Impact Wrestling
Date: February 20, 2014
Location: Manchester Arena, Manchester, England
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re still in Manchester and the big story is the announcement of Lethal Lockdown between Team MVP and Team Dixie for control of the company in two and a half weeks. Last week’s show saw a huge emphasis on the MVP vs. Dixie story with very little else getting extended TV time so hopefully things are given more room to breathe tonight. The main event is Gunner cashing in his Feast or Fired case on Magnus for a World Title shot. Let’s get to it.

We open with an In Memory graphic for Nelson Frazier Jr.

The opening recap shows us Gunner’s road to the world title shot tonight which has been his dream since he was a kid. All he’s wanted to be is a champion and tonight is his chance.

Dixie ensures Magnus that something is a done deal and tells him to go to the ring and break some bad news. Magnus says if Dixie goes down, he’s not going down with her. The champ also tells Ethan that they need to get along, personal feelings aside. Ethan shakes the champ’s hand and they all head to the ring.

Magnus calls MVP out to the ring to make an announcement, as long as the fans sit down and be quiet while he does it. The champ says he isn’t impressed by people who glorify criminal conduct or people like MVP who have spent nine years in jail. Magnus warns MVP to never think about getting in the ring with him, because nine years in jail will be nothing like nine minutes in the ring with the world champ. MVP goes on a rant about how Magnus is always calling himself the champion and a real champion shouldn’t have to do that.

Enough of that though as MVP cuts to the chase: is the Lethal Lockdown match on or not? Magnus accepts on Dixie’s behalf but he won’t be in the match at team captain. He has bigger fish to fry than dealing with some 50 Cena wannabe. If MVP tries to mess with Magnus, he’ll make MVP his…..MVP: “Don’t say it.” Magnus says it anyway and the fight is on. Cue Ethan for the double team and we see Spud telling security to hold the Wolves back. Gunner finally comes out for the save and the heels run, only to have the Wolves show up behind them. Magnus shoves Ethan to them and a kick to the ribs drops Carter.

We recap Bobby Roode helping Magnus over and over again for a promised title shot, only to have Dixie back out of the deal. Roode had to beat Joe last week to get the shot but lost, sending him over the edge. Bobby responds tonight.

Back from a break and Ethan shouts at Magnus that he literally just threw him to the Wolves. Magnus says that it was in the best interest of the Carters and Ethan is ticked.

Samoa Joe is in the ring and says he gets the winner of tonight’s title match at Lockdown. That leaves him without a match tonight and that’s not cool. He’s here in Manchester to get into a fight so any member of Dixieland that wants a fight, come get it. This brings out Zema and the BroMans who surround the ring. Joe asks which it’ll be before saying he’ll fight all three.

BroMans/Zema Ion vs. Samoa Joe

Joe cleans house to start and sidesteps Zema’s middle rope cross body. The tag champions break up the MuscleBuster and Jesse hits a nice dropkick. Robbie drops a middle rope elbow and Zema gets two off a middle rope moonsault. All three of them hit charges in the corner but Joe pulls the BroMans into the way of a Zema missile dropkick. A DDT/Russian legsweep combo takes the champions down to the floor and there’s the suicide elbow. Back inside and Zema charges into the corner Rock Bottom, setting up the MuscleBuster and Koquina Clutch for the win at 3:38.

Rating: C+. This was the right way to use a comedy tag team and their goofy manager. Thankfully the Bro Mans didn’t lose the fall here, even though they got beaten up pretty badly. It’s a good way to make Joe look strong heading into Lockdown and that’s the right idea given the odds he’s up against.

Christy Hemme gets a new battery pack from a production hand.  After she leaves, Samuel Shaw comes up and destroys the guy before taking Christy’s old pack.

Bobby Roode goes in to see James Storm and says James is one of the guys that he’s been able to trust in wrestling. Roode apologizes for everything he’s done to Storm over the years and calls the Beer Money times special. Storm isn’t sure what to think and asks if Roode has been in his beer. He thinks Roode is retiring and tries to talk him out of it, saying Roode needs to slap the business back in the face and move on to the next day. They hug and seem to be on good terms.

Austin Aries comes in to see MVP and is offered a spot on the team at Lockdown. MVP calls it the anchor spot but Aries says he puts things over the top instead of dragging them down. Aries asks what’s in it for him and MVP makes some vague promises. Austin says he’s heard that before and MVP just says things will be positive. That’s not enough for Aries but he says he’ll think about it.

Video on the Maximum Impact tour.

Madison Rayne and I believe Gail Kim get in a fight in the back. The camera looked to be a regular handheld one instead of a professional one.

Gail Kim vs. Madison Rayne

This is a street fight and the title is not on the line. Madison comes out first and jumps Gail with a cookie sheet. Gail comes back with some choking with a kendo stick but misses a charge into the corner. Madison kicks her to the floor but Tapa dares her to come outside. The champ is happy to oblige and catches Tapa in a guillotine choke, kicking Gail in the process.

Tapa stays on her feet and drives Madison spine first into the apron. Gail puts on the Figure Four around the post but can’t hold onto it that long. Madison comes back with a shot to the face and a clothesline to the ribs which is called a spear. Tapa comes in but takes a cookie sheet to the ribs. The distraction lets Gail hit Madison with the belt for the pin at 4:40.

Rating: C. This was a nice fight but it needed a bit more time. Tapa continues to be a waste of a spot as there’s nothing to her other than she’s big and screams a lot. It doesn’t help that Gail, while very talented, has done almost everything she can do in TNA and there’s not much interesting she can do.

Anderson shows Christy pictures of his kids and Shaw isn’t cool with it.

Another Gunner video on wanting to be a wrestler since he was a kid and becoming a Marine. We hear from his family who are so proud of him. Well done video.

Kurt Angle will be inducted into the Hall of Fame next week.

Ethan says he can’t take anything away from Angle’s career and he’ll let Kurt announce his news next week. He won’t say what that news is but retirement seemed to be implied.

James Storm tells Gunner that this is his time. Gunner says he’s wanted this his whole life and gives Storm the Tag Title Feast or Fired case.

Here’s an emotional looking Roode for his announcement. He says he’s been proud to call Impact Wrestling his home for the last eleven years. As kids, a lot of us have a dream we want to achieve and he’s gotten to do that for seventeen years. Roode isn’t proud of a lot of the things he’s done in the past but he can’t change those things. The only thing he can change is the future and that’s why he’s here tonight. Tonight is his last night as a pro wrestler but the fans say NO.

For the last several months he’s looked in the mirror and only seen hate. He’s had to put up with Dixie’s nonsense for months now and he has to walk away. He thanks the fans but here’s Dixie to stop him from leaving. Roode doesn’t get to make that call because he still has a TNA contract. Dixie brings up Jeff Hardy, AJ Styles and Sting as people that just caused her problems.

She needs him but Roode says he doesn’t want more lies. Dixie apologizes but Bobby says it’s not his problem and he doesn’t want to be here anymore. She offers him the captain’s spot on her team at Lockdown, offering him 10% of TNA if he wins. He can even have his own lawyers draw up the contract. Bobby reluctantly agrees but threatens Dixie’s future if she screws him over.

A German wrestler named Bad Bones won the international Gut Check challenge. He says something in German but we see Shaw jumping Anderson and taking Christy away.

After a break Bad Influence offers their services for Lethal Lockdown but Roode tells them to prove it tonight. Bad Influence isn’t pleased.

Wolves vs. Bad Influence

Edwards and Kaz get us going and they hit the match for a nice technical sequence into a standoff. Daniels comes in with a cheap shot to Eddie but Edwards brings in Richards for a double Japanese armdrag. Kaz gets kicked in the head but Daniels sends Richards to the floor. Kaz drives him back first into the apron and sends him back inside for a two count off a clothesline.

A spinwheel kick gets two more on Davey but he sends Bad Influence into each other and makes the tag off to Edwards. An over the shoulder Stunner gets two on Daniels before Eddie throws Daniels into the air for a kick from Davey. A pair of top rope double stomps from the Wolves is enough for the pin on Daniels at 6:10.

Rating: C+. I like the Wolves far better as a tag team instead of singles guys fighting over Dan Severn. The match was good for the amount of time it had and I’d like to see the long form version between these teams. Edwards still comes off as the better of the two and I’d see him as having a better future as a singles guy

Shaw takes Christy to a room where she wakes up. He tells her everything is ok and chases off a cameraman.

Willow is coming.

Video on Magnus wanting to be a wrestler.

Roode vs. MVP next week.

TNA World Title: Magnus vs. Gunner

This is no countout and No DQ. After the Big Match Intros, Magnus bails to the floor before any contact is made. Back in and Gunner works on a wristlock but gets reversed into a headlock. The hold stays on for about two and a half minutes before Gunner comes back with a back elbow and a clothesline. Magnus comes right back with a knee to the back to send Gunner outside. The champ calls for help from the back but gets the Wolves and Storm instead as we take a break.

Back with Magnus putting on a camel clutch as Tenay tells us this is No DQ and No countout, which I don’t remember being announced at first. Gunner fights up so Magnus changes to a sleeper, only to get caught in a belly to back suplex. It’s Magnus up first and the top rope elbow gets two. Magnus goes to the floor and gets the title belt but Gunner lifts him into a fireman’s carry. The champ escapes and both guys try cross bodies to give us another stalemate.

Ethan and the Bro Mans come in but the Wolves and Storm immediately come in to counter and they fight to the back. Gunner powerbombs Magnus down and hits a top rope headbutt to the ribs. Spud runs out and puts Magnus’ foot on the ropes and Gunner is TICKED. He goes after the Rockstar but gets blasted in the head with the title for a close two. Storm comes back out as Gunner starts Hulking Up. A Rock Bottom lays out Magnus and Gunner goes up again, only to have Storm superkick him out of the air, giving Magnus the pin at 16:38.

Rating: C+. This was a good match but the constant interference needs to calm down for a bit. I do like Storm turning as it means we don’t have to deal with him being the guy who used to be world champion a few years ago for two weeks. The match was going for an epic showdown but that doesn’t really work when we’ve been told about Gunner’s backstory over the span of two hours instead of say two months. Still though, good stuff and an actual match instead of the insanity with Sting and AJ’s shots at Magnus.

Overall Rating: B-. SO much better than last week. First and foremost, they kept Dixie to just a few segments tonight instead of about 87 last week. The Shaw vs. Anderson stuff helped as well as it sets up stuff for the future and gave us something intriguing tonight. They also started setting the stage for Lockdown which is getting closer and closer. The show wasn’t great but it was such a jump up over last week that it was far easier to sit through.

Results

Samoa Joe b. Bro Mans/Zema Ion – Koquina Clutch to Ion

Gail Kim b. Madison Rayne – Kim hit Rayne with the title belt

Wolves b. Bad Influence – Top rope double stomp to Daniels

Magnus b. Gunner – Pin after a Last Call from James Storm

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Impact Wrestling
Date: February 13, 2014
Location: Manchester Arena, Manchester, England
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay

The UK tour continues as we head into England for the first time this year. The main stories coming out of last week are Samoa Joe officially being #1 contender over Bobby Roode and an MVP vs. Dixie summit that went absolutely nowhere. Lockdown is less than a month away so odds are we’ll be hearing about Lethal Lockdown and the rest of the card soon enough. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of MVP standing up to Dixie for all of her evil deeds in the last few months and promising changes to end Dixie’s party.

No time is wasted on getting to Dixie this week as she and her cronies are in the ring to start the show. Dixie says she clearly hasn’t lost a wink of sleep over MVP’s threats and the odds of him taking over the company are about as good as her having a bad hair day. Dixie brags about Magnus but Ethan takes the mic and says he’s the one that ended the career of Kurt Angle.

Magnus takes the mic as well but has to wait for a YOU SOLD OUT chant. It’s nice to be back in Manchester because it means another year before he has to be back here again. People like Manchester make him feel ashamed to be British because he’s not from the north, nor is he a paper champion. He’s a man who recognizes opportunity and there is no opportunity in Manchester, other than a chance to be smacked in the face by the world champion.

The fans aren’t impressed so Magnus shifts his focus to MVP. He doesn’t care what jail cell MVP came from but we need to get the pecking order established. It’s Magnus on top, Dixie second, everybody else, and then MVP. Magnus isn’t for sale but here are MVP and Joe with something of their own to say. MVP sucks up to the crowd and says that Joe will be challenging Magnus at Lockdown, which seems to take the champion by surprise.

This brings out Gunner with the Feast or Fired case, which will be cashed in next week on Impact. Dixie says not so fast, because Gunner has to face Ethan Carter for the briefcase tonight. MVP one ups her by putting EC3’s Tag Team Title briefcase on the line as well, but makes it a ladder match with both briefcases on the line. MVP tells “C-3PO” that if anyone tries to cheat in this match, he’ll be out here to level the playing field.

Gunner vs. Ethan Carter III

Dang they’re not wasting time tonight. Carter heads straight to the floor to start but Gunner is waiting for him and heads back inside for a running knee and a fallaway slam. Gunner goes to get a ladder but Carter dropkicks him off the apron and sets up the ladder himself, only to have Gunner send him into the buckle.

The ladder is sat in the corner and Carter is sent flying into the steel, only to have Gunner get the same treatment. He’s still able to powerbomb Carter down for the save but Magnus comes in and shoves the ladder over, only to draw in James Storm for the save. This brings out MVP who makes it a winner take all tag team ladder match at about 4:30.

Rating: D. This is one of the things I can’t stand about modern wrestling: wasted gimmick matches. Why in the world did they need to have a ladder match, only to throw in another one a few seconds later? On top of that, a gimmick match is supposed to attract viewers, but that usually requires more than five minutes’ warning. How good of a ladder match can you have with about four minutes of action?

James Storm/Gunner vs. Ethan Carter III/Magnus

Joined in progress with Storm in trouble and Magnus driving the ladder into Gunner’s back. Gunner is laid across the ladder and splashed across the back before both heels drop him ribs first onto the ladder. Magnus rams the ladder into Gunner’s face and loads up the ladder but Ethan tries to climb. That’s not cool with the champ who wants to go instead. They get in an argument, despite it not being clear who gets the case if Magnus pulls it down.

The fight lets Storm come back in and clean house and Ethan is double hiptossed onto the ladder. Magnus saves his partner from the Gun Rack but Storm hits a Cactus Clothesline to send himself and Magnus to the outside. Gunner comes back in with a swan dive to Carter and goes up to pull down both cases for the win at 5:00.

Rating: C-. Better match here but man alive enough with the five minute gimmick matches. We just saw two ladder matches combine to last under ten minutes and it doesn’t really solve anything. In short, there was no reason for these matches to use ladders other than it sounds cool on paper. Pay no attention to the fact that if you weren’t watching in the last twenty minutes, you would have no idea they were taking place.

Anderson says he’ll win tonight because he has family and we get to see a picture of his twin daughters.

Spud has divided the office in half and makes sure that Dixie has more flowers on her side. The Bro Mans come in and want to know what Dixie is going to do about Gunner and Storm having the briefcase. Yelling ensues when MVP comes in and says Dixie’s promises mean less and less every day. MVP says people don’t want to see lawyers and want to see action in the ring. What would be fair is to strip the champions of the titles but instead he’ll give them a six man tag match against the Wolves and a mystery partner, right now.

Bro Mans/Zema Ion vs. Wolves/???

The mystery partner is Samoa Joe. Davey starts with a Tajiri handspring into a kick to Godderz’ head before a few headbutts from his parters are good for two. Off to Edwards vs. Robbie with Eddie snapping off a standing hurricanrana and a few chops. A running knee to the face gets two and it’s quickly back to Davey who gets two off a chop from Edwards. Zema adds in a knee from the apron but Davey grabs him by the head and knocks him to the apron.

