Smackdown
Date: July 11, 2002
Location: Boardwalk Hall, Atlantic City, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the week after a big show and the top story is the return of the Rock. It’s not clear what he’s going to be doing here but odds are it’s something rather simple that is going to be considered amazing because it’s the Rock. If nothing else he needs to start the build towards Vengeance when he challenges for the World Title. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s World Title match which ended in a draw.

Opening sequence.

John Cena is in the main event tag. That’s a big, big step forward in a hurry.

Tag Team Titles: Edge/Hulk Hogan vs. Billy and Chuck

Billy and Chuck are challenging. Edge spinwheel kicks Chuck in the face to start but Billy snaps off a tilt-a-whirl slam to take over. As the beating ensues, it’s hard to ignore Hogan playing cheerleader. That’s one thing I always love about Hogan in tag matches: he almost never stops moving on the apron. It might be slapping the turnbuckle or pacing back and forth but he’s rarely just standing there watching. There’s a lot that can be done from that spot and it’s something not enough people do.

The double and triple teaming has Edge in trouble before we hit the chinlock to slow things down even more. Billy walks into the half nelson faceplant and it’s off to Hogan for the usual. The big boot hits Chuck’s chest/shoulder area and the one to Billy is even less accurate. Rico offers a distraction so the Fameasser can get two on Hulk. Another big boot sets up the legdrop to retain.

Rating: D+. The important thing here: the match ran 6:16 and Hogan was in the ring for about a fourth of that. Hogan wrestling less than two minutes a match but getting to do all of his signature stuff is the best thing he can do right now. Good enough match and it ends the threat of Billy and Chuck getting another shot.

Cena comes up to Undertaker (his partner tonight) to thank him for the chance tonight. Undertaker doesn’t seem to care because he’s worried about the Rock.

Torrie Wilson was doing a beach photo shoot earlier today when Molly Holly interrupted. She thinks wrestling is what matters and offers Torrie a title shot tonight. Torrie: “Ok, I’ll do it.”

The agents try to get Undertaker out of the parking lot but he’ll have none of that. A limo arrives but it’s Chris Jericho/Kurt Angle, Undertaker and Cena’s opponents tonight. Insults are exchanged and a brawl breaks out. Vince comes in for the save and some yelling.

Post break, Undertaker wants to know where Cena was. Cena says Undertaker threw him out but Undertaker yells about Cena not having his back. Undertaker thinks Cena won’t last long if he doesn’t get it together. So I guess he got it together.

Women’s Title: Torrie Wilson vs. Molly Holly

Holly is defending. Torrie gets in a slap and that’s about it for her early offense. Molly chokes on the ropes for a bit until Torrie catapults her into the corner. Some right hands in the corner have little effect as Torrie gets powerbombed out of the corner, setting up a leglock for a pin (kind of odd) to retain Molly’s title.

Rock is here.

Mark Henry/Randy Orton vs. Reverend D-Von/Batista

D-Von cheap shots Orton to start and the early beating sends Randy outside. That means it’s time for Batista to show off the power for a bit. Orton avoids a knee drop though and Henry comes in to clean house with his own power. Everything breaks down and Henry clotheslines both of them down at the same time, only to have Batista hit a Regal Roll of all things. The spinebuster ends Henry in a hurry.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here, including Orton who disappeared halfway through the match. They need to go somewhere with this idea before Orton loses what little steam he has. At least Batista and D-Von are getting somewhere with this though and that’s a big accomplishment in WWE at this point.

Hogan and Edge are going gambling. Rock comes in and Hogan takes credit for the Wrestlemania match. Rock: “You been forgetting to take your vitamins lately?” He’ll even join them at the casino after some business is taken care of. Rock mocks Hogan a bit behind his back and Edge says Mr. Nanny smoked the Scorpion King. Edge and Rock is an odd visual as their generations mostly never crossed.

Here’s Rock in the arena for the first time in a long time. Before he can get to the point though, he brings in rapper Busta Rhymes to plug an album and movie. This goes nowhere so they sing Under the Boardwalk and of course all of this is edited off the Network. After the singing ends, Rock calls out Undertaker but gets Angle instead.

Kurt thinks he’s the one Rock needs to be worried about because he can make Rock tap just like he did to Hogan. Oh and if Puff Daddy wants a shot, Kurt can make him tap too. Kurt: “I speak that jive!” After taking a bit to figure it out, Rock starts making Dr. Evil jokes. Apparently Angle isn’t a Mike Myers fan (smart man) and wants Rock next week. Rock agrees and puts Angle in the ankle lock until Undertaker comes out to clean house. This was a bit long but Rock vs. Angle should be great.

We recap the Un-Americans interrupting America the Beautiful last week.

Test vs. Rikishi

Rikishi sends him into the steps before the match as his way of standing up for America. The bell rings and Test turns him inside out with the clothesline. For some reason Storm has to hit a superkick, setting up a nearly botched pumphandle slam for two. Rikishi loads up the Banzai Drop for two but it’s too early for a Stinkface. Not that it matters as the Samoan drop ends Test in a hurry. Short match but they did a lot here, including having part of the new heel stable lose despite interference.

Post match the trio goes fater Rikishi until Edge and Hogan make the save.

Stacy and Vince are about to remove clothing when Jericho comes in to ask nothing in particular. Vince asks that he give up his match against Edge so we can have a Tag Team Title match at the pay per view. Jericho is offered a reward to be named later.

Jamie Noble, Nidia and Tajiri are rather disgusting at a restaurant. Noble talks about how he’s never had anything but the title means he’s not poor anymore. That’s not something I’m naturally going to boo.

We look at the NWO’s actions on Raw. Nash will be out for a long time.

Tajiri/Jamie Noble vs. Hurricane/Billy Kidman

Jamie and Billy run the ropes to start until Hurricane sneaks in with a hot tag to take the champ down. Tajiri comes in and starts snapping off the kicks for a bit until a miss allows the tag off to Kidman. Everything breaks down and some heel miscommunication sets up a Hurricane flip dive. Back in and a super sitout powerbomb ends Noble, likely giving Kidman a future title shot.

Rating: B-. They didn’t stop moving in the time they had but they only had a little over three minutes. Kidman as the next challenger is fine, especially when you consider the winner is just holding the title until Rey Mysterio gets here. Fun match though as the wrestling actually worked for once tonight.

Rock isn’t sure how Coach shrunk and turned to become Marc Lloyd. He went gambling today and the big Vengeance slot machine came up with three Brahma Bulls. Rock will be waiting here to see the end of the show, which sounds like a threat.

Rey Mysterio is coming in two weeks.

John Cena/Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Jericho

Undertaker and Jericho get things going with Chris actually winning the early fist fight. Cena comes in and gets beaten down, only to have Angle go shoulder first into the post. The rookie doesn’t know how to follow up though and Angle snaps him over with a belly to belly.

Some Canadian stomping keeps Cena in trouble until he powerslams Angle for a breather. Undertaker comes in as everything breaks down, including a ref bump. The Angle Slam gets a delayed two on Undertaker and it’s back to Cena. Undertaker saves his new little buddy from the Lionsault and an Oklahoma roll puts Jericho away.

Rating: C+. Cena getting the pin here is important but not as important as him being treated as someone on this level. He might have gotten beaten up a little bit but he hung in there well enough and wasn’t destroyed. You can pencil in Jericho vs. Cena for Vengeance and that should be another good night for Cena.

The brawl continues post match with Undertaker putting Angle in a dragon sleeper. Cue Rock to lay out both guys with Rock Bottoms to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Even with the star power and rookies being pushed, Smackdown continues to be the most middle of the road show ever. The wrestling and storytelling are fine but there’s still very little to actually get excited about. The show certainly isn’t bad but it’s not the most exciting. Changing a few things up can make this a great show though and it’s much better than the horrible Raw shows.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Smackdown
Date: June 27, 2002
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re in the big city tonight and it’s time for a new challenger to face Undertaker. I know Jeff Hardy is getting a title shot on Raw next week but it’s fairly clear that we’re getting some combination of Rock/HHH/Undertaker for the title at Vengeance. Why Smackdown is getting back to back pay per view title shots isn’t immediately clear. Let’s get to it.

Vince is in the ring and brings out Kurt Angle before leaving. Thanks for showing up boss. At least it was short though. Angle says he might as well be the poster boy for ruthless aggression and goes into his big victory speech for making Hogan tap. The wig is finally removed for good and Angle issues an open challenge to anyone he’s never faced before.

And now, wrestling history. Cole: “Tazz I know this kid. That’s John Cena.” Angle asks why Cena thinks he can come out here and face him like this. Cena says ruthless aggression and slaps the taste out of Angle’s match to start things off in a hurry. You can feel the intensity in him though of course no one knew how big he was based off those ten seconds.

Kurt Angle vs. John Cena

Cena takes him outside and keeps hammering away before a running splash gets two. Kurt picks the ankle and snaps off the first German suplex to put both guys down. A rollup gets two for Cena but Angle blasts him down with a clothesline. They’re certainly going hard out there and it’s working so far.

Cena throws him off to break a front facelock and gets two off a good looking spinebuster. The Angle Slam is countered into a DDT for some near falls (Taz: “RUTHLESS AGGRESSION! THERE IT IS!” Is that what it is? Multiple pinfall attempts?) and a powerslam gets the same. Kurt finally has enough and grabs a double chickenwing rollup for the pin.

Rating: B. For a rookie making his debut against a top star, this was a heck of a match as, save for that front facelock, they were going at top speed for the entire match. You can see something in Cena but it takes more than a five minute match to make a career. The presence is there though and that’s something you either have or you don’t.

Cena offers a handshake but Angle walks away. Kurt teases coming back for more but decides it’s not worth it. One important point here: Angle gives a big sigh of relief when he knows Cena can’t see him anymore. Little things like that sell moments like this so much more.

Kidman, Faarooq and Rikishi are congratulating Cena when Undertaker comes up. The champ asks his name and extends his hand for a good job. I know I said they need to make new stars but Angle and Undertaker in less than half an hour? That’s a rub that you don’t see very often, if ever.

Tag Team Titles: Hardcore Holly/Big Valbowski vs. Billy and Chuck

Hard Val is challenging, apparently after wanting to team up for years. Why they didn’t do so isn’t explained, nor is the fact that they’re making their debut and are apparently the second best tag team on Smackdown on arrival. Chuck charges into a right hand to start but Val does the same, suggesting that he isn’t the best student in the world.

Holly gets beaten down in the corner as Cole praises Billy and Chuck for being surprisingly good. They’re two time Tag Team Champions at this point and you’re still surprised that they’re a good team? That’s slow even for Cole. A belly to back suplex is enough for the hot tag to Val but Rico offers a distraction, setting up the Fameasser to retain.

Rating: C-. Here’s the thing: Venis and Holly are fine for a veteran team and could be perfectly fine as eventual challengers if you give them some promos and a few wins over jobbers. However, since there’s no tag division to speak of, they’re thrown out there against the champs and already lose. Where are they supposed to go from here? Take the time and build a division as you have a bunch of people sitting around (Kidman, Faarooq and Rikishi come to mind) doing nothing. Make something up and give them a reason to team. The rest can take care of itself.

Here’s Torrie Wilson to preview the Divas Undressed special. She takes off her robe, walks around in lingerie and that’s it. No angle, no talking, nothing at all. At least it was short.

