Greatest Royal Rumble: I’ll Go With The Slightly Less Great Version

IMG Credit: WWE

Greatest Royal Rumble
Date: April 27, 2018
Location: King Abdullah International Stadium, Jeddah, Saudi Arabia
Commentators: Corey Graves, Michael Cole, Byron Saxton

It’s finally time for a show that feels like the build has been going on for months. This is one of the biggest cards the WWE has ever produced and it’s hard to say where a lot of the matches are going to go. We’ve got seven title matches, two big time singles matches and the fifty man Royal Rumble, meaning this show could run longer than Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.

We open with the National Anthems of Saudi Arabia and the USA.

The stadium looks mostly full, though there are some very visible pockets of empty seats.

The opening video is a countdown with the other big matches shown in between the numbers. We switch to the regular opening video looking at the rest of the matches.

The announcers welcome us and say this is a step in the country’s progression. Oh I’m sure that’s going to go over well.

HHH vs. John Cena

The crowd is WAY into things to start, at least for HHH’s entrance. Cena has a tunnel of kids to run though, which is one of the universally good ideas. HHH shoves him down to start so Cena does the same for a staredown. We hit the test of strength until HHH kicks him in the ribs. They’re at a very slow pace to start until Cena gets two off a rollup. HHH grabs a sleeper but Cena fights back, only to get clotheslined down.

The facebuster gets two so Cena grabs the ProtoBomb but gets caught in a belly to back suplex. HHH does his own You Can’t See Me (plus a crotch chop) to set up the Pedigree, which is reversed into a whip over the corner. Back in and the spinebuster gets two on Cena, who slugs away and grabs the STF. HHH is in the rope in a hurry and hits another spinebuster (you don’t seen him repeat that too often) for two more.

Cena is right back with another ProtoBomb into the Shuffle, followed by the AA for a close two. Another AA is countered into the Pedigree for two in the most obvious sequence ever. The STF goes on but HHH reverses into a Crossface which is reversed into another AA. A catapult into the corner sets up the third AA to put HHH away at 15:52.

Rating: B+. Well you knew these two would have a good match. It took some time to get going but once they hit their stride it got better in a hurry. Cena winning is fine as the fans are going to love him, just for the charisma alone. If nothing else he probably has to get on the first place out of the country and back to Hollywood. Good match and a smart choice for an opener.

Post match Cena thanks the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and all of the fans who allowed him to be here.

Cruiserweight Title: Kalisto vs. Cedric Alexander

Cedric is defending. They fight over the wristlocks to start and then trade headscissors into safe landings. Kalisto sends him outside for a springboard flip dive but Cedric is right back in with a flip dive of his own. Back in and we hit the waistlock to keep Kalisto down, with Alexander muscling him down.

Kalisto fights up and scores with an enziguri, followed by a springboard crossbody for no cover. A wicked Michinoku Driver gets two on Kalisto but he kicks Cedric in the head again. Kalisto puts him on top and, after a slugout on the ropes, hits a springboard C4 for two. The Lumbar Check is countered into a sloppy hurricanrana but the Salida Del Sol is countered into the Lumbar Check to retain Cedric’s title at 10:08.

Rating: B-. That waistlock was a bit of a match killer but the rest of the stuff after that was solid. They were really getting going there near the end and it was a better match. The lack of a story didn’t help things though and they needed a little something else to make it work. Cedric can move on to Buddy Murphy, but that’s still not exactly going to ignite 205 Live.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Matt Hardy/Bray Wyatt

The titles are vacant coming in due to Braun Strowman and a ten year old (who carried the team) vacating the titles after Wrestlemania. Hardy wants to delete the Bar but settles for elbowing Cesaro down. Wyatt comes in and runs Cesaro over and it’s time for the applause. A neckbreaker gives Matt two but Sheamus shoves the Twist of Fate away. Matt gets shoved outside for no logical reason before Sheamus takes him back inside for a front facelock. It’s off to Cesaro for a chinlock as Cole points out that the fans here might not get Matt. To be fair, most Americans don’t either.

Cesaro gets two off a gutwrench suplex and there’s a double backbreaker to keep Matt in trouble. Matt rolls away though and the hot tag brings in Wyatt to clean house. With Matt down though, the double White Noise gets two and Wyatt is down as well. Sheamus loads up the Brogue Kick but Wyatt spiders up for Sister Abigail. The elevated Twist of Fate gives Matt the pin at 8:52.

Rating: C. This just kind of happened and there’s nothing wrong with that. The ending was never in doubt and Matt and Bray are fine as champions. I’m not sure who going to take the titles from them as the division has some teams to it, but most of the aren’t exactly the kind of teams that would take the titles.

We recap the US Title match, which was Jeff Hardy winning a quick title match over Jinder Mahal, who was fresh on Raw. Hardy then moved to Smackdown so Mahal is trying to get the title back in a Raw vs. Smackdown match.

US Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Jinder Mahal

Hardy is defending and has a bad knee coming in. Mahal runs him over to start but gets sent outside for a dive off the steps. Sunil Singh offers a quick grab of the leg though and Mahal gets in a shot to take over. We hit the chinlock for a good while until Jeff pops up for a Twist of Fate. Back up and Mahal tries a gutbuster but gets hit with the legdrop between the legs for two instead.

The Whisper in the Wind misses but Mahal goes down anyway (I thought he dropped a quick elbow) in a horrible looking botch. Jeff hits the corner dropkick and another Twist of Fate, setting up the Swanton to retain at 6:19. Hardy’s knee injury from Smackdown was never a factor.

Rating: D. I’m surprised by the ending but anything that involves Mahal losing and his stock value being lowered is a good thing. This also changes the likely outcome of the Intercontinental Title match but Hardy winning is a smart idea. He could be a major player on Smackdown and taking the title from him so soon would have been ridiculous.

It’s time for the national prayer so we go to the Kickoff Show panel.

Video on the changes in Saudi Arabia, including how women are being treated better. I’ll be moving on.

Chris Jericho is ready to win the Greatest Royal Rumble over stars like Kurt Angle, Mark Henry, Rey Mysterio and MOJO RAWLEY. Jericho doesn’t know the interviewer’s name so Mike Rome JUST MADE THE LIST.

We run down the remaining card.

Daniel Bryan wants to win as well because he needs to be back in the ring.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Bludgeon Brothers

The Usos are challenging with Rowan dropkicking Jey down early on. A pumphandle backbreaker gets two and we hit the fists crushing Jey’s head. Cole says this was made famous by the “late great” Sgt. Slaughter. In case this has you confused, Slaughter is very much alive. Harper misses a big boot in the corner and the hot tag brings in Jimmy to speed things up.

The running Umaga Attack hits Harper in the corner and Rowan gets knocked to the floor. There’s a double superkick to Harper and the Superfly Splash gets two. Harper runs Jey over and slaps Rowan to fire him up. The double powerbomb finishes Jimmy and retains the titles at 5:11.

Rating: D+. The Usos’ flurry was nice but this was only a few steps above a squash. That’s what the match needed to be too as the Brothers can be established as monsters for a long time to come. Since the show is so long by definition, it’s good to have something go fast like this one and this was their best option.

We recap the Intercontinental Title match, which is just a video about ladder matches.

Intercontinental Title: Seth Rollins vs. The Miz vs. Finn Balor vs. Samoa Joe

Rollins is defending in a ladder match. It’s a free for all (later known as a Kickoff) to start with Rollins hitting a double Blockbuster and some suicide dives, including one to knock out the Arabic announce team. The first ladder is grabbed but it’s Balor hitting a big flip dive to take everyone out. Joe can’t get a ladder in so Balor does it instead and goes up, only to have Miz make a save.

This time it’s Joe going up with Miz making another save, meaning he’s ticked off Joe. It’s a shame that Maryse will have to raise the new baby on her own. Joe starts wrecking people with the ladder until Balor hits a Sling Blade and the running dropkick to knock Joe into the ladder. Rollins breaks up a Coup de Grace onto the ladder onto Joe but gets planted on the worst part of a Tower of Doom. Miz hits Joe in the face with the ladder and goes up, only to be caught by Rollins.

Balor makes a save and takes a neckbreaker, followed by Miz shoving Rollins of the ladder. More ladder shots take out Rollins and Balor again but Finn is back up with a kick to the head. The Coup de Grace onto Miz on the ladder but Joe comes back in. The Koquina Clutch goes on for a few seconds with Balor slipping out and stomping on Joe again. Another ladder shot allows Balor to climb but Rollins springboards in and pulls the title down in a flash to retain at 14:29.

Rating: B. That ending was sweet with Rollins barely being involved for a few moments and then literally jumping in to retain. Rollins looks like an even bigger star than usual and that’s the way they should have gone. They’ve got something with him right now and it makes sense to push the heck out of him. It’s even better that no one had to job here with Balor, who was close to the win, not looking bad in defeat. Good match, though the NXT ladder match is going to outshine any ladder match for a LONG time.

Video on the Saudi Arabia tryouts.

Four people who did well in the tryouts are presented to the crowd and talk about what it was like. Cue the Daivari brothers with Iranian flags (Saudi Arabia and Iran DO NOT get along) to say this is how real athletes look. The trainees clean house before a war breaks out.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match. AJ Styles beat Shinsuke Nakamura at Wrestlemania but Nakamura turned heel and attacked AJ’s groin for several weeks. Tonight is the rematch with Styles very ticked off.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Styles is defending. They fight over a wristlock to start and I’m not exactly feeling the anger and hatred so far. A quick trip to the floor leads to a hard lockup back inside and a COME ON from Nakamura. What might be the Wave breaks out as Nakamura kicks him down and grabs a long chinlock.

AJ fights up with a facebuster and a shot to the face to rock Nakamura. The fireman’s carry backbreaker gets two but Nakamura hits a facebuster. The Calf Crusher goes on for a bit until Nakamura rolls away for the break. Nakamura hits the running knees in the corner as the fans are trying to get back into this. AJ sends him head first into the buckle to slow Nakamura down but still gets pulled into the cross armbreaker.

Styles stacks him up for two and scores with the Pele for another double knockdown. The referee nearly gets knocked down so Nakamura gets ANOTHER low blow but AJ grabs the rope. Kinshasa is broken up with a forearm and they fight to the floor with a tackle taking Nakamura over the announcers’ table for a double countout at 14:28.

Rating: B. This was getting really good but I get why they went this way. The big rematch at Backlash can see Nakamura win the title for good, possibly with the help of a turning Anderson and Gallows. I liked it better than the Wrestlemania match, at least somewhat due to the lower standards. There’s chemistry there, and the emotion stemming from the low blow helped.

Post match AJ beats the heck out of Nakamura, including a slingshot forearm to the floor.

Cole: “Next up, the return of the Dead Man!” As in the guy who wrestled earlier this month.

Video on Undertaker. His opponent is never mentioned.

Rusev vs. Undertaker

Casket match. Undertaker, with a streak of red across his forehead (it looks like faded lipstick), follows Rusev to the floor and slugs away. More right hands in the ring follow, one of which puts Rusev onto the closed casket. Rusev’s right hands have little effect so Undertaker hits the apron legdrop.

Aiden English won’t let the casket be closed so Rusev hammers away and even gets the Accolade on. Undertaker powers out and the slugout is on with Undertaker hitting the chokeslam. Rusev gets tossed into the casket, followed by a chokeslam and Tombstone to English. He’s thrown in next to Rusev and Undertaker slams the lid shut to win at 9:14.

Rating: D. This was a house show casket match and that’s not the most thrilling thing in the world. Undertaker was just doing the greatest hits here and that’s not exactly thrilling stuff. He’s old and banged up but can still chokeslam people, which is about all you can expect. Nothing to see here, other than Rusev losing all over again.

We recap the Universal Title match. Brock Lesnar beat Roman Reigns at Wrestlemania in a surprise and tonight is the rematch inside a cage, possibly due to WWE knowing the American fans aren’t going to cheer him no matter what.

Universal Title: Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock is defending inside a cage. Forty five seconds in and Lesnar is at three German suplexes. Number four is followed by the first F5 less than two minutes in. Reigns slips out of a second and hits back to back Superman Punches. The third rocks Lesnar but Reigns goes up. Lesnar makes a save and pulls Reigns back in, only to get powerbombed out of the corner. Reigns sends him into the cage and hits a spear that looked like it was in slow motion.

Two more spears drop Lesnar for two and Reigns goes for the door, which Heyman slams onto his head. Another F5 gets two and Heyman throws in a chair. The gloves come off but Reigns hits the fourth spear for two. Reigns chairs him down and hits another Superman Punch. A big spear drives Lesnar THROUGH THE CAGE with Reigns following and rolling to the side, putting his feet on the floor. This means LESNAR wins at 9:15 though, because “his body hit the floor first”. Even though it didn’t as it was laying on the broken cage wall. They completely botched that finish.

Rating: F. I had to pause for a second from laughing so much. I have no idea what they’re going to do with Reigns now but my goodness they couldn’t have screwed that finish up worse if they tried. On top of that it was a terrible match with nothing but finishers over about nine minutes with the fans reacting to absolutely nothing. Terrible match as Wrestlemania XXXI looks more and more like a fluke every time.

Greatest Royal Rumble

90 second intervals with Daniel Bryan in at #1 and Dolph Ziggler is in at #2. They waste no time in going for the eliminations but of course neither can go anywhere. Bryan can’t suplex him over the top and they grapple in the corner a bit with no one getting much of an advantage. It’s Sin Cara in at #3 for some rapid fire kicks. The Swanton hits Bryan but Cara can’t get him out. Instead it’s Ziggler kicking Cara out but not being able to do anything with Bryan.

Curtis Axel is in at #4 and goes after Ziggler in the corner, pulling him back in for some reason. Mark Henry is in at #5 and headbutts Axel out but Ziggler and Bryan can’t get him out. Mike Kanellis is in at #6 with Cole talking about how famous Mike’s wife is. He’s out in about three seconds thanks to a Henry clothesline, leaving Bryan to try and choke Henry. Hiroki Sumi (looks like a sumo wrestler) is in at #7 for the big showdown with Henry.

This goes badly for Sumi, who is put out in short order, followed by Ziggler and Bryan getting together to dump Henry. Viktor is in at #8 and knees Bryan down but can’t slam him out. Instead Bryan armbars him over the top and we’re down to two again. Kofi Kingston is in at #9 and gets a nice reaction from the crowd. Things speed up a bit until Kofi is sent into the post, allowing Ziggler and Henry to pound away. Tony Nese from 205 Live is in at #10 to really crank things up. Some high flying drops a few people to little avail until Dash Wilder is in at #11.

There’s still nothing going on here so Hornswoggle is in at #12 to help pull Wilder out, followed by a Samoan drop to Kofi. Ziggler superkicks Hornswoggle to break up the Tadpole Splash and Nese’s running knee is good for the elimination. Primo Colon is in at #13 and promptly botches a springboard attempt. More nothing goes on so it’s Xavier Woods in at #14 to give the fans something to cheer for. Woods gets sent to the apron and Kofi is sent over, landing on Woods’ back.

They climb up together with Kofi diving off both of them, meaning it’s time to dance. Tony tries to join in and gets dumped as the intervals are all over the place. Bo Dallas is in at #15 to do nothing either so here’s Kurt Angle in at #16 to get rid of Primo and Dallas. Angle dumps Ziggler as well before shrugging off New Day. Scott Dawson is in at #17 to go after Angle, leaving New Day to double team Bryan. The short clock strikes again with Goldust in at #18.

Bryan is put on the apron but slides through the legs for a sunset flip out of instinct. Konnor is in at #19 and goes after Kofi as Woods tries to amateur wrestle Angle. Corey: “You can call that the stupidest move in the history of wrestling. Elias is in at #20, giving us Bryan, Dawson, Woods, Kingston, Angle, Goldust, Elias and Konnor. After a quick concert, Elias dumps Kofi, Woods and Konnor at the same time. Luke Gallows is in at #21 as Angle locks up Bryan’s ankle. There’s the Angle Slam but Elias dumps Angle. Dang that’s quite the rub.

Rhyno is in at #22 and hits some forearms until it’s Drew Gulak in at #23. Everyone keeps brawling and it’s Tucker Knight in at #24. Drew’s sleeper is reversed into a flip over the top for an elimination and it’s Bobby Roode in at #25. The Blockbuster drops Elias and a dropkick gets rid of Goldust. Dawson gets catapulted out and lands on the corner of the steps in a painful looking landing. Fandango is in at #26, sending Cole and Graves into one of their patented stupid arguments about how Cole knew it was him.

