WWF Superstars – April 25, 1992: When Hulk Is Away, Berzerker Attempts To Stab Undertaker

Superstars
Date: April 25, 1992
Location: Wings Stadium, Kalamazoo, Michigan
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

The look back at Superstars continues on the WWE Vault and I’m certainly fine with that. It’s the former big weekly show and that means things might actually happen around here. I had fun doing a show from about a month after this one and it could be interesting to see what happens on this episode too. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Vince McMahon is on his own to start as Mr. Perfect has to be in Ric Flair’s corner as Flair tries to get back on track after losing the WWF Title at Wrestlemania.

Here’s who to expect on the show.

Ric Flair vs. Ron Cumberledge

Feeling out process to start with Flair backing him into the corner and slowly hammering away. Perfect calls Cumberledge “Savage”, with Vince correcting him because that’s something Vince would do. The Figure Four finishes fast at 2:13.

UPDATE!

We get a look at the concert in the park, featuring Sherri, Jimmy Hart, the Mounties and the Nasty Boys singing for charity. It’s as bad as you would expect. There was also a Wrestlemania Superstars Look A Like contest and…I’ve seen worse. We had a big reception, with Hulk Hogan bringing out his daughter and wife for a rare cameo. Finally, there was a brunch, which looks more like wrestlers just sitting around. This was actually rather cool and felt like the forerunner to Axxess.

British Bulldog vs. Kevin Kruger

Perfect joins commentary, thankfully getting us away from Vince doing a solo job. Bulldog armdrags him down a few times to start and hits a slam as Vince refers to Kruger as “the opposition”, likely not knowing his name. The delayed vertical suplex sets up the running powerslam to finish Kruger at 1:29.

You’ve got to want it! As in the WBF Bodystars. I don’t think many people wanted it.

Beverly Brothers vs. Erik Collins/Mike Freedom

The Genius is here with the Beverly Brothers. Beau beats on Freedom to start and we get an insert promo from the Beverlys, who dub the Legion Of Doom (and Paul Ellering) the Legion Of SISSIES. The jump onto the back hits Freedom and Beau calls him Animal (ala Mr. Perfect in the first match). The Shaker Heights Spike finishes at 1:48.

Post match Genius pours out some yellow paint so the Beverlys can do an LOD mockup on Collins. Actually make that LOS.

EVENT CENTER!

The Legion Of Doom is ready to wreck the Beverly Brothers.

The Repo Man can help the economy because he takes things from people so they don’t have to waste money paying for them. And he’ll be rich!

Crush is at a junk heap where he talks about his mom telling him to mind his manners as a kid. We see a black and white video of a child trying to pour milk but squeezing the carton too hard, sending the milk flying. Back in real life (and in color), Crush says he’s full grown, so who is going to teach him to mind his manners now?

Shawn Michaels vs. George Anderson

Sherri is here with Shawn, who hammers Anderson into the corner to start. A knockdown lets us hear from Bret Hart, who isn’t going to let Shawn tarnish the Intercontinental Title. The superkick connects (not really) and the Teardrop suplex finishes Anderson at 1:47.

EVENT CENTER TWO!

Texas Tornado knew there would be difficult challenges when he came here and gives a rather incoherent promo (I’m shocked) about how the two belts (or maybe one) are about honor and the dreams he is made of. Or something. I think.

The Nasty Boys want the Tag Team Titles back.

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Brooklyn Brawler

Slaughter hammers away to start and leapfrogs him, much to Perfect’s shock. The insert promo sees Slaughter promising to make the Mountie an international maggot. Does that include official paperwork? A gutbuster into an elbow to the ribs sets up the Cobra Clutch to finish the Brawler at 1:39.

Sid Justice, with Harvey Wippleman, comes out to the platform for a chat. Justice is sick of the Ultimate Warrior and the Little Warriors because he is the man that everyone fears. Warrior tried to save Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania but who is saving the Warrior from Justice? No one can do it because Justice rules the world.

Shawn Michaels has left the building!

Natural Disasters vs. Kent Carlson/Tom Stone

Earthquake knocks Carlson down to start and powers him into the corner without much trouble. The big elbow to the back connects as we get an insert promo from Money Inc., with Jimmy Hart, bragging about retaining the Tag Team Titles at Wrestlemania. A double splash in the corner to Carlson sets up a double splash in the corner to Carlson and Stone at the same time. The Earthquake into the big splash finishes Carlson at 2:30.

EVENT CENTER! WHERE THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT EVENTS!

Skinner is tired of having to prove himself and it’s time to beat people because he’s hungry.

Tatanka thanks everyone from the great spirits to the fans for their support. He wants to rise to the top and make his people proud again. Not a bad promo here.

Undertaker vs. Berzerker

Paul Bearer and Mr. Fuji are here too. Hold on though as Fuji steals the Urn and Berzerker hits Bearer with the shield. Berzerker hits Undertaker with the shield a few times and then hits him in the back with the sword (as you do). A stab sends the sword through the mat and Berzerker knocks Undertaker to the floor. Berzerker piledrives him on the exposed concrete and leaves, only for Undertaker to stalk him up the aisle.

Skinner is ready for the Ultimate Warrior on Superstars.

The Ultimate Warrior is ready for Skinner on Superstars.

Next week: an update on Undertaker! You mean the guy who got up and walked away? What kind of update do we need?

Overall Rating: C+. This is far from a good time for the promotion, but dang it’s fun to see how things can go with the company trying to find something that works. When you have things like Undertaker almost being stabbed and the LOD being called the LEGION OF SISSIES, you can tell they’re trying to find themselves. That’s what had to happen with Hogan stepping away though and it makes for a fascinating transitional period, which was just getting going.

Results
Ric Flair b. Ron Cumberledge – Figure Four
British Bulldog b. Kevin Kruger – Running powerslam
Beverly Brothers b. Erik Collins/Mike Freedom – Shaker Heights Spike to Collins
Shawn Michaels b. George Anderson – Teardrop suplex
Sgt. Slaughter b. Brooklyn Brawler – Cobra Clutch
Natural Disasters b. Kent Carlson/Tom Stone – Splash to Carlson

 

Head over to my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com with thousands of reviews from around the world and throughout wrestling history.




WWF Superstars: May 30, 1992: Black Goo And Prime Beef

Superstars
Date: May 30, 1992
Location: War Memorial, Syracuse, New York
Attendance: 4,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

This was thrown up on the WWE Vault and I could go for something from a different era. We’re done with Wrestlemania VIII and since it’s 1992, there is no pay per view for about three months. That means we could be in for a nice variety of things on this show and that is what I’m wanting to see. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Vince and Perfect talk about Papa Shango making black goo come down the Ultimate Warrior’s head last week. Since it’s National Dairy Month, Perfect turns this into some weird spoiled milk analogy and it really doesn’t work.

We run down this week’s card.

Legion Of Doom vs. Rich Mitchell/Kato

Animal backs Kato into the corner to start and leapfrogs over him, setting up a powerbomb. Vince talks about how the LOD gets their strength from ICO-PRO, promising to tell us about it more in the future. Kato gets dropped on the floor as we get an inset promo from the Beverly Brothers/The Genius, calling the LOD a bunch of sissies. The Doomsday Device finishes Mitchell at 1:48.

We go to UPDATE, presented by WBF Magazine. Gene Okerlund talks about the hold that Papa Shango has over the Ultimate Warrior and we get a look at Shango cursing him and causing him to have a bad stomach ache. Then Warrior vomited in the locker room. The next week, Warrior said the voodoo would be conquered…and black goo to come out of Warrior’s head. Ignore the jacket that Warrior has never worn before when this bad thing happens to him.

Papa Shango vs. Brian Brieger

Hold on though as Shango issues another curse, which causes the lights go to out…and lights Brieger’s boots on fire (with Brieger being knocked out as a result). Then goo comes out of his head. No match, due to goo and fire.

EVENT CENTER!

Tatanka is angry at Rick Martel for spraying Arrogance in his face and stealing his feather. Those were passed down to him and Martel is PUTTING THEM IN HIS HAT? That will not stand and Tatanka swears vengeance.

Repo Man talks about how hard it is to repossess cars because people don’t want him to take them. That’s why he takes them at night because it’s so much easier! He doesn’t like the British Bulldog either and threatens to choke him for barking too much. Well that’s violent.

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Bob Bradley

Commentary talks about the WBF as Bradley pokes him in the eyes to start. Slaughter shrugs that off and knocks him to the apron for an elbow. We get an insert promo from the Mountie, who promises to shock Slaughter. Some choking on the ropes sets up the cobra clutch to finish for Slaughter at 1:45.

We get an add for the WBF Championships, with Vince promising “prime beef.”

Rick Martel vs. Jim Powers

Martel cartwheels away from the threat of a monkey flip to start before we go to a Martel insert promo. As Martel promises to send “Buffalo Breath” onto the Trail Of Tears, Powers takes him down with some clotheslines. Powers armdrags him into an armbar for a bit before grabbing a sunset flip for two. Martel fights up without much trouble and puts on the Boston Crab for the win at 1:52.

Post match Martel sprays the feathers with Arrogance for good measure.

EVENT CENTER! AGAIN!

The Nasty Boys don’t like high fliers like High Energy.

Paul Bearer, with Undertaker, is ready to deal with the Berzerker. Undertaker: “Rest in H***.” Well that was intense.

Watch the Crunch Classic! If I remember right, that’s a bad idea.

Natural Disasters vs. Duane Gill/Mike Fury

The Disasters waste no time in clearing the ring as we get an insert promo from Money Inc., who don’t like the Disasters very much. Earthquake elbows Fury and the double splash in the corner makes it worse. Gill tries to make a save and Vince is amazed at the stupidity. Earthquake’s powerslam sets up the Earthquake, followed by Typhoon’s splash to finish Fury at 2:54.

Big Boss Man vs. Dave Roulette

Boss Man has been dealing with someone with a mysterious voice who has been rather threatening. An elbow to the face and the wind up uppercut have Roulette (great name) in trouble and the Boss Man Slam finishes at 1:05.

Post match Boss Man slaps him around a bit…and here is a man in a prison uniform through the crowd to hit Boss Man with the nightstick. Some knees to the head rock Boss Man and he gets handcuffed to the top rope. More nightstick shots and some kicks to the back have him in trouble as Vince is wondering where the referees are for the save. He is at least nice enough to uncuff Boss Man, only to cuff his hands behind his back and hit Boss Man in the face a few times.

This goes on for a long time until the prison guy walks out through the crowd. Boss Man is taken out on a stretcher and Mr. Perfect is VERY happy. To be fair, Boss Man does have a history of beating on people he’s handcuffed (it was his entire thing as a heel) so Vince screaming “OF COURSE HE DIDN’T DO THAT” is nonsense.

Berzerker vs. Glen Ruth

Mr. Fuji is here with Berzerker and Ruth is better known as Headbanger Thrasher (though you would never recognize him). Berzerker boots him in the face before the bell and hammers away before dropping a knee. That works so well that he drops a leg for a bonus and HUSSes a lot. Commentary completely ignores the match to talk about the Big Boss Man, even as Berzerker ties him in the ropes for some running boots. Berzerker tosses him over the top and gets the countout at 1:57 as Vince is wondering what has happened to scientific wrestling.

Crush is in a junkyard and is ready to crush various people.

EVENT CENTER! THE THIRD!

Sgt. Slaughter is NOT the Mountie because he doesn’t like the Mountie. The reality is Mountie should have been playing Taps for Slaughter, who promises to make Mountie snap, crackle and pop.

Bret Hart is ready to face anyone for the Intercontinental Title, including Shawn Michaels.

We preview next week’s show to wrap this one up.

Overall Rating: C+. While I had fun with the show just for the sake of the flashback, there was only so much to be seen here. This was quite the slow period for the company as they were trying to find the new generation but it wasn’t there yet. You could see that with a focus on people like the Big Boss Man and Sgt. Slaughter in a fairly prominent feud, plus the biggest name being a quick cameo from Hart at the end. It wasn’t exactly an eventful show, but it was nice to take a quick look back at a different era.

Results
Legion Of Doom b. Rich Mitchell/Kato – Doomsday Device to Mitchell
Sgt. Slaughter b. Bob Bradley – Cobra clutch
Rick Martel b. Jim Powers – Boston crab
Natural Disasters b. Duane Gil/Mike Fury – Splash to Fury
Big Boss Man b. Dave Roulette – Boss Man Slam
Berzerker b. Glen Ruth via countout

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




March To Wrestlemania X: They Did A Great Job

March To Wrestlemania X
Date: March 13, 1994
Location: Liberty High School, Liberty, New York/Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Attendance: 1,600/Unknown
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Johnny Polo, Gorilla Monsoon, Stan Lane

It’s another one of these Wrestlemania preview specials and in this case that could be quite the improvement over last year. Wrestlemania X is one of those shows that receives almost universal praise so seeing how WWE got to their big night could be interesting. Or it could be a bunch of filler matches which don’t get us anywhere. Let’s get to it.

The hosts/commentators preview the show. Stan Lane thinks Jim Cornette might be up to something. That has to be so surreal for both of them.

Lex Luger vs. Jimmy Del Ray

Jim Cornette and Tom Prichard are here with Del Ray. Luger isn’t about to shake Del Ray’s hand and knocks him down a few times without much effort. A clothesline puts Del Ray down again as Polo keeps messing with a sound machine, much to McMahon’s annoyance. Luger misses a charge to the floor and gets slammed/stomped by Prichard.

Back in and Del Ray stomps in the corner, allowing Prichard to choke in the ropes for a bonus. The double arm crank goes on before Del Ray sends him into the corner for….well he pulls the bottom rope but I have no idea how that is supposed to hurt. Del Ray’s moonsault misses though and Luger makes the same generic comeback he always makes. Prichard gets decked and it’s a powerslam into the Rack to finish Del Ray at 8:38.

Rating: C-. Just a simple match here but Luger’s lack of charisma was on full display. There’s just nothing you can do when Luger is doing the same basic stuff he always does and it didn’t work here. It’s not a terrible match, but they did about all they could and it did not work.

Post match Luger calls out Yokozuna, who comes out for the staredown and then leaves.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Ben Jordan

Luna Vachon is here with Bigelow, who throws him around to start and grabs a neck crank. Jordan’s comeback is cut off with a Boss Man Slam (with the left arm for a weird visual). The headlock goes on and Bigelow wants the people to shut up. Jordan avoids a charge and slugs away, only to walk into a hot shot for the pin at 3:31.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here, with Bigelow running through Jordan, despite a few right hands here and there. Bigelow and Vachon were set for a mixed tag match against Doink and Dink so it wasn’t like they needed to be in any serious training. It’s better than not acknowledging the match, but not by much.

Video on Women’s Champion Alundra Blayze.

Vince and Polo talk about more than half of the 50 greatest pay per views of all time being WWF events. Well what were they really up against?

Tatanka is ready for Yokozuna, thanks to the power of his Little Squaws. Yeah that didn’t catch on.

Razor Ramon vs. Tony DeVito

Non-title. Razor powers him into the corner to start and gets in a mocking look, which was quite the trademark for him. DeVito gets powered into the corner and then taken down by the arm for some cranking. Razor hammers away in the corner and then hiptosses him back out, setting up the abdominal stretch with the raised leg for a bonus. The belly to back superplex sets up the Razor’s Edge for the pin at 4:09.

Rating: C. I can always go for a nice squash and that’s what we got here. Razor was on a roll at this point and was getting ready for his big showdown with Michaels in that whole ladder match thing. That’s more than enough to make for a big Wrestlemania match and you could feel the star power here, as he destroyed DeVito.

Polo brings out Owen Hart for a chat. Hart is tired of his brother Bret holding him down, though he has to talk over the WE WANT BRET chants. Hart knows that everything will change at Wrestlemania, because there is no law that says the older brother has to be better. As for tonight, he wants Crush to save just a bit of Bret so there are no excuses at Wrestlemania.

Little Richard is ready to do America The Beautiful at Wrestlemania.

Earthquake vs. The Executioner

The Executioner tries to go after him to start but gets knocked down. A rake to the eyes lets Executioner go up, but Earthquake launches him mask first to the mat in a painful looking crash. The powerslam into a big elbow into the Earthquake finishes at 1:52. Earthquake just felt out of place in 1994.

It’s time for the Wrestlemania Control Center and we talk about the celebrities rather than the actual matches. Thankfully we do get a recap of the WWF Title situation, complete with a bracket, which I’ll take over a triple threat match.

Jim Cornette is ready for Yokozuna to leave Wrestlemania as the WWF Champion, because of course Yokozuna can beat Lex Luger and Bret Hart will be coming in weakened. As for tonight, Tatanka is going to get crushed.

The rest of the card gets a quick look as well.

Bret Hart, being interviewed by Johnny Polo (that could be a fascinating discussion), is ready for at least Owen Hart, and whomever he faces for the WWF Title. Bret wears this leather jacket because he is the ring general and now he’s ready to face anyone. These two could have a great buddy cop comedy.

Bret Hart vs. Crush

Mr. Fuji is here with Crush. Hart’s waistlock doesn’t get him very far to start and it’s an early standoff. Crush wants a test of strength but Hart is a bit too intelligent for that. Then for some reason Hart does try it and is immediately taken down. Hart sends him out to the floor and then gets in an elbow to send Crush outside again.

We take a break and come back with Crush hitting a superkick and grabbing a choke on the mat. Back up and a whip into the corner has Hart in more trouble, setting up a cross armbreaker as Polo is CERTAIN that there is someone better than Hart. There has to be! Crush grabs a bearhug to keep him in trouble before Hart is sent outside again. Fuji’s cheap shot is cut off by the referee so Crush sends Hart into the steps for two instead.

A backbreaker gets two more and Crush poses, allowing Hart to roll him up for two of his own. The middle rope bulldog gives Hart two and the Russian legsweep leaves both of them down. Back up and Crush hits another backbreaker but a top rope knee misses. Fuji offers a distraction but Crush hits him by mistake, allowing Hart to make the real comeback. Cue Owen Hart to turn a small package over so Crush can steal the pin at 14:20.

Rating: B. This is what I love about these shows, as it came out of nowhere and wound up being a heck of a match. Who would expect Crush to have this kind of a match? Granted that’s part of the perk of facing Hart, who really can do something special with anyone. It shows you why people saw potential in Crush, who could have a good match if he was out there with the right opponent and wrestled the right style.

Rhonda Shear wants to see Lex Luger at Wrestlemania and will make time for it because she is the guest timekeeper. I feel dumber having listened to her talk.

Quebecers vs. ???/???

Non-title and the Quebecers are sent outside in a hurry to start. Back in (and after a hug), the Quebecers take over on one of the two, as Captain Lou Albano comes out to say he doesn’t like these tactics. Pierre backdrops Jacques into a backsplash for two and the slow beating continues. An Alabama Slam into a Boston crab/Fameasser combination finishes for Pierre at 4:06.

Rating: C-. Not much to this one but that’s about what you would have to expect. I’m not sure why else was going to happen here, with the Quebecers on their way to a Tag Team Title match at Wrestlemania. I still like them as a heel team and they were one of the few bright spots in a terrible time for the division.

We get a sitdown interview with Randy Savage (it’s so bizarre to see him in a Raw shirt) and he promises to get his dignity back. He had Yokozuna beaten in his chance to become a three time WWF Champion but then Crush cost him. It should have been him going to Wrestlemania to face Bret Hart and Lex Luger, who he could beat. Savage has put in the work to get to that title shot and he wore Yokozuna out.

He’ll get to Crush and everything is cool, even with the divorce. He is a coiled spring though and it’s a good idea to not have him in the building tonight. Savage can’t go to Wrestlemania X as the WWF Champion but he is going to get his revenge on Crush. He’s guaranteeing that he’ll leave Wrestlemania with his dignity. This was INCREDIBLE and one of the best Savage promos I’ve ever seen. He was all business here and didn’t even have his sunglasses on. Outstanding stuff and HOW DID VINCE MCMAHON NOT SEE MONEY IN THIS GUY???

Tatanka vs. Yokozuna

Non-title and Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette are here too. Polo thinks Tatanka is so ugly that he sleeps with his face in the pillows to be kind to burglars. Yokozuna jumps Tatanka to start and some chops to the head don’t get Tatanka very far. The big elbow misses and so does the splash, allowing Tatanka to hit a high crossbody for two. A knee to the ribs cuts Tatanka down again and naturally we hit the nerve hold.

The comeback doesn’t work for Tatanka as he gets pulled back down and then sent outside. The turnbuckle pad is taken off and we take a break. Back with Yokozuna going to another nerve hold as Polo and his sound machine have Vince very, very annoyed. Granted hearing Polo say that “Tatanka put a ruler next to his bed to see how long he slept” is more entertaining than the second nerve hold.

Yokozuna runs him over again but Tatanka manages to send him into the exposed buckle. A ridiculously delayed cover gets two so it’s the top rope chop to give us the TIMBER fall from Yokozuna. For some reason Tatanka tries the Papoose To Go and gets crushed with a belly to belly for his troubles. The Banzai Drop (Polo:”WHOOMP THERE IT IS!”) finishes Tatanka at 9:22.

Rating: C. Yeah this was when you could see things going south for Yokozuna, as a lot of the speed and movement which made someone of his size that much more impressive, is gone. Instead it’s a lot of standing in place before hitting the big moves and then things like the nerve hold. That being said, seeing Tatanka take a pinfall loss is still weird, but dang how good would it have been if THIS was his first loss? How much more of a killer would that make Yokozuna look like going into Wrestlemania?

Wrestlemania ad, treating it like a Broadway feature. I’ve heard worse ideas.

Commentary makes their WWF Title predictions, with Polo actually predicting Bret Hart to win the whole thing.

