Wrestlemania XIX
Date: March 30, 2003
Location: Safeco Field, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 54,097
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Just like last year though, the Rock is in a match that is probably the real main event. After making even more movies, the Rock has gone Hollywood and become one of the most effective villains in a long time. With everything he’s accomplished though, there was one thing that had eluded him: defeating Steve Austin at Wrestlemania, which he would try one more time here. Let’s get to it.

Sunday Night Heat: Raw Tag Team Titles: Kane/Rob Van Dam vs. Lance Storm/Chief Morely

Morely (Val Venis as a lackey to Raw General Manager Eric Bischoff) and Storm are defending. Storm’s original partner was William Regal but he had a heart condition and Morely named himself the new champion. The Dudley Boyz are in the champs’ corner because they’re stuck helping them to save their jobs. Van Dam and Kane are kind of an oddball team but they work well together. Storm goes after Kane to start and is quickly sent out to the floor with Morely following him. Van Dam loads up the dive but Kane does it instead and takes out Storm and Morely at the same time.

We take a break (remember this is on TV still) and come back with Morely chopping away at Van Dam as JR’s audio levels are all over the place. We hit the sleeper on Van Dam but he reverses into one of his own. That works as well as a sleeper is going to work for a good guy so Rob kicks Storm in the face and makes the tag off to Kane for some house cleaning. Kane’s top rope clothesline gets two on Storm and everything breaks down. The chokeslam plants Storm but Morely breaks up the Five Star. In the melee, the Dudleys 3D Storm….and then Bubba elbows Van Dam to give Storm the pin at 10:00.

Rating: C-. Now this one is confusing. Not the result of the match as the Dudleys were doing what they had to do, but the way the titles would change. Van Dam and Kane would win them the next night, which begs the question of why you wouldn’t do the change here for a feel good moment. Storm and Morely weren’t interesting champions so why would you keep the belts on them here?

Ashanti sings America the Beautiful.

The opening video is similar to last year with big names talking about how big Wrestlemania is to them and every other wrestler in the world. This video is really similar to last year’s because a lot of the audio clips are the same, including one from Undertaker calling Wrestlemania a fever and one from Hogan talking about slamming Andre. You really can’t get something new recorded?

JR and Lawler are at a table away from ringside as they were every week on Raw.

The aisle is crooked again this year.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy

Matt is defending with a completely new character called Version 1. He’s basically a self obsessed motivational speaker who believed in a philosophy called Mattitude, complete with Matt Facts (such as “Matt is appearing at his 4^th Wrestlemania” and “Matt often wonders how they did Wrestlemania without him.”) during his entrance and a Mattitude Follower (MF’er) named Shannon Moore. Mysterio begins his Wrestlemania tradition of wearing a superhero costume as he’s dressed like Daredevil.

Moore tries to distract Rey to start but Mysterio throws both of them to the floor and hits a big corkscrew dive. Back in and the Ricochet (a lifting side slam) gets two for the champ and Shannon gets in some more (Moore?) choking but Matt crotches himself on the ropes. The Side Effect gets two more though and we hit a double arm crank. The idea here is that Matt is barely beneath the Cruiserweight limit so he’s a good bit bigger and stronger than most wrestlers in the division.

Matt misses a charge into the post as Cole is trying to figure out what tea bagging means. A quick headscissors looks to set up the 619 but Moore makes the save, setting up Matt’s Twist of Fate for two. Rey goes to the ropes but gets caught in a bottom rope Splash Mountain (Razor’s Edge into a powerbomb), only to reverse it with a hurricanrana for two. Now the 619 connects but Matt ducks the West Coast Pop. Rey tries a victory roll instead but Matt falls on top and grabs the rope to retain at 5:43.

Rating: C+. This was a simple idea and the match worked quite well. The Moore stuff makes good sense as it’s almost impossible to believe that Matt was going to be able to beat Rey in a cruiserweight match on his own. Matt cheating every way he could and then bragging about being the best cruiserweight of all time was classic heel mentality. I wouldn’t have minded this getting more time but it’s fine the way it is.

The Miller Lite catfight girls are here. These are your celebrities for the show as they were good looking women who would argue over various things and then fight over them.

We recap Undertaker’s partner Nathan Jones being laid out by Big Show and A-Train (Albert) on Heat. This potentially makes the match a handicap match instead of the announced tag, which was rumored to be due to Jones being so horrible that he couldn’t be trusted to have a match on live TV yet.

Undertaker vs. A-Train/Big Show

Limp Bizkit plays Undertaker to the ring. A-Train and Big Show had been loosely associated since the beginning of the year so this made sense for a major show. Big Show tries to sneak up on Undertaker as A-Train is adjusting Undertaker’s mirror. You just don’t do that to a biker. As you might expect, a 500lb 7’2 monster isn’t very stealthy and Undertaker sends him to the floor before chokeslamming A-Train for two.

Things settle down and Undertaker leapfrogs (!) A-Train before scoring with Old School. The Derailer (chokebomb) plants Undertaker and it’s Big Show driving Undertaker back first into the post. The fans tell the very hairy A-Train to shave his back as Undertaker slugs away at both of them. A Fujiwara armbar has Show in trouble but A-Train makes the save, only to get caught in a cross armbreaker. This is an important shift in Undertaker as he was starting to become more of an MMA/power wrestler hybrid instead of using the big power style he had done for years. He would use the new style for the rest of his career.

Show hooks an abdominal stretch with A-Train pulling for additional help. A-Train puts on one of his own until Undertaker suplexes his way out. It’s time for right hands from Undertaker and A-Train is in way over his large head. A running DDT drops Show and it’s off to Show who gets pummeled as well. All three are in now and a bicycle kick drops Undertaker, setting up the chokeslam from Big Show. That should be enough but Show charges down the aisle to meet Nathan Jones who spin kicks him in the face. Back in and Jones boots A-Train in the face, setting up the Tombstone for the pin at 8:45.

Rating: C. Another not bad match here with Jones doing the only thing he should have been doing. The guy was big and had a great look but at the end of the day you have to be able to do more than stare at someone and throw an awesome spin kick. Undertaker works well against monsters like Show and A-Train as can move better than both of them and the offense is fast enough to work.

Undertaker waves the American flag.

The catfight girls talk to Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson who are casually flipping through Torrie’s Playboy. They praise each other a bit and Stacy has a new marketing idea (she’s currently Test’s publicist and has named his fans Testicles). Production guy: “Great job guys! Let’s move on from there!”

We look back at the tag match on Heat.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria vs. Jazz

Victoria (a borderline psycho later known as Tara in TNA) is defending here and has what I guess you would call her boyfriend Steven Richards with her. Jazz goes after Trish to start and puts on something like Austin Aries’ Last Chancery. Victoria’s save earns her a kick in the face and Trish comes back with forearms to Jazz’s face. Lawler wants the match to turn into a love triangle.

Victoria gets two off a slingshot legdrop and Jazz does the same. Well minus the slingshot that is. The villains start double teaming Trish with a double shoulder breaker. That ends their partnership so it’s Trish back in with a rollup for two on Trish, who Lawler calls a quarter among pennies. JR: “….what does that mean?” Jazz kicks Victoria in the face by mistake and Trish does the same to Jazz for two.

That’s enough for Jazz as she sends Victoria to the floor and puts Trish in an STF. Richards makes a quick save to protect the title so Trish grabs a rollup on Victoria, pulling her tights partially down in the process. Lawler’s thrills continue as Jazz gives Trish a double chicken wing, only to get sent outside. It’s Richards coming in again but he chairs himself and gets bulldogged, allowing Trish to kick Victoria in the chest for the pin and the title at 7:17.

Rating: C+. Good stuff here again with all three working hard and not being stuck in a death slot. Trish has proven that she can hang with anyone in the division and may be better than anyone has seen in a long time. This worked better than last year’s match as two heels often work better than two heroes and that’s exactly what happened here. You could really see how much Trish has grown as a worker in this one.

Rock doesn’t want to hear from the people because they booed Rock last year at Wrestlemania. After everything he’s done, this is the last chance he’ll have to beat Steve Austin one time at Wrestlemania. Not being able to beat Austin is consuming him but since he’s been in Hollywood, he’s learned that people only remember act three. Tonight he’s beating Austin so he can say he’s done it all.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Chris Benoit/Rhyno vs. Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle

Team Angle (Kurt’s very talented enforcers/lackeys Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas) are defending and this is one fall to a finish. The Smackdown Tag Team Titles were a major highlight in late 2002 and this has potential to be good. Everyone goes at it to start until it’s Chavo and Haas to get things going with Chavo scoring with a suplex and dropkick.

Eddie comes in with a slingshot hilo and you can really see how much he’s matured in recent years. It’s off to Rhyno to face Eddie with the power guy throwing Eddie in to the corner for a tag off to Shelton. Tazz is talking about dissecting lizards for no apparent reason until Benoit German suplexes Haas for two. It’s back to Eddie who gets caught in Benoit and Rhyno’s corner for a double teaming.

Chris superplexes him down for two but Eddie comes back with some suplexes into a brainbuster. Control keeps changing here but there isn’t much of a story going on. Chavo gets the tag but Benoit rolls some German suplexes. Everything breaks down and Shelton superkicks Benoit before dropping a leg for two. Eddie makes the save with a frog splash and Rhyno Gores Haas. A second Gore hits Chavo but Shelton grabs the pin to retain at 8:46.

Rating: C+. Another fun match but for a different reason. As was the case on Smackdown at this point, this was all about the action and a fast pace which worked very well, especially given the wrestlers the roster had. This was a nice change from the earlier matches and entertained throughout.

The catfight girls get in a fight about whether Mr. McMahon or Hulk “Holgan” made Wrestlemania what it is. Their solution: settle it in bed. You can imagine Lawler’s response.

We have about two hours and forty five minutes to go and five matches left on the card. More on this later but it’s going to be a stacked rest of the show.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho. Michaels made an amazing return to the ring in late 2002 and is starting to come back full time. Jericho was happy at first because he had always wanted to be the next Shawn Michaels but realized it would be better to be the first Chris Jericho. What better way to do that than to beat Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania? Shawn didn’t accept the challenge at first but one week Jericho was going through the curtain and got knocked backwards by a superkick. Shawn came out and knelt over him, saying he would see Jericho at Wrestlemania.

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

Shawn has some confetti cannons to launch but some of them won’t go off. Feeling out process to start as Shawn’s headscissors doesn’t get him anywhere. Instead Shawn lays on the top rope because Jericho is boring him. Jericho tries to take him down but Shawn kicks him away and it’s another stalemate. With nothing else working it’s time to start punching with Shawn knocking Jericho out to the floor.

Back in and Jericho starts throwing more right hands but his bulldog is broken up, allowing Shawn to put on a Figure Four. It’s way too early for that though so Chris sends him shoulder first into the post. Back up and Shawn has to skin the cat, allowing him to headscissor Jericho back to the floor. A plancha takes Jericho down but he puts on the Walls in the aisle.

They’re already trading bigger shots and the match is at a nice pace to start. Shawn’s bad back is sent into the post as Lawler explains the idea of a young lion challenging the elder of the pack. We hit the chinlock with a knee in the back for a bit before Jericho hits Shawn with his own forearm into the nipup. As Chris poses, Shawn nips up as well and hits his own forearm. A pinfall reversal sequence gets some quick two counts and Jericho gets a longer near fall off the Lionsault.

With nothing else working, Jericho puts on the Walls of Jericho but Shawn is quickly in the ropes. Jericho keeps up the psychology with a backbreaker and keeps up the story of the match with his own Sweet Chin Music for a very close two. With almost nothing else working, Jericho loads up a belly to back superplex but gets countered into a cross body for two of his own.

The top rope elbow means it’s time for the real comeback but the Chin Music is reversed into the Walls. The ropes are reached again but Jericho charges straight into the superkick. Jericho kicks out AGAIN and the fans gasp. Back up and Shawn counters a belly to back into a victory roll for the surprise pin at 22:34.

Rating: A. This is the match where it was clear that Shawn was back and back for good. It felt like 1995 again and Shawn was one of the best in the world, able to hang with anyone they put him out there again. Jericho looked like a star as well and there’s a case that he should have won. Shawn needed a win to reestablish himself in matches like this but Jericho needed it just as much. Still though, it’s an absolute classic.

They shake hands post match but Jericho kicks him low like a real villain.

Crooked referee Sylvan Grenier (who screwed Hogan out of his rematch with Rock the previous month) goes in to see Vince.

The new attendance record is announced.

Limp Bizkit performs the show’s theme song: Crack Addict. As you might guess, this name was never mentioned on WWE TV leading up to the show. This is such a waste of time and there’s little other way to describe it.

Wrestlemania XX is in New York.

Cole and Tazz remember that they’re here and talk about Wrestlemania XX a bit. Limp Bizkit gets a thank you as well.

The catfight girls come out for their fight in bed (on the stage, meaning a good chunk of the stadium can barely see them. Stacy and Torrie come out to join them, they fight, clothing is removed, and Coach gets pantsed and pinned. Did I mention it’s been twelve minutes since the last match ended?

We recap Booker T. vs. HHH for the Raw World Title, which is the feud that was about racism but they didn’t actually say it was about racism. Booker won a battle royal for a shot at the title but then HHH started saying that “someone like Booker” didn’t get to win the World Title. The idea would eventually be presented as someone who grew up poor and had been in prison but make no mistake about it: it sounded like racism.

Raw World Title: Booker T. vs. HHH

HHH is defending and has Ric Flair with him as part of Evolution. He also has his special purple trunks instead of the normal black. Booker gets the better of it to start and armdrags HHH off the middle rope. JR rips on the Fink for being drunk last night as Booker is backdropped to the apron and send into the post. A neckbreaker and spinebuster get two each for the champ and he cuts off Booker’s comeback with a DDT.

Lawler stays on Booker being an ex-con and JR almost does some very bad swearing. We hit the sleeper, which HHH tried as hard as he could to get over as a finisher. Booker will have none of that so it’s a jumping knee to the face instead. For some reason HHH goes to the middle rope for an ax handle but Booker nails him square in the jaw with a jumping side kick.