Some near eliminations go nowhere so it’s Chad Gable in at #27. The ring is starting to fill up and it’s Rey Mysterio in at #28 to wake things up a bit. A hurricanrana gets rid of Gallows but Fandango breaks up the 619 to Roode. Mojo Rawley is in at #29 to get rid of Fandango and it’s Tyler Breeze in at #30, giving us Breeze, Bryan, Rhyno, Roode, Rawley, Elias, Knight, Mysterio and Gable. Breeze is out at Rawley’s hands in just a few seconds and Big E. is in at #31. He throws pancakes at Knight and grabs an abdominal stretch before throwing him out.

Karl Anderson is in at #32 for a spinebuster to Roode but Big E. throws him to the apron. Rey hits the 619 on Roode and it’s Apollo Crews in at #33. Gable gets tossed and lands on his face. Nothing else goes on until Roderick Strong is in at #34. Backbreakers abound and a jumping knee gets rid of Rhyno after a long run. Randy Orton is in at #35 to the biggest pop of the match. He catches a diving Apollo in an RKO for the elimination and eliminations for Anderson, Rawley and Apollo in short order. Orton and Mysterio go at it until Heath Slater is in at #36.

That goes nowhere and it’s NXT’s Babatunde (never been on the show but stands about 6’10 and weighs over 300lbs) in at #37. Kicks and choking ensue until Baron Corbin is in at #38. Corbin pulls Elias to the floor and sends him into the steps before hitting Deep Six on Mysterio. A clothesline knocks Strong out of the air and Corbin dumps Roode. Strong is out as well and Titus O’Neil is in at #39….and slips on the way to the ring, falling flat on his face.

Tye Dillinger is in at #42 and Titus is tossed. A parade of finishers drops Strowman but he’s not tossed. Mysterio is out, followed by Dillinger and Orton at Elias’ hands. Strowman is back up and knocks Elias to the down but not out. Curt Hawkins is in at #42 and tries to run back to the entrance, only to have Strowman run to the floor and bring him back. Strowman throws Hawkins inside and runs over Bryan, who was down at ringside and not eliminated. Elias sends Strowman into the post twice in a row but here’s Bobby Lashley in at #44.

The power game begins and Elias is eliminated, leaving us with Lashley vs. Strowman. That brawl doesn’t get very far as Bryan comes back in and hits the running dropkicks from corner to corner. Great Khali is in at #45 and looking even slower than ever. He chops everyone in sight but Strowman and Lashley get rid of him in just a few seconds, much to everyone’s benefit. A double clothesline put Strowman and Lashley down and MY GOODNESS Bryan’s chest is a complete mess. Kevin Owens is in at #46 and the big guys get Cannonballs. Bryan takes a Pop Up Powerbomb and it’s Shane McMahon in at #47.

Shane elbows Owens down and does the bad punching, followed by the tornado DDT. Bryan and Shane have the big staredown before kicking at Owens. Shelton Benjamin is in at #48 and starts beating on Bryan. Owens gets everyone to go after Strowman and it’s Big Cass in at #49. Wait what about Sami and Jericho? They were both announced for the match no? Shane hits the Coast to Coast on Braun and Cass grabs a fall away slam on Lashley. Chris Jericho (POP OF THE NIGHT) is in at #50, giving us a final grouping of Jericho, Bryan, Lashley, Strowman, Owens, McMahon, Cass and Benjamin.

Jericho goes right for Owens and dropkicks Cass to the floor (not out). Shelton gets clotheslined out and there are the Walls to Owens. Cass is back in with a big boot to Jericho but Lashley can’t superplex him, instead dropping Cass down with a brainbuster. Bryan is back up with the YES Kicks and Shane loads up another Coast to Coast, only to have Strowman chokeslam him off the top through the announcers’ table.

Lashley and Jericho are tossed by Strowman as we make sure Shane isn’t dead. Owens is tossed and Bryan goes after Strowman but gets kicked in the head. Cass gets rid of Bryan after about an hour and fifteen minutes. Lashley and Jericho were eliminated somewhere in there so we’re down to Cass vs. Strowman. Cass charges at him but gets crotched on the ropes, followed by a running shoulder to give Strowman the win at 1:17:23.

Rating: D. Yeah this was bad, mainly due to the match being so crazy long that it became more about surviving until the ending rather than caring about the match. I was much more bored here than annoyed or angry or anything, which doesn’t exactly help things. Strowman winning is fine and Bryan getting so far until Cass throws him out is a good way to advance the story, but this was a bad idea, showing how ridiculous it was to have this many people involved.

Vince McMahon comes out to present the trophy and a Saudi official gives him a special title to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. And that’s being generous. This show just did not need to exist and really, nothing happened. A few matches at Backlash were advanced but it was nothing that couldn’t be done elsewhere. The crowd was only into it some of the times and a lot of the people in the white robes in the front row couldn’t have looked less interested. Throw in all the SAUDI ARABIA IS AWESOME stuff and this was a rough sit. It’s not a terrible show but it really, really didn’t need to be some big event. We’re done with it now though and that means it’s time to rapid fire the Backlash build.

You could have cut at least an hour out of this show (start with twenty minutes from the main event) and it wouldn’t miss a thing. Undertaker vs. Rusev didn’t need to happen and one or two title matches were skippable as well. It’s not the worst show ever, but it’s another good example of WWE overdoing things for very little value. Virtually nothing on here matters and that’s not how this was presented. WWE acted like this would be some mega show and while it was on paper, I’m likely to forget the results in about a week. Long and boring, but not terrible.

Results

John Cena b. HHH – Attitude Adjustment

Cedric Alexander b. Kalisto – Lumbar Check

Matt Hardy/Bray Wyatt b. The Bar – Elevated Twist of Fate to Sheamus

Jeff Hardy b. Jinder Mahal – Swanton Bomb

Bludgeon Brothers b. Usos – Double powerbomb to Jimmy

Seth Rollins b. Samoa Joe, Finn Balor and the Miz – Rollins pulled down the title

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. AJ Styles went to a double countout

Undertaker b. Rusev – Undertaker shut Rusev in the casket

Brock Lesnar b. Roman Reigns – Lesnar escaped the cage

Braun Strowman won the Greatest Royal Rumble by last eliminating Big Cass

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Greatest Royal Rumble Preview

IMG Credit: WWE

It’s time, once again, for a big show in April. You know, in case the five shows that ranged from biggest show of the year to big enough to warrant two nights weren’t enough already. This time around WWE is heading over to Saudi Arabia for a MASSIVE card, featuring ten matches, including seven title matches and the first ever fifty man Royal Rumble match. In other words, this thing has a chance of going as long as WrestleMania 34 did a few weeks back. You know, because bigger means better in WWE. Let’s get to it.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles(c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

We’ll start with a big one as it’s already a WrestleMania rematch. While I’m almost positive that Nakamura gets the title at some point, I’m not sure if it’s here. Either way, he’s leaving Backlash at the latest as champion so a title change here isn’t out of the question. This week on SmackDown, Nakamura kicked Karl Anderson in the head while a downed Styles was helpless to stop him. That sounds like a way to turn the Club against Styles, which could set up the loss.

I’m just not ready to pull the trigger yet though so we’ll go with Styles retaining via DQ, likely due to having his groin abused again (get this man a cup already). You can probably pencil the match in for Backlash (announcing a few more matches for that thing would be nice already) so I don’t think they change the title just yet. It’s coming though, or at least it should be.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Bludgeon Brothers(c) vs. The Usos

The Brothers (as opposed to the brothers) won the titles in a short triple threat match at WrestleMania where they dominated in short order. Who would have ever guessed that having Harper and Rowan just beat the heck out of people would be the best choice for them? The Usos have been incredible as of late as well too though and that could give them a strong chance.

Unfortunately it won’t be enough of a chance as I can’t imagine the Bludgeon Brothers losing so soon. A team like them loses a lot of steam in their first loss and there’s no need to do that so soon. Give them some big wins until another team can take the belts later. The Usos have been champions frequently enough recently and there’s no need to change the titles here. Bludgeon Brothers retain in a good match.

United States Title: Jeff Hardy(c) vs. Jinder Mahal

This one worries me and I think you know what that means. At the end of the day, WWE LOVES itself some Jinder Mahal and I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because of his look or maybe it’s because of the market he allegedly can bring in but he’s not seeming likely to go away anytime soon.

And yes, that means he wins the title here. They set the stage for it with Sunil Singh running in and attacking Hardy’s knee, which unfortunately seems to signal a short title reign. Mahal taking the title back to Monday Night Raw would give him more to brag about, which means he might be able to add a whole new sentence to the same promo he’s given for about a year now. There’s no way around this one for whatever reason.

Undertaker vs. Rusev

Casket match. Here’s a case where it feels like the person who paid for this show saw one about twenty years ago and thought it would be cool to see it again at his show. Undertaker is fresh off squashing John Cena at WrestleMania and Rusev is fresh off having almost all of his value squashed away by various combinations of Randy Orton, Jinder Mahal and whomever else WWE has beat him that week.

So yeah of course Undertaker wins because it’s clear that WWE thinks very little of Rusev at this point. Who cares if he became the hottest thing in the company for awhile and brought them in a bunch of merchandise money that they didn’t have to work for? Why should that matter when you can just have lose over and over? Undertaker wins here and does so handily, as expected.

Cruiserweight Title: Cedric Alexander(c) vs. Kalisto

It’s pretty clear that Alexander isn’t the long term choice to be champion as he’s already bringing the show back down to where it was before the tournament started. The problem is he doesn’t really have a character and there’s nothing to his personality. He’s not bad and can be a perfectly acceptable hand, but 205 Live isn’t interesting in the first place because there aren’t many stories to go around.

That being said, it’s not like it matters who leaves with the title so we’ll go with Alexander retaining. Kalisto was thrown in as a challenger and it’s still clear that Buddy Murphy is the next big time challenger. Either that or Mustafa Ali can be there to get his rematch after turning heel or whatever. Alexander is trying, but he needs more than this. That’s not happening anytime soon though and it’s why 205 Live is where it is.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Bray Wyatt/Matt Hardy vs. The Bar

The titles are vacant coming in and you can make your own Nicholas jokes here. This one isn’t exactly a secret and there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s no way they’re going to put both titles on the same show, meaning the winners are pretty obvious. It’s still a good idea though as having the former champs put the new team over at least gives them a little more legitimacy.

Of course Hardy and Wyatt win because Raw needs some titles. Really there’s not much more to it than that, especially when the Bar has already set up a feud with New Day. The Bar may not be my favorite team (to say the least but they’ve been a good pairing, meaning a win over them would help Wyatt and Hardy really get going. Wyatt can really benefit here and that’s a great sign for his career, which was on life support about a year ago.

Intercontinental Title: Seth Rollins(c) vs. The Miz vs. Samoa Joe vs. Finn Balor

Ladder match. WWE has done a good job of rebuilding Rollins in the last few weeks, especially with the fans going coconuts for him on Raw recently. Therefore, it’s time to take the title away from him because we can’t have him getting too over as a face, especially with Roman Reigns still being the Big Dog. Therefore, it’s time to make a switch and the US Title match result should give you a hint.

I’m going with Miz regaining the title here to tie Chris Jericho and set up a big time feud with Daniel Bryan for the title that he never lost. It’s not like Rollins has anything to lose by chasing freaking Mahal at this point so let’s just go with that. After all, Mahal was the WWE Champion and that makes him awesome. I’m really not sure I get the thinking here, but that’s WWE’s midcard for you.

John Cena vs. Triple H

You can file this one under “well, we had to get them on the card somehow.” It always helps to have a WrestleMania main event on the card so it’s not like this is going to feel like a letdown. Cena is fresh off of being squashed by Undertaker at WrestleMania and his TOTALLY real and TOTALLY not staged breakup with Nikki Bella so it’s not the best time to be him. Triple H on the other hand was beaten up by Ronda Rousey earlier this month so it’s not clear who might need the win more.

I’ll go with Cena winning here as he’s still somewhat active, or at least moreso than Triple H. I get why they’re both on the card and hopefully this is something shorter as there’s really no need for them to go twenty minutes or anything close to it. Let the time go to people who matter more at the moment as both guys are legends and don’t need much time dedicated to them.

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar(c) vs. Roman Reigns

Cage match. The more I think about this, the less sure I am about the whole thing. You know WWE wants Lesnar to move past CM Punk for the longest World Title reign of the modern era (because they’re all petty) and that means him holding it a little while longer. However, you also know they would cut ten years off the back of their life to get Reigns over as a face. Since that’s not happening in the United States, maybe the fans will react just for the sake of a title change.

I’ll go with the title change here, as Reigns isn’t going to get the reaction they want anywhere else so they might as well do it here. On top of that, there are SO many people he could feud with for the title on Raw, which means nothing for Lesnar because, you know, he’s never there. Reigns winning makes more sense, and also makes WrestleMania’s main event seem like that much more of a waste of time, which seems to be a bonus for the company. But yeah, new champion here as WWE won’t let it go.

Greatest Royal Rumble

And of course there’s this, with no prize to be seen other than a trophy. At the moment there are only twenty five out of fifty names announced for the match, meaning you could go a variety of ways for the winner. You can almost guarantee that people are going to be working twice on this show as otherwise this is going to be the bigger jobber filled Rumble since 1995. For the sake of sanity, we’ll assume that people can work twice on the show.

Even with that though, I’m going to go with Daniel Bryan winning because really, why not? He’s incredibly popular, could use a big win to reestablish himself, and can do the YES chant to end the show. The problem I might be running into though is looking at this like a wrestling show instead of the big sales pitch that it is, but I’ll take Bryan in what feels like a logical move

Overall Thoughts

The word LONG comes to mind for some reason. There’s so much taking place on this show and that makes it hard to imagine what we might be seeing all night long. There are likely to be a bunch of title changes but really, this is a major house show ala Global Warning, Insurrextion and Rebellion from back in the day. The card is stacked and if jet lag doesn’t kill them, there’s a good chance for an awesome show. Or a complete disaster. Either is a real possibility, which could make this a very interesting (and long) day.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Main Event – April 26, 2018: His Kids Should Be Proud

IMG Credit: WWE

Main Event
Date: April 26, 2018
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Nigel McGuinness, Vic Joseph, Percy Watson

We’re almost done. This week in WWE saw things settle down a bit as we have done with the Superstar Shakeup stuff. Raw and Smackdown were more traditional shows but at the same time they had to set up the Greatest Royal Rumble on Friday. You can guess what a lot of the stuff on this show is going to be so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory of Bruno Sammartino.

Opening sequence.

Zack Ryder vs. Mike Kanellis

Kanellis now has trunks instead of tights and gets dropkicked for his fashion choice. Ryder misses a charge though and lands on the floor in a big crash. Back in and Kanellis stomps away before grabbing a chinlock. Ryder fights up and hits a flapjack, followed by the middle rope missile dropkick. The Broski Boot gets two but Kanellis scores with a superkick for two. A neckbreaker gives Ryder the same as Nigel quotes the Power of Love. Not that it helps as the Rough Ryder puts Kanellis away at 5:07.

Rating: D+. Not too bad here, especially considering Ryder apparently injured his knee (just a sprain and not a tear) somewhere in there. Kanellis is fine for a jobber to the midcard stars on a show like this so even though it’s not much to get excited over, it’s nice to have something fresh on here. Ryder winning is always nice to see as well.

From Raw.

Here are Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman to open things up. After a break, Heyman introduces himself for the man who is STILL the reigning, defending, undisputed Universal Champion, Brock Lesnar. Heyman knows fans think he’s here to gloat, just like they were when they broke the Streak or when they took John Cena to Suplex (repeated 14 times) City.

When it comes to Lesnar, this is real, and no one in the locker room or the crowd has a chance. Heyman delivers spoilers because Lesnar doesn’t gloat. However, Heyman can gloat all night long. He talks about the un-PG elbows to Reigns’ head and the multiple F5’s, but none of this matters to Lesnar. This Friday, Lesnar, who is dying to be in a UFC cage, will be flying across the world to be locked in a cage with Roman Reigns.

A small ROMAN chant breaks out before Heyman talks about Brock’s new contract. Lesnar wanted a fight inside a cage and now the odds are stacked against Reigns even more than before. Reigns will be coming back home in multiple boxes as another victim, but here’s Reigns to interrupt. Reigns says he’s coming home with the title and that’s it. I’m still not sure what to expect over there, but they’re booking themselves in a necessary title change at this rate.

Again from Raw.

