Impact Wrestling
Date: September 8, 2011
Location: Von Braun Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s week two in Alabama and it’s also the go home show for No Surrender. That being said, we only have most of the card so far and the world title match has only been announced on Facebook instead of, you know, on the TV show which the majority of the audience actually sees. The big thing tonight is the return of Jeff Hardy on the day that he was sentenced to ten days in jail on drug charges. The return speech could be very interesting. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about Jeff Hardy and the mess that was Victory Road. He’s back tonight you know.

We also get a clip of last week where Hogan beat Sting up with a chair and cost him the world title. Anderson gets his rematch tonight.

Here’s Anderson to open the show. He talks about how he hasn’t had much to say the last few weeks because he’s been a man of action recently. He signed a deal with the devil though, and that was his own fault. Anderson welcomes the boos for it. The wide shots are really good to see here as there are actual people there instead of it looking like they’re in a lunchbox.

He turns his attention to Bully Ray for keeping him on the outside looking in. Anderson promises to be more annoying than ever before and tonight it starts with him going after Angle. Anderson brings up the dreaded rematch clause and he’s cashing in tonight. He knows it won’t be one on one and he points to the ramp. Here’s Sting to be Anderson’s backup. Sting says he’s like a fungus that won’t go away. This week he’s got the power of the Network and he’ll be the enforcer in the main event.

D-Von/D’Angelo Dinero vs. British Invasion

Winners get Mexican America on Sunday. No intro for the Brits. Magnus vs. D-Von to start. Off to Pope quickly who hammers away with elbows to the head. Williams comes in and slows things down a bit as you would expect from him. A clothesline gets two for Magnus. Mexican America are on commentatry. A middle rope elbow by Magnus gets two for Williams.

Pope fires off a DDT to Magnus and both guys are down. There’s the hot tag to D-Von who cleans house with right hands and power moves. Powerslam gets two on Williams. A Cactus Clothesline by Pope puts Williams on the floor and a release spinebuster by D-Von ends Magnus at 3:56. They seem fine despite almost always having problems.

Rating: C-. Just a quick match here but it wasn’t that bad. Didn’t D-Von not particularly like Pope last week though? Also this is the best they can do for #1 contenders? They’ve won a total of one tag match (this one) and now they get a title shot. That’s wrestling for you I suppose.

An MMA fighter comes in to see Angle.

The Final Four in the BFG Series are Gunner, Roode, Storm and Ray. The matches Sunday are Roode vs. Gunner and Storm vs. Ray. The guy with the most points after those matches go to the PPV. It’s not a tournament, it’s really a points system to go to the biggest show of the year.

All four finalists are in the ring and Ray gets JB out of there. He respects Beer Money but neither of them is going to Bound For Glory. Ray talks about how tag teams want to become great individual wrestlers and every team has done it. Gunner is a guy that is willing to put his personal desires aside and will make sure Ray goes to BFG to win the title. Wrestlers are selfish so Beer Money won’t lay down for each other.

Roode says he doesn’t buy any of what Ray said but they have their eyes set on the world title. They want to be world champion and Sunday only one can walk out #1 contender. Roode asks Ray who is going to be the better man. It’s going to be Roode or Storm because it’s not going to be Gunner or Ray. Roode promises the Beer Money fans that no one will ever split them and no one will ever kill Beer Money. There’s a fatal fourway later on.

We get a recap of Eric’s Hollywood Adventures.

TV Title: Robbie E vs. Eric Young

That MMA guy is on commentary again. What he has to do with this is beyond me but who cares. Robbie keeps trying to put his feet on the ropes for covers and the referee stops counting. And there go Eric’s pants and he’s wearing Jersey Shore style trunks. He hits the top rope elbow for two. A piledriver ends this at 2:51. I’m fine with these antics if the title is defended.

Rob Terry beats up Young post match with a Last Ride.

RVD is looking for Jerry Lynn and hey there he is. Rob gets in his face and Jerry asks what about him. He complains about having to get a real job instead of getting contracts like Rob did. Eric and Hulk called him and asked him about showing up and he said he’s better than Rob. He admits to screwing him and Rob beats him down.

Velvet talks to Mickie who has a dog with her. She mentions wanting to be champion someday. Karen comes in and complains about life in general, saying get rid of the dog. Winter gets her rematch at No Surrender.

Jeff Hardy is here.

TNA World Title: Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle

Sting is guest enforcer. They exchange headlocks to start and it’s a tossup. Angle takes Anderson down with a clothesline and we hit the chinlock. They collide in the middle of the ring and both guys are down. They’re mirroring each other so far. Anderson tries to speed it up but gets caught in a belly to belly for two. Angle Slam is countered and Anderson hits the rolling fireman’s carry drop for two.

Kurt counters the Mic Check and hits the Rolling Germans for two. There go the straps and the ankle lock goes on. Anderson manages to roll through and get two before the Mic Check gets the same. The referee takes a thumb to the eye so Kurt kicks him low and hits the Slam but Sting pulls the referee out. Anderson hits another Mic Check but here’s Gunner for the DQ at 7:12.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t into this as it felt like they were just going through the motions to get to the DQ ending. I can’t stand matches like that because they’re boring and don’t show anything that these guys are capable of. Not a good match for the most part but when you handcuff them like this there’s only so much they can do.

Immortal beats down both guys post match. The fans chant for Hardy but that gets them nowhere.

Immortal is celebrating while Eric is on the phone and doesn’t look happy. He tells them to go outside and isn’t happy with what he hears. He’s almost freaking out about it, asking if it’s a prank call. No idea what it is.

Mickie James/Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love/Winter

Winter vs. Velvet to start but it’s off to Mickie vs. Angelina before there’s any contact at all. Mickie snaps off a rana out of the corner but a Winter distraction results in a kick to the ribs. Velvet gets a blind tag to come in and a low dropkick gets two. There’s a weak monkey flip and she takes both Winter and Angelina down with a headlock/headscissors combo. Love cheats again and Velvet gets beaten down for awhile. After a long beatdown she makes the hot tag to Mickie and we get the title match preview. With the big hulabaloo going on, Winter sprays blood into Mickie’s face at 5:10 for the pin.

Rating: D+. Love is so skinny it’s getting scary. Other than that, this was your typical Knockout tag: it’s not bad but it’s better than the Divas which is the entire point. I’m still not sure why they gave Mickie the title back already and I hope they don’t give it to Winter again on Sunday because it would be pretty stupid to have the change that fast. This wasn’t terrible though.

Here’s Austin Aries to say he’s going to win the title Sunday. He tells the fans to shut up a lot so clearly he’s not a nice person. Aries calls Kendrick a hypocrite and calls out Kendrick here and now. Here’s the champ in a suit with a briefacse. He talks about being tired of being a social outcast and wants to be a success, like Aries. “I’m even wearing shoes!” And yeah he hates them. He goes into a bit rant about how he needs to be free to reach his mother earth and quotes Buddha a bit. Kendrick calls the title materialistic and Aries insults him a lot. The brawl is on and Aries runs.

Hogan is freaking in a good way and Eric is still upset. He talks about going to the beach and Eric says we’re not done yet. The Network isn’t happy. Because of the beating that Hogan is so happy about there’s a three way for the title at No Surrender with Angle vs. Sting vs. Anderson.

James Storm vs. Robert Roode vs. Gunner vs. Bully Ray

One fall to a finish here. It’s tornado rules too. Here’s Joe almost immediately and here’s Morgan just as fast to stop him. Morgan vs. Joe on Sunday also. Ray and Storm stand tall for a bit until Ray runs Storm over. Beer Money cleans house and teases going at it until Ray breaks that up. Gunner goes for a cover and Ray isn’t happy with it. A big clothesline gets two on Roode.

Storm comes back in with a top rope cross body and beats up Gunner a bit. Roode hammers on Gunner and hits the spinebuster for two. Beer Money teases it again but instead they suplex Gunner and SHOUT THEIR NAMES. Ray runs them both over and takes them both out with power stuff. Gunner hits a running knee to Ray’s head for the pin at 5:00. That was nice as he was left in the background and then stole the pin.

Rating: C. This was ok but it was nothing great. I wish this had been the way the BFG Final went at the PPV because it would make more sense but I guess they need to flesh out the card more and have some overly complicated rules. Not bad here and Gunner winning was a nice surprise also. Nothing great but not bad.

Here’s Jeff with like two minutes left. He talks about how he was messed up last time and he’s sorry about it. He had a problem and hit rock bottom there. Everyone is mad at him and he can’t blame them. His eyes look decent at least. He wants one more shot. The fans chant one more shot. He says all he can do is ask and that’s it.

Overall Rating: B-. Pretty good show this week but you can see a lot of problems. For one thing we got three title matches added with three days left before the PPV, one of which is the main event. That’s a match that could draw in some people and they’re adding it in at the last minute. The Hardy thing is too early to tell but my initial instinct is not to trust him, which is partially the point and all of the problem. Good show this week but No Surrender feels thrown together and that’s not good.

Results

D-Von/D’Angelo Dinero b. British Invasion – Spinebuster to Williams

Eric Young b. Robbie E – Piledriver

Mr. Anderson b. Kurt Angle via DQ when Gunner interfered

Winter/Angelina Love b. Mickie James/Velvet Sky – Winter spit blood in James’ face

Gunner b. James Storm, Robert Roode and Bully Ray – Running knee to Ray

Impact Wrestling
Date: July 28, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re still heading towards Hardcore Justice and Angle is now thrown into the main event mix as well as the Immortal storyline. It should get rather interesting rather soon, at least in theory. I still have a feeling that Hogan is going to get into the ring again and given who he has to work with, I’m not sure that’s going to end well at all. Let’s get to it.

We open with Angle wanting Hogan to come out immediately and end this once and for all. Hogan comes out and Tenay isn’t sure what Angle is talking about. Angle says that he’ll win at Hardcore Justice and wants Immortal out of it. He looks at Immortal and sees two guys running it that. Angle asks if Hogan knows what it’s like to be the best. Hogan goes on a huge rant about how he made wrestling and carried a bunch of territories and all that jazz. Apparently Angle was offered a spot in Immortal and Hogan is mad about Kurt turning it down.

Kurt says he isn’t Mr. Anderson and can’t be bought. Angle says that yes, he used to buy tickets to see Hogan when he was a kid but now it’s different. Hogan can’t go anymore and Hogan cuts him off right there. Hulk says he’s never going to wrestle again due to his injuries. However, he’ll fight Kurt if that’s what it comes to. Angle says Hogan can still go, so why does he have to call Kurt to take out Sting? Do it yourself, and stop calling.

Eric gets something from the Network.

Bound For Glory Standings

Crimson 31

Gunner 28

Matt Morgan 24

Devon 21

Rob Van Dam 21

James Storm 21

Bully Ray 21

Bobby Roode 21

AJ Styles 14

Scott Steiner 14

D’Angelo Dinero 0

Samoa Joe 0

Bound For Glory Series: Gunner vs. Rob Van Dam

Gunner jumps him as he comes in but RVD rolls him up quickly. The fans are behind him of course but Gunner reverses a kick into a powerslam into the corner. We hear that there’s breaking news about Morgan, which I think is a legit injury to his shoulder. Clothesline gets two for Gunner but he walks into a kick in the corner. Top rope kick puts Gunner down but Rob misses a dive over the top.

Springboard kick sets up Rolling Thunder but Gunner rolls outside to avoid a cover. Gunner slams him out there and goes up top. That gets him nowhere so he settles for a slingshot suplex for two. Rob blocks what might have been a piledriver but gets powerbombed out of the corner for two. Rob gets a reversal into a spinwheel kick in the corner but Gunner no sells it and this a running knee. F5 is countered and Rob hits a spinning kick to set up the Five Star for the pin at 5:55.

Rating: C+. I kind of liked it. Rob is really awkward in the ring and his matches are almost always just a collection of spots anymore. Gunner is ok but he needs character and he needs it badly. We know he’s former soldier and he’s intense. That’s it. What else do we know about him? That’s the problem with so many characters today: they have no definition at all. The match was pretty decent and back and forth for a 6 minute TV match.

Sting is in a red suit in the back. That’s it. Nothing else is said here and he’s just shown for about two seconds.

Eric reads the letter from the Network that he got earlier. It says that due to Destination X being successful, the X Division needs to be built up. Eric starts to yell at Abyss when Hogan comes in. He says nothing matters tonight other than cutting Angle’s throat tonight. Ray volunteers Anderson to do it and Anderson eventually disagrees.

Eric has more of the letter to read but Sting pops up with a cage with something over it. Sting hugs Karen and critiques the decorating. Sting sits down with his feet on the table. Immortal can’t pummel him because the script doesn’t say so I guess. Sting is the new Network executive apparently. Tonight: Anderson vs. Angle in a cage. Fourtune will be around the ring.

Kendrick and Shelley are in the ring in street clothes. Kendrick does his philosophical jazz and wants Aries out here. He gives Shelley something which is apparently a translation. Hey I speak Kendrick! Shelley lists off some X guys and says that the division is all about hybrid wrestling. Either play by the rules, or don’t play at all.

Aries says he’s played by the X-Division rules time after time and now it’s about his rules. He has a backlog of five star matches but he wants a five star bank account. He’s here to win matches and titles while making money. Kendrick says he’s champion and it’s about the title, not Aries. Shelley says that the Network wants to push the division to the moon. At Hardcore Justice it’s a three way match for the title.

Before they leave, here’s Abyss. He says Kendrick has forgotten about him because Kendrick is losing tonight. Tonight he’ll kill the X-Division. Sting pops up to say he’s got more stroke than Hogan and Bischoff combined. Therefore, tonight it’s the rematch but it’s Ultimate X.

Matt Morgan has a torn pectoral muscle and is out of the BFG Series. This is filmed earlier in the day because I guess we don’t have time to let this be live?

We recap Angle beating Jarrett to get the title shot at the PPV.

We get some BFG Series clips from this weekend which is Joe getting destroyed.

Ray says he’s not worried about Crimson tonight. He’s playing Angry Birds because he’s so unworried. He also calls out AJ for their match in Houston this weekend. Ray says okey dokey “because he can.” Uh…..ok?

Bound For Glory Series: Bully Ray vs. Crimson

Ray jumps him to start and chokes him out with his own shirt. He works on the knee which is braced up. The brace comes off and Ray pounds away on them. All Bully so far. Bubba Bomb is countered and the Red Sky ends this at 3:22. Crimson hit the elbow to reverse the Bubba Bomb and the powerbomb and that’s literally it.

Rating: D. This was kind of uh….there I guess. Crimson literally hitting one move on offense to win a match isn’t doing him any favors, but it keeps his streak alive and he moves on to probably at least make the No Surrender match. Nothing of note here and I have nothing to say about it for the most part.

Eric can’t get the Network on the phone and isn’t happy about it.

Madison is going to be front row for Tara’s match. Sting pops up with his cage and says whatever he has under it is worse than Tara’s spider.