The scissors kick only hits the ropes though and Flair drops him knee first onto the steps to take over. Off to an old (as in very old, like Harley Race old) school Indian Deathlock from the champ to keep the crowd from being interested. This is one of the many problems from HHH at this point: he kept trying to be Harley Race without realizing that the fans got more bored than angry at him. That worked for Race, not HHH trying to be Race. It didn’t help that he held the title forever and the fans were waiting on the same endings he always used to hold onto it. That’s a very dangerous formula and it went on far too long.

The hold is finally broken up and Booker rolls through a knee crusher into a sunset flip for two. The referee gets almost gets crushed but thankfully stays up to see Booker score with the scissors kick. Booker goes up top and shoves Flair down so he can hit the Houston Hangover (top rope flip legdrop), only to bang up his knee even worse. That means it’s Pedigree time and twenty five seconds later, HHH puts a single hand over Booker to retain at 18:45. Booker’s eyes were open when he pushed himself over so HHH could cover him.

Rating: D+. The match is your standard HHH formula for the time: slow, dull, and the completely wrong ending. This should have been HHH dropping the title to Booker to break up his nine month long reign before he had to lose it to Goldberg later. Instead of losing it here and winning it back in a month, HHH wins again to put Booker WAY in the back of the line as a big choker. Such is life in 2003 though and the fans were absolutely sick of it. It would take another year before this would really change, and even then it didn’t quite work.

We recap Hogan vs. McMahon. This is another feud that really didn’t need to happen but we got it anyway because that’s what they decided was going to happen. It turned into a feud about who made Wrestlemania and/or Hulkamania and then the steroids trial of the early 90s where Hogan testified against Vince. This could go anywhere between a disaster and hilarious fun but it should be easy to figure out which is more likely.

Vince McMahon vs. Hulk Hogan

Hulk’s career is on the line and it’s a street fight. For reasons that still aren’t clear to me to this day, Hogan comes out to Voodoo Child instead of Real American. Vince slaps him in the face so Hogan spears him down to start, meaning they’re in for a real brawl here. Hogan throws his bandana at him and stomps away in the corner to Vince hits him low. We’re treated to some lame attempts at wrestling with Vince working on the arm. Well it’s better than Jay Leno in 1998.

Ever the cocky one, Vince tries a test of strength but he’s actually smart enough to kick Hogan in the ribs to take over. The hold stays on to eat up a long stretch until Vince finally throws him out to the floor. We get to the street fight part as Vince grabs a chair but he hits the post by mistake. Instead Hulk blasts Vince in the head and we’ve got a very busted open boss. It’s time for a fresh chair to go over Vince’s back but Hogan knocks out Spanish commentator Hugo Savinovich by mistake (I never liked him anyway).

Vince comes back with a chair shot of his own….and here’s a ladder. Oh geez this is going to be bad. Hulk takes a monitor to the head and Vince loads up the announcers’ table. The boss climbs up and does the Hogan hand to the ear, followed by a huge legdrop (close enough at least) to put Hogan through the table. That really doesn’t get as big of a reaction as you would expect. We FINALLY get some help for Hugo as Vince throws Hulk inside for two.

Vince heads to the floor and grabs a steel pipe from the floor. He very slowly leers over the apron with a look on his face that is a perfect mix of evil and hilariously stupid. Only Vince could pull that off. Hogan hits him low to survive……and hokey smoke Roddy Piper is here. Looking like he’s eaten Scotland, Piper picks up the pipe, spits on both guys and hits Hogan.

Piper leaves as Vince gets a slow two. Vince goes for the pipe but the referee takes it away, earning him a trip to the floor. Cue Sylvan Grenier to take over as referee as Vince hits Hogan with the pipe again. There’s a legdrop to Hogan and it’s Hulk Up time. Grenier takes a beating of his own and the usual (with three legdrops) puts Vince away at an insane 20:49.

Rating: D+. Heaven help me but I liked this. You have to know what you’re getting here but at least they did enough entertaining stuff. Vince is always good for a garbage street fight when you need one and Hogan is Hogan. It’s definitely not high quality or anything but it’s a fun guilty pleasure as long as you remember that it’s terrible and just have fun with it.

Shane McMahon comes out to check on his dad. Ever the evil loser, Vince flips Hogan off.

We recap Austin vs. Rock. Last June, Austin walked out on the company but came back for one last quick run (he had three matches, two of which were against Eric Bischoff) and one last showdown with Rock at Wrestlemania. This gets the music video treatment, again with Crack Addict. You can see that a lot of the fire is out of Austin at this point and it’s kind of sad to see.

Austin was actually in the hospital the night before this due to his body breaking down from stress and WAY too many energy drinks, meaning he almost couldn’t wrestle this match. He really shouldn’t be out there but he refused to cancel the match. This might have even gone on last otherwise, which would have made a lot more sense.

The Rock vs. Steve Austin

We get the ultra cool Hollywood Rock entrance of a helicopter flying through Los Angeles until Rock’s voice finally says “is cookin.” To go from the superhero that he was to the best version of this persona ever is a showcase of how great Rock really was. Austin looks WAY off here so this is pretty much all up to Rock. Rock loses a slugout and the threat of a Stunner sends him to the floor.

Austin follows him out and hammers away before just ripping at Rock’s face back inside. The brawling continues as they go back to the floor with Rock going after Austin’s heavily braced knees. Lawler: “That brace is made of metal!” JR: “Well what would you make a knee brace out of?” The bad leg (well one of them anyway) goes around the post and Rock kicks Austin in the leg to stop a comeback. Rock puts on the Sharpshooter until Austin makes the ropes, so why not put on Austin’s vest.

That’s too much for Austin so he comes back, only to have a double clothesline put both guys down. The real comeback includes the Thesz press and middle finger elbow. Rock scores with a running clothesline into a nipup of his own, only to walk into a Rock Bottom from Austin. As you might expect, Rock comes right back with a Stunner) and still manages to talk trash as he tries to get up.

Now it’s Rock hammering away but Austin grabs a Stunner out of nowhere for two. You knew it was going to take more than one. The referee takes an elbow to the face, allowing Rock to get in a low blow. He finally takes off Austin’s vest and drops the People’s Elbow for two. A Rock Bottom plants Austin for two and the fans are shocked. The second Rock Bottom gets the same and Rock’s frustration sets back in. A third Rock Bottom finally puts Austin away at 17:56.

Rating: B+. Much like five years ago with Michaels, you have to consider Austin’s condition when you think about this match. Austin was barely able to walk out there and he had one heck of a match. That being said, this was ALL Rock as he had to carry the match, meaning it’s not quite as good as their previous stuff. It’s still really entertaining though and a great way to end maybe the best main event rivalry of all time.

Rock stays next to Austin for a minute and says “I love you and thank you for everything.” Austin has to walk to the back with Earl Hebner but stops to toast the fans one more time. This was Austin’s retirement match and that’s the best idea all around. You could see that it was slipping from him (again, mainly due to the neck) so it was good that he went out while he could still have a great one.

We recap Angle vs. Lesnar. Brock had lost the title due to Paul Heyman turning on him late last year and Angle took the title from new champion Big Show. Lesnar won the Royal Rumble to get another shot, but Angle is in horrible shape coming into this due to his neck flaring up as well. This is being set up as a major showdown between the most real wrestlers in the company and the intensity is all there.

There was a very real chance that they were going to have to swap someone else in (possibly Chris Benoit) if Kurt couldn’t go but he somehow got cleared to wrestle here before taking some time off. There was even another title match scheduled on Smackdown to change the title but Angle held the belt by changing places with his brother Eric.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Angle is defending but he loses the title if anyone interferes. Kurt has that awesome red jacket with the hood on the way to the ring. You can hear Cole’s voice almost out from shouting so much. Brock, with some lightly taped up ribs, comes out second and as Tazz puts it: “Well, here comes the pain.” They get technical to start with Angle getting the better of it, complete with an uppercut to the jaw. Brock finally brings in the strength with a powerslam but Kurt snaps off a German to stay on the ribs.

Lesnar pops right back up with a gorilla press (Tazz: “The vanilla gorilla!”), only to have Angle German suplex him into the corner. Off to something like an STF on Brock and Tazz is actually on fire with the analysis and throwing out move names. Brock finally turns it over into a rear naked choke before just pulling back on the throat. The hold is finally broken so Kurt throws him with a belly to belly. That’s fine with Brock who plants the champion with a spinebuster, only to hurt the ribs again in the process.

It’s Brock’s turn for a high angle belly to belly and a second is good for two. Kurt comes back with some more Germans but neither guy can hit their finisher. Instead Kurt trips Brock to the mat and puts on the ankle lock, which is one of my biggest annoyances. He’s worked on the ribs all match but goes for a completely different body part because that’s his hold. Thankfully he switches it over to a half crab to stay on the ribs. It isn’t likely to get a submission but it can soften Brock up for something else that could beat him.

Back up and Brock sends him the floor before firing off some shoulders into the spine. That earns him a release German suplex for two and an Angle Slam for the same. The F5 gets two more but Kurt grabs the ankle lock, complete with the grapevine. Brock crawls over to the ropes, becoming the first man to survive the grapevine version. Another Angle Slam is countered into another F5 but Brock doesn’t cover.

Instead he looks to the top rope and smiles. Brock goes up top and tries a shooting star press but leaves it WAY short (To be fair, Angle was over halfway across the ring. No one could pull it off from that far away, though Brock has hit the move before so it wasn’t as crazy as it sounds) and lands square on his head in an absolutely terrifying spot. Brock looks like he’s on another planet (probably because he is) but still hits a third F5 for the pin and the title at 21:08.

Rating: B+. This is a good match but as is so often the case with either guy, the suplexes get repetitive. The ending really hurts it too but the match is a classic if the shooting star connects. It would have blown the fans away but instead it was a scary landing, which really can’t be blamed on Brock as Angle was too far away (not his fault either). Really good match but it’s a step beneath some others.

The look on Brock’s face is really scary as he’s clearly gone. They shake hands and the highlight package ends the show.

Overall Rating: A-. If you tweak a few things here, this is in the running for the greatest show of all time. However, stuff like the musical performances and the Miller Lite girls really hold things back. Hogan vs. Vince isn’t as good as the Shane vs. Vince match from two years ago but it’s fun in a different way.

The show is still great though and could have been better if they had swapped the card a bit. The five major matches in a row needed to be broken up a little bit, maybe with the Undertaker match moved in between Vince vs. Hogan and Rock vs. Austin, which probably should have gone last. All of the problems (which are minor) aside though, this is still a great show and one of the best Wrestlemanias of all time.

Ratings Comparison

Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. A-Train/Big Show

Original: D

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C

Trish Stratus vs. Victoria vs. Jazz

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C+

Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle vs. Chris Benoit/Rhyno

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C+

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A-

2013 Redo: A-

2015 Redo: A

HHH vs. Booker T

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: D+

Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon

Original: B

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

The Rock vs. Steve Austin

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B+

2015 Redo: B+

Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: A-

2013 Redo: B+

2015 Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B

2013 Redo: A-

2015 Redo: A-

Everything seems about the same here, though that women’s match keeps growing on me.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/26/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-19-overrated/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/28/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xix/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 26, 2018
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman

We’ve got two shows to go before New Orleans and WWE is still dragging its feet to get to John Cena vs. the Undertaker. Tonight we have Cena vs. Kane though, which is likely the next step on the way to the big showdown. Other than that, we might get a few more names added to the battle royals. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

Here are Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman to open things up. Heyman recaps the attack on Roman Reigns last week and of course we see some clips. As it turns out, Reigns’ suspension is lifted but he’s not here tonight. Heyman goes over the Samoan wrestling family raising Roman to be a star and a champion. What they didn’t raise him to be is a man.

Reigns was the one saying he was here every single week no matter what but he’s not here tonight. Maybe Reigns should have found three MMA students, dressed them up like US Marshals and beaten the heck out of them before starting a fight with Lesnar. Reigns isn’t man enough to do that though, nor is he man enough to show up here and take another beating from Brock.

Heyman loads up the end but Reigns is in the crowd. He comes out swinging with a chair and gets in a few shots but Brock runs him over. A HARD shot to the face with the steps puts Reigns down and Brock lays him out with the chair. Brock goes to leave but comes back with an F5 onto the steps. Reigns is left laying, again. The story they’re telling here is good, but Reigns not even missing a single show isn’t helping. That and the fans don’t want to cheer for Reigns and there isn’t much of a way around that problem.

Nia Jax vs. Mickie James

Nia knocks her to the floor in short order and we take a break. Back with Jax stomping away in the corner and Mickie bailing to the floor. Alexa Bliss offers a distraction and a chop block takes Nia down. Back in and a hard slam looks to set up the legdrop but Nia only hits mat. A running kick to the face drops Nia again and a missed charge makes things even worse. Mickie kicks the knee out and goes up top, earning herself a gorilla press into a Samoan drop for the pin at 7:05.

Rating: D+. The knee stuff was fine but this was what it should have been: Nia winning in a match that was just a step above a squash. She needs to destroy Bliss even faster at Wrestlemania but I have a feeling that they’ll have the match go longer in an attempt for something “epic”. That’s not what the story calls for, but we got what it calls for here.

Post match Alexa gets in a cheap shot but the glare in response sends her running.

We get a package on Ronda Rousey’s WWE career with HHH and Stephanie McMahon adding in sitdown comments. HHH says this could have been a perfect employee but Rousey and Angle had to run their mouths. We see them training and hear from the Performance Center coach who talks about how hard they train all the time. Stephanie is ready for anything and HHH never stops training.

See, Rousey is coming into a ring that Stephanie owns because she’s wrestled before. At Wrestlemania, Rousey will be humbled like everyone else that has come at the Authority. Good stuff here, but if they even think about having Stephanie be competitive against Rousey on an even remotely even playing field, they’re dumber than I thought.

Cedric Alexander/Mustafa Ali vs. TJP/Drew Gulak

Joined in progress with Ali in trouble and 205 Live General Manager Drake Maverick on commentary. Gulak gets two off a neckbreaker but Ali fights out of the chinlock and makes the hot tag to Alexander. Everything breaks down in short order and Ali hits a huge flip dive onto Gulak. Back in and Cedric hits the Neuralizer with Ali making a blind tag. The Lumbar Check sets up the 054 for the pin on TJP at 4:02. Cedric isn’t happy with the blind tag.

Rating: C. Tension between these two is a good idea and it’s a smart move to put them on the show before their title match at Wrestlemania. The build between these two has been great stuff so far and that’s all you can ask for in something like this. The title match should be a lot of fun so having some more build like this would be a good thing.

