http://espn.go.com/mma/story/_/id/15961833/brock-lesnar-return-ufc-200-fighter-yet-named

 

Apparently this is part of a deal with WWE so Brock is NOT leaving WWE to do this.  No word on if this is one off or part of a bigger deal.  Also no word on if WWE will get a big UFC name for an appearance in exchange.

Wrestlemania XXXII
Date: April 3, 2016
Location: AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Attendance: 101,763
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton
America the Beautiful: Fifth Harmony

We’ve finally arrived at what might be the biggest show of all time. The attendance record is going to be set tonight (it just is) and the card is……well did I mention that attendance? Yeah the build to this one hasn’t been all that great with a double main event of Roman Reigns challenging HHH for the WWE World Title and Undertaker vs. Shane McMahon inside the Cell with Undertaker’s future at Wrestlemania vs. Shane controlling Raw on the line in a story that stops making sense as soon as you start thinking about it too much. Let’s get to it.

Again I was in the stadium for this so it’s my second time seeing the show but first time seeing the produced version.

The stadium looks nothing short of amazing, despite being mostly empty for the pre-show due to a lot of issues with getting people inside.

Pre-Show: US Title: Kalisto vs. Ryback

Kalisto is defending in this basic big guy vs. little guy feud. We get a nice tale of the tape with Ryback having 4.5 shoe sizes and more than double the bench press. The GOLDBERG chants begin at the bell and Kalisto isn’t sure how to start. A headlock proves to be a really bad idea as Ryback launches him away and easily sends him outside for a crash.

Kalisto comes back in with something like a top rope bulldog for two, followed by a nice fake out on a dive to set up double knees off the apron. Ryback will have none of that and LAUNCHES Kalisto into the air for a big crash as we take a break. Back with Ryback getting two off something we don’t see and a hard back elbow to the jaw gets the same. A running sitout powerslam gets the third straight near fall but Ryback gets a bit too cocky on a very delayed superplex, allowing Kalisto to turn it into a cross body for two.

The champ’s hurricanrana driver gets the same and there’s the corkscrew cross body for good measure. A hard slam has Kalisto in trouble so he tries to head to the corner, only to be pulled back with the turnbuckle pad coming off. You can see the ending coming from here as Kalisto sends him head first into the exposed buckle, setting up the Salida Del Sol for the pin to retain at 8:53.

Rating: C+. Really good choice for the opener here as they did everything they needed to do to get the crowd (well what little crowd they had) going. It’s such a simple idea to have someone smaller beat a big strong guy and they didn’t try to over think things out there. The ending might have been a bit of a stretch but at least Ryback keeps a bit of face after the loss. He needs to win something eventually though and I’m really not wild on having the title match on the pre-show.

Pre-Show: Total Divas vs. Bad and Blonde

This would be Brie Bella/Alicia Fox/Paige/Eva Marie/Natalya vs. Lana/Naomi/Summer Rae/Tamina/Emma in a match with no story worth mentioning because these things never have stories of note. Summer elbows Alicia in the face to start before getting two off a DDT. A tag to Emma draws all ten of them in for a huge staredown as we take a break. Back with Eva coming in to some horrible booing to face Emma. A not bad headscissors puts Emma down but Eva slaps Natalya hard on th\e shoulder instead of tagging Paige.

It’s quickly off to Naomi for those stupid dancing kicks but Paige comes in to play Bret to Natalya’s Anvil in a Hart Attack. Naomi misses a cross body and crashes into the ropes but still tags Emma back in for a wheelbarrow suplex. We finally get the tag to Lana, who started this whole thing by insulting Brie Bella. Somehow we wound up with this instead of whatever they were going for there and that’s probably best for everyone. Lana wrestling with her hair down and wearing basically a one piece swimsuit isn’t bad for anyone either.

Paige gets kicked down and Lana mocks the YES chants before bringing Tamina in. A lot of spot calling results in a broken up Tower of Doom and Paige diving onto the pile for a big crash. There’s still no hot tag though as Emma keeps Paige in the corner and stomps away. Paige finally gets away from Naomi and makes the hot tag to Brie as everything breaks down.

We get the parade of finishers (including Eva’s Sliced Bread #2 being booed halfway out of Texas) until the BRIE MODE knee is blocked by Naomi’s raised boot. The split legged moonsault hits mat (called a knee by Byron), allowing Brie to grab the arm and roll forward into the YES Lock (that looked awesome) for the submission at 11:25.

Rating: D. What were you expecting here? It was a huge mess with a bunch of women who have no idea how to do anything besides spots and barely being able to do those. This probably would have been better as a four person tag or even better as a match between Brie and Lana so there could be an actual story. Lana was fine in the little bit she was in the ring, but you know she’s a long term project. This was little more than a way to get them on the card though and that’s fine all around.

Post match Nikki Bella comes out in ring gear and a neck brace for the big return celebration because we’re supposed to cheer for Nikki and be impressed because of her injury.

Here’s Lita to talk about the history of women’s wrestling and to unveil the new Women’s Title belt which will be awarded to the winner of tonight’s triple threat. Also of note: she calls them superstars instead of Divas, which hopefully is a permanent name change. This is called the first title ever, even though the Women’s Title existed less than eight years ago. Still though it gets rid of that butterfly thing so it’s a step up.

Pre-Show: Usos vs. Dudley Boyz

This is over the Dudleyz not wanting to use tables anymore and trying to protect their legacies as a great team who don’t need weapons. The Dudleyz jump the twins to start with D-Von cranking on Jimmy’s neck and taking his head off with a clothesline. Bubba comes in to shout about beating up the Usos’ dad Rikishi, which Lawler calls a history lesson.

There are the dancing punches but Jimmy superkicks him down, setting up the hot tag to Jimmy. The Dudleyz beat him down too and get in What’s Up, only to have a double superkick break up the table grab. The reverse 3D gets two but Jimmy breaks up the 3D with a superkick. Another good looking superkick is enough to put D-Von away at 5:18.

Rating: C-. This was fine but it didn’t have anywhere near enough time to mean anything. The Usos vs. the Dudleyz should be a very solid match but you can only get so far on five minutes. That being said, neither team has that much of an upside at this point and I really don’t need to see them fight again, especially after this only decent effort.

Post match the Dudleyz get the tables, only to get superkicked again to set up double Superfly Splashes through the tables. The fans are NOT happy with that one.

It’s finally time for the regular show with the crowd mostly filled in. That’s such an amazing visual as the people just keep going and going.

Pop band Fifth Harmony sings a very nice America the Beautiful.

The opening video shows the Madison Square Garden microphone dropping to signify the start of a legend. Over the years this led to a group of legends such as giants, warriors and the dead rising. That brings us to the question of who becomes the next legend. This switches into a standard video about people rising up tonight to become legends in the usually awesome Wrestlemania style. Apparently this was narrated by Kelsey Grammer.

The camera pans around the stadium and that is just a sea of humanity.

Intercontinental Title: Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Miz vs. Zack Ryder vs. Stardust vs. Sin Cara

Owens is defending and this is a ladder match. This started as Owens vs. Zayn but Ziggler and Miz got involved for no worthy reason. Then Owens insulted Stephanie McMahon and you just can’t do that so she added the other three because she felt like it, and that of course trumps anything involving logic or storytelling. Stardust has Dusty inspired polka dots on his gear to make this feel special.

Everyone but Owens bails to the floor to start so it’s time to pose, only to have Zayn come in with a ladder for the big showdown. Ziggler hits Sami in the back with another ladder to take over before slamming Cara onto the ladder for good measure. The ring is cleared out and it’s Miz climbing up but for some reason he doesn’t open it all the way, allowing Sami and Dolph to make the save.

Owens comes back in and backdrops Zayn onto the ladder before shouting at him to go back to NXT. Ryder and Ziggler go up but get shoved down into the ropes for the save. Everyone winds up on the floor (I’m barely skipping anything in between these spots but that’s the case in most multi-man ladder matches.) and Zayn dives through the ladder for the big crash. Sami is right up with the diving DDT over the bottom rope to take out Owens for a huge reaction.

Cara gets back in and tries to go up, only to have Sami shove the ladder over, only to have Cara land on the top rope and flip dive onto everyone else. Ziggler starts busting out superkicks, including tuning up the band for one on Ryder. Owens is too smart enough for that though and it’s a double superkick to put both guys down. Now Stardust pulls out a polka dot ladder for a DUSTY chant and the Terry Funk helicopter spot until Miz breaks it up and hits the Skull Crushing Finale onto said ladder.

Owens will have nothing to do with the goofy ladder but has to block the Helluva Kick. A frog splash onto Zayn onto a bridged ladder have both guys down. Owens is up first though and it’s a Pop Up Powerbomb to drop Miz. Ryder sends Kevin into the ladder and hits a big old elbow drop off the ladder onto Miz for a huge crash.

That’s not enough to get the belt though as Ziggler runs up the ladder for a faceplant off the top to put himself and Ryder down. It’s even worse than that though as Ziggler comes up limping, allowing Owens to powerbomb him off the ladder. Stardust and Owens come back in and it’s Stardust being knocked onto a ladder bridged between the apron and the ring.

After kicking Zayn away, Cara dives through Stardust and through the ladder for a spot we’ve seen way too many times but still works due to the carnage. Owens and Zayn go up top for the slugout on the ladder before falling down, only to have Zayn grab a half and half suplex (half nelson/half tiger) onto the ladder. Miz climbs up but takes forever to pull down the belt, allowing Ryder to shove him off and pull down the title at 15:23.

Rating: B. This was your usually good ladder match but there was a bit too much going on. In other words, there were too many people in the match at the same time and it dragged things down. Ryder winning was a good way to pop the crowd at first but it’s pretty clear that this was supposed to be Neville. Even after the injury though, it certainly was nice of WWE to add even more people to this to make sure it was as messy as possible. Then again it’s a total spot fest and that’s all anyone was expecting it to be. Good choice for an opener at least.

Zack’s dad comes in to help celebrate. Cole says that’s Ryder’s big moment after nearly ten years of futility. That would include a Tag Team Title and the US Title so well done on making your own belts sound worthless.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho. Styles debuted back in January and was immediately cheered by the fans. He then went on to defeat Jericho on Raw, setting up a series of matches between the two. They then formed a tag team but lost in their shot at the Tag Team Titles. Jericho snapped and turned heel on AJ, setting up their fourth match here.

Chris Jericho vs. AJ Styles

They lock up around the ropes to start as the fans are split on who to cheer for. AJ nips up into a headscissors and Jericho throws a chair around in frustration. Back in and they slug it out but Jericho avoids the drop down into the dropkick by holding the ropes. That’s fine with AJ as he clotheslines Jericho outside but dives into a dropkick.

Now we get into the meat of the match as Jericho slows things down and stomps away before putting on a chinlock. That’s quite heelish of him. A dragon sleeper is as well but AJ pops up and does his striking sequence, capped off by a dropkick. Jericho grabs the Walls but AJ is quickly in the ropes and back up with an elbow to the face. AJ goes up top and fights off a superplex attempt, setting up a huge super gordbuster to put both guys down. Now the Walls go on full but AJ crawls through the legs and grabs the calf Crusher to a fairly strong reaction.

That’s escaped as well so AJ tries and failed at both finishers, only to walk into the Codebreaker for a delayed two. Nice job of protecting the finisher there, even though that concept stopped mattering years ago in WWE. A Tesshocker gets two for AJ so he grabs a rollup, only to flip backwards into the Styles Clash for two more (ROAR! THEY TOTALLY KILLED THE STYLES CLASH!!! EVERY TIME SOMEONE KICKS OUT OF A FINISHER IT CAN NEVER BE USED AGAIN!!! ROAR I SAY! Typical response I’ve seen to that near fall and as usual, wrestling fans need to calm down because it means nothing.).

The Lionsault hits knees so AJ gets in the springboard 450 for two. That means it’s time for the Phenomenal Forearm (which is his finisher now, even though people have to keep raving over the Styles Clash, which isn’t even all that great of a move) but Jericho counters into the Codebreaker for the pin at 17:10.

Rating: B. As in bamboozled, which I am over that ending. It was a solid wrestling match going into that last bit and then Jericho won. Why in the world would you have Jericho, who is older and nowhere near what he was before, beat a hot act like Styles here? The match was good but this needed to be the finale of the feud with AJ taking the final win but instead Jericho gets the pin. I really do not get this and I haven’t seen anyone else who has either.

Some celebrities are here.

Maria Menunos is in the back with Zack Ryder, who says he can retire now because this is the match of his life. He talks about meeting Razor Ramon when he was a kid and getting to hold Ramon’s Intercontinental Title. Tonight they’re taking a new picture but this time it’s going to be Razor holding HIS title. That’s a great line, though I can’t imagine Ryder holding the title long.

New Day vs. League of Nations

Non-title and non-handicap due to non-Barrett, despite it being a handicap match on the pre-show. None of that matters though as New Day comes out of a giant box of Bootyo’s dressed as Super Saiyans from Dragon Ball Z. Rusev is now in trunks instead of shorts and the look doesn’t work as well. There isn’t much of a story here other than New Day insulted the League a month or so ago and they’ve feuded ever since. No reason has been given for why this isn’t a title match and I doubt one is ever coming.

Kofi cross bodies Sheamus down to start as Cole says New Day is like the Freebirds. Just….no Michael. Like…..really no. Sheamus easily punches Woods down and it’s off to Del Rio as JBL compares the League to the Horsemen. EVEN MORE NO JBL! Woods gets in a discus forearm to put Alberto down but the running enziguri allows for the tag off to Sheamus.

That means it’s time for the forearms to the chest to the beat of NEW DAY ROCKS. Well to be fair everything else is done to that beat anymore. Woods finally sends Del Rio out to the floor but Sheamus is smart enough to break up the tag attempt. The other partners get in a brawl so Xavier DDTs Sheamus and makes the hot tag to Kofi.

Everything breaks down with Kingston cleaning house, only to have Rusev kick him in the head to break it up. Big E. suplexes Rusev over the apron so E. can spear all three members through the apron for a huge crash. Rusev laying on his back with his eyes open takes this up a step. A top rope double stomp gets two on Sheamus as Del Rio kicks away at Kofi. The double stomp drives Kingston into the floor (and it looks stupid outside too), leaving Barrett to Bull Hammer Woods into the Brogue Kick for the pin at 10:03.

Rating: C-. This is the point where Wrestlemania goes flying off the cliff, leaving us with the hope that it can hang on by its fingertips. New Day is quite possibly the most popular act in wrestling but for some reason they’re jobbing to the heatless wonders. Having AJ lose was one thing but for the life of me I have no idea what they were thinking here. New Day gets the big entrance and then they just lose? That’s the best they’ve got? The match was acceptable enough but the booking just does not make sense.

Post match Barrett says no three men can beat then so here are Shawn Michaels, Mick Foley and Steve Austin (Who just doesn’t fit here. Foley and Michaels are big names but they’re nowhere near Austin in any regard. A third legend would have worked better, though I’m not sure who you would bring in here.) to easily clean house. New Day comes in post beatdown and tries to get the three of them to dance. Michaels is with it of course and Foley has a Dude Love flashback, leaving us with Austin. This goes as badly as you would expect until he dances just a bit, only to Stun Woods a few seconds later. Much beer is consumed.

This was called a burial of the League and I really don’t know where to start with explaining why this is absurd. To begin with, it’s the League of Nations. How far do they have to be put down to bury them? Second, those are three of the biggest names of all time coming in fresh to beat up a team that just had a match. This was a one off moment to give the fans something to cheer for and it’s the highest profile thing the League has ever done. Stop overthinking this stuff every now and then and just enjoy a fun moment.

Ad for upcoming Network shows.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose which is the latest in a series of challengers trying to fight Brock without much of a continuing story. In this case, Lesnar was involved in the triple threat at Fastlane where Reigns pinned Ambrose, setting up this match here so Dean can prove that Brock can’t hurt him. It’s also a street fight to give Dean a realistic (work with me here) chance.

Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose

Heyman, seemingly taken aback by the size of the crowd, handles Brock’s introduction for a nice touch. Brock drives him into the corner to start as is his traditional custom. We get the first suplex, which puts a big 1 on the huge video screens above the ring, which would continue counting throughout the match. We’re already at #3 and it’s all Brock so far. Dean grabs a kendo stick for some shots but Brock knees him away and hits two more Germans.

The fans are split on who to cheer for as Lesnar picks up the stick (JBL: “This is something you would see in Kilimanjaro.” Sure JBL. Sure.) before throwing it away. There’s another suplex before Brock stomps him down even more. Somehow this turns into a discussion of ice cubes in Puerto Rico because JBL and Byron can’t stop having their stupid arguments.

Brock stands on the stick so Dean can’t pick it up, followed by suplex number eight. Some forearms just tick Brock off even more, setting up number nine. Now Brock offers Dean a chance to come get the stick but Brock stands on it again, allowing Dean to hit him low for a hope spot. It never ceases to amuse me that a low blow is the only thing that can really hurt Brock.

Dean finds the chainsaw from Terry Funk which of course doesn’t work because this is wrestling and not a slasher movie. Suplex number ten sends Dean flying on the floor, followed by a belly to belly superplex for number eleven. Dean finally gets in a fire extinguisher blast and some weak chair shots, including a dropkick to drive the chair into Lesnar.

The chair elbow drop gets two but Dean opts to throw in a bunch of chairs instead of, you know, hitting Brock with the one he has. The stupid delay allows Brock to suplex Dean over the chairs but the F5 is countered into a DDT (not) onto the chairs for two. Now it’s time for the baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire but the swing misses (of course), allowing Brock to F5 him onto the chairs for the pin at 13:06.

Rating: D+. The more I think about this match the less I like it. This was just a step above a squash as Lesnar never felt like he was in any danger whatsoever and made Dean look like a very second class talent by comparison. I’m really not sure what the point of these Brock matches are supposed to be these days as he’s just a monster with no purpose other than coming in for the occasional squash. They don’t lead anywhere and are just standalone matches so why is this supposed to be interesting? At least make Brock sweat or something because there was never any drama here.

Flair and Zack Ryder have a WOO off but it turns out to be a Snickers commercial where Ryder takes a bite and turns into Charlotte. So wait: Charlotte is the Intercontinental Champion?

Hall of Fame recap.

We get the Hall of Fame class presentation with Godfather (limited reaction but positive), Stan Hansen (about the same), Big Boss Man (better reaction), Jacqueline (surprisingly decent cheering), Joan Lunden (nothing of note), the Freebirds (roar), Snoop Dogg (reaction was there) and of course Sting with the full entrance and a roar. That’s a solid class but Godfather looks so out of place.

We see Lita debuting the Women’s Title earlier tonight.

The recap video for the Women’s Title match is rather cool as it has a theme of searching for things on the WWE Network, showing the history of the women’s division back in the day, which brought us here to the Divas Revolution. You have Charlotte defending against her former Four Horsewomen partners Becky Lynch, who Charlotte has never defeated and Sasha Banks, who no one has ever beaten. There’s a chance that this could steal the show if they let it be an NXT style match.

Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch

Charlotte, in a robe made from the robe Ric wore in his retirement match, has her dad with her. Sasha, the overwhelming crowd favorite is in Eddie Guerrero style gear here and is introduced by her cousin Snoop Dogg with a custom rap. Charlotte gets chopped down to start but the challengers start trading near falls instead of following up. A nice pinfall reversal sequence ensues until Becky is sent outside, leaving the fans to cheer for Sasha as she stares Charlotte down. An Eddie style armdrag out of the corner sets up the dance but Becky is back in. They botch what was supposed to be a Sasha sunset flip to make Becky suplex Charlotte (hard spot to be fair) so the champ goes outside for a bit. That goes nowhere so Charlotte takes Sasha’s place, only to eat a reverse DDT for two. Charlotte rams Becky’s head into the mat a few times before going in on the knee.

Sasha comes back in but can’t get the double knees in the corner. Instead it’s Becky slapping an armbar on Charlotte until Sasha makes the save, only to have Charlotte send her outside and slap the Figure Eight on Becky. This brings Sasha back in with a frog splash for the save and a nice ovation.

Becky comes back in to suplex Sasha but gets kneed in the chest, only to have her send Sasha through the ropes for a flip dive (Which seemed to be a botch as it looked like her foot caught the top rope.) to take out Charlotte. Becky dives onto Ric for no good reason but the fans lose their minds at the old man getting dropped.

Charlotte is up first and moonsaults down onto both challengers to really get the crowd into it. The announcers are really trying to push this as the dawning of a new era and while I don’t know if I’d go that far, it’s definitely awesome so far. Back in and a double Natural Selection gets two each for Charlotte but Sasha winds up on her shoulders, followed by a missile dropkick from Becky.

