Summerslam Count-Up – 1992 (2020 Redo): Family Matters

Summerslam 1992
Date: August 31, 1992
Location: Wembley Stadium, London, England
Attendance: 80,355
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

Most of the older editions are in need of an update so we’ll knock out this one. This is one of the biggest crowds in wrestling history and they’re in for a pretty major show. We have a double main event of Randy Savage defending the WWF Title against the Ultimate Warrior and the instant classic of Bret Hart vs. British Bulldog for the Intercontinental Title. Guess what’s headlining. Let’s get to it.

Nasty Boys/Mountie vs. Jim Duggan/Bushwhackers

This is a bonus dark match (at least on the American broadcast, though all three on the card aired on the European broadcasts). Jimmy Hart is in the villains’ corner. The fans get their chance to boo/cheer the various teams until the villains jump them from behind. This goes as well as you would expect and the ring is cleared in a hurry. Back in and the Nasty Boys are whipped into each other in the corner, followed by some double clotheslines for a bonus.

Sags beats on Butch for a bit before everything breaks down again. The villains finally get in a cheap shot to take over on Luke and a double boot to the ribs puts him down again. The chinlock goes on and it’s back to Mountie for more stomping. Sags grabs a reverse chinlock, which draws a USA chant as the British fans cheer for a New Zealander.

There’s a knee drop as Heenan goes over the specifics for the WWF rule book (I’d pay money to see that). Luke gets a boot up to knock Sags out of the air though and it’s the hot tag to Duggan to clean house. Everything breaks down and Sags elbows Mountie by mistake, allowing Duggan to get the pin at 12:34.

Rating: C. This is a good example of a case where you need to consider the spot. They weren’t going for anything important here and it wasn’t a match with any story. You had three popular wrestlers facing three villains in an easy match. The fans liked it though and that’s entirely what they were shooting for here. It would have made a fine house show opener and it worked perfectly well here.

Papa Shango vs. El Matador

Another bonus match. Shango jumps him from behind and we’re starting in a hurry. A running crossbody connects in the corner but another charge misses, allowing Matador to hit a clothesline. They head outside with Shango getting posted as Heenan thinks Matador should just give up now.

A top rope clothesline gives Matador two and there’s the flying forearm. Matador’s sleeper is broken up in a hurry and it’s time to choke in the corner. Shango drops an elbow and hits a side slam, only to miss a middle rope elbow. Another flying forearm gives Matador two but he misses a charge into the corner. The shoulder breaker finishes Matador at 6:12.

Rating: C-. Another perfectly watchable match and that’s fine for the spot they were in. Matador was always good for something like this and he could make an up and coming villain like Shango look good. It wasn’t a good match or anything, but they kept it quick and Shango didn’t quite squash him, so it worked out well enough.

Brought to you by ICO PRO. I hope they kept the receipt.

The British fans are VERY happy to have Summerslam here. This includes a kid who says that British Bulldog is going to win, whether he wants to or not. Kid sounds like he has mob connections.

Bobby Heenan has a crown. My day is complete.

Money Inc. vs. Legion of Doom

Money Inc. has Jimmy Hart in their corner but the LOD comes out on their motorcycles in a pretty famous entrance. Now granted that might be because Paul Ellering is with them and he has Rocco the Dummy on the front of his bike. In one of my favorite lines ever, Vince says that the Legion of Doom are known for their psychology in the ring. The jet lag must have gotten to him. DiBiase in white trunks still feels wrong but it isn’t as evil as I remember.

Hawk threatens him to the floor to start and then clotheslines him outside again, this time for another clothesline from Animal. It’s off to Animal for a powerslam and Hawk comes back in with a top rope shot to the arm. Now the fact that Hawk looks like he’s somewhere around Saturn makes that one a little more impressive than it sounds. IRS grabs a sleeper on Hawk but it’s broken up with a drive into the corner. The top rope clothesline misses though and Hawk falls all the way out to the floor. That’s quite the flying leap.

DiBiase comes in for a few shots and it’s already back to IRS for two off an elbow. The chinlock goes on and the villains make some changes without tags (they really should be setting a better example for the foreign fans). Back up and a double clothesline puts both of them down but IRS comes in to choke with the tag rope in the corner. Hawk powers over to the corner but the referee misses the tag (that nitwit).

As tends to be the case, the hot tag goes through a few seconds later and it’s Animal coming in to clean house. It’s a bunch of shoulders and clotheslines as everything breaks down. IRS breaks up the Doomsday Device so Animal goes with a powerslam to finish DiBiase (it wouldn’t surprise me if that was due to being scared of Hawk coming off the top) at 12:00.

Rating: C-. The crowd helped but you could tell that there was something off with the LOD. That being said, it isn’t exactly surprising that Hawk stayed in England and more or less ended the team for the time being. Hawk was a time bomb for a good while and as bad as things went, it could have been a heck of a lot worse.

Ric Flair isn’t happy that he isn’t getting his rematch for the WWF Title because he should be in the ring in the bright lights of London, England. Gene wants to know where Mr. Perfect, Flair’s crony, is, especially with the rumors of Perfect being in the corner of either Randy Savage or the Ultimate Warrior. Flair says Perfect is in the dressing room. Gene: “Whose dressing room???” Flair: “The dressing room of the winner. WOO!” I’ve always liked that one.

Virgil is ready to fight Nailz to avenge his buddy the Big Boss Man. If Virgil is your the best friend you have, getting beaten half to death with a nightstick doesn’t sound too bad.

Nailz vs. Virgil

Nailz gets a jobber entrance for some reason. Probably protecting Virgil’s star power. Nailz takes him into the corner to start and chokes a bit until Virgil hits a dropkick. That doesn’t even put Nailz down (Heenan: “He’s tough as nails!”) and it’s time for more choking. Virgil is sent outside and rammed into the apron. Back in and the standing choke finishes Virgil at 3:19.

Rating: D. This made Summerslam? It felt like something that would be a featured match on Wrestling Challenge at best and that’s hardly the kind of thing that you need to see on one of the biggest (if not the biggest) show of the year. Nothing to see here as Nailz didn’t exactly have the longest shelf life in the world.

Post match Nailz beats Virgil up even more.

Lord Alfred Hayes can’t get into Randy Savage’s dressing room but thinks Mr. Perfect is in there. He’ll keep being annoying until he finds something out.

Sherri doesn’t like the idea of Shawn Michaels and Rick Martel fighting, even though Shawn cost Martel an Intercontinental Title shot. Sherri has been with Shawn for a good while now but has been flirting with Martel. Tonight neither of them are allowed to hit each other in the face, because they’re both too handsome you see. She’ll be standing by her man, which seems to be Shawn as he calls her to go to the ring.

Rick Martel vs. Shawn Michaels

Martel is in tennis gear because it’s what models do. Sherri is with Michaels and brings out a full length mirror as Vince can’t get over the no hitting in the face thing. Vince: “This isn’t the sixth grade!” Indeed. Hitting in the face is a fourth grade thing. Vince also panics over Sherri’s outfit, which is uh, kind of incomplete in certain areas. Sherri takes some extra time disrobing Shawn because….I’m not sure really.

Feeling out process to start with Shawn trying a monkey flip, allowing Martel to cartwheel into some jumping jacks. A dropkick to the face has Sherri nervous but Martel jumps Shawn from behind. The fans seem to be behind Martel, which is rather strange to see. Martel misses a crossbody out of the corner though and the fans calm down a bit. Back up and Martel teases a right hand but stops himself and throws Shawn over the top instead. Martel takes him back inside for a backdrop and more jumping jacks but Shawn reverses an O’Connor roll for two.

After both guys pull their gear back up (with Vince and Bobby making the usual jokes), it’s Shawn getting a knee up to stop a charge in the corner. Now they trade rollups again and it’s time to get serious. They slap each other in the face, drawing Sherri to the apron for a lot of screaming….and some fainting. Shawn goes to check on her and Sherri falls out to the floor, where Martel knocks Shawn away. He gives her CPR but Shawn starts the fist fight for the double countout at 8:09, which draws Sherri back to life.

Rating: C. This was a lot different than most matches you’ll see and it worked out pretty well. It was certainly a unique way to go and given who was in there, it is hardly a surprise that they had a decent match. The Sherri stuff was interesting, though given that Shawn was supposed to headline the show, it is a bit of a downgrade.

Post match Sherri faints again so Shawn comes back to carry her away. Martel breaks that up as well, and Sherri falls down in a heap. Shawn jumps Martel again and Sherri crashes again, allowing Shawn to get her….most of the way back, until Martel finds a bucket of water and throws it on Sherri, who storms off on her own.

The Nasty Boys laugh at what happened to Sherri but are more interested in watching Savage and Warrior destroy each other. Now where is their title shot? Jimmy Hart sounds rather nervous about that question.

Tag Team Titles: Beverly Brothers vs. Natural Disasters

The Brothers are challenging and have the Genius in their corner. They jump the massive champs to start and are quickly sent into each other for a quick crash. We settle down to Typhoon missing a legdrop on Blake as everything breaks down again. Earthquake splashes typhoon in the corner by mistake, but Typhoon launches Beau to the floor on a kickout. After finding out that SHAWN MICHAELS HAS LEFT WEMBLEY STADIUM, the Beverly Blast keeps Typhoon in trouble.

A headbutt gets two as it’s strange to see someone this big taking a longer form beating. Typhoon drives over for the tag but of course the referee doesn’t see it. How do referees not get fired more often for being so inept? Typhoon gets in a double clothesline but Beau distracts Earthquake, allowing Blake to get in a shot with the metal scroll. Since Earthquake is about 28% smarter than anyone in the match, he decks Blake before the cover, allowing the hot tag to Typhoon. A belly to belly suplex plants Beau and a double shoulder puts the Brothers down. The powerslam sets up the Earthquake to retain at 10:25.

Rating: D. This was as good as the Natural Disasters vs. the Beverly Brothers for ten minutes was going to be. The Brothers were just such worthless goofs and no one bought them as a threat to the champs. The Disasters on the other hand actually felt like a team who could destroy almost anyone and it was going to take more than a couple of goofs like these two to beat them.

The Bushwhackers don’t know anything about a dentist selling them a London Bridge, but they are going to a meal at Buckingham Palace. Royal sardines are on the menu and they might get to sit on the throne. These two are just goofy fun, even though they outlived their usefulness.

Hayes thinks Perfect is in Ultimate Warrior’s dressing room but still can’t get in.

Crush vs. Repo Man

This was when Crush was on the verge of becoming the company’s breakout star but it never quite got there. Or anywhere close for that matter. Repo jumps him from behind to start but gets gorilla pressed without much effort. A backbreaker puts Repo on the floor and then Crush adds a one handed backbreaker just to show off.

As commentary talks about the WWF Title match coming up next (and nearly apologizing for making us wait so long), Crush misses a top rope knee. A faceplant gives Repo two but the kickout puts Repo on the floor. Back in and Repo dives into a powerslam, setting up the head vice for the win at 4:03.

Rating: D+. Another fast match that feels like a way to extend the show longer than it needs to be. That’s what happens when you have a two match card, but Crush was a popular guy at this point and it makes sense to feature him on a show like this. Repo Man was always good for a job and it was a quick enough squash that it wasn’t exactly worthless.

Gene throws us to a package on Savage vs. Warrior. The match was signed with Savage summing up the issue rather well: “I’M THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION AND YOU’RE NOT!” Then Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect made it clear that they weren’t happy with Flair not being in the title match and teased that they were working with both of them. The mind games were on hard and the question was who be joining forces with Perfect and Flair here. That’s quite the intriguing question, and a good way to go for something like this.

Heenan insists that he doesn’t know who sold out but Vince doesn’t believe him.

WWF Title: Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

Savage is defending and there is no sign of Flair and/or Perfect. Warrior always looked really weird in that singlet. They go nose to nose to start and shove each other away as the fans are WAY into this. Warrior shoves him down without much effort but Savage is back with a pair of clotheslines for one. Savage goes up top in a hurry but gets punched out of the air just as fast. A pair of delayed atomic drops have Savage in more trouble and a clothesline gets two.

Savage isn’t having that and punches him down, setting up a quickly broken sleeper. Warrior unloads with right hands in the corner and stomps Savage down, followed by another hard clothesline. A pull of the tights sends Warrior into the buckle though and a clothesline puts Warrior on the floor. The fans don’t like that one but Savage doesn’t seem to mind.

Back in and a pair of top rope ax handles to Warrior’s head gets two but the third is pulled out of the air for a backbreaker. The hard whips into the corner set up a bearhug for all of two seconds. Savage gets two off a small package and a swinging neckbreaker gives him a breather. Savage’s back gives out on a suplex attempt and even Warrior is smart enough to know what to do here.

A suplex makes the back worse and gets another two as they’re a little more spent than they should be after less than thirteen minutes. Warrior misses a clothesline and gets low bridged to the floor, allowing Savage to hit a top rope ax handle. There’s a ram into the steps and another into the post but Savage can’t hit a piledriver back inside.

Cue Perfect and Flair as NOW things are going to get interesting. Warrior hits a slam to damage the back again, but the splash hits knees. There’s the required double clothesline and they’re both down again. Savage is up first and glares down at Perfect and Flair, allowing Warrior to lift him up for some choking. The ref gets bumped (SHOCKING!) and it’s Warrior going up for his own ax handle.

That’s good for a very delayed two and Warrior is annoyed at the count. Warrior getting annoyed at things isn’t exactly surprising. Savage hits a piledriver but has to get the referee off the floor. During the delay, which takes quite a bit of time, Perfect comes in and holds Warrior for an illegal object shot from Flair. Somehow Savage doesn’t see that and hits the elbow, but the referee is STILL groggy so the two is delayed again. Sweet goodness get tougher referees.

Warrior starts shaking the ropes and Heenan knows what that means for Savage. There’s the flying shoulder but Perfect distracts the referee, allowing Flair to hit Warrior in the back with a chair. Savage gets that something is up and doesn’t want it that way so he kicks at Perfect. He goes up anyway and then dives at Flair, who uses the chair to blast Savage’s knee, which is enough for the countout at 26:16.

Rating: B+. This was like an amazing setup to a joke but then they forgot the punchline at the end. Allegedly the original plan called for Warrior to turn but he wouldn’t go for it, which I can understand in a way. What we got was really good, though the ending was lacking just enough to pull things down. Flair and Perfect offered some great drama though, and that’s most of what they needed to do.

Post match Flair and Perfect stay on Savage’s knee, including the Figure Four. Warrior makes the save with the chair. Warrior helps Savage up and everything is cool. The knee injury would wind up costing Savage the title, with Flair winning it a few days later.

Perfect and Flair have a plan B and they’ll get the title back.

Undertaker vs. Kamala

Dr. Harvey Wippleman introduces Kamala, who also has Kim Cheer with him. The double manager thing is completely outclassed by Paul Bearer, who leads a hearse with Undertaker standing in the back to the ring. Not quite as awesome as some he would hit later, but good for early Undertaker. We get a little change of pace here as Undertaker chokes him into the corner to start and hits Old School (assuming it’s old less than two years into his run).

Another attempt is broken up thanks to a Wippleman distraction and Kamala clotheslines him to the floor, with undertaker landing on his feet. A ram into the steps doesn’t do much damage so it’s back inside for more chopping. Undertaker is fine enough for a chokeslam, but Kim Chee comes in with the pith helmet (get a chair dude) for the DQ at 3:40.

Rating: D-. I’m thinking this got cut short on time or something because what in the world is the point of a big entrance like that for a three and a half minute match? Then again, was anyone buying Kamala as a major threat? Maybe back in 1986 but against Undertaker? It really was a weird time for Undertaker as he was one of the bigger stars around but there was no one for him to fight. That would wind up being the case for years until Mankind showed up in 1996 as a totally different kind of threat.

Post match Kamala hits a bunch of splashes, including one from the top. Undertaker sits up anyway. But yeah, Kamala was a total threat here.

British Bulldog is ready to fight for the title, even though he is worried about what the whole ordeal has done to his family. He hopes the families reunite after the match, but it’s a dream to be here with no pressure.

Bret Hart knows how to wrestle under pressure and wants Bulldog to look him in the face and say he doesn’t know him. Bulldog doesn’t seem to remember Bret introducing him to his sister. Maybe Bulldog’s dream will wind up being a nightmare.

A Scottish band called the Balboa Highlanders performs Scotland the Brave and here’s Roddy Piper to play with them in a surprise cameo. Heenan is disappointed with the lack of break dancing.

Tatanka vs. Berzerker

Final bonus match and Berzerker has Mr. Fuji with him. They go with the test of strength to start and Tatanka shoves him over the top in a surprise power display. Back in and they chop it out until Berzerker misses a dropkick. Tatanka charges into a boot in the corner though and Berzerker grabs a World’s Strongest Slam.

They head outside with Tatanka being slammed on the floor and it’s back inside. Make that outside again as Tatanka clotheslines him over the top and hits his own slam on the floor. Serves the Minnesota viking (….hey) right. Back in and some chops set up a top rope chop into the Papoose To Go to finish Berzerker at 5:03.

Rating: D+. This was the weakest of the three bonus matches and I can see why it was cut from the pay per view. Granted they probably needed something for some breathing room between the show’s three big matches. These two were as stereotypical as you could get, but they weren’t out there long and the ending was clean so it’s hard to complain that much.

Sean Mooney talks to Diana Smith at ringside and she sounds as emotional as….I’ve heard more intense grilled cheese orders. She wants everything to work out but she’s on the front line with both her brother and husband.

Intercontinental Title: Bret Hart vs. British Bulldog

Bret is defending and you might have heard of this one before. Bulldog has British boxing champion Lennox Lewis carrying the flag to the ring. Bret gets quite the reaction as well but I think you know who the face is here. The bell rings and after the handing out of the sunglasses, we’re ready to go. They go nose to nose to start and Bret shoves him away, so Bulldog shoves him a little bit harder. A hard shoulder puts Bret on the floor and it’s time to rethink things a bit.

Back in and Bret headlock takeovers him down before hitting an uppercut (Heenan: “Right in the old fish and chips.”). Bulldog reverses an armbar into one of his own and then catapults Bret face first into the corner. A lifting armbar doesn’t quite work so it’s a crucifix for two on Hart instead. We’re right back to the armbar as Heenan does his old “the crowd is so loud I can’t hear commentary” deal.

Back up and Bret knees him in the ribs, much to the fans’ disapproval. The chinlock doesn’t last long either so Bret hits a backbreaker and grabs it again. That’s broken up and Bulldog hits a monkey flip, only to charge into a boot in the corner. The bulldog hits the Bulldog and Bret goes up, earning himself a slam back down (How do you make that mistake on a show with Flair?). Bret sends him outside and hits a slingshot dive, landing on a completely unprepared Bulldog, nearly breaking his back in the process.

The Russian legsweep gives Bret two and he hammers away with right hands. We’re back to the chinlock (with Bret’s back to the camera, showing he doesn’t understand wrestling), followed by the snap suplex and another chinlock. Bulldog grabs a quick backslide for two in the hope spot but Bret is right back with the middle rope elbow. We’re back to the chinlock, which is switched into a sleeper to put Bulldog in even more trouble. Bulldog grabs the rope and Bret grabs the sleeper again as things go right back down.

That’s broken up and they slug it out, with Bulldog trying a gorilla press and dropping Bret HARD onto the ropes for a scary crash. Three clotheslines give Bulldog two and it’s a gorilla press into the delayed suplex for the same. Bret is back with a German suplex for the same, as Bobby insists that Ric Flair could kick out of all of this of course.

Bulldog crotches him on top and hits a top rope superplex (without much elevation, which isn’t a good thing) for the next near fall. There’s a double clothesline and they’re both down, but Bret ties the legs together into the Sharpshooter (always cool). The rope is grabbed so Bret tries a sunset flip, only to have Bulldog sit down on it for the pin, the title, and one of the all time loud roars at 25:14.

Rating: A+. Yeah what else is there to say here? It’s a masterpiece, and mainly because of Hart. Bulldog was infamously out of it throughout the match and had to be told what to do every step of the way. It is an amazing match and probably Bret’s all time performance, which is probably why he was WWF Champion before the end of the year. Great stuff here and I’m sure you know that already.

Post match Bret isn’t happy but eventually shakes his hand. Diana comes in to join them to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. There’s a lot of bad on the show but the bad matches are mostly short and the two great ones are both rather long. Those are more than enough to carry the show and the huge atmosphere are more than enough to carry to a high level. It’s an excellent show and easily the biggest Summerslam ever. Now go back to England again for another big pay per view already. It’s not like it’s hard to make it work these days.

Ratings Comparison

Jim Duggan/Bushwhackers vs. Mountie/Nasty Boys

Original: B

2013 Redo: C+

2020 Redo: C

Papa Shango vs. Tito Santana

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2020 Redo: C-

Tatanka vs. Berzerker

Original: C

2013 Redo: D

2020 Redo: D+

Legion of Doom vs. Money Inc.

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C-

2020 Redo: C-

Nailz vs. Virgil

Original: C

2013 Redo: F

2020 Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. Rick Martel

Original: B

2013 Redo: D+

2020 Redo: C

Beverly Brothers vs. Natural Disasters

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2020 Redo: D

Repo Man vs. Crush

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D

2020 Redo: D+

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

Original: A

2013 Redo: B+

2020 Redo: B+

Kamala vs. Undertaker

Original: C

2013 Redo: D

2020 Redo: D-

British Bulldog vs. Bret Hart

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2020 Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: A+

2013 Redo: B+

2020 Redo: B

Close enough.

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Summerslam Count-Up – 1991 (2013 Redo): It’s His Time

Summerslam 1991
Date: August 26, 1991
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Roddy Piper, Gorilla Monsoon

This is a show that almost no one remembers other than one match. The main event is Hogan/Warrior vs. Slaughter/Adnan/Mustafa, which would have been a much better match a few months ago when Slaughter was still a threat. Other than that we have the wedding of Savage and Miss Elizabeth who reunited at Wrestlemania VII in one of the best moments in company history. Let’s get to it.

We open with Savage in the back getting ready while Alfred Hayes asks him questions. Savage says that he’s ready and in the danger zone, but HAYES’ TIE IS CROOKED. “NOW YOU’RE OK AND IT’S TIME TO GO CHECK MY BABY BLUE EYES!”

We get the regular intro with the theme of a match made in Heaven and a match made in Hell.

Ricky Steamboat/British Bulldog/Texas Tornado vs. Warlord/Power and Glory

Steamboat is just The Dragon here, complete with what looks like a lizard man costume and breathing fire. The heels get the jobber entrance and have Slick with them. Steamboat and Roma get things going as Gorilla is listing off the rest of the card. Roma slams him down and mostly misses a dropkick before posing. Paul goes to the middle rope but dives into the armdrag and Steamboat cranks on the arm even more. Ricky hits a much better dropkick to put Roma in the corner for a tag to Hercules who gets caught in some armdrags of his own.

Off to Tornado and the fans go nuts as he rams Herc’s head into the buckle. Ten right hands to the head in the corner have Hercules in even more trouble but it’s off to Warlord vs. Bulldog which was a decent power feud. Bulldog hits the suplex for two and it’s off to Steamboat for a top rope chop to the head. Warlord blocks a monkey flip though and it’s back to Roma with a suplex of his own for two. Three straight backbreakers have Steamboat in even more trouble before it’s back to Hercules for a gorilla press.

Steamboat starts fighting back but gets caught in a big hotshot to put him down. Here’s Warlord again but he dives into two feet from Steamboat, allowing for the tag off to Tornado. The Texan cleans house but makes a blind tag to Bulldog who hits a cross body. That plus the Tornado Punch to Warlord is good for two as everything breaks down. Bulldog powerslams Roma down and Ssteamboat adds the high cross body for the pin.

Rating: C+. Nothing wrong with this as it was a basic six man tag to fire up the crowd. Everyone looked fine and the crowd was WAY into the smark god known as Ricky Steamboat. The heels were all about to be gone from the company with only Warlord making it to 1992.

Sean Mooney says to call some hotline to hear prerecorded comments from Liz and Savage!

Mr. Perfect says he’s an awesome champion.

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Perfect vs. Bret Hart

Perfect has been champion since last November so he’s a pretty big deal. He also has his Coach (former wrestler John Tolos) with him. Stu and Helen Hart are in the audience to watch their son. Feeling out process to start with Bret scoring first by hip tossing Perfect to the floor. Back in and Bret grabs a headlock followed by a crucifix for two. Bret puts the headlock on again as Heenan and Piper are going to war on commentary. Gorilla: “WILL YOU STOP???”

Perfect grabs at the hair to escape and chops Bret’s chest off. A slam puts Bret down but he kicks Perfect away and slams him down, only to have Perfect kick him right back. Bret is all like screw this wrestling stuff and clotheslines Perfect to the floor. The champ tries to run but Bret throws him back in and the dude in pink is mad. Perfect gets in a HARD kick to the ribs and Bret is sent to the floor where Coach whistles at him.

Bret tries to get up but is knocked off the apron and right on top of a production guy who has a very confused look on his face. Back in and Bret jumps over Perfect in the corner and gets two off a rollup. The fans are WAY into this so far. Perfect sends Bret chest first into the buckle to take over again as Heenan is starting to lose his marbles. Another hard whip into the buckle gets two for the champion followed by the Hennig neck snap for two more.

Hart is sent to the floor for a bit and they both come back in on the top. It’s Bret crashing down to the mat to give Perfect two as Heenan is thinking Perfect should get himself disqualified. The champ hooks a sleeper but Bret fights up into a crucifix, only to be dropped down into a Samoan drop for two. The PerfectPlex looks to finish Bret but it only gets two, sending MSG into delirium.

Back up and Bret fights back, sending Perfect across the ring and crotch first into the post. A suplex and small package get two each for Bret and it’s Five Moves of Doom time. Bret yells at the referee and gets rolled up for two before Bret starts going after the knee. He loads up the Sharpshooter but he has to knock Coach to the floor. The distraction lets Perfect get in a shot to take over. Perfect drops a leg between Bret’s legs but as he tries it again, Bret grabs the leg and puts the Sharpshooter on from his back. He turns the hold over and Perfect submits really fast but it’s good for Bret’s first singles title.

Rating: A. Oh come on it’s Bret vs. Perfect from Summerslam 91. Do I really need to explain this one? It’s one of the best matches of all time and holds up over twenty years later. The counter by Bret is a great way to show how solid of a mat wrestler he was. Kicking out of the PerfectPlex was the perfect idea as Bret took the champ’s best shots and still won. It’s still excellent and required viewing for wrestling fans.

Bret celebrates with his parents.

The Bushwhackers are ready for the Natural Disasters and Andre is ready for Earthquake, the man who broke his leg a few weeks back.

Natural Disasters vs. Bushwhackers

Andre looks terrible here and would be dead in less than 18 months. The Whackers sneak up on the big men on the floor and poke them in the eyes. We finally start with Butch vs. Typhoon and the big man being bitten on the trunks. Earthquake tries to come in but splashes his own partner by mistake. A double clothesline puts Quake down and the Bushwhackers are in full control.

Earthquake finally realizes he weighs more than both Bushwhackers put together and pounds Butch down with a few shots to the back. Heenan makes an obscure Newhart reference as Quake slams Butch into the corner but misses an elbow drop to the back. The second attempt connects though and it’s off to Typhoon for more fat man offense.

Off to an over the shoulder backbreaker on Butch which transitions into a bearhug by Earthquake. Heenan leaves to go find Hogan and embarrass him which we’ll get to later. Quake finally hits Typhoon with a clothesline by mistake as everything breaks down. The Bushwhackers hit Battering Rams on both Disasters but it’s finally the big men crushing Luke and the Earthquake for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was a waste of time and everyone knew it was going to be from the moment the bell rang. The Bushwhackers were the epitome of comedy bumpkins and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not sure why they picked them of all teams for Andre to back and the match was horrible.

Post match the Disasters go after Andre but the LOD comes out for the save. This was Andre’s last appearance for the company.

Heenan goes to Hogan’s dressing room with the NWA World Title to issue a challenge. “Hogan” (you never see him) opens the door and slams it in Heenan’s face. For the life of me I can’t get over seeing that belt in the WWF.

Virgil recaps his feud with DiBiase. You’re probably familiar with this one: Virgil was his bodyguard for years but at the Rumble, DiBiase pushed him just once too often and Virgil snapped. DiBiase lost to Virgil via countout at Wrestlemania and tonight it’s a rematch with the Million Dollar Title on the line.

Million Dollar Title: Ted DiBiase vs. Virgil

This is one of the very rare defenses of this title. DiBiase has Sensational Sherri with him. Piper is Virgil’s mentor so the commentary is going to be rather slanted. Virgil starts fast and hits three straight clotheslines to send DiBiase out to the floor. Heenan is back on commentary but doesn’t want to talk about Hogan. Virgil misses a dive to the floor and DiBiase sends him into the steps to keep him down. Back inside and Ted is in full control but he brags too much and gets caught in the Million Dollar Dream. The fans go nuts but Sherri comes in and blasts Virgil with her loaded purse for the DQ.

Rating: D. Actually hang on a minute.

The referee says the match MUST continue, sending Sherri to the back and Roddy into delirium. Virgil pounds on DiBiase in the corner but since he doesn’t have much experience he can’t do anything. He tries to whip DiBiase across the ring but gets countered into a ref bump to put both guys down. Ted yells at Piper like the true heel that he is before suplexing Virgil down. A piledriver lays Virgil out but sicne there’s no referee, DiBiase rips the turnbuckle off instead. Ted yells at Piper once too often though, allowing Virgil to ram him into the buckle twice for the pin and the title. Piper goes NUTS.

Rating: D+. This is a good example of a match where the crowd and announcing make it much better than it would have been otherwise. Virgil just wasn’t that good and this was his one and only storyline with the company due to there being nothing else to his character. How the guy kept a job for so many years with both WWF and WCW is beyond me.

The Mountie is ready for his Jailhouse Match with Boss Man. We get a clip of him shocking a handcuffed Boss Man from a few weeks ago. Moutnie insults the New York cops who take the loser to jail later tonight.

Boss Man says Mountie is going to jail tonight.

Mountie vs. Big Boss Man

Mountie talks trash to start so Boss Man punches him in the mouth to take over. They slug it out with Boss Man hitting a back elbow and a splash for two. Boss Man hits his running crotch attack to the back of Mountie’s neck followed by the sliding uppercut. Mountie dives into a good looking spinebuster for two but Boss Man chases Jimmy Hart instead of following up, earning him a trip into the steps.

Back in and Boss Man misses a splash in the corner as Heenan says it’s not Mayberry for the Boss Man tonight. Mountie gets two each off some elbows and a dropkick but the kickout sends him to the floor. He pulls Boss Man to the floor as Gorilla calls Jimmy a walking advertisement for birth control. Back in and they slug it out with Mountie hitting a piledriver for no cover. Instead Mountie gets his shock stick but only hits the mat. A hard uppercut sets up the Boss Man Slam for two (I don’t remember anyone not named Hogan kicking out of that) before another piledriver attempt is countered into an Alabama Slam to end Mountie.

