Today is the less talkative member of the Legion of Doom: Animal.

As was the case with Hawk: I won’t be putting in regular tag matches and there are going to be some big gaps. We’ll start with Bunkhouse Stampede with Animal in a battle royal inside a cage.

Bunkhouse Stampede

Dusty Rhodes, Tully Blanchard, Ivan Koloff, The Warlord (wearing a Lifeguard shirt for no apparent reason), Arn Anderson, Lex Luger, The Barbarian, Animal.

Dusty gets a big entrance of course with all his accomplishments listed. Did I mention he was booking at the time? Seriously, ONLY DUSTY had anything listed about him, including the match he won to qualify here, his world title reigns, his US Title reigns, and his TV Title reigns. No one else got anything but their normal entrances. This could get bad fast. All eight are in there at once. There aren’t any weapons like promised or anything.

Remember, it’s a battle royal in a cage where you have to throw them over the ropes or through the door. My goodness this is idiotic. Apparently it’s unheard of for someone to win three straight Bunkhouse Stampedes. That could be because this is THE THIRD ONE! Wow Dusty lowered some IQs. Everyone is in some screwed up street clothes of some kind and this is just idiotic.

Apparently the referee has to determine if a guy goes over the cage or through the door, since that’s overly complicated I guess. Wow shoving people OVER A CAGE looks stupid. See, when it was a regular battle royal, IT MADE SENSE. Blanchard and Anderson work together of course. Barbarian, Warlord and Koloff are in the same stable mind you so they’ll likely work together. Koloff and Dusty climb the cage due to idiocy.

I’m watching people try to throw PEOPLE over a cage. Does that sound stupid to you or is it just me? How hard would it be to throw someone that is fighting back over a cage wall? Because to me, IT SOUNDS IMPOSSIBLE. Also, there are a lot of people walking around on the top ropes which is just freaking stupid too. No one is out or anything yet.

Arn saves himself from being thrown out the door as I realize how much this sounds like a really bad comedy sketch. Koloff is bleeding. Winner gets half a million dollars. Not sure if I said that or not but I don’t want to stop the tape long enough to go back and read it. I feel sorry for Ross and Caudle trying to make this sound interesting or intense or whatever it’s supposed to be.

Luger and Dusty just go off as we’re supposed to believe that a guy that is built like Dusty is supposed to be in the same kind of condition as a stallion like Luger. Right. Oh yeah, and keep in mind this whole cowboy southern thing is in NEW YORK CITY. They continue to try to make this sound good and it’s just failing. Wow this was ten days before I was born and 12 before Hogan lost the world title to Andre. Holy goodness that’s weird to think about.

Still no one out and we’re almost 15 minutes into this. It’s mainly just people in jeans hitting people with belts and boots. Yeah it’s riveting in case you can’t tell. Dusty’s arm is bleeding from being worked over with a belt. Make this stop please. Animal tries to shove Anderson over the top. I want to break this match.

Koloff, like an idiot, although at this time he’s one of two former world champions in there somehow, climbs over the cage to get away from Animal and gets knocked out to take us down to seven. Oh sweet mercy kill me now. So let’s just keep the camera on Koloff FOREVER as we see the EPIC DRAMA of him standing up. Animal and Warlord fight to the door and Warlord gets knocked to the door. Animal gets kicked in the head by Barbarian and it knocks both guys out in a stupid looking spot.

We have Dusty, Luger, Anderson, Blanchard and Barbarian left. Blanchard gets put in the Rack which at least hurts him. Some fan shouts about how gay this is. Thanks for that. Luger takes a Gourdbuster and the Horsemen try to throw him out. Since Luger didn’t have any gourds on him though, he was fine and stays in.

Anderson, Luger and Blanchard fight by the door and they all go out after like three minutes of fighting. Arn at one point stood on the third step and choked Luger. Yeah he deserved to lose. So we have Barbarian vs. Dusty. Any bets on who wins here? Barbarian gets some brass knuckles and pops Dusty with them. Barbarian hits like three of his top rope headbutt finishers but Dusty fights back baby!

They climb to the top rope for the epic move known as the OH DANG THIS MATCH MAKES NO SENSE SO LET’S CLIMB UP SO WE CAN HAVE A REASON TO GET THROWN OVER THE CAGE! Yep, Dusty wins by hitting the elbow to the head and we’re done. Earl Hebner is the referee here but would be in WWF in 12 days for the famous twin angle. Dusty gets a big bronze cowboy boot. Give me a FREAKING BREAK!

We hear about Dusty was considering retiring before this but came back “for the people.” So he was about to leave and came back for the people. So apparently by coming back for the people, he just had to come up with a PPV for himself and put himself over in it. Sure why not.

Rating: F. There was a cage match with a battle royal going on. This was a MASSIVE love letter from Dusty to Dusty. This was all about getting him even FURTHER over and making things look even stupider. Somehow Dusty was the wildcard and the favorite at the same time. He’s US Champion already but was going to retire. I give up. Just a joke of a main event and a show.

Here’s a six man tag from Capital Combat.

Road Warriors/Norman the Lunatic vs. Cactus Jack/Kevin Sullivan, Bam Bam Bigelow

Norman the Lunatic is more commonly known as Bastion Booger. This is a weird pairing of six guys if there has ever been one. Oliver Humperdink is here too as Bigelow’s manager and is bare-chested. This is just strange on all levels and I have no idea what the point of this is supposed to be. The LOD comes out on Harleys while Norman has to walk behind them. That sums up this match nicely.

How funny is it that of all these people, Cactus Jack was the most successful? Cactus is very young at this point and has nothing going for him. Norman is allegedly an escaped mental patient. That sums things up very well. Animal and the future four time world champion start us off. Animal is MOVING out there. He does two leap frogs and drops low at great speed. This is just weird to see but interesting I’d say.

Hawk vs. Bigelow. Oh dear. Bigelow is sleeveless here which is a strange look for him. This could set selling back a thousand years. Hawk gets the best dropkick he’s ever thrown, hitting Bam Bam square in the face. Sullivan comes in, looks at Hawk, and tags out. Instead he gets Norman. For him imagine Eugene meets Bigelow. See what I mean? In a painful looking spot, Hawk throws the (wooden) steps at Jack where they just bounce off his back while he’s bent over.

OW even if they’re fake. They all take their turns beating on Norman and Sullivan just looks completely out of place in this. Bigelow backdrops Norman. Imagine that one if you can. Norman hits a clothesline on Cactus and just falls on his hip. That sums things up for him quite well I’d think. A big old brawl breaks out as Hawk hits the top rope clothesline on Sullivan for the pin.

Rating: D+. Not bad I guess, but at the same time when the best technician is Kevin Sullivan, you’re in trouble. This was to get the crowd going though and I think it worked ok for what it was. That and I can’t imagine they expected this to be a great match or anything, so I’ll let it slide I guess.

Off to the WWF now at Survivor Series 1990.

The Warriors vs. The Perfect Team

Ultimate Warrior, Texas Tornado, Legion of Doom

Mr. Perfect, Demolition

I guess this team isn’t as Ultimate as last year. This is the three man version of Demolition. Perfect is feuding with Tornado (Kerry Von Erich, the IC Champion) and the LOD is feuding with Demolition after the LOD cost them the titles. Warrior, the world champion, is there because he has nothing else to do. His team is in the back before the match and says they’ll win. Actually the name Warriors is appropriate as you have the Ultimate Warrior, the Modern Day Warrior (Von Erich’s nickname in WCCW) and the Road Warriors (the LOD’s NWA name).

I’ll never get why the LOD and Demolition never had a big proper match. They fought on house shows but that’s about it. Perfect immediately goes to the apron and lets part of Demolition start. It’s Animal vs. Smash first and they fight immediately with Animal taking him to the mat. Animal throws him into Hawk for a right hand and the other Warriors get in a shot as well.

Smash comes back with a powerslam for two and it’s off to Perfect. That doesn’t last long so here’s Smash again, and he walks right into a powerslam. Everything breaks down and the Warriors clear the ring. Tornado comes in to face Smash who is taking a beating in this so far. Off to Ax who has much better luck for about ten seconds. There’s the Claw from Tornado but for some reason Warrior gets the tag and hits a series of awkward looking shoulder blocks before finishing Ax with the splash.

Crush immediately comes in to jump Warrior and take over. Smash comes in to slam Warrior and Crush drops a top rope knee for two. Perfect is freaking out in his trademark over the top style. Warrior gets up a boot in the corner and clotheslines Crush down. Off to Hawk who always looks like he could murder someone in the ring. Perfect tries him out and is immediately slammed down.

Hawk counters a reversal to send Perfect into the corner but Bird Man’s shoulder goes into the post HARD to give the evil ones the advantage. Demolition pounds away on him but Hawk punches right back. A big flying shoulder puts Smash down and Hawk doesn’t tag when he has the chance. The top rope clothesline kills Smash and everything breaks down. Hawk kicks the referee and somehow this disqualifies Hawk, Animal, Smash and Crush. We’re down to Perfect vs. Warrior/Tornado.

It’s going to be Warrior starting the handicap match but Perfect wants Tornado instead. Perfect immediately jumps him and is clotheslined out almost immediately after the jumping. Warrior bangs Perfect’s head into Heenan’s and sends Bobby into the front row. Tornado charges at Perfect and slams into the post to give Perfect the advantage for a bit. A buckle gets exposed somewhere in there and after Tornado’s face goes into it, the Perfectplex makes it one on one.

Perfect tries the Plex again on Warrior which doesn’t work at all. Instead he hammers Warrior down and hits a great looking dropkick for two. Having Perfect run things out there for as long as possible is the best idea they’ve got. Warrior starts grabbing the ropes and shrugging off all the offense from Perfect. A shoulder block and the splash get the final pin.

Rating: D. This was probably the worst Survivor Series match so far in the four years they’ve been running this show. Not only was the match lopsided from the start, but half of the people in it were gone seven minutes in. Perfect never had a chance and Warrior had no reason to be in this match at all.

We’ll jump way ahead now to WCW with Animal in the Lord of the Ring compeititon at Slamboree 1996.

Battlebowl First Round: Animal/Booker T vs. Hawk/Lex Luger

Love that Iron Man music. Dusty is excited. This was one of his bright ideas. Wow a tag team is fighting each other. What are the odds of that??? Luger is a face now in case you’re keeping track. If you are, I feel very sorry for you. Tony suggests 100 million people are watching this PPV broadcast and are listening in English. That’s most amusing.

Ok so the first round has 8 matches and then there’s ANOTHER round of tag matches. The winners of the second round of matches go to the battle royal. Ok then. Luger and Animal start us off. The commentary is somehow stupider than usual. Luger is a tag champion here along with Sting. Hawk hasn’t come in yet. Booker hits a Spinarooni which has no official name yet. Luger is TV Champion here too. Hawk and Luger get into it and we have the massive brawl. That’s a double countout. Hawk was never in the match.

Rating: D-. For these matches, I’m starting at a D rather than a C like I usually do. This was quick and boring if nothing else, but it gives me a very bad feeling about the rest of the show. Also, was there a point to the double countout? Die they really need to avoid both teams going to the battle royal?

Back to the WWF with Wrestlemania XIII.

Nation of Domination vs. Legion of Doom/Ahmed Johnson

Chicago street fight. It’s Crush/Faarooq/Savio Vega plus a bunch of unnamed lackeys forming the Nation at this point. They bring out every weapon you could think of for this match between about the nine people they have here. Ahmed has the spikes on too and they bring the kitchen sink with them. Ok point for a funny idea. It’s a big brawl to start (and will continue to be that way) with the good guys beating up the lackeys.

Faarooq hits Animal in the back with a nightstick and Ahmed hits a big dive over the barricade to take out I think Savio. I’m not going to be able to call everything here so expect a lot to be missed. Ahmed crushes Crush with a trashcan as Hawk has a 2×4 to stalk Savio with. Animal tries a piledriver on Faarooq through a table but they just fall off to the side instead. The fans chant for the LOD and Animal blasts Faarooq with a fire extinguisher. Savio cleans house with a trashcan but gets it wrapped around him and blasted by Hawk.

Ahmed slams Faarooq through the table from earlier and there goes the fire extinguisher again. Now we get a big rope with a noose on it to hang Ahmed. The Nation is too big and powerful for LOD and Ahmed to fight off. Hawk comes back with a double clothesline to Jerry’s shock. It was an actual wrestling move! Ahmed gets out of the noose and beats up D-Lo Brown for a bit. Animal hits Faarooq with a parking sign as Savio throws Ahmed over the barricade.

Crush finds a wrench from somewhere to blast Animal with as Faarooq is pulled to the floor by the rope. They’re clearly starting to get tired now. Hawk sprays the Nation down with the extinguisher again but the lackeys save Faarooq from the Pearl River Plunge. Crush gets caught in the Doomsday Device out of nowhere before getting hit by a 2×4 for the pin.

Rating: B-. You know what, why not. This was a FIGHT and it worked quite well. They didn’t try to make this anything but a street fight and that’s what they gave us. This wasn’t good or quality or anything but it was certainly fun and exactly what it was advertised as. Good stuff here and the second best match of the night so far.

More elimination stuff at Survivor Series 1997.

Team Legion of Doom vs. Nation of Domination

Legion of Doom, Ken Shamrock, Ahmed Johnson

Farrooq, The Rock, Kama Mustafa, D’Lo Brown

The LOD and company talk about being ready for war. The LOD are tag champions. Hawk and Brown start with D’Lo bouncing off Hawk. Hawk no sells a piledriver as is his custom and a neckbreaker puts Brown down. Off to Rocky who gets knocked around but someone hits Hawk in the back and the yet to be named Rock Bottom eliminates Bird Man.

Off to Ahmed who “hits” a jumping back elbow to take Rock down. Kama, a freaking monster who would become a pimp named Godfather, is in next and takes Johnson down with one shot. Farrooq is in next to work on Ahmed’s ribs and continue a feud that went on for like a year. Brown whips Ahmed with a belt which the referee somehow doesn’t hear. Farrooq loads up the Dominator but Johnson escapes (while falling down) and hits a Pearl River Plunge (Tiger Driver) for the elimination.

Brown comes in again and hits a quick Low Down for no cover. Johnson starts no selling and hits a sitout gordbuster. Farrooq is still at ringside. Rock comes in but walks into a spinebuster. Ahmed hits the ropes but Farrooq trips him up and holds the foot so Rocky can get the pin. It’s Animal/Shamrock vs. Brown/Rocky/Kama at the moment. Animal comes in to face Rocky but it’s quickly off to Shamrock. Ken is still somewhat new here so his style still looks fresh.

A big dropkick puts Rocky down and it’s off to Kama. After getting beaten around for a bit, Kama puts on a front facelock to slow things down. A double clothesline puts both guys down but not for long. Some LOUD noise freaks everyone out and JR and King don’t know what it was either. Anyway Animal gets two off a legdrop but gets kicked in the face for his efforts. Kama showboats a bit too much though and Animal dropkicks him in the back and gets a rollup for the pin.

Brown comes in and during the distraction, Rocky hits Shamrock low for two. D’Lo hooks a chinlock followed by a backbreaker, but his moonsault misses by about two feet. The Outlaws come out while wearing the stolen LOD shoulder pads, and we’ve got powder and a shoved referee. Animal gets counted out during this mess, leaving us with Brown/Rock vs. Shamrock.

JR talks about how many people Shamrock has made tap out. Jerry: “This is wrestling. You don’t win by making people tap out.” JR: “…….YEAH YOU DO!” Brown starts but it’s both Nation members in there at once. Shamrock runs them both over, suplexes Brown and gets the submission via ankle lock. Rock cracks Ken in the back with a chair shot but it only gets two. Rock hits his spinning DDT for two as does the People’s Elbow (not a thing yet). Ken comes back with a northern lights suplex and a standing hurricanrana. There’s the ankle lock and Rocky is done.

Rating: C. This was a little messy but it pushed Shamrock hard while the heat for Rocky was INSANE. The crowd hated him and Vince certainly took notice. Both of these guys would get huge pushes in the next year with Rock winning the title at next year’s Survivor Series. The LOD were in their very last run of note here and they didn’t go out well after that. Fun match here although not great from a technical standpoint at all.

Here’s a match with Hawk’s replacement, Droz, on Raw, June 1, 1998.

LOD 2000 vs. Disciples of Apocolypse

This is a street fight and you can see the sky out back. There’s a referee out there for some reason and I really hope this is the blowoff. This isn’t a match at all so I’m not going to try to call it like one. Hawk swings a big metal pole at Skull but misses. They’re slowing down a lot now as you would expect. Animal goes off on 8-Ball with a trashcan. Droz and Chainz are the only ones left up and Taker arrives at the arena in street clothes and beats them both up. This was by no means a wrestling anything so no rating.

Another six man at In Your House XXV.

Disciples of Apocalypse vs. LOD 2000

This is a six man tag with Droz and Paul Ellering joining the regular teams. The LOD are the hometown boys and therefore more over than usual. This is Hawk’s return match after suffering from “personal problems”, meaning he’s the official alternate for the team at the moment. Animal starts with Skull but an 8-Ball distraction lets Skull get in some cheap shots to take over. Animal comes back with a clothesline and a forearm to 8-Ball to clear the DOA out of the ring.

Off to Hawk vs. 8-Ball with the biker pounding away until he gets caught in a neckbreaker for two. Droz gets the tag but is taken down almost immediately and stomped on in the corner. A series of elbows to the head puts Droz down and it’s off to Skull who is caught by a jumping clothesline. 8-Ball breaks up the tag and Ellering is able to come in for some cheap shots. Droz finally catches Skull with a DDT and makes the hot tag off to Hawk as everything breaks down. 8-Ball takes the Doomsday Device but Droz comes in to steal the pin, much to Hawk’s annoyance.

Rating: D. These teams need to stop feuding already as the matches aren’t working most of the time and the storyline with LOD splitting up isn’t interesting. They’re one of those teams that just don’t work apart and splitting them up wasn’t going to work. DOA was decent as a team but were never going to be anything important.

Here’s one of the last matches in this run on Raw, November 16, 1998.

Edge/Gangrel vs. Droz/Animal

Edge gets knocked to the floor very quickly and Gangrel is double backdropped. Droz and Gangrel (what great names there were back then) start us off and it’s off to Edge for a dropkick to the back. A move that would be tweaked and called Poetry in Motion by the Hardys keeps Droz in trouble but he pulls out a powerslam for two. Here’s Hawk on the stage and he climbs the Titantron. Animal and Droz go out to get him and it’s a countout.

After a break Animal and Droz are trying to talk Hawk down. Hawk yells about Droz and even Paul Ellering is out here to talk him down. Ellering tells a story about Hawk’s mother and Hawk tells him to shut up. Droz goes up after Hawk and appears to shove him off the Tron. This would lead to an angle that would somehow get more uncomfortable later on.

For some reason that can only be explained by WCW, Animal was brought in as a surprise mystery guy. Here he is at Sin.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Scott Steiner vs. ???

Flair comes out after the three known people and says the Mystery Man will be here later. Steiner goes after Flair but Jarrett stops him. Sid is in jean shorts here instead of full tights like he was last month. Sid clears the ring and hammers away on both of them for awhile. Jarrett is trying to give up the match apparently. Oh dear. Steiner falls trying to get out of the ring which sums up the whole thing perfectly.

Steiner gets the clothesline, the elbow and the pushups. Sid is sent into the front row and Jarrett adds a Stunner onto the railing. Steiner adds a belt shot to the face as you wonder now why Jarrett doesn’t lay down in the ring and let Steiner get the quick pin to retain. Apparently that would have been a better idea as Sid fights back. Can’t powerbomb Jarrett though and the beatdown continues.

They beat down Sid and Jarrett is told to cover him by Steiner. The announcers think there’s something going on here. Sid fights back and this a double suplex which was rather impressive in theory. He more or less DDTed Steiner and suplexed Jarrett. Here’s the comeback as Sid hits a bunch of clotheslines and a chokeslam on Jarrett for two.

Cobra clutch slam puts Steiner down and Sid follows Jarrett to the floor. Jarrett is sent to the front row and we cut to the back to see Flair bring someone out of the limo from earlier who looks like he’s in a Jason Vorhees mask. We cut back to the arena…..and Sid has broken his leg to the point where it looks like a twisty straw.

The problem now is that they can’t do anything because Sid can’t move and they can’t touch him and since Steiner and Jarrett are friends they can’t do anything. Flair’s music FINALLY comes on and the mystery dude is here. There’s a trainer in the ring already to check on Sid so you can tell how bad it is. The Mystery Man comes in and kicks Sid in the head so Steiner can pin him to end this.

Rating: D. That’s not factoring in the ending because clearly that’s not what they had planned as Sid was injured so badly he wouldn’t wrestle for about a year. The match up to that point was pretty weak though as we were just waiting on the mystery dude to get there, making it a lame duck match. Anyway, weak match to end a weak end of the show.

And the Mystery Man is Road Warrior Animal, making the whole thing a bigger joke than it already was. This resulted in the debut of the next super heel stable: the Magnificent Seven, which was comprised of Flair, the Steiners, Luger, Bagwell, Animal and Jarrett. And you wonder why they went out of business.

Animal would go back to WWE for a little while after Hawk passed away. We’ll start at Great American Bash 2005 with the new Legion of Doom.

Smackdown Tag Titles: MNM vs. Heidenreich/Animal

This is Heidenreich/Animal since Hawk died a few years ago. I think this is because of the LOD DVD. Despite MNM being an awesome tag team and the champions (and the predecessors to Miz/Morrison), what do you think is going to happen here? Heidenreich doesn’t have spikes because he’d have to earn them. They’re called Legion of Doom but they changed the music so I don’t consider them a team. Heidenreich runs off Mercury to start and then does the same to Morrison.

Animal throws him back in and Animal gets a big pop. A double suplex puts the champions down and man there’s a gut on him. This is a total squash so far. FINALLY the champions double team Heidenreich and take his knees out. Mercury works on the knee and the announcers try to compare Heidenreich, the guy that raped Cole remember, to Hawk. Morrison misses a cannonball down onto the knee so it’s back to Mercury. This is REALLY boring stuff. After he cleans house, a title shot to the head gets two. Snapshot is broken up and the Doomsday Device gives the not-LOD the titles.

Rating: D. There was zero reason to put this on PPV and it wasn’t a good match in the slightest. They were trying to go for the LOD formula of total domination, but the non-matching tights and the lack of anything resembling charisma (or talent) by Heidenreich kept that from working. Bad TV match and an awful PPV match. Somehow they would hold the titles for THREE MONTHS.

This set up a six man at No Mercy 2005.

MNM vs. Legion of Doom/Christy Hemme

This is Animal/Heidenreich which never worked at all. They’re the tag champions here. My goodness Christy was gorgeous. She took a Snapshot on Smackdown so she’s injured coming in. Animal has a taped up shoulder too. Heidenreich pulls Nitro in and the beating is on before he can even take the fur coat off. Heidenreich is all fired up and hits a three point clothesline for two. Off to the large gut with the Animal attached but Mercury gets in a kick to the shoulder to take over.

He keeps kicking at it and knocks Heidenreich to take draw him in. MNM hits the Snapshot on Animal very quickly but it only gets two because of the delay in getting to the cover. Mercury snaps the shoulder over the top rope to let Nitro get two. The double team continues and Animal is in trouble. Neckbreaker gets two. Mercury goes up but jumps into an almost powerslam for two. Everything breaks down and Melina tags herself in. She dives onto Animal and gets caught. Off to Christy for a bad Hart Attack and then a HORRIBLE rana. As in the legs were around Melina’s arms. Doomsday Device ends Melina.

Rating: D-. Christy Hemme is a fine example of a girl that looks good in tight pants and a black bra. She’s incredibly attractive and sexy, but but she had no business being in a wrestling ring as a competitor. It didn’t work for her at all and she was only in the ring for about 45 seconds. Again though, she’s there for her looks and those work very well.

Here’s a singles match on Smackdown, March 31, 2006.

Chris Benoit vs. Animal

Benoit’s US Title isn’t on the line. Animal takes him into the corner to start and slaps him in the face. Benoit comes back with chops and right hands to send Animal to the floor. He comes back in and is greeted with Rolling Germans, followed by the Crossface for the submission. Total squash.

That would be it for Animal as a regular guy but he would make a few appearances here and there, such as at Slammiversary 2007.

Tag Titles: Team 3D vs. Rick Steiner/???

And the mystery partner is….Road Warrior Animal. Yeah that’s it. The fans chanting it before he came out kind of hurt the shock a bit. Rick puts on his head gear post bell and it makes a huge difference. Rick vs. D-Von to start us off. I don’t think Scott is in the hospital. I think it’s more like he and Animal cooked him and had him for a late night snack. It would explain those guts on them.

Animal offers to come in and Rick waves him off. Nice partner dude. Oh ok there he is and Ray gets in his face. A piledriver is no sold and we have gimmick infringement from Hawk. I guess since he’s dead it’s ok. Back to Rick and they mistime something, as I think Ray was supposed to hit Rick as he hit the ropes but Rick stopped with zero contact at all. Off to Bubba legally and a neckbreaker gets two.

D-Von misses a middle rope headbutt and there’s the tag to Animal. Something I never get: why can a team that has never teamed together before like Steiner and Animal get a tag title match? There isn’t another team that can challenge the Dudleys? Animal cleans house and it’s back to Rick as everything breaks down. The challengers try to load up the Doomsday Device but Animal gets caught in the double neckbreaker and the 3D ends Rick.

Rating: D. These “dream” matches usually suck because by the time you get teams big enough to have a dream match, they’re old. To be fair though, there was almost no way Animal, who barely wrestled anymore, was going to be able to come out there and have a decent match. Scott may be old and slow but he’s active at least. Bad match, but understandably bad.

We’ll wrap it up with one more Legends appearance on Smackdown, July 20, 2012.

Heath Slater vs. Animal

Yes of the Road Warriors. Animal looks OLD. He isn’t fat but he has no muscle definition at all. The match runs 45 seconds and Animal wins with a powerslam and elbow drop.

Animal is the better in ring performer of the team but Hawk had far more charisma. That being said, Animal also is FAR easier to watch without Hawk than vice versa and probably a better performer as a whole. Still though, you’re going to be much better off watching a Road Warriors collection than either guy as a singles wrestler.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Today is a guy that could look down at Great Khali: El Gigante.

After being introduced to the crowd at Great American Bash 1990, Gigante would have his in ring debut at Great American Bash 1990.

Dudes With Attitude vs. Horsemen

It’s Orndorff/JYD/El Gigante (making his debut) vs. Sid/Barry/Arn (TV Champion) and this is more of the Sting’s guys vs. Horsemen war. Arn vs. Paul gets us going. Sid comes in instead so Paul hip tosses everyone. He can’t backslide Sid though, or at least not until the JYD headbutts Sid down. Arn comes in to pound on Paul but he fights out of the corner. El Gigante comes in and everyone named after a Horse runs.

The Horsemen have a huddle but Orndorff pulls him back in for a beating from JYD. Gigante pulls back a fist and Anderson runs very fast as his eyes bug out. Windham comes in and JYD gets down on all fours to headbutt him a few times. Arn punches the Dog a few times and brings Barry back in. Windham DDTs Dog and hey he has a hard head. That’s a new one from him.

A not hot tag brings Orndorff in and he cleans a few rooms. The Dudes were never in any real trouble so there’s no heat on the tag. He loads up the piledriver on Anderson but Barry comes in off the top to break it up. The fans want Sid so he comes in for a chinlock. Everything breaks down and a lot of people are thrown over the top. The Horsemen run from Gigante and somewhere in there the Dudes win via DQ.

Rating: D. There was no point here other than to showcase Gigante. The problem with that is he’s just there for his look rather than anything resembling skill. Very boring match here and the fans didn’t care at all other than wanting the eternally popular Sid. This wouldn’t end anytime soon that I remember.