The distraction lets E get in a cheap shot and the heels take over for the first time. Zema stomps away before it’s back to Robbie for an elbow to the jaw. Heel miscommunication puts the Bro Mans down and it’s hot tag to Joe who cleans house. Everything breaks down and the Wolves hit stereo suicide dives to the floor as Joe makes Zema tap with the Clutch at 5:37.

Rating: C. This was fine though I’ve never been big on the Wolves. I was hoping the Bro Mans would be allowed to be a bit more serious, but at the end of the day they’re a comedy team so this is what you had to expect. I’d be fine with the Wolves becoming Tag Team Champions but it was nice to have a non-champion take the fall here.

Velvet Sky begs Dixie to avoid a match with Chris Sabin but gets turned down. MVP isn’t cool with that but Dixie reminds him that he’s not a wrestler. Spud laughs at him, but MVP says he’s got his gear and faces Spud next.

We recap Eric Young vs. Joseph Park/Abyss. This would be the first non-Dixie related segment of the entire show and we’re halfway done.

Here’s Abyss without the mask to call out Eric Young to see what he’s done. Abyss is under a hood like Kane was after he lost his mask back in 2003. Eric stops at ringside but Abyss asks him to come closer unless he’s afraid. Young gets in the ring and says last week he proved all he needed to prove. Park asked him to find Abyss and that’s what he did. Abyss holds up the mask and says it’s the reality of what he did last week. The hood comes back and Park says he is Abyss but Young cuts him off and says he showed Park who he is.

Park shouts at Eric and asks who either of them are because Young doesn’t know. Abyss has destroyed his body and the lives and careers of others. The scars and blood tell his story but he can’t be that man anymore. The violence and destruction have to stop but Young says he can help him. Abyss screams that he doesn’t want Eric’s help and that he needs to find someone who understands him. He drops the mask and walks away.

Earlier today Samuel Shaw tried to help Christy with her luggage but she’s nervous. He agrees to keep it professional and takes off his glove to shake her hand. Shaw looks at his hand and slowly gets on the bus.

MVP vs. Spud

That was a nice fifteen minute break but now it’s back to Dixieland. Spud stalls on the floor before the bell while MVP lounges on the top rope. MVP goes after him but Spud gets in a cheap shot on the way back in to get things going. He pounds away but makes the mistake of slapping the boss in the face. A facebuster sets up the Ballin Elbow and the Drive By kick to the head for the pin at :59. That’s exactly what it should have been.

Bobby Roode is furiously looking for Dixie.

We get a creepy promo of a guy in the woods holding a black and white umbrella, wearing a black and white mask and dressed all in black. He recites poetry and is apparently named Willow. Apparently this was Jeff Hardy in a new gimmick.

Dixie is on the phone when Roode comes in, demanding a title shot. He doesn’t like being called a sore loser and says she doesn’t want him against her.

Chris Sabin vs. Velvet Sky

Sabin offers her a free shot because this is what Velvet has always wanted. Velvet kicks him in the knee and goes for the groin but Sabin is wearing a cup. Like an idiot though he takes it out to show off and gets hit low again, allowing Velvet to pound away. Cue a big woman with a bleach blonde mohawk over dark hair to destroy Velvet with a full nelson. Sabin is very pleased. No match obviously.

Ray goes into Anderson’s dressing room and looks through his stuff, including the pictures on his phone. He calls Anderson’s wife and says this is the phone call she’s been dreading her entire life. Ray says “no, not yet, but he’s coming home in a coffin. Tell the twins daddy says goodbye.”

Roode is in the back and says he lost it and that this has to come to an end. It’s over and he can’t take this anymore. He has his jacket and bag with him, saying he might have something for next week. Security comes in and says he has to leave which Roode does without incident.

We recap Ray vs. Anderson in the casket match. Ray is angry at Anderson for ending Aces and 8’s and has gotten far more serious as a result, even threatening Anderson’s children.

Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson

Casket match. Anderson has some of the ugliest green tights I’ve ever seen. Ray takes off his shirt and reveals what I believe is a Liverpool jersey to anger the fans. Anderson takes him down and sends him into the corner before dropping him with a neckbreaker. The jersey is ripped off and stomped on by Anderson before they head outside. Mr. spends too much time deciding where to throw his shirt and Ray gets in a cheap shot as we take a break.

Back with Anderson using a chair to knock a chair into Ray’s face and sliding in a table. Anderson is bleeding from the mouth and Ray kicks him in the face to take over. Ray rubs the blood on his own face and pounds at the cut before throwing the casket into the ring. Anderson gets crotched on top and superplexed back down but Ray can’t get the lid on the casket.

Ray raises up a chair to crush Anderson but a low blow stops him cold. Instead he powerbombs Anderson through the table and earns a THIS IS AWESOME chant. Ray loads up a piledriver in the casket but Anderson counters into a Mic Check and puts on the lid for the win at 12:50. The lid didn’t actually close but it was close enough.

Rating: B-. That’s probably high but after all the garbage we’ve had to sit through tonight I’ll take anything. Ray has been an awesome heel throughout this story and I would have liked it more if he had won, but the company is dying for top faces at this point and Anderson is as good as anyone else they could use.

In the back we get even more Dixie vs. MVP with Carter offering him a buyout. She offers him a contract and MVP is impressed but says no. Dixie calls him crazy and MVP says he’s a wrestler so there might be somet truth to that. A proposal is made for Lockdown: Lethal Lockdown with Team MVP vs. Team Dixie for total control of the company. Dixie keeps up her Stephanie McMahon style acting and finally agrees.

Overall Rating: D. Impact wrestling is a two hour show. Tonight, approximately an hour and a half were spent on Dixie Carter vs. MVP or something directly related to that story. Here’s what wasn’t related to it: Eric Young/Abyss segment (8 minutes), Christy Hemme/Shaw segment (2 minutes), Ray vs. Anderson (13 minutes), Sabin vs. Sky (5 minutes) and the Willow promo (1 minute). That’s it. That’s everything on the show that wasn’t related to a single storyline.

Even Immortal didn’t make Impact that much about themselves and I didn’t think things could get worse than that. Dixie vs. MVP is fine for a story, but you need SOMETHING that isn’t related to or a result of that story. There’s some interesting stuff in TNA, but the same story being pounded into our heads like this make it a lot less interesting to sit through.

Results

Ethan Carter III vs. Gunner went to a no contest

James Storm/Gunner b. Ethan Carter III/Magnus – Gunner pulled down the briefcases

Wolves/Samoa Joe b. Zema Ion/Bro Mans – Koquina Clutch to Ion

MVP b. Spud – Drive By

Mr. Anderson b. Bully Ray – Mic Check into a casket

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Old School
Date: February 7, 2014
Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Attendance: 1,500
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

At least they advertised this one. This is the newest One Night Only show with a slightly more obvious theme. Looking at the card though, there isn’t much to see here that’s old school. Speaking of old school, as in something we’ve seen before, this show contains the fifth time that James Storm and Bobby Roode have been in direct competition against each other and their third singles match in just ten shows in this series. Come up with something new already. Let’s get to it.

By the way, I’m aware that this show if officially titled #oldschool. I’m going to assume you know why that’s stupid and why I’m calling it a name normal humans might use.

The opening video discusses the theme of reigniting old feuds. That’s better than the usual tournament, but I’m not sure Old School is the best name for that idea. It’s kind of misleading.

We’re already proving my point about the name: they’re using the word hashtag every time they say the name. It sounds so stupid and I can’t emphasize it enough.

The set is different again, but this time there’s a small lighted entrance for the guys to come to. It looks like the WWF set from the early 90s which isn’t a bad thing.

Austin Aries vs. Chris Sabin vs. Sonjay Dutt

These guys have actually feuded for years, dating back to the Austin Starr days, so they’re keeping up the gimmick through the first match. Tenay and Tazz get on my nerves about four minutes into the show, talking about what it means to be the best man that ever lived and implying three way escapades of a different sort. Sabin chills on the floor while Aries and Dutt run the ropes without much contact being made.

Sabin tells Sonjay he sucks and gets inside, only to walk into a Japanese armdrag from Aries who rides him on the mat for some humiliation. Austin lays on the top rope because that’s the kind of guy he is and all three guys are finally in the ring together. Dutt and Sabin double team Aries in the corner and take their turns charging at him, only to have Chris try a quick rollup to tick Sonjay off. Dutt does the same and there’s another argument to make sure we have every three way trope checked off the list.

Sonjay snaps off a hurricanrana on Aries as Tazz name drops Mike Adamle because commentary in TNA is a joke. Now it’s a Michael Cole reference as Tazz makes the only insightful comment he’ll give all night: he’s always paired with guys named Mike. Aries is placed on the top rope but Dutt and Sabin get in an argument over who gets to do the superplex. Austin fights them both off and we go WAY old school with a double noggin knocker. Both other guys are sent to the floor for a double double ax handle from A Double.

Back in and Aries hits a missile dropkick on Dutt but misses the running version in the corner as Sabin steps aside. Sonjay and Sabin get in another argument with Chris hitting a quick enziguri for two before Dutt sends him to the apron and kicks Aries in the face. Sabin is knocked to the floor and Aries hits a quick brainbuster for the pin on Sonjay.

Rating: C-. Pick a three way match that you’ve seen before, give it about eight minutes and you’ll have this match. It wasn’t anything special but that’s the kind of show you should expect with this series: something you’ve seen done better before but it’s what you’re in for with the reduced price.

Tommy Dreamer gives a serious promo on Bully Ray, talking about their history together and mentioning Ray invading Dreamer’s House of Hardcore show. He holds up a kendo stick and says he may not be Luke Skywalker and this may not be a lightsaber, but he’s cutting the evil fat out of Ray tonight. That may take a lot of carving.

Video on Ethan Carter III as the gimmick takes a nosedive.

Ethan comes out to call out an opponent as even the announcers realize that calling Ethan old school is absurd. The fans tell Ethan that he can’t wrestle and he chants back by alternating with “Yes I can” and “I’m very good.” He gets some cheap heat by making fun of the Yankees and says Dixie has allowed him to pick his opponent tonight.

Ethan Carter III vs. Dewey Barnes

So to clarify, we’re getting storyline development for a storyline that isn’t going on anymore on a theme show that almost no one is going to buy because TNA can’t put together a full card without this filler. Dewey comes from his other job at the merchandise table (he really does that at live events) but doesn’t want to fight. Carter pokes him in the chest and insults Dewey’s social status, which if finally enough for the redneck to fight. Barnes takes Ethan down by the legs but Carter rams him into the buckle and talks trash. The bulldog driver ends Barnes in just over a minute. I’m so glad this got PPV time.

With his back to the camera, Ray talks about meeting Tommy Dreamer back in 1992 and becoming close with him over the years. The word friend is unique in wrestling because Ray doesn’t have that many of them. Twenty five years later, Dreamer started his House of Hardcore promotion and invites Terry Funk instead of him and that’s just not how you treat a friend. We even get clips from House of Hardcore 2 with Ray invading and lighting a table on fire. Tonight Ray is going to beat Dreamer like you beat a friend of 25 years.

Bully Ray vs. Tommy Dreamer

This is falls count anywhere. Ray talks about ending Terry Funk’s career in this building and how he’ll do the same to Dreamer tonight. They stare at each other to start until Ray yells about Funk even more, earning him right hands to the face. Dreamer clotheslines him down but Ray takes him into the corner for some right hands. We get the Flip Flop and Fly from Tommy to send Ray outside as the fans are into this so far.

Tommy is sent ribs first into the barricade but Ray stops to yell at Hebner, allowing Dreamer to suplex Bully down on the floor for two. Back in and Ray counters a bulldog with a belly to back suplex before heading outside to get a table. Dreamer baseball slides it back into Ray’s face but Bully easily blocks a DDT attempt. A splash onto Dreamer on the table is good for two and it’s time for the chain.

Ray gets in another argument with Hebner, allowing Dreamer to get in some kendo stick shots for two. Tommy whips at the knee with the chain but Ray pokes him in the eye to get a break. Another table is sent inside but Ray finds a much more entertaining toy: a cheese grater. Ray tries his own Flip Flop and Fly but Dreamer takes away the grater and attack’s Ray’s crotch to be extra evil.

Tommy pulls out a piece of the barricade but Ray kicks it into his face to prevent further damage. Ray takes too much time going up top for some reason and gets caught in a Death Valley Driver off the ropes through the table for a close two. Dreamer goes up but gets hit in the ribs with a piece of barricade before being superplexed down onto the steel With nothing else to do, Ray pulls out another table and lighter fluid. Again it takes too long and Dreamer blasts him with a kendo stick before spraying the lighter fluid on the table. The distraction lets Ray hit him low and the Bully Cutter is good for the pin.

Rating: C+. This was the kind of match that they needed to have with a lot of time letting Dreamer seem like he had a chance. I’m still not wild on them using freaking House of Hardcore to set up a match at a TNA PPV but it’s not like TNA has anywhere else to build a story from.

Joe talks about his history in TNA and how he’s always answered the call when he had to. Tonight he gets a world title shot at Magnus, who he at least has a history with.

Here’s Eric Young with something to say. He says he’s very old school, which is actually true in his case. Young declares himself the president and gives us a gift of Velvet Sky. Eric calls her his favorite Knockout ever but begs us not to tweet it to ODB. Eric has a toast for the fans but Bad Influence interrupts. Mike: “You can’t interrupt the president!” Taz: “This is wrestling. Everyone interrupts everyone.”

Kaz says no one is more old school than they are and no one is hotter than Velvet Sky. They’re the best tag team in the Biz-A-Ness so you have permission to worship them. This brings out the Bro Mans to say that they’re new school and school is in session right now. Velvet isn’t a real woman, but the Bro Mans know what one is, so here’s Lei’D Tapa. Eric makes a six person tag and appoints himself referee.

Velvet Sky/Bad Influence vs. Lei’D Tapa/Bro Mans

Jesse and Daniels get us going with Christopher grabbing a quick headscissors. Daniels cartwheels over Godderz and pops him with a right hand before it’s off to Robbie who charges into an armbar. Kaz comes in with a kick to the back and an elbow drop for two before slamming Robbie face first into the mat for another near fall. Kaz misses a charge and falls out to the floor, only to have Robbie miss the same move and crash even harder.

Back in and Tapa wants Kaz but it’s off to Velvet to fire up the crowd a bit. Sky kicks away at the large leg but Tapa just shoves her away. Velvet blocks a charge coming into the corner but walks into a spinebuster to change control on a dime. The female looking one is sent across the ring for a tag off to Daniels who armdrags Robbie down with ease. Everything breaks down with Bad Influence cleaning house and sending the Bros out to the floor.

Things settle down again with the Bro Mans double teaming Daniels down and stomping away until Robbie drops a middle rope elbow for no cover. Tapa comes in and drops a leg on Daniels before dragging him over to the corner for a tag to Robbie. We hit the chinlock until Daniels fights up and scores with an STO, allowing for the hot tag to Kaz.

Kazarian speeds things up and cradles Jesse but adds a northern lights suplex on Robbie at the same time for a double near fall. Tapa runs over Bad Influence but Velvet takes her down with a cross body. Velvet is thrown over the top to crush Tapa again but Daniels has to escape a Bro Down. The High/Low out of nowhere is enough to get the pin on Jesse.

Rating: D+. Not bad, even though Eric meant nothing at all. Velvet did her thing here by looking hot on the apron and doing a few moves at the end to make sure people knew she was more than just eye candy. Bad Influence worked perfectly well as faces which says a lot about them given how awesome they are as heels.

Video on Monster’s Ball and how insane it can get.

Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy

Obviously Monster’s Ball, basically meaning hardcore. They actually shake hands to start before Abyss shoves Hardy down. Abyss runs him over again and stops a comeback attempt with a running clothesline. The first weapon brought in is a chair but Hardy knocks it out of Abyss’ hands and hits a quick mule kick. Poetry in Motion sends Abyss outside and a running clothesline off the apron drops both guys. Abyss is up first and bridges a table between the ring and the barricade as he’s done before.

