Monday Night Raw
Date: November 5, 2007
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,133
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re coming up on Survivor Series and now that the Smackdown main event has been announced, you have to expect the Raw counterpart will be set up soon. The big story tonight is a one night reunion of D-Generation X, as HHH needs some help deal with Randy Orton and Umaga. Sounds Survivor Seriesish to me. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory of Fabulous Moolah.

Opening sequence.

Here is D-Generation X to get things going. After a fairly long entrance, HHH says this is for one night only and asks if we’re ready. The catchphrase is loaded up but a crotch chopping Hornswoggle interrupts. HHH: “Well that’s…different.” HHH tells him to get back under the ring but Hornswoggle doesn’t listen. Shawn is asked for a run sheet and, after going through all of his merchandise, finds said sheet in his boot (Shawn: “In case I forget what I’m supposed to do.”).

The sheet says DX PROMO in segment one at 9PM (HHH: “East coast time.”) and Hornswoggle isn’t on until the short segment. Hornswoggle then armdrags Shawn into an armscissors (with HHH pointing out that it is the SHORT armscissors). Shawn: “I’m going to make a judgment call here: for tonight, he’s in.”. Hornswoggle doesn’t want to go under the ring because there’s a monster under there.

Shawn goes to look….and is pulled under. He comes back up with worms in his mouth so here is the Boogeyman. HHH hands him a mic, with Boogeyman saying “I’M THE BOOGEYMAN, AND I’M COMING TO…..see if I can join DX.” Shawn makes another executive decision and lets Boogeyman in again so here is Great Khali as a bonus. Shawn: “To keep me from turning into a human Slim Jim, let’s pretend he isn’t here and move on.” HHH goes into an Indian impression that would get him thrown off the air today but now it’s Coach interrupting.

HHH isn’t having this and tells Runjin Singh what Coach said about Khali earlier. Shawn, who CAN’T LIE, backs HHH up and Khali chases Coach to the floor. Everyone else leaves, with Shawn saying he doesn’t know who writes this anymore but this is the worst thing he’s seen since that Katie Vick thing. HHH: “I don’t think anyone writes this crap. They’re on strike.” Catchphrases are hit to wrap up the wackiness.

Actor Luke Perry is here. There are some kids around him, and if one of those is his son, we have seen the wrestling debut of the future Jungle Boy.

We look back at Kelly Kelly winning last week’s Halloween battle royal and getting destroyed by Beth Phoenix after.

Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly

Non-title and Phoenix grabs a release fisherman’s suplex for the pin in less than a minute. Well so much for Kelly for the time being, which is how it should go in this situation.

Santino Marella knows that Steve Austin will be here tonight and mocks Austin’s acting abilities. He even throws in a paper bag, so Austin can act his way out of it.

Carlito vs. Joey Munoz

Hold on though as Carlito says he isn’t wrestling so here is a replacement.

Snitsky vs. Joey Munoz

Pumphandle slam finishes Munoz in about thirty seconds.

Post match Snitsky kicks Carlito in the face and gives him the pumphandle slam too. Time for another Snitsky push it seems.

We get a Jeff Hardy video set to Rooftops by Lostprophets. This is actually on Peacock despite it being a music video and the Lostprophets singer being a monster. That aside, this is a heck of a video, with the lyrics about screaming and dropping bombs being timed to shots of fans screaming for Hardy and Swantons. You can tell something big is coming for him and that is a very good idea. Ignore Jerry Lawler being heard asking “how long is it” after the video starts.

For Survivor Series: Team HHH (HHH/CM Punk/Kane/Jeff Hardy/Matt Hardy) vs. Team Umaga (Umaga/MVP/Mr. Kennedy/Finlay/Big Daddy V).

Mr. Kennedy/Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio/Jeff Hardy

JR dubs Hardy and Mysterio as the WWE Air Force. Hardy and Finlay go to the mat to start until a Kennedy distraction lets Finlay hit a clothesline to the floor. We take a break and come back with Mysterio hitting a springboard crossbody on Kennedy, only to have him run Mysterio over.

It’s Finlay coming back in to go after the knee, including a half crab. The legdrop onto the knee makes it worse and Kennedy adds a right hand for two. Mysterio is back with something like a DDT, allowing the hot tag off to Hardy to clean house. The Whisper in the Wind hits Kennedy but Finlay makes the save. Rey 619s Finlay to the floor, leaving Hardy to hit the Swanton for the pin.

Rating: C+. Pretty standard midcard tag match here with the wrestlers involved being good enough to make almost anything work. Mysterio vs. Finlay is set up for a blowoff on Friday while Hardy vs. Kennedy seems to have run its course. That being said, throw in the video package before the match and it is hard to imagine they are waiting much longer on giving Hardy the main event push, which seems to have been set up for a few weeks now.

Maria tries to tell Santino Marella that Steve Austin is here but he doesn’t buy it.

Here are Maria and Santino Marella for a chat. Santino mocks the Condemned, then he mocks the Condemned’s director, then he mocks the Condemned again, then Steve Austin comes out. Austin corrects Santino’s errors in his catchphrases and then asks about the Condemned again. Santino really did hate the movie and turns down a beer, saying he would rather have a glass of red wine. Austin hands him a copy of the Condemned but Santino can’t watch it again.

There’s the Stunner, allowing Austin to put the DVD in Santino’s mouth. Austin thinks Santino is thirsty and goes to the back before coming out driving a beer truck. Santino gets sprayed down and, despite her begging, so does Maria. Beer is consumed to wrap up a segment that wasn’t funny and felt pretty out of character for Austin. I know he needs to promote a DVD, but that just doesn’t feel like an Austin thing.

SAVE US!

Vince McMahon is in the back with Hornswoggle and takes the blame for the trouble Hornswoggle has had with Jonathan Coachman. McMahon even has a way for Hornswoggle to prove himself at Survivor Series…..when he faces Great Khali.

Survivor Series rundown.

HHH is in the back and has been asked to talk because they need to fill in time while Steve Austin’s mess is cleaned up. Shawn Michaels comes in to say he has it set, so here are the DX Dancers….which is Big Dick Johnson. HHH isn’t impressed but Shawn says he’s a father of two so the only cool thing he knows is Dora the Explorer. Don’t worry though as HHH has The Girls Next Door (from a Playboy reality show, meaning Shawn leaves with his eyes covered). Dancing ensues and it’s very strange to see HHH…..I guess it’s dancing but I’m not sure.

Lance Cade sends Mickie James away for talking to Trevor Murdoch.

Trevor Murdoch vs. Cody Rhodes

Ignore Lilian Garcia saying Lance Cade (at ringside) is in the match by mistake. Hardcore Holly is here too and Rhodes is sent to the apron to start, where he gets in a shoulder to the ribs. Murdoch breaks that up and takes him down for a chinlock as Lawler and JR make as many redneck jokes as they can. Rhodes fights up and hits a bulldog into a knee drop for two but Cade’s distraction fails. Murdoch misses a charge into the corner though and Rhodes grabs a sunset flip for the pin. Not much to this one but Rhodes wins again.

Tribute video to Fabulous Moolah. This includes a rundown of her career highlights, such as becoming the first woman to wrestle in Madison Square Garden. I guess she wrestled herself that night.

Jim Duggan/Super Crazy vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Before the match, Duggan and Crazy chant SI/HO over and over. Haas knocks Crazy over to start and hits a slam before handing it off to Benjamin. More slamming abounds as Duggan continues to play cheerleader on the apron. Benjamin knocks Duggan off the apron but Crazy grabs a rollup (with trunks) for the pin. Duggan never tagged in but he does pat Crazy on the head after the win.

Umaga/Randy Orton vs. D-Generation X

It’s a brawl on the floor to start with Orton being sent into the announcers’ table before being thrown inside. Umaga comes in to miss a sitdown splash on Michaels, allowing HHH to grab a surprisingly effective DDT. HHH gets knocked outside though and we take a break. Back with Umaga missing a charge in the corner, allowing the tag off to Orton. That’s fine with HHH, who drops Orton almost immediately.

Michaels comes back in for the usual comeback, including the forearm and top rope elbow. Umaga isn’t having that and runs Shawn over, allowing Orton to bring Umaga in for real. Some right hands keep Shawn down in the corner and it’s back to Orton for a dropkick. The circle stomp sets up the running Umaga splash and we’re off to the nerve hold.

The middle rope headbutt misses and an enziguri to the shoulder (not sure that’s how that works) allows the hot tag back to HHH. Everything breaks down and Umaga saves Orton from the Pedigree with the Spike, setting up the running hip attack in the corner. The RKO is countered with a shove into Umaga though and Shawn comes in for a quick superkick to pin Orton.

Rating: C+. Much like the other tag match, they played the formula here and it still works, as everyone involved can do this style rather well. Shawn vs. Orton II should be a good showdown at Survivor Series, while Umaga vs. HHH at least has the team format to keep things a little more fresh. The DX reunion was good for a night, but I don’t need to see it again going forward.

Overall Rating: D+. I’m not sure what this show was but it didn’t exactly work. Maybe it is due to Survivor Series coming up so soon, but this felt like a weird side trip rather than a show designed to help set up the pay per view. There were so many short matches that didn’t add much and it was a weird night all around. The DX reunion was fun but the Austin cameo fell pretty flat, leaving this as a not very appealing two hours. Much more strange than good this week and that isn’t a positive thing.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

ECW On Sci Fi
Date: October 30, 2007
Location: Nassau Coliseum, New York City, New York
Attendance: 12,300
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s the Halloween special and this time around that means we have the Monster Mash four man battle royal between Kane, Great Khali, Mark Henry and Big Daddy V. They are leaning heavily into the freak show idea here and that is not a bad idea. I could go for seeing what else they have going on here now that Cyber Sunday is gone so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a Halloween themed intro, set to something that is in no way similar to a certain Halloween novelty song about a holiday themed dance.

Opening sequence.

Elijah Burke vs. Jimmy Wang Yang

Before the match, Burke mocks Yang for being a working class guy. Yang slugs away to start but gets sent to the apron and then out to the floor (where there is some spooky smoke for some atmosphere). Burke starts in on the arm and grabs an armbar back inside, setting up a shoulder breaker. Another armbar doesn’t work that well but Burke is kicked out of the air. That’s about it for Yang’s offense though as he is sent into the corner for the Elijah Express and the pin.

Rating: C-. Little more than a squash for Burke here, which is a good idea as he hasn’t had much going on lately. Sometimes you need to just keep him warm and that’s all they were going for here. At least Yang is some fresh blood around here, even if he isn’t likely to go that far.

Video on Kane.

Raw Rebound.

Nunzio is a vampire and scares a bunch of kids but has them come with him. They go trick or treating to Balls Mahoney (in a cage, not in a costume), CM Punk (behind a KEEP OUT door, again not in a costume), and finally the Boogeyman, who scares Nunzio off and gives the kids worms.

