Monday Night Raw – October 29, 2007: Reboot The Computre

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 29, 2007
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Cyber Sunday and on the way to Survivor Series, which means things can get a bit more back to normal around here. The big Raw story was that Randy Orton retained the WWE Title over Shawn Michaels after getting himself disqualified, which means we are probably heading for a rematch. Let’s get to it.

Here is Cyber Sunday if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Divas Battle Royal

Victoria, Kelly Kelly, Maria, Mickie James, Torrie Wilson, Kelly Kelly, Brooke, Melina, Jillian Hall, Michelle McCool

Most of the entrances are edited off of Peacock (music I’m assuming) and they’re all in Halloween costumes here. Layla (cop) is eliminated first as Victoria rolls wild in her sumo (read as fat) suit. The bottom rope Banzai drop crushes Brooke (jungle girl) to get rid of her and Michelle tosses Jillian (Brittney Spears), only to have Melina eliminate Michelle (Eve).

Melina (showgirl) and Mickie (Native American warrior princess) go to the apron with Melina eliminating both of them at once. Torrie Wilson uses her football helmet to run Victoria over as JR tries to find out if Victoria is in her suit alone. Kelly (gangsta) dumps out both Torrie (Philadelphia Eagle) and Victoria for the win.

Rating: D. What were you really expecting here? There was no reason for the match to take place other than to have the women out there in their outfits, which we had seen the night before at the pay per view. Kelly winning is a bit of a surprise, but she is the kind of woman that WWE would love to push to the moon if she can do anything in the ring at the moment.

Post match Beth Phoenix comes in to lay Kelly out.

We look at Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels from last night.

Here is Shawn Michaels for a chat. Shawn is thankful to everyone who voted for him last night but he didn’t win the WWE Title. He has heard a lot of people talking about their grapefruits, but HBShizzle is going to be honest with you: you have to have pinpoint accuracy to hit his. What maters is that he won the match though, and now he his getting a rematch. He wants it tonight, but here is Vince McMahon to interrupt.

McMahon knows that people want to see him be the champion again and Vince seems to like the idea too. He knows what Shawn really wants is revenge though because, despite that Bible reading, Shawn is a rotten man. Shawn admits that he spent four years wanting revenge, which he swore he would never do when he went home in 2002.

Now he wants to hurt Randy Orton and take him out, so does he have his rematch or not? Vince says Survivor Series is an appropriate name, and says the match is on without saying what he means. Then Shawn teases a superkick to Vince, who falls down in fear. Kind of an odd segment but more to come I’m sure.

You can vote for the Diva Search winners!

Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Holly and Shelton start things off with Benjamin taking him down for some shots to the head. It’s off to Haas, who gets chopped rather loudly before the villains take over again without much trouble. Holly gets in another shot though and the hot tag brings in Cody, who comes in off the top with a clothesline. Cody blocks Haas’ DDT and hits one of his own for the fast pin. Holly still doesn’t seem convinced.

Candice Michelle has broken her collar bone in a horrific injury. It is so bad that we look at it again just so you don’t forget about the whole thing.

Beth Phoenix cuts off Todd Grisham and says she has no regrets over what she did to Candice Michelle last week. Then this week, the Divas were out there in their costumes because no one takes this stuff seriously. Candice can go back in Wisconsin, knowing that she was destroyed by the Glamazon.

Trevor Murdoch is reading the 500th issue of WWE Magazine when Mickie James comes up. She thanks him for not letting Lance Cade clothesline her last week, but Murdoch doesn’t like seeing an innocent girl get hurt. Mickie: “I’m not that innocent.” Cade comes up and, after Mickie leaves, gets on Murdoch for not having his head in the game.

William Regal is in Vince McMahon’s office and recaps Vince’s issues with HHH and Shawn Michaels. Vince says his issues with HHH is personal, which brings him to Hornswoggle. Regal brings Hornswoggle in and leaves Vince to talk about how he hasn’t been around Hornswoggle enough. Tonight, Hornswoggle has to face Coach and Vince wants the family honor upheld. Hornswoggle needs to learn how to deal with victory, because it is his family’s birthright. If he is a McMahon, he needs to start to hate and he needs to start tonight. Hornswoggle starts grunting and shouts as he runs off.

SAVE US!

Hornswoggle vs. Jonathan Coachman

Hold on though as we need a guest referee, which brings out Mick Foley. Coach charges but Foley gets in his way, allowing Hornswoggle to run around a bit. Hornswoggle goes to the leg but Coach grabs him by the beard. That’s broken up as well and Hornswoggle knocks him down, only to miss the bottom rope elbow. Coach hits Foley out of frustration and grabs a chair, only to have Foley knock him down. Hornswoggle has his own Mr. Socko and grabs Coach between the leg, allowing Foley to add a clothesline. The Tadpole Splash finishes for Hornswoggle.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t good but at the end of the day, what are you expecting here? They played up the comedy and had Foley here to even things up a bit. You don’t need to do anything beyond the obvious here and it was perfectly fine, even if the match was barely there aside from the comedy stuff.

HHH, in a rather hideous shirt, is almost depressed by Todd Grisham’s pep talk before the handicap match against Umaga and Randy Orton tonight. The odds are against him but he has an ace up his sleeve, so if he goes down, they’re coming with him. They’re two of the worst in the game, but he is the Game.

Lance Cade vs. Paul London

Trevor Murdoch and Brian Kendrick are here too. London hits a quick crossbody for two but gets caught in a belly to back suplex. Cade sends him to the apron, with London coming back in with a springboard crossbody. A Murdoch distraction lets Cade hit his sitout spinebuster for the fast pin.

Post match the Highlanders come in and beat down London and Kendrick before glaring at Cade and Murdoch.

Jeff Hardy/DH Smith vs. Carlito/Mr. Kennedy

Smith is being thrown into the deep pretty quickly. Hardy and Kennedy get things going with Kennedy grabbing a headlock. That earns him a heck of a clothesline but Kennedy pulls Hardy into the corner so Carlito can come in. Some shoulders to the ribs don’t do much for Carlito as Hardy kicks him down and grabs his leg trap cradle for two. Smith comes in and gets chopped in the corner, only to come back with a clothesline to send Carlito outside. Kennedy joins him thanks to Hardy and the good guys pose as we take a break.

Back with Smith fighting out of an Indian Deathlock but getting pulled back into the corner so Kennedy can stay on the leg. Kennedy draws in Hardy to get in a few more leg shots because he knows how to villain. Smith manages an enziguri though and the hot tag brings Hardy in to start cleaning house. The Whisper in the Wind gets two on Carlito with Kennedy having to make the save. Smith drops Kennedy though and it’s the Twist of Fate into the Swanton to finish Carlito.

Rating: C. Pretty basic tag formula here but they have thrown Smith straight into the middle of the midcard and he hasn’t looked bad so far. Granted I don’t know how far you’re going to go with the name DH Smith but playing into the British Bulldog relation and then giving him some wins is a good way to start. Now do something with it, as you can always use some fresh blood.

Here is Santino Marella for a chat. He wants to make a formal complaint to the WWE travel department, who screwed up and prevented him from showing up and giving Steve Austin a piece of his mind. At least his in-flight movie wasn’t the Condemned! Cue Steve Austin…..’s music, as Marella pops up on screen doing an Austin impression and offering to beat up Marella with a can of the a** whip.

Cue Maria to say that Austin (originally described as “he”, prompting Santino to tell her to not use pronouns) is going to be here next week (which receives NO reaction in an odd moment). Marella accuses her of being on internet chat sites again, because the only place you’ll see Austin is on the cover of the Condemned in the discount bin at the gas station.

Here are the Diva Search finalists. Eve wins and is rather happy. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to have this on a show about how the viewers had control?

SAVE US, now with “19_LAUNCH” and “BREAK THE CODE” visible.

Randy Orton/Umaga vs. HHH

Non-title. HHH and Umaga start things off but an Orton distraction means HHH has to split his time. A jumping clothesline drops Umaga but he’s right back with some right hands in the corner. Umaga hits the Samoan drop on HHH and the double teaming is on….so here is Shawn Michaels for the DQ and the save.

HHH and Shawn clean house, likely setting up a tag match next week.

We cut to Vince McMahon and William Regal in the back, with Vince saying DX is back next week for one night only.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a lame way to come off a pretty good pay per view, though Survivor Series in just a few weeks should be an upgrade. There wasn’t much to see on the show, as they didn’t have anything noteworthy in the ring and McMahon going after HHH feels a bit tired. Next week looks stacked though so maybe this is just a bad one off week. At least I hope it is.

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Cyber Sunday 2007: The Very Gimmick Show

Cyber Sunday 2007
Date: October 28, 2007
Location: Verizon Center, Washington DC
Attendance: 10,094
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Joey Styles

This show can’t come fast enough, as the build hasn’t exactly been great. The good thing is there are enough interesting matches on the show and some of the stipulations could work out. The voting is enough of a hook to make the show, which includes Randy Orton defending the Raw World Title against someone and Batista vs. Undertaker with a referee to be determined, work. Let’s get to it.

The opening video has an election theme, as the wrestlers have been trying to gain the fans’ votes. Giving the fans a direct say is always a good idea.

Rey Mysterio vs. Finlay

Stretcher Match – 40%
No Disqualification Match – 36%
Shillelagh On A Pole Match – 24%

There is a stretcher at ringside and you have to put your opponent on it and move over a line. Finlay starts fast by getting Rey into the corner and sending him shoulder first into the post. A toss sends Rey under the ropes and onto the stretcher before Finlay drops him ribs first onto it again. It’s way too early to send Rey over the line though so he heads back inside for a change.

A headscissors takes Finlay down and a basement dropkick staggers him again, meaning it’s time to go outside again. Finlay fights off of the stretcher though and kicks Rey in the chest…before going up the pole that has the Shillelagh in case the other stipulation was picked. Rey powerbombs him out of the corner and grabs the Shillelagh himself but Finlay takes it away and starts going after Rey’s knee.

Finlay rams the stretcher into Rey, who manages a 619 on the apron to send Finlay onto the stretcher. A splash is almost enough to get him over the line but the stretcher gets caught on a TV cord. With that out of the way, a flapjack onto the stretcher is enough to give Rey the win.

Rating: C+. The stretcher was a bit of a weird way to go but it was a unique enough of a way to go. These two have had a nice feud over the last few weeks and Mysterio gets a win to keep him in the thing. Finlay continues to be a perfectly solid midcard villain and he should be able to keep things going for a pretty long while to come.

Matt Hardy vs. MVP is off the card because Matt busted his head WAY open on Smackdown. He looks like he was in a car crash as MVP comes in to offer condolences. Matt says that MVP gets to face someone the fans pick for the US Title, with the options being Mark Henry, Great Khali or Kane. MVP’s panicked face is great as he’s off to talk to Vickie Guerrero about this.

JBL begs fans to vote for him to referee the main event.

We see the Divas in their Halloween costumes, including

Maria (cat)
Victoria (sumo wrestler, with Kenny Dykstra as Mr. Fuji, setting up the Ron Simmons cameo)

Monday Night Raw – May 28, 2007: Prom Monsters?

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 28, 2007
Location: Air Canada Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 16,176
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the start of a big week in WWE as we have the three regular TV shows, plus a special Saturday Night’s Main Event and One Night Stand this weekend. That makes this show week the go home show for Sunday, which doesn’t need a lot more set up but maybe they have something good planned. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

It’s Memorial Day, so we get the tribute to the fallen soldiers, including Taps.

Opening sequence.

Battle Royal

Candice Michelle, Mickie James, Maria, Jillian Hall, Layla, Brooke, Kelly Kelly, Michelle McCool, Kristal, Melina

Non-title and it’s a Bikini Beach Blast battle royal, meaning they’re all in bikinis with water guns and pool toys. Melina gets attacked (with the water guns and pool toys) to start and then the water balloons are brought out. Kelly seems to have to adjust her top as the fans want puppies. Kristal is thrown out (through the ropes, because over the top is too much for this kind of match) and there goes Brooke as we slow down for various “weapon” shots. There goes Maria and it’s time to weakly hit each other with pool noodles. Layla is tossed as Lawler says he can’t stand up at the moment.

McCool pours a bucket of water over Kelly, who seems to like it, and then tosses her out. Melina and Jillian go after Mickie and hit her with a water gun for the elimination. Jillian dumps Candice and we’re down to Jillian, Melina and McCool. The villains put McCool on the mat and stretch her by the limbs but she gets back up and clotheslines them down (JR: “Now that’ll knock the barbecue sauce right off of you!”). McCool throws Jillian out and hits a dropkick, but since Melina can’t fall through the ropes, she drops down and rolls out to give McCool the win.