Hardy fights out of the chokeslam attempt but is sent HARD into the post to put him down again. Back in and Abyss wedges a chair into the corner but Jeff blasts him with another chair to get a breather. That’s fine with Abyss who sends him face first into the wedged chair for two. Jeff’s forehead is cut open.

It’s thumbtacks time but Hardy fights out of another chokeslam attempt and snaps off some forearms. The legdrop between the legs has Abyss in some trouble and the Twisting Stunner puts him down again. Jeff goes up but Abyss pelts the chair at his head, knocking Hardy through the bridges table in a nice looking bump. It’s only good for two and the kickout doesn’t get the reaction they were hoping for.

Abyss heads outside again and brings in the spiked 2×4 called Janice. Hardy moves to avoid a bad case of death and Janice is stuck in the turnbuckle. The Whisper in the Wind COMPLETELY misses Abyss and the replay makes it look even worse. Jeff picks up Janice but walks into the chokeslam onto the tacks which is always a good looking spot. Jeff’s head landed in the tacks and he has to pull the tacks out. Awesome visual.

That’s only good for two as well though so it’s barbed wire board time. Hardy counters another chokeslam and dropkicks Abyss into the barbed wire. Jeff finds another barbed wire board and sandwiches Abyss between the two of them, setting up the Swanton for the pin despite the tacks still being in his back.

Rating: B-. This took time to get going but the ending was far better than I was expecting. The problem here was the lack of a reason for the violence. The guys didn’t really hate each other (they shook hands remember) so it was just violence for the sake of violence. Still though, good match and a nice surprise given what I was expecting. The tacks in the head was a sick thing to see too.

Kurt Angle talks about going old school (minus the hashtag because Angle doesn’t like sounding like a dolt) with Mr. Anderson tonight.

Video on Angle vs. Anderson which actually was one heck of a feud back in the day.

Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle

Anderson does a nice heel move by teasing throwing his shirt to the crowd but dropping it on the apron instead. Technical stuff to start with Angle taking it to the mat but getting kicked away into a standoff. Angle knocks Anderson into the corner and pops him with an uppercut, only to be send shoulder first into the post. Anderson goes after the shoulder with an armbar but has to escape an Angle Slam attempt and chop block Kurt down to the mat.

Mr. starts going after the knee now by cannonballing down off the ropes before wrapping it up in the corner. Off to a leg bar but Kurt punches him in the side of the head to escape. Anderson goes up but dives into a boot to the jaw to put both guys down. Some clotheslines by Kurt set up a German suplex but the Angle Slam is countered into the rolling fireman’s carry for two.

The Mic Check is countered into the ankle lock but Anderson rolls Angle out to the floor. Back in and Angle runs the corner for the belly to belly superplex and it’s back to the ankle lock. The same counter saves Anderson again and the Mic Check gets two. The Angle Slam connects a few seconds later for the abrupt pin.

Rating: C-. This was the abbreivated version of their match and the lack of time took away a lot of what makes these matches good. It also doesn’t help that there’s no personal reason for these two to fight other than they used to fight in the past, which is the general problem of this entire show.

Bobby Roode talks about his history with James Storm and how they were good friends but make better enemies.

Video on Roode vs. Storm. You all must know this story by now.

James Storm vs. Bobby Roode

Last man standing. A quick shoulder block gets three for Roode and it’s time for a slugout. Storm takes over with an atomic drop and a clothesline but Roode avoids two Last Call attempts. Bobby heads outside but gets suplexed in the aisle for a seven count. Storm sends him into the steps but and barricade before taking him back inside for an enziguri off the apron. Roode counters a suplex to the floor and dropkicks James into the barricade.

Storm is up at about seven and heads back inside, only to get caught in a Blockbuster for another close count. James fights up with kicks and punches followed by a Russian legsweep to put both guys down. Roode comes right back with a spinebuster but Storm is up at six. The Roode Bomb is countered into a Backstabber from Storm followed by the Eye of the Storm for about five. They head outside again for another kick from Storm but Roode gets up in time again.

The weapons are brought in with Storm putting a trashcan between Roode’s legs and blasting it with a crutch. Roode comes back with a hard clothesline but takes too long getting a trashcan ready and walks into the Last Call. Bobby makes it up at about 9.75 but the fans weren’t buying it because that was just one finisher. James sets up two chairs next to each other but Roode escapes the Eye of the Storm and Roode Bombs James onto the chairs for an eight count. With nothing else to do, Roode handcuffs Storm behind his back and cookie sheets/trashcans/beer bottles him down for the ten count.

Rating: C+. It’s a good match but much like Orton vs. Cena, the match has been done so many times that it’s almost impossible to care. This feud has used the same tropes over and over again and the interest just isn’t there for me anymore. It also doesn’t help that Storm almost never wins any of these matches, making him look even more like a choker and/or a loser.

Magnus says there’s an irony in the name of this show because he’s not old school at all. What is old school though is what it says on his title: wrestling. He’s a wrestler, meaning that he’ll beat Samoa Joe in a wrestling match where all of the rules are followed to the letter.

Video on the history of Magnus and Joe from being Tag Team Champions to the Mafia to Magnus’ heel turn.

TNA World Title: Magnus vs. Samoa Joe

Big Match Intros kill even more time before we get going. Joe takes him into the corner to start but the champion slaps him in the face like the evildoer he is. A right hand sends Magnus to the floor and he grabs the mic, saying that under British wrestling rules, closed fists are illegal. Magnus demands that Joe receive his first warning and apparently it’s two warnings for a DQ.

Back in and they fight over the arms as the announcers talk about ESPN reporters. Joe no sells an elbow to the jaw and runs Magnus over with one of his own before ripping his skin off with chops in the corner. A knee to the chest gets two for the Samoan and there’s the corner enziguri to set up the Face Wash. Magnus comes back with a running clothesline and throws punches in the corner for no warning. Outside now with the champion dropping an ax handle off the apron for two as the frustration is starting early tonight.

We hit the chinlock on Joe followed by another back elbow to the jaw and the second chinlock in a short span. Not exactly the most thrilling match in the world here. A HHH knee to the face drops Joe again but Magnus takes his time covering. Joe catches Magnus coming off the middle rope in an atomic drop followed by the snap powerslam for two. Magnus’ leapfrog is countered into a powerbomb into the Boston crab into the STF in the middle of the ring. Joe turns that into the Rings of Saturn but Magnus gets his foot on the rope.

Magnus comes back with a Michinoku Driver for two and the top rope elbow gets the same. With nothing else to do he goes and gets the title belt but Joe easily takes it away. That goes nowhere but Joe ducks a right hand a German suplexes the champion down. Magnus fights out of the MuscleBuster and counters the Clutch with a jawbreaker, bumping the referee in the process. Now the MuscleBuster connects and another Hebner slides in for two. Ethan Carter tries to interfere but gets rammed into the barricade, allowing Magnus to hit Joe with the belt to retain.

Rating: C. Not a bad match but the British rules thing went nowhere. It was fine for what it was and at least it gives a reason for the Ethan match earlier (he had a reason to be in the building for the main event). It’s nice that they actually gave the main event some importance but there’s still not enough here to hold much interest.

The traditional highlight package takes us out.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s not as good as Hardcore Justice 3 but this was fine for a One Night Only show. I can’t emphasize enough how much easier this company is to get through when Dixie Carter and the stupid power struggle isn’t taking up time. It’s still not great, but it goes from horrible to ok just like that, which is as good as you can get from TNA at the moment. The gimmick wasn’t terrible and thankfully they got it back on track after the second match. Nice show tonight but nothing worth going out of your way to see.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: February 6, 2014
Location: Hydro Arena, Glasgow, Scotland
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re still in Scotland as we’re setting the stage for Lockdown. The big story of course is the reveal of MVP as the new investor, starting the big feud for the year. MVP is a decent enough choice but they just need to do something else around here. The power struggle stuff is so played out in TNA but at least there’s a new face involved in things. Let’s get to it.

We open with a fight in progress.

Eric Young vs. Abyss

This is Monster’s Ball, meaning anything goes. They’re fighting in the back with Young actually in control and bringing Abyss through the entrance. Abyss comes back with a big right hand and some forearms to the back and the opening bell rings. Young crawls over to a trashcan full of weapons and blasts Abyss in the back with a pipe to get the advantage, only to have Abyss backdrop him on the floor. It’s table time but Young hits a quick dropkick to get a breather.

Young goes for the mast but Abyss slams him into the apron to get a breather. They head inside for the first time with Eric coming off the top, only to jump right into Abyss’ hands. A hard clothesline drops Young again and Abyss goes outside to get a chair. The chair is placed on Eric’s ribs but he manages to turn it on its side to crotch a charging Abyss. Eric is sent into the corner and out to the apron where he comes back with a missile dropkick for two.

Just as Eric gets some momentum he gets sent face first into the chair in the corner and a chokeslam gets two. Abyss goes outside and gets his bag of tacks before loading up a superplex, only to have Young counter with a sunset powerbomb into the tacks for two. Eric goes up top but Abyss punches him off the top rope and out through the table in a huge crash. Back in and Young somehow gets his foot on the ropes to break the pin so Abyss pulls out the big weapon: Janice, the baseball bat full of nails. Young rips the mask off to save himself and reveal Joseph Park, earning himself the Black Hole Slam for the pin at 9:41.

Rating: B-. That might be a bit high but I was digging this match. It wasn’t the best hardcore match I’ve ever seen or anywhere close to it but Young was working well out there. I can tolerate him much more easily when he’s not being over the top and stupid which is what we got here. Abyss is a fun character too as there’s something awesome about a guy who just breaks stuff.

Park picks up a broken piece of a mirror and sees himself, turning him back into Joseph.

Roode brings Dixie a contract for a title match against Magnus at Lockdown but Dixie is disgusted. She says things have changed around here and she can’t just give out title shots. Roode says this isn’t his problem so Dixie makes him face Joe tonight for the title shot at Lockdown. Bobby is still annoyed but Dixie implies a lot of help.

Here’s MVP for his first speech as the new investor. He’s been around the world for the last few years just living life. In his younger days he got in trouble for not realizing the consequences of his actions. It’s become clear to him that there are people here in TNA making the same mistakes and he’s tired of seeing that every week. Over his career he’s made a nice income and then used that money to make more money.

He’s found some people that think like he does and it’s time for a change. TNA has so much potential but the bad leadership is killing it. That will not happen under his watch but here’s Spud for an interruption. Spud thinks MVP should come meet Dixie in person because Dixie loves making new stars. MVP: “Yeah, herself.” Spud says that if MVP were to come to Dixie, he would be greeted with open arms. MVP threatens Spud with violence and then announces Magnus vs. Kurt Angle in a non-title match.

Bully Ray says he’ll bury Anderson next week but he’ll put the next person he sees in a coffin as a preview.

Chris Sabin is in a purple room and says he doesn’t accept that Velvet Sky has broken his heart. She’s a woman worth fighting for and he’s invited her here to this special room for later tonight.

Curry Man vs. Bully Ray

Ray comes out with the coffin and says that Curry Man is in the wrong place at the wrong time. He kicks Curry Man’s head off and slowly takes off the jacket. This isn’t even a match with no bell or referee. Curry Man is laid out with a piledriver and a shout of ANDERSON before Ray throws him in the coffin.

Magnus complains to Dixie but she reminds him that it’s a non-title match before checking her makeup. Spud insists she looks beautiful as Ethan comes in. Dixie cuts him off before Ethan can say anything and Ethan isn’t pleased, saying Dixie doesn’t have time for her own blood. She’ll talk to him in a week.

Here’s Austin Aries with something to say. As X-Division Champion, he reminds us that it’s not the title that makes the man but the man that makes the title. He’s held every title in this company and is the man who invented Option C. His intention is to hold the X Title until he can cash it in again but here are the Bro Mans for an interruption. They’re just a distraction for Zema Ion to blast Aries in the back with his Feast or Fired briefcase. Zema wants a referee out here right now and the match is on.

X-Division Title: Austin Aries vs. Zema Ion

Ion gets two early near falls before a baseball slide to the back puts Aries down again. Austin comes back with a chop but is sent into the barricade to put him down again. A slingshot DDT gets two on Aries but Ion misses a corkscrew moonsault, allowing Aries to hit a discus forearm and a release belly to back suplex. There’s the running corner dropkick and a brainbuster retains Aries’ title at 2:11.

Dixie gets Spud ready to meet MVP.

We recap Samuel Shaw revealing his shrine to Christy Hemme last week. This week, Christy asks him what’s going on before cutting off their personal relationship.

Roode is tired of appeasing Dixie Carter. Magnus comes up and says Dixie’s orders are Roode’s job, not favors. Roode needs to stop worrying about favors and start worrying about Joe. The loss last week is brought up and Magnus says he’ll tap out anytime in a non-title match. Roode is annoyed and wishes Magnus luck against Angle.

MVP comes in to see Dixie (in her fourth appearance in an hour), who brags about building this company from the ground up. She talks down to him a bit and tries to speak the wrestling language to him, dropping terms like giving a rub and curtain jerking. MVP thinks we should start in the ring in front of the fans and they bicker a bit before MVP leaves. Spud thinks he’s a bloody nice bloke.

Kurt Angle vs. Magnus

Non-title. Magnus tries to wrestle with Angle to start and it goes as well as you would expect it to. Kurt throws him down before hitting some Rolling Germans and posing a bit. The Angle Slam is blocked with a thumb to the eye but he takes Magnus down again for the ankle lock, drawing in EC3 for the DQ at 2:30.

Ethan goes after Angle’s bad knee and blasts it with a chair. He puts Kurt in a leg lock, likely writing off Kurt for knee surgery.

Joe tells Dixie that she started a war with the wrong man. He’ll fight a war of attrition or a blitzkrieg and win every time.

Eric Young had to expose Joseph Park for who he was because you have to treat crazy with crazy. He doesn’t know what’s coming next.

We recap Velvet Sky breaking up with Chris Sabin over the last few weeks.

We’re in that purple room whith Chris Sabin. This is where he and Velvet had their first kiss and tonight it’s going to be special again. Marriage is implied before a confused Velvet comes in. Back from a break and Sabin apologizes to Velvet, calling this a big mistake. He pulls out the ring box and Velvet is very nervous. There’s nothing in the box though because Sabin is asking her to get out of his life. He’s tired of hearing about Velvet all the time, even when he was World Heavyweight Champion. Therefore next week, it’s Sabin vs. Velvet in a match.

We recap the MVP vs. Dixie stuff tonight.

Clip of Joe making Magnus tap last week to become #1 contender.

Samoa Joe vs. Bobby Roode

Physical start with Joe running over Roode and dropping a knee, only to have Bobby dropkick him off the apron. Back in and a neckbreaker gets two on Joe and we hit the chinlock as the match slows down. Joe fights up but misses his backsplash, only to catch Roode in a powerslam to get a breather. There’s a HUGE handprint on Joe’s chest from a chop. Roode fights off the MuscleBuster and blocks the Koquina Clutch before getting caught by both moves for the pin by Joe at 6:54.

Rating: C. This was fine and did its job of making Joe look even more like a killer. Clean falls over former world champions are never going to make someone look bad and Joe is on a roll heading into Lockdown. Also, how nice was it to have a match end without any interference? Such a concept.

Here are Spud and Dixie to introduce MVP for the summit. Dixie brings up Magnus to start and talks about how far he’s gone in such a short time. Carter complains about the fans not shutting up and tells them to give her the support she needs. This brings MVP to talking about changes that he wants to make. He’s tired of Dixie making TNA a place for all her friends to run roughshod over and refuses to be “a butler at a Paula Dean party.” Dixie’s party is over and MVP smiles at her to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show brings up TNA’s long running problem of putting so much emphasis on one idea: if you don’t like that story, you might as well not watch the show. It’s not as bad as it was in the Aces and 8’s days, but this show had five Dixie appearances and several other segments that were about her story. Yeah she’s getting better in the role, but that’s what people said about Aces and 8’s and look where that went. There’s other good stuff on the show now, but it’s still dominated by a power struggle story which isn’t what people want to see right now.