Nunzio vs. Tommy Dreamer

Extreme Rules and it’s Dracula vs. Paul Heyman. Dreamer knocks him down to start and sends Nunzio flying off the apron. A pie to the face rocks Nunzio again as commentary isn’t sure what to make of this. Back in and a really big cell phone to the head sets up an apple bowl to the face, followed by the DDT for the pin. Commentary still can’t figure out who Dreamer is supposed to be.

Rating: C. The important thing here is they didn’t waste a lot of time on a joke that was only so funny in the first place. Commentary not being able to say Heyman was kind of amusing and it isn’t like beating Nunzio is going to matter that much. I chuckled a few times here and wasn’t annoyed so call that a win.

Video on Great Khali.

We look back at the Divas Halloween costume battle royal from Raw, with Kelly Kelly winning.

Miz vs. John Morrison

The winner gets an ECW Title shot. Feeling out process to start with Miz slapping him in the face, sending Morrison into a charge. Said charge is cut off by a drop toehold as Miz seems to be getting smarter by the week. Miz blocks a neck snap across the top and kicks Morrison hard into the barricade. Back in and the springboard kick to the face misses for Morrison, allowing Miz to hit the running corner clothesline for two. The Reality Check misses as well though and Morrison is right back with the corkscrew neckbreaker for the fast pin and the title shot.

Rating: C+. Yeah it’s Morrison getting the title shot again, which isn’t exactly a thrilling concept. Morrison has been the main challenger for the title more than once and it would have been nice to see something changed up. That being said, it isn’t like there is anyone else to go after Punk at the moment so this is kind of the only thing they can do at the moment.

Video on Mark Henry.

Video on Big Daddy V.

CM Punk vs. James Curtis

Non-title and John Morrison is on commentary. Curtis drives him into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs as Morrison isn’t all that impressed by Punk. After fighting out of the corner, Punk kicks away, setting up the bulldog and the springboard clothesline. The GTS finishes in a hurry.

Post match Morrison jumps Punk to leave him laying. The title match is next week as ECW continues its search for some new title contenders.

Monster Mash Battle Royal

Mark Henry, Kane, Great Khali, Big Daddy V

Everyone goes after Kane to start but he ducks underneath them until Henry and V collide for a double knockdown. Khali kicks Kane down and is the only one standing for a bit. Back up and Henry just lifts Khali off the mat (geez) before V seems to drop Kane on what was supposed to be the swinging Boss Man Slam. V splashes Henry into Khali in the corner but misses a charge at Kane and gets eliminated. Henry and Kane clothesline Khali out and we’re down to two. Kane can’t dump Henry but he can kick him in the face and go up top. The top rope clothesline is pulled out of the air though and Henry throws him out for the win.

Rating: C. Sometimes you need a fun main event and that’s all they went for here. Henry being pushed as the next monster should work out as he could be an interesting challenger to Punk if that is where they want to go. What we got here was a fun change of pace, but it does kind of feel like a match that they put on because they didn’t have anything else worthy of a main event.

Overall Rating: C. They kind of punted this week, with the Punk vs. Morrison match being the only thing they set up for the future. That’s not a bad idea here though as it was around a holiday and they were coming off of a pay per view, so have a little fun instead of going through with what would have been another lackluster show. ECW still needs to get some better talent in place, but they also need some better stories because this is only so interesting of a show week to week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXII
Date: April 2, 2006
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 17,159
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

It’s time for the biggest night of the year and this time around it has been rather fun. The Raw side has been a heck of a build while the Smackdown side has been hit and miss at best. This is one of the more forgotten Wrestlemanias (given that the image on the poster was of John Cena vs. Booker T., a match which hadn’t taken place in over a year at this point, you can kind of tell that they aren’t caring all that much) and it’s also the last one to date in a regular arena. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Eugene, Viscera, Goldust, Snitsky, Rob Conway, Tyson Tomko, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch, Matt Striker, Super Crazy, Psicosis, Funaki, Steven Richards, Joey Mercury, Johnny Nitro, Animal, William Regal, Simon Dean

Half from Raw and half from Smackdown, so yes they are wearing the designated shirts. Dean tries to do his intro and gets kicked in the face for the immediate elimination. Richards gets rid of Conway and Funaki goes out as well. There goes Cade, followed by Goldust getting rid of Richards. Striker is out too and there go Crazy and Goldust as the ring is cleared out in a hurry. Snitsky gets rid of Regal and MNM dumps Eugene after a Snapshot.

We get the Raw vs. Smackdown showdown and Murdoch and Psicosis go out back to back. We’re down to Viscera, MNM, Snitsky, Tomko and Animal with Viscera and Animal being the targets for the other four. Viscera misses a charge in the corner but beats up MNM without much trouble. That means a double Visagra (Cole: “Melts in your mouth, not in your hand!” What in the world could that possibly mean in this context?) and Melina is nearly sick. It gets even worse as Viscera tosses MNM to get us down to four.

Snitsky kicks Tomko out by mistake and the LOD chants start back up. A big boot to Animal lets Viscera get rid of him, much to the crowd’s annoyance. Snitsky misses a running big boot though and Viscera wins without touching Snitsky at all. Cole: “I was hoping that would go on for another 15-20 minutes!” Tazz: “One of the best battle royals I’ve ever been a part of!” They’re bringing the Wrestlemania level snark this year.

Rating: D. Yeah this was horrible but the whole point was to get the undercard on the roster. I’m not sure on the logic of having the Chicago guy get all the way to the final three and then have him lose for the sake of Viscera, but I guess they don’t want a heel winning to open the show. Not that it would have mattered as it would have been one of the pops of the night, but it’s not worth getting annoyed about in the first place as it was a six minute battle royal before the feature presentation begins.

Post match Viscera kisses Lilian, who doesn’t seem thrilled.

Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child sings America the Beautiful. You know they’re getting in those American visuals every year and this is no exception.

The opening video looks at some great Wrestlemania moments over I Dare You by Shinedown. I like the song so this is a pretty good combination. They switch over to another song and the matches for this year’s show. That’s a nice mix that they tend to do well most years.

The posters of wrestlers around the top of the arena are a nice touch.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Carlito/Chris Masters vs. Big Show/Kane

Show/Kane are defending and we get the always awesome visual of the city set being on fire during Kane’s entrance. Masters shoulders Kane down to start as JR says this is the first tradition two on two tag match for these titles since Wrestlemania XV. How do you go that long without doing the normal version? Kane is back up with a leapfrog into a dropkick and it’s off to Show for the loud chops in the corner. A poke to the eye allows the tag off to Carlito, who gets a HECK of a reception (one of the loudest reactions I’ve ever seen for him), though Show throws both he and Masters around with ease.

Carlito gets gorilla pressed over the top onto Masters (seemingly elbowing him in the face on the way down) and Kane hits the top rope clothesline onto both of them. Back in and a double flapjack actually gets two on Show, with the replay showing a ram into an exposed buckle had something to do with it. Kane gets the tag so Show has to break up the Masterlock. Everything breaks down and Masters saves Carlito from the chokeslam. Masters hits Carlito by mistake when trying to save him again, meaning Kane can boot Masters to the floor. Not the chokeslam can hit Carlito to retain the titles.

Rating: C-. It was basically a more energetic Raw match and that works well enough for a Wrestlemania opener. I tend to like something like this more than some white hot match to open the show as it means you can go up from here. Carlito and Masters hadn’t been treated as threats to the title coming into the show so it makes sense for them to be little more than an annoyance here.

Post match, Carlito and Masters argue, with the fans being entirely behind Carlito. No violence ensues though.

Shawn Michaels, with a bandage on his head, says he doesn’t regret saying that Vince McMahon needed to grow up. Last year he and Kurt Angle tore the house down and the year before that, he did the same thing with Chris Benoit and HHH. Tonight, Shawn is going to be a different version of himself. Tonight, Vince McMahon needs to bow down and pray because Shawn is taking him to his own personal h***.

Matt Hardy vs. Finlay vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Ric Flair vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Rob Van Dam

Money in the Bank, allowing Cole to get in his first (to be fair in this case, minor) slip up of the night by saying Edge cashed in after John Cena’s Armageddon match. It’s a big brawl to start and the fans are behind Van Dam early on. Hardy goes for the first ladder but Van Dam takes him down with a slingshot dive onto the ladder onto Hardy for the crash. A ladder is bridged against the ropes so Shelton gets a running start for a huge flip dive to take down all of the young people.

Flair and Finlay fight in the ring (go on) but Matt comes in for the save with a superplex to bring Flair off the ladder (egads man). So Flair screams a lot and gets the X treatment (thanks to his knee), meaning we’re going to be down a person after about two and a half minutes. Lashley goes up top but Shelton grabs a sunset bomb. He can’t get Lashley down though so Finlay and Hardy go into the hurt business to bring Lashley crashing to the mat. Hardy crushes Finlay with the ladder in the corner until Finlay throws it back at him.

Finlay loads up the ladder but here’s Flair (after about three minutes away) to cut him off. Chops abound and Flair goes up again until Finlay makes the save with the Shillelagh, making Flair take another bump he shouldn’t be taking. The briefcase is swinging back and forth so Finlay can’t pull it down, allowing Shelton to go up as well. Lashley breaks that up and hits the Dominator on Benjamin, so Van Dam has to dropkick a chair into Lashley for the save.

Matt’s screaming legdrop from the ladder hits Lashley but he has to Side Effect Finlay off the ladder. Finlay gets knocked down as well though and Rob hits a splash off the very top of the ladder for the big crash. Van Dam goes up so Shelton does the always insane springboard onto the top of the ladder (because he can just do that) and hammers away. Matt brings in another ladder and climbs up to slug away at Shelton, who steps over to the other ladder. Rob shoves them both over for the big crash to the floor (always looks great) though and pulls down the briefcase to win.

Rating: B. This was good but not quite up to the standard that the big ladder matches have. It wasn’t all that long either and they didn’t have time to build much up. Shelton got in the big, impressive spots but there were enough high level bumps to go around. Van Dam and Flair were the only realistic winners here too so they picked one of the best options. Not as good as the others, but it still did what it was supposed to do.

New Hall of Famer Gene Okerlund is interrupted by Randy Orton, who doesn’t think much of someone who held a microphone for thirty five years. He promises to win the Smackdown World Title tonight but here’s Batista to say whoever leaves as champion is just holding it for him. Next year, he’s going to be champion at Wrestlemania XXIII.

It’s time for the Hall of Fame class, minus Bret Hart, who was not comfortable with appearing.

Gene Okerlund (No one did it better.)

Sensational Sherri (How was she not in already?)

Tony Atlas (He always seems happy to be around.)

Verne Gagne (Doesn’t mean anything directly to WWE, but you don’t have a wrestling Hall of Fame without him.)

William Perry (Sure, but he couldn’t get a suit? Or a tie? Or a shirt that tucked in?)

The Blackjacks (Again, how were they not in already?)

Eddie Guerrero (Yep.)

