Monday Night Raw
Date: December 9, 2002
Location: Thompson-Boling Arena, Knoxville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Armageddon and that means it’s time for the HHH vs. Shawn Michaels Show (as in the official version instead of the unofficial one we’ve seen for weeks now). Other than that, I really can’t think of anything important that Raw has to offer on Sunday but it’s not like Raw cares about anyone but these two anyway. Let’s get to it.

Eric Bischoff and Chief Morely are in the ring with Shawn Michaels and HHH appearing on the screen. Bischoff gets right to the point: Sunday’s match is going to be 2/3 falls. That’s not all though as each fall will have a special stipulation. The first fall will be a street fight, the second will be held inside a cage and the third is a ladder match. HHH and Shawn didn’t say a word. So to clarify, we’re likely getting THREE Shawn vs. HHH matches and HHH will get to beat Shawn in his signature match to become the champion all over again. Oh joy.

Booker T./Goldust vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

During the entrances, a four way elimination match is confirmed for Sunday with Chris Jericho/Christian defending against these two teams and the Dudley Boyz. Booker works on Storm’s arm to start and let’s hit the HHH talk. Goldust comes in for the yet to be named Rear View on Regal. A suplex drops Goldust though and it’s off to a chinlock. That goes nowhere so it’s already off to Booker as the announcers manage to talk about the match for a bit.

Booker’s spinebuster gets two on Lance and it’s already back to the HHH discussion. There’s the ax kick for two more but Goldust tags himself in for a double clothesline. Shattered Dreams makes Regal cringe and something like a Hart Attack gets two on Storm. Lance comes right back with a Sharpshooter though and Goldust tape.

Rating: C-. This was all about the angle building but that doesn’t mean much given how fast they’re throwing together this weak link story for Goldust. I’m not sure why they couldn’t just have Booker and Goldust go on a roll and beat some teams but why do that when you can have them lose over and over in the first place?

Goldust says he’s the weak link and wants Booker to find a new partner.

Trish Stratus is reading Hulk Hogan’s new book for no apparent reason when Chris Jericho comes in to read an excerpt. Apparently he made Hogan tap at one point but he’d rather talk about the sexual tension between himself and Trish. She thinks Vitamin C sounds very nu-Trish-ous. Then again she saw him without his clothes on two weeks ago and thinks it’s Vitamin Wee. These two have great chemistry together.

Rob Van Dam is on the phone in Bischoff’s office when the bosses come in to hang up the call. Bischoff needs to keep the line open for his call from Scott Steiner. Van Dam leaves but tells Bischoff that he just hung up on Steiner. I would pay so much money to see Steiner and Van Dam have a five minute chat about…..well anything really.

Steven Richards vs. Jacqueline

Jacqueline is in a triple threat match with Trish and Victoria on Sunday, just in case you weren’t over the card already. Steven easily powers her into the corner to start but gets armdragged down. Richards gets serious and grabs a side slam for two with Jackie’s foot on the ropes freaking him out. A DDT gives Jackie two more but she drops him throat first across the top rope. The StevieDT is good for the pin and I have no idea why this existed.

Victoria comes in to go after Jackie but Trish makes the save. Jackie wants nothing from Trish and the loser’s music plays for some reason.

Jeff Hardy is honored to be compared to a young HBK but the real version comes in to say he’s not dead. Shawn knows Jeff is going to take a beating tonight and says take advantage of HHH when he gets cocky. Jeff is grateful for the advice and says if Shawn needs help in the ladder match, let him know.

Rob Van Dam vs. Batista

Batista throws him around to start as JR gets in his regular mention of Rob’s offense being “unorthodox”. Choking underneath the ropes ensues until Rob gets in a few kicks to take over. Rolling Thunder gives Van Dam two but Flair grabs Rob’s foot. Cue Kane for the fast DQ.

Kane and Van Dam clean house.

Morely yells at Kane, who doesn’t know who Morely is. The Chief explains things so Kane does a Val Venis impression, earning himself a handicap match with 3 Minute Warning.

Christopher Nowinski/D’Lo Brown vs. Maven/Al Snow

And Brown is just a heel now. The good guys clean house to start with Snow armdragging Brown a few times. Maven comes in for some right hands of his own until Nowinski pulls him down from behind. The slow beatdown begins with the fans saying someone sucks. My guess would be the whole match but I’m too big of a Brown fan to say that. Nowinski gets dropkicked off the top and the hot tag brings in Snow. The trapping headbutts have Brown in trouble until Chris makes the save. The Sky High puts Snow away.

Rating: D. This is as low level of a feud as you can get and despite the pre-match video on the match, I have no idea why these guys are feuding. I don’t know if this is still supposed to hype up Tough Enough but it’s really not interesting. Also, this gets nearly two minutes longer than Batista vs. Van Dam? Is Batista really that incapable of wrestling a longer match?

Booker tries to talk Goldust out of splitting up the team. The plea is enough and they’ll be a team at the pay per view. So they set up and blew off the story in about forty minutes. That might be a record even for Raw. The story is fine but could we get a bit more time to let is set in? At least have the story go on longer than two weeks to let it have some impact.

HHH vs. Jeff Hardy

HHH pulls him off the ropes during the entrances but Jeff gets in the legdrop between the legs. That’s enough trouble for HHH as he takes Hardy outside for some whips into the steps. Back in and a spinebuster sets up a side slam, followed by an over the shoulder backbreaker. Jeff’s comeback consists of a running forearm before two Pedigrees (because HHH can’t just have one of anything) give HHH the pin.

Rating: D. Well it’s not like Jeff is doing anything at this point. You knew they were going to put HHH over someone very hard to make sure you know how awesome he is before Sunday’s title match. Just in case you didn’t realize how completely awesome HHH was you see. Hardy was treated like a jobber here, though to be fair it’s not that far from the truth.

HHH loads up a chair but Shawn comes out for the staredown as we take a break. Back with Flair saying he’d like a word with Shawn. With Shawn holding the title, Flair talks about carrying that very belt around the airports (not quite) but then someone told him that Shawn was the new man.

Then one day Arn Anderson said Shawn was a tough act to follow and Flair had to take a look in the mirror. Ric realized that he wasn’t the best in the world anymore and there was no way around it. As high as Shawn was on the pedestal though, there’s a new man in town. That man’s name is HHH and he’s the best in the world. Shawn needs to concede the fact that he needs to pass the torch. If Shawn tries to keep going, HHH will kill him on the way to taking the most coveted prize in this business. Shawn seems to buy into the idea and walks away as HHH reiterates what Flair just said.

Great stuff here from Flair but there’s no way around the fact that we’re looking at three Shawn vs. HHH matches on Sunday despite no one wanting to see it. The first match was great but their promos haven’t done much since then. Couple that with the fact that I can’t imagine their match is going to validate crushing everyone else in their paths to get there and it’s hard to imagine this is worth all the effort.

The Raw Retro for the week is Mike Tyson debuting and Steve Austin getting in his face. You can hear WCW collapsing from here.

Kane vs. 3 Minute Warning

Rico offers an early distraction so the Samoans can jump Kane from behind. Double headbutts have Kane in trouble and Rosey gets two off a legdrop. The running DDT plants Jamal and Rosey splashes his partner by mistake. The chokeslam puts Jamal down for the pin in less than three minutes. We have four teams and the Samoans are jobbing in a handicap match?

Rico helps with a post match beatdown until Van Dam makes the save. Jamal even eats a Van Terminator.

Stacy is in a rather sexy Santa outfit and debuts the Test blue ball Christmas ornament. Yes, this really is the joke they’re STILL going with. Just in case you didn’t get the idea, Stacy sings a Christmas carol about the testicles roasting over an open fire.

RNN BREAKING NEWS shows Randy Orton at the New York Stock Exchange.

We run down the pay per view card with all four of its announced matches.

Chris Jericho wants to put Trish through a table in their six person tag. Oh and it’s rather large in case you were wondering. Victoria comes up and says she’ll be the one doing that.

Shawn tells Flair that he’ll be waiting for HHH in the parking lot.

Trish Stratus/Dudley Boyz vs. Chris Jericho/Christian/Victoria

Tables match. D-Von hammers Christian into the corner before it’s off to Bubba for the big elbows. Why they’re tagging isn’t clear but I’d assume it’s because they need to fill in some extra time and don’t have any more matches. It’s off to Victoria, who takes What’s Up. Trish hits one on Jericho to make Lawler a bit envious. D-Von brings in the first table but gets knocked off the apron. That’s fine though as Bubba loads up a powerbomb on Victoria….and we take a break?

Back with Bubba in a chinlock and JR apologizing for the abrupt commercial. Victoria comes in to work on Bubba as we see a clip of Jericho breaking up the powerbomb before the commercial. The referee doesn’t see a tag to D-Von, who can’t come in despite, as JR has mentioned more than once, there being no disqualifications. Now the announcers discuss which version of Shawn will show up on Sunday (Shawn Michaels, HBK or the Showstopper).

The Lionsault hits knees and Bubba covers out of instinct as Christian slides in a table. That table is set up in the corner and Jericho bounces off of it as this just keeps going. Bubba dives over for the hot tag to D-Von and house is cleaned in a hurry. Jericho saves Christian from being suplexed through a table but takes 3D for his efforts.

The Dudleys load Victoria up for a powerbomb but Richards comes out for the save, only to have Spike Dudley get rid of him. Christian eats a good looking double flapjack but now Regal and Storm come in to jump Bubba and D-Von. Booker T. and Goldust make it SIX RUN-INS as they go after the champs.

Jericho takes the Stratusphere for some reason and since it’s just a weak hurricanrana, Chris takes Trish’s head off with a clothesline. Booker saves Trish and stops for a Spinarooni but gets dropped by Storm. That earns Lance a 3D and the Dudleys finally help Trish powerbomb Victoria through the table for the win.

Rating: D. Did I mention there isn’t much on this show and they don’t have enough to fill in two hours? This match ran over fifteen minutes with six people running in. The tagging stuff got old in a hurry, especially with JR mentioning more than once that there were no disqualifications. Why he didn’t mention the tags not being necessary isn’t clear but it might have made too much sense.

HHH and Flair head to the parking lot where Shawn hits HHH in the head with a shovel. Flair takes a shot as well (at least wait for the bar) and a trashcan shot knocks HHH into a dumpster. As you might expect, Shawn climbs the highest thing he can find (the production truck) and dives onto HHH for the big crash. Shawn rants about having heart to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Yeah this isn’t working and it’s very, very clear that the red side of Armageddon is a horrible show with EVERYTHING banked on Shawn vs. HHH. I’m not even sure why the Tag Team Title match needs to be a four way when you could easily have two tags to flesh things out a bit. The long matches and bad wrestling didn’t help here but above all else, Raw needs something fresh instead of HHH vs. Shawn again.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 2, 2002
Location: Frank Erwin Center, Austin, Texas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

So HHH is back and I’d assume that’s about all you need to know for this show. That whole week without HHH around to really run the show must have scared the company as he interfered in last week’s World Title match, seemingly setting up another pay per view showdown with Shawn Michaels. I’m as thrilled as you are. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about…..well by George it’s about HHH coming back last week! To be fair it’s not like anything else was treated like it mattered last week.

Opening sequence.

Dudley Boyz vs. 3 Minute Warning

They don’t waste time with the wrestling to start and Rosey gets dropped with a double belly to back. A double crossbody puts Bubba and Rosey down and we get down to Jamal getting knocked back and forth between the Dudleys. Rosey and Bubba chop it out with the latter taking him down into what can best be described as a cross armbreaker. D-Von stays on the arm as this is already more technical than I was expecting.

Rico gets involved for a distraction though and D-Von gets beaten down for a short while. For some reason a DDT stops Rosey but the referee doesn’t see the tag. A neckbreaker puts Rosey down again and now the tag brings Bubba back in. House is cleaned but Rico gets in a kick to the back of the head. Cue Spike for the way too fast save, allowing the brothers to hit What’s Up. After Rico’s interference doesn’t go anywhere, a 3D finishes Rosey.

Rating: C-. Well that happened. Really I’m not sure what else there is to say about the match as it just came and went. It’s good to have the Dudleys back but it’s very clear that there’s nothing to the division at this point and if 3 Minute Warning is the best they have, they’re in big trouble.

We come back from a break with all three Dudleys down, thanks to an off-camera attack at the hands of Chris Jericho and Christian and 3 Minute Warning. D-Von was put in the Walls for a Conchairto and Bubba was beaten down as well while Spike was already carried out. As much as I’d like to have seen it happen, I can greatly appreciate the idea of having stuff seem more realistic instead of having it so rigidly attached to the schedule.

