Monday Nitro #241
Date: May 22, 2000
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Attendance: 6,530
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

So Flair is World Champion but the forces of bad health don’t want us to have some sanity in WCW and Flair collapsed to end last week’s Thunder. This was a legitimate inner ear issue that screwed him up and not like that time where they had Ric Flair have a heart attack that wasn’t referenced again outside of a one off moment. Odds are this is going to change the title status so let’s get to it.

It probably won’t matter but this show aired an hour earlier due to the NBA Playoffs.

We open with a recap of the New Blood falling apart. Remember: as soon as Bischoff and Russo were gone for a single night, the whole team started falling apart. They need that strong and MANLY influence of Vince Russo to keep them in line.

Russo, Jeff Jarrett, David Flair and Liz arrive behind a hearse. They’re all in black and it’s time for the funeral of Ric Flair’s career. Russo has the World Title for reasons that aren’t clear.

Booker T. vs. The Cat

Weapons match. The announcers explain that it’s just martial arts weapons so Cat brings in a chair. Some martial arts sticks to the back put Booker down and Mark Madden says Cat is Eric Bischoff’s son Garrett’s martial arts instructor. Cat dances a bit and keeps hitting Booker with the sticks as this is already boring. Booker starts his comeback but Cat hits him in the head with one of the sticks.

Some kendo stick shots have Booker in even more trouble as this just keeps going. A quick Book End gives Booker a breather and he hammers away with the kendo stick. Cue Shawn Stasiak to help Cat with the beatdown (I guess his fists count as weapons?) and Cat cartwheel kicks the chair into Booker’s face for the pin.

Rating: D-. Was there a point here that I was missing? This was a big waste of time as Cat still doesn’t have much of a personality yet. Also I love that their idea of pushing Booker is to have him lose matches because that’s going to get him over so quickly. Bad match because it was barely a match, though some of Cat’s stick shots looked good.

The Misfits come out for the save. Major Gunns loads up CPR for Booker but here are Bischoff and Kimberly to interrupt. The fans chant some swearing at Bischoff and it keeps getting censored, making it sound like Bischoff’s mic keeps cutting out. Bischoff talks about some business deal in California that is going to change the face of the New Blood. Eric offers the Misfits a spot in the New Blood but they tell them what he can kiss. In case he doesn’t get the idea, Major Gunns lowers her shorts for a visual.

The Millionaire’s Club, minus Nash, arrives. Hogan: “Nash is late again.” Sting: “That’s his gimmick. That’s his giz-immick.”

Post break, Bischoff fires Booker but can’t fire the Misfits for reasons that aren’t clear.

Russo and company are around Ric’s casket, which contains his robe and a huge nose. Everyone is all sad over this and I’m more sad that this idea was later used by TNA for Team 3D in one of their funniest segments ever. Why am I not watching that instead?

Madden cries as Terry Taylor arrives with Ric Flair’s son Reid.

Terry Funk held a press conference earlier today and might be retiring later tonight.

Here’s Daffney to say that Crowbar knows she’s the real Cruiserweight Champion so come out here right now to talk about this like reasonable adults.

Cruiserweight Title: Daffney vs. Crowbar

They’re co-champions coming in as part of another story that hasn’t had a chance to go anywhere and is being blown off a week after it started. They thumb wrestle to start before Crowbar gives her an Indian burn. Cue Miss Hancock as Crowbar won’t hurricanrana Daffney off the top. She’ll give him one though, causing Crowbar to give her a slingshot splash. Crowbar immediately apologizes but here are Chris Candido and Tammy to attack him. Candido dropkicks a chair into Crowbar’s face and piledrives him onto the chair, giving Daffney (called Daffney Unger by Tony) the pin and the undisputed title.

Rating: D. What was wrong with Candido holding the title? He’s 28 here, a veteran and talented. Therefore, it’s time to put the belt on ANOTHER comedy act because that’s what Russo thinks is best for it. The cruiserweights were such an important part of WCW’s heyday so obviously the solution is to turn them into a joke right? Oh and male vs. female. That should be a drinking game: take a shot anytime a woman is attacked by a man. You’ll have a good buzz every week and it might even make the show go faster.

The Kid Cam is back and we see Torrie Wilson on Horace’s back giving him a massage.

Booker tells the Misfits to stay tuned next week.

Ralphus and Norman are washing cars for $1 apiece.

Kidman yells at Bischoff and company about Horace. Eric: “You’re the one that wanted to hang on to the hot looking blonde.” They come up to Torrie and make her referee. Eric beats up a referee and takes his shirt to give to Torrie. Kidman and Horace start brawling and I guess this is their match.

Kidman vs. Horace Hogan

Torrie is guest refereeing and wearing a referee’s shirt that looks like a short dress on her. They come out to ringside and of course Bischoff jumps in on commentary, calling this internal politics. Kidman takes over inside and the camera keeps cutting to Bischoff, the real star of the match. Hogan comes back with a big boot and grabs a table. Cue Hulk as Kidman counters a powerbomb. Horace is placed on the table so Hogan throws Kidman off the top and through his nephew. Torrie is forced to count the pin.

Rating: D. I’m sick of this story and it’s getting worse every single week. I’ll give them credit for trying to do something with Kidman and Horace but the two of them are being treated like big pawns (ok maybe bishops) in the Hogan vs. Bischoff feud. As usual, the story is so convoluted and messy that I have no idea what the point is even supposed to be.

Hulk says Bischoff used to be a cool guy but now he’s heard Bischoff is going to have a special referee at the pay per view. He doesn’t care who it is because he’ll beat them up anyway. Oh and Eric is something censored. Is there a reason Hulk won’t say the pay per view’s name?

Jarrett and Russo make jokes around the casket.

Taylor asks Reid if he’s ok with everything.

The Filthy Animals arrive in a bouncing car and the Misfits take notice.

Here’s Terry Funk in a tuxedo for a major announcement. His daughter (who he calls Old Blue) is here in the front row. Funk’s family thinks this announcement is way overdue but Bischoff tells someone to go to the ring. He’s told his aunt Eleanor and uncle Dutch (Madden: “DUTCH???” Tony: “Yes, Dutch Funk.”) to watch tonight but here are Shane Douglas and some New Blood lackeys to interrupt. The announcement: Terry is a grandfather! Oh and he’s retiring June 1.

Make that June 1, 2001 because his contract was extended for another year. This brings the New Blood members to the ring and Terry is quickly beaten down. Two piledrivers onto the chair knocks him out and Funk’s daughter tries to come in, only to get shoved down. Shane covers him and Cat counts the pin (with Funk not even keeping his shoulder down after that kind of a beating). Douglas takes the title and knowing WCW, that counts as a title change.

The Misfits come out to help Ralphus and Norman was the Animals’ car. Gunns distracts Ralphus and Stash changes the buckets.

Clip of the Kanyon interview from Thunder.

Here’s Mike Awesome in a wheelchair and with a halo around his head and neck. He mocks Kanyon for being out of wrestling and says he wants Page to come out here for some reason. Instead he gets the Wall and it’s time for a tables vs. ambulance match. Tables vs. amb…..WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??? It sounds like Russo was watching Frankenstein vs. the Wolfman one night and camp up with this match while he was falling asleep. Let’s get this over with.

The Wall vs. Mike Awesome

Wall kicks him in the face to start and scores with a powerslam. Not that it matters as Mike backdrops him through a table and wins it in less than 90 seconds. So it was a tables match. In Russo’s world, tables + ambulances = tables. Therefore, ambulances are in fact worthless.

Wall pops up and goes after Awesome but Shane Douglas runs out with a steel pipe. They fight into the back and Page pops out of an ambulance (because he was just in there) and everyone brawls.

We cut to the casket bring brought to the ring…..with Shane and Awesome in different clothes walking alongside it. This doesn’t even surprise me anymore.

Norman and Ralphus pour on whatever is in the new bucket. It looks like paint or paint remover.

It’s time for the Ric Flair funeral. We see a clip of Ric collapsing on Thunder and Russo goes on about how he told Ric to retire. The fans think he suck but Russo says he has the belt, which he returns to Jeff Jarrett for his third World Title in thirty six days. Russo pulls out Flair’s Rolex to throw in the casket and you know exactly what’s about to happen. Naturally Kevin Nash pops out of the casket because we haven’t seen him in a long time. He takes the title just in case you hadn’t forgotten those horrible days.

Post break Russo tells Nash that he has 45 minutes to give the title back or it’s a no holds barred match. The champ was in the background here and, again, this was all about Russo.

Here’s Scott Steiner with the Freaks dressed as University of Michigan cheerleaders. Steiner talks about the dark side of the moon rising and something that is bleeped out. As for the point tonight, Scott is now bringing his own circular cage called the Asylum and you can only get out by submitting.

Scott Steiner vs. Rick Steiner

Non-title because the US Title hasn’t meant anything in months. They start fighting as the cage is slowly lowered, making the gimmick even less important. Scott belly to bellies him down and puts on the Recliner but Scott falls for the Tank Abbott Goldberg entrance all over again. He lets go of the hold (after three minutes according to Madden) as Tank comes out with bolt cutters. Those don’t work so he beats up the guy that controls the cage and raises it up to help Rick beat Scott down. This brings out Nash (again) to help save Scott.

Pamela Paulshock, the new fake chest with a pretty blonde interviewer attached, asks Nash about what he just did. Nash wants a title shot tonight.

Chuck Palumbo vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Liz is here with Palumbo along with the security. Page gets a quick two off a belly to belly, followed by a Batista Bomb for the same. Elizabeth slams Palumbo into a rollup for two before a double clothesline puts both guys down for an eight count. Cue Kimberly to hit Liz in the back with a ball bat so the referee leaves the ring, allowing Awesome to come in with the halo. Page looks at Awesome and stands there so Mike can hit him in the face. Palumbo racks Page for the win.

Luger comes out and takes a beating of his own. Palumbo hits him in the face with the exercise bar and Luger has to go out on a stretcher.

Kimberly blames Liz for what just happened to her. I’m having a lot of trouble feeling sorry for Liz when she hasn’t taken one of her 948 chances to escape.

Here are Terry Taylor and 12 year old Reid Flair, the latter of whom wants his brother David to come out. David and Daffney come out and Reid apologizes for whatever he’s done because the family needs David. Daffney hits Terry with the Statue of Liberty but Reid, an amateur wrestling champion, double legs David down. David pops back up and puts him in the Figure Four until security breaks it up.

Vampiro vs. Hulk Hogan

Remember when this was a thing a few months ago? Well this time Vampiro comes out with a blowtorch and a can of gasoline. Vampiro jumps him to start and knocks Hogan out to the floor. A superkick knocks Hogan up against the barricade but he comes right back with punches to the face.

Hogan chairs him in the back and beats up the table for a bit before it’s weightlifting belt time. Madden runs down WWF’s finishes as Hogan slams Vampiro down. Madden: “I’m orgasmic!” Hogan kicks him low and drops the leg but opts to punch instead of cover. This brings in Kidman to hit Hogan in the head with the blowtorch to give Vampiro the pin.

Rating: F. Weapons, run-ins, Mark Madden’s orgasms. Pick a reason why this was bad and go from there.

Sting saves Hogan from being set on fire (little reaction) and lays Vampiro out.

It was in fact paint remover, triggering another brawl between the Misfits and the Animals. Major Gunns has to reluctantly give Ralphus mouth to mouth. Naturally she winds up getting tongue, which Tony finds hilarious.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash

It’s not clear if Jarrett is defending or if the title is vacant coming in. Before the bell rings, cue Russo to knock out the referee and take over his job. That’s very manly of him. Jeff hammers away to start but walks into Snake Eyes. Tony casually throws in that this is falls count anywhere. Russo’s slow count is good for one and Jeff pops up for a chair to Nash’s head. Nash no sells it of course and follows Jeff to the floor.

Another Snake Eyes on the apron is good for one as Russo crotch chops Kevin instead. A belt shot barely puts Nash down and Russo maces him to break up the Jackknife. There’s a bad looking Stroke but cue Steiner to beat Jeff down. That earns Steiner mace as well, allowing security to handcuff him to the ropes.

Nash starts choking Russo as he covers Jeff but it’s only good for two. They head outside with Nash loading up a powerbomb on Russo, only to have the blood fall……next to them. Nash is nice enough to take a step to the side so it at least touches him, allowing Jarrett to guitar him down and get the pin for the title. Or maybe to keep it as it’s not really clear.

Rating: D-. The fact that WCW still doesn’t seem to know whether or not that’s a new champion or a title defense sums up the show quite well. As usual it was way too much at once and the whole thing came off as a big mess that was thrown together instead of anything that I might want to watch.

Bischoff comes out to say that’s just the beginning for Nash. The people can bite them. Jeff declares himself the Chosen One again to end the show. That’s a cry for attention if I’ve ever heard one.

Overall Rating: F. This show was such a disaster that I don’t even know where to start. There were way too many gimmick matches (many of which ranged from stupid to nonsensical), plot devices flying by in minutes instead of over a week, ridiculous editing errors such and WAY too much Russo. That continues to be the biggest problem: Russo is all over this show and everything is about him. There’s almost nothing good about this show and it’s the same problems over and over again. WCW is beyond one saving grace at this point and it’s creating more problems for itself every single week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: April 26, 2000
Location: War Memorial, Syracuse, New York
Attendance: 1,269
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

Before we get to perhaps the most humiliating moment in wrestling history, I need to know how you only get 1,200 people to a TV taping in 2000. Less than two weeks earlier, ECW drew 1,700 at the house show where Taz returned and won the World Title. The company is on the brink of a free fall and tonight it goes over the edge. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Monday. I wouldn’t bring up that show under most circumstances but tonight it’s not the worst idea in the world.

Eric Bischoff, Kimberly and Jeff Jarrett drag David Arquette into the building. They drag Arquette into the arena and Jarrett slaps on a choke while ranting about how this is Jeff’s world. Cue Page and Kanyon but Jarrett stops them with the threat of even more violence to Arquette. Well who in the world would want to see that? Tonight it’s about the revenge of the New Blood and here are the magic words: Jarrett wants a tag match for the World Title with Page/Arquette vs. Jarrett/Bischoff where the man who gets the fall is the champion.

We see Buff Bagwell and Shane Douglas standing at the entrance to keep Page and Kanyon from doing anything but Team Package comes in to take them out. Kanyon chases the male villains off and Page almost gives Kimberly the Diamond Cutter but lets her go instead. That earns him a low blow because Kimberly is smarter than Page is. So why does Jarrett want a tag match instead of like a 15-1 handicap match where only he can get the pin? Or why not have Arquette defend the title in Page’s place? As usual, the script wanting one thing and ignoring plot holes or stupid thinking to get there.

The Cat is ready for Bam Bam Bigelow.

Arquette and company are in the boiler room. Again I ask: does no one watch the show and know where this is happening? Or can’t they find where the camera cable is going to make the save?

Recap of Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Cat.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Cat

Before we get going, Cat asks Bigelow for some mercy for what he did. After Bigelow attacked him at Spring Stampede, Cat had to do something. Bigelow thinks about it but Cat goes on too long (shocking I know) and insults Bigelow’s mama. Bigelow destroys him for a few moments and here’s Miss Hancock to scout. It’s chair time but the referee takes it away, allowing Cat to hit a Feliner for the pin in just over a minute.

Bigelow beats up Cat after the match because that kick was just enough to put him down for three. Keep in mind that it was literally the only offense Cat had.

Kidman and Torrie arrive. Thanks for showing up fifteen minutes into a two hour show.

Page keeps looking for Arquette.

The New Blood keeps yelling at Arquette. I was twelve years old when this show took place and I have the same question now that I had back then: why should I care about David Arquette? I hadn’t seen any of the Scream movies at this point and the only movie he’s been in other than that by 2000 that I’ve heard of is Buffy the Vampire Slayer in a supporting role. Unless I’m missing something big, he seems like a middle of the road comedy actor who they’re treating like Tom Cruise.

Chris Kanyon vs. Shawn Stasiak

Curt Hennig is out to do commentary as Shawn takes over early on. Kanyon comes back with his own basic stuff but gets caught in a fireman’s carry slam (almost an AA). Shawn takes too long posing though and gets rolled up for two, with Hennig getting in some lines about Stasiak not being very perfect. Kanyon gets two off a neckbreaker but Stasiak pounds him down in the corner. Instead of following up though it’s time to go outside and yell at Hennig for a bit. Back in and Curt sneaks up to the apron for a shot to the head, setting up That’s A Wrap to give Kanyon the pin.

Hennig chases Stasiak off as Mike Awesome comes to the ring to fight Kanyon. Mike gets the better of it and powerbombs Kanyon onto the announcers’ table before going after Hennig in the ring. Stasiak gets back up but Page runs in to give him a Diamond Cutter. Jarrett’s challenge for tonight is accepted.

Here’s Kidman with his ribs heavily taped and something to say. We see some clips (in black and white for some reason) of Kidman putting Hulk through a table on Monday. Marc Mero is at ringside in front of a bunch of empty seats. Kidman takes full credit for putting Hogan in the hospital on Monday and FINALLY explains the flea market comment. It only took them two and a half weeks. Kidman issues an open challenge and Torrie promises a kiss of death to the loser.

Kidman vs. Horace Hogan

Hogan comes out to American Made to tease the fans even more. Kidman gets crotched to start and drops him throat first across the barricade. Back in and a boot to the face drops Kidman again but he goes after Horace’s injured knee to take over. A hurricanrana puts Horace down as Heenan is thrilled about Hulk being in the hospital. Some things will never get old and Heenan hating Hulk is one of them.

Kidman goes up top but takes too long putting his hands to his ears, allowing Horace to avoid the top rope splash. A powerslam keeps the ribs in trouble but here’s Bischoff to ringside. Horace powerbombs Kidman clean and gets a chair but opts for a chokebomb instead. Now it’s table time but Torrie grabs Horace between the legs, allowing Bischoff to hit Hogan with a chair. Kidman bulldogs Horace off the apron and through the table, leaving Bischoff to count the pin on the floor.

Rating: C-. This was way better than it had any right to be but the stupid ending holds it back. Kidman is on fire right now but you know as well as I do that there’s almost no chance of Hulk putting him over on pay per view, making this whole thing almost totally worthless. At least Torrie looked great here.

Here’s Tank Abbott for his now twice a week call out of Goldberg. Well Ghostberg according to him. Abbott teases going after the announcers but stops at Marc Mero. Mero’s trainer gets in the ring and Mero comes in for the save, leading to a brawl with security making the save. That’s about it for Mero in WCW.

Page finds Arquette. That’s kind of a worthless story then.

Sting vs. The Wall

Tables match and Sting hasn’t washed the blood off himself yet. Sting hammers away, knocks Wall to the apron, escapes a powerslam, tries and botches a sunset bomb and the tries it again to put Wall through the table in less than a minute and a half.

Post match here’s the New Blood but Sting fights them off and gives Vampiro a Stinger Splash. Again, the New Blood looks completely inept.

Here are Russo/Bagwell/Douglas with something to say. Russo rips on the Rochester crowd because he’s not bright enough to remember that they’re in Syracuse. Buff says the same stuff he’s said about Luger for years and Shane says the same stuff he’s said about Flair for years, but at least Shane says this is a shoot. I’m sure the 24 people in the audience who know what that word means are WAY more into this now.

Cue Team Package and Flair has the microphone. Russo has some Power Plant guys guard the ring but Flair says he’s just here to talk. Hogan is the white collar champion (oh here we go) and Russo is disrespecting the legends. Flair, Sting and Luger have been going since 1985 (more like 1988 for Sting) and Russo is a mark for them. As for Douglas, the only franchise around here is Sting. Until Shane wrestles the list of men that Flair has wrestled over the years, he’ll never be Ric Flair.

If any of the three of them want to come at Team Package, they better have some, ahem, fortitude. On top of that, Flair wants a deal at Slamboree: if Russo interferes, Flair gets five minutes alone with him. Awesome speech. Now watch how Russo wastes the whole thing. Russo: “This is the part where I’m supposed to be a chicken heel.”