Vickie Guerrero looks rather overcome by the reception in a touching moment.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL, with Jillian Hall, is challenging and the ramp raises up so the limo can drive in. After commentary can manage to stop talking about Jillian’s cowgirl look, they bring up JBL wanting to prove that he can beat another great technical wrestler after Eddie Guerrero. They go straight to the slugout to start until Benoit drop toeholds him to try the Crossface. JBL is able to block it so Benoit headbutts him in the back of the head, which is a rather intense next step.

Some forearms to the neck keep JBL in trouble and a chop takes him down again. It’s too early for the Sharpshooter though and JBL bails to the floor to hide behind Jillian. Back in and JBL hammers him down in the corner until he misses a charge, allowing Benoit to roll the German suplexes. JBL crotches him on top though and hits the Eddie dance for some good mocking. The superplex brings Benoit down in a crash, allowing JBL to dance some more. He even hits two Amigos before having to boot Benoit in the face to cut off the comeback.

We hit the chinlock but Benoit fights up with more suplexes. The Swan Dive gets a close two but JBL blocks another Crossface attempt. He also blocks a German suplex with a grab of the rope and the referee, allowing him to….actually not cheat. Instead the Clothesline From JBL is countered into the Crossface, which is countered into a cradle (with a grab of the rope) to give JBL the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. This has always been a bit of a weird one for me as JBL wasn’t exactly a hot challenger coming in but he did pick up the title, which reheated him in a hurry. He wasn’t going to make it back to the World Title anytime soon (or ever, as he didn’t need it), but he needed to win something instead of losing over and over again. This was good enough though and it’s hardly a stretch to see JBL win a match over Benoit.

We recap Edge vs. Mick Foley. Edge accused Foley of costing him the Raw World Title and wanted to beat him down, so Foley agreed to a fight. Foley wanted that one Wrestlemania moment and Edge is starting to realize that he might be in over his head.

Edge vs. Mick Foley

Hardcore match, Joey Styles joins commentary, Lita is here with Edge and Foley’s flannel shirt is buttoned up for a change. Edge has a bat to start but the early swings miss and Edge drops it to the floor. Foley slugs away in the corner and puts Edge in the Tree of Woe for the running elbow to the face. Lita throws in a metal sign though and it goes upside Foley’s head over and over. The spear hits early….and Edge is in a lot of pain, as Foley opens up the shirt to reveal a band of barbed wire wrapped around his stomach.

Foley cuts himself free and ties Edge in the ropes, meaning it’s time to grab the barbed wire bat. Lita tries for the save so it’s the Cactus Clothesline to Edge, sending all three outside in the process. Foley is certainly bringing it early on. A neckbreaker on the floor drops Edge and Foley pounds him down but his charge is hiptossed into the steps for a REALLY painful looking crash. There go Foley’s knees into the steps and it’s time for a chair. Edge loads up a table on the floor but Foley rolls off before Edge can come off the top.

Instead Edge slams him head first into the steel ramp (for a SICK thud)….and it’s time for the lighter fluid. Edge covers Foley in the fluid but gets piledriven for two. Foley grabs the chair but a Lita distraction lets Edge hit a DDT. Foley is busted and the barbed wire bat to the head makes it even worse. It’s time for the thumbtacks but Foley slams Edge (with no shirt) down onto them for the really big reaction.

A barbed wire Mandible Claw goes on and now it’s Edge being hit with the barbed wire bat over and over. Now it’s time for Foley to spray the table with lighter fluid but Lita hits Foley in the knee with the barbed wire bat. The table is set on fire and Edge hits the spear through the ropes and through the fire for the pin.

Rating: A. What is there to say about this? They massacred each other and Foley bled all over the place before taking a huge bump to end the match. This was a different side of Edge and it’s the side that needed to be shown to make him feel like more than a flash in the pan. This felt like two people wanting to hurt each other and then getting to do so, as Foley continues to know how to make someone into a much bigger star than almost anyone else.

Edge and Lita looking like they’re in physical shock after the match makes it a lot better.

Some fans won tickets to the show from Snickers.

Booker T./Sharmell vs. Boogeyman

Booker makes Sharmell start, jumps Boogeyman from behind, and then comes in to hammer on Boogeyman. The comeback doesn’t take long and Booker is sent into the post. Boogeyman eats some worms and stares at Sharmell for trying a staff shot to the back. Sharmell gets kissed with the worms and runs off, leaving Boogeyman to chokebomb Booker for the pin.

Rating: F. Of course this is a failure as there isn’t anything to be praised here. It was the three of them doing a short, bad match and the big deal was Sharmell getting a mouth full of worms. There isn’t much else to it than that and the fact that this aired at Wrestlemania at any point after about 1991 tells you why it’s a failure.

We recap Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James for the Women’s Title. Mickie is a psycho who was obsessed with Trish (they never said the word lesbian but that’s what they were going for) but Trish wasn’t interested. Once Mickie was flat out turned down, she completely snapped and decided to take the Women’s Title instead. This feels like a big fight and that’s a good thing around here.

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is defending. They fight over a lockup to start as JR tries to diagnose Mickie’s mental state. The Thesz press (JR: “Maybe the Louise Thesz press.”) puts Mickie down but she comes back with a kick, only to be thrown into the splits. A baseball slide puts Mickie on the floor but Trish kicks the post by mistake. Mickie wraps the leg around the post in a smart move and there’s a dropkick to the knee to make it worse.

The fans get behind Mickie and she wraps the leg around the ropes. The half crab goes on before it’s time to stomp on the leg in the corner. Mickie stops to soak in the cheers and bends the leg some more. This time Trish reverses into the spinning anklescissors but the fans aren’t happy with the comeback. The Stratusphere is countered with another slam of the leg to the mat as Lawler notices that Mickie’s skirt isn’t the most functional in a match.

Trish comes back with a Stratusfaction attempt but Mickie grabs her between the legs (on the Network) and licks her own hand (not on the Network) as JR loses it. Mickie tries the Stratusfaction but she either leaves it short or Trish can’t hold her on the knee, meaning they botch it horribly (also not on the Network). Mickie settles for the Chick Kick for the pin and the title. JR: “THE NUT JOB HAS WON THE TITLE!”

Rating: B-. This was getting really good near the end but then the botch happened and it stopped everything cold. The leg stuff was good and while it would have made more sense to have Trish’s knee give out when she was trying the Stratusfaction, it worked for a story in the match as Mickie knew how to break the thing down. More importantly though, Mickie FINALLY ends Trish’s year long plus reign and becomes the new star, which is long overdue. They needed to have the title change here as Trish had run out of gas a long time ago but it wasn’t like she had anyone good enough to drop it to.

Vince McMahons has the rest of the family drop to their knees in prayer before his match with Shawn. Vince: “God, let’s face it. I don’t like you, and you don’t like me.” Vince praises his own physique and promises to end Shawn.

Mark Henry vs. Undertaker

Casket match and the druids take their time wheeling the casket to ringside. Undertaker does the full entrance and Henry manages to keep glaring at him before jumping him to start things off. Some running clotheslines don’t do much to Henry so he runs Undertaker over with a single shot. They head outside with both guys going head first into the steps. The fans are in am ore traditional role here with the Undertaker cheers, which are cut off when Henry blocks Old School.

A low blow saves Undertaker from going into the casket and now it’s time to go after the arm. Old School connects this time but he still can’t get Henry down. Henry runs him over again but misses the running crotch attack and gets dropped into the casket. Undertaker follows him in and the lid closes before opening up with Undertaker’s hand around Henry’ throat.

They get back inside with Henry hitting the World’s Strongest Slam and covering because he isn’t that bright. Speaking of not that bright, Henry hammers away in the corner but gets planted with the Last Ride. Undertaker throws him onto and over the casket, setting up the Taker Dive (which barely clears the casket). Back in and a pretty impressive Tombstone lets Undertaker put him in the casket for the win.

Rating: D. Another one which didn’t work so well, mainly because there was no drama. Who was believing that Mark Henry was going to be the one to break the Streak? The Taker Dive and Tombstone both looked great but there isn’t much of a way around the fact that it was Mark Henry trying to break the Streak. It had no drama and wasn’t even that long, leaving this near the bottom end of the Streak (at least once it became a big deal).

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon. Shawn told Vince that it was time to get over the Montreal Screwjob and grow up so Vince decided to destroy Shawn once and for all. He has done a great job of making Shawn miserable and now it is time for Shawn to FINALLY get his hands on Vince in a no holds barred match.

Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon

No Holds Barred and there is a big framed copy of Vince’s Muscle and Fitness Magazine at ringside. Shawn jumps him to start and sends him into JR as the WE WANT BRET chants begin. The framed magazine goes around Vince’s head and Shawn is all ticked off. Cue the Spirit Squad to beat Shawn down though and hit the five man toss into the air. JR: “Someone get the hook!” Shawn gets their megaphone (which is smoking/powdery for some reason) and beats them down though, which sends them off for some reason.

Vince, now bleeding above the eye, gets in a clothesline to take over and it’s time to choke in the corner. The leather belt rips Shawn’s back up and it’s time to choke. Vince actually tunes up the band but Shawn blocks the kick (which had height but was nowhere near the right form) and hammers away. JR: “How are your stock dividends now???” The top rope elbow connects but here’s Shane with a kendo stick to take Shawn down. Always one to rub it in, Vince drops his pants but Shawn puts Shane’s face into it instead, followed by a low blow to Vince.

A clothesline puts Shane on the floor but that’s not enough, as Shawn handcuffs Shane to the rope. The Shane dance sets up a bunch of kendo stick shots to Shane and there’s a heck of a chair shot to Vince’s head. Lawler: “CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!” Vince is busted open and Shawn tunes up the band….before stopping cold. Instead he goes outside and grabs a ladder, which goes straight into Vince’s forehead.

Shawn still won’t cover as he grabs some trashcans and a table instead, even shoving Shane away to get to them. The trashcan to the head drops Vince again and Shawn goes up the ladder. Then he climbs back down and pulls out the BIG ladder. Shawn climbs again, does the suck it sign, and elbows Vince through the table for the huge crash. Medics bring a stretcher out but Shawn scares them off, stands Vince up, yells a lot, and finishes with the superkick.

Rating: C+. Of course it’s junk as an actual match, but this was exactly what they set it up to be. There is no reason to believe that Vince can hang with Shawn in a regular match so he didn’t really come close. Vince brought in a bunch of people, Shawn beat them up and then the beating began. Shawn destroyed him completely (or at least until the next night on Raw, or maybe a week later if they’re feeling generous) and it made sense. Might have gone a little long, but it was the logical way to go.