Here are Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens for the Sami and Kevin Show. They hype up the Greatest Royal Rumble and say it’s great because one of them will win it. They’re here tonight because of Stephanie McMahon was smarter than their first guest, which means Sami and Kevin singing YOU SUCK.

Cue Angle to say that they shouldn’t quit their day jobs. Owens understands Angle’s bitterness as Stephanie has his manhood in a jar in Connecticut. They recap the conspiracy on Smackdown and say that Stephanie must hate Angle for what she’s done to him. Angle agrees, because if not for him then Stephanie would still have full use of her arm. Owens talks about Angle needing this job because he has five kids. Actually it’s six because Sami forgot Jason Jordan “just like Angle did for years.”

Angle warns them about the beating they’ll be receiving on Friday when they’re in the ring with him, Daniel Bryan, Shane McMahon, Chris Jericho and everyone else they’ve treated badly over the years. As for tonight, they can have a tag match with Bobby Lashley and Braun Strowman. Can we please not do the Stephanie vs. Angle story again? It wasn’t great the first time.

And from later in the night.

Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens vs. Braun Strowman/Bobby Lashley

Sami and Owens try to bail but Strowman throws them back in without too much trouble. Lashley forearms Owens down in the corner but it’s off to Sami for some right hands to take over. A suplex gives Sami two and the double teaming begins. Owens is sent outside and Lashley gets two off a crossbody but Owens pulls him to the floor. We hit a backsplash and it’s off to a break.

Back with Lashley fighting out of Sami’s chinlock and dropping him with a clothesline. That’s enough for the hot tag to Strowman, who runs around the ring and shoulders Owens down. Sami gets taken down as well so Strowman goes outside to run Owens over again, just as he gets up. Strowman does it a third time, this time with a dropkick as the fans are going insane for this stuff. That’s enough for Sami as he bails up the ramp, only to be thrown back inside by Lashley. There’s the delayed suplex to Sami (one arm version), followed by the running powerslam from Strowman for the pin at 12:03.

Rating: C. This might not have been a great match but it was entertaining. Strowman running Owens over three times in a row was making me laugh and Sami being tossed around like a toy was great. Strowman and Lashley could make for a very entertaining monster team and I could go with seeing more of them in the future.

Owens hasn’t moved since taking that dropkick in a funny visual.

Revival vs. Heath Slater/Rhyno

Slater and Dawson get things going with Heath grabbing some headscissors because the Revival can’t even beat Heath Slater on the mat anymore. Rhyno comes in for a front facelock on Wilder but a quick tag allows the double teaming to begin. A double suplex is broken up by Slater and everything breaks down as we take a break. Back with Wilder blindsiding Rhyno to take over again, including an armbar. Now that’s more Revivalish.

Dash adds a cheap shot to Slater to break up a hot tag with Wilder breaking up another attempt. Rhyno avoids a charge in the corner though and grabs a spinebuster to finally set up the tag. A neckbreaker gets two on Dawson, followed by a small package for the same on Dawson. Rhyno gets pulled to the floor though and the Shatter Machine ends Slater at 10:53.

Rating: C. Much better than it should have been here with all four working hard and getting some extra time. The Revival gets better as the match goes on so giving them ten minutes was the best news they’ve had in a long time. I know they’re not going anywhere (wrestlers rarely do) but I’d love to see them get even a token title reign somewhere down the line.

And finally, from Smackdown.

AJ Styles/Anderson and Gallows vs. Rusev Day/Shinsuke Nakamura

Shinsuke now has a Japanese rock song set to the tune of his old music. I could go for never hearing that again. Graves says it’s because Nakamura is sick of the fans singing along. How does he know this? Graves: “Because I habla espanol.” Styles and Nakamura start but English gets tagged in before anything happens. That earns Nakamura a forearm off the apron and AJ pulls English into the corner for the tag to Gallows. So why isn’t AJ considered a coward too?

The villains are knocked outside in short order and we take a break. Back with Rusev kicking AJ in the head so Aiden can grab a chinlock. Therefore, let’s hit that inset promo for Friday! Back again with Rusev slamming AJ but getting kicked in the head, allowing the hot tag to Anderson. Everything breaks down but Nakamura kicks Gallows in the knee, setting up Kinshasa to the back of Gallows’ head for the pin at 10:08.

Rating: C-. Pretty standard main event six man here and there’s nothing wrong with giving Nakamura a pin before the title match, even if there’s not much benefit to pinning Gallows. I could very easily see a title change on Friday, but Nakamura is almost certainly getting the title at some point. If not, I’m not sure where he goes from here as it would make him look like a huge choker.

Post match AJ goes after Nakamura but takes ANOTHER low blow but Anderson shoves AJ out of the way to take Kinshasa. AJ is still down and can’t help Anderson from taking a second Kinshasa (sounds like a setup for an Anderson and Gallows turn to Nakamura) to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Is anyone else completely sick of hearing about the Greatest Royal Rumble? It seems that we’re getting something about it every few minutes now and I can’t wait for it to be over. There’s a good chance that a lot of the show won’t mean much anyway, which makes it all the more annoying. A show recapping the build to the show didn’t help, but that tag match wasn’t half bad. Just get us on to Backlash already.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – April 23, 2018: Not A GooThe Greatest Royal Rumble Is Friday!d Show

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 23, 2018
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T.

It’s both a new night for the roster as well as a go home show because April has to be the most packed month of all time. In this case we have the first night under the new roster after last week’s Superstar Shakeup, where your mileage may vary on how good of a thing that is. At the same time it’s the go home show for the Greatest Royal Rumble. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In memory of Bruno Sammartino.

The roster is on the stage in Bruno shirts for the ten bell salute.

We get the Bruno tribute video with a who’s who of people talking about how important he was and what he meant to so many generations. He was before most modern fans’ time and I don’t think we can really appreciate how big of a star he was. Sammartino was the World Champion and that’s how he’ll be remembered. Outstanding stuff here, as usual with these tributes, and they treated him like the legend they should have.

We get some tweets of people paying respect to Bruno.

Bobby Roode vs. Elias

Roode cuts Elias off after only a mention of his name, which should make him a full on heel. Elias gets knocked around early but avoids the Blockbuster with Roode banging up his knee on the landing. An armbar gives the knee a chance to rest and the threat of a Glorious DDT sends Elias bailing to the floor.

Back from a break with Roode firing off some chops until Elias sends him into the post. We hit the neck crank and here’s an inset ad for Undertaker vs. Rusev at the Greatest Royal Rumble. Egads man you talk about it all night and do a regular commercial and NOW THIS? Good grief the Saturday morning Memphis shows had fewer show advertisements. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Roode fights up with some clotheslines and a sunset flip for two. The Blockbuster drops Elias but he bails to the floor. Roode throws him back in but Elias rams him shoulder first into the ropes and gets the pin at 11:48.

Rating: D+. I still have no idea why Roode isn’t a heel. Outside of his entrance being popular, everything about him screams heel but this is what we’re getting at the time. It’s certainly surprising to see Roode lose, but if it leads to a heel turn then I’m all good. I do like Elias getting a win though as he’s still being well protected (Braun feud excluded).

Bray and Matt laugh a lot and say run.

Bray Wyatt/Matt Hardy vs. Ascension

Corey explains Bray’s transformation and Cole is just lost. Viktor locks up with Matt to start and cartwheels away, which Matt declares WONDERFUL with a round of applause. It’s off to Bray who can’t Rock Bottom Viktor but can clothesline Konnor. Matt gets taken down and a fist drop gets two as the announcers explain the Tag Team Title situation. Graves to Cole: “You’re ok with a ten year old winning the Tag Team Championships but the Hardy Compound is weird?” It’s back to Bray for the running crossbody and a corner splash, followed by the Side Effect for two on Viktor. The elevated Twist of Fate puts Viktor away at 3:45.

Rating: D. This is the kind of match that Bray and Matt needed as they go into the title match. There’s no reason to have them lose in Saudi Arabia so a win here is a good idea. Let them build up at least a little momentum before they go on to face a good team, even if this was only a step above a squash.

More Tweets on Bruno.

The Miztourage offer their services to Seth Rollins but get shot down.

Greatest Royal Rumble rundown.

Titus Worldwide vs. Dolph Ziggler/Drew McIntyre

Titus runs Ziggler over to start and a standing moonsault gives Crews two. A blind tag lets McIntyre kick him in the face though and Drew hits a reverse Alabama Slam to rock Apollo. The Claymore into the Zig Zag is good for the pin at 2:10.

Post match Ziggler brags about having a dangerous man watching his back. Drew says Ziggler is right because he’s dangerous to a soft locker room. People are just back there collecting checks and it makes him sick. This is how a superstar looks and speaks because he’s the wake up call and reality check that this place needs. Again: let Drew be a star on his own without Ziggler around. It doesn’t benefit anyone but Dolph, who will manage to let everyone down.

Chad Gable comes in to see Angle and asks about Jason Jordan. Angle says he’ll be back soon but Gable is here as a singles competitor. Jinder Mahal comes in and complains about not receiving a celebrating last week. He demands to be sent back to Smackdown and threatens to call Stephanie. Gable tells him to have some respect but Jinder thinks he’s Nicholas. It’s about to get physical so Angle makes a match right now.

Jinder Mahal vs. Chad Gable

Jinder jumps him before the bell and the referee starts the match anyway. Mahal hammers away but gets sent outside, where a hard clothesline drops Chad to send us to a break. Back with Gable in a chinlock until Mahal sends him chest first into the buckle. Gable fights up and starts in on the leg with a dragon screw legwhip, only to get caught with a hot shot. A running knee to the face rocks Gable again and the Khallas is loaded up. Gable walks the ropes though and flips back into a rollup for the pin at 8:50.

Rating: D+. That’s a good idea for a win, even if Mahal is getting a title shot on Friday. Gable has more personality than Mahal could ever hope to and with an Olympic wrestling background to go with it, there’s a lot of potential there. Mahal was trying here but my goodness the levels of boring are just too much to overcome.

The Riott Squad says last week was a message to the entire women’s division. They’re here to take over and Logan says a scared animal is easy prey. Riott promises to take over in the ten woman tag tonight. This was pretty rough.

More Bruno tweets.

We look at the Lesnar/Heyman/Reigns segment.

Samoa Joe has no problem with Reigns winning the title but he’s worried he won’t have anyone to put to sleep at Backlash.

We run down the rest of the Rumble card.

The Miztourage, in new shirts, offers their services to Finn Balor but their TOO SWEET offer is declined.

Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens vs. Braun Strowman/Bobby Lashley

Owens hasn’t moved since taking that dropkick in a funny visual.

Video on Baron Corbin.

Baron Corbin vs. No Way Jose

The Conga line is back. Actually hang on a second as Corbin isn’t coming to the ring with all of those people at ringside because he’s not going to get jumped. Corbin is here for serious competition but Jose isn’t on his level. Therefore, no way Jose. Corbin leaves so Jose starts the Conga line again, only to get jumped by Corbin on the stage, including the chokebreaker.

Alexa Bliss gives a public service announcement about bullying over Nia Jax. Apparently Nia ate the rest of a burrito bowl that Bliss was trying to give to a homeless woman but Alexa did nothing. She can make things right at Backlash when she gets the title back. This has been your Moment of Bliss.

Finn Balor/Seth Rollins vs. Miztourage

Axel runs Balor over to start and does a little dance before it’s off to Dallas for some knees. The chinlock goes on in a hurry but Balor is right back with a Pele for a breather. The hot tag brings in Rollins to clean house, including a suicide dive to take them both out. There’s the Sling Blade to Axel and it’s a Stomp into the Coup de Grace for the pin at 4:56.

Rating: D+. That felt so much shorter. I’m not sure what they’ll do with the Intercontinental Title as I can’t quite imagine Rollins making it through both title defenses without dropping it somewhere. If nothing else, Miz can tie the record for the most title reigns and move even closer to the record for most days. Either way, it would be nice to get on to something different from the Wrestlemania feuds.

Natalya fires her team up for the ten woman tag. Nia says that insulting her can be bad for your health. Bayley and Sasha stare at each other without saying anything.

More Bruno tweets.

Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Riott Squad vs. Nia Jax/Natalya/Sasha Banks/Ember Moon/Bayley

Logan takes Banks to the mat to start and it’s off to Sasha vs. Morgan. Banks pulls her into the corner and hands it off to Ember as Booker talks about training Moon. A springboard spinning crossbody gets two and one heck of a suicide dive takes Morgan out as we take a break. Back with Logan chinlocking Banks but Mickie tags herself in, much to Logan’s annoyance.

That means another chinlock so let’s hit that inset promo for Reigns vs. Lesnar (I mean, it’s not like these people are going to the show or anything so giving their time to someone else is totally cool). Back again with Banks fighting up and bringing Natalya in to clean house. The Sharpshooter goes on but Logan makes the save with a chop block. She tags Bayley in but Mickie kicks the injured Natalya to the floor.

Her knee is bad enough that the trainers come out and Sasha checks on her as well. Bayley fights Riott off and the hot tag brings in Nia to wreck some people. Nia DIVES off the apron to take everyone out, leaving Mickie to baseball slide Natalya again. Trash talk ensues and here’s Ronda Rousey to defend her friend. Mickie baseball slides Ronda as well and the armbar makes Mickie tap for the DQ at 14:15 before I can finish typing this. Remember: Mickie James, a six time Women’s Champion and future Hall of Famer, was tapped out in seconds by the armbar. Stephanie McMahon blocked it three times.

Rating: D. Nia’s dive was good and the ending was fairly telegraphed (and fine) since Rousey getting into the regular division is a good idea. The rest of the match wasn’t much to see, especially with the inset promo about thirty seconds after the return from a commercial. I really hope that’s just a thing for this show and Wrestlemania, because we hear enough ads during the show, let alone during the matches.

Rousey helps Natalya to the back to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one as they really pushed the Rumble too hard. I don’t know if they even pushed Wrestlemania this much in the go home show and that’s a little hard to take. If nothing else, get rid of the ads during the matches. Other than that though, this was a lot of setting things up going forward, which has me worried about Backlash. I believe we have three matches set at the moment and three TV shows left before we get there. But hey, at least we get the REALLY big house show before we get a worn out roster on Monday and Tuesday. Not a very good show this week.

Results

Elias b. Bobby Roode – Rollup

Matt Hardy/Bray Wyatt b. Ascension – Elevated Twist of ate to Viktor

Dolph Ziggler/Drew McIntyre b. Titus Worldwide – Claymore/Zig Zag combination to Crews

Chad Gable b. Jinder Mahal – Rollup

Braun Strowman/Bobby Lashley b. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens – Running powerslam to Zayn

Finn Balor/Seth Rollins b. Miztourage – Coup de Grace to Dallas

Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Riott Squad b. Nia Jax/Natalya/Ember Moon/Bayley/Sasha Banks via DQ when Ronda Rousey interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown – November 20, 2003: Wrestling With A Purpose

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: November 20, 2003
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past Survivor Series and that means a few months of calm as Smackdown doesn’t have a pay per view until January and it’s own show isn’t until February. There are several ways to go with the World Title hunt at the moment but Chris Benoit, who made Brock Lesnar tap out on Sunday, should be the likely next challenger. Let’s get to it.

Here’s a very banged up Vince McMahon, accompanied by Sable, to get things going. Vince can barely breathe once he gets in and says he almost died. He was pummeled and bleeding from various places to the point that he had to have a transfusion. Undertaker “practically pummeled his privates” and Sable had to relieve the pain with a massage. Then Undertaker shattered his ankle and hit him in the head with a shovel.

After all that they went to the grave but Vince never lost faith. The higher power sent an avenging angel in the form of Kane and Vince was saved. Kane will be here tonight for Undertaker’s eulogy and Vince has never felt more powerful. He feels invincible and untouchable….and here’s John Cena.

Vince is confused and Cena accuses him of stealing his catchphrases. Maybe Vince just has nothing to touch. We could ask Sable, who is just here for the money. When Vince is gone, she comes to tickle Cena’s funny bone. Vince is standing in his ring so Cena offers to stretch him. Oh and Sable is good for one thing: she taught Vince how to suck. Funny stuff, and it’s nice to see Cena getting a rub like this.

Brock Lesnar yells at his Survivor Series team, blaming them for the loss. They’re the reasons he tapped out to Chris Benoit and THEY MADE THE FANS CHANT YOU TAPPED OUT! He’s the WWE Champion and that shouldn’t happen to him. He’ll be getting respect and tonight, the team will be facing the members of Team Angle tonight. Lesnar gives them all individual pep talks and wants them out of his face because they disgust him.

