I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m somewhat optimistic going into the show tomorrow night. TNA has done about as good of a job of setting this thing up in four hours and I’m actually wanting to see what they’ve got. Above all else, this show is already better than last year’s disaster and has the potential to be entertaining. Let’s get to it.
We’ll start with one of the matches added on Impact with Kurt Angle vs. Eric Young. To continue the theme of things I can’t believe I’m saying, Eric should win this hands down. Angle is leaving in January and turns 47 in December. There is no reason to keep pushing him as this star, especially if he’s on the verge of leaving. Eric has a lot more potential in TNA and Angle stopped being hurt by losses about ten years ago. It’s nice to have a story to this match but Angle should take the loss, probably the first of a few on his way out.
There’s a gauntlet match between Abyss, Aiden O’Shea (Jay Bradley. I remember him better from his OVW days than TNA), Chris Melendez, Eli Drake, Jessie Godderz, Mahabali Shera, Mr. Anderson, Robbie E. and Tyrus for a future shot at the World Title. Let’s not waste time here: Shera is winning this and getting the big title shot in India for the sake of the live crowd because that worked oh so well in Ring Ka King.
You remember Ring Ka King. That’s the TNA backed show that ran in India and ended with Shera winning the title before the show was canceled. As is always the case with TNA: they never learn. I know Shera is better now, but catering to the live crowd instead of the much larger one over in America, as in where they’re in desperate need for a new TV contract. Their solution: push a guy whose gimmick is folding his arms and popping his shoulders in the latest “dance craze”. In other words, they’re pushing a brawling Fandango and expecting it to be their big TV angle for….whenever the shows they’re taping in late November air.
Next up is the Ultimate X match for the X-Division Title. I’ve completely given up on any hope for the title having meaning these days so a thrown together multi-challenger title defense is the best we’re going to get. Tigre Uno is defending against Andrew Everett (newcomer who has worked around the indy circuit including some time in ROH), DJZ (who lost in a multi-man match on Wednesday) and TJP (formerly Manik, who has won two singles matches in TNA since last September and one of them was at a One Night Only).
It’s so sad to see the title this dead after being the cornerstone of TNA for so many years. That being said, this meaningless title defense is standard lately for Bound For Glory as they haven’t had a singles match for the title since 2012 and that match was added at the last Impact to put the title on the show. Tigre should retain here but they’ll probably go with TJP, who they keep seeing potential in, despite not letting him go anywhere for some reason. It’s going to be a big spot fest and nothing we haven’t seen before as Pope and Josh the Tool (seriously dude: wear long sleeves) talk about how innovative it all is.
Wolves vs. Trevor Lee/Brian Meyers. If you need an answer here, you haven’t been paying close enough attention. Lee has talent and should be successful elsewhere but Meyers is one of the most generic guys I’ve seen in a long time. Wolves retain and barely break a sweat in doing so.
Lashley vs. Bobby Roode for the Globally Televised Legendary Kingdom in the Mountains Title (STICK WITH A NAME ALREADY) is probably going to be the match of the night and that shouldn’t come as a surprise. Their series for the World Title was really good but I could go for ANY kind of story here.
It’s really lazy writing to have an open challenge for the title (and even worse when you consider it’s on the same show as an X-Division Title match where the opponents were thrown together and a gauntlet match where the opponents are thrown together) but they have the potential to be really good as both guys are talented. Lashley has gone from the hottest thing in the company to just another guy in the last six months but that’s TNA for you. I’ll take Roode to retain but it’s a tossup.
Kong takes the title from Kim. There’s no logical reason to keep the belt on Gail here, aside from TNA’s love affair with her. Kong hasn’t help the belt in almost seven years and she should take it back here. As usual in TNA, they’re building the idea off something that happened years ago and you needed to be around a long time ago to know the idea here. The match should be good but Kong needs to powerbomb her into oblivion and hopefully off TV for the better part of a year. I’ve had enough of the female Lance Storm for a thousand years and I really don’t need to ever see her around the title again.
I’ve already done a full column on the main event:
I’m picking Galloway but Carter retaining wouldn’t surprise me. Then again neither would putting it on Hardy, which would be the worst possible option out of the three. Of course there’s always the option of having Jeff turn on his brother and join forces with Ethan as the new heel stable because it’s been two whole weeks since we’ve had one.
Overall Bound For Glory has the chance to be a fun show but at the same time there’s nothing on the show I’m dying to see. There isn’t a blowaway match on the show (I bet Buddy Rose could have one) and the best one is likely the midcard title match that we’ve seen three times in the last year. There’s a real chance that this is the last TNA pay per view ever and hopefully they go out with a decent show after this year’s Slammiversary and last year’s Bound For Glory were such wrecks. We’ll go with cautious optimism and low expectations, which means it’s a good day for TNA.
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Impact Wrestling – September 9, 2015: I Just Don’t Care
Impact Wrestling Date: September 9, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
The invasion is on in full force but there’s a chance we’re just a week away from it ending. Last week both sides agreed to a winner take all match to air a week from tonight with the winning side owning all of TNA. Other than that we’re just a few weeks away from Bound For Glory and the card hasn’t been announced yet. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s events, including the challenge for the winner take all match, as well as Ethan Carter III retaining over Matt Hardy and winning Jeff Hardy in the process.
The announcers talk for a bit before Ethan and Tyrus come to the ring. Ethan talks about the invasion before saying he really doesn’t care. There’s a rare instance of a wrestler speaking for the masses. Last week Ethan entered God Mode and defeated Matt Hardy to earn Jeff, so now he would like his personal assistant out here. Jeff isn’t allowed music but is asked to bring Ethan and Tyrus some water.
Unfortunately he gets the temperature wrong with a totally unacceptable 73 degrees instead of 72. Ethan throws the water on him in a “first day rib” before handing him a big Ethan Carter head on a stick to hold up. Jeff has to read an introduction off a card, making sure to call Ethan very handsome. The champ approves before announcing himself/Tyrus vs. Matt Hardy/Rockstar Spud.
Tyrus/Ethan Carter III vs. Matt Hardy/Rockstar Spud
Matt beats Tyrus up to start before getting to do the same to Ethan. A Russian legsweep gets two and it’s off to Spud for some Poetry in Motion, though Carter catches him in midair. Matt helps him out though and a double suplex gets two on Ethan. Tyrus does his job by pulling Spud out to the floor and drives him spine first into the apron to take over. Back in and both villains work over the ribs and back to show some common sense. Spud tries to fight back but gets taken down again with a drop toehold.
Jeff is told to get in a shot with the sign but he holds it up instead. The distraction lets Matt come in off the tag and house is cleaned, including a clothesline for two on Tyrus. Spud doesn’t have the same level of luck on Tyrus as he’s thrown across the ring with ease. Ethan pulls Jeff in the way of Matt’s right hand and tells his new assistant to hit Spud with a chair. Jeff won’t do it so Tyrus picks Spud up and hits the spike to the throat for the pin at 7:30.
Rating: C-. This story isn’t very interesting. That’s the best way to put it: there’s no real reason to care about this story because Jeff can’t get in the ring at the moment. Once he does, that’s the best they can do? Jeff Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III? That’s really not a great match on paper, as I’m sick and tired of seeing Jeff Hardy on top of the promotion, especially when he can’t even stay healthy because he’s off on a dirt bike somewhere.
We recap Brian Myers and Trevor Lee stealing the Tag Team Titles from the Wolves last week.
Drew Galloway and the Wolves are ready for war.
Taryn tells Rebel to take out one of the Beautiful People.
The Dollhouse jump Madison Rayne until the Beautiful People make the late save.
Here are the Jarretts for their weekly interview. Tonight they start by winning the man advantage in next week’s winner take all match and then next week they complete the hostile takeover. First up though, he wants Bobby Roode to come out here and return the King of the Mountain Title. Roode brings out the belt and says he’s not giving the belt up because it belong to TNA and the fans.
Bobby takes his shirt off but Karen tells them to chill out because they’re acting like children. Karen reminds Jeff that he’s a week away from everything he wants and tells Roode that everyone in TNA is outnumbered. The two of them have worked together a lot over the years and Roode needs to think about that.
Eli Drake talks to Kenny King and Jesse Godderz about the invasion but Galloway comes up and says it’s time to get serious. They question how good he is in a war so Galloway introduces them to three men who will stand up for TNA: Micah, Tigre Uno and Robbie E., who are promptly beaten down.
Ethan yells at Jeff Hardy for not hitting Spud with the sign. As punishment, Jeff gets to sell some new EC3 merchandise.
Jesse Godderz/Kenny King/Eli Drake vs. Robbie E./Micah/Tigre Uno
So I guess Bram beat the face turn out of King last week. Micah and King start but a single butterfly suplex sends King off for a tag to Jesse, who is run over by Robbie. Tigre comes in for some headscissors on Drake before it’s back to Micah to start in on the arm. Micah is taken into the corner and some triple teaming has him in trouble. That only lasts a few seconds before a double clothesline allows the tag to Uno. Tigre grabs a tornado DDT on King before the BroMans are both tagged in. Everything breaks down and we hit the parade of secondary finishers, capped off by the Boom Drop finishing off Jesse at 7:00.
Rating: C. It was fine and a pretty decent six man but this six guys doing moves to each other for a few minutes. It’s rarely a good sign when you have a match going on for the sake of having a match going on but that’s what these six guys were doing here. The invasion and the impending (still potential) cancellation has crippled this show, which didn’t really have a lot of energy in the first place. However, what does it say when a match with barely any story is one of the better things they’ve aired in a few weeks?
Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Brooke
Brooke is defending but the announcers immediately start bowing down to Gail, just in case we forget that she’s the most awesome and amazing Knockout of all time. A headlock has Gail in trouble to start and Brooke kicks her out to the floor. Back in and a middle rope X Factor gets two for the champ but Gail grabs an armbar/headscissors combo to slow things down.
They roll around on the mat until Brooke lays on Gail’s back and puts on a chinlock at the same time. It’s kind of like a bad Last Chancery but the way she’s looking makes it look like the hold wouldn’t have much effect. Both of them try cross bodies but here’s Lei’D Tapa to grab the title belt. The Tess Shocker gets two but Brooke lets up when she sees Tapa with the title. She dives on Tapa but stops to pose, allowing Tapa to hit her with the belt for the DQ at 6:08.