Winter vs. Tara

Tessmacher is here with Tara. They kiss pre match and no one cares. Love and Tessmacher get thrown out before we get going. Tara jumps her to start and beats on her rather easily, throwing on the Tarantula because she’s into spiders I guess. Slingshot legdrop misses so Winter takes over a bit. Clothesline gets two for Winter. Tara fights back and does the standing moonsault for no cover. Widow’s Peak is reversed and Winter kicks her in the face. BAD REF BUMP gets rid of Earl so Winter can hit her low and hit a horrible spinning Rock Bottom into a backbreaker for the pin at 4:20.

Rating: D-. The only reason it isn’t a failure is Winter’s rack and Tara in those shorts. Match was HORRIBLE and sloppy beyond belief. No one cares about the Knockouts anymore and the matches are a big reason for that. Weak match here and they need to get somewhere with all these stories already.

X-Division Title: Abyss vs. Brian Kendrick

Ultimate X here remember. Kendrick kicks at the leg to start but can’t do anything because Abyss is just too big. Abyss drops him and tries to jump up and reach the belt (not a horrible idea) but can’t do it. He goes to the corner and realizes that’s a bad idea also. Tornado DDT doesn’t work for Kendrick as he gets shoved off and kicked in the face for his troubles.

Abyss goes outside and tries to break the whole structure by shaking it. This doesn’t work but it lets Kendrick dive on Abyss. Back in and Abyss goes down again and Kendrick goes for the title, only to leave his leg down for him to be pulled down. Abyss beats him down in the corner but misses a charge, letting Kendrick hit Sliced Bread. He gets about halfway to the belt as Abyss gets back up. He leaves the foot down again and Abyss makes the stop. The charge hits this time and a second does as well. In a cool ending, Abyss goes for a chokeslam but lifts him too high, letting Kendrick pull the title down at 6:00.

Rating: D+. So what was the point in this again other than to make sure Kendrick doesn’t look strong? They make such a huge deal about Ultimate X when they’re on PPV and then we get a free one for six minutes on TV. I don’t get what Russo’s obsession with gimmicks is but it gets old fast.

Traci has asked ODB and Jackie back tonight. Velvet isn’t happy but Traci says it’s cool.

Eric Young talks to some old guy about expanding his market. Something is said about the jewels in the belt so Young…strips. The old guy says if Young wants to be taken seriously as an actor, go find an acting coach. Give me a break.

Traci and Velvet are in the ring and call out ODB and Jackie. Traci says she used to be a Knockout and was shoved out to make room for fresh faces. She says the two of them should be happy they don’t have criminal charges. ODB yells about how Velvet started using sex appeal to get over and they’re going to fight or something.

Velvet says she was the runt when she was a kid and that she was bullied. So we’re supposed to believe that VELVET FREAKING SKY was the victim of bullying? I don’t know about your high school, but girls that looked anywhere close to Velvet (which none did) did NOT get picked on. Like, at all. Velvet keeps running her mouth about how tough she is and how she’s standing up for herself or something. She leaves and that’s it. This was HORRIBLE.

Fourtune is talking about something and Kaz says if they happen to hurt a member of Immortal before their six man at Hardcore Justice, so be it. Daniels pulls AJ aside and asks if he had a chance to think about what they talked about last week. AJ asks if Daniels is serious and can’t seem to believe he’s considering whatever it is. Sting pops up and asks if they’re ready. AJ wants to know what’s in the cage and Sting says he’ll go give Bischoff what’s in it right now.

Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle

In a cage with Fourtune around the ring. We take a break before we get going because giving a match more than 10 minutes is a sin in TNA. We come back from the break in Bischoff’s office as he rants on the phone to the Network. He says how dare you make Sting the Network executive. Bischoff sounds confused because they say they haven’t talked to Sting in weeks. Sting pops up and Eric gets off the phone.

The cage (still covered) is put on a shelf and Sting says he’s going to confess something. He’s not the Network executive but the suit has made people listen to him. It gives you stroke and he pulls off the covering to reveal a crow or some kind of bird. It lands on Eric’s computer and looks at him. Sting locks him in the room from the outside and Eric FREAKS.

Oh and the cage match has been going on the whole time apparently. Since Sting doesn’t have authority, this isn’t an official match. Angle beats him down to start and Anderson gets a neckbreaker for two. The fans tell Anderson that he sold out. Suplex gets two for Anderson. Headlock by Anderson is reversed into a belly to back to put both guys down. They slug it out and Angle makes a comeback.

There’s a belly to belly for two but the Angle Slam doesn’t work. There are the rolling Germans but the ankle lock is reversed into a rollup for two. Kurt is sent into the cage and the Mic Check gets a close two. Ankle lock goes on but Anderson kicks him off. He tries to climb but Angle hits the running German for two.

Here comes Immortal and the fight is on. Even Bischoff is out there and gets beaten down as well. Mexican America comes out to fight Beer Money and everyone but a hiding Bully Ray is gone. Anderson says give me a chair so Ray opens the door. He won’t let go of it though and shoves Anderson with it, allowing the Slam to end this at 8:58.

Rating: C+. Match was ok but the shortness kind of hurt it. For the life of me I still don’t get the point in having a match that could be a draw being added on half an hour into the show but whatever. Not a bad match but at the same time it wasn’t really enough to mean anything. The ending was pretty stupid too but it furthers a story I suppose.

Post match Sting comes out and raises Angle’s hand. By comes out I mean the lights go out and he appears. Sting’s music plays us out as he says just ten days.

Overall Rating: D-. Anything they had going for the past few weeks was totally gone tonight. The lack of wrestling, the bad pacing, the stupid angles and the bad segments were all back tonight. Sting was built up as the new force all night and then “oh never mind.” Didn’t like this at all and at times it was just stupid. I’m supposed to believe that a chick that looks like Velvet Sky who was a jock in high school and was into wrestling in the mid 90s was bullied? REALLY? Anyway, bad show and I can’t say I’m surprised after weeks of good stuff.

Results

Rob Van Dam b. Gunner – Five Star Frog Splash

Crimson b. Bully Ray – Red Sky

Winter b. Tara – Spinning backbreaker

Brian Kendrick b. Abyss – Kendrick pulled the title down

Sting b. Mr. Anderson – Angle Slam

Slammiversary 2011
Date: June 12, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s anniversary day for TNA again as this time they’re turning nine.  The main event is Sting vs. Anderson in what I’m sure will live up to all of the hype.  Given the matches and such they’ve had so far for this setup, that shouldn’t take much.  Other than that we’ve got Angle vs. Jarrett in another final match, this time with the medals and the title shot next month on the line.  Other than that, standard TNA fair.  Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Sting vs. Anderson to no surprise.  Now let’s talk about the Knockouts and Angle/Jarrett.  Jarrett vs. Angle is the main topic.  Nothing about the whole anniversary aspect yet.  Sting vs. Anderson is the last part of it.  Nothing special at all here.

Tag Titles: British Invasion vs. James Storm/Alex Shelley

Shelley is subbing for the injured Robert Roode here.  The Brits are Magnus and Williams who now have matching jackets.  Roode sits in on commentary.  Williams is in trunks now which is going to take some getting used to.  Storm vs. Williams to start us off but it’s off to Shelley quickly.  Shelley of course speeds things way up but a blind tag brings in Storm to face Magnus.  Very fast paced stuff so far.

Double dropkick takes Magnus down so it’s off to Williams.  They do one of the Guns’ moves with the bridging neck hold but Storm adds in a pair of fingers to the eyes instead of a dropkick.  Shelley gets pulled to the floor and the tide turns a bit.  Williams chokes away a bit and drops a knee for two.  The Brits get an overly elaborate double neckbreaker as Shelley plays face in peril for awhile.

Magnus hits a suplex and Shelley wants a tag.  Nice double team moves sets up a middle rope elbow for Williams.  Exploder suplex by Williams looks to set up Rolling Chaos Theory but Shelly counters into a Downward Spiral into the middle buckle.  Hot tag to Storm who sends Williams to the floor.  Williams is sent to the floor again, this time on top of Magnus.  Suicide dive by Shelley takes Williams down again.  That’s not a good few seconds for him at all.

They even stop to do the BEER MONEY thing.  Shelley stuns Magnus on the top rope and Storm sets for the Eye of the Storm but Williams reverses.  Superkick is blocked as is the Rolling Chaos.  Superkicks all around and a Codebreaker sets up a top rope double stomp for a close two on Williams.

Top rope kick puts Magnus down and Storm loads up the beer, which of course goes into Shelley’s eyes.  Shelley drills Storm and a top rope variation of the Hart Attack (European Uppercut instead of a clothesline) gets a very close two on Storm.  Shelley pops in again and it’s a superkick to Magnus to set up the Sliced Bread to end this.  Solid opener.

Rating: B. Good stuff to start us off here and that’s exactly what it was supposed to be.  Tags are more or less the perfect opener to shows, especially when they’re fast paced like this one was.  They worked hard out there and we have a solid pace set for the show, which is what the opener is for.  I’m very pleased here.

Jarrett and Angle got here earlier today.

Steiner says his arms are bigger than Morgan’s so he’ll beat him down tonight.  Oh and he’ll take Morgan’s girlfriend.

Matt Morgan vs. Scott Steiner

Let the war of alliteration begin!  Steiner is billed from the Detroit University of Michigan.  The university is in Ann Arbor but who cares I guess.  Morgan dominates to start and takes Steiner to the floor rather quickly.  Back in Steiner hits a low blow and takes over.  I can’t imagine this is going to go long.  Belly to belly gets two.  There’s the clothesline/elbow/pushups.  Steiner’s offense is rather slow so let’s talk about the Impact Wrestling fantasy game.

Steiner yells at the fans a lot and continues his very slow style.  Tazz calls it veteran pacing.  I call it he’s old and slow.  Morgan wakes up a bit and hammers away to start his comeback.  Steiner goes into the buckle and it’s a splash to set up a side slam for no cover.  Michinoku Driver gets two.  Steiner gets a suplex (I’m shocked too) to break the momentum and two at the same time.  Isn’t he efficient?

Downward Spiral by Steiner for two.  Steiner Recliner goes on and there’s zero torque on it at all.  Morgan gets underneath him and lifts him up but Steiner USES A VICTORY ROLL for two.  WOW.  Chokeslam and belly to belly are blocked and the Carbon Footprint ends this.  Well at least the right guy won there.

Rating: C-. Not a horrible battle of the big men here and I’m still recovering from that victory roll.  It was a pretty good one on top of that.  Now for the love of all things good and holy, get Morgan something else to do that isn’t a random power vs. power feud.  He’s been doing those forever now and they’re old.

Jarrett says he’s already taken Kurt’s greatest accomplishment and she’s sitting in Sleeping Giant.  Oh wait that’s just Morgan’s music still playing.  Karen is the greatest accomplishment apparently.  On Thursday Jeff is going to be awarded the gold medal apparently.  This victory is going to be dedicated to Karen.

Recap of the X-Division triple threat.  Abyss got the title from Kaz and quoted Art of War a lot.  Kaz and Kendrick are trying to get the title off of him to save the X-Division.  Oh and Abyss calls it the Xtreme Title.

X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Abyss vs. Kazarian

Kendrick is all serious here.  You would think this would be a handicap match for the most part.  Kendrick is down within seconds so Kaz tries to hammer away to no real result.  Dropkick works a bit but Kaz is knocked to the floor a second later.  Abyss is like screw these tiny men and throws Kendrick to the floor on top of Kaz.  They finally wake up and double team him which puts him down in the corner.

Out to the floor and more double teaming takes Abyss down.  Back in the ring and Kaz tries to send Kendrick into Abyss but thankfully Abyss remembers that his finisher is a spinning slam so it’s a Black Hole Slam for Kendrick.  Big boot takes Kaz down and the monster stands tall.  Abyss beats on Kaz and knocks Kendrick back to the floor before he can do anything.

Big lumbering clothesline in the corner puts Kaz down as we’ve slowed this way down.  Kaz tries to bite Abyss and that fails as well.  Off to a neck crank as Kendrick comes back in again.  And scratch that as he falls down again.  Kaz tries a comeback but gets caught in Shock Treatment.  Vader Bomb misses as the previously assumed dead Kendrick is back in.  Some dropkicks put Abyss down for two.  More kicks set up a decent tornado DDT for two.  Abyss gets all ticked off and chokeslams Kendrick.  Pretty bad rana takes Abyss down as does a double dropkick.

Slingshot legdrop by Kaz sets up a frog splash by Kendrick for a double stacked two.  Chokeslam to Kaz is countered into a rollup for two.  Kaz is thrown into Kendrick and Abyss falls to the floor.  Kendrick and Kaz fire off some rights to each other and some F Bombs.  Well this had to happen eventually.  Kaz puts him on the top and Abyss is still down.  Kaz tries a top rope C4 to Kendrick but settles for the Fade To Black.  That doesn’t work either as Kendrick reverses and nails Kaz with a leg lariat.  And here’s Abyss to steal the pin to retain.

Rating: C. The selling was kind of overkill here but at the same time they had the story down pretty well.  It entered into the triple threat formula at the end but at the same time they kind of had to do that to make the match work.  Not a horrible match or anything but just about what was expected.  Abyss will likely lose next month.

Crimson vs. Joe is recapped.  It’s a battle of the undefeated streaks so look for Crimson to win here, which would be his biggest win.  Oh and we get a clip of the “viral” video of the bar fight.

Samoa Joe vs. Crimson

Crimson hits the ring and they slug it out immediately.  The fans think Joe’s Gonna Kill Crimson.  Suicide dive is blocked by a forearm from the floor and there’s a big boot back in the ring by Crimson.  Neckbreaker gets two.  Cravate goes on so Joe gets a bad dragon screw leg whip to take the red dude down.  Crimson hammers away on Joe but walks into a kind of atomic drop sort of a move to the knee.  That was different.

He takes Crimson down with relative ease and there’s a leg bar for a few seconds.  Spinning toe hold by Joe as we go back to the mid 1870s.  Crimson counters into a triangle choke and then an arm bar which gets him nowhere.  T-Bone suplex by Crimson takes Joe down as the fans are trying to get into this.  Double arm DDT gets two.  The fans chant Mercer, which is Crimson’s real name I believe.

Suplex and a clothesline by Joe get two.  Joe goes up to the middle rope for a Rough Ryder for two.  Joe is all frustrated.  “Dang man end this match already before the buffet is empty.”  Powerbomb gets two and it’s off to a half crab.  We get a Gumby reference of all things as the hold stays on.  They slap it out and Crimson gets a spear to take Joe down.  They slug it out again with Crimson knocking him back into the corner.  Now Joe knocks him back into the corner but can’t get the Musclebuster.  Clutch can’t go on either so there’s the Red Sky to end this.

Rating: C+. Pretty good big slugout here and it’s good to see Crimson actually face big time competition for a change.  Pretty good match here with the ending being pretty clear, but a nice test for Crimson nonetheless.  I don’t think Crimson is as great as he’s made out to be, but this worked pretty well for what it was.

They shake hands post match and Joe pulls Crimson in close to say we’ll do this again.