The Disarm-Her has Charlotte in trouble but Sasha comes over with the Bank Statement, only to have Charlotte put Sasha in the Figure Four (not Eight). That’s turned over as well but Charlotte reverses the reversal into the Figure Eight. Of course that’s broken up by Becky and all three are down. Charlotte chops both of them from their knees so they pound her down, only to have Becky and Sasha punch each other in the face.

A wicked spear cuts Sasha in half though and Charlotte goes up. That quickly backfires as well though as Sasha gets up, allowing Becky to tie her in the Tree of Woe. A superplex sends Charlotte flying but Sasha gets Becky (and her BADLY bruised eye) in the Bank Statement. Charlotte is right back in for the save though and the Figure Eight makes Becky tap at 16:03 while Flair holds Sasha back.

Rating: B+. They were rocking here and a blown spot or two less would have made this a classic. Above all else this felt like an NXT women’s match instead of a main roster Divas match, which is exactly what the point of this was supposed to be. Hopefully this becomes the focal point of the division instead of all the lame action you get more often than not.

The big criticism here is simple though: it should have been Sasha. If there has ever been a moment perfectly set up for a title change, it was right here. Sasha had the custom entrance, the special tights and the crowd entirely behind her…..and it’s Flair interfering to keep the title on Charlotte, just like it always is. I don’t get this mentality of setting something up for down the road when you’re at Wrestlemania. It didn’t make sense when Lawler lost to Cole and it doesn’t make sense here. Great match though.

Charlotte gets a ton of pyro, including a series of fireworks outside the stadium. That really did make it feel like a bigger moment, just like it should be.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Shane vs. Undertaker and I still get lost in this whole thing. So Shane apparently had dirt on Vince and kept holding it over his head so Shane tried to get control of Raw. Vince agreed to put Raw up in exchange for whatever proof Shane had of what Vince did (the specifics of which have still not been explained and likely never will be). Shane has to fight the Undertaker inside the Cell tonight and unfortunately no one gives Shane much of a chance due to his age, time away from the ring, and HIS OPPONENT IS THE UNDERTAKER. Oh and Undertaker is done at Wrestlemania if he loses just in case you thought Shane could win.

This story has been a mess from the start and it’s not really clear who you’re supposed to cheer for. Do you go for Shane who is up against Vince and the evil Authority (after saying how much Raw has sucked in recent years) or against Undertaker who is the legend fighting for Vince because…….well it’s not really clear but in theory it’s because Vince is Vince. The idea is that Shane is in WAY over his head, which he certainly is, making this whole thing a mess. To be fair though there’s a good chance that Shane was supposed to be John Cena before the injury took him off the card. Unfortunately, this is the best thing we can get.

I know Shane being back has given a lot of fans a bunch of nostalgia but that doesn’t mean he’s capable of having a long match with anyone, let alone an old Undertaker. This has the potential to be a bunch of fun spots but having it be an actual quality match is almost completely out of the question.

Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker

Inside the Cell of course. Of course the entrances take forever with Shane’s going long as well due to having his children (Vince’s grandchildren) dance out with him as Shane dollars fall from the ceiling. As usual, this creates an issue as the bills are everywhere, including sticking to the side of the Cell. Shane throws a kick to start for no effect before they start jabbing at the air in front of each other.

They head outside with Undertaker in control and “methodically taking his time” according to Cole because he doesn’t get that they mean the same thing. Back in and a single right hand puts Shane down but he back elbows Undertaker in the jaw to block a big boot. Cole follows up by saying this is a cat and mouse game, making sure to point out that Undertaker is indeed the cat.

Undertaker messes with some steps but gets caught with kicks as he comes back in, earning Shane a whip into the cage wall. The apron legdrop sets up the Last Ride for two and I’m done with this match five and a half minutes in. That move can give Undertaker World Titles and major wins but it can’t beat Shane McMahon when Undertaker has barely been touched? I just can’t buy that no matter how much of an athlete Shane is.

Undertaker brings the steps in but gets caught in a long triangle choke, which would be laughed off and broken in ten seconds from any other opponent but since it’s Shane it’s hard to counter for some reason. Undertaker gets Shane on his back for a cover and the hold is broken, allowing Undertaker to chokeslam him onto the steps for another two.

Oh come on now. Neither of those moves are enough to put Shane away? That’s what I’m supposed to buy? Based on those moves, this match shouldn’t have made it ten minutes but they seem to just be starting up. Undertaker misses an elbow and hits the steps so Shane says bring it on. That’s actually enough to sucker Undertaker in for a DDT onto the steps for two and the actual wrestler is WAY more out of it than he should be after one or maybe two big moves in ten minutes.

Undertaker sits up so Shane punches him in the face, earning himself a Hell’s Gate. Shane somehow escapes that (as in the move that put HHH away at a Wrestlemania) for a bad Sharpshooter, with the referee telling him to take his time. Thankfully Undertaker powers out pretty easily but he can’t handle Shane hitting him in the face a few times. Undertaker can take punches from BROCK LESNAR but Shane takes a few weeks of MMA training and he can punch Undertaker down?

Shane hits Coast to Coast and it’s only good for two because one foot driving a trashcan into Undertaker’s chest (more like stomach as the can didn’t seem to make any actual contact) actually isn’t enough to put him away. Shocking I know but we keep going. Shane gets up and finds boltcutters under the ring to break open pat of the cage wall. Undertaker is quickly to his feet though and drives Shane through the wall and up against the German announcers’ table, which really isn’t a huge impact as the wall only goes a few feet before being stopped.

It’s time to load up the announcers’ table and Undertaker calls for the Tombstone, only to have Shane counter into a sleeper. Not a special MMA choke, but a run of the mill sleeper. Instead of like, countering by easily flipping Shane over, Undertaker just stands there for a bit before driving both of them through the table for a good looking crash.

Shane comes up with a toolbox to knock Undertaker silly though…..and Shane looks at the top of the Cell. A monitor shot to the head keeps Undertaker down and it’s time to go up. Shane takes forever to finally dive off, driving himself through the table and right onto the visible crash pad.

I was genuinely scared when he was up there and seeing the pad helps a good bit as that thing is HUGE. I get that they had to have it but couldn’t they find a better way to hide it? After a lot of sitting around so Shane can be checked out, Shane says bring it on. Back in and Shane pulls himself onto the steps where Undertaker tells him to bring it. The Tombstone finally puts Shane away at 30:05.

Rating: D. Nope. You can take the nostalgia, you can take Shane fighting for his legacy (whatever that means this year) and you can pretend that Shane can get through this with pure heart and it doesn’t matter. This flat out did not work for me and it didn’t work for several reasons.

First and foremost, I do not buy that Shane McMahon is a threat to the Undertaker, nor do I buy that he could kick out of a Last Ride and chokeslam onto the steps before getting out of Hell’s Gate. They lost me as soon as that happened because, as has been established, Shane isn’t a wrestler and therefore shouldn’t be able to survive that kind of stuff. I know you can stretch a lot of the time but this was too much for me to believe.

Second, this was WAY too long at over half an hour. This went longer than Shawn vs. Undertaker inside the Cell and was the fifth longest Cell match in history. The elbow was cool (terrifying but cool) but that’s not enough to warrant this match going longer than Undertaker vs. Mankind or HHH vs. Cactus Jack. This should have been cut in half and had the time given to other stuff or maybe cut off so the show isn’t pushing five hours.

Third, it was barely a match. This was a bunch of stretches of Undertaker beats on Shane then misses a big move so Shane can get in some garbage stuff. That’s entertaining for a little while but then it gets to be the same stuff over and over. I know Shane isn’t a wrestler, but that’s the problem: you need someone more capable to have a match that lasts half an hour.

Finally, there was barely any reason to have this in the Cell other than “it’s a Cell match.” Other than the big spot at the end, the cage was barely used and there was next to no reason for these two to hate each other. Vince decided we were having this match and they tried to work in some hated or anger later but it never clicked. This easily could have been no holds barred or something and just had Shane dive off the stage or something but instead we had the Cell, which took even more time to get ready and hype up.

Overall it’s certainly not the worst match I’ve ever seen for the gimmick and I was entertained at times but it was just too long with too many leaps in realism. This is a match where Shane should have brought people in to help him and maybe set something up for Undertaker later.

Instead it was like when Vince and Shane fought DX with no help: no one believes it because the wrestler is just too good for the businessman who wrestles on occasion. This could have worked at about fifteen minutes but it was dragging at twelve and only came close to picking up near the end. I wasn’t a fan here and it was worse on a second viewing.

Shane is wheeled out on a stretcher to eat up even more time. He throws a thumbs up and pounds his chest for the crowd.

Here’s the pre-show panel while the ring is cleaned up.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Fandango, Damien Sandow, Shaquille O’Neal, Big Show, Viktor, Diamond Dallas Page, Konnor, Tatanka, Jack Swagger, R-Truth, Goldust, Baron Corbin, Curtis Axel, Adam Rose, Heath Slater, Tyler Breeze, Mark Henry, Bo Dallas, Darren Young, Kane

Page was a cool surprise with the music getting a strong pop. Put the guy in the Hall of Fame already. Tatanka was at Axxess earlier in the day but I have no idea why he’s in this. O’Neal was a surprise, even though his TapOut graphic flashed during Big Show’s entrance. Show and Shaq have the staredown but Kane interrupts it, only to have everyone get knocked down to the floor so we can have the real showdown.

Fandango tries to dance but gets tossed by the giants. Shaq eliminates Sandow as well before it’s time for the big choke off, only to have everyone come in and eliminate Shaq and Show. The match turns into a regular battle royal now, minus all of the interest because…..well look at the lineup. Page Diamond Cuts Viktor for an easy elimination but Konor actually gets rid of the yoga guy.

Truth dumps Konor and it’s time for the Tatanka warpath. That lasts as long as you would expect it to before Corbin dumps Tatanka. Kane gets rid of Swagger and it’s time for the Social Outcasts to clean house, including eliminating Truth. Goldust follows Truth to the floor and it’s time for the BO TRAIN!

Kane quickly derails it (duh) and Corbin cuts off the other exit. Axel and Rose are quickly out but Kane chokeslams Corbin. Henry gets back in and easily throws out Slater. Breeze follows them as the ring is suddenly mostly empty. Kane and Young (now there’s a pair) eliminates Henry. Darren celebrates and gets dumped at the same time as Dallas, only to have Corbin throw Kane out for the BIG surprise win at 9:41.

Rating: D. The match sucked but Corbin winning was the perfect call. It instantly gives him a path to running up the main roster and that’s all this was supposed to be. Kane being the last man out is fine but I’m really annoyed that the battle royal has taken such a fall in the last two years. It’s now just another battle royal with lower card and midcard goons, but at least two of the first three winners have been people in need of a push.

Wrestlemania XXXIII will be in Orlando.

Here are the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders for a completely unnecessary (yet very visually appealing) dance number. Yeah it’s just an excuse to have good looking women in glorified swimsuits but here’s the Rock to spice things up. Oh wait he can’t walk through the cheerleader tunnel yet because……he’s got a flamethrower. He plays with it a bit before lighting up a big ROCK sign, which is put out a few moments later.

Rock FINALLY comes down to the ring, making sure to show off the bicep to one of the cheerleaders along the way. A mere SEVEN AND A HALF MINUTES after the cheerleaders came out, Rock says his first word. Rock talks about seeing smiling faces on all four sides of the stadium, which means there are going to be a lot of Wrestlemania babies in nine months. He talks about how awesome it is to be here with the millions (which he keeps saying) before FINALLY getting to the point: announcing the new Wrestlemania attendance record. Rock says it’s about to get good…..and we’ve got Wyatts.

Seeing the fireflies in the stadium really was one of the coolest things I got to see all night and was definitely worth seeing in person. Bray introduces himself and his brothers before saying he chose Rock. See, Rock represents success, greatness and a lie. This moment doesn’t belong to the Rock or to the people but to Bray Wyatt himself. Rock looks a bit nervous but immediately starts mocking Bray for saying he would eviscerate Rock right now. “You come out here and talk like you’ve been hitting the bong for about eight days straight jack.”

Rowan’s parents are clearly related and Strowman looks like he’s been breast fed since he was 26 years old. As for Bray though, Rock has had his eye on him since Bray got to the WWE. Bray has the ability and the charisma (nice applause for that) and when his music hit, 100,000 people put their phones in the air. Then Bray said he wanted to eviscerate the Rock but that’s knocking on a door that he doesn’t want answered. Bray can say he’s the eater of worlds but Rock thinks he’s just the eater of Hot Pockets.

Rock is wrong though because Bray is here to kick a door down because he has no idea who he’s fooling with right now. There goes the shirt but Rock doesn’t think we’re going to have a Wrestlemania fight. No, we’re going to have a Wrestlemania MATCH. We’ve got a referee out here and there go the tear away pants. This is actually happening and the fans are WAY into it.

The Rock vs. Erick Rowan

Bell, Rock Bottom, six seconds. Well it was indeed a match and a Wrestlemania record.

The Wyatts surround the ring…..and here’s John Cena for the save. Rowan and Strowman take finishers and it’s a spinebuster into the Rock Bottom for Bray. Rock grabs a mic, says welcome back to Cena, and wraps it up after twenty eight minutes, or longer than anything all night but the Cell.

Oh and no this wasn’t a burial of the Wyatts. This was the Wyatts interacting with one of the biggest stars of all time and having him beat their lackey whose entire job is to take the fall in losses. The segment is going to set up the Wyatts turning face and maybe going somewhere for a change. Also it was Rock praising Bray, which of course buries him like it buried Rusev back in the day, before Rusev won the US Title and then beat John Cena on pay per view. You know, after crawling out of the grave that Rock put him in and all that. This was fine for the Wyatts and not a burial. Well other than being WAY too long of course.

Long recap of Roman Reigns vs. HHH, which is basically HHH wanting to hold Reigns down because Reigns didn’t want to join the Authority. This turned into a really watered down story with HHH wanting to prove that he still had it with the feud dying more and more every week. Reigns has been more aggressive lately which has made things better, but this is still just a step above a disaster coming in.

We see a bunch of men with white heads and metal plates over their faces. As in thousands of them, all standing in a huge group. Stephanie is shown in the HHH skull mask standing in front of a throne looking like a witch. She wants us to rise in their presence because we all exist to serve them. They are the leaders and the power because they own all of us. After tonight, all hope will be gone because only HHH can stand in the coliseum of the immortals. Here’s a quick translation: “WE’RE HEELS! BOO US AND NOT REIGNS!”

WWE World Title: Roman Reigns vs. HHH

HHH comes to the ring flanked by an army of the white headed guys (all from NXT in theory), all carrying WWE Titles. Reigns is loudly booed but it’s not quite as bad as I was expecting. HHH grabs a headlock to start and slaps Reigns in the back of the head. Remember that they hate each other and keep wanting to hurt the other as much as possible.

Reigns gets sent over the top and out to the floor before HHH starts in on his arm. There’s a right hand to send HHH into the corner and Reigns throws in a crotch chop. That earns HHH a whip across the ring but he avoids a charge and hits Reigns in the back of the head. Some pretty loud spot calling sets up a knee to the back of the head, followed by a stiff punch to Roman’s face.

Reigns comes back with the running clothesline and apron boot, only to have Stephanie offer a distraction so HHH can get in a low blow. I guess it’s not enough that she takes everyone’s balls but now she’s helping get her husband some balls too. A slugout goes to Reigns but a spinebuster gives HHH two. They head outside with Reigns being rammed face first into the table and then being thrown over it for good measure.

You can hear the fans groaning at the slow pace, especially over six hours into the evening. Back in and a middle rope knee gets two for the champ but he tries again and gets punched out of the air. A Samoan drop gets two and has Stephanie panicking but HHH avoids the Superman punch by rolling to the outside. This is dragging BADLY here as HHH still can’t work an epic style match to save his life.

Reigns sends him into the steps and followed with a huge spear through the barricade. Good thing the security guards had already cleared out that part of the crowd. Reigns’ left arm is hanging as they get back inside, only to have the Superman punch countered into an armbar because this hasn’t gone long enough yet.

Reigns rolls out of another armbar and lifts HHH up into the sitout powerbomb for two as this just keeps going. HHH is right back with the cross armbreaker but Reigns counters exactly the same way. The spear is blocked and HHH tries a Pedigree, which is quickly countered with a backdrop over the top. Back in and the spear gets two as Stephanie pulls the referee out.

That means another spear but Stephanie takes it instead…..and suddenly Reigns is as popular as free beer in a frat house. I mean the place is suddenly WAY into him all for finally giving Stephanie what she had coming to her. HHH is livid and gets two off a Pedigree. The Superman punch connects but the spear eats knee. Stephanie hands him the sledgehammer but it’s another Superman punch and the spear for the title at 27:11.

Rating: D. HHH needs to stop trying to go big because he just can’t pull it off. I don’t know how else to put it but he just can’t do it. This was yet another match that didn’t fit the story in the slightest as it was more like HHH was trying to outsmart Reigns instead of beating on each other like two men out for blood. It was a boring match and a really weak way to wrap up this show. The spear to Stephanie was PERFECT though and something long overdue. I don’t need her to get beaten up every single week or anything but taking a bump every now and then isn’t going to kill her or her all important heat.

Reigns celebrates a lot.

A five minute highlight package ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. We’ll get to the elephant in the stadium later and start off by saying there’s a lot of good stuff on here. The wrestling is strong almost throughout save for the double main event with the women’s match and the ladder match standing out as very entertaining stuff. If the two big matches hadn’t been so horrible, this show would shoot up the charts.

Then there’s the booking. Oh yes then there’s the booking. From Ryder (who was clearly supposed to be Neville) winning the title after winning two matches on Raw in a year to AJ and New Day losing to Dean practically getting squashed to Sasha not winning, it was a big night for the heels with very little to cheer for. Just a bad night of decision making which seemed to be nothing more than a way to get on the fans’ nerves.

However, that leaves us with the big problem: counting the pre-show, this was just under seven hours long, or TRIPLE what Takeover: Dallas was. I get that Wrestlemania is bigger than anything all year but they went WAY too far this year. Looking back at the show, the Cell could have been cut in half, Rock’s promo could have lost five to ten minutes and the main event could have been ten minutes shorter. That’s not much but it gets you down over half an hour, which is getting closer to manageable.

That’s where the show loses it for me and for most people. If you can get this down to under six hours (counting the pre-show, which could have been chopped down too), you have a much better show. If you can fix the booking issues (which could have been mostly solved by having AJ and New Day win), this show is instantly higher up on the list of great shows.

Overall, Wrestlemania was really starting to feel like a chore near the end. You shouldn’t be sitting there thinking “we’ve got this and this left to get through and then we can leave”. At a show like this, or really any show actually, you should be excitedly waiting for the main event. However, it really doesn’t matter what that match is when it’s six hours into a show. It’s just too long and it really hurt things.

There’s a lot of good on this show and the surprises really helped it out, but in any wrestling show you can reach a point where the decisions being made outweigh anything that can go on in the ring. So many things at the show held back the good stuff and there wasn’t much of a way around that, which is why this show fell as far as it did. It’s an entertaining show, but it really needs a good shaking while someone pulls back on the booker’s reins.

Results

Zack Ryder b. Kevin Owens, Miz, Dolph Ziggler, Sami Zayn, Stardust and Sin Cara – Ryder pulled down the title

Chris Jericho b. AJ Styles – Codebreaker

League of Nations b. New Day – Brogue Kick to Woods

Brock Lesnar b. Dean Ambrose – F5 onto a pile of chairs

Charlotte b. Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks – Figure Eight to Lynch

Undertaker b. Shane McMahon – Tombstone

Baron Corbin won the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal last eliminating Kane

The Rock b. Erick Rowan – Rock Bottom

Roman Reigns b. HHH – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01D4D3EGQ

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

The FREAKING OW match.

This is the “let’s beat each other up really, really badly” match and no one wants it to be anything else. Lesnar is going to win and I don’t think that’s much of a secret, but sweet Repo Man on a pole this is going to be fun. It’s going to be straight out of the Punk vs. Lesnar playbook with Dean getting one false finish after another but taking the beating of a lifetime. As dominant as Lesnar is there’s always a way to slow him down (usually in the form of a low blow) and I’m sure Dean is going to find that.