Rating: C-. The match was good enough except for the fact that NO ONE CARES ABOUT LEI’D TAPA. No one cared about her when she somehow got the Gut Check win over Ivelisse, no one cared about her first run in TNA and no one cares about this run in TNA. She’s just there to look intimidating and can’t do anything else, basically making her a less talented version of her uncle. As for the match between the female Lance Storm and Billy Gunn, I’ve seen worse but taking the title off Taryn and putting it on Brooke was a bad idea and killed whatever momentum they had.
Post match Awesome Kong comes out and beats up Tapa before picking up the title.
Jeff Jarrett gives Team GFW a pep talk.
Jeff Hardy talks to Galloway about standing up for TNA but Ethan comes in to give him gear to clean. Hardy tells Galloway to take the title away soon. That sounds like a Bound For Glory tease.
Tag Team Titles: Brian Myers/Trevor Lee vs. Wolves
Myers and Lee are defending after winning the belts last week. The Wolves meet them in the aisle and clean house, followed by a double suicide dive to take the champs down. Back in and the brawling continues with Trevor hitting a kind of running belly to belly (that’s a very new one) for two on Edwards as we get into a standard formula. Eddie fights out of the double teaming and makes the tag to Davey for the “make a guy DDT his partner” spot, followed by a superplex for two on Lee.
An enziguri into a German suplex gets the same with Myers making a save. Myers hits a quick downward spiral to set up Lee’s German suplex for two on Edwards as the tagging has already been forgotten. Edwards avoids a running knee to the face and the powerbomb/Backstabber combination plants Lee. Sonjay Dutt makes the save and decks the referee but here’s Earl Hebner to shove Dutt down, leaving Edwards to tombstone Lee to regain the belts at 7:10.
Rating: C. WELL THAT WAS POINTLESS. We just spent a week freaking out over Myers and Lee winning the belts and the Wolves have them back a week later? As usual, TNA has to rush through everything because they’re about to be canceled and they think the worst invasion of all time is going to be enough to save them. This lack of drama over the belts didn’t make me care and continues to make the GFW guys look like losers who have to cheat to come close to being on TNA’s level.
Here’s Sgt. Chris Melendez to say he doesn’t mind missing his leg. He’s still on his last leg so he’s willing to fight Eric Young one more time. Young brings out the leg with the words “my leg” written on it like a trophy. If Melendez is a hero, Young never wants to be one because heroes always fail. Kurt Angle learned what it was like to face Eric Young and now he’s out on his couch. Melendez says he’ll never quit because he’s always here to fight. Young offers to fight right now but shoves Melendez down. He’ll fight Chris again but Eric will never give the leg back.
Team TNA is ready for the captains’ match tonight.
Josh Matthews sits down with Mahabali Sheera, who can’t believe he’s here. He arrived and met Manik, who introduced him to James Storm and the Revolution. Sheera promises that he’s coming for James Storm and will get his revenge. Some of this was in whatever foreign language he speaks but thankfully there were some subtitles. He gets Abyss next week.
Drew Galloway vs. Chris Mordetzky
Lumberjack match and the winner’s team gets the one man advantage next week. Drew clotheslines him down and we take a break less than a minute in. Back with Galloway and Mordetzky taking turns being sent outside for some interference from the lumberjacks before Chris scores with a big clothesline. A camel clutch doesn’t get Chris very far so he plants Drew with a Sky High for two. Both guys go outside again and the lumberjacks stand around because they can’t even get that job right.
Back in and the Future Shock puts Mordetzky down but the GFW lumberjacks pull Drew to the floor. The Wolves take them down with suicide dives but Jarrett runs in with the guitar. Cue Eric Young to take it away though, only to have him knock Drew cold to give Mordetzky the pin at 11:58.
Rating: D+. Oh joy we get more Eric Young. So I guess the question now is does Bobby Roode join TNA to counter Young or does the combined forces of Team Canada take TNA down for good. Mordetzky is fine in the ring but he sounds like a shop teacher in a 90s high school movie. Not a good match here but at least we’re getting close to the end of this stupid invasion.
Overall Rating: D. What is on this show that I should care about? We have a boring invasion where most of the wrestlers are either WWE rejects or people that have to cheat to even stay on the level of TNA’s midcard. We have Ethan Carter III vs. the Hardys in a feud over Jeff being a personal assistant. We have the Knockouts doing their thing which seems destined for ANOTHER Gail Kim title reign. Finally we have Chris Melendez vs. Eric Young XIV or so over whatever Melendez has left.
That’s almost all of TNA right now. There is almost nothing else going on with this show and for the first time, I really don’t care about anything on this show. On top of that, we have three shows before Bound For Glory and I doubt we’ll get anything announced next week either. I’m actually hoping they go away for awhile, if nothing else so they can get some fresh ideas in here. Really dull show this week as the lame stories are dragging down some actually watchable wrestling.
Results
Tyrus/Ethan Carter III b. Matt Hardy/Rockstar Spud – Spike to Spud’s throat
Robbie E./Micah/Tigre Uno b. Jesse Godderz/Kenny King/Eli Drake – Boom Drop to Godderz
Brooke b. Gail Kim via DQ when Lei’D Tapa interfered
Wolves b. Brian Myers/Trevor Lee – Tombstone to Lee
Chris Mordetzky b. Drew Galloway – Pin after Eric Young hit Galloway with a guitar
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – August 26, 2015: Good Grief This Is Lame
Impact Wrestling Date: August 26, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
It’s week three of the GFW era in TNA and there’s a chance that Jeff Jarrett is going to take over as the full time boss. There is no way this could go badly for TNA of course. Other than that we have Eric Young vs. Chris Melendez for Chris’ leg because they need something to keep the feud going. Let’s get to it.
We open with a quick recap of all the GFW stuff so far.
Here are the Hardys to open things up. Jeff says he’s glad to be back and talks about the gold they’ve won everywhere. He knows Matt will be the next World Champion so Matt thanks all of the fans for their support. Matt reiterates that he wants the title so here are Ethan Carter III and Tyrus to respond.
Ethan talks about meeting the men who inspired him to start wrestling in 1999 and being so disappointed. Now he’s beaten Matt in Matt’s own match and Jeff is just a daredevil who can’t stick a landing. Jeff offers to beat him with a chair since he can’t wrestle yet, but instead Ethan just grants Matt his rematch request. However, if Ethan retains, Jeff becomes his personal assistant. Do you really want Jeff doing household chores? I could see this ending with a big fire.
We recap Eric Young vs. Chris Melendez, which has seen Young beating him at every turn but Melendez keeps coming. Now he’s putting up his prosthetic leg for one more match. Sure why not.
Young says he can’t be held responsible for what happens next.
Eric Young vs. Chris Melendez
Young quickly takes over to start and tries to rip the leg off early. Instead he settles for a chinlock but Melendez fights up with some clotheslines. A Bubba Bomb (remember he was trained by Team 3D) puts Eric down but he rakes the eyes to keep Chris in trouble. The piledriver is broken up so Young rolls him up and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin at 3:15.
Rating: D. Now that’s it right? There’s no more reason for these two to fight and they’re never going to again right? The match was nothing due to the time, but the fact that Chris Melendez was in there didn’t do it any favors either. When I’m happier to see Eric Young, you can tell something is bad.
Young demands the leg right now and Melendez hands it over, only after hopping along because Young keeps backing up.
X-Division Title: Tigre Uno vs. DJZ vs. Sonjay Dutt
Tigre is defending and of course there’s no story here. DJZ dropkicks Tigre to the floor to start but walks into a hurricanrana. Sonjay sends him out to the floor and nails a flip dive off the apron to the fans mild boredom. Back in and Tigre misses a corkscrew moonsault, allowing DJZ to come back with a quick gutbuster to the champ. Dutt comes back in for a tornado DDT on the champ but the challengers clothesline each other to put all three guys down. DJZ is up first but gets German suplexed into the corner, setting up Tigre’s springboard splash to retain at 5:03.
Rating: C. Well they had five minutes, no story and some decent spots. Standard X-Division all the way here, but I still have no idea why I’m supposed to care about Tigre. Yeah he’s held the title for a few months, but I don’t know anything about him. Oh wait he loves his hometown and doesn’t like Donald Trump. That’s all they’ve got on him and that’s not enough to overcome some mediocre title defenses with no story.
James Storm demands that Manik and Abyss win the Tag Team Titles and no more dancing from Manik.
Recap of the opening segment.
Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. Abyss/Manik
Abyss/Manik are challenging. Davey and Abyss get things going and the monster shoves the champ down with ease. It’s off to Eddie to try his luck to little effect as Abyss pounds on him as well. Manik comes in and gets beaten up in the corner. Davey gets dragged into the Revolution’s corner though and Abyss comes back in to choke in and splash. Manik gets two off a belly to back and it’s time to crank on the arms.
A dropkick stops Davey’s comeback as Josh talks about Wolves Nation. How many nations can there possibly be? Davey finally gets over for the tag so Eddie can clean house, only to have Abyss grab both champions by the throat. The Wolves backflip out (that looked cool) and kick Abyss down, setting up a double missile dropkick in the corner. Cue Storm to break up whatever the Wolves had planned but Mahabali Sheera comes out to chase Storm off. The powerbomb into a backstabber is enough to put Manik away and retain the titles at 6:19.
Rating: C+. I liked this match better than I was expecting to as you had the challengers actually feeling like more than just a throw together team, even though they’ve badly had a single match together. Good enough match here though and the Wolves are still fun to see with that precision offense.
Jeff Hardy accepts Ethan’s challenge. This could have been tacked on to the first segment to save some time.
We recap Jeff Jarrett’s return to the company.
Knockouts Title: Velvet Sky vs. Brooke
Brooke is defending in what should be an obvious ending. Feeling out process to start with neither being able to get much of an advantage. A Russian legsweep gets two for the champ and she forearms Velvet down with a hard shot. Velvet comes back with a running neckbreaker for tow but they clothesline each other down. Brooke knocks her to the floor but doesn’t want a countout. Instead she whips Velvet into the steps but here’s the Dollhouse for the DQ at 3:54.
Rating: D+. Yeah whatever. I would get into the Dollhouse again but with Gail Kim around, it’s kind of a waste of time because Gail is going to end the team like a heroine is supposed to do. Another match that didn’t have time to go anywhere either, which gets old in a hurry. At least Velvet didn’t get the title back in a nothing match.