Off to Japan for a bit at the 1991 WCW/NJPW Supershow.

Big Cat Hughes vs. El Gigante

This is out of order for some reason as this is supposed to be the Steiners tag match. Hughes is for once not the bodyguard character. Gigante is more commonly known as Giant Gonzalez and is about 3-4 inches taller than Khali. He also has about 1/3 of the talent. To give you an idea of his size, when he’s on the floor his head is over the top rope. When he’s in the ring his tights (half shorts) nearly go above the top rope. Where the top turnbuckle would be is the height of his crotch, as in about the chest/shoulders of a guy the height of Cena.

Fonzie of ECW fame is the referee. This is more or less a squash as Hughes is about 315lbs and Gigante slams him with one arm after holding him up for awhile. He sets for a suplex and literally, as in I timed it, holds him in a front facelock while playing to the crowd for 34 seconds before doing anything. Hughes couldn’t step on his foot or something in 34 seconds? Really? A jumping boot sets up the Claw Hold to end it.

Well he’s had two matches so here’s a gimmick match at the first SuperBrawl.

El Gigante vs. Sid Vicious

This is a stretcher match, which means regular rules but the loser gets taken out on a stretcher. Sid was leaving after this to head to the WWF so the ending is about as much of a given as possible. Sid is of course from anywhere he darn well please which is always funny. Gigante was bigger than Khali but with less talent. He was just a freaking monster but he was incredibly over.

Later he would be known as Giant Gonzalez which he’s a bit more known for. And it’s a 2 minute match. GOOD FREAKING NIGHT WILL YOU CUT THIS OUT? One Man Gang waddles out and does nothing but get his teeth kicked in, as does Kevin Sullivan. Thanks for that guys. Sid gets the goodbye song as Gigante rolls Gang out on the stretcher but hey, Sullivan has powder. Sid is gone by the way. That was completely pointless.

Gigante almost got thrown out of the company at Clash of the Champions XV.

Brian Pillman/El Gigante vs. Barry Windham/Arn Anderson

Whoever takes the fall leaves WCW. This is fallout from WarGames where the Horsemen injured Pillman and Gigante had to come out and submit for him. Pillman gets a quick backslide for two on Windham and Barry heads to the corner. Barry comes back in with some chops but walks into a spinwheel kick for two.

Barry gets a quick DDT for two of his own and it’s off to Anderson. Arn goes up top for no apparent reason and gets dropkicked down, followed by a nice plancha from Brian. Gigante grabs Anderson by the throat before letting Brian get on his shoulders for a very high cross body on Windham. Everything breaks down and Barry shoves Pillman off the top before kicking him in the face for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C. That came out of nowhere. Pillman looked great out there and Gigante did as minimum as possible while still being alive. This was a strange period for Anderson as he really didn’t do much other than wrestle in tag teams and dominate the TV Title, meaning I often forget he’s on the card at all.

From one of the worst PPVs ever, Great American Bash 1991.

El Gigante vs. One Man Gang

Gang is in a freaky monster look here with insane hair for no apparent reason. His manager Kevin Sullivan talks forever on the way to the ring about a death wagon. Gigante has four midgets with him for no apparent reason. Sullivan and Gang cut Gigante’s hair prior to this. The small guys get on Gang’s nerves until Sullivan hits one and we’re ready to go. Gang runs to the ramp but is quickly thrown back in.

Gang rams into Gigante and that goes nowhere. Gigante hiptosses him and hits the worst shoulders in the corner you’ll ever see. Gang avoids a corner charge and hits a middle rope clothesline to put Gigante on the ropes. Gang finds a wrench from somewhere and beats on Gigante with it which goes nowhere either. He rams the wrench into Gigante over and over but the giant won’t go down.

FINALLY some knee shots put him down and Gang works on that a bit. A splash gets two and Gigante throws Gang to the apron on the kickout. Gang gets slammed off the top, suplexed, rammed into Sullivan, has powder kicked into his face and gets clotheslined in the back of his head for the pin.

Rating: F. You know, I used to love El Gigante as a kid, but he makes Great Khali look like Daniel Bryan. I know that sounds like it’s way over the top, but I kid you not he was that bad. This was a terrible match as Gigante can’t sell anything, he has a bad arsenal, and even he couldn’t get the fans to wake up. Remembering that he was probably the second biggest face in the company at this point, that says a lot.

Take a giant, put him in a battle royal. From Clash of the Champions XVI.

Battle Royal

Z-Man, Thomas Rich, Bobby Eaton, Ranger Ross, Tracy Smothers, Oz, P.N. News, Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker, Steve Austin, Dustin Rhodes, Terrance Taylor, Big Josh, Barry Windham, One Man Gang, El Gigante

This is called the Georgia Brawl. Rich has recently joined the York Foundation, Austin is now the TV Champion and Rhodes, Josh and Z-Man are now the Six Man Tag Team Champions. It’s almost impossible to call a match like this in the early going as there’s just too much going on. We’re about three minutes in already with no eliminations so far. Oz and Gigante choke at each other against the ropes while the smaller guys double team all of the giants and monsters.

Austin and Eaton fight to the apron but get back in as there are still no eliminations. Josh is sent over the top but skins the cat and pulls Taylor and Ross out with him but gets eliminated in the process. Rich and Parker are thrown out off camera as a bunch of people splash Gang in the corner. Z-Man is tossed as Oz chokes News into the corner. Austin backdrops Tracy to the floor and Gang THROWS Eaton onto the ramp for an elimination.

News seems to dive over the corner to eliminate himself. Austin and Windham go out at the same time, getting us down to Oz, Gang, Rhodes and Gigante. Gang crushes Dustin in the corner as Gigante is blinded next to the ropes. He manages to get his Claw hold on Oz but Gang makes the save. Oz and Gang eliminate Dustin but Gigante clotheslines them both out at the same time for the win.

Rating: D. Battle royals are always hard to grade but this was just bad. There was no story to it at all and the eliminations came so fast that none of them had any kind of impact at all. The lack of drama hurt too as Gigante was a fairly clear winner once it got down towards the end. It also shows how extensive yet shallow the midcard was. Most of these guys, while different, didn’t really offer anything special at this point.

Another big gimmick match Halloween Havoc 1991.

Cactus Jack/Abdullah The Butcher/Diamond Studd/Big Van Vader vs. Steiner Brothers/El Gignate/Sting

Oh boy it’s the Chamber of Horrors. Now if you’ve never heard of this, clear some room off your list of absurd gimmicks. This is inside a cage similar to the Cell, although there’s no top on it and the holes in the cage are bigger. Inside are coffins, skeletons and a few weapons. The idea of the match is that everyone is fighting at once and at some point during the match, an electric chair will lower from the ceiling. Someone must be placed in the chair, strapped down and someone from the other team has to throw a switch, “electrocuting” them. And somehow, it’ll be even dumber than it sounds.

Oh and Gigante is replacing the injured Windham and Cactus is replacing Oz, although Oz will be in a match later and apparently Oz replaced Jack in that match. No idea why they made the switch. Jack comes out with a chainsaw minus the chain. Sting is US Champion here and yes, this is really what they’re using him for. Cactus jumps Sting on the ramp and Abdullah helps, but Rick comes out for the save. This is before we’re even in the cage. Well Rick was but he left because it’s just a cage so why should it be hard to stay inside?

In the ring Scott kills the Studd with a Tiger Driver while Gigante fights Vader. Sting gets a kendo stick to pound away on everyone he sees. Well everyone that isn’t on his team that is. Or the referee either. Speaking of the referee, he has a camera on his head here which is really more annoying than anything else. That could be an interesting idea for an angle but it never went anywhere.

People in masks pop out of those caskets. They don’t do anything but they pop out anyway. Sting clotheslines Vader to the floor and Gigante pulls Studd off of the cage wall. The Steiners hit their top rope DDT on Cactus as the chair is lowered. Vader knocks Rick into the chair but Rick clotheslines his way out of it. Sting throws a casket lid up in the air so it lands on Cactus’ head.

Now we have ghouls coming out with a stretcher. Again they don’t do anything but they’re there. Scott shatters a kendo stick over Cactus’ head, breaking him open. Cactus and Sting climb the cage and ram each other into it, which is one of the few actual clear brawls in the match. The rest of it is too hard to call because of the awful camera work. Sting has the stick now and stabs Hall with it.

It’s pretty much impossible to call this match as everything is all over the place and it’s just random brawling. Sting is busted open, as is Abdullah. Cactus goes for the switch as Rick is put in the chair, but the future Freakzilla makes the save. The heels get Rick into the chair for a second but he fights out of it pretty quickly. He gets put in there again and Cactus goes for the switch. Steiner suplexes Abdullah into the chair instead and after Cactus takes FOREVER to stand next to the switch, he throws the lever and Abdullah gets “electrocuted.”

Rating: W. As in wow, what were they smoking, or why. You can pick whichever you like and I think it’ll be fine. This was a huge mess but to me, this is pure nostalgia. I haven’t seen this match in years but I still remember about 80% of the commentary word for word. The match is terrible and incredibly stupid but it’s a fond memory for me so I can’t hate it.

A one off tag match at Starrcade 1991.

Dustin Rhodes/Richard Morton vs. Larry Zbyszko/El Gigante

Morton is part of the York Foundation, Zbyszko is part of the Dangerous Alliance and Gigante is 7’7. Larry has to climb the ropes to try to talk to Gigante, who is from Argentina and speaks limited English. Rhodes is half of the tag champions here and he starts with Larry. As is his custom, Larry stalls a lot before getting taken down by a headlock takeover. We get a crisscross with Dusty elbowing Larry down.

Off to Morton vs. Gigante but since Morton is nearly two feet shorter, he tags Dustin right back in. Dustin is much taller as he’s only 13 inches shorter than Gigante. Rhodes can’t do much here at all and is slammed down with ease. Off to Larry again for a front facelock and some other really basic offense. Dustin fights out of the corner with some elbows like his daddy (Dusty if that didn’t click) but Larry counters the bulldog. Back to Gigante but Larry slaps him for not listening to his instructions. Gigante snaps and throws Larry into a double dropkick, allowing Rhodes to get the pin.

Rating: D. This was just dumb. The idea was that the Larry/Gigante team couldn’t get along, and if you didn’t get that by me telling you it’s ok, because the match pounded it into our heads. Morton was in the match for all of eight seconds, meaning this was mainly Rhodes vs. Zbyszko. Nothing to see here but at least it was short.

Another battle of the giants back in Japan at WCW/NJPW Supershow 1992.

El Gigante vs. Big Van Vader

No mask for Vader here and he’s a much bigger deal in Japan than he is in America at this point. There were two matches between the Rhodes’ match and this: Tony Halme vs. Scott Nortan and Shinya Hashimoto vs. Bill Kazmaier with the former winning both times. Halme is more famous as Ludvig Borga.

This is of course a clash of the titans match which is rather interesting. Ross points out that Vader could be a monster in America if he tried to be a dominant singles wrestler and he’s absolutely right. If you don’t believe me just ask Sting. Dang that was a great feud. Nothing but clubbing blows here and we get the Claw by the giant. It’s weird seeing Vader as a face. He goes to the ramp and we get a double countout.

Rating: D. Bad match, but if you expected anything else other than a big brawl you’re an idiot. Vader looked great here and Gigante was very popular in Japan so this worked rather well. Nothing good at all but a fun brawl so all is fine. Sometimes you just need to have big guys beat on each other for a few minutes.

Gigante would head to the WWF as Giant Gonzalez, who started off in a feud with Undertaker. Before that though, we have a few squash matches to get through, starting on All American Wrestling on March 14, 1993.

Jim Powers vs. Giant Gonzalez

Powers’ right hand to the ribs has the effect you would expect it to and a big headbutt drops him. Gonzalez nails a big boot and chokeslam for the pin. Total squash.

Next up is Superstars, April 3, 1993, the day before Wrestlemania.

Giant Gonzalez vs. Virgil

Virgil tries to hide but gets caught on the corner. He climbs to the bottom rope and is maybe three inches taller than the Giant. Gonzalez tries a test of strength and is in trouble even from the top rope. The normal sized man comes back down to the mat and is quickly chopped on the back. A dropkick is shrugged off and Gonzalez chokeslams him (with almost no height) for the pin.

Here’s his most famous match from Wrestlemania IX.

Giant Gonzalez vs. Undertaker

Gonzalez is a legit 7’7 and is working for Harvey Wippleman for revenge on Undertaker after Undertaker got rid of Kamala. Taker comes out in a chariot and carrying a vulture. Undertaker literally only comes up to Gonzalez’s chest. Some uppercuts stagger the Giant but he grabs Taker by the throat to stop him cold. Taker climbs to the second rope and grabs Gonzalez by the throat, only to get hit low to stop him again.

Old School staggers the Giant a bit but he comes back with a clothesline to take over. Taker is thrown across the ring and we get a standing chinlock by the monster. The famous one fights up but gets thrown to the outside with ease. Taker is sent into the steps and we head back inside. Gonzalez pounds away a bit more but Taker slugs away, knocking Gonzalez down to one knee. Wippleman throws in a rag, which apparently the announcers can smell a chemical on from twenty feet away in an outdoor arena with over 15,000 people in it. Apparently it’s ether or something, earning Taker a DQ win.

Rating: D-. Gonzalez was AWFUL which really hurt things a lot. The main issue Undertaker had at this point was no one had any idea what to do with him. They just had him fight monsters for years on end which you can only watch for so long. This story would be reused about 12 years later with Undertaker playing Undertaker, Daivari playing Wippleman and Great Khali playing Gonzalez.

We’ll go with a match I vaguely remember on Superstars, May 15, 1993.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Tatanka vs. Giant Gonzalez

Tatanka starts the warpath early on but Gonzalez chops him right down. Some clubbing forearms have Tatanka in trouble and a big boot drops him again. Tatanka fires off some kicks to the ribs and scores with a top rope chop, only to jump into a choke. Gonzalez fires the referee across the ring and that’s a DQ.

We’ll wrap it up with the blowoff match against Undertaker at Summerslam 1993.

Giant Gonzalez vs. Undertaker

This is a Rest in Peace match, which means No DQ and No Countout, or a street fight as we would call it. Gonzalez has been tormenting Undertaker all year and lost to him via DQ at Wrestlemania. Gonzalez is a legit 7’7 and his manager Harvey Whippelman has stolen the Urn. Paul Bearer is absent for reasons that aren’t quite explained. The Giant pounds on Taker to start but Taker comes back with some clotheslines. A single elbow takes the Dead Man down and they head outside with the Giant in control.

Gonzalez hits some of the weakest chair shots you’ll ever see before whipping Taker knees first into the steps. Back in and Undertaker hits some uppercuts but keeps reaching for the Urn. Taker is still down when the gong rings and Paul Bearer makes his return with a black wreath. Whippelman goes after him and gets decked, allowing Paul to get the Urn back. The Giant stares down at him, Undertaker sits up, hits five clotheslines and a sixth frm the top for the pin. Seriously, that’s it.

Rating: G. As in I long for Great Khali. You often hear bad wrestlers said to be as bad as Giant Gonzalez and there’s a good reason for that: the guy is HORRIBLE. I understand the idea of the guy being huge and not needing to do much, but Gonzalez couldn’t do even the most basic stuff without screwing it up. Having seen a good deal of both, I can safely say that Gonzalez makes Great Khali look like Bret Hart.

El Gigante is a good example of an attraction instead of a talent. There’s something about a guy that big that makes you want to come and see him. His matches were disasters at best and the worst of all time at worst, but there’s something about a true giant that plays into the carnival aspect of wrestling. I was a fan as a kid and I kind of miss those days of liking the character instead of thinking about his work.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Today is a guy that I always liked as a kid: Van Hammer.

Hammer would debut in the summer of 1991 and be wrestling for WCW less than two months later. Here he is at Clash of the Champions XVI in his debut.

Van Hammer vs. Terrance Taylor

Van Hammer is a big muscular guy with a heavy metal guitarist gimmick in his debut match here. Taylor attacks Hammer before the match with York’s computer but there’s no effect at all. He slams Taylor down and hits a few clotheslines followed by a gordbuster (front suplex) and a top rope knee drop gets the pin in just over a minute.

Another match, same idea. From Halloween Havoc 1991.

Van Hammer vs. Doug Somers

Van Hammer has only been here about a month and we’re still in the squash period for him. Somers is yet another replacement, in this case taking the place of the injured Michael Hayes. The match barely breaks a minute and Hammer wins with a slingshot suplex.

Time for Hammer’s first and only good feud, starting at Clash XVII.

Cactus Jack vs. Van Hammer

Hammer makes the mistake of turning his back on Cactus and getting knocked into the corner. Cactus screams a lot but gets caught in a belly to back suplex and knocked through the ropes to the floor. Hammer rams him into the barricade and takes him back inside for a slam and a two count. Jack comes back with a faceplant and the Cactus Clothesline (named for him as he hits a running clothesline to knock both he and his opponent over the top and out to the floor) to put Hammer on the floor.

An elbow off the middle rope to the floor has Hammer in even more trouble but he wins a brief slugout back inside. Hammer clotheslines him in the back of the head and there’s the top rope knee drop for a very close two. They ram heads and Jack falls outside where he grabs Hammer’s guitar and drives it into Hammer’s throat for the pin.

Rating: C+. It was short but the fans were into this. Hammer didn’t have a ton of skill in the ring but he was big, strong and charismatic, which was the perfect opposite for the deranged and bizarre Cactus Jack. These two would have a rematch next time to continue showing their strange chemistry.

Quick break from that for Starrcade 1991 and the Lethal Lottery.

Steve Austin/Rick Rude vs. Big Josh/Van Hammer

Austin and Rude are part of the top heel stable, the Dangerous Alliance, managed by Paul E. Dangerously. So yeah, in a competition designed to be “random”, we’ve had regular partners fighting in one match and teaming together in the second. Rude is US Champion and Austin is TV Champion here. Josh is a woodsman who used to have dancing bears with him. He’s another Jim Herd creation in case you were wondering. Van Hammer is a big power guy with a heavy metal (his nickname actually) musician gimmick.

Austin and Van Hammer get things going with Van Hammer slamming him down with ease. It’s so strange seeing the famously bald Austin with long blonde hair here. They trade kicks to the ribs before Van Hammer suplexes him down for two. Now we head to the mat and Hammer works on the arm after some surprisingly good amateur wrestling. Austin takes him into the corner for some forearms and it’s off to Rude for a hard clothesline.

They slug it out before Rude takes over with a knee to the ribs and tags off to Austin. Actually make that Rude again as Austin hits Hammer once before tagging back out. Off to a front facelock by Rude but Hammer charges forward and makes the tag off to Josh. He immediately stomps on Rude’s ribs but it has no effect because Rude’s abdomen is so heavily muscled. Instead Josh rams the Alliance’s heads together to send them to the floor. The crowd is much more excited for this one than the previous match.

Back in and Josh puts Rude in an armbar before putting Austin in one as well. Josh drops Austin throat first on the top rope and clotheslines him down for two before it’s back to Hammer for a hammerlock. Well that’s appropriate if nothing else. Back to Josh to crank on the arm a bit more, only to have Austin duck his head and send Josh into a clothesline from Rude. Rick comes back in with a chop to Josh’s head for two. The Alliance takes over on Josh with both guys making quick tags to keep the fresh man in.

Rude hooks a chinlock as Dangerously adds a distraction to let Austin cheat a bit. Off to a chinlock by Austin but Josh powers out and fires off some elbows. A slam puts Austin down but Josh tries an elbow drop instead of tagging, allowing the Alliance to maintain control. Austin misses a charge at Josh though and there’s the hot tag to Van Hammer. House is cleaned by Hammer but Rude makes the save. Everything breaks down and Rude gets a blind tag, allowing him to sneak up on Hammer and hit the Rude Awakening (neckbreaker) for the pin.

Rating: C+. Much better match here as they worked a basic tag team formula quite well. At the end of the day, it helps to have pure talent like Austin and Rude in there and the match was much better as a result. Hammer was VERY popular for awhile and this was right around the apex of his career so the crowd was into it as well. This could have easily been the main event of one of WCW’s weekend TV shows.

Back to Cactus at Clash XVIII.

Cactus Jack vs. Van Hammer

Falls count anywhere which also means no disqualification. Hammer dives over the top rope to start and hits Jack with a running clothesline in the corner. He jumps off the middle rope but lands on a right hand for two. The Cactus Clothesline puts both guys outside and Jack immediately covers for two. Cactus peels back the mats and tries the middle rope elbow but Hammer gets up so it’s a sunset flip for two instead.

Hammer is quickly back up and powerslams Jack down onto the ramp for a close two of his own. They fight up the ramp and Jack tries to hiptoss him out to the floor, only to have Hammer reverse into one of his own for a big crash. Hammer dives off the ramp with a clothesline for two and they go backstage as we take a break.

Back with the guys outside (and on tape instead of live) and Jack dropping a wooden barricade on Hammer for two. The fight goes over to a stable with Abdullah the Butcher appearing to help Cactus. Hammer tries to fight them off but Butcher hits him in the head with a shovel meant for Jack, giving Cactus the pin.

Rating: B-. This was a wild fight with some absolutely insane spots from both guys. The ending looked great too with the shovel shot sounding even more brutal its visual. Cactus was getting a great reputation as the wild brawler and would rise up the card for the next several years.

Another Lethal Lottery match at Starrcade 1992.

Van Hammer/Dan Spivey vs. Johnny B. Badd/Cactus Jack

Spivey is a tall blonde haired guy who isn’t great in the ring. Cactus and Van Hammer had feuded a bit back in 1991 so they get things going. As to be expected with a nutjob like Jack, he pounds away while screaming a lot. Van Hammer comes back with a clothesline and takes over using a variety of forearms and right hands. A legdrop connects but it’s quickly off to Badd. Johnny makes up for the purple trunks with a SWEET hurricanrana to slam Van Hammer’s head down into the mat. Back to Cactus for a hiptoss for no cover.

Off to Spivey who uses his powers of lumbering around the ring to take over. After some right hands and a clothesline to Jack it’s back to Van Hammer again. He gets to fight Badd, and of course by that I mean chase him around while Spivey cheats from the apron. Dan tags himself in and throws on a bearhug before it’s back to Van Hammer for a slam.

A belly to back suples gets two and it’s back to the cheater. Badd staggers Spivey with a dropkick and tags Jack in again as things pick up. Cactus screams a lot and pounds away, only to be caught by a flying shoulder for two. Badd misses an elbow drop as he tries to save, triggering a brawl with Cactus. Since Badd is a Golden Gloves champion, he knocks Badd into a rollup from Hammer for the win.

Rating: D+. This was pretty lame stuff as Spivey and Van Hammer are both big guys who aren’t all that great in the ring. Cactus was clearly something special and why he was put down in exchange for Van Hammer and Spivey is beyond me. Jack would have his day soon though as he would feud with Vader for most of 1993.

Hammer would leave soon after this and not appear for about five years. He would return in late 1997, with one of his first matches back being on December 22, 1997’s Nitro.

Chris Benoit vs. Hammer

Benoit’s run through the Flock continues but there’s no Raven again. Chris asks the rest of the Flock to get in the ring because Hammer is going to need all the help he can get. A quick dropkick to Hammer’s knee takes him down and Benoit chops away in the corner. Hammer is kicked to the floor and Benoit takes him down with a dive through the ropes. Benoit goes over and smacks Saturn in the head, allowing Hammer to take over with some sledges to the back. Hammer knocks him back to the floor but gets whipped into the apron. Benoit gets a chair and here comes the Flock for the DQ.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but again this was about storytelling rather than the match. They’ve done a great job at setting up Benoit vs. Raven when it finally would happen, which for some reason wasn’t at Starrcade. Either way, this feud is making Benoit look like a star.

Hammer got the usual treatment of the times on Nitro, April 6, 1998.

Hammer vs. Goldberg

Nothing out of the ordinary here other than Goldberg hitting an Attitude Adjustment on Hammer. The spear and Jackhammer end this in about a minute and fifteen seconds.

Here’s something a bit better on May 18, 1998’s Nitro. Hammer was in the Flock at this point but had to defend his uh…..Flockdom I guess you would say against Saturn.

Saturn vs. Hammer

Kidman says this is a loser leaves the Flock match. Hammer sends Saturn into the steps to take over and gets two off something like an airplane spin. Saturn comes back with a superkick and some chops in the corner followed by a Cactus Clothesline to take both guys to the outside. We look at Raven’s dressing room to see the Flock watching the match. Saturn dives into a powerslam for no cover and a delayed superplex gets the same lack of cover.

Hammer goes for the legs but gets kicked into the ropes, setting up a top rope legdrop from Saturn. Saturn brings in a chair which is legal here it seems. A springboard dropkick using the chair knocks Hammer into the corner but a second attempt hits the referee. Saturn hits something like a Van Daminator and loads up the Death Valley Driver, only to have Kanyon come in dressed as a beer vendor. One beer case to the head is enough to knock Saturn out of the Flock.

Rating: D+. This was better than I expected and it’s nice to see the Flock have a story outside of whatever Raven is doing at the moment. Saturn leaving the Flock is interesting, but he’s always been the rebel of the group. Nice match here though and it should set the stage for more interesting stuff in the future.

Hammer would have some more luck on Nitro on September 14, 1998.

Alex Wright vs. Van Hammer

Van Hammer is now a hippie. He shoves Wright into the corner to start as Tony runs down tonight’s card. Alex grabs a headlock and stomps away in the corner before sending Hammer to the floor. Ernest Miller comes out and kicks Hammer in the head, drawing the DQ in a quick ending.

Hammer would return as a hippie in 1999 on March 8’s Nitro.

Van Hammer vs. Bret Hart

Hammer takes him down to the mat with a headlock before we hit a test of strength. Bret grabs a wristlock but Hammer comes back with some very uninspired brawling. Hart of course comes back with a low blow because that’s as common as a headlock in this company anymore.

We hit the Figure Four on Van before Bret wraps the leg around the ropes. A backslide gets two for Hammer but Bret goes right back to the leg. He bends the leg around the post but Hammer counters the Figure Four around the steel. Back in and Bret gets suplexed followed by a cobra clutch slam for two. Hammer misses an enziguri and the Sharpshooter ends it.

Rating: D. WAY too long here for a Bret squash. Hammer was just a guy for him to beat up and the leg work got a bit boring after awhile. By the way, this match is pretty much meaningless at the moment as Bret isn’t even on the card Sunday. Why we’re spending ten minutes on a match that doesn’t build up Sunday is an interesting question, but it’s really low on the totem of things this show has done wrong.

Somehow he would get a TV Title shot out of all this at Bash at the Beach 1999.

TV Title: Van Hammer vs. Rick Steiner

Rick takes him into the corner and hammers away but gets taken down by a clothesline. Out to the floor and never mind as they’re back in a second later. Steiner hammers him down while selling nothing for the most part. Crowd is DEAD. Outside again and Van Hammer is sent into the railing. There’s a DDT on the concrete which should kill Van Hammer but since Steiner tries to pin him on the floor, this keeps going.

Back in now and Van Hammer gets some offense in but Steiner’s ego is threatened so he takes over again. He chokes away and now let’s go back outside again. Van Hammer gets a chair which Steiner FINALLY goes down from. Top rope clothesline gets two and I mean barely gets two. Steiner low blows him and bites Van Hammer in the balls. The bulldog ends this squash.

Rating: F. Rick Steiner in the late 90s was awful as he just refused to sell for ANYONE and was pushed with titles anyway. Having the video on Van Hammer made this look like it should have been a title change or at least a competitive match but since Steiner wouldn’t sell at all, this went nowhere.

Hammer would join the Misfits in Action as Major Stash. He wouldn’t last long in the group but here’s an eight man elimination match from Thunder on May 24, 2000.