Rating: D. I get it, but my goodness this stuff is cringe. This match actually got about six minutes so Lawler could lose his mind about a thousand times, which got as annoying as you would imagine. There are obvious reasons to put this stuff on TV but egads it does not exactly hold up well.

Here is Shane McMahon to announce that this is the unofficial start of summer. That put some excitement in the air and that is the case in WWE as well. In two weeks, we will be having the first ever tri-branded WWE Draft, featuring Raw, Smackdown and ECW. Any superstar, champion, legend and even leprechaun can be drafted to any show.

Change is inevitable, save for the case of Vince McMahon. At One Night Stand, Vince is going to beat Bobby Lashley, so tonight Shane is going to do the same, as Lashley teams with John Cena against Shane, Umaga and the Great Khali. Tonight, Lashley is finding out what they call Shane the Money. Dancing ensues.

Hardys/Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team/Johnny Nitro/Kenny Dykstra

Nitro and Cade start things off with Cade elbowing him in the face to take over early. It’s off to Matt to take Shelton into the corner so Jeff can come in for the first cover. A dropkick to the back of the seated Benjamin lets Matt come back in for the middle rope elbow as this is one sided so far. Haas comes in for a change and gets thrown into the corner for some elbows from Cade and Murdoch.

As JR suggests that the Hardys, as in the champions, are the real World’s Greatest Tag Team, Haas and Benjamin are sent outside for a huge dive from Murdoch to blow Lawler’s mind (Lawler: “IT WAS LIKE A FLYING COW!”). We take a break and come back with Jeff hitting the Whisper in the Wind to Dykstra but Benjamin gets in a kick to the head to take over. Dykstra hits a heck of a clothesline for two, setting up a backbreaker. Nitro adds a slingshot elbow and Matt has to come in for the save.

Benjamin kicks Jeff in the face for two and we hit the chinlock with a bodyscissors. It’s back to Haas for a belly to belly suplex and a chinlock as we hear that One Night Stand will be all extreme rules matches. Dykstra grabs his own chinlock and bites Jeff in the head for a bonus. That’s enough to get Jeff to jawbreak his way to freedom and the diving tag brings Matt back in. A double DDT (one regular, one reverse) plants Nitro and Dykstra as everything breaks down. The Twist of Fate into the Swanton finishes Dykstra as Lawler can’t believe Cade and Murdoch didn’t turn on the Hardys.

Rating: B-. This was one of those matches that helps move things forward while keeping things fresh. You have so many people in the match that you can have a few pairings you don’t usually get while also solidifying Cade and Murdoch’s face turn (or at least what feels like one for the time being). Good stuff here, which shouldn’t be a surprise given the talent involved.

Post match Benjamin says the Hardys didn’t pin he and Haas, so the challenge is on for One Night Stand. Matt says it’s on, and we’ll make it a ladder match, because of course they will.

Wrestlemania is coming to Orlando.

John Cena reiterates that he is not scared of the Great Khali and would say…..some weird noises to the Punjabi Frankenstein. That’s translated to Cena still not being afraid but he is neither deaf nor invincible. While he isn’t scared, he isn’t sure if he can do the impossible. Yes he made Khali tap, but there was doubt over whether he won or lost.

You can throw out the submissions at One Night Stand because Cena is going to have to put Great Khali on his shoulders and throw him down for the three seconds. Cena isn’t sure if he can do that but he takes great pride in silencing his critics. At One Night Stand, Cena can and he will. This was classic Cena, as he mocked Khali at first, then told the story of the match and brought the fired up promo.

Santino Marella is excited for the Draft and Maria laughs at his accent, which yes, is Italian. He asks if Maria is ok from the battle royal and they seem interested in each other. With Santino gone, Randy Orton pops up to talk about Rob Van Dam. It seems that Van Dam is not happy with Orton injuring Shawn Michaels, but that was one of the highlights of Orton’s career. He felt bad about injuring Shawn, but he won’t about hurting Van Dam.

Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam

They go with the grappling to start as Orton grabs a headlock and blocks a top wristlock attempt. An armdrag frustrates Orton and Van Dam uses his legs to grab a rollup for two. A monkey flip sends Orton flying and there’s a kick to the head. They head outside with Orton getting the better of a slugout, setting up the big dropkick off the top and into the barricade.

We take a break and come back with Orton working on the chinlock. Orton pulls him down by the hair to cut off a comeback attempt and it’s time for the circle stomp. Another chinlock is broken up again and Van Dam hits the springboard kick to the face for the double knockdown. Van Dam is up first and kicks him down again, setting up Rolling Thunder.

Orton’s poke to the eye just earns him a step over kick to the face but Van Dam is a little shaky as he goes up top. Van Dam kicks him off the apron but comes back in with the hanging DDT for two. The referee stops to check on Van Dam, who can’t get up to his feet and looks gone. The Punt connects and the referee calls the match as Van Dam is out of it.

Rating: C+. This is the kind of violent Orton that can make for some good stuff as he can be absolutely lethal when he is given the chance. Taking out Michaels and Van Dam in short succession is pretty impressive and should set him up for something else later. Having Van Dam’s facials make it seem like he had been hit in the head with a boulder made this even better.

Post match Orton hits the RKO to make it worse.

Ric Flair/Torrie Wilson vs. Carlito/Victoria

Leave it to Flair to wind up with Torrie out of the whole thing. Flair takes Carlito into the corner to start the chopping but it’s off to Victoria to slap Flair in the face. Lawler: “Lay it on her! She wants it!” Flair takes her down and tries the Figure Four, with Carlito having to make the save. It’s back to Carlito to stomp away at the head and leg, setting up the half crab. Victoria hits Carlito by mistake though and Torrie gets to come in and take over. An X Factor gets two with Carlito making the save. Carlito comes in, kisses Torrie, and hits the Backstabber for the pin (JR: “I KNOW IT’S LEGAL BUT I DON’T LIKE IT!”).

Rating: D+. This feud is running out of gas in a hurry as Carlito has yet to make me believe he is a real threat to Flair. They have fought each other a few times now and it has yet to be anything better than just ok. Both guys need to move on already, as Flair can find something better to do and Carlito can find a good haircut.

Shane McMahon has to break up an argument between Great Khali and Umaga. Shane: “Worst prom couple ever.” He tells them to take out John Cena and Bobby Lashley, but make sure he gets the pin.

One Night Stand/Saturday Night’s Main Event rundowns, edited off of Peacock due to Puddle of Mud.

It’s time for the Kiss Cam with Maria but Chris Masters interrupts. He wants Santino Marella to take the Masterlock Challenge. Masters threatens Maria so cue Marella for the brawl, which ends in the Masterlock. This has been a very Maria frequent show.

Shane McMahon/Umaga/Great Khali vs. John Cena/Bobby Lashley

Umaga sends Cena into the corner to start but misses a charge. Cena scores with the Throwback for a fast two but he gets thrown into the corner to start the hammering. There are the LET’S GO CENA/CENA SUCKS chants as Khali kicks Cena in the head. Shane comes in to stomp away and it’s Umaga getting in some right hands. The Samoan drop gives Umaga a delayed two and Khali drops a leg.

Now Shane is willing to stick around for the bodyscissors and shots to the back of Cena’s head to make things worse. That’s broken up with the ProtoBomb and it’s Lashley coming in to pick up the pace. Lashley runs Umaga over but can’t slam Khali as everything breaks down. The Samoan Spike puts Cena down on the floor and there’s the chokeslam to Lashley. Shane’s top rope elbow hits Lashley for the pin.

Rating: C. Just a quick way to bring in as many people as you can for the main event, which went well enough. Shane getting to gloat works well, as Lashley can shut up either Shane or Vince McMahon to even things up. The match was pretty immaterial, but it isn’t like losing to Umaga and Khali is a big defeat. Lashley didn’t do much until the end but it worked out fine.

Vince McMahon comes out to celebrate with the villains to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. It was better than last week but not by much. This did a good enough job of making me want to see the Raw half of One Night Stand, as they are betting on the gimmicks and stipulations to make the show work. That’s about all you can do at this point in the cycle of feuds so at least they’re going with the smartest route possible.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling – November 18, 2015: It Keeps Going And Going And Going And Going

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 18, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

We’re getting closer to the end of the preliminaries and you can see most of the winners from here. It should make things a lot more interesting now that some people are eliminated and we can get down to the real contenders instead of pretending that so many people with no chance are still alive. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week and a preview of this week.

The announcers recap everyone who has already advanced.

Group Knockouts: Brooke vs. Awesome Kong

The winner advances. Brooke goes after her to start but Kong goes after her broken hand. Kong pulls Brooke up by the hand and then punches her down as this is one sided so far. The Implant Buster is broken up and Brooke tries a choke, only to be set away with ease. A low facebuster gets two on Kong but she grabs Brooke off the top for an AA. Brooke avoids a splash and the Butterface Maker gets two more. For some reason Brooke tries a suplex, earning herself a chokeslam to send Kong to the round of 16 at 6:13.

Rating: D+. This was just about every Kong match you’ve seen lately and was there any doubt that Kong and Kim were going to advance out of the group? It makes the most sense, though it didn’t make for the most interesting drama in the group as Brooke and Madison fell apart after the opening weeks. Kong basically squashed her here though and that’s the best idea all around.

Group Knockouts

Gail Kim – 6 points (0 matches remaining)

Awesome Kong – 6 points (0 matches remaining)

Brooke – 3 points (0 matches remaining)

Madison Rayne – 3 points (0 matches remaining)

We get a sitdown interview with Matt Hardy and Ethan Carter III (in separate locations). Matt brags about sweeping the Tag Team Specialists group which has the top talent in the world right now. Carter says if Matt was as great as he thinks he is, he would be in a real group like Group Champions. Instead Matt is navel lint and this series doesn’t end until Ethan wins.

Matt wants Ethan in the round of sixteen because he took away the greatest night of Matt’s career. Now Matt wants to take everything away from Carter, starting with that undefeated streak. Carter doesn’t care what round he meets Matt in because it’s a guaranteed victory. Ethan yells about Matt a lot and walks out of the interview.

Eric Young says James Storm would be better off not showing up tonight because Storm is a shadow of his former self.

Back from a break and we see the end of the interview again. We’ll hear more from both later.

Group X-Division: Manik vs. Tigre Uno

If Tigre wins, it’s a three way tie with Manik and DJZ, forcing a playoff. Tigre takes him down with a dive to start but Manik rolls away to avoid a second one. What looks like an Asai moonsault is broken up and Manik suplexes him on the ramp. Back in and Manik goes for the mask, followed by three straight suplexes for two.

Manik cranks on the arm as the announcers actually bring up the X-Division Title, which has now gone well over a month without being defended, just like every other title in this company. Tigre avoids a swanton but walks into a wheelbarrow gutbuster for two. Uno slams him back down and a quick split legged corkscrew moonsault out of the corner gives Tigre the pin at 7:00.

Rating: C. Just in case you haven’t had enough of this tournament yet, NOW WE GET A PLAYOFF! I’m not sure how you have a three man playoff as the logical way would be to have a triple threat and whoever takes the fall is out, but I’m sure this is going to result in multiple matches to make sure we fill in as much TV time as possible. At least the champ didn’t get pinned again so it’s not infuriating all over again. Manik working on the arm was fine, even if it didn’t lead anywhere. It was nice to see some psychology in an X-Division match for a change though so I’ll take what I can get where I can get it.

Group X-Division

DJZ – 6 points (0 matches remaining)

Manik – 6 points (0 matches remaining)

Tigre Uno – 6 points (0 matches remaining)

Mandrews – 0 points (0 matches remaining)

Video on Group TNA Originals.

Next week it is indeed a triple threat but under elimination rules. So we have a double elimination match in the playoff of the round robin tournament to advance to the round of sixteen in the knockout tournament. YOU THINK THIS MIGHT BE A BIT OVERBOOKED???

Pope and Josh play that bubble burst game.

Roode says he’ll do whatever it takes to win.

Group TNA Originals: James Storm vs. Eric Young

Winner advances. Young attacks Storm during the recap videos and we take a break ten seconds in. Dang it stop doing that! Back with Young in full control and stomping away. We hit a neck crank and chinlock for a bit on Storm until he comes back with an enziguri and Closing Time.

