Monday Night Raw Date: March 17, 1997
Location: War Memorial, Syracuse, New York
Attendance: 4,737
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon
Here’s where everything changes for good and it blew the doors off the place. This is the go home show for Wrestlemania XIII and Bret Hart is challenging Sid for the World Title inside a steel cage. Hart has been getting screwed over and over again around this time, but this is his chance to get things back to normal. Let’s get to it.
Legion of Doom vs. Savio Vega/Crush
Savio and Crush are here without Faarooq. It’s a brawl on the floor to start with Hawk punching Savio in the jaw. Animal and Crush get inside as the fans are entirely behind the LOD, which is completely different from the NOD. All four get inside as we go to a split screen with Ahmed Johnson (in a bright purple jacket with a huge A J on the chest). The Nation bails to the floor for a breather and we go to a new split screen of Faarooq speaking Ebonics (his word) to communicate with Johnson.
Animal puts Vega in a chinlock as the third split screen of the match shows a clip from last night at Madison Square Garden (which I believe is the last house show recorded from that or any venue) of the Nation beating up Johnson with a 2×4. Crush comes in and no sells a Hawk clothesline but gets taken down by a dropkick and slam. We take a break and come back with Savio hitting his running spinwheel kick in the corner for no cover on Hawk.
Split screen #4 shows no Faarooq but we go to a full screen (thankfully with a monitor showing the match) to see Faarooq jump Johnson with a nightstick. Animal comes in off the hot tag and hits a double clothesline as everything breaks down. Crush gets loaded up for the Doomsday Device but Faarooq comes in with the nightstick for the DQ.
Rating: D. These split screens have to go. They’re causing the matches to be rushed because the show is trying to fit in too much stuff onto a show that can’t handle it yet. It didn’t help that it was a bad match with a lame ending, but I would have liked to be able to see the match. They easily could have either showed us the clip from last night before the match or simply told us about it. Faarooq attacking Johnson could have gone before the bell too. I like that they’re giving the stories some time, but they shouldn’t be sharing time with the match. It’s too rushed.
Johnson runs in with the 2×4 for the save. The yet to be named (and still fat) D’Lo Brown takes the Doomsday Device.
We look at the Slammy nominations for Freedom of Speech: Jerry Lawler, Paul Heyman, Steve Austin, Howard Stern (never appeared in WWF) and Faarooq. Guess who won.
There are rumors that the title won’t be on the line in the main event. Gorilla Monsoon is en route to the arena to make a decision, as is Shawn Michaels for less decision making.
Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Flash Funk
Chyna is officially named for the first time here. It takes forever to get her out of the ring, even when Flash threatens to hit her. Vince talks about HHH being more arrogant lately as Funk armdrags him down a few times and scores with a dropkick to send HHH to the floor. Back in and the pre-Game counters a reverse leapfrog into an electric chair drop to take over.
The Flair knee drop (complete with the camera cut so we can’t see it hit mat instead of head) has Funk in trouble but he comes back with a slam and top rope legdrop for two, with Chyna pulling him off the cover. A German suplex of all things gets two for HHH but he dives into a weak superkick for another two. Funk goes up top but Chyna interferes again (right in front of the referee), allowing HHH to hit the Pedigree for the pin.
Rating: D. This was basically a nearly six minute commercial for Chyna and establishing that she can be big and intimidating. It was a good pairing and the two had success, but they were rough around the edges to start. Nothing match of course but that’s what you have to expect from most squashes.
Shawn Michaels arrives.
We see a press conference where the Governor of New Jersey lifted a tax, allowing the WWF to come back. Of all people, they sent Undertaker to this in full gear. It’s quite the visual if nothing else.
Mini Vader/Mini Mankind vs. Mini Goldust/Mascarita Sagrada
This was a thing that happened a lot around this time and I still don’t get it. The problem with this batch though is other than Sagrada, they’re all about the same size as Rey Mysterio, which just makes them look like a bunch of 13 year olds in Halloween costumes. Goldust and Vader get things going with Vader punching him in the face to counter the deep breaths. Some armdrags put Vader outside so it’s off to Mankind for a running clothesline.
Sagrada comes in to actually do something exciting with his insanely fast flips and wristdrags. Mankind is sent to the floor but Vader sneaks in with a big running clothesline to the back of the head. It seems like this is under lucha libre rules, meaning going to the floor counts as a tag. Everyone winds up outside with Goldust hitting a cannonball off the apron to take Vader down, leaving Sagrada to victory roll Mankind for the pin. This was what it was.
Sagrada shoves Vader off the stage and hits a big (work with me here) cross body to take him down.
Gorilla Monsoon announces that the cage match will indeed be for the title. When was this ever in doubt?
Here’s Bret with something to say. He immediately gets into heel mode, saying he won the Royal Rumble and Final Four and deserves some respect. The new motto around here seems to be you scratch my back and I’ll stab yours. That’s the kind of thing the old Bret would never say. After he wins the title tonight, which of course he will, he’ll give Undertaker a shot and Undertaker can get in line with everyone else. Bret goes on about how he’s going to hurt Austin on Sunday and how he can’t wait for Shamrock to hear Austin say he quits. Just like last week, Bret is knocking this out of the park.
Mike Bell vs. The Sultan
Rocky is on commentary as Sultan piledrives, splashes and clutches Bell to win in less than a minute.
Sultan gets in Maivia’s face post match but Tony Atlas is here again to hold Rocky back. I’m still not sure why we’re supposed to be interested in Atlas being out there all the time.
Hour #2 begins.
Here’s Shawn for a chat and he’s back in full face mode. He immediately says he’s found his smile again because he left it in San Antonio but now he’s bringing it wherever he goes. A lot of fans sent him thank you cards and he thanks them for their patience because he’s a hard man to deal with. Vince asks about the knee injury and Shawn brings up President Clinton injuring his knee recently (well 18 years ago but you get the idea). He’s getting the knee looked at soon and should be back in a few months. One way or another, his clothes are coming off.
However, he has a bone to pick with Vince. He’s been sitting at home and knows that Wrestlemania is right around the corner. For some reason, his phone just hasn’t rung and there’s just no way to have a Wrestlemania without Shawn Michaels. He can walk well enough to get to Wrestlemania and do some commentary on the main event. While he’s at it, he might as well show up at the Slammys this Friday.
Vader vs. British Bulldog
Owen, Mankind and Bearer are at ringside. Vader shoves him around a few times and then pounds the Bulldog down in the corner with ease. Back up and Smith’s shoulders finally drop Vader and he actually hits the delayed vertical suplex. That’s freaking insane when you think about it. We take a break and come back with Vader’s middle rope splash getting two. Bulldog avoids a sitdown splash but his old crucifix is countered into a kind of Samoan drop.
Yet another splash gets two for Vader and the middle rope standing splash sends Bulldog flying across the ring. He’s still able to slam a diving Vader though, which is far more common of a spot than I thought it was. Bulldog picks him up, walks him around, and then slams him down in another scary display of strength. The powerslam is loaded up but Mankind gets involved for the DQ.
Rating: C. Decent power match here with Bulldog’s offense looking very impressive. I mean, he got Vader up for the delayed vertical suplex. That’s cool looking no matter how you look at it. I get why they went with that ending too as they didn’t want a champion losing going into a title defense. They need to watch these old shows to get some ideas.
Slammy ad.
Billy Gunn vs. Aaron Ferguson
Shamrock is on commentary and says Billy needs to pay attention to his opponent, because you never know what might happen. Gunn takes him down for a bad looking knee bar and Shamrock doesn’t sound impressed. The worst cross armbar I’ve ever seen makes Ferguson give up.
Gunn gets in Shamrock’s face post match and Ken gets in the ring. Shamrock gets in and takes him down into a Fujiwara armbar to make Gunn tap, which I believe is the first time that had ever been done in this company. The ankle lock makes it happen for the second time and Gunn tries to go get a chair but bails anyway.
We go to Austin who says that didn’t impress him because Gunn just finished a match. All Shamrock did was have some street fights that someone filmed, which means he’s an overrated piece of trash. One day he’ll beat Shamrock up and punch his lights out. Vince asks why he’s here tonight and Austin says he shows up anywhere there’s a ring. He’s going to win the title on Sunday and beat up Bret Hart because Hart can’t lace his boots. Vince sounds terrified and it’s with good reasons. You could see that look in Austin’s eyes here and he’s on a roll, clearly ready to go to the top of the company.
Sid tells Austin to stay out of his business because he rules the world.
The cage is being set up so the announcers preview the main event.
WWF World Title: Sycho Sid vs. Bret Hart
In a cage with old school escape only rules and Bret challenging. He still high fives fans on the way to the ring because the heel character is there but he hasn’t fully turned yet. Sid fists bumps fans too though so maybe Bret is already a full on heel. Hart is aggressive to start and stomps Sid down it he corner. That’s fine with Sid who hits his awkward right hands to the head, only to be snapmared down.
An early escape attempt causes Bret to get crotched on the ropes and Sid takes over. Bret is sent spine first into the cage three times in a row but he’s still able to catch Sid going over the top. They get back onto the mat with Sid pulling him down by the hair and going for the door but Austin comes out to keep the door closed. After a break, Bret is working on the champ’s back, only to have Sid hit a powerbomb out of nowhere.
Sid climbs up but Austin climbs as well and punches Sid back down into the cage. The war over Colonel Park’s contract continues! If you don’t get that reference, be glad you weren’t watching WCW back then. Bret climbs up as well and actually helps Austin beat up Sid instead of, you know, walking out the door with no one else around.
This brings out Undertaker to help Sid because he wants him to retain the title to ensure his title shot on Sunday. All four are on the corner of the cage until Austin and Undertaker fall down and Bret superplexes Sid. Austin chairs Undertaker as both guys in the match go to leave. Undertaker slams the door on Bret’s head and Sid climbs out to retain.
Rating: C. The match was nothing special but man alive do I love smart stories. Everyone here was doing exactly what they should have been doing and it made perfect sense. That shot of them all fighting on the cage was awesome and it’s so cool to see the whole thing playing out because they all want the title. Not because some evil boss told them what to do or some power struggle, but because they want to be World Heavyweight Champion.
After a break, Vince is in the ring with half of the cage down to talk to Bret. Hart shoves him down and goes into one of the greatest tirades since Savage split up the Mega Powers, dropping every swear word that he can think of about how everyone is against him and Vince keeps turning a blind eye to him getting screwed. Austin gets on the screen to call Bret a crying loser who couldn’t get the job done.
This brings out Sid, Undertaker and Austin with the big men pairing off for a brawl in the ring while Austin hammers on Bret outside. Bret fights back and nails Pat Patterson as Sid and Undertaker try to chokeslam each other. Undertaker starts getting the better of it as Shawn slowly walks down the ramp as Bret and Austin keep fighting. Michaels looks at both of them and gets in the ring with a chair as Sid and Undertaker fight to the floor to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. The show still wasn’t great this week with some bad to watchable wrestling but the historical significance of the angles was great. Bret turning heel was exactly what the main event needed and the big payoff this Sunday was exactly what the company needed and set up the next six months that would get them back in the fight. They were about to hit an incredible stretch and Bret vs. Austin would be at the top of the card. Not a great show this week but a very, very important one.
Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1999: It’s Still Hard To Watch
Royal Rumble 1999 Date: January 24, 1999
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 14,816
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole
As much as last year’s show was a necessary evil, this show is just evil in general. The company is firing on all cylinders right now but it’s much more about drama than anything else. Mankind won the world title in a shocker 20 days before this, beating the Rock in an impromptu match on Raw. Tonight is the rematch in an I Quit match, which is the only match Mankind knows he can’t lose to Rock. It turns out to be one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen in wrestling. Also the Rumble is nothing but a backdrop for Austin vs. Vince, which isn’t a good thing either. Let’s get to it.
Luckily for me, I’ve been reviewing the Raw’s leading up to this show, so the stories will actually be fresh in my mind for a change.
This version opens with some interviews by guys in the Rumble, talking about how the bounty on Austin (Vince has offered $100,000 to whoever knocks Austin out) has them extra fired up. Chyna getting #30 is also discussed.
Opening video is what you would expect. Also the theme song for this show is No Chance, which would become Vince’s theme song after tonight. The idea is that Austin is #1 in the Rumble and Vince is #2, meaning if Austin wants to go to Wrestlemania, he has to run the gauntlet.
Big Boss Man vs. Road Dogg
Roadie is Hardcore Champion but this is non-title and a regular match. Dang it I forgot Boss Man is a tag champion here so I can’t call one of them a champion. Boss Man runs the ropes to start so Roadie tells him to suck it. The fans get on Boss Man so he shoves Road Dogg into the corner and pounds away. The Big guy misses a splash in the corner and Dogg pounds away. The announcers ask a very good question: why isn’t this for the title? Vince could make it for the title if he wanted, but instead he makes it non-title? Why?
Anyway, Road Dogg crotches Boss Man on the post to take over but gets knocked to the floor by an elbow. Back in and Boss Man pounds away but Dogg steps on his foot to escape. That lasts for about five seconds as Boss Man kicks him in the face to take over again. We hit the bearhug and Boss Man thrusts his hips into Dogg’s crotch. There’s an image I certainly didn’t need.
