Wrestling Gold #3: We Like To Hurt People
Commentators: Dave Meltzer, Jim Cornette

So for those of you who have forgotten, this is a DVD set released back in 2001, featuring a bunch of territory matches from around the country. The big draw though is special commentary by Jim Cornette and Dave Meltzer, which is often a lot more interesting than the matches themselves. Let’s get to it.

As usual, I’m hoping for the best on the dates/promotions for these matches.

From Memphis, Tennessee, June 25, 1984.

Phil Hickerson/The Spoiler vs. Tommy Rich/Eddie Gilbert

Street fight so naturally it’s a big brawl to start as commentary buries the idea of Rich and Gilbert as the new Fabulous Ones. Spoiler chokes Gilbert on the floor and then goes back inside as Rich is kicked down. Gilbert comes back in to clean house with a boot and they split off again as commentary talks about Gilbert skipping high school graduation because he was in a match. Cornette: “Who’s going to go to your high school graduation when you’re booked?”

Gilbert unloads on Spoiler inside as Hickerson is sent into the post and atomic dropped on the floor. A backdrop gets Gilbert out of a piledriver attempt and Gilbert gets to hammer away as the rather bloody Rich comes back inside. Spoiler gets in a boot shot to Rich but Gilbert backdrops him to the floor. Commentary realizes they’re sounding “like a WCW announce crew” as Rich has stolen Spoiler’s (loaded) mask. A middle rope headbutt knocks Hickerson cold for the pin at 6:35.

Rating: B-. This was indeed a bloody, violent match and that’s exactly what you would have expected in the Mid-South Coliseum when a street fight was advertised. Memphis could get violent with the best of them and it helps that Hickerson, one of the more underrated stars of the territory era, was there to help make it work. The ending was a unique one as well and I could have gone for a lot more of this.

From Memphis, Tennessee, sometime in the summer of 1984.

Lanny Poffo/Randy Savage vs. Rock N Roll Express

Yeah this should work and Angelo Poffo is with the non Rock N Roll. Savage and Morton lock up to start with Morton knocking him down without much trouble. Savage slams him down and goes up but gets punched out of the air, allowing Gibson to come in for a change. It’s off to Lanny, who is knocked outside and we’re clipped to Savage sending Morton outside for a top rope ax handle.

Morton is sent into the apron and Lanny knees him in the back as commentary basically ignores the match to talk about the greatness of Randy Savage (fair enough). Gibson gets drawn in, allowing Morton to get kneed right back down. An elbow to the face isn’t enough for Morton to get over to Gibson and we’re firmly in Ricky Morton Selling period, with the fans getting all the more into it.

Gibson is distracted to the floor so Morton has no one to tag, leaving Angelo to send Morton onto the announcers’ table. Morton backdrops Savage onto the table and it’s back to Gibson to clean house (with Cornette giving a great explanation behind the psychology of the hot tag and how Morton set up that turn of the story). Angelo comes in with a boot though and that’s a DQ at 8:30 (13:06 according to commentary, which could make this July 16, 1984) shown.

Rating: B. Believe it or not, this was rather good stuff with both teams knowing how to work together so well. Morton getting the hot tag to Gibson is one of the classic spots in wrestling and it works so well because Morton could sell like no one else. Savage and Poffo didn’t team much (if at all) on the big stage and it’s a shame as they’re rather good together.

Post match the brawl stays on and the fans go absolutely nuts.

From San Antonio, Texas, possibly in September 1981.

Dory Funk Jr. vs. Dick Slater

Slater slams him down to start as commentary talks about how similar Slater was to Terry Funk, which would be an understatement. Funk takes him down and grabs a headlock as you can see just how smooth Funk can be out there. An atomic drop gets Slater out of trouble, only for Funk to grab the headlock again.