The beatdown is on but here’s Rebel of all people to….join the Dollhouse and help beat Velvet down as Taryn laughs from the back.
Roode says he’ll win.
Anderson says he’ll win tonight.
Drew Galloway gets bad news on the phone.
Mr. Anderson vs. James Storm vs. Bobby Roode vs. Lashley
Winner gets PJ Black for the King of the Mountain Title next week. It’s a brawl to start and all four head outside to fight. Roode can’t suplex Lashley on the ramp so Lashley and Anderson clean house, only to turn it into a standoff as we take a break. Back with Roode and Storm having an old school standoff to a smattering of applause. Dinero: “They’re facing off…..again.”
Roode gets two off a quick neckbreaker but Anderson breaks it up. Lashley is back in as well for a superplex to Storm. Anderson misses a swanton bomb and gets clotheslined by Storm but they both head outside. Lashley turns Roode inside out off a clothesline but Roode knees out of a delayed vertical. The Roode Bomb is blocked by a grab of the ropes, only to have Storm come back in with a Codebreaker.
Anderson’s swinging neckbreaker puts Storm down and the Mic Check gets two on Roode. Lashley spears Anderson to the floor, only to charge into the Last Call. We’re down to Roode vs. Storm again and the Beer Money chant sets up a double suplex on Anderson. They load up the signature taunt but the Roode Bomb plants Storm for the pin at 13:30.
Rating: C+. Fun match here but what’s it for? A shot at a title that doesn’t actually belong to this company? Roode winning is the logical choice and Storm is the perfect one to take the fall since he’s on his way out. They kept this moving fast enough to make the match work and that’s all you can do here.
Velvet Sky, Gail Kim and Brooke are all on the cover of the calendar. So much for the competition.
Ethan is pleased with the Hardys’ decision.
Here’s Dixie for the big announcement about Jarrett being in charge going forward. She says the best times in this company’s history have been when two people are working together on top. Jeff is invited to the ring and thanks Dixie for that surprise phone call a month or so ago. They have something special going with this partnership and Dixie believes they’re unstoppable when they work together. Sweet goodness have you looked into being stopped? This brings out Drew Galloway with news as we go to a break.
Back with Drew going on about the dark cloud of the attacks over TNA. After praising Jeff, Drew thinks it’s weird that there are no clues, but he put his criminology degree to use (that’s a cool idea for a change) and said there’s only one clue: the license plates of the getaway cars. And what do you know: they’re both registered to Jeff Jarrett. You know, the guy he was praising a minute ago.
Jeff says no way but here’s Karen Jarrett to say she did it for her husband, her family and for GFW. She says one little spark can cause a giant inferno. With that, Jeff kicks Drew low and here are the GFW guys to beat Galloway down. Some TNA midcarders run out for an attempt at a save but get beaten down as well. The Wolves take a beating too and GFW poses to end the show. Good night this felt lame. Like wow, JEFF JARRETT turning his back on someone? Who would have seen that coming? And Chris Masters and Justin Gabriel as top villains? This really is the best they can do too, and that’s pathetic.
Overall Rating: C-. Yeah fine. The wrestling was watchable here but there’s so little here as far as storylines go. Jeff Jarrett as the big bad is supposed to be the major story? Another Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III match? I know their TV is running out, but they’re not exactly lighting the world on fire to make me want to see more. The show was decent enough this week, but it’s nothing worth seeing, as is almost always the case around here. By the way, that last segment: longer than any match tonight.
Results
Eric Young b. Chris Melendez – Rollup with feet on the ropes
Tigre Uno b. DJZ and Sonjay Dutt – Springboard splash to DJZ
Wolves b. Manik/Abyss – Powerbomb/backstabber combo to Manik
Brooke b. Velvet Sky via DQ when the Dollhouse interfered
Bobby Roode b. James Storm, Lashley and Mr. Anderson – Roode Bomb to Storm
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – August 12, 2015: It Had To Start Somewhere
Impact Wrestling Date: August 12, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
They’re here! Tonight is the first time we’ll be seeing Global Force Wrestling talent (other than the Jarretts that is) on TNA TV. With Bully Ray out of action, Jeff Jarrett has offered to be in charge tonight and have the GFW talent come in and help out for a night. I’m sure this won’t go badly for TNA whatsoever. Let’s get to it.
The Jarretts and Global Force wrestlers arrive.
We open with a recap of how Jeff got to be in charge tonight and run down the card of interpromotional matches, including a King of the Mountain match for the King of the Mountain Title.
Here are the Jarretts to open things up with Jeff being so thankful that he answered that call from TNA management. He left TNA on a positive note and has founded Global Force Wrestling, which is about competing at the highest level. Everyone can connect to competing and tonight is all about creating a new rivalry. Tonight is about the best of the best squaring off and Jeff runs down the card, including a dream match between Trevor Lee/Brian Myers (Curt Hawkins) vs. the Wolves. That’s not a dream match dude.
The main event is the King of the Mountain match for the vacant title, but here’s Eric Young to protest. Young says he doesn’t care about the fans but declares himself God because he’s decided the fate of the World Title not once but twice. He took a war hero’s leg because he felt like it, so Jeff can be the promoter and bookerman and put himself in a match against Eric for the King of the Mountain Title.
Jeff says he isn’t a wrestler anymore so he won’t be defending the title here. This title isn’t just going to be defended in Global Force or TNA, because it’s going to be defended around the world. If Young wants in on the first King of the Mountain match, he’s in. Young is happy but beats down Jeff anyway, but here’s the GFW roster for the save. The TNA roster comes out and it’s a big brawl. This was a decent segment, but it would have been better had we not heard the card five minutes earlier.
Post break the GFW guys are all upset but Jeff comes in to say this isn’t an invasion and they need to just go win their matches.
Lei’D Tapa vs. Awesome Kong
Josh acts like Tapa is someone most of us wouldn’t know. For something that makes sense, we don’t know her big manager Royal Red. Red is nice enough to introduce himself (“My name is Royal Red”) before going on about how awesome Tapa is. They ram into each other to start with Kong getting the better of it off a corner splash, followed by a cross body for two.
Pope brings up Barbarian being Tapa’s uncle as Kong gets two off a splash. Tapa comes back with a Samoan drop for two but Kong fires off strikes to the head, capped off by the spinning backfist. A chokeslam drops Lei’D and a clothesline puts her on the floor. Kong gets pulled outside as well and it’s a double countout at 4:42.
Rating: D+. Well that happened. I still have no idea why I’m supposed to care about Tapa (I mean, other than being Barbarian’s niece of course) and this was just two big girls slamming into each other. Why that’s supposed to be appealing to me isn’t clear, as it came off as a lame match that we’ve seen about a dozen times between the likes of Kamala and King Kong Bundy, though not as memorable.
PJ Black (Justin Gabriel) and Drew Galloway are in the King of the Mountain match.
Black is ready for the match but has to take a phone call.
Drew Galloway is going to stand up for TNA and himself.
Here’s Bobby Roode to talk about how insane everything is here, but he’s ticked off. Roode isn’t happy with not being in the main event already, so if Jarrett has a problem with him, come say it to his face. First though, Roode would like Rockstar Spud to come out here. Roode says Spud must be proud as a peacock after his win last week but Spud looks worried. Last week, Spud showed that anyone can defeat anyone at any time, “even little old you Spuddy.”
Spud doesn’t think he’d ever be here with Bobby Roode and have him be such a condescending jerk. The Rockstar is tired of being told he shouldn’t be here, because he said he’d be a wrestler and then he did it. Then he said he’d be a champion in TNA and he did it. Then he said he’d cash in the X-Division Title and fight for the World Title and he did it. Roode is mad about Aries being gone but don’t take it out on Spud, because Roode is coming off like a bully that takes kids’ lunch money.
Roode doesn’t like Spud talking like that and says he’d take Spud out where Aries failed. That’s enough for Spud who drills Roode in the face, only to get his head taken off by a clothesline. Roode chokes Spud with his shirt and beats him on the floor until we go to a break. Good segment here as Roode continues to be as talented as ever and Spud overachieves like few I’ve ever seen.
After a break, Jarrett and Roode yell at each other in the back until Roode says Jeff isn’t his boss anymore and tells him to get out of his face.
Jesse Godderz vs. Lashley
The winner is in the King of the Mountain match. Godderz won’t let Lashley pose on the ropes so Lashley press slams him with ease. Jesse bails to the floor to avoid the spear as the announcers talk about Ronda Rousey. Back in and the running shoulder in the corner has Jesse in trouble and a delayed vertical suplex with one arm makes things even worse.
Jesse gets in a nice dropkick and drive some forearms into the face. He makes the mistake of trying a hold on the mat though, allowing Lashley to easily pick Jesse up and throw him down. Some rolling suplexes have Jesse reeling but the spear is countered by a powerslam for two. The Adonis Lock is easily countered though and the spear sends Lashley to the main event at 5:45.
Rating: C-. This could have been much worse, but I don’t see much for Godderz after this, which is a shame as he was finding a nice groove for himself with the Adonis gimmick. That being said, this is a good use for guys like you. You don’t has to put main eventers like Lashley against other main event talent all the time and Jesse isn’t really crushed by the loss. Hopefully he bounces back, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up.
We recap last week’s Full Metal Mayhem match with Ethan Carter III retaining over Matt Hardy.
Drew Galloway is unconscious in the back, in the same place where Bully Ray was laid out.
Dixie Carter is with the Jarretts……wait if she’s here, WHY IS SHE NOT IN CHARGE??? The three of them think someone is trying to take down the companies working together. Jeff will fix the main event.
Here are Ethan Carter III and Tyrus with something to say. Ethan talks about this title representing a culmination of his life’s work and that it proves he’s better than anyone in any locker room across the world. Last week he defended the title in a car crash after Matt Hardy caught lightning in a bottle (read as he won a match thrown together as a #1 contenders match when he backdropped someone through a table).
Ethan denies sucking because he defends this title in God Mode. Cue Matt Hardy because losing in his signature match isn’t enough of a reason to end this story. Matt says Ethan has a claim of being the best in the world right now, but he won’t take his eyes off Carter until he wins the title. No one knows more about dusting yourself off and marching forward than Matt Hardy because he will not die.