Sean Morely tells Eric Bischoff that he’s got this covered. Oh and call him Chief Morely. HHH to come in to say that he wrestled for thirty minutes in the Elimination Chamber but now he has to beat Rob Van Dam to become #1 contender. Bischoff doesn’t want to hear it and demands great TV. Morely suggests a guest referee to be announced, likely as Shawn Michaels, so HHH can overcome even more odds.

We look at the Dudleys’ beatdown again.

Trish Stratus vs. Ivory

They hit the mat to start before trading arm cranks. Ivory gets two off a rollup as this isn’t exactly thrilling so far. We hit the chinlock with Ivory pulling on Trish’s face until she fights up for a neckbreaker. The Chick Kick gets two as the announcers debate who the guest referee is going to be. Trish hits a very assisted Stratusfaction for the pin.

Rating: D. I know Trish would get much better in the coming years but she really wasn’t able to lift anything up the ladder at this point. It doesn’t help that Ivory is someone who has been the same performer for years and isn’t going to have a memorable match no matter what she does. They really need to bring in some exciting talent if they want this division to work as Trish vs. Victoria is only going to take them so far.

Speaking of dull women, Jackie yells at Victoria for going through her bag and a match is made. She doesn’t even mind if it’s not for the title, because why would she want that? Jackie beats her up because it’s Texas and that means Jackie is all tough and awesome.

Jericho and Christian threaten violence against anyone who disrespect them. Christopher Nowinski instantly sucks up to them like the worm that he is. Of note: the champs’ bags are chained to their lockers.

Jeff Hardy/Tommy Dreamer vs. Lance Storm/William Regal

This is the result of Regal dislocating Dreamer’s jaw a few weeks back. They start fighting in the aisle with Jeff running around the ring to take both evil foreigners down. Dreamer grabs a half crab on Storm to start and gets his jaw broken again for the gimmick infringement. Regal comes in for a knee to the jaw as there’s certainly a target so far. A front facelock allows Dreamer to get over for the tag to Jeff, which the referee naturally misses. With the referee dealing with Jeff, Regal gets a buckle pad off and Dreamer goes face first into the steal for the easy pin.

Rating: D. Jeff and Dreamer are a really lame low level team and having them waste Regal and Storm’s time isn’t that interesting. Then again, it’s certainly better than the stupid hardcore feud with Nowinski. You really can tell that Jeff doesn’t have any fire in him at the moment but at least he wasn’t out there long enough to horribly botch anything.

Ric Flair talks about Batista’s rough upbringing but Batista doesn’t want to go into it. Flair doesn’t seem to mind and brings up Batista bouncing from foster home to foster home. Now Batista gets to use the anger in the ring.

Batista vs. Hurricane

Spinebuster and Batista Bomb are good for the pin in under a minute. Sounds like Flair has a future as a teacher.

Kane comes out for the save because they were partners for like two weeks.

Shawn and Van Dam go face to face about how horrible HHH is. Bischoff comes in to officially make Shawn guest referee. That was ever in doubt? If Shawn doesn’t play it fair, he loses the title.

Booker T. vs. Chris Jericho

Before the match, Booker makes jokes about Jericho being left without his clothes last week and makes jokes about size. Jericho throws some chops to start and dropkicks Booker out to the floor. The top rope back elbow to the jaw gets two and it’s already off to the chinlock. After a little dance (you always need a little dance), Booker catches him on top for a big crashing superplex.

A missile dropkick gives Booker two and Jericho gets catapulted into the corner for good measure. Christian and Goldust run in but quickly cancel each other out, leaving Booker to hit the ax kick. And never mind as Chief Morely comes out and makes this a tag match, minus any sort of Teddy Long’s charisma.

Rating: C+. The match was just there to fill time before the ending but it’s always helpful to have people this talented in the ring. Even if they have nothing to do and are only having a simple match, they’re going to do it well enough that it’s something you can watch without getting bored. I mean, it’s not good enough to have them get the World Title or anything but that’s just crazy talk.

Tag Team Titles: Christian/Chris Jericho vs. Booker T./Goldust

Christian and Jericho are defending and this is joined in progress with Christian in early trouble. It’s off to Booker to hammer away on Jericho until the champs get in a cheap shot to take over. Jericho’s running crotch shot to the back sets up more dancing but Christian’s attempt earns himself a crotching.

Goldust comes in to clean house and gets two off a rollup for very hot reaction. Booker’s snap spinebuster gets two and he ducks Christian’s belt shot. The Book End gives Booker two more with Christian pulling the referee out. Now the belt shot works and Jericho adds the Lionsault for the pin to retain because the Texas guys have to job in their home state.

Rating: C+. Another solid outing here with all four working hard before the annoying ending that follows the WWE formula of humiliating the hometown favorites. I guess it’s a good sign that Goldust didn’t lose in his hometown and it’s not like Booker has much more momentum to lose, even if the fans seem to love him. They really need to change the titles soon though as Goldust and Booker have been primed up for months now.

This week’s Raw Retro is Austin with the cement truck destroying Vince’s Corvette.

F-View shows us Test and Stacy making out on a couch, only to have her stop for the sake of a marketing idea.

Jackie vs. Victoria

Non-title. Victoria shoves her down to start and stomps a lot as the announcers make sure to talk about how tough Jackie is. Jackie gets in a hurricanrana for two but charges into a boot in the corner. The slingshot legdrop gets two but the Widow’s Peak is countered with a backdrop. Jackie’s spinning kick to the head gives her the clean pin and WOO TEXAS! I mean, Dallas and Austin are totally the same thing. They’re only two hours apart and if you can have someone the fans don’t care about win a non-title match it’s completely the same as the popular team losing a title match right?

Steven Richards comes in to check on Victoria. They’re still in the ring post match with Victoria demanding that Jackie come back out here. Instead it’s Scott Steiner for some rhyming before destroying Steven. Cue a very smiling Bischoff to offer Steiner a contract pitch. The pitch is in the back though, where Bischoff has eight women waiting for him. Steiner says he already has a super freak tonight and opens his limo to reveal…..Stephanie McMahon in a short skirt and low cut top. She has things to offer Steiner that Bischoff can’t. So to sum this up: Stephanie is now hotter than eight good looking women combined.

We go to the World for RNN Breaking News…..but we have breaking news in the arena, where HHH and Flair are looking for Shawn, who is in a referee shirt. Shawn is going to DQ HHH for any broken rule, which is totally going to happen because we’re certainly NOT guaranteed to see HHH vs. Shawn for the title again.

HHH vs. Rob Van Dam

The winner gets Shawn, the guest referee here, at the pay per view. Actually hang on as Shawn needs to eject Flair before we get going. HHH isn’t allowed to throw a closed fist so Rob springboard kicks him down for two. A slingshot dive drops HHH and there’s the spinning kick to the back. Rob kicks him in the face for two more, followed by a small package for a fast counted near fall. HHH gets caught in a sleeper with Shawn sitting in front of the ropes for a nice touch.

Back up and Shawn gets bumped and since he’s a referee here instead of a wrestler, a single clothesline keeps him down for a good twenty seconds. Shawn gets up to pull a chair away from HHH so Rob kicks him down by mistake. Rolling Thunder hits HHH but a chair shot knocks Rob silly for the slow counted pin.

Rating: D. Not only was it short and not very good but this felt like something Austin would have done in his day. His only support is sent outside, he has a guest referee that can’t stand him and he can’t use a right hand. The only cheating HHH did was swinging a chair after Rob hit the referee by mistake. I know HHH is amazing and the best thing ever (save for Stephanie) but this made him look like a face instead of the top heel.

They fight post match and Shawn gets in a superkick to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Between the two really bad women’s matches, the HHH/Stephanie worship and Booker/Goldust losing in Texas in a title match they should have won months ago, this was a really bad show. The Tag Team Title match was fine until the end but the rest of the show was the standard problem this era has: bad wrestling, uninteresting storytelling and pushing people who are only there because WWE has decided they’re the best things in the world.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/03/24/kbs-history-of-nxt-volumes-1-and-2-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 18, 2002
Location: Webster Bank Arena, Bridgeport, Connecticut
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re past Survivor Series and that means Shawn Michaels gets to keep HHH’s World Title warm for the next few weeks. That’s really all that matters from the Raw side as the show was almost all about the Elimination Chamber, which makes sense for the most part. We’re less than four weeks away from the next pay per view so let’s get to it.

Eric Bischoff is in the parking lot waiting on someone unnamed but gets Ric Flair instead. There’s no HHH but Bischoff has him in a #1 contenders match tonight so he better be here soon. Flair gets in Bischoff’s face, talking about how HHH had a crushed trachea last night but kept fighting anyway. Ric thinks Bischoff only cares about the show so Eric gives him a match against Kane. That doesn’t seem to bother Ric because he’ll show Kane how it used to be done.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Shawn to get things going. After declaring himself the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, he talks about not being able to believe this is real. Last night he accomplished his goal of becoming the NEW World Heavyweight Champion but now he’s not sure what to do. Does he want to be someone who keeps going way after his prime or be someone who knows when to hang it up?

Walking away now would be the smart, logical thing but he’s never been the most logical guy. He’d love to come out here and see what he can do against all that young talent in the back so let’s just see what this old, beat up body has left in it. Cue Rob Van Dam to talk about what an inspiration Shawn was when Rob was growing up. If Shawn wants to meet some new faces, how about his first title defense is against Rob Van Dam? Shawn sounds ready to accept but here’s Bischoff to cut them off.

If Van Dam wants to be the #1 contender, he can win a triple threat match also involving Booker T. and Chris Jericho for a shot at the title next week. That sounds fine but Shawn has a bone to pick with Eric. He’s not going to represent a show that features necrophilia because it offends him as a wrestling fan. That’s about it on that subject so Shawn gets in one more shot at HHH before wrapping things up.

We’re coming up on the 10^th anniversary of Monday Night Raw so here’s a look at the first episode.

3 Minute Warning/Rico vs. Dudley Boyz

D-Von is back on the team, thank goodness. Bubba hammers on Rico to start but a little heel distraction lets Jamal deck Bubba from behind. That’s not enough for Rico to hit a (great looking) moonsault though and Bubba drops him with a clothesline. D-Von comes in to almost no reaction and starts to clean house with Rosey being sent outside. What’s Up hits Rico low but Jamal actually hits a dropkick. Spike gets kicked to the floor, leaving Rico to take 3D for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was basically “hey the Dudleys are back” and there’s nothing wrong with that. The team really needed to be put back together after the pretty horrible face runs (though I’ll miss Reverend D-Von’s music) so let them go back to something you know will work. It’s not like the tag division is overflowing with talent or anything.

Stacy makes testicle jokes and is going to unveil Test’s new shirt tonight.

HHH is on the way.

Recap of the Chamber.

Scott Steiner, who seems to be the person Bischoff was waiting for earlier, arrives to Bischoff’s delight. Steiner still hasn’t signed yet.

Here’s Stacy with a bunch of lame testicles shirts, which are just puns in white text on a black shirt. She puts them in a t-shirt gun and launches some into the crowd until Steven Richards comes out to interrupt. He complains about this being stupid and takes a shirt to the groin. Crazy Victoria comes out and bites Victoria’s nails off before leaving with Steven.

Post break Stacy freaks out so Eric gives her a title match against Victoria.

Lance Storm/William Regal vs. Tommy Dreamer/Jeff Hardy

The brawl starts in the aisle for no apparent reason and it’s the evil foreigners taking over on Dreamer. Jeff dives off the apron to take Regal down but William kicks Dreamer in the head to give Lance the pin.

Dreamer gets beaten down post match with Storm doing Raven’s drop toehold onto a chair.

We look back at Steiner beating up Matt Hardy and Christopher Nowinski at Survivor Series.

Here’s Steiner for presumably his big signing announcement. Steiner talks about only caring for his freaks and his peaks before saying he’s been watching both shows a lot lately. People have been talking about being the best of all time but the best of all time is standing right here. Cue Chris Jericho to say he’s the King of the World so Steiner needs to shush. If you want to talk bodies, look at this gorgeous piece of meat. A brawl is teased but Jericho declines because he has a #1 contenders match later. Scott says he’ll stick around. Having Steiner not wrestle is probably the best for everyone at the moment.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Stacy Keibler

Stacy is challenging. Victoria chokes her a lot, Stacy does her horrible looking leg based offense and the Widow’s Peak retains the title in just over a minute.

Victoria stays on her but Trish Stratus comes out for the save. Richards comes out and lays Trish out.

Hurricane talks about his song to promote the Anthology CD set. I loved that thing.

Maven is at the World.