Back up and Funk’s atomic drop sends Slater to the apron, with commentary pointing out how much Slater looks like Terry again. Back in and Slater takes him down for a knee drop as commentary explains how the Funk Brothers had to get out of their father’s shadow, which worked everywhere but Amarillo. Funk snapmares him down into an elbow drop and it’s time for the forearms. A collision sends Slater outside though and Tully Blanchard runs in to jump Funk for the DQ at 6:17.

Rating: B-. This felt more like a preview of something even bigger but I’ll take that for an old TV show. The more I see of Funk, the more impressive he is and it was fascinating to see Dory against someone so close to Terry. The Funks only wrestled once so you don’t get to see it very often, making this all the more interesting. It could have been more, but this worked well enough.

Post match the beatdown stays on with Scott Casey running in for the save.

From….I have no idea actually. Toronto seems to be the most likely place but there’s no official listing.  Likely the late 70s.

US Title: The Sheik vs. Tiger Jeet Singh

Sheik is defending in a cage and Singh jumps him to start for a ram into the cage. Commentary immediately buries Singh as being terrible in the ring but he wound up being rich anyway because he’s a good businessman. Sheik sends him into the cage and gets in some pencil shots, only for Singh to take it away and stab him in the head.

Singh is rammed into the cage again but keeps Sheik from escaping with a pull of the trunks. More choking and brawling in the corner doesn’t go anywhere as Cornette places this match in the early 80s. Singh can’t get out of the cage either so he knocks Sheik down…and right through the door to retain the title at 7:46.

Rating: C-. This was all about the brawling and violence and, well, what else were you expecting? The match was just kind of dull and neither of them were going to be able to do much here but the fans were into it. That’s about as good as it gets for these two and thankfully they kept it short, which is often a positive move.

From San Antonio, Texas, April 9, 1984.

Southwest Championship Wrestling Tag Team Titles: Fabulous Blonds vs. Manny Fernandez/Al Perez

The Blonds (Eric Embry/Ken Timbs) are defending with Fernandez taking Timbs down with a headscissors to start as Cornette talks about how Embry could have been a star if he was taller, stronger or more tanned. Timbs takes over with an armbar and a backdrop into another armbar as commentary talks about how Perez could have been a star if he developed the muscles between his ears a bit more.

Fernandez is back up with a dropkick into an armdrag and of course commentary praises him a bit more, mainly because Fernandez was that much better. Perez comes in for a middle rope shot to the arm and the armbar goes on again. Some big knees to the arm keep Timbs in trouble as commentary goes into quite the discussion of cosmetic appeal in wrestling. Back up and Timbs misses an elbow and it’s right back to an armdrag into an armbar.

It works so well that he does it again but Timbs gets up and brings in Embry for the running forearm. There’s the double backdrop to put Perez down again and Timbs’ elbow gets two. An atomic and knee drop combine for two on Perez but he gets in a shot of his own. The tag is cut off though and Fernandez is drawn in, meaning the referee has to send him back.

Perez backdrops out of Embry’s piledriver attempt and Fernandez comes back in to clean house. Everything breaks down and the champions are sent into each other. Back up and Embry tries another piledriver but Fernandez drops him with a clothesline to give Perez the pin and the titles at 10:58.

Rating: C+. Things got better at the end and you could see the match building along the way, with Fernandez waiting to come in and run through everyone. Perez was indeed someone who could have been a star if he could put it all together but that never really happened. Fernandez was a star who could have been a lot bigger but almost always did well when he was given the chance, especially in a smaller place like this one. Good enough stuff here, with the ending boosting it up.

Post match the Blondes jump them again and the Sheepherders run in to beat on Perez and Fernandez. Bobby Jaggers and more run in for the save.

From Toronto, Ontario, Canada, February 6, 1977.

NWA World Title: Terry Funk vs. Harley Race

Funk is defending and we’re joined in progress with Funk getting two off a backbreaker. A piledriver gets the same and Funk drops a knee as it is so strange to see Funk wrestling such a basic style. Race is back up with a snapmare for two and a good backbreaker gets the same.