Winter and Angelina do their usual thing.  Winning the title is a step closer to the final destiny apparently.  Angelina turns down the pill this time and says it’s not necessary anymore because they’re on the same page.

Knockout Title: Angelina Love vs. Mickie James

Fans are totally behind Mickie here.  There’s a fat guest timekeeper that Taz makes jokes about.  Angelina does her zombie thing and it turns into kind of a catfight.  Love works on the arm so Mickie gets a rana out of the corner, only to walk into a snap suplex for two.  Mickie blows a kiss at Winter so Winter takes her down.  Not into swinging I guess.  Mickie gets a clothesline to take both girls down.

And there she goes right back to the floor.  Angelina is sent into the steps which gets about a seven on the floor.  Back in and Mickie takes over one more time with a bunch of clotheslines.  Thesz Press off the top gets no cover.  Winter grabs Mickie’s foot again which gets her nowhere at all.

Botox Injection (name totally doesn’t fit anymore) gets two so Angelina goes all psycho on Mickie again.  She tries that backbreaker thing she’s been doing which is countered into the DDT attempt.  Northern lights suplex gets two.  Winter cheating on a rollup gets two.  They botch the jumping DDT like never before but it gets the pin anyway.  Horrible looking ending and considering Mickie was involved in it, that says a lot.

Rating: D+. The botches were flowing harder than a sorority’s menstrual cycle here and it really hurt the match.  They need to get somewhere already with this story because they’re moving like molasses with it.  Just get to the lesbian stuff or have Angelina wake up already.  Mickie keeping the title here is probably only temporary but whatever.

Mickie gets choked out after the match.

Ray says he’s a man unlike AJ and that he’ll destroy AJ.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray.  Ray is being a bully (shocking) and doesn’t like how AJ acts as a wrestler, saying he’s a boy.

Bully Ray vs. AJ Styles

Last man standing here.  AJ is listed as being from Gainesville, Florida instead of Georgia.  Christy looks good, but dude, go wear low cut shirts and that’s about it.  Staredown to start and then AJ hammers away.  Ray runs him over so that gets us nowhere.  This is going to take awhile to get anywhere, much like any last man standing match.  Ray pounds away and we go to the floor for awhile.

Bully sets up the steps but chops away instead.  He drops AJ onto the steps but pulls him up at about 4.  Ray puts the steps on AJ and then stands on him, which should get a ten.  Naturally Ray lets him up because he’s not that intelligent at times.  That and a few more shots get a four.  Back into the ring for some more hard chops as this has almost been all Ray.

AJ says bring it and holds his chest out.  More chopping follows and Styles says keep em coming.  Ray of course stands around and lets AJ get up because again, he’s not that smart.  Instead he punches him in the jaw this time which works a bit better.  AJ gets back up and his chest is all kinds of messed up.  Styles hammers away and gets Ray down with the Pele.  Springboard forearm gets six.

Ray goes up so AJ hits a Pele up there.  AJ goes up there for a rana but gets caught in a sitout powerbomb.  That looks awesome coming off the top and it gets like five here.  They both stumble to the floor and Ray has a chain.  That hits post though and Ray’s hand is hurt.  AJ gets the chain and a jumping punch with it sends Ray under the ring to blade.  Ooo and it’s a good one too.

Back in the ring and AJ gets his springboard 450 for a count of about 8.  AJ picks Ray up and throws him to the floor and down goes a cameraman.  Pescado puts Ray down again and it’s Styles Clash time.  That of course doesn’t work so we go back up the ramp.  Ray wants the powerbomb again but AJ hits a pair of Peles and a punt to send Ray to the floor.

AJ is like screw it and dives off the stage to Ray and it looks like his head slammed into Ray’s shoulder.  That only gets 9.  Styles loads up a table and puts it in front of the stage.  Chair to the back puts Ray on it and it’s huge spot time.  He sets for a running dive but realizes it’s too far.  Instead he climbs up the truss and hits one of the biggest dives you’ll EVER see to kill Ray.  I was legit scared there.  And then Ray kicks him through the stage wall and wins the freaking thing.  HORRIBLE ending as AJ was built up perfectly and then oh wait let’s make sure Ray wins because AJ freaking Styles isn’t a big enough star right?

Rating: B. Great match and the ending ruined it.  AJ hits one of the biggest spots in company history and then BULLY FREAKING RAY beats him with a kick to the back?  Are you freaking kidding me?  Zero reason at all for Ray to win this and the shot he wins it with was freaking weak.  AJ’s dive is worth seeing and is up there with the Swanton Jeff Hardy did to Orton on Raw like three years ago for scary dives.  Hate the ending though.  Absolutely hate it.

Anderson says it’s serious time tonight.

We recap the world title match which is Anderson trying to get under Sting’s skin, which never really made a lot of sense but whatever.

TNA World Title: Sting vs. Mr. Anderson

Sting comes in and jumps Anderson during the entrance.  He’s in all red here and has that paint on his face making him look like the Joker.  All Sting so far as Anderson can’t even get his shirt off.  Into the crowd they go and Anderson goes into a wall.  There’s black/gray around Sting’s mouth for some reason.  Anderson gets a quick reversal and that gets him nowhere at all as Sting pounds on him even more.

Up the steps they go even further and this is wasting a ton of time.  To the ring finally and Sting is sent into the post.  Anderson sends Sting’s hand into the steps and then pulls the arm around the post for awhile.  More F Bombs dropped as an armbar goes on Sting.  Clothesline puts Sting down again for two.  Anderson wastes forever and does Sting’s chest pound before missing a horrible Stinger Splash.

Modified world’s strongest slam gets two.  Anderson is covering a lot here.  Back to the armbar which makes some sense here at least.  Sting starts his comeback and pounds on his chest as he is known to do at times.  Clothesline sets up a backdrop and the splash in the corner.  Scorpion is set up….and here’s Bischoff.  Another Stinger Splash misses and Anderson gets a very close two.

Sting gets a regular DDT with the bad arm for two.  He tries something close to a Banzai Drop but gets caught in the little stingers which gets two for Anderson.  Mic Check hits on the second attempt for two.  Stinger Splash and the Death Drop hit but Bischoff interferes and messes with the count so there was only a two count instead of the three.  Low blow RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REFEREE sets up the Mic Check and we have a new champion.  Wow indeed.

Rating: C. The chicanery hits again.  I really hope this doesn’t set up Anderson joining Immortal because it really seemed like it was dying there for awhile.  Bischoff is the source of drama again which is his custom.  Hopefully this sticks around so we don’t have Sting vs. Hogan for the title.  Surprising ending and it more or less locks up Angle winning tonight in the main event.

Karen says Kurt pushed her which is what caused her injuries.  The medal comes to Tennessee tonight.  Tenay calls her a ball buster.

We recap Jarrett vs. Angle which is the final battle tonight.  They’ve had like six PPV matches tonight and this one is mainly over Karen being “injured” (read as going off to get implants) which we couldn’t see the details of.

Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett

Winner gets the title shot next month and if Jeff wins he gets Kurt’s medal.  I can live with this being the main event because it’s the anniversary show and this has been built up better than Sting vs. Anderson.  Angle’s right arm is taped a bit.  Feeling out process to start as they’re going for the big epic match here which they probably should.  Angle takes it to the mat as is his custom.

Headlock goes on for awhile by Angle and he adds a hiptoss to take over.  Jeff backdrops him to the floor and Kurt is holding his shoulder which I’d assume is kayfabe.  Jeff works him over on the floor for awhile and we head back into the ring.  Jarrett hammers away as Angle is in trouble.  He hits that move where one guy is in position for the 619 and you jump on their back.  Both try cross bodies and they both go down.

There’s the sleeper to give them a breather.  Angle rams him into the corner and there’s a German.  Boo/yay punching sequence with the yays having it.  Belly to belly gets two.  Dropkick off the middle rope gets two.  Jarrett tries a rana I think which is countered into a powerbomb for two.  Ankle lock goes on for a bit but Jeff gets a DDT for two.  Stroke is countered into the Angle Slam for two.  Moonsault misses and he would have barely hit Jeff’s feet anyway.

Tombstone doesn’t work and it’s ankle lock time again.  Jeff rolls through and down goes the referee.  Low blow takes Kurt down and Jeff grabs a guitar on the floor.  Down goes Kurt and for once he moves the pieces out of the ring.  He leaves one though and here’s another referee who apparently wasn’t watching the screen in the back.  That gets two and Jeff is ticked.

Earl and Jeff get into a shoving match, resulting in a Kurt rollup for two.  Here are the Germans for a long two.  Jeff goes up and there’s the running suplex for a long two.  The crowd isn’t really getting into this for some reason.  Angle charges and goes shoulder first into the post.  Middle rope Stroke only gets two.  Jeff gets the Angle Slam and the ankle lock to Kurt, including the leg lace.  Jeff stands up for some reason and Kurt rolls through into the ankle lock with the lace and Jeff taps.

Rating: B+. Very good match here and mostly worthy of a main event of a PPV, but at the same time it never hit that epic level that they were looking for.  Anderson vs. Angle at the next PPV should be ok but we’ve seen it before.  At least it hasn’t happened recently though so that helps.  This was a rather good match here and a fitting match for the final battle.  Good match, but not quite great.

Overall Rating: B-. Overall this was good but at the same time there were some rather questionable booking decisions on this show.  The Bischoff thing I’m not sure about at all but that’s coming on Impact I guess.  Ray vs. AJ was freaking stupid after the great match which doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.  Overall it’s good, but some of the booking and the first hour being pretty weak overall hurts it.  Still good though and one of the better TNA shows in a good while.

Results

James Storm/Alex Shelley b. British Invasion – Sliced Bread #2 to Magnus

Matt Morgan b. Scott Steiner – Carbon Footprint

Abyss b. Brian Kendrick and Kazarian – Abyss pinned Kazarian after a leg lariat from Kendrick

Crimson b. Samoa Joe – Red Sky

Mickie James b. Angelina Love – Jumping DDT

Bully Ray b. AJ Styles – Styles couldn’t answer the ten count

Mr. Anderson b. Sting – Mic Check

Kurt Angle b. Jeff Jarrett – Ankle Lock

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 9, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Slammiversary and we have most of the card set up already.  With Foley now fired and apparently legit gone from the company, it appears that Immortal is back in control again.  Also we’re likely to get the final push to Sting vs. Anderson which will see Sting/Young vs. Anderson/Gunner.  Anyway, let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week of Foley being fired and Immortal having full power again.  Hogan is looking extra orange here.

Hogan and Bischoff open the show.  Hulk says that the Network finally woke up and got rid of the selfish Foley.  Eric says that Foley did have a few good ideas such as the name of the show and that wrestling matters.  Eric assures us that the X Division is going to be presented in a fair and balanced manner.  First up though he wants the contenders in the world title match to come down here right now.

Here are Anderson and Sting.  Hogan talks about how awesome this company is now.  They’re not going to go through this with the Network again.  Hogan gave his word apparently and he meant it.  At Slammiversary there will be a winner and a loser with no gimmicks or agendas.  Also there will be no run-ins.  If either guy has a problem with that speak now.

Anderson raises his hand and says that he’s been making fun of Sting for weeks because everything Sting stands for is a joke.  Anderson is in this for Anderson and on Sunday, he’s getting the title back.  Sting says he’s got a lot he’s going to do about that.  There are a lot of things he wants to do around here and he’s going to do them because he’s champion.  One of two things has to happen: Hogan and Bischoff have to leave or the real Hogan has to come back.  He gets in Eric’s face and calls him an infection, blaming him for Hogan being the way he is.  Hogan needs to cut away the cancer, and he’s certainly capable of it.

Knockouts are up next.

Mickie James/Tara vs. Winter/Angelina Love

Can we just get to the lesbian stuff already?  Tara has the motorcycle back.  Tara and Winter start us off.  Angelina doesn’t seem interested in tagging in so Mickie and Tara work on the arm.  I guess Mickie is all cool about the whole Tara running her over a few months back thing.  Off to Angelina who wants Mickie.  Tara instead hits a spinning side slam and it’s off to Mickie.  They hit a wheelbarrow splash for one as Angelina does her zombie thing again.

With Tara accidentally distracting the referee, Winter is able to get a powerbomb in the corner on Mickie for two.  The zombie chicks take over on Mickie now as she plays Ricky Morton for a bit.  Mickie hammers back and that gets her nowhere.  Blind tag brings in Angelina but Mickie hits a dropkick to take her down.  Everything breaks down and Madison comes down to distract Tara, allowing Angelina to hit her backbreaker on Mickie for the pin at 4:45.

Rating: C. Not bad here but really just a standard tag match.  It sets up the Mickie vs. Angelina match on Sunday which is fine.  Nothing too bad but Madison might have been a bit too much out there.  Angelina’s chest looked great though so that balances out the questionable ending.

Beer Money and Shelley are ready for their match tonight and on Sunday.

Mexican America says they’re tired of getting less every time.

We get a video of Samoa Joe and Crimson fighting in a bar which is filmed via phone apparently.  Joe beats the tar out of him.

Jeff Jarrett gets here and doesn’t want to talk about Karen so he walks off.

The Brits are on commentary here.  Well at least Magnus is as Williams stands behind the desk.

Mexican America vs. Alex Shelley/James Storm

Anarquia and Shelley start us off.  The champions I guess do some of the Guns’ offense which Storm modifies for his own style.  I like that as it plays up the best of both world dynamics.  Shelley gets caught coming off the top and Hernandez hits his slingshot shoulder to take Shelley down.  We keep cutting to Magnus talking so it’s hard to see everything that’s going on.

Shelley tries to fight back but gets caught by the power of Hernandez.  Slam sets up a missed splash off the top by Supermex and there’s the tag to Storm and one to Anarquia also.  Everything breaks down and Hernandez is knocked to the floor.  Storm has Anarquia covered but the girls distract the referee.  Sarita gets beer to the face and Shelley kicks Storm in the face, allowing Anarquia to get the pin on Storm at 4:30.

Rating: C. Pretty decent tag match here as we can see the problems that the guys unfamiliar with being partners.  I liked how Shelley and Storm worked together out there but I’m not sure I get the point in having them lose.  Have miscommunication and let them win still to make it look like they’re having issues but can still win on Sunday.  Either way not bad here.

Gunner comes in to see Anderson and Anderson asks for help against Sting, implying he’ll repay the favor later.  They’re cool apparently.

Mexican America comes in to see Hogan and wants a title shot.  Hogan gets all ticked off and says quit telling me what to do or he’ll turn into the Terminator and play a game of Hulkster Says with the ladies.  Mexican America is going to do something when Hogan least expects it.  Ok then.

Preview of Angle/Jarrett with the main focus being on Angle.  He says he’s not worried about this Sunday and says that he can beat Jarrett this time because there will be no Karen to distract him.

We open the second hour with more talking of course, this time in the form of Jarrett and Angle.  Jeff says Kurt is going to listen tonight rather than it being them going back and forth.  Karen is gone apparently and won’t be at the PPV.  Jeff has had to think about that for seven days now and the first thing he did was panic.  He panicked over what Kurt will do to him when it’s one on one.  Jeff reminds everyone that he brought Kurt in and Kurt is the best in history.