Ethan respects Matt for hitting him harder than anyone else ever has, but the people will get to decide if Matt gets another shot. This ends as you would expect, with Matt having a belt bounced off his face. I have no idea why this is still going, but the more I think about it, who else does Carter have to face? Everyone else has left the company or he’s already beaten them.
Taryn Terrell tells the Dollhouse to beat Gail Kim in a cage match.
Christopher Mordetzky (Chris Masters) is in the King of the Mountain match for no given reason and says he’ll win.
Brian Myers/Trevor Lee vs. Wolves
Non-title and Lee is an indy regular who looks like a caveman. Davey and Myers (who looks a bit like AJ Styles with bad hair) start things off and the Wolves quickly take over with their precision double teaming. The Wolves send them to the floor for a pair of baseball slides and suicide dives as this is one sided so far. Back in and Lee gets in a shot on Eddie to take over, allowing Myers to slap on a chinlock.
A nice double hurricanrana puts Myers and Lee down, setting up the hot tag to Davey. We get the eternally stupid “dropkick an opponent to make him DDT his own partner because HE DOESN’T LET GO” spot from Davey before he slugs it out with Lee. Myers plants Davey with a nice Downward Spiral into a German suplex from Lee, only to have the throw into the kick and powerbomb/backstabber combo take out Trevor for the pin at 6:24.
Rating: C. The match was fine but are Lee and Myers really the best team GFW has? They were decent enough but it’s just Curtis Hawkins and some guy. That’s Jarrett’s idea of a dream match? It’s good enough as a stand alone match but if this was supposed to be some big clash, they’re in major trouble.
Lashley says of course he can win tonight but he’s also here to defend TNA, which no one is talking about.
Sonjay Dutt vs. Tigre Uno
Non-title. The fans are behind the former TNA mainstay Dutt. Tigre gets in a quick kick to start and ties up Dutt’s arms into his legs, setting up a running dropkick on the mat. Back up and Dutt hurricanranas Tigre out to the floor and does it again on the outside. A springboard splash gets two for Sonjay and it’s time to go for the mask. That goes nowhere so Dutt takes him to the top and poses, allowing Tigre to roll through into a sunset flip for the pin at 3:36.
Rating: D+. As I said earlier, well that happened. It’s another three minute X-Division match with some decent flips and dives but no real reason to care about the match. They’re building Tigre up into something, but there needs to be either some more time or an actual story instead of these one off matches.
Jeff comes up to Ethan in the back to praise him, but Ethan claims it’s a sham. Jarrett suggests that Ethan watch the main event, because the winner gets a title shot next week.
Mr. Anderson says the microphone doesn’t define him but it does define his success. It was on that very spot where Bram attacked him, but he’ll go home when he’s ready. Today isn’t that day, because next week it’s a microphone match, which means mic on a pole minus the pole.
Next week is Turning Point. This would be their second special in three weeks.
King of the Mountain Title: PJ Black vs. Chris Mordetzky vs. Lashley vs. Eric Young vs. ???
The title is vacant coming in and the mystery replacement is…..Robbie E. The rules here are complicated, as it’s a reverse ladder match where you have to hang the belt in order to win. However, before you can do that, you have to qualify by getting a pin or submission. Whoever is pinned or submits is sent to a penalty box for two minutes, meaning there could be some strategy involved.
Lashley spears Young down for a pin in less than thirty seconds to qualify and send Young to the penalty box. Black does the same to Chris off a top rope sunset flip to make this a three way for now. Lashley cleans house but charges into the post, allowing E. to nail him with a top rope clothesline. Another one from PJ looks to get a pin but Black and Robbie get in a fight.
The Boom Drop is enough to pin Black and Robbie is eligible, only to get speared down to give Lashley another pin. Lashley is the only person not in the box at the moment but Young and Chris get out (after more than two minutes) to keep Lashley from winning in four minutes. Back from a break with Lashley being sent to the floor, allowing Mordetzky to roll Young up for the pin, meaning only Young isn’t eligible.
Mordetzky puts Lashley in the full nelson but Robbie dives off the box to take them both down in a completely unnecessary spot. Robbie and Black chop it out on the floor and Young gets out of the cage as we have a ladder brought in. Young piledrives Robbie on the steps for the pin and all five are now eligible. Black stops Mordetzky from climbing the ladder but Lashley comes in and cleans house, only to have Young stop his climb.
Eric starts cleaning house with the title but Black springboards in ala Shelton Benjamin for a slugout on top of the ladder. Lashley spears Young down but Black would rather hit the 450 (meaning knees to the chest) on Lashley before climbing up and hanging the title for the win at 14:58.
Rating: C. Black winning is a nice surprise but he comes off as the guy that loses the title to the first big name to be champion. I’m still not a fan of this match as it’s such a mess but at least they had something big for the ending. It’s also nice to have GFW actually win something for a change tonight, but this wasn’t anything great.
Ethan comes out to pose with his title to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. Where do I even start? First and foremost: the GFW contingent mainly consists of Sonjay Dutt, Chris Masters, Curt Hawkins and Justin Gabriel. I know GFW doesn’t have the world’s strongest roster, but good night that’s the best they can do on the first time they’re on the national stage?
Other than that, the main problem here is the matches not being very good. The wrestling wasn’t bad, but it’s a bunch of WWE rejects/former TNA guys out there fighting what’s left of the TNA roster. How is this supposed to be interesting to anyone but the rosters themselves? This felt like a desperate shot at saving the company and it really, really didn’t work. The show was better than some of TNA’s previous offerings due to just being different, but this is far from the answer to their many prayers.
Results
Awesome Kong vs. Lei’D Tapa went to a double countout
Lashley b. Jesse Godderz – Spear
Wolves b. Brian Myers/Trevor Lee – Powerbomb/Backstabber combination to Lee
Tigre Uno b. Sonjay Dutt – Sunset flip
PJ Black b. Lashley, Robbie E., Chris Mordetzky and Eric Young – Black hung the title
Impact Wrestling – July 22, 2015: TNA’s Epithet
Impact Wrestling Date: July 22, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
We have a boss to counter the Reign of Carter now as Bully Ray was appointed the new man in charge last week. That leaves us in need of a new challenger as Kurt Angle is on the shelf, meaning we might be getting someone new in the main event scene. Other than that though, we have the fallout of Eli Drake turning on his former Rising teammate, Drew Galloway, after costing him the World Title last week. Let’s get to it.
We open with the announcement of the newest inductee into the TNA Hall of Fame. In the biggest surprise of all time, it’s Jeff Jarrett. The video treats him like a demigod but at least it’s a name that belongs in the Hall of Fame.
Tonight we’ll be seeing the King of the Mountain match from Slammiversary, likely due to the Hernandez issue.
Bram vs. Magnus
This is a street fight joined in progress with Magnus chopping away. A superplex plants Bram again and Magnus boots him in the face. This has been one sided so far. Bram finally gets an opening as Magnus goes for weapons, allowing Bram to score with a cookie sheet shot to the head. Magnus comes back with some weapon shots of his own but the referee gets bumped, meaning the Spine Shaker only gets a close two. Bram hits Magnus low and grabs a rollup for the pin at 6:37, likely writing Magnus off TV.
Rating: C-. Well there’s a gimmick match for the sake of having a gimmick match, which is one of the last things you want to see in a wrestling company. At least there’s a backstory between these guys, but it’s been a good while since they were even feuding. Not a bad brawl, but I don’t know why it happened.
Post match James Storm comes out and tells Magnus that the partner is revealed tonight.
Here’s Eli Drake with his crutch. Drake keeps saying his name slowly so we all get it as he starts talking about finally being allowed to stand out here alone. Drew finally got Drake’s foot in the door here and Eli was grateful, but Drew would NEVER SHUT UP about the Rising. You had Mica nodding his head like the puppet he was but Drew kept trying to do the talking for him.
The fans might have been stunned at what he did, but they’re all like him. Everyone here has called in to work sick when they were fine. Everyone here has friends just because those people can get them things. There are women here who are with men justbecause they can pay their bills. Galloway will never be TNA Champion because Drake won’t let him, so here’s Drew to interrupt.
Drew talks about people thinking he’s older than he really is (he turned 30 last month) because he’s been around the world so many times. He’s been talking to the fans about what they want him to do, and the results are clear. The fight is on with Drake missing a crutch swing but taking Drew down with elbows to the back of the head. The Future Shock sends Eli running to the floor and they’ll fight another day. Drake has a very basic character but he plays it well and sounds confident. I dug what I saw here and hopefully he can back up the good presence in the ring.
Taryn Terrell interrupts a Pit Wars (Destination America show) plug by shoving over a grill and demanding her title back. The six sides of steel has been lowered and the Dollhouse gets inside. Taryn screeches a lot until Brooke comes out and says Taryn did all of this to herself. The fans are all that matters in this company and Taryn can’t stand when they chant for her. Brooke makes fun of the screaming and says Taryn must be mad at herself. Taryn goes after her but here’s Gail Kim in the cage to beat up Marti and Jade. Gail beats them up and stares at Taryn and that’s about it.
From Slammiversary 2015 (the full version instead of the clipped one):
King of the Mountain Title: Drew Galloway vs. Eric Young vs. Bobby Roode vs. Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Jarrett
It’s the old Legends/TV/Global Title with a new plate. The rules here aren’t exactly simple. You win by climbing the ladder and hanging the title, but in order to do that you have to earn a fall to be qualified with falls counting anywhere. Whoever is pinned must go to a penalty box for two minutes. We get big match intros with JB saying Drew is standing in the corner to his left. He’s kneeling but close enough. Jarrett is introduced by his old nickname: the King of the Mountain.
Jarrett stands back as everyone brawls to start. It’s Roode going after Jarrett first but eating a backdrop, followed by Young taking a beating as well. Jarrett goes for a strut but Roode rolls him up for a pin to become eligible and to send Jarrett to the penalty box for two minutes. Matt Side Effects Roode for two as Jarrett escapes….only to be covered by Young to become eligible. Everyone brawls inside and get sent into the ladder until Jarrett gets out.
Young hits Jarrett low but gets rolled up by Galloway for a pin. Matt hits a Twist of Fate for a pin on Roode at the same time, sending both Young and Roode to the box at the same time. Only Jarrett is unqualified at this point. Hardy and Galloway fight on the ladder (yeah remember the whole ladder part of this match?) but Jeff shoves them both down and Strokes Galloway for two with Hardy making the save.