Funk gets in a flying headscissors of all thing to take Race down, only to be sent outside. Back in and Race goes up top but gets slammed down, setting up the spinning toehold. That’s broken up so Race tries a suplex, with Funk falling down on top of him for another near fall. Funk goes back to the spinning toehold but Race escapes again and hits a shinbreaker (on Funk’s bad knee). An Indian Deathlock, eventually, makes Funk give up at 7:14.

Rating: B-. You didn’t get to see much from the two of them, but of course it was technically sound and logical, because you shouldn’t expect anything else from these two. Race was about 33 here and a staggering 17 year veteran already as he wins his second title. That man was an incredibly rare case and it was always a treat to watch him in the ring. Funk on the other hand is a legend is in his own right and it’s still bizarre to see him doing something like this, as he was so good at this style in addition to the stuff that made him famous to more modern audiences.

Post match Race jumps up and down in celebration, which makes sense but dang it feels weird to see from him.

From Indianapolis, Indiana, probably around 1977.

Pepper Gomez vs. The Bounty Hunter

Gomez knocks him into the corner to start and grabs an armdrag for another knockdown. A right hand drops Hunter again as commentary talks about Gomez having a very strong stomach. Gomez works on an armbar and the referee kicks Hunter’s feet off the ropes, which doesn’t seem overly fair. Hunter fights back but gets taken down for a seated senton, setting up a jackknife rollup to give Gomez the pin at 4:21.

Rating: C. Not much to this one but Gomez was a massive name from his time so having him in here was a cool moment. That’s all you can ask for in a situation like this as a lot of his stuff has been lost to time. Hunter was nothing to see but he was basically just there to be a warm body anyway.

From Memphis, Tennessee, May/June 1984.

Austin Idol vs. Jim Neidhart

Neidhart runs him over with a shoulder to start but Idol’s manager Jimmy Hart trips Neidhart down. That means a lot of yelling ensues and Neidhart gets back inside, where we’re clipped to Idol grabbing a backdrop. Neidhart chokes him down into a chinlock and the comeback is cut off.

None of that matters though as Cornette is talking about Memphis history, reaching a level where even Meltzer is just left sitting there listening to him. Neidhart’s bearhug goes on and he even gets a near fall until we’re clipped again to Idol hammering away. Idol grabs a sleeper and here is the Spoiler to jump Idol with a cane. Neidhart covers so Hart comes in for the DQ at 4:53.

Rating: C. This seemed to be a much better match if you could see the whole thing, which is often the case with matches like these. Idol is someone who always felt like he could have been a bigger deal if he was ever on a bigger stage but that wasn’t going to be the case for him, as he just wasn’t going to do something he didn’t want. The draw here was Cornette getting to talk Memphis though, as he excels at it like nothing else.

Post match Neidhart and Spoiler beat Hart down but Idol makes the save. Hart even gets in a few shots of his own and rips off his jacket in a visual you don’t see very often.

From Memphis, Tennessee, May 21, 1984.

Butch Reed vs. Junkyard Dog

Dog knocks him down to start and drops a right hand, with Reed bailing out to the floor. Reed is pulled back in and the all fours headbutts send Dog outside, with commentary pointing out that Dog stole the move from Terry Funk. Back in again and Reed is choked down in the corner but gets in a cheap shot as Cornette gets to sing Bill Watts’ praises. A double clothesline leaves both of them down, allowing Cornette to tell more stories about Dog’s incredible popularity.

Reed grabs a chinlock into a front facelock, which goes on for a good while so it’s more Cornette Storytime (which granted is the big appeal of this whole set). Dog fights up with an atomic drop and a clothesline as you can feel the energy picking up. Said energy is capped off when Dog hits the Thump for the pin at 7:42.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t so much a good match as much as it was a match where you could see how great they could have been if Dog was at his best. The problem with Dog is he got out of shape fast and there wasn’t much that could be done to stop it. When he was at this peak though, it was something special and this wasn’t quite that, but it was still good enough stuff.