Rey Mysterio vs. Akio

Tajiri and Sakoda only come to the entrance so Akio is here alone. Rey slugs away to start but gets dropped by a hard shoulder from the bigger Akio. A tilt-a-whirl headscissors works a bit better for Mysterio so Akio takes him down and pulls on the arms while putting his foot on Rey’s head. One heck of a clothesline turns Rey inside out for two and we hit the neck crank.

For some reason Akio goes up top but gets crotched down, which Cole thinks might be a turning point. You mean because control turned on a point Cole? Rey gets two off a tornado DDT but gets kicked in the face. Akio’s corkscrew moonsault misses though and it’s the 619 to set up the West Coast Pop for the pin.

Rating: C. This was getting going when they wrapped it up. Mysterio beating one of Tajiri’s goons should move him closer to a Cruiserweight Title shot, which would be a nice story for everyone involved. Tajiri is starting to get some traction so eventually losing the title to Mysterio would work well. As usual, having goons around is a great way to extend a feud like this.

Paul Heyman is looking for Shannon Moore but finds the Bashams chained up with a ball gag in Danny’s mouth as Shaniqua whips them. CHAMPIONS ladies and gentlemen. Shaniqua says they’re celebrating and the Bashams seem very pleased but Shannon comes in to save us all. Heyman is ready to make Shannon a star and he has a match next. His opponent: Matt Morgan.

Matt Morgan vs. Shannon Moore

Shannon slaps him in the face and hammers away to start, earning a heck of a faceplant. Matt chokes in the corner and hits a hard slam, only to have Shannon kick him in the head. Morgan throws him around even more, including a one handed toss over the top, giving us one of Shannon’s great bumps. Back in and Matt pulls him up at two, followed by a spinning sitout powerbomb to complete the destruction.

Ad for Smackdown, showing nothing but the women in various stages of undress. I’ve heard of worse advertising campaigns, but this feels so out there compared to today’s family friendly stuff.

A-Train vs. Bradshaw

Rematch from last week because of reasons. The brawl is on in the aisle before the bell, meaning we’re officially getting a bonus. They get inside with Bradshaw pounding on the back and in the corner until A-Train knocks him down and gets two off a splash. Bradshaw gets a horrible looking DDT (A-Train fell to the side) and they’re both down. A-Train is sent outside and it’s a Derailer on the floor to knock Bradshaw silly. That’s only good for two back inside and Bradshaw gets the same off a small package. A-Train’s Vader Bomb hits a raised boot and a bicycle kick blocks the Clothesline for the pin.

Rating: D. Who in the world was asking for this to be a trilogy? They had two matches and Bradshaw pinned A-Train on Sunday. Other than Hardcore Holly, it’s not like you can get much lower on the Angle team than Bradshaw so why would I want to see him fight over and over? Not the worst match but some of the least interest I can imagine having.

Nathan Jones vs. Chris Benoit

Brock Lesnar is with Jones. Benoit goes straight for the knee but gets shoved outside for his efforts. Back in and Jones gets low bridged to the floor because Jones may be strong but Benoit is smart. Lesnar throws him back in and Jones doesn’t disappoint him by grabbing a powerslam. A chinlock is somewhat more disappointing but a spinning side slam gets two.

It’s already back to the chinlock (try a neck crank next time) until Benoit fights up and avoids a running big boot. The rolling German suplexes set up a missile dropkick (pretty rare for Benoit) but the Swan Dive only hits mat. Benoit slips out of a gorilla press, slaps on the Crossface, takes Lesnar out, grabs the Crossface again and gets the tap.

Rating: D+. Benoit was trying here and Jones could have been worse, but it’s clear that he’s not ready for this spot no matter how much WWE is obsessed with his look. Thankfully it looks like they’re setting up Benoit vs. Lesnar, likely in the big TV show when they don’t have a pay per view in December, so at least we have something to look forward to.

Post match Lesnar goes after Benoit but Hardcore Holly runs in and puts on the dreaded full nelson until Heyman and security come out to have Holly arrested. Oh and he’s indefinitely suspended too. As I said before the pay per view: I still don’t know why WWE thinks people care about Holly.

Here’s Kane to eulogize Undertaker. Kane talks about how the man we knew as Undertaker has been dead for a long time. They used to be monsters together and strike fear into the hearts of mortal men. Then Undertaker betrayed his family by having compassion and defended Stephanie (add this to the list of stories she’s driving without being here).

A monster isn’t supposed to have weaknesses and Undertaker is a fraud. The people cheering for him are true to their nature, unlike Undertaker who was dead before Survivor Series. All Kane can say to him is rest in peace. That’s the start of a long term story if I’ve ever heard one.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is defending after successfully doing so this Sunday on Heat. The referee throws Akio and Sakoda out so this is going to be one on one. Jamie wastes no time in chopping away as the announcers recap Tajiri blinding Nidia. Noble gets sent outside and walks back in for a spinning kick to the shoulder.

We hit the armbar for a bit until Tajiri kicks him in the arm again to cut off the comeback. La majistral gets two on the champ so he kicks Noble in the head to slow him down again. Another kick to the head gets two but the Buzzsaw kick misses. Noble’s tiger bomb gets two as Tajiri gets his foot on the ropes. Cue the blind Nidia for an accidental distraction, allowing Tajiri to grab a rollup (with jeans) to retain.

Rating: C. Can we please let these two have about ten minutes for once? If you add up both of their matches, they don’t even have nine minutes total. They have chemistry but you can’t get much out there in less than five minutes, especially with the ending being angle advancement. That being said, there’s a good chance this is it for Jamie as he’s lost twice in a row now and seems to be moving on to something else. Unfortunately, that something else is likely not going to get him much TV time.

The World’s Greatest Tag Team wants to get their hands on Los Guerreros and put them on the shelf, just like Eddie and Chavo did to them. Haas: “What he said.”

Los Guerreros vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

The brawl is on in a hurry with Chavo dropkicking Shelton down. That’s it for Los Guerreros to start as Shelton goes for Chavo’s knee and takes over early on. Haas comes in and grabs a Boston crab for a few seconds before it’s back to Shelton for more knee work. The Haas of Pain goes on but Eddie is right there to rake his boot over Haas’ eyes for the break. That’s enough for the hot tag to Eddie and things speed up in a hurry. Shelton gets monkey flipped into Haas and a rope walk hurricanrana drops Charlie again. Chavo tornado DDTs Benjamin and springboards into a bulldog on Haas, setting up a frog splash for the pin.

Rating: C. Another match that could have been better with more time but I’ll take what I can get. At least what we had was good while it lasted and it’s nice to see Eddie getting a win for a change. It’s pretty clear that there’s something big coming between he and Chavo and I’m all for that, especially if it goes somewhere bigger for Eddie.

Post match Haas and Benjamin clean house and wreck Chavo’s knee, including wrapping a chair around it and putting on the Haas of Pain. Eddie makes the save with another chair but Chavo wants to know what’s going on.

The Cat got a key to Boise, Idaho in a really badly scripted segment. He debuts next week. Back in the arena, Cole dances to Cat’s music.

Chavo is still yelling at Eddie and blames him for everything while getting treatment for his knee. Eddie leaves and Chavo yells at the trainer, saying it’s time to rely on his real friends.

Vince gives Big Show a pep talk.

Big Show vs. John Cena

Non-title because Big Show is holding the title hostage. Cena starts fast with a baseball slide but walks into a hard clothesline to cut him down. That’s enough for Cole to compare Show’s hand to a frying pan because that’s what he does every time Show chops someone. A big clubbing forearm to the back has Cena in early trouble and Show pulls on his face. Cena gets tossed around the ring, leaving him down so Show can stand on his head.

Cena gets in a dropkick and avoids a big boot to crotch Show on top. The Throwback gets two and Cena grabs a chair…..as a decoy so he can kick Show low. Well to be fair he was still a heel like two weeks ago. That doesn’t seem to have much effort so Show hammers on Cena in the corner. The chain to the head rocks Show again but Cena collapses in an FU attempt. They head outside with Show loading up the announcers’ table, only to drive Cena back first into the post instead.

Back in and the referee gets bumped, allowing Show to grab the steps. He lifts them above his head in the fashion only done for the sake of having Cena kick his knee out and send him face first into said steps. Another shot with the steps is good for the pin, counted by another referee who was paying enough attention to see that a referee was needed but not enough to see the steps shot that set up the cover.

Rating: C-. This was a little too weapons based for me and, again, another instance of Big Show not really doing anything worthy of being US Champion other than being tall. I mean, I know that’s about all there is to him a lot of the time but that’s WWE for you. Cena is still shaking off the heel mannerisms and that might take some time but the fans want to cheer for him, which WWE is at least acknowledging.

Overall Rating: C+. There was a story going on throughout the show and that’s always better than throwing a bunch of stuff out there and hoping for the best. We’re heading for Cena vs. Vince/whomever he picks to fight for him and Lesnar vs. Benoit (and eventually Holly) so we have to get through the good before we get to the bad. This show was mainly wrestling focused so at least they’re moving in the right direction in certain ways.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Survivor Series 2003 (2018 Redo): One Out Of Two Isn’t Bad

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2003
Date: November 16, 2003
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 13,487
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

This is another big one and it’s also a one sided show. The Smackdown offerings are about as uninteresting as they could be while the Raw side looks at at least marginally better. This isn’t a great show on paper and I have a bad feeling that it’s going to be even worse as it actually takes place. Let’s get to it.

Here’s the go home episode of Smackdown if you need a recap.

The opening video talks about surviving things such as the game, evolution, and the battles in between. That’s all this needed to be, especially with Austin vs. Bischoff being the real main event.

Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar

Kurt Angle, Hardcore Holly, Chris Benoit, John Cena, Bradshaw

Brock Lesnar, Big Show, A-Train, Nathan Jones, Matt Morgan

Cena is out first and raps about burying everyone, meaning Lesnar and Show need a bigger graves. He’s still new at this team thing because he wonders if he can trade his partners in for a one night stand with Sable. Holly wastes no time and attacks Lesnar before the bell, sending him into the steps and trying a full nelson to break his neck. He also shoves a referee, and gets disqualified before the match even starts.

The bell rings and a Clothesline from Bradshaw ends A-Train in less than thirty seconds to tie it up. The chokeslam gets rid of Bradshaw as we’re not even a minute in yet. Good idea actually, as it’s not like Bradshaw and Holly were anything more than warm bodies anyway. Cena comes in but can’t FU Big Show and gets thrown into the corner as the four remaining members start working him over. A Throwback to Lesnar gets two but more importantly it allows the hot tag off to Benoit.

The chokeslam is countered into a Crossface (always looks cool) with Lesnar making a save. It’s off to an abdominal stretch as things slow down again. The standing legdrop gets two on Benoit and it’s time for some double teaming on the floor. Angle and Cena have finally had enough and go over to make a save but Benoit is beaten down even more. Morgan comes in for some lumbering offense but a suplex allows the hot tag to Angle. That means a series of suplexes as everything breaks down. The Angle Slam eliminates Morgan to tie us up at three.

Show clotheslines Jones by mistake though and an ankle lock gets rid of Nathan less than thirty seconds later. An F5 gets rid of Angle with the first count coming as Jones’ elimination is still being announced. We’re down to Benoit/Cena vs. Lesnar/Show and Brock goes shoulder first into the post.

A Crossface has Lesnar in trouble but he reverses into a cradle for two. Benoit won’t be denied though and slaps it on again, this time with Lesnar’s feet reaching the ropes. The third attempt makes Lesnar tap and we’re down to two on one. Benoit drops Show with a top rope shoulder for two so Cena adds a chain shot and the FU for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was too fast for the most part but the real problem comes from the fact that so many people were involved in the first place. This really could have been a six man elimination tag (A-Train as the third villain) and it would have been better, but that’s not how these things traditionally work. Cena and Benoit winning in the end is the right way to go as Cena’s rocket push is being assembled, but at the same time there’s a lot of work left to do. Benoit vs. Cena, which could still happen, would be a benefit for both guys and that’s a good sign for the future. Unfortunately it wasn’t the best present, but at least it wasn’t long.

Vince McMahon comes in to see Shane and talks about how tonight, father and son are facing two brothers. He thinks it’s almost spiritual and asks Shane how he feels about that. Shane only feels sorry for Vince. The boss leaves and runs into Austin, who starts laughing. Then he stops and gets serious before walking away. These two have great chemistry even if it doesn’t make the most sense.

JR explains the exchange.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Molly Holly

Lita is challenging after winning a #1 contenders match a few weeks back. Feeling out process to start as JR explains that these two have some contrasting styles. Lita gets knocked to the floor so Molly starts in on the back with some ax handles. We hit a dragon sleeper with Jerry liking her intensity. The handspring elbow in the corner keeps Lita in trouble and Molly stomps away.

A running corner clothesline rocks Molly and Lita rains down some right hands for her first real offense. Molly cuts her off with a side slam but Lawler would rather talk about Lita’s thong. A powerbomb out of the corner gives Lita a breather but the moonsault misses. The Molly Go Round gets two so Molly rips off a turnbuckle pad and sends Lita face first to retain.

Rating: D+. This was mainly Molly doing everything while Lita did a thing or two here and there. That’s not the most thrilling style in the world but Molly can be made into a good champion for a big name to take the title from later. Let her be built up for awhile instead of giving Lita the title immediately. It’s ok to wait now and then.

We recap Kane vs. Shane McMahon. Kane went nuts after losing his mask and after struggling to defeat Rob Van Dam, started tormenting Linda McMahon. Shane became the big star out of this because of course he did, including beating himself in a Last Man Standing match. Various attempted murders later set up this ambulance match, which is possibly the second most pushed match on the show.

Shane McMahon vs. Kane

Ambulance match with Shane charging straight at him for a crossbody to the floor. Shane knocks him onto the announcers’ table and hits him in the head with a monitor, setting up the big elbow to drive Kane through. That’s enough at ringside though so they head to the back, including the camera cutting out. That means we hit the pretape and come back with Shane pounding him down with a kendo stick.

Shane puts him in a security shack and jumps into an SUV to run Kane over again. Finding a well placed walkie-talkie, Shane tells someone to SEND IT, which means it’s time for an ambulance backstage. But is that the designated ambulance? That makes a difference you know. Instead of backing the ambulance up to the shack where Kane is down, Shane grabs a stretcher and wheels it twenty feet over, allowing Kane to grab him by the throat and slam Shane into a wall.

The camera goes out again and we pick it up with Kane knocking him back into the arena. Shane gets knocked into the front of the ambulance but manages to hit Kane in the face with the back door. What a sick sounding thud too. Kane is back up and sends Shane into the ambulance but another ram with the door gets Shane out of trouble. A tornado DDT on the floor plants Kane as they’re now near the grave for the Buried Alive match.

Shane puts a trashcan (good thing one was nearby) and a crashpad (same as before) and hits the Coast to Coast off the top of the ambulance to smash Kane’s face. That’s still not enough to wrap things up as Kane pulls Shane into the ambulance with him for more brawling. It’s Kane throwing Shane out though and then ramming him back first into the side. He javelins Shane’s head into the other side (you have to match you see) and a Tombstone on the floor is enough for the win.

Rating: D. This wasn’t as long as I was expecting but again, this doesn’t really do what they were likely shooting for with Kane. It makes two straight matches where Kane has had trouble beating up Shane McMahon. He can destroy Rob Van Dam but Shane gives him trouble? It didn’t work last time and it doesn’t work here. Now that he’s lost all of his heat though, you can pencil him in for a World Title match.

Brock Lesnar says he didn’t lose that match because his team lost it instead. Goldberg comes in for a staredown but Lesnar won’t wish him luck tonight. And so it begins.

Here’s the Coach, in a neck brace, for a chat. He assures his fans that he’s fine after the 3D from the Dudleys on Monday and he’ll be good to go soon. That seems to be it but hang on a second as Coach sees Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban in the front row. Cuban is ready to see Austin’s team win and insults referees of all kinds (he’s known for heavy criticisms of NBA referees). This brings out Eric Bischoff to invite Cuban into the ring, where a fight breaks out. Bischoff gets shoved down but here’s Randy Orton for an RKO to complete this waste of time.

Evolution is having a party with HHH in the middle of a good looking bunch of women. Ric Flair comes in to say they can have the champ later, which annoys HHH. Orton comes in, hits on the women, and brags about what he just did. Uh, congratulations?

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Basham Brothers

The Brothers are defending after Eddie won a handicap match to earn the shot. Eddie and Chavo waste no time in slugging away until Shaniqua offers a distraction to slow things down. That doesn’t seem to matter much to the cousins as Eddie works over Danny to start things off. A dropkick gives Chavo two and there’s a headscissors/armdrag combination from Eddie to put both champs down.