However, Kurt never thanked Jeff for bringing him in.  Kurt wasn’t happy about being the best in the company and the real star.  It was always about making people forget about Jeff.  Then Jarrett wanted to take everything dear to Kurt, so he took his wife and kids.  Now he wants to take away Kurt’s place on top and he won’t sleep until he owns it.

Kurt finally gets to talk and thanks Jeff for taking Karen out of his life for good.  All he’s ever wanted was Jeff one on one but Jeff had to keep bringing Karen into it.  Kurt isn’t wasting any more words on him because on Sunday, his wrestling will do the talking.  Then Jeff will see how real this really is.

ODB doesn’t like how Velvet presents herself and ODB will how Velvet what wrestling is tonight.

Kaz and Kendrick have Janice and are looking for Abyss.  Kendrick says Abyss is his type of guy.  They say they’re going to go find him.

Bully Ray is here for an open challenge.  On Sunday he’ll be the last man standing because he’s a man.  I wonder if he’s 40.  The challenge is for everyone other than D-Von.  Here’s a surprising person to take it.

Rob Van Dam vs. Bully Ray

RVD does his poses and gets powerbombed out of the corner for two.  All Ray so far as he uses his basic brawling stuff.  RVD finally gets in a kick to send Ray into the corner.  Monkey flip doesn’t work and Ray hammers away again.  AJ is chilling in the stands watching this.  Ray hasn’t seen him yet but he does now.  The distraction lets RVD recover long enough to counter the Piledriver.  Springboard kick sets up the Five Star and we’re done at 3:30.

Rating: C. This is barely gradeable as the majority was Ray hammering on RVD and then the AJ distraction.  RVD had a total of about four moves in this.  Remember a few weeks ago when he and Angle had one of the “biggest matches in Impact history”?  And now he has a three and a half minute match with Bully Ray that he needs AJ to help him get through.  Things change so fast in wrestling it’s unreal.

We get a clip from English TV of Angle trying to get back on the Olympic team.

Kendrick and Kaz are still looking for Abyss and they actually find him reading The Art of War again.  Abyss talks about how he doesn’t need Janice anymore and calls the X Title the Extreme Title.  There can be a three way at the PPV.  Kendrick gets into a big philosophical rant and Kaz just leaves.

We run down the card for Slammiversary.

ODB vs. Velvet Sky

ODB isn’t under contract apparently so she comes out next to the broadcast table.  Sky jumps her before the bell and the brawl begins.  Velvet is sent into the steps and hurts her knee as we finally head into the ring and start the actual match.  ODB covers immediately but only gets two.  This is a sloppy brawl and barely even a match at all.

Velvet can’t get going due to the knee injury but has a chance to breathe due to ODB yelling at the referee.  She argues even more and Velvet can’t do anything.  The announcers make stupid jokes and we get more arguing with the referee.  Velvet finally wakes up and stomps away in the corner.  Out to the floor again and Velvet gets her back rammed into the post.  Fall away slam sets up more yelling and Velvet grabs a DDT for the surprise pin at 5:12.

Rating: D. Didn’t like this at all as it was about five minutes of stomping, choking and yelling.  I guess that’s the end of this feud and if so that’s not saying very much.  Pretty weak match here and the only real perk was Velvet looking good.  Any match where I have to watch ODB slap her vagina is a bad one.

Eric Young is all stupid again and talks about unifying the titles and Who’s The Boss before Sting yells at him again.  He wants him to drop the comedy for one night and let the competitor come out.

We get a clip from Xplosion where D-Von and Pope have been having issues.  Pope came out to save D-Von from Mexican America.  D-Von doesn’t like Pope being around his kids and wife.

And now let’s have our main event.

Gunner/Mr. Anderson vs. Sting/Eric Young

Big match intros kill some time.  The slow bell for this makes me chuckle for some reason.  Sting vs. Anderson to start but we get the traditional fast tag from Anderson to bring in Gunner.  Sting gets the splash in the corner very quickly and adds a second one, both of them to the back.  Apparently the second was because a spot was messed up as after the first Sting intentionally turned his back to Anderson.  He did it again the second time in the same spot and Anderson drilled him.

Anderson works over Sting in the corner now and it’s off to Gunner again.  He works on the ribs with an abdominal stretch and here’s Anderson again.  Sting gets a clothesline and it’s off to Eric who cleans a few rooms, adding a big top rope elbow to Gunner.  He fakes blowing mist at Anderson but celebrates too much and is rammed into Sting.  That counts as a tag somehow and Gunner hits the F5 on Sting for the pin at 6:00.  Oh and Young celebrates on the floor.

Rating: D+. What in the world was that?  Who in the world thought it was a good idea for Gunner of all people to get a pin on Sting to end the show?  I don’t get this at all and the main event is the longest match of the show at 6:00.  Not a fan of that at all and I don’t get what they’re going for here in the slightest.

Back and Young doesn’t get that they lost.  Sting is mad.

AJ says the plan is coming together.  Ray pops up and says he didn’t back away.  Agents break it up.

Sting gets something out of his bag and Anderson talks about how he didn’t break a sweat.  Sting comes up and Anderson runs.  They go into a trailer and Sting beats him down then puts paint all over Anderson’s face.  This is Sting snapping I guess.  He chokes Anderson out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not a bad show tonight but it was rather paint by numbers.  Nothing really happened here but it was a go home show for the PPV and they covered the big matches for it pretty well.  That being said it was another match where everything kind of dragged which is never a good thing.  Definitely not a bad show but really just kind of there at the end of the day.  That main event brought it down though.

Results

Angelina Love/Winter b. Mickie James/Tara – Backbreaker to James

Mexican America b. Alex Shelley/James Storm – Anarquia pinned Storm after a superkick from Shelley

Rob Van Dam b. Bully Ray – Five Star Frog Splash

Velvet Sky b. ODB – DDT

Gunner/Mr. Anderson b. Sting/Eric Young – F5 to Sting

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 2, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s Thursday, which means it’s time for Impact.  After last week’s less than inspired effort, hopefully tonight there are no 40 minute rests between matches.  We have two weeks left before Slammiversary and most of the card seems to be all set up.  I’d expect more shenanigans from Anderson tonight as far as Sting and more build between Jarrett and Angle because we haven’t seen enough of that yet right?  Let’s get to it.

Bischoff arrives and is served legal papers by the Network.  Because when you think of wrestling, you think of old men with gray hair, network dealings and legal paperwork right?

We open with a big brawl between Velvet and ODB in the back.  Velvet fights back and hits a spear through….a big piece of paper.  ODB shouts about Velvet being the reason why ODB doesn’t have a job.  ODB beats her up and carries her into the Impact Zone, shouting about how Velvet slept her way to her job and all that jazz.

The producers FINALLY come out to break this up and that goes nowhere so ODB rips off the shirt Velvet is wearing so we at least get to see Sky in a bikini which is never a bad thing.  After Velvet is left laying and ODB leaves Tessmacher finally comes out to help her.  Some friend.  This ate up like five minutes total.

AJ and Bully Ray have a confrontation later.  Not a match mind you, a confrontation.

Also Jarrett/Steiner vs. Angle/Morgan.

Here’s Sting and never mind as it’s really Anderson again in old school Sting clothes.  He’s going to face someone from Sting’s past tonight and that’s about it.

Bischoff is on the phone and Kendrick comes up, saying he wants another shot at Abyss.  Kaz has the shot at the PPV apparently but tonight instead it’s Kaz vs. Kendrick and the winner gets Abyss at Slammiversary.

Bischoff is still on the phone, apparently to Hogan.  He actually says SpikeTV instead of The Network for once.  He comes into the arena and apparently that was during the break.  Hogan will be here later it seems.  Bischoff calls down Beer Money and apparently Roode isn’t cleared to wrestle at the PPV.  They’re facing the British Invasion apparently.  Uh….why?  Roode says he’ll be at the PPV so here comes Alex Shelley.

Apparently Sabin as torn ligaments in his knee and won’t be back until 2012.  Shelley talks about the best of 5 series that the Guns had last year with Beer Money and how he wants to defend the titles in Roode’s place.  Bischoff says no way but Shelley has Network authority.  They team is now Gun Money apparently.  Shouldn’t it be Beer Guns or Motor Beer or something?

Matt Hardy vs. Crimson

Crimson is introduced as the undefeated Crimson.  It’s Crimson vs. Joe at the PPV apparently.  Matt gets taken down by a clothesline quickly and sent to the floor for a breather.  Very basic match so far as Crimson uses his power and Matt uses his basic offense.  A middle rope clothesline puts Crimson down and an elbow gets two.  Matt works on the neck which makes sense for a guy whose finisher is the Twist of Hate.  Crimson tries to go up but Matt knocks him off and hits a middle rope legdrop for two.

Crimson starts his comeback and hits a double arm DDT for two.  His offense is kind of limited for the most part and he doesn’t wrestle like the power guy you would think he is based on his looks.  Twist of Fate doesn’t hit but the Sky High (wasn’t that called Red Sky or something last week?) ends this out of nowhere at 6:05.

Rating: C. Pretty boring here as Crimson didn’t look so much like a monster here but rather someone that escaped with a victory.  That’s ok because Matt is probably the biggest one on one match he’s had off the top of my head other than Joe, but this wasn’t anything all that great.  Not bad either though.  Just kind of there if that makes sense.

Joe comes out post match and is speared out of the ring before he can even throw a punch.

Anderson comes up to Young in the back and wants to talk to him.  Young has both titles on him still.  Apparently the world is clamoring for Young to have seminars to show how to have matches like Young and Gunner had last week.  Anderson wants Young to pretend to be Great Muta tonight for the match.  This is about respect though, not disrespect, so Young agrees.

Winter tells Angelina that tonight the respect begins again with Tessmacher.  Angelina actually talks, saying she remembers a better time when they were loved and alone and they need to go back to that time, which starts tonight.  Winter seems thrilled.

Eric gives an emotional speech to Immortal (including the Jarretts for once), saying that he didn’t think it would end like this.  Hogan will be here later and will explain things.  Immortal wants to know what happens to them as Bischoff leaves.

Miss Tessmacher vs. Angelina Love

Love vs. James at the PPV.  Tessmacher gets a pair of rollups within the first ten seconds for two each.  Angelina starts no selling stuff and hammers away on Tessmacher.  Cross body gets two for Tessmacher but Love knocks her to the floor.  Side slam is kind of dropped and Angelina rams her into the corner a few times.  Tessmacher fires back but takes forever setting up a victory roll and gets countered.  A reverse DDT into a backbreaker ends this at 3:35.

Rating: D+. Tessmacher isn’t much in the ring but thankfully they’ve figured that out, letting her more or less being a stripper and only be out there for her looks.  Not the worst match ever but really just par for the course with a weak Knockout against a decent one.  At least Tessmacher looked hot.

Post match Angelina chokes Tessmacher until Winter pulls her off.

Mr. Anderson vs. Eric Young

This is billed as Sting vs. the Not-So-Great Muta.  This feud was what, 22 years ago?  I know TNA is supposed to be an alternative to the kids show, but anyone under about 25 isn’t going to remember the original feud.  And yet it’s somehow better than Disco Inferno last week.  Anderson does slow motion Stinger Splashes in the corner while Young stands around.  Young goes to leave but Anderson stops him and overacts on everything.  Young’s face paint looks like Darth Maul.  Splash misses in the corner and Young fights back with a forearm for two.

Belly to belly gets two as does a crucifix.  Anderson tries to fight back and hits a reverse neckbreaker for two.  Young actually hits the moonsault for two and here’s Gunner.  The referee makes the stop and it allows Young to spit green mist at Anderson and a small package gets the pin at 3:58.  That’s an upset I guess, but not as big a one as they’re making it out to be.  The winner is announced as the Not-So-Great Muta.

Rating: C. For a comedy match, this wasn’t all that bad.  Young’s impression was pretty much dead on Muta, but I don’t really get the point in having the midcard champion be an impersonator like this.  It was entertaining, but I’m also not sure what the point of this is from Anderson’s perspective.  Is this supposed to tick Sting off or be rude to him?  By saying you had some great feuds in the past?  I don’t really get how that’s insulting.

Gunner and Anderson beat down Young post match until Sting makes the save.

Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian

Winner gets Abyss for the X-Title at the PPV.  They shake hands pre-match to establish that they’re both good guys.  Very technical back and forth stuff to start us off here as neither guy can get an extended advantage.  Release gutwrench suplex puts Kendrick down and we head to the floor.  Brian misses a dive and Kaz takes over.  Back in the ring a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Kaz.

Kaz takes over completely, hitting a leg lariat for two.  Off to a cross arm pulling hold by Kazarian to give them a quick breather.  Kendrick gets a kick to the face to switch momentum and a missile dropkick gets two.  Moonsault misses for Kendrick but an enziguri puts Kaz down.  Sliced Bread #2 is countered into a neckbreaker for two for Kaz.  Good match so far.

Fade to Black doesn’t work so Kendrick kicks his head off with a superkick.  Frog splash gets knees though and a Shining Wizard puts Kendrick on the floor.  They trade two counts back in the ring as neither guy can take advantage again.  With a rollup the bell rings for a time limit draw at 7:57.  Dude, seriously?  You can’t give them an extra two minutes and three seconds for the sake of people who, I don’t know, might have looked at a clock before the match?

Thankfully they’re given five more minutes.  They both hit cross bodies at the same time and both guys are down.  And never mind as here comes Abyss to beat them both up for the DQ at a minute into the overtime so the total time is approximately 9:00.

Rating: B. Ok even though TNA can’t tell time apparently, this was one of the best TV matches I’ve seen in a long time.  This is what you can get with two young and talented guys that are out there working hard and giving you a good match.  I enjoyed this, even though the ending was rather stupid.  Very good match.

Here’s AJ to call out Ray.  He calls the Impact Zone his house so here’s Ray to rebut.  Ray says Daniels and AJ didn’t beat him last week.  They beat Dreamer, who was another weak partner apparently.  Ray says that AJ is everything he hates in a modern pro wrestler.  Instead of playing on a laptop, AJ needs to be in a strip club, getting a lap dance.

AJ says Ray is rather, ahem, small, which freaks Ray out.  Styles says that a bully is like a bully: you only have to pop it once to get rid of it.  A last man standing match is made for Slammiversary.  That could be good.  Ray asks if AJ knows what he’s getting himself into.  AJ asks if Ray knows what he’s getting into.  Not bad here.

Jeff Jarrett/Scott Steiner vs. Matt Morgan/Kurt Angle

They do the Karen in a chair thing to kill some time before the match starts.  Actually they completely throw her out.  Angle vs. Steiner start but Morgan and Jarrett are tagged in less than five seconds after the bell.  Jeff has black in his tights now.  Ok let’s tag it out again and have Steiner vs. Angle.  There’s a minute down in this match.  Angle gets a belly to belly and it’s off to Jarrett again rather quickly.