Tajiri likes looking at Nidia so Jamie Noble offers her to him if they win their tag match later.

HHH has been fighting through an elbow injury and is all tough but had to have it fixed in the operating room. After this deadly operation he’ll be out……FOR TWO TO THREE WEEKS!!! Taz teases he’ll be back next week actually. This got way too much time for something like that, especially when you could just say he was banged up after the pay per view or something.

Mark Henry vs. Lance Storm

Storm is here to prove how unfair American referees really are. We’re not ready yet though as we need to look at Mark Henry lifting some 100+ year old 172lb dumbbell. Henry throws him around to start but a rake of the eyes breaks up a press slam. Storm gets tossed outside and then thrown back in because Henry is really strong. Another eye rake gets Storm out of a bearhug and Henry misses a Vader Bomb, setting up the superkick to give Lance the pin. Again: Henry is STRONG. We get it already.

Here’s Undertaker for a chat. He recaps the pay per view main event and takes credit for HHH undergoing elbow surgery. Cole: “HHH is actually OUT of the hospital now!” Undertaker wants to know where Rock thinks he fits into that match and here’s a clip of Sunday’s fighting. Rock will be back here on July 11 (the FULL TIME Rock of course because he doesn’t do this part time nonsense) and Undertaker will make him pay for King of the Ring.

This brings out Kurt Angle of all people, who wants a title shot next week, assuming Undertaker gets by Jeff Hardy on Raw. Undertaker eventually agrees, even though Angle had trouble getting by a rookie tonight. That’s cool with Kurt, but he asks to touch the title. The champ actually lets him do it (moron) and is in the ankle lock almost immediately. You don’t see Undertaker acting that stupid very often and, along with that handshake earlier, suggests a face/tweener turn.

Torrie models more lingerie. Yeah she looks amazing but this is the kind of thing that makes people criticize wrestling.

Test vs. Rikishi

They take turns beating on each other in the corner but the referee won’t let Test throw a punch. Rikishi hits a superkick but gets slowed down by a low blow. The Test Drive is broken up and the ref is bumped, earning Test a DQ loss even though Rikishi shoved him into the ref. I don’t know why wrestling can never learn that no one cares about referee stories.

Test gets a Stinkface before Christian and Storm can come out for the late save.

Vince calls Hogan into his office and the boss is really, really happy about Hogan tapping out on Sunday. Hogan implies that they’ll fight one day and Vince is aghast.

Test rants about how much America sucks.

Billy Kidman/Hurricane vs. Tajiri/Jamie Noble

The bad guys take over to start and Noble has to bail from the threat of a chokeslam. That’s fine with Hurricane as he tries a double chokeslam, only to shove them both down instead. Kidman hiptosses his partner onto Noble but walks into the Tajiri elbow. The Tarantula makes things even worse but a tornado DDT is countered into a sitout powerbomb. Now the chokeslam works for Hurricane and the shooting star puts Tajiri away.

Rating: C+. They’re getting close to having something with this division as it’s slowly building after being nothing interesting for weeks on end. Add a few more names to the thing, perhaps one being the King of Mystery, and they really could have something special. Imagine that: a division works when you have distinct characters instead of people who look, act and work the same.

Torrie and Stacy Keibler are catty to each other because that’s what women in wrestling do. While wearing lingerie of course.

Torrie, now billed as appetizing, wears a third outfit. Stacy comes out in a schoolgirl outfit and gets a far bigger pop. We’re not done yet as Dawn Marie comes out as well and the blondes get in a catfight. This is so beyond a waste of time.

Chris Jericho isn’t sure what he’ll use to beat Hogan tonight but he’d love to make him tap.

Rey Mysterio is coming.

Reverend D-Von/Deacon Batista vs. Faarooq/Randy Orton

This is Batista’s in ring debut and the first time he’s been seen without a shirt. Orton does his rookie offense on D-Von to start until a dropkick of all things puts Randy down. A superplex is broken up and Orton scores with a middle rope bulldog. Faarooq comes in to clean house but the Dominator is countered with a DDT. It’s already back to Orton for a high crossbody, only to have Batista come in off the blind tag. That wicked clothesline blasts Orton and a spinebuster (with multiple camera cuts, suggesting a botch or an edit) finishes Randy in a hurry.

Rating: C-. They were smart to have Batista only come in at the end for the big power display, making this an effective debut. The thing is you have two teams right here plus the champs and Venis/Holly. These are three teams thrown together in the span of a few weeks and you’re getting close to a division. Simple ideas (gimmick/enforcer, two veterans, veteran/rookie) are fine and can grow into something else until the next big team can be put together. Why is that so complicated?

Here’s how to get a free catalog!

Hulk Hogan vs. Chris Jericho

The fans are WAY into Hogan here (hardly shocking in a town like Chicago) as Jericho is backdropped to start. It’s too early for the big elbow though (always seems weird to be anything but a big leg or boot) and Jericho gets in a low blow to take over. The fans are all over Jericho so he does the hand to the ear before going way old school with the abdominal stretch.

Just in case the words ABDOMINAL STRETCH aren’t clear enough, Cole points out that it hurts your gut. Hogan’s comeback is countered as Jericho slides under the big boot (that’s what happens when you stop fighting giants) and hits the bulldog into the Lionsault for two. Jericho has had enough of the Hulking Up and hits Hogan with a chair for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Not the worst match in the world here with Jericho doing the work and letting Hogan do all of his spots. This isn’t a case of Hogan showing anyone up and the match was actually fine, all things considered. There’s value in Hogan giving people rubs like this, but he can only do it for so long before it stops mattering.

Jericho loads up a Conchairto the arm but his own countdown comes up. Cue the returning Edge (who Cole can’t recognize from behind despite him having a pretty easy shape to recognize) for the save and beatdown. Posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: B-. The wrestling was up and down here but this was ALL about the new talent. That might not always mean new people but it did a lot of good for setting things up for the future. There are skeletons of tag and cruiserweight divisions though that’s not what matters the most.

Tonight we saw a focus on John Cena, Batista and Randy Orton with Rey Mysterio debuting soon. While none of them are stars yet, those four are fresh ideas who could mean something to the company, which isn’t what you get around here. They’re actually setting something up and that’s what matters more than anything else. I liked the show a lot and there’s stuff I want to see instead of all the nonsense that keeps going on around here for so long. Good show here (with the least Vince in a LONG time) and a lot of hope for the future.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Smackdown
Date: June 20, 2002
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the final show before King of the Ring 2002 and we’re officially in the Kurt Angle is Bald era. As big of a change as it was, that would wind up being his signature look for years to come and still is to this day. Tonight we wrap up the first round of the tournament to get us down to the final four so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Rock’s speech from Monday. You know, the one where he talks about people needing to stick around as he comes back from another movie hiatus.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Kurt Angle with the wig to get things going. He knows people have been laughing at him but this is serious. The reality is…..he’s bald and he’s been wearing a wig. He’s tried everything from Rogaine to hair tonic to fertilizer but nothing has worked. We look back at the wig being ripped off last week and Angle is distraught. Hogan is the real joke around here because he looks like he’s 100 years old and wears red and yellow boas. Angle is very confused by the hand to the ear thing and promises to make Hogan tap on Sunday.

Cue Hogan to say he’ll beat Angle up and threatens the wig. The fight is on with Hogan getting the better of it until Angle bails. I really don’t get the point of keeping the wig on when we’ve already seen the bald head and Angle acknowledges that he’s bald. Just go Olympic on Hogan and put us out of our misery.

Stacy Keibler is checking out her gear for Divas Undressed when Dawn Marie comes up for the usual “Vince wants to sleep with ME” argument. Torrie Wilson comes up and shows off her underwear to annoy them even more. You know what? I kind of prefer them doing it this way instead of pretending it’s anything else. It’s an excuse to have the women in their underwear so just say that’s what they’re going for.

Rikishi vs. Christian

Christian charges into a backdrop to start but gets the big man in trouble with some right hands to the head. So much for racial stereotypes in wrestling. The Unprettier doesn’t work and a pop up cutter (looked more like a flapjack because Rikishi can never get that right) puts Christian away.

Christian’s foot was on the rope during the pin so Lance Storm comes out to complain. The complaining continues post break with Storm saying it’s because Christian is Canadian. As is so often the case, this goes on too long with Storm ranting about how all Americans are prejudiced and all other countries hate America because they’re so smug.

HHH says he’s getting the title back in three days. Gay jokes are made at Billy Gunn’s expense in preparation for their match later tonight. If there’s a reason to care about HHH as a face, it’s going WAY over my head.

Nidia and Jamie Noble are all fired up for Jamie to become Crusierweight Champion on Sunday. Hurricane’s mask is between Nidia’s legs because that’s amusing or something.

Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman

Winner gets the title shot on Sunday. I’ll give them a point for having Jamie need a win to become #1 contender instead of just having a newcomer the title shot. A hiptoss sends Kidman outside and Jamie starts in on his arm. Kidman gets in a loud enziguri for a breather but Nidia crotches him on top, setting up an elevated DDT to send Jamie to King of the Ring. I’m already thinking I was wrong on Jamie having to win a match. Was this really necessary if they can’t even have three minutes?

Post match Jamie puts on the mask and cape, drawing out Hurricane for a chokeslam. Hurricane gets the mask back a week after losing it, which is already better than TJ Perkins being asked to lay down so Brian Kendrick can win the title.

Billy vs. HHH

HHH does his full posing so Billy tries a cheap shot. That’s enough selling though so HHH clotheslines him outside and whips Billy into the steps. Back in and a powerslam gives Billy two but instructions to SUCK IT are just too far for HHH, who grabs a neckbreaker. Chuck offers a distraction and Rico gets in a spinning kick to the face….which is followed by a Pedigree to end Billy without much effort.

Rating: D. Just in case the Rikishi/Rico title reign wasn’t enough to crush the titles all over again, this was another great example of how bad the Tag Team Titles are doing at the moment. HHH might as well have been fighting any given jobber here as he shrugged off a triple team attack and won in less than five minutes. What a great use of champions, especially when the titles on Raw are already so worthless.

Kurt comes in and is quickly dispatched, followed by Undertaker coming in to get HHH in trouble. Angle hits Undertaker with a chair by mistake though, which is finally enough to end this segment.

Vince and Stacy talk about the pay per view when Undertaker storms in and demands a match with Angle tonight.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Chris Jericho vs. Big Valbowski

Venis gets jumped to start but comes back with some jobber offense. That just earns him a sleeper drop for two but Jericho’s dropkick is countered into a catapult into the corner. A spinebuster gets a cold two and the referee gets bumped because Val Venis vs. Chris Jericho needs a ref bump. Venis’ fisherman’s suplex gets no count but the Blue Thunder Bomb gets a close two. The Walls send Jericho on to King of the Ring a few seconds later.

Rating: D+. The wrestling was better but the same problem that held back the previous match back was present here: there was almost no doubt as to who was winning. Was anyone going to buy Venis as a real threat to take out Jericho? At least they had a few more minutes to work with here and the match was able to go somewhere as a result.

Here’s Rock whole speech from Monday.

Test and Hardcore Holly trash talk.

Vince and Stacy talk Angle into fight Undertaker by having him pretend Undertaker is Hogan.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Test vs. Hardcore Holly

And they wonder why the crowd isn’t interested. A powerslam gives Holly an early near fall but he gets whipped hard into the corner. The full nelson slam is countered into a sloppy rollup for two on Test but a pumphandle slam gets the same on Holly. Back up and the big boot gives Test a shot at Lesnar on Sunday.