Some double teaming (described by Cole as “classic Bashams”) takes over though and Shaniqua gets in a slam on Eddie for good measure. Back in and Eddie gets stomped in the corner, followed by a double vertical suplex for two. Eddie gets free with a headscissors and hands it back to Chavo, who is double flapjacked in short order. Chavo fights up but Twin Magic takes him down again. Everything breaks down and Chavo slams Shaniqua, followed by a quick spanking. That’s NOT cool with the champs so Doug grabs a rollup with Chavo’s tights to retain.

Rating: D+. Another TV level match here with Los Guerreros coming up short again as we get closer to their inevitable split. The Bashams aren’t a great team (though they have apparently have a classic period) but they’re serviceable for something like this. Get rid of the dominatrix stuff though as it’s not working, isn’t funny and makes Shaniqua look like the important part of the team, which misses the point entirely.

Replays show Chavo kicking Eddie down by mistake, meaning this is far from over.

JR doesn’t think Austin can handle this trusting people stuff and has never seen Austin this angry.

We recap Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff. They’re running the show together but Austin isn’t allowed to attack people at will anymore. On top of that, a lot of people are accusing him of ruining the show through his various antics. That doesn’t sit well with Austin, so it’s time for a winner take all match with the winner getting to run Raw on their own. The idea is Austin has to trust people, which goes against everything he believes in.

Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff

Austin: Shawn Michaels, Dudley Boyz, Booker T., Rob Van Dam

Bischoff: Scott Steiner, Mark Henry, Christian, Chris Jericho, Randy Orton

Coach, Stacy Keibler and the two team captains are at ringside. The fans want tables to start but have to settle with D-Von and Christian instead. D-Von shoulders him down to start but gets slapped in the face, triggering a bunch of right hands to the head. That’s not a nice response. Van Dam comes in for some forearms to the face and a kick to the jaw gets the same. It’s off to Jericho for some more luck, followed by Steiner whipping Van Dam hard into the corner to set up some posing.

Van Dam’s comeback is cut off by a belly to belly superplex but he’s able to get over to Booker for the hot tag. Things speed way up in a hurry and the scissors kick into the Spinarooni makes Bischoff face palm. Everything breaks down in a hurry and Steiner hits Booker low. The Recliner goes on but Stacy offers a distraction, setting up a reverse 3D. A Bookend is enough to get rid of Steiner and make it 5-4.

The World’s Strongest Slam gets rid of Booker a few seconds later to tie it right back up. Bubba comes in to try his luck and is sent hard into the corner. D-Von’s help doesn’t make things much better as the Dudleys are rammed together. Mark misses a charge though and it’s a 3D into the Five Star for the elimination. It’s off to Orton for a hard clothesline on Van Dam but Rob scores with a kick. Another Five Star is loaded up but Jericho makes a save, setting up the RKO to tie things up at three each. Jericho comes in and missile dropkicks D-Von down as JR and King wonder how things will go tomorrow night.

D-Von shoulders Jericho down for no count as Christian has the referee, setting up the sleeper drop for another elimination. This match is already better paced than the opener and here’s Shawn to pick things up all over again. Shawn pounds on Jericho in the corner and catches an invading Christian without much effort. Orton gets in a dropkick but stays down anyway as I guess he didn’t hit all of it. A double tag brings in Christian and Bubba with a backdrop getting two on the Canadian.

Jericho runs Christian over by mistake but a low blow sets up the Unprettier to get rid of Bubba. We’re down to Shawn vs. Christian/Jericho/Orton and Austin is starting to see how much trouble he’s in. Shawn punches away at Christian to start but some good old fashioned double teaming has Shawn in trouble again. Like there’s any other way this should go. Shawn is taken outside and catapulted into the post (you can see him blade on the wide shot) to bust open a GUSHER.

That and a suplex are only good for two back inside and Christian even steals his pose. Jerry: “That was a creepy little pose right there.” The Unprettier is broken up and a quick Sweet Chin Music gets rid of Christian. A frustrated Jericho comes in and gets two off a clothesline before handing it back to Orton. Shawn gets in a belly to back suplex but Jericho comes back in to take over again. As usual, JR is perfect at calling this kind of a story and Shawn getting two off a DDT has Jerry trying as hard as he can to believe in Shawn.

The Lionsault hits knees and Shawn pulls himself up but gets pulled into a Walls attempt. That’s reversed into a quick small package to get rid of Jericho and make it one on one (Lawler: “I BELIEVE I BELIEVE!”). Jericho isn’t gone yet though and caves Shawn’s head in with a chair shot. Why that isn’t a DQ on Orton isn’t clear but Shawn is done as Orton comes back in.

That’s only good for two and you can see the sigh of relief from Austin. Orton’s high crossbody hits the referee and here’s Bischoff to break up Sweet Chin Music. That’s too much for Austin so it’s a Stunner to Orton but he makes the mistake of beating on Bischoff a bit too much. They go up the aisle and here’s Batista to powerbomb Shawn, giving Orton the final pin.

Rating: B+. I love this match and always have. It doesn’t really pick up until Shawn is on his own but that’s what he’s done best throughout his entire career. He knows how to play the underdog better than anyone I’ve ever seen and you really can get behind the Lawler mindset of trying to believe here. As usual, Shawn is great in this role and it’s never too far to believe that he could pull this off (quick superkick, small package for two eliminations). Great stuff, but you might want to skip the first few minutes.

Austin is stunned at the loss because he placed his career in someone else’s hands and was let down. The bloody Shawn can barely stand and Austin congratulates him for giving it everything he had. Austin grabs the mic and talks about starting here in Dallas and going out here as well. Coach comes out to laugh and gets beaten up one more time with security getting the same treatment. Beer is consumed as a final goodbye. You know, assuming you believe that he’s gone for good this time.

We recap Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon. Undertaker wants the title one more time but Vince screwed him over at No Mercy. Therefore Undertaker wanted a Buried Alive match here, because that’s where you go from here. Vince then went into this weird spiritual thing, which really didn’t work or accomplish much.

Tazz’s key for Vince’s victory: AVOID THE HOLE! Good advice.

Vince McMahon vs. Undertaker

Buried Alive and Vince drops to a knee in prayer before the match. Undertaker punches him down to start and the beating is on in a hurry. Vince is already bleeding less than thirty seconds in as this is going to be one sided for a long time. The beating continues until Undertaker crotches him on the post to switch things up a bit. More low blows keep Vince in trouble and it’s time to go to the floor with Undertaker choking with a cord. Completely one sided so far, as you probably guessed.

Cole and Tazz try to explain the idea of Vince being punished for his sins, which I’m guessing are mainly about Stephanie. I mean, almost everything else is. Vince is thrown over the announcers’ table and it’s time to go to the grave. Well just Undertaker at this point and he comes back with a shovel. One heck of a shot to the head rocks Vince again and Cole declares it over. So much for Undertaker’s hot streak.

Vince’s ankle gets crushed by the steps and NOW it’s time to head to the grave. Vince finally throws some dirt in the eyes (his first “offense”) and a low blow keeps Undertaker in trouble. A shovel to the head puts Undertaker in the grave….for a few seconds. He pulls Vince in and goes to the front loader to drop the dirt but gets cut off by lightning. Cue Kane to beat up Undertaker and bury him (again) to give Vince the win.

Rating: D-. So yeah LOLVINCEWINS because of course he does. There was nothing to see here unless you like Undertaker destroying people and then having a surprise ending. The announcers treated this like Undertaker’s last match, because if there’s one thing Undertaker is known for, it’s going away for good. It’s more of a match than an angle, and there’s no way that’s how Undertaker is going out. Bad match but moderately entertaining beatdown.

Cole and Tazz are SHOCKED.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Goldberg won the title last month so HHH put a $100,000 bounty on his head. Batista returned and collected by breaking Goldberg’s ankle so tonight it’s about revenge and the title. There’s not much of a reason for this to main event but would you expect much else? Well save for Vince maybe?

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Goldberg

Goldberg is defending and is coming in with a bad ankle. HHH is looking as out of shape as I’ve seen him in years, probably due to his bad groin injury. Hang on a second though as Goldberg has to quickly dispatch Flair to make it a little more fair. They head outside in short order with Goldberg hammering away but the ankle gives out on a gorilla press attempt.

A chop block takes Goldberg down and we hit the meat of the match. Flair is back up as HHH sends Goldberg outside, meaning a distraction sets up a chair to Goldberg’s ankle. There’s another chop block back inside and the slow leg work continues with Flair getting in a few shots of his own. A knee drop keeps the ankle in trouble and we hit a half crab. At least he knows his low level submissions.

Goldberg grabs the rope and fires off some right hands to little avail. A limping clothesline works a bit better as Flair is beside himself. HHH takes him down again and calls for a Figure Four, only to be kicked into the referee. That means brass knuckles for a very near fall and HHH beats up the referee again. The sledgehammer is brought down but Goldberg kicks him down with the bad ankle.

Flair’s latest attempt at interfering gets him slammed off the top (JR: “It hasn’t worked in thirty years.”) and Goldberg grabs the hammer. A shot to the ribs drops Flair and an invading Batista and Orton are quickly dispatched as well. The Pedigree is blocked and Goldberg picks up the hammer again but throws it down. Instead it’s a spear and Jackhammer to retain the title like a real man.

Rating: D+. Well if you’re a fan of HHH working the ankle, have fun. Goldberg looks strong, but there have been so many other big matches tonight that this isn’t the strongest way to end things. I’ll give them points for giving Goldberg a push, but you’re crazy if you think HHH isn’t getting the title back within the next month. Just a messy brawl, but it could have been much worse. At least HHH didn’t need fifteen minutes of working the leg.

Overall Rating: C-. There’s some good and bad stuff on this show but the bad wins out in the end. Between the weak main event, not great opener and pretty terrible Vince vs. Undertaker match, there’s not enough to put with Shawn’s amazing performance. This was better than I was expecting though and that’s a nice relief. Both shows need something fresh on top and it actually seems to be happening on Smackdown. I’ll take one out of two, especially at this point in time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown – November 13, 2003: The First of Many

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: November 13, 2003
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Survivor Series and that means it’s time for a bunch of matches to set up Sunday’s elimination match. However, one of those matches needs a participant as Kurt Angle’s team only has four members at this point. You can probably guess the last member but the official announcement probably takes place tonight. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Later tonight: Brock Lesnar/Big Show vs. Chris Benoit/the fifth member.

Kurt Angle vs. Nathan Jones

Jones has Matt Morgan in his corner but he’s ejected before the music even turns off. A top wristlock goes very badly for Angle so he switches to a double leg takedown for some better results. You know, by using wrestling. Back up and a big boot misses so Angle can knock him out to the floor. Jones drops him face first onto the barricade though and Angle is in some sudden trouble. Not enough trouble that he can’t punch his way out of it, followed by a middle rope dropkick for two.

A hard slam plants Angle though and we hit a very lazy looking neck crank. Jones drops an elbow for two, which Cole calls impressive. That would be a vintage low standard. Back up and Angle’s clotheslines just get on Jones’ nerves but the rolling German suplexes work far better. Kurt grabs the Angle Slam and ankle lock but Morgan comes back in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Angle was trying as hard as he could here but it’s clear that Jones is still very limited. If only there was a place they could send him for development of his skills or something like that. The match didn’t have time for Angle to build anything up, but I’m scared to imagine what it might have been if this wasn’t either Angle or Benoit or someone with the energy and skill to pull this off as well as he did.

The beatdown is on until Hardcore Holly makes his, ahem, triumphant return with a chair for the save. Holly wants Lesnar right now but gets no one.

After a break, Holly is still hunting for Lesnar but Paul Heyman threatens to suspend him if he doesn’t calm down. Heyman begs him to leave tonight because he’s not medically cleared until Sunday. Holly eventually leaves and yeah, the fact that it’s Hardcore Holly completely kills what they’re going for here.

Sable and Vince McMahon are looking at the WWE 24 book with pictures of Vince’s dog. Vince isn’t interested because he has a headache but a picture of Undertaker makes him angry. He talks about a dream he had where he was watching maggots eat his dead body but he wound up eating them. Then he couldn’t move and laid there in a stench until they ate him again and again in a loop. Eventually he woke up and smelled the same stench because he had soiled himself. Vince: “What does this mean?” It means that Vince wrote this segment and doesn’t understand why this feud is so bad.

Here’s Jamie Noble to call out Tajiri before Survivor Series. Tajiri actually comes out but the goons, now named as as Akio and Sakoda, follow him for the beatdown. Rey Mysterio runs in for the save though and clears the ring.

Akio/Sakoda vs. Rey Mysterio/Jamie Noble

Joined in progress after a break with Noble slamming Akio before it’s off to Sakoda for some stomping. Mysterio springboards in with a high crossbody to speed things up, only to walk into a hot shot. We hit the front facelock and then a cravate as the new guys are a decent power team, at least for their size. Rey slides between his legs but Akio (who the announcers keep calling Sakada) cuts Tajiri off.

Akio grabs a choke with his knees in Rey’s back but Rey pops up with a headscissors into a reverse DDT for the double knockdown. The hot tag brings in Noble so things can speed up again. Everything breaks down and Akio spinwheel kicks Noble down. The West Coast Pop is broken up though and Tajiri comes in to kick Tajiri in the head, giving Akio the pin. The referee doesn’t even notice that Akio’s feet are underneath the ropes. Fire this man.

Rating: D+. Not the worst match in the world here but Akio and Sakoda aren’t the most thrilling team. Tajiri being built up is a good idea and there’s something to this Noble feud as I want to see Jamie get some revenge. The wrestling wasn’t great though and the ending was a little messy. I do want to see Noble vs. Tajiri more though and that’s the point of the match.

Eddie and Chavo are in the back when a detective comes in. Eddie’s wife’s sister has been in a horrible accident in El Paso so Eddie has to leave. Chavo isn’t happy with this because of their Tag Team Title match tonight. Eddie glares at him and Chavo calms down.

Post break Chavo goes to Paul Heyman, who postpones the title match until Survivor Series. For tonight though, Chavo has to have a handicap match. Shaniqua and the Bashams agree to the idea with Shaniqua accusing Chavo of not having any huevos. The match is made.

The announcers plug the Unscripted book. I remember wanting to read that.

Undertaker is in the graveyard, saying Vince is the one that has to pay. Sunday is Vince’s day of reckoning and he’ll become another victim. Undertaker talks about all the people he’s destroyed but none of them have wanted his wife raped or his children kidnapped. Keep in mind that this is coming from Undertaker, who once kidnapped Vince’s daughter and tried to force her to become his wife in a demonic wedding.

Undertaker shovels dirt into the grave and talks about wanting Vince to suffocate on the thoughts of what he’s done to people over the years. This is said over shots of Vince torturing Stephanie, because somehow, this is still about her. Even when Stephanie isn’t here she drives stories.

Basham Brothers vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo takes Danny to the mat to start as Tazz determines why Eddie is called Latino Heat: He’s Latino and he has heat. An armdrag into some dropkicks have Danny in trouble so Shaniqua gives the Brothers a little whipping for motivation. Chavo kicks Doug in the ribs and dives off the apron onto Danny, followed by a Boston crab back inside. That’s broken up and we hit the double teaming in the corner.

Doug grabs a chinlock as the announcers debate Heyman’s issues with family. The hold goes nowhere so Doug goes up for the dive onto Chavo’s raised foot. Everything breaks down and Chavo hits a tornado DDT to send Doug outside. Shaniqua tries to come in and it’s Twin Magic so Danny can get a small package for the pin.

Rating: D. So in other words it’s the same match as last week but Chavo isn’t as good as Eddie. There’s not enough to this story to keep it going for so many weeks, mainly because the Bashams have no characters other than liking to be whipped by Shaniqua. Chavo is trying but at the end of the day, he’s Chavo Guerrero and working with Eddie. There’s only so much he can do.

Post match Shaniqua kicks Chavo in the face, setting up a double beatdown.

Kurt Angle won’t talk about the fifth member.

Chavo gets treatment as the Bashams laugh from the locker room. IT WAS A RUSE! So now the Bashams and Shaniqua are outsmarting Eddie and Chavo?