We get Men On A Mission’s Wrestlemania Rap. I heard this over thirty years ago ago and I still remember the line “The mission is the titles and we will win but we’re all gonna rock Wrestlemania X.” This could not be more early 90s if it tried, making it awesome.

Overall Rating: B-. While some of the wrestling was hit and miss, I had a good time with this and want to see Wrestlemania more than I did coming in. The fact that I’ve seen Wrestlemania X more times than I can count and kind of want to see it again is quite the effective sign. That Savage interview was outstanding and the Hart vs. Crush match went well. Solid enough show here and it did its job.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Wrestlemania IX (2025 Edition): When Giants Can’t Do It

Wrestlemania IX
Date: April 4, 1993
Location: Caesars Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 16,891
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage

With Wrestlemania XLI in Las Vegas (or really close to it), WWE is looking back at this show in ways that have never been done before. I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be some new appreciation for the show, as it’s not like anyone has ever really appreciated it before. It’s a double main event, though neither match is overly exciting. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on the location more than anything else, with Bret Hart and Yokozuna on the side of a casino.

Host Gorilla Monsoon introduces the newest WWF broadcaster: Jim Ross, who is rather impressed by some of the Roman set. Or he hates it. You never can tell with Ross. Either way, he hypes up the double main event and it still sounds wrong to hear Ross talk about Hulk Hogan.

Finkus Maximus (just go with it) introduces Caesar and Cleopatra, who come in on an elephant. After they do nothing (though the elephant does stand on its hind legs), Randy Savage is brought out on a sedan with some vestal virgins. Then Bobby Heenan, who was supposed to be on the sedan, comes out (backwards) on a camel. Naturally Heenan makes this work, because he can make just about anything work.

Intercontinental Title: Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels, with Luna Vachon, is defending after Tatanka, with Sherri (Shawn’s former manager) beat him a few times in non-title matches. Heenan says Sherri won’t be here in Tatanka’s corner. Savage: “Wrong again camel breath.” They take their time to get going before Michael’s single leg doesn’t exactly work. Tatanka comes back up with a hammerlock but has to power out of a top wristlock.

A headlock takeover out of the corner gives Michaels two so he tries it again, only to get reversed into a belly to back suplex. Michaels goes up but gets armdragged out of the air (cool), setting up a Flair Flip in the corner. Back in and Tatanka starts in on the arm with an armbar as commentary is thankfully right there to tell us about Michaels having a bad shoulder recently.

Michaels fights up but misses a charge into the post, setting up a shoulder breaker but Tatanka drops an elbow instead of covering (Savage is not pleased with the lack of a cover). A top rope chop hits Michaels so Tatanka goes up again, only to dive into the superkick for a sweet counter. They go outside where Michaels hits a hard clothesline off the apron, allowing him to flirt with Sherri for a bit.

Back in and the chinlock goes on, followed by some rapid fire lefts in the corner. For some reason Michaels climbs onto Tatanka’s shoulders and that’s good for an electric chair. Back up and the superkick is blocked, allowing Tatanka to fire off some chops. Even Heenan is getting on Tatanka for not covering so a high crossbody gives Tatanka two.

Michaels gets in a knockdown of his own and goes up but gets powerslammed out of the air for a big crash. They fight to the floor, where Michaels misses a dive off the apron for a nasty crash. That doesn’t work for Michaels, who pulls the referee out to break up the countout, which is a DQ at 18:23.

Rating: B-. This was getting really good by the end as they were just trading big shots. Tatanka was staying a step or two ahead of Michaels the whole way and if Michaels wasn’t such a big deal at this point, changing the title would not have been crazy. That being said, Michaels was clearly the prospect of the future here and protecting him made sense. Good opener here, which doesn’t feel nearly that long.

Post match Tatanka celebrates but Vachon jumps Sherri, leaving Tatanka to chase her off.

The Steiner Brothers are ready to face the Headshrinkers in their first Wrestlemania.

Steiner Brothers vs. Headshrinkers

Afa is here with the Headshrinkers. JR debuts the term “slobberknocker”, which has Heenan right there with the jokes. Scott armdrags Fatu to start and goes after the armbar. Fatu isn’t having that and they slug it out, which is of course fine with Scott. A clothesline turns Fatu inside out so he goes to the eyes to cut Scott off. Rick tries to cut off some double teaming but gets dropped with a single right hand in something you don’t see very often.

The Headshrinkers make the mistake of turning their backs on the Steiners, who go up top (same buckle) and come off with a double Steiner Line (that was awesome). Apparently Luna has attacked Sherri in the First Aid station as it’s off to Rick, who gets chopped down by Samu. Scott comes back in and starts slugging away but gets caught in a hot shot, which goes a bit too hard and he crashes out to the floor.

Afa BLASTS Scott with his stick and they go back inside, where Fatu hits a middle rope headbutt. Something like a bulldog puts Scott down again, as does a standing dropkick from Samu. A Demolition Decapitator (minus the rope walk) gets two but Fatu misses a top rope headbutt. It’s back to Rick, who is taken down with a double Stroke. An electric chair is loaded up but Rick powerslams Fatu out of the air (GEEZ) for two in an awesome looking counter. Scott is back in with a belly to belly but Samu snaps off a great looking superkick. Back up and a quick Frankensteiner gives Scott the pin at 14:27.

Rating: B. The more I watch this match, the more I like it, as you had four big, strong guys just laying it in over and over. They were absolutely beating the fire out of each other and it’s awesome throughout. That powerslam out of the air was great and I wanted to see them stay at it. Heck of a match here and we can call this an underrated gem.

Doink is thrilled with how well his “pranks” have been received, including ripping his ‘own arm out of its socket”, because only Randy Savage got the idea of a cast. Today he’s facing Crush, who might be….seeing double.

Crush vs. Doink The Clown

Doink wastes no time in spraying his flower at Crush to start, earning himself a slam on the floor. Crush posts him hard and they head inside for the first time, where Doink is whipped hard into the corner. Some shots from Doink just make Crush madder and they head back inside for a jumping necksnap over the top (Savage says “love it, love it, love it” over seeing one of his old moves).

Something close to a Stunner over the top staggers Crush though and Doink adds a top rope shot to the back. That works so well that Doink adds a middle rope version, plus another top rope shot to finally put Crush down. Another posting has Crush in more trouble but he powerslams Doink out of the air for quite the crash. A running clothesline sends Doink outside and it’s time to crawl underneath the ring.

That’s broken up so Crush teases the Head Vice, but the referee gets bumped. JR: “I’m concerned about the official who is lying there motionless.” Savage: “No he’s just out cold”. The Head Vice goes on and Doink is in trouble…but here is another Doink to hit Crush in the back with the cast. Two cast shots to the head knock Crush silly and we get a double vision deal. The original Doink gets the pin at 8:29.

Rating: C. The match wasn’t exactly great but it did have a clever ending. The original Doink was a rather interesting idea and could have gone a long way before he went on with the stupid comedy stuff. This should have told you that Crush wasn’t likely going anywhere as losing, even via a screwy finish, in this spot isn’t a good sign.

Post match another referee comes out to check under the ring for the other Doink but they can’t find him.

Todd Pettingill talks to some Japanese photographers, who like Yokozuna.

Bob Backlund vs. Razor Ramon

Backlund offers a handshake to start but gets a toothpick thrown in his face instead. Ramon shoves him into the corner without much trouble but Backlund sweeps the leg a few times and bounces back and forth like Brock Lesnar would later do. Ramon goes with the power take over as we hear about Lex Luger knocking out Bret Hart earlier today. Backlund shrugs it off and hits a hiptoss, followed by a missed dropkick. A butterfly suplex drops Ramon and an atomic drop does the same, only for Ramon to small package him for the pin at 3:44.

Rating: C-. This felt way out of place, as Ramon went from challenging for the WWF Title at the Royal Rumble to whatever this was supposed to be. I’m not sure why this was on the card but it’s one of the more bizarre matches you will ever see at Wrestlemania. At least it was short, but egads this did not feel like it belonged on Wrestlemania.

Money Inc. doesn’t seem worried about the Mega Maniacs. We look back at Money Inc. smashing Brutus Beefcake’s face with their briefcase, which got Jimmy Hart on Beefcake’s side. It also brought Hulk Hogan back to the WWF, but Money Inc. still isn’t worried.

Tag Team Titles: Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs

The Maniacs, with Jimmy Hart, are challenging and Hogan is sporting a REALLY nasty black eye (apparently from a Jetski accident but also possibly due to a backstage fight with Randy Savage, depending on which story you believe). The villains try to jump the Maniacs before the bell and are cleared out while Hogan’s music is still playing. Money Inc. is chased to the floor again and we finally start with Beefcake and IRS.

Beefcake gets taken into the wrong corner for some chops and DiBiase comes in for an elbow to the (masked) face. For some reason DiBiase goes for a shot to the face and hurts his own hand, setting up a double noggin knocker to bring us back to the 80s. DiBiase’s ram into the buckle has no effect either and Beefcake sends him into the corner over and over for some more success.

Hogan comes in for a few shots but it’s already back to Beefcake for the stomping. Hogan’s middle rope ax handle connects and DiBiase is sent outside. A poke to the eye cuts IRS off and Hogan sends him outside like a hero should be doing. Money Inc. teases leaving but are threatened with losing the titles if they don’t get back in. That means an eight count, sending Heenan into a rant about the rules being made up as they go.

Back in and DiBiase takes over on Hogan, with the champs getting in a variety of choking on the ropes. We hit the Million Dollar Dream and Hogan stays in it so long that he should be legally dead. Savage: “They’re hanging from the rafters! But they don’t have rafters in the Roman Coliseum. What they have are columns and they’re hanging from them!” Hogan fights up so Beefcake comes in (no tag) and puts the sleeper on DiBiase, leaving him out cold as well. They both beat the ten count and Beefcake comes back in to clean house, only for DiBiase to hit him in the back with the briefcase.

DiBiase finally goes after the mask and gets it off, meaning Beefcake’s face is sent into a raised boot in the corner. Beefcake fights up and drops IRS but the referee gets bumped. The double tag (unseen by the referee) brings in Hogan and DiBiase with the former slugging away.

The big boot hits DiBiase and Beefcake hits IRS with the mask. We get a double cover so Jimmy Hart turns his jacket inside out (it has black and white stripes) to count the double pin. Ever the morons, Hogan and Beefcake celebrate with the titles (Hogan slips on the ropes) and even Savage doesn’t think this makes sense. Another referee comes out to disqualify the Maniacs at 18:28.

Rating: D+. I’m not sure what makes good guys in wrestling so dumb but my goodness this was stupid even by wrestlers’ standards. It might have come after being so bored by the match, which was just WAY too long and nothing worth seeing. Hogan being in a tag team doesn’t feel important in the slightest and Beefcake felt like a relic of the past here. Just dull stuff here and a pretty lame flop of a match.

Post match the Maniacs are annoyed at the other referee for calling the DQ and Hart throws him over the top. Hogan gets to pose while Beefcake and Hart stand around, leaving him to open the briefcase and find….a brick. And money. One of which is given to the fans. Well gee I wonder why they’re cheering Hogan here.

Singer Natalie Cole has absolutely nothing to say but the CEO of Caesars Palace is a bit happier to have the WWF here.

Mr. Perfect isn’t worried about Lex Luger and his bionic forearm. Luger calls himself a knockout artist and beyond perfection but Perfect has been hot at the tables this week. He’s ready to go deal with….the Lexissus? Perfect almost cracks up at his flub and says he’s going to go do it.

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

Luger has some rather scantily clad women with him and Savage seems interested. JR: “I’ve been to at least a dozen rodeos in Oklahoma and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like that.” Heenan: “OF COURSE NOT!” The women hold up the mirrors and we’re officially ready to go. They take their time to start until Perfect hits a nice running knee lift. A shoulder puts Luger down and a running dropkick does it again, meaning it’s time for a breather on the floor.

Back in and Luger slowly hammers away but Perfect takes him down and gets in the Robinsdale Crunch. The leg gets cranked on for a bit but Luger gets up and sends him into the buckle a few times to take over. A backbreaker keeps Perfect down and a cradle with feet on the ropes gets two.

Luger hits a powerslam for two but Perfect’s sunset flip gets the same. Perfect catapults him head first into the buckle and slowly hammers away for two. A not so perfect missile dropkick gives Perfect two and they fight over a backslide, with Perfect’s feet touching the ropes, though the referee doesn’t see it, to give Luger the cheap pin at 10:57.

Rating: C-. Not much to see here, with Perfect being his usual athletic self but Luger was basically in slow motion. The Narcissist stuff never worked and that was on full display again. Perfect was doing his thing and I still really like him as a good guy, but there is only so much you can do with this kind of a situation.

Post match Perfect is furious and Luger knocks him out with the big forearm. This was possibly the long form setup for Perfect screwing Luger over the next year, which is a heck of a story if that is where they were going. Luger leaves so Perfect goes after him, shoving away Shawn Michaels in the process. Michaels jumps Perfect from behind and beats him down, setting up their Summerslam feud.

Heenan laughs about what happened to Perfect, which has Savage on his feet in anger for some reason.

Gorilla Monsoon hypes up the two remaining matches.

Giant Gonzalez vs. Undertaker

Harvey Wippleman and Paul Bearer are here too. If that’s not enough, Undertaker comes to the ring in a funeral chariot with a vulture, because he’s that kind of awesome. They do the big staredown and Undertaker barely comes up to Gonzalez’s nose. Gonzalez shoves him down and chokes away, with Undertaker having to go to the middle rope to choke back. A low blow cuts Undertaker off but he’s right back with Old School.

Gonzalez gets in a beal to send him flying and we hit a standing chinlock. Undertaker finally fights up but gets sent outside so Gonzalez can slowly hammer away. The steps crush Undertaker again but he gets back inside, where a headbutt puts him down again. Undertaker strikes away and goes after Wippleman, who throws in a rag. Gonzalez uses said rag, which is apparently covered in ether, to knock Undertaker out for the DQ at 7:36.

Rating: D-. Oh yeah this was every bit as bad as you could imagine. At the end of the day, Gonzalez could not do anything in the ring to back up his presence. It’s amazing to see someone that size, but it only gets you so far when you can’t do ANYTHING once the bell rings. Throw in a stupid ending to protect Gonzalez and this was an all time terrible Wrestlemania match.

Post match Undertaker is taken out on a stretcher, with Savage implying that undertaker is dead (which….yeah kind of the point). Undertaker leaves so the fans chant for Hogan, which draws Undertaker back out to clear the ring. Cops come out to take Gonzalez away.

We recap Bret Hart defending the WWF Title against Yokozuna, which is all about Yokozuna being a total monster. Yokozuna has crushed a bunch of people with the Banzai Drop, including Hart, who did get up, though that’s not shown here due to reasons. Naturally this means we talk to Hulk Hogan, who has been firing Hart up. You really should be able to see it coming from here. Last night, some people attacked him at the gym but that’s not what matters right now. Hart is a Hulkamaniac but Hogan wants the first shot at either Hart or the (deleted Japanese slur). And that’s that.

Todd Pettingill meets some annoying fans.

WWF Title: Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

Yokozuna, with Mr. Fuji, is challenging. They stare each other down to start until Hart hits a running dropkick. Some right hands in the corner don’t have much impact and Yokozuna runs him over to the floor without much trouble. Hart gets smart by tripping him down and getting the big leg tied in the ropes. Some right hands and a middle rope elbow have Yokozuna in more trouble but he’s able to get out.

One heck of a clothesline puts Hart down, setting up the big legdrop as the pace slows. A nerve hold has Hart down again but he fights up and gets a boot up in the corner. The middle rope bulldog puts Yokozuna down for two but he’s right back with a superkick. The nerve hold goes on again but Hart avoids a splash. The Sharpshooter actually goes on (and it’s not a bad one either), only for Fuji to throw salt in his eyes. Yokozuna gets the pin and the title at 8:57.

Rating: D+. This is a similar story to the Gonzalez match, but Yokozuna is FAR better than Gonzalez could ever hope to be. That being said, Hart was still limited in what he could do, but some of the ways he was outsmarting Yokozuna did work. It’s far from a terrible match, though it’s certainly not worth a look outside of the title change.

Post match Hulk Hogan is IMMEDIATELY out there to check on Hart, prompting Fuji to issue the challenge for a title shot RIGHT NOW in an all time dumb move. Hart gives Hogan his blessing and yes we’re on.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna

Hogan is challenging and gets jumped at the start, so Fuji throws more salt, only to hit Yokozuna. The freedom loving referee is fine with this, allowing Hogan to hit a clothesline and drop the leg to win the title at 22 seconds.

Hogan celebrates to end the show as Heenan is losing his mind.

Overall Rating: D+. Yeah this show deserves a lot of its reputation. There are all kinds of issues here, and one that doesn’t get addressed enough is the Roman Coliseum deal. It feels like some goofy fun idea and that doesn’t mesh with the biggest show of the year. Do this for something like Summerslam, but don’t try to make Wrestlemania into a themed show.

That’s on top of ALL the other problems, including some pretty dreadful matches and almost nothing that feels Wrestlemania worthy. Hogan coming in to steal the title and make Hart the afterthought of afterthoughts didn’t help either. This show somehow lives down to its terrible reputation and even the awesomeness that is the Steiners vs. the Headshrinkers (easily the match of the night) can’t bring it up to even ok.

Ratings Comparison

Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B+
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: B
2025 Redo: B-

Steiner Brothers vs. Headshrinkers

Original: B+
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: A-
2025 Redo: B

Doink the Clown vs. Crush

Original: D
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: D
2025 Redo: C

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

Original: C-
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D
2025 Redo: C-

Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs

Original: C+
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: D
2025 Redo: D+

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C-
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: D+
2025 Redo: C-

Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

Original: F+
2013 Redo: D-
2015 Redo: F
2025 Redo: D-

Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

Original: D+
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: D+
2025 Redo: D+

Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: N/A
2015 Redo: N/A
2025 Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: F+
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D
2025 Redo: D+

It’s interesting that Hart vs. Yokozuna has been the same for all four versions but the show just is not very good.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




March To Wrestlemania IX: One Of The Craziest Things I Have Ever Heard

March To Wrestlemania IX
Date: March 28, 1993
Location: Cumberland County Civic Center, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

The title kind of speaks for itself here, as we have about a week to go before Wrestlemania and this is the big final push towards the biggest event of the year. The WWF did some specials like this back in the 90s and that means we could have an interesting selection of matches on the way to Las Vegas. Let’s get to it.

We look back at the contract signing between Bret Hart and Yokozuna, with Yokozuna crushing Hart, who got up anyway to a big reaction.

Vince and Bobby run down the card in front of a green screen.

Yokozuna vs. Randy Savage

Yokozuna has Mr. Fuji with him. They take their sweet time getting going here with no contact being made in the first two minutes. Savage ducks a few lockups before getting shoved down, leaving him thinking twice about this. Yokozuna hits a running shoulder and sends Savage flying over the top in a big heap. With Vince praising Yokozuna as much as he can, Savage gets knocked down again as the USA chants are on.

Yokozuna keeps hammering away as commentary basically says Bret Hart has no chance at Wrestlemania. Savage gets in some left hands but a single chop puts him back down. The big legdrop crushes Savage but the charge in the corner misses. A top rope ax handle puts Yokozuna on one knee but Fuji shoves Savage off the top. Yokozuna grabs a belly to belly suplex for the pin at 6:37.

Rating: C+. This was designed to set up Yokozuna as the monster who is beating a former WWF Champion and that worked well. Savage’s comeback at the end was only enough to give him a sliver of hope and that’s all it needed to be. Yokozuna is the monster of monsters at this point and it’s clear that the company is entirely behind him, as they should be here.

Post match Yokozuna goes for the Banzai Drop but misses and….leaves. Well that was kind of stupid.

We look at Lex Luger’s debut at the Royal Rumble, with Bobby Heenan’s insanely over the top praise still being hilarious/uncomfortable.

Mr. Perfect vs. Skinner

Skinner jumps him to start as Heenan is VERY happy with the idea of Perfect getting beaten up. Perfect gets tossed over the top and Skinner gets in a bite on the floor. Perfect manages a posting, only for Skinner to get in a belt shot to the throat. A whipping ensues, with the referee having no issue with the foreign object. Vince goes NUTS, screaming that Heenan or Luger paid Skinner off to soften Perfect up before Wrestlemania. You know, because Skinner is a totally clean cut star otherwise.

Perfect’s eyes are raked over the top rope as Vince is AGHAST at this BLATANT RULE BREAKING! Perfect gets in a single shot though and the comeback is on, with the right hands in the corner having Skinner in more trouble. The knee lift lets Perfect choke in the ropes, where Skinner gets in an alligator claw to the face. Not that it matters as Perfect hits the PerfectPlex for the pin at 5:27.

Rating: C+. This was a bit better than I was expecting here, with Skinner beating Perfect up until the comeback came through. It really does amaze me to see how easy Perfect can make things look out there, as it feels like he’s just waiting to turn it on and win in the end. That’s not a level of talent you see very often and it is more impressive every time.

Hulk Hogan is coming back at Wrestlemania. This was some over the top praise.

Kamala vs. Kim Chee

Before the match, Slick thanks the fans for their support for Kamala and promises that he is going to take out Bam Bam Bigelow at Wrestlemania. Not exactly as the match didn’t happen but it’s a nice sentiment. Kim Chee wants Kamala to walk back into the darkness but we cannot let that happen. Can Slick get a witness?

Anyway, Chee gets in Kamala’s face to start and seems to scare him, allowing Chee to hammer away in the corner. A slap to the face wakes Kamala up and he grabs a quickly broken bearhug. Kamala superkicks him down and the big splash, plus some coaching to turn Chee over, is enough for the pin at 2:11. That’s all it should have been.