It’s time for MizTV and the fans give Miz a WELCOME HOME chant. Miz: “I live in LA.” Miz wants to talk about some personal issues and that means the Miztourage. They seem to

think things have been going well for them but Miz isn’t so pleased. For two weeks in a row they’ve let him down and that’s not acceptable. If Miz wanted failure, he never would have left Cleveland. Dallas says they’re doing everything they can but Miz tells him to Bo-Lieve himself back to catering.

Cue Seth Rollins to say that for the first time on MizTV, this is great stuff. Seth offers to mediate and asks when was the last time Miz thanked Dallas and Axel. Miz goes on a rant about himself and Bo calls him a phony A-lister who can’t fight. For some reason Miz couldn’t hear that so here’s Finn Balor to interrupt. He heard what Bo said: Miz was the biggest jerk that he’s ever met. Dallas repeats what he actually said and then realizes that he might have screwed up a little.

Miz wants to hear him say that again and the fight is almost on. That calms Miz down as he says this should be all about him retaining the title for 34 more days. If Miz reaches that milestone, he’ll be the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time. He’ll be better than Randy Savage, Shawn Michaels and Mr. Perfect. That’s a step too far for Axel (big Shawn fan), who stands next to Dallas. Again, reality sets in so Miz cancels the show to the fans’ delight.

The Miztourage won’t let him leave though as Rollins and Balor are very pleased. The four of them surround Miz and of course it’s a ruse with the Miztourage jumping Balor and Rollins. Cue Anderson and Gallows for the save, leaving Miz alone with Balor. A belt shot misses and Balor hits a Sling Blade but Rollins can’t hit the curb stomp. Balor and Rollins get in a fight over the title as Miz tries a sneak attack. That goes badly for him as well, allowing Balor to take Rollins down. Good segment here, and thank goodness they didn’t make it a five way.

Kane is ready to destroy Cena tonight because Cena isn’t going to Wrestlemania.

Asuka vs. Jamie Frost

Jamie says Asuka doesn’t know her so she’s not ready. Kick to the face ends Frost at 32 seconds.

We hear about Cole apologizing in advance for the Ultimate Deletion. Matt Hardy has since referred to him as an obsolete mule.

Stills of the Ultimate Deletion.

Matt talks about Bray Wyatt’s tyrannical reign being replaced by Senor Benjamin’s spring daisies. Now Matt needs to set his sights on Wrestlemania by honoring the legacy of “amazing world wonder number eight” by entering the battle royal. Everyone else will be DELETED.

Cole: “That was OBNOXIOUS!”

Sasha Banks and Bayley are in the back with Bayley saying she’s in the battle royal. Banks wants to talk about last week so Bayley rants about how Banks thinks she’s the best thing in the world. That’s true, and Banks isn’t making any apologies for it. Maybe Bayley should do the same so everyone doesn’t think she’s a loser. Bayley thinks Sasha is doing it because everyone knows she can’t beat her.

Sasha is a four time Women’s Champion but Bayley asks how long she kept it. Those are fighting words and it’s on with Sasha getting the better of it until referees break things up. More horrible acting, as you can tell they were just reading a script. How hard can it be to say “you’re mad at each other because Sasha can’t beat Bayley, go bicker with each other for a minute”? If they don’t have any more faith in them than that, don’t give them live microphones.

Braun Strowman comes out for a match but here’s the Bar to demand to know Strowman’s partner. Strowman will tell them if Sheamus can beat him. Maybe they’ll get an answer, but they’re going to GET THESE HANDS.

Braun Strowman vs. Sheamus

Strowman gets low bridged to start and might have tweaked his knee. The ten forearms to the chest are broken up and a single forearm puts Sheamus on the floor as well. Sheamus gets sent outside again and we take a break. Back with Sheamus kicking at the knee for a bit until Braun fights up and tosses him to the floor. Sheamus makes the mistake of standing there, allowing Braun to run him over with the big shoulder. Back in and Braun goes shoulder first into the post. It doesn’t seem to matter as the powerslam ends Sheamus at 7:53.

Rating: D+. Man I could go for a Sheamus vs. Braun hoss fight with the roles reversed. If there’s one thing Sheamus can do, it’s hit people really hard in a good brawl. I’m down with not knowing the partner before Wrestlemania, as the anticipation could make it a lot of fun. Not much here, and hopefully the knee injury isn’t anything.

Here’s Kurt Angle to bring out Ronda Rousey. Angle talks about Stephanie and HHH being ready for anything so Wrestlemania is going to be a lot of fun. Rousey was watching that video earlier and Stephanie is tough, but she’s trust fun tough. She’s limousine riding tough. At Wrestlemania, she’s get what’s coming to her when Ronda takes her arm out of its socket.

Cue Absolution with Paige saying this is their world. It’s nice that Rousey is going into her first match but she needs backup. Rousey could be the fourth member of Absolution! That’s a no from Ronda so Paige sends the other two after her. Deville goes down with one shot and Rousey suplexes Mandy into Sonya’s legs. Rousey grabs Mandy’s arm and cranks a bit but Angle calms her down. That’s very Ken Shamrock of her. This was another rough segment from Rousey, but once she goes beast mode, she’s exactly what WWE wants her to be. The talking though….needs some work.

We recap the opening sequence.

Anderson and Gallows vs. Miztourage

Joined in progress with Anderson hitting the Rocket Kick (HI-YAH) in the corner on Axel but a Dallas distraction lets Curtis shove him to the floor. A chinlock keeps things down until Anderson fights up with a spinebuster. The hot tag brings in Gallows for a kick to Axel’s head and a big splash keeps him in trouble. The Boot of Doom only gets two with Dallas making the save. Not that it matters as the Magic Killer finishes Axel at 4:36.

Rating: C-. Slightly better than I was expecting here as they had some nice near falls. Anderson and Gallows are the much better team going forward as the Miztourage is really only there as lackeys. I could see Anderson and Gallows going after whoever Strowman wins the titles with in an early losing effort down the line.

Here’s Elias to talk about performing on the grandest stage of them all in thirteen days. He’s not happy with going from Madison Square Garden over the weekend to Cleveland tonight but just like LeBron James, he’s leaving soon. After a song about hating Cleveland, it’s time for a match.

Elias vs. Rhyno

Rhyno runs him over with a shoulder to start but gets taken down with a clothesline. A chinlock doesn’t last long but Rhyno’s comeback is even shorter as Drift Away gives Elias the pin at 1:25.

Long recap of Cena challenging Undertaker to no avail.

John Cena vs. Kane

No DQ. Kane wastes no time in stomping Cena down and a big boot puts him on the floor. We’re already in the chinlock and Cena can’t power up with the AA as Kane falls down onto him for two. They head outside with Cena being sent into the steps as we take a break. Back with Kane knocking him through the crowd and hitting a suplex onto a well placed piece of barricade. They head back to the ring with Kane putting him down and going to take off a turnbuckle.

Cena sits up and sends him into the buckle, followed by the throat slit. A chokeslam gets two on Kane and it’s table time. Kane sits up this time though and shoves the table over before the AA can connect. Instead he sends Cena through the table in the corner for two. Rather than going after Cena even more, it’s another table being set up instead. The chokeslam is countered into an AA through the table to give Cena the pin at 14:02.

Rating: C. I’m still not interested in seeing Cena vs. Kane but at least they’re doing something else to set up the match than the usual stuff. That being said, Cena acting like Undertaker is some horrible person for wanting to retire because Cena wants a match at Wrestlemania is flimsy at best. This was perfectly fine for a house show main event.

Post match Cena wants to know where the lightning is. He calls Undertaker a coward again because there’s no response. Cena is willing to go to Wrestlemania as a fan because all he wants is SOMETHING from Undertaker. There’s just one week left to go because Undertaker has one week left to do something and define his career. Oh good grief. Anyway Cena wants him here next week because it’s Undertaker’s last chance.

Overall Rating: C+. This week was mainly about advancing the stories that were already set up and I’m getting more and more excited for Wrestlemania every week. There’s a very solid card to be found in there, though stuff like Cena acting as if Undertaker’s career means nothing because he’s old and broken down doesn’t do much for me. The good stuff was good here and they’re getting my interest up, which is all that matters right now.

Results

Nia Jax b. Mickie James – Samoan drop

Cedric Alexander/Mustafa Ali b. TJP/Drew Gulak – 054 to TJP

Asuka b. Jamie Frost – Kick to the head

Braun Strowman b. Sheamus – Powerslam

Anderson and Gallows b. Miztourage – Magic Killer to Axel

Elias b. Rhyno – Drift Away

John Cena b. Kane – Attitude Adjustment through a table

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Main Event
Date: March 22, 2018
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Vic Joseph Nigel McGuinness

I’m just going out on a limb here but I think Smackdown might get some extra attention this week. You know, because of that whole biggest story of the year thing that went down. There was good stuff on Raw too though, meaning we might not be getting a lot of original content this time around. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s episode if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Curt Hawkins vs. Heath Slater

Hawkins wastes no time in laying down so Slater can pin him but his “surprise” kick to the head is easily countered. A running clothesline puts Hawkins on the floor and he’d be more than happy to have Rhyno attack him for a DQ. Slater cuts him off but Hawkins cuts him off, followed by a chinlock inside. The comeback is cut off with a dropkick and Slater has to break out of another chinlock. There’s an enziguri to get Slater out of trouble and a neckbreaker is good for two. Hawkins decks him again but takes WAY too much time following up, allowing Slater to get a small package for the pin at 5:11.

Rating: D+. They’re officially beyond the point of needing to do something with Hawkins. The joke is stale and it’s not getting any better by doing the same thing over and over again. That being said, you know the big change isn’t happening on Main Event, but maybe having him be Braun Strowman’s partner or winning off a fluke of some kind could do just as well.

From Raw.

Here’s John Cena to find out what Undertaker is going to do at Wrestlemania. Cena issued a challenge last week and now it’s time to find out what he has to say. He can’t believe that Undertaker doesn’t know he still has a place here because if there’s still a WWE, the name Undertaker still has meaning. There’s even a man in the crowd dressed like the Undertaker right now. Well hang on because the response to the challenge is….nothing.

There hasn’t been a yes or a no and that’s the biggest mistake Undertaker has ever made. Cena calls it disrespectful to everyone in this arena who gets up and cheers when they head about the Undertaker. It’s disrespectful to everyone who took an oversized mortician and turned him into a god. Without the people, there’s no Streak and there’s no Undertaker. After these people have given Undertaker everything they have, he can’t give them a yes or a no?

If you’re retired then say you’re retired but if you’re in then say you’re in. The man that Undertaker has become is a coward. Just do something, even if it’s “some of that stupid stuff you do.” Roll a casket out here or light something on fire but DO SOMETHING! Fans: “DO SOMETHING!” Cue Kane, with new music, to chokeslam Cena without saying a word. I know the match is almost a guarantee, but they’re cutting it ridiculously close with this build.

From Smackdown.

Here’s Bryan to open things up. He needs to address the actions of Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens from last week….but they’re not here yet so we need to talk about something else. Bryan talks about being grateful for everything he has, which was the theme of his retirement speech. He has the greatest fans in the world and an amazing, beautiful wife who stood by him the entire way. It was her who told him to keep going to see specialist after specialist to get him back in the ring. Fans: “THANK YOU BRIE!”

Then when he got depressed, he decided to fight and it was Brie who told him to fight for his dreams. Eventually he was told he was cleared and those dreams became a reality. Next, Bryan needs to thank all of the doctors who kept giving him clearances until the WWE doctors finally did the same. Bryan isn’t sure when he’ll be back in the ring so here’s a WRESTLEMANIA chant to give him an idea. No announcement is made but the fans (including myself) are thrilled.

And from later in the same show.

Back from a break and Bryan is in the ring to see Owens and Zayn. Owens talks about taking their time getting here but Shane McMahon wasn’t going to be here so it wasn’t a big deal. Then they heard what happened and got over here as soon as they could. They had to get out of a speeding ticket but it was easy because everyone is dumber in Texas. Sami is happy with the news because Bryan has always been their biggest fan.

It’s a classic case of good things happening to good people and any show with the three of them on it is the dream show. It sounds like a dream team, but that’s not why Bryan wanted them out here. Bryan shows a clip of the two of them attacking Shane to end last week’s show, which they find funny. That’s not cool with Bryan but Sami says Shane deserved it. Bryan thinks they don’t get it.

Shane was right: Bryan was living vicariously through the two of them, but last week was more than getting a little carried away. The thing is Sami and Kevin won because Shane agreed that he had gone too far. They had a match set up for Wrestlemania, which was all they had ever wanted. Imagine the three of them being told that at an armory in front of 300 people ten years ago.

They would have had Bryan in his corner to run the show but they still assaulted Shane. Bryan doesn’t get it but he’s been fired from this company twice and grown from it each time. The two of them are fired and are so shocked that they can’t speak. Owens goes to leave but decks Bryan, followed by some screaming that Bryan did this.

Bryan fights back with kicks in the corner and a snap German suplex to Sami, followed by the running corner dropkicks. Referees come out as Owens takes the YES Kicks but Sami gets back up for the save. Bryan eats a Helluva Kick and the apron powerbomb makes things even worse to end the show.

Well that worked. This gives you a logical path to the tag match (Sami and Kevin have changed from the men Bryan knew years ago and the attack on Shane was unnecessary) and gives Sami and Kevin a ton of heat at the same time. It’s a good angle, but more than that it’s bizarre to see Bryan taking bumps after two years of just talking. Good segment though and I’m excited for the match.

Lucha House Party vs. Ariya Daivari/Tony Nese/TJP

It’s kind of amazing how the more worthless cruiserweights have just disappeared since the tournament started. Kalisto and TJP start things off with the latter talking trash, earning himself a trip to the mat and a spank. The rolling kick to the head rocks TJP again and everything breaks down in a hurry. Double suicide dives have the villains in trouble but Daivari racks Dorado. That’s broken up as well and it’s a superkick into the shooting star for the very fast pin on Daivari at 2:01. I’m guessing the Bryan segment cut this way down but it’s not like we haven’t seen it a dozen times.

Wrestlemania rundown.

From Raw again.