Dogg bites his way out of the hold but gets kneed right back down. The buckle pad is taken off and Boss Man gets two off a spinebuster. Boss Man wins a brief slugout and chokes away again. Lawler cheers for Boss Man but Dogg grabs a sleeper to get himself a breather. Boss Man goes up for some reason and is slammed down almost immediately. Dogg comes back with his usual and gets two off the shaky knee, but the Boss Man Slam ends this out of nowhere.
Rating: C-. Meh. That’s the only word that came to my head after watching this. At the end of the day, when the Outlaws play things seriously, they get pretty dull. Boss Man was fine in this role and he played it as he always did, but that doesn’t mean he should be having twelve minute matches with the Road Dogg. Not a bad match at all, but I don’t quite get why it existed.
We get a quick recap of Billy Gunn vs. Shamrock. Gunn hit on Ryan Shamrock (Ken’s sister) and Ken snapped, giving Billy a title shot for some reason as a result.
Intercontinental Title: Billy Gunn vs. Ken Shamrock
Surprisingly enough Gunn is the aggressor to start but Ken is a bit of a better ground fighter, giving himself control. Billy comes back with a clothesline on the double (tag/IC) champion as things slow down. A suplex gets two for Gunn but he misses a charge into the corner, allowing Ken to fire off some kicks. Ken fires off more kicks to the chest and back of Gunn and gets two off a spinwheel kick.
Billy comes back out of nowhere with the yet to be named Fameasser to buy himself a breather. He pounds away in the corner but Shamrock dumps him to the floor before pounding Billy into the barricade. The beating continues as Gunn is sent into a chair to keep Shamrock in control. They fight to the apron where Gunn makes a quick comeback, hitting a kind of Stroke into the announce table.
Back in and Shamrock goes right for the knee to take over. No ankle lock yet though as Ken busts out a Robinsdale Crunch of all things. Well if nothing else he has good taste in leg moves. For those of you younger people, it’s basically Shamrock wrapping his legs around Billy’s leg and crushing it between his own knees/legs. A HARD kick to the head puts Billy down again and we hear about Billy’s bad ankle from Raw. Not that he has tape on it or has been limping for the first ten minutes of the match or anything, but apparently he has a bad ankle.
Billy comes back with a clothesline but the referee is bumped. Cue Val Venis who also has issues with Shamrock to DDT the champion, giving Billy a two count. Gunn pounds away but goes up (with a bad ankle because he’s an idiot) and crashes on the ankle. Ankle lock and we’re done.
Rating: D+. Too long here and the Venis thing didn’t change anything at all. Billy’s ankle injury was pretty stupid because you didn’t really need the stuff from Raw to set up what happened here. Shamrock got a solid midcard push around this time and even had some cups of upper midcard coffee (only $5.95 at Starbucks!). The Corporation and DX would keep feuding for a few more months.
Shane fires Vince up in the back.
European Title: Gangrel vs. X-Pac
The vampire is challenging. This is another of those matches that is there so they can have another title match on the card, meaning there’s no story that I can think of. Road Dogg might have gotten a blood bath recently but that’s about it. They hit the ropes very quickly to start with Pac grabbing an armdrag to take over. Gangrel grabs a headlock but they speed things up almost immediately again.
Pac hits a quick legdrop but misses a kick in the corner to shift momentum again. We hit the chinlock to give the guys an earned breather. The champ fights up and gets thrown into the air for two. Gangrel misses a top rope elbow and Pac gets two off his jumping clothesline. A big spinwheel kick takes Gangrel down again and X-Pac hits the Bronco Buster.
The third spinwheel kick in about four minutes takes Gangrel down, but Pac gets crotched on the top, continuing a theme tonight. Pac tries a cross body but Gangrel rolls him through for a botched near fall by referee Teddy Long (he countered three but Pac’s shoulder was up). Not that it matters as the X Factor retains the title a few seconds later.
Rating: C+. Referee’s botch aside, this was a nice surprise. Gangrel is hardly known for his in ring abilities but he looked pretty good out there tonight. Pac was better here against a smaller guy as usual, and we got a good match out of it. After the two longer and not great matches earlier, this was a nice pick up.
DX says they’re united tonight but the $100,000 bounty makes it every man (Chyna: “And woman”) for themselves. Billy was nowhere to be seen here for some reason.
Here’s Shane to be ring announcer for the next match for no apparent reason.
Women’s Title: Luna Vachon vs. Sable
Scratch that ring announcer line as apparently he’s here to accept Sable’s forfeiture of the title. This was supposed to be a strap match which had a total of 18 seconds of build on Raw. That’s not an exaggeration either. They came out during another match and that was the only mention. Luna attacked Sable on Heat before the show tonight and injured the champ’s back, but Sable wants to fight anyway.
This is the four corners variety so Sable can look TOUGH here. Sable shoves her into the corner and whips Luna to the floor. She keeps whipping Luna and gets three corners but Luna makes the stop. We get more choking and whipping before Luna drags Sable around with both of them getting the buckles at the same time. You know, like in every other strap match EVER. Shane gets up on the apron before Sable gets the buckle, but Sable’s psycho fan Tori uses the distraction to deck Luna, giving sable the win.
Rating: D. Sable was insanely over back in 98, but at this point it was starting to wear thin. I always felt sorry for Luna who never got to win the Women’s Title. She really would have been a good choice for an evil chick for some blonde heroine to beat, but instead we got worthless lumps like Jackie. Nothing to see here but it could have been worse.
The Corporation says it’s everyone for themselves.
We recap Rock vs. Mankind, which we’ve covered already. Rock lost the title on January 4 on Raw so he wanted a rematch. Mankind kept saying no until Rock said he’d quit trying, which Mankind immediately accepted. The idea is that Mankind has never quit and has been through so much punishment that there’s nothing Rock can do to beat him.
Rock says that he isn’t just some other guy to Mankind, and he’s going to be the first man to make Mankind give up. If you’ve never seen it and have a stomach for blood, I can highly recommend the documentary Beyond the Mat, which is about the behind the scenes world in the WWF and this match is a focus of the film. This promo was being filmed by the documentary cameras and Mankind was about three feet from Rock here. More on this later.
WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Mankind
I Quit rules here. Rock is in his workout gear, which means his male breast enlargement surgery scars haven’t quite healed yet. There isn’t a single bit of sarcasm or humor in that statement. Mankind is defending and had to fight on Heat against the 500lb Mabel. Also the champ has recently gotten his most well known theme song, but it’s still the original version here which doesn’t have the clapping in it yet.
Mankind takes over early and hits his running knee to Rock’s head in the corner. He pounds away on Rock but Rock isn’t ready to quit yet. Some mic shots to the head keep Rock down but he still won’t say it. The Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor but Rock gets in a shot to take over. They head to the commentary desk where Rock talks some trash to King before getting hit in the back by a chair.
Back in and there’s the double arm DDT from the champ. Mr. Socko makes an appearance to put the Claw on Rock. King: “But you can’t talk with your mouth full!” The hold puts Rock out, meaning he can’t say he quits. Not the smartest move in the world there Mick. We brawl into the crowd but Rock hits a kind of suplex to take them back to ringside. There’s the bell ringing spot (Rock puts the bell on Mankind’s head and rings said bell) before singing a bit as only Rock can pull off in the middle of a match.
Rock loads up the Rock Bottom on the table but it gives way, crashing them to the floor. They slug it out some more and head up the aisle where Mankind clotheslines Rock down. Up to the tech area now and Rock hits the snap DDT onto the concrete. It’s ladder time (almost kind of foreshadowing in a way) but Rock gets crushed underneath it before he can use it. Mankind misses an elbow drop onto the ladder and both guys are down again.
Rock sets up the ladder next to the tech area and they climb up to a ledge in front of a balcony. The slugout ensues and Mankind is knocked off the ledge and onto the electrical stuff which shoots sparks and knocks out the arena lights for a few seconds. Mankind is mostly dead on the floor so here’s Shane to come out and ask Rock to chill a bit. Rock says he’s going to make Mankind say he quits, but he won’t ask him. You know, because Mankind isn’t going to say it and Rock knows this. Cole of course doesn’t get it and whines for about five minutes about it.
We head back into the ring where Mankind is basically out on the mat. Cole: “How is Mick Foley standing?” HE’S FREAKING LAY…..never mind. It’s not worth trying to get through Cole’s thick head. Anyway, Rock finds some handcuffs and this is about to get bad. Rock starts pounding away at Mankind’s unprotected head. Somewhere in there the champ was busted open.
Mankind comes back with a pair of low blows and headbutts (remember his arms are handcuffed behind his back). Rock clotheslines him down….and grabs a chair. We get the Corporate Elbow on the chair on Mankind’s head, but that’s just the beginning. Mick won’t quit, so Rocky hits him in the head (remember, unprotected) twice with HARD chair shots. Here are three more to finally knock Mankind down and out to the floor.
Even Lawler says that’s enough, but Rock hits Mankind in the back and side of the head with the chair. There is blood EVERYWHERE. Rock has a clear shot at Mankind’s back but instead waits for him to stand up and hit him in the head again. ANOTHER shot (we’re up to about 12 now) to the head puts Foley down and Mankind SCREAMS that he quits. Note that Mankind isn’t moving an inch and there’s a noticeable echo to his voice which there hasn’t been all night. That would come into play on Raw the next night.
Rating: B. This is a REALLY hard one to grade because the last five minutes are nothing but disturbing. We saw a guy completely defenseless and having his head smashed in with a piece of metal by a world class athlete. Pre Benoit or post Benoit, that’s a completely unnecessary risk and a terrifying thing to see. I love these two fighting, but this was legitimately disturbing.
Again, if you’ve never seen it, check out Beyond the Mat. It shows Mankind’s wife and family in the audience in terror watching this, but you can only hear the sound of the chair shots. If it was a horror movie it would be absolutely chilling. Also it shows Foley in the back looking at himself after the beating and the first time he looks in a mirror he stops almost cold. This went WAY too far.
We recap the Rumble, which is literally all about Vince vs. Austin and Austin’s path back to the title which begins tonight. Vince keeps screwing Austin out of the title but he’s kept coming back to get another shot. That’s most of the year in a nutshell actually.
Earlier tonight Austin came in on a monster truck limo for no apparent reason. He got in Vince’s face earlier as well, resulting in the Stooges getting beaten up.
Royal Rumble
There’s a $100,000 bounty on Austin’s head and we have Austin at #1 and Vince at #2. I think you can see what’s coming from here. The intervals are 90 seconds here. Howard goes into a REALLY long winded explanation of the rules, causing Lawler to freak out on him. Vince of course takes the chance to show off his impressive physique. Austin immediately pounds away as Cole sums up Vince vs. Austin: “How often do you get to see an employee rip the CEO of a Fortune 500 company apart?”
Austin destroys Vince for a few moments with basic stuff until Golga is #3. There’s the Thesz Press and Golga slides in but Austin knocks him out in 15 seconds. Vince rolls to the floor and heads into the crowd with Austin chasing after him. They brawl (read as Austin punches him and Vince staggers away) up the crowd as there’s no one in the ring. Droz comes in at #4 with no one to fight. See, why did Golga have to be eliminated? It doesn’t sound great but having Droz vs. Golga is better than nothing.
Anyway, Vince and Austin brawl into the back and into a ladies’ room where the Corporation jumps Austin. Naturally the camera feed is lost so we don’t see what actually happens. We come back to the arena to see Droz just standing there. The years away from meaning anything Edge is #5 to actually give us some action. After about 45 seconds, Gillberg is #6. The hilarious entrance takes forever and Edge dumps him in about five seconds.
We cut back to the bathroom and Austin is out cold on the floor. Steve Blackman is #7 as the low level stuff continues. I mean, at the end of the day NO ONE in the ring at the moment is going to be bought as a serious contender here. Austin is being treated by EMTs as Blackman fires off kicks to Edge. Dan Severn and his wet t-shirt are #8. He and Blackman have the WWF style MMA fight as we see Austin on a stretcher. That’s about the fourth time we’ve cut to Austin and away from the ring.
Tiger Ali Singh (think an Indian Ted DiBiase with ZERO charisma) is #9 as we see the ambulance drive away. The five nothings in the ring continue to waste our time until Blue Meanie is #10. Again in way less than 90 seconds, there’s no #11. We cut to the back (running theme tonight) and see Mabel beating up Mosh to take his place in the match. He immediately dumps Severn and Blackman plus Singh. There go Meanie and Droz, leaving us with Edge, Mabel and Road Dogg who is #12. Road Dogg dumps Edge and there go the lights.
Taker’s music hits and we have the Acolytes and Mideon in the ring beating up Mabel. They dump him out, yet AGAIN leaving us with just one person standing there. Taker and Bearer pop up and stare down Mabel, apparently hypnotizing him, which would lead to Mabel becoming Viscera. Gangrel is #13 with his rocking entrance music. There goes Gangrel so we stand around a bit more.
Kurrgan is #14 and destroys Dogg with power stuff. Psycho Al Snow is #15 and helps double team Kurrgan. Snow tries to get on the ropes for more leverage and is immediately dumped by Dogg. Goldust is #16 and Kurrgan gets double teamed again. With the big man down, Roadie tries Shattered Dreames on Goldie. Kurrgan saves Goldust for no apparent reason and it’s Dogg that goes down instead.
Godfather is #17 but the Ho’s leave, ticking off the fans. After about 30 seconds of Godfather being in the ring, here’s Kane at #18 to FINALLY give us some star power. The ring is cleared in about 30 seconds and the place goes nuts for Kane. Since having Kane as a dominant monster to set up a showdown with another big name would be interesting, the people from the insane asylum come out to try to institutionalize Kane (just go with it), so he eliminates himself.