From Memphis, Tennessee, sometime in 1984ish.

Rick Rude/Jim Neidhart/Ox Baker/Japanese Assassin vs. Robert Reed/Tiger Mask/Keith Eric/Mad Dog

The Assassin kicks away at Eric and Rude, in a dress because of a Memphis stipulation, and it’s off to Neidhart to throw him around. Dog comes in and gets taken into the wrong corner for a beating from Baker. Mask (no not that one, as this is Ken Wayne) comes in and gets pummeled just as quickly and Reed gets beaten up as well. I guess Baker didn’t care for The Brady Bunch In The White House. Anyway Neidhart powerslams Eric and Rude adds a swinging neckbreaker for the pin at 3:17.

Rating: C. This wasn’t so much of a squash as much as it was a total and complete destruction, which was normal for a match on Memphis TV. Rude was ticked off because of the dress and Baker was ticked off because of who he was in general. It was fun to see this kind of a beating as it always looked good to see someone get decimated like that.

From Memphis, Tennessee, 1984.

Jerry Lawler vs. King Kong Bundy

Bundy, with Jimmy Hart, splashes Lawler in the corner to start and stomps the crown, with Cornette saying that’s going to come out of Bundy’s paycheck. Lawler gets elbowed down again and the ecstatic Hart is already cheering on the apron. Bundy sends him into the corner for a right hand and Lawler, tired of being squashed, rolls out to the floor. That just earns him a posting and an elbow drop for two back inside. The chinlock goes on and Bundy switches it to a bearhug, with Lawler finally breaking out. Lawler goes outside again and the chase is on, with Bundy getting tired rather quickly.

More stalling ensues, with the story of the match being that Hart is paying Bundy by the minute and Lawler wants to cost Hart money. As commentary points out, that means they can they can just run around and keep the story going without getting physical. Lawler finally gets caught by Hart though and Bundy takes over with some big right hands. Bundy drops an elbow but misses a splash and the strap comes down so it’s time for the comeback. Cue Rick Rude to distract Lawler though and Bundy gets in a chain shot, followed by the splash for the pin at 7:05.

Rating: C+. This was a great illustration of doing something with nothing, because people wanted to see Lawler cost Hart money and it worked like a charm. In other words, the company got creative with an idea and ran with it, which was what you had to do when you were running so often. It worked here and Bundy’s limitations were hidden at the same time. Not too bad.

From Detroit, Michigan, October 8, 1978.

Terry Funk vs. Mark Lewin

Lewin actually takes him to the mat by the arm to start and shrugs off some headbutts, with Funk hurting himself by mistake. An armdrag into another armbar has Funk in trouble and the fans rather pleased. The wristlock goes on as they head outside and then back inside as commentary talks about Paradise Alley.

Lewin switches off to a hammerlock but gets sent crashing out to the floor. Funk stomps away and grabs a chair, with Lewin bashing Funk in the head. Somehow that’s not a DQ so Lewin grabs a sleeper….and a rather large football player named Walter Johnson (of the Cleveland Browns) comes in to jump Lewin for the DQ at 5:55.

Rating: C+. The armbar was a bit repetitive but you could tell that the two of them had the energy and the crowd were way behind Lewin. The end was a big moment with the interference from an NFL player and the match certainly felt important. I was expecting more violence, but they did at least use a piece of a chair so we got something.

Post match Funk (bleeding) and Johnson beat on Lewin with a piece of the chair. That’s more like it.

From Memphis, Tennessee, July 9, 1984.

AWA International Title: Tommy Rich vs. Masao Ito

Ito is defending. The match listing gets Ito’s name wrong (“Massao”) but I doubt it was printed very often. We’re joined in progress with Rich grabbing a headlock takeover and a snapmare takes Ito down again. Ito shrugs that off and chops away before blocking an O’Connor roll. Rich knocks him down but gets chopped into the required nerve hold but Rich is up again to strike away.