Results

Abyss b. Eric Young – Black Hole Slam

Austin Aries b. Zema Ion – Brainbuster

Kurt Angle b. Magnus via DQ when Ethan Carter III interfered

Samoa Joe b. Bobby Roode – Koquina Clutch

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Hardcore Justice 3
Date: January 16, 2014
Location: Lowell Auditorium, Lowell, Massachusetts
Attendance: 1,000
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Mike Tenay

So apparently this show aired over two weeks ago. This comes as a surprise as I watch every episode of Impact and I NEVER heard about this airing. They usually talk about this for at least two weeks but I didn’t hear about it at all. The title of the show should tell you everything that you need to know about TNA: they can’t count because this is at least the sixth PPV called Hardcore Justice.  Let’s get to it.

We open with the traditional One Night Only highlight package of the show we haven’t seen yet. We’re getting Lethal Lockdown tonight which should be pretty cool.

This show was taped a few weeks ago so it’s at least up to date.

To say this show looks low rent is an understatement. No video screen, no set, nothing. It’s literally just a curtain and an aisle leading to the ring, making it look like a house show. I kind of like that.

JB is in the ring and tells us what we’re going to see but not the participants in the matches. The card is actually stacked. Borash is cut off by Ethan Carter III who isn’t all that familiar to TNA fans yet but he’s getting there. The fans know the advertised cards though and chant WE WANT DREAMER. Carter says keep chanting, because the more the fans want to see him means the more money is in his trust fund. After all, he’s a Carter and the world needs him.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Ethan Carter III

This is a tables match and as expected, the fans are entirely behind Tommy. Carter works on a wristlock to start but Dreamer comes back with right hands and a running clothesline to send Ethan outside. Tommy takes a beer from a fan and spits it in Carter’s face, messing up the camera lens. They head into the aisle where Dreamer gets crotched on the barricade. Tommy comes back with chops out of the corner but gets sent shoulder first into the post.

A belly to back suplex puts Dreamer back down again but Carter covers like someone always does in TNA tables match. Carter misses a middle rope elbow and gets punched in the corner as we’re waiting on the first table. Dreamer hits something like a downward spiral to send Carter into the middle buckle before going outside to look for some plunder as Dusty Rhodes would say.

The first table is set up on the floor but Carter stops Dreamer from coming in with a dropkick. Dreamer comes right back with a swinging neckbreaker before pulling out his second table. They head back inside with a table down on the mat which Dreamer lands on back first. Carter goes up top but gets pulled down into the Tree of Woe. Dreamer puts the table in front of his face for the baseball slide and the fans are into this. The table is set up in the corner but Carter comes back with a quick bulldog driver. Tommy’s Death Valley Driver is easily escaped and a spinebuster through the table gives Ethan the win.

Rating: D+. This was there so they could say they had a tables match on the show and nothing more. Dreamer losing was obvious the entire way as he’s one of the biggest jobbers in the history of wrestling. Carter is a guy that I like more and more every time I see him and having him get a win over a fan favorite is only going to help him.

Austin Aries is ready for Chris Sabin later tonight. See what I mean about how much better these are when they’re tied to current storylines?

Austin Aries vs. Chris Sabin

This is an Xscape match meaning it’s in a cage and the first person to climb out wins. Christy isn’t doing the commentary tonight but the guy they have (never shown or named) has a good deep voice. Aries sends Chris into the corner to start and quickly pulls Sabin down on an escape attempt. Back down and Aries scores with some armdrags and goes up for a top rope ax handle. A big running elbow drop sets up the pendulum elbow and Sabin is in trouble.

Luckily it’s not deep enough trouble for Aries to get out as Chris pulls him back down, sending Austin’s head into the mat. He goes for a cover to make sure the fans get the idea because wrestling fans aren’t that bright. The cage is used for the first time with Aries being slammed back first into the steel as Sabin extends his advantage. Chris hits his own brainbuster followed by a swinging facebuster (think a spinning backbreaker but with the recipient’s face down) but Aries makes another save.

They fight on the top rope with Aries climbing onto Sabin’s shoulders and taking him down with a nice hurricanrana. A running clothesline in the corner and a bulldog set up the Last Chancery. Sabin knees his way out of a brainbuster but takes the running dropkick in the corner. Another running dropkick against the cage looks to allow Aries to escape but Sabin crotches him down on the ropes.

Sabin gets all heelish and takes the belt out of his shorts and ties Aries’ feet to the ropes but apparently he wasn’t a good Boy Scout because Aries easily unties it and stops the escape. They slug it out on the top rope again with Sabin getting crotched and knocked down to the middle of the ring. Austin goes up, headbutts Sabin down through the cage, and drops to the floor for the win.

Rating: B-. That might be a bit high but I liked this a lot more than I was expecting to. There’s a story here (not much of one but it’s a story) so it’s automatically easier to care about these two fighting. It’s no masterpiece or anything but it was entertaining enough to fill in fifteen minutes and that’s all it needed to be.

James Storm, a member of Team Angle in Lethal Lockdown, won’t reveal the fourth member of the team along with himself, Kurt and Samoa Joe. They’re facing Team Roode tonight.

Here are the Bro Mans to add some comedy. Robbie asks Jesse who are more hardcore than the Bro Mans before revealing that they’re in Lethal Lockdown along with Roode and Magnus. They talk about Team Angle and make sure the fans know the participants in the main event. None of their opponents are hardcore though and there’s no fourth man because everyone is scared of the Bro Mans. They’ve found someone willing to try their lucky though: Dewey Barnes.

Dewey comes through the crowd and throws out t-shirts before getting in the ring and not understanding fist bumps. The Bro Mans ask him to tell the fans a bit about himself and what do you know: he used to spend his summers here. Apparently Barnes is going to run the Bro Marathon with the first step being a dance off with Robbie E. The fans give it to Barnes so he’s a step closer to being on Team Angle. Now it’s a posedown with Jesse and Barnes might be in trouble. He does the Hogan poses and you can figure out the results here I’m sure.

That brings him to the final challenge: a pushup contest. If Dewey can do ten pushups, he can be in the main event tonight. He gets to nine and the Bro Mans channel their inner DiBiases and attack. This was longer than it needed to be to get the idea but it’s better than some stupid countdown or flashback sequence like the rest of these shows use to fill in time.

Bobby Roode is going to step up for his team against Samoa Joe to earn the advantage in the main event.

Video on Lethal Lockdown and steel cages in general.

Bobby Roode vs. Samoa Joe

The winner gets the advantage in Lethal Lockdown. Joe still has his mohawk here to date the show a little bit. Feeling until Joe starts peppering him with right hands and a shin breaker. After a quick trip to the floor it’s more right hands to Roode’s face followed by a knee drop for two. Bobby heads outside again and Joe gets caught chasing him to change momentum.

Back in and an elbow to the jaw puts Joe down again for a Hennig necksnap and a two count. Joe gets caught in a front facelock but fights him off and grabs an Orton powerslam for two. He counters a PerfectPlex but walks into a spinebuster for two by Roode. The Roode Bomb is easily blocked by the powers of fat and Joe loads up the MuscleBuster but has to settle for the Clutch instead.

Roode jawbreaks his way to freedom and the referee is bumped on the landing. Bobby brings in a trashcan and pulls an Eddie Guerrero by slamming it against the mat, throwing it to Joe and falling down as the referee turns around to call the DQ. The gullibility of referees never ceases to amaze me.

Rating: C. Just a basic wrestling match here with an ending that ties into the hardcore theme at the end. Joe is starting to get back to what he used to be but he needs to actually win a few important matches first. Given the history of team cage matches, there really was no doubt on the winner here.

Velvet Sky is ready for her street fight with Tapa. She’s absolutely gorgeous here.

Velvet Sky vs. Lei’D Tapa

Street fight as mentioned. Velvet is in one of her regular tops and torn jeans which is a nice change of look for her. She charges at Tapa over and over but keeps getting shoved away with ease. A few kicks to the leg have little effect on Lei’D so Velvet tries even more. Tapa charges into two boots in the corner and gets low bridged to the floor. Velvet is pulled outside and sent into the steps for good measure.

Tapa throws her into the apron a few times as the match slows down despite not going that fast in the first place. Velvet is still down and Lei’D goes through the curtain and comes back with a chair but hits the post instead of Velvet. Some kicks slow Tapa down a bit but she rams Velvet into the apron again to take over. The chair is wedged between the top and middle ropes in the corner but gets knocked out when Velvet crashes into it. Tapa puts it back in but charges head first into it herself. Sky gets in some very weak chair shots but Lei’D knocks it out of her hands and the fireman’s carry Stunner is good for the pin.

Rating: D. This just didn’t work at all and was only good because Velvet looks good in jeans. Tapa just sucks the life out of any match she’s in and Velvet wasn’t the right kind of character to carry her to a good match. It just didn’t work and the weapons stuff was nothing special. Bad match, good view for part of it.

Bad Influence knows Joseph Park is Abyss and that he bleeds blood instead of nougat. They can’t make him bleed but they can beat the stuffing out of him and his fishing buddy.

We recap Bad Influence vs. Young/Park, which started as the two of them vs. Young before Park got involved. Bad Influence began going after Park and looking into his background and found out that he was in fact Abyss.

Eric Young/Joseph Park vs. Bad Influence

This is Full Metal Mayhem which means TLC but you win by pinfall. Park grabs a mic but is stopped by a WE WANT ABYSS chant. He says he would love Abyss to walk through the curtain right now because this isn’t his kind of match. Young comes out second and says that he and Park are friends but he has to do something to bring out Abyss. He goes to open up Park’s head but Bad Influence hits the ring to start the fight and prevent the blood from flowing.

Young it quickly sent to the floor and Park gets double teamed with shots to the ribs instead of the face. Eric comes in with a double missile dropkick before bringing in a chair. He pulls it back to hit Park but Kaz steals it away, only to hit the rope and knock the chair back into his own face. Now it’s Eric getting double teamed with a Daniels kick to the head getting two. Back outside with double teaming on Park but Young gets in a few shots, allowing Joseph to put the ladder around his head and spin around to put Bad Influence down again.

Daniels backdrops Young onto a ladder in the corner and a double suplex puts Park onto the same ladder. The fans want blood but get chairs to Park’s back instead. Bad Influence stays on Park with Kaz hitting a baseball slide into the ladder to knock Young down on the floor. Daniels drops an elbow off the apron to Young while Kaz blasts Park in the chest with the chair. Young finally comes back in and fights both guys off but Bad Influence takes him down again.

Eric low bridges them to the floor as Park is back to his feet and things speed up a bit. Shoulder blocks and a Samoan drop get two on Kaz but he’s still able to break up a Boston crab on Daniels. Daniels comes back with ladder shots to send Park outside but Young dropkicks the ladder into Daniels’ chest. Chris pops back up and hits Young with the ladder before going for a climb, only to pulled down and caught with a running powerbomb onto the ladder. Young goes up but Kaz makes a quick save and loads up the Wave of the Future (C4) off the top. Eric fights him off, shoves Kaz to the mat and drops a big elbow for the pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here and the ending spot looked good but there wasn’t much in between. They never even had Abyss show up after hyping him up for the entire match and promo at the beginning. That’s the problem with the whole Park story: everyone knows the ending and wants to get there, but there’s nowhere to go once we get there.

Post match Park’s mouth is busted but he controls himself.

Bully Ray calmly rants about Anderson ending the Aces and 8’s, saying he can never forgive Anderson for what he took away from him. He quotes Behind Blue Eyes by the Who to continue a strange but awesome trend. Ray saw Anderson as his brother but tonight he takes him out like an enemy.

We recap Anderson joining the Aces and 8’s but then costing Ray the title and ending the team. Ray wants revenge in a stretcher match tonight.

Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson

Anderson calls Ray a creepy man and says he doesn’t want to see Ray receive medical attention on a stretcher. Therefore, this is now last man standing. Anderson quickly punches Ray down but walks into a bad looking spear from Bully. Some elbows to the head have Anderson in trouble again and he’s sent into the steps to bust him open badly. Ray rips up a fan’s sign and rubs Anderson’s blood on his face.

Bully throws the steps into the ring before whipping Anderson with the chain a bit. Back inside and the steps are stood up in the corner but Ray’s big boot kicks them instead of Anderson. Mr. still can’t fight back though and gets caught in a Rock Bottom for five. More chain shots have Anderson in trouble but Hebner interrupts for no apparent reason. Anderson finally gets up and takes the chain away before getting in some whips of his own.

Anderson drops the chain and brings in a piece of barricade but Ray kicks through a bar and into Anderson’s face for a nine count. Ray takes too much time though and gets slammed down onto the barricade followed by a swanton from Anderson for a VERY close nine. Anderson goes up again but gets crotched back down, setting up a superplex onto the barricade. The referee gets bumped in the corner right before we get a Mic Check onto the barricade but there’s no one to count. The distraction lets Ray hit a quick low blow and beat the count for the win.

Rating: C+. By the numbers last man standing match here but you can’t expect them to do anything huge on a show of this magnitude. This was fine for what it was supposed to be and these guys have some solid chemistry together. I’m sure the big blowoff match between them will be solid enough.

Magnus says he’s allowing the team to be named after Bobby Roode out of the kindness of his heart.

We recap the world title tournament semi-finals and finals plus Roode vs. Angle.

Team Angle vs. Team Roode

Kurt Angle, James Storm, Samoa Joe, ???

Bobby Roode, Magnus, Bro Mans

It’s Lethal Lockdown, meaning WarGames. The first two men fight for five minutes, then Roode’s team sends in another man for a two minute advantage. After those two minutes it’s Team Angle sending in its second man to tie it up for two more minutes. They alternate every two minutes until all eight are in and then first fall wins.

Storm and Jesse Godderz get things going after a LONG stall by Jesse before the bell. Storm will have none of that and rams Jesse into a few fans’ shoes. They head inside for the opening bell and more punishment from James. He finally misses a charge to allow Godderz to get in some choking but Storm comes right back with clotheslines and a running neckbreaker.

A running knee drop and a powerslam have Jesse in even more trouble and there’s a suplex for good measure. Godderz comes back with some more right hands and a leg drop but Storm hits a Thesz Press as Robbie E makes it 2-1. The Bro Mans start their double teaming with choking and stomping as this isn’t really interesting stuff. Samoa Joe ties it up after nothing of note takes place.

Joe easily beats up the tag team champions as the problem of the match becomes clear: you have two comedy guys as half of one team and the other team has at least three former world champions. It’s kind of hard for the heels to have a fighting chance you know? Joe hits ten elbows to the head in the corner and it’s all good guys as Roode makes it 3-2. The exact same sequence follows with the heels taking over with punches and kicks for two minutes until Angle, looking as bored as I’ve ever seen him, comes in to tie us up at three apiece.

Kurt goes right after Roode with right hands and a lot of suplexes. Angle escapes a Roode Bomb and grabs the ankle lock on Bobby until everyone is down in the corner. Magnus comes in for the final heel advantage and brings in a trashcan full of weapons. All of the good guys are hit with various metal objects until Abyss’s clock chimes and things get very serious very fast.

Eric Young wheels out a shopping cart full of weapons as Abyss runs over all of Team Roode with ease. Again, there’s a case to be made that any combination of two Team Angle members could win this four on two but at four apiece it’s totally lopsided. No roof full of weapons this time either.

The good guys easily clean house and it’s an Eye of the Storm for Jesse. Magnus takes Storm down but gets caught in a MuscleBuster. There’s no heat to this match at all. The Bro Mans hit the Samoan low but get chokeslammed by Abyss. He finds a barbed wire board and a Last Call sends Robbie into the Black Hole Slam on the wire for the pin.