Bradshaw vs. A-Train

….oh dear. They fight over a lockup to start until Train clubs him upside the head a few times. Bradshaw sends him to the floor to no avail as Train runs him over back inside. The catapult into the middle rope has Bradshaw in more trouble and we hit a bad sleeper. Bradshaw reverses into one of his own but gets suplexed down. Somehow, that’s enough to keep A-Train down at the same time, mainly because wrestling is weird that way. Bradshaw gets in a dropkick (!) and swinging neckbreaker but charges into an elbow in the corner. The Derailer gets two and it’s the Clothesline to put A-Train away.

Rating: D. Oddly enough I didn’t hate this as they just hit each other really hard for a while. The problem is they did that for over six minutes, which is far longer than these two should be out there. The other problem is Bradshaw. There’s nothing about him (at least in this version) that makes him anything more than a big guy with a hard clothesline. I need something more than that to get invested in.

Angle and Benoit are in the back with Benoit really not liking Angle’s pick for the fifth team member. Whoever it is has made a career out of making them miserable and they can’t be trusted. Angle points out that they feel the same way about each other but sometimes you have to deal with it to reach a common goal. John Cena comes in to say he doesn’t like them either but he’ll team with them to get his hands on Team Lesnar. Benoit threatens Cena and promises to take it out on Angle if things go badly.

Vince is stressed so Sable brings in a priest to relieve some tension. Sable leaves them alone and Vince recaps the situation. The priest starts praying but Vince asks why his eyes are open. Is he that awed by Vince’s presence? Next Vince wants to pray on their knees but that doesn’t work either. The prayer continues and Vince breaks into laughter. See, this prayer needs to be for Undertaker because Vince has heard the calling. Vince cuts a promo on Undertaker and the priest is stunned. As has been the case since it started, this is stupid.

Video on Raw’s matches.

Tazz and Cole run down the blue show matches.

Brock Lesnar/Big Show vs. John Cena/Chris Benoit

Cena and Lesnar start things off and it feels so much more natural to have Cena as a face. Lesnar throws him around without much effort and drives the shoulders in the corner. Some power drives Lesnar into the corner and it’s off to Benoit for the rapid fire kicks to the ribs. A snap suplex gets two but Show comes in to headbutt Cena down without much effort. The fans chant SUBWAY because that passes for clever around here. Show gets in the chokeslam but Benoit pulls Cena to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Cena caught in an abdominal stretch and getting suplexed by Brock. Lesnar tries one too many suplexes though (I’m as shocked as you are) and gets taken down, allowing the hot tag to Benoit. A release German suplex sets up the Swan Dive for two with Show making the save. One heck of a clothesline takes Benoit down and it’s back to Show for more tossing. That means more SUBWAY chants as Show sits on Benoit’s chest.

Brock’s chinlock keeps things slow until Benoit chops his way up and grabs another German suplex. The hot tag isn’t seen though and Cena is taken back to the apron, allowing Lesnar to grab a DDT. Benoit finally gets in an enziguri for the real hot tag to Cena and everything breaks down. The Crossface to Lesnar has the referee distracted, allowing Cena to low blow Show and hit him with the chain for the pin.

Rating: D+. Dull match, but the ending was the right idea. Cena is still brand new at the good guy thing and it makes perfect sense to have him act like a villain until he gets used to this new role. He cheated to win here but he’s cheating against bad guys. Once this feud is over, he can become the full on good guy that he’s destined to be.

Overall Rating: D. There’s no way around it: Survivor Series isn’t looking great overall and the blue side is much weaker than its red counterpart. Undertaker vs. Vince is a bad story and the Survivor Series match feels thrown together (when Hardcore Holly and Bradshaw are two of your best options, there’s a major problem). Like, are Angle, Cena and Benoit going after the title after this? They’re certainly not acting like it at the moment. Throw in something like that and see if this gets better. As things are now, things aren’t looking good but maybe they can surprise me. Save us Raw?

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XXXIV: The Same Old Story

IMG Credit: WWE

Wrestlemania XXXIV
Date: April 8, 2018
Location: Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 78,133
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton

So here we are. After all these months, we’ve finally arrived at Wrestlemania and as JR has put it, it don’t get no bigger than this. The main event is Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar (THIS TIME FOR SURE!), along with Ronda Rousey making her long awaited in-ring debut. It’s hard to say what to expect, other than a very long show with a lot of stuff crammed in. Let’s get to it.

I was in the stadium for this show. My seat was in the lower arena in the corner, opposite the hard camera. I was looking almost directly at the upper right hand ring post.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are in on commentary for this, along with Saxton. I was coming into the stadium as the wrestlers came down the ramp so my timing couldn’t have been much better. As usual, it’s almost impossible to tell what’s going on to start until Aiden English is eliminated. Anderson gets rid of Viktor and it’s already time for Ziggler to do his last second saves.

There goes Hawkins (who I still can’t wait to see actually win something) R-Truth and Goldust reunite for all of eight seconds before Goldust tosses him. With an incorrect countdown to Wrestlemania clock on the screen, Primo is eliminated as well. Mike Kanellis is out (I forgot he worked here too) as Byron tries to explain the Woken Universe to JR. With Jim not exactly sounding interested, Apollo knees Breeze out.

Viktor is out next and the ring is starting to clear a bit, at least to the point where you can at least see the mat. Matt does his rapid fire rams into the buckles to rock Goldust, drawing another DELETE chant. Ryder loads up the Broski Boot on Ziggler but Mojo Rawley runs him over for another elimination to make the fans hate him even more. Gable eliminates Anderson and Titus gets rid of Gallows and we take a break.

Back (After they showed the commercial in the stadium. You know, the place WHERE WE’RE WATCHING WHAT THEY’RE ADVERTISING!) with Revival getting rid of Apollo. Wilder is sent to the apron but a Dawson save allows them to eliminate Benjamin instead. The Revival is sent out at the same time, followed by Kane getting rid of the Miztourage. We cut to the crowd where John Cena is watching as a fan (because of course he is) and come back to see Cara being tossed as well.

Kane uppercuts Fandango out and Slater makes the mistake of going to the apron, allowing Corbin to get rid of him as well. Gable joins him on the floor, leaving us with Corbin, Goldust, Rawley, Ziggler, Fandango, Kane, O’Neil and Dillinger. That means a Kane vs. Corbin showdown but everyone else interferes before anything happens. Titus starts cleaning house and throws Ziggler over his shoulders, only to get superkicked and clotheslined out. Goldust snaps off the powerslam to Ziggler and it’s Shattered Dreams to Tye.

Ziggler is ready for him though and dumps Goldust but gets punched down by Hardy. That gives us the TEN vs. DELETE showdown, which I didn’t know I needed to see. A Twist of Fate is enough to get rid of Dillinger, followed by Ziggler superkicking Kane’s hands. Kane dumps him without much effort but Corbin dumps his fellow giant to get us down to Mojo, Corbin and Hardy. A fireman’s carry faceplant drops Hardy and the double teaming begins. Not that it matters as we’ve got Bray Wyatt to save Hardy, allowing him to eliminate Rawley. Wyatt takes End of Days but Matt gets rid of Corbin to win at 16:34 as Wyatt wasn’t entered.

Rating: D-. Yeah this was terrible, running WAY too long and making me wonder when it was going to be over. So many of these people just don’t need to be on Wrestlemania (Hawkins, Ascension, R-Truth, Primo, Kanellis, Rawley to name a few) and they’re just extending the show by being in this. Matt winning makes the most sense as it’s not like many other people in the match are doing anything at the moment.

Matt and Bray pose post match as Bray is officially good. Now just don’t get injured and lose your spot again.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali

The title is vacant coming in, Drake Maverick is at ringside and Ali is SubZero for some reason. Cedric shouts a lot and they shake hands for the sake of good sportsmanship. An exchange of shoulders goes to Cedric so Ali snaps off a hurricanrana for our first standoff. Back up and Cedric flips away to grab a headscissors, followed by a dropkick for two. Ali gets sent to the floor and taken down by a big flip dive but there’s no commercial, despite the announcers sounding like they were sending us to one. Nice change of pace for once.

Back in and we hit a waistlock to keep Ali down and a high backdrop gives Cedric two. Another waistlock and a knee to the ribs keep Cedric on target as he certainly has a game plan. Cedric plants him with a Spanish Fly and counters a tornado DDT by crotching Ali on top. With Ali stunned, Cedric goes up as well but gets caught in a super Spanish Fly, which even impresses Cena. The 054 is broken up with a shove to the floor and now we go to the inset ad for Rousey’s debut. At least they didn’t show this in the stadium, which would have almost been just as annoying as showing the whole thing.

Back with Cedric getting caught in a reverse hurricanrana and now the tornado DDT connects. The 054 hits this time but Cedric gets his foot on the ropes. Another 054 attempt misses and Alexander elbows him in the head. Ali gets elbowed down again and the Lumbar Check gives him the title at 12:18.

Rating: B-. This was a lot less competitive than I remember it being as Alexander dominated from the beginning and ran over Ali save for a little flurry near the end. Alexander winning is the right call and I’m glad neither of them went heel here. They both looked good but Ali was a step behind what he usually does here. I had a good time with it and Cedric winning is a feel good moment. That’s all you could ask for here.

Kickoff Show: Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal

Naomi, Carmella, Mandy Rose, Peyton Royce, Liv Morgan, Kavita Devi, Sarah Logan, Dakota Kai, Sasha Banks, Mickie James, Bianca Belair, Becky Lynch, Kairi Sane, Taynara Conti, Sonya Deville, Lana, Bayley, Ruby Riott, Natalya, Dana Brooke

Paige and Beth Phoenix are on commentary. Royce, Devi, Kai, Belair, Sane and Conti are from NXT. Lynch, Bayley and Banks are the only ones to get entrances. Carmella poses with the briefcase at the bell and gets gang attacked, meaning it’s an early elimination. It’s Dana being circled (Dana: “THAT’S NOT NICE!”) and gang attacked for the elimination.

Everything breaks down and the NXT women stand tall, meaning it’s time for the required NXT chant. Becky yells at Devi for stealing the orange look and gets slammed for her complaints. Mandy gets tossed and Paige is panicking. Deville is slammed down and Belair is allowed to hit a 450 as we take a break.

Back with Sane being tossed after hitting the Insane Elbow on Riott during the commercial. Devi is tossed and Conti is knocked out a few seconds later. Belair whips Becky with the hair but gets kicked out in short order. Kai kicks Naomi in the face to put her under the ropes and out to the floor. Banks gets rid of Kai and Riott punches Mickie out. Now it’s Royce firing off some kicks but the Riott Squad superkick her out to a chorus of boos.

We’re down to the Squad, Natalya, Banks, Bayley and Naomi on the floor. Natalya suplexes Riott and Logan down but Bayley saves Sasha from the same. Bayley and Sasha get rid of Natalya, Morgan, Riott and Logan in short order. They stare each other down and Bayley gets the quick elimination. Cue Naomi though and the Rear View is good for the win at 9:49.

Rating: D+. I liked it better than the men’s version (that’s not exactly a high bar to clear) but egads what is the point in giving this to Naomi? She’s been doing a grand total of nothing in recent weeks (months really) and there was a story between Banks and Bayley. This feels like giving Orton the Royal Rumble last year in that someone has to win it, even if

And now, the main show.

Khloe and Halle sing America the Beautiful. They’re billed as “the future of music” but I’m not convinced. If that’s the case, I’d expect an original song.

The opening video is about having a good time, just like it was four years ago. The camera walks through the streets of New Orleans and goes into a cafe/club before someone goes onto a balcony to throw beads down to a crowd below. The regular highlight package, set to Kid Rock’s Celebrate and mixed with Wrestlemania XXX highlights (good choice really), takes us into the stadium and my goodness the set looks amazing. It’s designed to look like a Mardi Gras mask, though the bottom looks like a huge mustache over the entrance. Also, several of the wrestlers’ eyes will appear in the mask for a very cool touch.

Intercontinental Title: Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor vs. The Miz

Miz is defending after both challengers beat him in one night, which is totally the same thing or something. Rollins has blue contacts in, I guess making him the ice to the fire that burns it down? Still though, looks pretty cool. In another cool addition, there are some personalized 3D projections for some wrestlers, including Miz’s name with quotes around him saying how great and awesome Miz is. These could only be seen on the monitors so I didn’t notice them until the second match.

Miz, looking even goofier than usual with what looks like a red version of Drew Gulak’s old gear, sends the Miztourage to the back so he can do this on his own. Balor has a rainbow shirt on with a group of fans in identical shirts cheering him on from the stage. The screens say “for everyone” with FOR EVER capitalized.

Balor sends Miz into Rollins to start and some rollups get two for all three of them. With Miz being sent outside, Rollins superkicks Balor in the ribs, only to get sent outside. That means a big flip dive onto the two of them as Balor gets the first real advantage. Everyone heads back inside with Rollins hitting a double Blockbuster for two on Balor. Miz takes Rollins down and grabs a chinlock for a few seconds to slow things down. A neckbreaker gets two on Balor and it’s back to the chinlock.

Balor fights up and stomps on Miz’s ribs but gets caught with a Sling Blade from Rollins. Seth isn’t done and hits a suicide dive on both guys, only to get caught in a Sling Blade from Balor. Miz’s short DDT gets two on Seth and he boots Rollins in the face to break up a springboard. A dragon screw legwhip sets up the Figure Four on Balor but here’s Rollins with a frog splash for the break. That looked much better on screen as you didn’t see Rollins until he was on the top and ready to jump.

They all head outside again with Balor escaping the shoulder breaking barricade bomb. Instead it’s a Sling Blade to put Rollins down but he’s back up with an enziguri to rock Balor. That earns him a Pele and the 1916 for two as Balor is stunned. Miz catches Balor on top but gets caught in a buckle bomb, leaving Balor to take the superplex into a Falcon Arrow but Balor reverses into a small package for two. A Skull Crushing Finale gets two on Rollins to cap off a rocking sequence.

Another Finale is reversed into a rollup for two but Balor gets crotched on top. Rollins goes up top with him but Miz is right there with a super Skull Crushing Finale (looked better than it sounds). The cover is broken up with a Coup de Grace and a second hits Miz clean. Rollins runs over with a Stomp to drive Balor’s head into Miz’s back, followed by the regular version to pin Miz for the title at 15:30.

Rating: B. This was the kind of match you expect from the Intercontinental Title as all three were working hard and the match felt very crisp at the same time. Miz will get the title back someday and break both records, as he should. I’m sure Balor will get the title as well, which is nothing but good for the Intercontinental Title. If nothing else it’s cool to see the former World Champions becoming Intercontinental Champions. That wasn’t always the case (After Pedro Morales, the next former World Champion to win an Intercontinental Title was HHH in 2001) but it’s a good way to give the title some more instant credibility.

Ad for the Andre documentary. I’ve heard good things.

Cena is still a fan. How cool would it be to have him next to you at Wrestlemania?

We recap Charlotte vs. Asuka, which is title vs. streak. Charlotte has dominated the Women’s Division for nearly three years now but Asuka hasn’t a match since debuting in late 2015. The match here is Queen vs. Empress with Charlotte saying she’s ready for Asuka.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Asuka

Charlotte is defending and copies HHH’s entrance from Wrestlemania XXX with a throne and three masked men helping her off. These three: Riddick Moss, Tino Sabbatelli and Dan Matha. I’m assuming this was something about she once helped HHH off the throne but now she has her own, but it felt like a tribute to HHH more than anything else. Asuka on the other hand has 3D masks superimposed over her entrance. You know, in case it wasn’t scary enough already.

They fight over a wristlock to start with both of them flipping away, leaving Charlotte to hit the strut. Charlotte trips her down and goes for the leg but Asuka kicks her away, setting up a knee shot for two. Back up and Asuka’s hip attack is blocked so it’s time for the chops. The second hip attack sends Charlotte outside and you can see the cockiness on Asuka’s face.

Charlotte gets back in and it’s time to start cranking on the arm to set up the Asuka Lock. It’s way too early for that though so Charlotte strikes her in the face a few times but has to break another attempt. This time it’s a backpack Stunner to get Charlotte out of trouble and some knees to the head (think the Stomp but with a knee) put Asuka down again. The moonsault misses though as Asuka catches her in a triangle (SWEET!) in the middle of the ring.

That’s reverses into a Boston crab but Asuka rolls her way out of it. They head to the apron (becoming way too common) and Asuka suplexes her down to the floor in a big crash. Back in and the missile dropkick puts Charlotte down for two and Asuka is getting frustrated. They go up top and it’s a super Spanish Fly (I believe that’s three on the night so far) to give Charlotte a big breather.