Rating: D. This is a good example of why this era is pretty forgotten. Was Test vs. Holly the best they could come up with? If you have to push Test through to the next round (fine enough as another Lesnar victim), wasn’t there ANYONE other that Holly to put him over? The problem: I’m really not sure there is someone else at the moment, which is why they really need to build the roster up in a hurry.

Test says he’ll win because the next big thing is getting the next big boot.

Here are the final four:

Rob Van Dam

Chris Jericho

Test

Brock Lesnar

Vince has Fit Finlay and Johnny Ace get Undertaker and Angle to try to calm things down. Stacy is sent to the hotel, but not before Vince kisses her awkwardly.

Jericho is ready for Rob Van Dam.

We run down Sunday’s card and my goodness this looks horrible.

Vince tells Undertaker and Angle to have a good, clean competition. He demands a handshake but Undertaker doesn’t want to shake the hand of someone who threatened to break his ankle. That’s a fair point actually. A brawl breaks out and Vince gets crushed, putting him on Undertaker’s side.

Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle

Non-title and Angle grabs a chair before Undertaker comes to the ring. The chair goes nowhere so an early ankle lock sends Undertaker crawling to the ropes. Angle unhooks a turnbuckle pad but of course it’s not that simple. The straps are already down because they don’t have time to do the full formula. A clothesline breaks up the Angle Slam and Kurt is sent back first into the exposed buckle.

Kurt goes face first into the post but the chokeslam is countered into the ankle lock. The hold stays on for over a full minute until Undertaker FINALLY rolls forward for the break. The ankle is fine enough for a chokeslam but here’s HHH for a distraction so Angle can grab a rollup for the pin. Here’s the bigger problem than the minute long ankle lock: the pop that Test got for pinning Holly was far bigger than the one Angle just got for pinning the World Champion.

Rating: D. I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen two of the best of all time have such a worthless match. That ankle lock was horrible and the ending made things even worse. How does this make me want to see either of the two big matches at the pay per view? Undertaker gets pinned and Angle’s finisher can’t beat anyone despite staying on for over a minute. That’s their marketing plan? Really?

Post match HHH beats up Undertaker but here’s Hogan to put Angle in an ankle lock. I’ve never seen him work a decent armbar but he’s making Angle tap to an ankle lock. Undertaker gives Hogan a chokeslam, only to walk into a Pedigree to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. This show is in need of a BIG refresh because it’s getting worse and worse. There’s almost no good wrestling as they have to fly through everything, though I can’t figure out what they spent the extra time on. Maybe all the Undertaker and Angle backstage segments or the vignettes hyping up a lingerie show? Either way, this show is downright horrible lately and King of the Ring is looking like a potential disaster.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQKDV5O

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: June 13, 2002
Location: Bi-Lo Center, Greenville, South Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re ten days away from King of the Ring and it’s really not looking like the most interesting thing in the world. Granted you could say that about almost any show around this point but this one is looking even worse. Smackdown no longer has its own owner so things are changing all over again. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of the big angle from Monday.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Vince to get things going, flanked by a bunch of security guards and with a table and chairs set up in the ring. Vince stands on top of the table and goes on a rant about how he put everything on the line and how powerful people only get more powerful. That’s why we’re going to entertain you tonight, starting with a CONTRACT SIGNING!

The boss brings out Undertaker and HHH for the very slow paced staredown. Undertaker signs, HHH throws out a chair and then signs, Vince talks and it’s a ratings bonanza! Security grabs HHH and the beatdown is on until HHH pulls out a well placed sledgehammer. HHH says he isn’t leaving until he gets his hands on Undertaker. A security guard gets beaten down and it’s time for a break. Back with HHH still in the ring as Billy, Chuck and Rico are standing on the ramp with the champs holding chairs. Threats of sucking on a sledgehammer ensue and Billy gets laid out.

With that not getting HHH anywhere, HHH he on the announcers’ table until the hammer actually breaks. Naturally there’s another hammer waiting but that can’t break the table either so HHH just kicks the thing over. Now it’s a monitor being destroyed, followed by a camera. Vince FINALLY comes out and makes HHH/Hogan vs. Undertaker/Angle for later. We’re over a fourth of the way through this show and they’ve only set up the main event. Oh and HHH beat up a Tag Team Champion. The camera gets destroyed too.

Back from a break with….replays!

Earlier today, Nidia made fun of Hurricane so he suggested she use her oral skills to tell Jamie Noble to come find him. A challenge is issued so Nidia licks his face. She’s no Catrina.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Test vs. Hurricane

Non-title of course. Test no sells some right hands to start and we can see the announcers’ table still on its side. Is HHH going to come back out here and hit them with his hammer if someone tips it back over? Hurricane avoids a charge in the corner but his crossbody is pulled out of the air. The chokeslam is broken up but a quick Eye of the Hurricane gets two on Test. And never mind as the Test Drive gets rid of Hurricane clean in less than two minutes. That would be two champions taken out in less than forty minutes.

Nidia and Noble come out and take off Hurricane’s mask.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Tajiri vs. Hardcore Holly

The table has been turned back over. You can stop panicking. Tazz picks Holly to win the whole tournament while Cole, who isn’t quite as stupid, picks Chris Jericho. Tajiri starts fast with the kicks, including the big spinning version for two. A powerslam gives Holly the same To change things up a bit, Tajiri kicks him in the head again for two more, followed by an Alabama Slam to give Holly the pin.

Rating: D. To be fair this was just to get to the final eight so Holly advancing isn’t the worst thing in the world. They kept it short but this was about three and a half minutes of them trading moves until one of them got pinned. Maybe they don’t quite have enough room on the roster for sixteen people but then we couldn’t have qualifying matches and those are interesting. Not as interesting as a thirty minute contract signing segment but you have to take what you can get.

Val Venis and Jericho trash talk each other.

GET THE F OUT! BARBERSHOP VERSION!

Chris Jericho/Lance Storm vs. Val Venis/Billy Kidman

Val runs Jericho over with a shoulder to start and a neckbreaker gets two. Kidman comes in with a bad looking high crossbody, though it could be due to Kidman’s trunks being about three sizes too small. The former Sudden Impact starts taking over on Kidman with Storm hitting a dropkick before Jericho misses a charge in the corner.

That’s enough for the tag off to Val as everything breaks down. The good guys mess up a spot with Kidman being launched into a dropkick (or maybe a hurricanrana), leaving him a little short and only kicking Storm in the chest with one foot. Val and Jericho go outside so Kidman can hit the shooting star. Jericho pulls the referee though and drops Kidman, only to have Billy roll Storm up for the surprise pin.

Rating: C+. I can always go for moving a cruiserweight up the ladder a little bit and Kidman is more than good enough to make that jump. Now I have no faith in WWE to not screw this up all over again as that’s certainly their custom, but at least he got a win here and it’s a win he could build on rather than one over Jericho where he would get beaten in their singles rematch.

Replays show Storm’s shoulder was up. So much for Kidman looking good.

Hogan doesn’t think much about Angle for attacking him last week after the big match with HHH (that one that didn’t even last seven minutes). See, Hogan and Angle are a lot alike. They’re both American icons, they both love the red, white and blue, they’re both former champions and they’re both bald. The only difference is Hogan lost his hair battle to mother nature. Hogan wants a fight with Angle at some point in the future and can’t wait to face him in the main event tonight.

Storm yells at Brian Hebner for screwing up and thinks it’s typical American behavior, especially from this family. To be fair, they haven’t done anything with Montreal in what, ten minutes at this point?

We look at Jackie Gayda costing Linda Miles her debut match on Velocity.

Linda has found a partner to help her fight Jackie and Ivory: Trish.

Vince is on the phone and says the camera cost $50,000. Angle comes in and accepts Hogan’s challenge for King of the Ring but can’t stand the idea that Hogan thinks he’s bald. Undertaker comes in but Vince tells him tonight is a calculated risk.

D-Von comes out, calls…..shall we say self pleasuring a sin and says he doesn’t do that anymore. Faarooq comes out and says he still does.

Faarooq vs. Reverend D-Von

Spinebuster ends D-Von in seven seconds.

Batista hits D-Von in the head with the collection box by mistake. This whole thing took about three minutes, which is likely due to the opening segment taking up a fourth of the show. That might not be the worst thing in the world.

Trish Stratus/Linda vs. Ivory/Jackie Gayda

Thankfully the veterans start things off with Ivory taking over, allowing Jackie to hit Trish in the face with a knee brace. It’s off to Linda for a slam and dropkick with Ivory making the save. A double flapjack plants Linda again but the Stratusphere sets up Stratusfaction for the pin on Ivory. It’s good that they kept this short for obvious reasons. I’d be rather annoyed if I paid for this show and had to sit through a pair of rookies having a horrible match because of some reality show.

Stacy, looking GREAT tonight, hits on Vince for becoming boss again. Vince kisses her and Stacy looks disgusted. Dawn Marie knocking at the door was ignored.

For the first time we see the brackets for the King of the Ring.

X-Pac

Rob Van Dam

Val Venis

Chris Jericho

Test

Hardcore Holly

Booker T.

Brock Lesnar

Angle and Undertaker attack Hogan.

Hulk Hogan/HHH vs. Undertaker/Kurt Angle

HHH runs out and blasts Angle during the entrances so it’s the HHH vs. Undertaker slugout to start. Angle gets back in and the double teaming has HHH in trouble as we get down to the regular tag structure. The champ is happy with letting Angle do most of the work and get in a cheap shot here and there. A right hand puts Taker down but that’s enough of a distraction to start the rolling German suplexes.

Cole thinks HHH might be thrown off by fighting two men at the same time. This would be your “Gee willikers Cole, you think so?” moment of the night. Undertaker comes in for some slow right hands before it’s back to Angle for a sleeper. A double clothesline drops Taker and HHH, followed by Angle going shoulder first into the post. HHH is able to send Kurt into the steps but grabs the sledgehammer to draw the DQ.

Rating: D. It’s hard to imagine that this took place for any reason other than “Hogan can’t be trusted for more than one match every few weeks”. The wrestling here was way too slow paced to work and I was very bored for the most part. HHH vs. Undertaker is looking horrible for a main event and Angle is going to need a miracle to make Hogan look passable.

The beatdown continues post match with HHH being left laying, only to have Hogan run out and attack Angle. HHH gets back up and the wig is ripped off. A lot of posing ensues to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. I know Raw gets all the criticism but this show was a trainwreck. It was half an hour of waiting around until we get to the end of the first segment (with the Tag Team Champions being treated as cannon fodder) and then a bunch of short matches, including a seven second “match” which didn’t seem to serve much of a purpose. Things can get better but the main event is just killing this promotion right now.

Oh and as a bonus, here are the final four segments from a house show the Sunday before this show:

Billy and Chuck vs. Rikishi/Tazz

Chris Jericho vs. Val Venis

Swimsuit contestant

Hardcore Holly vs. Kurt Angle (Holly won)

Venis is probably a substitute for Edge but I have no idea where HHH was, as he and Angle main evented a house show the next night.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: May 30, 2002
Location: Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re still in Canada and maybe we can find the next challenger to Undertaker for the WWE World Title. As much fun as it was to see him make Tommy Dreamer drink tobacco juice and then beat him up, I could go for an actual match with a challenger instead of just random attacks. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of Hulk Hogan’s retirement from last week to set up what is likely our show long story. Vince McMahon isn’t going to let Hogan retire as punishment for Hogan leaving him ten years ago. An explanation for what he means by that might be nice for the casual fans.