Post match Vince is taken out on a stretcher and still flips Shawn off. Cole talks about how Shawn promised to never go back to his old self but did it here. Not exactly, as it was just Shawn being violent and aggressive, which isn’t quite what they were talking about on the way here.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle for the Smackdown World Title. Rey won the Royal Rumble to earn the title shot but Orton talked enough trash to get him to put the shot on the line at No Way Out. Orton cheated to win, but Teddy Long put Rey in the match too, making it a triple threat.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Randy Orton vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending and POD plays Rey, in an Aztec warrior costume this year, to the ring. Orton jumps Angle with the belt before the bell to start but Angle is right back in with a German suplex to Orton, plus a double German to both of them at once (with Rey flying through the air). An overhead belly to belly takes Orton over as well but Rey sends Angle face first into Orton’s crotch.

Angle is fine enough to send Rey up for a super hurricanrana to Orton before throwing Rey outside. Rey breaks up the ankle lock attempt and kicks Angle in the head for two as the fans are split between Rey and Kurt. The 619 is countered into the ankle lock and Rey taps (less than four minutes in) but the referee is with Orton. The German suplexes take down both challengers and an Angle Slam to the floor drops Rey in a heap. That means an ankle lock to Orton but this time Rey grabs the referee so he can’t see a tap.

Rey Drops the Dime on Angle but gets knocked outside again. The RKO connects for a delayed two on Angle and Randy goes up top, earning himself the running belly to belly superplex. Rey is back in with the springboard seated senton for two more on Angle and Orton is back in to kick Angle to the floor. The powerbomb neckbreaker gets two on Rey but the RKO takes too long, allowing Angle to come back in with the Angle Slam on Orton. Rey slips out of the Angle Slam and armdrags Angle to the floor. That leaves Orton to be dropkicked into the ropes for the 619 into the West Coast Pop for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. This is still one of the more perplexing big matches in Wrestlemania history as it had no real structure other than them doing moves to each other. Nothing was built up, nothing set up the finish and Rey just pinned Orton to win. It was fine as it was, but I was expecting a lot more, including more time as it didn’t even last ten minutes.

Post match the Guerreros come out to celebrate with Rey.

JR and the King talk about HHH and John Cena being ready for tonight. They needed two minutes for this instead of the other World Title match? Ah right: they needed to put a bed and pillows in the ring. Great way to use the Wrestlemania time.

Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle

It’s the annual Playboy match pillow fight so JR talks about Frank Gotch gate records in Chicago during the entrances. They to to the bed to start and then hit the catfighting. Torrie turns the bed over on her and then puts her dog on Candice’s face. Candice loses her dress and then puts on a headscissors over the ropes while bending backwards over the ropes. A middle rope elbow hits Torrie on the bed and it’s time to cut Torrie out of her dress. Candice pulls out her Playboy but gets rolled up for the pin.

Rating: D-. Yeah this happened and that’s about all there is to say about it. They were there to promote Playboy and it worked well enough, even though the Playboy Diva is usually a face and someone who wins but not quite this time around. It wasn’t exactly a match of course, but why would you expect anything else?

We see clips of the Wrestlemania press conference, with HHH saying the match against John Cena will be easy and Cena saying not so fast. HHH won a tournament to get the shot so there isn’t much of a story.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. John Cena

Cena is defending and HHH, sitting on a throne in a Thor/Conan motif (the announcers say Conan but he had a big hammer), rises out from the stage. Cena on the other hand comes out after a gangster video and following an old car, complete with CM Punk as a machine gun toting gangster in one of the more well known Before They Were Famous cameos. Still as close as he ever got to the Wrestlemania main event. We get an old school weapons check as JR puts over the idea of the grunt vs. the seasons, trained professional to give us a good story to the match.

They fight over the arm control to start and Cena is sent into the corner for some frustration. The fans are almost entirely behind HHH here, or at least the loud ones are. The FU doesn’t work and they stare each other down again. Cena is sent outside for a big cheer but he comes back in to slug away. A backdrop gives Cena two and the fisherman’s suplex gets the same.

We’re already into the chinlock as the fans tell Cena that he can’t wrestle. There’s the big whip over the corner to send HHH to the floor and another backdrop puts him on the ramp. Back in and HHH hits the jumping knee for a positive reaction as commentary keeps talking about the crowd reactions. HHH whips him hard into the steps and the fans even pop for him breaking the count.

Back in again and the facebuster into a running clothesline gets two on Cena, with JR calling it a slobberknocker. A pair of neckbreakers gets two more and we hit the neck crank. HHH switches to a sleeper and then a chinlock as JR gets the World Title wrong and has to apologize to Rey Mysterio. Cena fights up and hits his own clothesline before winning the slugout. There’s a powerslam and Cena initiates the finishing sequence but the Shuffle is countered with a spinebuster for two more. Another sleeper is countered into a belly to back suplex and it’s the Shuffle into the STFU.

HHH finally makes the rope and escapes the FU before sending Cena into the referee in the corner. That means a low blow to both of them, meaning HHH can give us the crotch chop. It’s sledgehammer time and Cena is knocked silly for a delayed two. The FU gets the same and the fans are popping hard on these near falls. Cena misses a high crossbody so HHH tries the Pedigree but Cena pulls him into the STFU, even trapping the arm so HHH can’t make the rope. It takes some time but HHH finally taps and Cena retains.

Rating: A-. That’s the ultimate achievement on Raw and the win that Cena really needed to become THE guy. He had been champion for almost a year straight but still felt somewhat like someone who hadn’t made it all the way to the top yet. Cena had been the guy, but he wasn’t THE guy until this one and that’s a big change.

The match itself was great as you would expect from these two on the big stage. They played up the idea that Cena was in over his head but ground out another win as he tends to do. Cena was getting better at the big matches around this point and of course that would become one of his calling cards down the line. This worked well and felt like a Wrestlemania main event as the company is now Cena’s, which is what matters most.

The celebration and five minute highlight package wraps us up.

Overall Rating: B-. Just like it did in the buildup, Raw annihilated Smackdown here with the two matches that made the show and a lot of other good stuff in between (plus winning Money in the Bank). Edge vs. Foley and the main event certainly deliver, but the rest of the show isn’t anything great. There are some really bad parts on here but the rest is good enough. That may sound good, but I’d like a little more than “good enough” for Wrestlemania.

The biggest problem here is that there really aren’t many blow away moments. Cena winning was more of a long term deal, Rey winning the title felt more like Eddie’s big farewell, Money in the Bank is all about the future and Trish finally losing is hardly top tier stuff. Shawn getting the win against Vince was nice to see, but that middle finger after the match doesn’t make it seem like a blowoff. The problem here is Smackdown, as there wasn’t much of note other than Rey’s title win. It was a one sided show between the two brands and when the show is built around both, it doesn’t work so well, Good, but forgettable.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

ECW On Sci Fi
Date: September 18, 2007
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re done with Unforgiven, where CM Punk retained the ECW World Title over Elijah Burke. That means we are going to need a fresh challenger but I have no idea who that is going to be. There just aren’t that many stars to come after the title and hopefully they can fix that up somehow soon. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Elijah Burke for a chat. Burke wants to congratulate CM Punk on retaining the title at Unforgiven but Punk got away with one. If they fought ten times, Punk might win once so Burke will be ready for him next time. Cue Kevin Thorn to say it is time for someone else to get a title shot. Burke’s mouth is why he quit the New Breed and if Burke doesn’t shut up, he’ll make Burke disappear. Thorn sounds like he has mob connections. Cue Tommy Dreamer, who Burke calls a fossil, to say that unlike them, he is a former ECW Champion.

Thorn doesn’t seem to think that means much but here is Stevie Richards to interrupt. Burke: “Who is next? The Blue Meanie?” Dreamer doesn’t want him out here but Richards says he is the only person who didn’t get pinned last week. Cue Armando Estrada to say none of them are getting a title shot. Over the next three weeks, there will be the Elimination Chase To No Mercy, starting with a fatal four way tonight. Four will enter and three will continue on to next week, which we’ll start right now. I’ve heard worse concepts.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Stevie Richards vs. Kevin Thorn vs. Elijah Burke

We’re joined in progress with the four paired off and Dreamer sending Burke into the corner. Thorn runs Dreamer over with a shoulder and sends him outside for a whip into the steps. Burke sends Richards throat first into the bottom rope but the referee is busy with Dreamer. Richards takes Burke down for a kick to the back but Burke is back up with some rolling German suplexes.

Thorn rips Dreamer’s arm against the post as Burke misses a charge in the corner. Richards gets dropped again to give Thorn two as Burke is back up with the handstand elbow drop to Dreamer in the corner. Some kicks to the legs give Richards no count on Thorn as the referee is out of position AGAIN. The villains are sent outside, leaving Richards and Dreamer to go into a pinfall reversal sequence for two each.

Dreamer clotheslines Richards over the top and out to the floor but gets decked by Thorn. Burke and Thorn slug it out with Burke knocking him outside, allowing Richards to hit a dive off the steps. That leaves Burke to dive onto both of them but he gets pulled out of the air, allowing Dreamer to hit a dropkick through the ropes to put all three down. We take a break and come back with Richards getting two on Dreamer.

Thorn grabs a torture rack on Burke and drops him down into a backbreaker, only for Dreamer to put Thorn into a Texas Cloverleaf. That’s broken up almost immediately so Richards kicks Thorn in the face. Dreamer adds a DDT for two with Burke making the save. Burke goes up but Richards is right there to chop away at him, with Thorn coming in to make it a Tower of Doom. Dreamer hits a top rope splash on Richards, giving Thorn and Burke the double pin to eliminate Richards from the competition.

Rating: C. The biggest problem here was the refereeing, as there were multiple covers that were completely ignored because the referee was elsewhere. That works every now and them if it is planned, but having it take place over and over just makes things look amateurish. At the same time, Richards being eliminated took a lot of the fun out of this, as he would have made an interesting challenger for Punk. Certainly more interesting than Burke (again).

Post break, Burke comes up to CM Punk and asks him to sign the latest WWE Magazine. That way it can be a collector’s item after he takes the ECW Title from Punk, who isn’t convinced. Punk wishes him luck, but Burke reminds Punk that he said luck is for loses. Punk: “That’s why I said it.”

The Miz brings out Extreme Expose for a performance, with Layla pulling the teddy bear that Balls Mahoney gave to Kelly Kelly in the corner.

Balls Mahoney vs. Mike Knox

Miz and Extreme Expose are here too, including Kelly Kelly with the teddy bear. Knox runs him over to start and hits a quick legdrop to set up the chinlock. That doesn’t last long so Knox kicks him in the face for two instead. We’re right back to the chinlock but Mahoney fights up again and starts the snap jabs. The sitout spinebuster gives Mahoney the fast pin as Knox is already falling back down the card.

Post match, Miz and Extreme Expose go to leave, but Mahoney asks Kelly Kelly on a date. She smiles doesn’t say no, which Mahoney takes as a yes. That doesn’t sound like the best thought process.

Video on Big Daddy V vs. Boogeyman, with V being the only person who can crush Boogeyman.