Storm is wrestling like a face here because the whole trying to kill Mickie James is forgettable. No really, that story didn’t have any staying power and Mickie was fine in like a week. The piledriver and the Eye of the Storm are both broken up and but a quick ref bump allows Young to kick Storm low. A piledriver sends Young to the round of sixteen at 10:16.

Rating: D+. Who knew Storm had turned face for this thing? Not that it matters as he’s going out soon enough anyway, which makes it a good thing that they didn’t push him forward. Instead we get Young, who has improved quite a bit in recent months. He’s still nothing great, but I’ll take this version over HE’S JUST SO CRAZY any day.

Group TNA Originals

Eric Young – 6 points (0 matches remaining)

Abyss – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Bobby Roode – 3 points (1 match remaining)

James Storm – 3 points (0 matches remaining)

Preview of next week’s matches.

More with Matt Hardy as he talks about proving haters wrong, which he can’t wait to do to Ethan. He’s going to win the feud with Ethan no matter what it takes and win the World Title as a bonus. Matt vacated the title so we could proceed with business as normal. Yeah because going the better part of three months with one story and nothing but a massive tournament is normal.

Finally, he picks Roode tonight and would love to face him in the future. This has been your weekly reminder that Matt Hardy is the most interesting wrestler in the world and he’s a former World Champion and he got screwed out of the title and he WILL NOT DIE, no matter what people think. Except for TNA who will forget him when Jeff is back.

Group Wild Card: Aiden O’Shea vs. Mahabali Shera

The taped schedule rears its ugly head again as Shera has gone from all serious in his recent interviews to the dancer again here. Shera does his dancing to start before grabbing a headlock which O’Shea needs the rope to break. Off a headlock? O’Shea stomps him down in the corner but stops for some shadow boxing. More punches actually connect with Shera but he slams O’Shea off the top. Aiden misses another right hand and the Sky High gives Shera a sweep of the group at 4:51.

Rating: D-. Shera’s entire offense here was right hands, a headlock, a slam and the Sky High. That’s it. He did four moves in an entire match, assuming you don’t count the dancing. This is the kind of match that I really don’t need to see, but it’s going to get even worse when Shera gets a huge push because the show is in India next month. He has some charisma but he needs to expand his offense beyond someone in their fourth month of wrestling school.

Group Wild Card

Mahabali Shera – 9 points (0 matches remaining)

Aiden O’Shea – 3 points (0 matches remaining)

Kenny King – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Crazzy Steve – 0 points (1 match remaining)

Group Future 4: Eli Drake vs. Crimson

Crimson throws him down to start and grabs a chinlock inside the first minute. Drake sends him shoulder first into the post for two, followed by a flying armbar for one. The match is dull enough that Ethan Carter III interrupts for his interview but then storms off when it’s not his time. Crimson fights up with some ax handles to the face, only to have his bad arm snapped across the top rope. A shoulder breaker from Eli sets up a standing armbar…..for the submission at 5:16. I didn’t see that one coming.

Rating: D+. The ending was surprising and the match wasn’t bad (third arm/hand injury of the show aside) but this is a great example of a match that I have no desire to watch. That’s one of the major problems with this tournament: we have to cover all these matches that aren’t interesting and hear the announcers go on and on about how these people could be World Champion. It wasn’t bad but totally uninteresting.

Group Future 4

Eli Drake – 7 points (0 matches remaining)

Micah – 4 points (1 match remaining)

Jesse Godderz – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Crimson – 0 points (0 matches remaining)

Ethan Carter III is STILL talking about Matt Hardy because much like Matt, this feud WILL NOT DIE, even if people stopped caring a long time ago. Carter wants to beat Matt in any round and promises to win the title back because he’s still undefeated.

We recap the night so far.

Pope picks his winners for next week.

Group TNA Originals: Bobby Roode vs. Abyss

Winner advances. The threat of a chokeslam has Roode in early trouble but he fires off some running clotheslines. Abyss shows him how to do a clothesline but still can’t get the chokeslam. He settles for a big side slam and we take a break. Back with Abyss clotheslining him to the floor and wedging a chair into the corner. Pope accurately says this never works out as Abyss runs Roode over again and puts on a neck crank.

We’re under five minutes to go as Roode fights up and scores with a clothesline. A Blockbuster gets two for Roode and he sends Abyss arm first into the chair. The Crossface has Abyss in trouble but he makes the ropes in a hurry. Abyss scores with a chokeslam for two and it’s Janice time. As is the case EVERY SINGLE TIME, it gets stuck in the turnbuckle, setting up a spinebuster from Roode for the pin at 13:15.

Rating: C. You really can see the difference between the levels of talent on this show. Roode continues to be solid in the ring and Abyss, while dumb as a bag of hammers at times, can still put on a good enough match for something like this. Roode advancing is of course the right call but I can’t picture him getting beyond the semifinals.

Group TNA Originals

Eric Young – 6 points (0 matches remaining)

Bobby Roode – 6 points (0 matches remaining)

Abyss – 3 points (0 matches remaining)

James Storm – 3 points (0 matches remaining)

Overall Rating: D. Yes I understand that TNA has a lot of action on their show and I understand that a lot of fans like that. Yes I also understand that if I criticize TNA for anything, their fans interpret it as me being negative and not giving them the fair chance that they deserve.

I’ve been watching TNA for years now (unlike most people who gave up on it a long time ago) and this is as hard as it’s ever been to sit through. These shows feel like they’re longer than Raw could ever hope to be with one average to lame match after another as we continue to inch closer towards the real tournament. It’s probably going to get better then but the three months it’s taking to get there is killing this company.

This idea has gone on for months now and unless there’s a big curveball coming, it’s going to end with some combination of Matt Hardy, Drew Galloway and Ethan Carter III in the final, meaning the whole thing has been one big circle until we’re right back where we were around Bound For Glory. TNA needs to do something big to validate all the time and effort they’ve spent on this and putting the title on someone who has held it since June or another nostalgia story of a 40 year old who wants one last run at glory isn’t it. The tournament may appeal to some, but I’m certainly not one of them.

Results

Awesome Kong b. Brooke – Chokeslam

Manik b. Tigre Uno – Split legged corkscrew moonsault

Eric Young b. James Storm – Piledriver

Mahabali Shera b. Aiden O’Shea – Sky High

Eli Drake b. Crimson – Standing armbar

Bobby Roode b. Abyss – Spinebuster

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/product/B015IN12I2

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling – November 4, 2015: Groundhog Day

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 4, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

It’s Week 5 of the World Title Series and things are starting to come together. You can see a lot of the people who are going to move forward and most of the people who aren’t making it into the field of sixteen. In addition to this, we’re also getting a special interview with Jeff Hardy. Let’s get to it.

We open with a quick recap of last week and a preview of tonight’s major matches.

The announcers preview the matches as well.

Preview of the Hardy interview where he talks about breaking his leg.

Group Knockouts: Madison Rayne vs. Brooke

Before the match, Madison talks about how the Knockouts started the revolution nearly ten years ago. Madison goes on to give every must win cliché that you’ve ever heard of because there’s nothing personal in almost any of these matches. It’s a feeling out process to start until Brooke takes over with a dropkick and shoulders. A clothesline out of the corner gets two but Brooke might have hurt her hand. Brooke’s top rope elbow gets two but the Rayne Drop gives Madison the pin at 3:23.

Rating: D+. Decent enough match but which of them am I supposed to want to see win? There’s no reason to boo or cheer either of them because there’s no personal issue here. We have a tied series now so it’s basically a mini elimination tournament, which is probably going to happen in multiple groups, just like everything else does.

Group Knockouts

Brooke – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Gail Kim – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Awesome Kong – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Madison Rayne – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Eric Young says he’s the real original and Roode might not make it to the main event.

Video on Roode vs. Young to set up their match later tonight.

The announcers preview Roode vs. Young.

Group UK: Bram vs. Rockstar Spud

They stand there and look at each other for a bit to start. The fans are entirely behind Spud of course. Some forearms and right hands have Bram in the corner, followed by a couple running forearms. Bram grabs him by the throat but Spud bites him on the hand. Spud knocks him back to the floor but gets caught diving off the apron. Bram starts fish hooking Spud’s mouth before stomping on the ribs back inside. That’s quite the downgrade in offense. A quick enziguri staggers Bram and a rollup gets two. Not that it matters as the Brighter Side of Suffering puts Spud away at 5:38.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but I was hoping Spud would win so we could wrap the division up instead of letting the drama continue. It would be really nice to have some names advance to the round of sixteen so it might feel like we’re getting closer to actually wrapping this thing up. A little light at the end of the tunnel would be nice for a change.

Group UK

Drew Galloway – 6 points (1 match remaining)

Rockstar Spud – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Bram – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Grado – 0 points (1 match remaining)

Roode is ready for Young and is going to end the year as a double champion.

Another preview for the interview, this time talking about Matt winning the title. Good grief can they do anything but fill in time on these shows?

Group X-Division: Mandrews vs. Manik

This would be the weekly “these guys have no chance of winning but here’s a match between them anyway.” Manik takes him to the mat to start but Mandrews gets back up and springs from an armdrag into a twisting cradle for two. An armbar doesn’t get Mandrews anywhere so Manik takes him down and works on the leg.

Back up and Mandrews dropkicks the leg as Josh calls this a classic. A quick hurricanrana takes Manik down and a tornado DDT does the same. Mandrews takes his time looking at the crowd and his standing moonsault hits knees. He takes FOREVER going up top though and his shooting star hits knees, allowing Manik to hit his GTS into a kick for the pin at 7:09.

Rating: C-. Classic? This? All I saw was two guys doing basic high flying moves to each other for a few minutes. As have been the case with most of the matches in the Series, this was little more than ok. They didn’t do anything all that interesting and I have little reason to believe that either guy is going to mean anything going forward.

Group X-Division

Manik – 6 points (1 match remaining)

Tigre Uno – 3 points (1 match remaining)

DJZ – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Mandrews – 0 points (1 match remaining)

Clip of the Wolves getting the Tag Team Titles back recently.

The Wolves say they’ve fought before and they’ll do it again tonight. Hugs all around.

Young promises to do something to Roode tonight and he’s biding his time.

It’s finally time for the Hardy interview. First up he talks about falling off the cage to knock him onto the stairs (read as: the annual injury angle because he can’t go to Europe). This led to Hardy’s Revenge against James Storm in the cage where he completely changed form. After winning the Tag Team Titles with Matt, he broke his leg in the motorcycle accident. We see a clip of the crash and Jeff barely remembers anything about it because of the pain from breaking his leg. We’ll see part two later. Thank goodness because this was a lot of nothing.

Group Tag Team Specialists: Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards

They come out together as partners. Slow feeling out process to start as the grab a test of strength and monkey flip each other over before going to the mat for near falls. They both raise one arm, then they both raise the other arm, then they both raise both arms. I knew that before it happened because I’ve seen that same sequence multiple times over the years. Both guys have kicks to the ribs caught because they’re mirroring each other the entire way.

Back with the guys actually doing something on their own with Davey missing a charge in the corner and getting kneed in the head. We’re under five minutes now and Eddie slaps on a chinlock. They get back up and Eddie scores with a running kick in the corner. He takes too much time going up top though and gets caught with a running spinwheel kick, setting up a superplex from Davey.

We hit two minutes left and Eddie kicks Davey in the head again but Davey escapes the Backpack Stunner. Richards misses a top rope double stomp and we have a minute to go. A pinfall reversal sequence gets us nowhere and they strike it out until the clock runs out for a draw at 15:00.

Rating: C-. I never want to see these two fight again. I’m well aware that there’s an audience for the performance style stuff they had before the break, but that kind of stuff is the least realistic style of wrestling that I’ve ever seen. I understand the idea is that they know each other perfectly well, but it’s basically saying “yeah they’re working together”. The second half was much better, though still not great.

Group Tag Team Specialists

Matt Hardy – 6 points (1 match remaining)

Robbie E. – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Eddie Edwards – 1 points (1 match remaining)

Davey Richards – 1 points (1 match remaining)

The draw means Matt Hardy has advanced to the round of sixteen.

The Wolves think they have something special and will be friends forever.

