UWF Beach Brawl: I Apologize In Advance

IMG Credit: UWF

Beach Brawl
Date: June 9, 1991
Location: Manatee Civic Center, Palmetto, Florida
Attendance: 560
Commentators: Craig DeGeorge, Bruno Sammartino

Since my readers enjoy seeing my never ending spiral into madness, I present to you the Universal Wrestling Federation’s lone pay per view effort. This show is legendarily bad and one that I had on my original list of shows that I wanted to look at when I started reviewing shows. I’m not sure why I never got around to it but here we go. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look at Gorgeous George and Bruno Sammartino, when wrestling was still great. That’s how the UWF was founded, with Herb Abrams wanting to bring things back to the glory days.

A not exactly inspiring opening video shows what we’ve got coming tonight. It’s like the 1980s fell asleep and stumbled into a mostly empty arena.

Bam Bam Bigelow is ready to win the TV Title.

Steve Williams is ready to win the TV Title. Or as he puts it, he’s “going to wear the gold around his belt.”

The arena is dark, likely because no one is here.

Herb brings out the TV Title and picks Gordy to win.

Ricco explains what we’re going to be seeing tonight and gives us the two hotlines to call. He’s no Gene Okerlund.

Bam Bam Bigelow has been training hard for his match, but clearly not for thinking of interesting to say for this interview. The most interesting thing mentioned here: it’s his son’s birthday.

Steve Williams doesn’t have any surprises for Bigelow tonight because Bigelow knows what to expect. He’s been on top of the world everywhere so everyone knows that when he walks into a room, excitement happens. So Bigelow, be ready for a fireman’s carry or an armdrag! Or maybe the Oklahoma Stampede.

You can buy the program for the show!

Black Hearts vs. Fire Cat/Jim Cooper

The Black Hearts (which was spelled Black Harts during the opening video) are Apocalypse and Destruction (better known as Gangrel) and have Luna Vachon, with a snake around her neck, with them (Whom Bruno says is attractive. There’s an image I NEVER need to see again.). Cat would be briefly known as Battle Kat in the WWF. Luna and the Hearts have a small goblet which spits out some smoke and now we’re ready to go.

Cooper gets double shouldered down to start but manages to legsweep let’s say Destruction. A middle rope elbow takes Cooper down though and a jumping clothesline drops him again. Destruction gets uppercutted into the corner and it’s Cat coming in for two off a Hart Attack (with an elbow instead of a clothesline). A shoulder puts Cat down but he’s right back with a wristlock….to send Destruction outside?

Back in and it seems that the Hearts have changed places, with commentary not being sure which is which. Cooper avoids a middle rope elbow and it’s Cat coming back in to pick up the pace. A superkick puts Apocalypse on the floor again and it’s time for a breather. Back in again and Cat rolls Destruction up for two as DeGeorge talks about all the media covering the show. They probably didn’t have trouble finding a seat.

A crucifix gives Cat two, with Bruno calling it clever. That’s enough for the Hearts, who hit a double flying shoulder for two more. Apocalypse’s northern lights suplex gets two on Cat but he DDTs his way to freedom. Cooper comes back in but gets cheapshotted as everything breaks down. The Veg-O-Matic finishes Cooper at 6:51.

Rating: D+. Oh yeah this is going to be a rough one if this is what they picked for an opener. It’s not a terrible match or anything but it’s something that has been done better about a million times. This was a pretty dull and lifeless match with little doubt about who was winning the whole way. If this was supposed to make me want to watch the rest of the show, we’re in trouble.

Post match, Luna chokes a bit.

DeGeorge tries to explain where Palmetto is, eventually saying it’s about 45 miles south of Tampa. Maybe that has something to do with the horrible attendance? Just perhaps?

Luna wants more competition for the Black Hearts.

Terry Gordy vs. Johnny Ace

Street fight (also known as “we wish we were in Japan”) and Ace is Mr. All America. Even commentary acknowledges that the fans don’t care about him. They grapple against the ropes to start and it’s already a bit more energetic than the opener. Ace counters an atomic drop into a headlock, meaning that energy is already gone.

The headlock takeover puts Gordy down again and they stay on the mat for a bit. Gordy fights back up so Ace hits a middle rope spinning crossbody but Gordy blasts him with a clothesline for two. They go into the corner as DeGeorge talks about the Blackhawks in the first match. Gordy’s belly to back suplex gets a rather slow two, followed by a powerbomb for two more.

Gordy charges into a boot in the corner and Ace dropkicks him to the floor, setting up a dive to take him down again. Ace sends him into some chairs as they finally remember that this is a street fight. They fight beyond the crowd to show off the empty seats….and it’s a double countout at 6:27. In a street fight, leaving the announcers rather confused.

Rating: F. They had a double countout in a street fight. It doesn’t help that there was nothing street fightish about it until the last thirty seconds and what we got before then was hardly anything worth seeing. This show is already showing how weak it really is as we’re thirty minutes in and it feels like a bad indy show rather than some game changing pay per view.

Post match they keep fighting for a few more minutes until….well no one breaks it up actually. Gordy throws a chair in and dares Ace to join him but that’s not happening. For some reason Gordy turns his back and Ace chases him off, even stealing the chair. What a villain….I think? Gordy leaves but Ace follows him to brawl some more as this is almost longer than the match itself.

Mask Confusion vs. Power Twins

Mask Confusion is the Killer Bees and the Power Twins are Larry and David with John Tolos. Well they’re supposed to have him at least but the UWF isn’t allowing him to be here in front of these idiot fans. As you would guess, Masked Confusion is not masked. Larry shoves Brunzell around to start and a cheap shot from the apron lets the twins pound away. They aren’t bright enough to keep Brunzell from crawling to the corner so it’s off to Blair.

Larry is catapulted into David to knock both of them outside in the requisite heap. Back in and it’s a double spinning toehold on Larry, allowing Brunzell to crank on the leg. Black twists it around a bit as they start laying on the leg. There’s a double wishbone for two and it’s right back to the leglocking. Larry rakes the eye though and brings in David, who is taken straight down into the same spinning toehold.

This one doesn’t work as well and some forearms to the back set up the bearhug on Blair. The Twins stay on the back and add a double backdrop, with Blair landing on his hip. Choking on the rope and in the corner ensues as Blair can’t get anything going. A double clothesline gives Blair a breather but David is smart enough to knock Brunzell off the apron.

Blair is knocked outside as well and they come up in masks, meaning that other than their size, shape, height and energy levels, there is no way of telling them apart. They make the most obvious switch possible and Brunzell makes the comeback, including the dropkick for two. An assisted sunset flip lets Blair pin David at 13:04.

Rating: D+. And that might be the match of the night so far. I still don’t get why we’re supposed to cheer for a team like Masked Confusion who blatantly cheat but they were faces for most of their WWF run so I guess it counts. Sure they did the masked thing there too so it doesn’t make much more sense either, but never let that be a problem. This was a formula based tag match so it was a little better, though not by much.

Ladies Championship: Candi Devine vs. Rockin Robin

For the inaugural title and Sammartino is having none of DeGeorge oogling Devine. They start fast with Devine knocking her down and hitting a backdrop but Robin gets her boots up in the corner. The front facelock goes on and a sunset flip only gets two. Devine slingshots her down and grabs the Boston crab (not a very good one mind you). Back up and Robin slugs away before avoiding a knee to the ribs. Robin hits a clothesline and takes her into the corner for some right hands. A missed charge into the corner lets Robin grab a rollup for the pin and the title at 6:20.

Rating: D. This was a slightly above average women’s match for the time but you could tell that they weren’t going to get much better than they did here. That’s fair enough to them as well as women’s wrestling just did not matter at this point. To her credit though, Robin was one of the better and more under appreciated women of the time. Given that there was no story here and what they had to work with, they did as much as they could have.

We recap Colonel DeBeers vs. Paul Orndorff. DeBeers didn’t like the idea of a black man refereeing his match and attacked him a few times, including one rather big beating. Then one day the referee started wrestling so DeBeers whipped him with a belt….and Orndorff is in there somewhere, even if he’s not shown here.

Paul Orndorff vs. Colonel DeBeers

Strap match and Orndorff comes out to Can’t Touch This, which is rather disturbing in a variety of ways. The rules are a little weird here as there is one strap and the referee throws it into the air like a jump ball in a basketball game to determine who gets it. The taller DeBeers gets it and hammers away, including some shots in the corner.

DeBeers misses a charge into the corner though and Orndorff uses his feet to bounce DeBeers on the top. The strap to the throat sets up some choking from DeBeers but he comes back with a slam. He can’t find the strap so he goes up, allowing Orndorff to pull out the strap and knock him out of the air. Orndorff grabs a quick piledriver for the pin at 3:17, even though DeBeers’ shoulder was up.

Rating: D+. There was no time here but Orndorff had the same energy and intensity that he always showed. The strap rules were a bit weird but I’ll take this over the touch all four corners deal any day. It helped that this was the only match with and kind of a story so far too, so I’ll take what little I can get.

Post match Orndorff waves the American flag but DeBeers comes back up with a taser to knock Orndorff out. DeBeers even steals the flag to make sure that this continues.

Here’s Captain Lou Albano for the Captain’s Corner. He doesn’t like his guests tonight but he’ll bring them out anyway, meaning the Black Hearts with Luna Vachon. Albano rants about how he doesn’t like all the evil talk….and he walks away without any of the three talking. Did they just need to fill in some time here?

Bob Backlund vs. Ivan Koloff

Legends match and Koloff has a generic manager named Mr. Red. Koloff has the chain of course and Backlund comes out to Stars And Stripes Forever, just in case you needed to have the idea hammered into you. Neither gets anywhere with a hammerlock attempt to start as Koloff drop toeholds his way out of a hammerlock.

Koloff goes to the ropes to escape another hammerlock and then takes Backlund down for some legdrops on the arm. The short armscissors has Backlund in trouble but he does the lift, which isn’t as impressive as Sammartino was explaining what he would be able to do. A backdrop sets up Backlund’s O’Connor roll out of the corner…..for the pin at 2:27. Well that was quick, with Backlund looking almost as polished as anyone on the show so far.

Post match, Backlund talks to some kids for a nice moment. After Backlund leaves, here’s Lou Albano to knock out Mr. Red and steal his pants.

We recap Bob Orton/Cactus Jack vs. Wet N Wild, which seems to be a rematch from February and March, with both times seeing a surfboard involved.

Wet N Wild vs. Cactus Jack/Bob Orton Jr.

Jack and Orton have John Tolos with them. Wet N Wild are Sunny Beach and Steve Ray and one of the few gimmicks that makes a lot of sense at a show called BEACH Brawl. It’s a brawl to start with Wet N Wild dropping Orton and Jack so they can shove Tolos into a shark cage. The cage is raised and we settle down into a regular match. Jack throws Beach outside in a hurry and Orton knocks him down again, setting up the middle rope elbow to the concrete. Seriously…….just dang Jack.

Back in and Orton stomps away on Beach, setting up a not great looking suplex. Jack’s Russian legsweep gets two but Beach grabs a fall away slam. The hot tag brings in Ray to clean house but the ref gets bumped in the corner. Everything breaks down and Tolos throws brass knuckles to Orton. If you don’t know what is going to happen next, you have no business reading this. Beach gets the pin on Jack at 4:33.

Rating: D+. This felt like “we’re desperately out of time but here’s a finish”. The ending was one of the lamer finishes you can find but at least they did something to give the good guys the win. It doesn’t help that the match was, yet again, something that flew by and didn’t have time to do anything whatsoever.

Post match Jack is busted open and the brawl is on with Tolos not being able to break it up.

