WWE Vault: One Sided Beatdowns: Oh I Loved This
One-Sided Beatdowns
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Paul E. Dangerously, Lance Russell, Joey Styles, Vince McMahon, Jim Cornette, Tony Schiavone, Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves, Kevin Sullivan, Tommy Dreamer, Todd Grisham
So this is something that WWE put together on the Vault, which is basically a 40 minute collection of squash matches. That is the kind of thing which can make for some fun violence, as some of those squashed can be all kinds of entertaining. I’m going into this mostly blind so this should be good. Let’s get to it.
Little bit of a weird thing here: on YouTube, the identifications on some of the matches are all over the place, with Big E. being listed instead of Sid Vicious, a match with Bayley on commentary listing her in the match and some other names being nowhere near close. No idea what’s up with that.
From Monday Night Raw, December 10, 2001.
Hardcore Title: Undertaker vs. Spike Dudley
Undertaker is defending and Spike throws in a bunch of weapons before the bell, with Undertaker swatting a trashcan out of the air. Undertaker doesn’t care so Spike goes and sits on his motorcycle, which is enough to start the destruction. The beating begins on the floor and Spike is thrown inside for a hard right to the head.
Spike is tied in the Tree of Woe (which Lawler seems to have never heard of before) but he gets out for a low blow. Some trashcan lids to the head just annoy Undertaker, who smashes him in the head with the same lid. Undertaker drives a forearm over Spike’s face and the Last Ride onto a trashcan retains at 2:36. This wasn’t quite one sided but ticked off Undertaker can be most enjoyable.
Post match Undertaker chokeslams him over the top and out to the floor (OUCH).
From WCW Main Event, August 27, 1989.
Sid Vicious vs. Lee Scott
Sid hits a big clothesline and the fans are just going nuts for him. A gorilla press to the floor lets Sid throw him back inside. The helicopter slam sets up the powerbomb to complete the destruction at 1:30. This was GREAT as Sid absolutely massacred him.
From ECW On Sci Fi, August 1, 2006.
Kurt Angle vs. Brooklyn Brawler
Commentary doesn’t think much of Brawler’s chances. The ankle lock sends Brawler straight to the ropes to start so Angle beats him up there instead. A headbutt and ankle lock finish Brawler at 1:10.
From Monday Night Raw, June 19, 1995.
Shawn Michaels vs. Gus Kantarrakis
The name graphic has two R’s in the latter’s name but everything else I can find shows just one. Not a good sign when even the company can’t bother getting your name right. Michaels shoulders him down to start and runs the ropes…but has to stop and pick him up. They get back up and Michaels hits another shoulder so he can ride on Gus’ back for the comedy.
Michaels gets Gus to chase him on the floor and then has a seat in the front row. Gus’ cheap shot doesn’t work as commentary ignores the match to talk about celebrity news. Back in and Gus manages a right hand to the ribs and slows Michaels down but he easily sends Gus outside. A suplex on the floor has Gus in more trouble and the superkick knocks him silly out there as well. Back in and the fans want it one more time so Michaels basically Weekend At Bernie’s him into another superkick for the pin at 4:20.
Rating: C. Gus was another level of useless here as he had a weird look and Michaels was almost wrestling himself at times. That being said, this was the goofy Michaels who felt like a star no matter what he was doing and there was no way to avoid putting the title on him next year.
From WCW TV, May 10, 1986.
Midnight Express vs. Mulkey Brothers
Naturally Jim Cornette is here with the Express and even jumps on commentary. Condrey backdrops Randy to start as Cornette says tomorrow is Mother’s Day so he loves Mama Cornette…and wants his allowance. Randy is taken outside and suplexed onto the concrete before Bill comes in, only to be tossed outside as well. Back in and Bill’s face is rubbed into the mat as Cornette calls out Dusty Rhodes and Magnum TA.
A belly to back superplex plants Bill again as Cornette WILL NOT SHUT UP, which is what made him a legend. Bill is sent hard into the corner and a butterfly suplex gives Eaton one, as he pulls Bill up over and over. Randy comes in and actually scores with some punches to Condrey, who suplexes him right back down. A good looking top rope elbow hits Randy and Condrey finally finishes with what would be better known as the Skull Crushing Finale at 4:53.
Rating: C+. The Midnights turned the tag team squash into an art form and the Mulkeys were some of the best targets they could have had. It wouldn’t have been right to leave the Midnights off of something like this as they really were great at what they did. Throw in Cornette ranting at everyone he could think of and it was a lot of fun.