Part two of Jeff’s interview starts with a discussion of Jeff being broken up by having to watch Matt vacate the Tag Team Titles. This led to Matt challenging for the World Title and Ethan turning it into a way to take Jeff’s dignity away. He doesn’t regret betting on his brother but he didn’t like having to wake Ethan up for his workout and making sure Tyrus watched Sesame Street. It was a great feeling to see Matt win a title and be in the solo dimension. When Matt wins the title back, Jeff will be the loudest cheerer of all. This was a bit better but the interview was more like Jeff’s year in review.

Roode tells Young to hit him now but Young says he’s already inside Roode’s head.

Pope makes some predictions with the swiping game.

Group Wild Card: Mahabali Shera vs. Kenny King

Kenny says if Mahabali wants to be Shera, he’ll be He-Man and that ring is his Eternia. Wouldn’t that be gimmick infringement on Eli Drake? Shera shoulders him down a few times to start but gets taken down into a headlock. King sends Shera to the floor for a big corkscrew dive with a forearm hitting Shera in the head. Back in and we hit the chinlock followed by an enziguri for two. Shera comes back with a suplex and pulls King out of the air with the Sky High for the pin at 5:52.

Rating: C. Face it: Shera is getting this monster push for the India tapings and that’s all there is to it. He’s a bit better now, but dear goodness hearing about that stupid dance while they’re over in India is going to be tough to take. As usual, TNA feels the need to appeal to the live audience instead of the people at home and this is the result. Decent enough match but as usual, just moves until someone gets a pin.

Group Wild Card

Mahabali Shera – 6 points (1 match remaining)

Kenny King – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Aiden O’Shea – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Crazzy Steve – 0 points (1 match remaining)

We recap the night.

Quick video on Roode vs. Young.

Group TNA Originals: Eric Young vs. Bobby Roode

We start after a break and Young is quickly sent to the floor, only to snap Roode’s throat over the top rope. Young stays on the throat with a catapult into the middle rope and we hit the neck crank. A quick neckbreaker gets two on Roode but he comes back with an enziguri for a delayed fall. Roode grabs a spinebuster for two and counters the piledriver into a jackknife cover for two. Back up and Young grabs the referee for a distraction, setting up the piledriver for the pin at 6:50.

Rating: C. Decent enough match but these videos designed to make these regular matches feel like some big showdown between epic rivals really aren’t working. Young and Roode are the likely winners of the group as Storm seems to be gone but Abyss is always a possibility. Good enough here as Roode at least stayed on the neck for a story.

Group TNA Originals

Bobby Roode – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Abyss – 3 points (1 point remaining)

James Storm – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Eric Young – 3 points (1 match remaining)

Overall Rating: D+. The show was WAY better than last week but that doesn’t mean the major problems have gone. This is the fifth week in a row where they’ve followed the same formula: a few nothing matches, a ton of analysis from Josh and Pope, then a TNA Greatest Hits main event. Thankfully we can FINALLY see some light at the end of a very long tunnel as all of the groups other than Future Four have had two matches each and we even have one person in the final sixteen. The Series continues to be very well structured and executed but the wrestling mostly ranges from average to boring and that’s not good.

Results

Madison Rayne b. Brooke – Rayne Drop

Bram b. Rockstar Spud – Brighter Side of Suffering

Manik b. Mandrews – Kick to the head

Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards went to a time limit draw

Mahabali Shera b. Kenny King – Sky High

Eric Young b. Bobby Roode – Piledriver

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/product/B015IN12I2

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling – October 7, 2015: It’s A Carter Thing

Impact Wrestling
Date: October 7, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

Bound For Glory has come and gone and not a lot has changed because the World Title is now vacant. Matt Hardy won the title by pinning Drew Galloway, but Ethan Carter III fired an injunction against him for reasons that aren’t entirely clear. Therefore, tonight we’re starting a 32 person series to crown a new champion at some point in the future. In other words, we’ll be seeing a lot of matches taped a few months ago cobbled together into a competition. Let’s get to it.

We open with a stills package of Sunday’s main event, which means nothing now.

Dinero and Matthews are in the studio and throw us into a package of everything that has happened since Sunday. Ethan Carter III has gotten an injunction from a judge to prevent Matt Hardy from appearing on Impact. Why? Not important enough to explain but we’ll go with “reasons”.

Therefore, since Matt can’t appear on TNA TV, we see a video of Matt vacating the title. So yeah, we still don’t get any new details and the story is still all muddled and a way to get to the ends they need because just having Carter retain was too complicated. Matt kept talking about a controversy but there’s still no explanation of what exactly happened.

Dixie Carter talks about how the 72 hours since Bound For Glory ended have been insane. It really is insane since 72 hours ago (remember that this was recorded earlier today) would have been since Sunday afternoon, not Sunday night but we’ll just chalk that up to another reason why Dixie isn’t that bright. Dixie and Billy Corgan (who the fans are just supposed to know works for TNA) announce the 32 person series to determine the new champion. Its name: the World Title Series. Dig that creativity!

The men and women will both be involved in the series with eight groups of four each. The groups will compete against each other in round robin style matches with three points for a win, one point for a draw and zero points for a loss. There are fifteen minute time limits and the top two from each group advance to the round of sixteen, which is a single elimination tournament with no time limits.

Here’s the first group (Group UK):

Bram

Rockstar Spud

Grado

Drew Galloway

Group #2 (Group Wild Card):

Aiden O’Shea

Crazzy Steve

Kenny King

Mahabali Shera

Group #3 (Group Knockouts)

Awesome Kong

Madison Rayne

Brooke

Gail Kim

Group #4 (Group Champions)

Lashley

Austin Aries

Mr. Anderson

Ethan Carter III

Dinero and Josh make their predictions on the first four groups.

Drew Galloway talks about Sunday being the hardest night of his life. He’ll be back though.

Group UK: Drew Galloway vs. Bram

Josh says the injunction might be about Jeff Hardy hitting Carter on Sunday. That really should have been mentioned earlier as it almost kind of makes sense, but we’re 20 minutes into the show and FINALLY hearing about that theory. As usual, TNA comes off as disorganized and doesn’t bother to explain something that really should be covered earlier, assuming that’s what’s going on.

They fight into the corner to start and Bram bails to the floor. Back in and Bram bails again as we go split screen to see some clips of a roundtable group discussion from earlier in the day. I can’t stand it when this happens as it’s very distraction. Just do the audio or something as it’s not like they’re hard to tell apart.

As Bram talks about being better than the rest of the group, Drew suplexes Bram to the floor again but this time Bram sends him into the steps to take over. Back in and Bram grabs a chinlock until Galloway gets to his feet and wins a slugout. They head outside again so Galloway can send him face first into the steps over and over. Back inside and Drew’s running big boot is good for the pin and three points at 7:59.

Rating: C. Not bad here but it’s clear that we’re going to see a lot of decent to average matches with no drama until they get to the single elimination stuff. The match was fine enough and it’s a good thing that they didn’t push Bram before he went all crazy. I’m hoping we get Galloway as the new champion too, if nothing else so I can laugh at TNA for making this whole tournament when they could have just put the title on him in the first place.

Group UK Standings

Drew Galloway – 3 points (2 matches left)

Rockstar Spud – 0 points (3 matches left)

Grado – 0 points (3 matches left)

Bram – 0 points (2 matches left)

Gail Kim is thankful for the chance to be in the tournament.

Drew Galloway says Bram’s mistake was going to the floor. They’re treating this like a traditional sports event with analysis and the pre and post match interviews.

Group Knockouts: Brooke vs. Gail Kim

No title with Gail because of the taping schedule which Josh attributes to Gail being focused on the World Title. They keep the split screen stuff to a minimum here and come back to Gail monkey flipping her over, only to get caught in a pinfall reversal sequence for some near falls. Brooke grabs something like a reverse Cattle Mutilation but can’t keep the hold on.

Eat Defeat is broken up and they slug it out until Brooke grabs the Butterface Maker (in case you didn’t get the theme of Brooke’s character). She misses a top rope elbow though and Gail bends Brooke’s ribs around the post. Eat Defeat is countered again so Gail tries a leg lock, only to get rolled up for the pin at 6:25.

Rating: C. This was fine again but I’m scared of what’s going to happen if Brooke advances to the next round and someone who is supposed to be serious has to sell for her. I get what they’re going for by putting the Knockouts in but it feels way out of place at the same time. Kong and Kim would be one thing, but the other two feel like complete outliers. Then again they probably aren’t making it to the tournament so it’s not the worst thing in the world.

Group Knockouts

Brooke – 3 points (2 matches left)

Awesome Kong – 0 points (3 matches left)

Madison Rayne – 0 points (3 matches left)

Gail Kim – 0 points (2 matches left)

EC3 wants this to be called the Memorial Screwjob Series. He should be the champion because he got ripped off but it’s motivated him to win this thing. Carter promises to defeat Austin Aries tonight in record time. This series isn’t over until he wins.

The announcers talk about the first two matches.

Group UK: Rockstar Spud vs. Grado

In the split screen discussion, Grado and Spud argue over who the real underdog is. In the ring, Grado sits on Spud’s chest for two and drops a backsplash for good measure. A Cannonball misses though and Spud scores with a dropkick in the corner. Grado comes back with a Pedigree (not a good one either) for two. There go the straps but Grado’s ankle lock is quickly broken up.

Spud hits an overly complicated Worm for two but Grado tops him with a People’s Elbow. The running the ropes (multiple times across the ring) makes him tired though and Pope thinks this is the funniest thing he’s ever seen. Spud hits a decent chokeslam and the Undertaker cover gets two. Matthews calls this a slobberknocker as Grado escapes an AA but walks into a Stunner and the Underdog to give Spud the pin at 5:57.

Rating: D. Thanks for giving us this six minute ad that made me want to turn this show off and go watch the WWE Network. I get the idea they were going for here but I still don’t get the appeal of Grado. As Josh said in the Knockouts match, the idea here is supposed to be everyone is serious about the World Title. Instead though, we had a comedy match which was only funny at times. Pick an idea.

Group UK

Drew Galloway – 3 points (2 matches left)

Rockstar Spud – 3 points (2 matches left)

Grado – 0 points (2 matches left)

Bram – 0 points (2 matches left)

Pope picks EC3 to lose all of his matches.

Tyrus, with headphones around the side of his head to make him look even angrier, says he’s going to sit back and see who wins the Series because he’s up next. It would be interesting if EC3 wins.

Group Champions: Ethan Carter III vs. Austin Aries

Aries has Thea Trinidad with him for no apparent reason. Josh says the internet nerds are asking why Aries is here after he lost a career match. No Josh, actually we’re wrestling fans who sit around and listen to your mindless drivel as you try to be the cool announcer while coming off as the biggest tool this side of your local hardware store.

Heaven forbid we listen to the rules and stories your company presents and then expect them to follow their own ideas. No instead we’re nerds for trying to make sense of a business that you couldn’t even get into because you couldn’t beat freaking Maven and then no major company wanted to see you get in the ring so you’re stuck with this sinking ship of a company because WWE realized they could get any hack to replace you.

So after the explanation of “HAHA we don’t have to explain why Aries is back” we’re ready to go. Pope starts talking about Jeff Hardy getting involved on Sunday so I guess that’s the official reason for the injunction. Again, not that Ethan ever actually mentioned that but why waste time on something like that? Ethan cranks on a wristlock and then runs Aries over with a shoulder. Aries pops back up and forearms Carter outside, followed by a slingshot hilo to send Carter to the floor again.

Some elbows to the head (am I a nerd for knowing what an elbow is Josh? Or do I need to be a professional like you?) knock Ethan back inside but Aries dives on Tyrus when he gets too close to Thea. We take a break and come back with Aries fighting out of a chinlock until Ethan pulls him back to the mat for the same hold. We’ve got less than five minutes to go and this was the only match to have the time limit announced during the entrances. Aries fights back and gets a neckbreaker across the middle rope, followed by a suicide dive into the barricade.

Back in and another Tyrus distraction lets Carter get two off a TKO. Carter’s superplex is broken up and Aries gets two off the 450 in a surprising kickout. Even Tyrus was freaked out. Aries wins a slugout but Tyrus trips him up, allowing Ethan to grab a sitout powerbomb for another near fall. The Last Chancery goes on with a minute left but since that move never gets a submission, Carter gets to the ropes. Both finishers are countered three times each and Aries can’t get the Last Chancery as time runs out at 15:00.

Rating: B. I had a really good time with this one and it was cool to see Carter kick out of a big move instead of having to be saved as usual. The ending sequence with the counters was really good, but I had a hard time trying to shake off Josh’s lines at the beginning. Aries being back is a good thing, even if he’s just filling in a spot.