There’s the ankle lock but Jeff kicks off and Angle tags out also.  Headbutt takes Jarrett down and it’s off to Kurt again.  Oh never mind as we need to cut to the back to see Hogan being handed papers by Bischoff.  Back and Jeff hits an enziguri on Angle and brings in Steiner.  At this point, Impact officially has had more wrestling than NXT had this past week and it only took them an extra hour.

Steiner gets a belly to belly on Angle for two and it’s off to Jeff again.  Lots of tagging in this match.  It’s Sting/Young vs. Gunner/Anderson next week.  Stroke attempt is countered into an ankle lock but Jeff reverses again and both guys are down.  Off to Morgan and Steiner with Morgan claiming the advantage in the battle of alliteration.

Michinoku Driver gets two for Morgan as Jarrett saves.  Kurt and Jeff fight up the ramp and it’s an ankle lock on the stage, broken up by Karen.  We don’t bother watching the ring at this point but Jeff knocks Kurt into Karen and apparently she fell down a flight of stairs.  In the ring Steiner pins Morgan at 6:34 with a move we didn’t see at all.

Rating: C. Just a main event tag match here that was about a minute of nothing but tagging to start.  The ending…well….we have no idea what it was so it might have been good I guess.  Steiner hit Morgan low but there was a long delay between that and the pin so that probably wasn’t the pin.  Either way, just a main event tag here but nothing too bad.

Angle yells down at Jeff, saying it’s Jeff’s fault and we need paramedics.

Back and Karen is put in an ambulance as the announcers are all serious.

Here are Bischoff and Hogan.  Bischoff talks about Foley and how he’s known him for 19 years.  Foley could always talk but in the ring he couldn’t do much.  Foley is a puppet master because he’s made a career out of having a sock on his hand.  Hogan starts talking now, saying that Eric is his partner and that’s all that matters.  Hogan opens the paper which he looked at earlier, apparently reading it the first time.  He reads the legal issues out loud and Foley is fired apparently.  So Bischoff read those papers ALL FREAKING NIGHT and he never saw that part?  Hogan and Bischoff hug to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Well it wasn’t great, but this was miles ahead of what they had last week.  First and foremost the pacing was MUCH better.  There were no long breaks between matches and while there wasn’t much more wrestling, it was spaced out better which can make a huge difference.  Stuff was advanced this week and it was overall a much more entertaining show.  Better, but still not a great show or anything.

Results

Crimson b. Matt Hardy – Sky High

Angelina Love b. Miss Tessmacher – Reverse DDT into a backbreaker

Eric Young b. Mr. Anderson – Small Package

Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian went to a no contest when Abyss interfered

Scott Steiner/Jeff Jarrett b. Kurt Angle/Matt Morgan – Steiner pinned Morgan

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 26, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the second week of Impact Wrestling and hopefully tonight we’ll have a bit more actual wrestling rather than last week when there was as much on a regular episode of Impact.  Anyway we’re also going to have some more advance in the Sting vs. Anderson feud as last week Anderson laid the champion out.  Also if I remember right we’re going to get Hogan and Foley again tonight which is rather fun.  Anyway, let’s get to it.

An opening graphic says in memory of Randy Savage.  Classy.

Sting talks about being champion and we get a clip of Anderson jumping him last week as the old Sting.

We actually start with a match, called a tag team competition by Christy.

Tommy Dreamer/Bully Ray vs. Christopher Daniels/AJ Styles

This is a street fight.  Tonight there’s going to be something called the Scorpion Sitdown which is Sting’s interview segment.  AJ is still in a neckbrace so he can barely move here.  This is a smaller one though and looks like a big pad.  We start on the floor in a big brawl.  Ray vs. Daniels is going on at ringside while Dreamer and AJ head into the crowd.  AJ manages to throw Dreamer off a small balcony and dives on him to take out both guys.  Daniels busts out some weapons in the ring and beats Ray down with them.

BME eats a boot as at least AJ is back at ringside.  Rock Bottom gets two for Ray but he walks into a Pele.  Dreamer is back in the ring also.  The neck brace comes off as Immortal takes over.  Neckbreaker hits for Ray and Dreamer adds one of his own.  Daniels is still down so this is more or less open season on AJ.  Daniels goes down again as they keep showing replays.  Daniels gets back in time to break up a spike Piledriver and kills Ray with a kendo stick.  Spike Piledriver with Daniels doing the spiking ends Dreamer at 5:00.

Rating: C. Not bad for a brawl here but how weak does Immortal look when they can’t even beat a guy with a bad neck after working on his neck?  Anyway not bad but I kind of wonder what the point is in having AJ doing an injury angle when he can wrestle through it without any real issues.  Either way, nice to start off with a match.

Hogan is here.

Time for the Scorpion Sitdown and it’s Anderson as Sting.  Nothing like a talking segment on a WRESTLING show right?  Anderson says that it’s a sitdown because he’s too old to wrestle.  Remember that he’s talking as Sting.  His guest: Disco Inferno.  He’s a guy that was with Sting throughout WCW despite them never interacting that I remember.  Disco doesn’t get why he’s here but he’ll tell Anderson the truth about Sting.

Anderson randomly shouts during Disco’s talk and Disco gets ticked off at him.  Disco says that whether you liked Sting or not, he commanded respect.  Everyone grew up loving him and that’s all there is to it.  Anderson gets all annoyed and says that Disco is here to bury Sting and that’s the entire point.  Disco wants to know why Anderson is a jerk.  He even says it into the mic and gets up.  And there’s a Mic to the head and a Mic Check to Disco.  The real Sting comes off to run Anderson off.

Eric Young, still with the TV Title, goes into a bathroom and Gunner jumps him but Young has an idea.  Young will lay down tonight and Gunner will get the TV Title belt back while Young will get his old world title back.  Young leaves and Gunner calls him an idiot.

Velvet calls out ODB, saying she’s got a little explaining to do.  Well she looks better than Desi Arnaz.  ODB comes out and says Velvet got her fired last year.  Velvet says she’s worked her way here and ODB says she’s gotten here on her back.  Since Velvet hasn’t ever even been Knockouts Champion she must not be that good in the sack.  ODB drills her and the beating is on.  Velvet more or less runs and Velvet still doesn’t get what’s going on.

Video on RVD vs. Angle tonight which they’re trying to make seem like a huge level match.

Back from a break and we recap the ending to last week’s show with Roode having his arm destroyed by Immortal.

Beer Money is in Bischoff’s office and the doctor says Roode is kind of iffy about being able to wrestle.  They have a tag title match at Slammiversary and it’s 30 days for a defense so if the titles aren’t defended the belts will be stripped.  Storm says it’s a torn pectoral so he won’t be cleared in three weeks.  Bischoff has to know by the end of next week and says he might appoint a replacement.  Bischoff suggests that the Hillbilly Jesus (Storm) go get some manure and put it on Roode’s arm to heal it.  Storm threatens Bischoff and Bischoff says do it and you’ll never work again.  The champs leave and that’s that.

We actually get a clip from Xplosion where Pope hit on D-Von’s wife and D-Von wasn’t happy with it.  Pope says D-Von needs to chill.

Angle is with Morgan in the back as I guess wrestling matters so much they’re afraid to have any of it in case it gets wasted.  Angle says watch out for Karen.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Matt Morgan

I guess the competition thing is going to be a regular thing.  Supposed to sound real perhaps?  Karen is on crutches and looks very good in blue.  Before the match Jeff grabs a chair to give Karen something to sit in.  Earl doesn’t like it and throws Karen out.  Oh wait he’s allowing Karen to sit but she has to sit at the end of the ramp.  Jeff gets a thumb to the eye very early and hits a top rope cross body for two.

That goes nowhere and it’s time for the elbows in the corner to give Morgan control.  Side slam gets two.  Carbon Footprint misses in the corner and Jeff works on the leg.  Fallaway Slam gets two as another cross body doesn’t work.  Karen comes down to ringside as Morgan gets a Michinoku Driver of all things for two.

And never mind as Karen gives him the crutch and a shot with that sets up the Stroke for only two.  Thought that was the ending.  Jeff jumps into a chokeslam but Morgan instead shifts into an atomic drop.  Carbon Footprint hits but Karen hits Hebner in the knee with the crutch.  Scott Steiner comes in and hits a Downward Spiral to Morgan and that’s good for the pin at 3:06.  Dang it I have to rate it.

Rating: D+. More or less nothing here but the nice little swerve there was pretty good as I thought the Stroke would end it.  Steiner vs. Morgan is nothing I’m fired up about seeing as it seems like a step down for Morgan as he was talking about wanting the world title.  Either way though, not a terrible match but WAY too short with way too much going on in just three minutes.

We recap Foley being revealed as Network Executive and Bischoff going after the X-Division last week.

Bischoff is in the ring and is all smiley.  Apparently Hogan had a great week with the network last week in New York as Bischoff predicted.  Here’s Hogan who is the leader of Impact Wrestling apparently.  Hogan says that the Network has given him authority to run this show.  Oh joy.  He pitched a bunch of ideas to the executives so now they think he’s a genius.  Hogan wants to talk about Bischoff for a minute because he’s proud of what Bischoff did to the X-Division.

Here’s Foley who doesn’t need an invitation apparently because he’s a network executive.  All Hogan did was tick the Network off apparently because after Hogan left, Foley explained that the X Division put it on the map and we’re going to expand it.  He’s going to go around the world finding new X-Division talent for an Ultimate X match.  Oh and Foley has power regarding PPV because they promote the PPVs.  Wouldn’t that give them control over all of the companies that advertise on Spike TV?

Hogan says Foley should do something for the X-Division tonight, like challenge for the X-Division Title.  Bischoff gets WAY too excited about that but before Foley can answer here’s Brian Kendrick and his X buddies.  He talks in his poetic speak and more or less asks for Foley’s title shot tonight.  They’re here to get rid of the reptilians that have acquired power apparently.  This was very tedious to say the least.

Winter is rubbing Angelina’s back and says that everything is about to change and they’re going to fulfill the promise they made to each other in another lifetime.  I shutter to think where this is going to go.

Winter vs. Mickie James

Non-Title here.  Tenay acknowledges that the Winter/Angelina thing goes back centuries, which makes me think this is going to get very stupid very fast.  Northern Lights Suplex gets two for Winter as she takes over.  Scratch that as Mickie gets a snapmare and a seated dropkick to set up a rana out of the corner.  Flapjack sets up a nipup and after countering the spin out Rock Bottom Mickie hits the jumping DDT for the pin at 2:18.  No rating due to shortness but this was just a step ahead of a squash.

Angelina destroys Mickie post match due to Winter having some blood on her chin.

Abyss says he’s going to destroy Kendrick tonight.  He’s reading Art of War again and has Janice with him.  Someone with long hair that we can’t see jump him.  Oh it’s Kaz and he takes Janice with him.

X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Abyss

Abyss is all banged up due to the attack by Kaz.  Kendrick dives through the ropes with a kick that kind of hits to get us going.  Abyss charges into the steps and we go into the ring.  Amazingly enough they actually reference Abyss being a former world champion and say he’s the second Grand Slam winner.  I haven’t heard them reference that reign in years.

Abyss takes over and crushes Kendrick in the corner with an avalanche.  The beatdown commences but Kendrick counters a gorilla press slam and fires off some dropkicks.  Missile dropkick puts him down for two.  Brian goes up again but gets knocked off as Abyss hits the ropes.  Black Hole Slam and we’re done at 4:13.

Rating: D+. Not much here at all as Kendrick looks like a jobber all over again.  I guess we’re waiting on some savior of the X-Division to pop up, which might be AJ or Kaz.  Either way, something tells me Abyss is going to be champion and destroy random people for a few weeks to come.  Not horrible, but really nothing here at all.

Abyss rants about the Art of War some more.

Same RVD vs. Angle video from earlier.

Angle says the main event is a big match.

TV Title: Eric Young vs. Gunner

Young has the title itself because Gunner stole back the wrong belt last week.  I guess the whole “one is black and one is red” thing is too hard to keep track of.  They reenact the Fingerpoke of Doom but Young rolls him up for the pin and the title at 32 seconds.  Whatever man, whatever.

The Jarretts come out for the main event on commentary.

Rob Van Dam vs. Kurt Angle

We also get big match intros to kill even more time.  Jeff talks about how RVD is his handpicked opponent as RVD kicks Angle to the floor.  RVD hammers away but walks into a suplex.  A snap variety gets two for Kurt and we hit a reverse grip to waste some time.  They majority of this match is spent on a split screen so we can see the Jarretts talk while the wrestlers lay around.  RVD gets his top rope kick for two.  Angle gets a slam and both guys go down.

There’s been more laying around in this match than actual wrestling.  Ankle lock goes on and RVD is thinking about tapping.  He kicks out of it but the Five Star misses.  Angle Slam actually gets the fall on the first attempt at 7:36.  Yes, this epic five star first time ever main event didn’t even make it 8 minutes and is the longest match of the night so far.  Give me a break.

Rating: C-. This was built up as being an epic match and it was about 8 minutes of them laying around pretending that this was a huge match.  The camera was on the Jarretts about half the match which isn’t helping anyone at all.  Weak main event and the proper ending to one of the worst shows I can remember in a very long time.

Overall Rating: F+. I absolutely could not stand this show.  The wrestling was bad, nothing really was advanced, and the whole wrestling matters concept was more or less thrown out completely.  This was a terribly dull show as they had forty minutes between the first two matches and twenty between the second and third.  There’s no reason to have them just talk that entire time.  The main event was just ok after all that buildup and that doesn’t make up for two hours of nonsense before it.  Terrible show with more or less nothing happening at all.  The longest match was 7:36.  Let that sink in for a bit.

Results

Christopher Daniels/AJ Styles b. Bully Ray/Tommy Dreamer – Spike Piledriver to Dreamer

Jeff Jarrett b. Matt Morgan – Pin after a Downward Spiral from Scott Steiner

Mickie James b. Winter – Jumping DDT

Abyss b. Brian Kendrick – Black Hole Slam

Eric Young b. Gunner – Small Package

Kurt Angle b. Rob Van Dam – Angle Slam

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 19, 2011
Location: Impact Wrestling Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: Back From The Dead

It’s the first show of a new era this week as WRESTLING MATTERS apparently.  It should be very interesting to see how the show has changed in this new world of the company emphasizing wrestling.  Also it’s time for the fallout from Sacrifice which should be interesting as we have Slammiversary set with Sting vs. Anderson for the title.  Lot to get to tonight so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Angle/Chyna vs. the Jarretts on Sunday as well as the main event with some quick soundbytes from the winners.

There’s a new intro and color scheme as it’s now blue and a silver/gray.  The arena looks different too and it’s a nice change.

Here’s Immortal to open the show minus Jarrett or Hogan.  Bischoff says he and Hogan should be credited for all of the changes.  He runs down Foley, saying if it had been his decision it would have been Thumbtacks Matter instead of Wrestling.  Hogan and Foley are in New York apparently having meetings.  Immortal is in charge tonight and they’ll take care of anyone that gets in their way tonight.