Natural Selection is countered into something like an Octopus Hold on the mat before switching to the Asuka Lock. Charlotte reverses that with a rollup before cutting Asuka in half with a spear for a VERY near fall. With Asuka half done, Charlotte grabs the Figure Eight, balancing on one hand because of the banged up arm. After hanging on as long as she can, Asuka ACTUALLY TAPS to retain Charlotte’s title at 13:05.

Rating: A-. I was kind of stunned at the amount of time this had as I would have bet on it being at least five minutes longer. This felt like a clash of titans and Charlotte winning gives her a very strong case for being the best of all time. Aside from not being around as long as some others, she has the resume, skill and pure skill to make her the best WWE has ever seen.

Having Asuka do a lot of her usual stuff (albeit cranked up a few notches) was a great way to set up the match as Charlotte was able to hang on and use what she had seen along with her natural athleticism to be ready for what Asuka brought. It was hard hitting, told a story and was an instant classic. Great stuff here, which shouldn’t be that surprising.

Post match Asuka says Charlotte was ready for Asuka and congratulates her.

With Charlotte on the ramp and Asuka in the ring, a referee tells Cena something (the words “Taker is here” may have been spoken) so Cena jumps the barricade (security around here sucks) and sprints up the ramp. That took something away from the women’s moment. Do the commercial and then move on to the Cena angle. It’s not going to make that much of a difference and lets the women have their full moment.

US Title: Bobby Roode vs. Rusev vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending after having a three way feud with Roode and Mahal for the last few weeks. Rusev pinned Orton in a tag match to be added, along with being one of the hottest guys in the company. Aiden English (who has gotten his hair cut since the battle royal) introduces Rusev, in rhyme of course. You can see the fans heading for the concourse during the entrances, which is rather interesting given how popular Rusev was over the weekend. Aside from a Wrestlemania shirt, I saw more Rusev Day shirts than anything else. I guess the repelling powers of Mahal and Orton are too much even for Rusev Day.

The early threat of an RKO sends Mahal bailing to the floor and Rusev dropkicks Roode to the floor. Rusev cannonballs off the apron to take out Orton and Mahal as Phillips acknowledges the popularity of Rusev Day. Back in and Roode’s Blockbuster gets two, leaving Mahal to get punched back and forth between Roode and Orton. A superplex brings Roode down but it’s Mahal asking Rusev for an alliance.

Rusev, realizing that he should have been Mahal last year, stomps Mahal down in the corner instead before getting two off a belly to back suplex. Roode is back with a spinebuster for two on Mahal but gets posted by Orton. Now it’s Rusev kicking Orton down until a spinwheel kick misses. The hanging DDT plants Rusev and English is starting to panic. A pair of RKO’s take out English and Rusev, followed by one to Mahal for a near fall with Roode making the save. Mahal takes a Machka Kick but can’t get the Accolade. Instead he has to deal with Sunil Singh and walks into the Khallas to make Mahal champion at 8:15.

Rating: D. And that is the big middle finger to the fans who thought they were getting somewhere with the Rusev Day chants. WWE wants Jinder Mahal to be pushed in this role and the lack of success and complete apathy to his push means nothing. This is what WWE wants and you can chant RUSEV DAY and buy his merchandise all you want. Mahal is WWE’s guy right now and you can just deal with it until they’re tired of him. Rusev taking the fall here is all the evidence you need: your voices don’t matter here and get over it. The match was as uninteresting as these four were going to be, which was completely expected.

The Fashion Police try to give Mick Foley a ticket but Breeze likes his style, driving Fandango to his knees in terror.

We recap Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon. Rousey signed with WWE earlier in the year but Angle thinks HHH and Stephanie are just trying to use her. This set off a feud between the two teams with Rousey beating HHH much, only to have Stephanie put her through a table. The match was set up because Rousey needs a debut and putting her in a tag match is the best possible idea. It lets them hide her negatives and accentuate her positives so this has some potential. Of course there’s also the potential that it’s really just about Stephanie, which certainly wouldn’t be outside the realm of possibility.

Stephanie McMahon/HHH vs. Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle

In a near repeat of last year, HHH and Stephanie come out on matching motorcycles with a group of motorcycles accompanying them. I don’t know if HHH is just that big a fan of motorcycles or if he just wanted to see his wife as a biker chick again (fair enough) but this didn’t do much for me. Rousey comes out in a Roddy Piper style kilt, in what shouldn’t be a shock to anyone paying attention whatsoever. The fans give Rousey a nice reaction and Stephanie pie faces her before the bell. They’re already milking the heck out of Rousey murdering her and a hair pull makes things even worse.

The men start things off with the fans telling Angle that he still has it. Angle cranks on the arm as they’re actually treating this like a tag match to start. Stephanie offers a low bridge though and HHH sends him into the steps to really take over. A suplex brings Angle back inside and we’re just waiting on this to explode. Back in and HHH calls for and delivers a spinebuster for two. Angle kicks him away and nearly into Stephanie but HHH puts the brakes on in time. A suplex drops HHH, only to have Stephanie pull Rousey off the apron. I’ll give Stephanie this: she knows how to be an amazing heel.

Another kick to the floor is enough for the tag to Rousey and the place goes coconuts. Rousey EXPLODES into the corner (Graves: “CALL THE COPS!”) to pull Stephanie in and scores with a running clothesline. With Stephanie in big trouble (Rouse: “COME ON B****!”), Rousey takes her into the corner and unloads with rights and lefts before throwing Stephanie again. It’s already time for the arm….and Stephanie blocks it by stacking her up.

Back up and Rousey goes into Beast Mode, setting up a spinning Samoan drop for two with HHH pulling the referee out. Rousey: “You’re the biggest cheater I’ve ever seen! I’m going to go continue beating up your wife ok?” HHH pulls Rousey outside as well but Angle takes him onto the announcers’ table. Kurt gets thrown onto the other table so HHH can check on Stephanie. He turns around to see Rousey though and it’s time for some intergender violence.

You can see HHH thinking about it and the fans are WAY into this one. He finally agrees to it and Rousey UNLOADS on him with rights and lefts to drive HHH into the corner. A fireman’s carry has HHH in trouble but Stephanie makes the save. This was GREAT with HHH selling the heck out of the beating and making Rousey look that much better. Stephanie slaps Rousey for some reason and the chase is on, this time with Stephanie sending him into the barricade.

HHH takes Rousey down though and it’s time for Angle to unleash the suplexes. The rolling German suplexes have HHH in trouble but he tries a quick Pedigree. That’s reversed into a catapult into the corner (he always takes that so well) and the Angle Slam gets two. There go the straps (that never gets old) but Stephanie breaks up the ankle lock. Angle doesn’t seem to mind and puts the ankle lock on her (doesn’t look great this time around). That’s broken up with a Pedigree but Rousey makes a save.

A powerbomb attempt to Rousey is countered into a hurricanrana (good one too) and there’s the armbar on HHH. The place (including me) goes even more nuts until Stephanie makes the save with a sleeper (called a rear naked choke, which of course Stephanie knows how to do). That’s reversed into another armbar attempt but Stephanie blocks AGAIN.

The ankle lock goes on HHH and the villains grab hands until HHH sends Angle into the women for the break. Angle and Rousey both get posted and it’s time for the double Pedigree. Kurt sends HHH to the floor and the armbar….is blocked for a third time. Rousey FINALLY gets it on and Stephanie taps at 20:38. Dana White is shown applauding Rousey from the front row.

Rating: A-. I can’t give it anything higher than that due to Stephanie going toe to toe with Rousey (at grappling nonetheless) but this was INCREDIBLY fun and far better than anything I was expecting. They pulled every trick they could to make Rousey look better here and it worked to near perfection. She looked like someone who had been doing this for years and came off like a star who is in this for the long haul. Absolutely incredible here and as entertaining as it could have been. I had a blast, Stephanie issues aside. The ending was fine and the most important part, so we’ll call this a major success.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers vs. Usos

The Usos are defending, the New Day has 3D pancakes and, with the call of the DragonZord, Woods’ trombone summons an army of little people dressed like pancakes. I do like the Bludgeon Brothers’ logo with the arms holding hammers to make a B. Kofi wastes no time hitting Trouble in Paradise on Jimmy but Harper makes the save. The Brothers pulls Big E. to the floor for a beating and then powerbomb Woods into the post for good measure.

Back in and Kofi’s beating continues but Jimmy tags himself in and starts kicking away. Some superkicks do a little good but Harper shoves Jimmy into the corner. Jey tags himself in as well (must be a family thing) and starts kicking away, only to have Rowan break up the double Us.

Rating: D+. This feels like a victim of time but it’s not the worst thing in the world. They went out of their way to make the Brothers look like killers and that’s exactly what happened here. I could have gone for a little more time given to the match, but something has to be cut on a show this long and this was one of the most logical choices. The Brothers won though and that’s what matters the most.

Here’s John Cena for a match, though no opponent has been named yet. A second referee runs down though and tells Cena something is wrong. Cena grabs the referee as he’s shaking his head no. This goes on for a bit….and there go the lights….because Elias is here. Elias: “Were you expecting somebody else?”

Well that someone doesn’t have the charisma Elias has, nor does he have the talent that Elias carries in his soul. Cena bails back to his seat in disgust and leaves Elias alone to sing his song, insulting the fans as he always does. As you might guess, Cena gets up and cleans house by initiating his finishing sequence.

Undertaker vs. John Cena

Undertaker goes straight at him in the corner and hammers away, including the running clothesline. Old School sets up Snake Eyes and the WORST BIG BOOT EVER. When you’re sitting hundreds of feet away from the ring and can see the gap between the boot and the hands in front of Cena’s face, it’s a really bad sign. But remember, HE STILL HAS IT. The chokeslam is countered into a belly to back suplex but Undertaker sits up before the Shuffle, sending Cena falling off his feet in shock. The chokeslam and Tombstone end Cena completely clean at 2:42. Undertaker doesn’t even seem to be sweating.

So….that happened. I definitely like it better than seeing Undertaker stumble through a long match and it certainly should be memorable. Of course it’s not likely to mean anything until next Wrestlemania season, but this is the perfect payoff: Cena has been acting like a complete and utter jerk this whole time and Undertaker threw him the most decisive beating of his career. Even the Lesnar squash saw Cena get in a little offense and a near fall. Here it was a single suplex and that was it. I’m fine with Undertaker going out like this, but at this point I have no reason to believe it’s over.

Hall of Fame video. Hillbilly Jim should be done any minute now.

Here’s the big presentation to the crowd.

Jeff Jarrett. Nice reaction and the strut still looks good.

Mark Henry. No salmon jacket, no buys.

Hillbilly Jim. My hero as a young Kentucky boy.

Ivory. She’s looking better now than she did when she was active.

Jarius JJ Robertson. Did you know he’s cute? Wasn’t sure if that was made clear.

Dudley Boyz. Yep. Next.

Goldberg. I’m hoping those chants aren’t piped in. He does a Green Lantern pose with the ring to wrap things up.

We recap Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn. Owens and Zayn have been going after the two of them for months now and it wasn’t clear where things were going. Then Bryan was cleared to wrestle again and everything came together at once. The evil Canadians have been attacking both of them, including giving Shane a hernia. They’ve been fired, but Bryan wants one more match with their jobs on the line. The question here is whether or not Shane turns on Bryan, which could go either way.

Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

Shane is in a YES jersey, with the YES being pretty clearly taped on. That sounds like a way for a quick switch to YUP (Owens and Sami’s battle cry) for me. Bryan gets his own entrance, with a Terminator style video, showing the YES chant spreading around the world, even in mainstream sports, before locking in on the home of the YES Movement, which happens to be right here in the Superdome. You can see the emotion on Bryan’s face as he comes to the ring and it’s nearly moving to see.

Owens and Zayn’s music hit but they come in from behind for the big beatdown, including an apron bomb to Bryan. That might be enough for him as the medics come in to check. Even the fans don’t seem to buy this one, as they probably shouldn’t. Shane is willing to fight on his own and YES, we get the lame punches on Owens in the corner. The jumping elbow to the jaw puts Owens down but Shane has to beat up Zayn as well.

Now of course he can do that at the same time, including a jumping kick to Owens and a Maivia Hurricane to Sami. The old hernia pops up though and brings Shane down as we have a stretcher for Bryan. We settle down to Sami taking over on Shane before it’s off to Owens (thankfully in a KO Mania III shirt) to step on the stomach. Owens: “MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY! MONEY ISN’T GOING TO SAVE YOU NOW!”

A superkick sets up the Blue Thunder Bomb for two but Owens gets knocked to the floor. The Helluva Kick misses and Sami gets caught in the Tree of Woe. Of course Shane is fine enough to hit the Coast to Coast but Owens makes the save with a backsplash onto the bad stomach. The frog splash gets two but Bryan comes back in for the save. That’s not enough for a hot tag so Sami gets out of a chinlock by slamming Sami into the mat.

NOW it’s off to Bryan for the first time in nearly three years. He takes his time coming in (as he should) before hammering away on Zayn. There’s the moonsault into the running clothesline, followed by a running knee off the apron to Owens. A missile dropkick puts Bryan down but he grabs his head….and nips up because he’s fine. That was a scary but great moment. The running corner dropkicks rock Owens and Zayn and a top rope hurricanrana drops Sami. Kevin breaks up the knee though and the Helluva Kick is only good for two. My goodness finishers mean nothing on Wrestlemania night.

Owens tells him to stay retired and gets two more off the Pop Up Powerbomb. Since we haven’t seen him in long enough, Shane takes Owens down and we’re back to even again. Back in and Sami hammers away while asking how Bryan could do this to them. That’s enough for Bryan and he unloads with the strikes and YES Kicks, even hitting the big one. The running knee into the YES Lock is good for the submission at 15:25 to keep Owens and Zayn fired.

Rating: C+. This was of course ALL about Bryan, to the point where even Shane’s usual superhero efforts seem to pale in comparison. They didn’t go with the stupid swerve finish for the sake of the storyline because this needed to be Bryan’s night. To go from having no chance to wrestling in a huge Wrestlemania match is more than you could ever ask for and he doesn’t look like he’s lost a step. If he’s back full time, WWE just got one heck of a bonus. Not a great match, but the ending was what it should have been.

Bryan and Shane celebrate with Bryan going to the floor to kiss Brie in a nice moment.

Attendance announcement.

We recap Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax. Bliss had been her friend for a long time but was eventually caught making fun of Nia’s size and weight. This didn’t sit well with Jax and it was time to SMASH. And take the title. Bliss is suddenly ultra confident despite being a foot shorter and about 160lbs lighter.

Raw Women’s Title: Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss

Bliss is challenging and comes down from the set on a mini platform. So that’s what happened to Bad News Barrett’s stage. Hang on a second though as Nia needs to destroy Mickie James before the bell, meaning this is truly one on one. Bliss slaps Nia due to high levels of stupid and Jax’s growl gives us a horror movie level scream in response. Makes sense actually.

There’s a gorilla press to plant Bliss as the dominance isn’t taking time tonight. That’s not the beginning of the end for some reason as Bliss starts in on the knee to take over, including a double knee to the knee in the corner. A guillotine choke is shrugged off but Nia goes shoulder first into the post (WAY too common of a spot tonight). Twisted Bliss to the floor drops Nia and the DDT gets two, shocking/scaring the heck out of Bliss all over again.

For some reason Bliss calls Nia pathetic and slaps her a few times….until Nia grabs her by the throat. A charge into the corner is cut off by another kick to the knee but Bliss’ sunset flip is tossed into the corner. Bliss is right back with a poke to the eye but Nia is right back with one of the hardest Alabama Slams you’ll ever see. Since Bliss is mostly dead, it’s a super Samoan drop to put her away for good and make Nia champion at 9:01.

Rating: D+. I was firmly in the camp of this needing to be about a minute long with Bliss getting in nothing beyond a few harmless forearms and I’m still of that state of mind. Bliss didn’t look like a joke here but there’s a time to squash the heck out of someone and that’s what we had here. Jax is a monster and should have destroyed Bliss in short order. Bliss is going to be fine with one more of those cocky promos and it really would have been better to have her get crushed here. The ending did look great though and the right person won, but it’s the wrong path to get here.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match. AJ Styles is the ace of the show and has beaten everyone put in front of him. Shinsuke Nakamura won the Royal Rumble to earn this shot and we have a dream match. Both guys have promised to win and hopefully they don’t collapse under the expectations. The hype video goes throughout AJ’s career, including clips of him on Thunder and from TNA (!) because WWE can just do something like that.