Aries gives Carter a brainbuster after the match.

Group Champions

Austin Aries – 1 point (2 matches left)

Ethan Carter III – 1 point (2 matches left)

Mr. Anderson – 0 points (3 matches left)

Lashley – 0 points (3 matches left)

Pope says getting a draw and one point is like getting zero points.

Mr. Anderson is glad that he’s in the toughest group. He’s all in against Lashley tonight.

Aries says Carter knows what the brainbuster feels like and it’s his first loss if he ever feels it again.

Group Knockouts: Madison Rayne vs. Awesome Kong

An early Implant Buster doesn’t work for Kong so she throws Madison across the ring. As the split screen gives us some rare talking from Kong (the seas will boil with her rage it seems), Kong throws Madison in a Torture Rack before just dropping her. Madison comes back with a missile dropkick for two but the Implant Buster ends Rayne at 4:12.

Rating: D. Total squash here with Kong looking dominant like she should have. Madison is still good in the ring but it takes a different kind of opponent to give Kong a threat. They were smart to keep this short here and it made Kong look like a real threat, assuming she can stay healthy.

Group Knockouts

Brooke – 3 points (2 matches left)

Awesome Kong – 3 points (2 matches left)

Madison Rayne – 0 points (2 matches left)

Gail Kim – 0 points (2 matches left)

Lashley is glad to be in a tournament because he’s gotten here in tournament style competition. Mr. Anderson is victim #1 tonight.

Matt Hardy talks about what a great moment Sunday night was but now it’s all gone. He’s entered into the Series and will start competing next week. So…..Carter’s injunction didn’t get rid of Matt and now he has to go through a bunch of people instead of someone he’s already beaten twice to get the belt back. Bad business sense is a bad family trait for the Carters.

Group Champions: Mr. Anderson vs. Lashley

Lashley takes him to the mat to start and we’re in a break just a few seconds after the bell. Back with Lashley suplexing Anderson with ease but the spear can’t connect yet. The split screen has Lashley and Anderson saying that they should both move on and then fight in the round of sixteen. Lashley charges into the post to give Anderson two and it’s time to work on the arm.

Anderson dropkicks Lashley’s leapfrog out of the air and it’s time to go back to the arm. A single arm DDT gets two and it’s back to the armbar. Back up and Lashley fires off some clotheslines with the good arm, including a big one in the corner. There’s a spinebuster as we have less than five minutes to go. The spear still can’t connect though and Anderson hits a pair of Regal Rolls. Anderson tries a third but Lashley rolls out and hits the spear for the win at 12:16.

Rating: C+. Not a bad main event style match here and I’m glad to see Lashley get a win for a change. He’s been falling further and further down the card in recent weeks and it’s nice to see that switch, even for one night. You have to think he and Carter are the two moving on from this group as Anderson is little more than a main event jobber.

Group Champions

Lashley – 3 points (2 matches left)

Austin Aries – 1 point (2 matches left)

Ethan Carter III – 1 point (2 matches left)

Mr. Anderson – 0 points (2 matches left)

Overall Rating: C+. You know I didn’t hate this. They’ve actually got a good idea going here and the presentation worked well. I could go for them jumping back and forth between the two sets of groups from week to week, as there are going to be six matches per group for eight groups or forty eight matches. That should cover them for seven or eight weeks as there won’t be a twelve minute intro and a full time limit draw every week.

TNA did a good job of presenting this and it should get a lot better once they get down to the final sixteen and a more traditional tournament. This felt like a bigger version of the Bound For Glory Series but more structured and that’s not a bad thing. It could be far worse and I can live with the idea of this getting us to a new champion. Of course that’s assuming you ignore all the flaws in Ethan’s plan and the fact that TNA got themselves into this trouble in the first place. Good show and a good way to get started on the latest tournament they have to run to fix their latest gaffe.

Results

Drew Galloway b. Bram – Running boot

Brooke b. Gail Kim – Small package

Rockstar Spud b. Grado – Underdog

Austin Aries vs. Ethan Carter III went to a time limit draw

Awesome Kong b. Madison Rayne – Implant Buster

Lashley b. Mr. Anderson – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/product/B015IN12I2

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling – September 16, 2015: Go Home And Take TNA With You

Impact Wrestling
Date: September 16, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

It’s the final night of the invasion as we’ll be having Lethal Lockdown between TNA and GFW for total control of the company. This is likely going to be a one match show for the most part as nothing else of note has been announced. There’s also the chance that someone could turn on their company. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the invasion leading up to tonight’s showdown inside the cage.

Jeremy Borash is in the ring for the contract signing between Dixie Carter and Jeff Jarrett. Yes they’re really saving this for the same show as the blowoff match. Since this is TNA, shouldn’t the signing be delayed? Dixie talks about how Jeff is still causing all this trouble because of how he left the company years ago.

It was Jeff’s action that led him out of TNA and Dixie was hoping that they could work together again. That didn’t happen though and it’s all in the past. Dixie is here to fight for this company going forward and it’s going forward without Jarrett. Jeff says this is a moment in history, but it’s summed up by one man: Eric Young.

Eric is a TNA original who hates Jeff’s guts and is under contract to Dixie, but he’s siding with Global Force Wrestling. What more proof does Dixie need than that? Tonight Jeff is going to take over his second wrestling company and Dixie will be out in the cold where she belongs. The papers are sealed in a briefcase but Jeff punches Jeremy Borash when he tries to take it. Dixie can hang onto it for now because the Jarrett’s will pick it up later.

Jeff Hardy drives Ethan Carter III and Tyrus to the arena. He’s sent to the back for his assignment for the night. Carter will be there when he’s watched ten to twelve cat videos on his phone.

We’re actually getting a series of videos throughout the night on the history between Dixie Carter and Jeff Jarrett. Someone, please, hit me in the head with something very very hard. I don’t think I can take this all night.

We get a quick recap of Mahabali Sheera vs. the Revolution.

Abyss vs. Mahabali Sheera

Sheera is now a dancer and dances with a guy in a Bigfoot costume at ringside. Abyss isn’t interested in dancing and attacks from behind. They’re quickly on the floor to start with Sheera ramming him into the steps, only to eat a splash back inside. We hit the neck crank for a bit before Sheera fights up, only to eat a chokeslam. The swing from Janice misses though and Sheera chokeslams him for two. Cue Storm with a chair but he hits Abyss with the cowbell by mistake. A quick Sky High (more like treetop high) gives Sheera the pin at 5:06.

Rating: D. So after spending all these weeks treating Sheera like he’s supposed to be a big deal, he’s a dancer. That’s the big idea they came up with after all this time? The guy has a look and some international appeal and he’s a dancer. Well done on giving him the definition of the dead on arrival gimmick guys. Abyss was his normal self here, which is fine for a first win for Sheera, but I can’t take him seriously with this dancing nonsense.

We IMMEDIATELY cut away to Ethan and Tyrus in the back. The champ promises a party tonight.

Here are Ethan and Tyrus to introduce Jeff Hardy, who is wearing a black suit covered with Ethan Carter faces. After Ethan cracks jokes, Jeff is forced to tell the fans to stop cheering for him. The fans don’t comply but Carter gives Jeff credit for trying. This brings out Rockstar Spud, who says this looks too familiar. When he came to this company, he did everything Ethan told him to do so he could get his foot in the door. This however is JEFF FREAKING HARDY, a man that makes the crowds go crazy. Ethan decks Spud and the three of them leave. Spud comes after Ethan but Tyrus lays him out. Jeff is forced to hit Spud.

More Dixie vs. Jeff history, including Jeff becoming the new TNA boss a few months back.

Jeff Jarrett tries to recruit Drew Galloway to GFW. TNA is a man down, so why should Drew stick around?

Earl Hebner is going into the TNA Hall of Fame.

Knockouts Title: Brooke vs. Lei’D Tapa vs. Awesome Kong vs. Gail Kim

Brooke is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Gail and Brooke go after the giants to start and are quickly thrown to the side. Tapa and Kong slug it out until Brooke and Gail beat on Tapa for a bit. Kong adds a splash and we take an early break. Back with Tapa dropping Gail face first off the barricade but Kong dives off the apron to crush Tapa with a cross body.

Gail and Brooke fight in the ring until Kong misses a charge at Tapa and takes out the champ. Tapa slams Gail down inside but Kim kicks away at the knee. Kong comes back in with a top rope splash to Tapa. Brooke’s top rope elbow hits Kong and all four are down. The giants are sent to the floor, leaving Brooke to try a sunset flip on Gail, who sits down on it for the pin and the title at 12:21.

Rating: C-. Who else? Who else could it have been but Gail Kim? She fits in so perfectly with the theme of the same tired ideas that we’ve seen dozens of times in TNA as they seem to be on their last legs (the most recent time that is), so why not just put the belt on her again so she can bore the fans to sleep one last time.

Drew gives Team TNA one more pep talk.

Ethan blames Hardy for having a World Title match next week. Jeff better help him retain the title or else.

One last Dixie vs. Jeff video, this time on Jarrett’s betrayal.

Team TNA vs. Team GFW

TNA: Lashley, Eddie Edwards, Davey Richards, Drew Galloway, ???

GFW: Sonjay Dutt, Chris Mordetzky, Jeff Jarrett, Eric Young, Brian Myers

It’s Lethal Lockdown, meaning WarGames. The first two will fight for three minutes until Team GFW sends in its second man for a two minute advantage. The teams alternate until all ten are in, which is when the roof, covered in weapons, lowers. First pin or submission after everyone has entered wins.

Sonjay sends Davey into the cage to start but Richards slugs away. That’s fine with Dutt who bites Davey’s hand and kicks him in the chest to take over. Davey kicks him in the ribs and tries a Texas Cloverleaf, but here’s Eric Young to give GFW the advantage. The slow beating continues until Drew Galloway is in to tie it up. Josh already gets his history wrong by saying Drew is the one that figured out Karen Jarrett was behind the attacks (Drew accused Jeff and Karen confessed).

Back from a break with Brian Myers in for GFW and the invaders in control. Lashley evens things up and this is really not the most even match. A bunch of spears clean house and TNA just waits around for Chris Mordetzky to make it 4-3. They all punch and kick each other until Eddie Edwards evens things up again. TNA takes over again because GFW is Eric Young and a bunch of career jobbers. Jeff Jarrett completes Team GFW and it’s time for a lot more punching. After two more minutes of nothing, Bram comes in as the tenth man.

The weapons are lowered and we take a break. Back with nothing having changed and everyone going for the weapons. The GFW guys take over for a bit until Lashley cleans house. Jarrett tries to escape but gets destroyed by every member of Team TNA until the GFW guys make the save with weapons. TNA shrugs it off like it’s nothing again, capped off by Galloway giving Myers a Future Shock on a trashcan for the pin at 31:30.

Rating: D-. This was one of the most boring, uninteresting, lamest gimmick matches I’ve seen in years. The GFW guys were a bunch of jobbers who couldn’t keep control even when they had a man advantage, mainly because they’re Eric Young, a mostly retired Jeff Jarrett, and three guys who have never won anything significant. That’s the big invading GFW force and we spent a fourth of the show kicking and punching before some lame weapons spots and a DDT end the thing. No high spots, next to no drama, no surprises, and TNA gets to beat a bunch of guys beneath them. Horrible match and nothing I ever want to think about again.

The Jarrett’s are carried out and Dixie comes to the ring for the big hero celebration to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. The best match was an average at best four way with an uninteresting ending. If this is supposed to be their big story that makes me want to care about TNA for months to come, they’re even dumber than I thought. This invasion is making me pine for the days of the Alliance as at least you got some good action in there on occasion. I was begging for this show to end and that’s never a good sign. Horrible show with one of the lamest major matches I’ve seen in years.

Results

Mahabali Sheera b. Abyss – Sky High

Gail Kim b. Brooke, Lei’D Tapa and Awesome Kong – Rollup to Brooke

Team TNA b. Team GFW – Future Shock to Myers

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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TNA One Night Only – Knockouts Knockdown III: One Of The Worst Shows I’ve Ever Seen

Knockouts Knockdown III
Date: July 1, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,100
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Rockstar Spud

I’m finally getting back to these things after a few months away. Not because they didn’t air them or anything but because they’re hard to find. Can you blame people for not wanting to put them up though? It’s another series of qualifying matches for a big gauntlet match to end the show because that’s all these things know how to do. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is standard stuff that you would expect here. I’m thinking the “standard” part is going to be a recurring theme here.