As sure as I am that Brock wins, there’s always a need for Dean to win something. I know I’ve been saying it for a long time but there reaches a point where you can’t keep losing every big match you’re in. This is going to be a blast though and I don’t think it needs much more of an explanation than that. Just let two guys beat each other up for twenty minutes and everyone is going to be happy.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01D4D3EGQ

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XXX
Date: April 6, 2014
Location: Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 75,167
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

I haven’t watched this match since I saw it the day after seeing it live in the Superdome last year. This show received rave reviews at the time (including from me) and it’s going to be interesting to see how it holds up a year later. Granted, given how this year’s Wrestlemania has been built up, anything is going to seem like a classic. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Real Americans vs. Los Matadores vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Under elimination rules and the Usos are defending as part of the TWO HOUR preshow. I remember when these things were thirty minutes but that’s the age we live in I guess. These entrances show you how many different paths people can take. Cesaro is in the same place but with a title, Los Matadores are in the exact same spot, the Usos are in the same match minus the belts, Ryback is rebuilding and Curtis Axel got to confront Hulk Hogan on the go home Raw for Wrestlemania. That last part still makes my head shake.

Axel and Jey get things going with the champ grabbing a headlock. The fans chant WE THE PEOPLE as JBL says Colter is the greatest war hero in Louisiana since Andrew “Stonewall” Jackson in 1814. History geeks around the world are shaking their heads (Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson was a Civil War general who wasn’t born until 1824. JBL meant President Andrew “Not A Stonewall” Jackson) as Jey and Axel chop it out. The Real Americans bail to the floor to avoid a tag attempt and Axel drops Jey with a dropkick.

Off to Ryback for some hard shots but Diego tags himself in to go after Jey. The Usos make a tag and it’s Jimmy vs. Diego but they stop for an OLE! Fernando tags himself in for a dropkick to go with his cousin’s legsweep for two on Jimmy. Cesaro tags Jimmy for the biggest pop of the night so far (that might change) and hammers away before bringing in Swagger for a running clothesline. A springboard back elbow scores for Fernando and, amazingly enough, no one cares.

Both Real Americans are sent to the floor with Ryback and the Usos being thrown on top of them so Los Matadores can dive on everyone. Torito gets on the top but Axel grabs him from behind and throws him inside. Axel goes up but Los Matadores catch him in a double electric chair, allowing Torito to cross body him down onto the big pile for a crash. Back in and Swagger throws Diego off the top and puts on the Patriot Lock for the submission elimination.

Jimmy comes in and jack Jack’s jaw but he gets caught in the Patriot Lock as well, only to have Jimmy roll out in a hurry. Axel tags himself in and stomps on the champ before it’s off to Ryback for a delayed vertical. Axel and Ryback take turns on Jimmy in the corner until Ryback slaps on a chinlock. That goes nowhere until Jimmy fights up and makes the tag to Jey as house is cleaned. The running Umaga Attack staggers Axel but Jack breaks up a charge with a belly to belly.

Ryback plants Swagger with a spinebuster but Cesaro breaks up the Shell Shock. The Meat Hook is blocked by Swiss Death and the Neutralizer eliminates Ryback to send the fans into a frenzy. We’re down to the Usos vs. the Real Americans, which is pretty much what everyone was expecting in the first place. The Usos send them to the floor for a big double dive, leaving all four on the outside.

Back in and Cesaro gets two off a backbreaker to Jey but the Swing doesn’t work. Instead it’s off to Jimmy but Swagger comes in off a hot tag, only to have Jey hit a Whisper in the Wind for two. Swagger, with a bloody arm, blocks the running Umaga Attack with the Patriot Lock but Jimmy breaks it up with a superkick, only to walk into Swiss Death. Cesaro and Jimmy get tags but the Americans are whipped into each other, setting up a double superkick to Cesaro, followed by the double Superfly Splash to retain the titles.

Rating: B. This was the perfect way to open a show as the fans are now way into things. It’s a pretty meaningless match, proven if nothing else by how similar this year’s pre-show match will be. At the end of the day, that’s the benefit of a multi-team tag match: let the fans get fired up and have a great time while not wasting anything of note. It’s another reason I’m amazed by how little tag wrestling is used. You can use it for something like this but for some reason it’s almost never done.

Post match Swagger and Cesaro go at it with Jack putting on the Patriot Lock as Colter loses his mind. They break it up but Cesaro Swings him to blow the roof off the place again.

The opening video is set in the streets of New Orleans with a jazz band playing. There’s a great opening line of “A good time occurs when we forget what time it is, and man have we lost track of time.” Wrestlers fill up the streets for something like a Mardi Gras parade with shots of famous Wrestlemania entrances, such as Shawn at XII and Heenan/Andre at III, superimposed over the streets. It’s a REALLY cool video and fits the theme of how big a night this really is.

There’s something so amazing looking about the sea of people in the Superdome to watch the show.

We open big with the special host Hulk Hogan, which is really the only way to open a major anniversary Wrestlemania. First line: “Well let me tell you something brother!” Oh yeah he’s got us in the palm of his hand and he knows it. He was there at Wrestlemania I in Madison Square Garden but now it’s thirty years later at Wrestlemania XXX, right here in the Silverdome. I thought he flubbed that line on purpose and I still think it now. Think about it: how many times has that been referenced since, meaning people keep thinking of Hogan? There’s nothing wrong with it if it’s true but I’m almost certain he did it intentionally.

Hogan talks about how there are Wrestlemania moments and surprises, and you never know when one of those moments is going to happen…….CUE GLASS SHATTER! I’ve been to a lot of wrestling shows in my day and I’ve never freaked out more than hearing that sound. That was the moment when you knew you were in for something very, very special that night.

Austin hits all four corners and you can tell he’s fired up to be here. He says it’s good to be back here at the Silverdome and asks if the fans want to see him open a can on Hogan. They were sitting next to each other at the Hall of Fame and Austin has seen every thing Hogan has done over the years, from Wrestlemania I (WHAT!) through Wrestlemania X (which Hogan wasn’t at). Austin appreciates all of Hogan’s accomplishments in this business and shakes his hand. He talks about how tonight is about the current stars…..and here’s the Rock.

After taking his sweet time getting to the ring, Rock and Austin hug for old times’ sake. Fans: “THIS IS AWESOME!” Rock says all five of his senses are on fire and FINALLY he has come back……to the SUPERdome! He looks across the ring and sees the two biggest names in the history of the WWE and he’s had the privilege of facing both of them at Wrestlemania.

They’ve had a huge impact on his career and on everyone’s in the back as well. Tonight Cena is coming out here to fight for hustle, loyalty and respect, but he doesn’t do that if no one told him to say his prayers and take his vitamins 29 years ago. Tonight someone is fighting against the Authority (pause for a YES chant) but that doesn’t happen unless a bald headed SOB didn’t have the guts to fight against the boss.

Rock wants to know why so many babies are born just nine months after Wrestlemania? They’re Rock Babies! Rock gives us a great rhyme about the history of Wrestlemania with the final line saying that everyone else would have lost to the three of them (look it up because just reading it doesn’t do it justice). Everyone hits their catchphrases, beer is consumed and all three songs are played. JBL: “My life is complete.”

Overall Rating: A+. Well that was…..oh dang we’ve got three and a half hours to go. I had my money’s worth right here already.

We get the AWESOME recap video for HHH vs. Daniel Bryan. If there’s one thing this show got right (and there are about a hundred of them), it’s the big recap videos. This is set to Monster by Imagine Dragons and shows Bryan going from an NXT rookie up to the US Champion and then into the main event.

At Summerslam 2013, Bryan pinned John Cena completely clean but guest referee HHH knocked him out so Orton could cash in Money in the Bank. HHH didn’t want Bryan as the face of WWE because he didn’t fit the mold, but Bryan spent the next several months trying to prove himself and get the title back. Eventually Bryan wanted a match with HHH but couldn’t get the boss to agree. With nothing else left, Bryan took Raw hostage and forced HHH to agree to let them have a match here at Wrestlemania. The winner is put into the World Title match main event.

Stephanie, showing so much leg that Stacy Keibler would tell her to tone it down, introduces HHH. Naturally HHH has a golden throne with three good looking women (played by NXT girls Charlotte, Sasha Banks and Alexa Bliss) to take off his mask and armor. To be fair, this is pretty cool.

HHH vs. Daniel Bryan

Winner goes to the main event title match. For some reason, Bryan’s entrance is never actually announced, likely due to not being able to hear the announcer over the INSANE YES chants. Cole says this is a mismatch on paper, even though Bryan is a multiple time World Champion coming in. HHH would be the heavy favorite but it’s not that big. Bryan is coming in with a bad shoulder after HHH attacked it a few weeks back on Raw. Stephanie kisses HHH for an awesome heel moment.

We start with a long staredown as the fans are about 300% behind Bryan. HHH’s offer of a handshake is kicked away and Bryan gets a quick rollup for two. That would be one heck of a way to open the show. The threat of a big kick sends HHH outside but he comes back in to go after the arm. Bryan flips out and hits a dropkick to the ribs before taking him down with a headlock. Stephanie: “COME ON BABY!” They hit the mat for a nice technical sequence until HHH takes him into the corner and wraps the bad arm around the ropes.

Bryan escapes an attempt at sending his arm into the post before hitting a running tornado DDT off the apron to the floor. As HHH gets up, Bryan dives off the top for a big flip dive and Stephanie is losing it. She shouts that Bryan is a B+ at best as HHH crotches him on the top, followed by a running forearm to put Bryan on the floor. It’s time for the announcer’s table but Bryan fights out of the Pedigree attempt, only to have HHH grab the arm and drive it into the table.

Back in again and HHH puts on an armbar as JBL shouts about how brilliant this is. He really needs to figure out proper tone. Bryan is able to low bridge HHH to the floor but a right hand stops the Flying Goat. Something like a belly to back suplex on the apron drops Bryan’s arm on the apron again and he has to beat the count back in. HHH channels his inner Backlund for a crossface chicken wing before putting on a regular Crossface to make Benoit scream even more.

Bryan finally makes the rope and nails a running forearm to knock some of the smile off of Stephanie’s face. The moonsault out of the corner doesn’t work but Bryan uses a standing switch for some rolling Germans for rolling near falls. HHH reverses back into another chicken wing attempt before settling for a tiger suplex. They head up top for a superplex but Bryan reverses into a sunset bomb to put both guys down. Bryan starts shaking his head as he gets up for the running dropkicks in the corner, only to have HHH nail a running clothesline to stop the third. Stephanie LOSES IT on the floor in celebration.

The Pedigree is countered into a jackknife for two before the big kick knocks HHH silly. Back to the Crossface but HHH can only grab across Bryan’s forehead. Bryan rolls away but gets caught in the middle of the ring ala the ending of Wrestlemania XX. Another roll lets Bryan counter into the YES Lock but again the grip isn’t perfect. HHH finally makes the ropes and you can see Stephanie breathe a sigh of relief. She’s gone from all confident to having to sweat over this match.

HHH bails to the floor but Bryan gets up for two straight Flying Goats, followed by a series of kicks to the chest as they hit another gear. The missile dropkick puts HHH down but Daniel lands on his shoulder. He nips up though and the fans are right back into it. JBL is starting to panic as well as Bryan busts out the YES Kicks. The big one knocks HHH down but he kicks out at two. This is reaching epic.

Bryan sets up the running knee but it’s countered into a spinebuster, followed by the Pedigree for two, sending Stephanie into shock. HHH puts him in the corner for more right hands but is smart enough to break at four. Another Pedigree attempt is countered into a backdrop for two but HHH doesn’t let go of the grip. Bryan won’t get up so HHH drives knees (yes, knees from HHH) to the side of the head. This time Bryan rolls out and kicks the boss in the head, only to miss a second attempt. HHH tries a belly to back but Bryan flips out and hits the running knee for the huge upset pin, sending him to the main event.

Rating: A. This was a great match with the big key of Bryan winning clean. HHH wrestled a smart match and did everything he should have, including the arm work and hitting the Pedigree but Bryan flat out beat him. This match was a Match of the Year contender all year and it’s easy to see why. Really good stuff here and HHH continues to prove why he’s still worth putting in the ring a few times a year.

Post match Stephanie gets in for a real challenge. She slaps Bryan in the face, allowing Stephanie to get a chair and crush Bryan’s shoulder against the post. Oh man they really did stack the deck against him. Stephanie: “That’s what happens when you play with the Game.” Dang she’s good at being evil.

New Age Outlaws/Kane vs. Shield

There isn’t much to this one. Kane blamed Jerry Lawler for letting Bryan’s fans in for the Occupy Raw incident but Shield wouldn’t attack him. The Outlaws were added because who else was going to be put in the spot? Road Dogg’s speech is cut off by Shield’s intro, complete with half masks which didn’t last long. This was right before Shield turned face, even though they’re insanely popular and have practically been good guys for a few weeks now. One last note before we get to the massacre: if you’ve never heard it, Kane’s pyro is one of the loudest things you’ll ever hear live.

Kane punches Ambrose into the corner to start but the US Champion (remember that?) fights back and nails a clothesline. Off to Reigns to run over Gunn before taking down Dogg and Kane for good measure. Reigns even tells the Outlaws to suck it. The Apron Kick (he hasn’t done that in a while) hits both Outlaws but Kane blocks the Superman Punch. That earns him a springboard knee from Rollins and Dean breaks up the Fameasser.

The Superman Punch (which the camera misses) lays out Gunn and Billy is surrounded. He gets outside with Dogg, only to take a double dive from Ambrose and Rollins. All three villains get speared (the Outlaws get theirs at the same time) and a double Triple Bomb to the Outlaws is enough for the pin. Total and complete dominance here as you can feel the Shield’s mega face push coming imminently.

Jim Duggan and Sgt. Slaughter are playing with toys in the back with EVIL Danny Davis counting the pin. Why Duggan isn’t wearing a shirt isn’t clear. Duggan wants another opponent so here’s Ricky Steamboat. They can’t play though because someone has bought the toys. Guess who that would be. On a personal note, other than Davis, I’ve met every person in this segment in the last year. Ron Simmons comes in for the required cameo.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Big Show, Cesaro, Xavier Woods, Sin Cara, Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, Yoshi Tatsu, Brad Maddox, Brodus Clay, Great Khali, Zack Ryder, Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, Cody Rhodes, Goldust, Darren Young, Drew McIntyre, Jinder Mahal, Heath Slater, Tyson Kidd, R-Truth, Fandango, Big E., David Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Damien Sandow, Santino Marella, Miz, Titus O’Neil, Mark Henry

In a line I can’t take credit for, this should be the Andre Rousimoff Memorial Battle Royal: the ARMBAR. There are thirty one people in this and eight of them are out of the company less than a year later. I’ll give them credit for this: they snuck everyone but Big Show and Sheamus into the ring during the legends’ segment and I didn’t notice a thing.

Kidd goes to the apron to start and flips onto a pile of people. You can’t tell what’s going on to start like in most battle royals. Tatsu is out first and Cody and Kofi get in a kick off as they’re hanging from the ropes. Maddox, GM of Raw at the time, is out next and Khali knocks Brodus out with a chop. A few guys dump Khali a few seconds later and you can actually see the mat now. There goes Ryder at 3MB’s hands and Young gets the same treatment.

Mark Henry actually sells a punch from Slater before knocking out McIntyre and Mahal. Henry makes it a matched 3MB set by throwing Heath out but Big Show gets rid of him a few seconds later. The ring is down to a manageable number now and it’s nowhere near as crowded. Show throws Titus out next but it’s Cobra time. Miz tries to block it but with an assist from Xavier Woods of all people, Miz is knocked to the floor. Del Rio kicks Santino out and Sandow dumps Woods. Racist.

Cody’s Disaster Kick nails Sandow and Goldust low bridges him to the floor. Intercontinental Champion Big E. powerbombs Gabriel out and throws Otunga to the floor for good measure. Fandango and Big E. get in a fight on the apron and Fandango actually kicks him out. Your champion ladies and gentlemen. The fans start Fandangoing but stop as Sheamus hits the thirty forearms to the chest and shoves the dancer out.

Show throws Truth out and we’re down to Big Show, Mysterio, Sin Cara, Del Rio, Kidd, Goldust, Cesaro, Sheamus, Ziggler, Kingston and Rhodes. Sin Cara goes out off camera to get us down to ten and Del Rio enziguris Kidd off the top to make it nine. Another enziguri drops Goldust and a shove gets rid of the other Rhodes brother. Del Rio takes a 619 and Cesaro gets the same treatment, only to uppercut Rey to the floor. Ziggler gets an uppercut of his own in the middle of the ring and everyone is down.

It’s Kofi up first and charging at Cesaro, who launches him over the post and down to the floor. You know it’s not that simple though as Kofi’s feet land on the steps and he gets back in for a HUGE top rope cross body. I paused the video to type a bit with Kofi in the air and I couldn’t believe how high he got on that thing. Kofi kicks everyone, including Big Show, down but he gets caught in the Swing that everyone had wanted to see. There’s something hilarious about those braids flying around.

The Swing goes on for a ridiculous thirty seconds but Cesaro walks into a chokeslam. A Brogue Kick drops Big Show and another puts Kingston out. Ziggler DDTs Sheamus but gets superkicked to the floor but Del Rio, drawing some awesome heat. The final four are Del Rio, Big Show, Sheamus and Cesaro. There’s the cross armbreaker to Sheamus, which JBL points out as a waste of time.

Sheamus powers up but both guys fall to the floor to get us down to two. You know who the fans are behind I’m assuming. Cesaro starts firing off uppercuts and clotheslines but dives into a big chop. Show loads him up but Cesaro slips down the back (ala Rock at the 2000 Royal Rumble) and casually picks him up (not like Rock at the 2000 Royal Rumble) for a slam to the floor and the win.

Rating: C+. This was a lot more fun than I was expecting and one of the more entertaining battle royals I’ve seen in a long time. Cesaro winning should have meant a big push but it wound up going nowhere due to the incompetence of this company. Good stuff here but they would have been better off with twenty like they’re doing for the second version. That slam was freaking cool too.

Cesaro celebrates with his chest high trophy.

The next awesome recap video shows us Cena vs. Wyatt, which is based around the idea of making Cena destroy his legacy….whatever that means. Wyatt thinks Cena is lying when he talks about hustle, loyalty and respect and seemingly just wants to destroy Cena for fun. He’s a weird guy like that.

John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt

Wyatt’s song is played live with a bunch of burning barrels, a woman dancing like she’s possessed and what looks like a bunch of junk set up as an altar. This was CHILLING live and an absolutely amazing visual. Bray has Harper and Rowan with him here. This was before Rowan got pushed by having Big Show knock him out 19 times in a row. The fireflies are starting to become a thing at this point but it’s not there yet. Cena doesn’t have any kind of a special entrance, but how could he follow Bray’s anyway? For some reason Roberts doesn’t even announce him until he’s in the ring.

Bray drops to his knees and offers Cena a free shot to finish him early but Cena tells him to get up and fight. They finally get going with Cena headlocking him to the mat as JBL has no idea what he just saw. Back up and Bray hammers him into the corner, shouting that Cena doesn’t want to fight him. A headbutt drops Cena as Bray asks if this is the one the people call hero.

Bray sends him across the ring but Cena just explodes with a running clothesline. A fired up Cena takes him into the corner, only to have Wyatt laugh as Cena stomps away. John gets creative (or is it basic?) with a running big boot. The Family stares at Cena and Bray shouts that John is a monster before hitting the release suplex slam (cool move). We hit the sleeper but it’s quickly just a regular chinlock.

Cena fights back and starts his finishing sequence but the Shuffle is blocked by Bray’s spider walk. Cena’s reaction is perfect as he falls down and gets distracted by Rowan, allowing Bray to hit a chokeslam (meant to be a Rock Bottom but it’s the same move for all intents and purposes) for two. It’s time for Bray to conduct the crowd but the delay lets Cena get two off a jumping tornado DDT.

Cena’s top rope Fameasser is caught in the Batista neck breaking powerbomb and control switches again. Another finishing sequence has Bray in trouble but he counters the AA into a gutbuster for two. A DDT onto the apron drops Cena and his face just looks stunned. Back in and Bray’s superplex attempt is countered but Cena, ever the rocket scientist, dives on the Family for no apparent reason. They weren’t doing much and they’ll just be ticked off now, but Cena is Cena and unquestionable right?

The wild eyed Bray sends Cena into the steps and says he’s figured out what to do. Cena kicks the steps out of his hands and picks them up instead, only to throw them down instead of giving in to the demons. Back in and Bray runs him over, says he has the whole world in his hand, but misses the backsplash. AA gets two and why are people always shocked by that? If you don’t see two of those it’s not a major match.