Here’s Kurt Angle to open things up and he has some bad news: Roman Reigns will not be here tonight due to his suspension and Brock Lesnar isn’t here yet. Angle goes to talk about the tag team battle royal but here’s Roman Reigns through the crowd. Kurt warns him that security is waiting but Roman doesn’t care. Someone has to be here to represent the main event of Wrestlemania since Brock isn’t showing up.

They yell at each other with Reigns saying he’s not going anywhere and getting a chair. Angle waves it off and leaves so here are the US Marshals, one of which pulls out a card and gives him the Miranda rights. Reigns is handcuffed but they make the mistake of grabbing his arms and the beating is on. Reigns stands tall and CUE LESNAR!

The beatdown is on in a hurry with Brock throwing German suplexes and beating the heck out of him with the chair. An F5 leaves Reigns laying and here’s a stretcher to come get Roman. He’s strapped on but Brock comes back again and shoves the stretcher over. Reigns is left laying after a very strong segment that this match needed.

Overall Rating: B-. The original wrestling was its usual nothing but my goodness what a week for WWE TV. The Bryan announcement and segments were outstanding but the Lesnar beatdown worked very well in its own regard. For the first time I’m getting very excited for Wrestlemania and this is the right time for that to be the case.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: October 23, 2003
Location: Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past No Mercy and that means it’s time to get ready for Survivor Series. Thankfully it also means that Stephanie McMahon is gone after having been beaten by her father in an I Quit match. Since that’s going to get some focus tonight, we’ll move on to Brock Lesnar successfully defending the World Title against the Undertaker. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

And here’s No Mercy as a bonus.

The opening recap features the narration from Sunday’s opening video and some audio from Vince defeating Stephanie when Linda threw in the towel. We need to keep Stephanie strong for the off screen wedding you see.

Opening sequence.

Here are Vince and Sable to open things up. Vince brags about his win and had a lot of fun stomping Stephanie into the ground. We’re celebrating tonight, maybe even like he celebrated with Sable on Sunday. He didn’t spare the rod with Sable because he used it all night long. On Sunday he did what he wanted by leaving Stephanie unemployed and making sure Brock Lesnar remained WWE Champion.

It was Vince who turned the lights out and sent the FBI out before he had to help things out himself. The new rule: don’t cross the boss but do have sex with the man who signs your checks. I’m assuming he’s talking about Sable there but it’s not clear. That brings us to the position of General Manager and it’s not going to be Sable. Vince: “I have some other job positions in mind for you.” No the new General Manager is….Paul Heyman. Vince is REALLY nice about forgiving past grudges.

Cole and Tazz panic but here’s Undertaker to chase Vince and Sable off. Heyman says he’s the only hope that Undertaker has because Vince is never going to help him. Tonight, Undertaker is going to have a match against Brock Lesnar and Big Show. If he can win that, he gets any match he wants. Undertaker promises to make this blow up in Heyman’s face and get his revenge.

This is certainly a change of pace and odds are this is going to get rid of Vince, or at least lower the amount of time he’ll be spending on TV. There’s no need to have two heel authority figures and Heyman can more than hold his own with the talking. Undertaker vs. Lesnar continuing doesn’t do much for me, but Vince vs. Undertaker does even less. Heyman being the new boss is interesting though and he’s certainly an upgrade over Stephanie.

John Cena/A-Train vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit

Before the match, Cena says it’s time to shake Kurt’s hand….but that’s a b**** move. He’s about to snatch his thunder back like a five finger discount and people need to get off of his….well you know. Angle headlocks A-Train down to start but some knees in the corner have Kurt down. Cena comes in with a Michinoku Driver (Where has he been keeping that thing?) for two before it’s back to A-Train for a butterfly suplex.

A big German suplex gets Angle out of trouble and it’s off to Benoit for a German suplex of his own. A-Train has to break up the Sharpshooter on Cena as everything breaks down. An Angle Slam drops A-Train and it’s the ankle lock to Cena. A-Train is up way too fast for the save and the limping Cena grabs the chain. Benoit grabs a chair from A-Train but hits Angle by mistake, triggering a fight. Kurt gets caught in the Crossface and the match is thrown out. Why? It shouldn’t be a DQ and the referee didn’t see the chair shot.

Rating: C. This was fun while it lasted but there’s not much you can do with five minutes and getting in an angle at the same time. Benoit vs. Angle could be good, assuming it leads to someone getting a fresh shot at Lesnar. Brock is needing some new challengers right now and Benoit would be a better choice than Angle at the moment.

We look at Tajiri blinding Nidia last week.

Using a webcam, Jamie Noble is serious about fixing Nidia’s sight. All the money he got from his aunt means nothing if she’s not better. If Nidia doesn’t come out of this ok, Tajiri will be paying. Serious Jamie actually worked, despite the thick accent.

Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin are excited about Paul Heyman being back when Heyman comes in. He calls them liars (oh the irony) for not calling after Brock Lesnar took him out. Therefore, the Basham Brothers are getting the Tag Team Title shot instead of Haas and Benjamin. They can have another match and that is next.

Vince and Sable are in a box and wave to the little people.

Video on Stu Hart. This one is narrated by Cole instead of Vince in a nice bit of continuity if you treat Raw and Smackdown as two completely different things.

World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Rikishi/Scotty 2 Hotty

This is Rikishi’s first WWE match since June and Scotty’s first since April 2002. Scotty and Haas get things going with a quick takedown allowing Scotty to celebrate. A hiptoss drops Benjamin and we hit the Moonwalk. Benjamin gets in a shot from behind though and it’s time to take over as we wait on the hot tag to Rikishi.

It’s off to a chinlock for a bit before the jump over Charlie and onto Scotty’s back keeps him in trouble. A clothesline gets Scotty over to the corner for the tag and Rikishi cleans house….until Shelton superkicks him down. Everything breaks down and Scotty brings back the Worm to Shelton. Haas gets a Stinkface and Rikishi sits on Shelton’s chest for the pin.

Rating: D+. Uh, yay! I’m not sure who was wanting to see Rikishi and Scotty back but there are worse ideas out there. I’ll take them over a team like Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak on Raw as Rikishi and Scotty at least have some charisma and have been successful at one point. There are worse ideas so I’ll take what I can get.

Dancing ensues post match.

Vince and Sable join in on the dancing but Undertaker breaks into the sky box. After insulting Sable, Undertaker tells Vince to pray that he wins tonight. Otherwise, Undertaker will be back and there won’t be any talking.

Eddie Guerrero is getting treatment for the injuries from Sunday when Chavo comes in and tells him to suck it up. Chavo: “THIS IS FOR GRANDMA!”

Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are challenging. A fired up Eddie hammers on Doug in the corner to start before it’s off to Chavo for more of the same. Eddie comes back in with the slingshot hilo as this is completely one sided so far. It’s off to Danny, who has ever worse luck as Chavo snapmares him into the champions’ corner. Shaniqua grabs a foot though and the Bashams take over for the first time. It’s off to the chinlock for a bit before Danny slaps on a full nelson.

Like a nitwit, Doug charges straight at the two of them and gets backdropped. A wristdrag/headscissors combination takes the Bashams down and the hot tag brings in Chavo. Danny gets planted with a running tornado DDT (looked good) as everything breaks down. It’s back to Eddie for a slingshot hilo while Chavo holds Danny in a backbreaker (that’s a new one). Shaniqua offers a distraction and the Bashams switch, allowing Doug to hit Eddie with a nightstick for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C. This screams long term booking to me and there’s nothing wrong with that. Chavo getting on Eddie before the match suggests that the team is being broken up soon and if that means a big Eddie singles run, I’m rather pleased. The Bashams still need to drop Shaniqua but at least they had a few wins to set this up.

Post match Shaniqua says they’re going to, ahem, celebrate.

During the break, Chavo berated Eddie for the loss and walked away from him.

Tajiri vs. Zach Gowen

Non-title. Gowen is wrestling in a shirt this time around, which doesn’t exactly hide the fact that he’s the size of a middle school kid. Tajiri kicks him hard in the shoulder but gets armdragged down into an armbar. A tornado DDT is countered into a spinebuster and we hit the USA chant to annoy Tajiri. Zach avoids a knee drop (with Tajiri adding a high pitched squeal on the way down) and goes up, only to miss his moonsault. Tajiri kicks his head off for the pin.

Rating: D. That’s Gowen’s last match in WWE and I’m not going to miss him. He’s the definition of a novelty act that ran its course and then stuck around even longer. There’s no hiding the fact that most of his offense is built around fluke rollups and moves that wouldn’t do a great deal of damage. Couple that with the constant “this kid has heart” and “he’ll never give up” lines from Cole and the feel good story lost all of its charm in very short order.

Post match Tajiri’s unnamed associates come in and lay Gowen out again on Tajiri’s orders.

Lesnar tells Big Show to follow his lead tonight. That’s fine with Show, who warns Brock that he’ll be coming for the title soon.

Vince and Sable are still in the box.

Bob Holly is coming back after a year off with a neck injury. He’s coming for Lesnar and wants to break his neck. That works very well aside from the being Hardcore Holly part.

Video on Hawk, who passed away earlier in the week.

Undertaker vs. Big Show/Brock Lesnar

This has way more time than it needs so hopefully there’s something after the match. Show starts for the very large team and drives Undertaker into the corner to start. Undertaker takes a rare powder when they both come in at once and it’s already chair time. Lesnar comes in for the shoulders to the ribs (a far too popular move) as Tazz thinks they might be working on Undertaker’s midsection.

A suplex gives Brock two but as usual, Show screws up, this time by running into a big boot. Undertaker goes vintage with the jumping clothesline to both guys in turn but walks into a chokeslam from Show. It’s Lesnar tagging himself in for a delayed two and ordering Show to go up top. The spike piledriver (that sounds like something you wouldn’t see from the 80s) is broken up and Show gets slammed off the top for the pin. Vince is immediately on his feet and here’s Heyman to say that this is 2/3 falls. Therefore it should be 0-0 as Show wasn’t legal but Heyman never cared about rules.

Back from a break with Heyman in his office chair on the stage and Lesnar eating Snake Eyes into the big boot. Somehow the 7’2 500lb Show manages to sneak around the ring for a clothesline but Undertaker knocks him over the barricade. Some right hands to Lesnar are enough for the countout win….but Heyman says there are no countouts. Show chairs him in the back, there are no DQ’s, and we keep going. This time Undertaker gets smart and grabs the chain to knock the both silly for the pin on Lesnar.

Rating: D+. Well it wasn’t Austin vs. Love but it did the job. Above all else here though, was it really necessary to have Undertaker get two pins on the two singles champions, including the new US Champion? I’m getting rather tired of seeing Undertaker against these two but hopefully some fresh blood is on the way. Heyman screwing Undertaker over is fine for now, but having him lose this early on is more interesting. It’s nice to have a boss who gets taken down a peg or two so soon.

Post match Show lays Undertaker out with a chokeslam and Brock adds an F5 into the post. Vince wants to come see this in person so here he comes after a break. With Undertaker rolling up the ramp, Vince screams about how Undertaker will never be WWE Champion. Vince asks what match Undertaker wants with Lesnar so Undertaker says it’ll be at Survivor Series in a Buried Alive match…..against McMahon. As usual, Vince does the cocky to terrified transition better than anyone. This was a good reveal too as there was no reason to think Undertaker wouldn’t pick Lesnar, but going with McMahon makes sense.

Overall Rating: C-. There was some change in here to make the show better (read as a lack of Stephanie) but they’re continuing the stories that are still around as well. Heyman didn’t really get to do much on his first night but he’s a long overdue change in the power structure. Survivor Series is already starting to take shape, though there’s a lot of work left to be done. They’re off to an acceptable start, but there’s a very long way to go yet.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 19, 2018
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman

We’re down to three weeks left before Wrestlemania and there’s a lot left to do. One such thing is Ultimate Deletion, which takes place tonight instead of at Wrestlemania in a smart move. The problem is that’s going to be a lot of TV time that could be used for something bigger, though I’m curious to see how this translates to WWE TV. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here’s Kurt Angle to open things up and he has some bad news: Roman Reigns will not be here tonight due to his suspension and Brock Lesnar isn’t here yet. Angle goes to talk about the tag team battle royal but here’s Roman Reigns through the crowd. Kurt warns him that security is waiting but Roman doesn’t care. Someone has to be here to represent the main event of Wrestlemania since Brock isn’t showing up.

They yell at each other with Reigns saying he’s not going anywhere and getting a chair. Angle waves it off and leaves so here are the US Marshals, one of which pulls out a card and gives him the Miranda rights. Reigns is handcuffed but they make the mistake of grabbing his arms and the beating is on. Reigns stands tall and CUE LESNAR!

The beatdown is on in a hurry with Brock throwing German suplexes and beating the heck out of him with the chair. An F5 leaves Reigns laying and here’s a stretcher to come get Roman. He’s strapped on but Brock comes back again and shoves the stretcher over. Reigns is left laying after a very strong segment that this match needed.

We recap last week’s issues between Alexa Bliss and Nia Jax. Bliss didn’t realize a camera was on and ran her mouth, calling Nia huge and stupid. Nia was crushed and tried to take out Bliss and Mickie James but they bailed in time.

Here are Alexa and Mickie to call what was said last week girl talk. Alexa got carried away and said some things that she shouldn’t have. She apologizes….that she didn’t speak the truth sooner. Bliss didn’t lose an ounce of sleep or lose an ounce of remorse because she never liked Nia. It feels like she’s lost 300lbs of loser and now it’s time to end the streak.

Alexa Bliss vs. Asuka

Non-title. Joined in progress with Bliss bending the neck around the ropes and pounding Bliss down. Asuka tries a legsweep but gets dropkicked down for two instead. Bliss avoids a charge against the ropes and the running hip attack….looks a bit awkward with Bliss bouncing to the side instead of backwards. A sliding knee looks better and drops Bliss for two but Mickie offers a distraction.

Bliss knees her to the floor so Mickie can get in a cheap shot. Back from a break with Bliss getting two off a sunset bomb. Bliss misses her standing moonsault and gets kneed down for two. An ankle lock has Bliss in trouble until she crawls out to the floor. Bliss takes a walk and it’s a countout at 11:56.

Rating: C-. This was rather sloppy at times and the ending wasn’t the best in the world. You can only get so far with one of them walking out for a countout but that’s the best course of action with both of them in major matches at Wrestlemania. Bliss is definitely getting better in the ring, though some of her selling here was hit and miss.