We look at how Bam Bam Bigelow and Steve Williams made the tournament finals. Bigelow beat Ivan Koloff, Colonel DeBeers and Cactus Jack while Williams beat Nikolai Volkoff, Steve Ray and then drew a bye.

UWF SportsChannel TV Title: Bam Bigelow vs. Steve Williams

For the inaugural title. The bell rings but we need to have Herb Abrams bring out the title, which will be the company’s top title as they don’t have a World Title. Williams isn’t waiting though and Abrams is shoved down, only to have Bigelow hit a clothesline and headbutts. Some shots to the face have Williams busted open early but he explodes with a heck of a clothesline.

Some knees to the face have Bigelow down again but he comes back with the headbutts (not a good idea as he is busted open as well). Bigelow’s slingshot splash gets two and he plants Williams with a DDT. The top rope splash gets two but Williams is back with a belly to belly suplex for his own near fall. Another clothesline connects and Williams is getting all fired up. Some running shoulders drop Bigelow and a powerslam gets two. Williams can’t hit the Oklahoma Stampede so he settles for another powerslam to finish Bigelow for the title at 7:33.

Rating: C-. And that’s your match of the night with a resounding “well it wasn’t THAT bad”. They did a decent power match here and Williams winning is a marginally better choice. Then again, Bigelow would be main eventing Wrestlemania in less than four years and Williams would be heading back to Japan so…..honestly it’s about a tossup for their respective futures.

Post match, Williams praises Bigelow and says he’s ready for every challenger. Abrams challenges every champion everywhere to come and face Williams.

The announcers talk about what we just saw.

Williams talks about how awesome he is but needs to leave to see another doctor. For some reason, the interviewer counts the pin on the replay in Spanish.

Buy our merch!

Quick recap of the results (again with the Black Harts being spelled differently and it’s Backlund, not Backland) wraps things up.

Roll credits.

Overall Rating: F. I don’t know how to say this, but it’s really not the worst thing I’ve ever see. It’s really, REALLY bad, but there’s nothing on there that makes it legendarily bad. The bigger problem here is more that there’s absolutely nothing worth watching and the show is a big waste of time. If this is what they wanted to challenge the main two promotions, they’re reaching Vince Russo levels of delusion.

Overall, the show just feels like the most low budget of indy shows with a bunch of names who were past their primes but probably worked cheap. There isn’t even anything to get mad about, as the only really bad/stupid thing was the double countout in the street fight. There is no reason to watch this as it’s not Heroes of Wrestling or anything close to it, but rather a completely lifeless show that felt like it got caught in a time warp and staggered into 1991. Don’t watch this and just let it be remembered for what it was: forgetful.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw – September 19, 1994: The Saving Grace

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 19, 1994
Location: Lowell Memorial Auditorium, Lowell, Massachusetts
Attendance: 2,300
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage

The big attraction here is Jerry Lawler vs. Duke the Dumpster Droese. I don’t know what else there is to say here, but that’s the high point of the show. We have nothing better than Lawler vs. a trashman and we’re not even in Memphis to make it feel special. I’m almost scared to see what we’re getting here as it’s the dreaded last night of a taping cycle. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a look at Tatanka joining the Million Dollar Corporation. Unlike Lex Luger, he understands the value of a dollar.

Opening sequence.

Lex Luger vs. The Executioner

I’d bet on that being Dwayne Gill under a mask. Luger headlocks and shoulders him down to start but Executioner grabs a small package for two. Some forearms to the back stagger Luger but he’s right back with a running clothesline. The Rack is good for a fast submission.

Duke Droese vs. Jerry Lawler

They’re getting to the big one early this week. Before the match, Lawler makes trash jokes about Droese being filthy. The chase is on before the bell but Lawler is finally willing to get inside. Lawler’s headlock gives him a big smile so Droese shoves him hard into the corner. That means Lawler hides behind the referee as he continues to know how to rile the fans up while doing a grand total of nothing.

Now it’s Lawler being sent outside so he can yell at some fans, followed by a big hiptoss inside. Droese hammers away in the corner for a face first fall, meaning Lawler needs another breather. Back in and Lawler gets backdropped so it’s another trip to the floor and we take a break. We come back with Lawler stalling more, all with the fans being rather annoyed with him (in a good way).

It’s time to go to Memphis with the invisible object and a single shot puts Droese down. Lawler gets on the rope and poses and it’s time to slug away. The middle rope fist gets two but Droese launches him with the kickout. There’s the piledriver but Lawler goes outside to get the trashcan. Cue Dink of all people to spray Lawler with a water gun. The chase is on and that’s a countout to give Droese the win.

Rating: D+. I could go with the standard Lawler antics but then a miniature clown came in to cause a countout because Lawler got distracted by a trashcan. That’s one thing for a fun little match somewhere on the show but this was the featured match on the card, to the point where they even advertised it twice last week. It had some promise and then turned into a product of the era.

Post match the chase is still on until Doink comes out to send Lawler running into the crowd.

Heavenly Bodies vs. Mike Bell/Steve King

Joined in progress with Del Ray suplexing King and rubbing a forearm to his face. Prichard comes in for an elbow drop and it’s already back to Del Ray for a dropkick. A suplex sets up the moonsault to finish King in a hurry. Bell never even tagged in.

Another New Generation confession ad. They thought it was so great that they did another version?

Vince McMahon brings out Bob Backlund for an interview. Bob is booed out of the building, having recently snapped on Bret Hart. Vince asks what is going on in Backlund’s head but Bob needs to make it clear that he is NOT a former champion. He’s coming up on seventeen years as WWF Champion and starts ranting about society today, including bad pencils.

The fans are the ones who changed and he put the chickenwing on Bret because he wants to put it on every one of the fans. The people have manipulated themselves because the chickenwing is the greatest hold in wrestling. Even Bret can’t get out of it and it’s not his fault that people in America can’t stick to a diet or can’t read. Vince asks about Backlund saying no one can escape the chickenwing after saying for years that no one can escape the hold.

Bob is so confident in the hold that if anyone can escape it from the mat, he’ll retire. The jacket comes off and it’s time for a demonstration on a WWF Magazine writer at ringside. The chickenwing goes on and Backlund cranks on the thing, causing Vince himself to try for the save. It’s so much that Savage comes in for the real save, leaving Backlund just staring at his hands. He is MR. BACKLUND and you can feel it. This was awesome as Backlund came off as a complete psycho and having Vince getting involved made it even better.

Bob Holly vs. Richie Rich

Isn’t Macaulay Culkin a little young to be a jobber here? Commentary completely ignores the match to rant about Backlund as Holly works on the arm to start. A clothesline into a high crossbody finishes Rich in a hurry.

Yokozuna vs. Phil Apollo

Vince is back to normal and Yokozuna is making a rare solo appearance. Yokozuna elbows him down to start and hammers Apollo down in the corner without much effort. The Banzai Drop is good for the fast pin.

Post match Undertaker’s music hits to freak Yokozuna out.

Overall Rating: D+. That Backlund promo came as close to saving a rotten show as you can get though even it had a limit. The rest of the show was pretty terrible, though I can appreciate the last two matches being short and to the point rather than dragging them out longer than necessary. They need a pay per view to build towards though because hearing about the Hart Attack Tour every few seconds isn’t quite cutting it.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XI (2015 Redo): You Know…..Maybe

IMG Credit: WWE

Wrestlemania XI
Date: April 2, 1995
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Attendance: 16,305
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

A special Olympian sings America the Beautiful. Nothing wrong with that.

Allied Powers vs. Blu Brothers

Zebekiah demands justice because the wrong Blu got pinned.

Nicholas Turturro is supposed to interview Pamela Anderson but we have audio difficulties.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Back inside and Roadie cheats a bit with some choking, only to have Jeff miss a charge and land on him. All Razor so far. Back in again and Jarrett hits a swinging neckbreaker and some dropkicks to take over. We hit the chinlock for a bit before things speed up with both guys getting near falls. Jarrett hooks a sleeper that lasts even less time than the chinlock so Jeff punches him down and hooks another chinlock.

Rating: C. This match was mainly punches but Razor was so insanely over the he carried the crowd. Jarrett was pretty dull at this point but he would reach all new levels of dull later on in WCW. Razor would finally get the title back in a ladder match on a house show in May, but it would only last for two days. The match here was ok but nothing worth seeing. It was better than the first match though.

Post match Jarrett puts the Kid in the Figure Four.

Jarrett says that was perfectly good conduct for a champion.

Turturro is with Jenny McCarthy and nothing of note is said. Pamela Anderson is nowhere to be seen but Shawn pops in to say nothing is wrong. Team DiBiase is behind them planning for later. Sid says Diesel is going down tonight.

King Kong Bundy vs. Undertaker

This is part of the never ending Undertaker vs. Million Dollar Corporation feud. The Corporation stole the Urn at the Rumble and tonight is about revenge and getting the Urn back. Before Taker comes out, Todd Pettingil talks to some football player. The referee is a Major League umpire who is moonlighting because MLB is on strike. Undertaker stares at DiBiase before the bell and Ted drops the Urn.

Tag Titles: Owen Hart/??? vs. Smoking Gunns

Rating: C-. Another decent but lackluster match here which is the theme of this show. The Gunns losing was definitely the right call as Owen and Yoko made for dominant champions for several months. Other than that though, the match was boring stuff overall. Owen finally getting a title was a good moment though.

Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund

This is an I Quit match with Roddy Piper as guest referee. They had a previous I Quit match at Survivor Series which wound up being pretty awesome as an old school style match that ran about thirty five minutes. Thanks to Owen cheating, Backlund won the title and shocked the world, so tonight is about revenge for Hart. Piper is here for no apparent reason whatsoever.

Backlund says he saw the light and looks crazier than usual.

Pamela Anderson is nowhere to be found so changes have been made. Ok then.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Diesel

Diesel is defending and Jenny McCarthy comes out with Shawn. Pam Anderson comes out with Diesel to tick Shawn off, even though I thought McCarthy looked better. Shawn tries to jump Diesel but gets backdropped to the floor so Anderson can come in and pose. We actually get going and Shawn is dropped by a right hand. Diesel beals him out of the corner and Shawn is in trouble early.

Diesel is thrown to the floor but Shawn skins the cat to stay alive. A BIG dive off the top takes Diesel down and a baseball slide keeps him down. Shawn tries another baseball slide but Diesel steps to the side, only to accidentally ram himself ribs first into the post. A Sid chant breaks out as Shawn hits a running splash off the apron. They get back in as Sid and Hebner get in an argument which goes nowhere.

Diesel celebrates with all the celebrities.

The Million Dollar Team is introduced for the main event: Bundy, Tatanka, Nikolai Volkoff, Kama, I.R.S. and DiBiase himself. We also get the NFL All-Pro Team: Ken Norton, Chris Speilman, Rickey Jackson, Carl Banks, Steve McMichael and Reggie White.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Lawrence Taylor

Back in and Bigelow gets in some shots to take over including a headbutt. A falling headbutt misses so Taylor fires off a big forearm to take Bigelow down. Bam Bam pounds him right back down and puts on a Boston crab which almost immediately shifts into a half crab. It breaks down even further into Bigelow just pulling on one leg. Now he just leans on it instead of cranking on it.

Bigelow misses an enziguri but Taylor falls down anyway. The top rope headbutt gets another two and the crowd reacts a bit. Taylor gets his last gasp of energy though and pounds Bigelow in the corner before hitting a pair of big forearms. A third from the middle rope is enough for the shocking upset.