Rowan offers a distraction so Harper can get in a cheap shot to give his boss two. It’s about time they did something in this match. Cena goes out after Harper and spears him through the barricade, which seems to be exactly what Bray wanted. Sister Abigail is countered into the STF but the rope is quickly grabbed. Now Sister Abigail connects for two and Bray is……happy? Scared? Shocked? You never really can tell with him.

Bray goes out and rips the top off the Spanish table. Ricardo Rodriguez is on Spanish commentary and tells him to go after the French table in a funny moment. Instead Bray gets a chair and kicks it over to Cena before kneeling in the middle of the ring. He tells Cena to finish this but Cena blasts Rowan instead, setting up Sister Abigail. The kiss is too much though and the second AA is enough to pin Bray.

Rating: C+. It’s a good enough match, but what the heck was the point in having Bray lose here? The entire thing was built up as Bray being a monster and he loses the big match? Now of course this didn’t end Bray’s run, but it was questionable then and it doesn’t get any better a year later. Cena really didn’t need the win and the whole legacy thing still doesn’t make a lot of sense. I don’t get how Bray pinning him ended his legacy, so it seemed to be another way of saying “Hey Cena, turn heel already!” It’s not explained why hitting Rowan is different than hitting Bray but this story never made the most sense in the first place.

Hall of Fame video from last night. This package aired about a million times on Sunday and Monday, to the point where I memorized half the lines. Undertaker coming out with the urn during Bearer’s induction was perfect. Mr. T.’s speech on the other hand was so beyond perfect that I don’t have the words to describe it. Seeing Scott Hall and Jake Roberts up there is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen and proof that Diamond Dalla Page is a saint.

Here’s the class of 2015 live: Jake Roberts, Mr. T., Paul Bearer, Carlos Colon, Lita (you all still would and you know it), Razor Ramon and the Ultimate Warrior, who gets a full musical entrance. The interesting thing here is that the camera guys ran backwards in case he ran to the ring but instead he just walked out after everyone else had been standing there. Knowing what happened to him less than two days later still makes my head spin. This is one of the better classes ever as it’s hard to argue against any of them going in, which isn’t always the case.

Medics check on Bryan’s arm.

We recap the Streak match. The video about the Streak being the lone constant over the last twenty three years is really odd when you think about it as nothing else has anywhere near that lifespan. Can any man break the streak? Heyman: “Obviously the answer to this question is no. But what about a beast?” That’s pretty much all you need to know. Heyman caps it off with “Eat, sleep, conquer, repeat. Eat, sleep, conquer, repeat. Eat, sleep, conquer, repeat. Eat, sleep, conquer the Streak.”

Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker

Undertaker’s theme this year is a coffin with the name of each victim, all of which are lit on fire. The latest victim is covered by smoke as luck would have it. Even Brock looks a bit shaken up by all this, but that might be due to his coffin opening up. Long staredown to start until Undertaker fires off right hands. That earns him a belly to belly overhead suplex and a clothesline to send him outside because Brock is awesome like that.

Undertaker comes back with a Stunner over the top and it’s time for more punching, followed by bending Brock’s arm around the rope. The arm goes into the post as well but Brock punches Old School down. That’s it for Undertaker’s control though as he fights back and takes it to the floor, setting up the apron legdrop. It’s been about 90% Undertaker so far. The chokeslam and F5 are both escaped but Brock avoids the running boot in the corner.

It’s time to go after the old man’s leg and the last thing you want to give Brock is a target. Or raw meat. Or a belt that a Samoan wants to take from him because it turns into a stupid looking tug of war. Brock slowly hammers him down and pounds away with right hands and knees in the corner. Now they head outside for another shot to Undertaker’s knee before he’s whipped hard into the barricade. Back in and Brock keeps hammering away as the fans are waiting on the big comeback before they hit the main event style.

Now Brock just starts punching him a lot until Undertaker catches him with the running DDT (a popular counter tonight). The running clothesline in the corner (what leg injury?) sets up Snake Eyes and the running boot, followed by a legdrop for two. The chokeslam (Heyman: “HE’S POISED!”) gets two and Undertaker looks deflated. Brock counters the tombstone into the F5 (way bigger reaction than the chokeslam) for two.

Lesnar slows things down and gets pulled into a surprise Hell’s Gate. That’s fine with Brock who lifts him up into a powerbomb to break the hold. Power like that is just scary and Brock is terrifying enough on his own. Undertaker throws it on again but Brock counters it exactly the same way. Why change what works? It’s Brock’s turn for a submission as he puts on the Kimura to make Undertaker scream. We get MMA Taker as he reverses into one of his own but Brock makes it to the ropes.

Brock fires off some shoulders in the corner but Undertaker gets a boot up. We go Old School but Undertaker falls into the F5 for two. Now it’s Brock’s turn to be shocked for a change. Two German suplexes rattle Undertaker again and Heyman shouts that Brock is going to make it 21-1. Brock hammers away in the corner but climbs to the middle rope, setting up something called a Last Ride but more like a weak spinebuster.

Undertaker is just spent at this point so he loads up the tombstone. Brock doesn’t quite get planted though as you can see St. Louis in the gap between his head and the mat, meaning the kickout doesn’t have much of an impact. There’s the sit up and another tombstone, but Brock reverses and muscles Undertaker into the third F5 for the pin to conquer the Streak.

Rating: D+. This is hard to watch for multiple reasons. First and foremost, the Streak ended. I’m not the biggest Undertaker fan, but knowing what was coming actually made this hard to sit through. I mean……the Streak just ended. It’s like telling a kid there’s no Santa Claus: you know it has to happen someday but you don’t want to ever actually do it.

The other reason this was hard to watch is the match pretty much sucked. Undertaker apparently had a concussion early in the match and barely remembers a lot of what happened here. That can cause some severe problems, but I can’t imagine that the match would have been much better had Undertaker been healthy throughout. At the end of the day, the guy is 49 years old and barely wrestles once a year. You can’t expect him to be able to do it every single year.

That brings me to my last point: how can you really expect him to win here? Brock is a monster and wrestles a lot more often than Undertaker, in addition to being thirteen years younger. How can you reasonably believe that Undertaker can win? That’s part of the thing that kills the fans here: the idea of the Undertaker is that one night a year, he’s immortal. This match proved that he was human and that’s a hard thing to admit after all those years of seeing him as a superhero. Lesnar has been a monster since, and this really is the start of something special. Granted no one knew that at the time.

Anyway, Heyman’s reaction is in perfect as even he’s stunned at what he just saw because all his hyperbole is proven correct. They leave as the audience is stunned. Undertaker finally sits up, albeit very slowly, and gets the big hero’s sendoff. He hasn’t been seen since and I’m not sure I want to see him in the ring again at this point. The reaction is even more saddening as the fans are just done at this point. I’ve heard the only thing to compare this to is Koloff beating Sammartino and it’s hard to disagree with that.

On top of that, Undertaker collapsed as soon as he went through the curtain and was sent to the hospital. Vince himself went with him and missed the end of the show. That’s scary stuff but how lucky were they that he didn’t collapse on the stage in front of all the thousands of people?

Wrestlemania XXXI ad.

Divas Title: Vickie Guerrero Divas Invitational

AJ Lee, Naomi, Aksana, Alicia Fox, Brie Bella, Cameron, Emma, Eva Marie, Layla, Natalya, Nikki Bella, Rosa Mendes, Summer Rae, Tamina Snuka

All fourteen are in at once, one fall to a finish and AJ (only one with an entrance as the others came out during the XXXI video) is defending. Vickie gets in an evil laugh before we get going. AJ and her bodyguard Tamina are sent into the middle of the circle and the brawl is on. Something tells me I won’t be able to keep track of all this.

The Bellas “hit” a horrible gutbuster on Layla before Natalya tries a triple Sharpshooter on Alicia, Summer and Rosa at the same time. A quadruple suplex gets a quadruple near fall as Cameron’s top has broken. That earns her an Emma Lock as this is a total mess. We hit the parade of finishers until only the Bellas are left.

Instead of fighting, they hit an admittedly sweet looking double dive to take everyone out. It’s amazing how much easier they are to sit through when they don’t talk. They slug it out inside and the Rack Attack gets two on Brie. Back in for a parade of secondary finishers until Naomi breaks up the Superfly Splash by shoving Tamina to the floor. Natalya powerbombs Aksana to send Naomi down in a Tower of Doom, leaving AJ to hook the Black Widow on Naomi to retain.

Rating: D. Well what else were you expecting? There’s almost no way to make a huge mess like this work, especially when so many of the girls have no business inside a wrestling ring. AJ would go on to lose the title the next night to a debuting Paige, which I somehow called about two weeks out. That’s probably a lot better than having her debut here and win as part of this disaster, but it’s rather telling that the same girls are still on top of the division a year later.

Gene Okerlund interviews Hulk Hogan (that needed to happen tonight) when Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff come in. Piper reluctantly tells Hogan he’s doing a good job tonight but Paul says he’s tired of hearing about getting pinned at the first Wrestlemania. The losers want to fight now and here’s Mr. T. for the big staredown. Pat Patterson just happens to be here in a referee shirt but they all agree to bury the hatchet and have the most awkward handshakes in years.

Bruno Sammartino, Dusty Rhodes, Harley Race, Bob Backlund and Bret Hart (by far the loudest reaction) are at ringside.

WWE World Title: Randy Orton vs. Batista vs. Daniel Bryan

Rev Theory (remember them?) play Orton to the ring. Orton is defending of course and Batista won the Royal Rumble to get here. Bryan can barely move that left shoulder and has to do a one armed YES point. After the big match intros, Bryan hits a quick running dropkick to the champion followed by the YES Kicks. Orton calmly goes to the arm and stomps away but Batista takes Randy down.

The Orton backbreaker drops Batista and Bryan gets knocked down to the floor. Batista and Orton head over to the announcers’ tables before Batista whips him into the barricade. Orton backdrops out of a Batista Bomb to send Batista into the steps before going after Bryan again. The champ starts going back and forth to send both challengers into the barricade before taking Batista back inside for two.

The knee drop gets two more as the fans chant for Bryan. That’s exactly what they get as well with a double missile dropkick putting down the shaved headed guys. Daniel kicks away at both of them but Orton grabs in him a high collar suplex for two. Big Dave kicks Orton down and stomps on Bryan in the corner to get the fans booing all over again. That’s fine with Daniel as he hits running dropkicks to both guys in the corner. That woke them up again and so did the top rope hurricanrana for two on Orton.

Batista comes back with a suplex to send Bryan outside but he goes up top for no logical reason other than to allow Orton to superplex him back down. Daniel adds a Swan Dive and puts Orton in the YES Lock but here are HHH and Stephanie to pull out the referee. Crooked referee Scott Armstrong comes in to count two off the Batista Bomb on Bryan. Bryan sends a charging Batista into the post and kicks Armstrong in the head before hitting a FLYING GOAT onto the Authority, including Stephanie. Just fire him right now. Plant a tie on him or something.

HHH is livid and pulls out the sledgehammer but Bryan takes it away and knocks HHH to the floor. Orton comes back in and cleans house, joining forces with Batista to beat Bryan up even more. They take the tape off his shoulder as the Authority is taken out, much to JBL’s chagrin. The announcers’ table is loaded up with Orton setting the steps next to it, drawing a CM Punk chant for the save. Instead they get a Batista Bomb into a jumping neckbreaker (called an RKO). The scary part here is that Orton landed back first on a monitor and took a long time to get up.

Batista is the only man left standing and it’s Lawler with the voice of common sense: “Throw one of them in the ring and cover them!” The old guys still get it. Medics come out to help Bryan as JBL joins Lawler’s school of thinking: “COVER BRYAN ALREADY!” Orton and Batista brawl in a heatless segment as people don’t accept that Bryan is done yet. The Elevated DDT off the apron gets a good gasp from the crowd, but Bryan getting off the stretcher gets a better reaction.

Orton immediately sends Bryan into the steps before throwing him back inside. Again he won’t cover though, allowing Batista to come back in and take the champ down. There’s the YES Lock to Batista but Orton is right back up for the save. Daniel is knocked to the floor by Batista’s spear and the RKO gets a VERY close two on Dave to get the fans back into it.

Another RKO is loaded up but Bryan comes back in with the running knee. Batista throws Bryan down but Orton kicks out at two. Another Batista Bomb puts Orton down but Bryan comes back in with the running knee and the YES Lock FINALLY makes Bryan champion, sending New Orleans into a frenzy. Cole dubs it the Miracle on Bourbon Street in a call I really like.

Rating: B. This needed to be five minutes shorter but my goodness they cranked up the emotions here. There was no other possible ending to this though and the fans ate up every single bit of it. The near falls on the finishers were great and I was totally buying into them as potential endings. Not a great match but exactly the way the show should have ended.

Confetti falls (and I got a piece which I still have) and a huge celebration finally ends the show.

Overall Rating: A-. Time has brought this show back down to earth a bit but it’s still incredibly fun. This was everything the fans could have wanted from Bryan (though not quite everything from Undertaker vs. Lesnar) and an incredibly emotional show. The wrestling here ranges from very good to mixed but the emotion is off the charts. That’s what matters at the end of the day and it was the perfect story being told. The show holds up almost completely and it’s still great and worth checking out. Bryan may never get back to the top again, but they can never take this night away from him and that’s not the worst prize.

Ratings Comparison

Usos vs. Real Americans vs. Los Matadores vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Original: B

Redo: B

HHH vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: A

Redo: A

Shield vs. Kane/New Age Outlaws

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena

Original: B

Redo: C+

Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Vickie Guerrero Divas Invitational

Original: D+

Redo: D

Daniel Bryan vs. Batista vs. Randy Orton

Original: A-

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: A+

Redo: A-

The main event was too high but the show is still an instant classic.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/04/07/wrestlemania-xxx-oh-yeah-i-went-there/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01D4D3EGQ

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 28, 2016
Location: Barclays Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Byron Saxton

It’s the final Raw before Wrestlemania and things are almost entirely set in stone. The big question is whether or not anything major happens between now and Sunday, as there’s still time for some big moves before we get into Dallas. There’s always a chance that it could happen but the go home Raw’s have been uneventful at times. Let’s get to it.

Here’s the Undertaker, who Cole calls the greatest of all time, to open things up. He gets right to the point (thankfully) and says that Shane’s blood will be on Vince’s hands, but Vince’s blood may be on Undertaker’s hands. This will NOT be his last Wrestlemania because the Cell is his house.

Cue Shane to say that Undertaker is fighting to not lose while he’s fighting to win. Shane is the agent of change that WWE has needed for a long time and no matter what happens, Shane will crawl down the aisle and stand in the middle of the ring to usher in a new era. Undertaker brings up legacies and Shane comes to the ring to get in his face. This talk doesn’t worry him because Undertaker’s legacy died two years ago at Wrestlemania.

Undertaker doesn’t want to hear about this because Shane has belonged to his father since the day he was born. That sets Shane off for his now standard offensive flurry, which still has no effect. They head outside with Shane escaping a Last Ride through the table and hitting Undertaker in the head (hands) with a monitor. Shane goes to the top for the top rope elbow which barely grazes Undertaker’s arm. However, since the New York fans are the smarkiest of smarky fans in the world, which translates to “we’ll cheer ANYTHING”, it’s called awesome, despite being borderline sad. Shane leaves and Undertaker sits up.

Chris Jericho vs. Zack Ryder

This is fallout from Jericho ripping into Ryder for being a loser on the pre-show. Before the match, here’s AJ Styles to interrupt. AJ still wants to face Jericho at Wrestlemania because that still hasn’t been booked for some reason. Ryder gets in a quick rollup for two to start but Jericho sends him to the floor. Jericho charges into the knees in the corner and Ryder’s middle rope dropkick puts Jericho in the corner. The Broski Boot is blocked by a Walls attempt but AJ starts a chant to make fun of Jericho, setting up a quick small package to give Ryder the pin at 1:55.

Jericho IMMEDIATELY hits a Codebreaker after the match to keep Ryder in his place. We get an old WCW style tantrum and Jericho agrees to the match.

Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch

Non-title and Sasha Banks is on commentary. They trade armdrags to start with Charlotte getting the better of it as we take an early break. Back with Becky running Charlotte over and Sasha getting to her feet. The distraction lets Ric trip Becky, setting up a big boot and Natural Selection to give Charlotte the pin at 6:28. Too much in the break to rate but Becky continues to look weak going into the title match.

Vince is in the back to say that he agrees the Cell is Undertaker’s yard but Shane wants the yard, the house and the whole WWE Universe. Shane comes in to say yell at Vince for thinking he’s the only one that can run Raw. This Sunday, Shane is letting out 40 years of frustration and taking the company from Vince, just like he took it from his dad.

Social Outcasts vs. Kane/Big Show

Barely a match as the Outcasts all come in for the DQ at 32 seconds.

The ring fills up with midcarders in the battle royal for the big brawl. Mark Henry, Kane and Big Show are left alone with Mark taking a double chokeslam. The Outcasts are chokeslammed at the same time.

We look back at Reigns attacking HHH and Stephanie last week.

Here are HHH and Stephanie, the former of which was announced as being on the way to the arena before the break. Stephanie orders all of us to get on our feet and show respect to the champ. HHH talks about how the largest crowd in history will be in Dallas this Sunday to see Reigns fall. It is the dream of every athlete to walk out on that stage and the dream of everyone here in this arena.

However, that’s never going to happen because they just don’t have the ability. Roman Reigns has that ability because he’s a one in a million talent but this Sunday he’s going to lose it all. We get a nice rant about how HHH’s obsession with this business and how it’s lead him to dominate this title for twenty years (not quite). That has allowed him to put on a suit and really run this business, only to have Reigns powerbomb him through that announce table four months ago.

All that did was reignite the fire in him though because maybe people had forgotten who he was. Now it’s time for HHH to become the old Game again and destroy Reigns once and for all. Stephanie screeches for a bit and here’s Reigns to a lot of booing. Thankfully he doesn’t say anything stupid but clears the ring, only to be booed even more.

The thing to remember here is this isn’t a response to what Reigns has been doing for the last month but rather to what he’s been doing for the last year and a half. The fans aren’t going to forget all the stupid promos and illogical booking that we’ve been subjected to. This has been a good final push for Reigns and things could get better in the future but Wrestlemania is looking like a wash at this point.

Stephanie and HHH promise to fix things.

Here’s New Day for a match but first of all they need to plug BootyO’s, the official cereal of Wrestlemania. They also question why the League of Nations doesn’t have their own cereal, with the theory being because it would suck. The fans LOVE New Day here, especially when Big E. praises New York pizza.

Kofi Kingston vs. Alberto Del Rio

Kingston starts fast and sends Del Rio outside for a quick concert. Back in and a charge misses, allowing Del Rio to hit his reverse superplex for two as we take a break. Kingston is still in trouble when we come back with Del Rio getting two more off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. The top rope double stomp misses for Alberto and the SOS gets two. Kofi misses in the corner again and a quick double stomp puts Kofi down. No cover though as Del Rio would rather shout and pose, allowing the armbreaker to be countered into a rollup for the pin at 7:40.

Rating: C-. Not great here as I’m getting tired of this feud. There’s a possibility that the titles have been cut out of the match to make it even less important than it already is, which was something you had to expect at some point. Kofi winning is a nice sign though as he’s really turning back into the version from nine years ago who looked like he could be something very special.

Post match THE COACH, as in Jonathan Coachman from ESPN, makes a surprise appearance to announce that SportsCenter will be covering Wrestlemania all day. He even dances a bit for fun.

We recap the opening brawl.

Roman Reigns is in the back for an interview when the Dudley Boys interrupt. Yeah because two people from NEW YORK are going to get Reigns cheered. HHH comes in for the sneak attack and Reigns is destroyed.

Konor vs. Kalisto

Non-title. Konor gets in an early headlock but Kalisto speeds things up with his kicks, followed by a dropkick to Viktor. A quick springboard Salida Del Sol puts Konor away at 1:49.

Post match Ryback comes out for a staredown.

Here are Heyman and Lesnar for the hard sell. Heyman talks about being the advocate for the baddest beast on the planet today before hyping us on the fact that we’re six days away. This year people have a once in a lifetime chance to see an athlete at the top of his game in Brock Lesnar. That’s why they’ve been looking for the right lunatic to take on Lesnar at Wrestlemania XXXII and Dean Ambrose happens to be smarter than he’s given credit for.