Shamrock is #19 with no one to fight. Vince comes back out to do commentary. Billy Gunn limps to the ring at #20 and is immediately taken down with a leg shot. The beating goes on for a while until Test is #21. We cut to the back (AGAIN) to see Mabel being beaten into a hearse. An ambulance pulls up and it’s being drive by a certain bald headed Rattlesnake. Because clearly a guy can be beaten down, wake up less than 20 minutes later, get out of an ambulance bed, take over the ambulance, and get back to the arena in under half an hour.
Austin comes back to the ring as Boss Man is #22. Austin chases Vince around and into the ring but gets jumped by Shamrock. That’s it for Kenny so here’s HHH at #23, giving us three tall guys with long blonde hair. Billy goes after Austin for the sake of the money as Vince plays cheerleader. Vince tries not to slip into commentator mode as he talks about people wanting the money.
Val Venis is #24 and Austin dumps Billy. X-Pac is #25 and Val pounds on Austin. He kicks Steve to the floor as we’re just waiting on the Austin and Vince interaction. A spinwheel kick from Pac puts Austin down as Mark Henry is #26. Henry swings for Austin but decks Boss Man instead. Jeff Jarrett is #27 and nothing happens again. Pac kicks at a lot of people and hits the Bronco Buster on Boss Man.
In a somewhat famous bit, HHH is clearly heard asking Val if he can hang on if HHH throws him over the ropes. After that punch to kayfabe’s stomach, D’Lo Brown is #28. Austin dumps Test and X-Pac to give us some more mat space. Boss Man and Jarrett team up to try to eliminate Austin but he fights them off again. There goes Jarrett as Owen Hart is #29. Austin spits at Vince as the ring is way too full.
Chyna is #30, giving us a final group of Chyna, Austin, Vince, Boss Man, HHH, Venis, Henry, Brown, Hart and Chyna. Chyna manages to dump Henry but is knocked out almost immediately by Austin. HHH throws Val out to get us down to five. There’s a Stunner to dump HHH and get us down to five guys. Austin avoids a dropkick from Brown and they fight in the corner a bit.
Owen hits the enziguri on Austin and is backdropped out just a few seconds later. Boss Man takes Austin down and Brown hits the Low Down. Brown poses too long though and Boss Man tosses him, only to get tossed by Austin. We’re down to Austin vs. McMahon and the beating is on. Austin destroys Vince with a chair shot and the boss is in big trouble. We head back inside and Vince hits a quick low blow to give himself a breather. Austin comes back with the Stunner and beats on Vince until Rock comes out. Rock and Austin have their staredown, allowing Vince to dump Austin and win the Rumble.
Rating: F. No. This was a failure on every level. The premise was stupid, the execution was TERRIBLE, and Vince winning makes the whole thing a big joke. We had THREE part where the booking resulted in the ring being empty. Who in the world thought that was a goo….oh yeah this is still Russo Time. Absolutely horrible here and the worst Rumble of all time, pretty much by far.
Vince has a BIG celebration to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. The Rumble SUCKED, the title match was decent, and the rest of the show was either bad or forgettable. That’s more or less 1999 in a nutshell. On top of that, this would all mean NOTHING by the next week, as we had Halftime Heat coming up to give Mankind the title back, as well as Vince forfeiting his title shot at Mania, resulting in Austin going anyway. Just awful overall.
Today we’re looking at another small guy: Jamie Noble.
Noble started in late 1999 so we’ll pick things up at the 3rd Annual Brian Pillman Memorial Show in 2000.
HWA Cruiserweight Title: Shark Boy vs. Jamie-San
HWA is the Heartland Wrestling Association out of Cincinnati, which served as a developmental territory for both WCW and the WWF over the years. Shark Boy is defending and Jamie-San is Jamie Noble. The footage is pretty low quality and there’s no commentary here at all. ECW/WCW goon Tony Marinara is with Jamie here for some reason. They trade wristlocks to start and Shark Boy gets two off an O’Connor Roll, giving us a stalemate. Time for some technical stuff with a nice little chain wrestling sequence leading to stalemate the sequel.
Back up and Sharky armdrags him down and Jamie bails to the floor. Jamie gets back in, only to be bitten on the trousers. Marinara gets the same and it’s back to the floor for healing. Shark Boy breaks up their meeting with a nice dive but Jamie pulls him off the apron and sends him into the barricade. Jamie is supposed to be Japanese but he sounds like a hayseed whenever he talks trash, killing the idea dead. Sharky takes a running clothesline in the corner but comes out with a spinning sunset flip for two.
Jamie kind of misses a middle rope dropkick for two and we hit the chinlock. Really basic stuff so far but it’s not bad. It’s strange to see Shark Boy as just a guy (who happens to think he’s a shark) instead of a cult favorite. The hold stays on for a good while, which is a pretty big waste of Jamie’s talents in the time they have. The fans are WAY into Shark Boy here so maybe the cult favorite aspect is still around.
The champion finally comes back by sending Jamie into the corner and puts him down with a facebuster. There are ten punches in the corner and a middle rope hurricanrana gets two for the champion. The Dead Sea Drop (more commonly called Diamond Dust, flipping Stunner off the middle rope) is countered into a reverse layout DDT (Christian uses it a lot) for two. Jamie misses a top rope headbutt so Sharky grabs a sleeper, only to be rammed into the corner, putting him in perfect position for the Dead Sea Drop and the pin to retain.
Rating: C. This was fine. The matches tonight are going to depend on who is in the ring as I’ll be harsher on indy guys than I will be on big time talent. It’s nice to see indy guys who have talent out there like Shark Boy as some matches from this level can be DREADFUL, which I’m sure we’ll hit at some point tonight. This was a nice little match though and both guys looked solid in the ring.
We’ll hit some WCW now, starting at New Blood Rising with Jamie as Jamie-San of the Jung Dragons.
3 Count vs. Jung Dragons
This would open about 19 Thunders in a row. Tank Abbott is their Rikishi and dances with them. Ok to be fair, this was freaking hilarious. The only Dragon that is known is the masked one who would become Jamie Knoble. Three Count has one guy that meant nothing, Shannon Moore and Shane (Gregory) Helms. This is a double ladder match where the Dragons are trying to get a recording contract so 3 Count can’t record again and 3 Count is trying to get their gold record back.
You have to tag here and it’s a ladder match. They stack up a ladder in the corner and do a ton of stuff with that. Both teams hit a springboard Doomsday Device as this is a fun match but you can tell nothing is ever going to go anywhere. Noble does a HUGE dive off the ladder to the floor. Oh and Yang cut his hair and became the resident redneck on Smackdown. This isn’t bad but it’s certainly is entertaining.
And then 3 Count stops to dance. Jamie hits a nice rana and the other two hit a double splash off the ladders. Jamie gets the record but it’s not over yet. Abbott gets the record and we keep going a bit more. I’d love to hear the explanation to a record company that they lost their contract in a professional wrestling ladder match. Kaz and Helms sprint up the ladders but Abbott shoves both guys over. Karagis climbs up and gets the contract. Soon after Jamie would be unmasked and Karagis would team up to become a third team. Abbott leaves with the contract and record.
Rating: B. Solid stuff here although it made limited sense with the whole double prize thing but that’s WCW for you. These six guys would open just about every show there was without ever getting anywhere at all for it and while the matches were solid, people just got sick of seeing them. I know I did.
And another ladder match at Starrcade 2000.
3 Count vs. Jung Dragons vs. Knoble and Karagias
There’s a lot to get through here. This is a three team ladder match but the winner is gets a Cruiserweight Title shot against champion Chavo Guerrero, who will be on commentary. I’m very surprised that we haven’t seen Chavo before this as he’s been around since the mid-90s and is a pretty talented guy. He’s also Eddie’s nephew if the name sounds familiar. I’m not sure how the title shot (which is for a later date rather than tonight) is going to work given that a team wins here rather than an individual. It might be a three way dance, it might be a handicap match or it might be whichever team member pulls the contract down.
As for who is who in this match, these six guys used to be on two three man teams who fought each other for the better part of six months without ever advancing up the card at all (nice job WCW). 3 Count is Shane Helms and Shannon Moore and they’re a boy band ala the Backstreet Boys. The Jung Dragons are Kaz Hayashi and Yang and they’re just Japanese guys. Jamie Knoble and Evan Karagias used to team with the Dragons and 3 Count respectively before splitting off and forming their own team.
You have to tag in this match for no apparent reason other than WCW doesn’t get the concept of a match like this. Shannon and Kaz get things going and head to the mat very quickly before slamming into each other and seemingly knocking themselves out for a second. The ever so caring fans think it’s boring because the guys might have concussions and therefore aren’t doing anything for ten seconds.
Back up and Shannon heads for the ladder but Karagias breaks it up before Moore can get there. Off to Yang vs. Helms but everyone says screw the tagging stuff and heads out into the aisle for the ladder. 3 Count pulls a fast one though and pulls out their own ladder with everyone else in the aisle. The Dragons make the save though, only for Knoble and Karagias to take them down and go up, but the Dragons slam the ladder down onto him. Yang adds a moonsault onto the ladder and the Dragons for good measure to get the crowd into the match.
Jamie and Evan set up a ladder on the middle rope before sending Shane face first into the steel. Kaz is dropped head first onto the ladder as well before Noble brings in another ladder. Knoble and Karagias get in an argument over who gets the contract, allowing Yang to take both guys down. Yang puts Shannon on the ladder and catches him diving into a gutbuster. Shane throws Yang to the floor and hits a BIG spinning dive to take both guys down. Kaz dives on Shane and Evan dives on everyone, followed by Shannon diving on everyone plus Evan.
Jamie goes up the ladder but Yang gets back in and shoves the ladder over, sending Jamie down onto the pile of guys at ringside. Yang puts another ladder in the rungs of the standing ladder, making a platform between the ropes and the standing ladder. Evan walks on said platform and catches a springboarding Kaz in a powerslam to the mat. Shannon dives off the platform to take Evan out before Helms hits a neckbreaker to take Knoble off the ladder. Shannon breaks up the platform and puts up another ladder so four people can climb at once.
Knoble powerbombs Shane off one ladder, leaving Shannon and Yang fighting on the top, until Moore hits a neckbreaker to bring Yang down. Jamie goes up but Leia Meow, the Dragons’ mistress, pulls him down. Even brings in a third ladder but Yang shoves him down to the floor. The Dragons load up a big scaffold using four ladders but get knocked down as another brawl breaks out. Kaz kicks Knoble off the scaffold but gets knocked down by Karagias. It’s Helms and Yang on the scaffold now but here come their partners as well. Shannon headscissors Yang down and 3 Count pulls down the contract at the same time.
Rating: B. There’s your match of the night right there. I don’t have to watch the rest of the show and it’s very clear that this isn’t going to be topped. That’s WCW’s problem at the end of the day: these six guys fought FOREVER and never got to move up the card at all. They never fought for the tag titles or a single title other than the Cruiserweight Title or anything like that at all. Instead they were tasked with going out there and tearing the house down while breaking their backs so that the “stars” could get the glory. That’s WCW in a nutshell and it’s a big part of why they went out of business.
Noble would head to WWE and have a Cruiserweight Title shot at King of the Ring 2002.
Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Hurricane
This was either Noble’s first match or at least his first feud. Oh ok this is his second. Seriously, the recap is still going. It’s getting more time than the opening video. Oh and the heels unmasked him which Burchill is still trying to do. IT’S STILL GOING! I have absolutely no interest in this match at all. Hurricane was running around chokeslamming people. Nidia thinks she means something. That’s just amusing.
There’s a “she’s a crack w****” chant going as we flash back to ECW. She tries to trip Hurricane and misses. You grab the big white thing. It’s how you got a job more than likely as it certainly isn’t for your looks and talent. Oh Tuesday is the Divas Undressed thing. It was a lingire thing that went nowhere. There were some ok looks but that’s about it. As you can tell, I’m not talking much about the match.
This division and title were just jokes and it’s good that the title isn’t coming back. Let it go people. Oh dear we begin the sex jokes about Hurricane and why Nidia dumped him. I hate those. Oh dang it they’re using sleepers. I can barely stand the thought of this match already and they’re just boring me to death. This division was just a freaking waste. Wait a minute. This is a Smackdown match. WHY ARE LAWLER AND ROSS CALLING IT???
We have acknowledged that Tazz and Cole, the SMACKDOWN ANNOUNCERS are in the building, but instead we get Ross and Lawler who have nothing to do with these guys or their show talking about the match. What in the heck is wrong with this? Hurricane and Nidia fight over his cape. Hurricane suplexes Noble over the ropes and he lands on his leg. Dang it he’s getting up so we have to keep going. The main problem here is Nidia.
She won’t freaking shut up and she’s just annoying. Hurricane hits a swinging neckbreaker from the top rope. This match just needs to end. It’s all highspots and Nidia and only one of those things are interesting. Noble kicks out of the chokeslam which stuns the crowd. For some reason they’re into this. Hurricane crotches himself on the top and Noble powerbombs him for the title while Nidia shoves his foot off the ropes. They make out way too much after the match.
Rating: D-. And it passes for the highspots. This was just freaking pointless and of course they gave it 10 minutes. See, in WCW, this was successful because there WERE NO STORIES. It was all highspots and no stupid ugly women screaming all the time. Learn from that Vince.
