to come off as some kind of bitter jerk because he’s better than that. He actually congratulates Booker and offers a handshake. Booker shakes it and gets in his face a bit but turns to leave. Cody says of course now this is all over. Booker isn’t sure what he means by that, but Cody says the fairy tale is over and Booker is nothing but a nostalgia act. If Booker keeps competing, his skills will be exposed as being gone. If he goes back to announcing, he’ll be exposed as an illiterate moron. In short, Booker is a joke.

Cue….Dustin Rhodes? He comes out to the Goldust music but he’s in a suit and no makeup. Dustin says he loves his brother very much but Cody is going about this all wrong. Booker is someone that Cody should respect because it was Booker that inspired Dustin to face his demons and make a comeback. Dustin gets the idea of building your own legacy, but don’t do it at Booker’s expense. Cody knows better than this.

Cody chuckles at this and says that as soon as Booker stopped teaming with him, Dustin fell back into those demons and then into utter obscurity. Booker gets in Cody’s face and asks for a third match with Cody since it’s one apiece at the moment. He wants to do it right now but Cody says we’ll do it next week. Booker says that next week it’ll be a celebration when he becomes the new Intercontinental Champion. Booker leaves and Cody beats Dustin down. Booker makes the save but Cody is long gone. Not a bad opening segment.

Tonight’s main event: it’s a tag team match!

Ted DiBiase vs. Jinder Mahal

If DiBiase is supposed to be this everyman now, shouldn’t he lose the I’m Rich theme song? They exchange quick control to start but Mahal keeps his, hitting a Vader Bomb knee drop for two. The crowd isn’t exactly thrilled by DiBiase vs. Legs Mahal here. Ted gets in a few shots to slow Mahal down but tweeks his knee coming off the top. A Downward Spiral (so fed up with that move) sets up the Camel Clutch and Dibiase surprisinly taps at 2:50. Didn’t see that one coming.

Teddy is talking about his New Year’s Eve party tomorrow night when Aksana comes in. More flirtations are made and Drew McIntyre comes in. He’s been signed back to Smackdown and Teddy is willing to forgive him. Drew isn’t going to get paid what he was getting earlier when his career has fallen apart. He gets Big Zeke tonight and if he doesn’t win, his job might be in jeopardy. Drew talks about the time he made Teddy beg for mercy and says that’s nothing compared to what he’ll do to Jackson.

Alicia Fox/Kaitlyn vs. Natalya/Tamina

Tamina looks better with straight hair. The lack of JTG helps a lot also. Tamina vs. Kaitlyn starts us off. The evil ones take over on Kaitlyn and beat her down. Something like a Michinoku Driver by Natalya does nothing here as Kaitlyn makes the tag about two seconds later. Alicia hits the axe kick on Nattie for the pin at 1:34. Why do they bother with these matches? I honestly don’t know.

Tamina beats up Natalya post match, including a Superfly Splash.

Don’t be a bully.

Raw ReBound eats up some time.

We get a standard recap of Show vs. Otunga on Monday with Henry coming in as well. Bryan made the save.

Speaking of Bryan, he’s in the back talking with AJ (who looks GREAT tonight in a black cut off top and jeans) about how he saved Big Show. Show comes up and asks to talk to Bryan alone. Show says that giants don’t really need to be saved. Teddy comes in and says that the tag match main event won’t be happening tonight as Otunga wants a rematch with Show. Henry will be in his corner. Bryan implies he’ll have Show’s back but doesn’t exactly say it.

Justin Gabriel vs. Hunico

I think there’s new music for Gabriel but I’m not 100% sure. Hunico comes out on a lowrider bicycle with his new bodyguard who used to be in FCW and is named Camacho here. I don’t remember his FCW name. Further investigations (as in I looked it up on Wikipedia) says that his name there is Donny Marlow and his dad is more famous as Meng or Haku.

Cole says he has a lot of knowledge about lowrider bicycles. Hunico gets sent to the floor and Gabriel misses a dive. Cole gives us the history of lowrider bikes and all I can think of is….why? There’s something about Eddie Munster mentioned in there. Justin misses a springboard something coming back in but hits a powerbomb style move to take over. Hunico breaks up the 450 and brings Gabriel down so that the Swanton can end this at 1:48. This was nothing and Camacho didn’t get involved at all.

Hunico/Camacho hit something like Cryme Tyme’s old finisher to leave Gabriel on the mat (Samoan Drop/neckbreaker combo).

Big Show vs. David Otunga

If nothing else we get the big knockout punch from last week which still looks great. Otunga has really long arms. Henry gets his own entrance. Show beats him down as Otunga tries to get in whatever offense he can. David bails to the floor where Henry gives him something resembling a pep talk. Back in a shoulder block puts Otunga down as does a corner splash. Henry gets on the apron to distract from the chokeslam and Otunga hits a chop block and DDT for two. Henry goes to get in the ring but Bryan pops up with a belt shot to stop him. The big punch knocks Otunga out cold at 3:24.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here and that’s about it. Bryan coming out didn’t really mean anything or add anything as it wasn’t like Show needed help. Also it doesn’t help that he looks like a mosquito who keeps running in and hitting people then running. Nothing to see here but Otunga can sell a punch really well.

Ezekiel Jackson vs. Drew McIntyre

Jackson has some hair now. We get Drew’s full entrance and I miss his song. Big Zeke controls with power for a few moments but Drew takes over pretty quickly. Jackson beats him down more and this match isn’t going to last long. A big boot by Drew gets two. Northern lights suplex gets two. Jackson backdrops him and the fans don’t care. Side slam gets two for the power man. Torture Rack is countered and Drew gets a boot up in the corner. It gets two even with his feet on the ropes. Drew argues with the ropes and Jackson rolls him up (with a big handful of tights) for the pin at 3:52.