That earns him another nerve hold but Rich gets up to lose a slugout. Ito’s middle rope splash misses so Rich hits an ax handle and the Thesz press (his finisher) but Ito’s goons make the save. Some powder to the eyes gives Ito two but Tojo Yamamoto gives Rich some salt to blind Ito right back. A crossbody gives Rich the pin and the title at 8:04.

Rating: B. This really got going and it was one of the best matches on the set thus far. Rich could do a fired up comeback like few others and the title change felt like a big deal. The fans were into Rich and it was cool to see this kind of thing happen, as it was quite the ordeal, showing you what can happen with a well told story.

From Memphis, Tennessee, June 4, 1984.

AWA Southern Title: Jerry Lawler vs. Kamala

Lawler is defending and Kamala rushes him into the corner for a fast start. Kamala chokes him down and sends him outside before Lawler’s right hand has no effect. More right hands just make Kamala jump into the air and grab the always lame pectoral claw. That’s only good for two so Kamala chops him on the mat and gets two off the splash. Lawler isn’t having this and fights up, with the strap coming down and the big right hand rocking Kamala for a change.

Kamala goes for the throat though and Lawler is right back down, which isn’t something you saw too often around here. The beating continues, with Lawler being knocked onto the announcers’ table as Jimmy Hart is thrilled at ringside. Lawler almost gets back inside so Kamala beats him down again, then does the same thing again. Hart gets the referee’s attention though and Lawler blasts Kamala with a chair. That leaves Kamala convulsing on the floor as Lawler wins by countout at 10:28.

Rating: B-. Kamala was a heck of a monster and it was easy to get behind anything Lawler was doing, especially in Memphis. The fans loved him no matter what and that was even more true when he was fighting a monster. That was a perfect spot for someone like Kamala and it worked rather well here. Good stuff, with Lawler looking like a hero by taking him out in the end.

From Indianapolis, Indiana, early 1970s.

Blackjack Mulligan/Ray Stevens/Baron Von Raschke vs. The Crusher/Dick The Bruiser/Sailor Art Thomas

Crusher and Stevens start things off with Stevens hammering away, earning himself a lifting choke. Raschke comes in and gets chased away as we’re clipped to Crusher taking over on Mulligan. Stevens goes up top and everything breaks down but we’re clipped again to Crusher working on Mulligan’s arm.

Mulligan powers him into the corner for some triple teaming and everything breaks down again. Stevens rakes Bruiser’s eyes so Bruiser goes nuts on him, even sending him outside. A young Bobby Heenan helps Stevens back in and everything breaks down again, with Raschke being rammed into Mulligan. Raschke gets double backdropped for the pin at 7:00.

Rating: B-. This was a big star studded match to wrap up the set and it was cool to see something from such a bygone era. The Bruiser and the Crusher were incredibly popular stars of their day and Stevens is one of the best in-ring performers of all time. It worked well and it felt like a big deal when everyone was in the ring. Fun match.

Overall Rating: B-. As has been the case with the previous two discs, and as will be the case with the other two discs, there wasn’t much to be said for a lot of the wrestling. Most of it was ok (and some of it was rather good) but the real draw here was all of the history lessons. You might not be into it if you’re not a fan of wrestling history, but there is some incredibly interesting stuff in there, with some of Cornette’s stories being a mixture of fascinating and hilarious. More good stuff here, and I’m sure I’ll have a good time with the other two.

 

 

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Tuesday Night Titans
Date: November 13, 1984
Location: Video One Studios, Owings Mills, Maryland
Hosts: Vince McMahon, Lord Alfred Hayes

Another request here, partially so I can say I’ve done an episode of this show. This is a bit of a different show as it’s mainly a talk show with wrestling guests. There would be matches included, though this isn’t exactly the best time period from a quality standpoint. I’m not entirely sure what to expect here but that’s the kind of show Tuesday Night Titans was. Let’s get to it.

I’m going to do my best on the dates/locations of the matches but it’s one of those shows that throws them them together from other TV tapings.