Post match Kamala knocks him to the floor and steals the pith helmet.

We get a Wrestlemania music video in all of its 1993 glory, with various wrestlers giving some rather generic promos. That being said, this is the old Wrestlemania theme, with the OOOH OOOH, WRESTLEMANIA, PUMP IT UP PUMP IT UP (better known as Linda McMahon’s theme) so I can’t complain much. For some reason Big Boss Man, who wasn’t on Wrestlemania, gets two promos.

Vince and Bobby hype up the Mega Maniacs vs. Money Inc.

We look back at Money Inc. attacking Brutus Beefcake, resulting in the return of Hulk Hogan to set up a match which does not feel important in the slightest despite being the second biggest match on the card. I was a huge Brutus Beefcake fan when I was a kid but this return run never worked. Much like Hogan in the early days of Raw, which never felt right.

Money Inc. vs. Reno Riggins/Jerry Sabin

Non-title and Sabin is better known as the Italian Stallion, right down to his trunks saying ITALY. The beating starts fast with DiBiase taking Sabin to the floor and hammering away. Back in and a double back elbow drops Riggins, followed by a suplex to do it again. IRS drops an elbow and the Million Dollar Dream finishes at 2:54.

Here are the Mega Maniacs (obviously in a different arena) for a chat. Hogan talks about Money Inc. hitting Beefcake in the face with the metal briefcase and he knew it was bad. He chilled, he goosebumped and he sweated from head to toe. It was so bad that he ran to the garage and got on Brutus’ motorcycle (which just happened to be there) so he could ride to Venice Beach and bury his ear in the sand. He heard (in the sand) millions of Hulkamaniacs praying for Beefcake.

Then he rode the motorcycle for seven days to New York City, where he went to the Ramada Inn and found Beefcake watching the Three Stooges with an ice pack on his nose. Beefcake talks about going to Florida with Hogan, where they dropped rockets (yes rockets) on his new metal mask and there wasn’t a scratch on it. If Hogan did one more pushup, those Pythons would explode.

Jimmy Hart recommends not investing money in Money Inc., whereas the Mega Maniacs will have new t-shirts, Nintendo games and posters. When they win the Tag Team Titles, their stock will go through the roof. Hogan says Beefcake is mad, with Beefcake saying he spent two days running up and down the aisles at K-Mart to find hair tonic. Then he went to the desert around Las Vegas, where he chopped down some cactuses (should be cacti) and mountains (no word on if it was with the edge of his hand), where he decided he’ll take Money Inc.’s hair out of their heads with his bare hands.

Hogan says he went fishing with his bare hands and caught some sharks, but they weren’t for eating. Instead, he’s filled the pool at Caesar’s Palace with salt water for the hammerhead sharks (and some mermaids). Beefcake is going to help Hogan open the sharks’ mouths so they can wrap the Tag Team Titles around their teeth.

That way, when they throw the bathing beauties and Hulkamaniacs in the pool (with the sharks), the sharks can’t hurt a hair on their chinny chin chins (of the bathing beauties you see). Hogan has two cases of suntan lotion and he wants all the female Hulkamaniacs to have an even tan from head to toe. Catchphrase and posing ensues. If you haven’t seen this promo, go find it somewhere, as the Ultimate Warrior would have thought this was totally insane. And then it just KEPT GOING as they talk for the better part of ten minutes.

We look at Tatanka pinning Shawn Michaels a few times, earning an Intercontinental Title shot at Wrestlemania.

Michaels is ready to play Tatanka like people get played in the Las Vegas casinos.

Tatanka vs. George South

Tatanka takes him down without much trouble as Heenan is insisting that Shawn Michaels is NOT in jeopardy. All this does is make me wonder how Heenan would have done as Shawn’s manager. Tatanka takes him into the corner but South gets in a few shots of his own. A ram into the buckle sends Tatanka onto the war path as Heenan rants about how he DOES NOT CARE about Sherri being at Wrestlemania. Some chops set up the Papoose To Go to finish South at 2:29.

Post match Michaels comes out to gloat so Tatanka wants to fight. Nah.

It’s time for the Wrestlemania Control Center with Gene Okerlund, who feels out of place in the WWF in 1993. He hypes up the toga party (because that really was a selling point) and the double main event, with Bret Hart being tired of hearing that he has no chance. Yokozuna could lose a lot more than face at Wrestlemania.

Crush is on a boat in Hawaii and, in a rather odd accent, promises revenge on Doink at Wrestlemania. Then he dives into the water and gets some octopuses.

The Steiners are ready to beat up the Headshrinkers.

Beverly Brothers/Little Louie vs. Bushwhackers/Tiger Jackson

Jackson would go on to become Dink The Clown. After some stalling, Beau punches Luke down to start as Heenan wants to say something important. Vince asks for a drum roll before Heenan insists he will NOT be wearing a toga. Heenan: “Imagine Gorilla Monsoon in a toga. It’ll look like an unmade bed.” We get a four person bite chain until Luke threatens to beat up Louie. Instead Jackson dances and hits Louie with a dropkick.

A splash gets two, with Louie’s kickout sending Jackson into the referee’s arm. Said referee throws Jackson back onto Louie for two before they do the sequence all over again. Louie gets in a shot of his own and Butch comes in to yell at Blake but not actually hit him. Blake gets in a cheap shot and hammers away as we get a rare BUTCH chant. Butch works on the arm and we get a chase from Louie and Jackson.

Beau comes in off the top with an ax handle to take over on Luke and we get some assisted choking on the ropes. Another top rope ax handle connects and Louie gets in a slap from the apron. Luke gets over and brings in Butch to clean house, which isn’t exactly hard on the Beverly Brothers. Everything breaks down and Jackson hits a high crossbody for the pin on Louie at 9:57. Heenan: “I didn’t understand anything I just saw.”

Rating: D. What in the world was the point of that? None of these people are on Wrestlemania and they get almost ten minutes, or longer than any other match on the show. That’s such a weird way to go and it was nothing that you wouldn’t see on a house show. It felt like they had nothing else to use on the show and picked a random comedy match.

We look at Giant Gonzalez debuting and taking out the Undertaker.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Undertaker

Paul Bearer is here of course. Bigelow slugs away to start but Undertaker drop toeholds him down. The chase is on with Bigelow getting in a shot, only to get caught with a running DDT. Old School connects but Bigelow knocks him down again as we take a break. Back with Bigelow hammering away on the floor, giving us Undertaker’s stagger sell. A hard whip sends Undertaker knees first into the steps but he gets up.

Back in and a slam has Undertaker sitting up again, with Heenan wanting Giant Gonzalez to come out here and take care of Undertaker. Some elbows make Undertaker sit up again and Bigelow misses the top rope headbutt. The comeback is on with a chokeslam sending Bigelow outside and he walks out for the countout at 7:40.

Rating: C+. This could have been a lot worse as they had a story here with Bigelow’s big man offense not being able to keep him down. It gave you just enough drama about whether or not Bigelow could stop him before walking out. Not a great match, but it made me want to see them doing something else.

Post match Giant Gonzalez comes out for the staredown, with Undertaker slowly going towards him. Referees break it up.

Vince and Bobby (who insists he does NOT have a tail) give us a quick final Wrestlemania preview to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. There’s a reason Wrestlemania IX is so poorly remembered and a two hour preview for the show isn’t the best thing to see. This was a way to get people hyped up for the show, but then you realize just what you’re getting into. Throw in the completely out there mixed tag and the all time weird Mega Maniacs promo and this didn’t work. The decent wrestling you get is nothing worth seeing and the whole thing is kind of a mess as a result.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XXVI (2024 Edition): It’s Better Than I Remember

Wrestlemania XXVI
Date: March 28, 2010
Location: University of Phoenix Stadium, Glendale, Arizona
Attendance: 72,219
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker
America The Beautiful: Fantasia

So last year at Wrestlemania XXV, Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker had one of the best matches ever. That means it’s time for a rematch, with Michaels career on the line. That is more than big enough for a special match, to the point where it makes John Cena vs. Batista for the WWE Title feel that less important. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Mark Henry, Shad Gaspard, JTG, Goldust, Yoshi Tatsu, Santino Marella, Primo, Kung Fu Naki, Slam Master J., Jimmy Wang Yang, Chris Masters, Vladimir Kozlov, Great Khali, Finlay, William Regal, Luke Gallows, Carlito, Tyler Reks, Zack Ryder, Lance Archer, Mike Knox, Caylen Croft, Trent Beretta, Tyson Kidd, David Hart-Smith, Chavo Guerrero

Prime is out within seconds, followed by Beretta and Croft at the same time. Henry launches Chavo out but then gets tossed by Khali. A bunch of people get together to toss Khali before Cryme Tyme gets rid of Gallows. Then Shad tosses JTG because that’s how battle royals work. Regal and Finlay slug it out for old times’ sake before everyone breaks off for fights of their own.

Masters keeps putting people in the Masterlock and is eliminated for not being that bright. Kozlov eliminates Kidd and Hart-Smith before being tossed out as well. Funaki, Goldust, Regal and Shad are out in a row, with Reks following them. Santino starts using the Cobra and thankfully is tossed out by Finlay.

Archer gets rid of Yang and is quickly dropkicked out by Tatsu (Striker continues to try and get “The Poison Fist Of The Pacific Rim” over as a nickname for Tatsu. This is because Striker is really annoying.). Knox gets to clean house for a bit but cue Hornswoggle for a distraction, allowing Finlay to get in a shillelagh shot. The Tadpole Splash hits Knox and Finlay tosses Carlito. Ryder eliminates Finlay and Knox at the same time, leaving Tatsu to kick Ryder out at 8:43.

Rating: C. It’s a battle royal to get a bunch of people on the show. They didn’t waste time here and it gave the fans something to see during the pre-show, which is about all you can ask for here. Tatsu was someone who seemed like he was ready to move forward more than once but it just never came together. It’s not like this was some big win but he was as good of a winner as you could have had.

Fantasia sings America The Beautiful. Not well but she does sing it.

The opening video talks about what it means to be at Wrestlemania and how important it is to be here. This is the big chance and the stars will seize it.

The set has something of an ancient pyramid theme with another over the ring, both of which look cool. If nothing else, I’ve always liked I Made It.

Tag Team Titles: ShoMiz vs. R-Truth/John Morrison

ShoMiz is defending and there isn’t much of a story here, save for Truth and Morrison winning a triple threat match to get the title shot. Miz and Morrison start things off with Morrison getting the better of things. Truth comes in with a top rope legdrop for two into a WHAT’S UP. It’s off to Show, who sends Truth flying with a fall away slam. What looks to be a Vader Bomb is broken up via a Morrison kick to the head, followed by Morrison’s knee to Miz’s head. Show breaks up Starship Pain though, leaving Truth’s dive to Show to fail miserably. Back in and Show KO Punches Morrison for the pin to retain at 3:25.

Rating: C-. Not much to this one and it really would have been better off as a pre-show match. They didn’t even get four minutes and there is only so much you can do with the amount of time you might get on a regular TV show. ShoMiz was a fairly forgettable team and while it was nice to have the titles on the card, it’s not like this was anything remotely memorable.

Video on Wrestlemania Week, which always looks cool.

Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Cody Rhodes

Legacy implodes as Orton has had it with the two of them screwing up and turned on them, setting up this for some revenge. DiBiase and Rhodes go after him to start and it doesn’t go well early on. Orton gets smart by dividing and conquering but walks into a dropkick from DiBiase. The double teaming is on with both of them taking turns to punch Orton while the other holds him back. There’s a double suplex to put Orton down but he fights out of the corner (the fans approve).

The comeback doesn’t last long though as DiBiase hits a clothesline, setting up a High/Low to put Orton down again. Rhodes snaps off an Alabama Slam for two and the save from DiBiase means it’s time for the young hooligans to fight. Orton fights up and sends DiBiase to the floor, followed by a snap powerslam back inside. There’s the backbreaker to Rhodes but DiBiase pulls Orton outside. Rhodes’ dive only hits DiBiase so Orton hits the double hanging DDT. With DiBiase down on the floor, Orton Punts Rhodes and then RKO’s an invading DiBiase for the pin at 9:02.

Rating: C+. There wasn’t much in the way of drama here once DiBiase and Rhodes got in their offense. Orton looked like he was toying with them at the end, which was part of the reason why he was turning into a popular star all over again. This was about Orton smashing through his former lackeys and showing them who the real star was, which he did in quite the destruction by the end.

Vickie Guerrero and company are ready for their ten woman tag. Jillian Hall comes in for a song and whole thing turns into a Slim Jim commercial, with Santino Marella having a bite to change Jillian. First she’s Mae Young, then Gene Okerlund (yes in the same dress) and finally Melina. Wacky….I guess you could call it fun? This isn’t on the Network due to the music.

Money In The Bank

Christian, Dolph Ziggler, Drew McIntyre, Jack Swagger, Evan Bourne, Kane, Kofi Kingston, Matt Hardy, MVP, Shelton Benjamin

This is the last Wrestlemania MITB match before it would go on to get its own show this same year. It’s the usual melee to start with almost everyone going outside. The first ladder is sent inside about thirty seconds in but a bunch of people stop to go after McIntyre rather than climbing. Almost everyone tries to go up but gets stopped, with Kane chokeslamming Bourne over the top for a crash onto more people.

Swagger and Hardy get trapped behind a ladder in the corner and Christian monkey flips Kingston into the ladder onto them. Ziggler breaks it up and makes the climb but MVP pulls him right back down. Kingston hammers on Kane in the corner, earning himself a powerbomb onto a ladder. Benjamin goes up this time so it’s Swagger spearing him with another ladder to break it up.

Swagger gets caught under a ladder so Hardy and Christian hit him with a ladder each. One of the ladders is bridged into another, with Bourne kicking Christian off the bridged version. Air Bourne hits Christian and Bourne goes up, only to be cut off by Hardy. Swagger cuts Hardy off though and shoves him onto the bridged ladder for the huge crash. Shelton and MVP go up but come crashing down, leaving everyone on the floor for a bit.

Kane goes up but has to cut off Ziggler, including a chokeslam onto the ladder. With Kane distracted, Kofi comes back in to kick him in the head but the only ladder available is broken. Kofi gets crazy creative by using the pieces like stilts and jumping up the rungs, only to have McIntyre make the save.

McIntyre goes up but Hardy shoves the ladder over for the big crotching on top. It’s Matt going up this time until Christian is there as well but they both have to knock Kane down. That’s not enough for Christian, who hits the reverse DDT off the ladder to plant Matt again. Christian goes up again, only to have Swagger make the save and pull the case down for the win at 13:29.

Rating: B-. It was a wild match as usual but there is only so much you can do with ten people in a match trying to get in as much time as possible. The stilts spot was very unique and stood out more than anything else, though the rest was little more than the usual big spots and crashes. Swagger winning is a surprise, but WWE was trying something new and that’s often a good idea.

We look back at last night’s Hall Of Fame ceremony.

The Class of 2010 is introduced:

Stu Hart (represented by eight relatives)
Wendi Richter (seems very happy to be there)
Mad Dog Vachon (sadly in a wheelchair)
Antonio Inoki (not the strongest reaction)
Bob Uecker (nice reception)
Gorgeous George (represented by his former wife)
Ted DiBiase (by far the strongest reaction)

Sweet goodness that Hall of Fame theme is always awesome.

We recap HHH vs. Sheamus. After debuting on Raw and winning the WWE Title within a few weeks, Sheamus was knocked out of the Elimination Chamber by HHH, costing him the title. Sheamus then went on to talk about how much he loved watching HHH while growing up. Then Sheamus laid him out, which HHH liked because it’s what he did when he went after the Ultimate Warrior in 1996 (and yes they explained how badly it went). That plus a need for revenge makes for a Wrestlemania match.

HHH vs. Sheamus

HHH’s entrance goes on for a good while, as you might have expected. Sheamus drives him into the corner to start but HHH hits him in the face. It’s way too early for the Pedigree though as Sheamus bails out to the floor. Back in and a suplex drops Sheamus again, setting up the knee drop for one.

HHH goes old school (shocking I know) as we hit the Figure Four, with Sheamus going straight to the ropes. The fight goes outside with HHH being whipped into the steps, followed by the (yet to be named) Irish Curse back inside. An ax handle to the head cuts HHH off again and Sheamus grabs the armbar.

We’ll make that a chinlock but HHH suplexes his way to freedom, sending Striker into a FAR too long….whatever you call what he does. HHH grabs a DDT and they’re both down, followed by the expected slugout. There’s the running knee into the facebuster for two and a neckbreaker drops Sheamus for the same.

The yet to be named Brogue Kick misses so HHH tries the Pedigree, only to be reversed into the Brogue Kick for two. The fans are rather behind HHH, who fights out of the High Cross (Razor’s Edge) and gets two more off a spinebuster. Sheamus rolls out to the apron and manages another Brogue Kick…but takes too long and gets Pedigreed out of nowhere for the pin at 11:47.

Rating: B-. This is the type of match that will work almost every single time as you had two big strong guys beating the fire out of each other until the ending. That’s the kind of brawl that both of them know how to do (though Sheamus would get WAY better later on) and it worked here. That being said, Sheamus is the up and comer and loses to HHH, which seems to be a bit counterproductive, but this would hardly be the first time that happened.

We recap CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio. After Mysterio cost Punk a spot in Money In The Bank, Punk scared the heck out of Mysterio’s daughter Aliyah. They then traded various attacks before Punk creepily sang Happy Birthday to Aliyah, which was too far. Now it’s time for their fight, with Mysterio having to join the Straight Edge Society if he loses.

CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Punk has the Straight Edge Society (Luke Gallows and Serena) with him and talks about how these 70,000 people here are going to drink or try pills to make their problems go away. He can be their savior and lead them to a better place because he chooses to be drug free and better than everyone here. Mysterio is one of the Na’vi from Avatar, which isn’t quite the same as the superhero gear he tends to use.

Gallows offers an early distraction and Punk gets to stomp away in the corner before tying Mysterio in the Tree of Woe. A missed charge results in a crotching against the post though and they head to the floor…where Punk drops him face first onto the steps. Back in and Punk hammers away for two and we’re already in the chinlock. Mysterio fights out like he’s a top star who was in a chinlock and hits the springboard seated senton.

Punk snaps off a powerslam for two before hitting one heck of a kick to the head for the same. Four more near falls have Punk rather frustrated until Mysterio is up with a springboard moonsault DDT for two of his own. Mysterio’s frog splash misses to give Punk two more, meaning it’s time for even more frustration. Back up and Mysterio loads him up for the 619 but has to take out the Society. Not that it matters as the 619 into the springboard splash finishes Punk at 6:30.

Rating: C+. Another match that was good but they didn’t have the time to do very much. It had the stakes and they work well together, but there is only so much they can do when they have less than seven minutes. It makes perfect sense to have the loudmouth holier than thou heel get what’s coming to him and who better to do that than one of the resident superheroes?

We recap Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon. Hart returned after thirteen years of bitterness after the Montreal Screwjob and of course Vince McMahon couldn’t let it to. Hart wanted to fight Vince at Wrestlemania but got turned down, only to have his leg broken in a car wreck in the parking lot. Then Vince agreed to fight him….and then Hart revealed he was gold bricking, because that’s just what Hart does.

Vince McMahon vs. Bret Hart

No Holds Barred. Hold on though as Vince grabs a mic and says he’s hired a bunch of lumberjacks, in the form of various members of the Hart Family. As a bonus, Bret’s brother Bruce can be guest referee! Bret isn’t overly shocked and says what’s done is done. If there is one thing about the Harts though, it’s that they got paid up front and the money is already in the bank.

If there is one thing he’s learned from the Montreal Screwjob, it’s there’s nothing better than a good double cross. The Harts, including Bret, are united, and tonight is the night that Bret screws Vince. The bell rings and Bret punches him down and chokes in the corner, with Vince bailing to the floor. That means the Harts can make it even worse, including a slap from Natalya (Striker: “Best luck in your future endeavors Natalya.”).

The Hart Dynasty hits a top rope Hart Attack to the floor and it’s time to throw Vince back inside. Bret works on the leg, which sends Vince outside again. This time he comes back in with tire iron but Bret knocks it away again and takes it away. Bret hammers away with the tire iron…and then does it some more…and more, to the point where unless Bret has the strength of a two year old, Vince should be in a coma.

The Sharpshooter is teased but Bret lets it go so he can use the tire iron again. Some low blows have Vince down again and let’s get a chair in there too. Bret sits down and then hits some hard chair shots to Vince’s back. The chair is bent up so Bret finally (and I do mean finally) grabs the Sharpshooter for the win at 11:08.

Rating: C. Ok so I’ve called this an A+ before because I love what they did with Vince being absolutely destroyed and not getting in a single bit of offense. This was never supposed to be anything but a massacre until the Sharpshooter…but my goodness how long did they go with the tire iron/chair shots? The thing here is that this is really only a match in name only so I’m not going to call it bad, but Bret couldn’t have mixed it up with some different stuff other than hitting him over and over with the same stuff?

A big Hart celebration ensues.

Wrestlemania XXVII is coming to Atlanta, Georgia.

Official attendance: 72,219.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Edge for the Smackdown World Title. They were partners last year but Edge tore his Achilles. Edge came back at the Royal Rumble (at #29 in a great surprise) and won, setting up his title shot here. For some reason the build for this match involved Edge saying “spear” over and over until it lost all meaning.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is defending. They start slowly with Jericho grabbing a headlock (Jericho: “Ask him!”) but Edge is right back with some running shoulders. Jericho is back with some stompings in the corner before sending Edge outside. That’s good for a long count before Edge comes back in and gets chinlocked. Jericho slowly stomps and slaps away, which takes long enough that Edge manages to send him shoulder first into the post.