Rating: D-. I feel bad about this because the match isn’t really doing anything wrong but MAN was this dull. Like I said, there was absolutely no drama at all to this because the rosters were so one sided. That’s an all-star group on Team Angle and if you put Abyss in one of these things it’s even more unfair for the heels. The rating is misleading though as it’s definitely not a bad match, but it’s just SO uninteresting and basically 25 boring minutes of waiting for the inevitable.

A highlight package takes us out.

Overall Rating: B-. As usual, TNA continues to screw up the good stuff they have. If you watch this show, turn it off before the main event and you’ll be thanking me immensely. I can’t tell you how important it was to have current stories on this show. The One Night Only shows are so dull because the stories begin and end on those nights. This was a show with feuds that didn’t need an introduction because they’re (mostly) still going. I could easily see this being Lockdown if it was held at the end of January.

Therefore, of course TNA didn’t talk about it. I’m serious when I say I had no idea this show aired. I knew it was taped but that’s the last I had heard of it. The show is really entertaining and I’d have no problems paying $15 to see this. The main event sucks but it’s because of the lineups being so one sided. I really liked the atmosphere too. The regular One Night Only shows have the same set as Impact and it doesn’t look interesting at all. Nice touch and one of the best One Night Onlys yet.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: January 23, 2014
Location: Von Braun Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re back with Genesis Week Two, featuring all of the matches that we couldn’t get to last week because we needed a thirty minute opening segment. Tonight we have Roode vs. Angle in a cage, Gunner vs. Storm for the briefcase, Sabin vs. Aries for the X Title and Sting vs. Magnus in a contract vs. title match, even though Sting was forbidden from challenging for the title ever again just a year ago. Let’s get to it.

The opening video recaps Sting challenging Magnus from last week and the Roode vs. Angle feud.

Dixie and Spud are in the back with Dixie freaking out about Ethan not being here. Magnus comes in and shakes hands with some lawyer whose name sounded like Creed. Apparently there was a meeting with the board of directors and someone is setting up a hostile takeover of TNA.

The attorney says he can deal with the new investor, even though it seems to be something personal. Magnus says deal with it because he has a title defense. Apparently the investor wants someone in Sting’s corner so Magnus wants No DQ and No Countout. The lawyer and Magnus almost get in a fight until Dixie defuses it. The editing in this made it feel really unnatural.

Here are Magnus, Spud and Ethan to the arena. Nice to see that the “where’s Ethan” problem was settled inside of four minutes. Magnus accuses Sting of playing politics and thought he was a bigger man than that. This brings out Sting himself who accuses Magnus of backing out of deals of his own. Magnus says this is about Sting and wants to know how much he paid the new investor.

Either way, Sting has to face Magnus on his own tonight and Sting just can’t beat Magnus on his own. Sting says he’s watched their BFG match over and over again and is ready. The fans chant Paper Champion at Magnus so he slaps Sting, triggering a brawl. Sting is outnumbered but Samoa Joe makes the save. Naturally Joe is the man in Sting’s corner tonight.

Video on Gunner vs. Storm, leading to their match for the briefcase tonight.

Spud freaks out about Joe so Dixie puts him in a match with the Samoan. Spud panics even more. Dixie after Spud leaves: “Please don’t get killed.”

James Storm vs. Gunner

Of course it’s a briefcase on a pole. The announcers emphasize that you have to get full possession of the case. Feeling out process to start with Storm skinning the cat but walking into a running clothesline to put him back down. James comes back with a kick to the head but gets caught in the corner and taken down by a fallaway slam. A suplex puts Gunner down but he counters the Last Call into a Rock Bottom.

Gunner goes up but gets taken down by a hurricanrana of all things to put both guys down again. Storm goes up and gets his hands on the case but Gunner stops him, bringing the case down. That’s not full possession though so it becomes a fight for the case. A headbutt knocks Storm away and Gunner gets the case at 5:40.

Rating: D+. This was every pole match you’ve ever seen though there were some decent spots in there to fill in some time. The ending didn’t add anything special and Gunner still having the case doesn’t change the situation. I don’t buy Gunner as a title contender but beating James Storm won’t hurt him. Can we get Storm a story that doesn’t involve a tag team though?

Kurt Angle says if he can’t beat Roode tonight, he doesn’t deserve the Hall of Fame.

Earlier today, Velvet Sky got a package from Chris Sabin and we get to see her open it. The note says she needs to bring them to Impact this week. There’s a teddy bear and a lead pipe, meaning Velvet isn’t pleased.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Austin Aries

Sabin is defending and Velvet is in a small cage at ringside, complete with a bag containing the gifts. Feeling out process to start until Aries grabs a quick Last Chancery. Sabin is thrown to the floor but jumps back onto the apron to crotch Aries in the corner. Aries gets caught in the Tree of Woe for a baseball slide but avoids being thrown to the floor.

He comes back with elbows to the head and a Lionsault for two. A discus forearm sets up the running dropkick in the corner but Sabin counters the brainbuster. Sabin heads to the floor and gets the bag from Velvet but it just has the bear. Aries gets in an ax handle from the apron followed by a missile dropkick. The brainbuster gives Aries the title at 5:10.

Rating: C-. I’m having a really hard time caring about these matches when I don’t think all three have combined to go twenty minutes. These are all just meaningless title changes and the belt hasn’t grown at all as a result. I believe this puts Aries at four title reigns and it doesn’t make him a bigger star at all.

We get a strange promo from the Wolves with the camera going all over the place. Richards says you’ve seen their matches on Youtube so why would you make the wolves dance for their meal? They’re the start of the new era and next week the investor will be revealed to the world. Cool video.

We recap Angle vs. Roode. Bobby has beaten him over and over but tonight it’s in a cage and if Angle loses, he can never go into the Hall of Fame.

Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode

Roode has a new sleeveless full body vest. It’s pin/submission/escape here. There’s no bell after the break so we’ll say this is joined in progress. Roode goes after Kurt to start but walks into a belly to belly suplex to give Angle control. He stomps Bobby down in the corner but his right hands are countered with a powerbomb into the cage. A suplex gets two for Roode and more choking ensues.

Angle grabs the legs and catapults Roode into the cage, setting up the Rolling Germans. The Angle Slam is countered and Angle is sent into the cage. A spinebuster gets a fast two for Roode but a Roode Bomb attempt is countered by Angle ramming Bobby into the cage. Now the Slam connects for two and there go the straps. Ankle lock goes on but Roode fights to his feet and takes Angle down with an enziguri.

We go old school with Roode’s Northern Lariat (clothesline to the back of the head) for two. Roode goe sup but Angle makes a save and rams Roode into the cage over and over again until he falls down. Kurt is still on the ropes and goes to escape before looking back at Roode. Oh no. Angle busts out the moonsault but only hits mat in a HUGE crash. Roode crawls out the door but Angle grabs the ankle to pull him back in. Kurt is kicked away so they do the same thing again but this time Kurt puts on the ankle lock, only to have Roode whip him into the cage.

The Roode Bomb gets two and Bobby climbs the cage, so Angle runs the corner and hits the Angle Slam to put both guys down again. Kurt crawls over for a slow two before making a very slow climb to the corner. He gets a leg over but Roode pulls him back in onto the top rope. They slug it out until Roode is crotched on the top, allowing Angle to climb out for the win at 14:17, seconds before Roode makes it out the door.

Rating: B. Angle is going to die in a wrestling ring at some point and there’s no way around it. This was a good but not classic cage match and there’s nothing wrong with that. Above all else, this match was given time to develop and it worked much better as a result. I’d buy this as the ending of the feud but there’s a chance they could get one more match out of them.

Ethan gives Spud a pep talk and names him the British Dream.

Here are the Bro Mans who say they’re on Team Dixie. Jesse says you only Bro once and asks the fans to tweet something right now to remember this moment. They say the word hashtag about 17 times and call out Eric Young and Joseph Park but just get the smaller one. He charges the ring and tries to fight everyone off but gets beaten down until Abyss makes the save. The monster cleans house and the champions and Zema run, leaving Eric to be grabbed by the throat but he talks Abyss out of it.

Joe is ready and wants a piece of Magnus afte Sting gets done with him.

Angle is worried about what happens if TNA loses Sting.

Rockstar Spud vs. Samoa Joe

This is exactly what you would expect with Joe not being afraid of Spud at all and hitting an early Facewash. Spud goes get in an eye rake and some kicks to the leg, only to charge into the release Rock Bottom out of the corner. The MuscleBuster and the Koquina Clutch are good for the win for Joe at 2:20.

TNA World Title: Magnus vs. Sting

No DQ and No Countout with Sting’s contract (not career) on the line against Magnus’ title. Joe is at ringside in Sting’s corner. Magnus cranks on a headlock to start as the fans chant Paper Champion. Off to a wristlock by the Brit but Sting flips him down onto the mat and Magnus bails to the ropes. A double clothesline puts both guys down and here’s Ethan to interfere but Joe blocks him on the ramp as we take a break.

Back with Sting putting on the Scorpion but Bad Influence comes out to neutralize Joe, allowing Ethan to make the save. Everyone is in the ring now so we’re already at four interferences. Joe and Sting fight them off and Magnus takes the Death Drop but it’s Zema and the Bro Mans for the save, getting us to seven interferences.

Bad Influence gets back into things but Angle makes a save (8), allowing Sting to superplex Magnus. A replacement referee comes out (9) and counts two but the Stinger Splash takes him out as well. There’s the Scorpion but Bobby Roode (10) breaks up the hold to save a tapping Magnus. The champ gets up for a Michinoku Driver and it’s Dixie bringing Earl Hebner (11 and 12) for the three count for the pin at 13:25. That one move put Sting out for about 45 seconds.

Rating: T. For twelve people that came out during the match. It’s hard to get that many people into a show sometimes and they did it in a fourteen minute match. These things are making it hard to care about any main event TNA promotes because they’re bigger messes than the Attitude Era ever dreamed of airing. This was more of a match than AJ vs. Magnus though.

Magnus rips up Sting’s contract to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. For Impact, this wasn’t bad but it keeps up one of TNA’s many problems: they always seem to be building to something but we never actually get to that point. It’s very much a company chasing its own tail and it has been for years. For instance, we spent months building to BFG but BFG was just a step towards Dixieland. Now Dixieland has bene just a step towards the investor, which will be a step to something else.

I’m sick of these power struggle stories and they keep TNA feeling like they’re on life support. I’m mildly interested in the reveal next week but my hopes are low enough that a mouse couldn’t get fit underneath them. The cage match was good but the main event was overdone, much like every other title match anymore.

Results

Gunner b. James Storm – Gunner grabbed the briefcase

Austin Aries b. Chris Sabin – Brainbuster

Kurt Angle b. Bobby Roode – Angle escaped the cage

Samoa Joe b. Rockstar Spud – Koquina Clutch

Magnus b. Sting – Michinoku Driver

 

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Impact Wrestling
Date: January 16, 2014
Location: Von Braun Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Tonight is the first night of a double week Genesis special. There are a lot of matches set up for the next two weeks but it’s not clear which are tonight. We’ll be getting some combination of Ethan Carter III vs. Sting, Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode in a cage, James Storm vs. Gunner for the Feast or Fired case and Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson. TNA usually nails these Clash of the Champions style shows so let’s get to it.

We open with a very nice tribute to Mae Young with Tazz saying some kind things about his time with her. Nothing wrong with that.

Recap of the unification match from last week.

Spud is in the ring to insult Alabama and introduce Dixie Carter, in case you didn’t get enough of her last week. We get the usual don’t cross the boss speech before Dixie gives us our second recap of last week’s events. The fans want AJ but Dixie says tonight is about the new champion. Magnus comes out to do the same speech you’ve heard a dozen times about how this is a new era and calls it the Reign of Magnus. He hands Dixie one of the titles because we wouldn’t be here without her.

Dixie says there are some others to thank and brings out the BroMans, Zema Ion, Gail Kim, Lei’D Tapa, Bad Influence and Bobby Roode. Tonight is the beginning of Dixie Carter’s TNA, but for that to happen, everyone has to stand tall and united as one. The only amusing part of this: as Dixie talks about winning tonight, Spud can barely hold the TNA title belt because he’s so small. That guy continues to entertain me. Dixie brings out Ethan Carter III in pink ring gear, making him look like Rick Martel. Before Ethan can say anything, the lights go out and Sting is in the crowd, pointing the bat down to the ring as we take a break.

Back with Sting in the same place, asking if this is the future that Dixie is talking about. There are a lot of people in the back that can’t be bought no matter what. They have a thing called honor which is something Dixie can never have. Another amusing note: Sting is standing in front of a No Standing sign. Sting talks about bringing Magnus into the Main Event Mafia because he’s the future of wrestling.

No one thought he would sell out though, and that’s part of why this is a house divided. Sting says “we” will fight back tonight but Dixie says she only sees him. Samoa Joe, ODB, Eric Young, James Storm and Joseph Park hit the ring for a fight, soon to be joined by Gunner. Eventually the ring is cleared out except for Sting and Carter with Sting holding the bat up to Carterh’s chest and blasting him in the ribs as we take another break.

Back with the good guys ruling the ring and the heels cowering on the ramp. Joe says they’re here for a fight and not leaving until they get into one. Spud, in pink pants no less, brings out Brian Hebner, saying Joe might just get what they want. We’re getting a twelve man tag RIGHT NOW.

Samoa Joe/James Storm/Gunner/ODB/Eric Young/Joseph Park vs. Lei’D Tapa/Zema Ion/Bro Mans/Bad Influence

Joe pounds away on Zema Ion to start as everyone else fights on the floor. We get the always cool sidestep from Joe to avoid a middle rope cross body. ODB and Tapa get into the ring for a few moments until Storm and Daniels come in instead. There have been no tags and only now are a handful of people getting on the apron. Gunner throws Kaz to the floor and now there’s no one in the ring.

Eric and Robbie get into the ring as Joe is now on his third corner of the match. Young and Park double elbow Jesse but Robbie breaks up Eric’s top rope elbow. Zema sends Eric to the floor but turns around to see ODB grabbing her chest. A fall away slam sends Ion flying but Tapa runs ODB down, knocking her to the floor. Daniels comes in to work over Young and gets two off a leg lariat.

Young comes back with a belly to belly suplex and it’s off to Joe for some fat man power. The backsplash gets two on Daniels with Kaz making the save. Joe dives through the ropes to take out the Bro Mans as a lot of things break down. Kaz breaks up an attempted Park dive but busts Park’s lip open in the process. For the first time ever, Park goes after his partners by taking down Gunner and Storm, leaving Joe to put Daniels in the Clutch for the tap out at 7:32.

Rating: D+. This was straight out of the Russo playbook: throw everyone out there at once and hope the fans are so impressed by the insanity that they don’t care about the lack of a story. TNA is walking a very thin line right now with this latest heel stable, even if it’s a looser version than usual. Hopefully it doesn’t turn out like the rest, but that’s probably the case.

Velvet Sky is seen talking to Austin Aries in the back until Chris Sabin comes up and demands to talk to her in the ring.

Kurt Angle arrives and is looking for Dixie and/or Al Snow, the latter of whom told Angle that he had a family emergency.

Sabin is in the ring to yell at Velvet for having secret meetings with Austin Aries but the man himself interrupts. Aries calls Sabin the worst boyfriend ever and says that even though he’s a vegan, he might make an exception for a piece of pigeon pie. Velvet looks flattered and Aries keeps up the charm by calling Velvet an extremely hot woman.

Chris cuts Aries off by saying he tells Velvet what to do, but Aries says he’s been telling Velvet to do what she wants to do. Sabin says she’s his and gives her a little spank to prove it. Austin wants one more match with Sabin for the title and Velvet locked in a small cage at ringside. Sabin says no, but Velvet takes the mic and says she’ll do it. She goes off on Sabin by saying she never wanted to be involved in this. Sabin has treated her like garbage lately, so if he loses next week she might be looking for someone else.