Misfits in Action vs. Filthy Animals

That would be Captain Rection (Hugh Morrus), Corporal Cajun (Lash Leroux), Lieutenant Loco (Chavo Guerrero Jr.) and Major Stash (Van Hammer) vs. Konnan/Juventud Guerrera/Disco Inferno/Rey Mysterio Jr. These teams hate each other so the brawl is on in a hurry. The Misfits clean house and all four nail splashes in the corner. Major Gunns, a pair of implants and blonde hair, loads up a splash of his own but kicks him low instead.

We settle down to Chavo clotheslining Guerrera down and making the tag off to Cajun. Juvy flips out of the Whiplash (fireman’s carry into a Michinoku Driver) and moonwalks over to tag in Mysterio. A clothesline gets two for Cajun but Rey slides through the ropes and tags off to Guerrera for a sunset flip and two. Cajun loads up a top rope hurricanrana but Disco shoves him off to give Juvy a powerbomb and the pin.

Stash slams Disco down and gets two off a big boot. Guerrera comes in with a quick dropkick but gets caught in a bad looking cobra clutch slam for….one? Disco brings in a kendo stick for no apparent reason and hammers on everyone. Rey hits a top rope legdrop with a chair (the referee is fine with this) for the pin on Stash to make it 3-2. Wait what? Konnan is nowhere in sight and I don’t remember seeing him since the beginning of the match. Tony said it’s just Juvy/Rey/Disco for the Animals now so I guess Konnan is out.

Disco comes in and dances into a swinging neckbreaker to Guerrero. Chavo pops back up and nails a tornado DDT to pin Disco, getting us down to Morrus/Chavo vs. Mysterio/Guerrera. An inverted reverse DDT plants Guerrera and Morrus adds a moonsault to make it 2-1. This brings in Shawn Stasiak for no apparent reason to beat on Morrus, presumably DQ’ing Rey.

Rating: D-. This was a disaster and a great example of the problems WCW was having around this time. Konnan just left with no apparent reason and the rest of the mess had no structure or flow to it. There was no reason for this to be an elimination match and the stable wars didn’t work.

Van Hammer was never going to win Wrestler of the Year or anything like that, but he was big and fun to watch. Back in the early 90s he had a short run where he became the hottest star in the company. Unfortunately he was never given anything to work with (save for the Strongest Arm tournament win. It was arm wrestling people.) and the push completely died. His later stuff never worked though I was glad to see his returns.

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Oh you didn’t know? Today we have the New Age Outlaws.

The Outlaws are of course Road Dogg Jesse James and Billy Gunn, who had a few meaningless matches in late 1997 and decided to team up instead of wasting their careers. Their first match together was on Shotgun Saturday Night, September 20, 1997.

New Age Outlaws vs. Los Boricuas

It’s Jesus Castillo/Jose Estrada here and the Outlaws are still Rockabilly and Jesse James. The Outlaws jump Los Boricuas and it’s Jesus in trouble to start. Rockabilly’s tilt-a-whirl backbreaker is countered into an armdrag but it’s off to Jesse before much damage can be done. Billy misses a splash into the corner and it’s off to Estrada to clean house. Everything breaks down and Billy nails Jose with his manager Honky Tonk Man’s guitar for the pin.

The lame team would get a Tag Team Title shot on Raw, November 24, 1997.

Tag Team Titles: Legion of Doom vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws come out in LOD pads with Dogg calling Hawk and Animal dinosaurs. The brawl starts on the stage until Animal backdrops Billy to start. Hawk comes in and beats up both Outlaws on his own so Road Dogg heads outside. That’s fine with Animal who nails Dogg with a clothesline on the floor. Back in and a delayed vertical suplex gets two for Hawk as this has been total dominance so far.

Billy finally trips Hawk up and we take a break. Back with Hawk nailing Dogg with a clothesline but Billy distracts Animal to break up a tag. Hawk and Billy clothesline each other but the referee doesn’t see the hot tag to Animal. Dogg hits Hawk in the face with a title belt for two but Billy’s top rope legdrop only hits mat. Animal gets the tag and cleans house but the referee gets bumped. Everything breaks down and Billy nails Animal in the back with a chair, giving Billy the pin and the titles for a HUGE shock.

Rating: D+. The match sucked but the LOD was so far past their prime here that having them just give a rub was the best use for them. The Outlaws were basically the Honky Tonk Man of the tag team division: they beat so many other teams that they had no business beating and the fans kept thinking their next match would FINALLY be the time, but it never was.

The Outlaws would hold the titles until Wrestlemania XIV where they lost them to Cactus Jack and Chainsaw Charlie. There was a rematch last night which changed the Outlaws’ careers forever.

Tag Titles: Cactus Jack/Chainsaw Charlie vs. New Age Outlaws

Road Dogg is wearing a JOB Squad t-shirt for some reason. The old guys jump them as they get in and the fight is on. Funk has a BAD bruise on his back/hip. Gunn gets suplexed into the cage and is hung upside down from the top of the cage. There are no tags in this. This is a total mess but that’s supposed to be the point so it works.

Funk is tied to the cage with something. Cactus manages to get a double DDT but it’s a handicap match now. Funk gets an arm free but can’t untie himself. He’s tied by his throat. Jack and Gunn go up to the corner and Billy gets crotched. DX comes in and Pac blasts Cactus with a chair and a spike Piledriver onto said chair gives the Outlaws the titles again.

Rating: C. Call this right in the middle because it was a big mess, but that was the idea here. Also the whole point of this was to show that DX had fresh blood in it as the Outlaws are officially part of DX now. This was a perfect fit as they were all about the lack of respect and all that jazz. They worked rather well in that role too.

The Outlaws would continue to be intelligent, as shown on Raw, June 8, 1998.

Tag Titles: Disciples of Apocalypse vs. Legion of Doom vs. New Age Outlaws

During the Outlaws’ entrance, Taker beats up Sarge in the back. HHH and Pac are on the stage with various funny signs. Just two in the ring at a time. Billy vs. Animal gets us going. Billy brings in 8-Ball quickly and oh yay it’s more DOA vs. LOD. Let’s say that’s 8-Ball beating on Road Dogg. The twins take over and you can feel the energy being sucked out of the show while they’re in there.

Roadie finally brings in Hawk who just does not look right with hair. Neckbreaker gets two on Skull. Billy comes in and the match continues to go nowhere. The challengers are back in almost immediately and Animal pounds him down. Let’s say that’s Skull. Road Dogg comes in and takes a missed low blow. Back to Animal vs. Skull. GET THIS OVER WITH ALREADY. Finally we get to the ending as both of the Outlaws are brought in. And then Road Dogg quickly lays down for the pin before anyone else can get in. And that’s Outlaws 101. Shouldn’t they lose the titles though as they gave up the fall?

Rating: D+. Other than the ending, this was really boring stuff. The DOA vs. LOD feud went on FOREVER and never got interesting in the slightest. They were such a clash of styles and none of them had anything interesting at all to do. Boring match but the ending showed why the Outlaws are so memorable: they couldn’t beat the challengers physically so use your brains.

The Outlaws would defend the titles for months (save for a period of Mankind and Kane taking them), including this match at Survivor Series 1998.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Headbangers vs. D’Lo Brown/Mark Henry

The Outlaws are defending of course. This was set up on Raw with both challenging teams doing something that I can’t remember to earn the shot. Billy and Brown start things off but Mosh comes in off a blind tag to try to steal a pin on Billy. Mosh hits a running body attack in the corner on Gunn before diving at Brown as well. This is pretty messy so far. The Outlaws pound on the former Nation guys in opposite corners before the Headbangers double team Roadie.

Brown and Mosh trade pin attempts on Dogg. This is the old triple threat tag match rules where there are three people at a time in there which I’ve always preferred. Off to Henry for a bearhug on Roadie until Mosh makes the save. Off to Brown, Thrasher and Dogg as this continues to be ugly stuff. Gunn gets in a LOUD argument with the referee as Brown ranas Thrasher off the top.

Roadie pounds on Brown and Thrasher but Henry takes his head off with a clothesline. Brown’s running powerbomb to Thrasher is countered into a sunset flip for two. A Henry legdrop gets the same on Dogg, followed by the Headbangers double teaming Roadie for the same. Brown offers a pact with Mosh but gets kicked in the balls for his efforts. JR can almost be heard moaning at how bad this match is. Roadie finally escapes the beating for the hot tag to Billy. The fans LOVED the Outlaws so at least they’re reacting here.

Brown hits the Sky High on Billy but since everyone is out of position, it takes forever to start the count. Jesse Ventura would have a field day with this. To further the stupidity here, Billy hits a Fameasser on Mosh but Henry makes the save with a splash, also hitting Mosh. Mark just stays on top of Mosh for a cover, but after two finisher it only gets two. That Mosh man, he’s TOUGH. Billy finally piledrives Mosh to retain the titles.

Rating: F. This was terrible and there’s no other way to put it. They were all over the place and no one was even reading the same book out there. The referee had to count very slowly so the saves could be made and there was no flow to this at all. Just awful and JR’s commentary makes it even funnier, but in a kind of sad way.

After having some issues and splitting for awhile in early 1999, the team would reunite as heels later in the years. They would get the titles back from the Rock N Sock Connection and defend them at Unforgiven 1999.

Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. New Age Outlaws

Edge and Christian are young faces here and asked for a title match on Heat. How weird is it that Edge and Christian would be light years ahead of the Outlaws at the end of the day? The Outlaws are freshly reunited here and the pop is noticeably quieter. And I’m wrong as they’re WAY into the Road Dogg entrance stuff. Edge and Gunn start us off. Korderas is refereeing again which is good as there shouldn’t be any drama here.

This was when Gunn was still bearable in the ring so this is decent to start off with. Edge and Christian were young and awesome at this time so this is a fun match on paper. More or less no way they were going to win though as the Outlaws had just won the belts recently. Lawler asks Ross if he likes it doggy style. That’s just wrong. The Outlaws are showing off here which you NEVER see. It’s not bad actually. Edge is WAY into steroids here as he’s ripped as all goodness.

I don’t know if I believe this but I think the Outlaws are having a good standard tag match here. What in the world am I watching? You could tell that the challengers were going to be awesome at some point in the future. What would be called Poetry in Motion when the Hardys used it misses.

Gunn gets the hot tag and he just starts whipping ass. NICE powerslam. This is a solid match actually. And here are the Hardys and Gangrel. They beat up Edge and Christian so the Fameasser ends it. Screw this good match thing! We want RUN INS! Russo was gone but still being felt at this time I guess.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here as they went back and forth with the Outlaws showing that they could go when they wanted to. This of course makes me want to know: why didn’t they do it more often? It’s a shame they didn’t as this was awesome. Of course Edge and Christian would have their time.

Here’s one of their last defenses, from Royal Rumble 2000.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws are defending and there’s a backstory that doesn’t deserve to be listed. Who would have thought that THIRTEEN YEARS LATER the Outlaws would be on house shows for the WWE again? The Outlaws are heels here but they’re over like free beer in a frat house here in New York. The APA storms the ring and the beating is on quickly. Bradshaw and Billy officially get us started with Billy taking a fast beating. Both guys tag as the referee is adjusting his ear piece.

Faarooq imitates Dogg’s dance before getting double teamed a bit. Bradshaw breaks up the shaky knee drop and everything breaks down. The Clothesline kills Billy and there’s the spinebuster to Roadie….but Billy pulls the referee out. The ref is bumped and Road Dogg is hit with a double powerbomb. X-Pac runs in and kicks Bradshaw’s head off. The Fameasser to the future JBL retains the titles in like two and a half minutes. This had to be cut for time. The Outlaws would lose the titles to the Dudleys next month and that would be the end of the team.

That would be their last regular tag team match in the WWF for over ten years. The team would however reunite in TNA as the James Gang (Road Dogg was BG James and Billy was Kip James), with one of their first matches coming at Final Resolution 2006.

Diamonds in the Rough vs. James Gang

It’s Elix Skipper/David Young and this is the return match for the James Gang. BG and Skipper start things off. Skipper shoves him down and it’s a very slow start. Skipper suplexes BG over and works on the arm for a second. BG comes back with the dancing punches and shaking knee drop for two. David and Kip come in for a few collisions that go nowhere.

The Diamonds try some double teaming but get caught in a double Japanese armdrag by Kip. They get sent to the floor and the Gang beats on them on the floor. The fans chant for the Outlaws but BG walks into a spinebuster from Young for no cover. There’s a reason the guy lost like 86 matches in a row. Skipper pounds on BG for a bit before it’s back to Young who covers, only to have Kip distract the referee. David misses a moonsault and it’s hot tag to Kip. Skipper clotheslines him down and everything breaks down. Young breaks up the pumphandle slam but Kip hits the cobra clutch slam for the pin on Elix.

Rating: D. You know there’s a running theme with these New Age Outlaws matches: they’re not that good. These guys were never known for their in ring work and it’s pretty clear why. The matches just aren’t any good with the action being generic the whole way through. There was nothing to this and it was a horrible return for the James Gang or whatever they’re called this month.

The team would eventually become known as the Voodoo Kin Mafia, which somehow is a jab at Vince (yes I get the initials thing). This led to a feud with Christy Hemme’s various teams, including this match at Victory Road 2007.

Voodoo Kin Mafia vs. Basham/Damaja

Ok so I’m betting some translations are needed. Lance Hoyt isn’t wrestling but rather is someone that was brought into the camp of the VKM (more commonly known as the New Age Outlaws with the initials VKM, which are the initials of one Vincent Kennedy McMahon) as a spy for Christy Hemme. Hoyt is more commonly known as Vance Archer and the other two wrestlers were better known as Doug and Danny Basham.

Oh and at the moment the Outlaws are known as BG James (Road Dogg) and Kip James (not Road Dogg). They debut Roxxi as the newest member of the Mafia. Now SHE was zombie hot.  Sweet goodness Christy looks great with her hair up and in a black dress. I totally do not remember the Bashams being in TNA.

Hemme keeps making out with Hoyt for some reason. Christy and Hoyt come into the ring and we get the Knockouts showdown before they were called Knockouts. Hoyt of course jumps Road Dogg and the heels take over in standard fashion. The fans are bored with the match. That’s odd as it’s not that bad. It’s bad mind you, but there’s nothing here that is standing out as terrible.

Not Road Dogg hits a Jackhammer for two. With the referee talking to Hoyt, Road Dogg pops Damaja with a chair so that not Road Dogg can get the pin. Road Dogg beats up Hoyt afterwards. Roxxi hits a Dominator on Christy.

Rating: D. Just…why? Why is this on PPV? I get that it was a feud etc but this just wasn’t interesting at all. I know TNA is bad about thinking matches have potential or whatever but they thought this was good? This is a great example of people complaining about TNA taking WWE rejects. Why in the world would you bring in the Bashams? Not horrible, but just very uninteresting.

The team would leave TNA a bit later and go into a six year hiatus before returning to WWE on Old School Raw for a cameo match.

New Age Outlaws vs. Primo/Epico

Dogg and Epico get things started and there are the shaking punches followed by the shaky knee drop for two for Roadie. Primo distracts Dogg though and Epico gets in a dropkick to take over. The cousins work over Roadie with Epico hitting a slingshot elbow for no cover. Off to a chinlock for a bit but Roadie fights up and the two of them collide. Hot tag brings in Billy who pounds away on both guys before getting two off a tilt-a-whirl slam. Everything breaks down and the Fameasser ends Primo at 2:58.

After most of another year off, they would come back, beat the Tag Team Champions in a non-title match and get a title shot at Royal Rumble 2014.

Pre-Show: Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust

Cody and Goldust are defending and lost a non-title match to the Outlaws to set this up. Road Dogg starts with Cody and is taken down by a quick shoulder block. Back up and Roadie hits his shaky fist but has to duck the Disaster Kick. Gunn comes in off the tag but is quickly sent to the floor for a top rope clothesline as we take a break. Back with Road Dogg dropping a knee on Goldust for two and putting on a chinlock.

Goldust fights back up and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Billy breaks up a tag attempt as the announcers brag about how Gunn hasn’t aged a bit since the 90s. For 50 years old the guys is in good shape. Goldust finally makes the hot tag and Cody speeds things up, including a double springboard missile dropkick to put both Outlaws down. Cross Rhodes lays out Road Dogg but Billy saves at two. Billy comes in off a blind tag as Cody hits the Disaster Kick to Roadie, setting up the Fameasser for the pin and the titles at 6:30.

Rating: C. I was surprised here. Not only was this not the result I was expecting, but the match was better than I thought it was going to be. The Brothers had been on one heck of a roll since the fall, but this likely leads into the Authority being corrupt storyline. That doesn’t make sense given that the Outlaws just won the match clean, but I’m assuming that’s the idea.

There was a rematch on Raw, February 3, 2014.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust

The Outlaws are defending and you can only win by pinfall or submission, not escaping. We get the big match intros after a break and we’re ready to go. Goldust grabs a headlock on Road Dogg to start before taking Dogg down in something like an armdrag. He gets on all fours to chase Roadie to the corner but Goldust lets him go. Road Dogg asks Billy what they’re doing in here before tagging Gunn in to face Goldust.

Cody comes in with a sunset flip out of the corner for two and a small package gets the same. Back to Road Dogg who takes Cody into the corner as a CM Punk chant starts and quickly dies. Billy comes in again and pulls Cody’s bad elbow around the top rope before putting on an armbar. The announcers talk about the tag division until it’s back to Goldust for an armbar on Road Dogg. Not exactly inspiring stuff so far.

Goldust pounds on Dogg in the corner with right hands but misses a cross body and crashes into the cage to change momentum as we take a break. Back with Goldust still in trouble via a Road Dogg chinlock until it’s back to Gunn who walks into a clothesline out of the corner. Goldust finally makes the hot tag to Cody as everything breaks down. The Disaster Kick gets two on Billy and Cody is frustrated. He looks up at the top of the cage, tells Billy to suck it and starts to climb. Cody goes to the top of the cage, totally misses the moonsault press on Road Dogg and gets caught by the Fameasser to give Billy the pin at 16:10.

Rating: D+. This was a very boring match that didn’t need to be in a cage except for the big spot at the end. I’m assuming the Brothers are going to be splitting up soon which isn’t the worst idea in the world. It also helps that they didn’t go with the losing streak angle to set up the title change.

We’ll wrap it up with their final regular tag team match, from March 3, 2014 on Raw.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Usos

The Outlaws are defending but Road Dogg doesn’t think the fans here are worthy of hearing his catchphrases. It only took them two months to remember they’re heels. Jey hammers on Roadie to start but gets whipped hard into the corner. Uso comes out holding his knee so Dogg kicks him to the floor for a breather. Billy throws him back inside and hammers away before it’s back to Dogg. Jey’s leg seems to be holding up well enogh and Dogg even works it over a bit. Roadie throws him to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Jey fighting out of a chinlock but getting slammed down for two. Dogg comes back in and takes a spin kick to the face (the knee seems fine). The hot tag brings in Jimmy to face Billy. Dogg gets knocked off the apron and a Samoan drop puts Gunn down. There’s a Bubba Bomb to Billy and the running Umaga attack in the corner to Roadie.

A reverse Whisper in the Wind hits Gunn and there’s a superkick to knock Dogg to the floor. Gunn rolls up Jimmy for two and the tilt-a-whirl slam gets the same. The Fameasser just misses and the Usos do the plancha with the flying tag, setting up the superkick and Superfly Splash to FINALLY give the Usos the Tag Titles at 9:27.

Rating: C+. It’s about three years overdue but this was the best way to do it. I have no problem with the Outlaws keeping the title for just a few weeks as they put the young guys over 100% clean before Wrestlemania. Good little match and they made it feel like it meant something, which is rare for these titles.

The Outlaws are definitely a team that was better on the mic than in the ring. You might be looking at this and thinking “that’s it?” To be fair, you’re probably right for the most part. There really aren’t a lot of great Outlaws matches, but at the same time there were TONS of great promos and bits over the years. They were definitely a big deal though and a huge force in the Attitude Era.

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Today is 1derful. Mr. 1derful Paul Orndorff actually. That’s how he signs autographs actually.

 

Orndorff got his start in 1976 after a very solid football career at the University of Tampa. He would go all around the territories as was tradition back then, including a stop in Japan in 1980 for this tag match.

Hulk Hogan/Paul Orndorff vs. Antonio Inoki/Riki Choshu

Hogan has a beard here and gets almost no reaction. After a weapons check we’re ready to go. Orndorff and Choshu start things off and we actually get a clean break. Paul takes him down by the arm for early control as Freddie Blassie is managing the Americans. Hogan comes in and hammers on Riki in the corner before it’s off to Inoki for a showdown. Hulk drags him into the corner by the arm but it’s quickly back to Orndorff to crank on the arm.

Inoki sweeps the leg out and it’s back to Choshu as this is a rather technical match so far. It’s always interesting to see how differently things go in other countries in different eras. Choshu stays on the leg and puts on something like an STF but just lets go of it to be nice I guess. Hogan comes in with some slams for two and a hard shot to the head. Oh yeah the Americans are heels here.

Hogan lifts Riki up and drops him down onto Paul’s knee so Orndorff can bend the spine a bit. Saito Suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock with a knee in the back. The heels take turns working over Choshu until Hogan scores with a lariat. He lifts Choshu into the air and manages to talk trash to Inoki before slamming Riki down. Choshu grabs a brainbuster out of nowhere for two on Paul and everything breaks down. All four guys go to the floor and the match is thrown out.

Rating: C. This was fine other than a quick ending. Choshu and Inoki are both legends who can do no wrong and you have two young guys in Hogan/Orndorff to rile up the crowd. It really is amazing to see Hogan at this point in his career as a lot of the stuff that made him famous is there but in a completely different form.

We’ll jump ahead a good bit here to Orndorff in the WWF, where he saw by far his greatest success. First up is this match from September 1, 1984 in St. Louis which we’ll look at because it has Tito Santana in it and Tito Santana is awesome.

Intercontinental Title: Tito Santana vs. Paul Orndorff

This is from September 1, 1984 in St. Louis. I know because there’s a graphic that says September 1, 1984 in St. Louis. Orndorff is a top heel here but not quite Piper’s levels. Tito is a house of fire to start. Must have had the extra hot sauce on his taco today. The fans chant Paula and there are even signs. Technical stuff to start as they fight for control. Top wristlock by Tito and he finally gets him down.

Back to the mat and Tito cranks on the arm. Orndorff tries to fight out but we need to work on that arm some more. Clipped to the armbar still on but the two guys on their feet now. Orndorff grabs an atomic drop and Tito is in trouble. Knee lift puts Santana on the floor. Outside now and there’s another atomic drop. Tito’s shoulder is bleeding a bit. Orndorff actually does the RVD thumb point.

Tito comes back in with a sunset flip but Paul punches him in the head to stop him. Off to a chinlock which doesn’t last long. Tito hits him with some shots but a suplex puts him right back down. Cross body gets two for Tito. The fans are way into this. Santana starts hitting him in the kidneys and a knee lift puts Paul down. Orndorff tries a middle rope splash but it eats knees.

Tito gets all fired up and pounds Paul down with what Jesse would call that firey Latin temper of his. Boston Crab is countered but Paul goes into the buckle anyway. That gets two but Tito gets his head taken off by a clothesline. That gets two and this is a VERY slow referee. Orndorff stomps away in the same style that Lance Storm used. Paul gets in another shot but time runs out at about 14:30 shown so a lot must have been cut.

Rating: B-. Fun match but I’d have liked to see the full version. It’s not quite the classic that it’s hyped up as here but this was still pretty fun. Orndorff was better than he was given credit for but he was caught between two legendary feuds so his stuff with Hogan is often forgotten, which is a shame.

Soon after this the WWF would hit one of its peaks with the Rock and Wrestling Connection. Orndorff would be right in the middle of things as he was a close friend of Roddy Piper, who was causing all the drama. With Hogan having Mr. T. backing him up, Orndorff was brought in by Piper as his second for the tag team main event of the first Wrestlemania.

Hulk Hogan/Mr. T. vs. Roddy Piper/Paul Orndorff

Piper comes out with the full New York Pipe and Drums band while Hogan and T come out to Eye of the Tiger. Advantage Hogan/T. Piper and Orndorff have Bob Orton as their second while Hogan/T have Jimmy Snuka. Advantage Hogan/T. This is looking kind of one sided isn’t it? Oh and Pat Patterson is the inside referee while Ali is the outside referee. The heels all hug and we’re ready to go.

Orndorff and Hogan get things going but Piper tags in before there’s any contact. Therefore T wants to fight Piper and they immediately head to the mat. T and Piper do some amateur stuff and T actually lasts long enough for a standoff. We get some staring until T hooks Piper in an airplane spin. Everything breaks down and Ali gets in to help break it up. Orton and Snuka try to get in as well but Ali glares Orton down.

Things break down again and the heels get rammed together until we get down to Hogan vs. Piper. Hulk rams Piper’s head into the mat over and over until it’s back to T. Hogan offers his knee as something to ram Piper’s head into and it’s back to the champion to send Piper to the outside. Orndorff jumps Hogan from behind and knocks him outside where Roddy blasts him with a chair.

Paul chokes away from the apron until T charges in for the save. Pat Patterson has to pull T off and you know he enjoys this in some way. A double atomic drop puts Hogan down and Orndorff hits a vertical suplex. Roddy comes back in to get in his punches and knee shots followed by an Orndorff top rope elbow to the back of Hulk’s neck for two. Paul goes up again but misses the knee drop and there’s the hot tag to T.

Orndorff and T brawl on the mat for a bit until Mr. gets in trouble via a Piper front facelock. That goes nowhere though as T stands up and makes the tag with no effort to be seen. Hogan pounds away but walks into a belly to back suplex. Orton and Snuka get in the ring for no apparent reason and as the referee calms things down, Orton comes in off the top with the cast but hits Orndorff by mistake to give Hogan the pin.

Rating: B-. Is it great? Not even close, but the point of this match was the crowd reacting to it rather than the match itself. It’s easily the best match of the night and while the only question coming into tonight was who was getting the fall. This was exactly what the fans wanted and that’s what this was supposed to be about. Nice main event here.

Piper would blame Orndorff for the loss, kicking off a feud between the two of them. From Saturday Night’s Main Event #2.

Paul Orndorff vs. Roddy Piper

This was on the SNME DVD which is well worth buying. Piper has ANOTHER Scottish band with him. Big feud here as these two had been partners against Hogan but they blamed each other for the loss at Mania, resulting in Orndorff turning face eventually and then turning heel again to light the company on fire including a 60,000 person house show in Toronto.

This is a total brawl and not resembling a match in the slightest. They just beat the heck out of each other with punches, kicks and chokes. To be fair though that’s what this is supposed to be so they’re hitting the mark on that front. We hit the floor maybe a minute and a half in and it’s just nuts. Today this isn’t much but at this time it’s a big old brawl. Orndorff busts out a suplex and Jesse points out it’s the first wrestling move.

The referee puts the fastest ten count in recorded history on them but they’re both up. We hit the floor again and the fans are into this. We head up the aisle for the double countout which is the right thing to do. This never got a proper blowoff for some reason which is a shame. They fight into the back and Piper hides in a locker room as we go to a break.

Rating: C+. From a wrestling perspective this is awful but from a brawling perspective this was great. The idea was to just have these two want to kill each other and that’s how it went. This was one of the hottest feuds possible and it worked very well in that sense. It was a good brawl but FAR too short to be great.

Orndorff would be entered in the Wrestling Classic tournament in November 1985.

First Round: Bob Orton Jr. vs. Paul Orndorff

This is the final first round match, so if nothing else we can move on to some more interesting stuff, at least in theory. Orton has a sore arm apparently. Doesn’t look serious though so he should be fine soon. The main idea here is that Orton wants the bounty. The arm has been injured about 8 months already and I think it still would be at Mania 3. For a little reference, this is about six months before Mania 2.

In a wise move, Orndorff works on the arm. Well at least he’s smart about it. In a freaking sick looking move, Paul (way too annoying to have to keep typing his last name) hooks his feet around the arm of Orton and more or less uses an Indian Deathlock on it. That looked awesome. There’s your heel comeback but I’m distracted by the hotness of Mickie James on Smackdown.