Big Daddy V vs. Boogeyman

Matt Striker is here with V. Boogeyman is foaming at the mouth to start so V headbutts him down without much trouble. A running shoulder cuts off Boogeyman’s comeback attempt and they head outside where V runs him over again. There’s a whip into the steps to drop Boogeyman again and V stands on him inside. The neck crank doesn’t last long as Boogeyman fights up and tries the chokebomb for some reason. The swinging Boss Man Slam sets up the big elbow to finish Boogeyman fast.

Rating: D. This is a fine example of “well what were you expecting” as V is the unstoppable monster who gets to run through everyone before someone finally slays him. That is the right way to go as you don’t see too many people like him and Boogeyman is expendable in a spot like this one. The match itself wasn’t the point, but rather making V look like a killer, which is what they did.

Overall Rating: C-. What mattered here was starting up some new things, such as V’s monster push taking a step forward and the Elimination Chase. It might not be great, but it is going to give some of the people something meaningful to do for the next few weeks. That has been missing badly around here and it is a nice relief to see things starting to open up. It wasn’t a great show, but it was an encouraging one after so many fairly lame weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

ECW On Sci Fi
Date: September 4, 2007
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s time for a big showdown as CM Punk is getting his latest title shot against John Morrison for the ECW World Title. This almost has to be the title change, because there is no reason for Punk to lose again. Throw in the fact that there really isn’t anyone else for Morrison to defend against and they almost have to pull the trigger here. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a look at CM Punk becoming #1 contender last week.

Opening sequence.

Boogeyman vs. Matt Striker

Big Daddy V is here with Striker, who describes him as omnipotent. Boogeyman is foaming at the mouth to start so V gets on the apron for a quick distraction. Striker bails to the floor, comes back, and gets knocked right back to the floor. Back in and Boogeyman hits a corner splash before giving chase on the floor….where V clotheslines Boogeyman for the fast DQ.

Post match V crushes Boogeyman to leave him laying.

Armando Estrada tells CM Punk that this is his last chance for the ECW World Title. Estrada says good luck, but Punk says that’s for losers.

We see a clip of Balls Mahoney on Who Wants To Be A Superhero. Of course this is missing from the Peacock version.

Balls Mahoney vs. Miz

Extreme Expose is here with Miz but Kelly Kelly doesn’t seem thrilled with everything. Mahoney starts fast with the left hands in the corner but Miz takes him down, earning some applause from Extreme Expose (Kelly again isn’t impressed). Miz grabs the cravate but Mahoney is right back up with the snap jabs (Kelly approves). Not that it matters as Miz hits the Reality Check for the fast pin.

Post match Miz declares Mahoney the loser of the match so Kelly checks on him. That earns her a stern lecture and she leaves with Miz and the girls.

John Morrison is sick of CM Punk because he is a loser. Punk picks his tattoos out of a coloring books and looks like a Blink 182 groupie who cried himself to sleep when he couldn’t sneak backstage.

Long video on the McMahon Family drama this week on Raw. Next week, Vince’s illegitimate son is revealed.

Kevin Thorn/Elijah Burke vs. Stevie Richards/Tommy Dreamer

Thorn pounds Richards into the corner to start but Richards kicks his way to freedom. It’s off to Dreamer, who gets slammed down to put him in trouble for a change. Burke comes in and, after a cheap shot from Thorn, hits an STO to put Dreamer down again. Thorn pulls Dreamer into a chinlock which doesn’t last very long as Dreamer sends him into a turnbuckle. The hot tag brings in Richards to take over on Burke as the pace picks up. Burke sends him shoulder first into the corner though, leaving Thorn and Dreamer to fight to the floor. The Elijah Express finishes for Burke.

Rating: C-. It was nice to have a flashback to the New Breed vs. ECW Originals feud here and right now, that might not be the worst way to go. At the end of the day, there isn’t much going on with the rest of the roster so this is about as good of an idea as they have with these people. Not a good match, but it was passable enough that it could have worked with a few more minutes.

Video on CM Punk vs. John Morrison.

ECW World Title: CM Punk vs. John Morrison

Punk is challenging in his final shot. They go technical to start with an exchange of front facelocks and rollups for two each. Punk gets a delayed one off a hip toss of all things but Morrison takes him down and stomps away as we hear a bit about the history of the ECW World Title.

A springboard dropkick gets two on Morrison and Punk starts kicking him in the chest. Morrison sends him throat first into the ropes though and Punk is sent to the apron. That means the powerbomb to the floor has to be blocked, leaving Punk to dive onto Morrison as we take a break.

Back with Morrison slamming Punk off the top for two and then blasting him with a kick to the face. We hit the chinlock for a few seconds before Morrison goes with a running knee to the face for two. Now it’s a reverse chinlock (with Punk looking like he is tapping, likely by accident) before Morrison goes up top. You don’t do that in a match this big, as Punk is right there with a superplex to bring him back down.

Punk’s leg lariat gets two and the running knee in the corner/bulldog gets the same. Back up and Morrison catches him with a Pele kick in the corner but has to elbow his way out of the GTS. A rollup with trunks and rope gets caught (thank goodness) so Punk rolls him up for two of his own. Morrison misses the springboard kick to the face though and it’s the GTS to give Punk the pin and the title.

Rating: B. They had built this up so hard that it had to be the title change and they did just that. Punk kept getting closer and closer to the win and FINALLY pulled it off, which is all you could ask for. They even had some hot near falls near the end, but this was either Punk wins the title or goes into another feud that they don’t have here at the moment. Good match and the only decision they could have made.

Punk celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Not a great show here but the main event is the only thing that matters. While that is kind of a microcosm of all of ECW at the moment, I’ll take what I can get with the title change though, as that is all that it needed to be here. ECW needs some fresh stars, but at least they have Punk to fight some of their current roster for a few weeks/months now. Good main event and the rest was passable enough, even if it isn’t that inspiring.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

ECW on Sci Fi
Date: August 28, 2007
Location: Times Union Center, Albany, New York
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Summerslam has come and gone and since ECW doesn’t mean much in the grand scheme of WWE, there is only one match of note. In this case, that would be John Morrison retaining his ECW World Title over CM Punk (again). That means Morrison needs a new challenger and we’re getting another #1 contenders match. Let’s get to it.

Here is Summerslam if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is John Morrison (in slow motion) to brag about retaining the ECW World Title. At Summerslam, he united the people and created CM Punk’s new reality when he beat Punk again. Since there is a four way tonight to crown a new #1 contender, let’s look at the four men who want to join the Palace of Wisdom. There is the Boogeyman, who is coming to get him, but Morrison is beyond good and evil and it takes more than worms to scare him.

Then we have the Miz, who says he is a chick magnet, but actions speak louder than words. Hoorah. Third is Big Daddy V, and let’s hope he doesn’t win for the sake of humanity. Finally there is CM Punk, and come on already. Let’s take a look at his straightedge lifestyle. Punk doesn’t do anything, which seems to include winning titles. Oh but he does get tattoos. Imagine if he got a tattoo for every time Morrison beat him! None of the four are going to beat Morrison anyway so it doesn’t matter.

Stevie Richards vs. Kevin Thorn

Richards has had Thorn’s number as of late and Thorn is about to snap. Thorn pounds on Richards to start and stomps him down in the corner as the anger comes out. A beal sends Richards flying again and a comeback is cut off with a drop across the corner. Richards’ throat is dropped across the ropes and Thorn drives him hard into the barricade. The Razor’s Edge is countered so Thorn clotheslines him down to stay on the throat. Richards starts kicking away for two of his own and a rollup is good for the same. That’s enough for Thorn, who hits a torture rack backbreaker and the Original Sin finishes Richards off.

Rating: C-. This was little more than a squash, but it was also disappointing. Richards had gotten a small push in the last few weeks and then he just loses here. Thorn isn’t exactly an exciting option for a heel and I’m not sure how far he is going to be able to go even with this story over. Richards didn’t have the brightest future, but I was more interested in his winning streak than anything Thorn is probably doing.

Video on the Boogeyman.

Balls Mahoney runs into the Miz and Extreme Expose. Miz was shocked Mahoney won last week, but Kelly Kelly doesn’t seem thrilled. They even cut her off from saying anything, leaving Brook and Layla to call Mahoney a loser. The four of them go to leave, with Kelly wishing Mahoney luck.

John Morrison is in Armando Estrada’s office to find out who is going to be the new #1 contender. CM Punk pops in, with Morrison saying he wants another title shot handed to him. Punk says he’ll earn it, without having to put his feet on the ropes like Morrison did at Summerslam. Violence is teased, but Punk eats cantaloupe instead. Morrison: “That guy has got some serious daddy issues.”

Balls Mahoney vs. Elijah Burke

Miz and Extreme Expose are at ringside. Burke jumps Mahoney to start, earning himself some shots to the face. The comeback has Kelly Kelly up and cheering, which doesn’t sit well with everyone else. Some more shots to the face put Mahoney down for two but the fans are behind him anyway.

The headstand elbow in the corner sets up a front facelock as Kelly continues to play cheerleader. An STO plants Mahoney to cut off a comeback and the chinlock is on. That’s the trigger to a comeback (of course) and Mahoney hits the Nutcracker Suite for two. Burke catches him up top with a superplex though and the Elijah Express is good for the pin.

Rating: C-. Much like the previous match, someone who won a match to start a little something loses to the bigger star, cutting off almost any interest there might have been. It also isn’t the best sign for Miz’s chances tonight if he’s involved with Mahoney here. The Kelly deal is kind of interesting, but it would be better if she hadn’t done the same thing with CM Punk last year.

Post match Miz laughs at Mahoney’s loss but Kelly Kelly checks on him before leaving.

Miz vs. CM Punk vs. Big Daddy V vs. Boogeyman

One fall to a finish and the winner gets a future ECW World Title shot. Miz is in the ring when we come back from a break, despite going to the back before the break. Matt Striker is here with V as a bonus. Everyone goes after V to start and get knocked away without much effort. V starts splashing people in the corner, with Miz being knocked outside. Boogeyman starts the comeback but gets pulled to the floor instead. Punk is thrown to the floor but V would rather chop Miz.

There’s a chop to Punk to keep things even as the pain continues. V misses a charge and falls over the barricade, leaving Miz to knee Boogeyman down. Back in and Miz hits the running clothesline for two on Punk, who comes back with a slam. The legdrop misses though and Miz grabs a fairly illogical chinlock. Punk breaks that up without much trouble and hits a running knee. The springboard clothesline gives Punk two and the GTS finishes Miz for the title shot.

Rating: D+. What a weird match. Miz vs. Punk was perfectly fine, but this wasn’t a Miz vs. Punk match. Boogeyman and V disappeared for most of the match, which wasn’t that long in the first place. I’m not sure what happened to Boogeyman there, but at least there was a reason for V to be gone. Weird match, though at least they didn’t waste time with anything but the only real choice for a winner.