Russo guarantees Flair that he has big apples but Luger cuts him off and says he has Bagwell at Slamboree. Because THAT match hasn’t been done enough yet. Russo rips on the Lex Express for another reference that has nothing to do with this show. Apparently WCW owns Liz’s contract so she is going to be with Russo from now on. Security goes after her and gets beaten down, allowing Russo to kidnap Liz.

So, again, Flair does something great but Russo insists on making it all about him and how much of a MAN he is while he gets to leave with the girl because he’s such a MAN that he deserves the woman in the story. What’s the point in Flair or anybody for that matter doing something around Russo and Bischoff if the bosses are going to immediately turn it into their favor and no sell the whole thing? Hogan did it a few years back and now Bischoff and Russo are doing the exact thing. This is the kind of stuff that makes it hard to watch WCW because there’s no reason to hope it’s going to go anywhere.

Liz is put in the backseat of a car and taken away.

Paisley vs. Tammy

After Tammy takes forever to disrobe, Tony flat out says this is going to be a catfight. They slowly do bad “moves” to each other and it turns into a catfight until Tammy goes to the eyes. Tammy chokes with something and Candido chokes on the middle rope. A Stunner puts Paisley down but Tammy stops to dive on Candido, Artist and the referee at ringside. Back in and Paisley gets two off a handspring elbow. Tammy tries a northern lights suplex but gets countered into what was supposed to be a DDT for the pin.

Rating: F. These two should go learn something from the Bellas. The twins are roughly a thousand times better than these two and it’s probably a lot bigger gap than that. Total disaster here and neither of the two of them belong anywhere near the inside of a wrestling ring. This was horrible.

Candido and Tammy clean house post match.

Booker is in the back with Gene when one of Scott Steiner’s women comes in to ask what Booker plans to do against that guy from the indy circuit Mike Awesome.

Arquette wants to fight in the tag match.

Mike Awesome vs. Booker T.

Steiner comes out with his women to do commentary. Booker grabs a headlock to start but Awesome muscles him over into a belly to belly. Steiner talks about Hogan clinging to a spot, which has to mean a bald spot. There’s a spinwheel kick to put Mike down again and they head outside with Booker staying in control. Awesome comes back by sending him hard into the steps and hitting a top rope clothesline for two. He makes that look WAY too easy.

We hit the chinlock on Booker as Heenan starts sucking up to Steiner like only Heenan can do. Tony starts fearing for his life and begs anyone to talk about the match with him. Booker comes back with the kicks and a Spinarooni before going up top, only to have Steiner nail him in the back with the US Title. The Awesome Bomb is enough to give Mike the pin.

Rating: C. Awesome continues to look great and Booker is Booker, making this one of the better matches Thunder has produced in several weeks. Steiner at ringside was fine and the interference made sense for a change so I really don’t have many complaints here. I’m not sure how to react to something like that.

Steiner puts Booker in the Recliner but Chavo Guerrero, Hugh Morrus, Lash Leroux and Van Hammer make the save. The four of them plus Booker easily clean house and stand tall.

Scott Hudson has a sitdown interview with Bret Hart. Hudson asks about Bret attacking Hogan on Monday and Bret accuses Hulk of ducking him. That’s the only reason they’ve never fought. I know their match back in 1998 on Nitro was nothing great but that’s no excuse to forget about it. Hogan was willing to accept the torch from Andre but he never was willing to hand it off to Bret back in the WWF. What’s with all the references to 1993 tonight?

Hart may not be in WCW much longer due to his injuries, including a concussion. After a clip of the Goldberg kick, Hart promises to do more to make Hogan pay, but promises to put him in the Sharpshooter. This was really just a way of reminding us that Bret Hart is still alive.

WCW World Title: Diamond Dallas Page/David Arquette vs. Eric Bischoff/Jeff Jarrett

Let’s get this over with. Page is defending and whoever gets the fall is the champion. We’re not overbooked enough yet so here’s Kimberly to be guest referee. It’s a big brawl to start with the non-wrestlers fighting in the aisle. Page gets a neckbreaker so Kimberly counts one but stops due to a broken nail. A Batista Bomb gets a similar result before Kimberly counts very fast for Jeff’s rollup.

Here comes Bischoff, who says that Arquette is all done. Bischoff gets the tag as they’re actually trying to make this a match. The canned DDP chants come up as Jeff hammers on the champ in the corner. Page fights back and takes down both guys as Arquette comes back. Everything breaks down and Page kisses Kimberly for no apparent reason. Arquette spears Bischoff down as Jarrett hits Page with the title. We get a double cover and another referee comes in to count the pin on Bischoff, making Arquette the World Champion. Page is totally cool with losing the title.

Rating: N/A. I’m not going to give this a rating because the rating for this doesn’t exist. I know there are other options out there and some people disagree, but this is the lowest of the low points for WCW and perhaps wrestling as a whole. This takes away the entire illusion of wrestling and screams as loud as possible that wrestling is a huge fake story.

I understand that this is a massive publicity stunt (which failed). There are all kinds of celebrity appearances in wrestling that are often used as a cheap excuse to pop a rating (which only works in certain circumstances) but most of the time, wrestling companies know where to stop. Mr. T. was in the main event of Wrestlemania, but at least Mr. T. is a tough guy who looked like he could hold his own physically. Mike Tyson got physical because he was one of the most successful boxers of all time. Neither of those is a huge stretch.

This however was clearly just saying that it’s a big work because they didn’t even try to hide how they were setting Arquette up to win. The fact that they would rather go this route instead of trying to set something up tells you most of what you need to know about Russo and Bischoff: they keep trying shortcuts to get somewhere and once they get there, it usually leads to a horrible idea.

Why should I care about any title match going forward? Why should I care if Page and Jarrett have a fifteen minute war for the belt? David Arquette can win the title in a five minute match (which they set up earlier in the night, completely defeating the point of getting people to tune in for the moment) so why should I want to sit around for a long title match?

The example I always use for how to properly use a celebrity is Drew Carey at the 2001 Royal Rumble. Carey came in, was given a spot in the Rumble (which the show made sure to point out was going to go to D’Lo Brown or Chaz otherwise, ensuring that the fans weren’t going to wonder who else could have gotten this spot, did nothing important, left without causing any damage and gave the fans a fun little moment. No one was hurt, everybody gets what they want, and it’s looked back on pretty fondly.

This on the other hand was taking a low level actor (at least the Drew Carey Show was a pretty solid ratings winner) WINNING THE WORLD TITLE. As usual, Russo thinks that the title is just a prop with no meaning behind it and if the fans disagree, that’s on them because Russo is too busy doing MANLY things to listen to their complaints. There’s no excuse for this and it’s a shame that WCW had to sink this low.

Finally, it should be noted that Arquette thought this was a horrible idea and donated his pay to the families of Owen Hart, Brian Pillman and Darren Drozdov. He seems like a nice guy who knew his place. WCW on the other hand never understood anything and managed to take the title and the business to a never before imaginable low.

Overall Rating: D. Completely destroying the World Title’s importance aside, this wasn’t the worst show in the world. The Booker vs. Awesome match worked and the Flair promo, meaning the part without Russo, was good stuff too. We’ve reached the point where a watchable five minute match between Mike Awesome and Booker T. is the high point of the week for WCW. That’s how far we’ve sunk and I’m terrified to see where this is going to wind up.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/product/B015IN12I2

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Spring Stampede 2000
Date: April 16, 2000
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 12,556
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

It’s the night of a million tournaments because TOURNAMENTS ARE AWESOME. The company was rebooted six days ago so all titles are vacant and Russo and Bischoff are here with their latest spray painting stable with the word New in the name. The main event is Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page for the World Title because the one thing from the last few boring months that needs to stick around is Jarrett in the title scene. Let’s get to it.

A quick note: this show runs two hours and forty minutes with fourteen matches. Wrestlemania V had the same number of matches in about an hour more. You really shouldn’t be able to do that.

The opening video focuses on Bischoff/Russo vs. Flair/Hogan respectfully.

Bischoff has been told that Hogan is out of the hospital and coming here. Kidman isn’t worried because the Hummer can finish what they started. You mean Hogan can’t even sell BEING CRUSHED BY A CAR for a week?

Opening video showing clips of Russo and Bischoff. Good to know what matters here.

Tony says we’re starting a new era tonight. Didn’t we just do that Monday? And we don’t even get a night off from Madden after Tank Abbott beat him up? He looks fine too without even a neck brace. Bobby Heenan would be ashamed if he actually watched this show.

The announcers run down the card, which is a mystery to you if you didn’t watch Thunder. Also, the referees have been told to relax the disqualification rules. FROM WHAT??? The referees are already allowing low blows and interference. What are they allowing now? Wait don’t answer that. I don’t think I can sit through this show if I remember what Russo has coming.

Tag Team Title Tournament Semi-Finals; Mamalukes vs. Team Package

Disco is out with the Mamalukes because their split has been erased. Just having the match isn’t enough though so let’s go backstage to Team Package. Flair is in street clothes because this is going to be a street fight. Makes sense I guess. The announcers talk about Hogan being in the hospital. Madden: “Well a hummer can wear you out.” Wait we’re still not ready to go because ten minutes of talking before the first match isn’t enough. Russo comes out to say two veterans vs. two rookies isn’t fair, so the Harris Twins are added to make it 4-2.

It’s a big brawl to start and Flair is knocked down just a few seconds in. The regular teams pair off to beat up a veteran each but the old guys fight back and Flair gets Johnny in the Figure Four. That goes nowhere though as Flair lets go, only so Vito can kick him in the face to take over again. The Twins boot Flair in the face for two before Don pummels him in the corner. Tony doesn’t know what happens if the four men win, though to be fair I doubt Russo does either. Flair gets slammed off the top but avoids an elbow.

The goons keep the referee from seeing a tag as this is getting dangerously close to being a wrestling match. The beating continues and here are two guys to take Disco away. That would be your angle that has nothing to do with the match and has a 50/50 chance of never being brought up again. Luger gets the tag and everything breaks down but Johnny comes off the top with a spinning clothesline for two. Not that it matters as Luger Racks him for the win a few seconds later.

Rating: D. This was a Nitro match with too much added to it. As usual, Russo is convinced that no one is capable of having a match without something going on as a bonus. It’s also not a good sign that we’re seventeen minutes into this show and they’ve already changed the card from what they announced on Thursday.

Mike Awesome has been added to the US Title tournament and can’t wait to beat the nine lives out of The Cat. Bam Bam Bigelow comes in to call Awesome a jabroni, earning himself a beatdown.

We recap Mancow (Chicago radio DJ) vs. Jimmy Hart. I’m not going to dignify this with a recap. Picture any low level celebrity vs. a manager story you’ve ever seen. That would be a small pool to pick from because this is a stupid idea.

Mancow vs. Jimmy Hart

Hart comes out in a Howard Stern shirt with Emory Hale as an enforcer. Mancow gets a good reaction and comes out with some nice looking women and a bunch of his radio show personalities. We hear a bit from Mancow about how he’s doing this for revenge and for Chicago. It’s a catfight to start but a Hale distraction lets Hart get in a low blow. Madden: “This is utter nonsense.” Jimmy goes up but Mancow pulls the referee in the way, allowing Hale to come in and gorilla press Mancow onto his entourage. There’s no referee though so Mancow hits Hart with a chair for the pin.

Counting the recap, this got seven minutes. The whole show can’t even get to two hours and forty five minutes and one match breaks ten minutes, but they had seven minutes to dedicate to a Howard Stern knockoff who was there for the live crowd. Welcome to the new WCW indeed.

Post match Kidman comes out and punches Hart again.

Russo yells at the Harris Twins and the Mamalukes before swinging a ball bat either because he’s manly or because he has deep rooted issues with his masculinity and has a fixation on phallic objects.

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: The Wall vs. Scott Steiner

Scott comes out to Steinerized as the announcers speculate about Russo and Bischoff’s master plan. Of course there’s a master plan. There’s always a master plan. Steiner pounds Wall down into the corner but Wall does the same thing back to him. A low blow drops Steiner, but remember these matches have relaxed rules.

It’s time to start choking with Wall throwing Steiner around. They head outside and Wall sends him into the barricade (Hudson: “He almost threw him into Lake Michigan!” No Scott, he didn’t.) before getting a table. Steiner pokes him in the eye so Wall chokeslams the referee through the table instead, drawing a DQ from a second referee.

Rating: D. I have a feeling I’m going to be making a lot of the same complaints with this show. I’ll give them a point on this one: they kept Wall looking strong. He’s a big power lunkhead but he’s someone new and a potential monster. Steiner is still getting back from injury so this kind of a brawl probably suited him best.

The Cat babbles about James Brown and rednecks until Bam Bam Bigelow beats him down.

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: The Cat vs. Mike Awesome

If there is any justice, the Cat will be squashed like a bug. Not like a cat of course because who would want to squash a cat? Well apparently Bigelow would as he attacked Cat in the back (off camera) and has taken Cat’s place. Fans: “ECW!” Awesome clotheslines Bigelow out to the floor and takes him down with a huge dive. People his size should not be able to do that.

Bigelow is knocked into the crowd so Mike dives over the barricade to take him down again. A good looking top rope clothesline gets two for Awesome as this is a clinic so far. Bigelow reverses a belly to back into a cross body for two. My goodness there are a lot empty seats across from the hard camera. The top rope headbutt looks to set up Greetings From Asbury Park but the Cat is back. Wait can you be back if you were never here in the first place? Bigelow gets superkicked to the floor and it’s dance time! Awesome takes Cat’s head off with a clothesline and the Awesome Splash is enough for the pin.

Rating: C-. I should have known better than to get my hopes up here. This was starting to get good so they had to send the Cat out there to turn it into a comedy thing. There’s a place for those kind of antics, but it’s not in the middle of what was turning into a good power match and our introduction to Mike Awesome, who looks like a star.

In a sign of the WCW way of thinking, instead of putting over Awesome as a monster, they talk about Cat dancing. The important stuff you know.

Russo tells Bischoff to chill out. Bischoff wants Kidman to do something instead of kissing Torrie.

Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas are ready for Harlem Heat and Shane whines about Flair of course.

Tag Team Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Harlem Heat vs. Shane Douglas/Buff Bagwell

Tony says Awesome was living up to his namesake in the last match. Name, namesake, whatever. I’m surprised he got that close. Say it with me: It’s a brawl to start. Stevie gets double teamed to start with the New Blood working on his arm. The swinging neckbreaker is enough for Buff’s wrestling quota so a quick double team puts him down. T. eats a back elbow in the corner though and a quick Vader Bomb gets two for Buff. The tag brings in Shane but it’s still 2-1. Everything breaks down and a quick Pittsburgh Plunge (which Shane let go, basically making it a suplex) gives Shane the pin on Stevie.

Harlem Heat yells at each other post match.

Booker T. says he’s New Blood but he doesn’t see eye to eye with Bischoff and Russo.

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Booker T. vs. Sting

They seem more respectful here and Sting politely shoves him into the corner, followed by a hiptoss to put Booker down. Sting starts speeding things up and runs Booker down with some clotheslines. They head outside with Booker being sent hard into the barricade. Booker comes right back by dropping Sting face first onto the announcers’ table, which the announcers make sure to chalk up to the relaxed rules.

A chinlock keeps Sting in trouble and a fan will not stop with screaming for as long as he can. Booker’s knee to the ribs sets up the ax kick for two. Sting comes back with a DDT for two of his own as the announcers are dubbing this a classic about six minutes in. The Stinger Splash is broken with a boot to the ribs but his suplex is countered into the Scorpion Death Drop to send Sting to the semi-finals.

Rating: C+. If this is WCW’s definition of a masterpiece and a classic, they’re in big trouble. It’s a good match but there’s only so much you can do in less than seven minutes. Maybe they could have done more of this if not for Mancow and having everything else tonight, since having any of the preliminaries on Nitro or Thunder would have been heresy.

Booker calls Sting back inside for a fist bump.

Kidman is ready for Hogan if he comes back tonight.

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Vampiro vs. Kidman

The winner gets Sting, who Tony says “gave every ounce of his soul in that last match.” IT WAS A SIX AND A HALF MINUTE MATCH! And about a minute of that was a chinlock! Hopefully this one gets some more time. Vampiro starts fast with a clothesline and release suplex, followed by a top rope clothesline for two. Kidman’s comeback is countered by a sweet running release powerbomb. Add Vampiro to the list of those who can powerbomb Kidman.

The second powerbomb is countered into the faceplant. Madden: “We could have been seeing matches like this one years ago.” This is their fourth televised match this year alone, not counting a three way they had with the Wall a few weeks back. Add that to the list of stupid things said on this show. Kidman gets two off a side slam but Vampiro grabs a Rock Bottom (called a chokeslam, which to be fair is pretty much the same thing) to come back. We go to an overhead camera for no apparent reason and Vampiro grabs an armbar.

That’s enough back and forth action so let’s show Hogan arriving in a 1968 Dodge Charger. Kidman is terrified. I would be too if I could see images of Hogan before he’s actually in the arena. Hogan takes him to the floor and beats Kidman up, sends him into the post and throws the steps at him. A choke throw sends Kidman bouncing off the table and then a regular slam puts him through it. Back in and Vampiro gets the pin. Hogan beat him up for two minutes straight and that’s still covered under relaxed rules???

Rating: D+. This was a moment that brought me back to the days after Starrcade 1999 when Russo turned Nitro into a drama with wrestling involved. It started off as a match but once you have a two minute beatdown in plain sight of the referee, it stops being a match and becomes an angle.

Wrestling is supposed to be about angles setting up matches. With Russo, it was angles to set up more angles. This whole thing, which still hasn’t been explained in detail on TV, has only been going on six days and has seen two beatdowns and attempted murder. Where do you go from here? A bad match? In theory yeah but how big of a letdown is that going to feel like after all of this stuff?

There’s nothing wrong with mixing things up a bit, but this is backwards and leading up to a big letdown because they’re already done all their big stuff. In other words, Russo is a horrible booker who has screwed up what could have been a big story because he can’t wait to build up a story and has to do everything at once.

Oh and just to show how stupid WCW commentators were, direct quote from Tony: “You can’t disqualify him. He didn’t come in to help Vampiro.” HE BEAT KIDMAN UP FOR TWO MINUTES STRAIGHT AND SLAMMED HIM THROUGH A TABLE!!! That’s one of those lines that is so dumb there’s nothing to make fun of. The line itself is the joke.

Hogan says he’s coming for Bischoff.

Russo leaves Bischoff alone, promising to deal with Hogan.

Hogan storms through the back and……walks past the door with VINCE RUSSO AND ERIC BISCHOFF’S NAMES ON IT to open the door next to it. Add that to the list of things that the genius writers SHOULD HAVE THAT OF AND THROWN IN THE TRASH SO A MANIAC CAN’T COME IN AND KILL THEM. As a bonus, add it to the list of dumb things Hogan has done over the years. Hogan gets his hands around Bischoff’s neck so here are the cops with guns drawn for the save. You know, I’m kind of surprised Russo never had anyone get shot on one of his shows. If nothing else he could have made a “now THAT was a shoot” joke later on.

We cut to the arena and come back with Hogan being arrested by promising to be at Nitro. So yeah, this was all a way to set up a TV story. As this is going on, Terry Taylor tells Terry Funk that Norman Smiley is waiting for him in catering to start the Hardcore Title match.

Hardcore Title: Norman Smiley vs. Terry Funk

Terry finds him in the bathroom because where else would you find him. They fight out of the bathroom and it’s already fire extinguisher time. Norman is thrown into a bunch of Diet Coke cans as they head into the kitchen. A trashcan to the head puts Terry in trouble and it’s time for an INDUSTRIAL SIZE cookie sheets to the head. Again, I’d assume Tony meant industrial STRENGTH but Tony has become the wrestling version of Ted Baxter (for you old TV fans out there).

Norman climbs a ladder to get into the plumbing but Funk chairs him down and through a table full of cookies. Some chairs to the head have no effect on Terry so Norman chairs him even more on the way into the arena. They get inside and Norman channels his inner Cat by dancing, but at least it makes more sense here.