Post match, with Bliss still in the aisle, here’s Nia Jax to chase Bliss down. Alexa scurries away but can’t get into the crowd. Mickie’s save earns her a whip into the apron and Bliss escapes. Nia chases her down again and they run to the back.

Post break Bliss asks Angle to have Nia arrested. That’s a big negative so the title match is on for Wrestlemania.

Here’s Braun Strowman to address winning the battle royal. He’s been told that he has to have a partner to challenge for the titles, even though he thinks he can win them on his own. Cue the Bar to mock the idea of Strowman winning, but Braun says he has a partner to challenge for the titles. As for now though, Strowman gets to face one of them. Both of them get on the apron but Sheamus does a head fake and only Cesaro gets in.

Cesaro vs. Braun Strowman

Cesaro gets thrown into the corner for some right hands (these hands I believe) and we take a break. Back with Cesaro getting in a right hand to the face but having a suplex reversed into a new powerslam. That’s broken up though and Strowman is low bridged to the floor. A dropkick through the ropes staggers Strowman and he misses a charge into the post. Cesaro’s springboard spinning uppercut has Strowman in trouble bu the second attempt is knocked out of the air. Sheamus offers a distraction and gets run over, followed by the running powerslam to end Cesaro at 8:40.

Rating: C. Better match here as Cesaro got in some offense, as he should have. Strowman getting a pin clean like that is a nice move for him, though winning the titles needs to be a must. You can only have him slip on a banana peel so many times before it stops working and Strowman is running out of chances.

We go to the Hardy Compound where Rebecca, with Wolfgang on her back, is playing the piano. Senor Benjamin is told to prepare for annihilation.

Revival vs. Titus Worldwide

Neither team gets an entrance. Clash of the Titus is broken up with a dropkick and Wilder drops Dawson into a legdrop on O’Neil for two. The hot tag brings in Apollo to clean house, including the jumping clothesline into a standing moonsault for two. A small package gets two on Dawson but Wilder pulls Titus to the floor. That means a dive from Apollo but Dawson sneaks in a blind tag, setting up the Shatter Machine for the pin at 3:10.

Rating: C-. Nice while it lasted but I’m not sure what there is to win at this point. I like seeing Revival win, though what exactly do they have to get ready for right now? The battle royal maybe? It’s nice to see the Revival win though and that’s more than they’ve been able to say in recent weeks.

Post match the Revival is asked what they’re doing next. They’re the best team to challenge for the titles but now they’re entering Strowman’s world by entering the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

Mark Henry Hall of Fame video.

Here’s Bayley for a match but hang on a second as here’s Sasha to explain her actions over the last few months. She was trying to win the title, not betray Bayley. Last week, Bayley wasn’t trying to win a match when she walked away. Banks is willing to forgive her though and extends a hand but Bayley grabs a mic instead. Yeah she walked away last week because she can’t get over what Sasha did at Elimination Chamber. Sasha was smiling when she knocked Bayley down like it meant nothing. Cue Absolution to interrupt though and the match is on.

Bayley/Sasha Banks vs. Sonya Deville/Mandy Rose

Banks gets in a slap but is thrown outside with Bayley joining her as we take a break. Back with Bayley sending Rose face first into the buckle over and over before hitting the running elbow to the back. Sasha tags herself in to count two though and gets stomped down in the corner for her efforts.

Mandy gets two off a sliding knee and the stomping continues. A charge misses and Sasha crawls over to Bayley, whose arm isn’t stretched out. Instead Banks gets knocked into the corner and Bayley tags herself in to start cleaning house. A middle rope elbow gets two as everything breaks down. Bayley’s backslide gets a delayed two on Sonya as the referee is trying to get rid of Banks. Deville sends them into each other though and kicks Bayley down for the pin at 10:00.

Rating: D+. Storyline advancement instead of a match here and that’s fine. It seems that we’re heading for Bayley and Sasha in the battle royal instead of having a singles match and I think I’m ok with that. It’s either have a short Wrestlemania match or be on the pre-show otherwise so let them do the showdown later, maybe even at the next pay per view or the Raw after Wrestlemania. Still though, the story works.

Here’s John Cena to find out what Undertaker is going to do at Wrestlemania. Cena issued a challenge last week and now it’s time to find out what he has to say. He can’t believe that Undertaker doesn’t know he still has a place here because if there’s still a WWE, the name Undertaker still has meaning. There’s even a man in the crowd dressed like the Undertaker right now. Well hang on because the response to the challenge is….nothing.

There hasn’t been a yes or a no and that’s the biggest mistake Undertaker has ever made. Cena calls it disrespectful to everyone in this arena who gets up and cheers when they head about the Undertaker. It’s disrespectful to everyone who took an oversized mortician and turned him into a god. Without the people, there’s no Streak and there’s no Undertaker. After these people have given Undertaker everything they have, he can’t give them a yes or a no?

If you’re retired then say you’re retired but if you’re in then say you’re in. The man that Undertaker has become is a coward. Just do something, even if it’s “some of that stupid stuff you do.” Roll a casket out here or light something on fire but DO SOMETHING! Fans: “DO SOMETHING!” Cue Kane, with new music, to chokeslam Cena without saying a word. I know the match is almost a guarantee, but they’re cutting it ridiculously close with this build.

We recap the opening segment. Reigns has been taken to a medical facility.

Back to the Hardy Compound with Matt asking George Washington (a giraffe) for advice.

Here’s the Miztourage for a match against Balor Club but beforehand, Miz complains about his lack of respect. His face isn’t even on the Wrestlemania magazine because there’s no respect. Miz can’t even get a singles match for the title and wants to know if he’s the bad guy. If you buy the Finn Balor and Seth Rollins action figures, it doesn’t make them superstars. Last week Miz showed how much they wanted to hurt each other. At Wrestlemania, Miz will show “Tyler Black and Prince Nevitt” how things work around here so they can go back to the bingo halls and Too Sweet all the indy fans.

Miztourage vs. Anderson and Gallows/Finn Balor

Hang on though as here’s Rollins to do commentary and we take a break before the opening bell. Joined in progress with Gallows hammering on Axel before it’s off to Balor to armbar Dallas. Miz comes in and knees Balor in the ribs, followed by the left hands to the head. A basement dropkick cuts Axel down but Miz keeps Balor in trouble.

That allows Miz to do Balor’s pose and that’s just too much. Balor gets over to corner for a tag to Anderson so house can be cleaned. A high crossbody gets two on Axel and we take a break with Miz and company in trouble. Back with Balor clotheslining him to the floor, setting up a HUGE flip dive. The Coup de Grace is broken up but the Skull Crushing Finale is turned into a rollup for two. Instead Miz is kicked into Dallas for the pin at 10:07.

Rating: C-. Another match designed to advance the stories here and that’s all well and good. The triple threat should be fun and you can pencil in the other four for spots in the battle royal. I’d bet on Miz retaining but there’s a real chance for either of them to pull it off, which is all you could ask for.

Post match the beatdown is on but Rollins comes down for the save. Miz takes the curb stomp and Balor isn’t sure what to do.

Matt laid in Skarsgard (the boat) earlier today.

Long video on Ronda Rousey’s path to Wrestlemania.

Bray Wyatt has arrived at the gates of the Hardy Compound, which open without a touch. Vanguard I greets him and says it’s time for music. A piano is heard and Bray follows the sound to a ring where Matt is waiting. Matt knew Bray would come and we take a break

Colo apologizes for what we’re about to see.

Matt Hardy vs. Bray Wyatt

They do some wrestling to start with Matt getting two off a neckbreaker and promising to DELETE Bray. An early Sister Abigail attempt is broken up so Bray hits his hard clothesline. He grabs a chair from underneath the ring (Why would Bray know that was there???) but Matt tells Vanguard I to initiate. That means it’s time for fireworks (how I’ve missed them) and Bray is freaked out, allowing Matt to chair him down.

They fight to a wooden building and Bray drops to his knees with a smile on his face. We see glimpses of Bray’s own compound but he takes a kendo stick away from Matt and rams him into the wall. Another vision of his own compound burning scares Bray so Matt escapes to a group of his symbols planted in the ground like tombstones. A branch to the back gets two on Matt and Bray throws him into a metal door.

The door pops open to reveal a large area, including a ring, a piano and a riding mower. Matt escapes a Rock Bottom through the piano and beats on Bray with a ladder. With Bray down, Matt talks to an old wheel chair (chair of wheels) and the mower of lawns before getting on the latter. With Ode to Joy playing, Bray spiders up and smiles at him. Bray sends Matt into the apron and gets punched in the head a lot.

Wyatt says this is his ultimate deletion and drags Matt outside towards the Lake of Reincarnation. Vanguard comes at Bray but he grabs the handles and throws it away. Matt is gone so Bray throws Skarsgard over, only to find Senor Benjamin with a globe. That’s thrown to Bray, who now has the whole world in his hands. Cue Jeff Hardy for a distraction though and a Twist of Fate pins Bray at 13:23.

Rating: N/A. There’s no way to rate this as a match but for what it was, it worked very well. It felt like one of the TNA matches (of course with a bigger budget) and that’s not a bad thing for once. Bray losing again was pretty clear as you don’t want to waste the compound’s debut. I could have gone for more insanity but what we got worked very well. Now where do they go from here?

Post match Bray gets up and says it’s not over. Matt shoves him into the lake and then calls Benjamin over to get him out. There’s no Bray though, which Matt declares delightful because Great War is over. Bray Wyatt has been deleted. Matt celebrates to end the show as I wonder if Bray is dead.

Overall Rating: C+. The more I think about it, the more I’m liking the build to Wrestlemania….outside of Undertaker vs. Cena that is. They’ve got some interesting matches built up and I’m not sure who wins some of them, which is a nice feeling to have going into the pay per view. Tonight’s show set up some more stuff with a very good opening and a good closing, though I’m not sure where some of the pieces are going to fall into place. They need to finalize things soon and I’m not sure they have time to get everywhere they need to go in time. Still though, tonight was a good step.

Results

Asuka b. Alexa Bliss via countout

Braun Strowman b. Cesaro – Running powerslam

Revival b. Titus Worldwide – Shatter Machine to Apollo

Mandy Rose/Sonya Deville b. Bayley/Sasha Banks – Kick to the head to Bayley

Finn Balor/Anderson and Gallows b. Miztourage – Rollup to Miz

Matt Hardy b. Bray Wyatt – Twist of Fate

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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No Mercy 2003
Date: October 19, 2003
Location: 1^st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the Stephanie vs. Vince Show as the McMahons are battling in the real main event. The last few months have been building up to the I Quit match with both of their jobs on the line. Other than that we have Brock Lesnar defending the World Title against the Undertaker in a Biker Chain match, meaning chain on a pole. Let’s get to it.

Here’s the go home episode of Smackdown if you need a recap.

The opening video, narrated by Vince and Stephanie’s arguing, looks over a little girl’s things, including a tiara, shoes and a teddy bear. We hear Vince demanding that she quit and Stephanie refusing but also begging to not have the match. Thankfully Brock and Undertaker get some time as well.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Rey Mysterio

Tajiri is defending and is admonished to not use the mist of any color. They fight over a lockup to start and fall to the floor with no one getting an advantage. Back in and Rey gets smart by going after the leg with a quick leglock. That’s broken up with some shots to the head but the handspring elbow is dropkicked away to put Tajiri on the floor.

That’s enough of this wrestling stuff so Rey hits a dive to give the fans more of what they’re expecting. Mysterio tries to get a bit too fancy though and has a springboard broken up with his arm landing on the top rope. You wouldn’t exactly expect these two to go with limb work but it’s actually working. A springboard armdrag gets Rey out of an armbar but hurts his arm even more, allowing Tajiri to kick him in the head. Slow Rey down with the arm to set up the best offensive move. Good stuff.

Rey grabs a tornado DDT for a delayed two before using his legs to pull the champ out to the floor. Back in and Tajiri tries to throw him to the floor again but gets a 619 to the ribs. The West Coast Pop is countered with a powerbomb but Rey is right back with a moonsault press. Tajiri goes right back to the arm, only to have the knee give out on the Tarantula attempt. Now the 619 connects and Rey grabs the West Coast Pop but a “fan” runs in for a distraction. Tajiri hits the Buzzsaw Kick to retain.

Rating: B-. Good opener with a bad ending. You can imagine Tajiri getting a lackey out of this and that’s not exactly a thrilling way to wrap up the match. If nothing else, there wasn’t any mist either after Tajiri has spent over a week building it up. I liked the majority of the match though and that’s a good way to open the show.

Replays shows security holding a second “fan” back as well so yeah we’re probably looking at a mini stable. The division needs more bodies so that’s not the worst idea in the world.

Vince yells at Josh Matthews (good) for asking how he’s feeling. This is somehow both personal and business with some people on the roster being on Stephanie’s side. That’s fine with Vince, because if they try to help her, he’ll just fire them.

A-Train vs. Chris Benoit

A-Train is annoyed because he can’t beat Benoit. Tazz: “They love pierced nipples in Denmark.” A hard shoulder puts Benoit on the floor and we’re starting at a slower pace. Back in and Benoit can’t get either a German suplex or the Crossface. Instead he just slugs away with chops and some forearms for little avail. A-Train goes with the power as a slam and splash get two.

The clubbing forearms keep Benoit in trouble and A-Train catapults him throat first into the middle rope. More time wasting allows Benoit to slug away until a Polish Hammer (with the Putski references) drops him again. A DDT gives Benoit a breather but A-Train grabs a German suplex of his own. With the wrestling not working, A-Train brings in a chair but gets it knocked away.

A-Train tries a gorilla press instead but drops Benoit HEAD FIRST (didn’t seem to be on purpose) onto the chair in a scary looking landing. Benoit is of course fine and starts rolling the German suplexes. The Swan Dive is broken up so A-Train teases going up as well. Thankfully, for the sake of not breaking the ring, he comes down and hits the Derailer for two instead. With the chair wedged in the corner, A-Train kicks it by mistake, setting up the Sharpshooter for the submission.

Rating: C. Considering who Benoit was in there against, this could have been a lot worse (if nothing else just for dropping Benoit on the chair). A-Train was fine as a dragon for Benoit to slay but that’s all he was going to be. The hairy look and only somewhat above average power offense held him back a lot but at least the story here made sense.

Heidenreich yells at Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore about throwing away his highlight tape but Matt talks his way out of trouble.

Members of the military are here.