A running shoulder sends Jericho into the announcers’ table and there’s a clothesline off the apron. They head back inside and hopefully pick up the energy a bit here. Back in and Edge gets two off a super gordbuster, followed by a middle rope sunset flip for the same. Jericho goes simple by kicking him in the head but the Codebreaker is blocked. The spear is countered into a quick Walls but Edge slips out.

The Lionsault misses and Edge is right back up with the Edge O Matic for two. Jericho’s enziguri gets two more but so does the Impaler as things slow back down a bit. Jericho mixes things up a bit with a middle rope forearm to the back of the head (Edge was nice enough to look over his shoulder before Jericho jumped), only to have his own spear cut off by a big boot.

The real spear is countered into a Codebreaker for a rather delayed two. Jericho starts going after the ankle before switching to the Walls. We’ll make that a half Walls to stay on the bad ankle but the rope is grabbed. Edge’s rollup for two is also grabbed and they crash out to the floor for a breather. The frustrated Jericho grabs the belt and the referee gets distracted, allowing Jericho’s belt shot to get two. The Codebreaker to a limping Edge retains the title at 15:47.

Rating: B. This was good but it never hit that next level and it made things kind of disappointing. Edge only teased the spear once and never got a big near fall. I was expecting something a lot more epic than we got here and that just didn’t happen. There were some shenanigans due to the belt shot but this needed to be more intense and violent given what Edge was saying coming in.

Post match Jericho goes after Edge again but Edge hits a spear off the announcers’ table and through the barricade as the feud must continue.

We look at the pre-show battle royal.

Alicia Fox/Laycool/Maryse/Vickie Guerrero vs. Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres/Gail Kim/Kelly Kelly/Mickie James

Get the women on the show special. Vickie bumps Gail to start and turns around to pose, only to run into Phoenix. The non-Vickie team takes turns beating on Vickie in the corner, who asks if Kelly knows who she is. That earns Vickie a kick to the ribs with McCool making the save. Everything breaks down and we hit the parade of finishers, leaving Vickie crying in the corner as Beth comes up behind her. McCool makes another save and the Hog Splash (Cole’s name) finishes Kelly at 3:29.

Rating: D. Oh what else were you expecting here? A bunch of the people barely did anything, there were a bunch of Vickie fat jokes, Lawler drooled over most of them and Striker continues to try to make everything sound like the most important moment ever because it gets people paying attention to him. Terrible match and little more than a way for Vickie to keep her heat.

We recap John Cena challenging Batista for the Raw World Title. Cena got the title back in the Elimination Chamber but Vince McMahon allowed Batista an immediate title shot. Now it’s time for the fair rematch, with Batista talking about being tired of Cena being the star when they got big at the same time. You can pretty much ignore all of those details though and just go with “It’s John Cena vs. Batista for the WWE Title at Wrestlemania.”

Raw World Title: Batista vs. John Cena

Batista is defending and Cena’s big entrance is from the United States Air Force Honor Guard Drill Team. We get the Big Match Intros before they fight over a lockup. Batista grabs a headlock before running Cena over, only to have Cena come back with a headlock of his own. That’s broken up and Batista sends him hard into the corner for the running clothesline to the back of the head.

Some cranking on the neck has Cena down but he manages a release suplex (that didn’t look great) and the bulldog connects for two. It’s way too early for the AA though as Batista reverses into a DDT for two of his own. A chinlock with a bodyscissors keeps Cena down for a bit, only to have him power up and start slugging away. Batista sticks with what has been working by grabbing a neckbreaker for two more.

The front chancery keeps Cena in trouble until he powers up again. The STF goes on out of nowhere but Batista grabs the rope like a bad villain should. Batista is fine enough to hit a spear for two before loading Cena up top. The superplex attempt is blocked and Cena hits a super Five Knuckle Shuffle of all things.

Batista gets back up and hits his namesake Bomb for two, giving us a great shocked face. Back up Cena counters another Batista Bomb into the AA (toss variation) for two, leaving them both down. Cena goes up but dives into a spinebuster (how Batista injured Cena’s neck a few years ago), only to have the Batista Bomb reversed into the STF (with Cena giving him a LONG talk) for the tap at 13:29.

Rating: B. It’s good and they were getting to the big stuff but I was expecting longer than just shy of fourteen minutes. Cena getting the title back is the right way to go for him though as he can put someone else over rather soon. Batista was not quite what he used to be but these two instantly make for an epic feel. Not a classic match, though they didn’t do anything wrong with the setup and finish going rather well.

Cena poses with a guy in a WE HATE CENA shirt for a funny moment.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker. Shawn lost to him the previous year before, leaving Shawn obsessed with having to get the win. It is so big that Shawn is willing to put his career on the line against the Streak, saying he doesn’t have a career if he can’t beat the Undertaker. Not that it matters as this feels absolutely huge and you know it’s going to go well.

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

No DQ. The entrances are absolutely epic and you know that you’re about to see something special. They also take their sweet time getting to the ring and it builds up even more, with Shawn staring at Undertaker the entire way to the ring. Undertaker charges at him to start but Shawn is right there with the chops. Shawn gets flipped into the corner, setting up Snake Eyes into the big boot.

Old School connects but Undertaker comes up limping a bit. The chokeslam is loaded up but the knee gives out, with Shawn wisely kicking away at the leg. The Tombstone is broken up as well so Shawn starts in on the shoulder, which is a bit of an odd choice given UNDERTAKER IS LIMPING.

Undertaker slips out but has to block a quick superkick attempt as things reset a bit. The logic kicks in as Shawn starts going after the knee in the corner but Undertaker clotheslines him to the floor. The Taker Dive is loaded up but Shawn comes back in to take out the knee in a rather smart move. It’s too early for the Figure Four and they head outside, where Shawn is rammed back first into the post. The apron legdrop connects but Shawn goes after the leg again to take over.

Now the Figure Four goes on until Undertaker sits up. Shawn: “No.” And Undertaker goes back down. Well that was polite of him. Undertaker turns it over so Shawn wisely lets go and they take a breather. Back up and they strike it out until Undertaker grabs a quick chokeslam for two. The Tombstone is escaped again though and Shawn grabs the ankle lock, complete with a grapevine.

Undertaker finally uses the good leg to kick his way to freedom so Shawn sends him outside. A springboard spinning crossbody is pulled out of the air so Undertaker hit the Tombstone on the floor to knock Shawn silly. Medics come out to check on Shawn but Undertaker isn’t having that and throws him back inside for two, meaning frustration is setting in. This might have more of an impact if MATT STRIKER WOULD SHUT UP for once, but instead he needs to keep shouting what he thinks sound like highlight reel worthy lines.

The Last Ride is loaded up but Undertaker’s knee gives out and they crash down, with Shawn getting two off a faceplant. Shawn’s top rope elbow only hits raised knees, which have Undertaker in even more pain. Hell’s Gate goes on but Shawn flips over into a rollup for two. Shawn hits a quick Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere for two but another attempt is countered into a heck of a Last Ride for two more.

They go outside and it’s time to load up the announcers’ table. That takes too long though and it’s a superkick to knock Undertaker onto the table instead. In something that couldn’t possibly go wrong, Shawn goes up and moonsaults down onto Undertaker, mostly hitting his feet/lower legs, which does tie into everything so far. Shawn realizes he has a chance and throws Undertaker inside and hits a clean Sweet Chin Music (that has to be the fourth or fifth) for two, with Cole telegraphing the kickout by screaming that Streak was over.

Another superkick is countered into a chokeslam but Undertaker can barely move, let alone cover. Instead it’s a Tombstone (with tongue) for two and we get another stunned face. Shawn can’t get up so Undertaker loads up the throat slit….but stops. Undertaker tells him to stay down as Shawn pulls himself up and then slaps Undertaker in the face, admitting that he can’t do it and basically telling Undertaker to finish him off. The jumping Tombstone does just that at 24:00.

Rating: A+. What do you want me to say here? This is an absolute masterpiece and one of the best matches either of them have ever had if not their best ever. The leg stuff played a role throughout until Shawn gave it everything he had but just couldn’t do it in the end. It told an amazing story with some great action, including multiple near falls where you could buy it being over. It’s better than I remember it being and one of the best main events in Wrestlemania history.

Undertaker needs the ropes to get to his feet and Shawn finally gets up. Undertaker says something to him we can’t see and they hug before Undertaker leaves him alone in the ring. Shawn gets to soak in the THANK YOU SHAWN chants before doing the long walk up the ramp. Shawn: “I’m gonna drive my kids crazy in three weeks!” He looks back again and walks off to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a weird show as there isn’t much that is Wrestlemania worthy. Edge vs. Jericho is just good, Money in the Bank is its usual ok self, HHH vs. Sheamus is a slightly above average power brawl and Batista vs. Cena wasn’t even fifteen minutes long. Those are the high points though, as the rest of the show is pretty much mediocre/forgettable to bad. That doesn’t make for a great Wrestlemania, but this show is usually pretty well remembered.

That’s because of the main event and my goodness does it deserve the praise it receives. I’ve seen it a few times now and it pulled me in again with how epic of a showdown they were having here. It felt like a Wrestlemania main event match and you do not get those very often. That match alone makes this Wrestlemania worth seeing, though I would definitely recommend fast forwarding a good bit of the midcard, as it was quite the miss in multiple places.

Ratings Comparison

Battle Royal

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: N/A
2015 Redo: D+
2024 Redo: C

Awesome Truth vs. ShoMiz

Original: D
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: D
2024 Redo: C-

Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Cody Rhodes

Original: D+
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: C
2024 Redo: C+

Christian vs. Matt Hardy vs. Kane vs. Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. MVP vs. Evan Bourne

Original: B
2013 Redo: C+
2015 Redo: C+
2024 Redo: B-

HHH vs. Sheamus

Original: B-
2013 Redo: C+
2015 Redo: C+
2024 Redo: B-

CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: B-
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: C
2024 Redo: C+

Mr. McMahon vs. Bret Hart

Original: A+
2013 Redo: A+
2015 Redo: A
2024 Redo: C

Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Original: A-
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: B-
2024 Redo: B

Beth Phoenix/Kevin Kelly/Mickie James/Gail Kim/Eve Torres vs. Vickie Guerrero/Alicia Fox/Laycool/Maryse

Original: F
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D
2024 Redo: D

John Cena vs. Batista

Original: A
2013 Redo: B+
2015 Redo: B+
2024 Redo: B

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+
2013 Redo: A+
2015 Redo: A
2024 Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: A
2013 Redo: B+
2015 Redo: A-
2024 Redo: B-

That’s quite a drop for the overall rating but some of the lower matches just don’t hold up as well.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.




Terry Funk Mixtape: Dang He Was Good

Terry Funk Mixtape
Date: 2025
Commentators: Jim Ross, Gordon Solie, Lance Russell, Gorilla Monsoon, Lord Alfred Hayes, Verne Gagne, Jim Cornette, Bob Caudle, Terry Funk, Joey Styles, Steve Austin, Bobby Heenan

So this is something that the WWE Vault did last year with Randy Savage and now we’re seeing another version of the same thing with another incredibly talented star. Terry Funk is one of the most well rounded stars in wrestling history and it should be interesting to look back over his career. Let’s get to it.

We open with Terry Funk talking about having a dream where he was on the front porch of the Double Cross Ranch. He was sitting on a swing with his dad when a black limousine came up. A beautiful woman came and said she had run over an ugly animal with big teeth and ears and it smelled bad. Funk’s dad thought it was a jackass but the woman said it smelled like hairspray and cheap cologne. Terry knew that it wasn’t a jackass, but rather Ric Flair! The reality is Flair needs to give up the World Title or Terry will hurt him again.

We get a quick look at Terry dealing with a horse with some intestinal issues.

From Clash Of The Champions IX.

Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk

Flair’s NWA World Title isn’t on the line but he’s giving is up if he loses. Funk, with Gary Hart, is out for more pain after injuring Flair’s neck and possibly ending his career. Before the bell, Funk gives Flair a chance to give up in advance but the bell rings anyway. Flair wastes no time in chopping him out to the floor, with Solie thinking Funk is close to being irrational. How could you tell the difference?

Back in and Flair chops away even more and it’s time to head outside again. Funk gets back in and they trade chokes until Funk can stomp away on the apron. Flair’s chops don’t have much effect as he’s tossed outside, with JR being right there to remind us of the rules every few seconds. Funk hammers away in the aisle and hits him with the microphone before going back inside.

More left hands in the corner let Funk ask Flair if he wants to quit for the first time (“YOU PIG! YOU EGG SUCKING DOG! SAY IT! I SAID SAY IT!”) but Flair isn’t done yet. An atomic drop gets Flair out of trouble but Funk is back with a swinging neckbreaker. Ever the crazy man, Funk slaps him in the face so Flair grabs him by the throat and hits some chops to the floor. Flair chops the fire out of him and takes it back inside but Funk still won’t say it.

A Hart distraction lets Funk get in a cheap shot and there’s another swinging neckbreaker to put Flair down again. Funk asks if Flair wants to quit before he hurts him again but the threat of a piledriver isn’t enough to make him give up. The piledriver still isn’t enough so Funk piledrives him on the floor for a bonus. Flair still won’t quit but Funk takes too long setting up a table.

Flair uses the breather to send him head first into the bottom of the table a few times before going back inside to drop the knee. It’s time to start going after the leg before Flair hits/chops away, with Funk naturally doing the outstanding selling that only he could do. Funk tries to bail up the aisle so Flair chases him down and jumps on his back, setting up a shinbreaker.

A suplex brings Funk back inside but he goes to the eyes to block the Figure Four. Flair suplexes him over the top and onto the apron (that was a bigger deal back then), with the leg getting rammed into the apron again. NOW the Figure Four can go on and Funk says he’ll never give up. Then he quits to retain Flair’s title at 18:48.

Rating: A-. Yeah it’s still great as this felt like it was all about the hatred between two guys who wanted to destroy each other. Flair proved that he was the better man in the end and that Funk couldn’t back up his words, which fits both of them rather well. They beat the living fire out of each other and I love that they kept it more simple with the weapons, as a modern version would have been insane. Great match here though, as it was all about the two of them telling a story as only they could.

Post match Funk shakes Flair’s hand, much to Hart’s annoyance.

We see Funk dealing with the horse again. I think this is our official transition shot. Eh it kind of fits.

From Shotgun Saturday Night, January 18, 1997.

Terry Funk is brought in as a surprise for the crowd, but Steve Austin (on commentary) isn’t happy. Funk: “This is my state (Austin: “Wrong.”). This is my town (Austin: “Wrong.”). I’m in the heart of Texas (Austin: “Wrong.”).” Funk talks about how great he is, saying he’s tougher than a rattlesnake and wants to know what number he’s going to be in the Royal Rumble. He wants to be out there at the beginning because George Bush has designated him as the official Texas representative.

Funk wants to start the Rumble RIGHT NOW with Todd Pettingill but then demands better competition. He says there is no one in the WWF or in the WCW to come after him and wants to know where that “Yankee bas****” Vince McMahon is. Funk sees Austin and goes over the barricade to get to him, even offering to lay on the ground for him. Funk walks back to the ring but Austin follows him and gets inside too. They go face to face and Funk slaps him in the face, which is enough for the fight to be on. Funk is knocked out to the floor and the fans go NUTS.

This was totally unhinged Funk and they edited out some of the comments, including Funk calling Pettingill’s mother a who** and JR an “Okie a******”. Bruce Pritchard has claimed that this got the show thrown off some of its networks and it likely led to it being heavily toned down. Either way, it was absolutely awesome to see Funk losing his mind like this and you know Austin was having a great time with the whole thing.

From later in the show, Funk comes after Austin after a match and a huge brawl breaks out with about ten people getting in the ring while Funk and Austin brawl into the crowd. Funk is sent into a beer tub. More awesome stuff.

From Memphis, Tennessee, April 6, 1981.

Jerry Lawler vs. Terry Funk

Here’s another legendary one as it’s the Empty Arena match at the Mid-South Coliseum. Funk arrives before Lawler and asks broadcaster Lance Russell where Lawler is. Russell also tells Funk to watch his language, which is your weekly definition of a lost cause. Funk demands to know where Lawler is and starts to count him out, getting to ten (rather fast) before going on another rant about how he’s stuck standing around like a fool. He came all the way from Amarillo, Texas and thinks he could have a practice fight with Russell.

Lawler (yes with the crown and cape) finally arrives and Funk is STILL going on about how much he hates Lawler and can’t believe Lawler actually showed up. Funk assures him that there is no Jimmy Hart and no one in the stands to help him so Lawler slowly gets inside as Funk keeps talking, this time offering Lawler one more chance to leave. Funk: “Don’t worry. I don’t need to talk. I’m not the one running my mouth.”

They kind of lock up and fight against the ropes until Funk bails out to the floor. He gets back in and they brawl some more with Funk going outside again. This time Lawler throws him into some empty chairs, which Funk throws back for a miss. Then Funk is thrown over more chairs, because there are a lot of them to use here. Funk starts wandering through the chairs and tells Lawler to leave him alone before grabbing one of the section signs.

Lawler is smart enough to get back in the ring, only for Funk to hit him in the head anyway. Well that didn’t work. They go outside again and Funk hits a piledriver, demanding that Funk say he quits. Lawler is sent into the chairs this time before finding a spike. Rather than stab him, Funk sends him into the timekeeper’s table over and over, with Funk’s high pitched voice being almost creepy as he keeps screaming at Lawler.

They get back inside where Funk tries to stab Lawler’s eye with the spike. Lawler fights out and hits an elbow to the face, allowing him to kick the spike into Funk’s eye. Funk: “MY EYE! MY EYE! DOCTOR HELP ME!” Lawler leaves and we’ll say that’s it at about 5:20 (if you start the clock when they first make contact).

Rating: B. I have no idea what to call this as it’s a totally different kind of fight, which left Lawler as the better man because, as usual, Funk can’t back up what he says. That’s what makes him a great villain and makes Lawler feel like that much more of a hero. That being said, Funk was INCREDIBLE here, with that rant before the match being outstanding and making me wonder what in the world he was going to say next. He never stopped talking throughout the match and it made things that much better.

Post match Lawler leaves and Funk keeps going on about how he needs help but calls Lawler yellow. Funk: “YOU YELLOW PIG! PIG!”

From an ECW banquet, with Funk receiving a lifetime achievement award. It’s just Funk receiving his plaque but I’ve seen the whole thing (which goes on for around an hour) and it’s rather awesome, with all kinds of people paying tribute to Funk and making inside jokes.

From ECW Crossing The Line Again, February 1, 1997.

Terry Funk vs. Tommy Rich

Rich bails into the crowd to start and naturally Funk follows him because this is ECW and they like to fight. Somehow Rich is busted open less than thirty seconds in and they go back inside, where Funk starts throwing the left hands. They go right back to the floor where Rich misses a running knee into the barricade. Funk chairs the knee down and they head inside, where Funk sits down in a chair and punches him again.

Rich slugs away for a change and knocks Funk outside, where of course he goes into a table. A posting lets Rich send him over the barricade before going back inside. Funk’s leg is tied up in the ropes for a bit before Rich hits some clotheslines, allowing Funk to stagger around a bit. Funk is busted open so Rich drops an elbow for one. The DDT gives Rich two and another DDT gives Rich another two.

Ever the nice guy, Rich DDTs the referee twice in a row, leaving Funk to roll outside. Rich hammers on the knee with a chair and then does it again inside (he likes repeating things). Funk slugs away and they trade headbutts to leave both of them down. Rich grabs the spinning toehold but Funk breaks it up, knees him low, and puts on the spinning toehold for the win at 10:46.

Rating: B-. I’m not a big ECW guy but this was a violent, bloody brawl which made me want to see Funk fight back and win. Putting Funk in there with another legend made sense and I had a good time watching Funk beat on him, even with Rich being rather basic in his offense. It was nice to see something a bit less famous than the usual stuff from Funk, which is the point of something like this.

Post match Funk kicks him low again, because he’s Terry Funk.

Funk is with Jimmy Hart and explains the concept of taking care of a horse. You have to wash him, keep him well fed, and then walk him down after a ride. Hart doesn’t seem to get it.

We get another interview with Funk talking about how he sold his ranch for a chance to but Madison Square Garden and turn it into a parking lot.

From New York City, New York, July 13, 1985.

Terry Funk vs. Lanny Poffo

For some reason commentary takes awhile to start on this one, as I had a thing written up about how it wasn’t there for some reason. Funk backs him up against the ropes to start but the threat of a right hand has Funk bailing to the ropes in a pratfall. Some chops work a bit better for Funk, so Poffo sends him into the corner for a big upside down crash. Back up and we get a test of strength before Poffo grabs a wristlock and puts a boot on Funk’s face.

With that broken up, Funk knocks him to the floor and calls him a pig, as only Funk can do. I’m sure others can say the word but no one is going to make it sound that way. Poffo gets back in and knocks him over the top again for another breather on the floor. Funk comes back in this time and slowly fires off the left hands in the corner. A headbutt sends Poffo into the corner but it’s too early for the spinning toehold.

Some more headbutts cut Poffo off but he kicks Funk out to the apron without much trouble. Funk suplexes him over the top and down to the floor, though Poffo half lands on his feet to avoid a bad case of extreme pain. A spinning suplex brings Poffo back inside for two and a neckbreaker gets the same. Poffo grabs a sunset flip for two and the bell rings by mistake, which is always weird to see.

They keep going with Funk being laid across the top rope so Poof lays on his back and kicks him in the ribs for a unique spot. The moonsault gives Poffo two (ignore the lack of impact) and Funk is back up with more left hands. A hurricanrana gives Poffo two more, which is insane for 1985 in the Garden. Funk is right back up with a sleeper and Poffo is actually out at 12:58.