Norman actually tries the spanking dance and as you might expect, Funk isn’t pleased and caves Norman’s head in with a few chair shots. It’s ladder time but Dustin Rhodes makes the save and piledrives Terry on a chair. Funk kicks the chair into Dustin’s head though, knocking him into the ladder. A ladder shot to Norman’s face gives Terry the title.

Rating: C-. Yeah it was fine but this this might have been the longest hardcore match of all time at eight minutes. It’s entertaining enough though and that’s all you can really ask for on a show like this. In a different vein though, the Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk feud needs to stop. As far as I can remember, they’re fighting over whether Dustin is a bigger chicken than his dad, who isn’t even with this company. Why is this going on for three months?

If you ordered this show, you can get a MOUSEPAD! Tony: “That’s right. A mousepad.”

Russo tells Booker he’ll forgive him for what he did with Sting if he does a favor now. Madden rants about the handshake with Sting. It was a fist bump but I’d assume Madden was too busy finding stupid jokes to watch the show anyway.

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Mike Awesome vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner takes him down with a nice amateur move, followed by the bicep curl elbow. We pause for push-ups and Mike bails to the apron for a slingshot clothesline to take over. A top rope clothesline gets two so Steiner kicks him low. Hudson brings up the valid question of how far do relaxed rules go. Not that it matters as we’ve got Kevin Nash with a crutch to knock Awesome off the top, setting up the Steiner Recliner to send Steiner to the finals.

Rating: D. Three minutes, a low blow and interference means it’s already time for Awesome to give up to a veteran in just two minutes. I get the idea of pushing Steiner but at the same time I’m not wild on having a newcomer lose this quickly. Then again, that might mean actually pushing someone new instead of giving some newcomer lip service that they’re getting a push.

Russo fires Dustin Rhodes for letting Funk win the Hardcore Title. Russo takes credit for Goldust, which is the only time Rhodes was ever worth anything.

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Sting vs. Vampiro

Vampiro jumps him during the entrance but Sting no sells his offense and punches Vampiro right back. We get the brawling on the floor out of the way as the announcers talk about Sting’s new intensity since the new regime took over. You know, in the six days and about fifteen minutes of wrestling he’s done. A top rope splash gets two for Sting and they fight outside where the Splash hits barricade.

Vampiro kicks him in the face and drops a leg for two as a wrestling match has broken out. Sting pops up after a slam and they kind of botch what I think was supposed to be Vampiro jumping off the top but getting caught in a powerbomb. Instead it came off like he tried a diving hurricanrana but got spinebustered. Either way it wasn’t good looking but it sets up the Death Drop and Deathlock to send Sting on to the finals.

Rating: D+. This is another match that happened tonight and there’s really no reason to see these two fight anymore, though I’m sure they will because Vampiro is creepy or whatever. Sting being involved in the two clean finishes of the night makes sense but I wouldn’t mind these matches having more time for a change. Six minutes shouldn’t be on the longer side of the matches in a night.

Page says he’ll win.

Cruiserweight Title: Shannon Moore vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. Crowbar vs. Chris Candido vs. The Artist vs. Lash Leroux

The title is vacant coming in and this is one fall to a finish. Oh and we can’t get a second match to break ten minutes but we can have a 3 Count performance. Make that TWO performances as they actually have to fill in time on a show with matches these short. Thankfully everyone else charges to the ring so we don’t spend another five minutes on entrances.

It’s insanity to start and I’m sure Daffney and Helms are going to get involved. There are tags required here and Crowbar gets an early two on Candido via a northern lights suplex. The Whiplash gets two on Crowbar (just called a signature move by Tony. Not Whiplash or anything but at least he knew it was a signature more) but Juvy flips out of the same move and scores with the Juvy Driver. Everything breaks down and Daffney hurricanranas Crowbar by mistake.

Lash dives on Crowbar but takes out Daffney as well. A big series of dives leaves Candido with Helms, but David Flair comes in to dance. Artist crotches Candido (by shaking one of the ropes he wasn’t standing on) but gets thrown off, only to have Candido miss the swan dive. You can see Crowbar powerbombing Juvy but that’s not important enough to feature. Artist hits an Angle Slam (not a Samoan drop) but here’s the debuting Tammy Lynn Sytch to pull Artist off the top, giving Candido the pin.

Rating: C-. So 3 Count can dance for about two and a half minutes but the match can’t even get 5:15? I’m not sure if this was good or not because the match was another mess with no flow or idea behind it other than “get everyone’s stuff in because we don’t have time to do anything else.” Candido winning is a good choice though as he’s not your standard high flier but can actually have an entertaining match, unlike Artist.

Paisley and Tammy have a catfight post match. Shannon breaks it up and gets his crotch grabbed.

We’ve got three weeks until the next pay per view. Sweet goodness calm down people.

Jarrett says he’ll win because he has everyone in his corner.

Tag Team Titles: Team Package vs. Shane Douglas/Buff Bagwell

Flair is still in street clothes and Russo is out with Bagwell/Douglas to do commentary. Bagwell offers Luger a handshake to start but for once Luger is smart enough to not go for it. It’s time for a pose off, followed by Luger’s standard offensive sequence to take over. Shane comes in and beats Luger down, only to have Flair come in for some revenge. Hudson drops the Dynamic Dude moniker but it’s off to Buff for some right hands and a backdrop.

We hit the chinlock on Flair with Luger trying to make the save, allowing Shane to come in sans tag. Like it matters that the referee didn’t see it anyway. Shane punches Flair a lot and we get half a Flair Flip in the corner. Some F Bombs mess with the censor’s minds but Luger gets in a clothesline from the apron to give Flair a breather. Lex gets to come in for his clotheslines, including the fabled double clothesline. It’s like two at once!

Shane gets caught in the Figure Four but Buff hits Luger low and makes the save. The Blockbuster takes Shane down by mistake but Russo pulls the referee out. Now freaking Kronik debut for High Times on Luger, giving Bagwell the pin and the titles with Russo counting the pin.

Rating: D. How are you enjoying the Russo Show this evening? That’s all this show has been about: pushing Vince Russo as a featured player in a major wrestling promotion because he’s in charge and gets to do whatever he wants and feel important. Lame match again, mainly because Shane isn’t interesting in the ring.

Steiner says he’ll win.

Sting says he’ll win.

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Sting

So…..I think Sting is the heel here? It’s really not clear. Steiner hammers him down but gets dropkicked out to the floor, allowing Sting to get in a dive. Sting’s top rope splash hits knees though and Steiner drops him with a gorilla press. Back up and Sting breaks up a superplex, only to have the Stinger Splash hit the referee. We’re still not done yet though as Vampiro pops up through the ring and pulls Sting underneath. Sting comes out with a bloody mouth, which is described as covered in blood, setting up the Recliner to give Steiner the title.

Rating: D-. Notice that all of the New Blood guys winning here are veterans? Like I said, it’s because this whole “let’s push the young guys” is lip service and you could tell by watching for five minutes. This was another bad match to add to the pile with Russo making sure to put in everything he could to every match and making the action a backdrop to whatever is supposed to lead up to the next angle. It’s a never ending cycle and Russo never saw why that was a problem because Russo doesn’t get how wrestling works.

We recap Monday, which is another way to feature Russo. They throw in the World Title tournament stuff to try to make it sound interesting.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Kimberly is here with Page, more or less guaranteeing a swerve. They start fast by trading some big shots until Page’s jumping tornado DDT gets two. Kimberly gets in a slap on the floor and the fight goes into the crowd, which only shows off all the empty seats. Page gets the better of it and they finally get off the wide shot and show them coming back to ringside.

Jeff uses Kimberly as a shield but still gets sunset flipped for two. He’s still able to crotch Page on top though, setting up a superplex. Instead of covering like a wrestler should, Jarrett brings in a chair as Tony starts talking about the WWF for some reason. The match slows down until Page avoids a charge in the corner and hits a good looking sitout powerbomb for two.

We’ve got Bischoff in the aisle because this match hasn’t been entertaining enough. They head outside with Jeff using various things fans hand him, including Page’s book, as they’re now ripping off ECW. Kimberly saves Page from getting crotched on the post (Madden: “Get away you scurvy wench.”) and Jeff gets crotched instead. The Diamond Cutter misses and the referee goes down. Again. A belt shot gets two on Page so it’s Figure Four time. Kimberly has the guitar and just get to the screwjob already.

Page gets to the rope after about a minute and a half and gets a pair of near falls off some rollups. Back up and Jeff dives into a swinging Rock Bottom and it’s sleeper, sleeper, belly to back suplex. Bischoff tries to interfere and there’s the Diamond Cutter but Kimberly comes in with the guitar and hits Page (I’m too tired to even make fun of it at this point) to give Jeff the title. At least the fans popped for the swerve.

Rating: C+. Match of the night here which could have been better had they swapped the participants in the last two matches. Page vs. Jarrett sounds like a US Title match and Steiner vs. Sting could be a World Title match under the right circumstances. This match worked better because it had time and because the people in the match know how to work well enough to get around the lame booking ideas.

The New World Order (yeah it’s the same thing, down to most of the members) celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. I know I’m supposed to yell about how bad this was but there’s a problem: I barely remember anything on this show five minutes after it wrapped up. This show was about two months of TV crammed into two hours and forty minutes. Save for the main event, nothing had time to go anywhere and nothing had time to develop because we had to get in all of Russo’s segments (how many were there? Eight or so?) and all of the other shenanigans, yet the show was only two hours and forty minutes.

The show stayed so short by following a simple idea: don’t let them wrestle. Of the fourteen matches, one of them broke nine minutes. I’ve covered the lame booking and Russo not knowing how to run a wrestling show to death and I’m sure I’ll get to it more in the future, but this show was such a total overload. There’s WAY too much on here to know if anything was really good or not and the little bit that does stick out is quickly forgotten for the sake of whatever else Russo has to throw out there.

The main thing that stood out here was how they’re not even hiding what they’re doing here. It’s another big NWO style superstable with the evil bosses in charge, but you pick JEFF JARRETT as the focal point? I know Russo has always been a fan but good grief you have Scott Steiner right there and you go with Jarrett? The idea of the youth movement is fine, but like I said earlier: the only champion who is actually young (or at least didn’t feel like a veteran) here is Candido, who had years of experience of his own. It’s a youth movement with people who aren’t actually young and WCW hopes we can’t figure it out.

I can’t say it’s the worst show I’ve ever seen, but most of this show’s problems are due to how much stuff it has going on. You can’t tell which way is up on this show (hint: look at the buyrate and go the other way), let alone have anything leave an impact on you. Russo never understood the idea of letting something breathe and it shows badly on something like this. The really bad times are coming, but this is much more about being too hectic for its own good and booking WAY too much into a show that should have been ten minutes longer with fewer matches packed in there.

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Thunder
Date: April 12, 2000
Location: World Arena, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Attendance: 3,118
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

Now this is the interesting show for me as Monday was all about setting up this new world. This show is the first time where we get to see how things are going to work under the Russo and Bischoff regime. I thought Monday’s show was a disaster so maybe things can pick up tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of Monday, which still doesn’t explain why the Hummer is now white.

Russo and Bischoff arrived in a Porsche earlier today.

Opening sequence.

There’s a new set, which is just a big video screen instead of the old Thunder logo.

Tony welcomes us to the second show of the Russo/Bischoff Era. Something else about this: Russo and Bischoff are billed as writers, which would mean that there is probably a group of bosses above them. Instead though, all you hear about is how they’re running things now. As usual, the more you think about this story, the less sense it makes.

Here are Russo/Bischoff and the New Blood with Bischoff saying what a great night “last night” was. Bischoff gets right to the destruction of Hollywood Hogan with Kidman being very pleased with Monday’s results. Russo, with Flair’s watch around his neck on a chain, says the crowd is so loud that it reminds him of New York, but this town sucks. He keeps up the “last night was awesome” trend and proclaims himself the bat man of WCW due to knocking out Flair.

Shane says he’s been calling Flair out for years and now Ric has finally taken the bait. That right there is a better explanation than anything we got on Monday. Bischoff promises new champions across the board on Sunday. As for tonight, Jeff Jarrett and Diamond Dallas Page have the night off. Kimberly on the other hand is going to be in action against Madusa.

This brings out Page, who says he can deal with whatever problem Bischoff has with him anytime. Kimberly isn’t a part of it though and Page would love to fight Bischoff instead. Eric says not so fast because he’s more interested in seeing what Kimberly wears to the ring tonight. Page goes after him but Bam Bam Bigelow attacks from behind because Bam Bam Bigelow is New World Order. Yeah I know they’re calling it the New Blood but it’s the NWO. And not the Harris Twins version. The Millionaires Club comes in and it’s a huge fight until security breaks it up.

Tony actually tells us about some of Sunday’s card with a suicide six man elimination tag. What is suicidal about it? Nothing of course but alliteration is good. As for the Tag Team Titles, we’re having a tournament including the Mamalukes, Harlem Heat, Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas and Team Package.

There’s also going to be a tournament for the US Title. There are six unnamed men in the tournament so far with Sid and Sting facing three men in individual handicap matches for the final two spots. The Hardcore Title match will be determined later tonight. You can now say that WCW threw a pay per view card together in two and a half minutes, save for the World Title match, which was determined in about ten minutes of “action” on Monday.

Chris Candido/Juventud Guerrera/The Artist vs. Shannon Moore/Crowbar/Lash Leroux

These are the six men in the Cruiserweight Title match on Sunday. Shannon dives through the falling confetti to dropkick Artist and everyone comes into the ring, plus a beach ball thrown in by a fan. Candido powerbombs Lash down but we need to look at David Flair dancing in front of Paisley. Daffney literally gives him the hook (between the legs) to drag him away.

It’s off to Juvy for some right hands to Shannon as this is more coherent than I was expecting. Shannon comes back with a big Fameasser and brings in Crowbar, who drops himself on the mat a few times. A very spinning headscissors puts Crowbar on the floor where he has a quick fight with David due to reasons of insanity. Candido dives onto both of them as Tony admits there was no wrestling on Monday. Lash and Juvy follow with dives of their own until Shannon busts out a top rope Asai moonsault to put all of them down.

Shannon and Crowbar get in a fight (they’re teammates, but can you blame them for forgetting that in a match like this?), followed by Daffney taking Helms (not in the match) down with a hurricanrana. The Juvy Driver gets two on Crowbar and a double DDT puts him down again. Artist breaks up Candido’s (his partner) cover though, followed by Artist giving Candido the jumping DDT. Crowbar’s sitout gordbuster is enough to pin Candido.

Rating: B. Enjoy this one, as I don’t think you’re going to see anything close to this entertaining all night long. Or all month long more than likely. This was the kind of insanity that the division was lacking for so long with the Artist on top and it was nice to have a throwback to the good old days.

Page says Kimberly vs. Madusa isn’t happening but he’d love to bang Bigelow.

Russo and Bischoff come in to see Harlem Heat and ask them to take Sid out tonight. Why don’t they just write Sid out if the writers are all powerful? I guess this is supposed to be a real beatdown?

Ready to Rumble premiere video?

Curt Hennig jumps Shawn Stasiak.

Harlem Heat vs. Sid Vicious

This is Sid’s qualifying match. So did Russo and Bischoff think Harlem Heat was going to lay down for him when they wanted Sid taken out? Sid fights off Big T. and Stevie at first but stops to go after J. Biggs, allowing the two of them to totally miss a double bicycle kick. A double flapjack drops Sid again and Cash adds a splash for two. Tony: “THAT’S INCREDIBLE!” Booker comes in and attacks Harlem Heat, meaning him acting as a heel on Monday is already forgotten. The Millennium Bomb ends Stevie.

The Wall comes in with a chair and knocks out Sid. We cut to an annoyed Russo and Bischoff, with the latter coming out and giving the win to Harlem Heat via DQ. Therefore, Sid isn’t in the tournament. The announcers now tell us that it was a No DQ match, which really should have been mentioned earlier but I doubt they knew when the match started.

Jimmy Hart is looking for Bischoff.

Bischoff could be found in the New Blood locker room yelling at Booker.

Total Package vs. Shane Douglas

Luger has his music back and Shane fails at jumping him during the entrances. Page vs. Bigelow is confirmed for tonight as we continue the booking on the fly idea. Luger stomps him down but Shane grabs the belly to belly. In ECW it wins World Titles but here it’s a transitional move so Shane can get slammed off the top. They head outside with Luger hitting his clothesline (I’ll put the over under at four in this match) Back in and the referee gets bumped, allowing Shane to kick Luger low. Cue Flair to chop Shane and hit him low as well, setting up the Torture Rack for the win.

Rating: D+. So two weeks ago Luger and Flair were heels but now a story wide angle has turned them face. That comes off as lazy writing to me as I’m really having issues wanting to cheer for Luger for being an old rich guy who is putting in the same effort he has for years now. But at least he has his music back.

Bischoff blows Jimmy Hart off.

Later tonight it’s Flair vs. Buff Bagwell. If Luger interferes, Team Package is suspended for six months.

The announcer jabber for a bit before giving us a camera angle from inside Hogan’s limo when it was crushed by the Hummer. Thankfully they point out that it was a security camera, but unfortunately they don’t explain why it was pointed out the window. Hogan is going to be hospitalized for two weeks, meaning he gets to miss another major pay per view. That’s probably a good thing actually.

Jimmy Hart calls Bischoff out for an explanation of what he did to Hogan. Instead Kidman charges to the ring and beats Hart up. Jimmy gets a red NB spray painted on him for good measure.

Kimberly tells Page that she’s fighting tonight. Kimberly: “Be positive.” Page: “OF WHAT???”

Scott Steiner vs. Booker vs. The Wall vs. Vampiro vs. Kidman vs. The Cat

This is a Colorado Collision match between the six men already in the US Title tournament. Two men start and another is added every minute with pins or submissions for eliminations. Ignore the fact that these people are all stable mates, save for maybe Booker. Booker and Wall get things going with the big man getting kicked in the face a few times. The Book End sets up the ax kick and a Spinarooni but Wall pops up.

Cat comes in at about 55 seconds to kick Booker over the top, allowing Wall to chokeslam him through a table. Cat wants both guys counted out…..and that’s exactly what happens. With nothing left to do, Cat dances to fill in time. The camera goes wide to show the next entrant running down to the ring before realizing that it’s a medic to check on Booker.

Why Wall is down from chokeslamming someone isn’t clear but Steiner comes in to beat down the Cat. He actually fights back and drops Steiner as Kidman and Torrie come out, but Kidman doesn’t want to get in. Steiner suplexes Cat out of his shoes so Kidman can slide in and steal a pin. That’s fine with Steiner who drops him across the top rope. A belly to belly superplex eliminates Kidman and it’s Vampiro to complete the field. Sting runs in and gives Vampiro the Death Drop though, setting up the Recliner and the win for Steiner.

Rating: D. As usual, what started with an interesting idea gets bogged down by overbooking and allegedly cute ideas instead of letting them wrestle. You really shouldn’t have five people eliminated in less than six minutes, at least not if you want these guys to be taken seriously.

Team Package isn’t worried and Flair is still dressed in top fashion.

Kimberly vs. Madusa

Kimberly looks GREAT here, rocking some DX colors in what is probably an inside joke that no one but Bischoff and Russo get or find funny. Madusa shoves her down in the corner to start and asks why Kimberly wants to do this. Page quickly comes in and saves his wife before giving Madusa a pretty unnecessary Diamond Cutter. This was a thinly veiled excuse to have Kimberly in a tiny outfit.

This Week in WCW Motorsports.

Brian Knobbs/Fit Finlay vs. Meng/Hugh Morrus vs. Terry Funk/Norman Smiley

Hardcore three way tag with the winning team facing off for the Hardcore Title on Sunday. I’ve heard worse ideas. Meng and Knobbs fight to the floor as Tony tries to keep track of the teams. There are three separate fights going on here and I’m not even going to try to call anything outside of high spots.