Al Snow vs. Christopher Nowinski

Nowinski is in a suit with a backpack and this is a “School of Hard Knocks” match because WE DON’T DO HARDCORE ANYMORE. Snow hits him with a small blackboard and knocks Chris into the crowd. That means it’s time for the bowling ball but Nowinski gets in a spinebuster before anything can be done. More weapons, including a freaking skeleton, are brought in with Chris talking to the skull. Snow hits him in the ribs with a femur before switching over to a chair. We get the bowling ball to the crotch spot as Chris is bleeding from the mouth. The moonsault only hits a pile of chairs though and Chris gets the easy pin.

Rating: F. It’s not funny, it’s nothing we haven’t seen a hundred times before, Nowinski isn’t getting anywhere out of this and the whole thing is just a major waste of time. Just do the Hardcore Title again if it’s that important to you. Either that or put Nowinski in a tag team or something else where he’s not on his own because this is a bunch of stupid stuff week after week.

Val Venis doesn’t want to be known by that name anymore and now works for Bischoff.

Kane vs. Ric Flair

Ric is in a suit but says he’s not going to fight. Cue Batista to lay Kane out instead.

Jericho can’t get Christian to help him tonight.

Booker T. vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kane

The winner gets Shawn next week. Before the match, Booker isn’t cool with not being mentioned as a potential title contender. JR says that the research staff says Shawn hasn’t wrestled on Raw since October 1997. The internet research staff (and a decent knowledge of Raw) says WWE needs a new research staff. Jericho gets double teamed to start but, as usual, the double teamers argue over who gets to go for the cover.

Rob’s standing moonsault gets two as the announcers keep bringing up the fact that there are no disqualifications. Jericho hits Booker in the head with the Tag Team Title for two but Rob gives him the monkey flip out of the corner. Van Dam is sent outside so Booker pops back up for some chops and a Walls of Jericho on Chris. In case you didn’t get the idea, Van Dam makes the save and gives Booker an ax kick, only to have Jericho add a Five Star (good one too) on Rob.

Booker kicks Jericho down but gets dropkicked down by Van Dam. The snap spinebuster gets two on Jericho, only to have Christian come out and chair Booker in the back. Jericho grabs the Walls but here’s Steiner for the save. The beatdown ensues and Rob adds the Five Star for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: B-. Good match here, or at least it was until we had to get two people interfering. This felt like three guys trying to get their heat back, which they certainly have to do after everything has been shifted to HHH vs. Shawn. It’s also nice to see a good match get some time, though it might be that the match was good because it got time. Sometimes it’s hard to tell which it actually is.

Shawn comes out to shake Rob’s hand to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Bad show with some good highlights, which means it’s a big upgrade over most of what we see from Raw anymore. The main difference is the lack of HHH (who they said was coming here tonight and was then never mentioned again), who really does drag down almost everything that happens on this show. While Shawn doesn’t even wrestle, it already feels like a breath of fresh air, which is one of the best things that could have happened to the show at the moment.

Now, that being said, Stacy was a major focal point on this show and that’s not a good thing. Other than the World Title situation, Stacy being destroyed by crazy Victoria was the biggest thing on this show. The lack of a midcard title is really hurting this show as there’s the World Title, the meaningless Tag Team Titles (because there are all of three teams on the roster) and then it’s a bunch of nothing stories that are there to give people something to do without putting much effort into them.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/03/24/kbs-history-of-nxt-volumes-1-and-2-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

For those of you who have read my old reviews of this show, you might remember that the main event has sent me into various rantings and ravings over the years. It might have ticked me off more than any match ever at one point, though it’s since been topped multiple times. I’m kind of curious to see how I react to it this time around so let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on Big Show vs. Lesnar, which is built around the idea that Lesnar is banged up and can’t throw Big Show around like he can with everyone else. The Elimination Chamber actually takes second billing here.

Dudley Boyz/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Elimination tables match and that would still be Bubba and Spike. The villains are quickly sent outside with Spike being thrown at the Samoans. He’s easily caught and 3 Minute Warning is nice enough to stand there while Bubba drops down for Poetry in Motion from Jeff. Back in and Jamal takes a hurricanrana out of the corner, followed by Jeff playing D-Von in What’s Up.

The first table is set up in the corner and Jeff is backdropped over the top for one heck of a crash. Rosey drives himself through a table (not an elimination) but stands up, allowing Jeff to hit a high crossbody….which just bounces off the big man. The Dudley Dog is countered and Spike is tossed through a table for the first elimination. Bubba and Jeff fight back but can’t get around the monsters.

Rosey takes Jeff outside and loads up a table but Bubba makes the save. A few forearms to the back allow Jeff to climb onto an exit tunnel for the Swanton to get rid of Rosey. Back in and Rico loads Bubba onto a table before setting up a moonsault. In a fairly infamous moment, there’s no Jeff to make the save so Rico stands there for about ten seconds and even Bubba can be seen looking around for Jeff. Rico very clearly shouts “COME ON JEFF” before Hardy crotches him for the save.

Jamal moves the table so Rico only has to take a regular belly to back superplex. That’s so much better you see. Jeff takes Jamal to the floor and tries to run the barricade (as in he climbs onto it and then runs instead of a running jump and then running across) but falls anyway, sending himself head first through a table. That would be twice in a week that he’s blown that spot and for some reason I don’t picture him being punished anytime soon. Thankfully Jamal hits one heck of a top rope splash to put Jeff through a table to get us down to 2-1.

Ever the genius, Jamal tries a hurricanrana with a table right behind him. After the most obvious powerbomb this side of an Undertaker match, we’re down to Bubba vs. Rico. 3 Minute Warning comes back in to beat on Bubba but D-Von comes out to FINALLY reunite with his brother to one heck of a reaction. A quick 3D puts Rico through a table for the win.

Rating: C+. They really didn’t have another option here as the Dudleys belong together. It would take about twelve years before Bubba was able to strike out on his own and even that only kind of worked. The tag division is dying for some better talent and while not the freshest thing in the world, the Dudleys are certainly better than most other options.

The rest of the match was entertaining but my goodness Jeff was embarrassing out there. He can barely do any of his signature stuff without messing something up anymore and yet he’s still out there every single week doing the same spots over and over. Get him some help already before this becomes an even bigger problem than it already is.

Stacy Keibler introduces Saliva to perform Always live at the World. At least we get some highlights for the show as a bonus.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Kidman is challenging after defeating Noble twice in the last two weeks. Noble tries a rollup for the fast pin before stomping Kidman down to really take over. A neckbreaker sets up a bow and arrow as Nidia is her usual VERY excited self. Jamie dives into a dropkick as the announcers talk about the tables match. A Hoshi Geroshi (or however you spell the fireman’s carry into a backbreaker) gets two on the champ, followed by a good looking placha to the floor.

Back in and Noble reverses a backslide into the tiger bomb for two but makes the mistake of putting Kidman on the top. A good looking super DDT plants Noble but since DDTs mean nothing, Jamie is right back up for a hanging DDT off the top for his own near fall. An enziguri drops Noble again and, after a failed Nidia distraction, the shooting star gives us a new champion.

Rating: C+. Some selling issues aside, this was a good, back and forth match with both guys looking strong. The problem is the division has fallen into the same pattern it always has: the champion and one challenger comprise the entire thing and that doesn’t exactly have staying power. The match was good though and Kidman winning the title is fine.

Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit get into it again but Angle insists that they’re amigos. Another long form hug ensues.

Victoria is getting ready but apparently her mirror thinks Trish Stratus is prettier.

We recap Victoria vs. Trish. Victoria claims that Trish slept her way into a job after WWE wanted to sign both of them. Now Victoria is here to get revenge on her former friend. The music sounds like the shower scene from Psycho for a nice touch.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

Trish is defending and this is a hardcore match. Victoria wastes no time and puller her down by the coat before grabbing a broom. JR asks if she’s going to fly it and suggests Victoria is un-Divaesque. That’s probably an unintentional compliment. A trashcan lid gets knocked into the champ’s face and Victoria sends her into the steps. Victoria sets up a trashcan in the corner (with the hole facing the ring), only to have Trish catapult her hands first into said can (that looked horrible and no camera edit was going to save it).

A kick to the head gives Trish two and one heck of a trashcan lid shot knocks Victoria (and her bloody nose) to the floor. The Chick Kick gets two and a HORRIBLE bulldog out of the corner (Victoria’s head hit Trish’s ribs) is good for the same. Victoria blinds her with a fire extinguisher though and a snap suplex of all things gives us a new champion.

Rating: B-. Botches aside, this is a situation where the energy carries the match. They were beating the heck out of each other and you could feel the intensity. The botches and the ending really hold it down but it’s still one of the best women’s matches you’ll see around this time. I know there are still some major issues with the women of this era but this was miles ahead of most things you would see from them at this time.

Eric Bischoff is bragging about the Chamber when Big Show comes up. He’s going to prove Eric wrong for trading him.

Paul Heyman is nervous but says Brock needs to put it all behind him. Tonight they’re in MSG and Heyman is going to do whatever it takes to make sure his client leaves as champion.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending and the fans are entirely behind him. Brock gets right in his face but gets tossed into the corner. That earns show a double leg takedown and there’s a belly to back suplex on Show. A German suplex follows and Heyman looks nervous. The ref gets bumped but Lesnar belly to bellies Show anyway. Heyman slides in a chair and Brock cracks Show in the head with it, setting up the F5. Another referee comes down but Heyman pulls him out at two. Reality sets in as the chase is on but Show chairs Lesnar in the bad ribs. A chokeslam onto the chair gives Lesnar his first pinfall loss.

Rating: C-. They did everything they could here and thankfully it was really short. Aside from the obvious, I still have a major problem with the story: why did Heyman go through with the screwjob? Lesnar proved him wrong by suplexing and F5ing Big Show but Heyman turned on him anyway. Wouldn’t it make more sense to stick with the more dominant force when you still have Lesnar to protect you? I’d assume it’s because of Heyman and Lesnar’s issues but Heyman has been able to talk Lesnar down before. It’s far from the worst stretch ever but I’m still not sure it makes the most sense.

Heyman and Show run to the parking lot and drive away.

We recap the Smackdown Tag Team Title match. All three teams have traded the titles for over a month now with one classic match after another. The only possible option was a triple threat match and Stephanie McMahon has made it an elimination match for even more fun. This is the real Smackdown main event and they’ve certainly earned that honor with everything they’ve done so far.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle vs. Los Guerreros vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Edge and Mysterio are defending and Angle/Benoit still can’t get along. Benoit and Mysterio start things off with Chris going head first into the buckle. Edge, in some shiny tights, comes in to drop Angle with a forearm. It’s back to Rey for a springboard splash on Chavo as they’re tagging very quickly here. Eddie comes in to a very noticeable pop and keeps Rey in trouble with some forearms to the back.

The fast tags continue as Angle comes in and goes shoulder first into the post. He’s still able to knock Rey off the top though and the champs stay in trouble. Benoit stays on Mysterio with some rapid fire suplexes as Los Guerreros are (wisely) content with staying on the floor. The Angle Slam doesn’t work so Kurt clotheslines Rey’s head off for two instead. We hit a long front facelock until Rey fights up for a spinwheel kick to the jaw. That’s enough for the hot tag to Edge as everything breaks down.

Rey hurricanranas Eddie to the floor, leaving Edge to get caught in an ankle lock/Crossface combination. Somehow he doesn’t tap out immediately so it’s Rey making the save, followed by a running corkscrew dive onto Chavo and Angle. Benoit grabs the German suplex on Edge, only to have Eddie come in off the top with a sunset flip to send both guys flying. Everyone gets up so Benoit sends Eddie outside, followed by the rolling German suplexes on Edge. Those things always look great.

Eddie gives Edge the frog splash but Benoit breaks it up with a Swan Dive for no apparent reason. Angle comes back in with the ankle lock on Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge, only to have Chavo save Edge with the title. Kurt picks up the title so Benoit thinks it was him, leaving Edge to spear Benoit for the first elimination. That leaves us with two but Benoit and Angle wreck everyone before heading to the back. What poor sportsmanship.

We settle down to Eddie grabbing a sleeper on Edge, followed by a front facelock in case that’s too intense for you. Edge flapjacks both Guerreros and brings Rey back in as this isn’t exactly the break neck pace you would expect. Everything breaks down again and the pop up hurricanrana gets two on Eddie. That would look to set up the West Coast Pop but Chavo gets in a belt shot, knocking Rey into the Lasso From El Paso for the submission and the titles.

Rating: B. This wasn’t as good as I remember but I think that’s because I just recently watched all the TV matches, which were almost all better. This had too much to live up to and there’s only so much you can do when you’re asked to go out and have a masterpiece. The belt shots didn’t do much to help either as they’re hardly anything interesting and you expect more from these guys.