Rating: D+. I’ve seen far worse and Boss Man’s high impact offense is always worth a look. This is the perfect blowoff to the feud which is something you rarely see anymore. Today feuds just keep going with some random gimmick match which may or may not fit the feud. This was the logical ending to it and it was tailor made for the blowoff. Why thy don’t do this anymore is beyond me.

Mountie is dragged away by cops.

DiBiase goes on a huge rant about the title, saying that Virgil stole it and he’ll get it back.

Bret says this is the best day of his career and he waited a long time to prove how great he is. I’m pretty sure we’re in intermission.

The Natural Disasters are going to eat the Legion of Doom for dinner.

Boss Man asks Sean Mooney what kind of bird can’t fly. A jailbird of course. He brags about winning a bit more.

Savage is nervous for the wedding.

Speaking of the wedding, here’s the phone number again, complete with a countdown clock for a five minute intermission. Seriously they just count down five minutes of dead air time. AND THIS WAS ON THE HOME VIDEO.

Mountie arrives at the jail and shouts that the cops can’t do this to him because HE’S THE MOUNTIE! He tries to read the cops their rights and gets thrown in a cell.

Jimmy Hart is panicking while his Nasty Boys are read for the LOD. It’s a street fight later tonight.

Mountie is tricked into having his picture taken.

The Legion of Doom wants the tag titles. Hawk says once they win the belts they’re going to chew up the Natural Disasters and spit them out “like the tartar that sticks to your teeth.”

Mountie yells about having being fingerprinted. These bits are so overblown that they’re hilarious.

Sgt. Slaughter and his cronies are excited about having a 3-2 advantage. Slaughter says he might have a surprise for later.

Sid Justice, the referee for the main event tonight, says that he’ll call it down the middle. Gene shows us a video of Slaughter and company offering Sid a spot on the team but Sid says they stopped him but he turned them down.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Legion of Doom

The Nasties are defending and this is No Countout/No DQ, making it a street fight in modern terms. The champions are sent to the floor and the fight is on early. Back in the ring Animal hits a quick powerbomb on Knobbs for two followed by Hawk enziguring Sags down. We get down to the stupid tagging part of the street fight with Sags sending Hawk to the floor and hitting him with a bucket of water.

Back in and Knobbs works over Hawk in the corner before Sags sends him into the steps. A back elbow gets two for Knobbs and a top rope version gets the same for Sags. Brian goes up top again but jumps into Hawk’s boot, finally allowing for the hot tag off to Animal. Everything breaks down and Sags hits Animal in the back with Jimmy’s helmet for two. Hawk steals the helmet and lays out both Nasties, setting up the Doomsday Device on Sags for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. This SUCKED as the street fight rule was barely used at all. It was little more than a few shots with the helmet when the referee wasn’t looking anyway. Hawk and Animal barely broke a sweat out there as they were already talking about the Natural Disasters earlier tonight instead of worrying about winning the belts. This win was a long time coming though.

The Mountie is put in a cell by some VERY sweaty policemen.

I.R.S. vs. Greg Valentine

Uh…..sure. Feeling out process to start so Gorilla recaps the show so far. Valentine takes over with a quick shoulder block and a clothesline. Somehow we’re nearly two minutes into the match with this much action. IRS rolls to the floor as Gorilla says Undertaker and Jake Roberts might be here. Back in and Valentine slams him down, sending IRS right back to the floor.

The tax guy heads in again and puts on an abdominal stretch followed by a jumping clothesline for no cover. Off to a chinlock before IRS misses a knee into the corner, giving Greg the opening on the leg. The Figure Four is quickly broken by a grab of the ropes and a second attempt at the hold is countered into a small package for the pin by IRS.

Rating: D. The match wasn’t even that bad but it had no business being on a pay per view. This would be the equivalent of the Divas match on a modern show to give the fans a breather between the big matches. Valentine was long past his point of being a star but he could still put people over like he did here.

Buy Hulk Hogan’s PPV, which is a Best of Hogan show. I’ve heard of worse ideas.

Hogan and Warrior talk about their victims in the main event.

Ultimate Warrior/Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter/Colonel Mustafa/General Adnan

Sid Justice is guest referee and Hogan is WWF Champion. Hogan and Slaughter get things going but the Sarge wants to stall. Slaughter pounds on him in the corner but gets caught between the right hands of both superheroes. Off to Warrior for a clothesline followed by a double big boot to put Slaughter down again. A clothesline gets two for Hogan and it’s back to Warrior. This is completely one sided so far. Hogan comes back in with a middle rope ax handle for two.

Sid breaks up some choking in the corner and the distraction lets Slaughter get in some shots on Hogan. Adnan, an old manager, comes in to rake Hogan’s back and slowly pound away in the corner. Off to Mustafa (Iron Sheik) for the gutwrench suplex and the camel clutch but Warrior makes the save. Slaughter comes back in to choke away in the corner and send Hogan into Sid for a staredown. Sarge jumps the distracted Hogan and stomps away on the back.

Warrior breaks up a top rope something by Slaughter, allowing for the hot tag to the painted one. Warrior cleans house on Slaughter but runs into Sid for another staredown. Back to Mustafa who gets caught in a suplex but Slaughter blocks a tag. Slaughter puts Warrior in a chinlock, only to have the Ultimate One fight up and clothesline Sarge down. There’s the hot tag to Hogan as Hogan chases the lackeys to the back with a chair. More on that later as Hogan throws powder in Slaughter’s face and drops the leg to win.

Rating: D+. I’m not a fan of this one as the match was never in doubt at all, but above that the Iraq War had been over for six months so the interest in the feud was done long ago. Nothing to see here but the fans reacted pretty well to it. This would have been better as a house show main event instead of the main event of Summerslam. If nothing else there was a match around this time on a Coliseum Video with Slaughter/Mustafa/Undertaker against the superheroes. Wouldn’t that make a much better main event here?

Hogan and Sid pose for a long time post match.

Mountie is in jail and a fat biker hits on him.

Hogan and Sid are STILL posing.

We get the video of Savage proposing to Liz and her responding with an OH YEAH. We also get a four minute music video highlighting their entire history together to a sappy love song.

The ring is set up like a chapel for the wedding. Savage comes out in a shiny tux with a big feather on his hat. Heenan: “Why is the second most important guy called the best man?” From what I’ve read this is a legit renewal of vows as the two were already married in real life. There isn’t much to say here other than it’s a wedding and no one interrupts it. This takes like ten minutes.

With the show in the arena done we go to the reception with Savage telling Heenan to beat it. Gene Okerlund does the ceremonial toast. They have the first dance and everything seems to be fine. Now we eat cake before heading over to the gift table where things get interesting.

First off, “WE GOT A BLENDER!!!” Savage freaks out as only he can as you would think he just got the WWF Title instead of a blender. Liz goes to open a present…..and there’s a cobra inside. She freaks out and Savage tries to pull her back, but Undertaker comes in and bashes him in the head with the urn. Jake Roberts comes in and holds the cobra in front of Liz’s face until Sid makes the save with a chair to end the show. This would set up Roberts vs. Savage in the feud of the year which resulted in Undertaker’s face turn.

Overall Rating: C-. This is an interesting show in that the first half is a much higher quality than the second half. The second half has all predictable matches where the winners were never in doubt, but that doesn’t exactly make it terrible. The show is definitely entertaining and set up a lot of stuff down the road while launching Bret Hart up to the next level. It’s worth a watch if you can find it in full but I wouldn’t expect to be blown away.

Ratings Comparison

British Bulldog/Ricky Steamboat/Texas Tornado vs. Warlord/Power and Glory

Original: D

Redo: C+

Bret Hart vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: A+

Redo: A

Natural Disasters vs. Bushwhackers

Original: C-

Redo: D-

Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

Original: B

Redo: D+

Big Bossman vs. The Mountie

Original: D

Redo: D+

Legion of Doom vs. Nasty Boys

Original: D

Redo: D

Irwin R. Schyster vs. Greg Valentine

Original: D+

Redo: D

Hulk Hogan/Ultimate Warrior vs. Sgt. Slaughter/Colonel Mustafa/General Adnan

Original: D

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: D

Redo: C-

Dang this show ticked me off the first time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/25/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1991-a-wedding-that-goes-badly-what-a-new-concept/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XIII (2015 Redo): Here He Is

Wrestlemania XIII
Date: March 23, 1997
Location: Rosemont Horizon, Rosemont, Illinois
Attendance: 18,197
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

The advertised main event this year is the Undertaker challenging Sid for the WWF World Title. This isn’t the biggest match in the world but then again this isn’t the biggest Wrestlemania in the world. That’s the underlying problem with this show: it feels like any other show instead of the biggest night of the year. This was a strange period where Wrestlemania wasn’t being treated as the company’s grand showcase but that would change soon enough. Let’s get to it.

Free For All: Billy Gunn vs. Flash Funk

Funk is better known as 2 Cold Scorpio and is a very skilled high flier. Billy is on his own now and isn’t all that interesting as a solo cowboy. Gunn starts fast but Funk flips out of a backdrop and scores with a superkick. A bad looking belly to back superplex drops Funk again and a clothesline gets a very sloppy two.

The announcers ignore the match to talk about Austin vs. Hart and we hit the chinlock. That goes nowhere so Gunn misses a top rope legdrop, allowing Funk to hit a spinwheel kick for two. Funk gets the same off a top rope victory roll but his moonsault hits knees. Billy comes back with a tornado DDT for the pin at 7:05.

Rating: D+. This just wasn’t very good. Gunn was such a lame character on his own and it would only get worse soon after this as he would become Rockabilly for several months. Funk was at least entertaining with his high flying even though his career in the WWF never went anywhere. Boring match.

The opening video focuses on the history of Wrestlemania but this isn’t quite the same thing. That’s very true as this one wasn’t even a sellout. We hear about the spirit of rebellion in the air and Austin vs. Bret is discussed after the main event.

Godwinns vs. New Blackjacks vs. Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFon vs. Headbangers

This is a four team elimination match with the winners getting a Tag Team Title shot the next night on Monday Night Raw. The Blackjacks are Bradshaw and Barry Windham, Furnas and LaFon are a Canadian team who aren’t the most interesting guys in the world and the Headbangers are….different. They wear skirts and slam into each other in what is considered dancing. Before the match the Blackjacks say they’re riding again (the original team hadn’t been around for about twenty years. Of note, Windham is the son of Blackjack Mulligan and Bradshaw is the nephew of Blackjack Lanza) in a quick interview.

It’s a huge brawl to start as you would expect until it’s Henry vs. Bradshaw. The Godwinn get the better of it but Thrasher is quickly in, only to get planted with a pumphandle slam. Phineas comes in to beat on Thrasher even more before he tags out to Mosh, giving us Headbanger vs. Headbanger.

That goes nowhere so it’s off to Windham vs. Furnas (an incredible powerhouse) with the latter pulling off a hurricanrana, only to get caught in a powerslam for no cover. Bradshaw comes in and falls to the floor with Furnas but Bradshaw shoves the referee down for the DQ and an elimination. Furnas and LaFon are counted out as well, meaning it’s down to the Godwinns vs. the Headbangers.

Phineas works over throws Thrasher around and gets two off a delayed vertical suplex. It’s back to Henry who is sent into the buckle, followed by an awkward exchange where Thrasher seemed to forget to raise his boot in the corner. Phineas comes in to spit in Thrasher’s face (which Vince says Phineas does to farm animals, much to Lawler’s confusion) but it’s quickly off to Mosh vs. Henry with the big man scoring with a Cactus Clothesline.

Mosh dives off the apron to take Henry down and this just keeps going. Commenting on the Headbangers’ attire, Lawler asks if Vince has any White Zombie CDs. Vince: “White……Zombie?” Back in and Thrasher misses a moonsault, allowing the tag to Phineas for some house cleaning. Thrasher breaks up the Slop Drop and Mosh hits the Stage Dive (top rope seated senton) for the pin and the title shot at 10:39.

Rating: D. The wrestling was sloppy, the teams had no issues coming in and the double elimination felt really cheap. This was one of the worst possible ideas for an opening match as it started bad and never got any better. Just not a very good match as it went longer than it needed to and didn’t change the fact that this division is still lacking.

In Your House XIV ad.

Brian Pillman and Sunny tell us to CALL THE HOTLINE!

Intercontinental Title: The Sultan vs. Rocky Maivia

Honky Tonk Man is out on commentary in his quest for a new protege. Rocky is defending (after beating Hunter Hearst Helmsley to win the title a little over a month ago in a big upset) and Sultan is just a Middle Eastern monster played by the future Rikishi and managed by Bob Backlund and the Iron Sheik. Rocky starts fast with some right hands and a dropkick to send Sultan out to the floor.

Sultan throws him into the post to take over as the crowd is noticeably not interested. Back in and a hard clothesline gets two on the champ and we’re in the nerve hold. Oh sweet goodness not this again. Honky Tonk says he’d have already won with the Shake Rattle and Roll and be in the back combing his hair. Sultan’s top rope headbutt gets two and it’s time for a chinlock.

The fans are rightfully bored and restless as this hold continues. Rocky makes his comeback with some open handed punches and a belly to belly for two as the fans still don’t seem interested. The high cross body (Rocky’s finisher) connects but Sheik has the referee. A great looking superkick (he always had a good one) takes the champ down and a piledriver gets two. Rocky comes right back with a rollup for the pin to retain at 9:43.

Rating: D-. This one was less bad and much more dull with the chinlock in the middle killing anything they could have gotten out of it. Rocky would of course get way better but he didn’t have a character or anywhere near the charisma that he would have in the future. That leaves you with a dull match against a one note challenger which isn’t something you want to do after a lame opener.

Post match Sultan, Sheik and Backlund destroy Rocky but his dad Rocky Johnson comes in for the save and house is cleaned.

Ken Shamrock, the former UFC Champion and the guest referee for the submission match, promises to not be intimidated.

Dok Hendrix (better known as Michael P.S. Hayes and with a very loud echo for some reason) asks Helmsley about his relationship with newcomer Chyna. Helmsley says Hendrix doesn’t need to know about it and tonight he’s taking Goldust out straight up. Marlena better be watching out too.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust

Helmsley has taken a major step up in the last year as he’s a lot more serious though still far away from what he would become. This started a few months ago when Helmsley made a pass at Marlena. Goldust went after Helmsley but Chyna debuted and attacked Marlena to continue the feud. Goldust is now good but still a bit out there as he crouches down and stares at Hunter before exploding with right hands. He makes sure to spit down at Chyna who as usual doesn’t flinch.

Helmsley gets clotheslined out to the floor as Lawler accuses Vince of wearing a toupee. More right hands are followed by a ram into the post and this is one sided so far. Hunter’s facebuster only gives him a temporary reprieve as Goldust scores with a nice powerslam. With all the momentum, Goldust goes up top but gets thrown down onto the floor in a huge crash to completely change momentum. Things slow way down as they should when the villain is in control and Goldust’s clothes are partially removed for the second year in a row.

Hunter puts on an abdominal stretch to slow things down even more as Marlena puffs on a cigar. Off to a chinlock with Helmsley’s arm not actually making contact with Goldust’s throat. A suplex gets two on Goldust and a DDT gets the same. Back up and Goldust’s comeback is stopped as they ram heads to make the match drag again. Goldust loads up the Curtain Call (reverse suplex slam) but Chyna goes after Marlena, allowing the Pedigree to put Goldust away at 13:17.

Rating: D+. I’ve never liked this match or feud but I guess it’s an improvement as they had a longer and worse match at the Royal Rumble. These two fought each other for the first half of 1997 and it never took off. Helmsley just wasn’t entertaining at this point as he had such a slow paced offense and Goldust wasn’t really the kind of person who was going to be able to help him to a new level here. It’s not a horrible match but it’s really boring, especially after an awful first hour.

Marc Mero and Sable pitch Wrestlemania shirts. Well ok it’s mainly Sable but Mero is there too.

Shawn Michaels can’t figure out AOL.

Tag Team Titles: Mankind/Vader vs. Owen Hart/British Bulldog

All villains here. Hart and Bulldog are defending and Mankind and Vader have Paul Bearer in their corner after Bearer turned on Undertaker at Summerslam 1996. The champs have been having issues for months and Owen recently said he was smarter than Bulldog, who is also European Champion, having beaten Owen in a tournament final to become the inaugural champion.

Vader powers Owen into the corner to start and pummels him with right hands. A splash misses but Owen tries a hurricanrana and is easily powerbombed down. Heaven help this team if he’s the smarter one. Everything breaks down and Bulldog throws the challenger around before staying in to headbutt Mankind. Bulldog suplexes both of them in an awesome power display (he was always great at those) and we hit the chinlock on Mankind.

They head outside with Vader nailing Bulldog in the back of the head with the urn to take over. Now it’s Vader’s turn for a middle rope splash, followed by a running knee to the head from Mankind. Vader dives into a powerslam (a very common spot for him) and the tag brings in Owen, who the fans don’t cheer because he’s a heel. Hart avoids a sitdown splash and cross bodies Vader, only to run into a heavy clothesline to give the challengers control again. Owen gets beaten down in front of his parents in the front row and Lawler has a ball with his jokes.

Mankind blocks a splash with his knees as the announcers discuss the history of the WWF in this building, including a Wrestling Classic reference. A nice spinwheel kick puts Vader down to no response but he breaks up Owen’s tag attempt. Mankind follows Owen to the floor but charges into a belly to belly. The hot tag finally brings in Bulldog to clean house, even knocking Vader’s mask off. The powerslam is countered by the Mandible Claw though and they fall outside for the double countout at 16:04.

Rating: C-. That’s the best match of the night by far and it’s really more long than good. Mankind and Vader probably should have taken the titles here, even if it was just for a quick title reign before Owen and Bulldog got them back. They had held the titles for months now and it was time to freshen the division up a bit.

Mankind won’t let go of the hold for a bit but the challengers eventually leave, far too happy about a double countout draw.

We get a long recap of Hart vs. Austin. This is all about Austin having no respect for anything Bret Hart has done in the WWF and letting his venom flow through the company. Austin has been winning the mental game too as Bret has started completely snapping, going on hateful tirades about how everyone has screwed him over and how it’s everyone else that has changed. Bret’s entire legacy rides on him being able to defeat Steve Austin and regain the fans’ respect in this one match.

This is one of the greatest stories ever told in wrestling as the details (costing Bret the title, the Royal Rumble etc) are all secondary to the underlying theme: Bret being unable to hold on to the past and not accepting this new reality. Austin embodied the rebellious nature and it made for a perfect dynamic with the traditionalist Bret. As great as the stories were, the matches were even better and made the feud one of the best ever.

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

Submission match with Ken Shamrock refereeing. Austin has a famous entrance as a wall of glass saying AUSTIN 3:16 breaks and he walks through the broken pieces. The fans are split here but it seems to be more pro-Bret coming in. They slug it out to start and are on the floor very quickly. Austin is sent face first into the post but he crotches Bret across the barricade and clotheslines him into the crowd.

Bret gets whipped into some hockey boards but he fights back and they head deeper into the fans. A backdrop gets Bret out of a piledriver as you can barely see anything at the moment. Back to ringside with Bret in control and the fans completely into something for the first time all night. Austin reverses a whip to send Bret into the steps but Hart grabs a swinging neckbreaker to get a breather back inside.

Vince is already treating Bret like the heel on commentary, wondering what kind of excuse Bret will have if he loses. It’s time to work on Austin’s eternally damaged knee with a leg snap and some cannonballs off the ropes. He misses another cannonball though and Austin grabs the Stunner out of nowhere. No covers though so Bret gets up and kicks the knee out again.

The Figure Four around the post has Austin screaming but he doesn’t give up. Lawler: “Bret can twist that leg until it looks like the Chicago White Sox’s Robin Ventura but Austin won’t submit.” Bret grabs a chair but can’t Pillmanize the leg, allowing Austin to get in a great chair shot to knock Hart off the top. The fans are losing it for Austin here and you can see the future right in front of your eyes.

Austin’s middle rope elbow, complete with two middle fingers, has Bret in even more trouble. JR is on fire here as he talks about how this is all about respect and emotion instead of covering a bald spot (shot at Hogan) or your reputation. Unfortunately Vince is there to bring it back down to dull, unemotional commentary that sounds like a high school chemistry teacher trying to be funny.

Austin goes for a submission by laying on his back, wrapping his leg around Bret’s head and pulling back on his arm (it’s hard to put into words) before going for a standard Boston crab, only to have Hart make it to the ropes. Austin can’t get a Sharpshooter on Bret (Lawler: “Wouldn’t that be great? Seeing Bret submit to the Sharpshooter?” Vince: “Hey, it could happen.”) so he sends him outside instead. A hard whip sends Austin into the barricade, wiping out a bunch of commentators and busting him open.

Bret sends him into other metal objects and sweet goodness Austin is spewing blood. Hart pounds away on the cut and it’s time for the Five Moves of Doom. That’s enough wrestling though and Bret starts driving the chair into Austin’s bad knee. JR again goes into his full on excitement mode before Bret hammers away in the corner. Austin isn’t interested in wrestling either and kicks Bret low. The fans are right back into this and Austin is fired up. He stomps one heck of a mudhole in the corner, flips Bret off, and stomps him again.

A nice superplex plants Bret again and Austin chokes him with an electrical cord, only to have Bret grab the bell to knock Austin out. That’s a very nice callback to Wrestlemania VIII where Piper wouldn’t give into the demons but Bret easily did. The Sharpshooter goes on and the blood is flowing out of Austin’s head in one of the most famous shots in wrestling (As Austin would later say on his podcast: “That’s an image that sold a lot of t-shirts.”). A loud Austin chant starts up and he powers out of the hold as the blood drips down between his teeth but Bret gets it back on and Austin passes out to end the match at 22:03.

Rating: A+. Good grief this match is amazing. This is the match that turned Austin into the biggest star of all time and the moment where the WWF had the Monday Night Wars won. It would take time, but Austin was clearly going to be the hottest thing ever and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.

That’s the key to the whole match and a great piece of symbolism: Bret could not stop Austin and only slowed him down. No matter what Bret did, he couldn’t make Austin quit, even after he gave in to the dark side. This is on the short list for the greatest match of all time and certainly one of the best Wrestlemania matches ever. In case you somehow haven’t seen this, go out of your way to watch it at some point because it’s one of the best and most important matches of all time.

Bret is still livid and stomps away even more until Shamrock (who wasn’t a factor in the match) breaks it up and offers to fight. Hart leaves and is booed out of the building as Austin has pulled himself to the corner. Austin pulls his way up and Stuns the referee for trying to help him. He very slowly limps to the back with no help, receiving thunderous cheers from the crowd. A star has been born and everyone knows it. Even the announcers put him over as the toughest man they’ve ever seen.

The Nation of Domination (Faarooq, Savio Vega and Crush plus an army of unnamed men, many of whom were actors there to make the Nation look even bigger. That’s actually a very smart idea and not something I’ve seen since.) promises that it’s going to be a fight against the Legion of Doom and Ahmed Johnson. Ahmed had feuded with the Nation for months now and this is one of their many showdowns.

Nation of Domination vs. Legion of Doom/Ahmed Johnson

This is a Chicago Street Fight and the Nation has brought out a bunch of weapons to use. Ahmed has a 2×4 and Hawk brings a kitchen sink for the sake of completeness. The LOD seems even more fired up than usual to be in their hometown. It’s a brawl to start of course and thankfully there are no tags required here. The good guys clean house to start and the yet to be named D’Lo Brown, JC Ice and Wolfie D. (the rappers who perform the Nation’s theme song) are slammed down to the floor.

Ahmed dives over the barricade to take Crush out as this is rapidly turning into a match that is impossible to call. Hawk swings a 2×4 at Savio but hits the ropes, sending the board into the air, only to have Hawk make a nice catch to send Savio running again. Animal tries to piledrive Faarooq through the French announcers’ table but they fall to the side instead. Instead Animal sprays him with a fire extinguisher and things slow down a bit until Ahmed slams Faarooq through the French table.

Animal beats the fire out of Savio with a trashcan but the fire extinguisher goes off again to blind everyone. The Nation puts a noose around Ahmed’s throat to hang him over the ropes but Hawk comes back with a double clothesline. Faarooq tries to choke Hawk with the noose until he gets pulled off the top rope for a big crash. The brawling continues until Crush gets caught in a quick Doomsday Device, followed by a 2×4 shot to give Animal the pin at 10:43.

Rating: B. It’s the definition of a garbage brawl but these guys beat the fire out of each other the entire time and gave us one heck of an entertaining brawl, especially in the death slot after the submission match. This was really fun and that’s all it needed to be with the fans going nuts over seeing the LOD dominant and violent one more time.

JC Ice and Wolfie D. take a double Doomsday Device after the match.

In Your House XIV ad.

There’s no recap for the main event but there isn’t much of a story to tell. Sid took the title from Bret when Austin interfered and Undertaker has been in the title hunt for a long time now. This was originally going to be Bret taking the title from Shawn to get his win back from last year but Shawn lost his smile just in time for the match to not take place. That’s very convenient no?

Shawn Michaels comes out for commentary, taking his sweet time to soak in all the cheers.

Sid says he isn’t scared of the darkness.

WWF World Title: Sycho Sid vs. Undertaker

Sid is defending and gets the very cool name in lights fireworks display. The bell rings and here’s Bret Hart (Shawn: “Imagine that: Bret being resentful about not being in the main event.”) to insult Shawn for faking an injury, tell Undertaker that they’re no longer friends, and tell Sid that he’s a fraud as champion. Sid just smiles and powerbombs Bret before telling the crybaby to hop along. There’s a second bell and we’re ready to go.

Undertaker pounds away to start and hits an early Old School, only to get caught in a bearhug. The hold stays on for nearly two minutes as Lawler and Michaels bicker for a bit. Shawn asks if you can actually squeeze the life out of Undertaker. Sid boots Undertaker in the face and kicks him over the announcers’ table as this is dragging along.

A slam turns the table over but Undertaker is right back to his feet and they go inside with Vince mentioning that this was turned into a No DQ match earlier today. Not that it really matters but that’s three straight No DQ matches to end the show. Sid pulls back on a camel clutch as Shawn gets in a perfect analysis by saying Sid doesn’t deviate from the power because it takes him everywhere he needs to go. That’s such a perfect lesson that so many people don’t understand.

Sid gets two off a powerslam and the frustration is setting in. Shawn: “Better pound on him some more.” They go outside again with Sid being knocked over the barricade so Undertaker can punch him in the face. Back in and we hit a bad chinlock (read as Undertaker is laying on his back with Sid’s hands on his face) until Undertaker fights up with a powerslam for two.

Now it’s Undertaker with a nerve hold as the crowd is getting restless again. Back up and it’s a double big boot to put both of them down. A middle rope clothesline (more like a fist) gets two for the champ but Undertaker punches him out of the air on the next attempt. Now it’s Undertaker going up top for a clothesline for two of his own. Sid reverses the Tombstone into one of his own but even the arm fold cover gets two.

They go outside for the third time and here’s Bret again to blast Sid in the back with a chair. Back in and a chokeslam gets two for Undertaker but he misses a running clothesline. Sid sets for the powerbomb until Bret comes down AGAIN (Shawn: “Doesn’t he get tired of getting beat up?”) and snaps Sid across the top rope, setting up the Tombstone to give Undertake the title at 23:54.

Rating: D-. WAY too long here and the match was a disaster most of the time. Sid isn’t made to go this long and it made for one heck of a bad match. The Bret stuff got annoying in a hurry but at least he was more interesting than either guy out there. Undertaker winning is definitely the right call as Sid was pretty much gone after this and Undertaker could at least do some entertaining things with the right opponent. That’s not the case here though and the match was a disaster.

Undertaker poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Yeah this was bad. There’s a really good stretch of about forty five minutes in there that was on fire but this isn’t a forty five minute show. So much of this was spent on matches that didn’t feel important or didn’t give me a reason to care. What changed here other than the World Title? Rocky retains in a lame match, the Tag Team Titles go to a double countout and we need to watch tomorrow to find out what happens with the Headbangers?

Much like Wrestlemania IX, this didn’t feel like a Wrestlemania. If this was any other show during the year, the results would have been much better. Unfortunately, as has been the case multiple times, this was the biggest show of the year and the card didn’t live up to the standard. This isn’t a good show but that’s a very common problem around this time, which is why business was in such a bad place here.

Ratings Comparison

Headbangers vs. Godwinns vs. Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFaon vs. New Blackjacks

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D

Rocky Maivia vs. The Sultan

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D-

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs. Vader/Mankind

Original: D+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C-

Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A+

Legion of Doom/Ahmed Johnson vs. Nation of Domination

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Undertaker vs. Sycho Sid

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

The street fight is good but it’s not THAT good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/20/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-13-hitman-and-austin-thats-it/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/22/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xiii-austins-ascension/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XII (2015 Redo): The Changing Of The Champion

Wrestlemania XII
Date: March 31, 1996
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

Much like last year, there’s nothing else to talk about besides the main event. This is all about Shawn vs. Bret and they’re not even trying to hide it. The other big match on the card is Diesel vs. Undertaker but it’s so far behind the World Title match that it’s not fair to mention them in the same breath. Let’s get to it.

Before we get to the show, here’s a bonus that probably should have been on the main card (at least on paper). Occasionally WWF would air a match on their pre-show (known as the Kickoff Show in modern times) and I’ll include them if they’re available. There were dark matches for years before Wrestlemania would go on the air but this is the first that was actually recorded.

Free For All: Tag Team Titles: Godwinns vs. Bodydonnas

This is a tournament final for the vacant titles. The Bodydonnas (Skip and Zip, a pair of exercise enthusiasts) have Sunny, a rather attractive manager and the Godwinns (Henry O. and Phineas I. (get it?), hog farmers) have Hillbilly Jim in their corner. Of note there’s a big blimp flying around over the lower arena, making it practically impossible for fans sitting behind it to see a thing.

Henry and Zip start things off and a wheelbarrow slam gives the Godwinns early control. Phineas comes in and has one of his fits as he clears the ring. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled by any of this. Things settle back down and it’s Henry catapulting Zip over the top and down onto Skip for a nice crash to get the crowd into things a bit. For some reason Phineas tries to come in (he never was that bright) and the Bodydonnas take over with a double slingshot suplex.

Skip drops Zip into a legdrop onto Henry but a Rocket Launcher misses. The cold tag brings in Phineas to clean house and Skip is in trouble. Phineas loads up the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) but Sunny gets on the apron and pulls up her skirt to flash Phineas, allowing Skip to roll him up for the pin and the titles at 5:24.

Rating: D-. Thankfully these things would get better later on because this was terrible. It’s probably better that this wasn’t on the main show as people really didn’t need to see how dismal the tag division had become at this point. There were so many lame gimmick teams like this and they took years to get better, but even then it only lasted for a short time. Terrible match but the right result.

The opening video is entirely focused on Bret vs. Shawn and their contrasting personalities with Bret being all about respect and Shawn being very in your face. They respect each other coming in and this is going to be a great test for both, even though looking back there was no question about which way this was going.

Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson/Yokozuna vs. British Bulldog/Owen Hart/Vader

Johnson is an athletic freak who would have been WWF World Champion had he not been so injury prone. Yokozuna is even heavier than ever and is in this match to get his hands on the heels’ manager Jim Cornette if the good guys win. Vader is Cornette’s new charge and really shouldn’t need an introduction. The big guys start brawling at the start and it’s Yokozuna’s team clearing house with Yokozuna launching Ahmed over the top and out onto Vader. That’s good for a better reaction than anything in the Tag Team Title match had and we’re less than a minute in.

Vader and Yokozuna slug it out to start with Yokozuna getting the better of it until Owen and Vader get him down in the corner. Vader pounds him down with rights and lefts but misses a splash, allowing the hot tag to Ahmed. We get some real house cleaning from the powerhouse but Vader gets in a shot from behind. Vince talks about a herd of buffalo until Owen dropkicks Johnson down, allowing Vader to come back in for some more big shots to the head.

Ahmed completely misses a clothesline to Owen (Johnson had a great look and awesome charisma but he couldn’t do the actual wrestling part) and makes the tag off to Jake for his signature punches. Owen blocks the DDT though and it’s off to Bulldog for a front facelock. The heels keep taking turns on Jake and Owen’s top rope elbow gets two. Bulldog’s running powerslam gets the same (that’s a big surprise) and so does a splash from Vader.

Jake finally avoids a legdrop and falls into the tag off to Yokozuna who pounds Vader down in the corner again. Owen takes the DDT but Jake has to intercept an interfering Cornette. That looks to set up a DDT on Cornette but Vader makes the save and Vader Bombs Jake for the pin at 13:11.

Rating: C-. This didn’t need to be so long and the teasing of Yokozuna getting his hands on Cornette didn’t go anywhere. They did however keep Jake in there for the most part and that’s the right idea given how good he was at selling a beating like that. Yokozuna was only good for quick bursts at this point and the weight would lead to him leaving the company. Vader was clearly on the rise as he was a monster but one who could move with very impressive speed, making him a great addition to the main event.

Call the Hotline!

We recap Roddy Piper vs. Goldust, which can be translated to “Razor Ramon had drug issues so here’s Piper instead.” Piper is a man’s man and President of the WWF, but Goldust (still very bizarre in actions here instead of just in name only) is attracted to Piper and his power. That’s not cool with Roddy and it’s time for a fight at Wrestlemania. Not a match mind you, but they’re going to be fighting in a back lot.

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

This is a Hollywood Back Lot Brawl and Piper is waiting, baseball bat in hand. Goldust drives up in a gold Cadillac, which Piper attacks with a fire hose and then the more logical bat. Piper goes after Goldust with the bat and the camera is jumping all over the place. They break up a concessions table and Piper beats him all over the lot, including some HARD right hands that sounded like they were making some very real impact.

Goldust gets slammed onto the hood of the car and seems to be bleeding from somewhere. A low blow slows Piper down and Goldust runs him over, causing Piper (or more likely a stunt man) to hang on as Goldust drives through the lot. Piper finally falls off and steals a white Bronco to chase after Goldust. No rating due to time but we’re not done with this yet.

Savio Vega vs. Steve Austin

Vega is a Puerto Rican brawler and Austin is the Million Dollar Champion (not on the line here) with Ted DiBiase in his corner. These two had been fighting for a bit but it was made worse when they had to team together in the Tag Team Title tournament. Austin didn’t want to win and laid out Savio instead. We’re ready to go after Savio says he’s ready for anything.

They slug it out and the brawl is quickly on the floor where a DiBiase distraction doesn’t do Austin any good. Back in and Vega’s shoulder goes into the post as Austin takes over on his own. That’s a nice, subtle point and would come into play months later when Austin intentionally got DiBiase sent out of the company.

Austin tries to work on the arm but Savio takes over with some nice kicks. Oh wait though as Roddy Piper calls in to say he’s chasing Goldust down the freeway because this isn’t over. Vega flips out of a chinlock but the arm is still bothering him. Austin comes back with a middle rope elbow as Piper gets on the phone again but his phone keeps cutting off when he’s about to swear. This is a bad sitcom plot.

A pinfall reversal sequence gets a few near falls each but we have an aerial shot of Piper…..which is the video from the OJ Simpson car chase. Back to the match (which shouldn’t have to happen more than once ever) and Austin dives into a raised boot to put both guys down. Savio wins a slugout but a spinwheel kick takes out the referee. The distraction lets DiBiase throw in the title belt goes upside Savio’s head twice, allowing Austin to put on the Million Dollar Dream until the referee wakes up to call the match at 10:03.

Rating: C. The match was entertaining while they actually focused on it but instead we had to sit through Piper calling in (likely from backstage) to advance this stupid idea that no one not named McMahon finds funny. These two feuded for several months and it was a very underrated pairing with both guys getting better as a result. Of course Austin would move on to a much bigger feud later in the year and never looked back, but this was really fun stuff like it lasted.

Austin won’t let the hold go for a long time after the match is over.

More Piper footage which is still from the OJ chase.

We recap Undertaker pulling Diesel through the mat last month at In Your House VI and then Diesel seeing himself in a coffin. Diesel says he’s dealing with Undertaker tonight and then Shawn is next. Yes Shawn and not the title. I guess even Diesel knew what was coming in the main event.

Another half second of Piper footage as the announcers make sure to not say where they’ve seen this before.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Ultimate Warrior

Helmsley has a new valet (like he did every week) named Sable. Warrior is making his return for the first time since 1992 and Lawler had been suggesting that he was 400lbs and bald. Of course he’s his normal (normalish I guess) self and Lawler looks like an idiot again. Helmsley (who is TINY by comparison to what he would become) attacks Warrior before the bell and hits the Pedigree thirty seconds in. Warrior is almost to his feet faster than Helmsley though and it’s time for the clotheslines and shoulders. The gorilla press and splash end Helmsley at 1:39, though I think he’ll be fine. Warrior would be gone again by July.

Merchandise ad.

The debuting Wildman Marc Mero (Johnny B. Badd from WCW) says he’s ready for the competition here in the WWF. Helmsley stumbles in and they get in a fight to set up Mero’s first feud.

In Your House VII ad.

Diesel vs. Undertaker

This is the first time Undertaker has had a really serious challenger at Wrestlemania in a few years and for once he feels like he’s in real danger. These two have cost each other title shots at the last two pay per views and now it’s time for them to go one on one in a marginal dream match. Diesel wins a slugout to start and crushes Undertaker with a running clothesline in the corner.

Undertaker misses his big elbow but sits right back up and they quickly on the floor. A quick ram into the steps looks to set up the tombstone back inside but Diesel slips off the back and kicks Undertaker in the face for two. They’re flying through this so far. Undertaker misses the jumping clothesline and crashes into the ropes, only to snap Diesel’s throat across the top. Diesel is right back though and throws Undertaker into the barricade before stopping to pose.

Back in and the side slam gets two, followed by Snake Eyes (actually called that by Vince, I believe for the only time ever) to keep Undertaker in trouble. In a rare sight, both guys connect with a big boot at the same time (that’s hard to do when you think about it). It’s Diesel up first and we hit the bearhug on Undertaker. Lawler: “YOU GOT HIM BAY-BAY!”

Undertaker suplexes his way out of it but Diesel is up again and scores with the Jackknife. He’d rather celebrate than cover though and Undertaker eventually sits up. That’s fine with Diesel as he hits a second Jackknife but still won’t cover, allowing Undertaker to get up and grab him by the throat. That earns Undertaker a belly to back suplex but he pops up for a bad looking chokeslam. Undertaker plants Diesel with the Tombstone for the pin at 16:37 to make it 5-0.

Rating: B. Diesel was on his way out for WCW but he was actually having better matches every month right before he left. This was by far the best Undertaker Wrestlemania match so far as they were beating the tar out of each other. It’s nice to see Undertaker actually in some trouble instead of just destroying people for a change and Diesel gave him a great challenge. This was much better than I was expecting and a great big man fight.

Ultimate Warrior is on America Online.

Goldust and Piper return in their cars and fight to the ring with Goldust getting the better of it. Another low blow has Piper in trouble and now it’s time for Goldust to strip him. Piper’s bad leg is wrapped around the post but it just seems to fire him up even more. Goldust goes to kiss him but punches Piper in the face instead. That’s fine with Piper as he crotches Goldust on top, only to have Goldust kiss him. Piper will have none of that and he hammers away before grabbing Goldust between the legs. Now it’s time for a spanking, followed by Piper stripping Goldust down to some S&M lingerie to finally end it.

Piper’s son Colt comes in to celebrate with him.

We look back at the history of Bret vs. Shawn with a focus on both of their (singles) history in the company. Shawn has been rising through the ranks and is looking to fulfill his boyhood dream. We also get a focus on their training style with Shawn learning under high flier Jose Lothario and Bret being taught submissions by his father Stu Hart. This worked very well and summed up the entire idea in about a minute and a half.

Shawn says everyone knows the story and now it’s time for the final chapter.

Bret says he just wants to wake up tomorrow morning with the title.

Gorilla Monsoon is introduced as the new President of the WWF.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

Bret is defending and this is a sixty minute Iron Man match, meaning the most falls (pin, submission, countout, disqualification) in the time limit wins. Lothario comes out with no Shawn but he points to the top of the arena for Shawn’s famous zipline entrance into the crowd. That shot of him riding down into the arena was shown on a lot of highlight packages for a very long time. Hebner explains the rules in full, even down to how a countout works, and we’re ready to go.

Feeling out process to start as Shawn grabs some quick takedowns to frustrate Bret just a bit. Bret holds on to a headlock to slow things down as Vince tries to say there are no Bret or Shawn fans but only WWF fans. Lawler is all over him for sounding stupid as this headlock continues. In this case though it makes sense as both guys would want to conserve energy.

Shawn fights up into a top wristlock but Bret reverses into a front facelock. That goes nowhere so Shawn escapes into an armbar. They get to their feet and try to pick up the pace but it’s right back to the mat for more arm cranking on the champ. Bret takes him into the corner for some shots to the ribs but Shawn forearms him in the jaw and headscissors Bret to the floor.

We’re ten minute in and you might think that headscissors would start the second gear but instead it’s right back to the armbar from Shawn. Bret stops to yell at Lothario and the distraction lets Shawn crank on the arm all over again. The hold stays on so long that Vince and Jerry actually talk strategy and analyze the match. Back up and Michaels gets caught in a spinebuster but fights out of a Sharpshooter attempt. They head to the floor and Bret is sent into the timekeeper’s area where a superkick takes the timekeeper’s (who looked a lot like Tony Chimmel) head off.

Back in and Bret grabs a chinlock to slow things down all over again. Shawn FINALLY fights up and hits a hard clothesline but Bret nails one of his own and it’s right back to that chinlock. Another comeback from Shawn includes a dropkick and there’s another armbar. We’re twenty minutes in and this already isn’t boding well. Shawn pulls on the wrist with his foot in Bret’s face before switching to a regular armbar. Good thing too as the fans might have been interested in something different.

Back up and they get a bit more aggressive as Bret’s shoulder is sent into the post. A shoulder breaker and hammerlock slam (shades of the Andersons) have Bret in even more trouble but Shawn isn’t following up. There’s a cross armbreaker on the wrong arm so Shawn quickly switches to the proper version. Shawn switches up to a seated armbar for a good bit until Bret fights up with a Stun Gun for the break. The arm keeps giving him problems though and Shawn sends Bret face first into the buckle. Bret isn’t done yet though as he comes back with the Five Moves of Doom.

For some reason he goes to the top rope and Shawn is ready to catch him, but Bret puts his knee on the back of Shawn’s head and drives him down onto the mat. Shawn comes back with a powerslam for two as there are thirty minutes to go. A slam brings Bret off the top again and a hurricanrana lets Shawn hammer away. That’s one of the first lucha style moves Shawn has used after basically promising to use a bunch of them. Nice little head game there and not something you often see work on Bret.

The threat of Sweet Chin Music sends Bret to the floor but Michaels goes to the top and LAUNCHES himself down onto Bret. That was one heck of a dive and always impresses me whenever I see this match. Back in and a PerfectPlex gets two on the champ. We hit a sleeper, which is smart but annoying after everything we’ve sat through here. Bret fights up (the arm injury disappeared a long time ago) and backdrops Shawn WAY over the top for a huge crash. Lothario comes over to check on him but somehow it’s not a countout.

Back in and Bret works on the back with an ax handle and backbreaker. There are twenty minutes left and Bret drops him with a belly to back superplex. We hit the reverse chinlock for a bit until Shawn fights up, only to have Bret throw him to the floor and into Lothario. With fifteen minutes to go, Bret even screams at Jose as he tries to get up and belly to bellys Shawn down for two. That’s rather heelish of him. The yelling, not the suplex.

Shawn’s right hands don’t get him anywhere as Bret counters a rollup by kicking Michaels outside again. This time it’s Bret diving through the ropes to take Shawn down again. Bret is willing to take the countout now but then changes his mind and breaks it up. Lawler: “He’s his own worst enemy! No, not as long as I’m still alive.” Back in and a German suplex gets two for the champ and Shawn can barely stand. He’s still able to slug it out from his knees though, telling Bret to bring it on.

A big headbutt puts Shawn down but Bret can’t follow up. After a few shakes of his head, Bret grabs another reverse chinlock and we have ten minutes to go. Shawn fights up yet again but it’s a double clothesline to reset things all over again. There’s a superplex from Bret as Vince declares it over at the six minute mark. He’s wrong on both counts as not only does it not get a fall but there were nearly seven minutes left.

Shawn kicks Bret in the face to block a Sharpshooter so Hart has to settle for a half crab instead. Unfortunately Shawn is right next to the ropes for the save and we’ve got five minutes left. Bret dives into a boot and both guys are down again. Shawn comes back with a nice dropkick to send Bret into the corner and there’s the Irish whip for Bret’s chest first buckle bump. Four minutes left and Shawn forearms into the nipup (which the camera misses) as it’s time for a comeback. Lawler: “Michaels has just gotten his nineteenth wind!”

With three minutes left, Shawn gets two off a top rope ax handle. The top rope elbow gets the same and Shawn plants him with a gutwrench powerbomb. He goes up with two minutes left and a moonsault press gets another near fall. A middle rope hurricanrana gets the same and Shawn is winded. With a minute left, Shawn goes up top but misses a dropkick and gets caught in the Sharpshooter. Bret cranks back on it but the time limit expires at 1:00:00.

We’re not done yet though as Bret goes to leave, only to have Monsoon make a ruling that we’re getting sudden death because THERE MUST BE A WINNER. Bret is ticked and starts hammering away on the back but Shawn jumps over him in the corner and hits Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere. Everyone (including me when I was watching live) jumps to their feet but Shawn can’t follow up. Both guys stagger to their feet and another superkick gives Shawn the first fall and the title at 1:01:50.

Rating: B-. This is a really tricky one to grade but the first twenty minutes ruin whatever else they could have had here. It’s just a bunch of laying around in rest holds, which may make sense but that doesn’t mean it’s entertaining. This would have been much better off as a regular match running about forty minutes as it increases drama and lets you believe that something might happen at any given moment.

The match is fondly remembered and it’s certainly not bad, but it’s definitely nowhere near a classic. Allegedly neither guy wanted to job multiple times to the other and it caused the match to be a bunch of waiting around for the first and decisive fall, which made for a dull match until the last five minutes. Unfortunately that’s the case with almost all Iron Man matches and it certainly happened here too. Good match, but not as great as it’s hyped up to be.

Bret is all ticked off and leaves, not to be seen for over seven months. Vince gets in the great line of “the boyhood dream has come true for Shawn Michaels.” Shawn is stunned but finally celebrates like you knew he was going to do.

A highlight package takes us out.

Overall Rating: B. This was a one match show but the Diesel vs. Undertaker match was more than enough to help push it up to a higher level. This was still a bad time for the company but they were smart enough to go with a new direction. Shawn’s success as champion would be hit or miss on his best day but there was no question that this was the right move at the time. It’s not a great show, but when nearly half of it is spent on an entertaining enough match, the show is a success.

Ratings Comparison

Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C-

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Diesel

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B-

I’m kind of stunned that the Iron Man has stayed consistent.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/19/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-12-one-really-long-match-and-not-much-else/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/21/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xii-grabbing-the-brass-ring/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania VII (2015 Redo):

Wrestlemania VII
Date: March 24, 1991
Location: Los Angeles Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,158
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

In addition to the double main event, we have a match that is going to change wrestling going forward but no one knew it yet. This is a time of change for the company but it was still a very dark period at the moment. We’ll see a lot of the changes on this show, many of which will be better than others. Let’s get to it.

Unfortunately Jesse Ventura is gone from the company. Heenan is great but you can’t replace Jesse and Gorilla.

The opening video is just a quick look at Hogan vs. Slaughter.

Willie Nelson, complete with a replica WWF World Title belt, sings America the Beautiful.

Gorilla brings out Jim Duggan to do commentary on the first match. You know Duggan is happy to be on a show with a theme of Stars and Stripes.

The Rockers are ready for the opening match and aren’t worried about Bobby Heenan at ringside.

Rockers vs. Barbarian/Haku

So much for Heenan finding new members of the Family. Barbarian now has fur trunks, a fur cape and antlers, only one of which he wears during the match. I’ll let you figure out which of them that is. Shawn and Haku get things going with Shawn’s speed not working very well to start. Instead it’s a flying shoulder for two on Haku in a rare display of power from Shawn. Marty comes in to try some tandem offense but Barbarian runs them over with a double clothesline.

The Rockers come back with some dropkicks though and Heenan takes a break for a meeting. Back in and Barbarian uses the power to take over on Marty but Shawn helps his partner with a hurricanrana to take over. They try the same thing on Haku but this time the referee holds Shawn out, allowing Barbarian to come in and snap Marty’s throat across the top.

After another quick beating, Marty gets in a quick cross body for a breather. Barbarian breaks up the tag attempt though and it’s time for the bearhug. Marty fights out but dives off the middle rope and right into an awesome powerslam. He’s still able to roll away from a top rope headbutt though and there’s the tag to Shawn. Everything breaks down and a Marty missile dropkick sets up a Shawn high cross body to put Haku away at 10:33.

Rating: B. This is a perfect opening match as they were in and out of there fast enough but got in almost everything that they needed to do. The Rockers were awesome at this point and Haku/Barbarian were great foils for them with the power vs. speed dynamic. It holds up well and is still one of the better opening matches, especially considering it really doesn’t mean anything but still got the crowd fired up.

It’s already celebrity time as Gene is backstage with Regis Philbin, Alex Trebek and Marla Maples (Donald Trump’s girlfriend at the time). Regis talks about meeting some wrestlers for his talk show and he likes being a guest for a change. Earthquake scares him though. Gene: “Regis, you’re beautiful.” Marla doesn’t have anything of note to say and Alex makes the Jeopardy jokes you would expect him to make.

Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo

Tornado, also known as Kerry Von Erich, is a huge star from Dallas who had more drug problems than should be humanly possible. He’s reaching the end of his very short shelf life already so this isn’t likely to work well. Bravo clotheslines Tornado to the floor before he can even get his robe off but Tornado comes back with a failed claw (his finishing hold) attempt. Tornado ducks some clotheslines but walks into the side suplex for two. A bad looking middle rope chop to the back has Tornado in more trouble but he catches Bravo in the claw, followed by the Tornado Punch (exactly what it sounds like) for the pin at 3:11.

Rating: D-. Not a good match here in the slightest with both guys looking sluggish and not really excited to be out there. This is another filler match, though these are starting to get fewer and further between, at least compared to a few years ago. In your depressing moment of the show, both of these two will be dead in less than two years.

Slick says his Warlord (now bald and without facepaint, making him look far more intimidating) is ready to fix the British Bulldog. The idea is that the Bulldog can’t escape the full nelson.

British Bulldog says he can powerslam the Warlord and his mascot Winston (a dog) says there’s no bull in this Bulldog. So Bulldog can speak canine. That’s quite the low level superpower.

British Bulldog vs. Warlord

This is the solo version of the Bulldog who is even bigger and stronger than he was before. Bulldog starts fast with some hard shoulders to send Warlord outside. Back in and Warlord drops backwards to break up the crucifix attempt as Heenan is already getting on Gorilla’s nerves.

We hit the required bearhug before Warlord opts to just pound Bulldog in the back with heavy forearms. A nice belly to belly nice dropkick to the chest (since when could he jump like that?) followed by a sunset flip for two. Warlord comes back with the full nelson but he can’t get the fingers locked. Just like Billy Jack Haynes four years ago, Bulldog breaks the incomplete hold, followed by a quick powerslam to pin Warlord at 8:11.

Rating: C-. Not terrible here as Warlord was fine as a dragon for Bulldog to slay. This is a good example of a match where they went step by step in a very basic idea but the execution was good enough to make what should have been a disaster into something totally watchable.

Jimmy Hart has his Nasty Boys (Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags) ready to win the Tag Team Titles. The Nasty Boys were a hot act in WCW in late 1989 so of course the company didn’t bother to sign them to contracts and they were in the WWF in January.

The Hart Foundation say the Nasty Boys are already at the bottom and they’re going even lower.

Macaulay Culkin is here.

Tag Team Titles: Hart Foundation vs. Nasty Boys

The Harts are defending. Jimmy Hart is wearing a helmet for reasons that aren’t clear though it might be to protect himself from injury. Jerry and Bret start things off with Hart nailing a Thesz press and some right hands. So that’s where Austin learned it. It’s off to Knobbs vs. Neidhart with Jim going off with forearms to the chest in the corner. We hit the armbar for a bit before it’s off to Bret for right hands to Jerry’s head.

The Russian legsweep (not a neckbreaker Gorilla) sets up the middle rope elbow for two but Knobbs gets in a cheap shot from behind to take over. A hard whip sends Bret into the corner as the announcers debate the main event. Off to a reverse chinlock from Sags before Knobbs comes in for the same hold. Jerry comes in for another one as they’re switching in and out very quickly. Brian hooks his second version but Bret gets up and drops Knobbs onto his back for the break.

The referee doesn’t see the tag though and Bret’s punishment continues. Knobbs hits Sags by mistake though and NOW the tag counts. A quick powerslam gets two on Knobbs and everything breaks down. The Nasty Boys collide again and there’s the Hart Attack to Knobbs but Jimmy throws in the helmet, allowing Sags to knock cold, giving Knobbs the pin at 12:10.

Rating: C+. Simple idea here and a good way to get the titles on the Nasty Boys. They may not have been as polished as the Harts but they’re entertaining brawlers who can put on a good enough match to validate holding the titles. This was it for the Harts as they would amicably split (a rare thing in wrestling) and Bret would be in the singles ranks by the end of the summer.

We recap Rick Martel vs. Jake Roberts. Last year, Martel had sprayed the snake bag with cologne but hit Jake in the eye as well, blinding him for several months. Jake was still blind until the new year but he kept going after Martel. Tonight it’s a blindfold match with both guys wrestling under a hood.

Jake says a man has five senses but a snake has six: they always do it better in the dark. That’s a sense?

Rick Martel vs. Jake Roberts

As the hoods are being put on, Jake sticks his hand underneath his, allowing us to clearly see the hole allowing them to see. So much for the gimmick working here. They can’t find each other for the first minute but Martel trips over Jake. Some stuff on the mat goes nowhere so Martel loads up a backdrop, only to have Jake step to the side. There’s your proof that they can see in case the big hole in the hood wasn’t enough for you.

More “blind” searching ensues and they miss charges. Martel finds him for a slam but misses an elbow drop. We’re almost four minutes into this and there’s been about fifteen seconds of contact. The referee gets cornered in the corner but Martel realizes he’s got a shirt in his hands. Jake starts clapping his hands to get Martel’s attention before circling around to catch him. This gives us another ten seconds of contact as the fans want a DDT. I’d settle for a right hand at this point.

Martel finds the snake bag and backs away right into Jake….who still can’t get his hands on him. The bored Gorilla and Heenan do a not very funny bit where Heenan keeps repeating him until a shoulder knocks Jake to the floor. Heenan: “Excuse me for a second. MARTEL! HE’S ON THE FLOOR!” Rick gets a chair but hits the post by mistake while Jake is sitting in the ring. Roberts pulls him back in but Martel hits a quick backbreaker to set up the Boston crab. That goes nowhere so Jake grabs him for the DDT and the pin at 8:33.

Rating: F-. This is one of the worst matches in wrestling history, let alone just Wrestlemania. They stumbled around for eight minutes and had less than a minute of “action” in the whole thing. Martel never even cheated. There’s a dozen ways to make this work for a heel but they just did it straight (well as straight as you can do when you see Jake’s hand inside the match at the start) and wasted everyone’s time. Awful “match”.

Post match Jake destroys the cologne atomizer and puts Damien on Rick.

Maples is in Jimmy Hart’s team’s locker room for the Nasty Boys’ celebration. Calamity ensues so she throws it back to Gene, meaning Gorilla.

Jimmy Snuka vs. Undertaker

Here we go. Undertaker is completely different than anything else in the company at this point and probably ever as he plays the character perfectly, walking stoically to the ring while Paul Bearer has this disturbing look on his face. Snuka, now with a mustache and goatee, turns his back on Undertaker and gets beaten down, followed by Undertaker just ripping at his face. Jimmy goes to the apron but gets suplexed back inside. The fans are openly cheering for Undertaker here as Snuka’s offense has almost no effect. The tombstone makes Snuka victim #1 at 4:19.

Rating: D. The match was nothing to see and no one had any idea of what this would lead to. Undertaker was clearly a star from the second he walked through the curtain last year at Survivor Series though and he’s still going twenty five years later. Snuka was the designated victim here, which is the role he had been playing for years.

Notice what Heenan said when Undertaker won: “THAT’S JIMMY SUPERFLY SNUKA!” Yes, the same Snuka who has been living on his reputation for years now. That’s one of the most valuable things you can have on a roster. Snuka never has to win another match and his reputation makes beating him mean something. It’s job security for Snuka and a great way to put over someone young and new. Bad match, good booking.

We recap Savage vs. Warrior, which started over the WWF World Title and is now career vs. career.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

Before we get going, Heenan spots Elizabeth in the crowd. I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. Bobby is drooling over Queen Sherri and Savage looks fired up. Warrior actually walks to the ring to really sell how serious this is for everyone. Warrior’s trunks have a picture of the WWF World Title on the back with the words “means more than this” wrapped around it. That’s a nice touch.

Savage gets thrown around to start and it’s time to chill on the floor for a second. Back in and Warrior lifts him up by the throat but he’s still keeping things slow paced. Sherri’s attempt at interference fails and Savage gets tied up in the ropes to continue the beating. Savage finally gets in some offense with a running clothesline as Gorilla compares their careers.

Warrior catches a high cross body in midair but just sets Savage down and slaps him in the face. With nothing else working, Savage throws in a chair but even that doesn’t work as Warrior throws him down again. More stomping has Savage in trouble as we cut to a concerned Elizabeth in the crowd. They’re still in first or second gear and this has been almost all Warrior so far. Savage finally gets smart by avoiding a charge in the corner, sending Warrior crashing down to the floor.

Sherri rakes his back so Warrior casually shoves her down but Savage sends him into the post. A backslide gets two for Savage and he freaks out even more than usual. Warrior runs the ropes and tries a flying shoulder…..while Savage is down on his hands and knees. He deserves to crash and burn as well as the sleeper from Randy. Back up and it’s a double clothesline. This has been a chess match so far and the fans are staying with them every second to make the atmosphere even better.

Sherri’s distraction keeps the referee from seeing a small package and Savage kicks out. Warrior’s shoulder hits the referee by mistake but Sherri comes off the top with a shoe to Savage’s face by mistake. Savage guillotines him across the top rope and drops the top rope elbow. That’s not enough as he goes up top for another one. Savage isn’t done yet as he drops THREE MORE ELBOWS….for two.

Warrior fights up again and hits three straight clotheslines followed by the gorilla press and splash…..for two. Warrior starts talking to his hands and asking if this is his destiny. Savage decks him from behind but his top rope ax handle sends him crashing into the barricade. Randy is out of it so Warrior (“NOW I KNOW!”) throws him back inside for a flying shoulder block, sending him out to the floor again. He does it two more times and Savage is DONE, allowing Warrior to put his foot on the chest for the pin at 20:50.

Rating: A. This was a war and Warrior’s best match by a thousand miles. The crowd hung with them every step of the way here and the drama was amazing. It’s a rare case where words don’t do a match justice and you just need to see it for yourselves. The action is great but it’s the atmosphere that carries the whole thing. This is more than worth seeing if you haven’t caught it before.

Post match Warrior leaves and Sherri explodes on Savage, blaming him for the loss and kicking him when he’s down. Elizabeth jumps the barricade and throws Sherri to the floor as Savage gets up. Savage gets up and turns around…..and is stunned. The referee tells Savage that Sherri was the one beating on him and he has no idea what to do.

Elizabeth opens her arms and Savage hugs her, finally reuniting with his true love who still loved him after he lost everything he had. Savage puts her on his shoulder like he would do in the old days as we see fans crying everywhere. Elizabeth holds the ropes open but he says not this time and holds them open for her for the first time ever, showing that he’s a changed man.

Savage takes one last bow before leaving with the only thing that matters to him. This is one of the most perfect moments to cap off one of the best long term stories the company has ever put together. Also of note: this wasn’t his full on face turn. Savage would do commentary for a few months and was still a heel for a long stretch.

It’s intermission so let’s go to……a debate on instant replay? This is a reference to the NFL debating the issue recently and I have no idea why this is here. Vince moderates the discussion between George Steinbrenner (New York Yankees owner) and Paul Maguire (NFL analyst) over Randy Savage interfering at the Royal Rumble.

Steinbrenner wants the referees fired if they take too much time to make a call and Maguire wants the guys to wrestle. Maguire insults Steinbrenner under his breath and we go to the replay to see if he really did it. The referee are the Bushwhackers (who else?) but they say it’s inconclusive and therefore the play stands. This really, really wasn’t funny and Heenan’s face in his hands sums up the whole thing.

After that, we have a five minute intermission, meaning we just sit around waiting for five minutes. Well it’s better than lame “comedy”.

Gorilla and Heenan preview the rest of the show.

Undertaker measures Regis for a coffin. Regis: “We’re dying out here.”

Demolition, now just Smash and Crush (replacement for Ax) and heels, tells Alex Trebek that only Mr. Fuji (their manager again) has all the answers.

Regis is with Genichiro Tenryu and Koji Kitao, who don’t speak English. He tries Toyota but they think he’s Kathy Lee Gifford.

Jake and Damien freak Trebek out. Damien will have to settle for the home version of Jeopardy. Heenan takes credit for setting the whole thing up.