Morrus puts Smiley on a table near the stage but misses a dive and crashes instead. Meng and Knobbs go to the concession area for the normal food spots but Meng stops to spear a Goldberg cardboard cutout. Why a cardboard cutout was there isn’t clear but whatever. They fight outside with Knobbs being thrown over a balcony of unknown height. After a quick look at Funk and Finlay fighting at ringside, we see Smiley vs. Morrus in the back with Norman being slammed on concrete.

The announcers say this is about impressing Russo and Bischoff because titles mean nothing at this point. Norman gets thrown into the mouth of a tiger helmet, which I believe is a prop for the hockey team. Back in the arena, Finlay DDTs Funk on the exposed concrete. Funk shrugs it off and throws Fit through a table in the corner before piledriving him onto the broken wood. Cue Dustin Rhodes for Shattered Dreams on Funk. Dustin and Fit go outside to set up a table but here’s Norman Smiley to steal the pin on his own partner. Sure why not.

Rating: C+. As insane as this was and as dumb as the ending was (and as repetitive as this show has been with all the wild brawls and multi-man matches), this was actually entertaining. They made it feel like a wild fight instead of something calm and structured which is always appreciated. Good stuff here and I like the stipulation instead of just another tournament or six way match on Sunday.

The bosses tell the Villanos to destroy Sting.

We see a clip of Jeff Jarrett pretending to be a Villano and guitarring Sting from earlier in the future. Oh you don’t remember that happening? That’s because WCW screwed up the production and aired part of the show out of order. I thought I had a bad copy of the show but I looked up live reports from 2000 and it aired out of order on the original broadcast.

For all of the people who say it was a shame WCW went out of business (and I agree on some levels, especially for the wrestlers who worked hard but were stuck under a glass ceiling), this is the kind of thing its detractors point to. With all the money they had, no one could watch a two hour show and make sure it was in the right order? A college intern could do that and point out this kind of a mistake, but here it is on national TV, two days into their big reboot. There’s bad wrestling and writing, but this is pure incompetence.

So anyway, Jarrett is in the back with Gene and threatens to slap the liver spots off of him before he wins the title on Sunday.

David Arquette is here.

Ric Flair vs. Buff Bagwell

Flair is in street clothes. Bagwell hammers him down to start but Flair fires off chops in the corner. Tony talks about which teams the fans have aligned themselves with, which makes me wonder who I’m supposed to be cheering for. The old guys who hold down talent should be villains but the New Blood keep cheating and work for the evil bosses. Oh right: shades of gray. They fight to the floor and a fan dressed as Sting jumps the barricade and beats on Flair with a ball bat for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Yay for Russo getting a major spot instead of Vampiro, who was the one feuding with Flair before the reboot. That’s the power of writing the shows I guess, because we really don’t know much about Russo other than he’s few New York and likes the young guys. Why he’s going after Flair isn’t really clear but why let that stop him?

Sting vs. Los Villanos

Gee I wonder what’s going to happen. Nothing probably, because WCW just lets that kind of nonsense happen. Sting has to beat all three, unlike Sid earlier. He cleans house to start and pins two Villanos in about thirty seconds with a double Scorpion Death Drop. There goes the referee, allowing the remaining Villano to hit Sting low a few times. It’s guitar time and Villano unmasks as Jeff Jarrett. I’m not going to bother with the mock shock and awe because it’s too pathetic to make fun of. Cue Page with a Diamond Cutter, giving Sting the pin.

Rating: D. You could see Russo as Sting during this match, meaning they edited the show out of order. Why? The two matches airing in either order doesn’t change anything so why mess with it? My guess is someone meddling in something they had no business being involved in and causing this kind of screwup.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Bigelow stomps him down to start but Page throws him into the corner for rights and lefts. The discus lariat gets two on Bam Bam but he comes back with a Samoan drop for two. We hit the reverse chinlock before the top rope headbutt to the back gets two. An attempt at a Diamond Cutter is countered into a ref bump but Page avoids another headbutt. The Diamond Cutter connects on the second attempt but Bischoff comes out and stops his count at two. Cue Jarrett with the guitar to knock Page out. Tony: “This is not good for Page.”

Rating: D+. Yeah whatever. The psychology made sense as Bigelow (you know, the nearly fifteen year veteran who is now New Blood. I’d love to hear about him being held down) went after Page’s eternally injured ribs and back but the ending was very predictable, as always in this era.

Speaking of not good, David Arquette jumps the barricade and gets beaten up with security nowhere in sight. The Stroke puts Arquette down and here’s Kanyon to beat Jarrett up but Bischoff chairs him down. Page gets spray painted to end the show. They’re not even trying to hide the NWO stuff at this point.

Oh and no word on if Brian Knobbs died when he was backdropped off a balcony, possibly dropping thirty feet onto concrete. Bischoff’s run-in was more important.

Overall Rating: C+. If you ignore the horrible production error, the constant run-in finishes and all the sucking up to Russo and Bischoff, this was actually a heck of a show and the best Thunder in a long time. The wrestling was good to quite good and they basically put together the entire card for Sunday in one night. That’s quite the task but they pulled it off here. Not bad.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: March 29, 2000
Location: Astro Arena, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 5,727
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

This show is pretty much worthless given what’s coming in a few weeks. Therefore, it’s just another week of meaningless Thunder so at least it’s a regular show. The promotion is so dull at this point that there’s only so much they can do to make this last night before the reboot interesting. Let’s get to it.

By the way, of those 5,727, only 1,727 were paid. In the year 2000, Houston, Texas had a population of 1.9 million people. You should be able to draw 2,000 people if you hang a sign outside the building that says STAY CLEAR! RABID SQUIRREL OUTBREAK!

Opening sequence. The fact that Oklahoma is seen having a match in the video tells you all you need to know.

As soon as we’re in the arena, it’s time to talk about Russo and Bischoff. This is going to be a very long night.

Chris Candido vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Candido goes right after him to start as the announcers talk about Michael Modest’s win on Monday. A northern lights suplex gets two on Chavo but the referee gets knocked to the floor. Cue the Artist to nail Candido and Modest comes in to go after Chavo, only to eat a DDT. He doesn’t bother to sell it though as he has to hit a quick White Noise, setting up Candido’s top rope headbutt for the pin. This match didn’t break two minutes and had a ref bump and two run-ins. Oh yeah Russo is back.

They all brawl post match and Chavo dives onto Modest and Candido before chasing Artist to the back.

The announcers talk about Russo and Bischoff arriving soon. I should probably just copy that for later.

Recap of Nitro, focusing on Sting and Luger’s comedy brawling and Hogan vs. Wall.

Dustin Rhodes asks a horse statue what he should think about Russo and Bischoff arriving. A lot of wrestlers are asked about this throughout the night so I’m not going to bother saying what they’re talking about unless it’s something different.

Kidman gets the same treatment, minus the horse. Instead he talks about politics and elevating young talent to get the ratings back on top. I think I’d rather hear from the horse.

Some WCW people were at a charity basketball game. Nothing wrong with that.

Jim Duggan vs. Barbarian

Oh come on. Like, come on. I’m a Jim Duggan fan and I even had the foam 2×4 on my wall as a kid. I met him at Axxess last year and he was the nicest guy in the world. But I have absolutely no desire to see him wrestling in 2000, especially against someone like Barbarian. The worst part: this is probably going to get way more time and have a much cleaner finish than the first match. Duggan comes out in his janitor’s outfit with the TV Title on backwards (this is non-title because it’s only defended on Saturday Night) because Jim Duggan is TV Champion in the year 2000.

Duggan slugs away with his big right hands and a clothesline sends Barbarian out to the floor. Tenay hypes up a bunch of wrestlers telling us their thoughts on Russo and Bischoff returning throughout the night. This announcement came out two days ago on Nitro and I’m already numb to it. Tonight’s big draw is opinions on the new creative team? It’s like a dirt sheet got a TV deal and is running matches with whatever talent they could find, including these relics from the 1980s.

I mean, this match feels like it should be main eventing a legends of wrestling card at the county fair. It’s bad enough that I’m seeing a match that probably took place at a dozen house shows ten years ago, but now it’s the second match on Thunder in 2000 as Tenay promises more wrestlers discussing backstage politics, whatever that means to most wrestling fans.

I’m trying to get off of this and keep going with the match but I can’t wrap my head around how far this show and company has sunk. How is it possible that less than two years ago, Goldberg was the hottest thing the company has ever seen and now this is the best they can do? That really is impressive when you think about it.

Barbarian puts Duggan in a bearhug because what else is he going to do to him. Some shots to the head break Duggan out, because of all the things they don’t hold over here, they forget the racial stereotypes. Duggan finally bites the face to escape and now the right hands to the head work. The three point clothesline is countered with a boot to the face but Duggan shrugs it off, hits a horrible clothesline and drops the Old Glory knee for the pin.

Rating: F. I was right. It ran about four and a half minutes, or more than double the opener, and had a completely clean finish. The worst part is that the match actually had a story to it. A weak story but a story nonetheless. It’s the lack of any kind of caring for the match that makes it a failure, because there is no justification for these two to be out there on this stage.

Torrie Wilson thinks it can get them back on top of the ratings war.

Norman Smiley is glad Bischoff is back because he hired Norman in the first place and Russo got behind the Screaming Norman character. Yes character, because the stuff you see on camera is fake, but this interview is real.

The Cat vs. Dustin Rhodes

Aren’t these two both heels? Cat doesn’t want to hurt Dustin so here’s a replacement.

Mr. Jones vs. Dustin Rhodes

Yes it’s Dustin Rhodes vs. Virgil. Dustin is rightfully ticked off so he punches Jones a few times, bulldogs him, gets distracted by Cat, and takes a chair to the head from Terry Funk for the DQ.

Cat dances and does the James Brown cape thing, only to elbow Jones in the process.

Tank Abbott and Curt Hennig are in the positive camp.

Shannon Moore/Shane Helms vs. Los Fabulosos

If there is ANY justice in the world, this will be a 45 minute match. 3 Count performs before the match but Miss Hancock cuts them off. I really shouldn’t be conflicted about this but I’m not sure which I’d rather see. For some reason Tenay is stunned that Hancock is with Los Fabulosos. Evan is the one on the floor here. Los Fabulosos try a double sunset flip to start before double teaming Shannon. Evan unsuccessfully hits on Hancock (can’t blame a guy for trying) as Los Fabulosos have some miscommunication. King is hurricanranaed out to the floor but Evan isn’t ready for the double teaming. Instead, Dandy rolls Shane up for the pin.

Chavo thinks it could work.

The Cat hopes it means more TV time.

Here are Disco Inferno and the Mamalukes, with Disco saying that if the Mamalukes can beat Harlem Heat, they get a title shot. However, Vito isn’t happy. First off, they’re Paisans, not Mamalukes. Secondly, Disco isn’t doing anything for them, so until he learns how to manage them, they’re going to manage him. That starts with this match.

Disco Inferno vs. Tank Abbott

Tenay: “OH YEAH!” Disco faints but Tank picks him up for some slams and the big right hand ends this in less than a minute.

We’re five matches into this show and Duggan vs. Barbarian is still the longest match on the show by far.

One of the Twins likes the idea of a 1975 booking style in 2000. What does that even mean?

US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Booker

Jeff is defending and lets the NWO girls stick around again. Booker hammers away to start and gets a quick two off a rollup. The ax kick is broken up by the Harris Twins though, which the referee somehow misses. Back in and the champ chokes on the ropes but crotches himself by mistake. You know, as opposed to those times where you intentionally crotch yourself.

Instead it’s time for the sleeper but Booker fights back because Jeff’s sleeper doesn’t have the best track record. Jeff gets crotched against the post and Booker scores with a missile dropkick. The Twins offer a distraction (because you can’t just not look at them) and Jeff gets in a belt shot for two. The referee goes down but Jeff’s middle rope guitar shot is caught in a Rock Bottom, only to have the Twins come in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Well it beat Duggan and Barbarian. It was by thirteen seconds, but at least it did beat it. Of course it required two run-ins, a ref bump a belt shot and an attempted guitar shot before the interference to end the show, but it was longer than Duggan vs. Barbarian. Booker is getting closer but I don’t see anything good for him out of this new regime. Maybe he’ll tell us about it later!

Booker cleans house post match.

Miss Hancock, called Stacy, is happy with the returns.

Duggan thinks it could go well for him if they stop being prejudiced.

Mamalukes vs. Harlem Heat

I think the winners get a title shot but it’s not clear if Disco was lying earlier. Vito and Stevie get things going but it’s quickly double teaming to put Stevie down. Johnny comes in to try a springboard but he gets kicked down to change control. Big T.’s spinebuster drops Johnny again as the announcers actually call the match for a change. Johnny’s spinning kick to the face sets up the hot tag to Vito so house can be cleaned. Everything breaks down and Harlem Heat takes over again with Cash sending Johnny into the post on the floor. Cash comes in and the match is FINALLY thrown out.

Rating: D. Bad match here as the Mamalukes are now somehow one of the best teams in WCW. Now what do I mean by that? Are they better than the Jung Dragons or 3 Count? Probably not, but those teams are cruiserweights and therefore totally different than the regular tag teams. That’s one of those WCW things: people are put in slots and that’s where they are no matter what they do.

Vampiro is happy. He looks weird without paint on, but he’s happy with the new writers.

This Week in WCW Motorsports. You would think they would ask the driver about the new writers.

Shannon thinks it’s a plus.

Kidman vs. Ron Harris

Kidman gets a jobber entrance because of all the time spent on talking to wrestlers about writers. Kidman tries to speed things up but the wind from a missed big boot puts him down. Some right hands have little effect on Ron so Don low bridges Kidman out to the floor. A whip into the barricade keeps this match going because you need more Ron Harris in your life. Back in and a middle rope dropkick drops Ron and an awkward looking high cross body gets two. That’s enough though so here’s Don for the DQ.

Rating: D. So let me get this straight. They took a team like the Harris Brothers, who aren’t interesting, aren’t over, and aren’t very good and gave them the Tag Team Titles. What do they do next? Take away the one thing they have going for them (being twins in case you were trying to figure it out) and get rid of it for the sake of a lame fake injury angle. I know I say this company can’t get any dumber but they continue to astound me.

Shane Helms says yay and Johnny the Bull agrees.

Hardcore Title: The Dog vs. Brian Knobbs

Yes Dog is back and this time Billy Silverman has him on a leash. Brian is defending and brings out a dumpster full of weapons. Dog gets in a good trashcan lid shot but Knobbs sprays him with a fire extinguisher. They head outside with Dog being whipped into the barricade before it’s table time back inside. Knobbs charges into a boot but Dog bites instead of covering. Brian sends him through the table in the corner before a middle rope trashcan shot is enough to retain the title.

Rating: D. As usual, there’s nothing to this idea and the match was the same one we’ve seen Knobbs have for months. The worst part here is the Dog, which has to be one of the worst gimmicks of all time. Above all else with it though, it’s not even a complex character. It’s like wrestling as the Wolfman or putting the word Big before your name. There was clearly no effort put into this, but they somehow made it as stupid as it could possibly be. I mean THE GUY IS A DOG! How can they possibly think this is the best they can put on TV? These things astound me more and more every single week and my mind can’t handle much more.

Bagwell and Knobbs like the idea. Wait….has ANYONE been against the idea? For something that’s so controversial, the results have been nearly unanimous. They can’t even keep their storylines right with worked shoot promos.

Buff Bagwell vs. La Parka

The Skull Captain is in the hizz-ouse! He loses control of the mic again and starts talking even when the mic isn’t at his lips. The voice calls Buff lumpy and promises a beating as La Parka holds up a sign that says I’M SORRY. This is another good example of why WCW is so frustrating. The whole La Parka vs. the voice thing is actually a clever idea.

Unfortunately, he’s being fed to people like Tank Abbott who is still doing the same thing he was doing when he started or Buff Bagwell, who is doing the same thing since he became Buff Bagwell because La Parka isn’t a guy that can go anywhere, like say into the Cruiserweight Title picture over someone as boring as the Artist. Therefore he’s stuck working as hard as he can and getting nowhere while Buff stayed around WCW’s midcard despite being a jerk who never seemed to put in any effort.

La Parka punches and kicks before nailing a hard clothesline, only to get backdropped down. Probably out of frustration, La Parka hits him low and then drills Buff with a chop. An enziguri gets two as the announcers mostly ignore the match to talk about the Wall. La Parka goes up and mostly botches a split legged moonsault for two. A corkscrew moonsault misses (on purpose this time) and the Blockbuster gives Buff the pin.

Rating: D+. So yeah, the over and skilled guy gets to lose to the guy who has been here nine years and barely ever accomplished a thing because one of them has star potential. We’ll ignore the fact that Bagwell hasn’t actually lived up to any of that potential since he got to WCW but it’s still there so let’s keep giving him wins.

Ric Flair is asked his opinions and says he’ll need ten minutes on Nitro to get through them all.

The Wall vs. Vampiro

Wall throws the chair in but eats a Van Daminator to knock him to the floor. I’m not even going to bother to complain about the lack of a DQ. Vampiro dives to take Wall down but Wall drops him ribs first across the top rope. Back up and Wall punches the chair into Vampiro’s face before drawing out a table. Vampiro chairs Wall through the table though and that’s the DQ.

Wall gets up again and slugs it out with Vampiro but security breaks it up. The guys beat up security and slug it out as the show ends.

Overall Rating: E. As in embarrassed. WCW should be embarrassed for putting this on. I know that WCW isn’t known for having the best brain trust behind it, but I refuse to accept that anyone who works in wrestling can look at this show and think that it’s the best possible product they can put out there.

In about 82 minutes of TV time, we saw 11 matches, none of which broke five minutes. Now there are shows that can have short matches and make it work. The old WCW show did and NXT makes it work a lot of the time today. However, that idea doesn’t work when five of the eleven matches have clean finishes, assuming you count the hardcore match as a clean finish. Other than that, every match ended in a DQ or was thrown out. How is that good wrestling? How is that good television?

Oh but wait because there’s other stuff besides wrestling. I can go with that. 1997 Monday Night Raw had some horrible wrestling but the promos were so awesome that it was one of the best years the company ever had. What did we get for promos on this show? Sixteen soundbytes from wrestlers and a valet, saying they think the new writers can turn WCW around, basically saying “yeah we kind of suck right now.”

That’s Thunder this week. 11 matches, nothing over five minutes, five clean finishes (one of which was Tank Abbott over Disco Inferno in 50 seconds) and 16 quick promos all saying some version of the same thing. Any guesses as to what Smackdown aired the next night for the WWF’s mid week show? Chris Jericho vs. Eddie Guerrero and Rock vs. Kurt Angle. The oldest of those four at this point: Eddie Guerrero, age 32. In other words, not Jim Duggan vs. the Barbarian.

I’ve watched a lot of wrestling, including every Nitro, Thunder and Raw. I’ve sat through the old Herb Abrams UWF, Wrestling Society X and some flat out awful old school and indy shows. This show in particular got to me though, because it felt like the people producing it were laughing at wrestling fans and trying to insult them.

As bad as wrestling can get at times, you very rarely get the feeling that there isn’t at least some effort. Even in a company like TNA, it feels like they’re trying but just lost their way a long time ago. This show felt like WCW was saying “Those idiots are still watching. Let’s see how much they can take.” Then they sat back and laughed at the people who actually stuck with them because their salaries were guaranteed no matter how bad their product became.

This show was an embarrassment for WCW and wrestling fans in general. I feel sorry for the people who tried to make it work, because they’re fighting a battle that the people in power don’t want to win. The reboot is coming soon, but if this is what we’re going to have coming with it, things are going to get a lot sadder before they get better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, make sure to check out the Wrestling Bundle, which wraps up Sunday August 23 at midnight EST. Here are the details:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/08/16/the-wrestling-bundle/

Summerslam 2006
Date: August 20, 2006
Location: TD Banknorth Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 16,168
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Joey Styles, John Bradshaw Layfield

This is an interesting show as a lot has changed since last year but WWE is still in the same kind of situation: the shows are coming and going and not a lot is changing. The shows aren’t bad, but there’s nothing that feels like required viewing. This year we have DX vs. the McMahons, Edge defending the Raw Title against Cena, Batista challenging King Booker for the Smackdown Title, Flair vs. Foley in an I Quit match, Hogan vs. Randy Orton and the first ECW Title match in WWE PPV history. The card is stacked but nothing on here feels must see. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about DX taking over the company with their sophomoric jokes. The other matches get some lip service as well.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

Guerrero claimed that Rey was leeching off the Guerrero name, which he totally was but Guerrero is still playing the heel here. We get videos on Eddie’s relationships with both Rey and Chavo, conveniently ignoring Rey vs. Eddie from last year. Apparently Chavo is coming out of retirement for one night only. The brawl is on fast and JBL is WAY into it already. Chavo hits a quick uppercut and catches a standing Lionsault into a powerslam position, only to have Rey armdrag him out to the floor.