Rating: B. Poffo is someone who was in a rather unlucky spot as he is rather talented but there was only so much that you can do when your brother is Randy Savage. He could do some great things in the ring and looked good against just about anyone, with Funk helping him that much more. As usual, Funk was giving another incredible performance and boosting Poffo up, which was impressive as Poffo was already doing his own thing.

Post match Funk brands Poffo and then wakes him up so he’ll feel even more pain. Very nice, very evil.

Funk was talking to his neighbor and asked about various wrestlers’ arms. They were all bigger than Funk’s, but he has a bigger heart. All those muscles make him hot and he’s so hot that he’s….juicy.

We get a promo from Funk just after winning the NWA World Title, putting us in December 1975. Funk finds out that he’s going to face Jack Brisco in a rematch in Tampa, Florida rather than in Amarillo, Texas. He isn’t pleased, but he’ll face Brisco in Tampa as an offensive champion rather than a defensive champion like Brisco was for so long. Gordon Solie brings up Brisco having Funk pinned during the match but he referee was down. Funk: “I don’t recall that at all.” It’s always bizarre to hear Funk talking like a normal human.

From WCW TV, May 20, 1989.

Terry Funk vs. Eddie Guerrero

You knew this would be on here. Funk yells at the ring announcer for doing the introduction too soon before he’s ready to go. They circle each other to start before Eddie ducks a left hand against the ropes. Eddie rolls away again and Funk is not pleased with the developments. A kick to the head sends Funk outside and the frustration continues. Back in and Eddie moonsaults over him, only to get caught in a giant swing of all things.

Funk chops away but gets caught with a hurricanrana. Eddie gets caught on Funk’s shoulder and is thrown over the top in a pretty big bump. Funk’s clothesline hits the post though and Eddie hits a heck of a dive from the top. Another dive over the top misses and Funk actually hits a dropkick through the ropes. A piledriver on the floor knocks Eddie loopy for the pin at 5:15.

Rating: B. In a bit of a change of pace, Eddie was the one going nuts here as he was trying to get noticed. Believe it or not, it worked well, with Eddie’s jumps and dives looking great and Funk knowing how to sell them. Funk seems to like making younger wrestlers look good and he more than did so here.

Post match Funk goes into the crowd because….sure.

Funk is in the snow with his horse and tells a story of a man going to a bar and asking for a beer. The man was rather rude and called the bartender a jackass, but then asked for a tequila margarita. The man called him a jackass again, then did the same with a bourbon and water. Finally someone else asked why the bartender put up with this. The bartender said “HEE HAW HEE HAW! He always talks to me like this!”

From Uniondale, New York, December 29, 1997.

Chainsaw Charlie/Cactus Jack/Steve Austin/Undertaker vs. Nation Of Domination

Dark match from after Raw and I believe this was on the Unreleased DVD from a few years back. Austin is in his jean shorts here, likely meaning he didn’t wrestle on the show but is getting in the ring anyway, which is a smart way to send the fans home happy. We stall for a good while after the bell until Jack headlocks Brown to start. Charlie comes in for a double clothesline before intentionally taking Brown over to the corner.

Rock reluctantly comes in and is dragged over for the tag to Austin, sending rock scampering out to the floor. Brown comes back in and gets poked in the eye, allowing Austin to take him into the corner. Again Rock refuses the tag, at least until brown gets in a shot to take over. Austin is right back up to win a slugout and Rock bails to the floor again, only to get decked by Jack.

Faarooq comes in and hammers Jack down but Mustafa misses a charge in the corner. Brown is back in to cut Jack off, only to miss an elbow. Jack manages to get in something of a low blow on Faarooq and the hot tag brings in Undertaker to clean house. Everything breaks down and Austin Stuns Rock for the pin at 8:23.

Rating: C+. Sweet goodness what a lineup here. What does it say about a match when D’Lo Brown and the future Godfather are by far the weakest names in the ring? It’s a total all star match and the action itself doesn’t matter. It was cool just seeing these legends get in there together and then Austin wins the thing to send the fans home happy. Good, easy match here and that’s all it needed to be.

We go to Thunder in 2000 where Funk and Chris Candido fight into a horse stall, where Funk hits a piledriver and the horse literally kicks Candido out. That could have gone FAR worse.

Funk talks about the infamous “throw me a chair” incident in ECW, continuing the trend of “that could have gone FAR worse”.

From Wrestlepalooza 1997 (what a great name).

ECW World Title: Terry Funk vs. Chris Candido

Funk is defending and Candido, in similar tights (like he had in WCW, which would NEVER copy ECW), goes to the mat for a technical off to start. A headlock and shoulder block go a bit better for Funk and he sends Candido outside for a breather. Back in and Candido fires off the chops against the ropes, meaning it’s Funk going outside for a breather this time.

They both go outside for a change but this time Candido wants to take it back inside. Naturally he then sends Funk outside again and they brawl into the crowd. Candido gets in a shot off the barricade as they come back to ringside, where Funk is piledriven onto an open chair. Another piledriver through a table doesn’t quite work as the table breaks on the way up.

Back in and three straight piledrivers get two on Funk, with the fans barely reacting. Three straight neckbreakers give Candido two more and another onto a bridge made of chairs finally wakes the fans up. Funk comes back with a neckbreaker of his own but Candido cuts him off with a hurricanrana. Candido slaps him in the face for not staying down and is promptly crucifixed for the pin to retain at 12:54.

Rating: B-. I wasn’t feeling this one as much but it told a story of Funk continuing until Candido made a mistake by getting too angry, allowing Funk to catch him. It got a bit ridiculous with the piledrivers, but logic never had the biggest place in ECW. Not a bad match, but it actually told a story which is always appreciated.

Funk and Jimmy Hart are around a fire at the Double Cross Ranch and Hart thinks there are werewolves.

We go to Florida, Funk shows us a big wooden guy, which is called a Dusty. You have a 150lb frame, with 50lbs of obesity, 50lbs of hot air and 50lbs of extra fat. Funk then whips out a chainsaw and cuts off the limbs, as Funk is not the most well man. When you cut everything away from the Dusty and breed the remains with a barmaid, you get a Dustin, which is a creature that can’t say NO. This was Funk being totally insane and as usual it was great.

We get some clips of Funk vs. Dusty Rhodes, with Dusty breaking Funk’s arm with an armbar for the win. Dory Funk Jr. has to run in for the save and the fans aren’t happy, because Dusty was the king in Florida. Naturally the Funks break Dusty’s arm and are probably about to be massacred.

Funk explains the idea of hardcore, which is being physical rather than using a bunch of weapons. Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker are hardcore.

From Puerto Rico, possibly from July 2, 1988.

Terry Funk vs. TNT

We’re in a baseball stadium here for a really unique look and TNT is better known as Savio Vega. Commentary mentions that this is part of a tournament of some kind, which could be anything really. Funk runs away and climbs the scaffold before the bell before diving underneath the ring, where the bell rings. The fight goes into the crowd and Funk gets the better of things before taking it back to the ring. Funk hammers away but gets kicked back, allowing TNT to post him. For some reason TNT covers him on the ground, which of course doesn’t count.

TNT rams him into the scaffolding and they go back inside, where Funk grabs a sleeper. That’s broken up and TNT kicks him into the corner for some kicks to the ribs. Funk gets tied in the ropes, which commentary says is “reminiscent of Ali vs. Foreman.” What kind of weird Ali vs. Foreman match did they see? Funk throws in a table and they fight over it, with the referee getting taken out for the double DQ at 5:50.

Rating: C. Barely a match here as it was instead more of a wild brawl. They beat each other up until the ending which seemed to be designed to avoid either of them taking a loss. The stadium did make things feel that much different and it was fun to see these guys doing something so unique. Not a great match, but it was entertaining while it lasted.

Post match the fight continues and they climb the scaffolding.

We get an outtake of Dean Ambrose looking very confused as Funk tells him what to do to a chicken with a chainsaw.

From the AWA, March 10, 1985.

Terry Funk/Steve Regal/Nick Bockwinkel vs. Curt Hennig/High Fliers

Bockwinkel backs Gagne against the ropes to start and that goes nowhere. Gagne is right back with a hiptoss into a dropkick and Bockwinkel rolls outside for a breather. Funk comes in for some left hands before it’s off to Regal, who is quickly backdropped by Hennig. Brunzell comes in to clean house and it’s back to Funk to slug away.

They fight over a suplex until Brunzell takes him down as we suddenly have two minutes left. Bockwinkel comes in and avoids a dropkick, setting up the sleeper. Gagne finally reverses and grabs one of his own as everything breaks down. Bockwinkel and Gagne collide for a double down and it’s another big brawl as time expires at 6:40 (must be a TV time thing).

Rating: C. Not much to see here, but that was often the case for a lot of AWA stuff. There were talented wrestlers in there but they only had a little under seven minutes with six people. Funk didn’t really get to do much here and it felt more like a way to get something from the AWA on the set.

We go back to the ECW banquet where Funk gives a Terry Roosevelt quote, despite Roosevelt never taking a bump in his life. The quote is about someone doing something daring and knowing neither victory nor defeat. He talks about how wrestlers have compassion and has his family stand to give the ECW roster and fans a standing ovation. Well that was awesome.

Funk and Jimmy Hart are on the Double Cross Ranch and Funk loves to come here and imagine beating up people like Hulk Hogan, Tito Santana and the Junkyard Dog. For some reason Hart asks if they have buffalo out here and Funk says they don’t. Then everyone stops and the crew cracks up, with Hart saying he doesn’t know why he asked that.

From Shotgun Saturday Night, June 16, 1998.

Dustin Runnels/Terry Funk/Bradshaw vs. Jerry Lawler/Too Much

Too Much is the evil version of Too Cool. Runnels (Rhodes) and Taylor start things off with Runnels shouldering him down. Taylor gets thrown down for a faceplant before Bradshaw comes in for a big boot. Commentary ignores most of the match to talk about tomorrow’s Steve Austin vs. Kane match at King Of The Ring as Bradshaw gives Taylor a belly to back superplex.

Christopher comes in for a shoulder in the corner but stops to dance, allowing Funk to come in for quite the reaction. Funk wants Lawler though and we get a reunion of a feud that would be way more over in Tennessee. Naturally Cornette is right there to give us a quick recap of Funk vs. Lawler as the latter hits a piledriver. Funk is right back up (we’re definitely not in Tennessee) with a backdrop to send Lawler outside for some rams into the announcers’ table.

Back in and Lawler looks mostly done so Christopher comes in and gets DDTed. Funk piledrives Lawler right back so it’s off to Runnels vs. Taylor, with Christopher getting in a trip from the floor. Too Much hits a Hart Attack as commentary thinks Mankind might be a bit violent inside the Cell tomorrow against the Undertaker. Christopher’s bulldog is broken up and Runnels rolls over for the tag to Bradshaw (with Funk literally falling over the top rope to try for the tag). The powerbomb hits Christopher for two and everything breaks down. The Texans hit stereo backdrops and the Clothesline From Bradshaw finishes Christopher at 8:53.

Rating: B-. For a match that was designed to be Texas vs. Tennessee, this wound up being a surprisingly good match. It was nice to see the Funk vs. Lawler stuff and they let Cornette go with his history lesson. Good match here and I never would have guessed that was coming given the lineup.

Funk talks about great promos coming from someone’s heart and soul rather than having them written by someone else.

We get a promo from Funk as NWA World Champion and talking about what it means for him to be the champion. He introduces the new president of the NWA, Eddie Graham. Funk thinks the two of them can work together to pick the best opponents, who can make sure that Funk remains the champion for a long time. Hold on though as Graham says Funk will have to take the opponents as they come. Funk is a bit taken aback but Graham says that’s how it is.

From 50 Years Of Funk, September 11, 1997.

Bret Hart vs. Terry Funk

Hart’s WWF Title isn’t on the line, there are no DQ’s and Dennis Stamp has been booked to be the guest referee. Before the match, Funk’s family and some ECW wrestlers get in the ring for a special presentation to Funk. Paul Heyman talks about how ECW got where it is today because of Funk.

Back in 1993, ECW was started with the help of the Funk Brothers and Terry helped make it what it is today. Heyman presents Terry with a special title, naming him ECW World Champion for life. Everyone else leaves and Hart gets the mic and, after being booed out of the building (remember that he’s a huge heel in the WWF at this point), says it’s an honor to work with the best wrestler in history.

Hart talks about getting to be in Amarillo when he was younger and he saw the best wrestling he’s ever seen in this town. He shakes Funk’s hand and praises his career and promises a Canadian a** whipping. They start slowly with Hart taking an early breather before getting caught in a headlock.

That goes on for a bit until Hart gets up, only to be fireman’s carried back into the headlock. Hart has to fight out of the spinning toehold and starts kicking at the knee. Some choking lets Hart knock him out to the apron before it’s time to go back to the leg. The leg is wrapped around the knee and Hart cranks on it on the mat as they clearly have a lot of time here. Hart knocks him outside again and chairs the knee before throwing it back inside for the Figure Four.

Naturally Funk swears at Hart a lot before making it to the ropes, which shouldn’t force a break in a No DQ match. Funk grabs the Hart Family at ringside and the hold is finally broken. Hart unloads with right hands but Funk isn’t about to lose a slugout, so he punches Hart back down. A neckbreaker and DDT give Funk two and a piledriver gets the same as we get the fifteen minute call.

Funk takes it to the floor and sends Hart hard into a chair. Hart fights back again and gets the Figure Four around the post before cranking on the leg back inside. Some chair shots to the knee have Funk in more trouble but he gets in a shot of his own. Funk chairs Hart in the knee (Hart’s selling is great) to send him outside onto a table, only for Funk to miss a Vader Bomb.

The Hart Brothers argue with Stamp (who has been a total non-factor thus far) as the ring announcer asks the fans standing in the front row to sit down. Hart drops a headbutt between the legs but Funk gets a small package with a kind of all over the place count from Stamp. The spinning toehold goes on but Hart escapes and hits a clothesline. Back up and they collide to give Funk a rather delayed two as things slow back down. Funk grabs a belly to back suplex but Hart gets the shoulder up and pins him at 25:23.

Rating: B-. This was really just more long than good, with both of them doing their thing but never getting that into the next level. For some reason it just kind of kept going without much of a reason to believe that Funk was going to win. That wasn’t really the point of the match, but it just never really clicked for some reason. Not a bad match at all, but definitely not great. The point here was to have Funk’s last match in Amarillo (this was not Funk’s last match in Amarillo), though it would have been nice to have it be a bit better.

Post match we get something of a discussion over whether or not Funk’s shoulders were down before respect is shown. Funk says he has no complaints about the match tonight or the Funk Family’s trip here. And that’s that.

Funk is back on his ranch and is looking for Eddie Gilbert, who is supposed to meet him out here. Gilbert needs to learn the rules of a Texas chain match but Funk can’t find him anywhere. Then he sees the back of the horse (named Clyde) and realizes he’s found Gilbert (with a graphic saying “Eddie Gilbert” to really make the joke that much better).

From NWA Power Hour, August 4, 1989.

Sting/Steve Williams vs. Terry Funk/Terry Gordy

Gary Hart is with the Terry’s. The bell rings a few times and it’s Sting starting with Funk. Sting wastes no time in knocking him outside, meaning it’s already time to hit the stall button. Back in and Sting knocks him to the floor again, where a fan gets up and slaps his stomach before bending over in front of the Terry’s. JR: “Someone needs to get that guy back on his medicine.”

Gordy comes in and tries to throw Sting outside for a double teaming but Sting is way too smart (work with me here) and gets back inside. The fans chant something a bit sweary at Funk so of course he jumps the barricade before going back to ringside. Sting hits a crossbody for two on Gordy but gets sent into the buckle to cut that off. Williams comes in for a three point shoulder on Gordy, which connects in a miracle of violence. Back up and Williams is thrown outside for a change, with Funk sending him over and then into the barricade.

A piledriver gets two on Williams as the fans are still all over Funk. One heck of a clothesline gives Gordy two and the Terry’s hammer away, with Funk wanting to work on the neck. Then he tries the spinning toehold but gets small packaged, followed by a double clothesline. Williams gets over to Sting for the tag and a piledriver plants Funk. Sting gets caught in the corner for a hard clothesline but everything breaks down. Hart is brought in and that’s enough for the villains to get disqualified at 11:23.

Rating: B. This took some time to get going but wound up being a good tag match. As usual, Funk got to steal the show by driving the fans into a frenzy and then playing off of them. It worked well and you could see Sting’s star power coming out. It was kind of a weird set of pairings, but it wound up being fun.

Post match the big brawl is on and Funk hits Sting with a branding iron. Williams takes it away though and clears the ring without much trouble.

Back to the ranch and Funk is accidentally put in some stocks. He calls this his own ways of training, just like Hulk Hogan has. Hogan is everywhere but Funk is middle aged and crazy. He promises to ruin Hogan’s life one way or another because he wants the WWF Title.

Funk looks at a photo of himself and Mick Foley and talks about how great Foley really is.

From Monday Night Raw, May 4, 1998.

Mick Foley vs. Terry Funk

Anything goes, falls count anywhere and Steve Austin is on commentary. At the time, this was the first match that Foley had ever wrestled in the WWF under his own name. He has no music or gimmick here, as he’s in between Faces Of Foley at the moment. There’s no referee so here is Pat Patterson (Vince’s stooge, as this is part of Foley trying to get back in Vince’s good graces) to be the referee (Austin isn’t happy). Funk slugs away to start and knocks him outside, where Foley rakes the back.

Some NASTY chair shots to the head rock Foley to bust him open but he fights back. Austin’s headset breaks so he steals Lawler’s, which breaks as well, sending Austin into a great rant about how mad this stuff makes him. Then he punches Lawler to blow off some steam, which has JR begging off and pleading innocence. Austin: “Jiminy H. Cricket on a popsickle stick somebody help me out here.”

Funk chairs Foley and sends him into the steps as this is getting a lot more violent in a hurry. Foley cuts off a charge with a raised bo…, uh, shoe but Funk backdrops him onto the exposed concrete. Funk throws him through the barricade and they fight into the crowd (Austin: “This is quality entertainment!”). They fight to the concession stand and JR LOSES IT as the hot dog guy is knocked down.

Since it’s Funk, he climbs into a balcony and moonsaults back onto Foley and some referees to put everyone down. Back up and Foley piledrives him through a table and they crawl underneath the bleachers as we take a break. We come back with a clip of Foley beating Funk up during the break and Patterson possibly counting slow.

They go back into the arena, where Foley hits a piledriver onto the ramp for two. Funk is thrown onto the announcers’ table (Austin doesn’t like someone getting that close to his beer or his belt) for the chair elbow off the apron. Foley goes after Austin though and staring ensues but he takes Funk back inside instead. A double arm DDT and piledriver plant Funk and another piledriver onto the chair finishes Funk at 16:31.

Rating: B+. This was a brutal fight and showed what hardcore could be like in the WWF. It was interesting to see Foley by himself for a change as part of the bigger story and dang did they beat each other up. They were playing up the personal connection as well and that made things that much better. Awesome fight and one of the best violence based matches ever on Raw.

Post match Funk is upset that his best friend beat him up that badly.

We go to St. Louis during Dory Funk Jr.’s NWA World Title reign (putting this in the late 60s/early 70s) where Dory Funk Sr. takes us to an empty arena where his sons are training. Sr. says that he’s taught his kids 95% of what he knows but he always holds something back just in case he needs to do something. They trade some takedowns and everything goes fine, at least to start. This goes on for a long time with Dory Jr. getting the better of things. Terry gets a bit more serious and tries to slam his dad before calming down.

From NWA Pro, July 29, 1989.

Terry Funk vs. Scott Hall

From Amarillo so Funk is crazy over. Funk starts fast and knocks him outside, earning quite the cheers. Back in and Hall chops the heck out of him before a running clothesline sends Funk outside. Funk pulls the ring mats back and tries the piledriver, which is quickly cut off by the referee. They get back inside for a collision before Hall hits a running clothesline into a bulldog out of the corner. Another bulldog gets two on Funk but he blocks another attempt on the floor, sending Hall onto the exposed concrete. Back in and the piledriver finishes Hall at 4:17.

Rating: C. This wasn’t so much a great match as much as “here’s Funk against someone who would become a legend one day”. That’s the kind of rare match that makes sense for this compilation, as it felt more like someone went through the archives and found fun stuff. Hall’s hair and mustache alone are worth a look.

Funk praises Tommy Dreamer for trying so hard. Dreamer reminds Funk of Dory Funk Sr., who wanted to be the World Champion. Then Dory had a major heart attack and died on his way to the hospital. Now Terry wants to win the World Title from Raven for his dad’s memory. Can’t get much better than that.

From Barely Legal.

ECW World Title: Terry Funk vs. Raven

Funk is challenging after winning a three way dance just before. Raven hammers away as Tommy Dreamer, on commentary, talks about how Funk isn’t going out like this. The fans want Dreamer to come in and take Funk’s place (which I always thought would be a great way to end the show) but Raven beats on Funk even more. The doctor still can’t get in there to break it up as Raven suplexes a table onto Funk. Raven puts him on a table and hits a big running dive, which is enough for Raven to call out the Nest.

They beat on Funk a bit more and Raven grabs the mic, promising to end Funk at Dreamer’s feet. Dreamer tells him to bring it so here is Big Dick Dudley to jump Dreamer from behind. Raven DDTs the referee just because, but Dreamer fights up and chokeslams Dudley out of the Eagle’s Nest through three tables (ok so Dudley clearly jumped by it was a huge bump). Now Dreamer comes to the ring to DDT Raven for two, leaving Funk to get a small package for the pin and the title at 7:12.