Ok I’m back now. How did two hours pass in between there??? And why am I all sticky? When did I go to Arby’s??? Oh well at least it tastes good. Orton is the bodyguard of Piper at this point so he’s being constantly called the bodyguard of Piper. He really was technically sound if nothing else so there we are. This is actually a pretty good match just like the previous one. These are two guys that can work a decent match when they have to.

Paul was a good wrestler but a horrible character if that makes sense. He was just bland as all goodness. Think about it: name one time where he was interesting other than Hogan. See what I mean? In another kind of dumb ending, a cast shot gets the DQ for Paul. Well, that’s one way to do it I guess. This wound up becoming part of a bigger feud involving Piper and Muraco that would eventually result in Piper’s great heel work turning Orndorff heel again in about a year or less.

Rating: B-. Again, this is a solid example of how you make a decent match. Now to be fair they had a lot more time here than anyone else has had (seven minutes which still isn’t much at all) and they made the most of it. There was a story here or at least something looking like one. Both guys worked fairly hard and while the ending sucked, not much else did. That’s how it’s done again.

A few months later, Orndorff would start teaming with Hulk Hogan. This led to the two of them gaining some big victories, but Bobby Heenan got involved. He taunted Orndorff by saying that Hogan had no respect for him and wasn’t really Orndorff’s friend. Paul called Hogan but was told that Hulk was working out and couldn’t come to the phone. Orndorff was upset and spent their next match wrestling by himself to prove that he could do everything just as well as Hogan.

There was an interesting point in the match where Orndorff tried to slam King Kong Bundy but couldn’t quite do it. Hogan finally got the tag and easily slammed both Bundy and Big John Studd, which further infuriated Orndorff. He turned on Hogan post match and joined Heenan, who immediately praised Orndorff as the best wrestler in the world, which is all Orndorff wanted: some recognition. It was an oddly deep angle which a lot of people didn’t get the full measure of. Anyway, the first big showdown was at a massive house show called The Big Event.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Paul Orndorff

This is the hottest feud in the world as Orndorff had turned face to help Hogan with Piper and Orton but Hogan had more or less been a jerk (I don’t know about you but I’m STUNNED over that) to him and wouldn’t answer the phone when he was working out. Heenan then poked Orndorff into believing that Hogan didn’t ever care about him but that Heenan always would.

Orndorff, wanting to be accepted and not used, turned to the dark side and beat up Hogan at a big show to set up this which launched the hottest feud in perhaps ever at this point. This was the only reason that this whole show happened on such a huge stage, much like Hogan vs. Andre. The only difference here is that there wasn’t a Savage vs. Steamboat to balance it out. Also, Mania would have nearly 20,000 more people, or another Madison Square Garden on top of this. That’s just completely ridiculous.

They start off with just a big freaking brawl and the fans are WAY into this. This is more or less all punching and chasing until Heenan makes the stop and the heel takes over. Orndorff was a different kind of heel as instead of this big fat slob, he was small and athletic which was something new for Hogan. Also there were a lot of people that were siding with Orndorff as Hogan had really just been a massive jerk to him.

Ladd really likes kissing up to Hogan. He’s getting into Vince territory, but then again Hogan has muscles and Vince is way too obsessed with musclemen. GOOD NIGHT that referee is slow. Paul dominates until Hogan starts to Hulk Up. He uses a jumping knee to the back of Orndorff and the referee is crushed. Hogan imitates Orndorff with the arm in the air for the clothesline which is how Orndorff turned on him.

He goes for Orndorff’s piledriver but Heenan runs in with a wooden stool to blast Hogan in the head. Why he had that is beyond me. For no apparent reason the referee wakes up and taps Orndorff to say that Hogan wins by DQ. Hogan wakes up and kicks his teeth in for no apparent reason other than being a jerk. We get a replay with no commentary for no apparent reason before posing and credits take us out.

Rating: B-. This was all about the atmosphere and not about the match itself. Even still this was fine as both guys were over as heck in their respective roles and this was indeed a huge match. Hogan going over unclean was smart as it gave Orndorff a reason for a rematch which was required so all was fine here. I’m not sure I get why Paul was disqualified but it was Hogan’s world so there we are.

The feud would continue with Hogan turning to Roddy Piper of all people to help him fight the Heenan Family. From November 24, 1986.

Paul Orndorff/Harley Race vs. Hulk Hogan/Roddy Piper

These two teaming up together always feels wrong. Big brawl to start until Hogan and Piper clear the ring. The heels come back in so Hogan picks up Piper and uses his feet as a battering ram. Piper vs. Race officially gets us started. Off to Hulk and the place goes manic. They work on Race’s arm and it’s back to Piper for another big pop. Ok make it Hogan again. You know they work well together for mortal enemies.

They do look at each other with a bit of disdain and a lack of trust but if they didn’t it would be awful. Race headbutts his way out of trouble but still can’t bring Paul in. Back to Hulk and the arm work continues. The place is about to come unglued. Race finally gets in a belly to belly and knee drop to take over. Here’s Orndorff off the top and Piper is in trouble now.

The heels take turns on Piper and it’s off to a chinlock. This place is going to explode when Hogan gets the tag. Suplex keeps Roddy down and it’s off to Paul again. Race hammers away on Piper some more and headbutts him. Roddy stands still and looks like he’s about to fall down when he dives forward for the tag. That looked great. Race looks scared to death and Hogan pounds away. House is cleaned and he drops the leg but Orndorff saves. Heenan gets drilled and heel miscommunication lets Piper pin Race which counts for some reason.

Rating: C+. This is one of those matches where it’s about the atmosphere instead of the match itself. Piper and Hogan teaming together is still a weird sight and I’m not sure how well I like it. Still though, fun little match that blew the roof off MSG (that thing has to be in disrepair given how often it happens) which is the entire idea.

One more match between the two, from Saturday Night’s Main Event IX in the final blowoff.

WWF World Title: Paul Orndorff vs. Hulk Hogan

This is the first cage match on network TV apparently. Well that’s kind of cool. Paul has stolen Hogan’s music at this point which is such a great heel tactic and someone needs to steal it today. Hogan says it’s time for a new start but the cage is a dead end for Orndorff. His eyes are bugging out of his head so he’s liked coked half to death.

Today this would be the main event of a major PPV like the Rumble with ease, if not Mania. In other words, this was HUGE. Orndorff jumps him early and we’re off to the races. Jess says the winner is the new champion. Does that mean the title is vacant? There are two officials here so keep that in mind as it’ll come into play later. Orndorff gets over the top but Hogan grabs him by the hair, allowing Jesse to get my favorite of his lines ever: Hogan would not be champion if Mr. Wonderful was bald. The delivery of it is just great.

Jesse is oddly hypocritical here by saying anything goes in a cage but then complaining about Hogan choking with a bandana. Vince keeps calling Hogan Champion Hogan. He’s done it at least 5 times in as many minutes. Danny Davis, the future evil referee, has the door locked for Hogan but unlocked for Orndorff. In a rather stupid moment, Hogan blocks a shot into the cage and rams Orndorff in, but Hogan winds up going in as well. Weird.

We get to the famous finish as both guys climb up on opposite sides and hit the floor at the seemingly same time where Davis names Orndorff as referee but Marella (Gorilla Monsoon’s son in some not that well known trivia) says it was Hogan. Jesse and Vince got at it over this. Fink says it’s a tie so we’re going to continue!

One key thing here is Orndorff is taking it to Hogan. He’s not a bit afraid of Hogan at all and isn’t your traditional challenger as he’s smaller than Hogan. One thing I’ve always wondered: why doesn’t Orndorff throw Hogan in and then just step back out and win the title? Davis is taken away thanks to Hogan hitting him earlier. Hogan Hulks Up and beats the living tar out of Wonderful, just completely destroying him for a long time before a leg drop (set up by a backbreaker of all things) lets him get out. He beats up Heenan for fun afterwards as a total jerk since Heenan wasn’t even facing him.

Rating: B. You need the context of this match to get why it’s so good. This was the final blowoff to this feud that went on for at least half a year. It was the undisputed top feud in the company and drew a TON of money. Also keep in mind that this was the first televised cage match ever on national TV. It was a PPV-level main event on free TV so how could it not be huge? However, it was only the appetizer as soon after this, Hogan would get a trophy for being world champion for three years. Andre would get a smaller one for being undefeated for fifteen years. The Frenchman wasn’t happy with it.

Orndorff would be fired by Heenan soon after this and turn face again. Heenan sent his men after Orndorff, including this match against Rick Rude from MSG on November 24, 1987.

Paul Orndorff vs. Rick Rude

These two would be in the main event Survivor Series match. This is a return match as these two had been feuding for awhile. Orndorff had quit Heenan’s stable and was feuding with everyone in the Heenan Family. Orndorff’s manager is Oliver Humperdink, who probably won’t live to see the summer this year. Orndorff pulls him to the floor immediately and the brawl is on.

Back in the ring and Rude is knocked into the ropes which he falls through, getting his leg caught. Orndorff grabs a cord and wraps it around Rude’s throat. Rude is just a step ahead of a comedy heel here as he wouldn’t become a serious guy for a year and a half. Bockwinkel freaking over the cheating is funny stuff. Atomic drop and a clothesline put Rude down.

Rude finally gets a knee up to stop Paul’s momentum. It’s so hilarious to hear Bockwinkel defend Heenan as Heenan was Bockwinkel’s manager for the better part of eternity back in the AWA. Rude takes over with his basic offense including a chinlock. Heenan jumps on the mic and talks about how he hasn’t been doing anything wrong at all. Gorilla calls him out on it and Heenan’s rant is hilarious stuff.

While still in the chinlock Orndorff stands up and drops Rude backwards into an electric chair. Bockwinkel calls Gorilla out for his hypocrisy about picking on heel managers rather than face managers and Gorilla more or less blows him off. Rude takes over again and hits his punch off the top rope. We’re maybe seven minutes into this and Gorilla is talking about the twenty minute mark. I guess he’s just thinking ahead as there hasn’t been any clipping here.

Paul makes his comeback and hammers away to more or less no reaction. Back drop puts Rude down and pulls Rude up off a pin which all of the commentators agree was a bad idea. Clothesline hits and it’s time for the Piledriver. Heenan gets up on the apron and gets knocked down by Rude. He distracts Paul again and Rude rolls him up with the tights to end it.

Rating: C. Total run of the mill 80s match here which was just ok. I’ve never been a fan of Orndorff and this was just average, which is probably why I never was that big on him. Rude winning like that is fine as it keeps heat on him and it has Orndorff lose again which would eventually lead to him turning heel again and rejoining Heenan. Totally basic match.

Orndorff would take a break from wrestling almost immediately after this as he had badly injured his arm but was making $20,000 a week feuding with Hogan. He would make a comeback in WCW in 1990 though, as part of Sting’s Dudes With Attitude stable to feud with the Horsemen. Here’s one of his highest profile matches from the run, at Great American Bash 1990.

Dudes With Attitude vs. Horsemen

It’s Orndorff/JYD/El Gigante (making his debut) vs. Sid/Barry/Arn (TV Champion) and this is more of the Sting’s guys vs. Horsemen war. Arn vs. Paul gets us going. Sid comes in instead so Paul hip tosses everyone. He can’t backslide Sid though, or at least not until the JYD headbutts Sid down. Arn comes in to pound on Paul but he fights out of the corner. El Gigante comes in and everyone named after a Horse runs.

The Horsemen have a huddle but Orndorff pulls him back in for a beating from JYD. Gigante pulls back a fist and Anderson runs very fast as his eyes bug out. Windham comes in and JYD gets down on all fours to headbutt him a few times. Arn punches the Dog a few times and brings Barry back in. Windham DDTs Dog and hey he has a hard head. That’s a new one from him.

A not hot tag brings Orndorff in and he cleans a few rooms. The Dudes were never in any real trouble so there’s no heat on the tag. He loads up the piledriver on Anderson but Barry comes in off the top to break it up. The fans want Sid so he comes in for a chinlock. Everything breaks down and a lot of people are thrown over the top. The Horsemen run from Gigante and somewhere in there the Dudes win via DQ.

Rating: D. There was no point here other than to showcase Gigante. The problem with that is he’s just there for his look rather than anything resembling skill. Very boring match here and the fans didn’t care at all other than wanting the eternally popular Sid. This wouldn’t end anytime soon that I remember.

Orndorff would hit the indies for awhile and do nothing of note save for a decent run in OVW. He would come back to WCW in 1993 as a heel with one of his first major matches coming at SuperBrawl III.

Cactus Jack vs. Paul Orndorff

This is falls count anywhere and the winner gets to replace an injured Rick Rude in a match at an upcoming Clash of the Champions. Jack was completely revolutionary at the time as no one had seen anyone as nuts as he was. He had been there a year already though so it’s not like he was still new. This is more or less Cactus doing his thing while Orndorff just being there because he drew money six and a half years ago. Jack hits that sunset flip off the apron for two and we’re finally in the ring.

This is a huge brawl or what passes for a huge brawl in 1993. They fight into the crowd which was a new thing back then. This started over a number one contenders match. Jack takes a suplex where his back landed on the railing. That has to hurt like freaking goodness. Orndorff keeps going after the knee as this has been far better than I expected it to be, which wasn’t much at all. We get a figure four and apparently this isn’t no DQ. Ok, what the heck? What about all the weapons shots from earlier on? So a knee brace isn’t a foreign object? After a chair shot to the knee, Orndorff signals for a piledriver but Jack gets the shovel he’s been carrying around and a shot to the head gets the out of nowhere pin.

Rating: B-. It was good but the ending came out of freaking nowhere. I liked this more than I should have though. The key thing here though: the young guy goes over. In a year and a half when Hogan showed up that got reversed and it eventually is what killed WCW off. Orndorff wasn’t exactly the next Rick Rude.

The singles run didn’t do much good over the course of 1993 so Orndorff tried his hand as a tag wrestler with partner Paul Roma. The team of Pretty Wonderful would get a shot at the World Tag Team Titles at Bash at the Beach 1994.

Tag Titles: Pretty Wonderful vs. Kevin Sullivan/Cactus Jack

So, we’re pushing Orndorff, a Hogan friend, over Cactus Jack, because Orndorff at 45 is worth more and has a brighter future than Cactus Jack who is 32 here and still healthy. We can’t have people cutting edgy and cool promos because we need to use the same ones we used in the 80s so we don’t have to actually come up with something on our own, so let’s just get rid of Jack because he’s young and popular and over and talented and people want to watch him.

We don’t have time for that. WE HAVE BEEFCAKE!!! My freaking goodness Paul Roma sucks. We see a shot of Cactus with no teeth because I guess they were knocked out or something. Next of course he bites Orrdorff. I hate WCW at times. So let’s see. We have a young guy that is popular but doesn’t wrestle a standard style. What’s the solution to discredit him?

Let’s put him in the ring with Paul Roma and a guy in his mid 40s with one good arm and then blame him for how much it sucked! I wish I was making that up, but they gave these guys more time than Steamboat and Austin. They actually asked Paul Roma and Paul Orndorff to wrestle for twenty minutes and expected it to be good. I mean seriously, who thought this was going to work?

Why is Orndorff on the roster anymore here? This is what killed WCW in my eyes: the old guys that were friends of Hogan getting pushes while the future, as in Austin and Jack getting depushed and let go because Hogan can’t go at their level and the show would have been stolen from him if they had stayed. ANYWAY after twenty minutes of this Jack hits the double arm but Roma holds his foot down and Orndorff pops up and covers him, allowing another old finish to end it.

Rating: D. And that’s only because Foley is my favorite wrestler of all time and I won’t fail him. This was just moronic as you know they could tell this would be bad but they did it anyway. Not only did the Pauls hold the titles but they beat ANOTHER young team to get them back and then Roma and Orndorff just faded away like they were supposed to, but not before making Cactus look terrible and having him head to ECW along with Austin.

They would lose the belts to Stars and Stripes a few months later. Here’s the rematch at Halloween Havoc 1994.

Tag Titles: Stars N Stripes vs. Pretty Wonderful

Pretty Wonderful are the former champions here as Stars N Stripes beat them about a month earlier. Good night do those teams sound generic. Pretty Wonderful is made up of Pretty Paul Roma and Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff. Stars N Stripes are Bagwell and the Patriot. I really am not looking forward to this. This just sounds like a bad match on an indy show or something like that.

Heenan suggests that the Patriot is Al Gore. Something tells me that Bobby is going to be all that gets me through this match and show. Bagwell was a five time champion with four different partners. That either says he’s a great tag wrestler or he has no direction so they kept throwing him in random tag teams because he had a big contract and they had nothing else to do with him.

You can tell the announcers are just bored to death as they’re arguing over what a tag is and then there’s something about Dennis Rodman. This is just BORING. They actually say this is the last night Hogan will face Flair. That’s just hilarious. They wrestled 15 years later and likely will in TNA also. They discuss the Lions’ Super Bowl chances. This is just amusing. Nothing at all is going on in the match.

They say that Tiger Stadium and Yankee Stadium are the last great ballparks. The real last great ballparks are the ones still in use today: Fenway and Wrigley. Heenan says that once all of the matches are over, no one is going to take a shower because they’ll all be watching the cage match.

Ok, number one, why does Heenan know the showering habits of the wrestlers and why would no one take a shower after their match when they have about an hour and a half before the main event? How clean do they like to get? The fans are more or less dead for this by the way. Bagwell hits the suplex and Wonderful hits an elbow on him to get the titles. This was somehow worse than the previous match.

Rating: D-. I have never cared less about a match than I did here. I’ve always thought Bagwell was hot and there’s a former Horseman in there though so it’s not a failure. The announcers were bored too as this was just bland as all goodness. This really wasn’t a good time for the tag division and it would take Harlem Heat to fix a lot if its problems.

We’ll wrap it up with Orndorff’s last match as a regular competitor. From December 11, 1995 on Nitro.

Disco Inferno vs. Paul Orndorff

This would be Orndorff’s last match for over four years as his neck was just destroyed. Disco jumps him to start and let’s talk about Hogan and Sting. The idiocy of Hogan skipping Starrcade shines brighter every time he’s on television before the show. Orndorff unleashes the power of the 80s to take over and dances a bit. BIG belly to back suplex has Disco in trouble. Ok so it has him pinned.

Rating: N/A. Total filler here as it’s less than three minutes long and a suplex of all things ended it. See you later Paul.

Paul Orndorff is a guy that I really haven’t cared for over most of his career but he’s grown on me a good bit since then. He’s one of the toughest men you’ll ever find in wrestling and was INSANELY over as a heel back in 1986. The turn against Hogan drew crazy money and was the biggest feud in years. Unfortunately it was immediately followed by Hogan vs. Andre so no one remembers it. His WCW days weren’t the best but his time in the WWF was excellent.

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Wrestlemania XIV
Date: March 29, 1998
Location: Boston Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 19,028
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is what you call a changing of the guard show. For the last six months or so it’s been clear that Austin is ready for to be on the top of the mountain and tonight he ascends to the peak. Shawn Michaels is world champion but he has a broken back thanks to hitting his back on a casket thanks to the Undertaker. The main draw of the show though is Mike Tyson as the guest referee. I can’t emphasize enough how huge that was for WWF. Other than that we’ve got Kane vs. Undertaker in a battle of the monster brothers. This is a huge show to say the least. Let’s get to it.

Chris Warren of the DX Band sings an unnecessary rock/metal version of the Star Spangled Banner/America the Beautiful. Thankfully this is booed out of the building.

The opening video is about tradition and the new generation that has arrived here tonight. Tyson and DX are featured along with Austin, even though they’re fighting tonight. Even though they’re fighting tonight, they’re fighting over the same belt that Hogan and Andre fought over. That’s a great point actually.

Tag Team Battle Royal

Los Boricuas (Vega/Perez), Los Boricuas (Estrada/Castillo), Truth Commission (Recon/Sniper), Bradshaw/Chainz, Nation of Domination (Brown/Henry), Nation of Domination (Faarooq/Mustafa), Legion of Doom 2000, Quebecers, Rock N Roll Express, Headbangers, Too Much, Disciples of Apocalypse, Steve Blackman/Flash Funk, Godwinns, New Midnight Express

This is the format of if one member is eliminated then both are out and the winners get a title shot at sometime in the future. LOD returns as the fifteenth team with Sunny as their new (mouth watering) manager. It’s a big brawl to start because there are thirty people in the ring at once. One of the Boricuas is on the floor and is either hurt or is tying his shoe. It’s Savio and he’s helping his partner to the back.

The Truth Commission is out as Cornette and Sunny get in an argument. Barry Windham comes out and eliminates Chainz to tick off Bradshaw. Brown and the Quebecers are out as this is clearing out fast. The other Nation team is done too and there goes the Rock N Roll Express. The Headbangers are out and Mark Henry is still in despite his partner being gone. Ok now Henry is out and there goes Taylor to eliminate Too Much. We’ve still got the LOD, the Godwinns, the Midnights and the DOA. You can actually see the mat now.

The fans are completely behind the LOD as you would expect. Apparently the title match will be next month at Unforgiven. Things slow WAY down as Hawk runs over Henry Godwinn. The bikers (D.O.A.) are gone but they come back in to eliminate the Godwinns for fun. That leaves the returning L.O.D. against Bombastic Bob Holly and Bodacious Bart Gunn. Do I need to draw you a picture here?

Actually I do as the Godwinns come back in and blast Hawk and Animal with metal buckets. Animal is knocked to the floor so Hawk has to fight them both off on his own. Since this is the NEW Midnight Express, that’s about as hard as fighting off a paper bag. Animal comes back in and the Legion easily eliminates the Midnights to win.

Rating: D. As is the case with most battle royals with this many people in the ring, the majority of the match is spent clearing out the ring. Once we got down to a handful of teams left, it was clear who was going to win. That’s fine though, especially when the team is this popular. The tag division SUCKED at this point so bringing the L.O.D. in wasn’t the worst idea in the world.

CALL THE HOTLINE!

We get some clips of the events of Wrestlemania week in Boston, including the DX Public Workout where Austin got tied up in the ropes and Shawn kissed his head. Regis Philbin rubbed Austin’s head for some reason too.

Light Heavyweight Title: Taka Michinoku vs. Aguila

Taka is defending and is pretty much the only wrestler in the division worth anything due to WCW having every luchador and smaller Japanese guy of note under contract. Aguila is Spanish for eagle in case you’re not familiar with El Espanol. He would later take his mask off and be called Essa Rios. No one would care about him though until he got a hot redheaded manager named Lita and then people only cared about her. They shake hands to start and we’re ready to go.

Aguila hits a headscissors to start and a spin kick to send Taka to the floor. A HUGE moonsault press to the floor takes out Taka. Rios never was great but he had one of the most beautiful moonsaults you would ever see. They fight to the apron where Taka throws him back in then dropkicks him to the floor. There’s a GREAT springboard dive to take Aguila out as they’re flying very high so far.

After a quick word from the Spanish announcers, Taka hits a low dropkick for two. Aguila comes back by throwing Taka out to the floor and armdragging the champion off the top rope as he comes back in. A springboard into another armdrag puts Taka down and there’s the running up the corner wristlock that Sin Cara uses to send Taka to the floor. Aguila hits a corkscrew dive to take the champion out again and the stupid northeast crowd doesn’t care. Well screw them because this is awesome so far.

Back in and Michinoku misses a corkscrew dive but Aguila hits a moonsault for two. Taka fights up and hits a smack to the face to put Aguila on his knees. A splash hits knees though and Aguila puts Michinoku back on the top. Aguila hits a big old rana off the top for no cover, allowing Taka to come back with a knee in the chest. A missile dropkick puts Aguila down as does a powerbomb, but Taka misses a moonsault. Aguila dives into a dropkick though and the Michinoku Driver retains the title.

Rating: B. This started VERY fast and while it was clear they got tired by the end, this was still great stuff. It’s not quite Mysterio/Guerrero/Psychosis level stuff but it beats anything else WWF was putting on with this division. Taka was the right choice for the inaugural champion, but he kept the title WAY too long and that’s why the division died. Well among the other reasons I mentioned earlier.

Gennifer Flowers, some chick from the a Bill Clinton scandal, interviews the Rock. First off, what would you do if you were leader of this country Rock? “Well Genny, the term leader is a bit beneath the Rock. Let’s go with……..ruler.” Ok, so how would the Ruler handle the country’s homeless situation? “Well it’s like this: as long as the Rock still has his palace in Miami and those homeless pieces of trash keep their cardboard boxes off the Rock’s freshly mowed grass, everything will be copacetic.”

As for the judicial system, everything will be just fine as long as the people know he’s the judge and the jury. After looking at Gennifer, he makes sure to point out it would be a hung jury, if you smell what he’s cooking (there’s a chance that’s the debut of that line but I don’t think it is). As for the White House, it’s a tough job to run but as long as all the interns underneath the Rock don’t do anything “orally” wrong, everything will be fine. This was HILARIOUS and one of the funniest promos Rock has ever had.

European Title: HHH vs. Owen Hart

HHH gets played to the ring by the DX Band and is defending here. This would be about four months after Owen returned as the only remaining Hart and attacked Shawn, but we couldn’t have Owen vs. Shawn on PPV so let’s feed Owen to HHH instead. Chyna is handcuffed to the worst authority figure ever, Sgt. Slaughter, during this match. Owen has a bad ankle coming in thanks to an attack by HHH.

The brawl is on to start and HHH is backdropped down quickly. Hart fires away right hands in the corner and a standing rana gets two. Owen is sent to the floor but Chyna can’t interfere. HHH tries to dive at the Canadian but hits the barricade instead, keeping the advantage in Owen’s favor. Back in and he loads up the Sharpshooter but HHH pokes him in the eye. There’s a facebuster and a clothesline to put Owen down and HHH finally gets a breather.

The high knee gets two for the champion as does a knee drop. Are you noticing a pattern with this offense? Back up and Owen charges into a boot in the corner but HHH hits a DDT to break Owen’s momentum and get a two count at the same time. HHH finally starts going after the bad ankle as Lawler cackles. Owen is bleeding from the bridge of his nose as HHH takes him down again.

There’s another leg hold as Jerry is very happy to see a Hart in pain. HHH stomps on the bad ankle as the nose is busted even worse now. Owen comes back with some right hands before dropping down in the corner and crotching HHH ala Mr. Perfect. A missile dropkick gets two for the challenger as does a spinwheel kick. There’s the enziguri to put HHH down but Owen can’t follow up.

Hart eventually gets two as we get about our third loudly called spot of the match. HHH powerbombs Owen to counter a rana for two of his own. Owen goes up top and hits a cross body for two more. A Pedigree and Sharpshooter attempt are both blocked but Owen falls face first on HHH’s crotch for two. Another Pedigree attempt is countered and the Sharpshooter goes on in the middle of the ring.

Chyna, despite being handcuffed to the commissioner, manages to pull HHH to the ropes. See? I told you Slaughter was really bad at his job. There’s some powder in Slaughter’s face which allows Chyna to hit Owen low. The Pedigree retains the title for HHH as Slaughter continues to be incompetent.

Rating: D+. The match was watchable but not much more than that. HHH going over was questionable but he would become the new leader of DX the next night so maybe there was something to it. Also, it’s not like Owen wasn’t used to getting jobbed out anyway. Slaughter was laughably bad at his job so at least we had that to laugh at.

Chyna decks Slaughter post match.

Buy the new Austin shirt! Oh don’t worry: A LOT of people did that.

We recap Mero/Sable against Goldust/Luna. This was a weird feud as Mero had been a total jerk to Sable for months as he thought she was hogging the spotlight. Then Luna and Goldie went after her so for about a week, Mero was the gallant hero standing up for her honor.