Demolition vs. Tenryu/Kitao

This is part of a cross promotional deal with Tenryu’s SWS promotion. It’s a brawl to start with Smash and Crush pounding Kitao down to start. Crush drops a top rope ax handle to the ribs as the crowd really isn’t into this as they have no idea who the newcomers are. Heenan thinks Kitao’s first name is Fred as he clotheslines Smash down and makes the tag to Tenryu. Smash rolls away from a backwards top rope elbow and everything breaks down. Kitao breaks up the Decapitator and Tenryu powerbombs Smash for the pin at 4:16.

Rating: D-. The crowd was silent here and it’s really not had to see why. Demolition was WAY past their expiration date and this would be their last match as a team before it was off to the singles ranks. This didn’t work as a match though and the Japanese guys would be gone right after this, never to be seen again save for some one off Royal Rumble appearances for Tenryu.

Heenan leaves to manage Mr. Perfect in the next match and will be replaced by Lord Alfred Hayes.

Big Boss Man is ready to take the Intercontinental Title to complete his revenge on Heenan for insulting Boss Man’s mama. Can you blame him for being mad in that case? Boss Man has run through the entire Heenan Family and only Perfect is left. Again: simple, yet effective. Side note: it really is amazing to see how much weight Boss Man has lost in the last two years. He’s probably down 100lbs.

Heenan and Perfect call Boss Man Barney Fife and reference the Rodney King beatings, which had taken place just three weeks earlier.

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Perfect vs. Big Boss Man

Boss Man is challenging and knocks Perfect over the top rope with a single right hand. Back in and he swings Perfect around BY THE HAIR. Freaking ow man! Perfect avoids a charge in the corner but gets whipped so hard that he flips forward in a crash. Boss Man whips him with a belt (the referee is fine with this of course) but Perfect wraps the belt around his fist for a shot to the ribs.

We hit an abdominal stretch on the challenger and Heenan tells the timekeeper to ring the bell. The PerfectPlex is countered into a small package for two but a reverse Hennig neck snap (kind of a running Blockbuster) gets two. Perfect is nice enough to go up top for the dive into the raised boot that was clearly designed as a way for him to dive into a raised boot.

Boss Man crotches him against the post but Perfect whips him hard into the steps to take over again. Heenan gets in some cheap shots….and here’s Andre, who is moving better than he has in years. In the distraction, Perfect takes the turnbuckle pad off but Andre hits him in the head with the title belt. Boss Man makes a slow cover but here are Barbarian and Haku for the DQ at 10:14.

Rating: C+. To this day I have no idea why they didn’t change the title here. Boss Man running through the Heenan Family and winning the title should have written itself but they went with the DQ finish instead for some reason. Andre wouldn’t be back after this but it was nice to see him get to do something fun one last time.

Andre helps Boss Man clean house. Boss Man grabs Andre’s shoulders from behind and Andre looks like he wants to kill him.

Donald Trump, Chuck Norris, Lou Ferrigno (the reason Hulk Hogan got his name. They were on a talk show once and Hogan was said to be bigger than the actor who played the Incredible Hulk) and Henry Winkler (who once played a wrestler) are all here. Fonzie just made the show.

Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

Valentine did a really quick face turn to set this up, despite no one really wanting to see it in the first place. A quick powerslam puts Hammer down but he comes back with some chops in the corner. Heenan, back on commentary, is wondering how Andre could have been here. An elbow to the head staggers Earthquake and a middle rope chop actually puts him down. The Figure Four doesn’t work and it’s the Earthquake Splash for the pin at 3:17.

Rating: D. This is another match that could have been cut out to get the time down a little bit. Valentine is an old standard at Wrestlemania but that doesn’t mean he needs to be getting a match this late in the show in 1991. Earthquake has fallen down the card a bit but he’s still fine for a midcard act.

The Legion of Doom (I’m going to assume you’ve heard of them) blames Power and Glory for their lack of Tag Team Titles. After tonight, they’re going to be sour and gory.

Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory

Power and Glory is Hercules and Paul Roma. Hawk clotheslines them down to start and Roma dives into a powerslam. The Doomsday Device puts Roma away in 59 seconds. Well that worked.

We recap Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase. Virgil FINALLY had enough of DiBiase treating him like garbage at the Royal Rumble. Roddy Piper, recently injured in a motorcycle accident, has been mentoring and coaching Virgil for the match.

Ted DiBiase vs. Virgil

Virgil dances around like a boxer to start and punches DiBiase to the floor. Back in and a clothesline puts DiBiase on the floor again but Virgil sends him back inside. They get in again and Virgil takes him to the mat as this is still in first gear. Gorilla and Heenan talk about this being the largest pay per view audience in history (right) as DiBiase chops away in the corner. A piledriver gets two for Ted and a pair of suplexes gets the same. DiBiase remembers that he used to be really evil and shoves Piper down but Piper uses the crutch to low bridge him to the floor to give Virgil a countout win at 7:37.

Rating: D+. This was more of a feel good moment than anything else but it fell really flat with the countout (DiBiase’s third match in a row to end in a countout) instead of DiBiase getting rolled up for a pin. Virgil would pretty much max out here as after this he didn’t have any character and just kind of floated around.

DiBiase beats Virgil down post match and Queen Sherri runs in to become Ted’s new manager. They do a number on Piper’s bad knee but Virgil gets the crutch to make the save. Virgil tells Piper to be a man and get up, just like Piper told him to do multiple times. It’s more bad execution of a good idea.

We look at Sgt. Slaughter and his boss General Adnan (longtime heel manager Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissie) burning a Hogan shirt.

Slaughter and Adnan say Hogan is playing by their rules. We look at Slaughter beating up Hogan and Jim Duggan with a chair as part of these new rules. He might just get himself counted out or disqualified to keep the title. They’ve been teasing this idea all night.

The Mountie vs. Tito Santana

Mountie is an evil Canadian mounted policeman played by Jacques Rougeau and managed by Jimmy Hart. Tito scores with an early atomic drop and a right hand but a Jimmy distraction lets Mountie get in his shock stick to Tito’s ribs for the pin at 1:20. Nothing but filler. Gorilla: “That will go in the record books as a victory for the Mountie but not for anyone who viewed it.”

Hogan says he has secret weapons to deal with Slaughter’s ground warfare. He isn’t pleased with Slaughter for beating him down and putting him in the camel clutch. Hogan isn’t the same man he was just a week ago but he’s doing it for AMERICA tonight.

Trebek is guest ring announcer, Maples is guest timekeeper and Regis is on commentary.

WWF World Title: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan is challenging and naturally comes out with the American flag. The champ stalls to start and is content to do so for the first minute and a half. A lockup takes them into the corner and neither can get an advantage. Hulk eventually shoves him down before grabbing a headlock. A shoulder sends Slaughter into the ropes for some of his great selling.

Adnan offers a distraction so Slaughter hits Hogan in the back with a chair for an attempt at a DQ. The referee is fine with the chair but Hogan doesn’t sell it anyway. Slaughter’s thumb to the eye works a bit better but he misses an elbow drop. A forearm to the head gets two for Hulk (how rare is it for him to get a near fall?) and he sends Slaughter chest first into the buckle. Hulk slingshots him into the post and it’s time for some right hands in the corner. This has been almost all Hogan so far.

Hogan actually goes to the middle rope but Slaughter punches him out of the air. That goes nowhere either so Hogan goes all the way to the top (!), only to get slammed right back down. Another chair shot is ignored by the referee so Slaughter chokes with a camera cable. Back in and Slaughter starts in on the back to set up the camel clutch.

First up though is a Boston crab but Hogan is all of three inches away from the ropes. A top rope stomp to the back (that looked dangerous) looks to pin Hogan but Adnan is on the apron for absolutely no logical reason. Try domestic help next time Sarge. There’s a chair to the head and Hulk is busted open, a rare thing at this point. The camel clutch goes on but Slaughter would rather cover him with the Iraqi flag. Of course you know this means war and it’s Hulk Up time. The legdrop gives Hulk the title back at 20:23, making him the first three time WWF World Champion.

Rating: C+. Aside from being the most obvious ending in the world, this was a fine Wrestlemania main event. Hogan winning made sense, even if the Gulf War had been over for about a month at this point. Slaughter was fine for a one off title reign as the turncoat worked well enough. Not a classic or anything but it did exactly what it was supposed to do.

A lot of posing and flag waving take us out.

Overall Rating: B-. If you cut out about forty five minutes of filler, this becomes a minor classic. The wrestling is actually quite good here with a fun opener, good title matches and a classic in the middle. There’s still too much filler though and it really drags down what is still a fun show. It also has a much more feel good tone to it and the show felt a lot lighter than the previous years. The wrestling helps carry this one and it’s actually a hidden semi-gem.

Ratings Comparison

Rockers vs. Haku/Barbarian

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

British Bulldog vs. Warlord

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C-

Nasty Boys vs. Hart Foundation

Original: C-

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C+

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel

Original: F

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: F-

Undertaker vs. Jimmy Snuka

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A

2015 Redo: A

Genichiro Tenryu/Koji Kitao vs. Demolition

Original: W (For What were they thinking)

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D-

Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C+

Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: F+

2015 Redo: D

Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D+

The Mountie vs. Tito Santana

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C

2013 Redo: B-

Overall Rating: B-

I’ve always had a soft spot for this show.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/14/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-7-wrestlemania-goes-patriotic/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/16/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-vii-no-that-isnt-a-tear-in-my-eye/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1995 (2012 Redo): It Takes A Bret

Royal Rumble 1995
Date: January 22, 1995
Location: USF Sun Dome, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

Oh dang it 1995 WWF still exists. This is that year that no one likes to talk about and you have to fly through it as fast as you can or you might risk seeing something on it. The big twist this year is that the intervals in the Rumble are only 60 seconds, so the whole match is like 40 minutes long. The other problem is that Diesel is WWF Champion here. The good news is that he’s facing Bret Hart, one of the two men capable of dragging an awesome match out of him. Let’s get to it.

We open with the big deal about tonight’s show: Pamela Anderson arrives. She’ll be escorting the winner of the Rumble to the ring at Wrestlemania. A bunch of guys arrive to greet her.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Jarrett is challenging and now has the Roadie with him. Razor starts with his usual assortment of punches and a fallaway slam to send Jeff to the floor. After a little toweling off on the floor, Jeff armdrags Razor down and struts. They trade arm holds until Razor gets taken to the mat where Jeff messes with his hair. Careful with the grease there Jeff. Razor gets annoyed and knocks Jeff to the floor for some more Memphis stalling.

Jeff gets back in and is immediately puts in an armbar where Razor can mess with Jarrett’s hair. Some dropkicks floor the champ and a clothesline gets two. Razor catches a boot coming and ducks the enziguri from Jeff, but Razor misses an elbow to keep Jarrett in control. We hit the chinlock followed by a sunset flip by Jeff for two. Another dropkick gets the same and Jarrett is getting frustrated.

Jarrett hooks a sleeper but Razor quickly counters. The counter doesn’t last long though as Jeff hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. Ramon slides behind Jeff in the corner and crotches him on the post to a big pop. We get a messed up (not botched mind you) spot where Razor was going to try a bulldog off the middle rope but Jeff turns around and it had to be a clothesline. Eh no harm no foul. Jeff backdrops Razor to the floor, injuring the champ’s knee. Roadie clips him in the knee and Razor gets counted out.

We won’t get to the rating just yet. Post match Jeff calls Razor a coward for taking the easy way out like that and calls him back into the ring. Razor pulls a Marty McFly and takes the bait, giving us another match.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Razor tries some quick rollups for two but Jeff goes right for the knee to take over. Jeff does his best Ric Flair imitation but as he goes for the third cannonball down onto the leg, Razor kicks him over the top and out to the floor. Back in and Jarrett puts on the Figure Four, putting Razor in a lot of trouble. Razor escapes and starts his comeback with punches and the belly to back superplex but Jeff counters in mid air for two. Razor clotheslines him down and loads up the Edge, but the knee gives out and Jeff rolls him up for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. I always remember liking this match and it holds up pretty well. Memphis stalling isn’t for everyone but it’s a good way of drawing heel heat, which Jeff might as well have been an iceberg for otherwise. Razor was awesome at this point and had good chemistry with Jeff, so this worked pretty well all around. The ending was smart as it was Razor’s trademark ending for house shows, but he would usually win in about 30 seconds with the Razor’s Edge. Nice to see them switch things up here.

Pamela Anderson has been given a lot of gifts from various wrestlers. One of the running gags on this show is that Pamela clearly doesn’t want to be here at all and has these “GET ME OUT OF HERE” looks on her face the whole night. Todd Pettingill tries to hit on her and completely fails of course.

Jeff says it’s time to celebrate.

IRS vs. The Undertaker

This is the start of the Undertaker vs. Million Dollar Team feud which went on FOREVER. The bell rings and we stand around a lot. IRS tries to jump Taker from behind and it goes nowhere. Taker glares him down to the floor and the stalling continues. IRS slides in, gets glared down, and hides on the floor again. Finally we head back in with IRS pounding away and getting kicked in the face for his efforts.

Taker grabs him by the tie and swings him out of the corner, followed by Old School as this is dominance so far. IRS and DiBiase get in an argument on the floor, causing DiBiase to call for some druids. Taker loads up Old School again but the druid shakes the rope and Taker goes down. A clothesline puts Taker on the floor where he beats on the druids a bit before IRS jumps him from behind.

The druids send Taker into the steps and there’s an abdominal stretch by IRS. That goes nowhere so Taker misses an elbow to really slow himself down. IRS hits some basic stuff as the crowd is almost completely silent. Druid interference gets two for IRS and also allows him to escape the Tombstone. A clothesline puts Taker down but he pops up and hits a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. At the end of the day, this was about thirteen minutes of Taker beating up IRS. I mean….did ANYONE buy IRS as a threat to the Dead Man here? That was the problem with the eight month long feud between Taker and DiBiase’s group: no one on the team was a real threat to him at all. Bad match here but that had to be expected.

Post match Taker beats up the druids and has a staredown with King Kong Bundy. During the staring, IRS steals the Urn. There’s the launch of the feud and Bundy beats up Taker for awhile.

Diesel doesn’t have much to say about his match with Bret.

Bret is ready for his chance at the title.

WWF World Title: Diesel vs. Bret Hart

Diesel is defending in case you’re really slow. Bret tries to brawl to start but is almost immediately knocked down by a big shot to the face. A clothesline puts Bret on the floor where he chills for a bit. Back in and Bret goes after the knee like a smart Hitman. He puts on a quick Figure Four and after a good deal of time in it, Diesel gets to the rope. Bret does something you hardly ever see enough: he puts the same hold back on. Why don’t more people do that? He had Diesel in trouble, so why mess with what was working?

Diesel makes the rope again and heads to the floor where Bret hits a suicide dive to have the champ reeling. Diesel shrugs it off and sends Hart into the steps to get a breather. With Bret in the ropes, Diesel hits the running crotch attack to his back. There’s a backbreaker to Bret and Diesel bends him across the knee a bit. Bret fires off some right hands but gets whipped hard into the buckle to stop him cold.

The champ loads up the Jackknife but instead puts Bret on his shoulder for a backbreaker. Why he doesn’t JACKKNIFE HIM WHEN HE HAS THE CHANCE is beyond my intelligence as Bret escapes. A big boot (Diesel’s leg seems fine) puts Bret down for two, but Bret gets a boot up of his own, followed by a middle rope clothesline for two. Hart goes up and Diesel tries to slam him off, but the knee goes out, giving Bret a two count.

The kickout sends Bret to the floor and he pulls Diesel’s legs out for the figure four around the post. Actually scratch that as he ties Diesel’s legs together instead and pounds away. The Five Moves of Doom get two but Diesel grabs a rope to block the Sharpshooter. Bret clotheslines him to the floor but a dive is caught in mid-air. The tall guy rams him into the post and hits the Jackknife in the ring, but Shawn Michaels runs in to break up the count.

Shawn beats on Diesel’s leg which isn’t a DQ for no apparent reason. Shawn and Diesel had split up at Survivor Series if you’re wondering why this beating is happening. We get a ruling that the match must continue to the delight (yes I said delight) of the crowd. Bret goes back to the knee, hooking another Figure Four. Diesel can’t get to the ropes so he hits Bret in the bad ribs to escape. Ah selling, how I love you.

Diesel is all ticked off now and pounds away on Bret in the corner. A gutwrench suplex of all things gets two for the champ but a big boot in the corner misses. Bret wraps Diesel’s leg around the post and blasts it with a chair. There’s the Sharpshooter but now it’s Owen coming in for the save and a beatdown on Bret. I would say there’s a great tag match in there, but Bret and Shawn teaming up would mean the end of the world as we know it.

The match is going to continue AGAIN though and Diesel gets two on Bret. The place is starting to lose its minds over these near falls. Bret sends him into the buckle that Owen exposed and pounds away as Diesel is rocking again. Diesel comes back AGAIN with elbows and forearms to the face before punching Bret into the ropes where Hart’s legs are caught. Bret is holding his knee but you never know with him.

Yep, he stands up and lays back down in some classic Hart goldbricking. Diesel goes for the Jackknife but Bret fakes him into a small package for two. Bret tries an O’Connor Roll and the referee is bumped. Backlund, Michaels, Roadie and Jarrett run in and that’s FINALLY enough for the double DQ.

Rating: A. These two had MAD chemistry together and this was no exception. They knew how to work the David vs. Goliath (I’m not sure how fair it is to call Bret David actually) formula to perfection and the matches were great as a result. Why the company kept going with Diesel vs. power guys is beyond me, because his best stuff comes against small guys like Bret and Shawn and always has.

Backlund stays in the ring and puts the Crossface Chicken Wing on Bret. This set up their I Quit match at Mania which even Bret admits sucked. Diesel makes the save and hugs Bret.

More Pettingill and Anderson stuff.

Bob Holly and 1-2-3 Kid are excited to be in the finals of the tag team title tournament.

Tag Titles: Bob Holly/1-2-3 Kid vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/Tatanka

Shawn and Diesel split up and we needed champions. Holly and Tatanka start things off with Tatanka hitting a side slam for two. Holly comes back with a slam and a few dropkicks as this is going nowhere so far. Off to the Kid vs. Bigelow, with the big man running over both of the smaller guys with ease. Bigelow LAUNCHES Kid into the air but gets caught in a rana to send Bam Bam rolling.

Back to Tatanka who whips Kid into the buckles a few times before it’s off to Bigelow to pound on the small guy some more. In something that actually impressed me, Kid backdrops Bigelow to the floor. Both small guys try top rope cross bodies but they escape and dropkick the heels together. Things settle down with Tatanka beating on Holly for a LONG time. Bigelow comes in, allowing Tatanka to distract the Kid. Holly goes to the corner to find no partner and Bigelow splashes Bob.

Holly gets beaten down so badly that he goes to the wrong corner and tags in Tatanka. Thank goodness this isn’t the Attitude Era because it probably would have been legal in some of their matches. Tatanka comes in for more beating on Holly until Bob FINALLY gets in a clothesline for the hot tag to the Kid. Everything breaks down and Kid is LAUNCHED to the floor by Bigelow. Bam Bam loads up the moonsault but Tatanka accidentally hits the ropes to knock him to the mat. Somehow that’s enough for the pin and the titles for the Kid.

Rating: C+. This went nearly sixteen minutes which was just too long. It’s quite good but it would have been great if they cut off five minutes or so. Those launches by Bigelow were awesome looking as Kid continues to be an excellent seller of moves like those. The idea was that it was all Bigelow’s fault, even though Tatanka is totally to blame for Bigelow crashing like that. The Gunns would win the titles back the next night on Raw, making this whole thing pretty pointless.

Post match DiBiase and Tatanka leave Bigelow in the ring, where Lawrence Taylor, NFL legend, laughs at him. Bigelow shoves him down, and there’s Wrestlemania people.

We get a recap of the 94 Rumble, focusing on Diesel’s dominance and Shawn helping to eliminate him.

Shawn laughs a bit.

We look at the ending to the match from last year.

Luger says he wants the title. Lex, it’s been over for you for like eight months now. Let it go dude.

Vince apologizes to Lawrence Taylor.

Here’s Pamela Anderson to watch the Rumble at ringside and MAN does she look miserable.

Royal Rumble

Shawn is #1 and Bulldog is #2. Shawn immediately jumps Bulldog but this isn’t going to last long. Remember there are one minute intervals, which was just a bad idea in general. Smith gets a quick gorilla press, but why throw Shawn OUT when you can just slam him? That clearly won’t come back to haunt him later or anything of course. Smith charges into a boot and here’s Eli Blu (one of the Harris Brothers, who were the big bald bikers who were around for WAY too long) at #3.

Nothing happens so here’s Duke Droese (a wrestling garbageman) at #4. Eli fights Smith and Droese squeezes Shawn until Jimmy Del Ray of the Heavenly Bodies is #5. Nothing continues to happen because there isn’t enough time between entries. Sione (Barbarian) of the Headshrinkers is #6 as Del Ray is tossed out. Tom Prichard of the Heavyenly Bodies is #7 and STILL nothing is happening.

Doink is #8 as the Rumble is going way too fast. It’s like the original Rumble: not enough names to care about and nothing going on at the same time. Kwang is #9 and Rick Martel is #10, I believe in his last WWF match. There are nine people in the ring right now. Shawn is almost out but fights off Kwang to survive. Owen Hart is in at #11 and here’s Bret to jump him in the aisle. Owen survives and climbs in, only to be eliminated in three seconds.

Shawn puts out Droese and Timothy Well (partners with Steven Dunn in the tag team of Well Dunn) is #12 and is out almost immediately. Martel and Prichard go out faster than I can see them and Kwang superkicks Doink out. Luke of the Bushwhackers is #13 and during his entrance, everyone but Bulldog and Shawn are gone. Literally, four people were put out inside of six seconds. Luke is out almost immediately and it’s Shawn vs. Bulldog again.

Here’s Jacob Blu at #14 and HE TOO is gone in like fifteen seconds. This is so stupid. King Kong Bundy is #15 and he beats on both guys for about twenty seconds before it’s Mo at #16. Mo is like the fifth guy to last less than thirty seconds. If your roster is this weak, CUT THE FREAKING MATCH DOWN. Nothing else happens until Mable is #17 for the showdown with Bundy. Mabel dumps him out as Butch is #18 and is gone in less than 20 seconds as well. More on this later.

Lex Luger is #19 and he goes right for Mabel for no apparent reason. He eliminates the fat purple and gold dude before gorilla pressing Michaels down like an idiot. Mantaur, a stupid monster character, is #20. He beats on Luger and Bulldog until Aldo Montoya (Justin Credible with a jockstrap on his face) is #21. Henry Godwinn is #22 as we’re waiting on a bunch of people to get thrown out so everyone can go home. I think this is one of Henry’s first matches.

Billy Gunn is #23 so naturally Bart Gunn is #24. Bob Backlund is #25 and also lasts about fifteen seconds due to a Bret Hart attack. Steven Dunn is #26 as there are like ten people in there. Bret and Backlund fight in the aisle again and old man Dick Murdoch is #27. Mantaur misses a charge at Bart and Adam Bomb is #28. For the second year in a row, Vince decides Adam Bomb is going to win the Rumble. Seriously.

Fatu is #29 and Luger eliminates Mantaur. Crush is #30, giving us a final group of Shawn, Bulldog, Luger, Montoya, Godwinn, Bart, Billy, Dunn, Murdoch, Bomb, Fatu and Crush, or WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE. Thankfully Crush immediately eliminates the Gunns to clear the ring out a bit. We cut to Anderson who gives a very uninterested wave and points to the ring. You know, because this is SO beneath her. Well, not beneath her enough to give the check back or anything but you get the idea.

Dunn is put out off camera and Murdoch almost puts Shawn out. Luger makes the save due to a lack of intelligence as Murdoch tries headbutts on Fatu. Naturally it doesn’t work at all because YOU DON’T HEADBUTT A SAMOAN. Bomb is backdropped out and Shawn throwsn Montoya out. Luger saves Shawn AGAIN and Crush eliminates Fatu. There are six guys left: Murdoch (who hits a dropkick and airplane spin on Godwinn), Godwinn, Shawn, Bulldog, Crush and Luger.

Murdoch gets dizzy from the spin and falls out to get us down to five. Lex dumps Godwinn and we’ve got four left. Michaels and Crush double team Luger as Bulldog gets a breather. They dump Lex and we’ve got three guys left. Smith gets double teamed until Shawn turns on Crush and is lifted into the air. Bulldog uses the distraction to eliminate Crush and it’s one on one. Davey destroys Shawn and presses him onto (not over. That would make sense) the top rope. Shawn is knocked over the top, but in the famous finish, he hangs on and ONLY ONE FOOT touches, allowing Shawn to come back in and eliminate Smith to win.

Rating: D. This is a tricky one, because the stuff that was decent was in fact decent. The problem is there wasn’t much stuff that falls into that category. First and foremost, SEVEN PEOPLE OUT OF THIRTY did not last thirty seconds. If they’re that meaningless to the match, simply do not put them in the Rumble. It looks stupid and there’s no reason to have them out there.

Second, the time intervals. These were a major issues because there’s no time to get ANYTHING going in the match. When you count ten seconds or so to get into the ring (some people take up to twenty), you’re looking at about 45 seconds of action with the new guy before someone else comes out. That’s just not enough time to get anything going at all.

Third, and this is probably the biggest problem of the match, look at the roster here. At a glance, I see four people with actual chances to win: Crush, Luger (they’re both BIG stretches), Bulldog, and Shawn. After that there’s Owen Hart but he was one of the guys that didn’t make it thirty seconds in the ring.

Then you’re looking at guys like Montoya and Well Dunn and the Bushwhackers (who amazingly still had jobs in 1995) and the Heavenly Bodies (by my count there were five tag teams in here, or one third of the match. WAY too many guys at that level) and Dick freaking Murdoch. This is a match that was BEGGING for a midcard to come in and fill in some spots. Guys like Ramon and Jarrett and Bigelow and Tatanka would have helped this match a ton, but instead we get all these fillers. That’s a big reason why this didn’t work.

Anderson poses with Shawn to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This is a hard one to grade because as good as the world title match is, the Rumble sucks it right back down. IRS vs. Taker isn’t anything good but it’s much more boring than bad. The opener and tag matches are good so I can’t complain much there. 1995 would be AWFUL for the most part though, mainly due to all of the problems you could see coming in the Rumble. Still though, not an awful show by any stretch and it has a great world title match.

Ratings Comparison

Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Original: B+
Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. IRS

Original: D
Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Original: B-
Redo: A

Bob Holly/1-2-3 Kid vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/Tatanka

Original: D+
Redo: C+

Royal Rumble

Original: D+
Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-
Redo: C+

What in the world was I thinking on the title match? It was great.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

 

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Survivor Series Count-Up – 1999 (2012 Redo): So Long Steve

Survivor Series 1999
Date: November 14, 1999
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 18,735
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a BIG show (pun intended) as a lot of stuff happens here. We’ve got a hall of famer debuting, a new world champion, and Austin getting run over by a car, putting him out of action for about a year. Everyone remembers it for the ending and the car stuff, so maybe there’s other good stuff in here too. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about the world title match tonight which they promoted knowing that it wasn’t going to happen. Stay classy WWF.

Team Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Team Dudley Boys

Godfather, D’Lo Brown, Headbangers

Dudley Boys, Acolytes

The Dudleys are brand new, having been around maybe a month or two. This is the debut of Brown as Godfather’s partner in pimping. The Headbangers are dressed as pimps as well which is pretty funny. Bubba still has a bad stutter here which was his whole gimmick for a few months. Godfather makes fun of him to even further tick the Dudleys off. The Acolytes are freshly out of the Corporate Ministry which has broken up and are just big tough guys now.

Bubba vs. Mosh (in afro) start things off. Bubba steals said afro but things speed up and the Dudleys are in trouble. A HARD clothesline takes Mosh down and it’s off to D-Von. The Dudleys were awesome at this point and were like nothing anyone had seen in years. Even their look was totally different and it worked very well. Off to Thrasher who has an afro held on with a chinstrap.

Bradshaw comes in and pounds away on Thrasher a bit before pounding him upside the head. Thrasher misses a corner charge and the Clothesline eliminates him quickly. Off to Mosh vs. Farrooq with the latter missing a charge in the corner but not being affected by it that badly. Back to D-Von as Jerry talks about wanting ho’s for Christmas. Mosh hits the running crotch attack to D-Von’s back but it’s off to Bubba via a blind tag and the 3D puts out Mosh, making it 4-2.

Brown comes in with a forearm to the head of Bubba and a legdrop for two. For absolutely no apparent reason, Bradshaw blasts Brown with the chair for a DQ, and does the same to Bubba as well, knocking him out cold. D-Von and Farrooq both want the pin and get in a fight over it, resulting in a double countout for a double elimination despite neither of them being legal. That would be the Dudleys’ first real feud.

Back in the ring Bubba gets two on Brown as it’s apparently 2-1 now. A suplex gets two for Bubba and it’s time for the bouncing punches from Ray. Brown comes back with a Sky High for two and loads up a top rope rana, only to get caught in a middle rope sitout powerbomb for two which looked awesome. A double clothesline puts both guys down and it’s hot tag to Godfather. The Ho Train sets up the Low Down for the final elimination.

Rating: C. I remember reading someone say that Godfather was the perfect opening act because you were guaranteed a good pop whenever he was out there. The more I see of him in matches like this, the more I agree with that statement. The guy wasn’t that great or anything, but the fans loved him and he was always a fun character that you didn’t have to take too seriously. That kind of fun character is a great choice for an opener and this was a fine opener here too.

Remember that future hall of famer debuting tonight? We get a video telling us how awesome his name is and how awesome his life has been so far. His name: Kurt Angle.

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Stasiak

Stasiak is most famous for being an idiot in the Alliance and being the son of the most forgotten world champion ever in Stan Stasiak. Never heard of him? I think that proves my point. Angle has the Patriot’s old music which would become far more famous with its new owner. Angle immediately hits a fireman’s carry takeover and the boring chants start about fifteen seconds in.

They head to the mat with Angle hooking a hammerlock. The fans chant for the Redwings because someone actually wrestling in a wrestling match is an evil idea to fans in 1999. Stasiak comes back with a clothesline and a vertical suplex for two. Off to a chinlock which Kurt escapes pretty quickly. Angle comes back with a clothesline and goes to get the mic. He demands not to be booed because he’s the best in the world.

Back in and Kurt hits something like a dropkick but is put right back into the chinlock. The hold is broken again and Angle comes back with a powerslam for two. Stasiak hits a lay out F5 but misses a top rope cross body. The Olympic Slam gets the pin and starts the hottest rookie year ever in wrestling.

Rating: D+. For a debut, this wasn’t great. However, this would be the start of one of one of the best careers of all time. Angle being serious wasn’t the right choice for him and it wasn’t until he became a total goof that took himself WAY too seriously while being stupid at the same time that he became the awesome Kurt that we know and love. It helped that he could go with anyone in the ring too.

We get a clip from earlier on Heat where HHH called Austin and Rock to the ring in an attempted ambush but the combined forces of Road Dogg and X-Pac didn’t stop two of the biggest stars ever. He wasn’t quite the Cerebral Assassin yet.