Angle has already changed into his wrestling gear and is still looking for Dixie.

Pat Kenney (I think) tells a cameraman to shoot everything he sees backstage. Sam Shaw comes by and Kenney congratulates him on his match last week, but politely advises Shaw to stay away from Christy Hemme and focus on his career. Shaw snaps and destroys Kenney, beating him down with Kenney’s own shoe. Also it’s Samuel, not Sam.

Ethan Carter practices his catchphrase when Magnus comes in to say believe in yourself. Magnus got to the top by himself and Ethan can do the same.

Bully Ray comes to the ring for his No DQ match with Anderson but Ken jumps him from behind as we go to a break before a bell.

Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson

No DQ. We come back from a break with Anderson ramming Ray (back in his old pre-Aces attire and music) into the announcers’ table and heading back inside, only to have Ray block the Mic Check. A double clothesline puts both guys down as Tazz talks about Anderson wearing the hospital wristbands for his newborn twins. Both guys bring in chairs but it’s Anderson getting in the first shot.

Ray comes back with a spear to put both guys down again and grabs his chain for a whipping. An elbow drop with the chain wrapped arund the arm gets two on Anderson but Ray stops to yell at Earl, allowing Anderson to knock Ray’s chair into his face with a chair of his own for two. Anderson pulls out a piece of a barricade that is clearly made of plastic, only to have it kicked into his face.

Ray misses a splash, allowing Anderson to go up for the Swanton. He hits the barricade as well but comes back with a Mic Check onto the “steel” for two. Anderson sets up a table in the corner and hits a Regal Roll through the wood for another two count. These kickouts are getting surprising. Another table is set up but Ray comes back with a Rock Bottom for two of his own. Bully pulls out the lighter fluid but takes too long to yell about Anderson’s newborns. A Mic Check puts Ray down but Anderson gos to light the table on fire instead. Ray hits a quick low blow and piledriver for the pin 9:40.

Rating: C. This falls under the “screw wrestling and let’s fight” category and that’s what it should have been. Ray is SO much better in this role than he was as the head of the lame biker gang which makes you all the more annoyed at Bischoff for having to fulfill his childhood dreams on national TV. Good fight here though not much of a match.

Angle finds Al Snow and demands to know what happened last week. Al says he was just following orders and gets thrown down.

Post break Angle is in the ring to demand that Dixie come face him right now. She went too far by bringing his family in and here’s Dixie to respond. Kurt goes on a rant about how Dixie isn’t the same person she used to be and how wrong it was to bring Kurt’s wife and kids into this situation. Dixie says she did it to protect him because he would have gotten hurt out here last week, meaning he couldn’t make her any money.

She doesn’t want him to be like AJ or Jeff Hardy and did what she did because it was best. Angle says he isn’t on her team but says he’ll be out here for the main event. Dixie postpones the match until next week and has Angle taken out by security. Roode comes in off the distraction and lays him out with the Death Valley Driver (dubbed the Roode Bomb).

Gail Kim and Lei’D Tapa jump Madison Rayne before Rayne’s title shot.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Madison Rayne

Madison is challenging but is still beaten down from the attack from before the break. Kim beats her down even more by stomping away in the corner but Madison comes back with a rollup for two of her own. Madison can’t shake off all of the punishment from earlier though and staggers down off a forearm to the head. A shoulder block sends the champion to the floor but Tapa runs Madison over and chokes her down. Tapa is finally ejected but Gail does just fine by putting on the Figure Four around the post. The referee breaks it up and Rayne comes back with a flapjack and the Rayne Drop for the pin and the title at 4:00.

Rating: D. Just a match here but at least it ended the less than enthralling Gail Kim title reign. Kim is very talented in the ring but she’s a black hole of charisma, making her title reigns very difficult to sit through. Rayne could be an improvement if she’s actually given the chance to do something different.

Dixie is with The Wolves (Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards of course) and offers them a tryout match next week. However, they’ve already signed contracts offered to them by a TNA investor. Eddie hands her an envelope, saying it’ll change everything. Oh dear.

We run down the card for next week’s show.

Sting vs. Ethan Carter III

Spud is guest referee to really keep the deck stacked. Sting takes Carter into the corner and is immediately warned for his actions. Carther does the same and nothing happens as you would expect. A dropkick sends Carter to the floor and Sting rams him into the steps for good measure. Back in and Spud gets in the way of a Stinger Splash attempt, allowing Ethan to take over with right hands of his own.

Sting avoids a splash and puts on the Scorpion but Spud jumps on his back. Instead Sting hits the Death Drop but Spud still won’t count. Sting tries to force Spud’s hand down but Magnus pulls Spud to safety. The champion takes his shirt off to reveal a referee’s shirt. Ethan uses the distraction to roll up Sting and Magnus makes a fast count for the pin at 4:58.

Rating: D. This was all angle instead of a match. That being said, I’m already getting sick of the latest heel stable dominance with Sting fighting against the evil authority. We’ve covered this so many times already and there’s almost nothing new that can be done with this idea.

Post break Sting says he wants one shot at the title and will do anything to get it. Magnus says Sting lost at Slammiversary and can’t get a shot, but Sting appeals to his pride, saying Magnus must want to earn the title. He says men wear belts, so Magnus needs to stop being a boy. Magnus gets in the ring and says it’s not going to work, but offers Sting a deal: next week it’s Sting’s contract vs. the title. Sting accepts to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a hard one to grade. Believe it or not, I’m really digging everything in TNA other than the main event. The Ray solo heel character works, Sabin vs. Aries with Velvet in the middle is a nice midcard feud and Angle vs. Roode is an excellent feud in general. Then there’s the main event, which is every stereotype TNA has rolled into one bloated feud. It’s yet another heel stable/power struggle with Sting being the great white knight for the company. Count up how many times TNA has done that story and stop when you get to the second hand. I think that sums up everything wrong at the moment.

Results

James Storm/Gunner/ODB/Samoa Joe/Eric Young/Joseph Park b. Bad Influence/Zema Ion/Bro Mans/Lei’D Tapa – Koquina Clutch to Daniels

Bully Ray b. Mr. Anderson – Piledriver

Madison Rayne b. Gail Kim – Rayne Drop

Ethan Carter III b. Sting – Rollup

 

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Impact Wrestling
Date: January 9, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

This is the final taped show in a long series of them as we’re closing in on Genesis next week. The main story tonight is the World Title unification match between AJ Styles and Magnus which has had a full week’s worth of hype. On top of that, Kurt Angle has an open challenge to anyone willing to step inside of a cage with him. Let’s get to it.

After the opening recap, here’s Dixie in a sweater and skirt that belongs on a 22 year old. She doesn’t want to put up with this nonsense tonight so AJ needs to get out here and sign this contract. AJ comes out but Dixie goes into a long rant about how the contract is for one night only and the match tonight is going to be No DQ. She wants Magnus to leave AJ bloodied and broken and carried out on a stretcher tonight so he’ll be out of her life forever.

AJ says she must have a lot of confidence in her champion, just like she did at Bound For Glory when she bet against AJ and lost. Before signing, AJ says there are boys in the back that hate Dixie just as much as he does and they don’t mind coming out here to help him tonight. Dixie says those people weren’t there for him over the last 11 years like she was when she was feeding his wife and kids.

She owns those people and will be the one to break AJ Styles. AJ says Dixie doesn’t get wrestling because it’s supposed to be about two wrestlers but Dixie keeps screwing it up. The belt got respect when AJ won it while the paper champion was hiding under Dixie’s skirt, so here’s Magnus to keep this segment going.

Magnus asks Dixie to leave the ring and gets in AJ’s face for calling him a paper champion. The last image anyone had of AJ is him running away, just like he’ll be doing after Magnus gets done with him tonight. Magnus leaves and AJ talks about how it took eleven years to get him to the title, which is the kind of hard work Magnus doesn’t understand.

Post break Dixie tells Gail Kim and Lei’D Tapa to make sure they take care of something.

Eric Young/Joseph Park vs. Bro Mans

Non-title. Dixie is shown in the back telling the Bro Mans how serious this is. I have a bad feeling about a running theme tonight. Eric starts fast with Robbie and tries to do a Flair strut after being sent into the corner but instead slides through his legs for a sunset flip. A belly to belly puts Jessie down and Eric loads up the top rope elbow but we see Gail and Tapa beating up ODB in the back.

Eric runs off to help, leaving Joseph to get double teamed. Park gets beaten down into the corner but runs both champions over with shoulder blocks and slams. Robbie’s cross body just bounces off Park so he chop blocks Park down instead. The Bro Down (Hart Attack) is good for the pin at 3:27.

Rating: D+. This was more about the story than the match as it seems Dixie has recruited the Bro Mans and Gail Kim and Tapa. It’s probably better that was as we haven’t had a heel stable in all of six weeks around here. The match was nothing to see and the less Eric Young I have to see, the better.

Post match the Bro Mans remove a piece of the barricade and put it in the ring, setting up a Bro Down on Park onto the steel.

Joe goes into Dixie’s office (fourth appearance in 25 minutes) and says he’ll have AJ’s back tonight. Dixie says Joe has a match with Ethan Carter III tonight, but Joe says Ethan’s blood is on Dixie’s hands tonight.

Eric carries ODB to an ambulance, sending Sting off to find Dixie.

James Storm is in the ring and wants to talk to Gunner right now. Gunner comes to the ring and Storm talks about being part of some of the best tag teams ever in wrestling history. You have to check your ego if you’re going to be part of a team, but if loving the fans chanting Cowboy means you have a big ego, he has the biggest ego of all time. The world title has split up Beer Money, America’s Most Wanted and now the two of them.

Gunner says Storm can keep his ego because he has the case. Storm knew the risk he was taking in Feast or Fired and Gunner played by the rules. James says let’s hang the case up one more time because Gunner can’t do it again in another match. They shake on it and I think we have either a briefcase on a pole or a ladder match, presumably for next week.

Ethan Carter jumps Joe in the back.

We come back with Ethan and Joe slugging it out on the stage before Joe punches Ethan down the ramp.

Ethan Carter III vs. Samoa Joe

They ight into the ring and we get a bell with Joe taking over with his usual stuff. The backsplash gets two and Carter is knocked into the corner for the enziguri, only to have Carter come out with a dropkick to the knee. Ethan goes after the knee as the fans tell Carter he can’t wrestle. Joe breaks up something off the top and goes for the MuscleBuster, only to have Spud grab Joe’s leg. The distraction lets Carter get in a shot to the knee for a…..no contest at 2:50? Shouldn’t it be a DQ?

Carter hits Joe’s knee with a wrench to really put him out.

Angle promises to wreck anyone who gets in a cage with him tonight because he’ll be seeing Bobby Roode.

We recap all the injures tonight.

Joe refuses to be taken to the hospital but is forced to go.

James Storm and Gunner have been attacked by whiskey bottles. Sting sees them and goes through the door to find Dixie (5^th appearance) for a good yelling about the events tonight. She says this is a dangerous business but Sting says she can be turned back. He asks what happened to her but Dixie yells at him for trying to be Dr. Phil. Sting has a match tonight with an unnamed opponent.

Kurt Angle vs. ???

In a cage with an open challenge. Angle waits and gets…..Bobby Roode? He doesn’t come to the cage though because he’s got a mic. In seven days Angle is going to lose inside the cage and his Hall of Fame induction will be gone forever. Roode says Angle can get him in the cage next week, but for tonight it’s two on one.

Kurt Angle vs. Bad Influence

Daniels goes through the door as Kaz tries to climb the cage. Angle puts Christopher down and goes after Kaz, only to get crotched on the top. Daniels sends Angle into the cage as Kaz comes in with a top rope ax handle to give Christopher two. Angle is rammed back first into the cage as Bad Influence keeps up their double teaming. He grabs a small package on Daniels but Kaz grabs the referee to prevent a count.

A spinning springboard legdrop gets two on Angle but he pops up with the suplexes for everyone. We get Germans, belly to bellys and more Germans before Kaz breaks up the Angle Slam on Daniels. Kaz tries to leave but gets superplexed down, landing on Daniels in the process. Angle sends Daniels hard into the cage before the Angle Slam pins Kaz at 6:11.

Rating: C+. Kurt Angle just knows how to have a good cage match. The good thing here is that Bad Influence can lose over and over again but keep coming back through their hilarious antics. The match with Roode next week is going to be great as those two have the chemistry to have an awesome match every time they’re out there.

Dixie (6^th appearance) says leave the cage up. Bobby Roode comes in and is told he has a cage match tonight. Roode assumes it’s with Angle but it’s against Sting. Bobby freaks out as you would expect him to. Dixie promises to have him covered.

Angle is having pictures taken with some fans when Al Snow comes up in a car, saying Angle has to get to the airport for an emergency.

Bobby Roode vs. Sting

In a cage as well. I didn’t hear a bell but Sting takes him into the corner, only to be taken down by a shoulder block. Sting blocks being rammed into the cage but Roode does the same. A Stinger Splash hits Roode’s feet and Roode gets two off a clothesline. Sting won’t let Bobby go through the door and stops a charging Roode with a boot and elbow to the jaw.

Roode comes back with a spinebuster for two but Sting breaks up another escape attempt. Sting slams him off the top in classic fashion before ramming Roode into the cage a few times. A pair of Stinger Splashes sets up the Death Drop and Deathlock but here are Ethan and Spud to interfere. Spud distracts the referee, allowing Spud to send in a baton so Roode can lay Sting out and escape at 7:10.

Rating: C-. This was mainly just killing time until the interfering ending but it wasn’t that bad for the most part. Tonight is a one story show and it got old about half an hour ago. Sting works best in quick bursts like this and the match wasn’t bad due to how short it was. Still though, two cage matches not combining to go fifteen minutes isn’t something I can get behind.

Earlier today, Mr. Anderson entered a funeral home to finish this with Ray.

We recap Ray trying to set Joseph park on fire last week.

Anderson is in the funeral home where Aces and 8’s were laid to rest. Ray is sitting in the corner with his sunglasses on and Anderson says let’s finish this. Bully says if he wanted to finish this, he would have done it last week with the lighter. That’s too forgiving of him though because he wants this to last. He says there’s something in his other hand that doesn’t smell as nice (lighter fluid?) before talking about Anderson taking everything from him.

Ray wants his loneliness to encompass Anderson’s life. Next week is Genesis, or the beginning, but it means the end for Anderson. He talks about Anderson throwing the Aces and 8’s colors in the coffin and tells Anderson to go look at what’s in there now. Anderson goes to look and gets ad before turning back to see Ray gone. We see what appears to be baby clothes in Anderson’s hands.

We recap the attacks tonight.

Sting comes into Dixie’s office (7^th appearance tonight) and says it takes more than that to put him down. Dixie says it’s contract season and implies that she’ll pay Sting to side with her.

We recap the AJ vs. Dixie situation and hype the main event.

We run down the stacked Genesis card.

TNA World Title: AJ Styles vs. Magnus

No DQ and both guys are champion coming in. Magnus immediately goes to the floor and does it again for a second time in less than ninety seconds. No contact yet. Magnus gets back in but here are Ethan Carter and Spud to jump AJ before any contact is made. AJ fights them off and superkicks Magnus in the ribs but Carter breaks up a Styles Clash attempt. Sting finally comes out for the save but doesn’t do anything as AJ saves himself. Magnus bails to the floor and we take a break.

Back with the two champions still not making contact as the Bro Mans and Zema Ion come out to jump Sting and AJ and giving us six run-ins in less than eight minutes. Zema DDTs AJ and the Bro Down gets a delayed two on Styles. Sting comes back in as Magnus just chills at ringside. The Brit finally comes back in and AJ quickly loads up the Clash, only to have Bad Influence make the save and lay him out with a powerbomb/neckbreaker combo.