Taylor can barely stand up post match and the team has to help him back. DiBiase goes on a rant to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

Allied Powers vs. Blu Brothers

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C-

Razor Ramon vs. Jeff Jarrett

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C

Undertaker vs. King Kong Bundy

Original: F+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Owen Hart/Yokozuna vs. Smoking Gunns

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C-

Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart

Original: F+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Diesel vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Original: D+

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: F+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Man this show just isn’t fun.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/18/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-11-just-get-it-over-with/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/20/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xi-an-extremely-underrated-show/

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XI (2013 Redo): Shawn Can Only Do So Much

IMG Credit: WWE

Wrestlemania XI
Date: April 2, 1995
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Attendance: 16,305
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

A special Olympian sings America the Beautiful. Nothing wrong with that.

Allied Powers vs. Blu Brothers

Zebekiah demands justice because the wrong Blu got pinned.

Nicholas Turturro is supposed to interview Pamela Anderson but we have audio difficulties.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Post match Jarrett puts the Kid in the Figure Four.

Jarrett says that was perfectly good conduct for a champion.

King Kong Bundy vs. Undertaker

Tag Titles: Owen Hart/??? vs. Smoking Gunns

Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund

Backlund says he saw the light and looks crazier than usual.

Pamela Anderson is nowhere to be found so changes have been made. Ok then.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Diesel

Diesel celebrates with all the celebrities.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Lawrence Taylor

Taylor can barely stand up post match and the team has to help him back. DiBiase goes on a rant to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

Allied Powers vs. Blu Brothers

Original: D

Redo: C-

Razor Ramon vs. Jeff Jarrett

Original: D+

Redo: C

Undertaker vs. King Kong Bundy

Original: F+

Redo: D

Owen Hart/Yokozuna vs. Smoking Gunns

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart

Original: F+

Redo: D+

Diesel vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B

Redo: B

Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Original: D+

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: F+

Redo: D+

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/18/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-11-just-get-it-over-with/

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XI (Original): The Dark Days

IMG Credit: WWE

Wrestlemania 11
Date: April 2, 1995
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Attendance: 16,305
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler
America the Beautiful: Kathy Huey

Oh goodness, we did have to get to this eventually didn’t we? If you remember my review of WM 9 being the worst WM ever, I should have said it would be the worst for the next two years. This show is one of the most interesting in wrestling history from a reaction standpoint. From the fans’ perspective, this show is what’s played on a constant loop in the seventh circle of purgatory, minus the WWF Title match.

The number one issue I have right off the bat with this is that it’s from Hartford, Connecticut. Seriously, HARTFORD??? Wrestlemania has broadcast from New York, LA, Chicago, Toronto, Las Vegas, and now HARTFORD? It just doesn’t sound right. Another factor here is that there’s a whopping total of 7 matches. What’s the main event you ask?

Would it be Shawn Michaels getting his first WWF Title match since becoming a main eventer against his former bodyguard Diesel? Nope. We get Bam Bam Bigelow who was wrestling a clown last year against Lawrence Taylor, a former football player and current contestant on Dancing With The Stars. The sad thing is, I’m not making this up. The weird thing though is, this show allegedly brought the WWF back into the war with WCW.

The ratings were decent and it got the company the main stream exposure it’s looking for. Think of it like the modern day TNA: the hardcore wrestling fans like us mostly hate it, but the common fans eat it up. Go figure. Anyway, let’s get on with this so I can look for a hammer to apply to my head.

The opening video is about various Manias through the years which tends to be a theme in these opening videos.

Your celebrities this year are Pamela Anderson (actual celebrity), Jonathan Taylor Thomas (Randy on Home Improvement. Another child star that did nothing.), Jenny McCarthy (Mini-celebrity now, she was at the last SNME so points for that I guess), some guy from NYPD Blue, and Salt N Peppa, who hit on Bret Hart which just looks ridiculous. A special Olympian sings America the Beautiful, and it’s time for our first match.

Ok not quite yet as we get a very interesting chat from Vince and Jerry about what Wrestlemania is. You don’t get to hear that much from Vince. It’s short and sweet but it got the point across just fine. NOW on to the match.

Lex Luger/British Bulldog vs. The Blu Brothers

No that’s not a typo, it’s spelled Blu. These guys have the gimmick of being two incredibly hick brothers from the mountains. You know them better as D.O.A., the Harris Brothers, or those two big white bald guys that are in every promotion on the planet. My goodness how far has Lex fallen in a year? He’s going after the WWF Title and next year is curtain jerking in a tag match?

The twins are named Jacob and Eli in case you were so bored you were actually wondering. Lex and Davey go by the name the Allied Powers. That delayed vertical suplex by Davey never gets old. It’s nothing short of amazing. Definitely like the fact that Bulldog’s tights are about 3 sizes too small. Oh yeah we have a match to get to.

For some reason the Brothers come down second. The Brothers try to jump them which winds up in a pair of powerslams for them. Note that this is just a powerslam and not The Powerslam by Bulldog so it’s just a normal match. Bulldog is in trouble early on as the power of evil double teaming has him hurting.

A double big boot puts Bulldog down as Luger is just worthless on the apron here. The fans aren’t incredibly impressed. Jerry says that Bulldog has only lost once at Mania which isn’t true as he lost at both #3 and #4. Luger comes in and the fans pop just slightly. I guess the jump back to WCW was the right move indeed. Another powerslam gets no cover.

The loaded forearm gets two as the other twin makes the save. Uncle Zebekiah gets drilled and it’s Twin Magic time. One twin goes for a powerbomb/Piledriver but Luger makes a blind tag, allowing the Bulldog to hit a top rope sunset flip for the pin, prompting a fireworks display to go off.

Rating: D. Not bad, but just there. It’s nothing special at all and I’m not sure how many people really cared. The crowd was about as dead as I’ve ever heard for a Mania opener, and that’s including The Executioner vs. Santana back in 85. Wow I feel old for writing that. Anyway this was pretty bad and could have been on any Superstars show back in the day.

Jim Ross talks to the Uncle who says this is what they deserved for being in the big city. They pinned the wrong guy and that’s not the last you’ll see of the twins.

The NYPD Blue guy is with the Million Dollar Team (DiBiase’s stable of mostly jobbers) when he’s supposed to be in the dressing room of Pam Anderson but the mic doesn’t work. As an aside, during the show Lawler accidentally knocked some cords loose and he and Vince had to redo the entire commentary on the show from watching video. Due to that, the commentary you’ll hear on these matches isn’t live at all.

Lawler describes football as a game where eleven men spend hours trying to move a small object 100 yards, which is just like the post office. What that has to do with this is beyond me but it sounded good at the time. Oh it’s about the NFL guys here for the main event.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

No real story here other than they’re feuding for no apparent reason. Jarrett is in his country music gimmick here and even the Fink sounds bored out of his mind here. Jarrett won the title at the Rumble thanks to the Roadie (Road Dogg in case you didn’t know that) interfering. 1-2-3 Kid and Ramon are in the back and say that Ramon is ready.

Razor was so over back then it’s insane. Vince makes a weird comment saying that Ramon knows where he is at all times. Not sure why that’s a compliment. Don’t most people know where they’re located? It’s either a Vince line or a rib that 3 people get. Razor is all over Jarrett to start this off. Jarrett hits the floor and Razor gets to shoot off his pyro. He gets about three covers in the first 2 minutes, all off punches.

Double J may have hurt his tooth. Rollup gets two for Razor. Roadie saves Jarrett from the Razor’s Edge and Jarrett tries to leave but the Kid is waiting in the aisle to stop that. Five minutes in and JJ’s biggest move has been a hard Irish whip. You know for all of his detractors, Jarrett can wrestle quite well. I’ve always wondered why he didn’t get the recognition as a star that he deserved.

Jarrett tries to get on offense but can’t get anything long term going at all. He gets thrown to the floor again as the crowd dies all over again. Jeff gets some dropkicks in and here comes the guy from Tennessee. We hit the chinlock and the fans get going a bit. At least it’s a fast one as Razor gets a backslide for two. Sleeper goes on Razor and again it lasts just a few seconds. Oh hey here’s another chinlock to keep us interested.

This match just isn’t flowing. It’s like they’re working move to move and it’s showing badly. In a really stupid looking sequence, they both hit the ropes and hit head to head. Then they get up and hit the ropes again and both punch each other. It’s more or less the same spot twice in a row. Just looked stupid. This referee is counting ridiculously fast too.

Fallaway slam gets two. Discus punch gets Jeff down. Can Razor do anything else besides punch and go for the Edge? Razor hurts his knee going for a top rope bulldog, which is the same knee that was hurt THREE MONTHS AGO at the Rumble. Of course it’s still sore. Why wouldn’t it be?

Figure four by Jarrett as the Roadie pulls on Jarrett’s arms for more leverage. I’ve always wondered about that. How does it make it hurt more? I love how Razor’s knee is hurt badly, yet he can pick a 230lb man up, sit him on the top rope and belly to back suplex him from it without his knee giving out.

He gets him up for the Razor’s Edge but Roadie chop blocks him for the DQ. Post match, all four men brawl. JR asks Jarrett about his cheating and Jarrett says he’ll always be the IC Champion. If by always he means until he jumps to WCW and then back to the WWF, loses to Chyna after being hit by a fish and then is banned from the company because Austin hated him, they yes he’ll always be champion.

Rating: D+. This was WAY too many punches and rest holds. These two have had far better matches before, such as at the Rumble. Razor probably had 90% of his offense from throwing punches. Jarrett wasn’t anywhere nearly as serious as he should have been at this point and that change wouldn’t come for many years. Definitely a weak match from them.

Since there was no audio earlier, let’s redo the exact movements from the interview earlier on. Pamela Anderson is nowhere to be found. Shawn and Sid say that Diesel is afraid.

Todd Pettingil gets in a 3 point stance with a football player and that’s all there is to this pointless bit.

The Undertaker vs. King Kong Bundy

This is the result of a mini feud with DiBiase and Kama over the Urn being stolen for about the 12^th time. A baseball umpire is refereeing the match for no apparent reason. Bundy charges straight at him to start but that gets him nowhere. Old School can’t take him down. A bunch of clotheslines finally put the bald man down.

Bundy knocks him to the floor and Taker gets the Urn back. Now of course Bundy is in big trouble as Taker is all ticked off. Here’s Kama (Godfather) to steal it back again. This is going as fast as I’m typing it so it’s not like I’m skipping over a ton of stuff. Taker grabs Kama’s face but Bundy makes the save and Kama escapes.

Ross grabs an interview with Kama who says he’s going to melt it down and make a chain out of it and put it around his neck, which he wound up doing. Bundy chokes away in the corner, showing off his vast array of offensive talents. This referee is rather bad at counting. Bearer plays cheerleader to try to get Taker out of a chinlock. Avalanche hits in the corner but Taker is no Special Delivery Jones so it has no effect. A slam and the jumping clothesline of all things end this.

Rating: F+. Oh man this was bad. Taker was completely lacking direction at this point and it was painfully obvious that they had no clue what to do with him. He would feud with Kama for a bit before feuding with King Mabel for a bit until FINALLY Mankind debuted to give Taker something to do long term. Terrible match.

Oh look, the NYPD Blue guy still can’t find Pamela Anderson. Steve McMichael says he’ll take down Kama. The rest of the All-Pro Team says they’ll take care of the Million Dollar Team. The NYPD Blue guy does find Jonathan Taylor Thomas beating Bob Backlund at chess though. I never thought I’d have to type that. Backlund’s rant about the world being screwed up is hilarious.

Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. Owen Hart/???

Owen has a mystery partner here. The Smoking Gunns are a great example of the failure of tag wrestling during this time period. They were definitely talented, but absolutely no one cared about them. They’re practically forgotten but were one of the most successful tag teams from this time frame.