Rating: C-. As tends to be the case with ECW, the match wasn’t so much the point, but rather the moment of Funk getting the big win to close out the show. It’s the definition of a feel good moment after a nothing match, as Funk barely had any offense for the whole thing. Funk winning the title at the same age his father died makes it even better.

Funk gets to celebrate in the crowd with Dreamer to end the show (with the feed going out ten seconds after they went off the air because the ECW Arena couldn’t handle that kind of power needs).

Some cowboys come up on Funk and Jimmy Hart at the ranch, accusing them of being cow thieves. Funk beats two of them up (Hart: “Beautiful!”) and the third rides away, with Funk calling him a SQUEALER!

From Slamboree 1994.

Terry Funk vs. Tully Blanchard

It’s the Legends match from the show. Funk goes out into the crowd and since this show is in Philadelphia, of course he’s crazy over. Blanchard gets tired of waiting and goes to the floor to start the brawl. They get back inside where Blanchard hits a middle rope knee but the referee has to get rid of some crutches. An atomic drop plants Blanchard and a neckbreaker does it again back inside. The fight goes back to the ramp, with a big chop sending Blanchard off to the floor.

Funk finds a piece of wood and piledrives Blanchard through it (ignore the camera showing that Blanchard’s head doesn’t come within a foot of the board and Funk broke it entirely) as Heenan compares the Funk brothers’ demeanors. The fans want blood as Funk hits a regular piledriver, only to miss the moonsault. Back up and Funk whips him into the referee so it’s time for a chair. Funk loads up another chair and tries a middle rope piledriver but it kind of falls apart. Blanchard shoves the referee as Funk has the branding iron so the whole thing is thrown out at 7:15.

Rating: C+. They were protecting both guys here rather well but it wound up being a good enough fight all things considering. Blanchard on his own is always kind of weird but at least it isn’t a match that feels like it has been done over and over. The piledriver with the board was lame, though understandable as it was more on the camera than anything else.

Post match Funk grabs Hat Guy’s hat and drops an elbow on it before taking a bite.

We wrap it up with Funk’s Hall Of Fame induction, with Funk thanking his family. His grandkids want to be wrestlers but they have to get an education first, because there is no room for dummies in WWE (….uh….). Funk thanks his friends, peers, ECW and the other wrestlers.

We get the Theodore Roosevelt quote from the ECW banquet before he says the bell rings no more. He feels 105 and he’s ready to go to Heaven where there’s an eternal battle royal and every seat is front row. Funk says this is the last time you’ll see himself and his brother and dances a bit. Naturally, he would wrestle for another eight years after this.

Overall Rating: B+. The idea here was a huge tribute to Funk and that worked like a charm. The biggest thing I can take away from this is just how incredible of a talent Funk really was, as he can make anything work well. He’s a human cartoon character with his bumps and the swearing makes it even better. Looking back at the outstanding mixture of matches of different genres was outstanding and you could see how interested he was in helping younger stars get over. This was all kinds of fun and I’m hoping we see a lot more of these mixtapes in the future, as they’re an outstanding way to showcase legends’ talents.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XII (2015 Redo): Cry Me A River

Wrestlemania XII
Date: March 31, 1996
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

Much like last year, there’s nothing else to talk about besides the main event. This is all about Shawn vs. Bret and they’re not even trying to hide it. The other big match on the card is Diesel vs. Undertaker but it’s so far behind the World Title match that it’s not fair to mention them in the same breath. Let’s get to it.

Before we get to the show, here’s a bonus that probably should have been on the main card (at least on paper). Occasionally WWF would air a match on their pre-show (known as the Kickoff Show in modern times) and I’ll include them if they’re available. There were dark matches for years before Wrestlemania would go on the air but this is the first that was actually recorded.

Free For All: Tag Team Titles: Godwinns vs. Bodydonnas

This is a tournament final for the vacant titles. The Bodydonnas (Skip and Zip, a pair of exercise enthusiasts) have Sunny, a rather attractive manager and the Godwinns (Henry O. and Phineas I. (get it?), hog farmers) have Hillbilly Jim in their corner. Of note there’s a big blimp flying around over the lower arena, making it practically impossible for fans sitting behind it to see a thing.

Henry and Zip start things off and a wheelbarrow slam gives the Godwinns early control. Phineas comes in and has one of his fits as he clears the ring. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled by any of this. Things settle back down and it’s Henry catapulting Zip over the top and down onto Skip for a nice crash to get the crowd into things a bit. For some reason Phineas tries to come in (he never was that bright) and the Bodydonnas take over with a double slingshot suplex.

Skip drops Zip into a legdrop onto Henry but a Rocket Launcher misses. The cold tag brings in Phineas to clean house and Skip is in trouble. Phineas loads up the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) but Sunny gets on the apron and pulls up her skirt to flash Phineas, allowing Skip to roll him up for the pin and the titles at 5:24.

Rating: D-. Thankfully these things would get better later on because this was terrible. It’s probably better that this wasn’t on the main show as people really didn’t need to see how dismal the tag division had become at this point. There were so many lame gimmick teams like this and they took years to get better, but even then it only lasted for a short time. Terrible match but the right result.

The opening video is entirely focused on Bret vs. Shawn and their contrasting personalities with Bret being all about respect and Shawn being very in your face. They respect each other coming in and this is going to be a great test for both, even though looking back there was no question about which way this was going.

Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson/Yokozuna vs. British Bulldog/Owen Hart/Vader

Johnson is an athletic freak who would have been WWF World Champion had he not been so injury prone. Yokozuna is even heavier than ever and is in this match to get his hands on the heels’ manager Jim Cornette if the good guys win. Vader is Cornette’s new charge and really shouldn’t need an introduction. The big guys start brawling at the start and it’s Yokozuna’s team clearing house with Yokozuna launching Ahmed over the top and out onto Vader. That’s good for a better reaction than anything in the Tag Team Title match had and we’re less than a minute in.

Vader and Yokozuna slug it out to start with Yokozuna getting the better of it until Owen and Vader get him down in the corner. Vader pounds him down with rights and lefts but misses a splash, allowing the hot tag to Ahmed. We get some real house cleaning from the powerhouse but Vader gets in a shot from behind. Vince talks about a herd of buffalo until Owen dropkicks Johnson down, allowing Vader to come back in for some more big shots to the head.

Ahmed completely misses a clothesline to Owen (Johnson had a great look and awesome charisma but he couldn’t do the actual wrestling part) and makes the tag off to Jake for his signature punches. Owen blocks the DDT though and it’s off to Bulldog for a front facelock. The heels keep taking turns on Jake and Owen’s top rope elbow gets two. Bulldog’s running powerslam gets the same (that’s a big surprise) and so does a splash from Vader.

Jake finally avoids a legdrop and falls into the tag off to Yokozuna who pounds Vader down in the corner again. Owen takes the DDT but Jake has to intercept an interfering Cornette. That looks to set up a DDT on Cornette but Vader makes the save and Vader Bombs Jake for the pin at 13:11.

Rating: C-. This didn’t need to be so long and the teasing of Yokozuna getting his hands on Cornette didn’t go anywhere. They did however keep Jake in there for the most part and that’s the right idea given how good he was at selling a beating like that. Yokozuna was only good for quick bursts at this point and the weight would lead to him leaving the company. Vader was clearly on the rise as he was a monster but one who could move with very impressive speed, making him a great addition to the main event.

Call the Hotline!

We recap Roddy Piper vs. Goldust, which can be translated to “Razor Ramon had drug issues so here’s Piper instead.” Piper is a man’s man and President of the WWF, but Goldust (still very bizarre in actions here instead of just in name only) is attracted to Piper and his power. That’s not cool with Roddy and it’s time for a fight at Wrestlemania. Not a match mind you, but they’re going to be fighting in a back lot.

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

This is a Hollywood Back Lot Brawl and Piper is waiting, baseball bat in hand. Goldust drives up in a gold Cadillac, which Piper attacks with a fire hose and then the more logical bat. Piper goes after Goldust with the bat and the camera is jumping all over the place. They break up a concessions table and Piper beats him all over the lot, including some HARD right hands that sounded like they were making some very real impact.

Goldust gets slammed onto the hood of the car and seems to be bleeding from somewhere. A low blow slows Piper down and Goldust runs him over, causing Piper (or more likely a stunt man) to hang on as Goldust drives through the lot. Piper finally falls off and steals a white Bronco to chase after Goldust. No rating due to time but we’re not done with this yet.

Savio Vega vs. Steve Austin

Vega is a Puerto Rican brawler and Austin is the Million Dollar Champion (not on the line here) with Ted DiBiase in his corner. These two had been fighting for a bit but it was made worse when they had to team together in the Tag Team Title tournament. Austin didn’t want to win and laid out Savio instead. We’re ready to go after Savio says he’s ready for anything.

They slug it out and the brawl is quickly on the floor where a DiBiase distraction doesn’t do Austin any good. Back in and Vega’s shoulder goes into the post as Austin takes over on his own. That’s a nice, subtle point and would come into play months later when Austin intentionally got DiBiase sent out of the company.

Austin tries to work on the arm but Savio takes over with some nice kicks. Oh wait though as Roddy Piper calls in to say he’s chasing Goldust down the freeway because this isn’t over. Vega flips out of a chinlock but the arm is still bothering him. Austin comes back with a middle rope elbow as Piper gets on the phone again but his phone keeps cutting off when he’s about to swear. This is a bad sitcom plot.

A pinfall reversal sequence gets a few near falls each but we have an aerial shot of Piper…..which is the video from the OJ Simpson car chase. Back to the match (which shouldn’t have to happen more than once ever) and Austin dives into a raised boot to put both guys down. Savio wins a slugout but a spinwheel kick takes out the referee. The distraction lets DiBiase throw in the title belt goes upside Savio’s head twice, allowing Austin to put on the Million Dollar Dream until the referee wakes up to call the match at 10:03.

Rating: C. The match was entertaining while they actually focused on it but instead we had to sit through Piper calling in (likely from backstage) to advance this stupid idea that no one not named McMahon finds funny. These two feuded for several months and it was a very underrated pairing with both guys getting better as a result. Of course Austin would move on to a much bigger feud later in the year and never looked back, but this was really fun stuff like it lasted.

Austin won’t let the hold go for a long time after the match is over.

More Piper footage which is still from the OJ chase.

We recap Undertaker pulling Diesel through the mat last month at In Your House VI and then Diesel seeing himself in a coffin. Diesel says he’s dealing with Undertaker tonight and then Shawn is next. Yes Shawn and not the title. I guess even Diesel knew what was coming in the main event.

Another half second of Piper footage as the announcers make sure to not say where they’ve seen this before.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Ultimate Warrior

Helmsley has a new valet (like he did every week) named Sable. Warrior is making his return for the first time since 1992 and Lawler had been suggesting that he was 400lbs and bald. Of course he’s his normal (normalish I guess) self and Lawler looks like an idiot again. Helmsley (who is TINY by comparison to what he would become) attacks Warrior before the bell and hits the Pedigree thirty seconds in. Warrior is almost to his feet faster than Helmsley though and it’s time for the clotheslines and shoulders. The gorilla press and splash end Helmsley at 1:39, though I think he’ll be fine. Warrior would be gone again by July.

Merchandise ad.

The debuting Wildman Marc Mero (Johnny B. Badd from WCW) says he’s ready for the competition here in the WWF. Helmsley stumbles in and they get in a fight to set up Mero’s first feud.

In Your House VII ad.

Diesel vs. Undertaker

This is the first time Undertaker has had a really serious challenger at Wrestlemania in a few years and for once he feels like he’s in real danger. These two have cost each other title shots at the last two pay per views and now it’s time for them to go one on one in a marginal dream match. Diesel wins a slugout to start and crushes Undertaker with a running clothesline in the corner.

Undertaker misses his big elbow but sits right back up and they quickly on the floor. A quick ram into the steps looks to set up the tombstone back inside but Diesel slips off the back and kicks Undertaker in the face for two. They’re flying through this so far. Undertaker misses the jumping clothesline and crashes into the ropes, only to snap Diesel’s throat across the top. Diesel is right back though and throws Undertaker into the barricade before stopping to pose.

Back in and the side slam gets two, followed by Snake Eyes (actually called that by Vince, I believe for the only time ever) to keep Undertaker in trouble. In a rare sight, both guys connect with a big boot at the same time (that’s hard to do when you think about it). It’s Diesel up first and we hit the bearhug on Undertaker. Lawler: “YOU GOT HIM BAY-BAY!”

Undertaker suplexes his way out of it but Diesel is up again and scores with the Jackknife. He’d rather celebrate than cover though and Undertaker eventually sits up. That’s fine with Diesel as he hits a second Jackknife but still won’t cover, allowing Undertaker to get up and grab him by the throat. That earns Undertaker a belly to back suplex but he pops up for a bad looking chokeslam. Undertaker plants Diesel with the Tombstone for the pin at 16:37 to make it 5-0.

Rating: B. Diesel was on his way out for WCW but he was actually having better matches every month right before he left. This was by far the best Undertaker Wrestlemania match so far as they were beating the tar out of each other. It’s nice to see Undertaker actually in some trouble instead of just destroying people for a change and Diesel gave him a great challenge. This was much better than I was expecting and a great big man fight.

Ultimate Warrior is on America Online.

Goldust and Piper return in their cars and fight to the ring with Goldust getting the better of it. Another low blow has Piper in trouble and now it’s time for Goldust to strip him. Piper’s bad leg is wrapped around the post but it just seems to fire him up even more. Goldust goes to kiss him but punches Piper in the face instead. That’s fine with Piper as he crotches Goldust on top, only to have Goldust kiss him. Piper will have none of that and he hammers away before grabbing Goldust between the legs. Now it’s time for a spanking, followed by Piper stripping Goldust down to some S&M lingerie to finally end it.

Piper’s son Colt comes in to celebrate with him.

We look back at the history of Bret vs. Shawn with a focus on both of their (singles) history in the company. Shawn has been rising through the ranks and is looking to fulfill his boyhood dream. We also get a focus on their training style with Shawn learning under high flier Jose Lothario and Bret being taught submissions by his father Stu Hart. This worked very well and summed up the entire idea in about a minute and a half.

Shawn says everyone knows the story and now it’s time for the final chapter.

Bret says he just wants to wake up tomorrow morning with the title.

Gorilla Monsoon is introduced as the new President of the WWF.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

Bret is defending and this is a sixty minute Iron Man match, meaning the most falls (pin, submission, countout, disqualification) in the time limit wins. Lothario comes out with no Shawn but he points to the top of the arena for Shawn’s famous zipline entrance into the crowd. That shot of him riding down into the arena was shown on a lot of highlight packages for a very long time. Hebner explains the rules in full, even down to how a countout works, and we’re ready to go.

Feeling out process to start as Shawn grabs some quick takedowns to frustrate Bret just a bit. Bret holds on to a headlock to slow things down as Vince tries to say there are no Bret or Shawn fans but only WWF fans. Lawler is all over him for sounding stupid as this headlock continues. In this case though it makes sense as both guys would want to conserve energy.

Shawn fights up into a top wristlock but Bret reverses into a front facelock. That goes nowhere so Shawn escapes into an armbar. They get to their feet and try to pick up the pace but it’s right back to the mat for more arm cranking on the champ. Bret takes him into the corner for some shots to the ribs but Shawn forearms him in the jaw and headscissors Bret to the floor.

We’re ten minute in and you might think that headscissors would start the second gear but instead it’s right back to the armbar from Shawn. Bret stops to yell at Lothario and the distraction lets Shawn crank on the arm all over again. The hold stays on so long that Vince and Jerry actually talk strategy and analyze the match. Back up and Michaels gets caught in a spinebuster but fights out of a Sharpshooter attempt. They head to the floor and Bret is sent into the timekeeper’s area where a superkick takes the timekeeper’s (who looked a lot like Tony Chimmel) head off.

Back in and Bret grabs a chinlock to slow things down all over again. Shawn FINALLY fights up and hits a hard clothesline but Bret nails one of his own and it’s right back to that chinlock. Another comeback from Shawn includes a dropkick and there’s another armbar. We’re twenty minutes in and this already isn’t boding well. Shawn pulls on the wrist with his foot in Bret’s face before switching to a regular armbar. Good thing too as the fans might have been interested in something different.

Back up and they get a bit more aggressive as Bret’s shoulder is sent into the post. A shoulder breaker and hammerlock slam (shades of the Andersons) have Bret in even more trouble but Shawn isn’t following up. There’s a cross armbreaker on the wrong arm so Shawn quickly switches to the proper version. Shawn switches up to a seated armbar for a good bit until Bret fights up with a Stun Gun for the break. The arm keeps giving him problems though and Shawn sends Bret face first into the buckle. Bret isn’t done yet though as he comes back with the Five Moves of Doom.

For some reason he goes to the top rope and Shawn is ready to catch him, but Bret puts his knee on the back of Shawn’s head and drives him down onto the mat. Shawn comes back with a powerslam for two as there are thirty minutes to go. A slam brings Bret off the top again and a hurricanrana lets Shawn hammer away. That’s one of the first lucha style moves Shawn has used after basically promising to use a bunch of them. Nice little head game there and not something you often see work on Bret.

The threat of Sweet Chin Music sends Bret to the floor but Michaels goes to the top and LAUNCHES himself down onto Bret. That was one heck of a dive and always impresses me whenever I see this match. Back in and a PerfectPlex gets two on the champ. We hit a sleeper, which is smart but annoying after everything we’ve sat through here. Bret fights up (the arm injury disappeared a long time ago) and backdrops Shawn WAY over the top for a huge crash. Lothario comes over to check on him but somehow it’s not a countout.

Back in and Bret works on the back with an ax handle and backbreaker. There are twenty minutes left and Bret drops him with a belly to back superplex. We hit the reverse chinlock for a bit until Shawn fights up, only to have Bret throw him to the floor and into Lothario. With fifteen minutes to go, Bret even screams at Jose as he tries to get up and belly to bellys Shawn down for two. That’s rather heelish of him. The yelling, not the suplex.

Shawn’s right hands don’t get him anywhere as Bret counters a rollup by kicking Michaels outside again. This time it’s Bret diving through the ropes to take Shawn down again. Bret is willing to take the countout now but then changes his mind and breaks it up. Lawler: “He’s his own worst enemy! No, not as long as I’m still alive.” Back in and a German suplex gets two for the champ and Shawn can barely stand. He’s still able to slug it out from his knees though, telling Bret to bring it on.

A big headbutt puts Shawn down but Bret can’t follow up. After a few shakes of his head, Bret grabs another reverse chinlock and we have ten minutes to go. Shawn fights up yet again but it’s a double clothesline to reset things all over again. There’s a superplex from Bret as Vince declares it over at the six minute mark. He’s wrong on both counts as not only does it not get a fall but there were nearly seven minutes left.

Shawn kicks Bret in the face to block a Sharpshooter so Hart has to settle for a half crab instead. Unfortunately Shawn is right next to the ropes for the save and we’ve got five minutes left. Bret dives into a boot and both guys are down again. Shawn comes back with a nice dropkick to send Bret into the corner and there’s the Irish whip for Bret’s chest first buckle bump. Four minutes left and Shawn forearms into the nipup (which the camera misses) as it’s time for a comeback. Lawler: “Michaels has just gotten his nineteenth wind!”

With three minutes left, Shawn gets two off a top rope ax handle. The top rope elbow gets the same and Shawn plants him with a gutwrench powerbomb. He goes up with two minutes left and a moonsault press gets another near fall. A middle rope hurricanrana gets the same and Shawn is winded. With a minute left, Shawn goes up top but misses a dropkick and gets caught in the Sharpshooter. Bret cranks back on it but the time limit expires at 1:00:00.

We’re not done yet though as Bret goes to leave, only to have Monsoon make a ruling that we’re getting sudden death because THERE MUST BE A WINNER. Bret is ticked and starts hammering away on the back but Shawn jumps over him in the corner and hits Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere. Everyone (including me when I was watching live) jumps to their feet but Shawn can’t follow up. Both guys stagger to their feet and another superkick gives Shawn the first fall and the title at 1:01:50.

Rating: B-. This is a really tricky one to grade but the first twenty minutes ruin whatever else they could have had here. It’s just a bunch of laying around in rest holds, which may make sense but that doesn’t mean it’s entertaining. This would have been much better off as a regular match running about forty minutes as it increases drama and lets you believe that something might happen at any given moment.

The match is fondly remembered and it’s certainly not bad, but it’s definitely nowhere near a classic. Allegedly neither guy wanted to job multiple times to the other and it caused the match to be a bunch of waiting around for the first and decisive fall, which made for a dull match until the last five minutes. Unfortunately that’s the case with almost all Iron Man matches and it certainly happened here too. Good match, but not as great as it’s hyped up to be.

Bret is all ticked off and leaves, not to be seen for over seven months. Vince gets in the great line of “the boyhood dream has come true for Shawn Michaels.” Shawn is stunned but finally celebrates like you knew he was going to do.

A highlight package takes us out.

Overall Rating: B. This was a one match show but the Diesel vs. Undertaker match was more than enough to help push it up to a higher level. This was still a bad time for the company but they were smart enough to go with a new direction. Shawn’s success as champion would be hit or miss on his best day but there was no question that this was the right move at the time. It’s not a great show, but when nearly half of it is spent on an entertaining enough match, the show is a success.

Ratings Comparison

Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C-

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Diesel

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B-

I’m kind of stunned that the Iron Man has stayed consistent.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/19/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-12-one-really-long-match-and-not-much-else/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/21/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xii-grabbing-the-brass-ring/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania X (2022 Redo): You Don’t Notice The Problems

Wrestlemania X
Date: March 20, 1994
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,065
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

If there is one thing that WWE does well, it is big milestone episodes where they are able to look back on what they have done before and praise themselves for it. The good thing is that this show has a lot going for it on its own, including the legendary ladder match and the two World Title matches, along with a second instant classic. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look back at the first Wrestlemania (egads it’s amazing how far they have come, even in nine years), with some awesome old school clips.