Earl Hebner refuses to count so Dixie and Brian Hebner get us to ELEVEN people coming out for this match. Bad Influence goes High/Low on AJ for two and Brian gets yelled at. Sting lays out the Bro Mans with a double Death Drop on the floor before putting Ion in the Deathlock. AJ fights back against Bad Influence as Sting comes in to help even more. We’re down to Magnus vs. AJ with Styles getting the Calf Killer, only to have Kazarian take out the referee.

Kazarian monkey flips AJ into Daniels but AJ clotheslines him down and Peles Kaz. Now the Styles Clash takes out Magnus but there’s no referee. Earl Hebner hobbles back out (we’ll call that #12) to count two before AJ dives over the top to take out Bad Influence yet again. AJ goes up top but Bobby Roode makes it #13 by shoving Styles into the ropes. Three AA/DVDs lay AJ out for about the fifth time, giving Magnus the pin (thanks to referee #3 and the fourteenth person added to the match) and the undisputed title at 15:47. Sting was being held back by most of the heels in case you were wondering.

Rating: D. So they spent all night hyping up the match before going full Russo on it. That’s what we spent months and months building to? The match was definitely energetic but we really had to spend all this time setting up Dixie with her corporate champion? Assuming AJ leaving isn’t a HUGE swerve, this was one of the biggest wastes of time I can remember in years.

Dixie and Magnus pose to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The Angle and Ray/Anderson stuff was good but WOW the rest of it got on my nerves in a hurry. This was one of TNA’s biggest problems flaring up all over again: putting everything on one idea and going full blast with it until the fans are sick of the story. Genesis looks stacked but man alive this show got annoying fast. Dixie just doesn’t do it for me as the top heel and the lack of planning with AJ basically makes everything since the summer a waste of time.

Results

Bro Mans b. Joseph Park/Eric Young – Bro Down to Park

Ethan Carter III vs. Samoa Joe went to a no contest

Kurt Angle b. Bad Influence – Angle Slam to Kazarian

Bobby Roode b. Sting – Roode escaped the cage

Magnus b. AJ Styles – Magnus pinned Styles after a Death Valley Driver from Bobby Roode

 

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Tag Team Tournament
Date: January 3, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

We’re back with another of these shindigs though I have less faith in this one than in last month’s World Cup of Wrestling. I really don’t think I can make this any clearer than the title has already done. It’s just a tag team tournament to decide the BEST TEAM EVER in TNA, even though America’s Most Wanted isn’t here, making the whole thing inaccurate from the get go. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about the basic idea and lists off the teams in the tournament. Here are the brackets:

Hot Shots/Aces and 8’s

Magnus/Samoa Joe

British Invasion

Austin Aries/Bobby Roode

Petey Williams/Sonjay Dutt/Generation Me

Team 3D

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez

Bad Influence

Petey Williams/Sonjay Dutt vs. Generation Me and Hot Shots vs. Aces and 8’s are play in matches. Much like the X-Travaganza show missing AJ Styles, no James Storm on this show with any of his three tag title partners (to be fair he and Gunner hadn’t teamed up when this was taped) makes this feel incomplete.

We’ll be having highlight packages of all of the teams throughout the night. Up first are Petey Williams and Sonjay Dutt, who from what I can find have been a two man team three times ever: Tonight, the X-Travaganza One Night Only show and an Impact in 2008. There’s no narration or anything and it’s just highlights.

Generation Me’s video is set to the old WWF Hardy Boys theme song. I wasn’t a huge Hardys fan, but this team couldn’t hold the Hardys’ drugs/extra helping of fried lard, let alone lace their boots.

Tag Team Tournament Play-In: Petey Williams/Sonjay Dutt vs. Generation Me

I can never remember which is Jeremy and which is Max. Then again I could never remember which Hardy was which at first so maybe they’re more comparable than I thought. Dutt starts with a headlock on let’s say Jeremy and gets a Let’s Go Senshi chant. Jeremy comes back with a Sin Cara armdrag out of the corner and a double seated dropkick puts Dutt down again. Sonjay tags in Petey to speed things up with a dropkick to Max’s back. Everything breaks down and the non-brothers are both knocked to the floor. A headscissors from Jeremy sends Sonjay into a Max dropkick for two in a nice double team.

It’s Dutt in trouble now as the crowd is trying to get into this. The Bucks work on the arm for a bit before Max hooks a chinlock. Sonjay fights up and tags in Petey to clean house again with a slingshot Codebreaker and a running knee to take the Bucks down. A spin into a Russian legsweep gets two on Max but Jeremy breaks up the Canadian Destroyer attempt. Sonjay comes back in with a springboard double dropkick for two as the cameraman is taken down.

Jeremy gets caught in the corner for some fast tagging by Williams and Dutt. Petey gets caught in a bulldog out of the corner and it’s hot tag to Max. Dutt gets taken down by a CM Punk running knee/bulldog out of the corner as everything breaks down. Jeremy dives through the ropes to take Petey down on the floor as Sonjay gets two off the standing Sliced Bread.

Petey comes back in for another Russian legsweep on Max but Jeremy superkicks him down. More Bang For Your Buck (fireman’s carry slam by Jeremy into a 450 by Max into a moonsault from Jeremy) gets two on Sonjay as Petey makes the save and hits the Canadian Destroyer on Max, only to have Jeremy kick Williams in the face for the pin.

Rating: C. Take four guys, let them do high spots on each other for eight minutes, listen to the crowd cheer for them. The match was nothing great but there were some nice high spots to wake the crowd up. Petey was the best guy out there as Sonjay looked slow and the Bucks were their usual sloppy selves.

Highlight package on the Hot Shots, an old team of Chase Stevens and Cassidy Riley, who never went anywhere and are here so TNA can talk about the past. They’re another team that could have been left out of this to keep it at eight teams but we need to fill time since having matches go longer is just crazy.

Video on Garrett Bischoff/Wes Brisco turning on Angle to join Aces and 8’s.

Tag Team Tournament First Round: Hot Shots vs. Aces and 8’s

It’s Garrett and Brisco in case that wasn’t clear. The fans are behind the Hot Shots as Tazz turns into the Aces and 8’s cheerleader that annoyed the Impact audience for months. Stevens cranks on Wes’ arm to start before it’s off to Cassidy as Tenay tries to convince us to care about Wes because of his family tree. Off to Garrett who gets armdragged down as the announcers completely ignore the match to talk about Eric Bischoff.

Stevens gets two off a front suplex and a legdrop to Garrett before bringing Cassidy back in. Cassidy gets caught by the bikers and choked against the ropes as the announcers try to find something to talk about here. Garrett gets two off a suplex and it’s back to Brisco for a chinlock. Taz gets the Aces and 8’s confused by calling Bischoff Brisco by mistake.

Wes comes back in for a chinlock as Tenay rips on Taz for his mistake. Cassidy finally fights up with a clothesline to put both guys down as we’re now discussing a referee’s spelling abilities. Chase gets the hot tag and everything breaks down until Stevens is left alone. Brisco distracts him from the apron, allowing Bischoff to hit Stevens low for the pin.

Rating: D. This was another match that didn’t need to exist. The Hot Shots could have been any two guys thrown together and it wouldn’t have mattered at all. On top of that, the commentary was even worse than usual. Even they were making it clear that there was no need for this match to happen and that there was nothing to it. That’s a really bad sign and doesn’t make me want to watch the rest of the show.

We now have our first rounds set.

Aces and 8’s

Samoa Joe/Magnus

Austin Aries/Bobby Roode

British Invasion

Generation Me

Aces and 8’s

Chavo Guerrero Jr./Hernandez

Bad Influence

Highlights on the British Invasion, comprised of Douglas Williams and Rob Terry tonight.

The Brits say they’ll win.

Video on Austin Aries and Bobby Roode, who were a team for how long? Three months? To be fair though they were champions when this was taped.

Tag Team Tournament First Round: Bobby Roode/Austin Aries vs. British Invasion

Roode poses to start in an effort to make fun of Terry. Aries and Williams get us going and lock up about 90 seconds after the bell. Austin bails to the corner to keep the stalling intact before Williams shoves Aries into the corner. We’re about three minutes into the match when Aries takes him to the mat for the first time. Terry comes in to chase Aries and Roode to the floor where they mock his physique again.

Back in and it’s off to Roode as we’re still killing time. Roode does his posing again but backs away from a test of strength. Terry finally gets bored and beals Bobby across the ring before bringing Williams back in. The Brits start working on Bobby’s arm before Douglas drops a knee for two. Aries’ knee drop to break up the cover hits Roode by mistake but he manages to shove Williams off the top to take over. Taz names the Brits the Yiddish Invasion for no apparent reason.

Aries takes over with an armbar on Williams as the fans try to clap him back to his feet. Back to Bobby who wraps the arm around the post before choking on the ropes. We actually get some insight from Taz as he calls Roode and Aries a modern day Tully Blanchard and Arn Anderson. I wouldn’t go that far but it’s the closest thing to intelligence that we’ll get from him all night.

Williams finally blocks a charging Roode in the corner and takes him down with a middle rope European uppercut. Hot tag brings in Terry who shrugs off Aries’ forearms to the chest. Rob catches Aries in midair and kicks Roode down before dropping Austin on Roode for two. Terry tags Williams back in but gets taken down by a missile dropkick from Aries. Roode gets in a cheap shot to Williams and Crossfaces him for the win.

Rating: C. Match of the night so far and that’s not saying much at all. It’s still not a great match or even a very good one but it followed a formula and had clear cut heels and faces, putting it ahead of the first two matches. Aries and Roode worked well together, which is likely why they were split up so fast.

Video on Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez. Blast it I was hoping to avoid them on this show. Well any show actually.

We go straight from a boring team to one of the most entertaining I can remember in a long time: Bad Influence. Again, it shows the power of letting funny people be funny instead of writing lines to make unfunny people try to sound funny.

Bad Influence says Dixie’s trickle down of disrespect continues by making them be in a tournament instead of just naming them the best tag team ever. Daniels says this show should be called Foregone Conclusion because no one is better than they are. Tonight Chavo and Shawn are first but certainly not last.

Tag Team Tournament First Round: Bad Influence vs. Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez

Chavo and Daniels get things going by circling each other until Daniels hugs Kaz. There’s no contact a minute into the match. Now Chavo hugs the referee for no apparent reason before locking up with Daniels. Christopher demands and receives a clean break out of the corner. Hernandez bails to the floor instead of hugging Chavo so Daniels fires some shoulders into the corner. Chavo comes back with a series of backdrops but gets caught by the arm and dragged into the Bad Influence corner.

Kaz poses on the apron and thrusts the pelvis a bit before cranking on Chavo’s arm behind the referee’s back. Chavo can’t get over to Hernandez but reverses the armbar by Daniels and drags Daniels over to the Bad Influence corner where a not paying attention Kaz cranks on his partner’s arm by mistake. He sees Chavo and Hernandez on the floor and the wheels in his head slowly start to turn. This armbar is already more entertaining than most of the other matches tonight.

Chavo sneaks back in and uppercuts Daniels to take over before bringing in Hernandez for a bearhug into an overhead belly to belly suplex. Back to Chavo who allows a tag off to Kaz, who gets splashed by Hernandez for two. Chavo comes in again with a slingshot hilo and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two each on Kaz but a Daniels distraction lets Kazarian take over. Daniels comes back in for a front facelock before Kaz gets two off a slingshot legdrop. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Kaz lets go and hits a gorgeous dropkick for two. The announcers talk about the Guerrero Family as Chavo head fakes Kaz into a double clothesline to put both guys down.

Hernandez comes in to clean house with the big shoulder blocks but Kaz saves Daniels from the Border Toss. A missile dropkick sends SuperMex into Chavo for a tag and it’s Three Amigos time for Daniels. Kaz breaks up the Frog Splash attempt but Chavo kicks him down as Hernandez powerbombs Daniels. The second attempt at the Splash gets rid of the most interesting team in the tournament.

Rating: C+. Again, I rarely had a problem with Chavo and Hernandez between the ropes. They could have decent matches with the right opponents and Bad Influence would fit that description. As long as I don’t have to hear Chavo talk about his heritage I’m fine. Bad Influence deserves better, but that’s always the case.

Video on Samoa Joe and Magnus who were thrown together in a wild card tag team tournament and won the belts in a surprise. That’s about all for their story.

Tag Team Tournament First Round: Samoa Joe/Magnus vs. Aces and 8’s

Bischoff starts with Joe and is immediately caught in a wristlock and armbar. Garrett gets to the ropes twice in a row as we’re still firmly in first gear. The Aces finally get Joe into their corner for some double teaming, only to have Wes get punched away with ease. Off to Magnus for some right hands and a clothesline before Joe comes back in with a backsplash.

The bikers double team Joe down again by taking out his knee, allowing Garrett to use his wide array of knee drops. Back to Brisco for a leg lock before Garrett comes in for some right hands. Joe casually stands up and stares at Bischoff but a kick to the leg puts him down again. A t-bone suplex puts Bischoff down again and it’s hot tag to the Brit to clean house. Magnus gets two on Bischoff off a suplex before the enziguri into the snapmare into the top rope elbow are enough to end Brisco.

Rating: D. The result was what you would expect from two world champions with chemistry against two unproven goons. This was just a step above a squash but at least the horrible team is gone. I’m glad they kept this short at least because I can only take so much Bischoff and Brisco at once.

Generation Me says they’ll beat Team 3D.

Speaking of Team 3D, here’s their highlight video.

Tag Team Tournament First Round: Team 3D vs. Generation Me

This is a match I didn’t think I’d ever see and I was glad about that. The former Dudleys go right after Generation Me to start and the beating is on fast. Dropkicks have little effect on the bikers and they easily slam the smaller guys down. We start with D-Von vs. Max as the domination continues. A powerslam gets two on Max as Tazz is loving this stuff. Off to Bully who shrugs off right hands and shoves Max into the 3D corner.

Ray snaps off headbutts to the chest and follows them with a hard chop as this has been one sided so far. Max finally gets over for a tag to Jeremy who walks into a great looking big boot to stop any momentum he had. We hit the neck crank for a bit before D-Von comes in to clothesline the freshly tagged Max inside out. There’s another chinlock as this squash goes on a bit longer. D-Von charges into a boot in the corner but clotheslines Max’s head into Tampa Bay. Ray: “MY BROTHER JUST CLOTHESLINED YOUR HEAD OFF!”.

Ray comes in with a backdrop and knocks Jeremy into the barricade. Tazz pines for ECW for a bit until D-Von misses a middle rope headbutt. A hot tag brings in Jeremy to clean house for a bit until a double superkick puts D-Von down. Ray breaks up a cover and punches Max’s head off. Team 3D collides in the middle of the ring and the Bucks (Generation Me’s indy name) hit stereo missile dropkicks. That’s their highlight though as Max walks into 3D for the pin.

Rating: D+. I’m an old Dudley Boys fan and I’ve never liked Generation Me so this was a fun match. It wasn’t interesting for the most part but I could watch Bully kick little guys’ heads off all day. There was no way you could have the Bucks put up a legitimate fight here so the squash was the right path to take.

Post match Ray threatens to slap So Cal Val around if she doesn’t bring him the mic like she should. “Now go do my dishes like a feeble woman.” Ray gets in an argument with an old lady at ringside and says some woman is so ugly that he wouldn’t even let D-Von sleep with her. Jeremy Borash is in the aisle but Ray stops him by threatening to sleep with him. The look of shock and horror on Borash’s face is beyond description. Ray lists off Team 3D’s accomplishments and promises to win. D-Von loads up the TESTIFY line but Ray wants to say it instead. “Nah it’s your line you say it.” These guys have pure chemistry.

Here are the updated brackets:

Samoa Joe/Magnus

Austin Aries/Bobby Roode

Team 3D

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez

We recap how we got to the semi-finals to kill some time.