Zach Gowen vs. Matt Hardy

Shannon Moore is with Matt Hardy, who cannot be grossed out and has survived five car wrecks. They trade slaps to start before Gowen hits a leg lariat to take over. A middle rope bulldog gets two but Moore breaks up a springboard. Cole: “How much longer is this going to go on? It’s been week after week after week.” Agreed, but they’ll give up on pushing Gowen eventually.

Snake Eyes and a running clothesline put Gowen on the floor, followed by a double arm crank as Cole talks about believing in Gowen. Matt misses the moonsault though and gets knocked outside, allowing Zach to springboard (pulls himself up, puts his shin on the top rope and flips forward) onto him for two. Still shaken from the missed moonsault, Matt takes him to the top but has a belly to back superplex broken up. Gowen’s moonsault is good for the pin.

Rating: D. If they have to give Gowen a win, I’m kind of glad that it’s a clean one. Having to hear about Gowen winning the match with someone handing it to him would have been too much, but as usual everyone has to slow down to let him keep up. The moonsault had good form but it’s really hard to buy that anything from Gowen is going to be enough for a pin.

Linda McMahon tries to talk Vince out of the match but Vince says no. He’ll make a concession though: Stephanie can win by pinfall as well as submission, but Vince makes it no holds barred to keep it even. They’re throwing everything they can at this match to make it interesting and it’s not working.

APA vs. Basham Brothers

This was set up on Sunday Night Heat. Again no Shaniqua, thank goodness. Bradshaw pounds Doug in the corner to start before running him over with a shoulder. Faarooq comes in for a powerslam but is smart enough to know that Danny tagged himself in. That means a knockdown to Danny as well because Faarooq pays attention. A double spinebuster gets two on Danny and Doug gets kicked in the face for daring to interrupt.

Cole and Tazz argue over sexual fetishes and journalistic integrity as the Bashams take over with a quick double team. A double suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock. That actually draws a loud APA chant, which I think may be a first time event. With the first chinlock working so well, Danny grabs another one to keep Faarooq down.

Since Faarooq is tired of being stuck in a chinlock, he fights up and hits a spinebuster, setting up the hot tag to Bradshaw. A powerbomb and Last Call drop Doug and it’s a super Last Call for Danny. The referee gets bumped so here’s Shaniqua to knock Bradshaw out with a club, giving Danny the pin.

Rating: D. Well we were free of her for a few weeks. The Bashams winning was the right call as the APA doesn’t have anything to gain, but Shaniqua and the dominatrix stuff isn’t helping anyone. The division isn’t deep enough that they can’t get to the top very fast, but get rid of the ball and chain as soon as possible.

Post match Shaniqua talks about the Clothesline making her chest swell, which has the Bashams freaking out at a level that Jerry Lawler would find disturbing. They’re going to be rewarded though so she’ll whip it good. And that’s it for whatever good the Bashams got out of the win.

Tazz has keys to victory in the Biker Chain match.

Very long recap of Stephanie vs. Vince. Stephanie won’t quit her job as GM despite what Vince wants so we’re having this match to make her do it. Vince is also sleeping with Sable so Linda is in her corner. This story has dominated Smackdown in recent months and has been turned into the most melodramatic feuds in wrestling history. Thrown in Stephanie’s acting “abilities” and you know how well that’s going to go.

Vince McMahon vs. Stephanie McMahon

Sable and Linda are the seconds. Vince has to make her say I Quit while Stephanie can win by pinfall or submission. Vince jumps her from behind so Stephanie jumps on her back and screeches a lot. Just in case this wasn’t going to feel long enough already. That’s enough offense from Stephanie, who gets thrown down by the hair with Vince saying she could have quit. Some shoulders in the corner have Stephanie acting like she was shot.

Sable gets in a slap, triggering a chase from Linda which is begging for the Benny Hill theme. Vince gets in Linda’s way and then clotheslines Stephanie again, which is treated as the biggest, most brutal thing ever. We hit the half crab and Stephanie screams like she’s in labor. Stephanie bites her way out of a double arm crank so Sable grabs a pipe, triggering the “catfight” with Linda. A low blow into a rollup (Cole: “WE’VE GOT HIM!”) gives Stephanie two but she can’t hit him with the pipe.

She finally does and Cole lets out a “COME ON GIRL!” but Vince gets his foot on the rope. Another low blow into another rollup gets two and it’s time for the announcers to play cheerleaders. Vince chokes her down and gets in a pipe shot to the ribs, prompting Cole to say Vince outweighs her by 200lbs. So is Stephanie 63lbs or is Vince over 300? Vince chokes with the pipe but Stephanie won’t quit (well duh) so Linda throws in the towel to save her daughter. I’m kind of stunned that this was so short (just shy of ten minutes) as I easily could have seen that being doubled.

Rating: F. Just read any part of this and you’ll get why this was a failure. This was one of the dumbest storylines WWE has ever put together (and consider the competition on that list) and somehow managed to be all about making Stephanie look awesome. These four need to go far, far away for a long time and never speak of anything here again. I never need to hear about Stephanie again and I’m kind of glad the family is destroyed FOREVER (yes FOREVER you see) so they won’t bother trying to get back together again.

Vince shoves Linda down and leaves with Sable. Stephanie gets the big sendoff because of all that hard work she’s done. Like kissing Eric Bischoff, signing Mr. America without knowing who he was, treating Zach Gowen like the world’s biggest charity case and being CLOTHESLINED BY HER FATHER!

The announcers act like they saw an orphanage burn to the ground and puppies used as crash dummies.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. John Cena. John wants to make a name for himself so he rapped about Angle a lot. Kurt did his own few raps and promised to teach him a wrestling lesson.

Kurt Angle vs. John Cena

Cena does his usual gay joke rap before the match. With that out of the way (and the chain laid in the corner), Angle headlocks him to the mat to start. Cena reverses into one of his own and we hit the dueling chants, allowing Cole to talk about Cena’s street cred. Back up and Angle flips him off, earning a hard clothesline to take him down again. A hard running shoulder in the corner rocks Cena again though as this is back and forth so far.

Another shoulder hits post though and Cena gets all fired up, including a running clothesline in the corner. We hit a double chickenwing on the mat and then a front facelock as the pace slows considerably. Back up and a spinebuster (way too common of a move on this show) allows Cena to go up, only to have Angle dropkick him in the shin on the way down. An ankle lock attempt sends Cena scurrying for the ropes so Angle adds a baseball slide.

Kurt does his insane tease of a German suplex off the apron but Cena, fearing a bad case of death, DDT’s him onto the apron to escape. Back in and the Throwback gives Cena two but he gets rolled with the German suplexes. It’s Cena’s turn to pop back up, this time with knees to the head and a buckle bomb of all things for two. The FU and Angle Slam get two each and it’s chain time. The referee actually pays attention for once and takes it away, leaving Cena to hit him with the gold medals for two instead. Back up and another FU is countered into the ankle lock for the tap.

Rating: B. I liked this one quite a bit with some nice work, though Cena going over was the logical play here. The “he earned respect” argument only works for so long and Cena is getting to the point where he really needs a big win. The match was entertaining though and Cena looked good, though Angle kicking out of the FU didn’t do him much good. Not bad, but Cena needs to do something soon.

We recap Big Show vs. Eddie Guerrero. I’ll spare you the details and go with burritos, sewage and a destroyed low rider. Sounds serious, right?

US Title: Big Show vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie, with a taped up back after Thursday, is defending and Show wastes no time sending him hard into the corner. The champ is right back with a neck snap over the top rope but Show sends him back first into the corner again. Eddie gets creative by throwing in a chair before switching over to some kicks to the knee.

The bad back is sent into the post though and Show launches him over the top to take it back inside. They’re doing a good job of making Show look like the dominant monster but I have a bad feeling of where this is going. We hit the trash talk with Show slowly dragging Eddie around the ring. Eddie manages to send him into an exposed turnbuckle though and a frog splash crossbody gets two.

That’s enough for a ref bump (well duh) so Eddie pulls out some brass knuckles for a knockout shot and two. A title shot to the head knocks Show even sillier and the frog splash….gets two. Show gets the same off a spinebuster (ok enough already) so Eddie kicks him low and grabs a DDT. He can’t follow up though and it’s a chokeslam to give Show the title as the arena deflates.

Rating: D. Eddie was trying as hard as he could but when a brass knuckles shot, a belt shot and the frog splash can’t put Show away, there’s not much more Eddie can do. Show isn’t someone I ever need to see get a push like this or of any kind really, and I certainly hope that Eddie gets the momentum back because he’s been so entertaining as of late.

Post match Chavo comes in to yell at Eddie for losing.

Big Show says no one can beat him because he is, in fact, a giant.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker. Vince turned Brock evil and Undertaker wants to set things right. Then he decided he loved chains for some reason so we’re getting a chain on a pole match.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker

Brock is defending and the chain is on a pole in the corner. Undertaker misses a right hand in the corner to start and Lesnar seems to be running early on. Another miss lets Brock unload in the corner and Old School is blocked. A shoulder goes into the post though and Undertaker hits a big boot and legdrop for two. So the chain can be completely ignored? Now Old School connects and Undertaker grabs la majistral of all things for two more. They head outside with Brock kneeing him in the ribs a few times, followed by a whip into the steps.

Back in and Undertaker strikes away but misses a running boot in the corner. The chain hasn’t been a factor yet, save for some clanking noises here and there. Undertaker gets knocked off the apron and into the barricade so the beating can continue. Back inside again with Undertaker winning a slugout, including a jumping clothesline for two. It’s finally time to go for the chain but the lights go out.

They come back on with nothing changed though Lesnar uses the distraction to grab an electric chair. The steps are thrown in and Undertaker gets sent face first. That’s not enough yet either as Undertaker takes it back outside for a piledriver on the other steps. Rather than go for the win, Undertaker goes for the chain but comes back down with a triangle choke over the ropes instead. A low blow and steps to the head give Lesnar two and it’s time for another slugout as this just keeps going.

Undertaker gets the better of it but his chokeslam is countered into a spinebuster for two. A short armscissors is reversed with a powerbomb so Undertaker switches to the Dragon Sleeper. That’s reversed into the F5 for two so Brock goes up. This time it’s a chokeslam off the top for a HUGE crash but the freaking FBI runs in for the save before Undertaker can go for the chain.

The Last Ride (nearly into the corner so Undertaker has to pull it back a bit) drops Lesnar and it’s a Taker Dive onto the FBI. Nunzio gets knocked away from the chain and Undertaker FINALLY gets the chain. Cue Vince to crotch Undertaker on the top, allowing Lesnar to chain Undertaker in the head. The F5 FINALLY retains the title.

Rating: D+. It was a half decent power match that was crippled by both the length and all the shenanigans. You really could have made this into a regular match or a street fight as the chain wasn’t a factor until the last two minutes. The problem here though is the time as it ran nearly twenty five minutes, or at least eight minutes longer than it needed. With no drama on the chain until the end, there wasn’t much to see other than slow brawling. Not terrible, but not the way this should have gone.

Vince runs away to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. There’s good stuff in here to keep it from being a disaster or a horrible show but the two main events are a combination of terrible and way too long, which is too much to overcome. Hopefully this is the end of this era as they really need to change a lot of stuff up around here. Find something fresh to work with because the McMahons are so horribly played out and Brock needs a new challenger. Maybe Survivor Series can help because this show was pretty bad.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: October 16, 2003
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for No Mercy and….yeah I’m having some issues getting fired up for this one. The battling McMahons are out of control at this point and hopefully it ends on Sunday. Other than that, maybe we can find out what a Biker Chain match is because no one but Undertaker seemed to know last week. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

Earlier today, Stephanie gave a sitdown interview talking about how sad she was to not be on the show tonight when it could be her last night. Vince is mean you see.

Opening sequence.

Cole: “Tonight! A powerful, emotional interview with STEPHANIE MCMAHON!” Yes that’s really what they’re leading with tonight.

Here’s Kurt Angle to John Cena’s music and in Cena gear. Angle: “Yo yo yo yo kill the beat.” Kurt, speaking as Cena, rhymes about winning the battle rap and various gay jokes. Naturally Cole and Tazz find this HILARIOUS, though Angle doing Cena’s mannerisms actually is funny. The challenge is issued and Angle explains the joke of the rap, including holding the mic in the air so the crowd could finish the joke.

Angle’s music hits….and here’s a mini Angle. Ah ok so it’s comedy time. Again: Cole and Tazz are in stitches over this. Angle calls the mini version half the man that he is and does you can’t see me. Cole: “I love that.” Mini Kurt takes the mic and calls Cena (as in Kurt) a wiener, sending big Angle out to the floor. Back in and Mini Kurt gets an ankle lock so Big Kurt has to tap. This brings out the real Cena but Mini Kurt hits him low, allowing the real one to hit the Angle Slam. Much longer than it needed to be and the jokes weren’t exactly funny. Kurt was of course, but that’s the case almost every time.

Chris Benoit vs. Doug Basham

No Shaniqua in sight and suddenly I’m taking the Bashams much more seriously. Doug tries to go technical for some reason and has to bail out of a Crossface attempt. A hard whip into the corner has Doug in more trouble and Benoit sends him outside, only to miss a dive. Back in and Doug stays on the neck with some legdrops and a hard drop onto the buckle. A top rope legdrop misses though and it’s time for the comeback. Danny throws a chair in but Benoit dropkicks it into Doug’s face, only to have Twin Magic cause the Swan Dive to miss. Not that it matters as the Crossface is good for the win.

Rating: C. It really is amazing how much better the Bashams are with no Shaniqua out there. It’s a dumb gimmick for a team that isn’t very good in the first place so how good can they be? Benoit beating them both is fine as it’s not like the team has any value at this point anyway. Just keep Shaniqua away and they can get better.

Post match A-Train comes in to take Benoit out until referees break it up.

Another clip of the Stephanie interview shows her crying over Vince attacking her. Good grief after everything he did to her in 1999 this is tame.

It’s time for the full interview with Cole thanking her for taking the time, because Stephanie is so opposed to being on camera. She talks about Vince wanting to take away her opportunity to thank the Smackdown fans and locker room for their support. Who actually supports Stephanie? Cole: “Is the McMahon Family normal?”