The opening sequence is just a look at the World Title participants without so much as a voiceover.

Little Richard and the Harlem Boys Choir sing America the Beautiful in a great performance.

Vince and Lawler explain the WWF Title situation, which is going to require some backstory. Lex Luger and Bret Hart were co-winners of the Royal Rumble, so both of them are getting title shots (since the triple threat wasn’t a big thing yet). Luger won a coin toss, meaning he will face Yokozuna for the WWF Title first, while Bret will face his brother Owen Hart (had Bret won the coin toss, Luger would have faced Crush). Bret will then face the winner of Luger vs. Yokozuna, no matter what happens in Bret vs. Owen.

We recap Bret vs. Owen, which is all about Owen wanting to get out from his brother’s shadow. Bret is one of the top stars in the WWF but Owen feels he is even better. They tried to win the Tag Team Titles together but the injured Bret wouldn’t tag out, costing them the titles. Owen turned on him as a result, which felt completely justified as Bret wouldn’t listen and tried to do everything himself. This is Owen’s big chance to prove that he’s a star in his own right and back up everything he has said about Bret for months now.

Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart

Dig that entrance where the X in the Wrestlemania logo slides apart, plus the entrance being opposite the hard camera as only MSG can make work. They go straight to the lockup, with Owen celebrating almost immediately. Bret wrestles him down and this time Owen has to go to the ropes for a break. Back up and Owen takes him down but this time Bret sends him outside to escape.

Owen slaps him in the face and then grabs a headlock, only to get reversed into a hammerlock. A rollup out of the corner gives Bret two and he armdrags Owen into an armbar. That’s broken up as well so Bret grabs a monkey flip, followed by a clothesline to the floor as things pick up for the first time. Owen teases leaving so Bret throws him back inside and hits a slap of his own, setting up another arm crank.

That’s broken up as well and Owen hits a spinwheel kick as neither can keep an advantage for that long. They head outside with Owen ramming him back first into the post. A backbreaker stays on the back and we hit a camel clutch as Owen plays Iron Sheik. Bret gets out (I knew he was better than Backlund) but charges into a belly to belly for two. Owen’s middle rope spinning crossbody connects and it’s off to the reverse chinlock with a knee in Bret’s back.

With that not working well enough, Owen tosses him to the floor, followed by a bridging German suplex for two back inside. It’s time to crank things up with a jumping Tombstone but instead of covering, Owen goes up to miss a top rope headbutt. Bret fights up and hits a clothesline, followed by a Russian legsweep for two. The middle rope elbow gets the same but Owen comes back with the enziguri.

Owen tries his own Sharpshooter but Bret counters, only to have his own version countered as well. A cradle gives Owen two with the kickout sending him outside. Lawler freaks out again, as he is glorious in praising Owen while yelling about Bret. A dive to the floor drops Owen again but Bret bangs up his knee on the landing. Back in and Owen goes right for the knee rather than letting Bret have a chance to sucker him in, including wrapping the leg around the post over and over.

Something like an Indian Deathlock has Bret down again so we hit the LET’S GO BRET chant. There’s something so simple about a chant like that but it just feels like wrestling. Owen goes a bit more classic with the Figure Four but Bret turns it over, sending Owen straight to the ropes. Back up and Bret whips him chest first into the buckle, setting up a bulldog for two.

A heck of a piledriver gives Bret two more, though it seems to tweak his knee a bit. Said knee is fine enough to hit a top rope superplex (Bret always made those look good) for another near fall as Bret is getting frustrated. Bret grabs a sleeper so Owen goes for the ropes and kicks him low to escape. Owen slaps on the Sharpshooter, which is reversed into Bret’s version, which sends Owen straight to the ropes. Back up and Bret gets whipped into the corner but gets up a boot to stop a charge. Bret tries a victory roll but Owen sits down on him for the clean pin at 20:22.

Rating: A. Absolute classic here and still probably the best opening match ever. What made this work so well, in addition to the great wrestling, is the story that they were telling. Bret was going as hard as he could but he couldn’t beat the motivated Owen, who had everything riding on this. If Owen lost here, he had nowhere to go and would go even nuttier, which was enough to get him past his brother. I’ve seen this one a ton of times and it is still great every time. Check this out again in case you haven’t seen it in awhile.

In the back, Owen is VERY happy with his win and says he told us all. This is more pride than anything else as Owen is finally validated. He even praises Bret a bit because while he still loves his brother, he had to win. That’s a great little detail and something you don’t see in a lot of matches and stories.

Wrestlemania II was in three cities and had celebrities!

Sy Sperling, the President of the Hair Club for Men, presents Howard Finkel in a toupee.

Doink The Clown/Dink The Clown vs. Luna Vachon/Bam Bam Bigelow

Makes sense to put this here as nothing serious should be following the opener. Bigelow wastes no time in dropkicking Doink down to start but misses a backsplash. Doink avoids a charge and works on an armbar, which lasts as long as you would expect. It’s off to Luna vs. Dink, the latter of whom starts with a quick spank. Luna chokes him on the middle rope, only to miss a charge on the ropes. Dink’s elbow drop gets two so Luna kicks him in the stomach. Dink drives her into the corner but misses something off the top for a crash.

This time it’s Luna going up, where she misses a splash (which got some height) of her own. The double tag brings in Bigelow and Doink, with Bigelow clotheslining him out to the floor in a heap. For some reason Dink is able to knock Bigelow down to his knees but Luna chases him back outside. Back in and Doink tries a sunset flip on Bigelow, which goes about as well as you would expect. Doink is fine enough to hit a jumping DDT on Bigelow, setting a missed top rope Whoopee Cushion. Bigelow knocks Dink off the apron and the top rope headbutt finishes Doink at 6:07.

Rating: D+. What else were you expecting here? There is only so much that you can get out of having a match mostly played for comedy, though having Bigelow and Luna win in such dominant fashion was a bit weird. At least they didn’t give it too much time though and it’s hard to get that annoyed at a match that is pure filler.

Post match Dink goes after Bigelow but gets taken down by Luna. The splash misses though and the clowns stand tall enough.

A Bill Clinton impersonator is here, complete with Jack Tunney next to him and IRS behind him.

Wrestlemania III was a huge show.

Randy Savage vs. Crush

This is billed as Falls Count Anywhere, which is true, but it has a twist to it, in that you get a fall but then your opponent has sixty seconds to get back in the ring. Yokozuna destroyed Crush a few months ago and Crush accused Savage, his former friend, of not checking on him. As a result, Crush beat the heck out of him, sending Savage into a rage, costing him a broadcasting job.

Now it’s time for revenge, so Savage charges at him in the aisle. That earns Savage a throat first drop onto the barricade for a fall on the floor less than a minute after the bell. Savage falls down at ringside but makes it back in with two seconds left. Crush ties him in the Tree of Woe and hammers away before going over to manager Mr. Fuji to get some salt. As you might expect, Savage gets out and knocks it into Crush’s face, setting up a top rope ax handle to the back.

The top rope elbow connects but Savage is smart enough to throw Crush outside for the pin, meaning the sixty second countdown is on again. Crush makes it back in with a second to go (and Fuji pouring water on his face/pushing him inside), meaning that was the most incredible elbow Savage ever hit.

Back in and Crush starts hammering on the back as they go to the floor again. They fight into the back with Crush being sent face first into a door, where they find some scaffolding. Savage gets the pin, but stops to tie Crush upside down in the scaffolding. Apparently never a Boy Scout, the rope slips and Crush falls down on the floor, but Savage gets the win anyway at 9:03.

Rating: C. This was a weird one as they mixed up a couple of stipulations, leaving us with a match that didn’t really work. Waiting for almost a minute after each fall made things drag a lot and that isn’t how such a grudge match should have gone. Savage out for vengeance in a wild weapons brawl should have been easy, but they twisted things around a bit here and it only kind of worked, mainly when they weren’t in the long rest periods. This would be Savage’s last match for the WWE, and it wasn’t a great way to go out.

Todd Pettengill is with the Clinton impersonator, who talks about how he has loved wrestling for years. IRS pops in for some tax jokes.

Video on Fan Fest, the ancestor of Axxess.

Randy Savage celebrates with the fans.

Randy Savage won the WWF Title in a tournament at Wrestlemania IV.

Women’s Title: Lelani Kai vs. Alundra Blayze

Kai, who challenged for the title at the first Wrestlemania, is challenging here as the company decided it cared about the Women’s Title again. The camera stays rather zoomed in to start before zooming out to show Kai running her over. Kai picks Blayze up for some choking and throws her down as Lawler talks about how much better Kai is at everything.

The yet to be named hurricanrana gives Blayze two but Kai tosses her outside. Back in and a butterfly suplex gives Kai two as this is one sided so far. Blayze fights back with some kicks and a snap suplex is good for two. Lawler suggests that Blayze looks like a horse before the German suplex retains the title at 3:27.

Rating: C-. Nothing to see here, though Kai getting in that much offense was quite the surprise. The problem is that the division was Blayze, Bull Nakano and maybe one or two other women, which didn’t leave many options. Blayze was good, but there was only so much they could do in about three minutes with a cold challenger.

The Fabulous Moolah and Nikolai Volkoff are watching.

Roddy Piper used a fire extinguisher at Wrestlemania V.

Shawn Michaels interrupts an interview with Rhonda Shear, a USA TV host, but Burt Reynolds interrupts and gets the girl. Reynolds seems to have no idea why he’s here.

Tag Team Titles: Men on a Mission vs. Quebecers

The Quebecers, with Johnny Polo (better known for his bird themes such as Scotty Flamingo and Raven), are defending but rapping Oscar is here with Men on a Mission. The champs jump the rather large challengers before the bell to start fast. Mo gets knocked outside but Mable runs the champs over with a double clothesline.

We settle down to Mo crossbodying Pierre for two and Mable drops the leg to make it worse. It’s back to Mo, who gets taken into the corner this time so the stomping can begin. Mo gets sent outside for a dive from Pierre for two back inside. A double hot shot gets the same as Lawler thinks Mabel has gone off to find food. Mo finally scores with a running flip attack but the referee doesn’t see the tag to Mabel.

Pierre misses a top rope legdrop though and the hot tag brings in Mabel to wreck the normal sized humans. A missed charge slows him down and the Quebecers manage a double suplex (Polo approves) to drop the giant. The Cannonball gets two but Mabel is back up with a spinwheel…well leg as his foot didn’t come close to Jacques’ face. An assisted splash crushes Jacques so Polo distracts the referee. Oscar breaks that up as Pierre hits Jacques by mistake. Another assisted splash hits Pierre on the floor and that’s a countout at 7:45.

Rating: C. This wasn’t the best match as Mabel is so big that you can only do so much with him and Mo just wasn’t very good. The Quebecers were a good team but they weren’t exactly miracle workers. Men on a Mission was a fun team just because of how bright and colorful they were, but you’re only able to get so far with this kind of a matchup.

Wrestlemania VI was the Ultimate Challenge, which proved that no one was unbeatable. In other words, pay no attention to that loser about to sign with WCW.

Donnie Wahlberg (of New Kids on the Block) and Rhonda Shear are the ring announcer and timekeeper.

WWF Title: Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger

Luger is challenging and Mr. Perfect is the surprise guest referee (in a referee shirt and matching pants for a different, yet still perfect, look). Yokozuna has Jim Cornette and Mr. Fuji with him for quite the numbers advantage. Vince is doing everything that he can to make fans care about Luger, even calling him the embodiment of the spirit of America. Maybe calling him the embodiment of the spirit of someone who won the WWF Title at some point might help.

They glare at each other to start until Luger starts hammering away. The right hands put Yokozuna on the floor but Luger tosses him back inside, actually having learned his lesson from Summerslam. Back in and Luger goes up (Huh?) for a high crossbody (HUH?) for two, setting up the jumping elbow (which actually connects for a change) for two more. Luger tries a slam but Yokozuna falls onto him for the crash, meaning it’s time to start the slow beatdown.

Yokozuna pulls off the turnbuckle pad and we hit the nerve hold, which means putting his hand on Luger’s neck and not even pretending to squeeze. Luger starts fighting up and elbows his way out, only to get knocked down again. Some hard chops to the neck set up another nerve hold, which goes on for another minute plus before Luger is sent outside. Back in and we hit the nerve hold AGAIN, with Luger giving a look of boredom rather than pain, as this match is so far beyond dead that it’s actively turning into a zombie so it can die again.

Luger fights up and gets knocked down again, setting up the fourth nerve hold in a match that is just over eleven minutes long so far. That one is broken up as well but Yokozuna hits a belly to belly suplex. A missed charge sends Yokozuna into the exposed buckle though and Luger makes the clothesline comeback to put Yokozuna down.

Now the slam works (Lawler: “THAT WAS A HIPTOSS! THAT WAS A HIPTOSS!”) and Luger hits the loaded forearm. Mr. Fuji and Cornette come in but get decked, only to have Mr. Perfect not count with the two of them still in the ring. Luger yells at Perfect and shoves him, which is enough for the DQ at 14:38.

Rating: D-. This was absolutely dreadful and one of the worst major Wrestlemania matches of all time. Yokozuna could barely move and had to go to the same lazy hold four times in less than fifteen minutes. I know he’s huge and can’t move much, but maybe that means it is time for him to figure out something else. That didn’t help things, but it also exposed the other issue with Luger’s big push.

In addition to Yokozuna being terrible, Luger looked AWFUL here, as he did almost nothing but right hands and clotheslines. There are things you can do with an opponent the size of Yokozuna but Luger went as basic as possible, just like he did at Summerslam. At the same time, Luger looked bored out there with almost no charisma or anything close to it. Neither guy was putting in much effort here and it showed badly, as the fans calling the whole thing BS at the end being rather telling.

We go to the back where Mr. Perfect says you can’t touch a referee or you get disqualified. Luger comes in to yell at him but referees separate them. This was supposed to be a long term followup on Luger knocking Perfect out cold last year at Wrestlemania but Perfect left the company before it could go anywhere.

Vince and Lawler talk about the match, with Vince having to acknowledge the BS chants.

There was a blindfold match at Wrestlemania VII. THAT’S the match you pick from that show?

Harvey Wippleman yells at Howard Finkel about being a stupid New Yorker who has big ears and fake hair. He doesn’t like Fink’s suit either and rips it up, so Fink fights back. Cue Adam Bomb to go after Fink, but Earthquake of all people makes the save.

Earthquake vs. Adam Bomb

Powerslam and the Earthquake finishes Bomb at 34 seconds. I’m going to assume this was a time issue.

Jim Cornette isn’t happy with how the match with Luger went but all that matters is who has the belt. He loved Mr. Perfect’s officiating and remember that BOTH PARTIES agreed on the referee choice. As for Bret Hart, what matters is whether he makes it through the match with his career intact. Bret already lost to his brother and has a bad knee but he still has to face this monster. Cornette knew how to hype someone up like few others could.

Wrestlemania VIII had an Undertaker….something. No match or opponent is mentioned, but he sure was there.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Shawn Michaels

Ramon is defending and the title is hanging above the ring, because this is the ladder match. Ring announcer: “There are NO RULES.” He then explains how you win the title, which sounds a lot like rules. This is fallout from Shawn being suspended while still champion and being stripped of the title. Ramon won it, but then Shawn came back and said he was the real champion. Therefore, hang them both above the ring and see who can pull them down. Diesel is here with Shawn, meaning Razor has to keep glancing down at him.

Ramon blocks an early hiptoss attempt and hits a hard chokeslam (Razor was one of the first to really use that around here and it’s never remembered). Shawn comes right back with a running neckbreaker and starts hammering away as the cameraman has to avoid a referee. A charging Razor is sent outside where Diesel gets in a clothesline, which earns him an ejection. The camera stays on Diesel all the way to the entrance and we come back to Shawn getting flipped upside down in the corner.

A hard clothesline puts Shawn on the floor and it’s time to pull back the ring mats. That takes too long though and Shawn is back in with some stomping. Razor isn’t having that and punches him in the face, but the Razor’s Edge over the top is countered with a backdrop to the floor onto the exposed concrete. With Ramon down holding his arm, Shawn goes to get the first ladder, which is baseball slidden into Razor’s ribs.

Back in and Shawn drives the ladder into the ribs and then slams it onto Ramon’s back to keep him in trouble. Shawn makes the first climb so razor pulls his tights down on the way up for the save. Since that’s a bit embarrassing, Shawn kicks him down and drops the elbow to put Ramon back down. Shawn goes up the ladder and dives off with a splash for one of the most famous shots in company history.

Another climb is broken up as Razor goes simple by shoving it over. Back up and they collide for a double knockdown and a much needed breather (at least for Shawn, as Razor has mainly just been getting beaten up). Razor is fine enough to throw Shawn into the ladder in the corner for a crash to the floor, but instead of climbing, Razor drives the ladder into Shawn into the post. It works so well that he does it again and then catapults Shawn into the ladder, sending it crashing back down onto Michaels for a good looking bump.

Back in and Razor BLASTS HIM in the face with the ladder, knocking Michaels outside again. Shawn breaks that up as well but this time the ladder falls down onto him, which is quite the punishment. They both go up so Razor backdrops him over the top, only to fall as well, with the ladder bending underneath him. Shawn dropkicks the ladder to make another save and then gets smart by shoving the ladder onto Razor.

Back up again and Shawn hits a superkick, setting up another hard piledriver. Shawn heads to the top and rides the ladder down onto Razor’s in another famous shot before setting the ladder up again. That takes too long though and Razor shoves it over, with Shawn’s leg getting tied in the ropes. That’s enough for Razor to go up and pull down the titles for the win at 18:51.

Rating: A+. I could go with “it’s the ladder match” as the explanation here and it would be completely covered, but this is again almost all about Shawn, as it should be. When you look back at the whole thing, there are only a few big Razor bumps or spots at all. The rest is Shawn doing things to Razor, who is mainly laying there. Razor got the title, but Shawn got the glory and fame here, which is how it should be. This is the match that really put Shawn on the map and my goodness it is easy to see why, as he was a human pinball who made this look flawless. I would tell you it’s great, but again, it’s the ladder match.

IRS, the Headshrinkers, Rick Martel and Adam Bomb argue about who the captain is going to be in their ten man tag. Somehow, this results in the match being postponed to Raw in a few weeks.

Ted DiBiase meets the Clinton impersonator but Clinton doesn’t want to talk politics.

Wrestlemania IX was outside and Yokozuna cheated to win the WWF Title. And nothing else happened after that.

Video on Bret Hart, set to Making Some Noise by Tom Petty.

Video on Yokozuna.

It’s time for the main event so Jenny Garth is timekeeper and a seemingly hammered Burt Reynolds is guest ring announcer.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

Yokozuna, again with Jim Cornette and Mr. Fuji, is defending and the guest referee this time is….Roddy Piper. Bret even sells the leg from earlier in the night on his way to the ring, with Yokozuna jumping him on the way in. The slow beating is on, with Yokozuna hammering him down and then standing around for a bit. Yokozuna cuts off the comeback attempt and chokes in the ropes, earning a tongue lashing from Piper.

Bret fights back again with a headbutt, which actually puts Yokozuna down, albeit after some staggering. Cornette pulls Piper out at two so Piper drops him with as much effort as you would expect. The delay lets Yokozuna knock Bret over again and the legdrop lands right on his face. Back up and Yokozuna very, very slowly hammers on Bret in the corner, only to miss the big charge.

Bret slugs away and drops the middle rope elbow, setting up the running clothesline for two. A middle rope….something is pulled out of the air to set up the belly to belly and it’s time for the Banzai Drop. That takes a good while to set up though and Yokozuna loses his balance, falling backwards in a big crash. Bret covers and Piper counts rather quickly (so quickly that he doesn’t see Yokozuna’s shoulder being off the mat) for the pin and the title at 10:33.

Rating: C-. It was better than the Luger match because it didn’t go as long, but this was another match where Yokozuna looked like he was gassed after every move. That is the reason you get the title off of him because there isn’t much that can be done with e champion who is virtually immobile after two minutes. Bret didn’t so much win the title as much as he escaped with it, but sometimes that’s all you need to do.

Post match Yokozuna goes after Piper so here is Lex Luger to shake Bret’s hands. Piper comes back as well and here is the locker room, plus the celebrities, to join them. Even Vince and Gorilla Monsoon get in there. Bret is carried on their shoulders….and here is Owen to come out and look at him, with a shake of the head to end the show. That’s great storytelling and something so simple because so many people can relate to it, plus it isn’t some long ago call back that requires some big explanation. Nice job.

Overall Rating: B. This show is kind of fascinating really. the show is beloved and considered a classic, but outside of the opener and the ladder match, the wrestling is ok at best and terrible at worst. It’s a two match show and those two matches are both all timers, but the rest of the show is around a D+. There are some long stretches without anything good going on and that makes this a bit of a chore at times.

Then there is the other part of the show that makes it so well regarded: the show felt important. This felt like a celebration of the history of the biggest WWF show and that was something worth bragging about. At the same time, look at how they celebrated it: a quick look at each of the previous editions and Vince hyping up how important the show is. That’s it. No stadium, no LOOK AT US LOOK AT US LOOK AT US and no ridiculous scripted speeches from commentary with words no one would use. It felt natural but still big, which is something that has been completely lost on WWE over the years.

Overall, this is a special show and something that every fan needs to see at least once, just for the two major matches. Both of them are Wrestlemania moments, but they are about all that is worth watching on the show. I don’t know why Lelani Kai and Earthquake are on a major show in 1994, but that isn’t what people remember. Either way, check this one out if you have the chance, because it still feels special.