Christy Hemme and Jeremy Borash are in the ring to open the show and explain the concept. This brings out the BroMans to judge the women who will be challenging the Knockouts because they need to fill in time. Jesse is dating Angelina Love and Robbie has dumped Brooke and gotten Velvet Sky fired. He’s single and ready to mingle. The crowd on the other hand sounds like they’re ready to go to a funeral.

After ejecting Christy and JB, Robbie brings out the aspiring Knockouts, lead by Mia Yim (Jade), making this even more dated than it already was. Jesse is handling the interviewing, starting with Mia, whose dream for tonight involves Jesse himself. She thinks of slapping him off the top two years ago, but Jesse says it didn’t count because his mom didn’t see it. Next up is Alisha from Boston, who keeps correcting Jesse that it’s Alisha, not Alicia. She’s better known as Alexxis Neveah and isn’t interested in going home with either BroMan tonight (probably because she’s married to Eddie Edwards).

Su Yung is from Seattle and is asked for her drink of choice. From Starbucks, you start with shots of vanilla and carmel, plus fat free, low calorie soy milk. Much like the other two, Robbie isn’t interested in taking a picture with her due to her taste in milk. Next up is someone Robbie has a crush on: Thea Trinidad, formerly known as Rosita. Robbie bends over to pick up his selfie stick but Thea thinks it’s disgusting. No picture, but then again you’re not aspiring when you’re a former champion in the company.

Solo Darling and her furry ears implies that Jesse and Robbie are a couple and thinks adorable is a number. Laura Dennis (Cherry Bomb) lives by the code of sex, weights and protein shakes, which is finally enough to get a picture with the team. Finally we have Mary Kate from Tampa says she didn’t come here to play games with these buffoons, but she kisses Robbie for a potential advantage in her match. Robbie: “I LIKE HER!!! I WANT TO MARRY HER!!!” DJZ announces the matches for tonight but I’ll leave those for a surprise. Each of the opponents comes out to drag this even further.

This segment ran twenty five minutes, out of a show that runs less than two hours and forty five minutes.

Clips of Gail Kim winning the first competition in 2013.

Clips of Madison Rayne winning the competition last year.

Madison asks Christy Hemme about her family but cuts her off because Madison doesn’t care. She promises to win tonight and get her crown back.

Madison Rayne vs. Alisha

Before the match, Madison tells Earl Hebner to hang on a second. Madison asks Alisha what her name is but doesn’t care to hear it. The crown belong to her so Alisha doesn’t even need to look that way. The opening bell rings over thirty two minutes into the show. A quick rollup gets two on Madison and Alisha sends her into the corner, prompting a demand for a timeout. Alisha hammers away as the commentators have set a record by staying on topic for the first two minutes of a match.

Rayne gets sent outside for a breather before getting two off a rollup of her own. This isn’t the most thrilling stuff in the world so far. Madison slams Alisha’s face into the mat in her signature way before they hit cross bodies at the same time. Madison takes over again with a kick to the head but stops to yell at Hebner, allowing Alisha to get two more off a rollup. Back up and Madison grabs a rollup (and trunks) for the pin to advance to the gauntlet main event.

Rating: D. Oh man this is going to be a long night. Madison is great as the evil stuck up character but I have a bad feeling we’re going to have a bunch of clones fighting the Knockouts. That doesn’t make things interesting because it makes the rest of the card feel like a waste of the time before we find out which Knockout is chosen to win tonight.

Thea Trinidad says she’s been in TNA before (thank goodness) and she’s here tonight get some revenge on Angelina Love for past issues. She talks about the Hardys and Tommy Dreamer mentoring her and this again feels like filling in time.

Angelina Love, with boyfriend Jesse Godderz, says she’s awesome and will be the Queen of the Knockouts tonight. Rebel and Crazzy Steve come up and honk a horn. Did I mention this was taped a long time ago?

Angelina Love vs. Thea Trinidad

Feeling out process to start until Trinidad gets two off a suplex. Love sends her into the middle rope for some choking, followed by some backbreakers for two. A quickly broken chinlock is countered into a small package to give Thea two. Love comes right back with a Hennig necksnap and it’s off to a full nelson with the legs. Back up and Thea kicks her in the face for two, Matrixes away from a kick, and totally botches a bulldog.

After copying three of Trish Stratus’ signature moves (minus the springboard on the bulldog), Thea connects with a moonsault but Jesse gets on the apron for a distraction. Cue Crazzy Steve to pull him off though, allowing Thea to knock Angelina off the apron and out onto Godderz. Apparently that one crash is enough for the countout to advance Trinidad.

Rating: D. So we had to sit through seven and a half minutes to get to part of the Menagerie causing a countout because Love can get knocked down for ten seconds off what was basically a high cross body. Unfortunately I’d assume we’re using this to set up a tag match later in the show because they have no idea how to fill in two and a half hours on a Knockouts show.

Post match Robbie and DJZ come in to help with the beatdown so here’s Knux for the save to set up the six person tag for later. Oh and it’s elimination rules to make it even longer.

Gail Kim, who is pro women’s wrestling, says this is her favorite show of the year. She wants the crown.

Gail Kim vs. Laura Dennis

Before the match, Gail brings up Laura answering an open challenge back in 2013. Gail offers a handshake but Laura pulls her into for a cheap shot to take over early. That’s more personality than the other two have shown so far. Gail avoids a charge in the corner though and sends her face first into the buckle, setting up the figure four around the post. Well she is Canadian after all.

Dennis crawls up the ramp so Gail can’t dive on her. Back in and Laura gets in a knee to the ribs to take over again before busting out some Cattle Mutilation. Gail rolls out of that and ties up the arm while bending Laura’s leg over her shoulder to make it kind of a half crab. The hold looks too awesome to keep it on very long so Gail hits a Stinger Splash and the running cross body to the ribs for two. Eat Defeat puts Dennis away.

Rating: C-. I have a feeling this isn’t getting topped tonight. As you might expect, the most talented in ring Knockout there is and the one who has been wrestling for ten years had a good match. Dennis was solid enough out there, but like I’ve said too often tonight, I can’t get much out of them in a seven minute match and a quick promo.

Quick Knockouts music video. Nice job on showing Taryn in her Dollhouse gimmick after showing her as the old version in the arena.

Havok wants to fight Amazing Kong. Yes Amazing.

Solo Darling vs. Havok

Darling has furry ears and a long tail. Heaven help me she’s wrestling with the tail on. Havok throws her around to start and it’s time to talk about Spud’s pajamas. Solo’s right hands to the stomach have no effect so Havok puts on a weak full nelson. A backbreaker sets up some choking in the corner, followed by some hard running kicks to the jaw. Solo avoids another kick and comes back with some of the lamest shots to the ribs that I’ve ever seen. Havok’s powerbomb is countered with a hurricanrana but a chokeslam ends Darling in a hurry.

Rating: D. Just a squash here but Darling’s offense looked pathetic. To be fair though this was back when Havok was interesting (and employed) so it was cool to see her built up as someone who could fight Kong in a big showdown. Ignore the fact that the showdown wound up being lame of course. Finally, what was up with the tail? I mean…..actually no. I don’t want to know.

Post match Kong’s music sounds like it’s starting but Havok says they’ll fight tonight.

And now, since filling in two hours and forty minutes when you have music videos, interviews and a twenty five minute promo, here’s a fifteen minute match from Impact on November 19, 2014.

Knockouts Title: Havok vs. Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell

Havok is defending and this is one fall to a finish. The challengers go right at Havok but get dropped with a double clothesline. Havok throws Gail onto Taryn and then sends her shoulder first into the post. A spinebuster plants Taryn but Gail tries AJ Lee’s Black Widow on the champ. Havok is in trouble and Taryn adds an Indian Deathlock for good measure. Somehow Havok powers out of it and they all fight to the floor with Havok catching Terrell, only to have Gail dive on both of them as we take a break.

Back with Havok still on the floor and Taryn rolling Gail up for two. A running flip neckbreaker puts Gail down again but Havok pulls Taryn from the ring and drops her throat first across the barricade. Gail heads outside also but gets spinebustered onto the floor. Back in and Havok splashes both girls for two but Gail is up first and drapes Havok across the top rope.

A kind of Fameasser from the top puts Havok on the floor but Taryn jumps Gail from behind. Terrell takes her to the top but Havok comes back in to make it a Tower of Doom. The champ stacks them up again but misses a middle rope splash. Taryn and Gail break out of a double chokeslam attempt and hammer away until Gail scores with a DDT. A cross body gets two each before Eat Defeat and an RKO get two for Terrell. Gail rolls up Taryn but gets caught in a sunset flip to give Terrell the title at 14:32.

Rating: B-. This was the best Knockouts match in awhile but it doesn’t mean what TNA wants it to be. First of all, as mentioned, Havok has won something like five matches in TNA over the course of six weeks with one of those being a battle royal. That’s hardly taking the title off Roode after seven months. Also, Terrell pinned Gail, which likely sets up a showdown later. It’s a good match but nowhere near the moment they were hoping for.

Taryn says she wants the crown. These promos have been the exact same thing every time.

Su Yung vs. Taryn Terrell

Yung dances to the ring and freaks out that she’s actually getting to face Terrell. So she’s Bayley’s original character. Feeling out process to start with Taryn grabbing a headlock followed by a shoulder block. Taryn slams her down a few times so Yung shakes her hand in thanks. A monkey flip sends Su down as this is one sided so far. Yung gets in some of her first offense by putting Taryn in the Tree of Woe for some running dropkicks to the ribs. That’s about it for Su though as she gets slammed off the top, followed by a missile dropkick and high cross body for two. The Hot Mess (RKO) sends Taryn to the gauntlet.

Rating: D+. It’s hard to argue with find fault when I have to look at Taryn Terrell for a few minutes. Young had more charisma than any jobber not named Cherry Bomb yet and that made the match a lot easier to sit through. However, it’s still a pretty lame match as we’re merely killing time before the gauntlet match.

Speaking of killing time, here’s a history of the Knockouts Title video.

Brooke makes fun of Robbie E. and says she wants the crown.

Brooke vs. Mia Yim

First bad sign here: the announcers call Mia by her new name of Jade, even though no one had called her that on this show. That’s the extent of talk about Mia though, as they switch over to talking about Brooke’s figure. A fall away slam sends Brooke flying to start and Mia gives her a quick Stink Face. Oh yeah we have a theme here.

Mia channels her inner Kevin Owens by telling the crowd to get ready before slapping on a regular chinlock. Brooke avoids a running book in the corner but stops to shake her hips, giving the announcers a new reason to talk about her. After a quickly broken surfboard, Mia misses a Cannonball in the corner, allowing Brooke to come off the top with a mostly missing hurricanrana. Another Stink Face sets up the Tesshocker to give us another full time Knockout in the gauntlet.

Rating: D. Comedy match without the comedy here as the main roster Knockouts’ dominance is getting really old by now. As has been the case with everything else on this show, the squash matches have felt like a way to kill time because they have nothing else to do. Mia is talented but there’s nothing she can do in a five minute comedy match.

Video on Awesome Kong (not Amazing Havok) being dominant.

Awesome Kong vs. Mary Kate

You might remember Mary Kate as Rosie Lottalove, though she’s since lost well over 120lbs and looks far better. Before the match, Mary talks about talking out Knockouts in her first run (meaning she was so big and horrible in the ring that she injured Daffney) but now she’s here to dominate. It makes sense as everyone else seems to be here to do exactly that.

They test out power to start with Mary forearming Kong in the back. We get a test of strength and Kong takes over almost instantly. They slug it out with Mary actually getting in some shots and putting Kong down with a dropkick. Kong shrugs it all off though and takes Mary’s head off with a spinning backfist, followed by a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D+. I’m rating this higher because of the remarkable weight loss for Mary and that spinning backfist, which knocked Mary’s head off. They’re not really hiding the fact that Kong is the one to beat in the gauntlet match so why bother pretending that they’re going with anything else?

Havok and Kong stare each other down in the aisle.

We recap the six person elimination tag being set up earlier tonight.

Menagerie vs. Angelina Love/BroMans

It’s Crazzy Steve/Knux/Rebel for the carnival freaks. Robbie starts with a war/rain dance, followed by a cartwheel. Knux does the same and it’s time for a comedy match to fill in time. Steve gets slammed onto Robbie for two so it’s off to Jesse, who can’t figure out Steve either. Remember a few months ago with Robbie was scared of clowns? Don’t worry because TNA doesn’t either.