From Monday Nitro, June 1, 1998.
US Title: Goldberg vs. La Parka
Goldberg is defending, gets hit in the head with a chair before the bell, and runs through him with the spear and Jackhammer to retain at 28 seconds. Well you knew Goldberg was going to be on this show.
From Monday Night Raw, July 25, 2016.
Braun Strowman vs. James Ellsworth
Ellsworth hides in the corner at the bell and then thinks it’s a good idea to come up swinging. Strowman throws him into the corner and hits a big boot to the chest, setting up a running splash. A reverse chokeslam finishes Ellsworth at 1:10. Yeah that worked.
From WCW TV, December 16, 1989.
Steiner Brothers vs. Cactus Jack Manson/Rick Fargo
Rick (Steiner, in case you thought Fargo mattered) backs Manson up against the ropes and then slaps the fire out of him. Believe it or not, Jack is kind of into the pain so Scott comes in for a backdrop. Manson fights up with an elbow for two but Scott knocks him outside rather quickly.
Back in and it’s off to Fargo and I don’t see this going well. Scott suplexes him down with ease and a super fall away slam drops Fargo again. We cut to some shots of the crowd and come back to Rick neck cranking Fargo, followed by some riding on the mat. Back up and the Steiner Line puts Fargo down again, setting up the Frankensteiner for the pin at 4:46.
Rating: C-. This was there for the sake of having the Steiners and Jack in the same match but there wasn’t much to it. The Steiners could beat up just about anyone and that’s what they did here. It just wasn’t that entertaining and was more about name value, but I can go with something like this on a big compilation.
From NXT, August 3, 2016.
Asuka vs. Aliyah
Bayley is on commentary but Asuka offers her a seat on the ramp to watch closer. Asuka snapmares Aliyah down as the fans sing for Bayley, whose confidence has been wrecked by Asuka taking the Women’s Title from her. A hip attack drops Aliyah again and Asuka chokes her in the ropes while looking down at Bayley. Another hip attack in the ropes drops Aliyah again and Asuka kicks her out of the air for two, with Asuka pulling her up. A Buzzsaw Kick sets up the Asuka Lock for the tap at 2:28. Nice story advancement with the squash.
From Sunday Night Heat, October 28, 2004.
Tyson Tomko vs. Shawn Riddick
Tomko powers him into the corner to start and hits a spinebuster before hammering away. Some forearms on the mat have Riddick in more trouble and Tomko throws him outside. Tomko isn’t having any of this comeback and kicks Riddick outside, which is enough for the referee to call it at 1:48. Riddick was bumping like crazy here.
From Superstars, February 6, 1993.
Beverly Brothers vs. Bob East/Pete Christie
The Brothers beat on the first one before handing it off to the second one. As we get a look at the latest WWF Magazine, the Brothers hit the Shaker Heights Spike (a flapjack into a faceplant) but the guy over rotates and comes down HARD on his head, thankfully for the pin at 1:28. That was on highlight reels for a good while and could have been a lot worse.
From WCW TV, March 3, 1990.
Kevin Sullivan/Buzz Sawyer vs. Robbie Idol/Zan Panzer
Sawyer is a known nutjob who takes over on Idol. Sullivan comes in for some chops and stomps Idol in the face. It’s back to Sawyer for more chopping before it’s off to Panzer, which makes Sawyer laugh. Sawyer sits on Panzer’s neck as we hear about various upcoming house shows. Sullivan ties Idol in the Tree Of Woe for the running knee and Sawyer, looking a bit nuts (understatement), adds his great top rope splash. Naturally Sawyer pulls him up at two and hits another splash but pulls him up again…and the referee disqualifies Sawyer at 4:13. For what? Beating him up too much?
Rating: C. Not great ending aside, this was another destruction with those splashes looking great. At the same time, Sullivan and his Slaughterhouse (also including Cactus Jack) never did much for me and that was the case again here. They’re a perfectly fine midcard monster team and that’s about it, which only gets them so far.
Post match Sawyer beats him up some more and Sullivan leaves, with a bunch of wrestlers having to come drag Sawyer off of Idol. They can’t quite do it though, instead picking BOTH of them up at once for a unique visual to wrap it up.
Overall Rating: B. I had a GREAT time with this and it is the kind of thing that shows just how much the people running the channel appreciate wrestling. They mixed in a huge variety here and some of them were incredibly entertaining. Just a great little package of fun stuff and worth a look if you want something to the point and exactly as advertised, with nothing breaking five minutes.
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