Mysterio misses a plancha to the floor and Chavo hits a big dive of his own to take over. Chavo shouts that it’s his blood instead of Rey’s as JBL calls this the biggest comeback since the resurrection. Rey charges into the corner but Chavo drops him face first onto the buckle to put him down again. Chavo does the Eddie dance, drawing the crowd into the Eddie chant. The masked dude is knocked to the floor and then face first into the buckle to keep him on defense.

Chavo puts him on the top rope and tries to powerbomb Rey to the floor but Rey fights out to avoid death. They facejam each other down to the mat and both guys are in trouble. Back up and Rey gets two off a springboard cross body. A hard kick to the head gets the same for Rey before he hurricanranas Chavo into the 619. The seated senton misses and Mysterio hurricanranas both guys out to the floor.

Chavo takes control and sends Rey back in but here’s Vickie to yell at him. Rey dives off the apron with something the camera misses to take out Chavo and we head back inside. Chavo hits two of the Three Amigos as Vickie is screeching at them to stop fighting. Rey hits the Three Amigos and goes up top but Vickie keeps shouting at him to stop before accidentally crotching him down. Chavo hits a brainbuster and the frog splash for the pin.

Rating: C+. The match was entertaining enough but the bleeding dry of Eddie’s corpse is well beyond old here. Seriously, they were fighting over who was really defending Eddie’s honor. It was fun stuff but the Vickie screeching is getting already getting annoying. She’s been around seven years. How is that possible?

Booker is holding the title with a maniacal look in his eyes. He rants in a British accent for a bit and says he and Sharmell are the most powerful couple in wrestling. This brings in Edge and Lita who just happened to be standing off camera when Booker said that. They debate how important they are and make a wager: if Booker loses he has to be Edge’s servant but if Edge loses he has to kiss Booker’s feet.

This is a good example of what I mean when I talk about the show looking too structured. Why were Edge and Lita right there to respond to those comments? It comes off as so fake and set up in advance that it kills whatever air of realism the show has. Have Booker say they’re the powerful couple, then have Edge and Lita come in later in the show. Same amount of time spent, same result, doesn’t look forced. Why is this so complicated?

ECW Title: Big Show vs. Sabu

Big Show is defending after Sabu beat Van Dam in a ladder match this past week. It’s extreme rules, which is a rarity for these title matches anymore. Sabu starts fast by swinging a chair and gets a quick one count off the Arabian Facebuster. The chair is set up in the middle of the ring but Big Show drops Sabu face first onto the steel. Big Show crushes the chair with his boot and chops Sabu down with ease.

We hit an early bearhug but Sabu pokes the eyes to escape. A springboard is caught in a fallaway slam from Big Show to send Sabu to the outside. The small one grabs a chair to blast Show in the face before dropkicking it into Show’s face. Sabu it too banged up to immediately cover so it’s only a one count. With nothing else working, Sabu loads up a table in the corner and hits a tornado DDT for no cover.

Sabu finally knocks him through the table off a springboard from the chair but Show pops up and electric chairs Sabu down. A Vader Bomb crushes Sabu and Show brings in two sets of steps. He bridges a table across them but his chokeslam is countered into a DDT through the table. Sabu sets up another table but charges into a chokeslam through it for the pin.

Rating: D. I don’t care. Seriously that’s the first thing that came to my head. This was less than nine minutes and the ending was never in double at all. At least a third of the match was spent setting up the next spot, especially near the end. The early days of WWECW with the old ECW guys were just torture to get through as it was clearly trying to recreate magic and it wasn’t anything of note. Dull match here and it would be several months before ECW picked up.

Layla won the Diva Search earlier this week.

The Divas welcome Layla to the company. These stupid girl power segments got old fast. Everyone gets on her and then say they’re all kidding. Layla is dragged into the shower and spanked for her initiation. Everyone is clothed so this goes nowhere.

We recap Hogan vs. Orton. Hogan is a legend, Orton is the legend killer, I think you can do the math. There was a stupid bit with Orton hitting on Brooke thrown in which went nowhere.

Randy Orton vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan has a bad leg coming in, meaning he’s perfectly normal. Hulk easily shoves Orton down out of lockup to start before running him down with a shoulder block. The bandana goes into Orton’s face before Randy grabs a headlock. Hogan fights out with a top wristlock as we’re still going very slowly so far, much to Hogan’s liking. Randy finally gets in some shots to the face to put Hogan down, thereby making him the biggest heel in the world.

Hogan fights Orton off in the corner and sends him into the buckle. Almost all Hogan so far which continues as Hogan pounds down right hands in the corner. He bites Randy’s forehead and pokes him in the eye to keep us firmly in the mid-80s. Hogan rakes his back and pounds away on the mat before threatening the referee with a right hand. Orton holds the ropes on an Irish whip and pulls Hogan to the mat to work on the knee.

Back in and Orton cannonballs down on the leg before doing a short form of the circle stomp. A chop block puts Hulk down again but he ducks/collapses to avoid a high cross body. Hogan pounds away but misses the big boot, allowing Orton to dropkick him down. The RKO connects for three but Hogan’s foot was on the ropes. Orton argues with the referee, Hulk Hulks Up and the legdrop ends it.

Rating: D. Well let’s see: the booking was out of the 80s, Hogan broke a sweat for maybe a minute, and Orton was pinned clean by a 50+ year old man in about eleven minutes. This is the opposite of last year with Shawn as Michaels didn’t have much to gain from a win. Orton on the other hand could have ridden this win for months, but instead we get Hogan’s last WWE match (which you couldn’t have known at the time) as a tribute to him, complete with the 1985 formula all over again. Not a fan of this but you had to know it was coming.

We look at a big party yesterday which is exactly what you would think it was. This was also the announcement for WWE 24/7, which was nowhere near as cool as it sounded.

Melina isn’t sure if Foley can beat Flair but he freaks out on her, saying he’ll do it. This was an awkward on screen relationship.

Ric Flair vs. Mick Foley

In something else that was kind of awkward, these two traded shots at each other in their books with Foley saying Flair wrestled the same match for years and Flair calling Foley a glorified stunt man. Tonight is an I Quit match and it’s all about respect. Foley jumps Flair in the corner and pounds away before hitting the running knee to the head. A running trashcan shot to the head has Flair in early trouble and it’s already Socko time. Flair won’t give up so Foley says he’ll suffer.

Foley wraps barbed wire around the sock but Flair grabs Mick’s crotch to block it. We’re not even two minutes into this and we’ve already had a crotch grab. A low blow puts Mick down and Flair wraps the barbed wire sock around his hand for some chops. Ric sends Foley knees first into the steps but Foley rams him into the announce table to get a breather. Foley pulls out a barbed wire board and blasts Flair in the back with it to make Naitch scream.

We head inside again and the fans want fire. Flair is busted open (duh) so Foley rubs the barbed wire over the cut for good measure. A barbed wire board to the head and the shoulder have Flair in even more trouble but he tells Foley to kiss something instead of quitting. Foley spreads out the thumbtacks and slams Ric down onto them in a scary looking but perfectly safe spot. Think about it: the tacks are what, half an inch long? All they’re going to go into is fat so while it’ll hurt, there’s no real danger to the spot. It’s like being stung by a bunch of bees.

Anyway Flair still won’t quit so Foley brings in the barbed wire ball bat to cut at Flair’s head even more. Flair hits his second low blow to escape before sending him shoulder first into the post. The ball bat to the shoulder has Foley in big trouble as Ric goes into old school brawler mode. Foley won’t quit so Flair threatens to kill him by cutting out his heart.

A third low blow has Foley on the apron, allowing for Ric to knock him off the apron and onto the concrete. Foley is apparently out cold so medics and Melina come out to check on him. The trainer says it’s over and the bell rings. That’s not good enough for Flair though and he sends Foley back in to rub the ball bat over Foley’s face again. He runs the barbed wire over Mick’s unconscious eyes and Melina throws in the towel to end it. Wait that’s STILL not good enough for Flair because Foley has to say it. Ric threatens Melina with the ball bat and Foley quits to save her.

Rating: B. This was one heck of a bloodbath until Melina had to get involved. I get that they didn’t want either guy to quit but dang man, did we really need Melina out there? Like I said it never was a good fit on screen and would end with Melina screwing over Foley for no apparent reason. Good match, but Flair flat out doesn’t need to be doing this at his age.

Vince, Shane and Armando Alejandro Estrada (Umaga’s manager) make fun of Foley until Vince asks if they have Umaga’s support tonight. Armando says si.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. King Booker

Booker is defending and Batista never lost the title, only being stripped due to injury. This is his first major match since December/January. Booker’s wife Sharmell reaches Vickie levels of annoying by saying ALL HAIL KING BOOKER about 18 times on the way to the ring. Feeling out process to start with Booker taking him into the corner and slapping him across the face. Batista easily shoves him across the ring to prove a point as things are starting slowly.

The champion grabs a headlock but completely misses a spin kick, allowing Batista to counter into a powerslam for two. Booker tries to bail with Sharmell but Batista doesn’t even let him get close. Back in and Booker blocks a Batista Bomb by snapping Batista’s neck across the ropes to take over. We hit a chinlock less than four minutes in and the fans aren’t pleased. Back up and Batista hits a sloppy belly to belly suplex for two but Sharmell sends in the scepter for a cheap shot, giving Booker more control.

Booker goes after the arm, which is the injury that kept Batista on the shelf for so long. That makes too much sense though so it’s off to a regular chinlock. Batista finally gets up and crotches Booker on the top before hitting some weak clotheslines. They head to the floor with Booker sending him into the barricade to take over. A missile dropkick gets two on Big Dave but the ax kick misses. Batista Jackhammers him down for two and busts out a full nelson slam of all things. He loads up the Batista Bomb and Sharmell comes in for the lame DQ.

Rating: D. Well at least it wasn’t that long. These two had horrible chemistry together so of course they had two more PPV matches until Batista finally took the title at Survivor Series. The ending sucked, the match sucked, Batista looked as slow as Hogan out there, and the fans were bored by the match. Sounds like it needs a sequel to me.

Post match Batista “destroys” Booker, which translates to him not being able to get him up for a Batista Bomb until Booker clearly pulls himself up. Again, this feud went on for three more months.

Jeff Hardy is coming back tomorrow. Why bother announcing it when you can have a big surprise like that?

DX talks to someone we can’t see. They tell him how much Vince praised Umaga, calling him the REAL monster in WWE. They leave and whoever was in there bangs on the door.

We recap DX vs. the McMahons. This feud started with Shawn vs. Vince but HBK recruited HHH to help him out. DX destroyed a bunch of Vince’s stuff and made fun of him, basically getting on the nerves of everyone over 17 years old. Vince and Shane brought in everyone imaginable to help them but DX dispatched them easily because they’re both Hall of Famers and they were fighting jobbers to the stars. Umaga was the only one who could beat them one on one, making those matches the only interesting parts of the entire feud.

D-Generation X vs. Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon

Vince and Shane head back to the entrance and send out the Spirit Squad as the first line of defense. Superkicks, backdrops and Pedigrees abound, getting rid of the Raw Tag Champions (the cheerleaders) in less than fifteen seconds. DX beat the Spirit Squad about five times in this whole thing but never won the tag titles. I never quite got why.

Next up are Kennedy, Finlay and Regal who do a bit better thanks to Finlay’s club but only last about 40 seconds. Now it’s Big Show to really challenge DX. Why all nine guys didn’t come out at once is never really addressed. The three midcarders take down HHH on the floor, leaving Shawn alone with Show. A cobra clutch backbreaker and the Log Roll knock Shawn silly as HHH is destroyed. Now the McMahons come to the ring and there’s the opening bell.

Vince slams Shawn down to start and it’s off to Shane for some dancing. He peppers Shawn with left jabs and hits a big right cross to puts him down. HHH is still down from a chokeslam through the announce table. Vince comes back in for something like a clothesline to the ribs and fires off elbows in the corner. A double back elbow puts Shawn down and HHH is finally remembering what planet he’s on. Shane of course slides to the floor to knock him down again, which is pretty smart.

Shane hits a backbreaker on Michaels and it’s back to Papa McMahon. There’s a double elbow but HHH is on his feet. Shane, again, wisely baseball slides him onto the other announce table. The McMahons bust out the Demolition Decapitation and the Hart Attack of all things, complete with signature Bret pose. They even hit a bad looking Doomsday Device but Shawn pops up at two and fires off right hands. Vince sneaks in with a shot to the back and down goes HBK again. Shawn scores with a double clothesline and everyone is down.

HHH is back up on the apron and actually takes the hot tag. Adrenaline kicks in and house is cleaned with a high knee and a neckbreaker to Shane. Clotheslines take both McMahons down and there’s a spinebuster for the young one. Shawn drops the elbow on Vince and hits a Cactus Clothesline to take Shane out.

Here’s Umaga to superkick Shawn and hit a quick Samoan Spike to HHH. This brings out Kane as the guy DX was talking to so he can fight Umaga to the back. Shane can only get two on the Game so Vince punches the referee. Shane loads up a Coast to Coast but Shawn superkicks him out of the air. A trashcan shot to Vince sets up Sweet Chin Music and the Pedigree for the pin.

Rating: B-. That’s about as high as they can get and there’s nothing wrong with that. The booking was as smart as you could get since there might not be two guys in the company that could be a legitimate threat to DX in a straight match so making it eleven on two to start was all they could do. The rest of the match is your usual tag team formula match and that’s all they could do here. The fans popped for the ending too so I can’t complain much.

Wrestlemania 23 is in Detroit.

We recap Edge vs. Cena. Edge won MITB last year at Wrestlemania and cashed in on Cena at New Year’s Revolution nine months later. After some title trading with Van Dam and Cena, Edge wound up with the belt on Raw, setting up the one on one showdown here tonight.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Cena is the hometown boy tonight. If Edge gets disqualified he loses the title. Cena charges him into the corner and the booing begins. John pounds away and gets one off a back elbow and a belly to belly suplex. Edge avoids a charge to send Cena shoulder first into the post and out to the floor. It’s kind of early for that spot. Back in and Edge beats on Cena with basic strikes before knocking him off the apron and into the barricade.

Cena makes it back in at nine but Edge immediately drops an elbow on his back for two more. John makes a comeback with right hands as the fans are booing even louder now. A quick fisherman’s suplex gets two on Edge but he sends Cena over the top and out to the floor for the third time. Back in again and Cena misses a cross body to put him down again. Why it puts Edge down as well isn’t clear.

We hit the chinlock for a good while until Cena breaks the hold with pure power. Cena hits a knee to the chest but walks into a big boot for two. Edge goes up top and fights off Cena so he can hit a top rope clothesline for two. Off to a camel clutch but Cena again powers out of it. Both guys are down so Lita sends in a chair. Edge picks it up before throwing it down out of fear in a cute bit. Cena initiates his finishing sequence but the FU is countered into the Impaler for two.

Edge goes up again but has to escape the FU off the ropes into an electric chair but Cena gets two off a victory roll. A middle rope cross body is rolled through into the FU but a Lita distraction makes Cena drop Edge. The champion is sent into his chick and Cena gets a close two off a rollup. A double clothesline puts both guys down until Edge rolls over for two.

The Canadian is up first but the spear is countered into the STFU. Lita tries to come in with the belt but Edge waves her off and gets the rope. The referee has to drag Cena off, allowing Lita to load up brass knuckles on Edge’s hand. Cena grabs the FU anyway but Lita comes in, only to be thrown on top of Edge in a double FU. How that isn’t a DQ isn’t clear but Cena flips her to the mat, allowing Edge to knock him out with the knuckles to retain the title.

Rating: B-. This took some time to get going but the ending was great. Edge winning is an interesting concept and they would go with the same idea next month when Cena beat Edge in Edge’s signature match in his hometown. The match wasn’t all that good though as it felt like they were just killing time until the end, which makes for a dull match.

Overall Rating: C. Right in the middle is about perfect here as there are almost equal amounts of good and bad. The interesting things about this show are the match lengths. Usually there are some very short matches and one or two longer ones. Here there’s only one match under nine minutes and the longest is the main event which isn’t even sixteen. That makes for a show where there’s nothing huge to save the bad stuff and everything is almost equal in length, meaning you can weigh almost everything the same. The show is definitely watchable but skip Booker vs. Batista.

Ratings Comparison

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Big Show vs. Sabu

Original: C

Redo: D

Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Orton

Original: B

Redo: D

Mick Foley vs. Ric Flair

Original: B-

Redo: B

Batista vs. King Booker

Original: D

Redo: Dhttp://kbwrestlingreviews.com/wp-admin/post-new.php

Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon vs. D-Generation X

Original: C-

Redo: B-

Edge vs. John Cena

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: C

Other than Hogan, not a lot changes here. This show pretty much is what it is.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/09/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2006-hogan-and-dx-are-in-charge-are-we-in-1998/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #232
Date: March 20, 2000
Location: O’Connell Center, Gainsville, Florida
Commentators: Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

Uncensored has come and gone and I think we’re all a little bit better because of that. I’m not entirely sure what you would call the big story coming off the show but I guess Scott Steiner returning for the second time this year is up there. It’s not a good time to be a WCW fan at the moment and last night gave me no reason to think that is going to change anytime soon. Let’s get to it.

Earlier today Sid arrived to a small mob of fans who are thrilled that he’s still World Champion. Maybe WCW wouldn’t be in so much trouble if they didn’t fund such massive brainwashing experiments.

Opening sequence.

Gene brings out Sid Vicious to open things up. Madden is already ripping on Hogan for coming out to help Sid when Sid didn’t need it, which sounds like we should be leading up to Sid vs. Hogan, which makes sense and would probably suck the least out of any match they could throw at us at this point. Sid is glad to finally have Jeff Jarrett off his back and loves the fact that he got to prove Jarrett wrong last night. In a sudden side trip, Sid says it doesn’t matter what you do to a pig because it’s still a pig. But what if you make it into pork chops?

Cue Jarrett because this feud MUST continue. Jarrett has pinned Sid three times in the past so it’s clear that he has Sid’s number, and Sid is only still champion because of Hogan. Sid says bring it but Jeff says he wants another title match, which Sid won’t give him. Instead, Jarrett has a solution: a tag match, and if Jeff pins Sid, he gets another shot. If he can’t though, he never asks for another shot again. The fans LOVE that idea but Jeff wants to introduce us to his partner first.

Of course it’s Scott Steiner, who would seem to be the newest member of the NWO and with some tape over his mouth with the word CENSORED written across it. Threats are made but Sid says he doesn’t need a partner, even though he could find one really easily. Cue Hogan of course, to talk about being the baddest man the NWO ever had. Hogan has seen Sid carrying the belt tall and proud, so Sid is the man to get WCW back on track. I love that they’re just admitting that WCW is in trouble on national TV. The match is on. There’s a joke there about Hogan and Teddy Long but I’ll let you guys fill in the punchline yourselves.

Tony gives us a quick recap of Uncensored. How can a thirty second speech sound so boring?

Tonight: Sting vs. Flair. Somehow that sounds like the best idea they’ve had in weeks.

Luger tells Flair to take care of Sting tonight while he takes out Vampiro. Flair rants about both of them and it’s very nice to see Vampiro being thrown into the deep end like this. You have to try that at some point, which is (arguably) the biggest knock against WCW over the years.

Ricky Rachman and Spring Breakout are still coming. Be still my beating heart.

Chavo Guerrero says he’s back to get the Cruiserweight Title and get his finances in order. He steals Gene’s wallet to help himself out.