I can barely hear Hayes’ introduction over the REALLY loud intro music.

Vince and Hayes are on the talk show set to intro the show. We talk about Thanksgiving (this is being written two days before his year’s holiday so it’s kind of appropriate) with Vince promising to deliver a turkey in the form of first guest in Captain Lou Albano. Lou immediately lists off all of his accomplishments as a manager, which has to be some kind of a record (fourteen Tag Team Champions is pretty crazy).

He goes on a rant about how amazing athletes wrestlers are, even talking about Vince’s amateur wrestling credentials. Albano brags about his IQ of 901.73 back in his medulla ob-long-gata which makes him a linguist and a bi-linguist. Vince FINALLY cuts off this rather hilarious speech and throws us to a match.

From Hamilton, Ontario, Canada – October 29/30, 1984

Nick DeCarlo vs. The Spoiler

Spoiler, a big masked guy (I won’t say who he is in case you haven’t seen him before) has Albano in his corner. Before we get going, here’s Intercontinental Champion Greg Valentine (also Albano’s client) to say he doesn’t have any competition. Albano goes into a rant about how awesome Valentine is as the match starts. Valentine goes over to commentary to talk about how he wants respect as Spoiler throws DeCarlo into the corner. DeCarlo gets knocked outside, followed by a top rope clothesline back inside. A knee lift sets up the Claw to put DeCarlo away in a hurry.

Back in the studio, Albano apologizes to Hayes for not being a gentleman. Then he goes into a rant about Spoiler squeezing a ball in his hand until he got strong enough to break a pair of pliers. Now he can squash any wrestler’s skull. Vince: “Some skulls are softer than others.” As for Valentine, they might just retire the title. For now though, he’ll face any contender around.

Back from a break with Albano laid out on the couch with his shirt open as we get to our second guest: Barry Windham. Barry is a standard face but Albano laughs at him and talks about his own training style. Albano’s various stomach issues take us to the next match.

From Salisbury, Maryland – November 7, 1984.

Barry Windham vs. Charlie Fulton

An unnamed hillbilly is in the crowd. We’ll call him Jim and move on. Barry takes him down with a top wristlock before grabbing an armdrag into an armbar. That’s enough wrestling as Barry forearms him down and drops a knee for two. More right hands drop Fulton and a bulldog is good for the pin.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as Windham never felt right in the WWF. It was clear that he wasn’t exactly happy there as he would eventually self destruct, though at least he did have a nice run in the US Express. Fulton was a jobber to the stars around this point and that’s exactly what he was doing here.

Back in the studio, Albano makes more fun of Windham and eventually gives him some dieting advice. Oh and watch any match you’re not involved in. Windham calls him a slob so Albano calls him dehydrated and says if you put Windham’s brain in a parakeet, it would fly backwards.

We take a break and come back with Mike Rotundo as the third guest. Albano: “Take your hat off! You’re not in the barn!” Vince talks about Rotundo’s athletic accomplishments and again, Albano talks over him in a rather heelish way.

From the Hamilton, Ontario, Canada – October 29, 1984.

Barry Windham/Mike Rotundo vs. Mohammad Saad/Bobby Bass

Not quite the US Express just yet. Windham knocks Saad out to the floor to start as we hear about Windham and Rotundo’s background. Rotundo comes in for an armbar and Bass gets forearmed into the corner for his cheating efforts. The good guys start their fast tagging and work over Saad’s arm until a bulldog is good for the pin. Total squash.

Back in the studio, Rotundo threatens to shut Albano up. Windham and Rotundo talk about the various regional Tag Team Titles they’ve won, which you don’t hear about very often. Albano has been advising the current World Tag Team Champions (Dick Murdoch/Adrian Adonis) but Rotundo doesn’t think they need a manager at this point. Albano rants us to a break.

I’m not sure where the next match takes place. Vince says it’s from the Meadowlands in East Rutherford, New Jersey but I can’t find any record of these two ever having a match there. I can however find one from around this time in Toronto, which would make a lot more sense.