Title defense from Vengeance 2002.
Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman
At this point, the belt means jack. It’s the guy wins title after being on “an impressive roll as of late”, holds it for like three months while never defending it, another guy goes “on an impressive roll as of late” and normally he wins the title. This would be the first major, and I use that term more loosely than Lita after a bottle of Jack, title defense for Noble though, so there’s more or less no way he loses here.
That and I reviewed the match where he did lose it already so yeah this isn’t in any doubt at all. Wow absolutely no one cares here. We get the line about Noble not being your traditional cruiserweight as he uses a ground based attack and isn’t a high flier. Well duh, he’s a heel champion. Has there ever been a high flier that’s a heel? Only an idiot would book that? Kidman goes up top. I wonder if he’s about to GET READY TO FLY.
I really could not be less interested in this. Yet I’m writing a review of it. There’s something extremely wrong with me I think. How in the world did Noble win the ROH Title for a month? Was that like a massive rib or something? Noble messes up Kidman’s shoulder to try to make people care. To be fair, Kidman gets some pops in there.
Oh some guy named Rey Mysterio debuts Thursday. So four months you got Ortn, Cena, Batista and Mysterio. Not bad. Kidman doesn’t tap to an armbar. Kidman goes for an enziguri. It lands on Noble’s back. Wow this is making my head hurt. Shooting Star misses and Noble rolls him up for two. Noble hits a Tiger Bomb to end this.
Rating: D+. Not bad, but seriously, no one really cared. This just filled in about 8 minutes and wasn’t that good at all. More or less a nothing match that went nowhere at all. Not that it was terrible or anything, but no point at all. That’s the case with way too many cruiserweight matches, but at least they’re not using all of the stories to bog things down.
Jamie would hook up with rival Tajiri for a tag match on Smackdown, September 26, 2002.
Jamie Noble/Tajiai vs. Billy/Chuck
Billy and Chuck are in street clothes. What street that is I’m not sure. Adrian maybe? Billy and Tajiri get started. I don’t remember Tajiri being a heel but he and his partner go after Billy’s knee. Handspring elbow puts Billy down and a big kick gets two. Noble tries to cannonball down onto the leg but Billy kicks him to the floor. Billy still can’t tag as Tajiri knocks Palumbo to the floor. Noble hooks a unique leg lock on Billy’s bad knee.
Can we just watch Torrie slap the mat in that bikini again? Tajiri gets in some shots as we hear about the exclusive contracts between the brands, including Orton being signed to Raw. He was a young cocky heel at this point. I wonder what ever happened to him. Billy manages to get in a kick to Noble and a flapjack allows for the hot tag. Chuck cleans house and tries a powerbomb but Tajiri counters into a victory roll attempt. Chuck holds him in place though and Code Red (Doomsday Device) ends this.
Rating: C. Fine match here and when you throw something together inside of 30 seconds that’s as good as you can ask for. Billy and Chuck had some good chemistry and it worked here. I miss random showdowns like these or the first match and they work pretty well most pf the time, especially when you have talented people in there.
Off to Velocity for the required opponent on January 12, 2003.
Bryan Danielson vs. Jamie Noble
Noble takes him to the mat into a headscissors but Bryan counters into a double arm crank to put Jamie down for two. They trade wristlocks until Danielson takes him down with a headlock. Off to a test of strength with Jamie getting two off a northern lights suplex. A drop toehold puts Danielson throat first into the ropes and a Saito Suplex gets two.
Off to a cross arm choke on Danielson but he slides through Jamie’s legs into a sunset flip for two. We hit the chinlock on Bryan for a bit before he comes back with a running clothesline for two of his own. There’s the backflip out of the corner and Danielson hits a discus forearm to the back of the head. A German suplex gets two on Jamie but he comes back with a quick swinging neckbreaker for the pin.
Rating: C+. This was way better than I was expecting with both guys looking solid out there. Danielson was clearly going to be something special in the future as he was a natural in the ring and moved from one spot to another with ease. It was a surprisingly good match with both guys nailing it.
Jamie decided he wanted Torrie and had a chance to sleep with her if he could beat Billy Gunn at Vengeance 2003.
Billy Gunn vs. Jamie Noble
Jamie brings a briefcase with his “stuff” in it. They actually open it which is creepy. Jamie’s girlfriend Nidia comes out and is mad at him over this clearly. See the criticisms of soap opera stuff that WWE gets? Noble works on his knee so his regular stuff can’t work. Gunn busts out a random Diamond Cutter for two. Didn’t see that one coming. Noble hooks a DDT from the second rope. I liked that.
Nidia puts his foot on the ropes though since she doesn’t want Torrie sleeping with Noble. That makes sense at least. Both girls beat him up. Billy gets rammed into Torrie and gets rolled up for the pin. Torrie says Holy censored and it’s rather amusing. Cole shouting NOBLE GETS TO SLEEP WITH TORRIE cracked me up. He wants to watch. Oh dear.
Rating: D. Bad match on top of a bad angle doesn’t help. Naturally it didn’t happen and Noble and Gunn started teaming together because it’s professional wrestling and of course it doesn’t make sense. Torrie looked hot though so I can’t complain much there. Still though, stupid angle and a stupid match.
Noble got a Cruiserweight Title shot at Royal Rumble 2004.
Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble
Rey is defending. This is during the Nidia is Blind phase which didn’t do anything for anyone. They speed things WAY up to start with Jamie avoiding the 619 and launching Rey into the air to take over. The champ gets draped over the top rope for two and a hard kick to the back gets the same.
Jamie hooks a chinlock which shifts into a seated abdominal stretch. Rey fights up and hits a dropkick and a springboard rana followed by the sitout bulldog for two. He springboards into a gutbuster from Noble for two though and momentum shifts again. Nidia accidentally grabs Noble’s foot, allowing Rey to hit the 619 and springboard legdrop…..for the pin? Huh?
Rating: D+. This was fast paced while it lasted, but those three words are the key: while it lasted. This barely broke three minutes which simply isn’t enough for a PPV title match. Unless I was missing it there was no sign of an injury or anything like that, but the match ends that fast. I have no idea what they were going for here but it didn’t work in any way at all. That’s a shame too because they were going well while it lasted.
Jamie would head to Japan and then ROH for awhile, even beating CM Punk for the ROH World Title in 2005. It wouldn’t last long though and it was back to WWE, including this match at Royal Rumble 2006.
Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London
Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.
Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.
Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.
Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.
Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.
Back to Velocity on March 11, 2006.
Pitbulls vs. Scotty 2 Hotty/Funaki
Kash and Funaki get things going with Kash running him over, only to get caught with a hiptoss. Scotty comes in to work on the arm but it’s quickly off to Noble for a stomping in the corner. A neckbreaker gets two on Hotty and everything starts to break down before it’s back to Jamie for a legdrop.
Kash comes in again but his moonsault hits Scotty’s knees. Scotty dives for the tag and loses his shoe but gets over to Funaki to clean house. A high cross body gets two on Noble but the one shoed Scotty takes Kash down for the Worm. Funaki dropkicks him to the floor but gets caught in a gorilla press gutbuster from Noble for the pin.
Rating: C. Another nice match here with both teams getting to show off a little bit. There’s only so much you can get out of a match between the Pitbulls and Hotty/Funaki but it was a very pleasant surprise. The Pitbulls weren’t a bad team but they were around in a boring stretch for the tag team division.
Speaking of the tag team division, here’s a Tag Team Title shot at Great American Bash 2006.
Smackdown Tag Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Pit Bulls
The Bulls are Jamie Noble and Kid Kash. They were a team that was around when I really wasn’t watching Smackdown so this is a new thing for me. London and Kash start us off with Kash taking it to the mat. For some reason we’re talking about the Rock N Roll Express now. Kash keeps running him over so London speeds things up to take over. Off to Kendrick and they use a modified rocket launcher for two.
Kendrick works on the arm and we hear about the Crockett family starting up the Bash in the 80s. Off to Noble who apparently likes having men on the ground. I love wrestling but the gay jokes are really hard to avoid at times. Back to London who keeps Noble’s arm in trouble. This has been one sided so far and Londrick sends them to the floor. You know that means stereo dives.
FINALLY Noble gets in a shot to take over and gets a pair of two counts. Back to Kash who slams Kendrick into the mat by his hair. Kendrick dodges a charge and brings in London. Things speed way up and we talk about Ivan Putski. They go to the apron and London tries to skin the cat, but Noble gets in a shot to the back. I guess this is the official face in peril part.
London may have hurt his back on the way down onto the apron. Noble hooks on a chinlock for a few seconds and there’s a leg lariat for two. The Pit Bulls do some good old fashioned heel tag team work to keep Kendrick out. More double teaming follows but London fights out of the corner. He kicks Noble into Kash but Kash makes the save to break up the tag. Cole says London was minutes away from making the tag. Well at least he was close.
London backflips out of a suplex and falls into Kendrick for the tag. Springboard missile dropkick takes out Kash and things speed WAY up. He hits leg lariats to everyone but Noble makes the save on the cover. Noble tries something like a double underhook piledriver on Kendrick but London saves again. There’s a huge dive to the floor by Kendrick to take out Noble. Kash can’t get the brainbuster to London so Kendrick dives off the top with a sunset flip for the pin.
Rating: B-. This match right here has already had more energy in it than the entirety of the previous two shows in this series. Londrick would spend the next 9 months or so as champions which is still the longest tag title reign in the WWE/F in about fifteen years. Very fun tag match with all kinds of old school heel tag work to make things very fun and get the crowd into it.
We’ll jump ahead to Great American Bash 2007.
Cruiserweight Title: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble vs. Funaki
It’s a five man match but remember that this is a Cruiserweight Open, as in anyone can get in on this. Chavo is champion coming in. This is the dying days of the title as this was thrown on the card yesterday with no story. They did these kind of matches for probably a year. Hornswoggle is on the floor and hides under the ring. Chavo tries to run but gets thrown outside instead. This is one fall to a finish.
This is one of those matches where you can’t really keep up with anything so the whole thing is pretty all over the place. Chavo comes back in and Cole talks about his Latina wife. Shannon gets two on Chavo but Funaki hits a cross body onto both of them for a combined two. Powerslam gets two for Noble but Chavo breaks it up again. Chavo hooks some freaky rollup on Yang and transitions into a half crab but it gets broken up by Funaki.
Moore slams Funaki into the buckle HARD. Noble vs. Moore now. Make that Noble vs. Funaki. See what I mean about how there’s no point in trying to call this? Funaki gets an enziguri for two on Moore. Gory Bomb to Funaki gets two for the champ. Almost everyone goes to the floor so Yang sets for a dive. Chavo stops it and it’s Tower of Doom time. Noble is down and here’s Horny to come off the top with a Tadpole Splash to win the title.
Rating: C-. Like I said there’s only so much you can do in these. The ending is totally legal when you think about it: he’s certainly small enough and it was an Open so anyone can enter at any time right? This wasn’t anything great but it was very clear that the title was done. And no it wasn’t Horny that killed it. The belt was long since dead.
Off to Smackdown on October 19, 2007.
Jamie Noble vs. Undertaker
Undertaker actually comes out first. Jamie dodges in the corner and hammers away with about as much luck as you would imagine. There’s the chokeslam and the Tombstone is good for the pin.
We’ll jump ahead nearly a year to one of Noble’s last wins, on Raw from September 1, 2008.
Jamie Noble vs. William Regal
Noble wants to date Layla so she’s here too. I don’t remember that pairing very well at all but this brings it back a bit. Granted it’s not exactly the biggest angle of all time. Regal annoyed Layla when she was dancing and Noble saved her so there’s your background. Regal is in his one piece swimsuit attire and he pounds Noble down with ease. A full nelson is easily countered and they trade some rollups for two. Regal punches him in the face to put him down as the beating continues. Out of nowhere, Noble grabs a small package for the quick pin. This was like a minute long.
We’ll wrap it up on ECW on Sci-Fi on February 3, 2009.
Jamie Noble vs. Boogeyman
Noble runs from the bag of worms to start. Boogeyman throws him into the corner but Jamie hammers away with some right hands. A beal sends Jamie out to the floor and a gorilla press sends him back into the ring. Jamie stomps away back inside and a top rope forearm gets two. We hit the chinlock on Boogey but he throws Jamie into the corner to escape. Back up and the pumphandle slam is enough to pin Noble.
Rating: D+. This was a bit better than I was expecting as Boogeyman was getting better around this time. Noble was at his best when he was making someone look better and that’s exactly what he did here. He could bounce around well enough and Boogeyman was strong enough to do all the throws and slams. Not terrible.
Jamie Noble is a guy that was very efficient with what he did and it’s easy to see why he’s an agent today. His stuff in late WCW was really solid stuff with everyone flying around the ring and going insane. Noble wasn’t as good in WWE but he was able to do enough to make the people around him look good.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Today we’ll look at another tall blond in Billy Gunn.
Billy would spend a few years on the indy scene before heading to the WWF as one half of the Smoking Gunns tag team. They would get started in early 1993 and we’ll pick things up at King of the Ring 1993.
Steiners/Smoking Guns vs. Money Inc./Headshrinkers
Well, talk about a tough act to follow. This is nothing but filler here as I don’t think there’s any kind of a point to this match other than to give the crowds a chance to restart their hearts. There’s no story here that I can think of other than you have two face teams and two heel teams going at it. The Guns are about as new as possible at this point.