As you probably know, the partner is Yokozuna. Oddly enough the partner comes out before the Guns, the champions, do. This is of course about Bret somehow because Owen is completely obsessed with Bret. Yoko weighs a few tons by this point and is straight up waddling to the ring. The Gunns say they don’t care who the partner is. Billy with a mullet and a mustache is freaky looking.

More fireworks for the champions here. What’s with that tonight for the tag teams? Owen and Billy start us off. That’s the most talented combination out there I guess. Apparently Owen and Neidhart were eliminated from the tag tournament to determine the #1 contenders so this is a result of that. The Gunns work on the arm of Owen to start which lasts only a few seconds as it’s off to Yoko.

The leg drop misses and Yoko takes over again. And never mind as it’s back to Owen again. Cornette is yelling at the fans which is one of the more entertaining parts of the show. Double Russian legsweep to the Canadian by the American cowboys. Yoko gets sent to the floor as we’re in the Colossal Connection formula here: Owen does the vast majority of the work while Yoko is brought in as the heavy hitter.

Apparently Men on a Mission have turned heel on the Gunns. Riveting indeed and unfortunately it set up King Mabel. The Gunns hit a modified Sidewinder (side slam/legdrop combination) for two on Owen. Yoko comes in and gets the legdrop on the back of Billy’s head to more or less kill him. I’m surprised Yoko has been in the ring this long.

LONG nerve hold by Yoko on Billy to waste a lot of time. Yoko misses a legdrop and Bart comes in. Everything breaks down and Billy gets killed by a belly to belly from the fat man. Banzai Drop ends Billy and Owen gets the pin for the title, which might be his first in the company if that’s possible.

Rating: D+. Eh just a tag match here. The Gunns were boring beyond belief and Yoko was so fat that he could barely move at all. This was simply to have a title switch on the show much like the first show in the series. Boring match and somehow the best one so far I think if that’s possible.

Bigelow says he’ll destroy Lawrence Taylor. There was a Mania Work Out and they had a skirmish there too. This feud never really got going for me but the media actually paid attention so there’s that I guess. This interview takes forever and nothing special is said at all.

Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund

This is an I Quit match with Roddy Piper as referee for no apparent reason. Vince says Roddy knows something about submission. What in the world would that be anyway? This was their second submission match technically as the other was a throw in the towel match that had to end in submission if I remember right. Piper would be Commissioner by the next Mania.

Backlund is more or less crazy here which was rather impressive given how completely different he used to be back in his glory days. I’m still mad about not getting Bret’s glasses when I was a kid. The annoying kid next to me got them. I did however get a Slaughter helmet. Bret gets a headbutt to start and the fight is on. Sharpshooter can’t go on early.

Vince doesn’t remember Piper losing to Bret at Mania 8. Some fan he is. Bret goes for the Sharpshooter again and can’t get it. You couldn’t tell that from Vince as he keeps changing his reaction every five seconds. “Yes! No. Yes! No.” Is he the Zodiac or something? Figure Four goes on but Backlund reverses it. Neither guy says they quit as we get a quick check-in with the German commentators for no apparent reason.

Bret works the knee again as this is rather boring. Piper needs to quit asking them if they quit so often. Backlund works on the arm as I try to find a good novel to read so I don’t have to watch this for awhile. Backlund hooks a Fujiwara armbar and Bret says No to Piper. That was a shocking line then apparently which is amusing given that in an I Quit match in 99 with HHH vs. Rock, HHH said Suck It when he was asked if he quit.

Backlund likes that armbar. Jerry talks about breaking into a pyramid (what the heck?) and seeing a picture of Stu Hart with a headlock on King Tut (where does he get these jokes from?). Sharpshooter almost goes on but Backlund gets to the ropes before it gets cinched in. Bret charges again and his shoulder hits the post to put him in real trouble.

There’s the Crossface Chickenwing and Bret is in trouble. And never mind as he casually reverses and gets a horrible version of it on Backlund for the submission. You know, from all that devastating work that he did on Backlund’s arm the whole time. This was an awful match if you didn’t get it.

Rating: F+. This was really bad. Backlund was just flat out too old to be a serious main event threat by this point and while Bret was sharp as ever, Bob just didn’t have it in him anymore. Bret has called it the worst match of his career and he might be right. Backlund’s I saw the Light thing led to an angle where he would run for President of all things. As you can guess, it went nowhere. Also, having a Bret match lack any and all psychology is very weird indeed.

Backlund is leaving and says he saw the light. This would mean he became a Presidential candidate.

Ok, the NYPD guy was annoying at first. Now he’s just making me mad. NO ONE CARES. They’re changing the celebrities around.

More audio issues as Todd tries to talk to Diesel. He finally says that he’s going to keep the title. He slips up when he’s trying to say if he’s going to regain or retain the title and finally screams HOLD ONTO IT. This was back when Nash was actually really good and got the reputation he’s lived off for years now.

Celebrities are introduced as Jerry Lawler reveals he accidentally unplugged some cords.

WWF Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Diesel

The deal was supposed to be McCarthy came out with Diesel and Anderson, who was viewed as ten times hotter and more important than McCarthy (nonsense) would come out with the Rumble winner, Shawn. For obvious reasons, this got reversed. The NYPD Blue guy is the ring announcer and he’s miles better at this than he is as an interviewer. He shouts almost everything he says and for the sake of this, it works really well.

The story here is Diesel was Shawn’s bodyguard but realized he was awesome on his own so he turned face and won the WWF Title. Sid replaced him as the bodyguard and the exact same thing would happen in about a year. Shawn has finally morphed into the character that would make him a legend by this point. As weird as this sounds, Diesel is a freaking beast at this point. Sweet intro, the music was cool, he has Pamela Anderson, just the complete look. What in the world happened to that? Anderson simply couldn’t want to be here less if her life depended on it.

Shawn hammers away to start as we’re already into the power vs. speed area. Diesel had been champion since a few days after Survivor Series so he had almost 7 more months with the title here. Diesel sends Shawn to the floor as we look at the ladies. Sid distracts the referee but Shawn can’t get in a shot on Diesel. Suplex puts Shawn down.

Back to the floor again as Sid and Diesel stare each other down one more time. Diesel counters a sunset flip as this is more or less one sided so far. Nash gets sent to the floor but Shawn Skins the Cat and dives down to crush Diesel. Baseball slide has the champion in trouble. We look at Anderson again and sweet goodness does she want to be anywhere else but here.

The fans loudly chant for Sid, thus proving that this entire match is booked wrong. Shawn hits a splash off the apron to the floor as Diesel is in trouble. Back in the ring Shawn stomps away and hits a bulldog for two. I’ve never liked that move at all. Reverse cross body off the middle rope gets two again. Shawn works on the arm and gets a LET’S GO SHAWN chant in his honor.

Ok make that he’s working on Diesel’s ribs. A top rope elbow to the back gets two in what is for some reason a highlight reel clip for Shawn. Never really have gotten why but it certainly is. Off to the chinlock now as the fans still like Shawn better. Diesel fights back and gets Snake Eyes to get some momentum going. Flair Flip in the corner and Shawn hits the floor again.

Nash follows and it’s time to see Shawn’s tights pulled down as is the tradition for big matches he’s in for no apparent reason. They slug it out on the floor and the referee twists his ankle getting down. I guess it wasn’t an Attitude Era thing. Back in the ring Shawn gets Sweet Chin Music but there’s no referee which would be a factor in Shawn’s reasoning as to why he lost.

It gets two and the fans boo loudly on the kickout. Sid goes to an old school heel move and rips off the turnbuckle pad. Diesel gets a suplex to avoid being rammed into it and both guys are down. Shawn gets an arm over him for a long two as the fans aren’t seeming to care much here.

In a slick counter, Diesel catches a bulldog off the middle rope in a side slam. Nice move. Shawn circles Diesel but gets his legs tripped from under him. Diesel goes old school with a slingshot into the exposed buckle. If only that had actually been where he landed, as Shawn’s head hit the middle buckle instead of the top one. Big boot and Jackknife end this anyway.

Rating: B. As you can tell, I really like this match. It’s not famous at all but it’s definitely solid all around. There was a story with the ribs, a controversy that would lead to rematches and a clean ending. The match also got enough time to put on something decent and it showed. Shawn was clearly coming into his own but still wanted to prove himself. Solid effort all around and a very good match. These two had some of the most forgotten great matches of all time and this is one of them for sure.

Shawn and Sid complain to Ross and say it’s not over, which it wasn’t. The celebrities celebrate with Diesel forever and Nash gets both chicks.

Shawn complains even more in the back.

Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

If you have never seen a person die and you want to…actually if you want to I’d recommend psychiatric help. But anyway, right here you’re about to see a man’s career die right in front of your eyes.

Here it is. Let it be known throughout the universe and all the world, that the reason that WM 11 is called the worst WM of all time is this match and this angle right here. Here’s the idea: for those of you that don’t know, LT is one of the best football players of all time, bar none. He was at the Royal Rumble in the front row and Bigelow shoved him, leading to this.

Instead of the WWF Title being on the line in the main event of the biggest show of the year, we get a retired football player against a barely upper midcarder that was about 8 years past his prime. Do I even need to explain why this was a bad idea? Each man has a group of 5 supporters at ringside so it’s more or less a lumberjack match. Their entrances take the greater part of forever. Oh and Salt N Peppa sing LT to the ring.

Pat Patterson of all people is the referee. There are so many jokes I could make about that I don’t know where to start. This is by far and away the main event of the show which still makes my head shake. I used to complain that Lawrence couldn’t wrestle but that was the point I think: he wasn’t supposed to be able to wrestle but rather be able to fight.

Diesel had been showing him some stuff apparently. The bell hasn’t rung yet so we’re just hanging around and waiting to start. Patterson wants a handshake but Lawrence slaps Bigelow instead and it’s on. Taylor likes to throw forearms which makes sense as it’s a basic strike. Taylor sends him to the floor with Bigelow doing the majority of the work to get himself over the top.

Bigelow misses a corner splash and Taylor gets a belly to back for two. More forearms which keep working so naturally he keeps going with them. Taylor gets in the face of the Million Dollar Team as we’re still waiting on the big brawl between the guys on the floor. Lawrence gets caught on his way back in and now we get into the main part of the match.

They’re going very slow which is understandable here. Falling headbutt misses Taylor but he can’t capitalize and Bigelow takes over again. Boston Crab goes on which shifts into a sloppy half crab instead. Ok now it’s shifted into more or less Bigelow pulling on Taylor’s leg. This is a very different kind of match and not incredibly interesting.

The rope is finally grabbed and Taylor goes back to the forearms. A suplex gets Taylor out of trouble for a bit and both guys are down. Bigelow gets the advantage again and hits the Moonsault but hurts his knee, having to roll off. He covers shortly thereafter and gets two to ZERO reaction. I think the fans were confused or flat out didn’t care. Either way it’s not a good sign.

LT gets a gutwrench suplex that is called a Jackknife for two. Enziguri puts Taylor down again and this is really needing to end like now. Top rope headbutt gets two and a tiny reaction. Taylor makes his big comeback and hammers away with the forearms and now the crowd is getting into it. In the big spot of the match, LT goes to the middle rope and hits a flying forearm to get the pin. Taylor might have been hurt but he seems ok. DiBiase rips into Bigelow post match, setting up his failure of a face turn.

Rating: D+. Well they tried. I’ll give them that: they tried. For the life of me I don’t get why this is what they closed the show with. Well actually I do as it was certainly the biggest match, but it shouldn’t have been if that makes sense. Taylor’s offense made sense as he kept at it with the forearms, but the match didn’t work for the most part. Still though, not completely unwatchable but not incredibly good.