As I try to get the image of Cole dressed like Oprah out of my head, Stephanie says this is the only family she’s known. Stephanie: “I love this business. It’s the business that my father, my grandfather and my great grandfather created.” Cole wants to focus on Stephanie for a second. THEN WHAT HAVE WE BEEN DOING FOR THE WHOLE INTERVIEW??? After Stephanie says some would consider Vince to be wrestling, it’s time to talk about how awesome Linda is as a mom.

As for Stephanie, yeah she was spoiled as a child but she wasn’t handed her job. There’s definitely some of Vince in her (not as much as he’d probably like) but she wants to be different than him. Stephanie starts crying because she never thought it would come to this. She goes into the story of being clotheslined and slammed, making it sound like the most devastating thing in the world. If the match happens, Vince won’t walk her down the aisle or get to see his grandchildren. After all of this though, she still loves her dad but doesn’t like him. That’s enough for her as she walks out in tears.

This wasn’t so much terrible as much as it was…..stupid. Ignoring all of the history between the two of them, the fact that Stephanie is freaking out and acting like her world has been shattered because someone DARED to lay a finger on her is laughable. She’s destroyed because Vince McMahon, the guy who allowed Undertaker to kidnap her and attempt to marry her in a black wedding ceremony for the sake of getting the WWF Title off of Steve Austin, slammed her?

This is after she talked about getting whatever she wanted as a child because she’s the son of a billionaire. This is the character we’re supposed to sympathize with and support? All because she doesn’t want to quit the job that she was handed (by her father of course) because she’s a big girl and can handle herself after being on the job for all of sixteen months?

The acting was laughably bad too but above all else, it was how over the top serious Stephanie treated this. I get that it’s a dramatic story but given the history between the two, a slam and a clothesline aren’t exactly worth getting upset about. Just a dumb segment here that you can’t take seriously if you’re above about eight years old.

Back in the arena, Tazz takes his glasses off as he and Cole talk about this in the most serious terms.

Jamie Noble and Nidia are talking Vince and Stephanie with Nidia taking her side. Jamie agrees because this place would be better without Vince. Tajiri overhears and runs off to tell Vince. As a result, Jamie has to face Tajiri tonight. So now, not only is Vince vs. Stephanie dominating the show, but a champion is being put in a match over whose side he’s on in the feud.

Jamie Noble vs. Tajiri

Non-title. Jamie starts in on the arm as Tazz wonders why he’s not going after the leg to weaken the kicks. Well no one ever accused Jamie of being smart. That’s enough analysis so let’s talk about what kind of a mood Stephanie must be in. Tajiri starts in on the leg but gets caught in a swinging neckbreaker to put both guys down. A powerslam gets two on Tajiri with Cole thinking Jamie wants to stick it to Vince. Tajiri’s powerbomb is countered into a hurricanrana over the top so Tajiri goes after the title. Nidia pulls it away, only to have the black mist go into her eyes. She freaks out so badly that the match is thrown out.

Rating: C-. And this is why the cruiserweights mean as little as they do. Tajiri is the Cruiserweight Champion and coming up on a major title defense but instead of talking about that, it’s about whether or not Jamie Noble wants to show up Vince. Not only does that not make sense, but it’s the best they can do with the Cruiserweight Champion. All for the sake of pushing Stephanie vs. Vince. Nice job guys.

Nidia gets her eyes cleaned out so Jamie calls Tajiri back to the ring for a fight. There’s no Tajiri so Jamie goes up the ramp….and gets mauled by Brock Lesnar. That’s your treatment for acting serious for a change. Jamie gets laid out with an F5 on the floor and Brock sneers at him.

If that’s not enough, here are Vince and Sable to congratulate Brock on his handiwork. Vince calls what Stephanie did earlier a performance but it’s true that she hates him. Stephanie stopped loving him a long time ago but Vince understands the meaning of true love. He loves Stephanie so much that he’ll hurt her on Sunday. At No Mercy, he won’t be sparing the rod with his daughter.

As for the fans, they want to be like Vince but aren’t willing to work for it. They would rather win the lottery while Vince reached down and took what was his. Stephanie has the same chance of winning as people here do of winning the lottery. He’s been asked what he’ll do to Stephanie and the thought scared him. May God have mercy on Stephanie’s soul because Vince certainly won’t.

Sable is proud to be in Vince’s corner and proud to stand by him. Linda has forgotten what it takes to satisfy a genuine American icon and OH MY GOODNESS GET ON WITH IT ALREADY! She brags about being able to satisfy every sexual craving Vince has before kissing him to wrap things up.

I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen a story this insufferable. We’re over an hour into this show and well over half of that time has been spent on this one story. I’m sure Vince and Stephanie think this is the greatest thing ever but I don’t think I want to know who else finds this nonsense interesting. Now please, talk about ANYTHING else for the rest of the show.

Video on a European tour.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rhyno

Non-title, which Cole emphasizes at least twice, along with saying what a big chance it is for Rhyno. A test of strength has Eddie in early trouble and his comeback is cut off by a clothesline. There’s a good looking spinebuster (Rhyno was always good at those) for two and a gorilla press gutbuster for the same as Rhyno stays on the ribs. For some reason Rhyno goes for one of the titles and gets caught with a dropkick for his efforts. The rolling vertical suplexes put Rhyno down but the frog splash hits knees. Tazz: “Rhyno hitting possum! How can a rhino be a possum?”

Back from a break with Eddie caught in a Sharpshooter for a long time until he fights up and grabs the leg for the escape. It’s time for the comeback with Eddie hitting a jumping leg lariat and a slingshot hilo but the bad back slows him down. That’s how you keep a story going through a match and Eddie is as good as anyone at selling the thing.

Rhyno catches him on top and hits a superplex but Eddie is right back up with a super hurricanrana for two of his own. A toss sends Eddie outside though and he unhooks his boot. Instead of an injury though, Eddie steals the ring bell hammer and loads it into his boot. Back in and a quick ref bump allows Eddie to throw Rhyno the hammer. That and a boot shot to the head are enough for the pin.

Rating: B. The rib work was good (setting up the Gore throughout the match) and as usual, Eddie was in a pure showcase here with more brilliance. He’s the best thing in WWE right now and it’s turned into a treat to watch him. This was a lot of fun and just a great example of how to turn something that shouldn’t have mattered into a good match.

Post match here’s Big Show with a pipe to destroy both Eddie and the low rider. Eddie’s back is cut up by the glass and a powerbomb onto the hood makes it a lot worse. Show isn’t done and chokeslams him onto the top of the truck. Good segment, but they lost me with the burritos and sewage.

Rey Mysterio vs. Johnny Stamboli

Just be glad that Rey isn’t a Vince fan to balance things out. Palumbo and Nunzio are sent to the back so Rey can headscissor Stamboli down in peace. A backbreaker cuts Rey off and we’re in a chinlock less than a minute in. Rey gets tied in the Tree of Woe but s still able to pull himself up to avoid a charge into the post. Another backbreaker cuts Rey down as Stamboli is still looking for the offense to go with looking like a shrunken A-Train. Stamboli hits a third backbreaker (come on already) but his gorilla press is countered into a hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: D. Was Stamboli the last person in catering? They couldn’t trot Shannon Moore out there for this match instead? Rey and the Cruiserweight Title are being sent to the back burner here and it’s getting sad at this point. Mysterio deserves better than this but for some reason Ultimate Dragon is sitting on the sidelines. Such is life in WWE.

Matt Hardy gives Shannon Moore a framed picture when Jon Heidenreich comes in. He asks Matt to give his highlight tape to Stephanie, but Matt says she won’t be GM much longer. Matt promises to take care of it and throws the tape away after Heidenreich leaves.

PPV rundown. It’s not bad until you get to the real main event.

Undertaker is in the back and explains the Biker Chain match: it’s a chain on a pole match, which is the oldest form of combat known to man. He’s more ready to be champion than ever before….and now let’s talk about Stephanie! Undertaker hopes otherwise but thinks it’s going to be a long night for our lovely boss. Cue Lesnar with some chain shots before wrapping it around Undertaker’s neck and dragging him away.

Back with Lesnar dragging him to the ring and Undertaker getting in some right hands. That earns him a whip into the steps and more choking from Brock. Undertaker gets choked over the corner but manages to kick Lesnar in the face. They get in and an F5 is countered with Undertaker choking a swell. Brock hits him low but gets caught in a very high chokeslam. The threat of another chain show sends Lesnar bailing to end the show. The match’s gimmick is a mess but this was at least a nice brawl to set it up.

Overall Rating: D. They did a nice job of setting up No Mercy but there’s no way around all the McMahon stuff. It’s weighing everything down and making the show almost unwatchable. Stephanie is suddenly a horribly abused woman who is just fighting the good fight and standing on her own two feet. It’s not good, it’s not well written, it’s not well acted and it’s not worth watching.

The rest of the show was actually pretty good from a storytelling perspective, though the wrestling was hit and miss. I do kind of want to see the pay per view but I want to get through that Vince vs. Stephanie match as fast as I can. The problem is that story dominates the show and until it’s over, there’s no way to make this show good.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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This is what happens when a Thought of the Day gets out of hand.

https://wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-know-audience/

Smackdown
Date: October 9, 2003
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

With less than two weeks to No Mercy, the question becomes how can we find more time to talk about Vince and Stephanie. That story dominated last week’s show and has done so for months now. At least we’re heading towards their pay per view blowoff and that means we might be free soon enough. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s Vince/Stephanie segment with Vince demanding that she quit (again) and Stephanie saying no (again) and getting in a fight with Sable (again).

Opening sequence.

Here’s Linda McMahon with the always awesome old school Wrestlemania theme music. She knows people are used to the McMahon Family drama but then Shane wrecked a limo with Kane inside. The week before that, Vince slammed Stephanie in the middle of this ring. Now there’s an I Quit match at No Mercy so maybe she can talk some sense into Stephanie. You know you can’t let Stephanie have that much attention without her being here in person so here she is.

She’s not going to back down and let Vince win….so here’s Vince because of course we need all of them out here. Vince talks about giving Stephanie a chance to get out of this match last week but now he wouldn’t let her out of it if she got on her knees and begged her. She’s made him brutalize her but he’ll do it with a clear conscience. His soul will be cleansed because he’s being forced to do it, just like Linda forced him to sire a second child. Linda says this match isn’t fair and asks what Vince is putting up. After a little goading, Vince puts up his Chairman spot to even things up.

We’re still not done though as Sable comes out with Vince calling her voluptuous. He introduces her to Linda and Sable rubs his chest while announcing she’ll be in Vince’s corner at No Mercy. Linda isn’t surprised because Sable will offer her services to anyone. Sable slaps Linda so Stephanie jumps her, only to get clotheslined by Vince. That’s your fifteen minute opening, because last year’s great wrestling show needed to be turned into the McMahon Variety Show.

Ultimo Dragon vs. Tajiri

Non-title and Rey Mysterio, announced as the #1 contender for No Mercy, is on commentary. Tajiri grabs a wristlock to start but the handspring elbow is broken up with a kick to the back. The Asai moonsault mostly misses and they head back inside. Dragon grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but Tajiri hits a Michinoku Driver for two of his own. The Tarantula is broken up and Rey talks about using these same counters. Makes sense. Not that it matters as the Buzzsaw kick ends Dragon in short order.

Rating: C-. Nothing wrong with this one as Tajiri gets some momentum heading into the title match. I liked Rey actually talking about what he could get out of doing commentary as most of the time it’s just a way to advance a story. You can do that after the match while also making it seem like there’s a reason to be out there in the first place. I’m still not sure what happened to Dragon though, as he came in and never even got warmed up before being turned into this.

Post match Tajiri kicks Dragon again, drawing Rey in for a 619.

Stephanie has big news: LINDA will be in her corner at No Mercy! That’s so lame I can’t even bother to make fun of it.

Undertaker comes out for a match but first he promises to break Lesnar at No Mercy. Vince is about to send the FBI out here to soften him up but he hasn’t come alone. Undertaker wants us to meet his best friend and pulls out a chain.

Undertaker vs. Chuck Palumbo

Yes the FBI still exists. Undertaker wastes no time in throwing Chuck around and hits an early Old School. Nunzio offers a distraction so Chuck can get in a few shots, only to miss a charge into the post. Another distraction lets Palumbo try a superkick, which is countered into the chokeslam for a fast pin.

Post match Lesnar comes in but Undertaker cleans house with the chain.

Paul London interrupts Vince and Sable and can’t get a handshake from the boss. He can however get a title match with Lesnar tonight. Didn’t we do this with Spanky earlier this year?

Big Show shoves a burrito into the face of some guy at catering.

Zach Gowen is back. Egads good for him.

Big Show vs. Orlando Jordan

Rematch from last week when Show’s burritos gave him some issues. The announcers discuss Show’s body fat as he throws Jordan around with ease. A dropkick to the back annoys Show so much that he clotheslines Jordan’s head off. Show boots him in the face and finishes with a chokeslam in short order.

In the back, Eddie says of course he’s nervous about Big Show chasing after him. The thing is, he has some cousins around here and if Show does get some revenge, it’s going to be a very stinky situation. Eddie compares this to Jack and the Beanstalk but Big Show jumps him and kicks the heck out of Eddie’s ribs.

We look at John Cena using a chain to beat Kurt Angle last week.

Tazz is emceeing a battle rap between Angle and Cena. It’s Cena out first to say Angle has less street cred than Michael Cole. Now those are fighting words. Cole: “I’ve got some street cred!” After Angle comes out, Cena goes first and raps his usual string of insults: Angle couldn’t win a bronze in the Special Olympics, he has no testicles, and….something that Angle cuts him off which sounded like foul language.

Angle praises the rapping skills and tells a story in rhyme, talking about how Cena thinks he’s black, threatening Cena if he uses the chain again (or a-gain as the story goes) and promising to make Cena tap. That’s enough for the fight to be on until Cena hits him with the mic. Cena gets in a few kicks tot he ribs but Angle rolls some German suplexes. The thread of an ankle lock sends Cena bailing. Fine segment, though it was no “I’m just a sexy Kurt, I’ll make your ankle hurt!”

Video on Zach Gowen.

Zach Gowen vs. Shannon Moore

Matt Hardy, who is not afraid to eat alone in public and likes portabella mushrooms, is on commentary. Moore puts him on top and gets kicked in the face, followed by another kick for two. Matt: “I may be going out on a limb here, one limb in particular, but Zach Gowen doesn’t impress me as a wrestler.” A suplex into the corner takes Gowen down and it’s off to a chinlock.