Here’s Kendrick and the X guys, including Gen Me and Amazing Red.  Kendrick says that it’s odd to see a non-wrestler complaining about wrestlers get in his way.  Kendrick runs Bischoff down, talking about how he’s leeched off this business forever through backstabbing and phony friends.  Oh and Bully is fat.

Bischoff meets them in the aisle and says tonight the X Division is ending.  Kazarian is going to defend the X-Division Title against Abyss.  Red is going to get Joe and Generation Me, who are no longer fighting it seems, get Matt Hardy….and Bischoff.  He even calls them vanilla midgets.  Kendrick wants a match too, so Bischoff slaps him in the head and the brawl is on.

Fourtune minus AJ comes out and it’s the big brawl of the week.  The good guys seem to stand tall but the fight continues in the aisle.  They’re not done yet as Flair throws the jacket and they start it up again.  The X Guys hit dives on Immortal and the fight continues.  This has been going for a few minutes now so it’s a rather extended brawl.  They get split up and Flair says he wants to talk to Roode later tonight.

Sarita/Rosita/Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James/Miss Tessmacher/Tara

Mexican America comes out for commentary on this.  Rosita vs. Mickie to start us off as we go split screen to see the commentators.  I mention this because the new logo/scheme has what looks like blue flames or smoke and they were rapidly moving on the split screen so it was a bit disctracting.  Anyway the evildoers take over with some triple teaming but Mickie manages to tag in Tara to fight Madison.  Instead Madison runs and brings in Sarita.

Tessmacher comes in and continues to only be worth her looks.  For some reason she runs into the corer of Mexican America to hit the ropes so she gets tripled teamed also.  Madison runs from Tara some more so Tara beats up Rosita a bit.  Everything breaks down and Tara almost gets to Madison, only to send Rosita into Tara who ends Rosita with a chokebomb at 4:05.

Rating: D+. This was rather sloppy the whole time as it’s obvious that at least one of the girls is there because of how she looks in tiny shorts.  Other than that, nothing of note here at all as I guess we’re setting up Madison vs. Tara which is the logical way to go.  Hard to complain when I guess Sarita is the worst looking chick out there though.

Sting is here in his old tights and gear apparently but we only see his legs.

X-Division Title: Abyss vs. Kazarian

Bischoff gives Abyss a pep talk before the match, basically saying kill him and also quoting Sun Tzu.  Power vs. speed since the beginning as the announcers talk about how this could be the last X Division Title match ever if Abyss wins the belt.  Abyss takes him down with power and cranks on the neck but Kaz fights back, only to walk into a chokeslam attempt.  That doesn’t work and Kaz gets a springboard dropkick to take Abyss down.

Kaz cranks things up with a rana, an elbow and a legdrop, all off the ropes and resulting in a two count.  Chokeslam is countered again into a victory roll for two but Kaz gets caught in Shock Treatment to shift the momentum right back to Abyss.  Vader Bomb totally misses and may have hurt his knee.  Kaz charges into a big boot as Abyss was apparently faking and the Black Hole Slam gives Abyss the only title he’s never won at 5:05.  Tazz says the internet is burning up because of that.  Abyss quotes Sun Tzu post match.

Rating: C+. Just a David vs. Goliath match but with a nice little twist of Abyss outsmarting Kaz when he couldn’t beat him with just straight power.  I’m thinking this might actually be the beginning of the end for the division as there really isn’t much of a point to the thing at the moment.  The TV Title is fine for a midcard title and despite the whole no limits thing, it’s almost always been seen as a Cruiserweight Title.  Anyway, not a bad match but nothing of note at all.

Gunner wants his belt back.

Samoa Joe vs. Amazing Red

Red looks scared but charges anyway, only to get slammed straight down and hammered in the corner.  Red gets in a shot or two and it means nothing at all.  Musclebuster and we’re done in 47 seconds.

Joe beats on Red post match until Crimson comes down for the save.  Are he and Red still brothers?

Here’s AJ who is in a neck brace and wants to talk to Tommy Dreamer.  Here’s Dreamer in sunglasses.  Apparently Storm has a concussion from the brawl earlier.  AJ is in the brace for a few weeks because of the Piledriver on Sunday.  AJ says that this is about Dreamer wanting to have a contract and how he’s there against his will.  Dreamer interprets this as AJ saying Dreamer can’t beat him.

Dreamer talks about how he’s a veteran that doesn’t have anything handed to him and drills Dreamer, saying he sold out and that AJ is as worthless as all these fans that always want more.  The fight is on and AJ’s neck goes out again until Daniels comes out for the save.  Dreamer and Daniels brawl but Bully Ray comes out and drills AJ with the chain clothesline and Daniels is taken down by a low blow from Dreamer and a big boot from Ray.  AJ takes another Piledriver from Dreamer as we go to a break.

A fan says he’s excited.

Sting says his focus is Hogan and Bischoff still.  He’s in his traditional gear here.

The “original” Sting is seen from the back, making Tenay call shenanigans.

Here’s Kurt who says he’s in a much better mood because Karen is gone thanks to Chyna.  Karen has a broken ankle apparently but Chyna isn’t here tonight.  Angle vs. Jarrett again at Slammiversary in a #1 contenders match according to Foley it seems.  Here comes Jeff who says that this is one last time but he wants to know why Kurt gets the shot at all.  Karen shouldn’t be blamed apparently and it should all be on Kurt.  Jeff never got distracted because he’s better than Kurt.  Naturally there’s going to be a stipulation for the match at the PPV: if Jeff wins, he gets the gold medal.

They shake on it but Jeff’s music hits again.  Karen pops up through the stage like Angle does in a wheelchair.  She runs her mouth and Velvet Sky pops up behind her.  Velvet shoves Karen down the ramp and she crashes into Jeff, falling out of the chair.  Velvet’s music plays as the Jarretts regroup.

Gen Me says blood is thicker than water and they’re united tonight.

Bischoff gets a call from Hogan and tells him about the match tonight.  Apparently Hogan was successful in New York.

Back and the Jarretts complain some more.  Apparently Velvet faces Winter and Angelina tonight.

Generation Me vs. Matt Hardy/Eric Bischoff

No entrance for Gen Me.  Matt vs. Jeremy to start us off and Matt uses his size advantage to take over.  Gen Me speeds things up as is their custom and work on Matt’s arm.  Matt takes over for a bit but since it’s more or less a handicap match, Gen Me takes over again with double teaming.  Poetry in Motion to Matt and Jeremy takes him down with a spear.

Matt fights back but both guys do down.  Matt wants a tag and Bischoff freaks, allowing Jeremy to hit a frog splash to Matt’s back for two.  450 attempt eats knees as we’re told that Foley and Hogan will be here next week.  Ice Pick, that double underhook chokeout by Matt has Max out cold so Bischoff comes in for a kick and the academic pin at 6:07.

Rating: D. The match sucked and the burial/elimination of the X Division continues.  I’m not complaining, but at the same time is there a reason that on a show about the rebirth of wrestling to have Eric Bischoff get a pin?  The match itself was bad on top of that but I’ve seen worse.  The Bucks using high spots is always a plus.

Angelina is still in a trance and Winter has candles everywhere.  She says that it’ll be like it was before and kisses Angelina incredibly gently as they’re up next.

Angelina Love/Winter vs. Velvet Sky

Winter starts but Angelina is tagged in almost immediately.  Angelina still can’t be hurt apparently as she shoves Velvet into the corner and brings Winter back in.  Kick to the back gets two for Velvet.  Next week Angle and Jeff will be in the ring and pick each other’s opponents.  Jeff picked RVD apparently.  Velvet fights them both off and puts a chinlock on Angelina which gets her nowhere for the most part.

Angelina takes her down with a clothesline and next week it’s AJ/Daniels vs. Ray/Dreamer.  The implied lesbians tag in and out a lot and Velvet is in trouble.  Winter gets a spinning backbreaker and Angelina is brought back in again.  She moves all slowly and gets rolled up by Sky in a small package for the pin at 4:30.

Rating: D+. The match was pretty weak as Velvet is there to look hot and yell a lot and that’s about it.  Angelina plays that zombie roll to perfection, but I wish this angle would get somewhere already as it’s been going for months and we barely know anything at all.  Weak match as again they keep things short for the Knockouts, which is probably a good idea actually.

Post match ODB returns and beats up Velvet for no apparent reason.

Tessmacher is doing a photo shoot but Eric is the photographer and doesn’t have a camera.  He shows her how to do this by stripping down to his boxers and posing.  Gunner pops up and Eric wants to talk about respect.  Gunner hammers on him and leaves as Young says good job of working together bro.

Here’s Flair to call out Robert Roode.  Flair is ticked off about giving up to end Lethal Lockdown.  Roode says that was a war, not a wrestling match.  Flair says if the shoe was on the other foot, Roode would have been put out of wrestling.  Flair rants about mentoring Beer Money and how to be a man outside the ring also when it comes to getting drunk and getting laid.  Roode is going to be a man long after Flair leaves and that it’s now his time, not Flair’s.  Flair has changed colors in a matter of seconds.

Flair wants Roode to break his shoulder again right now and Roode says it’s over.  Flair says it isn’t and slaps Roode.  Roode grabs him and throws on the armbar again but here comes Immortal.  Remember that all of Fourtune has been taken out tonight already.  They get him down with relative ease and Ray whips him with the chain.  Ray tells Abyss to get two chairs and they do something similar to hammering a nail into Roode’s arm, probably breaking it.

Sting and Old Sting are up next.

Here comes Sting, as in the real Sting.  He says that he wants to praise RVD and that he got by on the skin of his teeth last Sunday.  His focus is still on Hogan and Bischoff and taking power from them.  Less than sixty seconds after he won on Sunday here was Anderson to jump him.  There go the lights and of course it’s Anderson in the old school attire.  He gets a bat shot and a Death Drop to Sting to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I really was disappointed in tonight’s show.  This was supposed to be TNA’s big emergence as the wrestling company and we get five matches, the longest clocking in at just over six minutes, one being a total squash and two promos to end the show.  Also, Eric Bischoff gets to pin someone.  I don’t see how this is supposed to help anything as Immortal continues to have virtually no authority and yet is pushed to the moon time after time.  Tommy Dreamer is a full fledged heel.  Let that sink in for a minute.  Anyway, weak show tonight to say the least and not a good sign for the future if this is an indication.

Results

Tara/Miss Tessmacher/Mickie James b. Rosita/Sarita/Madison Rayne – Tara pinned Rosita after a Chokebomb

Abyss b. Kazarian – Black Hole Slam

Samoa Joe b. Amazing Red – Musclebuster

Eric Bischoff/Matt Hardy b. Generation Me – Bischoff pinned Max Buck after a kick to the head

Velvet Sky b. Angelina Love/Winter – Small Package to Love

Impact
Date:  May 12, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: The Network’s Revenge

Tonight is a big night for TNA as we find out the identities of both Kurt Angle’s mistress and the network executive.  It should be remembered that last week Sting said a network representative would be here and not necessarily the network representative, so there’s no guarantee this ends tonight.  Oh and Sacrifice is Sunday.  I’m sure we’ll fit that in somewhere if we have time.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a shot of Hogan with his pipe, waiting for the Network representative.  Bischoff comes up and says that he needs to think this through, not beat it out of them.  They should play the game but play to win.

We get a video on the Jarretts and Angle’s mistress.  That transitions into Hogan and Bischoff going through a few possible identities of the representative.

Here are the Jarretts to open the show.  They want a truce with Kurt and say that Karen could never hurt a fly.  It’s a crime to have anyone hurt Karen apparently.  Karen says she’s a good person and has been a good ex-wife.  Everything has been for Kurt, including the restraining order against him.

Here’s Kurt who says it’s done.  After ten years of marriage you would think she’d learn to not push him.  Karen is going to wind up taking Jeff for everything he’s worth before Jeff figures that out.  There’s going to be a mixed tag at Sacrifice between the Jarretts and Angle/the mistress.  Jeff knows who the chick is apparently, despite Angle saying two weeks ago that no one knew who she is.

Miss Tessmacher/Mickie James vs. Tara/Madison Rayne

All four girls looking especially hot tonight.  Tara and Mickie start us off with Tara acting respectful towards Mickie, namely due to the possibility of getting out of her contract with Madison.  Speaking of Madison she comes in being all evil to Mickie with a kick to the head.  Tessmacher comes in and quickly gets a victory roll to Madison for the clean pin at 2:11.  Can we just look at the girls for about two more hours?

Flair goes into Hogan’s office and Hogan rants at Flair, saying he’s the Network rep.  Flair says he was out with a shoulder injury and Hogan apologizes.

A black limo is here.

Tara wants to be free from Madison.  Madison comes up and hears the end of the rant and doesn’t like it.

Tommy Dreamer doesn’t want to talk but says it’s a personal thing.  The interviewer won’t shut up and AJ pops up, also demanding answers.  Tommy says AJ is too young to understand.  AJ says he’s a grown man with three kids and thinks it’s about EV 2.0.  Dreamer still won’t answer so AJ challenges him for Sacrifice.  Dreamer backs off and AJ calls him out on it.  Tommy says maybe no one ever knew him.  He asks what would Tommy Dreamer do, and Dreamer leaves.

Sting is doing a photo shoot with the title and says his hands are full with RVD.  The network person is here apparently.

Here’s Beer Money to find out who Matt’s mystery partner is, implying that it’s Jeff Hardy.  Matt comes out quickly and talks to Roode about calling out Hogan last week.  He gets on Roode for being a worthless drunk as I begin to chuckle.  Matt runs down Canadians like Roode and says he and his partner will win at Sacrifice.

Beer Money comes out to face Matt and James takes a long drink.  He says he’s the man that would walk into a bar, punch you in the face and leave with his girl.  The partner isn’t Jeff, but rather Storm’s old partner: Chris Harris.  WWE fans might remember him as Braden Walker, the guy that was on WWECW for about three weeks.  Harris stares Beer Money down as we go to a break.

Sangriento vs. Suicide

Rematch from last week.  Suicide jumps him to start but gets taken down with relative ease.  Corkscrew plancha to the floor by Sangriento and a dropkick back in the ring take Suicide down.  Suicide fights back as the announcers talk about the identity of the mistress.  Sangriento gets the same double spin kick that Amazing Red uses in the clip from the New York house show to Jay Lethal.

I guess he’s been watching his film (and yes I know who Sangriento is for those that don’t get tongue in cheek humor).  Tornado DDT by Sangriento gets two.  Suicide takes over again for a bit but the springboard cutter from last week returns, giving Sangriento the pin at 3:50.

Rating: C. Not bad here but too short to really get going.  Not sure what the point is to having more or less the exact same match from last week but it certainly wasn’t that bad.  It’s good to see Red getting something to do at least and a quick match like this helps fill in some time so no real complaints here.

Immortal’s leaders in the form of Hogan, Bischoff and Flair come out just after the match ends.  Flair kicks Suicide in the balls and sends him to the floor.  Hogan rants about the Network representative, saying he or she needs to get out here.  The reveal is after the break.