The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust/Luna Vachon vs. Marc Mero/Sable

The guys start things off with Mero hitting a fast headscissors and a clothesline. Off to the women folk but Luna wants to fight Mero. She gets Sable instead and Luna runs away instead of fighting. We get a lap around the ring and the men come back in before we get any contact. Goldie gets backdropped by Mero and kicked in the ribs by Sable for good measure. Luna won’t tag in so it’s back to Mero so that the genitals match.

Mero pounds away on Goldust in the corner but gets clotheslined down to change control. A quick cross body gets two for Marc but Goldust hits an uppercut to put him right back down. The fans chant for Sable as the men collide. A double tag brings in the girls and Sable spears Luna down. She pounds away and kicks Luna in the corner before bealing her across the ring.

Sable pounds on Goldust as well but it’s back to Mero who doesn’t fare as well. With Sable trying to get back in, Mero hits Goldust low but can’t hit the TKO. Instead Goldust counters into a DDT for two but he can’t hook the Curtain Call. Mero hits a running knee lift and a moonsault press for two. Goldust goes up but gets crotched, setting up a top rope rana by Mero for two.

Marc threatens to hit Luna and ducks just in time to make the heels collide. The TKO on Goldust gets two more as Luna makes the save. Sable tags herself in and covers Goldust but has to avoid a splash from Luna. A Sable Bomb gets two on Luna and she’s back up in seconds. Not that it matters as the TKO (it’s a cutter out of a fireman’s carry) from Sable ends Luna a few seconds later.

Rating: C. This was WAY better than I was expecting it to be. The saddest part of this match though was what happened after: in the back Sable had praise heaped onto her while Luna was basically ignored. Sable could barely do anything in the ring while Luna was a seasoned veteran who received no credit for her work with Sable. Only Owen Hart congratulated her on her success. That’s rather sad when you think about it.

Jeff Jarrett brings out Gennifer Flowers to be at ring announcer for the next match.

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

This is just after the debut of the new name for Rocky Maivia and he’s defending. He’s also in the Nation of Domination. Flowers isn’t very good at this but she’s trying at least. A few weeks ago on Raw, Shamrock was beating up D’Lo Brown but Rock came out for the save. He hit Shamrock in the head with a chair shot that would get John Cena fired today. He also hit Faarooq, the leader of the Nation, in the head “by mistake. I’m sure.

Shamrock immediately attacks to start and Rocky is in trouble. A clothesline puts the champion on the floor and Rock tries to walk out. Shamrock sends him into the barricade but has to stop the count, allowing Rock to get in some shots of his own. Apparently if Rock gets disqualified he loses the title. Back in and a kick to the chin puts the champion down and Shamrock rams Rock’s head into the mat a few times.

Back to the floor again, this time with Shamrock going into the steps to give Rock his first extended advantage. There’s the yet to be named People’s Elbow for two but Shamrock throws Rock out to the floor again. Ken gets a chair but stops to shove the referee down, allowing Rock to get the chair and CRACK Shamrock’s head with it. That gets two and there’s a powerslam by Shamrock. The ankle lock changes the title out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. This was too fast paced to work that well but Shamrock’s insanity worked really well here. Rocky would move on to the feud that launched him to the stars against HHH soon after this while Shamrock would fight various people until heading to the Corporation late in the year. Decent match but too short to mean much.

Post match Shamrock goes after Rock even more but here’s the Nation. Shamrock easily suplexes Henry down and puts Rock back in the ankle lock. This brings out Faarooq who won’t get in the ring to help his Nation teammate Rock. Shamrock keeps the ankle lock on Rock for a bit before finally letting it go. Instead he beats up referees, which causes the original referee to reverse his decision and give Rock the title back. Gah with the Dusty Finishes. With nothing to lose, Shamrock destroys Rock even more and holds up the title.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Cactus Jack/Chainsaw Charlie

This is a dumpster match which is a casket match with a dumpster. The Outlaws are defending because two months ago they put Cactus and Funk (Charlie is Terry Funk) in a dumpster and shoved it off the stage. Billy and Roadie are about 24 hours from joining DX so they’re not quite what they would become yet. It’s a brawl to start (were you expecting anything else?) and there’s a dumpster at ringside to put a team inside.

Cactus and Roadie trade shots to the head as Billy chokes Funk. Jack tries to charge off the apron at Roadie but gets sent into the side of the dumpster instead. Funk goes into the barricade as the champions are controlling early on. They backdrop Terry into the dumpster but he escapes before Jack can be put inside with him. That’s fine with the Outlaws as they drape both challengers over the edge of the dumpster and slam the lids over the backs of both guys.

Both challengers are put back inside but Jack grabs stereo Mandible Claws to stop the Outlaws’ momentum. We head back inside and Road Dogg gets caught by some neckbreakers before Jack and Billy head to the floor again. The Cactus Elbow with a cookie sheet crushes Gunn and it’s ladder time. Back in and Cactus goes up on top of the ladder along with Billy, onto to have Terry knocked into the ladder, sending both guys on top of it into the dumpster. Cactus climbs out as Terry is powerbombed into the dumpster.

The three remaining people fight into the back and Cactus is rammed into various metal objects. Now he goes into some large (as in 6’0) bottles of Surge and Powerade but Cactus comes back with double arm DDT onto a forklift. Funk pops back in and raises the Outlaws up on the forklift and drops them in another dumpster for the titles.

Rating: C. This was a garbage match (literally) but it was a fun brawl and the good guys got their revenge on the guys that injured them in the first place. What more can you ask for from a match like this, which was the third biggest on the card? Later it would be decided that the title change didn’t count because that was the wrong dumpster, leading to a cage rematch the next night with the Outlaws regaining the belts and joining DX.

Unforgiven is in Greensboro, North Carolina.

We recap Kane vs. Undertaker. This dates back to last summer, when Bearer claimed that Undertaker burned down his parents’ funeral home, burning his brother Kane to deah. One night Undertaker was beating up Paul Bearer but Bearer claimed that Undertaker’s brother was alive. At Bad Blood, Kane interfered in the first Hell in a Cell match and cost Taker the match, much to Undertaker’s shock. Kane wanted to fight Taker but the Dead Man kept saying no. Kane went on a path of destruction throughout the company but Taker wouldn’t fight him.

Undertaker got a title shot at the Rumble and a week before the show, the brothers seemed to bond. Then at the Rumble itself, Kane turned on his brother and locked him in a casket, which was then set on fire. A few weeks later, Undertaker came back and said he would fight Kane at Wrestlemania. This led to a moment I’ve always loved as Taker was on top of the Titantron and sent a bolt of lightning down at a casket, lighting it on fire. It fell apart, revealing a Kane mannequin inside which burned to end Raw. This is a HUGE deal and almost the co main event.

Here’s Pete Rose to be ring announcer. After getting a warm reception, Pete turns heel on the audience and rips on them for losing for so long. Pete sounds a bit drunk here but not too bad. He makes fun of the Red Sox and there go the lights, cuing Kane. We debut a three year long running joke of Kane beating up Pete, this time with a Tombstone, sending the crowd into delirium. There go the lights and it’s time for the mother of all Undertaker entrances. Druids come out carrying torches and we hear music that sounds like Gregorian chanting. Undertaker walks out under a tunnel of fire and we’re ready to go. AWESOME.

Undertaker vs. Kane

There’s the bell and they stare each other down before Taker pounds away with no effect. Kane shrugs them off and LAUNCHES Undertaker into the corner but Taker is too quick. Kane comes back with a clothesline but Taker immediately sits up. A tombstone doesn’t work for Kane so he puts Taker in the Tree of Woe and stomps away. This is only Kane’s second match in the company to date so we don’t have a lot to go on with him.

A clothesline in the corner puts Undertaker down again as Bearer talks trash. Kane draps him over the top rope and there’s a forearm to the back of the head. Back in and Kane pounds away in the corner but Undertaker covers up. Taker gets a running start at Kane and winds up on the red one’s shoulders, only to be (kind of) slammed face first into the mat. They head to the floor with Taker being dropped face first onto the barricade. A Paul Bearer distraction lets Kane drop the steps onto his brother’s back.

Paul gets in some stompings before Kane suplexes Taker back in. Taker says bring it on and hits a few clotheslines, only to charge into a chokeslam for two as Kane pulls his brother up. We hit the chinlock for over a full minute before Undertaker fights up with punches to the ribs. A back elbow puts him back down though and an elbow drop sets up another chinlock by Kane. Taker fights out of that one as well, only to try to crotch Kane on the top rope. That doesn’t quite work though as Kane bounces on the top rope and falls to the floor.

Instead here’s a Taker Dive but Kane throws him through the Spanish Announce Table in a spectacular crash. Back in and the top rope clothesline gets two for Kane and Bearer is shocked. Taker loads up a Tombstone out of nowhere but gets countered into one by his brother but it only gets two. Kane is TICKED so they slug it out with Taker getting the better of it.

A clothesline puts Kane down and there’s a chokeslam by Undertaker. The Tombstone hits Kane but it only gets two. You can hear the fans gasp at the kickout. There’s another Tombstone but THAT just gets two so Taker goes up for a top rope clothesline. The third Tombstone FINALLY ends it, even though Kane would have been up at 3.1.

Rating: C-. I’ve heard this called terrible and yeah it’s bad, but it’s definitely not horrible. They would have been better suited cutting out about two minutes but even without that missing this was still a solid power match. It was clear they were getting winded by the end, but this is one of the matches where the crowd carried things. There’s nothing wrong with that and it worked well here. Nowhere near as bad as I remembered it.

Post match Kane lays out Undertaker again, blasting him with a chair a few times. A tombstone on the chair leaves Taker out cold.

We recap Austin vs. Michaels. Austin was the hottest thing in the history of ever and it was a matter of time until he won the world title. Mike Tyson was brought in to referee the main event and joined DX to desperately convince people that Austin had a prayer’s chance of losing here. Austin’s neck is basically being held together by tape while Michaels’ back isn’t that lucky, so expect a lot of easy brawling here.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Steve Austin

We get the always awesome shot of the guys walking from the back to the ring. Mike Tyson is guest enforcer on the floor and there’s a regular referee in the ring. JR: “Folks, it don’t get no bigger than this.” They circle each other to start and there’s a double bird for HBK. Shawn pops him with a left hand and does it again a few seconds later. The champion runs away but gets caught back inside as Austin pounds away and pulls Shawn’s tights down to give the girls a thrill.

A backdrop puts Shawn on the floor but HHH gets in a shot to Austin’s back. He sends Austin into the barricade which gets both him and Chyna ejected. Austin beats up HHH in the aisle but it lets Michaels get in a shot to take over. Shawn sends Austin into the dumpster shoulder first and we head back to the ring. The challenger comes back with right hands and there’s a Flair Flip which must feel like murder for Shawn.

The Stunner is countered as Shawn bails to the apron, only to get knocked onto the still standing announce table. Back in and the Austin elbow gets two and we hit the chinlock so Shawn can get his back pain down to only pure agony. Back up and Shawn hits a jawbreaker to give himself a breather. Shawn heads to the floor and it’s clear he can barely move. He tries to wrap Austin’s leg around the post but gets pulled face first into it instead.

Shawn comes back with a backdrop to put Austin into the crowd and there’s a bell shot for good measure. Back in and Shawn lays in some right hands but he can barely move other than that. The fans chant Holyfield to tick off Tyson for no apparent reason. More punching by Shawn but he can’t even bend over to pick up Austin’s legs. Austin comes back with a double leg trip and rapid fire punches to Shawn’s face before sending Michaels back to the floor.

This time though the tripping up works and Austin’s leg is wrapped around the post. It gets wrapped a few more times and we head back inside for some basic leg work. A figure four is countered and Austin kicks him shoulder first into the post. Shawn comes right back with another shot to the knee though before cannonballing down onto it for good measure. A chop block puts Steve down and there’s a very ginger figure four by the champion. After Shawn cheats any way he can, Austin turns the hold over to escape.

Michaels gets caught in a slingshot to send him into the post for two but he comes back with a sleeper. The referee gets crushed in the counter as Shawn is dropped face first onto the buckle again. Austin sends him into the corner and stomps a mudhole but Shawn comes back with the flying forearm. Michaels nips up to blow my mind before dropping the big elbow. He tunes up the band but Austin ducks. The Stunner doesn’t work but neither does another superkick attempt. The Stunner hits, Tyson slides in for the pin and Austin claims his destiny.

Rating: B+. Considering how messed up the two of them were, this was nothing short of a miracle. Shawn was literally wrestling with a broken back and Austin’s neck was close enough that you could say it was broken too. This was a great match and a great way to send Austin to the top of the company, as he beats the previous top guy and the torch is passed. At this point, no one thought Shawn would ever wrestle again so this was a great way to go out. This match is also the definition of “match where everyone and their mother knew what was going to happen and it was the 100% correct call”.

We get the famous line from JR of “The Austin Era has begun!” as Austin gets the belt for the first time. He poses on the ropes in another famous visual before handing Tyson an Austin shirt. Shawn is ticked off at Tyson and gets in his face so Tyson lays him out with a right hand (JR: “TYSON! TYSON! TYSON! RIGHT HAND! DOWN GOES MICHAELS!”). Massive celebrating ends the show.

Overall Rating: B. This is a pretty solid show and a good example of a shot that doesn’t fit with the individual parts that it had if that makes sense. The main event is by far the best, but this was much more about atmosphere and buildup. The good guys went over in every major match and only the Rock match had a screwy finish. Tonight’s show was about giving the fans what they were supposed to get and sometimes that’s the right move. This show finally launched WWF over the hump and put them on top in the Monday Night Wars, where they would basically stay forever (minus about six weeks in the fall

Ratings Comparison

Tag Team Battle Royal

Original: D-

Redo: D

Taka Michinoku vs. Aguila

Original: D+

Redo: B

HHH vs. Owen Hart

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Marc Mero/Sable vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust/Luna Vachon

Original: C

Redo: C

The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Original: C+

Redo: C-

New Age Outlaws vs. Cactus Jack/Chainsaw Charlie

Original: C+

Redo: C

Kane vs. Undertaker

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B+

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: B

I have no idea what I was thinking on the second and third matches.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/21/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-14-everything-changes-forever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

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Today is one of the most naturally talented wrestlers of all time: Ricky Steamboat.

Ricky Steamboat got his start in the territories back in the 70s. He was named after a popular wrestler named Sam Steamboat which was a common practice back in the day. Why it’s not done today I’m not sure as there are always real second generation guys brought in, so why not make it up? Steamboat’s first major exposure was in a feud with Ric Flair for the Mid-Atlantic TV Title, primarily due to this match from June 15, 1977 in Raleigh.

TV Title: Ric Flair vs. Ricky Steamboat

Flair is defending and takes him into the corner to start before hammering on the chest. Flair’s tag partner Greg Valentine is on commentary and bragging about how awesome Flair is. Ric backs up into the corner and goes up top, only to be slammed down in a tradition that goes all the way back to 1977. Steamboat is all fired up but walks into an atomic drop for two. The champion gets chopped across the ring and things slow down a lot. A sunset flip gets two for Steamboat but Flair starts going after the knee.

Ric hammers away with right hands but Steamboat kicks him in the ribs to escape. A dropkick gets two on Flair and we take a break. Back with Steamboat in control as Valentine admits that Steamboat is a lot better than he expected. Flair comes back with a suplex and a WOO but an elbow drop is only good for two. Valentine FREAKS as Steamboat chops away but they ram heads and Ricky falls outside. He comes back in with a top rope ax handle for the pin and the title in a BIG upset.

Rating: C+. Both guys were still young at this point and the match was more energetic than some of their others as a result. Steamboat got a good reaction from the crowd and the place went nuts when he got the pin. Of course they would have more famous matches down the line but it’s cool to see stuff like this.

We’ll jump ahead a bit to 1980 and a match from All Japan.

Ricky Steamboat vs. The Sheik

That’s the original Sheik, not the Iron version. Ricky hits three quick dropkicks to put Sheik down and the wild man bails into the crowd. Steamboat has a tiny mustache here which just doesn’t work for him. Back in and Sheik pounds away in the corner before taking it to the floor to keep up the brawling. Ricky slams him into the barricade and hits him with the mic a few times as a bunch of people surround them and block the view.

Sheik chokes a bit but gets punched in the face before a top rope chop to the head puts Sheik down. Ricky has already drawn blood as is the Sheik’s custom. They head into the crowd for more brawling until Sheik sets up a table at ringside. Steamboat slams him face first into the wood and they get inside for a change, only to have Sheik go after the referee. Ricky puts on a sleeper but the bell rings for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was barely a match but it’s always cool to see Steamboat doing something completely different like this. Sheik was the original wild man and would train his nephew Sabu. There was no way this wasn’t going to be a DQ with all the insanity out there and there’s nothing wrong with that.

We’ll head back stateside now where Steamboat formed a tag team with Jay Youngblood. They would challenge the Brisco Brothers for the World Tag Team Titles at Starrcade 1983.

Tag Titles: Ricky Steamboat/Jay Youngblood vs. Brisco Brothers

 

The Brothers would be Jerry, who you might remember as one of Vince’s Stooges in the Attitude Era and the legendary former world champion Jack. They’re defending here against the guys they took the belts from. Jack and Steamboat start things off in what sounds like a dream match. It’s a feeling out process to start with neither guy being able to get any kind of advantage to start. Steamboat does some fast leapfrogs but Brisco grabs the ropes to avoid a chop. Mosca, the big guy mentioned earlier, is referee here.

 

Jerry comes in to work on the arm for a bit before it’s back to Jack for an armbar. Jerry comes in again and pounds away in the corner but Ricky chops him down and tags in Jay. Youngblood counters a slam into an armdrag on Jerry before bringing Steamboat back in to pound on the arm as well. Jay jumps off the top onto the arm as well but it’s off to Jack again to drop Steamboat throat first onto the top rope.

 

A quick suplex gets two for Jerry and he hooks a short armscissors to keep Ricky in trouble. Ricky escapes in an impressive power display by lifting him off the mat and dropping him down on his back. Hot tag brings in Jay and things break down. The Briscos double team Youngblood to take over again but Jerry can only get two off a suplex. Jerry tries his abdominal stretch cradle but Jay kicks out again. He tries again but rolls Jay into the corner for another tag to Steamboat and the future dragon cleans house. A double chop puts Jerry down and Steamboat slams Jay down onto Jerry for the pin and the titles.

 

Rating: C+. Nice tag match here to give Steamboat and Youngblood their fifth tag titles. Yeah even back then there were teams who would get a bunch of titles in just a few years. Anyway, the Briscos would be retired soon after this while Youngblood would die in 1985 due to injuries suffered in the match. Good stuff here though.

Ricky would be one of three men that wrestled at both the first Starrcade and Wrestlemania (the others being Roddy Piper and Greg Valentine. Bob Orton Jr. appeared at both but didn’t wrestle at Wrestlemania), so here’s his match from the original Wrestlemania.

Matt Borne vs. Ricky Steamboat

Borne is the Maniac so I have another name to use. Steamboat is looking chiseled here. I’ve never seen him so ripped up and it’s a strange look on him. Also he isn’t called the Dragon yet which is even odder to hear. Ricky speeds things up to start and chops Borne down before hitting a chinlock only about 40 seconds in.

Off to a headlock instead with Steamboat backflipping over Borne twice with the second time resulting in an atomic drop. Back to the headlock which is shifted into a front facelock but Borne comes back with a snap suplex for two. Ricky is like dude I’m Ricky Steamboat and suplexes Borne down, followed by a swinging neckbreaker. A shoulder block puts Borne down and the cross body ends this near squash clean.

Rating: D+. Eh it’s Steamboat in the 80s so how bad can this be? Ricky wasn’t a huge star yet but he was rapidly becoming known as something special. It would be another year or so before he started tearing the house down on a regular basis and started having his masterpieces. Borne would be a lot better when he had a gimmick to go with his skills.

One of Steamboat’s first major feuds in the WWF was against Jake Roberts, culminating in a Snake Pit match at the Big Event in August of 1986.

Jake Roberts vs. Ricky Steamboat

This is a Snakepit Match meaning anything goes. Roberts had DDTed Steamboat on the floor at a SNME and nearly killed him to ignite this feud which was the second biggest of the summer. Dragon had busted out a Komodo Dragon to counter Damien but neither are here tonight due to customs issues. The two commentators that talk say that the Canadian flag has an oak leaf on it.

Dragon dominates until we hit the floor where Jake takes over after a low blow. Steamboat gets a few chair shots in and that just was weird to type. Dragon just beats the tar out of him for awhile but gets reversed and goes over the top to the floor. Valiant thinks Roberts is a champion for some reason. Roberts is one of those guys that was supposed to be a heel but more or less became a face through just pure fan support.

Dragon starts bleeding after going into the post but fights out of the DDT. Jake is dominating now and getting face pops for it. And then he sits on Dragon’s chest and holds his arm up and you know the rest. They would have another match in a few weeks on SNME with the animals that I reviewed last night to close out the feud.

Rating: B. This was a very intense match. Street fights and the like simply didn’t happen in this era so this was insane at the time. Both guys were great workers so this worked out very well. Steamboat was about to have his throat messed up by Savage and you know the aftermath of that.

Soon after that, Randy Savage would crush Steamboat’s throat across the barricade and puts Ricky on the shelf for months. He would return on Saturday Night’s Main Event, setting up a showdown at Wrestlemania III in one of the most famous matches of all time.

Intercontinental Title: Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat

The fans give an audible pop for Savage which even the announcers have to acknowledge. George Steele comes out to back up Steamboat and show off that green tongue. They shove each other around a few times before Randy takes an early breather. Savage misses a back elbow and Steamboat hits a pair of those perfect armdrags of his. Randy is lifted into the air via a choke and it’s back to the floor.

Back in and Savage gets in his first shot before sending Ricky into the buckle. Steamboat immediately comes back by grabbing the wrist and lifting Savage into the air. Savage comes back with an elbow to the face before sending Steamboat over the top and out to the floor. Randy starts going after the throat but has to stop to try to get his left arm working again. Steamboat sends him into the buckle and chops away, sending Savage into the ropes.

With the champion tied up, Steamboat fires away with a vengeance. Savage gets loose and Ricky hits a cross body for two, kicking off one of the fastest sets of near falls you’ll EVER see. Randy finally slows him down with a knee to the back and a toss over the ropes, only to have Ricky skin the cat. Savage throws him out again and knocks him into the crowd for good measure. The top rope ax handle keeps Steamboat down even longer and Savage is in full control.

Savage hits a clothesline for two which Gorilla doesn’t like. Gorilla: “That could be a disqualification.” Jesse: “For what?” Gorilla: “Intentional.” Jesse: “Well of course it was intentional!” Gorilla could find some weird stuff to complain about at times. After a pair of Savage suplexes for two, Ricky starts firing back and sends Savage out to the floor. A top rope chop gets two for the challenger and they speed things up all over again.

We get another chase on the floor followed by a sunset flip by the Dragon for two. They trade ANOTHER great pinfall reversal sequence as Jesse declares this one of the greatest matches he’s ever seen. A slingshot sends Savage face first into the post and there’s a sunset flip for two for the Dragon. Savage reverses an O’Connor Roll with a handful of tights for two. Randy uses the tights again and sends Dragon shoulder first into the post.

They reverse an Irish whip and the referee gets bumped. Randy hits another clothesline and drops the big elbow but there’s no referee. Savage goes to get the bell but Steele takes it away. That earns the Animal a kick in the head so he shoves Savage off the top. Steamboat is back up and famously counters a slam into a small package for the pin and the title.

Rating: A+. This is the greatest match of all time so what do you expect me to give it. I’m amazed at how well this holds up nearly 26 years later as there is nothing wrong with it at all. The story goes that these two practiced this match at Savage’s house for three months beforehand and it shows. Not a thing is even close to screwed up and they’re so fast out there it’s unbelievable. How anyone can say this is anything but perfect astounds me to this day. If you haven’t seen this before, watch it now and take notes.

Steamboat would drop the title only a few months later but he would still make it into the WWF Title tournament at Wrestlemania IV.

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Greg Valentine vs. Ricky Steamboat

Should be good. Steamboat brings the future Richie Steamboat to the ring with him in matching outfits. Feeling out process to start with Steamboat taking him down via an armdrag. Gorilla says Ricky has excellence of execution to coin a phrase. A few shoulders get two on Valentine so he throws Steamboat over the top. That of course doesn’t work on the Dragon so he comes back with a dropkick and a crucifix for two.

Valentine comes back with his usual elbows and forearms to put Steamboat down. He pulls Steamboat off the ropes so Ricky drops onto the back of his head. This allows Gorilla to bust out the term “external occipital protuberance”, to which Jesse replies “THE WHAT?” The voice Ventura says that in is hilarious. Apparently it’s that little bump on the back of your head. Steamboat reverses a suplex into one of his own and hooks an armbar. Jimmy Hart goes a rant of instructions to the Hammer which is such a lost art in wrestling.

Steamboat gets dropped on the back of his head, allowing for another discussion of whatever that thing is called. Gorilla: “External occipital protuberance.” Jesse: “Oh ok. Back of the head for all you normal people back there.” Valentine pounds away with elbows as Gorilla says they’re “right in the kisser, right between the eyes.” His biology knowledge is all over the place. Donald Trump is in the front row. Steamboat comes back with some chops for two but Greg puts him right back down with a gutbuster.

Valentine goes after the leg but the Figure Four is broken up. They chop it out with Steamboat taking over, only to charge into a boot in the corner. Valentine hits a top rope forearm but still can’t put the Figure Four on. Steamboat hits an elbow to the face and a top rope chop for two. He rams Valentine into the corner ten times and shoves the referee away when he tries to break it up. Ricky goes up and hits the cross body but Valentine rolls through to eliminate Steamboat.

Rating: C+. Like I said, decent stuff here although Steamboat would be gone pretty much immediately over wanting to take some time off. Vince said no so Ricky left wrestling for about nine months. Anyway, good stuff here from two guys that know how to work whatever kind of a match you ask them to. Valentine was great in a role like this where he wasn’t going to win anything but he could fill in a spot and do just fine.

Soon after this, Ricky would leave the company and head back to the NWA in 1989 for a feud with Ric Flair. Steamboat would win the World Title at Chi-Town Rumble in February 1989. This set up a rematch at Clash of the Champions 6 in a 2/3 falls match for Steamboat’s title.

NWA World Title: Ric Flair vs. Ricky Stemboat

 

Ricky is defending and this is 2/3 falls with a sixty minute time limit. Ross tells us that this was supposed to be Luger vs. Jack Victory but the card has been changed so we can see the match people are interested in. Terry Funk replaces Hayes on commentary. The video screen behind the entrance says “Rick” Flair, which is probably the only time you’ll see that spelling. Ricky has his son in a dragon costume for a cute moment.

 

Feeling out process to start with Ric slapping him in the face and getting the blonde stared out of his hair. They take it to the mat with Steamboat getting a very brief advantage until Flair makes it to the ropes. Back up and Steamboat slaps him in the face for good measure. Flair grabs a top wristlock but Ricky overpowers him into the ropes again. The challenger gets inside again but gets taken down by a headlock at the five minute mark.

 

Ricky gets up and starts running the ropes, sending Flair down to the mat. Steamboat outsmarts him though and stops on a dime, dropping down into the headlock again. Flair fights up and takes him into the corner for some hard chops but Steamboat comes back with a flying headscissors and a dropkick. Back to the headlock to slow the match down before Steamboat drops some knees to the head.

 

Flair drives him into the corner but gets dropkicked down again. Ric seems to just be trying to hang with Steamboat here instead of beating him. Ten minutes in now with Flair begging off in the corner. An O’Connor roll gets two for the champion and a flying headlock takeover puts Flair down again. Ricky starts going after the arm to set up his double chickenwing submission later in the match. Flair gets chopped out of the corner and flops down onto his face for two.

 

We hit the headlock again but this time Flair scores with an atomic drop to escape. Steamboat will have none of that and chops Ric down to the floor. Ross tells us that the two remaining matches tonight will air over the weekend if there’s no time tonight. I love little things like that as they keep some sense of logic to the show instead of just acting like those matches never happened.