Back up and a springboard kick to the face drops Moore, followed by a swinging neckbreaker. Hardy offers a distraction and Moore gets two off a rollup. Gowen grabs a DDT but Matt shoves Gowen off the top (the referee seems fine with the idea that Gowen just dove down onto his back for no apparent reason), setting up Shannon’s running flip neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: D. And that’s a Zach Gowen match: he does fairly impressive moves and the announcers talk about how amazing it is. It still has the exact same problem as always though: if you’ve seen it once, there’s not much appeal to seeing it again. Now that I’ve seen it for several months now, I’m really over it as the action is nothing above an independent level and the commentary beating the idea into my head gets really old.

Undertaker leaves Stephanie’s office and laughs.

No Mercy rundown. The card isn’t too bad but that double main event is death.

We recap the opening segment and Linda sneering still isn’t intimidating.

Chris Benoit/APA vs. Basham Brothers/A-Train

Hang on a second as the Bashams chair the APA down, leaving Faarooq down in the aisle and making this a handicap match. This must be the start of transitioning Faarooq out as it’s the second time in a few weeks where Bradshaw has wrestled and Faarooq hasn’t for one reason or another.

The double teaming is on with Bradshaw getting taken apart, including a Vader Bomb from A-Train as Faarooq is taken out. Danny grabs a chinlock but A-Train misses another splash, allowing the hot tag to Benoit. A-Train takes a German suplex and the Sharpshooter makes Danny tap but he’s not legal. The referee says no and it’s A-Train hitting the Derailer for the pin.

Rating: D+. I know I’ve said this a lot tonight but that’s another match where it went as you would expect. A-Train pinning Benoit when he had an advantage was fine, but it’s still setting up A-Train vs. Benoit on pay per view. This also seems to be setting up Bradshaw’s singles run and….egads.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Paul London

Paul, who is challenging, doesn’t even get an entrance. Brock actually says he respects London for coming out here but gets cut off by the YOU TAPPED OUT chants. He offers London a chance to look at the title, which he might get to hold himself one day. London does touch is and gets a hard clothesline as the beating begins in a hurry. Powerslams and a powerbomb set up the F5 to destroy London in less than ninety seconds. In case you didn’t get the idea when he did this to Gowen and Spanky earlier this year.

Post match Brock loads up the F5 into the post but Spanky runs out for the failed save attempt. Lesnar throws him back first into the post for a great looking bump. Cue Undertaker to say Stephanie has made their match at No Mercy a biker chain match. That’s all we hear and the announcers are left wondering what the heck that is. Good thing Undertaker decided he liked chains earlier in the night.

We look back at Big Show attacking Eddie earlier.

Chavo Guerrero leaves the trainer’s room and says Eddie is pretty banged up. He’s going to call Big Show out.

Post break Chavo is in the ring calling Show out. Here’s Show in a suit to say he’s hitting the town. Oh dear I’m scared of where this is going. Chavo says he’s chicken and that’s actually enough to get a match started. Who knew Big Show was a Marty McFly fan?

Big Show vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo rolls outside and it’s a countout at about forty five seconds.

Chavo isn’t done as he waves a sewage truck out with Eddie riding on the back. For some reason, Big Show stands in the ring which Eddie talks about his cousin bringing this truck to the arena. Eddie talks about the hose on the truck that you put in the ground to pull out all the….well you know. He’s going to spray it on Show, who FINALLY gets out of the ring and runs away, only to trip over a cord. Eddie sprays him down a few times and Big Show falls down multiple times to end the show. Counting the stuff before the break, this was the last fifteen minutes of the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh man that was awful. The show started with a fifteen minute McMahon summit and then ended with a fifteen minute segment built around spraying Big Show with human waste. In between, there was something about Undertaker discovering a love of chains, a battle rap, and some short squashes. That’s how they’re going to make us want to see a pay per view featuring the battling McMahons and something called a biker chain match. This was a total misfire and one of the worst Smackdowns I can ever remember.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: October 2, 2003
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Somehow we’re less than three weeks away from No Mercy but as luck would have it we already have a double main event. In this case it’s Vince McMahon vs. his daughter Stephanie in an I Quit match and Brock Lesnar defending the Smackdown World Title against Undertaker. This isn’t exactly the most thrilling stuff in the world but guess which one is going to get the most attention. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

Opening sequence, still including Sean O’Haire. I don’t remember the last time he was even on this show.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Matt Hardy

Matt, who has had four speeding tickets but gotten out of over twenty of them, is challenging. Eddie is ticked off at Matt for injuring his ribs last week so the stomping is on in a hurry. A shoulder puts Matt down but bangs up Eddie’s ribs all over again. Eddie gets dropped ribs first onto the top rope and Matt starts in like a villain should.

Matt plants him with a powerbomb for two and the Side Effect gets the same. A bow and arrow hold is countered into a neckbreaker and Eddie gets a breather. Three Amigos connect as Tazz is talking about Mexican hockey teams. Matt is ready for the frog splash though and brings Eddie down with a superplex.

A neckbreaker cuts Eddie down again but Matt would rather distract Chavo, allowing Shannon to come in with a title. This is what happens when you let lackeys run wild. Naturally Eddie takes it away and throws the title to Matt while feigning innocence. The referee gets rid of that belt but Chavo hits Matt with the other one because cheating is a family business. The frog splash retains the title.

Rating: C+. The endings might be a bit unoriginal but you try turning down that grin. Eddie had so much charisma that it’s almost impossible to not like him at least on some level and that’s what worked so well here. I could watch Eddie do this stuff for hours and the wrestling working so well helped too. Eddie has been the best thing about the last several shows and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Video on Wrestlemania tickets going on sale.

John Cena got annoyed at Josh Matthews for talking about “dope rhymes”. Tonight, Cena puts Angle in his shadow.

Eddie and Chavo run into Big Show and ask him about him attacking Eddie last week. Show doesn’t like “Eddie’s kind”, but he does like Mexican food. He shoves Eddie down and Chavo isn’t happy with the lack of Latino heat. Eddie is going to take care of this Guerrero style.

APA vs. Basham Brothers

It’s a brawl to start and of course the APA gets the better of it, easily clearing out the ring. Faarooq beats both of them up on his own before it’s off to Bradshaw for chops and a Last Call on Doug. Shaniqua offers a distraction though and Danny posts Bradshaw to take over. As usual, Shaniqua comes off like the star of the team, completely defeating the purpose of her being out there. Bradshaw suplexes his way out of a chinlock and it’s back to Faarooq for the house cleaning. The referee gets bumped (In this match?) so Shaniqua kicks Bradshaw in the face, leaving Faarooq to take the Ball and Gag for the pin.

Rating: D. Again, I’d like to point out that I’m supposed to be interested in a team whose finishing move is called the Ball and Gag. There are times where a gimmick is going to kill yo before you can do anything else and that’s what’s happened with the Bashams. I have no idea why they spent so much time down in developmental to be given this treatment on the main roster, but it shows the disconnect between the two places.

Post match, Bradshaw hits Shaniqua with the Clothesline. Again: she’s treated like a more important deal than the team she’s managing.

Chris Benoit vs. Charlie Haas

A-Train is on commentary. As you might expect, it’s a grappling exchange to start with neither being able to get much of an advantage on the mat. Charlie’s hammerlock is reversed into a wristlock as A-Train rants about Benoit not being able to get him in the Crossface. Benoit headlocks him down and does it again when Charlie tries to get up. It’s too early for the Crossface though and Benoit is sent outside.

A-Train actually does something by offering a distraction, allowing Haas to baseball slide Benoit down. Haas starts in on the ribs with a gutbuster before a clothesline gets two. Something like an abdominal stretch with Benoit on the mat keeps the ribs in trouble as A-Train continues to have nothing interesting to say. Some kicks to the ribs set up a normal standard abdominal stretch as Benoit just can’t get anything going.

A single German suplex rocks Charlie but he takes Benoit right back down to continue the wrestling clinic. Benoit finally gets in a clothesline and the release German suplex is good for two. Haas is right back with a suplex of his own, dropping Benoit on his head in a scary landing. Not that it matters as Benoit slaps on the Crossface, drawing A-Train in for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Haas is someone who sticks to a game plan very well as his finisher works the ribs so he beats on the opponent’s ribs for the entire match. What’s not all well and good is A-Train talking. He looks like a monster and wrestles a monster style, but egads he doesn’t need to be out there talking. It’s just not something he’s good at and him saying these really lame limes for the whole match didn’t make me want to see them fight. Stick to what people are good at and stop trying to wedge them into places where they don’t fit.

Post match A-Train puts Benoit in a Crossface of his own.

Here are Vince and Sable for their weekly segment as Cole tries to explain why Vince vs. Stephanie is still going. Tazz thinks it’s all a way to get Stephanie to quit. What gave you that idea Tazz? All the times where he ordered her to quit? Vince talks about everyone needing an opportunity to be forgiven for making a mistake, which brings him to Stephanie. She needs to reverse her decision to have Brock Lesnar defend the title against Undertaker and then quit immediately.

Cue Stephanie (nearly falling out of her top the entire way) to say she won’t do either of those things. Vince ups the ante for No Mercy: when she quits, she’s out of a job too. Stephanie almost begs him not to make the match but Vince goes into a rant about how Stephanie is throwing away all the years of their relationship. He calls what she’s doing defiance and Stephanie starts getting what she considers emotional.

Sable reminds Vince of what he called Stephanie last week so Stephanie tells her to go lay on her back in the men’s locker room like she does best. The catfight is on until Vince slams Stephanie, who starts crying. Undertaker comes out for the save and kicks fellow invader Brock Lesnar in the face as more crying ensues.

So quick recap of this story: we’re supposed to be on the side of and feel sympathy for the rather good looking (and surgically enhanced) millionaire heiress who is being told to quit her vanity job by the father who caused her to be a millionaire heiress in the first place? Oh and after EVERYTHING that Vince has done to people over the years (and that Stephanie has done to people over the years for that matter), a single slam is supposed to be this big, devastating moment? And this is their best idea?

A very stereotypical Mexican delivery guy (complete with a brightly colored blanket and a sombrero with MEXICO written on it) shouts about a delivery of burritos for Eddie. Big Show intercepts them and eats one before spitting in another, which is especially for Eddie. The delivery guy has no issue with any of this.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is defending. Kidman accidentally runs into the referee to start (not something you see very often) but manages to hurricanrana the champ out to the floor. That means a big dive as things are starting fast. Back in and Kidman’s slingshot is countered with a kick to the shoulder and Tajiri takes over. Tajiri starts in on the arm with a hammerlock and some knees as Tazz talks about the importance of intensity.

Another kick to the shoulder set s up another hammerlock as this isn’t exactly what you would expect from Tajiri. Kidman comes back with an enziguri for two but Tajiri kicks him out of the air (that’s more like it) to take Kidman down again. The BK Bomb gets two and Kidman ducks the Buzzsaw Kick, only to get caught with a low blow. Now the Buzzsaw Kick connects to retain the title.

Rating: C. The arm work was a nice change for Tajiri and it made for a fun match. The cruiserweight division isn’t the most interesting in the world right now but at least the talent still around is putting on some good to very good matches. That being said, what in the world happened to Ultimo Dragon? He’s still doing dark matches and Velocity, but that might be a record for the fastest fall from grace I can remember in a long time. It was like two weeks.

Orlando Jordan vs. Big Show

Show comes to the ring holding his stomach and seems to have some issues after kicking Jordan in the ribs. A clothesline puts Jordan down but Show bails to the floor and takes the countout due to stomach issues. Cole after the countout: “The burritos having a negative effect on Big Show!” Thirty seconds later: “What is wrong with Big Show???”

Zach Gowen joins us live via satellite and says he’s tired of being asked how he’s doing. He knows wrestling is for him and he’s back in the ring next week.

We now join Big Show in the bathroom with various sound effects. Eddie comes in and admits that he spiked the burritos, knowing that Show would steal them. He also steals the toilet paper because COMEDY! So to recap: a few weeks ago, Eddie was in a great fight with Cena inside a ring of cars and then became a double champion. Now it’s toilet humor. Thanks for that WWE.

John Cena/Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle/Undertaker

Cena’s rap says he makes it ok to root for the villain and something about a man dressed as a woman. The fans remind Lesnar that he tapped out as Kurt and Cena start things off. Kurt takes him down without much effort and armdrags Cena into an armbar. One heck of a clothesline gives Angle two and it’s off to Undertaker. The arm cranking continues but Undertaker stops to swing at Lesnar.

The distraction lets Cena poke Angle in the eye and Kurt gets beaten down in the corner. A good looking backdrop puts Cena down though and we take a break. Back with Lesnar firing off shoulders to Kurt’s ribs in the corner as we’re firmly in the tag team formula. Lesnar stomps on Kurt and hits a gorilla press, only to have Angle grab a German suplex. Cena offers a distraction though and the referee misses the ensuing hot tag.

A Shell Shock of all things gives Brock two and a powerslam plants Kurt again. Somehow Kurt is right back up with the Angle Slam and it’s a double knockdown. That’s enough for the hot tag to Undertaker, who comes in with the running corner clotheslines. Brock is thrown to the floor (nearly landing on his head in the process) but still comes back in to break up the cover on Cena. There’s a spinebuster to Undertaker though and it’s back to Angle via the power of Olympic recovery skills. Suplexes a go-go have the villains reeling but Cena grabs the chain to knock Angle cold for the fast pin.

Rating: B-. Pretty solid main event tag here as I’m always a fan of combining two feuds into one for an easy match like this. Cena pinning Angle is the right call as Angle showed he’s dominant with wrestling and playing by the rules but loses when Cena cheats. Undertaker being all fired up doesn’t do much for me but it’s all we’ve got for a co-main event right now.

Post match Lesnar loads up the F5 to put Undertaker through the table but gets reversed, setting a chokeslam through said table to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a show where the wrestling was completely acceptable for the majority of the show but the stuff outside of the matches was dreadful. I mean, spiked burritos and OH NO VINCE MCMAHON DID A WRESTLING MOVE??? We’re coming up on a pretty weak pay per view with the battling McMahons as the real main event but the rest of the show isn’t exactly thrilling either. At least the TV is watchable, which is more than can be said about the episodes of Raw leading up to Unforgiven.

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