Dean has the opportunity to take some weapons and try to survive a no holds barred street fight against Brock Lesnar, which is the good news for Ambrose. However, the bad news is that he has a no holds barred street fight with BROCK LESNAR. Cue Dean with a wagon, which he fills with various “toys” from under the ring. Why he didn’t have those in there in the first place isn’t clear but he finds the barbed wire baseball bat and the chainsaw. After filling up the wagon, Dean leaves without even looking at Brock.

Paige vs. Emma

This is a preview match for the Total Divas (Paige/Alicia Fox/Brie Bella/Natalya) vs. what seems to be called Team Bad and Blonde (Lana/Naomi/Tamina/Summer Rae/Emma) for Sunday. Emma dropkicks Paige down to start and gets one off the former Emma Sandwich. The THIS IS MY HOUSE clothesline gets two for Paige but the other women get in an argument at ringside, allowing Lana to come in for a cheap shot to give Emma the pin at 2:53.

Post match the Total Divas get beaten down until Eva Marie of all people comes out for the save. The fans boo her almost as bad as Reigns but the rest of the Total Divas don’t seem impressed.

R-Truth comes up to Goldust and says it’s every man for himself in the battle royal. Goldust doesn’t care because they’re not a team.

Snoop Dogg is being inducted into the Hall of Fame.

Sami Zayn/Sin Cara/Dolph Ziggler vs. Kevin Owens/Stardust/The Miz

The fans are WAY behind Sami as he starts with Miz. The arm work sets up a tag off to Owens but he tags out to Stardust instead. Off to Ziggler (in a shirt for some reason) to hold Stardust down with a front facelock (notice that they’re being VERY safe this week) before superkicking Miz off the apron to take us to a break.

Back with Sin Cara coming in off the ropes for an elbow to Stardust’s shoulder. The fans chant for Byron Saxton and then JBL as Stardust clotheslines Sin out of the air. Owens makes Stardust tag Miz as the CM Punk chants break out. Sami comes in to draw an OLE chant (at least it’s about the match now) and gets stomped down by Stardust. That’s enough of the heels in control as it’s off to Ziggler for a lukewarm reaction. Miz gets in a cheap shot from the apron as Owens still won’t come in. Ziggler gets stomped down even more and we take a second break.

Back again with Ziggler still in trouble as Miz puts on a chinlock. Now it turns into a NEW DAY ROCKS chant because the “smart” fans are surprised that a go home show doesn’t have the most exciting action. Ziggler sends Stardust into the post and gives Miz the Fameasser, setting up the hot tag to Sami. Everything breaks down and Cara makes a blind tag, allowing Sami to dive onto Owens.

Cara’s high cross body gets two on Stardust but the Swanton hits knees. Sami comes in again but walks into the Skull Crushing Finale which sets off the Parade of Finishers, capped off by a big Cara moonsault to Stardust. Now Owens comes in but the Pop Up Powerbomb is countered with a dropkick. Miz and Stardust want nothing to do with Owens now (makes perfect sense), allowing the tornado DDT and Helluva Kick to put Kevin away at 21:22.

Rating: C-. The match was dull but of course the focus is going to be on the crowd who couldn’t to five minutes without having some big dive or flip to entertain them, meaning we’re stuck with more announcers chants. I liked the basic story they went with here and that’s the best thing about the match. Seeing Sami pin Owens was a great touch too, as I don’t think he ever did that in NXT.

Usos vs. Dudley Boyz and the Divas tag are now on the USA portion of the pre-show. No word on where the battle royal will air.

Here’s the Authority to wrap things up. Stephanie talks about how Reigns is going to fall and promises that there will be no new leadership next week. It’s about time they acknowledged this for a change. HHH doesn’t want to hear about him attacking Reigns from behind because there’s too much at stake. This brings out Reigns for another brawl with Reigns getting the better of it until a bunch of guys (the League, Dudley Boyz and Stardust) come out to pull him off. This brings out some good guys and it’s a big brawl. They’re finally separated but Reigns does a big dive over the ropes to take out the pile to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s a not horrible go home show for a not horribly built Wrestlemania. The crowd had its moments here but it’s pretty obvious that Sunday is going to be interesting and not in the best possible way. There’s some good stuff going on but they better knock it out of the part with everything they’re doing at the pay per view. Other than that, this was your standard go home Raw: not much action, a lot of pushing the pay per view, and little else. Oh and where are the Wyatts? Are they really just stuck in the battle royal? That’s the best they can get?

Results

Zack Ryder b. Chris Jericho – Rollup

Charlotte b. Becky Lynch – Natural Selection

Kane/Big Show b. Social Outcasts via DQ when all four Outcasts were in the ring at once

Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio – Small package

Kalisto b. Konor – Salida Del Sol

Emma b. Paige – Pin after a kick from Lana

Sami Zayn/Dolph Ziggler/Sin Cara b. Kevin Owens/The Miz/Stardust – Helluva Kick to Owens

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01D4D3EGQ

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: March 24, 2016
Location: TD Banknorth Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Jerry Lawler, Byron Saxton

Brock is here for a rare Smackdown appearance so you know we’re getting closer and closer to Wrestlemania. There are two shows left before the biggest show of the year and things are ranging from hot to lukewarm at best so it should be interesting to see which one we get here tonight. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte

Non-title and Becky Lynch is on commentary. We’re not quite ready to go though as Charlotte promises to lead the WOO Revolution over Sasha and Becky in front of a record setting crowd in Dallas. Simple speech but rather efficient. Like any good heel champion, Charlotte is on the floor before anything can happen to her. Back in and Sasha flips her over for two before slapping the champ in the face.

Charlotte comes back with a kick to the face and a neckbreaker, giving us a good old fashioned WOO. We hit the chinlock before a big chop puts Banks down again. A Thesz press gets two on the champ but the double knees in the corner miss. They head outside for a minute and it’s Sasha being whipped into Becky. Charlotte takes her back inside for the Figure Eight, only to be small packaged to give Sasha the surprise pin at 4:56.

Rating: C. Not a great match as they didn’t have time but hopefully the intensity shown here is a good indication of what we’re going to be seeing in Dallas. They’re doing a good job of setting this up as a match where anyone can win, even though I can’t imagine Becky having much of a chance. Good TV match here though and that’s how you build to the big stuff.

Post match Becky gets in the ring for a Bex Plex to both of them, followed by Sasha giving Charlotte a Backstabber.

Here’s New Day for their weekly chat. We’re just ten days away from Wrestlemania XXXII and they’ll be having a match against the League of Nations. The League is so boring that they’re like the going to the DMV of WWE. If they were a Star Wars character, they would be the Jar Jar Binks of WWE. Or if they were another sports star they would be the Michael Jordan of baseball. As usual, this was all about how strong New Day sells the material instead of whatever they’re actually saying.

Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus

No Del Rio for some reason. Sheamus isn’t playing around here and throws Kofi into the corner for an early stomping. It’s not quite the Unicorn Stampede but Sheamus is hardly trained for such combat. Kofi gets back up for some stomping of his own to send Sheamus to the floor. A big standoff is teased but the power of Francesca II calms things down. Kofi gets tripped off the apron though and we take a break.

Back with Kofi still in trouble and Rusev shouting in some insults. We hit the chinlock with Sheamus clearly calling some spots, one of which seems to be missing a middle rope knee drop. Things get even worse for Sheamus as he misses a charge into the post to start Kofi’s comeback. There’s the Boom Drop and Kofi follows with a flip dive over the top to take out Sheamus again. Back in and Sheamus grabs a suplex slam for two before going for a turnbuckle pad. Rusev offers a distraction so New Day chases him off, only to have Barrett’s distraction set up the Brogue Kick for the pin on Kofi at 10:28.

Rating: C-. Kofi is getting better and better every week, to the point where I could easily see him going up to the main event after the New Day run is over. You have to give the League something before they get to the pay per view though and this was as fine as anything else, especially with them playing up the numbers advantage for the League.

Usos vs. Ascension

Viktor runs Jey over to start and it’s off to Konnor for a chinlock. That goes as far as a first minute chinlock is going to go as Jey fights up and sends Konnor into the corner. Everything breaks down and a double superkick puts Viktor away at 1:37.

Post match the Usos put Viktor through a table.

The Dudley Boyz don’t think much of the Usos as they’re only two time Tag Team Champions. They’ve beaten up Rikishi and they could beat up the Wild Samoans, but here’s Roman Reigns to interrupt. Reigns doesn’t like the way Bubba is disrespecting his family so let’s have a fight tonight.

Long video on Shane vs. Undertaker, the same one from Raw.

Dolph Ziggler/Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens/The Miz

Sami and Miz get things going as we have to hear about the other three guys being added to the Intercontinental Title match for the sake of making it way more of a mess than it needs to be. Sami works on the arm to start (there’s a safe idea) before it’s off to Ziggler for a rollup. Owens: “WE GET IT! YOU WENT TO COLLEGE!” Dolph’s headlock slows things down but Miz puts a knee into his ribs to take over.

Owens comes in and eats a dropkick, only to run away from Zayn. He teases leaving again but this time Miz will have nothing to do with that and grabs Kevin’s arm, allowing Zayn to get in a dive to take them out. Some elbows to the head have Owens in trouble and that’s about it for this dream match. I would say save it for Wrestlemania but apparently we wanted a seven way ladder match including a guy who has won one match in nearly two years. Ziggler comes in and gets stomped in the corner before a catapult puts him on the floor.

We take a break and come back with Ziggler blocking the backsplash with the only counter that people use for that move. The hot tag brings in Sami for his running clotheslines and a high cross body to Miz. The Blue Thunder Bomb gets two as everything breaks down. Owens breaks up the Helluva Kick and a victory roll gets two on Miz. Both guys are down but now it’s time for Owens to walk out, only to have Sin Cara, Zack Ryder and Stardust stop him. Back in and Miz gives Owens a Skull Crushing Finale, setting up a superkick and Helluva Kick for the pin on Miz at 13:57.

Rating: C+. That scene with Ryder, Cara and Stardust coming out to stop Owens from leaving sums up every problem this title match has. If for whatever reason we can’t have Zayn vs. Owens, the best solution is to just add Miz and Ziggler to the mix. I’m not wild on it but it’s as good of a story as we can get. The other three can’t even get into a match on Smackdown and really do come off as people just there for the sake of being there. As usual, if you can eliminate something entirely and tell the same story, they’re really not necessary.

Post match Stardust comes in with the Queen’s Crossbow to Zayn. Ryder and Cara come in for the big brawl and it’s Ryder of all people standing tall.

Recap of Roman Reigns vs. HHH/Stephanie on Raw.

Roman Reigns vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Reigns comes through the entrance again. Bubba immediately hits the floor to yell at the fans which is why he’s such a great heel. Back in and a Superman Punch sends Ray right back out to the floor. The brawl heads outside and Ray is in even more trouble as Reigns slams him into the table over and over for a DQ at 1:52.

D-Von’s save attempt earns him a Superman Punch and some steps to the shoulder. Reigns spears Bubba for good measure.

Goldust is painting his face in the bathroom when R-Truth comes in to call him partner. They’re still not partners but Goldust denies coming down to help him on Monday. Somehow Truth knows that Goldust sleeps without clothes on so Goldust paints NO on Truth’s forehead. Truth looks in the mirror. “ON! IT’S ON!”

The Lucha Dragons are in the back to talk about how they can leave Wrestlemania with a title each. Cara leaves and Ryback comes in to talk about how much bigger and stronger he is than Kalisto. He can bench press Kalisto with one arm and ate that much weight for breakfast this morning. Ryback deserves the Wrestlemania spotlight and Kalisto can settle for a flashlight. Kalisto says he’ll win and leaves.

Tyler Breeze vs. AJ Styles

AJ starts with his striking sequence to send Breeze outside, setting up a springboard forearm. Breeze, who is announced for the Andre battle royal, knees AJ in the face but his superplex is broken up. Another Phenomenal Forearm is enough to pin Breeze at 2:03.

Here are Brock and Heyman to wrap things up. Heyman cuts off the speech by saying that his name is Paul Heyman and this is your main event of the evening. Brock is going to be your Wrestlemania moment, just like when he conquered the Streak. That still gets people to boo. That brings Heyman to the no holds barred street fight at Wrestlemania, which means Dean can use anything he can get his hands on against BROCK LESNAR.

It can be a chair, a table or a kendo stick but it won’t be enough. Now we have Mick Foley and Terry Funk handing Dean various weapons to use against Lesnar too. To shoot from the hip a bit, the only reason Funk and Foley are still alive is because Heyman’s prayers continue to go unanswered. What Ambrose doesn’t understand is that if Dean can get his hands on something, Brock can get his hands on as well. However, Brock can also get his hands on Dean and that’s just going to end badly.

Heyman invites Dean out to fight right now but he gets the Wyatt Family (minus Harper) instead. Brock seems to like the idea of being surrounded but here’s Dean to interrupt. Lesnar gets in a quick suplex to Rowan as Dean gets in, only to have Strowman take Brock’s head off with a clothesline. Dean’s distraction lets Brock suplex Strowman (first time for that I believe) before beating Lesnar down with the kendo stick. That’s fine with Brock who pops up and gives him an F5 to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The wrestling wasn’t great here but this was all about helping to set the stage for Wrestlemania. Things are really starting to shape up for the big night and they’re doing a better job of setting it up than they did last year. There are still some major issues on the pay per view of course but they’re doing what they can to fix some of them as fast as they can. This was a good enough building show and that’s exactly what it needed to be.

Results

Sasha Banks b. Charlotte – Small package

Sheamus b. Kofi Kingston – Brogue Kick

Usos b. Ascension – Double superkick to Viktor

Sami Zayn/Dolph Ziggler b. Kevin Owens/The Miz – Helluva Kick to Miz

Bubba Ray Dudley b. Roman Reigns via DQ when Reigns sent him into the announcers’ table

AJ Styles b. Tyler Breeze – Phenomenal Forearm

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01D4D3EGQ

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Wrestlemania XX
Date: March 14, 2004
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole

We’re back where it all started so it can all begin again. I’m not sure what that means either but it’s the tag line of the show. The main event tonight is a triple threat match because what would a WWE show be without one of those? It’s HHH defending the title against Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels, the latter of whom is here for absolutely no reason whatsoever. The other big match is Eddie Guerrero defending his newly won world title against Kurt Angle. There are some young guys getting their first Manai match tonight as well. Let’s get to it.

The Harlem Boys Choir sings America the Beautiful.

We get a shot of Vince standing in the dark before going into a video on the last twenty years of Wrestlemania which is a pretty cool sight. This transitions into a very serious video about everyone talking about how huge this match is for them. We hear that it all begins again tonight, transitioning to a shot of Vince’s newborn granddaughter. Cool idea.

US Title: John Cena vs. Big Show

Cena is challenging here and this is the culmination of a feud that lasted a few months. Show held the title for five months and defended it like three times. Cena does a rap before the match and is just INSANELY over. In New York. My how times have changed. Cena says Show can’t see him so Big shoves him into the corner. Show throws him to the floor but Cena guillotines him as they come back in. A cross body (why would you try that on Big Show?) is countered into a slam for two and the match slows down a lot.

The fans cheer for Cena as Show chops him in the corner. Cena comes back with some right hands but Show clotheslines him down with ease. Show stands on the bottom rope to crush it into Cena’s throat before a vertical suplex gets two. The champion stands on Cena’s back for good measure and drops a leg for two. Show tries a powerslam but gets caught in a sleeper, but the powers of fat break it up pretty easily.

There’s the cobra clutch by the champion for good measure but the fans applaud Cena to freedom. The hold goes right back on though and Cena is in more trouble. John slugs his way out again and gets a boot up to stop a charging Big Show. The FU hits but Show is out just a second after the two count. Since that didn’t work, Cena wraps a chain around his hand but when the referee takes them away, Cena gets brass knuckles to stun Big Show before a second FU gives him his first of many titles.

Rating: C. Slow match but this was a good choice for an opener. The fans were WAY into Cena as he was rapidly becoming the hottest thing in the company (until the rise of Batista of course). The FU was a great visual to open things up as fans are always going to react to freakish displays of strength like that. Good opener here and the fans are hotter than they already were, which is the right idea.

Coach is in the back talking to various people before going in to see Eric Bischoff. Eric sends him to find Undertaker.

Evolution (minus HHH of course) talks about taking out Mick Foley tonight and we get a clip of Orton kicking Foley down a flight of stairs 10 months ago to start the feud. They just happen to be in front of the same stairs, which is a great touch. Instead of having them show us the stairs in a photo, it adds atmosphere which is missing in most promos today. We see Foley walking away from Orton over the months and Evolution destroying Foley over the same months. Tonight it’s Rock teaming with Foley against Evolution in a handicap match which should be AWESOME. Really good package here on the match too.

Raw Tag Titles: La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Booker T/Rob Van Dam

Booker and RVD are defending and this is one fall to a finish. Booker has an AWFUL remix of his song here so hopefully they drop the belts so we don’t have to hear it again. Van Dam and Dupree get us going with Rob monkey flipping him down. Booker comes in with a side kick for two and a hip toss for an interfering Conway. Rene is knocked into the Dudley corner for a tag off to Bubba with the Dudley getting two off a neckbreaker. Booker comes back with a side kick but D-Von tags himself in before the cover. RVD jumps in with a kick to the face of D-Von but there was no tag so it’s Jindrak vs. Booker instead.

Cade and Jindrak take over on Booker in the corner but Rene steals a tag to take over. This match needs to end already. We’re four minutes in and I’m already bored. Conway hooks a bow and arrow hold which goes on WAY longer than needed. Booker fights out with a spinebuster for no cover but it’s not hot tag to RVD. Everything breaks down but D-Von breaks up the Five Star. It’s Booker vs. D-Von but Cade breaks up 3D. The scissors kick and Five Star are enough to pin Conway and retain the titles.

Rating: D. Sacre bleu what a waste of my time. No one card about this match because the tag division was so dead at this point that almost every team was just thrown together. Since this is Wrestlemania though, there’s ANOTHER four way tag match later tonight. Nothing to see here and the match sucked on all levels. Let’s get on to ANYTHING else.

Coach is in the back again and hears noises coming from a closet. He opens the door to find a disheveled Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan with an unbuttoned shirt. Coach thinks there’s something going on between the two of them but Heenan says there was a poker game going on. Moolah and Mae Young come out of the same closet and drag the guys back in. Heenan screams for help and Coach shakes his head. When I said ANYTHING else, I didn’t mean THAT.

We recap Christian vs. Jericho which is a pretty awesome story. Month ago Christian and Jericho made a bet for $1 Canadian that Jericho could sleep with Trish before Christian could sleep with Lita. Jericho wound up falling for Trish but she found out about the bet. He’s spent months begging for her forgiveness but Christian got tired of hearing Jericho whining like this.

Trish agreed to just be friends but Christian started hitting on her. Bischoff made Christian vs. Trish with Christian agreeing to lay down for her. Christian decided to show some tough love by putting her in the Walls of Jericho, setting up Christian vs. Jericho tonight with Jericho fighting for the honor of his love. This is one of my favorite feuds.

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

They lock up to start with Jericho getting very aggressive and taking Christian down by the hair. A belly to back suplex gets two for Jericho and he backdrops Christian over the top and out to the floor. Chris hits a big spring plancha but can’t hook the Walls back inside. Christian sends Jericho over the top and out to the floor in a big crash. Back in and Christian chokes away before slapping his own chest a bit. A knee to Jericho’s ribs gets two and it’s off to a neck crank.

Christian pulls some of Jericho’s hair out for good measure before covering. Off to a chinlock with a knee in Chris’ back but it’s quickly broken up into another failed Walls attempt. A forearm puts Christian down and there’s a running crotch attack to Christian in 619 position. The running enziguri gets two for Jericho before they trade rollups for two each. A northern lights suplex gets two for Chris but the bulldog sets up the Lionsault which hits knees.

Jericho charges into an elbow into the corner and gets taken down by a reverse tornado DDT for two. The reverse DDT into a backbreaker puts Jericho down again but Christian goes up and gets crotched. He blocks a superplex though and hits a top rope cross body, only for Jericho to roll through for two. This is solid stuff so far. Christian kicks Jericho in his injured knee and puts on the old school Texas Cloverleaf. In an impressive counter, Jericho gets underneath Christian and rolls through into the Walls but AGAIN Christian makes the ropes.

Jericho takes it to the floor and puts on the Walls out there before having to break the count. Back in and a butterfly superplex gets a VERY close two on Christian as Trish comes bouncing down the aisle. An inverted DDT puts Chris down for two and Christian spots Trish. He drags her into the ring but Jericho makes the save. Not being able to see though, Trish blasts Jericho in the face, allowing Christian to hook a quick rollup for the pin.