Tag Team Titles: Rikishi/Rico vs. Billy and Chuck

Rikishi and Rico are defending and Rico comes out to the challengers’ music. Chuck gets sent into the corner for an early Stinkface attempt but Rikishi has to deal with Rico. A double flapjack plants the big man but he comes right back with a double clothesline. Rico tags himself in as Rikishi sits on Chuck’s chest, leaving the Samoan to superkick his partner right into the cover to retain the titles. If this is the best they can do with the Tag Team Titles, drop them already because this is an embarrassment.

Hogan arrives.

Torrie Wilson kisses Maven and sexual escapades are implied. Tajiri watches from behind a door. So in other words, Torrie and Maven are Booker and the NWO while Tajiri is Goldust, even down to sneaking around behind them to eavesdrop.

Christian vs. Maven

Maven knocks him outside to start and scores with a dive as the announcers plug Tough Enough 2. Back in and Maven’s middle rope bulldog gets two but here’s Tajiri to kick Maven in the head, setting up the Unprettier for the fast pin.

Vince is on the phone for some exposition about how Benoit is allowed to go to either show because he’s injured. Since when was that written into the Draft charter? Dawn Marie Rinaldi (the last name was later dropped), a paralegal, comes in to give Vince something to sign. Chris Jericho interrupts them to complain about his match with Faarooq tonight. Vince doesn’t think much about that as HHH has to face Test tonight as well. This is your “Still To Come” segment. The Canadian leaves and Vince gets comfortable with Dawn. I guess Stacy is off this week.

GET THE F OUT!

Chris Jericho vs. Faarooq

We start with the power game, including a clothesline to put Jericho on the floor. A hot shot onto the barricade has Jericho in even more trouble and Faarooq drops a knee for two. Jericho realizes he’s only fighting Faarooq and gets in a middle rope dropkick to take over. With the wrestling not working, Jericho pulls off a turnbuckle pad followed by the bulldog. The Lionsault misses though and Faarooq hits that always good looking spinebuster. Not that it matters as Jericho sends him into the exposed buckle for the pin.

Rating: D-. Less than two weeks ago, Chris Jericho was inside the Cell in a major match with HHH. In the last two weeks, he’s had a match against Mark Henry and had to cheat against Faarooq. HHH fought Lance Storm and gets Test tonight, which isn’t much better but they’re almost guaranteed to be stronger matches. How does this stuff benefit anyone?

Lance Storm asks D-Von to take his confession…..in the men’s room. Storm’s sin: being from western Canada. D-Von forgives him but isn’t pleased with Storm’s small donation to the building fund.

Hogan is in the back for an interview but first let’s stop to soak in some cheers. Hulk was all ready to retire last week but Vince wants to treat him like an indentured servant. Vince can stick that contract in a rather uncomfortable place and Hogan will follow it with his size fifteen. After winning the title, Hogan only has one thing left to do: fight Vince McMahon, one on one. Vince comes in for a staredown but Angle jumps Hogan from behind with a steel exercise bar. There’s a big match at King of the Ring.

WWE Undisputed Title: Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

Here’s a major feud three years from now. Before the match, Undertaker actually sucks up to the Calgary fans for reasons unclear. Orton accepts a handshake to start and is actually granted a clean break in the corner. Undertaker walks into an armdrag and backdrop before a clothesline puts him on the floor. A big dive follows and I’m stunned at Undertaker actually selling here.

The Oklahoma roll gets two on the champ and a surprised Undertaker clotheslines him down. We get the second exposed buckle of the night but Orton gets caught with some dropkicks. That earns him a running DDT though and it’s time for Undertaker to get serious. Unfortunately serious means being sent into the exposed buckle, allowing Orton to hit the Overdrive (or whatever it’s called this week) for two.

I’m not sure why but there’s a major edit there as Orton grabs the near leg for the cover but a camera cut shows the far leg being held on the kickout. On top of that, Undertaker loses his bandana in between camera cuts. No idea what that’s about. That’s enough for Undertaker though as it’s Snake Eyes and a big boot for two, followed by Orton grabbing a rollup for his own near fall. A chokeslam retains the title.

Rating: C-. Not terrible here actually as Orton actually got in a lot instead of just getting squashed. I’m not sure what was up with Undertaker being nice at the beginning (just pure cockiness maybe) or the weird camera cut in the middle. At least Orton got a rub here because that’s what they need more than anything else: young guys getting to look good. Also, it makes sense to see Orton’s offense still being very basic. His big move is that Overdrive and the rest is all basic stuff. He’s adding more stuff though and that’s how he should be going.

Post match the rookie gets beaten up some more until HHH comes out to clean house. A challenge is issued but Undertaker is sent off by the Game’s music. I can’t imagine it was intentional, but you could look back at that as a sign that HHH thought something of Orton. Randy joined up with HHH in January so it’s not like there’s an unthinkable gap of time in there.

Hurricane/Kidman vs. Chavo Guerrero/Tajiri

Hurricane takes Tajiri to the floor to start and does the rocking horse move to send Tajiri’s head into the bottom buckle over and over. Tazz: “Just like Maven and Torrie!” A superkick gets two on Tajiri and it’s off to Kidman (who looks really weird in regular trunks) for the Sky High on Chavo.

Tajiri goes with the standard cheating by kicking Kidman from the apron and grabbing a Tarantula to take it a step further. That just makes him cocky though and it’s time for Kidman to counter a powerbomb with the X Factor. Hurricane comes back in to clean house with the Overcast getting two.

A flip dive takes Tajiri out again, followed by Kidman busting out a shooting star from the top to the floor onto both villains. Back in and Hurricane’s music hits as a message pops up on screen, saying the reveal is next week. As a bonus we see a woman’s hands on Hurricane’s chest, meaning this is likely going to be ANOTHER love triangle story. Tajiri kicks the distracted Hurricane for the pin.

Rating: B. This is what I’m looking for with the cruiserweights, minus the angle that is. These guys know how to fly around the ring and make the division look like a lot of fun. That shooting star from Kidman looked awesome and is the kind of thing I want out of this division. There’s no need for anything beyond basic characters because the action should be the driving force around here.

HHH vs. Test

Fallout from Test attacking HHH last week and I’m having flashbacks to 1999 when this meant something. Triple H knocks him into the corner and out to the floor for a good posting. Cue Lance Storm for a distraction so Test can get in a quick legdrop as HHH gets back inside. A good looking side slam gets two and Storm gets in a better looking superkick on the floor. Back in and HHH gets the spinebuster so Storm jumps on the apron like a good evil Canadian. Storm is finally thrown at Test and eats a big boot from his buddy. Cue the Undertaker for a distraction though and Test kicks HHH in the face for the pin.

Rating: D. Here’s the thing: this really doesn’t do anything for Test because it was all about HHH being dragged down by the overwhelming odds. Test really could have been anyone here and that’s not doing anyone any good. Orton got in offense on Undertaker on his own and looked like he had potential. HHH beat the heck out of Test anytime it was one on one. That doesn’t help Test, which makes this little more than time filler until Undertaker got there.

The beatdown is on post match, including a chokeslam and a bunch of chair shots. Referees and suits finally break it up.

The cage is lowered.

Val Venis tells Edge to rip off Angle’s wig. So Venis has gone from an adult star to a censorship advocate to Edge’s buddy. That’s quite the character evolution.

Angle swears his hair is natural and threatens pain for anyone who tries to show footage of his haircut. Violence against Edge is promised.

The Hart Family, including Stu, is in the crowd.

Kurt Angle vs. Edge

They have a lot of time for this one and it’s inside a cage with pins/submissions or escape as winning options. For some reason Edge tries to take it to the mat early on before opting to send Angle flying into the cage. A spear attempt hits cage though and we hit a front facelock. The rolling German suplexes get two on Edge and he gets thrown into the cage a few times to draw some Canadian blood.

Edge’s half nelson faceplant has Angle staggered but it’s time for a ref bump. You can tell this is going to get stupid now. A belly to back superplex cuts off Angle’s escape attempt and Tazz is amazed that Kurt’s hair is still on. Edge goes up and gets low blowed back down, setting up one heck of a super Angle Slam. It’s always cool looking when someone goes flying through the air into a big crash.

Angle goes over the top and escapes but here’s Hogan for revenge from earlier. Back from a break with another Angle Slam getting two. Edge hits his own Slam but gets caught in the ankle lock. Angle is sent into the cage so Edge puts on his own ankle lock (Angle LOVED that stealing finishers spot).

That’s reversed as well and Angle goes over the top, only to have Edge kick the door open to crotch Angle back down. Back inside and Kurt tries to run the corner for a superplex but a top rope spear (more like a shoulder but the timing was hard to pull off) gives Edge the pin. So does that make it one fall apiece?

Rating: B+. Hogan really brings this one down as he feels so out of place. You have a match with Angle and Edge beating the heck out of each other but then you do a false finish (with Angle winning completely legally) for the sake of advancing Angle vs. Hogan. I don’t see a reason why you couldn’t wait until after the cage match and then start the new feud as it’s not like losing to Edge is going to take away all of Angle’s heat. Hogan didn’t help Edge get the win at the end but he was way too big of a factor in the match, which was excellent without him but just very, very good with him.

Post match Hogan goes after Angle but can’t get the wig off. Hogan’s music plays to end the show because that’s how things work around here.

Overall Rating: C+. The first hour or so was dreadful but once you get to the meat of the show, this turned around in a hurry with some hard work and good wrestling. The holes are still there with stuff like HHH vs. Undertaker for the title (though there isn’t another main eventer ready for the shot at the moment) and the mess that is the Tag Team Titles. The main event more than bails the show out though and is worth checking out if you have the time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: May 16, 2002
Location: Bell Centre, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Judgment Day and luckily hopefully we should get something competent this week. Smackdown may not be great but they’re put together far better than Raw. At least this show has more than one top level good guy, which the red show certainly can’t say at the moment. Let’s get to it.

The opening video recaps Chris Jericho/Vince McMahon vs. HHH from last week, including the announcement of Sunday’s Cell match.

Opening sequence.

Here’s HHH for a chat because we haven’t had that in a long time. See, Vince McMahon just doesn’t get it. He thinks you can just send people out here and have Jericho hit him in the head and cut off everything that HHH has done. HHH is going to keep going no matter what because he’s never going to stop. As for tonight though, how about Jericho comes out here right now for a preview of Sunday?

Instead HHH gets Edge, who was hit by HHH’s sledgehammer last week. Edge says they’re both good guys but he’s got an itch to play the game. The fight is actually on but here are Jericho and Kurt Angle to beat down the self-described good guys. Angle cuts some of Edge’s hair off but HHH makes the save….of someone who punched him in the face a few minutes ago. Well they’re both good guys so it’s a rule.

Stacy Keibler is about to give Vince a preview of her swimsuit for tonight’s contest but Angle and Jericho run in to celebrate cutting Edge’s hair. Tag match, main event, you know the drill.