Ross says he doesn’t want to disrespect this match, so therefore we’ll be lucky to hear who wins. It simply can’t be worse than WCW was though. I will never forget a match between Ultimo Dragon and Steven Regal where literally over the entire course of an eight minute match there was not a single mention of either guy or the match itself until the very end where Tony said 2, 3 (he missed the one) we have a new Television Champion!
Yes, in a match not only on television, not only a title match, but a match where the title CHANGED HANDS, thereby making history as Gorilla liked to say, we have eight minutes of people talking about the NWO and not a word about the two guys in the ring. That’s just pathetic. Anyway, rant over. Scotty and Ted start us up so there we are. To say Heenan is happy is an understatement.
Now remember, we’re NOT going to talk about Yoko and the title match out of respect here. If we don’t talk about them anymore I’m going to scream from hearing about them too much. Ross is at least talking about the match so there’s that. DiBiase beats on Billy and hooks the Dream. Heenan says that Billy is fading into obscurity. I have too many jokes to pick from here. Billy gets a roll up out of nowhere to get the pin and the big brawl starts to the Guns’ awful music.
Rating: C. Eh what do you expect here? This was six minutes of just filler and it’s the absolute best thing they could have done here. No one was going to care about anything after what they just saw, so there we are. This meant nothing at all and it wasn’t supposed to. The wrestling is about what you would expect at a house show, but it wasn’t horrible or anything. This was much more about giving the crowd a breather instead of a real match, and there’s not a thing wrong with that.
Onward to Summerslam 1993 for a little six man tag.
Smoking Guns/Tatanka vs. Headshrinkers/Bam Bam Bigelow
Aren’t cowboys and Indians supposed to fight? The heels have Afa and Luna Vachon with them. The Samoans run over the Guns to start and we have Bigelow vs. Tatanka to get us going. Tatanka fires off a shoulder block and a dropkick followed by an impressive backdrop. Both guys try cross bodies and Tatanka actually gets the better of it. For a gimmick wrestler Tatanka had some good success around this time.
A double tag brings in Billy vs. Fatu (Rikishi) with the Samoan hitting a quick superkick. Billy comes back with a top rope clothesline as Vince tells us Billy went to college on a rodeo scholarship. That actually exists? Another superkick from Samu knocks Billy into the tag to Bart who is slammed face first into the mat for his troubles. Bigelow comes in with a dropkick for two before it’s back to Fatu for a wicked powerslam. The Samoans take turns double teaming Bart with headbutts and chops as the heat segment goes on for a good while.
Bigelow misses a charge and hits the post, allowing Bart to make the hot tag off to Tatanka. The Indian chops every heel in sight and takes Bigelow down with a DDT and a high cross body for two. Tatanka goes on the war path but walks into an enziguri from Bam Bam. Sometimes there’s no better solution than to kick a guy in the head. Everything breaks down and Tatanka is left all alone against the three monsters. A TRIPLE HEADBUTT puts Tatanka down and all three go up for a triple flying headbutt, but Tatanka rolls away and rolls up Samu for the pin.
Rating: B-. Where in the world did this come from??? This was a shockingly good tag match with everyone moving fast and some great looking spots from Bigelow. Tatanka was one of those guys that the fans just liked and there’s no way you can fake that. Good stuff here and a very nice surprise.
Why not another six man from September 27, 1994?
Shawn Michaels/Diesel/Tatanka vs. Smoking Guns/Lex Luger
This has to be after Summerslam 94 but before Survivor Series 94 as Tatanka is a heel and in the Million Dollar Corporation here but Diesel and Shawn are still tag champions. Luger is the Rebel here, meaning he means absolutely nothing here because his main push is long since over. DiBiase isn’t here for some reason.
Gorilla is all over Tatanka for selling out to DiBiase. Shawn vs. Luger to start us off. I don’t remember any feud with the champions and the Guns but there likely was one. Luger destroys Shawn to start and the good guys clear the ring in a hurry. It’s so strange to see Billy Gunn as a worthless cowboy. Off to Bart vs. Diesel now which is rather amusing indeed. Why is it amusing? I’m not sure but it just is.
Diesel thankfully destroys that mullet wearing twerp and brings in Tatanka. Bart fights back but kind of messes up a dropkick as Tatanka is too close to him. The Guns hit a modified Sidewinder (side slam mixed with a top rope leg drop) to Tatanka and we go back to Shawn vs. Lex again. Luger still wants the stereotype but can’t get him since that’s the big segment of the match probably.
Luger stays in for all of 6 seconds before bringing the tired Bart back in. Did he tick someone off to deserve this? Bad armdrag brings Shawn down but Diesel pulls the top rope down to give the evildoers the advantage. Bart gets beaten down for awhile as we’re just waiting on the big brawl segment to end the match.
Shawn comes back in and we hit the chinlock. Stan Lane is blowing Gorilla away on commentary here. Shawn calls spots to Gorilla so Gorilla covers for him by saying he’s taunting. That makes sense if nothing else. A mat slam gets Bart out of trouble and the FEARSOME Billy comes in and Shawn cowers in fear which I think is a cover for wanting to laugh.
Billy gets the Texas Special (bulldog) off the top on Shawn for two and here’s the big brawl. The feuds (I guess) split off with Luger and Tatanka on the floor. Shawn gets tied in the ropes so Diesel hits the Jackknife on Billy (serves him right) and Shawn covers for the academic pin.
Rating: C-. Pretty boring for the most part but nothing too bad. It’s about what you would expect for the main event of a comp tape as Shawn steals another pin. Decent little match for the most part with not a ton of people caring but it wasn’t supposed to be anything epic. Not bad.
In case you haven’t had enough already, here’s another multiman tag match from Survivor Series 1994.
Million Dollar Team vs. Guts And Glory
Tatanka, King King Bundy, Bam Bam Bigelow, Heavenly Bodies
Lex Luger, Adam Bomb, Mabel, Smoking Gunns
This is DiBiase’s team (DiBiase had hurt his neck and had to retire) vs. Luger in a continuation of a long feud. DiBiase had said that Luger had sold out and Tatanka, Luger’s friend, believed DiBiase. This led to a match at Summerslam where it turned out that TATANKA had been bought off in a swerve I liked a lot. This is Luger’s chance for revenge again.
Luger and Tatanka start things off, much to Tatanka’s surprise. Tatanka takes over to start and chops away but the ones to the chest don’t work on Luger. Does no one watch the NWA around here? Lex no sells a suplex and pounds away with all his usual stuff. A clothesline puts Tatanka on the floor so here’s Del Ray to be beaten up too. Mabel and Bundy come in but it’s just a staredown as it’s back to the starters. Now it’s officially Mabel vs. Prichard (the Bodies are Tom Prichard and Jimmy Del Ray) with the big man missing an elbow. Prichard pounds away but a middle rope cross body (Mabel weighs 500lbs) kills him dead.
It’s 5-4 now and Del Ray comes in for some dropkicks which have no effect. A Boss Man Slam takes Jimmy down so it’s off to Bundy vs. Mabel. They collide a few times until Mabel runs him over. Off to Bigelow who gets beaten down and Mabel goes up, only to get slammed down in a cool visual. Bigelow goes up for a sunset flip but Mabel sits on his chest for no cover. A Cactus Clothesline sends them both to the floor and Mabel can’t beat the count back in to tie things up.
Off to Billy Gunn vs. Del Ray which goes nowhere so here’s Bomb vs. Bigelow. This takes about 30 seconds with Bomb hitting a slingshot clothesline but getting hit in the head by Bundy. A moonsault takes Bomb out and it’s 4-3. Luger comes in immediately and tries a rollup but it just gets two. Off to Del Ray who hits a fast superkick to take Lex down. After some right hands from Jimmy, a running forearm smash catches him in the head and Luger ties it up.
It’s Tatanka/Bigelow/Bundy vs. Luger/Smoking Gunns. It’s Bart vs. Tatanka before Billy comes in for a double Russian legsweep for two. The Gunns pound away on Tatanka for a little while with Bart and his mullet of death hitting a monkey flip for two. The Sidewinder (side slam from Bart with a legdrop from Billy) gets two and it’s back to Bart, who like an IDIOT, tries a crucifix on a guy whose finisher is a Samoan Drop. Later Bart and it’s 3-2.
Billy vs. Tatanka goes nowhere so it’s back to Luger. Billy comes in and hip tosses Tatanka for two and an elbow drop gets the same. Luger and Gunn take turns on Tatanka’s arm until Billy gets caught in a powerslam. Off to Bundy who hits a splash and elbow to get us down to Luger vs. Bigelow, Bundy and Tatanka. It’s Luger vs. King Kong now but Lex goes after Tatanka because he’s A FREAKING MORON.
Luger gets caught in the evil corner and we play the numbers game for awhile. Luger hits a forearm to Tatanka but only gets two. A sunset flip almost gets a pin on Tatanka but a tag was made on the way down to bring in Bigelow. Bundy drops an elbow for two and Lex is in trouble. Bigelow drops a headbutt for a VERY fast two. DiBiase talks trash as it’s off to Bundy for more fat man offense.
Bundy drops an elbow for two as we’re reenacting the main event of the first Survivor Series, complete with two of the original people in it. Back to Tatanka who gets two off a powerslam and drops a bunch of elbows. In a stupid looking yet still good ending, Luger gets a fast small package for the pin on Tatanka, then lays down on the mat so Bundy can splash him for the final elimination. That looked stupid.
Rating: C. This wasn’t that bad actually and the ending was a nice surprise. There was no reason to have Luger come back here and having him lose was the right move. The feud didn’t really go anywhere after this and was more or less the ending of it. Luger’s collapse after Summerslam 1993 is a sight to see given how hot he was during the summer after his face turn.
Here’s a regular tag from Summerslam 1995.
Blu Brothers vs. Smoking Gunns
The Brothers are Jacob and Eli but are more famous as the bald Harris Brothers (also known as DOA, Creative Control, the Bruise Brothers and about ten other names over the years). Their manager is Uncle Zebekiah, who is currently (as of July 2013) Zeb Colter in WWE. Jacob elbows Billy down to start before it’s off to Eli for a slam and some elbow drops. Billy gets a quick two count on Jacob before it’s off to Bart for some arm work. Jacob whips Bart into the corner before bringing Eli back in to get caught by a cross body for two.
The Gunns get a near fall off some double teaming but Billy walks into an H Bomb (double powerbomb) to stop the momentum dead. Eli puts Billy in the Tree of Woe but tags in Jacob instead of doing anything about it. Jacob draws in Bart to allow for more double teaming and Eli gets two off a powerslam. Billy comes back with a face plant to Jacob and makes the tag off to Bart. Everything breaks down and the Blus are sent into each other, allowing the Gunns to hit the Sidewinder (side slam/guillotine legdrop) on Eli for the pin.
Rating: D. This wasn’t so much bad as it was completely uninteresting. That’s the problem with so many parts of 1995 WWF: the people just weren’t interesting at all and there was no reason to care about a lot of the matches. All you had here was a midcard tag match that ran about six minutes. It wasn’t any good and there was no story to it, so why was I supposed to care?
The Gunns would win three Tag Team Titles. Here’s a title defense at King of the Ring 1996.
Tag Titles; Smoking Guns vs. Godwins
These two are fighting for the tag belts so it must be the mid 90s. The country boys bring animals with them. Geez Hillbilly Jim was an awesome character. We go to the back where the Guns and Sunny are with Doc. We see a clip of the Body Donnas and their new manager who is a guy in drag named Cloudy. Sunny is dressed as a cowgirl and that’s all you need to know. The Guns are the champions here.
These were some of the weakest gimmicks of all time. The Guns are going heel here as Ross insists he saw them turn down autographs for some kids earlier at the hotel. Well at least the fans weren’t at an airport asking about the NWO. Phineas likes Sunny here too. Billy implies he’s screwed Sunny, which he likely did since he was in the WWF in the 90s. We cut to a random interview with Cloudy who can’t even fake a girl’s voice.
This is Vince’s weird idea of humor I think. It lasted all of a month I think. The match is boring so it doesn’t mean anything. These two fought so many times and while it was ok, it was never really all that great. This match just isn’t that entertaining. Henry puts an arm lock on Bart who taps like crazy but that wouldn’t mean anything for about two more years. So this goes for about ten minutes and nothing of note happens.
I kept looking for something to talk about but this is just ten minutes of pure unadulterated average wrestling. It’s not that good and it’s not that bad but it’s not interesting or anything. It would be fine on any TV show or house show but on a PPV, I doubt it. We of course go to a massive brawl that ends with Bart hitting Phineas with something that resembles a cowboy boot but it’s not entirely clear for the pin.
Rating: C. That’s the epitome of what this match is: average. It’s just there. It’s not bad, it’s not good, it’s just a ten minute tag match where the faces acted like faces and the heels acted like heels. There was no appeal to this match at all. These two teams feuded for what seemed like ever and it never went anywhere. The tag division was more or less dead until 99 when the Hardys and Edge and Christian became the answer to the cruiserweights.
Here’s a fourway Tag Team Title match from Summerslam 1996.
Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. New Rockers vs. Bodydonnas vs. Godwinns
The heel Gunns are defending and this is under elimination rules. The New Rockers are Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy (Al Snow) and the Bodydonnas are Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (Tom Pritchard). Skip is in a neck brace here due to a potentially broken neck but he’s wrestling anyway. The Gunns have Sunny who looks GREAT as a cowgirl. Billy Gunn starts with Henry Godwinn with Hank throwing Billy around with ease.