Team Val Venis vs. Team British Bulldog

Val Venis, Mark Henry, Gangrel, Steve Blackman

British Bulldog, Mean Street Posse

Even JR says that Val’s team has nothing in common at all. The Posse is a group of three guys from Greenwich, Connecticut who wear sweater vests and never won a match that wasn’t a hardcore match that they won by mistake. I have no idea why this match exists but my guess is “we have no idea what else to do with these fifteen minutes.” Bulldog is European Champion here which is likely a title Val wants.

The captains start things off and after some quick offense from both, it’s off to Pete Gas (the Posse was Rodney, Pete Gas and Joey Abs). Pete is scared to death of having to actually wrestle so it’s back to Bulldog. Once Venis is down it’s off to Pete who hits a slingshot to send Val chest first into the buckle. A belly to back suplex gets two for Pete as Jerry asks where JR would get nice clothes in Oklahoma. JR: “Arkansas.” Off to Blackman for the only thing he could do: martial arts. A bicycle kick gets the quick elimination for Blackman.

Off to Rodney who has even less luck against Blackman, immediately getting taken down. Gangrel comes in who gets caught in a crucifix for two before Gangrel realizes he’s fighting Rodney. He pounds on the Posse dude, shrugs off a cheap shot from Joey, and plants Rodney with the implant DDT (Edgecution) for the elimination. Joey, by far the best of the three Posse members, comes in and gets to face Mark Henry. Joey actually hits a hot shot on Henry but crotches himself on the middle rope. Mark does about what you would expect him to and splashes him for the pin.

So it’s 4-1 now and Bulldog comes in to fight Henry. Mark runs Bulldog over with ease and it’s off to Gangrel. Gangrel goes up top and is immediately crotched and superplexed down to make it 3-1. Blackman is in next but he misses a middle rope headbutt. He argues with the referee and gets caught in a fisherman’s suplex to make it Henry/Val vs. Bulldog. Val gets to start but it’s quickly a double team. Jerry: “Hey what’s this?” JR: “Well it looks like Mark Henry and Val Venis double teaming the Bulldog King.” Val gets sent to the floor but Henry splashes Bulldog, allowing Val to come in off the top with the Money Shot for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was as worthless as it was advertised. The Posse is one of those groups that is funny in retrospect but at the time they were wasting PPV time when there had to have been better options for this spot. Venis would have been a bigger deal a year ago so I’m not quite sure why he was in this spot either. Little trivia note: this is the shortest four on four Survivor Series match ever, breaking the record set about 20 minutes ago.

Michael Cole walks in on the Divas locker room and has to rub oil on Ivory’s stomach. Next.

Fabulous Moolah/Mae Young/Tori/Debra vs. Ivory/Luna Vachon/Terri Runnels/Jacqueline

Thank goodness this isn’t an elimination match. For some reason Moolah and Mae were wrestling in 99 with Moolah even winning the Women’s Title at one point. Jerry’s face when Debra comes out is hilarious. Ivory is Women’s Champion at this point. Moolah jumps the champion in the aisle to start but gets shoved down for her efforts. We officially start with Tori vs. Jackie but Luna comes in for some double teaming.

Keep in mind that Tori is a wrestler in name only, Mae and Moolah combined to be over 150 years old, and Terri and Debra are there as eye candy. After less than two minutes, a double clothesline from the old chicks gives Moolah the pin on Ivory. This may have been the worst idea this side of the birth of a hand. This is what Raw is for people.

Moolah and Ivory “brawl” post match.

X-Pac lists off everything wrong with Kane and says he’ll win tonight. Short and simple here.

X-Pac vs. Kane

Pac turned on Kane when they were partners, starting a feud that went on for MONTHS. X-Pac eventually stole Kane’s girlfriend Tori as well, turning her into a smoking hot slut instead of a smoking hot bad wrestler. Earlier today, Tori and Kane said they don’t take what X-Pac has done personally. Kane has the awesome inverted tights colors tonight. Pac jumps Kane during the entrance and we start fast.

Kane no sells all of the shots to his head. I’ve always wondered if the mask is supposed to absorb the offense from the other guy. Kane chokes away and uppercuts Pac down for no cover. Kane goes up but Pac dropkicks him in the head on the way up in a nice counter. We head to the floor for a bit where Pac sends him into the post to take over. Kane comes back with an uppercut but gets kicked in the head to take him back down.

More kicking slows Kane down but the Bronco Buster is countered by a hand around the throat. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker puts Pac down and there’s the top rope clothesline. There’s the chokeslam but Road Dogg comes in to break up the pin. Kane stalks the Dogg to the floor but walks into the X-Factor for two. The tombstone is loaded up but HHH comes in with the world title shot to the head to draw the DQ.

Rating: C+. I liked this a lot more than most matches that X-Pac had going on at this time. The problem was that Pac would win all of his matches against monsters and it would get more and more unrealistic every time. Here though Kane took a lot of offense from Pac but it didn’t really hurt him, which is what made this much better. The feud would go on WAY too long though.

Post match Kane gets beaten down until Tori comes out. Pac kicks Tori in the face and Kane snaps, sending DX “scattering like quail” according to JR.

The Rock says nothing because HHH shows up and they brawl.

Big Show vs. Mideon/Viscera/Big Boss Man/Prince Albert

This was supposed to be Big Show and Kaientai and Blue Meanie but Show beat them up so he could do this himself. This is during Boss Man vs. Big Show, which is based around Boss Man making fun of Show for having his dad die (kayfabe). It led to a bad moment at a “funeral” where Boss Man stole the coffin and dragged Show along the ground on top of the coffin with a car. Show chokes Albert to the floor and chokeslams Mideon for the pin in less than 20 seconds. Albert is gone 10 seconds later to a chokeslam, as is Big Visc. Boss Man is like screw this and walks out. Show wins in less than 90 seconds.

Austin is in the back but HHH comes up to attack him too. HHH runs away with Austin chasing after him. Austin winds up in a parking garage and is run over by a car which speeds away. This was the way that Austin was written off TV for the better part of a year to have major neck surgery. He had needed it forever but it wasn’t until now when the company could afford to let him off for that long.

The question would eventually be who ran him over, and it would eventually be revealed as Rikishi in one of the biggest WHAT WERE THEY THINKING moments ever. Test, Stephanie, Vince and eventually HHH show up to look at Austin with most of them being concerned. JR goes to see him as well. Vince accuses HHH and DX but they deny any involvement.

Intercontinental Title: Chyna vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho has only been around a few months and is challenging here. Chyna has Miss Kitty here who isn’t even hiding that she’s T&A here, coming out in a bikini and that’s it. Oh and boots. It’s a brawl to start and Kitty is shoved down because Jericho is a jerk. They head to the floor with Jericho’s knees going into the steps, but Chyna misses a dive off said steps to give the Canadian control.

Back in and Jericho gets hot shotted onto the ropes and put in the Tree of Woe. Chyna tries a German but Jericho kicks her low….with no effect because Chyna isn’t a guy. A standing rana takes Jericho down but he pops back up and clotheslines her to the floor. The springboard dive takes Chyna out again as JR talks about not being into the match due to what happened to Austin. For once this is an acceptable statement.

Jericho throws Chyna over the announce table and pours water over her head because Jericho is a jerk. Back in and a missile dropkick gets two for Jericho as does a small package for Chyna. Chyna tries to make a comeback but Jericho bulldogs him down for two and a BIG face pop. A spinwheel kick puts Chyna down and Jericho is swaggering. A clothesline puts Chyna on the floor and Kitty gets kissed.

Chyna comes back with a spear and posts Jericho as the crowd noticeably gets quieter. Back in and Jericho hits a layout powerbomb for two and Jericho is getting frustrated. Lionsault misses and Chyna hits the springboard elbow and a DDT for two. With about two minutes left, Lawler mentions a stipulation that Jericho will get a sex change if he loses. Keep those priorities straight guys.

With the referee down, a belt shot to the head gets two for Chris but Chyna comes back with a Pedigree for two of her own. Jericho puts her in the Walls but Chyna finally makes the rope. The place boos the submission being broken. Jericho loads up a superplex but a Kitty distraction lets Chyna hit him low and a Pedigree (kind of) off the top gets the pin to retain the title.

Rating: B. This took a bit to get going but they hit a groove in that ending sequence. The most important thing here though was Jericho wrestled her like any other opponent rather than making a spectacle out of her being a woman. These two would stay at it for awhile until Chyna went nuts and eventually started wrestling women, which was the downfall of her career. Well that and being nuts and HHH breaking up with her, but that’s another story.

HHH comes in to see Shane, Stephanie and Test. He still denies having anything to do with it but wants to know if the match is now one on one. Shane says he’ll think of something. Note that Test is there with Shane.

Team Too Cool vs. Team Edge/Christian

Too Cool, The Hollys

Edge/Christian, Hardy Boys

This is just after the Hardys and the Canadians had the first tag team ladder match which would launch them into stardom soon after. Too Cool is still stupid here, as opposed to later on when they would be stupid and WAY over. The Hardys have Terri with them which wouldn’t last long. Edge and Scotty get things started as Jerry talks about Scotty’s pants. They chop it out in the corner before things speed up a bit and Edge spinwheel kicks him down.

Off to Crash vs. Matt with Matt getting two off a suplex. Crash gets crotched on the top and punched to the floor. Grandmaster sneaks up on Matt for a sunset bomb to the floor. We unleash the dives as everyone small enough to hits a big dive to take out everyone that was already on the floor with Jeff capping it off. Back in and Christian powerslams Crash for two. The Hollys hit a Hart Attack on Crash Christian for two of their own and Hardcore is in.

We’re promised an update on Austin at the end of this match because THIS MATCH of all things is more important than a guy being hit by a car. Off to Grandmaster whose bulldog is countered and he goes flying so far that he kicks the camera, giving us a cool visual. Off to Hardcore vs. Edge who starts spearing a lot of people. Grandmaster stops to dance and is immediately speared down. In the big melee, Hardcore rolls up Edge for the pin. Fifteen seconds later, Scotty hits a top rope DDT to eliminate Matt, making it 4-2.

Jeff and Scotty do a fast pinfall reversal sequence before Scotty hits the not yet popular Worm. A sitout powerbomb by Scotty with Grandmaster assisting gets two as does a middle rope missile dropkick from Sexay. Too Cool hits the second Hart Attack of the match which gets two on Jeff. Everything breaks down but the Hollys get in an argument. Terri gets on the apron for a distraction which lets Christian hit both of Too Cool low. Jeff hits a 450 on Scotty for the elimination.

So it’s Crash/Grandmaster/Hardcore Holly vs. Jeff and Christian. JR goes on a rant about Austin as Christian and Jeff try some Poetry in Motion, but Hardcore comes off the top with a missile dropkick in a SWEET looking counter. Grandmaster adds a guillotine legdrop for the elimination. Christian immediately hits a reverse DDT on Grandmaster to get us down to Christian vs. the Hollys.

JR continues to brood and want an update about Austin. Jerry needling him makes me chuckle as he’s awesome at being a jerk. Crash beats on Christian for a bit before it’s off to Hardcore again. Back to Crash who gets caught in the Unprettier/Killswitch for the pin. Christian tries a victory roll on Hardcore but Bob (Hardcore for you schmucks out there) falls on top for the final pin.

Rating: C+. The problem here was that the pairing that this should have been based around, Edge and Christian and the Hardys, were on the same team rather than getting to tear the house down against each other. The other two teams didn’t mean anything and the ending of this sucked. Once the Dudleys got involved with the brother teams, it was all gravy for almost two years.

Shane says that Vince is at the emergency room with Austin. Austin never lost consciousness but is still undergoing tests. Shane says there will be a triple threat tonight, but Austin won’t be in it. Test is there once again.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Mankind/Al Snow

The Outlaws are defending. Jerry accuses Billy of being the driver but Lawler doesn’t care at all. Mankind says Austin will get through this. Gunn and Mankind get things going with Billy getting two off a neckbreaker. We hit a sleeper like a minute in and then we look at the Head. JR and Jerry are arguing again as the guys in the ring go to th efloor, making them guys no longer in the ring.

Roadie accidentally hits Billy in the face and it’s off to Snow vs. Road Dogg. JR talks about Snow having his action figure pulled off the shelves at Wal-Mart because some stupid professor said that having a severed head included in a toy would send the wrong message to her kids about violence to women. This is going to be a quick sidebar.

First and foremost, it’s not a severed head. It’s a mannequin head and simply LOOKING AT THE FREAKING THING would tell you that. Second, if you’re concerned about what kind of impression a toy would give to your kids, either A, don’t buy it for them, or B, TELL THEM WHY YOU DON’T LIKE IT. Heaven forbid you have to tell your kid he can’t have something he wants because you deem it inappropriate. Third, and this is the part that I like best, Snow mentioned in a promo that clearly the stores care about their customers because they pulled the figure from the shelves, but the guns, bullets and knives are still on the shelves.

Anyway, now that the stupid people who can’t think before they run their mouths and have to decide how people should live their lives because apparently people aren’t smart enough to make decisions for themselves are out of the way, let’s get back to this dull match. Mankind pounds on Roadie in the corner and hits a running knee to the head. Snow pokes Road Dogg with a chair in the ribs which isn’t a DQ for some reason. Neither is the shot to Road Dogg’s back from Mankind.

Mankind hooks a reverse chinlock back in the ring followed by a lot of stomping in the corner from Al. Mankind gets two off a knee lift as things continue to go slowly. Snow hits his headbutts but Road Dogg fires off some lefts and a big right to take Snow down. Everything breaks down and the crowd is DEAD for this. They head to the floor with the Outlaws taking over.

Snow gets beaten on for awhile before clotheslining Roadie down and it’s not hot tag to Mankind. Mankind pounds away for a bit but gets caught by the Fameasser for two. Snow hits the Snow Plow on Road Dogg and here’s Socko. Both Outlaws get Clawed but they both hit Mankind low to escape. Snow hits Billy with Head to give Mankind a two count, followed quickly by the Outlaws hitting a spike piledriver on Mankind to retain.

Rating: D. This got better at the end but the twelve minutes before that were way too dull to be considered good at all. Mankind and Snow were there to fill in spots and while that’s ok, it doesn’t make for an interesting match. It didn’t help that the crowd was deader than Billy Gunn’s career for most of the match. Nothing to see here.

Since Vince is at the hospital, he won’t be refereeing the main event tonight.

We see Austin get run down again.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. HHH vs. ???

The third man is…..shockingly not Test but rather the Big Show. I mentioned Test over and over again tonight because every sign on the planet pointed to him being the guy but they went with Show instead. That’s not to say this is a horrible idea or that it doesn’t make sense because there were no clues or anything beforehand, but it was certainly a surprising pick.

Rock and HHH attack Show to start but to no avail. Show shoulder blocks them down but Rock breaks up a chokeslam on the Game. HHH is defending if that’s not clear. Rock and HHH team up to clothesline Show to the floor but Rock is quickly pulled to the floor. All three guys wind up on the floor with HHH getting dropped on the barricade. Back in and Show misses a splash in the corner and gets caught in a Russian legsweep for no cover.

The People’s Elbow gets one on Show as HHH saves. This is one fall to a finish in case you were wondering. HHH chokes Rock in the corner but Show gets back up and side slams Rock for two. Show kicks HHH to the floor and knocks the Game up the aisle. The fans don’t seem to be sure what to think of Show in this spot but they’re not bored. Rock charges up the aisle to clothesline Show down before going after HHH again.

HHH gets knocked through a production table and Rock is in control. Scratch that theory as Show comes in and beats the tar out of HHH, only to have Rock hit Show with a fire extinguisher. Rock and HHH start heading back to the ring but HHH suplexes him in the aisle. Show is back because the guy can’t be kept down. Show drops HHH on the announce table but Rock drills Show in the head with the bell. Rock and HHH hit a double suplex on Show through the table for the WHOA spot of the match.

Rock and HHH head into the crowd to brawl as this has been a wild fight for the majority of the match so far. Back to the ring and the referee gets clotheslined down by Rock by mistake. The Rock Bottom and Pedigree are both countered, the latter being countered into a catapult into the buckle. There’s the Rock Bottom but there’s no referee. Shane runs out in a referee’s shirt to count two.

Another Rock Bottom hits but Show pulls Shane out of the ring. Rock goes after Show on the floor which goes about as well as you would expect. Actually scratch that as you might expect Rock to beat Show up. Show puts him on the table and goes back into the ring to knock HHH down before going back to beat on Rock some more. Rock gets thrown into the steps and HHH has the belt, only for Shane to take it away. HHH Pedigrees Shane and they’re all back inside again. Here’s DX to go after Big Show and Rock but here’s Vince as well. He knocks HHH out with the belt and a chokeslam makes Show champion.

Rating: C-. This didn’t work that well for me at all. Show has no connection to the feud at all which hurts things a bit, but at the end of the day there was no real flow to the match at all. Show winning is a good pick as it gives some closure to the week for him where his dad died and all that, but his title reign wouldn’t work all that well due to him mainly feuding with Big Boss Man. Still though, decent moment but a bad match.

Show celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a very back and forth show as the stuff that was interesting was interesting (although not necessarily good) and the stuff that was bad and dull was VERY bad and dull. This show is much more about setting things up for the future, which is ok, but it doesn’t really do much for those of us watching this. Not really recommended, but there are some far worse shows out there.

Ratings Comparison

Team Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Team Dudley Boys

Original: B-

Redo: C

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Stasiak

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Team Val Venis vs. Team British Bulldog

Original: D+

Redo: D-

Team Mae Young vs. Team Ivory

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Kane vs. X-Pac

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Big Show vs. Team Big Boss Man

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Chyna vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: B

Team Too Cool vs. Team Edge/Christian

Original: B

Redo: C+

New Age Outlaws vs. Al Snow/Mankind

Original: D+

Redo: D

Big Show vs. HHH vs. The Rock

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: D+

I liked most of the matches better the first time and the overall rating was higher. Simple and easy, as usual.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/08/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1999-a-lot-happens-here/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.




Survivor Series Count-Up – 1999 (Original): We Need Someone New

Survivor Series 1999
Date: November 14, 1999
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 18,375
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Now this is a show where a year really does make a difference. There’s two major issues with this show. Number one, Kurt Angle is debuting here. He’s been talked about for months and tonight he’s fighting Shawn Stasiak. If we had vbookie back then, that match might set a record for biggest amount of money ever won on a single match. Also, this is the last PPV Austin was on for nearly a year, as he FINALLY took time off to have his neck fixed.

The problem simply was that his neck was destroyed by then and the surgery only helped to a certain extent. Had he had this done two years ago when he should have, he might still be wrestling today. Granted it likely would have been for WCW as Vince would have been out of business without Austin, but that’s whatever. The main event here was supposed to be the showdown we all had been waiting for with HHH vs. Rock vs. Austin for the title, but obviously that couldn’t happen.

HHH is champion here, having won it the night after Summerslam from Foley. A lot of the now familiar faces are here now, such as Angle, the Dudleyz, Chris Jericho and Chyna. The Radicalz would debut in January, more or less crippling WCW once and for all (for those that don’t know, the Radicalz were Perry Saturn, Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko and Eddie Guerrero, four of the young studs in WCW that were fed up with never being given a chance in WCW and finally saying screw this and leaving as a unit). Anyway, the card looks fairly good, so let’s do it.

Naturally the intro is about the triple threat that would never come. I’m not sure if I like Vince doing this big of a buildup when he knew that Austin wouldn’t be in it. That’s not quite as bad as Jake and Savage from 91 because 2/3 were in the match, but it’s something you would kind of give a look at. Vince was guest referee for it also. After a very short discussion from Lawler and Ross, we’re ready to go.

Godfather/D’lo/Headbangers vs. Dudleyz/Acolytes

Dang that’s a heck of a heel team. This was when the Dudleyz had just debuted and therefore they were the biggest tag team in the world because the 3D was unlike any move that anyone had seen in forever. At this point Godfather for some reason is one of the most over guys on the roster, which no one will ever get. He has the hos with him and makes his weed references which would NEVER be safe today. Brown is dressed like him too. Oh my stars and garter belts.

Of course the Headbangers are dressed the same way. Oh just take me now. They get ZERO reaction, thank goodness. This was still when Bubba was a stutterer with a big southern accent and D-Von wore overalls, so it’s the best they’ve ever been. Bubba is incredibly funny asking the Godfather for the hoes instead of a match. Godfather is incredibly stupid sounding telling him no. I don’t remember that Acolytes music.

The APA gimmick was coming soon, but not quite here yet. We start with Mosh against Bubba, which spells the whole match in a nutshell. Apparently Mosh has an amateur background. Did that blow anyone else’s mind but me? You can clearly see fans leaving the arena to get popcorn or beer or something, so you can tell how good this match is. After a Clothesline From JBL, Thrasher is gone and it’s 4-3.

Who would have thought that in five years Bradshaw would be world champion? Immediately after Bradshaw turns around Mosh hits a top rope cross body which gets a two. What, did you actually think that was going to work? Teddy Long is a referee here. That’s just humorous. If nothing else, Mosh is trying. He’s not very good, but he’s trying at least. I’ll give him credit for that.

Not everyone can have a 5 star classic, but I’ll give big credit to people that are working hard out there trying to do something, and that’s what Mosh was doing. I say was doing because the 3D makes it 4-2. That leaves us with D’lo and Godfather against four guys. Brown does something very simple but also very smart. He hits that legdrop he does and covers Bubba, but he looks straight at his opponents’ corner. That’s very intelligent when you think about it.

If you’re trying to sell this match, then you want to cover the intelligence factors of it. By making sure that he’s not going to get jumped, D’lo is doing that. It’s a tiny thing but it makes a big difference. Now let’s get to the stupid stuff because you know it’s coming. Bradshaw pops Brown and Bubba with some SICK chair shots to be DQed. Farrooq and D-Von now fight over who should get the pin.

In the stupidest part of this, D-Von covers him and Farrooq drops a leg on him. He looks at D-Von who is up and then covers as well. Yeah that’s going to go well. They brawl to the back and are apparently counted out, which just like in 1994, DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE. Neither guy is legal, so it’s exactly the same thing as standing on the apron. That’s just stupid, but anyway it’s 2-1 now. I’ve always loved Bubba’s side slam. It just looks sweet all around.

Bubba is completely destroying him here, but Brown escapes long enough to tag in…and I hate having to say this…the former Intercontinental Champion, who dominates for a bit before hitting the crappy splash in the corner to set up the Low Down for the pin. I really hate these guys. Make that I hate Godfather. At least Brown had some cool moves. Only here in this time frame would this be the intelligent booking to go with. The ho dance takes us to the next segment.

Rating: B-. The booking makes ZERO sense from modern perspective, and there really was no point to the Headbangers being there. They split up soon enough anyway. Godfather was for some reason considered a somewhat big deal for reasons that mere mortals like myself can’t comprehend. The Dudleyz would soon be where they belonged, but here they were rookies to the company. It was an ok match with everyone working hard, so I’ll take it I guess as a decent opener.

We get a video package on Kurt Angle. This is pure greatness as he is this arrogant jerk but he acts like the all American boy. It’s just awesome. His resume really is awesome when you think about it. I’m so used to seeing him bald that it’s weird seeing him with a full head of hair. Also, this was back when Angle had that pleasant little thing called sanity.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Kurt Angle

Let the jobbing begin. I have never heard more generic music in my life. Apparently his big claim to fame is being the son of a transitional world champion. Oh dear. Angle’s introduction is all impressive and a listing of his accomplishments which is just comical. He’s so clean cut that it’s great considering what he was going to become. Angle had a great advantage to him just as all other “real” wrestlers have.

They need less seasoning and training because they have the amateur background to fall back on. He can learn as he goes but can just go out there and do basic suplexes and holds etc. while not really having learned a lot. It can be called adjusting to the new style, which is actually true. They describe Stasiak as no slouch, and you know what that means. They go onto the mat, and in something that shocks me, Stasiak keeps up with him. That’s very surprising.

Angle hits a textbook overhead belly to belly and gets NOTHING. The fans are chanting for the Redwings because they’re idiots. This is proof of everything that’s wrong with the Attitude Era. Angle and Stasiak just did a very fast paced and crisp mat sequence and then went into a standard wrestling sequence with Angle playing to the crowd very well. However because no referee got bumped and no cursing was done and no weapons were used, the fans hate it. That to me is hogwash.

I was impressed by what I just saw, but apparently it’s boring. And that my friends is why the Attitude Era sucked. It was about drama and not wrestling. That’s just awful all around. Angle and Benoit and Jericho saved the sport more than anyone else because they got in there and just put on classic after classic after classic and it got the fans more interested in the athleticism they were seeing.

Angle has a great look to him with the red white and blue being the most basic outfit you can have and it simply doesn’t fail. Oh he also came out to what used to be Patriot’s music that is now known as his. The fans are DEAD other than a boring chant. In the middle of the match, Angle hits the floor and cuts a promo about how you don’t boo an Olympic gold medalist because he’s the best in the world.

That’s simple but effective. JR brings up a point that’s been argued many times over on these forums: the fans paid their money and can cheer or boo for whomever they want. At the risk of starting a page long debate, I’ll go with I agree with him. People love and cheer for Darth Vader. That doesn’t mean he’s a horrible character. Anyway, Stasiak whispers spots to Angle while in a chinlock.

Angle has a SWEET counter to what I think was a scoop slam from when he came off the ropes as he spins around completely and lands on his feet. It’s hard to describe but it looked awesome. Stasiak could have been decent if pushed right. That’s the big issue: he was just boring. He hits what we would call a slightly modified F5 with the only difference being he throws his body backwards and lands on his stomach instead of next to next to Angle on his back.

It worked fairly well for him though. This is his PPV debut as well apparently. He hits the rotating belly to back suplex for the pin. He gets booed and just doesn’t understand it which is a great character to say the least.

Rating: C+. For a future superstar making his debut, this was ok, but it needed to be maybe a minute shorter. Stasiak being on offense for the most part makes sense here, as he’s more experienced so it makes sense that Angle takes a bit to adjust to him. Also, it makes sense that he carries the match since Angle is a rookie. This was fine, but the fans disappoint me with how jaded they are.

We get a clip from Heat where HHH tried to get Austin and Rock beaten up which failed completely.

Val Venis/Gangrel/Mark Henry/Steve Blackman vs. British Bulldog/Mean Street Posse

Other than Blackman, the first team might as well be called Team Porn. You have Val, Henry was Sexual Chocolate, and Gangrel directed porn movies. Blackman…eh he’s there. The Posse was a group of Shane’s friends that won I think a combined four matches in the company. Venis is the embodiment of everything that was wrong with the Attitude Era, and he’s one of the most remembered stars of it.

Despite how over the top his character was, he really was a solid wrestler and there are rumors he was the official test run for new wrestlers. Allegedly, Vince would have Venis wrestle new guys to see if they had anything. A lot of jobs could have been won or lost based on his recommendations. Granted that’s just a rumor so it very well could be false, but it makes sense when you think about it. I have no clue what the point of this match is, but whatever.

My best guess would be to get Val more over. Ross says that they have nothing in common, so at least it’s not something I’m missing. Henry is the Hershey Bar of Love at this point. Gangrel, despite being completely and utterly awful at anything wrestling related, does have one of the sweetest entrances of all time. I’m still not sure if I like Blackman or not. I used to hate him but the more I see of him the more I think I like him.

For no apparent reason after the faces come out we see a graphic for the match which JR sums up quite well: “There’s your match.” Bulldog was gone in about 6 months after this. He’s European Champion at this point. The Posse is comprised of Pete Gas, Joey Abs and Rodney. They’re as generic as their names imply. We start with the two most talented guys in the match, Bulldog and Venis. Actually they might be the only two talented guys in the match.

Since it’s the Survivor Series, we get a Montreal reference. Lawler of course asks for details. That delayed suplex is just a thing of beauty. That’s real strength. Pete comes in and naturally gets his head handed to him. He gets some decent stuff in to be fair, but the gimmick was just never going to work in the end. Blackman comes in and ends Pete with a bicycle kick. That was short and sweet I guess.

Ross simply does not like the Posse. “He looks like he went to a barber college and went to the guys with bad grades.” Where in the world does he come up with these things? Oh dear it’s Rodney vs. Gangrel. This could set wrestling back 100 years. It only sets it back 50 or so as Joey misses a shot to Rodney and Gangrel hits the Impaler to end him. Edge really needs to go back to that. It just looks awesome on so many levels.

It’s 4-2 for those of you that are wondering. Joey is in now, and he’s by far the most talented of these guys as he had some wrestling experience before coming to the WWF. Joey actually picks up Mark Henry to drape him over the top rope. That wasn’t bad. Joey is gone soon after though due to a massive splash. As I’ve said on so many occasions: if you use a splash that’s not from the top rope as a finisher, you likely suck.

Henry catches Bulldog coming off the ropes in a press slam, but doesn’t get him all the way up and kind of throws him. Not only did that look bad, but it was fairly dangerous. Henry probably expected a raise for it. Bulldog is up holding his shoulder so apparently I might be right. He catches the incredibly agile Gangrel on the top and suplexes him down for the pin. We get a Cleveland Indians reference, which Lawler quickly corrects.

In one of the DUMBEST refereeing moves I’ve ever seen, Bulldog hits a PerfectPlex on Blackman for the pin. That’s fine on paper, but Blackman’s arm is AT LEAST 6 inches off the mat and right in front of the referee. Ok, I can understand missing something minor but that was just horrendous. My mouth actually opened at the sight of that. After that horribleness, we’re back to Val and Bulldog. The faces double team him as Lawler asks what they’re doing.

Ross’ response: it looks like Val and Mark Henry are double teaming the Bulldog. Just a guess.” That was funny. Dang I just thought JR was funny. I need more sleep. Val hooks a small package, which there has to be a joke about somewhere. Naturally JR becomes a jerk a few seconds later so I knew it wasn’t going to last. Both guys hit splashes on him to end this. The sex jokes start up as I wince at them.

Rating: D+. This was a big step down from the earlier match. It just seemed pointless as even Ross said there was nothing in common between the faces. I fail to see the point in this match, but it’s the late 90s so that’s likely the point. Val and Bulldog were the only decent wrestlers out there, so yep, we have an Attitude Era match. This just wasn’t really needed.

Michael Cole more or less barges into the Divas (not called that yet) locker room where Ivory throws herself at him. Naturally, Cole leaves. This was pointless.

Mae/Moolah/Debra/Tori vs. Ivory/Luna/Jackie/Terri

This isn’t Torrie Wilson mind you, but the original psycho fan Tori that was rather hot at times, but set a new record for how bad a women’s wrestler could be. This is one fall, thank goodness. This was two months before the legendarily creepy moment where Mae was topless on PPV somewhere in her 80s. Naturally, Wrestlezone had a link up where you could see the pics. Ok I only looked twice. It’s not that big of a deal.

Yep, Tori looks insanely hot. She’s Kane’s girlfriend at this point. Debra gets a MASSIVE pop. We cut to a shot of Lawler which is cracking me up with how big his eyes are. Lawler’s jokes about Moolah and Mae are quite funny. Ross says Moolah used to have a figure like Miss America. According to Lawler she’s lost a lot of Canada and gained a lot of Mexico. Think about that one for a minute and you’ll get it. I’ve never liked Jackie. She’s just annoying.