Jeff covers Matt for two more as Young and Roode are making a pact in the box. Both guys get out and clean house before stopping to sing O Canada as we flash back ten years. Young tries to turn on Roode and gets Cactus Clotheslined out to the floor. Galloway and Hardy go to the ropes but get powerbombed down by Jarrett, only to have Roode and Young steal pins to keep Jarrett ineligible. It’s a three way fight now with Young vs. Roode vs. Jarrett with Eric getting the best of it and grabbing a guitar, only to have Jeff take it away and knock Bobby silly to become eligible.
Galloway and Hardy get out and fight over possession of the belt but knock each other down, leaving Jarrett to climb up. Young pulls him down with a powerbomb and a piledriver onto a ladder, followed by Roode coming out of the box. Galloway climbs on top of the cage for a big flip dive to put all five guys down. It’s Drew climbing again and Matt pulling him down again. Just to keep up the idea of the match of course. Roode stops Hardy and goes up but Young makes the save with another ladder. Jarrett and Young go up with Jeff hitting a Stroke off the ladders, allowing him to hang the title for the win at 20:56.
Rating: D+. So in case you don’t get it, here’s the story: TNA is freaking out that an invader (who they invited) is going to take a title that they just invented to another company which they basically advertise for free on their TV show. Oh and Jarrett is a face because he’s a legend in TNA and therefore the announcers panicking really doesn’t fit with what’s going on. The match was your standard King of the Mountain mess with the most obvious winner in the history of obvious winners.
Counting commercials, this ate up about 35 minutes of the show.
And now, a word from Tigre Uno to Donald Trump. Tigre talks about how awesome Mexico is and doesn’t like what Trump said. Trump is challenged to come to the Impact Zone next week to end a quick fluff piece.
We recap Mickie James and Magnus challenging James Storm to find a woman to face the two of them.
Here’s the Revolution to introduce the newest member of the team. Storm rants about how screwed up this country is and talks about trying to give Mickie as many chances as he could. The newest member of the Revolution is…..Serena, as in Serena Deeb. Serena talks about how she and Mickie used to be best friends, but then Mickie James became a star and left her behind. Serena was lost until she found James Storm, and now things are better than ever. Storm talks to the camera with a message for Mickie and Magnus’ son Donovan, telling him that this is the biggest mistake his parents ever made.
Eric Young vs. Rockstar Spud
Chain match, for reasons not clear. Young dominates to start and beats Spud with the chain before taking him outside for some whips into the barricade with the chain. Back in and more chain shots get two but Spud low blows Eric with the chain to take over. Spud goes after Eric in the corner but Young pulls the referee in the way, setting up a quick piledriver to pin Spud at 5:48.
Rating: D. There was no reason for this to be a chain match but at least they kept it short. Young being violent is far more acceptable than just calling him crazy over and over again, which was my major problem with his former character. Spud needs something better than this and hopefully that comes soon.
Matt Hardy vs. Bobby Roode
Tables match for the #1 contendership. They quickly fight to the floor with Roode nailing a suplex onto the stairs. It’s already table time, but Roode just drops it onto Hardy instead of trying to put Hardy through it. Back in and Roode plants him with a spinebuster and chokes with the table legs, only to have Matt make a quick comeback. The moonsault through the table is broken up but neither guy can hit a finisher. Instead Matt backdrops him over the top and through the table for the win at 6:55.
Rating: D+. This was another short gimmick match that didn’t work very well due to the time they had to work with. What can you really do with a tables match in less than seven minutes? Matt and Roode barely have any reason to fight each other but hat’s what we get because of the whole Hernandez debacle. What does that have to do with this match? Well I’m glad you asked. You did ask didn’t you?
Overall Rating: D-. So here’s the thing: from what I can find, Bully Ray had announced the three gimmick matches you saw as a series to find four potential #1 contenders. That word “four” is the magic one here though, because Hernandez was involved in this original idea. My guess is that they had to cut the whole idea and ignore any reference to it to make sure Hernandez is never mentioned because, you know, TNA is stupid.
In other words, we’re stuck with two random gimmick matches and a WAY too long pay per view match before getting to a random #1 contenders match to end the show. Bad show, but again it’s due to the company’s management instead of the wrestlers themselves. That should be the company’s epithet: the company screwed up, not the wrestlers.
Results
Bram b. Magnus – Low blow
Eric Young b. Rockstar Spud – Piledriver
Matt Hardy b. Bobby Roode – Backdrop through a table
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Slammiversary 2015 Date: June 28, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero, Mike Tenay
This should be an interesting one as the company has already taped the next month’s worth of TV before this show, but at the same time there’s some interesting stuff going on here too. The main event (in theory) is the King of the Mountain match with Jeff Jarrett returning for one more match (allegedly). Let’s get to it.
We open with the highlight package over the years. Of course this means mainly focusing on Sting, Hogan and Angle.
X-Division Title: DJZ vs. Manik vs. Tigre Uno
Tigre is defending in an elimination match with Tigre starting fast until he sends everyone to the floor for a big dive. Back in and Manik slams the champ down and we hit a chinlock, basically defeating the purpose of the entire division. DJZ tries to break up a springboard and eats a dropkick to the face for his efforts. Serves him right. Back in and Manik knees DJZ in the face because he’s still not over that broken springboard.
Manik suplexes the champ down but it’s DJZ coming back in with some nice flips and a wristdrag/headscissors combo to take both guys down. A running double knee puts all three guys down and Dinero drops a Contra Code reference. It’s DJZ up first with a modified Tower of Doom as he hits a Sliced Bread off an electric chair, only to have Tigre nail him in the face and hit a twisting split legged moonsault for the elimination at 9:45. Pope referred to it as a move that is difficult to describe.
The champ misses a top rope stomp but gets his knees up to block a splash. His rollup gets two and Manik hits a nice twisting chest buster, followed by a frog splash for two. There’s nothing going on between these spots. Back up and Tigre mostly misses a corkscrew moonsault but it’s enough to put Manik away and retain the title at 12:09.
Rating: C. This was the spotiest spotfest that I’ve seen since…..well since the last Ring of Honor show I saw. Again, there’s no story or reason to have this match other than to say “hey here’s an X-Division Title match”. Tigre is fine as a high flying champion, but they need a story to give us a reason to care about the guy.
Robbie E. says tonight is serious. He’s been here five years (not quite) and it’s time to stop the dancing and being a goof.
We recap the BroMans’ split, which is all about Jesse claiming that it was his work that made the team a success.
Robbie E. vs. Jesse Godderz
Jesse is officially “The Man”. Before the match they keep up the stalling with Jesse bragging about his success as the fans let him know that they don’t care. Robbie, with new music, cuts him off and beats Jesse up at ringside before doing the same inside. A big backdrop sets up a dive onto Jesse as this is all E. so far.
Godderz finally hits a powerslam on the floor but can’t get Robbie up for what looked like a gutwrench suplex. Instead a backbreaker gets two and we hit the bearhug on Robbie. That goes as far as a bearhug is going to go in 2015 and Robbie comes back with a middle rope cross body.
E. wins a slugout but gets caught in a buckle bomb, only to have a double clothesline put both guys down. This time Jesse’s regular powerbomb gets two and the Adonis Lock (Boston crab) goes on, only to have Robbie make the ropes without too much effort. Robbie comes right back with a reverse DDT for a quick pin at 11:18.
Rating: C-. The match was decent enough with Jesse working on the back and then they just went to the finish out of nowhere. Jesse’s push is now a big waste but at least they’re giving someone young like Robbie a nice push. Now to be fair I can’t imagine them doing anything with it and there’s probably going to be a rematch, which is actually match #5, but this wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world. Technically fine, but the story is nothing all that entertaining.
Matt Hardy says he’ll win tonight.
Bram vs. Matt Morgan
Morgan returned as a surprise on Wednesday. Before the match, Matt wants it to be a street fight and Bram is all like “Okey dokey”, but with a British accent. Morgan runs him over to start and they head to the floor to actually make it a fight. Bram comes back with his big metal hook to take over, followed by some trashcan shots to the head. Back in as this match is clearly just more filler.
Morgan calls for a chokeslam but opts to Carbon Footprint a trashcan into Bram’s face. The big man can’t follow up though so Bram goes around the ring to look for a special weapon. He FINALLY picks a few chairs but gets chokeslammed onto one of them for two. That’s it for Morgan though as the Brighter Side of Suffering onto the chair gives Bram the pin at 9:30.
Rating: D+. Well at least they didn’t job Bram. I guess the blueprint part is just physical because this would be REALLY STUPID for Morgan to pick as a stipulation. The match was your standard hardcore brawl as this show continues to feel like a house show that they taped and aired here. Morgan looked fine but I don’t expect him to be back longer than maybe one more appearance at most. Nothing special here, as usual tonight.
Ethan Carter III and Tyrus don’t like JB correcting them. They try to rip his hair off but it’s real. This was basically just a plug for Wednesday’s World Title match.
Austin Aries vs. Davey Richards
The winner gets to pick the stipulation for the fifth match in the Tag Team Title series. Aries takes him down to start but then runs to the corner to hide. They trade some standing switches until Aries bails to the floor to avoid a kick to the head. Back in and Aries plants him with an STO of all things but won’t use the Pendulum Elbow.
A wristlock doesn’t get Aries anywhere as Davey dropkicks him out to the floor for some more stalling. Richards wins a chase and hammers him against the barricade but Austin comes back with a shot of his own, setting up a top rope ax handle to take over. Back in and the slingshot hilo gets two for Austin, followed by a handspring elbow for the same. Some kicks to the chest make Davey growl a bit, allowing him to come back with a kick to the chest and a German suplex.
Aries seems to be looking for a tag, because a guy who has primarily wrestled as a singles guy for years and recently reformed a tag team can’t remember how a one on one match works. Aries takes him to the floor for a big dive and nails a missile dropkick, setting up the Last Chancery.
As usual it doesn’t work (it rarely did when he was a face either) but the brainbuster doesn’t either with Davey countering into a falcon’s arrow for two. They slug it out until Davey throws him into the air for a kick to the chest, followed by the top rope double stomp (to the arm) for two more. Cue Bobby Roode and Eddie Edwards for a distraction, allowing Aries to roll Davey up for the pin at 17:28.