Hardcore Holly/Lance Storm vs. Big Valbowski/Randy Orton

Orton charges in and gets chopped in the corner for his efforts. The dropkick puts Holly down and it’s off to Val to clean house. Orton’s high crossbody gets two on Storm with the Overdrive (that weird spinning Fameasser neckbreaker) getting the same. Storm gets in a superkick for two but gives a lazy cover, allowing Orton to roll him up for the fast pin.

Recap of Undertaker and Hulk Hogan’s motorcycle hijinks.

Hogan is here.

Maven awkwardly hits on Torrie Wilson and actually gets a date out of it. Torrie leaves but D-Von and Batista come in to yell at him for thinking lustful thoughts. Well yeah. Al Snow comes in because Maven still needs protection.

Ace reporter Gregory Helms comes in to see Funaki and accuses him of being evil. Funaki asks what’s wrong with him but has a note on his back. The note says Hurricane will be in for some pain if he wins the Cruiserweight Title tonight. This was amusing for pure goofiness.

Jericho promises to pull off his mask and show how evil he can be.

Reverend D-Von vs. Maven

D-Von beats on Maven like the rookie he is to start but misses the middle rope headbutt. Some rollups get two each for Maven but Batista gets on the apron, allowing D-Von to kick Maven low. Cole: “A shot to the kidneys!” No Cole, not exactly. The reverse inverted DDT (Saving Grace) puts Maven away.

Batista beats up Al Snow post match.

Stacy is on her way to the ring but stops to look in a mirror. A short person pops out from a cupboard and shills a new camera. Stacy is as confused as you would think.

It’s time for the swimsuit contest with Tazz emceeing. Stacy and Torrie come out but Tajiri comes out to cover Torrie up, despite us seeing most of what’s under her robe. Stacy doesn’t want to disrobe but here’s Trish Stratus (who can be on both shows since she won the Women’s Title) in a robe of her own. What luck that she was here and brought a robe with her own logo on the back. Trish doesn’t have a swimsuit but does have some red lingerie. Stacy swings a shoe but gets kicked to the floor, leaving Trish as the default winner.

Post break Stacy comes in to rant to Vince, who gives her a Women’s Title shot on Sunday. D-Von and Batista are in Vince’s office so Vince asks D-Von to provide protection. D-Von: “You want a reverend to buy CONDOMS?” Actually Vince means taking care of Bubba Ray Dudley, who will certainly be in Trish’s corner. I’m certain that’s not going to happen just because Vince suggests it either.

Rico vs. Rikishi

Rico jumps him from behind and gets launched into the air for a one man 3D (probably supposed to be a Samoan drop, as is Rikishi’s custom). Billy and Chuck interfere to give Rico an opening but Billy dropkicks Chuck by mistake. The distraction allows Rico to get in a spinning kick to the face but Rikishi sits on his chest for the pin.

Rikishi dances post match. Maybe he and Bubba Ray Dudley have a secret alliance?

Billy and Chuck and Rico interrupt Vince and Stacy (dude get a hotel already) to complain about losing to Rikishi. Vince says they’ll be defending the titles on Sunday against Rikishi and a partner of Vince’s choosing. It’s going to be Rico.

HHH promises to destroy Jericho’s career just like he did to Mick Foley. Edge comes in and says he’d love to continue their fight from earlier. HHH isn’t interested until Edge wins a few more World Titles. Maybe Edge can use HHH’s methods and marry the boss’ daughter and sleep his way to the top (which Edge would eventually do with Vickie Guerrero). That was a better burn when it hadn’t turned into a running joke.

Cruiserweight Title: Hurricane vs. Billy Kidman vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is defending and jumps Kidman during the entrance. Hurricane runs out and the champ gets double teamed until Kidman is smart enough to knock Hurricane outside. Kidman dropkicks Hurricane off the top and hits the shooting star for two on the champ with Hurricane making a last second save. A chokeslam gives Hurricane the title in less than three minutes. It’s not like the title means anything anyway so put it on the entertaining Hurricane. It isn’t likely to make a difference either way.

We run down Sunday’s card.

Here’s a limping Hogan, who actually has the nerve to sell that stupid motorcycle schtick from Monday. After a full three minute long ovation, Hogan praises the fans for having his back so many times. We pause for more cheering before Hogan talks about being in his own fantasy world every time he comes out here. Cue Vince to say he hates Hulkamania and enjoyed Monday night. See, Hulkamania has a terminal illness called cancer.

This Sunday, Undertaker is going to stuff Hulkamania in a cardboard box and bury it once and for all. The fans start singing the Goodbye Song, which I guess is aimed at Vince, even though it doesn’t make a ton of sense. Then again neither does cheering for Hogan. Vince says the red is for the blood Undertaker will spill on Sunday and the yellow is the streak up Hogan’s back. The boss slaps him in the face so Hogan punches him a few times. The big legs wraps up this very unnecessarily long segment.

Chris Jericho/Kurt Angle vs. Edge/HHH

Edge is stupid enough to charge in before HHH gets out to the ring and earns the double teaming from Angle and Jericho. A flapjack puts Jericho down and the good guys (their official name remember) take over. Jericho offers a distraction though and Angle belly to belly superplexes Edge off the top. A regular belly to belly sets up a missed Lionsault but Edge is too slow to make the tag. Instead Jericho comes in with Three Amigos so Edge gets in a middle rope dropkick for a breather.

The hot (work with me here) tag to HHH allows house to be cleaned. The double teaming doesn’t last long and it’s back to Edge for a double clothesline. Edge spears a chair out of Jericho’s hands, leaving HHH to Pedigree Angle for two with Chris making the save. HHH and Jericho fight into the crowd, leaving Angle to chair Edge in the head so the Angle Slam can give him the pin.

Rating: C-. I was bored with most of this as they were just going through the motions to set up both big matches at once. Edge vs. Angle is going to be fine and Jericho vs. HHH will be long yet watchable. The match was fine but there’s only so much you can do when you’re trying to fulfill a pretty simple goal.

Overall Rating: D. This show needed a lot more wrestling and a lot less Vince. Most of the show was built around Vince doing whatever he needed to advance stories or try to sleep with Stacy this week. The problem here though is only the main event was long enough to rate. I really need more than a bunch of two and a half minute matches and then a dull main event. Sunday’s show isn’t interesting for the most part and this show didn’t help anything.

Smackdown
Date: May 2, 2002
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’ve got a big match scheduled for tonight as WWF World Champion Hulk Hogan is defending against Chris Jericho. I’m sure we’ll get an explanation for why Smackdown can have a #1 contender when it’s been established that the shows trade possession of that status. Maybe Jericho can carry Hogan to passable tonight too but I wouldn’t bet on either. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Undertaker costing HHH the title shot last week and busting Hogan open on Raw the next week.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Rikishi/Hurricane vs. Billy and Chuck

Rikishi and Hurricane, who have no previous association, are challenging. Billy slugs away at Rikishi’s head to start. You would think a veteran would know better than that but Billy has never been the brightest guy. Hurricane sunset flips Chuck for two as Tazz tries to figure out a connection between the challengers. Well at least he’s trying to do something. The champs take over on Hurricane until a DDT gets him out of trouble. Rikishi comes in to clean house but Rico comes in to kick Hurricane down and give Chuck the retaining pin.

Rating: D. The only good thing here was starting the show with a match. You would think they could come up with some better teams than “here are two guys with no connection at all” but that’s how the division is likely to work for a good while because they didn’t think this Brand Split all the way through.

Hurricane chokeslams Rico to blow off some steam and Rikishi adds a Stinkface.

Lance Storm and Val Venis are in the back when Kurt Angle comes in. Kurt says neither of them have done anything on Smackdown so he offers them the chance to model his real shirt. Venis says no but Storm seems interested. He does however point out that there might be some risks involved. Angle isn’t worried about fans chanting YOU SUCK. I mean, this is Angle’s town. They would never chant YOU SUCK at him. Angle makes fun of Mario Lemieux and that’s about it.

Here are Angle and Storm for the shirt reveal, mere minutes after he showed it to the camera. Angle defends Storm despite his bad case of being Canadian and reads off all the accomplishments on the back of the shirt. See, it’s only available in XXL or larger because he’s done so many things. That explains why the thing is so baggy on Storm.

Here’s Edge to interrupt of course, complete with Venis in the YOU SUCK shirt. You know, shouldn’t that say I SUCK? It doesn’t fit for the chants but it makes sense on the shirt. Angle another match with Edge at Judgment Day but Storm whispers a suggestion to Angle, who thinks we should make it a hair vs. hair match. Edge agrees as the stipulations are getting fast tracked around here. Angle isn’t sure about putting his own hair up but Val suggest giving him a YOU SUCK if you want to see the match. That’s enough for Kurt to agree and Edge promises to make him red, white and bald.

Earlier today, Randy Orton was working out when Stacy Keibler came up to hit on him some more. This seems to annoy him, which should probably make him a heel.

Hardcore Holly vs. Randy Orton

Rematch from last week. Orton’s headlock doesn’t get him anywhere so Holly goes with the hard chops that he uses on rookies. The Oklahoma roll only gets two on Holly this week and it’s time for more chops. Orton gets in a high crossbody for two and that’s enough to make Holly hit him low for the DQ.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here and I’m sure we’ll get to see more nothing in a week or so when Orton can get another clean win because the first one didn’t matter. There’s some value in having Orton get a first win here but having the two of them feud for a few weeks isn’t going to go anywhere as it’s still Hardcore Holly.

Holly gives him an Alabama Slam on the stage to keep this going.

Faarooq tries to give Mark Henry some of the money he’s won betting on Mark’s strength in the last few weeks. D-Von comes in to say that money can go in his donation box. Henry says no so D-Von threatens violence.

Vince talks about wanting to kiss Stacy’s belly button (seriously) when Chris Jericho interrupts. After Vince freaks out over the interruption (fair), Jericho talks his way into making tonight a No DQ match and getting everyone barred from ringside. Jericho has a seat but Vince throws him out so Stacy can get some more attention. Vince to Stacy: “What do you say we get busy?” This is another one of those segments designed to do nothing more than set up stuff for later.

Tributes to Wahoo McDaniel and Lou Thesz. That makes me feel better after they didn’t even mention Thesz’s passing on Monday.

Lance Storm/Kurt Angle vs. Edge/Big Valbowski

Angle slugs Edge into the corner to start so it’s off to Val for an elbow to Kurt’s jaw. Amazingly enough, Val can’t keep up with Angle and gets beaten down in the bad corner. Storm comes in and gets slammed down, setting up something like an Octopus Hold on the mat. The fast tagging continues and it’s right back to Angle suplexing Edge to take over.

Storm rips at Edge’s hair, which isn’t often a body part that’s worked over. Edge powerslams Storm out of the air and it’s Val getting the hot tag to clean house. Everything breaks down and Angle starts throwing suplexes until Edge spears him down. Val’s Money Shot is broken up as Angle runs the corner for the superplex and Storm superkicks Val into a rollup for the pin.

Rating: B. Now THIS is how you keep a feud going while also giving someone else some ring time. Bringing in two talented guys with nothing else to do is a great way to keep Edge and Angle’s story going without having them burn through matches. The match was really good too, which helps set Smackdown apart from Raw. There’s your tagline: The wrestling doesn’t suck!

Here’s Jericho for a talk to hype up the main event. Jericho proclaims himself the king of the world because he beat HHH last week and is about to beat Hollywood Has-Been to become champion a-gain. Tonight Jericho is going to drive a stake through the heart of Hulkamania, as so many others have tried over the years.