Back and the Jarretts are in the ring also with Jeff in wrestling gear.  And the representative is Mick Foley.  He talks very quickly, saying that Hogan’s plans started to unravel March 3^rd.  Foley piefaces Bischoff and says to Hogan to go ahead and drill him if you want to.  This show is no longer about Hogan but about wrestling.  This is no longer TNA Wrestling, but is rather Impact Wrestling.  The main event is now a 25 man battle royal for the #1 contender spot.

Foley is talking faster than I’ve ever heard him talk here.  Foley brings out Angle’s mistress/partner and it’s Chyna.  Yes, that Chyna.

We recap the segment we just saw and apparently the show is now called Impact Wrestling.  Not sure if the whole name for the company is changing or not.

Foley says wrestling matters here and is very energetic.  Chyna is next to him and he tells her about the main event and wants Chyna to be where Karen is.  Not a word from her yet.  Foley mentions the vague sexual tension between them for a nice throwback line.

Anderson is ticked off about Foley denying him his title shot but he’ll get it tonight.  I assume the winner gets the shot at the PPV after Sacrifice.

Crimson vs. Abyss vs. Samoa Joe

Crimson and Abyss hammer on each other as Joe chills for a bit.  And never mind as Joe hammers on both of them to take over.  Big boot and backsplash to Abyss but Crimson takes Joe down and gets a neckbreaker to Abyss.  Crimson and Joe hammer away on each other and Crimson grabs a cravate and fires in some knees.  Joe gets a powerslam but walks into the Black Hole Slam.  Crimson spears Abyss and steals the pin on Joe at 2:34.  No rating due to the length but this was fine.

Joe gets ready to jump Crimson but Abyss jumps Crimson before Joe does anything.  Joe says cool and leaves Abyss to beat on Crimson.  As Joe leaves he says you live by the sword and die by the sword.  Black Hole Slam to Crimson and Abyss’ bottom teeth are still missing from the kick by RVD.

RVD says he’ll be watching the battle royal for future information.

Battle Royal

25 people in this and more or less everyone you can think of of note in TNA is here.  Most of them are in the ring already so I’ll try to list them.  Everyone in Fourtune, Matt Hardy, Gunner, Jeff Jarrett, Bully Ray, Matt Morgan, British Invasion, Ink Inc, D-Von, Dreamer, Mexican America, Orlando Jordan, Anderson, Steiner, Angle, Eric Young, Robbie E, and I can’t figure out the 25^th.

Both British guys (Williams and Magnus) are out almost immediately due to Morgan.  Add Jordan to that list as well as Anarquia.  All four by Morgan’s hands.  Tenay says the show is now Impact Wrestling on Spike TV.  No word on if the company is still called TNA or not but I’d assume it is.  Young is on the floor but I don’t think he’s been eliminated.  Ah the 25^th is Pope.  That makes me feel better.

No eliminates for awhile now but a lot of the bigger names have come close.  Kaz slides back in as Morgan chokes on Shannon Moore.  There isn’t a ton to say in matches like these in the early going as it’s really just a lot of standing around.  There goes Neal and Shannon back to back thanks to Hernandez.  Morgan throws out his fifth guy in the form of Robbie E.

Eric keeps throwing him self over the top and bringing himself back in.  Then he throws out the TV Champion and eliminates himself.  Eric steals the TV Title and Gunner chases him out so I guess that’s Gunner’s first feud.  We take a break with that.  Back and no one seems to be gone that I can tell.  There appears to be about 15-17 people left.  Storm and Angle both save themselves.

Jarrett eliminates Kaz who might have hurt his knee.  Storm and Matt put each other out so Storm hammers on Matt a bit.  When the referees try to break the argument up Matt pulls Roode out.  Foley jumps in on commentary.  There goes Daniels and Pope is on the floor but not out, as is D-Von.  Morgan sends Hernandez out but Steiner puts out Morgan.  Ray surprises Steiner and we’re down to 8 it appears.

The final 8 are Ray, Anderson, Dreamer, Styles, Jarrett, Angle, D-Von and Pope.  Morgan and Steiner fight up the ramp while Ray pounds on Kurt’s knee.  Ray kicks D-Von in the head for old time’s sake and appears to dance a bit before kicking AJ in the head.  Dreamer is told by Ray to put AJ out.  Ray throw Angle but Kurt hangs on.  Pope fires elbows to D-Von’s head as apparently AJ vs. Dreamer is on for Sunday.

Pope goes to the apron and D-Von charges him, naturally getting caught and eliminated.  Kurt takes Pope out with a clothesline and we’re down to six as we take a break.  Back and only Ray is standing, just as everything was before the break.  Literally everyone is in the same place.  The final six are Jarrett, AJ, Ray, Angle, Anderson and Dreamer.  AJ goes off on Jarrett and Ray but Dreamer takes him down.  Ankle lock to Angle and Dreamer breaks that up also.  Dreamer manages to put AJ out of all things.  Ray puts Dreamer out for his troubles.  AJ drills Dreamer on the floor.

Anderson gets Ray to the apron but can’t get rid of him.  Angle can’t get Jarrett out and Ray makes the save.  Neckbreaker by Anderson takes Ray down and the two of them go to the floor through the ropes.  Angle vs. Jarrett alone with Angle taking over.  Karen saves Jeff from elimination but Kurt takes his head off with a clothesline.  Kurt goes after her and Jeff tosses him.

She gets in the ring as Jeff thinks he’s won but Anderson and Ray are still in it due to going through the ropes.  Chyna comes in and tosses Jeff.  Ray and Anderson both come back in and slug it out with Ray winning said battle.  Big clothesline takes Anderson down but Anderson fights back.  He can’t hit a Swanton as it eats knees.  They go to the apron but Anderson hangs on.  Ray goes for him, only to get slowly pulled out for the Anderson win at 28:10 total.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but battle royals are rather hard to grade.  Anderson winning was pretty obvious given the overcoming the odds deal but that’s fine.  This wasn’t too bad with a long build but the last six guys being in there were a big weak, especially guys like Dreamer and D-Von.  At least we have the next PPV main event set though.

Anderson talks post match, comparing himself to the Navy SEALS that took out bin Laden.  Bit of a stretch there but ok.

Sting says bring on Anderson.  RVD pops up and says not so fast as he’ll be facing Anderson.  Anderson pops up and says it can be either of them at Slammiversary.

Overall Rating: C+. This show was heavy on storyline tonight which is ok, especially when this was the culmination of some big stories.  Sacrifice actually feels like the end of a lot of things rather than just another stop, which is what TNA has been lacking lately.  Not a great show but pretty high on excitement.  The problem is that with so much time going to the main event we didn’t get to a lot of midcard stuff, but I guess that’s ok.  Pretty fun show overall and Sunday is looking good, which is a good sign.

Results

Mickie James/Miss Tessmacher b. Tara/Madison Rayne – Tessmacher pinned Rayne with a victory roll

Sangriento b. Suicide – Jumping Reverse Cutter

Crimson b. Samoa Joe and Abyss – Crimson pinned Joe after a Black Hole Slam

Mr. Anderson won a battle royal, last eliminating Bully Ray

It’s been about six months since this show and I thought it would be interesting to look back and see how things have gone since then.

Impact
Date: October 14, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz
Episode Title: THEY Have Arrived!!!

Well this is it. After four days of waiting we can finally get to the explanation from Jeff as to WHY he did what he did. This is something that is very important because you have the entire THEY angle riding on it. The importance of this show can’t be overblown as we begin the next chapter in TNA’s history.

The opening is likely to be about Jeff and THEY as well as set up the fairly obvious RVD vs. Jeff match, although I could see them postponing that one if need be. I’d also be interested in knowing how much actual wrestling we’ll have tonight but we’ll see. Let’s get to it.

We of course open with the recap of the ending of Bound For Glory.

Dixie’s attorney is here and as everyone thought we’re told that Dixie signed the contracts but they weren’t the ones she thought they were.

Hogan (still on crutches) and Bischoff are here to a MASSIVE pyro display. Of course Hogan is acting just like he did as a face. Tenay explains that Hogan and Bischoff now have the majority share of TNA….despite the fact that the attorney never said that.

Naturally Hogan gets a big face reaction with like two signs against him in the whole audience. Oh wait three fat chicks are booing. Well there’s a Hogan sucks chant so there’s something I suppose. Hogan wants Dixie here now. Apparently she promised him everything, much like Ted Turner did in 96. Hogan gets a text or something as he has his phone out and is messing with it.

Here we go: the explanation. It started with Abyss apparently and the Hall of Fame ring. Bischoff and Hogan knew why he randomly turned on Hogan. We bring him out and Hogan declares Abyss his son. THEY’RE HERE! Ok now that my pizzas are here we can get back. What did you think I meant by they?

None of the fans believed Abyss but they are now in control. The fans want RVD. Abyss follows them as Hogan and Bischoff’s soldier now. Hogan declares that Abyss with live forever and is now immortal. I think The Immortals might be the name. Eric brings out Jarrett. Wait was there an actual explanation in there for abyss? If there was I missed it.

Yeah this was no real surprise: he wanted control of his company back. I think that was the easiest of all to understand. And here’s FOURTUNE! Ok this just got good.

Flair talks to Hogan and says that Fourtune runs this company, not Hogan. LOUD Fourtune chant. One of them have to leave apparently. Hogan suggest him vs. Flair and it’s…..not on as they hug. Flair bows down to Hogan and it’s a massive Hogan orgy more or less. The explanation here makes sense though as Fourtune was mad at Dixie for bringing in EV. That actually makes sense. We get a reference to Flair’s five former ex wives and here comes Jeff!

No face paint here either. The fans think Jeff sold out. You can barely see the ropes with so many guys in there with him. He didn’t sell out but sold in. He blames the fans and doesn’t care about popularity. The fans drove him to this because he did everything with all those injuries for what?

And now it’s on to RVD. He’s the whole F’N reason Abyss took RVD out because RVD had to be gone for this to work. They are Immortal. Sting and Nash are watching in the back. Eric and Hogan offer them spots on the team. We go to a break 22 minutes into the show with them coming to the ring.

Security escorts Dixie….somewhere.

Nash and Sting come out and Sting is in street clothes which isn’t something you see that often. Tenay is already annoying. Eric says this is about money and all that jazz. Nash whispers to Sting and says this is perfect for him because it’s always been about money and him in his career. He’s gotten wiser though and quotes the Bible of all things, saying gray hair is a sign of wisdom. He’s passing on the money and if THEY want to run the company into the ground, they can do it without him. I’m surprised.

Sting says this isn’t what he came here for and says he’s here because he loves TNA. He’s shouting the whole time mind you. Sting points to Hogan, Bischoff and Flair (I think) and says this is a no win situation, turning them down. Allegedly both of these guys are leaving TNA with Nash being permanent and Sting possibly being permanent. Bischoff says they can come back anytime. Hogan’s music plays the segment to an end at 9:32.

We cut to the back where Sting and Nash leave but Pope isn’t happy with it. They offer him a place in the car out with them but he’s staying to fight the fight which they’re cool with. Dixie comes up to them and says they can’t leave her. Sting says what everyone thought: if she had listened this wouldn’t be happening. She says he was cryptic. Dixie, he sent crows down at the NWO to demand a title match one night. He’s a weird guy.

Hogan and Bischoff come up to Dixie and she slaps the heck out of Bischoff. She tells Hogan to look her in the eye and tell her he didn’t screw her. He says we’ll talk about this in HIS office as we go to another break.

In the office we have MORE talking. Bischoff smokes a cigar and Hogan flat out tells her that he screwed her out of the company. This is a big Hogan ego trip of course. Hogan and Bischoff both say this is their company. Hogan has had enough and so has Dixie. She tells her security guards to get rid of them but they work for Hogan too. Dixie’s husband SURGE gets knocked out and we take ANOTHER break.

Some hot chick in a BMW shows up. And we’re just not going to talk about this at all. Ok then. Ah ok it’s the Jersey Short chick.

Madison comes out with a referee as I’m guessing this is going to be about Tara. She yells about how Tara has HER title. She wants a match RIGHT NOW. Here’s Tara, looking GOOD. Madison says they had a deal and apparently we’re getting a match….at 9:50pm.

Knockouts Title: Tara vs. Madison Rayne

And Tara lays down so Madison can pin her. I kid you not.

Madison celebrates and here’s Mickie to talk some more. She wants a title shot RIGHT NOW but Madison sends Tara after her. Mickie sends her running and stares her down.

J-Woww from Jersey Shore comes in and talks to the Beautiful People. Apparently she’s an honorary BP tonight.

Back from break and they’re still looking for Cookie. This results in Eric Young freaking out about J-Woww. Jordan comes up and nothing of note happens.

And here’s Angle for MORE talking. No music, no intro, nothing like that. He talks about how he’s all banged up but wants to know why Hogan and Bischoff screwed him before he officially retires. Angle says what we all expected him to say: he didn’t win but he didn’t get pinned either. Cue Jarrett’s music and here he is.

Jarrett more or less calls bull on what Angle is saying. He takes a jab at Angle being an ex-husband (the real meaning being that Jarrett literally married Angle’s wife and not in kayfabe). Angle says he put TNA on the map. Uh, not quite Kurt. He says Jarrett held down everyone but couldn’t hold Angle down.

Kurt Angle, the man that held the tag titles, X-Division and World titles at the same time is talking about holding others down. Jarrett says taking Angle’s career meant more than destroying his life. Angle goes for him and the security guards take him down and handcuff him. The beatdown is on. Uh, Joe anyone?

TAZ of all people comes out of the broadcast booth and calls off Jarrett and says that he has a censored up (censored of course) neck. Old school Taz chant takes us to another break.

70 minutes in, 6 seconds of “wrestling.”

Joe talks (shocking isn’t it) about Jarrett on a tape from Monday, still in Daytona. He’s coming for Jarrett of course.

GOOD NIGHT  IT’S A MATCH! And it’s Abyss. Oh joy.

Abyss vs. Samoa Joe

Yeah they’re officially called Immortal. Well ok then. Joe beats the heck out of him first and beats him into the corner. Chokeslam takes him down and Joe is in trouble. He goes to get a chair but Joe hits a suicide dive into the chair which more or less didn’t hit Abyss’s head at all but he stays down anyway. Sure why not? Bell to the head and we’re done in two minutes. No rating. RVD comes down for the save.

Wait, why didn’t Joe come down and massacre Jeff like 5 minutes ago?

Hey look RVD wants to talk. It’s about Hardy which makes sense. Jeff pops up on the screen and says it was an illusion as he brought RVD as close to him as he could and then destroyed him. Well ok so he told Abyss to destroy him. Hardy says he’s the Anti-Christ of wrestling. WOW.

Bischoff comes out and says if RVD wants Hardy at Turning Point he has to beat Anderson tonight, winner gets the shot.