Overall Rating: F+. Yeah this show is still boring. It feels more like an In Your House rather than what it should have been, which is the biggest show of the year. Shawn vs. Diesel is good and that’s about it. Everything else is completely forgettable to say the least and the main event is one of the biggest headscratchers of all time.

To give you an idea of how odd this show is, it runs less than two and a half hours. Think about that. Wrestlemania ran less than two and a half hours. The show was shockingly well received though and it got a solid buyrate for the time. It doesn’t hold up well at all and that’s what kills it. 95 simply wasn’t kind to PPV and this is probably the second worst show of the year, after Summerslam. Bad show.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series Count-Up – 1994 (2012 Redo): What Once Was Old Is Old Again

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 1994
Date: November 23, 1994
Location: Freeman Coliseum, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Gorilla Monsoon

We open with a clip from earlier today of the team captains giving their teams pep talks.

Gorilla and Vince are dressed as cowboys. Gorilla looks like he could almost pull the look off but Vince looks like a schnook.

Teamsters vs. Bad Guys

Teamsters: Diesel, Shawn Michaels, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart, Jeff Jarrett

Bad Guys: Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid, British Bulldog, Headshrinkers

Rating: C. This was all angle and not much wrestling. This was the big face turn for Diesel which would result in the World Title very soon after this. It was a face turn that made sense too as he was tired of Shawn telling him what to do and getting hurt as a result, so he gave up and went after Shawn. Ticked off giants are very fun, so the first few months of Diesel Power were fun stuff. It was the other eight or nine months that stopped being fun.

Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us

Royal Family: Jerry Lawler, Queasy, Sleazy, Cheesy

Clowns R Us: Doink, Dink, Wink, Pink

Jerry says he won the match and not the other ones. They celebrate anyway and Lawler keeps yelling, so they turn on him and the clowns join in for a six on one beatdown. The big payoff is Doink hitting Lawler with a pie. This ran nearly TWENTY MINUTES out of a two hour and forty minute show.

WWF World Title: Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart

Million Dollar Team vs. Guts And Glory

Million Dollar Team: Tatanka, King King Bundy, Bam Bam Bigelow, Heavenly Bodies

Guts and Glory: Lex Luger, Adam Bomb, Mabel, Smoking Gunns

A group beatdown on Lex follows the match. The Gunns and Bomb make the save.

Yokozuna vs. Undertaker

Ratings Comparison

Teamsters vs. Bad Guys

Original: C-

Redo: C

Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us

Original: G (as in below an F)

Redo: S

Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart

Original: A

Redo: A

Million Dollar Team vs. Guts and Glory

Original: C-

Redo: C

Undertaker vs. Yokozuna

Original: D+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: C-

That’s probably as close as any of these second looks are going to go.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/13/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-mr-bob-backlund-and-chuck-norris/

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series Count-Up – 1994 (Original): I Quit

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 1994
Date: November 23, 1994
Location: Freeman Coliseum, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Gorilla Monsoon

Given that commentary team, I’m a bit worried. Your main match here is Taker vs. Yoko in a rematch of the Rumble’s casket match where something like 10 guys beat up Taker and caused him to be taken out of the company for about three or four months. Tonight the guest referee is Chuck Norris. Nope I’m not making that up and I guarantee there will be a ton of jokes about it.

Other than that we have Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund for the WWF Title which is an I Quit match where someone has to throw in the towel for you, which is how Backlund lost the title back in the early 80s. Other than that we have three Survivor Series matches which don’t look very appealing.

I think they finally got the balance right here with two singles matches that were huge and the rest were traditional matches. It looks ok on paper and since this is my second time reviewing it, I know it’s at least pretty good. Let’s see if it’s as good as it was four days ago.

We open with clips of all the teams getting pep talks from their leaders. Shawn is very cocky, which would come into play later on. Lawler is the only captain that doesn’t want a camera on these meetings. Since we’re in Texas, everyone is wearing a cowboy hat. Oh how I love these theme PPVs.

The announcers run down the card with Gorilla not being able to get a word in. Yep it’s going to be one of those kinds of nights. As Fink introduces the first team, he’s really hard to understand. If I didn’t know what to listen for I’d be completely lost here.

Teamsters vs. Bad Guys

Teamsters: Shawn Michaels, Diesel, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart, Jeff Jarrett
Bad Guys: Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid, British Bulldog, Fatu, Sionne

Sionne is the Barbarian replacing Samu. Your feuds line up like this: Razor vs. Diesel, since Razor took the IC belt from him about a month or so prior to this. That’s about it really. Oh Bulldog is there because of Owen and Neidhart. Other than that, yeah there’s no feuds or drama going on at all that I can remember. On the way to the ring, Shawn dives in front of Diesel to be in the spotlight. They’re tag champions at the time. Oh that’s right.

They took the belts from the Headshrinkers so that’s at least most of the team. Vince says that Survivor Series only comes once a year. Well yeah so does every other day of the year but we don’t have a freaking PPV for it. Although I have a feeling that if Vince could get away with it he’d try to. Gorilla trying to sound like a cowboy is rather amusing. Vince and Gorilla argue over who the captain is. Shawn is really turning into the heel that he would become famous as.

Gorilla is once again glad he retired. Did this guy hate his career or something? In a running story of this match, Fatu is having trouble with his new boots. He was barefoot for years and apparently wearing boots is a plot point to a match now. Yep that makes great sense. They mention that they can’t find Jarrett’s new CD anywhere as Gorilla continues his love affair with kayfabe.

You know, Barbarian really wasn’t that bad of a worker. He had more or less the same gimmick with a few minor tweaks for his entire career and he always managed to find work. Sure he’s generic but he stuck with his stuff and he got steady work out of it. That’s really all you can ask for isn’t it? We get Owen vs. Bulldog which is of course great. Owen is now the Rocket King. Yeah that’s not a weird name at all.

If there has ever been a match of two guys that could have been world champion but never could pull it off, this is it. Bulldog does that delayed suplex on Anvil which is rather impressive. The faces have momentum so naturally, they stop things dead for another foot issue with Fatu. Jarrett and Razor go at it for awhile, which was a very good feud actually.

Shawn’s hair is ridiculously short here. He almost looks like Rick Rude if that tells you anything. Jarrett really was good in the ring. For some reason people never took to him as a superstar. I think it was the singing thing. It’s sad to hear Gorilla not be able to get more than a few lines in at a time. Vince insists that he is the best commentator of all time and he’s going to make sure you know it too.

The heels do a lot of harmless standard stuff on the Kid that isn’t really interesting at all. Diesel finally comes in and within two and a half minutes he’s eliminated everyone but Razor. It’s three jackknives and a shot that leads to a count out. That makes it 5-1 with Razor being the only guy left. As you can tell Diesel is an absolute freak at this point in time. Shawn yells at Diesel to stay in the match.

Razor is beating Diesel who to be fair is worn out at this point since he can’t buy a tag. Diesel hits the jackknife and Razor is dead. Shawn gets in for the first time and he wants Razor held up for the kick. You know what’s coming here and yep, Shawn kicks Diesel. Now the cool part: Diesel doesn’t go down. He goes to one knee, but the kick doesn’t knock him completely down. Diesel is TICKED. He goes after Shawn who runs.

The rest of his team tries to calm him down with Owen and Jarrett screaming that they need to get back before they lose. Shawn gets counted out and apparently that’s enough to eliminate all five guys and yes, Razor wins like that. Ok, let’s see why this is stupid. Number one, only Shawn was legal. If he’s the only one legal, then another ten count should have started up. Now if no one else got in before that, then sure it’s a count out.

Also, if Jarrett and Hart were so worried, why didn’t one of them run back? That would at least have made sense. This was just an odd ending. No scratch that. It was a freaking stupid ending. What was the plan here? Was this supposed to be intelligent?

To be fair though, this really did look cool and was a good face turn as this was I think the third time that this had happened. The people were getting behind Diesel at the time and they pulled the trigger on him at the perfect time. Even the fans don’t sound thrilled about Razor, the biggest face in the match, winning like this though. That’s just never a good sign.

Rating: C-. It was ok at best before Diesel got in there but then he stole the show. This was a rollercoaster of a match with no eliminations for 13 minutes then four in less than three then five at once. That’s a bit too much over the top stuff for my taste. The in ring work was solid, but this was just for Shawn and Diesel and the face turn, so that’s all fine and good I guess. It wasn’t bad, but this could have been better. I’m just not sure how.

Todd is in the back with Pettingill as he’s leaving the arena. He says that he made Diesel and that he got stabbed in the back. He throws down the belt thereby vacating them and drives off as Vince tells Todd that Diesel is on the way. Ok wait. First of all, why is Vince telling Todd this? Couldn’t it just have gone to Todd?

I know Vince likes to be involved in everything but this is ridiculous. Second, Shawn had time to get his bag, stop to talk to Todd, walk with Todd, get in his car, talk to Todd more, and Diesel was just on his way? Did he stop to have a taco or something?

Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us

Royal Family: Jerry Lawler, Cheesy, Queasy, Sleazy
Clowns R Us: Doink, Dink, Wink, Pink

Yes this is a midget match. They have three guys that look like them and yeah, that’s about it. Lawler is borderline abusive to his guys though. Since this match completely sucks, here’s the short version: Doink and Lawler do maybe a single move and then the small guys run in for a comedy spot. It’s high class stuff like running over and making faces at the other team and then running back to their corner. Yep it’s one of those kinds of matches.

The commentators imply that the kings are kids, despite them having FACIAL HAIR. To prove the stupidity of this match, the announcers point out that when one of the big guys is pinned, the guy that pins him is in essence eliminated too since it can only be big vs. big and little vs. little. This comedy stuff goes on for about ten minutes. That’s just freaking stupid. The holds and moves they do are things like armbars and wristlocks too.

While they’re on the mat, the guys run back and forth and all six run over Lawler. I wish I had a gun so I could shoot either myself or the screen. And now the six all run over Doink. All this is done to make faces at each other. Yes I hate this match quite a bit. Why do we always have to have these comedy matches? There’s never a point to them and only Vince likes them. I hate this so much. Oh look, it’s a Burger King crown. This is just so funny. How did Lawler get here? He had a career.

Dink wants to fight Lawler, so he gets on Doink’s shoulders. Lawler counters by getting on one of the small king’s shoulders. I’ll give you two guesses as to how this goes. It’s been only the two big guys the whole match. We get a random Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade ad as apparently the WWF has a part of a float. I don’t care either. As we get a test of strength, it’s a double criss cross by the midgets. Take me now.

One of them gives Lawler an object and he nails Doink. You would think that would be the pin but nope, it’s time for more comedy. I feel like I’m at a bad circus. Instead Doink goes on offense and it takes a reversed cross body to eliminate him. Over the next five minutes it’s the clowns getting beaten after cheating from Lawler. Of this whole thing, only Dink is actually entertaining.

His offense makes sense, he’s energetic, he plays to the crowd and he’s not boring. That’s such a nice change of pace. Of course Lawler’s team gets the clean sweep. Afterwards he takes credit for the whole thing and all six guys come after him which is just rather stupid. To end this awfulness, Doink comes back and pies Lawler. Yep, that’s how it ends.

Rating: G. That’s below an F. That sums it up I’d think. Dink gets a passing grade. He was actually really fun and entertaining. That might be because it was actual wrestling, but I could be wrong.