Smackdown World Title: Shinsuke Nakamura vs. AJ Styles

Nakamura is challenging and gets played to the ring by an army of violinists plus Alice Cooper guitarist Nita Strauss playing the heck out of a guitar. That’s one of the better Wrestlemania entrances I’ve ever seen with Strauss’ playing stealing the show. AJ’s graphic lists him as the Universal Champion. If nothing else he gets a cool looking spinning ring of blue light around him once he gets inside for a cool visual.

Feeling out process to start as the announcers talk about the Japanese match without talking about the Japanese match. AJ drives him into the corner but gets shoved away as they’re still in low first gear. They hit the mat with Nakamura kicking him in the face before doing his head on the chest arm waving deal. A knee drop keeps AJ in trouble but he breaks up Good Vibrations to offer some mind games of his own.

Back to the corner we go with a hard forearm rocking Styles but he grabs a backbreaker for his first major offense. A knee drop gets two on Nakamura and it’s off to the chinlock. The drop down into a dropkick sends Nakamura outside but he kicks the leg out from the apron. A kick to the head really puts Styles in trouble and a middle rope kick to the face makes it even worse. Nakamura tells him to come on but kicks AJ down. Well dude if you want him to COME ON you have to give him the chance to pull it off.

The running knee in the corner rocks AJ but he’s right back with a pumphandle gutbuster for two. It’s Nakamura’s turn to come back in a hurry though and a Landslide (Samoan Driver) gets another near fall. Some right hands in the corner have AJ rocked but he kicks the knee out to take Nakamura down. There’s the Calf Crusher but Nakamura reverses into a triangle choke (another very popular move this weekend).

That’s broken up with something close to a Death Valley Driver and they’re both down again. Nakamura gets in the kick, only to come up holding the damaged leg. There’s some logic to Styles’ plan at least. The running knee hits the buckle and the Phenomenal Forearm gets two.

AJ needs to bring out the mega guns and tries the springboard 450, which hits the bad knee and gives Nakamura two off a small package. They slug it out until AJ Peles him down, only to get kneed in the back of the head. Nakamura has had it and drives knees into the head before slapping AJ a few times. The Kinshasa is loaded up but AJ rolls through, straight into the Styles Clash to retain at 20:20.

Rating: B. Yeah they didn’t really come close to the expectations here and I can’t say I’m surprised. They didn’t have much going on in the way of telling a story other than both guys hitting their big moves and countering a few of the other’s. There’s no reason to hate either of them and that makes for a dull match if you don’t build to a big finish. It’s certainly good but it never hit that next level that people were expecting. Oh and both Royal Rumble winners lose in their title shots. What a great use of the pay per view.

Post match Nakamura presents AJ with the title….and hits him low (with some Ric Flair level force) to turn heel. Nakamura mocks the fallen champion and kicks him to the floor for Kinshasa. For some reason he flashes a Diamond Cutter sign as he goes up the ramp. Maybe he’s a DDP Yoga user?

Now this was good, but why not do this BEFORE NAKAMURA LOST CLEAN? Do it at the worthless Fastlane or on any show before this match. Give them something more personal to fight over, because what we got for a story here was lacking a bit. I don’t get why WWE thinks this has as much of an impact after a loss, because it really doesn’t work. If nothing else have Nakamura hit him low to steal the title after Kinshasa didn’t get the job done. Just something other than this.

Kickoff Show recap.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Braun Strowman/???

Strowman won the shot by winning a tag team battle royal on his own and his partner has been quite the topic of debate coming into this show. The Bar comes out on a Mardi Gras float to the tune of When the Saints Go Marching In before switching to their usual entrance. I was worried I was a bit too tired and imagined all the costumed people on the float but not so much apparently.

Strowman comes out and turns the float over off the stage but has no partner. He knows everyone wants to know who it is, but he wanted to wait until he got to New Orleans. That’s because his partner….is a member of the WWE Universe. Strowman looks around forever and finally sees someone in the crowd. He goes into the crowd (this is taking WAY too long) and finds….a ten year old boy. The boy, named Nicholas, is introduced as Strowman’s partner as Graves is losing his mind.

Nicholas is terrified (completely understandable) as Braun starts (good idea) with Sheamus. Graves isn’t sure about this as Nicholas probably has algebra tomorrow. Fans: “WE WANT NICHOLAS!” A chokeslam gets two on Cesaro but Braun gets double suplexes. With Sheamus talking trash to Nicholas, he drops a top rope knee for two. On Braun, not the kid.

Braun crossbodies both of them down and Sheamus gets backdropped over the corner for a NASTY fall, hitting both the post and the steps on the way down. That’s enough for the tag to Nicholas….who tags straight out again. The powerslam on Cesaro is good for the pin and the titles at 3:57.

Rating: F. I laughed when it happened but the more I think about this, the worse and worse it looks. If you want to do this over a comedy team or something then fine, but after everything Cesaro and Sheamus have done over the last few years, this is the best they can get? Having Brains Strowman come out there would have been a better move as this comes off as a stupid idea where they just refused to pick something and went with the first stupid idea that came to their heads. Put Hawkins out there if this is the best thing you can come up with. I didn’t like this idea as it makes it into a total joke, which shouldn’t be the case.

Wrestlemania XXXV is in New York. Well New Jersey but whatever. I’m good on that one.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns. Lesnar won the Universal Title at last year’s show and Reigns won the Elimination Chamber after doing nothing main event level for months. Reigns went on to call Lesnar out for not being here all the time and just doing what’s best for himself, which earned Reigns a series of beatings. But hey, this time for sure, right?

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns is challenging and nope, the plan didn’t work. As you might expect, the fans boo him out of the building all over again because THIS ISN’T WORKING. After the Big Match Intros, Lesnar hits three German suplexes in the first thirty seconds. Reigns is right back up with two Superman Punches and a running clothesline to put Lesnar on the floor. Brock grabs a belly to belly on the outside, followed by a second one with Reigns almost landing on his head.

The fans chant for CM Punk as Brock loads up the announcers’ table. Another belly to belly sends Reigns face first into the table (no elevation at all) and Brock hits another German suplex back inside. A seventh suplex (with a fan providing helpful signs) is almost completely flat as we’re just waiting on the beach balls now.

There’s another belly to belly, during which time the fans started doing the Wave. A fan in my section started shouting about how the fans should just leave if they’re that bored because they’re ruining it for the rest of the fans. He was promptly given a DELETE chant because wrestling fans are rather horrible people at times. It’s time for another table as the fans want Johnny Gargano.

Reigns posts him on the floor as the fans aren’t reacting in the slightest. A spear sends Lesnar over the table (still no reaction) as the Wave is in full swing. The fans loudly boo….because a beach ball is taken away. Reigns gets two off a Superman Punch and two spears and it’s beach ball time again. Brock blocks a spear with a knee for two, followed by the F5 for the same. The fans still aren’t interested, because this just isn’t anything they care about.

F5, two, F5, two (Brock: “MOTHERF*****!”), the fans chant BORING (actually acknowledging the match for a change, F5 through a table (to NO reaction), F5, two. That’s enough for Lesnar as he takes the gloves off and just unloads with the hard right hands as the fans declare this awful. Reigns is GUSHING blood but hits two spears for a near fall. Not that it matters as a sixth F5 retains the title at 15:49, shocking the heck out of the crowd.

Rating: D. Here’s the thing: the match itself is a hard hitting video game match and had some entertaining spots. If you watch it in a complete vacuum, it’s actually good. The problem is, at least in this case, you can’t just ignore everything else and watch the match on its own. This was a complete and utter rejection of everything going on and you can’t ignore it. I’m not sure how much more needs to be done to make it clear that Reigns isn’t working but this might be it. Either that or we try to do this again NEXT year, just because that’s what WWE is obsessed with doing.

I have no idea where they go from here as Lesnar might not be around much longer and other than Reigns, there’s no one that could conceivably take the title from him. Reigns winning here was the logical call, but I can see why they pulled the plug. If it’s that bad though and the fans have rejected him this many times in a row, it’s time to admit defeat and move on. Hopefully that’s what the loss means, but stranger things have happened, just with Roman alone actually.

After a long highlight package, as in about seven minutes long, a cleaned up Reigns walks up the ramp to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. You know, there’s a pattern to these mega long shows. For the last three years, they’ve all started off white hot for about two hours but then they hit a road block and go sailing off a cliff. In Dallas it was the Cell, in Orlando it was the mixed tag and here it was pretty much everything after Rousey’s match (Bryan and Styles’ matches ranged from good to acceptable).

Maybe it’s having Reigns as the big finish or maybe it’s just the length of the shows, but they simply can’t maintain the momentum they set up at the start of these shows. It’s like they just run out of ideas and throw whatever nonsense they have on the screen, which may or may not work. I can get that with a small writing staff, but with THIRTY WRITERS put together into two groups, there’s never an excuse to run out of ideas this quickly.

Overall, the show is more good than bad, thanks to the first two matches, the mixed tag, Bryan and AJ, but they really needed to shed….oh a good two hours to get this down to manageable. Notice that I keep saying that year after year. Seven hours is just not something that anyone can pull off because eventually your buzz goes away. It’s happened to me three years in a row and I can’t imagine I’m in the minority. Just give us a break at some point because not everyone needs to be on the show. If you’re only good enough to be thrown into the battle royal, odds are you don’t belong on the card.

Really, the mixed tag main eventing would have made more sense (like you would EVER have to ask Stephanie if she wanted to main event Wrestlemania). If they were going to pull the plug on Reigns winning the title here, go with the feel good, fun match and let Rousey look like the big star. It would make more sense but Reigns seemed to be set in stone for that spot, pretty obvious reaction aside.

All in all, Wrestlemania XXXIV is a good show that needs a MAJOR edit to make it work. Switch the lineup around, shorten some matches, cut some matches (in other words, GET THE TIME LOWER) and you might have something great on your hands. As it is though, it falls into the same category as the other two mega long shows: a hot start, but they run out of gas because there’s a limit to how much wrestling any large group of fans can take.

Results

Seth Rollins b. The Miz and Finn Balor – Stomp to Miz

Charlotte b. Asuka – Figure Eight

Jinder Mahal b. Randy Orton, Bobby Roode and Rusev – Khallas to Rusev

Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle b. HHH/Stephanie McMahon – Armbar to McMahon

Bludgeon Brothers b. New Day and Usos – Double sitout superbomb to Kingston

Undertaker b. John Cena – Tombstone

Shane McMahon/Daniel Bryan b. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens – YES Lock to Zayn

Nia Jax b. Alexa Bliss – Super Samoan drop

AJ Styles b. Shinsuke Nakamura – Styles Clash

Braun Strowman/Nicholas b. The Bar – Powerslam to Cesaro

Brock Lesnar b. Roman Reigns – F5

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Cordova’s Commentary: Just Wait Until Next Year

This is a new series that will be airing every Friday. Eric Cordova is someone I’ve known for a long time and I’ve read and listened to his takes on wrestling for years. He’s got a very good mind for this stuff and he’s worth checking out. Every week he’ll be having a column here and I can highly recommend you check it out. He’ll be around in the comments so please let us know what you think as he’ll be there to respond.

Just Wait Until Next Year

By Eric Cordova

Before we get started, I’m going to suck up a bit. My friend KB has allowed me to share some thoughts weekly on his site, and for that, I am grateful. So, every Friday, be on the lookout for some commentary and I look forward to interacting with the rabid KB fans I hear so much about. With that out of the way, let’s talk wrestling, shall we?

After last year’s Wrestlemania, two stars shone brighter than the rest. In one main event, Brock Lesnar captured the Universal Championship, while in the other, Roman Reigns retired the Undertaker (except if a man in jorts calls him out of course). With those two results, obviously the paths would have to clash at some point, perhaps in New Orleans at next year’s Wrestlemania?

And therein lies the problem.

Wrestling is a living, breathing thing. As a live show, it evolves by the second, adapting and catering to the will of the fans in attendance and adjusting weekly to the audience at home. A great and many times, the WWE has fully understood this and delivered upon it.

Remember back in 2014 when The Bella Twins wrestled Paige and Emma for a grand total of 30 seconds? Twitter does, as #givedivasachance became so popular that the WWE has completely altered the presentation of its female performers.

This has happened many times, but it seems more common these days for the WWE writers to have a long-term plan and refuse to deviate from it under any circumstance.

Consider 2012. On Raw 1000, The Rock shows up and lays out a challenge to CM Punk for the WWE title. Of course, that challenge wouldn’t be for that night, but for when The Rock felt like coming back, The Royal Rumble. So, from that night in July on, we knew not to invest in any CM Punk feud because no matter what, we were getting Punk/Rock in January. This was especially unfortunate for a certain cornfed meathead.

I must ask though, would CM Punk vs The Rock have held your attention less if say, Ryback, the superstar I alluded to, won the title for a brief time in the fall? Speaking only for myself, it wouldn’t have made a difference in that match, but it would have made a major difference in the career of Ryback. Instead, we saw Ryback face loss after loss, effectively killing his main event run because of the fear of deviation.

This year, we saw Roman Reigns take on Brock Lesnar in the main event of Wrestlemania, not because he was the most over superstar, the most successful superstar, or the superstar who had the best year. We saw that match because the writers decided in April of 2017 that it was going to happen no matter what. Here’s why this line of thinking doesn’t work.

At least year’s Wrestlemania, Braun Strowman was in the pre-show Battle Royale and eliminated early by a group of competitors. No writer, or fan for that matter, could have foresaw his meteoric rise to the top of the company that perhaps should have culminated in a main event slot at Wrestlemania.

And how about Samoa Joe? From Authority lackey to being the most believable superstar matched up with Brock Lesnar, he too could have slotted in nicely to that main event slot if not for injury.

It seems that, outside of 2014, which I’m not totally convinced was an actual deviation from the plan, lately the modus operandi of the WWE writers is to decide a year in advance who the main event next year will be and stick to it like a t-shirt to skin on a hot summer day.

But why bring it up now? Wrestlemania is over and there’s no reason to be bitter about Reigns and Lesnar, especially when a true curveball was thrown our way with the Lesnar win. That’s true, but remember, it’s April of 2018, so if you’re a WWE writer, you’re already thinking about Wrestlemania NEXT YEAR.

Almost immediately after this year’s edition ended, rumors started flying about next year’s show of shows. At the top of the rumor list was next year’s potential main event. After a stellar first showing, it has already been rumored that Ronda Rousey would main event next year’s show. Most thought Ronda’s submissions and striking would be a perfect match for the technical and physical prowess from Asuka, and with both potentially undefeated, you get the ultimate in “something’s got to give”. But this is WWE, where writers decide what’s best, not the fans.

The hot rumor now is Rousey vs. Charlotte in the main event of Wrestlemania 35, because what would any female accomplishment be without Charlotte Flair?

Either way, the bigger issue at play here is that I fully believe that this match will in fact close Wrestlemania 35. Whether it deserves it or not, its fate may have already been decided. And while the women main-eventing a Wrestlemania would truly be history-making, that slot should be decided based on what makes sense come next year. Heck, maybe Bayley or Becky Lynch, or even Ember Moon becomes the hottest thing in WWE by that time. Perhaps Nia fully gets over. Or maybe something happens in the men’s division that takes the wrestling world by storm and postpones the first female main event for reasons of merit.

None of the aforementioned scenarios would be a negative, but what would be is sticking to the plan laid out 12 months prior regardless of how things play out. The rigidity of WWE’s long term booking has been a writing crutch for far too long. It’s about time they embrace a little indecision and maybe, just maybe, a little bit of listening to its fans.

Eric Cordova is the host of the Mouth of the South Shore Radio Show. The show airs live on Wednesday nights at 9pm at i95sportsnetwork.com and TuneInRadio (i95). Follow the show at the Mouth of the South Shore Radio Show page on Facebook and @motssradio on Twitter and Instagram.

Wrestlemania XXXIV Preview – Universal Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns

Blink and you should miss it.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar(c) vs. Roman Reigns

This should be five minutes long. Really that’s what I see when I look at this. With Lesnar leaving for the UFC all but guaranteed, it makes next to no sense to have him be competitive here. If you want Reigns to be THE GUY (THIS TIME FOR SURE!), the answer is to have him do what no one else could (well save for Goldberg in that still annoying run): beat Lesnar, but do it so fast that it’s all anyone remembers.

So yeah of course Reigns should win here. If nothing else he needs to as I can’t bear the idea of seeing him given this kind of a push for another year. Besides, once he wins the title, WWE can realize that he’s already beaten everyone around and there’s not much of a point in doing this whole thing in the first place. Lesnar isn’t going to care about working a short match so make Reigns look like the giant slayer in the short form rather than the long and do something interesting.