Back from a break Tessmacher is propositioned by Bischoff for “a meeting later at his place”. He snaps on her and calls her easy. Bischoff knows about Nash and Pope apparently. She’s fired from the Knockouts authority job and can either wrestle or leave. Anderson comes up and declares Bischoff a douchebag and squeezes his hand really hard saying that Bischoff won’t win this war.

D’Angeol Dinero vs. Fourtune

Yep it’s 1 vs. 5 here. Morgan and Flair aren’t in this. Total dominance here of course but it’s better than more talking I suppose. AJ misses the Pele and kicks Kaz which Pope gets two off of. DWI hits him and Kaz gets the pin. Another short match so no grade.

Ad for Turning Point where Angle is named specifically as being there. Nice one guys.

Here’s The Shore to get on my nerves and be booed out of the building. They point out that this is on at the same time as Jersey Shore because that’s how TNA works. Cue up the Beautiful People and J-Woww. Cookie and J-Woww argue as usual and Cookie says go back to the hole you came from. You know, the same one she’s from. Catfight, Shore bails. 15k for a minute long segment and an EY joke.

We recap things to kill time so we can run over into ReAction as always.

Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam

No mic time for Anderson here as he’s mad. The bell rings at about 11pm as we just HAD to have a commercial as RVD made his entrance. Make that 11:01. Naturally to see the main event of Impact you have to watch ReAction. So would that mean the winner got the win on Impact or ReAction? Winner gets Hardy at the PPV mind you.

Basic stuff to start as Van Dam hits a moonsault off the apron to kick Anderson in the head, which might have been how he injured his head and Impact is OVER! And now REACTION has started and we didn’t miss a thing and it serves no purpose but screw that who cares? If you want to see the Impact main event, don’t watch Impact!

After I have a psychotic episode over the stupidity of some of the things this company does, it’s still a boring match. Rolling Thunder is countered into a fireman’s carry and the split legged moonsault gets two. Five Star eats knees and both guys are down. And here’s Bischoff to screw us over. He tells the referee to come with him and here’s Hardy, holding his ribs with a chair.

Chair to RVD. Chair to Anderson. Pillmanizer on the arm of Anderson. Anderson curses a lot and rolls to the floor. That’s your ending by the way.

Rating: D+. Match was pretty weak due to the crowd knowing the ridiculous ending was coming. This match never really got off the ground or anything but it could have been worse. The guys knew the ending was coming and clearly didn’t get going until the very end as they were just going through the motions. Nothing bad really, but nothing particularly good.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a VERY subjective grade to put it mildly. This show can be looked at their get out of jail free card. It was the first show after their biggest show ever and a huge angle. The show as a stand alone show was atrocious. However, this was a show where a lot of talking was actually required.

The explanations that they gave needed to be done. I can understand that and I’m mostly ok with it. However there comes a point where you need some wrestling to get you through a show. Having the show revolve around one angle is fine and makes sense, but you really need some wrestling to go with it. As was said in the LD, even a 4 minute throw away match would have helped tremendously. One or two of those thrown in somewhere and this show goes WAY up.

As for doing what needed to be done tonight, they got a lot out of the way. Jarrett, Dixie, Hogan and Bischoff are all explained. Nash and Sting are written off TV, Pope has a new thing to do, Anderson’s loyalty is pretty clear and RVD and Joe will fight on their own. Hardy was explained but to say it felt rushed is an understatement. Abyss wasn’t explained at all but did we really need to hear about him? All you really get from that is the beginning of the story and we can live without that.

This show did explain some things and kind of got things going for the angle, but at the same time this is showing signs of turning into one massive soap opera much like the NWO angle. The problem with that is back then you had some amazing matches on the side to compliment the drama. You’re not getting that in the first week.

That being said, it’s the first week and I can understand a ton of talking here. However if this is now the status quo, there are REAL problems for this company. This was kind of a disappointment but to say it was horrible isn’t fair. They got through a lot tonight, but what scares me are the weeks to come. There has to be some wrestling out there, and I’m not seeing it here so far. I’m neither thrilled nor optimistic, but I’m also not convinced this is bad. Definitely interested in next week’s offering, but I’ll be less lenient on it to say the least.

Impact
Date: March 24, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: Do the Math

It’s another week in the Impact Zone after last week’s pretty awful show.  For some reason I have a better feeling about this show tonight.  I hope we don’t have another #1 contenders match tonight as there seems to be one on every show.  Other than that we continue on the Road to Lockdown.  Let’s get to it.

We open with clips of Anderson wanting a title shot last week and the segments with Hogan.  Oh and they swear a lot.  This has various editing in it so they have the same thing said multiple times and with different voice effects.

In the arena it’s Anderson and some guy in a suit.  There’s what appears to be a dry erase board in the ring.  Into the ring and there’s a bunch of math and formulas on the board.  This guy is apparently a professor from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay and is a mathematician.  He talks about how Hogan and Bischoff are trying to mess this up for him.  Last week there was a double pin last week which he draws on the board.

Anderson never got a rematch and when you add up everything, WHERE IS HIS FREAKING REMATCH???  The professor says he does deserve a rematch and that’s it from him.  Oh wait Anderson wants to talk about some chick he wants to sleep with back in college.  Anderson implies the professor wanted to sleep with her too which the professor admits to.

The girl told Anderson that the professor told her that Anderson was gay.  The professor admits to it and Anderson says that’s cool.  Say it with me: Mic Check to the professor.  Nothing for Mary Ann?  Cue Hogan and Bischoff.  The professor is out cold under the board.  Bischoff doesn’t see what Hogan sees in Anderson and that the Network won’t like this.  Eric says that this is all Hogan’s deal.

Hogan likes what Anderson did to the professor, saying that he thought it was entertaining.  Anderson has been running amuck recently and Hogan doesn’t like it.  Hogan doesn’t like the idea of Anderson not doing things his way, the Immortal way.  There won’t be a rematch unless Anderson earns it.  The rematch contract doesn’t count because it’s signed by Dixie.  That does cover why his win in the triple threat back in February is worthless so points for that.  It’s RVD vs. Anderson tonight for the shot at Sting.  Anderson says RVD isn’t in his league.

Cue RVD as we take a break.  Back with RVD saying say what you were saying right now to Anderson.  Anderson says he’ll say it in the ring and calls Hogan a douchebag.  Hogan likes that and talks about playing in a sandbox with a perverted professor.  RVD isn’t sure why he signed with TNA in the first place.  He’s tired of being held back by Hogan and Bischoff and this needs to be RVDTV.

Sweet goodness it’s Sting now as I guess 20 minutes of talking isn’t enough to open a show.  I wasn’t huge on Sting’s new look at first but it’s growing on me.  He got a call from the Network also and they want Sting to be the enforcer in the main event tonight.  Dang the Network called him fast.  Granted they might have known about the match in advance I guess.

We get an update on AJ who has a bruiser spinal cord and he’ll be out indefinitely.

Tara vs. Mickie next.

Mickie James vs. Tara

What in the world happened to the Knockouts division?  This should be a great match but it’s been done into the ground.  Madison tells Tara to take Mickie down tonight no matter what it takes.  Naturally there’s a Charlie Sheen reference because everyone loves him still right?  We do get the Broken song though so I’m happy there.  Mickie dominates to start us off with a Thesz Press and a flapjack.
Tara is more or less in a bikini with a slightly longer top.  Can’t say I’m complaining.  Tara counters a rana attempt by Mickie into a powerbomb.  Tara goes up and gets crotched but fights Mickie off.  In a rather awesome looking move Tara does something that is kind of similar to a Styles Clash but instead of the ending to the Clash she landed in a Boston Crab position.  That was pretty cool looking.  Didn’t get the submission but the setup was cool.  Widow’s Peak attempt doesn’t work and a HUGE jumping DDT ends Tara at 3:20.

Rating: C+. These two fight a lot and I think I can see why.  First of all they’re both gorgeous and second of all they have good matches.  That DDT was awesome looking and is far better than whatever she uses usually.  I know she’s used it before but that was the first time I’ve seen it in awhile.  Good match here despite it being pretty short.

Anderson and Sting argue a bit in the back and Anderson wants to know a name at the Network.  There’s no name apparently and it’s just The Network.  That makes no sense so it’s probably a very important plot point for a major storyline.

We recap the borderline sexual assault on Okato last week by Pope.

Joe talks to Okato who has a match tonight.  Okato says something in Japanese.

Okato vs. D’Angelo Dinero

The announcer calls him Okada while the screen says Okato.  Okato jumps him immediately and is wrestling in that Jimmy Jack Funk mask.  After a quick attack to start he misses a dropkick off the top and here comes Pope.  The ropes are making loud noises whenever they’re hit tonight.  Pope vs. Joe at Lockdown.

Pope rams a bunch of knees into Okato’s head as he’s hanging over the apron.  He takes the boot off and drills Okato in the head with it, then takes the glove off to reveal a bunch of rings.  An uppercut with that is enough for a DQ at 2:28.  Barely even a match here as other than about 8 seconds at the beginning it was all Pope.  Pope pops the referee also and beats up Okato a bit more until Joe makes the save.  BIG reaction for Joe.

Video on Sting that we’ve seen like three times now which is about how he got into wrestling and loves TNA now.  TNA needed a hero so he came back.  Lots of Hardy mentions in this video which I’m not sure what to think of.

Now we get a video on Angle vs. Jarrett.  Is there a reason why we’re seeing a promo video for Lockdown in the middle of a show?  They’re good videos but I’m a bit confused as to why they’re airing here.

All show we’ve heard about Flair issuing a challenge to Fourtune.  That’s up next.

Back with RVD talking to Hogan.  Hogan thinks RVD is the guy and that he doesn’t get what Bischoff sees in Anderson.  He wants RVD to give it his all tonight and Van Dam leaves.  Hogan laughs and says what an idiot.

Here are Flair, Ray and Matt Hardy.  Flair talks about being God and how he’s going to hand the mic off to two great tag team wrestlers who are the best thing going today.  Wow indeed.  Matt looks so high it’s unreal.  He talks about being told they were the future 10 years ago but being stabbed in the back.  They’re going to stab Fourtune in the back but doing it straight ahead.

Bubba takes the mic and the fans chant for D-Von.  He talks about AJ not being here and how it’s because of Ray.  Apparently his Uncle Vito taught him to make people an offer they can’t refuse.  Ray asks for a 4-3 match at Lockdown.  Aren’t there only three of each?  Cue Fourtune minus AJ of course.

Kaz leads the charge and the fight is on.  Why are Flair’s clothes always ripped off in fights?  DWI attempt on Flair but the lights go red.  And Abyss is back and is the 4^th man.  There’s a chain brought in from somewhere and the big beating is on.  We take a break with Immortal standing tall.

Back with Abyss saying he’s stronger now and all that jazz.  He’s a monster don’t you know.

Here are Hernandez and his Mexican team, in this case the guy that ran in last week and Sarita/Rosita.  The guy is named El Anarchia.  The stable is called Mexican America apparently.  They’re taking our jobs, our women and our money because they’re the superior race.  Hernandez puts a Mexican flag over the American flag.  That flag is huge.  They call out Morgan who comes out with….he comes out with D-Von.

D-Von/Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez/Anarchia

This is a street fight.  There’s the massive Mexican flag above the ring and a British flag in the stands.  Holy international show!  Moregan and Hernandez in the ring with a fallaway slam taking Hernandez down.  The elbows in the corner set up a clothesline to send Supermex to the floor.  Velvet Sky runs down because this isn’t making enough sense already and she fights with the girls.

Angelina Love (blast that Jersey Shore chick so I now have to explain things) walks out very slowly but doesn’t do anything.  Winter comes out and screams ANGELINA.  Isn’t there like a MATCH going on right now?  Angelina leaves and we go back to the mach.  Anarchia hits D-Von with some object to end this at 3:40.  I know that’s long enough to grade but considering we saw maybe 90 seconds of the actual match and the rest was on the girls, no rating.

Scott Steiner/Crimson vs. Ink Inc

Glad to see Crimson actually getting some camera time.  Neal looks like he’s in boxers.  Total squash to start with Neal getting destroyed by both guys.  Moore comes in and gets beaten down also.  He gets the first offense of the match for his team in the form of a moonsault press.  Shannon goes to tag Jesse but Jesse is still hurt.  Instead he jumps into the Red Alert to end it 3:05.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here as I guess they’re splitting up Ink Inc now too.  Other than Beer Money who in the world is left for this division?  Unless we’re going to go back to the Guns vs. Beer Money again, I have no idea where else they’re going with it.  Total squash here with Ink Inc getting in a combined 2 moves.

Neal shows respect post match but Moore takes the head gear of Steiner and wipes himself with it and throws it at Steiner.  Neal yells at him for it.

Video of the Anderson vs. RVD match at Victory Road.

Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Anderson

This match is happening because Earl Hebner never got to declare a winner.  So, in the last week, no one like, asked him who won?  Basic stuff to start us off as Anderson gets a neckbreaker for two.  Sting is the outside referee so they might as well stamp “Screwy finish” on this right now.  Backbreaker gets two.  Totally going through the motions here until we get to the ref bump.

And there it is as Anderson clotheslines the referee.  Chinlock by Anderson as Sting comes in as referee now.  Split legged moonsault gets two for RVD.  Rolling Thunder is avoided so RVD dives to the floor to take out Anderson.  Anderson fires a chair into the ring and Sting throws it out.  Mic Check into the post and RVD is done.  Anderson drills Sting and it’s a DQ at 6:43.  Ok, so RVD is #1 contender!  There is no way that there could be any other logical conclusion.

Rating: C-. The whole going through the motions thing got really annoying as they made it very clear that something was coming.  The ending just had to be screwy because that’s what they’re doing here to set up Lockdown, but now they’ve picked RVD.  Ok, that’s what I was hoping.  Just a winner.  I feel all at peace now.  I’m sure TNA will never find a way to change this.  Not them.  Not even a little bit.

Big pull apart brawl post match and we take a break.

Back with interviews with everyone involved in the match.  RVD doesn’t remember the match and thinks he has a title match tonight with Sting out of all this.  The interviewer corrects him and RVD is gone after the Mic Check into the post.  So another head injury angle?  Original guys, original.

Anderson wants to know why Sting is afraid of him.

Sting says he didn’t ring the bell.  Oh dear.  Oh dear indeed.  Anderson goes after Sting and they brawl again.  After they’re pulled apart Anderson wants to know who rang the bell.

Overall Rating: C. Far better than last week but I’m not sure what that’s really saying.  The ending likely is going to get changed because they’re dead set on that triple threat ending.  The pacing this week was WAY better with the wrestling being more spaced out.  Still not a great show really but it’s far better than last week.  I didn’t get annoyed during this one as I usually do, which is a good sign.  Much better show here.

Results

Mickie James b. Tara – Jumping DDT

Okato b. D’Angelo Dinero via DQ when Dinero hit Okato with rings on his hand

Hernandez/Anarchia b. D-Von/Matt Morgan – Anarchia pinned D-Von after hitting him with brass knuckles

Scott Steiner/Crimson b. Ink Inc – Red Alert to Moore

Rob Van Dam b. Mr. Anderson via DQ when Anderson hit the referee