Ratings Comparison

Owen Hart vs. Bret Hart

Original: A+
2013 Redo: A+
2015 Redo: A+
2022 Redo: A

Bam Bam Bigelow/Luna Vachon vs. Doink the Clown/Dink

Original: F
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D-
2022 Redo: D+

Randy Savage vs. Crush

Original: C+
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: C+
2022 Redo: C

Alundra Blayze vs. Lelani Kai

Original: D-
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D-
2022 Redo: C-

Men on a Mission vs. Quebecers

Original: F
2013 Redo: F+
2015 Redo: D
2022 Redo: C

Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger

Original: F
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: F
2022 Redo: D-

Earthquake vs. Adam Bomb

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: N/A
2015 Redo: N/A
2022 Redo: N/A

Razor Ramon vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+
2013 Redo: A+
2015 Redo: A+
2022 Redo: A+

Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

Original: C+
2013 Redo: B-
2015 Redo: D+
2022 Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: A
2013 Redo: A-
2015 Redo: B+
2022 Redo: B

This one has actually gone down a bit over the years as the nostalgia might be wearing off a bit.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania IX (2015 Redo): I Guess It Could Be Worse

Wrestlemania IX
Date: April 4, 1993
Location: Caesars Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 16,891
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage

This is one of the weakest cards the series has ever seen. Nothing on the show feels important with the main event of Bret Hart defending the WWF World Title against Royal Rumble winner Yokozuna feeling lukewarm at best. The second biggest match is Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake challenging Money Inc. for the Tag Team Titles. Like I said: not the strongest card. Let’s get to it.

Gorilla Monsoon is the host this year, meaning he’ll be on screen for less than five minutes. Like everyone else, Monsoon is in a toga because it’s a toga party. I’m still not sure who thought this was a good idea.

In one of the major moments of the show, Jim Ross (JR) makes his WWF debut and talks about the main events before taking his place as lead commentator. I really could have gone through life without ever seeing him in a toga.

Finkus Maximus (just go with it) introduces Caesar and Cleopatra on an elephant while JR gives a history of elephants and Rome. This is kind of missing the point of a wrestling show but Randy Savage is brought out on a sedan to make things a bit better. To really cap it off, Heenan comes out riding a camel backwards.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Tatanka

Shawn is defending after winning the title in November and has Luna Vachon, a rather scary woman with several tattoos on her face, trailing behind him. Tatanka is still undefeated and Sherri follows him out but it’s not clear if they’re associated. Heenan: “She’s here to beg Shawn Michaels to take her back!” Savage: “Wrong again camel breath.” Shawn goes for the leg to start but Tatanka kicks him away a few times as Heenan recaps the history here, roughly three minutes after JR did so.

The champ grabs a headlock for a bit before going up top, only to dive into an armdrag. More weak armdrags send Shawn to the mat before he channels his inner Nature Boy with a Flair Flip in the corner. A Tatanka chop knocks him off the apron so Shawn has to go to the eyes (another Flair standard) to get a breather. Things speed up until Shawn charges into an atomic drop and gets caught in a DDT.

Off to an armbar from Tatanka as Shawn apparently came into this with a bad shoulder. Back up and Shawn tries a clothesline but hurts his own arm in the process and it’s right back to the armbar. A charge sends Shawn’s shoulder into the post again and we hit the third armbar in a row. There’s a shoulder breaker but Tatanka doesn’t know how to follow up (Savage: “I would have covered him right there!”) so he goes to the top and dives into a superkick (still not a finish).

Shawn throws him to the floor and hits a great looking clothesline from the apron. It’s time to focus on the women for a bit with Shawn yelling at Sherri, only to turn around and get two off a swinging neckbreaker. Things settle down with a chinlock before Shawn starts firing off left hands as the arm is suddenly fine. Shawn tries a bad looking victory roll for two before going up top again for another victory roll which is countered into an electric chair (they just repeated the spot which always exposes too much).

Tatanka goes on the warpath (his version of Hulking Up) and starts the chops, followed by a catapult into the post as Shawn is now channeling Mr. Perfect. Shawn dives into a powerslam for two and they roll to the floor as the fans chant for Sherri. Heenan doesn’t understand why they’re doing that but his questioning gets cut off as Shawn pulls the referee to the floor. The Papoose To Go (fall away slam) knocks Shawn silly but he’s been disqualified at 18:08.

Rating: B. That’s a very frustrating ending but it makes sense as they wanted to keep the title on Shawn but didn’t want to end Tatanka’s undefeated streak, leaving them with few alternatives. Still though, this was one heck of a match though a bit longer than it needed to be. The shoulder stopped being a thing about halfway through, even though Shawn stopped selling as he was known to do. Tatanka just didn’t have anything past the basics but the fans got behind him due to his charisma, which is all you need most of the time.

Shawn leaves and Luna slams Sherri on the floor.

Recent arrivals the Steiner Brothers say this is their first Wrestlemania but it’s going to be one to be remembered and they’ll make Julius Caesar proud.

Headshrinkers vs. Steiner Brothers

The Headshrinkers are Samu and Fatu (later known as Rikishi) and the Steiners are Rick and Scott, a pair of hard hitting amateur wrestling brothers. At the bell, JR debuts the term slobberknocker to make this one historic. Scott and Fatu get things going with Scott easily taking him down via a nice amateur double leg. Fatu tries to make it into a slugout but Scott just takes his head off with a clothesline. The Headshrinkers double team Scott down so he and Rick get up on the same buckle for stereo top rope clotheslines. That looked awesome.

Things settle down as JR breaks some news about Luna attacking Sherri in the first aid station. Heenan won’t go back to check for an update because the camel is back there. Heenan: “Luna probably worked over the camel too.” Samu’s head cracks off the post and Scott dropkicks Fatu for good measure. Back up and Samu tries a hot shot but drops Scott face first over the top in a sick looking landing.

The Headshrinkers’ manager Afa CRACKS Scott in the back with his staff to keep him in trouble. Fatu’s middle rope headbutt gets two and Scott is almost out of it. The bad beating continues as Fatu sends him into the post, FINALLY drawing Rick over to check on his brother. Back in and Scott makes the eternal mistake of hitting a Samoan in the head, earning him a superkick. Yeah there’s really no defending that. You don’t hit a Samoan in the head.

Samu comes in and rakes the eyes as JR tries to call the match while Heenan argues with Savage. The fans chant for the Steiners as something like the Demolition Decapitator gets two on Scott. Back up and it’s a double clothesline as the announcers argue over what states border Oklahoma. Samu misses a headbutt and Scott finally tags off to Rick for some house cleaning and Samoan suplexing.

JR calls him Dog Face (short for Dog Face Gremlin, Rick’s nickname. That brings up a good sign for Ross. Back in 1993, not everyone would watch both companies, meaning some fans might not realize that JR has called Steiner Brothers matches before. On his first match he knows Rick’s nickname, making him look like he’s done his homework) as he beats up both Headshrinkers but a double headbutt drops Rick with ease.

A double Stroke of all things sets up what looks to be a Doomsday Device but Rick belly to bellys Fatu out of the air for an INSANE counter. I’ve never seen that before or since and it still looked great. Scott tags himself in but eats another superkick, only to come back with a bad Frankensteiner for the pin at 14:22.

Rating: A-. I like this match more every time I watch it as they were beating the fire out of each other here with some of the stiffest shots you’ll find. The Steiners always worked stiff and the Headshrinkers could go step for step with them. Some of the spots here were amazing with that suplex from the shoulders being a major highlight. Awesome, hard hitting match here which never broke down into a brawl.

Call the Hotline!

Doink the Clown (very evil) has desecrated a bust of Julius Caesar but calls it art. We see Doink attacking Crush with a false arm (with Vince shouting that he took his own arm out of the socket until Savage point out that it’s obviously a cast to shut him up) to set up their match tonight. Doink thinks Crush will be seeing double vision.

Crush vs. Doink the Clown

Crush is a now big power guy from Hawaii in bright purple and orange. Doink has an umbrella with him but Crush knocks it out of his hands and rams the clown face first into the post. Some right hands to the face have no effect on Crush so he grabs a neckbreaker and keeps up the beating. Doink finally gets a break by guillotining him across the top rope. A piledriver gets no cover so Doink rams him into the post. Heenan: “Break the pineapple head!”

The Clown makes the eternal mistake of going up top and jumping straight down feet first, allowing Crush to raise a boot and take over again. Crush clotheslines him to the floor and Doink tries to hide under the ring. Amazingly enough a clown isn’t very good at keeping out of sight. Crush drags him back inside but the referee gets bumped.

It’s time for the head vice (Crush’s finisher where he squeezes his opponent’s head like a vice, making it a very appropriate name) but a second Doink pops up with the arm cast to knock Crush silly. The second Doink hides under the ring and the referee wakes up just in time to count the pin on Crush at 8:27.

Rating: D. And the really good match streak ends at two. This was a bizarre choice for a story as Crush would seem to be ready for a big push but he loses to Doink at Wrestlemania. Now to be fair, Doink is a very interesting character when he’s still all evil. Once he turned face as he was destined to do, there was no way he could be anything more than a joke. There’s certainly something interesting about an evil clown (see the Joker) but unfortunately that wasn’t going to last in 1993.

Another referee comes out and looks under the ring but can’t find anyone.

Some Japanese photographers don’t know about Doink but love Yokozuna.

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

Ramon debuted late last year but the crowd is rapidly turning him face. Backlund is an old veteran who is making a nostalgia run and having some good matches despite being in his early 40s and being out of the ring for years. Ever the good sport, Backlund offers a handshake but gets a toothpick to the chest for his efforts. A LOUD Razor chant starts us off as JR hypes up the Hotline. Backlund starts fast by sweeping the leg a few times so Razor punches him in the jaw.

As the match goes on, Savage casually brings up Lex Luger knocking Bret Hart out cold earlier today. So this information has been known all day and it’s just NOW being brought up, an hour into the show? Backlund forearms him down and hooks a nice butterfly suplex, followed by an atomic drop, a high spot for him back in the day. Back up and Bob tries a slam, only to get small packaged for the pin at 3:45.

Rating: D. I guess they haven’t gotten all the filler matches out of their system yet. This was a decent way to showcase Razor but it wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world. Backlund was quite the return story but that’s the best they can do to make Razor look like a big star?

Ad for King of the Ring.

Money Inc. isn’t worried about the Mega Maniacs (Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake with Jimmy Hart, who jumped to yet another team) after crushing Beefcake’s face with their metal briefcase. Hogan has threatened to bankrupt Money Inc. but how do you bankrupt a company with an unlimited credit line? I.R.S. promises to make Beefcake’s face look like a jigsaw puzzle with some missing pieces.

Tag Team Titles: Mega Maniacs vs. Money Inc.

Money Inc is defending and Hogan comes in with a black eye, with explanations ranging from a jet-ski accident (official and most likely story), DiBiase hiring a bunch of people to attack him (storyline story) and Randy Savage punching him in the face over accusations that Hogan was sleeping with Elizabeth when she and Savage were still married (possibly true). Beefcake has a metal mask to protect his face and the team gets a decent but certainly not great reaction.

I.R.S. and Beefcake get things going but the champs are quickly double teaming. DiBiase tries an ax handle to the metal mask and hurts his hand as you would expect. Some rams into the buckle have no effect either. Come on Ted you’re smarter than this. Now we get the tag to Hogan for his first match in a year. He hammers down right hands in the corner, despite having FAR smaller muscles than he did the last time we saw him.

Hogan finally mixes up the offense with a big boot before going back to the right hands. A Piper style poke to the eye is enough to send Money Inc. walking but the referee says if they walk out, the titles change hands. As usual, Hogan has some corrupt official helping him out. Back in again and Heenan gets very close to accusing Savage of having something to do with the black eye.

DiBiase gets in a cheap shot to take over on Hulk, allowing I.R.S. to choke with a tag rope. More choking ensues until we hit the Million Dollar Dream but Hogan seems moderately annoyed by it instead of in any kind of trouble. It’s basically a chinlock with the arm trapped but Savage takes the attention off of it with this gem: “They’re hanging from the rafters……if they had rafters……but I’ll tell you what they have columns and they’re hanging from them!”

Beefcake comes in with his own sleeper to DiBiase for the save as Hogan is actually out from the hold. That’s certainly a new one. Hogan gets up at about nine and the hot tag brings in Beefcake. Well hot is a stretch as the fans don’t seem to care but it’s been a pretty dull match so far. Beefcake cleans house until DiBiase hits him in the back with the metal briefcase.

DiBiase gets smart by taking off Brutus’ mask so Heenan makes face off jokes. A double clothesline puts the champs down but Beefcake puts I.R.S. in the sleeper instead of tagging. DiBiase makes a quick save but the referee gets bumped. The tag brings in Hogan but there’s no one to see it. Hulk comes in anyway and hits both guys with the mask. Jimmy Hart tries to wake up the referee but when that doesn’t work, he turns his jacket inside out to reveal referee stripes and counts the pin to end the match at 18:43.

Rating: D. This was much more long than anything else and the whole thing got stupid at the end. Hogan was WAY past his expiration date at this point and it was pretty clear based on this match. Beefcake wouldn’t wrestle for the company again but naturally Hogan brought him in for the main event of WCW’s biggest show the next year.

Hogan and Beefcake hold up the titles, making them the only two people in the arena stupid enough to think that counts. Another referee comes out and says not quite as Money Inc. wins by DQ. Ever the good losers, Hogan poses to limited cheering but then cracks open the briefcase and gives away the money inside (along with a brick. Why you would need a brick when you have a METAL BRIEFCASE?). So now he’s stealing in addition to looking like a moron with that ending. Hogan is a four time WWF World Champion and now he thinks his manager counting a pin is supposed to change a title? What a hero: a cheating moron.

Singer Natalie Cole gets a nothing interview to say she’s having fun. The CEO of the casino is happy with everything that’s going on.

Mr. Perfect isn’t worried about Lex Luger being a knockout artist with that forearm (which contains a steel plate). He’s been on a roll this week with a hole in one playing golf and he’s been hot at the tables so let’s make it one more win tonight.

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

Luger is still the Narcissist and comes out with some barely clothed women that have the announcers drooling. They trade wristlocks to start and Perfect shoves the much stronger Luger into the corner. A big running knee lift knocks Luger down and a dropkick sends him to the floor as this is almost all Perfect so far.

Back in and Luger sends him into the buckle but Perfect just kind of staggers around. After that awkward selling, Perfect starts going after the knee and slaps on a spinning toehold. Back up and Perfect’s bad back is sent hard into the buckle as this isn’t exactly taking off. A backbreaker keeps Perfect in trouble and Luger rolls him up in the corner for two but gets caught with his feet on the ropes.

Perfect comes back with a sleeper but gets driven back first into the buckle. At least Luger is focusing on a body part and sticking with it. Perfect finally tries his own worst enemy and catapults Luger into the buckle. It doesn’t quite work the same but maybe the idea scared him. A missile dropkick gets two on Luger but he counters a backslide and shoves Perfect’s feet into the ropes for the surprise pin at 10:56.

Rating: D+. And that’s being generous. This really didn’t work as neither guy could get anything going. Perfect was in a weird place here as he was still talented but didn’t really have a character. Luger was just that forearm but would somehow wind up being the co-top hero in the company in just a few months. It didn’t work for either guy here though and the match was pretty boring.

Luger knocks Perfect out and walks off. Perfect slowly gets up and goes after him but gets jumped by Shawn Michaels to start their summer long feud. This triggers a big argument between Savage and Heenan with Macho Man getting up and pointing his finger in Heenan’s face. Believe it or not, Heenan actually doesn’t run away.

Gorilla previews the rest of the show.

Giant Gonzalez vs. Undertaker

Gonzalez is a 7’8 monster (wearing a full body skin colored spandex suit with muscles drawn on and fur at the shoulders) who was brought in by Harvey Wippleman to replace Kamala, who Undertaker dispatched to end 1992. This is the same story that would be used about thirteen years later when Undertaker feuded with Daivari’s lineup of monsters.

Undertaker comes out in a funeral chariot complete with a vulture for his first cool Wrestlemania entrance. Undertaker, a legitimate 6’10, comes up to Gonzalez’s chest. Some big forearms have little effect but Gonzalez is nice enough to sell an uppercut that clearly missed.

A low blow doesn’t have much effect on Undertaker so he comes back with Old School. Undertaker gets thrown around and we hit a standing chinlock. Gonzalez gets bored and throws Undertaker to the floor and then into the steps. The power of the urn gets Undertaker back to his feet and inside but Gonzalez headbutts him right back down. Some awkward strikes stagger the Giant and he goes down to one knee so Harvey throws in a towel with chloroform to knock Undertaker out but it’s an obvious DQ at 7:34.

Rating: F. This was awful and maybe Undertaker’s worst Wrestlemania match ever. Gonzalez was just terrible and made everyone else look bad too because no one could do anything with someone so big and awkward. On top of that, the ending sets up a rematch instead of just ending this lame feud once and for all here like they should have.

Undertaker is stretchered out and Gonzalez lumbers around the ring. Eventually Undertaker’s music plays and he staggers to the ring to clean house.

Call the Hotline!

Gene, after talking about Heenan going to buy new underwear, shows us a clip of Yokozuna crushing Jim Duggan’s ribs. Yokozuna followed it up by winning the Royal Rumble and then crushing WWF World Champion Bret Hart’s ribs at the contract signing. Enough of that though as Gene brings in Hulk Hogan, who has been talking to Bret and assuring him that all the Hulkamaniacs are in his corner. Since he was attacked last night, Hogan wants Bret to make sure he’s watching everyone around him.

Oh and one more thing: Hogan wants the first shot either at Bret or at “the Jap” if he wins the title. As for a prediction, he thinks the title is staying in the USA in the match between a Canadian and a Polynesian wrestler billed from Japan. As usual, Hulk never was one for the most in depth thinking in the world.

Todd Pettengill (a very stupid interviewer) interviews some frat boys.

WWF World Title: Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

The 505lb Yokozuna is challenging and has Mr. Fuji in his corner. The announcers have spent most of the show talking about how Bret is the huge underdog after being knocked out by Luger, sat on by Yokozuna and then just being in trouble against the monster in general. Bret charges across the ring for a running dropkick and some right hands, only to have Yokozuna shove him down and shoulder him out to the floor.

Yokozuna tries to kick the champ while he’s down but Bret grabs the foot and ties him up in the ropes to get the big man down. Bret fires off more right hands and drops a middle rope elbow until the referee breaks Yokozuna free. The big man is up and slams Bret with ease before dropping a huge leg/various other parts on Bret’s face for no cover. The fans chant USA to support the Canadian so Yokozuna chokes him down before switching to a nerve hold.

Back up and Bret gets his feet up in the corner, setting up something like a middle rope bulldog for two. That earns the champ a superkick and another nerve hold to continue boring the crowd. Heenan points out the stupidity of the USA chants as Bret fights up and gets a better middle rope bulldog for another two.

A pair of clotheslines put Yokozuna down for half a second so Bret punches away in the corner. Yokozuna shoves him so hard that the turnbuckle pad is pulled off, only to have Bret ram the monster face first into it. The Sharpshooter actually goes on but Fuji throws salt in his eyes, giving Yokozuna the pin and the title at 8:56.

Rating: D+. They did what they could do here but the story of “Bret is going to get killed” is about as lame of a way to set up a title match as you can get. Bret was hammering away with everything he had but like Gonzalez (albeit a much better version), there’s only so much that could be done here, especially when you’re an average size guy like Hart. This could have been much worse but it still wasn’t much to see.

Hogan is here IMMEDIATELY after the match to plead Bret’s case. You know, like all the other times Bret and Hogan have been such great friends. Due to reasons of extreme overconfidence and stupidity, Fuji is willing to give Hogan a shot RIGHT NOW. Bret gives his blind blessing and we’re off.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna

Fuji throws salt in Yokozuna’s face by mistake (with the referee just watching) and it’s a clothesline and the legdrop to give Hogan the pin and the title at 28 seconds.

Hogan celebrates as Bret is completely forgotten to end the show. That would be Hogan’s last singles match until early June because he took seven weeks off before coming back to do tag matches with Beefcake against Money Inc. But hey, it’s another title win.

Overall Rating: D. This is actually a tricky one to grade. The show only runs about two hours and forty five minutes and the first fifty minutes are excellent stuff with two good to very good opening matches. I can’t call a show with an opening third that solid a failure by any means so the show gets some big points there.

That being said, the rest of the show goes off a cliff with the best match being the main event, which really isn’t any good and clocks in as the shortest announced Wrestlemania main event in history. Couple that with Hogan sneaking in to take the title in an ending that wasn’t the most popular in the world and you don’t have a great title picture going forward.

The word picture is appropriate here as well as this show doesn’t look like a Wrestlemania is supposed to. Instead of the biggest show of the year, this felt like a random pay per view in the mid to late summer, which actually would have helped it a lot. The outside venue is cool but it feels like a fun show rather than something big and epic like the show at Madison Square Garden or the shows in big stadiums.

Overall this show has too many problems working against it. The atmosphere was a failed experiment but the card didn’t do it any favors. Yokozuna was fine as a monster to be slayed but Hogan wasn’t the choice to do it, at least not two minutes after Yokozuna won the title at Wrestlemania. I’m supposed to be impressed that Hogan beat a tired Yokozuna and had to have salt in Yokozuna’s eyes to do it? That’s not a good end to any show but the fact that it was the end of Wrestlemania made it even worse.

Ratings Comparison

Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Steiner Brothers vs. Headshrinkers

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: A-

Doink the Clown vs. Crush

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D+

Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

Original: F+

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: F

Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: F+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

How is this a Wrestlemania?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/16/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-9-wrestlemania-goes-outside/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/18/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-ix-why-would-fuji-do-that/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6