Post match V slams Boogeyman on the floor and stares at Punk, who gets out before he being crushed.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t their strongest showing, as it was more about getting things back to normal, which meant cutting the legs off from some people who were making some headway. Punk vs. Morrison again might be boring, but who else is there to go after the title? This needs to be Punk’s big win though, as he can only take so many losses. Not a good show this week though, and that isn’t the greatest surprise given the show’s issues with lack of talent depth.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

ECW On Sci Fi
Date: August 21, 2007
Location: Colonial Center, Columbia, South Carolina
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and the one ECW match is set. Granted you might not have known that based on last week’s show, as you might think that we’re coming up on Boogeyman vs. Big Daddy V as the show’s big match. The build has been a bit weird in recent weeks, but that is mainly due to the match being set up so far in advance. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence, featuring a slower version of Don’t Question My Heart.

Armando Estrada is in the ring with a bunch of weapons around him. He declares himself the Hardcore Dictator and introduces our first match.

Big Daddy V vs. Tommy Dreamer

Extreme Rules and Matt Striker is here with V. Dreamer slugs away to start and tries a slam for reasons of general stupidity. V chairs him in the back and shows Dreamer how to do a slam. There’s a whip into a shopping card in the corner but Dreamer avoids a charge. The table is loaded up but a Striker distraction lets V run Dreamer over again. Back in and Dreamer’s trashcan shots to the head have no effect, as V Samoan drops him through a table for the fast pin. Pretty much the squash it needed to be.

Video on CM Punk.

Vince McMahon and Jonathan Coachman are here as Vince continues to search for his son. Coach thinks that the son might be the result of an encounter Vince had in a bathroom stall (Vince: “HOW DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THAT???”) so here is Balls Mahoney. Vince wants this….thing out of his sight. Arguing ensues with the punchline of Vince shouting that he has no balls. Coach: “I know you have grapefruits….” Vince: “SHUT UP!”

Elijah Burke vs. Balls Mahoney

Burke grabs a headlock to start as commentary talks about Mahoney’s interactions with Vince and Kelly Kelly because he’s quite the man about town as of late. Mahoney is back with a shoulder and chop, leaving Tazz thinking Burke needs some sanitizer. They actually go technical with some arm work as Joey talks about Mahoney being barred from amateur wrestling in New Jersey (because that is the only Balls Mahoney story ever). Tazz: “Yeah I’ve heard that one before.”

Some kicks slow Mahoney down and a few uppercuts make it even worse. Burke sends him shoulder first into the post and the leg is wrapped around it too. There’s the handstand elbow in the corner (that always looks cool) and Burke grabs an armbar. The frustration starts setting in so Burke bites the arm, which can’t be very sanitary. More arm pulling sets up a slam before they both miss an elbow. An STO works a bit better for Burke but Mahoney is back up with the right hands. The sitout spinebuster gets two and Burke misses a splash in the corner, allowing Mahoney to get a sloppy rollup for the upset pin.

Rating: C-. This went on longer than it needed to as the pretty surprising mini Mahoney push continues. Burke has long since stopped being a thing around here so this isn’t some soul crushing loss, but you would think there would be a little something better for him to do. The fans like Mahoney though so this isn’t the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen.

Video on John Morrison, including a lot of his weird sayings.

HHH is back at Summerslam.

Post break Balls Mahoney runs into Miz and Extreme Expose. Miz mocks Mahoney and leaves with the women, though Kelly Kelly does not seem pleased. Some winking ensues between Kelly and Mahoney.

We look back at Kevin Thorn beating Stevie Richards last week but beating him up after the bell for the reversed decision.

Thorn is in the back when Richards jumps him. Referees break it up.

Summerslam rundown.

Vince McMahon and Coach don’t think tonight has been a success, though Coach thinks he might have an idea. CM Punk comes in, and while Vince thinks he is talented, he can’t get behind the straightedge stuff. Punk says he doesn’t have dirty unprotected sex with some skank who files a paternity suit against him, making him a living breathing, national disgrace. Vince is not impressed.

CM Punk/Boogeyman vs. Miz/John Morrison

This is Miz and Morrison’s first traditional tag match together (at least on TV). Extreme Expose is here with Miz to uneven things up a bit. Punk kicks away at Miz to start and hands it off to Boogeyman, who scares the girls a lot. We take a break and come back with Morrison flipping over Punk and getting kicked in the face for his efforts. Boogeyman comes in to show Punk how to properly gyrate before pulling him out of the corner, making Morrison flip backwards.

Punk adds a kick to the head but Morrison gets in a cheap shot to knock him off the corner. Back in and Miz hammers away with the left hands, setting up Morrison’s neck crank. A backbreaker/neckbreaker combination gets two on Punk and Miz grabs the chinlock. Morrison gets two off a slingshot elbow and he rains down some right hands.

Another neckbreaker gets another two and the second chinlock doesn’t last very long. Morrison loads up a superplex but gets sunset bombed back down, allowing Punk to strike away. Punk hits a big dive to take Morrison down on the floor as Boogeyman is sent into the steps. Back in and a catapult sends Miz into the corner. There’s the GTS to Miz but Morrison makes a blind tag and hits the flipping neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: C. I wonder if something happened to Boogeyman there as he just kind of vanished near the end and never even got a tag back in. Morrison getting the pin on Punk is a little surprising but it adds a bit of drama to Sunday’s match. Miz and Morrison do work well together though, which is the kind of thing that can go a long (or really long) way. Not a great match, but it kept Punk vs. Morrison warm for Summerslam.

Overall Rating: C. They can’t get to Summerslam fast enough as this show was out of gas by the end. It doesn’t help when one story is worthy of the pay per view and they have already fought three or four times. The show wasn’t bad, but it’s another skippable week. That has been the case more than once as of late and they really need to do something to make it better soon.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Saturday Night’s Main Event #35
Date: August 18, 2007
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 16,827
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross

It’s time for the annual hour and a half long commercial for Summerslam which makes you want to watch the original run of this series again. This show has nothing advertised outside of an update on who Vince McMahon’s illegitimate child might be. The show doesn’t make a difference anyway but I’m almost worried about what is going to be on here. Let’s get to it.

Vince McMahon and Coach are in the back to recap the illegitimate child deal. Coach has been looking through the roster and thinks he has an idea of who Vince’s child is. Vince has told him about all of his dalliances (which he just has records of I guess), except for this one in Kansas City (where Coach is from), back in the 70s….when Coach was born…..and then put up for adoption. Vince thinks this is going to be a long night.

Opening sequence.

Batista/Kane vs. Great Khali/Finlay

Take two Summerslam matches, put them in a tag match. Finlay and Kane, with his taped up ribs, start things off, with Kane knocking him into the corner. It’s quickly off to Batista, who takes Finlay down by the arm. A MuscleBuster drops Finlay again and we take a break. Back with Khali working on the ribs and putting on the stomach Claw.

Kane fights up but gets kicked in the face to put him right back down. That doesn’t last long though as Finlay gets over for the tag off to Batista as everything breaks down. Khali gets tied in the ropes so here is Hornswoggle…who is launched into Khali’s chest. A double chokeslam puts Khali down and the Batista Bomb finishes Finlay.

Rating: C. Total house show style main event and that’s about as good as you’re going to get. Ultimately, the wrestling isn’t so much the point of this show as much as just seeing these wrestlers doing something to get you ready for Summerslam. They didn’t have another option for the ending either so this was about as good as it could have been done.

Vince McMahon has to know who his kid is….and then he looks in a mirror to turn him into his 80s version. Coach gets Vince out of there so Ron Simmons comes up and catchphrases at his own reflection.

MVP is very happy to see Evander Holyfield here to beat Matt Hardy in a boxing match. Holyfield does seem to know him.

Here are Coach and Vince McMahon for Illegitimate Child Corner. Since DNA tests have taken so long, it is time to find out who the child is. Coach talks about how Vince is man with urges but Vince tells him to GET ON WITH THIS. First up, Vince had a tryst in Kentucky, which brings out Eugene. Vince says that’s not possible, because he slept with a woman, not his cousin. Eugene says his Uncle Eric wanted to get into wrestling because Vince nailed his sister….and that’s enough for Vince to cut him off. Eugene: “I LOVE YOU DAD!”

Vince throws him out so Coach brings in Melina, who might have been conceived when Vince was at a Wrestlemania II after party in Los Angeles. Cue Melina, who looks rather upset. They both insist that it isn’t her, as….apparently they had, ahem, a “meeting” on the Fourth of July. Melina better hope that their meeting was, ahem, harmless, or she’s suing him for everything he has. I think he’ll be fine as Vince was in New York for Wrestlemania II, not Los Angeles.

Anyway, there’s one more person but Coach doesn’t want to bring them out. Vince insists though and the glass shatters, meaning we get that classic Vince panic. Austin thinks Vince could be his pops and he could be the fruit of his loins. The result of what came from Vince’s grapefruits if you will. Vince says there’s no chance of that, which Austin says is too bad.

They never had the chance to play catch, go to a football game, build a go kart or teach him how to water ski. Vince never even got to have that talk about the birds and the bees with him. They didn’t get to have a beer together but Vince has had enough of this. Austin thinks the easy thing would be Stunning Vince, but he would rather help him out with the grapefruits instead, meaning a bunch of low blows. Coach gets the Stunner instead and beer is consumed. Vince pulls himself up and gets a Stunner of his own. This was a few jokes until we got to the Austin/Vince moment and that’s always going to work. The search continues.

John Cena vs. Carlito

Non-title and this is the Big Apple Showdown. Cena tackles him down to start and pounds away with right hands. Carlito is sent outside but manages to pull Cena to the floor as we take a break. Back with Cena hitting the top rope Fameasser for two and the STFU makes Carlito tap in a hurry. Not enough shown to rate but this was almost a Cena squash.

Post match Randy Orton comes in and gives Cena an RKO through an open chair. Cena is out cold and Orton yells at him a lot before staring, evily.

Post break, Randy Orton says that’s just the beginning and he’ll take the WWE Title at Summerslam.

There are a bunch of women at ringside for the boxing match.

Matt Hardy vs. Evander Holyfield

Michael Buffer is here to handle the introductions, including one for MVP, in Holyfield’s corner. Matt is at least wearing headgear to prevent a bad case of destruction. We have two minute rounds and Holyfield knocks him down in about a minute. Hardy gets back up and is down again in about twenty seconds. Somehow he survives again to end the round, with MVP being very pleased. The bell rings for the second round and Holyfield doesn’t want to beat him up anymore. MVP comes in and tells Holyfield to do it, earning himself a knockout. This is about all they could have done and at least they made it fast.

CM Punk/Boogeyman vs. John Morrison/Big Daddy V

ECW actually gets the closing spot. Matt Striker is here with V and they’re moving through the entrances pretty fast. Punk and Morrison start things off with Punk rolling him up for tow. Morrison sends him throat first into the middle rope so Punk clotheslines him over the top to the floor.