Rating: B. As I said I’m a bit fan of this match and the angle that went along with it. This was Christian’s best singles match to date and he looked perfectly capable of hanging with a more talented guy like Jericho. Trish of course would play a much bigger role just after the match, so let’s get to the interesting part.

Post match Trish apologizes to Jericho before slapping him, turning into EVIL Trish. Christian lays out Jericho and leaves with the girl. Evil Trish was SMOKING hot and we would get to see a lot more of her as this feud continued for months.

Mick Foley talks about the emotion of being back in New York but Rock interrupts him. He says that FINALLY they’re back here and Mick Foley is home. Rock hijacks the camera and finds Rosey and Hurricane eating hamburgers and Jimmy Snuka and Don Muraco just hanging out. Rock sends the cameraman into the arena to get a shot of the people but has him come back because it’s Rock N Sock’s night.

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

It’s Flair/Orton/Batista here and Orton is Intercontinental Champion. The brawl is on to start with Rock fighting the young guys and Flair getting punched by Foley. Evolution is knocked out to the floor until we start with Rock vs. Flair. Rock immediately elbows him down and does the Flair strut to send Naitch to the floor. A backdrop puts Flair down and they fight to the floor, only to have Ric get caught in another backdrop. Foley drops an elbow off the apron and Evolution is in trouble to start.

Foley wants to come in to face Orton but Randy immediately bails to the floor to great heat. We finally get inside for the fight that people want to see as Foley pounds away and puts Orton in the Tree of Woe. Off to Rock who punches Orton in the “stomach” before clotheslining him down for no cover. Ric gets clipped in the back of the head by Flair which draws him into the corner, sending the fight to the floor. Batista drops Rock face first onto the barricade to take over.

Back in and Batista pounds on Rock, dropping him down with an elbow for two. Flair comes in again to chop at Rock before going up with even Lawler making fun of Flair for it never working. Big Dave comes in again to pound on Rock but the Brahma Bull gets over to the corner to bring in Foley. Mick pounds away on Batista and punches him down in the corner, only to be taken down by Batista’s big running clothesline. Foley goes after Orton on the floor but Flair jumps him to stop the comeback.

As is his custom, Flair is sent knees first into the steps, causing some cringing pain. Back in and Orton drops knees on Foley’s head before it’s back to Flair for a hard chop. That’s all for Ric right now and it’s back to Orton for a reverse chinlock. Batista takes Orton’s place and pounds away with rights and lefts, only to be caught in a quick Mandible Claw. Batista escapes but gets caught in a swinging neckbreaker. That’s STILL not enough for the hot tag to Rock though, and the crowd continues to want it more and more. A quick right hand to Flair is enough for the tag to Rock though, and the reaction isn’t all that great.

Rock cleans house with everything he can but walks into a spinebuster by Batista. Instead of a cover though, we get the People’s Elbow from Naitch, complete with strut! The elbow doesn’t have a chance to be launched though as Rock nips up and pounds away on Flair with right hands. The spinebuster sets up the real Elbow with Rock strutting for two. Another tag brings in Orton who walks right into a Rock Bottom for two. The big clothesline puts Rock down and there’s the Batista Bomb for good measure.

That gets two for Randy but Rock drops him again, allowing for the tag to Foley and there’s the pop we were waiting for. Evolution is knocked down and there’s the double arm DDT to Orton. Mr. Socko returns but Orton SNAPS off an RKO for the pin out of nowhere. The look of shock on Orton’s face and Foley getting up and three and a half and looking around as if to say “what happened” are great touches.

Rating: B. Very solid match here with all five guys feeling it at Wrestlemania. The ending is perfect and makes Orton look all the better as he got the fall on a fresh Foley with the RKO out of nowhere. This led to a great match at Backlash which cemented Orton as a player. This was also Rock’s last match for seven and a half years. Great match though and well worth checking out for a lesson in how to give a perfect rub.

Foley gets a standing ovation and Rock is just kind of there. Again, they don’t steal the spotlight, making it clear that Evolution is the important group here. Very well done.

We get some clips from the Hall of Fame induction ceremony last night which is the first class inducted in eight years. Heenan wishing Monsoon was there still makes me smile.

Here’s Gene Okerlund to introduce the Hall of Fame class. The class includes Bobby Heenan (good ovation), Tito Santana (should get a bigger ovation), Big John Studd (represented by his son), Harley Race (the pop starts before Gene can even speak), Pete Rose (booed, although I’ve heard he was as humble as you could ask anyone to be), Don Muraco (polite applause), Greg Valentine (bigger ovation than I expected), Junkyard Dog (represented by his daughter), Billy Graham (biggest pop so far), Sgt. Slaughter (decent pop) and Jesse Ventura (solid pop). Next year’s class had Hogan in it to give the thing some credibility.

Sable/Torrie Wilson vs. Miss Jackie/Stacy Keibler

This is an evening gown match and the annual Playboy promotional match. Sable and Torrie posed together and had a teased lesbian angle around this time. Sable wants to just wrestle without clothes but Jackie (Gayda, as in the attractive one) says no. Everyone else winds up in lingerie and Jackie is soon stripped too. This is exactly what you would expect: horny announcers, sexual spots, very little wrestling and very little complaining from most fans. Stacy kicks Torrie’s head off for two and it’s back to Jackie. We get the rolling over the referee spot and Torrie rolls up Jackie for the pin. This was what it was.

We hear from some fans who are excited to be here.

Eddie comes in to see Benoit but Benoit doesn’t want to hear about how big of a night this is. Guerrero of course talks about all the pressure on Benoit but Benoit says he believes in himself and that he’s never been more ready. Eddie says Benoit needs to have fire in his eyes and it finally comes out, so Eddie is very happy.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

Chavo Guerrero, Ultimo Dragon, Shannon Moore, Akio, Tajiri, Jamie Noble, Funaki, Rey Mysterio, Billy Kidman, Nunzio

This is different from what the Cruiserweight Open would wind up being when it was a free for all. This is basically a gauntlet match with everyone at ringside and two guys starting. It’s elimination rules and last man standing is champion. Chavo comes in defending and gets to come in tenth for no apparent reason. We start with Moore vs. Dragon who fight over a hammerlock. Moore tries to speed things up but gets caught in a standing Sliced Bread for a fast pin. I now remember why I hate gauntlet matches.

Jamie Noble is in next and after avoiding a moonsault, he hooks a neckbreaker and a guillotine choke to put Dragon out. Funaki comes in and gets small packaged for the pin less in about three seconds. Nunzio is in and takes Noble to the mat in a hurry before being sent out to the floor. Noble hits a sweet flip dive off the top to the floor and rams Nunzio into the apron for a countout. Billy Kidman is in next but Nunzio trips him up. Noble heads to the floor as Kidman slides back inside for a Shooting Star off the top to take both guys out.

Back in and Kidman breaks up the guillotine choke and enziguris Noble down. The Shooting Star is broken up but Kidman hits a BK Bomb (D’Lo Brown’s Sky High) for the elimination. Mysterio (as the Flash this year) comes in with a springboard seated senton but gets dropkicked down for two for Kidman. Billy loads up something off the top but gets caught in a sunset bomb for the pin. Mysterio vs. Tajiri now as Rey is caught in the Tarantula. Mysterio will have none of this selling stuff and there’s the 619 but Tajiri kicks him down.

Akio gets on the apron but gets caught in the Green Mist, which means he’s out for no apparent reason (my guess is they’re out of time) so here’s Chavo vs. Mysterio which is what this whole match should have been in the first place. Tajiri gets in a cheap shot on Mysterio and it’s Guerrero in control early. Rey comes back with a headscissors and a baseball slide to Chavo Senior. There’s a big dive onto an old man to pop the crowd (New York is mean!) but as Mysterio comes back in with a sunset flip, Chavo Jr. drops down and has Senior’s help for the pin on Mysterio to retain.

Rating: D. What am I supposed to get into off of this match? The longest fall was maybe two minutes in length and none of them were anything of note. The match should have just been Rey vs. Chavo, but because of the annoying Wrestlemania payday, we need to jam in eight other guys to ruin the match. Also this brings up the universal problem with these matches: if it’s possible to get all these two minute pins, why do matches usually last five times or so as long?

We recap Brock vs. Goldberg which started at the Rumble. Goldberg wasn’t impressed by Lesnar so Brock interfered in the Rumble and tossed Goldberg out. Austin left Goldberg a ticket for No Way Out where Lesnar defended the title against Eddie Guerrero. As you can guess, Goldberg cost him the title and tonight it’s about revenge. Brock blamed Austin for the loss and stole his ATV which Austin got back. Austin is also guest referee tonight to keep the match from falling apart.

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

The catch here is that both guys are leaving and the fans know it, so they boo them both out of the building. Goldie gets his full entrance from the back. The fans IMMEDIATELY start chanting YOU SOLD OUT at Lesnar who is going to the NFL after this match. They circle each other and Austin says get to it. Now the fans sing the GOODBYE song with the guys still making zero contact over a minute in. The fans chant for the referee as Goldberg looks at Austin. Still no contact. After nearly THREE MINUTES of circling each other they lock up.

Amusingly enough, Goldberg is said to have an advantage because he’s a mixed martial arts aficionado. They lock up and shove each other away as it’s almost four minutes in without even a punch being thrown. We get a second lockup with the same result. The crowd is booing loudly now. Literally five minutes in Lesnar grabs a headlock for the first actual move of the match. They trade shoulder blocks with no one going anywhere. They collide again with both guys going down and we’re somehow six minutes into this match.

Now they stare at each other as the fans are about to riot. The fans cheer for HOGAN of all people and that’s FINALLY enough to get something going. Goldberg presses him over his head and drops him into a kind of spinebuster for two. The spear misses though and Goldberg hits the buckle chest first. The fans think Goldberg sucks as he is sent into the post. Back in and Brock gets two off a suplex and then hooks a modified headlock. The fans chant for Hogan again.

Back to the same headlock after a brief break before they collide again. Brock gets two as Austin is still a complete non factor. He seems to be the rodeo clown out there to keep everything from falling apart. Well, falling completely apart because we’re long past falling apart. JR is polite and calls this match pedestrian. Goldberg comes back with some clotheslines and a swinging neckbreaker of all things as the Hogan chant starts again. There’s the spear for two but Goldie spends too much time arguing with Austin and walks into an F5 for two. Brock tries a spear but misses, so a spear and Jackhammer can finish Brock.

Rating: E. As in embarrassing, which is what this was. Have some pride out there people. I know you’re leaving and the fans don’t care, but man alive have some effort out there. If I was an NFL team and Brock gave that kind of a performance I wouldn’t want anything to do with him. No he doesn’t want to be there but that’s his job until his contract expires. This was embarrassing to watch and they deserve the booing they received. Austin added nothing here but he didn’t really need to.

Post match Brock flips off Austin and gets Stunned for his efforts. Goldberg has a beer and gets Stunned for good measure.

Wrestlemania 21 is in Los Angeles.

Vince actually comes out and thanks the fans for getting us here and hopes they’ll be there in the future. Cool moment there.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Too Cool vs. Basham Brothers vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. APA

That would be Scotty and Rikishi who are defending coming in. One fall to a finish again. Bradshaw and Shelton start things off with the Texan taking him down with a shoulder and getting two off an elbow drop. Doug Basham comes in to beat up Shelton now and it’s off to Danny. Shelton tags in Haas for a slam onto Haas’ knee in a cool spot. Scotty comes in to fight Charlie as this is going nowhere.

In another creative spot, Scotty skins the cat but lands in the Shelton jumps over Charlie’s back to land on Scotty for two. Charlie tags off to Doug for a kick to Scotty’s face. The hot tag brings in Rikishi to clean house and knocks Shelton to the floor to break up the German suplex. Charlie gets a Stinkface and Bradshaw launches Doug to the floor with a fallaway slam. There’s the Clothesline to Danny but Bradshaw walks into a Samoan Drop. Rikishi sits on Danny to end it and retain.

Rating: D. Whatever man. Seriously, I wouldn’t have remembered this match if you put a gun to my head, just like with the other tag title match. They’re just not interesting at all and there was nothing here to remember at all. There needed to be just one set of tag belts at this point and these matches make it painfully obvious.

Rikishi and Scotty dance for old times’ sake.

Edge is returning soon.

Jesse Ventura interviews Donald Trump, who is at like his fifth Wrestlemania. Ventura implies they’ll run for the White House together.

Molly Holly (looking GREAT here with the shoulder length dark hair) is excited about her hair vs. title match against Victoria. This can’t end well.

Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Victoria

Victoria is defending and Molly has her hair on the line. The champion has the awesome All The Things She Said as her theme song as is looking sweet in white here. They lock up to start and Molly pounds her down before whipping Victoria into the corner. Victoria nips up off the mat and sends Molly to the floor but loses control soon thereafter. Back in again as the match is already going slowly.

A low dropkick gets two on Victoria and it’s off to a reverse cravate by Molly. A quick rollup gets two for Victoria as JR says he doesn’t wear underwear. Victoria powerslams her down for two but Molly heads up a few seconds later. An attempted superplex is countered into a slow motion sunset bomb for two for Molly. A backslide out of nowhere retains the title for Victoria, meaning it’s time to see a bald Holly.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here other than both girls looking incredibly cute. As is usually the case, there’s no explanation given for why this match is happening, nore does anyone seem interested in telling us. Molly would get a wig soon after this which admittedly was pretty amusing. Nothing to the match which didn’t even last five minutes.

Molly tries to put Victoria into the barber’s chair post match but can’t get the clippers to work. The champion fights back and lays Molly out for the haircut.

We recap Eddie vs. Angle. Eddie, as a former drug addict, has no business being champion according to Kurt. Guerrero is also in WAY over his head because of how good Angle is. Heyman, the Smackdown GM, hates Eddie for no apparent reason on top of that.

Post video, Molly is VERY bald.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero

Feeling out process to start with Eddie taking Angle to the mat in a surprising development. Angle sits out and the fans applaud what they see. Angle takes over with a headlock but Eddie reverses into one of his own. A shoulder block puts Eddie down and he isn’t sure what to do from here. Now the champion grabs a headlock followed by three straight shoulders to knock Angle down. Kurt bails to the floor for a breather.

Back in and Eddie takes him down with an armdrag but Angle takes control again with a sweet amateur move into a front facelock. Eddie comes out of it with a series of armdrags into an armbar as the fans applaud again. Guerrero switches over to a keylock but Angle shoves him off and drives a knee into the ribs to take over. Like any good ring general, he follows up on an injured body part with an abdominal stretch.

Eddie rolls out and tries Three Amigos but gets countered into a German instead. Eddie gets thrown to the apron but Angle slides through the ropes and tries the German off the apron but Guerrero escapes because it would, you know, kill him. Back inside and Eddie dropkicks Angle back to the floor as things slow down a bit. Guerrero tries to dive off the top to take Angle out but lands ribs first on the barricade. That’s adding to the story they started with the ribs, making it awesome.

Back inside and a backbreaker gets two for Angle and it’s off to a body vice on the champion. Eddie fights up but gets dropped ribs first on the top rope for two. Angle unleashes the suplexes again with an overhead release belly to belly for no cover. There’s another one for two and it’s back to the body grip. Another belly to belly gets another near fall as Angle is getting frustrated. Angle puts him on the top but gets shoved off as a result. A fast Frog Splash attempt misses though and Eddie’s ribs are in big trouble.

Angle punches Eddie to send Cole into a frenzy because Michael Cole is an authority on ethics all of a sudden. Eddie gets up and says HIT ME AGAIN so Angle does just that. Guerrero grabs a fast suplex for two but Angle escapes a second before rolling the Germans. Eddie counters the second one into a rollup for two but Angle takes Eddie’s head off with a clothesline to stop him again.

The champion escapes the Angle Slam with an armdrag and starts doing his Latino dance. He STILL can’t hit the Three Amigos though as Angle counters into the ankle lock. Eddie kicks him away and dropkicks Kurt down before heading up. Angle pops up again and runs the ropes for the belly to belly, putting both guys down again. Kurt takes the straps down and puts on the ankle lock but Eddie rolls out into a cradle for two.

Another German suplex puts Guerrero down again but the champion counters the Angle Slam into a DDT. Now the Frog Splash hits for a VERY close two. When I watched this the first time I thought that was it. Eddie isn’t sure what to do and gets caught in the ankle lock as a result. He almost taps but manages to swing Angle out to the floor. Eddie unlaces his boot with Kurt down on the floor to relieve some pressure. Guerrero crawls away as Kurt gets back in and lets him pick the ankle. Eddie kicks Angle away, losing his boot in the process. Angle is confused and Eddie small packages him to retain in a brilliant move.

Rating: A. Great match here with the psychology flowing freely. Eddie was BRILLIANT out there as he had finally took it away from the wrestling game and got Angle out of his comfort zone. The dueling rolling suplexes were a great touch too as neither guy could hit them but it was a battle to try. Great match and well worth checking out.

We recap Kane vs. Undertaker. Other than their huge history dating back over six years, Kane had helped literally bury Undertaker at Survivor Series in a buried alive match. At Wrestlemania, the gong went off to scare Undertaker and he’s back tonight as the Dead Man for the first time in four and a half years.

Kane vs. Undertaker

The visual on Kane’s entrance is really cool as the set is designed to look like New York City and it has fire all over it as Kane comes out. Sweet. The lights go out and we get Paul Bear’s Ooooooooooooooooooooooh YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES. Since this is Wrestlemania, we get druids, smoke, and torches. Now we get thunder and lightning and a gong, which gives us the Undertaker. He has shorter hair now which would be his look for the next eight years or so. The entrance, as always, is excellent.

Kane shouts that Undertaker isn’t real and reaches out to touch him, earning the right hands from Undertaker. Undertaker calls for the chokeslam but Kane runs out to the floor. Taker is fine with that and the brawl heads to the floor with the Dead Man in full control. There’s the apron legdrop and we head back inside for a running clothesline in the corner. All Undertaker so far as JR actually tries to push this as a brand vs. brand match. Taker loads up the Last Ride but gets backdropped into the ropes in an awkward looking spot.

Kane chokes away on the mat and talks trash about telling Undertaker to not come back. Undertaker comes back with rights and lefts, only to walk into the side slam. The top rope clothesline crushes Undertaker for a close two. Kane misses a charge in the corner and there’s a big boot to put Kane down. Taker follows it up with a legdrop (BROTHER) and Old School for good measure. Scratch that actually as Kane catches him by the throat and hits the chokeslam. Kane laughs maniacally but Taker sits up to a BIG ovation. The Taker chokeslam and tombstone make Taker I believe 12-0.

Rating: D+. Yeah the match sucked but this was all about the moment and making it clear that Undertaker was back. That worked like a charm here and the match worked quite well for what it was supposed to be. This would of course lead to Paul Bearer being locked in a tomb made of concrete. You don’t see the connection?

We recap the main event. HHH is world champion because he’s HHH, Benoit won the Rumble and switched brands, and Shawn is here because he’s a whiny little man that can’t accept that he didn’t win at the Rumble. Therefore he superkicked Benoit and signed Benoit’s contract, which apparently you can just do and have it be legally binding. The solution was to make a triple threat match because that’s what WWE does.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit

HHH (and his big white boots) bail to the floor as the other two chop it out. They head to the mat with Benoit bridging up into a backslide attempt but Shawn blocks. The Crossface doesn’t work but Benoit gets two off a northern lights suplex. The Game comes back in to take over and he slugs both guys down. Shawn is thrown over the top rope for some skinning of the cat but comes back in to pound away at the champion in the corner.

The high knee takes Shawn down for two and a less high knee puts Benoit on the floor. Benoit has his back rammed into the barricade but Shawn baseball slides both of them onto the concrete. That is followed up by a big moonsault to the floor to take out all three guys and wow the crowd a bit. Shawn and HHH go back inside but Benoit has to come in with a clothesline to break up a Pedigree. Shawn goes shoulder first into the post at the hands of the Canadian but HHH ties Benoit up in the Tree of Woe.

Michaels whips HHH into Benoit and rolls up the champion for two before nipping up, only to be clotheslined out to the floor by Benoit. Chris rolls some Germans on the champion but Shawn comes back to break up the Swan Dive. HHH DDTs Shawn down and superplexes Benoit for a pair of two’s. Benoit gets a weak Crossface on HHH but Michaels makes the save. Now Shawn tries to roll Germans on Benoit but you can’t do that to a Canadian (without being Kurt Angle of course), and Benoit reverses into Germans of his own on Shawn.