It’s still a good match and the best thing on the show by far though and it deserves a bit more than just criticism. Some of the sequences were excellent and showed some creativity, along with Benoit and Angle suplexing everything in sight. If this was one of the matches that took place on TV, it would be considered a classic. Some more time would have helped as well.

Here’s Christopher Nowinski to say he’s smarter than the rest of the crowd. After some lame New York Yankees jokes, Matt Hardy (who keeps the temperature at a toasty 75 degrees and only drinks low fat chocolate milk) comes out to say this place is sucking the Mattitude out of him. The payoff is Scott Steiner, who shows up and destroys both guys because we haven’t seen Matt get beaten up recently.

Shawn Michaels is ready to talk about why he believes he can win but RNN BREAKING NEWS tells us that Randy came here to watch. Luckily a sexy flight attendant gave him an extra pillow so there was no further damage to his shoulder.

Long video on the Elimination Chamber which doesn’t really tell us anything. Granted that’s because there isn’t a story here. Basically Bischoff wanted to top Stephanie’s pay per view and invented the Chamber. They’ve made no secret of the fact that this is ALL about HHH vs. Shawn Michaels.

HHH says he’s gone through everyone so he’ll go through everyone tonight too.

Bischoff comes out to walk through the Chamber and explain the rules. This time really couldn’t have gone to the Tag Team Title match? Just put it on a graphic or something…..which they do while Bischoff is still talking.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Booker T. vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Rob Van Dam

HHH is defending. Saliva, at the World, plays Jericho’s music for a cool bit. As the entrances go on forever, it occurs to me how much Shawn’s hair looks like AJ Styles’ soccer mom look. HHH and Van Dam start things off with Rob going straight to the kicks. A backdrop puts HHH onto the steel floor and he hits the cage wall three times in a row. The champ is busted open and Van Dam monkey flips him onto the cage again.

Rolling Thunder over the top makes things even worse as it’s all Van Dam so far. Rob climbs up on top of Jericho’s chamber and gets his legs pulled down into it. Somehow that’s still not enough for HHH to do anything as Rob flips down onto HHH. See? He’s giving Van Dam a rub right now!

Jericho is in third but gets kicked down almost immediately as Rob stays on a roll. In your first ever Chamber highlight reel moment, Jericho catapults Van Dam at the cage wall and Rob just hangs onto it instead of crashing. HHH gets back up and knees Van Dam in the head, meaning it’s time for the double teaming to begin. Rob kicks them both down again and it’s Booker T in fourth to even things up, despite Van Dam doing just fine on his own.

Jericho and HHH are sent to the floor so we can get a Spinarooni, followed by a slugout with Van Dam. The good guys clean house again and it’s HHH getting knocked down, allowing Rob to climb an individual chamber. That means a Five Star, with his knee going right into HHH’s throat which put him out of action for a few weeks. Van Dam seems to have hurt his knee as well, allowing Booker to eliminate him with a missile dropkick. HHH can barely move so here’s Kane to get us back to four.

Jericho is launched through the bulletproof (yes bulletproof) glass to draw some more blood. Chris is fine enough to hit Booker low, followed by a chokeslam and the Lionsault to get rid of Booker. Now that the two guys who have been more over than the entire roster for the last three months are gone, let’s get on with the REAL entertainment.

Jericho and Kane slowly fight until HHH is slammed off the top. Shawn, looking like he’s wrestled one match in four and a half years and in hideous brown tights for some reason, comes in and gets to clean house for a bit. Kane chokeslams everyone but eats a superkick, Pedigree and Lionsault to get us down to three. Jericho and HHH team up on Shawn with HHH rubbing his head against the steel to bust Shawn open. A ram into the wall gives Shawn an opening and he forearms HHH, only to get bulldogged down.

The Lionsault gets two and Jericho is so frustrated that he gets caught in the Walls. HHH makes the save with a DDT but gets in a fight with Jericho over who can pin Shawn. Jericho grabs the Walls on HHH but gets superkicked for the elimination. As anyone paying attention expected, we’re down to HHH vs. Shawn with a spinebuster going straight for the bad back.

Shawn gets thrown through the glass as we really crank up the emotions. The slow beating continues with Shawn being thrown outside again, only to catapult HHH into the wall. Shawn’s top rope elbow gets no cover and HHH grabs the Pedigree for a delayed two. Another Pedigree attempt is countered and Sweet Chin Music gives Shawn the pin and the title.

Rating: B. I’m still not sure what to think of this match. Above all else, it’s long, far longer than it needed to be. The Chamber itself did help and was interesting to see but they need to tweak things a bit (lower the time to four minutes or so). It’s still good but there’s the other problem that it’s kind of hard to overcome: the whole thing felt like a big waste of time until we got to the ending.

That ending of course is Shawn vs. HHH and they might as well have just put up a big clock counting down until we got there. No one else mattered in this match and WWE did nothing to hide it. That makes for an ending similar to Wrestlemania XXXII with Roman Reigns vs. HHH: there’s no drama and it makes for a boring match because you’re just waiting to get to the part that matters.

While I still have issues about guys like Booker, Kane, Van Dam and Jericho being treated as second class citizens so HHH and Shawn can do it one more time (as in the second one more time), it’s not as bad as it once was. After watching the TV shows building up to this, it’s not like this was exactly shocking and the four of them were hardly made to look like real threats to take the title. That doesn’t make it any better but it does make things a bit easier to take.

Overall Rating: C+. This show is pretty much all over the place with good action (there really isn’t a bad match on the card) but sweet goodness some of the choices make your head spin. We really are watching a show in 2002 where Big Show and Shawn Michaels walked out with the World Titles. On top of that we had a less than mind blowing Tag Team Title match which was probably the highlight.

The big problem is that aside from the Chamber itself debuting, there really isn’t anything on here that feels big. Big Show winning was more groan inducing than anything else and Shawn winning felt like we were seeing the inevitable, though the celebration felt big. There’s nothing on here that’s going to really stick with you and that’s not good as the show is worth seeing for the action alone. Overall it’s good but really not remarkable, which is kind of an odd way to compliment a show.

 

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boyz/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Original: B

2012 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: C+

Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Original: C+

2012 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: C+

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Original: C-

2012 Redo: B

2017 Redo: B-

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D-

2012 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C-

Los Guerreros vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Original: B

2012 Redo: B+

2017 Redo: B

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2012 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2012 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: C+

I must have been in a REALLY bad mood when I watched the main event for the second time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/02/20/survivor-series-2002-the-longest-rant-about-anything-ive-ever-done/

And the 2012 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/11/10/survivor-series-count-up-2002/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/03/24/kbs-history-of-nxt-volumes-1-and-2-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Super Tuesday
Date: November 12, 2002
Location: FleetCenter, Boston, Massachusetts/Verizon Wireless Arena, Manchester, New Hampshire
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

This is a one off special that aired on UPN as a way to help hype up Survivor Series. Each show taped a bonus match so we have something from both sides, though odds are neither of them are going to be anything worth watching. As unimportant as these things are, there’s nothing wrong with some bonus wrestling. Let’s get to it.

The opening sequence is a fairly catchy mix of Beautiful People and Across the Nation.

Stephanie McMahon makes her big Survivor Series announcement: the Tag Team Title match is now a triple threat with Edge/Rey Mysterio defending against Los Guerreros and Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit. She’ll hang onto the titles tonight, which is code for “this was taped before Edge and Mysterio won but airing after.”

Edge vs. Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

Ever the smart one, Eddie hides on the floor while Benoit stomps Edge down in the corner. Edge gets in a belly to back suplex for two on Benoit, drawing Eddie in for the save. All three are in the ring for the first time with Edge beating both of them down until Eddie gets in a shot from behind to take over again.

We take a break and come back with Benoit working over both guys, only to have Edge score with a double missile dropkick. Eddie misses the Frog splash and gets taken down by the half nelson faceplant, only to have Benoit Crossface Edge. That’s not enough for Benoit so he grabs the same thing on Eddie with Edge making the save.

A spear gets two on Benoit but here’s Chavo for a distraction, leading to a ref bump. Cue Rey to take Chavo out as Benoit Crossfaces Eddie for the unseen tap. Angle runs out and throws the referee in, breaking up the hold by mistake. Benoit yells at Angle and gets rolled up as Eddie steals the pin.

Rating: B-. Good but nowhere near as good of a match as you would expect from these guys. They’re all very talented but they’re a step higher up with their partners and there’s nothing wrong with that. Guerrero winning is a good idea as he and Chavo are the only ones who haven’t won the titles yet.

Long video on Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar.

Here’s Big Show for a chat. He talks about hurting people and promises to win the title. Show wasn’t even in the ring for 70 seconds.

Video on the Elimination Chamber, the same one from Raw.

It’s time for a bikini contest between Torrie Wilson and Trish Stratus. Trish is in black, Torrie is in skin colored and Nidia is in the ring to interfere before the crowd has to win (Torrie’s cheer was louder).

Time for the Raw half, starting with the Shawn vs. HHH video from Monday. Just like Monday, the other four people in the Chamber aren’t even mentioned.

Shawn doesn’t know who is winning on Sunday but knows it won’t be HHH.

HHH/Chris Jericho/Christian/3 Minute Warning vs. Booker T./Kane/Rob Van Dam/Bubba Ray Dudley/Jeff Hardy

Thankfully a commercial eats up a lot of the entrances. Jeff and Jamal get things going with Hardy being tossed around like he’s a small guy being tossed into the air by a large Samoan. Christian and Bubba come in with the Canadian taking a hard pounding in the corner. That means it’s back to Jamal vs. Van Dam as they’re certainly not wasting time here.

Rob dropkicks him down but HHH pulls Van Dam into the corner as the heels take over for the first time. Jericho gets in a few stomps but misses a dropkick, allowing the hot tag to Kane so house can be cleaned. Kane destroys everyone, leaving seven or eight people to fight on the floor.

Chris gets the Walls on Van Dam but Booker makes the save with a superkick. That triggers the parade of finishers with Kane chokeslamming HHH but Christian makes a save. Van Dam dives onto a bunch of people, leaving Flair to hit Kane in the back with a chair. The Pedigree puts the monster away because HHH hasn’t gotten rid of him yet.

Rating: D. This was dragged down due to the amount of people involved and there’s not much of a way to fit ten people into less than nine minutes. Oh but rest assured there’s ALWAYS time for HHH to pin someone. We didn’t really have another choice either as Kane isn’t Shawn and therefore there’s no reason to have him win because he doesn’t have a chance on Sunday.

Overall Rating: D+. Pretty big waste of time here with the main event being more insulting than anything else. The opener was fine and the women looked great but anything on here could have been done on TV. It wasn’t so much bad as much as it was completely unnecessary, which is often worse. At least it was short though and you could fast forward through a lot of the recap videos.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/03/24/kbs-history-of-nxt-volumes-1-and-2-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 11, 2002
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Survivor Series 2002 and that means we’re in for a lot of talking about the Elimination Chamber. Why do I have a feeling that means we get to hear about HHH being amazing and being able to overcome the odds? I know the others are just window dressing around the HHH vs. Shawn match but would at least giving us a reason to believe something is possible be that much to ask? Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

HHH vs. Booker T. later tonight and Shawn is here as well.

Tag Team Titles: Rob Van Dam/Kane vs. Chris Jericho/Christian

Christian and Jericho, coming out to Saliva’s King of the World here, are defending. Van Dam and Jericho run the ropes to start with Rob scoring off a kick to the jaw and the standing moonsault. Kane comes in to a very nice pop and punches Jericho out of the air. Everything breaks down in a hurry with Kane chokeslamming Jericho but the referee is distracted, allowing Christian to get in a low blow. Can we please get a referee who isn’t a complete screwup for once? It’s amazing how only one or two ever have been able to get this stuff right.

Christian works Kane over for a bit until it’s off to Van Dam without too much trouble. Rolling Thunder gets two on Christian but Jericho offers a distraction, allowing Christian to shove Van Dam to the floor. Things settle back down with Jericho getting two off a belly to back and grabbing a chinlock. Jericho stops to dance and actually hits his running crotch attack to the back of the neck.

The champs try some double teaming with Van Dam clotheslining Christian, allowing the hot tag to Kane. Everything breaks down again and the top rope clothesline misses. The Canadians suplex Kane down but he pops up for a chokeslam on Christian. Jericho is right back up for a belt shot to the mask, leaving Van Dam to Five Star Christian for no cover. Kane rolls onto Christian but Jericho hits him with a chair for the DQ.

Rating: B-. This was getting really good near the end with the cheap ending to save everyone. Jericho attacking Kane before Sunday made sense but the Tag Team Title situation is still kind of a mess. Christian and Jericho are probably the best option they have but it would be nice to have some regular teams instead of just throwing people together for a change.