Nikolai Volkoff vs. Rocky Johnson

Joined in progress with the announcers saying it’s in the Toronto area, meaning we’re in the Maple Leaf Gardens on October 21, 1984. Thanks for that, commentators. Johnson punches him in the jaw but doesn’t follow up. Well he’s never been the brightest guy in the world. A nerve hold (I think) takes Johnson down but some gyrating gets him back to his feet. Back up and a double shoulder puts them both down for a breather. Volkoff wins a test of strength and of course cheats as soon as Johnson starts coming back. A kick to the ribs sends Volkoff outside but he’s right back in with a hard forearm to the back. Johnson hits some of his always weird looking (though still fine) dropkicks, only to get dropped throat first across the top rope for the fast pin.

Rating: D+. Not a terrible power vs. speed match here with Johnson being more about charisma than his in-ring abilities. This was also back when Volkoff was looking like a powerhouse rather than the much bigger version that most people remember him as. It was easy to see why they ran Volkoff vs. Hogan so many times as this was during a big time in the Cold War and it was kind of a perfect matchup.

And now, COMEDY! Hayes brings out the world’s oldest wrestling fan, a man who appears to be about 94 years old (or about 40 and in bad makeup and a horrible wig) named Lloyd Lynch. He talks about his hometown of Cut and Shoot, Texas before nodding off for a second. His favorite wrestler was the Swedish Angel, a 300lb guy with a big bearhug that everyone loved. Vince has such an awkward look on his face and Lloyd makes it worse by talking about seeing the Angel in Madison Square Garden and squeezing a man’s hair off. That man turned into Gorgeous George and that’s how he got his start.

After talking a bit about meeting Vince’s grandfather and an award Vince’s father just received, it’s time to talk about women’s wrestling and Lloyd is already laughing. Apparently Lloyd remembers a women’s wrestling match from 1834 with Millie Lang Tree. He also knew some woman from Boston who defeated a 412lb wolf with a Boston crab in the back of a pickup truck at a drive-in movie in San Antonio.

As for Millie though, she used a double toe half nelson, which of course Lynch agrees to demonstrate. He pulls his leg up into the air….and hurts himself in the process. Thankfully that’s it and hopefully we never have to sit through something like this again. It was about as funny as being hit in the head with a box of hammers as they weren’t trying for anything more than redneck hillbilly humor with Lynch apparently being at least 110 years old. Just bad stuff here and something beneath even the WWF’s standards.

Thankfully we move on to the next guest: David Bruno Sammartino, who would later drop the Bruno and then realize that no one cared about Bruno’s really boring son. We hear about Bruno trying to keep David out of wrestling but David knew it was all he wanted to do. The Sammartino name isn’t a burden because it’s like being Rocky Marciano’s son. And now, a match.

From (I believe) the East Rutherford, New Jersey – October 14, 1984.

David Sammartino vs. Mr. Fuji

Joined in progress with David working on an armbar in front of a silent crowd. Gorilla calls a shoulder block beautiful and it’s right back to the armbar. Fuji comes back with a falling headbutt to the ribs and the slow motion continues with the fans still not caring. A stomach claw continues to be one of the dumbest moves of all time until Sammartino grabs the leg to escape. Fuji’s slow motion offense continues but David slugs away like his dad to the only reaction of the match. A kick to the ribs and a knee drop give David two and a small package puts Fuji away.

Rating: D-. The match was bad but I always feel bad for Sammartino. He always looked like he was trying but there’s just nothing there. Other than being Bruno’s son, there’s nothing about him that stands out. It’s not really surprising that he never went anywhere in wrestling and a lot of it probably comes from the pressure of being Bruno’s son. Really boring match here, which was common for David.

Back in the studio and thankfully Albano is back to talk about David’s physique. He likes what he sees in Sammartino and suggests that he eat lots of protein, including unborn virgin goat’s milk. Oh and change your name. Not bad advice actually.