Luna is apparently a few sandwiches short of a picnic. All of these girls’ music sounds exactly the same. Ivory is Women’s Champion at this point, having both amazingly and pathetically beaten Moolah for the belt a few weeks before this. Moolah and Mae would both be 76 at this point. Yeah it’s pathetic. Why would Vince allow them to wrestle? That’s just stupid. Sadly, they’re the 2nd and 3rd best workers out there regardless of age, and they’re just behind Luna.

Jackie might be better but I hate her so she’s out. Terri is managing the Hardys right now, as they won the Terri Invitational Tournament. It was just them vs. Edge and Christian in a best of seven series culminating in a ladder match, but it did what it was supposed to do. This is a pure T&A match here. Good grief they’re STILL on the introductions. Even money says they’ll go longer than the match. We get the standard warning from JR that this might not be pretty. Please just make it short.

They actually throw Mae through the ropes to the floor. This is just ridiculous. I don’t care if they say they can do this or not. They’re in their 70s and don’t belong anywhere NEAR a freaking ring. Thankfully we move on to Tori vs. Jackie. Reread that and let it sink in. That’s something you may never read again, period. The level of sloppiness in this match hasn’t been invented yet.

Jackie and Luna botch a tag. You read that correctly. They missed a FREAKING TAG. How is that possible? You slap the other person’s hand. It’s really not that complicated. I’ve seen monkeys that can do it. I’ve seen infants that can do it. I’ve even seen mods that can do it, yet they botched it. Tori slows down to duck a double clothesline, and now Moolah (accidentally called Lillian) is back in.

After slamming Ivory (rather impressive actually), they hit what was supposed to be a double clothesline to pin her. They put their hands together and dropped to their knees for it. It’s worse than it sounds. No one gets that it’s over which I think was because they just ended it while it was only embarrassing. Terri gets her top ripped off to end this idiocy. Apparently not as we have a brawl. Just end it, please.

Rating: N/A. To allow two women in their late 70s into a wrestling ring and have them try to compete is completely and utterly appalling. It’s irresponsible and ridiculous to say the least and Vince should be ashamed of himself for it. I’m disgusted by this.

We get an ad for WWF.com. It’s a blind guy walking around and another guy shifts him so that he gets hit by a bus. That…was stupid.

Lillian Garcia, who looks a heck of a lot hotter here if that’s possible, talks to the now heel X-Pac. He says he carried Kane. He sounds drunk.

X-Pac vs. Kane

I’ve always loved X-Pac’s music. We get a quick interview from earlier in the night where Tori talks for Kane. Naturally, Tori references something that X-Pac wouldn’t talk about for about two hours so there we go. Kane is rocking the alternate costume tonight with mostly black and a bit of red. I’ve always liked that one better. The basic story here is X-Pac and Kane were tag champions, they lost two matches and Pac split.

X-Pac had been mainly wrestling giants and it was around this time that he became completely hated. I wonder if there’s a connection there. By jove I think there is! Naturally Kane starts off by dominating but Pac lands a kick to the face to slow him down. Shockingly enough, Tori is blamed for this. Pac hits a sweet kick as they debate Kane’s alleged impotence. Who feeds them these lines?

He goes for the Bronco Buster and gets choked into a backbreaker. When Kane hits that top rope clothesline right, it is an absolute thing of beauty and one of my favorite moves ever. Kane hits the chokeslam and assumes the position to be pulled out and there’s Road Dogg to do so. To do so is fun type. X-Pac hits the X-Factor and Kane uses the power kickout because that move is just garbage of the highest quality. Or would it be lowest quality? Eh whatever.

Kane sets for a tombstone but HHH runs out and hits him with the belt for the DQ. Now that’s the kind of heel stable leader that children can be proud of: one that runs in and nails a guy with a belt to save his teammates. Learn something Orton (assuming Legacy is still together in two months’ time). Lawler says that Kane has always wanted to be the WWF Champion.

I know it was short Jerry, but can you at least remember who has been World Champion and who hasn’t? DX sets him up for the dreaded Bronco Buster because you know, it’s deadly and painful, but Tori runs, or bounces I guess, to the ring. X-Pac kicks the heck out of her, allegedly by accident.

This awakens Kane to kill Pac but he bails. Naturally Tori would leave Kane soon enough to become X-Pac’s girlfriend in about a week despite him kicking her in the face. JR says that DX is scattering like quail. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS JR ON?

Rating: C+. This was barely over four minutes so it’s hard to grade. Kane beat on Pac, so that’s a good sign I suppose. It was a brawl (in the Attitude Era? YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS!) for the most part with Kane just beating the living tar out of him for the most part. The run in was pretty stupid, but I guess it was required to keep the feud going. I hate it, but it had to be done I suppose.

They show a replay of the kick, and it’s so far off that Lawler slips up and can’t finish his line of how solid that kick was without a pause. It’s that bad. This is why they need to screen those replays. That was abysmal.

Cole is with Rock as we cue the big pop. Before he can talk though, HHH shows up and the brawl is on.

Send in your cable bill and get a free Rock pendent. Again, this is a good idea that they should bring back. It’s not going to kill them to throw out some Cena wristbands or something like that.

Big Show vs. Prince Albert/Mideon/Viscera/Bossman

Mideon has his face painted which looks very odd. Boss Man and Show were in the middle of an angle where Boss Man was tormenting Show because Show’s father passed away. It would lead to a match on PPV which was horrible. It eventually led to the great line of “Big Show, you’re a bastard and your mama said so!” That’s a great line, period. We see Boss Man reading a sympathy card for Show’s dad and with the deadpan delivery, it’s awesome.

We get another great scene where Boss Man interrupts Show’s father’s funeral (for those that don’t remember, Show was said to be the son of Andre the Giant, so in other words it’s taken 6 and a half years to bury Andre. I love the redoing of storylines.) and tying the casket to a car. Show gave chase and is dragged off on top of the casket. It’s out of a bad comedy movie and cracks me up every time. Boss Man is hardcore champion at this point.

Also, Show was supposed to have Kai En Tai and Blue Meanie as partners, but he beat them up so this would be a handicap match. At least they didn’t really let them do that match as it would have made less sense than the Val/Bulldog team. Naturally, we have a replay of it. Heat used to be awesome. Stuff actually happened on it which never happens anymore. The people pop for Show fairly well, which turns out to be a good thing.

Show also has long hair here, which takes a bit of getting used to. Show knocks down Albert (A-Train) and then spins around looking for someone else to hit in a funny spot. After that, Show hits three chokeslams and the best big man bodyslam I’ve ever seen on Viscera inside of 30 seconds to eliminate three guys not named Big Boss Man, who runs for the count out.

Rating: N/A. I can’t grade a minute and a half match, but Show was AWESOME here. This is how Show should have been booked his entire career as he just ran through three good sized men with absolute ease. He picked up Viscera and slammed him with absolute ease. I mean he looked like he was slamming X-Pac or something. The booking was there, the pops were there, and this was the time to do something with Big Show. Alas, nothing would come of it.

Buy Armageddon. Steve Austin will be there.

Kevin Kelly is with Austin, but before he can talk HHH jumps him. In a funny looking spot he punches Austin and takes a sip of water. That just looked odd. Austin chases him while putting his hat on. Road Dogg and X-Pac are running as well, and Austin is in the parking garage. He looks up, and THAT CAR JUST RAN OVER AUSTIN!

Yes, this is the infamous car angle where Austin was hit by a speeding car in a hit and run that put him on the shelf for nearly a year, paving the way for Rock and HHH to rise up to the top of the company. Note: Rock only got as big as Austin when there was no Austin there. This became the top angle in the company next summer as the hunt was on for who ran him down. This was the height of the Attitude Era and their true life angles.

Vince is seen sprinting to the garage to check on Austin, as do Stephanie, her boyfriend/fiancé Test and eventually HHH. Vince sees HHH and immediately accuses him of being the driver which he denies. Ross has gone to the back as well, so Lawler asks the question that would become the million dollar question for the next year or so: who was driving the car? Like I said, this was the excuse used for Austin to go off and have neck surgery that he desperately needed, albeit back in 1997.

HHH and DX keep saying they had nothing to do with this. This angle was fairly well hidden from the IWC, but they knew that Austin would not be wrestling in the main event that night. Now that brings up another question that I’ll get to when we get to the main event.

Anyway, the main thing here is the angle of who was driving. We would find out in the fall of 2000. I can’t remember who it was, but someone mentions that the driver had blonde hair. Commissioner Mick Foley plays detective and eventually deduces who it was based on something Scotty 2 Hotty says. Scotty said something along the lines of he and Grand Master were with Rikishi partying that night.

Mick uses this information to deduce that it was Rikishi that was driving, based on the fact that Rikishi hadn’t debuted yet. This was an issue for two reasons. Number one, so what if he hadn’t debuted yet? Too Cool can’t have non-wrestling friends? Number two, Rikishi already had debuted on Jakked, which aired the night before Survivor Series. The second one I can excuse, because the show came on at 2am and it wasn’t something everyone got.

Also, it was a year ago and not a lot of people are going to remember a specific Saturday night at 2am a year ago, so that’s ok. The explanation of how Foley knew it was Rikishi never made sense to me, but whatever. He claimed that he did it for the Rock, his cousin, because Rock was being held down by the white man. Yes, that’s what they went with. Austin came back and Rikishi was the number two heel in the company. The story BOMBED.

This happened for about a million reasons. First of all, it made zero sense. Just reread the storyline and tell me how it’s a good idea. Second, all signs pointed to HHH. It made sense for it to be HHH. It should have freaking been HHH. Finally, IT’S FREAKING RIKISHI! What in the heck can Austin do with someone like Rikishi? That became the problem. He was just too fat to do anything with.

After about eight seconds the company figured this out and switched it up so that Rikishi was just working on HHH’s orders. That at least made sense. It led to a short HHH vs. Austin feud, but in the end it was really a short length feud, which I guess was ok as those two have always hated each other. Either way, this blew the doors off the hinges for awhile as it was the hottest story in the sport. I think the main reason it failed was because of Rikishi.

It just made zero sense as he went from being a fat midcard guy that was a comedy character to a criminal mastermind helping his cousin because of race overnight. That just doesn’t work. HHH would have been perfect for the master villain, because it’s totally something he would have done.

It was still ok, but it could have been light years better. They at least tried though and I’ll give them credit for that. I can’t imagine they had Rikishi planned the whole time, as they had about 10 months before they had to explain it.

They really handled this part of the show well as this looked very real. You have to factor in that this was the first time that something like this had been done, so it blew our minds. It wasn’t something like Vince having the set fall on him or something stupid like that. This was a huge deal at the time and it came off perfectly.

And with no transition, let’s keep going.

Intercontinental Title: Chyna vs. Chris Jericho

Chyna is the first ever female IC Champion. Now at the time, this was a HUGE deal. This was one of the biggest angles of the year as I think it even got some mainstream coverage. It really is a big deal when you think of it. Can you imagine today say Mickie James feuding with John Morrison and having a legit chance of beating him?

That’s absurd sounding right? This worked, and was a big deal on so many levels. On top of that, the matches were good. And on top of that, Chyna and Miss Kitty looked hotter than any two humans should be allowed to be. Oh yeah the match.

Jericho is getting bigger and bigger pops every time he comes through the curtain. JR is back and clearly is a good bit shaken up. They go at it immediately and Jericho shoves Kitty down. Jericho was more or less replacing Jarrett in this feud. I think that’s a major upgrade for them. Loud Jericho chant starts up.

Chyna winds up on the floor as this is starting kind of slowly. Jericho hits a dive to take her out as Ross talks about Austin more. I can accept it this time though as it’s a major deal. Lawler tells him to be a professional. That’s rather unfunny. Jericho sends her into the table and the announcers get chivalrous all of a sudden.

Missile dropkick gets two. More Austin talk from Ross as Jericho is dominating. Jericho does the foot on chest cover for two. The fans boo Chyna a bit and pop big for Jericho and they actually reference it on commentary. Lawler says they booed the gold medalists here for Christ’s sake. It’s weird hearing that on commentary in WWE no matter what era.

Clothesline puts Chyna on the floor as impressively this isn’t getting boring. He kisses Kitty which ticks off Jerry a bit. Chyna finally wakes up a bit and takes down Jericho to even more booing. Jericho gets a powerbomb for only two. We reference a boxing match from last night as Vince couldn’t be happier than to be bigger than boxing.

Apparently Jericho has said he’ll get a sex change if he loses. Handspring elbow and DDT get two. Down goes the referee and Jericho pops her with the title which was in the corner ala a WCW belt. Never been a fan of that. That only gets two though as Jericho is stunned.

Pedigree gets two. It’s not everyday he can kick out of that so he better use the opportunity while he has it. The Walls go on and the title is in trouble. She gets close to the ropes but is dragged back into the middle before crawling back and getting them the second time. They fight to the corner and Chyna gets a Pedigree off the middle rope for the pin. Dude, did Punk copy Chyna?

Rating: B. Now that’s more like it! That right there is the biggest reason why the feud worked: the matches were good. You could see very clearly though that Jericho would have to turn face soon though as his pops were just off the charts. It makes me feel better to know that at the end of the day, no matter how many stupid angles or whatever is going on, the crowd will react best to solid wrestling, and that’s what they got here.

At no time during this match did Chyna’s gender make it seem like she was weaker, not once. That’s a big vote of confidence in Chyna as well. Not only was she given the Intercontinental Title, but she had a decent run with it. I think she held it three times, and she defended it on PPV. That’s saying a lot when you think about it. Vince has a huge midcard and he picked her to be the champion of it. That’s saying a lot. Solid match.

Test, Shane and Stephanie are in the locker room and DX comes in. Once again they deny doing anything. I think everyone knew that HHH had something to do with it, but we weren’t sure what. HHH asks if it’s a triple threat still and gets thrown out.

Hardy Boys/Edge and Christian vs. Hollies/Too Cool

Holy one sided match Batman! Or at least it should be, but since it’s four wrestlers against four gimmick guys, I’d be willing to bet on how this is going to go. Everyone knew that the more famous teams here were going to be something very special, but no one knew what was coming. Edge and Christian come through the crowd which is just always cool looking. Scotty just looks flat out stupid. Edge of course looks cool.

Ross says he can’t get his mind into the match. That makes sense. Lawler saying that it’s not a big deal is a lot funnier than it sounds. I certainly wouldn’t believe that three of the four would become world champions within ten years, and arguably all four have. That’s impressive. It’s so strange to see these guys being the young studs that steal the show instead of being the names put on the signs that sell tickets to the shows.

Ross keeps talking about Austin, which for once doesn’t bother me. When Schiavone and Heenan would talk about everything but the match all of the time it would drive me insane. Here, it’s at least mainly about the match and then a few moments about Austin. I will never forget a Nitro where the TV Title changed hands and literally, the first mention of the 8 minute match was to say there was a new champion.

Other than that, it was ALL about the main event. That’s just disrespectful. I can understand it when a major thing happens like this, but not for a TV main event. Lawler is just flat out mean here and I’m loving it. He’s talking about Grand Master the whole time, and this is before it’s revealed that it was his son. I think it’s more like the worst kept secret in wrestling at this point, as Lawler is making little jokes here and there about it.

For the second time tonight we lose a cameraman. Edge spears all three heels other than Scotty. I think Too Cool are heels, but I’m not sure. It’s not a heel gimmick if nothing else but whatever. I think the more famous team are supposed to be tweeners at this point.

Edge misses a spear and hits Matt with it instead, leading to him being rammed into by Jeff, which leads to Edge getting rolled up and pinned. Scotty hits a move that I’ve always thought would be cool. He gets on the top rope and dives forward like a front dropkick, but catches Matt’s head on the way down to pull him into a DDT to eliminate him, making it 4-2 all of a sudden. The Worm gets ZERO reaction, as Too Cool are indeed heels here. I thought so.

Yeah the famous guys are faces indeed here. I guess having Terri made me think they were heels. What am I saying? She had boobs so she must have been popular back then since that’s all that mattered. Ross doesn’t know what a hippie is. Oh come on now JR. It’s Oklahoma not Iceland. Ross threatens to give Lawler one finger which causes an audible chuckle from the King.

Ok, I can almost buy that Ross has never heard of hippies. But to imply that he’s never heard of Roy Rogers? Oh I don’t think so. What kind of man that wears a cowboy hat doesn’t know who Roy Rogers is? The Hollies start fighting which allows Jeff to hit a 450 on Scotty for the pin. He hadn’t started using the Swanton yet so that was his big move. I don’t get why he changed it. It’s not like the 450 was bad or something.

Maybe there was an injury along the way or something. Either way, he should have stuck with the 450. If nothing else it looks better. Just to be amusing, Lawler talks about how Ross has no sympathy for his best friend Austin because he keeps talking about the match. That’s just great stuff. When Lawler is on his game there’s no one better on the mic than him.

Christian and Jeff go for Poetry in Motion but Hardcore is waiting on the top rope to nail a dropkick onto Jeff in midair in a sweet looking spot. That was really cool. Grandmaster hits a legdrop from the top onto Jeff’s body to pin him, which should make him a world title contender I suppose. May the wrestling gods perish the thought. As he dances Christian grabs him and hits the reverse DDT to make it 2-1. That was quick.

Christian still doesn’t belong at the top of the food chain though. It’s the Hollies vs. Christian. JR asks King why he’s such a jerk. I’ve always wondered that myself. Tim White tells Crash to get out which makes me chuckle. After a short mini match, Christian pins Crash with the Unprettier, known to you rookies as the Killswitch Engaged.

I wonder why they named it after the band that does CM Punk’s song. Lawler will just not let up on Ross. Holly stops a victory roll to pin Christian about 30 seconds later in a very surprising win in my eyes. Granted that may be hindsight.

Rating: B. This was the spotfest match of the night and it worked very well. Those four guys were the future of the company, but I don’t think people thought it would take as long as it did for that to happen.

Either way, they were the hottest acts in the world and once they were paired with the Dudleys, they went through the roof. As for the match, it was fast paced and full of big spots, but that’s what these guys were best at and it was on display here in a good but not really deep match if that makes sense.

Shane, Test and Stephanie say that Austin didn’t lose consciousness, despite Ross saying he did when he was with him. Shane says there will still be a triple threat match, but it won’t have Austin in it. There’s a short rant/explanation coming on that later.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Al Snow/Mankind

What a great tag match before we get to the main event. The Outlaws are just past their height of popularity here, but they’re still way up there. The more I see of Road Dogg the more I like him I think. He’s just great on the mic every time you hear him talk and his in ring work wasn’t bad at all. The speculation of who the third man will be begins as Lawler wants to know who was driver. Lawler thinks it was Billy.

It wasn’t, but that would have made more sense than Rikishi. These arguments sound like something out of South Park. Mankind says that Austin is a tough son of a gun and after the match they’ll be going to check on him, but until then all they’ll be thinking about are the New Age Outlaws. This was around the time also that a Snow action figure was banned from Wal-Mart because one of those stupid parent’s groups decided that Head was a severed woman’s head.

You know because there’s so much blood and everything on it. Wal-Mart pulled it because they didn’t want to hear a bunch of whiny old women complaining and moaning about something else. Snow was thrilled by it for some weird reason. Mankind returned Head to him on Smackdown, which Ross of course describes as “Mankind gave Snow Head on Thursday”, because gay jokes are the funniest thing in the world right?

I mean that’s what commentators are for right? To crack stupid jokes. I really hate this era. Foley’s book had just come out too, which really was a good read. Lawler is in top form here with his insults and needling of Ross. Snow hits a pretty sweet looking jumping Downward Spiral as they discuss the Wal-Mart thing. Apparently they even mentioned it on SNL. That’s not bad.

Snow pops Road Dogg with a special Survivor Series chair. Only in professional wrestling is a souvenir steel chair a perfectly reasonable idea. The fans are really bored with this and I can understand that completely. There’s just nothing going on here. Foley was just about done here, with only the big feud with HHH left to end his career. Billy wrestling with a shirt on just looks odd for some reason.

Ross says that the Outlaws might be the best tag team ever. That’s just freaking stupid, but whatever. The tag tournament will be over by the time this is posted, so there we are. They blame Snow’s ineptness on the Wal-Mart thing instead of the fact that he just wasn’t that good at this point in his career. Billy gets the Fameasser which gets two.

Mankind gets up and hits the double arm DDT (called a suplex by JR, continuing his time honored tradition of only the best commentary that has ever been uttered by deities like himself) as Snow hits the Snow Plow, but after hitting both of their finishing moves, there’s no cover because Foley needs to get the sock.

I hate excesses like this. There’s just no point to them at all. To be fair it does get the crowd awake a bit. Billy gets out of it and Snow pops him with Head, but no pin. The Outlaws get a spike piledriver on Foley to end this.

Rating: D+. This was just boring until the end. I mean nothing happened for the most part. It was just random bad offense between four guys that just weren’t into this at all. This certainly shouldn’t have been the second to last match of the night as the fans are just a bit dead. This was nothing of note and the ending was just there.

They tell us the same things we heard earlier about Austin and we see it again. Oh another note that I forgot to mention: allegedly it was Rock’s car that hit him, but Rock said his car was stolen earlier in the night. That makes sense at least.

WWF Title: Rock vs. HHH vs.???

Rock comes out to bring the fans back to life which should be considered a miracle. Vince isn’t here to be guest referee either so this is screaming for Montreal 3. That big belt really looks awesome on a ton of levels. It’s more or less a given here that whoever the mystery guy is will become the new champion. That’s just how wrestling works. Now, as for the who it would be, every, and I mean every, sign on the face of the planet pointed to this being Test.

Think about it. At the time he had been moving higher and higher up the card, he had been feuding with HHH to a certain extent so the story is there, he was Stephanie’s fiancé (the infamous wedding was two weeks after this), and he was seen with Shane when Shane said it would still be a triple threat. Putting the title on Test for a two week run or maybe even a one day run, as ridiculous as it sounds now, would have made a lot of sense at the time actually.

He was one of the hottest young guys in the company, he was having solid matches, it fit with the storylines and he was very popular. Everything on the planet would have made you believe it would be Test. It’s not Test. It’s the Big Show. I remember seeing this and being confused but excited. Show at the time was young, new and awesome because they booked him right.

They rarely let him be in a match very long and it made him look unbelievably dominant. HHH is PISSED. Rock isn’t sure what to do. Naturally they jump him early which makes perfect sense. He hits an awesome looking diving double clothesline to take them out. I’m liking this. Show was the big monster at this point and this was working really well. He’s also a lot slimmer at this time so he looks like the monster that they always build him up to be today.

Show is throwing HHH around which is just impressive. Amazingly enough, we hit the floor less than three minutes into the match. At least they gave the in ring stuff a real chance this time. They say Show is the biggest man in WWF history at 7’2 and 500lbs. That’s just completely wrong but whatever.

They get him down and Rock hits the People’s Elbow which apparently would have been a three if HHH hadn’t made the save. Yeah I’ll buy that one. Show and HHH double team the Rock for just a bit. Never mind we’re back to Show vs. HHH on the floor of course. Le sigh we’re going back to the entrance way for more brawling. HHH gets slammed through some random table that was just sitting there for no apparent reason.

My video freezes a bit in the middle of a JR line that I just knew would end in HHH should burn. Yep I’m right. I think I watch too much wrestling. This brawling is ridiculous. Rock is about to be chokeslammed but HHH breaks it up, because of course you need two threats instead of just one right? They cover it by saying HHH needs Rock’s help to beat Big Show.

Based just on the way they’re building up Show, you could pretty much tell he would be taking the title tonight. We brawl a bit more because we haven’t hit our quota yet so we go to the announce tables for awhile. Show takes a bell to the head, leading to both other guys managing to suplex him through the Spanish Announce Table. Oh how I love running jokes. Dang it Rock and HHH are fighting in the crowd now.

I really hate this style. It’s not even a style. It’s just wild fighting with no rhyme or reason to it, but it sold tickets and drove up ratings I guess, so there we are. Since there hasn’t been enough stupid stuff in this match, we lose a referee. Rock hits the Rock Bottom but there’s no referee. Shane apparently just happened to have a referee’s shirt laying around so he sprints to the ring and counts two.

Another Rock Bottom gets two as Show makes the save. Lawler calls him the Giant which really isn’t a copyright issue because he is indeed a giant. Show puts Rock on the table and just beats the holy crap out of him before going back into the ring. Instead of trying to you know, pin HHH he goes back to beating on Rock on the floor. HHH gets the belt because he just felt lonely without it I guess.

HHH pedigrees his future brother in law for no apparent reason other than he’s a heel. Here’s DX because we haven’t had enough of them tonight. This was another big criticism of the Attitude Era as everything ended in a big brawl, much like WCW and the NWO or TNA today. Vince is back though, and business isn’t about to pick up. JR you disappoint me. He pops HHH in the head with the belt and HhH is up before Vince is in a stupid looking moment.

The chokeslam gives us the shocking new champion and a good pop from the crowd. Rock and Show would start a feud soon enough, as this would be the original main event for Mania but Foley was added in for no apparent reason other than letting him main event a Mania. Show dedicates the win to his father which if his father had legitimately died recently would be awesome but it’s not so whatever.

Rating: C+. WAY too much brawling here. I get that they didn’t want to expose Show as a bit limited so they did what they could, but this was over half on the floor in a fifteen minute plus match. It was ok, but the massive amount of run ins and brawling hurt it for me. It’s ok, but it’s nothing special. The surprises at the beginning and the end help it a lot, so we’ll call it just above average.

Overall Rating: B. This was a pretty solid show, but there’s no great match on it anywhere. Jericho and Chyna is easily the best match here, but that’s not saying a lot. This is far more important for Austin of course, but that wouldn’t be touched on for nearly a year.

Show would hold the title for about a month and a half before losing it back to HHH on Raw and then turning heel to join up with Shane, leading to the McMahon in every corner main event at Wrestlemania. This is an ok show, but it’s just ok. I don’t think I’d recommend it, but I wouldn’t recommend to avoid it either, if that makes sense. It’s better than just being there, but not by much.

 

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Survivor Series Count-Up – 1997 (Original): Screw This

Survivor Series 1997
Date: November 9, 1997
Location: Molson Centere, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Attendance: 20,593
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Well, here we are. Perhaps the most infamous show in the history of professional wrestling, we have arrived at Montreal. I’ll save my thoughts on the Screwjob for the end of the review and for once, actually focus on the show as a whole. This is the culmination of the entire Border War storyline with Austin and Michaels unofficially teaming up to fight Canada and the Hart Foundation who were one of the best heel stables I can remember, despite them only being around for a bit.

Shawn got this title shot for winning the first ever Hell in a Cell match against Taker a month prior to this. That also leads into another match on the show as we have Kane’s PPV debut (he would soon debut on Raw in a handicap match, squashing two jobbers named Matt and Jeff Hardy). Other than that we have Austin vs. Owen in a rematch from Summerslam for Owen’s newly won IC Title.

The other four matches are all Survivor Series matches. We’re in the Attitude Era now, with tonight being considered by some to be the official start. I could see that, but the Attitude Era roster was already here with guys like the Outlaws, the Nation and Ken Shamrock here now, so I’d certainly say that this is the Era, but for the sake of argument we’ll say it begins tonight. Anyway, with the ending being the important part that I’d think most of you are interested in, let’s get closer to that.

The NWO is absolutely dominating at this point with the WWF on the brink. However, they would manage to blow the biggest chance in the history of professional wrestling to end Vince with the absolute disaster that was Starrcade 97. This is the show that got people talking about the WWF again though, and ultimately caused the downfall of WCW in the end which you would know about if you’ve seen the match.

We open with the video hyping this as the rematch of Wrestlemania 12. Bret talks about how he got screwed in Anaheim and he doesn’t like the way Shawn acts. Shawn says get over it. The interesting thing here is that this could almost be classified as heel vs. heel. Bret was top heel, and Shawn was certainly acting like a heel, yet Bret will easily be the crowd favorite, with Shawn being the face by default I guess. That’s certainly an interesting issue to have.

We have to introduce both other announce teams for no good reason.

Headbangers/New Blackjacks vs. New Age Outlaws/Godwins

Bradshaw and Barry Windham are the Blackjacks. This started over Billy breaking a boom box over the head of Thrasher. The other teams were feuding…maybe. The announcer speaks French, which I guess makes sense. Road Dogg does the talking intro to the Godwins slow banjo music, and actually calls the Headbangers queers. I’m very surprised that made it onto the video release. He slips in some more gay slurs, which is very surprising as well.

The Outlaws at this point are a brand new team that is more about talking than what they did in the ring. In other words, they got right into what they were known for. The hog farmers are heels now, and somehow still validate a paycheck each which defies any and all logic to me. Phineas tries to leave but it turns out he’s coming back. Dang it I was hoping we could get this done early. I’ll give Russo this: he had different tag teams. That’s more than we get today.

According to Lawler, no one wants to lose one of these matches. Well I’m glad people like winning. I was afraid I was in a Disney movie where giving away wins was the important thing as long as you don’t cheat. The styles between Henry and Bradshaw are clashing badly here and it’s not working.

Bradshaw gets an abdominal stretch on and drops backwards to roll up Henry for the pin. That was kind of cool actually. Who in their right mind would believe that of these 8, he would have the most successful career? Actually you might because none of them looked like much at this point.

Phineas is in now and brawls with Bradshaw as we hear more about Granny Godwin. Windham just doesn’t look right with black hair and a mustache. I don’t have to look at it anymore because he just got pinned. Mosh is actually quite over. That’s just odd. Billy gets a good solid booing, so apparently he’s doing his job correctly. They make a Sadaam Hussein reference which is just out of place. Billy just looks weird in long tights.

This isn’t much of a match as most of the people just don’t fit in it at all. Billy hits a weird looking move to end Mosh. Mosh is going for a bulldog out of the corner but Billy slams him forward face first into the mat for the pin. That was different at least. It’s 3-2 if you’re counting. How sad is it that I know all 8 men’s real names? We’re on to Thrasher and Phineas now as the greatness of this match is just getting better and better.

Ross says Vince is busy as I’m analyzing every single thing about this show now looking for clues about it. I think we’re having audio difficulties here as we have no talking for a few seconds. Apparently Road Dogg was yelling at them and they lost focus? That’s great stuff there guys. Ross isn’t a character anymore and it’s the standard commentating formula that you know and love/hate/tolerate/cut yourself to.

Thrasher pins Phineas after a Stage Dive (seated senton like Mysterio uses) to make it 2-2. Road Dogg comes in for the first time in the whole match and he gets Bradshaw. The Outlaws were an interesting story as they had this epically bad feud for months and months. They were fighting again on Shotgun Saturday Night (which needs a review of its own sometime) when they actually said that their careers were going nowhere fighting each other so they should team up.