We hear about the Women’s Title change three days ago in Japan where Alundra Blayze lost to Bull Nakano. I haven’t seen it but from what I’ve heard it was a great one. Wouldn’t it be great to either see the match or a rematch or something instead of what we just sat through? Nope apparently that wasn’t good enough though, so instead we have Lawler getting pied by a clown. Nakano is here, so why can’t we have the match? I hate Vince at times.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund

The deal here is that Backlund says that since he never gave up in 83, he never should have lost the title and therefore has had a 13 year title reign (he had the belt for two years when he lost it). He also says there’s no counter for the Cross Face Chicken Wing while Hart says that everything has a counter. Owen and Bulldog are the respective seconds and one of them have to throw in the towel to get the win.

Both have sworn they won’t do it. By those rules, regular submissions don’t count so you can give up all you want and it won’t count. That….is kind of stupid. They start out rather hot and fast which would be the peak of that aspect of the match. Bret uses a heabutt a lot. Has he ever gotten hurt using one of those? Not that I remember at least. We’re already on the mat as they actually compare the resumes of these two, and I think Backlund is slightly in the lead.

Six years as world champion is very hard to ignore. They mention a poll that was taken and 79% say that the Chicken Wing is the better hold? Gorilla, much like myself, refuses to believe that. They’re doing a very slow start here as Stu and Helen are watching from ringside. This is a bit odd as Bret will do…HOLY CRAP! Bret put on the abdominal stretch and Monsoon DIDN’T COMPLAIN!

That has never happened before and will likely never happen again. Dang I need a stiff drink after that. Orange juice will do fine. Anyway, as I was saying before I had my heart attack, Bret is doing a bunch of submission stuff and then Backlund will go for the chicken wing. That’s a bit of a cool idea I think with Bret being the master of all submissions and Bob being the guy with one big home run hitting move that he knows will win him the title if he can get it.

The impressive thing here though is that Bob is not only hanging with Bret here but at times flat out beating him. That’s saying a lot for someone that wasn’t a regular wrestler for years on end. Vince says that Bret doesn’t know how to submit. How amusing is it that he says this about Bret at the Survivor Series? Apparently Vince is right here though since Bret never did give up.

It never ceases to amaze me how much a few years can change things and how ironic so many of these lines would eventually become and now are in hindsight. Now for a nice change of pace, Backlund does a lot of mat work on Bret. He works over his arm, which makes sense for a change. Bret hits the post shoulder first in one of the most time honored bumps ever. That’s been used for years and it still works to this day.

Bret keeps trying to make his comebacks but Bob keeps taking him down, seemingly with ease. That’s the mark of a great wrestler: he can do his stuff and make it look easy. Now we get to what is likely the stupidest part of the match as Bret makes his traditional comeback and puts on his other submission hold: the figure four. Now this is fine, but Backlund gives up. However, the match doesn’t end because Owen refuses to throw in the towel.

So in other words, Bret has won the submission match, but he didn’t do it properly? Yeah that just sounds stupid. IN other words, you could just get some jerk to be the towel guy and then break your opponent’s leg or something, but since the towel isn’t thrown in it means nothing? Yeah that makes great sense.

I have to give the fans this: for a match that’s about 90% mat work, they’re staying interested. Hopefully this Sunday at Breaking Point (this is Thursday, three days before that), that’s what happens too. Backlund manages to reverse it for all of a minute. Bret gets ready for the Sharpshooter but Bob is back in it. Oh never mind no he’s not. Gorilla is finally able to talk a bit as Backlund actually wins a fist fight here. He’s quite underrated.

He follows it with a piledriver as I’m impressed by this guy. Bob works on the arm even more and the selling from Bret is great as he looks like he’s in agony. The fans are actually still in this too, which makes me feel better than they could actually get into very old school style like this. This is practically out of the 50s or 60s. Anyway, after another three minutes or so of getting beaten on, Bret makes probably his third comeback and gets the Sharpshooter, but Owen runs in for the save.

Bulldog chases him and we get the bit spot of the match as he freaking LUNGES at Owen but Rocket moves out of the way and Bulldog smacks the steps hard. He’s out cold, and Owen doesn’t know what to do now. As Bret looks down at this, he gets locked in the Chicken Wing. Now what follows is something you’ll hardly ever see again; Bret is in the hold for over nine minutes straight. Yes that’s correct, nine minutes. How many Raw main events don’t even get that long?

Now imagine Hart being in the same hold that long. The thing is, the fans are going to be rather bored when you think about it. Actually maybe not. Two things are going to happen here. First of all, people are going to start thinking that there’s no way that Bret is going to lose. Second, with every passing second that goes by, the people start thinking that any second now it’s going to happen, and that build up even more tension.

That is actually something close to brilliant when you think about it. After the first four minutes or so, Owen begins pleading with his family to save Bret and saying that he didn’t mean for this to happen. Ok wait a minute. If Owen is trying to get his parents to throw in the towel, doesn’t that mean that it doesn’t have to be the predetermined towel thrower?

Ok that’s all fine. However, if that’s the case, why can’t Owen just throw it in himself? Wouldn’t that make a lot more sense? Maybe because he’s the other thrower he can’t do that? That actually makes sense because if that was allowed then it would be like a Vince Russo match with one person having to throw in the other towel first to lose. But wait, if anyone can do it, why not just have a big gang come out and take the towel from Davey and throw it in?

See why I’m not a fan of this era’s booking? It has holes in it that you could drive a truck through. Anyway, Stu keeps saying no way while Helen is on the verge of screaming. Owen begs and begs, eventually getting down on his knees. As a credit to Bret, even though he’s been in this thing nearly ten minutes, the whole time he’s been trying to roll around and move a bit so that it’s not just him laying there.

That’s the mark of a great worker: the main story is on the floor because as evidenced earlier, the wrestlers can give up all they want but the towel has to be thrown in to end the match. Bret could literally lay there forever and it would have fit the rules of the match perfectly.

However, he realized that it was better to at least look like he was trying, which makes the match more believable, despite the focus not being on him at all. That’s a very nice little touch and another reason why Bret is better than you, along with getting to screw 20 year old Sunny. That makes him divine.

While this is all happening, including the pleading from Owen, Bulldog is still out like a light. He hasn’t moved in like 10 minutes and no one has come to help him. You can see him laying there out cold behind Stu while Owen is freaking out. Only in the WWF could an employee lay on the floor for that long and have no help given to him at all. Also, I think Stu has lost some age in the past year.

He looks MUCH better than he did the year before. Last year he looked like he was about 90. Now he could pass for 60 or so. That’s rather impressive. Dang he’s 79 years old at this point. I’m impressed indeed. Anyway, Helen can’t take anymore and snatches the towel away from Stu to throw it in and give Backlund the title as the fans are a combination of stunned and LIVID, but more of the former.

Bob freaking Backlund just won the world title. However, the more important thing is that as soon as they throw the towel in, Owen jumps to his feet cheering before sprinting to the back pumping his fist, revealing it was the greatest acting job since a diva had to act like Vince was hot. Bret deserves an award here for the selling. It’s amazingly great. We now get the awesomeness that is the celebration of Backlund’s victory.

He is euphoric over winning here, holding his hands up in the air and with the belt around his waist. It’s so simple but his facial expressions shove this to such a high level of awesomeness that it’s insane. Since it goes with it, I’ll include Owen’s interview as part of this. As we cut to the back, the look on the face of Owen is amazing as well.

See what happens when you give the best workers the best storylines? You get great material. Anyway, Owen admits that it was all a setup and that this is the greatest day of his life, since he’s going to get all of the titles and that he’ll never quit. His face here is mind blowingly awesome. That whole thing was epic.

Rating: A. The only thing keeping this from an A+ is some of the holes in the booking, but this was magnificent. However, I could very easily see how some people wouldn’t be into this. It’s very hit or miss and while I and most of the other old school fans would love this, a lot of people wouldn’t get why it’s great and for once, I’m perfectly fine with that. It’s not something that everyone can get into and that’s fine.

It’s a very different style than any of us are used to since it’s such an old school style. It’s the epitome of hit or miss with people likely either loving it completely or wanting a hatchet to cut out their eyes so they will be less bored. However, the stuff at the end is almost impossible to love. The emotions and acting here are top notch and the whole 45 minute plus (yes it’s that long) segment is just amazing to me, but like I said, if you disagree here, I understand for a change.

Now since I doubt most of you remember Backlund’s reign, I thought you might like to see how it ends. This is four days after Survivor Series in Madison Square Garden.

Backlund then crawled up the aisle to leave. He made Nash look like a god and it worked beautifully. However, later on he complained about how Nash took the celebration too far and didn’t show him enough respect. Dude, you’re 45 years old and more or less a novelty act who got beat in 8 seconds so that they could save Nash vs. Hart. Get over your hall of fame self.

Vince and Gorilla can’t believe it. Vince booked it, why couldn’t he believe it?

Guts N Glory vs. Million Dollar Team

Guts N Glory: Lex Luger, Mabel, Adam Bomb, Smoking Guns
Million Dollar Team: King Kong Bundy, Tatanka, Bam Bam Bigelow, Heavenly Bodies

Bundy isn’t really the captain. He’s just listed first here. I don’t think there actually was one here. This was the tail end of the awesome Tatanka vs. Luger feud, which kick started at Summerslam. The idea was simple: Tatanka and just about everyone else on the planet thought Luger had sold out to DiBiase, but there was no concrete proof. Basically DiBiase kept helping Luger, but there was never anything for sure.

Tatanka kept saying Luger did it, but Luger denied it. This led to a match at Summerslam, where in reality Tatanka was the one that had sold out all along. It was a lot better than it sounds here and that’s your main basis for this match. It’s really more DiBiase vs. Luger, but Luger had to get his army of lower midcard faces to help him out so here we are. Have I ever mentioned that I absolutely hate Men on a Mission? I absolutely loathe them.

Mo isn’t here for this, but we still get Mabel and Oscar, making M.O. out of them, so in a weird way we have all three of them. Yeah that was stupid. Luger and Tatanka start here as Vince recaps everything I just said. I beat Vince to it. Take that you old man. While Luger is getting chopped, Mable raises the roof on the apron, showing the cutting edge intellectual capacity he brings to this team. They somehow botch a clothesline where Luger hits him in the back of the head.

Pritchard comes in but before Luger kills him we get Mabel vs. Bundy. Please take me now. Wait apparently no we don’t. Ok so wait, Mabel came in and challenged Bundy, then stepped out just to come back in. Yeah I hate this match already. The crowd chants Whoop there it is. Bundy is out in less than ten seconds and Pritchard comes back in. Since he’s tiny and Mable has his own gravitational pull, this is going to be quick.

He goes to the second rope and hits a freaking CROSS BODY BLOCK onto Pritchard to kill him completely. Vince botches the call by saying that the Gigolo calls himself Del Ray. Is anyone else getting a migraine? I know I am. Somehow for the third time in four minutes we have Bundy vs. Mable.

Yep I’ll have that image in my head for the rest of the show, and somehow it’s less stupid than this. Amazingly, this showdown is awful. Let’s go to Bigelow. He has that pesky thing called talent though so he just doesn’t fit in here at all. He goes for an enziguri which misses but Mabel tries a spin kick. I would say hits, but he literally misses by at least 10 inches. I mean this was awful. The fans loudly groaned at the sight of it.

I have to finish it. I have to finish it. I have to finish it. This HAS to improve. I don’t think it can actually get worse. They both go to the floor so they can lay there for awhile since it’s past their nap times. They have to stop for one an hour after they eat. They take a lot of naps.

Mabel gets counted out as Bigelow beats the count. Somehow that fat tub of goo would be the King of the Ring and top heel within 8 months. Vince must have been on the REALLY GOOD crack at this time. Or maybe he didn’t have any in him at all and that’s what caused all this. So now we have Del Ray vs. Billy Gunn. Somehow, this is better. Read who’s in there, and think about that for a minute.