The Swan Dive hits Shawn for two as HHH makes another save. HHH low bridges Benoit to the floor and it’s time for DX to fight again. Shawn drops the top rope elbow on HHH and there’s Sweet Chin Music for good measure but it only gets two. Benoit makes the save and it’s time to chop a Canadian. Michaels has to fight off the Sharpshooter but can’t avoid a catapult into the post. There’s the Crossface on Shawn but HHH grabs Shawn’s hand to prevent tapping. That catapult into the post busted Shawn open too.

Out to the floor they go with HHH whipping Benoit into the steps to put him down. HHH loads up the announce table but Benoit fights him onto said table. Benoit fights out of a Pedigree attempt but here’s Shawn on the table as well. A double suplex/slam sends Benoit flying through a table and it’s down to one on one for all intents and purposes. HHH pounds away on Shawn in the corner but gets backdropped out to the floor, taking out the referee in the process. Shawn sends him into the post to bust the champion open too.

Back in and HHH hits a Pedigree out of nowhere but he’s too exhausted to cover. Eventually he does but Benoit pops in to break it up at the last second. Shawn falls out to the floor as Benoit chops the champion. The Pedigree is countered into the Sharpshooter but Shawn comes back in with Sweet Chin Music to break it up, but only for two. Michaels tunes up the band again but misses the superkick and gets backdropped to the floor. Benoit hooks the Crossface on HHH and holds onto it even as Benoit rolls into the middle of the ring until HHH taps out, giving Benoit the world title.

Rating: A+. I can’t stand triple threat matches but this is a masterpiece. They were so crisp with everything and while Shawn didn’t need to be there at all, it was still an excellent match. Benoit winning was the absolutely right decision (and would have been the year before as well) but it was the feel good moment they needed.

Eddie comes out to celebrate with his friend as confetti falls to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This show really does hold up quite well. It’s not a masterpiece or anything but the two world title matches are must see. Unfortunately that’s about all that’s must see as this over four hour long show (yes, OVER FOUR HOURS) is in need of some trimming (the tag titles would be a great place to start) but it’s still a solid show. The ending scene is hard to watch as the two crumbled under the pressure and ultimately would be gone less than four years later. Still though, the first moment was excellent.

Ratings Comparison

John Cena vs. Big Show

Original: C-

Redo: C

Booker T/Rob Van Dam vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Dudley Boys vs. La Resistance

Original: D

Redo: D

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: B

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

Original: A

Redo: B

Torrie Wilson/Sable vs. Stacy Keibler/Miss Jackie

Original: F

Redo: N/A

Cruiserweight Open

Original: D+

Redo: D

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: F

Redo: E

Too Cool vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers vs. APA

Original: D

Redo: D

Victoria vs. Molly Holly

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A

Redo: A

Undertaker vs. Kane

Original: D

Redo: D+

Chris Benoit vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: B

That’s as close to identical as you’re going to get.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/27/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-20-where-it-all-begins-again-with-two-dead-guys/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01D4D3EGQ

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XIX
Date: March 30, 2003
Location: Safeco Field, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 54,097
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

We’re into the brand split now, which means there are two world titles to deal with. On this show however there are two other matches which could easily be considered the main event. This show is considered one of the best Wrestlemanias of all time but I’ve never been the biggest fan of it due to reasons I’ll list later on. My opinion has been changed before though so let’s get to it.

The opening video is about what Wrestlemania means to everyone. This is the theme they went with last year and it works here like it did last year. Interestingly enough most of these highlights are from Wrestlemania X7 instead of last year’s show.

The theme song is called Crack Addict. Needless to say this was never mentioned on TV.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy

Matt is defending and this is during his Matt Hardy Version 1 period. In other words, he was completely self obsessed and had factoids popping up on screen during his entrance (Matt is appearing in his 4^th Wrestlemania, Matt often wonders how they did Wrestlemania without him, Matt strongly dislikes mustard etc). He also has Shannon Moore as his Mattitude Follower (MF’er). Matt tries to speed things up to start but Rey backdrops him to the apron and adds a fast headscissors to take over. Oh and Rey is starting the “dress up like a superhero at Wrestlemania” thing here by wearing a Daredevil themed mask.

Rey loads up a sunset bomb to the floor but Moore makes another save. The champion takes over with a shot to the ribs for two back inside before hitting a Ricochet (kind of side slam) for two. Rey jumps into a kick to the ribs but still counters the Twist of Fate into a rollup for two. The Side Effect gets two for the champion and it’s off to a bow and arrow hold.

That doesn’t last long so Matt tries a shoulder into the corner, only to go shoulder first into the post. Rey hits a springboard seated senton and a tornado DDT for two each but Moore breaks up the 619. Twist of Fate gets two and Hardy is getting frustrated. Matt loads up a superplex but gets countered into a rana out of the corner for two. Moore tries to interfere again but Hardy is rammed into him instead, allowing Rey to hit the 619. The West Coast Pop is ducked though and Matt rolls him up with a handful of ropes to retain.

Rating: C+. This felt like it ended out of nowhere which isn’t the right way to end a match like this. Mysterio was brand new and WAY over at this point, so not giving him the title here was kind of a headscratching move. Rey would win the title from Hardy, although it wouldn’t be for another three months. The match itself was still pretty solid stuff though with both guys moving all over the place and Matt using enough power moves to counter Rey while still being fast enough to be a cruiserweight if that makes sense.

The Miller Lite Catfight Girls are here. This would be your celebrity involvement for the year. They were from a series of beer commercials and would argue over various stupid things, in this case which match is bigger: Vince vs. Hogan or Rock vs. Austin III.

We recap Undertaker’s partner for later tonight, Nathan Jones, being laid out by A-Train and Big Show earlier tonight.

Limp Bizkit plays Undertaker to the ring and no one cares. By plays to the ring I mean performs the song until Taker finally comes out.

Undertaker vs. A-Train/Big Show

Taker avoids a sneak attack to start and hits a quick chokeslam on A-Train for two. Big Show pulls him to the floor though and will be starting it seems. Taker has to fight out of the wrong corner and it’s quickly off to A-Train. The dead man busts out a LEAPFROG of all things before taking A-Train down with a back elbow. Old School hits but Taker has to punch Big Show instead of covering.

The Derailer (chokebomb) puts Taker down and Big Show rams him into the post for good measure. Back in and A-Train hits a slingshot into the middle rope for two. Big Show comes in again and all Taker can do is throw desperate right hands. A Big Show chokeslam is countered into a Fujiwara Armbar of all things but A-Train comes in to break it up. Taker throws him in a cross armbreaker but Big Show legdrops him to take control.

Off to an abdominal stretch by Big Show to slow things down a bit. A-Train adds in some cheating before coming in for an abdominal stretch of his own. Now Taker counters into one of his own to complete the set (You can own them all!), only to have A-Train hip toss his way out of it. A-Train clotheslines him down and talks some LOUD trash before Taker comes back with right hands. A running DDT gets two for Taker but it’s back to Big Show.

Taker is like screw this defense stuff and pounds away on Big Show in the corner before running across the ring over and over for clotheslines to both guys. The jumping clothesline puts Show down but a bicycle kick from A-Train puts him down all over again. There’s a Big Show chokeslam but here’s Nathan Jones in the aisle to knock out Big Show with a spin kick. Jones come in and kicks A-Train down, setting up the Tombstone to continue the Streak.

Rating: C. Another not bad match here with Taker doing what he could with two guys this size. It was kind of slow, but there’s only so much you can do with this kind of a clash of styles and no partner for the Dead Man. While definitely not memorable or anything, it did well enough at what it was supposed to do, bad musical number aside.

Undertaker waves an American flag post match to show how awesome he is.

The Catfight Girls run into Stacy Keibler and Torrie in the back with talk of a new marketing campaign. Next.

We recap the Heat match where the Dudleys cost RVD and Kane the tag titles for no apparent reason. This won’t be mentioned again tonight.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz vs. Victoria

Victoria is defending and is still psycho here. She’s also Tara for you TNA fans. Jazz hits a quick dropkick for two on Trish before Victoria can even get to the ring. Off to what we would call a Last Chancery to the Canadian after the champion is knocked to the floor. Everyone winds up outside with the champion taking over. She sends Trish back inside for a slingshot legdrop, getting two. Jazz and Victoria square off now before turning their attentions back to Stratus for some double teaming.

That goes nowhere though as it’s time for the villains to fight again with Jazz getting two off a powerslam. Trish comes back with a rollup on Victoria for two but she clotheslines Trish down for two as a result. Jerry: “Trish is like a quarter among pennies in there.” JR: “…..what?” Jazz hits a sitout powerslam for two on Stratus before arguing with Victoria even more. A spin kick by Jazz hits Victoria by mistake and allows Trish to roll her up for two. The Chick Kick puts Jazz down and the Stratusphere does the same to Victoria.

The champion is knocked to the floor as Jazz puts Trish in a half crab which is transitioned into an STF. Victoria’s boyfriend/manager Steven Richards comes in to send Jazz to the floor, allowing the other two to trade rollups for two each. Jazz comes back in and lifts Trish up for a double chickenwing before dropping her down on her uh…face. Yeah face. Victoria kicks Jazz down but misses a moonsault, knocking herself to the floor. Richards comes in and hits himself with a chair. As he goes to the floor, Trish hits the Chick Kick on Victoria for the pin and the title.

Rating: C. Not bad again here and one of the better women’s matches I’ve seen in a long time. There wasn’t much of a story being told here but at the same time, they looked like they knew what they were doing and never looked lost, which puts them miles ahead of anything in the last three years of Divas matches.

Hollywood Rock doesn’t want to hear about the People because they booed him last year. Rock is indeed a sellout because he sells out every Wrestlemania he’s been at. Tonight he doesn’t care about the people because tonight is about fulfilling his destiny by beating Austin at Wrestlemania once and for all. He talks about everyone remembering Act III and they’ll remember it tonight when Rock beats Austin in their final encounter at Wrestlemania. Not his best work here.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Chris Benoit/Rhyno vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Haas and Benjamin are defending here. This is Benoit’s reward for having the match of the year against Angle two months earlier, followed by a feud with the freaking FBI while Kevin Nash got world title shots on PPV. I’m sure HHH has NOTHING to do with this right? It’s a big brawl to start until we get down to Benoit vs. Guerrero for a chop off. They collide in the middle of the ring with both guys going down. Rhyno comes in to face Eddie and gets two off a powerslam.

Off to Shelton who pounds Rhyno down before hitting an elbow to the face for two. Off to Haas for a double tag team by the champions on Rhyno. Rhyno throws Haas around with ease and it’s off to Benoit for more chops in the corner. A snap suplex gets two as does its belly to back cousin. Back to Rhyno vs. Benjamin as the announcers talk about Haas and Benjamin having stage fright.

Eddie comes in and dropkicks Rhyno down before it’s back to Benoit for more chopping on his fellow dead guy. Eddie snapmares him down and loads up the Frog Splash, only to have Benoit run over to the corner for some crotching and a superplex. Guerrero comes right back with a brainbuster for two as Haas breaks up the cover again. Off to Chavo who fires off some fast clotheslines to the champions, only to get caught in Rolling Germans by Benoit.

Benjamin comes in off a blind tag and superkicks Chris down for two. Eddie tags himself in and collides with Benoit to put both guys down. Shelton comes in to work on Benoit some more and a legdrop gets two. Eddie breaks it up with a Frog Splash but Chavo tags himself in, only to be suplexed down by Haas. Rhyno comes in for some Gores including one to Chavo, but Benjamin comes in (I have no idea if he was legal) and steals the retaining pin on Chavo.

Rating: C. The match was fine but it had no business being on Wrestlemania. This could have been on any given episode of Smackdown and no one would have noticed the difference. Rhyno and Benoit were just thrown together while the Guerreros were a regular team and former champions. Not bad here but not Wrestlemania worthy.

The Catfight Girls and Stacy/Torrie now argue over who made Wrestlemania. This is so stupid. They’re going to settle the argument in bed. Oh dear. One of the girls keeps saying Hulk “Holgan”.

Right here is where things start to become problematic. There are five matches left on the card and any one of them could be a PPV main event on a major show. The problem is there’s nothing but that left and we’re only an hour into the show.

We recap Shawn vs. Jericho. Shawn returned last year and won the world title in a shocker. The two of them started feuding right before the Rumble where they eliminated each other. Jericho wanted to be a wrestler because he wanted to be Shawn Michaels. People started calling him the next HBK, but he wanted to be the first Chris Jericho. Jericho then went insane with the jealousy and obsession with being the best by destroying Shawn with a chair. One night when Jericho was walking through the entrance, Shawn superkicked him and said he would see Jericho at Wrestlemania.

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

As Shawn comes to the ring he fires off a bunch of confetti canons but some of them don’t work. Shawn’s “what are you gonna do” look is funny. Lockup to start with Shawn taking over via an armdrag. Jericho escapes the armbar attempt so Shawn lounges on the top rope to rub it in. Off to a hammerlock by the Texan and we get a nice technical sequence with the two mirroring each other very nicely. Shawn hooks a headlock takeover for some token two counts as things are still in first gear.

Back up and Jericho avoids a leapfrog and slaps Shawn in the face. Shawn slaps him right back and avoids a charge, sending Jericho out to the floor. A baseball slide keeps Jericho in trouble but back inside he rolls through a top rope cross body for two. Jericho hits a spinwheel kick to put Shawn down again before sending him into the buckle. Shawn blocks the bulldog though and crotches Jericho in the corner. At least Fozzy will have some higher pitched songs now.

Shawn puts on a Figure Four of all things but Jericho quickly rolls it over. Another attempt at the hold is countered and Jericho sends Shawn shoulder first into the post. Jericho tries to throw him to the floor but Shawn skins the cat into a headscissors to bring Jericho outside with him, followed by a sweet plancha to take Chris down again. Shawn tries a dropkick on the floor, only to be caught in the Walls of Jericho.

The American’s back is all messed up again now and Jericho rams him back first into the post a few times for good measure. As Shawn tries to get back in Jericho hits that sweet springboard dropkick of his and nails Shawn right in the face. A pair of suplexes get two for Jericho back inside and there’s a backbreaker for good measure. Off to a chinlock with a knee in Shawn’s back to give them a breather.

Shawn fights up and counters a backdrop into a DDT to put both guys down. Jericho still gets up first anyway and hits Shawn’s forearm and nipup combo for good measure. Shawn nips up as well and starts slugging away before hitting a backdrop to put Jericho down. The moonsault press out of the corner gets two and they trade pinfall attempt at a very fast pace, resulting in Shawn rolling out of the Walls. Gee his back seems fine all of a sudden.

Jericho hits a northern lights suplex for two but Shawn bridges up into a backslide attempt, only to have Chris knock him down. There’s the bulldog put Shawn down but the Lionsault only gets two. Shawn tries a standing rana but gets countered into the Walls as Jericho to put Michaels in BIG trouble. Ok maybe bot so big as he makes the rope a few seconds alter. Shawn grabs a quick small package for two but gets caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to put him back down.

Jericho loads up Sweet Chin Music for the final insult and it hits just about perfectly. That only gets two as does a cross body by Shawn. Shawn keeps the thunder stealing theme going by trying the Walls on Jericho but has to opt for a catapult into the corner instead. Jericho comes back with a belly to back superplex attempt but Shawn counters in mid air into a cross body for two.

Michaels goes up again but Jericho kicks the referee into the ropes to crotch Shawn down on the top. Jericho tries a superplex but gets shoved down and hit with the top rope elbow for two. Shawn loads up the Superkick but gets caught in the Walls again. Jericho drags him back to the middle of the ring but Shawn makes it on the second attempt.

A boot to the faces gets two for Shawn as the fans are WAY into this now. Back up and Jericho whips him hard into the corner for a Flair Flip to mess with the back even more. Chris tries a belly to back suplex but Shawn flips over and jumps up into a rolling cradle for the pin out of nowhere on Jericho.

Rating: A-. What did you expect off a match like this? They beat the heck out of each other here, although Shawn’s eternally on and off selling was a bit distracting. They did a great job of telling the back and forth story though, and that’s what the whole point here was. It’s also a loss that doesn’t hurt the loser which is always a good thing.

Post match Jericho kicks Shawn low like a real heel.

Sylvan Grenier, a crooked referee, goes in to see Vince.

We get the new attendance record announcement.

Limp Bizkit performs Crack Addict live. Again, not the best use of PPV time to say the least.

It’s time for the Catfight nonsense. The Girls are brought out as are Stacy and Torrie, all of whom sit on a bed for effect. This is exactly what you would expect: clothes being ripped off, spanking, Coach being stripped down. You know the drill.

We recap Booker T. vs. HHH which is borderline uncomfortable. Booker talked about being an ex-con and making his way up to where he is now. HHH started saying “someone like you shouldn’t be world champion”, which very quickly came to have extremely racial overtones. Booker won a battle royal for the shot and pinned HHH in a tag match leading up to this.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Booker T

HHH is in his manly purple trunks here. They fight into the corner to start with Booker smacking HHH in the face a few times to take over. A backdrop puts HHH down but he comes back with a clothesline. The champion goes up top but just like his mentor, he gets armdragged down with ease. A clothesline puts HHH down for two but Booker goes up and gets knocked down to the floor for his efforts.

Booker gets sent into the announce table as the referee tells HHH to get back in, complete with some very salty language from the referee. Lawler keeps making jokes about Booker being an ex-con as HHH gets two off a neckbreaker. Booker tries to fight back with right hands but gets caught in a spinebuster for two for the champion. A suplex is escaped though and Booker DDTs him down for no cover.

Booker pounds away on HHH before taking him down with a forearm. A spinning variety of said forearm gets two but HHH comes back with his lame sleeper, which was the move he was trying to get over at this point to no avail. The facebuster staggers Booker but he comes back with a quick spinebuster for two. HHH tries going up again but jumps into a jumping superkick for two.

The Harlem Side Kick misses HHH and Booker crashes out to the floor. Flair gets in some shots before sending Booker back in for a freaking Indian Deathlock as we continue the trip back to 1974. Since the hold goes on forever and I have a chance to look at it, the question occurs to me of why does that hold hurt? Their legs are in the exact same positions, so why would it only hurt Booker?

Anyway Booker gets to the rope for the break and we get to the work over the leg to set up the Figure Four because we need to pay tribute to Flair every 18 seconds portion of the match. A rollup out of nowhere gets two for Booker and he counters the Pedigree, only to be kicked into the referee in the corner. Not that it matters as the referee counts a quick two off a rollup anyway.

A big back elbow puts HHH down and the scissors kick looks to finish but Booker can’t cover. The delayed cover gets two and Booker goes up top. He has to knock Flair down, allowing HHH to load up a superplex. That gets broken up too though and it’s the Harlem Hangover (flip legdrop) for a very close two thanks to Flair. Not that it matters though as HHH kicks him in the leg, hits the Pedigree, covers 30 seconds later and retains the title.

Rating: C+. The match wasn’t horrible but TOTALLY the wrong booking here. There was zero reason to have HHH go over here other than he wanted to. Booker had been built up perfectly over the last few weeks and every sign pointed to him winning here, but instead HHH absolutely has to go over to set up that EPIC Kevin Nash feud in a few months.

Wrestlemania 20 is in Madison Square Garden.

We recap Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon. This feud was A MESS as all of a sudden Hogan came back and Vince decided he hated him so they should fight. The problem is Vince never quite made his reasons for suddenly hating Hogan clear other than Vince was nuts. This led to a debate about which of them made Wrestlemania and saying the match was 20 years in the making. Not exactly but when nothing else in the feud makes sense, why should this?

Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon

This is a street fight because that’s how Vince rolls and if Hogan loses he has to retire. Hogan pounds away to start before pounding away on the mat. Vince is knocked down into the corner and stomped down for good measure but he gets in a thumb to the eye to give himself a breather. A clothesline takes Hogan down and Vince Pounds away in the corner. He drops some knees into Hogan’s shoulder as we actually get an attempt at psychology here. Seriously, why?

Vince wraps the arm around the post before hooking a test of strength grip with Hulk in trouble. Hogan tries to fight up but gets kicked right back down. That works so well that they do it again before Vince throws Hogan out to the floor. With Hogan in trouble Vince picks up a chair but the swing only hits post. Hogan pounds him down and hits a chair shot to Vince’s head for good measure, busting Vince open.

They head back in, only for Hogan to punch him out to the floor. Another chair shot to the back puts Vince down as does a third. Hogan swings again but knocks out the Spanish announcer by mistake. Vince hits Hogan in his Real American testicles as the slow brawling continues. A chair shot puts Hogan down and Vince pulls out a ladder, making me think this ends badly.