We take a break and come back with Boogeyman backdropping Morrison a bit harder than he needed to but Striker’s distraction lets V come in. That means Boogeyman is thrown around this time but he does avoid a charge in the corner. It’s back to Punk with the springboard clothesline to Morrison but he’s back up with a knee to the head. Not that it matters though as Punk grabs a small package for the pin.

Rating: C-. This felt like they were running out of time and had to squeeze everyone in there while they could. I’ll take that over not having the match, though V didn’t do much here, which might be a good thing. Punk gets another boost for his title match and that was the point here.

Commentary sends us to a fast highlight video to wrap up the show.

Overall Rating: C. Keeping in mind that this was just a way to build to a pay per view, it was completely watchable. They probably could have cut this down to an hour instead of an hour and a half, but at least they covered a lot of stuff and had the Vince/Austin deal in the middle. Absolutely not a show you need to see, but it would have been completely acceptable background noise while you fold your neighbor’s towels.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

ECW on Sci Fi
Date: August 14, 2007
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Things have changed again as we now have a bit company wide angle. Vince McMahon has an illegitimate child who is a wrestler on one of the brands, meaning the ECW roster is in contention. That could open up some doors for some interesting options, but we also have an upcoming ECW World Title match between John Morrison and CM Punk. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Vince McMahon finding out that his child is a wrestler and dreading the possibilities.

Jonathan Coachman is here to say he is still searching for the surprise McMahon. That means he is going to be busy, but he has a solution. Coach brings out the new ECW General Manager: Armando Estrada (Not to be confused with Armando Alejandro Estrada. I think they’re cousins.). After saying we can call him Commandante and hoping that McMahon made frequent trips to Cuba back in the day (if you know what he means), it is time for the contract signing for the ECW World Title match at Summerslam.

John Morrison and CM Punk come out, with Morrison saying that this is as close as Punk will ever get to the title. Morrison signs, while saying Punk couldn’t last fifteen minutes last week. Punk says that’s right, because he beat Morrison last week. They yell at each other, with Punk insulting Morrison’s clothes and signing. Estrada says he likes the fire because both of them will be in action tonight.

CM Punk vs. Big Daddy V

Matt Striker is here with V. Punk gets shoved down to start and V crushes him in the corner to make it worse. Back up and Punk hits a running knee in the corner, only to get caught with something like a powerbomb. A running charge knocks Punk off the apron and into the announcers’ table for the fast countout.

Rating: D+. Pretty lame reason for a countout to end a short match, but they didn’t have many other options to make this work. They didn’t want either of them to lose so the weak countout ending was as good as they could have done. Punk got in nothing here though and I’m not sure why they needed to do this in the first place.

Video on the Boogeyman.

Tommy Dreamer comes up to Armando Estrada in the back and says he wants the winner of the Summerslam title match. Estrada doesn’t seem to like that because Dreamer is lazy. Dreamer also has 60 seconds to make it to the ring for his match. We get a clock on the screen as Dreamer runs into various things and winds up limping into the ring. It’s about to get worse too.

Big Daddy V vs. Tommy Dreamer

V pounds away and hits a Samoan drop, followed by a splash and a big running elbow for the easy pin.

Miz, with Layla and Brooke, run into Kelly Kelly talking to Balls Mahoney. Miz laughs off the idea of Kelly and Balls getting together, with Kelly not being able to say much. Layla says they have to do something and the women all leave with Miz, as Mahoney is left sad.

Kevin Thorn vs. Stevie Richards

Thorn powers him into the corner to start but Richards fights out and hammers away. Some rights and lefts don’t have much effect though as Thorn tosses him into the corner. A knee to the back keeps Richards in trouble and we hit the chinlock. Back up and some clotheslines rock Richards again as this is mostly one sided so far. Richards fights back with some kicks and what would become known as the Codebreaker for two. That’s too much for Thorn, who hits a spinebuster for the pin.

Rating: C-. I’m not sure what the point was in having Richards win a few matches and then lose, as it doesn’t quite make Richards look good to go 2-1 against him with the last being a loss. At the same time, beating Richards in the thirst match doesn’t make it much better. Also, an underdog Richards sounds more interesting than Thorn at the moment, but WWE going with the guy who is already beyond his expiration date makes sense.

Post match Thorn beats on him even more and that’s a referee’s decision, meaning Richards wins again.

Coach talks to Elijah Burke about his parentage.

Summerslam rundown.

We look back at CM Punk beating John Morrison last week to earn the Summerslam title shot.

John Morrison vs. Boogeyman

Non-title. They lock up to start with Morrison being sent into the corner early on. Back up and Morrison’s springboard kick to the face misses but he Peles Boogeyman off the top. Some right hands give Morrison two and a sliding lariat is good for the same. The armbar goes on before Morrison kicks him in the ribs a few times. The corkscrew moonsault misses though but so does Boogeyman’s splash in the corner. Now the springboard kick to the face connects and Morrison hammers away….for the DQ.

Rating: C. Not too bad here, but that’s the second match in a row that resulted in the referee calling off a match because of violence. The match didn’t exactly make Morrison look great, but then again you don’t want Boogeyman in there for a long match in the first place. It also doesn’t help that Boogeyman was last seen getting squashed by Big Daddy V, but I doubt WWE remembers that one.

Post match Boogeyman hits the chokebomb but Morrison bails from the worming to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a weird show, as both CM Punk and John Morrison came off looking fairly weak here. That doesn’t exactly make me care about the upcoming title match but it isn’t like it means much in WWE either. There wasn’t much on the Vince side either, but at least Richards won again (eventually). Somehow, that is the story that has me the most interested, which doesn’t bode well for ECW’s immediate future.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,178
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

This is going to be an interesting one as the Rumble itself has received very little build. It has gotten about as little attention as I can remember in recent years, but things are in a weird place at the moment anyway. Other than that, we have Mark Henry challenging Kurt Angle for the Smackdown World Title and John Cena trying to get the Raw World Title back from Edge. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at all three main events, which is covering all of the bases fairly well.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

Kid Kash, Gregory Helms, Jamie Noble, Funaki, Nunzio, Paul London

Kash is defending, it’s one fall to a finish, only former champions are allowed in, and if this was mentioned on Smackdown, it was in a one off statement. They go with the parade of rollups to start until the five Smackdown wrestlers jump Raw’s Helms. Noble armbars Kash but it’s broken up by London as this is more like a battle royal with everyone pairing off. London is sent to the floor and Nunzio hits the Sicilian Slice (middle rope Fameasser on Helms).

Noble hits a flying leg lariat on Kash with Funaki breaking it up at two. Funaki whips Noble to the ropes but Noble dives onto Nunzio instead. Kash and Funaki head outside and it’s London hitting a shooting star onto the big pile at ringside. Back in and Helms hits a super swinging neckbreaker on London, followed by Kash hitting London with the Dead Level. Nunzio and Funaki make the save so Noble chops the heck out of Funaki. A fireman’s carry gutbuster sets up a dragon sleeper but Helms makes the save. Noble is sent outside and a Shining Wizard to Funaki gives Helms the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. This was the right call for Helms, who lost clean to Jerry Lawler on pay per view earlier this month. He needs to get away from Raw as fast as he can and this is as good of a way as he can do it. There are only so many spots for cruiserweights on either show but it’s not like Kash was anything special anyway. Good move, and a nice choice for a start.

Teddy Long and Vince McMahon are ready for the Rumble but Vince is more excited that Torrie Wilson, Candice Michelle and Victoria are monitoring the tumbler. Randy Orton comes in to draw his number, as does HHH. Trash talk ensues and HHH asks Candice to hold his ball. HHH is really unhappy with his number, with Randy telling him that he’s screwed.

Trish Stratus, refereeing the next match, is warming up when Mickie James comes in with something to tell her. It’s not a good time, but Mickie says she loves her. Trish leaves without saying anything.

Ashley vs. Mickie James

Trish is refereeing and Lawler longs to be her shirt. Mickie and Ashley fight to the floor before heading back inside for an exchange of wristlocks. Ashley actually gets the better of it, with Joey calling her “technically sound”. Mickie is sent outside for an apron clothesline from Ashley, followed by some technically sound right hands in the corner. Trish breaks it up so Mickie grabs a quickly broken half crab.

That’s fine with Mickie, who gets to stare at Trish and beat Ashley up on the floor. A bow and arrow goes on with commentary pointing out that Mickie is trying to impress Trish. Ashley fights up and throws her down by the hair a few times before rolling Mickie up for two. Something like a spear drives Mickie into the corner as the fans are loudly booing Ashley. More right hands in the corner have Mickie in trouble but she uses the trunks to pull Ashley down with a powerbomb for a distressed three from Trish.

Rating: D. Ashley is trying as hard as she can but she’s just not that good. It doesn’t help when you have Mickie and Trish, two of the best of their generation, out there while we have to sit through Ashley’s bad….well almost everything. They’re stretching this out until Wrestlemania and putting Ashley in the ring on pay per view for nearly eight minutes is not the best way to go about it.

Post match Mickie hugs Trish, who still doesn’t seem pleased.

Vince admires the women’s tattoos, some of which are in some suggestive places. Big Show comes in to draw his number but can’t get his hand in the tumbler. Rey Mysterio comes in and, after an Eddie chat with Big Show, draws his number. Rey: “Eddie, you got me man. You got me.”

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Boogeyman

Jillian Hall is here with JBL. After cowering during Boogeyman’s entrance, JBL hides behind Ashley and then bails to the floor. Boogeyman mounts her and spits worms onto her, which is finally enough to get us ready. JBL hammers away to knock Boogeyman outside before taking him inside for some choking with the tape. The Clothesline From JBL only hits the corner though and Boogeyman hits the pumphandle powerslam for the pin. I’m not sure if that’s a good idea or not, as Boogeyman isn’t exactly a main event star, but JBL isn’t as much of one as he was just a few months ago.

Worms are consumed post match.

Mama Benjamin hits on Vince and Shelton Benjamin draws. That goes well for him but here’s Melina to interrupt. Mama gets Shelton out in a hurry as MNM come in to draw. They seem rather pleased and Melina offers to have the two of them get rid of Shawn Michaels.

We recap the Royal Rumble, which is more or less “anyone could win”. They haven’t focused on it that much this year and that leaves some options open.

It’s Royal Rumble time but here’s the Spirit Squad to interrupt. After a cheer about the Rumble, we’re ready to go. Glad we got that out of the way, but it’s certainly a unique gimmick.

Royal Rumble

Ninety second intervals with HHH in at #1 and Rey Mysterio, in a low rider, in at #2. Lawler: “If you’re number one or two, you’re screwed.” This company really doesn’t have much of a memory does it? Rey goes fast to start with a running dropkick to the knee and a headscissors. The right hands in the corner set up the missed 619 and it’s Simon Dean in at #3. Dean stomps on Rey but can only send him to the apron. For some reason Dean thinks HHH will like him and that’s good for an elimination in a hurry.