Jericho wears Kane out with the chair.

Post break, Jericho says he’s winning the match no matter what. Christian says he’s the official alternate for anyone who can’t make the match. Jericho chairs him down because no one is winning that match but him.

Video on HHH vs. Shawn Michaels because, again, Sunday is all about them.

Booker is warming up when Ace Reporter Gregory Helms comes in to ask about the Chamber. Booker has been doing more thinking than Abraham Lincoln because he’s ready to beat up HHH, you dig? Goldust comes in to talk about the size of his microphone and mentions that they’re teaming up tonight to face Test/Steven Richards. Goldust: “Beware of the testicles because they’re becoming stronger.” To clarify, he’s NOT talking about Test’s fans.

Jeff Hardy vs. Lance Storm

JR yells about Storm and Regal carrying their flags on Veterans Day. For those of you unfamiliar, it’s also the Canadian and UK’s Remembrance Days, making this day important to all countries. Jeff doesn’t even have a flag but JR doesn’t bother complaining about that. An early crucifix attempt is countered into a Regal roll for two on Hardy and a backbeaker is good for the same.

Jeff’s legdrop between the legs gets a fast two but Storm sends him hard into the corner to work on the back some more. Lance cranks on the arms but gets caught by a mule kick to the chest to start the real comeback. The Whisper in the Wind gets two and they seem to botch a whip so Jeff gets two off a rollup instead.

Hardy sends him to the floor where Regal offers some help. As you might expect, Jeff tries to run the barricade but manages to fall off, setting up a regular double clothesline instead. Somehow he mess THAT up too as he misses Regal and only grazes Storm. Tommy Dreamer runs out to take care of Regal, leaving Jeff to hit a reverse Twist of Fate and the Swanton for the pin.

Rating: D+. So that was a mess and I can’t imagine it can be blamed on anyone but Jeff and his dealer. While he would have worse matches than this later on, it was clear that Jeff didn’t need to be in the ring at this point. It wasn’t the worst match in the world but I’d be scared to see what would happen if Hardy was in there with someone less talented than Storm.

We look back at Victoria attacking Terri last week.

Eric Bischoff has made Terri vs. Victoria for tonight. Terri freaks out as you would expect but Victoria is in the ring calling her out for looking like Trish Stratus. Terri says she’s not a wrestler (well duh) but Eric says go wrestler or get fired. He brings up her daughter because he’s a good heel boss.

Post break, Terri comes out and tries to beg off because there’s nothing for Victoria to prove. Victoria lets her off from the match but beats her up anyway. Terri loses her top (of course) but hits Victoria with a shoe. That earns her a slam on the ramp and a whip into the steps. Charles Robinson tries to break it up and gets hit low, leaving Victoria to grab a ladder. Trish finally comes out for the save.

Batista is walking through the back when Ric Flair comes out of HHH’s locker room (no idea how Flair knew Batista was there) to say how impressive Batista is. Batista won’t shake his hand but does say thank you.

D’Lo Brown vs. Dave Batista

JR tries to convince us that Brown has a chance here as the big clothesline, spinebuster and Batista Bomb wrap this up in a hurry.

Thank you veterans.

Here’s Shawn for a chat. By now, everyone knows how he believes in his God, his family and in each and every one of them. The thing is he’s human, and that means he also believes in retribution. Shawn doesn’t know what an Elimination Chamber match is but he didn’t know what a ladder match, the Cell or a Marathon match was but they wound up going just fine. Well he lost the first two ladder matches, nearly died in the Cell and apparently can’t remember the name of the third so this might not be the best idea.

It was only four years off with a career ending back injury but hey, it could happen! He might not be the Heartbreak Kid anymore but he’s still Shawn Michaels and that might be enough. Shawn really doesn’t care about winning the World Heavyweight Championship. All that matters is making sure HHH doesn’t walk out with the belt. Shawn believes all things are possible and it’s possible that he’s the next champ. Cue HHH to say that in this arena, he’s god. The brawl is on and HHH leaves him laying with the Pedigree. Referees come out to break up the sledgehammer swing.

Dudley Boyz vs. 3 Minute Warning

Jeff Hardy is here as there’s a six man tables match between Bubba/Spike/Jeff vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning on Sunday. Normally I would ask why Rico wasn’t facing Jeff earlier but Storm was the better option all Jeff issues considered. Bubba beats up both Samoans to start and Spike adds a top rope double stomp to Jamal’s ribs. A backdrop sends Spike to the floor for one heck of a crash. The slow beating sees Spike being sent outside but Bubba tags himself in on the way through the ropes. Bubba cleans house as Jeff beats up Rico. Jamal gives Bubba the pop up Samoan drop for the fast pin.

Jeff beats up all three bad guys but misses the Swanton as Rico is pulled to safety. Jamal splashes Jeff and Spike through the same table for a huge crash.

Scott Steiner video.

Here’s Christopher Nowinski to say Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame. Never mind of course as he’s just doing an experiment in crowd manipulation.

Al Snow vs. Christopher Nowinski

Snow charges the ring and Nowinski drops the mic for a rather loud noise. A headlock takes Chris down and a right hand to the jaw makes things even worse. Nowinski grabs a rollup and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin.

Chris goes after him again post match but Maven makes the save.

Here’s Eric Bischoff for a chat. After a quick plug for tomorrow’s Super Tuesday special, we get a video on the making of the Chamber. Eric actually explains the concept and that’s about it.

F-View shows us Steven Richards trying to get Stacy to be his marketing agent too. In other words, he wants her to spank him with the kendo stick. Test does it instead and Stacy bends over for something but……RNN BREAKING NEWS!

Orton has suffered a setback in the form of a chaffed shoulder due to a bad sling. It’s been solved though and his recovery will be fine.

Trish says buy Anthology.

Hurricane/Goldust vs. Test/Steven Richards

Test beats on Hurricane to start before it’s off to Richards who takes a Blockbuster. Richards hits Test by mistake and the Eye of the Hurricane gets two. Everything breaks down and Test Rolls the Dice on Hurricane for the fast pin.

Richards hugs Stacy so Test beats him up. Test: “DON’T YOU EVER TOUCH ONE OF MY TESTICLES!”

Booker tells HHH that he’ll win on Sunday. There are five opponents on Sunday and someone is beating HHH. The champ holds up five fingers and slowly counts them down. I think you get where this is going.

HHH vs. Booker T.

Non-title. Booker spinwheel kicks him down at the bell and scores with a suplex on the floor. That earns Booker a whip into the steps and the jumping knee/facebuster back inside. Naturally the announcers are talking about college football with JR getting overly annoyed. Booker elbows HHH in the face to set up the ax kick but has to slam Flair off the top. Flair gets kicked to the floor but it’s a low blow in the Pedigree to give HHH the pin.

Rating: D. And so much for Booker, just in case you thought he had the slightest chance of pulling off a miracle on Sunday. There was no reason to have him lose here other than to make sure you knew HHH was the star. Booker didn’t have to win but do a no contest or something other than having Booker lose like this. Then again he’s already lost all the credibility he could have had in the first place so this doesn’t exactly cripple him.

Shawn comes in to beat on HHH and Flair but all six Chamber participants come in for the brawl. Everyone hits everyone as this goes on WAY too long. Shawn eventually gives HHH a Pedigree but gets chaired by Jericho to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This show managed to kill off the Elimination Chamber before the thing even debuts. WWE is making one thing very clear: HHH and Shawn Michaels are all that matter on Sunday and the other four are just window dressing. They really would have been better off doing a cage match or something like that but I guess Shawn isn’t ready to do that kind of thing yet. Either way, there’s no secret that the other four have no chance and WWE isn’t bothering to hide it.

The rest of the show continued to showcase how worthless most of Raw really is. We sat through a bunch of short, worthless matches that aren’t interesting and didn’t do anything to make me want to keep watching. Everything feels either sloppy or lethargic with nothing that would even remotely classify as a hot feud. When you factor in that it’s being compared to the recently amazing Smackdown, the show somehow feels even worse, if that’s possible.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/03/24/kbs-history-of-nxt-volumes-1-and-2-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 4, 2002
Location: FleetCenter, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Please let it be better than October. I mean, I’m not sure it could possibly be much worse and the Elimination Chamber could certainly help things out a bit. If it gets Kane on to ANYTHING else, it’s a step in the right direction. Raw has been horrible lately and it all starts with the main event so hopefully that gets better. Let’s get to it.

Eric Bischoff is in his office and a hidden camera (which he said he was responsible for) shows him watching a tape of kissing Stephanie on Smackdown. He’s a good bit distraught, because of course he is.

Opening sequence.

Shawn Michaels arrives and is given a new shirt.

3 Minute Warning vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Jeff Hardy

Fallout from last week when Jamal and Rosey cost Bubba and Jeff the Tag Team Titles. It’s a brawl to start of course with Jeff being thrown into the air but turning into a dropkick to put Jamal down. A great looking Poetry in Motion over the top takes out Rico and the Samoans as we settle down with Bubba actually hitting the middle rope backsplash on Jamal. Of course the fans already want tables but have to settle for Jamal throwing Bubba down to take over.

Rosey comes in for a belly to belly but the Samoans bang heads (I’m not sure if that should hurt), allowing Bubba to get in a double clothesline. That’s enough for the hot tag to Jeff for the house cleaning. The Whisper in the Wind gets two on Jamal and Rico tries to interfere, only to have Spike make the save. Spike and his bad ribs are dropped onto the barricade but Rosey takes What’s Up. Jamal comes back in and takes Poetry in Motion, only to have Rosey break up the Swanton. The Samoan drop puts Jeff away.

Rating: D. 3 Minute Warning is one of those teams who are great for run-ins but then they actually have to wrestle, which defeats the entire purpose. They’re just not that good in the ring and it’s not like they have a lot of teams to fight in the first place. Bubba and Jeff aren’t exactly interesting either and, again, D-Von is doing NOTHING on Smackdown right now.

Victoria is glad Ivory is on Raw and can’t wait to see Ivory destroy Trish tonight. Ivory thinks Victoria is a bit nuts.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Ivory

Ivory is challenging and pops the champ in the jaw at the bell. The aggression continues as Victoria comes out to do commentary. Trish gets a kick to the head for two but gets taken down by…..I guess we’ll call it a spinebuster. Victoria hasn’t said a word and Ivory gets two off a gutwrench suplex. Back up and the Stratusphere gives the champ two as the announcers still can’t get anything out of Victoria. A middle rope shove to the back of the neck (called a bulldog and Trish landed a good second before Ivory) retains the title.

Rating: D-. As much as I enjoy Trish in something close to Kentucky blue, this was as sloppy of a women’s match as you’ll see not featuring Jackie Gayda. Ivory is one of the better workers of the previous era but the chemistry was WAY off here, making for a really bad outing here.

Victoria and Trish get in a fight on the stage.

F-View shows us Victoria beating up Terri with clothing being torn. I kind of like these better than just having….RNN BREAKING NEWS!

Orton’s shoulder is up to 32% mobility, up from last week’s 30%. Thank you for all the support.

….random camera crews all over the building.

Bischoff yells at the production guy who put a hidden camera in his office. My goodness they actually covered a plot hole. HHH and Ric Flair come in and want to know what Bischoff is going to do about Shawn. Before that can be explained, HHH wants to know why Bischoff has been treating him so badly since the rosters have been frozen (save for trades and Batista popping up of course). Apologetic sucking up ensues so Flair shows Eric the kiss tape again. HHH: “So I put on a mask to screw with Kane and you put on a mask to make out with my ex-wife?” Thankfully we cut away before that can go any further.

William Regal/Lance Storm vs. Tommy Dreamer/Al Snow

Storm’s pre-match speech is cut off by a Scott Steiner video. Dreamer still has his hat. JR brings up Snow vs. Dreamer in a Singapore cane match a few weeks ago and doesn’t know why they’re teaming together now. My guess is bad booking. Storm and Snow start things off with Al being sent into the corner where his leg is slammed into the apron. The USA chants start up as Regal keeps Snow in trouble with a leglock. Storm does the same as this is already dragging. Snow gets up and makes the hot tag so Dreamer can give Lance a Death Valley Driver. Not that it matters as Regal kicks him in the head so Storm can get the pin.

Rating: D. This wasn’t so much bad as much as it was incredibly boring. The tag division is such a worthless piece of junk right now as Regal and Storm, one of the better in-ring teams, are some of the least interesting people around. Dreamer and Storm are there for a nostalgia pop and there isn’t much of a future in that.

Shawn, in his new shirt, drinks coffee and looks for HHH.

Stacy Keibler tells Test about the success of the Testicles marketing plan but now he needs a haircut.