Hulk is busted open too as Vince lays him onto the announce table. In the big spot of the match, Vince climbs the ladder and drops a “leg” through Hogan and through the table. Hogan is thrown back in as Vince gets a lead pipe. He looks up from under the ring apron and has a hilariously evil grin on his face. Vince loads up a pipe shot but Hogan hits him low. Cue RODDY PIPER of all people to blast Hogan in the head with the pipe. This surprises Cole and Tazz because….they’re not that bright. Seriously, Piper and Hogan HATED each other and they’re surprised he attacked Hogan? Why?

Piper leaves and Vince gets two off the pipe shot. This match needs to end like NOW as it’s well past the point of entertaining and is reaching stupid. Vince goes for the pipe but is stopped by the referee, causing the referee to go flying out to the floor. The EVIL French referee from earlier today comes out as Hulk is hit with another pipe shot and a Vince legdrop for two. It’s Hulk Up time though and he lays out both Vince and the crooked referee before hitting the big boot and THREE legdrops to kill Vince dead for the pin.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t the worst match in the world but going twenty minutes completely misses the idea of something like this. Again I’m not sure what this accomplishes other than setting up Hogan vs. Piper in a feud that didn’t exactly light the world on fire in 2013. Fun but pretty awful match here.

Shane McMahon comes out to check on his father post match. He glares at Hogan but nothing happens. Ok then. Ever the jerk, the bloody Vince flips off Hogan to end things.

We recap Rock vs. Austin III. Austin came back from walking out on the company due to boredom and the newly heel Hollywood Rock wanted to finally beat Austin at Wrestlemania. Do you need much else of a story beyond that?

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Austin pounds away to start but can’t hook an early Stunner. Rock bails to the floor but gets clotheslined down in the aisle. Austin rams him into the steps and chops away before dropping him onto the barricade a few times. Rock is whipped HARD into the steps before they head back inside. A big clothesline puts Rock down but he takes out Austin’s bad knee to send Steve to the floor.

Rock stomps away on the knee as Austin stumbles around ringside. The leg is wrapped around the post but Austin pops up with more right hands. Rock kicks the leg out again and puts on the Sharpshooter, only to have Austin crawl to the rope. JR goes on a big rant against Lawler about how this is a wrestling match and not about puppies or Hollywood. Rock wraps the leg around the post a few more times before heading outside and putting on Austin’s vest.

Austin comes back with a clothesline and the Thesz Press to pound away on Rock. The middle finger elbow keeps Rock down again and it’s time to stomp a mudhole, but Rock comes back with right hands. Austin counters with a Rock Bottom of his own for a very close two. Rock fights up and hits a Stunner of his own out of nowhere for two more. Back up again and Rock pounds away, only to walk into the real Stunner for another close two.

Austin goes to pick Rock up but the guy with Austin’s vest on hits him low to break it up. The People’s Elbow misses but the Stunner is countered into a spinebuster, followed by the removal of the vest and the Elbow for two. A Rock Bottom gets two on Austin, another Rock Bottom gets two but a BIG Rock Bottom is finally enough to end Austin.

Rating: B+. It’s definitely a step or three below the one from two years ago but it’s definitely still entertaining. My problem with it as usual though is that it doesn’t have anything on it. When you have two huge matches between the two before when they were on top and now you get them both well past their primes for nothing but pride, it’s a bit harder to get into it. Still very good, but not as great as their others.

Austin salutes the crowd for the final time as he leaves. As of this 2013, this is Austin’s final match.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle for the main event. The idea is simple: Angle is an awesome wrestler, Lesnar thinks he’s better. Brock won the Rumble to get the shot and tonight is a mega showdown. At this point though, Angle’s neck is basically hanging on by a thread.

There was a very real chance he would have to retire before the match, but he begged and pleaded to be allowed to have this match, which most people believed would be his last. There was a match in Pittsburgh on Smackdown where Lesnar beat Angle, but it wound up being his very similar brother Eric. This match was originally going to be the title change because Kurt couldn’t go at Wrestlemania.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

If Angle is disqualified or counted out or if anyone interferes, he loses the title. Lesnar has slightly injured ribs and Cole’s voice is almost gone. Brock sends him into the corner to start but Kurt takes him down to the mat with a front facelock. They fight over an armbar with neither guy being able to get extended control. Now it’s a fight over a headlock as the fast paced mat work continues.

Lesnar rolls Angle off and it’s a standoff. Brock takes him down with an armdrag into an armbar but Kurt grabs a rope. He pounds away at Brock’s back but Lesnar fires off some shoulders into Angle’s ribs in the corner. A powerslam puts Angle down for two but Angle comes right back with a German suplex. After Brock hits a fast gorilla press, Angle hits another German to send Brock’s ribs into the buckle.

Angle goes after the ribs like a barracuda, stomping away in the corner before hooking a chinlock with a bodyscissors. He shifts it into a kind of crossface grip before into a chinlock. A knee to Brock’s back sends him out to the floor but as they come back inside, Brock plants him down with a spinebuster. Lesnar fires off some clotheslines and shoulders in the corner, only to charge into an elbow. Brock is fine with that by snapping off an overhead belly to belly and another one for two.

Kurt comes back with Rolling Germans and Brock is spent. Angle’s neck is bothering him though and you can see his eyes not looking right. The Angle Slam is countered into an F5 attempt but Angle reverses that into the ankle lock. Brock gets the rope but Angle pulls him back without the hold being broken. For some reason that’s ok with the referee and Kurt switches it up to a half crab. Brock finally kicks Angle away and launches him out to the floor.

The champ hits a SWEET release German on Brock for two and the Angle Slam gets the same. Lesnar comes back with the Angle Slam for two of his own as the fans are getting way into this now. Back to the ankle lock by Kurt and he hooks the grapevine for good measure. Brock somehow makes it to the rope, which I believe is the only time anyone has escaped the grapevine version of the ankle lock.

F5 is countered into a small package but the Angle Slam is countered into another F5 which connects for no cover. Instead Brock goes to the top rope for the famous spot of the match, as he completely botches a Shooting Star Press, landing square on his head. With Lesnar’s brains somewhere in Bermuda, Angle covers for two. Lesnar stands up, hits another F5, and wins the title before heading off for medical attention. The gone look on Brock’s face is terrifying.

Rating: B+. It’s another very good match, but it’s still not a masterpiece. The botch is the main thing that people remember but the match is still very good for the most part. Angle competing in this condition was freaking STUPID at the end of the day and it’s no wonder that he’s basically insane now. Very good match though and a good way to start Lesnar’s second title reign.

Both guys stagger to their feet and hug to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. It’s an excellent show but it’s not as great as Mania 17. The opening stuff didn’t work nearly as well as the main event stuff, but the biggest thing holding it back from greatness is the lack of THAT match. The most memorable thing about this show is the Shooting Star and that’s because it was a botch. If that thing hit though, this is much higher because that’s a huge Wrestlemania moment to put Lesnar way higher up in history. Still though, excellent show and well worth watching.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Ratings Comparison

Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. A-Train/Big Show

Original: D

Redo: C

Trish Stratus vs. Victoria vs. Jazz

Original: D+

Redo: C

Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle vs. Chris Benoit/Rhyno

Original: C+

Redo: C

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A-

Redo: A-

HHH vs. Booker T

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon

Original: B

Redo: D+

The Rock vs. Steve Austin

Original: B+

Redo: B+

Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: A-

What the heck was I thinking on that Hogan match?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/26/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-19-overrated/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01D4D3EGQ

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Roadblock 2016
Date: March 12, 2016
Location: Ricoh Coliseum, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Byron Saxton

This is a special live show between Fastlane and Wrestlemania with a big main event in Dean Ambrose challenging HHH for the WWE World Title. It’s not often that the Wrestlemania main event could be changed this soon before the date of the show but stranger things have happened. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on the World Title match and pitches the idea that Dean is blocking the road to Wrestlemania. Well they never have been too subtle so why start now?

Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. King Barrett/Sheamus

New Day is defending. Before the match, Woods says that when you look at them, you see hips that don’t lie, which of course means it’s time for a little dancing. They actually have a box of BootyO’s cereal and Big E. drops to his knees to speak like a child for some insults about the League. Unfortunately they couldn’t come up with any insults for Rusev so Big E. promises to eat his cereal to grow big and strong. That box actually looks real so well done for whoever made that.

Kofi headscissors Sheamus down to start and it’s already time for some posing. If New Day hasn’t turned face yet, they might not even need to at this point. Sheamus pulls Kofi out of the corner and brings Barrett in for his assortment of punches. Big E. comes in for his backbreaker and some dancing before the Unicorn Stampede takes off.

Winds of Change puts Kofi down and Sheamus adds the Irish Curse as the heels (well the stronger heels) take over. A top rope shoulder gets two for Sheamus and the fans tell Barrett that he can’t wrestle. Seriously? I know Barrett isn’t as sharp as he used to be but he’s getting the Khali chant now?

Kofi comes back with a dropkick and the hot tag brings in Big E. for a string of suplexes. Everything breaks down and Kofi cleans house, only to have Trouble in Paradise countered into the Cloverleaf. Barrett pulls Big E. off the apron but Kofi counters into a rollup for two. The SOS doesn’t get a count despite only existing to get near falls. Kofi goes up top but kind of crashes into Sheamus as he tries to dive over, giving us a bad looking botch. Barrett kicks Big E. in the head but Woods offers a distraction, allowing Kofi to get in a cheap shot so the Big Ending can put Barrett away at 8:38. Big E. seems to be favoring his arm.

Rating: C. Hopefully that’s it for this feud as I’m not really sure why they’re fighting other than New Day started talking about the League one day. New Day is going to be a great act as faces but I’m not sure what kind of a shelf life they’ll have before they’ll told how to be funny and outgoing and the act dies as a result. At least they’re on fire now and it’s fun to watch.

Paul Heyman talks about making Toronto the capital of Suplex City and promises that Bray will be conquered by the Beast.

We recap Y2AJ splitting and Jericho burning one of their shirts on Smackdown.

Here’s Jericho for his match but he has to insult the fans for cheering for AJ instead of him. Canadian fans are always behind the times eh? Jericho calls himself the greatest icon in the history of this country, drawing a WE WANT BRET chant. After telling the fans that they’ll never get Bret again, Jericho talks about being embarrassed to be Canadian. Moving away from Canada was the smartest thing he ever did because Canadian fans chant for the flavor of the month. That includes when they cheered for Jack Swagger when he beat Jericho for the World Title years ago. Jericho insults WE THE PEOPLE and it’s time for a match.

Chris Jericho vs. Jack Swagger

Jericho slaps him in the face to start and bails to the floor in a smart move. The chase doesn’t go well for Chris as Swagger catches him back inside and hammers away in the corner. The announcers run down Jericho’s career, talking about Baba and Tenryu in Japan because saying he’s a ten time Intercontinental Champion and main evented Wrestlemania would be going over most fans heads.

Jericho comes back by sending Swagger into the barricade for two and we hit the chinlock. Jack fights up and we get a CM PUNK chant for no logical reason. Some clotheslines have Jericho in trouble and the Vader Bomb gets two. Jericho can’t get the Walls so it’s the enziguri instead. The Codebreaker is broken up with a powerslam but the gutwrench powerbomb is countered into the Walls for the tap out at 7:55.

Rating: C+. Better match than I was expecting here as Swagger continues to be fine when he isn’t talking or trying to be anything bigger than a power guy who can do some submission stuff. This was fine for a way to keep Jericho’s awesome heel run going, but the fans still chanting for him after that heel promo isn’t the best sign.

JBL shouts YOU STILL GOT IT as Jericho goes up the ramp, making him even more annoying than usual.

We recap the NXT Tag Team Title match with Cole saying the Revival are the new Tag Team Champions. As in the Revival who won the belts nearly five months ago. The Revival thinks Enzo and Cass aren’t serious enough and took out Colin Cassady’s knee so the challengers are coming for revenge and the titles.

NXT Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady vs. Revival

Revival (Scott Dawson/Dash Wilder) are defending and the challengers have Carmella with them. Enzo and Dash get things going with Amore nailing a dropkick before it’s off to Cass for the big side slam. Wilder dives into a right hand to the ribs, followed by Cass picking up Enzo and throwing him at Dawson to keep control. They do the same thing again with Enzo flying over the top to take both of them out, drawing a loud NXT chant.

Back in and Dawson gets a blind tag to send Enzo shoulder first into the post, giving the champs a target. Dawson cranks on an armbar as JBL tries to say the Revival are a throwback to the late 90s tag teams. Add tag team history to the list of things JBL doesn’t know much about. Enzo gets sent into the buckle again and stomped in the Tree of Woe, only to do a situp to send Dawson into the post.

Cass comes in to clean house with a big boot and the East River Crossing to Wilder but the Rocket Launcher is broken up. Carmella slaps Dawson but the distraction lets the champs hit the Shatter Machine (picture a 3D into a Codebreaker) on the floor. Back in and Enzo hits a top rope DDT on Wilder and grabs a rollup for a close near fall on Dawson. The champs get back up though and a Shatter Machine out of the corner gets the pin on Amore at 10:15.

Rating: B+. Please send them up to the main roster already as it’s pretty clear that we’re not getting the title change anytime soon. Enzo and Cass are an awesome act but if they’re not getting the titles then there’s no point in keeping them down in NXT. It’s clear that they’re ready for the main roster so let them go and do the fun feud with New Day before they’re turned into the tag team Santino.

Earlier today, Natalya dedicated her match tonight to Bret Hart and thinks it could get her a step closer to the Divas Title. Charlotte came in and laughed at her but refused to put the title on the line. Natalya said Bret must have been right about the Flairs being cowards and Charlotte made it a title match, which I guess she can just do because contracts work in a weird way in WWE.

Divas Title: Charlotte vs. Natalya

Charlotte is defending. Natalya works on an arm to start but gets caught in a bodyscissors. They trade some holds on the amt with Natalya getting in a leg lock, followed by a surfboard. Back up and Charlotte pulls her to the floor for a crash and takes over with the stomps in the corner. Cole, who already used the term “Divas Wrestler” in this match, compares Charlotte to Mildred Burke. Did Matt Striker take over the commentary division this week?

The discus forearm is broken up and Charlotte starts in on the knee. There’s a chop block to make Natalya scream a lot but she’s still able to kick the champ out to the floor. Now the discus forearm connects and but Charlotte counters the Sharpshooter into the Figure Four. Natalya gets Charlotte under the ropes for a weird counter and Natural Selection gets two.

Charlotte goes up for something but gets countered into a Batista Bomb for a very close near fall. You could tell the fans bought into that one. The Figure Four is countered into the Sharpshooter but Ric helps pull Charlotte to the ropes. Natalya swings at Ric and gets rolled up with Charlotte’s feet on the ropes to retain at 13:35.

Rating: B. What is up with this show being so awesome? Natalya is one of those women that you can put in there with anyone and get a passable match but this felt like she was actually getting close to the title instead of just being there to put Charlotte over. I liked this one a lot more than I was expecting and that’s always a good thing.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Bray Wyatt, which is mainly over the Wyatt Family eliminating Brock from the Royal Rumble. Lesnar is out for revenge tonight.

Brock Lesnar vs. Bray Wyatt

Bray talks about all the people Brock has conquered but tonight there’s a deal with the devil, which has changed this match intro a handicap match.

Brock Lesnar vs. Bray Wyatt/Luke Harper

Heyman says that Brock is FIGHTING out of the conqueror’s corner for a cool sounding intro. Bray bails to the apron to start so Harper takes the first suplex, sending him out to the floor. Brock stares at Wyatt, allowing Harper to get back inside for a suicide dive. Two boots to the face stagger Brock and the discus clothesline gets a nearer fall than you would expect.

We hit a crossface but Brock gets to his feet and slips between Harper’s legs for a German suplex. Is there anything this guy can’t do? A superkick doesn’t do much so Brock throws him down with two more German suplexes. Harper gets tossed around even more as the fans keep count for Brock. The F5 puts Harper away at 4:01. Brock and Bray never made contact.

Rating: C. This was fine and they did a good job of protecting Bray here. Harper got in some strong looking offense too so everyone comes out looking fine. I’m not sure where they’re going with Bray vs. Brock but maybe they’ll head there in a few months instead of doing it at Payback or whatever they’re calling the show after Wrestlemania.

Sami Zayn vs. Stardust

Another bonus match. An early CODY chant gets on Stardust’s nerves as the announcers talk about the Missing Link for no logical reason. Sami grabs an armbar and some armdrags for a nice start. There go the OLE chants, which Cole calls an ode to Sami’s former persona, just in case you didn’t think Cole knew everything about wrestling ever. Stardust sends him back first into the apron to take over, setting up a cartwheel.

Some knees to the back followed by a waistlock have Sami in trouble and Stardust tries a reverse Boston crab (Colt Cabana’s Billy Goat’s Curse). A Matt Hardy Side Effect gets two on Sami and a top rope superplex is good for the same as this has been one sided for a long time. Sami pops back up with clotheslines and right hands in the corner before low bridging Stardust out to the floor. There’s the big flip dive over the ropes and the Blue Thunder Bomb gets two. Stardust comes right back with a Disaster Kick for the same but gets suplexed into the corner, setting up the Helluva Kick for the pin at 12:43.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling this one as much as some of the other matches tonight but it was still fun enough. The problem here was they were clearly setting up the comeback all match and then the back work didn’t go anywhere as Sami just popped up and did his big stuff. At least the right guy won though and a lot of Sami’s strength comes from when he’s beaten down and has to fight against all odds. Good enough stuff here though and that’s all it needed to be.

We recap HHH vs. Dean Ambrose which is all about Dean rebelling against the Authority and doing a much better job of it than Roman Reigns ever could.

WWE World Title: Dean Ambrose vs. HHH

Dean is challenging. Feeling out process to start as the announcers give out even more stats and figures (HHH hasn’t had a singles match since Wrestlemania XXXI or a title defense since 2009). Dean headlocks him down and some armdrags keep HHH in trouble. Back up and Ambrose lays across the top rope ala Shawn Michaels and HHH isn’t happy. The CM Punk chants start again and Dean grabs HHH’s nose as he armdrags the champ down a second time.

Thankfully the chants turn into the standard LET’S GO AMBROSE/HHH as Dean gets kneed in the ribs. They head outside with Dean getting in a clothesline before wrapping the leg around the post. HHH actually tries a Pedigree on the floor but gets his legs swept out, only to kick Dean into the steps to change momentum. HHH starts in on the back and puts on a Crossface, followed by a Rings of Saturn of all things.

JBL talks about the Toronto fans seeing their hero Whipper Billy Watson win back in 1956. A spinebuster gets two but Dean pops back up and gets the same off a bulldog. Dirty Deeds is broken up but the facebuster sets up a rebound lariat for two on the champ. I still don’t like the idea of someone taking a hard shot to the face and hitting an offensive move a second later. That never works for me.

HHH’s leg starts giving out on him again, allowing Dean to counter a Pedigree attempt into a Figure Four. Cole: “He’s going to tap HHH for the title!” Dean switches over to a Sharpshooter but HHH makes the ropes for the save. Dirty Deeds connects but Dean’s foot is under the ropes for a good false finish.

A hard whip sends HHH over the ropes and out to the floor, setting up the suicide dive. Dean hits the top rope elbow and even throws in a Suck It. HHH gets knocked onto the announcers’ table but avoids the elbow off the barricade for a huge crash. It’s only good for a nine count so HHH hits a quick Pedigree to retain at 24:33.

Rating: A-. Awesome match here and I’m sure that three count is going to be Dean’s consolation prize. There wasn’t much of a chance that they were going to change the title here but giving us the false hope was a nice feeling. HHH winning the match (mostly) clean is fine enough but I could go for Dean actually winning something big every now and then.

Overall Rating: A-. I had a great time with this show even though it doesn’t change much of anything. Sometimes all you need is a good night of wrestling and that’s what we had here. The worst thing all night was Stardust vs. Sami in a match that certainly wasn’t bad. This show worked out really well and hopefully will give WWE some of the positive momentum they’ve been lacking so much lately.

Results

New Day b. King Barrett/Sheamus – Big Ending to Barrett

Chris Jericho b. Jack Swagger – Walls of Jericho

Revival b. Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady – Shatter Machine to Amore

Charlotte b. Natalya – Rollup with feet on the ropes

Brock Lesnar b. Luke Harper/Bray Wyatt – F5 to Harper

Sami Zayn b. Stardust – Helluva Kick

HHH b. Dean Ambrose – Pedigree

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