This is the result. Anyway, Road Dogg rolls Bradshaw up and hooks the tights for the pin which didn’t actually hit but whatever. He goes nuts and beats up the Outlaws before he leaves it 2-1 with the Outlaws vs. Thrasher. He’s the one that got hit with the boom box, so Thrasher is actually the point of a feud. Oh my goodness indeed. OH GOOD GRIEF WHAT WAS THAT? Ok, so Road Dogg goes for the pump handle but Thrasher reverses into a cover.

Billy goes up for a guillotine leg drop, AND MISSES BY TWO FREAKING FEET! I mean when he lands, you can see the mat between his leg and the two bodies, but THRASHER SELLS IT. That’s how it ends. I literally do not know how to respond to that. It was the absolute worst miss and sell that I’ve ever seen. I mean literally there were two feet between them. I’m stunned.

Rating: D+. This is partially for that ending, but other than that, the match just bombed overall. There was just nothing of interest here and it was just four teams beating on each other for 15 minutes. The Outlaws were clearly going to be either a big deal or something close to one and they certainly were. Other than that, there’s nothing here so it’s a traditional Attitude Era opener: all flash and very little substance.

Truth Commission vs. Disciples of Apocalypse

Dang I forgot about the gang wars period. Ah the Truth Commission. Now if there has ever been a stable that I would have liked to see go further, this was it. We’re not incredibly sure what it was, but that was kind of the point. They were led by the Jackyl, who would become known as Cyrus in ECW. He was kind of a cult leader with this weird brainwashing/mind control thing going on. The Truth Commission was based on South African military units that investigated Apartheid acts after it was outlawed.

One of them would later become known as Bull Buchanan and the big one would become known as Kurrgan. They were very interesting and different, so naturally they were split up and Kurrgan was turned into a comedy character. Allegedly Jackyl was going to be a big deal in the Ministry, but that never came through as he left. This was the era in the company where most of the midcard guys were in gangs.

You had the DOA, the Truth Commission, Los Boricuas, the Hart Foundation and the Nation. It was rather annoying as it turned into a ton of eight man tags that weren’t any good. The Truth Commission here is comprised of Jackyl, Kurrgan, Sniper and Recon. Recon is Bull Buchanan, so we’ll refer to them as Jackyl, Kurrgan, Buchanan and Turnip, because that’s about as much as he’s worth.

The DOA, who don’t have motorcycles yet, are comprised of Skull and 8-Ball (the tall bald twins that are in every wrestling company ever yet never win anything), Chainz (Underfaker/Brian Lee from ECW) and Crush. Lee was good at times, but this is going to be a mess. We start with a massive brawl so I’m likely right. Chainz and Kurrgan start, This lasts about a minute as Chainz takes a sidewalk slam to end him.

Jackyl isn’t on the apron most of the time. Buchanan comes in against one of the twins. JR isn’t sure which it is either. Jackyl comes in off the top with a knee that’s not sold. Three punches and sidewalk slam later we’re tied up. Wait, did two guys just use the same generic finishing move to get rid of people? Was Skull watching the match? You just don’t do that.

You’re a big power guy. There’s about a dozen moves there you could use to get rid of him: boot, spinebuster, powerslam etc., but you use the SAME FREAKING THING. And you wonder why no one cares about you. Turnip comes in next to waste more time. Jackyl is doing commentary now and washes a few brains as we go. I hope he waxes them too. The crowd is just dead here.

The twins switch and a clothesline gets rid of Buchanan. Ok so we’ve had three eliminations: two by sidewalk slams and one by clothesline. A nap sounds good now. After a boring exchange, Turnip hits a bulldog, which is somehow the best elimination move of the match by leaps and bounds, to get rid of a twin, leaving us at a twin and Crush vs. Kurrgan and Turnip. Since the boring pace and repetitive moves have worked so well and gotten such great reactions, we continue with it.

None of this is worth talking about at all as it’s just boring power moves by not incredibly talented big men. Kurrgan gets a blind tag and after the other twin puts Turnip down, he walks into a, get ready, SIDEWALK SLAM for the pin. My goodness was that a reaction? Yes I believe it was.

I have no idea what for so I’m assuming a sale on popcorn. Actually it’s for Crush. Crush is popular? Why? I don’t get it, but ok I guess. He puts Turnip out with a powerslam but as he gets up, I kid you not, he becomes the fourth out of 7 men in the match to be eliminated with a sidewalk slam.

Rating: F. There is no way to validate using the same finishing move FOUR times. On top of that, one of them was from another guy. Now I can get a wrestler being limited to a few moves. I could see if this was Orton hitting three RKOs for three pins, but if say Ted DiBiase used it as well, then it’s just stupid. This was a bad match as the moves and wrestlers were boring, there was ZERO plot, and the crowd hated it. This was a complete waste of ten minutes.

A bunch of fans say who they think will win. Surprisingly, Shawn seems to be the favorite, but not by much. I’d call it 50/50 actually but it’s very close.

As we talk about being in Montreal, King gets in a funny line about not knowing it was Halloween because no city could have faces like this. It’s corny but I laughed. Lawler has a great delivery.

Austin is dictating messages to a person posting them on AOL. That’s perfect for him actually.

For the third year in a row, Karate Fighters is sponsoring this. That might be a record of some kind.

We get a recap of how Blackman is in this upcoming match. He jumped the railing and beat up Bulldog but Anvil just tackled him. Apparently he was able to get a job, trained and onto a PPV in 6 days. That’s not bad.

Team USA vs. Team Canada

USA: Goldust, Vader, Marc Mero, Steve Blackman

Canada: Furnas, Lafon, Jim Neidhart, British Bulldog

That’s a great American team isn’t it? Oh yes it is. On the Canadian side, Lafon is French, Bulldog is British, Furnas is from Oklahoma and Neidhart was always billed as from Nevada. In a quick interview, Vader says they have nothing in common other than they don’t like Canadian meanies. It’s not Vader Time. It’s America Time. Yes he really said that. Team America comes out to a familiar song. For some reason I want to start chanting YOU SUCK to the beat of this song.

The Americans get a decent pop but nothing great. Goldust has paint on his face saying F U, which stands for Forever Unchained. Well ok then. Bulldog says Canada will win. They come out to Bret’s music to a huge pop. Ross says this is like game 7 between the Canadiens and the Rangers. The Rangers won the cup in 94, so does that make any sense to anyone? I guess it’s because New York might as well be the national capital?

JR points out all of the un Canadian things I mentioned, but apparently Lafon is French-Canadian, so that’s somehow better. Lawler points out how truly awful this face team is. Mero, who recently turned heel, starts with Bulldog. This isn’t going to be pretty is it? Team Canada is ridiculously over. Bulldog mocking karate poses is just funny. The fans chant for Sable which was Mero’s main and pretty much only storyline for the rest of his time in the company.

Vader, the only somewhat likable member of his time, comes in to beat on Bulldog for awhile. Goldust has just started going freaky as he has just left Marlena. I never got the appeal of her. She’s just not sexy looking. Bulldog has the crowd going insane as he hits his vertical delay suplex ON VADER. Yes, he actually held him there for a bit. I don’t care if you like Bulldog or not, but that’s just freaking scary power.

Lafon and Mero are in now, and for some reason, Mero is on long term offense. What was the appeal of this guy? The boxing thing I think was what killed him as it was just far too one dimensional. Blackman comes in and clearly knows what he’s doing as JR tries to convince us he’s not a trained wrestler. It’s so painfully obvious that he is as he is clearly experienced at least in something beyond the basics as he’s crisp and is going on instinct as you can tell.

He beats up all four heels, or maybe they’re faces as I’m not sure anymore (Russo’s vision begins to come true). Anyway they hit the floor and Blackman is counted out as he doesn’t know the rules that well yet. Well at least that makes sense storyline wise. For some reason this takes a minute or so to explain to him. Ross contradicts himself again by saying Blackman knows and then later that he doesn’t know catch as catch can style.

Neidhart against Mero now, so the level of talent is somehow going up. Neidhart majored in psychology at UCLA. That’s actually kind of impressive. I didn’t know that one. Vader apparently likes USC because he kills Neidhart with power moves and a splash. How many times is Anvil overpowered?

Lafon knocks Vader to the floor with nothing but kicks, which is kind of impressive as well. They hit the floor and Vader is getting beaten up. How did he fall so far in a single year? At Summerslam 96 he was the top heel in the company and now he’s in the midcard at best. He KILLS Lafon with a belly to belly that looked amazingly painful to set up a huge splash from the middle rope, and we’re down to 3-2.

Furnas hits the weakest looking dropkick that I can ever remember which of course drops Vader. It was worse than the springboard version that Tyler Reks uses. In a BADLY botched spot, Mero goes for his moonsault from the top, but Furnas I think was trying to turn it into a powerslam where he would slam Mero forward. Somehow, and I don’t actually know how this happened, Mero wound up on top.

Mero was coming down with a good looking moonsault to a standing Furnas, and Furnas hit the mat head first. This defied anything resembling a law of physics. The announcers are even confused on who got hit with what. He gets the tag to Bulldog, who gets one of the absolute loudest roars I’ve ever heard. That was beyond a pop. The fans were so loud there you almost couldn’t hear a slam on the mat.

It’s a shame he would leave over what happens in the main event. Furnas pins Mero with tights being held. Thank goodness one of them is gone at least. They were both just annoying. Mero had no character at all. I know he was a boxer, but come on now. There’s just no substance there at all. Goldust still hasn’t been in the match at all. Even the announcers point out that Vader has carried his team here and that’s certainly true.

He’s the only one that hasn’t gotten embarrassed out there. Goldust refuses to tag in, blaming a hand injury. This would be the start of a bad feud between the two with Goldust becoming the Artist Formerly Known As Goldust. Apparently he’s rejecting his responsibilities by divorcing his wife and giving up as a father. I hate angles that get that in depth. It’s just complete overkill. My eyes just bugged out. Furnas hit an overhead belly to belly on Vader and got air underneath it.

I mean Vader was airborne for that. That’s two times in this match that he’s been put in power moves. I don’t ever recall that, and it’s not like he’s dropped weight or something at this point. That was impressive. He follows that up with a Frankensteiner. Good grief this guy isn’t half bad. He’s trying if nothing else. Furnas isn’t a big guy or anything. According to Wikipedia he’s 5’11 and under 250lbs.

That’s below average actually, but he made it look awesome. I’m impressed if nothing else. I’m also legit surprised that these two never got over at all. Vader has finally had enough and nails Goldust who walks out. Ross says he’s walking about on his team and country, just like he did on his family. Vader hits the Vader Bomb to end Furnas and in about 20 seconds Bulldog smacks him (kind of) with the bell to win it with a HUGE pop.

Rating: B+. This was just a sweet match. This is the closest Vader ever got to being the dominant force he should have been after Summerslam 96. He just looked awesome on all levels out there, hitting everything perfectly and looking like a guy that should have been the captain of his team.

For the life of me I don’t get why he didn’t get pushed. I also don’t get why Smith is so over here. I mean he’s getting a pop that should be reserved for Bret in Canada. This was just a fun match overall and the ending worked perfectly. It doesn’t make up for the first two, but I’m interested now at least.

Buy this Steve Austin shirt.

We get a recap of Kane’s arrival, which I’ve always thought was one of the best done feuds in wrestling history. It worked for a number of reasons, but the big one was he was talked about for months but you never saw him. You kept hearing the name Kane and you saw Taker’s reactions to it. That’s a brilliant strategy for debuting a character.

You keep hearing about someone over and over again and eventually you don’t care what he looks like and you’re going to think he’s awesome no matter what you see. That’s exactly what happened here, and the debut went great too. It brought Taker to a level he doesn’t go to that often, but when he does it’s EPIC. Anyway, this is happening because Kane was beating up random people and one of them was Dude Love. Foley became Mankind again to fight Kane, leading us to this.

Kane vs. Mankind

This is Kane’s major debut for all intents and purposes. He beat up some jobbers (the Hardy Boys actually) but hasn’t had any official match against legit competition yet. Mankind says he’ll throw himself against a brick wall as many times as he has to until he knocks it down. Foley meets him in the aisle and it’s on immediately.

Kane throws him into the steps and he’s in trouble. Everything in covered in that red light here too which is always annoying. There’s the fire out of the corner and hey we get a bell too. Cactus Clothesline as we more or less say screw the ring. Kane throws the steps at Foley’s head as this is one sided so far. Back inside now.

Domination here by Kane. On the floor though Kane takes a hot shot into the steps and for the first time ever Kane is in trouble. Foley caves his head in with a chair and Kane kind of shakes it off. Piledriver by Foley but Mankind goes after Paul Bearer instead. Kane pops up and launches Mankind from the apron through the announce table. Nice one.

Tito Santana is hurt somehow. It would be nice to see this but with that red light everywhere you can’t really see anything. Ross wrote that off as a power. I love little things like that. Mankind gets a DDT on the floor as he won’t die. He hits the elbow from the apron which he blames most of his hip injuries on. Kane lays him out on the floor as momentum shifts again. Tombstone ends this clean.

Rating: C+. I don’t get the point of the red light but whatever. This was sloppy, but I think that was the point. It’s Kane’s first time in a ring allegedly, and Foley is sloppy to begin with so that makes sense. For a debut, it did exactly what it was supposed to do: it made Kane look like an absolute monster that could kill whomever he faced.

The choice of Mankind was perfect considering what he had done to Taker in the past. You knew the showdown was coming, but the only question was when. When it finally happened at Mania 14, the drama could not have been better, and the whole thing delivered perfectly.

Send in your cable bill and get a free dog tag. They should do more stuff like this. It’s a good customer relations thing. Maybe throw out a t-shirt or something like that.

We go to the back where Vince and Slaughter (the Commissioner at the time and in Vince’s pocket) is with Cole. Slaughter guarantees the match will happen tonight. Oddly that has nothing to do with the Screwjob. Part of the problem leading up this was that the match had been scheduled before but it kept getting canceled due to injuries.

That’s why a lot of people thought the ending was another work because it had happened so many times, with the people thinking the REAL rematch would be at Mania 14. Obviously they were wrong. Vince says he doesn’t know who will win, but he just ever so slightly chuckles before he says it.

It’s so tiny that you wouldn’t notice it the first time watching the show. Granted, it easily could have been classified as just Vince being unsure for kayfabe’s sake. This was destined to be huge, but unfortunately it’s for the wrong reasons.

Nation of Domination vs. Ken Shamrock/Ahmed Johnson/LOD

The Nation is Farrooq, Kama (Godfather), D’Lo Brown and Rock, who was absolutely hated at this point. Like I said yesterday, he was so happy all the time and the people got flat out sick of it. He got hurt and came back as the heel Rock, joining the Nation which was what he needed to do all along. The company knew that they had struck gold with him so the next night, the angle that made his career began as he called out Steve Austin for the first time.

They met the next month at DX In Your House in the infamous truck match where the Austin style match was firmly cemented. The next night, Austin said he was going for the world title, and the rest is history. Those two had such a great chemistry together that it’s hard to come up with a pair that also had it. This feud gave us the absolutely amazing pager sequence, which ranks among my favorite wrestling moments ever.

It was just done perfectly and they had the crowd in the palms of their hands. Anyway, tangent over and let’s get to this. Ahmed is still in his eternal feud with the Nation, having actually turned heel for about a week before getting hurt AGAIN. He would be gone soon though. Shamrock was about to start feuding with Rock around the time of the Rumble, and the LOD are just faces fighting heels. We go to the back for an interview with the faces.

Shamrock has to talk loudly to be heard over the Rocky Sucks chants. He’s on a microphone and the crowd is drowning him out. That’s a hot crowd. LOD are the tag champions here as well. Shamrock is clearly reading off a script. Hawk gets about as close to a Warrior promo as you can while still making sense. Animal and Ahmed don’t talk. I get Ahmed but Animal was decent at talking.

It seems like whenever someone comes out they get no reaction but the fans pop after the name is said. I guess that’s the custom up there. I keep thinking that it’s odd that someone that was pushed pretty well is getting nothing from the crowd, but then it comes and my mind is calmed. A fan has a Stone Cold for President sign. I’ve been to Canada before, and I don’t remember them having a president.

Shamrock is apparently the future of the company. That’s just odd. He gets a very good pop though. Ahmed gets a good one as well. He’s just a freak, plain and simple. Ahmed actually looks more intimidating than Lesnar did. Now if he had any single pit of skill, he’s have been in the Hall of Fame 10 years ago. They both got good pops, but the one for LOD is epic. The fans blow the roof off for them to say the least. They’re a gimmick that just flat out works.

Both of them just look like they could beat the living heck out of anyone you put in the ring with them, and that often times is all you need. They don’t have their spikes though, which is odd to see. The belts just look perfect on them though. Screw Demolition, this is the coolest team ever. Ok that’s nonsense because I really like both teams but I don’t see them at the moment so my allegiance lies with the Road Warriors at the moment.

Hawk and D’Lo start and Brown is beaten up pretty badly here. He tags Rock in and Hawk slaps him a few times. He hits the ropes and someone hits him off camera, sending him into a somewhat odd looking Rock Bottom. He didn’t have the move down yet and it’s obvious that he didn’t. That took about a minute after the action started, so they’re clearly pushing Rocky hard here as they should.

Apparently this shocks JR, which means it was likely pretty average. Ahmed’s right leg looks like it’s covered in armor. Replays show that it was Kama that hit Hawk. How exactly do you knock someone down with authority? I’ve never gotten that term. Brown gets a leather strap from somewhere and whips Ahmed with it in the corner.

Farrooq beats on him for awhile but as he goes for the Dominator, Johnson rolls over, spins Farrooq around and hits the Pearl River Plunge for the pin to tie us up at three. Well that was quick. Brown comes in and hits the Low Down in about four seconds but doesn’t cover. It doesn’t have a name yet at Brown isn’t even the small deal that he would become. He’s about as low as you can get at this point.

Anyway, Ahmed gets up as Brown punches him. There is literally no reaction from Ahmed. It’s like that Bruiser Brody vs. Luger cage match where Brody stopped selling, but in this case it’s just Ahmed coming back. Dude at least let your head go back a bit to make it look like you’re trying. I get what you’re going for here but it’s just not working.

Ahmed hits a front falling suplex which for some reason the announcers have no idea how to describe. They call it everything from a reverse Michinoku Driver to a reverse Pearl River Plunge. Guys, it’s a front falling suplex. It’s been done many times before. Now we get to the stupid part of the match as Brown is on the mat and Ahmed hits the ropes. Farrooq has stayed at ringside and trips Ahmed and holds his foot down so Rock can just climb on him and pin him.

The other referee tries to get Rock to stop, but doesn’t do anything about it like perhaps yell about how there’s ANOTHER GUY HOLDING HIS FOOT to the in ring referee. He also doesn’t even tell the referee after the pin. So wait, what’s the point of the outside referee? Is his job to just get the wrestlers to the back? If that’s the case why not just have Dog the Bounty Hunter out there? Or maybe Cartman? Is Grannie from the Beverly Hillbillies still alive? Maybe she could referee.

Also, let’s take a look at the referee in the ring. Number one, he sees Farrooq at ringside. He has to. He was there almost two minutes after he was pinned so I’m assuming the referee looked in that area at least once. If not he should be fired. Even still, let’s assume he was distracted by some cotton candy in the 14th row. Doesn’t it seem odd that a man randomly falling down with no one even in the area?

Actually wait, Farroq was near there. Hmm, the other referee is clearly trying to yell at someone in that area. Eh must be autograph hounds. You know how popular we referees are among Croatian youths age 8-12. Finally, what the heck? Ahmed was literally not even moving a few seconds ago when a grown man was punching him in the jaw, and now being tripped prevents him from raising his shoulder?

The guy is a freaking tank and he can’t raise his arm because someone has a grip on his foot? Tell me in any way shape or form how that even begins to make sense. I mean seriously, that’s the best he can do? He can’t even throw up his shoulder? I get that he was supposed to get beaten, but freaking move blast it. It’s not even realistic at all. Once Rocky gets off, Ahmed pops up and chases Farrooq to the back and they brawl on the way. Does Rock weigh as much as an actual rock or something? That was just ridiculously stupid. Getting rid of Ahmed by cheating make sense, but for the love of turnips is it that hard to do it with some intelligence?

ANYWAY, Rocky sucks apparently. He’s not the only thing. We have Rock vs. Shamrock now which would become one of the big feuds in a few months, yet Shamrock wouldn’t really ever do much because of one simple reason: he never took the title from Rock. He beat him about 5 times but he never got the title. That was kind of pointless but whatever. Somehow we’re not even halfway through with this match and I’ve said this much already.

This was during a weird time in the Nation as Rock was usurping Farroq’s leadership as he was clearly the bigger star. Somehow there was never a big match between the two. I never got why it didn’t happen. Kama and Animal go at it for awhile and I literally have never heard a quieter crowd. Rocky Sucks apparently though. Some weird sound effect goes off which the announcers clearly didn’t know was coming.

I think the sound guy (Kevin Dunn according to Lawler) fell asleep from how boring that segment was. Animal rolls up Kama to make it 2-2. It’s Brown and Rock against Animal and Shamrock. JR says it’s back down to 2-2. When was it 2-2 before Jimbo? Shamrock wearing black doesn’t work because his opponents are all wearing it. It just isn’t working that well from a looks perspective.

Brown low blows him to stop the momentum. Due to this, Rocky is gay. Lawler knows what lackadaisical, or however you spell that, means. Hey, since D’lo and Shamrock are fighting, let’s talk about Austin vs. Owen. Is this WCW all of a sudden? Jennifer Aniston is on the Tonight Show so I’m officially distracted. Granted it didn’t take much at this point as this match is going on a bit too long, but at least there’s a point to this one unlike the first two of them.

Eventually Animal and Rock get tagged in and as Animal is cleaning house, the Outlaws come out. Road Dogg has Animal’s spikes and Gunn is wearing Road Warrior face paint. It amuses me how they stole the spikes and the LOD didn’t just perhaps go to their locker room and take them back. Wouldn’t that have solved a lot of issues?

Billy throws powder in Animal’s eyes and he gets counted out. Billy Gunn with white powder. The cocaine jokes write themselves. Animal gives chase, since apparently Hawk was busy playing dominos or something.

It’s Shamrock against Brown and Rock. Apparently Shamrock made both Bret and Shawn tap within the last two weeks. I remember Shawn tapping but not Bret. Wait yes I do remember Bret’s tapping. King says that this is wrestling and you don’t win by tapping out. Ross says like heck you don’t. Ok wait a minute. Lawler was trying to say that tapping out means nothing in wrestling, but in reality he said the right thing: if you tap, you don’t win.

Ross says apparently that you do. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight. Lawler messed up a line but was incorrect in the first place so his mistake made him correct, and Ross corrected Lawler’s mistake but in reality Lawler was right so Ross’ correction was incorrect? X, I think I might have to get you to teach me how to do drugs. This is absurd on so many levels anymore. Rock won’t tag Brown.

Oh wait yeah he did, making him saying no completely pointless. Shamrock hits that sweet belly to belly that he would do and gets the ankle for the tap out on Brown. It’s not a suplex but more of a throw so there we are. Rock nails him with a chair as the ref is getting Brown out but he kicks out. Rock hits that spinning DDT he would do that I don’t think ever had a name. I think on Wrestlemania 2000 it was called the Maivia Hurricane.

Ross says Shamrock was shot with a shotgun. What in the world does that even mean? Ok I get what it means but why did he say it? I’m chalking that up to just another randomly stupid JR line. Rock hits the People’s Elbow, which wasn’t named or a big deal yet so he just looks like a complete moron pointing like that. Ok so he looked like a moron when it was a big deal too, but shockingly he doesn’t get the pin.

Could that have anything to do with the fact THAT IT’S A STANDARD ELBOW DROP? The ropes don’t add any momentum because the big leg kick slows him down. It’s a dumb move and I’ve never been able to stand it. Here’s the comeback from Kenny as it amazes me that when this was taking place, South Park was three months old. DANG that show has been around forever. Rock taps to the ankle lock in a pretty easy ending for Shamrock.

Rating: B. There are very slow parts here but also some very good parts. The ending was very solid with Shamrock looking great as he gets the clean tap out win over Rock. That would be enough to get him a world title match next month. Other than that, there’s some ok stuff here. For a twenty minute match, this was fine. It has some parts that drag and would have been better at about 3 minutes shorter, but overall I’m fine with this. Good match.

There’s a new attendance record for this building. JR calls the WWF the leader in pro wrestling. I can’t make a joke here. That’s just such a flat out lie that it’s beyond jokes. The company was so close to being dead at this point that words don’t describe it. Ok so maybe they do, but WCW was completely dominant at this point.

The change was coming, but it was nothing Vince did. WCW just screwed up so completely and then Vince capitalized on it, but dang man the idea of Vince saving anything. WCW screwed up and WWF took the opening, plain and simple.

Order DX In Your House next month. All the cool kids are doing it.

We get a recap of Austin and all his injuries and how he’d never quit. We also see him getting dropped on his head at Summerslam, which changed his entire life and career. Owen doesn’t like him either. Austin had to forfeit the title which Owen won in a tournament thanks to Austin, who wanted to beat Owen for it.

Intercontinental Title: Owen Hart vs. Steve Austin

Austin gets a solid pop, but it’s nothing major. He flips off the crowd so we know how this is going to go. He got hurt two months ago and he’s wrestling here? Owen has the siren music here which is rather annoying. You can tell Austin is loving getting to be the jerk heel again. He was on the verge of shattering the glass ceiling and it was just a matter of time before he would. Owen comes out with Bulldog, Neidhart and Furnas and Lafon.

Apparently that name is spelled Lafond. I’m not going back and changing them so get over it. Owen’s Owen 3:16 says I just broke your neck shirt is either awesome or tasteless. I’m not sure which one. We get the big stall from Owen to start which is classic heel stuff, but he’s clearly the face here. It’s just hard to book shows in Canada because you need to keep the heels and faces acting accordingly, but that’s very rarely going to fly up there so what can you do?

Neidhart tries to sneak in and gets a Stunner and we’re off and running. The Break His Neck chant starts up as well. The vest is still on. Owen sets for a piledriver and the fans LOVE it. Owen and Team Canada leave, which Lawler says is Owen opening a can of haul off. I’m not sure if that’s funny or not but I think it is. The announce table that Mankind went through is still down, which is funny because they’re just sitting there in chairs, so Owen rams him into the table as it’s on the floor.

Owen is trying to lose via DQ and tries to ring his own bell. That sounds like a bad porn title. In a weird ending, Austin reverses Owen in the corner, stomps the mudhole, tries the same piledriver that injured him, flips Owen off and stuns his way to the title. Team Canada takes them as well and that’s it? That was barely four minutes long, but ok I guess. The goal was accomplished.

My guess is that was all Austin could do as a lot of this was choking and really basic stuff. Austin winning gets a HUGE face pop, which is surprising. Actually it’s not. Austin was the undisputed top face in the company everywhere else, so that actually does make sense. It’s saying something when someone is more popular than a Hart in Canada.

Rating: C. I’m calling it average because there just isn’t enough here to really go on. It’s fine I guess, but in four minutes with a lot of stalling and stuff on the floor there’s only so much I can grade. Austin was still banged up and you could see that he was wrestling a very different style over the next few months and even years due to the injury.

The car angle in two years was when he took the time off for surgery. By then his neck was just a complete mess and it didn’t do all it should have, but he did it for the company. That’s why I have issues with people saying Austin owes Vince something. That may be true, but Vince owes Austin a new neck, or half the company, one or the other.

And now, we have arrived. This is going to be different indeed as this is just such a famous moment that it’s hard to write about. I’m not sure how many jokes are going to be here as it’s not really something that’s easy to poke fun at but here we go.

We get the recap of Bret vs. Shawn from Mania 12, which I’m sure you’ve all known. There’s a review of it in Old School if you don’t know. Bret doesn’t like Shawn, period. He claims that he keeps getting screwed. The rematch was supposed to have happened at Mania 13, but Shawn was “injured”, which is still questioned to this day. Bret got Austin in the submission match, so he did ok as well.

Shawn accidentally caused Bret to win the WWF Title at Summerslam by swinging a chair at Bret but hitting Taker. That led to Shawn vs. Taker which ended in the first ever Cell match, which Shawn won to become number one contender. This is his title shot, and the first rematch in over a year and a half between these two.

This was always going to be epic. There’s some great arguments in here with Shawn saying he does this because he loves it and that Bret does this because he feels he has to. There’s a lot in that line.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

We see DX, which in this case is Shawn, HHH, Chyna and Rick Rude coming down to the ring from backstage. Shawn is European Champion here as well since the belt meant very little. He would drop it to HHH soon, literally just laying down for him in a rather funny moment. There’s more to it than that but that’s the gist of it. Shawn is booed out of the building of course, which means he’s doing a fine job.

He tells the Canadian flag to suck it and then humps it, which followed by a cut to a sign that says Shawn = Fag is a rather funny moment. We can infer from this that the flag is male. Bret and company are shown coming to the ring and the cheers start already. The announcer can barely be heard over the ovation he gets. Word hadn’t gotten out that this was likely his last night, so that’s a legit pop. My goodness that’s insane.

Bret waving the Canadian flag looks perfect. We’re underway and Shawn is getting his face kicked in. Maybe it hasn’t started yet. Either way, Bret is just owning everyoone here. In essence this is just a big pre match fight and since Bret is getting to beat on Shawn, I doubt he’s complaining about working more than he’s required to. For the first time ever that I can remember, Bret hits the headbutt and hurts his own head.

Vince and the Stooges come out to try to stop the brawl, and you can see the pieces falling into play already. Shawn takes over and they go into the crowd again. Ross mentions that there are rumors that if Bret loses he’s done. I don’t think that had been previously mentioned, so this was clearly a huge deal on many levels despite what else was coming. Slaughter is there too as they fight up the aisle.

Some of the referees get taken out as we’re five minutes into this and they were in the ring all of 8 seconds of it. The rest of it has just been a wild brawl. Bret knocks out another referee and they’re at the entry way so this part is going to go on for awhile. Vince gets in his face as I’m impressed with Vince being able to stay in character knowing what’s coming soon. After seven minutes we’re in the ring and Bret is choking Shawn with a Fleur De Lis flag.

Less than a minute after we actually start Shawn hits the forearm and the nip up and now he’s in control. Shawn chokes him with the flag and Bret is lightly bleeding. It really is hard to not just do commentary here. They go back to the floor again because we haven’t had enough of that yet in this match/fight. The announcers debate who has better cardio which they say Shawn does. If they knew anything was coming, they didn’t let on at all.

A piledriver on the stairs doesn’t work but Shawn keeps control. He breaks the flag and hits Bret in the chest with the pole. Fighting on the floor follows. This has been about 80% on the floor. Naturally, they’re back in there now. Even in the most infamous matches ever my timing is great. Bret does a weird sell as he gets hit by a top rope axe handle but pauses for a second before selling. Maybe it was just a reaction thing.

Shawn is apparently using some of Stu’s old moves. That’s either brilliant or stupid. If Stu used them a lot, wouldn’t Bret know the counters to them? Just as I say that, Bret counters. Bret goes for the knee but Shawn stops him again. Bret reverses a top rope cross body and gets a long two. I wonder what would have happened if he had gotten a fluke pin like that. Figure four on the pole, which I’m still trying to get how the pole actually helps here. I’ve never gotten hat one.