Dave Batista vs. Justin Credible

Two tosses, a Regal roll, a clothesline that obviously misses and the sitout powerbomb to the only reaction of the match for the pin on Justin.

HHH is tired of waiting on Shawn and goes to the ring to call him out.

Here’s HHH to call Shawn out because it’s the top of the second hour and we need star power. There’s no Shawn so HHH tells him to not accept the invitation to the Elimination Chamber. So it’s an offer and not a demand? Is there a waiting list? HHH goes on a rant about how there’s nothing anyone can do about him being champion. JR: “Well they could beat him.” Booker T. comes out instead of Shawn to say right now, HHH has bigger problems than Shawn.

HHH doesn’t care about the five WCW Titles because Booker can’t even hold his jock. Booker promises to take the title at Survivor Series and cuts the champ off to say HHH doesn’t run him. We even get a Don’t Hate the Player line, which actually makes sense here. Now it’s Chris Jericho to interrupt because he’s sick of hearing Booker say sucker. Chris Jericho IS NOT A SUCKER! Jericho rips on the Spinarooni which has nothing on the Chris Jericho Juke N Jive. Double teaming ensues but Kane comes out for the save, setting up tonight’s already announced main event.

Stacy sees Test’s haircut and swears it’s going to make the Testicles grow.

Test vs. Hurricane

It’s Test, but with short hair! He elbows Hurricane in the jaw and stomps away in the corner as Lawler tries to figure out the plural of Testicles. A powerbomb is countered into a hurricanrana and Hurricane starts kicking at the leg. The Shining Wizard gets two on Test but the Blockbuster misses. Test can’t hit a big boot (not good when it’s his one move) so he settles for something like Cross Rhodes for the pin.

Rating: D. I know the idea here is to get Stacy out there in really small outfits and while that’s working fine, I don’t know if anyone was thinking another Test push was going to work. Then again their big idea is saying Testicles over and over again so I don’t think there’s a lot of thought going into this one.

Post match Test doesn’t want to do something so Stacy kisses him. Test: “I LOVE MY TESTICLES!”

Video on the Elimination Chamber, which is basically just blueprints of the design without telling us much else.

Chris Jericho video, set to Saliva’s King of My World.

Jericho loved the video and can’t wait for the Elimination Chamber. Christian says don’t worry about it because he’ll beat up Rob Van Dam so badly that Bischoff will have to put him in Van Dam’s spot. This turns into an argument over who is going to be champion.

F-View shows HHH telling Jericho to watch out for Shawn in the tag match. Not that it matters of course because Flair will be at ringside. The villains leave and Shawn is shown watching/listening in.

Christian vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam acknowledges the RVD chants and we’re ready to go. Feeling out process to start until Van Dam gets a spinning kick to the face to drop Christian. The moonsault from the apron misses, as does the spinning kick from the apron. Christian sends him hard into the steps and it’s time to mock the finger pointing, which is totally and completely original.

Back in and we hit the chinlock for a bit as the announcers talk about Shawn. Van Dam fights up and hits his step over kick, followed by another spinning kick. A monkey flip into an awkward looking splash gives Rob two and a high crossbody gets the same. Rolling Thunder hits feet though (with Christian having to stretch his legs out for Rob to hit those) and Christian grabs a chair. Unfortunately so does the referee, allowing Rob to sweep the leg. The middle rope kick to the chest sets up the Five Star for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was a lot worse than you would expect as Rob seemed way off for some reason. Christian wasn’t quite used to singles wrestling here and wasn’t the best choice to carry Van Dam when he was this off. Then again it doesn’t really matter as Rob is clearly just a name on a list for the Chamber as he’s lost every bit of his momentum after Unforgiven.

Here’s Christopher Nowinski to talk about how awesome Harvard really is. He loves Boston but the town has gone downhill since he left. Chris goes after the local teams by saying Ted Williams, Larry Bird and Nomar “Garcia-whatever” are not great men. Cue Al Snow for a distraction so Maven can make his return and beat Chris down. I can’t wait for Tough Enough III to get going so these guys can stop getting so much TV time. I know it has to be done but that doesn’t mean this is interesting stuff. Actually, given some of the other options, this might be the best choice. Or maybe some 1993 WCW.

Goldust congratulates Kane on having Booker T., a fabulous man, as his tag team partner tonight. He even throws in a bit of advice: Kane should try some breathing exercises. This earns him a choke up against a wall until Booker comes in to save his buddy. Booker says HHH is messing with Kane by making up stories about having sex with a dead body. Booker: “WHO WOULD HAVE SEX WITH A DEAD BODY?” Goldust: “I was young and stupid!” Booker asks if Kane can dig it. He certainly can…….“SUCKA!”

Shawn is still here. Well when did anyone suggest he’d left?

HHH/Chris Jericho vs. Kane/Booker T.

Booker and Jericho get things going with Booker chopping away up against the ropes. A knee to the ribs cuts Booker off though and the World Champion graces us with his presence. Booker knocks him down and it’s off to Kane, sending HHH crawling back to Jericho. I get the idea here and I appreciate the effort but Kane has already lost every bit of his credibility and it really doesn’t work here.

Jericho gets in his middle rope dropkick for two and HHH makes it even worse with a chop block. The referee tries to keep Booker out and Jericho chairs Kane in the leg to give the villains a real target. Unfortunately that means a leglock because Flair hasn’t had the chance to teach HHH leg work yet.

Just to further hammer home the fact that HHH isn’t as good at this as he thinks he is, Jericho comes in and goes through Flair’s checklist of knee attacks and the match suddenly picks up. HHH puts on a Figure Four (right next to the ropes) but gets caught holding Jericho’s hand for the break. The knee doesn’t seem too bad though as Kane suplexes both villains down and makes the ice cold tag to Booker.

Everything breaks down with Booker firing off a variety of kicks, including one to knock Flair off the apron. The ax kick gets two on HHH with Jericho making the save. Kane makes a similar save as a top rope clothesline breaks up the Walls. Booker misses the missile dropkick but here’s Shawn with Sweet Chin Music on HHH to give Booker the cheap pin.

Rating: D+. The leg work didn’t go anywhere but at least they were trying something. Shawn interfering was the only possible ending and at least HHH gave up the pin to end the match. It’s certainly not a good match but they did something to help set up the title match, even though Booker has almost no chance to win the thing.

Shawn agrees to enter the Chamber to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. And somehow, that’s their best show in weeks. Above all else, we seem to have moved on from Katie Vick, which is an instant improvement. The main thing here is the focus shifting back to wrestling, which is the best thing that could have ever happened. This shock value stuff is crippling and while the HHH and Shawn Show isn’t must see TV, at least it’s watchable TV that won’t embarrass fans.

That being said, sweet goodness this show is still a wreck. The tag division has flown off a cliff, the women are doing what they can in the three minutes a week they’re allowed and the Tough Enough jazz isn’t making me want to watch the reality show (though I did back in the day). I was really not impressed here but it’s somehow going in a better direction. However, that direction is going to be gone when they can’t put six people in one match for the title and we need something else for the rest of them to fight about. It’s almost like that lone singles male champion thing might not be the best idea.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/03/24/kbs-history-of-nxt-volumes-1-and-2-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

For those of you who aren’t familiar, WrestleCon is kind of like Axxess on a budget with everyone running their own booth. The key differences though are you have a TON of indy wrestlers, plus dozens of legends. You pay a flat rate to get in () and then each autograph and picture you want is an additional charge (I think the most I saw for a regular guest was but most are less than half of that). For the sake of finances, I only paid for a handful of pictures.

Some of these are people I’ve been wanting to meet for as long as I can remember so these are a pretty big deal for me.

Booker T.:

Some of the biggest hands I’ve ever seen, and I have some big ones myself.

Demolition:

Every bit as intimidating as you would expect. I said they were one of my favorites when I was a kid. Ax: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN WERE? WE BETTER STILL BE!” He smiled after.

Jerry Lawler:

Probably the nicest guy I met. Very friendly and talked for probably a good three minutes about baseball, my hometown being an old stop for him and UK basketball. I even got to wear the crown. Lawler is every bit as friendly and quick witted as he comes off on TV and he was a blast to talk to. On a random note, Lawler was doing a podcast later that day with Cleveland Indians closer Chris Perez, who was there with him. I’m a lifelong Indians fan so this was a major bonus.

Vader:

This was overcoming a childhood fear. Vader beat Sting. No one could beat Sting!

Lita:

The camera doesn’t do her justice. I know she was hot when she was wrestling but my goodness she’s aged very well. Absolutely stunning and one of those people who kinds of oozes sexiness if that makes sense. On a side note, her handler was a horrible jerk. Lita was signing and the line was a bit long so I asked how long she would be signing. He glares at me and says he doesn’t know (that’s a pretty important thing to be missing). Then when I was paying, he literally snatched the money out of my hand. None of the others were like that all day so it’s not like it can’t be done.

Speaking of the camera not doing justice, here’s what I saw when I left Lawler:

That would be Brooke Tessmacher, Kelly Kelly, Christy Hemme and Candace Michelle. Kelly has some of the most hypnotizing eyes you’ll ever see and again, the camera does not do her justice. The other three are gorgeous but Kelly was just on another level.

And finally, Tito Santana:

My all time favorite midcarder and, before New Day, the original Kofi Kingston. Very nice guy.

Those are just the ones I took pictures with. In addition to those, I said hi to/chatted with the following. Most of these are just a handshake/”nice to meet you” so I’ll just list the name unless there was anything of note. These are in no particular order:

Bobby Heenan (This was sad as he’s in horrible health and can’t close his mouth. It was actually hard to shake his hand.)

Stan Hansen (Talked to him a bit about growing to appreciate his work a bit more. He seemed pleased that someone younger was taking the time to do so.)

Drew Galloway (As lame as it might sound, I talked to him about Mustang Sally for a bit. I know this place isn’t the most close knit group in the world, but whenever I see Drew, she comes to my mind. We also talked about his match the previous night (recap coming) and apparently a lot of people loved it, myself included. He seemed really happy to have entertained that many people. How this guy isn’t WWE Champion I have no idea. He’s WAY taller than I am (about 5’11) too as I was looking up at him.)

Lex Luger

Tully Blanchard (One of the first guys I talked to. Blanchard: “Well you start with the best.”)

D’Lo Brown (He was all over the place today, saying hi to almost anyone he could.)

J.J. Dillon

Lashley (VERY nice guy and I talked to him for a few minutes. I even got to pick up the TNA World Title and it actually took two hands. That thing is WAY heavier than it looks.)

Scott Hall (Long line so just a quick handshake and Too Sweet.)

Ken Shamrock (Nicer than you would expect.)

Rob Van Dam (Very nice, talked to him about seeing him win the Intercontinental Title, which I said was one of the best matches of the night. That seemed to really make him smile so it seems that he’s glad he gets to entertain people.)

Abyss (Nice guy again. Told him that he and AJ had my favorite TNA match ever, which he said was his favorite too (Lockdown 2005).)

Kevin Nash (Again, just a quick Too Sweet as the line was long.)

Slick

Brutus Beefcake

Barry Windham

Shelton Benjamin

Billy Gunn (Found out I wasn’t buying and barely acknowledged me.)

Honky Tonk Man (Found out I wasn’t buying and sneered at me while shaking my hand. Probably the biggest jerk there.)

Luke Williams (Bushwhackers) (I said he had licked my face as a kid and he seemed to act like that was the weirdest comment ever.)

Winter (Gorgeous.)

Laurel Van Ness

Ivelisse (Those eyes man. Just…..dang.)

Thea Trinidad (Barely staying in her top.)

Karlee Perez (Catrina/Maxine) (Gorgeous, built, knew how to dress. That’s as nicely as I can put it.)

Melissa Santos (Funny, looks much better in person and you can hear the announcer in her.)

Taeler Hendrix (That is some pale skin and again, barely staying in her top. I know it might not sound great but I’ve seen swimsuits that showed less.)

Fred Ottman (Tugboat) (Nice guy.)

Christy Hemme (Same as Lita/Kelly: You can feel the energy coming off of her.)

Wade Barrett (Tall, very polite, seemed to be having a great time.)

Steve Lombardi (I said I had watched him lose for years and he said “You mean watching me make money all those years?” Very positive guy and seemed to know what he was in wrestling, which is rare.)

Ryback

Velvet Sky (Again, camera doesn’t do her justice.)

Raquel (BroMans manager for a few weeks) (Looked outstanding.)

Mil Muertes

Wild Samoans

Lillian Garcia (There is no way she’s 50. Like, I don’t believe it’s possible. She seemed touched when I praised her National Anthem performances.)

Torrie Wilson (Got to give her a quick hug. Still looks great.)

Raven (A lot calmer than you would expect. We talked about his podcast for a bit and I asked about the golf cart story at Wrestlemania XVII, which he says is true.)