 

Fifteen minutes in now and Flair turns it up a notch with the chops. Steamboat chops him even harder though and drops Flair with a suplex, only for his splash to land on Ric’s knees. A double stomp to Steamboat’s stomach gives Flair a target and he does his best to hold Steamboat’s shoulders down for a pin. Back up again and they fight over a test of strength until Steamboat misses a dropkick. Flair tries the Figure Four but gets countered into a small package, only to counter Ricky into a small package for the quick pin and the first fall. The first fall alone would be nothing short of a classic.

 

They circle each other to start the second fall as the fans are WAY into this. A quick gorilla press from Ricky sets up a top rope chop to the head for two. Flair takes him right back down with a suplex and walks around for a bit before missing a knee drop. Steamboat drops about sixteen straight elbows on the knee before throwing on a Figure Four of his own. Flair finally makes the ropes but Steamboat immediately puts him in a Boston crab at the twenty five minute mark.

 

Flair gets under the ropes and screams for mercy as the hold is broken. Terry says go back to the leg but Steamboat chops instead and gets taken down by a headlock. He reverses into a headscissors and they bridge up into a backslide for two on Ric. They head outside with Steamboat going ribs first into the barricade twice in a row. Steamboat barely makes it back inside but Flair snaps his throat across the top rope to keep the advantage. Ric suplexes him back in for two as we hit the halfway point.

 

Flair puts on an abdominal stretch and rolls Steamboat back for a series of two counts. He even puts his feet on the floor for extra leverage but Ricky keeps getting up. Back up and Steamboat gets a quick rollup for two but the kickout sends him into the ropes. Flair heads to the top rope but gets slammed down, giving Steamboat another target. He slaps on the double chickenwing and makes Flair submit for the first time in his career to tie things up.

 

Ric pokes Steamboat in the eye to break up a quick abdominal stretch and we’re at the thirty five minute mark. Ricky pounds on the back but gets countered into a shin breaker. It slows Ricky down but Flair can’t follow up because of the earlier knee injury. Flair gets the Figure Four but Ricky is right next to the rope so there isn’t much damage done. Back up again and they chop the skin off their chests one more time before Flair is sent into the corner and chopped off the apron.

 

The challenger begs off in the corner and tries a quick rollup, only to get caught with his feet on the ropes for the break. Steamboat runs into a boot in the corner and misses another charge, getting his leg tied around the ropes. Forty minutes in now and Flair goes after the knee as only he can. The Figure Four goes on in the middle of the ring and Ricky is in agony but will not give up. He FINALLY rolls into the ropes after nearly two straight minutes in the hold.

 

Ric chops even more on the outside but Ricky does the same in the corner. Flair gets sent into the corner and actually comes off the top with a high cross body for two. Steamboat’s knee gives on a suplex attempt with fifteen minutes to go in the match. Ricky goes up top for the high cross body but the knee is too banged up, allowing Flair to get up at two. The champ gets two more off a swinging neckbreaker but Flair sends him outside.

 

Ricky comes back in with a sunset flip over the top but Flair puts on a sleeper. Steamboat’s arm drops twice but he fights to his feet and sends Ric face first into the buckle to escape. Flair kicks him in the knee to slow Ricky down but the champion kicks Ric in the head for a close two. Both guys are spent now with ten minutes left. Steamboat gets up top and misses a splash but gets to his feet again. The chops and kicks from Flair have almost no effect as Steamboat chops Flair down again.

 

Ricky pounds away in the corner again but he has almost nothing left. Flair gets his nineteenth wind and suplexes the champion down with about six minutes to go. Ric goes up top and gets slammed down one more time, setting up another double chickenwing. The champ’s knee gives out though and Flair falls on top, only to have Ricky get a shoulder up at the last second to retain the title two falls to one.

 

Rating: A+. There aren’t many matches that last nearly an hour but this was as good as it can get. The match runs about fifty five minutes and feels about half of that with no dead spots at all. Both guys looked exhausted at the end with good reason as they couldn’t leave anything else out there. The stories being told and the psychology are all second to none and the whole thing is just perfect. I like it better than the Chi-Town Rumble match and the final showdown at WrestleWar but there’s no going wrong anywhere. Outstanding match and maybe the best match WCW ever had.

We’ll jump ahead to late 1991 after Ricky had a pretty lame return to the WWF. In 1991, Dustin Rhodes and Barry Windham were hunting for the World Tag Team Titles but the Enforcers (Arn Anderson and Larry Zbyszko, the champions) broke Windham’s arm before a title defense. Dustin had a replacement partner at Clash of the Champions 17.

Tag Titles: Enforcers vs. Dustin Rhodes/???

The champions don’t know who they’re fighting yet. Rhodes comes out with Windham who is in street clothes. We bring out Dustin’s partner but he’s in a black robe with a big dragon mask on. Oh you know where this is going. Dustin takes the dragon mask off and there’s a hood over his head.

If you didn’t get it, it’s RICKY FREAKING STEAMBOAT. Anderson loses his mind over this, clearly shouting NOT RICKY STEAMBOAT!!! The fans freaking erupt as Steamboat had been doing WWF house shows as recently as three weeks or so before this. HUGE shock and to say this is going to be a classic is an understatement.

Steamboat and Anderson start us off as the champions are trying to adjust on the fly. It’s a big brawl immediately on the floor for a bit. It’s ALL Rhodes and Steamboat here as they clean house. Larry’s arm gets worked over to start and it’s been one sided so far. Tony makes the stupid statement of you have to be a good singles wrestler to be a good tag wrestler. I’m not sure on that one. Now that I’m back from making a thread on it, let’s continue.

Anderson breaks tradition and comes off the top with a double axe that actually connects! That’s the extent of Anderson’s offense though as this continues to be one sided. Larry comes in and slows things down (shocking isn’t it?). Ricky uses martial arts and that’s using one of Larry’s moves some how. Well to an extent that’s true but it’s worded oddly.

The heels take over with good old fashioned double teaming. Can anyone sell a sunset flip like Arn Anderson? If they have I’d certainly like to see it. Why do wrestling companies always insist on showing us shots of the crowd in the middle of the match? We know they’re there and we can tell if they’re enjoying it or not. We don’t have to see them to prove it.

Arn and Larry use some great double team stuff and Arn busts out a bearhug. They work on Ricky’s back as this has been a very fun match. They switch out when the referee is busy and swear they tagged. Moments later Dustin and Ricky make a tag but the referee didn’t see it. The referee is of course Nick Patrick so did you expect anything less than nefarious means?

Dustin gets the hot tag and comes in to clean house, beating the heck out of both guys. He hits the bulldog on Arn and makes a blind tag. Arn doesn’t know it and walks into the cross body off the top and there’s no way you’re getting up from that. The roof is blown off again as the new champions celebrate.

Rating: A-. This was a great match including a great surprise for the partner. This was a televised title change which is something you never saw back in the day. They went old school here with the heels cheating and the faces working hard and everything worked. It’s a great match and considering this was on free TV, you can’t go wrong at all.

After losing the titles, Steamboat would head back into the singles division, including this match from Worldwide on May 9, 1992.

Ricky Steamboat vs. Cactus Jack

Steamboat has a broken nose coming in so Jack tries to ram him face first into the buckle. Ricky comes back with a DDT for two and a jackknife cover for the same. Cactus charges into an armbar and gets dropped with a horrible looking dropkick. Jack tries to throw him to the floor but Ricky skins the cat, only to get caught by a Cactus Clothesline to put both guys outside. A suplex back inside gets two for Jack and there’s a discus lariat to put the Dragon down. Cactus misses a charge into the post and Ricky hits the high cross body for the pin.

Rating: D+. There’s a 20 minute classic in there if they were given the time but this only lasted about five minutes. Jack was starting to round into form as the crazy man that absorbed pain and destroyed almost anyone in his path. Steamboat was oddly sloppy here and didn’t seem all that interested.

Later that year Steamboat had a match at Halloween Havoc 1992 against Brian Pillman. How can that not be awesome?

Ricky Steamboat vs. Brian Pillman

This should be awesome. Pillman is a heel here and would hook up with Steve Austin soon. The fans have no problem cheering for Steamboat so the crowd is back to normal. Steamboat chops him to start and hits a shoulder for two. Pillman throws him over the ropes but that doesn’t work on the Dragon. Steamboat plays possum and rams Pillman’s face into the mat to take over. Dragon busts out the armdrag/bar combination and takes over.

Pillman gets backdropped and slammed a few times, so he pokes Steamboat in the eyes to take over. See? Being evil does pay off. Steamboat is like screw this getting beaten up and chokes Pillman over his head. Brian blasts him in the back of the head when Steamboat has his back turned to take over. The headscissors gets two for Pillman and he chokes away a bit on the ropes. The Dragon blocks a superplex but jumps into a dropkick for two.

Pillman is getting frustrated because he can’t put Steamboat down so Ricky hits a Russian legsweep to put both guys down. There’s a sleeper and the Dragon is in trouble. Steamboat falls into the corner to ram Brian’s head into the buckle to escape. Pillman starts running but he catches Steamboat coming back in with a knee lift. A cross body off the middle rope gets two for Pillman. Steamboat goes up and hits a top rope sunset flip for two. Pillman counters but Steamboat counters the counter into a sunset flip for the pin.

Rating: B. This is what you call a fast paced wrestling match between a talented face and a talented heel. To put it short, the idea worked. They worked very well together as you would expect them too, with both guys looking crisp the whole way through and the crowd reacting well to it. Good stuff here indeed.

Speaking of matches that just have to be awesome, here’s Steamboat vs. Vader for Vader’s World Title from Worldwide on May 30, 1993.

WCW World Title: Ricky Steamboat vs. Vader

This is some nonsense about a computer selecting Steamboat but dude, it’s Ricky Steamboat. He should get a title shot a month just to make the champion look awesome. Vader has Harley Race with him here so odds are we’ll get some cheating. The champion knocks Steamboat around to start and lifts him up for a gorilla press before dropping him throat first across the top rope.

Race and Vader both choke for a bit before Ricky slides between Vader’s legs and trying a sunset flip, only to avoid Vader cannonballing down onto his chest. Vader charges at him but Ricky low bridges him to the floor and scores with a baseball slide. Race gets an atomic drop but the distraction lets Vader drop Steamboat face first onto the barricade. We take a break and come back with Race hitting a knee to Ricky’s ribs as the Dragon is in trouble.

Back in and Vader drops a big elbow which was very close to a low blow. A middle rope clothesline crushes Steamboat again and we hit an abdominal stretch on the mat. Steamboat escapes but is literally screaming in pain as Vader forearms him upside the head. A belly to back suplex gets two for the champion and Vader is shocked. Ricky scores with some chops but gets splashed in the corner, setting up the Vader Bomb.

Steamboat is able to avoid a second Bomb and get up top for two chops to the head and the high cross body for two. There’s a Figure Four but Race rakes the eyes for the save. Ricky cross bodies Vader to the floor but misses a charge into the barricade. Vader splashes him on the floor and beats the count for the win.

Rating: C+. Nice match here with Steamboat being as smooth as ever out there. He was just good enough to make the fans believe there was a chance of a new champion while not making Vader sweat all that much. The ending was a nice touch as well as Steamboat gets to stay strong and Vader gets the win.

Steamboat was getting up there in years but was still solid in the ring. The solution was to have him give younger guys the rub, with Steve Austin being one of the bigger young guys on the roster. From Clash of the Champions 28.

US Title: Ricky Steamboat vs. Steve Austin

Austin is champion and he already beat Steamboat via some circumstances (Austin got DQ’d, Steamboat insisted they keep going, Austin pinned him) at Bash at the Beach so this is the second match. We go split screen to see Hogan leave in the ambulance. Ricky takes him to the mat quickly and Austin complains of a hair pull. That brings a smile to my face due to the future.

Austin has Dragon Slayer on his tights. If Austin gets disqualified, he loses the title. We stop commentary on the match while a stage manager gives Heenan a live report of what happened to Hogan. We’ll ignore the fact that everyone could see it and point out that WE CAN’T HEAR HIM! He’s whispering in Bobby’s ear (and I know because the camera went off the match to look at him doing so), making this totally pointless.

They chop it out and Steamboat takes over. He grabs the arm as Heenan rants about how he wouldn’t care if Hogan can ever wrestle again. We get a SWEET pinfall reversal sequence and Ricky grabs the arm once again. We finally see this loudmouthed fan that the announcers have been complaining about all night. It’s Barry “Smash” Darsow as the new character the Blacktop Bully. He was a truck driver and a bully. And people wonder why this company was always struggling.

Tony says Austin has held the title since December of 1983, or about 11 years at this point. It’s more like 9 months and December of 93 but you can’t expect him to be able to tell time or complicated things like that. After a quick chase on the floor, Steamboat hooks a sleeper but Austin kind of drops down and drives Steamboat’s chin into his shoulder. I’d jot that down if I was him.

We hear that Sting who was in Chicago, has chartered a plane and is on his way here and will wrestle in Hogan’s place if need be. Ricky stays on the arm and hits a top rope chop. Back to the Bully shouting as Austin apparently counters with something. We didn’t get to see it but why would we need to do that? They fight from their knees and Austin grabs a chinlock.

They chop it out again and Steamboat hits a double to take over. They chop it out for the third or fourth time and Austin hits a suplex. A second is blocked and Steamboat puts him on the ropes. The cameras glitch so we get a random shot of the entrance. Austin knocks him back to the mat but gets crotched. Ricky loads up a superplex but Austin hits a release forward suplex.

He comes off the top but gets caught and Steamboat makes his comeback. I’m not sure how much of a comeback it can be after such a short time on defense but whatever. Top rope crossbody gets canvas and here’s more Blacktop Bully. Steamboat Hulks Up and hammers away. A spinebuster gets two. Austin goes up but gets caught in an electric chair drop for another two.

This is getting really good. A few pinning combinations get two for Steamboat. Austin dumps him over but Steamboat holds the rope. If he had hit the floor it would have been a title change. Austin goes to slam him BUT YOU CAN’T SLAM RICKY STEAMBOAT!!! Ricky gets his small package and the US Title.

Rating: B. Very good match here which is even more impressive when you consider Steamboat destroyed his back in this match and had to retire before he defended the title. Austin was supposed to get a rematch at Fall Brawl but since Steamboat was hurt, Austin was awarded the title and Jim freaking Duggan of all people took the title from him in about 45 seconds. But Hogan never did anything bad for WCW and it was just a coincidence that a washed up guy like Duggan got the US Title over someone young and talented like Austin and that Duggan just happened to be a friend of Duggan right?

Steamboat was scheduled to drop the title back to Austin but injured his back in the Clash match, forcing him into retirement as a result (WCW of course fired him via FedEx because that’s the kind of company they were). Steamboat would leave wrestling for several years before becoming a trainer for WWE. He would come out of retirement at Wrestlemania 25 at the age of 56 for a legends handicap match against Chris Jericho.

Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper/Jimmy Snuka/Ricky Steamboat

Flair is here to support his fellow old people. If I had to guess, I’d say he’s somewhere between smashed and alcohol poisoning. Jericho has to beat all three legends to win so he starts with Piper. Roddy looks bad but considering less than two years earlier he was diagnosed with lymphoma, this is pretty impressive.

Piper fires away to start and takes it to the mat before hooking a quick sunset flip for two. A kind of dropkick puts Chris down and Roddy pounds away in the corner. Jimmy comes in and the match turns into slow motion. To be fair he’s about 65 here. Ricky comes in and starts cranking on the arm as you would expect him to. Back to Jimmy for a double chop although only Ricky’s actually hits. Out of nowhere Jericho puts on the Walls for the elimination.

Piper comes back in and works over the ribs before throwing on the sleeper. It only lasts for a few seconds though before Jericho rams him into the top rope and gets the elimination via a running enziguri. This leaves Steamboat vs. Jericho with the Dragon coming in with the top rope cross body for a VERY close near fall. A snapmare puts Ricky down and Jericho kicks him in the back before putting on a chinlock. In the STUPID part of the show, Jericho throws Steamboat over the ropes for him to skin the cat, but LET’S LOOK AT FLAIR INSTEAD!

Jericho gets backdropped over the top to the floor and IT’S A FLYING OLD MAN to take Jericho down again. Back in and a top rope chop has Jericho reeling. Steamboat jumps over Chris out of the corner and gets a rollup for two. Jericho finally hits the bulldog but the Lionsault misses. Ricky grabs a powerslam out of nowhere for two but gets caught in the Walls. Steamboat reverses THAT into a small package for the hottest two count you’ll see in years. If that’s not enough, Steamboat backflips out of a belly to back suplex, only to walk into the Codebreaker to let Jericho survive.

Rating: B-. WOW Steamboat had me going here and I knew what the ending was. Steamboat was 56 years old here and hadn’t wrestled regularly in FIFTEEN YEARS and just had the crowd actually believing he could beat Jericho five months after he lost the world title. That’s ASTONISHING and would lead to a one on one match between these two at Backlash. Snuka and Piper were there for one last hurrah but Steamboat was trying to steal the show and came pretty freaking close. This is a great example of a match with NO reason to be good which wound up being pretty sweet.

The match was so good that Steamboat got a singles match against Jericho at Backlash 2009.

Chris Jericho vs. Ricky Steamboat

This should be a treat. The story here is that Jericho went on an anti-legend kick in the past few months until he beat three of them (Piper, Snuka and Steamboat) at Mania. The thing is Steamboat, who might have wrestled one match in 15 years, stole the show and looked like he could still go out there and wrestle for 45 minutes and beat half the guys on the roster. He was 56-57 at this point, so he wanted one last match, one on one with Jericho.

Steamboat takes him down to the mat and Jericho has to get to the rope to escape. Ricky goes to the floor and makes Jericho miss him a few times before hitting a dive over the top and out onto the Canadian. Back in and there’s the armdrag into the armbar. The fans tell Steamboat that he still has it. Jericho gets up but walks right back into the armdrag/bar again. They slug it out and Steamboat is knocked over the top but he skins the cat, because he’s that awesome.

Jericho clotheslines him to the floor and springboard dropkicks him right back down. Off to a chinlock but Steamboat fights out and hits another armdrag. Back to the chinlock as Jericho talks trash. That’s one of the things I’ve always liked about him: he keeps things from getting completely dull during a usually dull part of the match. Back up and Steamboat shoves off the bulldog and Jericho gets caught on the ropes.

Steamboat goes all the way to the back for a belly to back suplex but the delayed cover only gets two. Some chops get another two count as does a powerslam. Jericho comes back with a running enziguri for two and the bulldog puts Steamboat down. The Lionsault is broken up but Jericho reverses the reversal into the Walls. Steamboat slips out from under them but can’t remember how to put on the figure four. That’s where the match gets kind of sad.

Jericho escapes and charges into the post, allowing the top rope crossbody to get two. Ricky goes up again but dives into the Codebreaker….for two. We get the WM 3 ending with the small package out of the slam for two, but Jericho slaps on the Walls and cranks hard for the tap. That’s one of the only times (if not the only time) I can remember Steamboat submitting.

Rating: C+. This is a really hard one to grade. Steamboat tried as hard as he could, but at the end of the day he’s nearing 60 and had wrestled two matches in almost fifteen years. Now don’t get me wrong: Steamboat DID NOT look awful out there, but he looked old. It’s sad to see him when you know what he used to be capable of, but all things considered, this was a solid performance. It’s VERY good that it was the last time too, because it would have gotten bad if he had kept going. The match was fun but it didn’t blow me away like the Mania performance did.

Much like Ric Flair, what do you want me to say here? It’s RICKY STEAMBOAT. Go watch about 15 of his matches in a row and see what talent is.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Today is another instance of there’s no one interesting today so here’s one of my favorites: 2 Cold Scorpio.

Scorpio got his start in Japan in the late 80s but got his first American exposure in WCW, debuting at Clash of the Champions 21 as a mystery partner for WCW World Champion Ron Simmons.

Cactus Jack/Tony Atlas/Barbarian vs. Ron Simmons/Too Cold Scorpio

Ok so Simmons is world champion and is feuding with various guys because they wanted to make Simmons seem like he had something to do while making the WCW Title a midcard title so that guys like Great Muta and Chono, NWA guys, could be the REAL focus of the show. Simmons vs. Barbarian was the WCW Title match at Halloween Havoc. Let that sink in for a bit.

This is Scorpio’s debut and the good guys sprint to the ring with the announcers having no clue what Scorpio’s name is. This match with having only one white guy in it is Watts’ attempt to make the company believe he’s not racist and of course he made the black dude worthless and the title a joke until Sting saved it. Jack is legit injured here so he was a manager for the most part. Somehow injured he was miles ahead of the guys he managed.

Atlas looks like a freaking tank here. There was supposed to be some guy named Robbie Walker as Simmons’ partner. Considering this is Scorpio when he was young and in awesome shape and totally mind blowing, I think he upgraded. Yeah he’s 27 here as is Jack so both guys are young and just awesome. Scorpio misses a moonsault completely and kicks Jack in the head so he has to tag.

Jack and Simmons now as Barbarian was in there all of 10 seconds. Remember: Jack is badly hurt here but he’s the only credible guy on his team. Ah, it’s the #1 contender: Barbarian. Yes that Barbarian. It’s weird hearing them constantly saying “Simmons’ partner” because they really don’t know who he is. Atlas comes in and is just old. He’s still ripped though so that helps.

Barbarian beats on him a bit but then Jack has to be the one to get kicked in the head. Hot tag to Scorpio who blows the roof off the place. He was SO far ahead of his time it’s not even funny. Barbarian misses the big boot to Simmons which kills Atlas and with Simmons holding the other two off, Scorpio unleashes the 450 which is more or less the national debut of it and you can’t hear Ross’ commentary (which is more or less him losing his mind) over how loud the fans are. Naturally that gets the pin.

Rating: B-. This was to do two things: further the Simmons vs. Jack’s team feud and the bigger one: make 2 Cold Scorpio look AMAZING. To say the very least regarding the second one, JACKPOT. The fans loved him as more or less he was a 240 pound Rey Mysterio and keeping in mind this is 1992, this was completely revolutionary stuff. Awesome debut and everything worked like a charm. Match sucked when him or Jack wasn’t in there though.

Scorpio would become a big deal on his own as a singles guy, including receiving an NWA World Title shot at Clash of the Champions 23.

NWA World Title: Barry Windham vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

This could be bad but it could be good. Windham was just holding the title for a little while before Flair got it back in about a month. Jesse asks what kind of name Scope is. Jesse brings up that he was in the Navy and Norfolk is a naval town so he’s happy here. No one believes Windham has any chance of losing here as Scorpio was young, talented and over so of course the NWA can’t let him have the belt. That’s Flair’s belt blast it.

Jesse wants to know who Jordan is betting on tonight. That’s a great line. Scorpio kicks out of a leaping, and I use that term loosely, DDT. Hey! Wanna know how Badd is? Call the Hotline and find out! Yes, we’ll not only give out private medical records, we’ll charge you for them! Windham punches the heck out of Scorpio and this is pretty one sided.

Fans are into it though so that works. In a very cool move, Scorpio is on the apron and hits a slingshot, note that it’s not a springboard, 450. Scorpio’s comeback is very good but in the end he gets caught just like you would expect him to. The Leaping DDT ends it to retain Windham’s title.

Rating: B. This was way better than it should have been. When Scorpio wasn’t fat and was actually motivated, he could go with anyone and that’s what he did here. Solid match all around although the ending sucked to a fairly large extent just out of boringness. The double title thing still didn’t work.

On to the tag team division that Scorpio was best known for. He would hook up with Marcus Bagwell for a Tag Team Title show on the October 23, 1993 episode of WCW Saturday Night.

Tag Titles: Marcus Bagwell/2 Cold Scorpio vs. Nasty Boys

Naties are defending. Knobbs shoves Scorpio into the corner to start and it’s quickly off to Sags who does…..nothing at all. Back to Knobbs who walks into a slam before a slingshot moonsault gets two for Scorpio. He puts on a hammerlock with his feet before it’s off to Bagwell for a double faceplant. We hit the armbar by Marcus and the challengers take turns working over the arm. Brian fights back and makes the tag off to Jerry who walks into the same arm work.

A double dropkick puts Jerry down again and Scorpio puts on another armbar. 2 Cold goes up but completely misses a splash to change control. A Knobbs distraction lets Sags get in a chair shot to the back and Scorpio is in big trouble. He’s able to kick out at two though as the fans chant WHOMP THERE IT IS. Back to Knobbs for a gutwrench slam but Bagwell breaks up the count at two.

We hit the abdominal stretch from Brian but Sags comes back in for some elbows on the bad ribs. Scorpio tries to fight back but gets caught in a bearhug to keep things slow. He finally fights out of it with something resembling a bulldog and an enziguri is enough for the hot tag to Bagwell. Marcus fights off both guys and everything breaks down. Sags and Scorpio are whipped into each other but Jerry gets up fast enough to drop a top rope ax handle on Marcus, only to pull him up at two. Sags lifts him up for a slam but Scorpio dropkicks them both down, putting Bagwell on top for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C-. Not a very good match here but I’ve seen far worse. This was the definition of a meaningless title reign as they would lose the belts back the next night at Halloween Havoc. Bagwell and Scorpio felt like a pair of guys thrown together and they weren’t much more than that at all.

Soon after this it would be off to an NWA territory known as Eastern Championship Wrestling for an NWA World Title tournament. Here’s Scorpio vs. Shane Douglas in the finals.

NWA World Title: Shane Douglas vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

And we get no entrances or anything like that. Joey said a quick thing about this is it and we cut to the bell ringing. I’m fairly certain that Shane is heel here but it’s not incredibly clear. Yeah he definitely is. The locker room is out to watch this. They try to tie this into the classic NWA guys like Race and Thesz, but for some reason the WHOMP There it is chant hurts the credibility on that one.

They do some decent stuff but it’s a tad sloppy which hurts it a bit. I wonder what Shane is thinking as he knows what he will be doing in about fifteen minutes. They lock up for about the fifth time in two minutes. We get it guys. You can do the most basic move on the planet. They do a bunch of small packages and reversals that aren’t bad but it’s hardly the masterpiece that Joey wants you to think it is.

To change the pace a lot, we have a lock up. A top rope cross body gets two and we hit a chinlock. You can really tell how far the title has fallen when it was eleven years before this when Starrcade aired and the company hit its peak. A top rope dropkick puts Shane on the floor and we have a sign that says I’ve Got Crabs. You can really feel the spirits of Thesz and Kiniski here can’t you?

They really do try to put this over as a classic. Well give Joey a point for trying of course. What they don’t point out most of the time is that Douglas beat Terry Funk for the ECW Title coming into this. Barely Legal was far from Funk’s first title reign. We get back in the ring with Shane somewhat in control.

It amuses me that this was supposed to be the biggest match of all time according to Joey, but that weekend we had Owen vs. Bret in a cage at Summerslam. Anyway, Scorpio misses a moonsault and Shane hits a belly to belly for the win. Scorpio says that Shane was better tonight but he’ll be back. Nice job on stealing the spotlight there buddy.

Rating: C+. This was nothing entertaining at all really. It’s just a match with limited heat and not very good wrestling. I get that this is supposed to mean something in the long run, but dang man, there was just nothing to talk about here at all. It’s not bad but there are about a million better matches.

Then some other stuff happened after the match.

Scorpio is one of the few guys that has been all over the world so we’ll take a look at some of his stuff with other companies. This is one such match from a AAA show, though it took place in Los Angeles.

Tito Santana/Pegasus Kid/2 Cold Scorpio vs. La Parka/Blue Panther/Jerry Estrada

This is IWC vs. AAA. Pegasus Kid you know as Chris Benoit and yes that’s the same Tito Santana you’re familiar with. Estrada is a brawler, Panther is a masked guy and captain and La Parka is La Parka. Scorpio is starting us off but Estrada and Parka fight over who starts. Instead it’s Panther who takes Scorpio to the mat to a HUGE pop. I’m a big Scorpio and Santana fan so I think you know which team I like here.