This brings out HHH, who is out here AGAINST VINCE’S ORDERS. If HHH touches Jericho, his career is over. Well you know what that means. Jericho goes into a rant about how HHH can’t do anything to him and gets right in HHH’s face to talk about it. This is the cool HHH though so he just smiles. HHH knows something Jericho doesn’t: he won’t win the title tonight. That’s quite the bombshell Trips.

Mark Henry/Faarooq vs. Christian/Test

Henry clotheslines the Canadians down to start and gorilla presses Christian onto Faarooq’s knee. The bad guys start beating on Faarooq as D-Von comes through the crowd for a collection. Henry gets annoyed and throws the money into the crowd. That leads to a chase and Christian hits the reverse DDT for the pin on Faarooq. Too much time was spent on D-Von to rate it but this was the match you would expect here.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Billy Kidman

Kidman is challenging in the same match we’ve been watching for over a month now. Tajiri starts in on the leg and Kidman is in very early trouble. An enziguri gives Kidman a breather and we actually get a Kidman chant. The Tajiri handspring is broken up by a dropkick to the back because it takes so long to set up. Kidman stays on him by breaking up the Tarantula but Tajiri shoves Torrie into the path of a charging Kidman, setting up the Buzzsaw Kick to retain the title.

Rating: C. If there’s a point to this feud, I’ve yet to see it. These two are just going back and forth with nothing really changing and a match not even lasting four minutes isn’t going to make it any better. This isn’t a division and the matches aren’t exciting enough to make me want to see them again. In other words, it’s the same problems we’re seeing today.

Vince and Stacy are putting their clothes back on (her makeup is still perfect of course) when Vince tells her to send HHH in. That’s quite the followup. After a break, Vince tells HHH that he has to stay out of the main event. That’s the third time we’ve established that tonight but at least we got to see Vince after fun time with Stacy.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is challenging and gets shoved down to set up some posing to start. They’re going to be much better off if Hogan stands in the middle of the ring and does as little as possible here. Jericho gets in a shoulder and steals the bandana because there’s no shame in Canada.

Hogan pops up and fires down right hands in the corner until Jericho gets in a low blow. The fans get behind Hogan (though not enough to actually watch the shows) and he sends Jericho outside for a breather. Jericho gets in a few shots and comes off the top with an ax handle as an “I’m With Meltzer” sign can be seen.

Back in and Hogan scores with right hands but misses the big……elbow? The announcers are as confused as I am and there’s the Lionsault but HHH comes out for a distraction. HHH sits in on commentary because Jericho doesn’t think to cover Hogan in the minute and a half he’s watched HHH slowly walk around. As soon as you see HHH on the ramp, why not cover Hogan because HHH can’t run down there in time?

Hogan Hulks Up but the legdrop is countered into the Walls. Amazingly enough, a Boston crab isn’t enough to make Hogan give up. Jericho pops Hogan in the back with a chair as HHH suggests that Undertaker is here. On cue, Undertaker’s music kicks on but no one comes out. It serves its purpose though as the distraction lets Hogan grab a rollup to retain.

Rating: D. They can’t get the title off of Hogan fast enough at this point. The problem with nostalgia acts is simple: people like them in small doses and Hogan’s was over a long time ago. It’s one thing to have him do his old schtick at Wrestlemania in front of 65,000 people but there’s nothing special about something like this. If he could still have perfectly watchable matches like Flair at this point it would be one thing, but Hogan is standing there while everyone else does the work because he’s too old and broken down.

Overall Rating: D+. The main difference between Raw and Smackdown is this show has something to look forward to. At least on here they’re setting up some fresh stuff (Edge getting a big push with the Angle feud, Orton looking to have potential) and you get at least one good match with some time every week. Over on Raw you get good talking from Flair and Austin but at some point that has to lead to a good match. I’ll take the good matches leading to something unknown over the good talking leading to a bad match any day and that’s what you get with Smackdown over Raw at the moment.

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Smackdown
Date: July 5, 2001
Location: Tacoma Dome, Tacoma, Washington
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross

This is another old request as I try to knock some of my way too long list down. We’re very early into the Invasion and Steve Austin is currently out due to an injury and is sitting in Vince McMahon’s office singing campfire songs with Kurt Angle, who has basically decided he’s Austin’s best friend. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap looks at Torrie Wilson trying to seduce Vince to get a contract, only to have Linda catch them in a scene that wasn’t very funny. This is in no way a reason for Vince to get physical with Torrie Wilson in a swimsuit top.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Chris Jericho/Spike Dudley vs. Dudley Boyz

Bubba and D-Von are defending as Spike tries to find someone to help fight off his brothers, who don’t like him dating Molly Holly. This is another sign of the times as you would just have random title matches on TV instead of spending weeks setting up a title match on pay per view. D-Von and Jericho start things off with Jericho scoring off some chops. A springboard dropkick sends D-Von outside and Spike dives on both Dudleys. Well the other Dudleys that is. I can assure you he didn’t dive on himself.

Back in and Spike plays D-Von in What’s Up to D-Von but the Dudley Dawg is easily broken up. It’s time for Spike to get beaten down, including an awesome double flapjack to send him crashing to the mat in a great looking landing. D-Von misses a middle rope legdrop and the hot tag brings in Jericho to clean house. Jericho can’t keep the Walls on though as D-Von makes a quick save, leaving Spike to come in instead. A quick 3D ends Spike to retain the titles.

Rating: C-. That flapjack alone makes this match go up in value. I mean Spike just slammed into that mat and landed on his face. How can you not love that? Jericho vs. the Dudley Boyz wasn’t the most interesting feud and it didn’t do much other than fill in a little time before he moved on to the big time with the invasion.

Jericho clears the ring post match.

Austin and Debra come in to see Vince, who rants against Torrie for what happened on Monday. Debra blames Vince but Austin has a present to make things better. Vince opens the big red box and it’s……a cowboy hat. Austin has one of his own but Angle comes in and feels left out. There’s one more box though and it’s a smaller hat, just for Kurt, who has never been happier. Austin looks like he wants to kill him. Then why did Austin buy the hat? This was an awkward phase of comedy but they’re nailing the timing and it’s actually really funny stuff.

Earlier today the WWF and WCW referees got in a fight, which actually set up a pay per view match for reasons I don’t want to comprehend.

Crash Holly vs. Jacqueline

Crash knocks her around to start but they head outside with Jacqueline sending him shoulder first into the post. Back in and we hit the armbar for a bit before Crash gets two off a northern lights suplex. Crash gets crotched on the top and a super hurricanrana gives Jacqueline the pin.

Rating: D-. This was a stretch when Jacqueline was wrestling various men despite there being no real reason to see her do so. Basically it was a way to show off how awesome she was (quite the stretch) and, again, no one was really all that interested. This would happen from time to time and the fact that it never lead anywhere didn’t seem to change much.

Trish (looking GREAT here) comes in to thank Jeff Hardy for saving her from Big Show. Lita and Matt come in to make her leave. Jeff thinks there’s nothing wrong with this, which might have something to do with Trish kissing Matt last week.

We look back at Austin, Angle and WCW wrestler Buff Bagwell beating down WCW World Champion Booker T. Austin and Angle beat Bagwell down and threw him outside.

Various wrestlers, many of them who used to work in WCW, laugh at Booker for taking such a beating. Booker says he’s ready to defend his title tonight.

Vince gets a summons about a settlement with Linda. Austin blames Angle and wants his hat back but Angle calls him an Indian giver.

WCW Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Gregory Helms

This is a WCW match complete with graphics and Scott Hudson and Arn Anderson on commentary. Helms used to be Gregory but we can’t have two Shanes on the roster. The announcers talk about Booker defending the WCW World Title tonight and ignore the match to really make this feel like something out of WCW. Helms is sent to the floor and taken down with a dive.

Back in and Kidman is hiptossed out for a big crash. Anderson rips on the cowboy hot segment as Kidman gets beaten down even more. A BK Bomb (Sky High) gets two but the shooting star misses. The Nightmare on Helm Street gets two and a modified Kid Crusher (basically the Killswitch) gives us a new champion.

Rating: C+. The match was what you would expect from these two but the crowd just did not care and I can’t really blame them. These fans have no reason to care about WCW or its titles because that’s not what they came here to see. Kidman and Helms are very talented but there’s no connection to them for the WWF fans. Build these guys up under the WWF banner and then do the big war.

Vince blames women for his problems and Debra is incensed. His plan is to explain to the people and everything will be ok. Angle thinks telling the truth is the answer, just like he learned in the Boy Scouts.

Christian has Edge’s King of the Ring trophy ready for Edge’s Intercontinental Title shot tonight. Apparently Edge would rather Christian stay in the back though and Christian looks disappointed. You can see the split coming and it’s really well done so far.

Here’s Vince to talk about what’s been happening to him recently. See, when you die you leave a good or a bad reputation behind. Linda would like you to believe that he has a bad reputation because he’s a womanizer and a skirt chaser. Just for the record he wasn’t going to go that far with Torrie because he was just testing her loyalty. Yeah that’s it. On July 23 he has to appear before a judge about division of assets with Linda and right now he’d like to say he’s sorry. Vince drops to a knee and apologizes to everyone and IS THERE A POINT TO THIS COMING ANYTIME SOON???

William Regal and Tajiri come out and beg Vince to get up because it’s not his fault. Vince hugs Regal and we cut to Austin and Angle looking stunned. It’s not Vince’s fault that women are so attracted to him or that he’s a self made billionaire. He’s Vince McMahon and he’s proud of it. Again, if anyone can explain the point of this to me, I’d love to hear it and tell you that it’s nothing more than an excuse for Vince to take up more TV time.

Hardy Boyz vs. Big Show/Billy Gunn

Apparently Billy and Big Show think everyone is against them. Right. Billy charges into an armdrag and Matt grabs an armbar. It’s off to Jeff (wearing a hat) for two off Poetry in Motion. Big Show and his one piece women’s swimsuit come in for the Alley Oop (lifts Jeff for a powerbomb but falls backwards to send Jeff face first into the mat). Show takes a ridiculous amount of time going to the middle rope, allowing Jeff to avoid an elbow drop.

The hot tag brings in Matt (European Champion, which isn’t important enough to mention until nearly the end of the match) who is quickly launched out to the floor. Lita uses the distraction to hit the hurricanrana on Billy, allowing Jeff to hit a missile dropkick on Big Show. The Twist of Fate/Swanton/legdrop crush Show but Billy comes back in with his cobra clutch slam to give Show the pin on Matt.

Rating: D. For the life of me I do not get the obsession with pushing Billy Gunn outside of his most popular character. He’s just a guy who has a look and almost nothing more. If Big Show and Billy Gunn are the best they can do for a tag team at this point, they might as well just have the Hardys feud with Edge and Christian and the Dudleys forever because there’s nothing worth seeing here. Well other than Lita of course.

Vince tells Angle/Austin/Tajiri/Regal that he’s taking the night off and going to a bar. Actually, Tajiri can come with him. I’m assuming Tajiri will put a shirt on at some point. The two of them leave so Austin and Angle can yell at Regal for hugging Vince without their permission. Austin and Angle get in an argument over who makes the other sicker.