Ethan Carter III (Funny guy.)

Steiner Brothers (Scott is WAY smaller than he used to be. He’s probably lost 50-60lbs and is downright slim.)

Eugene (Trying to sell a lot until I mentioned I was from Lexington and then had a nice chat about his family being from there.)

One Man Gang (Nicer than you would expect.)

Lisa Marie Varon (Victoria/Tara)

Gary Michael Cappeta (Ring announcers fascinate me for some reason and he was another nice guy.)

Noelle Foley (I know some people say she looks a bit odd at times but she can fill the heck out of a tight black dress. I mentioned that her dad was my all time favorite and she gave me this somewhat surprised look and said he was her favorite too. So she’s got a sense of humor.)

Teddy Long (Very polite and seemed to be having a blast.)

Jack Swagger (Incredibly nice, had a quick chat with him about his ECW run. WAY taller in person, which he says he gets a lot.)

Rock N Roll Express (Their line was almost empty for some reason. You would think they would be a hot ticket right now.)

Sinister Minister

Bill Apter (Asked my name and thanked me for coming out after a chat about his book, which is worth reading.)

Abdullah the Butcher

Al Perez

Al Snow

Aron Rex (Nice guy.)

Bill Alfonso

Brian Blair

Brian Knobbs (Says he’s lost 50lbs and looks like he has.)

Bruce Prichard

Bully Ray (KB: “I met you before at a TNA show.” Bully: “I’m sorry that it sucked.” KB: “You were World Champion at the time.” Bully: “That’s the only part that didn’t suck.”.)

Chavo Guerrero Jr. (Talked with him about his team with Eddie, which he seemed very proud of. Nice guy and much more fun to talk to than I was expecting.)

Cisco (Lucha Underground)

Dink

Dan Severn (Not really a fan but came off as one of the most well spoken there.)

Duane Gill (Gillberg)

Gail Kim (I know she gets on my nerves but DANG she is a beautiful woman in person.)

Gangrel

Harry Smith (The hardest handshake I’ve ever felt by a mile.)

Jake Roberts (Much friendlier than last year at Axxess)

James Storm

Jeff Jarrett (Told him I was from Lexington, which was an old USWA town. He smiled quite a bit.)

John Hennigan (Very cool. He said he and Miz were talking the other day about Miz’s promos about Cena, which were basically the old Dirt Sheet bits. Had a good time talking to him.)

Jim Brunzell

Jim Neidhart

Justin Roberts

Ken Anderson

Kevin Thorn (Talked to him about his OVW days, which seemed to be a good topic for him.)

Marc Mero

Mascarita Dorada (El Torito)

Virgil (Actually really nice.)

MVP

Molly Holly

Pete Gas

Rachel Ellering

Glacier

Rene Dupree

Samuel Shaw

Eddie Edwards

Davey Richards

Rockstar Spud (Talked to him about his match with Bully Ray vs. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode, which is the funniest match I’ve ever seen. He seemed very pleased and was another very nice, humble guy, which I’ve often heard about him.)

Rocky Johnson

Sabu

Sam Houston

Hurricane

Shelley Martinez (Not exactly able to rock the sexy outfits anymore.)

Stevie Ray (With Booker. Has some massive arms.)

Stevie Richards (For you Lee.)

Taya Valkerie (Talked about her stuff from the WrestleCon Supershow. Very nice.)

Tommy Dreamer

Tony Atlas (Thought he was being rude but it turned out he didn’t see me. We talked about the Wrestlemania II battle royal, which he seemed to have very fond memories of.)

Vickie Guerrero

That’s 120 wrestlers in four hours. By comparison, I’ve been to 4 Axxess sessions and might have met 20 people. The names might not be as huge (Ric Flair, Sting, Edge and Christian were at this show too) and the memorabilia might not be there but there are major, major names to meet at a reasonable price. Check this out if you go to Wrestlemania in the future. I’ll be going every single time as it’s a total blast.

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 28, 2002
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This show comes in with a very simple advantage: it’s not the Katie Vick episode. There have been well over 1000 episodes of Monday Night Raw (we’ll hit #500 by the end of 2002) and last week’s might have been absolute rock bottom. There have been horrible shows before, but even the 1993/1994 episodes mainly focused on wrestling. Last week focused on sexual intercourse with a mannequin in a casket. Something tells me this one will be an improvement. Let’s get to it.

There’s a casket at ringside. I……they wouldn’t. Someone tell me they wouldn’t do this again.

Opening sequence.

Here’s HHH to get things going (I guess having escaped from the car without a scratch) and I already have a bad feeling about this. HHH sets up a chair in the ring and gives Kane some advice: make sure that there isn’t a child safety latch in the back of the trunk. Makes sense actually. Anyway, as for the tape from last week, some people were offended by it and said they would never watch Raw again. HHH agrees, because the things that Kane did to the body were disgusting but the only opinion that matters is from Katie Vick.

He heads outside and opens the casket to reveal the mannequin, who looks “dead tired”. HHH takes her inside and, I kid you not, it’s time for ventriloquism. Katie found last week’s tape painful because Kane’s, ahem, equipment was burned and small. It’s just like his attempts at winning the World Title: it comes up a bit short. Katie almost fall off his lap and Lawler calls her “dead sexy”. HHH doesn’t care if anyone was offended last week because he’s doing what he wants. Cue Hurricane (described as Kane’s former tag team partner) to ask why HHH is all giggles about escaping. “Whatsupwiththat?” See, he has his own footage.

Last week, HHH was in a hospital (it’s a man on a table with a paper HHH mask on) and various objects are pulled out of a certain orifice, including a sledgehammer, a magic handkerchief (like a clown would pull from his pocket), a hand, a squirrel, a gear shift, a steering wheel (JR: “Is this a hospital or Brisco Brothers?”) and HHH’s own head. This is accompanied by the doctors sounding like they’re chiseling and hammering, along with one of them calling for more KY jelly. Also of note, the HHH mask changes expressions as each object is pulled out.

Back in the arena, HHH beats up the mannequin (whose wig comes off, revealing that it’s a man) until Kane comes out for the fight. This brings out Bischoff with referees and wrestlers to break it up. Eric makes a casket match for later tonight to FINALLY end this way too long segment.

While last week’s segment was further down the horrible scale, this was way up there on the dumb comedy scale. This felt like Vince hearing the reaction to last week and saying “I’LL SHOW YOU OFFENSIVE!” Kane has already lost the big title match and I have no desire to see him challenge again. Just get us to HHH vs. Shawn which at least had an amazing first match to build from. I can’t wait for this stupid story to wrap up already because it might be the low point in Raw’s history.

A hidden camera shows Trish Stratus on the phone with her mom as she changes her clothes.

William Regal/Lance Storm vs. Rob Van Dam/Tommy Dreamer

Before the match, Regal rips on America for being scared to walk their own streets but they’ll send their kids out trick or treating. Storm and Van Dam start while Dreamer is wearing a hat on the apron. Van Dam gets in a spinning kick for two so it’s off to Regal, who is pulled over the top after the tag.

Regal’s half nelson suplex gets two and we get one heck of an RVD chant as Storm works on an armbar. Another kick allows the hot tag off to Dreamer for some right hands as the hat falls off. Everything breaks down with Rob diving onto the barricade instead of a moving Storm. The distraction lets Storm hit Dreamer with a flagpole for the pin.

Rating: C-. For a match this short, I’ve seen far worse. This worked well enough with two different styles and the pure wrestlers going with the weapons to win because they cheated. Not bad here, though that RVD chant gives you even more proof about how horrible an idea it was to have HHH go over him so hard.

Eric Bischoff yells at 3 Minute Warning and Rico, basically telling them to make an impact or get out.

Stacy Keibler, in a very nice outfit, comes up to Test because she’s now in charge of ideas for his career. Her first idea: call his fans the Testicles! Vince wrote that line didn’t he? Testicle jokes abound.

Tag Team Titles: Christian/Chris Jericho vs. Dudley Boyz

Jericho and Christian are defending but here are Rico and 3 Minute Warning to jump Bubba and Spike. No match.

Batista is still coming.

Goldust vs. Test

Test gives the Testicles a greeting and gets punched in the face for his efforts. We’ll leave the Golden Globes lines to Goldust if Test doesn’t mind. Some elbows in the corner have Goldust in trouble and we hear about Scott Steiner being signed over the weekend. The middle rope bulldog gets two but here’s Stacy to break up Shattered Dreams. That means the kiss from Goldust, who puts her in the other corner for Shattered Dreams. The referee protects Stacy of course but she gets in a low blow to set up Test’s big boot for the pin.

Bubba yells at Bischoff, who says he can have any partner tonight for a shot at the titles. Eric also denies sending 3 Minute Warning out there.

Scott Steiner video.

We look back at Shawn Michaels’ promo from last week where he said he’s coming for HHH….but we get an RNN BREAKING NEWS UPDATE! That would mean Randy Orton, who was gone last week because he’s working so hard to rehab his shoulder. With the fans’ support, he’ll be back in no time. JR: “Well isn’t that special?”

Kane doesn’t care that his casket match is non-title. What happened to Katie Vick was an accident but tonight will be intentional.

Tag Team Titles: Christian/Chris Jericho vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Jeff Hardy

Bubba and Jeff are defending. I’ve heard worse ideas as it’s not like they have anything else going on at the moment. Granted it’s also another sign that WWE has no idea how to rebuild a tag division after its three major teams all split. Jeff starts fast by dropping the legs between Christian’s legs before it’s off to Bubba for the right hands. Naturally the fans already want tables, which JR says would be a DQ because JR has common sense.

Jericho comes in and sends Bubba throat first into the ropes for the running crotch attack. That goes nowhere either though and it’s back to Jeff but the referee gets bumped. Jeff gets sent to the floor so it’s Conchairto time, only to have Bubba duck just in time. Both champs are sent outside via a catapult and Jeff hits one heck of a dive over the top. Cue 3 Minute Warning but Bubba DIVES OFF THE TOP to take down the two of them plus Jericho.

We actually take a break and come back with Jeff in trouble (probably the best move) after a toss over the floor banged up his leg. Christian grabs a front facelock which naturally gives us the unseen tag to Bubba. Jeff fights up but gets caught in the sleeper drop as the champs keep control.

Back up and Jeff completely misses a spinning crossbody (hopefully the director gets a fruit basket for changing the angle fast enough to hide it as well as possible) and the hot tag brings in Bubba. House is cleaned and Jeff blind tags himself in for What’s Up (with a legdrop) on Christian. Since he can’t help himself, Bubba goes for a table but Christian dropkicks it back into his face.

The Whisper in the Wind gets two on Jericho and Bubba spears a belt out of Christian’s hands. With the champs in trouble, here are Rico and 3 Minute Warning holding an unconscious Spike upside down. Bubba gives chase but Jeff hits the Swanton on Jericho for two anyway. Christian makes the save and the distraction lets Jericho get in a belt shot, followed by the Lionsault for the pin to retain.

Rating: B. Well that was surprising, though I’m not sure why given who was in there. Above all else they gave this some time instead of cramming everything into five minutes. I know it takes away from time for Testicle jokes but more often than not, having a good match is going to cure a lot of your problems.

HHH accuses Kane of wanting to have sex with him because they’ll be around a casket. He’s not worried about Shawn either but gets a phone call and cuts the interview short. HHH goes into his dressing room and F-VIEW (the new name for the hidden camera earlier) shows him talking to Flair, who isn’t here tonight. He’s a lot more nervous than he seems. I have no idea why this needed to exist.

Al Snow yells at Christopher Nowinski for being a jerk and not appreciating his efforts. Nowinski says he’ll beat ANYONE tonight but wants Snow ringside.

Here’s Bischoff for a chat. In addition to Scott Steiner coming to Raw, he’s received a host of talent in exchange for Big Show. Not that he mentions any of them but I’m sure it doesn’t really matter. Anyway, Raw is awesome because of things like the hidden cameras, which Bischoff put in place. I’d assume Trish will be suing him by Wednesday.

As for Survivor Series, the Elimination Chamber is coming and he’ll have details on it next week. Tonight all he’ll tell us is that it’s going to have six superstars and be part Survivor Series, part Royal Rumble and part WarGames. The title will be on the line with HHH defending against Chris Jericho, Booker T., Rob Van Dam, Kane and Shawn Michaels. Those sound like details to me Eric. As for Shawn, he has one week to get back to Eric….and here’s Booker T. to interrupt. He doesn’t really have anything to say but he seems happy to be in the title match.

Christopher Nowinski vs. Booker T.