Rating: B. That’s probably going to be the match of the night as we’re definitely in One Night Only territory here. This was a match that didn’t change a thing but at least was entertaining while it lasted. Everyone is trying on this show, but there’s only so much you can do to overcome the power of indifference.
The Dirty Heels pick a 30 minute Iron Man match. In case you hadn’t seen these teams fight enough yet.
Eric Young says he’ll win.
Dollhouse vs. Brooke/Awesome Kong
Before the match the Dollhouse says they’re better looking so they’ll win. Kong is in a full body outfit this time. Taryn chokes Kong to start but all three Dolls are sent into the corner for a big triple splash. They officially start with Jade having no luck against Kong with a Marti having to break up a cover off a splash. Brooke comes in off the hot tag and cleans house before things settle down with Marti taking over.
Back to Jade for a bearhug, which is in no way an excuse to get Brooke’s trunks to ride up. The referee misses a tag to Kong but it goes through a few seconds later, allowing Kong to destroy the Dollhouse (sans Taryn) just like she did before. Brooke clotheslines both of them down as Kong goes after Taryn, leaving Brooke to hit a top rope facebuster (the Butterface Maker. Just go with it) for the pin at 8:23.
Rating: D. No point to the match, basically no Taryn, and just a step above a squash. The Dollhouse is already crumbling but we can get like six years of the Beautiful People. At least it’s not Gail Kim doing her least interesting stuff again, because I don’t think I can handle another major push for her.
Magnus doesn’t hate James Storm even though he wants to. Tonight he has to believe that love is stronger than hate, even if he loves the way hate feels. The devil can’t catch him tonight because he’s already inside. Good line to end this. It makes little sense but good line. Also, you would think that the whole attempted murder thing might have fired Magnus up more.
Long recap of Magnus vs. Storm. Basically Storm was all friendly but was just trying to get Mickie James to join the Revolution but she turned him down so Storm tried to kill her by shoving her in front of a train. Now it’s time for a match.
James Storm vs. Magnus
Unsanctioned so anything goes. They slug it out at ringside to start before heading into the crowd with Magnus taking over. Storm slams him through a table of food and grabs a beer bottle but stops to spit on the announcers, allowing Magnus to come back with right hands. They get back inside with a table being set up but Storm hits him low.
Magnus doesn’t seem to mind as he catapults Storm’s face into the bottom of the table for a unique spot. It’s off to the back of the arena again as a production guy repeatedly tells them that there’s high voltage back there. Magnus is thrown into a box and the video screen goes to a test pattern. That goes nowhere so they head back to the ring with the Eye of the Storm being countered into a powerbomb through the table for two.
Storm comes back with an Orton hanging DDT but stops to set up another table on the floor. Instead of putting Magnus through the table though, Storm yells at Earl Hebner, allowing Magnus to make a comeback. Magnus misses a top rope elbow through the table and crashes onto the concrete. That’s only good for two of course so Storm pulls out some powder.
Magnus comes back for like the tenth time but the powder goes into Earl’s eyes, meaning there’s no count off the Spine Shaker. Instead the Last Call gets two so it’s cowbell time, but Magnus hits another Spine Shaker for two. END THIS ALREADY! Now the cowbell connects and another Last Call gets another two.
Storm sets up two chairs with a piece of barricade bridged between. Magnus superplexes him through the barricade and, say it with me, it gets two. Both guys get bottles and connect at the same time with Storm falling on top for the pin (despite Magnus being on the barricade and therefore his shoulders not being on the mat) at 16:38.
Rating: C+. The match was trying but they went WAY too far and long out there as it was almost a copy of the Rusev vs. Cena match at Payback. Yeah they beat each other up a lot but I lost interest about halfway through. This felt like it was about four matches packed into one, but at least it was a fun brawl. The start was pretty lame though as they were just kind of walking around and trying to figure out what to do.
Drew Galloway says he’ll win, just like the Rising this Wednesday in the final battle with the BDC. Another match that should have aired here.
The audio is screwed up because of the electrical stuff earlier on. Thankfully we’re treated to a long shot of the production crew cleaning up the debris from the previous match and then a shot of the announcers.
Ethan Carter III/Tyrus vs. Mr. Anderson/Lashley
There’s no commentary and Anderson’s mic doesn’t work. It starts up again as Anderson and Carter start things off with Ethan being taken into the corner for a beating and a spear. Lashley can’t quite suplex him over the first time but Tyrus gets in a surprise chokeslam to take over. Tyrus comes in for some shots to the neck as Tenay talks about Anderson and Lashley feuding over the ECW and US Titles.
Anderson comes in with jabs as we’re treated to Pope talking about his time in OVW. His feud down there with Matt Morgan is the least interesting feud that I have ever seen so I wouldn’t brag much about it. Commentary keeps cutting out, leaving us to analyze Carter’s chinlock on Anderson with no guidance. Lashley comes in off the hot tag to clean house again with a running powerslam getting two on Carter. Anderson and Lashley slug away on Tyrus but he (mostly) suplexes them both down. Carter runs back in for the 1%er on Lashley for the pin at 10:12.
Rating: D. Standard Impact main event here but this show has already sucked all the life out of me so I couldn’t get into things. Carter winning is the only logical move here to help set up the title match on Wednesday, even though they already had him pin Lashley and Anderson. It’s almost like this match was thrown together with the best logic they could think and it still wasn’t enough.
The announcers preview King of the Mountain. Jarrett is treated as an invader.
Jarrett says he can’t believe he’s back here but wants to take this to a global level.
King of the Mountain Title: Drew Galloway vs. Eric Young vs. Bobby Roode vs. Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Jarrett
It’s the old Legends/TV/Global Title with a new plate. The rules here aren’t exactly simple. You win by climbing the ladder and hanging the title, but in order to do that you have to earn a fall to be qualified with falls counting anywhere. Whoever is pinned must go to a penalty box for two minutes. We get big match intros with JB saying Drew is standing in the corner to his left. He’s kneeling but close enough. Jarrett is introduced by his old nickname: the King of the Mountain.
Jarrett stands back as everyone brawls to start. It’s Roode going after Jarrett first but eating a backdrop, followed by Young taking a beating as well. Jarrett goes for a strut but Roode rolls him up for a pin to become eligible and to send Jarrett to the penalty box for two minutes. Matt Side Effects Roode for two as Jarrett escapes….only to be covered by Young to become eligible. Everyone brawls inside and get sent into the ladder until Jarrett gets out.
Young hits Jarrett low but gets rolled up by Galloway for a pin. Matt hits a Twist of Fate for a pin on Roode at the same time, sending both Young and Roode to the box at the same time. Only Jarrett is unqualified at this point. Hardy and Galloway fight on the ladder (yeah remember the whole ladder part of this match?) but Jeff shoves them both down and Strokes Galloway for two with Hardy making the save.
Jeff covers Matt for two more as Young and Roode are making a pact in the box. Both guys get out and clean house before stopping to sing O Canada as we flash back ten years. Young tries to turn on Roode and gets Cactus Clotheslined out to the floor. Galloway and Hardy go to the ropes but get powerbombed down by Jarrett, only to have Roode and Young steal pins to keep Jarrett ineligible. It’s a three way fight now with Young vs. Roode vs. Jarrett with Eric getting the best of it and grabbing a guitar, only to have Jeff take it away and knock Bobby silly to become eligible.
Galloway and Hardy get out and fight over possession of the belt but knock each other down, leaving Jarrett to climb up. Young pulls him down with a powerbomb and a piledriver onto a ladder, followed by Roode coming out of the box. Galloway climbs on top of the cage for a big flip dive to put all five guys down. It’s Drew climbing again and Matt pulling him down again. Just to keep up the idea of the match of course. Roode stops Hardy and goes up but Young makes the save with another ladder. Jarrett and Young go up with Jeff hitting a Stroke off the ladders, allowing him to hang the title for the win at 20:56.
Rating: D+. So in case you don’t get it, here’s the story: TNA is freaking out that an invader (who they invited) is going to take a title that they just invented to another company which they basically advertise for free on their TV show. Oh and Jarrett is a face because he’s a legend in TNA and therefore the announcers panicking really doesn’t fit with what’s going on. The match was your standard King of the Mountain mess with the most obvious winner in the history of obvious winners.
Overall Rating: D. That’s the worst part: the show wasn’t even that horrible. It’s in one of the worst categories possible though: the show that didn’t need to exist and underwhelmed. There were some good matches on here and the stories were actually current so it blows last year’s Bound For Glory out of the water, but my goodness this show felt like it was going on for days. It’s not a good show and it’s clear that this company is in complete free fall as they seem to have no idea what they’re supposed to do next.
I know the TV is taped for a month or so, but they really, really need to nail them because this show felt like the last time we’re going to see these guys. With a lot of these people leaving too, things are looking very, very bleak for TNA and they don’t really seem to notice. If Jarrett leaving with a freshly made midcard title for a promotion that has held about four shows is their big story, they’re in major, major trouble.
Results
Tigre Uno b. Manik and DJZ – Corkscrew moonsault to Manik
Robbie E. b. Jesse Godderz – Reverse DDT
Bram b. Matt Morgan – Brighter Side of Suffering onto a chair
Austin Aries b. Davey Richards – Rollup
James Storm b. Magnus – Beer bottle to the head
Tyrus/Ethan Carter III b. Lashley/Mr. Anderson – 1%er to Lashley
Jeff Jarrett b. Matt Hardy, Drew Galloway, Eric Young and Bobby Roode – Jarrett hung the title belt
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It’s another TNA pay per view and now, instead of being better than WWE’s offerings, the question is can they be better than One Night Only. It’s almost impossible to not beat Bound For Glory from last year, and at least there’s something borderline important on this show. Let’s get to it.
So this could be interesting as I’m not entirely sure what’s on the card in the first place.
We’ll start with the six man ladder match for the X-Division Title with new champion Tigre Uno defending against Rockstar Spud, Kenny King, Crazzy Steve, Manik and Mandrews. This is another example of the title meaning nothing as there are no feuds to be seen and it’s just throwing everyone out there for the sake of a big multi-man spot fest. It’s also telling that less than a week after the title changed hands, it’s already time for a fresh batch of opponents, despite Uno having no real connection to any of them. Tigre retains as he just got the belt earlier in the week.