Intercontinental Title: Albert vs. Edge

Believe it or not (and I’m not sure why you wouldn’t), Albert is defending. You can tell how much this match matters as the video during the entrances is about Undertaker (who challenges for the title on Monday) vs. Diamond Dallas Page. Before the match, Edge rips on Albert’s X Factor theme (I always liked it) to tick the monster off. Edge has to fight out of the Baldo Bomb (chokebomb) but eats a bicycle kick square to the hands.

We hit a backbreaker, which Tazz informs us works on the back. A torture rack neckbreaker gets two for the champ and it’s off to a bearhug (which also works on the back). Albert misses a splash and Edge grabs the Edge-O-Matic for no cover. Instead he goes up and scores with the missile dropkick but Albert hits him low and grabs the Baldo Bomb to retain.

Rating: C. I have no idea why but I remember thinking Albert was a cool choice for the Intercontinental Title. It wasn’t going to last much longer as it would be sacrificed on the altar of the invasion but at least they gave the belt to someone fresh. You can only have Jericho, Angle, Edge and Benoit hold the thing for so long before it’s time for some new blood.

The locker room apologizes to Test for beating him up (as they thought he was a WCW mole) when Austin comes in to tell them to get together and fight the bacteria that is WCW. They can start tonight by beating up Booker T. Angle praises Austin and says Steve could beat up Booker T. and everyone else in this room, thereby screwing up the plan. Austin stares at him and throws his hat down.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Dean Malenko

Scotty is recently back from an injury. Malenko has Perry Saturn and Terri with him. Things start fast with Scotty armdragging Dean a few times but missing a dropkick. Malenko starts in on the leg but the Cloverleaf goes on too close to the ropes. Scotty’s rollup gets two but he gets knocked to the floor with a clothesline but Dean is down as well. Cue Saturn with Scotty’s hat to try the Worm on Dean (just go with it), only to have Scotty come back in and hit the real thing for the pin.

Rating: D+. Uh….yeah. Saturn being insane was funny and stayed entertaining enough for a long time though Malenko having character stuff like this wasn’t the best idea. I mean, it’s better than having him be a ladies man and all that (save for the Lita vignettes) but he really wasn’t cut out for the WWF in general.

A WCW referee wishes Page luck but Page talks about wanting to go after Undertaker and/or Kane.

We look back at last week’s Tough Enough. HHH will be on the show after Smackdown tonight and gave a speech that I believe talked a buddy of mine out of wanting to wrestle.

Austin yells at Angle and Debra about various things and is ready to beat up Booker T. Angle wants to bounce Booker around like a pogo stick so Steve sends him out to break Booker’s ankle. Angle: “Hold onto my hat.”

WCW World Title: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Booker T.

Page is challenging and it’s another full on WCW match. By that I mean WCW logos with graphics nowhere near as good as the company had and a commentary team that never did commentary for them. Page jumps the champ during his entrance but gets elbowed out to the floor in something that looked edited. Back in and the Diamond Cutter is broken up but Booker gets dropped face first onto the buckle.

They head outside again with Page being thrown over the announcers’ table and then into the crowd despite a lack of any real personal issue between them to warrant this kind of violence. Page takes over and stomps on Booker’s hand back inside. A good looking Batista Bomb gets two on Booker and sets off his comeback, including the ax kick. Page bails to the floor and sends Booker into the steps before grabbing a chair. The referee is shoved down (DQ? Anyone?) and a DDT onto the chair gives Page two. Cue the Undertaker for a distraction and Booker rolls Page up to retain.

Rating: B-. Good match and all but again there’s almost no reason for the fans to care. As far as WWF fans are concerned, these are brand new wrestlers who just happen to be fighting over a title. I’m sure a lot of them know who these two are but that doesn’t mean they want to see a title match here. If they did, they probably would have watched Nitro more often.

Undertaker chases Page off and here’s Angle to go after Booker. An ax kick puts Angle down and there’s a belt shot to the face.

We go to the parking lot where the WCW guys jump Undertaker but can’t even knock him off his feet. Eight guys pounding on him and barely having any effect should tell you all you need to know about this story. They FINALLY get him down but WCW owner Shane McMahon comes in for the save, only to have Page beat him up too. Booker calls them off and gets beaten down as well to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The show wasn’t bad and the Austin/Angle comedy stuff is oddly hilarious but this WCW story is clearly dead in the water. You can blame it on probably a dozen factors but a lot of it comes down to people not wanting to see WCW wrestlers on the WWF show. If I didn’t want to watch WCW with all of its star power, why would I care about Booker T., Diamond Dallas Page as a character so different from what made him famous and then everyone else that just happens to be there? Things are only going to get worse from here but they’re really not off to a good start.

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Smackdown
Date: January 29, 2004
Location: MCI Center, Washington D.C.
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This is another request that I got so long ago that I can’t remember why someone wanted to see it. I’d assume it’s due to the big battle royal for the #1 contendership to the Smackdown World Title with the winner getting to face Brock Lesnar at No Way Out 2004. This was a fun time for Smackdown so let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Smackdown GM Paul Heyman is in the ring to start but he’s quickly interrupted by Vince. The big boss wants to know why the Royal Rumble winner (Chris Benoit) isn’t on Smackdown anymore after jumping to Raw. Vince blames Heyman for getting rid of Benoit so Heyman goes on a rant about how the old Vince would just march on past it like he did when Hall, Nash, Hogan or even BRET HART left the company.

That’s why Heyman has an idea: tonight we’ll have another Royal Rumble RIGHT HERE TONIGHT. We’ll have a fifteen man version with the injured Matt Morgan being replaced by Hardcore Holly and Chris Benoit’s spot being taken by Eddie Guerrero. The winner gets the shot at Lesnar at No Way Out….because they can’t just have the shot at Wrestlemania for some reason. Vince says it’s on.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Basham Brothers vs. Paul London/Billy Kidman

The Bashams (Doug and Danny, a pair of very similar looking brawlers) are defending and have the useless Shaniqua in their corner. Doug (I think, though it’s like trying to remember which Uso is which) starts with Kidman, who takes him down with a headscissors. Danny low bridges London to the floor though as Cole is already forgetting which Basham is which.

A spinning belly to back gets two for London and it’s time to work on the spine. We hit the double arm crank for a bit until London dropkicks his way to a hot tag. Kidman’s enziguri gets two on Doug with Kidman getting off the cover to dropkick Danny. Shaniqua offers a distraction and we get some twin magic, setting up a super DDT to retain the titles.

Rating: D. The Bashams were yet another lame team in a big list of them around this time. There was no reason to have two Tag Team Titles and I think everyone knew it but there was no way WWE would ever admit that. London and Kendrick would get the titles in July with three other title changes in between.

Kurt Angle is incensed that he has to pull his own number and jets off when he sees it.

Chavo Guerrero is all bruised but promises his dad that he’ll get revenge on Uncle Eddie.

Speaking of Eddie, he comes in to pick his number and seems very pleased. Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio comes in with his friend boxer Jorge Paez and nothing happens.

John Cena hits on Dawn Marie (attending the ball hopper) and draws his number. Rhyno comes in and suggests he’ll end Cena’s career by going after his bad knee.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Noble is challenging, gets no entrance and has his blind girlfriend Nidia in his corner. This is a rematch from the Rumble where Nidia accidentally tripped Noble and cost him the match. Jamie takes him down with a hammerlock but an ankle scissors gets him out of trouble. Something like a torture rack has Rey in trouble so he armdrags Noble down and into 619 position. It’s way too early for that of course but Nidia accidentally trips Jamie again to little disaster.

Noble stays on the back and puts on a seated abdominal stretch. Back up and Noble sends him into the corner and bends Rey’s back around the post. A superplex puts both guys down as Noble can’t follow up. My what convenient timing. Mysterio comes right back with a middle rope bulldog and the 619 but he tweaks his knee on the West Coast Pop. Jamie sends him outside right in front of Nidia, who gets in the way of Jamie’s attempted dive. For reasons that aren’t clear, Jamie throws her inside but apparently she can see just fine, allowing Rey to hit a springboard seated senton to retain.

Rating: B-. Really good TV match and an improvement over the pay per view match but there’s this misconception that people cared about Nidia enough to make this story interesting. Noble got what he had coming here and it’s a simple story but Nidia doing a face turn isn’t going to get anyone anywhere.

The new correspondent tells us that Playboy is looking for two women for the next spread. Ignore the fact that Torrie Wilson and Sable had already been announced for the issue. This sets up a quick history of the WWE/Playboy relationship, which has basically been buried in the archives ever since.

Dawn has to pick Big Show’s number and “chicks dig it big” jokes are made.

Brock Lesnar isn’t worried about Goldberg saying he’s next because Goldberg is clearly a Lesnar wannabe instead of the other way around. Tonight he’s issuing an open challenge to anyone on the Smackdown roster for a non-title match. This might be the longest I’ve ever heard Brock talk and I’ve certainly heard worse.

Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin are about to pick their numbers when someone comes in to tell Heyman that Eddie has been attacked. Everyone runs to Eddie while the Chavos deny having anything to do with this. Rey comes in and goes after Jr. but gets pulled back.

Eddie is put in an ambulance.

Brock Lesnar vs. Orlando Jordan

Oh yeah Jordan is a person that exists. I always forget. He’s still a rookie at this point so this shouldn’t take long. Brock actually gets knocked outside to start as the fans remind Lesnar that he tapped out recently. Jordan can’t even get one off a sunset flip so Brock easily drives him into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs. We hit a modified rear naked choke for a bit before Jordan comes back with a dropkick and jumping elbow. A clothesline cuts that off though and the Brock Lock ends Jordan with ease.

Rating: D-. I’m so glad they let Jordan get in some offense on the champ like this before he was destroyed. It really enhanced his career and made me care about him. Jordan continues to rank very high on the list of worthless wrestlers as he just stayed around for years despite showing absolutely no reason to keep a spot on the roster.

Some wrestlers went to Walter Reed Hospital to see some wounded soldiers.

We see clips of Kane being tormented by the spirit of the Undertaker.

Vince says forget about Undertaker because he’s buried. Uh, right. There is something to be said about Vince refusing to accept the idea that someone who comes back almost annually is coming back again.

Angle accuses Heyman of having Eddie injured. Apparently Eddie is already conscious again but Angle says that’s not enough. Heyman says if Eddie is here when his number is up, he can be in the Rumble.

Royal Rumble

There are fifteen entries and we have 90 second intervals. Kurt Angle, who has dedicated this to the US Armed Forces, is in at #1 and Rhyno is in at #2. They slug it out to start and Rhyno hits a quick Gore in the first minute. Angle gets in a quick Angle Slam though and Charlie Haas is in at #3. Charlie mocks Angle for reasons of general stupidity, allowing Rhyno to jump him from behind. For some reason Angle doesn’t help Rhyno get rid of Haas and goes after horned one.

Shelton Benjamin is in at #4 and the partners double team Rhyno but Angle makes another save with a German suplex. Nothing of note happens until it’s Bradshaw in at #5 and it’s time for the Clotheslines. We take a break and come back with Tajiri coming in at #7 but stopping to go after the Cat (who came in at #6 and was eliminated during the break) and his manager Lamont.

Billy Gunn is in at #8 and nothing happens so it’s Big Show in at #9 to start clearing out some room. Everyone gets ready for him but he shoves all seven of them off like they’re villagers. Tajiri is easily put out and Bradshaw follows him via a low bridge. John Cena is in at #10 despite sporting a bad knee. Cena puts Show on the apron and we come back from a break with A-Train and Nunzio having entered at #11/#12 but Nunzio is already out.