Now we shift to Bomb vs. Bigelow and Adam hits that SWEET slingshot clothesline of his. Dang I love that move. He dominates just like he would do against Mabel at In Your House but after one shot from Bundy, Bigelow puts him down and moonsaults him out of it. I’ve always hated when a guy gets hit with one shot and since it’s from behind, it’s a knockout shot. What’s the deal with that? Del Ray hits two sweet superkicks that do nothing at all.

However, after a standard illegal elbow, he’s gone to Luger. Good to see that some things never chance. The Guns beat on Tatanka for the better part of ever and it’s just barely interesting. They were just such a worthless team. You can tell they’re real cowboys though. They’re wearing khakis. Yep the Beautiful People match is certainly more interesting, especially with those shots of Velvet’s figure. Dang.

Anyway, Bart goes for a crucifix and gets caught in the End of the Trail, which is apparently the name of Tatanka’s finishing move. Forget that it’s the Papoose To Go. We’re 4-2 now with the excellent team of Billy Gunn and Lex Luger against the four heels. Oh this isn’t going to be pleasant. I really can’t stand Vince saying YES NO! Is he really that impatience? A splash ends Billy, making it AMERICA vs. four. Oh boy I can barely contain my excitement.

As I look at my clock, we’ve been at this beatdown for six minutes now. Oh joy indeed. Why do I need to see Luger get beaten up that long? Wait, that might mean an injury which means him off TV. BLAST HIM WITH EVERY FREAKING THING YOU’VE GOT PEOPLE! Our ot nowhere Luger rolls him up for the pin and then literally lays there on the ground while Bundy gets ready for the splash.

It was without a doubt the worst looking thing I’ve ever seen in a match like this. That’s the end and the heels celebrate before beating on Luger forever. The faces finally run out for the save. I guess they wanted to see the annoying one get beaten on too. This segment just went on forever.

Rating: C-. I know I blasted this match a lot, but for some reason by the end it wasn’t horrible. I think it was the faces losing clean that fixed a lot of this. That’s what the match should have been: the heels getting a clean win which is something that hardly ever happens. It’s a match where the pieces don’t add up to what you get at the end, which is a good thing.

Backlund has a press conference to talk about how he’ll be a role model. Yep for all of three days.

Undertaker vs. Yokozuna

Before this, we have the debut of the deity himself, Chuck Norris. He’s the guest referee tonight, which shouldn’t be a problem for him. He can certainly count to ten. He counted to infinity twice, so ten is easy. He’s there to keep people from coming out to beat up Taker. That’s a good idea, since he’s so strong that he never does push-ups. He simply pushes the world down. After two of the slowest intros ever, it’s time to go.

Before the match even begins, we can already see the problem here: no one believes Yoko has a chance, and he doesn’t. Yoko can’t really do anything to Taker so Taker starts beating on him. The managers interfere to turn the momentum over. Yeah that doesn’t work. Momentum implies movement, and I don’t think they’ve actually moved in this match. They’re just so freaking slow. Now with Taker it makes sense, but with Yoko it’s just due to fatness.

He took some time off after this match and came back even bigger. That can’t be good. Anyway, Norris is mostly just window dressing for the majority of this match. He’s shown a few times standing there. Dang I ran out of jokes for a minute. I’ll make up for it later. Eventually Bigelow and Bundy come out and yell at him, leading to IRS running in and nailing Taker then putting him in a sleeper.

Taker would feud with DiBiase’s team until I think the following Summerslam, so yeah that went on way too long. The fat guys don’t do anything to Norris, and I can’t blame them. After all when the Boogeyman goes to bed at night he checks the closet for Chuck Norris. I’d be afraid too. So yeah, the rest is rather predictable, as has been the first part of the match. Yoko keeps trying but at the last second Taker rises up. The lack of drama is freaking killing this match.

It’s clear that no one believes Yoko has a chance. It’s fine to want to send the fans home happy, but at least try to build some drama. At least make Yoko look like he has a snowball’s chance out there. For no good reason, Jarrett comes out and Norris kicks him in the chest. Well that was rather pointless.

Yoko gets kicked into the casket to end it. I know that’s really lackluster, but seriously there was just nothing else to say about it. It was just as you would expect it to be: not that interesting, slow, and completely lacking in drama. This was pretty bad.

Rating: D+. Yeah this was bad. As I’ve said a million times, the best thing a match can do is have you guessing who is going to win. There was absolutely zero doubt here who the winner would be. It’s a great sign when you know who the winner is going in and they get you caught up in it anyway.

For a great example, see Taker vs. Shawn. We knew Taker would win, but it got us going anyway. As for this, Norris was the big celebrity of the show and he did what he was supposed to do: beat up a midcard guy. It was ok for a pointless main event, but this wasn’t interesting at all.

Overall Rating: C-. This is about as back and forth of a show as you’re ever going to find. The first match is ok, the second is beyond awful, the third is great, the fourth is ok, and the last is awful. Also, a LOT of people will disagree on the title match, and like I said before I’m fine with that. It’s a tricky one to call and it really depends on your taste as a fan. I loved it, and for me it almost carries this show. Overall, the show is certainly watchable, but it’s forgettable.

The title change that mattered was the following weekend so this one meant little. Other than that, it’s a very forgettable show. Taker won the feud as he always did, there was an awful match, Luger managed to blow another one, and there was an ok opener. Seriously, nothing here stands out. It’s ok if you’re really bored and just want to kill about 3 hours, but don’t go out of your way.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – January 30, 1995: When Does Nitro Start?

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 30, 1995
Location: Manatee Civic Center, Palmetto, Florida
Attendance: 2,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Shawn Michaels

We’re still dealing with the fallout from the Royal Rumble and that means we’re probably going to be hearing a lot about Lawrence Taylor tonight. After the disaster that was the build towards the Rumble, that sounds like quite the improvement. It’s not like there is anything else going on at the moment as we don’t get to the real Wrestlemania build for a few weeks. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a quick recap of Bam Bam Bigelow (named Scott here in a rare moment) attacking Taylor at the Rumble. Bigelow has been suspended for thirty days but has to apologize tonight after last week’s apology didn’t air due to technical difficulties.

Opening sequence.

King Kong Bundy vs. Mabel

Over The Top Rope Challenge and you can see the fans going up the steps during the entrances. After Ted DiBiase explains the rules, Bundy starts hammering away with the forearms to the back. Thankfully Mabel is smart enough to start going straight for the toss over the top but can’t get anything to work. Bundy can’t do it either so we hit the WHOMP THERE IT IS chants. The big elbow misses Bundy though….and the rest of the Corporation comes in to finally dump Mabel and give Bundy the win.

Rating: F. Yeah….this is a thing that happened and I’m not sure what else there is to say about it. They really felt the need to do something like this eight days after the original Rumble? And between these two? I get the idea but people….it’s Wrestlemania season at the moment. Come on now.

We get Bigelow’s apology as he talks about having a rough night with Vince saying that the fans can boo as much as they can, which is what Lawrence was doing. Bigelow talks about how disrespectful Lawrence was and there will not be an apology. He’s so incensed that he wants a match with Taylor.

Shawn and Vince, in his brown jacket, compare it to a football game.

Hakushi vs. Ricky Santana

Hakushi wastes no time in hitting an enziguri as Shawn talks about his own catlike agility. The slow pounding begins with a bunch of chops to the back and headbutts to the, uh, head. Santana’s comeback is cut off in a hurry and it’s time for more chops. The chop off goes to Hakushi and he nails a heck of a dropkick. A top rope shoulder takes Santana down and the cartwheel moonsault is good for the pin.

Rating: D. This was another old school squash that only did a little bit for Hakushi, but that is the case for so many of these things. They’re great to drive up house shows, but when you have a weekly show on in prime time, there is only so much benefit to have. Hakushi was WAY ahead of his time though and this showcased that status very well.

Stills from the Rumble.

Aldo Montoya vs. David Sierra

Shawn talks about Aldo having a jockstrap for a mask as Aldo hits a dive to the floor. Back in and Aldo chops away but Sierra hits some right hands to take over. He takes way too long going up top though and Aldo slams him down, setting up a middle rope spinning bulldog for the pin. This was nothing.

Ken Norton Jr. of the San Francisco 49ers is going to Wrestlemania.

It’s time for the King’s Court with special guest Bob Backlund. Lawler lets us know about Backlund’s latest idea: the crossface chickenwing isn’t being broken until someone says I QUIT MR. BOB BACKLUND. Bob repeats the statement in a voice that sounds like he’s in a library. This goes for ANYONE, though Lawler thinks he’s exempt.

That’s not cool with Bob, who slips up and says that even he isn’t safe from the hold. Shawn: “If anybody could figure out how to put a hold on himself, it’s Bob Backlund.” Bob grabs it on Lawler, who quits in a hurry. That sends Bob up the aisle as Lawler says he meant he was quitting the interview if Backlund didn’t behave himself….and there goes the jacket. Lawler says Bret Hart is here and runs as Backlund poses in the ring. Turning this Backlund face would not work.

BUY THE RUMBLE ENCORE! Even though we’ve already told you everything that happened!

Tag Team Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. Bob Holly/1-2-3 Kid

Holly and the Kid are challenging after losing the titles last week. Billy and the Kid (make your own jokes) start things off with the Kid taking him down without too much trouble. A headlock takeover is countered into a headscissors and it’s an early standoff. Bart comes in and gets kicked in the ribs so Holly can come in to drop a knee to the face.

It’s already back to Billy vs. the Kid with an elbow to the face giving Billy two. Back from a break with Holly hitting a heck of a clothesline for one with Billy making a fast save. Shawn doesn’t like the idea of the champs defending again so soon as Holly gets beaten up even more. Holly can’t fight out of the corner as Billy pounds him down again, allowing Bart to slam Kid down.

Bart looks at him, thinks about it for a second, and then covers him for two. The chinlock goes on for a bit until Holly fights up and makes the hot tag off to the Kid. You wouldn’t know it based on the fans, but the Kid does come in. Kid goes up top and misses a flip dive to a standing Billy….and starts convulsing. His eyes are rolling back into his head and the referee stops the match.

Rating: C-. It could have been worse but the injury ending (Kid was working the next day so it wasn’t quite legit) was kind of a confusing one. I guess they didn’t want the underdogs losing two weeks in a row, which is fine, but it’s not exactly something that builds up the most interest.

Post break the Kid is still down but post another break, we’re told he left under his own power.

Kama Mustafa vs. Jumbo Barretta

I wonder if he’s related to Trent. Jumbo slugs away to start but gets kicked down in the corner. Kama slams the big guy down and pulls at his mouth before going back to the kicks. This squash is just dying and yet Kama would one day be in the Hall of Fame. Wrestling is funny that way. A neck crank into a belly to belly into something like an STF finishes Jumbo.

Rating: F. This match was designed to make me care about Kama and it failed miserably. Kama came off as boring, uninteresting and little more than a slow moving guy who kicks a lot. When you watch Hakushi fly all over the place with a rapid series of kicks, watching someone do it at quarter speed isn’t going to work.

We’re so out of time that Vince can’t even finish the Rumble encore plug.