I’ll take Davey over Aries to pick the stipulation for the final title match, because for some reason TNA thinks faces should pick stipulations in matches instead of heels, as common sense would suggest.
Matt Morgan will likely beat Bram via DQ or just cleanly because Bram is one of the biggest wastes in all of the company. This whole challenging anyone on the roster is really just a thing that he’s doing with no real upside. What good does it do him or anyone for that matter to have a bunch of one off matches? At least Morgan was successful in TNA. Kind of. In tag teams. Some of the time.
Ethan Carter III/Tyrus should beat Lashley and Anderson because there is zero logical reason for Anderson and Lashley to win given Carter’s upcoming title shot. Actually there’s no real reason for them to be teaming together other than they’re a pair of losers at the moment, but then again this is just another meaningless match.
Brooke and Kong over the Dollhouse in what should be another obvious ending. These are starting to worry me though as TNA is going to have to screw up something obvious sooner or later.
Jesse Godderz will beat Robbie E. because, again, there’s no logical reason for Robbie to go over. Godderz is getting a nice push as the new self obsessed heel, and having him lose to Robbie would be about the dumbest thing they could do here. Godderz won’t go very far with this character (his finisher is a Boston crab) but what they’re doing so far is working well.
Jeff Jarrett wins the King of the Mountain title. Yeah it’s now a title and the other participants are Matt Hardy, Eric Young, Drew Galloway and Bobby Roode. I love that they’re setting up a midcard title again, but their track record with these things kind of sucks. Well there’s no kind of to it actually. Maybe this will be different, assuming Jarrett actually sticks around.
Finally, James Storm over Magnus as this is probably continuing.
Overall, Slammiversary doesn’t look that bad. The card is WAY better than Bound For Glory looked last year as A, stuff actually matters here and B, I’ve heard of everyone on the card. I don’t think the show is going to mean anything other than being a long episode of Impact, but at least it could be entertaining. The build for this has barely existed because TNA can’t do something as simple as schedule things properly, but that’s the least of their problems right now. This show could be good, but it’s the most cautious optimism possible.
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Impact Wrestling – June 17, 2015: Three For The Price Of One
Impact Wrestling Date: June 17, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
We’ve got two weeks to go before Slammiversary and it’s time to start building towards the main event of the TV show two weeks from tonight. Yeah the Carter vs. Angle World Title match is going to be held on Impact instead of at the pay per view due to some scheduling issues. That is of course TOTALLY different than TNA being a poorly run company who couldn’t figure out that having a pay per view the day after a TV taping was really, really stupid. Let’s get to it.
We open with a tribute to Dusty Rhodes, who used to be the authority figure here back in the early days.
It’s time for Angle and Carter to sign the contract. In an interesting case, this is coming just after a contract signing closed Ring of Honor. Carter gets to talk first by talking about Angle beating Heartbreak Kids, Texas Rattlesnakes, Dead Men, Immortals, Electrifying Men, Rated R Superstars and some people you can’t even see. He’s also beaten submission machines, phenomenal ones, icons and charismatic enigmas (the first person mentioned actually still with this company. And shouldn’t those all be singular since Angle only beat one each?) but the World Title reigns ends with Carter.
Angle praises Carter, but thinks he’s a disrespectful punk. This time around, Kurt is healthy and ready because he’s been here before. Once Carter loses, it’s going to haunt him for the rest of his life. Both guys sign, but they also get to pick an opponent for each other. Angle gets to go first, and he picks Lashley to face Carter. Not a bad choice. Carter gets to pick next week on a live show.
The X-Division Title will be decided next week. Man just scrap Slammiversary and put on a Barney Miller marathon.
We recap the Tag Team Title series to this point, with the Wolves currently up 2-1.
Here are the Wolves with Davey talking about how they’ve fought around the world to be the best tag team in the world, and that’s what those belts mean. They’ve beaten the BroMans, the Hardys and Team 3D already and now it’s time for the Dirty Heels. Last time the Heels cheated to win, but the Wolves won’t get fooled again. Good line but points off for a WOLVES NATION shirt. Stop just putting a word in front of nation and thinking it sounds good.
Edwards wants to do match four right now, so here’s Roode sans Aries. Austin isn’t here tonight because he’s healing up after last week, so there’s no match. Eddie thinks a singles match is in order and Roode doesn’t think so, but he’ll do it if the winner gets to pick the stipulation for next week. The Wolves are fine and it’s time to go.
Bobby Roode vs. Eddie Edwards
Roode hammers away to start but Eddie kicks him outside for a big suicide dive. Back in and a clothesline gets two for Eddie but he runs into an elbow to the jaw. A Hennig necksnap puts Eddie down again as Roode is a heel this week. It’s good to know as it varies so often. Roode’s chinlock doesn’t go anywhere as Edwards comes back with a leg lariat.
The announcers call last week’s Aries vs. Angle match five stars. At least this time they’re waiting until after the match happened to praise it. There’s a backpack Stunner for two on Roode but he comes back with a spinebuster for the same. Roode tries to bring in a chair but Richards gets on the apron for some reason, earning him a swing from Bobby. The distraction lets Eddie get a rollup pin at 8:22.
Rating: C. This brings up the problem with the entire series: the matches are just ok. They’re not bad or anything, but I barely remember them a few minutes after they happened because they’re just coming and going as we wait for the big match to come for the titles to exist again. The ending made no sense either as the Wolves wound up cheating instead of the Dirty Heel. This story hasn’t been great since it started and it’s losing steam every week.
Davey makes match #4 Full Metal Mayhem. So what’s #5 going to be? Another regular match?
Joseph Park is back, minus his law firm, money or teeth. He’ll face Bram tonight and get to be the guy on top for the first time. So we’re just forgetting that he knows he’s Abyss I guess? Does that mean we’re done with the Revolution too?
We get a ten second video of Drew Galloway talking about how much he loves wrestling.
Bram vs. Joseph Park
Park tries to lecture Bram before the match and gets punched in the face. Bram slugs away but misses a chair shot, allowing Park to get in some shots of his own. Now it’s table and kendo stick time as I guess this is a hardcore match. It was never announced as one but sure why not. Park comes back with some kendo stick shots and a chokeslam for two. Back up and Park misses a spear through the table, allowing Bram to get the pin at 3:53.
Rating: F. A guy as talented as Bram is stuck in the hardcore story because there’s nothing else for him to do right now because they’ve killed off the singles titles other than the World Title and now we’re sitting here watching him against Joseph Park. Bad match here and Bram doesn’t even get to hit his finisher to win? Horrible stuff.
Taryn has a deal for Brooke and Awesome Kong: if they beat the Dolls tonight, they both get a title shot. If they lose, neither can ever have a shot again.
The world is ready to burn and playtime is over. No idea what that is for.
Marti Bell/Jade vs. Brooke/Awesome Kong
Brooke gets jumped in the aisle but here’s Kong for the save. The bell rings and Kong runs Jade over before it’s off to Brooke, who doesn’t have the same luck. Brooke fights off some double teaming but gets thrown right back into the corner as the announcers debate their taste in women. Brooke avoids a charge and spears Jade down, allowing for the tag to Kong. A chokeslam plants Marti and Brooke climbs onto her shoulders for a big elbow and the pin at 6:24.
Rating: D. This wasn’t the worst in the world but good grief Josh is getting on my nerves. Between talking about the number of days the champions have held their titles and calling Dinero the heel commentator, he becomes more of a combination of Cole and Striker every week. Nothing match here as the finish was obvious, though the story wasn’t bad.
We recap the hardcore war which ended with Eric Young choking out Chris Melendez with Chris’ prosthetic leg.
Chris Melendez wants to fight Eric Young right now. This brings Young out to praise Melendez for being an American hero, but Young just doesn’t care. He cares about no one but himself because there’s no reason for Melendez to be in the same ring as Eric Young. Does Chris really want to be here all alone next week? Chris says he’s ready. Young was just a jerk here and not crazy, making him FAR more effective as a heel. Melendez is nothing though.
DJZ vs. Jesse Godderz
Godderz laid DJZ out last week so DJZ charges right at him to start and nails a jawbreaker and middle rope back elbow (love that move). Back up and Jesse slams him down by the arm, setting up a Boston crab for the submission at 1:43.
Post match Godderz cuts a really, REALLY good promo about how he was the BroMans because he was the only one training while Robbie was on a reality TV show and DJZ was in some bar making funny noises. He rants about how Robbie was nothing until he joined the team and now DJZ is nothing either. Jesse gorilla presses him up but Robbie makes his big return and shows more fire than ever before. I’m actually digging this.
We look back at James Storm possibly murdering Mickie James a few weeks back.
Here’s a livid Magnus, two weeks after Mickie was attacked. He isn’t letting this show continue until he gets James Storm out here one on one. Here’s Storm to call Magnus the crazy jealous one for having Mickie followed by cameras. “What do you think was happening when those cameras weren’t there?” Magnus is held back by security but Storm brings out a baby stroller, presumably carrying Mickie and Magnus’ son.
James calls it his insurance policy but walks down the aisle without it. He says Mickie is a sorry excuse for a woman and Magnus is a sorry excuse for a man, which is finally enough to get Magnus past security. Storm kicks the baby stroller off the stage and of course it’s just a doll.
Video on Ethan Carter III.
Ethan Carter III vs. Bobby Lashley
Lashley throws him down to start and nails a hard clothesline before just running Carter over. Tyrus finally grabs Lashley’s boot to stop his boss’ pain but Lashley easily suplexes Carter over. Another Tyrus distraction lets Carter get in a dropkick off the apron to take over. The match isn’t bad so far but I can’t take much more of Josh talking about the number of days Carter has been undefeated. Carter slows him down with a chinlock for a bit before having to escape a torture rack.
Lashley scores with a powerslam for two but Tyrus puts a chair in the corner. The spear hits the chair (Earl Hebner has zero issue with this) and Carter gets two off a DDT. The 1%er is countered and the referee goes down (like it matters), right before the spear connects. Cue another referee but Tyrus takes him out and gives Lashley a Big Ending, setting up the third referee to count two, earning him a shot from Tyrus. Lashley spears Tyrus but gets speared down, only to get nailed in the back with a chair, setting up the 1%er to give Carter the pin at 9:26.