Off to the girls (you know, the point of the show) with Angelina scoring with a running knee lift. Rebel fights back with kick to the ribs and a delayed slam, followed by the splits legdrop for the elimination. Jesse runs in to roll Rebel up to tie up a second later, meaning we’re now stuck with the men fighting on the Knockouts show. The good guys take over with Knux slamming Steve on Jesse for two more but some BroMans’ double teaming takes over again.

Robbie’s sleeper slows Knux down but he’s still able to counter a cross body into a powerslam. Steve comes in to clean house, causing Spud to call the clown a crazy fool. Jesse grabs a quick rollup to eliminate Steve, which JB says makes it 3-1. Knux gets rid of Jesse with a cross body (yes a cross body) before a Sister Abigail puts Robbie away.

Rating: D-. I don’t think the men having most of the action in a match on the women’s show really requires that much of an explanation. Rebel continues to be there because of how good she looks in trunks and that’s about it. Love is out of things to do in TNA and there’s no real reason for her to stick around. Granted the same thing is true of the Menagerie, who I actually liked.

In case you haven’t had one in too long, here’s a video of how the Knockouts got to the gauntlet. You know, all but one of the main roster set, with the one aspiring Knockout being a former title holder in TNA.

Gauntlet Match

Royal Rumble style until it’s down to the final two when it’s pin/submission. Thea Trinidad is in at #1 and Gail Kim is in at #2. They trade what would have been rollups had there been covers to start until Gail takes over with a neckbreaker. Madison Rayne is in at #3 after what seemed to be a two minute interval. Some clotheslines put Gail and Thea down to start before choking in the corner kills even more time.

After almost nothing interesting in two minutes, Havok is in at #4. They’re barely doing anything here and it’s borderline depressing. Thea kicks away at Havok but gets dumped as Taryn Terrell is in at #5. Taryn starts cleaning house until they pair off to get this back to dull. Havok rams Gail and Madison together and it’s Brooke in at #6, with Spud wanting us to sing her song. Madison gets eliminated and Gail gets a Stink Face from Brooke. You can ink (not pencil) in Havok vs. Kong as the final from here.

Kong comes in at #7 and if you can’t keep track of who is still in there at this point, you’re beyond my help. Brooke is thrown out almost immediately and Taryn follows her a few seconds later. Gail tries a high cross body to both monsters and gets dumped out with ease. Now it’s one on one with pins or submissions for the win. They trade big shots and Kong scores with a cross body before sitting on Havok’s chest for two. Havok’s choke takedown (you have to go into the air for a slam) gets two and Kong’s chokeslam gets the same. A second chokeslam gives Kong the crown.

Rating: F. We waited two hours for a boring fifteen minute main event with the most obvious winner in the history of obvious winners. The fact that this might have been their best idea is disturbing and makes these shows even more worthless than the seemed to be in the past. I didn’t think that was possible but as usual, TNA manages to get worse than anyone thought they ever could.

Kong won’t wear the crown and beats up the referee to end the show.

Overall Rating: L. As in a loss, both for and by the Knockouts. This was one of the worst shows that I’ve ever seen, bar none. They completely failed at any of the objectives they were attempting to achieve and made the division look like the least interesting thing in the history of their promotion. On top of that, it was clear that they didn’t even have time to fill in an hour and a half, let alone two hours and forty minutes.

Let’s look at the things they used to fill time here: multiple music videos, a TWENTY FIVE MINUTE OPENING SEGMENT, a fifteen minute match from the previous year (plus an extra three minutes for entrances), a bunch of worthless interviews and recap videos. This show felt like it was nearly half recap/filler and above all else, the BroMans got WAY more time than any of the women with a twenty five minute segment and a ten minute match. Well nearly ten minutes (9:50), or the longest new match on the show by two minutes.

This thing was a disaster and made the entire division look boring and horribly uninteresting. They would have been far better off airing a Best Of show instead because these things aren’t working. It was mainly the same women fighting that we’ve seen for years in some of the worst matches I can remember. Instead of adding time to the matches, the aired an old match and had a long, unfunny comedy segment. I would LOVE to hear someone from TNA defend this mess because I’m convinced it can’t be done.

I know TNA had a bad reputation on a lot of things and some of it is unfair, but then you have something like this and how in the world can you argue for them? How? This is their bright idea for the month and something they think is worthy of airing. Instead of ANOTHER gauntlet/tournament, why not just have the girls go out there and have some long twenty minute matches? TNA loves to brag about how awesome the Knockouts are and this is what they give us. This was unacceptable and easily one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling – September 9, 2015: I Just Don’t Care

Impact Wrestling
Date: September 9, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

The invasion is on in full force but there’s a chance we’re just a week away from it ending. Last week both sides agreed to a winner take all match to air a week from tonight with the winning side owning all of TNA. Other than that we’re just a few weeks away from Bound For Glory and the card hasn’t been announced yet. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s events, including the challenge for the winner take all match, as well as Ethan Carter III retaining over Matt Hardy and winning Jeff Hardy in the process.

The announcers talk for a bit before Ethan and Tyrus come to the ring. Ethan talks about the invasion before saying he really doesn’t care. There’s a rare instance of a wrestler speaking for the masses. Last week Ethan entered God Mode and defeated Matt Hardy to earn Jeff, so now he would like his personal assistant out here. Jeff isn’t allowed music but is asked to bring Ethan and Tyrus some water.

Unfortunately he gets the temperature wrong with a totally unacceptable 73 degrees instead of 72. Ethan throws the water on him in a “first day rib” before handing him a big Ethan Carter head on a stick to hold up. Jeff has to read an introduction off a card, making sure to call Ethan very handsome. The champ approves before announcing himself/Tyrus vs. Matt Hardy/Rockstar Spud.

Tyrus/Ethan Carter III vs. Matt Hardy/Rockstar Spud

Matt beats Tyrus up to start before getting to do the same to Ethan. A Russian legsweep gets two and it’s off to Spud for some Poetry in Motion, though Carter catches him in midair. Matt helps him out though and a double suplex gets two on Ethan. Tyrus does his job by pulling Spud out to the floor and drives him spine first into the apron to take over. Back in and both villains work over the ribs and back to show some common sense. Spud tries to fight back but gets taken down again with a drop toehold.

Jeff is told to get in a shot with the sign but he holds it up instead. The distraction lets Matt come in off the tag and house is cleaned, including a clothesline for two on Tyrus. Spud doesn’t have the same level of luck on Tyrus as he’s thrown across the ring with ease. Ethan pulls Jeff in the way of Matt’s right hand and tells his new assistant to hit Spud with a chair. Jeff won’t do it so Tyrus picks Spud up and hits the spike to the throat for the pin at 7:30.

Rating: C-. This story isn’t very interesting. That’s the best way to put it: there’s no real reason to care about this story because Jeff can’t get in the ring at the moment. Once he does, that’s the best they can do? Jeff Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III? That’s really not a great match on paper, as I’m sick and tired of seeing Jeff Hardy on top of the promotion, especially when he can’t even stay healthy because he’s off on a dirt bike somewhere.

We recap Brian Myers and Trevor Lee stealing the Tag Team Titles from the Wolves last week.

Drew Galloway and the Wolves are ready for war.

Taryn tells Rebel to take out one of the Beautiful People.

The Dollhouse jump Madison Rayne until the Beautiful People make the late save.

Here are the Jarretts for their weekly interview. Tonight they start by winning the man advantage in next week’s winner take all match and then next week they complete the hostile takeover. First up though, he wants Bobby Roode to come out here and return the King of the Mountain Title. Roode brings out the belt and says he’s not giving the belt up because it belong to TNA and the fans.

Bobby takes his shirt off but Karen tells them to chill out because they’re acting like children. Karen reminds Jeff that he’s a week away from everything he wants and tells Roode that everyone in TNA is outnumbered. The two of them have worked together a lot over the years and Roode needs to think about that.

Eli Drake talks to Kenny King and Jesse Godderz about the invasion but Galloway comes up and says it’s time to get serious. They question how good he is in a war so Galloway introduces them to three men who will stand up for TNA: Micah, Tigre Uno and Robbie E., who are promptly beaten down.

Ethan yells at Jeff Hardy for not hitting Spud with the sign. As punishment, Jeff gets to sell some new EC3 merchandise.

Jesse Godderz/Kenny King/Eli Drake vs. Robbie E./Micah/Tigre Uno

So I guess Bram beat the face turn out of King last week. Micah and King start but a single butterfly suplex sends King off for a tag to Jesse, who is run over by Robbie. Tigre comes in for some headscissors on Drake before it’s back to Micah to start in on the arm. Micah is taken into the corner and some triple teaming has him in trouble. That only lasts a few seconds before a double clothesline allows the tag to Uno. Tigre grabs a tornado DDT on King before the BroMans are both tagged in. Everything breaks down and we hit the parade of secondary finishers, capped off by the Boom Drop finishing off Jesse at 7:00.

Rating: C. It was fine and a pretty decent six man but this six guys doing moves to each other for a few minutes. It’s rarely a good sign when you have a match going on for the sake of having a match going on but that’s what these six guys were doing here. The invasion and the impending (still potential) cancellation has crippled this show, which didn’t really have a lot of energy in the first place. However, what does it say when a match with barely any story is one of the better things they’ve aired in a few weeks?

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Brooke

Brooke is defending but the announcers immediately start bowing down to Gail, just in case we forget that she’s the most awesome and amazing Knockout of all time. A headlock has Gail in trouble to start and Brooke kicks her out to the floor. Back in and a middle rope X Factor gets two for the champ but Gail grabs an armbar/headscissors combo to slow things down.

They roll around on the mat until Brooke lays on Gail’s back and puts on a chinlock at the same time. It’s kind of like a bad Last Chancery but the way she’s looking makes it look like the hold wouldn’t have much effect. Both of them try cross bodies but here’s Lei’D Tapa to grab the title belt. The Tess Shocker gets two but Brooke lets up when she sees Tapa with the title. She dives on Tapa but stops to pose, allowing Tapa to hit her with the belt for the DQ at 6:08.

Rating: C-. The match was good enough except for the fact that NO ONE CARES ABOUT LEI’D TAPA. No one cared about her when she somehow got the Gut Check win over Ivelisse, no one cared about her first run in TNA and no one cares about this run in TNA. She’s just there to look intimidating and can’t do anything else, basically making her a less talented version of her uncle. As for the match between the female Lance Storm and Billy Gunn, I’ve seen worse but taking the title off Taryn and putting it on Brooke was a bad idea and killed whatever momentum they had.

Post match Awesome Kong comes out and beats up Tapa before picking up the title.

Jeff Jarrett gives Team GFW a pep talk.

Jeff Hardy talks to Galloway about standing up for TNA but Ethan comes in to give him gear to clean. Hardy tells Galloway to take the title away soon. That sounds like a Bound For Glory tease.

Tag Team Titles: Brian Myers/Trevor Lee vs. Wolves

Myers and Lee are defending after winning the belts last week. The Wolves meet them in the aisle and clean house, followed by a double suicide dive to take the champs down. Back in and the brawling continues with Trevor hitting a kind of running belly to belly (that’s a very new one) for two on Edwards as we get into a standard formula. Eddie fights out of the double teaming and makes the tag to Davey for the “make a guy DDT his partner” spot, followed by a superplex for two on Lee.

An enziguri into a German suplex gets the same with Myers making a save. Myers hits a quick downward spiral to set up Lee’s German suplex for two on Edwards as the tagging has already been forgotten. Edwards avoids a running knee to the face and the powerbomb/Backstabber combination plants Lee. Sonjay Dutt makes the save and decks the referee but here’s Earl Hebner to shove Dutt down, leaving Edwards to tombstone Lee to regain the belts at 7:10.

Rating: C. WELL THAT WAS POINTLESS. We just spent a week freaking out over Myers and Lee winning the belts and the Wolves have them back a week later? As usual, TNA has to rush through everything because they’re about to be canceled and they think the worst invasion of all time is going to be enough to save them. This lack of drama over the belts didn’t make me care and continues to make the GFW guys look like losers who have to cheat to come close to being on TNA’s level.