Rey hits the Bronco Buster on HHH and it’s Psicosis in at #4. Psicosis goes after Rey as well and a swinging sitout faceplant drops him again. An attempt at a Razor’s Edge over the top results in a hurricanrana to get rid of Psicosis. Before anything else can happen, it’s Ric Flair in at #5 (Flair was in five Rumbles. In four of them, he was in the first five entrants.). HHH panics and the fight is on, with Flair grabbing him low but getting poked in the eyes.

A backdrop gets rid of Flair and it’s Big Show in at #6. That means another beatdown on HHH, including the standing legdrop and an elbow. Jonathan Coachman is in at #7 and Big Show gets rid of him as quickly as you would expect. Show stands on HHH’s head again and it’s Bobby Lashley (a dark horse according to Cole) in at #8. A big right hand puts Lashley down but he backdrops Show in a nice power display.

Lashley kicks Show to the floor (not eliminated) and it’s Kane in at #9 as they’re stacking the first part of this thing. Kane and Lashley slug it out with Kane hitting a big boot. Lashley snaps off a belly to belly, knocks down HHH, and hits the Dominator on Kane. It’s Sylvan in at #10, giving us HHH, Mysterio, Big Show, Lashley, Kane and Sylvan.

After Lashley dispatches him even faster than Show got rid of Coach, it’s a double chokeslam to plant Lashley. Kane and Show get rid of him after a strong showing and it’s the giant slugout. They choke each other on the ropes until HHH dumps both of them out (I’m shocked too) so here’s Carlito at #11 to fill in the ring a little more. Carlito stomps on Rey and HHH until a Roddy Piper style eye poke gets HHH out of trouble. Chris Benoit is in at #12 with Cole explaining about Benoit winning last year (hopefully jogging Lawler’s memory a bit).

The Crossface has Carlito in trouble, with HHH making the fast save. That wasn’t the brightest idea in the world but he sends Benoit to the apron where they fight over a suplex attempt. Benoit puts him down and hits the Swanton but here’s Booker T. (back in the long tights) in at #13. Benoit gets rid of Booker in about 20 seconds (Booker was probably still injured) so it’s back to chopping away at everyone else.

Joey Mercury is in at #14 and Benoit gives him a German suplex in a hurry. More chopping ensues as Tatanka of all people is in at #15 to go after HHH. The fans seem to remember him, but that might just be the Florida State Seminoles chant. Everyone pairs off and it’s Johnny Nitro in at #16 as Benoit gets HHH to the apron. Trevor Murdoch is in at #17 (Lawler: “He looks like a big bottle of milk.”) as the ring is getting full in a hurry. Rey is sent to the apron for the third time but is right back in with a basement dropkick to HHH.

Eugene is in at #18 for an airplane spin on Murdoch so Rey gives the two of them a double bulldog. Animal, with bright green shoulder pads, is in at #19. Things slow down again with the only thing between entrances being MNM failing to get rid of Rey. The returning Rob Van Dam is in at #20, giving us HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Tatanka, Nitro, Murdoch, Eugene, Animal and Van Dam. Rob goes after almost everyone, including a spinwheel kick to HHH. MNM goes after Rob but he shrugs that off and gets rid of Animal.

Orlando Jordan is in at #21 and doesn’t even get a reaction in his hometown. There are WAY too many people in there and it’s making it hard to do much. Van Dam manages a middle rope kick to Carlito’s face and it’s Chavo Guerrero in at #22. Rolling Thunder hits Jordan and Chavo gets to clean a little house, including Three Amigos to Nitro. For some reason Chavo goes up top and HHH shove shim out without much effort.

Matt Hardy is in at #23 as there is only room for about two people to do anything at a time. MNM dumps Tatanka and it’s Super Crazy in at #24. He comes in with a very high crossbody to MNM and it’s back to fighting on the ropes. Shawn Michaels is in at #25 and PLEASE GET RID OF SOME PEOPLE. Murdoch is Shawn’s first victim and it’s Chris Masters in at #26 because the ring MUST stay overly full. Mercury and Hardy both save themselves and HHH has to do it as well.

Viscera is in at #27 (lucky us) for a Samoan drop on Hardy. There’s the Visagra and Hardy is out for daring to try a Twist of Fate on the monster. Shelton Benjamin is in at #28 as Benoit gets rid of Eugene. There’s a Dragon Whip to HHH as Goldust is in at #29. Crazy seems to have been put out off camera and Randy Orton is in at #30.

Side note: Cole says Orton is coming off a phenomenal 2005. What exactly did he do? Lose the title match against HHH at the Rumble, lose against the Undertaker at Wrestlemania and in the Cell, and need his dad to help him beat Undertaker. Oh and be the sole survivor at Survivor Series (thanks to a distraction), which he had done twice before. That’s phenomenal?

Anyway, the final grouping is HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, Van Dam, Jordan, Michaels, Masters, Viscera, Benjamin, Goldust and Orton, or nearly half of the field. Orton gets rid of Benoit in a hurry to make up for Smackdown and Carlito/Masters dump Viscera. Carlito immediately turns on Masters to eliminate him as they’re picking up the pace in a hurry.

Goldust hits Shattered Dreams on Carlito, and is quickly eliminated by Van Dam. Orton gets rid of Jordan (after a ridiculous sixteen minutes), leaving Shawn and HHH to do their big showdown. MNM breaks that up but Michaels breaks that up and sends Nitro into Mercury to get rid of Joey. Michaels clotheslines Nitro out and skins the cat back in but Shelton jumps him. Shawn superkicks Shelton out without much effort but here’s Vince McMahon to order Michaels out.

Cue Shane McMahon from behind to dump Shawn, who charges back in, chases Shane off, superkicks HHH for old times’ sake, and follows the McMahons to the back. Van Dam gets rid of Carlito and we’re down to Van Dam, HHH, Orton and Mysterio. The tag match breaks out with Van Dam and Mysterio getting the better of it. For some reason Rob goes up and gets crotched by HHH, who sends Rey into Van Dam for the elimination.

Rey has to knock HHH and Orton down at the same time, setting up a double 619. Orton clotheslines Rey down though and powerslams HHH for a bonus. HHH is back up with a spinebuster to Orton but Rey gets rid of HHH to bring the fans WAY back into it. Just because he’s evil, HHH pulls Mysterio to the floor and sends him into the steps. The EDDIE chants start up and Rey manages to slip off Orton’s shoulder and a hurricanrana gives Rey the win.

Rating: B-. It’s good enough, but the Eddie praise got a little rough to take as the match went on. The far bigger problem though was having so many people in the ring at once for long stretches, leaving the people to have to find what openings they could in their limited room. That’s not a good setup for the Rumble and when it’s for the sake of having people like Tatanka and Jordan in there for long stretches, they seem to be missing the point.

Mickie interrupts a Trish interview and says she understands what Trish had to do out there. It’s because Trish loves her too! Trish follows her off to straighten things out.

Rey celebrates in the back when Edge comes in to say Rey better not try Benoit’s loophole by jumping over to Raw.

We recap Edge vs. John Cena for the Raw World Title. Edge cashed in the Money in the Bank briefcase after Cena survived the Elimination Chamber and went on to be a very different kind of champion. It was rather cool at times, but he doesn’t have much chance in this one.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Cena is challenging and comes to the ring walking across a confetti shooting scaffold that was lowered from the ceiling. Joey says Cena is fresh here, rather than coming off a 45 minute Elimination Chamber. Why can no one in wrestling tell time? The match wasn’t even 30 minutes long. Cena clotheslines him to the floor to start but Edge manages a trip into the middle buckle.

Back up and Cena grabs a side slam for two so Edge bails outside. That means it’s already time for a Lita distraction and Edge spears Cena into the steps. Cena is sent over the barricade for a nine count and Edge mocks You Can’t See Me. Some kicks to Cena’s face get two and Edge suplexes him down to work on the ribs some more. Cena is sent outside this time and Edge follows to keep hammering away. Back in and Edge gets two off a missile dropkick, setting up a jumping clothesline.

Edge snaps off some jabs to the jaw but has to rake the eyes to get out of a quick FU attempt. Another boot to the face lets Edge go up for a high crossbody, with Cena rolling through for a quick two. A chinlock with a bodyscissors has Cena down again but he powers to his feet. Cena grabs a DDT and they’re both down. The comeback is on and the Shuffle connects for no cover thanks to Lita. That doesn’t really matter though as Cena hits the FU into the STFU to get the title back.

Rating: B-. The wrestling was good enough but the ending wasn’t quite in doubt. As cool as it was to see Edge win the title, I don’t think anyone was buying him as being the champion coming into Wrestlemania. Cena is still the biggest star in the world, despite the mixed reactions getting stronger. I’m thinking Edge will be fine though, as the ratings for his shows as champion are hard to ignore.

Post match, Edge doesn’t want to talk and storms off. Jim Duggan comes up for the obvious Lita joke. I love that Duggan got into gear for the sake of the cameo. It’s such a wrestler thing to do.

Kurt Angle is ready to beat Mark Henry. He’s coming in as champion and leaving as champion. Oh and Mark Henry: YOU SUCK!

Smackdown World Title: Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle

Henry is challenging and has Daivari in his corner. Angle goes for the leg to start and is shrugged off with ease. With the direct approach not working, it’s off to some speed to make Henry miss. Henry gets hold of Angle’s hand though and starts cranking, before dropping Angle ribs first across the top rope. After a trip to the floor with Henry wrecking the steps for no reason, they head back inside with Henry dropping onto his chest for two. The bearhug goes on but Angle slips out and goes for the ankle lock. Henry powers out so Angle hits the German suplex.

The Angle Slam connects for two and the straps go down, setting up another ankle lock. Henry powers out again and the referee gets bumped. Angle goes for a chair, which he uses on Daivari for trying to cut him off. Henry takes the chair from Angle, so it’s a low blow to slow Henry down. Two chair shots to the head give Angle two so he unhooks a turnbuckle pad. Henry goes face first and it’s a rollup with a grab of the rope to retain.

Rating: D. Well that didn’t work. Rey Mysterio got a better match out of Henry on Smackdown and Angle had to cheat over and over to survive here. They might have been able to do something with some more time, but at about nine and a half minutes, there wasn’t much that they could pull off as Angle had to spend the last few minutes cheating to keep the title. I get protecting Henry, but dang this was a rough sit.

Post match Angle celebrates but the gong sounds. Flanked by druids, Undertaker comes to the ring in a horse drawn chariot before motioning that he wants the title. Some lighting goes off at the posts and the ring collapses to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. There’s nothing on here worth seeing, as the Rumble is middle of the road at best, the World Title matches were never in doubt, and nothing was especially good. It’s a weird time in WWE as they’re trying to gear up for Wrestlemania but other than exploiting Eddie’s death, there isn’t much that can be done to fire up interest at the moment. Wrestlemania doesn’t look promising, but it does feel like it’s a long way off, which isn’t a good sign either. The show isn’t terrible, but it also isn’t anything you need to see.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.