Rating: D-. Terribly boring match here and I have no idea what the point of it was. Drew has fallen so far in the last year and a half that it’s almost scary. I don’t get the point in having Jackson use the tights but maybe it’ll be addressed in the future. Jackson is pretty worthless as he isn’t interesting at all and now he has to cheat to win matches over Drew Freaking McIntyre? Not a good match at all.

Video on Sheamus. I think they aired this months ago. I remember the rock version of Written In My Face.

Drew yells about the tights in the back and Teddy says he can’t stand losers. He’s a ticked off Peanut here. Old school fans will get that joke.

Here’s Sheamus for a little chat. “What’s the crack Indianapolis?” Is that an Irish thing? He wants to talk about the future and by that he means the Royal Rumble. The winner gets a title match at Wrestlemania. He doesn’t care who he eliminates because he’s going to win the Rumble. Cue Hornswoggle to get on my nerves. Horny is going to enter the Rumble as well because miracles like Bryan beating Big Show can happen. He says he’ll win (only saying his own name). Sheamus admires that and gives us some Irish folk lore or whatever you want to call it. He gets all mean but is only playing.

Cue Heath Slater who is a breath of air. I can’t stand Horny at all. Slater mentions guys like Bushwhacker Luke and the Brooklyn Brawler, who fall into the same category as Horny: the guy that says they’ll win and is a joke. Slater says he’s the greatest redhead on Smackdown and the only reason Horny won the battle royal was because Sheamus didn’t want to squash a leprechaun. Slater doesn’t have that problem though. Sheamus gets in his face and….sings Don’t Stop Believin. Ok then. Sheamus says he sees Slater as more of an R. Kelly kind of guy, because he believes he can fly, and there goes Slater. That was…yeah.

Sheamus vs. Heath Slater

Kind of awkward here as Sheamus was celebrating after throwing Slater out and we went to a break. Back and they’re having a match. Sheamus pounds him down and works on the arm and then throws Heath to the apron. Slater slaps him and that was very stupid, so here are ten forearms to the chest for his efforts. Sheamus keeps countering him but Slater drop toeholds him into the middle buckle. Slater gets him onto the mat and hooks a chinlock. The counter to that triggers Sheamus’ comeback which consists of forearms to the back, a top rope shoulder and the Brogue Kick for the pin at 4:45 shown.

Rating: D+. The Rumble is probably the best thing that could possibly happen to Sheamus at this point. He doesn’t have anything to do on Smackdown as it was looking like he was the next opponent for Henry but then Henry got hurt so they had to go to the Bryan reign. Since then he’s just been beating up random people without breaking a sweat, which can only get you so far.

Bryan is talking to Teddy when Show comes in. He’s getting annoyed at Bryan for always being there. Bryan wants a thank you for being there to bail Show out. They start growling at each other and we’re told that it’s Show vs. Bryan for the title next week. Show laughs a lot at that. Bryan says even if he loses, his reign lasted longer than 45 seconds.

Whoever they are, they’re still coming. I’m kind of curious about that but I’m expecting a letdown.

We hype the three big title matches spread over the next week of shows.

Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett

Falls count anywhere. Slugout to start and Orton hammers him into the corner. Out to the floor and Barrett goes into the steps for two. With Barrett’s head on the steps, a stomp gets two. Usually that would crack a skull but in wrestling it only gets two. That’s why I love this stuff. RKO is countered and Orton goes into the post as we take a break.

Back with them in the ring and Barrett hammering away. He hits that running boot to Orton as Orton is sitting on the middle rope which gets two on the floor. Big boot in the ring gets two and we hit the chinlock. Middle rope elbow gets the same. Back to the chinlock as this has been a lot more basic than I was expecting. Orton gets in the powerslam but Barrett escapes the elevated DDT by heading to the floor.

Orton throws him over the table and they go into the crowd. They go into the back and Orton goes through a table. Randy sends him into an anvil case as Barrett tries to escape down the hall. The referee went down earlier so he’s not here. They fight into an elevator and we actually cut to a security camera feed in the elevator.

They brawl out into what looks like a corporate area and a cameraman has to run to catch up to them. The camera goes through a door and we hear shouting and a crash. He catches up to them and Barrett is standing at the top of a flight of steps. Orton is laying at the bottom in a shape that probably isn’t that comfortable. The camera looks down at him as he can barely move and we go off the air.

Rating: C. Pretty boring main event for the most part but once they got to the wild brawl it wasn’t that bad. Word is Orton has a legit bad back so this is the angle that they’re going with to write him off TV for awhile. That’s fine and not having a pin works here because there’s no point in having a pin with that being the closing shot of the show. Not terrible and the ending did the job it was supposed to do.

Overall Rating: C. I wasn’t huge on this show. The point of it was to get Orton off TV for awhile and that worked out pretty well. Barrett looks great and we have a world title match set for next week. I’m honestly not sure what they’re going to do with Bryan as the way he won the title makes him look like a fluke and there’s a chance they’ll pull it off of him with a Show heel turn. Either way, not a horrible show but nothing at all worth going out of your way to see.

Results
Jinder Mahal b. Ted DiBiase – Camel Clutch
Alicia Fox/Kaitlyn b. Natalya/Tamina – Axe Kick to Natalya
Hunico b. Justin Gabriel – Swanton Bomb
Big Show b. David Otunga – WMD
Drew McIntyre b. Ezekiel Jackson – Rollup
Sheamus b. Heath Slater – Brogue Kick
Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton went to a no contest

 

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