Chris Candido vs. Lash Leroux

Paisley and the (silent) Artist are on commentary. Before the match, Candido calls himself the greatest example of a pure wrestler going today, because he doesn’t need a gimmick, costume, catchphrase of a trashy valet. Oh I’m guessing she’s coming later. Lash dropkicks Candido down to take over in a hurry but Chris quickly makes the ropes to hide. A dropkick and shoulder put Candido down again, only to have him come back with an enziguri.

Candido scores with a nice delayed vertical suplex as Madden talks about Candido winning a 10-1 handicap match. Madden: “I think Big Josh was involved.” Candido’s guillotine legdrop gets two as we discuss Madden wearing purple. Lash’s comeback is quickly stopped and a top rope superplex sets up a swan dive to give Chris the quick pin. Nice debut here and they can’t get Artist away from the title soon enough.

Lane and Rave ask Miss Hancock who she’s found to replace them. Hancock promises to debut them on Thunder: Los Fabulosos.

Fit Finlay vs. La Parka

Time for some chair dancing and VOICEOVER GUY! La Parka talks about being in the hizzouse and the 1414, meaning one for him and one for his homies. Finlay has one chance to leave before La Parka knocks the Lucky Charms out of him. La Parka tries to beg off and says that’s not his voice but Finlay beats him up anyway.

The masked man gets dropped throat first across the top rope, which might clean up some of those vocal issues. A HUGE back elbow to the jaw puts La Parka down again but Finlay goes to the floor for no apparent reason, only to avoid a plancha. Back in and La Parka loads up a crane kick, only to take a Regal Roll for another quick pin. At least La Parka is funny.

Kidman and Booker talk strategy. Madden talks Torrie’s cleavage.

Vampiro takes the cast off his hand and bangs it against the wall. The concrete kind, not the monster.

Stills of Wall vs. Bigelow, which Tony calls a collection of painful bumps.

Gene brings out David Flair and Daffney for a special message for America. This could be, dare I say it, interesting. David drags out a table and I don’t see this ending well. He talks about Bigelow and Crowbar sharing a hospital room so he wants Wall out here right now to put him through that table. There goes the neck brace and here comes Wall, who no sells a fire extinguisher blast from Daffney and chokeslams David through the table. The announcers say David can join Bigelow and Crowbar in their hospital room. Well no wonder he can’t get healthy if he gets injured in Gainsville and goes all the way to Miami for treatment.

Tony: “Right now it’s our Wolverine Boot Stomp of the Night! Ok I guess it’s not!”

To take your mind off that, here’s a centerfold of Torrie in the latest WCW Magazine.

Tag Team Titles: Harris Twins vs. Kidman/Booker

The Twins are defending. Madden brings up the NWO only needing one more belt to have them all, which makes me realize how horrible that group really is as I do not care in the slightest. Booker kicks Ron down to start and we get an early Spinarooni. Off to Don vs. Kidman with the bald guy doing a very weak tilt-a-whirl…..I guess you can call that a slam. At least it sounds better than tilt-a-whirl gently lay down. Booker comes in to take out both Twins and hits a bad looking Rock Bottom for two on Ron (jump dude), followed by the Bodog from Kidman. That’s enough for the Twins as a belt shot draws the DQ.

Torrie gets on Don’s back but gets thrown down, earning Don a chair to the head.

The Mamalukes tell Disco to get them a rematch or he’s out. Disco says it’s really their fault so Vito says Disco is out.

Total Package vs. Vampiro

So much for Vampiro’s push. Before the match, Luger tells Vampiro that this is his welcome to the major leagues but he only has a wiffle ball bat. Vampiro sneaks in through the crowd for an enziguri to start fast but Luger goes low to take over. What looks to be a Rack attempt is turned into a belly to back suplex before Luger starts kicking at the bad arm. Vampiro tries going to the floor but Luger drives an ax handle into the back and posts him for good measure.

Back in and Luger drops him with a gorilla press, which means he must be running out of moves to use. Vampiro comes back with a bunch of kicks as Tony is STUNNED that Vampiro could get in offense on someone like Luger. A top rope clothesline gets two on Luger but here’s Ric Flair, who is quickly dropped by an elbow. The distraction is enough for Luger to get in a bat shot though and the Rack is good for the submission.

Rating: D+. Dang that was close. Vampiro was getting close to get over as a young face here but Luger took him out just in time. Standard WCW formula here: the young guy gets close but can’t get the win because it just wouldn’t work to let Vampiro get a fluke win because it might hurt Luger’s spot, as if he actually might not be near the top of the card until he dies. I mean, he was a big star like eight years ago.

Sting makes the save.

Scott Steiner says it’s hard to keep a hard man down and rants about Hogan being as successful as he was because of people like Steiner behind him.

More Rachman.

Nitro Girls.

Dustin Rhodes is tired of being held down by the old guys so he’s taking them out one by one, starting with Curt Hennig tonight.

We see clips of a press conference after Uncensored went off the air last night. Oh man let’s get this over with. Sid wasn’t surprised by anything Jeff threw at him last night but here’s Hogan to officially endorse Sid but the spotlight is taken away from Sid and he doesn’t seem thrilled. This is of course totally different than the Wrestlemania VIII press conference where Hogan stole the spotlight from Sid to get on his nerves back in 1992.

Norman Smiley vs. Hugh Morrus

Smiley is past his demon phase but has gone with something far more terrifying: a Florida Gators jersey. Smiley grabs a cravate to start but Morrus elbows him in the jaw to break up the spanking dance. A butterfly suplex is countered into a sunset flip to give Norman two but another elbow puts him down again. Some dancing elbows (he’s a man of limited offense) get two for Morrus as he pulls Smiley up. A powerslam gets the same treatment before No Laughing Matter ends the destruction. That’s what Smiley gets for getting popular when WCW doesn’t want him to. Serves him right for the hard work.

Demon comes out to check on Norman but gets laid out too. So we have the popular Norman, the guy with a pop culture connection, and the one step above average power brawler. Guess who gets to stand tall.

Hennig says he’ll beat Dustin because he’s unbeatable. That doesn’t mean he’ll beat Dustin. They could just go to a draw, which means Dustin wouldn’t win but Hennig wouldn’t lose. Hennig really should get these details right.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Curt Hennig

Hennig still has a cast on. Rhodes takes him into the corner to start as Madden declares himself a Rhodes fan for how Dustin ripped on Hogan. Hennig comes back with a neckbreaker and right hands, followed by the necksnap. A big right hand knocks Curt to the floor and Dustin slams the cast into the barricade before ripping the cast off for the DQ. Really, that’s a DQ?

Dustin hits the referee but Hogan makes the save. Hogan and…..midcarders? Huh? I mean HUH??? Tony: “Thank God for Hogan.”

Sid promises to win tonight and tells Jimmy to make sure no one comes to the ring tonight.

Sting says he has to fight Ric at least one more time, but tonight Team Package is split right down the middle and, I quote, “Team Package is like two peas in a pod.” That was the funniest unintentional line in months, or maybe I’m just desperate for anything remotely amusing.

Tank Abbott vs. Barbarian

Meng is watching backstage and says not long now Tank, not long at all. WHY CAN MENG TALK??? I know he has before but again, MONSTERS DON’T TALK. Slugout to start with Barbarian getting the better of it but Tank slams him down and puts on a front facelock before the big punch knocks Barbarian out. Just a longer version of Tank’s usual stuff.

Flair starts talking as he walks to the ring but we cut to Sting for more walking.

Ricky Rachman is a thing for the third time tonight.

Sting vs. Ric Flair

This is Sting’s first match on Nitro since December. They start with a basic sequence as Sting shoulders him down, knocks Flair to the apron, clotheslines him to the floor and clotheslines him on the floor for good measure. The Stinger Splash against the barricade misses though (that’s up there with Flair’s…..whatever off the top) and Ric takes over.

Back in and Flair punches him in the jaw to drop Sting, possibly wanting to knock off Sting’s beard at the same time. It’s time to no sell chops though with a pair of press slams, including one off the top. Cue Luger who gets beaten up as well and it’s Stinger Splashes all around, setting up the Scorpion to make Flair give up.

Rating: C-. Flair vs. Sting is one of those matches that automatically receives a higher rating by definition. It’s just a hard pairing to screw up because they’re both talented and have fought so many times that it’s almost impossible for them to screw up out there. I have no idea why we’re still seeing them fight, but the terrifying reason is that they’re one of the few combinations that still might work around here. You know, of course omitting any pairing of old vs. new because those are just out of the question.

Luger and Flair beat Sting down until Vampiro makes the save.

Scott Steiner/Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious/Hulk Hogan

If Jarrett gets pinned, he can never ask for a title shot again, but if he pins Sid, he gets the next shot. Jeff ejects the girls again and tells them to warm up the jacuzzi. Hogan and Jarrett get things going with Hulk hammering away and sending Jeff face first into Sid’s boot. Sid and Hogan take turns on Jeff’s arm before Hogan goes back to his comfort zone of right hands in the corner. At least they look better than last night’s batch.

Steiner breaks up a chokeslam attempt and the bag guys take over with the bicep curl elbow getting two. Scott charges into a boot in the corner and the tag brings in Hogan to clean house. The fans chant for Hogan and Sid isn’t happy. The big boot drops Jarrett and Hogan loads up the legdrop, only to charge into a chokeslam…..for the pin due to reasons that I don’t want to understand.

Rating: D. So now they’re just flat out ripping off the main event of Wrestlemania VIII, right down to the tag match that set it up. Sid is a heel now, meaning the top faces are once again Hogan and Sting with……Vampiro in third place I guess. Bad match, but like I said earlier, do they have a better option than Hogan vs. Sid right now? Hogan vs. a monster is as simple of an idea as you can have, even in 2000.

Sid talks trash to Hogan to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. WCW at this point is in a weird place as they’re getting the most out of what they have, but the ceiling is so low on what they can accomplish that it’s not saying much. This was more watchable than Uncensored as they’re keeping the wrestling short, but the stories are just not doing it. They’re such basic ideas with people who can’t back it up in the ring and that’s not going to work in either the short term or the long term.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Summerslam 2001
Date: August 19, 2001
Location: Compaq Center, San Jose, California
Attendance: 15,293
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

Much like last year, a lot has changed in the last year. For one thing the Monday Night Wars are over and the WWF has absorbed the other two major companies to form the superpower that they are to this day. At the moment though we’re in the middle of the Invasion war, meaning it’s WCW/ECW vs. the WWF. That’s your double main event tonight: Rock vs. Booker T for the WCW Title and Angle vs. Austin (in the Alliance) for the WWF Title. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a WWF themed music video for Bodies by Drowning Pool. That’s still the best live performance of a song I’ve ever heard.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. Lance Storm

Storm is champion and is about to explain why there is no place for offbeat shenanigans around here but Edge cuts him off. Feeling out process to start as they trade hammerlocks and headlocks. A flapjack and dropkick put Storm down and Edge clotheslines him to the floor. Back in and Edge gets two off a high cross as the announcers bicker about the Invasion. Storm drapes Edge over the top rope and knocks him into the barricade.

Back in and Storm works on the ribs with some knees and a front suplex for two. The crowd is very hot tonight. The spear misses but Edge kicks away from the Mapleleaf and gets two off a small package. We see the WWF guys cheering Edge on from the locker room. Edge tries a crucifix but gets countered into a rolling senton for two. We hit the chinlock with a knee in Edge’s back before a backsplash gets two.

Off to an abdominal stretch from the champion but he’s too far away to pull on the ropes. Edge hiptosses out and sends Storm to the apron for a springboard clothesline but Edge catches him in a powerslam to put both guys down. They slug it out with Edge taking over via some clotheslines and a spinwheel kick for two.

Edge-O-Matic gets two and a hurricanrana is countered into a powerbomb for two on Storm. They hit the ropes and Storm rolls through into the half crab. Edge finally makes a rope and puts the same hold on Storm as the referee is bumped. Here’s Christian who accidentally spears his brother, giving Storm two. Not that it matters as Edge pops up and hits the Edgecution for the pin and the title.

Rating: B-. I liked this more than I should have but I’m a fan of both guys. This was a nice choice for an opener as it was very technically sound and gave the fans something to get excited for with a new champion. Not that the title changing means anything in the grand scheme of the Invasion but it’s not like anything really did.

Test says he didn’t turn his back on the WWF but vice versa. He praises the Dudleys and says they’ll take out Spike and the APA tonight. Test will show us what loyalty is tonight.

Chris Jericho calls Stephanie a big sl** and says he’ll beat Rhyno tonight.

APA/Spike Dudley vs. Test/Dudley Boys

Spike has the incredibly cute Molly (looking very good in blue) with him here. Test cost the APA the tag titles a few weeks ago due to them accusing him of being the Alliance mole. Bubba starts with Faarooq as Heyman calls Spike a bully. The Dudleys quickly double team Faarooq with the reverse 3D until it’s D-Von taking him down with a clothesline and back elbow. Off to Test who gets caught in the wrong corner, allowing for the tag to Bradshaw.

A powerbomb is countered by a Test backdrop and it’s back to D-Von to pound away in the corner. Spike comes in with a quick small package and rollup for two each on D-Von but Bubba gets a blind tag and LAUNCHES Spike onto the top rope to take over. Bubba comes in and stomps away in the corner before it’s off to Test to pound on the very pale Spike. D-Von pulls out a table but Spike saves himself from being thrown through it. Back to D-Von for a HUGE double flapjack from both Dudleys. I’m not a Spike fan but he could be in some very impressive crashes.

D-Von misses a middle rope splash and it’s hot tag to Bradshaw who meets Test. Faarooq comes in as well and the APA cleans house but D-Von breaks up the fallaway slam. A powerbomb puts Test down but Bubba breaks up the pin. The Dudley Dog is countered with Spike being launched through the table and here’s Shane McMahon with a chair to knock Bradshaw silly, giving Test the pin.

Rating: D+. Pretty pedestrian stuff here but I’ve seen worse. The majority of this was Spike getting destroyed and very little between the APA and the Dudleys. Test was the focus of this match which isn’t the most interesting idea in the world but at least they were trying. Shane running in is kind of questionable for a match at this level but he’s a loyal owner (of WCW) I guess.

WWF stars congratulate Edge on the title win but brags about getting a European Title match. Grandma calls but wants to talk to Edge. Christian isn’t happy.

Shawn Stasiak comes in to see Debra (Steve Austin’s wife) and thinks he should change his trunks. He was a pretty funny comedy guy who was trying to get noticed at this point but Debra throws him out.

Light Heavyweight Title/Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. X-Pac

X-Pac is holding the more famous title and this is winner take all. Tajiri is the big crowd favorite but both guys are WWF wrestlers. X-Pac uses the referee to backflip out of a top wristlock. Tajiri takes him down with ease and hits a standing moonsault for two but X-Pac rides him on the mat and slaps him in the back of the head. A hurricanrana sends Pac to the floor and a big Asai Moonsault takes him down.

Pac pops right back up and crotches Tajiri against the post to take over. Back in and X-Pac puts on a surfboard but has to let it go to avoid getting pinned. X-Pac misses the Bronco Buster and gets caught in the Tree of Woe, setting up a baseball slide to the face. Another big kick to the head gets two for Tajiri. There’s the Tarantula by Tajiri but it doesn’t last long, as always.

Tajiri loads up a top rope hurricanrana but Pac kicks him off, only to have Tajiri pull him down into a kind of standing backslide pinning combination for two. A German suplex gets two on Tajiri but Pac sends him to the floor for a big flip dive. Back in and the X-Factor gets two and here’s Albert (Tensai, Pac’s stable mate). Tajiri hits the mist on Albert but gets hit low and the second X-Factor unifies the titles (for about two months).

Rating: D+. Well that happened. There wasn’t anything special at all to this title as the Light Heavyweight division means nothing at all and never did, making this a boring match that no one cared about. Foley summed up the division perfectly in a promo in a few months: “X-Pac hasn’t been around in a few months and I don’t think anyone noticed.”

A very confused Perry Saturn is looking for his love, Moppy (an actual mop) at WWF New York. Someone kidnapped her and her face is on a milk carton. This is one of the guys that was a coup in the Radicalz deal people.

Stephanie gives Rhyno a pep talk and she still can’t act.

We recap Jericho vs. Stephanie which went on for months with Stephanie sending Rhyno after Chris, resulting in him Goring Jericho through the Smackdown set. I’d still have loved to see a Jericho/Stephanie on screen romance with them insulting each other so much that they became infatuated with each other.

Chris Jericho vs. Rhyno

Stephanie is at ringside of course. Rhyno runs him over a few times to start but a cross body takes the big man down. A top rope elbow to the head drops Rhyno and a jumping back elbow to the jaw gets two. The Walls don’t work and Rhyno bails to the floor, sending Jericho to the top. Stephanie grabs his foot and the delay lets Rhyno get up and Gore Jericho out of the air to take over.

Back in and Rhyno drops the injured ribs over the top rope and stomps away like a good monster heel would. Stephanie adds a LOUD slap and Rhyno hooks a body scissors to make Jericho scream. Back up and Rhyno hooks an airplane spin of all things to set up a TKO for two. Off to a surfboard with a knee in Jericho’s back but Jericho fights up and gets a rollup for two. A suplex puts Jericho right back down and weakens the ribs even more.

Rhyno goes up top and misses a splash that would have missed even if Jericho hadn’t moved. A double clothesline puts both guys down to give us a breather. Back up and Rhyno charges into a boot to the face and Jericho hits a middle rope missile dropkick. Stephanie finally gets involved by distracting the referee so Jericho kisses her to the floor. The Lionsault kind of hits for two and the fans are surprised at the kickout. Rhyno comes back with a big spinebuster before putting on a Liontamer (not the Walls of Jericho. It’s a different move). Jericho finally crawls over to the ropes for the break but walks into a belly to belly which looks to set up the Gore. Chris dives out of the way to send Rhyno into the buckle, setting up the Walls for the submission.

Rating: B-. I liked this a lot more than I should have as it really wasn’t anything special. Jericho and Stephanie had some great chemistry that it’s almost impossible to not smile at their antics. Rhyno was a fine monster for Jericho to slay to make Stephanie even angrier and the match was better than I was expecting. Good stuff.

Rock torments Regal with catchphrases, sidesteps a charging Shawn Stasiak to send him running into a metal door, and leaves to get ready.

Hardcore Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy

Rob took the title from Jeff at InVasion but Jeff stole it back on Raw. This is the rematch with the belt hanging above the ring, meaning it’s time to climb some ladders. Van Dam takes him to the start in a wrestling sequence but Jeff spins out into a standoff. Rob scores some kicks but misses a dropkick to give Jeff a breather. Hardy is hipblocked to the apron but he hangs on and does the same thing to send Rob to the floor. A big springboard dive takes out both guys in the first high spot of the match.

Both guys head towards the ladders but Jeff sends Rob into the barricade but misses a dive off the top. Rob drops a leg on the back of Jeff’s head to put him on the floor before getting the ladder. Hardy pops up again and runs the barricade to take him down before the ladder is inside the ring. With the ladder halfway in, Van Dam gets up on the barricade and jumps onto the bottom end of the ladder to send the top into Jeff’s face. Back inside and Jeff dives over Rob to send the top end of the ladder into Rob’s face for good measure.

Jeff drops his legs on Rob’s which is usually a cover but here just hurts. Rob puts him in the Tree of Woe and hits some shoulders to the ribs to take over even more. The ladder is placed on the bottom rope in the corner and Van Dam hits Rolling Thunder out of the corner to crush Jeff against the metal. A slingshot legdrop crushes Jeff against the ladder again but Rob can’t follow up. Jeff gets up first and baseball slides the ladder into Rob’s ribs to send him rolling up the aisle.

Hardy is the first person to go up top but Van Dam runs back to the ring and hits a top rope kick to bring Jeff back down. The ladder is placed on top of Jeff again for Rolling Thunder but Jeff gets back up in time to dropkick the ladder out from under Rob. A DDT plants Van Dam but he rolls away from the Swanton. The Five Star misses as well and it’s time for the slow double climb. Hardy is higher up but Van Dam sends him face first into the top of the ladder and superplexes him off the top of the ladder.