It’s standard (I will not say vintage…blast it) Bret here as he goes for the figure four. The fans chant Bret Sold Out, so apparently they knew he was gone. After a good amount of time in it, Shawn reverses and Bret breaks it with ropes. So it was Bret in the ring with the rope? Yeah I’ve got nothing for this. The match itself is solid actually so it’s even harder to do. Bret initiates his ending sequence, but for some reason he goes to the top for the elbow.

The extra time allows Shawn to pull the referee in the way so we know what’s coming. And there it is. Shawn goes for the Sharpshooter, which he does wrong at first. Earl Hebner doesn’t even get down to check with Bret and calls for the bell. He’s out of the ring as fast as humanly possible. In one of the most famous scenes in wrestling history, Bret spits on Vince as he automatically knew what was going on.

The camera on Bret’s face a second before this tells the whole story. He knew he got screwed over. Shawn plays innocent before walking by Vince and then grabbing the belt and jetting out of the arena. I think Vince might have said something. Since this is the home video release, we go straight to bonus footage after the show went off the air. Bret’s music plays as Bulldog tries to talk to him. You can tell Bret isn’t hearing a word he’s saying as he’s in his own world right now.

His face is a mixture of anger and being upset, but he really doesn’t look surprised. Anvil comes in and gets the same treatment. It’s clear that the fans don’t grasp what just happened and there’s no reason they should. He high fives a few fans and then goes nuts on the equipment from the announce tables, slamming monitors on the floor as we really go off the air. It’s probably better that they didn’t show what else happened backstage after the show.

Shawn played innocent, the Harris Brothers (Skull and 8-Ball of the DOA) went to Shawn and HHH and Vince and said they were on their side no matter what, and Bret took a shower. Vince was locked in his office in fear for his life. Undertaker literally kicked the door in and dragged Vince out to face Bret like a man. Bret had just gotten out of the shower when this happened, so during the confrontation, Bret was freshly out of the shower.

He punched Vince in the jaw and Vince staggered backwards. He stepped on Brisco’s foot and broke his ankle. That’s just great. Taker and Foley were on the verge of quitting and heading to WCW that night actually. Bulldog, Owen and Neidhart did quit, but Owen came back a month later. Bret debuted in WCW soon, and at Starrcade 97’s main event of Hogan vs. Sting, WCW in a way parodied/referenced the Screwjob, which ultimately resulted in their downfall as I’ve mentioned many times before.

Rating: B+. All historic aspects aside, this was a very intense match that worked very well. Both guys were gods in the ring so it’s not like they couldn’t put on a good match. It’s the polar opposite of the Iron Man match, but that’s good I think. This is more of a fight than a match, but that’s fine by me. The match itself is overlooked I think, as no one even remembers anything but the finish.

Overall Rating: B+. Again, this is with all historic aspects of the main event aside. The show starts off really bad but it picks up very well afterwards. The crowd is white hot as most Canadian crowds tend to be which helps a lot. Everyone looks like they’re working hard and having a lot of fun, which is what makes a card great as well. The stories were advanced or ended here, which is what PPV is for.

Even the first match is ok I guess, meaning that this is a very recommended show. It’s well done and a great peak into what’s coming in the months and years to come while still having that taste of old school in it. It’s a great blend, which is an excellent and difficult component to have. Check the whole thing out as it’s very well worth your time.

And now, for the white elephant in the room. Obviously, this is one of the most famous and influential moments in wrestling history as nearly twelve years later at Breaking Point they redid it with Punk vs. Taker. For those of you that aren’t familiar with the story, here’s the basics of it. Note: there is likely FAR more to it than this, but there have been full books written about this night so I’ll have to go with the shorter version.

After Wrestlemania 12, Bret began negotiating a new contract with Vince while at the same time, WCW was offering him a ton of money. Bret was loyal to Vince and signed a mind blowing 20 year contract. The idea was that Bret would wrestle three more years then move into a management job with occasional TV appearances, similar to what someone like Foley was doing a few years ago.

In short, Vince ran out of money and couldn’t pay huge amounts to Bret after the first year and Vince told Bret that for his own financial security, he should go to WCW where the money would be guaranteed. Note: Bret had Vince’s blessing. Anyway, Shawn and Bret had NEVER gotten along, period. Bret was worried about the Clique’s booking powers growing rapidly and the rise of the Attitude Era, so he decided that he should go.

He had been working with Shawn on house shows, and at one of them Shawn called him out for sleeping with Sunny. That didn’t help things obviously. Then at a show in I think San Jose, Bret said he would lose to Shawn if asked to. Shawn said he would NEVER lose to Hart. Granted, this comes from Bret’s book and I’m always skeptical about anything any wrestler says.

Shawn would later say this was a lie and that Shawn would have no problem losing to Bret as he had before. I lean towards Bret here, as Shawn had lost to him when Shawn was just a blip on the radar and never when they were both the top dogs in the company. Shawn’s ego went through the roof by that time and it seems very plausible for him to say he wouldn’t lose to Bret. Anyway, due to Shawn saying this, Bret changed his mind and said he wouldn’t lose to Shawn at Survivor Series.

Now we get to the hard part. Bret’s contract expires Sunday night, but he’s still champion. He says he’ll lose to anyone that Vince asks him to other than Shawn with zero complaints. Names like Austin, Shamrock, Taker, Mankind and Ahmed were thrown around for this, but in no way shape or form would he lose to Shawn in Canada.

So they struck a deal where Bret would keep the belt in Canada and the next night on Raw he would either surrender it or lose in a title match to someone Vince would decide on between the time the deal was made and Raw. So we get to Canada, and Vince is terrified that Bret is going to pull out on the deal. Now depending on who you want to listen to, anywhere from three to about 10 guys were in on the Screwjob.

There are so many theories out there from Bret was in on the whole thing (which isn’t that unplausible actually. The idea would have been Bret leaves for two to three years and then comes back in a shocker to face Vince and Shawn at Mania. Shawn would get hurt two months after this though and would be out for four and a half years. Bret would get hurt just over two years after Montreal, so neither of those things happened.

It’s still I guess a possible theory though. The basic theory that I believe is that Vince, HHH, Shawn, Brisco and Hebner were the only ones that knew. Vince secretly changed the ending of the match from Shawn getting the Sharpshooter and Bret countering into one of his own for the tap out into what actually happened.

You can see Bret going for the pre planned counter when the bell rings. Bret went to WCW and has been seen on WWE programming twice since: at his Hall of Fame induction and in a taped segment for Vince Appreciation Night. Anyway, that’s the main idea of it. Obviously there’s a lot more, but that would go on for days.

The more I’ve read about it, the more I side with Vince. Think about this for a minute. The common comparison that is made is that Vince was afraid that Bret would show up on Nitro with the belt etc. and do what Alundra Blayze did with the Women’s Title. That’s far from the truth. If you think about it, Vince, as a wrestling historian and fan, would have been worried about what he had done six years earlier with Ric Flair and the NWA Title.

Due to Flair taking that title to the WWF, the WCW Champion was looked at as a complete joke. Why should anyone care about their champion when they’re nothing more than a paper title holder? The NWA hasn’t recovered from that yet and never will recover from that. Vince had his back to the wall to put it mildly with WCW’s foot on his throat so he had to do what he had to do. I know that what he did wasn’t right, but dang man how much can you ask him to put up with?

Ok, I get that Bret didn’t want to lose to Shawn, but come on now Bret. It’s one match at the end of a 14 year Hall of Fame career. Lose to cheating or something like that. Bret’s pride got in the way here. There is no reason to not drop a title on your way out the door. I would say it’s unprofessional, but Vince wasn’t exactly a saint here either so that’s not fair to put on Bret.

Like I said though, how much can you ask Vince to have to deal with though? I think that’s overlooked a lot in this: the position Vince was in at the time. We all know that Bret was in an awkward spot, but what about Vince? His company was on the brink of bankruptcy, his talent was leaving left and right for WCW, he was getting killed in the ratings, and now he has to worry about his belt being disgraced on WCW.

Actually wait. I need to clarify that. Bret couldn’t show up with the belt, but even if he didn’t, it would have been disastrous for Vince. Like with Flair, if Bret is never beaten for the title and he leaves, why should we believe anyone that gets the belt next is a realistic champion? They never beat Bret. Bret is the WWF champion, not say Shamrock or whomever gets it next.

With the position that Vince was in, he was completely stuck and had to do something. While I don’t think it was the best choice, I honestly don’t know of anything else he could have done. As for Shawn, he’s the most innocent of all in this I think. He shot his mouth off yes, but he was just a pawn in this whole thing. He’s the guy that’s standing next to a fight but not doing anything in it.

Anyone that was in his place would have gotten the same looks, but honestly what is he guilty of? Nothing at all. He did what his boss told him to do. Shawn is innocent. As a whole, I think Bret doesn’t get enough of the blame and Vince gets too much. Vince should get more than Bret, but not as much as he gets.

It was a horrible situation, but I think Bret pushed it too far. I understand where he was coming from, but I think his pride went too far and he became selfish. I know this is going to get some replies and arguments, so bring them on.

 

 

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Survivor Series Count-Up – 1996 (2012 Redo): The Blue Chip

Survivor Series 1996
Date: November 17, 1996
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,647
Commentators: Jim Ross, Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

To MSG we go as we’re in a very different era here. Shawn is world champion but is also burned out and needing some time away from the ring. He’s defending against Sid tonight, but that’s not the important thing tonight. There’s a major debut, but aside from that, we’ve got Bret Hart returning for the first time since losing the title to Shawn to face a bald headed Texan who is tired of hearing how great guys like Hart are and wants to prove how great he is. His name is Stone Cold Steve Austin and tonight is his coming out party. Let’s get to it.

After a quick look at what’s been going on in MSG to hype the show we’re ready to go.

Team Furnas and Lafon vs. Team Owen Hart/British Bulldog

Doug Furnas, Phillip Lafon, Godwinns

Owen Hart, British Bulldog, New Rockers

The New Rockers are Leif Cassidy (Al Snow) and Marty Jannetty. Furnas and Lafon are feuding with Hart and Bulldog for Smith and Hart’s tag titles. Furnas and Lafon were a team who mainly worked in AJPW in Japan who were better than they’re given credit for. Apparently Furnas is the one with the long hair. Got it. I can never remember which is which. Lafon vs. Marty starts things off and they trade arm holds, but Lafon avoids a monkey flip. The Rockers are heels here if that’s not clear.

Off to Cassidy who is a better technical guy. Lafon goes after the leg but Cassidy comes back with a leg drag. Off to Phineas who spits into the air, catches it, and rubs it in his hair. Cassidy messes with Phineas and hides in the ropes as a result. A clothesline puts Godwin down and it’s off to Owen for some stomping. Off to Bulldog for more beating but I keep getting distracted by the agents and other people coming in and out of the door to the backstage area at the top of the aisle.

Eventually we get down to Marty vs. Phineas with Jannetty taking over with a jumping back elbow. Marty loads up his Superbomb but gets crotched. Phineas loads up a superplex (JR: “How stupid was that of him?”) but gets shoved down. Marty misses an elbow and there’s the hot tag minus the heat to bring in Henry vs. Marty. Phineas dives into the corner to stop Henry from hitting the buckle and it’s the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) to eliminate Jannetty. Owen immediately spinwheel kicks Henry to tie it up.

Phineas goes into one of his fits and beats up everyone, but Bulldog gets a blind tag and powerslams Phineas to make it 3-2. All three of those eliminations were in less than a minute so I didn’t skip anything. It’s Furnas/Lafon vs. Cassidy/Hart/Bulldog. Furnas and Bulldog start things off and Furnas is in trouble. Off to Cassidy for a spinning Rock Bottom for two. Furnas speeds things up but Owen gets a blind tag in and hits a sweet missile dropkick for two.

A fisherman’s suplex gets two for Owen and some heel triple teaming has Furnas in trouble. JR goes on another rant about how the two referees are making no difference here. This is during the time when JR had gone heel for the first time but it wouldn’t last much longer. Back to Cassidy who hits a gutbuster but doesn’t cover for some reason. Cassidy misses a charge and there’s the tag to Lafon, who hits a quick reverse superplex to eliminate Leif and get us down to the main two tag teams.

It’s Lafon vs. Bulldog with Davey being dropped on his face. Owen comes in with a cross body for two. A neckbreaker and a legdrop get two on Lafon as does an enziguri. Back to Bulldog who kicks Lafon low to keep control. Things break down a bit and Lafon hits a quick sunset flip on Smith for the elimination. It’s Owen vs. Furnas and Lafon with Lafon in the ring to start the last part.

Owen goes after the leg including an Indian Deathlock and the Sharpshooter but Furnas makes the save. Lafon hits a spin kick to take Hart down and there’s the hot tag to Furnas (pun intended). Doug destroys Owen with suplexes and a release German gets the final pin. Furnas beat him in about thirty seconds.

Rating: C+. This didn’t suck but it didn’t hit a level they were reaching for. Furnas and Lafon didn’t look right here and the crowd didn’t really know who they were yet, so the place was hardly rocking. It’s not a bad match but it didn’t quite work like it was supposed to. Things will pick up soon on this show though.

Kevin Kelly is in the boiler room with Mankind, who he abandoned Undertaker for at Summerslam. Tonight the huge rivalry continues with Bearer locked in a small cage above the ring. This is when Mankind was still relatively new (he debuted about six and a half months before this) and no one knew what to make of him yet. All anyone knew was he could beat up Undertaker which was unheard of at the time.

Mankind vs. Undertaker

Bearer has to be locked in the small cage. This is a Cornette Special. Taker lowers down from the rafters in what can only be called a Batman costume minus the mask. Taker also has on a new attire for this, which is basically a biker vest and leather pants. That would become his standard look for the next three years or so. Mankind rams him into the small cage to start and they head to the floor very quickly.

Back in and Taker gets all fired up before busting out a drop toehold. He goes after Mankind’s right arm to take away the Mandible Claw, which is the only hold that can stop Undertaker. Taker puts on a cross armbreaker of all things, which is something he would occasionally bust out when he was MMA Cowboy Of Death mode but I didn’t think he did it back here. Apparently if Taker wins he gets five minutes with Mankind. We head back to the floor with Taker ramming the arm into the barricade again. Back in and Taker misses an elbow but he sits up immediately.

We head to the floor for the third time via a Cactus Clothesline and they head into the crowd. Mankind charges at Taker but gets backdropped over the barricade and onto the concrete. A low blow puts Taker down on the apron and down onto the floor, where Mankind hits the elbow off the apron. Taker gets sent into the buckle but comes back with an elbow to the face.

Taker headbutts him halfway out of the ring as this continues to be a total brawl so far. Undertaker bites on the Claw hand but he lowers his head and gets piledriven down for two. Mankind loads up the Claw but Taker blocks the hands. The Tombstone is countered and there’s the Claw. Taker sends him out to the floor which is one of the first times that hold has been broken.

Old School hits but Mankind pops up and hits a double arm DDT to put Taker down. Mankind goes up but jumps into a chokeslam. The Claw goes on but Taker chokeslams him anyway. Cool spot. Taker tries a cross body but he crashes over the top and out to the floor. Mankind tries a flip dive off the apron but crashes just as badly as Taker did. Back in and Mankind tries a quick sleeper, only to be suplexed down by Taker.

Even JR is talking about how much more wrestling Undertaker is doing here which is indeed a strange sight. Mankind pulls out a foreign object to stab at Taker with. Unlike Lawler’s style, there’s an actual object here for Mankind to hit him with. Mankind climbs on his back in the corner but Taker pulls Mankind down and KILLS HIM with the Tombstone for the pin.

Rating: B. Foley said in his book that this is his least favorite of the series with Taker, which is saying a lot because this is a very solid brawl. It’s physical for the full fifteen minutes it runs with two large guys beating the tar out of each other. On top of that, it’s cool to see Taker work a new style while in an entirely new attire as well. Good stuff here.

Bearer’s cage is lowered to Taker but the Executioner (Terry Gordy in a hood) makes the save. Taker beats him up but Bearer escapes.

Sunny (still smoking hot and not smoking crack here) comes out for commentary.

Team HHH, with the IC Champion as captain, is ready for Marc Mero. Mark Henry was supposed to be on HHH’s team but he’s injured. I’m shocked too.

Team Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Team Marc Mero

Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Jerry Lawler, Goldust, Crush

Marc Mero, Jake Roberts, The Stalker, Rocky Maivia

I think you know everyone here. Stalker is Barry Windham as a kind of military guerrilla warfare character. This is Rocky’s debut, so who do you think the focus is going to be on? Lawler and Roberts are feuding as well. Mero has Sable with him here. Sunny immediately freaks out on JR for suggesting Sable is hotter. She yells about being natural while Sable is about to melt near the fireworks. Rocky’s outfit looks ridiculous with kind of a cape but made of streamers that goes over his chest as well. Apparently Roberts was a surprise partner and the replacement for Henry.

Jake comes out with the big yellow snake sans bag and chases the team off with it. Goldust and Mero get things going with Marc cranking on the arm. They both block hiptosses so Mero rolls him up for two. Off to Stalker who is now just a guy in camo pants and a WWF t-shirt. Back to Mero to fire off a bunch of hiptosses to Goldie who is a bit calmer than he was last year. Rollup gets two for Mero and it’s back to the arm. Stalker pounds away at Goldie’s ribs before it’s off to HHH. Off to Mero to face Crush as HHH wanted nothing to do with Wildman (Mero).

Mero grabs the arm and for you trivia guys out there, Rocky’s first official time in a WWF ring is against Crush. It lasts all of six seconds before it’s off to Lawler who is immediately punched, kicked in the face, and knocked to the floor. You know Lawler is going to go insane with the selling too. Lawler wants nothing to do with Rocky so it’s off to HHH. Vince explains that Rocky’s name is Dwayne Johnson and that he took the name of his father and grandfather to come up with Rocky Maivia.

In the first of many matches, HHH stomps away in the corner and JR is in football mode. Goldust comes in and drops an elbow followed by some rights to the head. Crush comes in and works on the back for a bit before it’s off to Lawler. Back to HHH as Sunny makes fun of Vince for allegedly having a toupee. Rocky pounds away and backdrops HHH before it’s off to Roberts.

Jake beats up everyone but tries to get to Lawler instead of going after the legal HHH. The shortarm clothesline takes HHH down but the DDT doesn’t work. Off to Lawler who makes fun of Roberts for being an alcoholic. Lawler keeps doing it and there’s the DDT for the first elimination. Goldust comes in next as JR makes fun of the lack of tan on Roberts. We hit the chinlock for a bit until jawbreaker gets Jake out of it. Off to Stalker as JR and Sunny talk about Barry wearing lucky boots. Crush hits Stalker in the back and the Curtain Call (reverse suplex drop) gets the pin for Goldust to tie things up.

Mero comes in immediately to hit a knee lift to take over. Goldie gets in a shot and HHH finally comes in to beat on the other captain. A backbreaker puts Mero down and it’s back to Crush. This is during Crush’s gang member phase and he couldn’t look more out of place with his partners at this point. A legdrop gets two for Crush and it’s off to Goldie. Back to Crush for another backbreaker for two. Things are slowing down a bit here.

HHH comes in again and puts on an abdominal stretch. He gets caught holding the ropes and hiptossed out as is his custom with referees. A sunset flip can’t get HHH down before he makes the tag to Goldust. HHH is back in about five seconds later and let’s look at Sunny! Ok I can’t complain about that one as much. Jake is pulled in sans tag, allowing Mero to hit a moonsault press on HHH for the elimination. That was a very messy sequence with all the tags with nothing happening between them and the non-tag to Jake. Either that or I missed a tag and Mero was totally illegal when he pinned HHH.

It’s Mero/Rocky/Roberts vs. Crush/HHH. Crush comes in next and is almost immediately dropkicked out to the floor. Mero loads up a dive but Goldust makes a save and shoves Crush out of the way. Back inside, Crush’s Heart Punch (exactly what it sounds like) pins Mero. We were looking at a replay when it happened though so that’s hearsay. Roberts comes in, misses the short clothesline and is Heart Punched out as well.

We’re left with Rocky (who actually gets a face chant in MSG at this point) vs. Goldust and Crush. He starts with the one not painted like an Academy Award and accepts a Test of Strength for some reason. A small package out of nowhere gets two for Maivia and here’s Goldust again. Rocky cross bodies Crush for no count as both bad guys are in the ring at once. Goldust hits Rocky low which isn’t illegal apparently but Crush Heart Punches Goldie. Cross body pins Crush and about thirty seconds later, a shoulder breaker (Rocky’s original finisher) gets the final pin.

Rating: C+. This dragged a bit in the middle, but it accomplished three goals: Roberts got to knock Lawler out cold, Mero got to pin HHH to continue their feud, and Rocky got to debut strongly. The problem is the rest of the match wasn’t much to see. Maivia winning over guys like Crush and Goldust is a good thing because it’s unrealistic to have him beat the IC Champion and beating Lawler doesn’t mean anything because Lawler is a career jobber in the WWF. Crush is a big imposing guy who is also a jobber, but at least he looks intimidating. Goldust has credentials too and a loss isn’t going to hurt him. Smart booking.

We recap Bret vs. Austin in arguably the real main event of the night. Austin has spent weeks or months talking about how what Hart did means nothing. Bret hasn’t been seen since Wrestlemania when he lost to Shawn. Tonight we have to see if Austin can back up what he’s saying against a rusty Hitman. The hype on this was excellent and still works to this day.

Bret says MSG is holy ground for him.

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

They stare each other down in the middle of the ring and Austin flips Hart off. This feels like a huge fight which is exactly what it’s supposed to do. Austin takes Bret into the corner and gives a clean break. Bret goes for Austin’s leg and they go into the corner as well for another clean break. I love matches where the guys mirror each other. JR says neither of these guys have ever submitted in the WWF. That’s not actually true but we’ll go with it for the sake of simplicity.

Austin actually wins a technical battle and cranks on the arm. Bret does the same and adds a hammerlock. They fight for wristlocks and Bret takes it to the mat, working on the arm. Austin fights up and takes his head off with an elbow. Bret stays technical, Austin turns it into a brawl. This is going to have some good psychology in it I’d assume. Bret takes it right back to the mat and cranks on the arm again.

Back up and Austin drops Bret with a Stun Gun and immediately chokes. Hit the neck, work on the neck. It’s not complicated. Austin stomps on the neck and throat before slingshotting Bret’s throat into the bottom rope. An elbow to the neck/chest sends Bret to the floor and Austin is starting to roll. Back in and Austin hooks a chinlock before dropping knees to the chest/throat for two.

They slug it out with Austin knocking Bret into the corner. Bret comes back with an atomic drop (which Vince calls a reverse piledriver because he’s Vince McMahon and isn’t a very good announcer) and a clothesline followed by a Russian legsweep for two. A bulldog attempt by Hart is countered by sending him chest first into the buckle. Austin loads up a superplex but Bret slams him down and hits a top rope elbow for a delayed two.

Austin escapes a backbreaker with a rake of the eyes as momentum shifts again. Bret gets sent to the floor and Austin just pounds on him with forearms and punches. Austin rams him back first into the post as the attacks shifts to the back. Bret comes back by sending him into the barricade, breaking the thing apart. They head into the front row and knock the barricade over. Austin is in trouble again and Bret chases him to the other side of the ring.

Steve is like screw this defense thing and sling shots Bret onto the Spanish announce table. They fight underneath the table with Austin pounding away. Austin was a smart heel in that instead of standing around, he wanted to beat on Bret even more when he had Bret down. Back in and Austin drops a middle rope elbow for two. A running crotch attack to Bret’s back gets another two and Austin is getting frustrated.

Off to an abdominal stretch and of course Austin grabs the rope. Back up and Bret wins a slugout before Stun Gunning Austin right back to take over again. A piledriver puts Steve down for two and Bret is exhausted. Bret hits a backbreaker and goes up, only to get crotched and superplexed down. Austin has that look in his eye where you know he’s feeling it. Bret hooks Austin’s feet after the superplex but only gets two.

Bret goes after Austin and walks into a Stunner but it only gets two. It gets another two and make that four. Austin is all ticked off now and pounds away at Bret before getting two more. He puts Bret in a solid Texas Cloverleaf but Bret still won’t quit. He makes the rope and the fans breathe a sigh of relief. Austin sends him into the corner but Bret’s knee gives out and Bret’s back hits the post.

That gets two and Austin goes back to the Cloverleaf. Scratch that as he makes it a bow and arrow instead. It’s amazing how much different that broken neck made Austin. He’s a completely different guy here and it works really well too. Austin grabs the ropes to block a Sharpshooter and there’s a sleeper but Austin hits a jawbreaker to escape. Austin slaps on the Million Dollar Dream but Bret climbs up the buckles and backflips onto Austin for the surprise pin. Steve is stunned, no pun intended. Apparently this was a #1 contenders match. Ok then.

Rating: A+. It’s Austin vs. Hart for 25 minutes. Were you expecting anything but a masterpiece? This match isn’t remembered for one reason: they had a rematch which is one of the greatest matches of all time. This however is liked better by a lot of people and I can easily get that. This is a pure, hard hitting wrestling match which ends with a wrestling counter. The psychology here is incredible with Austin wanting to prove he can go move for move with Bret before finally getting outsmarted when Austin was frustrated and trying one of his old moves. This is one of the best pairings of all time.

Sid is ready for Shawn tonight.

Team Farrooq vs. Team Yokozuna

Farrooq, Vader, Razor Ramon, Diesel

Yokozuna, Flash Funk, Savio Vega, Jimmy Snuka

Snuka is a mystery partner, Yoko literally must weigh 700lbs, and these are the fake Ramon and Diesel. Diesel here is more famous as Kane. Cornette is on commentary here and freaks out because of Snuka, who was inducted into the Hall of Fame last night. This is when the HOF was even more of a joke than it is today. Funk and Vader get things going as this match couldn’t be more filler if it tried.

Vader pummels him in the corner but Funk comes back with a kick that misses by so much that even Vince has to say it didn’t hit. Vader goes down anyway. Vader is sent to the floor and Funk hits a moonsault to take him out and send Cornette into heart attack mode. Back in and Vader powerbombs him down but it’s off to Yoko. That goes nowhere so it’s off to Farrooq vs. Savio. This is Farrooq’s debut with the Nation of Domination which is just him at this point.

Razor comes in and JR, the guy that brought them in, wants nothing to do with them. JR says he’d be a better manager than Cornette would. Cornette: “You couldn’t manage a Wendy’s!” JR: “I could if you were in town.” Razor can’t do the fallaway slam so it’s off to Diesel. Remember that this is New York City so guess how well this is received. Diesel pounds on Funk, Funk fires back, Diesel knocks him down, CAN WE GET THIS OVER WITH ALREADY???

Funk tries a sunset flip but gets chokebombed for his efforts. Off to Farrooq who gets flipped around by Funk but Flash walks into a snap spinebuster. Here’s Vader for some mauling before Savio gets the tag. Off to Snuka who charges into a Diesel knee. Vader vs. Snuka now and Superfly actually slams him.

Off to Savio who gets beaten up by Farrooq on the floor. Back in and Diesel Jackknifes Snuka for the first elimination. Off to Snuka vs. Ramon now with Snuka slamming him down and hitting the Superfly Splash for the elimination. Then everyone brawls in the ring and EVERYONE IS FREAKING DQ’ED TO END THE MATCH.

Rating: F. There was no reason for this match to happen, Ramon and Diesel were STUPID, Yoko was disgustingly fat, Farrooq was a waste of a debut, Snuka isn’t a good surprise at all. There’s nothing to see here and it was one of the worst matches I can remember in a long time. Also it’s less than ten minutes long, making it the shortest Survivor Series match ever.

We recap Sid vs. Shawn. They used to be partners and now they’re fighting over the title. Sid is nuts and that’s about it.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Sid’s name in pyro was always cool. The fans aren’t all that thrilled with Shawn but it’s not booing. Shawn charges at Sid and is immediately knocked down with right hands. The champ (Shawn) stands in one place and punches even faster which apparently is ok. Off to a headlock on the mat but Sid NIPS UP and pounds away. There’s a gorilla press attempt but Shawn lands on his feet. Sid tries the powerbomb (POP) but Shawn bails to the floor.

Back in and Shawn takes out the knee before hitting a Robinsdale Crunch (it’s a leg lock with Shawn jumping to crush the knee). The fans chant for Sid. Off to a Figure Four for awhile before Sid rolls it over. Shawn goes for the hold again but Sid kicks him shoulder first into the post. Sid slows things down and starts firing off some kicks to the head and ribs.

Shawn avoids a charge into the corner and goes after the knee some more. Sid kicks him into the ropes and Shawn skins the cat, but Sid clotheslines him right to the floor. Shawn gets dropped on the barricade which gets two back inside. Sid hits a few running kicks to the head in the corner as things slow down again. Michaels avoids a charge in the corner and goes up, with the fans openly booing him now.

The champ dives into a backbreaker for two and Shawn can barely get up. Shawn fights up and turns it into a slugout with Sid going down. We get the always stupid looking jump into the boot spot and Sid puts on a cobra clutch. Shawn fights up and walks into a chokeslam. The place is exploding for Sid here. The powerbomb is countered into a small package for two but Sid gets the same off a powerslam.

Shawn nips up and is immediately clotheslined down to a BIG pop. Sid grabs a camera and blasts Jose Lithario (Shawn’s manager) in the chest with it for no apparent reason. Shawn superkicks Sid down but stops to look at Jose instead of covering. The referee goes down somewhere in there and Shawn gets hit with the camera as well. Back inside Sid powerbombs Shawn down for the pin and the title. Girl in the front row: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Rating: B. Shawn’s heart wasn’t in this at all and that was clear throughout the match. His eyes didn’t have it in there anymore and it’s really no surprise that after February he would take time off to find his smile. This was good stuff for the most part but the ending seemed overdone. Little trivia for you: this is Sid’s first title in the WWF or WCW. You would have thought he would have gotten something before then, given the PPVs he main evented.

Shawn scrambles to the back to check on Jose.

Overall Rating: B+. There’s some awesome stuff on here with a lot of historical stuff in there too. There’s one really bad match but it only lasts ten minutes or so. Other than that, this show is pretty much golden. Solid show overall but the company was entering a dark age with the NWO destroying them. That being said, the Austin vs. Bret feud would continue for most of a year and would keep the promotion alive once they hit the double turn in the spring. Good show here and much better than I remember.

Ratings Comparison

Team Furnas and Lafon vs. Team Owen Hart and British Bulldog

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. Mankind

Original: C+

Redo: B

Team Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Team Marc Mero

Original: D

Redo: C+

Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Team Farrooq vs. Team Yokozuna

Original: D-

Redo: F

Sycho Sid vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: C-

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B+

Like I said, I liked it better than I rememebred.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/15/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1996-bret-vs-austin-the-prequel-and-rock-debuts/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

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