Eddie Guerrero is in at #13 and apparently Rhyno was eliminated during the break. Guerrero actually backdrops A-Train out and it’s Rikishi in at #14. Gunn is superkicked to the apron and Show gets the Stinkface. Shelton and Billy get the same thing and it’s Hardcore Holly in at #15 to complete the field with Angle, Haas, Benjamin, Gunn, Show, Cena, Eddie, Rikishi and Holly.

Show chokes Cena to the apron and then the floor for an elimination that would stop the match dead in its tracks today. A big group of people almost have Show out and Cena pulls him down to the floor as we’re down to seven. Since nothing else is going on, let’s look at every elimination in the match so far! You know, because this couldn’t be shown on a split screen for some reason.

Eddie gets rid of Haas and Shelton is sent out a few seconds later. A frog splash hits Rikishi before Angle gets rid of Holly (basically ending his “main event run” in the process). Eddie gets Gunn out and we’re down to Guerrero, Angle and Gunn. Rikishi starts cleaning house until he misses a Banzai Drop. That’s enough for Angle and Eddie to put him out and now we’re down to the real showdown where either story would be awesome. Angle easily takes him to the mat and starts with the rolling Germans. Eddie stays on the apron and grabs an ankle lock on Kurt, only to be reversed into one from Angle (because of course).

Another elimination attempt doesn’t work and it’s the Three Amigos to put Kurt in trouble. The frog splash is broken up with some crotching and both guys are down near the corner. Kurt grabs a sleeper/chinlock but Eddie sends him out to the apron for another slugout. They fight over a suplex with Eddie shaking his legs to save himself and suplexes Kurt to the floor for the title shot in a big surprise.

Rating: A-. This started slowly as battle royals tend to do but then it took off and turned into a great match when you knew it was going to be Angle vs. Guerrero at the end. This was the start of Eddie’s rocket push and you could tell the fans were on board with the idea as Guerrero had earned this after a lot of years trying to get off the ground. It also needs to be emphasized that making this a Royal Rumble instead of a battle royal made it work so much better.

Overall Rating: B. This was one heck of a show with a good Cruiserweight Title match and the last third of the show being dedicated to one of the better battle royals you’ll ever see. They’re still in the era of having having big time shows because the Brand Split was still working at this point, meaning you would get stuff like this instead of EVERYTHING being about the pay per view. I had a good time with this show and it flew by, mainly on the strength of good wrestling, though having Eddie’s injuries mean a bit more would have helped.

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Thunder
Date: January 31, 2001
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

I’m running out of things to say about these intros. We have less than two months to go in this company and it’s most likely a skippable B-show with a main event between two midcarders who don’t have an interesting feud. Or maybe a tag match with two members of a heel stable against a semi-regular tag team. I would offer a suggestion of a great cruiserweight match with two people being elevated to new heights but that’s not the WCW way. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Monday’s events, including a big focus on the return of the Rhodes Family.

Cat is willing to give Rick Steiner a US Title shot at SuperBrawl, provided Ric Flair doesn’t find out about it. Good thing he’s just the CEO and doesn’t watch the show or look at the pay per view card. It’s always cool to see wrestlers act like a fan.

Opening sequence.

Billy Kidman vs. Shane Helms

Helms goes straight at him to start until charging into a raised boot in the corner. Kidman tries a wheelbarrow suplex but gets flipped out to the floor, allowing Shane to hit a good looking dive off the top. They head into the crowd with Kidman hitting a quick dive off the barricade before taking Shane back inside. Helms grabs a fireman’s carry into a facebuster before a running neckbreaker drops Kidman again.

A middle rope fist drop ala Jerry Lawler gets two for Shane and for some reason Kidman reaches out under the bottom rope for a tag. Helms’ front facelock slows things down a bit and a chinlock makes it even worse. Back up and Kidman grabs a belly to back suplex into a side slam for two.

In a change of pace, Shane grabs a double underhook and pulls back on the arms for a submission attempt. The hold is broken with Kidman scoring off a dropkick and backdrop for two. Kidman’s superplex is broken up though and Shane gets two off a top rope sunset flip (that’s always cool looking). The Kid Crusher is countered into the Vertebreaker but Kidman flips out of that as well. He takes Shane into the corner where Shane flips out again, setting up the Vertebreaker for the big upset.

Rating: B. As usual the cruiserweights are just awesome around this time and it almost never gets boring watching them. I’ve been digging the heck out of Chavo lately but it’s really time for someone to take the title off of him and turn the belt into something more valuable. Helms is the best bet and I’m almost sure this is the launching pad for him to move up to the title scene.

Here are Scott Steiner and Midajah with the champ insulting everyone he can think of but focusing on Dustin Rhodes, who was stupid for not taking the sure thing on Monday. Steiner even rips up Dustin’s contract, which is at least better than eating it. Cue Kronik to ask about a fight but Totally Buff jump them from behind. Rick Steiner tries to make the save but gets guitared by Jeff Jarrett. Kronik takes the real beating and I’m sure this means Luger/Bagwell vs. Kronik for the third time this month on Thunder.

Post break, Flair makes Jarrett vs. Rick Steiner and Totally Buff vs. Kronik.

Ron Harris vs. Lash Leroux

Don has a doctor’s note but the referee has a solution to prevent more twin magic (which implies that someone actually watches these matches, which makes me skeptical): drawing an X on Ron’s hand with a marker…..which the Harrises take away before the bell rings. Ron pounds Lash with the intensity you’ve come to expect from a Harris Brother match.

Lash quickly dropkicks him to the floor and it’s already time for the switch as Don throws the marker back in with the referee thinking it fell out of his pocket. Well to be fair the referees are often rather stupid so play it up a bit. Don gives him the H Bomb for the pin. Now why do I have a feeling no one is going to watch this and say, suspend Don from ringside?

Some guy laughs at Kwee Wee and tells him to crawl back into the closet he crawled out of.

Chavo Guerrero says he needs a better challenger than Rey Mysterio. As he’s talking, Hugh Morrus sneaks in and jumps Wall.

Norman Smiley wants to make sure Glacier will have his back and is given an affirmative.

Chuck Palumbo and Sean O’Haire think Mark Jindrak and Shawn Stasiak are just jealous of the Tag Team Titles.

Ric Flair gives Mike Sanders a match with Konnan and tells him to come up with something dirty.

Norman Smiley vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

There’s no Glacier to start so Norman is even more freaked out than usual. Norman makes the mistake of trying to work on Bigelow’s arm but actually takes him down. Unfortunately there’s not much of a way around Bigelow’s power as he shoves Norman to the floor, allowing him to look around for Glacier. Back in and the beating continues as Glacier comes out, just in time to see Norman take Greetings From Asbury Park for the pin.

Post match and post Bigelow leaving, Glacier says he’ll always have Norman’s back.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Rick Steiner

Jeff wants the countout like he got over Page on Monday but Steiner is, you know, here. Steiner takes it to the floor to avoid having to wrestle, only to have Shane Douglas come out in a hurry. The chain shot hits Jeff by mistake and Steiner gets in a bad looking Death Valley Driver for the fast pin.

Kwee Wee vs. Scotty O

Scotty is a Power Plant guy who would wind up in OVW for a long time and the person who laughed at Kwee Wee earlier. Kwee Wee slaps him in the face and it’s Angry Alan time with something like Dalton Castle’s Bang-A-Rang planting Scotty. A jawbreaker doesn’t get Scotty out of trouble as Kwee Wee folds him in half with a belly to back. Some hard shots to the head and a face plant set up a German suplex as this is a total squash. A piledriver puts Scotty away.

Rating: D. Kwee Wee continues to be an interesting “what if” case as he certainly had some in ring abilities and good charisma but he’s stuck with one of the gimmicks that are just going to cripple your career. Even a regular haircut and dark tights would have done him a world of good but there was no way this was ever going to be taken seriously.

Sean O’Haire/Chuck Palumbo vs. Mamalukes

Non-title. Palumbo and Vito, in street clothes instead of his gear, get things going before Johnny comes in for a quick double team to take over. A double spinebuster plants Sean for two with Palumbo making the save. Vito grabs a swinging neckbreaker followed by a gorilla press from Johnny to send O’Haire flying but he hot shots the Bull to take over for the first time. It really is amazing what happens when you get rid of Jindrak and Stasiak and let the two more talented wrestlers represent the team.

O’Haire doesn’t quite jump all the way over Palumbo as he tries to land on Johnny’s back (more on Palumbo’s head) but it looked good in theory. Everything breaks down and it’s O’Haire elbowing Johnny in the face on the floor. The Jungle Kick to Vito sets up the Seanton Bomb for the pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here as the Mamalukes are really gelling as the jobbers to the stars tag team. There’s just enough there that you could buy them pulling off an upset and making this non-title made it even more possible. O’Haire and Palumbo need more seasoning as a team but you can see the chemistry there.

Post match Jindrak and Stasiak run in and want a title shot. The champs agree and get beaten down.

Scott Steiner, Jarrett and Flair are off to jail, presumably to annoy Page.

Sanders gives Reno his match against Konnan and tells him to tap out in a hurry. I think I feel a stupid plan coming on.

Totally Buff say they beat Goldberg and he beat Kronik so they can beat Kronik. You know who else beat Kronik? YOU TWO, YOU PISTACHIO HEADS!

Konnan vs. Reno

Konnan calls him Reno Riggins in a joke that probably goes over 99% of the fans’ heads. They trade arm holds to start but Konnan does a nice roll over into a quickly broken ankle lock. The rolling lariat drops Reno and something like Kofi Kingston’s SOS gets two. Konnan grabs the Tequila Sunrise and Reno taps before the hold is on.

Sanders comes out to say things aren’t always what they seem. Reno hits a quick Roll of the Dice. Wait so they just gave up a clean submission for the sake of hitting a move after the match? Indeed, that was a stupid plan.

Totally Buff vs. Kronik

For the third time this month. Bagwell takes the heel beating you would expect him to take to start off with Kronik hitting all of their standard power moves, including a big gorilla press from Adams. He always was good at that. Luger comes in for an elbow to Clark’s jaw but a tag back to Adams breaks everything down. Buff saves Lex from High Times, only to have Animal blast Clark with a chair so Adams can take the Blockbuster for the fast pin.

Rating: D. And you thought the Usos vs. the Club was overdone. This is another match that I never see again but in this case I never wanted to see it in the first place. Animal interfering wasn’t shocking and it keeps him from falling asleep in his soup for another week. Bad match of course, but I do like Adams’ press slams.

Flair and company arrive at the jail but Page made bail an hour ago. Ok pause for a second. WCW acknowledges that Nitro and Thunder are taped on the same nights. Now did Page get arrested on Monday and make bail Wednesday or did he get arrested and make bail less than three hours later? Anyway they go into Page’s cell for no apparent reason and find a letter he’s left them to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. There’s some good stuff here and the wrestling is enough to carry it over a lot of the really uninteresting storyline stuff but the show still doesn’t work that well. There’s only so much you can do when your main story is so all over the place and Page is leaving letters in prison while Nash is just not here. If they threw someone younger into the main event scene it might be ok but as it stands they’re destroying the other good stuff they having going on.

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