Joe and Magnus say never say never about their chances.

Tag Team Tournament Semi-Finals: Samoa Joe/Magnus vs. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode

This has a lot of potential. The heels are skeptical about getting into the ring until it’s Magnus vs. Roode. The fans chant for Beer Money and think that the Cowboy is better. Bobby grabs a wristlock to start but Magnus counters into a hammerlock. A shoulder block puts Roode down and it’s off to Joe for an atomic drop and backsplash. Magnus and Joe take out Aries as well as this is one sided so far.

Aries finally comes back with an elbow to the back of Joe’s head as Tazz reminisces about doing commentary with Mike Adamle. Magnus gets choked against the ropes and forearmed in the chest before it’s off to Roode. The announcers FINALLY talk about the match instead of explaining the Bolo Punch. Aries goes after the Brit’s knee with a chop block and a cannonball before it’s off to Roode for some stomping.

A top rope knee to Magnus’ knee gets two for Aries before the heels do some classic cheating with Roode giving extra leverage. Roode misses a middle rope knee drop and it’s hot tag to Joe. The Samoan cleans house and the good guys hit their finishing sequence on Aries, only to have Roode pull the referee out. Aries loads up a foreign object to blast Joe in the head for the pin.

Rating: C+. Match of the night so far but that’s not saying much at all. As is always the case with these shows, the match would have been way better with more time, but for some reason no matches on these shows can go longer than thirteen minutes. This was entertaining while it lasted but they had to rush to the finish instead of letting the match get there on its own.

Chavo and Hernandez say JB just found the best tag team in TNA history when he started talking to them. Team 3D will be Team 3-No Mas when they get done with them.

Tag Team Tournament Semi-Finals: Team 3D vs. Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez

Ray gets in an argument with a kid on his way to the ring. I miss old school heel work like that. Bully brings in a chair but Hebner takes it away from him. “IF I CAN’T USE MY CHAIR, HE CAN’T USE A CHIMICHANGA OR A BURRITO!” D-Von and Chavo circle each other to start until Chavo sends him to the floor for more stalling. It’s off to Bully who gets caught in a Guerrero headlock but Ray clotheslines his head off to take over.

D-Von comes back in but gets forearmed into the good guy corner for a tag off to Hernandez. A Stinger Splash in the corner gets two but D-Von jacks his jaw to take over. It’s back to Bully for some loud chops followed by D-Von with a front facelock. Hernandez easily drives him into the corner for the tag to Chavo as the match keeps meandering along.

Bully comes back in to send Hernandez into the corner and slap on a bearhug. SuperMex gets up top but Ray chops him down, setting up a D-Von superplex for two. Hernandez hits a quick shoulder for the not hot tag to Chavo for some house cleaning. Everything breaks down and Chavo has to roll through the Frog Splash, only to walk into the 3D for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was another match that never took off at all and felt like it rushed to the ending, though it wasn’t as bad as the previous match. At least we don’t have to listen to another promo from Chavo about the Guerrero Spirit or whatever else he wants to say that makes people think of Eddie.

We recap the semi-finals.

Aries and Roode drink coffee and water while talking about what a toll tournament take on their bodies. They may not have Team 3D’s experience, but they know each other as well as you can. Roode says they’re two of the best in the world today and that means they can beat any team.

Team 3D talks about beating two teams and having one win left. They run down the two teams they already beat and promise that Aries and Roode will take a 3D of their own.

Tag Team Tournament Finals: Team 3D vs. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode

This gets the big match intros as more time is killed. For some reason the lights have been turned off and there are only spotlights on the ring. Ray takes the mic from JB to make sure the intro is perfect, despite having a bit of a disagreement over how much they weigh. He challenges Aries to do a better intro if he can, leading to a weight dispute between the other team as well. Aries of course mentions beating Roode for the title before saying they don’t need a team name because they’re just that great.

The match starts with a brawl on the floor as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer for here. Who thought heel vs. heel was a good idea here? Aries takes over on Bully while D-Von and Roode stagger around ringside. D-Von is sent into the barricade as Aries hits an ax handle from the apron to Bully. Ray comes back with a low chop to take Austin down while D-Von chokes Aries against the post.

The pairings switch off and Aries takes over on D-Von. No one has actually been in the ring yet. Ray chases Hebner with a chain before bringing Aries inside for What’s Up, only to have Roode make the save. Aries gets in a low blow to Ray as we finally have some starters. Roode comes in to stomp on Ray’s ankle before Aries comes in for a top rope knee drop. A Hennig neck snap puts Ray into the wrong corner but he chops Aries from his knees.

Aries puts on a front facelock as the fans still aren’t sure who to cheer for here. They pick Ray at the moment, even though he’s the top heel in the company. Ray makes the tag to D-Von but a Roode distraction means it doesn’t count. Roode comes back in for a chinlock but Ray belly to backs his way out. Aries stomps away in the corner as the announcers talk about Howard Stern and Jesse Ventura running for President.

Ray fights up and collides with Roode, setting up the ice cold tag to D-Von. He cleans house for a few seconds before Aries and Roode double team him down. Aries loads up the foreign object but hits Roode by mistake, setting up the 3D for the pin. Tenay of course acts like this is the least interesting thing ever.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t bad but the booking made next to no sense. Ray spent his previous two matches being the biggest jerk he could possibly be but we’re supposed to cheer for his team in the finals? The logical move would have been to put Joe and Magnus over by DQ or countout to protect the champions and give us a basic heel vs. face final, but instead they went with this and the crowd didn’t know what to do. The lighting was weird too.

A four and a half minute recap closes the show.

Overall Rating: D. This show wasn’t horrible but something even worse: boring. There’s just nothing to see here and the best match is decent at best. The lack of James Storm and the illogical booking of the main event didn’t help anything either. It felt like no one cared here and no one put in any effort, making this to be the least interesting of the entire series so far.

Results

Generation Me b. Sonjay Dutt/Petey Williams – Spinning kick to Williams’ head

Aces and 8’s b. Hot Shots – Low blow to Stevens

Austin Aries/Bobby Roode b. British Invasion – Crossface to Williams

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez b. Bad Influence – Frog Splash to Daniels

Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Aces and 8’s – Top rope elbow to Brisco

Team 3D b. Generation Me – 3D to Max

Austin Aries/Bobby Roode b. Samoa Joe/Magnus – Aries hit Joe with a foreign object

Team 3D b. Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez – 3D to Guerrero

Team 3D b. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode – 3D to Aries

 

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Impact Wrestling
Date: January 2, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

The main story tonight is the coronation of Magnus as the new world champion, which screams AJ Styles return. It’s clear that they’re setting up a unification match in the near future which should be interesting, even if the result has been spoiled by the latest news with Styles. Other than that we could see more of whatever Bully Ray was talking about last week when he promised to be more evil than ever. Let’s get to it.

Aries vs. Sabin for the X Title tonight.

Here’s Angle to open things up. He talks about 2013 being the worst year of his career which is why he declined the Hall of Fame induction. Angle promises to make up for it in 2014 but here’s Bobby Roode to interrupt. Bobby thinks Angle is going to announce his retirement because he knows he can’t beat Bobby Roode. If that’s the case, Roode wants Angle to admit that Roode is the better man face to face.

Kurt says he’s here to make it clear that he’ll dominate 2014. That’s why he wants one more match with Bobby, which sends Roode into fits of shouting WHAT. He turns Angle down because he has nothing left to prove to either Angle or the fans. Roode finally agrees to the match at Genesis, but if Angle loses, he can never go into the Hall of Fame. Angle agrees as long as the match can be in a steel cage. Roode shouts a lot more and says it’s on. They brawl again until referees and Spud come out to break it up. Spud gets shoved down so he says both guys can find a partner for a tag match tonight.

Dixie says she’s spent eleven years trying to find the perfect champion and she’ll find it tonight. She walks through a door and is given a note saying See You Tonight.

After a break, Spud is tasked with finding out who sent the note.

Gail Kim vs. Madison Rayne

This is part of the Open Challenge. Madison poses on the middle rope but dives off with a cross body to get us going. Gail gets stomped down in the corner but comes back with some mounted right hands. Madison armdrags her down but Tapa pulls Rayne out to the floor. Back in and Gail puts on a surfboard with a dragon sleeper to bend Madison in some very impressive directions.

Gail lets go of the hold and it’s a double clothesline to put both girls down. Eat Defeat is countered into a backslide for two before Madison goes to the middle rope, only to be slammed face first into the mat. Another Eat Defeat attempt is countered into a side roll by Madison for the pin at 5:08.

Rating: C-. The match was fine from a technical standpoint but there’s no emotion or interest in this division anymore. It’s just insert challenger here facing off with whoever the champion is that month with no significant story at all. Madison is a nice breath of air but it’s nothing that’s going to make things better long term.

Chris Sabin shushes Velvet Sky and threatens to leave her if she doesn’t do what he says tonight.

Angle gets Gunner to be his partner tonight when Storm comes up to say that’s interesting.

X-Division title: Chris Sabin vs. Austin Aries

Aries is defending. Sabin hides in the corner to start until Aries takes over with a running dropkick. The Last Chancery has Sabin in early trouble but Aries lets go of the hold. Chris goes to the floor to yell at Velvet who says it’s not her match. Back in and Aries gets two off an elbow before busting out a stump puller of all things. A slingshot splash and Lionsault get two each for Aries but Sabin comes back with a belly to back suplex.

Aries gets caught in the Tree of Woe but does a situp to grab Sabin by the face and pull him down with a Diamond Cutter. Nice counter. Sabin bails to the floor and gets taken down with a double ax handle. Back in and Sabin tells Velvet to get on the apron as a distraction, allowing Chris to low blow Aries and grab a small package for the pin and the title at 5:45.

Rating: C+. This was fun while it lasted but it makes Aries’ title reign seem completely worthless. TNA is usually better about not changing titles back and forth at the drop of a hat so hopefully this doesn’t become a trend. I could however go for more of Velvet Sky in tight blue dresses.

Spud keeps looking for information about the note when he gets a call. No one is on the phone and Spud says he’s gotten four calls from that number. It’s a 678 area code, which Google says is the area code for Gainesville, Georgia.

Samuel Shaw vs. Norv Fernum

Shaw is in dress pants and a long sleeve shirt with black gloves. He escorts Christy to the floor and looks almost bored. A powerslam and Orton backbreaker have Fernum in trouble and a standing choke (imagine the start of a Rock Bottom but Shaw clasps his hands and chokes) gets the win for Shaw at 1:38.

James storm is going to show Angle why he made a mistake in picking Gunner. He opens a door and sees someone he’s been looking for.

Post break and of course Storm was talking to Roode. Storm says he hates Roode but needs to be his partner tonight to send a message. Roode says that’s not his problem and he doesn’t need Storm, just like always. Storm says he’ll be out there tonight one way or another.

Video on Magnus getting to the title.

James Storm/Bobby Roode vs. Gunner/Kurt Angle

Storm and Angle get things going with Kurt elbowing James in the face. Off to Roode vs. Gunner with Gunner going face first into the buckle. That seems to just make Gunner mad as he comes back with a slingshot suplex for two on Roode. Bobby comes back with a spinebuster but Storm tags himself in for some two counts and right hands to the head.

Beer Money hits the double suplex for a flashback as the old team starts getting their game together. Kurt has enough of standing on the apron and comes in to clean house with rolling Germans on Roode. There’s an overhead belly to belly on Storm followed by the ankle lock until Roode makes the save. Gunner picks Roode up in the Gun Rack but Storm Last Calls Gunner, allowing Roode to hit the Death Valley Driver for the pin at 6:40.

Rating: C+. Beer Money continues to have chemistry but I’m hoping this is a one off thing. Storm has been ready for a singles run for years now but they keep putting him into tag teams because that’s what he’s done before. The Gunner team was a step back for him and Beer Money would be an even bigger one. Both singles matches should rock though.

Spud accuses Sting of sending the note but Sting blows him off.

Here’s EC3 to brag about getting rid of Jeff Hardy. Even though Jeff is gone to write songs about the Creatures, EC3 tells Christy to introduce Jeff for a match. Naturally there’s no Jeff so Carter “wins” by forfeit. Carter counts to ten (“One, two, EC3”) but here’s Sting to interrupt. Sting calls Carter a dog who can’t do anything without his Aunt Dixie there to save him. Carter is just Dixie’s lap dog but Sting wants him to get off the leash and prove he’s a man. Ethan bails so Sting calls him a lap dog again. The fans agree with Sting’s nickname so Carter agrees to fight Sting at Genesis.

Joseph Park doesn’t remember turning into Abyss so it can’t be real. Eric Young has put him in a match with Bully Ray because Abyss wrestled Ray two years ago this week. Eric leaves and Ray comes up to say Park will be all alone tonight, just like Ray is now. Ray threatens to set Park on fire.

Joseph Park vs. Bully Ray

Ray stands in the corner in a hoodie, jeans and sunglasses. He looks up at Park and kicks him low for the DQ at 57 seconds. That was the only move of the match.

Post match Ray pulls out a bottle of lighter fluid and covers Park before pulling out a lighter. Mr. Anderson runs out for the save but Ray sprays him with fluid as well. There’s the lighter again but Ray turns it off and walks away.

It’s time for the coronation with Spud and Ethan in the ring in front of a throne, ferns and the Union Jack. Spud calls this bigger than the royal wedding and says Dixieland is a place where dreams come true. Ethan, the Master of Ceremonies, brags about how awesome he is and talks about how Magnus rules the world. He finally brings out Dixie who is booed out of the building. She talks about being on a plane to England and seeing a magazine article on AJ Styles. Then she saw a piece on Magnus who was a huge star in the United Kingdom and was all that (her words).

Here’s the champion in a nice suit with the title over his shoulder. Magnus: “This is your champion speaking. Please return your women to their full and upright positions.” Before Magnus goes anywhere he has to thank Dixie for everything she’s done for him over the years. Magnus knows that the fans expected Roode, Angle or even Hardy here but he proved everyone wrong. It wasn’t him that turned his back on the fans but rather the fans who turned on him. He’ll be world champion for a VERY long time but here’s Gunner with the briefcase as we go to our last break.

Back with Gunner saying he’s cashing in right now. Dixie says this isn’t happening but Gunner cleans house anyway. Magnus is the only one left standing but Spud gets in a cheap shot to take him down. Magnus loads up a belt shot but AJ Styles runs in through the crowd for the showdown. They hold up their belts and AJ lays his on the mat like a line in the sand. Magnus bails with Dixie and AJ says come get your intellectual property.

AJ isn’t here because Dixie wants him here but rather because Dixie screwed the people. He needed to come back here because Magnus is a farce. Magnus will never be a world champion until he beats THE world champion. If Magnus wants to be what he says he is, he’ll have to accept the challenge. The fans chant YOU’RE A PUPPET, taking away a lot of the intensity they’re going for here.

If Magnus doesn’t accept, he’ll always doubt himself as the champion. However, if AJ walks out those doors again, his offer goes with him. Magnus agrees to fight next week (instead of at Genesis for some reason) and tells Dixie if he doesn’t fight, he’s leaving too. Dixie says over her dead body but Magnus says give AJ a one night only contract. They shake hands and the match is official.

Overall Rating: B-. This wasn’t a perfect show tonight but they did a good job with what they had. The Bully Ray stuff has me intrigued and the AJ return can get them on to something new. Tonight was about the storytelling instead of the matches and there’s nothing wrong with that. We’re headed towards Genesis which has a stacked card that should be one of their better PPV shows in awhile. Good effort tonight, though I have very little faith that they can keep it up.

Results

Madison Rayne b. Gail Kim – Side roll

Chris Sabin b. Austin Aries – Small package

James Storm/Bobby Roode b. Kurt Angle/Gunner – Last Call to Gunner

Joseph Park b. Bully Ray via DQ when Ray kicked Park low

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