A wheelbarrow slam sends Billy out to the floor and it’s off to Phineas vs. Zip. After a comedic feeling out process it’s off to both Gunns at the same time. Zip and Phineas strut across the ring for no apparent reason as the Gunns freak out about having to fight each other. The referee says either make contact or be disqualified. After no contact, Bart tags in Zip so the crowd can have something else to be bored by. Jannetty trips Zip and Billy gets an easy pin so the Bodydonnas don’t have to be out there long.
Henry comes back in to crank on Billy’s arm but Billy quickly tags out to Jannetty. Marty slowly pounds on Henry and plays to the comatose crowd. Leif gets the tag but quickly brings in Billy to work over Henry. The Rockers have a miscue with the Gunns and Henry gets two off a side slam on Billy. Marty’s save results in an elbow drop on Billy as everything breaks down. Henry kicks Marty into Leif and hits the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) on Cassidy for the elimination.
We’re down to the Godwinns vs. the champions and it’s Bart in for the first time. Henry explodes out of the corner with a clothesline to put both guys down. Bart breaks up a tag attempt as this match is dragging terribly. Billy comes in and the place is so silent you can hear the insults between the wrestlers.
Back to Bart to pound away on Henry for a few moments before bringing Billy back in. Henry catches a charging Billy in a World’s strongest Slam and there’s the lukewarm tag to Phineas. He cleans house and everything breaks down with Phineas hitting the Slop Drop on Billy, only to have Bart blast Phineas from the top for the pin to retain.
Rating: D-. This was so boring I could barely keep my eyes open. The tag title scene was so barren at this point that there were practically zero interesting acts at all. That would be the case for over a year when the New Age Outlaws FINALLY brought the division back to life for a few years. Terribly boring match.
Now we’ll get to a very important phase of Billy’s career. He would ditch the Smoking Gunns team and become a dancing cowboy named Rockabilly. This led to a series of matches against one Jesse James, including this one at In Your House XIV.
Jesse James vs. Rockabilly
Oh let’s get this over with. Jesse James is the returning Roadie, who was revealed as being the voice that Jeff Jarrett was lip synching to. The debuting Rockabilly is Billy Gunn, but now as a dancer under Honky Tonk Man’s tutelage, following months of Honky looking for his new protege. It’s even more confusing since Billy punched Honky two weeks ago. Billy kicks away at Jesse’s ribs and comes back with a dropkick, sending Billy to the floor. A clothesline off the apron takes Billy down and Jesse says he’s coming for Honky next.
Back in and Billy scores with a dropkick of his own before posing a bit. The match slows down a lot as Billy is more interested in dancing than going for a win. Now it’s off to a chinlock before Billy rakes the eyes to slow James down. A corner splash misses and Billy hits the post and eventually James gets up to pounds away in the corner. Billy sends him to the floor before bringing it back inside for more dancing. As usual this goes badly as his suplex is countered into a small package by Jesse for a fast pin.
Rating: D. Egads this show has been horrible so far. This is another feud that went on for months with no one caring, though in this case there would be something good to come out of it. We’ll get to that later, but for now there was nothing to see here and no one was interested in these two at this point.
The guys got tired of fighting each other and became a team called the New Age Outlaws. Here they are in action at Survivor Series 1997.
Team New Age Outlaws vs. Team Headbangers
New Age Outlaws, Godwinns
Headbangers, New Blackjacks
The Outlaws I’m sure you know, the Godwinns are evil here and are Henry and Phineas, the Headbangers are Mosh and Thrasher, and the Blackjacks are Barry Windham and Bradshaw. Windham (looking FAT here) starts with Phineas, the latter of which is immediately knocked to the floor with a shoulder block. This is when the Outlaws are a new team of jobbers who would soon shock the world and win the titles from the LOD.
Off to Bradshaw who looks skinny here by comparison to what he would become. Phineas gets a boot up in the corner as the evil ones take over. The Outlaws don’t want to come in so it’s off to Henry instead. Bradshaw gets two off a legsweep and puts on an abdominal stretch before falling back and rolling up Henry for the pin. Back to Windham to face Phineas, with Barry hitting a gutwrench suplex and a lariat for two. Phineas comes back with a clothesline of his own for the elimination and to tie it up at three.
Mosh comes in to take over on Phineas with a devastating armbar. It’s off to Billy who beats down Mosh and receives homophobic chants in his general nature. Or maybe it’s something in French. We get down to some basic wrestling and the fans go SILENT. Mosh tries a bulldog but Billy shoves him off and gets the pin for a quick elimination. It’s Thrasher/Bradshaw vs. Phineas/Outlaws.
Thrasher (trivia for you: Thrasher had a big hand in training Big Show) comes in and works on the arm but Phineas takes him down in return. The action in this match is really dull so far. Thrasher goes up and hits the Stage Dive (top rope seated senton) for the pin to make it 2-2. Off to Bradshaw vs. Road Dogg with the future JBL pounding away. A gutwrench powerbomb puts Dogg down but a Billy distraction lets Roadie get a school boy to pin Bradshaw.
Thrasher pounds on Dogg but walks into a pumphandle slam. He counters into a cover on the Dogg, but Billy comes off the top with a legdrop. Now when I say legdrop, I mean he literally is a foot away from Thrasher but gets the pin anyway. This looked so bad that even though I had seen it before, it still made my jaw drop. The Outlaws survive.
Rating: F-. The ending alone makes this a failure, but on top of that, the best worker in this match by far was Thrasher. Let that sink in for a minute. The Outlaws had only been the Outlaws for a month and a half or so at this point so no one cared about them, the Godwinns are as interesting as corporate accounting, the Blackjacks are the Blackjacks, and the Headbangers are barely interesting at all. This was a horrible match and an even worse choice for an opener.
The Outlaws would shock the world and beat the Legion of Doom for the Tag Team Titles. Here’s the rematch from Royal Rumble 1998.
Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Legion of Doom
The Outlaws make fun of the 49ers who lost in the NFC Title game recently to the Packers. The LOD says that Animal’s back is fine and they’re putting the Outlaws on ice tonight. The Outlaws jump the challengers which goes badly in a hurry, as Animal powerbombs the Dogg. The champions try to walk out but get thrown back in so we can start with Hawk (who had one mohawk shaved off earlier in this feud) vs. Roadie.
Off to Animal as Road Dogg’s mouth is bleeding. The pounding continues so here’s Hawk for his one wrestling move in the neckbreaker. Gunn gets the tag and Hawk hits a freaking Lou Thesz Press of all things so he can pound away some more. Animal powerslams both Outlaws down and it’s off to a reverse chinlock on Gunn. Hawk comes in for his second surprise move of the match in an STF.
That goes nowhere so it’s back to Animal, who is tripped up by Roadie. They head outside where Animal is sent into the steps to finally switch the momentum. Hawk gets double teamed in the ring but clotheslines both Outlaws down (Animal is still legal) but charges into the post. Dogg finds some handcuffs and attaches Hawk to the post, making it a handicap match. Animal makes a comeback with a double clothesline, but Dogg hits him with a chair for the DQ.
Rating: D. So with an injury AND his partner tied up on the floor, Animal STILL couldn’t lay down for a pin? Seriously? This match sucked and would have been just slightly better on Raw with less time. The LOD was nothing at this point while the Outlaws were finally starting to turn some heads. Until this point though, they were two jobbers with the titles who kept escaping with them. Brighter days were coming.
Time to change history. From Raw on March 30, 1998.
Tag Titles: Cactus Jack/Chainsaw Charlie vs. New Age Outlaws
Road Dogg is wearing a JOB Squad t-shirt for some reason. The old guys jump them as they get in and the fight is on. Funk has a BAD bruise on his back/hip. Gunn gets suplexed into the cage and is hung upside down from the top of the cage. There are no tags in this. This is a total mess but that’s supposed to be the point so it works.
Funk is tied to the cage with something. Cactus manages to get a double DDT but it’s a handicap match now. Funk gets an arm free but can’t untie himself. He’s tied by his throat. Jack and Gunn go up to the corner and Billy gets crotched. DX comes in and Pac blasts Cactus with a chair and a spike Piledriver onto said chair gives the Outlaws the titles again.
Rating: C. Call this right in the middle because it was a big mess, but that was the idea here. Also the whole point of this was to show that DX had fresh blood in it as the Outlaws are officially part of DX now. This was a perfect fit as they were all about the lack of respect and all that jazz. They worked rather well in that role too.
We’ll jump ahead to Survivor Series 1998 with the Outlaws defending the Tag Team Titles.
Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Headbangers vs. D’Lo Brown/Mark Henry
The Outlaws are defending of course. This was set up on Raw with both challenging teams doing something that I can’t remember to earn the shot. Billy and Brown start things off but Mosh comes in off a blind tag to try to steal a pin on Billy. Mosh hits a running body attack in the corner on Gunn before diving at Brown as well. This is pretty messy so far. The Outlaws pound on the former Nation guys in opposite corners before the Headbangers double team Roadie.
Brown and Mosh trade pin attempts on Dogg. This is the old triple threat tag match rules where there are three people at a time in there which I’ve always preferred. Off to Henry for a bearhug on Roadie until Mosh makes the save. Off to Brown, Thrasher and Dogg as this continues to be ugly stuff. Gunn gets in a LOUD argument with the referee as Brown ranas Thrasher off the top.
Roadie pounds on Brown and Thrasher but Henry takes his head off with a clothesline. Brown’s running powerbomb to Thrasher is countered into a sunset flip for two. A Henry legdrop gets the same on Dogg, followed by the Headbangers double teaming Roadie for the same. Brown offers a pact with Mosh but gets kicked in the balls for his efforts. JR can almost be heard moaning at how bad this match is. Roadie finally escapes the beating for the hot tag to Billy. The fans LOVED the Outlaws so at least they’re reacting here.
Brown hits the Sky High on Billy but since everyone is out of position, it takes forever to start the count. Jesse Ventura would have a field day with this. To further the stupidity here, Billy hits a Fameasser on Mosh but Henry makes the save with a splash, also hitting Mosh. Mark just stays on top of Mosh for a cover, but after two finisher it only gets two. That Mosh man, he’s TOUGH. Billy finally piledrives Mosh to retain the titles.
Rating: F. This was terrible and there’s no other way to put it. They were all over the place and no one was even reading the same book out there. The referee had to count very slowly so the saves could be made and there was no flow to this at all. Just awful and JR’s commentary makes it even funnier, but in a kind of sad way.
We’ll even get in a singles match on Raw from January 25, 1999.
Billy Gunn vs. Goldust
Gunn’s ankle is still messed up from last night. HHH says no catchphrase tonight, because he wants Rocky right here. He doesn’t think Rock made Mankind say I Quit and he knows Rock can’t make him say I Quit. HHH remembers the last time they fought for a title when HHH took the IC Title off Rock, but for once, be a man and accept the challenge.
Oh yeah we have a match here. Goldust jumps Billy from behind and tries for Shattered Dreams about a minute in. Billy counters by mooning Goldie, making him miss a cross body. Now Goldust’s music and pyro go off, and the Blue Freaking Meanie comes out dressed as Blue Dust. Billy gets two off a rollup and three off a piledriver after Blue Dust hit Goldie with the Head. Angle advancement here.
The team would split in 1999, setting up this match at Over the Edge 1999.
Road Dogg vs. Billy Gunn
You can tell Roadie is extra hyped up here. Gunn cuts a pretty bad promo, saying he carried the team. Just based on the opening here, we have a far better match here than we had in 2008. For one thing it’s 9 years younger and they can actually move out of the ring which helps a lot. Road Dogg is face here mind you. Billy hits the Jackhammer which is called a vertical suplex here.
They’re far more energetic this time too and the crowd is more into it. Also there’s no cage which is helping a lot. Lawler is back to himself now. I think the idea of out of sight and out of mind is helping here. I think Gunn wins the award for world’s worst sleeper ever. We get the comeback and it’s a pretty decent one.
The fans are freaking responding to this. On the floor Gunn hits Roadie in the head with the timekeeper’s hammer. Yeah this is over. Oh dang I would have bet on that being the finish. Gunn gets a shot to the throat with some tape before the Famerasser ends it.
Rating: C+. FAR better effort here. This was a pretty good match I thought and at least the ending worked pretty well. It’s not great but it’s not bad at all. Roadie’s energy was off the charts as always and it worked pretty well. The crowd was into it also so I can’t complain and the wrestling was bearable.
Billy would take part in the 1999 King of the Ring. He would win the tournament but the semi-final and final are so bad that we’ll look at his quarterfinal match instead.
KOTR Quarterfinals: Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn
Billy beat Viscera and Shamrock beat Jarrett to qualify. Gunn has a tag belt but isn’t a champion in a way too complicated storyline that was shockingly a Russo idea. He won one of the titles or something like that in a 6 man but it was never official and the APA got them back in a few days. Yeah it was pointless. Gunn says get out here and forfeit. Shamrock beats up the EMTs and comes out anyway to a nice pop but no music until it comes on as I’m typing that and I’m too lazy to fix it.