They both go up again but this time it’s Jeff with a sunset bomb to put both guys down. Jeff goes up again and grabs the belt but loses the ladder underneath him. Rob grabs Jeff’s foot but lets go, sending Jeff swinging back and forth. Hardy finally falls onto Van Dam before setting up the ladder again, only to have Van Dam shove it over and send Jeff into the ropes. Van Dam finally climbs up and pulls down the title for the win.

Rating: B. To the shock of no one, this was a solid match. There are certain gimmicks that are tailor made for certain people and it’s ladder matches for these two. It was a good brawl and the fans were way into it as both guys were big fan favorites. It’s not as good as some ladder matches but it still worked very well.

Shane gives Booker bookends made of announce tables. Seriously.

We recap DDP/Kanyon vs. the Brothers of Destruction. DDP had been revealed as the stalker of Undertaker’s wife Sara which was so far removed from his character that it wasn’t even funny. Kanyon and Kane were brought in because a goofy career midcarder vs. Kane somehow evens out Page vs. Undertaker. Oh and they’re both tag champions to make this title for title. Kanyon is US Champion for no apparent reason.

WCW Tag Titles/WWF Tag Titles: Undertaker/Kane vs. Diamond Dallas Page/Kanyon

Inside a cage to make sure the jobbers have no chance at all. The WWF guys have the WCW titles and the WCW guys have the WWF titles because CRAZY! Undertaker’s wife Sara drops the key to the cage down her shirt for safekeeping. The monsters dominate to start, shocking no one at all. Taker pounds on Page and Kane destroys Kanyon until DDP actually gets in a low blow and sends Taker into the cage.

The guys trade off opponents and Kane kicks Page’s head off as Taker destroys Kanyon. Kane powerbombs Kanyon into the corner as Taker rams Page into the cage. A big boot sends DDP’s head into the steel but Kanyon comes out of the corner to take Taker down. He hits a kind of Fameasser out of the corner to take Kane down but the Brothers sit up at the same time. Page and Kanyon go up top but Taker kicks Page down and tells Kane to let Kanyon go. Now it’s the Brothers against Page, two on one.

They take turns with running clotheslines in the corner and Taker hits a sidewalk slam for two. Kane yells at the referee in the corner as Taker pounds Page down. There’s a chain in the ring from somewhere and Taker whips Page in the back for fun. Kane is just chilling in the corner watching this. Taker tells Page he can leave and live, but if he ever looks at Sara again he’s dead. DDP tries to leave but gets chokeslammed off the top a few seconds later. The Last Ride ends the slaughter and gives the Brothers both sets of titles.

Rating: D+. So you the dominant team of former world champions beat a guy who is nothing like the successful character he portrayed a few years ago and his midcard comedic lackey. Thankfully this was only ten minutes long and Sara didn’t look bad. This finally ended Page’s destruction by Taker and Kane once and for all I believe.

Rock is having his injured ribs checked, steps aside to let Stasiak charge past him again, and tells the doctor he’ll be WCW Champion.

We recap Austin vs. Angle. Austin jumped to the Alliance because Vince McMahon was giving Angle too many hugs. Seriously, that’s what caused his heel turn. Angle became the great hope for the WWF and ran through the Alliance to get to Austin, earning this shot.

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. Kurt Angle

Angle jumps Austin in the aisle and the fight is on fast. This was an interesting characteristic for Austin: despite turning heel, he was still basically the same guy. He would fight anyone that challenged him and would go straight at them every time. That’s very rare to see in a turning wrestler, but Austin is a very rare kind of wrestler. The brawl stars in the aisle before they head into the ring for the bell.

The champion is in control in the corner but Angle clotheslines him down to take over. A cross body gets two for Kurt but Austin heads after the knee to get control. That involves going to the mat though and Angle picks the ankle for the ankle lock but Austin makes the rope. Steve sends Angle into the barricade to put Angle down again before suplexing him a few times back inside.

As he tries for his fourth suplex in a row though, Angle reverses into the Rolling German Suplexes to stagger the champion. Kurt hits a remarkable SEVEN straight suplexes to put Austin down, but the Angle Slam is escaped and Austin pokes Kurt in the eye. Austin nails a superplex and there’s a Stunner out of nowhere for two. A second Stunner hits but Angle falls out to the floor. Austin sends him into the post to bust the challenger open then does it again for good measure.

Back inside though, all of that beating just gets two. Since it didn’t work, Austin sends him to the post again to bust Angle open even more. Austin goes to drop Angle onto the announce table but Angle slides down his back and sends Steve over the barricade and into the crowd, only for Austin to grab Angle and suplex him onto the concrete. Back to ringside and Angle grabs the ankle lock but it doesn’t count out there. Kurt realizes this so he grabs Austin back into the ring to put the hold on again, only for Austin to grabs the rope.

Back to ringside again because we haven’t been there in awhile. Angle hits a release belly to belly suplex followed by a belly to back. We head back in and Angle actually hits his moonsault for a VERY close two. Austin grabs a Million Dollar Dream, his old finishing move, but Angle climbs the ropes ala Bret Hart at Survivor Series 1996 and Rock at Wrestlemania X7. However this time Austin kicks out but also hangs onto the hold as the psychology of that spot gets even deeper.

Angle finally makes a rope but he’s spent. There’s the third Stunner but SOMEHOW Angle kicks out again. Steve slaps him in the face which only fires Angle up enough for a quick Angle Slam for a very delayed two count. Austin has had enough of this and punches the referee but walks into a DDT from Kurt for no count. Here’s a second referee to count two, only to get a Stunner for his efforts. A third referee comes out and gets decked but Angle hits another Angle Slam. A WCW referee comes out and ends the match with a DQ, keeping the title on Austin and in the Alliance.

Rating: A-. This was a great war with both guys leaving it all in the ring. The match also made Angle look all the greater because Austin couldn’t beat him and had to get himself disqualified. This gave the WWF the hero that it was needing, which is the whole point of this match. Angle would get another chance in the future though, and all it took was kidnapping Austin, threatening to throw him off a bridge in Toronto and throwing him in a kid’s pool.

Angle destroys the WCW referees post match.

JR goes into full I CAN’T SHOT SHOUTING AND SHAKING MY HEAD mode about how Austin can’t beat Angle.

We recap Rock vs. Booker T. Rock came back from making Scorpion King and affirmed his loyalty to the WWF by laying out Shane. Booker is his first opponent because…..well how else are you going to have Austin and Rock as world champions at the same time?

WCW World Title: Booker T. vs. The Rock

Rock has bad ribs coming in due to a Bookend (Rock Bottom) through a table. Rock fires off right hands to start but has to chase Shane around the ring. Booker jumps him coming back in but gets sent into Shane, setting up a Samoan drop for two. Things settle down a bit and Rock clotheslines Booker down before hooking a side roll for two. Rock wins a slugout and sends Booker out to the floor.

They head over to the announce table and Rock gets in a blatant low blow. Now it’s into the crowd with Booker sending Rock’s ribs into the barricade to take over. Back to ringside and Booker loads up the announce table but Rock comes back with right hands. Booker easily reverses a whip into the post and Shane takes off the turnbuckle pad. Back in (finally) and an elbow to the face gets two for the champion.

A knee drop to the face has Rock in trouble and Heyman wants a Spinarooni. JR: “It sounds like something from Chef Boy-Ardee.” We hit the chinlock for a bit before Rock comes back and hooks a Sharpshooter. Shane is pulled in again but Booker gets in a cheap shot for two. A slingshot into the exposed buckle has Booker in trouble and Rock gets two off a DDT. Shane puts a chair in the ring and picks up the WCW Title. The referee goes to get rid of the chair and Shane lays out Rock with the belt. This brings out the APA to lay out the Boy Wonder.

Both guys in the ring are down and Shane is knocked silly. His eyes rolled back in his head while laid out is a great visual. The Bookend lays out Rock but the referee is with Shane so the delayed cover only gets two. Rock’s clothesline and the belly to belly get two and there’s the People’s Elbow but Shane comes back in for the save. Shane gets a Rock Bottom on the floor (eyes open again) and Rock hits the spit punch on Booker, only to walk into a spinebuster. The ax kick sets up the Spinarooni but the Rock Bottom connects for the pin and the title for Rock.

Rating: B. The match is good but I doubt even Booker’s mama gave him a chance in this match. Overbooking the match helped and Booker didn’t look like a jobber or anything but at the end of the day it was fifteen minutes of killing time until the obvious ending. Still though, good match that got stuck being on after a classic.

Rock celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. For a period as bad as the Invasion, this was an excellent show. The world title matches were very good, the ladder match was better than I expected and there was some other nice stuff sprinkled in. Nothing on here is really bad at all and the crowd was hot all night. Good show here and worth seeing if you want a good way to kill three hours.

Ratings Comparison

Edge vs. Lance Storm

Original: B

Redo: B-

APA/Spike Dudley vs. Test/Dudley Boys

Original: C

Redo: D+

Tajiri vs. X-Pac

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Rhyno vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B-

Redo: B-

Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy

Original: B-

Redo: B

Diamond Dallas Page/Kanyon vs. Undertaker/Kane

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Steve Austin vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-

Redo: A-

The Rock vs. Booker T

Original: B+

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: A-

About the same all around.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/04/history-of-summerslam-count-up-summerslam-2001-summerslam-gets-all-alliancey/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Uncensored 2000
Date: March 19, 2000
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

We had to get here eventually. This is one of the lamest sounding shows I’ve seen in a very long time and it’s not something I want to sit through again. The main event is Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid for the World Title, but the real big match is Hogan vs. Flair, because we only did that last year at this same show so it’s high time to do it again. Let’s get to it.

The opening video recaps the triple main event of Hogan vs. Flair, Sid vs. Jarrett and Luger vs. Sting. Two of those men are under 40 and that number would go down to one in about two and a half months.

Hogan and Sid have a chat in the back where they say to watch each other’s back.

Jarrett tells the Harris Twins that he has an insurance policy.

A limo is here.

The opening pyro doesn’t get much of a reaction from the people. There’s a shot of the crowd and they look like they’re about to watch an instructional film on how to properly wash their hands.

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist vs. Psychosis

Artist is defending after Psychosis beat Kaz Hayashi to earn this shot on Thunder. Their video to set this up shows Hayashi pinning Psychosis a few weeks back, but somehow that didn’t earn him a title shot. The announcers talk about the Artist dominating the division for the last few months, despite him not even having the belt for a month yet. To be fair, I doubt anyone remembers the last few months of the cruiserweights at this point. Paisley and Juventud Guerrera are the seconds here.

Before we can get going, we get more music and it’s….the debuting Chris Candido to do commentary. After a minute of no contact so Candido can come out, the Artist (and his slimming purple vertical striped shirt) charges into the corner, allowing Psychosis to hurricanrana the champ down. Artist ties him in the Tree of Woe for some lame kicks to the ribs before a superkick gets two. The ring mic seems a bit low tonight as there isn’t a ton of sound when people hit the mat.

Psychosis is sent into the steps before Artist nails a running clothesline in the corner. Instead of a chinlock, Artist pulls on Psychosis’ hair with a knee in his back. That’s rather effective. A clothesline (to the middle of the chest) doesn’t have much effect on Psychosis so he comes back with a top rope hurricanrana for two.

Psychosis plants him with a sitout gordbuster (hopefully knocking some skills into Artist’s head) and Juvy goes after an interfering Paisley, who beats him up and takes off his shirt. There’s the guillotine legdrop but Psychosis pulls away at two to yell at Paisley. Or maybe he’s asking where she got her catsuit. Artist’s middle rope DDT (with Psychosis jumping into it) retains the title.

Rating: D. I feel like I have to say this every single time he’s out there, but Artist just isn’t very good. He’s such a generic wrestler and his finisher, while cool in theory, is almost never executed properly as the other guy has to jump up to give their head to Iaukea. Bad choice for an opener here as this did nothing to fire me up for the rest of the show.

Tony throws it to Gene. “That’s how you fill some time.” Just……yeah.

Bam Bam Bigelow regrets bringing the Wall into this business because he’s going about it all wrong. Tonight, he’s finishing the Wall and showing him how to do it right. Again, this is one of the better done stories in WCW at this point.

XS vs. Norman Smiley/The Demon

Somehow this ties into Miss Hancock as she comes down to do commentary before Norman and Demon make their entrances. I’m still not sure what the story is here other than XS being jerks and messing with Demon and Hancock being annoyed at XS for dumping her. Hancock thinks XS stands for extra small.

Demon’s casket appears and Norman comes out in full Demon garb. Demon throws Rave (is that his name this week?) around to start but gets knocked outside, leaving Norman to take over in the ring. Lane takes the spanking dance (not the Big Wiggle. You don’t come back from that) and things settle down again. Hancock says she has a new tag team in Los Fabulosos: Silver King and El Dandy. Tony: “If there was ever a time to be El Dandy, it’s right now.” Demon gets double teamed as the fans LOUDLY chant for Norman. That says a lot given how small the crowd is in such a big building.

XS tries a double clothesline on Demon, but it winds up putting Rave and Demon down as Lane stays on his feet….and falls down a few seconds later. Do these people just not get physics? The hot tag brings in Norman to clean house with right hands and the swinging slam to Lane. A school boy gets two on Norman and everything breaks down as the announcers start spouting off KISS lyrics. Demon and Lane go outside, leaving Norman to put Rave in the Norman’s Conquest for the win. That was sudden.

Rating: D. Other than Miss Hancock, I have no idea what the appeal was supposed to be here. This was a lame Nitro level match with Norman being OH SO FUNNY as the Demon, even though he wrestled like he always does. Tragically for him though, the fans seem to love him so he’s dead where he stands. This didn’t need to be on pay per view but at least it killed a few minutes.

Post match XS blames Hancock for the loss and tries to kidnap her but the Screamin Demons make the save. Hancock dances with Norman. Now that deserves to be on pay per view.

Kidman and Booker argue again.

Quick recap of Wall destroying everything in his path over the last few weeks, which has mainly been David Flair and Crowbar.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall

They slug it out to start with Bigelow getting the better of it until he charges into a clothesline. Bigelow slams Wall down and hits the top rope headbutt for two. A pair of boots to the face gets the same thing on Bigelow but he grabs a running DDT for his second two. Wall comes back with a Cactus Clothesline and they fight to the back where Wall chokeslams Bigelow through a table for the DQ.

Rating: D. Well that happened. This was looking like a decent brawl until the lame ending in less than three and a half minutes. The story makes sense here and it’s good to see Wall get the better of it (this is one of those cases where leaving Bigelow laying is better than getting a win) but I don’t see this getting him anywhere because WCW.

Post match David Flair and Crowbar go after Wall with Crowbar getting in some good shots. Bigelow is loaded onto a stretcher, likely due to shock of how lame the table spot was. Crowbar and Wall wind up on the metal set and, of course, Crowbar gets chokeslammed through the wooden part of the set. Wall has a euphoric look on his face, which is totally and completely different than Bubba Ray Dudley’s euphoric look when he puts people through tables. Fans: “JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!”

Crowbar is taken out on a stretcher and this takes forever. The announcers get serious, so let’s go to Brian Knobbs, who dedicates his next match to David Flair and Crowbar. David wasn’t really hurt but let’s dedicate it to him anyway.

Hardcore Title: Brian Knobbs vs. 3 Count

3 Count is defending as a unit and this is elimination rules. Before the match, it’s time for some singing and dancing, which is more entertaining than the previous match but Knobbs interrupts. Tony actually asks how they can call this match when they aren’t sure if Crowbar is ever going to walk again and think they should stop the show. OH SCREW OFF. This comes off as trying to play off of Owen Hart’s death and Vince not stopping the show. As in a real life death being compared to a scripted bump. If that’s what they were doing, then WCW deserves to go under on this night instead of a year later.

Anyway, Knobbs brings some weapons down and shrugs off 3 Count using them against him. Shannon gets a Pit Stop but Shane (in a mask to protect his broken nose) blasts Brian in the face with a chair. They whip him into a ladder and all three dive off the top of it with splashes/a Swanton. The champs stop for some dancing but eat a big blast from a fire extinguisher, followed by a chair to Shane’s broken nose for the first elimination.

Knobbs spends a minute setting up a table before powerbombing Evan through it to get this down to one on one. Helms is back up despite being eliminated but Knobbs easily beats him down as well. Brian falls over a table with Shannon on top for three but Knobbs is in the ropes, which apparently saves you in a hardcore match. So falls count anywhere, as long as you’re not in the ropes? I felt stupid just typing something like that. Knobbs beats up Evan and Shane again before a middle rope trashcan shot to Shannon gives him the title back. Tenay: “Respectability just came back to the hardcore division!”

Rating: D-. A foot on the ropes in a hardcore match. Not only does WCW not get why the WWF’s hardcore division worked, but they also don’t get what hardcore is supposed to be about. 3 Count as champions had potential but why go with something interesting when you can go with one of Hogan’s friends?

Harlem Heat is ready.

The limo is still sitting there.

Vampiro says he’s ashamed by the things he sees and the violent things he thinks about doing. He wants to be a good person but Fit Finlay keeps pushing him to do very bad things. Tony: “You could subtitle Uncensored very bad things.”

Kidman/Booker vs. Harlem Heat

J. Biggs sits in on commentary because we haven’t had a guest commentator in a few matches now. Booker slugs away at Stevie to start as you can see five very empty seats about ten rows off the floor. You would think they would send someone out there to hide how bad that looks. Kidman comes in and loses the team’s advantage, allowing for the tag off to Big T. It’s back to Booker to clean about half the house but Harlem Heat double teams Kidman down again.

Torrie gets on the apron for no apparent reason and Biggs calls her a yak. Kidman gets thrown outside where Big T. can dive over the barricade to take him down again, causing a small earthquake in the process. Booker breaks up a cover and Biggs keeps jabbering away, only to finally shut up when Kidman DDT’s Stevie for a breather. The hot tag brings in Booker to clean the rest of the house.

The Rock Bottom gets two on T. and a second one drops Ray. Stevie isn’t the legal man though so it’s a double side slam instead, with Kidman making a fast save. Tony: “TEAMWORK!” Kidman shoves Stevie into Cash and comes in for a sunset flip on T. with Booker kicking him over to give Kidman the pin.

Rating: C-. Not terrible here and the right team won, but I don’t buy for a second that they’re going to be used properly, at least not with the Harris Twins around to suck the life out of anything that’s going on in the tag division. Kidman and Booker work well together and we got to see Torrie so this is pretty easily the best thing of the night so far.

We look at Crowbar being chokeslammed through the stage again.

Recap of Finlay vs. Vampiro, which has really just been Finlay attacking him backstage. This comes after Vampiro was getting some cups of coffee in the main event. Now he’s here.

Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay

Oh and let’s make it falls count anywhere because Heaven forbid we have more than one or two wrestling matches tonight. Finlay puts him down to start and we’re on a nerve hold thirty seconds in. Vampiro fights up and nails a top rope spinwheel kick before slowly stomping away. That’s fine with Finlay who gets a chair, but Little Naitch takes it away because this is falls count anywhere and not a No DQ match.

Instead they head outside with Finlay dropping him throat first across the barricade, meaning it’s time to fight into the crowd. It gets all the way to the concourse as they do the “grab hair and walk with me” formula. They hit the women’s room as I’m still trying to figure out why these two are even fighting like this. It goes to the men’s room for the sake of taste and Vampiro climbs onto a stall but dives into a trashcan shot. They leave again and the lights turn red before both guys head outside. Never mind as they head back inside where Vampiro sends him into a wall and The Nail in the Coffin on the concrete ends Finlay.

Rating: D. BUT WHY WERE THEY FIGHTING??? I’ve been watching the TV shows lately and I still have no idea why these two are even mad at each other. I know they’ve had issues in the back but what started it all? Vampiro is stuck back down on the card instead of doing something important because he was on the verge of mattering and WCW will not stand for that.

Vampiro walks through the crowd. Roman Reigns he is not.

The Mamalukes are ready for their title defense.