Rating: D+. This was straight out of the Russo playbook with two chairs, three ref bumps and interference in less than ten minutes. Angle was nowhere in sight to help even the odds because the script didn’t say he was supposed to and the whole thing was just way too much. It didn’t help that Josh was driving me up the wall with his counting the days of Carter being undefeated. We get it: you’re Michael Cole and Carter is Miz. Pick a better role model.
Overall Rating: D+. This show is on the verge of flying off the rails and you can see a lot of it coming from here. The problem right now is they’re building to three different shows instead of any one in particular. You have next week’s live show with Full Metal Mayhem and the X-Division Title match, Slammiversary (which I don’t think has anything official yet) and then the bell to bell show in two weeks with the World Title match. It doesn’t help that a lot of the midcard just feels like a big waste of time when they could be doing anything else. The show wasn’t horrible but they need to focus on something quick.
Results
Eddie Edwards b. Bobby Roode – Rollup
Bram b. Joseph Park – Pin after a missed spear through a table
Brooke/Awesome Kong b. Jade/Marti Bell – Elbow drop to Bell
Jesse Godderz b. DJZ – Boston crab
Ethan Carter III b. Bobby Lashley – 1%er
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Impact Wrestling – May 22, 2015 (International Impact): Oh Yeah They Knew
Impact Wrestling Date: May 22, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
So since Destination America basically threw up a middle finger at TNA on Memorial Day weekend, there was no new episode aired on Friday May 22. However, there was a show airing internationally which has since come online. This is a few weeks old but here it is for the sake of completeness. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the Hardys having to vacate the Tag Team Titles due to Jeff breaking his leg in a motocross accident, setting up the best of five series between the Dirty Heels and the Wolves.
D’Angelo Dinero is brought out for commentary. Granted that doesn’t mean much here as the only version I could find was in French.
Mandrews vs. Manik vs. Tigre Uno vs. Crazzy Steve vs. Argos vs. Rockstar Spud
Elimination match with no tags because that’s what the X-Division consists of these days. Spud starts fast and cleans house as Steve sits in the corner holding a monkey. Tigre dives over the top to take Manik out before Steve intentionally dives onto no one. He’s crazy you see. Mandrews sends Argos to the apron for a crash onto everyone, leaving Mandrews to hit a great looking shooting star onto the pile.
Back in and Manik pulls Steve out of the way of another Madrews shooting star (which would have missed by three feet anyway), setting up a rollup to get rid of Mandrews. Steve has silly string and clotheslines Manik in the corner, setting up a Cannonball for two. Wait….now there are tags? After that huge mess and insanity they have tags now??? Argos comes in for more clotheslines to Manik, followed by a reverse Shell Shock from Tigre for two. It’s strange to not hear the commentary as there’s far less to make fun of.
Steve comes back in to rip at Tigre’s mask, earning him a kick to the back of the head. Argos runs back in for a gorilla press gutbuster to eliminate Steve. It’s Argos vs. Spud now with Tigre coming in to double team the Rockstar. Tigre goes up top for a kind of top rope seated senton low blow for two and we take a break. Back with Argos hitting a running hurricanrana on Manik as we see Tigre being eliminated during the break to get us down to three.
Spud dropkicks Manik down and hits the Underdog on Argos for an elimination, leaving Spud vs. Manik. They slug it out with Spud getting the better of it with a bunch of punches and some running forearms. The Underdog is broken up and Manik gets two off his tiger suplex into a gutbuster. The same sequence sees Spud counter the gutbuster into a rollup for a near fall, followed by an Underdog from the apron to the ring for the pin at 15:23.
Rating: C. Well, you had six guys, they did moves to each other for fifteen minutes, and one of them didn’t get pinned. That’s what the X-Division has become: meaningless matches with someone coming out on top and no real reason to care about most of them. Other than Spud, these guys are almost interchangeable as far as levels of interest, so why should I care that he beat all of them?
Long recap of the BroMans rise and eventual split. It’s clear that they’re filling a lot of time.
Jesse arrives (sans shirt of course) and says he beat up Robbie because he’s better. Robbie got on a reality TV show after Jesse did so Robbie should be thanking him for his entire career. Robbie can be the Bro, but Jesse will be the Man.
Spud says that’s one step closer to getting the X-Division Title back. The people are with him, not Kenny King.
Jesse Godderz vs. DJZ
Before the match, Jesse says he’s the superstar and the reason they won the Tag Team Titles. He knows he and Zema are supposed to fight, but it would be the same ending that Robbie E. suffered. Jesse isn’t losing to a nobody. A serious DJZ comes out and says he was the X-Division Champion before the BroMans and Jesse was nothing. That’s enough to start the fight with DJZ hitting a quick running hurricanrana to send Jesse outside. A jawbreaker staggers Jesse (you might even say it stuns him) and it’s all DJZ so far.
Jesse comes back with a great dropkick and slaps on an armbar of all things. That goes as far as an armbar is going to go when your name isn’t Alberto and Jesse hot shots him down. DJZ kicks away what appeared to be a Figure Four and hits a Thesz press, only to get stomped back down. A Boston crab of all things makes DJZ give up.
Rating: D+. Jesse is trying and playing a decent heel, but at the end of the day he’s a pretty boy bodybuilder using a Boston crab as his big finisher. That’s not going to get him very far, but this is better than anything else he’s ever done as a singles guy. Robbie E. coming back for a big showdown could be entertaining though.
Magnus says this is about James Storm.
Video on Eric Young vs. Kurt Angle with Young being…….oh you know it by now.
Video on James Storm manipulating Mickie James for reasons that aren’t clear yet aside from he’s evil. Mickie’s fiance Magnus isn’t cool with this. He’ll be a lot less cool with it when he shoves her onto train tracks.
Magnus comes out for a match but says he has to deal with James Storm messing with his family, plus Storm’s Revolution. A few weeks back, Khoya hit him with a big piece of wood. Maybe that’s overcompensating for a smaller piece of wood?
Magnus vs. Khoya
Magnus stomps him down to start and they head outside with Khoya being sent into the barricade. A suplex gets some two counts and for no apparent reason, Magnus puts the referee on top of Khoya and counts two more. Well of course he does. We take a break and come back with Magnus throwing him outside again as we wait for the screw up so Khoya can take over and Magnus can make the comeback.
Magnus swings Khoya’s stick but hits the post and hurts his hands, allowing Khoya to take over. Ah there it is. Khoya stomps away in the corner and clotheslines Magnus down for no cover. A corner splash misses though and Magnus starts his comeback with clotheslines followed by the top rope elbow. A pair of Spine Shakers end Khoya at 9:39.
Rating: D+. Just an extended squash here which is how you should build towards a match like Storm vs. Magnus. It wasn’t anything interesting and Magnus still isn’t worth watching in the ring, but at least he got a win here to give him some momentum before the Slammiversary match.
Bram says he’s crazy and dangerous and he has no remorse. He’s violent you see and he’s coming for Bobby Roode.
Recap of the Tag Team Title best of five series.
Dollhouse video, focusing on their war with Gail Kim and Awesome Kong. The camera slowly zooming in on Taryn’s face as Kong’s music played was a great touch.
Rebel vs. Marti Belle
Before the match, Marti says it can still be playtime even though Taryn isn’t here. Rebel is offered a chance to leave but she won’t say anything. Finally she calls the Dollhouse the Skank House and slaps Jade in the face to get things going. Marti is knocked into Jade’s arms but a baseball slide puts them both down. Jade gets in some cheap shots as Marti gets a chair because the referee is dumb enough to fall for this.
They finally get inside with Marti in control and clotheslining Rebel down to break up a comeback. Rebel scores with a slam and a headscissors, but instead of turning Marti over she pulls her into the back of the trunks for a “comedy” bit. Another Jade distraction lets Marti hit a double arm neckbreaker for the pin at 3:16.
Rating: D. Nothing special here but it’s nice to see that Marti can work a match to go along with her stable mates. It’s a boring match though, partially due to Rebel being little more than a model who they trained to take some bumps. Dull stuff here as you can see the big divide between the top and bottom tiers of Knockouts.
Kenny King isn’t worried about Rockstar Spud and the X-Division Title.
X-Division Title: Mica vs. Kenny King
Oh so King is champion here. I didn’t actually know coming into this. King bails to start but Mica catches him with some right hands to knock the champ outside. Back in and an armbar slows Mica down but he comes back with a slam for two. Not exactly inspiring stuff so far. Mica’s ram into the buckle is countered with King snapping his throat across the ropes before firing some right hands into the face. A spinning kick to the face gets two on Mica but he comes back with a Samoan drop for two more. That’s it for him though as the Royal Flush retains King’s title at 6:40.
Rating: D+. I just do not care about this feud whether there’s a title involved or not. King is fine as the X-Division Champion but Mica and Drake are so dull and uninteresting that there’s almost no way to care about any of them. The fact that the match was dull made it even worse.
Bobby Roode was the World Champion at wrestling but he’s capable of fighting against someone like Bram.
Campaign ad for Ethan Carter III for World Champion. Him winning the title will bring down unemployment and help with the millennial problem. Unfortunately this is used to set up Carter vs. Anderson’s boring match.
Bobby Roode vs. Bram
Roode is the clear face here despite being half of the Dirty Heels tag team because TNA doesn’t think these things through. Bobby cranks on the arm to start but Bram keeps going to the ropes. After a breather on the floor, Bobby knocks him right back to the floor as they’re in first gear so far. Back from a break with the Blockbuster getting two on Bram but he rolls outside and posts Bobby to take over.
More brawling offense from Bram on the floor but Roode slugs away back inside. That earns him a hard whip into the buckle for two and a charge into a boot, only to have Bram charge into a spinebuster. There’s the Roode Bomb but Bram rolls to the floor instead of getting covered, landing in front of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bag. Roode posts him but has to avoid the referee back inside, earning him a low blow and a handful of trunks to give Bram the pin at 14:05.
Rating: C. Totally average main event here with Roode dominating most of the match and then losing to a fluke at the end. That being said, I like the idea of having Bram get a main event win, even if the next few weeks have shown us that this changed nothing and was really just a match.
Overall Rating: D+. Oh yeah they knew no one was going to watch this show. It was basically a few steps ahead of a One Night Only show, which means you could miss the show and not lose a bit of anything. Nothing show here with a few watchable matches sprinkled throughout. In other words: standard Impact.
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