Teddy Long, the referee here says that Ken is too hurt to fight but he rings the bell anyway. Gunn is actually smart here and pounds on the chest and ribs and nothing else. Shamrock actually gets a quick ankle lock but a shot to the ribs gets Gunn out of it. You can more or less see the ending coming from miles away. Shamrock starts a comeback and drops a ton of F bombs while spitting up pink blood that’s staining his skin.
I like the blood from the mouth but Vince, you’re miles ahead of everyone in the wrestling world. Buy good fake blood. Shamrock tries a hurricanrana but it’s countered into a powerbomb and the blood flow causes the referee to call it due to the injuries. Also, blood doesn’t hang off the lip like a string. Long takes the safest through the ropes bump I’ve ever seen.
Rating: C+. Although it’s three minutes long, this was actually decent. In those three minutes, we have psychology in the chest/rib work, some decent shots, a decent performance from Shamrock, and an ending that makes sense. It’s weak, but it makes sense. They have way too many matches here so we have three matches and no regular endings yet. That can’t be a good sign.
Here’s a dream match from Unforgiven 1999.
Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. New Age Outlaws
Edge and Christian are young faces here and asked for a title match on Heat. How weird is it that Edge and Christian would be light years ahead of the Outlaws at the end of the day? The Outlaws are freshly reunited here and the pop is noticeably quieter. And I’m wrong as they’re WAY into the Road Dogg entrance stuff. Edge and Gunn start us off. Korderas is refereeing again which is good as there shouldn’t be any drama here.
This was when Gunn was still bearable in the ring so this is decent to start off with. Edge and Christian were young and awesome at this time so this is a fun match on paper. More or less no way they were going to win though as the Outlaws had just won the belts recently. Lawler asks Ross if he likes it doggy style. That’s just wrong. The Outlaws are showing off here which you NEVER see. It’s not bad actually. Edge is WAY into steroids here as he’s ripped as all goodness.
I don’t know if I believe this but I think the Outlaws are having a good standard tag match here. What in the world am I watching? You could tell that the challengers were going to be awesome at some point in the future. What would be called Poetry in Motion when the Hardys used it misses.
Gunn gets the hot tag and he just starts cleaning house. NICE powerslam. This is a solid match actually. And here are the Hardys and Gangrel. They beat up Edge and Christian so the Fameasser ends it. Screw this good match thing! We want RUN INS! Russo was gone but still being felt at this time I guess.
Rating: B. Solid stuff here as they went back and forth with the Outlaws showing that they could go when they wanted to. This of course makes me want to know: why didn’t they do it more often? It’s a shame they didn’t as this was awesome. Of course Edge and Christian would have their time.
Billy would be out of action for a big chunk of 2000 with an injury but would come back in the fall as a singles act. Here he is getting an Intercontinental Title shot on Smackdown, Novmeber 23, 2000.
Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Billy Gunn
Before the bell, Billy quickly takes him to the floor and hammers away before dropping him face first onto the barricade. They head inside for the opening bell and both guys try a cross body for a big collision. Eddie brings in the title belt and a ref bump lets him drop Billy face first onto the belt for two.
The Frog Splash gets the same and Eddie is livid. Back up and a powerslam gets two for Gunn and the tilt-a-whirl slam gets the same. A Jackhammer plants Eddie for no cover but the Fameasser gets another near fall. Gunn tries it again but Eddie sends him into the ropes for a breather. Eddie goes up but dives into the One and Only (sleeper slam) for the pin and the title.
Rating: D+. You think we had enough kickouts from finishers here? It’s a five minute match on Smackdown, not the main event of Summerslam. The match was decent enough and a good way to get Billy over, even though he lost the title less than a month later. Eddie breaking up with Chyna made this as easy a match as you could ask for. Nothing special but the kickouts were pretty odd.
The Invasion didn’t go well for Billy but here’s a match against a future star on Raw, June 25, 2001.
Edge vs. Billy Gunn
Fast paced stuff to start but Billy heads to the floor. Baseball slide puts him down and a missile dropkick gets two back inside. Billy hits a spinebuster for no cover. Out to the floor with Billy in control. There’s a guy in the crowd doing a Hogan impression and since we’re watching a Billy Gunn match, the fans cheer for Hogan.
Edge spears him down and makes a comeback until Christian accidentally hits him. Billy gets two off a rollup and Jackhammers Edge for two. There’s a boring chant. Who thought giving BILLY GUNN a long match in 2001 was a good idea? Billy loads up the Fameasser but Christian comes in with a backbreaker so Edge can Impale Billy for the pin.
Rating: F+. And 99% of that is for Gunn. What in the world were they thinking by pushing him OVER AND OVER AGAIN??? I mean he just kept getting time on TV and less and less people cared every time until he owed the people some caring for the interest getting so low. Terribly uninteresting match and the crowd turned on it. Why is Edge facing Billy Gunn anyway? He beat Kurt Angle last night to win the King of the Ring and now he’s got Billy Gunn?
Billy would hook up with Chuck Palumbo for the gay (literally, as in they had a wedding ceremony) tag team of Billy and Chuck. Here they are defending the Tag Team Titles at Wrestlemania X8.
Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Billy and Chuck vs. APA
Saliva plays the Dudleyz to the ring which gives us the VERY nice image of Stacy in the Dudley attire dancing to the song. I’ve always thought she never looked better than she did in those outfits. Billy and Chuck are defending and this is elimination rules. Bradshaw jumps Chuck to start but Billy saves him from the fallaway slam. Instead it’s Billy taking it as it’s all Bradshaw so far.
A big belly to back suplex puts Chuck down again and it’s off to Faarooq. The crowd is eerily silent for this. Chuck clips Faarooq in the jaw with a right hand and it’s off to Billy for some choking. Billy loads up the Fameasser but gets caught in a wicked powerslam. Back to Bradshaw as things break down a bit. Billy tags in D-Von but the APA breaks up a 3D attempt. Faarooq hits a spinebuster on Chuck on the floor and there’s the big Clothesline to Billy, but Bradshaw walks into the 3D for the elimination.
The Hardys and Dudleys start fighting for old times’ sake before Matt and Jeff start beating on Chuck. The Dudleys load up a table but the Hardys dive on them to slow it up. Back in and there’s the Whisper in the Wind to Bubba. Stacy gets up on the apron and pulls up her shorts to distract Jeff, only to get spanked and kissed. A Bubba Bomb slows down Billy before Bubba chokes on Jeff with his shirt.
Things finally calm down a bit until we get to Jeff vs. Bubba again. With D-Von’s help, Bubba manages a backdrop to put Jeff down again and puts on a chinlock. D-Von comes in and runs over Jeff before pounding away in the corner. A belly to back suplex gets two and it’s back to Bubba. Having a regular tag match between these two is probably the best idea given how lame Billy and Chuck were in the ring. Bubba stands on Jeff’s crotch in the Tree of Woe before tagging in D-Von for some choking.
A clothesline by Jeff allows for the hot tag to Matt, only to see him immediately run over by Bubba. The backsplash misses of course though and Matt tries to speed it up a bit, only to get caught in What’s Up. Before D-Von can dive though, the champions remember they’re in this too and shove D-Von through the table on the floor. Matt pops up and it’s the Twist into the Swanton for the pin on Bubba, leaving us with Billy and Chuck against the Hardys.
A Side Effect puts Billy down and there’s Poetry in Motion for good measure. Chuck gets the same along with a Twist of Fate. Jeff adds in the Swanton but Billy sneaks in with a Fameasser on Jeff but Chuck can only get two off o it. Instead it’s a belt shot to Jeff’s head for the pin by Chuck to FINALLY end this.
Rating: D. This was only thirteen minutes long but MAN ALIVE was this a chore to sit through. There was no need for this to be on the card and everyone from the commentators to the fans had no interest in it. The only good thing about this was how insanely hot Stacy looked. This could have easily been cut and made this already bloated show a bit easier to sit through.
Billy would miss some time due to an injury but come back in 2003. Here he is at Vengeance. If he loses, Torrie has to sleep with Jamie Noble against her will, because that kind of stuff can be wagered in wrestling matches.
Billy Gunn vs. Jamie Noble
Jamie brings a briefcase with his “stuff” in it. They actually open it which is creepy. Jamie’s girlfriend Nidia comes out and is mad at him over this clearly. See the criticisms of soap opera stuff that WWE gets? Noble works on his knee so his regular stuff can’t work. Gunn busts out a random Diamond Cutter for two. Didn’t see that one coming. Noble hooks a DDT from the second rope. I liked that.
Nidia puts his foot on the ropes though since she doesn’t want Torrie sleeping with Noble. That makes sense at least. Both girls beat him up. Billy gets rammed into Torrie and gets rolled up for the pin. Torrie says Holy censored and it’s rather amusing. Cole shouting NOBLE GETS TO SLEEP WITH TORRIE cracked me up. He wants to watch. Oh dear.
Rating: D. Bad match on top of a bad angle doesn’t help. Naturally it didn’t happen and Noble and Gunn started teaming together because it’s professional wrestling and of course it doesn’t make sense. Torrie looked hot though so I can’t complain much there. Still though, stupid angle and a stupid match.
Billy would be used very infrequently around this time but we’ll look at one more WWE match from Judgment Day 2004.
Smackdown Tag Titles: Charlie Haas/Rico vs. Billy Gunn/Hardcore Holly
Charlie/Rico are the champions here and it’s another oddball team. Rico is fully embracing his gay side here and the only good thing is Jackie Gayda looking incredible. However, Billy Gunn and Hardcore Holly? Bart Gunn wasn’t available to reform the New Midnight Express? The challengers argue over who starts first so Rico slaps/grabs their rumps. Wouldn’t Billy be used to that?
Ok officially we start with Haas vs. Holly. After a brief feeling out process Holly grabs a headlock and it’s technician vs. power brawler to start us off. Off to Rico who slaps Haas’ chest to come in. Rico touches the redneck Holly and it’s off to the former groom as Rico does a cancan. Rico kisses his hand and puts it on Billy’s face to really mess with Gunn. We have butt slapping and some rodeo before Rico kicks Billy who falls onto his knees in front of Rico. Yep we’re in a comedy match.
Gunn finally gets ticked off and drills Rico, and by that I mean he punches him you sick freaks. Holly vs. Haas now with Holly getting a suplex for two. We hit the chinlock before Gunn comes in and hammers away. Rico: “Don’t you hurt my Charlie!” Holly’s kick between the legs (to the stomach) gets two. I missed a Rico likes hardcore joke in there somewhere.
Holly goes to the middle rope and does the jump into the boot of a guy in a move where the only reason I went to the top was to jump into the boot because a double clothesline is beyond my intelligence spot. Haas gets the tag (moderate temperature) and Rico cleans house (no French Maid outfit?) but gets caught in a Fameasser. There was a blind tag to Haas though so no cover. Alabama Slam is caught by a superkick from Rico lets Haas get a sunset flip on Holly to retain.
Rating: C-. Just a tag match based in comedy here. Nothing worth seeing at all as Jackie looking good was a regular occurrence. Not a bad match or anything mind you, but when the biggest star is Billy Gunn and he’s a glorified jobber who would be gone in six months, the same week as Rico actually. Nothing terrible, but just there for the most part.
It’s off to TNA now, starting at Destination X 2005.
Outlaw vs. Kevin Nash
This is first blood. No particular reason for it but whatever. Oh he’s Kip James apparently. Seriously is Kip James the best name you could give him? Honestly? Let’s remind us that Nash has won a bunch of titles in WCW and WWE, but never the NWA Title. Oh dear. Wait, according to Vince that’s the same thing so whatever.
Nash still has the really short hair here and looks like an idiot because of it. James is working on the knee which at least makes sense here. Wait a minute, no it doesn’t. It’s FIRST BLOOD. Why wouldn’t you go after the head? Oh that’s right: It’s Billy Gunn in TNA. Hey, let’s try to drive a screwdriver into the head of a man. That’s not bad at all.
Gunn goes with a chair instead. Well at least he’s trying to kill him with a less violent method. Gunn stops the offense to use wire cutters to cut a turnbuckle pad off. The referee goes down but I have no idea how that happened. Oh never mind. I just don’t care.
Nash hits Snake Eyes onto the buckle and there’s no referee so cue up the screwjob music. Jarrett runs out and nails Nash with the belt and the physician or someone runs in to clean things up. An attorney made him I think. Oh good night this is dumb. West isn’t helping at all either. Yep there’s the bell and Nash loses.
Rating: D+. It’s not bad but I just didn’t care at all. No one cares about Gunn anymore and no wrestling company accepts that. First Blood matches tend to suck anyway but they’re easy ways to get cheap heel heat I guess. Not that anyone can tell the difference in TNA though between faces and heels.
From Final Resolution 2006. You knew this wouldn’t take TNA long.
Diamonds in the Rough vs. James Gang
It’s Elix Skipper/David Young and this is the return match for the James Gang. BG and Skipper start things off. Skipper shoves him down and it’s a very slow start. Skipper suplexes BG over and works on the arm for a second. BG comes back with the dancing punches and shaking knee drop for two. David and Kip come in for a few collisions that go nowhere.
The Diamonds try some double teaming but get caught in a double Japanese armdrag by Kip. They get sent to the floor and the Gang beats on them on the floor. The fans chant for the Outlaws but BG walks into a spinebuster from Young for no cover. There’s a reason the guy lost like 86 matches in a row. Skipper pounds on BG for a bit before it’s back to Young who covers, only to have Kip distract the referee. David misses a moonsault and it’s hot tag to Kip. Skipper clotheslines him down and everything breaks down. Young breaks up the pumphandle slam but Kip hits the cobra clutch slam for the pin on Elix.