Tag Team Titles: Harris Brothers vs. Mamalukes

The Mamalukes (Big Vito/Johnny the Bull) are defending against Ron and Don. We’ll make it No DQ just so things don’t stay boring. Disco jumps in on commentary too so we can keep up the trend. Vito hammers on Don to start and the Twins take a breather on the floor. Back in and Johnny powerslams Don for two before it’s right back to Vito.

Don doesn’t know how to sell a double elbow to the jaw (hint: FALL DOWN!) and instead hits Vito low to take over. The champs take over on the now legal Ron (does it matter if he’s legal in a No DQ match?) and hit something like the H Bomb for two. Don can’t even hit Johnny from the apron properly (it looked like he was messing with his hair) but it’s enough for Ron to take over for the first time.

Don side slams Johnny for two but the Bull is able to make the tag so Vito can fire off his good looking kicks. A top rope elbow gets two on Ron and a Hart Attack gets the same. Back in and the H Bomb gets two on Vito with Johnny making the save. Disco sneaks in with a belt shot to Ron for two but Don lays everyone out with the belt and the H Bomb to Vito gives the Twins the titles. Lucky us.

Rating: D. So the boring team just beat the ok team to win the titles. Like I said, lucky us. It was a watchable match but there was no need for this to be No DQ. The Twins are one of the least interesting teams that I’ve seen in a long time and I have no idea who decided they should be in the main event scene.

Finlay admits that the better man won tonight and wants Vampiro to keep that fire burning.

Ric Flair praises Lex Luger again because that’s all he knows how to do anymore.

We recap Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk, which is over how tough Dustin is compared to his daddy and then something about beating him over the head with a chicken.

Dustin says tonight is Funk’s retirement match and he’ll admit that Dustin is the American Nightmare.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk

Bullrope match, which is TOTALLY different than the strap match later. Terry comes out with the chicken as this feud built around someone who doesn’t even work for the company continues. Funk says he has Dustin’s baby brother here and it’s a guy in a chicken suit. Even Tony seems to find this stupid. Dustin chases the chicken and walks into a left hand from the chicken in Terry’s hand.

They’re not attached yet so Terry whips him with the rope. A cowbell to the head gets two for Terry but Dustin hits him low to take over. They’re still not tied together so Dustin just hits Terry in the head over and over with the bell. They finally tie it up and Dustin gets two off a DDT. A bulldog onto the cowbell gets two for Dustin and here’s the guy in the chicken suit again. Dustin quickly lays him out for the sake of good taste but Terry crotches him on the top rope to slow Rhodes down.

There’s a low blow with the cowbell (Madden: “That’ll hurt your ding a ling.”) Funk grabs the mic and says he’s making this an I Quit match. The referee says no and gets a cowbell to the head. Dustin takes a bunch of cowbells to the head and Dustin quits. However, that doesn’t count because this is pinfall or submission only and quitting doesn’t count. I mean just……no wait, I don’t know what I mean because THAT MAKES NO SENSE. Anyway, Terry argues with the referee, allowing Dustin to hit Terry in the head with a cowbell before a piledriver onto the bell is enough to give Rhodes the pin.

Rating: D-. Good night just end this show already. I have no idea why I was supposed to care about this but I guess these families feuded like twenty years ago and since Terry Funk doesn’t know how to retire, the thing is still going. This wasn’t interesting and was all about the whole TEXAS IS AWESOME theme, which is really annoying if you’re not from Texas.

They keep fighting post match until they just stop.

Sid is ready for Jarrett.

Recap of Sting vs. Luger, which is over Luger breaking everyone’s arm, starting with Sting.

Total Package vs. Sting

This is a lumberjack match with everyone whose arm Luger has broken surrounding the ring, plus anyone Luger could find who was willing to wear a cast as well. Tony: “Mark Madden is not wearing pants.” It took you an hour and forty five minutes to notice that???Before the match, Luger tries to calm the situation down by apologizing to everyone whose arm has been broken recently.

Luger jumps Sting before he can get the trench coat (it’s not a cape Tony) off. Sting slugs him out to the floor but it’s right in front of the heel lumberjacks. Back in and Sting goes into his greatest hits catalog but the big jumping elbow ACTUALLY CONNECTS. Madden thinks Sting’s acting career is taking off to the point that he could be the next Alicia Silverstone. Luger is sent outside and the good guys, including Doug Dillinger, stomps him down. Madden: “CALL SECURITY!”

Back in and Luger sends Sting to the heel side for the same treatment. Cue Tank Abbott to punch out Dillinger, causing the lumberjacks to finally give up and brawl to the back. Luger slaps on a chinlock as only Vampiro is left at ringside. This brings out Flair to fight Vampiro as Sting makes his comeback.

Flair comes in to rake Sting’s eyes but gets splashed in the corner. Liz sneaks in with a ball bat shot to Sting’s shoulder but Jimmy Hart runs in to take Liz away. Sting kicks out at two, with the referee having to pause a bit because Sting wasn’t kicking out in time. There’s the Torture Rack but Vampiro hits Luger in the back with the bat, setting up the Death Drop for the pin.

Rating: F. How in the world are these two considered legends if this is as good as they can do? This was a HUGE mess with way too much interference and Sting looks like a loser who needed a save to make the win, even though it’s been treated like a huge victory for Sting. For some reason though, Luger is going to keep getting pushed and Flair is going to continue to be his lackey because WCW.

Vampiro and Sting hug post match. This could be a big rub for Vampiro.

Tank Abbott is asked why he hit Doug Dillinger. Tank: “Because he’s in the computer.”

We recap Jarrett vs. Sid, which is all about Jarrett hitting Sid with a lot of guitars.

The limo is opened as we’re told that the last two matches have been swapped.

Sid is surprised that he’s up next and runs off to fight. This was a totally unnecessary ten second segment.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious

Sid is defending. Before the match, Jeff says the girls will strip if he wins the title. Sid clotheslines him down to start and hits ten horrible right hands in the corner. Another clothesline puts Jeff on the floor and it’s already time to brawl. They head into the crowd and then up by the entrance with Sid in full control. Cue the Harris Twins to beat Sid down and give Jeff control.

Back in and Jarrett slugs away, earning himself a warning for clinched fists. The sleeper has Sid in trouble but he fights out and punches Jarrett out of the air. A big boot puts Jeff down but one of the Twins offers a distraction. The other Twin gets on the apron with the belt, only to have Jeff go face first into the gold for two. Another distraction lets Jeff get in a guitar shot as crooked referee Slick Johnson comes in to count. Hogan makes the save at two and cleans house to give Sid the easy pin to retain. Much like Sting, some hero.

Rating: D-. I guess this was their way of trying to keep the fans awake during the most boring title match in recorded history but it really didn’t do the trick. Instead this was messy and a borderline disaster, only saved by the fact that this was less than eight minutes long. Thankfully that’s it for Sid vs. Jeff but unfortunately it’s about a month too late.

Hogan and Sid get beaten down so here’s Flair to start the main event in a hurry.

Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

This is a Yappapi strap match, which means strap match plus all the racist overtones you can find. It’s the four corners variety to make sure no one has to actually do a job (and by no one of course I mean Flair because Hogan isn’t losing to Flair as a face). Flair beats on him for a bit before they get tied up and it’s to the outside where Hogan takes over. Back in and Hulk chokes a bit as we hear about Flair still being upset over Bash at the Beach 1994. Flair chokes a lot but Hogan kicks him low.

The chops have no effect (Flair: “OH GOD I’M SORRY!”) and Hogan chokes even more. Now it’s time for punching and biting in the corner before Flair rakes the eyes. Using his new found advantage, Flair goes up top and gets slammed down. Jimmy Hart gets in some strap shots of his own and Ric is busted open.

They fight up to the ramp and here’s Luger to blast Hogan with a chair. Now Hulk is busted open too and a low blow stops his latest comeback attempt. Back in and Flair punches and chokes until Jimmy’s latest rescue attempt fails. The camera pans over and, I kid you not, the bottom section of chairs, as in the first probably twenty rows, is about 75% empty. Even TNA doesn’t have that kind of issues today.

Flair busts out the brass knuckles to knock Hogan out for two. Not two buckles or anything, but a two count, because even the wrestlers and referee don’t get the rules. Hulk makes his comeback, touches three buckles, beats up Luger again (with a boot to the hand), drops a leg on Flair for a pin, and touches the fourth corner after the bell to make it clear that he wins.

Rating: F. In the year 2000, the wrestlers and referees couldn’t figure out the rules, there was a ton of interference and Hogan somehow beat Flair twice in the same one fall match. This main evented a pay per view just two weeks before Wrestlemania. Horrible main event and a perfect ending to such an awful pay per view.

Overall Rating: F-. This was one of the worst shows I can remember and that’s what I fully expected coming in. I don’t think this one requires a long winded explanation, but here’s one of the major issues: this show runs 2:34 with 11 matches. Only two matches break nine minutes. How can WCW look at this and actually think this is the best they can do? I know the reboot is coming soon and after this, there’s almost no way they could keep going in this direction.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: March 15, 2000
Location: Patriot Center, Fairfax, Virginia
Attendance: 5,891
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

It’s the go home show for Uncensored and it can’t come soon enough. Things have picked up a bit but there’s only so much you can do with the material they’re being given. The main event scene is crowded with the double feud of Sting vs. Luger and Flair vs. Hogan, leaving Jarrett vs. Sid over the World Title at third on the card. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

La Parka/Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Silver King/El Dandy

La Parka’s dubbed voice confirms that he is in fact in the hizzouse tonight. Chavo takes Dandy down to start and backdrops him to the floor, meaning it’s off the partners. La Parka quickly takes over because he’s just more awesome than everyone else in the ring, meaning it’s time for the strut. A Dandy distraction lets King get in a clothesline but El’s backsplash hits his partner by mistake.

Back up and Dandy tries to hold La Parka for a dropkick but these two still don’t work that well together. La Parka hits a nice corkscrew dive onto Dandy on the floor, leaving Chavo to dropkick King to the floor. Things settle down a bit with La Parka moonsaulting onto Dandy for two more, only to have the heels finally start working together to take La Parka down.

A DDT gets two for King but he lets Chavo in, only to take him down just as easily as he took out La Parka. When did Silver King get good? A slingshot elbow gets two on Chavo and everything breaks down again. La Parka pulls Dandy out of the corner and onto his shoulders for a high cross body from Chavo, who follows with the tornado DDT to put El away.

Rating: C. I’ve seen worse, because amazingly enough, four guys who have experience and that whole talent thing are able to put on a better match than Prince Iaukea has ever been able to do. That’s why this division is so dead right now. Iaukea isn’t an interesting wrestler, but he’s champion because he has an over the top gimmick. What WCW doesn’t get is there has to be some substance under the flashiness and Iaukea just did not have that.

Post break and Don’t Try This At Home (from Brian Knobbs, who is the safest wrestler ever), Miss Hancock offers to manage Silver King/El Dandy with the chance of moving up to groin excitement if they meet certain contractual obligations.

Here’s Team Package for the final push promo for Sunday. Luger starts things off by saying Team Package is in the house. True, but are they in the hizzouse? Also points off for using your own voice. Luger rips on Sting for being a coward and not showing up tonight before it’s off to Flair to mention everyone whose arm has been broken recently. I could watch Flair put his foot in his mouth and have it get his buddies in trouble all day.

Hulkamania is dead of course but here’s Jimmy Hart to disagree. Jimmy accuses Ric of turning his back on Anderson and David to be Luger’s lackey (true, which still makes no sense) and reminds Flair that Hogan is the one on Larry King’s show and Entertainment Tonight because Hogan is the bigger star.

Luger yells at Jimmy and tells him to get out of here, but Hart suddenly has guts and hits Flair with Hogan’s weightlifting belt. This earns him a Torture Rack and a whipping but points for trying. Of course negative points for this being a feud about Hogan and Luger being big stars and everyone being in awe of them instead of putting over someone young, but Jimmy had some guts out there.

The cruiserweights are fighting over the title in the back when Charles Robinson comes in and says tonight it’s Psychosis vs. Kaz Hayashi. No mention of it being a title match or a #1 contenders match or anything but I guess that’s what we’re supposed to infer. Then again since this is WCW, it might be a loser gets a raise match.

Hogan checks on Hart and wants Luger and Flair out there tonight.

Kaz Hayashi vs. Psychosis

They don’t waste time around here. Apparently the winner of this gets a title shot on Sunday. Well that’s better than nothing. Psychosis takes over with some basics to start but Kaz takes his head off with a spinwheel kick. Psychosis’ head that is. Taking your own head off with a kick would be rather stupid. Psychosis gets sent to the floor for a flip dive which gets two back inside. A clothesline drops Kaz and he charges into an elbow in the corner to keep himself in trouble. Psychosis grabs a nice top rope hurricanrana, flips out of I think a backdrop and rolls Kaz up for a very quick pin.

They shake hands post match but Iaukea runs out and lays both guys out, including hitting the middle rope DDT on Psychosis. Some challenger.

Jeff Jarrett calls Gene slap nuts. That’s better than the dirty old man gimmick.

Team Package vs. Hogan in a handicap match later.

Bam Bam Bigelow has words we can’t hear with……Oklahoma? He’s still around?

Tank Abbott vs. Buzzkill

You get the idea by now. Buzzkill is out in 23 seconds.

Back from a break and Wall is beating up David Flair and Crowbar. He drags David to the concession area (save it for Tupelo people) and then and then to the balcony, but Bam Bam Bigelow runs up to stop Wall from the whole killing David thing. Bigelow and Wall fight into the lobby and Wall is sent through a table. Sounds like we need a (re?)match on Sunday.

Kidman wishes Booker luck against Jarrett and kisses Torrie.

Wall is taken away by cops. I knew that whole attempted murder thing would get him in trouble eventually.

US Title: Booker vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett is defending but has to eject the girls before Booker comes out. Feeling out process to start with Booker going for some quick rollups. A big clothesline puts the champ down but he avoids another clothesline, sending Booker straight into the ropes and out to the floor. Jeff hits something like a Stunner over the barricade and he shouts something censored. See, tonight it’s censored tonight but Sunday is UNCENSORED!!!

Now stop me if you’ve heard this one before, though I doubt you ever have, but Jarrett puts on a sleeper for two arm drops but Booker fights up and hooks a sleeper of his own, only to be quickly counters. Jeff jumps into a Rock Bottom for two but the ax kick barely keeps him down. Cue the Harris Twins who quickly distract the referee, allowing Jarrett to sneak in a belt shot. Booker manages to kick out to give the fans some hope and hits a side kick, only to have the Twins come in. They’re fought off for a bit but an H Bomb plants Booker, setting up the Stroke to retain Jeff’s title.

Rating: C+. Good match, and of course they kept the title on Jarrett because it’s going to take dynamite to get that belt off him. Or a company reset, whichever comes first. Booker continues to be better than the rest of the roster by just wrestling matches instead of being lazy and goofy, which makes him a rare breed in WCW.

Sid saves Booker from the spray paint.

Dustin Rhodes says he’s going to cut Terry Funk up with the bullrope. As for Kidman tonight, he’s never heard the word the American Dream. Yes word, not words. So much for the Texas educational system.

Booker blames Kidman for the loss because Kidman didn’t have his back. True actually.

Vampiro vs. Hugh Morrus

Vampiro starts with the kicks and chops but makes the mistake of trying a headlock, allowing Hugh to suplex him down. Now it’s Morrus with the chops in the corner before biting Vampiro’s head. They head outside with Vampiro, who can forget about his main event spots I guess, being sent into a chair. An apron elbow crushes Vampiro again but Hugh takes too much time yelling at fans, allowing Vampiro to come back with a kick to knock Morrus back inside.

It’s time to go up top, but Vampiro dives into a powerbomb because we can’t let him look good for too long. No Laughing Matter connects but Morrus doesn’t cover. It’s table time but Vampiro gets off and throws Morrus off the top and through the table…..for two. It should be a DQ, but instead it’s two. Not that it matters as Vampiro plants Morrus with the Nail in the Coffin for the pin. Well that was anticlimactic.

Rating: C-. This was turning into a good brawl before they just let it end. I’m also not a fan of someone just not going for what should be an easy win for the sake of bringing in something to continue the match. There’s no logical reason for Morrus to bring in a table after he had Vampiro pinned, but it’s the only way to get to the ending they had planned. It’s illogical and takes away what they had going.

Kidman doesn’t like Booker’s tone.

This Week in WCW Motorsports.

Demon/Norman Smiley vs. Brian Knobbs/The Dog

This week Norman’s attire is in a KISS shirt. Demon and Dog fight inside while Knobbs chokes Norman on the barricade. There’s no word on if this is a hardcore match but I’ll go on a limb and say it is, because Heaven forbid we see Knobbs in a wrestling match. Dog gets clotheslined to the floor but comes back in with a spinebuster for a near fall.

Smiley comes in, screams at the Dog, and walks into the Pit Stop, followed by a slam from Dog. This of course leads to barking because HE’S A DOG. The brawling continues until Knobbs runs into Demon’s boot in the corner. Demon heads up top but here’s Lana for a distraction, because this match was just begging for more people. Knobbs superplexes Demon down and picks him back up for a middle rope powerslam from Dog (the Dog Pound) for the pin.

Rating: D. As has been the case with so many wrestlers, namely Demon and Dog, I’ll quote the age old classic Angels in the Outfield: “There’s a thing called talent. They don’t haven it.” That’s one of those things you just can’t get around. A good gimmick can cover a lot of flaws, but these guys have some of the worst gimmicks I’ve ever seen and very limited talent on top of that. How could they possibly work?

Long video on Uncensored.

Team Package loves the idea of having Hogan 2-1 tonight.

Kidman vs. Dustin Rhodes

Rhodes slugs him up against the ropes but Kidman comes back for two off a quick cross body. After a quick trip to the floor for a breather, Dustin comes back in and stomps Kidman down, only to eat a dropkick and Bodog out of the corner. For some reason Rhodes tries to go up but gets caught with ease. Kidman loads up a belly to back suplex but Dustin grabs the cowbell to knock him silly, setting up the bulldog for the pin.

Booker comes out to check on him but that’s Torrie’s job.

Total Package/Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan

All three get their own entrances. Hogan charges to the ring like the moron he often is and gets beaten down, only to come back with a double noggin knocker as we flash back to 1986. After the usual array of clotheslines, one of which sends Luger to the floor, Hogan whips Flair into the corner and outside as well as we’re still in the part where Hogan actually tries.

Hulk follows them outside for a whipping with the belt before it’s back inside for REALLY bad looking punches to Flair. Seriously Hulk, they’re PUNCHES. You’ve thrown thousands of them in your career. If there’s one thing you should be able to do, it’s throw a freaking punch. Luger gets knocked to the floor again (bad night for him so far) and Flair tries chops because he’s not that bright.

To follow up on this theory, he goes up top and I’ll let you fill in the blanks for yourself. Hogan uses the belt again (I would complain about the lack of disqualifications around here, but it’s such a trend in WCW that it’s not even worth bringing up again), Flair finally hits Hogan low to take over. Everyone heads outside for more chops (which actually work this time) and some chair shots to Hogan’s back.

There’s another low blow and some stomping, followed by Flair whipping Hogan with the belt. A double clothesline drops Hogan and that’s all it takes for him to Hulk Up. Well at least they didn’t wait long this time. Hogan cleans house and blocks a chair shot from Liz before whipping both guys with the belt. Flair runs off and Hogan pursues to a double countout.

Rating: D+. Well, they did keep it moving. The one thing you can always count on from Hogan is to keep things moving and that’s what he did here. Now of course you have to ignore the lack of the referee doing anything, the lame punches and the bad brawling, but at least they didn’t let things get boring.

Overall Rating: C-. This was WAY better than what they’ve been doing recently as it was downright watchable. The wrestling ranged from good to just average bad instead of awful and they plugged Uncensored (yes it looks horrible on paper but they did a good job of building it). That’s really the best you can expect from Thunder these days: some decent wrestling and storyline support. It’s very much like a weak version of a modern day Smackdown, which is both encouraging and depressing in a way.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6