Overall Rating: F. It’s rare for two matches on a show to get an F but this show managed to pull it off. The wrestling was mostly terrible with the Tag Team Title match just being watchable at best. There’s a reason the company is dying this badly and it’s getting harder and harder to watch.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – October 31, 1994: Boo, In Both Senses

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 31, 1994
Location: Memorial Auditorium, Burlington, Vermont
Attendance: 1,800
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage

I’m almost scared to see how this era of the company does Halloween. It’s already been a terrible enough time around here and that means it could only get worse given what we’re building towards. The big match for this week is Lex Luger vs. Bob Backlund, which could work under optimal circumstances. However, there is nothing optimal about this time. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with some shots of a graveyard, which Vince manages to transition into Backlund’s nightmares haunting him. Now he’s changed from Dr. Jekyll (he doesn’t say into what exactly) and Luger needs to slay the monster.

Opening sequence.

Lex Luger vs. Bob Backlund

A quick armdrag puts Backlund down and Luger does Backlund’s lunging steps thing. Some leg sweeps have Backlund in more trouble and Bob can’t believe it. The standoff lets Backlund take him down but Luger slips out in something I wouldn’t have bet on. Backlund goes to a wristlock and Luger can’t power out this time. Luger gets taken down by the arm for two as Savage thinks Backlund is scared that the chickenwing won’t work here. Savage: “What if Lex Luger doesn’t exist and we’re watching Lex Luger by himself???” Vince: “Uh….how much of that candy have you eaten?”

Luger powers up but here’s Tatanka as we take a break. Back with Backlund….holding a bearhug? The heck? Luger bails to the ropes from the threat of the chickenwing so it’s off to a hammerlock bearhug (that’s a new one). Some right hands get Luger out of trouble and a running knee lift drops Backlund. Cue Tatanka again and this time the distraction lets Backlund get the chickenwing. Backlund takes him down….and Tatanka comes in for the DQ. What sense does that make?

Rating: D+. I’m still trying to get my mind around Backlund using a bearhug. Anyway, this was a mostly dull match but there was no way they were going to have a clean finish. I’ll give them points for making the chickenwing feel like the scariest move in the company, which is hard to pull off. I remember being scared of it because it was beating EVERYONE and that’s exactly the point.

Post match referees break it up but Backlund goes back in to put the hold on again. Savage finally gets off commentary and breaks it up. Instead of beating on Backlund, he pulls on him instead, which would likely crank on Luger’s arm even more. Then again, Savage was never one to think before he acted. Pretty awesome segment though, with Savage going into the crazy eyes look after the break when he rants about Backlund.

The main event of the third Action Zone: Mabel vs. Yokozuna. So much for that show.

1-2-3 Kid vs. Tony DeVito

The Kid’s hair is rather huge for some reason. Must be a Halloween thing. Savage keeps ranting about Backlund and I kind of want to see that match. DeVito shrugs off a dropkick and sends the Kid into the buckle a few times, only to miss the big elbow. The rapid fire kicks in the corner rock DeVito and it’s the running legdrop to make it even worse. A slam sets up the guillotine legdrop to finish DeVito.

Rating: D. DeVito was one of the regular jobbers around this time and while he didn’t have a good look, he was more than fine enough for a watchable match. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case here, which is hard to do against the Kid. At the same time, it’s hard to see the Kid win a squash as he’s at his best when he’s selling and you didn’t get much of that here.

Survivor Series Report, featuring the announcement that Bob Backlund wants the title match to be a submission match. Moving on though, Undertaker vs. Yokozuna is going to be a casket match and Chuck Norris (seriously) is going to be the guest enforcer. There will also be the Bad Guys (Razor Ramon/1-2-3 Kid/British Bulldog/Headshrinkers) vs. the Teamsters (Diesel/Shawn Michaels/Jim Neidhart/Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett) and Clowns R Us (Doink/Dink/Wink/Pink) vs. the Royal Family (Jerry Lawler/Cheesy/Sleazy/Queasy) in a show that is making me cringe just thinking about it.

There was a charity softball game with the WWF Superstars beating a women’s union team.

King Kong Bundy vs. Bert Centeno

Bundy chokes him in the corner to start and goes with the general beatdown as this isn’t the most interesting thing in the world. Savage keeps going on about Backlund as the Avalanche finishes Centeno for five. Bad squash.

IRS goes to a cemetery and yells at the grave of a man named John Dough for not paying his taxes. His daughter’s birthday dinner was NOT deductible so he’ll be taking the flowers from the grave.

It’s time for the King’s Court with the Undertaker and Paul Bearer as the guests. The lights come back up and Bearer asks if Lawler is comfortable now. I’m more confused by the image of Bearer and Lawler in the same ring (you just don’t see them together that often). Lawler brings up the previous Undertaker vs. Yokozuna casket match and Undertaker doesn’t like it.

Bearer breaks out a WWF Magazine to recap the other match and promises there will be no deja vu this time around. See, Chuck Norris will be at ringside to deal with things between the undead mortician and the Samoan/Japanese sumo wrestler. Undertaker makes his usual threats and says the Creatures of the Night will help Yokozuna rest in peace. This story is so over the top that it’s kind of incredible, though not incredible enough to make up for everything else.

Next week: Bret Hart/British Bulldog vs. Owen Hart/Jim Neidhart. Well ok then.

Jim Neidhart vs. Tony Roy

Neidhart starts fast and throws Roy around as we hear about Neidhart hanging around the White House. Roy gets tied in the Tree of Woe so Owen can choke from the floor and talk trash, which is more interesting than the squash. A slam sets up the chinlock into a gutwrench suplex as this needs to end already. Neidhart finally finishes with a camel clutch.

Rating: D. All this made me want to do was skip over the rest of the show and get to the tag match next week. Neidhart doesn’t get to do squashes that often but that’s because he’s a lot better as the muscle of a team or the insane promo. This was rather dull but what else were you expecting?

Post match the hold goes on again with Owen putting the sunglasses on Roy.

Vince is in the back with Luger but we can’t hear anything being said. Savage talks over it instead….and Tatanka runs in to brawl with Luger to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Sweet goodness this was a bad time for the show. There were a few bright spots here and there but the biggest problem was how they tried to mix the comedy with the serious to no avail. The Survivor Series matches are looking awful with Backlund doing everything he can to carry the show. Really uninteresting show and it’s leading up to an awful pay per view.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – October 17, 1994: Save Us Clowny

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 17, 1994
Location: Memorial Auditorium, Burlington, Vermont
Attendance: 1,800
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage

The march to Survivor Series continues and that means I need to up my blood pressure medication. This isn’t a good time for the company and I don’t see that getting any better anytime soon. As long as the show doesn’t focus too heavily on Lawler vs. Doink, I think I can make it through this. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with some shots of Burlington, which seem to confuse the announcers. Ok then.

Opening sequence.

Doink the Clown vs. Jeff Jarrett

And Doink has a second mini clown by the name of Wink. They give the Spanish announcers a fake flower, because that’s what this show has turned into. Jeff bails straight to the floor but gets in a shot to the knee to take over early on. Back in and Doink gets in a slam, allowing Dink to bite Jeff in the tights area. A headlock doesn’t slow Jarrett down very much as he comes back with a drop toehold.

An abdominal stretch with a grab of the rope puts Doink in trouble, allowing Vince to talk about the minis running around as of late. Cue Dink to bite Jeff’s hand to get Doink out of the hold as the pace picks up. Now it’s Queasy and another unnamed mini King, drawing Dink and Wink over to chase them off. Things settle down until Doink charges into a boot in the corner as we take a break. Back with Doink still in trouble and Jeff getting two off a dropkick, meaning it’s time for the chinlock.

Doink slams his way to freedom but misses an elbow as this keeps going. Jeff’s sleeper is broken up pretty quickly so it’s a whatamaneuever (enziguri here) for two on Doink instead. Doink makes his comeback with a butterfly suplex as Vince and Randy talk about Savage’s old Gremlin needing a steering wheel. Jarrett misses a middle rope splash and gets powerslammed. A suplex gives Doink two more as the mini clowns chase the mini kings. Doink hits the Whoopee Cushion but here’s Jerry Lawler to deck Doink, giving Jarrett the pin.

Rating: C. You know what? Why not? They were trying here and got some time to turn it into a half decent match. It’s not like there were any expectations to this one and the focus was on the minis running around anyway. What we got was decent though and I can think of worse ways to spend the first third of the show.

Post match, Lawler introduces the second mini king as Sleazy.

British Bulldog vs. Roy Raymond

They shove each other to start and Roy actually goes with a slap. The beating is on in a hurry and there’s the delayed vertical suplex. Bulldog grabs a chinlock as the announcers talk about Action Zone. A butterfly suplex gets a very delayed two and it’s back to the chinlock. Roy fights up and manages to go up top, only to be tossed back down. A kick to the ribs, as in Roy’s ribs, knocks Bulldog down and a release fisherman’s suplex gets two. The running powerslam gives Bulldog the pin.

Rating: D. This was Bulldog’s big return after being let go (I assure you the timing had nothing to do with the steroid investigations) and he’s….exactly the same guy as he was before. As has been said, there is only so much you can do to repackage the British Bulldog and this is more proof.

Post break Bulldog is still here….and he just poses without saying or doing anything else.

Here’s a random cameo from Burt Reynolds, saying to watch Raw.

Here’s an angry Bob Backlund, who wants to talk to Vince. Bob does NOT want to show the tape of what he did to Arnold Skaaland over the weekend but Vince shows it anyway. Backlund refused to accept Skaaland’s apology for throwing in the towel to cost Backlund the WWF Title back in 1983 and gave his a crossface chickenwing instead. Back in the arena, Backlund says he should apologize to everyone involved….for having Skaaland as his manager.

Back in July, Backlund understood that the people didn’t get him and they are doomed to be down in life. He did more to try to help people, including never eating marijuana or ever swearing in front of children. How can you expect your children to not take drugs when they’re in your billfolds??? HIS daughter isn’t out there with a gun.

Vince: “What does this have to do with the crossface chickenwing?” Backlund says the chickenwing is about discipline because no one can break it, and yes that’s a challenge. Cue Lex Luger to say he’s heard enough about the chickenwing so try it on him instead. Backlund: “He’s got a lot of panache!” Agents and referees keep anything from happening.

Bob Holly vs. Reno Riggins

Randy is trying to figure out the eating marijuana thing as Holly works on a weak headlock. An armbar keeps Riggins in trouble but he’s back with a slam to the mat by the hair. Riggins charges into an elbow in the corner and gets shoved off the ropes, setting up a high crossbody to give Holly the pin.

Next week: Razor Ramon vs. Yokozuna for the Intercontinental Title.

IRS vs. Tim McNeany

Before the match, IRS says he’s coming after the Undertaker for cheating on his taxes. Egads I had forgotten that nightmare feud. Randy gets in on the IRWIN chants but stops before IRS hits a hiptoss. Some elbows keep Tim in trouble as Vince praises the Million Dollar Corporation, which is still a pretty lame stable. A suplex sets up the Penalty (a weird STF) to make McNeany tap.

We look at Yokozuna being scared of caskets on Superstars.

Heavenly Bodies vs. Barry Horowitz/Nick Barbarry

Jim Cornette introduces the Heavenly Bodies as the team that has won more matches than Elvis and the Beatles combined. Tom and Barry start things off with a bit of shoving until Barry gets two off a rollup. The Bodies switch places until Barry armdrags Tom down again. Barbarry comes in and gets caught with a bad looking floatover DDT, allowing Del Ray to drop Tom into a legdrop onto Nick. The moonsault gives Del Ray the pin in a hurry.

Luger says he wants Backlund.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s a weird night when Backlund and Doink carry the show, because I don’t think that has ever happened before. We’re coming up on Survivor Series but so far we’re not quite ready for things yet. I’m not sure what they’re going to do, because Luger vs. Backlund doesn’t quite feel big, but then again there’s a reason this era is so poorly remembered.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6