Here’s Sgt. Chris Melendez to say he doesn’t mind missing his leg. He’s still on his last leg so he’s willing to fight Eric Young one more time. Young brings out the leg with the words “my leg” written on it like a trophy. If Melendez is a hero, Young never wants to be one because heroes always fail. Kurt Angle learned what it was like to face Eric Young and now he’s out on his couch. Melendez says he’ll never quit because he’s always here to fight. Young offers to fight right now but shoves Melendez down. He’ll fight Chris again but Eric will never give the leg back.

Team TNA is ready for the captains’ match tonight.

Josh Matthews sits down with Mahabali Sheera, who can’t believe he’s here. He arrived and met Manik, who introduced him to James Storm and the Revolution. Sheera promises that he’s coming for James Storm and will get his revenge. Some of this was in whatever foreign language he speaks but thankfully there were some subtitles. He gets Abyss next week.

Drew Galloway vs. Chris Mordetzky

Lumberjack match and the winner’s team gets the one man advantage next week. Drew clotheslines him down and we take a break less than a minute in. Back with Galloway and Mordetzky taking turns being sent outside for some interference from the lumberjacks before Chris scores with a big clothesline. A camel clutch doesn’t get Chris very far so he plants Drew with a Sky High for two. Both guys go outside again and the lumberjacks stand around because they can’t even get that job right.

Back in and the Future Shock puts Mordetzky down but the GFW lumberjacks pull Drew to the floor. The Wolves take them down with suicide dives but Jarrett runs in with the guitar. Cue Eric Young to take it away though, only to have him knock Drew cold to give Mordetzky the pin at 11:58.

Rating: D+. Oh joy we get more Eric Young. So I guess the question now is does Bobby Roode join TNA to counter Young or does the combined forces of Team Canada take TNA down for good. Mordetzky is fine in the ring but he sounds like a shop teacher in a 90s high school movie. Not a good match here but at least we’re getting close to the end of this stupid invasion.

Overall Rating: D. What is on this show that I should care about? We have a boring invasion where most of the wrestlers are either WWE rejects or people that have to cheat to even stay on the level of TNA’s midcard. We have Ethan Carter III vs. the Hardys in a feud over Jeff being a personal assistant. We have the Knockouts doing their thing which seems destined for ANOTHER Gail Kim title reign. Finally we have Chris Melendez vs. Eric Young XIV or so over whatever Melendez has left.

That’s almost all of TNA right now. There is almost nothing else going on with this show and for the first time, I really don’t care about anything on this show. On top of that, we have three shows before Bound For Glory and I doubt we’ll get anything announced next week either. I’m actually hoping they go away for awhile, if nothing else so they can get some fresh ideas in here. Really dull show this week as the lame stories are dragging down some actually watchable wrestling.

Results

Tyrus/Ethan Carter III b. Matt Hardy/Rockstar Spud – Spike to Spud’s throat

Robbie E./Micah/Tigre Uno b. Jesse Godderz/Kenny King/Eli Drake – Boom Drop to Godderz

Brooke b. Gail Kim via DQ when Lei’D Tapa interfered

Wolves b. Brian Myers/Trevor Lee – Tombstone to Lee

Chris Mordetzky b. Drew Galloway – Pin after Eric Young hit Galloway with a guitar

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling – July 29, 2015: Oh Shut Up Already

Impact Wrestling
Date: July 29, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

The big story coming out of last week is Matt Hardy earning the #1 contendership in a tables match over Bobby Roode. This was the result of the night’s main story being thrown out due to the Hernandez issue, which is likely going to cause even more problems tonight. Other than changing things up though, we do get Jeff Jarrett’s Hall of Fame induction. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s major events, including Jeff Jarrett being announced as the next Hall of Fame inductee, Serena being announced as James Storm’s partner and Matt Hardy becoming #1 contender.

Here’s Austin Aries with something to say. Aries may not have a title right now, but politics and backstage issues aside, there is no one on the face of this planet who is better than he is. Therefore, why wasn’t he involved in the #1 contenders match last week? Bully Ray may be in charge but he’s already off to a bad start with mistakes like that.

Cue Bully Ray, who says his opinion is the only one that matters. Sure Aries is great. He’s so great that he even beat Bully himself at one point. Aries is going to get another shot at what he deserves. Austin interprets that as a World Title shot but Ray says Aries already lost that chance. In that case, Aries will settle for a Tag Team Title shot with Bobby Roode. That’s a no as well, so Aries can challenge for the X-Division Title later tonight.

Aries isn’t happy because that title is beneath him. The X-Division Title is for people like Rockstar Spud, who comes out in objection. Spud is a big Aries fan, but a statement like he just made hurts. Option C gave people like Spud a chance to be World Heavyweight Champion because it gave them a reason to believe in themselves. Austin laughs this off because Option C was made for people like himself, not Rockstar Spud.

Yeah Angle beat him once, but that would only happen one out of ten times. Spud on the other hand would lost to him every time. Since Aries has nothing to do tonight, why doesn’t he beat Spud up instead? Spud thinks he can beat Aries instead of just hanging with him, which makes Aries say he’ll leave if he loses tonight. Ray accepts that as a contract and the match is on for later tonight. Aries agrees, but wants the Rockstar moniker if he wins.

The Jarretts are here.

Chris Melendez tells Kurt Angle that he has to beat Eric Young to move forward in his career.

Sgt. Chris Melendez vs. Eric Young

Angle is out with Chris. Before the match, Melendez says he’ll keep fighting no matter what, just like he did overseas. Young comes out and says Melendez doesn’t want him coming in there because it will end badly for him. The bell rings and Eric slaps him in the back of the head a few times as we’re suddenly told Aries vs. Spud is next week at No Surrender. Is there even a point to having specials when they’re the same shows we get every week? Young stays on him and drives some elbows into the back of the head before a quick piledriver is good for the pin 3:12. Well that was a waste of time.

Rating: D. TNA, I know Melendez is a cool story, but there is nothing interesting about him. He’s nothing special in the ring, he’s nothing special on the mic and his one legged gimmick is long past its expiration date. What is there about him that is supposed to interest me? Nothing to see here and I have a feeling it’s going to keep going.

Sting Hall of Fame video.

Matt Hardy doesn’t know what stipulation he’s picking for his title match against Ethan Carter III. “We will announce the stipulation later.” JB wants to know who the other half of we is, even though it was already announced next week.

Knockouts Title: Brooke vs. Marti Bell

Brooke is defending yeah this is just the token title defense against the former champion’s lackey. The champ cleans house to start but goes after Taryn (in a tutu), allowing Marti to get in a cheap shot to take over. Brooke comes back with a quick shot to the face for two, only to have a kick to the jaw change control back to Marti. A superplex is broken up though and Brooke nails a middle rope clothesline. Brooke gets two off a Russian legsweep but the Dollhouse tries to interfere, only to have Gail Kim…..play her entrance video for a distraction, allowing Brooke to hit the Butterface Maker on Marti to retain at 4:40.

Rating: D. I’m so sick of this division. They had something interesting in the Dollhouse but they take the title off Taryn for the sake of pushing Brooke, who is there for one thing and one thing only. Oh and we get Gail Kim being all serious because what else is she supposed to do? Lame match too.

Kurt Angle Hall of Fame video.

More from Tigre Uno in Tijuana, this time talking about what TNA has done for his family. He loves lucha libre and thinks it’s better than anything in the world. These aren’t exactly thrilling statements.

Tigre Uno calls Donald Trump a coward.

Ethan Carter III isn’t worried about what stipulation Matt picks.

Here are Carter and Tyrus for Matt’s announcement. Remember when World Title matches were just wrestling matches? After saying Bully sucks eggs, Carter rips on the Hardys for being a couple of North Carolina hillbillies. If this was against Jeff Hardy then maybe Ethan would be worried but Jeff broke his leg on a motocross bike. Ethan says Matt isn’t a World Title contender so here’s Jeff to object.

Jeff admits that he cried from the pain of his broken leg but he conquers fears. Before Carter knows it he’ll be dropping titanium shins on Ethan’s face. Before Carter knows it, Jeff will be the next World Champion. It’s nice to see Jeff admitting that his brother has no chance. This brings out Matt who draws a NEXT WORLD CHAMP chant.

Matt talks about the Hardys being told they can’t do it and always proving people wrong. It’s not a competition between the brothers to see who is best, which is why Jeff is supporting him this week. Jeff gets to make the announcement but instead of saying anything, he asks Matt to pull some stuff out from under the ring. Matt pulls out a table, a chair and a ladder because WHAT ELSE WOULD THE HARDYS PICK??? In case it’s not clear, next week is Full Metal Mayhem. On top of that, no one is allowed at ringside during the match. This took WAY too much time for the only possible conclusion.

Team 3D Hall of Fame video.

Magnus and Mickie James are ready for James Storm and Serena.

James Storm/Serena vs. Mickie James/Magnus

This is a result of Storm being a psycho who tried to get Mickie in the ring for one last match as a way to get inside her head and make her join the Revolution. The guys officially get things going with Magnus in control until Storm gets in a knee from the apron. Storm slaps on a chinlock and we take a break.

Back with Mickie chasing Serena around, only to allow Storm to plant Magnus with a Backstabber. Storm throws his sweat on Mickie and puts Magnus in a quickly broken chinlock. Magnus can’t get anything going though as he charges into Closing Time (Codebreaker) to keep him in trouble. Josh thinks it’s a gutbuster for reasons not entirely clear.

Both guys try cross bodies and it’s off to the girls with Mickie cleaning house. Everything breaks down and Storm goes after Mickie, only to get speared down for his efforts. Serena calls out Khoya, who hits Storm with the stick by mistake. Magnus adds a powerslam to Storm and the MickieDT ends Serena at 12:15.

Rating: D+. I don’t know if it’s been the boring show that led up to it but MY GOODNESS I did not care about this match. Serena could have been any warm body out there and she didn’t add much to the match. It doesn’t help that this feud basically ended a few weeks back but they dragged them out there one more time for the “blowoff”, which really didn’t do anything. Boring match which was mainly about the men while trying to be about the women.

Storm gets a MickieDT for good measure.

Mr. Anderson is worried about facing Bram because of the depths he’ll have to sink to.

Bram suggests Anderson kiss his kids goodnight and tell them goodbye because he isn’t going home.

We run down the No Surrender card.

Video on Jeff Jarrett’s career. I do get a good chuckle of TNA trying to make Jarrett seem like someone on Rock and Austin’s level, especially after they spent so much time ripping on him over the years.

Here’s Dixie Carter to induct Jarrett into the Hall of Fame. She tells a story of meeting Jeff when she lived in Tennessee and compares him to George Bailey from It’s A Wonderful Life. Dixie welcomes the Jarretts to the ring and after a break, it’s time to hear from Jeff. Jeff thanks everyone who has ever bought something from TNA and everyone who has ever worked for TNA. He leaves off people who have done work for them but haven’t actually gotten paid but I’m sure they’re included too.

Jeff lists off a bunch of production guys and office workers in what felt like something special. Mike Tenay gets thanked for holding things in place when they fell apart at times. “Don West not so much.” Then you have the X-Division, Knockouts and tag teams who all work so hard and prove that it can be more than just heavyweights main eventing. The heavyweights get a thank you as well, including AJ Styles.

Jarrett talks about a falling out with his dad (a legendary promoter in his own right) over this company but thanks him so much for getting him here. His children are the reason he’s here and even though they drive him crazy, they keep him going. Last but not least in family is Jeff’s wife Karen, who has been Jeff’s rock. A quick thank you to the fans leads to a THANK YOU JEFF chant and the roster (like 15 people) come out to applaud as the show ends. This was a nice ceremony and speech, but it felt really rushed because of the lack of time.

Overall Rating: F+. This was awful. With under twenty minutes combined of actual wrestling (if you count the commercial in the tag as ring time they crack it by less than ten seconds) and a bunch of last second building to a “special” that was announced tonight, what was the point of this show? To show that Jarrett is still a big deal? They did that already with all the packages and Slammiversary main event.

This show felt like it went on forever and built up nothing interesting. No Surrender feels like a show that is there to pop a rating, which TNA has kind of almost sort of done what, once or twice ever? I really didn’t care for this show and I didn’t want to sit through the rest of it, but that’s all we get these days in TNA. The wheels are falling off and the TV is getting worse and worse every single week. GFW getting here is supposed to be their saving grace, but TNA is barely worth saving at this point.

Results

Eric Young b. Sgt. Chris Melendez – Piledriver

Brooke b. Marti Belle – Butterface Maker

Mickie James/Magnus b. James Storm/Serena – MickieDT to Serena

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6