Off to Benoit vs. Parka. The Parka team is WAY more popular as they’re technically the hometown team. Santana comes in but Estrada and Parka fight over who gets to face Santana. Tito in black trunks is an odd sight to see. Also this is just Tito, not El Matador. Mike says Tito is clearly the weak link on his team. That’s not exactly what I’d say but he’s the Professor.

Parka won’t tag in, ticking Estrada off even more. Benoit and Panther come in to speed things way up and Benoit hits a huge suicide dive to the floor. Benoit is the captain of his team so if he loses it’s over. Scorpio and Parka come in and try to out overdo it. They slug it out but neither guy can take over. Parka fakes taking a low blow and both guys hit the floor. That allows Estrada vs. Santana to come in. Remember that’s legal here.

Estrada is sent to the floor and it’s off to Benoit vs. Panther again. They’re both in blue so that works out well. Benoit hooks the snap suplex but an elbow misses. Parka is tagged in and he walks along the apron for a bit first. The Canadian hits a German on the Mexican and it’s back to Panther again, this time against 2 Cold. They look like their chemistry is way off at times in this.

A powerbomb puts Parka down but Estrada comes in, breaks it up, kicks Parka a bit for good measure and now the heels can’t figure out who to get in. Ok so now it’s Tito vs. Panther. Benoit comes in but misses the swan dive. Scorpio misses his huge moonsault as well. I get why Panther is a champion. La Parka and Estrada fight over who gets to cover Scorpio so it’s back to Panther again.

Parka sends Santana to the floor and sets to dive but hits Estrada of course. Scorpio hits a big dive to take everyone out. Panther misses a moonsault so Benoit hits a Matt Hardy legdrop for two. Panther tries a powerbomb on Chris but Benoit rolls through into a rana for the pin and ZERO reaction, which also might be a cultural thing.

Rating: C. I liked it a little better than the previous one but it’s no classic or anything. The idea here was two different styles and in that theory it worked. At the same time though, the tagging thing isn’t something I can get used to inside of an hour, which is how long this has been going on. It was fine but it’s something I think I’d like a lot more if I watched lucha libre more often.

In 1995, WCW held a show in North Korea which had an audience of, I kid you not, 180,000 people. Scorpio was on the card, facing Wild Pegasus.

2 Cold Scorpio vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is named Wild Pegasus here. Eric talks about how the lives in Korea are as so much is closed off to them and they have never seen anything like this. This really is something to see. New Japan is co-promoting with WCW here so you’ll see a lot of puro in this. This is a pretty choreographed and gymnastics based match to start which the fans applaud.

It’s so strange to see a totally new audience see something like this. If nothing else it’s cool to see their reaction to seeing something like this which they’ve never seen before. Onoo is playing a heel here that only likes the Japanese guys. His voice is very hard to hear as he’s really soft spoken. Benoit hits a jumping tombstone and the headbutt hits on Scorpio for the pin.

Rating: C+. These are hard matches to grade. There are no angles or anything to them as this is really just an exhibition and an attempt to expose wrestling to a brand new audience, even though they’ll hardly ever see it again. That being said, I’m not expecting much from these matches, but it’s nice to see. The grades will be far less harsh based on how these matches are going to be drawn up.

Back to ECW, where Scorpio would win the Tag Team Titles in a singles match against Rocco Rock. He would choose Sandman as his partner and defend the titles at November 2 Remember 1995.

Tag Titles: 2 Cold Scorpio/Sandman vs. Public Enemy

Woman manages Scorpio and Sandman who are champions (along with Scorpio being TV Champion) and come out to Whomp There It Is. Whoever gets the fall here faces Mikey Whipwreck later in the show for the world title. Woman is kind of hot actually. She could look rather good at times. Scorpio dances a lot while we’re waiting on the Public Enemy to get here.

I have no idea what the face/heel alignment is here but I think Public Enemy is face. According to Gertner the TV Title is on the line here also. Yeah apparently Sandman and Scorpio are the heels here. Sandman is billed from…..Utah? Seriously? Scorpio is doing a thing where he says he doesn’t weigh as much as he really does. He does have a gut on him.

Public Enemy is leaving soon after this for ECW apparently. Scorpio offers them a chance to leave so let’s have a dance off. Uh…..ok? Scorpio cuts a rug and Joey dances too. The camera catches him and his reaction is great. Rocco does a robot which isn’t horrible. Scorpio does one also and destroys him. And now we set dancing back about a thousand years with Sandman dancing too. Joey: “Yes but can he walk a straight line?” They want Woman to dance and it’s very short. Crowd is WAY into this.

The champs jump the dancing morons but Public Enemy clears the ring quickly. AND IT’S TIME TO DANCE! The music is still playing as I think we have a comedy match on our hands. Just a hunch mind you. Ok so now we’re ready to go with Sandman vs. Grunge. Sandy grabs a headlock but is sent to the floor. Everything breaks down quickly and they all head to the floor.

Everyone grabs a chair and gets back in the ring for a good old fashioned duel. Sandman and Grunge are thrown to the floor and Scorpio follows. They fight up the aisle and a fan offers 2 Cold a frying pan. He steals someone’s prosthetic hand instead. Well why not? Sandman goes into the crowd and Grunge is busted open. He hits a splash for two on Scorpio as we’re bordering on having a regular match.

Rocco hits Sandman with a pumpkin pie and Sandy is in the crowd again. Woman pulls Sandman out of the crowd. Sandman tags himself in and he jumps over the top (!!!) with something like a dropkick. Rocco comes in and hits a headscissors to take over. Slingshot legdrop by Sandman but he doesn’t cover.

Off to Scorpio who hits a slingshot splash for two. Scorpio vs. Rock at the moment if you’re all lost. Rock avoids a dropkick and escapes a tilt-a-whirl, only to miss a moonsault. The fans chant for SD Jones for some reason as Scorpio hits a double underhook powerbomb which is broken up at two.

Standing moonsault eats knees and it’s off to Sandman. Rocco (they’re Rocco Rock and Johnny Grunge if you’re totally confused by me changing named) still can’t bring in Grunge so Grunge comes in and pounds on Sandman. Woman cracks Rocco with a kendo stick and Sandman dives over the top to take out Grunge. Sandman gets backdropped onto a table which doesn’t break. FREAKING OW MAN.

Grunge finally goes through the table and everything breaks down even further. Rock hits a big moonsault to the floor as they need to end this soon. A broom handle is brought in from somewhere with Scorpio taking over with it. There it goes though so 2 Cold settles for a Stinger Splash and moonsault for two on Rocco. We’re tagging again now and Grunge gets the hot tag. Sandman comes in sans tag but Public Enemy screws up their finisher and Sandman falls on top for the pin.

Rating: D. Yeah this went too long. These guys aren’t the ones you want having seventeen minutes. This was better as a comedy match but then again I might have just wanted to see Woman dance. Either way, not much here and Sandman getting the pin was pretty much the only logical choice since he lost the title to Mikey in the first place.

After a few more months in ECW it was off to the WWF where Scorpio would become a pimp in a zoot suit named Flash Funk. One of his first big matches was at In Your House 12.

Leif Cassidy vs. Flash Funk

 

Cassidy is more famous as Al Snow but is one half of the New Rockers here. Funk is more famous as 2 Cold Scorpio and is basically a pimp without calling him as much. He has Funkettes and funk music, basically making him the original Brodus Clay. Even Vince dances to the theme song a bit. After a long dance sequence by Funk and his girls we’re ready to go. Funk shoves Cassidy into the ropes to start and dances a bit, only angering Leif as a result.

 

They trade wristlocks until Flash spins around and grabs an armbar on the mat. Cassidy spins up but a flying snap mare takes him right back down. Funk flips out of a Boston crab attempt and takes Leif down into a headlock. Back up and Flash tries to go up but slips off the ropes, only to pop back up and hit a cross body to set up another armbar. A headscissors out of the corner is countered into a reverse powerbomb by Cassidy and the Rocker takes over.

 

Cassidy blocks a right hand and traps Funk’s arms for some headbutts, followed by a belly to belly over the top and out to the floor. Leif follows it up with a springboard moonsault to the floor in a great looking dive. Back in and we hit the chinlock but Flash fights up and dances a bit more. Another powerbomb attempt by Cassidy is countered and Flash lands on his feet, dancing again. Leif comes back with a sitout spinebuster for a very delayed two count. Off to a modified dragon sleeper but Leif lets him go very quickly for some reason.

 

Funk avoids a middle rope moonsault as you can see a lot of empty seats not that far from the ring. Funk hits the ropes and cartwheels into a spinning enziguri, sending Leif out tot he floor. Another big dive takes Cassidy down before a gorgeous top rope moonsault gets two for Funk. They trade some quick rollups for two each until Flash scores with an enziguri and the Funky Flash Splash (450 and yes that’s the real name) gets the pin. We even get a rare error from JR who calls it a Shooting Star Press.

 

Rating: B-. This took awhile to get going but for its time, this was pretty awesome. Funk is a personal favorite of mine who could fly like few other mainstream guys at this time. Cassidy was no slouch either but it would take an absurd gimmick to get him noticed, which is a shame at the\\\ end of the day.

Continuing the international theme, Flash was on the March 3, 1997 episode of Raw, held in Germany.

Sultan vs. Flash Funk

Sultan is Rikishi. Jim Ross has joined us on commentary. Lawler calls in and yells at Vince for having ECW guys on Raw. Didn’t Jerry invite him? If the ECW guys show up next week, Lawler will finish the fight. After a break the match is joined in progress with Sultan running him over. Flash does his usual flying around the ring to get in some offense but Sultan hooks him in a sleeper. Heyman calls in to say Lawler is over the line. The challenge is accepted but it might not be next week. Standing rana sets up a top rope moonsault for two by Funk. Sultan counters a headscissors and the camel clutch ends this quick.

Rating: C-. This match was fine but it’s by far and away the weakest of the matches as far as star power goes. Good match here as Funk is always someone I love watching. Sultan was a dead end gimmick and more or less stopped meaning anything after Mania when Rocky beat him in the IC Title match.

To England, from One Night Only, a one off show (appropriately enough) from Birmingham in September of 1997.

Flash Funk vs. The Patriot

Flash Funk is more commonly known as 2 Cold Scorpio and is a pimp without the name of being one. Patriot showed up a few weeks before this and somehow had a title shot at the previous PPV which went nowhere. Naturally he “came within an eyelash” but that didn’t mean anything after that show.

Patriot has Angle’s old music which it’s just odd to hear in 1997. He’s more or less a heel here since he comes out with the American flag. Patriot says he wears a mask because he represents the face of every American. I don’t know that many men that have golden skin like that. Flash is wearing a freaking zoot suit. This isn’t as good of a match as it could be but it’s ok I guess.

It’s about as generic as you could get but that’s fine. Vince calls Flash the Funkmeister. I’m done. Patriot was just annoying as he never went anywhere. He wasn’t that good at all but was built up to be this great worker which he just wasn’t at all. They keep saying the reason they’re not being all violent and crap is because they don’t hate each other. That’s better than nothing I guess.

If nothing else this should tell you everything you need to know about Patriot: his finishers are a full nelson slam called the Uncle Slam and a top rope shoulder block called the Patriot Missile. Funk’s finisher is called the Funky Flash Splash. A full nelson slam ends this. That was a waste of time.

Rating: C-. Again, this was just there. It wasn’t particularly good or bad, but Patriot got some decent heat which is really all you can ask for. Funk went for a big move from the top and it missed for the Uncle Slam. That’s better than nothing I guess. It could have been a lot worse I guess, but this just wasn’t the best choice of a pairing.

In 1998 there was a quick cross promotional story with WWF and ECW that saw Flash go to ECW for a night at Living Dangerously 1998 against Rob Van Dam.

Rob Van Dam vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

Van Dam is still a huge heel here but it’s lightening up a lot. Scorpio is over at least. He’s Flash Funk at this point but here he’s just the simple 2 Cold Scorpio and therefore much better than he was in WWF. The more I hear the more I think Van Dam is already a face. They start with a long feeling out process which is fine as they do some decent technical stuff.

 

However, we of course get a botch because it’s ECW. Those things just suck the life out of a lot of matches. I understand that they are going to happen and at least here they covered it up a bit. In the previous match they just assumed no one noticed and thought it would be fine. That’s just freaking dumb. We get a very nice reversal sequence with a lot of monkey flips that ends with a standoff.

 

Very nice indeed. We hit the floor and Van Dam is in the crowd. Well you knew it was going to happen sooner or later I \guess. I think they’re going for the big epic match here but the fans aren’t all happy with it which can’t be a good sign. To be fair though, most of the time not all fans are going to love the thing. The fans want Sandman apparently. That sums up ECW crowds pretty well.

 

We’re given a high flying technically mostly sound match, and the fans want weapons and blood and tables. So many times these fans were just ridiculous and stupid and this is one of them. Scorpio hits a SWEET moonsault. The Five Star which isn’t called that yet gets knees or what are called knees I suppose as it looked like it hit pretty well to me. We hit the ramp for awhile and the Van Daminator is more or less no sold. Hint for how to counter: HIT HIM WITH THE CHAIR. Seriously dude, use some freaking intelligence.

 

A piledriver on the ramp and Van Dam is hurt. And there goes the referee because in a no DQ match we need a referee for…? Van Dam tries to steal the 450 and would have missed completely anyway. Scorpio mostly hits the 450 and here’s Sabu to up the workrate. An Arabian Facebuster gets two. Sandman comes out to chase off Sabu. Van Dam gets a SWEET jumping rollup for the pin. Post match Van Dam acts very cocky and offers a handshake but Scorpio nails him to a big pop.

 

Sabu comes back with a table so they try to put Scorpio through it. Naturally this doesn’t work as Sandman makes the save. In a stupid moment, as Scorpio is laying on it and Sandman makes the save, he pops up as soon as Sandman is here. Yeah that didn’t look dumb at all. Sandman tries a hurricanrana from the top through the table on Sabu. Guess what happens. Go ahead and guess. Anyway, the two faces share a beer after the match. Sandman dances. This is disturbing.

Rating: B-. This was good, but it suffers from the same problem that it always does: Paul Heyman overbooking it. Can ANYONE explain to me why Sabu and Sandman had to come in there? I know RVD and Sabu are partners, but he had no business coming to ringside at all. Just let him be Scorpio.

O Canada! From Breakdown 1998.

Too Much vs. Scorpio/Al Snow

 

Snow is completely insane and carries a mannequin head with him. Too Much is Brian Christopher and a newcomer named Scott Taylor. The fans get all over Too Much, sending Taylor into a fit before he starts with Scorpio. Feeling out process to start with Scorpio cranking on a wristlock before dropping him with a spinwheel kick. Taylor flips around and takes Scorpio down with a dropkick, only to have Scorpio in his face by the time Taylor nips up.

 

It’s off to Snow vs. Christopher with Snow hitting a bunch of headbutts to gain the early advantage. Things start to break down a bit with Scorpio bringing a chair into the ring but Snow uses it as a launching pad to dive at Taylor in the corner. Taylor falls face first into Christopher’s crotch to make the crowd wince. Christopher misses a charge at Snow on the floor and Scorpio hits a top rope splash on Taylor for two.

 

Snow moonsaults Christopher off the apron before heading back inside to slam Taylor. Scorpio goes up top but takes too long, allowing Brian to crotch him down to the floor. Taylor hits a nice springboard dive to take Scorpio down again. Things settle down with Too Much hitting a double backdrop on Scorpio but Christopher stops to dance.

 

Snow comes in sans tag with Head to clean house, only to hit Scorpio by mistake. The referee checks on Scorpio, allowing Al to hit Taylor low for a close two. The save is botched a bit with Christopher coming off the top late and the referee just stopping his count. Scorpio makes a save of his own (also a bit late) but Snow pops up and Snow Plows (scoop brainbuster) Taylor for the pin.

 

Rating: C. The ending was pretty messy but the rest of the match wasn’t bad at all. Scorpio had some incredible talent and Snow was one of the most underrated guys on the roster. Too Much would get far better when they stopped being goofy heels and became dancers. If nothing else it was probably better than the original idea for them: the first openly gay (and in love) tag team.

Scorpio left WWF soon after this and hit the indies. We’ll go from there down to as far south as you can get: perhaps the worst wrestling show ever. If you’ve never heard of this, save yourselves and run now. From Heroes of Wrestling.

2 Cold Scorpio vs. Julio Fantastico

Julio is more commonly known as Julio Dinero in case you’ve heard of him in ECW or old school TNA. Scorpio I’m sure you’ve heard of. If not, imagine a Godfather/Luchador combination. Yeah he was a weird one. Why is Julio on this show again? I have no idea either but whatever.

Why do these two and two tag teams have music but Steele and Valentine didn’t? Oh I guess it’s because they sucked. Scorpio is carrying a replica WCW Title belt. I know that because I see it, not because it’s mentioned or anything like that. This match might have potential to be something close to decent. Can’t you hear my enthusiasm in this show?

Lou Albano comes out for commentary for absolutely no apparent reason. I think he just wandered in here and needed a place to sit down. Albano, having no apparent power or anything, has the authority to give both announcers raises. You know, for the one night show, they’re getting raises for next week.

Albano babbles a lot but if you listen to him, he seems like he knows his stuff. Of course he does, but it’s so much rambling it’s hard to say. Can we just let him talk all night? He’s FAR more entertaining and interesting to listen to. He’s not bragging the whole time and he’s actually offering some insight and says that it’s a dropkick instead of a flying leg kick.

He then offers this and I had to listen at least three times to get all this. He says this about Randy: he’s a nice guy but he looks like he’s got the brain of a dehydrated baby if they put him in a pigeon pack and had him fly backwards. Ladies and gentlemen, this man was responsible for what became Wrestlemania. Apparently Lou looks like a pitbull in heat next to Dinero. This is making the show, hands down.

The match is very sloppy as Scorpio is having to carry this, but that’s the best choice I guess. There’s some decent stuff in there though but it’s just sloppy. We see Scorpio holding the ropes and pulling back for something but we go to a shot of Dinero and just see him being crashed on. Nice one guys. Scorpio’s hair is braided by the way.

Dinero isn’t bad at all actually and it was this match that got him a job with ECW of all things. In other words, Heyman or someone under him actually watched this and scouted talent from it. What does that tell you? Dinero takes a nice backdrop over the railing onto the floor.

They fight into the crowd and we can’t see crap because of the lighting and an annoying kid in a 49ers jersey. And the announcers point out that they don’t know what’s going on. Nice one guys. The referee sees a low blow and is fine with it of course. Dutch: we have a 2 count. The referee counted two. THANKS FOR THAT.

Albano gets on Randy for the leg kick thing again which is kind of amusing I guess. This needs to end like NOW. Dinero shoves the referee into the ropes to crotch Scorpio and that’s fine too.

Scorpio hits Trouble in Paradise which Dinero was going down from before it hit but whatever and a 2nd rope Tumbleweed (Harlem Hangover) hits then he goes up for a moonsault where he twists into another leg drop. He misses by a foot and a half, but that’s decent here.

Rating: D-. By FAR the best mach so far. This got something close to entertaining if you can believe that. The sloppiness just freaking kills it though as Scorpio just can’t do anything at all without botching it at all. There was something close to a decent match here though so that’s better than nothing.

It was back to ECW by the end of the year for a World Title shot on December 10, 1999’s ECW on TNN.

ECW World Title: Mike Awesome vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

Awesome (the champion) runs Scorpio over to start and Scorpio isn’t sure what to do. Scorpio knocks him to the ramp (the arena is strange as the aisle to the ring is on the level with the ring but the ring itself is in a kind of a pit) and hits a flip dive to take over, but back in the ring Awesome suplexes him to the floor. Scorpio is launched into the crowd and the champion dives over the barricade with a clothesline.

A chair to the back puts Scorpio back at ringside and a charge into the chair into Scorpio gets two back in the ring. Another tackle puts 2 Cold down and a clothesline knocks him inside out. This has been a total squash so far. Scorpio grabs a quick cradle for two and “hits” a superkick to set up a big top rope splash for two. A moonsault gets the same but Scorpio walks into a modified powerbomb for two.

Awesome hits a sweet release German suplex and it’s table time. It is ECW after all. Jazz, Scorpio’s manager, gets in and Scorpio has to save her from being powerbombed through the table. There’s another superkick to Awesome but Scorpio takes too much time to go up top and a HUGE powerbomb through the table kills 2 Cold dead to keep the title on Awesome.

Rating: C. I like both of these guys so I was a fan of this match before it started. This was when Scorpio was a shell of his old self when he was flying all over the place back in WCW in the early 90s. Good stuff here though as Awesome was moving around like Scorpio used to despite being bigger and taller than Scorpio ever was. Fun stuff.

Scorpio went to Japan for several years before coming back to America, mainly on reunion shows or on the independent circuit. Here’s one such appearance from the 15^th anniversary episode of Monday Night Raw.

15th Anniversary Battle Royal

THE FINK does the intros. We’ve got Al Snow, Bart Gunn (man, where did they drag him out of?), DOINK THE CLOWN, Repo Man, Steve Blackman (in far better shape than he ever was when he was a regular), Pete Gas of the Mean Street Posse, BOB FREAKING BACKLUND (58 years old here and looking to be in better shape than most of the roster), Gangrel, Goon, Skinner, IRS, Flash Funk, Scotty 2 Hotty, Jim Neidhart, Sgt. Slaughter and Gillberg, who gets a full entrance with guards and pyro sticks and canned chants. That’s AWESOME. This is supposed to be a 15 man battle royal but there are 16 in it. Eh who cares?

Gillberg is ganged up on and tossed immediately. Backlund is out quickly and the point of this isn’t who wins but is just for fun. A Head shot by Snow puts Doink out. Same for Gangrel. HEAD CHEESE EXPLODES!!! Skinner is called a fabulous one (haha) and there go Bart, Flash and Blackman. Repo Man puts Goon out and Skinner puts Repo out. Final Four are Slaughter, IRS, Skinner and Scotty. IRS gets his briefcase but gets it knocked into his face so we can see the Worm. Skinner puts Scotty out but walks into the Cobra Clutch. Slaughter dumps Skinner but IRS dumps Slaughter in the same ending from X7?s Gimmick Battle Royal.

BUT WAIT! Here’s Ted DiBiase, who is officially in the battle royal also. However, he says that IRS has his price so IRS dives over the top, making DiBiase the winner! And that my friends, is why Ted DiBiase is better than your favorite heel. We even get the evil laugh! The match isn’t worth rating because that’s not the point. The ending made me smile a lot though.

We’ll close it out with a win from a losing show: TNA’s Hardcore Justice, because why put on something original when you can put on an ECW reunion show?

CW Anderson vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

You know, because these two have SUCH a history together. They keep calling it the original era because they can’t say ECW, even though they do anyway. Oh this is wrestling. Just to be clear I guess. Amazingly enough, there’s next to nothing to talk about here. Scorpio was great in his time, but he was old in 99 and he’s very old now. This is kind of back and forth and really isn’t bad for the most part. Spinebuster gets two and the Tumbleweed ends it.

Rating: C-. This was actually ok. They had a nice back and forth thing going here with a solid clash of styles going. I liked Anderson to an extent and I always liked Scorpio so this worked well for me. Somehow I have a feeling this is going to be the best match of the night. This wasn’t bad at all though and has me in a better mood.

Scorpio is a guy that is remembered as being awesome but was more of a traveling attraction than anything else. He had some singles success in Japan and ECW but was mainly a tag team guy that made his partners look better most of the time. The stuff he was doing was insane back in 1992/3 and wouldn’t have been seen anywhere else in America. He’s a fun character and worth checking out if you’ve got the chance.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Today’s is a wrestler that is much more about the legacy than any individual accomplishments: Abdullah the Butcher.

Abdullah is a guy who took on an entirely different persona than he actually lived. Born in Canada, he took on the persona of a crazy man from the Sudan who never spoke in America and had handlers to do his talking for him. He never stuck around in one place for too long, meaning he was never going to win much more than a regional title. More often than not his story was that he was brought in by a big heel to take care of a big face, meaning this is going to be a different kind of look today. Basically I’ll just be looking at a handful of random matches from around the world, as Abdullah has been everywhere other than the WWF.

First up we’ll look at a match from World Championship Wrestling in the 1970s. Now a lot of you must be saying WCW didn’t exist in the 70s and if you only know of one WCW, you would be correct. This is World Championship Wrestling from Australia. I’m not sure on a date but the promotion closed in December 1978 so it’s before then at the latest.

Mark Lewin vs. Abdullah the Butcher

This is a called a war match so I’m assuming this is an old feud. Lewin is a guy most famous for his brawling so it should be a good fight. Butcher headbutts him into the corner and chokes away but Lewin comes back with some hard right hands to the head. More right hands knock the Butcher around before Lewin whips him into the corner over and over. Now it’s Butcher with right hands as this has been almost nothing but punches. Lewin grabs his sleeper finisher but has to dropkick Butcher’s handler Big Bad John. Butcher ducks a charging Lewin to send him into the ropes, tying his head in the cables for the eventual DQ.

Rating: D. This was exactly what it was supposed to be, though I’ve never heard of a war ending on a disqualifications. Lewin was a guy who was only going to work in the old system of wrestling. He wasn’t bad but it was all character instead of much to see in the ring, which was perfect for the 70s.

Post match King Curtis Iaukea (top star of the territory) comes out for the save but is sent into the buckle to put him down. Butcher goes after the referee but Iaukea gets up and fights Butcher off. Lewin declares the war is still on.

Now it’s off to Japan in 1982 for a match with a guy you may have heard of: Hulk Hogan.

Abdullah the Butcher vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan looks far less cut up here. He’s still big and muscular but there’s nowhere near the definition. A LOUD Hogan chant starts up but Butcher shoves him away. Hulk shoves him right back but no one goes anywhere off running shoulder blocks. A jumping knee is enough to send Butcher to the floor though as the crowd is way into this. We hit the bearhug from Hogan for a change and he lifts the 400lb Butcher up in a nice power display.

Butcher finally goes to the eyes to escape and sends Hogan outside with one shot. They brawl on the floor with Hogan taking over and putting on a sleeper back inside. A running clothesline puts Butcher down but Hulk’s splash hits legs. Not knees, but legs as Butcher doesn’t raise anything. Butcher goes to the forehead and you can see Hogan blade.

A fork shot to the cut has Hogan’s blood all over Abdullah’s ample stomach and he rolls to the floor. Back in and Butcher hits a brainbuster and the elbow for two but it’s time to Hulk Up (not yet perfected). Hogan punches him to the floor and they head into the crowd for a double countout.

Rating: D+. Eh it’s Hogan against a monster with a hot crowd so what else are you expecting? Butcher would have been great as a heel of the month against Hogan on the WWF house show circuit but he never came to the company. Hogan was his usual self here instead of being the different guy he normally was in Japan.

To avoid the scorn of certain commenters, here’s a match against Andre the Giant from Puerto Rico at the WWC’s first anniversary show on September 13, 1983.

Andre the Giant vs. Abdullah the Butcher

Andre easily knocks him out to the floor with ease before bringing him back inside for some HARD right hands and chops in the corner. The Butcher stops a “charging” Andre with an uppercut in the corner before headbutting him down to the mat. Choking ensues but Andre comes back with chops to the chest. Abduallah pulls something out of his pants and jabs Andre in the throat before they lay on each other in the corner. Andre gets tired of this fighting stuff and just goes off on the Butcher, knocking him out through the ropes and into the crowd for a double countout.

Rating: D-. The wrestling sucked but watching Andre beat on people is always worth seeing, especially when he could still move. It’s not a good match at all but the fans were into seeing the EVIL Butcher get what was coming to him from someone he couldn’t push around. More fun than good and there’s nothing wrong with that.