We come back with our next guest: the huge Blackjack Mulligan, who brought the house band with him. He’s here to stand up for AMERICA and doesn’t want to hear about people like the Iron Sheik who doesn’t stand for AMERICA. Then you have people like Big John Studd, who just isn’t nice in general. After listing off a few more villains, it’s off to a match.

From Hamilton, Ontario, Canada – October 29, 1984.

Blackjack Mulligan vs. Ted Grizzly

Grizzly is billed from Morgan’s Corner, Arkansas, which was the hometown of Haystacks Calhoun. Mulligan shoves him down with almost no effort and forearms him in the chest. A drop toehold has Grizzly tapping but that wouldn’t mean anything for a good ten years. Grizzly’s right hands have no effect and a jumping back elbow to the jaw puts Grizzly away with almost no effort. The fans stand up and look at something in the aisle but we don’t get to see what it is. That might be a bit too interesting you see.

Back in the studio, Mulligan says he’s ready to face anyone, anytime. For tonight though, let’s bring out some square dancers! Seriously they come out and dance and time is devoured. Vince FINALLY throws it to commercial….but first we see a mechanical bull. Oh jeez here we go.

Back with Vince, Hayes and Mulligan standing next to the mechanical bull called Mr. Black. Mulligan doesn’t think much of Roddy Piper, who can’t shut up long enough to have a real talk. Blackjack doesn’t quite get how this wrestling thing works does he? Anyway he’ll be having his own talk show called Blackjack’s Barbecue where we can ask the real questions.

We go to Piper’s Pit where Piper mocks a rather muscular wrestler until Mulligan shows up and gets in Piper’s face. Mulligan calls him a pole cat (skunk for you city folk) and says he’s proud of his heritage….and that’s it.

Back in the studio, Mulligan talks about the use for mechanical bulls, which Hayes says he’s heard of being inside medieval dungeons. Vince is talked into getting on the thing and lasts a few seconds before falling off. And now, more from the band as this segment just keeps going for no logical reason. Hayes is put on the thing….and doesn’t ride because we go to a break.

After another break, Albano is going to answer some letters to give fans advice. First up, a woman whose husband won’t use modern hygiene products. Albano lists off a few ingredients to mix together, including olive oil and witch hazel, to put on him instead. It turns out that Albano doesn’t use such products either and Vince is disturbed.

The second question is from a woman with an obese husband who has heard of a book called the Fat Person’s Guide to Ecstasy. Albano has never heard of such a book and says the husband should lose weight. Then he lists off the book’s authors and thinks the husband should be on a low carbohydrate diet. There are fat people who are ok though, including the fat mamas who love him. You can eat anything you want, but only swallow half.

Third up is a wife with a husband who never takes off his cowboy boots. Albano thinks the husband has a bad smell and needs to lose weight. Maybe he should fill a bathtub with alcohol and walk into the thing. Albano is worried about what will happen when the guy dies and they have to take the boots off. That’s enough for Vince and we’re finally done. Another unfunny segment, though Albano’s insane charisma carried it as far as it could.

Back from a break with Vince and Hayes talking about the awesomeness that is Paul Orndorff. We get a highlight package on Orndorff’s career (despite him not being in the WWF for very long at this point), meaning some long clips of matches showcasing Orndorff’s strength. I was never a big Orndorff fan but he did have a great piledriver.

After a final break (thank goodness), it’s time for more Mulligan for more music and dancing, this time with Vince, Mulligan, and the rest of the guests joining in. Rotundo looks so out of place out there and it’s kind of funny.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh just no. I get the idea they were going for here but sweet goodness it wasn’t entertaining. The wrestling was a bunch of lame squashes and the “comedy” was somewhere between torture and just not funny. It’s a weird time for the company and while there was talent around, most of it wasn’t on display here. Albano was funny due to sheer willpower but you can only do the same jokes so many times.  This was horribly unentertaining and I’m kind of shocked this show got to 100 episodes.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6