Rating: D. You know there’s a running theme with these New Age Outlaws matches: they’re not that good. These guys were never known for their in ring work and it’s pretty clear why. The matches just aren’t any good with the action being generic the whole way through. There was nothing to this and it was a horrible return for the James Gang or whatever they’re called this month.
Then they turned into the Voodoo Kin Mafia which is some shot at Vince. I don’t get it either. From Slammiversary 2007.
Voodoo Kin Mafia vs. Damaja/Basham
At least we can look at Christy’s hottness. Big brawl to start and no one is really all that interested. Christy is chased into the ring and oh hey there’s the bell. Basham (Danny) vs. Road Dogg to start us off. Roadie gets beaten down and it’s off to Kip. He gets double teamed as well as the Bashams set for a double suplex. Roadie spears one of them and Billy gets a small package to Basham for the pin. This was NOTHING, not even lasting three minutes.
One more showdown for old times’ sake. From Lockdown 2008.
BG James vs. Kip James
Seriously, how has this match not happened before? This started as Roadie won a tag title shot in Feast or Fired and had his 60+ year old father be his partner of all things. No one bought it and this is what it was setting up. This should have been the finals of the 99 KOTR but that would have made sense so there we go.
Billy breaks out a Diamond Cutter of all things to counter the punches of Roadie. Sorry, I refuse to call him Kip James. Roadie is easier to type than BG James also, even though that really is closer than Jesse James. The problem with this whole PPV shows up again: while this could actually be a decent feud/match, the first match of it simply doesn’t belong in a cage as it’s just a regular match but in a cage.
A Fameasser gets two and then a low blow has both guys down. Naturally the finish sucks: Billy stomps his foot three times before going for a splash which misses and Roadie rolls him up for the pin. They do the reunion for about two seconds and Kip does the heel turn which no one cares about but of course it’s evil and no one saw it coming. After a bad and short feud with Matt Morgan, Billy would be Cute Kip to just end any shred of credibility he had.
Rating: D-. What was the point of this again? Actually that’s not a fair question. This match actually had a point. However, giving them seven minutes in a pointless cage match is just freaking stupid by TNA as they throw away a potentially kind of big match with no time and a terrible finish. Makes sense at least.
Then at Genesis 2009, he was brought in as the surprise main event replacement because TNA doesn’t know how wresling works.
Main Event Mafia vs. Front Line
It’s Booker, Steiner and a mystery partner here vs. AJ, D-Von and Foley but I just felt like trying to make it seem more important. Booker is Legends (Global/TV) Champion here. He’s also the British version here. The suitable replacement is of course Cute Kip. As in Kip James. As in Billy Gunn. As in the “he’s gay but we’re not going to say he’s gay because it would likely get us in trouble” character.
Fans are SILENT when he’s announced. This was a one shot deal for the Mafia and everyone just freaked out when they picked him, as no one bought him as anything but a joke. Tenay of course mentions DX and the Outlaws because we have to remind people of that instead of his success in TNA. Gunn lists off his WWF accomplishments and says he really is a tough guy. This is about a minute after Booker introduced him as the Cutie.
This is Foley’s return to the ring. AJ is still the awesome face at this point and the most awesome wrestler in the world. Him without the robe works MUCH better than with it. Foley is apparently wearing the flannel to be like Brother Ray. That’s so stupid I can’t even make a joke about it. I guess Foley is the big draw here. Steiner cusses out West before the match starts.
We leave the ring immediately and it’s a huge mess. Foley goes up for the elbow but the heels all move. We finally get things back to at least close to calm and start doing some tagging. That’s a pretty good lineup of tag wrestlers on the Mafia side actually. On the other side it’s not bad either I guess, but seriously, D-Von Dudley is in a main event in 2010. What sense does that make?
It’s just a six man tag though. There’s nothing on the line and there’s nothing of importance here. After this match no matter who wins or loses things will be exactly the same. Why should I want to watch this match? Better yet why would I pay to see this match? That’s the issue I have with tags ending PPVs: they accomplish nothing. AJ fights out of trouble with a Pele.
Fameasser misses and Kip takes the Pele. Hot tag to Foley who beats up Kip James. They head to the floor and brawl a lot….and there’s the bell? It’s a double countout but Cornette comes out and says restart it just because I guess. Booker says Cornette doesn’t have the authority to do that. Foley says he does though so it’s restarted, also making it a hardcore match.
Everything goes nuts of course as everyone is fighting in the aisle with weapons etc. The fans want tables. Foley goes onto the announce table via Booker. After some more skirmishing, Foley tells D-Von to get the tables. Booker is put on a regular table and out of NOWHERE comes AJ with a huge dive to crush Booker and take out everyone but D-Von and Steiner.
Top rope headbutt to Steiner and Foley busts out Socko. It’s in Booker’s mouth but Steiner saves. Everything goes insane and Steiner takes a double arm DDT onto a chair from Foley to get pinned. As the Front Line celebrates, Tenay talks about how the Mafia won tonight. Uh, yeah sure they did dude. Just glad this is over.
Rating: F+. I know I’ve said this a lot but Kip James and D-Von Dudley were just in the main event of a PPV. Add in that to the fact that it was a meaningless six man tag with nothing on the line and that we stopped for a promo series in the middle and that the hardcore stuff was weak and why should this get anything above failing? Just a bad match to main event a PPV with to put it mildly.
Billy would head back to WWE for a bit as a nostalgia act in 2014. From Raw on January 20, 2014.
Billy Gunn vs. CM Punk
Road Dogg is on commentary and says the Outlaws turned on Punk for the publicity which has gotten them a Tag Team Title shot. Punk sends Billy to the floor and into the apron but stops to yell at Roadie. Billy gets in a cheap shot and we take a break. Back with Punk putting on a sleeper but getting suplexed down and put in a chinlock. Billy slams Punk down and finally takes his shirt off, only to be knocked to the floor again.
Punk loads up a suicide dive but instead goes to the floor to beat up Road Dogg. The knee in the corner looks to set up Punk’s bulldog but a Dogg distraction lets Billy hit a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. Punk comes right back and loads up the Macho Elbow but Dogg pulls Gunn to the floor. Not that it matters as the GTS connects for the pin on Billy a few seconds later for the pin at 8:57.
Rating: C. I’m not a big Billy Gunn fan but this worked well enough. There was no way you put either Outlaw over Punk and having them double team him was the only way to make the match even the slightest bit competitive. This was more about advancing the Punk vs. Authority story and there’s nothing wrong with that.
And one more as the Outlaws won the Tag Team Titles and defend them at Elimination Chamber 2014.
Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Usos
The Usos are challenging. Jimmy shoves Billy around to start and some armdrags and hiptosses send Gunn outside. The Usos load up their double dive but the Outlaws move before the jump. Back in for Dogg vs. Jey with the champion’s headbutt hurting him instead of Jey. A hiptoss sends Jey into the corner and he looked to injure his knee or leg. The shaky kneedrop gets two and it’s back to Gunn for a two count.
The CM Punk chants start up as Dogg shrugs off some right hands and knees Jey down again. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Jey fights up and superkicks Jey back down. Hot tag brings in Jimmy to speed things up leaving Jimmy vs. Gunn in the ring. Road Dogg pulls his partner away from the running Umaga attack but Jimmy dives onto Roadie. Back in and a superkick gets two on Gunn but Jimmy has to go after Road Dogg, allowing Billy to grab a rollup for the pin at 8:34.
Rating: D+. This is more about frustrating booking than a bad match but the wrestling was nothing great either. I’m not sure if the Outlaws are holding the belts because they’re friends of HHH or because this company thinks there’s more to nostalgia than anyone else, but I don’t get the appeal of the Outlaws getting clean pins on top tag teams.
Billy Gunn is a guy that had the look and the athleticism, but he never made it work as a singles guy. At the end of the day, the guy just didn’t work out without Road Dogg there to compliment him. There’s nothing wrong with being a tag team wrestler though and Billy was part of three very good teams. That’s quite the accomplishment and something most people can’t claim.
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On This Day: August 8, 1999 – Sunday Night Heat: The Dying Days of RussoRiffic WWF
Sunday Night Heat Date: August 8, 1999
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 13,793
Commentators: Michael Cole, Kevin Kelly
Somehow I’ve never touched on Sunday Night Heat. Introduced in 1998, it was the original second show until Smackdown debuted (a few weeks after this episode), after which it dropped like a stone in importance. This is actually a live episode for no apparent reason We’re two weeks from Summerslam 1999 and Austin is champion. The question is who will he be facing. Somehow we wound up with about four #1 contenders matches in a month so it’s hard to say who he’s facing at this point. Let’s get to it.
The opening sequence sounds like metal being hammered. The main color being orange didn’t do the show much good either.
Intercontinental Title: Val Venis vs. D’Lo Brown
Brown is defending and is European Champion as well. Venis makes sex jokes about tax cuts. Here’s Jeff Jarrett, the man Brown beat for the Intercontinental Title, comes out before the match, allowing Venis to get in a cheap shot. Brown takes over with ease and drops a leg for two as Jarrett blames Debra for costing him the title. Venis comes back with a spinebuster for two of his own as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer for. A Russian legsweep puts D’Lo down but Jeff runs in for the DQ.
Venis and Brown clear the ring.
Here’s Al Snow with his dog Pepper for a chat. Snow wants to know why Kevin Kelly doesn’t believe Pepper talks to him like Timmy and Lassie, Dorothy and Toto, George Jetson and Astro or Shaggy and Scooby. However, tonight he’s here to challenge Boss Man to a Hardcore Title match at Summerslam. Boss Man says ok and threatens to rape the dog with his nightstick and deep fry him into a real corndog. Or maybe he’ll just step on Pepper’s head. DANG this guy has some deep seeded issues.
Tori vs. Les Lexie Fyfe
Tori was good looking but one of the worst workers all time so we get to see her in a squash. You might know Fyfe from Shimmer or various other female promotions. The match is of course sloppy junk until Tori spears Lexie down and wins with a powerslam.
Ivory, Tori’s opponent at Summerslam, runs in and attacks Tori, writing SL** on her stomach.
Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. Kane/Road Dogg
This is Ministry vs. others with the Acolytes defending. The Acolytes hit the ring before Kane is here and the beating is on. Dogg is taken apart but here’s Kane for the opening bell. Kane cleans house to start but the numbers catch up to him. Bradshaw gets taken down by a side slam but Kane goes after Faarooq instead of following up. There’s the top rope clothesline to take out Bradshaw and here’s Hardcore Holly of all people.
He gets on the apron in Kane’s corner and tags himself in which apparently counts….and turns on Kane (was he ever on Kane’s team?)…..before turning on the Acolytes and fighting everyone. The Acolytes lay out Holly and we cut to Big Show being held back by Undertaker for some reason. Did I mention this was when Russo was feeling stressed out and about to leave?
Meat (Shawn Stasiak) says Terri is wearing him out.
Godfather vs. Prince Albert
Albert is Tensai. No match as a fat guy in white (Vic Grimes I believe) comes in to help Droz and Albert attack Godfather but Val Venis and Chaz (Mosh of the Headbangers in a boring gimmick) make the save. No match.
Al Snow gives Pepper training in being a hardcore dog but he can’t get him to dive through a table. Snow goes to get something but leaves Pepper there. That’s just dumb man.
Smackdown is coming.
COUNTDOWN TO THE MILLENNIUM! 26 hours to go.
Meat is too tired for his match but goes out anyway.
Snow has Pepper back and introduces him to Blue Meanie, who wants to put the dog on his taco. Al hands the dog off to a woman and destroys Meanie.
Meat vs. Big Boss Man
Boss Man is Hardcore Champion but this is non-title. Terri accidentally distracts Meat to start and Boss Man takes over. Boss Man hits the running crotch attack to Meat’s back and follows up with the sliding uppercut. We hit a quick reverse chinlock before Meat avoids a charge in the corner. Not that it matters as his hurricanrana is countered into a powerbomb to give Boss Man the pin.
Rating: D. Do I really need to explain this? Meat is the kind of one note character that is there to make Russo and Vince chuckle and little more. The match was junk other than the good powerbomb to end it, but it’s a squash match with the jobber being the subject of the match. Nothing to see here.
Rock comes out for commentary on the main event.
Billy Gunn vs. Undertaker
Billy jumps Taker to start but gets launched into the corner and stomped down. Rock is feasting on Cole and Kelly as Taker gets two off a big boot. Gunn comes back with a dropkick and a neckbreaker before choking away. Rock guarantees to beat Billy at Summerslam and demands Cole say something and “stop kayfabing like an idiot.” Taker comes back with a running DDT but Rock gets up and pounds on Billy. Taker’s partner Big Show goes after Rock but it’s a tombstone to end Billy.
Rating: D+. The match was just an excuse to have Rock out there doing his schtick. Billy was in the middle of a good push at this point but at the end of the day he was just Billy Gunn and that wasn’t enough. Rock would get back to the big times soon after this and never looked back.
Rock is chokeslammed to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. It’s easy to see when Russo is around and when he isn’t. This show was a mess with all kinds of odd characters and non wrestling, but a few months later everything was great and the WWF destroyed everything in sight. It’s amazing what happens when you let the great wrestlers put on great wrestling shows. This however, isn’t one of those shows.