Snow is at ringside. Booker hammers him down to start until a hot shot gives Nowinski a breather. A powerslam gets two on Booker and we’re off to a chinlock (With Nowinski’s back to the camera. Contrary to what WWE wants you to believe, it really doesn’t make much of a difference.). Booker makes a quick escape and gets in a spinning kick to the face. That sends Chris outside….where he hits Snow to start a brawl, meaning he beats Booker by DQ.

Rating: D-. So let’s recap: Booker T. is put into a World Title match in the main event of a pay per view in the previous segment and LOSES TO FREAKING CHRIS NOWINSKI in the next match in a spot that literally could have been anyone in the company? I know 2002 is considered a dark time for WWE but this is pure stupidity.

Booker beats both guys up post match.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline vs. Molly Holly

Trish is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. During the entrances, Lawler gets in this gem: “I had a nightmare about Trish last night. I dreamed that I was six months old and she was my mother but I was a bottle baby!” Molly gets knocked outside to start so Jackie tries some rollups before grabbing a half crab. Now it’s Molly coming back in to grab the other leg but the challengers let go to fight each other. Jackie blocks the Stratusphere and gets two off a DDT. Not that it matters as a double Stratusfaction is enough to put Molly away and retain the title. This was nothing.

HHH vs. Kane

Non-title and a casket match. Kane slugs him down in the corner to start but it’s way too early for the casket. Back up and HHH is tossed over the top for a big crash out to the floor as JR talks about cremation. A bell to the head drops Kane and, since hitting him with it again isn’t an option for some reason, HHH opts for punches. The spinebuster and facebuster set up a DDT as Lawler wonders if HHH is right about what Kane REALLY wants. JR: “Is there anything wrong with that?” Kane fights his way out of the casket but gets crotched on top. That means a superplex but Kane still won’t stay in.

Neither finisher can hit so HHH puts on the sleeper, even though it hasn’t won anything in about a month now. Nearly ten minutes into the match, Lawler FINALLY points out that these two will be in the Chamber. Granted that only means they’ll be losing to Nowinski. There’s the top rope clothesline but HHH kicks him low to break the chokeslam. HHH chairs him down a few times but here’s Shawn out of the casket to clean house. Sweet Chin Music is enough to let Kane get in a chokeslam and throw HHH in the casket for the win.

Rating: D. See? HHH will TOTALLY do a job as long as he doesn’t have to get pinned and it only takes two former World Champions (one of which is contractually obligated to be Shawn) to get it done! The match was as dull as you would expect, though the action wasn’t bad. Kane has just lost so much heat and there’s no way to repair that in a match like this, especially with that ending.

Kane disappears so Shawn can dance on the casket to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. That tag match helped a lot but the rest of the show ranged anywhere from stupid ideas (Booker losing five minutes after being announced as a World Title contender) to wastes of time (the triple threat). The show is just lacking any energy or anything worth watching as Shawn is the only thing close to interesting and he’s locked in with HHH, who is going to suck the life out of anything. Bad show here and that’s likely to be the case as long as HHH is on top.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 21, 2002
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Knoxville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re past No Mercy and the big story on the red side is the potential murder/necrophiliac did NOT win the World Title, meaning the Intercontinental Title has ceased to be. That means we’re in need of a fresh challenger and I’m terrified to think of what HHH is going to do to them. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last night’s title match.

Here are HHH and Ric Flair to get things going. HHH talks about everyone saying he didn’t deserve to be handed the title and he has one thing to say to them: SCREW YOU! He’s beaten everyone that’s gotten in the ring with him (in the full SIX WEEKS he’s been champion) and last night was just like another nail in Katie Vick’s coffin.

Kane isn’t here tonight because he probably doesn’t want to team with Rob Van Dam against the two of them. Or maybe there’s one other option…..and Flair pulls out a tape. HHH says it’s going to show whether or not Kane had sex with Vick before or after she was dead and no one will ever look at Kane again. Hurricane comes out and tries to steal the tape but gets beaten down.

Jeff Hardy vs. Christopher Nowinski

Hardy speeds things up to start and sends Chris to the floor for a sloppy flip dive (with his leg smacking Nowinski in the head). Back in and Jeff shrugs off some forearms to the back before getting two off a Thesz press of all things. The announcers bicker about the tape with JR saying “there’s no semen in wrestling”.

A side slam gives Nowinski two and a hot shot gets the same. Hardy gets in some right hands and the legdrop between the legs but the Swanton is broken up. Nowinski goes for a chair but here’s Al Snow to take it away. That allows Jeff to dropkick it into Chris’ face but Al pulls Nowinski out of the way of the Swanton, giving Chris the pin.

Rating: D-. Jeff is at a horrible point and Nowinski never was worth much in the first part. It doesn’t help that this match was almost as horrible as it possibly could have been as they were both missing almost every other move. I have no idea what’s up with Hardy lately but he’s getting more and more useless every time.

Eric Bischoff is watching a tape of his issues with Big Show when Stacy Keibler comes in. She wants to referee a match tonight so Bischoff says anything but the main event. Now it’s Show coming in so Bischoff gives him Rico and 3 Minute Warning in a handicap match.

Tommy Dreamer wants to know what’s up with Snow helping Nowinski. Snow says he’s just looking out for one of his kids but Dreamer wants revenge in a Singapore cane match. Nowinski comes up and says he doesn’t need Snow’s help.

William Regal/Lance Storm vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley

The winners get a future Tag Team Title shot. Before the match, Storm says the Un-Americans are done but he and Regal share a mutual respect. Oh and America is horrible. Storm and Spike have a nice technical sequence to start with Storm looking stunned that Spike can keep up with him. It’s off to Bubba for a shoulder and neckbreaker and Regal takes a backdrop. Kane is shown arriving as Spike comes back in for his running forearms. Everything breaks down and Spike hurricanranas Lance out to the floor and the Dudley Dog puts Regal away.

Rating: D. The tag division is so worthless right now and it’s amazing to see how much it pales in comparison next to its Smackdown counterpart. Smackdown had a Match of the Year candidate last night and Raw can’t even give a nothing match four minutes as a team goes one a one match winning streak to become #1 contenders.

Regal and Storm beat up the Dudleyz with a superkick to Bubba’s head and some brass knuckles shots to Spike’s ribs.

Trish Stratus finishes up a photo shoot and says she doesn’t know what’s up with Victoria. Christian and Chris Jericho come up to awkwardly hit on her while bringing up the barking for Vince thing. It’s obvious that Trish wants an injection of Vitamin C. These two were great together and Trish’s disturbed face made it even better.

Here’s Eric Bischoff with an announcement to top Smackdown’s Cell match from last night. At Survivor Series, you will see the Elimination Chamber.

Batista and all of his muscles are still coming.

D’Lo Brown vs. Test

Stacy Keibler is guest referee and slaps Brown before the match. Test jumps him from behind and tries a full nelson slam but gets kicked away so Brown can shout a lot. A slam gets two on Test with Stacy doing the really slow slam. That’s quite a slam if it would have gotten the pin otherwise. The Sky High connects but Stacy stops to tie her shoe, allowing Test to get in the big boot for the normal pin.

Stacy jumps into Test’s arms. Lawler: “You ever see Earl Hebner do that?” JR: “Maybe one time with a large woman in Wisconsin.”

Victoria rants about how Trish is a liar but here’s Goldust to mock her in a Dusty voice. Booker joins him to help set up a six person tag tonight. Again: why in the world is this all Booker has to do? Booker calls her a sucka and Goldust gets in a little spank. Faces are now sexual harrassers.

Goldust/Booker T./Trish Stratus vs. Chris Jericho/Christian/Victoria

Trish goes after Victoria to start and an early Chick Kick gets two. Victoria sends her throat first into the bottom rope though and it’s off to Christian for some intimidation. That earns him a slap and Trish crawls through his legs for the hot tag to Booker as things speed up. A Victoria distraction lets Christian knock Booker outside and it’s time for the beatdown segment.

Back in and Jericho punches Booker in the head a few times but the spinning sunset flip puts Chris down for two. Christian’s dropkick sets up a top rope knee to Booker’s knee as Lawler says Trish wants Jericho. Booker gets in a spinebuster on Jericho and the hot tag brings in Goldust to clean house. A middle rope bulldog drops Jericho but Trish tags herself in for a high crossbody. Goldust kisses Victoria and Booker clotheslines Christian out to the floor. With no one else around, Jericho blasts Trish with a clothesline and grabs the Walls for the tap out.

Rating: D+. Well at least Booker didn’t do the job again, though I’m not sure how this helps anyone. I had forgotten that Victoria was even involved in the match until the ending, which she didn’t even play a part in. This really didn’t work and that’s not a good thing with two stories hitting a wall at the same time.

HHH delivers the tape to the production truck.

Terri is waiting outside Kane’s locker room in case this tape is horrible.

Here’s the tape. We’re in a funeral home and HHH is in a Kane shirt and mask. He goes up to the casket and talks to Katie (a mannequin). It’s her fault that she died because she wouldn’t give him what he wanted before they got in the car. He wants her now more than ever and sees no reason why they can’t be together.

Censored fondling ensues and HHH takes off his shirt. Katie’s clothes are removed too and HHH mounts the mannequin as we go to shots of the funeral home with various sexual noises in the background. Back to the casket with HHH appearing to be missing his clothes. He reaches down to her head and pulls up some goo. HHH: “I did it. I screwed your brains out!”

Normally I would give an explanation of why this didn’t work but this one speaks for itself. And yes, it’s actually worse than you remember.

Al Snow vs. Tommy Dreamer

This is a Singapore Cane match because, you know, because you can just go from the tape to this off a single commercial. They trade cane shots to start until Dreamer hits the post by mistake. The trapping headbutts stagger Tommy but Nowinski comes in and smacks Snow with a cane shot to give Dreamer the pin. This was nothing and I don’t think it cleared the Katie Vick stuff from the fans’ minds.

Rico/3 Minute Warning vs. Big Show

Show cleans house to start and the trio takes a breather on the floor. Back in and Show shrugs off a double clothesline before sending 3 Minute Warning to the floor. Triple teaming works a bit better but Show fights up, clears out Rico and Rosey and ends Jamal clean with a chokeslam in just over two minutes. So yeah, remember all those months of Jamal and Rosey being monsters? Forget all that because Big Show needed the win.

Post break, Big Show is traded to Smackdown. Again: what happened to the whole CONTRACTS ARE TOTALLY LOCKED IN NO MATTER WHAT?

Hurricane is standing next to a car, perhaps waiting on Kane.

Shawn Michaels is at the World and says he doesn’t hate anyone. He stands up from his wheelchair and he’s coming for HHH.

Ric Flair/HHH vs. Rob Van Dam/Kane

The good guys hammer away in the corner to start and a pair of kicks to the face have the villains in trouble. Rolling Thunder gets two on Flair and it’s off to the regular match. Actually scratch that as everything breaks down again with Van Dam kicking HHH a few times. Lawler calls the tape a public service and JR demands an explanation. As Jerry talks about how it was showing the world what REALLY happened, Flair sends Van Dam into the steps to really take over.

Kane breaks up a near fall as Lawler says HHH is really cerebral because he screwed Katie’s brains out. We hit the sleeper on Van Dam as Lawler is still on the necrophilia stuff. Flair goes up top and JR is making jokes about him as he’s only halfway up. Lawler: “It’s like Kane with Katie Vick! He just kept trying until he made it work!” Another kick puts HHH down but Flair offers a distraction so the referee doesn’t see the tag.

That’s the only good thing about the match so far, which isn’t a good sign seven minutes in. The hot tag is made a few seconds later and it’s Kane coming in off the top with the clothesline. Everything breaks down again and Flair low blows Van Dam, setting up a suplex for two. Kane has HHH up on the stage as Van Dam kicks Flair in the face and hits the Five Star for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was one of the least interesting matches I can remember in a long time and I can’t say I’m surprised. At the end of the day, there’s just no way to buy either of these two as a real threat to HHH because it’s clear he’s not laying down for either of them. If that’s the case, what’s the point to having a match like this? The commentary made things even worse as Lawler kept making necrophilia jokes and JR had to be incredulous

In the back, Kane knocks HHH into the trunk of the car Hurricane is next to. Kane promises to screw him, but the question is if HHH will be alive or dead. He drives away to end the show.

Overall Rating: F-. Nope. In every definition of the word possible, no. I can’t think of a single thing on this show that I liked, cared about, was interested in or want to see continue. This was one of the worst episodes the show has ever done with one of the worst segments in wrestling history. It wasn’t funny, it wasn’t intelligent, it wasn’t innovative and it had no business on this show. Other than someone higher up on the food chain thinking it was hilarious, I have no idea who decided it needed to be on the show. The rest of the show might not have been as bad but that’s not exactly a high bar to reach.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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