We’ll stay in Puerto Rico with an ultra rare Zeus match from the 1990 anniversary show on July 7, 1990. And yes, it’s that Zeus.

Zeus vs. Abdullah the Butcher

In case you’ve never heard of him, Zeus was an actor that was brought in as a monster heel against Hogan, only for everyone to realize that he’s an actor, meaning he can’t wrestle. It’s a brawl on the floor to start as the fans are INSANE for this match. Zeus mauls the Butcher on the floor before the bell and poses in the ring but that just warms Abdullah up. We go inside with Butcher, apparently a crowd favorite here, staring at Zeus as trash is thrown into the ring.

Zeus chokes away in the corner before putting on an awkward looking bearhug. Butcher gets pounded down in the corner as Zeus clearly can’t do more than one or two moves. Again, not his fault as he’s not a wrestler. The Butcher comes back with a shot to the throat but Zeus pounds away with left hands and chokes Abdullah into the corner. Abdullah won’t go down though and pulls out his trusty fork, only to have Zeus take it away and put on another bearhug.

Butcher finally remembers those Hulk Hogan tapes he watched and goes to the eyes to escape and Zeus is in big trouble. The elbow (signature move) only gets one on Zeus and it’s back to the choking. No one goes anywhere off some shoulder blocks so Zeus chokes some more. Butcher comes back with a single right hand to put Zeus on the mat and it’s off to a nerve hold.

Zeus glares his way out of the hold and monkey flips Abdullah (seriously) down for some more choking. A few kicks to the ribs put Zeus in more trouble and they slug it out some more. Butcher knocks Zeus outside but he puts on a bearhug from the apron. They head outside and Zeus blasts him with a wooden podium as we get a double countout.

Rating: C. That rating only works if you look at it as ANYTHING other than a wrestling match. This was a spectacle instead of a match and that’s the best way it could have worked. Zeus wasn’t a wrestler and couldn’t do much more than bearhugs and chokes but you can’t hold that against him. Incredibly fun stuff here.

We’ll close things out with one of only three matches from Butcher’s most famous run in America. It’s the Chamber of Horrors match at Halloween Havoc 1991, which is a huge team match but when else am I going to get to talk about this?

Cactus Jack/Abdullah The Butcher/Diamond Studd/Big Van Vader vs. Steiner Brothers/El Gignate/Sting

Oh boy it’s the Chamber of Horrors. Now if you’ve never heard of this, clear some room off your list of absurd gimmicks. This is inside a cage similar to the Cell, although there’s no top on it and the holes in the cage are bigger. Inside are coffins, skeletons and a few weapons. The idea of the match is that everyone is fighting at once and at some point during the match, an electric chair will lower from the ceiling. Someone must be placed in the chair, strapped down and someone from the other team has to throw a switch, “electrocuting” them. And somehow, it’ll be even dumber than it sounds.

Oh and Gigante is replacing the injured Windham and Cactus is replacing Oz, although Oz will be in a match later and apparently Oz replaced Jack in that match. No idea why they made the switch. Jack comes out with a chainsaw minus the chain. Sting is US Champion here and yes, this is really what they’re using him for. Cactus jumps Sting on the ramp and Abdullah helps, but Rick comes out for the save. This is before we’re even in the cage. Well Rick was but he left because it’s just a cage so why should it be hard to stay inside?

In the ring Scott kills the Studd with a Tiger Driver while Gigante fights Vader. Sting gets a kendo stick to pound away on everyone he sees. Well everyone that isn’t on his team that is. Or the referee either. Speaking of the referee, he has a camera on his head here which is really more annoying than anything else. That could be an interesting idea for an angle but it never went anywhere.

People in masks pop out of those caskets. They don’t do anything but they pop out anyway. Sting clotheslines Vader to the floor and Gigante pulls Studd off of the cage wall. The Steiners hit their top rope DDT on Cactus as the chair is lowered. Vader knocks Rick into the chair but Rick clotheslines his way out of it. Sting throws a casket lid up in the air so it lands on Cactus’ head.

Now we have ghouls coming out with a stretcher. Again they don’t do anything but they’re there. Scott shatters a kendo stick over Cactus’ head, breaking him open. Cactus and Sting climb the cage and ram each other into it, which is one of the few actual clear brawls in the match. The rest of it is too hard to call because of the awful camera work. Sting has the stick now and stabs Hall with it.

It’s pretty much impossible to call this match as everything is all over the place and it’s just random brawling. Sting is busted open, as is Abdullah. Cactus goes for the switch as Rick is put in the chair, but the future Freakzilla makes the save. The heels get Rick into the chair for a second but he fights out of it pretty quickly. He gets put in there again and Cactus goes for the switch. Steiner suplexes Abdullah into the chair instead and after Cactus takes FOREVER to stand next to the switch, he throws the lever and Abdullah gets “electrocuted.”

Rating: W. As in wow, what were they smoking, or why. You can pick whichever you like and I think it’ll be fine. This was a huge mess but to me, this is pure nostalgia. I haven’t seen this match in years but I still remember about 80% of the commentary word for word. The match is terrible and incredibly stupid but it’s a fond memory for me so I can’t hate it.

Cactus checks on Abdullah post match but the Butcher gets up and beats up the ghouls that brought out the stretcher earlier.

Abdullah the Butcher is one of those guys that doesn’t have a definitive history because he was the traveling attraction of the old days. As I said, he never was around in one place all that much and if it was he was little more than a bigger villain’s hired goon. He’s a guy who lived off his reputation and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

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Royal Rumble 2000
Date: January 23, 2000
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 19,231
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

After sitting through 1998 and 1999, this is my reward. What we have here might be the best Rumble show of them all with one of the best matches ever and a great Rumble on top of it. 2000 is the best in ring year the company ever had and this was a great way to kick that year off. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Cactus Jack challenging HHH for the world title in a street fight. This is that “one of the best matches ever” that I was talking about. The idea is simple: Cactus wants the title back and he’s facing HHH in a street fight, which means HHH is in WAY over his head. We’re in Foley’s hometown in Foley’s match with Foley’s most hardcore character. How can this not be a masterpiece?

Kurt Angle vs. ???

Angle is undefeated at this point. Kurt says he’s a real winner here, unlike the New York Knicks. This is goofy Kurt, which means he’s hilarious. He says that the mystery opponent must be scared to come face him, but the opponent needs to take a deep breath, come out here, and face Angle like a man. The self-help thing here is hilarious. The fans chant WE WANT TAZ….and here he is!

Kurt Angle vs. Tazz

Tazz pounds away on Angle and hits a HUGE backdrop to send him to the floor. Angle escapes a suplex in the aisle (painted like a street with a big cab hanging above the entrance, which looks like an alley. It’s really cool) and takes over. Back in and Kurt hits a forearm for two and chokes away in the corner. A belly to belly puts Tazz down but Angle goes up and gets crotched. Tazz hits a super Tazplex for two before getting rolled up for two. Angle gets two more off a bridging German before walking into a release German from Tazz. We unleash the suplexes on Kurt before the Tazmission ends Angle’s undefeated streak.

Rating: C+. This was short, but to say it was an effective debut is an understatement. The place ERUPTED when Tazz won which is exactly the point of the opening match. See, this is what you call LISTENING to the audience. WWF knew they had to appeal to the ECW fans and what better way than to have Tazz debut here? Today, Tazz would be in some comedy match and would likely lose, because Heaven forbid that the fans get what they want in one city for one night.

Angle does a stretcher job.

We go to the Hardys in the back and get a clip of them and the Dudleys putting each other through tables. Terri, the Hardys’ manager here, is told to stay in the back. She would be gone from the team soon, thank goodness.

Tazz says Angle is just the first victim.

Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

I believe match #1 or #2 in a series of roughly 8000 and it’s an elimination tables match. Bubba praises John Rocker of the Braves who had recently gone on a massive anti-New York rant in Sports Illustrated. The Hardys hit the ring and the match starts fast with Bubba hitting the Bubba Bomb on Jeff. No tags here thank goodness. Bubba sets up a table in the ring but before he can get another one, Jeff takes him out with a HUGE flip dive.

Jeff gets sent into the steps as Matt escapes a powerbomb through the table. D-Von suplexes Matt as Jeff CRACKS Bubba in the head with a chair. In a SICK spot, Jeff tries to run the railing but Bubba throws the table at Jeff, knocking him out of the air. That sounded GREAT. The pairings trade off and Bubba loads up the backsplash through the table, only for Jeff to come back and try a double superplex. D-Von moves the table but doesn’t stop the suplex.

Matt brings in a ladder because this might as well be a TLC style match. We head to the floor where the ladder is set up in front of a table with Bubba on it. Matt dives through Bubba through the table just as Jeff dives in from off camera with a splash, sending Bubba through the table in another awesome looking spot. So it’s 2-1 now with Jeff leaning a table up against the barricade. The steps are set up on their end and a table is set up like a bridge between the steps and the apron.

D-Von is placed on the bridged table but moves before Matt dives through him. He moves AGAIN to avoid a diving Jeff, sending him through the leaning table. Cool sequence there by Ninja D-Von. Apparently Bubba doesn’t have to leave. Ok that makes things more interesting. The Dudleys set up two steps in the ring and put a table across them before hitting a HUGE powerbomb on Matt to eliminate (in a sense) him. The tables are LOUD tonight too. Jeff gets beaten into the aisle but Matt quickly follows, only to get WHACKED in the head with a chair.

The Dudleys stack up four tables in front of the entrance (it’s the MSG setup where the entrance is opposite the cameras). Matt gets put on the tables and Jeff is CRACKED in the head again to break up the save attempt. Bubba climbs onto the taxi over the aisle to splash Matt, but remember that wouldn’t win the match. Jeff climbs up after him (I’m not sure where D-Von went) and blasts him with a chair, knocking him through two of the tables (still doesn’t win). Matt puts D-Von on the table and Jeff dives off the taxi with the Swanton through D-Von through the table for the win.

Rating: B+. This was AWESOME with all four guys being young and hungry here. The Dudleys were out to prove themselves and the Hardys were out to show they could hang in a fight. They had already proven they could fight in a violent match like the ladder match, but this was a brawl instead of a high flying match. REALLY fun stuff here though and well worth a look if you haven’t seen it. The Dudleys would get the titles next month, setting up the first triangle ladder match at Mania.

Angle gets a concussion test and complains that being choked out is illegal.

It’s time for the Miss Rumble Bikini contest with Sgt. Slaughter, Tony Garea, Moolah, Johnny V, FREDDY FREAKING BLASSIE and Andy Richter from Late Night with Conan O’Brien as judges. Jerry gets to emcee of course. The contestants are Ivory, Terri, Kat, Jackie, BB (You shouldn’t remember her) and Luna. The idea here is that Kat legitimately took her top off (full exposure too, the only intentional female nudity in WWF history) at Armageddon and more nudity was promised here.

Ivory doesn’t want to do it but eventually does. Terri does her usual skin colored one which we’ve seen before. Lawler freaks out over her bending over the ropes. Jackie…no one cares. BB isn’t bad but again, the whole point of this is for Kat to win. Luna won’t show. Kat is in a bikini made of bubble wrap. Creative if nothing else. The judges start tallying their scores but here’s Mae Young to enter as well. She takes off her robe, and THERE is the nudity (it was fake). Mae wins to complete the joke. Lawler’s reaction of “OH MY GOD I SAW THEM” is priceless. Mark Henry comes in to save our collective retinas.

The recently hired Coach doesn’t have much to say from WWF New York.

Chyna and Jericho, the co-IC Champions, argue over who gets to wear the belt to the ring. There was a double pin in a title match and they became co-champions as a result, which is a pretty creative idea.

Angle says he’s still undefeated. Rock would pin him on Smackdown a few weeks later.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

You know Jericho is fired up to be in MSG. He talks about how awesome his championship celebration will be, as it will make the millennium celebration look like his sister’s seventh birthday party. Holly piefaces Chyna down to start before getting in a slap fight with Jericho. Chyna gets sent to the floor for the Slaughter fall, leaving the blondes to fight for a bit. Holly hits that perfect dropkick of his but Jericho comes back with the forearm.

They slug it out until Holly tries a rana (huh?), only to get caught in the Walls. Chyna makes the save, basically turning heel at the same time. Chyna sends Holly to the floor and gets drilled by Jericho. Holly and Chyna go to the floor where Jericho tries a dive but slips and only hits Holly. Back in and there’s the handspring elbow and DDT from Chyna to the Canadian for two. Everyone heads to the floor where Jericho saves Chyna from a chair shot. Back in and both champions go up for a kind of double splash for two.

They both tried for a cover and a fight breaks out as a result. Chyna escapes a belly to back suplex and hits Jericho low, followed by a Pedigree for two on Holly. Chyna goes up but gets caught in a modified Doomsday Device (cross body instead of a clothesline) for a very close two. That probably should have been the finish. Now Jericho loads up a superplex but gets crotched for his efforts. Holly gets superplexed by Chyna but gets two on her off the bounce. Chyna chairs Holly in the head and puts on the Walls, only to have Jericho break it up and hit the Lionsault for the undisputed title and a BIG pop.

Rating: C+. This was pretty good and too short to get bad. It could have been on Raw but see, back in 2000, there was this crazy idea of finishing angles on PPV. I know that’s insane now and everything ends in a big match on Raw or rather just stops happening one day, but back in the old days, they ended like this. Match was fine.

Rock is worried about two and only two men in the Rumble: Crash Holly and Headbanger Mosh. Cole (minus facial hair) suggests maybe Rock should be worried about, say, Big Show. Rock says go make a glass of shut up juice (not one of his better catchphrases) and tells Big Show he doesn’t care what he thinks. He guarantees to win the Rumble right here in New York City and the place eats it up. I want one of those jerseys he’s wearing.

Jericho says he said he’d win and he’ll lead the Jerichoholics like a pied piper.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws are defending and there’s a backstory that doesn’t deserve to be listed. Who would have thought that THIRTEEN YEARS LATER the Outlaws would be on house shows for the WWE again? The Outlaws are heels here but they’re over like free beer in a frat house here in New York. The APA storms the ring and the beating is on quickly. Bradshaw and Billy officially get us started with Billy taking a fast beating. Both guys tag as the referee is adjusting his ear piece.

Faarooq imitates Dogg’s dance before getting double teamed a bit. Bradshaw breaks up the shaky knee drop and everything breaks down. The Clothesline kills Billy and there’s the spinebuster to Roadie….but Billy pulls the referee out. The ref is bumped and Road Dogg is hit with a double powerbomb. X-Pac runs in and kicks Bradshaw’s head off. The Fameasser to the future JBL retains the titles in like two and a half minutes. This had to be cut for time. The Outlaws would lose the titles to the Dudleys next month and that would be the end of the team.

Dogg rhymes about keeping the titles.

We recap HHH vs. Cactus Jack. HHH won the title the night after Summerslam from Mankind via cheating. Big Show got the title at Survivor Series but lost it back to HHH in January. Mankind stood up to the newly formed McMahon-Helmsley Era and got beaten down for his efforts. Foley got fired and we had a fake Mankind get humiliated. Rock then said that every single wrestler would walk out and form the Rock Wrestling Federation if Foley wasn’t rehired. See how different storylines could be back then? Mankind got HHH to agree to a street fight at the Rumble but got beaten up for his efforts.

This led to an AWESOME promo on Smackdown, where Mankind said he wasn’t ready to face HHH in a street fight, but he knew someone who did. He took off his mask and ripped open his shirt to reveal Cactus Jack, scaring HHH to death. These two, as in Cactus Jack and HHH, had fought in 1997 in the match that basically brought hardcore to the WWF and they did it in MSG, with Cactus winning clean. This was an excellent story and there was a VERY real feeling that Cactus could pull this off, because HHH was in WAY over his head. Check out the build to this match as it’s some of the best stuff you’ll EVER see.

WWF World Title: Cactus Jack vs. HHH

Street fight. It should also be noted that Foley lost about 30 pounds inside of a month and a half and is by far the slimmest you’ll ever see him look here. HHH does the long slow walk to the ring which makes things feel even more epic. Stephanie heads to the back which is probably a good thing. Dang I miss that big title. It’s SO much better looking than the stupid spinner version. Even now when it doesn’t spin it doesn’t look like something special but rather something like a toy. The belt on HHH looks classy.

Cactus looks like and animal and HHH looks terrified. Jack wins a quick slugout and pounds HHH down into the corner. We head to the floor for a swinging neckbreaker on HHH and a legdrop onto the apron knocks the Game back to the floor. HHH is rammed into various metal objects but comes back with a bell shot to take over. NOW we get to the fun part as the first chair is brought in.

Back in and Jack charges right into a chair shot like an idiot. Granted for him, that’s playing the character right. HHH goes to unhook the buckle instead of covering for some reason and Jack pops up to clothesline the champ down. There’s a legdrop onto a chair onto HHH’s head for two and we head outside again. HHH gets backdropped into the crowd and the beating begins again. JR: “They’re out in the sea of humanity.” Jerry: “Humanity? JR we’re in New York.”

HHH gets rammed into something made of metal that we can’t see and they head into the aisle. Cactus sets up a wooden pallet and suplexes HHH onto it before screaming in his face. This isn’t falls count anywhere mind you. There’s a trashcan to the head and HHH gets rammed into the steel doors. The fans chant for Foley as he gets suplexed onto the trashcan. The crowd is just RUTHLESS against HHH here as they head back to the ring. The aisle is really short so it’s not a long walk.

Jack rams a knee into HHH’s head to drive it into the steps and it’s back inside now. This is almost all Jack so far. There’s the 2×4 in barbed wire but HHH hits him low to get the board away. Some shots to Cactus’ ribs and back have him in trouble and HHH looks at the board as if to say “did I just do that?” Cactus blocks a shot to the head and hits HHH in the balls with the board. The double arm DDT puts HHH down as the referee takes the board out of the ring, drawing the loudest booing of the ngiht.

Cactus wants the board back and beats up the Spanish announce team who the board was left with. He gets a board (clearly not the same one but that’s likely for safety reasons) and after the referee is crushed, HHH gets hit in the forehead with the wire. The board is driven into HHH’s forehead and he’s busted something fierce now. The referee is back up now and we get the most famous spot of the match with Jack ripping the wire across HHH’s cut to make him scream.

Cactus tries to piledrive HHH through the announce table (same thing he won the 97 match with) but HHH counters with a backdrop. JR: “The champion is bleeding like a horse.” When does a horse bleed? HHH is bleeding from his leg which is a rare sight to see. The place LOUDLY cheers for Foley and we head back inside. The Pedigree is countered into a slingshot into the post and a bulldog on the wire gets two.

HHH has a spot called to him about the steps before the Cactus Clothesline takes them both to the floor. Cactus charges but gets hiptossed into the steps, banging his knee in the process. You know a Flair disciple like HHH knows how to work on a knee. Back inside and HHH clips him down before picking up the barbed wire for another shot to the knee. HHH pulls out some handcuffs in a flashback to last year.

Cactus fights back and hits HHH in the head with the cuffs in a smart move. The cuffs are locked up a few seconds later though and HHH starts pounding away. The steps are brought in but Foley comes out of nowhere with a drop toehold to send HHH face first into the steel. A low blow keeps HHH down and Cactus bites away. HHH gets back up and grabs a chair which he literally BREAKS over the back of Cactus. They head outside again and Cactus takes some shots to the head from the chair.

Cactus says hit me again but before HHH can crush the skull, Rock pops out of nowhere and blasts HHH in the head with a chair of his own. A cop comes in and unlocks the cuffs, freeing Cactus. HHH starts backpedaling fast but gets caught on the Spanish Announce Table. The piledriver hits this time but the table DOESN’T BREAK.

We haven’t gotten violent enough yet, so here’s a bag of thumbtacks. Stephanie comes out (complete with snakeskin choker in a nod to Cactus) and HHH comes back with a backdrop onto the tacks. There’s the Pedigree but Cactus kicks out at two to blow the roof off the place. It doesn’t last long though as a Pedigree ONTO THE TACKS finally ends Cactus.

Overall Rating: A+. FREAKING OW MAN! If there’s a match that made a guy into a legitimate force better than this one made HHH, I’d love to see it. This was an absolute war with both guys destroying each other for about 27 minutes. The place never gave up on Foley and it’s easily one of his best matches ever. This is one of the best brawls ever and yet again it’s well worth checking out.

HHH is taken out on a stretcher but Cactus pulls him back into the arena. There’s a barbed wire shot to the head and the place cheers like crazy for Mick some more.

Linda is at WWF New York to talk about HHH’s title reign. Wait no she’s not. She would NEVER be involved with something involving bloodshed. And Stephanie is oh so precious and does SO much work for charity don’t you know.

Royal Rumble

The intervals are “two minutes or less” according to the Fink. We get a quick look at Shawn’s miracle save in 95 which would play a role in the coming weeks. D’Lo Brown is #1 and Grandmaster Sexay is #2. Feeling out process to start with Sexay countering Brown’s running powerbomb into a rana. A middle rope missile dropkick puts Brown down and Mosh, complete with cones on his chest, is #3.

Kai En Tai, two guys ticked off about not being in the Rumble, runs in and are immediately thrown out. Nothing else happens for a minute or so until Christian (with his AWESOME solo theme called Blood Brother. Look it up) is #4. Nothing happens again so here’s Rikishi to a POP at #5. Mosh, Christian and Brown are quickly dispatched, leaving Grandmaster and Rikishi.

Scotty 2 Hotty is #6 to complete the trio…..and it’s time to DANCE! The place absolutely loses it over this until Rikishi clotheslines and eliminates them both. Note that it is NOT a heel turn and just business, which Too Cool is ok with. Rikishi dances a bit more on his own and the place is still erupting.

The company took notice of those eruptions too, and the three of them wound up feuding with the Radicalz for the next four months or so, resulting in Too Cool getting the tag titles and Rikishi getting the IC Title. In other words, they were given a stupid gimmick, got it over, and were rewarded. Today, you get to lose the US Title to Jack Swagger and become a jobber to the stars if you get yourselves over. As I typed that, Steve Blackman came in at #7 and was eliminated.

Viscera is #8 and you know New York loves itself a fat boy battle. Big Visc rams into him a few times but misses a charge and three straight superkicks put him him. Big Boss Man is #9 and won’t get in, drawing some good heel heat. He stays out on the floor until Test is #10. Test pounds away on Boss Man to finally get all three guys in there. Boss Man hits Test low but Rikishi hits Test low to put both guys down.

British Bulldog is #11 as things slow down a bit. There’s a low blow for Rikishi as well and Bulldog tries to get him out until Gangrel is #12. Kai En Tai comes out again and Taka is thrown over the top into a 360, landing face first on the floor. FREAKING OW MAN. This would be played multiple times over the rest of the match, much to Lawler’s amusement. Edge (starting to mean something and over in New York) is #13.

Boss Man takes a Banzai Drop and Bob freaking Backlund is #14. He comes out to Hail to the Chief as he’s legitimately running for Congress in Connecticut at this point. You would think that would have been a tip for Linda’s future but alas no. Everyone goes after Rikishi and dumps him out to get us to the second part of the match. To recap, we’ve got Boss Man, Bulldog, Test, Gangrel, Backlund and Edge in there at the moment. Jericho is #15 to his third or fourth big pop of the night.

Jericho goes right for Edge in a match that would be for the world title eventually. That doesn’t last long though as Jericho dumps Backlund, who yells at some fans before leaving. Actually he goes into the crowd to look for Connecticut registered voters. For a guy as bland as he was back in the day, Crazy Backlund is one of the best performances I’ve ever seen.

Crash is #16 and gets a double spanking from Edge and Bulldog. Ok then. Edge is sent to the apron by Bulldog so he punches the British Boy in the balls. Chyna is #17 in the far less remembered Rumble appearance. She goes right for Jericho and suplexes him out in about 30 seconds but gets knocked out by Boss Man almost immediately. Faarooq is #18 and here’s the Mean Street Posse who is also out of the Rumble. Those three and Kai En Tai were all thrown out of the Rumble on Heat so five more guys could be added in.

Anyway Faarooq is quickly dumped and Road Dogg is #19. The crowd does his entrance for him but he runs right into a low blow. The fans want Puppies, a term Road Dogg invented. Crash survives an elimination and Al Snow is #20. Roadie throws out the Bulldog and Val Venis is #21. Funaki runs in on his own and is thrown out almost immediately again. Prince Albert (Tensai) is #22 and there goes Edge.

The ring is getting too full now with Boss Man, Test, Gangrel, Crash, Road Dogg, Snow, Venis and Albert. Dogg continues his strategy: hide in the corner and wrap all four limbs around the bottom rope. I’ve heard worse ideas. Hardcore Holly is #23 and we’re getting down to almost only big names left. Crash gets knocked to the apron but gets back in AGAIN.

Now we get to the final part of the match as The Rock is #24 to bring everyone to their feet. Boss Man is the first victim, being eliminated by a spit punch. Venis and Test double team him but Rock hangs on in the corner. He beats up Hardcore for a bit as Billy Gunn is #25. He goes right for Rocky but since no one believes Billy Gunn is going to eliminate Rock, the Great One throws out Crash to give himself something to do instead. Dogg has shifted over to another corner now.

Big Show, Rock’s opponent for this match, is #26. Rocky pounds on him immediately but Albert sticks his fat head in Rock’s business. Show dumps Gangrel and Test before going to stomp on Rocky. Bradshaw is #27 and is out in about 30 seconds at the hands of the Outlaws and the Mean Street Posse. Kane is #28 complete with the still sexy Tori. Venis gets thrown out almost immediately and Show stupidly gorilla presses Gunn down instead of out. Kane knocks Albert out as Godfather is #29. The Ho’s are especially good looking tonight.

Funaki comes out for the fourth time. JR: “For the love of Pete.” Jerry: “No that’s Funaki.” X-Pac is #30 which was announced in advance. The final group is Road Dogg, Al Snow, Hardcore Holly, Rock, Gunn, Show, Kane, Godfather and X-Pac. Snow dumps Holly and Show puts Godfather out. Rock dumps Snow to get us to six. Billy dumps a talking too much Roadie just before getting dumped by Show.

We’ve got X-Pac, Kane, Big Show and Rock as the final four. I’ve seen far worse. Rock throws out X-Pac but the referee is with Kane who is fighting the Outlaws on the floor. Pac gets back in and the guys pair off. Show sends Rock into Kane for a big boot as the giants choke each other. Pac kicks Rock down and Kane hits a pretty good enziguri and an even better slam on Big Show. Pac kicks Kane out and a Bronco Buster on Big Show.

Rock dumps X-Pac and we’re down to two. The spinebuster sets up the Elbow but since IT’S JUST A FREAKING ELBOW DROP, Show gets up and chokeslams Rock down. Show takes WAY too much time though and Rock holds onto the top rope, sending Big Show out to go to Wrestlemania. Awesome ending to an awesome match.

Rating: A. AWESOME Rumble here with the absolute right ending. This was the Rock’s Rumble and there was no other person who should have won it. The only part that was a little dull here was the middle but it’s certainly not bad. This followed the three part structure as all great Rumbles do and as usual, it worked like a charm. Great Rumble and one that might have a claim to best ever.

Rock says he’s going to Wrestlemania when Big Show comes in and knocks him to the floor. Show stands in the ring as Rock leaves to end the show.

Overall Rating: A+. This is one of the best shows the WWF has ever put on. Period. There isn’t a bad match on the whole card, the crowd is ON FIRE all night and you have two excellent matches to round out the show. I can’t imagine anything in the next 12 years surpassing this one and I can’t recommend it highly enough. Outstanding show.

Ratings Comparison

Tazz vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-

Redo: C+

Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: A

Redo: B+

Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: C

Redo: C+

New Age Outlaws vs. Acolytes

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

HHH vs. Cactus Jack

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: A-

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

Still great and still the best Rumble ever.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/19/royal-rumble-count-up-2000-match-of-the-decade-maybe-yeah/

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